The OpinionVolume 21 No.6 April 2008
Ourgraduate bitterest
The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 is Life
Girl’s Local Teenage Girl Teenage Agree: It’s Probably Worth it After All Cite “Irreconcilable Differences” Experts Profs Say the Darndest Things Christ, Church, to Divorce: Opinion and Perspective and Just Lawsuit Watch: When You’ve All I Really Need to Know I Learned Interview The Opinion - Franken The Opinion Endorses… Nobody SBA Candidate Statements The Things No One Else Will Tell An Appearance of Impropriety: “Totally Over”: Gets Stood Up For Prom 15 16 Context Corner 5 in Kindergarten Law School 6 HUMOR FEATURES: 12 Gotta Know Who’s Saying “Fuck You” to Who With a Lawsuit 13 14 No. 6 Vol. 21, April 2008 NEWS FEATURES: 2 3 You: 4 The Opinion The : THE OPINION THE necessarily reflect the opinions of staff, contributors, editors, or the William Mitchell College of Law. PLEASE NOTE: The views expressed in articles and essays do not PRINTED BY: OfficeMax Impress Mike Vogel Mike Hogan Kate Johansen Shmuck MacCallister Jeremy Byellin Allison Crandall Stephanie Gruenhagen ISSUE: CONTRIBUTORS IN THIS Advisor: Gregg Aamot Design Director: Nou Vang Co-Editor: Irina Abramovich Co-Editor: Allison Crandall EDITORIAL BOARD: www.wmitchell.edu/studentlife/organizations/opinion.asp [email protected] Ave 875 Summit 55105 St. Paul, MN The Opinion The College of Law William Mitchell CONTACT 2 The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 with theability tobeatNormColeman. while combating globalwarming,and anendtothewarinIraq. However,Ibelieve my dadhasthecampaign Jack wantalotofthesame thingsforthiscountry:universalhealthcare, a greeneconomythatcreatesjobs Why wouldAlFranken beabettersenatorthanJackNelson-Pallmeyer orNormColeman: dadatvariousevents;teachesparttimeanareacookingschool The Questions Campaign role: Current occupation: Residence: Favorite lawschool: Favorite placetohangoutintheCities: Favorite food: Hobbies: GrandeDiplome:inCulinaryArtsfromtheFrenchInstitute Masters:MSinElementaryEducationfromMercyCollege College:HarvardwithABinSociology(cumlaude) Education: Age: (Sheisnamedafterherdad’sbestfriendandoldcomedypartnerTomDavisfromRichfield). Siblings: Name: The Basics after theevent.Here’swhatshehadtosay… Mitchell todiscussherroleonthecampaign.WehereatTheOpinionwereluckyenoughcatchupwith This pastMarch,ThomasinFranken,daughterofDFLU.S.SenatecandidateAlvisitedWilliam The Purpose 27 ThomasinFranken onebrothernamedJoe cooking,baking,reading InterviewwithThomasinFranken UptowninMinneapolis
By KateJohansen familyeducatortoteaching (it’sthebackgroundpictureonheriPhone) PBJs,chocolatecake,MahnominPorridgefromHell’sKitchen liaisontotheeducationcommunity,rangingfrom groupsinearlychildhoodtohealthcare servesasafulltimecampaignvolunteerdealing witheducationissues;representsher WMCL (naturally) Continued on page11... thecampaignoffice
“Mydadand The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 3
- - It is a comfort to me to know, however, while I stare out the window at the melting snow that the ultimate goal will be worth it. I’ve figured out what I want to be when I grow up. with a client directly for the first time, in the area of law I hope to practice. It is an exciting and dynamic experience so far. I have found, despite my solid medioc rity in law school, that it is pos sible that I may be a good lawyer. I really like the work, and it feels relevant to me in a way that class work sometimes doesn’t. facts that I have to continue on through school, and then pass the None of this negates the Bar. In fact, to some extent, it makes it harder because I want to be done that much more quickly. - - - - You Will Tell Else No One Things I have had the opportunity to work falling behind in reading seems less like a disaster and more like a per manent feature of my life. I am itchy for the year to end, and force myself to ignore the fact that there will be another year after this one. cause at least for me, the exhaustion of winter leads to a distraction with This shift is troublesome, be potentially disastrous effects. But this spring, I have found the silver lining. the Law School Friends- a.k.a life a rafts) and you end up with someone little burnt out (see my last column.) Spring comes, and that depression shifts into a restlessness that is re dis markable, impressive, and totally I tracting. When the season changes start to think about the summer when my life will again be my own or more my own. I want to go on long walks and grill out with my boyfriend, and -
By Allison Crandall Roger Ackermann runs a fast mile on one exceptionally warm winter day in Minnesota. day winter warm a fast mile on one exceptionally runs Ackermann Roger in the same building, notable amounts of work, and isola tion from friends (excepting of drudgery the lifestyle of a law student: 8-10 hours a day for everyone in a climate like ours. Add to the normal amount Winter is a hard time time in law school, as well. It marks shift from depression to restlessness. mocking, and the birdies have begun to sing. Spring is a special the sad remaining snow banks. The air is softer, the shining sun seems more welcoming than days have brought belligerent Minnesotans running in shorts and wearing open toed shoes in soon enough, and it is starting to show. The couple of really nice snows of late, spring will be here Despite the pseudo-
