Dizzee New Heights The Rascal returns: an interview with the man who fixed up, and looks sharp - Page 8

No. 616 The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Friday February 25, 2005 ll we Bar Admissions report y shows black student Luc applications only 1/3 of national average Sam Richardson there is an increasing emphasis on year. Whilst this week’s admis- the outreach work done by sions figures have shown some TWO YEARS after Varsity first Colleges and Departments in improvement, it is clear that highlighted the scarcity of black educational enrichment, through there is much more to be done to students in Cambridge, there are the provision of masterclasses, encourage black students to still fewer black undergraduates study days and a myriad of excel- apply to Cambridge.” at the University than there are lent online resources.” Pav Akhtar, the NUS’s Black students or academics with the Nikhil Gomes, co-ordinator Students’ Officer, said that surname White. of GEEMA (Group to “When I went to Cambridge Last year’s admissions statistics, Encourage Ethnic Minority from a working class background which were revealed this week, Applications) said that the prob- it was a complete culture shock. show that only 1.4% of students lem with attracting black stu- Black students can often feel iso- who applied to Cambridge were dents to Cambridge lies in the lated”. The BBC documentary black. This is less than a third of perceptions of the University Black Ambition, which followed a the national average, and margin- both nationally and internation- number of black Cambridge stu- ally lower than Oxford. Black ally: “If you come from a back- dents, attempted to show a dif- students who were interviewed ground where there is not a great ferent story. A university were less than half as likely to get deal of knowledge surrounding spokesperson said the program in as white students. the Cambridge admissions sys- did “a great service for the uni- The University does not in tem, then obviously Cambridge versity, by bringing to light the fact know the full number of can be quite daunting. GEEMA flourishing diversity of our black students who apply to continues to run outreach and undergraduate student body.” On the move: a view from inside Cambridge’s black community - Interview with BAC, page 7. Cambridge, because the right to access work, and over the last few Opinions within Cambridge Comment, Chine Mbuaegbu, page 7. How to fill a black hole, Editorial, page 11 anonymity under data protection years has concentrated on stu- seem to be positive. A recent legislation means some appli- dents as young as Year 9.” survey by this newspaper found cants do not disclose their eth- The new focus on younger that over 80% of students felt nicity. The University’s confi- pupils is likely to go some way that there was no ethnic preju- dential figures suggest that there towards pacifying figures like dice in Cambridge. A separate Fresh attack on A-Level policy are at least 88 black undergradu- David Lammy, the black MP for survey of interview candidates Oliver Tilley believe there is any need to retain admissions burden, with a greater ates – two more than there were Tottenham, who said “Your inves- also revealed that students from the old terminology of A-levels provision for stretching the two years ago. tigation confirms that both ethnic minorities showed no dis- THE UNIVERSITY has issued and GCSEs in a new educational brightest students and the ability Dr Geoff Parks, Director of Oxbridge and other Russell cernible difference to white can- a statement criticising the govern- era and are still hopeful that the to view individual module scores Admissions for the Cambridge Group universities have to con- didates in their assessment of the ment’s decision not to scrap the Government will reconsider the of each candidate’s A-levels. Colleges, said “Given these fig- tinue to do more to ensure that interview process. A-level and GCSE after it pub- introduction of a single diploma But the government’s senior ures, it’s difficult to say that things they know the names of head- New Statesman columnist lished a white paper on 14-19 when it revisits this issue in 2008.” education advisor, Sir Mike are moving in the right direction. teachers of inner city schools in Darcus Howe told Varsity yester- year old education on Wednesday. The government’s white paper Tomlinson, disapproved of the They make us realise that, even areas like Tottenham, Lambeth, day that “In a recent experience in The critique comes after the outlined significant reform in government’s plans. Tomlinson, though we’re putting in a lot of Peckham and Brixton. They Trinidad, an extremely bright publication on Monday of secondary education, including whose proposed blueprint rec- effort already, there is much more must work together to ensure that young woman, having been Cambridge’s admissions statistics plans to introduce an overarching ommended an obligatory yet to do.” their pupils are prepared to apply, advised by me to apply to for 2004, which revealed that the ‘diploma’ for students at age 14 diploma for all 14-19 year olds, Parks also pointed to the and that on application they are Oxbridge, reacted as though I was University had to reject close to and building 200 vocationally led said “What is proposed yet broader national perspective. “It is well positioned to get in.” mad – that it was humanly 5,300 straight-A applicants. Dr. schools and 12 skills academies. again risks emphasising the becoming increasingly apparent CUSU President Wes impossible for a black person to Geoff Parks, Director of But it did not advocate the aboli- distinction between the voca- that in addition to ‘evangelising’ – Streeting also emphasised the get in unless they were from a cer- Admissions at Cambridge, said tion of A-Levels. tional and the academic.” encouraging students from national nature of the problem. tain social caste. Cambridge is out “The University was very much in Cambridge continues to rise in Cambridge’s admissions statis- under-represented groups to con- “The current situation facing of our reach as black people, not favour of the Tomlinson propos- popularity, with a 7.2% increase tics also showed an increase in sider Cambridge – there are many black students in the UK marks a academically but socially.” als, so we are naturally disappoint- in applications in 2004 combined female intake, from 48% in 2003 instances where we need to sup- complete failure; not of theirs, ed that the government has cho- with a 4.1% decrease in accept- to 52% in 2004, while the number port their schools in helping them but of the education system, - Analysis: page 7 sen not to implement them in ances. Many of the government’s of acceptances from the grant- fulfil their potential. That’s why which lets them down year on - Editorial: page 11 full.” He added: “We do not proposals will ease this obvious maintained sector increased by 1%.

HIGH HORSES PAGE 5 LOOKING SHARP PAGE 8 COLLAGE CULTURE PAGE 12 PURLS OF WISDOM PAGE 17

INVENTING GOD PAGE 19 CHICKEN COUP PAGE 21 LAW OF THE LAING PAGE 24 MEAN MACHINE PAGE 26 2 NEWS February 25, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

News in Brief NUS anti visa hike campaign

Oxford Snobbery wer

Oxford University has found e Ma its admissions procedures under fire once again after Clair the leak of internal guide- lines suggesting that tutors give preference to postgradu- ate applicants from ‘presti- gious’ universities rather than ‘weak’ or ‘second-rate’ ones. The head of an organi- sation representing universi- ties established after 1992 stated that the document ‘reeked of snobbery’.

Fatal Cure

A Swedish research assistant living in Cambridge died after swallowing a cocktail of prescribed drugs and paracetamol in an attempt to alleviate her hangover. The substances combined with CUSU President Wes Streeting leads a student protest in London against the government’s recent decision to increase visa charges for oversea’s students. the alcohol present in her bloodstream to fatal effect. Anna McIlreavy the government’s recent deci- protests like this have a good want the government to think ties, which would not only cre- The inquest recorded a ver- sion to increase charges for chance of getting real results. hard about these charges for ate a large hole in the income dict of misadventure. CUSU PRESIDENT Wes visa extensions. Although the government have international students.” of such institutions, but more Streeting led a demonstration Students from Cambridge, released the increase in visa She told the Minister of importantly detract from the in London on Wednesday Liverpool and Warwick attended extensions for overseas stu- State Des Browne that there aim to attract the intellectual Winehouse in against the government’s recent the event, which has been herald- dents de facto, it is subject to were many students in her con- elite from all over the world, Doghouse decision to increase visa charges ed as a resounding success. annual review. This system stituency who would find without financial bias. for overseas students. Streeting called the lobby “huge- means that consistent pressure themselves badly out of pocket Overseas students are The tsunami fundraiser con- Streeting led fellow students ly successful” and commented on from students, and support under the new arrangements. becoming increasingly wary of cert which was to be held at in a campaign organised by Anne Campbell’s support. from MPs such as Anne She also pointed out to the being packaged as a financial the Junction on Wednesday the NUS outside the Home The student campaigners hit Campbell, could lead to minister that the move does not commodity. Streeting cited the night has been postponed Office in the morning, fol- triumphant recognition when changes within 12 months. do much to promote interna- example of the fall in the num- after headlining singer Amy lowed by a lobby in the House three of their questions were Campbell said, “International tional relations. She called Mr ber of applicants from China Winehouse dropped out due of Commons, where Anne raised to the parliamentary students studying in the UK Browne to exempt students last year. He says that China is to illness. The organisers of Campbell, Labour MP for table, and their petition, which make an enormous contribution from the new arrangements. a key market in the global Sama Sama have promised Cambridge, addressed stu- is signed by more than 140 to the wider economy in the UK It is thought that further financial system, a “sleeping that all tickets will be valid dents and members of parlia- MPs, now presents strong through being students but also costs added onto the overseas giant that is beginning to stir” for the rescheduled date or ment. The day of protesting opposition to the manifesto. through their research. This fees may deter prospective due to its economic growth can be refunded. highlighted student anger at Streeting added that student increase is not justified and I applicants to British universi- and population size.

Record-breaking Campaign Still no Union building This week Cambridge SPEAK Lost teens Amy Goodwin ated with CUSU’s current ing is crap.Students know our group helped launch the Trumpington Street headquar- building is crap. The University World’s Biggest Dress, a cre- CUSU RELEASED a report ters. “The building is inaccessi- knows our building is crap”. ative petition forming part of this week urging the University ble to wheelchair users. Small Although CUSU admits there the Make Poverty History cam- to ‘fulfil the obligations placed on corridors and tight stairwells is a shortage of space in the city paign. 150 of the 7000 squares it by the 2004 Disability prevent CUSU from providing centre, it emphasises the impor- of fabric which make up the Discrimination Act’ by commit- the best services it can to stu- tance of the project for student dress were made and sewn ting itself to the provision of a dents with disabilities”. welfare and cites Oxford’s together in Cambridge. On Union Building for all. The report also noted that University Centre as an example each square campaigners have Past CUSU Presidents have since CUSU relocated to the of a ‘modern, centrally located expressed their views on multi- pressed the case for new, acces- present premises in 1990 the purpose-built facility’. national trade exploitation. sible premises which can range of services and provisions it Streeting added, “Students accommodate the services and offers “has increased dramatically, will no doubt be as sick and facilities students require, as and consequently so have the tired of hearing about the lack Snowy the dog well as providing the central staffing levels”. The cramped of an accessible union building Missing: Laura Callaghan (left) and Tammy Addison (right). student venue currently missing and dilapidated building is as we are of talking about it”. It has been snowing sporadi- from the University. “struggling to keep up with the The University’s lack of com- cally for most of the past The report, entitled ‘The pace” of CUSU’s work. President mitment has meant that week, with nothing that Police appeal for help in Case for a Union Building’, Wes Streeting made the blunt CUSU has been forced to raise actually settled on the highlights the problems associ- admission “We know our build- the issue once again. ground. So no snowball finding missing girls fights unfortunately. TWO TEENAGERS who respectively. Laura is went missing from their homes described as 5ft 1in and of in Bicester, Oxfordshire, last medium build with brown Student debt increase First We Take week are believed to be staying shoulder-length hair and Manhattan in the Cambridge area. blue-green eyes. Tammy is 5ft Lucy Phillips rise in property prices. Nigel Snell, the head of Thames Valley Police are 4ins, of medium build with If 70 per cent of all 18 to 21- external affairs at the New night to be unveiled appealing for help in finding long mousey blonde hair and ANATION-WIDE study has year-olds were in higher educa- Liverpool Victoria Friendly Thursday, March 3rd - 9.30 the girls who were last seen in blue-green eyes. estimated that today’s toddlers tion by this time - the figure Society, said students and their onwards at The Kambar. £3 Bicester last Friday. Detective Det Con Willis said: “I will have notched up on average being predicted - there would be families would have to save before 11 and £4 thereafter. Constable Steve Willis, of would like to stress to the girls £43,825 of debt by the time they a total graduate debt mountain in more in the future to fund ‘Fierce’ apparently and should Bicester CID, said: “I appeal to their families are extremely graduate from university. 2023 of nearly £90 billion. children through university. showcase lots of promising anyone who may have seen the worried about them. If they The research, published last The study has also revealed Mr. Snell said: “Although student DJ talent, with much girls or has information about see this appeal then please call week, was carried out by the that when children born in 2002 everyone knows life gets more of ‘electro’, ‘rhythm ‘n blues’, their whereabouts to contact their families or the police to ‘Liverpool Victoria Friendly attend university students they expensive between birth and ‘new wave’ and special guests police immediately.” let us know they are safe.” Society’ and also predicts that will pay £7.56 for a pint of beer adulthood, the substantial White Magic (Drag City) - The two girls – Laura Anyone with information by 2023 nearly all young adults (£2.65 today), £6.66 for a Big increases in certain costs that we Time Out NY’s ‘Best New Callaghan (above left) and should contact the police on 08458 will have a degree. But they Mac meal (£3.29 currently) and are predicting will have a dra- Band in New York’. Tammy Addison (above 505 505 or contact Crimestoppers will be forced to live at home £16.56 for an adult cinema tick- matic effect on the furture choic- right), are aged 15 and 16 on 0800 555 111. for longer due to the expected et (£5.80 today). es of today’s babies. NEWS www.varsity.co.uk February 25, 2005 3

College for sale on eBay Cambridge wins Varsity wine tasting contest lan Goodwin A

View of Oxford: Brasenose College in the foreground and Lincoln College in the background

Lucy Phillips released a notice to the potential bringing the college into disre- THE CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY Blind Wine Tasting team made history on Wednesday buyers saying: “Please be aware pute and for abusing computer by retaining their title at the 52-year-old Varsity match. A STUDENT from Lincoln that item 6156205543 - facilities.” The culprit was also The event took place at the Oxford and Cambridge Club at St James’, London, where six stu- College, Oxford, attempted to Brasenose College, Oxford, in made to apologise personally to dents at each of the Universities had to distinguish the country and region of origin, grape variety auction off its rival Brasenose which you were a bidding partic- the Principal of Brasenose. and vintage of a selection of wines. It was a close contest with only 16 points out of 1440 deciding College on eBay this week. ipant, has been ended early by Head Porter Kevin Keen it in Cambridge’s favour. The match was judged by wine experts Bill Baker and Jancis Robinson. An unnamed student at eBay as it appears to offer an item from Lincoln College con- Benjamin Drew, a second year economist at Peterhouse and captain of the winning team, said Warwick University gave the or contains material which is pro- firmed that a “student had been “Given the hard work and determination that everyone put in, I am glad the result did us jus- highest bid –of £10 million – hibited for sale on eBay. Because given disciplinary action” fol- tice.” The prize was a trip to one of the foremost Champagne houses in Epernay, France. before the college was removed the item was ended early, you as a lowing the incident. He added Prior to the event the team trained twice a day for two weeks, beginning at 10 o’clock every from the internet at the request of bidder are not required to com- that most people felt, “it was a morning. Drew added “Right now I don’t ever want to touch another glass of wine in my life!” the college procters. The bids plete the transaction.” very, very good prank, done in LP commenced at £5. Lincoln College imposed a slightly bad taste.” EBay Customer Support £50 fine on the prankster “for Brasenose refused to comment.

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show 4 NEWS February 25, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk Contaminated food King’s online archive Amelia Worsley have been checked against the Tesco, Somerfield, Iceland, the Natasha Anders records important elements of plans for the Cambridge Arts FSA’s list of affected products”. Co-op and Marks and Spencer the history of King’s College Theatre from the 1930’s. HUNDREDS OF products Products containing Sudan I have been affected, as well as a KING’S COLLEGE has itself as well as providing The new online service offers have been withdrawn from col- have in many cases been prevent- McDonald’s low-fat Caesar salad recently received £30,000 from records for 164 manors, proper- a chance for researchers to study lege butteries and supermarket ed from being delivered to col- dressing. the Heritage Lottery Fund, ties and land in 30 counties, many different elements of his- shelves after being contaminated leges since many suppliers have Premier Foods stressed that allowing improved access to with estates dispersed across tory related to Cambridge and by Sudan I, an illegal carcinogen. “treated the problem at the the withdrawal was merely a College estate records in its the country from St Michael’s estates owned, by the use of Sudan I is a red dye used for source”. Mr Reverchan, head of “precautionary measure”, since archive centre. Mount in Cornwall to Allerton records such as court rolls, colouring solvents, oils and catering at Emmanuel College, “the levels at which Sudan I The donation has allowed the Mauleverer in Yorkshire. accounts and maps. waxes. It has been banned for use said “the problem was dealt with occurs in the products con- Archive Centre to put the The collection of records Project Archivist Jude in foodstuffs in the UK and by our nominated supplier before cerned present no immediate details of these records online includes 164 manors, properties Brimmer, said: “It really is a across the EU since July 2003. the delivery came”. risk to health.” so they can be easily accessed by and land in 30 counties and marvellous collection, with a However, it was present in chilli The FSA predicted last Dr Julie Sharp, of Cancer anyone. At the moment the documents a vital part of the great deal to offer local and fam- powder used by Premier Foods to week that all contaminated Research UK, echoed these catalogue is held on a card history of the college, including ily historians from all over the make a Worcester sauce that was products would be removed sentiments in a statement that index system which can only be records of estates in England country – as well as to anyone then used in hundreds of other from supermarket shelves by said “people who had already accessed in the King’s College given to the college by Henry with an interest in the develop- products including soups, sauces yesterday. It advised people eaten foods that had been Archive Centre. The new fund- VI following its foundation in ment of the College itself.” and ready meals. who find contaminated prod- contaminated had no reason ing will cover the cost of a qual- 1441. Many of these were the The Archive Centre’s cata- Mr Tony Smith, head chef at ucts in their homes to either to panic. The risk of cancer in ified archivist who will convert lands of the so-called alien pri- logued collections are available Gonville and Caius College, gave discard them or return the humans from Sudan I has not this to an online database. ories, such as the Norman to be seen, free of charge assurances that Cambridge col- foods to the supermarket been proven and any risk from The catalogue in question is Abbey of Bec, confiscated by Monday to Thursday, 9.30 am - lege food is safe to eat. He said: where they bought them, these foods is likely to be very a collection of records which the Crown in 1414. 12.30 pm and 1.30 pm - 5.15 “The retail market should be where they will be refunded. small indeed.” document community life in Items have also been docu- pm. Visits are by appointment more worried about the situa- Own-label lines from Asda, But Dr Bell, an FSA England from the Middle Ages mented such as Letters Patent only, and those interested tion... All the products we use Waitrose, Morrisons, Sainsbury’s, spokesman, stressed, “It is not to the present day. Some of the of Henry VIII from 1536 fea- should phone 01223 331 444 or sensible for people to be con- charters are court records turing an example of the Great e-mail: tinuing to eat these products.” which date as far back as the Seal. More recently, there are [email protected] The Food Standards 11th century. The collection the original documents and

y Phillips Agency said that people eating contaminated products over a gbu Luc

long period of time were most ae at risk. The FSA has been criticised for waiting nearly two weeks to make a public announcement after being notified of a potential problem Chine Mbub by supplier Premier Foods on 7 February.

