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Jurnal De Apocrif… (1998) Paul Goma JUR NAL DE APOCRIF… (1998) Autura Autorului 1 9 9 8 PAUL GOMA - Jurnal de apocrif 2 Nota autorului Un scriitor oniric scrie, în Vatra 11/98, pag. 52 : “Jurnalul s¶u (al lui Goma - n.m. / este) apocrif” (subliniat în text). La urma urmei de ce n-ar sluji la ceva, calificativul - foarte potrivit unui jurnal…? De pild¶ în titlul acestuia. PAUL GOMA - Jurnal de apocrif 3 I A N U A R I E Joi 1 ianuarie 1998 Am stat asear¶ pân¶ la orele 22,30, apoi m-am culcat. Ana §i cu Filip au mai r¶mas ; mult ; bini§or în ¶st-an. Pe undeva, prin apropiere s-a fost f¶cut chef est-euro- pean (de ast¶ dat¶ n-am mai remarcat sonorit¶∞i române§ti), dar cu mare g¶l¶gie, r¶cnete, cu (mai ales) râsete de femeie gâdilat¶. Am tras asear¶ (în fine, mai-an) la imprimant¶ ultimele zile ale Jurnal-ului pe 1997 : 361 pagini. S¶ nu în§ele cantitatea : cel pu∞in un sfert : texte care vor intra în Scrìsuri, ba chiar §i câteva scrisori pe care le-am crezut semnificative. A§a am s¶ fac în continuare : din moment ce nu mai scriu c¶r∞i… Am revizuit asear¶ Nota bibliografic¶ : am redus num¶rul titlurilor la 44 - din 49. Am suprimat a doua parte din Sabina §i din Roman intim ; am eliminat al doilea volum de Scrisori - ca §i de Scrìsuri. Las’, s¶ fie mai pu∞ine - e mai bine. Acum e ora 8 §i jum¶tate, dar înc¶ nu s-a f¶cut ziu¶. Iar acum e ora 8,30 seara. Au fost £i§manienii la noi - am petrecut o pl¶cut¶ prim¶ zi a anului. De mâine (sau de luni ?) încep o nou¶… asta cum îi spune : via∞¶? Ca la început de an, s¶ fac bilan∞ul (revizuit) : Not¶ bibliografic¶ volume scrise par∞ial publicate în române§te, par∞ial traduse din române§te (volumele marcate în italice-grase, numerotate în dreapta : nepublicate) PAUL GOMA - Jurnal de apocrif 4 1. Camera de al¶turi - proz¶ scurt¶ (1965-1967) /1/ - în române§te, la E(S)PL(A), l968. 2. Ostinato - roman (1966-1971) /2/ - în francez¶, la Gallimard, 1971 - în german¶, la Suhrkamp, 1971 - în neerlandez¶, la Bruna, Utrecht, 1974 - în român¶, la Univers, 1992 3. U§a noastr¶ cea de toate zilele…- roman (1969-1970) /3/ - în german¶, la Suhrkamp, 1972 - în francez¶, la Gallimard, 1974 - în român¶, la Cartea româneasc¶, 1992 4. ïn cerc - roman (1970-1971) /4/ - în francez¶, la Gallimard, 1977 - în român¶, la Eminescu, 1994 5. Gherla - monolog dialogat (1972) /5/ - în francez¶, la Gallimard, 1976 - în suedez¶ la Coeckelberghs Vörlag, 1978 - în român¶, la Humanitas-Bucure§ti 6. L¶te§ti - (continuarea Gherlei) - neterminat(¶) (1973) /1/ 7. Gard¶ invers¶ - roman (1973-1975) /6/ - în francez¶, la Gallimard, 1979 - în român¶: la Univers, 1997 8. Culoarea curcubeului - Cutremurul oamenilor,’77 - /7/ m¶rturie - în francez¶, la Seuil, 1979 - în neerlandez¶, la Elsevier, Antwerpen, 1980 - în român¶ : 1. la Humanitas-Bucure§ti 2. la Biblioteca Familia din Oradea, 1993 9. Patimile dup¶ Pite§ti - roman /8/ - în francez¶, la Hachette, 1981 - în german¶, la Thule, 1984 PAUL GOMA - Jurnal