dreamcatcher about dreamcatcher

There are two stories of how the dreamcatcher came to be. The Lokota tribe believes the dreamcatcher captures the good dreams and lets the bad dreams pass through the centre. In this way you will always carry good dreams with you.

The Cherokee believe that the dreamcatcher ensnares bad dreams in its web which are burned up in the morning sun. Good dreams pass through the centre to the sleeper. For pragmatic reasons I have used the Cherokee legend in this play. This story is in the play’s opening.

I am extremely grateful to Native American historian Bearded Wolf for the dreamcatcher legends, and for the extraordinarily beautiful ‘Silver Bear’ message of friendship that you will hear (slightly amended) at the end of this play as ‘the words of the Dreamcatcher’.

I am also hugely indebted to Jenifer Toksvig for her great assistance in moulding this show – and I still think “Shake, Ripple & Roll” is the best children’s musical for years!

Dreamcatcher was written specifically to meet the needs of our theatre school, Best Theatre Arts, where we make a promise that every child will be fully involved in the show, and simply couldn’t find anything at the time we felt did the job.

It is episodic (for ease of rehearsals), has a CD of the backing music available (we always have trouble getting bands together) and has sections which give children of any age between 6 and 15 (or so) a chance in the limelight.

The play was first performed in its original form by students of Best Theatre Arts on 26 March 2002 at The Sandpit Theatre in St Albans. It was performed in an amended version in 30 March and 2 April 2007. This version was completed for intended performance in March/April 2017.

Performance Rights

No part of this play shall be performed, copied or otherwise transmitted without permission. All applications for rights for performance / production / copying should be made to

David Bevan Best Theatre Arts 61 Marshalswick Lane St Albans Herts AL1 4UT

Tel 01727 759634 Email [email protected]

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 2 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

dreamcatcher synopsis

Act 1 Scene 1

Overture. Sam reads a bedtime story about the Cherokee’s legend of the Dreamcatcher (song: Connections). Her dad has given Sam a wonderful dreamcatcher to hang over her bed whilst he is away working. She talks to her Mum about her troubles at school, missing her Dad and her sadness at the loss of her teddy bear, Benny. She settles down to sleep and after a dumbshow of the various weird and wonderful characters she is about to meet, the Dreamcatcher arrives (song: Dreamsong). They go off into her dream in search of the lost Benny Bear.

Act 1 Scene 2

Sam and Dreamcatcher arrive at the Dreamticket Office and have to go through various bits of silliness from Martha the Dream Ticket Master including a demonstration of a method for flushing away weirdness. Eventually they manage to buy a Dream Ticket for three wishes – to go back to her old school, to see more of her dad, and to sing in a pop group. Martha warns Sam about being too trustful (song: Appearances Can Be Deceptive). Sam and Dreamcatcher leave to report the bear’s loss to the Police.

Suddenly, the evil NightMare appears and calls in her minions the Bed Bugs (song: Bed Bug Boogie). She orders them to help her find and destroy Benny Bear whilst she aims to capture Sam.

Act 1 Scene 3

In a brief sketch The Dream Police demonstrate their total incompetence and obsession with tea. Sam and Dreamcatcher arrive and Sam is interrogated as to the bear’s whereabouts (song: The Police Stomp). The Police eventually believe her and tell her of a sighting of the bear in the Frozen Forest - but go off for a tea break rather than helping immediately.

Act 1 Scene 4

Sam and Dreamcatcher arrive at the Frozen Forest. She meets four menacing older children who threaten and insult her. But Sam begins to understand how bullies work and successfully defuses the situation. The bullies leave telling Sam to watch out for the trees. Sam and Dreamcatcher find themselves being entangled in trees and branches (song: Coldwood, Darkwood). Sam realises they are only trying to keep warm and in doing so she breaks the spell on the Frozen Forest and the trees burst into leaf.

They hide Sam and Dreamcatcher from the passing Bed Bugs, before Martha arrives with the tea trolley, warning them that there is turbulence ahead.

They are about to leave when suddenly NightMare and her ghoulish sidekicks arrive (song: The Nightmare Scenario). Dreamcatcher suffers but Sam manages to use a Dream feather to escape, realising that it is her dream and if she really wants something to happen, it will.

NightMare runs away – for now – and Sam and Dreamcatcher leave. The Police arrive just too late, and send out the audience for the interval. But as they do so, a Pirate Captain crosses the stage behind them unseen, and in his clutches… Benny!

End of Act One

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 3 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Act 2 Scene 1

The Dream Police bring people back into the auditorium and briefly recap the story so far. Sam and Dreamcatcher arrive and sing of their growing friendship (song: Webs We Weave). They leave, closely followed now by the Dream Police.

Act 2 Scene 2

Sam and Dreamcatcher arrive at a daytime TV studio where two presenters and a roller skating weather girl introduce the fabulous girl band, Little Mixed Sugarspice. During the interview the band argue before introducing the newest member of their group, Sam! Sam joins them to sing their new song (song: I Feel Surreal) before deciding that perhaps being in a band isn’t that cool after all. She flushes them away. In the song was a clue to Benny’s whereabouts – with the Pirates. Sam and Dreamcatcher leave to find them.

Act 2 Scene 3

On Pirate Island we find the Pirates rehearsing their obligatory Pirate musical number (song: Pirates on Parade). Sam talks to the captain and we gradually realise that he is, in fact, her ‘Dad’. At last she is able to tell him how she really feels and he reciprocates. A new understanding is reached.

He then explains that they are holding the bear for ransom as that is what pirates are supposed to do. He shows her a treasure map – in fact a map of the Dreamcatcher’s web – showing Benny’s location. Sam and Dreamcatcher hurry off. The Dream Police arrive and the pirates are deputised to help in the search for the bear and the fight against NightMare.

Act 3 Scene 4

The Bed Bugs are on parade and are confronted by Sam. They try and laugh her off but only succeed in making themselves look even more stupid (song: The Mess March). Having been ordered to leave Sam to NightMare, they head off to try to get to Benny first, closely followed by Sam and Dreamcatcher. The Dream Police and Pirates arrive in hot pursuit.

Act 3 Scene 5

The map shows that Benny’s hiding place is at the end of Memory Lane. Here Sam must try to remember something good in order to pass. She recalls her last day at her old school where her class were taken on a country walk, and lay on the grass, making imaginary shapes out of the passing clouds (song: Skypainting by Numbers).

Her Mum arrives to take her away, and she leaves her old classmates with a tender farewell. Now she knows she always has friends, wherever she is. It’s time for the final battle!

Act 2 Scene 6

Sam and Dreamcatcher arrive at the centre of the dreamcatcher, only to find NightMare waiting for her. Dreamcatcher is captured by NightMare who also grabs the Bear, but the Dream Police and Pirates arrive and snatch the bear back. They are in turn confronted by the Bed Bugs, but when Martha arrives to check everyone’s Dream Ticket she retrieves the bear. She realises her perilous position and runs off.

There is a huge chase involving just about everyone which results in NightMare and Sam confronting each other. Sam and Dreamcatcher retreat to the centre of the Dreamcatcher where NightMare cannot go. She is now caught in the strands of the Dreamcatcher’s web and will be burned up in the morning Sun.

Sam relents and puts her and her minions in the custody of the Dream Police, feeling that she can now cope with nightmares if ever she has them. Sam falls asleep in dreamcatcher’s arms…  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 4 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Act 2 Scene 7

…and is taken back to her bed. The Dreamcatcher bids her farewell in the words of the ancient Cherokee message of friendship. Sam awakes but can’t remember her dream. Her Mum tells her there is a surprise waiting for her downstairs. She leaps out of bed - and finds Benny! Memories come flooding back (song: Dreamsong reprise). A voice calls her to breakfast. It is her dad, unexpectedly returned. She runs off in total delight as the lights fade to spot on the dreamcatcher hanging over her bed. Blackout.

Walk Down and Finale

(song: The Webs We Weave reprise) production notes

This show is meant to be ‘production light’. We had no-one to build things so other than a bed and a desk or two there is virtually no set. Pools of light, hazing and the odd puff of smoke are really all we used.

Costumes should be easily obtainable as they are intentionally stereotypical. We got our trees to make their own facemasks out of paper leaves.

The backing tracks and accompanying notes on chord sequences should be enough to rehearse with.

The play package comes with a complete set of sound effects and scene fills.

There are elements in the play which need to be kept up to date – it’s obvious where these are.

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 5 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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cast (in order of appearance)

Mummy Sam’s Mum – played by an adult if possible Sam Child of 9/10 – Boy or Girl The Spider The creator of the Dreamcatcher Nokomis Aged and mystic Cherokee woman Keegwa Nokomis’ Grandson Dreamcatcher (DC) A mystical, Shaman-like figure Martha the DreamTicketMaster Airline Steward / Cocktail Lounge Singer Detective Superintendent (DS) Useless and stupid Police Sergeant (Sarge) A little less useless and stupid Police Constable (Cons) The brightest policeman Linda Nasty bully Paul Chief bully Edward Pathetic bully who sucks up to Paul Sarah Very nasty bully NightMare (NM) A monstrous Tina Turner/Siouxsie Sioux-like harridan Anger Vampyric Rock Chick with an anger problem Loneliness Vampyric Rock Chick with no friends Fear Scary Vampyric Rock Chick Sadness Depresssed Vampyric Rock Chick Bed Bug Drill Sergeant (Drill) Self-important, loud and incompetent Bed Bug Colonel (CO) Blustering and officious Tina Established Daytime TV presenter Lena Ambitious but useless Daytime TV presenter Gina Daytime TV Weathergirl on roller skates Tammii Cooky Singer with Little Mixed SugarSpice Ronnii Singer with Little Mixed SugarSpice and Band leader Pammii Cynical Singer with Little Mixed SugarSpice Jannii Arrogant Singer with Little Mixed SugarSpice Pirate Captain Long-suffering and a little depressed Pirate Bosun Trainee pirate Tarquin Cowardly trainee Pirate Other parts Allocated amongst the cast and chorus as appropriate chorus

Connections Dressed in black Fireflies Dressed all in black with small penlight torches The First Impressions Chorus line for ‘Appearances’ number – top hats and canes. Policemen Dressed in blue with little police helmets Frozen Trees Dressed in black, grey or white. Bed Bugs In scruffy camouflage with little antennae. Pirates Ragbag of trainee pirates in stripy shirts and cut off trousers. Eye patches and plastic swords. School Class Playing around 6/7/8years old – in school uniform if possible.

Because of the predominance of females in the first cast, the Dreamcatcher and Sam are referred to in the feminine throughout, but either can be played by a boy or a girl (with the appropriate changes in the script). Sam should play around 9/10 years old. In fact, let’s face it, all the parts can be played by boys or girls really!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 6 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT ONE Scene 1 Dreamsong

Song Overture and Connections

(A child’s bedroom. Bed with a child’s quilt, bedside table with light. A large and magnificent dreamcatcher hangs over the bed or over centre stage. During the Overture Sam is getting ready for bed in pyjamas. Mum enters, Sam gets into to bed and they start to read the story which is simultaneously re-enacted downstage, the Cherokee legend of the Spider and the Dreamcatcher…

Spider: Building a web that is strong and mechanical Crossing and meshing and testing its strength Creating a shape that is bold and symmetrical String by string and length by length

Nokomis: Spider, I watch you at work on your masterpiece Tirelessly toiling by night and by day Plotting and scheming, spinning and weaving The stealthy hunter sets the trap for his prey

All All things are connected like the strands of the web The world is more complex than we’ll ever know We dance through its net like the scuttling spider Meeting and leaving but not alone

Nokomis: Dance for me Spider, spin me a dreamscape Dangerous and beautiful – a wonderful lie

Spider: With each connection a new friend is born The whole world in miniature, coming alive

All All things are connected like the strands of the web The world is more complex than we’ll ever know We dance through its net like the scuttling spider Meeting and leaving but not alone

(Music continues over next section. Enter Keegwa)

Mum: (reading) One day as Nokomis was watching the Spider her grandson came in.

Keegwa: Nokomis-iya! (He stomps over to the spider and goes to squash it)

Nokomis: No, Keegwa, don't hurt him.

Keegwa: Nokomis, why do you protect the spider?

Nokomis: He is working hard to survive in the only way he can. And what he builds is of beauty and strength. He does us no harm.

Keegwa: But I am a hunter!

Nokomis: A good hunter only kills what he needs for warmth, safety or nourishment.

Keegwa: (thinks) One day I will be a great hunter! So I must leave the spider.

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 7 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Nokomis: (smiling) Good, Keegwa. You will be a fine warrior indeed! Run along now and play. (He does)

Spider: Thank you, Nokomis. But for your help the boy would surely have killed me. For many days you have watched me spin and weave my web. You have admired my work. In return for saving my life I will give you a gift.

Mum: (reading) The spider set to work building a magnificent web. He laboured throughout the day and into the night – working by the light of the moon.

(Here the cast use ribbons or cords to create a Dreamcatcher-like web, round a clean spot CS.)

Spider: See how I spin? See and learn, for each web will snare bad dreams. Only good dreams will go through the small hole in the centre. This is my gift to you. Use it so that only good dreams will be remembered. The bad dreams will become entangled in the web and will burn away in the morning sun.

All (sing) Our nightmares are caught in the strands of the dreamcatcher Burning them up in the heat of the Sun We move through our dreams like the scuttling spider Waking and sleeping, but not alone Waking and sleeping, but not alone

(The story characters exit as the music fades.)

Mum: (reading) And this is how the Cherokee tribe believe the dreamcatcher came to be. (closes book and starts to tuck Sam in)

Sam: And that’s why we have dreamcatchers?

Mum: I guess so. It’s a sort of fairy story. Made up. But Daddy really does think this will protect you, and that’s why he got it for you.

Sam: It does look cool hanging over my bed.

Mum : Then that’s all that matters! Now sleep time, you! Come on, snuggle in. Are you feeling any better now?

Sam: A bit. I wish we hadn’t had to move. I really miss our old house and my school and my friends.

Mum: Try and give it a little more time.

Sam: I just want someone to play with. Everyone’s been so horrible – especially at playtime.

Mum: Do you want me to speak to your teachers?

Sam: (thinks) Maybe… no. I don’t want to get anyone into trouble. And they might hate me more if they think I’ve told on them.

Mum: Ok. I think you are very brave, Sam, wanting to sort all this out yourself. You’re a lovely girl. I’m sure they’ll realise that very soon. Daddy and I are very proud of you.

