6i,rozoo 1 ox .tt (PRO(3RAM #15 REVISED SCRIPT

AMERICAN TOBACCO CCMPANY(~-O . 77Q PRCGRAM

SUNA4Y JANC,ARY 2 1955 CBS 4•oo - 4 :30 PM PST (Transcribed - Oct . 22, 1954)

CAST : Jeck Benny Rochester iBnnis Dey Don Wilson Sportstren Quartet Cherlie Begby Joe Besser Bee Bensdaret 1491 Blsnc Artie Auerback Jinvny Baird Jeanette Eymann

RM

Rrxo 1 oo 2 o 3 oo I ..,---- -

THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY -A-

JANUARYC2,B1955 PROGRAM" i'r~9 QfIIi •INf~~

WI[BON : TF E JACK BBMRY PROGRAM . . . transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike, the cigarette that's

toasted y4 taste petter! (TRANSCRIBED : "If you went better taste from your cig-a-mette, CALYPSO VERSION OF Lucky 3trike. is the brand to get! 50H0-3? SDO .) IT'S TOASTID to give you the best taste yet,

It's the toasted (CIAP . . . CLf+P, CLAP)

oig-e-rette .

They take rj= tobacco, it's light tobacco,

it's p Ud_ tobacco, too,

Then IT'S TOASTID, yes, IT'S TOASTED,

because the toasting brings the flavor right through . So, to get better taste from your cig-a-rette,

Lucky Strike is the brand to get!

IT'S TOASTED to give you the best teste yet,

It's the toasted (CLAP . . . CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-rette!"

WILSON : This is Don Wilson, . Dorothy Collins --

The Sweetheart of Lucky Strike -- just gave you

the key to deep-down smoking enjoyment . $et ert

taste . And that's vrhere a Lucky really clicksl

A Lucky tastes better because IS/MNT -- Lucky

Strike means fine tobacco . . . fine, light,

naturally good-tasting tobacco .

(MORE)

6 rx 01 00 2 0 3 0 1 'NE AMERICAN TOBACCO C06ffANY -B- 'TAE JACK BNNNY PROGRAM" ;,19 JANUARY 2, I955 OPINIIi6 COMh1ERRCIAL (CONTINOID)

WIL40N : And then, that tobacco is y4@,gygQ. IT'S TOASTED -- (CONT'D .) the famous Lucky 3trike process -- brings a

Lucky's fine tobacco to its peak of flavor . . . . tones up a Tucky's naturally good-tasting tobacco

to make it taste even better . . . cleaner, fresher,

smoother . So, pick up a carton of better-tasting

Lucky Strike . I know you'll $g jaDpy . . . if YOU

Qg Luckvl

RN

RTYS09 0020302 -1-

(AFTER CCNAQ';RCIAL, ORCIN:STRA HPPS CPENING THFME, ABOUT gIX OR EI BARS, THIN JACK BREAKS IN .) JA , ftold it, Bob . . . . Hold it, hold it~ (MUSIC STOPS)

is BOB : )rk,(,What it, Jack? JACK : Bob, it's almost air time . Can't you do something about 7 ~. the ~

BCB : A~Qk,What's wrong with 'em? //' wc-1, . ~/ JACK: What's wrong with 'em~ . .Bagby a playing the piano lying

down . . . . Bridwell is blowing confetti through his clarinet . . .end look at Sammy the drummer, weaving around up

there . . .If he doesn't fall off that stand before the

show is over, I'll eat my hat . BOB : Well,'Jack,'you didn't expect the boys to oome in sober

this soon after Now Years Eve, did you? JACK : Bcb . . .I don't expect them to come in sober after Ground

Hog dey . . .But this is ridiculous . . .Look at them . .I I on y o eeanLt ve a red h~s~ is BCB• Yeah, he's a cream de mint men . JACK: I don't care what he isj . .We'rstarting a New Year, Bob,

and I want you to tell -baikbW those new rules we . discussed . BCB : Ncw ? JACK : Yen_ .CA I if~Bab,~ll 'em. BOB :ff.-ep, Ckay :'

(SOUND : RAPPING OF BATON) RM

flTX01 0020303 1 '/~ ~j -~2-

BOB : (UP) A'ITENTION, FELTAWS . . . . ATTENTION . . .WE'RE STARTING A NEW YEAR AND WE'LL ALL GEP AIAN6 BEPfER IF "'

(SOUND : BIG CRASH OF DRUMS AND CYFffiALS. FALLING)n

JACK : I IINEW IT 404EMPW. . .I RNLEYf HE'D FALL OFF : . . . HelpiM* up . :N~„ ahe~d wltsh thKCe rules,~Bob.I 02 . BOB : 0 ON FELLOWS, I 'M°".~ YOUd^ALL ' ANT m .Y. ~ 0 'lW STAND, SO LISTIN CA ONE . . . •

IYtRING THE COMING YENR YOU WILL AIY BE REQUIRED TO

A1•l'IQD EACH AND EVERY REHEARSA L . . . . AND NO FKCUSE WILL BE

ACCEPTED UNLESS IT IS SIGNED BY EITHGR YOUR DOCTOR OR YOUR WARDEN .

JACK : That's telling 'em .

BOB : RULE NUMBER TWO . . .FROM NOW ON, WHEN I LIFT MY BATON,

THAT'S THE SIGNAL FOR YOU TO START PLAYING, NOT DRINKING .

BAND : (IAUD BOOS . . .BOO . . . . B000) JACK : (I 1ew het one would go over big) _~ .

BOB : _ NOW ~~ORE W~F~O ON THE AIR, I KNOWAZYOU WANT TO ~-, 'AITRy, SO IF ANY OF YOU HAPPEN TO BE

IN PCS3E8SION OF A BOTTLE OF SPIRITS, I w4R~RnLI E-YJOU TO ~-~ --• TNRCW IT IN THIS WASTIDASY,El' . . . . ALL RIGHI'A LEPrS GET ST-4FPF'~ . -

(SOUND: BOTTLES START FALLING IT1T0 BASKEP ONE AT AT TIME. . .TFEN A CASCADE OF THEbI . . .TI$V PAUSE . . .AND A COUPLE MORE ARE DROPPED IN)

RM

80 1 00 2 0804 Rr 1 -3-

JACK : WsrIL, RNriIIZY DROPPED NIS IN, WHO'S NID[T? . . . How about -- DON : Rey Jack, come on,wiil you, come on . JACK : Don, let go of my ann .

DON : But we're going on the air irvfi few minutes . JACK : So we're going on the a1r . . .wVbat are you so excited about? You've beeq ~umpy all afternoon .

DON : (GROM.PY) it's tha4diet my doctor~1gave me . .I'm not

allowed candy, cake, pie, potatoes . .,~lean't eat anything

I 1:JCe and it's making a nervous wreck out of me . JACK : Gee, that's svful . . .vhen did you go on this diet? DON : I start tcaorrov . ~ JACK : Well, Don . .if St bothers you so much before yove m even started, maybe, you'd better forget about it .

DON : I cee't . I made a New Years resolution to lose a

hundred pounds thie year .

JACK : Row much? DON : A tundred pounds . JACK : Don . . . .Don . . .I've known you for twenty-three years and the

on17 time a hundred pounds ever left your body was when

you :r.d your tonsils removed . . .Remember, they weighed fifty Jounds each .

N : 1U vYeat, w soon as I ceme to, I had to get off the table so 3ar could 11e down .

ne minute till air time, Jack . JACK : Oica7, vnere are the scripts, Don? DON : I heven't tot 'em . ~ JACK : Well, where are they? We're going on the air :

BR

arxo I oo 2 o 3 o 5 -4- _L -_ __k , BCB : \Re1ax, Jack . . .here oomes the clerk from the mimeograph department, he's got 'em .

JACK : Well, it's about time . Say fellow why am you always bringing in the scripts at the last minute?

BESSER : Because I'm busv. I'm busv .

JACK: But you bad plenty of time . 8C3SER : Plenty of time, he eays . . .It's not that easy . I M gotta type the~~e~c_ri~pt, make a stencil, ink the machine, put the paper in~ ~u :rn the handle . . .I have to do everything m eif t re' n orRanization, nothing is o~nized . C JACK: ~ alsce i~j ....-.~.Q . .- e-...-">

BESSER : Everything t a rush ,j6b, first they.,.c..q!me ~wit.h.[-V1,Ihs.~AeCm~os and a Andy script, then Our 1Y Bmoly{'p, then JolI oftem g then

your lousy script . . . JACK : What? BESSER :^Then .

BESSER : -- I told you -- them's no organization .

JACK : Look, I'm going on the air in a minute and I can't be

bothered with your problems, so go already

: I'm going, I'm going . . BE4SER

JACK : Goodbye . -~ ~

BESSER : Coodb e. .~.-rye' B~vtfdTe so exceable~ .~-- .~-• •,~

(SCCND : DOOR CIqSES) JACK : iYC . .Now everybody hoilers at me . . . before Christmas

-• they're all such angeis . . .SOmetimes I' think---

BH

0020306 ATDftl7 I -5-

DON : Oh-oh, Jack, we should be on the air now . . .ve're five seconds late .

JACK : But we can't be . . .the producer is supposed to give me the

signal . . . . Whera ls he? Why isn't he in the booth? . . . . There's no oraanization .

DON : ~~A 6~,There he comes now, Jack . JACK : Okay . . .hit it, Bob . (BAND PL9Y8 OPfiNING TEEME UP AND DdAN) DON : THE WCKY STRIl(E PROGRA[d, STARRING JACK BENNY . . .WITH MARY LIVINGSTON, ROCIESTBR, , BOB CROSBY, AND "YOURS TRUi.Y" DON WILSON . (APPIAUSE . . .MGSIC UP AND DOWN)

DON : IADIN,4 AND GENTLEMEN, ALTHOUGH NEW YFARS EVP IS BERIfm US . .

THE STRAINS OF "SHOULD OLD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT" LINGER

ON . . . .SO RIGHT NOW I'D LIl(E TO BRING YOU ONE OF THE OLDEST

ACQUAINTANCES I KNOW . . .AND HERE HgIS, JACK BRNNY .

(APP7AUSF6 )

JACK :QThank 61ou, thank you, thank you . . .Heilo again, this is

) Jack Banny tallcing . . .and Don, ordinarily I'd get back at you for that corny introduction, but we're starting a New-

Year so I'm going to forgive and forget . DON : You are? JACK : Yer, I'm wiping theClq,te~clean . .p,nd,I'm golpg to start by paying up all my old fY~~,~-1-~rter I

borrowed from you last June when we ate at the drug store . . You remember that . \.

BH

fiTK01 002030? -6- R< thanks . . .Now how about thebten -MVMM I won from BOB : Oh yeej ) you on the Rose Bowl game yesteiday? JACR :J~,That's~,,,That's this year^ you'il have to wait untii 1956 for that . BOB : y~ 40 Jack that )~he clrosapest ---

JACK :Ou1NO no, Bob, we're not going to have any bickering this

year . The peopl .e are tired of insults, name-calling, and all that rowdy, old-hat comedy . From now on we're going

to do only sophisticated humor . .We're going to have suave,

smooth, high-Ala-- ( 0 : SAME BIG CRASH OF DRUMS APID CYAIDALS) ~,~,. JACK : i ~ ., T HIM IAY THERE . . .~; As f was saying, we're going to do suave, sophisticated, smart comedy . ,

DON : Gee, I'm sune going to miss Dennis

: % -,No, I already discussed this with Dennis,. JACK and he promised

to be a completely diff ere nt person this year . ~ BOB:~h.llBut Jack, do you think~Dennis can reaily change?

JACK : Weil, he said he would, and after the talk I gave him, I

think he wiii . I know if he puts his mind to --

DSNNIS : Hello, everybody .

JACK : Oh hslio,~~t,~~w~ii-• @w~ii-•@ ve vere j ust talking about you . . .How are you, Dennis? -

DENNIS : (JUST LOOKS AROUND NONCHALENTLY AND DOHSN'T ANSWER)

JACK : Dernis, how are you?

DENNIS : (KEBPS LOOKING AROUNI))

JACK : Dennis, I'm talking to you . DENNIS : No, you're not . JACK : Then who am I talking to?

BH

0 00 RTYS 1 20306 1 -7-

DENNIS : Julius . JACK : What? -

IIENNIS : I to~i,d,~ you I'd be a different person this year .

JACK : ~~;So you changed you .name to Julius, eh?

DENNIS : Yeah . . .That's my last name . JACK : Your last name is Julius? What's your first name?

DENNIS : Orange .

JACK : Hov cut that out . . . Orange Julius . Imagine naming

.J ycuself after a drink .

DENNIS6h,I vas gonna call myseif Lipton Tea but I didn't know what

t:e 'IT" stood for .

JACK : MwS top it, will you . . Here it is the first show of the

cav year 41 C-rightaway you gotta aggravate me . . I don't

kncv why I even talk to you . . .Now iet's just have your sccc .

DENNIS : Sorry, Julius doesn't sing .

JACK : K.Mt? DENNIS : Sat iie does birdcalls . . .Here's the Australia Woodwobbler . . (JC'S BIRDCALL) .

JACK : i dcc't care what he does , just sing . ~ .

~ JACK : (AA'~i.'9IF3) Orange Julius . . . .some sophisticated show I'm

running .

(DENNIS'S SOiiG) (APPIAIISE)

(iiYf09 0020309 I (SECCPID~ RaoUT~RE) -8-

JACK :\" That was . . .and very~t, ) too, Julius .

DENNIS : You can call me Crange . JACK : Look kid, let's just forget about that . I was wrong to expect you to be any different . A person 3ust doesn't c~tange over night . IIENNIB:~+" M3~h- ~~+"M3 father did. JACK : Fe did?

DENNIS : Yeah, he woke up this morning and he was a new man . You should've seen him . He went up to my mother and-L- said, "First you're gonna make my breakfast, then you're going to wash the floor .,,after that you're going to . ir~n aLl my clothes, and when you're thzough with that, ycu're going to shine my shoesl" JACK : Well, it's about time your father asserted himself . . .I'd liice to go over and congratulate him.

DENNIS : We11, it's not far, he's at Cedars of Lebaqon .~.~ JACK: WeLl Dennis, wish him a Happy New Year for me ww et's set or, with the -- DCN : Say, dack, I tried to get you a11 New Year's Day . Where were you?

JACK :~~ I was at the Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena . .,it was a beautiful sight .

DCN: Did you go alone ? Jeorm JACK : tio, I had my date with me from New Year's Eve, and Rochester drove us down there . ~I~PC~it (jee, didn't you have to wake up awfb.lly early to get

to Pasadena in time?

CL

1 1 Rrxo oozos o I -9-

JACK :It wasn ' t so bad . .Let me tell you about it . . .I set

the alarm for three thirty A .M . . . . at a quarter of four we

picked up my date . . .(FADE) and by four o'clock we were on our way. (50Ufm : FADE IN LOUSY CAR MOTOR . . .UP FOR A FEN SECONA9 . . .THEN DOWN)

BEA : Gee, the fog really rolls in at this hour of the morning .

I can't see more ct~h~a-n- twenty feet in front of me .

JACK: Really, Gertrudq!{ .I can see that street light at the end of the block . . .CRofchester, what can you see? ROCH : NOTHING, MlC EYES ARE STILL CIASED . JACK : Well, open 'em, you're driving . And don't look so crabby . ROCH : BOSS, AT FOUR4WWWIN THE MORNIIiG EVEN LIBERACE AIN'T SMILING . JACK: (MIMICKING) Four in the morning . .big deal . .Wherets your vitallty . .Gertrude and I were out celebrating last night and here we sre wide awake and full of pep .

REA : Yeah, and we're older : Speak for yourself, John. JACK . BEA : Get him? Whose idea was it to call it a night at ten- thirty? . . .The joint was just starting to jump .

JACK :X~PWhat's the difference? While I was there, I was the life of the party,, ~-<--~ 4 7

HBA : Scxne life . . . (SILLY LAUGH) JACK :',What's so funny?

BEA: You tried to l,ook so debonaire drinking hot chocolate out ` of my slipper .

CL

Arxo1 0020311 JACK: I only did that for a gag„Anyway, you'11 have to admit . that I showed you a swell time at that nlghtclub ., .Why I had you out on that dance floor every minute .

BEA : Anything to keep me from eating . JACK : You ate, Sister : . . .And how you ate . I suppose that T-bone steak was a mirage . . .The last time I saw anyone wrestle meat that way, he had a branding iron .

BEA : Very funny.

JACK : *it, I6rB never Vftr. so embarrassed in ell my life.

Everyone was looking at us .

BEA : They weren't looking at me, they were Looking at gou in

. that old tuxedo .

JACK : Old tuxedo . -

BEA : Your pants were so tight you had to wear your garters on

the outside .

JACK : }6nmm . BE1 : Now I suppose you're gonna pout all day 'oause I told you off . JACK: I'm not gonna pout . . . . (SOUPm : CAR STARTS . .MOTOR UP, TfM-N D4rlN)

BEA : Gee, the fog is lifting . . JACK: Yeahz=WM looks like it's going to be a beeutlful day . Hey, Rochester, msybe you ought to put he to d .20«K• ~ ROCH : OH BOSS, IET'S NOT PUP THE TOP DOWN, JACK: Why not?

ROCH : IT'S SO MUCH TROUBIE TAKING DOWN THE CENTER POLG AND

~ PIIId.ING OiJT THE pEGS . .

JACK: Oh yes, I forgot ., .This is the new one I bought ot the

Army Surplus Store .

Arx 01 0020 3 12 1 RGCH : YEAH . . .THE FiAP STILL SAYS "F]ETD HEADQUAATERS, GENERAL RIDGFNAY" . JACK : Yeah. HEA : How far are we from Pasadena?

RGCH : ABOUT TEN MILES . JACK : Oh, we'll be there in no time . (TRANSITIGN MUSIC)

(SGUfID : CAR MOTOR CHU3GING AIANG) JACK : Well, here we are in Pasadena-4JjLiCC only took us an hour and a half .

ROCH : THAT'S PRETTY GOOD TID7E . JACK : Youtre darned right, considering we had to change a tire . SEA : Yeah. . .where can I wash this grease off my hands? JACK : Just wipe it on this rag . . .Say the wayA traffic is getting thicker, we must be getting ~--

(SGII6ID : CAR STOPPING) JACK : Rochester, why are you~pping?

ROCH : THEHE ' S AN OFFICER AT ~ INTERSECTION . HE ISN - T

LE'ITTL7 ANYGNE TH RGUGH.

BEA : Say, that's Colorado Doulevard . . .that ' s the one the parade comes down . (MARCHING MUSIC APPRCACHING) JACK : Gee, she's right . . .Hey look, there comes a float .

BEA: Where, where, where? .

JACK : Right o ver there . . .it ' s the "Official Tournament of Roses" float.

HEA : And look at the four drum majors riding on it .

JACK : Yeah, I think they ' re going to sing .

RTX 0 1 0020313 (INiRO TO AtMRICAH PATROL) -12-

QUART : WF?N YOU AEAR THAT DRUMMIN' ( YOU WIIS. IINOd WE'FE COMING AND TH6 IACKY STRIINS ARE ON PARALE THM'S NFsVRR A SLIP

AND WE NEVER TRIP

SO PERFECT ARE WE MAUE

YOU CAN HEAR THAT BEAT

A'COMING DOdN THE STREEP

YOU OUG~HT TO GET IN STEP WTTH LUCKY STRIId;

LLUKY STRIfm IS TOABTSD

~ IT'S T'r E ONE CIGARL•iTE YOU'LL LIKE

SO ROUND AND FIRM AND FULLY PACK6D

AND J"LZT AS MILD AS IT CAN BE

:u HAPPY AND GO LWKY STRI10;

AO SMOKE ANL5 M F T

AhU WFr.'N YOU HEA .R THAT "SOLD AMERICAN"

3Y'3fiY TOM AND DICK AND HARRY CAN LIGIl` A LUCRY AND START PUFFIN' ~N03{IiG BEATS A LUCKY STRIKE

C?2.n'°,v THRU AND THRU

?~iLUH PRESRER, TOO

SO CIL+,R TAE WAY IT'5 LUCKIES DAY

L S MF T 1, 3 M F T, L5 M F T, L S MFT . FCR TN_A ~RICH ~TAST& OF FINE TOBACCO

YOU ARE SURE TO LIlM

: IS NOTHIN HALF AS GOOD AS T3.r~•.R PUFFIN ON A LUCKY STRIKE . LS MP T, L3 MF T . (APPIAUSE)

AiXU1 0020314 I (THIIID ROUTIN~E)~ -lj-

JACK: Say,~ thet as great, wesn't St . . . . NOw back up, Rochester

. . . .we better hurry and find a plece to park . ROCH: I CAN'T BACK UP, BOSS . . .TfERE'S FIbTY CARS LINED UP

BEHIND L8 . ~A

JACK : Gee, A Ff we can't go forward , ~K^--••

BEA : Well, we're not staying here, are we?

JACK : No, this is ridiculous . I'm gonns talk to that officer, meybe he'll let us go through .

(SOUND : CAR DOOR OPENS)

JACK : I'll be right back .

(SOUDID : CAR DOOR CIpSES . . .F00TSTEPS . . . BABBLE OF

CRCdD)

JACK : It certainly is crowded here . . .I've never seen such aa

mob . . :'AW Y~eelly have to fight your way through here with

MEL: (IYiUNK) Say, pardon me, Mister . JACK: Huh?

MEL: " -Did you see my wife?

JACK : Your wife? MEL : (STARTI:D TO CRY) Yeah, I can't find her anywhere . . . I've 1 oke a1 over nd I can't find her . G~i ~; n r~..-_.t_ JACx: MEL : But we've been merrled for twenty year,s . .~~y~.We -got along so nice and we never even hed a fight . 4p.I just gotta find ~p her . JACK:61-R,I'm sure you'll find her . How longhes she been missing? MEL : Nineteen years .

BR

801 flT 0020395 1 JACK : . . . .Nineteen yearws, 1a[W you're still looking? ( MEL : I just started . ."SoPtong, Buddy . JACK : So long . MEL : CHIAE, . .

~ (SOUND ; FOOP8TEP8)

JACKY~*1,It'e~~ .some people really have their troubles . . . .

Now where's that policeman, . .Oh, there he is . . . . 8ay, Officer

. . . .Officer . -/1' 4 ARTIE : Whet can I do for --- WWJ it's you, Mr . Benny.

JACK : Why, Mr . Kitzel : (APPLNUSE) JACK : Mr . Kitzel, what are you doing in a policemen's uniform? . ARTIE : Arresting people, what else?

JACK : Butthis is such a surprise . . .I mean, did you

' give up your other work?

ARTIS : No, this is edditiott# . . .Every year for this parade I am a deputy .

JACK : Oh, I see . Do you like it? . ARTIE : It's very pleasant . . .especially when my brother-in-law comes by, . .Lest year d'-d I give him a ticket .

JACK : You really ~~ot ~h'!.jp eh? ARTIE : H00 H00 HOO~ . .~J~wrote him up for speeding, making a

U-turn, 4555ft•l. br akes, a defective horn, end faulty , heed ights .

JACK~! O~,hat must have cost him plenty . AATIE : It would have bct,unfortunately, I couldn't make it stick . JACK: Why not? ARTIE : He wes walking .

BR

Ar 9 o 1 oo 2 o 316 J.G .N . 11 ~RCGRAM I/1 REVISED SCRIPT

AMFAICAN TOBACCO CGMPANY

_UJCKY STRIICE THE JACK BffiM PRCGRAM

SUNDAY JANUARY 9, 1955 CBS 4 :00 - 4 :3o PM PST

(Transcribed oct . 23, 1954)

CAST : Jack Benny Roohester Dennis Day Don Wilson gportsmen Quertet Sam Hearn Veola Vohn Benny Rubin

L

CB

Rr 901 0 0 20 317 I SEl #A THE AMERICAN TOBACCO CO~IPANY "THc JACK BpYiNY PRiA~i2AM' fil January 9, 1955 S Y 7 :00-7 :30 PM FST UNDA OPENING COMMERCIAL WII30N : THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM . . . transcribed and presented by LUCKY STRIILg . . . the cigarette that's toasted to taste better! (TRANSCRIDID If you want better taste from your cig-a-rette, COLLIN:t WITH FULT. Lucky Strike is the brand to get! ORCH . B .G .) IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet . It's the toasted (CLAP . . . CLAP, CLAP) oig-a-rette

ey take fine tobacco, it's yig}7,F tobacco, i

1 Cku obaoco, too . / Then IT'S TOAS yes, IT'S T .k~.ds~i

because the toasting b the flavor right through.

So, to get ter taste from your cit-'s -rette, huokvs the brand to get!

TOASTED to give you the best taste yet,

It's the toasted (CLkP . . .CL9P, CLAP) cig-e-rette ?

WILSON : This is Don Wilson . I'd like you to listen to just the last part of that song once again .

(TRAN:CRIB ED COLLIN: : It's the toasted (CIAP . . .CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-rette! WITH FULL ORCH . B .G .)

CB

19 rxoi 0020 3 1 e THE JACK SNRaiY PROGRAM SEP vA JANGAR7C 9 , 1955

WILSON : That's one important reason a Lucky tastes (CONT'D) better . It's toasted! The fine tobacco that goes into every Lucky is yo5stgf].to taste better . "IT'S TOASTED" -- the famous Luoky Strike process -- brings Luckies' fine tobacco to its peak of flavor -- tones up this light, mild, naturally good-tasting tobacco to make it taste even better . Cleaner, fresher, smoother . That's why we say this : if vou went real eniovment fropLVour cigarette . . . peye it Luckv Strike .

Optional :

TRANSCRIBID : If you vent better taste from your cig-a-rette, COLLINS : WITH FULL Lu okv Strike is the brand to get! ORCH . B .G.) IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet .

It's the toasted (CI4P . . .CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-rette .

CB

fiiH01 0020319 (FIRST ROUTINE) (AFTER COtERCIAL, MGSIC UP AND DOWN)

DON : THE UJCKY STRIKE PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BENNY . .WITH MARY 7.IVINGSTONE, ROCHB4TFR, DFddNIS DAY, BOB CROSBY, AND "YOURS TRULY" DON WIL40N . (APPL4USE . .MUSIC UP AND DOWN)

DON : LADIE3 AND GENTLIIAFI•1, TONIGHT JACK BENNY DOES HIS TEIEVISION SHOW, BUT MFANWHILE WE HAVE A RADIO PROGRAM TO

D0 . YOU KNOW, ALMOST EVERY MORNING BEFORE BREAKFAST JACK

TAKFS A NICE IANG WAIJC THROUGH BEVERLY HIIdS . .IT IS EARLY

IN THE MORNING AND RIGHI' NOW HE IS IN THE MIDST OF HIS WALK

(SOUPID : FOOSTEPS ON STREEP . .COUPLE OF BIRDS CfQEjPING) JACK : (EITHER SINGS OR HUMS FAJ BAIL4 OF BEAUTIFUL MORNING) ~~~Gee it's nice valking this early in the morning . .nobody is up . . everything is so quiet and peaceful .

MEL : (CHIRPS LIKE SPARROW)

(4 JACK : C ik'; isn't that cute . .That sparrow muat be building a nest, he's gathering things for it . MEL : / (SPARROW CHIRPS)

JACKaI~s„ Inok, he's cerrying a little piece of Kleenex . . .Wait a•• AiasNE. .he's not building a nest, be's wiping his eyes•wilk 1V, the smog is avful today . . MEL : (CHIRPS AND CHOK6 OR SNEEdES .)

JACK : Yep, it really is bad .

/,// (S,?O~U.N-D~: ~oFOO~T~,TEPS CONTINUE IN B .G .) JACK :L-~,But it> .3ssD~6 going outAearly . . (GSOUND :~ HORSFS HOOVAS ON PAVIIMENT WITH SOUND OF WAGON, CB

8 flt 01 0020320 1 ~-

JACK : Everything is so pretty . .I 2ewe living in Beverly Hills . . . Gosh, look at thet . .I haven't seen a horse and wagon for years . .I'11 never forget the first time I was driving in my Maxaell and we passed a horse and wagon, and my car soared the horse . . . .Come to think of it, it soared the

wagon, too . . .Ha®, the driver looka kind of familiar 0 "k^'-"`° : (CAISS) Hi ya, Rube . ._ HEARN JACK: ;ure, it's my farmer friend from Calabasses . (APPL4USB) _

JACK : iw, t are you doing osrWg here 6e Beverly Hills? HEARN : - - . .I'm on my way back home . JACK : Ch .ANW, what did you come to town for?

HEARN : Yesterday I vent down to the radio studio to appear on a

new quiz program, Take It Or Milk It .

JACK : Oh .

REAIW : But that ain't the first time I've been on radio . . .A couple of months ago my wife told me she'd like a Bendix on the

farm, so I won one and brought~~ it ~home with me . JACK : I'll bet that made her heppy~X-~-'6~ m

AEARN : Yopr, I brought home the wrong Bendix--she wented William . Hee hee hee hee . .Cet it? JACK : I got it, I got it .

HR•AR14 :1I You ain't the first sucker who fell for that one, Rube .

JACK :~/C/~I By the way, I meant to ask you something . .I've never been in ~ Celebasses . .400sift retty smell place, isn't it?

HEARN : Sure is . . They even have a special Burma Shave sign for the town . CB

flT7S09 0020321 -3-

, JACKA'Ky What does it eay? ' HE4RIV : "If you sneeze or blink Or remove your glesses, You'11 miss the town 0f_Cnalqpa~ss~es!"

JACK :X~-~W~el ,Y' I'd b er run along now . .gee you again .

AEARN : ~ So long, Rube . JACK : So long .

P (S~FOOTSTEPS . .SUSTAIN IN B .G .)

JAC\IZ -`))u~I wonder why he always calls me Rube . . _ s . .Oh vell, I better get home . ~_ ~"~ n~~ (50 : FO_ ST 0$,Q NTINUE) r 1) JACK: I wonder whose h se thdis/C9~ is ~on t corner . .Oh, it's Jane

Ruasells . 050-, she has such a high fence around it because

she takes a sun bath every day . . .(SINGS) . .9ff,=f I had the

xings of an angel . .Bhda da de da da de da . . . . .1ft, khere's

Phil Harris's house .~.~R.,,eT{iat's a nice weather vane he put

up on his chimney . . .An old Crox . .~YVhy didn't he use

a bird instead of a bottle . . .Well, I better walk a little

faster . . .I'm getting hungry .

(50UND : FOOTSTEPS PICK UP TIT1P0 AND BLi:ND INTO--) (TRANSITICN MUSIC)

(SOUNB : CUP BEING PLACID IN SAUCER . . .TnECLE OF SILVERWARE)

JACK : Ahhh . . .Rochester, that was really a good breakfast .

CS

flTM 0 1 0020322 HOCH : I'M GLsD YOU ENJOYED IT, MR . BENNY . JACK : I sure did .

HOCH : WELL, IF YOU'RE DONE FiITING, MAYBE YOU OUGHC TO CHECK THIS LIST WITH ME, I'M GOING SHOPPING . JACK : Oh, vhat do we need from the market?

HOCH : CA.tL'iED GOOI t MEATS, VF7sEPABLFS, EVERYTHING .

JACK : Well, let me see the list . . .One loaf of bread, five pounds

of sugar . . .a bottle of ketchup . . . .

-epw"VEg . .a box of corn flakes . .five pounds of flour . .three

bcxes of Jello . . . JELLO?

HOCH : YFdE, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS WE FINALLY RAN OUT! JACK : Oh. .

OCH :_ H= , I'LL GO NOW . .SEE YOU L4TER . SOUND : COUPLE FOOTSTEPS . .SCREFSI DOOR OPENS & CLOSBS) .. JACK : (SnM FEW BARS AGAIN OF "OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING") . . . .

.r~. .atfe°. --_~ _--~s -.=

(SOUND: DOOR BUZZEft)

(SOUND: FOOTSTEPS FOR FEW SECOND3 . . .D00R BUZZER AGAIN) JACK : (Ci=) Coming, coming .

(SOUND : Fffi FOOTSTEPS . . . DOOR OPINS) JACK : Oh, :.ello, Don .

DON : Hi yJac . .I came over about the commercial . JACK : Oh, 1ccme~on in . (SOUND : DOOR CIqSES.), Weit e minute . . .if you carce over about the oommerciel, vhere are the Sportsrt,en~_

CDON : I` aked them to wai ^6in the car .? .I want a to speak to

you about a personal matter first .

01 fii}S 0020323 I JACK: Oh, what is^it? 61 DON : iJellddon't^ like to trouble you with this . .but I still haven't received my salary check for last week,'s ahow .

JACK: Oh. .gee . .well, 91d you talk to my business manager?

DONyw,n .o,I couldn't . . .They're having a riot up there and the werden/ out off all communications . - JACK : ~. .lNell, maybe I can lend you some money till things settle down on the Rock,, .Row much do you need? a .

JACK : Fifty dollers . .whet the much for? DON : I'm buying a .

JACK : B n . .I only pay two dollars for a be hy, should : .Now bring the quartet in aqd let me heer the commercial .

DON : Jack, ~~~~~ 'come out to the car . . .They're all

packed up ew& they're going away . . .It'11 save a lot of trouble Oac°--- JACK : Well . . .s right . Le (SOUND: DOOR OPAT]S . . .FOOTSTEPS . . IDUD BUZZING AND CRACKLING OF ELCCTRICITY) DON : Jack . .Jack . .what's that? . ./k'- JACK :~f -,Thea .Colman's electric fence . .everytime I come out of the house, it goes on . . .8i ye, fellows . QUARP : Nm¢mi . DON : Boys, how about letting Jack beer your commercial .

CB

flT 90 7 0020324 -s-

QUART : OH WE AIN'T GOT A BARREL OF MONEY

MAYBE WE"RE RAGGED AND FUNNY

BUT WE'LL TRAVEL AIANG, SINGING A SONG

SIDE BY SIDE .

DON'T KNOW WBAT'S COMIH' TOMORROW

MAYBE IT'S TROUBLE AND SORROW

BUT WE'LL TRAVEL THE ROAD

SHARING OUR IlAD

SIDE BY SIDE . THROUGH ALL I@7L8 OF WFATHER WHAT IF TH'n SNIES SHOULD FALL JUST AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGEPHIIi - IT DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL . - WHP2I THEY' VE ALL HAD THEIR QUARR111S AND PARTED WE'LL BE THE SAME AS WE STARTID

JUST TRAVELING AIANG, SINGING A SONG SIDE BY SIDE . AS YOU KNOW WE BEFAd WORffiN' FOR BENNY THAT'S WHY WE HAVER'T A PENNY BUT WITPHIUCKIES TO PUFF WE'RE HAPPY b'P.]OUGH SIDE BY SIDE .

LUCNTrS ARE ALWAYS SO PLEASIN'

FINER TOBACCO'S THE REASON .

GIVE US UJCKIES AND NATCH

FOUR ON A M?TCH .- SIDE BY SIpE .

,.(MORE)

RT901 00203251 ~ART : LUCKY STRIKES TASTE BENPII2 (CArPA) CLFANIIi AND FRE9Fffi2 T0 0

LUCKY STRIICG3 AR1li SO biJOB SMOOT}ER

YOUR FINFST SMORE IT IS TRUE .

BEfTER TASTE IN A LBCKY WE'VE BOASTED .

ONE REASON 13 THAT IT'S TOASTED

WE WANTA REPEAT

NOTHING CAN BEAT

UJCRY STRRSE .

(APPLAUSE )

OB

fiTXOi 0020326 I -$-

(SECONDRO~II,PtItN<-G~)+ ~3--

JACK:~ Fe! lloqs, .that wesfine ~ .-IMMPWMM~ a great number on the

. program . . . . (SOIIfID : PHONE RTNGS,, .WAy OFF)

JACK: But~wi~ien you do it o ~, maybe you can get a

little more bounce and . _L n (~~ (80UND: PdONE RINGS WAY OFF AGAIN DON : Jack, Jack . . .that's your phone ringing . JACK : Oh my goodness and Rochester isn't home . .0, : PH~(ONFi, AAAIN OFF ) 6-s ~ -~... A~(~ JACK : ~ I better run 15 etu7-Ka~ns•-w~e=r-it . . .so long, fellows .

(SOi1PID : RUNNING FOOTSTEPS AND PHONE RINGING

DrPEHMTTTENTLY AND OETTING LOUDER TILL

__FINALS.Y-RECEIVPsRObE3-GFF HDOKAN_: JACK

ANSWERS PANTICI'i HEAYILY)

JAOK : (PANPING) Hello . HERB : Hollo . . .can youtell me .rhet television program you're watching now? JACK: (PAlvirdG) I'm sorry, but I'm not wetching television ~p right now :ptlc, I see ., .Well,. HERB d'i you look at television lest night? JACK: Er,,,yes ., .yes, I did . HERB : Would you mind telling me what programs you watohed? JACK : Let's see . .er, .,,Robert Montgomery, . .and . EffRB : Well, would you mind telling me all about them, I don't heve a set .

JACK : . . .Well, Gracie wanted imAywyw a . . . Oh, +n#e, goodbye . !SOUNn : RavvIV.ER narN) JG

A i 7501 0020327 1 JACK: Of all the silly things ., .Imegine the nerve of that guy ' calling up and asking ma to tell him about television shows . . .I get the craziest phone calls . . .If I didn't

have such a good laundry business, I'd get en unlisted

number . Maybe I ought to have my name taken out of the

phone book anyway . Or at least out of the yellow pages .

I wonder if eve .

(SOUND : DOOR BlFLZER) JAC%, (CALLS AND INIRRRU?'PS HIMSBLP') CH, ROCH, .,Oh, heYgone to the store,,,(CALLS) COMINGL, .COMING . (SOBfID : ScY.~•.4AL FOOTSTEPB, . .DOOR 0 MEL : Good a ernoon, Monsieur Benny .

JACK : Why, Profe or LsBlanc . . .I didn't ~Cpect you . . .I didn't know I wes s osed to take a /vlesson today .

MEL : You are not . . .I c over~ i~e to talk to you. JACK : Certa4lly, Professor, . hat is it? MEL : Monsieur Benny . . .I ' e a chence to play first violin for the Los Ang~s Philharm ic Orchestra .

JACK: Thet's wonder/ ul, 'rofessor . there anything I can dotohelp5 MEL: Yes ., .Don't tell anyone I ever gave y violin lessons . i JACK : Oh(~+ell, in other words, you went me to ive you charecter references . M6L :st~u tell them you con't know me . JACJ~e But professor IsBlanc ., .A word from me might be v '/ helpful . After all, IM a big star .

JO

fiTH01 002032 8 1 -10-

MEL : tMonsieur Benny, in comedy circles you are considered ' one\of the biggest laugh-getters in the country . . . unfox~qnately you are considered the saY~ in music oircles,

JACK: Hn[mn. 11, at least I can wish you 3.Gck. MEL: Thank yo Monsieur Benny . JACK: When will ~ou give me my next vio in lesson? MEL : I am giving ou no more violln eseons . . .we are through ., ., finished . JACK : Well, Professor guess this is goodbye .

MEL: Yes, Monsieur Bend revoir . JACK : Just a second, Profe or, . .our essociation has been such a long one . .,and n seems to be terminating, . .so I'd like to give xtra money as a little bonus . .

MEL : No thank you, .I'd like to remember you

just the way ou are . JACK: Oh . . .well, 'goodbye, Professor . MEL: Ooodbye, onsieur Benny . SOUND : DOOR CDSBS) JACK: Oee, heven't practiced my violin in months . . .Well, I've go noth5ng to do today . . .Meybe I ough to start right no . . .(CALLS) OH, ROCkL9i'ER. . .ARE YOU BACK? ROCH: ( OMING LN) YES , SLY . JACK : I' going to do a little precticing . ./get me my violin .

ROCH: YO VIOLIN?, . .BU; BOSS, IT'S BRO: JACK : Brok ROCH: YiS, DIB 'T I'1RsLL YOU . T TIkL: YOU WETlP OUP ON

PIM.SONAL APPEARANCES, YOU S.SNT YOUR VIOLIN BACK IN YOUR

TRUNK ., .AIm WkLN I UNPAC .CD IT, I FOUND OUT IT WAS SMASH^.U. JG

Hrx 01 0 020329 JACK: My violln. . .smashed . . . ROCH : , SIR . . .IT'S BROKEN TO BITS . . .YOU'LL NEVER BE ABIS TO PliAY IT AGAIN . JACK : Well, the express company will have to pay for it .

ROCH : OH, Rs5 'LL BE ~LAD TO . JACK : Never m . .And not only will the express co for it, but will the insurance company. ROCH : WHAT DO YOU MEA JACK: Well, don't you re iber . . .when I my agent I was going to play on my pe ; on ppeerance tour, he suggssted I take out a t insurance on my violin?

ROCH : NO, 110, BOSS, THAT W ON YOU; JACK : On me? ROCH : YEAH, DON'T RFMBfR? THE BLUE CNSS TURNED YOU OPER

TO T'HB ROSS, APII) THg RED CROSS DEC PtlPR DISASTSR . JACK: Ww'll, send it out to be fixed right away . . .I t (SOUND : PHONE RINGS) ROCFC: SHALL I ANSWER IT?

JACK : No, you take care of my violin . . .I'11 answer it, (SOUND : PHONE RINGS . . .RECEI)VER UP) JACK : Hello .

I E NNIS : Hello, Mr . Benny .

JACK : Oh, hello, Dennis . DENNIS : How ere you feeling?

JACK: Fine, fine . l DENNIS : It's a nice day today, isn't it?

JG

fii901 0020330 I -I2-

JACK: It sure is . IENNIS : If it's a nice day tomorrow, will you come and visit me? JACK: . . .Visit you . . .where are you?

I 9NNI8 : In jail . JACK : (STILL CAIM AS BEFORE) That's nice . . .Now Dennis, when ~~~ you do your song next Sunday, I--- IIENNISWit/ Mr . Benny, aren't you excited or anything . I maybe here for twenty years .

JACK : Good, good . . .Now Dennis, when you do your --- DENNIS :We11, gee, aren't you worried? JACK : Denr.is, you've been calling me up with a lot of silly talk for so many years that I never believe one word you sey. . (SOUND : MAHCHING FEET START FADII~Y'i IN)

JACK : You make up the silliest most absurd things I've ever heard . . .and I'd be a fool if I thought for one minute

t*dib~ . .

I>L+NNIS : IJO got to hang up now, we're going to lunch .

JACK : Wait a minute, Dennis . . .Those marching feet . . .Dennis,

you naan you're really in jail?

DENNIS : No, Mr . Benny, I was only kidding . . .I'm at the studio . . ypw ~-e we're making a television picture ebout a prison riot J, and I'm playing the part of an escaping convict . (SOUND : GUN 5H01') DENNIS : 0ocooh . (SOUND : GUN SHOT) IISNNIS : Oooooh .

(SOUND : GUN SHOT) JG

0 RTYf 1 0020331 1 -13-

DENNIS : Oooooh . JACK : Dennis, what's happening? . DENNIS : Dress rehearsal . JACK : Oh. .oh, well, then I better hang up, . .Goodbye .

(SOUND : GUN SHCIP) lENNIS : Oooooh . . . . Goodbye . ~(SODfID : RECLIVER DOv7N) JACK : ®ie, - khat must be some picture he's making . . .Well, I®B got s lot of tLre on my hands today . . .I don't know what to do. . .Maybe I'll go out to my golf course and -- Nab, I already did a lot of walking this morning . . .I'm a little too tired to carr`y~ all those clubs . .no matter how much they tip me . .cQKCan't practice -m~y violin, it's broken . . .It's too early to go to bed . .IR think I'll go in my library and read a book .

(SOUND : COUPIB FOOTSTEPS . . . DOOR OPENS)

JG

01 fiTYS 0020332 1 -1N-

C~ JACK : Gee, IMS got lot* of books here . . .Most of them have been best sellers, too,,,Not As A Btranger .,,The Caine Mutiny . . . Here'a one . . ."I Looked and I Listened" by Ben Gross . . . "Treadmill to Oblivion" by .~it 'sure is a

good book . . .You know, it's a=mFAKrhing . . .on account of

that feud we had, so many people think that Fred Allen

hates and despises me . Unfortunately, Fred happens to

be one of those people . . .Gee, here are some books I've

saved from the time I was a kid . . ."The Adventures of

Huckleberry Finn", .,"Tom Swift and His Electric Rifl .e" . . . .

Oh, here's one that was given to me by my father . . . "What Every Boy Should Know" . . .1 remember pepe gave it to me because he was too embarrassed to tell me about the birds and the bees . .,The bees go around getting honey out of the flowers---What's so embarrassing about that? . . .Msybe I should have read the second chapter . . . Seyyyy, here's a book I hgven't reed . . ."The Mystery of The Elephant's Graveyard""./~Phat sounds like an exciting book, . .I'11 sit down and read (SOU :]0 : SITTING DQJN . . .PAGES 0F BOOK OPEN) JACK: "The Mystery of the Elephant's Grave Yard" . .Chapter One . . (MUSIC)

JO

flT 801 0 0 0 2 333 1 -15-

JACK : (FILTFR) MY NAME IS JACK STANLEY . .I AM BY BIRTH A 0. WE4LTHY HEIIi, BUT Sf DESIRE AN E%PIARER P.NDABIG GMPn HUNTHR . . .WHEN I DECIDI9 TO ILICATE THE ELEPHANT'S GRAVE

YARD I WAS WARNED OF THE MANY DANGERS LURKING IN THE

HEART OF DARKEST AFRICA . .80 I TOOK PRECAUTIONS . .FOR THE

FIr3tCE ANIMALS, I HAD A POWERFGi. RIFLE. . .FOR THE DREADID

DISEASE OF MALARIA, I HAD A HUGE SUPPLY OF QUININE . .AS'IIl

FOR TEE FIFRCE NATIVES WHO SARINK HUMAN HEADS, I HAD

MY H?AD SANFGRIZID . . .ON THE FORTY-FIRST DAY OF OUR

JOURNEY, WE WERE HACKING OUR WAY THROUGH DENSE JUNGLE

UNDFSiGROWTH WHNN SUDDENLY THE NATIVE POR'fERS STOPPFI)

AND SPA.2TED A DISCONT0FPID MURMUR .

. - (SOUND : BABBLE OF VOICES .)

JACK: I TIrRLtD TO MY PARTNER AND SAID . . . .

(RcG. iSIKE) What's vrong with the natives, Wilson? DON : I don't know, I'11 ask them. . .(CALLS) OGGA MOOGA NAGAILAH BWANA . .NAHOOL ANGARA?

MEL : Nooga nooga male . Milala henna narwel . DON : He says the men refuce to go any further . .they're hungry . . for fifteen days they've had no food or drink .

JACK : i~A-,1t's their own fault . . .I told them to join the Diner's C1ub . . .Ask him how far it is to the Elephant's Graveycrd .

DON : Naweela mooga lakoota maivah booga-booga nsrwal?

MEL : Magoowa .

MS

0 RTK 1 0020334 1 -16-

DON : He says it's three day/~ journey if you go by the mountain route, but if you teka ~ short cut by the river, it's only two days providing you don't run into the unfriendly pygmy tribes or crocodiles .

JACK: . . MagoDxa . .mQaps a11 ttlat . . . . Just magoova? ..~..-zK ~L ~/~n MEL : Pogga poona lakoota og egeilab b ana engara booga-mowa ~~`jyse-t~ oomg~kowa noola .

DON : • He~ d, "Give me~'K~ x, this smog is,/ki ll.ing me .

JACK : Oh, yes . . .He used to be a sparrow . . .Come on, let's get going . (SOUND :H4BBLE OF VOICES) The natives are restless . . .we better get them some food and quickly, too JACK : . . .come on, let's. - Okay go hunt some . (SOUND : FoOTSTEPS . .APID NOW WE FPnAR JUNGLE

NOISES . . . SUSTAIN IN B .G .) JACK : Come on . . .follow me . .this looks like a good place to hunt . . DON : Careful 90 this undergrowth . . .®i look out for those

thorns . . . they're very long .

JACK : Yeah . (SOUND : LONG LOUD RIP) JACK : Ouch! DON : Did you tear your shirt? JACK : I would have if I had a shirt on . .Anyway, I don't mind . DON : Why in the world would you take your shirt off going thi•ough this dense underbrush? JACK : Shirts cost money, skin I can grow . . .

MS

0 0 ATX 1 002 335 i -I7-

JACK : (PILTFR) THE HUNT WAS A HUGE WCCESS ., .WE GOT AN ANTEIDFi A LION, A$AFALJ AND A TIGER . .OH, I IINOW THAT TIGF3iS ARE ONLY BOUND IN INDIA, BUT THIS ONE HAD BESN ON A@UIZ PROQtAM AND HAD WON TWO GLORIOUS WEIICS IN AFRICA . .THE MEN WFRE DELIGHPED WITH TEE FOOD AND WE CAMPED THERE FOR HE NIGYS .U .OH. YOU MAY TFIINK IT SfRANGE OF NL SSYBHFF ~- THBSE HIPS ' ..E ` 0 FIP PHAIrTS' GRAVEYARD, BUT IVORY I UABLE COMMOD . T IS USED FOR MAKING ~~ STATUES, C JFWE7RY, CHESS Sc!S, H4LLS, AND TENORS' HEADS,)/! .THE NIGHP SEEMED END?ESS, I COUND NOT SLEEP . (SOUND : JUNGLE NOISES)

JACK : (FILTER) IN ADDITION TO TI& USUAL SOUPUlS OF THE JUNGLE

THE AIR WAS RE'NP BY THE ROAR OF A LION . .

MEL : (ROARS)

JACK : THE SNORT OF THE WAT'92 BUFFAIA .