A full list of the contaminated products is available on the FSA website, www.food.gov.uk. Many supermarkets have had to withdraw contaminated products

meat issue

King’s College, Cambridge. A recent donation has enabled documents to be put online three HIV awareness push Joe Gosden ‘The Drugs Don’t Work’ by one of the greatest injustices.” out The Verve, the society aim to He added: “The phoney TO PROMOTE their cam- provide information to the pharmacy will hopefully bring paign for equal access to anti- public and to lobby for action this to the attention of people in retroviral HIV treatment, the at a political level for what they Cambridge, and help us to raise now University’s Stop Aids Society say is a necessary step on the awareness of this critical issue”. plans to open “Bush and road to making poverty history DHIVERSE is one of the meat arts magazine; Blair’s Phoney Pharmacy” at in third world countries. oldest HIV and sexual health STUDENT 11am in Market Square on The arrival of the “Phoney charities and is at the forefront MEDIA good looking mind expansion. Friday 25 February. Pharmacy” in Cambridge is of the campaign to raise aware- AWARDS short stories, comics, social Working with DHIVERSE, part of the launch of a two year ness about Aids. General WINNER a local HIV and sexual health DHIVERSE campaign to raise Manager Luke Mallet said comment and shit hot charity, and using an old ice awareness about the problems “Access to treatment is critical illustration. cream van disguised as a drugs that HIV poses and to tackle to the survival of millions of dispensary, they intend to hold what the society call the people living with HIV and “radical awareness-raising “inequalities, stigma and dis- Aids across the world. event” to act as a reminder that crimination that surround HIV Shamefully, entitlement to political leaders need to ensure both in the UK and overseas”. HIV treatment is also becom- ON SALE IN BORDERS access to aids medication in Will Horowitz, of the ing an issue within the UK, it developing countries. Student Stop AIDS Society, no longer seems to be the case SMALL BUDGET PUBLICATION OF THE YEAR, BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN; RUNNER-UP. Through the use of cam- said “The HIV/Aids pandem- that everyone living in the UK Shortlisted for the EMAP fanzine awards- paigners dressed in Bush and ic across the world is one of with HIV will be entitled to BEST STUDENT MAGAZINE Blair costumes and a sound- the greatest crises of our gen- ongoing treatment from the track including songs such as eration, and our failure to act is NHS if they need it”. "Lovingly done, incredibly creative...and well-executed” NEWS www.varsity.co.uk February 25, 2005 5 Michael McCrum 1924-2005 Hunting ban Chine Mbubaegbu he served in the Royal Navy and Professor Richard said: “In the Henry Bowen venting the hounds “chasing ffice then won a scholarship to Corpus University, he belonged to a what they’ve been brought up

ess O A FORMER Cambridge Christi College, Cambridge group of young, reforming mem- THE BAN on hunting in to chase”. r University Vice-Chancellor has where he gained a Double First in bers of the Council of the Senate England and Wales came into Other legal ways of hunting died at the age of 80. Michael Classics on graduating in 1948. in the 1960s who can truly be force on Saturday amid wide- include using terriers to flush rsity P McCrum, former headmaster of After becoming a fellow the said to have formed modern col- spread protests from both out prey to be shot, and drag ve Eton and Master of Corpus college a year later, he became a legiate Cambridge through the hunters and anti-hunt hunting with an artificial scent.

Uni Christi, was described by the Director of Studies in Classics establishment of, among other activists. The Hunting Act With only one month left of current Vice-Chancellor as within two years, holding the things, the new Colleges and the bans hunting with dogs of all the season, Trinity Foot are someone who would be remem- post until 1962. Colleges Fund, as well as the animals except rabbits and planning on being “cautious” bered for his “personal kindness After leaving Cambridge, he University Centre. rats. But hunts turned out in after the introduction of the and dry humour.” became headmaster of “He was a natural choice to force on the first day of the new legislation. Professor Alison Richard Tonbridge School and then be Vice-Chancellor and gave ban hoping to “exploit loop- Mr Higgs called the ban a said that she was saddened by Eton College, where his reform- the two-year assignment his holes” in what they claim is a “nonsense” as he explained the news of his death, saying: ing and modernising skills deep commitment, especially badly drafted law. that Trinity Foot had been “He made many important helped to maintain the excellent in advancing the University Cambridgeshire Hunt and actively involved in monitor- contributions to the reputation of the school. business fairly and efficiently Trinity Foot Beagles were ing and conservation of hares. University… and, of course, his McCrum became Master of through the Council of the among the local groups demon- He derided the bill as “perni- College and the schools of Corpus Christi in 1980, where Senate, the General Board strating their opposition to the cious” because in the long which he was headmaster.” his reforming technique included and the Financial Board.” new legislation at the weekend. term “animal welfare will be Mr McCrum was born in him overseeing the matriculation McCrum died on 16 February The Trinity Foot Beagles have worse off ” as hunts are often Hampshire in 1924. After going of the first female students into 2005. Details of a memorial an unofficial link with the best informed about the to school at Sherborne in Dorset, the college in 1982. service are to be announced. Cambridge University and were size and behaviour of local set up in 1862 for the benefit of hare populations. its students. Although dwin- Yesterday the attorney gen- dling numbers have forced eral Lord Goldsmith asserted CUSU encourage student voting them to amalgamate with that the hunting ban would be another local hunt, they still enforced like any other law. Mark Padley ister to vote and how to vote”, was no political motivation the 2001 general election. have strong student representa- There has been concern from and by organising “hustings for behind the plans and that “stu- CUSU have noted that such tion among their members. anti-hunt protesters that hunt- CUSU IS set to launch a cam- political candidates”. dent interests will be best low levels of electoral participa- Matthew Higgs, Master of ing was being given a low pri- paign to encourage students to Over the coming months served” if they take a more tion not only damage democra- Trinity Foot, said that “we ority as police were encouraged engage with the political they will be looking for stu- active role in selecting Britain’s cy but also weaken the student don’t intend to break the law, to concentrate on preserving process in what is likely to be a dent volunteers to run the government. voice on all political issues. instead we are looking for public order during hunts. In a general election year. campaign and to formulate This ‘get out the vote’cam- When Cambridge students possible ways around it”. He written letter to parliament, CUSU intend to help stu- further ideas on how CUSU paign comes at a time when launch campaigns on important suggested that they may try Goldsmith stated that “it is not dents make an informed choice can help students participate national voter turn out was just issues, such as top-up fees, their hunting rabbits rather than for the attorney general to sus- and raise awareness about how in national polls. below 60%, with 60% of males credibility is damaged by their hares, as they are exempt from pend an act of Parliament and to vote by delivering informa- CUSU President, Wes and only 46% of females previous failure to engage with the ban, although he conceded introduce a blanket policy of tion to students on “how to reg- Streeting, stressed that there between 18 and 24 voting in the political process. that it will be difficult pre- non-enforcement.” Applications now welcomed for the position of Varsity Business Manager

Deadline: 5pm Thursday 3rd March A full time salaried position: £14,500 to £20,000 p.a. The perfect opportunity for anyone wanting a year’s experience in the world of business, media management, advertising, marketing or media law Application details now available from Eve Williams, 11/12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge, CB2 1QA 01223 353 422 [email protected] Model Student 2005 See this year’s Model Students, as voted by you, at The Cambridge Fashion Show 2005 on Sunday 6th March at The Guidhall.For more infor- mation or to find out details of your college ticket rep, check out: www.cambridgefashionshow.com

James K, Emmanuel Claudia, Trinity cambridge fashionshow ANALYSIS www.varsity.co.uk February 25, 2005 7 Not as simple as black and white ve hi

Kate Ward talks to Dave Ziyambi rc from the Black and Asian Caucus y A arsit THE STATISTICS unveiled as they are focussed on issues which reasons why black students don’t V part of an investigation into the it is considered refer specifically apply are (in the main) the same number of black students seem to black students. He went on: “I reasons why students from other to reveal a worrying trend, with am not quite sure that tailoring a ethnic groups choose not to only 1.4 percent of applicants campaign to black people to get apply. “Being far away from being black. The explanation of them to come to Cambridge is home” and “the Oxbridge stig- the low levels of black student effective… rather we should ma” were mentioned most in application is commonly focus on the pros and cons of school visits that have been explained by a perception of coming to Cambridge. By doing organised by the BAC. Cambridge as a socially and eth- so we make the reasons for com- But the question remains as to nically restrictive environment. ing the same for everyone”. why this negative stereotyping As Dave Ziyambi, co-presi- continues. Ziyambi does admit dent of the Black and Asian Ziyambi feels that there is racism in Cambridge but Caucus, commented, many black issues of race should he argues “racism is everywhere, students would be drawn to be made secondary not just in Cambridge; its going “LSE and UCL, which are just to be in every university you go as good academically and won’t to the advantages to.” Despite this, stories continue be considered as pompous. Cambridge offers about racial stereotyping, leading People just don’t consider what some to argue that rather than it’s actually like”. The reality of He says that regardless of one’s being a product of the student Cambridge is very different skin colour, one should still be community racism is institution- from the image which persists focussing on the fact that alised. Af Oliver, a third year stu- outside the university: “to sa that “Cambridge is prestigious, and dent at Trinity Hall, and member there is very little prejudice here that appeals to everyone”. It of BAC argued that there is “tol- is just a gross generalisation… seems that by isolating black stu- erance of a kind of institution- too often people make decisions dents in the policies of the access alised racism”. He used the without talking to the people campaigns before they apply it example of the recent ‘Colonials that are involved”. only compounds the view held and Natives’ night at Ballare, The work of the access officers, among many outside the univer- reasoning that “the fact that both at university level and in sity that they will exist in a Sholto Mayne-Hanvey felt projects run by the individual col- minority and not as a part of the comfortable enough to put on a Issue 575 of Varsity brought to wider attention the limited number of black students in Cambridge leges, has been criticised. whole university community. night like that shows that many the stereotypes I fit... the way I He says “a lot of the black people image of Cambridge is changing Ziyambi argues that access drives As Ziyambi says”‘you are of these [prejudiced] attitudes talk and the way I dress”. here do not have that much of a and that future numbers of black which try and encourage more coming to university to get an are ingrained.” Oliver continues Ultimately however Ziyambi problem with being black in students will increase, it seems black students to apply to education, looking to get on “I feel that I’m treated differ- feels that issues of race should be Cambridge; the problems only however that ironically those Cambridge run the risk of with your life, you don’t always ently by members of the made secondary to the positive arise when attitudes and stereo- who campaign for them to apply achieving precisely the opposite want [race] issues thrust on University staff, especially advantages, both social and aca- types are unfairly applied”. reinforce the negative image effect to that intended, because you”. He went on to say that the porters, because of my race and demic, that Cambridge offers. BAC are optimistic that the which plagues this university.

“Evidence suggests that we are Applicants'Proportion chances of successful of being applicantsaccepted in to 2004, COMMENT not a group that see ourselves as Cambridgeby in ethnic 2004, origin. by ethnic origin CHINE MBUBAEGBU isolated from University life Chief News Editor simply because we are black”

90% Our investigation has highlighted simply on the colour of someone’s different, no matter how much of 80% once again the ‘shocking’ under- skin is to be guilty of the prejudice an issue it is for us ourselves. I ants ants representation of black students at that so many are fighting against. remember various incidents in 70% the University – an issue that Despite its small number, the which comments have been made becomes increasingly tiresome the University’s black community by members of the University’s 60% more and more it is brought up. remains a thriving and successful staff, for instance, being told at a Cambridge It is true that the number of one, with a large proportion of college dinner that I must not have 50% black people in Cambridge is a black students being amongst the been used to such ‘bland’ food or essful applic Oxford fraction of what it should be. But movers and shakers at the being told of the difficulty I must 40% National to dwell on the issue merely serves University, whether that is in their have faced finding other Nigerian 30% to cause tension both within the capacity as head of access initia- students at my college to share a black community that already tives such as GEEMA, or cultural flat with. A friend also told me 20% exists in Cambridge and externally. societies such as the Black and that, having turned up for a super- tion of succ The issue at hand is not as clear- Asian Caucus or in things that are vision, a supervisor said to him: 10% cut as people seem to believe. not directly linked to issues of eth- “I’m sorry, I’m expecting a stu- Chance of being accepted

opor There are some black people who nicity. Being black at Cambridge dent,” thinking that he, as a black

Pr 0% are militant about the under-repre- does not necessarily mean that person, couldn’t possibly have been sentation of black students at your main focus is on getting more a Cambridge undergraduate. Cambridge and there are some black people into the system or on Black students have been stopped, Indian White who choose to get on with their an insistence on maintaining your sometimes pulled out of larger eth- Chinese Pakistani Average own student life rather than cultural identity. Many black stu- nically diverse groups when simply Black other focussing on how hard done by we dents hold positions of power entering college gates and chal- Black African Bangladeshi as a people are. Each to their own. throughout the University – lenged as to their membership of Black Caribbean Stated ethnicity Not all black people are the same, including in areas of sport, media, the University. Such examples do Stated ethnicity just as a great variety of personali- theatre and music. Being black nothing for improving the image ties, backgrounds, likes and dislikes does not necessarily entail that you of Cambridge as an ‘ethnically exist amongst white people. cannot live your university life to restricting environment.’ The generalisations that exist the full. Nor does it mean that you There are certainly problems Explaining the admissions statistics when referring to black people at cannot feel at home in an environ- that need addressing, both in the the University are dangerous and ment that lacks black faces. admissions process and the way in THIS WEEK’S REPORT into comfortable with selecting The statistics show that frightening. Being a black Evidence suggests that we are which black students are treated Admissions at Cambridge Caribbean or African) have only Cambridge is more difficult to Cambridge student does not mean not a group that see ourselves as once here. The former, is not just University has shown a familiar a 7 percent chance of getting in to get into than Oxford for all that you have benefited from an isolated from University life simply the fault of the University. Several pattern: ethnic minorities con- Cambridge, with white appli- ethnic minorities aside from access scheme that enabled you to because we are black. There is, factors need to be taken into con- tinue to be less successful in cants have a 25 percent chance. Pakistani students, who were rise like a phoenix through the however, the problem that sideration, including the aspira- passing their interviews than It appears that despite access shown to have a 19 percent ashes of poverty and through the although it may not be an issue for tions and expectations of black white students. drives to encouraging applica- chance of gaining a place at ivory towers. Black people can go us, it remains a challenge for many communities around the country. The statistics confirm that tions, when it comes down to Cambridge but only a 9 perc- to Eton too, you know, and many Cambridge authorities. The way And of course the latter is not just those who identified themselves the interview being white gives net chance of sucess at an of the students that are here have black students are treated by some a problem for the University, but as ‘black other’ (who may be you a better statistical chance of Oxford interview. come from privileged back- of the ‘old school’ fellows serves to an issue that needs to be addressed British black, mixed race or not getting that place. Kate Ward grounds. To assume otherwise remind us that we are black and by our society as a whole. 8 INTERVIEW February 25, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk y Dizzee still just a rascal? s/Dean Chalkle ding Dizzee Rascal, a dominant force in UK urban music, talks about youth, influences, ambition y of XL Recor es t and Grime with Amit Gudka and Nikhil Shah cour e left school with nothing. only lit up the underground, but “They received me with open it off with the ladies there. He My school life was very also captured the attention of the arms man, I was surprised. Even smuggishly responds, “It was all imag “Icolourful, “ says Dizzee, music industry and media. XL though some people said they right…” and then breaks into a “But one thing I always concen- Records, the independent label didn’t understand my accent, the cheeky grin. “I thought they trated on was music- whether it behind acts such as the Prodigy, crowds were singing my choruses would be a lot more stush, but in was playing the drums, keyboard Basement Jaxx and The White back to me. I’ve made some mates fact they were a lot more loose, or guitar in school bands, DJing Stripes, were the first to react to out there like the Neptunes and even in their tuxedos and ball or MCing. And I was good at the potential of the sound that Lil’ Jon. I always come across as dresses, than I first expected. It English- writing and shit. The Dizzee was engineering. “Boy, someone who only wants to work other side of it was trouble”. after ‘I Luv You’ dropped I started alone. That’s not true- its just that “I want to go Dizzee was expelled from three seeing paper (money) and the bigger artists are so far into worldwide and different schools and was on the believed all this shit was actually what they do and so busy that its verge of another expulsion when going somewhere.” difficult for them to give you their affect the earth” Many within the UK all. I have to elevate myself to get was heavy! And I don’t even “I love it that stu- Garage/Grime scenes strongly on a level with these big boys. I’m want to talk about the rest! I dents may be from believe that influences of the Roll branching out in the UK though- want to come and do the rivals Deep Entourage, and in particular top underground producers like though (Cambridge University). different back- that of their leader, Wiley, were Youngstar and Wonder have pro- I love it that students may be grounds and areas, particularly important in shaping duced on my album ‘Showtime’ from different social back- Dizzee’s career. However, Dizzee (on the tracks ‘Stand Up Tall’ and grounds and areas, but the music but the music is has gradually distanced himself ‘Respect Me’ respectively). I see is still reaching them.” still reaching them” from Wiley and Roll Deep over myself as an artist, and I’m look- Finally we talk about Dizzee’s the past 2 years, giving them no ing forward to when I start role in the Christmas Band Aid he was 16. It is only when he credit on any of his recent releas- singing on my tracks!” single. “It was jokes man - they starts to speak fondly of the es, whilst Wiley dedicated a large Is Dizzee still interested in the called me in just to spit 4 bars. teacher, Tim Smith, who recog- part of the ‘shouts’ section on his UK Grime scene in which he was Boy, I flew in from Italy the night nised his musical talent and album to Dizzee and mentioned so influential? “I feel that I am one before and was going to go enthusiasm, that we realise this their falling out. When asked of the main pioneers. Sometimes straight out to LA afterwards so I really is a dreamy story of the about this, Dizzee responded, I find that hard to comprehend was exhausted. But it was a once troubled teenager from a high- “We don’t even talk any more. because I was just trying to bring in a lifetime musical opportunity. rise estate in Bow, E3, who came Target introduced me to Wiley, my music across. Wherever To be honest I had no idea about good. “Lunchtime, break time, and one day when the crew were Grime is going, it’s going- I’m just Band Aid before they got in touch after school, any time I could he recording the track ‘Bounce’ in a proud to have done my bit. The with me, but I began to under- would let me into the music room studio in Greenwich, I came up thing is, it don’t stop there for me. stand its importance after I found to use the computer and make with a chorus line that stuck. I want to go worldwide and affect out more about it.” tunes. That’s how he supported Since then I was part of the crew.” the earth. Music by the Neptunes Dizzee deservedly won the me- he pretty much kept me out Without a doubt being part of is just in the atmosphere at the Mercury music prize in 2003 for of trouble and in school by help- Roll Deep was a stepping-stone his debut album ‘Boy in the ing me with music”. to underground success, but “Band Aid was Corner’. Contrary to most expec- It wasn’t at school where Dizzee maintains that he was tations, he came back with an Dizzee’s real interest in music always independently working on jokes. They called even stronger and more refined started though. He never really his own album. “I’d be an arsehole me in just to spit second album, ‘Showtime’. intended to be an MC. In fact to forget Wiley completely, but I 4 bars. It was a Nonetheless, he still is eager for Dizzee started out as Jungle DJ was always doing my own shit.” more, mixing new sounds every- Dizzy D. “When I was 13 I had Could this mean that Dizzee’s old once in a lifetime day, whilst gaining recognition for these turntables, right.They were peers are simply trying to jump on opportunity” his unique style from further flung proper rubbish- belt drive, wood- his popularity bandwagon? parts of the world. en with a round pitch control. If Dizzee goes on to talk about moment, it’s the sound. I need my Raw, energetic flow. Frank, the belt broke we used elastic his musical influences.“Tupac and music to be doing that.” Would he gritty lyrics. Genre-defying beats. bands instead!” says Dizzee. Bone Thugs n Harmony were produce for other artists? “Part of He's already filling the airwaves, it “You know DJ Target yeah artists that I was always feeling. the reason I MC over my own can't be too long now before this (Target is one of the original First and foremost though, jungle tunes is that I know what could be boy in da corner's filling up the members of one of the leading has always driven me. Still, you’ll done to them.The Neptunes have atmosphere. grime crews, Roll Deep), he used find a mixture of everything in my shown their beats to the world by to sell me jungle records for £2 a music: the beat patterns in ‘I Luv using their own vocals, and now Tune into The Get Down Show on go.Then one day he just gave me You’ are similar to crunk (the style every artist wants to spit or sing CUR1350 on Thursday 3rd March everything. People would come over their productions.” It begs at 7.30pm for an XL Recordings round and we would make jungle Dizzee started the question; will Dizzee one day special. See www.cur1350.co.uk for tapes, and sometimes I’d grab the be bringing his unique production more details. mic and MC a bit. It was just a out as Jungle style further into the mainstream joke ting then”. DJ Dizzy D via artists like Britney Spears or Sign up to the Hip-Hop List at Dizzee goes on to describe his Justin Timberlake?! www.thehiphoplist.co.uk to win progression in a typically modest of hip hop emanating from the We quickly move on to other Dizzee and XL Recordings manner. “It just moved. I started Southern States of the USA). Dizzee’s views of performing at goodies. performing at youth clubs, then Also, my 3rd school was like 95% the New College,Oxford, May house parties, then bigger raves Asian, so I took on all these influ- Ball, and in particular how he hit and now it’s concerts”. When ences as well.” Dizzee then sings a asked about his ambitions, and couple of bars from some famous whether he ever dreamed of mak- bhangra tracks to us, whilst giving The Rascal responds ing it as a mainstream interna- all the relevant hand movements, tional artist, Dizzee replies “I was and then responds to our question never that sure, but I always of how he developed his own We say He say hoped to make it big. I kept on style, “By not giving a shit. I’ve making beats though.” always been open to different School...... “Turn up” The big break for Dizzee was sorts of music and had fun with it. Music...... “Makes the world go round” when ‘I Luv You’ came out on I’d try something new and muck Cambridge University...... “Wish I went” white label, and sold 8,000 copies, around with it.” Britney Spears...... “Give her one” a phenomenal achievement at a Dizzee’s rise from East UK Hip-hop...... “Me” time when a successful UK London pirate radio MC to inter- Valentine’s Day...... “You can’t see me” Garage release would only sell a national superstar has been mete- Mathematics...... “Everything” couple of thousand units. The oric. He has performed all over George Bush...... “Funny as fuck” harsh claps, the grating basslines the world, and told us about his Pussy...... “Yes please” The pioneer of Grime stands up tall and the rawness of the lyrics not experiences of gigs in New York: COMMENT www.varsity.co.uk February 25, 2005 9