Sam: I know. But you’re not very good on my Playstation! (* substitute with the game of the moment).

Mum: Then you’ll just have to teach us!

Sam: But Daddy’s never got time to play any more. And he’s been away for ages.  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 8 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Mum: He’s started a new job, Sam. It’s hard for him too. He’s got to make new friends and now he has to travel too. But you know he’d rather spend time with you than at work. I miss him too, you know?

Sam: I know. We’ll be all right Mum.

Mum: Of course we will.

Sam: Mummy?

Mum: Yes, Sam?

Sam: Where do you think Benny Bear is now? (This is clearly a bedtime ritual)

Mum: Ooh, he could be anywhere, couldn’t he? I think he’s in Australia bouncing with a kangaroo.

Sam: He was swimming with penguins yesterday.

Mum: Maybe he got too cold.

Sam: (sadly) I wish I hadn’t left him on the train when we came here. He’d play with me.

Mum: I know. But wherever he is he’s safe and sound and I bet he’s missing you too.

Sam: Night night Mummy

Mum : Night night Sam. You’re still my baby you know. (Another ritual)

Sam: (giggles) I know. If you speak to Dad tonight, thank him again for the dreamcatcher. It makes me feel all safe!

Mum: That’s what it’s there for. Good night, Sam, sleep tight, hope the bed bugs don’t bite.

Sam: Yeuch! Me too!

(Mum kisses Sam, switches out the bedside light and leaves - bed should now be very dimly lit)

Sam: (after a pause, and trying to convince herself) There are no bed bugs in here! Anyway, the dreamcatcher will protect me…won’t you, dreamcatcher?

(Silence. Sam falls asleep. Blackout. Instrumental: What Dreams May Come…. A deep phased synthesised note is heard. Now we hear the faintest tinkle of piano notes in the distance. And, far away, children’s voices singing. There is the sound of Indian drums. Tiny lights flit across the stage – the Fireflies. Children dressed in black carrying mini torches. They whisper as they run. The synthesised note grows louder. Through the gloom march the Bed Bugs, the Policemen and the Pirates in a kind of dumb show. They are picked out by the torches. We hear drums. The torches turn towards the bed. Lights come up on a pile of rags behind the bed. They extend and we realise it is the Dreamcatcher. She is a wonderful, but slightly scary and tatty sight. Feathers, hide, ribbons. A Medicine Man / Shaman.).

DC: (chants) The river of night runs soft and deep So drifting, floating, softly sleep, When you see me beside you, you will not fear You’ll know who I am, and why I am here Dreams will surround you till you rise. Now, sleeping Sam, open your eyes…  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 9 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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(Sam awakes with a start. She is immediately at ease – it is important there is no threat here)

Hello Sam. Do you know who I am?

Sam: (points to the dreamcatcher) Are you….?

DC: Yes? (The intro for ‘Dreamsong’ plays)

Sam: You’re my Dreamcatcher, aren’t you?

DC: Yours alone. You called me. I came.

Sam: Did I? I must have. Am I dreaming now?

DC: What do you think? (sings)

Song Dreamsong

DC: Whenever you slumber The Dreamcatcher comes. Spinning and weaving To the beat of the drum. So open your mind To new sounds and sights. Endlessly original, Night after night. We’ll catch a dream. Any dream. And make it come true. For I am the Dreamcatcher Dreaming with you

You know me from fantasy, The story you read. Imagination. Your creation. Awaking in bed. There’re Bed Bugs to battle with And new friends to meet All for you only The world at your feet So catch a dream. Any dream. Make it come true. For I am the Dreamcatcher Dreaming with you

You called me – I have answered. So hold me – you’ll be strong. Come with me. Walk with me. All the night long. I’ll take you to dreamscapes Built inside your head. We’ll fly through your Universe While you’re safe in your bed. So catch a dream. Any dream. And make it come true.  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 10 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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For I am the Dreamcatcher Dreaming with you

(Music continues over following dialogue)

Sam: So is this really happening?

DC: In your dreams, yes. But you are safe and sound in bed.

Sam: Can you catch dreams for me?

DC: I catch the bad ones, and let only good things come to you. But when you’re with me you will see everything. It’s up to you to choose whether things are good or bad.

Sam: Honestly?

DC: Honestly.

Sam: Forever?

DC: Forever. (Sings) Don’t fear the NightMare You’ll win in the end, With me as your guardian And dearest of friends. Nothing is impossible When under my trance. So sing with me. Laugh with me. Join in the dance…

(They dance together joyfully.)

You called me – I have answered. So hold me – you’ll be strong. Come with me. Walk with me. All the night long. I’ll take you to dreamscapes Built inside your head. We’ll fly through your Universe While you’re safe in your bed. So catch a dream. Any dream. Make it come true. For I am the Dreamcatcher Forever with you (Song ends)

Sam: Wow! My Dreamcatcher. You are a bit…

DC: Frightening? If you want me to I can change. I am in your imagination and it is for you to choose my form.

Sam: Oh, good! Well, perhaps you could just be a little less scary…?

DC: As you wish.

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 11 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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(She changes to a more traditional and less scary Native Indian-influenced costume – the Fireflies can reappear and effect the change magically.)

Sam: Wow! Cool!

DC: Is that better?

Sam: Much, thanks.

DC: Are you ready, Sam? We should leave.

Sam: (putting on dressing gown and slippers) Where are we going?

DC: Anywhere you like! Where do you want to go? What are you looking for?

Sam : (thinks) I know! Benny! Let’s go and find Benny! Mummy says he’s in Australia bouncing with the Kangaroos!

DC: Sam, if you really want to find Benny it’s going to be difficult.

Sam: Why?

DC: Because you’ve imagined all sorts of horrible things that might have happened to him and they are still there in your head. We might have to get past them.

Sam: (a little scared) Oh…

DC: But don’t worry Sam. Just remember these are YOUR dreams. Nothing can harm you if you don’t want it to. And nothing is impossible.

Sam: (uncertainly) Uh, OK.

DC: And one last very important thing….

Sam: What?

DC: ... no, best let the Dreamticketmaster tell you about that.

Sam: The Dreamticketmaster?

DC: Where do you go when you need to travel somewhere?

Sam: Station? Airport?

DC: And what do you need to get to allow you to travel?

Sam: A ticket?

DC: Exactly, We need to go to the Dreamticket office.

Sam: But how do we get there?

DC: Each of these (she holds out feathers) is a key to a dream. Now hold out your hands (Sam does so).

(Chants)  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 12 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Catch a dream. Any dream Make it come true For I am the Dreamcatcher Travelling with you…

(DC drops the feather which Sam catches. They are transported via a light/music transportation sequence. The same sequence should be used for each subsequent transportation and should be long enough to cover any necessary set changes.)

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 13 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT ONE Scene 2 Dreamticket

(They arrive at a toll booth/ticket office. Martha, the DreamTicketmaster waits behind the counter. She is dressed in some form of airline stewardess-type uniform.)

Sam: (looks around) I guess this is where we get the ticket.

DC: Yes. Just for you though, I’ve got a Season Ticket.

Sam: Oh. (to Martha) Hello!

Martha: (staring into middle distance with a cheesy smile).Thank you for calling Dreamscape Ticket Office. To help us to answer your enquiry efficiently, please select one of the following options: if you are a Dreamscape Executive Club Card holder and are being attacked by an aardvaark, please shout ‘1’. If you are calling to report a fault in your dream please accept our apologies and shout ‘2’. If you are a first time dreamer and wish to purchase a Dream Ticket, please shout ‘3’. For all other enquiries, shout ‘4’.

Sam: 3!

Martha: Thank you. Please wait while we try to connect you. (Pause - muzak) Unfortunately all our operatives are busy at present. You are now held in a queue and will be answered as soon as someone is available.

(Cheesy ‘Hold Muzak’. Martha stands still with a fixed beaming smile.Sam and DC shift uneasily)

Sam: This is a bit silly. (louder) Er…good evening!

(Muzak ends)

Martha: Thank you for holding. We’re sorry to keep you waiting. But your call is important to us, and will be answered as soon as one of our operatives is free.

(Muzak restarts. Sam and DC look at each other with growing exasperation.)

DC: AHEM!!!!!

(Muzak stops. Martha now addresses Sam.)

Martha: Good morning and welcome to Dreamscape. My name is Martha, the Dreamticket Master and I’ll be issuing your Dreamtickets today. We trust that you will enjoy getting your ticket and that you’ll be using Dreamscape for all your future reverie requirements. How may I help you today?

Sam: I’d like a ticket.

Martha: Of course. Where to?

Sam: I don’t know.

Martha: Uh-huh! And when are you travelling?

Sam: Now?

Martha: Fine. When are you coming back?

Sam: Later?  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 14 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Martha: Direction of travel?

Sam: What?

Martha: Do you want to face forwards or backwards?

Sam: Er... forwards I think.

Martha: (grins) No sense of adventure, eh? And finally, purpose of visit?

Sam: Purpose?

Martha: Why are you visiting Dreamland tonight?

Sam: Oh, to find Benny Bear.

Martha: Excellent. Bear with me for a moment whilst our advanced computer system checks availability.

(Martha brings out a huge dusty tome - the timetable/fares book, blows off dust and thumps it down. This is the advanced computer system?)

Martha: Let’s see, going to I don’t know, travelling now, coming back later … hmmmm .. best I can do is a Super Off Peak Economy Coach Saver. If you were coming back ‘Whenever’ instead of ‘Later’ it would bring the price down a bit but ‘I Don’t Know’ is a very popular destination at this time of year.

Sam: Oh… alright… I’ll have one of them then.

Martha: OK. One Super Off Peak Economy Coach saver going to I don’t know, coming back later and leaving now. Still pricey I’m afraid. That’ll be three.

Sam: (confused) Three???

Martha: Yes three.

Sam: Three what?

Martha: Three. Just three.

Sam: (to DC) What’s she talking about?

DC: Whatever you want. It’s your dream!

Sam: Oh, I know! Three wishes?

DC: Try it?

Sam: I wish I was a pop star

Martha: (making notes) A popstar. Funny how often I hear that one. But think more carefully this time. What do you really, really want?

Sam: I wish I was back in my old school.

Martha: … back in her old school. That’s better. And finally?  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 15 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Sam: (quietly) I wish I could see more of my Dad. I miss him.

Martha: (noting) Dad…more time with….Okey dokey, that’s fine. Dreamscape will endeavour to meet your dreaming requirements. Here is your ticket – DON’T LOSE IT!

Sam: Thank you. (she moves as if to leave)

Martha: (stopping her) Where are you going?

Sam: (points uncertainly) That way?

Martha: You haven’t had the briefing yet.

Sam: What briefing?

Martha: The safety briefing. (There is a glockenspiel ‘bing bong’. She addresses the audience in full flight attendant mode.) Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Welcome on board Dreamscape Flight of Fancy Number 1035.This dream is fitted with the very latest devices for your comfort and safety. In the extremely likely event of a close encounter with a ravenous monster, your emergency exits are here, here and here. Your lifejackets are located somewhere but we’ve completely forgotten where although we’re sure we saw them yesterday. During the course of your dream you may experience some strangeness. This is entirely normal and can be relieved by squatting, holding onto your nose, holding one arm in the air and pulling it down like this. This manoeuvre is for strangeness only and must NOT be used when faced with danger.

(There is the sound of a flushing toilet.)

(to audience) Please practice this procedure now.

(Sound of flushing again. Audience may need some encouragement.)

Thank you. All travellers are requested to remember that it is their dream so there’s no one else to blame, nothing is impossible and that appearances can be deceptive.

Dream conditions are good and we should be arriving at your destination at waking up time. Your Dreamticketmaster today is me, Martha, and I will provide you with refreshments once you are travelling. Should you require my assistance at any time, please shout ‘Bing Bong’. Please will you try this out too? (audience does) Thank you. We hope you have a pleasant trip. (Takes a breathe before beginning again – in French) Bonjour, messieurs/dames. Bienvenue à borde…

DC: (impatiently) Yes, yes, thank you. (Martha stops) Got it?

Sam: I think so. Exits are here, here and here and you can stop strangeness by doing this (flushing sound) and you can get help by shouting Bing Bong. But what did she mean, appearances can be deceptive?

DC: That was the other important thing!

Martha: You mean you haven’t told her?

DC: Oh, you do it so much better!

(Song intro begins)

Martha: Ok, listen…

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 16 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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SONG: Appearances Can Be Deceptive

(Martha sings to the audience in ‘cocktail lounge’ style. During the song other ‘Big Band’ dancers come on – it turns into a big band, high-kicking chorus line number.)

Appearances can be deceptive Everything is not as it seems A friendly face might be hiding trouble So be careful who you trust in your dreams

An apple falls, you take a bite… Hello, Maggot! WOW! What a fright! Appearances can be deceptive every time!

Appearances can be deceptive, As you will soon discover. Every cloud has a silver lining. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

So take a pinch of salt with everything It’ll help you find your bear by remembering that Appearances can be deceptive every time!

Appearances can be deceptive, Everything is not as it seems. Don’t put your money on a first impression. Try not to go on gut feel.

Hiding a secret? Hiding a light? Rip the mask off! WOW! I was right! Appearances can be deceptive every time!

(The song finishes ending with a big pose centre stage. Sam tries the flushing thing and they all fall away.)

Sam: It works then!

DC: Well done. That was getting a bit weird and I think we’ve got the message. Now off we go. Have you got your tickets? Good. Ready? (holds up a feather)

Sam: Hold on, where are we going?

DC: Well where do you go when you’ve lost something valuable?

Sam: The Police?

DC: The girl’s a genius! Let’s go! Ready now?

Sam: Ready!

DC drops the feather and transportation sequence begins As they leave there is a discordant crash of chords. NightMare appears! She’s a Tina Turner / Siouxsie Sioux type harridan – big hair and lots of ‘Kiss’ make up but there’s something more monstrous about her.  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 17 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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NightMare: So yet another dares to venture into my domain – the world of NightMare! And this one is after a little, cuddly teddy bear? (spits) Well, we’ll show her what NightMare is all about. But I need that bear! Bed Bugs! Come to Mummy!

(Bed Bugs start singing offstage and march on during the next sequence. They are a scruffy group of commandos with dirty faces and a ragbag mixture of camouflage clothing. They all have little antennae on their heads.)