MII, : (SNORTS) .

JACK : THE CHATTER OF TRE MONKEYS .

MAL : (CH4TTFItS)

JACK : THE SNARL OF THE PANTHQi ." MEL : (SNARLS) JACK : AND THE WEIRD PL4INTNG CRY OF THE GIRAFFF. . .(PAUSE) . . . THE WEIRD PL4INPIVE CRY OF THE GIHAFFE . JACK : (PAUSE . . .THr.'T] ON REGULAR MIKE) Mel? MFL. : Giraffes don't make no noise .

JACK : J

JACK : (FILTI€d) THE LAUGH OF THE

MEL : (DOES }KENA)

MS

arx 01 00 2 033 6 JACK: 3I9t . . .A SOUT}rratN HYENAl1 .IN THE MO`tNING THE MEN WERE

REFRESH® AND 14E TRA 4YVEIdE9 ALL THE NF7T DAY, AND IT WAS

TOWARDS DU3C THAT WE CAME TO A LITTLE CLFi1RING IN THE

JUNGLE AND THERL S}IE SPOOD .

VEOL4 : (OOMPfiY) Thank goodness . . . at last, you found me .

JACK : (FILTER) SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL, AND ALTHOUGH SHE HAD BM

TRAVELLING FOR MANY DAYS THROUGH THE DFeY SE JUNGLE, HrTt

CIATHES WIItE NOT AV THE LEAST~RIPPID ., .FORTUNATELY SHi

H4D ENCOUNTERED NO THRONS . . .FORTUNATELY??? . . .THGN S11E SEGAN TO SPEAK . VDOLA : Oh, I'm so glad . . .after all these days of travelling through this horrible jungle . .hiding from the animals . . avoiding the natives . .fighting off all the dangers, and, now you've found me and I'm safe . JACK: (REG . MIKE) Don't be too sure . .Nov tell me, What are you doing here Sn the junEle?

VEOIA : I came to Africa on a scientific expedition with Professor

Ludvig Von Krause, but his lust for pover got the better

of him . He has set himself up as king of a native tribe . . .

:e wented me to be his queen, but I escaped .

RUBIN : (COMING IN) Nagoola heele marvah .

JACK: What's that? RUBIN : Me messenger . . .Me look for you many moons . .me bring you this message .

MS

ATK09 002033? -19-

JACK : Wait a minute . .I'm in the uncharted jungles of Africa . . .

hov did you ever find me? RUBIN : Me find-um your address in yellow pages : Oh. . JACK DON : What does the message say? JACK: It's from the British Home Office in equatorial Africa . . It says, "Beware of Professor Ludvig Von Krause, he is , preparing to take over all of Africa ."

(SOUND : NATIVE DRUMS . .LOUD . .ANI) SHOUTS OF NATiVES)

JACK : (FILTER) THE WARNING CAME TOO LATE, BECAUSE JUST THEN WS WERE SURROUDIDED BY A Ifl]ARDE OF SCREAMING SAVAGES WH0

TOOK US CAPTIVE AND BROUGHI' US IPP1'0 TNE PRESENOE OF THE

CRUF.I' ., AMBITIOUS PROFESSOR . .HE UJOKED AT US AND SAID .

DENNIS : (CIIIMtMN) Down on your knees, you^schvinehundts, you are Sn the presence of the great Professor Ludvig Von Krause .

JACK : Nov look --

DENNIS : Kneel, you dumbkopf . .I am the great Von Krause, discoverer of penicillin, inventor of atomic energy, and chust this morning I hav made the greatest scientific discovery of the century .

JACK : Wnet's that? DENNIS : I haf perfected Brew 103 . JACK : Bmmmm . ~ ~, -~jl,~„~ gM~,DENNIS : Now I hav made up my mind what to do~n4W~em : .TheAg'"irl " I v'_I1 keep, but the rest of you I am going to throw to the crocodiles . - .

MS

fli 8 01 0 0 20338 -2G-

~ VHCLP. : No noAdon't keep mo . .That would be a fate worse than death. .Throv me to the crocodiles, too . SPGRT@ffiV, MEL RUBIN, DCN, ETE : 1[MIRAY . JACK : Who vas that? DENNIS : The crocodiles . JACK: Now look DENNIS : Shut up . .ooooh, you ma e me so mad . . .Now co`m'°e 'h'er ~ me..eg,L, .

and sit on this throne^beside me . . JACK: Weit a minute . .why do you want to kill all the men and just keep her? DENNIS : . . .You better go home and read the second chapter of what every boy should koow . . .A11 right, guards, tie these men_ up and throw them to the crocodiles . JACK: Oh, no you don't . Now don't make a move . . .I've got you covered with this gun! VSGIA : Look out, his guard is throwing a spear at you!

( SO UiU1 : LOUD THUD. .APm PISTOL SE O T)

JACK : (FILTFZ) THE SPEAR WENT THROUGH ME JUST AS MY BULLET KILLED

HIM. . .ASd'HCUGH I WAS LUCKY TH4T THE SPEAR DIDN'T 00 THRCUGH

MY HEART, TF a DCCTCRS HAD BAD NEWS FOR ME . .IT WCULD BE

FATAL TO RE!OVE IT . .SC FOR ALL THESE YEARS I HAVE REF,:V

GCING PRCUND WITH A SPEAR STICKING OUT OF ME . . .THIS DDESN'T

DJTHER ME NCRMALLY, BUT AT A PARTY WHFSfEVFR WE PiAY CHARADE

EVERYONE GUESSES THAT I'M AN HORS D'OEUVRES . THAT IS hff'

STCRY . . .YES, I, LIKE ALL THOSE BEP`GRE ME, FAILED TO FIND THE ELEPHANi'S GRAVEYARD . (APPLAUSE AND PIAYGFr) .

MS

flT 80 1 0020339 1 BIG BBOTHFi2S

JACK: Ladies and gentlemen, when a feller needs a friend . .he needs a helping hand . And the hands of .the BIG ffitOTlfrYtS have helped thousands of growing boys to find the way to a useful life . . .Since the first BIG H2OTFiFR movement was formed in 1904, to the many thousands of men who daily volunteer to help, I say congratulations for a job well

done . If you are interested in being a BIG BAOT}ER to some needy boy . . . . Write - BIG BROTBIItS OF AMFTcICA - Philadelphia 3, Pennsylvania . Thank you . (APPLP.USE) - DON : Jack srill be back in just a minute, to tell you about his television show which goes on immediately after this program, but first---the Sweetheart of Lucky Strike . .Miss Dorothy Collins!

DON : Jack i+ill be back in just a minute to tell you about his television show which goes on at seven o block over the

CBS netuork . . .but first---the Sweetheart of Locky Strike . . Miss Dorothy Collins .

MS

s

Fir 9 07 oo2o 34 o -22-

CLOSING C06IDZERCIF.L (TRANSCRIBCD) "If you want better taste from your cig-a-rette, FULL SONG : Luc Strike is the brand to get! IT'S TOASTID to give you the best taste yet

It's the toasted (CL4P . . .CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-rette!

They take fine tobacco, it's light tobacco, it's mild tobacco, too

Then IT'S TOASTED, yes, IT'S TOASTED,

because the toasting brings the flavor right

through .

So, to get better taste from your cig-a-rette Luc Strike is the brand to get! IT'S TOASI'ED to give you the best taste yet, It's the toasted (CL4P . . .CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-rette! WILSON Friends, your enjoyment of a cigarette is just as simple

e.s thet! (SiAWLY, WITH FMPHASIS) I£ you want better taste

from your cigarette - Luc Strike is the brand to get .

It's toasted to taste better . Naturally, Luckies' better

taste begins just where you'd expect it to begin . With fine

tobacco . LS/MFT - Lucky Strike means fine tobacco . And

then--that tobacco is toasted . "IT'S TOP.STSD" -- the famous

Lucky Strike process--tones up Luckies' naturally good-

tasting tobacco to make it taste even better . Cleaner,

fresher, smoother . So next time . . .get better taste .

Get Lucky Strike .

(TRANSCRIBED If you want better taste from your cig-a-rette, COLLINS WITH FULL ORCH. S.G.) Luc Strike is the brand to get!

IT'S TOASTID to give you the best taste yet,

It's-the toasted (CL4P . . .CL4P, CLAP) cig-a-rette! MS

ftrxo 1 oo2o3 41 -23-

(TAG)

(SOUND : DIALING OF PHONE)

DON•Nhat are you doing, Jack? Jm calling my writers . DON : Hhat do you want them for? JACK : I have to do my television show tonight and I can't ad lib my way out of Africa . DON : What? JACK :

DON : Angara~ ~,--~- That means he' 1 see you on television, folks . . .don't orget to watch it . .ALm MUSIC) .

DON : The Jack Benny Program tonight was written by Mi1t Josefsberg, John Tackaberry, Al Gordon, Hal Goldman, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marks .

:-8ennv P am is brought to you ~tr product of tha o acco l~ leading manufacturer of clgarett es . ------

MS

AiX01 0020342 I _22_

HERBENT TANyTON

HR 301F

?ilter smokers : True tobacco teate . . .reel filtration . .

famous TAREYTON quality . . .they're all yours when you smoke Filter Tip TARw'YRbN . Filter Tip TAR°YTON gives

you ell the full, rich taste of TA ME YTON'S quality tobacco end real filtration, too, because Filter Tip

'A.FL~'YTON incorporates Activated Charcoal, renowned for 2ts unusual powers of selective filtration . Look for

t he red, white end blue stripes on the package . They

:denfify Filter Tip TAREYTON, the best in filtered

sr,oking .

LON: ="4 Jack Benny program was brought to you by the

'~ rican Tobacco Company . . America's leading

ma nufecturer of cigerettes .

TB

RTX01 0020343 1 PROGRAMl#17 REVISED SCRIPT

AMHtICAN TOBACCO C06ffANY

UJCKY STRIiE , ' ''

THE JACK BEhII9Y PROGRAM

S[RaNY, JANCARY 16, 1955 CBS 4 :00 - 4 :30 PM PST

(Trenscribed - Oct . 27, 1954)

CAST : JACK BENNY MARY LIVINOSTONE ROCEESTER DENNIS DAY BOB CROSBY DON WII,40N SPORTSMEN QUARTHT MII, BLANC HAL MARCH BENNY HUBIN

RT

A r 8 0 1 0020344 AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY -A- M JACK BENNY PROGRAM" #2 JANUARY 16, 1955 oPSNINa Ca+n+ EaCIAi

WILSON : TH5 JACK BENNY PROGRAM . . . transcribed and presented

by Iucky Strike . . . the cigarette that's toasted to taste better . (TRANSCRIBED :If you want better taste from your cig-a-rette, CALYPSO VSRSION OF Luc:cy Strike is the brand to get! SONG-37 SEC) IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet .

It's the toasted (CIAP . . . CLAP, CIAP) cig-a-rette .

y take fine tobacco, it's light tobacco, it's tobacoo, too I T!en IT' S T yes, IT'S TOAS because the toasting the flavor right through . So, to get bette ste from ur cig-a-rette,

Iu C57 Str is the brand to get : IT'S STED to give you the best taste y.e

I's the toasted (CIAP . . . CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-ret

WILSON : Th±s is Don Wilson . The song you just heaxd has an

important message for everyone who smokes . The sure way to get better taste from your cigarette ie to

make sure you get Lucky Strike . It's toasted to

taste better . Of course the better taste of a Lucky

begirs with fine tobacco . And then, that fine

tobacco is toasted . "IT-S TOASTED" -- the famous

Lucky Strike process -- tones up this naturally mild,

gocd-tasting tobacco to make it taste even better .

Clear.er, Fresher, Smoother . Yes, a Lucky tastes ,

better because it's the cigarette of fine tobacco and

it's toasted . . to taste better . So -- Be Happy -- Go Lucky!

»rx 07 0020345 -1-

(FIRST ROUTINE)

(AFTFR COMMERCIAL, MUSIC UP AND DOWN) DON : TH6 Il1CKY STRIKE PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BENNY . . .WITH MARY LIVINGSTONE, ROCHFSTFSt, DERNIS DAY, BOB CROSBY,

AND "YOURS TRULY" DON WILSON . (APPLAUSE . . .NUSIC UP AND DOWN) DON : AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLFNIEN, IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO BRING YOU THAT -- BOB : Hold it,,ho d It, Don . . .Jack isn't here .

DON1G&a few minutes ago, where is he? MARY : He just went in the other room to talk to his writers . . . O-h~-~boy, is Jack burned upt BOB :A)4V~GThq~fe two guys get away with murder . They never have a program written till the last minute .

MARY : Well, I'm going in and see what's happening . . .Gee, he's

always having trouble with his writers .

(SOUND : FEW FOOTSTEPS . . . DOOR OPENS)

JACK : Now look, fellows, if I told you once, I told you-jWpt

times . . .you've got to have the program written before we

go on the air . . .Every week we just barely make it 7fi now

today, look what happens . . .no soript at all . ell, what are you worried about? m (MOOLEY) it's only

JACK: It's not Fridgy.~1Y~~Sun d there's no excuse for

y~s no owing it, I gave both of lenders for Chris s . . .I knew this would happen some day . MARCH : el e were stuck this week . dEL : Yeah, we didn't have no inspiration .

RT

fiTX01 0020346 -2-

JACK : Oh, you didn't .

MEL : Don't yell at me, I'll fly to pieces . JACK : I'm not yelling . . .I'm just asking you to work, that's all . You're working for me . . .I'm paying you to work . MARCH : And that's another thing, we want more dough .

JACK ; Well, you certainly pioked the right time to ask me . . .vhy do you want more money?. You're getting plenty pyo , MEL : We w9nna get a room tonight . i.. JACK: NgyAcut t ha4t out . ine team of writers I've got . I've been looking for you all week, where were you? MARCH : Palm

MEL : Springs . JACK : You're not supposed to be in Palm Springs, you're supposed to be here with me . MARY : Come on, Jack, we're waiting for you . JACK : ~A B'~here in a minute . . .Now look, felloes -- MARCH :~, ~H~E~Y, WHJ~S THg DAt~? JACK : ~hat's Mary Livingstone, and she's not a dame . . .You've met her at least four hundred times .

MGL : Oh, yeah, that's the girl we write for, Harry .

MARCH : You're Harry, I'm Se~ . JACK : AND I'M JACK BSNNY,GLA^D TO KNOW YOU .{ .NOw listen,

UR Jack, you better hurry up . . .Let Gilbert livan alone .

JACK : I ou, Mary, I'll be the . a minute . MARY : Okay . MGh & MARCH WHISTLE JACK : AND S'

arx 01 00 2 0347 I -3-

JACK : Nov look, fellows, ~'re on the air, so I'm going out and do the beP+ I can . . .Meanwhile, you stay right here and ind of a play for us . ~ k o-..,. _ MQ, : Okey ! ., * , hoW,ebOUt a Murder Mystery?

JACK : A murder.r mystery? ~

MQ. : YOU KNOW, WHERE A GUY COMES HOME AND^FINDS HIS WIFE IN

THE ARMS OF ANOT}ER MAN --

MARCH : THE HUSBAND SAYS . . .gOW I GOTCHA! MEL : WHY JULIUS, WHAT ARE 7[Q[I_ DOING HFRE? MARCH : YOU KNOW WHAT I'M DOING }ERE, I DIDN'T GO TO SCRANTON AT ALL . JIi Sl ~J iLIU3 . . . PVT DOW1V THqT4 ~ CH: OH NO . . .BANCVIEA{iGBAP BANG SANG BANG~ MEL : GGGGGGOH . . .iG/GGOOOG . . .GOOtnnt~~ ~i- ~~ JACK :~ NWV~ , FINE . . .WRITE IT UP, WRITE ANYTHING . . . JUST SO WE CAN HAVE A PRCGRAM . . .NCW BRING IT IN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE . MARCH :I7 Okay . . .Give me the pencil, Harry . MEL :~K You got it, Sam, I gave it to you yesterdey . MARCH : NSNo, IA~it back to you . MEL : Yeah, but after that, I put it in your --

JACK : HERE, USE MY PINCIL . . .FOR HEAVU'~f'S SAKE,AGEP STRE . NOW GO TO WORK . (SCUND : DOOR SLAMS . .,FOOTSTEPS) JACK : Darn those guys . . .Thgy go to Palm Springs and I have no broadoest .

DON : Whet's the matter, Jeok . . :®e you having trouble vith your writers again?

AT 90 7 0020348 -4-

JACK : Ye"n, every week they're getting lazier . . .ARdrliow tonight, no material at all . DON : Well, why don't you fire 'em? MARY: He can't . . .They dug up a photograph of Jack when he was in the third grade . BOB :/L:JCh What's wrong with thet?

MARY : He was the only kid with a moustache . - JACK : IWIt was just fuzz, you could hardly see it . . .Anyway, that picture has r.cthing to do with my wrlters . . .71' this ever happens again, I will fire 'em . DON : Well Jack, if there's no script, what do we do now? JACK : We'll just have to stell . . .Say Bob, how about a number from the boys in the bar.d4-/ BOB : Okey, but I'11 need e-WW'minutes to round 'em up .

JACK : Oh for heavens seke . . .xhet's the matter with those fellows? The minute the intr :duation is over, they elweys"d _iseppear . BOB : Well, they do 't heve to play again ,L'~•~••~-De~.ennis p

and they get 4 restless Oft sitting,?on the bandstand . JACK : v~ too bad . . .I want 'em on the stage throughout the show .

Where` are they? BOB : ,~ ,~ some of them are qt that little bar across the street . . . tW G-•-+ and Bagby, Fletch,I :;urtze, Bridvell, and Sammy the Drummer are baekstageA~in a gin geme .

JACK : Five of 'em? How I=. five play gin? BOB : , Oh, Sammy doesn't play, they use his head to keep score on . JACK : a BOBJJt ..t:, After a long game it looks like he's got hair .

90 00 0 Ri 1 2 349 I -5-

aBBUMMMIC

41agwepth .

JACK : '1M Bob, I hate to be a spoil sport, but I wish you'd get the boys back on the stage . MARY : Iti_s a shame, Bob . . .Look . . .Frankie Remley's the only one on the stend . JACK : That's right . . .end you know why?. Because Frankie takes an interest in the sh~ow .~ He's the only one of the whole

bunch who's loyal,' ~~~pendable, and always on the job .

BOB : Well, I'll vake him .ld tell him ptlri®M that .

JACK : He's alseep? But 4M, his eyes are open, MARY: Oh Jack, don't tell me that trick of his has yyyb fooled, too . JACK : What trick? MARY : He's got pupils painted on his eyelids. JAOK: Gee . . .he must have taken a lot of trouble with 'am . . . They're bloodshot and everything . . .But k1ds, this isn't solving our problem . . .What can we do to fill time till the script is ready?

DON : Well, Jack, you ought to be able to do something . . . After . ell, you're the star of the show . JACK : But Don, it's not that easy . . .I don't sing . . .I don't danoe . . .I've never done imitations . . .Gee . . .I don't know - what to do nov .

MARY : If it wasn't Sunda~you could take your money to the bank . -- JACK : Very funny ,,/&~ DENNIS : Hello, everybody . CAST : 1L (AD LIB H6id.OS)

DINNIS :A yrpat's everyone standing around for?.

81" YS07 0020350 JACK: Because we've got a problem, Dennis . . .my writers let me

down this week wM weM got no script, no jokes, nothing .

DENNIS : What's the difference, who listens?

JACK: Now vait a minute, Dennis, there are still millions of

people listening to radio

. _ - - "kMftlwsd,a-t's still a big medium . . .more radios were

sold this year than ever before . . .and anyone who is on a

big show like this is still doing a very important ,job .

DENNIS : Boy, did you sing a different tune when you out my

salary last September

: I didn't cut your salary. JACK . You're still getting eighty

dollars a week like you did last year . DENNIS : Yeah, but what about that new olause you added? JACK: Nhat new clause? DENNIS

: The one that says a week is fourteen days .

JACK ; FGom.

DON : Jack, how could you actually make Dennis sign a contract

that has fourteen days in a week? ' JACK

: Because when he ' s around it seems that long .

JACK: IMMPH3-q . . .Now look, Dennis, as long as we're stuck ~ without a script, how about doing your song now? DII7NI.~S :7I got a better idea . . .why don't you and I ad lib e little, to end fro . J -• Jw.~.'. JACK :~ To and fro ; 4iq . . .All right, Dennis, I'll start it . . .Who was that lady I saw you with lest night? DINNIS : That was no sew, that was a battleaxe .

NT

0020351 AT Y{O 1 I -7-

JACK : 1~6 ome ad-libbing . .. oft . .

(SOUND : KNOCK ON DOOR) JACK: Come in . (SOUND : I~A'nOR OPINS) RUBIN : Telegram for iek Benny . . JACK : Right here, fellow . . .thanks : Give him a tip, Jack . MARY : Oh yes . . .here you BA . JACKuddy. . .5ay, you're rather old for a messenger boy, aren't you? RUBIN : You ain't gonna get the mumps any more yourself, Bubl (SOUND : DOOR SIAMS) JACK: }qn, and I had to give him a fifty cent tip . MARY: You gave him a dime .

JACK: I GAVE HIM A q1ARTER . I KNOW WNAT I GAVE HIM . . .I wonder who this telegram is from .

(Sl RI, ' F P PFjR) V JACK : Oh, it s from Fred Alle /.-. °Dear Jaak . . Ha"ve""1en listening to your show and have a suggestion that may help you fill remaining twenty minutea . . .Why not announce your retirement and let the audience take it frcm there ." . . .Whet a silly suggestion .

DINNIS : Yeah, they'd applaud right through Amosand Andy . .

JACK : Just sing your song, Dennis .r.I'm going out and see how my

writers are coming along . (FADLiC) If they're stalling,

~ ( . _

ET

01 0 2 (irx 0 035 2 1 -8-

(SECOND ROUTINE) .

JACK : fellows, I know it's a good title for a murder mystery, but where's the play? MARCH : Well, we got a lot of ideas, but we couldn't write 'em down .

JACK : Why not? I gave you a pencil .

MEL : Yeah, but there ain't no lead in it ., .see? JACK: Oh, there ain't no lead in it . Give me that nencil : . . . . . , Look, fellows, you turn this little knob here, and out

comes the lead . . . . It's an Automstic Pencil . MEL : Oh yeahitook, Sam, you turn this knob and the lead omes out . MARCH : ~, that's good . . .Let me turn it . MEL : No, I wanna turn it . MARCH : Come cn, just once . JACK : I'Vn TURNED IT ALRS'ADY : . . . . 'SMB,6iive me back the pencil, here's a pen ., .you don't have to turn it or anything . . . .

Now please write that mystery play, will you, fellows?

MARCH : Okay .

(SOUND : DOOR SIAMS . . .FOOTSTEPS) JACK; . . . .3oy, if I ever get my hands on that picture, I'll fire 'em so fast they won't know what hit 'em . . . . . Well, Don, it'11 be a few more minutes yet .

DON : What'l1 ve do? JACK : I d-,n't know what to talk about .

e:a-....,

DH

RTX 0 1 002 0 353 -9-

MARY : Well, you're such a great comedian, why don't you ad lib something?

JACK:Gt-vKYou're right . . . . I will . . . .You knov folks, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the studio . A panhandler

came over to me and asked me for a quarter . . . . He said he

hadn't had a bite in two weeks . MARY : So you bit him . 7 d~ L JACK: So I . . . . Mary, I!m supposed !NW6 ad libbing . MARY : That's the oldest joke in the world .

JACK: All right L I ) " DON : Say Jack, as long as we're waiting for the script, how ~ a out the Spormen doing a number . ? JACK : ~ They have anything prepared? DON : I'll ask them . . . .Say fellows, would you like to do your arrangement for Jack? @UART :H64AIIM4HM . . . JACK :~,Swell, DON : They said, "Ng" yu JACK : They did not .A Go ahead, fellows . . . .

(SOUND : PHONE RINt,S)

JACK:Hold it a second . (SOUND : RECEIVER UP) JACK: Heilo.~

ROCH : HEISA, -9 M , THIS a5 ROCHESTER . (APPIAUSE)

ATXOI 0020354 1 _ -10- .{/`)'." JACK : aGM415M; Rochester,^w is it? ROCH : WELL, BOSS, I'VE BEEN RFARRANGING THOSE ANTIQUES ON THE LIVING ROOM MANTEL AND I WAS WONDERING ABOUT THAT YELIAW

VASE?

JACK: Oh, keep that in the middle, Rochester . . .I'm very proud of that vase . ROCH : YOU AHE?

JACK: YeBl~there are only two vases like that in the entire

wor?d . And the onlyonest~ho have them are the King of Yl 71.., Slam and me . . . .or Ss lr4~, King and I? ROCH: I^_'S THE KING AND THE JUNh1MN, I JUST BUSTED YOURS . . _ JACK : We11 Rochester, that was very expensive and I'm going deduct it from your salary . ROCH . On EGSS . . . . JACK: Dcn't "Oh Bose" me . . . .I'm going to teac you a lesson . "ROCH: WHAT YOUR LESSONS HAVE COST ME CCUlDA GONg THROU3H Hamh:n JACK : I dcn't re, you ahouldn' be so clumsy .

ROCH : W=LL ?A55, 'S REA YOUR FAULT . JACK: My fs ::1t? ROCH : - Y'~:.H, THAT SC LE YOU PUT ME ON HAS ME RUSHIN'

A. :wt?~D L CRAZY . JACK: Wha`..,do you mean? ROCH: NrT-,/, TAKE THIS MORNING . . . . I GOT UP AND HAD FIPTEEN t•tNLr:S TO MAKE THE BEDS AND ' N THE ENTIRE UPSTAIRS . . . . TnPs~`P_' MINUTES TO WASH AND IRON UR CUJTHES . . . . A AALF HOUR TO POLISH THE SILUER, WASH THE IND(%S, SCRUBTHE WALLS AND BEAT THE RUGS . . . .AND BY NINE 'CI4CK I WAS IN THG KITCHEN ON 1AY HANDS AND KI~RS . , DH

90 NT 7 0020355 1 ou were waxing the floor?

NO, I FAIN7&

You fainted? 1'0

QU2`tTIIiG! JACK: Don'c be silly, Rochester . . .I'mhaving enough trouble without you aggravating me . ROCH :/~~,, WfAT'S THg M4TTER? JACK1~~My +riters are late with the script and I'm standing here

with nothing to do . ROCH : ~~,))) TOO 5AD I'M NOT THERE . JACK:Nhat could you do? ROCH : SI:VG, BOSS, SING : JACK : Yoa . . .sing . . .with that voice?

ROCH : DCN'? KNOCK IT . . .AROUND CENTRAL AVENUE I'M KNOWN AS "THAT

SENT26N'''or . FELLOW WITH THE MELLOW BELLOW" . JACK: Hcmm .

ROCH : I 5Y?N S-.?IG ONCE WITH THE HALL JOHNSON CHOIR .

JACK : What happened? ROCH : J0:^_3;ON TEII(EW ME OUT IN THE HALL .

JACK : I thcught so . .Well, I'll talk to you later, so long,

Rochester .

ROCH : GOCCCCOOD3YE!

(SOUND : RECEIVER DOWN) i JACK• [aw, Go ahead, Don, have the Sportsmen do their number . I ' m

goin8 inA+9 Mxx and see how Hemingway and Steinbeck are doing .

DON : Okay, ,JavY . .Hit it, fellows .

RT 8 01 0020356 1 --__ --_~ I

_1,A_

QUART : ME AND MY SHADOW

STROLLING DOWN THE AVENUE ME AND MY SHADOW NOT A SOUL TO TBLL OUR TROUBIES TO

AND WHEN ITS TWELVE O'CLOCK

WE CLIMB TH8 STAIR

WE NE VER KNOOK FOR NOBODY'S THERE

JUST ME AND MY SHADOW

ALL ALONE AND FEELING BLUE

ME (JUST YOU AND ME) AND MY LUCKY

I'M PROUD T}iAT I'M A UJCKY FROM OLD KENTUCKY

STROLLING DOWN THE AVENUE

W} EREVER YOU GO TRAfl"S WHERE I GLOW

ME A1ND P4941NOC AND MY UJCKY LS I10.SH MFT

IT'S THB FRIEND I TELL MY TROUBLFS TO

I TURN r TROUBLES INTO SMOKE RINGS

THE FAVORITE CIGARETTE WHEREVER YOU GO

IS llJCKY STP.IIKE

IT'S TOASTED YOU KNOW

FROM :+ E AND MY SHADOW

GNE SMOKE WE LIK-c

BETTER TASTIiIG LUCKY STRffiR (APPL4USE)

BH

6 rx 01 00 2 0 357 1 (THIRD ROUTIHI:) ~ ~~~ ~~~ pa.o-R JACK : NownS.ook, fellows,Alook at th s page . . . .that :~s ~ murderer . . . .not moiderer . MBRCHfowe1l, a gangster would ssy r . JACK•~,_"7~ ./F~',I'm not a gangster, I'm~e~ ce Cap nt. .,Y'ead your

own script . . . . . Now fellows, it's time for ou r play . . . . so I'11 take what you've got and you bring the rest in

as soon as you can .,1 ive me those pages .

MEL: P ease give me those pages .

JACK : All right . . . .nlease give me those pages . . . .Now

concentrate, will you, fellows?

~- (SOUND : DOOR SIAMS . . . . FOOT3TEPS) JACK; 0P Gine thing. . . . drama:on the installment plan . DON : Well, how does it look, Jack? . . . AMWe going to do a play tonight? JACK: Ye&Jbut we'll have to do it without a rehearsal . . . .Here are your parts, kids : (SOUND : RATTIE OF PAPER)

JACK : Now let's see . . . . I'm going to be Captain O'Benny

. . . .And Dennis, you'll be my of Folice }[eadquarters

assistant, Sergeant O'Day . DENNIS : 0'tbanks .

JACK : 0'welcome . . . . Nov Mary, you're going to be the widow, Mrs . J . Malcolm Smith .

MARY : The widow?

H

ar 9o 1 oo2o 35 e -13-

JACK : Yes . . .your husband hae been killed . . . . ieaving you three million dollars, an estate in Santa Barbara, snd a yacht .

And you're all broken up . MARY : Why, does the yacht leak7 It~~~

JACK : No, you loved your husband . . . . Now let's see~`Y:$db, you'll

be the family chauffeur . . .And .Don, you're going to be . the bugler . DON : Rugler: ~~..r .--~- .~L-w~.-G-w JACK : Oh, they must mean butler . . . . same vrit6'ra . .You're the t A butler, Don . . . .We11, 6b much for casting . . .AND NOW, IADIffi

AND GhTi'f18M6N, FOR OOR FFA7VRg ATPRACTION THIS SVBNING,

WE PR&SBNT AN ORIGINAL MS5T8RY DRAMA BMTITISD,"Tf R

MGRt M OF MALCOILA SMITH" . . OR . . "Rg HAD AN . OLPPOINTMBNT

WITii THE DENTIST IIi THS AFTBRROON BUT Ng WAS WIId-E~D IN - 14 TR6'P MORNING" . . . . Say,- $M~ uotAa

. . . .Well,bedGtitLe, ® thlnk I'11 get the boys a room tonight let's

. . . THE OPENING SCENE IS TR6 OFFICE ($'.,DETgCTIVEgo, fellovs CAPTAIN 0'BENNY AT POISC& RPADQpAFCPL''RS . . . AIN . . .

MUSIC .

(BAPID PIAYS "MIGHTY LiKE A ROSB")

BR

Rrxo i 0 020359 I _1~q_ ' JACK : lOj, Wt a minute, Bob .ie this the theme music for a' r . ./ai .4 mu:der mystery? . . .Migtity Like A Rose?

BOB : Well, that's vhat your .writers gave me . JACK : FIDn . DffiaVIS : Maybe that's the name of the muttilerer .

JACK : Who, Rose?

DENNIS : No, Biighty . JACK : BR, De qulet Okay, Bob,'

(94ND PIAYS '".4IOHTY IIiE A RCS3")

JACK : Hey, Sergeant 0'Ihy ...... Seargeant 0'Day . . . .i.EHNIB : Yes, sir .

JACK : Did you answer the burglar alarm at the First National Bank? IERNIB : Yes sir . JACK : Weil . .were there any euspicious characters around? ABNNIS : No, the furniture movers told me they hadn't seen anybody . JACK : Furniture movers? D&NNIS : Yeah,Atuo fellows with d safe .

JACK : THOSE 'dgRg TfU; BURGIARS! . . . . Nhat's the matter with you, anyway? (SOUND : PHONc' RINCS) JACK : I'11 take it .

(SOUND : RECEI UP)

BH

Hr 901 0020 36 0 -15-

( JACK: ' Hello, Police Headquerters . MARY: Hello, this is Mrs . J. Melcolm Smith talking . JACK: Yes . . MARY: MY HUSBAND, J . MAIGOI1d SMITH, WEALTHY S'i'OCKBROKSR OF NEW YORK, PAItA BEACH, AND MIAMI, HEIR TO TH6MILLIONS IEFT BY HIS FATHER . .W BUN KILiED . JACK: TFAT'S SHOCKIN:} NEWS, MRS . SPff'1'H. .ARE YOU SVRE YOUR H.GSBAND IS IEAD?

(SOUND: 7540 GUN SHOTS ) MARY: DEFINPiELY :

JACK : WE'I.L BE THEM IN FIVE MINUTSS . .G00I 5YE . (SOUCt~:~ ~~PHONg DOWN ) LENNI~ ~et~'s up,CHief?~~

:n J . Felcolpi 3to#, the Smithbroker,~ JACK has beenmurdered . .

4w.5~ey can't even type straight . . Hend maatV gun.

DENNIS: Shall I take the beyonet off ?

JACK: Of course . .I only use it to roast merehmallowaK. .!®fel1~,,3

/ry~ , let's get going . . .THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CASE, SERGEANT

0'L`AY. .AND WE'RE GONNA FIND'12SE MORIERER OF J. MAICOIlA SMSTH, OR . . .OR . . . LENNIS: Or whet ?

JACK: Or nothing, we're ell out of scr11)t . .1LY FELLOWS, RbBRY

UP WITH THE REST OF THIS, WILL YOU? . . .Pley sorrething,

Bob .

(BAND PLAYS "MIGHTY LIKg A ROSE" ) JACK: (OVER MUSIC) Pine writers, they couldn't even finish the sentence . . .Ho1d it, Bob . (M0.5IC STOtS)

Rrx 01 0 020361 1 -16-

M6L: Here's a few more pages, Jeck. JACK: Thanke . .Now go back end v»t to work . MARCH : We got a Union,V e'ref.g--o,=ing•Jout to eet . JACK: NOT UNTII: YOU FINISH THE SCRIPT!

MEL : Okay, Blue Eyes .

- I- (SOUND: DOOR CLOSES)

JACK : iM, mven my writers notice 'em . . .Now let's see . .Oh yes . .

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT . CASE, SERG5ANP 0'Z14Y. . AND WE'Rg GONNA

FIND THE MURLE.RER 0F J . AALCOLM SMITH, OR MY NAME AIN'T

CAPTAIN 0'BENNY . . .AM, I could have thought of that

myself . . . . IBT'S GO! (SOUND: POLICE SIREN STARTS UP) JACK: WAST'LL WE GET IN THE CAR! - (SOUND: SIREN STOPS)

JACK: . . .Stupid sound men . . .A11 right, get in, 0!D9 . .I'11 drive . (SOUND: DOOR SLAMS . .CAR MOTOR STARTS. .SIREN STARTS

AND FAlES INTO)

(MIGRTY i,--Cm A ROSE VERY FAST) JACK: (FADIiU IN) Here we ere, 0'Dey .

(SOUND : LOUD BAN3LTA ON DOOR)

JACK: C0hu' ON, COMg ON. .OPEN TH^c DOOR . .THIS IS THg POLICE . (SOUND: MORE BAN3IhT))

JACK: OPEN UP OR W9"I.L BREAK IT DOWN. . .COME ON, 0'DAY . .LEf'S SMASH THAT DOOR . (SOUND: BIGCRUNCHING OF WOOD) A7N: (POISTELY) Good evening, gentlemen, did you ring? TB

Rrx 01 002 036 2 -17-

JACK : Where's Mrs . Smith? ACN : In the library . . .vhom shall I announce? bHta]IS : The King and the Jutlk Man .

JACK : Oh be quiet . DON : Here she is nov . . JACK: Pardon me, are you Mrs . J . Malcolm Smith? MARY : Yes, Captain . JACK; Tell me, what do you know about the murder of your husband? MAfK : Hell . . .we were sitting here in the library,lietening to the radio . . .vhen all of a sudden I turned around and there was my husband on the floor with five bullet-bolea in him .

JACK: YOU'RE LYING : . . . . Here's the body, and he wan only shot one, two, three . . .four times .

(SOUND : ONE pUN SHOT) MAECC : Now count 'em :

JACK : - - I want the truth . . . . You killed your husband and I Imow-vhyl YOU MURL~EiED YOUR HUSBAND BSCAU3E . . . . . ~-- Ch fine, ve're stuck again . . . . All right, Bob .

(BAND PLAYS "MIGHTY LII(E A RCSB")

. . . . JACK: This is embarrasaing Hold it, Bob ,

STOPS) ~~ -~(MUSIC

RT 8 01 0020363 -18-

JACK: All right boys, some more pages : Here you are, Speedy . -. . MEL JACK : Thanks . (SOUND : DCOR SIAM) .

JACK : Let's see here . . . . Ch yes . . . . NCW IdBTEN, MRS . SEEITH, YOU

MUfDEI ED YOUR HUSBAND BECAUSE THBRE - S ANOT}(gR MAN IN

TR6 CASE . . . . NOW TELL ME, WHC'S YOUR IAVER? . . . .WHC. IS HE?

(SCUND : DCCR OPENS)

BOB : We11 . . . .what ' s going on here? MARY

: Hello, Darling .

BOB : Who are these men? .

DH

Ri7901 0020364 u

-19-

MARYe 9bey're detectives, IArling .

JACK: Abe! The other rnan . . . . whet's your nams? BOB

: My card, sir .

JACK: }en . . . . Darling Crosby .•• . Whet's your coYjnsotion with this family? BOB : I'm the chauffeur .

JACK: I see . . . . How did you get along with Mr . Smith?

MARY: Ibn't answer him, Deer . JACK: laer, eh? .

BOB : That's my middle nema .

JACK: H mn. . .ere you taking everything down, Sergeant 0'Dey? LENMS : Yeah, Honey

: That's my middle. JACK hame . . . . now where was I? . . . . Oh, yes,

now you . . . . you still haven't told me how you got along with Mr . S!nith .-

BOB : Well, frankly, eir, we didn't get elong Very well

: You didn't', p-k . JACK : He's been very sqapic,i,o~us- BOB of Mrs . 8nith ;And me ever

since she hired me,~/~ her chauffeur.

JA CK : )Ut. What made him suspicious?

BOB: Sha didn't have a car . . ~~ JACK: I thought so. . .4 0IR OF YOU TIJO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR TfL M1IRPER OF J . MALCOLM SMITH .

BOB : Yeah, but which One? . . . . You can't arrest`both of us .

JACK: DON'T OET SMART WITH MB . . . . I KNOW WHO '1M116 MUR LERER IS . . . .

IT'S . . . . IT'S . . . . Ob for Pete's sake . (BAND PIAYS "MIGHTY iIKE A ROSE")

DH

Arx01 0020 365 JACK: REY RBLLOWS . . . . ESLTpWS .

(MISIC STOPS) MEL: Whetteya vant?

JACK: Whet do I vent? . . . . I went the finish to the .play. I

want to know who the murderer is?

MEL: Oh, that's what we're arguing about : Arguing? M . JACK . .L: Yeah, I eey it's the dame . MARCH : And I say it's gotta be the chauffeur .

JACK: But, fellows --- ,

MEL: Sam, how can you be so stupld. . .look at the motives,

the motives . . .the dame hed all the motives . MARCH: Motives . . . . so you learned a rew word . . . . I.still say it's the chauffeur . JACK: But if he didn't have any motive . . . . - MEL: Yououtte this :

Rq{: yg,ah , if it wasn't for vou , ve'd be in Pe Zp SprinRs. JAC But, I --

MARCH : k Her for oe in your life admiE u lra wrOiR.

MEL : BUT I NOT WRC?x3 . . . .IT'S ALWAYS T DAMB .: 0 . .DIDN'T

MI WIFE TO KILL ME? MARCH: YEAH, AND I'M 918 ..MISSED .

MEL: YOU'RE SORRY. . .O I GET IT . . . . YOU'RS TIffi GUY SHE'S BEEN GOIN7 MARCH: BUT MEL : ALL THC TIIE ITHOUGHT IT WA" CHAtH+FEUR BOB : WAIT A MINi1TE, I DON'T EVEN XNOW Y~OUR

prx 01 , 0 ozo3 66 TIUUi WHAT ARE YOU OOIN' OUT WITH RBR FOR? MEL : WRAT'S YOUR MOTIVE?

JACK: FFSS[)WS . :~ S„YOU'RE ON THB

(PAND STARTS "MIORTY IS}a~ R058") JACK: NOW LOOK, I'M YOUR / ONCE AND FOR AIL, I WANT YOU TO KNOW TAAT OW-bN,IF TR2 SCRIPTS AR6N'T RERE

ON TIME, YOU PUTROF3 MEL & MARCH : AW,

JACK: IAOjC; I DON I T NF.ED YOU GUYS . I CAN AD LIB :NIADIES AND A FUNNY TRINO HAPPIIVCD ON THE WAY TO BTUDIO . A PANfNPUHBR OAME OVER TO ME AND ASKED ME F~R A

Q,UARTER . RE SAID RR AADN'T HAD A BITE IN T{10 WEEKS . ~~ & / ennacu , en vnn ATT MM . JACK: (APPIAUSE & PIAYOFF)

Lfi

13 TK07 :0020367 1 - 22 -

FIIYB ALLOCATION #1 (HOMES) (

JACK: Ladies end gentlemen, it's alarming to thinkthet a

destructive fire starts vg er.v m n t of the dey and night .

There Is no end in sight for the terrible de§truction

caused by these fires unless we do something about it .

Here is whet you can do : Check ell of the electrical

equipment in your home . . .m9ke certain it is safe . Ibn't

smoke in bed . Be sure that every match, every cigarette

is out before you retire for tthe night . Don't give

fire a place to stert : Thank you . (APPIAUBE)

DON : Jeck will be beck in just a minute, but firSt here's

the Sweetheart of iucky Strike . . .Miss ibrothV Collins!

WA

Rrx 01 0 0 2 03 68 TNE AMERICAN TO&1CC0 COMPANY -B - TNE JACK BENNY PRCCRAM #2 JANO0.R4 L6 . 1955 CUJSIN6 CCNII~RC7AAL (TRANSCRIBED : If you Want better taste from your oig-e-rette, A CAPELIA Lyk _ Stri is the brand to get! VERSION CF SCN3 IT'S TCASTED to give you the best taste .yet

39 w'S.) It's the st (CLAP . . . CLAP, CIAP)

cig-a-rette . '

They take flne tobacco, it's light tobecco .

it's mild tobacco, too

Then IT'S TOASTED, yes, IT'S TCASTBD,beoause the toasting brings the flavor right through .

So, to get better taste from your cig -®-r

.the brand to get! ette, Lucky Strike is

IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste .yet,

It's the toast (CL4P . . . CIAP, CLAP) cig-a-rettel -

WILSON : Friends, that song gives you the big reason why so

many millions of smokers always ask for. .Luokv Strike . A Luc tastes better; It's toasted'to .tsste better . The better taste of Lucky Strike belns rrith fine

tobaoco . Why sufie : IS/MFT -- Lucky Sti i ke means

fine tobacco . But there'a even mozre to it than

that - just before it's made into Lucky"Strike

cigarettes, that fine tobacco is toa ~ . The famous Lucky Strike porcess -- "IT'S TCASTHD" --

tones up Luckies' mild, naturally goodytasting ~. tobacco to make it taste even better . . . cleaner, fresher, smoother . (MCRB)

i9 T7S01. :0020369 O ~ JACK s~srm~r~xocRn i 2Am c SANUAA)C 16 . 1955 ~ CIDSIMi COt9AENCIAL CONTID)

NjLSON : That's the Lucky Strike story, pure and simple . ( CONTI D) and why you'll enjoy them . A Lucky tastes better because it's the cigarette of fine tobaoco and it's toseted to taste better . So, get a carton of better-tasting Lucky Strike!

DN

Ar 9 o 1 , oo2o 3? o -23-

(TAG)

(80UND: DOOR OPENS) ROCR: WHO'S 771ERS?

JACK: It's me, Rochester . . . . boy, what e day. . .utvvritere didn't have a script for me . . .the show was crasy . . .ell

the orchestra Could play wes "Mighty Like E Rose" . . .

end on top of ell that, I tipped e telegraph boy

a quarter and he turned around end insulted me . . .I

feel awful . .

ROCH: BOSS, LOOK IN TH6 MIRROR . JACK: Huh?

ROCH: LOOK IN THE MIRROR . .

JACK: Well, I'll be darned . . .I've got tAe mumps . . . Goodnight, folks .

(APPLIUSE AND M&]SIC) DON: The Jack Benny Show tonight was written by,Sem Perrin, Milt Josefsberg, George Balzer, John Tackeberry,

Hel Goldmsn, Al Gordon, end produced and transcribed

by Hi111ard Marks .

~Tt etn my .program was bro u .by Dicky

Strike product : rican Tobacco Cos pany. . ._ .leading manufacturer o arett@8~

WA

ATYS09, . QO20379 a

H6[ffi$tYf TARSYTON 22 lat 302F - -

Filter smokers! Here's thetrue tobacco t69te you've

been looking for . Filter Tip TARh'YTON gives you allthe

full, rich flavor of TAREYTON'8 famous quality tobacco . . .

and real filtration, too! Filter Tip TARSYTON incorporates Activated Charcoal, ren,wned for its

unusual powers of selective filtration and used far and

wide to purify the air we breathe, the weter and

beverages we drink . Look for the red,white and blue

stripes on the package . They identify Filter Tip

TAREyTON, the best in filtered smoking .

The Jack Benny Program wes brought to you-.by the American Tobacco Company . . . America's le$ding

manufacturers of cigarettes .

DY

c

Arxo I . 0020 37 2 PR~O WM #18

AMERICAN T OB ACCO COMPANY

LUCKY STRIKE .-a, '•

TNB JACK BENNY PROCAAM

SUfIDAY, JANUARY 23, 1955 CBS 4 :00 - 4 :30 PM _ (Transcribed-Jan . 25, 1953)

CAST : JACK SENNX MARx LiAINGSTONR R TER DS IS DAY ~DERAID MoPdt MEli $LANC SME N IFANARD JOE - ARNS SE R[BIN NELSON DICK RYAN

1

l BR

HiY{Ot 0020373 TBS APffiRICAN TOBACCO COMPANY -A- - JAOK BiSNtiY PBOORAM . JANUARY

23, 1955 CPRNIN6 CUDIIdF.RCIAL

WIL40N : T} E JACK BENNY PRC(}RAM . . . . trenscribed and presented by

Lucky Strike, the cigarette that's toestedto taste tter' CATRAN90RIBED :"If you went better teste from your cig-e-rette, ION 90NC 37-OBSEU )Luckv Strike is ths brand to get : IT'S TOASTED to give you the best testeyet, It's the toeste (CLAP . . .CLAP, CL9P) oig-e-rette,

They take fine -tobacco, it's li¢ht tobeco

it' d tobecco, too . Then 1T' , .yes, uTOASTED, . beoause ths toast ings the flavor right through,

So, to g6t betterteste from your Z4g-e-rette, is the brand to get :

3 TOASTED to give you the best taste yet; , I It's the e te (CLAP .,,CIAP, CLAP) c1g-a-rett

WIISON : ( This is Don Wilson, friends . I guess you all have

heard of Bill Corum, the famous sports columnist, who's

also President of Churchill Downs in Louisville,

,, . Kentucky. Well,hets one of the many millions of people

who smoke Luokies . And this is whet he says about

. them : "I smoke Luokies because they give IDs the

en,joyment I like and they taste better than any other

cigarette to me" .

(MORE)

RT1S 01 0020374 THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY -B- T}E JACK BENNY PROGRAM JANUARY 23, 1955

OPENING COrAffitCIAL (CONT'D)

WILSON : Now, Bill Corum's ason for smoking Lucky Strike is (CONT'D) the eame one most Lucky smokers give . tter tastej, Whet makes a Lucky taste better? It's tossted to taste

better . Now, Luokies' better taste bea7hs vith fine .

tobacco . L9/FIFT„Lucky Strike means fine'tobeoco . And

then, that tobacco is toaste ."IT'S TOASTSD" -- the

famous Lucky Strike process -- brings Luokies' fine

tobecco to its peak of flevor . . .tonea up this

naturally mild, good-testing tobecco to make it taste

even better . Cleaner, fresher, emoother .- Yes, a Lucky

testes better beceuae it's made of fine tobacco end St's

toasted to tas tter . So, pick up a carton of Lucky Strike . Remsmber : It's toe te . . . . .to tete . better .