It’s Probably Worth it After All 4 The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 perceptions ofthatpaper. vote inyourstate,butit changes Though thismightnotchange the to tellyouwhothey’dvote for. compulsion everyelection season endorsement. Papersfeelabizarre of thebadolddaysispolitical nately, oneofthelastremnants Thepresshasobviously Twenty-First century.Unfortu changed alotasitlimpsintothe its handson. every GOPcandidateitcouldget for Americans”andendorsed called itselfthe“AmericanPaper the RepublicanParty.Infact,it and-out propagandamachinefor Murdoch)— thepaperwasanout- early Twentiethcentury’sRupert Colonel RobertMcCormick(the bune—run underthecontrolof the heydayofChicagoTri ties invaryingdegrees.During FormuchofAmerican have beentiedtopoliticalpar history, newspapersandthepress it’s timetostop. great electoraltides.That’swhy stands, evenifitdoesn’tshiftany It showstheworldwhereapaper always lookforwardtoreading. American traditionthatpeople it makesadifference.It’sanold tion ratesandlittleevidencethat sations ofbias,dwindlingcircula Newspaperscontinueto election season,evenamidstaccu endorse politicalcandidatesevery ByMikeHogan TheOpinion An appearanceofimpropriety: - - - - - the process,goodreporting that editorials andendorsements. Butin tion ofbiascomesdirectly fromthe Peopleeverydayforgoone gether) becauseofbias. That percep paper overanother(orpapers alto “The PioneerPressendorsedNader.” independent.”? Usually,youjustsay, reporting side,ofcourse,remains endorsed candidateX,yetthenews ment ofsuch-and-suchnewspaperhas time yousaid,“Theeditorialdepart This distinctionaside,when’sthelast represent theentireorganization. writer’s namewhileendorsements editorials: editorialsareunderasingle endorsements areverydifferentfrom one affectstheother.Atanyrate, it’s hardtoshaketheappearancethat There’ssupposedtobea actual newssideofnewspapers.But strict wallbetweeneditorialsandthe sion andradio. dorse ortoothermediumsliketelevi granted eventopapersthatdon’ten coverage isfreecoverage;access that reporting.Andasforaccess,free reader’s preconceivedviewsbasedon like blogs,onlyservetovalidatea ing sideofthepaper.Editorials,much conveyed throughtheactualreport Voters basetheirviewsonnews to bereallygenerous,“notreally.” endorsement? Theansweris“no,”or ity accessascandidatesviefortheir Washington Postgrantedmorequal Star Tribune’seditorialstaff?Isthe Are votersswayedbasedonthe endorses…nobody ------still ahighbarthatshouldremain press nevergetsnearit.Butit’s up to.Ofcourse,sometimesthe is anidealforjournaliststolive Despiteallthedroning or tooconservative,neutrality about thepressbeingtooliberal much totolerate. the appearanceofbiasistoo paper doesisdismissedtoo.Even pers shouldtrytoreach. a standardthatthebestnewspa journalism mightbe,atleast it’s however unattainableobjective everyone shouldbeshownthat to confirmtheirviews.Instead, the mediadoes,there’snoreason probably grumblenomatterwhat slanted. Whilethecriticswill dismissing themasinherently even theStarTribuneenmasse, Journal, NewYorkTimesand newspapers liketheWallStreet Politicalendorsements ammunition tocontinueignoring give conservativesandliberals of gettingyourdailynews. thorough andsubstantivemeans papers arestilloneofthemost are modelsofobjectivity.News Journal andNewYorkTimes news thesedays,theWallStreet lytical pre-schoolthatiscable there, butcomparedtotheana cally slantednewspapersstillout high. Therecertainlyarepoliti
- - - - The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 5 go - - - - to want
you if
ask friends ten poster is filled with wonder ful thoughts and nice ideas, we have all learned that you need a little more than milk and cook ies to get through law school and life. What else do you need? Well… it depends. judgment. When all else fails, the answer is… it depends. This may have been the most frustrating answer a professor gave you during your first year, but you will learn that you can answer almost anything with “it depends.” It can buy you time to think about how you want to answer almost any question. It works just as well for when an esteemed colleague asks what you think about the recent trends in the state taxation of pass- through entities, as it does when your to law school prom. It depends. While the traditional kindergar Read and Prepare for Read and Prepare (almost) Everything. balance of what You will learn a what can be has to be read and of Lexis briefs put into notes care before class. You can’t prepare for everything; just do the best you can and learn how to think on your feet and have the con fidence in yourself to trust your - - - You - . School Law
anything.