Drill: I don’t know but I’ve been told

Squad: I don’t know but I’ve been told

Drill: Bed Bugs are both brave and bold

Squad: Bed Bugs are both brave and bold

Drill: I don’t know but it’s been said

Squad: I don’t know but it’s been said

Drill: Bed Bugs eat into your head

Squad: Bed Bugs eat into your head

Drill: Sound off!

Squad: Bed Bugs!

Drill: Sound off!

Squad: Bed bugs!

Drill: Count off!

Squad: 1,2,3,4 – 1,2 – 3,4

Drill: Squad halt.

Drill: Squad left face! Squad, bring it down!

Song : Bed Bug Boogie

Funky rap. Lines divided up and spoken in groups as appropriate.

Yo yo we ‘re the bugs, we’re the bugs that bite We’re the bugs that come a-buggin in the cold, cold night We live in the sheets, you can’t wash us away So you’d better listen out to what we say…

If you’ve got an itch with flakin’ skin You’ll be sheddin’ on your beddin’ and we’ll walk right in We’re weird lookin’ animals, a scary bunch And when it’s time for you to go to bed its BedBug lunch

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 18 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Chorus So don’t try and blame biology Bugs like us are meant to be Don’t try and use technology Hooverin’ and sprayin’ things just sets us free We’re Bed Buggin’! We’re Bed Buggin’!

Dandruff is a special treat And the athlete’s foot eatin’ up your feet Dermatitis will excite us for a start And eczema’s excellent for dessert

We’re bustin’, disgustin’ we’re seriously grim So scratch that itch and shed that skin Psoriasis is paradise for bugs like us We’ll feast on your sheets and float in the dust

Chorus

We’re the Bed Bugs, counting 1, 2, 3 Evolution played a trick on you and me We’re no oil painting, no, we’re ugly as sin So pull back the covers and we’ll jump right in

If Mummy said your bed’s clean then be sure she’s lied We don’t believe in insecticide Just for good measure we’re a friend to fleas So sneeze that sneeze and wheeze that wheeze

Chorus

(Song ends with exaggerated rap poses.)

NightMare: Enough!

Drill: Ten hut!

Squad snaps to attention

NightMare: (walking up and down in front of them as if on parade) Listen, my little horrors, and listen well. A young girl has just entered Dreamworld and she’s looking for a teddy bear called Benny.

Bug 1: (sweetly) Aaah!

NightMare: (whips round) Who said that! (silence) I asked who made that pathetic noise. The culprit will take one step forward.

(Squad all take one step back leaving Bug 1 unaware.)

NightMare: You? You horrible little bug.

Bug 1: (Bug1 looks round in shock and realises he’s been had and gulps) Sorry, your NightMareness.

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 19 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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NightMare: Sorry? Sorry? You will be sorry. Oh yes. When you go to sleep tonight. When your head touches your pillow and you relax into an easy, tired slumber, I’ll be there. I’ll be there, waiting for you. I’ll show you fear. I’ll show you horror. I’ll show you…a NightMare!

Bug 1: Ooh ‘eck!

NightMare: Colonel?

Colonel: Yes, Ma’am

NightMare: I must have this Benny Bear.

Colonel: Yes Ma’am. Of course, Ma’am. We’ll secure it for you, Ma’am.

NightMare: Hmm, Just make sure you do. Failure is not an option.

Drill: No, Ma’am. It’s a word. It means ‘a lack of success’.

Colonel kicks him, NightMare glares.

Colonel: We won’t fail you, ma’am. You can rely on us, Ma’am. And what about the girl?

NightMare: The girl? Oh I have some seriously unpleasant things planned for her. Leave her to me...

Colonel: Leave the girl to you, and capture the bear. Yes, Ma’am.

NightMare: That bear. I want its head. By the end of tonight. Or else…

Whole group gulps

NightMare: ..the NightMare begins! (leaves cackling)

Whole group knees shaking

Drill : Come on, Squad, pull yourselves together! Look mean!

(They pull scary poses)

Drill: You!! You ‘orrible little bug. What’s your name.

Bug2: Sir, Grime, Sir!

Drill: Grime, eh? What are you supposed to be then? An ickle Fairy? LOOK SCARY!

Bug2: Like this, Sir? (he tries again)

Drill: Pathetic. Leave cancelled. You!

Bug3: Sir!

Drill: What are you smirking at!

Bug3: Sir, nothing, sir!

Drill: Smirking can damage your health!!  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 20 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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(General guffaws)

Drill WHO LAUGHED???

(Bugs try not to laugh)

Drill: Anyone who laughs will drop and give me twenty. (he goes to each one in turn) YOU! You see anything funny?

Bug4: Sir, um, no sir! (only just succeeding in not laughing)

Drill: Hmmmmnnn. You! You find anything funny?

Bug5: No sir, I don’t sir!

Drill: Don’t what, soldier?

Bug5: Don’t smirk, sir!

(They all fall about.)

Drill: SILENCE!!! (they pull themselves together with difficulty) Any more outbursts like this and you’ll be cleaning the underside of my car… and believe me, you don’t want to see my dirty bottom!

(General hilarity)

Drill: SILENCE! SILENCE I SAY! Squad, TEN HUT!

CO: (despairingly) When will you ever learn?

Drill: Sorry, Sir.

CO: Let’s move out. This girl’s got a head start on us.

Drill: Yessir! Bed Bugs, left face. (they do) Squad, by the right, quick march! I don’t know but I’ve been told…

Squad: I don’t know but I’ve been told…

Drill: Bed Bugs are both brave and bold…

Squad: Bed Bugs are both brave and bold…

Drill: I’ve been told that it’s a crime…

Squad: I’ve been told that it’s a crime…

Drill: er….I can’t think of another rhyme…

Squad dissolves in giggles as they exit

Drill: SILENCE!

(Transformation sequence)  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 21 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT ONE Scene 3 Dreampolice

(Desk with anglepoise and two chairs Detective Superintendent sits with his feet on the desk. He is a tatty, seedy type with a little police helmet on. Sergeant enters. He/she is slightly less tatty and desperately trying to be cool in a dated 70’s Sweeney kind of way. Again a little police hat.)

Sarge: Morning, Super!

DS: Morning, wonderful!

Sarge: What’s the news?

DS: It’s a television or radio programme that tells you what’s ‘appenin’, but I’ve got more important things to think about!

Sarge: Like what?

DS: That toerag Nightmare has pulled a fast one, hopped chokey and done a runner wiv the griff on the Hatfield tickle and a bag full of Tom.

Sarge: Come again?

DS: (sighs) That toerag Nightmare has pulled a fast one, hopped chokey and done a runner wiv the griff on the Hatfield tickle and a bag full of Tom.

Sarge Er, sorry, didn’t quite catch that either.

DS: (with increasing irritation) That toerag…you know…Rascal. Criminal. Thief.

Sarge: Oh right! (Pause)……..what was the rest of it again?

DS: Doh! Look, (takes a deep breath and in RP) The notorious criminal Nightmare has implemented a cunning plan enabling her to abscond from police custody and is currently evading recapture whilst taking with her considerable intelligence as to the miscreants who effected the recent daring raid on the jeweller’s shop in Hatfield* and a briefcase full of stolen jewellery!

(*Substitute local place name.)

Sarge: Alright, alright. No need to get shirty.

(Enter Constable in a more ‘close to regulation’ uniform but also wearing little helmet. He/she carries a tray of styrofoam cups.)

Cons: Hello! (bends knees)

Sarge: Hello! (bends knees)

DS: Hello! (bends knees)

Cons: What’s goin’ on ‘ere then?

Sarge : The Super was just tellin’ me that that toerag, Nightmare has pulled a fast one, hopped chokey and done a runner with the griff on the Hatfield tickle and a bagful of Tom.

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 22 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Cons: Do what?

DS: JUST DON’T EVEN START!!!!

Cons: Oooooooooooh! Who got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning? Here’s a cuppa Rosie!

DS: White with 6 sugars? Ta!

Sarge: Lovely!

Cons: Bad news, Sarge. We’ve ‘ad four more of them invoices for our Corn Flakes. Here’s a chit for Rice Krispies and according to these we're well behind on our Coco Pops payments.

Sarge: You don’t mean…

DS: Yes, lads it looks as though we’ve got a Cereal Biller on our hands!

Cons: Anyway, Super, there’s someone waitin’ outside I think you might want to have a word with.

DS: Who’s that then?

Cons: Some kid, says she’s lost a bear.

DS: A bear, eh?

Cons: No, not a beret. A bear!

DS: Right, wheel ‘er in.

Cons: She’s walkin’, sir!

DS: WALK ‘ER IN THEN! GOOD GRIEF, DO I ‘AVE TO DO ALL THE SHOUTIN’ ROUND ‘ERE?

(Con beckons on Sam and DC who enter)

Sarge: Yeah, actually, it’s in your job description.

Cons: ‘Ere she is. Says ‘er name’s Sam. And this is ‘er mate the Poundstretcher.

Sarge: Costcutter?

DS: Manhunter?

DC: Dreamcatcher!

DS /Cons/Sarge : Whatever!

DS: (friendly) Sit down, young Sam. Take the weight off. We’re goin’ to ‘ave a little chinwag, you and I? Now tell us. (turns anglepoise on Sam – suddenly aggressive) Where is it?

Sam: What?

DS: The bear. Where’ve you stashed him?

Sam: I haven’t stashed him. He’s lost.  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 23 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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DS: (exchanging knowing looks with the other cops) Oh, lost is he? Come on girl, you can do better than that. Make it easy on yerself. Yer lookin’ at a two way stretch in porridge for this caper - so cough now and I’ll have a word in the beak’s shell-like.

Sam: What?

DS: Yer lookin’ at a two way stretch in porridge… oh don’t you start!

Sam: I’m just looking for Benny Bear!!! I thought you would help. You are the Police after all.

DS: (jumps backward in shock) ‘Oo told you that?

Sam: Well you are, aren’t you?

DS: (suddenly breaks down) She’s got us bang to rights lads. It’s all gone pear-shaped! She’s too good for us. I knew we’d have to put our hands up for this. We’re goin’ dahn!!!!

Sarge: Er… Super… there, there. It’ll all be all right. You’ll see! Here you are, ‘ave a cuppa Rosie

DS: (pulling himself together) Ta! White with 6 sugars? Sorry lads.. er hum (back to Sam)… so Police are we? Well that’s where you’re wrong, son. We’re the Dream Police!

Sam: The Dream Police?

DS: Yeah, so cut it out!

(Song intro begins)

Sarge: Cut it out!

Cons: Cut it out!

Sam: What?

DS: Cut it out.

Cons: Cut it out.

Sam: Cut it out?

All: Yeah!

Song The Police Stomp

(A Madness-style Ska number with the appropriate ‘nutty boy’ dance moves.)

DS: (over intro) Reinforcements!

(Enter more mini-police with plastic helmets on)

All: Chorus We’re the Dream Policeman And we’re always on the go Greetin’ all and sundry with  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 24 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Hello, hello, hello

DS: I’m the Sup’rintendent and I’m lookin’ pretty grim NightMare’s done a runner and I’m right out on a limb I’m a two tone copper in a two tone hat Me Mum thinks I’m a genius but the lads think I’m a bit of a pr…

All: Chorus

Sarge: I’m the friendly Sergeant and you’ll find me firm but fair But don’t give me no lip, son, or you find me goin’ spare I’m a rock steady copper with a rock steady beat Dancin’ on the baddies with my plates of meat

All: Chorus

Cons: I’m a lowly Constable and thinkin’s very hard I’m in the squad for the Land of Nod and here’s my Warrant card I’m a heavy monster copper with a heavy monster sound Two steps forward one step back and one step beyond…

All: Chorus

(Instrumental break)

All: So if you’re stuck in Dreamland and your bear is in a fix We’ll track down the offender and we’ll have him in the nick We’re the nutty boy coppers and we shuffle off our feet Runnin’ to the rescue with a cuppa Rosie Lee

(Song ends)

All: Fantastic!!!

(Chorus exit)

Sam: Alright, so you’re the Dream Police. But can you help me find my bear?

Sarge: Brown bear was it?

Sam: Yes

Sarge: Sort of shifty looking?

Sam: No, not really. (Sarge looks disappointed)

Cons: Sarge, (consults notebook) I was proceeding in a Northerly direction through the Frozen Forest when I observed a non-shifty-lookin’ ursine creature I know believe to be one ‘Benny the Bear’ seemingly fleeing the scene of a crime?

DS: What crime?

Cons: Er….dunno! (pause – they all look suspiciously at him) All right, he was just running fast. Escaping.

Sam: (worried) Escaping?  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 25 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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DC: What from?

Cons: (another embarrassed pause – he clearly likes making things up for effect) I didn’t see. But I heard….

All: Heard….??

Cons: Sounds. Terrible sounds...nightmare sounds…

(They all freeze. Dan dan dah!!!!)

DS: (oblivious) Who’s for a cuppa Rosie then?

Cons: Go on then

DS: White, ten sugars.

(They make to go in a line.)

Sam: Wait a minute! (Police crash into each other) Aren’t you going to help?

DS: (thinks) Eventually, probably yes. For now….well, it’s our tea break! You know where to look. Don’t worry, the long arm of the law will protect you. And you’ve got ‘er

Sam: Who?

DS: ‘er. The Brainteaser.

Sarge: Mindreader.

Cons: Armtwister.

DC: Dreamcatcher!

Sarge/Cons/DS: Whatever!

(They leave)

Sam: Oh dear!

DC: Don’t worry. They’re always a bit like this. They’ve told you where to look. And it’s your dream so if you really wanted them to help you, they would.

Sam: Well, it’s nice to know they’re around. But the Frozen Forest?

DC: Yes.

Sam: Where’s that?

DC: Where do you think it is? (preparing to drop a feather)

Sam: It doesn’t sound very nice…. (Sam catches the feather and they are transported)

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 26 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT ONE Scene 4 Frozen Forest

(It is cold and stark. Wind moans. Trees are children in black, white and grey clothes and make-up. Four other children in modern school dress stand unmoving in the Forest.)

Sam: I don’t think I like this very much.

DC: You dreamt it up!

Sam: It’s very cold.

DC: Er… well it is a Frozen Forest…

Sam: Hmmnn. I guess so. I wonder where Benny is.

DC: Why not ask them?

Sam: Who are they?