de apocrif 5 - în neerlandez¶, la Elsevier, Antwerpen,1985 - în român¶ : 1. la Dialog-Dietzenbach, 1990 (edi∞ie confiden∞ial¶, “în dactilografierea autorului”, 1990 2. la Cartea româneasc¶, 1990 10. Soldatul câinelui - m¶rturie 9/ - în francez¶, la Hachette, 1983 - în român¶, la Humanitas-Bucure§ti, 1991 11. Bonifacia - roman /10/ - în francez¶, la Albin Michel, 1986 - în român¶, la Omega, 1991 12. Justa - roman /11/ - în român¶, la Nemira, 1995 13. Castelana - (continuarea Justei) - nepublicat¶ /2/ 14. Ela - roman - neterminat /3/ 15. Noaptea din Decembrie - povestire /4/ 16. Din calidor - o copil¶rie basarabean¶ /12/ - în francez¶, la Albin Michel, 1987 - în englez¶, la Reader International, London 1990 - în român¶ : 1. la Dialog-Dietzenbach, 1989, “în dactilografierea autorului” 2. la Albatros, Bucure§ti, 1990 3. la Biblioteca Basarabia, Chi§in¶u, 1993 17. Arta refugii - o copil¶rie transilvan¶ /13/ - în francez¶, la Julliard, 1990 - în român¶ : 1. la Dacia, Cluj, 1991 2. la Biblioteca Basarabia, Chi§in¶u, 1993 18. Astra - roman /14/ - în român¶, la Dacia, Cluj, 1992 PAUL GOMA - Jurnal de apocrif 6 19. Sabina I (Olmul Sabinei) - roman /15/ - în român¶, la Apostrof, Cluj, 1991 (sub titlul : Sabina) Sabina II (ïn a§teptarea Sabinei)- roman -nepublicat /5/ 20. Roman intim - nepublicat /6/ 21 . Patru dialoguri - devenit Trei dialoguri - nepublicat /7/ 22. Cutie de rezonan∞¶ - dialog, nepublicat /8/ 23. I. Jurnal pe S¶rite 24. II. Jurnal de C¶ldur¶ mare 25. III. Jurnal de Noapte lung¶ - publicate la Nemira, 1997 /16-17-18/ 26. IV. Jurnal de Ziu¶ scurt¶ (1994) 27. V. Jurnal de A§teptare (1995) 28. VII. Jurnal de Cas¶ Nou¶ (1996) 29. VIII. Jurnal 1997 (Jurnalul unui jurnal) /9-12/ 30. Scrisori întredeschise I /19/ la Biblioteca Familia, 1995 31-32. Butelii aruncate în mare - articole, polemici /20-21/ Amnezia la Români I, Amnezia la Români II, Litera /13-14/ 33. Alfabecedar - roman-dic∞ionar -nepublicat /15/ 34. Adameva - roman-jurnal /22/ - în român¶, la ed. Loreley, Ia§i, 1995 35. Evadam - jurnal-roman - nepublicat /16/ PAUL GOMA - Jurnal de apocrif 7 36. Cartea despre carte - jurnal-roman - nepublicat /17/ 37. £i dac¶…? - jurnal-roman-jurnal - nepublicat /18/ 38. Unde am gre§it ? - eseu (1995) publicat cu Jurnal I-II-III, în 1997, la Nemira /23/ 39. Scrìsuri I - (1996) - nepublicat /19/ 40. Altina - gr¶dina scufundat¶ (1997) nepublicat /20/ 41. Lethina - gr¶dina plutitoare (1997) nepublicat /21/ 42. Scrìsuri II (1997) - nepublicat /22/ 43. Epistolar (1997) -nepublicat /23/ 44. Coresponden∞¶ Laszlo-Goma - nepublicat /24/ (Paris, 1 ianuarie 1998) Titluri : scrise : 44 ; editate : 23 ; needitate : 24 Vineri 2 ianuarie 1998 Dup¶ cum se observ¶, am eliminat dublurile (la Sabina §i la Roman intim). E mai bine a§a - ca s¶ m¶ repet. Sâmb¶t¶ 3 ianuarie 1998 Ieri întreaga zi am somnolat, am chiar dormit - câte o jum¶tate de ceas, câte un ceas întreg ; asear¶ m-am culcat la 9,30, m-am trezit la 7. M¶car Filip plecase la un amic - Yanne - decusear¶, se