America-bashing is for the lazy Broadside Arthur Cary

tation of the Second World War’s .net Why is it that so many of us Ifti ‘overpaid, oversexed and over e are made to feel intellectually here” rivalry? Probably not. inferior in Cambridge? I once Qurashi While Jacques Chirac was spout- .imag told a friend that there were no ing off sentiments like “We are all select amongst the elect, but it Americans today” an American I www seems to me there is a gulf knew in London was told that between those of us clever America deserved what it got on enough to get in here, as t’s always fun to watch Fox September 11th, by her British opposed to anywhere else, to piss News or to read Ann neighbour. An isolated incident? away three years and avoid ICoulter’s column. Almost as An American friend who came responsibility, and those of us much fun as mocking our colo- to visit me in Cambridge was told who are using Cambridge as a nial cousins across the Atlantic, in the same thing in the pub one stepping stone to becoming neu- fact. America-bashing is all the night. A recent edition of the rosurgeons or some such. vogue nowadays. From idle con- International Herald Tribune ran a I take my hat off to those of versations in the pub to the more story on the general discomfort you in the latter bracket with sophisticated circles of the City felt by Europeans, living and genuine brains, and ask you to and even in the higher echelons working in Europe, with remember me when I am spread of the EU, one can observe this American accents. across your operating table. sport. The best part about These sorts of sentiments But in response to my initial America-bashing is that, unlike undoubtedly reflect changing question, it is not the ‘intellectual’ most other sports, it requires little ideologies and changing circum- who does the real damage, oh no. exertion and even less thought. stances. In the post-Cold War It’s the ‘pseudo’. Take pseudo to It’s really easy: Americans are world, America and Europe no mean that girl in the pub shout- constantly providing us with lim- longer find themselves united by ing for ‘Rooooney’ (because she itless amounts of material. the fear of a common foe. A target of scorn. But a significant proportion of anti-Americanism adds nothing to public debate can’t name anyone else in the Everything from Janet Jackson’s America finds itself obsessed team) and generally taking the exposed breast (and the ensuing with the proper role for America the slower-tempered actions of headscarf ban are simply hostilities and snubs so evident whole ‘I’m into football thing’ one media frenzy) to President Bush’s on the world stage. American Europeans. Lest we mock too European responses to the pecu- today is by no means justified. step too far and rubbing - nay, exuberant youth provides yet politics are increasingly driven by harshly or judge too rashly we liar troubles we face today. Worst of all it serves only to strain slapping - it in your face. another opportunity for a punch- the fear of rising economic pow- should understand these changes Europeans think of the Patriot a relationship that already has Then apply it to that dickhead line; a little reminder that while ers in China and India and the and, more importantly, look to Act as a heinous breach of per- much to bear. Obviously, there is who seems to know everything they may be the richest, most growing challenges to American our own house first. sonal liberty. To many still room for the sly note or witty about music, politics, literature, powerful, most culturally perva- military might. Europe, in turn, Americans, though, it is a ration- observation. (forestry?) and religion without sive nation on the planet, at least in contrast is trying to define The truth is that al response to a foe that is per- It is not a question of guarding ever actually saying much. For we’re Europeans and civilised itself. Europeans are struggling America and Europe ceived as implacable and as dan- our comments. Rather we must those of us too polite, too meek, human beings. with the integration of growing gerous as Hitler. Americans can be careful that our comments do or perhaps (admittedly) too igno- Americans also do their part immigrant populations (read: draw on the same easily view the headscarf ban as a not come to define our percep- rant to scratch half an itch below contributing to the trans-Atlantic Muslims) and reforming our pool of cultural and violation of religious freedom. tions. Otherwise we run the risk the surface and expose the mis- banter. The New York Times ran institutions to meet the spread of ideological heritage But it is the French response to of repeating the darker mistakes creant’s outrageous prevaricating, banner headlines saying things American culture and Asian eco- the perceived dilution of secular of our forefathers, when the cari- we may walk away feeling a little like ‘They died for France, but nomic capacity. It is easy to see American sol- identity. Not to suggest that any cature grew to overshadow the disheartened and, well, stupid. France has forgotten’. A pair of The European world-view is diers torturing prisoners, of these measures are warranted, subject. Political correctness I implore you to take heart enterprising Congressmen had one of a fundamentally closer American voters denying homo- only that they must be viewed (whether you think it has run from this lustrous pearl of wis- French fries changed to Freedom world where the kind of ties sexual couples the right to marry, through the lens of history and amok or not) exists for a reason: dom: they’re blagging, and who fries in the Congressional mess. It forged across our own continent American liberties being over- current circumstance before they it is too easy for our language to wants to know about forestry makes Americans feel good about can be successfully applied to turned and think, ‘That bloody can be properly criticised. start shaping our perceptions. anyway. Go home, learn every- themselves too. They think: ‘Well other continents, but only with cowboy, how stupid do people The truth is that Europe and Americans aren’t going to be thing in the Encyclopaedia under we might not have Europe’s cul- time and through measured have to be to elect him twice?’ America draw on the same pool actively discriminated against, the letter ‘w’ and let battle com- ture, history or social institutions, reform. Americans see a closer But the truth is we have our own of cultural and ideological her- nor are their rights going to be mence. It is the ‘pseudo’ as but damnit, we’ve got the world as well; so much so as to versions of the Patriot Act and itage. There is no foreseeable or somehow circumscribed. opposed to the ‘intellectual’ who almighty Dollar, loads of tanks, verge on claustrophobia. A world Camp X-Ray, the Anti-Terror even conceivable event that could Although the scope of our cari- does real damage, because he/she rockets and guns (and the right to where terrorists can cross borders Act and Belmarsh Prison being substantially change this. cature is much smaller than that walks around looking and carry them around willy-nilly).’ with ease and the solution is rad- the most obvious cases. Measures Acrimony, on either side of the of say ‘negroid’ or ‘coolie’, it is still smelling like a real person. Is this brand of hostility noth- ical change based on an ideology such as the proposed EU-wide Atlantic, may be understandable dangerous— particularly because Beware the ‘pseudo’, coming to a ing more than the latest manifes- of liberal democracy rather than anti-Swastika legislation and the but its translation into the petty it is so easy to miss. conversation near you. Proverbial wisdom is rubbish, but it cheers us up temological authority that can know use vitamin supplements, maxim in order to provide conso- to be happy. Once, and for many later, made me laugh at the arro- simultaneously be deferred to rather than apples, to stave off the lation or advice. My favourite still, God guaranteed that. gance, not of my friend, but of Jon and ignored. Occasionally a doctor and only quantum seam- one, which I overhear again and Whatever crap happened in this the statement itself. The certain- grandmotherly type will toss one stresses are interested in stitches again slipping through my lips, is world was a small price to pay for ty, rooted in the all-encompass- into a discussion, usually in want in time. Proverbs belong in that “These things always turn out eternal frolicking in Elysium. For ing banality of that ‘it’, of Beckman of a real argument. Proverbs are medieval cartoon of England alright in the end.”. This state- some of us this world is the only accounting for the full particu- profoundly truistic but it is a where John Major rides his bicy- ment is clearly disprovable. chance and we want some guaran- larity of human experience. Yet truth which is generally insuffi- cle across cricket pitches, bending Napoleon’s invasion of Russia did tee that it is worth it. All we can time and time again, faced with have sometimes wondered, cient in the context that they are Edwina Currie in a nun’s habit not turn out alright in the end. It rely on are these fragile maxims the uncertainty of the future and when helping to whip up a across the handlebars whilst percolated through mass con- the inscrutability of fellow Iwholesome potage or tasty Only quantum drafting resignation letters. Classic proverbs are sciousness that allow us to keep humans, I tell myself it may or consommé, when the multiple seamstresses are Metrosexuallectuals, like you envisaging our future as we would may not happen. Maxims hiber- hands making the task enjoyable, and me, may convince ourselves no longer part of our like it to happen. nate us from disappointment. easy and quick start to spoil the interested in that we have no need for such cultural psyche The brittle nature of such self- So does our celebration of fail- broth. Empirical evidence sug- stitches in time homely, matriarchal gobbets of affirmations was brought home ure: is the life of a pallid, gaunt gests that four people, when try- wisdom as we teeter ironically on reduced the most powerful man to me when I went into school floribundant poet, shivering and ing to fill a large tureen with used. They induce an exaspera- the brink of late-capitalist in Europe to an armchair tacti- the day my grandmother died. vomiting up his lungs in a peeled and pulped vegetables, tion when invoked, normally fol- nihilism. We’re too cool to actual- cian on a rock in the South For obvious reasons my counte- Parisian garret in anyway desir- definitely makes for easy work. I lowed by a cry of “Give us a real ly believe anything – we prefer Atlantic. The lives of homeless nance was morose and I was able? We need our mantras, that would have thought that ten peo- reason”. The fact that I should our mochas to be interesting people haven’t turned out alright unwilling to indulge in the cus- the sky’s the limit (which would ple to make a single pot of soup never put all my eggs in one bas- rather than true. Our raised eye- in the end. tomary chat. A good friend of make for a number of unsuccess- would be excessive, though it is ket will neither convince me to brows are so overgrown that they Sometimes so much shit hap- mine, perpetually jovial and ful astronauts) and making the difficult to see how they could get two bags when shopping at tend to obscure our vision. pens that it is impossible to move oblivious of my circumstances, best of things, in order to keep ruin it unless deliberate sub- Sainsbury’s nor dissuade me from And yet, there are times when for all the manure. Yet in the midst sensed my somewhat downbeat the mirage of a brilliant, happy terfuge was involved. dedicating every waking minute the banter dies, when you are of events we fashion narratives for mood and said ‘Cheer up mate, future ahead of us. When one Proverbs such as ‘Many hands towards achieving my passionate unable to disown what you’ve just ourselves which involve us scoring it might never happen.’ That it dissipates into the air we just make light work’ and ‘Too many desire to photosynthesise. Classic said in a flutter of laughter, and a century and riding off into the had happened, only that morn- paint another one. It may just as cooks spoil the broth’ can coexist proverbs are no longer part of our you are forced to fall back on sunset with the girl draped across ing, reinforcing the fact that it insubstantial but at least it gives because they have a kind of epis- cultural psyche. Most people I some universally applicable our handlebars. Most people want happens to all of us sooner or us something at which to aim. 10 COMMENT February 25, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk ll we y Bar Luc 11-12 Trumpington Street Cambridge CB2 1QA 01223 353422

Editor Amol Rajan [email protected] Deputy Editors Henry Bowen James Dacre [email protected] Online Editor Sarah Marsh [email protected] Deputy Web Editor Adam Edelshain Arts Editor Jessica Holland [email protected] Chief Photos Editor Lucy Barwell [email protected] Photos Editor Albert Mockel- Von-Dem-Bussche Chief News Editors Chine Mbubaegbu Lucy Phillips [email protected] News Editors Amy Goodwin Oliver Tilley [email protected] Chief Analyst Sam Richardson [email protected] News Analysts Rachel Willcock Kate Ward Comment Editor Ned Beauman [email protected] Letters Editor Mungo Woodifield [email protected] “The first step in learning to treat people equally is to recognise the prevalence of current inequalities” Features Editors Jenna Goldberg Sarah Sackman [email protected] Science Editors Krystyna Larkham Zoe Smeaton So you want to be‘post-ironic’? [email protected] Interviews Editor Mungo Woodifield [email protected] Travel Editor Oliver Batham Who are you trying to impress? [email protected] Theatre Editor Allegra Galvin [email protected] No amount of nonsense-talk will excuse your bad behaviour Music Editors Nicola Simpson Jon Swaine his article isn’t about the give people a licence to say and do Was Yaqoob Colonials and Natives night at An exception cannot whatever they like. They are intellec- [email protected] TBallare. Yes, I know you’re all Ned tual Get Out Of Jail Free cards. In Satire Editors Jonny Sweet bored of that ruckus by now. But I am prove a rule, as any future, this is how you should use Zack Simons going to have to mention it. So please those words. Use them whenever you [email protected] don’t put down the paper and go back moron could tell you Beauman like. Call anything you do ‘post-iron- Film Editor Emma Paterson to whatever it is you people do with after a moment’s ic’ and ‘post-feminist’. But take care. [email protected] your hollow lives. (Actually, given the Think to yourself: would what I’m Literature Editor Benjamin King implausible results of the recent sex thought doing still be acceptable if those [email protected] survey in Varsity - are we really a uni- words didn’t apply? As Rilke said, Visual Arts Editor Johanna Z-Sharp versity of rampant satyrs? - I should “search into the depths of things: [email protected] probably assume you’ve just had sex, we’re going to look up “the exception know there must exist some rule to there, irony never descends.” Fashion Editors Agata Belcen you’re just about to have sex, or you’re that proves the rule.” You hear this which it is an exception. Say you wear what they call ‘fuck- Lucy Styles actually having sex while reading this. being used in the following sort of But, because people are lazy with me boots’, and you justify it as ‘post- [email protected] No, I won’t talk dirty to you. Please context: “Everyone in Cambridge their thinking, they have overheard feminist’. Would it still be all right if Sports Editors Adam Edelshain stop dripping on my prose.) spends most of their day squirming this phrase, attributed to it a nonsen- it wasn’t ‘post-feminist’? Yes, of Tom Burrell Anyway, Sholto Mayne-Hanvey, naked in bed with someone.” “Really? sical meaning, and now use it as if it course. Say you take pictures of girls Ben Myers the Hawks Club member who chose But for me, the last time I had sex is had some kind of awesome meta- doing housework in lingerie. Is that [email protected] and publicised the Colonials and such a distant memory as to be almost physical power. And people do just all right without the jargon? No, Production Ifti Qurashi Natives theme, defended it in TCS as mythical.” “Ah, well, you’re the excep- obviously not - stop pandering to Managers David Wyatt ‘ironic’. Then, when he was given a tion that proves the rule.” I don’t want to delude oppressive male fantasies and [email protected] few hundred words in this very sec- How could this possibly make you into thinking that demeaning your gender. Production Alastair Currie tion to explain himself further the sense? When Newton discovered the Say you wear an S Club Juniors T- Sarah Keen following day, he said it was ‘post- Law of Gravity, he did not have the you’re qualified to use shirt and you justify it as ‘ironic’. (I’m Business Manager Eve Williams ironic’. Something is wrong. Now fol- following conversation: “This is very these words not saying this would be using the [email protected] low me from last week’s Varsity to the interesting, Isaac, but how do you word correctly, but this is what people Chief Sub-Editor Anna McIlreavy rather glossier pages of PREP, the propose to prove it? With sums, I the same thing with words and phras- say.) Would it still be all right if it was- Cambridge fashion magazine that imagine?” “No, maths is boring. I’ll es like ‘ironic’, ‘post-ironic’, and ‘post- n’t ‘ironic’? Yes, of course. Say you was launched a fortnight ago. (You wander around until I find something feminist’ (and ‘post-modern’ and throw a Colonials and Natives party, Email the business manager to enquire might have stop rutting like a stoat that’s just sort of hanging in the air, ‘anti-globalist’ and a lot of others). and you justify it as ‘ironic’ (or ‘post- about placing adverts. Letters for publica- for a moment to go and get it.) Inside and that will be the expection that This would normally be the point in ironic’, or ‘meta-ironic’, or whatever). tion should be emailed or posted to the you’ll find two pages of photos cheer- proves the rule.” An exception cannot the article at which I explain the Would it still be all right without that editor. ful girls doing housework in their prove a rule, as any moron could tell proper use of those words. I’m not threadbare cloak? No, obviously not - To get involved in a section, email the rele- underwear. Mopping, dusting, and so you after a moment’s thought. It can going to, partly because I don’t have stop pandering to oppressive upper- vant section editor listed above, and come on. I’ve had this justified to me as only break one; and not every rule enough space, but more importantly class fantasies and demeaning everyone along to a meeting. No experience neces- ‘ironic’ or ‘post-feminist’. Again, must have an exception. The phrase because I don’t want to delude you all who will ever have to admit that they sary. something is wrong, and not just should be used in the following sort into thinking that, after reading my went to the same university as you. Varsity is published by Varsity Productions because everyone knows students of context: “Frogs must usually be article, you will be qualified to use Use these words with caution, if Ltd, and printed by Cambridge Evening don’t do housework. more expensive than this.” “How do these words. I know you receive my you must use them at all, and remem- News. All copyright is the exclusive prop- Now come with me to the nearest you know?” “It says ‘special offer on wit and wisdom as if God himself had ber that they never, ever excuse doing erty of Varsity Publications Ltd. No part of Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. (My frogs today only’. The exception shouted it all down from the clouds, something stupid. And that includes this publication is to be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any apologies if your paramour is getting a proves the rule.” In other words, the so I have certain responsibilities. And if you’re embarrassed when your form or by any means, without prior per- bit confused and irritable about all this exception proves the rule, in the sense most of what I said would have to be mates find out who you’ve just had mission of the publisher. flitting around.) We’re not actually that, when you learn that some state stolen from stuff I found on Google. sex with. No, you can’t say you were going to look up ‘ironic’ or ‘feminist’, of affairs is an exception, then you The problem is, words like that “shagging them ironically.” EDITORIAL www.varsity.co.uk February 25, 2005 11

