astic from and arry abed March 30 1976 Voume No 18 were ams ite Council announces Leres John Linnell underi the tweIvehour Big goes will thIy courses nder By Elaine Maiperson By Lotsa Morals

The Graduate Council has an- the full time to explore all Dr John Linnell Dean of the new schedule for 300 and ramifications of an idea College recently announced his %el to into effect at courses go Mr Stewart registrar com intentions to aid Dr Edward Gates College in the fall of 1976 President of the in his at- mented Im excited about the way College ath course will be offered once to Beavers the new plan opens up the schedule tempt improve security for of twelve single period We will certainly have fewer con system Beaver security is from to This flicts next year Fhe graduate average just average merely will the to plan help college students like to consolidate then average Dean Linnell commented efficient of more use But we have to take look at what class time by making fewer trips to assroom space and of faculty time we arc and where were and the campus The new schedule will going Under the new instructors make system attract more graduate students As decision based upon how it

II be able to teach at least four will affect the see it the only problem will be the entire College corn- aduate courses over and above weathcr One snow closing will munity Lr normal load of three un block out month of classes Dean Linnell has de ided that yrgrduat courses Now well be radically hargrg Bcavcr Litsa Marlos senior English to teach seven courses each security would not be sise move major denied that the new schedule tercmmentedDr Belcher It would be better idea to sit back would inconvenience undergraduate ass stant ofessor of history Ive and observe first before completely majors who must also sign for 300 Dean John thought that the Beaver revising the security system he smiling Big Linnell models the tching uard garb in level courses Heck no said ---y uas underworked said which he will appear when he goes undei ground to inliltrate the Litsa The new schedule is ideal for Liniill is sith selcome the opportunity to teach all Its like an Ibsen play he security system pliasd ie iinae lie will be who has ever worked anyone on the think black leather makes it since usually just wasted the continued where problems arise projecting jakt dean dtaii Big Beaver News Anyway we might as John maintained sleeping or wondering about because people are too willing too well to dass at that Honor go night so we and students will not be to ode anyway quick to change permitted rcg table situatIon he can study the when Dr during day the enter leave the dorms after 10 Klokars assistant professor Since big changes require months or said But don quote me on thaL dorms are quiet also endorsed the who sac ology new of research and committee meetings prn except philosophy majors ontinuing education student Dan Nick La Sorsa The twelve-hour time block thrector of the Dean Linnell has instituted some will not be permitted to leave at all Markgiaf who hd n4 wish be thc lecturer chance dining has to serve he said ygives to service agreed slight temporary measures The identified as such was concerned by In order to better the to his subject Serious midnight supper by candlelight each guards will be armed the campus investigate Dean Linnell plans to go un will understand how to mght in the room security system Ien Linnell has use dining will be surrouncledby barbed wire dercover hope don run into decided to go undercover posing as him on one of nighty parking Beaver security guard irn my escapades Dan said tver plans tasteful Bicentennial celebration concerned that my youth will give dont me away he frowned but Aridreu Muller Director of Plant anticipate too many problems ith Opcrations is agreeable to the idea the disguise WcIl treat thnny just like anyone

Dr Gates was available for else hc aid just hope that he

comment on the security problem has sticke on his ar Hearst and Evert team up Beaver hosts dynamic duo

Ch rissy Patty

By Jim ant By Rupert Allspits

Sports Junkies The astounding The Beaver News interviews new

rumor is now an official truth Conti luing Ed student Patty

Through special collabora ion larna Hearst about her em- between Tennis team coach Mrs barkink on mew voyage that of Betty Weiss and admissions Beaver ollege student

Iirector Robert Bergin young News Miss Heart what made

tennis superstar hI IS Evert will you come to Beaver College

entering Beaver College in thc all Well Mumsy and decided semester of 1976 Word has been on Glensick becaus of the lovely

passed around by Beavrs scenery wonderful faculty and the Dr Edward Gates after his haircut before the mon umentous meeting with Betty Ford and Henry Kissinger The three LaCrosse Hockey Skiing Irack lack of action executives discussed the possibility of establishing Beaver as the Bicentennial capital of the world Swimming Scuba Diving Mod News Oh Well Ms Hearsh what Herald Beicher By em Dance Dust Skating Air are your goals at Beaver9 Hockey History of Lloyd Bridges Ummmm to stay out of ou re probably wondering how Mr Abernethy Painting red begin by converting all department 117 Ping Pong Fossil Chewmg and trouble Oh Im jesting really Just mer College is going to celebrate white and blue picture Thats not heads to chairamericans Turf Building coach Ms Linda little ha ha When was back home Amcricas Bicentennial And youre the main reason Bill It is simply Dr Maimon wearing red white Detra that Ms Evert will ii ost at Berkeley was an Art major and that other bably thinking that after no institution is so and blue NOW button rhank likely snag No single position on soud P1 to pick up some of the tonnial beer cans and bicen deserving of the honor We are the Heaven Secretly Ive grown pretty Beavers prestigious Tennis team threads though won major in it toilet seats all of the good aihAmerican college the home of tired of chairone Ms Pat Smith immediately an News Miss Hearse how about have already been ap the free and the brave We routinely Dr Cameron lying on red nounced that the back portion ol your lodgings how do you intend to oriated by creative American offer our students life and white and blue couch Youre liberty Heinz live Lobby will be converted to on campus Well youre wrong After and God knows that they pursue right John Work must begin im dorm room to accommodate Ms 11 Mumsey told me not to ughtful study tasteful as au inalienable on curriculum program happiness right mediately revision Evert and possible roommate in give my telephone number to orked out by the Beaver We can supplement our new Dr Kiockars redesigning his the likes of Ms Patty Hearst strangers and to double lock all the arican Bicentennial department in Shirley Temple book jacket in red white and blue it is important to note that ills dooi of Nationalists Studies rganizat on with another management Evert included Besides what could be better special Iequest News But are you going to live on 8BOON At great personal risk course in Corporate Bribing symbol of America than college along with her application br the campus Schorr and secreted the Techniques and of named Beaver plowing resurfacing parkmg Oh only if they let me keep out of the final Dr wing transcript Berrigan draped in an lots No and No Sh Mrs Buttel marking red all over rec my Pearl handled 38 on odd in the American appropriately flag A1ong that same commended the former the white pages of blue examination smacking News Your only joking arent the George Motel am to offer Washington line ready course in lots with the fashionable llartrue books And the students are pure you Patriotism 101 to show that even write surface Mr Andrew Muller vas Im rates smoking red white American They Oh yes only joking criticism of American leaders is Americanese quoted as saying These requcsts will live on and blue pipe It is all settled Really campus destructive and also not nice are just barely beyond our budget abide all the rules not Beaver will become the official Mr James Lets by promise see 50000 Mr James Lets see the intend to snake ennia1 an attempt at to have any male visitors two College and we will the past guests presidcnt senators the Bicentennial burger at the Chat satisfying Ms Everts not to alcoholic President Ford to move the meager and have any press Why we could make $100000 should cost at least $7 50 requests by to paint the net or in nal fourth of July celebration vowing beverages dangerous drugs my on parking violations from the his moustache press Dr Rose who dyed on our two posts currently existing room wont even tin- Independence Hall to our alone hang my red white and blue And we are courts in red white and blue decoi out of pus derwear my windows the final touches Dean Linnell putting on our to coordinate her arrival with the Bi drawing red white News Miss Herst what type of Bicentennial biology course Ir Jiime seeing red white and and blue lines on an organizational entennial extra-curricular activities are you personally am collecting the dolldi signs stroke of chart Good but we will have to Ms Limida Detra expresses ncr looking forward to participating in