Ri 8 01 0 020375 (FIRST ROUTINg) -1- (AFTER COMMEHCIAL, MUSIC UP AND DOWN)

DON : THE LUCKY STRIIIE PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BENNY . . .WITH MARY

LIVIN3STONE, ROCHBSTER, DENNIS DAY, BOB CROOBY, AND "YOURS

TRULY" DON WILSON . (APPIiM1USE . . .MLSIC UP AND DOWN) DON : I ADIE9 AND GENPIr3,EN, , Ibfr1gDIATELY AFPER TH1S RADIO ;_~k PROGRAM, JACK BENNY~D016 HIS REGULAR T .V, SHOW OVER THE

CBS TEIEVISION NETdORK ., .BVP FIRST, IET'S GOBACK TO LAST

TfHII2SDAY . .IT IS LATE MORNINYi AT JACK'S HOME IN BEVERLY HILLS . (SOUPID : AFPER'A FEW SECOND8 OF SI78NC8,WE HBAR THE P3jONE RING ., .PADSG,, .RINGSAGAIN . . . R6CEIVER UP)

JACK: Hello? . . .The Telephone Compeny? . . .You vsnt to inetell a

phone here this afternoon?, . .Are you sure you have the

right eddress? . . . . Yes, this is 366 North Camden Drive, but

there must be sons misteke .,,Oh, the phone is for Rochester

Van Jones . . . . SomR . . .Well, let me find out 9bout it and

call you bsck .,,Goodbye . .

(SOUND : RECEIVER DOWN) JACK : Hmam . . .I wonder xhy . . .OH, ROCHESTER, . .ROCHNSSTER, . (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) ROCH : DID YOU WANT ME,iIBOS9? n~ JACK ; Yea, ReCh58lex;,,ths telephone company 3ueti oelled . . .srhet's this ebout you ordering a phone in your nems?

ROOR : WELL.,I FIGUREDIOW IT WOULD BE MORE CONVENIENP IF WE HAD TWO PHONES IN THs HOUSE,

JACK: But that ' s silly . .,aq phone should be enough . . .I talk on

it very little, ma you can use it whenever you went to . BR

Artco i . 0 0 2 03 76 ROCH : I KNQd . .BIIf I THOUGHf IT MIGHP BE A GOOD IIEA TO RAVE

ANOTHER PHONE IN CASE OF BMERGENCIES .

: But vhy? . . . . suppose there is an emergency . . .YCu. JACK can use my

phone .

ROCH : `LcAH, BUT SUPP0.SE THE HOUSE IS BURNING DOWN AND I HAVEN'T

GOT ANY CHANGE .

JACK : Gee, I never thought .of that . . . ROCH : AND BESIDES, I'LL BE USING THE PHONE A IIJT FROM NCId ON . . . I?'S THE ONLY WAY I'LL BE ABLE TO'AIIC TO MY .GIRL FRIEND, SLSZ•;. JACK : Why. . .what's wrong? ROCH : WELL. . .HSR FATAER SEBNaS TO RAVE TAKEN A DISLIKE TO ME.

~ JACK : But I thought you always got along so well with her family . .

what happened? .

ROCH : TF:' pfAER NIGHT SUSIE AND I WFSiE SITTI2iG IN THE DARK ON THE'SOFA WATCHING TEIEVLSION WHEN HER FATfER CAME IN AND GOf

AWn'UL MAD : Why should . JACK that make.him mad? ROCH : TFJY AIN'T GOT A TEIEVISION SIIT . JACK : . Oh, oh, . . .Sey, Sook,vhat time it is . .,I'm going out to

. the race track today and Miss Livingetone ian't here yet . AOCH :BOSS, YOU'VE GOT PIENIY OF TIMg, THE FLRST RACE DOffiN'T

GO ON TILL ONE O'CLOCK . JACK : I know . . .but I go to the races so seldom I don't want to be late .

(SOUND : DOOH BUZZER)

BR

flTX01 p020377 -3- f• JACK6,That must be Miss Livingstone,,,COMING, COMING . (30UND : COUPIE FOCIPSTSPS„DOOR OPEAL4) MARY : Rello, Jack . JACK : Mary, you're late .

Jack . ; MARY: (U ,I'm sorry, ~J~,wa~s, ..leaving the house when I got a long

distanoe call 1TOm 10m end Papa .

JACKV, A phone call from your Mother and Father, eh, . .what did the Bad and the Beautiful have to say? MARY: Well, Mama said that Cousin Sylvia eloped lost night . JACK: S71via,,,married? MARY : Uh huh.

JACK : Gosh, it seems like'only last suvurrer I picked her up and bounced her on my knee : MARY: It wes last suamer, she's a midgat, . JACK: Oh, oh. . .So she got married, eh?

MARY : Yes, she married a man six feet two . . JACK : Nq kidding? Little Sylvia? YG., MARY : n Oh but Jack, a terrible thing happened . Right after the ceremony, as they turned to go back up the 91s1e, she took

. ors step and broke her log . JACK : Hcw? MARY

: (LALGHINGLY) She forgot she was standing on a box .

JACK : Oh, that's awful . That must've been a sad wedding .

MARY : (SINGS) HER MOT}Qt WAS CRYIISG,,,HF1i FATHER WAS CRYING ., . AID I '-"-"'°--

JACK : A11 right, ell right . . .I had to ask her how, yet,,,Now come on, Mary, let's go to the reces, . .ISW got .a hot tip in the sixth race . . . A horse naaed Our Fancy . BR

RrH01 00263?8 MARY : Our fancy? JACK : Yeeh . . .end I hope I vin, I can sure use the money . MARY : Why, you've never used any before . JACK: Mary, stop that . . .Now coa.e on, let's get going . MARY :!a-Wait a minute, Jack . . .Isn't Dennis going with us? JACK~Werteinly . . MARY : Well, what are we supposed to do, pick him up? . JACK: No, no . . .he's here . . .IF3NNIS . . .IENNIS . . .WR6[tE ARE YOU? IENNIS : (OFF) I'M IN TRB KI'TCHFN .

JACK : WELL, COME ON, MARY'S HERE APm WE'HB READYTOGO

ENNIS : (OFF) OKAY . . I

(SOUCID : FEW FOOTSTEPS) ffiNNIS : Oh, hello, Mary . M(:RY : Hello, Dennis . Ii;NNIS : Say, Mr . Benny, would you mind having rehearsal at my house tomorrow?

JACK: Why should ve rehearse at your house? LENNIS : Well, my uncle is visiting us and he thinks that I'm the

star of the show .

JACK : Oh, he does, eh? Well, let me tell you eomething -- DENNIS : Aw, Mr . Benny, what's the difference where you have , rehearsal? Iet me 3mpress my uncle . . .huh ., .huh? MARY : Yes, Jack, xhet difference does it make?

JACK: We1l,, .A1l right, Dennis, we'll have y16 rehearsal et your

house . . .tomorrow at .eleven o'clock .

IENNIS : Okay, and be there on time, kid . I JACK: What?

BR

HT6S09- 0020379 OR

-6- r Ed? JACK : yM, Fine,P_H_M have you been,

KEARNS : Oh, pretty gocd . . .Say, Mr . Benny, . .I hate to complain, but

it's awfully cold down here, JACK : Oh. ? I'm sorry, Ed . The next time I come down I'll bring a stove .

KEARNS : Well, if it's ell the same to you, I'd rather have clothes .

JACK : Oh . . .well, I'll send some down . . .Nor Isift- got to open the

safe and get some money . .

KEARPS : Shall I lie down so you can give oe the ether again? .

JACK : No no, Ed . . .you can wetch this t1mz ., .Now let me see . . .

The combination is, .,Right to Forty-five ., .(LIGHT TURNING

SOUND), .,Lsft to Sixty . . .(LIGHP TURNING SOUdB) . . .Beck to

fifteen . .(LIGFC TLIIiNINC SOUND) . . .Then left to One-Ten . . . (LIGFII' TtAiNING SOIIDID) . .,There, .

(SOUND : Ps1NDIls TURNS . . .DOOR OPENS AND WE NEAR 06UAL

VaULT ALARM W1TN STLAN WHISTIES, BELLS, GONGS,

HORNS, ETC . . .ENDING WITH B .O . WHISTIE)

JACKo There we are, .,nov let's see how much money I need . . . There, this ought to be enough,, .Gosh, . .look at that big pile of

money way in tT.e book of tha sefe . . .Soy, if the South had

won, I'd be a m illionaire . . .We11, I better close the safe .

(SOUIV7) : S3+E DOOR CLOSES)

JACK ; Well, I#AE got to be going along now . So long, Ed . KEARNS : Goodbye, Mr . Be:u:y. (SOUPID : FCfIfSTEPS,,,D00R OPENS) . I

BR

Ri901, 0020380 . -7-

JACK : Okay, kids . I'm ready . . .let's go r- .Mr.~3enny, don't you want to hear. IENNISP the song I'm going to do on the program4 of the JACK: You listen to it, Mary, while I get the car out garsge .

(APPLAi$E) (I

gNNIS'S SC'iG . . .'h'lII2EE COINS IN A FOUNTAIN") . (APPLAUSE)

fiTY4O7, .4020387 (SECOND ROUTINE)

(SOUND: CROWD NOISES UP AND DOWN)

MEL : (P. A .) LADIES AND GBNTIEMBN. .THE FIFTH RACE WAS A PHOTO FINISH . . .WE'LL HAVE THE RESULTS IN,A MOMENT . MARY: Jack, when are you going to make your bet? You let

five races go by already . I

JACK: I know, I'm only interested in the sixthrece . Our Fancy can't miss . . Say, Mery, let'e go get a . . .

Oh, no . . .look who's coming . . .That race track tout .

MARY: 5ihere?

SRgLDGN : H'ya, Bud, long time no see .

JACK: Hello, he11o . . .Coms on, Mery, let's get away . (SOUND : FEW F'OOTSTEPS)

JACK: Dsry, let's go get e hot dog, oh? , MARY : Put Jack, we're in the clubhouse . . .Why not have lunch?

JACK: Well, all right . . .OH WAITER . . .WAITER .

NELSON: `_'ESSSSSS .

JACK: Hnsmn. . .We'd like to get something to eat, . .What would ;ou suggest? NELSON: -Another waiter . I can't stend you . JACK: I don't care .whether you can or not . . .Now whet can we get in a hurry?

N6I30N: Well, we have roast pork, corned beef, Isg of lamb, sirloin tips, and bacon and eggs . . JO

Rr 901 002 0 3 e 2 -9-

JACK: Hamm. . .Becon and eggs soundf'good . . .Are the eggs fresh? NELSON: Oooooooh, are they! JACK : Oh . . .ve11, I'll have that . . .How about yoy, Mery . . .would you like bacon and eggs?

MARY: Oooooooh, would I :

JACK: Mery . . .Just . . .just bring us our orders, Weiter, as

quickly as you can .

NELSON: Yes air, end I'll seat you at table Numb9r One . That's right over there .

JACK: Thank you . MEL: (P. A .) LADIES AND GENPLEMI :N. . .AS YOU ALL KNOW, THE LAST RACE WAS A PHOTO BINI :KI . . .BUT YOU WON' T KNOW THE RESULTS TIL TONARP.OW . ., JACK: Gee, that's atrange . MEL: THE PICI4RE TURNED OUT S0 GOOD THAT bIE'VE TECILED TO SHO'J IT AT YOUR NEIG!IP.CRHOOD TR3ATER : Now, Mery, Iet'slook over the list of. JACK ehtries for

the next race . . . ; wante see if t~~ -- SHELDON: Yay bud . . .bud . JACK: Euh? SHELDDN : Co¢e here a minute . JACK: [+a? SHELDON: Yeah : YR:at. JACK is it? SI

SHELDON: What table? JACK: Table One .

JG

fliH01 ;- 0020383 -10-

SNELDDN : Un ub .

JACK: What?

SI ELDDN: Take Number Nine .

JACK: Well look, I'm very happy with Table One .

SHELDON : Think it over, Bud . . .Number Gne is a card table . JACK: A card table? . SHELLON : Yeah. . .if it carries too much weight, it'a .legs will fold.

JACK : Gee, I never thought of that . So you think I oughts

takeAteble Number Nine?

SHELDON : Well, certeinly . . .Look at the breeding . JACK:. The breeding?

SHELDON : It's by Blydseye Meple out of Grand Rapida .

JACK: Gosh, I didn't think they even knew eech :other .

SNELDGN : Get wise, Bud . . .t?:ink it over .

JACK: Look, I'm not gonna -- welt a minute . This is the first time I've run into you at a race track . Why don't you give me a tip on s horse?

SHELDON : Who knows about horses? JACK: What?

SHELDON : So long, suckcr . JACK: Nnmmi . - (SGUND:CGUPLE S'CCTST5PS) .

JACK: Mary . . . . Nary, have you figured out yet what horse

NELSON : Your bacon end eggs are ready . . .I put them on Table

Number One .

JG

19 0020 rxoi 3e4 1 t

JACK: Number One : Do you think I'm a sucker? . . .We'll eat at Table Number Nine . NELSON: Table NSne? . . .The shiny mehogeny one? JACK: Yes : I'm sorry,. NELSON but you can't eat at that table . JACK: Why not? NELSON : It was scratched . JACK: Now cut tht out! . . .I don't know why you bed to be our weiter. . .you make me sick.

NELSON : Well, you're not penicillin to ve either . JACK: Come on, Nary, we'll eat at the counter . (SOUND: CROWD NOISES UP RtID DDWN)

MEL: (P. A .) AT1'8'NTION, PLEAS3 . . . WE HAP3 A LATE CHANGS . . . HORSE NOMBER SEVRN, LITTLE IAD:', WILL NOT RUN IN TfL

NEXT RACE . AS SH3 LBFT THE P:1D~'ACK, SBE BROKS A LW .

JACK : I wonder how that happened?

MEL: SHE FORGOP SHE WAS STANDLIG ON A BOX . JACK: How do you 11ke that .

MEL : (sims) TRB JOCKgY WASCRYIPTs . . .Tf E TRAINER WAS

CRYINs . . .AND I WAS CRYIIVU, TOO . .

JACK : Coma on, Coma on ., . .Nary, we'll eet at the counter .

(SOUND : CROWD NOISES UP AND )DWN)

RYAN: '.dho's next?

DON : I am . I'd like a hamburger .

MARY: Jack, there's Don at the counter .

JACK: Oh yes .

JO

9 1 RT 0 0020395 I -12-

RYAN: ~p Yes, sir~1 ~On~s hamburger coming up . DON: ~!-R,Hold St,AMi er,~hold it . . .I vent to tell you how to make it .

JACK : (Wait a minute, Msry, this I have to listen to.)

DDN : Nov, before you put the hamburger on the grill, I vent

you to meke the petty round end firm end fully pecked .

JACK: (I heve a feeling that this is leading to something .)

RYAN:With relish?

DON:Yes and be free and easy on the catsup .

JACK: (If Harry Von Zell ever heard about this, .he'd kill . himself .)

RYAN: Now let me see if I've got it right . You went the

hamburger round and firm and fu11y packed . . .free end

easy on the catsup . DON: That's right : Look, Mister, you don't went a hamburger, you want. RYAN apeckage of Lucky Strikes .

DON: ' hem t's exactly what I_ went .

JACK: That Ibn is a humdinger . Corce on, Mary . . .

JG

Ai 8 0 1 . 0020386 (SCUND : CRCHD NCISffi UP AND DOWN)

MEL: (P.A .) THg HCRSES FOR THE SIXTH RACE AR$ NQd IN THg PADDCCK . MARY: Jack, are you still going to bet on Our Fancy? JACK : Well, of course . That horse will not only win the

}~~ race today, tia6 he ' ll probably set a new track record . MARY: L1.C~-How much are you going to bet? .

JACK : I don't know . . .I wonder how much weight Our Fanoy is

carrying. . .lCa9 I wonder who the jockeyia .

MARY: %ORWr Jack, if you'd buy a fifteen oeht program, ~ ~~~ yould know :~1Lej don't have. JAOKA,~ to buy a progrem . . .I'll go over to the information desk and find out . . .You wait°hsre, Mary .

MARY : Okay . (SCUND : A IITTLE NOISE UP AND DCNN)

JACK: Pardon me, Mister, but how much veight in Our Fancy

carr,ying? . . RUBIN : I don't know. - JACK : Well, what is theneme of the ,jookey? RUBIN : I don't Ie:ow. JACK : Well, how long is the race going to be?

RUBIN : I don ' t icnow

: Well, for heaven. JACK sakes, if you don ' t knov anything about the races, what are you doing behird that desk?

RUBIN : I had to get behind something, I lost uqr pants . . JACK"~O,Cf all the silly --- MARY : Jack --- Jack --- SE

19 rxoa n 0203 e ? ~ JACK: What is it, Mary? MARY : Did you get the infoxsnation you wanted4 .

JACK: No, darn it . .-;IMPM; I oame to the treokto bet on our Fancy an3 that's what I'm going to do . . .And Dennis--

DIIVNIS : Yeah? JACK: This is your first time at the races, eo :take a tip from me . Put your money on Our Fancy .

DENNIS : Our Fancy? . . .Let 0 e see . . .That ' s number 8ight .

JACK: ~p That - s right

1 s not for. DENNIS yd/Thst me . I already bet on Nynhrer Twelve .

JACK: Number Twelve? What's the horse's name4 :

DENNIS : •Who cares about his name, it's the number that's important, that's my system

; Dennis, you've got a system?. JACK DENNIS : Yeah, sure

: Well Dennis,. JAOK according to your system, bow come you . bet on Number Twelve?

DENNIS : We11 . . .The horse is carrying a hun]red aM sixteen

pounds . . .He's running in the Sixth race . . .so I added

six to a h:adredand sixteen, which gave me a hundred

ani twenty-two . . .I added eighteen to a huxdred and

twenty-two which makes a hundred and forty . . .This is

the Fourth week of the month, so I divided four into

a hundred ard forty and that makes thirty-five . JACK : Uh huh. ' . DENNIS : Then I subtracted my age, which is 26 . .,and 26 from 35 leaves 9 . SE

01 0020 8 Arx - 3 e 1 -15-

JACK: Uh huh. DENNIS : Then I added three and bet on Number Twelve . JACK: Wait a minute, Dennis . . .I followed you all the way down to Nine . .,whq did you add three? DENNIS : Well, how else can you get to twelve?

JACK: Yeah yeah, .,how else . . .Now come on, let's .go over to

the five dollar wlndow and -- Hey, Mary ., .Mary ., .look

down there,

MARP:' Where? JACK: Down that aisle . . .Ien't that Mr . Paley? MARY : OH yes . JACK: Well, come on, let's go over and talk tohim . MARY: Jack, he came to the track to enjoy himself . Now leave him alone . JACK: But Mary, I'm a blg star on C .B,S . and he's the head of the network,,,If he knew I was here and didn't stop

to say hello, held be heartbroken . . .Come"on . (SO'iHd) : FO(yfSTEPS. . .CROWD NOISFS UP AND DOWN) JACK: Mr. Paley,, .Mr, Paley . JERRY : Huh? . . .Gh, hello,~ :Jaok . . .Hello, Mary .

MARY: Hello, Mr . Paley .

JACK: Say, Mr . Paley, what horse are you betting on la%6he --- (BUOLL ffiAWS POST CALL)

MEL: (P,A,) AND NOW, CCMING OUT-ON THE TRACK ARE THE HORSFS FOR THE SPCTH 3ACE, JACK: Mr. Paley, have you picked your horse get for the next race? SE

fiTX 0 1 . 0020389 -16-

JERRY : Yes, Jack . I'm betting on Aviatrix .

JACK: Well look, Mr . Patey, forget about Aviatrix . . . put your

money on Our Fancy . He'll win by eight lengths .

JERRYi.t1cP~Waok, my mind is made up . I'm going to play Aviatrix .

JACK: But look, Mr . Paley, it's silly to come out here end just bet on any horse. . .especially after driving six hours to get to the track,

JERRY : In a car it's forty minutes .

JACK: Gee . . .Well, look, Mr . Paley. . .I've been studying these

horses all season and I know what I'm talking about . . .

Our Fancy can't lose . .

JERRY : I'm sorry, Jack, but I'm going to bet on Aviatrix,

JACK: Well, okay, Mr . Paley, it's your dough ., .but don't say

I didn't tell you . MEL: (PA .) THE HORSES ARE NEARING THE STARTING GATE, JACK: Well, I'm going up to the window and make my bet, .,Five dollars on the nose, (SOUND : FbOTSTEPS FADE OFF) JERRY : Say Mary . . .

MARY: Yes, Mr . Paley.

JERRY : I i ve been thinking .,If Jack is going to bet five

dollars on a horse, he mat know somethiqg.

MARY : That's what I think .

JERRY : Yeah,, .I'm going to change my bet . I'm going to put a hundred dollars on Our Fancy,

MARY : Well, Mr. Paley, would you do me a favor . Put two dollars on our Fancy for me,

JERRY : Okay~)I

IISOUND : CROWD NOISES UP AND DOWN) SE

1 2 9 Rrxo 0o o3 o 1 ! MEL: ( P .A. ) THE HORSES ARE IN THE STAFfl'ING G:1TE.

JACK: Gee, I'm glad I got to the window in time,

MEL : (P.A .) NOW THEY'RE ALL LIMSD UP IN THE GATE . . . THEY'LL STAPlf AS SOON AS THEY CAN QUIEP SILVERADO. . .HE'S DANCING AROUfID A BIT . . .SO IS BLUE HEADING.

JACK: Gee, both of them dancing? MEL: IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO. JACK: What7 MEL : (P.A.) AND THERS THEY 001 (SOUND: HORSES AND CROWD NOIS&4) MARY: MR. PALEY . . .MR. PALEY. . .COME ON. . .THE RAC$ NA$ STAAfED.

JERRY : HERE I AM, MARY

: GOING INTO THE FIR4T. MEL TURN, IT'S SdILD GLORY IN FRONT . . . COLORADITO IS SECOND . . .SILVSRADO IS THIRD . . .AVIATRIX IS FOURTH, AND OUR FANCY.

JERRy : CCYME ON. . .C OME ON, OUR FANOY

: I wonder what happened to Jack,. MARY

MEL: COMING ARWND THE FAR TURN, IT'S STILL WILD GLORY IN

FRONf . . .COLORADITO IS SECOND . .SILVERADO IS THIRD . . .

OUR FANCY IS NUv7 F'pURTii BY HALF A LENQTH . . .AND SIR FLNG. JERRY : COME ON, WR FANCy, .OUR FANCY!

(SOUND : CROWD NOISES UP Aim DOIr7N)

JACK: I PL4CED MY BEP AND HERE I AM .

MEL: (P.A . ) DRIVING DOWN THE HOME STRETCH. .IT1S SILVERADO IN FRONP . .WILD GLORY IS SEOOND . .CUR FANCY IS THIRD . .ANO

HERE CCME CONfRIBUTION AND AVIATRIX ; MARY; CCME ON, COMB ON, OURFANCY .

SE

RrxQ I 00 2 0 391 t• MEL: AND NOW COMING INPO THE FINISH LINE, IT'S SILVERADO . . .

CONTRIBUTION, AND WILD oLORY. .APID C(YAINQ'LP FAST ON

THE OUTSIDE IS AVIATRIX . . .IT'S SILVSRADO'AND AVIATRIX . .

IT'S SILVERADO AND AVIATRIX . . .NOd AVIATRTX IS POUNDING

HARD. . .THEY CROSS TH6 FINISH LINE AND ITfS AVIATRIR

THE WINNER BY HALF A LEIiC1PH .

(SOUND : CROWD NOISES DIE DOWN) JACK: MR. PALEY . . .MR. PALEY. .WE WON . . .WE WONt

JERRY : f 4T DO YW MEAN WE WON? JACK: I BET ON YOUR HORSE, AVIATRIX . JERRY : YOU WHAT? JACK,DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT Wifl;N YQ7 LEFT HERE, YOU DIDN'T BE? ON OUR FANCY?

JACK: NO, YOU TALK® ME OUT OF IT. . .MR. PAIBY,WHAT ARE YOU 30 UNHAPPY ABOUT?

JERRY : JACK BENNY, I BEfON THE HORSE YOU GAVE ML. JACK: YOU DID? MR. PALEY, HOW COLiJ YOU BE 50; .3ILLY?

(SOUND : L6DD SCCK AND BODY THUD)

JACK : 0000000 oh{

JERIC(: ...... Mary, you shouldn - t have done thAt, he ' s

wearing glasses .

MARY : Well, it serves him right . . .Mr. Paley, vill you please

drive me home? (APPLAUSE AND PLAYOFF)

SE

Arxo I _ 0020392 -19-

DDN : Ladies and gentlemen, Jack will be back in .just a moment to tell you about his television program whlch goes on at 7 :00 PM, but first let's take a listen to the Lucky Strike toasting song again .

DON : Ladies and gentlembn, Jack will be back in Just a

moment to tell you about his television show which goes

on immediately after this program, but first let's

take a listen to the Lucky Strike toesting song again .

R4 i.

fiT90;1 . 0020393 TRE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY ~- TNE JACK BE[aiY PROGRAM CIASING CObYMERCIAL

_ ATCRqNRAIBED : "If you vant better taste from your o7g-a-rette, PELI r VERSION OF Luokv Strike is the brand to get SONG - 39 SECOND83 best: IT'S TOASTED to give you the taste yet, It's the toested (CL4P . . . CLAP, CLCP)cig-a-rette .

They take fine tobacco, it'e light tobacco, it's

mild tobacco, too .

Then IT'S TOASTED, yes, IT'S TOASTED,

because the toasting brings the flavor right through . . .

So, to get better taste from your cig-a-rette,

Luckv Strike is the brand to get! IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet,

It's the toae (CLAP . . . CIAP, CIAP) cig-a-rette :

WIISON : That's the Lucky Strike story set to .Wusic . The

facts are all there . A Lucky is the cigarette of . fine tobacco . IS/MFT -- Lucky Strike .means fine tobacco . . . naturally mild, good-tasting tobacco .

And then, that fine tobacco is toast to taste better . IT'S .$OASTED is the famous Lucky Strike

process that brings a Lucky's fine tobacco to its

peak of flavor, . . . the process that tpnes up a Lucky's naturg}1y good-tasting tobacco to make it

taste even better . . .cleaner, fresher, smoother . So friends, smoke the cigarette of fine tobacco

that's toasted to taste better . Be Bappy -- Go Lucky! RS

Ai 9 0 1 - 0 020394 -20- Y (TAG) JACK: Iadies and gentlemgn, I vas going to tell you about my

television show, but ve're a little late, so tune in

and watch it . . .Goodnight, folks .

(APPIAUSE )

DON : The Jack Benny shov tonight was written by Milt JosefsberE John Tackaberry, A1 Gordon, Hal Goldman and produced and transcribed by $illiard Marks .

I 3'he-Jaok Benny~ m vss brough~youa-0y uc Strike,

j . product of ~~canTobaoco bmpany~....~nerica~s g manufacturer of cigarettes

RS

Rrxot oozo3es I _22_

A6RBBRT TARYTON NR 301F

Filter smokers! True tobacco taste . . .rea1 filtration . .

famous TAREYTON quelity . . .they're al youra when you

smoke Filter Tip TAREYTON . Filter Tip TAMYTON gives

you all the full, rich taste of TARLMPON'S quality

tobecco and real filtration, too, because Filter Tip

TAREYTON incorporates Activated Charooel, renowned for its unusual povers of selective filtration . Look for the red, white end blue stripes on the package . They idenfify Filter Tip TARGYTON, the beat .in filtered smoking .

DJN: The Jack Benny program was brought to 8ou by the

-Americen Tobacco Company . . Am9rica's .leading

manufacturer of cigarettes . .

TB.

prxo 1 o0zoass (JBN # 13) P80GRAM //19 REVISED SCRIPT

AMERICAN TOBAC00 COMPANY

LUCKY STRIKE ., ~ l ,,,`1,c_n C gl THE JACK BRNMC PROORPM

SUPIDAY . JAMJARY 30, 1955 CR9 4 :00-4 :30 FM PST (TranecribeC - Nov . 1, 1954)

CAST : JACK BENNY ROCHB.STER DENNIS DAY DON WIISON JOE KEARNS -ARTIB AU92$ACK M]AffiAN MES2RICK VEOL4 VONN MEL B1ANC JFhtII~,qTE 8YIAANN

DY

pi 90 1,-0020 3 9? . TNE AMERICAN TOHACW OoMPANY -A- yTRS JACK BENNY PROGRAM ( JAffirARY 30, 1955 OPENItyi OONPIEROIAL WILSON : THE JACK BENNY PROORAM . . . transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike, the cigarette that's toasted to taste better! -(FULL ORCH VERSION) . "If you want better taste from your cig-a-rette, Luc Strike is the brand to getl

. PP'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet, It's the toasted (CLAP . . . CLAP, CLAP) oig-a-rette .

I The take fine tabacco, it's liaht tobaooo, .lt's ~ mild tob~c~o , too / ~ Then IT'S TOA5Tl3D, yes, IT'S TOASTID, j because the toastis$ brings the .rY4vor right i through . I i So, to get bette aste from .y6,R aig-a-rette, Luc Str/ike s the brand to get! 1~I IT'S ASTED to give you the best taste t,

1I I s the toasted (CL4P . . . CLAP, CLAP) c tt@ el" /~ \~_1

WILSON: Friends, this is Don WS1son If you're not getting aL1 the enjoyment you shOald be getting from your present cigarette, switoh to Lucky Strike .-- and

see for yourself how much more rea1, deep down smoking enfoyment~oi, get from Luckies' better

taste . (MORE) DY

RTX01. 0020398 TNE A1dBRICAN TOBACCO COMPANY a - THg JAC$-WW FRC(tRAM JANUARn 30, 1955 -B-

OPENINC COt@+IIS1iCIAL (CONT'n) WIISON: A lucky tastes better because it's the cigarette of (CONP'U) fine tobacco and IT'S TOASTEC to taete better . 1T'S

TOASTEC is the famous Lucky Strike process that tobes

up Luakies' fine, naturally good-tasting tobacco to

make it taste even better . Cleaner, fresher, smoother .

Yes, find out for yourself . Buy a carton of better

tasting Lucky Strikel

D%!

HiXOi .0020399 (FffBT ROU_"T17E) .

(AFPER COMMEiCIA7., MUSIC UP AND ilOWN) DON: THB 1T.CKY STRIISg PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BIsTVN1 . . .WITH .WRY LNIHG6TONE, ROCkESTER, DINNIS DAY, BOB CROSBY, ANil "YOUFS TRUL?" DON WILSON . - (APPLAUSE . .LFSIC UP ASW DOWN) . .

IION: IADI35 AND GENPLFd+EN . .ONE OF THE JOBS THAT ALL b1F.R4 POSTPONg .

AS I :•tiY'r AB POSSIBLS IS CLFANINO OSIP THE ACCUIVL4TI0N OF JUNK

TH?S ;zx.T}gR5 IN THE GARAGE . . .WELi„ JACK BENNY HAS PUT IT OFF

AS ICM AS P0SSIBLE, AND AS WE IAOK IN ON HID1, Hg AND RCCH6TE2 ARE BU3Y WITH THYS CHORE

.

( SOUND : THINGS BEING MOVEO) JACK: Well, now we're beginning to get somewhere, Roohester .

Give s:,' those cans and bottles to the j unk man sd give the

mcgez imes and papers to the paper drive .

RCCH: M ~~~~~ T_DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH THLS BICYCLE . . .

YOUi1Vw D NY YSARS; . M~K JACK:, Let's ieep it . . .I'll use it again if I oen ever get tires for '_. . Wcourse they're^I'~'°iaxd to get, ROCH: I'-GiCd . . .THE SMALL ONE 18 EASY, BUT THATJGREAT-$IG FRONT

O NE ^ MCRBER . JACK: the garag~ beginning to look a little better now .j. .-'ou know, it looka bright and cheerful the w

u x_~eu vne waixe . ,

F ROOH: THANIG . . . ~UGHt IT WOULD $HIGHPII7 TT UP IF I HUNG UP THE POS.r=£ :17JERTISITIXi 91d~.T}IB PICTORE4 YOll 61NE . .-- -,...., JACK: Yeah . . .let's .see . .Here's one from "Charlie's Aunt" . . .end hsre's ',George Washington Slept Here" .: .."puck Benny Rides ~ Again" . . ."TO Be Or Not To Be" . . .Wait a ffinu Rochester . . . MG vhere's the poster for "The Horn Blows At Mid".? ~

Rr 901 002 0400 -3-

(SOUND: MAIIlMNIS WHISTLE OFF NI%S) . JACK: What's that? .

RCCH: IT'S THE MAIIlMN, .(CALL9) WE'RE BACK HBla3 IN THE GARACH .

KFARtB : (OFF) Okay, I'11 bring it there . JACK: Gee, I feel eorny for meilmen . . .They have tovalk so much.

(SOUND : APPRCACHINC FOCfSTEPS)

KHAR18 : Well . .,hello, Mr . Benny . JACK: ,_ilello., .here, sit down effi reat awhile . R€ARHB :C~~Cee, thanka . . .(SIOHS) 0hh, my feet are Idlling me . a., a-u.. - t- RCOH: YE9H, I WAS ]AOKiNG ATTHHA .ttAND YEP THOSS SHOEI YOII'RH

WEAR?NG SH@i TO BE SOFT AHb CCMA'CRTAflLE . KEARTS: I'm sot wearing shoee . . .these are Dr . Sholl's foo 'Oh . . .but I imagine it muat be exciting del . tera here in B8vesly H111s to all e ebritieb .

KFARNS : Well, it is exciti~~ \ sa its dravba0ka . ROCH: WHAT '0 YCU . . .DJiAWBACKS? KBARNB : I dcn-- mind in the swmaer, but in the v er itI e brutal

.r g into that pool just to give Rether Will her mail .

BB

AT 8 0 1 .00204 0 9 -4-

CK : yes, I have a lot celebritie ay . Bogart, >A~ Burns and Allen, Barbara o~k, Danny Kaye,

Claudette Colbert . sie, Dan De . Burt -_ JACK : . I didn-t sie .livea here in Beve yiille .

KEARNS : Yes, does, . .she lives in that big white ith sign on the lawn, "Beware Of The People," Oh, yes . ~ KEARNS}lell, I better get going, J ,Here , s your mail, Mr . Benny . . .

Juet some circulars,and this copy of Esquir e, 1, JACK : Just put them there on that box .

KEARNS : Aren ' t you going to look through your copy of Esquire?

JACK: U Later . KEARtB : (L+UGFHNAi) No wonder you get laughs when you say youfre . thirty-nine .

JACK: yeah, yeah. _/

KEARNS : Oh, I almost forgot . . .here's your package fromh^Ame°-rican Tobacco Compaqv : Oh yesi .my Lucky. JACK Strikes : You get these packages quite. REARMS ofte{n~...~ ~' JACK: Yes, it-s oourtesy they show me .lJ .Ever since pve worked ~~f~,onr tYSm, they've sent me two f Jre'e cartons a week .

KEARNS : ,~~Gee; that's nice ., .Well, goodbye

: Goodbye . . JACK (SCUND: DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS) ROCH : CCMg GN, MR, BSNNY,, .LEvS FINISH CLEANING UP THg GARAGE .

JACK: Okay,,,but first take the mail in the house and put the

cigarettes in the machine . . .I111 finish up here,

MG

fliX0 1 0020402 -s-

ROCH:~~ YFS, SIR. JACK :Jcc, WeMb got the garage looking pretty good nov . . .Let's eee . .

I better put these garden tools out of tha .Ray. . .I won't be needing them for awhile i:.I'11 put this rake here . . . ~

DOND FAE

JACK: I A nd wochester comes back, he'll help me move pl'6. . .No~ what e1./. .Oh, for heavens sake , . Look at

this rifle . . .I almost forgot about it . . .I remember I

bought it a couple of years ago to go hunting with the

musicians,, .m then at the~last minute I couldn't go . . .

The boys said I missed a real good time .,,That was a ..

funny thing they tokl me about Samsy the Thvmmer . . .They

said that in spite of the fact that he's a great big

rough tough guy, he cried like a baby when they shot a

duck.,, . .Wait a minute, . .did they say they shot a duck,

or he forgot to duck . . .I'm going to go next time, it sourds like so swoh fun, shooting Samop . . .Those fellows --

DENRIS iL4 Hello, Mr . Benny, I came over to tell you-xl--Fr - -

JACK: Ob, hello, Dennis . : He11o,,,I came over to1~ ~,, ~ IENNIS iak~ ya-- JACK: How do you feel kid 14

came over to tell ~JACK

: How did ycu know I was in thel garage?

DBNNIS : Rochester told me . .

Me

ATXO1 0 020403 1 -6-

JACK: Oh.,Well, what do you want, Dennis?

DENNISILOeme over to tell you that I - m running ,a~May from home .

JACK : ,,D,lh,~for heavens sakes, another one of tiLil~-.eilly things . Dffi7M5 :1 Not thie time, . .I'm really running away for good .

JACK: For good?

DRNNIS : Yeg.Jt,and I'm never coming back home again .

JACK : No kidding, Dennis . . .did you tell your mother?

DENNIS : She told me.

JACK : HPm. . .A11 right, Derinis . . .tell me . . .wbat was the argument about this time? DENNiS : Well, it wasn' t my fault . . .We were arguing over what to watch on television, JACK :/^ Ck Television? DE[QNIS : Uh huh, .,I wanted to watch a movie and my mother wanted to watch The Greatest 8ights of the Century, JACK: Oh, DENNIS : What a bam, always hoping they'll show the time she stopped Galento .

JACK: Look, Dennis, this is a very interesting discussion, ~

I'd like to continue it and broaden my mind, but I i ve got

' work to do .

Dffi1NISV,,What are. you doing? JACK: Vt I'm cleaning out the garage . . DENNIS :~Nhet ara you going to do with that big pile of junk in the middle? JACK

: That's mv carl : . . . . .Nov get out of my way .

ATMOt 0020404 -7- DMmIS~'isut fa^ - JACK: Look Dennls, if You want to t~hang arou:d, don't bother me . . .Let me bsar yuu"ong

DETM S : Okay . ~ .

(APPLAUSE)

(DENNIS-S SONO -- 'bOUNf YWR BII~SINOS") (APPlA9SE)

SB

Arxot 00 2 0405 -s- (SEWRD RCUTIRE) JACK :_ Dennis, that song sounded ani~k C~ .~-~,~+.f : Y51H, MR . DAY, IT WAS REALLY BRAU IF1ftf•. . T ., -A ROCH

JACK : You know, Dennis, the years roll on, VW I keep telling

you what a wonderful singer you are, and sometimes it

seems I can't tell you•enough. Most singers voices

remain the same, bu yours is like old wine that seema

to improve with age . Your voice eaemsi be more

vibrant, more mellow, more --

DEP]NIS : Get it over with, I Mp gotte find a place to sleep

tonight . rXf- ~~er .•-••.--e JACK : a minute, Dennis ,o, . I e an empty guest room, and you .can stay till things quiet down at hcme . DENNIS : (R?ALLY TGUCHEJ) Gee, Mr . Benny, that's the nicest thingl~^-~ anyone ever did for me . .andJ~JI hope you don't think I'm nngrateful . .but I couldn't move in here . . .I . . .we11 . . .I don't like the people in the neighborohood .

JACK: (AMAZED) You meenthe Colmans4

DENNIS : No, you • JACK: "rmmm .r

~L,4 . DAY, WHn'[ E ARE YOU GOING TO LLVE DEhII7IS : I ing to get a room at th_e

JACK : Lookb Dennis.:b_do, want to get into any discussions I know__Vmsilly for even trying to help .but take my word for it . . . ' l be much better off I aU/ the YMCA . `/NNIS : I~yb wonder you get laughs when you say you'Fe thirt JAOK: Rochester, we'11 put the magazines on top of the newspapers7G:,~ .

RTX010020406 -9-

ROCH : ARE YOU GOING TO IGNORE HIM, BOSS? JACK: Yes, if you do, sometimes he goes away . . . Nov I went to clean all the top shelves off and --

DENNISa,Say, Mr . Benny, while you and Rochester are working, do

q., you mind if I fool around with this hunting rifle?

JACK : Go right ahead, it's losded . . .Nov Rochester, after we olean the shelves, I want to`JL°---'

ARTIE : (COMING IN) Hello,-Mr . Benny . Hello, everybody . JACK : Well, Mr . Kitzel . (APPLAUSE)

ARTIE : I rang the doorbell, and when no swered, I came baok here to the garage . JACK : q~~~ I~f, I'm glad you did . IE : Seme here . . . I was wondering maybe youoeh help me out

JA Help you out? ARTIE : Yes . . .mine lodge is having their annual dinner nce next

and I have to entertein . .I thought 4 e you could

give me ome jokes to tell .

DENNIS : Why don't yo ing "Clar.cy Lower ARTIE : This I did last y JACK : You did?

ARTIE : Certainly . .(SINGS) that~enoy, Cy thet Clancy, Whenever he got }rI/SIrish up --

DENNIS & ARTIE : Clancy lowe d the boom, boom, boom, bo boom, b m . JACK : (IA NG) Sey, that's cute . .Mr . Kitzel, you g~to my c ice, and my seoretary Bert Scott will give you a jokes you went .

Ar801 0020407 -10a

Oh, he~has them onfile there? JACK : No, he meFes-them up _he's etter than my writers . .

Helievo me . -~ - . .

ARTy-We11, thafnks a lot . . . I've got____ to be runnin-g l2ong . : . IROCH: SAY, MR . KIT2EL . .I JUST NOTICED . . .ISN'T YOOR JAW A LITTLE . SWOLLEN? ;Wdnephew just opened up a dentist's office, and I went to him this morning ARTIE : Yeay ;

:&q, And you had a tooth pulled?. JACK ARTIE : Five of them . JACK: You had five bad teeth? ARTIE : Only one bad : Then hov come you let him pull the other four? ARTIE . JACK : Fte's a beginner, he needs the experience : Oh . JACK . yz,~ LaQ ARTIE : But he's going to be e~ver I good dentistK .He's st111U - studying herd . .He wents to specialize in stopping pain . . He's studying the nerves ofitke•.eth . JACK : Really? ARTIE : Yesll,you should see how delioately ims ,~w~ftY.s . .He removes

the nerves from' eth, end hangs them on tiny little racks,

JACK : Gosh, that must be hard wcrk! .

ARTIE.t.~p ~nerve wrecking . . JACK :~~ itzel, you vent through all that just to tell me a joke4

ARTIE : (LAUGRS) Nyy . . .I guess I'm still a littlesilly from the laughing gas he gave me . JACK : Oh, he used laughing gas as an anaesthetio~ '

ar 9 o 1 oo 2 o 4 oe `~^- ARTIE: Yes, @~d~it~s the silliee hing . . .he puts ift pliers in my mouth, turns on the gas and it etarts . . .I'm laughing,

he's pulling. . .he's pulling, I'm laughing. .Cy, such a mish mash .

JACK: Gosh, I never had tbat . . .HOw long did you keep laughing? ARPIE : Until he banded me tbe bill . CK : No . ln~ * .' ( SOUm: PHONE RINGS OFF MIKE) ROOH: THAT'S THE PHONE, BOSS . .WANf ME TO 00 IN THB .HOUSE AND ANSWEN IT?

JACK: No, I want to go ien~and get a glass of water anyway .

ARTIE : Well, I better le 2-now . DENNIS : Me,. too V _

(SOUND: PHONE RINGS OFF MIKB AGAIN) JACK: Excuse me . .I'll see you later, fellows . .So long .

(SODND:+ FOOTSTEPS ON'SIDSWF.LY. .THEN PHONE RINOS AGAIN. .FOOTSTEPS UP WOODEN STE,PS . .SCREEN DOOR OPEN4 . .CWPlE FOOTSTEPS . .PHONE R'[NGS. . . RH:EIVIIt UP) JACK: ; (PUFFING A ISTTLE) Hello? t

JACK : Gh, hello, Claudotte . Pice of you to call . Dinner? SatUdday night?

Gh, s•ure . . . sure . (loodbye . CR ROORESTFR, 3B 9A93 TO Hx9E iSiSS

C01E72T'S TABLE CLOTHS PSADY BY SATU4MY tIIGhT . I'11 take them over

in person . Then, maybe . . .

AT 9 01--0 020409 . -12-

MAHLCN Nell, he saved the bars himself, but I hadde put u the ledder . JACK : on, you shouldn't heve . . .now ve won't ~~ where he is n hts . . . . Hut will the arrangement -bs~finished tomorrow . MAHf.GN : Yea .

JACK : Good .•Now I wen the full or estra beceus0be at rehearsel I'm gofng to see

FSCcuse me, Jack, but<- e get to hang up ~now, somebody

is waiting to use e ph e . JACK: Aren't you home? _ MARLCN : No, I'm call g from e gasolin station . .Remley stopped off here t get filled up .

JACK: Wait a ute . .2 didn't know Frankie ad a car .

MAHI,ON : He hg n't, he'll drink anything . ~ JACK : Gh~ ~

MAHIAN : 7Ie1l, so long, Jack . JACK : /Goodbye . \ (SOUND : RECEIVIIt DCWN)

JACK! C-ee . .imegine Frankie drinking gasoline . .Ihope 1 '8 Mcbilges, then everybody can "Look for the sign o the Flying Red Guitar player" . . .Gee, what a bunch of 4ys . .I don't know why I keep them around . .They can't p1e music

. .a lot of the time .they don't even bother show up for the program . .When they do show up, they're alwey

inebriated . .Now that I think of it, those fel ws haven't

sobered up once in all the years they'v en with me . . .

If they ever startoashing_yheir-oliecks, I'm gonna fire them . . .5ometSme I xhink --

(sotmm : noGR BUZZER)

AT 901 , 0020410 f _13_

JACK : , Oh, the front door . (SCUND : COUPLE FOOTSTHPS . .DOOR OPFIiS)

DON : Hello, Jack . JACK : Oh hello, Don . . .come on in . (SOUND : DOOR CLJSE9)

JACK: You know, Don, when the door bell rang, I knew it wes you

standing on the front porch

: How did you. DON know? ,

JACK : Because I didn't have to walk to the door . . .I slid, it

was down hill . .It was that simple .

DON: (SARCASTIC) He ha ha••eome joke . .verrrrry,£unny• JACK : Nuh?

DON : ® o nig comedian always making cracks at my expense . JACK : Don, I don't knov why you should always be so sensitive about it . . .after all, you are fat

: il W , I'11 tell you why I resent it. DON . . .It's not my fault ~'r I'm heavy . .it's my glands . JACK : Your glands? DON : Yea)L,they weigh two hundred pounds . . JACK : 4ft Jo- ~ a 4~.,,._1 Q.$.. 7 S .~(.s DON : ~ it's ab ut time you '9ltopped kidding- me about being fat . . .Everybody who knows you says that you're

becoming somewhat chubby yourself . JACK : Me? That's ridiaulous . . .For the past dozen years my weight has always been a hundred and sixty pounds . DON : Oh yeah . .well, I'll bet you weigh a lot mote than 160 pounds right now . Y1' lo., JACK: Don, I'll prove to you that you're wrong .^Foliow me . (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS SUSTAIN AS JACK 2ALKS)

RTS901 . 0020411 -14- JACK : I have some scales in the bathroom andwe'11 see just how much I do weigh . - (SOUND : DOOR OPENS) . JACK : Here we are . (SOUSCALE BEING PCLLED OUT) JACK : Now hereik t saa19• .M I'11 get on : SCALE NOISES) . (SOUND JACK : All right, I'm on it, Don . DON: (TRIUMPHANT) Yeah, yeah . .and look what it says . .l69 pounds JACK: Say . .it does say that . .yQan't understand how I gained so much . .Oh, I know what the extra nine -p.ounde is . .i~ib --No, I left my wallet in my other pents ~~.~~6m gaining weight . . Don, .you get on, I want to see how much you weigh . DON : Well . . .ell right . (SOUND : NANON SCALE . .SMAIY REVOLVING NOISES . . TFM "PI1PG" ) . DON : Gee, I never saw that before . .a card ccmfng out of a bathroom scele . JACK : That-s not a card . .that's a spring . .Gee, Imagine me being so mush overwelght . .I'm going to go right on a diet and eat nothing but rye krisp and lettuce . DON :Jack, that's fine, but I'll tell you scmething lileC I ,ust started . JACK: :y,~~~ What?/~ DON ;iast week I Joinedthe Beverly Wilshire Aei9lth Club and I ~ -e.. exercise in the gym ~there and take steam 6aths, masseges and everything .

JACK : Hey, that, sounds great .

DON : °{"Moold fact, I Yfaon my way there now . .how %b about ~~ folning me? DON : ~ Don, you WA got a deal . .Let's go . . I (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS . .BOOR OPENS . .F00'('STEPS ON CEKEVT) JACK : Don, where's your oar7

AT 80 1 ._ 0020412 -15-

DON : AXMPMF You want to lose weight, you+A!-got to waLk a Lot .

JACK : You ' re rSght . .I'L1 tell Rochester I'm leaving. .(CALL4) Oh, Rochester . .

ROCH : (OFF) YES, BO

: (CALLS) I ' m pSS? JACK ing over to the BeverLyWilshire Health Club ROCR : (OFF) SHALL I GET YOUR CAR GVT? JACK : No, I'm goir.g to walk . ROCH : , hC,O,W~A,RTi! JACK

: '~Y s£op with t`.ose cracks about my car ., . - Come on, Don,

Let ' s go .

(TRANSITION 6IUSIC) ~~~

(SOUND : FOOTSTEPS)

DON : (~C.K,Gee, itIs a n`_ce day . JACK: Yea,6 I Love watking here in BeverLy Hill,s bAeemm---

llON : VM . . . .9ay, Jack _--- . . JACK: What?

DON : Isn't that your neighbor's nurse over there .pushing the

baby carriage?

JACK: yes . . .You 'r- :ow, that baby must be over a year old now . - JM a smart taby1tw

DON : ~~ nw,Yeah, and awfu :ly oute, too . JACK :L,~w,He re Here they come . . .HeLLo, you oute Little thing . . .Coochy

coochy coochy . . . . . coochy coochy pRa, DY

11 rx 01 002041 3 Jack, Leave the nurse alone ~ pay attention to the baby .

