A New Approach to Love in Couple's Relationships Based on The

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A New Approach to Love in Couple's Relationships Based on The Journal of Family 437 Research Archive Vol.15(4):437-466; of SID 2020 )*+, &' ( /$% !"# / 6*8 76$$ : 2345 ﻋﺸﻖ ﺑﻪ ﻣﺜﺎﺑﻪ ﺑﻠﻮغ ﻣﺮاﻗﺒﺘﻲ ﻧﻘﺪي ﺑﺮ ﻧﻈﺮﻳﻪ ﻫﺎ ي ﻋﺸﻖ اﺳﺘﺮﻧﺒﺮگ و اراﺋﻪ روﻳﻜﺮدي ﻧﻮﻳﻦ ﺑﻪ ﻋﺸﻖ در رواﺑﻂ زوﺟﻴﻦ Love as Caring Maturity: A New Approach to Love in Couple’s Relationships based on the Critique of Sternberg's Theory 10.29252/jfr.15.04.01 دﻛﺘﺮ ﻣﻬﺮﻧﻮش ﻫﺪاﻳﺘﻲ .M .Hedayati, Ph.D ﮔﺮوه روا نﺷﻨﺎﺳﻲ، ﭘﮋوﻫ ﺸ ﮕﺎه ﻋﻠﻮم اﻧﺴﺎﻧﻲ و Department of Psychology, Institute of Humanities and ﻣﻄﺎﻟﻌﺎت ﻓﺮﻫﻨﮕﻲ Cultural Studies, Tehran, Iran درﻳﺎﻓﺖ ﻣﻘﺎﻟﻪ:9/ 10/ 97 درﻳﺎﻓﺖ ﻧﺴﺨﻪ اﺻﻼح ﺷﺪه: 10/8/ 98 ﭘﺬﻳﺮش ﻣﻘﺎﻟﻪ : 11/15/ 98 ﭼﻜﻴﺪه Abstract ﻋﺸﻖ ﻳﻜﻲ از ﻧﻴﺎزﻫﺎي ﺣﻴﺎﺗﻲ ﺑﺸﺮ و از ﻣﻬ ﻢﺗﺮﻳﻦ اﻧﮕﻴﺰ هﻫﺎ ي Love" is one of the vital needs of" ﺗﺸﻜﻴﻞ و ﺗﺪاوم ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده اﺳﺖ؛ اﻣﺎ ﺑﻪ زﻋﻢ ﻣﺘﺨﺼﺼﺎن در humanity and one of the most important motivations for the family formation and ﻛﻨﺎر ﺳﺎﻳﺮ ﻋﻮاﻣﻞ، ﻓﻬﻢ ﻧﺎدرﺳﺖ از اﻳﻦ ﻣﻔﻬﻮم، ﻧﻬﺎد ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده its preservation. However, as mentioned