DC: You’ll see! But remember, Sam, appearances can…

Sam: … be deceptive. I know. (goes to the four children) Hello…

(The characters ‘come to life’ as they speak. There should be an air of real predatory menace.)

Linda: Hello! We haven’t seen you here before. Are you new?

Sam: Sort of…I’m Sam.

Linda: I’m Linda, this is Sarah, Eddie and Paul.

Paul: So Sam, what are you doing here? By yourself?? Out in the big, dark, frozen forest. Miles away from anywhere…and anyone?

Sam: I’m looking for Benny Bear. I left him on a plane but I think he might be here in my dream somewhere. Maybe you could help.

Eddie: Help? Well maybe we could… in fact I’m sure we saw a bear around here a while back. Didn’t we Paul?

Paul: Oh yes, Eddie! Thank you for reminding me. A bear! That’s right. We definitely saw a bear. Nice one too!

Sam: Where was he? Where did he go?

Linda: Oh Sam, all these questions. But to be honest, we’ve all kind of… forgotten.

Sarah: Maybe we need something to help us remember. I’m sure you’d want us to remember, wouldn’t you, Sam?

Sam: What do you mean?

Sarah: Well, to put it another way, what’s it worth?

Sam: Worth?  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 27 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Linda: How much have you got? Money, duh-brain! Got any for your lunch?

Eddie: Or your bus fare?

Sam: Of course not, I’m in my pyjamas! And I wouldn’t give it to you even if I had any.

Sarah: Oh wouldn’t you? I’m sure we might be able to persuade you…

Peter: Wait up, Sarah! (to Sam) Look, runt. We’re cold, hungry and tired. It’s your fault we’re here in the Frozen Forest instead of tucked up warm in bed. You dreamed us up. So we reckon you owe us.

All: Big time!

Linda: Who’s that idiot in the stupid outfit?

Sam: That’s my friend, the Dreamcatcher.

Eddie: You’re having a laugh! Dreamcatcher? Loonycatcher’s what she needs!

Linda: How many birds did you have to pluck to get that stupid outfit together, dingbat? And you! (back to Sam) What’s all this ‘I want my Benny Bear’ whining about? The bear’s gone, thicko, GONE! Probably got sold on to some equally useless brat.

Eddie: Or eaten by Bed Bugs!

Paul: Hey, Sam. That looks like a nice warm dressing gown. Tell you what. Give it to me and I might be able to help you with that bear.

Sam: Do you know something? Please tell me. Please.

Linda: (whining) “Please tell me. Please.” Did you hear a dog whining, guys? Listen. Paul told you or maybe you are too stupid to understand. You give us the dressing gown. We give you the information. Got it?

Sam: No. I won’t. This was a present from my Granny for Christmas. And if I gave it to you I’d be cold then, wouldn’t I?

Paul: Oh, dear! Did I hear her right, Lucy? Did she just say no to us? We can’t be having that. Little squirts like her telling us ‘no’.

Eddie: Who does she think she is?

Sarah: Paul said he wanted the dressing gown. Are you going to give it to him, or are we going to have to take it?

Sam: Stay away from me!

Sarah: Or what, exactly? Looks like your bird mate’s gone chicken. So you’re all by yourself, Sam. Now give us the dressing gown! (they grab her and there is a brief struggle)

Sam: Get off me! Why can’t you just be nice? And I’m not by myself – there’re lots of people who would help me.

Linda: Oh yeah?

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 28 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Sam: Yeah! The Police, the Dreamcatcher, the DreamTicketMaster. Lots of people who like me who would help me.

Sarah: What do you mean, like you?

Sam: I know they’d help me if I asked them to. Not like you lot. All you want to do is hurt people. I bet you haven’t got any friends at all, anywhere!

Linda: Yes we have. Well, I think we have.

Eddie: Lots of people like us.

Sam: No they don’t! They’re just scared of you. They pretend to like you so you won’t hurt them, that’s all. But if you really needed them I bet they wouldn’t be there.

Paul: And I suppose you’re little Miss Popular, huh?

Sam: No, I’m not. But at least I don’t go round frightening people just because I’m lonely…

(She begins to choke up. There is a pause. Paul’s expression and demeanour softens noticeably. He suddenly looks uneasy.)

Linda: Ahh! Is the ‘ickle girlie going to cry? There, there!

Sarah: Thinks she’s hard but now look at her. Pathetic!

Linda: Let’s do her!

Paul: (to Linda) Hold up! (to Sam) Hey, er, look, forget the dressing gown, eh?

Sarah: But you said we should…

Paul: Shut it, Sarah!

Linda: Oh, come on, Paul. She’s just snivelling to get out of…

Paul: Leave it, Linda. (to Sam) Look, I’m sorry, right?

Sam: What?

Paul: I’m sorry, OK? It’s just that, well, that’s the way it was with me, you know?

Sam: Was it?

Paul: Yeah. Got a bit tough for me for a while. I thought it was best to be hard myself.

Sarah: (amazed) You wimp!

Paul: (now with real and growing authority) No, not a wimp, Sarah.

Sarah: (goes for Sam) Then I’ll have the dressing gown…

Paul: (steps between them) Don’t even think about it.

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 29 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Sarah: (looks around at the others who make no move to help her) I don’t believe it! What’s got into you. You’re pathetic you lot! (she leaves)

Linda: (confused) So you reckon we should help her, do you?

Paul: Sam seems alright. Stuck up for herself, didn’t she? I think she deserves a break.

Eddie: Er, me too. Yeah! Don’t worry, Sam, we won’t hurt you, will we Paul?

Paul: Linda?

Linda: (reluctantly) I dunno. Yeah, maybe. Maybe she needs a bit of help, you know?

Paul: Tell her then.

Linda: Well, I saw a bear come running through here a while back. He looked a bit scared. Looked like he was being chased.

Sam: Chased by what?

Linda: I, I don’t know. We didn’t see…

Eddie: But we heard, didn’t we Paul?

Sam: Heard what?

Eddie: Sounds…

Linda: Nightmare sounds…

(Brief spooky music)

Sam: Did you help him? (They look down guiltily) You didn’t, did you?

Eddie: He didn’t half look funny running along on his little legs…. (He demonstrates. Paul shoots him a very hard stare) … er, sorry!

Paul: No we didn’t. We should have. But we didn’t. Sorry, Sam.

Linda: Yeah, sorry. Listen – he went that way. And it wasn’t long ago so you may be able to catch him up. And if we see him again…

Paul: Look, we’d best let you get after him. Er, good luck (as they are leaving) and Sam… look out for the trees.

Sam: What do you mean….? (but they have gone)

DC: Well done!

Sam: They were just like the bullies at my new school. Fat lot of help you were!

DC: Didn’t need me, did you? You dealt with them really well. A good effort for your first time in Dreamland I thought!

(The trees begin to whisper)  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 30 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Sam: Poor Benny. If he’s been here he must be scared and cold. We’d better get after him…What did Paul mean “Look out for the trees…?”

DC: Sssshhhhhh! Listen! Do you hear anything?

(Whispering grows louder.)

Sam: No. Come on, we must…

DC: LISTEN!!!!

(The trees sound terribly, terribly sad, cold and lonely.)

Sam: It’s the trees. It’s like they’re talking but maybe it’s just the wind.

DC: I don’t think it’s the wind…

Song Coldwood, Darkwood

(A gothic style song – the words are echoed.)

Trees: (singing) Cold cold creeping over Ground, ground crawling over Stone stone lying in the snow. Grey, grey, everything is Pale, pale fading faster Dark, dark everywhere you go

Hold hold never leave us Close close stretching out to Claw claw deep into your skin Bind bind holding tighter Twine twine curling weaving Breathe breathe air is growing thin

Melt melt fall into our Limbs limbs merge into our Bark bark never let you go Fall fall ever deeper Fade fade little sleeper Feint faint last that you will know

One one we are joined as… Us us ever to be… Bound bound fast inside the wood Dark dark, getting ever… Dark dark, light begins to… Dark dark night begins to fall…

(During the song the trees move very slowly/imperceptibly closer to Sam/DC until they are surrounded. The trees begin to twine around them. The music continues over the next section.)

Sam: What’s happening?!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 31 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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DC: I don’t know, it’s your dream, what do you want to happen!

Sam: I think they’re trying to crush us!

DC: That’s your first impression, but think again BUT QUICKLY ! What do you want them to be doing?

Sam: I don’t know… I can’t think.

DC: It’s your dream Sam, think of something

Sam: I’m trying, I’m trying. Wait a minute…

DC: Come on, Sam!

Sam: Yes! I’ve got it. They want to be warm and to keep us warm. They’re trying to protect us.

DC: Good, good! Keep going.

Sam: It’s too cold for them here. Maybe if they get some warmth they can grow again.

DC: Brilliant!

(The trees are carrying roles of green crepe paper in their hands which they let drop as they burst into leaf. Lights change to warm. The wind stops moaning. The trees relax their grip. The music ends.)

Sam: Phew! I think I’m beginning to get the hang of this dreaming thing.

DC: Just keep remembering, appearances can be deceptive. And nothing is impossible.

Sam: The trees seem to be changing…

(The trees all move their limbs to point in one direction. They whisper “go, bear, run, help”)

Sam: Thank you! Let’s go!

DC: I’m right with you

Sam: Wait a minute, what’s that?

DC: What?

Sam: That…

DC: Behind the trees! Quickly!

(Trees move to protect them as Bed Bugs march through.)

Sam: (whispers to DC) What on Earth are these?

DC: Must be something else in your thoughts. Anything else you are worried about?

Drill: Bed Bugs Squad, halt!

Sam: Oh no! Bed Bugs? Yeuch! Mummy always says ‘Hope the Bed Bugs don’t bite before I go to sleep. I wish she wouldn’t.  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 32 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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DC: That’ll be it then. Bed Bugs. Shhh now, let’s see what they’re up to! (they hide)

Colonel: No sign of Benny Bear yet. Or the girl. But we can’t be far behind.

Drill: No, Sir! But don’t worry, we’ll find the bear sir. And who knows what terrible fate Benny has in store…

Sam: (loudly) Oh no!

DC: Shh!

Drill: What was that?

Squad: Where? (all look around in different and pointless directions)

Drill: Something went shh!

Colonel: Shh?

Drill: Shh!

Colonel: Oh shh!

Drill:: Yes, shh!

Colonel: Shhh!

Drill: Yes, that’s right! Shh!

Colonel: NO SHHH! You SHHH!

Drill: Oh, you shh. I mean me shh! Yeshh shhir. I mean, yes sir. Sorry, Sir…

Colonel: Let’s double time for a while. Time is pressing and we don’t want to let NightMare down.

Drill: No Sir. (to Squad) We don’t want to let NightMare down do we Bugs?

Squad: Sir, no Sir!

Drill: Failure is not an option, is it Bugs?

Squad: Sir, no Sir!

Drill: So we’re going to find Benny Bear, aren’t we, Bugs?

Squad: Sir, no Sir!

Drill: That’s right, we’re… Hang on, you didn’t say “Sir, yes Sir”, did you?

Squad: Sir no Sir!

Drill: So you didn’t say yes, you said no?

Squad: Sir, yes Sir!  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 33 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Drill: So when you said no you meant yes.

Squad: Sir, we’re confused Sir

Drill: (to Colonel) Sir, Squad confused, Sir! And so am I, Sir!

Colonel: Good grief! Let’s go, Drill Sergeant.

Drill: Yessir! Squad, by the right, double time!

(DC and Sam come out from their hiding place.)

Sam: Thanks, trees! Those Bed Bugs didn’t look very nice. And they’re after Benny. What are we going to do.

DC: Don’t worry. We’ll find a way past them. Remember we’ve got these (holds out feathers)

(Sam shivers)

DC: Are you still cold?

Sam: Sort of. It’s just I felt like… something horrible was about to happen.

DC: Maybe you need something to warm you up?

Sam: Yes ..but how…., oh, I remember. (to audience) Do you want to help me call the DreamTicketmaster? 1,2,3 - BING BONG!

(Martha enters wheeling a drinks trolley or an airline trolley if you can get one!)

Martha: How may I be of assistance? Coffee, Tea, Milk, assorted carbonated beverages?

Sam: Tea please.

Martha: Biscuit? (Holds one up)

Sam: No thanks.

Martha: Aubergine? (Holds one up)

Sam: No thanks.

Martha:: Decorative pot plant? (Holds one up)

Sam: Er… no thanks. (Martha looks disappointed)

Martha: And you, madam?

DC: Nothing thanks.

Martha: You sure I can’t tempt you to an aubergine? (Holds one up)

DC: Definitely not.

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 34 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Martha: (sharply) Very well. One tea, no biscuit, no aubergine, no decorative pot plant.

Sam: (takes the drink) Thank you.

Martha: (professionalism restored) Are you enjoying your trip?

Sam: In a way…

Martha: Excellent. I should warn you though that we are about to enter a period of turbulence so you should make sure your dressing gown is securely fastened. Don’t hesitate to call me again if you need me and you have a nice day now! (She leaves wheeling her trolley.)

Sam: Turbulence? I don’t like the sound of that.

(Trees are backing away and wilting)

Sam: What’s the matter with them?

DC: I don’t know.

Sam: It’s getting really cold again.

DC: Sam! Quick. Get ready to go!

Sam: Why? What is it?

DC: Hold out your hand. Do it now!

Sam: But…

DC: Just do it… oh no! We’re too late…

(A crashing distorted guitar chord with tremolo. It’s NightMare. She is surrounded by rock chicks with attitude. Each is different reflecting their character (e.g. sadness with really smudged Kohl liner, Anger in red, Fear very white face).

NightMare: Look what the Bed Bugs left behind! And just where do you think you’re going, child?

DC: Oh dear… let’s go…

(They make to leave but are prevented by the Chicks.)

Sam: (to DC) Who are they?

Loneliness: Who are we? I’m your loneliness…

Fear: I’m your fear…

Anger: I’m your anger…

Sadness: I’m your sadness…

NightMare: And I’m your worst dream, baby! I’m everything you’ve ever feared all rolled into one.

Fear: I’m the monster…  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 35 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Martha: I’m the solitude…

Anger: I’m the rage…

Sadness: I’m the tears…

Fear: The Vampire…

Loneliness: No friends…

Anger: How dare you…

Sadness: Daddy…

NightMare: All of this and more child…

Fear: The horror…

Loneliness: The ache…

Anger: The hurt…

Sadness: The desolation…

Fear: You will fear, child…

Loneliness: You will drift, child…

Anger: You will scream, child…

Sadness: You will cry, child…

All: And she’s the NightMare that will make it all come true.

