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Res Gestae Law School History and Publications
2006 Vol. 56, No. 9, February 21, 2006 University of Michigan Law School
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February 21, 2006 � �inul950 � Vol. 56 No.9
Don'tPanic! Save Yourself (Jail) Time, Trouble With 'TheLaw Student's Guide to the Planet'
By Nate Kurtis it is a small world after all], I found help. I sat down with International pring break is almost Court of Justice Judge Bruno Simma upon us. Whether it's to find out just what a law student for a visit back home, should or shouldn't do to avoid an te ewing tour de force, or translational legal entanglements. that dream vacation, most of us are getting out of here with extreme Res Gestae: What sort of things prejudice. Imagine it, within would a traveling law student a week, roughly one thousand have to do to be brought before almost-lawyers will invade the the International Court of Justice "real world" -a place where the in The Hague? words "casebook", "conclusory", and "dispositive" mean little to Judge Simma: You can not nothing and where beer and spirits possibly do things bad enough are plentiful. What's the worst that to be referred to the International could possibly happen? Court of Justice because we only have two types of cases: advisory We law students know the answer opinions, under which law students is, of course, a lot of very bad will not be a relevant topic; and stuff. The real world can probably contentious cases. So, the only thing handle us, but can we handle the that could happen is that American real world? Domestically, we've law students invade Europe, create had enough jurisdiction to know that Naturally, this sort of guide could a lot of damage, are being treated very when we're driving across Ohio, with only be assembled by someone with a roughly by police, end up in some prison, our friends from Oklahoma in the back thorough grounding in transnational some dw1geons in France for instance, seat, and we collide with a guy traveling law and years of experience handling the and then the Untied States could come to from Florida: it's time to call Professor perils of worldwide travel. Unfortunately, the aid of its nationals and bring a case to Reimann. Internationally, however, all those people were busy. the ICJ. But, I simply cannot imagine that the laws get a lot trickier. (Example: law students would behave in such a way. in Iceland, interstate car accidents In the interest of full disclosure, the Especially at the University of Michigan are grounds for honor-bound single majority of my internationaltraveling has where everybody gets a grounding in combat at the Allthing. Really!) For the transnational law and comes out of that b�ep to such exgJjc�catiops � :'F,Iorida" international jetsetters amongst us, the 1 � course with a firm understanding of his a� .��M . rM fen·�� ' �e lfl'ld clear Res Gestae offers a law students guide to that my travels to Epcot would be no or her rights and obligations. spring break survival. substituttprBc�a2k��dge [though CONTINUED on Page 11 ' '�------�'' =2======�==�=·�·· ·�·�.·�==��=e=s=® ==e=s=tn= e==·��=w==ru=a= r��=Z=1=' 20= =0=6======� Jl\.es @.esta.e Editorial: Coke Ban 3!Inl Sfi, ;Nn. 9 �niuersiit)nf �ll!tidriglln 1Q1tfn�drnnl Can Beat the Real Thing
Editor-in-Chief ecently,the University canceled the use of Coke at student functions, but Mike Murphy its contract to purchase Coca that decision seems difficult to enforce. Cola products, leaving the Moreover, it forces everyone to comply with Executive Editor: Co hine in the Student lounge to a somewhat divisive measure, regardless of Alatt Nolan wither and die. Thecoke machine is a sad their opinion,and constitutes a potentially sight. It reminds us of a deserted, soon-to unfair amount of control over student Afanaging Editor: be-haunted, house which neighborhood organization expenditures. Steven Boender youths will throw rocks at and dare each other to touch. Or, the law school could reject the Contributing Editors: University's decision to stop the flow of Patrick Ban-y, Adam Blumenk-ralllz. Recently, a lunchtime speaker gave a Coke through its borders and set up its Danb Clark. Adam Dubinksky, talk about human rights violations by own distribution system. The snack bar Antonia Eliason, Diana Geseking, U.S. corporations. One of the big cases is could deal (okay, sell) Coke for a profit. Afitch Holzrichter,Andrea Hunt, against Coke for allegations of sweatshop The vending machine would still be a Matthew Jedreski, Nate Kurtis, Bria LaSalle, Bayrex lvfarti. use in South America and tl1e murders of waste of valuable space, but we'd all be Liz Polizzi, Bever�v Schneider. union organizers. What was the student able to get our Coke fixes. The LSSS could Michelle Sharpe, Jay Surdukowski, group serving as liquid refreshment with investigate contracting directly with a Kim Thompson its pizza? You get three guesses, and the distributor for its own Coke machine. End first two aren't Pepsi. Other than being consumers have a better deal if the entire illustrative of the disconnect law students University contracts for Coke, so prices Res Gestae is published biweekly during the school seem to have between what they focus may increase. But Coke enthusiasts will yearby studeuts of the University of Michigan Law on as "law," (or even "causes,") and the pay the difference, and casual users will School. Opinions expressed in bylined articles are those of the authors and do not necessarily rest of the world, this anecdote highlights switch to Pepsi. Thus, Coke (and not law represent the opinions of the editorial staff.Articles a larger issue. An issue not as large as students) would be punished for alleged with contact information in italics at the end of the human rights abuses, but big enough: human rights violations. article or "submitted by" in the byline are opinion the underground Coke trade in the law pieces, not factual news stories, and the opinions school. The financial relationship between the contained therein are not necessarily r�flective of the opinions of the editorial staff Res Gestae university and the law school is widely articles will occasionally contain adult language We at the Res Gestae admit our known but only vaguely understood. It and are not intended for readers under 18. AI1icles complicity; empty 12-pack containers seems unfair that the law school must may be reprinted without permission, provided that litter our floor, evidence of the illegal unwittingly, or unwillingly, sacrifice its the authorandRes Gestae are credited and notified. Res Gestae welcomes submissions and letters to Coke ring we run from Legal Research. refreshment options based on a university the editor. Submissions may be made via emaiL On any given day, Coke is being used initiative. We can have a separate (and preferably as an MS Word attachment. Letters in classrooms, at lunch, and after hours constitutional!) admissions policy, but we of the editor must be clearly and unantbiguosly (even in strictly verboten places such as can't have a Coke and wear a smile? marked "Letter to the Editor.''Res Gestae reserves the right to edit all submissions and letters to editor the law library or near laptop computers). in the interest of space. The university's "war on Coke" hasn't Ostensibly,part of theUniversity's reason stopped the flow of Coke into the law for withdrawing from its Coke contract Mailing address: Res Gestae school community; it has only made Coke was to demonstrate that the University University of Michigan Law School more difficult to get for regular users. of Michigan doesn't wish to patronize 625 South State St. a company accused of such violations. Aim Arbor, MI 48109 The current system, not purchasing Settingaside the sticky differences between