JACK : +E Oh yes, my gLasses are so thick . . .8ay nurse, this sure is a sweet baby, isn't it?

VEOhA : Oui cui, Monsieur . . .C'est une beba tres bonne .

a Je n'a1 pas vu 1a mare de la b4bA depuls hier . a-t-elle? VEOW+ : 311e tres bien, merci, ~e11~ dit souvent de vous . JACK : 3ckoosay mwa . voodray~6on p~aton du pom free t . VSOLdt: ~~,aoi?

JACK: Don, what I say? DON : '!ou ad her for an order of FreT~Fried potatoes .

ACK : . .oh, .Z meant to say she was a nice

ON : Gee, Jack, that baby is so cute .

ACK : Yeah .

MEL : iooos) JACK: Listen to that .

MEL :

JACK : (G'J[KfIES) Coochy, coochy, coo . MEL : ;C?IES) "~~~F9:~ecLha_=Y6tY8 . _

~~.u..; ~.-..~.t- . _-vw.: -- ...4..... cE...:cs c ..-1 JACK : ~.M1•Nere'sa,~little geme that all bebies 11ke . . ;iow pay attention„ Saby . . .This Little piggy went to

market . . .th1s little piggy stayed home .

MEL : (GURGLES) JACK : This Little piggy hed xuast beef, and this little piggy had none .

Rrxo I 0020414 MEL : (GOFOLES) JACK : And this little piggy cried wee wee wee vee wee . .4.+.e" --~- DON :~// Jack, if we want to .get to the club, we better get going . JACK :" Okay . .waltlLl I put my ahoe on . . . . There . . .doodbye, baby. MEL: (GURGLES)

DON: Au revoir, Mademoiselle . VEOLA : Au Revoir . . .Oh, Pardonnez moi, Monsieur .

DON : Oui, Mademoiselle?

VDJLA : Donnerez-voua une cigarette de moi, s l il vous plait? JACK : What did she say, Don? ~~.~J o DON: She asked me for a cigarette . . .Here you are, Mademoiselle . VEOLA : Ooh, la la, Lucky Strike . .Cette Cigarette 6st ma marque favorite .

DON : V ell, I T mA glg hear you say it's your favorite brand . ~ .i, JACK• , ItIs my favorite, too, Mademoiselle . .Any time you want Lucky Strikes youcan come over to my house, I have a

machine fu1L Don, ask her if she knows the Lucky

Strike song . . .I ' d like to hear how it sounds in Frenoh.

DON : ?3ademoiselle, savez-vous chanter Ia chanson de Lucky

Strike en Francais? VEOIA

: Gui, oui . . (THEN SINGS) ~-4 i(--'---~^- .

Si vous voulez mieux aout dans Ia cigarette, Lucky Strike est la marque acheter . .

. C l est Toasted donner a vous le mieux gout ..

C l est La toasted (Ooh• .la Ia) cigarette .

(APPLAUSE)

JACK : flw,•e erybody on the street is applauding . . .they all like Lucky Strikes . DY

HTH01 0020415 VF.OLA :'yn,Weli, why shouldn't they . . .LUckies are oleaner .,fresher, . smoother .

JACK: Yes, yes . . .they certainly are . . DON : MM , Jack, we better hurry . . . . BonJour,Mademoiselle . JACK: Bonjour .

VEOIA : Bonjour, Monsieurs, , (SOIIfID : F00'PSTEPS . .SUSTAIN IN B .G .) .

JACK : Gee, I didn ' t know she spoke a * English . DON : Neither did I . .You know, when she first c9me over here, she was a displaced person . o- "

JACK : Rea11y . . .We11, ev@rything seems to be^~ed-right~no~ w . . Come on,~ Ibn, let's go . ~.

DON ; Ye~Na~+nd Jack, the first thinge we~'~11 do yhen we get to the ' c~luqb~ i,~s tgke astea~ bath~'F^^-" ~ ..•-i%-..-1- ~-+-~ {< ,f.e . TR0.NSITIAN Mi7$3C) ~ V (SOUNID : LIGHT HISSIN3 OF STEAM, .$USTAIN IN B .G.)

JACK : How long have we been in this steam roomnow, Don? DON : JACK: Oh, about a half hour, We'll have to get out soon„ I can't take too much of

this heat~~ P-- DON : 8Ts awful7.y hot in here : I'11 say, . .Boy, I haven't. JACK sweated like this since they closed the banks in nineteen thirty-three . . .Whewl

(SOUND : FIVE SECONDS HISSIN7 STEAM

ey, they must have turned on more s

thing .

DON : - - Jac heat melted _e and it slipped down over your tiyes . .

Rrxo1 ; oo2oats '19'

JACK : Let's get out of here .

DCN : Okay .

(SOUND : DCGR OPENS & CLOSES)

DON : Here, Jack, put on these trunks .

JACK : Gee, this club provides everything . .DON : y*-c-e,It really does . . .Now let's put on these terry oloth bath G~..L robes and go into the gynA r meet the inetructor . JACK: I'm right with you .

(SOUND : DOOR OPENS & CLOSES)

DON : Oh, here's the instructor now . MEL : (SNIFFS A LA PUNCH FIGHTER) Oh, hello, Mr . Wilson . (SNIFFS)

DON : Oh, hello, Kayo . . .Jack, this is Kayo Stevens . . .Kayo, this is Jack Benny, -i~- )

MEL ; Hey (SNIFFS) Jack Benny from radio and t9lev~slotR (SNIEFS)

JACK : Ye6A,.pleased to meet you, iCayo : (SNIFFS) The feeling is (S:7IFFS). MEL mutual DON : You know, Jack,,,Kayo used to be a prize ~ightere. MEL:~s-(l)That's right (~ Mr . °_enny (SNIFFS)j,,,/Hsd my first fight in 1940 (SNIFFS) . JACK : Really?

MES, : Yep (SNIFFS) I spent twelve years in the ring (SNIFFS) . JACK : Twelveyears~ MEL : Yep, but I finally came to, got up, andwent home (SNIFFS)

DY

HiX 01 0020417 -2o- JACK: Oh. MEL: Okay, gentlemen, take off your bathrobes .

DON & JACK:, AD LIB OKAYS.

Dffi, : ^ '6eforevestart, Mr . Benny (SNIFFS) I vaTma see your

physique so I can knpw what exercises to give you (SNIFFS)

. . .Turn around a couple of times . JACK: -4w. CU-e (SCIIND : FOOTSTEPS AS JACK TURNS) JACK: Well, how do I look? ME[.: No wonder you get laughs when you say you're thirty-nine .

JACK ; What? MII.: (SNIFFS) JACK: Ncmm. MII,: Well, I think I'11 start you aud Mr . Wilson off with the regular bending exercises . .,are you ready?(SMFB'S) DON: I'm ready, Kayo JACK: . . Me, too

MEL: Okay,, .Now as I count, bend down and touch the floor . JACK & DON: Okay.

MII,: Or.e, two, three, four, R. j Serd dc~-,~tc4chn t~ floor (SMF~5 ) wldh C One, txo, ltDr6e-& Mr . Wilson, you ain't doing it right, DON;,~ What's wrong? oMII .:Lo4,You're supposed to touch the floor with yourfingers, not your stomach .

JACK: Yes, Don, you're not getting any benefit out of this .

BB

Ar 9o 1 oo2 o418 . 1 ~ MEL : ~ ~'think-°-0` that'll, D - be all for today . . (SNIFFS)

JACK: That's all? , ._'/~ensa ..,+ M6L.: Yeah,,,no sense,overdoing it the first time, (SNIFFS)

JACK: Say, Kayo,~ don't want to get personal, but I'd like to

ask you why boxers always do that .

MEL : Do what? (SNIFFS)

JACK: That . (SNIFBS) . .,Whenever boxere talk, they .go (SNIFFS) all the time, (SNIFFS)

NII"s[.:'U,I don't know why the rest of them do it (SNIFFS) but I got a cold . (SNIFFS)

JACK: Oh, well, I'm gled you explained it, MEL : W"" /~.e.ee,Now go back in the steem room £or about ten minutes before gol,ng home .( JACK: ~:..okay,,,aome l ( on, Don. (SOUND : QUITE A FEW FOOTSTEFS . . .b00R OPSN9 . . .

Mo F'ODTSTEP3)

JACK: Let's see .,t, .this is the steam room here . . .

(SOUND : DOOR OPEPS, .,CLC6F9)

BB

AT 901 0020419 -22-

JACK : (CGll6NS) Gee, the eteam is much thicker than when we left . I can't see a thing .

DON : Same here . . .~poesn't seem,•e*be as hoti'"~'.-e~•

JACK: Yeah . . . .Let's aee if we can find a place to sit down .

DON : Fat I can't see .

.JACK : Neither can I, but follow me . Maybe we can find---

Whoops, sorry I busperl into you

: That's all right, I can't see a thing. JENNY eith@r . JACK : . . . .Don, Don, what's a woman doing in the steam room?

JENNY : This is no steam room, this is Santa Monica Boulevard .

JACK : Well, I'11 be darned; JMdcl ~ amog is awful . . .Come on, Don, let's get back in .

(APPLAUSE & PLIYCFF )

DY

Rrx 01 o 0 2 04 2 0 TRE AME RLCAN TOBACCO COMPANY TNE JACK BENIV.Y PROGRAM JANUARY go, 1955 -C- CIOS_II8} COmRCZ4L

WIISON : Just before Jack comes back again, here's a word for

anyone who enjoys a good cigarette . (TRATfiSCRJSED) . N'ULL ORC$: "If you want better taste from your cig-a-rette, uc VEBSION) S t rike is the brand to getl .

Pi'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet, . It's the toasted (CIAP . . . CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-rette .

They take fine tobacco, it's ht tobacco, it's

mild tobacco, too . Then IT'S TOASTED, yes, IT'S TOASTED,

because the toasting brings the flavor right through .

So, to get better taste f v'G you .^ oig-a-rette,

Strike is the brand .to gett IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet, IV s the toasted (CTAP . . .CIAP, CLAP)

cig-a-rettel" -

WIISON : All you have to do is look at a pack of L+wkies, friends, .

an: you'll see the reasons for Luckies' better taste

printed right on the pack : L9/1gT, Lucky Strike means

fine tobacco . Light naturally mild, goo3-tasting

tobacco . And -- IT'S TOASTED . IT'S TO.STB) to taste

bet~er . IT'S TOASTBD is the famous Lucl~r Strike process

that tones up Lucki.es' fine tobacco . . . . brin'sing it to its

peak of flavor . . .making it taste even better . ( ) MORE

01 00 04 Arx 2 2 1 1 -D-

WIL40N: Cleaner, fresher, emoother . So, Be Happy -- Go LuclC9i (CONTID) Make your next csrton of cigarettes - better tasting

Lucky Striket

(TRANSCRIM) . (FULL ORCR, If you vent better taste from your cig-a-rette, Luoky VI$i8I0N) Strike is the brand to getl .

IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet,

It' s the toasted (CIAP . . .CL4P, CLAP)

cig-a-rettel

Rmot . oozoaa2 J

TAG) JACK : Don, that was the most embarrassi hing that

happen to me . .being out in the et like this . DON : Yeah, I'm we found oupn/ay back into the club . JACK: Oh - here's the S8 eam Room" . Let'a go in. Don. (SWND: ~DOOROP .HISSIN3 OF STSAM) DUN : Gee, ltI s nice and warm in

JACK: I stilY oan't see a thing . . I'm go DRNNI8 : ch; Hey, you're sltting on me, Miste JACK: Dennis, what are you doing here in the steeln I told you I had tofind someplace to sleep`tonight\

JACK: - - Goodnight,folks . i Q--ELj (APPLAUSE & MUSIC) a ~ ~ .

BB

RT909 :0020423 -24- DGN: The Jack Benny Show tonight was written by 3Wp Perrin, Milt Josefeberg, George Balzer, John Teckaberry, Hal

Goldman, Al Gordon, aBd produced arrl tranecr],bed by

Hilliard Marke .

CT4e-3aelrBeney-Yrn¢raugY was brougyt tb_ym~--by-Luotc,V- -3 e, product merican Tobecoo Cl~pany~~AnqC~ica's eading manufacturer of cigarettes .

BB

arx 0100 2 04 2 4 BFRB~ TAREYTON

Filter smokers! Here's thetrue tobacco taste you've

been looking for . Filter Tip TARkRTON glves you all the

full, rich flavor of TARbYTCN'S famous quality tobacco . . .

and real filtration, too! Filter Tip TAREYTON

incorporates Activated Charcoal, renowned .for its

unusual powers of selective filtreticn and used far and

wide to purify the eir ve breathe, the vator and

beverages we drink . Look for the red, white and blue

stripes on the package . They identify Filter Tip

T-4NG"YTON, the best In filtered smoking .

The Jack Benny Program was brought to you by the

2~erican Tobacco Company . . . America's leading

manufacturers of cigarettes . .

DY

RTH01=.,0020425 I

(J.B .R.7 ), PROGRAId #20

MIERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY _ LUCKY STRIlQs'

THE JACK BEN1vY PROGRAM

SUPmAY FEBFiUARY 6, 1955 CBS 4 :00 - 4 :,~0 PM PST

(Transeribed - May 24, 195 :)

CAST : JACK BENNY MARY LIVINOSTOi'W, ROC}iFSTER DHNNIS DAY BOB CROSBY DON HZISON TRE SPORTSMEN QUARIT.T FRANK iVF;LSON BEA B^chE9ARET MEL BLANC BE1VIvY RUBIN

L

-• MO

RTH 0 1 002042 ? 4"

THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY TN8 JAOK BEIVNY PROGRAM' # 3 FEBRUARY 6, 1955 7 :00 - 7 : 3 01MF.4T OPEi+ING OOtMAERCIAL

WILSOiJ : THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM . . . tracscribed and presented by Lucky Strike, the cigarette that's toasted to taste

better : (TRANSCRIBBC A CAPELLA VERSION) "If you want better taste from your cig-a-rette, Luoky

Strike Is the brand to get l IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet, It's the toasted (CLAP . . .CLAP, CLAP) oig-a-rette .

WILSON : This is Don Wilson . As cigarette smokers, you and I know the most important single thing any cigarette can

offer is taste -- better taste . And as many millions of Lucky smokers will tell you -- Lackies' teste better .

You know why? Beoause "IT'S TOASTFD"I Yes, IT'S

TOASTED to taste better. Luckies' better taste actually

begins with the fine tobacco that goes into every

Lucky Strike . 15/MFT, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And then, that fine tobacco is toasted . IT'S TOASTED : That's the famous Lucky Strike process that tones up Luckies' naturally mild, good tastinP, tobacco-brings it to its peak of flavor -- makes it taste evenbetter . Cleaner, fresher, smoother . So, for better taste in your cigarette, Be Happy -- Go Luckyf Buy a carton of better tasting Lucky Strike ;

MG

RTif01 .0020428 (FIRST ROUTINE) (AFPER COWdERCIAL, MUSIC UP APm DOWN)

DOW: THE UJCI{Y STRIKE PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BENNY . . .WITH MARY LIVIiYGSTOtE, ROCHESTER, DEiSVIS DAY, BOB CROSBY,

AND "YOURS TRULY" DON WILSON .

(APPLAUSE. .MUSIC UP AM) DOWN) DON : LADI&4 AND G NPLII+EN, TOXIGHC JACK BEiVnY DQES A~-NOYHER ~ OF HIS PROGRAMS OVER THE C .B.S .~JA+.NEPWORK. . .

BUT MEANWHILE, LEP'S GO OUT TO JACK'S HObIC IN BEVERLY

HILLS, WHERE, AS YOU KNOW, HE ISVES ALOiE WITH HIS

BUTLER, ROCHESTER . IT'S NINR-THIRTY IN THB MORNING AND,

AS USUAL, ONE IS IN BED WHILE THE OT'ER IS IN THE .

KITCHEN PREPARING BREAKFAST .

JACK : (PAUSE) iJow let's see, where are the e&6s? . . . . Gee, it's

so hard to find anythin6 in this refri 6 erator. Maybe I

ou&hta trade it in . I hear the newer models have a

light in 'em . Oh, here's an e L4 y on the bottom shelf.

(HUMS) Pretend you're happy when you're.blue . . .Should I have one eEyg or take two . . .Eh, one egg's~enough . . . . I,)ust said two so it would rhyme . (SOUND : AEPRIGENATOR DOOR CLO .SES) JACK : I think I'11 scramble it . . .ISt's see, now . . .first I'll break it into this bowl .

(SOUD : FIVE CLICKS OF B3G ON SIDE OF BOWL)

JACK: Hnmlm9n . -

(SOUPID : FIVE OLICKS OF FL'G OF SIDE OF BOWL) .Maybe I letter have my JACK : Gosh, I'm veak In thermrning . . orange 3uioe first . . .Yeah . . I'l1 make some'orange ,juiee .

MG (SOUND : CUITINCr ORAN(}E . .SQUEEZIIS'i JVICE IINfO GIASS)

Arxo 1 0020429 i -2-

juice sure looks good . . . JACKqJACK : (IDJMS "PREPEriD") .^ That orange Nov to get the seeds out . . .There ' s one . . .two. . .three. . .

four. . .five . . .I think I'll go outside atd -~- Nah, it would take them years to grow . . .(SINGS) Pretend you - re

happy when you ' re blue. . .da da da da da da da --

(SOU'D : PHONE RIMS OFF)

JACK : Now who can that be? (30UPD : FEW FOOTSTEPS . . .DOOR CPEIyS AI'm CIASES . . . IAId'i FOOTSTEPS .. . PHONE RIHpS A6AIN . . . RECEIVER UP) JACK : Hello . RUBIN : Hello, this is Russer's Jewelry store in B9Venly Hills . JACK: Yes . ,

RUBIM : The dlamorM necklace with the emerald perl9ant you

ordered is ready atd-we can deliver it tedeV, . .Please

have your check for .twelve thousand dollarsl..xeady .

JACK: Look, this is Jack Aenny . .,You must have the wrong number .

RUBIN : Must have? I haven't been this wrong sinoe I invited my motherir.-law to live with us : RECEIV$H DqiN) . (SOU"D . JACK: _Inw

. (SOUi.D : FOOTSTEPS)

JACK: What reason would I have to buy a dlamond neoklace?

(SOUPID : DOOR OPENS AM) CIASES . . .FOCTSTEPS)

MG

8 7Yl01 -0020430 . Now to have my oran--- JACK: , 1"PM yqok silly on me Say, that's funny, the glass is empty . . . Somebody drank my orange juice. . .Hmm. . .there's nobody in the house but Rochester --- That's it . .RochastoT . .Walt'11

I --

(SOU?77 : FEW FAST FCOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPETIS . . .FAST :'OOTSTEPS . .RUNNING URiTAIRS . .DOWN HALL . .

DOOR OPENS)

JACK: Rochester . . .Rochester, did you drink my orange juice? RCCH: (SNORE) JACK: Rochesterl You're not fooling me . .Get upi ROOH: (LONG SNORE) . JACK: Rochester : ROCH: (Si10RE4 AND KY-6TB5) I .t']i OW I'M CUTE, aONEY, BUT CONPROL YOURSELF . JACK: F6mo . . .maybe he is asleep . . . I'11 tickle him ecd wake him up.

RCCH: (SNORES AP D GIC-0IES) JACK: Rochester -- RCCH: (QUICK SNORE) IT'S YOU, BOSS, WHAT A DISA.PPOINfMENf .

JACK : Now Rochester, : made a glass of orange juice, I went in the next roca to answer the phone, arA when I came

back, the orange juice was gone .

ROOH: MA'L'''E TkT; MICE 7RANK IT .

JACK: Mice don't driri orange juice . .

ROCH: IN CALIFORNIA?

MG

ATYSOt 0020G31 Y -4-

JACK: All right, I know you drank~t ; but we-11 talk about it

later . . Nov get out of bed . ^ I want you too drive me down

town to the doctor's office. I dxta got to go for a physical . - ROCH: WHAT' S THE MATTER, BOSS? Y00 FEEi . BAD? JACK : No no. .it's just that my sponsor is takinE out an insurance policy on me and I have to be ex,emined .

ROCH: HOW MUCH IS THE POLICY FOR ? JACK: A million dollars . .but if I'm killed accidentally, the sponsor collects two million dollars .

ROCH: TWO MILLION? . JACK: Yes : BOSS. , ROCH . .YOU BEPTPR WATCH YOUR STEP. I HEAR YOUR SPOA80R'S HOBBY IS RIFLE SHOOTING

: Oh . .I'm not worried about. JACK that . .He does his target practice on a range way out at Sunset ar,d Westwood . .aa I don't even pass there on my way home .

ROOH: I KNOW, BUT FOR TWO MILLION DOLLARS TH6Y CAN MAKE A

BULLEP THAT WAITS FOR YOU AT PCC AND SBML ,V~=A.

What JACK : are you talkic{rs about? My sponsor is just trying

to protect his investment, that's all . NoY hurry downstairs . '

(SOU :`D ; DOORCIASFS . .FOOPSTEPS DOWN HALL AIa) DOWii STAIRS)

BB

fli 90 1, ; .0020432 -5-

JACK; (OVER FOOTSTEPS) Imabine him denying that .he drank

that orange juice . .(MAD) +)~}t8~ot a_good 4otion to

make him stay in bed all day . .No, he'd like that . (SOUPID : DOOR OPE'rS . .F00TSTEPS) JACK : I better squeeze another orange .

(soarm : ComrInc oRANaR. .Se.oEEaI NG IT) JACK: (HUMS "PREPFS7CN" ) ' .

Well, that does it . MARY: (OFF) OH JACK .,JACK, ARE YW UP Y^C?

JACK: Huh? OH HELTA, MARY, COME ON IN. .I'M IN THE KITQhFJQ. .

WHAT ARE YOU DOING }ff RE SO EARLY?

MARY: Early? I was here a few minutes ago . I came into the house, walked into the kitchen, nobody was there, so I

drank a glass of orange juiceand left . JACK: Mary . .you . .you drank my -- MARY: All right, here's a dime . JACK: (MIMICKiHO) Here's'a dime . .here's a dime .,,Don't be so saxcastic „I've made a terrible mistake . I accused Rochester of drinking my orange juice .

MARY: Well, that's you, Jack . Always jumping to .conclusions . JACK: ?lways what?

MARY : Alweys ,7umping to conclusions .

JACK : Z do not . ~i ( ~ _ MARY : ~1!het about that morning you got out of bed, acd accused Rochester of taking your new suit .

JACK : Well . . .

MARY: Then you took off your nightgown ard there it was .

BB

fliYS01 0020433 3ft

-6- JACK : F~-That wasn't my fault . Wcen I come home tired, he's supposed to undress me . MARY: Well, anyway, I_ drank your orange juice ardyou oughts apologize to Rochester . JACK:(Bi1SHFUL) Oh Mary, I don't have to apologize, he knows I'm aorry. MARY: He does not and you've gotta tell him . JACK: Oh, Mary, I can't, MARY: ~~~ ~qu c.a-n,~ Ctoo ., w be e mer:. \ RCCK: `- 0'" H, HELLO, MISS LNIP'GSTO : ~/

MARY: Hello, Rochester,,,Mr. Benny has somethi77{; to say to you . JACK: . . . . .Oh,,, MARY: Jack, go ahead . JACK: . .-.Well„ MARY: Jack,,, . . JACK: Oh all right,,,,Rochester . . MARY: Turn around and face him :

JACK: Oh . MARY: Go on. JACK: Wel1 . .Rochester„

ROCH: YES, BOSS. .

JACK: . . . .(FAST) I'm sorry I said you drank my ;orangejuice .

(SCUP O : 5 PAST RUiur__IG FOOTSTEPS . .IqUD DOCR SLM-1) MARY: JACK, COME BACK BEREI .

JACK ; (O;F) I WILL i40T :

MARY: C `. What a baby . -

ROCH: WELL, I BEITER GEf TKE CAR OUT. I GOP1'A TAKE MR . BEttYY TO THE DOCTOR. BB

RTH01 - 0020434 MARY: The doctor. . .what for? . ROCH: THE SPONSOR TOOK OUT AN ITSURANOE POLICY AND MR . BENIff HAS TO BE EKAMINED .

JACK: Rochester . MARY: Oh, you' re back . JACK: Yes . .Rochester, get the car now and we'll go . Now I've gotta hurry, Mary, so you -- . (SOUND: PHONE RINGS)

JACK: Oh darn it, there ' s the phone .,Just when I'm reedy to

leave,

(SWtd): RECEIVER UP) JACK : Hello : (RIOH VOICE). DON Hello Jack, guess who this is .

JACK: Huh? Who is this? I'm in a hurry . .

DON ; (HIGH VOICE) I , 11 give you a hint . Roses are red Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet .

And I'm lumpy, too . (LAUG76S NATURALLY)

JACK: Oh for heavens sake, Don, I have to rush apay . What did you call me for? „ DON : Well Jack, I've got the Sportsmen here and^welve got a . wonderful idea for a commercial .

JACK: But Don, I c?on - t want to hear it over the phone . You

can wait till rehearsal . Anyway, I don - t like the songs

they ' ve been picking lately, Wt~V don , t they pick

something classy onoe in a while? BB

Arx 01 0 020435 -& DON : Classy . .,thatts exactly what this one is .

JACK: Don, you ' ve been saying for years that these commercials are classy aid that quartet always winds up going crazy . DON : Not this time, Jack, You'll love this one : Ch, I will, eh?, .,Well, let me heer it . Are.JACK the boys close to the phone? QUART : F@1NL"RRi .

JACK: All right, Don, let me hear it .

DON : TAIIE IT BCY8 .

Arxo 1 0020430 -9-

(SOUND : TkG GUN SHOTS)

@UART : THEY WARNED ME WHEN YOU KISSED ME YQ7R IQVE WOUlU RI000CffisT

YOUR LIPS WOULD FIND ANOTfSR

AND YOUR RFi1RT WOULD GO ASTRAY

I THOUGHT THAT I COULD HOLD YOU

WITH ALL MY MANLY CHARMS BUT THEN ONE DAY YOU RICCCCHSTED TO SOMEONE Sf6E'S ARMS APID BABY . .I DON'T WANT A RI000CHET ROMANCE I DON'T WANT A RICCOCHEf LOVE

IF YOU'RE CARELES4 WITH YOUR KISSFS FIND ANO'17DiEt TURT7E DOVE . I CAN'T LIVE ON RICCOCHEf ROMANCE NO NO, NOT ME . . IF YOU'RE GONNA RICCOCHEP, BABY,

I'M GONNA SET YOU FREE .

(SOUND : 1W0 GUN SHOTS)

I RNEW THE DAY I MET YOU

YOU HAD A ROVING EYE I THOUGHT THAT I COULD HOLD YOU WHAT A FOOL I WAS .TO TRY

YOU PROMISED YOU'D BE FAITHFUL .

AND YOU WOULD NEVER STRAY THIIV LIICE A RIFIE HULLZSP (SOUND : GUN SHOT) YOU BPxiAN TO RICCOCHET .

BUT BABY . .I DON'T WANT A RICC0CH6T ROMANCE

I DON'T WANT A RICCOCHET LOVE

YOU AND ME ARE THROUGH FOREVER

FIND ANOTHER TURTLE DOVE OV (MORE)

A7 8 07 0020437 -10- • QUABT : THANKS FOR ALL TBOSE GIFTS YW GAVE ME OGNTI ( D) TBOSE UJCKY STRII E9

LBTIS FOBGEP AT8) LIGBT UP A USORY

THAT'S THE ONE I LTRE

I ' LL BE HAPPY PGFFI N3 A UJCRY

I CAN COUNT ON UJC$IES, I KNOW AUAA7CS WITH ME WH6N I TRAVEL

FULLY PACM AND RBAU3C TO GLOW

. ALWAYS CLFANS[t, FRESHER AND SMOOTh'ER THE BIyST SMOKE YET .

IkPfS BE HAPPY, HAPPY GO LUCIIY WBAT A CIGARhPTE

LEP ' S BE HAPPY, HAPPY GO LUCKY

LEP ' S LIGHT A LUCKY STRIKE . (APPIAUSE)

GV

flTK0,9,0020438 -11- (SECOND RCUTINE) .

JACK : . . .Don . . .Don . .why is it they always start out so nice

and then go craayq . . .We can't use that commercial,

that'sM1too noisy . Anyway, where did they get that gun7

DON : They found it on a bench at Pico and Sepulveda . JACK : N0:

DON :~ Wknt's that, Jack?

JACK : Nothing, nothing .,I'11 see you at rehearsai . (SODND : RECRIVER DOWN) .

JACK : iM . .I thought Rochester was only guessl :yg . . .We~l+1, I'm gonna have my orange juice and then go . .~t,~eome on, Rochester, let's --

MARY : Well, look who's here . DENNIS : Hello, everybody . .I ceme in through the kitchen . JACK :&A Oh, hello, Dennis .

DENNIB : Hello, Mr . Benny, and thanks for the orange juice . JACK : Oh, for heaven'ssake . .vhat do you think this ie, a cafeteria? MARY &

DRNNIS : Yes .

JACK : Lcok ktds, it's not just the orange juice, it's the

principle . I'm trying to conserve food

: Oh, my mother conserve' food every night.DFNNIS . JACK : Well, she deserves a lot of credit . .How,does she do it? DENNIS : When it's time for dinner, she locks me in a closet . JACK : Dennis .

GV

flTYl01 D020439 DENNIS : But last night I got even with her . I ate the door knob . JACK : What? DENNIS : Nov every little thing turns my stomach .

JACK : Look kid . .I haven't had my breakfast yet, leave me

alone . . What brings you over here, a yway?

DENNIS ; Well, I got a brand new arrangemen~ my song and I thought maybe you wanted to hear it . JACK : Well, do I have to hear it now? I mean, so early? DENNIS : On, it isn't early, Mr. Benny . . .I'm up anQ dressed and out of the house at five o'clock every morning .

JACK : Five o'clock? What for?

DENNIS : The busses aren't crowded .

JACK : Dennis, where do you have to go at five o'clockin the morning?

DENNIS : No place, but I get a seat . JACK : Eere kid, have a door knob . MARY: Jack, not in the head .

JACK : Look Dennis, you sing your song for Mary and she'll

tell me how it is . I've gotta have breakfast and rush

away to the doctor's .

DENNISgac.~I don't blame you . You look awful . .

JACK

: What? DENNIS : Sing, kid . JACK : You said it . .I'11 see you kids later . . .0oodbye . (APPIAUSE) (DE[d'lI3'S SONG . ."GHANADA") " L (APPI{tUSE) .

gv

19 rxot oo 2 o44 o -13- (THII2D ROUTINE) (SOUND : IfJUSY MOTOR & IK)RN)

JACK : Rochester, wetre awfully late . Can't you go a little

faster?

ROCH : OKAY .

. (SOUNfi : MOTOR FASTFR)

JACK : You know, right efter my -- I take my physical, ve'11

go down to the -- (SOUND : IAUD GUN SHCT) JACK : Rochester . .Rocheater . .ther got me! . .Thes,~aot me! ROCH: Gh'P BACK IN THg SEAT, BOSS, THAT WAS A TIRE . JACK : I should have knovn . . we're only at Pico and Roxbury . (SOUND : CAR STOPS)

JACK: Rochester, you change the tire and I can walk to the

doctor's office from hore, YARShEM.

(TRANSITION MUSIC) (SOUND : SIITd FOOTSTEPS) JACK : Let me see, his office should be eround :here . .Oh, there it is . .Doctors Fenchel and Gordon . (SOUND : DOOR OPBTIS . .COUPLB FOOTST$PS) JACK : (CLEARS Tf620AT) BEA : Yes sir? JACK : How do you do .,I!m Jack Benny .

BEA : Oh yes, you have an appointment for a physical

examination .

JACK : That's right . BEA : Well, I'11 have to fill out this card .first . . .Name . . . Jack Benny . . JACK : That's right . TB

RT7S01 0020441 -14-

BEA : Your address? JACK : 366 North Camden Drive . BEA : Your complexion? Ruddy JACK : . BEA : Color of your eyee? JACK : Lazy Lagoon Blue . BEA : Your height? JACK: Five foot ten . BEA : Your weight?

JACK: A hundred and fifty-seven . BFA :~,Nov I'll just slip this band around your erm . .there : Hey, this is awfully tight . .what Ss it? . JACK BEA : A lie detector, the next question is your age .

JACK : Now wait a minute, I don't need a lie detector to tell you my age, I'm thirty-nine . .

(SOUND : FIRE ALARM BELL RINGS LG UDLY)

JACK: Look, a lie detector can be wrong, too, you know . BEA : Well, Mr . Benny, if you'll just sit over there and wait, the doctors will see you in a minute .

JACK : Well, thank you .

(SOUND : FGGTSTEPS . .SCUFFLING OF CNAIR)

JACK : How do you like that . .using a lie detector when she -

aske3 my age . .None of the other nurses ever did that .

They ask me my age, I tell them I'm thirty-nine and they

put down whatever they think . . .I've got a'good mind to

absolutely-- (SCUPID

: DOOR OPENS) .

TB

fliX 0 1 ~..092O4 4 2 . -15-

BOB: (UP) hS0 LONG, DOCTOR,FTHPS7KS A IOT .

(SOUND : DOOR CIAS'nS) JACK: BOB : 0?Hello,: BOB Jack . JACK : Bob Crosby, what are you doing here? /1 BOB : Well, they took this X-ray of ine . . And I ~uet picked it up . JACK : Oh . .Say, what's the writing down in the corner of the X-ray? . .the name of the doctor? BOB

: Oh, nu . .no . .no . .it says, "To Brother B1ng, with Love" . . .I'm 6iving it to him for his birthday,

JACK: Bob . .why in the world would you give Bingan X-ray

for a present? -

BOB : tdell, he's got everything else .

JACK : Well, that's logical . .may I take a look at it, Bob?

BOB:/+K --y Sure, go ahead, Jack . (SOU"D : RUSTLING OF PAPSR AM7 CELWLOID) JACK: Let me see .,Bob, nothing shows in this X-ray. .wby is it so blurry?

BOB : Oh, well, you have to use poloroid gl.asees, it - s three

dimensional .

JACK: No kidding? BOB : .%*-Jack, what are y_ou doing here? JACK: Oh, it-s noth,i~~~g., I,iust came for an insurarce examination .,~' The sponsor is taking out a million dollar policy on me .

BB

Rr 8 o 1 oo2o443 -16- BOB: A million dollars : JACK: Uh huh.

BOB: Well, who's going to pay the five dollars 1'or the

medical exem4 . .you or the sponsor? JACK: The Blue Cross, I fourd a loophole . . .So long, Bob . BOB : So long. . (SOUDID : FOGfSTEPS . .D00R CL0.Sffi) BEA : Oh, Mr. Benny, the doctor will see you row . JACK: Thank you .

(SOUPID : FEW FOOTSTEPi . .DOCt OPENS) JACK: Oh, Doctor. . .Doctor? NELSON: Yessasa? JACK : . . .Well Doctor, here I am. NEL50N : Oh . (SWN) : RFLEIVFI2 UP . .DIAISNG OF 5ATMlERAIS ON PHONE) NELSON : . . . .Hello, Bolton's Mortuary? JACK : What? NEL40N : I'm having lunch with Ralph Bolton . JACK : Oh.

NEL40h : We're quite friendly . .I throw him a lot of business . JACK : I see .

NEIBON: Hello, Ra1ph. .One thirty at the Brown Derby? Fine . . Goodbye, Ralph. . (SOUnD : RHOE1VF12 DOWN)

NEL40N; I like going out with him, he drives such a big car . . .

Ard now, Mr . Benny, I'll get my associate in here and

we'll give you your examinetion . .(UP) Oh, Doctor Gordon . .

BE

Arx 01 0020444 -1~- MBL : (SLIGRf MOOLEY) Yes, Doctor Fenchel,

NELSON : Will you help me with this examination?, .,This is Mr . Benny.

JACK: Oh, pleased to meet you, Dr . Gordon . MEL : Thank you,, .Now Mr. Benny, will you please strip? JAOK: You mean undresa? MEL: YeQA.

: All right. JACK .

(BAND PiAYS "PAETTY GIRL IS LIKE A MIIADY" ) JACK

: Doctor„Doctor . .I don ' t need the music . NE[SON : I-m sorry, our lest patient was Tassles LaTour . JACK: Oh,

MEL : Now get behintl that screen and take off your clothes . JACK: Yes sir

: When you. MEL - re ready, Dr . bbnchel ard I will be in the next room . (SOUA'D : DOOR OLCBIS) NELSON : Oh Doctor, I've been concerned about that call you made this moinl,ng . .anyinformation yet? MEL: Yest-~I~,godt a report from Dr . Stanley and„and .,it's all over. NELSON : What was the result?

MEL: She ran fifth andwe lose four bucks . . .,,I wonder what's

taking Mr . Benny so long . (SOUTD : DOOR OPENS)

MEL: Mr . Benny, 41M you got all your clothes off?

JACK1:~~ Yes, yes .

MRL ://>-~~-~; Then come out from behini that screen . '

BB

Arxo 1 -oo 2 o445 ,4 ,~ -la- JACK:Well gee, don t t I get balloons or enything?

' MEL : Here, j ust slip on this gown . JACK : Yes sir. . .There, I'm ready ; Very ve11 . . .Nov, Mr. Benny,. NELSON will you please step be'Mnd this fluroecope? JACK: Yes sir . NffiSON : Contact . MEL: Contact . (SOUHI) : CLICK. .sISGHf BUZZING Or FLUAOSCOPE) MI60N: We111111l . . .there seems to be a rousl metallic object near your kidney :SIThat's a quarter I. JACK swallowed years ago . N&IfiON : Shall we, Dr . Gordon? MBL: Why not? . . .Mr, Beqny . Wiil you please hiccup? JACK: Niccup?

MEL : Yes ~- • . JACKc (HICOUPS)

NELSON : (NAPPY) It - e tails, Dr . Gordon, you lose . JACK : Wnet is this, anyway?

MEL: Fow hold still, Mr . Benny. We want to exemine your

st;mach through the fluroscope .

JACK: Yes, sir . . N6ISOiV : The spleern seems to be okay . . .anxl the pancreas is in tte right position .

MEL: Yeel.yea-~but look .at the liver .

NELSON : The liver?

MEL : Yes~ vhat - s that on top of it? )

BB

ArXat 0 02 044 6 -19- N67BON : Well, I'11 be darrned . . .onions .

JACK ; Sixty-nine cents at Rexall .

NBISON : Now, Mr . Benny, drink this glass of barium .

JACK : You mean all that vhlte stuff? .

NELSON : Yes, . .it - a a harmless chemical and vhenyou drink it,

we can follow its course through the fluroecope .

JACK ; Oh. . .all right, . . . . .Gee, it tastee awful . MEL: Drink it all . , JACK: ...... There . . MEin Oh look, Dr . Fenobel,the barium has reacRBd the esophageal entrance . . .there it goes over tbe oriooid

cartilige . . . . behind the tracheal bixl:rcation . .through

the arch of the aorta . . . . How it's pesslhg the esophageal hiatus of the diaphragm . JACK: If it passes Pico ani Sepulveda, it-s dead .

MEL : How it ' s oomin6 around the esophegeal gastric ,lunction, . .

JACK ; What? .

NEISON : (IDCCITID) IT'S PASSING THE KID RQ^l ON THE OUTSIDE . .

HEADED INTO THE HCME STREPCH . IT ' S BARIUM SULPHATE BY TWO LEN(IPHS . .

MEL : COME ON, NATIVE DANCER: CQO ON, NATIVB RkIVIIt: .

NEL40N: IT - S BARIUM BY A NQSE : NATIVE DAHCSR .IS_SIa'OTD . Atm

HERE C06fES TASSEL5 .LA TOURI . JACK : DOCTORS, DOCTORS, WHAT IS THIS? WHAT'S GOIiS'i ON HERS? MEL: Well, that's a11 . .,The examination is over . You can go

now .

JACK : Well, thank you, (SOUffil : CWPLE OF FOOTSTBPS„DOOR OFEIS) BB

Rrxo 1 oo 2 o 447 -20-

N6L40N: Oh, Mr. Benny . . ' JACK : Yes . IvT:L30N: You better put your clothes on . . JACK: Oh yes, yes . .I foNgot . .D11 put my clothes on . (SWPm : COUPLE FOCQBTEPS. .DOOR OPENS & CLOSffi) JACK: (SI}IOS) A PREPTY GIRL IS I= A MBLODy . .DA DA DE DUM DA DUM . . (APPLAUSE Ai'm PLAYOFF)

P8

8 Ai7i01 V0 02044 -21-

DCN : Jack will be back in just a minute to tell you about h1e . television program which goes on Immediately after this show, but first the Sweetheart of Luoky Strike -- Dorothy Collins!

DON : Jack will be back Sn a minute to tell youu about his

television program which goes on at seven P . M.

. tonight over the C . B . S . television network, but first

the Sweetheart of lucky Strike -- Dorothy Collinel

JO

ATH 01 0020449 TNg Q!t[rdtIC.AN TOBACCO COMPANY -C- TNg JACK BENNY PROGRAM .i CIACOw5mI. (TRAN9CRT8S0 "If you went better taste from your oig-a-rette, CALYPSO VERSION) ackv Strike is the brand to getl IT'S TOh4TID to give you the beat taste yet, It's the toasted (CIAP . . . CLAP, CIAP) .oig-a-rette.

They take fine tobacco, it's light tobaoco, St's mild tobacco, too

Then IT ' S TOASTID, yes, 1T ' S TOAST&C,

because the toasting brings the flavor Pight

through .

So, to get better toste from your oig-a-rette, Luckv Strike 1s the brand to getl 1T'S TOASTED to'give you the best taste.yet, It's the toasted (CIAP . . . CIAP, CIAP) Olg-a-rettel

HII,SON : That's something to remember, friends : "If you want better taste from your cigarette,Lucky Strike is the brand to getl" Yes, because DVS TOASTBU to taste better . Now, first of ali, Iuokies taste better because they're made cf fine tobacco . I3/MFT, Luoky Strike means fine tobacco, naturally mild good-tasting tobacco . And then, that tobacco is toasted . 1108 TOASTIID" -- the femous Luoky Strike process -- tones up Iuckiest naturalby mild good-tasting tobacco to make it taste even better . Cleaner, fresher, smoother . Keep that ;,1n mind and for a better taating smoke every time --make your , cigarette - Luoky Strikel JO

I 0020450 Rrxo 1., (TAp)

JACK : Isdies and gentlemen, I was going to tell you about .

my television show, but we're a little late, so

tune in and vatoh It . . .Goodnight, folks . (APPIAUSE)

DON : The Jack Benny show tonight was written by Milt

Josefsberg, John Taokaberry, Al Gordon, Hal Goldman

and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marks .

JO

prxoa 0020451 -23- NERIERT TARYTCN NR 3o1F

Filter smokersl True tobacco taste, . .real .£iltration . .

famous TARYTCN quality . . . they're all yoursvhen you

smoke Filter Tip TANYTCN . Filter Tip TARY'1'ON gives

you all the full, rich taste of TANY'M1NI3 quality

tobacco and real filtration, too, because Filter Tip

TANYTON incorporatee Activated Charcoal, renouned for

ite unusual poaers of selective filtration . Look for

the red, white and blue stripes on the paokage . They

identify Filter Tip TANYTCN, the best in filtered

smoking .

DON : The Jack Benny program was brought to you by the American Tobacco Company . . America's leading

manufacturer of oigarettes .

Jo

prxoa oo 2 o452 REVI~$CRI

AMERICAN TQ, AACCC COMPANY ~

iuoKr smRI KN

WE JACK $t NNY PROCBtAM

SUNDAY, F=DARY 19, 1955 4 :00-4 :30 .PM PST

(Trenscrib ed - Nov . 3, 1954)

CAST : JACK FMTTINY LMNOSTCNB RD T11t 9 DAY DC WIL90N Y JI0 MSC BAIRD S SIN07E1C7N ISE BP.GBY ELANC VERNA FE7AUN UJIS CORSETT gyrq me*mnnunv STEVE WCOTON 0 IA WOOD TS'9SN QUARTET

BB

fiTXO9 0020453 $

TAg AMfiRICAN TOBACCO COMPANY "THE JACIC HENNY PROGRAM" . FESxuwtY 13 1955 OPENING COMMERCIAL WILSON : THE JACK BENRY PROORAM . . . transcribed end presented by LUCKY STRIKE. . .The cigarette that's toasted tA taste betterl (TRANSCRISID) - FULL ORCH: If you want better taste from your cig-a-rette

Lucky Strike is the brand to get! IT'S 70ASTID to give you the best taste yet It's the toasted (CLAP . . . CLAP, CLAP) cig-a+rettel

y take fine tobacco it's li t t obacc o I t's mild tobacc3 0 Then IT'S TOAS ye9 . IT'S TOASTED because the toasting bstagg-ttr flavor right .through .

So to get be taste from your -a-rette Luc e is the brand to geti TOASTID to give you the best taste yet, It's the toasted (CLAP . . . CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-rettel

WILSON : Friends this is D o n Wilson .,, there's no doubt about itl

(SLOWLY, WITH PMPHASIS) If you want better taste

from your cigarette - Lucky Strike is the brand to get .

It's toasted to taste better .

Naturally Luckies' better taste begins just where you'd

expect it to begin . With fine totacco . 18/HFT - Lucky

Strike means fine tobacco . And then -- that'tobacea is

toasted . "IT'S TOASTED" -- the famous Lucky`.Strike

process -- tones up Lvekies naturally good-teisting \ tobacco to make it taste better . JG (MORE) ~ ~

arxo 1 oo2 o 4 5 4 THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY -B- "THE JACK BEM7Y PROGRAM" FEBRUARY 13 1955 OPENING COMMERCIAL CONTD .

WIiSON : Cleaner, Fresher . Smther . So next time . . . get better taste. Get Lucky Strike .

I Q TRANSCRIBID RIS WITH ORCH . ant better taste Luokv Stri 5 TOASTID to give you 1111 . . . CLAP,st tasIt's the toasted (CLAP CLAP cig-a-rettet

JG

Rrx 01 002 0 4 55 (FIRST ROUtINg) -1-

(AFl'RR COMl ERCIAL, ldLBIC CP AND D(IJN) DON : THE LUCRY STRIBR..PROGRAM, STARRIN.^i JACIi~ LIVINOSTONg,RCCBgST€Ni DENNIS DAY, BOB CR TRCLY'bON WIIHON . (APPLAISS . .M63IC UP AND DOWN) DON : LADIBS AND GENfIEPffiN . . .JACK B&NNY'S BIRTHDAY IS

FffiRUARY 14TH, AND WHENE'VER ONE OF JACK'S $gjTflOAYS ROLLS ARODtm, IT IS QGPPE AN EVENP . .LAST YEAR 1T WAS MORE t~ . MBMORAB7S "MMW BECALSE EVENYSODY WAS bAjCING

PRRPARATIONS ANID . .WEL,Ty IS'P'S 00 BACK TO LAST YEAR AND LOOK IN ON SOFS OF THGM . (SOUND : GAVEL RAPS ON WOOD THREE TIFSS)

BARRY : The regular weekly m0eting of the Beverly Hl;lla Beavers will now come to order . .

(SOUND : TH 2Eg GAVEL RAPS)

HARRY : The motion before the club is, "Resolved : The.Beevers will

give Mr . Jack Benny a surprise birthday party and for this

purpose will withdraw our entire treasury of one dollar

. and forty-three cents ."

ST'SVE : I second the motion, Stevie . .

HARRY : Thank you, Joey, but call ne Mr . President, po familiarity

during meetings . . .Arq questions? . . .What is,2t, Cliff?

JIMMY : Well, I'm a new member of the Beavers, and I'd like to know

who Jack Benny is . HARRY : Are you kidding . . .don't you Imow who Jack Benny is? JItR4Y : No, who is he? - . STEYEi Who is Jack Benny? He's only the greatest fullbeck that Yale ever had .

BR

Hrx 0 1 002 0456 ' . -2- . .-. .

JIMMY : Gee .

xean. .and he quit football becsuse he Was efPaid of hurting his haMs and that vould stop him from pleying the violin.

STBVE : That's right, C1iff . . .A r . Benny's one of the .world's

greatest violinists .

JIMMY : Well, if he's the world's greatest violinist, how come I never heard of him

: That's because he's. HARRY so modest . he goes under the name of

Jesoha Heifitz . . JIIMSY : sounds like quite a guy . STEV&t He sure is, . .Why EeTcB=ttie=fiitebell'inLrorms we're yeeriing.. .Mr .Benny loened us the money-Vb Yeah, and my fether 9eysper that cent fouris reasor ~. JTMMY:. Well, since Mr . Benny's such a nice men, I vote that ve give him the birthday pert (SCi7PID : GAV'L Fti+N TIMES) H/fRRP: Thet makes it unsnimous . . .Now, any other que9ti

JIMMY : Mr . President . .,are we gonna invit Ss to the perty4\ HARRY : Cliff, since 're a new r, I will read you part of our by laws . (SCUND : 0 ES) HARRY : By laws of Beverly Hills yers . . .Chapter Twelve, Rule Rht, Cleuse D, . .If any Beave e ever seen with a ~ er of the opposite sex . . .(this means ls) . . .be .vill be fined seven cents, barred from holding .offic this club, end vill . -ellovad-Lo-heve-ousY.edy~ t~.Q --mas ot, '$1]nkv" . our white mouse . . .

