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Hungarian Same-Sex Couples and Their Families of Origin Renegotiating Kinship

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Hungarian Same-Sex Couples and Their Families of Origin Renegotiating Kinship BALLOONS WITH CANDLES - HUNGARIAN SAME-SEX COUPLES AND THEIR FAMILIES OF ORIGIN RENEGOTIATING KINSHIP RITA BÉRES-DEÁK Dissertation Submitted to Central European University Department of Gender Studies In partial fulfilment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Comparative Gender Studies Supervisor: Hadley Z. Renkin Budapest, Hungary 2016 CEU eTD Collection DECLARATIONS Copyright in the text of this dissertation rests with the Author. Copies by any process, either full or in part, may be made only in accordance with the permission of and the instructions given by the Author. I hereby declare that this dissertation contains no materials previously accepted for any other degree in any other institution and no materials previously written and/or published by another person, except where the appropriate acknowledgement is made in the form of bibliographical reference. Rita Béres-Deák CEU eTD Collection 2 Abstract The focus of my dissertation is the relationship between same-sex couples and their families of origin. I argue that the nature of this relationship is strongly connected to the way the participants (heterosexual and non-heterosexual alike) interpret and enact the notion of kinship; thus, I underline individual agency in creating and evaluating family forms. I propose that the family is a prime site of intimate citizenship, as it is regulated by the state and mainstream discourses, but also because its functioning either complies with or challenges societal norms concerning the inclusion or exclusion of same-sex couples. In this sense, heterosexual family members can also stand up for or hinder the intimate citizenship of their non-heterosexual kin. At the same time, the family of origin of same-sex couples themselves have to manage a similar stigma to that of non-heterosexuals, but often without the discursive resources provided by the LGBTQ community. My dissertation is based on qualitative ethnographic research involving participant observation, ethnographic interviews, and the analysis of online and offline written sources. It addresses scholarship in the fields of intimate citizenship, kinship and sexual orientation. While the connection of these concepts have been studied in North American and Western European contexts, I propose that postsocialism, due to the stronger role played by family in people’s lives, the relative invisibility of same-sex relationships and strongly heteronormative and nationalistic discourses, produces different constraints and opportunities to the reinterpretation of kinship to include non-heterosexual intimate arrangements. By studying the discourses and practices by which same-sex couples and their families of origin claim CEU eTD Collection intimate citizenship I highlight strategies that might be different from Western ones and thus expand our knowledge about individual agency in claiming recognition to alternative family forms. 3 Acknowledgements I am greatly indebted to all the people from the Hungarian LGBTQ community and their families who have shared with me stories and in some cases events from their lives. This dissertation would not have come to life without you, and I am trying to do my best to give you voice and provide increased visibility for stories like yours. I thank my supervisor, Hadley Z. Renkin, who exhibited remarkable patience in reading and dutifully commenting umpteenth versions of prohibitively long chapters. I have received invaluable support from others as well at the Gender Studies Department of Central European University, including (but not limited to) professors Éva Fodor, Elissa Helms and Susan Zimmermann, as well as my fellow students Dóri Rédai, Barna Szamosi, Ráhel Kati Turai and Theo Vacarescu. Academics outside CEU who have helped me a lot include Anna Borgos, Roman Kuhar and Judit Takács. For information on the legal background I am indebted to Tamás Dombos, one of the few legal experts I know who can actually speak in a way intelligible to ordinary humans. Csilla Faix-Prukner and Krisztián Rózsa, family therapists and leaders of the Foundation for Rainbow Families, have provided me with valuable sites for fieldwork, as well as psychological literature and friendship. I am indebted to my friends, who for these six long years have helped me with encouragement, support and cat pictures on Facebook. I am grateful to my parents for being much nicer and more flexible than many described on the following pages. Last but not least, I would never have been able to write this dissertation without my family, András and Kristóf. András stood by me through all the ups and downs of fieldwork and writing, exhibiting enormous patience and love. Kristóf spent most of the time of writing on my lap, purring. I am privileged to be loved by two such marvellous creatures. CEU eTD Collection 4 Contents Dissertation ............................................................................................................................................... 1 DECLARATIONS .................................................................................................................................... 2 Abstract ..................................................................................................................................................... 3 Acknowledgements ................................................................................................................................... 4 Chapter I: Introduction .......................................................................................................................... 667 I.1. The context: family in (post)socialist Hungary ....................................................................................... 9910 I.2. Why same-sex couples and families of origin? ................................................................................... 171718 I.3. The structure of the dissertation .......................................................................................................... 212122 I.4. A note on terminology ........................................................................................................................ 252526 Chapter II. Family as a site of intimate citizenship ......................................................................... 272728 II.1. Agency............................................................................................................................................... 282829 II.2. The intimate citizenship perspective ................................................................................................. 333334 II.3. Definitions of kinship and family ..................................................................................................... 444445 II.4. Non-heterosexual kinship .................................................................................................................. 535354 Chapter III: Methodology ............................................................................................................... 707071 III.1. The community ................................................................................................................................ 707071 III.2. Research methods ............................................................................................................................. 787879 III.3. The background of interlocutors ...................................................................................................... 909091 III.5. The researcher’s position ........................................................................................................... 101101102 III.6. Ethical questions ........................................................................................................................ 104104105 Chapter IV. Interpretations of kinship in Hungarian mainstream and LGBTQ discourses ....... 108108109 IV.1. Official theories of kinship and their challenges ........................................................................ 109109110 IV.2. Blood and genes ......................................................................................................................... 119119120 IV.3. Kinship as responsibility ............................................................................................................ 132132133 IV.4. Kinship as choice ....................................................................................................................... 142142143 Chapter V: Visibility ................................................................................................................. 151151152 V.1. Problematizing the outness/closet dichotomy ............................................................................. 153153154 V.2. Coming out in the Hungarian LGBTQ community: discourses and strategies ........................... 163163164 V.3. The family closet ......................................................................................................................... 173173174 V.4. Visibility, kinship and agency ..................................................................................................... 180180181 Chapter VI. Same-sex couples in the family of origin .............................................................. 192192193 VI.1. Factors influencing family attitudes towards same-sex couples ................................................ 195195196 CEU eTD Collection VI.2. Kinship practices performing
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