را در ﻣﻌﺮض ﺗﻬﺪﻳﺪ ﻗﺮار داده اﺳﺖ . ﻫﺪف از ﭘﮋوﻫﺶ by the experts, among other factors, a ﺣﺎﺿﺮ، اراﺋﻪ ﻧﮕﺎﻫﻲ ﺗﺤﻠﻴﻠﻲ از ادراك راﻳﺞ ﺑﻪ ﻣﻔﻬﻮم ”misunderstanding of the concept of “love has put family at risk. The main goal of « ﻋﺸﻖ»، ﺧﺼﻮﺻﺎً ﺑﺎ ﺗﺎﻛﻴﺪ ﺑﺮ ﻧﻘﺪ ﻧﻈﺮﻳ ﻪﻫﺎي ﻋﺸﻖ -the present study is to provide an ana اﺳﺘﺮﻧﺒﺮگ ( 1986 و 1994 ) ﺑﻪ ﻋﻨﻮان روﻳﻜﺮد راﻳﺞ ﻧﺰد ”lytical overview of the concept of “love روا نﺷﻨﺎﺳﺎن و ﻣﺸﺎوران اﻳﺮاﻧﻲ اﺳ ﺖ . در ﻫﻤﻴﻦ راﺳﺘﺎ ﺑﺎ in couple relationships, particularly by emphasizing on a criticism Sternberg’s اﺳﺘﻌﺎﻧﺖ از روﻳﻜﺮدﻫﺎي ﻧﻮﻛﻼﺳﻴﻚ ذﻫﻦ، ﺗﻌﺮﻳﻒ ﺗﻔﻜﺮ (”theories (“love triangle" and "Love story ﻣﺮاﻗﺒﺘﻲ و ﻣﺆﻟﻔ ﻪﻫﺎي آن و ﻫ ﻢﭼﻨﻴﻦ ﺳﺎﺧﺘﺎر ﺷﺨﺼﻴﺖ در and present a new approach: “Love as Caring Maturity”. ﻧﻈﺮﻳﻪ ﺗﺤﻠﻴـ ﻞ رﻓﺘﺎر ﻣﺘﻘﺎﺑـ ﻞ، روﻳﻜﺮدي ﺑـﺪﻳـ ﻞ و ﺟﺎﻣﻊ از ﻧﻮﻳﺴﻨﺪه ﻣﺴﺌﻮ ل : ﺗﻬﺮان، اﺗﻮﺑﺎن ﻛﺮدﺳﺘﺎن، ﭘﮋوﻫﺸﮕﺎه ﻋﻠﻮم اﻧﺴﺎﻧﻲ -Corresponding author: Department of Psych ology, Faculty of Ethics and Education, Institute و ﻣﻄﺎﻟﻌﺎت ﻓﺮﻫﻨﮕﻲ، ﭘﮋوﻫﺸﻜﺪه اﺧﻼق و ﺗﺮﺑﻴﺖ، ﮔﺮوه روا نﺷﻨﺎﺳﻲ of Humanities and Cultural Studies, Tehran Iran. ﭘﺴﺖ اﻟﻜﺘﺮوﻧﻴﻜﻲ: Email: [email protected] mehrnooshhedayati @yahoo .com www.SID.ir 438 / /)*+, &' ( /$% !"