Arx 01 002045? But I though"glbnky" i d last month . We're still keeping him\ .~

Nw let's make out our invi~e t .aZllst . . .We'11 Invite all of Mr. Benny's frienQss" ~

JIMMY : Say, by the way,-hw old is Mr . Benny?

HARBY : Today he!s"thirty-nine . . .and that proves hw smaqt he is . JP4GY : 1ft}y?"~ . Well, he was in my uncle's class in school end my uncle' fifty-five .

gTEVg a - #WWW&4- .t -'s all .go over to Miss Livingetone's house

end she'll give us a list of Mr . Benny's f r lends. I1BftRY : All those in favor sby, "Aye" .

ALL &IDS : "AYE"

( SOSfiID : GAYliL . . . INTO ) (TRANSTTION MOSIC) MARY : Pauline, have you stra~tened out the living room?

DORIS : Yes, Miss Livingstone . *von't Mr . Benny be surprised when - he finds that you're giving him a birthday party?

MARY : He sure w111. . .Te11 me, Pauline, hov does my nex dress look? DORIS : Oh, it's lovely me'.em . . .Only, if I had nicq legs like yours, I wouldn't hide them with such a long skirt . . . (GIGGIES) Men like pretty lega, you knw

: Yeeh. . .(LAUGBS) And to think that for four. MARY Veers I hid mine behind a counter at the Ray Com ap ny . .,But I'm not trying to be glamorous tonightl~~~~.B+ob-Ka--nd~-•D.on are married, Ij Dennis is too young for me, and Mr . Benny is too old for

me . BR

0 , 0 AiYS 9 , 020458 1 -4-

DCR23 :r^I'm surprised to hsar you .say that anyone .ietoo young or too old for you .

MARY : Why? MII2I5 : Anything between the Boy Scouts and The Townsend Club is okay with ma .

MARY : Why Pauline . . .I didn't knov you liked men 80 much . DORIS : Oh, I Qo,, Ma'em . . .Why, I like them so much that I . . .Well . . . well .,you'd think me silly if I told you vhet my fevorite dream has been for years .

MARY : No, I won't . . .tell m0, what is your favorite dream?

DORIS : That I'm a Dixie Cup in the New York Giants' Locker Room . MARY : (IALGHS) Well, come on, Pauline . . .there's work to do .

DORIS : Yes Me'am . . .Say, vould you please tell me one thing, Miss Livingstone . . .Don't you ever go out with Mr . Benny . . .just the two of you slone4

MARY: Cccasionally . . .I remember one very warm night last aummer when Jack drove me up to the top of Mulhollend Drive .

DORIS ; Gee . . .how'd you make out? MARY : rine, I sold more Good Humors then he did . .,Nov Pauline,

you set the table , end I'll 'A~v (SGUfID : PHGNE RING9 . . .RcCEIVER UP)

DORIS : Miss Livingstone's residence . . .Just one moment, please . . . Miss Livingstone, it's the baker, he wishes to talk to you .

MARY : Gh good . . .Hello? . .Yes, .I want the cake delivered as early as possible . . .How many candles?, . .Thirty-nine . . .That's right, thirty-nine candles, and arrange them in the shape of a question mark .,lBwvye : RECEIVBR DQv7N) . (SCUPID

BR

prx01 0020 4 59 DORIS : Say, Miss Livingstone, hov old is Mr . Benny really?

MARY : Oh, I'm sorry, I can't tell you . . .You eee, Mr . Benny end I

heve an egreement that saves us both a lot o£ emberresement,

DCIRIS : An agreement? .

. MARY : Yes,,,I never tell anyone his age end he never tells anyone my selerv .

DORIS : But Miss Livingstone . . . .if Mr. Benny pays ydu so little,

hov can you afford this nice apertment and gll your nice

. clothes and everything?

MARY : My mother vrites for Jackie Gleesc

have you arranged the plece c

I em .

calling .

DCBISi,C4,Miss Livingstone, vhatt are you going to do about music?

MARY: Well, I've been trying to reach Charlie Begby the piano playerso he~'d~bring the boys in the bend over . . .I've tried a ~~~ to get {~i2m three tiiGes .,+y~onder vhere he is .

(TRANSITION MISIC)

(SOUND : CLICKING OF POOL B4LLS) BAGBY : Four ball in the siAe pocket . . .vatch it, Msl.

BR

Rrx01 +po2aaso qq

-6-

MEL: (SISGHT MOOLLY) Okay, Charlie . (SOUND : CLiCK AS BALL SINKS)

MEL : 9 t barlle, how l a about coming over to ad place for a ~n ~1 poker game tonight~'~--~1" l"

' . BAGffi : 0 ee, I'd love to, Mel, but I can t, ten ball in the corner

(SOUND : CLICK AS BALL SINK3)

MEL:IY.:EI,YR~7 can't ya come, Charlie?

B0.GBY : `.iell, it ' s Jack Benny ' s birthday today, and me an3 the

reat of the boys in the band are throvinghim a surprise

party, seven ball in the si3e .

(SOUND : CLICK AS BALL 5II'LfS)

old Benny, MEL : 1 I4i4 how. 1s anyway?

' t tell you that . &+GBYxyacjI can MEL: But do you know how old he reall, is?

BAGBY : Yeah, but I can ' t tell you, sixty-two ball in the corner .

MEL: What? . (~Iypean combination shot off the six an3 two ball .

(SOl1CII7 : DOI7BLE CLICK AS 7:+0 3ALL4 SINK)

MEL: ~'here~r are you musicians gonr.a have the party?

BAGBii : Over at my house . . .I ha3 a pool put in last month, and

I,just filled it . . .everybo3y will have flzn .

MEL: Hey, ain ' t it prettyy cold weather for swimming?

BAGBY : Yeah, but once you dive 1n, you won ' t notice it .

1dEL: Oh, Is the pool heated?

H4GBY : 210, it's filled with Old Crow . MEL: i$sR? )J.--k '. BAGBY : Thirteen ball cross corner . (SOUND: CLICK AND SINKLHG OP BkLL)

AT 8 0 1 0020461 11 -7-

BACBY: You know, yesterday Frankie, the guitar player, sl int the pool and almost drowned . MEL: Did you lly save him? BACBY : Yeah, but we b e his arm running jrYm through the wringer, seven ball, twice ecrosa-,~

(SOUND : CLICK AS BAEiLS~SIiNiC)

MEL : Say, Cherlie . . .I've been r+adtpig to ask youu .something i BAGBY : What is it, Mel? .

MEL: Well, I hate to bring it up, but I'va,been out of work ; a long time, and I thought maybe you cou3Q give me e job .

BACBY: MeybeIcan, what do you do? MEL : k~m a glass blower . BA(3fY~ Sorry, we've got all the musicians we need . (80UND : CLICK BAGBY : Well, that finishes the game, I beet you twenty-five to four. MEL: Yeeh. . .You know, Cherlie . . .you're lucky ., .heving a steady job with Benny all these years, end shooting pool like e

chemp . BAGBY : Yep, you owe me two bucks . •

MEL : Okay, here you are . . .But don't you feel ashamed of yourself . . .taking money from a guy who's on unemployment relief?

BAGBY : No, you make more than I do

: Oh . . MEL

BAGBY ; Well, I better start calling soma people and inviting them to the party me and the musicians are giving . . .I think I'll

call Dennis Day first

. (TRANSITICN MISIC)

BR

RT}501, ,0020462 I ENNIS : Gee, Mother, why do you went to leave the house just

because I ' m giving a surprise party for Mr . Senny?

That's not the only reason . . .I've got to drive to Aiversid ight . 1ENIPIS :But ca 't you drive there some other tim~e?

VERNA : What, and sp2•i7\D my truckload of /ora~gee? . . .At~yway, I can't understand whv vou~heve to xi-vg a nartv fortdr . Benny.

LENNIS : Because he's a ve

VERNA : Oh, fine . . t did he ever do r you? . I%3NNIS : Sd he ever do for me? . . .Well, e ha . : .I remember hen. . .And not only that . . . And then there the time he Yeah why am I Riv him e Dertv?

VERNA : S .~I think you're wasting your money on that mean old men .

I&NNIS :JI{sMVo.tber,t ~hat isn't fair . . .Mr. Benny has been .like a father- to me . :,104y lest week he gave me advice on how to be

popular with the girls .

VERNA : Oh, he did, eh?

DENNIS : Yeah . . .he took me aside and said, "Dennis, mw boy, you're

missing a lot . . .you ought to get a girl, and on some moonlight night drive her over to Lover's Lane end put your

er-is around her . . .pull her up close to you . . .put your face close to hers and -- VERNA

: (SiIGHI' PAUSE) . . . .Yee, then whet did Mr . Benny tell you?

IF3NNIS : When he got to that part, he fainted . VERNA : We_l look, Dennis . .let me give you some advice on that . ffiNNIS : Yes, mother .

BR

arxo .1 00 2 0463 -9-

VERNA : Son, as you go through life, you'll meet many girls . . .end

some day, you'll meet the one girl you'll waht to spend the rest of yourlife with . . .ani it xill probably be when you least expect it . IENNIS : Gee . Say Mom, how did you firat meet fether?

VERNA : We were matched together in the Golden Glovea . .(DREAMILY)

. .Well, Dennis, I've gotta

be running along now . . .I hope your party turita out nice,

1ENNI3 : Thank ou M

WsWt` . By the wey. . .how old is Mr. Benny today? ffiNNIS : irty-nine .

OSFUC4 : Thirty-n indeed . .Hhy he wes of tYe first people to ever be on a c reaio program . DENNIS : Well, what s thatprove .

VERNA : Hi ponsor was the Cairo Pyramid ~m any . . .Well, so long, son. NNIS : Goodbye, Mother . . .lots of luck vith your oraltges \

(SOUND : DOqi 9LAM) ' 75ENNI5 : Well, I~ got everything set for the party . . .Now I better see if I have everybody's phone number . (STARTS HiR4MIPG , HIS SCV~1G)~ e 1 1 (INPOSOIIi) " / i~ tke-~Jl~~ (APPL9TbE ~Vl)

ATS{O1_ 002046 4 -10- (SECOND ROUTINE) p

DENNIS : We11,1I've got everybody's phone number but Don Wilson's .

I want to call him and his wife . (TBANSITION MUSIC) DON : Oh, darling . IAIS : What Ss it, Pudgie? DON : I want*Pto tell you, the table looks beautiful . LOIS : '~, Thanksj~qfi; deer, but if this i^a ura prisei.party for Jack Benny, I think you better start calling your guests .

DON : t~y i will as soon as I finish wrapping this present for Jack .

LOIS : Well, I hope you're giving him an appropriate gift . . .

Whst's in that package, darling? DON : See Sf you can guess .

iAIS : A watch?

DON : Pio . . . . i'll give you a hint . . . .They're rou and firm and

fully nacked, so free and easy on the draw . .

LOIS : On the what?

DON : D:ew . . .now what is it?

IL1IS : '~ A box of crayolas . DON : - J~-c,No no, Pet . . . . Now listen again, sweetheart ., .Take last night after dinner . . . .I went into the living room . . . .sat down in my easy chair . . .struok a mstch . . .now what did I light?

LOIS : My mother's picture .

DON : Yes, end while it was burning, what did I light with that?

LOIS : Oh darling, don't keep me in suspense . . . .What did you buy Jack for his birthday?

DN

Rrx 01 00204 6 5 n -, -11- /,~~, , DON : l~~But ,@g;;;;j , it's soobvious .^Look at the * letters on

the box . . . .You. should be able to figure out vhat it is . . . . LSMFT .

IDIS : L S M F T . . . .Oh, I knox . . . . A long silk muffler from Tubby . mN : NO no .^dt a carton af-LuckyStrikes . . .a:d L S M F T W e ) stands for lucky Strike means fine tobacco .

IAIS~•Oh . . . .Well, everyboQy knows that

: Then why did you ke.me tell you?. DON

way say . IAIS : I love the yourAf face lighte up vhen',qou it

LON: (LAUCdIS ) w.,Now comepn, dear, .,let ' s go through this list and see if I forgot anyone . , (IIWNSITION MUSIC) .

JACK; IDm .* G Cine thing . . :Rere it is my birth3ayyR I'm all

alone, .,nobo3y even thinks of ine,,,nobo3y c9rea . . .No

cards, . .Not even a phone call . (SOUND: KNOCK ON DDOR)

JACK: Wtto is it? - ROCH : IT' S ME, &1SS . JACK : Rochester, I don't swant to talk to anyone . .,Leave me alone \) :' ILeave me. MGL alone, leave me alone . . .(S3UAWK & WNISTIE)

JACK : Quiet, Po11y, . :Wnen T want your help, I I 11 ask for it .

ROCN : EOSS, YOU HAVRN ' T EATEN ALL I]AY . . .DO YOU WANT MG TO GST YOU SOMG --

JACK : I don't want anvthina . . . . Just leave me al,y 110 , ROCN : OKAY, OKAY . (SOUND: FUOTSTEPS)

BB

0020466 fl T 3501 . I -12-

ROCH : I WONDER WHAT'5 WRONO WITH HIM. HE'3 KEPT HIMSFIF 1ACK6D UP IN THE IEN ALL , TIME BR BROOIStD WAS WHEN HIS GIRL' SCOBROKE THEIR

ENGAG asie„m ; ® SHE SENT BACK THE RINQ AKA .H8 WAS HAPPY IN . . . .I WONDER WHAT'S AILING HIM THIS T :MAYBE H6

BET ON A HORSE . .,NO, IF MR . BBNNY BET 0N A'}K)RSE AND TiNT

HORSE LOST . . . . BET1 HEAT IT TO DEATH WITH HIS BARB HANDS . (SOUND: FOOTBTEPS) ROCH : . Af JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT'3 THE MAT'TER WITH HIM,

(SOUND : DOOR OPUS) .

JACK: Rochester, if you don't mind, I'll have my dinner served in bed . ROCH : WHAT'8 THE 14ATPER, BOSS, DON'T YOU FEEL GOOD? YOU'VE BHET] BROODING ALL II4Y

: (S.ADLY) I haven't been. JACK brocding . *V I vant to lock myself in the den, St's my own buslness . ROCH: WAIT A MINUTE, BOSS .

JACK : Hub? . ROCH• (3Y}&E1'LY) HAVE YOU BEEN CRYING?

?wk, I JACK WhaK.t•~makes you think I've been crying? 30CH : THBRE'S A R0.INBOW IN YOUR LITTLE BLUE EYES . JACK : THERB IS? . . .I mean, who cares? A lot you .or anybody else worries about me, apyaay . ROCH : YOU'RE WRONG, MR, BENNY, I WORRY ABOUT YOU : Oh, you do, eh? . .Well, Rochester, what day . JACK is this? RCCH : SATURLIAY : Uh huh . . . JACK. .Saturday, February what? ROCH :~. ~~ THE FOURTEENTH . JACK : LT-i,Doean't that mean anything to you? DH

AT 9 0 1 002046? -13- ROCH : SATURDAY, FEBRUARY-FOURTRIIiTH . . . . OH MY GOOpNgSS, I FOFGOT TO PUT THE GAINi4GE PUT .

JACK: It's not that . come back herel . . . . Now let's not talk any

more about it . You go in and clean the den . II m going in the kitchen and have a sandwich and a glass of garbage . . . .I mean milk . ROCH : OKAY .

(SOUND : FOGTSTEPS . . . . DOOR OPENS)

ROCH : WEIS., IT NON t T TAKB IfJNG TO STRAIGHTEN UP .'J'HE TEN . . .I' LL

45M PUT THHSE BOOKS AWAY ON THE SHELVES . MEL: (SQUAWK & 47HISTIE) Hello hello . ROCH : Y7~`T;.,, HELiA, POLLY .. - ~ MEL : Here I am all alone . .nobody cares

ROCH : H GH L/,I? MEL : Nob :dy cares, nobody cares . (SQUAWKS) ROCH : WfLA :! ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? MEL; ToZey's my birthday, today's my birthday . :(SQUAWK & M'fC STIE ) , . ROCH : OH NY GOOIAJFSS . .HOlO CAN I BE SO STUPID . .I BETTER GO OUT IN THE KITCHgN AND FIX T'.SINGS UP RIGHT AWAY . (SOUND : FAST FOOTSTEPS . .U00R OPENS) HOCH : EXCb5E ME, BOSS . .$%CUSE ME : DRAWER.S OPr'T.IING. (SOUND . .DISHES MGVING) JACK : )ioch@ster . : 4kA- MINUTE,. ROCH BOSS . (SOUND : DISHES) JACK : Rocoester, what are you doing?

BB

0 4 8 AiX 9 0020 6 I -ia- ROCH : I'M PIIPTING A CANDIlS ON A CRACKER, IT'S POLLY'S BIRTHMY . JACK: Oh, it is, eh? Wel1 . I'm alad to hear it ., .I'm going to my room . (BOUND : FOOTSTEPS . . .IJAUD DOOR SIAM) ROCH : . GOSH, I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT'S BOTHERIN(} T1H' : BOSS . . HE'S USUALLY SO CHgERFUi. AND -- (90UND : PHONE RINGS . .RECEIVBR UP) .

HOCH : HBLLO . .MR . BENNY'S RESIDENCE . MARY : Rochester, this is Miss Livingstone . ROCH : OH H6LIA, MISS LIVINGSTONE . .YOU'LL IB:VER GUESS WHOSE BIRTHDAY IT IS 10IkY .

MARY : I know, Rochester, and that's why I called . I want to give a surprise party . .

ROCH : A PARTY? MARY : Yes . .do you think you can get him out of the house? ROOH : HIM? . MARY : Certainly . . ROCH : WELL, HE SURE FOOIED ME, HE LAID AN ECG THIS MORNING . MARY : Rochester, what are you talking about? ROCH : TfE: PARROT . MARY.: PARROT? It isn't the parrot's birthday, it's Mr . Benny's birthday . ROCH : 000000000000H . SO THAT'S WHY HE'S BEEN FEELING BAD ALL

L14Y . . . . HE THOUGHPEVERYBODY FORGOT ABOUT HIM. MARY : Oh no! When I called the gang, I found out that

everybody was going to give him a party . .so we all

decided to come over to Mr . Benny's house and surprise him . BB

Rrxo 1 oo 2 o4 69 -15- ROCH: UGIdy HiING SOMC FUOD l2'II{ YOU, THE TIMC IAOK DOIiSN'T - OPBN THE ICE BOR TILL SIX IN THC MORNING .-

MARY: Don't worry, we have Yoo3 . . .you just get Mr . Benny out

of the house for a little while . . :an8 don't let him suspect anything . ~, ROCH :. ~-R OKAY, MCSS ISViNGS'ibNE, AND LEAVE IT TO MC, I'I&~~ ~n-Wc CIEVPI2 AEOUT IT . . (RBANSITIONtAOSIC) " (SOUPID : POOTSTEPS)

JACK: Gee, I feel a lot better taking this little wa1k . . .But

I can't un3erstan3 Roohester throwing my hatan3 coat

out . .1M when I went out to get them, he slamYued the

3oor . . .Gee, I've been walking for about forty minutes

now .IM I'm kin3a tired .

~ ~(SOUND : FOOTSTEPS) JACK : ,f think I'll walk across the street and get on a bus

for home . . . . i tCYne blrth3ay I'm------Gee, look at this

theatre marq uee . :"Nos playing . .The Horn Blow9 .at Midnight"

.-. : . .I e ess they're revlvin S it again on account of the

Academy Awar3s . . . . .I. think I'll go to see it again . (SOUND : bUOTSTEPS)

JAC IPar3on me, Mlss, I see you're showing "The _ _- M13ni

BEA : That's right . ~, JACK: How's busin

BEA : Loo ster, if this is a hold-up, you're wasting your time, we haven't sold a ticket all week .'-

BB

I

P rxo 1 oo 2 o 47 o J ~-16-

This isn t t a ho13-up .an3 give me the

BGA : Here's a ticket~knife . JACK : A knife? BEA : 11 have to cut 9our way through the-btush,

K : Never min3 . .just give me the ticket so I can 96 (TRANSITION MCSIC)

BB

HT901, 002047q -17-

D&NNIS: • Rochester, ve've been here four hours nov . .if Mr . Benny only went out for a valk, vhy Ien't he back? ROCH : I DON'T KNOW, MR . DAY . . a, can't wait any longer . . .Bring on the o . .

DBNNI3 : ah, let's eat . DON : Hey va a minute, kide . .Since this Ss Jec ~blrth9ay party, I pro e thet we all give g-sst, l

)II1RIS : All of us? . N : Yes . .we'll each teke,e'linGo ahead, Rochester, you start it . ROCH : OKAY . . . . OUR BOSS, 14i . BENNY, DENNIS : T TOAST WE DO MF1~ '- ROCH : WHILE WE STAIm HNF3 T.ALKLNG ID IS : DON'S BATING THE C :SE. MARY : Well, I've waited 3ong enough, I've got to gohome . DON : Me, too . ~iOCH: I WO WHAT HAP=>i~ TO THE BOSS . ll~,..,...s ~ ~~(,z (TRANSN'qtpSI MEL PfIO

: I 1914g your pardon, Mister . JACK : Huh?

MEL : ITm the manager of this theatre . .We've shown you The Horn Blows at Midnight three times . . . .Now v111 yoq please go

home so we can close up?

JACK : Okay, okay . . .By the way, Mister, the girl at .the box office told me that~ yp~sven't sold a ticket all veek . MEL: That's quite JACK : Well, if that's true, how come there's someone sitting In almost every seat !n this theatre?

BB

19 rxo I .,.ooz 047`2 MEL : We •rentlt out as a storage room to a mortuary . JACK : A mortuary? . . .You wean all the people in those seats are--- That's amazing . MEL: I'll say it's amazing . . .Yesterday right in the middle of the picy~ure three of them got up and valked out .

JACK : Gee, Iwondered vhy the guy at the door didn't tear my ticket . . . . Well, I better go on home . (TRANSITION MUSIC)

(SOUND : F90TSTEPS)

F7Z~- Gee, all the lights are out in the house . .Rochester must asleep . . .Now let's see . .vhere's my key? (S • JINGLS OF KEYS) / Y

JACK : Here's the key to .__- afaty-deposit box . . .Here's the key to my car . .keyto my garage . . .key to my vault . \ "(SOUND : BIG = AL PAR DROP SY-~_

JAC --~' Whoops, I dropped it . . .Ah . .here's the key the front / door .

M IN IDCK. .DOOR OPENS & nn 1 JACK : 91Y.Acoming home to a ~cold, dark house . .What .a birthday this vas . .(YAWNS) ~p Eine loyal gang I've got . .IAAW got a - good notion to fire every one of them . .If I had any talent, I vould . . . (YAWNS) Gee, I'm tlred . .We1l, I might as vell go to bed .

(SOUND : PHONE RINGS)

JACK : Nov vho can that be at this time of night?

(SOUND ; FOOTSTTiPS . .RECFIVFR UP)

BB

ar 901 0 0 2 047 3 -19-

JACK : Hello : Hello, ls this Jack Benny? JAOK . GLORTA . ~}~ JY!(ea . .

CLOgiA ;" ~Ttiia is Western Union . We have a singing tel_Bgram for you

. from your sister in Chicago .

JACK: Oh, a singing telegram from my sister, eh1 Wall, that's

cute, .go ahead .

(PIANO ARPEGGIO) GLORTiI : HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIIiTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK BSNNY (CADFd7ZA) . QUART : HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JACK BENHY QUART & GLORIA : HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU . JACK : Well, thank you very much . .That was swell really .Cl,-j QUART : AHEIlIlllQi. JACK : Look, I've gotta get eway nov . I

GLOBIA : HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU . QUART : HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU 04-~j1p PPY g~tTp~pY 0 ~OU~ HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY -.-h, Y-~^""' . . . GIAffiA & HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU . QUART : HAPPY BIRTHOAY, JACK BENNY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR JACK

HAPPY BIRTHCAY, - - TO YOU . JACK : Well, that was awfully sweet of you, ~w ..~/ (ORCHESTRA INTO "WILLIA74 TIIY" c U J)

BB

AT}SOt Q02047b -20-

QUART : & WHAT A HAP, WHAT A HAP, WHAT A HAPPY DAY .

WHAT A HAP, WHAT A HAP, WHAT A HAPPY DAY

WHAT A HAP, WHAT A HAP, WHAT A HAPPY DAY WHAT A HAPPY LITTLE DAY IT IS .

WHAT A HAP, WHAT A HAP, WHAT A HAPPY DAY

WHAT A HAP, WHAT A HAP, WHAT A HAPPY DAY

WHAT A BAP, WHAT A HAP, .l.7tAT A HAPPY DAY HAPPY B1RT}Q1AY, JACK BffiiNY .

(BIG CHORD) /~ JACK : Well, thank you . .thank you very much.l,t,,.J QUART & ~ GLOHLI : YOU'RE WELCOME, YES, YOU'RE WELCOME VERY WEL.COME . pAPw ByvT WAY TO YOL' . (CODA BY ORCBESTRA) JACK : Well, I'll be darned . . (APPIAUSE & PL4YOFF)

BB

Rrx0 1 002 04 ?5 THF PMFRICAN TOBACCO COMPANY "THF JACK °FNNY PROGRAM" FH2EaANY 13 1955 CLCSI1Ki COMMCRCIAL

WIISON : J a ck wiLl be baok in just a minute, but first a

word to you smokers who are looking for better taste in a cigarette . F~ CH~IBA9 : If.you want better taste from your cig-a-rette, VSRSICN Luc ~kv Strike is the brand to getl IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet . It's the toaat (C1.4P . . . CLAP, CIA?) c1g-a-rette .

They take fine tobacco, it's light tobacco, it'e miLd tobaoco, too .

Then IT'S TOASTffi7, yes, IT'S TOASTED,

. because the toasting brings the flavor right through . So, to get better taste from your cig~-rette,

LucLr Strike 7s the bran3 to getl I^_'5 TOASTEO to give you the beat taste yet,

It's the toas d (CIA? . . . CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-rettel

WILSON: Friends, if you rea3 the comics, I guess you know all about "Little Iodine ." The fellow who draws

"L+-ttle Iodine" is the femous cartoonist Jinmy

NEtlo . He's got another comic strip too, called "They'11 Do It Every TSme ." Well, Jilmy Hatlo'a

ci;arette is Lucky Strike . Jimmy says, "Yep, I'll

do it every time - light up a Lucky because they

taste better ."

(MORE)

flTTM 01 00204?6 I -D- THg AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY TFQ'. JACK BENNY FROGRAM F RUARy 13, 1955 CLOSINGM COtM¢[tCTAI. (CONf'D) WRSON : Friends, many millions of people smoke LuokSes because (CONf'D) they've found that Luckies taste better too . A Lucky

tastes better because "It!a Toasted to Taste Better ."

Of course, Luckies' .better taste be ns eith fine

tobacco - fine, light, naturally mild tobacDo . And

then, that fine tobacco is toasted . "IT'S TOASTBd' -

the famous Lucky Strike process - brings Lqcklss'

naturally mild, good-tasting tobacco to its peak of

flavor - tones it up to make it taste even better .

Cleaner, fresher, smoother . Yes, that's vhy Jimmv

Hatlo arrJd millions of other smokers'11 do St every

tLne ----- light up a-Lucky . Why don't you light up a Lucky too? Remember : "It's Toasted to Taste

Better."

TB

RiX01 . 0020477 -21- - (TAG) (SOUND : AL9RM CLOCK) - ~, JACK : (YAWNS) Gee, it's nine A .M . . . . . Sunday morning .^I hope I have a good shov this .afternoon . (SOUfIIJ : DOOR OPENS) JACK : Good morning ; Rochester : GOOD MORNING, BOS4 . .F&CLING. ROCH A LITTLE MORE CHMRPUL TODAY? JACK : Yes, I feol £ine

: YOU SHOUiD HAVE COME. ROCH BACK E_4RLIPR LAST NIGHf .

JACK : . Why? . ROCH : TH6 WiDLE GANG CAMg OVER TO GIVE A SURPRISE PARTY AND CEIE6RATE YOUR BIRTHDAY .

party me? . JACK : What? A surprise for My vhole gang`VAMary1L.,.J Don . .and Dennis . . . .Gee, they didn't forget me . ROCH : W1Y B09S, THAT RAINBOW'S COMING BACK IN YOUR I.ITPLE BLUE EYES . JACK : (CRYING) Well, I can't help it, I'm so happy . . .Goodnlght, folks . (APPLAUSE & MUSIC) DON

: The Jack Benny program Ss eritten by Sam Perrin, Milt Josefaberg, George Balzer, John Tackaberry, Al Gordon,

Hal Goldman and produced and transcribed by $illlard Marks .

The Jack Benny Prog~mn was br gh o you by S,uo kI a

product of the Ameri arr-Teba~ o Compeny -- 1e manufacturerof cigarettes .

BB

flrx 01 0 0204? e IIFRBHiT TAREYTON 22 NR 302F - -

Filter smokers : Here's thetrae tobacco taste you've

been looking for . Filter Tip TANEYTON gives you all the

full, rich flavor of TAREYTON'3 famous quality tobacco . . .

and real filtration, tool Filter T]» TAN$4TON

incorporates Activated Charcoal, renocned for its

unusual powers of selective filtration and used far and

vide to purify the air we breathe, the xater and

beverages ve drink . Look for the red, phite and blue

stripes on the padkage . They identify Filter Tip

T.4fN;Y7bN, the best in filtered smoking .

The Jack Benny Program was brought to you by the Aaerican Tobacco Company . . . America's leading manufacturers of cigarettes .

DY

fi i Y!O 1 .002 04 79 MIM, f2 2

AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY 1UCKY sTRL(E "~~ ~ ., TFE JAC& BENNY PROORAM SIINIXY, FEBFOARY 20, 1955 CBS 4 :00 . - 4 :30 FM PST (Transcribed - Feb . 22, 1953 )

CAST : Jack Benny Mary ISvingstone Rocheater Dennis Day Bob Crosby Don Wilson Barry Shearer Stuffy Singer Beverly Nashburn Frank Bank Sandy 7annone Patty lannone Peter Votrian Eric Nielson Walter Wooten Mel Blanc Gloria Gordon Sportsmen Quartet

BB

prxot 0 0 2 04 e 0 THE ANfER ICAN TOBACCO CCMPANY -A- TfIE JACK BSMiY PRCGRMf FEBRUARY 20, 1955 S ET hfG CPENINC CCtMEACIkL

WILSON : THE JACK BBTJNY PRCCRAM . . .tranecribed and presented by

Lucky Strike -- the cigarette that's toasted to taste better: (TRAN- "If you vant better taste fran your cig-a-rette, SCRffiED COLLINS & L.'ckv Strike is the brand to get : FULL CALYPSo VBCiSICN B+ IT'S TCASTED to give you the best taste yet, s~ j 37 It's the toasted (CLHP . . .CLAP, CLAP) oi--a-rette .

TYey take fine tobacco, it's ilzht tobacco,

it's mild tobacco, too

T'he *_ IT'S TOASTED, yes, IT'S TOASTED,

because the toasting brings the flavor ri_^t through .

Sc, to get better taste from your cigarette, Luc'cy Strike is the brand to get :

IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet,

It's the toasted (CLAP . . .CLAP, CLAP)

cit a-rette :" .

arxo 1 ,oo2o 4 e 1 THE A!ffitICAN TOBACCO CCMPAWY -S- THE JACK BENNY PRCGEtAM ~ F~ ~55 SET #0 OPEt7INC C IAI. (CCNTIn)

WIISON : Thts is Don Wilson, friends . Thst version of the Lucky Strike song Dorothy,Collins fust sang may be different in

tempo, but the story is still the aame . A Lucky tastes

better because . . .IT ' S TOASTED to taste better . You eee,

better taste starts with fine, mild, good-testing tobacco .

IS/YYT -- Iucky Strike means fine tobacco! And then, that

tcoecco is toasted . IT ' S TOASTED is the famous Lucky

Strike process that brings luckies fine tob¢cco to its peak of flavor . . .tones up this naturallygood-tasting

tobacco to make it taste even better . . .Cleaper, fresher,

, aeocther . So friends, remember that next time youbuy

c/ce.rettes-. And Be Eappy -- Go Lucky :

AiM0 .1-0020482 (FIASTROUTINE) (AFTER COIMMCIAL, tAGSIC UP AND IX)WN)

DON : THE IUCKY STRA(E PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BF,NNY . .WITH NARY

IS9Ifd:STONE, ROCHHSTER, DENNIS I14Y, BOB CR0$HY, AND "YOURS

TRULY" DON WILSON) (APPIAUSE. .MUSIC UP AND DOWN)

DON : IADIF.9 AND GF3JTLBDIEN, TONIGHT JACK BBiNY DOpB ANOTfffit

TELEVISION SHOW . .BUT MEANWHILE IEPS TAKE YOU BACK TO

YESTEROAY. .LL4T NIGHT THE MffiER4 CF THE RSVBRLY HILL4

BEAVERS PUT ON A PLAY AT THE SCHOOL AUDITORIUN . Q+ COURSE,

JACK BENNY, WHO HAPPENS TO BE THE TRE .M1SUR6R`OF THH CIAB,

WAS PIANNING TO GO . . .WE NOW FIND ROCHEST•ERYRE3SING JACK-S T9KED0 .

ROCH : (SINGS) PRESS IT ONCE

AND PRESS IT TWICE

THEN PRFSS IT ONCE AGAIN,

IT'S BEEN A LONG, LONG TIME .

M II4 11A, DA L10

.,IY+'A4 DA hA, DA L1A, DA Il4 .

BALIADAA4I7hM . .

WELL, I GOT THE PANTS PRESSED . .NOW I BETTPRFINISH

PRESSING TfM COAT . . .I WONDER WHERE MR . BENNY BOUGHT THIS

TOREDO . . .IT SHCGID BE ON T'E IABEL . . . . YEAH, .TtERE IT IS . . . THE PEP BOYS .

JACK : (COMING IN) Oh, Rochester, have you Tinibhud pressing my

clothes yet? .

RCCH : YES, BOSS, BUT WHO 1JAS THE IAST ONE YOU RFHTBD THIS TUlCEDO TO? . . BB

ar 901 00 2 04 e 3 JACK s Why? ROCH : EVEHYTIME I LAY 1T1E COAT DOWN THE ARMS FOID .

JACK : Oh stop .

ROCH : ANY4fAY, YOU'RS ONLY .GOING TO A SCHOOL PIAY : WHY DRFS.4 FORMAL? .

JACK ; Well, Rochester, the Beavers aren't putting on just a play••They're gonna do their version of my radio progrem . You see, each one of the kids will portray a member of my cast . ROCH : OH.

JACK : And since I'm the Snspiration for their shdv . .they may

ask me to come up on stage and make a speeoh . Gosh, I'll

never forget ten years ago vhen I made that speech at the Academy Awards . . . .

ROCH : BGS.., I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ON THE SPFAKHL4LIST .

JACK : I wasn't, but I just bad to get up and teil ~em what I-

thought of them . . .I ' m glad I did, too

ND : DOOR 2BUZZFR) JACK . (SOD : I'11 get it, Rochester .

(SOUND : FOOT3TETS . .DOOR OPENS)

JACK ; Oh, hello, Mary . ; MARY :He1lo, Jack . .em I early? (SOUND : DOOR CLOSE$) .

JACK : Well, we don't have to be at the school auditorium for a hslf hour yet . .sit down, Mary .

MARY : Thanks .

HB

flTYS 0 . 1 , : 0020484 y _3-

ROCH : HERE - S YOfJR TUREDO, BOSS .

JACK : Oh, help me on with the cost, Rochester . I want to see

it it still fits . . .Thanks : Jack, if you vear that old tuxedo. MARY again, I'm not going

out with you . It's so old fashioned now . JACK : Old fashioned? NARY : Yes, look how long the coat is . (IA9GHS) JACK : What are you laughing at?

MARY ; You look like the V111ain in "The Drunkard" .

JACK : Only when I wear the cape . . .Nov Mary -- .

MARY : Jack, I mean it . .I wouldn't be seen dead in that tuxedo . ROOH: OUR L4ST CUSTOtgR DIDN'T .fIND .

. JACK : Now cut that out . . .I'm gonna wear this tuXedo and that

- settles St . . .Nov Rochester, I won't be hame .until -- (SOUND : PHONg RINGS) .

JACK : There's the phone . I'il get it . (SOUND : COUPLE FOOTSTEPS . .RECFIVIDt t7P) . JACK : Hello .

rvr . .u . ov 1 -. . an w .4- ~w vv -1 .w Jvw wvoJ u ~

I wanted to let you know I'm on jury duty .

JACK : Jury duty? You ' re kidding .

BOB : No, the first case comes up Wednesday and it may last for weeks

: But this is . JACK ridiculous . You'll mise my ahow . .Didn't you tell them you work for me? BOB : Yes, I did, Jack .

JACK : Well, why didn't you tell them it would be a hardship

if you had to lose the income from my show? BB

arx 01 00204 e 5 y l/y~~ _q_

BCB :(J

JACK : Why not?

BOB : Well, they pay more than you do . - JACK : What?

BOB ; Three bucks a day r . ~ JACK : "~Tbat temporary vortc is always high . . .ButBob, I,just can't let you mise my show .

BOB : Well, there's really nothing you can do about it , Jack .

JACK : Ch no, what about my cpntraot with you?

BOB : Well that's the oasewe' 're .trying Wednesday .

JACK : ~ 4St op joki n~g.,~~,B,~ob . I need you for the show,so I wish

you - d try ~ make it .

BOB : Ckay. . .Say, by the way, Jack, did you get that record ! ~ made with the Sportsmen? JACK : Ch~ ,yBob . .i~s right here . " BOB : Well pLay it, .2 think you mlght en j oy St .

JACK : All right, I'll play it right now . .So long, Bob .

- BOB : Goodbye . .

(SCUND : PRCNE DCWN)

JACK : Oh Mary, Bob sent me a record that he made wlth the

Sportsmen Quartet . . .iet's play it . MARY : Ckay . . .where is it? JACK : Right there by the phonograph . . .And play it loud, Mary, so I can hear it Sn the other room while I'm getting dressed .

MARY: Okay .

BB

Rrxo 1 : 00 2 04 e 6 I -5-

BOB : THE SUN IS SHINING, OH HAPPY DAY NO MORE TROUX4, AND NO SKIES ARE GREY EVER SINCE YW SAID THOSE WORiH TO ME . YOU SAID YW LOVF9 ME, I KNOW IT'S TRG$ . .. MY LIFE'S COMPLEPE, DEAR, FOR NOW I HAVE-YW . OH HAPPY II4Y, OH IACKY ME .

QUART : THE MOON IS SHINING, OH HAPPY NIGHT BOB : COME TO ME, IIARLING, MW HOIID ME SO TIGHT

I NE® YOUR LOVING, RFAId

.Y, YES, I DO YOU SAID YOU TAVED,ME,KNOW I IT'S TRUE MY LIFE

I S COMPIEIB, DEAR, FOR NOW I HAVE YOU 0R HAPPY DAY, OH UICKY ME .

QUART : LIGHT UP A UJCKY,OH HAPPY DAY TARE ONE PUFF AND WE KNOW YW WILL SAY

UJCEY STRIICE IS THE SMOIIE I ILIEE .

SO ROUND AND FIRM :AN[) FULLY PACKED

IT'S BETTER TASTING, THAT 15 A FACT

00 UJCKY IMY. . OH HAPPY DAY, HAPPY .

BOB : A UJCKY'S CLPANER,-FRFSHER, TOO A LUCKY STRIKE IS .

.A SMOOTHEt SMOKE, ITIS'TROE OH HAPPY DAY, HAPPY GO LUCKY 1YtY .

&UBOB : OH HAPPY DAY, HAPPY GO LUCKY DAY . (APPIAUSE)

BB

901 00204 Rr . e 7 1 (4ECONA RO11fINB1 -6-

JACK : Sey Mary, that was very good . . .and it wea thoughtful of

Bob to get the Sportsmen to do it with him .

MARY& ~Zt sure was . . . Say deck, don't you think it's about tima

we left for the school euditorium?

JACK : Yes, we haventt got much t ime . . .Rochester, get my car out of the garage, will you please? ROCH : YOU CAN'T USE TH4 CAR, BOSS, A NAIT . WENP THttOWH OHIi 0F THE TIRES, JACK : Oh .

ROCH:~~y~EP ~I TOLD YOU NQP TO BUY SUCN C}IBAP TIRES . JACK: fJz,Rochester, the most expensive tire in the world can be . ' punctured by a nall . ROCH : A FI.NGEHNAIL?

JACK : Well, whet did you touch it for? . . .Alweye testing . . .NOw

~~,~w~het're we gonna do? MARY :Itex.C,i've got my car outside .

JACK : Okay, we'll go Lz 9oure . . . . Come on . MARY : *WFBye, Rochester .

ROCH : GOOI$YE . JACK : Goodbye . ROCH: G00DBYE .

(SOUPII> : F00=ST8PS . . .DOOR OPENS & CLOSES . . .

FOfrSTRPS ON CEMENT)

MARY : Jack, wasn't that a nice song Bob seng? JACK: Yeah . MARY : Oh look, Jack, he^e comes Dennis on a bioyole . (SOUND : FOOTSTSPS STOP)

BR

ATYl01 0 0 204 88 -7-

JACK : Where? TENNIS,OQHe11o, Mery . Hello, Mr . Benny,

JACK : Gh, hello, kid . Gee, we were just lsaving .Yor the school

suditorium . . . .aren't you gonna see the Beve ;ly Hills

Beavers put on their .pley?

IEPINIS : Gh, sure . . .but it's .such a nice night I thought I'd ride over on my new bicycle . JACK: Ch, is that a new one, Dennis? LBNNI3 : Yeah, I won it last night on e quiz program.

MARY : On a quiz program! . . .Gosh, you're reelly luoky . IYiNNI°. : Yeah : Was it. - JACK a hard question?

ITiNNIB : Ch no, it was easy . The man pointed at me end said,

"Hould you pay a hundred dollars for this bloycle?" I . said, "Yes" so I gave him the hundred dollsre and he geve me the bicycle . JACK : . Dennis - . ISNNI3 : I almost won a refrigerator but I didn't hove enough money .

JACK : Look kid, did the Master of Ceremonies of this quiz program heve a little hammer in his hend? IEHHIS : ilh huh : Dennis, you. MARY were at en auction . JACK : Certainly. . .and all those people crowded around were bidding. I know whst I'd hsve done if I'd had the hemmer ., . - How come on, we betterl. .`]ow come on, we better get to the

school auditorium . .

IENNIS : Okay . .

BR

Rrxo l 00204 e9 -g-

JACK : Oh, by the way, Dennis, did you ask your mother if you could go duck hunting with ms again next veek? IENNI3 : Yeah : Dennis,. MARY I didn't knov you go with Mr . Benny on his hunting trips . DENNIS : Oh sure, I'm his retriever . MAHY :You -- you msan when he shoots, you bringbBCk the ducks? DENNIS : No, when he misses, I have to bring back the buckshot . JACK :A11 right, all right . . .Now Lennis, leave your bicycle here and come with us . II3NNIS : Okay. ~ (SCHOOL TRANSITION MUSIC)

(SOUND : CROWD NOISES)

JACK : Say, this school auditorium really is paokep . . .but we got q~7 pretty good seats, didn't we, Mary? -I- - MARY~G~ These are fine . . .right in tt~ centerJ~-t JACK : Can you see a11 right, I7ennis? IBNNIS : No . ~~~ .

JACK : ~/Nhy don't you esk that man in front of you to teke off his hat? IENNIS : It isn't his . JACK : What? IENNIg : It's mine, I put it there : Well, take it off, end be . JACKquiet . . STUFFY : (WHISPER) Hey, W . Benny . . .hr . Benny .

JACK : Oh hello, Joey . . .is everything ready backstage for your show?

BR

Arxo 1 :oo2o4. 9 o .

I/

STUFBY : Uh huh.

JACK : Are the kids nervous?

STUFFY : Yeah, a little bit . JACK : Well, good luck .

STUFFY : Thanks, Mr . Benny. . .ec:d by the way, you'll be happy to know

that we're almost sold out of popcorn . JACK : Well, good, good . Now push the lemonade . . .Go ahead . STUFFY : Okay. . .You know, Miss Livingstone, tonight we're going to do a take-off on Mr . Benny's radio show

: I know. . MARY

JACK: Say, Joey . . .did you finally get a fat kid to play Don Wilson? STUFFY : 9h huh . c-~- JACK : Good, good . . .Now you40 better hurry ^you'11 be late . . .Well ,

Mary, it won't be long now before the shar aterts .

MAAY : Gee, I ho the BeavBrs really do e4p%4- -- JACK : (WHISPENS) ~~ Mary. .Mary. MARY : Huh? JACK : Don't look now but there's a lady across the eiale who keeps staring at va . I guess she recognises me . MPItY : Where? JACK : Shh, here she comes .

GLORIA : Pardon me, but would you be good enough to give me your ~ p autograph?

JACKfw.y Certainly .

(S0i1PID : PEN SCRATCHING ) JACK : There you are .

BR

AT7lO1 0020491 OLQRIA : Thank you . . .You were wonderful in "The Drunkerd" . JACK : H:mn.

MARY : I told you not to vear that cepe . JACK : I'll take it off . You know, Mary, this idea of the little

kids doing my radio progrem is really clever, isn't it?

MARY :ISN. , Yes, Jack, I think it's the cutest thing that -- oh, oh,

the curtain's going up . JACK : Yeah, yeah . (SOU~lD : CURTAIIV APENS)

JACK: And look,~,,et-he-g've even got a kid orchestra .

MARY : Quiet, here they go . . (F1VE PIECE VERSION 0 gRANiC : THn JACK HE 41 STARRIN;, JACK 3F:NNY. . . . WPPH MARY

LIVTi`X}STOtE, ROCHES'PER, I$sNNIS bAY, BCB CR03BY, AND "YOUL4 I,

TRULY" DON WIL90N

. . .FIVE PIECE THSME. (APPLAL5E UP ALID .DOJN) .

FRANK : AND NOd, LADIES AND G^'sNPIEMEN, I WOULD LIKE TO BRING YOU

THE STAR OF 01LR SHCH . .A MAN WHO STILL HAS TI E FIHST llOLLd+R

Ir- EVER EARNBD . .NOT HBCAUSE PE'S CHEAP, 30 BECAIS6 YOU

CAN'T SPEND CONFEI&'diAIE MONEY . .AND HENE Hg IS . . . JACK

BENNY .

(APPLA=) PETER : Thank you, thank you, thank you . . .Hello egain, this is Jack Benny telking . . .And Don, did you think up that introduction all by ycurself? FRANK : (IALGHIIN3) Yes Jack, end I thought it vas v®ry funny . PEPER : Oh, you did, eh?

BR

AT 14 07. 0020492 FRANK: Yes . (IAU}HS LOUD AND IANG)

PE48H : .. Don. . .Don . . .Blubber Boy . . .Tske it eesy . . .The lest time you

shook like that you got a proposal f r om Hilo Hattie . . .

And another thing, Don -- Oh hello, Mary .

BEVERLY : Hello, Jack . . .Hi ya, Don . ' PETEH: Sey Mary, I called you last night but your maid said you were out .

BEVERLY : Thet's right . I xent to the baseball geme p ith Van Johnson.

PETER : That was nice . Who von?

BEVERLY : When you're with Van Johnson, who watches the geme?

FRAtdC : Mary, what's this you dropped on the floor?BHVEHLY : That? Oh, that'e a .letter I got from Mema .

PETEH : From your mother, eh? . .What does the "Third Dimension" of

Plainfield have to say? - .

BEVERLY : (LALUHING) I'll read it to you . . .(CIBAaSTHROAT). . .MY

DARLING DAUGHTSR MARX. . .JLBT A FTW L'IIN'a5 TO IST YOU KNOW

THAT WE AHE ALL WELS, . . .THE WEATHER IS NIOH }IEHg NOA, BVT

AS YOU PHOBABLY READ IN THE PAPSH, LAST MONfH WE 1L1D AN

AWFUL BLIZZARD ANO Wf E N YOUH FATHEH CAic INFROM THE BARN,

HIS MIISCING HAND WAS FROZEN : Gee . . P8TFd2

BEVERLY : I HOPE IT THAWS OUP 500N AS WE ' D LHSH TO GET THg CON OUT OF THE HOUSE .

PETER : I don't bleme them .-

JACK : (WHISPIIi) Say Mary, Mary -- that little girl is a natural born actress .

BR

flT}SO9 U020493 MARY : (WHISPER) Yeah ., .she went right .on reading the letter, even though her bloomers were slipping down . JACK: Yeah

: NO 04T. BEVERLY E.R 6¢iW5 50 WILL CI OSE NaJ.,,WITH-IAVS ..YOUg IAVINJ

MOTFII2, PMMA . .

Pfs'i'ER : You know, Mary, your mother's letters got better ell the

time . But let's geton with the show . . . . Oh 8ob . . .BOB

CROSBY, I'M TAI7,INC TO YOU .

ERIC : Oh, I'm sorry, Jeck . . .I didn't hear you .

PETER : Didn't beer me? .

ERIC : No, I've been rehearsing the bend end my oare are still folded .

PETER : Oh. . .Say, Bob, I msant to ask you . . .did you learn bow to

pronounce that word yet? ERIC : I think so .

pETF1i : Let me hear you say it . ERIC : Menneshevevitz .

PETER : Well, keep tryir.g, Bob, you don't went to disgraoe your

wife and children . FAANK : Say Jack?

PETER : Whet is it, Don? ,

FRANK : I think this fe ll ow has a telegram for you . PETER : Well, what's he raiting for? Oh boy,, .boy. HARRY : Yessss : Oh fine. PETER . Are yc_ from Western Union? HAttRY : Who do you think I am with this uniform, Nelson Eddy?