Fear: All…

Loneliness: of…

Anger: us…

Sadness: rolled…

NightMare: …into one!

Sam: Dreamcatcher, what do I do?

DC: Try and remember what I’ve told you… I don’t feel so good…

NightMare: She’s of no help to you now, sweetie. (Dreamcatcher starts to collapse) You’re in my domain. Coz when good dreams stop, the NightMare begins.

DC: Sam…. (she collapses)

Sam: Dreamcatcher!!!  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 36 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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DC: Remember, Sam… (she passes out)

Sam: No!

Sadness: Oh yes!

Loneliness: Oh yes!

Fear: Oh yes!

Anger: Playtime, Sam

All: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the playground!

NightMare: Shall we show her girls?

Song: The NightMare Scenario

(Very heavy rock sung by NightMare and the Bad Dreams. During the song the chicks generally torment Sam.)

NightMare: Some call me the Bogeyman (Who’s that man?) Hiding underneath your bed (so shy!) They don’t know he’s a pussycat (miaow) It’s me who gets inside your head So don’t go lookin’ for the Sandman (sad man) You can bet he’ll come a-lookin for you! (yoo hoo!) And don’t believe in the Snowman (I’m walking in the air) He’ll be talking in despair when I’m through Coz when you’re feelin’ down and its getting late Head touches pillow and opens the gate for the…

Chorus

…. NightMare I’m your baddest dream I’m the darkness in your night Yeah, the NightMare And you’re gonna scream When I’m showing you that every thing you ever feared is starting to bite… (It’s the nightmare scenario a woo hoo)

Say goodbye to the daylight And welcome in the Princess of Night I’ll make you wish it was dawning Coz by then you’ll be dying of fright So hunker down in your bunk bed (night night) Pull the sheets over your head (I’m so scared) Coz by the time it’s the morning (boo hiss) Your going to think your teddy is dead (bye bye) Now I know your searching for your favourite toy But give it up and live it up and sample the joy of the…

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 37 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Chorus

Coz you can’t stop me when the night comes in And when your playing my game you won’t ever win, what a …

Chorus

(Welcome to the Nightmare Sceario a woo hoo! Your living in the nightmare scenario a woo hoo!)

Fear: Poor child…

Loneliness: Tasty child…

Anger: Juicy child…

Sadness: Fleshy child…

NightMare: Lunchtime! Let’s start with her friend.

(They descend on the Dreamcatcher like hyenas whilst Sam is held back. She struggles. NightMare laughs. Sam manages to break free. She evades recapture and picks up one of the Dreamcatcher’s feathers. She holds it up like a cross to a vampire.)

Sam: GET BACK!

(Chicks shrink back vampire-like, hissing.)

NightMare: (stops laughing) Hey, guys, what’s the problem? Let’s bring it on! (She moves forward)

Sam: GET BACK I SAID! This is a powerful weapon. (Sam continues to wave the feather and Dreamcatcher starts to revive.)

NightMare: (uncertainly) Who are you trying to kid, kid?

Sam: This is the mighty feather of er… the mighty feather of St. Corbyn* (*substitute appropriate name) and will banish you from whence you came.

NightMare: The mighty feather of St. Corbyn?? Ha! Don’t be a fool…

Sam: This is my dream. I am in control! I send you back to where you came from!

(Chicks are writhing in agony and crawling pathetically away.)

NightMare: Back on your feet you cowards. (but she too begins to fear the feather) Put it down, kid. Don’t do anything stupid now. Let’s take this nice and easy.

Sam: GO!

DC: Good girl, Sam, keep it up!

NightMare: No! No!

Sam: Begone!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 38 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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NightMare: (can’t move forward and is being dragged back by an unseen force) Child. You win this time. But you haven’t seen the last me. Not by any stretch of your pathetic imagination. We’ll meet again. And when we do, I will be stronger. And you will suffer. You will scream, Sam. YOU WILL SCREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm……. (Disappears with another huge guitar chord.)

DC: Good work! How cool was that? The mighty feather of St.Corbyn? Haha! I thought I’d heard everything! Whereon earth did you….

Sam: Are you all right now?

DC: Much better. Thanks. That NightMare just seemed to drain all my energy.

Sam: Well, she’s gone.

DC: For now…

Sam: But we’re no nearer to finding Benny.

DC: Oh, I think we’re making splendid progress… and Benny seems to have escaped from NightMare too. Let’s go.

Sam: Right. Er…that way?

DC: Whatever you say, Sam, whatever you say…

(The Dream Police rush on.)

DS: Stop right there, NightMare, the game’s up… Oh! (Looks around) Where’d she go?

Sam: Who? NightMare? She went thatta way!

DS: Missed her by a whisker! Drat! (to Sam) You! Hold it right there!

Sam: (to Dreamcatcher) Come on, before they start on me again!

(DC drops the feather and they leave with a brief transportation sequence. The police look around in confusion after the sequence.)

DS: How did she do that…?

Cons: Quite impressive wasn’t it?

Sarge: ‘Ang on a sec, Super. If this kid is after Benny Bear…

DS: Yeah…

Sarge: And NightMare is after Benny Bear AND this kid…

DS: Go on…

Sarge: Then ain’t it illogical that if we follow the kid, eventually…

DS: NightMare will come to us? I’m brilliant! Why didn’t you think of that! I guess that’s why I’m the Super round here.  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 39 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Sarge: (sighs) Yes, Sir.

Cons: Given me a right thirst that has. Cuppa Rosie anyone?

DS: White with 9 sugars.

Sarge: Right you are.(to the audience) what about you lot then? (starts to take orders)

DS: No! Hang on a minute, they’ve got plates of meat, ‘aven’t they.(to audience) Go on! Do one! Clear off and get yer own. Back here in 20 minutes.

Cons: Should we synchronise watches with them?

DS: What, with 250* people? Don’t be stupid! (to audience) Go on then. See ya later. And keep your eyes out for that bear!

(* substitute rough audience numbers)

(While he is saying this the bear is put on a plinth centre stage behind him unseen. As they move off the lights go down to a single spot on the bear. From the shadows, a Pirate figure appears - it’s the Pirate Captain we will meet in Act Two - and is about to grab Benny when…)

(Blackout.)

(Reprise of Police number.)

End of Act One

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 40 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT TWO Scene 1 … and we’re back

(Dream Police should move people back into the auditorium in character. Perhaps a megaphone? Bit of banter in character if possible. Perhaps centred around the quality of the tea. Perhaps Martha is dispensing tea to them from the trolley. As the audience settle…)

DS: Shut it! Shut it! Settle down! Right! Sarge, where were we?

Sarge: Just to recap, we’re looking for this bear (holds a ‘Have You Seen This Bear?’ poster up) AKA Benny. Not believed to be armed or dangerous.

Cons: Just cute and cuddly, Sarge.

Sarge : Cute and cuddly, yes!

DS: But we believe he may have been bear-knapped by the terrible…

DS/ Cons/ Sarge: NightMare!

Cons: Little Sam and her friend the Plothatcher

Sarge: Crimestopper!

DS: Nutcracker!

DC: (off) Dreamcatcher!!!!

DS / Sarge / Cons: Whatever!

Cons: …have already survived many strange adventures on their request to retrieve Benny Bear but as yet have failed to locate him.

Sarge: We believe that the aforesaid villain will at some stage attempt to waylay Sam, and so our cunning plan is to commence covert surveillance which will no doubt afford us opportunities for comedic interludes and interventions and may eventually lead us too…

DS/ Sarge/Cons: NightMare!

Sarge: Someone’s coming! Quick, HIDE!!!

(They do – in a very pathetic and obvious way as Sam and DC enter. Sam is looking glum.)

Sam: Oh Dreamcatcher, will we ever find Benny?

DC: If you believe we can, we will.

Sam: I don’t know where I’d be without you, Dreamcatcher.

Song: The Webs We Weave

(sings) In my dreams I’m not alone You are always at my shoulder Showing me

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 41 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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The way to go When the night gets dark and colder

But I know that this dream is mine And you can only guide me Though it’s sometimes hard to choose I trust the truth inside

Because I’m dreaming I’m floating to a magic place I’m riding sunbeams and moonbeams in outer space But all the while I know tomorrow’s coming And the dawn will bring me down So I know I can’t believe In the webs we weave

DC: Through my web You’ll weave your way Lit by scintillating starlight It’s up to you Which strand you choose And how the story ends at daylight

You can let your dreams run wild Your fantasy’s your freedom Don’t be scared of anything You’ll always be with me

Because you’re dreaming You’re floating to a magic place You’re riding sunbeams, and moonbeams in outer space And all the while I am right beside you Till the sunlight breaks my spell I make it easy to believe In the webs we weave

Sam: And when the nightmare comes to call

DC: I’ll be standing there beside you

Both: Showing me/you which step to tread on Till morning is dawning and I’m/ you’re home

Because we’re dreaming We’re floating to a magic place We’re riding sunbeams, and moonbeams in outer space And all the while DC: I am right beside you Sam: And my dreams can all come true Both: And at last we can believe In the webs we weave

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 42 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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(This song can be sung by lots of ‘Sams’ in dressing gowns with their own personal Dreamcatchers. As the song finishes, Sam and the Dreamcatcher hug. DS is in floods of sentimental tears being comforted by Cons and Sarge whilst still trying to hide. Sam notices them)

Sam: Why are the Police hiding back there? Why don’t they join us?

DC: I think they just feel more important playing undercover cops. At least we know they’re there if we need them.

Sam: So, we seem to have the Police on our side, we’ve helped the trees, we’ve beaten NightMare…

DC: Don’t be too sure, Sam. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of her, or the Bed Bugs. Don’t let your guard drop for a minute.

Sam: Alright, alright. I still think we ought to get some more help to find Benny. The policeman spotted him and NightMare came close but apart from that…

DC: But at least we’re on his trail. We’re in the middle of your dream now, so things may start to get a little weird. . Come on, time is running short.

Sam: Where to?

DC: Who knows…. (she drops a feather and the transportation sequence happens)…

(Dream Police come out of hiding)

Sarge: Why can’t we have an exit sequence like that?

DS: (pulling himself together) Sorry lads, I’m a sucker for a ballad. And there was a key change too! (bursts into tears again)

Cons: Don’t worry, Super. Let’s get after them before they get too far ahead.

DS: Good thinking. Let’s go, lads.

Sarge: But can’t we have a good exit like Sam?

DS: What do you suggest?

Cons: How about (whispers to them)

DS/Sarge: Of course!

All: Nee naw nee naw!!! (all run off)

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 43 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT TWO Scene 2 the surreal deal

(A sofa, arranged on it are Tina and Lena, over made-up cheesy daytime TV presenters. Brief theme music.)

Tina: And we’re back with Daytime TV Live with me Tina

Lena: And me, Lena

Tina: Fantastic. It’s five past something, and time for the weather with Gina, the breakfast time roller weather girl.

Gina: (under an umbrella and on skates) Well, the top bit is going to be windy, and the sticky out bit is going to have snow. Or Sun. Maybe both. The middle bit won’t have any weather at all and the bottom bit can expect sandstorms. Here at the roller weather centre it’s raining. A lot. And it’s very cold. Can I come in now? Please? (she hurtles off)

Lena: Fantastic, Gina. Thanks. And we’ll be back with Gina later for another in depth weather analysis.

Tina: Fantastic!

Lena: Coming up, Bed Bugs. Love ’em or hate ’em, you can’t get rid of ‘em. We talk to the Secretary General of the World Health Organisation.

Tina: And fantastic fashion tips on how to stay warm in that Frozen Forest. But first, a Daytime Live exclusive as we welcome to the studio that fantastic band that everyone is talking about…

Lena: The fantastic Little Mixed SugarSpice (or substitute for another teeny-sounding band name. The band run on)

Sam: (to DC) Hey! They’re my favourite band. They’re really cool!

DC: Oh no! Let’s hope they don’t sing!

Sam: (hits DC playfully) Be quiet you – that sounded like my Dad!

Tina: Welcome! Fantastic to see you here.

Lena: Yeah, fantastic!

Ronnii: We’re just pleased to be here!

Janny: Speak for yourself. Hardly up market is it?

Tammii: Like how cool is this. Me, Tammii, on Daytime TV Live with Tina and Lena.

Pammii: Yeah, you’ll have the viewers switching off in droves.

Tammii: Just coz I’m on the cover of HotHits this week.

Pammii: Makes a change from the cover of ‘Dogs Monthly!’

(They fight briefly.)

Ronnii: Cool it, girls!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 44 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Tina: Er…fantastic!

Lena: Fantastic!

Lena: Tammii, when did you first want to be in a band.

Tammii: Ooooh, all through my childhood I like SOOOOO wanted to, like, sing. It used to drive my parents totally mad! I’d go, like “Wooooo” and they’d be like, “Uh, shut up” and I’d be like “Woohooo” and they’d be so not interested, well you know. Then they chilled and found me this really cool theatre school, and I’m like “Wow cool” and they, like, left me there for the next 7 years. I never did see them again…

Pammii: I think they had the right idea…

Tammii: Like who’s listening to you. (coughs but sounds like ‘No friends’)

Pammii: Don’t cough too much or your zit concealer will fall off.

Ronnii: I said, cool it you two.

Tina: Er, yeah, Fantastic! Pammii- sometimes people call you ‘The Fragrant Pammii’ – why is that?

Tammii: Because she smells.

(Pammii hits Tammii who starts to whimper)

Pammii: Sorry about that, Tina. I guess people think I bring an air of sophistication to the band. A certain ‘je ne sais quoi’, n’est-ce pas? (pronounced terribly badly)

Tina: Oh…. Er ….oui, er… Fantastique! Jannii, do you think your reputation for being arrogant and difficult is deserved?

Jannii: Who said I was arrogant and difficult. Who said that? I’ll sue! Was it that worthless make-up girl you inflicted on me this morning? Just because I suggested to the Producer that he could save a few quid by firing her. Anyway, how much am I getting paid to put up with your stupid questions?

Lena: That’ll be a yes then….Fantastic! And finally Ronnii, you’ve been called the leader of the Band, the big cheese, the numero uno, the boss, head honcho, top banana, Ms. Big. Isn’t that rather too long a nickname?