almost
through get you do, not just work or school. member that if you can muddle your way blindly through first year, you can will never get sick when it is conve nient for you, your computer might crash during finals and people will have the nerve to get married, have babies or pass away, all while you are trying to get work done. It’s ok to let life interfere. Remember life is an all encompassing word; it’s everything do it. you like doing and remember to Whether it is working out, watching with football or maybe spending time the people you used to know (friends, if you family), find time to do it. Even seriously have to pencil in breakfast with your grandma. Life interferes. You have to accept it and learn how to deal with it. Be adaptable and re doesn’t care that you’re on footnote 84 of your long paper and you’re almost done. Eat. Sleeping will seem like a luxury; it is. Value it. When on you have huge highlighter spots your PJs and blankets because you keep falling asleep reading, that Prop doesn’t mean that Dukeminier’s you erty casebook is boring; it means that need some sleep. Find something Eat, Sleep, Exercise, and Relax Eat, Sleep, Exercise, like things you can’t They may seem trust me- you will. forget to do, but stops growl When your stomach feed it. It ing and starts screaming, Kindergarten - -
didn’t expect it (or maybe didn’t deserve it). get a better result, but know that sometimes the cards or verdict may fall in your favor when you grade reading a Gilbert’s cover to cover. It can be inferiorating to see people do a lot less work and and reviewed and you think you deserve a good grade, it’s pos sible to get the same (or better) every single page and did every single problem and studied Nothing in life or in court or in the classroom is fair. It doesn’t matter that you read I learned… These are the things it important to remind everyone that “All I really need to know I learned in Law School.” As my law school education draws to a close and I’m thinking about everything I learned, I find that the hard time we put into law school at least deserves a poster. grow up and it reminds us of the warm and wonderful days of childhood. I can’t help but think kindergarten. already learned in little things that They are the nice people seem to forget as they you that ev the poster telling to know you erything you need Everyone is familiar with
in I Learned Gruenhagen By Stephanie Know Need to Really All I 6 The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 success oftheirpredecessors andsetanewstandardforclassesthatfollow. together towardsthecommon goalofsuccessinlawschool,currentWilliam Mitchellstudentscaneclipsethe unique talentsandabilities thatwhenusedtogethercanhelpensurethesuccess ofallstudents.Byworking Landon andKellyfirmlybelievethatagroupisgreater thanthesumofitsparts,andthatallstudentshave time andefforttorealizehervisionofunity cooperation fortheWilliamMitchellstudentbody. Kelly Ruddy(1L),throughherpositionsasABA andMJFrepresentative,hasdevotedatremendousamountof view. Thisyearheservesasa2LSBARepresentative andOfficerofILSA. coordinated BlackacreandGreenacre,aswell thealwayspopularweeklysocialeventknownasBarRe on theSBAStudent-FacultyCommitteeandvolunteered throughMJFwithTubmanFamilyAlliance.Hehas Landon Ascheman(2L),hasamassedquitearesumé duringhistimeatWilliamMitchell.Asa1L,heworked The Candidates Landon Ascheman( 2008 SBACandidateStatements SBA Presidentialcandidate ) /KellyRuddy( Continued onpage7... V.P. - ) The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 7 - - - - - SBA Statements SBA , and I am asking for is dedicated which be created should committee SBA not only for student/lawyer to networking, specifically relationships. but also student/student relationships, expand will be to of this committee The function ac in existing networking and participation awareness this creating new opportunities. To tivities, as well as be student mentoring program should end, the existing and expanded. formally adopted that need attention in order to improve portant projects effectiveness of the SBA. Among the functioning and smaller but still im Finally, there are several per a dedicated open hour these projects: establishing organizations to plan events week for PLPs; allowing with less impact on class and increase attendance budget allocation schedules; reorganizing the SBA binders to process; introducing committee turnover awareness of assist future SBA members; improving and introduc SBA meetings to encourage attendance; ing an RSS feed for the Docket. - - - I am running for the position of At-Large Representative My name is Jessica Hulbert , running for ABA Representative: , running for ABA