It will and specimens we will study white that the attract people make some structural changes to hopes school will once again Oh playing tennis with my mice blue herons and red blooded in students It will solve our convince them that we are in effect regain an unbreakable on the grip new room mate Chrissy Ev putting Continued icial problems the Bicentennial College We could on Page ol competitive Glenside sports scene Continued on Page ol BEAVER CLEAVER Tuesday March 30 197 Page Two Marilynn Thurhils beaver cleaver Beaver Posture Queen EDITORIAL BOARD Posture Queen

Fditor4n chief Lotsa Morals Final Judging News editor Nora Endowed Feature editor Blobb Alispits Ends Successful Staff Jim Cant Dam Larklaugh Leslie Wiseone Paula Orumah Michele Gorgeus JP Starchy Michele Mcgoldbrick Posture Week Ajax Namdlog YelIinflk Correspondents Herald Belcher Stormin Strong as the tr straight as thats the Beaver Norman Hellion Butts Elaine Maiperson the arrow college Posture Queen for 1941 Out of nineteen contestants nom- The Beaver Cleaver is bicentennial publication by mated from each dormitory by se Thurin and for Beaver Cleavers published by Jerry cret ballot Marilynn 41 Towers was Mathers It does not necessarily infect the opinion Grey represantative unanimously selected by the three of the College or student body judges to be the girl with the most

beautiful carriage and posture in

the college Girls receiving honor able mention in the contest were Margaret Young 44 Chrystella I11er3 10 IhC editor Wade 42 June Pizor 44 and Anita 1orlaa/ia Tuvin 42 Emphasis on posture week has proved tremendous success It 10 Jcar3 J40 achieves it purpose not by straight Dear Editor ening the shoulders md lifting the June 1881 editorial in the College Messenger Thurin head of every smne phI but by Marilyrin wanna complain about that Bubb Ulispits the guy Beaver the editors the antecedent of the News expressed making each girl conscious of who complained about our cafeteria He really downed belief that man would not always be superior to importance of pm od posture by giv one from the college gioup is Nick Lasausers cookins prosezure Youre not even weeks worth of best the ideal for whi woman hut that some day women might even be given ing suggestion represents too militunt and too and resident youre disagreeable for mprovcment ar by selectini each girl should aim the right to vote The student wrote already the worst of all continuing Ed woman has always had the rule in day is dawning Feb You dont have to eat it think the food is very good it Reprinted from Beaver News 14 104 private and now the time has arrived for her to assert tastes like home the food at home mean Nick herself in public Lasauser cooks like weer his family like Itallyan Now 84 years later having accepted and rejected cooking it tastes like home you go home Bubb Ulispits Leave it to Beaver the idea of the education of men Beaver College dont like you one little bit Why dont you just go to remains dedicated to womens needs for higher By Pam Ilardlaugh Heliword Johnston education and .societs need for educated women S.B

BS ii Knievel Award Gary Neger Muhammed All Award Carl Klockars 25 ear3 4o Earl Butz Open Mouth Insert Foot Award John Linnell Mrs Olson Awmrd Ellen Landau Perhaps the present system is not the cotdn cjotaman Mary llartman Mary Hartman Award Pat Smith of the of the students If not ideal majority Morris the Cat Award Steve Dear Editor Advertising Ellyson lets change it But lets decide first that Richard Nixon Stonewall Award Edward Gates am extremely oppressed and nauseated by the the honor code of the majority must prevail Wilbur Mills Award John Berrigan persistent letters to the editor by that nauseous Jack Speed Racer Award Beaver Security Force If it is the reporting system that the Goldman who persistently complains about the nature Pope Paul Abstinence Award Jack Goldman or of the of Dr majority objects to then lets change the gestalt constantly printed picture Howard Cosell Award Lindsey Rothschild Beicher which persistently in hut lets realize that the appears your newspaper reporting stcm Dorothy Hamill Skating on Thin Ice Award Litsa Marlos which personally makes my guts convulse nauseously honor code of group is not changed by No-Doz Award Beaver News So must persistently request that you would please be Krass Brothers Hack off the Rack Awai Sheldon Myers changing the mechanics of day system kind enough to annihilate Goldman or at least have him David McCallum Invisible Man Award Roger Blanken bodily removed from our Beaver campus Efrem Zimbalist Jr Award Dan Markgraf Jim Kahn was Teenage Werewolf Award Bob Walton 30 ifca rJ William -Buckley Award Thomas Harding

