Office of Student Affairs

2007-5-01

A Modest Proposal, vol. 3, no. 8

Kimberly Allen, et al.

© 2007 A Modest Proposal

Find more information about this article here. This document has been made available for free and open access by the Eugene McDermott Library. Contact [email protected] for further information. T H E E UTO STUDE N T PUBLICATION

Mindless Markllp· Waterview tenants pay for Utley's greed page 4 ~·---

INSID E The Trinity

River Project scandaJ to the courtroom Dallas's Central Park vision page 8 ~-~~~ is becoming a reality page 16

S UMMER 2007 • VOLUME 3 • ISSUE 8 AMP.UTDALLAS.EDU 2 CoNTENTS SUMM ER 20 07 • Vo LuMe 3 • Issu e 8

In 1his Issue. • • AR TS & L EISURE E DITORs' Buzz Student Government's Failure 12 Listening for the Summer 3 The closed SG meeting opposes the central An overview of the hottest albums responsibility of the organization. and concerts coming this summer EDITORIAL BY JORDAN YOUNGBLOO Editors Fatty J's Picks Kimberley Allen Summer selections for food Liam Skoyles C A M PU S LIFE near campus. Benedict Voit BY JAMES FICKENSCHER Jordan Youngblood Millionaire's Payday 4 A continued in-depth investigation into the Utley Foundation's financial history. . S ociAL CoMM ENTARY BY KIM ALLEN I 5 Rooting for the Underdog 6 No Vacancy Knowing the odds were against you Contributors can help make the not-so-sunny Why there is a desperate need to overhaul (create?) results a little more satisfying. a UTD system of reserving rooms on campus. Richard Badgett BY JONATHAN LANE BY LIAM SKOYLES Charlie Cliff Jonathan Coker Working to Avoid Work 16 A Bridge to the Future Ben Dower 7 The Trinity Trust Project is a bold James Fickenscher Fun ways to waste that oh-so-precious time. and needed step to revitalize the Hannah Frank BY HANNAH FRANK area and boost the national image of Dallas. Jessie H arpham G LO BAL P OLITIC S . BY JONATHAN COKER Paul Ingram Jonathan Lane 8 D evilish Duke Dealings ' Luke M cKenzie The scandal of the Duke Lacrosse Molly Wurzer case turned out to be the litigation. L ETTE RS TO THE E D IT ORS BY BENEDICT VOlT 18 SG Serving a Great Purpose New Era of Debating Mistakes are made, but this institution is 9 The 2008 Presidential campaigns are the first in a new benefiting the: UTD student body. era of politics to connect personally across the web. FROM FELICITY LENES Write to Us . BY BEN DOWER Website Responses Comments? Suggestions? 10 Searching Politics for Answers Flattery? Fan-mail? The shootings at Virginia Tech became a Email amodestproposal forum for advancing political age ndas. ~ @gmail.com today! PuzzLES & GAMES BY BENEDICT VOlT ~ ­ I I The Lively Abortion Debate 20 Puzzles Page Listening to both sides of any debate is • • •• II challenging, but ever more crucial. I II 22 The Uranus BY MOLLY WURZER Disclaimer Cover des•gn by Luke McKenzie. Uranus cover des•gn by Ben Dower and Bened•ctVoJt. Opinions expressed in this r------• puhlicatirm are those ofthe editor or writer ofthe articlt join AMP! and ttre not necessarily those of the Univmity administration, tht Board ofRegents ofthe This coupon entitles the bearer to one free submission. No purch~se necessary. Participant Univmity ofTexas System or must be a UTD stuqent or faculty member. AMP not responsible for lost or stolen coupons. the Board ofthe puhlication. Coupon valued at $0.0001 We're your voice. Why not use itl [email protected] I , I ------~------~----~ E o 1I o R s 'l!f---B<---Joou---..z~z~---- 3 SG slams door on students

Student Government exists for one mittee report. She called for a "point of being hijacked by Benhalim for just that reason and one reason only-to repre­ privilege" for the meeting to be closed purpose. There was a sense of urgency by Senators who sent the interest of students. When it to everyone except members ofSG. Her some senators to pass the amendment as voted to close becomes non-responsive to students or, justification? From an audio recording soon as possible; support for the amend­ even worse, excludes them from partici­ of the meeting obtained by this paper, ment would wane beca1,1se the leaders of the meeting patory aspects to which they are entitled, Kwong states: "Recently there was a par­ the movement are leaving SG. • Zeeshan Abedin it is nothing more than a vehicle for rep­ ty thrown by SAE, one at which I was Fortunately, the amendment failed to • Jessica Amber Ahmed resentatives' self-serving interests. A stu­ blacklisted, and I don't feel comfortable pass; following, for the most part exact • Bruce August dent government that arbitrarily bars the giving my report with so many hostile party lines, 22 voted for the amendment • Harrison John Boyd Jr. students it represents from the meetings members in the room." (According to and 15 voted against. Taking a gander • Clinton Brennan it holds is an abject failure. high-ranking members of the fraternity, at the Facebook pictures of some of the • Snir Cohen On April 24th, SG held its final she never even made an appearance that proponents of this amendment, their call • Farzan Ghodsianzadeh meeting of the year, one that would evening; her excuse does not stand under for "higher standards" rings hollow. The • Maria Islam prove to be decisive in determining the scrutiny.) amendment serves as an example of how • Haseeb Jangda . integrity of its constitution. A controver­ Steven Rosson, Cohen's ' running easily SG could be abused for personal • Nicholas "Kyle" Keller sial amendment to the SG constitution mate in the election, agreed: SG is not interests~ SG members have resorted to • Iris Kwong was on the docket. As worded, it would used to having this many students in a party politics, prioritizing the interests of • Cassiopia Lippold effectively remove any SG representa­ meeting, and their presence would be a few over the well-being of the entire • Shamin Masrour tive from office who was charged with "distracting." This move had been obvi­ student body. • Sarha Mavrakis any offense that could be "possibly pun­ ously choreographed, as Kwong and fel­ We make no effort to hide that Vice­ • MiaoMiao Qu ishable by disciplinary proceedings," re­ low SG members were intent on passing President Ben Dower served as an edi­ • Steven Rosson gardless of whether the representative the amendment behind closed doors. tor of this newspaper for the past two • Jason Stephen was ever found guilty. In anticipation of There were voices of dissent. Isn't SG semesters; we also make no effort to hide • Ana Tavares this discussion, the meeting drew an un­ supposed to be accountable to its con­ the fact that he, in a show of respect to • Chris Toolin usual crowd of 15 students. stituents? SG regularly displays a sign the responsibilities of his office, stepped • Adit Wongsaroj While standards are necessary for outside its meetings encouraging stu­ down from his position as editor after • Yen Yoon any governing body, it is the editors' dents to.attend, but few ever do. Why, the election. This editorial is motivated opinion that former SG President Ba­ then, does SG reject the students when not by personal political interests, but by sheer Benhalim had ulterior motives. It's they finally come? a desire to show the truth behind the re­ Senators who now well-known that newly elected SG The motion to close the meeting was cent actions of SG. President Manfred Mecoy was issued put to a vote and passed, and all non­ This is not an editorial that should voted to keep an alcohol-related citation just days af­ senator students were asked ·to leave, need to be written. Individuals at the the meeting open ter being elected to office. Benhalim saw including two AMP editors. According collegiate level should act in a mature the opportunity to exploit Mecoy's mis­ to the recording, the senators debated and honorable fashion; however, as these • Eraj Akhtar take and replace him with Snir Cohen, whether members of the press should be events have demonstrated, this rarely • Ben Dower who Benhalim had personally groomed let back in to the meeting. Certain sena­ happens. We at A Modest Proposal write • Julie Evans to be his successor. Benhalim threw his tors questioned whether AMP could this editorial in the hopes that the stu­ • George Graham weight behind Cohen for the election: even be considered a press organization. dent body will become aware of the ac­ Scott Hooker openly campaigning for him and releas­ Fortunately, we are officially recognized tions of those in office, and that those • Paul Ingram ing a diatribe in the Mercury expressing in SG's by-laws, and one AMP editor representatives are ultimately held ac­ • William Kelly his disappointment in the student body was allowed back in the room. countable for them. Mter all, it is to this • Felicity Lenes for electing Mecoy, saying he thinks As soon as all the students were out student body that our student govern­ • Arie Litovsky "students didn't make an informed deci­ of the room, Benhalim immediately ment answers to-a fact, we are afraid, • Megan Malone sion." changed his tone. He began the discus­ that has been sorely forgotten. • Shubham Manchanda After the Executive Committee re­ sion of the amendment with this state­ • Manfred Mecoy fused to select Cohen as senator of the ment: "Let's talk about the elephant in Sincerely, • Tiffany Ornelas year, he invented a special award to give the room, everybody. What everyone • Juliann Peterson Cohen instead. And angry that his hand­ wants to know is who will be the leader­ The editors ofA Modest Proposal • JeffPoole picked candidate lost the election, Ben­ ship for next year." Finally, an ounce of • Albert Ramirez halim used everything in his power to honesty. • Lori Skillestad • Alex Swaim subvert a fair election process. The whole As the amendment was revised, it was Check out Page 18for student purpose of this amendment, thinly veiled apparent it would be enacted solely for, • Bradley Wallace with concerns for "standards," was to re­ the purpose of removing Mecoy from of­ responses to the Student Gov­ move Mecoy from office. fice at any cost. Some expressed concern ernment meet~ng. Check amp.utdallas.edu for The meeting began as usual and that the wording would make it too easy More available at audio clips from the meeting, including this specific roll call. quickly turned sour. Iris Kwong, who to abuse the amendment in the event of a http:!lamp . utdallas. edu at publication was dating Cohen, stood power struggle. This was a valid concern, up to give her Academic Affairs Com- since it is clear that SG's constitution was 0 4 C A M P U S ~..._~-:=---_ __l---L-1 _.___F _.___E ______tey can Waterview rents are padding a millionaire's pockets