of ABA news and events and will help the national ABA-Law Student Division. I will keep students informed your consideration. coordinate efforts between the ABA and the SBA. Thank you for and fund create and coordinate successful PLPs, networking opportunities, I have enjoyed the opportunity to level. been engaged with the ABA at William Mitchell and at the national raising and service activities. I have body through service on behalf of Mitchell students as I represent our student I look forward to continuing that the ABA- a 2L running for ABA Representative. As a 1L, I was elected My name is Britt Kringle and I am ABA-LSD 2. This year, it was my great pleasure to serve as Chair of the Law Student Division rep for Section the ABA creative and driven group of officers. Throughout my service with at Mitchell with a very talented, Britt Kringle a way for students tance of networking and provide skills. An to develop and hone their networking that student in plication, the SBA should help guide the right direction. The second goal is to emphasize the impor of has interest in a particular area need. If a student about the Bar Ap law, grade concerns, or questions the William Mitchell administra the same time make needs of students. tion aware of the they The first goal is to help people find what presence and purpose is known. made to ensure its to to be available to the student body The SBA needs at others with similar interests and help students find who need for people should be a resource The SBA Currently, few people know answers or contacts. and greater effort needs to be what the SBA does, Their Vision for the SBA Vision for Their Landon and Kelly continued from page 6... and Kelly continued Landon Janus. I bring experience and dedication to for students to contact and work with SBA officers and with Dean changes you wish to see. this election and I will put in the work necessary to bring about the William Mitchell can be met. Next year, which the interests and needs of the students, faculty, and staff of and give them the ability to bring I would like for the SBA to better serve the needs of student organizations In addition, I want to open up more avenues more events to campus through a reworking of the budget policy. and have taken on the responsibili your vote. This past year I have been a 2L-Full Time SBA Representative the SBA ought to be a mechanism through ties as SBA Secretary as part of the Executive Board. I believe that Hello everyone, and I am a 2L full time student. 8 The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 SBA Statements make asmoothtransitionintothenewacademic year. and workingsoftheSBA,Iwillbeabletostepin and one whoisalreadyveryfamiliarwiththeprocedures for theMNCoalitionBatteredWomen.Assome sador aswellforMJF,carryingoutlegalresearch I havevolunteeredforMitchellasaStudentAmbas SBA, Iaminvolvedwithmanystudentorganizations. Vice ChairoftheSocialCommittee.Inadditionto the FacultyRelationsCommitteeandhaveworkedas 1L SectionRepresentativeforthelastyear.Iamon a part-timefirst-yearstudentandIhaveservedas I’m JaymeMeyers local businesses. the successof programssuchasthereduced-fee buspasses,in additiontopursuinga studentdiscountcardfor Student Division toincreasetheefficiency andeffectiveness oftheSBA.Finally,we willcontinuetoexpand publishing aPresident’s/Vice President’sreport;and(6)developingastronger connectionwiththeABA-Law the studentorganizations; (4)revisingthebudgetpolicy,allowingforamore efficientallocationofmoney;(5) where studentscanvoice theirconcernsandsuggestions;(3)buildingstronger relationsbetweentheSBAand mous comment/feedback formontheSBAwebsite;(2)establishingmonthly roundtableswithDeanJanus sist andenhanceourlawschoolexperience.Some oftheseprogramswouldinclude:(1)settingupananony As SBAPresidentandVice Continued on page9... , , wewillstrivetosuccessfullyimplementprograms thatwillbothas - - continue toworktowardthatimprovement. always roomforimprovement;withyourvote,I will already happeningatWilliamMitchell,butthere is staff, andSBA.Thereareanumberofgreatthings lines ofcommunicationamongthestudents,faculty, face, fromallocationofstudentfundstoopening the experience totackletheissuesstudentsofallwalks ident andIlookforwardtoutilizingmytwoyearsof have worked within SBA in my capacity as Vice Pres Vice ChairoftheBudgetCommittee.Thisyear,I serving ontheFacultyRelationsCommitteeandas elected asasectionrepresentativemyfirstyear, experience ontheSBABoardofGovernors.Iwas a full-timesecond-yearstudentwithtwoyearsof I’m DanielleM.Kranz , - - - The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 9 - - - SBA Statements SBA
as 2L Full-Time Representative.