We have two friends which is not in itself e/h1 Sister Bertrille Award Lisa Morelli Zoo Award 3rd West Heinz and Kistler but these two friends pre Philadelphia terrAbly unusual Dear Editor Bugs Bunny Award Gigi Anders sented an interesting paradox to us the other the find it absolutely revolting to be existing on Heinz Ketchup Award Sheryl Forman from with that jour day One has just graduated promi same galactic sphere urinal-quality Bella Abzug Award Sandy Wachsman he is nalist named Robb Auspitz Although Flyers nent college with bachelor of arts degree William The Czar Simon Award William James he maintains meticulous upkeep on fan incessantly Evert Award Joe Archie the other recently emerged from public Chrissy From cafeteria all of his dirtball writing techniques Donna Summers Award Michelle Mc Goldrick in commer high school carrying diploma to basketball this pen squeezer is critiques botch-ups Woody Allen Acting Award Jim Kahn cial Both girls attempted to get word and the entire 3rd floor subjects real half -literate junkie Hunchback of Notre Dame Award Robh \uspitz from it of Dilworth demand his immediate ejaculation positions as they were finding necessary Betty Boop Award Jeannine McGoldrick the diamond-studded ink-stained Beaver News Staff to support themselves in one way or an Brenda Starr Award Nora ODowd Jim Kahn Michael Doonesbury Award Jack Goldman other Our college friend is now beginning onnors Award Rachel and Allison erlizzi she Jimmy Bogatin her fourth week of job-hunting it seems Kate Smith Award Kathy Hurley has confess sad neglect in the art of to Dear Editor Peter Bogdanovich Award Charlie Murphy typewriting Our other friend is beginning How the hell can neurotic insecure half-student like Cher Bono Look Alike Award Robin Young

her fourth week in secretarial position of Dan Markgraf spurt out of nowhere Continuing Ed Mama Lass Look Alike Award Rose Carol Murr status and vehemently attack the diligent security Holier than ihou Award God Squad prominent firm which starts its secretaries system on Beavers firmly fortified campus happen Paul Revere Award Lisa Robertson generously enough at $35 week to know Dan personally and although he provides Betsy Ross Award Sue Bossard and Rose Caporetti hour is it that is given Which typing passing chuckle cannot ignore my extreme Wolfman Jack Award Lenny Balk pissedness resulting from all of his vulgar radically The Just Average Award Beaver College inclined aspirations Remove him Remove him lest Tappa Keg Day Award Beaverette Faction Poli Sci unsheathes 40 lJcarJ this vagabond reject once again Willard Award Beth Marasco his saber and dices up the prominent fortifications of Ed McMahon Award Bob Walton Hers To our proud and humbly secure campus Lets see that twit split Perfect May Day Jim Kahn Markgraf did not faggot on Beavers stage Kahn beg your pardon play Tomorrows fete is an all-college pro played with faggots on Beavers stage was thrilled to be referred Im not much for that aristocratic language crap for the first time in many apathetic What have done to further culture on Beavers campus duction probably but do know that am not neurotic insecure half you fate twit Statistics that 500 girls for your split you May Day prove student pay my money just like you do Just Im out of the few more than 600 students in because youre full-time and Continuing Ed doesnt make you the Pope At least Im concerned the college are helping in some way large Kahn to raise hell about the so-called security enough Off Toilet face or small to make May Day hunger my case dont see you doing anything except swing that damn and it will be hhnger tennis racket or play faggot on stage You know sooner or later youre going to have to Markgraf Beware lest skewer thine sewer Heres to perfect May Dayperfect leave this secure place and go out into the real weather perfect music perfect pantomime world then what are you going to do when someone perfect singing and perfect dancing May tries to rape you Do me favor dont cry help Kahn and Markgraf

because else is as insults outta mah the 1939 festival become an extremely prec everyone just as apathetic you Get all these jive honky paper Dan Markgraf ious memory 1976 BEAVER CLEAVER Tuesday March 30 1976

ws snorts How to catch Jewish doctor

IIo\ to Jwuh Ioetor pig greasrng and grape stamping name engraved in gilt letters

1l ti pic of seven part The team will play in all hame subscription to the Pat Smith sp ord by hillel Fhe matches under the spanking new Newsletter which keeps you up to

11 lii st of Geodesic astra turf will date all .fld ogir tI Nisan Dome The on Pats activities Pat

..16atbp ilib illowedbya not deter the teams anticipated Smith tee shirt featuring Pepper in Ilahnemann and on the back and lifetime iHi ixr prowess Misty iid Schoo Dr Gates explained the addition membership in the prestigious Silv the ordinator feel its time to bring sports of an organization Membership will he uinar prcsident of aesthetic quality to Beaver Fur count for distribution requirement

is sti u1ly looking thermore students should not be credit said Dean Linnell on new

ct.sa 111 ar When asked sheltered from the realities of life decision reached by Ed Policy

ut vciit she corn And firmly believe we need world The National Pat Smith Fan Club 1.i tid it ris th only way peace He smilingly asserted that will fund all the activities to Beaver groups get 1irry bringing mumbletypeg to and be instrumental in erecting ish will solve all these problems in life size statue of Pat to adorn the 1n tli moni dlways told addition to many more Pat Smith Memorial Building Ii you iiito formerly known as Bayer Hall ieiig Ow gui thcr

..