some profit. The only problem is that he he used an unfair capitalization rate that year, the Utley Foundation was operating has to find a buyer, and one who is will­ gave him more money than the apart­ at a $600,000 annual deficit and was in ing to pay his price. Why didn't UTD ments were worth. danger of going bankrupt. When rents buy the buildings when they had the Although the actual selling price is increase next year, the Foundation will by kimberley allen chance? The answer is simple: Bob Utley not explicitly disclosed, the prospectus receive an additional $600,000 in rent asked too much, and the university was suggests it is nearly $47.5 million. Ac­ revenue-exactly what it needs to cover [email protected] not willing to pay more than the build­ cording to the real estate agents I spoke its deficit. ings were worth. with, an adequate capitalization rate falls This is the reason rents "must" increase UTD President D avid Daniel points To solve this problem, Utley set up a between 8% and 9%, placing the real by 10%. It has little to do with a lack of to increased maintenance costs and the non-profit (tax exempt) corporation in value of the buildings at $38 million or money coming in from Phases V-I.X; it deficit in Phases V-I.X to justifY 10% rent 2002 called the Utley Foundation, sup­ less. Because Utley essentially negotiated has everything to do with the damage increases in Waterview. He's only telling posedly for the "sole benefit of the Uni­ the price with himself, he was able to sell done by Utley's greed. H ad Utley sold the students half of the story. versity of Texas at D allas." H e convinced the apartments at any price he wanted. buildings for $37.7 million, the Founda­ After analyzing the Waterview con­ the mayor of Anson, Texas (a tiny and And he banked quite a bit of cash: to use tion would be able to pay its debt service, tracts, the Utley Foundation's tax state­ unrelated town west of Abilene, popula­ Utley's words, "Box-rattling money, stuff and rent increases would fall in the nor­ ments, and a host of other official docu­ tion 2,335) to issue a $55 million munic­ you can hear." mal, 3-5% range. ments, one thing is evident: Bob Utley ipal bond so that the Foundation could This is the arrangement that former Up to now, the administratiorr has overpriced Phases I-IV by as much as purchase the buildings from the four UTD VP of Business Affairs Robert L. largely ignored my articles and the ques­ $10 million when he sold them to the partnerships at Utley's exorbitant price. Lovitt, in -an interview with the D al- tions in them. When investigating Wa­ Utley Foundation in 2003, and students terview the past several months, I could are being forced to pay for his greed. find no reason for 10% increases. It sim­ It all started so innocently. In 1983, ( ( Because Utley essentially negotiated the price ply made no sense- why wouldn't Dr. UTD began to consider student housing with himself, he was able to sell the apartments D aniel compromise, even a little? Now options for the first time. The university it's all clear. D r. Daniel and VP of Stu­ had no money of its own to dedicate to at any price he wanted. And he banked quite a dent Affairs D r. D arrelene Rachavong the housing project, and the administra­ are intimately aware of the Foundation's tion decided that the best way to provide bit of cash: to use Utley's words, "Box-rattli ng financial woes. Both are on the Board of housing was through a private partner­ Directors for the Utley Foundation, and ship. Bob Utley, founder and chairman of money, stuff you can hear.'' '' they must know about Utley's dealings. the FirstWorthing Corporation, stepped When discussing rent increases with the in and did the university a huge favor. When Utley sold Phases I-IV to the las Observer in 2005, called "one of the Campus Housing Advisory Committee Through an agreement with UTD, he Utley Foundation, he overpriced the best success stories in the United States." (CHAC) and the student body at large, took on the risk of building the apart­ buildings by as much as $10 million. In Similarly, Utley called it "an extremely however, these administrators have de­ ments now known as Phase I, and the business-ese, he used an unjustifiably low successful story about public-private liberately omitted the inconvenient truth project was finished in 1989. At that capitalization rate (approximately 7%) partnership." about the Foundation and the real reason time, Utley was the great philanthropist and projected future income that was Perhaps it would be, if Utley didn't UTD must raise rent. who brought housing to needy students. too optimistic. According to the b ond also own FirstWorthing, the company The third dimension to this story By 1995, the first four phases had prospectus, he predicted an operating in­ that manages Waterview. According to comes with FirstWorthing. The universi­ been completed. These were owned by come of $3.3 million, but the apartments the Observer article, Utley has told UTD ty's contract with FirstWorthing expires four Texas partnerships, in which Bob have only realized an operating income of to increase rent since before 2005, and this summer, and UTD must decide if Utley owned a controlling interest. Over $2.9 million. In layman's terms, he over­ he has good incentive. Part of the b ond it will renew the contract or accept a bid the next few years, he continued to build valued the apartments and predicted they money was put aside to pay the ground from another management company. other phases, which were later purchased would make more money than they've lease, which the Foundation pays to Since UTD does not own Phases I­ back by the university. been able to. While this was not an alto­ UTD to compensate for using univer­ IV, however, the question is more com­ Fast forward to 2001. Utley is ready gether unreasonable assumption in light sity land. Now that money is gone, and plicated. If UTD switches management to sell off Phases I-IV and make a hand- of past years' performance, the key is that the Foundation is in trouble. As of last companies, will the Utley Foundation fol- A M ODEST PROPOSAL C AMPUS L I FE 5

low? It's unlikely. Utley has a substantial be. Today, the administration's position financial interest in sticking with First­ is exactly the opposite. They believe stu- D D . Worthing - he owns it! 1his pressures dentsshouldbewilling topaya"premi- r. an1e Responds the university to renew the contract with urn" for living on campus. They've lost 1 FirstWorthing, as well, if only for sim­ the original focus and intent of cam- , Dear Ms. Allen plicity's sake. If the university is forced to pus housing and instead have adopted _I Write in resp~nse to your in ._ CHAC, to discuss issues of interest negotiate and manage relationships with a financially motivated position. In tat~on to comment on your rece:t to students and to answer questions two separate management companies, essence, Utley's opportunistic view of articles for A Modest Proposal 1hi :'-t the conclusion ofmy recent _· mg with CHAC meet the result would be inefficient, at best. In students has infiltrated the top ranks response is made on behalf 0~ D:. . ' 1 offered to con- tmue the dial order to change management companies, ofUTD officials and persuaded them Rachavong as well. ""' a . . oguc:._ and suggested as then, UTD would essentially have to ask to act in the best interest of a business . You have not requested· to meet · Illlntmum that we meet early in the Utley to agree to ditch his own company. instead of their own students. :dth me and, therefore, I have not Fall,. when b more speci<=c.u ~·-r1uorma - It doesn't take a pessimist to see that In all fairness, the university is a the opportunity to share m ~on .a out. budget plans for student the odd> of this are poor. Utley knows in a tough spot. All of the question- thoughts about student housing wit~ ousmg will be available and can be the position UTD is in. He's a shrewd able transactions took place during you or to inform your evaluation shared and discussed. businessman; he sees the leverage he has Dr. Franklyn Jenifer's presidency, and through direct dialogue. G~ven the number of issues cov­ against UTD. It could be an embarrass­ ered m your articles and the Dr. Daniel has merely inherited the am Ialhave an. ~pen door policy and 1 · com- ment to the university if the Utley Foun­ consequences of his predecessor's ac- ways willing to meet with stu- p eX!ty ofsome of the issues, I believe dation goes bankrupt, and even ifanother tions. However, students are the only dents, individually or in groups Stu- that the best way to share my in ut management company places a lower bid, re a! VICtim· · s. The rent mcreases· p1 ace dents. may sh are mput· With. me· via w?uld be through direct dialo:Ue Utley knows that UTD will likely renew students in a much more difficult email (.dedaniel@utdallas) or request W1th ~tudents when we can talk about the contract with FirstWorthing. What predicament than the university's. ~ mee~mg ?Y contacting Judy Snel- questiOns and concerns. incentive does he have to give UTD and Whose interests are more important? ngs [email protected]) its students a fair shake when he has And why did the university fail to act This semester, I have ~et with Sincerely, UTD by the throat? in students' interests all along? several student groups, including David E. Daniel That's not to say the university is the It's evident that the fate ofWa- President 1 victim in all this. In an interview, former terview was decided many years UTD President Robert Rutford ex­ before UTD ever succumbed to Utl~y'~·-s ···~, ~~---~~~~~~-~~-·-~~-~~~~~~~~-~;;~---J·- , plained that the first campus apartments most recent suggestion to raise rent. For it will do whatever it can to make amends in the 1980s were designed to be a little students, this is far from "one of the best for the Waterview scandal that will leave larger and a little less expensive than success stories in the United States." It students with empty pockets and unan­ what was readily available to students. is an indefensible exploitation of stu- swered questions. • UTD used the apartments on McCallum dents for the benefit of a wealthy few. I as a benchmark. The goal was to provide can only implore the university to do the Aidan Skoyles contributed to this article. affordable student housing, as it should right thing by its students and hope that Discuss this article at am.~.utdallas.edu! From our Website amp.utdallas.edu "Great article? Honestly. I will give credit where I believe that the University has had the time to "The only part ofthis article I disagree with is the it is due, it was a well written article and while I come up with a solution to the issues at Waterview, don't really want to defend Waterview, you fail to apparent 'maliciou~ intent' put forth by ?tley. I tend and that they have at the worst chosen not to, and at even mention any facts besides those that help your .to think more optimistically and chalk 1t up to pure the least chosen not to go further than a superficial argument. I nstead of being so intent on trying to 'patch job' on the situation. I think that this article incompetence. The style in which this was written, while it works well for the situation, is clearly an prove a point, how about you actually tell a true is a good beginning of what students need to start story... I don't want to defend Waterview because expose, which leads to claims of sensationalism and doing to go beyond the current administration in there are many valid complaints, but all you people conspiracy theories, even if they aren't intended by seeking outside solutions in addition to the current and your conspiracy theories are just plain stupid. the author. · efforts that should not be abandoned, such as going ·No one is out to get you, and the world does not to the regents, congressmen, media, etc. I think this "Either way, I'm content where I am, but fully sympathize with the majority that is less for~n~te revolve around you." could be a great university, and have enjoyed the -K, comment #53 than I. I enjoyed the article, and am appreoauve four years I have been here so far, and I sincerely that someone has more time than I to do their re- wish that this is a growing pain for UTD, however "I have crashed into love .with Kimberley Allen." I think this is a pain that must be addressed and is search." -Michael, comment #63 -Mahendran, comment #44 not one that will heal on its own." -Anonymous, comment #65 6 CAMPUS ~ L I E E Room For Improvement UTD's room reservation system fails the test

