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Jack Benny Program 1954 Jan-Mar.Pdf PROGRAM #17 FGVISED SCRIPT THA AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY_ 7.UCISY °TRII{E THE JArK BENNY p RCGRAM OiRVDAY,,,,_SAMLARY~;,1954 ^B° 4 :0_0 ° &, .30 PM PS'P (TRAN50RIE1ED DEC-wMBF~'R 23, 1953) (=17 ' X 0 9 C71 84 5? 'PEsE AMG7iI0AN TO&1CC0 CObII'ANY "TI-IF JACg 3EP7NY _rAC_GRAM" #17 7 :00 - i :30 PM EST JANUARY 3 . 1994 SUMIAY WILSON : THE JAC={'3ENNY PRCGRA[4 . .Transcribed anrl presented by LL"CR~' SLRIISE! COLS.INS : Luckies taste better : CF_ORUS : Cleaner, Fresher, Smoocner! COLLINS : Luckies taste better! C YiORUS : Cieener, Fresher, Smootner! For Lucky Strike means fine tobacco Richer-tasting fine tobacco COLLINS : Luckies taste better! CHORUS : Cleaner, Fresher, Smootiner! Lucky Strike : Lucky Strike : WILSON : This ia Don Wilson. Friends, -.;nereos no doubt =_bout 1t . Smoking enjoytt;nt is all a matter of taste . And the fact of the matter is I l uckies taste better, Cleaner., Fresher, Smoother . Now, freshness is particularly important, for if a ci g arette isn't truly fresh, it oan ' t possibly give you the an j oviwnc it should . That ' s why every pack of Luckies is extra tightly sealed -- to bring you Luckies' better taste in all its netural frestmess . Yes, Luckies do taste better because -- f irst LS/P+ E T - Lucky 3trike meana iine tobacco . Then, too, Luckies taste better because they ' re made better, ., made round and firm and fully _.acked, to draw freely and smoke evenly . Mo,s_" I ) HT .'s6 0 1 CI 18457 4 . 4fENING COWk.RCL1L (CO :VTINIIED) tif1L50N : (GOSFPIM7ED) So, £rierAs, smoke the cigarette that has better teste ur"nen it ' s niade, and then brings you all that better tssce '_n a fresh cigarette . Yes, Be Happy -- Go Luc - . Ask for a carton o? Lucky Strike and f.i_ad out for gourself tfl»t Luckies really do taste better . COLLINS : Luckies tsste better! CHORUS : C.lean e r, Freshsr, Smoother! Lucky Strike! Lucky Strike! " RT KU1 C)78 4 Sr`E+ ( .rn?s~.at~=~ sxaa (FSRST ROUPINE) (AFTER COMMF'.,RCIAly MUSIC UP AND D0,IN) DON : THE: LUCKY STR]1SE PRCGRAM, STAFRING JACK &ENNY,,,WITH MARY LPlINGSTONF, ROCHF.STER, DEDPdIS DAY, BOB CROSBY, THE SPOHTSMEN O,UARTET, AND 'IOURS TRULY" DON WILSON . (APPLAUSE, .,M'JSIC IIP AND DCWN) DON : LP.D IE S AnD GENTIEMEN, ,.~.R IDAY WAS NEW ~M ARS DAY, AND 1QINsTEE N'FIF'PY-.FOUR `dAS USI4,'} = IN BY THE NATION'S isR ID I'nON CLASSIC, TII, ROS E BCY,dL GAME BER4J EEN U .C .L .A . AIm MICHIGAN STATE BEF'ORE P. RECORD CROWD OF N+'.ARLY ONh" HUNDRF37 THOUSAND PJCPLE ., mHIS GAN',E 9IWAY5 PROuUC3S STATISTICS THAT ARE MUL LED OVFR. BY SPORTS LOVERS FOR 41EEKS TO COME . .HCW MANY YAFO S BACH TEAM GAINED BY RUNPiI_NG,,,HQr! Ma1NY YARDS GALNED BY PASSING ., .H(kl MANY PASSES COMPL£^ED ,, .HOvI NP.yY IfYPERCEPTF"vD,,, ~7 S, EVEN T;+E ,±lAR OF OUR SHOW 3AS ti STUNNED BY THE AMAZISdG FIGiII2ES COMPILasD BY T HIS TOCriBArl. CLASSIC . JACK : A hundred thousand people at five dollars aplece .,,Gosh . .what a gar.re . ~- DON : It must have hee n , .Iack . .It seems ifffit the Rose Bowl Gamea get more and more exciLir_e every year . JACK : Fou t re not kidding,j .~2 can remericer when j;t was only =1g'ntv thousand people at three dollars apiece ., .Anyway, Don, did you -zotica that play where Paul Cameron got the ball ffim --- DON : I didntt see the ga+ce, Jack . JACK : You didn't--=vlait a minute, Bon . .I thought I saw you in Pasadena that morni_7g . DW 53 1- ;+SO 1 0 9l3 4 = 1t 7 ~~ry~ llON :,r'r}~You did, but 7 went right home . .yr.d I'm never going there again . JACK : Oh, cheer up, _ion . .mayce next year you'11 w+n the prize as the best f.oat,,,And take those ^oaes out of qour hair, you look ~ai.G7,~I~y, . .besides, I thoughtlg'~` ~- BIN3 : rii, Jac iA „DOn. JACK : Oh, hello, Bob . ~''' DON : I~til~ieo, Bob,,,Jack and I wer^talking about the big garce New Year's :,ay, JACK : You sew it, didn't you, Bob? BOB : Oh sure . .I haven't missed a ga:r,e in the kose Bowl since Bi.ng bought it, JAC-iLEj :1 Bing,,,bou¢_ht the Rose Bowl? BOB : Well, not exactly, he bought Pasadena and tney threw that in, .W i JACK : Oh . .well, Bob~imuch as I like your brother, we're supposed to be doing a radio program, . .Pdow get your band reedy