PETER : Never mind, just give me the message .

BR

flTX01 0020494 -13-

HARNY : Here you ere, PETER : And here's a tip for you .

HAHHY : Oh boy, a nickel . . .Nov I can send my father through college .

PETER : Say, I've had troub],e with you before, What's the matter

with you, do you enjoy eggravating me?

HARRY : Oooooooh, do I .

. (SOUND : DOOR SLAM) PETER : Hmm, . .Now let's see, .I wonder who this telegrem -- a•- BEhENLY : Jack, you only gave*j IM& a nickel tip . . .That ' 8 the cheapest thing I ever heard of .

PETENs Mary, be quiet or you'll be known as Nylon Nellie at the

May Compeny. . .And now, ledies end gentlemen, for our

feature attraction tonight, we are going to do -- STAFFIC : Hello, Mr . Henny ., .Hello, Msry,

BEVERLY : Hello, Dennis .

PETFR : Hey kid, I'm gled you got here, beceuse it's time for

your -- Neit a minute, Dennis, look at me . .

STCFFY : Huh? PETER : Dennis, this is the first time I ever aev you weering glasses . Are yoam eyes bad?

STUFFY : No .

PETER : Then why are you veering those glasses?

STUFFY : My uncle died end left them to me .

PEI'EN : Your uncle? Oh, that's a shame .

STUFFY : Yeah, I can't see a darn thing with them .

HR

prxo 11 0020495 1 PETER : Well, for heaven's sakes, kid, if you can ' t see vith them,

take them off . Just because somebody leaves you something

in a will, you're not compelled to use it . STUFFY : I'm not? PE'iai : No . STUFFY : Anybody wante buy a set of teeth? PETER

: Elov cut that out . . . . And take off those glasses, it's tirrs for your song . .

STUFFY : Okay .

PETER : While you're singing, I'm going out in the he11 and get a candy bar out of the machine,

BR

ATX 0 1.0020 4 96 I ( naTao ) -IS-

STUFFY : NOd CIANCY WAS A PEACEFUL MAN, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

THE COPS PICIU;D UP THE PIECES AFfBR CLANCY IEFf THE SCENE . HB NE'VER IAOKED FOR TROiIBIE, THAT'S A FACT YOU CAN ASSUME

BUP NBVSRTiffiIESS WHEN TROLBIE WOULD PR6SS

CLANCY LOWERED THE BOOM .

OH THAT CIANCY . OH THAT CLANCY

WflENEVER THEY GOT HLS IRISH UP .

CLANCY LOWERED THE BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM . THE NEIGHBORS ALL TSIIiNF.D OUP FOR IIATE 0'ORAUY'S WEDDING NIGHT . MACDOlDAL SAID, "IEP'S RAVE SOME FUN, I THINC I'Id . START A FIGHT :" ?u WRECIEID THE HALL, THGN KISSED TH6 BRI.US AFm PULYERI7ZD THE GROOM .

T} EN QUICK AS A WINS, BEFORE YOU COULD THINK

' CLANCY LOWERED TH6 BOOM .

OH THAT CLANCY, OH THAT CI A NCY

Wk3EHEVER THEY GOT HIS I,HISH UP,

CLANCY LOWERED Tfff. BOOM,

OH THAT CLANCY, OH THAT CLANCY

Wf2 NBVfiR THEY GOT HIS IRISH UP

CLaNCY LOWERED THE BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

(SURE 'TWAS THE MOST BEAL'r7FIQ . SIGHT YOU

EVER DID SEE WHEN CLANCY LOWERED THB $OOM .) (APPLAUSS)

BR

8T1101 0020497 . (BGUND : FPTi FOGTSTF.PS)

PETIIt : Where's the candy machine . . . Oh, here it ie .-. . Now

let's see . . . They've got Hersheys . . ;Circhs Peanuts . . .

Life Savers . .Babe Ruth -. . . anfl Millq DSp . . . . I think

I'll get that one, . . .A tdllky Dip : .

HARRY : Hey, bu3 . . .bud: PET ER : Huh? . HARRY : Come here a minute .

PETER : Who, me? .

HA1EY: Yeah . .lihatcha doin'?

PFPiSt : I'm getting some candy .

HARRY: 4(hat kind? PPYEP, : A T4ilky Dip . - - HARRY : tin-uh . ' PLTGR : Vhat'r HARRY : Get a Hershey Bar . PETIR : w(rty a Hershey Bar?

HARRY: In this hot weather nothing runs like chocolate .

PEx7;8^Sut I want a LI11Ny Dip . HARRY : Millq Dip hasn't got a chacce .

PE7PFR : that are you talking about? Milky Dip not only has-

chocolate on the outal3e, 'out it has cream in the center .

HARRY : That's what'11 give you tae trouble .

PDPII2 : What?

HARRY : Cream is hard to handle unless you whip At . PLR77t : Gee, I never thought of that . You really think I should

get a Hershey Bar ? i DH

HT 90 i- : 0020/199 -17-

HARRY : Can't miss, . .Look at the last performance .

Last performance?

HARRY : Yeah. Comin' out of the machine, Hershey was boxe3 in by Life Saver, but got through the hole .

PETFR : Really? BARRY : An3 Life Saver was the 04now- PBTAR : Well, I don , t know . . . . I ' m still gonna -- Wait a minute,

I know what 1111 do . . . .I. ' 11 get Almond Joy .

HARRY : Okay, St ' s your dough,

(APPLAUM) . MARY : (WItiSPIItS) Wasn't he cute, Jack . . .just like the tout on our show . JACK : (WHISPh32S) Yeah . SEVIRLY : (CALLING) Hurry up, Jack, Dennis has finished his song . PETiRi : okay, Mary .

(SOUND : FEW FOOTSIEPS. . .iCOR OPE1ffi) . gEVIItLY : What took you eo lonG, Jack? '~ . Oh, I ran into that race tract!tout .A flow where were we?

IY: We're supposed to start our sketch . JACR: Oh, yes . . . .Well, hold it a seco:3 . .kids, before we start, I want to call Rochester .

( SO UND: RECLIVER UP . .CiSCiC CLICK OF

RECEIVI1i . . .FADIT:G 70 BUZZ BUZZ)

AT H01 0020499 -18-

PATTY ; Oh, Mable?

SANDY : What is it, Gertrude? PATTY : blr: Benny's line is flashin6 . (SOUND : PLUG IN)

PATTY : Hello . PETER : Hello, Gertrade, .will you try to get me Rochester, please? PATTY : Just a moment, Blue Eyes .

(SOi1PID : PLUG OUT) .

PATTY : He wants I should get him Rochester . SANDY : It's a good thing he talked to you . I'da hung up on hi ; PATTY : Why?

BANDY : Jack took me out once and jW didn't even kiss me .

goodnight ,, ., I can't understand it . . . .

this . I even brought my lips up close to him like PATPY : Well, no wonder he didn't kiss you : L(nat? . SANDY

PAT1'Y: I ' ve seen a better Pucker on a closed laundry bag .

( SODrD: CLICK, cz.lcK, claCx) PGTAR : Oporator „,operator, get me Rochester . (80UND : CLSCK CLICK CIICK) PATTY: Yes, Mr . Benny . . .I'm ringing for you : PHOISG RINGS ON OTE4R yND. (SJUhD . .RLCLIN72 UP .)

WAUPII2 : Yqr, Benny's residence, star of stage, screen, radio, television, and get your income tax filled out by the

man who knows .

PL•17St : Never mind that, Rochester .

ar 9 o 1 oo 2 o 5 oo -19-

NA71fIR : Oh, it's you, Bose . P6THR : Yeah:,, .Did the man from the used car lot come around . to buy my car? WAIIPII2 : Yes, sir, PC1Y9t : Well, did you tell hlm the price was a thousa[ri dollars? WAU1'lR : Uh huh . . but he told me that the used car market has 9ropped some in the last few days . PEPNR : Oh, .,,what did he offer you? WAi11E12 : Seven fifty .

PF.T1Rt : Well, that isn'tt so bad . WALTIR : You oughta see where the decimal point ie- .

PLTFR : Now, Rochester, stop being on his side . . . . You know as well as I do that the car is worth a thousan3 dollars .

WAIA'FR : OH, BOSS, COlSG NOW

: All right, all rlght; PRT17{ . . . . We11, tell the man I'm not

selling it anyuay, and come down to the .studio ani

pick me up . (3oo$bye

: GOOOOOOOOOOODODB7CL . : SJAIJPII2 (SOUND: RECGLVIIi DOWN) . (APPLAUSE) BEVFRLY : Jack, you were on the phone so lonC, we haven't got time to do the play .

PLTFR : I don't know ., .you try to put on a program an3 something always happene, ;, .Play, Bob .

JACK: i.ENiONADF, GET YOLHi LTiFfONADU IN THE IABSY,

tdARY : Jackl

JACK : Oh, I'm sorry, (APPL4USG & PLAYOFF) IA[

Rrx 01 0020 5 0 1 DON : Jack will be back in a minute to tell you .about his television show which goes on imse3iately after this program but first, here's a wor3 to you emokers who are looking for better taste in a cigarette .

DON : Jack will be back in a minute to tell you about his

television program which goes on at 7 :00, .PM tonight

over the CBS Television Network „ but fJ,rst, here's

a wor3 to you smokers who are lookin g for better taste

in a cigarette .

19 t 5 rxo oo2o o2 I THE TOBACCO THg J~$E 7NY PROGRAM~ET #0 -C FffiNCARY 20, 1955 CL032NG C T°T .0[AC (. WII80N : Jack vili be back in just a minute, but first a word

to you smokers whoare Looking for better taste in a

cigarette . Bettertaste, friends, is the prime concern

of the makers of Lucky Strike . That's why a Lucky is

mede of fine good-taating tobacco that's toasted to

taste even better . Yes, better taste begins with fine,

iight, miid tobacco . . .good-tasting tobacco, And then

t:Et tcbacco is toasted . "IT'S TOASTID" w- the famous

Lucky Strike process -- brings Luckies' fine tobacco to

its peak of fiavor,, .tones up this naturally

good-tasting tobacco to make it taste even better .

J'-eaner, fresher, emoother . So, make your next carton :.ucky Strike and Be Happy, Go Lucky .

TRANSCRIBEJ "I,' you want better taste from your cig-a-rette, OLLTNS & FULL CALYPSO Lucky Strike is the brand to get! VERSION Cg' SONO-37. .SEC .) IT'S TC?STID to give you the best taste yet, It's the toasted (CLAP . . .CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-rette .

i^Ry taie fine tobacco, it's light tobacco,

it's mi'_d tobacco, too .

lr.en IT'S TOASTED, yes, IT'S TOASTED because the toasting brings the flavor right through . Sc, to get better taste from your cig-a-rette,

,ttckv Stike is the brand to get!

IT'S TOASTED to give you the best taste yet,

It's the toasted (CLAP . . .CIAP, CL4P)

cig-a-retteJ" . BB

fl T Y!O 1 . - . 0020503 (TAG)

JACK : ladies and gentlemen, I was going to tell .you about my

television show, but we're a little late,so tune in

and watch it . .Goodnlght, folks . (APPLADB&)

DON : The Jack Benliy Show tonight vae written by Milt Josefsberg, John Tackaberry, Al Gordon, tlgl Goldman, and produced and transcribed by Billiard Marks .

BB

Rrxot oo2o 5 o4 _p2_

}ORBENT TAREYTON HIt 301F

Filter smokers : True tobacco taste . . .real filtration . .

famous TAREYTON quality . . .they're all youra vhen you

smoke Filter Tip TAREY'PON . Filter Tip TARENPON gives

you all the full, rich taste of TAREYTON!S Quality

tobacco and real filtration, too, because Filter Tip

TAREYTON incorporatee Activated Charcoalp renowned

for its unusual powers of selective filti8tion . Look

for the red, white and blue stripes on the package .

They identify Filter Tip TAREYTON, the best in filtered smoking .

DON : The Jack Benny program was brought to you by the

American Tobacco Company . . .America's leading

manufacturer of cigarettes . ,

BB

RT if 0 7 ~, .0020505 d B,NM 5~3)

RFVI38D#SORI PT AMERICAN .T0B4CC0 COMPANY . . LUCKY STRIltE TlBE JACS BENNY PRCGRIM SU=Y. FffiRIWNY 27, 1955 OBS 4 :00 - h :30 PM PST

(Transcribed - Doc . 1, 1954)

CAST: JACK BENNY ROCHFSTER DENNIS A4Y DON WILSON SP~NMEN~gIUARTET MEL BIANC JONE SARIF, NERB VIQBAN FRANK NRISON B$NNY BUBIN DICA RYAN SARA BIsNNBR SAM HFARN JFANIIT& EYM4NN HY AVERBACK

BA

Rrxo i ooaosos TRE AMC.RICAN TOBACCO COMPANY UJCKY 3PRIKE opening : 1 .36 Cloaing: 1 .32 THE JACK PM PROGRAM PgHRGARy 27, 1955 Totai : 3 :09 OPISNING CONIIdffiiCIAL WILSON : THE JACK BffiiN1C PROGRAM . . .transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike, the cigarette that taetes better!

LIGHT UP TIME JINGLE -#1 - .21 sec

. (SOUND : TIC TOO - 6 BFATS) _ GROUP : Light up a Lucky 50IA : It's Light Up Time GROUP : Be Heppy Go Luoky SOLD : It's Light Up TiV:e

For the taste that you like

. Light up a Lucky strike - - GROUP : Relex! (RUM GLISS) 80ID & GRCGP : It's Light Up Tij¢e

WILSON : This is Don Wilson, friends, and I certainly agree

- there's no time like rlaht now to light up a Lucky and

find out first hand vhat real, deep-down smoking

en j oyment is . I .mean the en j oyment that comes from better taste . . .because e Lucky teates better every time . And the reasons vhy are world famous . First of

all, L9/JMF l', Lucky 8trike means fine tobacco .

Tobacco so fine, so light, so mild, it just naturally

tastes better . And then, something very important

happens to Luckies' fine tobaooo . "1T'S TOASTED" .

"TT'S TOASTID" is the famous Lacky Strlke process that brings Luckiea' naturally good-tasting tobaoco to its

; Peak of flavor, tones it up to make it tsete even better . (MORg) CB

prxo 1 oo 2 05o 7 J THE AMERI AR N TO&+CCO COMPANY THE JACK 8$tRi7C PROGRAM DJC%Y STRIKE FEBR(1ARy 27, 1955

oPErrux} ocnu EROrnL (coNr ' D) L90N : Cleaner, fresher, smoother . so right now, while the CONT'D) show gets ur.der way -- or r.+nenever it's light-up

time for you, Be'Reppy - (i_° Lucky . Enj6y Luclq strike -- the beat testing cigarette you ever smoked!

GRT UP T IME 3IGLE -0 .13 sec . ( S IORT ClOSE)

ORCUP : For the taste that pu'like

Light up a w 9trike Right~IOx!

GROUP ;

GISSS) 3QIA : ~ I;ight up a Lucky (Sr0I4N )- SOIA BcGRCAP : It's Lfght UP T1e1e •~

CB

AiYS01 . 0020508 . 1 TR8q KE t IOAN TOBACCO COMPANY THE JACK SffiiNY PROGRAM FID~1~ 22 9S, B 1955

OPENING CCNMERCIAL (CONT'D)

(OPTIONALILIl$iT fiUP JINGLE - ,$ - .20 sec . GROUP : Light up a Luoky 50LOe It's Light Up Time GROUP : Ba Rappy Go Luclq SOLO : It's Light Up TiWe For the taste that you like Light up a LuolSy . Strike GROUP : Right now!

(HUM GLISS)

SQL0 : Light Up a Luoky(SPO KE N) SOIA & CROUP : It's 1Light Up Time

C8

Arx 010 0 2 0 5 0 9 (FIIL9T RCUPINg) (AFTSg CCMMIIiy+ ,`IAL, MOSIC UP AND DCWN)

DON : THg LUCKY STRIISE PRCORAM, STARRING JACK BffiCV1[. .WITH MARY

LIVINCBTCNE, RCOHBSTBR, DENNIS IYiY, BOB CROSBY, AND "YCUHS

THULY", DON WILSON . (APPILIUSE . .MUSIC UP AND DOr71V)DCN

; AtID NOd, IADIRS AND 4EN'^LFMEN , WE'D I,II4.+ TO TAKE YOU BACK

TO THORSDAY EVSNIN6 AT THE C .B.S. RADIO STUDIOS . TBS

JACK BENNY SHOrI HAS JUST FINIS}Q;D ITS WHNIQX REHEanSeL . JACK; All right, fellows, that's about it . .but before anybody leaves, I want to check some things . Hey, Mahlon?

MAffiAN: Yes, Jack?

JACK : I'd like you to rehearse the opening music with the boys . .

I'd like the tempo plcked up a little

: Okay, I intended to hsve another orohestra. M4RIAN rehearsal

anyway .

D&NNISl:^ I want to stay and go over my song once more

; b- k,Fine, Dennis . . .Nov Don . . . . JACK

DON : Yes, Jack .

JACK: One little thing . Every time we rehearsed that j oke on

page twelve, you broke up and laughed through the whole thing . DON : I knoN ; Well Don, . JACK you're supposed to play that straight . You're

supposed to do it With sincerity . It's not funny when -you,laugh . - . '

DCN : ,:AISM, I can't help laughing . .iti 1 fvnny .

BA

fiT7101 0020510 JACK: ~. Well, let's try itonoe more, Don . .~[ this time play it . - d..Aa N 1....,...s- .!- e: ~ ~, _ - straightm. .It's on'the bottom of page twelve . . .(1o ahead . DON: Okay.

~ (SODfID: PA6ffi TURNING IN SCRIPT) . , JACK: ~b-,Take it, Don ./l ' , d,-.^a- r---aQ °-" ~ I i DON : (CIFARS THROAT) You know, ever~Jeince I was born, my

father wanted swr to be a J ockey . JACK: Oh Don, that's si11y . . .Jookeye only veighabout ninety pounds .

DON: (IABGHINO) Well, that's exaotly whet I weighed when I

was born . (HE IAWt15 ANN BRHAK3 HI6BELF UP)

JACK: For heaven's sake,-9m . .you laughed all the way through it a in .

DON : Well,'I ~ust aen~t k~lp it. JAM. It ' s so ridlculoua .

JACK : Ridiculous? DON: (STRAIOIit) Yeo-, when I was born, I weighed a hundred- and twenty pounds . JACKs How do you like thet . .and I paid a writer,nine dollars

for that joke . . . . Now fellows, we ' ll have another sorlpt

rehearsal tomrror aqrning at ten o'clook .

M4ffidlN : Can ' t you make it later, Jack . . . I've got .to get a

hsircut tomorrow morning .

JACK: Well---- DRNffiS(S'.}.,Mr. Benny . . . . I have to get a haircut, too. DON ;', That's a ooincidepoe . .I heve to get a hairout, too .

BA

Ar 901 0 0 2 0 511 -s-

JACK: . . .H= rm. . .if there's anything I can't stand, it's a bunch

of showoffs . . .Look, fellows, we've scheduled the rehearsal

for tomorrow morning . . . . why do you have to waste time .~~ like that?

DON : Ot.[+,It's not a vaste of time, Jack . . . Don't you=get baircuta when your heir gets too long? .

bENNIS: He has Rochester wash it and it shrinks . JACK: -lr: . .Dennis, I suppose you thought that was funny . DENNIS: Yes, air . DON : AM I agree with him, Jack .

JACK: Oh, you AliF'~~I(~~-~- ~- ~^, ^'~, ~-~ l . DON: Ye~? . .accordYng to the greatest authoritl¢s on comedy, the basic ingredient of all humor is the blunt insult .

JACK: Really . Don? DON : Yes . JACK : Well, shut up, Blubber Bucket, is that blunt enough? . . . . Now let's see ...... Aennis, if you're ready to rshearse

your eon4 n`I'd,like t~o haar it

.n~'54MM 1.•~.get~aXctoke. DEtII?IS y~{,Ny throat ie,~dry first .

JACK: Oh . .Well, Mahlon, wtyy don't you lot the boys in the band take a little break . MAHi.ON: Yeah . .(IIP) Okay fellows, take five .

(SOUND : IIYTS Q f GULPING AND GURGISNG .)

JACK: (Yr'S.L4) HE NiFANT FIVE MLNUPE39, NOT IA2ItMS . . . . Wnat a bunch

of guys .

BA

ar 9 o 1 .oo 2 os 12 -4-

V N0.}HAN: Go ahead, fellows . .take a five minute break . ., (SOIM: HOSHING OF FE6T. .JANGLING OF INSTHD"N7l9, El'C . )

DON : Say Nahlon, I've noticed something . . .Bvery time the boys in the band leave, 3em:p the drummer stays tiehind . doesn't he go with them? MAHfAN: Well, SaMM9 doesn't like to mix with them, . .They're always

insulting him and saying mean things about him. JACK :~;L&n,I've noticed that, too . .wt+v doesn't he stiok up for

himself and answer them back?

MAH[AN: Oh, he's afTaid to . JACK: Afraid to? But Samlp's the biggest guy in the band . . .Is he a coward?

NAffiAN : Not exactly, but you see, he's been down on his hsnds and - kbees so long-he thlnke evergbody-is ten-feet-tali :----JACK

: ldt.~gee . :Msi~ he must think the piano is the Golden Gate

Bridge. . .Well, that's about a11 . . .I'm going to my dressing

room. Mehlon, let me know about those new .arrangements

as soon as they're ready,w .Af ya--~

M4ffiAN : Okay Jack, I'll call you . What's your number at home again?

JACK: Orestview 4-0555 . - M4HIAN: (AS THOIKiH WAITING IT DOWN) Crestview . .4 . .G . .5 . .5 . •5• . JACK: That's right . .see you tomorz'ou . DENNISe(;~

f i BA I

f

Rrxo 1 -oo 2 o 573 -5-

JACK : Okay, kid . (SOUND : FOOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPENS & CIABES. .FOOIS7cPS . . PADE AND SLI5TAIN IN H .G . )

JACK: Gee, the studiosaure look nice end bright since they

replastered and painted the wells,

DENNIS : Yeah . . JACK : It must have cost e lot of mone7 : it cost four thousen9, aix hundred. DENNIS end twenty-skmea : dollars end ninety-two cents . JACK : Dennis „how did you know the e :cact amount?

DENNIS : t4y mother was foreman on the j ob . JACK : Hmwnm . . .Well, here's the coke mechine . . :Ycu said you wanted to get one, .

DENNIS : Oh yeah . ~~(SOUcD : JINGLING OF COINS) I7ENNIS :,~ f~h, here's a dima . (SOUPID : C02N IN SLOT)

DENNIS : N:m. . . Nothing ogme out

: BEATING ON. (HOi1lID MACNINE)

JACK : Dennis, don't beat on the machine like that, you'll

break it . DENNIS : But I put my dims in and nothing ceme out . JACIC : Well, that's the chance you take . ! ffiNNIS :•~~~..~~,,~~deit a minute, .,here's a sticker on the mechine . . .It says ""For repairs, call Crestview 4-0555 ."

JACK : , See you later, Dennis .

I6NNIS~~,Weit a minute, that's your number .

RM

Arx 01 0 0 20s1 4 -6-

JACK: Don't be such a bad loser . . .I'm going to my'..dreesing room .

(SOUND : CovPI E FdarsTEPS . .DOOa oPE as & oiq W .) , JACK : Well, I'll get all my things out of [ere')etd t~I'll 4) ~J _-~ (SOUND : DOOR OP&2~.

JSNHY : Say, vhat are you doing here? JACK: Miss, this happens to be my dressing room : Mister, either you can't read, or you ought. JENNY to get your glesses f7xed : It's my dressing. JACK room, it's been converted . JENNY : Oh, I'm sorry.

(SOUND : DOOTi CLOSES)

JAOK: Well, I guess I'll get my things together 50 -- ~W, first

I better call the parking lot and have them push my car

, around to the front . . At takes longer now that a vheel is

missing .

(SOUND : RECSIVgR UP . . TFIItEE DIALS) .

JACK : Hello, this is Mr . Benny . Will you please bring mycer around to the front?',,,Thank you .

(SOUND : R.nC6NER DOrlN)

JACK: Well, I may as well go now . (SOURD : BOOTSTEPS, .IlO~it OPENSMFOOTST3P8) . -~11- JACK : (HUMS LOVE IN BLOOM) go iw the" studio and say goodbye to the gang .

(SOUND : DOOR OPENS) JACK : So long fellows .~ +c,Mr . Benny . .I thought. IENNIS~r ~ you A9d gone homa .

JACK : I'm just leaving ., .can I drop you at your house? FQA

Rrx01 0 0 20515 -7-

DENNIS : No, I'm going to the doctor aoross the street . . .I'm .o~~ getting a treatment fCr water on my knee .

DON : uu- , Gee, Dennis, I didn't know you had water on the knee .

DENNIS : Well, I have, snd it bothers me a lot,, .espeolelly et

night .

JACK: At night? ' ITsNNIS : Yeah, the splashing keeps me awake . JACK : Hmmn . . .

7 ENNIS : It's at its worst ebDut three in the morning .

DON : Why? I93NNIS : T at's vhe~ the tide comes in . JACK: ,Ayou'shouldnrt have asked him . . I wes going to ignore the silly kid . .He's making the whole thing up, .He hasn't ~ got water on the knee A[ probebly never had it,

DBNNIS6k.,Yes, I have ., .I got it when my mother dropped me when she

was giving me a bath,

JACK: When you were a baby? ISNNIS : No, lest week . JACK : Now cut that out„ I'm leaving now. .and Mahl,on, don't forget to call me about those arrangements . :.So long, fellows . (TRANSITION MCHIC)

(SOUND : CHINAWARE AND SILVERWARE TINNLINU .) ROCH: HCN'D YOU ENJOY YOO .R DINNER, MR . BENNY? JACK : ,~ l1~ ~I It was very good, Rouhester . Now I'll heve my coffee . R00H : HEIC YOU ARE . . (SOUND: CUP ON SAUCER) ROCH : WOULD YOU LIKE A LI'M7E CCGNAC IN YOtIIi COFPTE? RM

arxot 0ozosi~ -8-

JACK 9 : I would . .but, .heve we~ ot_ eny co ~ac f ~ ROCH : 1YE , UEE~ OUf TRAT~`FAAI(E YOU GOT F~~ ~CHI~tISTM~:~ ~ . t _. . . ~ Oh, ~ood,~o~, . ,~

ROCHe ~+-, SAY BC63, AFTER I N 44ISH'j THB DISHES, CAN I HAVE Tpg-REST 1 OF THG NICHP OFF?

JACK : I guess so„have you got a date? . ROCH : YHAHfIl43H. . .I'M GOING OVER TO MY GIRL FAISfm SUSIH'S HOL6G TO WATCH TBIIE7ISI0N . . .TT'S SO NICE AND OOZY THERE . . .JU9T

Tf E TWO OF US ON'IR E SOFA„WITH THQ LHHI19 DIIRd;DDOY/N,

JACK : Say, this will be the third tims this veek you've been

thesre „have there been eny good shows on television this week?

ROCH : WHO KNOWS, HPIi SEf'3 BROIQSN .

JACK: AiNt .,Okey, Rochester, you can heve the night of£ . .but

be sure you're home at a reasonable hour. ROCH : 1'OUR RSASONABIE OR MY REASONABIE? JACK : Never mind . .just don't .be so lete that --

. (SOUNO : PHONE RING3) .. ROOH : WANT M6 TO ANSWER,TH6 PHONE, BOSS?

JACK: No, you finish the dishes, I'll get it in the den . (SOUAO : FOOT3TEPS„STSTAIN IN B .G .~) ~~ , JACK : Ham., .His reesona)ble or my reesonable . .~i[(lmvar forget

last New Years 8ve . .He vent out id he didn't come in till

five . .Februery five . . .I'mgoing to have a long talk with

him bfidNOW. ., .

. (SOUND : PHONE HINGS . . .RRCBIVER UP)

RM

Ar 901 00205 » a

~ -9- JACK: Hello . IdAHIAN : Hi Jack, this ]e Mahlon Merrick .

JACK : Oh, have you got thosemusloal srrangements I asked for?

[MFIIAN : Well, I was bringing them over with Remley, but he had to

stop off here at a gas'statlon to get filled up .

JACK : Oh, xell vhen . . .vait a minute . . .I didn't know 1i`rankie had

a car . MAHIAN : F.e havn't, he'll drink anything . JACK : Oh .

MAtIIAN : I'11 try and get them over soon . JACK: . Okay, goodbye. . (SOUM7 : RECEIVER DOWN) _

. JACK : Gee. . .Imaglne Frankie getting high on gasoline . . .I hope

it's Mobilgas, then everybody can "Look for tlle sign of

the Flying Red Guitar Player" . . . .Gosh, what a bunch of guys

those musicians are . . .I don't know why I keep .them around . . .

they can't play music . . .a lot of~ times theydon't even bother

showing up for the program . . .~When they do shov up, the

condition they're in . . .Nov that I think of it, those fellows

haven't sobered up once in all the years theylve been with

me . . .If they ever start cashing their checks, I'm gonna fire

them . . .I don't know why I-- Sayyyy, what's this message

here%* the phone . . .it's in Rochester's handwriting . . .

(sIAWLY, AS THOUGH RCADIN1) . . . . . Darryl. . .Zanuck. . .oalled . . .

(UP) OR ROCHESTER, ROCHRSTSR . . . . WHAT'S THIS M63SAGS ABOUT

MR . Z4NUCK CAi3.ItINC? . ~ . .

flT 90 10020518 -10- ROCH : (OFF) OH YES, MR . BENNY . . .HR PHONBD THI8 AFTBRNWN FROM

TNENCIETH CENTURY FOS .STUnIOS . ~~ ~

JACK : What did he want, what did he want, what, vhat, vhatj^'-'~`

ROCH : YOU OWE H]M A D]ME, THEIR COKE HACHINE 15 OT/1'-OF ORDER .

JACK : Ch . . .well, you know what to do . . :send him the .questionaire

he has to fill out, and the six form lettershe has to sign

in front of a notary pubilc . ROCH: 3UP BOSS, NOBODY N71J.. :00 THROA}H ALL THAT JUST TO 6FP A DIM BACK . JACK : (HAPPY) Iknow . . .(HRdS LPfTIE OF IAVE IN BIDON)

ROCH : ?.Rc YOU OOAtO 0Uf TO A MOVIE TONI(iHI`, MR. $RNNY4

JACK: No, them's some good,wrestling on television tonight, and

1 went to watch St . . .l[ey, look what time it 1e : ; :I better

turn the set on or I'll miss the main event

: CLICK OF TEIbN78I0N SET (i0 IN . (SOUND

: iT3I.L, HHIIE YOU I RE WATCHItd3 T .V., I T LL 00 BACK} ON) ROCH IN THE KM`CfU:N AND FINISH NY HORK . JACK : Okay, Roohester~ :w~hile the set's waxming uy,I think I'll get oomfortableAin thls -awr chair : SITPIAl1IN CHAIR) . (SOUND . JACK : F:e;, what's this picture ooming on . .,those four fellows lcck like the Sportsnren Quartet . .

Hy: Now for their next nitsber, the Sportsmen Qaai'tet w311

sing "No Business LSKe Show Business" fromthe 20th Century

Fox picture of the same name .

BB

I

fiTiS01 0020519 QUART : TIffi BUP CHER , THE BAAER, THE GROCER, THE CISRK

KNOW WR I RR THE SPORTSMF1i ON Tf R RADIO

WRNE MUMT RE D, WEryFy STUM'6RED , AND WSNE GONE ffitSERK

TO MAAR OUR LUCKY STRIK@ COPBAERCIAL9 00

WHAT WE DO TO A SONG IS REALLY SAD

WAAT OTHER BUSIIM S PAYS YOU TO BB BAD

TILL THE END OF TIME WR, LL BE HAUN1Rs9 BY THIS RRYMF: . SM.O%8 A LUCKY FROM IIRNTUGHY, TNEY'RE JUST DUCKY yES AND THEY:RE ALL MINE BILL : TRSN I SANG PAIS.ILCCI . AtD SOMEONE SROUfD HAVE SROT ME

QUART : BUP N0, OUR SPONSOR Ti OUGNT THAT Il' WAS FINE

i/i MENTIONED IACIiY STTtISE9 IN EVER1i LINE

Ths.RB I S NO BUSINESS LIRE 3R0W BUSINPSS LIRE NO BUSIWRS3 WE RN(W7 EVIIiYTiiING ABOIIT IT 78 APPEAL7RG SVT+'"1rSNG THE TRAFFIC WILL ALiAW

AS FOR MONEY WE GET RARDLY ANY

W?.+VE WORI ED FOR BENNY RAihP

U P TILL NOW . TFmRE+3 N0 TROUBIE I. .1t~ OUR TROUBIE WfS,ti W: TRY TO COLI80P

WE t D E BL'PPER OFF IF WE NLRE ROM6 IN BID Tv $LT tiq, NOT US, IT I S 9M36 INSTEAD ~70~~ASF.NNS ~ IT bwPolimokm ! _~ A WORD WE:VE SAID LSTIS GO ON WITH TfM SHOW . (MORE)

flT)XO l 0020 5 20 -32 - THWI S HO CSAARfifmR ,rm I n) NONE YOU CAH GET

I.IIB IACMS WE KHOW

LUC[QtiS AHB TEE SMOK6 THAT YOU WII,L TREASURE

IAC'Kl--S HAVE THAT 867TER TASTE YOU LIKE

TfIIRE I S NO WAY WE KNOW , TO REALLY MEASURE

THE SvOKIIiG PIEASURE IN LUCKY STRIKE

Tf 1TVI RE CIFiltW THROUl3H AND TRROUGH

MUC'tt FRESHQ2, TOO . SO S.'~'.GOTH AS YOU KNOW LUCK_'+ STRIKE MEAHS FINB TOBACW YOUtLL AGRFE A 7DASTID CTGAREiTE, THEYIRS FOR ME

NOW I S THE T44E TO LIGHT AN ISMF2

YOU l L LIKE UJCKIRS WE KNOW - YES YOUI LL L.IRE LUCIQFS WE KNOW . (APPIAUSE)

fli}SO 1 00 2052 . 1 -13-

(THIiD ROVrINE)

JACK : I That was real good .

NY: This concludes another program of music sponsored by the

Shamrock Hotel in Aouston ; Texas . . .For reservations call

the clerk right at the .hotel . The number Ss ltouston -

6-903857648941o273695. -L JACK :~, ~~ Gee, evervthinz's~big down in Texes . . . . vhet a number . HY: U=.~.,Correotion, please . .]IJve just been notified that for

reservations at the Shamrock Hotel, you're to~oall the

Flsmingo Hotel in Las Vegas . . ;The Flamingo has j ust won the~Shemrook .

JACK: !t that's silly ...... I better get the channel the

wrestling matches are on .

(SOUND : CLICK OR TWO OF TEIEVI3ION DIAL)

NELSON : 1RsT_.•.iTaTTx.i., THAT WAS AN EXOII'ItA BOUT

: That's St, that's it . . JACK

NELSON : NOW RLFCRE WE TFTECAST .T1E MAIN EVENP, HF1RE'S A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR, THE FR7ENpLY CRFI)1T CLOTHING ST06B .

RUBIN : YES, MEN, IF YCU P EED SIACKS, SUITS, 8PORT JACKElPS, OR ANY

OTRER WPARI[$3 APPAREL,GEP TR41 AT THE FRIEPNLY CRED 1T

CIp17[INO STORE . . .NO MONEY DOWN, JUST PAY A DOLLAR A WEEK . . . .

AND RF MEMBER , Tfd;SE CIA'PHES ARE GUARANTE•ID, NOT FOR MONTHS,

NOT FOR YEARS, BUT FOR LIFE . . .THGY HAVE TO BE 1 ECAUSS THAT'S HOW IANG YOU'LL BE PAYING . JACK: Rmmm,

RUBIN : NOW BACK TO THE WRESTLIVG MATCHES .

ffi

AT 80 3- 0 020522 Lw i ~ ~ a . 1l , E, 2 -14- NEL40N : ~ :7 W18'RBaVV1S NIM ~ BOTH WRESTUM ARE NOW

, .'IN THE RING. THg CONPESTANf9 ARE IARD

'FEATHERSTONE, AND PROFESSOR IAMONP WHO 13 I4i0WN AS THE

ABBENT MINDED PROFSSSOR .

JACK: Gosh, what big fellows .they ara .

NELSON : THE REFEREE HAS BTdRAONffi) THg MEN T0 THE CENTER 0F THN

RING . . .FE4T} E RSTONB HA$ TAKEN 0FF HIS ROBE AND HIS TRUNK4

ARE BIACK WITH A WHSTE STRIPE . . .NOW THE PROFE9SOR 13

TAKING OFF HIS ROBE AND HIS TRUN&4 ARE--11 HE REALLY IS ABSRNP MAtDED . .~- .~Q-Q `'a~ -4- .s JACK:

Pnr?Wm. . . :Oh, the matoh is about to start . . .th1e should be good . (SOUND : DFd.L CLANGS) . .

NEISON : THE'RS ' S THE HELL . . .Tfls MEN ADVANCE TO THE CENTBR OF THE

RIIx3 ATUi START CIRCLINO AROUND EACH OTHER AS THBY --

(SOUND : AS NEL90N IS SAYING THIS, ON HI3IAST WORD

OR 7N0 WE HEAR A BUZZ OF SNART OIRWIT)

JACK : What happened to the p3cture . . :the set Wentoff . . .I wonder

what's vrong with it . . .OH RCCHRSTER . . .ROCHg8T8R.

(SOUND : DOOR OPfiN) ROCH : (COMING IN) YES BOSS .

JACK: I vas vatching television I= all of a su8den ;the set vent oft . ROCR: MAYBE YOU tAADE A SHORT CIRCUIT WHEN YOU DImPPEC IN THE COIN . BB

FiX01~. . 0 029523. JACK: That set ' s in the gpest room . . . . It's prob9bly 1ust a

loose vire . . .You try and fix it, I'm going to get the vrestling matches on radio .

ROCH: YES SIR .

(SOUND : COCPI$ FOOTSTEPS . . . CLICK)

JACK : Gee, I don't even know vhet,is~n St's on on 1 A/R. . .

Let's see . . (SOUND: STATIC WtIISTLFS)

ELVIA : PLEASE DCN'T LFAVEME, JOE, PLEASE, PLEA9E . . .I'VE BEdH A

GOOD t1IFE TO YOU AIIPFe7GGH I'LL ADhSP THAT'I'VE NAGGED A

LiTTLE, NEVER HAI) YWR DINNER READY NtII+li YOU CAME 76k1B AT

NIGHP, NEVER MAI$ THR HEDS IN THE MORNING, AND IBT TH6 FDRNITCRE STAY IASTY -- (SOSRiD : STATIC HHISTLES)

JACK : That's not it • . . that's a soap opera . . . . Maybe it's around here .

(SOUND : STATIC HHISTLFS . . .CH M OFCRGF'D)

JACK : Thet ' s it, that ' s it .

NfEL: (FdCCITED) AND DDSTYR}ADF3 HAS JUST HIT AIpMG RUN INTO

THE RIGHP FIELD STA R S AND TBE GIANTS D$FBAT CLEVEAND IN TIC FIRST GAME OF THR NORLD SFRIE4 .

HERB : THIS PROGRAN WAS TRANSCRISED FJIRLIER FOR RELEASE AT THIS

MORE CONVENIFNf TIME . JACK : Oh, for heavens sakes . Where are those vrestling matches . (SOUND : STATIC WHL4TLFS)

CB

ATX09 0020524 -26-

(PIAHO IlPTRO)

SARA : (SINaS) WE PL4YBD T'HE GAME OF STAY AWAY

BUT IT COST MORE THAW I CCULD PAY

WITH70T YOU I CAN'T FIND MY WAY I SURRRRtDF~t, DFAR . JACK: Boy, would she stump the experts on What's My Line . (SOUND: STATIC SOJJEAIS)

JACK : Rochester, how are you coming along with the television

set? I can't get the program on radio . -

ROCH : WSLL, I'VE LOOKED ALL OVER THE SII' . . .I CAN!T SEE ANYTHCN(i WRONO .

JACK : . But it just vent off suddenly . . . Say, maybe the wire has

been kicked loose where it's plugged in . .

ROCH: YOU WANT ME TO GO OVER TO THE COLMlsN!S [UD$8 AND SEE? JACK : Look, never mind the jokes . . . j ust see if yqu can fix the

set . . . . I'11 try the radio egain . . , (SOUND : STATIC S6?JEAIS)

ELVIA : AND SOMEPIP E3 I FOFD}EP TO SAd BUTTCNS ON YOUR SHIfYi', AND

LEAVE A SIMQ''UL OF DIRTY DISHES, SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON

CIATI ES, NE6LECf THE CHILDREN, BURN YOUR TOAST IN THS MORNING . . . . . JACK: }5mas.

. . (SOUND : SVE4L AND WHISTLffi)

JACK : Maybe it's lower on-the d1a1"~'.~

: SQ,UFARS AND WHISTL25) JENNY . (SOUND .., l.a....x,..~ s.Jc ~ : AND NOW., FELLOW MQASBt3 OF THE L4DII5 AUXIIJARY, PAIS MY PLEASURE TO PRE4PTlT CUR OUPST OF HONOR . ~ (APPIAUS&) CB

19 rxoi 002052 5 -17- k : IADIES IT'8 A PhBASURE TO BE WITH YOU TODNC . .AND AS A

MFSiBER OF THE LOCALCHAMBFR OF COMMERCE, IP EEi. IT'S MY

DUPY TO DEFEND OUR PAIR COMMCfIITY AGAINST T}WE

DISPARAGING RffidARP.B ABOUT THE SMOG CONDITIONS IN THE LOS

ANGELu4 AREA . TH6Y SAY THAT SMOG IS A M ENACE, BUT I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I WAS BORN IN THISCOMMUNITY AND RM1VE LIVID H6RE FOR THiRTY-SI7 YFAHS . (STARTING WITI: THE NEXT

SIIffINCE MEL STARTS TO SNIFFIE AND SNUFFl.E , WORKING IFTO

COCOH9 AND CILIffiNO AS HE GOES AIANG TILL Hg 15 WfffiINO

AND CHOKING TO DEATH) I'LL ADMIT WE DO AAYE A VERY MINOR PROBI EM , BUT TREY .

WOUID HAVE YOU BELIEVE THAT T R RE HANGS OV$R THE CITY A

THICK, SHRCUD-ISKE PALL CF FOMF3 WHICH TAINT THE

ATMOSP}g;RE, AND RESTRICT VISIBI'LTTY . NOW THIS 73 A

RIDICULOUS UMTRUTH lfHICH I DENY BECAUSE EV$[tY DAY I --- I --- (at this point, he has a long spasm anQafter choking to death yells)

JACK : Gee,. I got everything but what I want tolieten to .WKw_c r.,.c. (SOUND : STATIC & WHI3TLffi) 1l' -~0u"""1 (PIANO INTRO) SARA : (SLT]GS) I MAY SENM PROUD ' I MAY ACT GAY

IT'S JUST A POSE, I'M NOT THAT WAY 41-. A . ,_/ < ~ (SOUND : STATIC WHISTIM) v L~---1--4,^-^L- ~

JACK : MWIF l r the, smog d oc sn't hurt at all . (SOUND : $TATIC WHISTL*34)

CB

HTH01 0020526 -18-

RYAN : (SHAKF.SPEARIAN ACTOR) (DRAMATICALLY) FRIENDS, ROMANS, CGUNTftYMENh LE3'7D ME YOUR THE EVIL TINT MFN DO LIVEi AFTER THQA . THE GOOD IS ~4 INT:d2RED WITH THEIR BONES . SO LEP TT BE WITH CAESAR .

H6RB : THANK YOU, MARC ANTHONY . JACK : What? HERB : THIS N&WS PROGRAM WAS TRANSCRIBED Fsar .rsa FOR RELFASE AT THIS MORE CONVENIENT TIME . r JACK : U4f( , This I don't understand at all . .

IffiRB : WE'LL BURY CAESAR IN JUST A MINCTE, BUT FIRST A WORD FROM

OUR SPONSOR .

JACK : 4% Tor heaven's sekes . . .Rochester, can't you get that

television aet fixed?

ROCH : I'M FIXING m' . I'M Frxrnt . rT, ~ JACK : What's wrong with,this radio set7~ :.~nr~ ~=- w.,.xakC:,~ i:.,, . /i . (SOUNID : STATIC & Wfff3TLES) `CL

ELVIA : SOMEPIMF4. I'D STAY OUT TO(SJIATE AT N7PHP,nAND IJAUdAYS

HAVE ACC H~ENTS~LE DRIVING YOUR CAR, AND I LOSE THE RENT ~-Ix.~h : (S.h, c~..n ._ MONEY PLA)CING ,,CANASTA AND, I'LL ADMST THAT I'VE LET MYSELF

BECOME MkTft iA SLOPPY, BUT YOU'R3 NOT GOING TO LEAVE ME, ARE YOU, JOE? HEARN : YES .

(SOUND : DOOR SLAMS)

JACK : ~_'Joe had a big part . . .YihY can't I get the wrestling matches .

(SOUND : STATIC & WHISTLES)

NELSON : 0000000000C0H, HAS THIS BEFN EXCITING . CB

9 RT 01 0020527 1 -19-

JACK: I've got it, I've got it . NELSON : YES, THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST EXCITING WRE4TLING MATCH WE'VE HVNR SEFN . . .YOU'VE JUST HEARD A STATEM6MP FRCM TH6 WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NOW C,QMING UP TO OUR MICROP%INE FOR AN IIITEHVIEH IS THE LOSER .9.~AuYµOU IIJ.ST THE MATCH WHEN THE REFEREE GAVE YOU THE SUBMISSION SIGNAL . . .NCW CAN YOU TELL US WHY YOU GAVE UP? (PIANO INTRO)

SARA : (SINGS) HE BROKE MY ARM

TORE OUT MY HAIR

AND IT WAS MORE

THAN I COULD BEAR

WHEN HE STOMPLr),Mi NEOK, I HAD TO SAY . . I SURRSNDFII2 DEAR . JACK: Well, this is the oreziest thing I~er heard . . .I'm going to a movie . :~

(APPLAUSE & PLAYOFF)

CB

1 5 Rrxo oo2o 2e 1 •/ BROTIERBOOD WEHC ALipCATION -20-

JACK : Ladies and gentleamn,this is Brotherhood Week sprnsored by the National Conference of Christians end Teva, seven days set aside to remind us of our responsibility to our neighbors evexv veek of the year! It's a reminder that this country wes built by people of every race, every creed end every color . That mixture has been our strength . Let's keep America strong by living Brotherhood -- let's keep it "One Nation, Under Cod ." Thank you .

(APPLAUSE)

DON : Jack vill be back in just a minute, friends, but first,

I'd like to say something important to you olgarette smokers .

CB

AT}!01 0020529 I THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY LUCKY STRIAE Opening : 1 .36 Closing : 1 .32 THE JACK BFa7NY PROGRAM FEBRUARY 27, 1955 Tota1 ; 3 .08 CIDSING CObA'lHSlCIAL

WILSON : Jack will be back in just a minute, but right now, here's a suggestion for you .

LIGHT UP TIME ' JINGLE !{1 - .21 sec .

(SOUND : TIC TOO - 6 BEATS) GROUP : Light up a Lucky

SOLO : It's Light UP Time GROUP : Be Heppy Go 7lacky

SOLO : It's Light Up Time ~ For the taste that you like ~ j Light Up a Lucky Strike

GROUP : Relax! (HUM GLISS)

SOIA & GROUP : It's Light Up Time WILSON : That's a grand idea for a pleasant Sunday evening at home -- or any time at all when you vrant to enjoy a really great cigarette -- just lean back and light up a Lucky . Because every Lucky you light is sure to give you better taste . And here's why : First, Luckies are made of fine tobacco . Lucky Strike means fine tobacco . Light, mild, naturally good-tastine

tobacco . And then, that tobacco is toasted . "IT'S TOASTED" is the famous Lucky Strike process that

tones up Luckiest fine tobacco, brings it to its peak

of flavor, makes it taste even better . C7eaner,

fresher, smoother . Result : Lucky Strike, the best

tasting cigarette you ever smoked!

CB (MORE)

R7H0 .1 0020530 I THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY UJCKY STRIKE THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM FEBRUARY 27 , 1955 CLOSING COMMFRCIAL CONP'D WILSON : so right now, friends, or anytime at all when it's (CONT'D) light-up time for you -- Be Heppy - L}o_ uo I Make

your cigarette - better tasting Lucky Strike!

GAT UP TIME ~GLE - wO .13 seo . (SHORP CIASS)

SOIU @~GROUP : For the taste thq ou like ~ Light upoky/ Strike

GROUP : \ t Nowl

GISSS)

3 Ligh up a Lucky SPOKIN) i SOIA & GROUP : It's Light P T1me

OB

8 TH01 0020531 THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY LUCISY STRIKE F'~EBRUnCRx 2955~~M CIOSING COFATRCIAL (CONP'B) (OPTIONAL) LIGHT UP TIMg JINGLE - #2 .20 sec .

GROUP : Light up a Lucky

3010 : It's Light UP Time

GROUP : Be Happy Go Lucky S0L0 : It's Light UP Time For the taste that you like

Light up a Lucky Strike

GROUP : Right Noq! (HUMS GLISS) T0 : Light up e Lucky POREN) SOIO & GROUP : It's Light Up Time

CB

flTX01 0020532 (TAG) (TAG FOR FHB . 27 SHG'd) '21'

RCCH: GUR , BOSS, IT'S A S}NME THE WRESTLING MATCHES WF7iE OVER

BiFCRE I CGULD GET THS TIILEIrLSICN SL•T FP® . JACK: Yeah . . . Well, gosh, it's too early to go to bed- . . . I knox vhat I'll do . There's an all night superymarket down on the corner and I'11 go down there now and buy ourThanksgiving turkey .

