Luna Lovegood and the Trouser Snake Book
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Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter. Just borrowing. As I pondered the nature of Luna’s “nature” for my other story, Their Way (which I swear I’m working on), I envisioned two equally believable possibilities: pure innocence to the point of naivety, or an uninhibited, kinky wild-child. With that on the mind, this story was inspired by a brief discussion a few weeks ago about a very special magical creature. Certain other details are also inspired (borrowed from) some of the other stories in this wonderful community. Special thanks to my beta, MapleMountain. LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE Luna Lovegood sat on a quiet shoreline on the edge of the lake near Hogwarts. She came out here sometimes when she wanted to escape all of the noise and activity of the castle... when she wanted to draw. Recently, she’d discovered she had the ability to “see” things remotely. She wasn’t sure exactly when this ability developed, but if she had asked Madame Pomfrey, the school nurse would have suggested it was triggered by her having recently completed puberty: she was now sexually mature... and fully fertile. All Luna did know was that it might be related to the fact that her maternal grandmother was a Seer. At first that worried her, because although her mother was not a Seer, she did on occasion have visions. And it was one of those visions that gave her mother the inspiration for that last fateful experiment. But Luna soon realized that it might not be such a bad thing because her interests lay in a different direction than her mother’s. There were so many wonderful creatures that she knew existed... despite what books (and certain people) said... but she had never seen them. This might prove to be the answer to everything. Luna didn’t care what people thought or said about her, but she did want to prove that these animals were real. It wasn’t about proving other people wrong, but rather to simply be able add to the sum of the knowledge of the world. LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE But she quickly ran into a problem. Her visions were so weak, so limited that once they ended she could no longer recall what the object of her vision looked like. Her Ravenclaw cleverness was able to discern a pattern and craft a theory: she could remember active details (how something moved or acted, things that could be described by verbs and adverbs), but she could not remember passive details (color, shape, location... nouns and adjectives). What was the point of seeing a Nargle if she couldn’t remember what it looked like? Of course, knowing that it floated—not flew—was significant, she supposed. And then one day after much trial and error, quite by accident she discovered that if she tried to draw what she saw while still in the vision, what she ended up with was nearly photographic in quality. This surprised her more than anyone else, as the last time she drew for fun, it took ten minutes to convince her ever- believing father that, yes, that WAS a tree. As it turned out, the only limiting factors in the quality of her drawings were the amount of time she spent inside the vision, and the drawing materials themselves (drawing paper and art pencils worked so much better than standard quills and parchment). No matter how long she spent inside the vision, she could still not recall what her subject looked like. But now, with a good graphite pencil and a half hour of solitude or more, she could at least leave the vision with what was tantamount to a black and white photograph. (She of course saw in color, but color drawings always came out really weird.) And so it was that today found Luna Lovegood sitting on the shore of the lake, leaning back against a tree, hoping to get for the first time proof that Crumple-Horned Snorkacks were real. So far, she had limited her drawings to known objects to verify that her ability was working. 2 LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE Forty-five minutes into her planned hour-long vision, Luna found herself being torn out by the sounds of approaching voices. While in her trance-like state, her other senses were heightened to compensate for being so distracted. “... on, Draco! When do I get to top?” “When you can grow something big enough to make it worth my while, Goyle.” “But you’re no bigger than I am.” “My point exactly. If I’m going to let... Wait! Shh! There’s someone over there on the other side of the lake! Up against the tree.” “Let’s go see who it is and bug them.” “Heh heh heh... you said ‘bug.’” “Shut up, Crabbe!” “Shut up, Crabbe!” Luna opened her eyes and the voices faded away into the distance as her hearing returned to normal. She looked down at the drawing in her lap. She never remembered the details, so she was often surprised by what she drew. But this time she was doubly so. This was nothing like what she expected. For some reason, she’d expected that the Snorkack was a cat- sized, pig-like creature with horns that curled around like a ram’s. But what she drew, although obviously incomplete, was much smaller... more kitten-sized than cat. As it turned out, that was good because if it had been cat- sized, it wouldn’t have fit onto her imported, A4-sized Muggle drawing paper. Because they were drawn whilst in her visions, Luna’s drawings were always life-size. Looking closely at the kitten-like creature, she noticed that instead of fur, it had fine feathers, even all the way down to the bottom of its legs. Most noticeably, larger, prominent feathers, 3 LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE not unlike that of a Great Horned Owl, lined its ears. That they flattened out to the sides gave them the appearance of being, well, crumpled. The owners of the earlier voices were now crashing through the forest undergrowth to intrude upon Luna’s solitude; she shook her head to clear the last remaining wisps of mental fog created by her visions. She took one last look at the Snorkack. Luna was very happy. But not for very long. “Well, well, well. Look at who we have here. Loony Lovegood!” Draco Malfoy drawled in a voice that dripped with undeserved self-confidence. His ever-present gaggle of goons guffawed giddily. Knowing it was best to simply ignore the Slytherin, Luna moved to put away her sketchbook. But unfortunately she was not fast enough as Malfoy had torn it out of her hands with a quick Summoning charm. “What do we have here?” he cooed happily. “Widdle Woony’s been dwawing!” he mocked. His voice wasn’t so amused after a moment of silence. “What the hell is this?” he asked in irritated confusion. It was hard to ridicule her if he didn’t know what he was looking at. “It’s a Crumple-Horned Snorkack,” Luna said, finally speaking. “Even you should be able to recognize that.” Any retort Malfoy might’ve had for what he thought was sarcasm was instantly drowned by laughter when he realized she was serious. “Oh, for the love of Merlin, you’re serious!” Malfoy choked out as he struggled to regain his breath. “She- she’s serious!” he repeated to Crabbe and Goyle, which set those two laughing. 4 LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE “Oh, oh wait, oh wait!” he told them, trying to catch his breath and quiet the other two. “I know. I know.” He started laughing again. “I’ll give you something to draw. You been hanging around Scarhead and his Mudblood lately, right? You want something imaginary to draw, why don’t you draw Potter’s Trouser Snake?” Crabbe and Goyle burst out laughing. “If you’re going to draw things that don’t exist, start with that!” As Malfoy succumbed to his laughter again, he threw Luna’s sketchbook into the lake. The three Slytherins then starting walking back towards the castle, laughing so hard they began wheezing. Once they were gone, Luna summoned her sketchbook back to her. A couple of quick spells and it was dry and as good as new. Looking at her Snorkack drawing again, she let out a tiny sigh of disappointment. She would have start over; she couldn’t resume drawing in the middle of a vision. Luna flipped to the next blank page and stared blankly at the drawing paper’s finely textured surface. “That’s a brilliant idea!” she suddenly exclaimed aloud. Why didn’t I think of it sooner? She’d never seen Harry’s Trouser Snake before. Of course, she’d never seen any Trouser Snake before, neither in person nor in any of the books in her house. With a happy smile, Luna got herself comfortable again and leaned up against the tree. Pencil in hand, she allowed her mind to go blank and closed her eyes. As was habit by now, her grip tightened slightly as the whirlwind of images slowly began to clear and focus into one. 5 LUNA LOVEGOOD and the TROUSER SNAKE * * * One Week Later * * * “Hello, Hermione,” Luna greeted. The brunette witch jumped in her seat as her quill went flying, ink splattering over her parchment. The studious Gryffindor was a bit unnerved at how the Ravenclaw could always do that.