lcl~- __ ~ 3(LS : What's the matter, Jack? JACK : ~ Look at Rice, your,bass fiddle player . BOB : '17h at about h " .im? Iie's "-ahe best baae-pls-Yer in t * country, JAOK : I knorc~but look at hiafiddle .,,~~it has six s ilver handles on<i~t, .,,leok. ~\ ~ BOB Well, : e ffor You,,,if enyC" happena to him, he\ went -;kaean't us~go to any expense . ~~ J~~." Well, it'e a nice tho ht, but tell Rice t\ put down that ~ shovei, use a bow, andw out the candles on the music stand,,,what a character . HTki 0 1 01845, r'8 DON : BPq, Jack, what }:ind of a program are we going to do t W ay? .iACK : Well, Don, since this is our first stow of the New "ear, I thought maybe we oup_nt to do a sketch hased c~iaa--oh, hello, Mary : rii Jack . .Hi. MARY i'ellows,,,F.e11o, Don . DCN : Hello, Mary, jAae glad you~re feeling better . c JAC K : Yes Mary, it I s certaiiv.y good to have you ack on the showl P44RY : Well Jack, 1 hated to miss last Sunday ' s program, but I had that thing that's been going around . .Virus X . JACK : Yes . I know . That ' s why I sent over my doctor . MARY : Sorre doctor, JACK : Why, whatta wrong? MARY : I 1 ve got r,ews for you, he 's a horse doctor . JACK : He 3.s not a horse doctor ; MARY : i3e isnrt, eh? When he got to my house, he threw a blanket ~iver mo and walked me around the room to cool me off . JACK : No . h+ARY : When he sterted to Lra'd my hair, I , threw him out . aw3',r i JACK : uh well then that explains it y-On e day T called him up ...e bandages and toid him my ankles hurt and he sent f over fr,ur . .Well anyway, Mary, didn.et my doctor give you any advice at aIl? MARY : Yes . (LAUGHINGLY) He told :r.e I had Virus 7; and I shouldn ' t run iomorrow . JACK : Mary, l'm trying to be serious . What did he really tell you? DW P?PY{ 0 1 0 1 k'+4r+r'4 KARY: Well, he said it wasn't dar:gerous, gave me a nerscription and c•herged me t•en dollars . JACK : Uh. yARY : And he told me that three hundred thousand people had V irus .{ . JACK : (Thsee hundred thousand people at ten dollars a-- - Gee, that's even better than football .) MA3Y : Jack„o what are you mumbling about? ~qa f ~ JACK : Nothing, nothinr.TiSow come on . .this is our New Year's Show so let's get on with it, BOB --,~,,Sy the way, n.ave any of you kids mada New Year's ° resolutions'? DOY : I have . JACK : Oh, you have, Don? DON : Yam.Z .T4 made a resolution to cut my food in half, JACK : Well, r_'m glad to heer that . .it isn't good manners to take a whole turkey and stuff it in your mouth : DONr}'~ No no, Jack, T'm serious about losing weight . Itve given up breed, butter and potatoes, JACK : Don, if you ever stop eating potatoes, Idaho will secede from the IInion . .And epeaking of resolutions, I hope that Denni.s Day resolves not to annog me an=,?more with those--- BOB : %.~By the way, Jack, where is Dennis? JACK : Oh, he won't be here for the show . He gets sillier every day, .,FIe sent me a note saying that he wes in the hospital . .Stupid kid, expecting me to believe What he told me . DON : Waitia minute, Jack, there's a lot of sickness going around ., .Dennis could be in tine :iospital . 1?T ;Kpi 048 458 r. .t JACK : Having a ba MARY: Say, Zack4do you m4{ul 1f I don't stay for tne whole program? . .I'd like to leave early . JACK : b7hy, what do you have to do? MARY : Nothing, I just can f t stand thirty minutes o*' this . JACK : I don ' t blame you . .5ar, 3ob, as long as Dennis isnrt 'oere, _.:c,„4~,.»~ „-y~t~ ... -- would 7ou consider BOB : (3INCS) Many times, many tiares I have wanted iyQttmE9ti ss . JACK ; Wait for the orchestrat . BOB : .G,A(V m sorry~ JACK : 'Pake itt fellows . .Yihet an eeger beaver . (APPLIME ) (BOBI$ 80PIG - nMAPIY TINES") (APPLAUSE) LW t3T ;! 0 7 C)t8 45 83 (SECOND ROUPINE) -6- JACK:/'hO"That was Bob Crosby singing "Many Times" . .and very good, Bob, very good . BOB : And no w fo an ncore I wil sing--- JACK ; Bob, we 0 y need one sa very important . (SOUND : KNOCK ON DOOR) JACK : Now who sgn that be? . .COME IN . ~ (SOUND ; DOOR OPENB) JACK: Hey, it's Mel Blanc : (SLIGHT MOOLEY) I hope. MEL I'm not interrupting nothing, Mr . Benny . - JACK : No, no . .what did you want, Mel? - MEL : I wanted to tell you that I'm available again .
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