tv ii to riarry afternoon is Dog day In spite of all thq hoopla Pat or it irulation still the smiling bubbling girl next becoi By Nora Endowed III door we all know and love even nor 10 irnily tht After peaceful demonstration though she has taken over Dr Gates rac ii nold nid led by Pepper Smith Dr Edward office Pat denied rumors that she Gd ill younlarlyinga Gates president of the College would participate in the Presidential named committee to look into the race If nominated shall not run 1ghn demands of the group andifelected shall not serve she Ma hal will be ic Pepper was adament in stating the demurely deferred sited fti liscu ion groups grievances Growl he said ruff rufL He went on to

explain that there is lack of fire Out of Coset hydrants no canine representation Beaver has always had liberal arts and abundance of ii illog in SG an cafeteria fare faintly resembling tic GO iesic distant relatives clrnit dto Backed by several discontented think it CtCLd Id And we we have bad comrades Pepper began walking II Ci flying back and forth in front of the flO if Castle The following regulations are excerpted from the do they visit physicians or dentists offices un growling We Shall Overcome The l9291930 Beaver Handbook This includes attendance ot of Iii College chaperoned upon em ii today demonstration was well attended by GENERAL REGULATIONS tertainments into at 10th till Imfl to ye with city night Beaver campus canines all There shall be no unnecessary noise in the All students may go walking in groups of two or wil ar iys he is fashionably attired in basic fur residences or reception halls during quiet hours from more to Jenkintown from AM to PM on week- ci III rid hops Dr Gates refused to speak to the 45-1000 quiet all Quiet and Signing out and in is required each time at your It dll st lfl his light p.m Sunday day days at first delegation However Pep dignified conduct is expected at all times Quiet hour Social Office denti CC lking slowly take pers eloquent threats to over bell is at 45 at which time is Students automobiling under of Ii alIll I1 deirn rung everyone required may go chaperonage his office broadcast with bullhorn with of the Social Directress for the to stay out of the halls Faculty permission forced him to reconsider When All telegrams are sent and received by the Social iTluflibI hI Nads If student finds it impossible to be on campus by barked like that knew he Directresses ast 1115 Pepper 11 11 foi thC at she shall telephone her Social Directress and on meant business said Dr Gates in the nature of will noon rc at HAZING or anything hazing her arrival report to her Social Directress He not revolutionary to sneeze NOT be permitted Students may not go unchaperoned without per- at DECORUM mission to friends unless such friends are registered ives1 After conferring with Pepper for suits must be covered smocks Mumbkity peg Gymnasium by on the books of her Social Directress and approved than Gates more an hour Dr when worn in dining room or in the lobby or when ByNoral rdwed going Parties of less than four must not take long walks decided to appoint committee to to or from Education activities Physical unchaperoned Registration must be made with their In SC he Athletic surpr consider the the dogs problems Students desiring to study after room lights are out Social Office sociation ii need the in- to his attention brought never have the privilege in the rooms provided but must tution of Ihe cavcr Students must not go off the on Sunday College realized the discrimination that campus is so preserve the utmost quiet when returning to room and Ihc tram will afternoon unless with special permission Special nblety Pe this he said rampant on campus retiring These special study rooms will be supervised permission will he granted to the student body for Lrticipate collegiate ordered Lassie and Rin Tin Weve by Proctor until later hour each night in order that ics with the walking on Sunday afternoon ty-peg Fin reruns as and beginning hope students who wish to study may do so Absolute quiet is ncr and ta the new All students are required to return to the College to meet some more of Peppers demanded from weekends and elsewhere on 725 lety peg Ia yet un Sunday by P.M demands Students must not dance extreme dances No man shall be taken to the dormitory floors by Pepper was pleased with the Students must be fully dressed when on the main Elle IL ar is thrilled students- the only exception being father Social outcome of the protest Grrrrowl floor Dishabille is not permitted in the corridors Office must be e....prospe.t campus notified of parents visits he remarked baring teeth in Robes must be