Web Site Address: Coke products but allowing their use, allegations and convictions, there's a bigger http://students.law.umich.edu/rg seems to violate thespirit of the anti-Coke problem with the University's decision to movement. (Note that the Tea Room and discontinue the entire contract. This was � Faculty lounges proudly serve Star bucks a message sent on behalf the Law School 116 Legal Research regular coffee that is, to our knowledge, community, but our own behavior shows not the blend that's traded fairly.) we aren't unified enough to speak with [email protected] one voice. The law school could attempt to ban • ------111 �cs ®cs±nc • Jlr.ebrua:rlJ 21, 2DD6
Ann Arbor Has a 'StarryNigh t'
By Matthew Jedreski most common, with "a professional and Bayrex Marti African-American woman" being the most touted. t's 8:20ish. Bette G. Caminker shushes the crowd as a The crowd at Borders was as diverse tangible excitement fills the as the ladies of The View: men holding air. She knows a "Star" has arrived, four or five copies of Shine, women that her four-hour wait in line at holding their life partners, and dogs Borders was not a waste of her Friday being held by their masters. A welcome night. -if unexpected-element was a host of teenage boys, all of whom were buying Superbowl XL was not the only the book with the hope of having it major event drawing Americans to personalized and immortalized by Michigan during the first weekend of Star Jones-Reynolds. When asked February. On the road promoting her what, if anything, Jones-Reynolds had new book Shine: A Physical, Emotional ever inspired him to do, fifteen-year and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love old Danny Soto replied, "To buy the (304 pages. Collins. $24.95), celebrity, book." Danny and his friends Will author, Daytime Emmy-nominated Warner and Steve Botsfone all admitted talk show co-host, and former New that they "really liked The View," and York City prosecutor Star Jones were impressed with Star's willpower. Reynolds stopped in Ann Arbor to A willpower that includes, it seems, speak at the Borders on Liberty Street. motivating America's iPod-Grand The book tour itself is awe-inspiring: Jones-Reynolds and her canine companion, Theft Auto-Laguna Beach-Hotpockets ten weeks, thirty cities, and Pinky. Photos by Karin "Scoop"Kringen. fueled generation to rediscover seventy-five straight days of the simple pleasures of a good glamour, mentoring, and hard book. work. Even excited boys, however, Caminker cradles a copy of were forced to corral their Shine in the crook of one arm raging hormones when it was and clutches an old picture of announced that Star Jones a much larger Bette Caminker Reynolds was in the house. The in the other. sober crowd had tensely followed reports of the star's movements "I did it before Star did," she as updates were given regarding gushes, holding up the picture. her delayed flight. Rumor flitted Caminker, a realtor and former among the fans, bringing with teacher, lost a substantial her speculation that Jones amount of weight months prior Reynolds -who was supposed to Jones-Reynolds's celebrated to arrive at 7:00 PM -might not makeover and cited that bond Bayrex Marti, 31 and Bette G. Caminker. survive the wintry weather. If as just one of many between there's anything Jones-Reynolds is, them. In 2005, the American Caminker was the first in line and the though, it's a survivor. At 8:20ish, people witnessed Jones-Reynolds embodiment of a Star Jones-Reynolds fan. nobody remembered his or her previous undergo a life-altering transformation of When asked why she was so inspired annoyance. both body and soul. Shine is the result of by Jones-Reynolds, Caminker echoed her experiences, a combination memoir the sentiments expressed by others in Jones-Reynolds glided across the large and self-improvement guide that the attendance who praised Star's numerous room effortlessly, her newly-sculpted public is eating up. achievements. Descriptions such as body clothed in sensible-yet-chic. She "smart," "admirable," "educated," "a diva," and "a fashion icon" were CONTINUED on Page 13 �------�� � = 4======�=�== �, =��==�2R ==e s==� =e=s t&= =e== ·��=w= =ur =n=��r 2=17=2=0 0= 6======��� In ReKwan Submitted by William Tran win five did so from 1956-1960. Two performances at the previous year's World Olympic medals. She hasn't finished lower Championships. Furthermore, Michelle ow are you handling it?" than fourth in any event in 12 years! Her had herself gone through a similar "A re you sad?" success and longevity in the sport's most situation in 1994. She earned an Olympic "I'm so sorry." competitive era is awe-inspiring. berth by placing second at Nationals at the age of 13, but she was bumped off theteam These weren't comments regarding But beyond her competitive record, because Nancy Kerrigan couldn't skate at Tia Carrere's Dancing with the Stars exit, what's sui generis about Kwan is her basic Nationals due to tl1e whack-heard-round Kara's annoying staying power on Project skating quality. To watch her take an the-world. Runway, or even Reese Witherspoon's edge is to wih1ess pure majesty. To watch devastating win over Felicity Huffman her land simple jumps is to witness utter Given that Michelle was the most at the Screen Actor's Guild Awards. No. joy. The only comparable skater was recognizable name in these Olympics, and These were remarks thrown at me after Janet Lynn, who won five national titles the controversy over the injury-waiver Michelle Kwan's withdrawal from the from 1969-1973 and also never secured which put her on the team, her demeanor Olympics. Olympic gold. That's an elite category under the spotlight was professional that I'd take any day over the likes of beyond belief. She never took a shot at Every four years, people will purnn1elme recent ladies' Olympic champions (think: Emily Hughes (like I gladly have), and she with questions like "What's the difference Oksana Baiul, Tara Lipinski, and Sarah insisted that US Figure Skating officials between pairs and ice dancing?" For Hughes; read: flash-in-the-pan). Oksana, monitor her. She demonstrated her this Olympics, the questions all revolved Tara, and Sarah delivered unbelievable fimessunder extraordinary circumstances around Kwan (and Johnny Weir's outfits). performances on the night that mattered and then patriotically participated in People who think "triple salchow" sounds most, and their unadulterated joy and the never-ending Opening Ceremonies as foreign as "Res Gestae" become experts abandon were sights to behold. But that (unlike Sasha Cohen). When she realized and say things like, "It's her last clear was one time each. Michelle has delivered she was feeling pain in Torino, she didn't chance. She's lost twice. And she's old." such performances dozens of times for drag it out and hope that it would go over a decade. away. She knew she couldn't be at her In reality, the skatosphere couldn't best and withdrew sua sponte, so as to not give a damn whether or not Michelle "That's nice, but she's not skating her hurt the team. She gave Emily Hughes ever wins the Olympics. The skateratti best now." Whoa there, prosecutor. Yes, all the time in the world to pack her bags know that she has transcended her sport Michelle finished fourth at the 2005 World and get to Italy. When NBC offered her and the Olympics. So does Corporate Championships. However, four words: the opportunity (and money) to stay and America. (Visa and Coca-Cola still air totality of the circumstances. She missed commentate, she graciously turned it her Olympic commercials despite her bronze by less than four-tenths of a point down (unlike Kimmie Meissner, who flew withdrawal, and Disney announced a on her firsttry under thenew cumulative to Worlds last year to commentate about new multi-year endorsement contract with judging system. She would have won how unfair it was that she was too young Michelle immediately after her exit.) Peter bronze without a Qualifying Round. to compete). Ueberroth, president of the US Olympic Guess what event also doesn't count Committee, wasn't exaggerating in saying, a Qualifying Round? That's right, the It's hornbook law that US Figure "Kwan means more to the United States Olympics. Her score forthe short and long Skating's charge is to send the best team Olympic Committee than maybe any programs combined was over 175 points. to the Olympics. Any American figure athlete that'sever performed for the United Emily Hughes' highest internationalscore? skating team without Michelle Kwan is States Olympic Committee." 