Letters [email protected] Letters may be edited for space or style

CUSU kidding? Freedom to choose and/or sodomy according to individual How to fill a black hole preference are not to be lightly forsaken. The trouble with multiculturalism as it is currently practised is that it Dear Sir, If CICCU is wrong and our end is to makes a virtue of the differences between British people of distinct eth- Dear Sir, come, not at the Apocalypse, but under a nic heritages, and in so doing makes it difficult to treat these people equal- Last week, against my better judgement, bus or similar, surely it will be they who ly. There is an obvious danger, of course, that in flagging up the limited I attended CUSU Council where our illus- I'm writing in response to Susan have so spectacularly missed out on life's number of black students in Cambridge this newspaper is feeding pre- trious leaders were discussing whether or Allister's letter last week. It's important that opportunities for the sake of a being who cisely that habit. In fact, we are quite explicitly treating black students not to scrap the termly CUSU Open religion is not above criticism and satire, probably doesn't exist, and sure as hell unequally. But this is being done with good reason: the first step in learn- Meeting as part of a larger debate about particularly in a country (and a city) such as wouldn't give a monkey's about our lifestyle ing to treat people equally is to recognise the prevalence of current constitutional change. The most outstand- ours where there are so many different ideas choices if He did. inequalities, and the fact that only 1.4% of applicants to Cambridge are ing moment of the night was when an argu- of 'the ultimate truth'. black – 1/3 of the national average – suggests inequality indeed. ment was made that Open Meetings ran Yours, What, then, is the solution? As Dave Ziyambi, the impressive co-pres- the risk of being hijacked by ‘nutters’. As I To many of us the Bible is an interesting ident of the Black and Asian Caucus, argues elsewhere in this newspaper was contemplating whether I myself would semi-historical document full of inspiration John Furneaux (Analysis, page 7), it is wholly necessary to make a distinction between be classified as a ‘nutter’ I happened to for dramatic works; Jesus was a man who (Selwyn College) ‘Access’ and Admissions policy per se. It is an observeable feature of appli- glance at the final motion of the evening had ideas that were unpopular with the rul- cations to Cambridge that members of Britain’s black community are still re. Ghostbusters ing élite, and died nearly 2000 years ago; dissuaded from applying to study here because of their perception of the and the Apocalypse may be inevitable, but University. This is an Access issue, and the University is therefore right CUSU notes Ghostbusters was a song only in 5 billion years when the sun 'dies' Dear Sir, to continue allocating resources to Access programs. But, as Ziyambi written by Ray Parker Jnr for the film of and destroys our planet. points out, these Access programs should target students of all ethnicities the same name and released in 1984. I would like to respond to Susan Allister’s in areas that have few links with Cambridge; to isolate students of one To censor from our drama any material letter (curiously entitled “Freedom to particular ethnicity is to treat those students unequally. That is patronis- CUSU believes that the song inspired by religious texts would be silly and Choose”) in which she informed me that I ing, and it should not be permitted. Ghostbusters, like many other classics such irresponsible, and a threat to our freedom of “genuinely deserve unending punishment” What is probably the most disturbing fact revealed this week is related as Chesney Hawkes’ The One and Only or speech. for ignoring my “creator”. I take issue with more directly to Admissions policy: black students who reach the inter- the theme music from Fraggle Rock, can this as I phone my parents quite regularly. view stage are, on the whole, only half as likely to pass their interview as provide listeners with a sense of euphoria Yours their white counterparts. There are two possible reasons for this: firstly, not usually experienced in Cambridge As for that other (let’s face it more elu- that the black students who apply to Cambridge are less academically nightclubs. Richard Smith sive) ‘creator’; how could I possibly ignore competent than their fellow applicants; or, secondly, that Cambridge is the bombardment of glossy “Look upon my institutionally racist. There is little material evidence for the second of CUSU resolves that DJs playing in works, ye mighty, and despair” notices and these explanations, though plenty of lingering suspicion (some justified, CUSU run clubnights should play this song Apocalypse Now: Redux flyers which plague my day-to-day life? My but most not). The first explanation is more plausible and empirically ver- at least once an evening, preferably more to point is that I do indeed acknowledge your ifiable: black students who apply to Cambridge tend to come from mandate the Services Officer and warning, and sensibly choose to ignore it. schools in the state sector, most of which tend to achieve lower results Entertainments Officer to listen to Dear Sir, across the whole spectrum of their students. Ghostbusters in its entirety once a week to You begin by saying: “I know we are Such tendencies ought to be given the weight they deserve. To recog- ensure that they can recognise the song and Firstly, the assertion that "the existence allowed (sort of ) freedom of expression”. I nise them is to admit that the figures revealed this week, and the issues properly enforce this motion. of Apocalypse: The Musical is offensive to read on in anticipation of a “but”. You con- promoted on the front page of this newspaper, cannot be extricated from anyone who believes that Jesus Christ is tinue, conceding: “…and that this letter is a wider pattern prevalent in British society: black students tend not to Some might say that the 'nutters' have Lord" is entirely incorrect. We have a num- laughable”. I must contradict you again: I apply to Cambridge because they think it is a white place. If Britain is to already infiltrated the building. ber of practicing Christians involved in the am not amused by any threats, unfounded initiate the process by which black students achieve more academically, production, none of whom find the show though they may be. Furthermore, I refuse and therefore apply more successfully to Cambridge, it must understand Yours, offensive. Are you the only Christian, such to meekly laugh away patronising assump- the requirements of a multicultural Britain, in which the proportion of that your view becomes representative of tions that my lifestyle has evolved without students in this University who are black reflects the proportion of stu- Stuart Jordan the whole? direction and deep personal consideration. dents in this country who are black. (Anarchist) Multiculturalism must be understood as a starting point, not a final If this is a rant, it is certainly not against You conclude: “if there’s anything in what destination. Recognition of the fact of differences between people is the Christianity or Christians in general, but I’m saying it would be a huge mistake” not first step in trying to overcome those differences. From there, a system of CUAI misfires rather against individuals who elevate to take your warning seriously. I put it to common values, agreed upon through engagement, interaction, and rig- themselves to spokesmen, putting forward you: if there’s nothing in what you’re saying orous public debate can be reached. But to celebrate these differences, and ridiculous assertions claiming that this is (and Christianity denotes itself as a faith, to see them as entrenched in the society that we, commonly, strive to Dear Sir, what 'Christians' think or are offended by. thus resting on doubt, not certainty), would achieve, is to promote inequality, albeit inadvertently. Diversity ought not it not be a huge mistake to do so? to be made a dirty word, but current practices risk doing precisely that. I am not impressed by CUAI’s latest Secondly, the idea of an Apocalypse has The solution for Cambridge is as follows: firstly, to recognise the fact campaign, aimed at stopping the arms its origins not in Christianity, but the Charlotte Holden of black under-representation here; secondly, to increase black access trade. While I know their intentions are Hebrew Bible. Had you come to see the (Fitzwilliam) through Access programs that do not over-state racial differences; and, noble, I fear that it will take the focus away play, you would have noticed an almost thirdly, to discover the precise reason why black students who do apply to from what is really important. By putting entire absence of Christian ideas. To not the University have less chance of getting in. Once this final hurdle is the emphasis on the weapons, rather than offend, it avoids any notions of Dualism, crossed, appropriate weight can be given to these applicants’ background the butchers, it distracts the world from the God is always in control and there is but Love.Angel.Music. Empty when assessing their merits. Such are the means by which Cambridge real way to reduce violence. Whether they one reference to Jesus, (as it handily rhymes may fill its black hole. are armed with AK103s, AK47s or hatchets with 'Please Us'. I suppose you think God and spears, dangerous lunatics will find doesn't like rhymes.) The theological prem- Dear Sir/Madam, ways to kill people unless we actively try to ise is set on the book of Job, which, inciden- Hack attackers strike back stop them. tally, wasn't written by Christians. Though usually an ardent fan of your A free and independent press is more than simply the hallmark of a music section, I must take issue with its healthy democracy; it is also the badge of a progressive intellectual cli- Remember the tragic story of Rwanda, a To claim that it is offensive to Christians absurd declaration that Gwen Stefani's mate, in which philosophical scepticism and artistic creativity will tend to genocide carried out with iron age technol- to stage a play based on a concept which music is "original, unique and utterly unlike be married in happy communion. Such is the case in Cambridge, and the ogy and stone age barbarity. Most of the Christianity developed at best, subverted at anything anyone else is doing". I find it hard University is much the stronger for it. As Jessica Holland writes today million dead were killed with ten cent worst, seems rather short-sighted. Finally, I to accept an irritating, high-pitched, plat- (Features, page 12), there is a current trend in this town for students who machetes– ordinary farming tools that no find it interesting that you found offence form clad parody of Madonna shoving are dissatisfied with what they see and read in the student press to respond ban would touch. One of the worst inci- not in the content of the musical, but mere- over-produced, synthesised, self-referential by producing their own publication. This may seem unremarkable to dents was at Kivumu, where 3,000 tried to ly in the "existence" of it. Far more "danger- bullshit into our ears as "inimitable". some; but academics and University veterans alike have found it to be hide in a church. Interahamwe militia com- ous" than a comedy musical is your desire to quite the opposite. In fact, many reckon some of Cambridge’s smaller mandeered bulldozers, knocked down the sanctify certain concepts so that they are A kitsch and kinetic 'supersonic female' productions are amongst the best they’ve seen, and are surprised by the building and hacked down those who fled. excluded from potential exploration or she may claim to be, but the tedious self- number that have been born recently. However successful Amnesty'scampaign comment. aggrandizement of such lyrics does not Sceptical readers of the student press have at their disposal both talent- may be, it would not have stopped this. merit the validation of an intelligent news- ed writers and the support networks to make such projects viable. It is, Yours Sincerely, paper. I think, perhaps, in this case, her nevertheless, to the very great credit of students such as James Pallister Humanity’s twisted ingenuity will find definitive line 'don't speak' would be more and Nick Hayes – co-founders of Meat magazine,whose third issue is out the tools to slaughter among whatever is Heather Newton applicable. soon – that they display the initiative, motivation, and skill necessary to legal and available. If Amnesty wants to (Co-writer of Apocalypse) make such projects successful. But what is, by some margin, the most prevent death and devastation, it should Yours sincerely, impressive feature of these energetic new publications is their prepared- talk about defusing conflicts, not disarming ness to say the unsaid. There is a refreshing ruthlessness about an attitude combatants. Emma Paterson that gives to unorthodox (even bizarre) ideas and opinions the oxygen of Dear Sir, (Fitzwilliam) publicity. These young publications certainly do that. That they also pro- Yours Sincerely vide a healthy forum in which students can first see their names in print In response to a letter published 18/02, I is to be applauded; but it is the accompanying mentality – one of intellec- Michael Dnes felt compelled to point out that, for hedo- tual dynamism and courage – that most blatantly suggests that the off- (Trinity College) nistic atheists, the pleasures of drug-taking, spring of Cambridge’s more traditional student press will flourish. self-indulgence, promiscuous fornication FEATURES 12 February 25, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk Get stuck in to Pritt Stick Lit Subverting cliche and challenging convention - Jessica Holland talks to the creators of Cambridge’s growing fanzine culture he time’s never been so notably 70’s punk (Sniffin’ Glue) good for DIY publishing and 90’s riot grrrl (‘zine-turned- Tin Cambridge. New mag- band Bikini Kill). In the 1980’s azines are being started weekly, fanzines had money thrown at awards are being collected and them and became hype-meisters Jess Holland small battles are being won like THE FACE and Dazed and against boredom and compla- Confused, demonstrating just cency. I talked to the people how wrong the 80’s got every- making it happen. thing apart from teen movies Richard Rosey is starring Molly Ringwald. Cambridge’s king of fanzines. This type of glossy fanzine- His sprawling, passionate hybrid is still going strong, with cut’n’paste ‘zine R*E*P*E*A*T, the love-it-or-hate-it Vice lead- beloved by the late John Peel, ing the way. It offends just about everyone, treading all over the line between too-cool- If you’re funding for-skool and too-cool-for-cool yourself you can in a way that makes you feel either uneasy for reading it or be more ‘yourself’. for not getting the joke. All you need is a Less offensive, though no less cool, is Cambridge’s Meat maga- glue-stick and a zine. Meat is a beautifully pro- photocopier. duced publication with an emphasis on “comics, artwork has been going strong for over and literary innovation.” “We a decade. Encyclopaedic in its wanted to do something that’s scope and diverse in tone, you highbrow meets lowbrow,” can spend years reading each James Pallister, who started up issue. It was born, Rosey tells the magazine last year with stu- me, out of some drawings by dent-turned-artist Nick Hayes, his primary school music class tells me. “Something that looks and a love of the Manics. good - the design’s really impor- “They were the band that tant - but with some stupid changed my life. They inspired humour, so it’s not just po-faced me to read and to write and to and pompous.” be creative.” Rosey’s commit- “Meat was born out of frus- ment to inspiring young people tration at the fact that there are has resulted in a R*E*P*E*A*T so many people in Cambridge together an intelligent, pas- om

record label and weekly new that just don’t seem that excited sionate, soulful magazine about r band nights at the Portland about the world around them. music. When I was reviewing Arms. He is also responsible Who’ve just got too much work music for other magazines for a group of punk-rock ten- to do. There didn’t seem to be a (Everett used to run Melody f-Hallst year-olds from his music class real forum for ideas other than Maker), we would always get

playing a gig on Blue Peter. TCS and Varsity.” The magazine the same 5 or 6 CDs every nna A When asked why fanzines are may be pushing against the week. I was really annoyed that A so important, his answer is mainstream tide but James says there was all this great music straightforward: “It comes down coming out that I wasn’t to advertising. Even though Meat allowed to review anywhere.” R*E*P*E*A*T loses money I’ve is a beautifully The web has had a transfor- never taken a paid advert. As produced publica- mative effect on all these publi- soon as you take an advert you’re tion with an empha- cations. The move towards the beholden not to upset that per- web has put a dent in son. If you’re funding yourself sis on comics, art- R*E*P*E*A*T’s circulation and you can be more yourself. All work and literary precipitated the closure of many you need is a glue-stick and a established music titles. Yet photocopier.” innovation many fanzines and magazines What makes a good fanzine, have embraced this change. The according to Rosey, is “opinions, “I don’t have any problem about web has caused an explosion in mess, prittstick, cut’n’paste, peo- selling more copies. It’s not the availability of independent, ple not giving a fuck about who going to steal my soul or any- fanzine material. they offend, being honest, and thing. But I’m proud that it’s Printing and desktop publish- using full stops.” R*E*P*E*A*T independent. You can actually do ing too is getting cheaper and ticks all the boxes. this by yourself.” easier. The magazine section of R*E*P*E*A*T slips into a DIY publishing is growing Borders gets more cluttered each long tradition of independent up, and perhaps you no longer day, with magazines catering to fanzine literature. The history of have to choose between integri- ever more specialist tastes. fanzines started out in the 1930’s ty and success. Everett True, Fanzine makers are making the as self-made sci-fi publications who brought Grunge to Britain, most of the physical, sensual spawned by fan-clubs.They have and whose independent maga- aspect of holding something since been adopted as a mouth- zines Careless Talk Costs Lives beautifully made, with cut-out piece for every anti-establish- and Plan B have set a new stan- stencil layers (Amelia), white ink ment form of music, most dard for cutting-edge music on white paper (Perfect) or journalism, bears testament to hand-stitched covers. this. True’s magazines have all People remain excited about Links the breathless enthusiasm and the old-fashioned combination obsessive knowledge of a of paper and words. With ever •www.repeatfanzine.co.uk fanzine with the kind of scale more student-run arts publica- and production values of a tions like Prep, Contraband, •www.emapfanzineawards.co.uk mainstream music magazine. Filament, Inprint and upcoming “The only concern I ever music magazine The Laundry •www.meat-mag.com have in my own writing is to Room, it’s an exciting time for try to communicate the love for DIY literature in our little cob- •come.to/robots the music I feel. I don’t know bled town. So put down your where that fits in with any kind textbooks, they’re getting in the •planbmag.com of scene. We wanted to put way of your education. NEWS KING www.varsity.co.uk February 25, 2005 13

Globe King

Queen snubs wedding: - Bush trips on Europe. Photo King Religion King “I’m washing my heir.” - Senile Pope condemns gay abortion. Alfred Either way,” she sniggered on her way out, “I wouldn‘t mind Parish King Hands hammering him in.” The issue sparks passions - Electricians get their wives on either side of the issue: crossed. he old-fashioned Queen “This is huge. HUGE. It’s proved herself even never happened before: wake Met. King Tmore fuddy-duddy this up! IT’S HUGE; week, by snubbing her eldest ABSOLUTELY HUGE. - “There’s snow in Ruthless Labour campaign Prince, Prince Charles, the Can‘t you hear me? Are you Cambridge”. Big fucking deal. tells it like it is. Prince of Wales. “I don’t give a BLIND!” Mike from Reading. royal fuck,” crooned the wrin- “She’s bang out of line. Camilla counts how many kled hag. “If he wants to marry Completely off the radar. I’m times she’s gonna “kick Camilla, that’s his prerogative, Their playful staring match really upset about this. Who Queen’s ass”. but don’t expect me to be at the lasted twenty-eight minutes. the bastard is she? Jesus. She wedding… I won’t be at the looks like a jacket potato survey is yours. That would wedding.” ally not doing anything. wrapped in satin.” Chelsea, be amazing….” Frank, France. Royal analytical expert, What? What?” When asked London. And what does News King Albert Bevan: “She won’t be who she would like to be “Look, the Prince may or decree? Well, when passion at the wedding.” King, she demanded, “Dead may not be Prince now, but takes hold in the breast of a And she won’t. When or alive? ‘Cos if dead, proba- one day he’ll be King. Most noble king, when a fair probed further to reveal why bly Jesus. Alive… so diffi- people have no idea what that damsel wears his favour, there she was doing this, the wily cult… I just don’t… Jimmy means. Most people have no is but one for them to go: the Queen teased, “What? I’m Nails! Definitely Jimmy idea what anything means. Guildhall, for a legitimate Lowest crime in Donutland not doing anything. I’m liter- Nails! Is it Nails or Nail? When you’re King, all you marriage ceremony. since ‘2 for 1’ gorge-fest. British soldiers sent down for harmless surfing prank. G8 declares war on “every-f**kin-body” falling on YOU!” he pointed Jeremy emphatically to the horizon. Herd “If Iran wants the nuke, she'll get it – all over her face.” The UK Prime Minister is confident that the G8's eco- nomic supremacy will prove insurmountable. “What are In an alarming statement, they gonna do? Pelt us with Tony Blair, President of the pennies? Launch missiles of G8 summit, declared, “the Tarrantino advises G8. camel shit? Penetrate our mother of all wars” against armoured tanks with rebel- Man waits for woman to pass “any country dumb enough to What's your point? Nobody lious passion? We can buy before finishing urination. screw us around”. invaded Britain before the things. We will buy things. The G8 summit, instituted Nazis. I'm shooting from the We must buy things, and we in 1975 to discuss world trade, hip, I'm blue-skying it, and have. Eat my silver bullets – has no mandate to declare there are bombs in that sky you'll die of famine any- war. “Yeah, this is a first. and they're falling, they're way....” King Comment King Current Letter King all deeply embarrassing. And Jimmy were reported to have used Dear Varsity, Melanie look what happens when we normal stuff just like the rest, Forbes remember. We travel back in Lips one even using a fork at a I am writing to respond time to a shining day. When restaurant where he had to quips about Cruz Labour were elected in 1997 it stopped in for a food meal. Beckham's feminine name. all looked so good. Promises The biggest charmer was Being a boy called Delegates wonder why Bush were high, and Tony assured American, Tiger Woods, who Hermione was difficult at keeps swivelling around when Where is Britain? us of a kooky ‘Donald’ bib for REVEALED: clocked up a gargantuan 50 first too, especially as I they’re talking. baby Jake. Now look at the Those celebrity details hits on the U.S. based web- enjoyed wearing my hair Please government, action. broken mess. He’s lost the the celebs don’t want site, StarMichael.Com. Fans long. But soon enough, the Honest, appreciative family wonderful country, where is it, you to know, in full... on the site said they had seen bullies just backed off – I men and women – that’s what where are the trees? Rags grow films of celebrities, many guess there's only so much we want. That’s what Britain on Camelot, and the youth- Celebrities – for years they using television sets to tune phlegm kids can hack up! wants. Instead, this week for Rage is a distinct and increas- have been the force to be reck- in from their own homes. the ninth time the government ingly ill-defined problem. oned with on the high street So, will the findings con- After a few years, I got rolls out another worn-out old Here’s a question for the scene, so it seems. Not any tinue? “There’s a good chance over it and now I run a hair muslim cleric. Who are these apologists: T. S. Eliot once more, according to a new that nothing will be done,” salon and dance in the no-brainers in Number 10? wrote off ‘The Waste Land’. If report from the Animal chari- says Jake. “But who knows? evenings. We didn’t ask for this. If it was we’re not careful, that’s just ty ‘FrogWatch’, which reports There’s a lot of watching to an attempt to impress us, where we seem to be arriving. on animal paraphernalia from be done in the next 20 or 30 Best, which I suspect it wasn’t, then And? Well, if you must know, upwards of 20 times. semesters. Come back in a it failed dismally. If it wasn’t, as a woman myself, I would “The celebs would frequent- year’s time and ask me then.” Hermione Edward Haemophiliac “sick” of then it’s highly likely to back- welcome a better world. So ly do nothing at all” they said. One thing’s for sure – I’m Raingold brother’s thoughtless pin fire. One thing’s for sure: It’s gently I go in hope. On other occasions, celebrities involved. jokes. listings powered by