.. worn ti It peg really Students receive callers on and triumphant grin He indicated the There must be no tipping of maids dining room or may Friday ..hhe just glad it from 8-10 30 and next project the dogs would un hall Saturday evenings Sunday for dinner ii.bef It kind ic traduate and from 2-430 if they have filed written dertake would be conference with There must be no running in the halls to ais lierc seem from with Social Nick LaSorsa to discuss menu SOCIAL REGULATIONS permission parents or guardian want Milkbones Directress changes We student who wishes to leave the College to be ty.pC crnbourgs SMOKING IS ABSOLUTELY PROHIBITED the rest of the demonstrators absent for one meal or more obtains permission from pas rapidly Anyone violating this rule will be dealt with severely growled her Social Directress before leaving and reports upon .a pai Lane many her return SUGGESTIONS fact it fast Smith hits the fan Permission for callers excursions or weekends Calling out of the windows is annoying and un VC popular ty of away is not given unless the student presents request necessary and strictly against students rules Tne Student Progrdm Boaid or approva from parent or guardian Learn your college songs proudly announced the founding of Students do not leave the campus after dinner Hats should be worn to Jenkintown and Glenside in the Pat Smith Fan Club to the without chaperone except as hereafter provided nor the evening ftrnen Castle Press Secretary The an nouncement was met with resounding checrs that echoed EXPERT TYPIST Specialist 9EDICAL Did you know that REAL ADVERTISEMENT throughout the Castle on theses dissertations doc newspapers do this when they do Senior Dance Saturday April all in torates term CENJER Membership is open to or papers Fifty not have anything else to say 3rd Contact Vanessa Anthony or terested students with grade point cents per page double spaced Did Lois for details \.. you Weingart average of 00025 or above The researth asristance specia1ty small fee of $25 00 will get you Pat Excellent on spelling phrasing simpi Smith bumper sticker an by 10 and punetuation Electric Al- rred to candul glossy of Pat with her lan Older 184 West Chelten Sturgeon deadline ampus9 with Pats menagerie toothpick ham Avo Philadelphia Pa Abortion Seniors are reminded that Monday April 1976 is the deadline -j Are you interested in modern 19120 WA 4-1752 for applications for the William Memorial Facility Sturgeon Award $500 Os dance scholarship annually awarded to the senior who shows the most Pi egnancy Come to 1st Class FREE ti irnester abortions promise for distinction in graduate study __os rng First per- taught by Karen Radler lormed in an out-patient mcdi- Seniors interested in this award may obtain directions for Markgraf Greenfield Thurs April 330 Regulation cal ility Services include filing an application along with recommendation blanks from Mrs pm Mirror Room The Castle jtrol pri CL termination coun Landaus office Please rerncrnber that this year the recommenda Wear leotards tights or loose from the SC liii rrals and free hon the faculty membca you contact must be done on comfortable clothes Series will preg nancy tC.stinc For additional special form provided begin Thurs April same infc rmation contact Womens Completed applications are sent to The Committee on Honors time same place For more 265-1880 Chairman tic aith SC vb Inc You Jack Da\ is information contact Linda Detra es may Beaver College Paid ad call colicet 412 562-1910 aesday BEAVER CLEAVER Page Tuesday March 30 1976 Beaver Chauhan cha lien Grim gruesome grades banished by Champ By Hellion Butt8 Aus audacious arroganc and security brings excessive Dionysian The Beaver College faculty at partying drinking that He further elaborated on session On March 23 voted problems and had concluded responses special our pasi free of resolution this would definitely NOT he the Dr Millers view that students unanimous approval Tie and ci case The students he said of the need to struggle for grades to abolish grades in all courses and American release from would work because of genuine to issue transcripts which list credits drink and party as .e setting in their and new not anxiety about their academic interest studies but grades novative of would replace The vote followed an analysis by work spirit cooperation Ce high Miller At this point in the meeting Dr competition love and brotherhood Professors Carr Hall and of nsive of Breyer introduced film made by would be reborn on the Beaver their exhaustive three-year study hange the of St the effects of on the student as an independent Winterim campus Echoing Gospel grading psyches ng to conducted with project and submitted to Dr Breyer John Dr Breyer concluded give of Beaver students anging from the of on Feb 10 without prior request for you new commandment Love one $300000 grant Dept ku1ty corn the anotherthe unanimous Education and Welfare all evaluation didnt even know faculty Health we in th she in favor of the Resolution left little doubt that student he said but con vote three felt that it nts aboul have adverse effect on the vinced me she needed Winterim followed grades an riences credit in order to in June Adhering to the new Affirmative majority of Beaver students graduate obviou this film Action that student It to be classic case and when she showed me ruling requires proved ng abot that it crucial of all votes on said Dr of the of saw immediately was approval faculty Carr Dept couragc of evidence for our study while she matters affecting student life the Psychology like every rat study .at that sale to local has now forwarded the the same kind the study showed that intended it for porn faculty insequent when student the distributor as well as hoping for Resolution to the Student Senate regularly presses cided to offers after where it is to receive the wrong lever so to speak by doing Winterim credit it proof unlikely bmmate electric from our own Beaver College support the faculty gave it poor work and receives the proof strong .rks in said instead of the dorm toilets showers and We can see their one shock of low grades rooms game ucation he that extreme academic student Theyre just too lazy to desired reward of good meal or lounges Lfter calh Said she becomes melancholy antisocial stress leads to excessive partying give grades another What ice and and Conversely the deviance drinking and drug use about the students who get As unproductive narnepla As and same student doing the same and other bizarre forms of They never tested me get Pratt love Complained third quality of work but free of fear of escapism grades CHER of the didnt Dr Carr put some pressing the wrong metaphorical After the faculty viewing Why abited confident of one Harold Stewart Chairman students in the rat cages instead of known around as lever and receiving film Mr hduhan affectionately campus red pict students and lower Thats of the no of Mr LaSorsas great dinners of the Winterim Committee corm only stands fast in the face of adversity exhibiting one Ed and with scientists and mented on its excellent quality the trouble they in his of wboe remains cheerful social stances repetoire pugilistic fulgence hauhan ively its at least as always forget the human element in lethal productive Many agreed good prowess has been registered 27 states as weapon hones in its better than isnt made of statistical average AUs and Dr Miller Chairman of the and many scenes challenge Muhammed heavyweight boxing oratory ty an of told the Ive seen at the Department Education anything ever By Nora Endowed Liter the faculty that the evidence from his Walton Art observed Jack Davis dost odIe Dr Pradyuma Champ However the rivalry betv ph of Chairman of the Art S1ace complex longitudinal survey Department Muham naw in Chauhan associate professor of Champ Chauhan and Beaver student attitudes toward think weve got fine career em to Ah ii English will challenge Muhammed Mi goes hack long way seven he added its right in grading begun informally phasis here Au was Cassius Clay enrolled iur pla3 Mi prizefighter in Murphy Gyrm the of and its years before the HEW grant came new spirit Winterim vii Servic nasium Arena in the not too distant Chauhans freshman English him that chance for Beaver College to through had convinced great classmal iled sorn future Howard Cosell will officiate Percy Dovetonsils will be in on the floor of the Beaver campus get ground rcalls the ircident ceined Although the date has not yet been Clay once these obsolete burgeoning new industry To this happier place hit Nashingt set both contenders are in strict startling darity Hc Unafraid of end Edward Gates President of grading practices cease Dr for further is in Pressed iyone Ad Hoc training Champ busily engaged failure students will do more work the College appointed an Exp rugged routine of diet and exercise Dovetonsils elaborated It wa and for the right reason the joy of committee to do feasibility study manistic best of it the war for the big event Im engaged in times was the work itselL beginning with finding out from rr the rugged routine of diet and exercise times .Cassius refused to In to anxious questions student the names of local porn iation response Great it for the big event said Dr Chauhan atsby declaring from Dean Linnell Dr Arthur distributors since he fats Wd II th in press conference last week erroneous Dr then concluded for the Breyer Chairman of the Depart Breyer Chauhan OIi flues Muhammed All is also working out greatest Dr committee that their and ment of Chemistry Physics prolonged and rti tica tier the greatest he said argue the point Clay resi had convinced am responded that the committee had expensive testing bout Champs trainercoach Helen with his fist rendaring the them that failure brings low self indeed considered possibility ther vas cn Beast Buttel was asked about the speechless From would lead to more esteem and academic stress that this policy to and upcoming match Under sharp never saw eye ey will ained questioning Beast revealed that This ancient conflict irk to at secret rite Champ wears Keds and that his and for all ended in thc Fight Beaverette Faction unmasked First sche tainly favorite dessert is tapioca Its Century thoug ridiculous to speculate at this Madison Square Garden itted di point Beast continued Lets was then moved to the med out move over there However that Boxing Ring located in the uation Memnr al Wni point proved equally disad Uniersity edits gra vantageous for speculation and Murphy Gymnasium How rd eLir1y th beast refrained from further explains the change While dyed in comment York is rather rari as Champ paused from the rigors metropolis to the mul it ii iner of training to outline his strategy who will want to witnes