tern, it would have been easy to see that a reservation. Perhaps the most notable the event in question. When the stars the rooms were double-booked, or even obstacle is the nearly twenty phone calls align along with the best possible inten­ better, the double-booking would have required for the completion of the trans­ tions, twenty groups of people cannot act been avoided in the first pJace. action. That is completely unacceptable. in a coordinated and logical manner. This terrible bumbling of the reserva­ The room reservation system at UTD The brightest point of the campus by liam skoyles tion system just a few weeks ago borders is a badly distributed and fundamentally room reservation system is the Student [email protected] on incompetence and severely damaged flawed mess that has embarrassed our Union, a testament to what huge student UTD's reputation to a large group of university time and again. The formal demand will do. The Regency rooms are Imagine you had spent months plan­ potential students. The complexity of the process to reserve a space requires calling some of the most reserved' rooms on ning a surprise birthday party for your booking system makes blame almost im­ the Student Union Events Management campus and have an extremely conve­ friends; you made all the preparations possible to assess; however, lessons can Office or the President's Office, who nient online booking system, complete and invited a bunch of people over. Then be learned and things should change. are then expected to contact each of the with a schedule that runs until the end an hour before he showed up, your room­ All told at UTD, there are about for­ twenty or so people who are responsible of next semester! mate busted in with 20 of his annoying ty spaces you can reserve for university for scheduling the rooms. Sometimes This pillar of good planning exempli­ friends - disaster! sponsored events.They range in size from rooms are not the responsibility of a sin­ fies exactly what can be accomplished The Office of Undergraduate Educa­ Hoblitzelle Hall to that little meeting gle person but rather are reserved out of with only the most meager means. The tion hosted the Destination Imagination room in the Student Union next to the "an office." schedule is simply an excel spreadsheet State Competition a few weeks ago and pub. In fact, UTD is surprisingly open In a best case scenario, these individu­ that can be accessed online. faced a similar situation-except instead to having its facilities used by student als and offices are organized, given plen­ With the technical prowess and com~ of a few friends, they had nearly 8,000 organizations. However, there are prob­ ty of preparatory time, and most impor­ puter science focus that UTD boasts, it is visitors from around the state descend­ lems that do arise when trying to make tantly (and unlikely), actually care about laughable that we must rely on a simple ing on campus. spreadsheet for this important task. The competition, scheduled nearly a Some incredibly bright programming year in advance, was expected to take up minds call UTD home, and I am certain all the large rooms on campus; Hoblit­ a few of them could hammer out a res­ zelle Hall, the Activity Center and most ervation system in a semester or less. It of the School of Management were some wouldn't have to be complicated, just a of their prime locations. As competition simple schedule and application system . day approached, however, a terrible real­ that would allow students and organiza­ ization occurred. A few students realized tions the flexibility to reserve rooms and there were other events scheduled for check up on their reservations. that weekend and each had their own In order for more events to be held different version of the room reserva­ here on campus, it is absolutely neces­ tions. sary for students and faculty alike to have At this point panic began to set in. confidence that the rooms they reserve 8,000 people were expected on campus will be empty and prepared for their and they had nowhere to go. Eventually events. Further incidents like at the DI the venues were reorganized, shuffiing competition will only reinforce negative prospective Comets from the marbled conceptions of our campus and keep us floors of the School of M anagement into from making the impact we are capable the worst parts of campus. Every student of making in the community. visiting UTD that day, expecting to see It is the system itself that is most to high class academia, instead toured our blame. An effective, convenient and prac­ portable classroom buildings- some­ tical solution is within our grasp, with an thing we do our best to gloss over even to easily creatable program that would meet people already attending the university. or exceed all our requirements. A few They were denied any access whatsoever simple changes would make a huge dif­ to the Activity Center, Hoblitzelle Hall ference and would give students a strong or the School of Management. support system that they can use to bring Through the selfless efforts of numer­ more important events to campus and ous volunteers and UTD staff, the event inevitably benefit UTD. • turned out a success, but it could have been so much more if a few simple pre­ Liam doesn't have trouble with his room reservations. paratory solutions were in place. With an Call him to sig11 up for a time. online reservation and scheduling sys- Dl participants flood the Student Union on Friday night to trade pins. Photo by Benedir:tVoit Discuss this article at amp.utdallas.edu! A M oDES T P RO POSAL CAMPUS LIFE 7. Procrastinator's Confessional A "how-to''jor channeling the lazy within you

by han nah frank [email protected]

Term papers, lab reports, theses, AMP articles ... We all have assignments due at some point in our academic careers that we would rather not have to suffer through. Even as a literary studies major, there are times when I would rather do anything besides write the next paper that is due. As fi nals draw to a close and I finally have a chance to reflect upon this semester, I find that there are a surprisingly diverse number of activities with which I managed to distract myself this semester from doing what had to be done.

Watch a Movie

What better way to wallow in yo ur own inability to articulate your thoughts than by watching a movie about that very subject? In the 2002 movie Adaptation, Charlie Kaufman awaits inspiration in the 2002 film Adaptation. Photo courtesy of the Cinematic Intelligence Agency. screenwriter Charlie Kaufman accidentally writes himself into his endless and so is the struggle to resist eBay Shopping Spree to take a nap - just for an hour or two to own screenplay as he struggles to adapt the temptation to run out and waste clear your head. Then you'll wake up and get a book about flowers for the screen. If another 30 minutes of precious writing So "research" is out, but you're still back to work. I've found that this method you'v~ ever suffered as Kaufman and I time. After all, we all need nourishment connected to the internet. How else can produces mixed results. from writers' block, you might find this to think properly. you pass the time as you wait for the muse Often I wake up after a nap feeling movie to be a wonderful way to get the to strike? Visiting eBay at five o'clock in refreshed and productive, and manage to creative juices flowing again. Or it might "Research" the morning can be a very dangerous thing. whip out the paper that I need. But you have just get you two hours closer to the due Don't give into the temptation to bid on to be careful that you give yourself enough date with nothing to show for it. When you get home from your food random things just because you think other time to finish what you need to do. If you run, what then? H ow does one get back interested bidders will be asleep. My last think you need two more hours to finish the Food Run into the paper-writing mood? You've paper-writing session left me not only with assignment, tack on another hour or two just (hopefully) put in a few hours of research heartburn from my midnight snack but also to be safe. You may not need them, but you'll At one point during Adaptation, to prepare for your paper, looking with a new mandolin, which I bought for the be glad to have them there as a back-up. Kaufman (played in the film by Nicolas through the library for that perfect bargain price of$0.01 (plus S29.99 shipping Cage) sits at his typewriter thinking, quote or finding just the right statistic and handling). I didn't need it, but it was so If you too have done any of these or "How to start? I'm hungry. I should get to back up your claim. As you sit once cheap and easy, and most importantly, it kept similar things to keep from doing what coffee. Coffee would help me think." again in front of the computer, waiting me distracted from the task at hand for a full needed to be done, keep in mind that you're How many times have you sat down for the words to flow, you may have a thirty minutes. And just think about all the not alone in your habits of procrastination. at your computer to begin a paper and sudden urge to see what Wikipedia has time I could waste learning to play it! I'm here too, writing this article long after stared at the blinking cursor for a full to offer on the subject. PROCEED the deadline and just barely getting it in ten minutes before getting up and going WITH EXTREME CAUTION! Your Sleep on It for publication. This article is going to be to get dinner? It seems that this is the professor will most likely not accept this published, right? • way I start every paper. How about a as a source, as there's no telling where By this time, you've procrastinated your double-dip waffle cone from Braum's? the information came from. Try to stick way late into the night. Your eyelids are W., were going to write a blurb for Hannah but Or an iced mocha from Starbucks? Or a to credible sources and you'll probably becoming harder and harder to keep open. w t put it off until the laJI minute and rn11 out of tinu. burrito from Chipotle? The choices are be better off. You decide that it would be a good idea Diltlllllhis article at amp.utdallas.ed~! 8 ------~G~o~B~A~I~~P~o~l~I I~I C~S ______Caught in-Lacrosse Fire Duke case, built on grandiose lies, a societal embarrassment

by benedict voit [email protected]

A full year has passed. A season has been suspended, reputations put on the line, and lives put on hold. When the story broke about a potential Duke Lacrosse rape last March, uproar ensued. All across the country, activist groups led the charge against three white Duke Lacrosse players accused of raping African-American Crystal Gail Mangum. The University quickly responded. The three males were temporarily suspended from school. The lacrosse team's season was canceled, and the coach eventually resigned after receiving masses of hate mail and threatening letters. Over 85 Duke faculty banded together to express their dismay at the incident. Their concern, though, was not one over a rising cultural acceptance of presuming guilt until proven innocent, but rather took it upon themselves to question the motives of the accused on the grounds of race and sex. They spoke out about Mangum, specifically in an advertisement in a Duke newspaper when they claimed that " ... what is apparent everyday now is the anger Former North Carolina Attorney General Mike Nifong was responsible for leading the charge against the accused Duke and fear of many students who know themselves to be Lacrosse players. Above, Nifong at the shooting range uses other innocent people as targets. Photo illustration by Bened.ictVoit. objects of racism and sexism." One particularly outspoken faculty member asked Nifong had been appointed as North Carolina I'm not holding my breath. But I will hold my breath an even more daring question in the ad: "How is a Attorney General in 2005 and was up for election in for a society where media hype no longer justifies a Duke community citizen to respond to such a national 2006. The immense amount of publicity that Nifong reactionary search for equality. Rape is horrendous on embarrassment from under the cloud of a "culture gained from his role in the case undoubtedly eased its own. Still, gaining attention by fictitious reports of silence" that seeks to protect white, male, athletic the struggles of his election bid. This is not bad in is hardly better. The reputation of the entire Duke violence ... ?" itself. However, the law should be above politics, and Lacrosse program will remain tainted. The coach has The professor went on decrying that these players we can only hope that Nifong's intentions in the case moved jobs to Bryant University in Rhode Island. were " ... safe under the cover of silent whiteness. But were completely impersonal. H owever, it becomes The accused have been cleared, but what they lost where is the black woman who their violence and questionable since the North Carolina Bar filed ethics over the last year - reputation, pride, sleep, money - is raucous witness injured for Life? Will she ever sleep well charges against him in late 2006. incalculable. Legal clearance does not repay them for again?" The case drew national attention and the involvement these losses. The group advertisement labeled the incident " ... a was not limited to Duke personnel only. AI Sharpton Will the Duke faculty, who joined unified to decry social disaster." Funny. One year later we must ask: was confident that since the trial was brought forward, these events, buy another advertisement espousing the Could they have been more right? the evidence against the lacrosse players was solid. decency ofthe legal system? Very doubtful. The question Turns out that Mangum made the story up. The Jesse Jackson not only lent his word of support, but posed early becomes even more pertinent: "How is a ... lacrosse players are innocent. The shroud of "silent his Rainbow/PUSH coalition offered to pay Mangum's citizen to respond to such a national embarrassment?" whiteness" that granted these men protection turned tuition at North Carolina Central University for We must remain clearheaded and impartial as we out to be the Constitution - allowing innocent men to presenting her claims. Both were quick to hint at the digest future news. Allowing ourselves to be swept away go free. guilty nature ofthe lacrosse players without any seeming in accusations simply because of their racial or sexual As for Mangum, 1 do wonder how well she sleeps after desire for them to be innocent. basis would be improper. In fact, it could be called a a year long dramatic episode of creative storytelling. Last month Sharpton also called for the resignation of social disaster. • The prosecutor originally leading the case, Durham radio host Don lmus because of Imus' racial comments. District Attorney Mike Nifong, removed himself from One wonders exactly when Sharpton and Jackson will Bm~dicl d.ttlda/las.,edu! A MODEST PROPOSAL GLOBAL POLITICS 9 • • 0 e How the Internet is redesigning campaign politics