RCCH : THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, BCSS . FE2B : This program was transcribed earlier for release at this more convenient time . JACK: .,~-(-,Yeeh yeah . . . . . gocdnight, folks . (APPL4(U/SE & MUSIC)

DGN : The Jack Benny Shovr tonight aas xritten by Ssm Perrin,

Milt Josefsberg, George Balzer, John Tackaberry, Hal

Goldman, Al Gordon, and produced end transcribed by

Hilliard Marks .

DY

R rxo 1 oo2o 533 1 FIERBERT TAB...F'YTON - 22 - t R 302F

Filter smokers! Here's thetrue tobacco taste you've

been looking for . Filter Tip TAREYTON gives you all the

full, rich flavor of TARf .'YTON'g famous quality tobacco . . .

and real filtration, too! Filter Tip TAREYTON

incorporates Activated Charcoal, renowned for its

unusual powers of selective filtration and used far and

wide to purify the air ve breathe, the water and

beverages we drink . Look for the red, white and blue

stripes on the package . They identify Filter Tip

^:.4REYTON, the best in filtered smoking .

The Jeck Benny Program was brought to you by the

:=erlcan Tobacco Company . . . America's leading

menufacturers of cigarettes .

D1

prxo 1 oo2o 534 r•F-SO[ oo 60H .IN . R, N. 16 v j'/24 SCRIPT

A MERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY IIJCKY STRISE /.///~~~~ ~

T_HE JACK B,RNNY PROGRAM •~~ '~+~--•-^~-~`'~ ,,z- " SNffiX+Y MARCH 6, 1955 CBS 4 :00 - 4 :30 PM PST ranscr - ~ . . `',I'95u )

CAST : JACK BENNY MARY LIVILG'iSTONE ROCRESTER IENNIS INY

TON WILSON SPORTSMEN QUARTBT

MAHIAN MgtRICK

MEL BLANC

JUNR' EARLE

NILL WRIGHT HY AVERBACK

GUEST : DANNY KAYS

SV

801 Ar 00 2 05 3 6 I THC AXII2ICAN TOBACCO COh1PANY LUCKY STRIKn Opening : .59 Closing : 1,54 THG JAQK BENNY PROGRAM MARCH 6, 1955 Total : 2 .53 OPENING COMMII;CIAL

WILSON : THg JACK RENNY PROGRAM . . . transcribed and presented by Iucky Strike the cigarette that

tastes better :

LIGHT UP TL'4E JI M LL. - -§ 1 .21 sec, (SOUND : T1C TOC - 6 BEATS) GROUP

: Light up a Lucky

90L0 : It's Light Up Time GROUP : Be Happy Go Uacky

SO IA : It t s Light Up Time Lbr the taste that you like

Light up a Iucky Strike

GROUP

: Relaxt (HUM GLISS)

SGIA & GROU? : It - s Light Up Time .

WILSON : This is Don Ytileon, friends, ar3 you knov, the right

time for a Lucky Is anytime you feel like en j oying a really great cigarette . The right place? Well,

that ' s any place you happen to be at the time . It ' e true, you can depend on a Lucky to give you better

taste evervtime it ' s light-up time . That's because of the truly fine tobacco that goes into every

Iucky Strike cigarette . I6/tgT -- Lucky Strike

means fine tobacco . ., tobacco that ' s light and mild and good-tasting . An9 then that fine tobacco

is toasted . Yes, before that naturally good-tasting

tobacco is made into Lucky Strike cigarettes, IT ' S

RT TOASTED to taste even better . (NqRB)

A T Y!O 1 10020537 TFE AtRItICAN `lOBACCO COBIPAST! LUCKY STRIKC THG JACK SDNNY PROGRAM MARCH 6, 195 5 OPDNING CO144IIACIAL (CONT'D )

UIISON : Cleanor, ^•eshei!, smoother4 So, vhen You buy your (CONT'D) next pack or carton of cigarettes, reqte)ryber : Luckies taste better . . . and Be Happy +.,Co Iucky i

~NG .UP3TIDfG13 sec . (SHCRT CIt35D

OPTIONAL LI(HIT UP TL[M .TINGLR #2 - .20 sec .

GROUP : Light up a lucky

SOIA : It's Light ;p Time

($tOUP : Be HanpY Gc Dack

: It' s Llpkit 'ip Timy SOLO e

,or the tas :e that you like

Light up a :ucky Strike

GROUP : Right Now t (fNT1 GISSS)

IA : Light up a =ucky SPOI~N) 3010 & GROUP : It's Light Lp Time . RT

ATX01. 0020538 _I_

(FIRST ROUTINE) (MENPION T.V . SHOW) (AS7ERCOMMENCIAL, MUSIC UP AND DOWN) DGN : THS IUCKY STRIKE PROGRAM, 3'PARRIN'a JACK'BBNNY :~'WITH MARY LIVINGSTONE, .ROCHESTER, LENNIS DAY,$OB CROSBY, AND "YOIJRS TRCLY" DON WILSON. (APPLAUSE . .MJSIC UP AND DDWN)

LON : LADIES AND G5NPL5MEN, TONIGHT JACKMOM DOgS

ANOTHER TFIEVISION SHOW . . BUT MEANNHILSSdST'S GO

BACK TO YESTEtDAY'S RADIO REHEARSAL HF:PE~AT CBS . AS

WE LOOK IN ON THB REU';~ARSAL STUDIO, JACK .HASN'T

ARRIVED YET, AND TELG PROLUCER, HILLIARD A1ARK3, IS

LISTENIHG TO THE ORCHESTRA .

ORCH: ,-~~DOES AJCOUPLL' BARS OF ANY LOUD TUNE) HY: ~ ~. Hol\d-.-1Pt, :Ma.L~hlon, hold MAffi .ON: All right fellshs, cut,~--t, c-•---~ ~

(ORCH@STRA STOPS) _ RLON: Anything wrong, ~ Hillierd? '~ Yeah Mshlon. .that's the third time you'Ye go \ through that niunber and I still think aolreo should be leying tenor sax .

MAHIIJN: So do I,but we can't work Bridwe)LY outof his streightjecket.'- HY: Nell, he should heve th, ht of that before he went over the well . . .w e character. MAHIAN : ldell, it's you eult that Bridwell!s in that straight,j t . BY : i Look, only accused him of steeling my ..etop~ch o iming insanity was his own idea . . .Now Mehlon, L~1 tbe boys to bs quirL -I!m_gnnna heve y1~i oast xged \ I through the sorlpt4. .(UP) COME ON EVERYONg . .MARY, DON, IBNNIS. .GBT YOUR SCRIPTS .

RiXO7-0020534 - _p_

V](iRY : I got mine . DON:~ Ne, too .

I I7ENNIS: He om, seen my sor U+'~ HY : Md you have nam3 on it?

LENNIS: No, you can ' t mis s-t-,-it ' s shaped iike a paper at .

HY:/ Well, take another script . .now pay at tBpFfion everyone, let's have a good reading . LENNIS: Boy, is this a waste of tims . HY: ~ What do you msan? lENNIS :`W,What's the sense of reheersing the script now . .the most important person isnltA~ :-

NAHYL,~ --~rDennis is right . . tkift sort of silly to go ahead without Jack . IENNIS: ~ I was talking abou•.ttm sound man. . •~-~...~ eci~. DON: Now wait o minute, IBnnis .A You shouldb't say that .

Jack is the most importent person on tl7e show . HeIs

the star end be's very talented .

ltdr?7IS: Oh yesh, teke Now cut thet out" ewey from him a what have you got .

DON: Well there I s . .well uh --

IENNIS: Go on,what-have you got? WeII

DCN: . . .I don!t~knowr..t`` s --

IEMiIS: No faii~ countin "HMI+49." DON: I mey be old feshiored but I donlt tbiuk itIs right for any of us to talk in this disreopectful ~On about our boss . . --- (SOUN.D: CHAIR SCRAPIN3) SV

arxa I oo2 o 54 o -3-

MARY : IBnnls, why'd you move over next to me .

I7ENNI8: I don't went to have anything to do with that big fet yes man.

AY: Easy kids, easy . . .I wonder what's keeping Jeck . . .it's

not like him to be late for rehearsal

: Oh, he'll show up in a minute . .And fellehs,. MARY weit'll you see him . . .Oh Brother

: Why, what's the metter, Mery?: DON MARY: Well, Werner Brothers called him up and told him they went to make a big feature picture celled '^The Life . of Jack Benny." HY : & LEN : TRE LIFE OF JACK BENNy? . MARY : Yeah . .And you know, fellahs, since Jack #'ound out about it, he

' s absolutely unbearable . .I . pever sew

such conceit in all my life : Well, with all-his talent, :. DON .e's got a right to ......

C (SOUN17 : UDOR OPENS) ..

DON : Oh, here he comes now : (V"RY RITZY) We1l. . .He11o. JACK 3verybody . . .He11o Donald . DON: Hello, Jack . JACK : Hello, Iennis, sry .led : Eello . . I&+NNIB JACK: Mahlon. MAHLON: Hello : How do you. JACK do, Miss Llvings :one : Take off that monocle . . MARY JACK : That's not a monocle . .I broke my bifocels and

managed to save obe "oca1 . . .3ere Donald, take my gloves end cana . . .Thenk-](Yew . . .There .

°uV

prxpa . ,ooaosa 1 -4-

D&NNIS : Gloves end cane . .oh boy, are you snooty!

MARY : Dennis, the lg oves are snooty . .the cene is neceeserv .

