AAGGRRIICCUULLTTUURREE CCLLUUBB Farmageddon Dirty, Distorted Rural Rock Available from: Sudden Death Records suddendeath.com Farmageddon on Catch and Release Recording Collective C&R Catalogue distro by Live! Sonic Unyon Edmonton - Sidetrack Cafe, Nov. 5 Canmore - Canmore Hotel, Nov. 6 Saskatoon - Amigos, Nov.14 Winnipeg - Royal Albert, Nov. 15 Vancouver- Railway Club, Nov. 22 agricultureclub.ca catch-and-release.org IInnarnnardsds Band Slut of the year! ince the Spitfires packed it in last fall, school girls to come over and watch him play Jason Solyom technically isn’t playing in bass, Mattias & Donnie would have these jeal- Sany band right now. But since the former ous sibling spats over who was the greater frontman spent the better part of 2003 in the guitarist, and Oke would demand I arm wres- studio recording all that is good in West Coast tle her to lower my hourly wage. They were rock, he is the only musician that deserves just fuckin’ rude and generally obnoxious peo- Nerve’s most prestigious title. Look forward to ple. seeing his name in the liner notes on all your favourite 2004 albums. Why the career move? What career move? Career: Doesn’t that mean Stage name and homebase? you make money? Recording or playing Jerk, get the fuck off the stage… hey music has made my life hell and I’m terribly ASShole, learn how to sing… get a LIFE in debt. No, I’ll be playing again in the future, (I’ve been called many names while on stage). just got a bit tired of I have been blessed by J.C. himself to be liv- the same old. ing quietly and peacefully in the Bible belt [Abbottsford]. Any parting words for Spitfires’ Bands you’ve played in (other than the fans? Spitfires)? A new Grave Mistake, Budget Rock Showcase, Seamen, The Idols, Chinatown, Psycho-mania, Flash Bastard, New Town Animals, The Fiends, Defect, Connect, Reason. photo: Laura Murray Bands you’ve worked with in the recording studio this year? dou- Nasty On , The Cinch, SprëadEagle, John ble Ford, The Excessives, Chinatown, The live Rumors, Gung-Hos ( I think that’s it). Oh record that Yeah, Petrie Frampiton (French version of will be com- photo: Angela Fama Peter Frampton) ing out very Cover models: (clockwise from front) Markus Morrison of Dry Fisted, soon (check the ravishing Kitten Coquette and Sonja, Chris Valagao of Zimmer ís What band was the biggest pain in the ass to website for work with and why? Hole, Pinto of Cryst al Pistol, S tevie Kicks of The Smears, Ani Kyd of SPRËADEAGLE. Total prima donnas. The Fuel Injected .45, Dixie DiíAnno of Powerclown and the lovely Fatima. singer, Juan, demanded that after every take, For more info on our cover models, go check out p age 7. whoever was in the room would compliment him on his vocal stylings. 8-Ball paid high Feature 15 A Christmas Tale by Adrian Mack T H E N E R V E H I T S Q U A D King Pin (a/k/a Editor-IIn-CChief) Bradley C. Damsgaard Incoming 9, 13 [email protected] Mark Lanegan, Dry Fisted, The Darkness Pistol Whipper (a/k/a Music Editor) Sarah Rowland Live Wires 10-11 [email protected] Writers Festival of Guns, Thor & D.O.A., Excessives, Dimmu Borgir The Getaway Driver (a/k/a Production Manager) Pierre Lortie [email protected] Cheap Shotz 7 Father Gary (a/k/a Visual Arts Editor) Wanted! Jason Ainsworth Casey’s Q & A 6 Shotgun (a/k/a Film Editor) Bjorn Olson Naughty or Nice? Friend of the Family (a/k/a Adult Content Editor) Jason Wertman Victoria, Calgary, The Henchmen (a/k/a Design & Graphics) Hopelessness 8 Pierre Lortie, Saturnin, B. Damage Edmonton, Billy Hopeless grabs a Backyard Baby Cover Photos: Angela Fama, assisted by Marija Mikulic Winnipeg The Muscle (a/k/a Staff Writers) writers and Off the Record 18-19 Atomick Pete, A.D. MADGRAS, Cowboy Photographers to The Mexican Blackbirds plus over 20 cd reviews TexAss, Casey Bourque, Sinister Sam, Adler Floyd, Aaronoid, Billy Hopeless, Dennis cover their Regan, D-Rock and Miss Kim, Michael Mann, respective music Books & DVDs 20-21 Adrian Mack, Jake Poole, Max Crown Chris Walter plus more books and DVDs reviewed Girl Friday (a/k/a Subscriptions/Mailouts) scenes... Sue Hobler Weapons Cleaners (a/k/a Copy Editors) Film 24 Alyssa Koehler, Sean Conner no pop! and any Gore: Vampire Films, Optical Nerve: Neil Hamburger Live Advertising (a/k/a Fire Insurance) mention of Robin Brad Damsgaard [email protected] Black or use of Skate 23 Out-oof-ttown Connections (a/k/a Distribution) Calgary: Rick Overwater, Mike Taylor. the word “quirky” Skate Spot: Public Art for the Masses Edmonton: Graeme. Winnipeg: Ryan of Steel will be cause for Capped Records, Victoria: Jono Jak IMMEDIATE Opinion 22 The Nerve is published monthly by The Nerve It’s Rainin’ Men: Ainsworth on Dominatrix Art? Magazine Ltd. The opinions expressed by the writers dismissal. and artists do not necessarily reflect those of The Nerve Magazine or its editors... but often do. First publishing rights only are property of The Nerve Magazine cause Smut Ranch 27 we have no desire to “ own” you. The Nerve does not for more info, accept responsibility for content in advertisements. The Yes, finally, some decent midget porn... Nerve reserves the right to refuse any advertisement or contact: submission and accepts no responsibility for unsolicit- ed manuscripts or artwork. Copyright 2003 Etc... 22, 25, 27 [email protected] Alt F4, Puzzle Page, Cartoons and Found! 508 - 825 Granville St. (604) 734-1611 Vancouver, B.C. V6Z 1K9 604.734.1611 UNCENSORED! www.thenervemagazine.com Viewer Discretion Advised 5 Music Casey’s Q & A XXXmas is coming soon-have you been naughty or nice??? Robbee-SSalteens: Katie Sketch- I’ve been naughty- The Organ: when you deal I’ve been goddamn with hookers & nice and regret every blow, some- second of it. I’ll times… never waste my life like that again! Dante DeCaro- Joshua Winstead- Hot Hot Heat: The Metric: Nice. *(I forget Naughty ‘cuz Viva what he said but la Revolution! he’s about the nicest person you’ll ever meet). Mr. Plow: Angela- Smears: Both, because I’m Of course I’ve me. been naughty! Paul Hawley- Rene- Smears: Hot Hot Heat: Naughty- Nice because (I think) ALWAYS I’m a nice boy-polite naughty! and considerate. Music Cheap Shotz ward to a more cost-effective line-up in the tional nativity scene. That’s why we requested By Sarah Rowland New Year. Apparently nobody ever told Calvin a Virgin Mary look-a-like and two fair maiden Klown that the one thing you never do when types for this shoot. Instead we got three hot you’re in an all-clown Iron Maiden tribute band burlesque babes. Needless to say, the is show up to practice dressed in a mime cos- Ultravixen Peepshow won’t be getting our tume. Nor do you ever pull a no-show right business again. This is a family magazine damn before a Victoria gig. So while the ousted it! But if gawking at gorgeous sexbombs with Klown practices his invisible box moves, Dixie bodies that won’t quit is your thing, check out and his bandmates will play as a five-piece www.kittencoquette.com until further notice. Holiday gripes or greetings: “Send us pres- Holiday gripes or greetings: “I don’t get ents… preferably lingerie” enough presents and not enough rum & eggnog bought for me from hot chicks.” Chris (The Heathen) Valagao When we called the Zimmer’s Hole lead singer Pinto Cholo about the cover shot, we asked him to bring a He’s the necrophiliac on the cover. But when big red sock to hang by the fire place with the he’s not boning corpses, he plays guitar in rest of the stockings. But the batteries must Crystal Pistol. You can catch him in all his have been running low on the Nerve cell phone bleeding eyeliner glory Friday Dec. 19 at the coz the only thing dangling from Val was a Brickyard. monster-sized red cock and he don’t shoot Holiday gripes or greetings: “Here’s wishing blanks neither. If you don’t believe me, head you a white Christmas from Crystal Pistol” down to the Brickyard and watch him spray his demon seed all over Hiro’s bar for the Blood Stevie Kicks and Gore 2004 New Year’s eve metal bonanza He’s played bass for the on-again/off-again (also on the bill are Sinned and Fuel Injected Ani Kyd New Town Animals for the last five years. The .45) This Nerve-sanctioned evil temptress/singer for resurrected five-piece is soon to release its sec- Holiday gripes or greetings: “Jesus who?” Fuel Injected .45 is currently recording her ond album on Dirtnap Records. He also just band’s debut album, Reload Diablo, Reload. finished recording a demo with his latest band, Chinatown cans lead singer Holiday gripes or greetings: “I’ll be your mis- The Smears. As well, he drums for the atmos- When you check out Van’s glam rockers at the tress for Christmas and your metal horror for pheric indy-rock outfit, Ashtray Boy. The latter Supersuckers Thursday Dec 4, you’ll notice 2004” will perform at the Railway Sunday, Dec. 7 to that they are once again a four-piece. launch its latest LP, The Euro. But what Kicks Chinatown recently pulled the plug on lead is really famous for is throwing the best house singer Marus Ireland’s mike.