# / / Archive of SID «ﻋﺸﻖ ﭘﺎﻳﺪا ر » اراﺋﻪ ﻣ ﻲﺷﻮد، ﺗﺤﺖ ﻋﻨﻮا ن «: ﻋﺸﻖ ﺑﻪ ﻣﺜﺎﺑﻪ The method of the present qualitative research is based on the herméneutique ﺑﻠﻮغ ﻣﺮاﻗﺒﺘ ﻲ» . ﺑﺮاي دﺳﺘﻴﺎﺑﻲ ﺑﻪ اﻳﻦ ﻫﺪف از روش and critical paradigm and the data deduced ﭘﮋوﻫﺶ ﺗﻮﺻﻴﻔﻲ، ﺗﺤﻠﻴﻞ ﻣﻔﻬﻮﻣﻲ و ﺗﺤ ﻠ ﻴﻞ اﺳﺘﻨﺒﺎﻃﻲ -from literature review which were inve ﺑﻬﺮه ﮔﺮﻓﺘ ﻪاﻳﻢ . در اﻳﻦ روﻳﻜﺮد ﺑﺮ ﻣﺒﻨﺎي ﻧﻈﺮﻳﻪ ﻋﻘﻼﻧﻴﺖ -stigated using the thematic analysis app roach. In this approach, based on neo- ﺳ ﻪﻇﺮﻓﻴﺘﻲ، « ﻋﺸﻖ » ﻣﻨﺒﻌﺚ از ﻫﺮ ﺳﻪ ﻇﺮﻓﻴﺖ ﺷﻨﺎﺧﺘﻲ، classical theories of rationality , "True ﻋﺎﻃﻔﻲ و ارادي ﻋﻘﻞ ﺑﺸﺮي اﺳﺖ و ﮔﺮﭼﻪ ﻣﺘﺄﺛﺮ از اﻟﮕﻮﻫﺎ و love" is the product of rationality with all ﻃﺮﺣﻮار هﻫﺎي ﻧﺎﻫﻮﺷﻴﺎر اﺳﺖ، اﻣﺎ ﭘﺪﻳﺪ هاي ﭼﻨﺪوﺟﻬﻲ و three cognitive, emotional, and intentional capacities, and although influenced by un- اﻧﺘﺨﺎﺑﻲ اﺳﺖ ﻛﻪ دراﺧﺘﻴﺎر ﺣﺎﻟﺖ «ﻣﻦِ ﺑﺎﻟ ﻎ » ﻗﺮار دار د . در conscious patterns and schemas, it is a اﻳﻦ ﻣﻘﺎﻟﻪ ﻣﻴﺎن ﻣﻔﺎﻫﻴﻢ « ﻋﺸﻖ» و «ﺷﺒ ﻪﻋﺸﻖ » ﺗﻤﺎﻳﺰ ﻗﺎﺋﻞ -multifaceted, selective phenomenon poss ﻣ ﻲﺷﻮﻳﻢ و ﺑﺎ ﭘﻴﺸﻨﻬﺎد روﻳﻜﺮد «ﻫﺮم ﻋﺸ ﻖ » ﻛﻪ داراي essed by “adult ego state”. In this paper, a distinction is made between the concepts رأس «ﺑﻠﻮغ ﻣﺮاﻗﺒﺘ ﻲ » در ﻛﻨﺎر «ﮔﺮاﻳﺶ ﺑﻪ ﺻﻤﻴﻤﻴ ﺖ» ، of “love” and “pseudo-love” and it is «ﭘﺎﻳ ﻪﻫﺎي زﻳﺴﺘ ﻲ» و «ﺗﺼﻤﻴﻢ ﺑﻪ ﺗﻌﻬ ﺪ » اﺳﺖ، در ﭘﻲ اراﺋﻪ -attempted