Fall Issue 08
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FRIENDSHIP ISSUE 10 November 2020 // Fall Issue 8 “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” C.S. Lewis In Memoriam of the Community House Brother Moving Out By Derek Hiemstra “What’s up, short stuff?” I’d ask as he walked in the door. “What’s up, tall stuff?” he’d reply. It was stupid. Sometimes we’d change it up: “What’s up, big guy?” I’d say. “What’s up, small guy?” he’d reply. I’m still looking for the death and resurrection, or the incarnation, or the trinity, agape,orthekingdom of God in my front hallway. I know that’s unrelated but I’ve got my eyes open. Adrian is a brick-layer, and he looks like it. Sturdy, stolid. Dark brown hair in a mohawk, dark full beard. Often, he’d wear a light blue shirt with a white, handwritten script on it. The shirt read, “Y’all need Jesus” on the front, and he claims that some friends of his bought it for him as a joke. Maybe we don’t need one, but I like to think everyone should enjoy an Adrian now and then. Just for the solidity of it. Adrian and I went for a run one afternoon in Pacifc Spirit Park. And that’s just one fun thing he does. He also covered my rent once (I paid him back in full, thank you) and he thought out loud in front of me that if I sold my body on Craigslist it could help me make rent next time. He’s the kinda guy who shows up. Not to mention this man was constantly in my way in the kitchen. Sometimes I think he was cooking, but other times it could have been to start arguments. Maybe “start” isn’t exactly the phrase, but don’t “foat an idea” in front of Adrian unless you are prepared to have it plucked out of mid-air and wrestled with. A particular favourite we had was education. “Look,” Adrian would say, “all kids should have to go to public school. It’s the best evangelism. You need to be friends with the people around you. No one’s going to know Christians if they never show up. Christian kids or homeschooled kids all turn out weird, and so exclusive. Like they’re better than other people.” Did I mention we all need Jesus? Adrian told me so. The man was consistently improving us without consulting us. One day, after he’d been at our house for only a couple of months, he was elected the house leader; declared by apostolic succession. We did not realize this meant we’d be voting on house improvements, building bins for frewood, cleaning out our attic and garage, rearranging the kitchen, taking notes on the house issues to fx. Was that part friendship? I’m {Continued on page 2} SUBMISSION Submissions must be in Word format. Please submit all prose, poetry, and artwork Current students, faculty, staff, and spouses to [email protected]. Classifeds are prioritized, but others may submit. Views GUIDELINES Maximum length for prose is 800 words. for the Greensheet must be submitted to expressed in the Et Cetera do not necessarily Longer stories or articles may be serialized [email protected]. No represent the views of Regent College, the Senior Editor: Steven Gomez over multiple issues. All submissions are guarantees that submissions will be printed. RCSA Council, or the Et Cetera staff. Associate Editors: Alice Hodgkins & Amy subject to proofreading edits and may be Deutscher returned for more substantial revision. Deadlines for submissions are 5pm on The Et Cetera and the Greensheet can be Published by the Regent College Student Thursday for the Et Cetera, and 5pm on viewed online at rcsa.regent-college.edu/et- Association Visual art must be submitted in digital Friday for the Greensheet. Submissions cetera. format in as high quality a scan as possible. later than this may be considered for Articles, fction, and poetry are all welcome. future issues. 1 10 November 2020 // Fall Issue 8 In Memoriam [cont’d] not sure. But our house is in better shape and we have a better sense of how to organize and navigate issues. Firmly, with conviction. Adrian suffered like the average pastor suffered; he didn’t choose the people who he encountered, he just encountered them. This year was rough. The community ties with Regent suffered. School was put on hold, re-done at home. Our living room couches remember a lot of useless hours, nonsense conversation, or worse, put-downs and negative self-talk, negative god-talk, negative air. The house, on occasion, feeling like a sanitorium, a clinic. What’s anyone supposed to do when I say sternly, with conviction, that I don’t trust God? Especially the God they are obedient to, the one they love, who loves all those around them, who moves in their life. They could only shake their head, no? Unfortunately, some of the magic of Adrian is that he shook his head, and he showed up the next day, and had the same conversation. And some of the tragedy is the respect I lost and never recovered in his eyes. He does forgive; but if so, he’s not working with ablankslatethenextday. The best memories aren’t memories of rendering each other speechless with over-the-top verbal sparring, or any intense spiritual moments of prayer, the best memories are less memories and more a collection of a predisposition, an openness. The place I can best envision Adrian is in our backyard, around our frepit. Enclosed by tall bushes and small trees, a cement pad under a steel frame, with various multi- coloured plastic chairs. “Have you ever tried this?” Adrian asks, handing over a clear liquid with blueberries in it. “What exactly?” I ask, pulling up a chair. “Try it, it’s good.” AlittlebitofAdrianisagoodidea. But we all need Jesus. ✦ On Friendship and Hospitality By Rachel Hart I’ve been incredibly fortunate in my time at Regent to have meaningful, intimate friendships. From bellyache laughter making it hard to breathe, to open arms and doors at all hours, to shared grief, holding silence and tears when feelings are greater than words—I’m so grateful for these friends and pray to keep them through eternity. Because I cherish these friendships, I’m taking a minute to name what I’ve found to be an inhospitable context for disagreement. In my time at Regent I’ve experienced a shift in the culture of students around what one ‘can’ or ‘cannot’ disagree with. I haven’t experienced this in a classroom, but in conversations with friends. You’ve already heard calls for unity in an increasingly polarized world. But at Regent we need to practice our friendships better. What concerns me about my experience is that it’s not unique to me. I don’t mind being the odd bird out when it comes to disagreeing opinions. What I do mind is that I’ve felt silenced before sharing that opinion. And I know I’m not alone in this. In some conversations within friendships, I have felt unable to offer a disagreeing viewpoint, because it’s assumed my opinions are in agreement, and I listen silently while those who hold a contrasting opinion are belittled. There seem to be certain topics that can’t be challenged, whether it’s creationism vs theistic evolution, women’s ordination, the role of the Church in relationship to government, etc. Thus, I have not felt the freedom to offer differing points of view because I haven’t wanted to be mocked as well. I’m saddened by my experience, because I know I’ve done the same to others, and I want to do better. That means recognizing that I don’t have the sum knowledge of Truth and my opinions can and should be challenged in pursuit of it. One of the reasons it’s been so hard for me and others to voice a differing opinion is that it’s diffcult to know how to disagree well. In conversations with friends, when disagreeing opinions are silenced, both parties are hurt. Our friendships aren’t as healthy as they could {Continued on page 3} 2 10 November 2020 // Fall Issue 8 On Friendship [cont’d] be. One party has done harm without realizing, while the other party hurts and does not feel safe to express that. We must ask ourselves, “Am I being a good friend?” In asking that, I challenge myself to dignify the person I disagree with. Iwanttodobetter,tolovebetter.Iwanttoengagewithotherpeoplewhodisagreewithmebetter.It comes back to the theme of friendship intertwined with hospitality. We love to talk about what hospitality looks like, especially in terms of the church as an open space for people to be welcomed into. However, this begins with hospitality in our relationships. As a Christ follower, I am invited into a kenotic descent, lowering my pride so others feel welcome in my presence. I seek to understand, not to be understood. If I disagree with someone, I want them to know that I love them before they know my opinion. Maya Angelou rightly said, “At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” I’m not great at this. I’ve offended more people than I wish I had. I’m grateful for the friends who have called me out when I’ve been unkind and unloving.