Please vote for Erich Hartmann. Thank you! said out loud, I am a serious advocate and - Finally, even though my name sounds like Eric Cartman when will continue to work diligently and vigorously for you. and advocacy skills through volunteering at tecture and engineering firm. I have further honed my listening HOME Line and Friends of the Boundary Waters Wilderness. and professional career. Profession - I have served in student advocacy positions throughout my educational and I also represented a 160-person archi ally, I represented a startup company in the national marketplace style focuses on actively listening to - I have solid oral and written communication skills. My communication others’ perspectives, not talking at people. and I look forward to working with - I have made a concerted effort to meet as many students as possible more of you one-on-one in the future. casting your advocating for others. Please consider the following when communication skills, and experience vote for 2L Full-Time Representative: ideas about More importantly, I want to hear your them, please contact me at [email protected]. how to improve WMCL. refined effective representative must have excellent interpersonal skills, Regardless of the tasks at hand, an about underway that we would like to complete. If you want to talk The SBA has several specific projects students, the SBA arranged to make discounted bus passes available to of the many improvements include: while and the SBA provided funding for growing student organizations WMCL hired an Academic Advisor, balancing a limited budget. faculty relationship with Dean Thompson and many of the WMCL mittee, I have also developed a working work on your behalf to make WMCL a better place to learn. members. I am always willing to Some significant contributions to the quality of student life at WMCL. This year, the SBA has made some as the I understand the needs and functions of the SBA—as well As an experienced SBA Representative, Com we serve. As a member of the Faculty Committee and Bookstore students and on-campus organizations Erich Hartmann your vote for I would greatly appreciate work for the improvement and drive, we will continue to experience, commitment, Through our substantial don’t hesitate to contact If you have any questions, please and the benefit of all students. of William Mitchell April 2 through April 4. your vote during the elections Jayme. We respectfully ask for either Danielle or William Mitch we will further and outreach, education, promotion of conversation, Through ship positions. towards social justice and diversity. ell’s commitment committee to make faculty hiring will work with the goals. We pursue these and we will actively excellence, in student leader increase diversity as well as and staff members hire diverse faculty efforts to more concerted Danielle and Jayme continued from page 8... from continued Jayme and Danielle of promoting legal continuing goal Mitchell and its of William justice and diversity in the social We believe 10 The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 SBA Statements because theSBAissupposedtoserveasaconduit place fortheseopportunitiestobeinstitutionalized, vious studentsaccessed.TheSBAistheappropriate students caneffectivelyaccesstheopportunitiespre do/will dooncampus,andtomakesurethateachyear IenjoyworkingatMitchelltoprovidestu running becauseIwanttoinstitutionalizethework dents withusefulexperiencesandopportunities.Iam SBA President and Iamrunningfor My nameisElisePeterson work toimproveit,and4) updatethestudentbody William Mitchell,2)figure outhowtoimproveit,3) to 1)gatherinformation on whatcanbeimprovedat proved. WadeAbed,my VP,andIwillbeworking Iamdedicatedtoimprovingourcampus. Mitchell isdoingwell,and alsowhatcanbeim This meansgatheringinformationonwhatWilliam opportunities Ihavebeenabletoaccess. EliseForSBAPresident.blogspot.com foralistof some portunities availabletothem.Seemyblogatwww. to beableeasilyunderstandandaccesstheop legal educationandcareer,Iwouldlikeallstudents ties throughoutlawschool,whichhaveenhanced my have beenabletoaccesssomewonderfulopportuni in myopiniontooffcampusopportunitiesaswell.I connecting studentstotheofficesoncampus,and . - -
- - - Iijima, SallyZusman,JaneEvans,BridgetKenadjian, and IwillbeworkingwithProfessorSonsteng,Dean naissance. TodeveloptheExcellenceInitiativeWade tion withhisrecentlylaunchedLegalEducationRe OurmostimportantworkisTheExcellence worked withustoformthisnewinitiativeinconjunc Initiative forWilliamMitchell.ProfessorSonstenghas forward totalkingwithyou. thoughts, ideas,suggestions,orquestions.Welook You canvisitourtableore-maileitherofuswithany doing oncampus,andhowwewillbe,orare,it. at ourbinderoftheworkwearecurrentlyorwillbe are tabling(thisspringandnextyear)totakealook for implementingourimprovements,stopbywhenwe legal community.Wehaveseveralparallelstrategies tantly aboutopportunitiesbothoncampusandinthe dents abouttheworkwearedoing,andmoreimpor Monday nextyearinordertobringinformationstu through-out theseprocesses.Wewillbetablingevery can facilitatethoseconnections forourstudents. education, compassionand personalities.Ibelieve plenty ofpeopleoutthere forustohelpwithourlegal have somethingtooffer our communityandthereare Iamrunningforofficetohelpimprovethele dents regardlessofacademics orexperience.Weall gal educationandnumberofopportunitiesforall stu I amrunningforSBAVicePresident. My nameisWadeH.Abed II edu withanyquestions. and opportunities.E-mailElise.Peterson@wmitchell. for usisavoteaction,connection,accountability, processes. Weknowhowtogetthingsdone!Avote we welcomeideasandpartnershipsthrough-outthe Wewillworkonanyissuethatstudentsbring of theworkwedo.Wewillwithanyone,and to us,andwillreportbackthestudentbodyonall staff, andadministrationontheseinitiatives. ence. Weareexcitedtoworkwithstudents,faculty, career excellencethrough-outthelawschoolexperi ing academicexcellence,legalwritingand dents-. TheExcellenceInitiativefocusesondevelop from DeansJanusandThompsonofcourse-stu fessor Byrn,andvariousotherProfessors,withinput Dell Jacobs,ProfessorDube,ProfesorJuergens,Pro - - - - - , - - - -
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healthcare,
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side right the What should people know about Al Franken? What should people watch Meet the Press with him.” (While Thomasin says she didn’t like it then, she now loves Meet the Press.) If Norm Coleman had been your father, would he have let you get a pony? “I don’t know. My dad didn’t let me get a pony though.” using their How do you feel about politicians families to campaign? that’s awe “If the family wants to be involved, full time on the some. My mom and I volunteer campaign.” from the cam What are your favorite stories paign so far? at campaign “There are a lot. Being with kids event in Freeport events is fun. Also, there was one meeting, and with my mom. We went for a coffee conservative area, eight people showed up. It was a but everybody was really nice.” What’s your favorite childhood memory? “There are a lot. When we were little, our dad was working in Saturday Night Live, so he had Sundays off but worked late on Saturday. So, at 11am on Sunday, our mom would send us in to wake him up with coffee and a newspaper, and we would have to Franken Interview continued from page 2... from page continued Interview Franken insider, a Washington not certainly while he’s And make in Congress to have relationships he does more effectively. get things done change and he’s to Norm Coleman, in comparison Furthermore, on out to special interests.” and he will not sell hard working, intelligent, and sin “He’s dynamic, cere.” education issues during the What will the major campaign be? Child Left Behind, early child “They will be No education.” hood education, and affordable higher writer and Which is cooler: being a comedy performer or being a U.S. Senator? “Being a U.S Senator.”