întorsese la… patru dup¶amiaz¶ : nu dormise deloc, deloc… Sântem strivi∞i de oboseal¶, mai ales Ana. Care are în fa∞¶ alte dou¶ zile de odihn¶. Inutil îndemnul prietenilor s¶ mai scriu “o fic∞iune”, “asta - §i gata”, “una de încununare a întregei opere”… Aici PAUL GOMA - Jurnal de apocrif 8 nu e cum vrei, ci cum po∞i. Or eu nu mai poci s¶ m¶ întorc la fic∞iune. £i, cum m-am explicat (atât de lung), nici nu mai voiu. Dac¶-mi vine, din senin, din cer, din p¶rul cu mere p¶l¶ie∞e - nu refuz. Dar nici nu caut cu tot dinadinsul. Eu, aflat în¶untru, nu am o vedere general¶ : s-ar prea putea ca “opera” s¶ arate neîntreag¶, neterminat¶, perfecti- bil¶… Atât, c¶ nu m¶ preocup¶ rotunditatea ei. Pot tr¶i - în fine : supravie∞ui - §i f¶r¶ “cupola” de încheiere. Nu tânjesc dup¶ “oper¶” finit¶, s¶ fiu mul∞umit dac¶ am înfipt câ∞iva pari. M¶car doi-trei ∞¶ru§i. Va mai fi ceva : oper¶ “rotund¶” au, dintre ai no§tri, numai b¶trânii : Arghezi, Sadoveanu… £i mai cine ? £i mai nimeni. Oameni a§eza∞i, cu gospod¶rie ∞¶r¶neasc¶, temei- nic¶, iar cu excep∞ia (de §apte ani) a lui Arghezi, persoane care s-au pus bine cu puterea “nou¶”, ca s¶ le fie lor bine - §i la var¶ cald. Ace§ti doi mari b¶trâni au tr¶it mult, iar în ulti- ma parte a vie∞ii lor au tr¶it inutil. Nu pentru c¶ s-ar fi epui- zat ori s-ar fi îmboln¶vit - ci, uite-a§a : au tr¶it ; au supra- vie∞uit murdar. N-o s¶ m¶ apuc s¶ invidiez via∞a lor - fiindc¶ via∞a lor este opera lor : Lumina vine de la R¶s¶rit §i 1907, Mitrea Cocor §i Cântare omului §i Cu bastonul prin Bucure§ti. Ei, într-adev¶r, au o “oper¶ rotund¶” - eu prefer s¶ nu am “oper¶” (chit c¶ peste un deceniu, peste o jum¶tate de secol uitate vor fi “vie∞ile”, r¶mânînd singur¶ opera), iar ceea ce am pus pe hârtie mai bine s¶ arate incomplet, neter- minat, decât s¶ aib¶ o “cupol¶” avînd “culoarea” operei aces- tor dezilu§tri înapoia§i. Cred c¶ totul se reduce (fiindc¶ se întoarce) la amnezie: cititorul uit¶, scriitorul face s¶ i se uite porc¶riile. Cum anume ? Simplu : fiind, prin natur¶, sau str¶duindu-se (§i reu§ind) s¶ fie : nesim∞it. Luni 5 ianuarie 1998 (…) Am primit de la Chi§in¶u, de la Ierizan, dou¶ volume de-ale lui Stere. Am scris Vetrio∞ilor. PAUL GOMA - Jurnal de apocrif 9 Miercuri 7 ianuarie 1998 (…) Am primit felicit¶ri. Am citit cu mare pl¶cere cele dou¶ volume de §i despre Stere. M-au impresionat mai ales cuvânt¶rile lui în Camer¶, apoi Document¶ri-le… multe lucruri nu le §tiam - dar le-am g¶sit, la el, mai bine expli-cate. M-a f¶cut gelos portretul “Domnului Pre§edinte”. Vineri 9 ianuarie 1998 (…) Azi am terminat de rafistorasolit (rasolifostorarisìt) Altina. Am tras dou¶ exemplare, pân¶ luni m¶ hot¶r¶sc cui s¶ le trimit. Mi-a scris Grigurcu. ïmi cere s¶ scriu ceva despre el, pentru Contrapunct. Am s-o fac mâine. £tefana pleac¶ mâine în România la înmormântarea unui unchi. Are s¶-l întâlneascæ pe F¶nel Davidescu. I-am spus c¶ ar fi bine dac¶ s-ar duce cu el pe la Nemira… Dac¶ are timp.
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