Love Stories: a Narrative Look at How Couples Jointly Construct Love in Romantic Relationships
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ABSTRACT LOVE STORIES: A NARRATIVE LOOK AT HOW COUPLES JOINTLY CONSTRUCT LOVE IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS The goal of this thesis was to understand how love in romantic relationships is constituted through the stories couples tell. Two research questions were asked: How do couples co-construct love? And, how do couples narratively define love? The stories were collected through open-ended dyadic interviews with 15 heterosexual couples. Couples ranged in ages and relationship length and some were dating, some were married. Narrative theory was used to understand how couples make sense of their love through the stories they told together. Amanda Elizabeth Rowen May 2018 LOVE STORIES: A NARRATIVE LOOK AT HOW COUPLES JOINTLY CONSTRUCT LOVE IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS by Amanda Elizabeth Rowen A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts in Communication in the College of Arts and Humanities California State University, Fresno May 2018 APPROVED For the Department of Communication: We, the undersigned, certify that the thesis of the following student meets the required standards of scholarship, format, and style of the university and the student's graduate degree program for the awarding of the master's degree. Amanda Elizabeth Rowen Thesis author Falon Kartch (Chair) Communication Kathy Adams Communication Jennifer Randles Sociology For the University Graduate Committee: Dean, Division of Graduate Studies AUTHORIZATION FOR REPRODUCTION OF MASTER’S THESIS X I grant permission for the reproduction of this thesis in part or in its entirety without further authorization from me, on the condition that the person or agency requesting reproduction absorbs the cost and provides proper acknowledgment of authorship. Permission to reproduce this thesis in part or in its entirety must be obtained from me. Signature of thesis author: ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Thank you to my always loving and supportive parents, Mary and Tim Rowen. You have always pushed me to pursue my dreams and have supported me every step of the way and I can never thank you enough. Thank you to my husband, Austin. You always cheered me on when I began to give up. Your love always inspires me. To all of my family and friends, your kind words of encouragement over these past years has not gone unnoticed. Thank you! Last but not least, thank you to my committee. Dr. Kartch and Dr. Adams, you have taught me so much throughout this process and I am grateful for your wisdom, patience, and guidance. Dr. Randles thank you for your encouraging and insightful comments along the way. TABLE OF CONTENTS Page CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION/LITERATURE REVIEW .................................. 1 Introduction ....................................................................................................... 1 Literature Review .............................................................................................. 3 Prominent Theories and Scales ......................................................................... 7 Narrative Theory: An Interpretive Look at Love ............................................ 25 CHAPTER 2: METHOD ........................................................................................ 33 Methodology ................................................................................................... 33 Method ............................................................................................................ 35 CHAPTER 3: RESULTS ....................................................................................... 53 RQ 1: How do couples co-construct love? ...................................................... 53 RQ 2: How do couples define love? ............................................................... 67 CHAPTER 4: DISCUSSION & CONCLUSION .................................................. 83 Discussion ....................................................................................................... 85 Discussion of Method ................................................................................... 106 Limitations .................................................................................................... 109 Future Research ............................................................................................. 111 Conclusion ..................................................................................................... 113 REFERENCES ..................................................................................................... 115 APPENDIX: INTERVIEW PROTOCOL ............................................................ 122 CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION/LITERATURE REVIEW Introduction For years, researchers, philosophers, and even writers have been trying to define love. As Brehm (1985) stated, “Social scientists have had as much trouble defining love as philosophers and poets. We have books on love, theories on love, and research on love. Yet no one has a single, simple definition that is widely accepted by other social scientists” (as cited in Fehr & Russel, 1991, p. 427). We have such a difficulty defining love because it is an amorphous emotion, behavior, and concept (Fehr & Russel, 1991). Love is culturally bound and closely intertwined with other emotions and behaviors (Kelley, 2012; Myers & Shurts, 2002). This is why love is always evolving and morphing; as cultures progress and change and as emotions change, so does love. In this thesis, I set out to understand how love is co-created in romantic relationships by each partner weaving together a narrative of what love means to them and how love is brought to life through their relational narrative. Using narrative theory as a lens to understand love will help capture the uniqueness and processes of how couples create love together and how it evolves throughout the relationships. Duck (1980) discussed why communication scholars should care about the uniqueness and fluidity of emotions in interpersonal relationships and I believe the same care and consideration should be given when researching love. Duck (1980) warned communication scholars of the difficulty of measuring emotions in interpersonal relationships and trying to define them into concrete, stable variables. Not only was he pointing out the difficulty of defining emotions, but also the danger of not being aware of their fluidity (Duck, 1980). If we do not see emotions, such as love, as being fluid then we miss out on understanding 2 2 certain aspects of romantic relationships, like why couples seem to be infatuated with one another one moment and then years down the road break up. If we were looking at emotions and love as stable components, then couples would not break up because they would always be in the same constant state of emotions; but that is not the case. As researchers, we need to be cognizant of the fluidity of love and its uniqueness within each relationship. If we forget this, then we “fail to capture its living significance” (Duck, 1980, p. 118). We miss out on the process of how the relationship unfolds and is created when we do not attempt to understand the living essence of the relationship. By understanding the living essence of a relationship, we can begin to understand how love is created in conversations between couples and how narratives told by couples constitutes their understanding of love. It is also dangerous to assume that people in romantic relationships are always aware of these emotions, or know exactly what they are doing with their own emotions, as well as with others (Duck, 1980). Quite often we act within relationships without knowing how we are affecting the other; which is why it is necessary to understand relationships are co-constructed. Using narrative theory as a lens to understand love will reveal how couples make sense of their emotions together and how they interact together to craft a story about their relationship and how they are feeling. Relationships are composed of actions by each partner and between partners, shared activities, and the emotions that each partner feels and displays (Duck, 1980). Despite the difficulty of studying emotions, many communication and psychology scholars have set out trying to make sense of the love phenomenon by studying love as an attitude or style that each person possesses (e.g., Hammock & Richardson, 2011; Levine, Stryzewski Aune, & Sun Park, 2006; Sheets, 2004). 3 3 There has been a void in the communication literature about understanding how love is co-constructed between romantic partners. Scholars have been focusing on pinning down a definition for love and focusing on how the emotions of love are felt. But, like relationships, love is constantly being negotiated day to day between the couple and is not something that stays the same throughout the relationship. Scholars have been missing this negotiation process of how love is constructed through acts and conversations by couples. Through the co- construction process is how love becomes defined and re-defined. Narrative theory and joint interviews with couples will help to make sense of how love is co- constructed and how each couple uniquely builds their love story. In the following literature review, I will discuss past research that has focused on relational culture, defining love, prominent theories and scales used in love research, love languages, and narrative theory. Literature Review In review of past literature, I will start off broadly looking at how romantic relationships are constituted by communications