THE REAL MEANING OF FAMILY

In contrast to the formal definitions of family found in anthropology and sociology textbooks, students predominantly define the family phenomenologically quite differently. They tend to deemphasize consanguineal, affinal, coresidential, and fictive kinship, to say nothing of legal, religious, geographic, nomenclature, and economic interpretations. Four classes of students in the sociology of Marriage and Family, a junior level college course, have been surveyed every year for the last ten years, first, by enumerating family “members,” then by identifying themes common to the list. Even the practical-functional clinical perspective— family is as family does—or the social psychology perspective of family as “a unity of interacting personalities” does not fare as well as the sentimental definition, which often includes nonhuman members. Simply put, a plurality of respondents regard family as a set of members who love one another, thus favoring rapport over reproduction, choice over convention.

DIMENSIONS OF DEFINING A FAMILY

1. Biological, genetic, consanguineal. Blood is thicker than water. Children transform a marriage into a family; they are born of cognate kin [mother’s side] and to agnate kin [father’s side]. Families are breeders. Mother is a genitrix; father, genitor.

2. Affinal, adoptive, legal, contractual. By the power invested in me by the state of Tennessee, I now pronounce you husband and wife. The family is knitted together by certain reciprocal rights and responsibilities undergirded by the state. Remember: your spouse is an in-law! Palimony and prenuptials count.

3. Religious ritual or sanctification.* “The family that prays together stays together.” What God hath joined together let no man put asunder. Matrimony is a sacrament. A wedding begins a marriage. Godparenthood too involves a ritual that creates substitute kin, e.g., comadre and copadre in the system of compadrazgo.

4. Coresidence or cohabitation. The census regards as a household related or unrelated persons living together in the same detached dwelling unit, marked by separate entrance, mailbox, power lines, kitchen facilities. Is a POSSLQ kin?

5. Practical-functional. The family group functions for its members, and the family institution for society. Contemporary functions could include reproduction, socialization, maintenance, emotional support, and intimacy fulfillment. Family is as family does. The social role of father is pater; that of mother, mater.

6. Economic. Money changes hands through gifts and loans. Historically, the family has moved from a unit of economic production to a unit of economic consumption. Especially in societies with private property, the family, as conservator, generates, parlays, holds, and transmits the estate (property) across generations by means of bequest and inheritance. Who’s in your will? Who’s your life insurance beneficiary?

7. Association, interaction, communication. One scholar defined a family as a "unity of interacting personalities." Hanging out together, family members may generally prefer the company of one another to that of nonkin. Family is not just kin but kith as well. Partly in jest, quasi-kin may include a former mother-in-law or a "wife-in-law" (ex- husband's new spouse).

8. Boundaries, territory, place. As Robert Frost said, home is the place where if you've got to go there, they've got to take you in. House becomes home and hearth. Scarlet O'Hara called it "Tara." Families may return to the old homestead for yearly reunions, tee shirts and all. Lawyers formally refer to "domicile."

9. Nomination, identification, or labeling. A family is a group that so perceives itself. Members share a surname and address one another by kinship titles, and often nicknames. The nomenclature tends to secure for everyone "a place in the sun," i.e., a social identity.

10. Fictive, metaphorical. To communicate closeness to someone, we might * analogize from kinship, using such terms as "cuz," "bro," “blood” [not the gang], or the archaic term “cater-cousin,” even Uncle Sam or Uncle Remus. We may treat some people as if they were "one of the family," likening them to kin, e.g., “like a sister to me.” Kinship is thus used metaphorically to imply closeness. How about the “Manson family”?

11. Historical, traditional, or cultural. Each family, as a group, has its own rules (we don't discuss dad's drinking) and roles (junior is the scapegoat), and rituals, e.g., Thanksgiving dinner. Members hold goals and values in common. Their history may be contained in the family album, and they tell stories (narratives) of their history. They often reminisce, "Remember the time when…?” Rules, roles, rituals, remembrances.

12. Sentimental, emotional. Home is where the heart is. In individualistic America today, marriage, for example, is legitimated less by custom, by church, or by state, than by sheer personal choice. Family is a set of people who love one another.

* “Brethren” from the same congregation may be #3, #7, or even #11.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.

nce

love

Law place

Blood

labeling

function

Religion

Practical Naming/

Finances

Territory/ Metaphor

FAMILY MEMBERS Tradition/

Sentiment/

Coreside

Family culture Family Communication

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.