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FRIDAY 19:00 Corpus Christi Playroom Killing Alex CLARE Dynamo d’n’b With Doc Scott & Mc Flux EVENT 17.00 Unlocking the Uighers, talk by Christian 19:30 School of Pythagoras Titus Andronicus CORN EX Toni Haddle Vs Martin Fry & ADC Pop Tyler, author of The Taming of Xinjiang 19:30 St Chads Octagon The Countess UNION Boat race Bop @Lecture Theatre,Trinity College 25 19:30 Fitz Auditorium The Glass Menagerie and Two Short Plays LIFE Boogienight 70s and 80s music SUPPER 19:30 Cambridge University Jewish Society 19.45 ADC Footlights Progress QUEENS Full Moon Party Dance and Chart @ The Student Centre,Thompsons Lane 21.30 Corpus Christi Playroom Risk Everything FEZ Funk Star Quality funk & break beat FILM The Rules of Attraction 21.30 ADC Wasteland @ Caius SATURDAY 19:00 Corpus Christi Playroom Killing Alex LIFE The Big Party Dance, 60’s and club classics EVENT 17.00 Talk by Brian Griffin 19:30 Corpus Christi Playroom Killing Alex JUNCTION Dot Cotton Pop @ Caius Bateman Auditorium 19:30 School of Pythagoras Titus Andronicus FEZ Eternal Soulful American House CLASSICAL 20.00 Mozart’s Requiem Mass by candlelight 26 19:30 St Chads Octagon The Countess @ The Great Hall, Homerton College 19:30 Fitz Auditorium The Glass Menagerie and Two Short Plays FILM 20:00 Battle of the Algiers 19.45 ADC Footlights Progress @ McCrum Theatre, Corpus Christi 21.30 Corpus Christi Playroom Risk Everything College 21.30 ADC Wasteland LIFE The Sunday Roast Suporting CU Hockey Club CLASSICAL 00.00 The Triumphs Of Oriana @ Fitz’s College SUNDAY 27 FEZ Room for XPosure Open mic for local talent FILM 19.00&22.00 ET @ Ummey Theatre, Robinson College CORN EX Goldie Lookin Chain Hip hop, Urban and Rap FILM 20:30 The Cabinet of Dr.Caligari @ Trinity FILM 19.00&22.00 Wimbeldon @ St.John’s College JUNCTION Flamenco Classes Takes you to the heart of Seville CLASSICAL 19.30 David Crighton Concert 2005 MONDAY28 LIFE Live is Life International student night @ West Road Concert Hall FEZ Fat Poppadaddys Funky and soulful sounds CLASSICAL 1.15 Clare Chapel. Phil Nash FILM 20:30 The Cabinet of Dr.Caligari @ Trinity TUESDAY 19:00 Corpus Christi Playrom Oh,What a Lovely War! LIFE Unique CUSU’s lesbigay night AEROBICS 18:00 Kick Bo @ Christ’s College 19:30 Arts Theatre Orpheus In The Underworld BALLARE Top Banana CUSU ents flagship night 19:30 Fitz Hall,Queen’s Hamlet FEZ Ebonics Mix of hip hop, dancehall, reggae 1 19:45 ADC Royal Hunt of the Sun PONANA Dynamo d’n’b With Hospital’s Logistics and 20:00 Christ’s New Court The Street of Crocodiles Commix playing 21:00 School of Pythagoras Peace 21:30 When Declan Died 22.00 ADC Smoker WEDNESDAY 19:00 Corpus Christi Playrom Oh,What a Lovely War! BALLARE Rumboogie Godfather of Cambridge nights EVENT 20.00 Rev, Stephen Sizer: Christian Zionists 19:30 Arts Theatre Orpheus In The Underworld FEZ Mi Casa Tu Casa International student night @ Culanu 19:30 Fitz Hall,Queen’s Hamlet CLASSICAL 21.00 Jenny Clark, Lucy Goddard and ensemble: 2 19:45 ADC Royal Hunt of the Sun Pergolesi Stabat Mater @ Jesus College 19:45 Robinson College A Thousand Words 20.00 Bateman Auditorium Kafka’s Dick 20:00 Christ’s New Court The Street of Crocodiles 21:00 School of Pythagoras Peace 21.30 When Declan Died 22.45 Fitz Hall,Queens’ The Morning after Optimism 23.00 ADC Lunch THURSDAY 19:00 Corpus Christi Playrom Oh,What a Lovely War! COCO Urbanite CUSU’s night of hip hop & rnb 19:30 Arts Theatre Orpheus In The Underworld FEZ Wild Style Award winning night of hip hop 19:30 Fitz Hall,Queen’s Hamlet LIFE Lady Penelopes RnB and hip hop 3 19:45 ADC Royal Hunt of the Sun 19:45 Robinson College A Thousand Words 20.00 Bateman Auditorium Kafka’s Dick 20:00 Christ’s New Court The Street of Crocodiles 21:00 School of Pythagoras Peace 21.30 When Declan Died 22.45 Fitz Hall,Queens’ The Morning after Optimism 23.00 ADC Lunch www.varsity.co.uk February 25, 2005 LISTINGS 15

EDINBURGH FESTIVAL SamSam SmileySmiley

2005 68 Trumpington Street Solve your accommoda- Ned Temko tion Special Offer problems by calling Outgoing Editor of The Carole Smith/Anne Jewish Chronicle Goring Free Large Filter Coffee on 01620 810 620 Sunday 27th February, email address: 8pm or Tea with any filled [email protected] or write to Festival Flats, £2 Admission. The product before 10.30am. 3 Linkylea Cottages, Culanu Centre, behind Gifford, East Lothian, available from 11.00am EH41 4PE The Galleria, next to Magdalene www.festivalflats.net Bridge. Only £1.50

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DRAMA STUDIO, ANNOUNCES

AUDITIONS Pembroke Players invites Faculty of English applications to direct/produce FOR THEIR MAY WEEK Week 2 shows in Easter Term EXTRAVAGANZA and their outdoor Mayweek ‘BUGSY MALONE’ production.

DOMINIC COOK King’s College Munby Room Email your application to Sat 26th & Sun 27th, 2-6pm (RSC) [email protected] Bring a song! and put a hardcopy + script in the Info: contact Bex (rb382) Pembroke Players pigeon hole in Pembroke plodge. ON MACBETH. BRIGHT FACES Please download a cover sheet from www.pembrokeplayers.org WEDNESDAY 2nd STAGE COMPANY Deadline: Midnight 1st March

MARCH Applications for Vancouver Tour: September 2005 Archive 6pm Director/ Producer / Tour Manager Request Please c ontact Lauren (lac43) http.//www.english.cam.ac.uk Varsity is in the process of /dramastudio Deadline 4th March auditings its archives and is currently seeking back This week issues of : Fri 25th: Speaker: Elaine Paige Issue 590 - Mon 28th: Speed dating pages 5,6,19,20 Tues 1st: Speaker: Quentin Blake Thurs 3rd: Debate:This house If you have a spare copy of believes education destroys equal this issue we would love to hear opportunity from you. [email protected]

UK GRAD Careers in Focus for PhD Researchers Investment Banking and Management - 31st March & Management Consultancy - 15th April

These UK GRAD Careers in Focus events have been designed for doctoral researchers, and will provide a unique opportunity within a fast paced and dynamic environment to: • Find out about the real opportunities for PhDs within a range of leading firms. • Develop and practise the skills and competencies that employers in the sectors look for in PhD recruits. • Enhance your awareness and understanding of the different business areas within sector • Understand how your skills as a researcher can be transferred to these sectors. Great tasting, great • Tour a trading floor (applies only to the Investment Banking & Management event) Furthermore, you will have unlimited informal networking opportunities, including a drinks reception in the evening. These are 1-day events and are FREE to participants.

value pizza for delivery Whether or not you have previously considered a career in either sector, these events provide the chance to investigate them further, increase your understanding of the transition between academia and the sector, and give you a clearer perspective on how to bridge the gap. For more information and to book online, please visit and collection www.grad.ac.uk/events Dominos, Cambridge: 01223 355155 27 Hills Road, Cambridge, CB2 1NW 16 SCIENCE February 25, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk What’s eating the Developed World? Is your jeans size all in the genes ...

scientists to examine the human Prader-Willi patients can never oe Smeaton Jamil Bacha version more closely. They found stop eating. They cannot feel the Z rare mutations in people that normal brain signals that tell ew people are not aware of affected appetite control and left them they are full, and left unsu- the medical and political them prone to severe obesity. pervised would literally eat them- anxiety about the obesity F When some of these patients selves to death. Which gene in the epidemic sweeping the developed were injected with leptin to deleted block of DNA is respon- world. One in four adults in the replace that which their bodies sible for this phenomenon is still UK is now obese, quadruple the couldn’t make, they lost stagger- not clear, but once discovered may figure of 25 years ago. Our easy ing amounts of weight and lend vital clues as to the cause of access to, and low prices of, sugar- reported lower appetites. overeating in obese individuals. and fat-rich food, combined with Another gene that can cause But what of the rest of us? increasingly sedentary lifestyles extreme obesity if mutated is Despite the sometimes dramatic has created an “obesogenic” envi- called MCR4. This gene pro- effects of mutations in genes ronment, which has raised both duces a signalling molecule responsible for severe “disease” our average waistlines and our involved in processing messages obesity, these are too rare to GPs’ blood pressures. from the appetite and metabo- account for most cases, and it is The increase in the number of lism-regulating parts of the brain. clear that many more genetic fac- people classed as “morbidly Defects in this gene, though more tors remain to be discovered. obese” (with a body-mass index, common, still only account for 1- Large scale genetic studies are or BMI, of more than 40 kg m-2) 6% of morbidly obese cases. now attempting to “scan” our has been particularly startling. In addition to mutations in genomes for new ‘obesity’ genes. This suggests that the obesity specific genes, at least 20 syn- So far at least 13 have been epidemic is not simply larger din- dromes caused by other genetic identified. Understanding the ners and less exercise. Something changes include obesity as a major genes involved and how they else is at work that makes people component. The most common work will enable us to design overreact to our fast fed, car of these is Prader-Willi syn- more effective therapies. happy world. Over the last drome, which occurs in 1 in Scientists have already engineered decade, scientists have been 25,000 births. It is caused by a an experimental mouse virus con- closely examining our genes, try- Enough to put you off? Not for some. deletion of a chunk of chromo- taining the leptin gene, which, ing to identify which ones affect likely to be obese. Those who many cases of “single-gene” obesi- patients were very likely to be some 15 that undergoes a process when injected into obese mice weight, and how they work. This sleep for only 5 hours per night ty described here. obese themselves, suggesting that called imprinting. caused weight loss with no appar- has led to some promising, and had 15% lower leptin levels than Experiments with MCR4- the mutation is more likely to Only one chromosome in this ent side effects. sometimes surprising, findings. those who get more sleep. Not deficient rats have shown, for exert its effects when combined chromosome pair is switched ‘on’ It is also important to remem- One of the most dramatic sto- only did they have larger example, that despite their muta- with poor diets. leaving either the maternal or ber that even though genes are ries is that of the gene for a pro- appetites, but they tended to eat tion they do not overeat when fed So despite the promise of paternal copy functional in our important to weight control, tein called leptin, an appetite sup- more sweet and starchy food, a a normal diet, but start to overeat genetics in developing new treat- cells. In the case of Prader-Willi environment plays a crucial role pressant which is part of the nor- possible cause of exam term drastically when fed a diet rich in ments for this condition, the solu- syndrome, it is the paternal form in how they manifest themselves mal appetite control system in cravings and weight gain. fat! This may well apply in tion for most people is still the that is switched on, and if it hap- in our jeans sizes. One recent humans.The leptin gene was lfirst Diet is also important regard- humans as well, because relatives same as it has always been: calo- pens to contain the distinctive study showed that people who located in obese mice, and this led less of the genes we carry, even in of MCR4-deficient obese ries in must equal calories out. deletion, the disease is triggered. don’t get enough sleep are more ... Or could it be psychological?

Dhara Thakerer and biological factors is to blame. is often intertwined with emo- Different eating disorders seem tion – young women often con- e all know that eating to be associated with slightly var- fess to eating excessive amounts disorders exist and we ied psychological profiles. of chocolate as ‘comfort food’ – probably even know a Anorexics compulsively restrict but to sufferers food often W the amounts they eat and drink, becomes the only way to cope bit about them; but most of us think we won’t really be affected and often exercise excessively to with painful feelings or situa- by them. However with the burn off calories. tions. Some say their behaviour EDA (Eating Disorders Physically, the apparent weak- towards food gives them a feel- Association) currently estimating ness of the body’s ‘drive to eat’ in ing of control in their chaotic, that there are around 90,000 peo- overriding the emotional desire and often stressful, lives. ple in the UK receiving treatment to remain thin, is explained by For students, perhaps more for eating disorders (with many the observation that the endor- worryingly than statistics, is this more remaining undiagnosed) phins released in response to the association of eating disorders the problem seems worse than we stress of inadequate food intake with stress. A landmark study might expect. and loss of body weight become published in the American There does appear to be a bio- addictive, outweighing the Journal of Psychiatry, involving logical root to many eating disor- demand for food. more than 1,000 female twins, der cases: evidence for a genetic Despite the used standardized tests and inter- factor came from an international views to evaluate links between study led by Dr Andrew Bergan, watchful eye of perfectionist traits and psycho- and published in Nature’s tutors, DoS’s and logical problems. Researchers Molecular Psychiatry two years found that a perfectionist streak ago. The researchers compared friends,we can be seems to be a key risk factor in a chromosomes of sufferers in fam- adept at hiding our person’s likelihood of developing ilies with a history of eating disor- problems an eating disorder. ders, with those of non-suffering Being in Cambridge, it is easy individuals. to understand how people can They discovered that small Bulimics’ behaviour is charac- become stressed and sometimes variations on two genes of chro- terised by episodes of binge-eat- feel a lack of control over their mosome 1 had significant statisti- ing during which they experi- lives. Despite the watchful eye of cal associations with the likeli- ences a loss of control, followed tutors, DoS’s and friends, we can hood of developing anorexia. by a period of calmness. This be adept at hiding our problems Like many other diseases then, calmness is often followed by here if we so choose, and many eating disorders appear to be self-loathing though, leading to students may be suffering unbe- linked to genetics. extreme methods of weight con- known even to their friends. Whilst some people may be trol such as vomiting, fasting, If you think either you or predisposed to suffering from eat- and excessive use of laxatives someone else has an issue with ing disorders, scientists also and diuretics. food, please contact the Eating recognise social factors as playing Despite these differences Disorders Association helpline: a role for many patients, and it though, many eating disorder 0845 634 1414 or look at seems that ultimately a complex sufferers say their behaviour is http://www.counselling.cam.ac.u interaction between psychological triggered by similar factors. Food k/eating.html. V

25.02.05 arsity

Clockwise from top right: Cast-Off fliers, Cast-Off hit the streets, Cambridge knitter Amy Fox

irl’s stuff just isn’t cool. pick of the week Swaggering testosterone- Grock still dominates the Knit Happens Music: The ‘credible’ corner of the airwaves, Chalets ‘chick-flicks’ are universally snig- The Portland Arms, gered at while a cartoon pastiche ‘Guerrilla’ knitting has arrived in Fri 25, 20.00 like Kill Bill or a pseudo-deep-but- Named after the place actually-meaningless boy-film like Cambridge. Jessica Holland’s hooked they met at All Donnie Darko is hailed as a modern or…um, a cable-knit penis (find the groups of people exchanging tips and Arts Tomorrow’s Parties, masterpiece despite the fact that its pattern at www.castoff.info). Cast- gossip. Behind this phenomenon is The Chalets have been described as an message seems to be that if you’re Off ’s activities have been well-publi- Debbie Stoller, editor of feminist infectiously enthusiastic mix of Le Tigre moody and weird chicks will dig cised: they have flash-mob-style knit- magazine Bust and author of and the B52’s. They promise to ‘coat the you. Don’t get me started on Lord of ting sessions on a Circle Line tube Stitch’n’Bitch which includes patterns speakers with glittery brain fuzz.’ the Rings. It’s an old lament, but still carriage; at ice rinks, folk festivals, for Wonderwoman bikinis, skull-and- a true one, even setting aside issues Parisian street corners and political crossbones wristbands and Joey that are actually important, like protests, where they made banners Ramone dolls. Theatre: women’s jobs being worse paid and that say things like ‘Drop Stitches not And, relatively recently, the phe- Progress less respected than men’s. Bombs’. They were thrown out of the nomenon has arrived in Cambridge. ADC Theatre, Fri 25, The parts of women’s culture pro- Hilton well before The Others started I tracked down Rosie Sykes, a PhD Sat 26 19.45 moted in the media are the parts that their malarkeying about. student who, inspired by Stoller, set Last chance to see the most reinforce the idea that a women up a local knitting group that meets surreal Footlights should aspire to be a beautiful object: Sometimes knitters in places like the Eagle, the Grad Spring Revue, written by widely make up, shopping, sex. It seems that need to be tough Café, and the Botanical Gardens. acclaimed Cambridge comedy regulars the choice we’re faced with is this: be The group has been steadily increas- Joe Thomas and Raph Shirley shallow, Bridget Jones-watching, nail- But it can be hard not to get lost in ing in size, and people have started painting shopaholics, or be more like the layers of irony involved. Are Cast- travelling from neighbouring cities men. Don’t get me wrong: I like Led Off mocking the arbitrariness of cool, to be a part of it. Zeppelin and violence as much as the or making a genuine protest that She told me how she started knit- Talk: Simon next person, and there’s nothing female-led art forms deserve more ting at school in secret because she Kelner about any kind of activity that makes recognition (with an implied dissatis- didn’t want to look like a ‘boring St. Catharine’s it necessarily more suitable for either faction of ‘post-feminist’ complacen- goody-goody’, but since coming out of College, Mon 28, 8pm gender. The point is that any sports, cy) or none of the above? The group’s the closet she’s won awards for design- The current editor of arts and pastimes associated in the website says it simply ‘aims to promote ing original patterns.”‘Sometimes newspaper of the past with women (either marketed to the art of knitting as a healthy, con- knitters need to be tough,” she says. year, the Independent, them as a demographic, or created temporary and creative pastime’, so ‘It’s the only hobby that’s got me hate will be delivering a talk to the Shirley predominantly by them) have always perhaps all the ‘revolutionary’ tags are mail (‘F****ing bunch of pussy knit- Society about the changing face of been sniggered at, while knowledge of just media spin. But if you get into the ters’) when Slipknot’s website crashed print journalism. the offside rule or the name of craft, there’s more than just fashion or and their angry fans ended up at Tortoise’s drummer carries some kind feminist subversion to its appeal. SlipKnot, a knitting journal, which I’d of weird kudos. There’s something meditative about just taken over editing.” Talk: Quentin Which is why this knitting revival, slowing your thoughts down to the And this is the recurring jibe that Blake spearheaded by London ‘guerrilla rate of one stitch at a time that’s an filters down to women’s culture on so Cambridge Union, knitting group’ Cast-Off is so wel- antidote to years of guilt-inducing many different levels: ‘goody goody’, Tue March 1, 20.00 come. It sidesteps table-banging fem- immediacy and convenience, drinking ‘pussy’, or just plain boring; and this is The celebrated illustra- inism with a witty celebration of a takeaway coffee from Styrofoam cups why knitters have got militant.To find tor, and Honorary long-sidelined art-form, and manages and swearing at traffic lights. In addi- out more, come down to the next Fellow of Downing to incorporate anti-consumerism, tion to this, the ‘Stitch’n’Bitch’ sessions knit-together on Saturday 26th Feb in College will be talking about his life and gender politics, and a challenge to that have sprung up around America the Grad Café on Mill Lane. work, and his new children’s book, about accepted behaviour in public spaces and now England bring a community Beginners welcome, revolutionary the tragic death of his son. into the making of stripy mittens element to the craft: with disparate ideology optional.

