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Paul Goma – Basarabia BASARABIA 1 Paul Goma BASARABIA August 2001 2 PAUL GOMA Paris, 11 iunie 2001 Când Victor a rostit un nume §i m-a întrebat dac¶ îmi spune ceva, am r¶spuns c¶ nu. Mai aproape de adev¶r : Victor a pronun∞at un nume, apoi m-a întrebat dac¶ acela mi-e cunoscut. Am spus, pe dat¶ : Nu. Aveam o bun¶ memorie, în general, în special, a numelor, una excelent¶. Chiar dac¶ am mai gre§it… Mi-o aduc aminte pe cea din urm¶ gaf¶ ?, gre§eal¶ ? A avut ca decor saloanele Senatului Fran∞ei, în februarie 1900. Atunci veniser¶ la Paris un mare num¶r de avioane înc¶rcate- ochi cu viteji revolu∞ionari post-festumnici, de te întrebai cum de supravie∞uise Ceau§escu 24 ani, ba, cu o s¶pt¶mân¶ înainte de a fi împu§cat de Sturdza-Voican, masele largi de români opozan∞i feroci ai tiranului îl aclamaser¶ îndelung, urîndu-i s¶ tr¶iasc¶ ! Dar, Doamne, cât de umfla∞i în pene erau scriitorii români cotidieni, eroi f¶r¶ voie §i f¶r¶ §tire !; cum nu-§i mai înc¶peau în piele - nici în nume : Manolescu, M¶rculescu, Sorescu, Buzura, H¶ulic¶, Pippidi, Martin… Aproape cu to∞ii, dînd mâna cu mine, î§i spuneau r¶spicat numele §i prenumele (erau gata s¶-mi comunice §i bibliografia), de parc¶ atunci ne-am fi v¶zut pentru prima oar¶… Dar bineîn∞eles c¶ îi cuno§team, c¶ îi recuno§team - îi §tiam, îi prea §tiam, chiar §i pe cei mai tineri, afirma∞i dup¶ plecarea noastr¶ în exil. De la o vreme, am început a m¶ sim∞i vinovat, eu : eu îi asiguram c¶ îi cunosc, c¶ le cunosc (nu doar) numele, ci §i c¶r∞ile, îns¶… îi sim∞eam, vedeam prin ei, îi miroseam : lor le-ar fi f¶cut o nesfâr§it¶ pl¶cere s¶ dea de în∞eles c¶, în ciuda asigur¶toarelor mele asigur¶ri, adev¶rul-adev¶rat era c¶ îi uitasem cu tot cu nume, ori c¶ niciodat¶ nu li-l §tiusem… Fiindc¶ a§a era omene§te. Fiindc¶ a§a ar fi f¶cut ei… Din gur¶ §i din zâmbet pretindeam contrariul, dar ia s¶ m¶ fi pus s¶ li-l, s¶ li le rostesc, numele, titlurile c¶r∞ilor… C¶, uite, nici ei nu mai §tiu de unde s¶ m¶ ia §i unde s¶ m¶ “situeze”… “C¶ci uitarea…”, vorba roman∞ei cu acela§i titlu… BASARABIA 3 ïn toiul acelei dobitoace, crescînde (§i autocritice, aproape masochiste) irit¶ri, s-au apropiat de Ana Maria §i de mine trei tineri : pe unul îl §tiam, era Andrei, fiul lui Mihai, schimbasem cu el câteva cuvinte în culisele canalului de televiziune Antenne 2, unde era cameraman. El m-a întrebat dac¶ îl mai ∞in minte pe… Chiar a§a a zis-întrebat, ar¶tînd spre tân¶rul înso∞itor : «ïl mai ∞ine∞i minte (s¶ fi zis: “recunoa§te∞i”?) pe Popov?» - §i a ad¶ugat : «El v-a scos din ∞ar¶ un manuscris, pentru Gallimard…» Nu m¶ aflam în nici o încurc¶tur¶, m¶ gândeam numai §i numai la tân¶ra atârnat¶ de bra∞ul lui “Popov” §i care, cu sigu- ran∞¶ nu merita afrontul la care, din clip¶ în clip¶, aveam s¶ m¶ dedau în dauna - so∞ului ?, a logodnicului, amantului ? De aceea am amânat r¶spunsul care nu putea fi decât un Nu cate- goric : “Popov”-ul ar¶ta prea frumu§el, prea îmbr¶c¶∞el, prea tinerel ca s¶-mi fi scos un manuscris din România, în urm¶ cu… - dac¶ plecasem de 12 ani, trimisesem în Fran∞a ultimul manuscris în 15 “felii”, dup¶ num¶rul capitolelor, or acela fusese expediat în ‘75, deci în urm¶ cu… 15 ani ! Or “Popov” nu p¶rea s¶ aib¶ mai mult de 30 ani, iar eu - §i de asta eram sigur - nu încredin∞asem manuscrise-de-scos unor minori ! Apoi, dac¶ acea persoan¶ mi-ar fi scos un manuscris, ar fi t¶cut atâta timp ?, doar avusese destule ocazii, în atâ∞ia ani, s¶ m¶ abordeze - la lans¶ri de carte, la manifesta∞ii, la telefon… ïntr-un târziu am morm¶it : «Regret, îns¶…» - §i am în¶l∞at din umeri. Am sim∞it cum a∞a care ∞inea m¶rgelele corpurilor din fa∞a mea, trei, se rupe, cedeaz¶, iar elementele-componentele se depun, sonor, în gr¶m¶joare. D¶deam din buze, încercînd s¶ repar gafa cu o minciun¶, îns¶ nu-mi ie§ea nici un sunet… Cei trei s-au îndep¶rtat, s-au pierdut prin…- ce spun eu : “mul∞i- mea”, §i mai corect ar fi : totalìmea intelectuali§tei române aflat¶ în saloanele Senatului, pentru a primi - cu modestie spe- cific-na∞ional¶ - felicit¶rile Francezilor §i ale ne-Francezilor ne-români invita∞i la o asemenea, pardon, chermez¶. Am mai strâns-atins câteva zeci de mâini, am mai rostit câteva zeci de formule de polite∞e - îns¶ nu-mi puteam desprinde gândul (§i vinov¶∞ia) de “Popov”; adev¶rat, mai 4 PAUL GOMA degrab¶ de la Popova : peste ochii s¶i frumo§i (§i atât de tineri, atât de umezi) se l¶sase un v¶l de doliu, ai fi zis c¶, îndep¶rtîndu-se (în negru), în urma ei r¶m¶sese un mormânt proasp¶t, îns¶ la care ea nu va mai veni vreodat¶ - din pricina r¶spunsului meu (c¶ nu-mi aduc aminte ca “Popov”-ul ei iubit s¶-mi fi scos un manuscris din România, pentru Gallimard…). M-am consultat cu Ana Maria… Nu, nici ei nu-i spusese nimic numele, în fine, cuvântul :“Popov”. Dar a avansat o ipotez¶ : ca s¶ o epateze pe feti∞¶, b¶ie∞ic¶ se l¶udase cu o isprav¶ pe care vârsta-i fraged¶ nu i-o îng¶duia : o c¶l¶torie în România, acum cel pu∞in 15 ani §i scoaterea, ilegal¶, a unui manuscris pentru Gallimard… M-a anun∞at c¶ ea îl caut¶ pe Andrei, pentru “detalii”. Dup¶ o vreme s-a întors cu el. Râdeau. Ea a rezumat : «“Popov” e de vin¶. S-a recomandat : “Popov”, îns¶ noi l-am cunoscut sub numele - în fine, sub pseudonumele : “Popescu-sau-Popa”…» «Aaaa!», m-am b¶tut peste frunte. «“Popescu-sau-Popa”, cel cu plete pân¶ la omopla∞i, cu barb¶ pân¶ la buric - dar bine-n∞eles c¶ lui i-am dat un manuscris pentru Gallimard, în 73, noua variant¶ a Gherlei ! De ce nu a spus c¶ acum poart¶ alt nume ? £i c¶ nu mai are barb¶ §i plete ?», l-am întrebat pe Andrei. El a ridicat din umeri §i m-a anun∞at c¶ “Popa-Popescu” plecase dup¶ logodnica-i sup¶rat¶… ïntrev¶zusem drama puternic¶ provocat¶ de mine… L-am rugat pe Andrei s¶-i transmit¶ lui Popov, alias Popa-Popescu (Ana Maria avansase un al treilea - nu al patrulea ?- nume, tot conspirativ : Popper) c¶ l-a§ fi recunoscut pe dat¶, dac¶ mi-ar fi spus acel(e)a§i nume sub care, la Mogo§oaia… ; §i dac¶ m-ar fi avertizat c¶ “atunci” purta p¶rul lung, peste tot… Andrei a promis, dar n-am avut vreun semn c¶ Popescu-Popov-Popper l-ar fi primit. Am povestit întâmplarea de mai sus, ca s¶ explic : rar un nume auzit sau citit care s¶ nu-mi r¶mân¶. “Uit” doar numele unor tic¶lo§i - fie securi§ti, fie prieteni tr¶d¶tori - o maniera ca oricare alta de a-i pedepsi, potrivit blestemului : “Uita∞i-s-ar numele !” BASARABIA 5 Am deraiat, derapat, nimerind în alt¶ carte ? Deloc. Toate c¶r∞ile pe care le-am scris alc¶tuiesc p¶r∞i, fragmente, capitole din aceea§i. Pe care, vai, n-am s-o pot rotunji, termina vreodat¶ §i nimeni de dup¶ mine nu o va încheia. Alunecarea la Popa-Popov-Popper-Popescu (de ce nu §i : Pop ?) nu este o r¶t¶cire, o parantez¶, un accident, o eroare, ci un firesc demers ; §i important. Cred c¶ eu ar fi trebuit s¶ m¶ nasc evreu ; presupun c¶ eu ar fi trebuit s¶ fiu evreu §i nu Evreii care ignor¶, nu doar un precept religios, ci natura profund¶ a omului, cea care nu accept¶ decât un singur nume, întâiul, pe care îl faci tu, purt¶tor, dup¶ chipul §i asem¶narea ta ; care te modeleaz¶ el, purtat, dup¶ chipul §i rostirea §i scrierea lui. “Celelalte” (printre ele : pseudonimele arti§tilor, ale scriitorilor) pot fi c¶m¶§i, izmene, ciorapi, schimbabile, dar nu pielea. Pielea, ca §i numele-prim, nu se schimb¶ : în ea te na§ti, cu ea de gât mori. Deci, când Victor a… - iat¶-m¶, întors. Când Victor a spus despre cine era vorba, am în∞eles c¶ îmi r¶m¶sese în memoria viscerelor, nu “soarta unui om” (m-am trimis pe loc la nuvela lui £olohov, ecranizat¶ de Bondarciuk, unul din primele filme adev¶rate, de§i sovietice, v¶zute în România), ci soarta sor¶-si : o resim∞eam ca pe o secure care-mi cr¶pase capul §i nu se mai dezînfipsese de-acolo, fierul îi ruginise, lemnul cozii putrezise, a§chiile moi de lemn, de fier se amestecaser¶ cu p¶mântul, cu iarba, cu ∞¶nd¶ri din ∞easta mea - prin bocet. Femeia aceea tân¶r¶ î§i bocea fratele reg¶sit la distan∞¶ de atâ∞ia ani, atâ∞ia ani, dup¶ ce îi f¶cuse slujb¶ de îmormântare pentru mormintele goale §i cruce la r¶s¶rit. Bocetul. Era, nu de-mort, ci de-bocitoare. Era bocìt, nu bocìtul, care tot nu mai sim∞ea nimic, ci bocitoarea.
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