147.89, in March 2005. Emily Hughes' simply not the best. But there's no need score at Skate America in October 2005? to fret. Michelle has given so much to US Fair-weather figure skating fans don't 126.78. Armchair judges who think Emily Figure Skating already. Am I sad? No. It understand that she doesn't need Olympic Hughes, who finished third in a depleted would've been beautiful to see her skate gold because they don't understand the field at Nationals, deserved the Olympic perfectly again, but there really was no impact she's had or her place in history. spot over Kwan, think again. need. She's already done it over and over They don't understand that such a skater again, so I'm handling it just fine. comes along once every half a century. A In fact, if Michelle hadn't finished fourth quick browse at her resume: Nine national at last year's World Championships, the William Tran is a 3L. To learn more, bid titles, more than anybody in American U.S. would only have two spots in Torino. on his figure skating appreciation seminar at history. Five world titles; no American The International Skating Union awards the SFF Auction. has won more and the last American to Olympic berths based on the country's • ------111 JR.es®eshte • Jlr.ebrua:r� 21, 2006 sll An Open Apologyto Christina Whitman
By Adam David Dubinsky loved could be reached anywhere and at certain that everything would be all right. any time-and it could reach you. Everything was all right, it seemed, as I ear Professor Whitman, stepped onto that first table in room 132 No one here is a stranger It reached seven men on February 14, to shake my hips at Carey Cuprisin: my to the concept that some 1929. AI Capone ordered valograms voice was far from meltdown and my in Is a_re subject to a higher duty for seven of his business partners. limbs were absorbing the oscillations of of care than others. Doctors and lawyers Emboldened by their rapid-fire, fully my loins. Yet, when I advanced towards possess specialized knowledge upon automatic "Tommy-bows," five novice Carey and off that table, something which their clients rely; public officials cupids cornered the seven behind a went terribly wrong this Valentine's are entrusted with the well-being of their warehouse and let loose a barrage of Day. I remember seeing the Headnotes' constituents. There are certain activities unrequited love so concentrated that it faces change before I knew what was posing such an excessive and inherent killed the men instantly. happening, before my innocence was danger, however, that anyone engaging forever lost. Their smiles contorted into in those activities is held strictly liable for Expressions of love reached an gasps of horror and their hands flew up injuries they cause. unprecedented level of danger after in warning. But it was too late. World War II. Investments in science Each year on the fourteenth day of and research spawned new ways to The force of my departure knocked February, I impress myself into Eros' communicate this love. Television over that table, upon which had been service as love's legionnaire, armed with brought love into the nation's living perched a lectern guarding your notes the entirety of Cupid's mighty arsenal. I rooms. The Beatles spoke on behalf of for the day's lesson, as well as a cup of carry in my sling traps fashioned from a generation when they sang "all you iced-coffee. It all crashed (and splashed) honey-dipped words and hypnotizing need is love" -love was to be the cure to the floor. The lectern'sfall was a shell melodies, piercing projectiles launched for society's ills, and the love industry explodingin my ears and the clatteringof from tensely taut bows, and such responded by developing a culture ice like the rattling of desiccated bones. pathologically lust-toxic hips that I altering capacity to deliver. Yet suddenly, must ordinarily contain them in lead without warning, outbreaks of severe I know that nothing I can say will ever undergarments. There is great profit love-sickness began popping up around repair the damage that was done, nor any potential in the business, but love is the country and the world. amount compensate you for your loss. a truly dangerous game to play. All We righted the furniture, replaced the the same, I have been playing it at the Rachel Carson opened the public's notes on the lectern, however, and even community's expense-that expense fell eyes to the danger of the indiscriminate returnedthe ice to your cup; nothing can squarely on you this St. Valentine's Day. spreading of love in her 1962 book, Silent redeem us for our irresponsibility and Spring. Her apocalyptic tale warned of a recklessness. Nevertheless, I offer you In the nineteenth century, the frontier dead post-Valentine civilization littered our humblest apologies. of love remained vast and unconquered. with the senseless bodies of pining Industry captured mankind's imagination, fools. Carson helped usher in a new It sickens us to have taken your class's as did the application of its methods to era of sobriety and self-reflection over fragile environment for granted. We can the heretofore unbroken wilderness of the previously unrestrained Valentine's put as much ice back in the cup as we passionate love. As late as 1837, Cupid Day love. Today, even after the Reagan want, but that coffeewas lost forever. We flitabout in diapers, armed with a recurve administration, love remains a highly are seeking no forgiveness. We merely composite bow with a range of only two regulated industry. hope that you will find a measure of hundred yards. No great advances in comfort knowing that our hearts are with love technology had been achieved since Professor Whitman, when the you, that we will never again risk the law Mongol invasions spread that bow across Headnotes marched into your Federal school community's health and happiness the known world in the thirteenth and Courts class at nine o'clock on Tuesday for the sake of profit and the SFF-lobby. fourteenth centuries. Every Valentine's morning, we were aware of the danger. Day perhaps three or four innocent We believed we had taken adequate Sincerely, bystanders would suffer painful arrow precautions; but they were susceptible Adam Dubinsky wounds from an errant shot. to human error, especially given their rushed treatment as the holiday fell Adam Dubinsky is a 2L. E-mail comments By mid-century, though, the power upon us. Like so many in history who about this article to [email protected]. of steam, coal, and gunpowder had have come to regret unintentionally transformed love. Thanks to the telegraph, devastating behavior, we pressed on, • ''� ------�� � = fi======�== =�=- ·��====�2R== es==® = e=s =ftt=e==·��=cln==u= a=r�� =2=1=, 2= 0=0 =6======� Attractive Nuisance: Introducing the Poetry ofWallace Stevens
By Jay Surdukowksi In a glass coach. Once, a fear pierced him, In that he mistook his week, I introduce two iconic poems by Wallace The shadow of his equipage For blackbirds. Stevens (1879-1 955).