.1 IfliS shall confuse and confound him with panopoly of pugilism ti rnts my fancy footwork or pound and reknown of Murphy Gymnasiir overshadows Madison Squa ing tc prostrate him with plethora of Thou are inno punches or dazzle and dismay him Champ is optimistic JP with resounding rhetoric he chances Im optimistic in remarked In an exclusive in chances puffed Dr Chauhan ten iii terview Au maintained am the finished his 316th lap around on tl greatest Stadium urged on by tte of ri Buttel He feels that The planned fight came as Beast icti surprise to most of the Beaver win easily community Dean Linnell was am the greatest Muham amazed he said iUi humbly countered particularly Oh LR CIassified Ads .Beav ounced aerforrn Wanted Hot parking Wanted blue..eyed male will pay any price Must between 510 and 62 between next adequate protection from iu 20 and 24 interested in baroque cal cuts dents and scratches music jogging yoga bird aide must be well hidden from watching euthanasia and at co strippers gas siphoners econometrics Must have hairy eater Dc Beaver Security Patrols dress legs be c1eanshaven and this HeIp Im desperate neatly No Catholics atheists ming Scofflaw 6O3O6 weirdos homosexuals or leather Ask for the six million freaks Must be faithful to the Vette right girl generous and gen tlemanly No mommas boys Needed one person for discovered Beaver News team from Camden or The hiding place of the notorious Beaverette Faction was recently by atcung Nobody BD AP SW AW News the Faction at covenant during No discipline or rubber on phone tip from an undisclosed source the surprised midnight Georgia FM CC PS AI vacation to one member of the Faction who refused to be quoted we were just taking freaks am sincere and can be all be spring According BO ITT ATT GTO in order to in some business of less serious to the right man some time off from our academic scholarly pursuits engage generous LSMFT riale rol Wanda Sue JFK LM 1H left to the members Charlie Rusty Big Norm Johnston Patty a1 to nature From right are Hall McWhinney PP AD BCF .. Smith Willy James and Johnny Berrigan all the March 30 976 BEAVER CLEAVER Page FIve

LECHER office reveals

experienced students may profit By Stormin Norman

lost the information Your past life may be worth $$$ consequently as to what time and effort those splendid words stood

American college campuses today for

are settings for farreaching and Arriving back on campus full of innovative schemes intended to high hopes interviewed some of the

higher education more faculty and though this isnt of-

responsive to the needs of the 70s ficial here are some of the

and changes in the kinds of students possibilities of converting life cx-

mming to college as well as perienees into meaningful course

dianging job markets In several credits at Beaver

committees here at Beaver years of continuous married life

in the last year heard com Anthropology 150 the Family

ts about offering credit for life 8-15 years of iontinuous niarried

eriences It sounded so sensible life course units the Family

obvious that like little boy years with one child or years about sex never have had with children Education 365 Childrens Art nurage to inquire as to exactly or Psychology 212

that phrase really meant Child Development

equently the other day years with an adolescent off- or of to look up my old college spring years going steady roommate Fatty Pratt who now in high school Psychology 238

srks in the US Office of Adolescence or 205 Abnormal

Educahon in Washington Psychology

uter culling ahtad arrived at his years full-time street walking for and sure enough there was years as female impersonator or

