T Want to Be Mayor of London

RIP *sadface* Stewart Lee Mastectomies Private Lives Enonomics Celebrity grief tweets Rekebah’s poetic texts Cancer risk dilemma I’ve never been kissed Brian meets Ha-Joon Chang 1 2 1 . 1 . 1 2 y a ‘I don’t d n M o mayor want to of be London’ Thank God, says Decca Aitkenhead, after an audience with Sebastian Coe A 2 1 Shortcuts l i v e D u n n R I P C e s f o r a l l t h Eulogies t h a n k Gervais and Radio 1 DJ Greg James, n j o y m e n t o u r s o f e neither of whom I believe to have h D a d ’ s Reaping the w a t c h i n g been particular acquaintances of A r m y Nutkins, or, indeed, luminaries in Celebrity Death the wildlife-broadcasting world. Twitter Harvest Unless we count Flanimals. This year we have encountered the high-profile passings of Neil So sad to hear Armstrong, Tony Scott and Hal t is often suggested that the David, and naturally the coverage death of Diana, Princess of about Terry Nutkins. that followed them often drew on I Wales, altered the nature What an absolute celebrity tweets (“Everyone should of collective grief, rendering it icon go outside and look at the moon suddenly acceptable to line the tonight and give a thought to Neil streets, send flowers and, most Armstrong,” ordered McFly’s Tom importantly, weep publicly at the Fletcher). But few could match the death of someone you did not response that greeted the death of actually know. Fifteen years on, Whitney Houston in February. and nowhere is collective grief Along with tributes from the more manifest than on Twitter, music industry, some publications where the announcement of the O m g n o o o o cast their nets a little wider for the passing of any well-known name is wa y m y i d o l condolences of Paris Hilton and met by a flurry of re-tweets, hash- o o wa y Kim Kardashian, not to mention tags and sadface emoticons. w h i t n e y n what we assume to be the grief- c k Of course, the nature of report- o m g b i g s h o addled ruminations of Katie Price: ing and the internet has shifted sub- “Omg noooo way my idol whitney stantially; not only have audiences noo way omg big shock. Your displayed an insatiable appetite for music made impact to my life.” celebrity tittle-tattle, but Twitter The only possible defence for has come to be regarded as an prompted a huge response, and also the actor’s inspiration for her all this celebrity Twitter-quoting is important tool for newsgathering soon we were treated to Twitter forays into acting and swimwear. that it helps take the temperature and audience engagement. And so, eulogies by such stars as Tony The death of Coronation Street’s of our collective grief. So let’s in a phenomenon I call the Celebrity Parsons, Martin Kemp of Spandau Bill Tarmey on Friday brought leave the last word to footballer- Death Twitter Harvest, a content- Ballet and Elizabeth Hurley, in more of the same. in-mourning Wayne Rooney: hungry media increasingly feasts whose contribution – “RIP Clive Few publications are immune “Cant believe it. I wanna run to u. on a glut of related tweets. Dunn thanks for all the hours of from reaping the celebrity Twitter I grew up listening to whitney. So Consider the case of Clive Dunn, enjoyment watching Dad’s Army” grief. On the death of Terry everyone asking why im tweeting who died last week aged 92. Natu- – one likes to believe she was hon- Nutkins earlier this year, even the about her. Show some respect.” rally, the death of such a cult figure ouring not only enjoyment, but Guardian quoted comedian Ricky Laura Barton Psychology ation. After Cameron said to her in Dignity and Humiliation Studies, a Commons debate on abortion, a network of academics and Nadine Dorries “I know the honourableable lady is activistsactiv studying humiliation extremely frustratedd …”, inn an attempt to eradicate it, to gales of laughter, she s e there are two types: injury ofand humiliation the power wrote a furious piecee in tot honour, and injury to the Daily Mail headlinedlined dignity. dig The first is experi- “The PM publicly humili-umili- encednced by elites, in the way ated me in front of the aristocratsaristoc would defend their ast week, in a Guardian entire nation. What honouron in duels. When comment piece, Louise did I do to deserve Cameron Ca was described L Mensch admonished that?” Presumably, as “humiliated” – on the Nadine Dorries for appearing on I’m she will find eating frontf of three newspapers a Celebrity … Get me Out of Here! kangaroo’s anuses – after rebel MPs voted to “Eating grubs and performing less mortifying – or cut the EU budget, it was humiliating tasks on air are not con- at least better paid. hisis authority that was sistent with being an MP,” she said. According to damagedda rather than his Dorries is no stranger to humili- Dr Linda Hartling at Human dignity di as a human being. Hope-less Super hands Should we call time on This cool, Terminator- shonky Shephard Fairey style prosthetic has Shorter pastiches? Yes, if Currys’ been developed by a cuts new press ads, featuring British company. The a less-than-iconic BeBionic3 hand can customer-service drone, apparently grip a beer are anything to go by. and gently hold an egg. 2 The Guardian 12.11.12 D on ’t ev en think about eating my li v er , posh boy ! Etiquette Pass notes How to avoid No 3,279 eating raw Charles stag’s liver Darwin lifeow tiresomelycan sometimes awkward be Appearance:Age: 73, whenDown-on-his-luck he died in 1882. department H for David Cameron. store Santa. In this week’s Spectator, the Profession: English naturalist, author of On the pro-torture hardline Conservative Origin of Species, developer of the theory of Bruce Anderson tells of how, in natural selection, congressional also-ran. 1998, he was at a shooting-party Also-ran? Darwin once came second in dinner in Scotland with Cameron an election for a seat in the US House at which an almost-rare stag’s of Representatives. liver was served as a delicacy. And under a bit of veggie-lettuce- I never knew that. When did this happen? “There were some wetties forage at that! Last week. who were put off by the sight,” “Call Me Dave”, though, is But he’s dead! He wasn’t alone there. A dead man writes Anderson. “Among their less likely to be squirming at IN NUMBERS was elected to the Texas senate last Tuesday. number, I regret to say, was the having his table manners exposed Another dead guy was voted city council president present prime minister. After- than at being reminded of his of Rochester, Minnesota, and yet another won wards, he confessed to a crime hunting, shooting and fishing a seat on a county commission in Alabama. which he had not committed privileged background. But OK – but he’s not even an American citizen. He since prep school. To hide his since his intimes are so keen to wasn’t on the ballot either. Nevertheless, Charles concealedfailure to eat it under the liver, some he rabbit- had turesremind and us we of hisare holidayall so very adven- inDarwin Athens-Clark received County more than, Georgia. 4,000 The write-in numbers votes food garnish.” clearly in this together, now from the other 24 counties in the 10th congres- It’s hard to know what does seem a good moment to sional district were not available at the Anderson finds most offensive: clarify these important points of $713.4bn time of writing. Cameron’s reluctance to eat the etiquette. Should you a) tell your Total net worth of the Could he still win? It’s unlikely. The incumbent, still-bleeding organ of an animal hostess that you don’t like fresh top 20 individuals on Republican Paul Broun, received more than killed a few hours earlier, or the stag liver; b) hide it under a Bloomberg’s latest 209,000 votes. fact that he wasn’t even man lettuce leaf; or c) leave it in global rich list And the Democrat? Broun was running enough to admit he didn’t like it. plain sight on your plate? unopposed. The write-in campaign was The shame, the shame of trying Answers please … sort of a protest. to hide his wimpishness. John Crace But why Darwin? It has to do with a speech Broun gave to a church group in September in which he denounced both evolution and It would have been more hurtful feelings of abasement. There may the big bang theory, as “lies straight from if, say, his trousers had fallen be a sexual element too. The the pit of hell”. down in the House of Commons. success of Fifty Shades of Grey So he credits Satan with the theory of natural In suggesting she was sexually suggests the number of people who selection? He also said he believed the Earth frustrated, Cameron inflicted this get a thrill out of it may be higher is 9,000 years old, and was created in six N kind of humiliation on Dorries, than previously assumed. literal days. I A D made much worse by their Humiliation can have an Perhaps his remarks were misinterpreted.

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