general feedback. At the end of the week, His presentation was professional but An older gentleman who identified the candidate posts a holistic response, had a personal touch, with Romney himself as "Pappy" talked about his work addressing the concerns of the audience. sitting at his desk with pictures of his on nuclear submarines during the Cold One candidate, Mitt Romney, was family on obvious display behind him. War while user KingUmbele made the case particularly good about posting individual Furthermore, although the main response for mandatory gun iqsurance. Edwards' by ben dower video responses to specific posters, whereas video contained a few slight stutters, these presentation was solid and personal, but ben. [email protected] tdallas.edu John Edwards posted fewer videos but slight speed bumps were left in the video, his video had several notable cuts where made sure to mention speci:fiic posters emphasizing the impromptu atmosphere multiple takes were strung together. This The 2008 Presidential Election has during his holistic response. of the monologue. style differed from Mitt Romney's , whose already been the host of several historic Mitt Romney asked his posters what John Edwards' took a different videos were notably continuous. "firsts." For one thing, it is the first they thought America's single greatest approach in his inquiry by placing more John McCain's attempt to engage the election without an incumbent President challenge was and how they would address responsibility on the viewer and asking viewer was a little bit more vague than the or Vice President looking to move up the it. The 71 different video responses them what they were going to do to bring other two candidates; his request was just ladder since 1928. Perhaps for this reason, showed great assortment ranging from a about change in America and the world. for some "straight talk" about the most the race is wide open for a broad range 16-year-old girl talking about vocational While consistent with his campaigning important issue. His video responses of figures . Barack Obama and Hillary tracts to a cartoon of Osama Bin Laden style and message, this was a high-risk are still coming in and although we are Clinton represent two historic firsts: the roasting in hell and expressing concerns strategy because it took the emphasis four days into the process, so far he has first black and female frontrunners for about anti-American sentiment abroad away from the candidate. If the payoff only received fifteen responses. McCain's a major party nomination, respectively. and corrupt media at home. could be measured by the video responses, video has also received strikingly lower Mitt Romney, a leading candidate for Romney's response identified the then Edwards tactic may not have worked ratings than the other candidates' videos. the Republican primary, is the first spread of radical Islamic Jihad as the because he only generated 53 video This may be a result of the video's serious Ladder Day Saint, or "Mormon," greatest challenge because it undermines responses, many of which totally ignored presentation, which feels more like a Presidential Candidate. And finally, a less national and international security. Edwards' question completely. campaign ad than a "chat" with the publicized first is John McCain, who at viewer. The video is filled with cuts to age 70 would be the oldest man to assume the McCain campaign trail while the the Presidency. candidate himself continues talking over However the most interesting "first" the various handshaking, speech-making isn't the diverse field of candidates, it's scenery. Hopefully this will be a lesso n the medium they're using to get the word to future candidates. Partially because out. For the last ten years, the Internet of this low turnout, I took the initiative has played a role in every Presidential to post my response, hoping that the low campaign. This year, however, cyberspace numbers will make it more likely to receive has taken center field in the political direct mention in McCain's response. battles. The controversial "1984" clip Knowing that Senator McCain, or depicting Hillary Clinton brainwashing at least someone on his staff, is going to a group of mindless citizen-zombies hear my thoughts is exciting to a political has already garnered over 500,000 views junky like me. on YouTube. Although the Obama While the McCain week will be over by campaign, the primary benefactors of the time this article is read, I encourage all the Internet-only advertisement, denied my readers to go to YouTube and search any involvement with the creation and "You Choose Spotlight" and post your own publication of the ad, the very fact that responses to whichever candidate is up to they had to address the issue illustrates its the plate. How You Tube will impact the significance. outcome of the Primaries is uncertain, but The most engaging new election with the first online Presidential Primary Internet feature JS YouTube's "You debate scheduled for later this year, the Choose 2008 Spotlight." Each candidate Internet is clearly going to play a major posts a brief clip asking a question or role in this year:'s election results. • making a request for feedback. The YouTube Community then has seven Ben campaigns on n platform ofpublic nudity. days to respond with a video of their own, H e is accepting video responses. addressing the candidate's inquiry and give Hillary Clinton brainwashes the masses in this online attack ad . Photo courtesy ofYouTube Discuss tbis article at amp .~t tda/las.edll! 10 GLOBAL POLITICS SUMMER 2007 • V OLUME 3 • ISSUE 8 Politicizing Grief

society. 'This shooting makes clear that we need tighter controls on what young adults are exposed to. The argu­ ments go on. Life as many knew it, though, will not. In Loving Memory... They need time; they deserve our support. • Ross Abdallah Alameddine Next week, next month, next year, time exists to have • Christopher James Bishop by benedict voit these debates. The discussions pertinent now will still benedict.voi [email protected] be pertinent then. Therefore, let us allow ourselves as • Brian Roy Bluhm a society, in this time of fresh grief, to provide comfort • Ryan Christopher Clark I've been scared.before. I'll admit it. My heart races, instead of placing blame. Don't point fingers, but hold • Austin Michelle Cloyd even skips a beat, as that feeling of fear creeps across my hands. Of course we mustn't wave off the incidenr as a • Jocelyne Couture-Nowak entire body. We've all felt that sudden rush of adrena­ freak occurrence - it would be stupid and unfair not • Kevin P. Granata line, compounded with your muscles suddenly locking to take lessons from this horror. However, our nauseat­ • Matthew Gregory Gwaltney into place. ing desire to immediately provide reasons that fit our But I can't say I've ever been terrified - that I have predetermined notions of what is right or what should • Caidin Millar Hammaren gotten to the point where my life is in peril and I seri­ be allowed does not advance any situation. It would be • Jeremy Michael Herbstritt ously think, "'This could be it." I'm lucky that's never wise for us to allow the rage of the situation to calm • Rachael Elizabeth Hill happened, and I'm not sure I can even imagine what before making rash decisions, be they legal, academic, • Emily Jane Hilscher it is like. or social. • Jarrett Lee Lane I don't think most of us can. Reading about the It is a tribute to the human spirit that tragedy can • Matthew Joseph La Porte events that happened at Virginia Tech on April 16th pull people together, keeping each other strong in a mo­ in the seclusion and protection of our rooms, we think ment of sorrow. It's unfortunate that in the midst of • Henry J. Lee "Oh, that must be horrible." Anger builds, or sorrow this tragedy, Presidential bids and a divided Congress • Liviu Librescu Aoods, but only for so long. Human nature compels us can use the politics of the situation to create another • G.V. Loganathan to shut out the negative. We feel compassionate only as method of advancing a platform. • Partahi Mamora Halomoan long as we can muster before either disinterest or un­ Perhaps the most heart-warming responses were Lumbantoruan ease allows us to flip to the next story. When we return those on face book-students changing their profile pic­ • Lauren Ashley McCain to rhe news, we return with our emotions spent. tures and creating groups to express sympathy and sup­ It is at this point that we seek understanding. We port. Yet even then, it wasn't long that facebook groups • Daniel Patrick O'Neil want to know exactly how it happened, but even more arose defending video games or the 2nd an1endment. • J. Ortiz-Ortiz so, why it happened. We attempt to find some reason I have plenty to say about this politically- about the • Minai Hiralal Panchal as to explain how such horror is possible. With, in this contentions that it was the fault of video games or im­ • Daniel Alejandro Perez case, the murderer having kille.d himself, we are desper­ migration or liberal professors or inattentive counseling • Erin Nicole Peterson or bad security etc. etc. etc. But before I will ever be ate to find something on which to dump our hatred. We • Michael Steven Pohle,Jr. turn to societal politics. a politician, I will be a human. Long after my profile One group blames Virginia's laws allowing pos­ picture reverts back to me smiling in some goofY way, • Julia Kathleen Pryde session of weapons. If Virginia had tough restrictions, Virginia Tech families will still be left incomplete. My • Mary Karen Read Cho Seur.g-Hui would have never gotten possession. heart pours out to these people. To them, and not to • Reema Joseph Samaha Another group counters that if all students had carried today's politics, this page is dedicated. May God bless • Waleed Mohamed Shaalan guns, the death toll would have been much lower as they them and keep them in these days to come. • • Leslie Geraldine Sherman could have stopped him. Or perhaps immigration is the • Maxine Shelly Turner problem. "Close the borders!" they shout. Cho was, after • Nicole White all, from South Korea originally. Thu month, Bmtditt Voit is a Ho~it. Perhaps it was the video games that have influenced Ducuss thu articlt alllml!.utdallautlu! A M oDEST P ROPOSAL GLOBAL POLITICS II Anti-Choice and Anti-Life 1he Vitriolic Rhetoric of the Abortion Debate

as either pro-choice or pro-life. But wait! Justice Ginsberg criticizes the language determine her life's course, and thus to We all want choices; even though some of the opinion in her dissent. She accuses enjoy equal citizenship stature." don't believe it is reasonable or moral Kennedy of using loaded terms - rather Unfortunately, most people will only to be allowed to make a choice to kill a than medical language - when he writes hear what they want. It is quite doubtful baby. Everyone wants to respect life, even "abortion doctor,""unborn child or baby," that allowing the uncommon method of by molly wurzer though they may believe that women "late-term," and "mere convenience," in­ intact D&E abortions will result in the [email protected] should have the right to decide what to stead of obstetrician-gynecologist, fetus, ethical downfall of society or the moral do with their own bodies, including have second-trimester, and preference. grief of large numbers of women. It is For the first time since I have gotten an abortion. However, she does not escape the equally unlikely that banning rare intact used to the humdrum life in the nation's As I sat and listened to the justices rhetoric either. The dissent adopts the D&E abortions will result in the imme­ Capital, I felt as if I was watching his­ read their opinions, I realized that they, language of the decision in Planned Par­ diate reduction of women's equality in tory announced. When I first arrived in too, have become victims of the powerful enthood v. Casey, when she compares "the society, or even the overturning of Roe Washington, DC, I constantly thought rhetoric surrounding the abortion de­ centrality of 'the decision whether to v. Wade. Since I was present at the an­ about the history of the city: who walked bate.Justice Kennedy's opinion describes bear... a child"'to a "woman's 'dignity and nouncement of the decision, I was forced here before I did, who once stood on the procedure in-depth, making the au­ autonomy,' her 'personhood' and 'destiny,' to listen to both sides. Researching and this spot, who lived in this building one dience cringe at the detailed description. and her 'conception of her place in soci­ listening to both sides of the decision hundred years ago. That feeling quickly He writes in the opinion, "It is self-evi­ ety."' She calls the opinion reflective of will ultimately make you more educated disappeared as I became accustomed to dent that a mother who comes to regret "ancient notions about women's place in and yield stronger arguments. Before working every day as the intern: copy­ her choice to abort must struggle with the family and under the Constitution formulating your opinion on this subject, ing papers, writing briefs, and processing grief more anguished and sorrow more -ideas that have since been discredited." please consider both the dissent and the forms. I often forgot to stop think about profound when she learns, only after the She further states, "Women's 'ability to opinion of the court and create well in­ my unique and incredibly important en­ event, what she once did not know: that realize their full potential' ... is intimate­ formed arguments. • vironment. she allowed a doctor to pierce the skull ly connected to 'their ability to control But here I am, in the courtroom of the and vacuum the fast-developing brain of their reproductive lives'" and "challenges Molly was confused as she wrote this, because Supreme Court of the United States. The her unborn child, a child assuming the to undue restrictions on abortion proce­ it turns out babies do not come from storks. justices file in for oral arguments. Before human form." dures center on a woman's autonomy to Discuss this article at am,P,utdql/qudu! oral arguments, the justices announce any opinions they are releasing today. Little did I know that today would be the announcement of the most controversial decision of the term: Gonzales v. Carhart, which upholds the Partial-Birth Abor­ tion Ban Act of2003. The Act itself bans an infrequent second-semester abortion procedure called intact D&E abortion, which involves intentionally delivering a fetus vaginally, then intentionally termi­ nating the fetus. As I listened to Associate Justice An­ thony M. Kennedy read the opinion of the Court, followed by Associate Justice Euth Bader Ginsberg reading the dis­ sent, I suddenly realized where I was. This decision establishes the first restric­ tions on an actual abortion procedure since Roe v. Wade in 1973. It will result in major debate across the country, spurring both sides of the abortion debate to rally around their separate causes. And I was sitting there, listening to the announce­ ment that would strike deep emotions in the hearts of so many people. The rhetoric of the abortion debate is incredibly divided. Both sides manipulate language to label people with incredibly loaded terms. People classify themselves Protesters. s~Y. wh~t _they really mean. Graphic illustration by L!a!T'. ~koyles 12 S UMMER 2007 • V OLUME 3 •I

jordan youngblood jorlbn.youngblood@lm•dent.utdalla.s.edu The Sounds of Sumr

An m a Collect v e The Clientele & May 26th @ the Granada - $15 May 18th @ Hailey's - $1 0