Ronnii: Ye…

Lena: Well, I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got time for…

Ronnii: Sorry Lena… if I may? Yes people do see me as the leader but I prefer to think of it more as a kind of a supportive ‘come on girls, lets make it happen’ kind of person. A friend to laugh with, a shoulder to cry on, someone to turn to when times get tough…I remember my dear old Gran in Bournemouth used to say to me..

(The rest of the band are making finger down the throat gestures)

Well if that’s your attitude, I won’t tell you. You can jolly well look after yourselves.

(The band look at each other – this obviously happens all the time)

Band: (together and singsong) Sorry, Ronnii!  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 45 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Ronnii: Humph, well all right then. Anyway, my Granny used to say…

Lena: Sorry Ronnii we really do have to leave it there except for one last, very important question. And it’s the question on everyone’s lips this morning…have any of you seen Benny the Bear?

Ronnii: Seen him? No! But he does get a name check in the words of our new single!

Lena: Does he? Fantastic!

Tina: But Lena…

Lena: Yes Tina

Tina: Haven’t you noticed something?

Lena: What’s that, Tina?

Tina: There are only 4 of them. There are meant to be 5. I believe you have a fantastic exclusive Daytime TV Live announcement to make, girls

Ronnii: Yeah we have. As you know Dannii’s gone solo. (through gritted teeth) And we all wish her the very best of luck. Good luck, Dannii!

Tammii: Yeah, good luck, Dannii, you two-timing, no good, talentless little b…

Tina: (very quickly) Brilliant! Yes, thanks, Tammii

Lena: Fantastic!

Ronnii: So we’d like to announce…

Tina: Exclusively…

Ronnii: Our new band member. Give it up for Sammii!!!

Sam: What????? Me?

Pammii: Come on, Sammii!

Sam: Well, er… all right then…

DC: Sam, what about Benny?

Sam: I know, but I’ve always wanted to be a pop star. This might be my only chance. (she joins them ‘on set’)

Tina: Welcome Sam. How fantastic this must be for you.

Sam: Yes, Tina – it’s a dream come true!

Tina: Fantastic!

Lena: Well, viewers, in another fantastic daytime live exclusive, the band are going to sing their fantastic new single for us now…  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 46 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Tina: But as they’re getting ready, just time to get a weather update from Gina…

Gina: (goes wheeling across the stage) Wheeeee! It’s still raining here and snowing on the sticky out bit and I can’t seem to stop…(she exits off the other side and there is an horrendous and prolonged crash) Ow! Back to you, Tina.

Tina: Fantastic! Now remember viewers, lines are still open on our fantastic competition to win a holiday for two in Luton (* or any unglamorous local place). All you have to do is answer the following question, “Where is Benny the Bear?” Is he a) held captive by the evil NightMare, or b) in the clutches a band of desperate pirates. (Sam clocks this and mouths ‘Pirates?’ to DC)

Lena: And as the band say, there’s a big clue in the words of their fantastic song so listen carefully before texting answer ‘B’ to our hotline number.

(Sam registers this with Dreamcatcher )

Tina: So with the time at three minutes after the last time check we gave you, we present

Lena: Exclusively

Tina: The fantastic, Little Mixed SugarSpice!!!

Sam: Hit it girls!

Song I Feel Surreal

(70’s disco number. The rest of the cast can become an audience to create a Top of the Pops style atmosphere carrying surreal objects. Tina and Lena dance somewhat self-consciously or just sit tapping their toes. Band members take turns with the verses. DC eventually gets dragged into the dance. Sam becomes increasingly worried about Benny during the song.)

When I met you on Monday Things we’re very normal and cool By the time it was Sunday I just felt like a fool

Now my house is a shoebox My bicycle is made out of bread And though my Mum is a hamster I can’t get you out of my head

Coz Magritte c’est chic De Chirico is loco And Dada is the Daddy for me Masson’s in fashion And Miro’s my hero And Dali is all I can see…

I feel surreal (Catherine Wheel) I feel surreal (Melting Seal) You make me surreal

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 47 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Your love is turning me purple I’m wearing a fish on my belt My telephone is a lobster And my wall clock is starting to melt

I know that you’ll never leave me Even though I’ve grown extra feet Coz I’m in love with your big blue ears And your rock face is rather neat

Magritte c’est chic De Chirico is loco And Dada is the Daddy for me Masson’s in fashion And Miro’s my hero And Dali is all I can see…

I feel surreal (Conger eel) I feel surreal (Andrew Neill) You make me surreal

So search for what you want and if it isn’t there Go and see the Pirates and meet Benny the Bear (Go and see the Pirates and meet Benny the Bear)

I feel surreal (Ian Beal) I feel surreal (Orange peel) I feel surreal You make me surreal

(The backing vocals in brackets can be anything ridiculous that rhymes. Once the clue is revealed in the song Sam tries everything she can to ‘pull the chain’ but is unintentionally prevented by the rest of the band members. The song ends but in increasingly surreal chaos and anarchy. Sam eventually manages to pull the chain and the band and audience are flushed away.)

Sam: At last! Being a pop star isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But at least I lasted longer than Kim Kardashian* ( or substitute another one hit wonder) It was fun but Benny’s more important. Let’s do what the song said and get after the Pirates!

DC: What pirates, Sam?

Sam: (thinks hard) Hmmnn..Just before we moved Dad was in a show about Pirates. Gilbert O’Sullivan or something. He used to take me to their rehearsals. It was a terrible show. They were the most unfrightening pirates I’ve ever seen but Dad was best! He still sings the songs round the house. When he’s home, that is. Which isn’t very much….

DC: You do miss your Dad, don’t you?

Sam: Mum says it’s because he’s started a new job that he’s got to work and travel so much. He goes away all the time. He always used to be such fun, too. Maybe he doesn’t like Mummy and me any more.

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 48 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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DC: Is that what you really think?

Sam: (sadly) I don’t know. Lots of kids at school have got Mums and Dads who aren’t together any more. Sometimes they never get to see their Dads. So I guess it’s not unusual.

DC: Come on you, chin up. Let’s go and see what the Pirates can tell us.

(Feather drops and they are transported to…)

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 49 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT TWO Scene 3 Pirate Island

(A crew of trainee pirates dressed in various pirate type gear - eyepatches, plastic swords, stripy shirts, cut off trousers etc The Captain is more like a theatre director than a Blackbeard type.)

All: Haha! Haha! (general pirate haha!s go on for some time).

Captain: OK, OK, hold it down! (They quieten.) Now that was better, but its still coming off the back of your throat, really isn’t it? That won’t do your voice good in the long term. Let’s try again. Prepare! Find your centre! And after three, 1,2,3….

All: (ad lib) Haha! Haha! Jim Lad! Doubloons, avast behind, etc.

Captain: And let’s finish with a good Pirate ‘hoorah’.

Pirates: (feebly) Hoorah!

Captain: Again and louder

Pirates: (still feeble) Hoorah!

Captain: Oh dear. Well, if that’s really the best you can do we’re in big trouble… (spots Sam and DC arriving) Oh, good. Thanks for turning up. Try and be punctual next time please. Rehearsals started 20 minutes ago.

Sam: Er.. sorry!

Captain: Never mind. You’re here now. Careful with that sword, Eugene! You could have someone’s eye out with that. Now, stretching! Here we go…Maestro please?

(Pianist plays ballet rehearsal type music.)

Captain: And up, 2, 3 higher, 2, 3, stretch those backs and…. Relax, 2, 3 (etc etc)

(Bed Bugs enter at a forced march doing their 1,2,3,4 bit. They stop briefly to laugh at the Pirate exercising and run off the other side.)

Sam: DC?

DC: Let them go. We need to find out what the Pirates know.

Captain: Just ignore them, guys, ignore them. Honestly, the rudeness of some people. OK everyone, we’re going to practice our battle song next, so positions everyone. (to Sam and DC) Er.. you two sit this one out and see if you can pick up the moves. Here we go 1,2,3,4…

(The next song starts as a reggae type feel, moves through a Gilbert and Sullivan ‘Modern Major General patter and ends up as a big kicking chorus line number. Throughout the Captain should offer criticism and encouragement.)

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 50 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Song Pirates On Parade

Captain: I am the Pirate Captain and I make a fearsome sight With a crack of the whip and a flash of the sword the ladies are a-fright I swing from spar to spar with a just dash of derring-do And now I sail the seven seas with my fierce and frightening crew

All: He swings from spar to spar with just a dash of derring-do. And now he sails the seven seas with his fierce and frightening crew. Yes now he sails the seven seas with his fierce and frightening crew

Mate: I am the bosun’s mate and I see to all the chores Like polishing up the handle on the big front door I leap into the fray with a stout and hearty cry But find it hard to focus with this patch across my eye

All: He leaps into the fray with a stout and hearty cry But finds it hard to focus with that patch across his eye Yes he finds it hard to focus with that patch across his eye

Tar: I am a simple seaman and my mission’s very plain To bolster up my bank account with much ill-gotten gain But when it comes to fighting or explosions fierce and loud I am afraid to say that I’m a lily-livered coward

All: But when it comes to fighting or explosions fierce and loud We’re afraid to say that he’s a lily-livered coward Yes, we’re all cringing, whining, blubbing, lily-livered cowards.

All: We are the trainee pirates and we practice day and night But despite the Captain’s efforts we can’t seem to get it right But one day we’ll be famous for our legendary deeds We’ll lord the Gulfs and Channels and we’ll rule the Seven Seas Yes, we’ll lord the Gulfs and Channels and we’ll rule the Seven Seas

Captain: (Gilbert and Sullivan ‘Modern Major General’ style) We’ll rule the … Gulfs of Aden, Guinea, Mexico and California The Skagerrak, the Dardanelles, the Straights of old Gibralti-ar, Bays of Biscay, Bengal, Baffin, Hudson, Prydz and Chesapeake, The Panama, Atlantic Ocean, Indian and Pacifique (Draws breath) Seas of Ross, Red, Dead, Black, Kara, Laptev and Arabian Arctic, Baltic, Berings, Barents and Mediterranean Tasman, Weddell, Greenland, Adriatic and Siberian Caribbean, Irish, North, South China and Norwegi-an

(Approval and admiration of pirates for getting through this.)

All: Caribbean, Irish, North, South China and Norwegian Sailing through the oceans in a manner quite Bohemian We’ll hoist the Jolly Roger and strike fear into the hearts of men We’ll rule the Dreamland oceans and we’ll never be afraid again We’ll rule the Dreamland oceans and we’ll never be afraid again Hoorah! (Song ends)  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 51 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Captain: Dreadful, truly dreadful. It needs a lot of work. Ok, take 5 everyone. BING BONG!

(Martha comes in wheeling the trolley and hands out squash. Captain sits down depressed. DC pushes Sam towards Captain. Tarquin gets there first.)

Sam: Captain, can I…

Tarq: Captain, please sir!

Captain: Tarquin, you wanted to share something.

Tarq: Yes Captain. I’m not being funny or anything but when…

Captain: Tarquin. You’re supposed to be a pirate? Hmmn? Now try again…

Tarq: Haha, Cap’n, sir…

Captain: Better…

Tarq: Cap’n sir, when be we goin’ to sail the seven seas and rule the Spanish Main. I be well hacked off with this ‘ere training lark, so I be!

Mark: Ar, me too, Sir! Me be finding this well tedious.

All: (General murmurs of agreement in polished tones)

Captain: People please!

All: (general murmurs but in Pirate tones)

Captain: More like it! Look folks. We aren’t good enough or, more importantly, brave enough to go public yet. As soon as we are I promise we’ll set sail but until then you are just going to have to be patient, OK?

(General grumbling)

Captain: OK??!!

All: Yes/I guess so… (they go back to their drinks)

Captain: Can I have a ‘hoorah?’

Pirates:(pathetically) Hoorah

Captain: Oh dear…

(Captain goes and sits by himself again. Sam approaches. The next section should be played as ‘straight’ as possible)

Sam: Captain?

Captain: (sharply) Yes? What? (Sam’s face falls) Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just so difficult at the moment. Here I am with a totally new crew who need lots of training... as you’ve just seen! I’m working every hour under the sun to get them ship-shape. But these things take time. It’s just awful. Now my last crew – there was a shipload to scare anyone. Quick, efficient, a great ‘hoorah’, and magnificently scary.  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 52 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Sam: What happened?

Captain: Big storm. Caught us by surprise. I did everything I could but… anyway… the ship sank. I managed to get everyone off safely but we couldn’t afford a new ship. So the crew all went their separate ways. Just one of those things I guess. This seemed like a good opportunity. New island, new ship, new crew. But it’s been much harder than I thought. So I never get home. Never see my family. And when I do get home my kid is cross at me. But how can I explain? And she’s so beautiful – just like her mother. I’ve got a picture. Here they are.

(He shows her a photo so audience can see. It is clearly a photo of Sam and her Mum. Sam is stunned. She drops the photo. DC picks it up and looks at it and holds it so the audience can see. DC puts her hand on Sam’s shoulder as a comfort.)

Sam: (holding back tears) Dad… er…Captain.

Captain: Yes? (he clearly does not recognise her in her’ dream state’)

Sam: If you don’t mind me saying... if I was your daughter, I think I’d be cross. But only because I didn’t understand. I think I’d want my Dad to explain to me. Then even if I didn’t understand everything, I would know that he really, really cared about Mummy and me. Then I could stop being cross, and just be sad with missing you... er…missing him so much.

Captain: Do you think she’d listen?

Sam: Yes, I know she would. What would you say to her?

Captain: I’d say to her that everything I’m doing is for her and her Mum. I’d tell her I love her and miss her every day and night. I’d tell her that in my dreams I pretend I’m talking to her. And I’d tell her that if ever she wants to talk to me or play with me, she only has to dream it and I will be there.

Sam: Anything else?

Captain: I’d tell her she’s still my baby.

Sam: I think she knows. I think she might just be thinking of herself a little too much. Maybe she’s just forgotten what a wonderful, hard-working and clever Daddy she’s got.

Captain: And I’d give her a big hug.

Sam: Like this? (she hugs him)

Captain: Just like that. Thank you. You seem to know so much for such a little girl. I’ll talk to her.

Sam: I think you just have.

Captain: Have I? Oh…Er (pulls himself together and back into the ‘old Captain’). Thank you, Sam, you’ve really helped. If there’s anything I can do in return…

Sam: Well, there is one thing.

Captain: Name it!