to propose a more compr ﺗﺼﻮﻳﺮي ﻛﺎﻣ ﻞﺗﺮ از ﻣﻌﻨﺎي ﻋﺸﻖ ﺣﻘﻴﻘﻲ در رواﺑﻂ زوﺟﻴﻦ ehensive picture of the meaning of true love in the relationships of couples by ﻫ ﺴﺘﻴﻢ. ﻳﺎﻓﺘ ﻪﻫﺎي اﻳﻦ ﭘﮋوﻫﺶ ﻧﺸﺎن داد ﻋﻨﺼﺮ « ﺑﻠﻮغ » suggesting the “love pyramid” approach داراي ﭼﻬﺎر ﺳﻄﺢ آﮔﺎﻫﻲ، ﻋﻨﺼﺮ « ﻣﺮاﻗﺖ » داراي ﺳﻪ with a “caring maturity” vertex behind ﺳﺎﺣﺖ ﻛﻠﻲ و «ﺑﻠﻮغ ﻣﺮاﻗﺒﺘ ﻲ » داراي ﭘﻨﺞ ﺧﺮد هﻣﺆ ﻟﻔﻪ ,"tend to intimacy", "biological basics" and "decision to commitment". Research اﺳﺖ. "findings showed that the "Maturity element has four domains of consciou- ﻛﻠﻴﺪواژه ﻫﺎ : ﻋﺸﻖ، ﻧﻈﺮﻳﻪ ﻣﺜﻠﺚ ﻋﺸﻖ، ﺑﻠﻮغ ﻣﺮاﻗﺒﺘﻲ، sness; and "Caring" e lement has three areas; and "Caring maturity" has five ﻫﺮم ﻋﺸﻖ. .aspects Keywords: Love, Love triangle , Maturity, Caring Maturity. ﻣﻘﺪﻣﻪ ﺗﺸﻜﻴﻞ ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده در دﻧﻴﺎي ﭘﻴﭽﻴﺪه و ﺻﻨﻌﺘﻲ اﻣﺮوز ﺗﺼﻤﻴﻢ ﭼﻨﺪان ﺳﺎد ها ي ﻧﻴﺴﺖ . ﻋﻮاﻣﻞ ﺑﺎزدارﻧﺪه ﻣﺘﻌﺪدي در ﻣﺤﻴﻂ اﺟﺘﻤﺎع ﺳﺪ راه ﭘﺬﻳﺮش ﻣﺴﺌﻮﻟﻴﺖ زﻧﺪﮔﻲ ﻣﺘﺄﻫﻠﻲ اﺳﺖ . ﻋﻮاﻣﻠﻲ از ﻗﺒﻴﻞ ﻣﺸﻜﻼت اﻗﺘﺼﺎ دي، ﻣﻌﻀﻼت رواﺑﻂ ﻣﻴﺎ نﻓﺮدي، ﻣﺴﺌﻮﻟﻴ ﺖﭘﺬﻳﺮي، ﻣﺤﺪودﻳﺖ آزاد يﻫﺎي ﻓﺮدي، ﺗﻐﻴﻴﺮ ﻧﻈﺎم ﻟﺬ تﺟﻮﻳﻲ، ﻋﺪم ﺗﻤﺎﻳﺰﻳﺎﻓﺘﮕﻲ از ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده ﻣﺮﺟﻊ و ﻣﻮارد دﻳﮕﺮي از اﻳﻦ دﺳﺖ، ﺑﻪ ﺗﺮس ﺟﻮاﻧﺎن ﺑﺮاي ﺗﺸﻜﻴﻞ ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده داﻣﻦ ﻣ ﻲزﻧﺪ . ﺑﺪون ﺷﻚ ﻳﻚ ﻋﺎﻣﻞ دروﻧﻲ و ﺑﺴﻴﺎر ﻗﻮي ﺑﺎﻳﺪ اﻓﺮاد را ﻣﺠﺎب ﻛﻨﺪ ﻛﻪ ﻟﺬت ﺑﺎ ﻫﻢ زﻳﺴﺘﻦ را ﺑﻪ ﻣﺸﻜﻼت آن ﺗﺮﺟﻴﺢ دﻫﻨﺪ؛ اﻳﻦ ﻋﺎﻣﻞ دروﻧﻲ ﭼﻴﺰي ﻧﻴﺴﺖ ﺟﺰ « ﻋﺸﻖ » . ﻋﺸﻖ آن ﻧﻴﺎز اﺳﺎﺳﻲ و دروﻧﻲ اﺳﺖ ﻛﻪ ﺑﺎ وﺟﻮد ﺗﻤﺎم ﺗﻐﻴﻴﺮات و ﺗﺤﻮﻻت اﺟﺘﻤﺎﻋﻲ ﺑﺎز ﻫﻢ ﻣﻴﻞ ﺑﻪ ازدواج ـ ﺑﻪ ﻋﻨﻮان ﻗﺮارداد ﭘﺎﻳﺪار ﺑﺎ ﻫﻢ زﻳﺴﺘﻦ ـ را در اﻓﺮاد زﻧﺪه ﻧﮕﻪ ﻣ ﻲ دارد ؛ ﭼﺮاﻛﻪ ﻣﻴﻞ ﺑﻪ ﺗﻌﻠﻖ ﺧﺎﻃﺮ ﻳﺎ ﻣﺒﺎدﻟﻪ ﻋﺸﻖ ﻳﻜﻲ از ﭘﻨﺞ ﻧﻴﺎز اﺳﺎﺳﻲ ﺑﺸﺮ ( ﮔﻼﺳﺮ1، 1398 ) و ﻋﺎﻣﻞ ﺗﻤﺎﻳﺰ ﺑﺸﺮ از ﺳﺎﻳﺮ ﻣﺨﻠﻮﻗﺎت اﺳﺖ ( ﻓﻴﺸﺮ2 ، 2014 ). www.SID.ir ﻋﺸﻖ ﺑﻪ ﻣﺜﺎﺑﻪ ﺑﻠﻮغ ﻣﺮاﻗﺒﺘﻲ ﻧﻘﺪي ﺑﺮ ﻧﻈﺮﻳﻪﻫﺎي ﻋﺸﻖ اﺳﺘﺮﻧﺒﺮگ و .../ /439 Archive of SID ﺑﺮ ﺧﻼف ﻗﺪﻣﺖ ﻋﺸﻖ در رواﺑﻂ اﻧﺴﺎﻧﻲ، وﺟﻮب آن ﺑﺮاي ازدواج ﭘﺪﻳﺪ هاي ﻧﻮﻳﻦ اﺳ ﺖ. ﺗﺤﻘﻴﻘﺎت ﻧﺸﺎن ﻣ ﻲدﻫﺪ در ﻋﺼﺮ ﺣﺎﺿﺮ ﺑﻴﺸﺘﺮﻳﻦ دﻟﻴﻞ ازدواج و ﻃﻼق، وﺟﻮد ﻳﺎ ﻓ ﻘﺪان ﻋﺸﻖ اﺳﺖ (اﺳﭙﺮﭼﺮ و ﻫﺎﺗﻔﻴﻠ ﺪ3، 2015)؛ ﭼﺮاﻛﻪ در ﮔﺬﺷﺘﻪ ﻋﻮاﻣﻞ اﻗﺘﺼﺎدي، ﻧﻴﺎزﻫﺎي ﺟﻨﺴﻲ ﻳﺎ ﺻﻼﺣﺪﻳﺪ واﻟﺪﻳﻦ ﻋﺎﻣﻞ اﺻﻠﻲ ازدواج ﺑﻮد، اﻣﺎ ﺑﺎ رواج ﺻﻨﻌﺖ و دﻣﻮﻛﺮاﺳﻲ در ﺟﻮاﻣﻊ ﺗﻮﺳﻌ ﻪﻳﺎﻓﺘﻪ و ﺣﺘﻲ در ﺣﺎل ﺗﻮﺳﻌﻪ، ﻋﺸﻖ ﻣﺒﻨﺎي اﺻﻠﻲ ازدواج ﺷﺪ و ﺗﺠﺎرت ﺳﺒﻚ ﺧﺎﺻﻲ از ﻋﺸﻖ، ﺗﺤﺖ ﻋﻨﻮان «ﻋﺸﻖ رﻣﺎﻧﺘﻴ ﻚ» ﺑﻪ واﺳﻄﻪ رﺳﺎﻧ ﻪﻫﺎ رواج ﻳﺎﻓﺖ، ﺗﺎ ﺟﺎﻳﻲ ﻛﻪ ﺑﺮﺧﻲ اﻳﻦ ﻣﻴﺰان ﺗﺄﻛﻴﺪ ﺑﺮ ﺷﺮط ﻋﺸﻖ ﭘﻴﺶ از ازدواج را «ﻋﻘﺪه ﻋﺸﻖ رﻣﺎﻧﺘﻴ ﻚ» در ﻋﺼﺮ ﺣﺎﺿﺮ ﻣ ﻲﺧﻮاﻧﻨﺪ (ﺑﺮاردو و اووﻧﺰ4، 2000: 1968) ﻛﻪ ﺑﻪ ﻫﻤﻴﻦ ﻧﺴﺒﺖ ﻧﻴﺰ ﺳﻬﻢ ﺑﺴﺰاﻳﻲ در ﻛﻴﻔﻴﺖ و ﺗﺪاوم رواﺑﻂ زﻧﺎﺷﻮﻳﻲ و اﺳﺘﺤﻜﺎم ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده اﻳﻔﺎ ﻣ ﻲﻛﻨﺪ (ﺳﻴﺮن5، 2011). ﺑﺎ وﺟﻮد آ نﻛﻪ ﺗﺤﻘﻴﻘﺎت ﻟﻮﻳﻦ و ﻫﻤﻜﺎراﻧ ﺶ6 (1995) ﻧﺸﺎن دادﻧﺪ ﻋﺸﻖ ﺑﻪ ﻋﻨﻮان ﻣﺒﻨﺎﻳﻲ ﺑﺮاي ازدواج در ﺟﻮاﻣﻊ ﻓﺮدﮔﺮاي ﻏﺮﺑﻲ ﺑﻴﺸﺘﺮ از ﺟﻮاﻣﻊ ﺧﺎﻧﻮاد هﮔﺮاي ﺷﺮﻗﻲ ﻣﺤﺴﻮب ﻣ ﻲﺷﻮد، اﻣﺎ ﻣﺸﺎﻫﺪات ﺗﺠﺮﺑﻲ و ﭘﮋوﻫ ﺶﻫﺎي ﻣﻴﺪاﻧﻲ ﺣﺎﻛﻲ از آن اﺳﺖ ﻛﻪ در اﻳﺮان، ﺧﺼﻮﺻﺎً در ﺑﺎﻓﺖ ﺷﻬﺮي و ﺗﻮﺳﻌ ﻪﻳﺎﻓﺘﻪ، ﺑﺮ ﺧﻼف ﺳﺎ لﻫﺎي ﭘﻴﺸﻴﻦ ﻛﻪ ﻋﺸﻖ ﻣﺆﻟﻔﻪ ارزﺷﻤﻨﺪي ﺑﺮاي ﺳﻌﺎدت ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده ﻣﺤﺴﻮب ﻣ ﻲﺷﺪ، اﻣﺎ ﻓﻘﺪان آن ﻣﻮﺟﺐ زوال ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده ﻧﻤ ﻲﺷﺪ (ﺳﺎروﺧﺎﻧﻲ، 1386)؛ ﻃﻲ دو دﻫﻪ ﮔﺬﺷﺘﻪ ﺟﺎﻳﮕﺎﻫﻲ ﺷﺎﺧﺺ در ﺗﺼﻤﻴﻢ ﺑﻪ ازدواج و ﭘﺎﻳﺪاري ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده ﭘﻴﺪا ﻛﺮده اﺳﺖ (اﺣﻤﺪي و ﻫﻤﻜﺎرا ن7، 2013). اﻣﺎ ﺑﺎ وﺟﻮد رواج ﻓﺰاﻳﻨﺪه دﻣﻮﻛﺮاﺳﻲ و اﻧﺘﺨﺎب ﺗﻮأم ﺑﺎ ﻋﺸﻖ و ﻋﻼﻗﻪ در ﺗﺸﻜﻴﻞ ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده، ﻣﺘﺄﺳﻔﺎﻧﻪ ﺑﻪ ﻫﻤﻴﻦ ﻧﺴﺒﺖ ﻧﻴﺰ ﺛﺒﺎت و ﭘﺎﻳﺪاري ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده ﺑﻪ دﻟﻴﻞ ﺗﻐﻴﻴﺮ ﻣﺎﻫﻴﺖ اﺣﺴﺎﺳﺎت ﻋﺎﺷﻘﺎﻧﻪ ﭘﺲ از ازدواج، در ﻣﻌﺮض ﺗﻬﺪﻳﺪ ﻗﺮار دارد (ﻛﻴﻢ و ﻫﺎﺗﻔﻴﻠ ﺪ8، 2004). ﺑﺪون ﺷﻚ ﻋﻮاﻣﻞ ﻣﺘﻌﺪد ﻓ ﺮدي، اﻗﺘﺼﺎدي و اﺟﺘﻤﺎﻋﻲ در آﺳﻴﺐ ﺑﻪ ﺗﺸﻜﻴﻞ و ﭘﺎﻳﺪاري ﻧﻈﺎم ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده دﺧﻴﻞ ﻫﺴﺘﻨﺪ، اﻣﺎ ﺷﻮاﻫﺪ ﻧﺸﺎن ﻣ ﻲدﻫﺪ ﻛﻪ ﺗﻌﺎرﺿﺎت زﻧﺎﺷﻮﻳﻲ، ﻣﻌﻤﻮﻻً ﺑﺎ ﻛﺎﻫﺶ ﺑﻴﺎن ﻋﻮاﻃﻒ و ﻣﻴﻞ ﺑﻪ ﺗﺒﺎدل ﻋﺸﻖ ﺗﺸﺪﻳﺪ ﻣ ﻲﺷﻮﻧﺪ (ﮔﺎﺗﻤﻦ و ﮔﺎﺗﻤ ﻦ9، 2006) و از ﻃﺮﻓﻲ ﻋﺎﻣﻞ ﺑﺴﻴﺎري از ﺗﻌﺎرﺿﺎت و ﻛﺸﻤﻜ ﺶﻫﺎي زﻧﺎﺷﻮﻳﻲ، ﻛ ﺎﻫﺶ ﺑﻴﺎن اﺣﺴﺎس ﻣﺜﺒﺖ، ارﺗﺒﺎط ﻋﺎﻃﻔﻲ ﻧﺎﻛﺎرآﻣﺪ، ﻓﻘﺮ ﺻﻤﻴﻤﻴﺖ و ﻋﺸﻖ اﺳﺖ (ﺣﻔﺎﻇ ﻲﻃﺮﻗﺒﻪ و ﻫﻤﻜﺎران، 1385؛ اﺳﺘﺮﻧﺒﺮگ10، 2004). در ﺟﻮاﻣﻌﻲ ﻣﺜﻞ اﻳﺮان ﻛﻪ ﻧﻈﺎم ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده، ﻋﻼوه ﺑﺮ ارز شﻫﺎي اﺟﺘﻤﺎﻋﻲ ﻛﻠﻲ و ﻣﺸﺎﺑﻪ ﺑﺎ ﺳﺎﻳﺮ اﺟﺘﻤﺎﻋﺎت، از ارزش ﺳﻨﺘﻲ و ﻣﺬﻫﺒﻲ ﺧﺎﺻﻲ ﺑﺮﺧﻮردار اﺳﺖ، ﭘﺎﻳﺪاري و دوام اﻳﻦ ﻧﻈﺎم ﻣ ﻲﺗﻮاﻧﺪ اﻫﻤﻴﺘﻲ دوﭼﻨﺪان داﺷﺘ ﻪ ﺑﺎﺷﺪ و ﺑ ﻲﻣﻴﻠﻲ ﻧﺴﺒﺖ ﺑﻪ ﺗﺸﻜﻴﻞ ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده و ﻧﺎﭘﺎﻳﺪاري ﻧﻬﺎد ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده ﻣ ﻲﺗﻮاﻧﺪ ﻣﺸﻜﻼت ﻓﺮدي و اﺟﺘﻤﺎﻋﻲ ﺟﺪ يﺗﺮي را ﺑﻪ ﺑﺎر آور د. رﺷﺪ ﻓﺰاﻳﻨﺪه ﻣﺸﻜﻼت ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده اﻳﺮاﻧﻲ در ﺣﺎﻟﻲ ﺷﺪت ﻣ ﻲﮔﻴﺮد ﻛﻪ رواﺑﻂ ﺟﺎري در ﺟﺎﻣﻌﻪ ﻣﻌﺎﺻﺮ، ﭼﻪ ﻣﻨﺠﺮ ﺑ ﻪ ازدواج ﺷﻮد و ﭼﻪ در ﻣﺮاﺣﻞ ﻗﺒﻞ از ازدواج اﺑﺘﺮ ﺑﻤﺎﻧﺪ، اﻏﻠﺐ ﺑﺎ ﺗﻮﺻﻴﻔﺎﺗﻲ اﻏﺮا قآﻣﻴﺰ از ﺣﻀﻮر ﻋﺸﻘﻲ ﺷﻮراﻧﮕﻴﺰ و رﻣﺎﻧﺘﻴﻚ، دﺳ ﺖﻛﻢ در زﻣﺎن ﺷﺮوع رواﺑﻂ، ﻫﻤﺮاه ﻫﺴﺘﻨﺪ؛ ﺑﻨﺎﺑﺮاﻳﻦ اﺻﻮﻻً ﻣﺸﻜﻞ ﻧﺎﭘﺎﻳﺪاري ﻳﺎ اﺧﺘﻼﻻت ﻣﻮﺟﻮد در رواﺑﻂ ﻣﻴﺎن زوﺟﻴﻦ اﻣﺮوزي ﺑﺮ ﺧﻼف ﭼﻨﺪ دﻫﻪ ﻗﺒﻞ، ﻧﺎﺷﻲ از ﺳﺮﻛﻮب ﻳﺎ ﻛﻤﺒﻮد اﺣﺴﺎﺳﺎت ﻋﺎﺷﻘﺎﻧﻪ، ﺧﺼﻮﺻﺎً در ﻣﺮﺣﻠﻪ اﻧﺘﺨﺎب ﺷﺮﻳﻚ زﻧﺪﮔﻲ ﻧﻴﺴﺖ؛ ﺑﻠﻜﻪ ﺑﻪ ﻧﻈﺮ ﻣ ﻲرﺳﺪ ﺑﺎﻳﺪ اﻳﻦ ﻣﺸﻜﻞ را در ادراك زوﺟﻴﻦ از ﭘﺪﻳﺪه ﻋﺸﻖ ﺟﺴ ﺖوﺟﻮ ﻛﺮد، ﻓﻬﻤﻲ از ﻋﺸﻖ ﻛﻪ ﺑﻪ ﺟﺎي ﺗﻀﻤﻴﻦ دوام و ﭘﺎﻳﺪاري اﺣﺴﺎس ﺗﻌﻠﻖ ﺧﺎﻃﺮ، ﻣﻨﺠﺮ ﺑﻪ اﻳﺠﺎد ﺗﻮﻗﻌﺎت ﻣﺨﺮب و ﺷﻜﺴﺖ در ارﺗﺒﺎﻃﺎت ﻣ ﻲﺷﻮد. درك ﻧﺎدرﺳﺖ از ﻋﺸﻖ، آن ﻫﻢ ﮔﻮﻧﻪ «ﻋﺸﻖ ازدواﺟ ﻲ»11 ﺑﺎ ﻣﻄﺎﻟﻌﺎت آﻛﺎدﻣﻴﻚ و ﺗﺨﺼﺼﻲ راﻳﺞ ﺑﻪ اﻳﻦ ﭘﺪﻳﺪه در اﻳﺮان در ﺣﻴﻄ ﻪﻫﺎي ﮔﻮﻧﺎﮔﻮن از ﺟﻤﻠﻪ ﭘﮋوﻫ ﺶﻫﺎ، روﻳﻜﺮدﻫﺎي ﺳﻨﺠﺶ و ﻣﺪاﺧﻠﻪ، آﻣﻮزش رواﺑﻂ www.SID.ir 440 / /)*+, &' ( /$% !"# / / Archive of SID زوﺟﻴﻦ ﻗﺒﻞ و ﺑﻌﺪ از ازدواج و ﻧﻈﺎﻳﺮ آ نﻫﺎ، ﺑﻪ ﺧﻮﺑﻲ ﻣﺸﻬﻮد اﺳ ﺖ. ﺑﻪ ﻫﻤﻴﻦ دﻟ ﻴﻞ ﻛﺎر روي ﺑﺎزﺧﻮاﻧﻲ ﭘﺪﻳﺪه ﻋﺸﻖ و ﺗﻤﺮﻛﺰ روي ﻣﻔﺎﻫﻴﻢ ﺑﻠﻮغ و ﻣﺮاﻗﺒﺖ در «ﻋﺸﻖ ازدواﺟ ﻲ» ﺷﺎﻳﺪ ﺗﻨﻬﺎ روش ﺣﻔﻆ ﻧﻈﺎم ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده ﻧﺒﺎﺷﺪ، اﻣﺎ ﺑﻪ ﻃﻮر ﻳﻘﻴﻦ ﻣ ﻲﺗﻮاﻧﺪ ﺑﺮاي ﺗﺸﻜﻴﻞ و ﺗﺪاوم ﻧﻈﺎم ﺧﺎﻧﻮاده در ﻋﺼﺮ ﺣﺎﺿﺮ ﺿﺮورﺗﻲ اﻧﻜﺎرﻧﺎﭘﺬﻳﺮ ﺑﺎﺷﺪ. ﻋﺸﻖ و اﻧﻮاع آن ﻋﺸﻖ ﻣﻌﺎﻧﻲ ﻣﺘﻌﺪدي را درﺑﺮ ﻣ ﻲﮔﻴﺮد. رﻳﺸﻪ ﻟﻐﻮي آن ﺑﻪ ﻋﺸَﻖ ('ašaq) ﺑﻪ ﻣﻌﻨﺎي «ﭼﺴﺒﻴﺪن» و ﻣﺘﺮادف ﺑﺎ ﻧﺎم ﮔﻴﺎه ﻟﺒﻼب اﺳﺖ ﻛﻪ وﻗﺘﻲ ﺑﺮ درﺧﺘﻲ ﺑﭙﻴﭽﺪ آن را ﺧﺸﻚ ﻣ ﻲﻛﻨﺪ. ﺑﺎ وﺟﻮد آ نﻛﻪ اﻳﻦ ﺗﻌﺮﻳﻒ را در آﺛﺎر داﻧﺸﻤﻨﺪان اﻳﺮاﻧﻲ ﻫ ﻢﭼﻮن اﺑ ﻦﺳﻴﻨﺎ و ﺷﻴﺦ ﺷﻬﺎ باﻟﺪﻳﻦ ﺳﻬﺮوردي ﻧﻴﺰ ﻣ ﻲﺗﻮان دﻳﺪ، اﻣﺎ «ﻋﺸﻖ» در زﺑﺎن ﭘ ﺎرﺳﻲ ﺑﺎ واژه اوﺳﺘﺎﻳﻲ iš ﺑﻪ ﻣﻌﻨﺎي «ﺧﻮاﺳﺘﻦ، ﻣﻴﻞ داﺷﺘﻦ، آرزو ﻛﺮدن، ﺟﺴ ﺖوﺟﻮ ﻛﺮد ن» ﭘﻴﻮﻧﺪ دار د.
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