With d.iummer Panda Bear fresh off his suc­ Existing in a sort of endless time-warp cessful side-project album Pmon Pitch and found­ berween the British Invasion and the 80's ar­ ing member AveyTare finished with his not­ rival of dream pop, the Clientele staked out their quite-as-successful effort Pullhair Ruhq~. Animal claim on hazy summer sunsets with their debut Collective appears to be ready to release their one 7h~ Viold Hotn; cleaned up their sound with the millionth album of the 2000s. It's less hyperbole more accessible follow-up Strang~ G~omdry, and Lhan you'd think; the Collective have averaged at now, with the upcoming God Saw th~ Climtd~. least an album a year since the decade began and appear ready to step out completely into the af­ don't show any signs of slowing down. The band's ternoon sunlight. New songs like "Here Comes mbcturc of tribal rhythms, infectious harmonies, the Phantom" and especially first single "Book­ and fits ofyelling lends itself quite well to the live shop Casanova" reveal a band ready to stretch setting, and with an upcoming date here at the their muscles a bit more, increasing the tempo Granada, you'll have a chance to say goodbye to and brightening the production; they sound like May through the joys of song and (flailing) dance. the natural inheritors to the legacy the Zombies Expect a heavy dose of songs from their most left behind with Odmry and Oracle. recent album Ftels, along with a number of new They'll be bringing their newly energized tracks they'll be roadtesting sound to Hailey's on the 18th of May, which should make an e.xcellent double-bill with Baltiinore natives Beach House. The duo, whose debut last year won raves across the board for its spartan take on downtempo pop, build their n songs around simple rhythms, echoing keyboards, and the wispy vocals of Victoria Legrand; all in all, it's a cant-miss show for cheap.

uee .. h C::r- Era Vulgaris (lnterscope) -June 12th

A few songs have trickle onto the Internet fifth full-length Qyeens second since former b

cessive drug use {whi users like QOTSA, ind· have been eating bricks For local fans of New York's well-dressed favorite sons, this summer stands to simply, they sound like lf; give you all the Interpol you could want. Notorious for being perfectionists on thrown into the world's n stage, expect a long sound-check and relatively short set when the band makes er--which is exactly wh r an appearance at the Palladium Ballroom on May 31, touring in support of their and company have delit upcoming album Our LCfJt to.Admirt. However, if recent shows have been any 1998. No popular rock e indication, Interpol seems to have gotten a little extra fire in their belly; their the chops or the guts of c performance at Coachella showed lead vocalist Paul Banks and company punch­ Homme has rurned into c ing up their old classics (if they don't play ~Obstacle 1," be very surprised) while vocalist along with a hell~r i debuting a set of new songs that hold quite a bit of potential. Pray (or ify ou're a truly fan If their Joy Division-heavy sound never did anything for you in the past, don't sacrince a goat) that theJ!Ou~ expect anything to change. However, if, like me, you find their take on post-punk Dallas soon, but if nor, ~rifl more rban just derivative, you'd be a fool to forego either the show or the album. done right come June 1~ ISUE 8 • A M ODEST P ROPOSAL ARTS & LEISURE

The Wrens July 20 @ Hailey's - $1 2

It's too bad these guys get so little press; then er again, they haven't released an album since 2002's 'Jhe Mtad11'Wiands, which was their first album in 6 years. Qyantity doesn't equal quality thpugh, and you'd be hard-pressed ro find better power­ ouse pop for a cheaper price. Both 'Jhe Mtad11'Wiands and Seacaucus are packed to the brim with catchy melodies, mixed with the world-weariness of getting bumped off record label after label. If they don't play "Built-In Girls," yell until they do.

h e w e p e S p o o n Icky Th ump (Warner Bros.) -June 19th Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (Merge) -July I Oth In terms of unlikely succelis stories, Yes, it might be the worst album tide since the White Stripes have to rank high Sigur Ros's ( Creatiw I},oking Parenthms), ifonly among the most willfully bizarre groups for how anyone is going to talk about it to other to still achieve chart success. From a people. ("Excuse me, can you tell me if GaGa origin story based in incest (now proven Gn Ga Ga is in stock today?") However, since it's to be simply husband and ex-wife) to coming from the best currently existing American a refusal to use any studio equipment independent band, I'm inclined to give it more of made after 1970, Jack and Meg White a chance. It'll be the "Black and White Album." have cut their own path through popu­ Since Britt Daniel figured our how to merge lar music, and it's ro the credit of}ack's his influences with his distinctly minimal style of songwriting--and Meg's, uh, assets-­ songwriting on A Smes of Sneaks, Spoon hasn't that Icky 'Jhump remains one of the most released anything less than a great album: the anticipated albums of the summer. mature pop of Girls Can Tell, the bare-bones So how do the Stripes treat this hooks of Kill the Moonlight, and Gimmt Fiction's chance to return to the chart heights anything-goes experimentation. Their only of"Fell In Love With a Girl"? Simple: official release since then, the two-minute Beatles release as the first single one of the cra­ ROP of"The Book I Write," indicates a shift of ziest singles in recent memory, a mash­ Daniel back toward concision; we'll see if the up between Zeppelin riffs and a synthesizer that sounds like demented bagpipes while Jack e album follows those lines or goes somewhere rap-sings about how"you can't be a pimp and a prostitute too.• If"lckyThump" the song is any totally different. indication of lclt.y 'Jhump the album, we're in for another surreal trip into the White minds.

d s e a d s e May 30th - Price Totally Irrelevant June 9th @ Hailey's - $12

Hailed as everything from the second com­ ing of Bruce Springsteen to ~the only real rock n' roll band in America," the Hold Steady have never aspired to anything more than playing really good music for dancing and getting drunk. As this sounds like the definition of"an awesome summer night," I'd be a fool to not recommend their show on June 9th up at Hailey's in Denton. Lead singer Craig Finn spins Catholic guilt with universal growing pains, building stories around teenagers betting on horses while on drugs and Charlemagne on a road trip; the band responds with power chords and' tinkling pianos. Go with your friends; you'll be hugging them by night's end. ]Qrdon YQungh!O

.. ,.,... ..: ... . lfi~·.: : __, ;:.::: by james fickenscher ' s jx«l360()()@utdallas.edu

Michael Mark's 2701 Custer Pkwy. #700 - Richardson, TX 75080 - Phone; (469 ) 330-0900 If you are looking for a fine Italian dining experience the sub sandwiches come in a variety of selections and are close to campus, you will find it at Trattoria. served with incredible homemade chips. I was impressed Trattoria When you step into Trattoria, you walk into an with the restaurant enough upon first visit, but when I first intimate, relaxed I tali an restaurant reminiscent ofan I tali an bit into a chip, I was sold. countryside, complete with an outdoor fireplace lighted The entrees are also delicious but are also more with aromatic pinon wood and lanterns to illuminate your expensive. The desserts are also a little pricy, but they meal and give a wonderfully relaxing, romantic ambiance. make up for it with delicious flavor. I Service is friendly and prompt, and prompt service for For those of drinking age, Trattoria's menu contains a outdoor, patio seating is an anomaly for most restaurants I wine list that covers the entire back page, and the restaurant I have visited. Even before your food arrives, you are treated also features a full bar. There is no beer on tap, but wine to complementary bread which happens to be delicious complements the food better anyway. and toasted. It is served with a flavorful oil-based dipping The hours are variable; the restaurant is, as adverti sed, sauce. open for lunch and dinner. That means that they will stay Food Tastiness - Superb - 9 The food offered, regardless of what you order, is open as long as needed to serve dinner to people. They Appearance and presentation - Excellent - 8 delicious and satisfYing. They have a nice menu of choices usually close around lOpm, but have stayed open as late as Service - Excellent - 8 including homemade pizza, sub sandwiches, pastas, and 12am or lam, and they even have a permit to remain open Bang for your buck- Qreat- 7 other entrees. until 2am, if necessary. O verall - 8.25 If you choose a pizza, you will receive a delectable, Trattoria is one of the most expensive restaurants I have pizza large enough for two to share, as long as the two covered (or probably will cover), but the food is delicious aren't 200 pound dudes. The tomato sauce featured on the enough to warrant coverage; a meal can cost anywhere Best deal - Pizzas pizzas is delicious and almost a little sweet, and the crust from 7S up to S20. Worst deal -"IGcking it up a notch" is amazing as well. I highly recommend that you visit Trattoria, and if you James's choice - G abriella Pizza Should you decide to go with one ofthe sub sandwiches, bring a special someone to enjoy it with you, then you have you have also made a wise choice. Served on toasted bread, yourself ready for a wonderfully romantic evening.