Sam: Well I hope you can help us. (Pirates gather round) We’re looking for my bear, Benny. We were told you might know where he is. Have you seen him?  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 53 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Captain: (looking distinctly uncomfortable) Brown Bear was he?

Sam: Yes

Captain: Sort of shifty looking?

Sam: No. Just cute and cuddly. Have you seen him?

Captain: No! (general no, not us, nope - then)…. Yes (general change to yes, yep - then)! Perhaps! (perhaps! etc)

Sam: Where is he then?

Captain: Oh, look, you’ve been so nice to me I just feel terrible about this… he came running through here. Now he was obviously running from someone so we thought he must be of some value. So we, kind of, er… took him hostage…

Sam: TOOK HIM HOSTAGE!!!???

Captain: Well what do you expect? We are pirates after all. We’re supposed to do things like that.

Sam: Hmmm! Well where is he now?

Captain: Oh, don’t worry, he’s totally unharmed and quite comfortable. (mysteriously) He’s in our secret, hiding place…..

Sam: (panicking) You haven’t buried him have you? Pirates are always burying things…

Captain: No, no, no. Just, kind of, imprisoned him.

Sam: Where is this secret hiding place?

Captain: Well it wouldn’t be secret if I told you. I am the only one who knows where it is locat…

Mitch: And me

Captain: What?

Mitch: And me. I know where it is too.

Mary: And me!

Sal: I know too!

All: Me! Me!

Captain : (to Sam) Hang on a sec (to Pirates) How come you all know where the secret hiding place is?

(General sheepish looking down)

Captain: Have you been looking at my map?

Mary: Might have. Just a glimpse.

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 54 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Captain: Did you take it from my cabin?

Mary:No, no, no, no. We wouldn’t dream of………. Yes.

Captain: And where is it now?

(Here we had printed the map in the programme. The pirates all have a copy. Captain can check with the audience too. Alternatively could be projected behind him.)

Captain: Oh marvellous! Thanks a whole bunch, people. Very funny!

Sam: Is Benny where the ‘X’ is.

Captain: (sighs) Rather unoriginal I know, but yes! Don’t worry, he’s quite safe and comfortable. You’d better take this. (gives her a copy of the map)

Sam : Thank you, Captain (to DC) This map’s cool, it’s like a spider’s web…

DC: Look more closely…

Sam: It’s your web isn’t it. The Dreamcatcher. It’s the map of this dream. Look, there’s the ticket office, there’s the Police station…I wish we’d had it before. It might have helped us avoid some of the nasty bits!

DC: Maybe, but new dreams land in the web all the time so you’re never quite sure what you’re going to find!

Sam: It looks like Benny’s near this big hole in the middle.

DC: That’s the centre of the Dreamcatcher. That is where good dreams pass through. And that’s where your dream will end tonight. Let’s go.

Sam: According to the map the Parade Ground is next. I wonder what that is.

DC: Ready? (she drops a feather and they go)

(The Dream Police come on at a run during the transportation sequence)

DS: (looking around at the lights again) I wish she’d stop doing that!

Captain: Oh great, just when I thought things were getting better the old Bill arrives.

DS: Not to worry, Captain. We’re not after you….YET!!!

Sarge: No, we’re following Sam. We think she may need some help. And we’re also after NightMare who pulled a fast one and ….

Cons: Yada, yada, yada.

DS: And now it’s getting near morning and Sam will wake up soon – we’re coming to the end of the dream. I think things are going to get a bit tasty from now and we could do with some reinforcements. You and your men are hereby deputised!

(General cowardly consternation)

DS: Oh, come on!  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 55 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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. (They are still unsure).

Sarge: We may be tempted to overlook certain recent bear-knapping activities…

(General concern, the Pirates huddle for a moment.)

Captain: All right, all right. We’ll do it. Won’t we men?

Pirates:(resignedly) Hoorah!

DS: Done. Let’s be ‘avin you!

Captain: Go and we will follow. Lead on Macduff!

Cons: Actually, it’s “Lay on Macduff…”

(Police lead off, with the Pirates following. Reprise of Pirate song.)

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 56 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT TWO Scene 4 Parade Ground

Bed Bugs marching on chanting military style again

Drill: Round and round the garden!

Squad: Like a teddy bear!

Drill: One!

Squad: Step!

Drill: Two!

Squad: Step!

All: And tickly under there.

Drill: Squad, halt. Squad, at ease. Take 5, Bed Bugs. Fall out!

(They fall out)

Colonel: Time is running out, and we still haven’t got any clues as to the whereabouts of the Bear.

Sam: You can stop right there

DC: No Sam…

Bed Bugs surprisingly efficiently get into ‘covering’ mode, and surrounding Sam in nasty grabbing poses.

Sam: (to DC) It’s alright. It’s my dream remember. (to Drill) Why are you looking for Benny? He’s done nothing to you!

Drill: Ha, the bear’s owner, eh? I think NightMare might want a word with you.

Drill goes to grab Sam

Colonel: (to Drill) Remember our orders, drill Sergeant. We are to secure the bear and leave the girl to NightMare.

Sam: NightMare? Pah! Don’t mess with me, I’ve already beaten NightMare.

(General consternation and backshuffling from cowardly Bed Bug that she could beat NightMare)

CO: (to squad) Easy, men.

Sam: And ladies!

Bug8: Right on, sister! (they high 5)

Drill: (to Sam) Beaten NightMare? I don’t believe it! And what do you mean ‘Don’t mess with you’! Don’t mess with us, young lady!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 57 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Song The Mess March

During this the squad regularly dissolve into hysterics and the Drill and CO look a little uncomfortable during the choruses

Drill: When I was a lowly private my training made it plain That a Bed Bug’s job in simple terms was causing fear and pain My current role as Sergeant keeps me safe and sound from harm But now I need the Lieutenant’s stripe upon my arm I need the loo I need the loo I need the Lieutenant’s stripe upon my arm

All He needs the loo He needs the loo He needs the Lieutenant’s stripe upon his arm

Drill: Causing war and conflict and appearing sour and glum Is by far the hardest job that we have ever done And as our job’s so stressful and we’re almost on our knees We’re desperate for a week off to recharge our batteries We need a wee We’re desperate for a wee We’re desperate for a week off to recharge our batteries

All We need a wee We’re desperate for a wee We’re desperate for a week off to recharge our batteries

CO: As the Bed Bugs’ colonel, I’ve taste for art and craft I’ve a Van Gogh in my kitchen and a Degas in the loft A Rodin in the hallway and a piece by Henry Moore, and A huge Botticelli hanging over my front door A huge Botti I’ve got a huge Botti I’ve got a huge Botticelli hanging over my front door

All A huge Botti He’s got a huge Botti He’s got a huge Botticelli hanging over his front door

All So don’t mess with us or we’ll mess with you We’re the creepy crawly Bed Bugs and we know just what to do We’ll find your teddy first and then we’ll pull his stuffing out And we all smell trouble coming if you try to stop us now And we all smell And we all smell And we all smell trouble coming if you try to stop us now

(Song end. Sam and DC very amused.)

Drill: (to Sam) I don’t know what you’re laughing at! I repeat, don’t try and get in our way or all sorts of very nasty things might happen…. Squad! Our orders are to find the bear and find the bear we will. We must not, I repeat NOT, leave a bear behind!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 58 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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(Squad and Sam and DC collapse again)

CO: (wearily) Good grief…

Drill: Ten Hut!!!

(They snap with difficulty)

Drill : Right turn! (to Sam) See you around, sucker! Squad, move off. (chant as they march off) Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Squad: Spongebob Squarepants

Drill: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he

Squad: Spongebob Squarepants!

Drill: Sound off!

Squad: Spongebob

Drill: Sound off!

Squad: Squarepants!

Drill: 1,2,

Squad: 3,4

Drill: Spongebob

Squad: Squarepants!

Sam: They weren’t very friendly.

DC: Bed Bugs are always around. You just can’t get rid of them.

Sam: According to the map we’ve only got to go down Memory Lane and we’re there.

DC: Good. Time’s running out. Let’s go! (drops the feather and they are transported)

(Police come in with Pirates, again looking around at the impressive effects.)

DS: I wish I knew how she did that…

Cons: Clever, isn’t it?

DS: So, the plot thickens.

Sarge: Does it?

DS: (reflectively) They do tend to. Plots. They thicken. (They all muse on these wise words for a second).

Captain: What about those Bed Bugs who marched through our rehearsal?

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 59 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Cons: We’ll have to keep an eye on them, for they are NightMare’s evil minions.(significantly as the lights darken, perhaps underlight Cons during this speech with a torch) The forces of evil gather, friends. (spooky music under)

Tarq: Ooooh, ‘eck!

Cons: (speaking in portentous tones while pirates make sounds of a wolf howling, lightning/thunder etc General spooky synth tones.) Dark demonic denizens of death drift diabolically through their dread domain. Witches and warlocks work their weird wizardry whilst the sinister servants of sin sneak stealthily ‘neath a silver moon toward their terrible, twisted, tangled….. er…tangled…. tea party. (thunder and lightning etc stop abruptly)

Sarge: (lights come up again) Tea party?

DS: Who said tea? White with 12 sugars please!

Cons: Sorry. Ran out of words beginning with T. Spoilt the atmosphere really, didn’t it? (general resigned agreement) Sorry.

DS: Well if it’s all going to kick off it’s just as well we’ve got you Pirates on board? Pirates on board! Geddit? (there is an awkward silence) So, cuppa Rosie anyone?

Sarge: Best idea we’ve had in ages. Lead on, Macduff.

(As they leave)

Cons: Actually its ‘lay on Macduff’…

(Sound of a slap.)

Cons Agh!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 60 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT TWO Scene 5 Memory Lane

Sam: This must be Memory Lane. What happens here?

DC: Just try and think of one happy memory and we should be fine.

Sam: Oh! OK! I’ll do my best.

(Sam closes her eyes and thinks hard – and starts to smile – there is music, intro to the song. Lights change to a very warm, sultry feel. We hear Lark song and insects buzzing.. Children sit on the grass pointing up at the sky and laughing happily. Guitar intro to song begins.)

DC: Who’s this?

Sam: (joyfully) Oh! It’s my class at my old school! There’s Kate and Amy and Isabel, and Christian and Daniel (substitute cast names)… I remember. On my last day before we moved our teacher took us on a nature walk. It was a beautiful warm summer’s day and we all sat in the grass and made pictures from the clouds…

(The next numbered lines can be divided up as necessary)

1: Come and sit next to me, Sam!

2: I’ll budge up.

(Sam sits with them as they point and marvel.)

We’re looking at clouds. I can see an elephant.

3: …and I can see a bird.

Sam: That one looks like a tortoise!

4: Look! There’s a Tyrannosaurus roaring!

Song Skypainting by numbers.

(Laughter and support from the rest for each observation. The class continue to mime during Sam’s singing.)

Sam Looking at the sky Shapes are passing by White but filled with colour As they fly and fly Painting clouds by numbers Filling in the shades We talk and laugh for hours On this lovely day Skypainting by numbers Our wondering minds run free Skypainting by numbers My friends and me

1: I can see a lizard sitting in a tree

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 61 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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2: And I can see a teddy bear waving at me

3: I can see a planet, red and dark and big

4: There’s a wolf, he’s blowing down the houses of the pigs

5: Look out for the leopard, waiting there to pounce

6: And there go Tom and Jerry, chasing Mickey Mouse

7: I think I see a tractor, or maybe it’s a train

8: And there’s a little rabbit with a daisy chain

Chorus Looking at the sky Shapes are passing by White but filled with colour As they fly and fly Painting clouds by numbers Filling in the shades We talk and laugh for hours On this lovely day Skypainting by numbers Our wondering minds run free Skypainting by numbers My friends and me

9: See the shape of Britain, hanging in the sky

10: It’s turned into a monster with a staring eye

11: And there’s soaring eagle, circling in the sun

12: And that one looks a little like a big currant bun

13: Tower Bridge is opening, letting in the boat

14: And there’s a fairy castle with a silver moat

15: There’s the flag of Scotland,

16: And there’s a Christmas tree

17: It’s turned into a Unicorn galloping free

Chorus Looking at the sky Shapes are passing by White but filled with colour As they fly and fly Painting clouds by numbers Filling in the shades We talk and laugh for hours On this lovely day

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 62 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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(The two parts are sung over each other)

Skypainting by numbers (We’ll paint the sky in rainbow colours) Our wondering minds run free (Red and green and blue and yellow all day long) Skypainting by numbers (We’ll paint the sky in rainbow hues) My friends and me (My friends and me) Skypainting by numbers (We’ll paint the sky in rainbow colours) Our wondering minds run free (Red and green and blue and yellow all day long) Skypainting by numbers (We’ll paint the sky in rainbow hues) My friends and me (My friends and me) My friends and me (My friends and me)

Sam: My friends and me.

(Song ends.)

Sam: I’m so happy here.

18: I wish we could come here every day.

19: It’s much better than that smelly old classroom!

20: I like our classroom. It’s got all our pictures up on the walls.

21: But it always smells of school dinners.

22: And your smelly feet!

(Unnoticed, behind them, Sam’s Mum has entered. She looks sadly on.)

Sam: I think it’s the best school in the world!

All: Yes/it is/I think so too.

Mum: Sam? Sammy? It’s time to go.

Sam: (realising what is happening) Oh, no, Mummy. Please let me stay. With all my friends. Please.

23: Don’t go Sam.

24: We’ll all miss you terribly.

25: Stay with us Sam.

Sam: Please, Mummy…

Mum: I’m sorry Sam. You know we have to go now. We’re moving to a lovely town and I’m sure you’ll make lots of new friends there.

Sam: But I don’t want new friends. I want to stay here.

(She starts to cry. Her Mum holds her close.)

Mum: I know, I know. Be brave, Sammy! Try and be brave!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 63 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Sam: I will (she pulls herself together a little) I’ve got to go now, everyone. Don’t forget me!

26: We won’t forget you Sam

27: We’ll always think of you when we look at the clouds.

Sam: I’ll think of you too.

28 You’ll always be our friend, Sam.

29: Our dearest of friends.

30: Our paths will cross again, Sam

31: In our dreams.

32: In your dreams.

(They place a daisy chain around her neck)

Sam: I know. They will. They have. We’ll meet again. Goodbye.

All: Goodbye Sam

(The class leave giving Sam a hug as they go.)