Stevens is one of the gods of high XII modernism, along with T.S. Eliot, TI1e river is moving. Ezra Pound, and William Carlos The blackbird must be flying. Williams. I am proud to say he was also a lawyer (New York University XIII class of 1903). It was evening all afternoon. It was snowing And it was going to snow. Thirteen Ways of Looking at a The blackbird sat Blackbird In the cedar-limbs.
Among twenty snowy mountains, As I mentioned earlier, Stevens The only moving thing was a lawyer, and he was also an Was the eye of the blackbird. insurance company executive. For most of his writing career he II lived and worked in suburban I was of three minds, Connecticut. He would dictate Like a tree poems to his secretary, a- delightful In which there are three blackbirds. scene to imagine.
III The blackbird whirled in the autumn Stevens' life stands for the winds. proposition that an artist does not have to It was a small part of the pantomime. Why do you imagine golden birds? starve. He spoke of resources as a blessing Do you not see how the blackbird for his art; and as a devotee of beauty, he IV Walks around the feet liked the "endives and blue grapes" that A man and a woman Of the women about you? his salary could pay for. Means informed Are one. his work. He's right. An artist who starves A man and a woman and a blackbird VIII Are one. may starve out the art. All poets should I know noble accents go to law school. And lucid, inescapable rhythms; v But I know, too, I do not know which to prefer, That the blackbird is involved Oddly enough, despite his great love The beauty of inflections In what I know. affair with beautiful art and music, he Or the beauty of innuendoes, rarely ventured too-far abroad. The South The blackbird whistling IX and Florida were his major and regular Or just after. When the blackbird flew out of sight, travel ventures. He also loved New York It marked the edge City and would take the train and whirl VI Of one of many circles. through the cosmopolitan experience like Icicles filled the long window With barbaric glass. the blackbird in the autumn winds. "It X The shadow of the blackbird was a small part of the pantomime." At the sight of blackbirds Crossed it, to and fro. Flying in a green light, The mood Even the bawds of euphony This week's poem is heavily influenced Traced in the shadow Would cry out sharply. by Japanese short forms, most prominently An indecipherable cause. XI haiku. What I have always liked is the way He rode over Connecticut VII 0 thin men of Haddam, CONTINUED on Page 15 ------.....,11 21\es®eshte • Jlfchruar� 21, 2006 I KnowWhat You Did Last Semester
By Mike Murphy logging in to her own e-mail account, and share your collection, someone on then that of her significant other, then the same network (the law school one for stopped bringing my laptop to that of her relatives. She was reading the example) has seen your music collection. school. What I lost in the ability sent mail, marking it as "Unread" and All of it. They've seen your copy of "Big to "crtl-f" cases in my notes, logging out. I was horrified, then horrified Willie Style" and your MP3 of "Mambo I g in ability to actually "crtl-f" to realize that by reading these e-mails Number 5." They know you have the attention in class. But law school classes along with her I was just as horrible as entire Backstreet Boys discography. have their moments of mind-crushing she was. boredom, and in those rare instances my But you never know! That could be your attention tums, of course, to the laptop To this day, I cannot look her in the ticket to meeting fellow Lou Bega fans. I screens of the people sitting in front of eye. I thought about confronting her, but met my good friend Tommy because he me. It is amazing what we will bring up that would be paradoxical. Plus she'd sat behind me in Torts class and saw me on our computer screens with upwards of probably argue that her spying on other logging onto The Warehouse, the Dave 50 people sitting directly behind us. people's e-mail is essential to secure her Matthews Band fan club site. Tums out, personal freedom in today's dangerous he was a member, too. I initially found his Please assume, for the purposes of times, and cite an instance in which shet intimate knowledge of my web surfing discussion, that I am not a voyeur, foiled a "surprise" party plot that would habits more than a little disturbing. But I Peeping Tom, or instigator of unregulated have undermined her core values of life. got over it pretty quickly once I realized wiretapping. I spent two years of law Or some dumb crap like that. Plus, she'd we had even more hobbies in common school staring at a laptop. It's damn near probably be more worried about where - like beers and the drinking thereof. a reflex to look at one during class. Laptop the leak to her spying came from then Considering the rounds that Tommy has screens are colorful, and distracting, and engaging in any sort of moral debate over ordered for me over the years, I can credit hard to ignore - much like TV screens, whether it was appropriate. my current state of brain-cell Darwinism fireworks and beer. Besides, you do it too, to the random location of my seat in Torts. and you know you do it. So there. It's not as if we're all not aware of the How's that for proximate cause? (You tell dangers that someone might see our me. I don't remember so good.) But it doesn't take a village to discover computer screens. Especially hilarious embarrassing facts about someone by are the moments when a mobile professor In an environment such as law school, looking over their shoulder as they surf walks up the aisles to better engage a privacy is a rare and easily squandered the intemet. Put another way: unless you student in the back row of a lecture hall. commodity.Most of us lack the enormous are in the back row of a class with no other The digital wave of furious window ego to assume that the law school would students on either side of you, someone, minimization as the professor passes by want to know the details of our personal possibly many people, can easily see your is a sight to see. If I were a professor, I'd lives. (I submit this column as evidence computer screen. If you check your grades try lecturing from the back of the room that I am not like most of us.) Yet through in class, everyone behind you knows your sometime. Or put up a mirror. gossip, small-town living, and the grades. If you talk smack on IM about occasional lawopen post, our personal someone in your section, they probably An even more intense moment of lives often become public domain. know. If you read dumb celebrity gossip shaudenfreude can come on when you're blogs, not only does your section know, trapped watching someone's computer If that bothers you, then you might want they're probably reading along with you get the blue screen of death over and over to think twice before you use your laptop and you're making everyone dumber by again. It's an emotional drama shooting in class to google a word the professor just the minute. right to the heart of our worst fears, all said, have a passive aggressive IM fight while paying hundreds of dollars to with your girlfriend, or post something The most embarrassing and horrible be taught Antitrust. And they say law slanderous on your blog. We're watching thing I ever saw on someone's screen, school is boring. You can't help but watch, you, and we're judging you. last year, still haunts me to this day. One since it's such a scary moment in every student sitting in front of me would log computer owner's life. Then you feel a Mike Murphy is the Editor-in-Chief of in to an e-mail account, check it, log out, slight sliver of relief that it's their laptop the Res Gestae. He is often mistaken for then log in to another e-mail account. This dying and not yours. So you feel shame. a wingless quail and shot. E-mail Mike at continued over several accounts, several [email protected]. times a class period. I finallycaught wind Speaking of shame: if you have used of what was going on; this student was iTunes to play music on your computer • II8 �q Jl\.es (i.esht.e • Jlrcltrua:rJl 21, 2006 111------Artfully Drafted: Second Annual 'Term of Arts' Opening, Sat. Feb. 18 ------111 ,3Res�eshte • Jlf.ehruarJJ 21, 200.6 ------'�' =1=0======�= ·�==� · =· ��· ===2R�c = =s �== c = =tns = c==·==�=w==u=r a= ��=r 2=1=,=20=0=5======�''� Michigan Hoops '06: Just AnotherTease?