340 'Coit Road, Ste A - Plano, TX 75075 - Phone: (972) 312-8040 If you want some great Tex-Mex food and don't They also have traditional Tex-Mex food, serving Tin Star mind paying a little extra for it, Tin Star is a great place tasty quesadillas and tacos, and their seasoned sour to visit. From their fire-roasted salsas to their frozen cream is the perfect complement to both. margaritas, T in Star provides quality at fair prices. For more Texan tastes, they also have chicken-fried ]!. . ~ •.! Being a lover of Mexican food, I didn't think I would steak, pork tenderloin, and even grilled salmon. For ~· l like Tin Star when I first visited, but when I tried their you "healthy" people out there, they also have a tasty tomatillo salsa, I was hooked. selection of salads. f The restaurant's decor is fairly simple, greatly Ali the food I have ever gotten at Tin Star has been v ,...... ,,._ ·- -.-.. ~.... s"'__..., resembling a Tex-Mex version of Pei Wei, but it also quite tasty, but my favorite thing isn't even included on ,,. ~.. ,. .; expresses the simplicity and laid back atmosphere of the the menu: their salsas. On your way to your seat, you old Southwest. The service is what you can expect from can grab a basket of fresh, crispy tortilla chips and some Food tastiness - Excellent - 9 any "casual dining" restaurant (mostly self-service). salsa. They have green tomatilio salsa, classic red salsa, Appearance and Presentation - Okay- 5 Workers take your order and bring your food, but that's and even roasted corn salsa. Service- O kay'- 5 all the service really required. The tomatilio salsa is one of my ali-time favorite Bang for your buck- Great- 7 Now let's move on to the good stuff: the food. The salsas. The red salsa is also quite delicious, and the corn Overall-7 specialty dish at Tin Star that distinguishes it from salsa is, well, corn. You can also adorn your dish with other restaurants is their burger tacos. They offer a half cilantro, fresh or pickled jalepenos, and even lemon or patty of beef served on two handmade tortillas. lime, if you so choose. The prices are a little more than Best deal- Free crispy chips and They come in a variety of styles, ranging from normal fast food - S7 for the burger tacos, about SS fire-roasted salsa traditional burger fixings to BBQburger tacos to even or $6 for the other tacos or quesadillas, and even over Worst deal - As with most places, desserts Bleu Cheeseburger tacos. The sauces and flavor of the SlO for some of the other dishes. But as far as I am James's Choice- Bacon Bleu Cheeseburger tacos burger tacos are magnificent. concerned, that is money deliciously welJ spent! • Rooting for the Underdog When their worst might as well be good enough

and triumphs in the end? Every sports movie ever made has been based on this premise. In fact, pretty much every chick flick follows this as well. It really is just more fulfilling to brag by jonathan lane about how you rooted for the underdog [email protected] rather than a favorite. In non-sports terms, imagine if you were the only I have been a Seattle Mariners fan one around who rooted for the sun not for as long as I can remember. Perhaps to rise. Day in and day out, you wait, I pledged my allegiance to that team the outcome you are hoping for never because I liked their colors, or because happening. they inexplicably have a moose for their Of course, you don't mind; you don't mascot. Regardless of the reason, I be­ really expect it to happen anyway. But gan rooting for one of the most hapless if one day the sun doesn't rise, no one Major League Baseball teams around. would ever be able to shut you up for In the thirty years the Mariners have "calling it."Well, unless the sun stopped been in existence, they have made rising altogether. However, at that the playoffs a grand total of only four point, making sure that you are rubbing times. it in enough faces is probably the least On the other hand, my brother fell of your concerns. in love with the Atlanta Braves. I can The happiest that I've ever seen one only assume that sprung from his affin­ of my friends was while watching a ity for the "Tomahawk Chop." Unlike football game on television. He correct­ the Mariners, they've managed to make ly predicted that a team would perform the playoffs 14 out of the last 15 years_ a fake punt, a play that might be called with last year as their only blemish. once every 10 games. He was absolutely giddy when it finally happened, his pre­ Jay Buhner keeps a fi rm grip on his place in Mariners legacy. Photo courtesy of paulmphotography.com dictions for a fake when every team was preparing for a punt aside. ii On the other lose, it's my chance to shine. Although it To be honest, I like it that way. I I'm starting to believe hoping and hand, root for a team wouldn't take much more than casually enjoy the fact that I can get surprised rooting for something whose occur­ mentioning the score to get my brother and excited when my team is doing rence is seemingly impossible is a great that is expected to riled up, I prefer to make it more inter­ well, and I don't think that I'm the strategy to take in all aspects of your lose and the worst esting. Sometimes it's by comparing the only one either. In fact, I think that it life. Whether it's praying that the paper team's playing style to a comatose, para­ actually makes a lot of sense rooting for you wrote five minutes before class will they can do is meet plegic grandmother or simply rattling the underdog. give you a decent grade or crossing your off a list of hockey teams more likely to Mter all, if you root for a team that fingers that your blind date, described your expectations. 11 win the World Series than the Braves. is expected to win, the best they can do only as having a "nice personality," won't That sort of taunting may seem exces­ meet those. expectations. On the other look like the elephant man-you can sive, but I feel that it is my obligation hand, root for a team that is expected to always take solace in the fact that you I get a text message from my brother as an older brother to take him down a lose and the worst they can do is meet were fighting "insurmountable odds" notifying me whenever the Braves win. couple of notches on occasion. your expectations. How can you possi­ regardless of ou

by jonathan coker [email protected]

Dallas is a city built on a rare and beautiful natural resource, the Trinity River. However, while the Trinity once acted as the city's lifeblood, floods and pollution have turned it into a source of shame for residents. If you're anything like myself-an out-of-towner, disconnected from the local news, devilishly handsome-then you might be thinking, "Dallas has a river?" If you're from around here, the words "TrinitY River" probably bring to mind images of current-swept trash, the threat of flooding, and banks strewn with syringes and condoms. A Dallas native might also lament the traffic over the three TXDOT- built interstate bridges that cross the Trinity. All in all, the river has been left to dry, quite literally, by the city of Dallas, which instead has focused its attention and A early model of the proposed Calatrava bridges, part of the Trinity project. Image courtesy of the Trinity River Corridor project money on development in the north. Someone with an eye on the local extensive· park system. Nine years later, .local businesses and grants from the Santiago Calatrava will now be built news, however, might remember a $246 with the incredible speed typical of most federal government and various public as well, replacing the current TXDOT million bond package passed in 1998 government projects, the Trinity River agencies, the Trinity River Corridor bridges which were built with concrete aimed at rejuvenating the Trinity River improvements are only now underway. enhancement has turned into a $1.2 and ugly. area and turning it into Dallas' own Incredibly though, over those nine billion project that promises to supply Now, you're either really excited version of Central Park. Along with years the original vision has expanded Dallas with America's biggest urban right now, or you're saying to yourself, strengthening the levee system along the in scope and resources to a city project park. "Bridges and an equestrian center... fun?" river to ensure that it doesn't overrun its unmatched in the history of the U.S. This will include 150 acres of lakes I'd argue the prospect of epic jousting on banks, the bond package promised an Through private donations, support from with boat launches and a white water suspended bridges is nothing less than rafting channel all directly south of awesome, but either way, keep reading. downtown Dallas. Plans also include In my opinion, this project promises miles of trails and multiple gateway to be the single greatest thing the city ( ( Through private donations, support from parks. Dallas is also acquiring 3500 miles of Dallas has ever done. The economic local businesses, and grants from the federal of land southeast of Dallas to allow for benefits alone will be astounding. A city the preservation and expansion of the doesn't spend a billion dollars without government and various public agencies, the Great Trinity Forest. New bike and the local economy feeling it. That's not to horse trails will be constructed along mention the increase in land value along Trinity River Corridor enhancement has turned with a world class equestrian center. The the banks of the Trinity River. Many into a $1.2 billion project that promises to supply people and bike trails are kept separate business leaders already have plans to to prevent the encounter of hiker foot create extensive boardwalks and to build Dallas with America's biggest urban p ark .~ and horse poo; I'm told this is important. new uptown restaurants and shops in the '' Three signature bridges designed by area around the Trinity. If th~ economic A M ODEST P ROPOSAL SociAL CoMMENTARY I7

in the heart of Dallas. We may soon ( ( Continued voter pressure is required to ensure even be able to spend five minutes in the Info You Should Know river without getting that dirty all over elements of the project aren't cut or reduced. feeling. One of the most important things a concerned Furthermore, the preservation of the • Mayor Laura Miller Great Trinity Forest means there will Phone: (2 14)670-40.54 citizen can do is to learn about the project, keep be thousands upon thousands of acres of natural forest for our children and an eye on its development, and contact city • Trinity River Project grandchildren to enjoy, all a very short Planning and leaders about what's important to them. 11 drive from downtown Dallas. Development So how can you, the average UTD Phone: (214) 671-9500 student, find a way to help out in such an benefit doesn't interest you, perhaps their image will be forever associated important effort? the prospect of a night of eating and with the city. They'll also help to manage You can inquire about ways you can • The Trinity Trust shopping in a beautiful setting does. The traffic in south Dallas, ensuring enhanced help with one of the many organizations Foundatio n river will be the perfect place for a date downtown development doesn't create that seek to continue the momentum built www.thetrinitytrust.org or family excursion. traffic snarls. behind this project. These organizations Phone: (214) 740-1616 The park system, bridges and The environmental impact will also also help to secure public and private [email protected] equestrian ce nter also promise to be immense. The current Trinity River funds for various projects associated with maintain the city's economic boom well channel was built artificially straight; the expansion. Contact the Trinity Trust • The Trinity Commons into the future. The equestrian center the resulting lack of natural meanders or The Trinity Commons Foundation to Foundation will be among the best in the nation and lea~es the river unable to filter and clean inquire about internship opportunities Phone: (214) 3~3-3284 should bring in horse shows and other itself Wedands have also been destroyed or other ways you can help. ;: business from around the world. The park in the past and the general condition of If you happen to have a spare couple • Groundwork Dallas system and river wiiJ become a tourist the Trinity River flood plain is not good. of million dollars sitting around, there attraction in of themselves with the help Until recently the Trinity was deemed are stiiJ naming rights left for a couple www.gro undworkdallas. of the three Calatrava signature bridges; unsafe for any human contact, and even of islands and a bridge. This would be org their presence will bring added business now it's only safe for very limited human a great way to donate the money and Phone: (2 14) 269-5692 to Dallas' many hotels and restaurants. contact. ensure your name is associated with groundworkdallas@ These bridges, built by the world I spent a Saturday morning about Dallas for a long time to come. Using yahoo.com famous Spanish designer/engineer, are to a month back with a volunteer group some of my ample funds, they will be feature 400 foot tall central trusses built removing trash from the river banks. I've installing the Jonathan Coker Memorial with Italian white steel. I don't actually never seen so many tires, chunks ofcarpet, Patch of Gravel late in 2008. know what "Italian white steel" is, other and shards ofg lass in my life.This project You can also spend time with one of Once it's completed, the project will than perhaps a racist sequel to the will build wetlands, plant trees within the the many volunteer organizations that leave Dallas with a pristine park system, Shaqullle O'Neal blockbuster"Steel,"but flood plain, and restore the river's ability spends weekends cleaning up various beautiful bridges, and a new sense it sounds impressive and will look good. to clean itself. These improvements will Trinity River parks. The job is rewarding or pride in Dallas' southern face. The The bridges will be unique to Dallas and create an environmental sanctuary right and it can actually be quite enjoyable to development will give Dallas' downtown spend a Saturday morning in a beautiful a true uptown area. The project might place making it even more beautiful. even do something good for the Groundworks Dallas is a local volunteer environment, along with the minor group which cleans up area parks and has bonus of protecting downtown Dallas recently focused itself on cleaning up the from catastrophic floods. Tri nity River. It is run by good people Ultimately though, it's most important and they will often feed you after a hard that Dallas-area residents take a personal day of work. A hard-earned hot dog is a interest in the future of the city and this tasty hot dog. project, and do something to ensure it Of course, the Trinity River Corridor is executed in its full scope. A simple project is not without its setbacks and phone caiJ to mayor Laura Miller, a controversies. Costs of the project weekend spent cleaning a park, or a have inflated tremendously and some multi-million dollar pledge are all equally sentiments have changed while elections important, except that the multi-million haxe brought in new city leaders since dollar pledge is so much more equally 1998. Continued voter pressure is important than the other rwo things that required to ensure clements of the project I have already forgotten them. aren't cut or reduced. One of the most Reading this article was the first important things a concerned citizen step. Now, armed with knowledge and a can do is to learn about the project, keep momentary surge or constructive energy, ~n eye on its development, and contact put down the Guitar I lero and go out city leaders about what's important to and get something done. • them.The mayor of Dallas and the head

of the Trinity River Corridor Planning jonathan Coker will bt hones/: ifyou hat-v a fouplr and Development department are good million to spare, S(rt-.v the river. Hr it so wry hungrv An artist's rendition of the Oak Cliff floodway. Image court esy of the Tnnoty Rrver Corridor po·oject people to voice your concerns to. Di.mw thu artirle at a.11!fl,l11!l!Ill!!s.edu! I8 ----~l~E~T~T~F~R~S-LI~OL~_T~H~E~E~D~IT~OuR~s~----- 'n response to Page 3 v - in this issue:

As UTD moves forward in our 'Communications Chair Sarha Fraternity were present in support of in a vacuum. We ought always to be quest for Tier 1 status, there will Mavrakis called for accountability for President-elect Manfred Mecoy and open to our fellow students. There is inevitably be growing pains, but our elected representatives - to the she felt they were directing hostility significant value in differing points accompanying them are opportunities. point of removing SG members who towards her, as evidenced by her of view, and I don't question that I believe in the power of Student undergo any possibility of disciplinary blacklisting from their most recent Senators voted as they thought best, Government acting as the student actions, including parking citations party. but this is the time to come together body's voice and representation. Our -and although the riming of her Several Senators expressed the and put aside personal issues. administration listens, and although proposal and her efforts during the opinion that the student body at So 1 want to issue a challenge to this publication has expressed election call into question her motives, large should not be excluded or every one of my fellow students: reservations about their transparency accountability is important. As Senator disenfranchised and a few outright Make your decisions, but own at times - and it is the function of the Mavrak.is pointed out in justifying said Kwong's reasoning was inadequate them. Be aware of the consequences press to hold leadership accountable . the legislation, we have standards for and inappropriate. In the end, however, and the ramifications. Do not lightly -I trust that their intentions are grades and hours - why not behavior? the majority of Senators voted to close spend the precious coin of credibility honorable and that they place value in However, if you interpret our the session. for which our predecessors have the opinions and welfare of students. Constitution as I do, you would see Mter ejecting the last observers, worked so desperately. Continue to be But Student Government makes th~t it already holds a standard for Student Government President proud ofyour excellence. Always look mistakes, too. We represent a diverse conduct: individuals put on disciplinary Basheer Benhalim spoke in his to the future and at the "big picture." and unique group of constituents with probation cannot serve in any capacity prerogative as chair, announcing the We as students are stewards of the competing priorities and goals, but at in Student Government. I agree that reason he thought we needed to go University for the rime we are here our April24 meeting, students were public figures ought to be held to a into Executive Session: to address the and beyond. It is our job to grow its wrongly left out of the equation. A higher standard - and we are. "elephant in the room," the Senate's reputation both in academics and majority of Senators voted to close the Interestingly, Senator Jason leadership for next year. It is Mr. student life, and we all gain by doing meeting to the students we serve, for Stephens also submitted an Benhalirn's opinion that Mecoy is so. Our educational experience is reasons that, frankly, were political. amendment that one is hard-pressed not fit to serve as President. It is my enhanced, and the value of our degrees On April 24, SG had on our agenda to see as anything but specific to the opinion that he is, but the larger increases. several proposed amendments to our situation. Stephens suggested that issue is that legislation should not be I love the energy so many dedicate Constitution. Amendments require we change the line of succession if enacted within such a narrow context. to improving our University. As a three-quarters vote of the entire a President-elect is disqualified to The cited reasons for dosing we all move forward to next year, I membership of the Senate in order to serve from the Vice President-elect the meeting were personal, and the want to offer encouragement to you pass- then the entire student body to the next-highest vote-getter in the real reasons could be interpreted as whether you are involved on campus gets to vote on the proposed change. Presidential elections. hypocritical. The actions of a few or off: keep on dreaming, hoping and All the while, the administration is At the meeting, Academic Affairs undermined all the great work that believing, and keep on acting. involved, and so is the UT System. It's Chair Iris Kwong moved for the Student Government has done this It has been a pleasure and honor to a .pretty weighty matter, and it is meant Senate to go into Executive Session year. We need to move forward from serve alongside you this year. to be complicated so we don't change it - fancy jargon for a closed meeting. that. on a whim in the heat of the moment. Kwong's explanation was that several There is never an issue that Sincerely, An amendment submitted by members of th~ Sigma Alpha Epsilon Student Gove).nment should address Felicity Lenes ..

WE LOVE p

[email protected] amp. utdallas.ed u LETTERS TO THE EDITORS 19 A MooesT P ROPOSAL

Last year, the AMP editors endorsed a candidate for SG vice president and incurred some serious wrath. Our right as a newspaper to endorse candidates was called into question. In fact, some questioned whether we could be called a newspaper at all. At the time, we were not a registered . fA Modest Prqposa/were dumped into student organization, so we could not fill out the requisite paperwork to I remember when cop1e~~ f, ndorsing one candidate over endorse a candidate. Unfortunately, certain candidates were penalized b" b SG can ate or e d garbage ms y an th h 1board or simUar governing bo y because of this misunderstanding. another. I recall that e sc b~:tion could not endorse, officially or In the aftermath of the election, AMP editors met with certain told AMP that a school ?u ffi . the Student Government administrators who forbade us from endorsing a candidate in the future. d" d t runrung for o ce m "b ! not, any can 1 a e did h UTD Mercury take such a li erty They believed that providing students with an informed opinion of the Associati~n. Why, ~en, wh:neonl last year a ruling was made candidates was unfair. In addition, we were required to register as a student in endorsmg a candidate li ychanged why: then, was A organization. against doing so? If the ru nJ;. ~ . s eith:r a f~lish oversight, Since then, SG has changed its election policies and has explicitly allowed p I t infonne . 1S 1 ' . Modest roposa no p has been diligendy bringing to light, or a for campus papers to endorse candidates. It seems that our colleagues at the one of many that AM d . hat is in my opinion, the most Mercury were informed of this change, and we were left in the dark. While deliberate attempt to un erm~ne w ' us What gives? this may have been, as you said, a "deliberate attempt to undermine" AMP, thorough and honest publicauon on camp . Matt Eidson we're giving them the benefit of the doubt. Had we known, we might have taken the liberty of expressing our opinions again this year. Now that we know, you can look forward to thorough coverage of SG elections next year. AMP Editors

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In response to Page 4-5 In response to Why Geology? in this issue: article 7 in the April issue:

"Diatomite! The formation of your thesis was solid! Selecting tlitzer But, what can we do about this?. Ando r · I "Kim you deserve a damn Pl . .D Daniel for his actions. He faUed ~ geology took a lode off your mind ... Not to be taken 10r grarute. also, 1 wouldn't be so quick ~~f~:~;: s ~ith Waterview. I still don't feel th~d Calculus was not a pediment for you!" be transparent in the financ1 . . g . going to be untenable for some a he current S1tuattOn IS -chip off the old block topic is closed , as t financial tensions. . will-continue to create unnec~~~arr a red herring, this is proof th.at ~h~IS And if I may throw out a I o nl . h s it was. This article IS hig ass the newspaper that the mercury o yh~s t~at nobody cares about, like a . . ali.sm and it is not about somet mg In response to Voting tQ Get R~~ of ~emocracy Journ . MIC" Stephen article I 0 in the Apnl tssue. student gettmg an ·

d . these dealings was a keen I like the intent ofyour article - that mass democracy is generally a I'm sure the last thing they susp~t=~d ;:~g answers. (And thanks f. Th ey 're (large productive landowners), not the commoner. Mass voting was not Obviously Utley's actions are lmm~ l' b efit of the University of Texas particularly common in many of the slave-holding territories for a long certai~y demonstrably NOd~ for:ec:~t;ac;~s he in breach of it? Where's time, either. "If this is worde mto e ' at Dallas. d them · As for the IsraeVPalestine issue, I tend to not want to get involved all the law students when we n~e " r~mium" for living on campus 1S at all. H owever, evaluating the situation, it basically boils down to two And this business about paymg a p . provide services to us, not to be ·sides fighting over limited pieces of land and each side believing they simply idiotic. W e're ~aying t~h~~v;r;~~st~o have been able to catch UTD are more deserving and righteous than the other. Saying that you don't a cash cow for some nch guy p ·ally 20 years ago. Ryan like what we normally brand as 'terrorism' is a fallacy resulting from in a tough spot fi nanc1 democracy is erroneous reasoning in my opinion. It is simply a clash of your moral philosophy with theirs. all realize how AMP makes the Mercury loo~ Although I believe in objective inquiry, objective inquiry on its own # This article made me re y . has only a rational basis. There are no moral standards behind it. Plato, l:ke a lOth grade girl's slam book. AMP 1 in fact, did not believe in a pure ideal of objectivity. There is a whole Th nk Ms Allen. Thank you, · Rebecca a you, · section in The Republic that deals •.vith this issue. -Anonymous I 20 p U Z Z L E S ~ ~-=-~J,..,6.&~G....L....L..-A..L..J.M___~___.~_E_S'------­ /. 11Jm- Summer Relaxation

by benedict voit and jessie harpham [email protected] [email protected]