hi nameplate on the door Arthur year living in New York City Vratt Conceptual Facilitator Sociology 269 Deviant Behavior Muller and West CHER My aid roommate 200 meals at Ginos Howard Mr Mr have both denied rumors that they resent Dean Linnells plans to infiltrate the iabited very large office with Johnsons or McDonalds Chemistry security system Were looking forward to him bless his elbow patches said Mr Muller hastily the Sherman tank to back in the West his picture of Mr Fordan in 305 Inorganic Chemistry motioning get garage Mr wielding gleaming saber declaring and out basket an im completing 8th grade Education it to be an antique marshmallow roasting stick We cant wait for Big John he said velyhare desk and two 202 Facilitation of Learning final Id like to know tphanes decided not to call him summer in Boy ScoutCamp or at my question what will in any more the Jersey Shore Education 291 you major and where Beaver Bicentennial Resort vill most of classes be After the preliminaries came Seminar in Open Education your P.R think Ill from twn most right to the point Arther months at Miami Beach Art 224 Aaaaaah umm Continued Page Cal What does and Rococo major in the psychology of political Xih iii new in Washington Baroque We have got to emphasize distinct only at Beaver For was it not said after students 78 science and most of classes will the ii mean your name9 over years old Art my American themes Well rename the that Magna est veritas et thur playing confidently with his 225 The 19th Century be in the Hearst building riroll ii classroom building of course The prevalebit The Hearst as ii Service Grade 17 letter opener students 40-55 History 241 The News building nghsh Yankee Doodle Memorial Building Oh didnt tell Dr Matthews dressed classrr somewhat condescendingly Middle Ages PH yes they you in red has nice ring to IL Its umed to me You must be new students who have had in- that building where all your white and blue toga Well said icider Dr Gray wearing red white and their secretaries Cicero would have been If Ii Aashington Big John Lecher as discretions while on foreign bourgeoise proud and blue tee shirt which reads ti eryone here knows stands for vacation Political Science 241 work They had some silly name for only he had been an American Yankee stay Home Were all it before like he ltv Experience and Continuing International Relations the Classroom building Mr Stewart red in face from geared up for our fall program but think had thC manistic Encounters Research students who have proof of 10 daddy it changed making red marks on white warning Weve dropped London semester as the hottest thing in higher permissions for reexams from Something about building letters This should convince you can imagine but we have added itatian since the Supreme Court professors Theater 340 Advanced Geodesic dome for the hockey field them am giving all students As gi Des Moines Buffalo and Peoria cubian throwing out the Home Acting for America this spring And we fa Dr Johnston wearing brown dibC onomics requirement for teacher students who can prove being should send them copy of the double knit three piece Brooks xrtthcation in North Dakota You thrown out of at least 25 bars or diplomas we will be giving out in Lay iS Brothers suit muted maize tie and about LEECHs of course clubs Biology 337 Animal May See here they are shaped like dri gold shirt and thinking that was embarrassed to admit Behavior the liberty bell and you open theni everyone else is dressed in Bicen and for mad moment em As Pratt had shouted to me as along the crack tennial tacky Weve got to go left his office in bC ned the idea of making Washington this is beyond programs to show our sin- Dr Gates Youreright Hal Who rk to the effect that leeches only the beginning The Campus of gi cerity Personally will be could refuse to gather at this symbol the Future lul inly belonged with leachers may consist of only vacationing this year at great of America Why when they set the thought better of it and ad registrars office and LEECH ji personal sacrifice in Runamuck American flag in red white and blue children ted didnt know LEECHs it person Patience Rome Kentucky and Ive notified my flowers on the hockey field were Life wasnt torn down in day ht Cn out Experience editor to delete all pictures of British Mr James dont suppose we II itinti Credit Hours and were from prisons my book could charge $1778 per course granted to students 11ev ird ic3 par Patty Hearst Mr James wonder what we Dr Gates It does have certain those who had been im WI IC Liarly could charge for red white and blue symbolism that the Board is ure to Continued from Page Col wcl kio ed in other kinds of life ex dorm rooms like After all this is thc Bicen before coming to college lots of goals in for the hockey club titudes ra Mr McWhinney burning the tennial and we arc the Picentennial nentioned several other no politics promised mumsey vit cs ti Oxford English Distionary college and educational in wouldnt mix with that type thE Speaking of money Mr James intend to the meats which he insisted in anymore join Spanish yinnaM ri You should be advised that have rring to as educational soft club Las Castlaires and write for Beaver allege extends S1i iC removed all foreign books from the innovations include the Beaver welcome MONTESSORI They your warm to that noted tic ab newspaper library Since we will be keeping Cleaver Ut FECES ZING CO traveler and urban Guerilla sti abC only good American books we Teacher Training Program WHEE As had News Miz Harst how do you Patty lania Hearst hauhui as Patty should realize considerable think will affect APPROVED BY THE rcur ten my notebook was taking your past your who is entering under the savings It allowed me to close off AMERICAN MONTESSOR SOCIETY the back of the return Beaver on experience Continuing Ed is ie anni program the entire second floor Sixth AERCO Summer Academic on of my Metroliner ticket and PH Past what past expected to be accepted as Is at he Dean Linnell Russ we have eturnod to well Miss in Program for weeks fran June 23 Philadelphia News Um Heerst just another student already sent in grant application to 1976 to August 13 1976 to be Wi ham turn that vacant into the space followed by nine month lnternshp National Center for the Study of trained Haldeman play to see Beaver debut Experience Students will be Mom and Apple Pie the Montessori philosophy and iver has Playshop recently of into the Dr moral-compromising body- heavy dosage irony Miller wearing red white teacting method child deve opment ed their spectacular plans Americans subtext The and blue exploiting complicated lighting sports shirt with picture and learmng materials for pre school worldwide debut of intend to have the cast interpret scheme involves several of John rking pac organic Dewey on the left pocket programs Now at two locatutis musical on Beavers the several dozen various in- Mm ha blue-tipped matches three roman Excellent John That fits exactly AERCO Ithaca Program conducted on ext fall hopefully The of the and then we Bear from mci terpretations plot candles five Mountain heavy- into our plans for teaching cer the campus of Cornell Unwersity and kidern Times is former to this mass confusion ratches Ab hope project duty camping flashlights one semi- tificate in Interdisciplinary AERCO/Phila Program conducted on HR Haldemans first onto the Beaver so that the black and hand- en from Ci stage trippy light Americanism for secondary the Ambler campus of Temple Urn contemporary expression will be able to selected of fireflies from where Thoner average spectator squadron teachers and frankly our program versrty you can sper your Czar David Stevens end itrols Dept leave at the of the play with his- Penns Nocturnal Sciences Dept is little weak in Mom courses right summer in the Bicentennial area to about the for her mind erate say completely boggled expect this musical to create more now ror nformahort and brchur cafl wnte usical Modern Times will object to the of sensation than the Montessori Teacher hope nobody heavy campus Mr James Ofcourse we 11 have AERCO/Ithaca because it lesbian that Addre mllior dol upon simply content Im praying discovery of Norm Johnstons to beef up security with all of those Training Program Mahng no male The homosexual rendition of Old Mr Kenneth Broosrl parts my toupee important people coming called 1374 Meadowbright Lane ii originally for an Times has broken in the Beaver So there you have it Dr Stevens Dr OConnor wearing red Crncrnnatr Ohro 45230 iast but the characters of audience to this sort of deviance son fcr has announced that tryouts will white and blue academic gown Is John Dean Nelson Yoko Hush-Your-Mouth has 513 23l0868 AW begin immediately following the it not erroneous for us to speculate and Lyndon Johnson set AERCO/Philadephia Mastessori Teacher AI MI designed magnificent release of Haldeman from the about the unknown We do not yet easily transposed into the interior of Trarning Program GLO IT resembling guttural loga Prison where he is currently know empirically if the president 1400 East Wrllow Grove Ave The musical is es stock Fairmount Park water serving out his life-imprisonment will come Before Hodi proceeding Phrladelphra Pa 19118 BiCentennial Theme fountain Were hoping that this sentence Be so we must first convince good boy you illogically 215 AD3 0141 42 characters are surrealism will upright element of inject can hurry your butt outta there him that Bicentennial truth exists Tuesday March 30 Page Six BEAVER CLEAVER