By Matt Nolan Wrong. Crawford's departure was only time since high school! Some projections the beginning of a downward spiral that had Michigan as high as a four-seed in c--; t's the look across the room that soon swept away any remaining hope for the tournament,and after a road win over you know means it's on - but the rest of the team. Brian Ellerbe was a Penn State the week after, Michigan sat at really doesn't mean it. It's the horrible coach, and the team had almost as 16-3 overalt 6-2 in the Big Ten, and tied for em th the subject line "it's been too many off-the-court issues as they did on the conference lead for the first time in a long friend!" that contains only jibberish court. We even lost to Murphy's Oakland very,very long time. Hurrah! But. ... about male member englargement or the University. After a few years of futility, letter from Ed McMahon that promises Ellerbe was gone. Lester Abram went down with an millions. And, for my entire seven-year leg injury. Smith followed. Michigan tenure at Michigan, it's been Michigan Then it was REALLY time to celebrate got blown out at Iowa, which could be basketball. -Tommy Amaker, great Seton Hall coach written off as a road loss, but still. .. then and Duke alum, was coming in to clean the hammer. OSU at home, the game that Football has been different. Despite a up the mess and resurrect the program. the old Wolverines would lose and the new down year for the football team, I feel that His 1st season as coach (2002-03) was a ones would definitely handle. Michigan I've been witness to a pretty good era of very good one for the team, but NCAA started up 21-8, but then ...downward that sport. I started as a freshman in 1999 sanctions kept them out of the Dance spiral. Dion Harris gets injured. Daniel with a Michigan victory over Notre Dame again. His 2nd season wasn't as good, but Horton flinging passes away like he's and Tom Brady at the helm as quarterback, still successful, and while the team was Jack Bauer and the ball's about to explode. and went from there. We played on once again left out of the field of 65, they Loss to OSU at home. They'll at least six New Years' Day bowl games, got to entered and won the NIT tournamentwith beat Purdue on the road, but who cares, attend two Rose Bowls, won a few Big Ten mostly freshmen and sophomores. Time because Purdue's the worst team in the Championships, and had some incredible to dance in '05! Or .... Big Ten. Oops. Stomach drops out. Loss moments and wins. So, no complaints. . ..time to flop, get your starting point to Purdue ... wait, no ... asswhipping guard kicked off the team, have the entire at Purdue. At PURDUE? At least we Michigan Basketball, however, has starting roster sufferinjury, and so on. were able to take out our frustrations on been a different story. 1999 was the year Minnesota, making the Sparties' loss to we were "going back to The Dance." What I'm trying to convey here is that them all the more embarrassing, but the Lavell Blanchard and Jamal Crawford Michigan Basketball has been "on the question still remains. highlighted anexciting incoming freshman brink" for my entire time here. In that run, class, and the Maize Rage, the student they've earned only two victories over Bottom line--after once again, and closer section, was founded. A couple of years Michigan State. So THIS year ... with a than EVER, promising that they would had passed since Michigan was in the senior and junior-led team, the same guys finally cure all of our pains and end the NCAA tournament and we were hungry who won the NIT two years ago ...THI S suffering, the Michigan Basketball team to get back in. It was inevitable, naturat would be the year. is back on the brink. I'll be happy with the world was about to be righted. Or not. a tournament berth at this point, but I'll Crawford had to sit out half the season Or not. I was a believer, but hesitant be happier the day this team finally goes because of a minor (and I still think crap) even through the team's 10-1 start. The wire-to-wire, playing to their capability. NCAA violation; he left for the NBA road win at Notre Dame was nice, but the and is now the starting point guard for home loss to UCLA looked too much like Sigh. At least, it's just six months until the New York Knicks. (As an aside, that the old "almost" Wolverines. 2005 ended kickoffin the Big House .... was a great life moment--realizing that and 2006 started with a Michigan team still as I moved back into the dorms during undefined in my mind. 3L Matt Nolan is the Executive Editor of my sophomore year, Crawford had lived the Res Gestae and is experiencing his final there four monthsearlier. And now he was But then! The joy! All the waiting, all opportunity to make the NCAA tournament making millions in the NBA. *sigh.*). the speculation, over. The hopes realized! before leaving Michigan, one of the reasons This year must be the year! In one week (the other being Rose Bowls) he returned for The team did all right and made the Michigan defeated the Sparties from East his law degree. Cut lzim some slack for being NIT tournament. But man, were we Lansing and the Badgers from Madison, a bit obsessive and email your comments or disappointed when we lost in the first the first time they had beaten consecutive thoughts to mjnolan®umich.edu. round to Notre Dame. Our young team ranked opponents since I was in middle would only improve though, right? school! Ranked in the AP poll for the first • ------...JII �cs Qi)cshtc • Jlf.elrruaru 21, 2006 GUIDE, from Page 1 professor who entered the United States interested in getting in touch with your at Kennedy airport had one stamp or RG: Okay. We are probably safe consol; if the way that you ended up in detail not right on his DS 20-19 form, from the ICJ, but to avoid running prison is such that you would rather the which you need to fill out in order to do afoul of any other laws, what sorts of United States not know, then you don't any work here. He was handcuffed and things should a traveling law student have to do it. But, you have a right to do spent the night in prison and was sent absolutely, positively not do? so, and that might be very important. home on the next plane. In this country, JS: The part of the law that comes I think one has reason to be particularly to my mind in that regard is criminal nervous about doing things right if you · · · ·· ·· ·• are a foreigner, especially with regard law. You should not engage in conduct "I CQ· :IJ'l·d · · l. m·�'g:tne \;s <· to immigration. Once you are in the which is criminalized under law in these ��hat if I had io li:ve�n countries. Fortunately, spring break country, it may be different. The Ann does not overlap with the Oktoberfest, a•oeuatrr·:whe�e,fer Arbor police officers always seem to me to be reasonably polite and nice. so one trap will not be available to law 'Six. me;lidh:s .. of �the+ students. I think that there are few things, 8,,,.