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you! wmitchell.edu and (612) 384-2068 (mobile). Thank Elise and I at our table to discuss your ideas and sug gestions. My contact information is wade.abed@ Please do not hesitate to contact me or visit “VOTE FOR ACTION!” environment. Please join Elise and I in our pursuit of excellence for the William Mitchell student body and with a leadership position and how to work in a team knowledge to understand the commitment that comes and my career. My past experience gives me the I have held leadership positions in college at all times. ideas with the entire student body meetings and be accessible to discuss our activities, throughout the year. an idea of what the SBA is doing door policy. We will Elise and I will have a true open the students have student body. It is imperative that with the and I share is one of open communication that Elise Additionally, I believe the mentality career. writing and your ward excellence in academics, legal The Excellence William Mitchell locally and abroad. on working to Initiative for William Mitchell focuses the reputation of vitalize the student body and bolster that will re Elise Peterson, that we have an initiative I fervently believe, along with my President, 12 The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 liam MitchellCollegeof Lawissuingforinjuries OVER THIRDRESTATEMENT OFTORTS DEFENDANTS INPRODUCTS LIABILITYSUIT rious Injurythisfall. MTV willbepremieringitsnewshowGlorious, Glo and respectforrulesamongstitsteenageaudience.” ing butthestrictestpatternofpromotingresponsibility with theshowTryThisAtHome.MTVhashad noth encourages teenagerstocommitthesesenselessacts noon, Viacom’sattorneysstated,“MTVinnoway my kidstupid?”Inapressreleaseyesterdayafter in thelawsuit,Johnson’smothersaid,“Areyoucalling on agurney.WhenaskedifshewouldjoinPOSTAL convince adoctortoracedownsteepflightofstairs “Dude! Thatwaswickedwild!”Hethenattemptedto this verystuntwithoutahelmet.Johnsoncommented, Johnson wasrecentlyhospitalizedafterattempting ber kids,helmetsareun-American.”TeenagerBarry the personalooksatcameraandsays,“Remem Interstate 39Northbound.Aftercompletingthestunt, bicycle downthecenterlinewrongway 2008 episodewheretheleadpersonaridesaSchwinn The complaintspecificallymentionsaJanuary16, tion ParentsofStupidTeenagersAlliance(POSTAL). MTV program.Thesuitwasfiledbytheorganiza by teenagersattemptingstuntsshownonthenew com, MTV’sparentcompany,overinjuriessustained was filedwiththe6thCircuityesterdayagainstVia OF TRYTHISATHOME SAYING WHEN YOU’VEJUSTGOTTAKNOWWHO’S LAWSUIT WATCH: This section of the paper bears no resemblance to reality. In a way, this paper is to reality what law school is to legal practice. legal to is school law what reality to is way, reality.a paper to In this resemblance no bears paper the of section This AMERICAN LAWINSTITUTE NAMEDAS PARENTS SUEMTVOVERNEWSEASON
“FUCK YOU” “FUCK YOU” The Opinion –Aclassactionlawsuit TOWHOWITHALAWSUIT –Wil ------: The HumorSection - from thepagesandslapsreaderacrossface. to the“ProductsLiability”section,ahandemerges The lawschoolallegesthatwhenstudentsopenup sustained whilereadingtheRestatement3dofTorts. COURT- Likepornforlawyers. This articleissponsored byTHEPEOPLE’S name MickeyMousewithoutpermission. a plaintiff,isseekingthedeathpenaltyforusing the names takenatrandomfromaphonebook.Disney, the namesincludejanitor,postman,andseveral only containsfourattorneys.Makingupforthe rest of were namedasdefendants.Allegedly,thelawfirm tler MagazineandMickeyMouse.,Attorneysat Law ick PennoyerNeffTexasJohnsonHellerKeeton Hus Marbury MadisonGideonWainwrightMorseFreder Johnson AronsonGoldbergJamesonMathisO’Connel firm ofSmithJonesFosterJacobsonVogelMarion for usingseveralnameswithoutpermission.Thelaw apolis againstoneofitsintellectualpropertyfirms BIG NAME damages. tual damages,andfifty-fivemilliondollarsinpunitive William Mitchellissuingforsixmilliondollarsinac were successful,andthat’swhat’smostimportant.” plained, “Wewereseekingtobeironic.Ithinkwe A spokespersonfortheAmericanLawInstituteex BIG NAMELAWFIRMSUEDFOROVER –AlawsuitwasfiledtodayinMinne By ShmuckMaccallister - .