Mum: (almost tearfully) I’m so sorry, Sam.

Sam: It’s not your fault, Mummy. I know we have to move. It’s not Daddy’s fault either. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.

Mum: You’re a brave girl, Sam. Thank you. Shall we go?

Sam: You go on ahead. I’ll be there in a minute.

Mum: All right. Sam?

Sam: Yes, Mummy?

Mum: You’re still my baby, you know.

Sam: I know.

Mum: And don’t forget to bring Benny!

Sam: I won’t! And Mummy? I’ll see you very soon.

(Mummy looks a little questioningly at Sam, shrugs and leaves. Sam looks at her daisy chain.)

DC: You are lucky to have such friends.

Sam: My dearest of friends.

DC: Happy memories are often tinged with sadness.

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 64 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Sam: But Mummy was right, I know I can make new friends like I have in this dream.

DC: Friendship walks with you always. But now, we must hurry. Lead on Macduff

Sam: Actually its ‘lay on…’

(DC drops the feather and they are transported to…)

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 65 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT TWO Scene 6 The Inevitable Chase

DC: Quickly Sam

Sam: But I’m so tired, Dreamcatcher.

DC: It’s not far now. But we must be careful…

Sam: This must be it… the centre of the web! Look! There’s a treasure chest. Benny must be in there!!!

(Sam dives for the chest. Behind her NightMare and her entourage enter at speed and grab Dreamcatcher)

DC: Sam!

Sam: (freezes) It’s NightMare. She’s behind me, isn’t she?

DC: Yes.

Sam: (matter of factly) She’s taken you prisoner, and the situation looks grim?

DC: Looks like it.

Sam: Bring it on! (she turns) Hello NightMare!

NightMare: Why child! So pleased to see me? Ha ha! I’m touched. You thought you had defeated me. But I have been biding my time. Growing stronger. And now the final victory will be mine.

(Sam rushes to try and help DC. She struggles with NightMare’s entourage and succeeds in getting DC away from them but while she is doing this NightMare goes to the chest and opens it. Benny is there. She takes him out.)

NightMare: Playtime, little bear. Time to die!

(She makes to pull it apart when suddenly there are flashing blue lights.)

DS: (using a megaphone) NightMare. Drop the bear. You are completely surrounded.

Sarge: (heard over the megaphone in the background whispering to DS) Say “Resistance is useless”.

DS: Resistance is useless!

Sarge: Say “Come out with your hands, up””

DS: Come out with your hands up!

Cons: Say “Come in number 22, your time is up”.

DS: Come in number 22, your…

(Giggling)

DS: Good grief! (authoritative again) Put the bear down, NightMare!

NightMare: You’ll never take me alive Copper!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 66 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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(Cons has been sneaking up behind NightMare. He grabs the bear)

Cons: Ha!

NightMare: Whoa!

Cons: Got you!

Pirates: (loudly) Hoorah!

Cons: (handing Benny to Sam) I believe this belongs to you.

(Bed Bugs have come on and intercept Cons. Drill grabs bear.)

Drill: Not so fast, copper!

NightMare: That’s my line.

Drill: So you thought you could outwit the Bed Bugs did you? Well think again!

NightMare: Give me that bear!

Drill: Yes sir! I mean Yes ma’am.

(He reaches out but Martha comes in).

Martha: Stop right there! Can I see your dreamticket please sir?

Drill: Ah! My ticket. (Searches apologetically) Must have left it at home.

Martha: A likely story. Has anyone got their dreamticket?

(General pathetic guilty searching)

Sam: I have! (she produces it)

Martha: Then I’ll be taking this, sir, as I believe it can only belong to this young lady as it is clearly her dream! (takes the bear and moves towards Sam)

NightMare: Not so fast! (aside) I do love saying that. (back to Martha) Hand over the bear or prepare to suffer.

Martha: (takes in the situation slowly) Uh-oh!

(She runs off. Everyone is taken by surprise for a second. Then…)

NightMare: Get after her, idiots!

Drill: Squad! Give chase!

(They run off keystone cops style after Martha followed by NightMare and entourage.)

DS: Right men. Let’s go! We’ll head ’em off at the pass!

Sarge: What pass?  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 67 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Cons: Oh, come on! (they exit in another direction).

Captain: Right lads. Let’s show a bit of pirate spirit.

Pirates: (surprisingly impressively) Hoorah!

Captain: Hey! Good! Let’s get after them!

Pirates: (even more impressively) Hoorah!

(Pirates run off.)

Sam: Oh Dreamcatcher! What do I do?

DC: Don’t worry Sam. It will all become clear. Remember the legend of the Dreamcatcher!

(We now go into a classic chase!)

1. Martha enters pursued by Bed Bugs. Police/Pirates enter from the other side. They cross interlinked centre stage, the bear is passed from Martha to the police. All exit.

2. Police come on with bear. NightMare and entourage enter from other side. NightMare spots the bear. Police turn on spot and run off pursued by NightMare.

3. NightMare and entourage come back on now pursued by police and then by Bed Bugs. Martha comes on opposite side. Bear is passed from police to Martha. NightMare and police exit. Bed Bugs realise change has happened, stop, turn and give chase to Martha who screams and heads off.

4. Martha and NightMare enter alone from opposite sides and come in back to back. They circle back to back and eventually touch. Martha jumps back. Martha freezes in fright - bear held high.

5. Police and pirates enter from one side. Bed Bugs/NightMare entourage from another. They crash in the middle into a big pile and lie as if knocked out. Martha is left in the middle with her arm up holding the bear. The chase finishes.

NightMare: (takes the bear) And now, the final act.

Sam: (to DC) Dreamcatcher. I don’t know what to do. Please help me!

DC: Be strong, Sam

Sam: (to Sam) I’ll try! (to NM) Stop NightMare! This is not your domain. It is ours. This dream belongs to me. You will not harm me! You will not harm Benny. I forbid it!

NightMare: Who do you think you are?

DC: It matters not who she is. It matters not who I am. It matters where you are.

A spotlight has appeared centre stage – the centre of the web.

Sam: Of course! (secretly to DC) The centre of the Dreamcatcher!

DC: Exactly, Sam! (Sam starts to move round behind NM while DC distracts her)

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 68 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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NightMare: More riddles, Dreamcatcher? You will suffer like that puny child. Come to me!

DC: No riddles, NightMare. Just a happy ending. (Sam is now behind NightMare)

NightMare: Come to me! (DC moves towards who reaches out. Sam sneaks from behind, kicks her in the shin and grabs the bear from NightMare.)

DC: The light, Sam, back towards the light! (They jump into the light) Well done!

NightMare: Why you sneaky little runt...

(She tries to lunge but can’t get into the light. There is a force field. The firefly lights from the beginning reappear and bind the frozen nightmare with the ribbons/cords used to make the Spider’s web in the opening scene.)

NightMare: What is happening to me?

DC: NightMare. We are in the centre of the Dreamcatcher where only good dreams may pass. You are caught in the Dreamcatcher’s web and when the morning comes, the Sun will burn you away forever.

NightMare: Oh no! No! Not that! Sam, I was only playing! Please, Sam, please.

DC: And now the choice is yours Sam. We may not go back into the dream as we must now pass through the centre and back into your world. But you can choose what happens here.

Sam: (thinks for a moment) Dreamcatcher, you have shown me so much. You have given me so much. I know that I don’t have to be frightened of the NightMare any more. Whenever she comes, I will be ready for her.

DC: Do you wish to release her?

Sam: Well, she has been a bit horrid! I’ve got an idea. Can you wake up the policemen?

DC: Of course! (she waves a feather – the Policemen wake)

DS: What was all that about?

Sarge : Search me, Guv!

Sam: I think we have a prisoner for you!

DS: Why, if it isn’t NightMare

Sarge: who pulled a fast one and hopped chokey

Cons: and did a runner…

All: Yada, yada, yada

DS: The webs we weave, eh? Looks like you’ve been stitched up kipper-like, my girl!

NightMare: Don’t look so smug, copper!

Sarge: You have the right to remain silent!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 69 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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Cons: Please!

Sarge: You do not have to say anything but anything you do say may be laughed or totally misunderstood or simply misreported in court.

DS: You’d best accompany us to the Nick.

DS / Cons/ Sarge: You’re goin’ dahn!!!

DS: Thanks, young lady. No doubt we will meet again.

Sam: I should think so.

DS: And Roadtaxer?

Sarge: Meanstester?

Cons: Newscaster?

DC: Dreamcatcher!!!

DS / Cons/ Sarge: Whatever…

DS: Thanks to you too. I know we will be seeing rather a lot of each other. OK lads. Round up those other rascals and we’ll be off.

Sarge: (rounding up Bed Bugs with the help of the Pirates who take a Bug each) Hey Super, there’s a little caff on the way back. How about a cuppa Rosie?

Cons: I’ll get them

DS: White, 15 sugars.Come on, lads.

Captain: (to DS) Hold on a second. (to Sam) Sam. Helping you has given my crew the bravery they were missing. Hasn’t it, guys?

Pirates: Hoorah!

Captain: And thanks for what you said, Sam. I won’t forget you. Wherever I am.

Sam: I know. Goodbye. (to herself) Dad.

Cap’n (to DS) Mind if we tag along. This police thing seems more exciting and rewarding than pirating and the crew seem be enjoying themselves.

Pirates: Hoorah!

DS: Only one question. How do you take your tea.

Captain: We all take the same. White, 11 sugars.

DS: You’re in!

Pirates: Hoorah!

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 70 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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DS: But you can cut out the hoorah-ing right now!

Pirates: (pause – then very loudly and stirringly Simpsons style) WooHoo!

DS: Good grief! Come on, then, let’s be ‘avin’ you…Everyone back to the nick! (to Martha) You comin’?

Martha: Would you mind holding for one second, Sir? Thank you! (to Sam) Total customer satisfaction is our aim. Please give me your feedback after the tone. Beep!

Sam: Er… well…you answered all my wishes – I was a popstar, I got to go back to my old school, and I spent some time with my Dad. But there was more. So much more. Thank you.

Martha: Your feedback is appreciated. We look forward to a chance to serve you again. Shout 1 to end the dream, or 2 to return to the beginning.

Sam: Oh I haven’t got the energy to go through all that again. 1!

Martha: You have selected to end the dream. Goodbye and thank you for travelling with Dreamscape.. (to DS) Let’s go!

DS: (prompted by Sarge) Er… Sam, you know that thing you do. To get around. Er, can we ‘ave a go?

Sam: (looks at DC) Can we help them?

DC: Of course! Come here Superintendent. (DS approaches but does not go into the centre light.)Ready?

(DC drops a feather which DS catches and all except DC and Sam are transported. During the general commotion DC changes back into her original form by the Fireflies. The stage is bare except for Sam and DC who stand holding hands in the spotlight centre stage.)

Sam: (she hugs her bear) Hi, Benny! Nice to have you back! (to DC) Is that it?

DC: That’s it. We’ve come a long way together, you and I.

Sam: Yes. I’ve learned so much so quickly. I don’t think I’ll be afraid or lonely any more.

DC: Sam, you don’t have all the answers yet. But whenever you need help, you know your dreams are there.

Sam: And you?

DC: And me, if you need me.

Sam: Time to go home, then?

DC: Time to go home.

Sam: Thanks for everything, Dreamcatcher (she gives her a big hug) … I’m ready.

(Sam falls asleep into DC’s arms as they are transported to…)

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 71 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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ACT TWO Scene 7 daydreaming

(DC leads Sam to her bed. Sam takes off her dressing gown and slippers and gets into bed. DC tucks her in. Sam is very tired. She gives DC another huge hug and places the daisy chain around her neck. DC places her hands over Sam and she falls back onto her bed. There is the bass synthesiser note from the beginning.)

DC: Sleep now, and wake gently. With the morning sun your bad dreams will be burned away. Your good dreams will stay with you forever. You will smile with the Sun. You will dance with the Moon. You will sing with stars. You will run with the clouds. You will cry with the rain. Hear the words of the Dreamcatcher…(We hear the drums again.) I am always with you. Call on me if you ever need me. My love travels to you on the wind, and we share one heart; though we are many. You shall always be my dearest of friends, and I pray that our paths cross many times as we walk in dreams. I am never gone; look in your heart; look in your dreams; I am there. For I am the Dreamcatcher. Forever with you. (She kisses the daisy chain) Goodbye, Sam.

(She disappears.The music gradually dies away, as do the drums. Sam sleeps. The lights come up. Birds sing. It is a beautiful morning. Sam’s Mum enters.)

Mum: Sam. Wake up time!

(She mimes opening curtains – lights up further. Sam stirs groggily.)

Mum: Good morning, darling. How did you sleep?

Sam: (suddenly wide awake) Oh Mummy, I had the most wonderful dreams! I dreamed that…. There was this… and he.. oh, Mummy I can’t remember.

Mum: Funny things, dreams. They seem so real at the time, don’t they? Then you wake up and ‘puff’, they’re gone.

Sam But these were different. I know they were…

Mum: But good?

Sam: Oh, yes! The best!

Mum: Come on, madam. Up with you. Breakfast is nearly ready. And there’s a surprise for you. Come down when you’re ready.

Sam: A surprise ? For me? Cool! All right, Mummy.

(Mum leaves. Sam stretches and gets out of bed. She puts on her dressing gown and slippers. As she pulls back her quilt to make her bed, Benny is revealed. The Dreamsong music begins).

Sam BENNY! BENNY BEAR! But how did you get….???

Song: Dreamsong reprise

(As the memories come flooding back she gazes up at the dreamcatcher, hugs the bear, and sings softly).

If I call you, you will answer If I hold you, I’ll be strong I’ll walk with you, laugh with you All the night long. We’ll live in the dreamscapes built inside my head  David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 72 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016

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We’ll fly through the Universe While I’m safe in bed We’ll catch a dream. Any dream And make it come true For you are my Dreamcatcher (spoken) And I love you!

(She kisses Benny and puts him on her pillow. Music continues over.)

Dad: (voice off) Breakfast Sammy!

Sam: (gazes up for a second or two longer. Then she realises who has called) Daddy? DADDY! Daddy’s home!!!!

(She runs off in excitement. The lights come down to a spot which casts a shadow from the dreamcatcher over the bear).

(Blackout.)

Song: Finale (with walkdown)

The End

 David Bevan, 11 October 2001 Page 73 of 73 Version 10.0 Amended 11 January 2016