�fh:e �ea:f:h·elr;. -.>.�--- ·''':=-=� RG: Have you had a lot of dealings aside from just getting drunk and hitting illi ··•· ;-�,_ . - ··• _., _ :."" • __ N :: Germans, Austrians, or whoever, which ' lth�: . tW�•c::htgan at :w with the Ann Arbor Police? you shouldn't do. You shouldn't be afraid the moaent, . J might !I' JS: Not really. That's why I say,"they of engaging your European counterparts ge:t prc»"llle�p wil.," seem to be." I think I would feel most at in debates about how they see the United a . ease in a country whose language I can States because that, of course, is a big alcohol mfself.:" speak and with whose political culture I topic: how we see the Americans in such am reasonably familiar. I think from that matters. You should certainly not be shy i<•ludge .:Bruno Simma in that regard. I think the more we talk viewpoint, I'll probably not move beyond central Europe much. about these matters, the better. I don't know whether that is the American law student's idea of having fun during spring break. RG: Why wouldn't you want Consular The problem is, of course, visiting help? exotic and unfamiliar locales often RG: You never know. Let's say that brings out the rowdy, troublemaking our traveling law student has just done JS: I've talked with a number of undergraduate in us all. So, I asked Judge exactly what you told them not to do Consuls posted in Munich, and they said Simma, international law Prof. Reuven and is now caught by the criminal law that a large number of their nation�ls did Avi-Yonah, and Jay Surdukowski, 3L and of another country. What should they not want them to know that they had Managing Editor of the Michigan Journal do at this point? gotten into trouble with the law in order of International Law, which countries not to have a stain on their records back were best and worst for some of our JS: I think that what they should do home. They wanted this to pass and favorite extracurricular activities: is try to get in touch with the American then back home in Prague, or Budapest, Consulate as quickly as possible. This is or Bucharest nobody would know - for Prof. Avi-Yonah: You need to have a part of international law with which I reasons that are understandable. some cultural sensitivity. I wouldn't am pretty familiar because I dealt with deliberately run into tr uble by, say, a case where this was a problem for RG: Let's fast forward years: you've o 6 going to China and saying: "It is a terrible Germans -more than a problem, they retired from the ICJ and are now thing that you control Tibet," or "Taiwan had actually been executed already in the traveling the world. What country really should be a separate country." It's state of Arizona, and they had not been would you visit based on the laxness of just causing trouble. And, every place in informed about their right to ask for the their laws? assistance of their consular offices. Of the world has some issues that they are sensitive to. If you go to WesternEurope course, nowhere in Western Europe, in JS: Probably from that viewpoint I that's a differentmatter, but if you go to the European Union, will you end up on would not go to the country which is more exotic kinds of places you need to death row. But still. That is the first thing otherwise my favorite, which is Italy. In be aware of the local history and culture, to keep in mind: ask immediately for Italy, someone was not in possession of and what are the potential sensitive spots. the US Consulate to be informed about valid car papers and ended up in a cage It varies from country to country." where you are and that you want to speak in a criminal trial, and that I wouldn't with them. Of course, there might be like. I would certainly not choose the circumstance where you would be less United States because, recently,an Italian CONTINUED on Page 12 · ::±:=e=s ®=e =s =h t=e ·:::::::::Jif:::clrru=a =r::::::::lJ Z:::::l,=Z=O=O=fi :::..JI-- - 4::,, =1==2 ===�=·=·�· ·:::::::!!:·· = JR = = == '' ------GUIDE, from Page 11 = = Jay Surdukowski: Best-Vietnam; Worst wing guy; whichever might be the next North Korea/Manhattan (tie) government. Leave the present president Public Intoxication in place because he is fading away Assaulting a Police Officer already. (Said jokingly:) In Italy, I think a Judge Simma: I never had a problem lot of people would agree, if you have to in that regard. I guess that in Europe the Prof. Avi-Yonah: That is probably bad choose a country; go to Italy and get rid standards of how to treat severely drunk everywhere. of Berlusconi. I think you would do most people are more or less the same. I've people a favor. Yeah, actually, that would heard that in Scandinavian countries, in Judge Simma: Is that something that be my first choice. Nordic countries, there might be more students want to do? of these people around. I could imagine General Lawlessness that if I had to live in a country where, If you get drunk enough ... for six months of the year the weather Jay Surdukowski: Based solely on that is like Michigan at the moment, I might consideration, Somalia is very attractive get a problem with alcohol myself. I've because it's more or less a "failed state," heard of human rights cases in Finland, '"oushould not engag·e with no effective government or law for example, where the cells where they in co.ncluct wh:'i:c•h i·s enforcement. Of course, shooting a keep the unconsciously drunk over the clliminalized under law grenade launcher from your car while weekend were just too crowded, which driving 130 mph down the wrong side i:n these countries. was considered to be a human rights of a deserted highway; naked, gets old problem. Hopefully the people in these Fortunately, spring brea·k after awhile. cells didn't feel what happened to them. d�oes not overl;ap with So, there might be problems of that kind, the Oktobe:rfes·t, so one Prof. Avi-Yonah: The problem is there but with regard as to the rigidity with tf'apwill not be availabl·e are countries where the law is very lax but which the law would treat you, I think there would be other troubles: Somalia to law students." there is one standard and that standard for example, where the law is almost will be humane. nonexistent but there are informal ways ..Judg:e Bruno Simma of enforcement that you might run into. Prof. Avi-Yonah: Worse would probably Countries where the law is pretty laxly be Saudi Arabia, or some place like that, enforced for minor stuff, probably the where drinking is illegal period. Then, Netherlands is about as laissez-faire as being drunk in public would be a sure Judge Simma: Hmm. Well, you you can get in Europe at least -while it's indication that you had been breaking might be aware that there may be some still safe. What you want to look for is a the law. slight differences in the readiness of law country where the law is relatively lax but enforcing officials to make use of their where serious crime is not prevalent. Possession of a Controlled weapons. In that regard, I would very Substance much prefer to do this in a country in Jay Surdukowski: The basic lesson which police do not carry fire arms at all, here is to not travel to Saudi Arabia, Prof. Avi-Yonah: Singapore is definitely which apparently is still the case at least Uzbekistan, North Korea, Syria, or the the worst; they would certainly put you in in the U.K. At least on the television series Upper West Side for spring break jail. The Netherlands would probably be that I know, they are all very friendly the best. There it is practically legal! looking.