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- - the actually divorce, than The Humor SectionHumor The the friends after life Byellin By Jeremy its making
about about asked more cares the start. I was never happy with it.” Church expressed relief: “He was really smothering us. How could we be expected to keep up in today’s When world with his constant nagging about selflessness and pacifism? We’re really looking forward to the freedom we’ll enjoy.” first, it seemed decline,” Christ reminisced. “At our relationship, but great that we didn’t have to hide Now the after awhile it seemed a lot less meaningful. Church trying to make this relationship work.” only when regarding divorce: that it is acceptable revealed adultery is involved. Christ embarrassingly own words One reporter pointed out Christ’s with the Church’s on again off again relationship capitalism. when that interest something a few hundred years ago doesn’t even try to thing came out. Now, the Church “It really cuts me deeply. I first suspected hide its flirtations with capitalism. does that say about the Church that it could even be interested in someone like that? Who does it think “Capitalism and I are nothing alike. What I was talking about with that whole ‘Two Masters’ thing?” the divorce, but He’s “certainly done with religion.” Christ was unsure about what He will do after “The Church kind of pushed that on me from said, “Can you really blame The Church, responding, first few hundred years, it was us? I mean, for the go on His little rants about ‘lov cute how He would ‘giv and neighbors as yourself’ and ing your enemies of to the poor.’ It was one ing all of your possessions us to Him in the first place. the things that attracted It was a real buzz- one wants to hear things like that. after we kill that quashed our numbers, especially “But that gets to be a drag after awhile. No Edict of Milan].” made it big time [referring to 313’s “That year was really the beginning of the - - - -
Divorce: to Church, Christ, Differences” “Irreconcilable Cite
Pursuant to the divorce settlement agreement, Christ will get to keep his favorite Pursuant to the divorce settlement agreement, Christ of moral superiority. bong, while the Church will get to keep its false sense
and ‘eternal salvation,’ but somehow that’s all it hears.” you know, I talk about other things besides ‘forgiveness’ “Frankly, it’s embarrassing to both of us. And like they have some kind of bowel blockage. waving their hands in the air and clenching their faces that I need a mass of people singing me praises while All I get from the Church now are cheap compliments, and it only hears what it wants to. I’m not so insecure “We don’t really have conversations anymore. described a “communication breakdown.” talked of a gradual failure of the relationship. First, He When asked about what precipitated it, Christ best.” dened by the situation,” but ultimately thinks “it’s for the dox, Roman Catholic, and Protestant Churches, is “sad The Church, which includes the Eastern Ortho ing a nearly two millennia long relationship. with the Church, end ation, announced plans for divorce and Savior of all Cre Christ, the Son of God and Lord Earlier this morning at a press conference, Jesus By Shmuck Maccallister 14 The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 The Opinion event sheattends. As partofherpunishment, Marie’sdadwillshowupto everysocial EXPERTS AGREE: UP FORPROM,LOSESFUTURE LOCAL TEENAGE GIRL GETS STOOD IS TEENAGE GIRL’SLIFE By MikeVogel Marie Smith.Whilethegroupwasdispersing,aspokesper Yesterday,psychiatrists,lifecoaches,schoolcoun summit overthefutureof17yearoldhighschoolsenior selors, administratorsandteachersconcludedafive-day three yearsin prison. popular girl “a totalbitch.”Ifconvicted, Mariefacesupto which makesitacrimefor anyhighschoolstudenttocallthe Attorney’s Officeforviolations ofMinn.Stat.§625.FU, her.” Marieiscurrently under investigationfromtheStates months. Janieispopular, andMariewastotallywrongabout Marie, whohasbeensayingnastythingsaboutJanie for Whenaskedforcomment,JimPickensexplained, I triedtomaintaindignityandmoralvalueswhen lyingto “Janie pulledatotalpowerplayoneweekbefore theprom. “incurable unpopularstatus.” suspension, pendingtheoutcomeofaninvestigation intoher tarred andfeatheredMarie.Theschoolputheron indefinite diately followingtheannouncement,allprom attendees ens andCranewerenamedPromKingQueen. Imme accordance withMinnesotastatelaw.Laterthatnight,Pick in attendancetogiveunflatteringlooksdirectlyatMarie, sight, PrincipalBarryJamesonimmediatelydirectedallthose with fellow“PromCourt”memberJanieCrane.Uponthe alone. Uponarrivingtotheevent,shesawJimlockingarms rie, anominatedmemberofthe“PromCourt”decidedtogo that hisAuntdiedandhehadtogoawayforthefuneral.Ma Twoweeksago,Mariewasstoodupforhersenior Jim Pickens.Threedaysbeforetheevent,toldMarie prom. Shewassettogowiththeschoolsstarquarterback, hated recluse. The dealstipulatesthatMarieSmithisrequiredtobecomea Smith’s parentsonwhatshewastodofortherestofherlife. The maingoalofthesummitwastostrikeadealwithMarie son announced:“OhmyGod,Marieis,like,totallyruined.” “TOTALLY OVER” Continued on page16...