ROOSTER REVIEWED MUSIC, PAGE 21 SCORCESE: REAL GOODFELLA OR RAGING BULLSHIT? FILM, PAGE 25 MOUNTAINOUS MUSIC AND A CLASH OF CULTURES MUSIC, PAGE 20 WHEN TALKING’S TOUGH PAGE 19 18 FASHION FANTASY February 25, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

Amelia: Wrapped scarf from Oxfam, tights worn as top from Marks and Spencer; Amanda: Futuristic underwear designed by Emily Norris and Meg Charnley (Fashion Show 2005 preview); Mia: Leotard from Dancia (London), gold jacket from Annie’s (Islington) www.varsity.co.uk February 25, 2005 LITERATURE 19 When words don’t come easily Writing hasn’t always been second nature for Whitbread Prize winner Nicholas Mosley, as he explains to Simon Calder ast year, Robert duction to his life and works in irreconcilably constrained by the Macfarlane wrote a review his own ‘Foreword’ to Efforts at nature of language: “language Lfor the Times Literary Truth: “My novels have some- seemed structured to describe Supp-lement in which he hailed times seemed unfashionable in bombardments, attacks, sacri- Nicholas Mosley “one of the most that they have suggested patterns, fices, self-immolations” – life, that important British novelists of the however ungraspable, beyond is, as seen by somebody like past half-century”. Mosley and helplessness and despair”. In the Franz. Language had little to do, Macfarlane are both prestigious Whitbread Prize-winning novel thought Mosley, “with calmness, literary figures: the former was Hopeful Monsters, Franz’s despair stillness, comprehension, with invited to judge the Booker Prize – on the eve of World War II – awareness of the whole” – all of in 1990 “on the coat-tails” of the that Europe cannot help but the things that someone more novel Hopeful Monsters and absurdly play out that great hun- hopeful – like Eleanor – might Macfarlane actually did judge the dred-act play which Nietzsche want to convey. In relation to Prize last year. When Rob trav- predicted for it is assuaged by such theorising about the con- elled up to London to visit Eleanor’s ability to convert the nection between language’s con- Nicholas earlier this month, a material he effectively feeds her ventional uses and humanity’s third – albeit slightly less presti- into a message that is hopeful. violent jockeying for power, it is gious – figure was present to wit- “We are actors anyway” she says, interesting to reflect on the pres- ness and record their meeting: and when Franz remarks “We entation in Efforts at Truth of arriving on Rob’s coat-tails as it may just die of the absurdity”, Mosley’s relationship with his were (or he on mine, since anoth- again she responds – “Oh we die father, Oswald Mosley, who was er commitment was holding him anyway. What use might we the leader – in the 1930s – of the up on the other side of London), make of the absurdity.” Franz is British Union of Fascists. I found myself approaching the slowly, throughout the course of Critiquing a series of front door of one of Britain’s most the novel, converted: putting his “increasingly bombastic” letters important contemporary novel- hands on Eleanor’s shoulders, he written between himself and his ists, temporarily missing my own says “You make me believe this!” father in the fifties, Mosley literary trump card. A mere Just as Nicholas was effectively exclaims “What a style!”: “I sup- undergraduate – writing my Part rescued by Verity, so his fictional pose” – he admits – “we were II dissertation on Mosley under characters continually rescue each other. His fictional works of the “My novels have “If life is like farce past few decades convey a hope- seemed unfashion- or tragedy, we ful vision of a world in which pre- sentations of an older generation’s able in that they should make it so continual ‘battling and jockeying have suggested that it is not” for position’ are tempered by the patterns beyond sense that an increasingly self- Rob’s watchful eye – I timidly conscious younger generation helplessness and rang on Lord Ravensdale’s (Sir may be working symbiotically (a despair” Nicholas Mosley’s) doorbell, and favourite word of Mosley’s) to was ushered into his house by a allow new and ever more positive both showing off ”. This pre- woman named Verity. narrative developments. Mosley senting of oneself to be all-of-a- I had come across Verity told Rob and I that there had piece being, from Oswald’s per- beforehand, through the medium once been a time when the only spective, language’s primary of the twentieth chapter of a stories he knew or cared about function, it is easy to under- story called Efforts at Truth. This were tragedies and farces; “but I stand how Nicholas once lost is an autobiographical story – don’t think life is…” – he his faith in the positive power of written by and about Mosley – stopped, before correcting him- the written word. Oswald’s within which Verity simply self – “I don’t want life to be like styles of life and writing accen- “turns up” at the right time to this. If life is like farce or tragedy, tuate how such contorted con- rescue the protagonist from a we should make it so that it is ceptions of the ends of language period of stasis in his life. “Verity not.” Mosley is suggesting that inevitably end up contorting and I” – Mosley narrates in the we should actively work with and one’s conceptions of the nature final chapter of the story – “live “make” something of – rather and the ends of life: ‘with regard in a big new house” (so this is her, than passively suffering from – to how human life worked or Inventing God, the most recently published of Mosley’s novels; the next will be his last, he says and this is it, I thought as Verity our absurdities. could work his policies seemed took my jacket): but “there is no Nicholas Mosley has not to have less and less to do with learned – however – “that, if you more redeemed at the end of his indeed have happened in one of end to a story until the protago- always been so hopeful however: reality’ analyses Mosley; indeed, watch, listen, you do not stay the own stories, this is precisely Mosley’s novels – Verity had nists are dead.” Being led by his first two novels, Spaces of the Oswald was working with the same: you can challenge, question because his respect for particular- interrupted and radically altered Verity and her two Pyrenees Dark and A Garden of Trees – supposition “that humans could the sound of your own voice.” ity – nourished by the novel’s the course of our meeting as I puppies through the endless written on returning from the be arranged and re-arranged That it was on these grounds that form – and his commitment to was about to set off. The issue of labyrinth of rooms that this “big Second World War – were pre- like words.” Perhaps it takes Mosley returned to novel-writing authentically writing about what emotional intelligence had come new house” comprised of, I had cisely about the hopelessness of being in close proximity to such is crucial and accentuates what is has already happened have up, the very temporal and emo- the sense of becoming implicated life, war and love: everything extreme cases to fully appreciate – in his later novels – so impor- encouraged the growth of such tional detachment that Rob and I in a story that had clearly not seemed “impossible” he reflected the strength of this propensity tant about his project. Entirely faculties as might allow the pres- had critiqued in Mosley’s works ended at the point at which on this period, smiling nostalgi- to use language to manipulate opposed to the use of language as ent to be written quite differently. had become the topic of conver- Efforts at Truth was suspended. cally: “I kept on using that word – rather than to try to get at the a merely manipulative tool, The most inspiring thing sation and – before I could stop Following Verity into Mosley’s impossible.” When Rob asked truth of things. Perhaps also, it Mosley returned with a new- myself – I had recommended a study, I found an eighty-two him why it was he had aban- was partly his father’s aversion found hope that the form of the “I stopped writing book by Martha Nussbaum, year-old Nicholas, reclined on a doned writing novels for a signif- to his profession as a novelist – novel might be able to express novels because of whose writings on ethics and bed so as to give a recently bro- icant portion of his life, Mosley (“novels were a waste of what something important about the aesthetics had informed our crit- ken leg a rest, yet still very much went on to explain how it indeed might be a talent for polemic human propensity or indeed even the sound of my icisms of his fiction. Compared alive and committed to develop- then seemed “impossible” to rec- and rhetoric”) – that intimated allow for ethical reorientation. voice declaring, with the dynamic reorientations ing his stories: this was his after- oncile a life that might be said to to Nicholas that any hope of Mosley no longer sees a conflict exposulating” that were going on in Nicholas noon off from writing a work of be “good” with a life that might discovering some positive pat- between the form of the novel Mosley’s ‘big new house’ I decid- literature about his experiences in be considered inclusive and tern behind humanity’s bom- and that of the well-lived life, an about Nicholas Mosley’s story is ed that even the Gang of Four – and the concept of – war; he immersed enough in particulari- bardments and abuses of power attention to particularity and this sense that one is never quite would be comparatively plain. was in the process, it turned out, ties to yield the sorts of experi- might` have to do with return- acute responsiveness to present certain in which direction its Nicholas Mosley’s final novel of overseeing the publication of ence that a novelist inevitably ing to writing them: “it sudden- happenings being crucial in both. protagonist might be about to Look at the Dark, released on what he thinks will be his final needs to draw on: “to be a novel- ly seemed not just possible but Efforts at Truth accentuates this: turn: I personally emerged from April 9th, is bound to be, like novel. By now Verity had shown ist” reasoned Mosley in Efforts at imperative” he described, “that I it is the story of one man’s efforts six hours worth of immersion in everything else that Mosley has me to a chair and was disappear- Truth, “one had to observe the should write another novel.” to convert his experiences as a this story, only to end up – twen- written before, different from ing to get some of her – one of multifariousness of experience “I had stopped writing novels” person and a novelist into forms ty minutes later – shaking hands anything else that Mosley has the most important novelists of rather than to be committed to wrote Mosley, “because of the that might uncover some truths with Phill Jupitus whilst we written before. Who knows – by the last fifty years was telling me one view of it.” Moreover, it sound of my voice declaring, about his or the general human watched Gang of Four’s reunion the time his work on war and – marvellous fruit-cake. seemed to Mosley that the tradi- expostulating.” In the course of predicament that could generally gig. I’d missed most of the con- peace is released, he might have Mosley provides an ideal intro- tional form of the novel itself was Efforts at Truth, he had also be learnt from. If he appears to be cert because – just as might converted to Nussbaum. 20 MUSIC February 25, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

NEW IN 2005 #6

Mystery Scaling the Alpine heights Nine Black Alps Pixies and Nirvana. Such con- enjoyable and less pressurised. of NBA. Every part of the track track, ‘I’m Satisfied’ even nections had left an impression It’s like going back to a school is a carefully crafted unit, full of showed a post-rock influence, APU Bar – 17 Feb on the band’s song-writing. “I band, when the best thing about interesting progressions. Lyrics with its reverb drenched bass,

Jets Review by Mike Savage spent a lot of time learning how it was the volume,” Sam like, “we’ll kill our time, I’ll be instinctively reminiscent of to finger pick,” Sam explained, explained. Indeed, as if to dead by sunrise,” are most simi- Sigur Ros. s soon as this four-piece “so you end up using weird underline the point, the band lar to those found on Elliott This plethora of interesting rock band from chords a lot.” opened with two proper rock Smith’s self titled album, or influences gives their musician- Think colanders, biscuit tins, AManchester formed, The more we talked about tracks, including the angular, Will Oldham’s, “I see a dark- ship a real edge which is clearly hubcaps and hairstyles stick- they attracted huge interest. their independent music con- ‘Not Everyone’, with its infec- ness.” The rock guitar is more lacking from the genre today. ing up in more directions Soon after playing a few gigs nections, the more Sam wanted tious sliding guitar riff. akin to Modest Mouse than the Yet, where some tracks demon- than Bowie’s barnet in around the city, the band was to indicate that, ultimately, they Yet it was their third track, Libertines. strated this, there were also too rsoflondon.net

Labyrinth, and what comes to recording an album in L.A. were a rock band. “Tonight ‘Cosmopolitan’ which trulye The new single Shot Down many in which the band’s desire mind? No, not your student with Rob Schnapf, the man you’ll see that a lot of the chords demonstrated the band’s poten- again displayed a real ability to to recapture that enthusiasm of kitchen after a night out, but who produced the work of their are bar chords, just because they tial. Starting with a quirky, off-tow mould rock with pensive guitar the loud, school rock outfit, led London-based four-piece idol Elliott Smith; having it are just funny and loud,” he told beat guitar riff reminiscent of work. The pace of that track was to a bias towards noise and a Mystery Jets. Consider that mixed by the man behind Mars me. I asked where the rock Smith’s ‘Needle in the Hay’, the perfect, as shown by the enthu- sacrifice of the more musically they live and record on Eel Volta in New York; and playing direction came from. “It’s just track seemed like the true voice siastic crowd response. A new absorbing aspects. It is precisely

Pie Island, in the middle of to thrilled crowds in Japan. e their thoughtfulness in song-

the Thames (and home to NME have already described ag writing in combination with one of the most bizarre gigs it them as, “nothing short of av their unapologetic desire to rock S has been my bemused privi- incredible.” This rapid ascent that explains why the band have

lege to squeeze into), respect surprised the band members, as Mike been seized upon in such a way. that the band’s guitarist is the drummer James Galley told When I asked NBA how far singer’s dad. Talking Heads me: “We never had any idea it they thought they would go, and Dexy’s might have was going to happen. None of they were understandably reti- sounded like this if they’d us had any grand schemes to cent. Guitarist, David, did not read more children’s fiction. get a record deal.” I had heard see the band progressing to the Previous offerings ‘You Can’t of the band through people heights predicted by NME. But Fool Me Dennis’ and ‘Lizzie’s who were not necessarily rock if they manage to retain their Lion’ (about a friend with fans, but rather hardened inde- obvious enthusiasm, whilst motor neurone disease and a pendent music fans. bringing their thoughtful and girl who had a lion that came This hinted that NBA had novel guitar writing to the fore, alive, respectively) are more to them than just bar NBA could indeed be the tonic enhanced in puzzlement- chords, distortion and volume. that the rock world is crying out value by new single ‘Zoo Indeed, lead singer and guitarist, for.Watch this space. If you Time’. It’s about…goodness Sam Forrest described how the want to decide for yourself, knows what. Give it a listen, band had enjoyed an impressive there is another chance to see spot the kitchen utensils, and musical education: Cat Power, Nine Black Alps when they sup- answers on a postcard. Lou Barlow and Elliott Smith port the Kaiser Chiefs at the Mary Bowers were the real inspirations for Junction, on 19th of April. www.mysteryjets.com them, rather than seemingly more obvious ones, such as the Nine Black Alps: Would someone please tell them Trucker caps are like, so last year. www.nineblackalps.com

Bands go to war eek Battle of the Bands make the night enjoyable. dirty bass, won over the crowd Clare Cellars - 19 Feb The crowd witnessed some and judges. Though it may have of the w impressive shows of musician- been unfair competition in retro- Review by Mary Bowers ship, including the virtuoso blues spect, the Cellars were only too

ake a little home-grown guitar of inter-college five-piece pleased to continue grinding the lbum

punk, add some pop and Dave’s Cousin’s Band. Appearing night away to the kicking violin A Tmath-rock, throw in a bit onstage to a rapturous ‘DCB! and djembe-infused beats of of Jewish/World underlain with DCB!’ they outstripped emo Emunah’s encore. The Arcade Fire The Mars Volta The Kills hip-hop, squeeze them into an three-piece Little Alien, whose www.emunahmusic.com Funeral Frances the Mute No Wow underground venue under the Cambridge via California vocals banner of altruistic intent and were accompanied by adolescent Cambridge charity SCA enables After 2004 saw them barely able On their second album these I’m not entirely sure where the what do you get? Not a fusion of bedroom lyrics: ‘Last night I had student volunteers to help with com- to move for Stateside critical former members of At The Kills fit in in the big portrait of MOBO and NME compèred by a dream,/10,000 aliens came/and munity projects such as visiting the frottage, Montreal’s The Arcade Drive In achieve what they rock. They make dancey-rocky Bob Geldof, but the 2005 SCA took society away’ elderly, babysitting, and running Fire have finally deemed us never quite managed in their music which is neither dance- Battle of the Bands. Emo and mathmo alike were homework clubs. For more informa- Limeys ready to receive their previous incarnation, that being able nor something to head- Clare Cellars was heaving blown away by Emunah, whose tion call (02113)350365 or visit debut masterpiece. Online syco- to commit their live intensity bang to. It’s like a minimalist with throngs of devoted college blend of ‘world and Jewish www.cambridgesca.org.uk phancy and a band name better- and vibrance to record. This is post-rock record- surely a con- groupies, g’n’t-swilling cool music’, fused with hip-hop and suited to emo-cretins crying mainmen Cedric Bixler and tradiction in terms? I could see kids and Ball scouts, but this about girls in horn-rimmed specs Omar Rodriguez’s self-avowed some of the songs being mixed was more than a mere trial of r aside, Funeral is one of the out- ‘prog’ album and with final over something as the vocals rock’n’roll might. Though orig- standing releases of the decade so song ‘Cassandra Gemini’ are pretty strong even though

inality was not always the hneide far. Much is made of the three clocking in at over twenty min- the lyrics are nothing particu- watchword, there was the odd Sc band relations’ deaths during the utes in length that label cer- larly special. They pull off all

smattering of innovation. ude writing and recording of the tainly has a basis in reality. Yet the right moves with seemingly Among oddly monikered acts album; their influence on the this is an album that avoids the no substance, and despite my such as Jon Picked Our Name Cla ever-present themes of mourn- pitfalls of customary progres- view that the vocals seem appeared some impressively pol- ing, family and reflection – sive indulgence through sheer strong, they don’t seem espe- ished acts: Crackademic, a exemplified on ‘In The Backseat’ inventiveness, Rodriguez build- cially suited to the music. The Pembroke six-piece originally and ‘Neighborhood #1’ – is ing up complex arrangements growling guitars really make formed for a college production indisputably powerful. Yet the then breaking them down as on me want someone gravelly like of ‘Hedwig and the Angry Inch’ crux of Funeral’s force lies in the ‘L’Via L’Viaquez’ to the bare Mark Lanegan on vocals. If you pleased the crowd with an momentous passion seeping latin groove that propels like the singles it’s more of the impressive cover from the show, from its every bar, whose mes- Frances The Mute into transcen- same and you’ll probably like it, sung by a frontman in a trench- merising universality renders any dent arse-shaking territory. but this is basically Yeah Yeah coat looking not unlike that of recommendation more devel- This is an inspired and inspir- Yeahs album filler and not Jake ‘Scissor Sisters’ Shears. oped than ‘just incredible’ seem ing achievement. worth the time. Rock’n’roll warfare it may not like unnecessary over-analysis. have been (the closest anyone came to militancy seemed to be Jon Swaine Krzsystof Honowski Sam Blatherwick Selwyn’s bandana-clad JPON crooning a cover of Muse’s Funeral is released on Frances the Mute is released on No Wow is released on February ‘Newborn’ enthusiastically, but February 28th through February 28th through Island 28th through Domino there was enough anticipation to Rough Trade Emunah’s Daniel Silverstein gets eclectic at Clare Cellars MUSIC www.varsity.co.uk February 25, 2005 21 Busting out of the coop To see and do GIGS Rooster admits the band have been com- bands surely lies in their live - as a cover of the Cream classic ented and down-to-earth in the Junction – 20 Feb pared to “quite a lot of bands we opposed to possibly studio- ‘Sunshine Of Your Love’, upbeat style of their delivery. Roots Manuva Review by Andy Hodges wouldn’t have thought of, from enhanced - performance. pop-rock tune ‘Joyride’ and Clearly, in their interest for March 1st Westlife to Velvet Revolver.” Thanks to each of the band debut single ‘Come Get Some’. bands like this, fans are buying Catch the acclaimed UK hip- he music industry and its Admittedly, their sound is far members’ several years of experi- Recent top-10 single ‘Staring At into an image as much as a hop star on tour for his recent participants have a - per- more polished than that of the ence on the live circuit, Rooster The Sun’ also pleased the young sound. The hordes of - largely album Awfully Deep. Thaps slightly obsessive - aforementioned influences, and manage to impress in this and lively crowd. female - teenage fans make this Cambridge Junction fascination with categorisation. the image they portray does sug- respect; indeed David goes as far The group were undoubtedly statement most clearly, screaming £12.50 door / £13.50 adv Sub-genre after sub-genre is gest a degree of squeaky-clean, as to suggest that playing live “is at their best while unleashing whenever any band member (or www.junction.co.uk constructed (or discovered), boy band charm. The crunch what we’re all about.” their faster, high-energy tunes technician, for that matter) wan- often solely in the name of fash- with these so-called ‘nu-pop’ Highlights of the gig included rather than the frequently bland, ders onstage unsuspectingly. Fightstar + Support ion or simple novelty value. more down-tempo songs that However, essentially what real- March 3rd However, the separation threatened to steal the night’s ly matters the most at a gig like Emo-tinted rock with a cer- between certain musical bound- momentum. Vocalist Nick this is that the crowd leave happy, tain ex-member of Busted. aries has traditionally seemed Atkinson exerts a fiery stage pres- and although Rooster’s set was Possibly rubbish, but will sat- quite firmly marked out. ence, though admittedly much of relatively short, at a little over isfy nostalgia for Live and That is until recently, when the official.com his style - and to an extent three-quarters of an hour in Kicking. distinction between teen-pop and appearance - is borrowed from length, the punters gleefully par- APU Academy

credible rock has been seriously rooster Mick Jagger, obviously quite a ticipated with the band’s viva- £8 door + NUS / £7 adv called into question by a wave of band idol. Impressively, whilst cious onstage antics. www.wegottickets.com new bands, namely the Busted- maintaining a lively set through- Dave summed up the Rooster McFly generation, of which out, the whole group seemed mentality in the following Lemon Jelly Rooster are most definitely a part. relaxed as they delivered their hits remarks: “I think people should March 4th Arriving at the venue, the shrill to an expectant audience. just take us how they see us.” See the Mercury-nominated screams of excited teenyboppers How one takes bands such as Rather than sitting around, idly duo let flow their chilled, preparing to hold up their felt- Rooster clearly depends on the arguing about what categories dancey ambience on their tour tipped poster declarations of love preconceptions you choose to such as pop and rock do or do not for latest album ‘64-’95 certainly prevailed. However, the bring to your adopted critical mean anymore, it is surely more Cambridge Corn Exchange crowd was actually comprised of stance. Musically, they are deriva- worthwhile to cast aside the pre- £15.00 door / adv a more heterogeneous mix of fans tive, and inevitably fail to reach conceptions such labels carry, and www.cornex.co.uk than one might expect at a stan- the more original heights scaled enjoy bands for what they are. dard pop gig, comprising both by many of their cited influences Rooster may lack musical young and old. in throughout the 1960s and 70s. depth, but their inoffensive, ONLINE Musically, Rooster’s influences However, if your benchmark sharp-rock mentality and rea- seem more in the vein of Cream- of comparison is more one- sonably tight live performance See Varsity Music for an era Eric Clapton and the Rolling dimensional, late-nineties pop, makes for a harmless, genuinely interview with The Arcade Stones than Boyzone or Take plummeting to the depths of fun show that will unleash the Fire and live reviews of Low, That. On categorising the bands myriad Pop Idol rejects reciting secret teeny-bopper in even the The Concretes and Taskforce sound, drummer David Neale hollow ballads and overpro- most cynical of you, if you are at Clare Cellars remarked “I wouldn’t like to duced covers, Rooster are actu- prepared to let it. www.varsity.co.uk pigeonhole us,” although he Rooster’s Nick and Luke, doing it for the kids. And adults. ally relatively sophisticated, tal- www.roosterofficial.com 22 THEATRE February 25, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk

something of a motif in the first character, and subsequently the What to Watch Progress half of Progress. Shirley and lines of the supporting characters Thomas investigate the bound- often suffered. Where Shirley