Across Down 1. Results in summer school 1. _-less Engineering 5. User-guided evolutionary 2. An air or atmosphere computer game around someone 10.Adorned 3. Fe 14. Strong against the 4. Needed for a long trip Dollar 5. Represent us on ice 15. Playing on the radio 6. Go after 16. Puerto T Neo, for example 17. NY Yankee 8. Hate 18. Belonging to the Greek 9. Type of exam GodofWar 10. Color worn at Harvard 19. Not your PC 11. Peru's capital 20. 17 across was once with 12. Something with four them tires (two words) 21. Bridge to Nowhere, i.e. 13. Sitting on this by the 22. Summer weather bay 24. Sell hotdogs, ice 23. Men's outwear cream ... company 28. What you do with 24 24. Key ingredient of a across purchases mall 29. A function of ice 25. Silent 33. Improper use of'hung' 35. One in a pair of 26.A giant commonly removed organs 27. A storehouse; Home or 36. "As Good as it Gets" Office, i.e. 29. Large Intestine disorder Last month's puzzle erroneously contained an extra black square rendering the puzzle no 37. Form of differentiation 30. My bologna's first name longer symmetric or perfectly solvable (45 down was blackened). We apologizefor this er­ 38. Certified Nurse 31. Paul McCartney's ror andfor any missed class notes. By the way, check it: http://amp.utdallas.edu Assistant, for one former wife 39.1hree per hockey game 32. __-dot (website) 41. Wandering, hunter­ 34. l71h ofJune is for him gatherers 35. Laying out objective 8 3 6 7 43. An expandable wire 40. Fundamental law of 9 1 3 4 form; a type of Graft physics (AMP. .. always represents) 44. C.E. counterpart 42. Hiding in your closet 46. __ Jones, singer 44. Slug-bug upgrade 4 8 2 47. D esire 45. A trip to the store 49. Like an Ieee 47. Raises bread 6 1 3 2 8 52. To pillage and plunder 48. Disgusting 56. Put this away 49. Protects animals Sud 9 7 1 4 57. Carries the Earth 50. Neighbor of Cambodia 59. Something that can go and Thailand 3 6 5 7 2 flat 51. Old Soviet Union, 60. Sandwich shop, a DC oku minus 'R', plus T 2 3 6 favorite 53. Assistant Difficulty: 61.1he bias of a story 54. Music: get louder (abb.) Political Science 62. Origin of expulsion 55. Superman 4 9 2 5 ' ..~"1..•~ 63. Continent of 50 down 58. Strapping young man li~­ 64. Cuddly bear pt. 5 7 9 8 65. Relaxation A MoDEST PROPOSAL PUZZLES & GAMES 2I 9 2 1 8 3 9 5 Sudoku 3 5 7 7 9 3 1 8 3 7 6 8 3 8 1 7 5 2 4 4 6 1 4 7 9 1 8 9 5 6 8 2 2 8 9 9 1 5 Kakuro 3 4 8 7 6 9

AMP is not responsihle for GPA loss due to obsessive puzzle solving. Ify our professor catches you in a puzzling state, either frown or ask him to join. Discuss these puzzles at amp.utdallas.edu! THE MOST TRUSTED NEWS ONTHEPLANH Z URANUS Summer 2007 THIS IS URANUS!

Kryptonite Real~! The Bees Strike Back! by Jimmy Olsen The scientific community was thrown Workers Struggle for Fair Treatment into chaos with the annom1cement that a mineral with the same chemical formula as All across the coWltry, American Honeybees shake in life, just like anybody else." Kryptonite had been discovered in Serbia. are disappearing. The bees aren't dying, but When asked to comment on the situation, Scientists insist that a new study of the rather are simply flying off the job. Keepers are a spokesperson for the NLRB said: "I have no mineral deposit be canied out immediately perplexed. idea what happened. We get in there and the to analyze the Serbian Kryptonite deposits. Early Monday morning, a spokesman of a bees just start buzzing and boWlcing aroWld "This is top priority," says geologist group calling itself the National Anthophiles the room.lt was really annoying. Besides, these Martin Klaprock. "We need to determine if Union annoWlced that American Honeybees charges are ridiculous; I don't even think the there is a serious risk to the public." are officially on strike. The NAU Cited continual Constitution applies to bees." Comic book experts agree withKlaprock: abuse of workers Wlder the Fair Labor Standards Meanwhile, in order to combat the labor "We need to know what kind of Kryptonite Acts. shortage, President Bush proposed anew guest­ we're dealing with here. Most is harmless "Bees are forced to work long hours in worker program that would allow foreign bees to humans, but if it's Jewel Kryptonite then terrible conditions," said a member. "And by who immigrated illegally to work in American we could face an invasion from the Phantom the end of the day, we barely make enough to hives for up to six years. Immigration reform Zone, or if it's Bizarro Red then it could start feed our colonies." has been a hot topic in Washington lately, and turning the local population into dragons. A list of formal charges has been filed with this new step might prove to be a benchmark in How would they explain that to the media?" the House Committee on Agriculture, and a the legislative process. The Serbian government assures the copy of the list was sent to the National Farmer's In response to the possibility of legalized international community of their ability to Organization, and the National Farmer's Union. bee immigration, angered activists have handle the situation:"Serbia is perfectlyable Congress asked the National Labor coordinated with the vigilante force known as to 1ake care of itself." When asked whether Relations Board to act as a third party between the Minute-Birds in an effort to repel this new any civilians had been turned into dragons, agricultural representatives and the NAU for the wave of illegal immigrations. Serbian officials declined comment. first meeting held last week. When the meeting "Our ancestors didn't settle this land to be IranianpresidentMahmoudAhmadinejad adjourned, the bees immediately held a press pollinated by no foreigners. American flowers annoWlced that Iran ha&acquired the means conference, publicly accusing the NLRB and will be pollinated by Americans," was an official to refine Kryptonite andwill beginproducing the farmers of blatant disregard for their civil statement that drew thWlderous applause at the X-Kryptonite within the next few years. X­ liberties. local chapter meeting. Kryptonite is used to give humans super "The farmers of America have abused the Talk of buying 1000 miles of netting was also powers on par with those of Superman's. rightsofHoneybeesforfartoolong,''commented discussed as a possibility. In light of. these developments, top bee spokes-insect, Terrence Honey-Powderly. Nevertheless, if these disputes cannot be Pentagon officials called a meeting with "And now the federal government refuses to resolved quickly, Americans may soon see a those few experts on Kryptonian science acknowledge our suffering. " sharp decline in honey production that could that could be foWld on such short notice. The Reverend Al Sharpton publicly leave millions of residents without sufficient The general's waited for approximately 45 annoWlced that he would be leading a midnight sweetener for everything from rolls to tea. In ' minutes before being told that the scientists prayer vigil, in support of the bees. Washington, the air is a buzz with rumors about would be unable to make it to the meeting, "We bees aren't greedy," explains union beehive subsidies but President Bush remains as their World ofWarcraft guild was about to activist Agnes Nector. "All we want is a fair Wlavailable for comment. • IW1 Naxxramas. •

• 't ... ~ • Student Union (~) . Do you hear .the interaction was enough to send them fleeing. weren't allowed to eat at the last SG Jneeting. •. .students $g. SU\gtiJ.g a song of ang%y men? It A p~ sent into Jonsson to test for an SG The rebel leader Trotsky Mock spoke of a is the music of a people who will not be slaves presence found the building completely empty bright future filled with hope, justice and seats again! except for a long-lost tribe of Lit majors on the for all in every meeting. Viva La Revolucion! Spurred on by recent fifth floor. The new government is heralded as a voice atrocities committed by Student Government The tribe promised to disclose the location for the students and not a mouthpiece for the rebel elements have seized the first and second of a secret passage into the Student Union (the administration. floors of the McDermott Library. SG stronghold) in exchange for food, water, or T. Mock promised to bring equality to all Armed with their broken dreams of getting a copy of Homer's Odyssey. Unfortunately, the students, to beautify campus, to provide close a job after graduation, afaction of government revolutionaries could only find a copy of Silas parking spots for all, to make textbooks free, majors soundly defeated the librarians by Marner. The party had to do the humane thing to m~e cell phones never go off in. class, to shouting loudly. and leave native culture alone. make the summer less hot, to reduce the The ECS building fell quickly, as well, when The battle for the Student Union will be hard­ distance between Green and the School of rebel leaders approached the local population fought, as the current government may resort Management, and to make everyone get an A of EE majors. Apparently this show of social to throwing all the sandwiches that students in calculus. What a guy. • · WINNING MINDS ONE RENT CHECK AT A TIME Summer 2007 URANUS 3

' Vermont reminds Country that it Yale Adopts still exists

"Well I'll be ..." says Nebraskan Early Rejection RICHARDSON (AMP) - To prove its significance to the American people, "When they suck, waiting only gives them hope," Provost notes Vermont has taken a leadership role amongst the states. The Vermont legislature took a bold step when it declared that, should the other states vote to impeach President Bush, it too would do the same. RJDII''! The AP wires picked up on the story when a news flash indicated something was happening in Vermont. "I didn't think we would run the ·1JQ!D1J story, since we typically try and keep our content national," one small paper reporter claimed. "Oh, you mean that YALE IS place that provides maple syrup?" Newspapers that covered the buzz highlighted the issue at stake,calculated FOR the infinitely small probability that the rest of the States would also impeach Bush, and most importantly provided WINNERS a map of what Vermont looks like, and where exactly it is (older readers may remember Vermont as the state bordering Massachusetts). Yale University's Admissions Board utilizes Uncle Sam in their flyer letter rejecting non-blue-blood students. When told the news of the confirmed by D'Brickashaw Cunnigham Cheney that he should go to college in Wyoming impeachment, President Bush Education Correspondent instead, we get considerably more applicants shrugged it off. than we can possibly accept. Of course, not all "I've known the Canadians have After several months of research, Yale of these applicants really have a chance to be hated me for years. But guess what? University has finally released their answer to accepted in the first place, so we feel it's best to Joke's on them. They don't got a vote," Harvard University's ground-breaking decision not get their hopes up," one committee member he chuckled. to do away with early admissions: early rejection. was overheard saying. When informed that Vermont does Harvard, Yale's rival in everything from Through intense investigative reporting in fact get votes, as it is in fact one of academics to "Super Sloppy Double Dare," has -we know a high school senior with a 1.43 GPA the 50 states in the Union, Bush leaned received nothing but praise for abandoning early - we were able to acquire the form letter that the over and whispered into Cheney's ear. admissions. Educators believe it gives students the university now sends to each of the early rejects: After a slow nod, Bush looked opportunity to make a decision from a variety of "Dear sir and/or madam, up, chuckled, and noted "Well, this options, and students believe an extra few months We at Yale take great pride in selecting the best just means they've got freedom. to fill out the 12 page applications is awesome. and brightest from across the globe to join us in our And freedom allows them to have Feeling overshadowed by the amount of exciting education opportunities. Thus, we must democracy. Sometimes I don't agree attention that Harvard has been receiving, Yale maintain our image as a prestigious university. with the outcomes of elections, but that created a committee to discover an admissions It is because of that reputation that we wanted to doesn't mean I don't love freedom." tactic that would be even more lauded. Despite immediately inform you of our decision that you Cheney condemned the actions many setbacks, mostly having to do with one are not Yale material. Please do not go around of Vermont as 'partisan' and committee member's unhealthy obsession with telling people that you may attend our university in 'irresponsible,' adding that " ... if chinchillas, the committee carne up with a plan the future, as there is a greater chance that Britney Vermont was worthy of my time, I might that would make Harvard's decision look like, as Spears will be our university's next president. This go up there and tell them how I really they put it, a "drunk baby babbling." letter will also serve as notification that your email feel. [inaudible grunt] It's not." Their plan involves not simply removing accounts have been blocked from our servers and As a response, Vermont has doubled early admissions, but implementing .a policy to any paper mail we receive from you will be burned its Public Relations effort to attract new notify unqualified applicants of their rejection upon arrival. H you attempt to visit the campus, you tourists and vacationers: "Hey, we're immediately. will be fon:ibly exported to Zaire. beating Wyoming!" "Montpelier: 8,000 "Naturally, being the university that not only Cordially, and growing!" and "Really, Thank YOU graduated Lewis Black but convinced Dick Yale Admissions" • for Smoking." •