Jaywalking Overthrowing a Government I know those all sound like fun, but before you go off crossing streets with Prof. Av i-Yonah: In Italy, it is perfectly Judge Simma: The question would impunity or toppling peaceful regimes, fine because everyone does it! In Japan, be whether a law student, in a state of a cautionary note about consequences. I think you might be in trouble because intoxication, could be guilty of treason. there are so many rules and regulations But, well, take your pick Maybe inquire Would one of these international that are difficult to understand relating among the population what they think spring break indiscretions end up on a to where you are supposed to cross the of their government. Don't choose student's bar applications? street. I could never follow them. Also, Germany because the Germans still in general, countries where people drive seem to be reasonably happy with their Prof. Avi-Yonah: Well, I would think on the left, you have to be more careful new government. If you go to France, that if you actually got yourself arrested because you instinctively look the wrong you have to decide if you want to take way all the time. out the liberal guy or the more right CONTINUED on Next Page ------111 Ji{cs®cshtc • Jlf.ehrua� 21, 200.6 CONTINUED from Previous Page
and convicted then it might. If it happens abroad, presumably there is some chance that nobody would ever know about it; but you, yourself, are supposed to disclose stuff like that when you fill out your bar applications. If somebody who is a recommender knows about it, they are supposed to disclose it. In general, I don't think it is a good practice to put yourself in situations where you have to lie on an officialdocument in order to get something done, because you never know. It may be discovered later and you may be disbarred, and it is not a pleasant situation to face. I would try to avoid getting into trouble in the first place.
Sound advice, but law students are
notorious for not listening, so there are Star fans Will Wa rner, Steve Botsfone, and Danny So to. going to be times when the merde does hit the ventilateur. Thus, we close our Guide STARRY, from Page 3 with these surefire quips to help you positively glowed, thanks in no small hesitant to make her fans wait any longer. doninlzas your way out of those unwanted part to wisely-chosen colors and bold "One question, Star, just one question!" internationalprosecutions. makeup. Her eyelashes looked and the star-struck reporter persisted, "what fluttered like the wings of a butterfly, advice do you have for graduating law Fraught in France? Assuage the angered and her large ring sang softly in the students?" Matre'd with: "Vous avez raison, les escargots fluorescent light. sont les mieux sans le ketchup. " Her first response showed her quick "There were only three women on wit, as she pushed back with, "Law For the troubled traveler in Mexico, use: my flight, so if you're looking for a man, students shouldn't spend their time at "Yo bebi el vasa. " get on a plane to the Super Bowl!" Her book-signings with authors who already opening joke having been met with have their degree." After realizing that Trapped in Torino? Respond: knowing laughter that would shake the questioning would not end on that "Naturalmente sto fumando! Sono parte the walls of Jericho, Jones-Reynolds note, Jones-Reynolds finally unleashed della squadra Bobsled Giamaicano. " briefly addressed the crowd before the compassion: "My advice for third settling into her chair. She said that she year law students is that they work hard Irked them in Iran? Try: "Fil-haqiqan, "hopes Shine will provide an outlet," in to pass the bar [exam]. I went to law ana min al-Canada." addition to shopping guides and self school in Texas, took the New York bar assessment tests. The self-proclaimed and passed it on my first try, and was diva showed her dog, Pinky, whom she eventually prosecuting homicide cases Nate Kurtis is a 1L who will be spending said accompanies her on all her travels. at the age of twenty-seven. So make sure most of his break reading casebooks. Questions, (Mr. Reynolds was not present.) She sat you focus on passing that exam, because comments, or pictures of things he is missing down, picked up a pen, and smiled at it will reflect highly on you upon entering out on may be sent to [email protected]. No Bette Caminker. any legal market." other warrantees expressed or implied.