ADC, 22 - 26 Feb a Galvin ice r

aries of human relationships, with and Thomas do excel is in short, gr Sarah Conneally a bit of gayness and penis action sublime dialogues or monologues lle The Footlights spring revue is thrown in for good luck. as the case may be, based on a A Jessie P “not to be missed”. Progress, writ- Tiani Ghosh's performance as ploy of clever writing, good jokes, ten by the duo of Cambridge the potential sculptor demon- but ultimately cheap laughs. comic genii that is Raph Shirley strates that women can ‘do’ come- Attempting to write two hours and Joe Thomas, evoked high dy and do it well. Its lighthearted of comedy is a brave thing to do. hopes for the evening’s entertain- poke at the pretentious patter that Shirley and Thomas are certainly ment. Matt Harvey is strong as can evolve in the course of what brave, which is admirable, but the drifting tailor/author, still we call progress is helped along by sadly brave people don’t always looking for his niche in the the exuberance of her friends. make good progress. Progress has world. The generalisations of the The main problem of Progress an exceptionally strong cast, and job interview, and beautifully dis- is that it is too long; funny, witty, is at points very well written, but orientating relationship between surreal, sublime and naturalistic it the sketches should have been Lunch, by Berkoff the interviewer (Nick may be, but the truth is that the shorter and the jokes more con- ADC, 2–5 March, 11pm Mohammed) and the tea boy parts of the sketches that are very cise. A friend of mine is fond of “A play that will highlight the (Simon Bird), set the standard for funny are often lost in the tedium saying, ‘I’m a big fan of cutting’; actor in all of us before wooing it the sublime parodies of human of the intermittent dialogue. The in the case of Progress, I would out onto the stage.” relations. Threesomes appear as sketches tended to focus on one have to agree. Play spot Megan Prosser this Team Footlights: it’s a funny old game week as she performs at the Arts and the ADC on the same night.

Iceberg improv team had Some of the best moments tion of a race of murderous self-deprecating enough bunch iffin Improvisation! plenty of both, and some included a man walking into a crows. The madness culmi- to make the assorted cock-ups Gr ADC, 22 Feb

er sparkly capes too. dating agency looking for a nates in a fierce battle of words all seem rather endearing. For et The premise was that, with randomly aggressive, incoher- and leeks between an evil wiz- many comedians one of the P Lottie Oram a little help from our nut/noun ard and the self proclaimed most terrifying things would “Isn’t the word ‘nut’ an obsessed audience, the come- selling items king of Wales followed by a be standing up on stage with abstract noun?” Not a heckle dians would improvise four rousing song summing up the absolutely no material pre- the average comedian is often original TV shows with titles such as a vibrat- moral message of evening, pared. You have to be faced with, but then this is the provided by the audience, ing elephant “eeevil crows, eeevil crows, we impressed with the people who crazy cut-throat world of complete with commercial and Bolivia don’t want none of those”. can make it up on the spot and improvised comedy. This is a breaks and weather forecasts. All in all this was a very make it work. The Iceberg world where hair-brained sit- Titles were predictably ‘zany’ ent girlfriend, shopping chan- witty, silly and fast-paced team will be performing an Orpheus in the Underworld uations and schemes are and included such smashers as nel hosts trying to sell such show. Not every situation Amnesty gig, in their own Arts, 1-5 March, 7:30pm thrown together at the whim “the Wellingtons of doom” tricky items as a vibrating ele- worked and the performers’ words “soon”, and it’s well of the audience and often and “the rise of the flying phant, Thursday and Bolivia; various attempt at portraying worth catching up with them, With the biggest cast strung out with nothing more crumble birds”. But the come- and, of course, a man who con- foreign accents were quite even just to throw in your own Cambridge will see this year, than few well-placed jokes and dians did well to make this fuses mutagen for bread- amusingly dire. But the come- nut-based heckle. God bless it promises to be a glitzy a silly hat. Thankfully, the enforced wackiness work. crumbs resulting in the forma- dians were a quick-witted and the Cambridge audience. extravaganza. THEATRE www.varsity.co.uk February 25 , 2005 23 r hneide

Titus’ Revenge ude Sc Sophie Middlemiss enjoys a blood-bath Cla

itus might be called a in Sainsbury’s bags). This direc- Kirstin Smith’s rendering of “most lamentable Roman torial decision is expressive less the villainous female lead, Ttragedy,” but this produc- of discomfort with the extremi- Tamora, is as memorable, her tion feels more like the “fearful ty of the material, though, than carnal appetites filtered through slumber” of a nightmare (to of the very proximity of laugh- an exquisitely manipulative quote the eponymous hero). ter and tears which the play so veneer which makes this mur- Fixated by flesh, the play cli- disarmingly demonstrates. deress, complicit in Lavinia’s maxes with the infamous canni- When the devastated Titus rape, disturbingly likeable. Sam balistic “pie scene.” One gratu- contemplates the wreck of his Goodyear as Aaron meanwhile is itous murder occurs mid-way life he can only say: “Ha, ha, a revelation; this very ‘devil’ who through the first scene, and the ha.” Shakespeare insinuates the dies regretting that he did not death-count from then on spi- limitations of language to commit more sin is unsettlingly rals, leaving the stage frequently encompass the extremities of sympathetic, particularly during difficult to navigate with bagged possible human experience. a startling evocation of the large- or bare bodies underfoot. The point is pressed home by ly unexplored bond between A well-chosen supporting the plight of the maimed father and newborn child. cast are led by some notable Lavinia, whose physical inabili- The engineering of this performances. Jonathan ty to speak the unspeakable - blood-bath by director Daisy Beckman as Titus is powerful, her rape - makes literal her Black is as careful as rooted and most in command muteness in the first scene Shakespeare’s controlling and when gleefully machinating where she is bartered by feeding of his audience’s progres- revenge. His manifest enjoy- prospective husbands. sively growing appetite for hor- ment of the comic set-pieces Alexandra Butt’s performance ror, building to the unparalleled reflects the tendency of the as the abused girl is transfixing; pie scene. This triumphantly- overall direction (at one point, one shoe off, she reels, stum- executed climax fittingly finishes two sons’ severed heads are bling and shying away from off Titus, a production as delec- placed before their loving father physical contact. table as a crusty head pasty.

The Countess mysterious stranger who becomes to great comic effect and Adam are overcome by inventive the audience to the Countess’s Terry (Count/Sargeant/Majezik) Killing Alex direction. Scattered throughout Octagon, St. Chads, story, is cajoling, ironic and pity- who, as the Count, showed flair Corpus Playroom, 22nd - 26th Feb, 7.30pm the performance are operatic 22 - 26 Feb, 7.30pm evoking in turn, all with an and self-control during the wed- renditions, strobe lighting Review by Anna Marx Review by Miranda Stearn understated charm that is the ding night sequence! effects and even a human pho- mark of a stage actor brimming Topham’s writing excels in the tocopier: scenes which urge you James Topham’s The Countess with confidence. Playing across weaving of the Countess’ story. Every morning Alex wakes up, ceeds in bringing out the to smile, despite the subject. (following swiftly on the heels of from him, Jenkins is magisterial. The dialogue is witty and the has a slice of toast and takes comic irony in sparking up The one directorial catastro- his Rostov’s House, which played She strides across the stage with action well-paced; the actors the tube to work. He is never one’s life by stamping it out. phe comes in the form of at the ADC last term) is a blend purpose and vigour, weaving the dwell on the touching humanity late. In fact, he has become so The play opens with a masking tape. On the one of wit, magical realism and Countess’ tales in the air as if she of the characters, the humour in neatly attuned to the minutiae crowd of workers waiting for hand it is used creatively to tragedy all played out in the could bring them to life in front tune with more substantial textu- of daily life that the only thing the tube to take them to their map out Alex’s dull flat as if it round in the delightful surround- of our very eyes merely through al characterisation than was evi- keeping him from mediocrity 9 to 5’s; Alex stands closest to were a blueprint, rather than a ings of the Octagon. It is also the the power of voice and gesture. It dent in Rostov’s House. is his restless death-wish. the white line, willing himself home - reminiscent of the set first production from Close Knit is a performance that personifies The first night – especially Tom Powell’s new writing to jump. Cleverly, the same in Lars von Trier’s film Productions, a new company the notion of stage presence – she due to a sudden change in cast- brings the London crowd who are so indifferent Dogville. On the other, the founded by Topham and Ben is on stage from beginning to end ing – had its jitters, and the stag- Underground to the intimate to his situation become the constant ripping-off and stick- Deery. It is, in the greatest part, and the audience is constantly ing wasn’t as slick as it might studio of the playroom, a set- obsessive chorus inside his ing-on with every scene an interrupted monologue by the aware of her control over every- have been. Due to cast illness, ting well suited to this experi- head and the only kindness change means that what is at eponymous Countess (Cordelia thing that passes before our eyes. Julia Clark had stepped into the mental drama. Powell takes a Alex receives comes from the first inventive becomes cloying Jenkins), who – having been told They are admirably supported part of Marianne at four hours’ common theme, that of sui- quiet girl of the office, tender- and cumbersome, aggravated precisely when and where she is by a secondary cast of four that notice and gave a performance cide and the alienation of the ly played by Rea White. by the even-more-irritating to die – has escaped from her play out numerous characters that needed no excuses. On the self, and turns it on its head; Running beneath all this is a chanting that accompanies it. hospital bed into a nearby forest between them – not because of contrary her charm and whimsi- self-annihilation becomes truth Powell forces us to This aside, Killing Alex is an and narrates the story of her life the usual problem of a play pro- cal self-assurance make it hard self-affirmation when Alex acknowledge: whether we ambitious and lively produc- to a man she happens to meet duced in Cambridge, a lack of to imagine the part played any realises someone other than choose our moment of death, tion and well worth an there (played by Asti Parnell). actors to cast, but to point out other way. An exceptional piece himself wishes him dead - will burn off a few years by smok- entrance fee. Whether you’re The roles played by Jenkins parallels and repetitions. of new writing coupled with he get there first? The writer ing, or just let it slide, we’re all looking for soundly-acted and Parnell are the adhesive that Amongst them special note strong performances which deals sensitively with an issue heading for a common terminus. drama or inspiration for a binds the whole play together should go to Frank Paul (as could, once the technical diffi- he considers particularly rele- Although the script can be novel murder-method, go and fortunately both actors are Charles/Angelo) who plays bum- culties are overcome, prove vant to today’s exclusionary truistic at times and the charac- along and indulge Powell’s extremely good. Parnell, as the bling, loving, but utterly hopeless something quite special. and indulgent world and suc- terisation trite, such limitations backlash against the mundane.

an content, was a refreshing and all that plagued and inspired quently thought-provoking, the v Wasteland innovative surprise. him. This play feels alive in a audience reacting with mur- Be ADC, 23-26 Feb, 11pm As the house lights dim, two constant state of revision, murs of recognition and satis- lotte Review by Roz Gater images confront the audience struggling with a set of lan- fied self-congratulatory nods as –A laden with books and a guages, the actors skilfully it soon became evident that Char Much of Wasteland is based on pile of stones. The barren springing from Spanish to seemingly random upheavals of T.S. Eliot’s The Waste Land, sterility of cultural society as Latin; each phase is presented place, situation and character, which is an impossible poem. Eliot saw it was effectively, if only to fade behind a new one, were in fact connected in an This is an impossible play, and rather unimaginatively, con- in a frustrated state of evolu- impenetrable web of inter- this is thus an impossible veyed by the stones, and the tionary stagnation. dependence. However, simulta- review to write. Unable to table and books indicated the Wasteland is a narrative of neously, the combination of obtain the rights to the original extremely introspective, and sounds. There are momentary noise and image was fatally poem, the play is only loosely psychological, nature of this flashes of stylised discordance, transitory; Wasteland is infinite- based on the poem itself, and piece. Everything we wit- of fragmented imagery and fig- ly forgettable, as the words of more upon the montage of allu- nessed was the product of ures physicalised as shapes, out- this play drift into black noth- sions referenced by Eliot, or cut Eliot’s research, mind and lines, who are rarely real; but ingness as soon as they are by Ezra Pound in the poem’s imagination. This fostered in these flashes are experienced as expressed by a chorus of inter- radical revision stages prior to its dramatic form a sequence of merely a background set against changeable, faceless representa- publication. Wasteland didn’t randomly nightmarish phases, a soundtrack of words devoid of tions of Eliot’s unreality. move or excite or amuse me; as well as a single male figure meaning, rendered, simply, Impossible to describe, fos- but the sincerity of the actors, playing, presumably, Eliot noise. Random birdcalls and tering moments of beauty, every and the detached direction that himself. The play thus seems stunning melodious song pierce Cambridge student should see refused to interpret and instead to aim at re-constructing the the air, returning like the bunch this play and be challenged to skilfully created a rhythmical process of creation experienced of lilacs, as a constant reminder articulate its meaning and its and incredibly synchronized by Eliot, with the chorus of of the intertextuality of the relative success, hopefully with dialogue of highly ambiguous black spirits representative of piece. Wasteland was conse- more eloquence than I have. 24 VISUAL ARTS Febuary 25, 2005 www.varsity.co.uk Laing brings war politics to Pop-Art

from carefully alluding to such a Claire Hart contrast as an artist keen to avoid controversy and revulsion would, Laing has made this reviews the contrast fiercely clear and com- pletely tangible. Brightly- Gerald coloured, stylised images trans- planted straight from 60s Pop Art are overlaid with meticu- Laing lously drawn reliefs derived from photographs of the suffer- exhibition ing caused by the bombing of Baghdad in March 2003 and the torture seen in Abu Ghraib. at King’s The effect is a dark satire of American exploitation and erciless” was the arrogance and the posing of highly appropri- questions which have possibly “Mate choice of not been raised as frequently as words made by a friend of they should have been. Gerald Laing in response to Surely a sophisticated nation this collection of ‘War which gave birth to rock ‘n’ roll Paintings’. They are the work and mass-production, and which of a British artist fêted by the believes itself to be following a in-crowd of the 1960s New divinely ordained path would not York art scene, who retreated dehumanise their fellow men to the tranquillity of rural simply because they could; they Scotland to dedicate himself would not take pleasure in devis- to the ‘moral’ creation of pub- ing novel ways to inflict pain; lic sculpture, before being their pilots would not listen to drawn back to Pop Art in pop music as they made their response to outrage he could round-trip to Baghdad for the no longer contain. This out- purposes of “Shock and Awe”, or rage is, fairly obviously, direct- in other words the indiscriminate ed against the action taken by destruction of a city where the the U.S. in Iraq; but also, more lights were still on. “Shock and subtly, against what he Awe” is the subject of one of the described as “the rehearsed larger canvasses, aptly entitled banalities” of Pop Art, the “Awe Shucks”, in which Laing genre in which he first made portrays Baghdad ablaze whilst his name, and its practitioners George Bush, regal, removed, – above all Andy Warhol. protected, is exalted as some kind Juxtaposition is the key to the of saviour under the gaze of an explosive nature of these works. eye taken from the US dollar bill A desperately stark contrast is whose significance doesn’t require drawn between an image of a great deal of extrapolation. It is hard to avoid the artistic A desperately stark comparison with Michael It is hard not to with so much potential to make the visitor’s book: “V. powerful are cleverly composed and contrast is drawn Moore; one which Laing would avoid the artistic a positive contribution to the and impressive work. Made me skilfully crafted. Possibly their between an image welcome. When I asked him world could get it so wrong. realise how right I was to principal virtue, lies in the fact about the way in which his comparison with Both are acutely politically oppose it [war in Iraq]” that they were produced not as of omnipotence paintings were a response to Michael Moore; attuned and well informed. Laing’s works are also a result of a large commission, and post-industrial American foreign policy, he Such is the political edge to impressive pieces of art in their simply for the sake of it or to immediately replied with the one which Laing these ‘War Paintings’ that own right, however inextrica- keep up with the Joneses of the prosperity question, “Have you seen would welcome when Cambridge Labour MP bly linked they may be to a art world, but because a partic- omnipotence and post-industri- Fahrenheit 9/11?”, as if the latter Anne Campbell, who resigned particular political agenda. ularly gifted artist felt moved al prosperity which America had provided a direct source of the medium of film. Both men her government position in One can easily be over- to enter into and put forward would have us buy into, and the impetus for them. Laing is share a respect for America itself protest at the decision to go to whelmed by their sheer vibran- his opinion within a debate not so pretty, frankly disturbing, expressing on canvass that which as a nation, but have experienced war, visited the exhibition she cy and feel the need to drink in which has massive implica- reality it has unleashed. Far Moore seeks to convey through bewilderment at how a country left the following message in as much of it as possible. They tions for the world we live in. From carcass to canvas: art grows up Can a painting ever be as sexy as a pickled shark? asks Johanna Z-Sharp aving just heard that Hirst, is “what art is all about”? Apparently the British public is The trend appears to not The question we have to ask one would almost expect the Damien Hirst’s 14 It would appear so. no longer impressed with the only embrace paint as a pri- ourselves is, however: does this pieces to be painted in bodily Hfoot pickled Tiger Saatchi’s new and controver- insipidly scandalising images of mary medium, but it also new-found love of the ‘art of fluids, not the more conform- Shark was beginning to disin- sial penchant for painting as drug use, sex and violence, nor explores a range of different painting’ inspire the same kind ist medium of oil paint. tegrate, I felt perversely “the most relevant and vital way can the ‘shock factor’ of an ani- figurative colour combinations of hype as Tracy Emin’s con- Suddenly we were faced with amused. Sold for £7 million to mal carcass be convincing evi- and brush strokes – these tend dom-strewn and heavily the notion that we could no the Museum of Modern Art in Apparently the dence for artistic talent. to be bold and self-assured, longer get excited by blatant New York in 2004, the appar- British public is no Harking back to the neo- although Peter Doig takes a far the art gallery scandal, nor could explicit ent landmark of ‘Brit Art’ had expressionism of the 1950’s, gentler approach. served not as a way pornography incite us to pose begun to rot in its formalde- longer impressed Saatchi’s newest collection is a In its blatant desertion of past the unanimous question of hyde-filled container and with the insipidly profoundly impressive display conceptual paradigms, ‘The of displaying art, ‘but is it art?’. reportedly required extensive of slightly conventional, yet Triumph of Painting’ ironically but making it The boundaries of art had and expensive restoration to scandalising images provokingly vivid pieces. serves as an ode to the early been pushed so far that an art piece together its rapidly of drug use,sex and ‘Found objects’, cigarette sculp- 20th century German expres- stained bed, or David Falcon’s gallery served not as a way of decomposing flesh. tures and other endearing dis- sionist movements. I was sur- enourmous mound of dead displaying art, but making it. Was this a final and desper- violence plays of youth culture have all prised to see such a rats? I would suggest it does. Ironically it appears that the ately ironic attempt to inspire that artists choose to communi- been replaced by rough pig- Kirchneresque devotion to The imminent media atten- very idea of producing art for shock and awe from its new cate” was confirmed in January ments and a confident parade skilled paint manipulation – tion which Saatchi’s new exhi- the sake of art, and not as a route American audience, or had the with the launch of his new of brush manipulation suggest- particularly in the works by bition provoked bore such to breeding artistic debate, is animal simply given up on eter- exhibition entitled ‘The ing an altogether more mature Peter Kippenberger and Jörg resemblance to that surround- controversial enough for our nal life which, according to Triumph of Painting’. approach to art. 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BOTH CURRICULAR and bruisings are provided without for mental read metal, as ‘The before matches, in order to rake Name: Anton Bojkov extra-curricular Cambridge discrimination, be it in the Machine’ played a whole 2nd down strikers’ legs. Those with College: Trinity Hall activities are normally synony- white-hot heat of the 6th half with a badly broken foot. sensitive hearing should be Position: Centre-Back mous with outstanding Division or a friendly with a warned when watching Dirty Player Credentials: achievement, excellence, girls’ team on Parker’s Piece. Name: Steve Hall Addison, as opponents are fre- Gasps of horror are heard when refinement and an overall College: Pembroke quently heard shrieking in agony opponents realise the Beast from majesty in behaviour and per- Position: Left-Back at “The Animal”’s predatory tac- Bulgaria is on the field. Anton’s formance. Perhaps college Dirty Player Credentials: tics on strikers. dad might own CSKA Sofia, but football is something of an A veteran in his seventh sea- Sendings-Off: 0 he has more cult fans at Trinity anomaly then, as there are a son at Pembroke, Hall has no Most Despicable Incident: Hall. Anton cannot run or jump, plethora of participants who regard for his own physical Mark played a whole game might be described as dis- well-being let alone that of whilst wanted by the police for en graceful, despicable and down- younger, faster, more skillful stealing shop signs. His on-the- av right dirty. I have spent the opponents. His disproportion- pitch behaviour would hardly week getting to know these Mortal Kombat star ‘Chettz’ ately short-stumpy legs com- provide a character reference for somewhat revered individuals, bine well with his long body to his off-the-field-antics. Eddie Cr and have compiled a list that make some of the most horrif- separates the Vinny Joneses Name: Steve ‘Simmo’ Simons ic challenges in the league. Name: Ben Auty from the Griff-Rhys Joneses, College: St. Catz Cope-ing strategies Legend has it that Hall’s two College: Emmanuel and the Paul Gascoignes from Position: Striker footed lunge broke one Position: Centre Back the Bamber Gascoignes. Dirty Player Credentials: Sendings Off: 0. unlucky players shin pads. Dirty Player Credentials: Just as determination and 3 ambulances have been called Sendings-Off: 2 It’s not always known whether Name: Saravanan ‘Chettz’ desire follow Simmo, so too do to matches, although nothing Most despicable incident: the crowd is shouting ‘Ben Auty’ Chettiar aggression and violence. His to do him with him he insists. Steve was dismissed from one or ‘Ban Auty’. Despite the for- College: Corpus Christi volatile temperament and his Most Despicable Incident: match for stamping on the head mer being his name, the latter Position: Right-Back acumen for intimidating pro- Cope sees it as his duty to per- of the opponent’s goalkeeper. would be more apt. Ben has no Dirty Player Credentials: fanities render him both folk- sonally deal with every single True to form, Hall showed no feeling in his right foot, which Even “Chettz-nut”’s team- loric and frightening. ball that enters the penalty remorse and had to be he likens to ‘meat on a stick.’ The Bulgarian Beast mates are scared of him. Sendings-Off: 2 box. With the ball bouncing restrained to stop him fighting Imagine this swinging unsus- When Chettz goes in for chal- Most Despicable Incident: safely into the goalkeeper’s the rest of their horrified team. pectingly into your calf and you but when his fearful eyes and lenges, the rest of the team After seeing ‘red mist’, Simmo arms, he charged towards it, get the idea. expression alone can cause gawp, expecting a deep-toned threw a well-aimed punch at a swung a telescopic leg at it, Sendings Off: 0 defenders to surrender the ball, he Mortal Kombat-like ‘FINISH defender. The referee rather missed, flew into the keeper, Most Despicable Incident: probably does not need to. HIM’ command to follow. surprisingly offered just a cau- sending both of them sprawl- The day his team-mates realised Sendings-Off: 0. He is consis- And Chettz invariably does, tion. However Simmo was ing to the ground. With the that the reason Ben could appear tently substituted in order to damaging more metatarsals surprised by even this recrimi- inevitability of Greek tragedy, to challenge so aggressively, with- prevent this outcome. Only after than David Beckham sends nation, and retorted “you don’t an opposition striker was on out regard to his own pain he has decapitated the oppo- infidel messages. know what you are f**king hand to slot the ball into the threshold. ‘Haven’t been able to nent’s best players. David Beckham is notorious doing, you f**king c**t”, which empty net. feel anything for years’, he told his Most Despicable Incident: for contacting his detractors. then produced the red card. compadres, ‘don’t miss it either’. A long-ball characteristically Chettz has promised to be on- Name: Richard ‘The bounces over Anton’s head. hand if difficulties arise. Name: Thomas Copeland Machine’ Staff Anton is characteristically out- Sendings Off: 0. College: Caius College: Girton paced as the opponent takes the Would a referee risk it? Position: Right-Back Position: Centre-Back ball on 12 yards from goal. Most Despicable Incident: Dirty Player Credentials: Dirty Player Credentials: Anton typically scythes his His commitment to the team At first sighting you might Quite simply the man is made opponent to penalty. The ref means he would never allow a describe Cope as clumsy; 6ft of metal. And if metal could points to the spot. Anton is out- long-ball to bounce, but his 3ins, a colossal build, mam- have mental illnesses, his Red-card ‘veteran’ Steve Hall raged, but you can’t change the recklessness meant that on one moth legs, giant arms - and affliction would be Tourette's, Name: Mark Addison referee’s decision. Anton can. occasion his goalkeeper’s head absolutely no coordination. grunting with every tackle, College: Sidney Sussex His glare and rage see the refer- was mistaken for the ball, in On revision, you realise he is and swearing after every pass. Position: Centre-Back ee swap his decision for a free one gigantic hoof up field. dirty. Not since John Fashanu Sendings Off: 0 Dirty Player Credentials: kick outside the box. The oppo- Near decapitation was the has their been a better expo- Most Despicable Incident: Addison has the pre-game rit- nents are consternate. Anton result. nent of the flying elbow, and For despicable, read mental, ual of sharpening his studs Ben, or Ban, Auty? quickly attends to them too. Blues back on track Varsity Victory Devesh Shete continued from back page movement up front combined ing that the win was secure. and not losing a single set in dark blue counterparts in with good runs forward from The HAC continued to dis- AS IN 2004, the 2005 Table the entire match. Another straight sets. Andy Sims was ...was controlled by the midfield. The strikeforce of appoint, despite this slackening Tennis Varsity match was a new face, Doral Wang, who as cool as always, defending Cambridge, despite the HAC’s Mike Adams and Richard by Cambridge, and failed to complete success for has been an inspiration to the with great agility to beat his 3-5-2 formation giving them an Payne were working well in control any meaningful posses- Cambridge. The first team team over the entire season, two attacking rivals. His extra man. attack, really keeping the HAC sion in opposition territory for were led to victory by played at her usual excellent long-range defensive slicing of However, the HAC stood defence occupied and allowing the whole of the second half. Yucheng Zhang, who beat the best to beat her Oxford coun- the ball was very entertaining firm until half time, the Blues the midfield to further assert Consequently, Cambridge were Oxford no. 1 in straight sets. terparts in straight sets. to watch for the spectators, unable to score due to a combi- their dominance. After an able to see out the remainder of Zhang has been in outstand- Aparna Srinivasan and Arti especially as the two Oxford nation of a lack of intensity in hour, Payne gained the reward the encounter with relative ease, ing form this season, and Krishna also showed excellent opponents were very good their play and some very poor he deserved for his efforts, scor- the home penalty box seeing looked to have no weakness, as composure to win their respec- attacking players. Johannes finishing. ing with a first time finish into very little of the action. he found answers to both tive games easily. The great Wieland and Stephen The intensity was regained the bottom right corner of the More performances like this Oxford attacking aggression depth of the women’s team was Huisman provided excellent after the interval, though, and goal after an astute through ball and the Blues will be looking and defiant defence play. shown as Shellyanne Wilson, support, ensuring a 9-1 victo- an increased determination to from Stevie Smith had split the good for the 121st Varsity Zhang himself emphasised playing at number 4, hit some ry for Cambridge. push forward and dominate the HAC defence. match on the 12th of March. the contribution of promising very powerful winners to dis- Overall, it was an excellent HAC was rewarded by a second In the 75th minute, Smith Defensively strong and scoring fresher Devesh Shete at no. 4. pose off her opponents, the day of sport, and the spectators goal. Following a period of sus- managed to get himself on the goals freely, the Blues are in who also beat his opponents to Oxford numbers 3 and 4. were truly entertained to some tained Blues pressure, Stephen score sheet. He made a fool of good form and will be eagerly claim two points for the light Earlier, the men’s second top class table tennis and the Bailey scored with a long-range the HAC defence with an inci- anticipating the chance to blues. The experienced Fred team had been the trend setter sight of Cambridge thrashing effort, which looped over the sive run to the edge of the box, avenge last year’s disappointing Pauquay and Glyn Eggar were for the day, as they cruised to a Oxford for the second year helpless goalkeeper’s head and before rounding the keeper and defeat. Oxford however will too also in great touch and provided 9-1 victory over their oppo- running. The team were quick into the back of the net. finishing in style. This goal be prepared, and Cambridge excellent support, ensuring that nents, setting the tone for the to applaud David Atkinson’s This second goal placed really killed off the game as a can expect much tougher oppo- Cambridge eventually won 7-3. women and the men’s first coaching, and also offered Cambridge well in command, contest, and although the Blues nents than the HAC were able The women’s first team teams to dominate. Captain their thanks to Anthony Fox and the urge to add to the lead continued to press forward, to offer. completely dominated their Stephen Jones led from the and the committee for helping was plain to see, with excellent they lacked conviction, know- counterparts, winning 10-0 front as he triumphed over his to organize the event. SPORT www.varsity.co.uk February 25, 2005 27

Sport In Cocky Blues shuttle past Oxford Brief as far as to say, the match of Jenny Nanalal the season, was the truly epic FENCING

w Sims battle between Cambridge’s The Men's Blues defeated a e THE ARRAY OF pre-Varsity Lars Boyde and former strong Imperial College team ndr

measures taken by the A England number 4 seed Tony 125-115 on Wednesday. Cambridge badminton squad Gibson. Boyde appeared Imperial, who were captained that ranged from individual undeterred by his opponent’s by the current British No.2, drinking bans to intense fit- international credentials and won the sabre but the Blues ness sessions accompanied by after losing the first set 13-15 fought back to win the epee and banghra music clearly paid off fought agonisingly hard to win foil. The defending champions, on Saturday as both the mens the second 17-14. The decisive Cambridge, will now face and women’s 1st and 2nd third set was eventually taken Manchester in the quarterfinals teams stormed to a decisive by Boyde in a stirring per- at Fenners next week and will victory. formance that will remain in be hoping to extend this sea- The 2nd teams set the tone the memories of all who were son's unbeaten record. for the day with the women, fortunate enough to witness it. captained by Jenny Nanalal, This may sound like unwar- FOOTBALL playing some riveting matches ranted hyperbole, but I assure In Cuppers, Trinity beat to the delight of a vociferous you it is not. The sheer excite- Pembroke 3-0 to advance to the crowd. The comfortable win- ment of this match is difficult semi finals in the bottom half of ning margin of 13-2 does not to convey, but it is clear that the draw, where they will face do justice to the determined the combination of speed, the winners of Christs’ and singles performance of Lei agility and breathtaking rac- Homerton. In the top half of Wang, the tantalisingly drawn quet skills drew in a crowd the draw, Fitz will play the win- out doubles, courtesy of Jenny The Men’s Blues doubles pair win comfortably; all four Cambridge teams came away victorious that the sport of badminton is ners of Emma vs Jesus. Nanalal and Helen Wear and unfortunately unused to. the assured performances of ing to the ground or sliding that afternoon. The women captain Rob Pace gave solid This sizeable, cheering mass RUGBY FIVES newcomers Amanda Sears and across court. This dedication showed true dominance from singles performances and new- was kept mesmerised for near- For only the second time in Fiona Lymburn. was carried through into the the start and were barely chal- comer Sam Lees, who broke ly an hour and a half by the twelve years, Cambridge The men’s second team doubles matches and eventual- lenged as they charged yet another racquet on only his virtuosity displayed by the two defeated Oxford in the started off their campaign on a ly paid off as the men wore through game after game. third point, played confidently men. However, please spare a Varsity match by one of the much more even scoreline down their opposition and The 15-0 scoreline aptly to put the light blues in a com- thought for the unlucky souls smallest margins ever record- with the teams level at 3-3 cruised to an 11-4 victory. The sums up their destruction of manding early position. who were forced to compete ed. Entering the doubles with after the singles games. The 2nd team did their captain the dark blue side and captain Later exciting doubles on adjoining courts; they a ten point deficit, the team growing crowds lining the James ‘Shamu’ Shearman Gemma Edgar should be games, which saw Cambridge’s began to take suspiciously long clawed back into the game Leys school balcony were proud and he was able to show pleased by such an over- 3rd pair Mandeep Baveja between points in order to and scraped through. treated to a passionate display them his gratitude later in pint whelming display of sporting Singh and Jan Moellers out- catch a glimpse of the specta- of singles by both Owen sized measures at the post- superiority. class the Oxford 1st pair, con- cle. It was outstanding – and CUR1350 Ingram and Chin Lik Tan, Varsity dinner. The men’s 1st team provid- solidated this lead. the same could be said of the The Sport Show is returning to whose attempts to return even Thus, it was to a backdrop ed a thrilling end to a highly However, the match of the overall Cambridge perform- cur1350 today at 4pm. See the most impossible shots of victory that the first teams successful day. Veteran players tournament, and fellow bad- ance in the 2005 badminton www.cur1350.co.uk for more occasionally left them crash- began their Varsity campaigns such as John Booth and ex- minton aficionados might go Varsity games. details. It’s not to be missed. Men’s College Rugby League Division 1 Hockey sides get ready Place Team Pl W D L F A PD Pts Rachel Wheeler and are willing to fight for everything. intake with 4/5 freshers likely to be 1 Downing 10 8 0 2 200 115 85 34 Most players have never been on a Varsity involved on the day should give an excel- THE 105th VARSITY Hockey Matches losing side and this is a record they will be lent balance of experience and new talent. 2 St. John’s 9 8 0 1 380 56 71 33 between Cambridge and Oxford determined to maintain. However, in If the team plays the way they have done Universities will return to Southgate matches against Oxford, they have suf- in the brighter parts of this season, a vic- 3 Jesus 10 6 0 4 187 120 67 28 Hockey Club on the 1st of March. For fered defeat twice this season and this tory is easily within their sights. each player, with long winter months of suggests that they may struggle to main- Half a season of National League 4 Girton 9 4 0 5 113 157 -44 20 training and preparation behind them, it tain their hold on the trophy. It should be hockey has helped improve everything in is the result which will determine the suc- an intriguing contest. the Blues’ game and it is important to 5 St. Catharine’s 9 2 0 7 85 222 -137 15 cess of their entire season. A new-look Cambridge University note Oxford’s lack of experience at this Last year the honours were shared, with Men’s side will be on the look out for level.The team has been forced to adopt a 6 Trinity Hall 9 0 0 9 58 353 -295 9 Oxford men and the Cambridge women revenge after last year’s 3-2 loss in the more professional attitude towards fitness www.crazyaboutsport.com taking home the silverware. But a year is a Varsity Match. Those that witnessed last and training to prepare for the National long time and the form book and statistics year’s enounter will doubtless remember League and this may well pay dividends Results: St. John’s 83 - 14 Trinity Hall; Downing 24 - 14 St Catharine’s are rarely good indicators for these crunch the chances that went begging and the come Varsity Day. Although, results have battles and can be thrown aside. In this lucky deflections that helped Oxford get not been as good as last year, the Blues’ one off match with such a long tradition it their first-half lead. This year, with much hockey has undoubtedly been of a higher Men’s College Football League is the team with the most pride and deter- of the squad in their last year at standard, competing with every other side mination that takes the trophy. Cambridge, it will be their last Varsity in National Division 2. This is all the Cambridge Women’s Blues have had a Match which should add an extra incen- more impressive when considering that Division 1 mixed season following the departure of tive to beat Oxford. the side is the only true university side, Place Team Pl W D L F A GD Pts many key players at the end of last year. Although the side has lost a few players consisting entirely of current students in Despite much of the first half of the sea- from last season, a very good fresher the National League. 1 Fitzwilliam 6 6 0 0 25 5 20 18 son spent rebuilding a competitive team, there were outstanding early victories over

2 Trinity 6 5 0 1 14 9 5 15 Exeter University and UWIC in the CUHC BUSA league. Claire Frith, a 5th year y of

3 Jesus 7 4 2 1 16 8 8 14 medical student and Charlie Kendall, es t have proven an exceptional combination 4 St. John’s 7 3 1 3 12 9 3 10 in defence, with the acrobatic assistance of cour goalie Charmaine Chua. Securing a mid- 5 Churchill 6 3 1 2 8 10 -2 10 table position in the East Premier League, the Blues have conceded less goals than 6 Darwin 7 2 3 2 12 9 3 9 every other team, bar league leaders Maidstone. Lethal short corner stikes 7 Caius 8 2 2 4 9 17 -8 8 from Helen Wheeler have saved the Blues on many occasions. 8 St. Catharine’s 7 2 1 4 7 13 -6 7 Under the guidance of coach Dave Richardson the Blues are still improving 9 Girton 8 2 0 6 12 23 -11 6 with every match. An increase in the training schedule has produced an 10 Downing 8 1 0 7 12 24 -12 3 extremely well drilled and composed team. Fit and energetic, they appear to Results: Girton 6 - 2 Downing; Jesus 2 - 2 Darwin; St. John’s 0 - 2 Caius have developed a never say die attitude The Blues hope to follow the Wanderers, celebrating their Varsity win (above) February 25, 2005 SPORT Cambridge win Varsity badminton matches Oxford prove no match for the home side who win all four contests - page 27

Determined Light blues see off Oxford 13-3 in Varsity waterpolo victory Blues gun down HAC

Uni football From the quarter-hour mark, CAMBRIDGE 4 the Blues stepped up a gear and stayed in control for the remain- HAC 0 der of the match. Mark Oldham Twenty minutes in, Cambridge took the lead through leading goalscorer Mike Adams. After a THE BLUES returned to win- rushed clearance by the HAC, the ning ways after their BUSA dis- ball was played back in to the appointments with a fine 4-0 vic- danger area where Adams con- tory over the Honourable trolled the ball, spun around and Artillery Company as preparation lobbed the keeper with an exqui- for the upcoming Varsity match site chip from 20 yards, his 14th at Upton Park. For the opening goal of the season. period of the match, the Blues The Blues continued to create were on the back foot, with the chances following the goal, with HAC starting quickly and mak- good play from Alex Mugan ing their physical presence felt. and Johnny Hughes down the However, the quality of the foot- wings. Indeed, the midfield... Cambridge put Oxford to the sword in this year’s waterpolo Varsity match, running out comfortable 13-3 winners. Given the close- ball was scrappy and neither side ness of recent encounters with the old enemy, the result highlighed the great strides the side have made over the course of this sea- completely settled on the ball. continued page 26 son. President of CUSWPC Richard Folsom said, “I’m delighted to have smashed Oxford at least once before I graduate.”