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- - The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 15 medical a The Humor SectionHumor The Is it sounds painful. It attribute? tax is a “Everyone close your laptops. (waits until students close laptops) Now do you guys all feel naked? That’s how I felt when I realized my zipper was down.” “You want to avoid a shark effect.” -Student “That reminds me of jump the shark, which reminds me of when the Brady Bunch went to Hawaii.” -Professor procedure?” majority. Now he’s “Justice Brennan used to be in the dead.” girls from being “You know, you’ve got to protect mustache, gold seduced by older men. Drawn-on pictured the Kenny chains. You know, I’ve always Rogers type. Too much cologne.” (referring to statutory rape) love. The law… is, “Administrative law is the rule of well, the rule of law.” “People think that they have the right to say anything that they want. Yeah, you do… until someone punches you in the face.” “They say that the unexamined life is not worth living. But then sea otters don’t examine their lives, and they have great fun!” experience.” from this life to suck the marrow “We need in a of a face sitting idea of a photograph “Just the out.” of freaks me somewhere kind dumpster perform abortions.” “I’m a doctor; I of context) (taken way out got first ring tone and it’s “Shorty “I downloaded my in a a very catchy tune. And I was low low low.” It’s off a very formal setting. And it went meeting; it was embarrassed.” and I was very giving me a billion “The government is constantly not nub. I’m running out dollars...my crayon is down to a of napkins!” “What - - - ef pub these class, a profes this in learning As undeniably, your publish from While sitting us also, school. are will when is of law it You of hilarious. many notes, day, Opinion there. parts the The of taking best been prevents something
rest all the of
says the service, ***Send us your profs’ quotes!*** gems of legal education. for one lic sor fectively We’ve innocently Say the Profs Things Darndest 16 The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 The Opinion fifty timeseveryday. quired towriteonapieceofpaper“nobodylovesme” public underthestrictestofcircumstances,andisre She isonlyallowedtoseethesunorshowherfacein Thedealstruckatthispastsummitstrictly spised hermit”andremaininherparent’sbasement. states thatMarieistomaintainherstatusasa“de a car. hugs, andMariewasforcedtorunherkittenoverwith friends havealsoabandonedher,herfamilywithholds accepted intoHarvardthisyearwas1.2.Marie’s the studentispopular.”TheaverageGPAforstudents or thestudent’soverallabilitytothink.Itiswhether tion foradmissionsisnotbasedongrades,character, University. Ourlongstandingandprestigiousreputa social outcast,andwejustcan’thavethatatHarvard explained, “Wehadnochoice.Shebecomea rescinded heradmission.AspokespersonforHarvard After hearingabouttheprom,HarvardUniversityhas little kitten,andwasadmittedintoHarvardUniversity. at leastadozenclosefriends,lovingfamily,cute importantly, “popular.”ShereceivedstraightAs,had administrators andteacherstobe“intelligent,”most Up untilthisincident,Mariewasconsideredbyschool Experts continuedfrompage14... - - - SBA 2008 -2009 Remember tovoteforthe April 2-4onTWEN
candidates The Opinion April 2008 Volume 21 No.6 17 is to by during failing for The Humor SectionHumor The opinion MacCallister investigation under prosecutors polarizing a Moderate: Maybe so. ______Yourmotherisugly currently federal have an election year. columnist a also PERSPECTIVE is
MacCallister AND ______Putz for the Daily Polarizer. Liberal: No.
A MUNICIPALITY’S U.S. SUPREME COURT BAR SHOULD THE Polarizer. FROM OWNING A HANDGUN RIGHT TO BAN AN INDIVIDUAL WITHIN ITS CITY LIMITS? Shmuck MacCallister: Conservative MacCallister: Shmuck Liberal MacCallister: Putz Moderate MacCallister: Yourmotherisugly Daily for the
columnist ______Shmuck MacCallister is a Yes. Conservative:
TODAY’S QUESTION: AND CONTEXT CORNER CONTEXT AND OPINION With: The Opinion
William Mitchell College of Law [email protected]