But before Bette could speak to Star As her security detail observed from • Jones-Reynolds, before the mobility a reasonable distance, Jones-Reynolds impaired elderly broughttothe frontcould then turned once again to Caminker, and meet their idol, an RG correspondent was uttered those four hoped-for words: "And there. Jones-Reynolds said she would what's your name?" be happy to speak with a representative of that reputable news source but was •• · ------�� �=1==4=====�== �= �· ·=!t====��==cs==® =c=s=ta= c==·==�=cln==u=a=r=y=2=1,= 2=D=D=6======�� �� ;'tlllU PRil8�Wl:Ril
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l. Vi etnamese language 6. Taxi 9. Showers 14. Closing stanza 15. Hasten 16. American Oil Co. 17. Access Hollywoodco-host l8.Not young 19. Indian viceroy 20. Weltanschauung 22. Russian rulers 23. Hearing organ 24. Sound reflection 26. Gun type 30. Hailing from Greece's capital 34. Tug 35. Sacred table 36. Mineral 37. Medieval torture device 38. More sick 39. Again 40. Before 41. Open 42. Spine 43. Early Italian civilization 45 . Monetary 12. Atmospheric research org . 46. Groovy 13. Cries 47. Spoil 21. Tub 48. Frown 25. Scorch 51. More lewd 26. Shopping or crime, e.g. 57. Watered fabric 27. Two pints 58. Gone 28. Sore 59. Lips 29. Breed 60. Water jars 30. Poe's middle name 61. Last day of wk. 31. Foot with four syllables 62. Inside out 32. Sports facility 63. Sharp inhales 33. Staircase support 64. Lakshmi 35. Hindrance 65. Genders 38. Highland Peruvian dwellers 39. Oohs and DOWN 41. Hopeless 42. Groups l. Cat sound 44. Open, as in presents 2. Reverse 45. Air cooler 3. Excess 47. Muslim scholar 4. Head 48. Los Angeles hazard 5. Those who gild 49. Soda 6. Group of singers 50. Olive and Canola 7. Int'l Lottery org. 52. Distant 8. Small child, fo r one 53. Posses 9. Cowpoke 54. Wild goat 10. Online bookstore 55. Ireland 11. Midwestern state 56. "Doh !"
Answer Key on Page 16 ------lll �Res (li}esta:e • JlfchruarlJ 21, 2006 1sll WALLACE, from Page 6 this poem orders existence around the blackbird. This poem strings the universe Question on the Qu ad: together. All of experience is com1ected within these thirteen vignettes-mankind "What would your and nature are linked in inexplicable ways: "A man and a woman and a self-portrait look like?" blackbird IAre one" and Reporting by Dan Clark and Jay Surdukowski I know noble accents And lucid, inescapable rhytluns; But I know, too, That the blackbird is involved In what I know.
Wallace Stevens built cathedrals of the mind. His work is testament to art's empire; art is everything in his cosmology, the imagination supreme. One of his most famous poems, "Anecdote of the Jar," is the tale of a discarded jar in the hillside of Tennessee:
Anecdote of the Jar Jesse Calm, 31 Heidi Manshreck, 31
I placed a jar in Tennessee, "My self portrait would be 75 feettall and ''I'm swimming in a sea of awesomeness." And round it was, upon a hill. would be constructed of writhing naked It made the slovenly wilderness women wearing bow ties." Surround that hill.
The wilderness rose up to it, And sprawled around, no longer wild. The jar was round upon the ground And tall and of a port in air.
It took dominion every where. The jar was gray and bare. It did not give of bird or bush, Like nothing else in Te1messee.
The jar is the most concentrated existence in the scene, it is the power of invention, it conquers everything in site with its compact ingenuity, its strange grace. It is trash, don't forget. But it is our trash, our creation, a little of our Barney Eskandari, 31 Eric ''The" Krause, 31? humanity. It is the reference point. It is The Sign. It is the poem. It is the "Ah, fuck you." "Well, obviously I don't have a shirt on foothold of mankind against the wild and I have a roast beef sandwich in one black night of the universe-- [Query what QQ did to provoke the ire of hand, a red bull vodka in the other, my this good man, a man who has wowed and pants are hanging off the hips, and there's Jay Surdukowski is a 3L. E-mail comments challenged the Law School community with a pensive look on my face. " about this article to rg®umich.edu. his poignant Halloween costume commentaries on the two most salient r�ference points of the President'sfo reign policrj since 2003: Saddam This one goes out to all our ladies who be hauing Hussein and Jesus Christ. Query fo llowed by babies without no drama. • the same response.] 21\.es Qi;.esht.e • Jlfclrruar y 21, 2006 11�------
WLIA's S:kess Mana�emeot Workshopc i aod Networking ltecepeon w /\'VLAM (WomenLaw ye��As Ap13etizenste he Served! WOMEN'S WEEK 2006: March 6-10 Looking For Insights Into Upper-Class Course MONDAY, MnrdJ 6 PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS TO SEXUALHARA SSMENT Selection? Marth 6, 1 2:20-1:20, Hutchins Hall, roo1n 1 50 Mon., Mar. 13, 12:20 pm If?om eners attomqs describe their experiencr!S addressingSC;).'Ual han:t.Ssmenl in the legalpro ftssiOII, both 138 HH p onallyand through liti!f iting harassmmt cases, ande offerpmctital c adi,il"efor stztdimts. Co-sponsortid ftyUS S and Offic of Career Servi es OPENING RECEPTION,Mo,nth y evening, details TBA TUESDAY, March 7 The Entertainment Media and Arts WOME..N UNDER IHE NEWSUPREME COURT Law Student Association Man;IJ 7, 12:20-1:21), Hutrhins Hall, room 150 (EMALSA) Presents: Proftssot'S fiVhitman and Hills diJrtl.rspast and tljJcoming Sttpt"eme Court cases affet"ti1Jg women} rights, and disct�ss hon' lhe JUWmak.Mtp of th.e Supreme Court will or will not affect 1J1ome11 } rights mukr constittt#onal km� Trevor Whiff en and Gordon Kirke U7EDNESDAY, March 8 BAR:RlERSAND SOLUTIONS FOR WOMEN INPROFESSIONAL LlFJE Speaking about sports management Manw 8, 12·20·1.-2(), Hutchins Hall, room 150 and the distinctions between acting Om!yi, Shipi011 professorof Business Lawat Ross School of Busit:ess, ib'illpre smt her reselilrf)h on barriers and solutionsfor women in professional l!fo . as anagent, manager, and a lawyer. IHURSDAr; March 9 Thurs., Feb. 23, 12:15 pm, 150 HH MULTIPLE LAYERS OF IDENTITY·M INORJ'TYfWOMEN IAIF/YERS Manw 9, 12:20-1:20, Htttvhins Hall, room 150 W'I.SA BARNIGHT, 7:00pm, Ftrll Mvon, at S. M,linand "'"'t7Shitlgtlm Sts. Judicial Clerkship FRIDA]� March ro Applicatioo Meeting SERV ICE DA Y Sqfo House, 1 2:00-J,•OOpm. e-mail Emijy at elitznet@umich. edtJ to sign up . \Ved., Feb. 22, Ta ke afe u• hottrsout ofyo11r week to help victims of domestic ·t'ioltnce along with other volunteers. 12:15 pm Sp onsored fry the Women Lm' S/ftdentAisocintirm. E-mail Tr ag• t1f [email protected] 250 HH