Saeee4ed ea

Exclusive Oh splendid morning Special The modeling company the grandeur of life today And with little Poster so warning Literary My mother made dazzling consume the airs soft Frantically Eighteen candle cake ance fragi Supplement felt inspired felt lovely Awaken oh distant limbs Maybe will get diamond card The building and classwork terribly And velvet low cut coat

near Maybe Dr Johnston will let me shall lose this exhuberance See him without his toupee dreadfully fear Maybe The Beaver News for moment to Looking skyward Will print my name more enrapture once The modeling company And get smashed in the nose by an today door opening They wanted my faggot brother Extra Pound Meashell Sea 7esu lt 46f THOUGHTS oF AN AVL met and you you TWENTY-ONE YEAR Reminded me of father my BEAVER STUIENT SITTIN So we with brimfire and argued CHAIR SURROUI flames BOOKS AND PEANU and we competed WAITING FOR GODOT and played your masculine you THE RADIO PLAYS BA chauvinist games pig BALL TUNE AND THOUGHTS OF MIDTERIV 4eeee PAPERS WRITTEN AND PAl 4e4e4 NOT WRITTEN AND BOOKS ANT GRAD SCHOOL prologue SLEEPLESS NIGHTS Let BEGIN at the us beginning SPRING AND SUMMER Al 8ack at the womb LAST VACATION ANI GE The end is uncertain AWAY FROM IT IF ONLY for the tomb except WEEK AND EVERYTHING PERSON THINKS ABOUl STEAD OF DOING SOMETI 74 4ge THAT NEEDS DOING Wh BORING ANYWAY farmer fair was seed planting CLOGGING UP THE MIND one morn upon sunny as far as can see and weeks later there is no one quite like me low and behold

lettuce patch was born The little seedlings ez44ce4 44d they did grow as seedlings always will the lettuce patch reminds us of farmer fairs .4 great skill month three months or maybe Crosscourts and creampuffs two They simply dont mix the and seedlings grew grew If you fill up on latters and soon the farmer reaped The formers youll miss

the field to bring the So dont overdo it

lettuce to you Except if youve bet Your opponent will win

Without losing set 7e 4m Stacd by Archi Chris Effort

Birth lhe eaith could vomit Along the road in pickup truck Waking up is the result of all the thad The lettuce heads did roll bangcd my head on the mirror Love Not some them They let them out at farm stand for ten straight minutes regurgitate 4e Garden of Eden but even the ride had taken its toll and then stopped

TI took walk in the one lettuce heads Miracle like the second time park Some had fallen out The mirror was fogged Adam would squirrel took peck at Along the bumpy road with sweat around they would have believe My first reaction But the best were left you was happy was alone still be dead Was to run and scream for to buy Love just love rubbed blueblue you green toothpaste translated froni the Chinese by Tse But then thought bountiful pay4oad Simple Love liki under my arms mot skate board Of my granifathers dream and massaged the mushy aqua And only stationary so instead into my moist hair Love Love picked him up and kissed Love And then rinsed it out 7e Sa4d Complex Love On his mouth Before gargled with Ban Roll On q44 fell in Like 747 He smiled and we by to she head paused pick up pen lady fair bought Lovc And knew what ecstasy wi Love Love and write this funl in elf And took it to her home poem And then The leaves rustled which seem w1ri even loiking She took the leaves from off the head may freky More Love And we did the hustle But What thja vu And them in bowl put He was good dancer In fife Sor i1iow She tossed it amist the air translated from th hiriese Ise my up by He was from South Phibly Its vry th aigl And set it on the table Liot Donna hat very Before you knew it Realistic had The salad wasnt there GARGLE SPECIAL met rns self jenny gonegone hack to 7e.em4 467 liv RECEIVE FREE Cfl the artheverything leads woman CREATIVE am hope WRITING to miraculous rebirth you are man that SIMPLY NAMING THE TEA have three itcms nu lesire will ncver WHO IS REPRESENTED have one you bose rii self Ode ea So honey sede 94 again Get down on your knees nevem Seeeeee nevr oh death come to No identity from Her warm steel skin save me my pressed against my lean echoing depres.sior g_ like plastic body clanging noises hours like train tracks 36 only ago eeda 47 Se No she is gone or telephone operators The white of The took her cant stand it vague cosnios repairman away today was the first day of spring Your white thighs my dove Im so lonely whooooppeee strangle me death Peace reaction mellow love Maybe melt myself walked barefoot in the mud whik sleep The vague white cosmos on an electric burner and felt free please white Shoot want to for love has of our thighs oh so very fre stripped naked The source of all die the sun reminded ic of distant me 3lienated your beautiful eyes Dion Mallary aunt and