JACK: Go ahead, go ahead, have your little fun, .but you ' 11

~~~~ all apologize when you know whet ' s heppetied to ae . DENNI9 : ILK, We know, we know . &~ DCN: Yes, Jack, Nary told usAIM Warner BrDthers weas ,/ going to meke a picture about your life .~

JACK: Yes air, the sem3 studio that mede the .life of T3mile

Zole, the life of Louis Pasteur, the life of Mark

Twain. .and now . .the life of Jack Benny. , NFARE - TWO TRUMPETS)

JACK: T~THAT OUT!

l DENNIS: You see, 17on, you-age~.that s a il JACK: Whet? DGN: Nothing, Dot-hfng . Say Jack, have th

how they ' re gonna go about presA n'Ving your 117e, .1 JACK: ~/Well naturally,it~ll be episodicF They're gonne trace my entire career and Snclude everyone that S played a part in it . From the shopkeeperwho so - my~first-viplin end the kindly old .vaudeviilian who ' gave me the idee of.teRii:g--Jokes on a ptege . .down i - t through `those whose advice and ancouYag nea~ t heve Jaspt me before the publi c Lb S: ~~, I hope they change the nartes to protect the innocent . JA . v~, Youlre" just jealous,-~6, .-,~ ,

DENNIS : Why should I be jeelous? Somedey ti y~ m4~ ~,r"

life story.

JACK: They already did . .it wes called "Idiot t s Iklight" . . .

&ft2be=q2t*t .

SV

Arrso 1 oo 2 o 542 MA Jack, I still don't get it . JACK• ou don't t wheton. Mehl / MAHLCN: We1T;,I've seen lots of ttiese ibgraphicel films ., end therels.alvevs some so Son . excitement . .adventure . \ JACR: Ara you kiddlns~~ en tMhlon, you meq not believe this, but ife he en one edventuTe after

onot it started when I n ewsy from home to face

the world ell by myself .

How old were you? ~. Thirty-two . JACK: ~ I was twentv-two . . .I remember because I didn't nt I to leeve until I finished high school . . .(Thirty-two) . _We11, kids, I4ff have to leave you now . .Rochester is veiting in the car to take me to tlerner Brothers .

RY: 41sit a minute, Jeck, we haven't rehearsed the script for tomorrow .

JACK: Well. .you can manage without m3 . DCN: Oh nQx'we need you he ~ .ve can't get along without ~~ you .

JACR: lyt., That's silly . Jeck, you're the one that keeps us on the right

g and yourfeel for pa ^^4H out ur ui(~d'@nce

comedy we'd be j stR .ve w•ouldn't knop which way to turn.

JACK: Well, Don, it's nice of you to sr7 that . nCN: Whet else do you expect from a big fst yes men . JACK: Hmm . . .well, if you'll all excuse me, I can't keep

them waiting at Warner Brothers . . . .CCmson Mary, I went you to go with ms : Ckay . . MARY

flT 901 0020543 _6_

CCG '---"-, l DON : ~ Jack, before you go, von't you-Nsiaint~- listen to the Sportsmsn.

JACK: Oh,4& they have a number prepared? ~ DONa Ye4,they're going to do a novel version of,Alexander's

Ragtlro3 Band JACK : . Well, you go ehead end reheerse it, Ibn . . .X've got to leave . . Coma on, Mery . oac But Jack, don't you,think you ought to heapthe~berr

JACK: k, ibn, I'd like to stay for the whole ~ arsel . But

this pic is very in@ort ant to ~ life story . . you know I've ne left ybefore the middla'.ofe reheareel . .end believ , I~d t feel rightf'„doing it, but

how msny t doee an acto r get- U opportunity like -- I \ IENNIS : Oo ady. JACK: FDmn. . If I didn't need this cane I'd breek it ove e heed . . Cone on, Mery .

(SOUND: LOOR SLAM)

DON : All right, boys, teke it . (COMMG.RCIAL) (APPLP.USE)

prx 01 , ;9 0 20 544 -A-

QUART : COME ON AND HG4R COI4B ON AND HEAR AI8'XANLER' S RAGPIME B4ND

COME ON AND HCAR, COME ON AND HFAR

IT'S THE BSST &+ND IN THE IAND

THEY CAN PIAY A BUGLL+ CALL

LIKE YOU NEVER

HE4PUBEFORB THAT'S JUST THE ffitSTEST BAND WHAT AM

HONEY IAMB

COME ON ALONG, COME .ON AIJJNG .

IE'i ME TATLE YOU BY Tf E HAND .

UP TO THE MAN, UP TO THE MAN . . WHO'S THE IL0.UER OF THE BAND AND IF YOU WANT TO HFhR

THE SWANFE R1VER PLAYED IN RACfl'It4E . COME ON AND HEAR, COME ON AND HEAR

ALEI(ANIER'S RAG TIME BAND

COME ON AND HEAR, COME ON AND HEAR 'BOUP A SMOISE T'HAT'S REALLY GRAND COME ON AND

BEAR, COME ON AND BEAR

IT'S THE BEST BRAND IN TRE IAND SeTPGR TASTING LUCKY STRIKE IS THE SMOKE 79PT YOU RL LIIE JUST TANE A PUFF YOU'IJ, ENJOY 'EM SURE BNOI;GH• THAT'S JUST THE BESTEST BRAND WHAT AM .

HONEY LAMB (MORE)

flTTS01 0020545 1 -AI-

V NT : C014E ON AIANG, COME ON AIAPT,. ONT'D) JOIN THE MILLIONS NNOAGREE ON LUCICY STRIK6, IT'S LUCKY STRIISE GIVE ME L4MFT

AND Tf E RE I S A REASON T1II1i"NE SO PLFAS IN ' AS YOU KNOW TfEY'RE TOASTED

CO ME ON AIpNG, AND JOIN TNG T3Q20NG

PLFF A LUOhY STRII E WITH M . (APPIAUSE)

Rrxo l 00 2 054 e 1 -7-

(SECOND ROUTIDE) (SOUND : AUTO MOTOR AND HORN)

JACK: Take it easy, Rochester . . .Wetch where you'fe going . MARY: Oh Jack, don't be so nervous . .

JACK: I'm not nervous . ROCH: YOU MJSf BE, BOSS . . .YOU'RE TSId,IN' ME TO TAKB IT EASY AND Y0U'RE IYiIVIN' . . . JACK: 3lhet? . . .Wait e minute, Rochester . . .k.Rxn westarted out you were driving . . .What happened?

ROCH: REMg6IDER THAT BIG BUMP WE HIT BACK THr'33E? JACK: Yes

: WELL,. ROCH WHEN THE P80PLE PUT US BACK IN THE CAR, THEY POT US IH WROtU . ~~,~ S-(. - . . JACK:4C.--Oh . . .Oh. . .Oh. . .^ well, you take the wheel,now . (SOUND: b%1TOR UP) JACK : And hurry up, I went to get to the studio . . .Sey Mary, I just thought of eomething . .If they're goiTig to make the story of my life, I shouldn't only be eoting in it, I should direct it : Jack -- JACK . N'ARY : And not only that . . .Hho knows my life better than I do . . . I should write it too .

MARY : 'dell, ~i,f,f you do a.11 that, you might as well produce it . JACK: Yeeh, .'RI cen see it now . . . Pne Life of Jeck Benny; . .

starring Jack Benny, directed by Jack Benny, written by

Jack Benny and produced by Jack Benny.

__ m= "~g ffR&~ F- ~ TH

prxoi 0020547 ~R0 BREAK THE MON_~ JACK: Oh. Z d ow. . . thing wrong with the billing

6ee! the Life of Jack Benqy, _s ar k Benny, directa d by Jeck Ben and r d b a nn . MARY: (LAUGHS) JACK: What are you leughirig at? .

MARY : I'll lend you my girdle aEG you can be your.own leadi ng `~ledy.

JACK: '4k} thet 4ff be going too fer . .Gee, I wonder iC We Brothers notified the prass that I'm doinge pVUretti 'em.

ROCH: M1&1ST HAVg . . .IT WAS IN THIS 6URN2 3 PAPSR.

JACK: Ree11 who ran the atory, Jim Sterr? ROCH : UH IIH . JACK:Louelle Parsons?

ROCH : NO, BUT IT WAS RfeFiT BEIAl4-W COIAbQ1 . JACK: Below? ROCH : YSAH, WAS IN "BELIEVE IT OR NOT" . JACK: t? ROCH : THEY GAVE IT MORE 8PACF THAN THE CAT ' .JITH T'HIt1iF %: Oh, stop meking things up .

MARY : Jeck, there's the Werner Brothers' lot .

JACK: Oh yes . . .Rocbester turn up that driveway .,

ROCH: YES SIR . (30UHD: CAR MOTOR UP FOR A FEN 3EC,bNLB)

TB

O r 8 o 1 oo 2 o 54 e 1W - -9-

JACK : Gee, the lot Ss pretty fu11 . . .Oh, here'e a space right Sn the middle. .park here, Rochester . ROCH : OKAY

(SOUND : CAR PUIJ.II((t TO S'TOP. . .AS FN(iIN6 D1E5, THFAE I S A HAII, OF GUN SHOTS, . .ABOUT EIGHT OR TEN) MARY : Say, that sounded like gunshots . JACK: Yeah . . .they must be making a -- (SOUPID : ONE 6UNSHOT) JACK: Covxy picture .

ROCH: YM~L, SON O DY BEPPEE '1'EId, I EM THIS AIM'T TIM STAGECOACH,

O1t IqST ONE WEN1' THRU THg RADIATOR . JACK: Say, you :re right . . .It :s that parking attendent over

there -- HEY MISTER, WHAT'S THE BIG II1F R OF SHOOTING AT US .

MEL: You took the Space reserved for Mr. Jack Waifier.

JACK: 0h.* yes . . .he always was touchy about that, . .8ut look,

fellah, I'm Jack Benny and I've got an appolntment with -

MEL : Jack Bennyl , .

JACK: Yes . MEL : The or.e that starred Sn "The Horn B .ows at M].dnight" . JACK : That's right, I did that for WarnerlA fifteen years ago . . . did you see it? MEL: See it, I directed it .

JACK :Weil, of course, Hennan . . .I didn't recognize you . . you've c^tten thin .

MEL : Yeah, yeah, thin . , ' C.t,.. L JACK : . . But Hestan . . .I dwsDk understand it. You were doing so well . .

~ how come they've got you out here on the pavidnglot?

TB

f)T 1lO 1 0020549 MEL: How come . . .(BUIIDINO TO A RAVE) A11 my life, I .wanted to be a dlrector . . .Sbr years I etudied and etar0ed, trying to learn the profession, . .every little job they put me on I - Q did with perfection . .rAnd finally they notloed me, .\ .~, .lns~ . 1 1 nA beoame an asslstsnt di c3 :oir was on my ilAy up . .`.d*-~-''"•

suddenly I was a dlrector . . .bV thing I did was right . . .

I was turning out hit after hit . . .I had mons4y, respect, I

' even von an Oscar, and Yta: YOU came along .,. .YOU AND THAT r IDUSY HORN 3IAH5 AT MIDNIGHT . . . -

JACKWTAke St easy . . .

MEL: (BYSTERIOALLY) WHY, WHY DIU YOU HAVS TO COt~ INTO MY

LIFE . . .I U M) TO DIRECT PICTURES, NOW I'M-DIRSCfING . . . TRAFFIC . . . JACK : Herman, put down that gun . MEL: WHAT DO YOU CARE, I'M POINTF$ IT AT MYSEIF((OOES OFF /~ 50 ING WIIDLY) G .- JACK: ~4,lYee . . .he's a complete wreck . . .I feel sort 6("responslble . . . ~,Rochester .,

ROCH : YES, BOSS : Let Herman. JACK :ark the car and give him a dimetlp . . .0ome on,

Mary. . .2 don't want to keep Mr . Warner waiting .

MUSIC : (BRIEF TRiANSITION INTO)

(SOU;m : FOOTSTEPS IN CORRIDOR)

JACK : Here's Jack Warner's office, let's go in, . WAP (SOUD : DOOR OPENS)

JUNG : Yes? JACK : I have an apFointment with Mr . Warner . I'm Jack Benny . l TB

RTYf01, 0020550 (

JUNE : Well, he's in conference, would you mind vaiting . JACK: Not at a11 . . .Come on Mary, let's sit down pvQr here . . . (HUMS nYOU OU3HT 7b BE 1N PICTURE3") MARY: Say Jack, look at that fellow sitting on the other side of the room . . .Isn't that Danny Kaye? JACK : Danny Kaye . . .Wnere? MARY : Reading that newspaper . JACK : Oh yeah. . .:qP$ 4e used to be such a nice kid . MARY : Used to be . . .What did he ever do to you? JACK : What did he do to me? . . .Did you see him in _~~~ -L . _ .: . ,"~'.nook o Wo~l"{, ~nd '4~ihite Chriatmas"? ~ rt~--L ~ MOY : Ye, and he vas 9Sn all of them . .sWhat about St? JACK : What about it? Who has three hits all inone yeae . What's he trying to do,shov up Humphrey PogaYrt aA and the reat of us? ,-----

JACK : Cet tTie-w ay-ha.sits_ Lhe~r-e-~~ea_dinq ~hat nexspaparl . . .that I ncneh~lent manner .. .and look at`-che.- ression on his ~ece . . .loaded xlth oonfidence .

LMARY : You know, Jack, I can ' t understand 1t . . . Ev ery time somebody makes a little progress, you get sore at em . JACIC: I do not

: You do too. - MARY . . .when Lassie got her own television show you were so mad you bit her .

7B

RT4f01 -002055 1 1 -12-

JACK : I bit her, I bit her . . . I snarled at her ono4 and you

make a big thing out of it . . . Anyway, this 19 different . . .

I practically gave Danny Kaye his start . . .Why, I remember

the day he oame to me for advice-M I was f0o1 enough to

MARY: VWw#t Jack, Danny sees you and het s coming over .

JACK: Oh well, I'll just have to hide my feelinge . . .(IiUMO Otd+.

STRAIN OF IAVE IN BIAOM) KAYE : Hello, Jack. Hello, blaxy .

MARY & JACK : Hello, Danny . (APPLAU3E)

KAYE : How are you, Jack?

JAOK: I'm fi~n-e, fine . . .Hoale your mother, Danny?-KAYB

: '#6EB Fine .

JACK:Tr And your father?

KAyE : k" ,He ' s fine too . .

JACK : Well, the next time you see them, tell !an they certainly

have a louse for a son

: Jacki. MARY -

JACK : WelLl4 - - I(AyE ; 3WS; vhat's the matter, what happened? . . . .I thought we

were friends ; JACK : Friends . . a lot you Imow about friendship . . .I heard about that rw~or you're spreading around that you ;re the greatest comedian in pictures . , KAyL : But Jack, I didn't spread that rimior . . .and I'm sorry I'm having such a good year . . JACK' Oh sure, sure

TB

Ar 801 002055 2 KAYE : An3 1f it'll make you feel any better, I'm sorry yM I

ever oame to Hollywood,

JACK: I'll bet. I suppose they had to twist your axm to do

~ "Knock On Wood" aM "Nhite

KAYE : Well, I'm sorry they were a success and that I was funny

in +em .

JACK : ---nIIIG SORRY DOESN'T HELP . . .YOU MADE T8-S--PiR-GTUI2ES, YOU k'ffi~

aIT, AND THE DM7AGE :IS DOTig ...... -i3 too late to

apcleglze .

MARY : 011 Danny, donIt pay any atteny1on to him . KAYE : ?3ary, what's the matter with .1OW MAAY: He's jealous of anyone that's a big success, KA4E : Gosh Jack, I wouldn't hurt you for the wo~dh. .I know how you love show business . . .I wouldn't do anything to take the bread and sargerine out of your mouth . JACK : Go ahead, go ahead, keep talking . . .I know what you're th:nking : ?7c Jack, you've. KAYE got me all wrong . . .I've always been your

far, . . .Yhg I've followed your career for years . JACK : '!cu've followed 4y, . . .Rea11y4 . . . . . We111 KAYE : Sure, Jack, and I could never hope to become as popular

as you used to be .

JACK : USED TO BE? ISAYE : .(EX'CITED APID FAST) I ND~AR USED TO WAS ., .I, ~MEAN (DANNY ' ~ MIRSS WORDS UP ?1'IIIING WPPf3 - AS YOU ARE .s better . . ) JACKW~-~,That' TB

Rrxo 1 oo 2 o 55 3 -14-

KAYE : Honestly, Jack, you've always been my idol . I think

you ' re the greatest comedian Sn the world. JACK: ...... You do?

KAYE : Yeah, I think you t re swell

JAC%: . . .Well, then I'm eorry I. Oh acted the way I did,Darmy . . .

I . . . I think you ' re pretty swell, too . KAYE :(4M:But you're sweller that I em . . JACK :U No, no Danny `youre the swellest . ~

KAYE : No, Jack, you're the swellest .

JACK : Well ---- idAHY : As soon as the swelling goes down, oan I get a word Sn , . here?

JACK : _ Oh, I ' m sorry, ~sry . . .Denny and I were just oomplimenting

each other . . .lh say Danny . . . You know Jeek Warner sent for me because he :s going to make a pieture of ;my life . . .And

_~~ _~to shor(, you how i uohc~ ly like you, I :m .going to ask ~~^^-~ a cG iha ..,t ~ J J them if they den : ind something for you to do Snmy picture .

KAYE : Oh gee, that'd be wonderful . '. )" D JACK : ,~ 'Now Dann since I ' m going to be in the picture, we won :t

need another comedian, but we' ill need @ musioal n .mber . . _~ Do you have a~ ~;thing like thatjou could do?

,Lhc J-~- .

TD

FlTKOi 9020554 -15-

(TBIRD RCtTfIIvE)

JACK: A . Dan that was great . .I+11 flnd room for that in my

picture if I have to out myself out of one scene .

KAYE : Thanks Jack, Irho , you can fix it .

JUNE : Oh, Mr . Benny, Mr . Warner will see you now .

JACK : Thank you . .Come on Mary . .you too Danny .

(SCII6ID : F&7 FCCTSTEPS ANf) DOOR OPENS) .

JACK : Hello Mr. Warner .

KAYE : Hello Mr . Warner .

MARY : iiello Mr . Warner .

WRIGHT : Hello Jack, hi ya Denny, hello Mary . .slt down . KAYE : Thank you . JACK: Thank you .

MARY : I ' ll go out and get a chair for myself .

JACK : Oh excuse me, Mary . Take my chair . .

WRIGHT : Well Jack, I *t bet you ' re pretty excited now that we're going to make the story of your life . JACK : Yes, I'm quite thrilled . WRIC3Pf : We've got the whole thing laid out, Jack . .We,ptart with

the day you were born, then oomes a scene %Q ya you l re

starting school, your first date with a girl . . Your Creduation . .Your enllstment inhe Na Aren

' t you doing a scene when f made vp first bank {ieyosit2 ~ : .aYS~sE}~$Aea, that was the day IM were born .

SACK : *04~0onlt be so funny . .Anyway, that picturbts going to

be directed by me .

WRIGHT : You . . .you+re going to direct the picture?

JACK : I t m going to write it, too . TB

arx01 00 2 0555 -16-

WRIGHT : Oh. .direct it and ltrite it, eh? . JACK: Yes airl WRIGHT : Who's going to supervise it? JACK: I am . , WRIGHT : Who'e going to prodtioe it? JACK : I am . WAiOHT : Who's going to finance it? . (IANO PAUSE) KAyL : (ON CUE) May I have the next dance with :you, Miss Livingstone? . JACK : Danny, please . WRIGHT : Now look Jack, we've been making pictures'for a long time - and youtre not going to tell us how to rw) our business . JACK : Well -- WRIOAT : Now get this . . We're going to make a plcttllFe called The Life of Jack Benny, and you're not going-to direct it . JACK: I'm not? WEIGHT : No . .Ard you're not going to write it, supervise it or produce it .

JACK : . . .We11 . . . . I guess you're right . . I s::oul: d be satisfied . __.. , ~ just starring in it . . . . . `. . .

m'eickbnt~l

WEIOHT : (SIAWLY) Well Jaok . . . .that's what I wanted to talk to you about .

JACK : ...... Mary ;,~efL~me~ l chair ,. . .What didyou. . want to

talk to me about, Mr. ~,Iarner? WRIGHT : Well, we feel that somebody else ought,~tp.play the part of Jack Bennyf, L,~~'~- ._ JACK : Somebody else ~ .,'ffor hr~aTen'e sake, what's the matter with me?

RTXO90020556 I -17-

WRIUNT : Well, .you've been Jack Benny too long . JACK: What? WNIGNT : We feel that we ought to inject some new blqod . MARSC : New blood, any blood will help : Mary, qgt keep out of this . .Well,. JACK look Mr. Warner, if you

- don't think I'm capable of playing myself In my own picture, who did you have in mlyd? WRICHT : Danny Kaye .

JACK : Danny Kayel .

WAIOfIT : Yes, that ' s why I sent for him .

JACK : You sent SM . . .DANNY . .DANNY, DON'T JUST SSf . F. . SAY

SCME17RNG . KAYE : (DCFS IANG JFTtR NCIIPINE) .

JACK : (ILA'ERRUYtS) Wait a minute, WArP A DSINUPL+, WAIT A

MINCTE . . . . Now Danny-1 W$ 8, you knew about this all the time . KAYB : No I dldn :t, Jaok, really I didn't . . Thie is alla . ..~--~ surprise to me. L JACK: 7magine even thinking of raking the picture of my life

without my being In it .,~ . ~C-(" WNICNT : „ Jack, I didn't say you weren ' t going to be in it . . I have scmething very important fcr you

JACK : . You have? WNIC31P.t;,: Yes . .youl re going to play the part of yourfather .

JACK : k WRIGHT : l Yes .J.Danny Kaye will be your son . . .and I think Mary vill

be excellent In the part of Jack t s childhood sweetheart . KAYE : So do I . JACK: You keep out of this . TB

pr 901 , 0020557 I -18=

KpYE : Yes,' ' (~~"-~ A JACK: Don ' t 21 :d yPu~`t~a~tor, (l.- (i ' ' - Cv~'C .~..,1lN WRIGHT : ~All rightme,,1et boy out 40 thia-a~g . .'Ik,w~ a scene I want you Vto try, Danny . .Itfs where gou oome in and , ask your father for money to buy a violln„You read_the

father's part, Jaok, ~ JACK : Okay,-~ I :ll never knowr^`yy,~ WRIOHT : Stop mumbling, .GO ahead, Danny . . mber, you:re asking your father for money . .and you're Jack Benny at the age of nine, KAYE~. ,~Paps. .(DOES JOMB7PD BABY TAiK) JACK : WA7T A MINVrE .,WREN I WAS NINE YRARS OLD, I COtJID TAIKI h . n l _ . r .m^ •ead itr 1g t WRLj\P : Go e1Shafl, Deuny . .ASk the old me.n again. JACK : Hmm .J

KAYE : 4ft . .(CSEARS .THROAT) (THEN IIi JAPANEBE DIALECR)

Popa, pops, could I have it four dollars for to buying a violin? JpCK

: V aw h a minute Vorw. .What :a the Sdes^oP dqing Japanese?

KAYE : Well, isn ' t Waukegan in Japan? JACK

: No it ' s in I111nois . . .Jeepersl ` f ~ ~ ..w,i.. . WRIOHTi ~Try t again, Dsnnyro 1 oeH S u ' re a little country boy . J

KAYE : Okay . . (AS GOOFY RBBE) Hey psw, paw . .duh .,Can I have _four uh dollars tq buy a violin? . .HUh, Paw, huh4 JACK : ~KNai stop it, ~mtrop.•~3t . .What do you think I Nas when I wae a kid . .a moron? . \ MARY : And besides, he outgrew it ._ JACK : Yes . .haavens to Betsyl TB

pr 8 o 1 2 5 ;oo os e I -19-

WRIGtIT :' A e^nny, you1l~.~~tter try it ea,e city boy.

KAYE : ~'~eity boy? . .~.~(B$OOHI,YN DIAL80T) Hey Pop, Pop,

kin I put de bite on yuz fer four frogekina tub buy a fiddle? . . Corte on Pop, vhatcha say? Whe'tche say?

JACK: NOW COT TAAT OUT . . . LOOK HFRE, MR . WAffiM .,IF THIS IS TNE WAY YOU'RE GOING TO DO THE STORY OF MS LIISE, YOU CAN

` IItOP,T}SB WHOIE TNIN3 . w WRI(BT : ^ ALT~hIGHT, THEN WE WON'T MAKE THE PIC'RR E .

JACK:"-U,NOW IY~'1"S NOT B*S,~NAS17,' _ . .WW1T'S BOTHF,RINJ YOU? WRIGHT : YQU RE' BOTFN:RIN3 ME AND I'M SICK OF IT . .Wg'Rg NOT GOINu TO MARE THE LIFE OF JACK SENHY .

JACK: WELL, THAT'S OKAY WITN ME . .G00LBYE : . . . . Come on Mery, come on Danny .

(SOUND: LOOR SIAMS)

Who does he think be is . .pulling that stuff on m . Well, don't let St bother you, Jack .

JACK: '•.Believe ae, Maxy, it doesn't bother m in t least . If Warnars can't aee what a greet picture life story'll

meke, that's their loss, not mine . re are plenty of other studios . KAYg : Sure, Jack, sure . :one of~ is bound to teke a chence on

90U . ~ JACK: What do you m3ep4hsnce . . Whpt other actor can boest of

a string of its like "Charley l 'Aunt", "To Be Or Not To

Be!", ' uck Benny Rides Again", 93e u Washington Slept

e", "The Horn Blows At Midnight" .

(SOUND: TNRE'E FAST GUNSHOTS) TB

ATX01 0020559 "v/ TNg JACK BFNNY PEiCCRAM "C- g~ /~ga ~6,~1955

DON : Jack wi11 be back in just a minute to tell you about his television show which goes on immdiately after this

prograom over the CBS Network . .,but first herels .a wo :d

for anyone who enjoys a good cigarette .

WILSON : Jack will be back in just a minute to tell you about

his television show which goes on at seven o'clock over

the CBS Network but first here ' s a word for anyone who

enjoys a good cigarette .

RTYS01 , 0020560 ~ ------i ~ TAE AMERICAN TOBAOCO COMPANY- ..J LUCRY STRIISE - TFd; JACK BENNY PROGRAM MAaoH-6, 1955 - CIASIN6 COMMERCIAL

WILSON : Jack will be beck in j ust a minute, friends, but

first let's heer that catc hy Lucky St rike "Light- up Time" tune again . LIGHT UP TIME JINGIS - #1 .21 sec

ND : . TIC TOO . SOD - 6 BEATS) GROUP : Light up a Iuoky SOUJ : It's Light Up Time

GROUP : Be Happy Go Lucky SOLO : It's Light Up Tims For the taste that you like

Light up a Lucky Strike .

GROUP : Relex!

: It's(HUM GLISS) SOLO & GROUP Light Up Time .

WILSON : Yes sir, when it ' s light-up time for yoU, light up

a Lucky, You couldn't make a better choice! Here's

why . Lucky Strike is the cigarette offine, light,

naturally good-tasting tobacco . Lucky Strike meena . fine tobacco . And Lucky Strike is the cigarette that's toasted . Yes, IT'S TOASTED to brfng Luckies naturally good-testing tobacco to its peak of flavor so thet it tastes even better . Cleaner, fresher, smoother . "Fine tobacco" end "It's Toasted" add up to real, deep-down smoking enjoyment for you . . (CONTINUED) RS

Rrx 01 0020561 THE AMERICAN T OBI C CO COMPANY LUCKY STRIl 3 TJE JACK BENNY PROGRAM MARCH 6, 1955 CIL)SING COMMERCIAL (CONf I D) WIL40N : (CONTIN[giD) So Be Happy, go Lucky! Bpy 4 carton

end try 'em out . When you light up, I'11'bet you

find a Lucky is the best-tasting cigarette you ever

;moked!

L OPTLME JING #i .13 sec . (SHORTa SOLO & GROUP~ For the taste ~you like ~ Light p, e'9.ucky Strike . P.Ltht Now:'- _,\ ` ~_(HUM GLISS)

SOLO : Light up a Lucky GROUP : It's Light Up Time

.20 sec .

GROUP ; Light up a Lucky

SOLO : ?~Is Light Up Time

GROUP : Be Heppy Go Lucky

SOLO : It's Light Up Time For the taste that you like

Light up a Lucky Strike

GROUP : Right Nov! (cUM GLISS) SOLO : (SPOIEN) ?'_ght up a Lucky SOIA & OROUP : L:Is Light ilp Time RS

Arxo 11 , oo2o562 ----=- - _ ------~

41- (BSV1sF.D) (TAG) I19flNY : Gee, I t m sorry they ' re not going to do the picture of

your life, Jack .

JACK : Oh, that ' s all right,Danny . After all, I ' m pn radio and

television . As a matter of fact, I do a televlsion show tonight .

DANNY : You do? Gee, I I d like to see that . . You know I I ve never

done any television . JACK: Wel-., Danny . . why don't you walk over to the TV studio witn me .

IYsNNY : Looi, I walked over to your radio show and Wound up doing a free guest shot . From now on you walk alone .

JACK: OW-.y . . Goodnight, Danny . . see you on TV folks . (APPIAVSE & MuSIC) - , DCN : The Jack Benny program tonight was written by Milt . Jcsefsberg, Jchn Taclmberry, Al Gordon, Hal Goldman, and produced and transcribed by Hilliard Marks .

fiTXO1 1 . 0 020563 V/ -2Z-

HERBFStT TARYTON

Ra 301P Filter smokers! True tobacco teste . . .real filtration . .

famous TAREYTON quality . . .tbey're ~Llj yours when you

smoke Filter Tip TARSYTON . Filter TipTAffiiYTON gives you all the full, rich taste of TAR„wYT'pN'S quality

tobacco end real filtration, too, bec8q,se Filter TSp

TAId ;PTON incorporates Activated Charcoal, renowned for its unusual powers of selective filtration . Look for the

.red, white end blue stripes on thegpackege . They idenfify Filter Tip TAEMON, thE best in filtered smoking . .

LON: The Jack Benny program was brought to .,you by the

Americen Tobacco Company . . America's3eeding

menufecturer of cigarettes . .

TB

H i 7fQt ;002 056.F I (JBR9) PROISRAM i,25

AMERICAN TOBACCO C0IAPANY

Lt IC KY STR MI TRE JACR BINNY PROORA4

STMTDI%.Y, 1II=aCR 13, 1955 CBS k :0o - 4:30 PM (TRANSCRIDID - OCT . 11, 1953)

CAST : Jack Denny Mary Livingstone Rochester Dennis Day Bob Crosby Don Wilson The Sportsmen Quartet Will Wright Lois Corbett Mel Blanc

SE

n rx01 00 205 6 5 w THEANERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY 1 .00 1 .24 LUCKX STRIKE Opening: Closing : THE JACK BENNY PROGRPM - MARCH 13, 1955 Total : 2 .2k OPSNING CODRAEROIAL WIIBON : THE JACK BENNY PROGRBM . . . transcribed and presented by Lacky Strike, the cigarette that tastes betterl

LIGHI' UP TLC JICpIdi - #1 .21 sec . SWFID : TIC TOC - 6 BEATS GRWP : Light up a Lucky

SOLO : It's Light Up Time

GROUP : Be Eappy Go Licky

SOLO: ItIs Light Up Time For the taste that you like

. Light up a Luoky Strike

GROUP : Relax; (fNN. "vIZ33) '.

SOLO & GROUP : It- s Light Up Time,

WIISON : This is Don Wilson, frienHs . I ho-ne that the very next time it's light-up time for ycu, .qou'll get the ezjoyment - the real deep down sai enjoyment

that comes with lighting up a Luc ,Because

iuckies taste better . A Lucky tastes better

because it's made of fine tobacco . IS/MF1' - Lucky

Strike means fine tobacco . Fine, mild good-tasting

tobacco . And then that fine tobacoo .is toasted .

That's right - it's toasted . ., to .taste better.

"IT'S TOASTFD" - the famous Lucky Strike process

tones up Luckies naturally mild, good-tasting tobacco to make it taste even better . Cleaner,

fresher, smoother . So Be Happy - Go Luckyl MG

Rr 9 o 1 :oo2o 5 66 THR AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY IJJCKY STRIILB THR JACK RENNY PROGRAM MARCH 13.1°55 OPENING CWffiDI.1L (CONPID) LIGHP UP TIDM JINGLE - #3 .13 sec . (SHORf CLOSE)

SOLO & GRWP : For the taste that you like

Light up a Lucky Strike

GROUP : Right Novl (HUM GLISS)

OLO; Light up a Luoky ~SPOKEN) SOLO & GRW? : It's Light Up Time

G

arxv I 4002056? NJ TRE AMERICAN TOBACCO CGMPANY LOCKY STRIICE TRE JACK BENNY PRCGRAM MARCH 13, 1955

oPEN INO aGgmzER cIAt, (coNV n1

(4FTE4m) L1ffiiT UP 1-IIQS JINGLE - #2 .2G sec . GRGUP : Li$ft up a Lucky i SOLO : It ' s Light Up Time

GROUP : Be Happy GoLicky

SOLO : It ' s Light Up '!~'Sme

For the taste th'at you like Light up a Lucky`Strike

GRGUP : . ' Right Nowl (RUM GISSS) ~ Light up a hucky ~

flr 901 po2osss I -1-

(FIIiST RGL"INE) (APTBR CC40ftCIAL, Mf6IC UP AND.17JWN)

DON: THE LUCKY STRIKE PROGRU4, STAHRING JACK 9,UM . .H1TH

MARY LNINGSTONG, ROCHI :STER, ilENNIS ilAY,BOB CROSBY,

AND "YOURS TRULl"' DON NIISON . . (APPLAL53 . . .MOSIC UP AND DOL/N) .

DON : iADIPS AND GKNfL@M, AFfIIt LIVING FOR FxFTIM YEARS

AT THE SAME ADixiL9S lN BNNII',LY HILL4, OUN LITTLE STAR

RECENTLY D8C7DED TO PUT HIS HOUSi UP FOR SALB . . .SO

iYP'S GO oUP TO CAbIDIIV DR1V8 47HfT2L 41S .PIND JACK

SHONING A PROSPbI :TIVE BUYEN TiQ20UGH THB }+RIsMISFS .

JACK : Well, I gue ::s I've shown you about everything, Mr, and Mrs . Bor.len . . WRIGHP : it's quite a nice house .

LOIS ; ?es, it's just about what we bad in m1nr1 . JACK: soal . . .goo:1 . . .Naturally, I wouldn't want to high ?ressure you into a sale because I don't believe in - oing business that way . . .but where else at the price oan you find a home with this square footage, quality ~f woMaoanship, choice location, and---

WRIGhT : :'r . Benny, you're squeezing my arm . JACK: = h?•• .Oh . . .Oh . . .I guess I got carried avay . . .(SII.LY ;AUGH) Anyway, T'm glad you like it

: Yr. Benny, to maintain a house this size. UJIS I Anagine you =ust have a butler, a gardener, a cook, s chauffeur, an upstairs maLl, and a 1lovnstaris maid .

SE

01 002056 Rrx 9 1 -2-

JACK: Yes, yes, I have .

WRIGHT : Well, where are they? RGCH : IBRE I AM, SLH . . JACK: Hochester --

RCCH: Ip I EUER GEP FII2ED, I CAN CCLLTxT THEW$ UNBdP1AYMENf

C:-ECK4 .

JACK ; Hever mind . WRIGHP : Well, Mr. Benny, I think we've seen e1l we need to . . . an9 we'11 lat you know . Come along, 'lartha .

JACK: But I haven't even told you about the nei4hbors . . .Oaar $ee, right next door are my dear friends, Mr . and Mre .

Ronald Colman

: (LML°RIBSEC) Mr. IAIS . and Mrs . Ronald CeiMn

: Yes, 140am . . .Hero, look out this wirAow .JACK. . .That's Ronnie and Benita's house

: Where? . WRIGIfP . JACK: Right there . . .You can just make out the tip of the chimney over his fence . .

: Say, that's some fence . .see? 6fRIGtPP

SHOULD EE M E :TRICITY ROCH ; YCL' S IT AT PIIG3P Wf Tf Y SHCCT .ELFX

THROUGH IT

: Yes, yes . . . JACK.Well, Mr . Borden, this house'geems to fit your needs . . .an3 if you want to leave aamall deposit, I' 1' be very happy 10 ---

(SGUND: CIAYA}S) -

JACK: Excuse .me, folks . . .(iRiISPIIiIIV;r) Rochester, I thought tha: plumber finished upstairs .

SE

8 r 9 oa oo2 o 5?o ROCH: (WHISPERIHO) N0, HE JUST HAll TO 00 BACK TO THE SHOP POR NARE TOOLS . (SOUND: MOFE CL4NG.S)

JACK: Oh, for heavens uakes . . .(UP) I'11 be back in a second,folks

. . .Hochester, ahow them the closet space in this

room and the hall .

(SOUND : FOOTSTEPS GOINO UP STAIPS) JACK: }Cs . . .jujt as I had the deal almost closed, that darned plumber had to start pounding on the pipes .. (SOUND: FOOTSTEPS . . .POUNilITR'r OF }WM]EEi CIASER . . . i700R OPE[VS . . . P'OOTSTEPS ) JACK: Say, fellow . . .look, fellow, I'm trying to sell the house . . .Would you mind being a little morB quiet? MEL ; (MDO_•.E1') Look, Bud, I'm in no mood for oomplaints .

JACK: Why, what's the matter?

MEL: What's the matter? . . .Dirl you ever spend three hours on

your back lookint up at the bottom of a rusty sink bowl?

JACK: Huh?

MEL: This ain't CYnerama .

JACK: Well, I --- MEL: Well, next time, think before you criticize .

JACK: I'm cot criticiz5,na. . .I just don't see why you have to make such a racket with that hammer . .

61EL; Because the haumier is made out of metal and the pipes

is mc:ie out of metal . C4 - JACK: Well, isn't there oome way you omf4dmuffle the sound?

SE

Ar 901 0020571 1 M^[. .: Sure, if you' 11 be kind enough to help me : What can I do? . JACK MEL: Put your head between the pipe and the hqrteaer . JACK: Look, ,iust finish up the job and get out .of here . ~ (SOUNi) ; llDOR BIAM & I+OOTSTEPS) JACK : ~ban't understand St . . .Other people hire plumbers, and get a plumber . . .I hire a plumber atr]'get a .

(SOUNil : RAPID ROOTSTEPB i70WN STAIR4)

JACK: . Well, folks, as I was saying---Roch---ROOhester,

where's Mr, and Mrs . Borden?

ROCH: THEi LEF`P, BVP THEY SAD) THEY WERE II'TiIIOTED IN T}Q ;

HOUSE ATID THEY'D .THINK ABOUf TT . . .

JPDK : Oh, well•• .1 hope they --- (BOi1Nil : DOOR BUZZER) JACK: I'll get that, Rochester . . .it's probabl9somebody else who wants to buy the house : PO(YiBTEPS . . . ( BO[JNil D70R OPENS )

JACK: (VERY SWEOPLY) How do you rlo . . .step right---Oh, it's

you, Mary .

MARY : Stop bowing, I'm not going to buy your house . JACK : lM . I know . .•COme on in•

(SOIINU : IX)OR CLOSE) ( \~... ~' ,_.... . JACK: I thought it was another proapect .1 .they've been coming in droves .

MARY: No soul---sale yet, huh? JACK : No, no soul yet .

SE

HTX 01 0020572 -5-

MARY: I rehearseq, too .

JACK: Yeah, I know . No, Mary. . .no sale yet . . .G ee, I can't

understanu it, Mary . Here's a beautiful home . . .28

rooms . . .gorgeous grounds . . . large swimrsi.ng pool . . .aczl the location--- MARY

: Jack, you're saueezinR mv arm .

JACK: Gh . . .I'm sorry . .

MARY: Let me ask you something . . .Why do you vant to sell

this house, anyway?

JACK: Look, Mary, I'm here all alone . . .just m8 atvl Rochester . . What do I need with a house that has twenty-eight rooms? MARY : Jack, you mean to say this house has tvepty-eight rooms? JACK: Certainly . . .there's the kitchen, the dlning room, the

living room, the 1en, the library, and three bedrooms .

MARY: That's only eight . What about the other twenty rooms?

JACK: Gh, I never use those . I've had them closed up for years . MARY: You've had them . : .closed for . . .Jack--- JACK : You see, Idon'treally neeQ--- MARY: Jack--- JACK : ---jo many rooms, you know, so I only ---,

MARY: Jack _-- . JACK: What is it, Mary?

MpgY; Jack, what ever happened to Kenny Baker?

JACK: Gee, I don't know . I never thought of that . I don't

know . . .He came over to my house about fifteen years

ago, LO that's the last I jaw of him . . .Anywayi Mary,

since I :ion't need so many rooms, I deoided to get a

smaller house .

(SOUh7 : DOOR BUZZER)

HTK09 00205 7 3 1 -6-

JACK: COME IN . (SOSIND : DOOR OPFIJS) llIIVNIS : Oh, Hello, Mr . Benny . . .Hello, Mary . MARY: Oh hello, Dennis . : (SOLINil : il09R C1ASN5) . JACKe Come in ano sit down, k7d . DENNIS : ihanks . . .Say, Mr . Benny, I saw the sign .out in front of your house that says "For Sale : ^_hat's right, kld . ." JACK

Dffi9NI5 : How m ch do you want for it?

JACK: A hundred thcusand dollars . DENN19 : For a little sigo like that? : For the house . . .Dennis, I'm trying to s911. JACK the house . DfiNHIS : Oh. . .well, I woulcin't buy it .

JACK ; Oh, you wouldn' -y , eh? . . .Well, Dennis, I've got news

for ycu . . .in :he first place, noborly ;ssked you to buy

it . . .and in the secorrl place, you coulQp't a£forrl to

buy it .

DENNIS : IP I diln't wcrk for a cheapskate, I could

: . . . . .Mary . . . . . JACK

: Do n't look at. MARY I only thou ght it, he cakl it . JACK: Rtldlc, Dennis, I don't want to g0e7t into s long routine - with you, so sing the song you~t."lpeL do on the show before t:-e gang gets here, wiil you?

ilENINw : Okay . . JACK: '.dary, get me a blass of water . DFSSIIS : Here's an asp=in .

JACK: I have my own . . .]ust s1ng . (APPLAL5E) (DFNdIS'S SOiG _°Oi2ANfn7t") (APPLAUSR) .

Rrxo 1 oo 2 o 574 -T- (SEOONa ROUTINE)

JACK : Dennis . .ilennis, that vas very Goo] . .a beautiful song .

DA3NNIS : Gracia j . JACK: Thank you . .You knox, I can't understand . .I can't understand hou anyone who sings so beautifully can come in here and act like you Ao . .What makec you behave like that?

DENNIS : I don't know . .I'm just a Meshugganah mixed up kid . JACK: I'll say you are .

MEL : (oFF) (HOZt ERS) HEY, MR . BENNY. .N R . BPaaNY . .

JACK: Firm, it' o that plumber agaln . .Yb.AH, WHAT 15 Ii?

MEL: bUULD YOU TURN THB WATIIt ON FRCM THF SFRVICE PCRCH?

JACK: CKAY. . .RCCRF9TE3i .

RCCH: YEi, BOSS .

JACK: kiULD YOU PLEASE TURN THE WATER ON Iti THE SLRVICE PCRCH?

RCCHf (OFF) YEi SL2 . .(LCP G PAUSE) . 4W W.ATER'S ;CN, BOSS .

JACK : THANY4 . . .HEY, PIAMSn"'tt, THE WATPR'S CN ;: GWY . M6I JACK: jkjE YCU ALL FINISITEJ FIXING THE SINK?

MEL : NCT YET .

JACK: If~nN WHY DZ7 YOU W?_N' TO HAVE THE WATu.R TURNEJ ON?

MEL : I'M DIRTY, I WANTA TAKE A SHCWIIi .

JACK ; WAIT A MINf7PE. .WIISC X N'T YOU TAKE A SHCWEt ON YOUR OWN T'ifG?

MEL: I GOT llIRTY ON YCUr ?IME . JACK: I 7JN'T CARE . . .RCCHESTER, TURN TRE WATFji CFF . RCCH: P?'S CFP, BCSS . . JACK: What a crazy plumbe^ .

(SOUND : DCGP.BUZZER) Isi

SE

Arxo 1 oo 2 o 5?5 I -8-

JACK : I'11 get it . .7magina a guy like that . : FOOTSTEPS . .1700R OPEPS) . (SOIIMD

BOB : H'ya, Jack, JACK: Oh, hello, Bob . .come on in .

(SOUND : il00R CLOS TS ) /

JACK: Eberybaly's here but Don Wilson . sft!~joon bs he comes, we can rehearse . .

BOB : Oh Jack, I just bumped into Ronald Col .avinln front of

your house . .

: Ronnie? . .What 1id he. JACK have to say? BOB : Oh nothing . He put a rabbiti's foot on your For Sale sign and went home rrhistling . JACK: Good old Ronnie . .alxays xlshing me luck : Jack, is that sign out in front just a gag,or. BOB are you really trying to sell your house? . JACK: Well of course, I'm trying to sell it . ' BOB : Well, What are you asking for it?

JACK . A hundred thousand dollars .

BOB : A hundred thousand uoi :a^s : Brotherl JACK

: What 9o you mean, "Bro -, :er"? ~ BOB : Well, my brother'o the only one th&t's Got that kind of dough . JACK: Oh . .oh . .oh . .oh . NMARY : Say Bob-- . JACK: Well, sister, hov are ycu? -ri ,1.., MARY : Say, Bob, I thought you ~J J JACK; It's ?obertt

6fARY: Bob, I thought you siere going to bring the,band over I today so we could have a complete rehearsal . .

RT 9 00 0020576 I ~~~ -9- E BOB : .S-+A,I was, Mary, but I Called Bagby the piano player and he sairl that to0ay all the boys in the ba :xihave gone to a tailor to have new tuxedos made : All the muaicians in the baod? . .New tuxedos?. JACK BOB : Um hum . . . . JACK: What are they celebrating? BOB : National Wine Week, JACK : Oh . .You know, Bob, I'm a little surprised that they drink anything as mild as wine . ~

BOB : Oh sure, they do, Jack. .they drink a lot of beer, too . JACK: Beer? . BOB : Um hm . .in fact, they had the answer to "What'11 You Nave?" before Pabst had the question . JACK: That I can believe . .That'u the only band I evor saw

l~er the bass fiddle has e~ bung bole in it ; you know . MARY: ,7 J~r.okwhy Bo you_ Bpb elways pick on th'8orchestra boys? It's none o your business what kind of a life they lead . . . JACK:~,~ ook, Mary --

MARY:'n :r ter week you're always picking on them .ansulting

vhem . .you never have a kinc wonl to say about them .

JACK: Look, Mary .

: They've been with. MARY you for years and you ought to be ashamed of the way you constantly run them down .

JACK: Mary -- MARY: ?St.er all, your only concern shoulLi be whether or not they play good music .

JACK : Oh, I see . .anxl you . .you think they play.g0od musio? MARY: Well, they could if they weren't always Orunk .

SE

RT i901 00205, 7 ? 1 -10-

JACK: I thought so . .Now Bob, as long as the boys :^in the band are getting tuxedos, tell them to Please wear them on the show .

BOB: Well, I will, Jack . JACK: An:1 one more thing. .I have a request from the California Chamber of Commerce .

BOB : Well, what's that? JACK: Well, they wrote me a letter saying that Sf Sammy the drummer can't grow hair and won't wear a toupay, won't he at least paint a ste:n on his head so it'll look like

an orange . . .Nov the reason that-- (SONNil : DCOR BllZZBR) JACK : COMG IN . (SOSIfU : DOCR OPENS) JAC$: Oh, hello, Don : He11o, Jack . .Hi,. DDN everybody

.ANG : (?> LIBS F1II.LOS) . C

JACK: Well, I'm glad you brought the Sportsmen .with you . . .llon,

di] you see that sign out on the front lewn? ilON: Yed.1c,T noticed that, Jack . .are you really going to sell this house?

JACK : That's right, Don . . .Hey, vhy don't you buy it? You've

trie'.1 it on enough . . .You know, :•WiIfMft too big, we can

teke it in a little aroun9 the Ve.ntry .

BOB : Hey Jack, why don't we get this rehearsal over with? I vant to go out to the driving re ::ge and h1t some golf balls .

MARY: 5ay , I'd like to go with you, Bob .

S&

flT 801,. 0020578 V

JACK: Allright, kids, maybe we'11 all go . .but firat let's get on with the rehearsal . DON :What kind of a shov are we going to have? ' JACK: Well, Don, the first half is all written, but we're not sure what to do for the last half . I'd 11ke to do something different . tML: How about doing a satirical version of apsychological

drama?

MARY: Say, that's a pretty good iaea . JACK: Mary, what are you talking to him for, he'ss the plumber . MARY: Oh, I thought he vas one of your writers . JACK: Well, that's a stupid mistake . . when he pronounced psychological right, you shoulda known he vasn't . . .Nov look, Mister, we have a rehearsal to do . . just go finish your job . .

MEL: That's what I came to tell you . I'm all through . JACK: Good, good . ME[.: CCk~But there's something I think you oughta kGOV .- JACK: What? . MEL :We11, there vau a leak in one of the pipesand while I was tracing it, it led me way to the back of the house on the top floor . .and in one of them unusedrooms I saw a fellow with curly hair sitting there eating Jello . JACK: What? MARY: Jack, that must be Kenny Baker : iIo no, that's impossible . . JACK ROCR: MAYBE IT'S THE GAS MAN . . JACK: That happened in the basement . .Look, Mis2er, you didn't see anybody up thera . .probably just a hallucination .

MII.: Hey, that's a good word .

SE

flT7lO1 0020579 -12-

JACK : Yes yes . .Now as long as you're through wJ .th your job, you can go . MEL : Okay. . .goodbye . . JACK : Goodbye .

(SOUND : FEW F00'1"TEPS) .

JACK : Now kids --

MEL : Oh, pardon me, Mr . Henny . . .is your house still for

sale?

JACK: Yes .

MEL : Row much you vant for it? JACK

; Look, you couldn't afford to buy it . . MEf.: You didn't get my bill yet . JACK : whqt? ' MEL: When you see it, remember it ain't no hallucination .

JACK : Get out of here

: DOOR. (SOUND SLAM) '. JACK : Now look, kids, as long as everybody .vante to go out

and hit some golf balls, let's start th9rehearsal . . .

Now, Don, whiie we go in the other room and rehearse the dialogue, you run through the commei`cial with the

Sportsmen . Do you have something prepared? DON : Oh yes, Jack, but I was thinking aboutqour house . JACK : Lool4 Don, you can't afford to buy it, so let's -- DON : Oh,A I don't mean that, Jack . . .I thought as long as

you're anxious to sell the house, it may help a little

if we do something about it with the quartet on the

radio .

EC

RTX0 a0020580 JACK : Oh. . .scmething about the sa1eW my house . . .Well,

that's wonderful, Don . . .Hey, ~ids, you go in the other

room and rehearse the dialogue, I want to listen to

this . . .Go ahead, Don . . .Let's hear lt .

QUART : I WANT A HOUSE

JUST LIKE THE HOUSE .

THAT BENNY HAS FOR SALE

. I WANT IT SO IF I HAD THE DOUGH, . I'D BUY IT WITHOUT FAIL . A GOOD OLD FASHIONED HOUSE WITH 28 ROCMS IpP' CF CIpSEPS FOR MY MOPS AND BROOMS I WANT A HOUSE JUST LIKE THE HOUSE THAT BENNY HAS FOR SALE .

JACK : Don, I want them to sell cigarettes, too . . .Hey,

fellows, ci ga rettes . QUART : I WANT A SMOKE JUST LIKE THE SMOKE THAT PLFASbS DEAR OLD DAp . LSMFT, THAT'S THE SM01M FOR ME

THE BFR•T I'VE EVER AAD

IT'S THE BEST I EVER HAD .

AND LUCKY STRIIOi

S THE ONLY SMOKE FOR YOU BETI'ER TASTING, CLEANER FRESHER, TOO . . YFB, IT'S A FACT . PAD'S FAVORITE PACK

IS ALNAYS IIJCKY STRIKE

L S MF T .

(APPLAUSE)

EC

RTYS01 .0020581 (TRIIiD ROUTINE) -14- ,--y~,,, ~ JACK : ~ Don, that was a swell ideay{It I certainly want to

thank you very much . . .

DON : Why, Jack? JACK : Neil, this way maybe I can sell my house 9lrect . . .I ~.. .- a.-a .-: . ~ - won't need a real estate agenV .~ Ne'll :uee it on the air Sunday and see IP we can get any (SOGND: PHONE RINGS) JACK : Oh, Rochester . .answer the phone, will yat, please?

ROCH : YFS, SIR . (SOUND : F00'1"TEPS . .RECEIVER UP) . . ROCH : MR . BENNY'S RF3IUI:NCE, STAR Q+ STAGE, SCRtffiN AND RADIO . WRIGHT : Hello, this is Mr .-Borden calling . .is Mr . Benny in, please?

ROCR: JUST A MIIV(PPE . . .BlS3 . . .IT'S FOR YOU . .IT'9 MR . BORDEN .

JACK : Mr . Borden? . . .Oh, say, that's the man who .was over to

look at the house . .Maybe he's gonna buy it . . .Hand me

the phone . . . . (VERY SWEETLY) Helloooooo .

WRIGHT : Operator ; will you please get off the line?

JACK : No no, Mr . Borden, this is Jack Benny : Oh . . .Mr . Benny . HRIGHT

: ~l. L What did you call. JACK for, Mr . Borden? What what . . .what did you call £or . .what, what, 7lUfD, tnlhf-huh, huh? Nhat was 1t~ WRI

THT : Well --

JACK : What is it, what is it, Mr . Borden, whatr Huh, Qft what, what? 'e'RIG;iT : Mr . Benny --

EC

8 rx01 0 020592 V

JACK : Yeah . .what what what? .

WRI6HT : My wife and I have talked it over ard ve've almost

made up our minde to buy your house

: You have, you have, you have? . JACK

WRIpHT : Yes . .ve bave . . .You said you wanted a hundred thousand ~ _ dollars . .is that right?

JACK :,~ V.a-Yes . .if you'll come right over now, vB can close the deal . WRI(AIT : Well, Mr . Benny, the banks are all clos9d now and all I have with me i6 a business check for .two hundred and fifty thousand .

JACK : Weil, pppome on over, I can give you the change .

WRIGHT : We11 .I have an appointment out at my ;club this afternoon . . .I'11 come over EIS first tha :ng in the

morning . JACK : All right, Mr . Borden, I-11 be here . . .6oodbye . (SCUND : RHCENER DCWN) :

JACK : Hey kids . .kids . .guess what just happened . .Mr. Borden . .

the man who was here with his wife a while ago, j ust

called and said they were going to buy':- my house .

641RY : Say, that's wonderful .

DON : Sure is, Jack : That's great news. BOB . JACK : Yes sir . -

DEMIIS : They'll never be happy here . .

EC

flTYSO7t .0020593 I JACK : They will if you .don't visit them . .Nov came on, kids, let's finish our rehearsal-" then we'11 go out on the driving range and hit some golf ba11s . (TRAISI?ION t3USIC)

(SOUND : CAR POLLING TO STOP) JACK : Well, here we are .

(SOUND : CAR DOOR OPENB) -

BOB : Here, Mary, I'll carry your clubs, . MARY: Oh tFanks, Bob .

(BOUND : RATR'L .E CF CUJBS) BOB : Here's your bag, Jack .

JACK : Careful with them, Bob, those clubs are ;new .

MARY : Gee, the driving range is crowded today . JACK: We better get some golf balls at the statp . . .Dennis, here's some money . .go get us a couple of buckets of balls . DNNNIS : Okay .

JACK : Fxcuse me, kids .. .I wants swing this club .to limber up

my hands . They're stiff from my violinlesson

yesterday . BOB : ~~e.,Did you practice too Long? JACK : No,'m~y violin teacher closed the case on my fingers . . . ~ ffippens every time I take a lesson . DENNIB : Iere's a bucket of balls .

JAOK : Thanks, Dennis . . .Go ahead, Mary, hit one out, will you? MARY : Okay .

EC

flT 9 0 1 0020384 -17-

JACK : Keep your head dovn .

MARY : Be quiet .

(SCUND : WHIP CF CUJB AND CFACK CF BALL)

BOB : Hey, that was a good one, Mary . JACK : Yeah, but watch your fozm, Mary . Your pivot was much too abrupt and you dipped your shoulder . CM ahead, Bob . .you go .

BOB : Okay, here goes

: WNIP. (SOUND OF CIAB AND CRACK CF' . BALL)

NAR}[ : Wow! Two hundred and fifty yards, straight down the middle :

JACK : Yeah, but Bob, you dipped your shoulder, too . . .Now stand back and watch me . (SCi1PID : SLIGHT PAUSE . .WUIP OF CIAB AND BODY THUD)

MAEY : Help him up, Bob .

BOB : I -- I can't without dipping my shoulder .

JACK : Don't be funny . .I j ust tried to hit it too hard, that

was all . . . MARY : Ch, stop making excuses . You've never played good go'_f in your life : Ch, I haven't, eh?. JACK . . .Well, let me tellyou something, sister, .Not only do I play good goif,-but I even know scr_e great trick shots .

MARY : Trick shots?

JACK : Yes . .Here, I'll .show you . . . .Dennis, lie down and put

this golf ball on your nose . . .Come on, Dennis, lie down .

EC

flT7{ 0 9-0020585 -18-

DENNIS : Okay .

JACK : Now hold still, Dennis, while I balance this ball on

your noee . .I111 show you kids a tricketpt if you ever

saw one . .Now etand back, everybody . .

NARY : But Jack, you must be kidding . That'e a dangerous trick .

BOB : It surs Is . You're liable to miss that ball and hit Dennis .

JACK : (BIG SMILE) . . .Yeahhhh : .

MARY : Dennis, got up . You'll get hurt . JACK : Now get up, Dennis . . .Now watch me, Bob, .and I'll show you the correct fono for driving a balloff the tee . . . Watch this .

(SOUND : SWI3H C F CLUB) .

JACK : Fhmmm .

(SONPID : PAOSE . . .SYf2SH CP CLUB) JACK : Hmvnnamu

. (SCUND : PAUSE . . . SWISH CE CLUB) . JACK: Hmn .

MAHY : Jack, keep it up, that's wonderful . JACK : What do you mean, wonderful? . . .I missed.the ball three times . MARY : I know, but you're fanning the smog out of Loa Angeles . JACK : Gh, stop .

DENNIS : If I'da stayed down there, I'd be a mess . JACK : I can't understand it . . .Bob, what amI .doing wrong?

Ex

flT 801 ~~ ~~00205 8 6 -19- f'S~ BOB : Well, I don ' t know, Jack . . 4IMt-, gee -- isaybe you ought to take a few lessons from the instructor here . JACK: Instructor? Where is he? BOB : Well, that's him over there . . .the one with the white cap . JAOK : Oh, yes . . .maybe he can help me . . .Oh, NSeter . . .Mister?

NELSON : Yesasseas .

JACK : Oh, no . . .Are you the golf instructor here?

NELSON : Yea, don ' t let these lounging pajamas fool you .

JACK : All right . .All right, now ehat do you charge for a lesson?

NELSON : It ' s three dollars for a half hour . JACK : Well, okay . . .give me a lesson : All right . . .let me see your awing. NELSON . . .Grlp the club firmly . . .the thumb on the ahaft .

JACK : Like this? -

NELSON : Very good . .BUt be sure not to s11ce . We ' re right next

to the third hole of the golf course .,right over that

hedge .

JACK : Oh yes . . .I'll be careful : Now start your backeving,. NELSON that's it . . .Npw head down, keep your head down . .lower . . .lower .,,lover . . .WF[dJ,L,

I KNEW IT WOULD SLIP OFF

: Now cut that out! Look, . JACKMister, I - m psping for a

iesson . . .so will you please give me some instruction?

N€[SON : A11 rlght . .keep your head dovn . .aving beok slowly . . .

hit it .

(sooNn : sWISH a+ cIAB . . .CIICx OF~.BAIJ.)

Ec

Arxo 1 oo2o 58? . -2G_

JACK : ~ Ch boy, look at that one gol BCB : Jack, you got a bad slice on that one : J Look, it's going over the hedge onto the. MARY golf couree . NET$CN : FCRE . . .FCRE . . . MARY : Ch my goodnesa . .you htt a man on the heaA : JACK : Ch, for heaven's sakes . .Ibetter run over,and apologize . .

NELSON : You don ' t have to, he's coming over her9 . JACK : Say, it's Mr . Borden, the man who's going to buy my house.

WRIGHT : Who hit me on the head with that ba117

JACK : I did, sta I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Borden .

WRIGHT : .~ Who's Mr . Borden? JACK : You are and I'm Jack Benny .

WRIGHTWho ' s Jack Benny? -

MARY:Jack, your ball hit him so ha2d he losthie memory .

JACK :U But he can't . . .he promieed to buy the house .

WRIGHT : What house?

JACK : & house . .don't you remember . .think . . .the house in Beverly Hills . . .twenty-eight roome . .thesvimming pool . .

the spacious yaxt7 -- . .

WRIGHT : Stop squeezing my ann . JACK : But Mr . Borden . . .you must remember . .please . . .please . . . (MUSIC STAB15) JACK : The lovely neighborhood . .the wonderful neighbore . . .

Kenny Baker will sing to you . .Mr . Bordeni

ED

Ar 9 o 1 oo2o 59 e -21-

NE[SON : Sdtret about oy three dollara4 JACK : When I sellthe house . . .Mr . Borden . . .try to remember . .

please . (APPIAUSH AND MUBIC UP FULL)

EC

RTXO1 0020568 THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY LUCKY STRTaCR TRE JACK SShNl PROGRAM

MAHCH 13, 1955 GIASZNG CQM,EfJ:IAL .

WILSON : Jack will be back in just a minute, but first listen

to this . LIGHr UP TIhi~ JINGLE - #1 .21 sec . SCUND : (TIC TCC - 6 BBATS) GRWP : Light up a Lucky

SOLO : It ' s Light Up Time

GROUP : Be Happy Go U.tcky

SOLO : It ' s Light Up Tima For the taste that you like . Light up a Luoky Strike

. GROUP : Relax : (HUM GLISS) SOLO & GRW? : it's Light Up Time : Light-up time, A time . WILSCN when you went to.really

enjoy yourself . And if it :s a Lacks you light, you

. really iet that enjoyment . Because a Uacky tastes

better . Naturally it does . ItTs msde of fine,

mild tobacco . Tobacco that naturally tastes better .

Tobacco that ' s toasted . That ' s rlght. . "IT ' S TGASTED" -- the famous Lucky Strike process -- tones

up Luckies good tasting tobacco . . . brtngg it to its

very peak of flavor, .,makes it taste even better.

Cleaner, fresher, smoother . So when it ? s light-up

time for you, light up a Lucky . You ' ll fini it ' s

the best-tasting cigarette you ever smoked! MG

prxo 1 oo2o 59 o I THE AMER;CAN TOBACCO COMPANY LUOKY STATKE TRE JACK BBNNY PHGGRAM MARCx 13, 1955

CLGSING CC MMERCIAL (coNr I D)

LIGHT UP TIME J1NGLE - #3 .13 sec . (SRGRT CLOSE) SCIA & GRWr: For the taste that you like

Light up a Lueky Strike

GRWP: Right Now l (HUM GLISS)

SOLO : Light up a Luclq (SPCKEN)

SOLO & GRWP : It's LSght Up Time

MG

AiK01 002054 1 ~~ TRIO~AN T09nco0 COMPANY

THE JACK BENNY PROGFAM MARCH 13, 1955

CLO.SIHG CO[REIiCIAL (CONTID )

(OPTIO LIGiR' UPNQ'DtE 20 sec .

GRWP: \ Light up a Iu.o

SOLO : \'•It's Light-~v Time GRG(iP : Be $s¢py Go Luokg

SOIA: z 1t1- sLight Up Tim

taste thate For the you like Light up a iiibk_v Strlke

GR(AJPJ Right NOW (RUM GISSS) ISght up e Luckg

AiiSOi 0020592 (TAG) -22 -

JACK : ,,We - re a little latef 0-

(APPIAU3B AND MU3IC) .

DGN : The Jack Benny Show tonight was written by Sem Perrin,

Milt Jcsefsberg, George Balzer, John Tackaberry, Aal

Goldman, Al Gordon, and produced and transcribed by

Hilllaxd Marks .

EC

Ai 9 01 0020593 ERNO V F T TARis'yTON NR 302F

ANNCR : Filter smokers : Here's the true tobacco taste you've been looking for, Filter Tip TAREYTON gives you aii the full, rich flavor of TAREPfON'g famous quality

tobacco . . .and real filtration, too : Filter Tip TARL7TON incorporates Activated Charcoal, reknovned

for its unusual powers of selective filtration and

used far and wide to purify the airYe breathe, the

Yater and beverages Ye drink . Look for the red, vhite

and blue stripes on the Fackage . They

.identify Fiiter Tip TAREYTON, the best in filtered smCking .

The Jack Benny Program vas brought to you by the

American Tobacco Company . . . . America's leading

manufacturers of cigarettes .

EC

0 RiNO1 020544 I REVIBED~'d~~ SORIPT~k

ANIItICAN TOBACCO COMPANY LUGyC7 3TRIIM

T8B JACK BENNY YROORAM

SptmAY MARCH 20 1955 CB5 4 :00 - 4 :30 PM PST

(Trense.ribed - December 8, 1954

CAST : JecK Benny Roohaster Don Wilson Sportsmen Quartet Mel slanc Eric Snorrden Jesnette Eymenn Semnp Weiss Elvia Allman Frank Nelson Veole Vonn

BR

Rr )?01 002 0s 9 5 y ~ n IO~A(NB TOBACCO CO~ANx THE JAOK P8Nt7Y PROGRAM Opening : 1 .35 Closing : 1.32 r- MARCH 20, 1955 Total : 3•07 OP'BNIN1'i COVIERCIAL

WIL90N : TNB JACK BENNY PROGRAM . . . . transcribed and presented by Lucky Strih, the cigarette that testes better : LIGHf UP TIME JINGITs - #1 .21 sec. (S01)4ID : TIC T00 - 6 $EATS) GROUP : . Light up a Lucky

SOLO : It's Light Up Tims

GROUP : Be Happy Go Lucky

SOIA : It's Light ilp Time For the taste that you like Light up a Lucky Strike GROUP : Relaxl (RUM GLISS) SOLO & GROUP : It's Light Up Time .

WILSON : This is Don Wilson, friends, end I certainly agree there's no time like richt nw to light up a Lucky end

find out first hend what real, deep-down elrooking

enJoyment is . I msen the en3oyment that comss from

better taste . . . . because a Lucky testes better every

time . And the reasons why are world femous . First of

all, LS/M6T, Lucky Strike means fine tobeoco, so fine,

so light, so mild, it just naturally tastes better .

And then, something very important heppen9 to Luckies'

fine tobacco . "IT'S TOAS'lED" . "IT'S TOA$TED" is the

famous Lucky Strike process that brings Luckies'

naturally good-testing tobacco to its peak of flavor,

tones it up to make it taste even better . (M0R8)

AtXO1002059b THE ADERICAN TffiACCO COMPANY LUOKY STRM THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM MABCH 20, 1955 OPENIIVG COMPERCIAL (CONT'D) WIL40N : Cleener, 1resher, smoother . So right now, while the (COPiP'D) show gets under way -- or vhenever it's light- up time

for you, Be Happy -- Go *,Mkv . Enjoy Lucky Strike --the

best testing cigarette you ever emoked :

LIGHP UP TIME JINGSS - //3 .13 sec . ;SHORT CIASE)

SOIA & GROUP : For the taste that you like

Light up a Lucky Strike

GROUP : Right Nov :

(HUM GLISS)

S(SP&9MN) Light up a Lucky

SOIA & GROUP : It's Light Up T7me

ArifP9,,ooao5s7 .v THE nNIISRIOt+N TOBA000 006mANY . Lt cKx sTxnce THB JACK BENNY PROGRAM MARCH 20, 1955

GrENIN c cor Z HEIaLL (c0rrr'D) (oprl ) LIG UP TIME JINGIE /~2 .20 sec .

GROUP : Light up a ky S07A : It'a Light Tima GROUP : Be Hsp Go Luok9

80UJ : t's ight Up Tima F he taste thet you like ~Light e Luckg Strike QROUP : Right N (HUM GLISS)

BR

RT}40.1 ;- 0020598 I (FIIiST-ROITTINg) (M6NPION T .V . SHGd) -1- (APTER COf.II4NCIAL, M[AIC UP AHp DGdN)

DON : THE LUCKY STRIIOd PROGRAM, STARRING JACK BENN7( . . .WITH MARY

LIVIN3STONE, ROCAESTSR, IENNIS DAY, BOB CROSBY, AND "YOURS

TRULY" DON WILSON . (APPLALlSE . . .MOSIC UP AND DONN) DON : LADISS AND GBNPIEMEN, TODAY JACK BENNY DMES ANOTfER TfiRS'VISION SHOW . . .BUT M6ANWHIIE lET'S GO BAOK TO FRIDAY

MORNING . . .AS WE LOOK IN ON TH6 BENNY HOU"adHOLD, JACK IS JWT FINISHING BRfiA%FAST . . . .

(SOi1PID : NOISES GF PLATES, IQQIFE AND FORNL . . .BTC . . . . ) ROCH : IS 7e rP"ING ALL. . .RIGHT, MR . B6NNY7 JACSeyQ,Fine~ butcQr~-rdo. you. have a little more honey for the hot cakesROCH

: NO SIR . . .WE'RE ALL OUT OF HONEY .

JACK: Are you sure?

ROCH : POS ITIVE . . .I GOT T}L LAST IROP THERE WAS 017P OF Tf E HIVE AtiD I'M

TOO SCARED TO SQUEEZE 'He BEES . JACK : Oh, stop being si11y . . .Anywey, Rochester . .you shouldn't be

afraid of bees, they're industrious little creatures . ,

ROCH : DH HUH . JACK: Bees never bother people . . .they spend their entire lives gather]ng honey .

ROCH : l4[ HUH . JACK: They vork from the t7me they're born, till the time they die . . . .thet is, a11 except the Queen Bee .

ROCH : WELL, I AIN'T GONNA SQTkT7.E HER MA,xE ~. for heavens sekes . . .don't you lqmv-th bee hetes to sting en

WHY4 BR

ATX07 :ob20599 ~ Because bees were created to work -- I if ings y

ROCH: WELL, ANyTHp1G HARD MAY WANT TO COtM1TT SUICII)E . JACS: WhaSY'

JACK: Alright, alright . . .I'11 have another cup of :ooffee .

M6L: (SQUAWKS) Cup of coffee, cup of coffee (WHI$TIES .)

JACK : Good morn ing, Po11y.

MEL: Good morning, Blue 8yea . (WHISTIES )

JACK : she learned somathing new . . .Polly vent*4a cracker8 a N6L: Polly wentsACUp of coffee (SQUAWKS

JACK : I'll just give you a crackerj No, no -- .

ROCH : BCSS. . .WHY DON'T YOU GIVE HER A LITTIE COFBSE AND SE B

WHBTNBR SHE LIl E S IT OR NOT? JACK : No, no Rochester -- we don't went to get her used to thet . . . Give her a cracker . MEL: (SAD DISAPPOINPSD S$UAWR . : BUf BG3.9. . .WHAT'S A Lr1TIS) ROCH B3i!! COb7''E6IH L7E lWRNITA P

JACK : It's not that, Rochester -- it's where the9e things lead

to . . . . . First she'll went a little coffee in the morning ., . .

then she'll vent coffee at night . . . .Then eUe'11 wentcognec

in her coffee . . .then she'll vent plain cognec . . .then ahe'll

-start drinking whiskey -- -1 In first thing you know

she'll belong to Parrots Anonymous .

MEL: SQUAWKS . . .THEN HICS . JACO..No, no Polly -- you haven't done anything yet . . .Say Rochester - did Don Wilson phone its thismDraing 4 BR

Rrxot . 0020600 1 Y -3-

ROCH : NO SIR .,,THERE WER& NO CALLS AT ALL, JACK : Himm, he was supposed to cell me about the commeroial . . . I better ce11 him . . : GETTIIKi. (SOUND UP FROM TABIH . . .WAIICIIi3 FOOTSTSPS . . . . ) . JACK : Gee, Parrots are funnq. . :MS way they keep repeeting everything they hear . . .she called me Blue Eyes just beceueethe garbage man does . . : FOOTSTEPS . (SOUND STOP . . . .) JACK: Now, let's see . . .what's Don Wilson's number again . .,Oh yes . . .Crestview 4-0y8'/, . . . ., (SOUND : RECBIVSR OFF HOOK ., . .) i JACK: ,, . .(PA=~),,,Hmm, that's funny, I don't get eny dial tone . (SONCID : JIGGLING OF HOOK .,,,)

JACK : I still 9on't get the dial tone, . . .

(SOUND : MORE JIOGLING . . . .) JACK : (CALffi) Rochester -- the phone seems to be out of order . AOCH : . COUID BE, IT HASN'T Hl1[v'G ALL MCS2NING .. JACK: Gee, I wonder what could be wrong . . . .

(SOLIDII) : JIGGLIN3 OF RECEIVER . . . THEN PHOt7g BACK ON HOOK;

JACK : -6k,-Th is is awful . . .Rochester -- I'm going over to the

Colmen's house^end use their phone to report it to the Company . . .

ROCH: OKAY BOSS . . .

(SOUND : WAIKING FOC/fSTRPS, . .Si}4TAIN IN B~.~G . . . .)

JACK: Gee ., .imagine my phone going out of order . ;~Ilope that Ronnie ?s home so I cen use hie, . .

(SOUPID : D00@ OPEN.S, . .ACID CLCSES, .,FOdfSTBPS ON SIISWAIi. . . . .SNgTAIN IN B,G .) BR

flTH07 . , 002 0 609 -4-

JACK : AIM the weather is nice . . .look at my garden . . .it's amazing

how fast t0-h~ s grow .here when we have a little werm spell . .

.,Look et,~thet ivy . . .it's elmost completely covered Remlay . .

, .There wasn't e thing growing there when he 1'ell on New

Yeers' Eve . .Gosh, Frankie's eyes are open'end the

b u -- Oh no, that' of Robin's eggs . . .Gee,

if they , when he wekes up he . r„+(LAII:}HS)

r. .Thet'e sill . ~ (SOIIPID : FOOTSTEp3 UP bEW STEPS,,,THEN 0N PfORCH . . .PA1HE . . .TAEN SOTRd1 OF DOOR KNOCNER SEIIM KNOCK6D . . .) JACK : (H0614 BIT OF LOVE IN .BILIOM) . . ., (SOUND : DOOR OPENS . . .) ERIC : Oh. . .good morning, Mr, Benny, JACK :ai.,GOOd-morning,-Sharvood----is fsa, Colman at home4 ERIC : No sir . . .He took Mrs . Co]man to the hospitel a few minutes

ago .

JACK : The hospitel. . .he took her -- you mean --?

ERIC : tj Yes, this morning she set on one of your bees .

JACK:91r- I hope it wasn't Harry -- heswe , such a .good worker . ERIC : Oh, she didn't kill it, she rose very promptly .

JACK: Oh good, good . . .Well, the reason I carce over is I'd like to

use your telephone . -

ERIC : Oh, business in New York again . JACK: No, no - mine seems to be out of order so .-I'd like to report it . ERIC : Oh, well come right in, . . . (SOUND : DOOR CL09ES . . .WAIICING FOOTSTEPS)

BR

Ar 901 00 20 e 02 -5-

ERIC : Here's the phone .

JACK: i1Mi', I better call the operator . . . (SOUND : PHONE OFF HOOK,, .DIAL TONE . . .T3EN WE HEAR "0" BEING DIALiED . . .BUZZING . . .RECEI6TsR CLICK. . .) JENNY~:~~Operator . JAOKavx,Operetor, I'd like to report a phone thet'snot working . JENNY : Yes sir . . .what is the address, and phone number please? JACK : Three sixty six North Cemden Drive . . .The phone number is Orestview 4-C555•

JENNY : ~V~yer~y good, air . . .Now, whet seems to be the trouble? JACK :~"1`Fie phone doesn't vork .~I vent to find out whether it's out of order or disconnected .

JENNY : Disconnected - I'11 have to check in our booke . . .What is

your neme, please . . JACK:, Jeck enny . ~ JgNN ~~ Your~phone uldn't be disconnected -- the case doesn't come up til next week . :./-- JACK: Well, thenA it must be out of order,,, .

JENNY: I'll report that to our repair department, sir .

JACK: Thank you . . .,Goodbye . . . . (SOUND : RECEIVER CLICK) JACK:Thank you ~ for letting me use the phone, Sherwood . ERIC :9,Thet's quite elright, Mr, Benny ...... (SOUDID : FOOTSTSPS . .,)

ERIC : I'll see you to the door . . .

(SOUND : COUPIE OF MORE FOOTSTEPS ., .DO OR OPENS . . .)

EBIC : Oh, by the way, Mr. Benny. . .I meant to tell you that I saw your last television show . BH

At 80 1 0020603 -6-

JACK : Oh really -- did you like it?

ERIC : Unfortunately, yes .

JACK: Whet do you mean -- unfortunetely? ERIC : Well, I was watching-1t secretly when I oouldn't control

myself and gave vent to a burst of laughter . JACK : Well . . . .? ERIC : Well Mr . Colman cace in, caught me, and sent me to bed without g:y cr ts, . Y~ct ,w." a.. --- -- JACK : , AN,`, .Well, thanks again for letting me use the phone .

ERIC : You're quite welcor.e . . . . Good-day .

JACK : Goodbye . . .

(SOUND : DOOR CLO.SES . . .F00TSTEPS . . .SLSTAIN IN B .G .)

JACK : Gee, I can't understend l ~onnie. . . .Well, it takes all kinds of people to make a worldf .Say, look at that Ivy -- sovaone must have put Vigoro on it,, .It's completely grown over Fren-~t-°'No, somebody moved h1m . . .Gee, thetSs 1.+~~ 'T~g419-Frafilcle-}eevfngy.itb u e lt'fl ing me hov much he

an Oj~93-n~ _ev Yea_r'n Fva panty, : .Gh_ we~.

OUDID : FSN FOOTSTEPS,,,TABN STOP)

JACK : Nnen. Look you, get, over on that flower. You can't get

honey out of leaves .

(SOUND : BEE BUZZgS) JACK : ~rI -don't know . . .I have to tell everybody vhat to do . . .3Y8 tough being the boss,

(SOUND : DOOR OPBNS . . .CIASES . . .)

JACK: (CALL4) Rochester, I'm back . .

ROCH : THAT'S GOOD . . . . FR, WIL40N'S WAITING IN THE ZEN .

A r 901 00206 0 4 ti -7 -

JACKA,DOn's here? . ~ DON : (OFF) Yea(;Jack -- I tried to call you about .the convrerciel but phone ves out of order . . .Went me to come out there? JACKA.No, I'll come into the den . . . (80UPID : COCPIE OF FOOTSTEPS . . . . STOP . . .) JACK: Don, Don -- why are you sitting on the floor?

DON : I'm not sitting on the floor -- there's a oheir under me .

JACK : Oh, oh -- you kcow, Don -- you've flattened more things

than Christian Jior . . .Hey, you have the 9portsmen with you

. . .Hi, fellows .

QIIART : HMM . JACK : All right, ell right . . .Now, Don, what numbex did you want to telk to me about? o_A--

DON : Ife &, Jack, we have e wonderful arrangementt of the Raymond

Overture, and 1 thought it would be even better if you play

your violin in it . JACK : Do you really think so, Don? DON : ~NYo~. .Q, JACK : ~lrw wk~p did you say it? DON : I don't know, it was just a big fat impulse .

JACK : Well, impulse or not, I'm going to take you up on it . . . .

Wait till I get r7 violin . (TTJNES UP) Okay, fellows,

let's go . . . .The Reymond Overture .

BR

RTYS 01 0020605 QUART : I,SM ti¢T, LSM MFT LUCKIES ARE

SURE TO TASTE SETITR

THAN ALL OF TEE REST LUCKIES ARE TOFSTED

AND THAT'S NAY TNEP'LL ALWAYS TASTE SEST TAAT IS A FACT /y59 , A FACT (TNAT WE CAN PRCVE JACK : (VIOLIN) QUART : SMOK6 A LiR.'Ky

JACK: (VIOLIN) QUART : BOID AMERICAN . JACK : (VIOLIN) . .

QUART : ROUPID AND FIRM ALD

JACK : (VIOLIN)

QUART : FULI.Y PACKED JACK

: (VIOLIN)

QUART : F.RSE AND EASY JACK : (VIOLIN)

QUART : ON THE DRAW JACK: (VIOLIN) QUART : AND TFO3Y'RE TOASi'^'3D JACK : (VIOLIN)

I

BR

19 i HO'Jz,;., - 0020606 -9-

@UABT : MFf REMEPSER THIS, FOIt SMQCIN[} BLISS YOU CANNOT BEAT, YE3, WE REPEAT

YOU CANNOT BEAT THEM WHAT A FINE CIUARCl'TE, WHAT A FINE CSGARh'PTE

IT :S THE BEST YOU CAN CfET IT'S THE BEST ONE Y8T

TAKE A PUFF, TAISE A PUFF, TASE A PUFF

BECALL4E WE KNOW TNAT YOU CAN'T GET ENOUGH

OH LSMFT

OH LSMFT IT'S SBMF IS L4 .ISD'gT, -

(APPLAUSS)

Rrx 01t 00 2 0 6 0 ? -10-

(SECOND ROUTINE) JACK : Well, Don . . fellowa . . that wae juet wonderful and .I'm certainly glad that I was a part of it . . . And Don, it wae such a good idea that I think I'm going to give you and the boys a raise DON : . Really, Jack? ~.~ JACK : No . . It was just a big fat L:pulse, but Ilm over it . . . See you later, Don . . So long, feliows .

SWPID : DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

JACK : it's such a nice day, I think I'11 :all Mi Livings2 and ask her if she'd like t~ little golf . ~ocH : BUT MR . BEtIIVY, YOU CAN' 0 DNE . ~ 4T,.Cx : Oh yes, I forgot i' out of 0 ROCR : WHY DON'T 8E THE ONE IN '-1E HALL . JACK : t want to tie it up when the bus get's he I would like to -- (SOUND : DOOR BUZZER)

ROCH :~ WANT ME TO ANSWER THAT, BOSS? JAC$ :'dU, No, I'11 get it .

(BOUND : COUPLB OF F00'STEPS . . .DOOR,OPENS) JACK : Yes?

MEL : Dohhhhhh, I'm the repairman frem the phone company . JACK : Oh, good . ~- MEL : I already checked everything cutside, and~can't find nothing wrong. I climbed to the top of the pole and everything's okay there .

BH

Arxo J oo 2 oeo 8 1, .

JACK : Well, I -- wait a minute -- how could you have climbed the

pole -- you're not wearing those shoes with spikes .

MEL : I got long toe naile . JACK : Oh .

ME L : Anyway, since I can't find the trouble outside, maybe it's right in the phone . JACK: It probably is . . . . there'e no dial tone . . .oane in and iook at it . . . ,Okay .

(BOUND : DOOR CIqSES . . .FEW FOOTST3PS . . .)

JACK : The phone's right over here, Mister . . . . Mieter. . .? MBL : ALexander Grahem Rell, the third .

JACK : . . .Alexander .-r.Grahem . . . . Be11 . . . . . The thlid . . . . .Are you descended from the man who invented the telephone?

MEL : Oh, is that what grandpa done -- no wonder .they gave me the job . JACK : ,(Haa~m . . . . Well, here's the phone .

MEL :t,. 8~: you're right, them ain't no dial tons .

JACK :,I~b~.~yPilc%~k up the receiver firat . . . . For heavens,eakes!

! . : ly-V-,Oh yeah

. (SOUND : RECEIVER OFF HOOK)

MEL : I don't hear no dial tone . - JACK : I told you, tffit's whst's wrong with-- .(SQ!HD : DOOR BUZZfiR)

MEL : (HAPPY)~^[T.••here, thenm there's the,"a1 tQne! i.~_e..$ ._ . JACK : Thet's the door buzzer, . . .(CALIS) ~ROCHBS,1'ER, WILL YOU

ANSWER THE DOOR .

ROCH : (CFF) SBS SIR .

BH

flrx 01 ; q 020609 I MEL :/ Hey, I think I found out what's the trouble . . . . JACK :,~~ What, what? ~

MEL : O!-{.,This here thingama j ig^SA sloose . . .see, it spins around .

(SOUND : QUICK CLINKING TURNINO W+ DIAL)

JACK : THAT'S THE DIAL ...... I can't understand'vihy the Phone

company would Bend a man 13ke-- ROCH : (COMING IN) EXCUSB ME, MR . BENNY . . JACK : What is it, Rochester-- who was at the door?

ROCH : IT'S MISTER SAtMDC WELSS . . . . Hg WANTS TO SEE YOU .

JACK : (PCZZI . D) Sanvny ...... Weiss? ...... Who's he? ROCH : BE'S FROM THE BAND ON YOUR PRCORAM . . .SM44Y THE DRUMMER . K JACK : Oh, so his namer We1es . . .I thought his last name was

-- - 'hRie Drummer" . What-does he want?

ROCH : HG NANTS TO SEE YOU PRIVATE'LY . . . . HE'S IN THE NEXT ROOM .

JACIC : Well, I better go and see what he wants . . .8xcuse me,

Mister Bell . MELa You can call me Al : Thanks . . .I hope you. JACK have the phone fixed vhen I come back .

(SOUND : COUPLE OF FOOTSTEPS . . . . DOOR OPENS) JACK : Hello 3ammy . SAtM1Y : Hello, Mister Benny! JACK : You wantd& to see me?

SAMMY : Yes.lL, it's kind of a personal matter .

JACK : Personal? What can I do for you? SAMMY : Well, I wish you'dmake the other boys in the band stop picking on me : . . .The boys . . ..pick JACK on you . . .But Sammy, you're the biggest guy in the band . . .You're six foot five . . .iI` the other musicians hit you, hit them back . BH

flr 901 00 2 0610 SAMMY: Oh, they don't do anything physical . . . . they tease me . r JACK : Tease you---how? /~,~

SAtRAY : They call me clod-hopper, they call me dopey, and^thay write dirty words on my dnmt

.

JACK: No .

6M4dY : Yea not only that . . .they're always calling me 'Saldy' .

JACK~: Well Sammy, you ahouldn't be sensitive aboi}t that . . . . . -Lots of men lose their hair as they get older .

SAMMY : I've been bald since I was seven!

JACK : No kidding . . . . that's emazing . . . . how did youhappen to Lose

your hair so early? .

SAMMY : I didn't lose it, I grew so fast I pushsd through it .

JACK : Pushed through it -- a likely story .

SAMMY : That's my excuse, vhat's yours? - JACK : Never mind ...... Anyvay, don't worry, :Sammy, -- I'll tell the rest of the boys in the band to be nicer to you .

SAMMY : Well, they should . . .after all, I'm always doing sweet things for them .

JACK : Like what?

SAMMY : Well, just a little while ago I trimned the ivy off Remiey and took him home

: Oh, so that's where. JACK he went . . .Boy, will Fxaalde be amazed when be wakes up in a bed . . . . Imagine : . I put him under a table, I didn' ~weQn't. SMgdY to-shock him .

JACK : Well, that was sweet, Sammy . . . .Nnslt Y tellthe other boys

about this I'm sure they'11 all bee nicer to you .

SA64fY : Gee thanks, Mr . Henny ...... Goodbye . JAGK :Goodbye .

(SODnID : 7bON OFBNS AND CLOSES) -

RTYlO7- 0020611 I JACK : I~'11 really have to talk to the boys in ~th9 banA . . .I

.aeoa~idei+i want Semmy to quit . . . i aooks s:o_good sitting way

up there in the middle of the orchestra with that smile

painted on his head . . .Well, I better go back and see if

that guy's got the phone fixed . . . . .

(SOUND : COUPIE C&' F0018TEPS . . .DOOR'OPBNS)

PRiL :, (TOUGH) Now look, don't interrupt me T111y . I don't care

if you have got dinner cooked . I ain't coming home

tonight . . . .I'm going out with the boys . . .Yeah, that's

right, we're gonna play cards and ya needn't wait up for

me because I don't knov what time I'm coming home . . . Yeah,

you heard me

: Oh, you got . JACK the phone fixed? -

MEL : No, I'm just rehearsing what I'd like to-bay to my wife .

JACK ; Oh . MEL: C&But vait a minute -- I thi.nk I found out what's wrong . . . .

this connection is l.oose . . .rtl'11 fix it . . . .

(SOUND : LITTLE METALLIC NOISES)

MEL : There, that does it . . .Now I'll lift the reoeiver . . . . (SOU ~LICK) Qt,,,here's a dial tone . . . "

dSNNY

RT 901 0020612 . Mmomp.^.-o.

-15-

Operator, this is A1 . . . . I got the phone fix ~s North .r

make? JENNY: No, come , Stupid . MSL : S : You wouldn't dare talk to me iffie .t_St if

grandpa was alive ...... I ' m ccming in . (SOUPID : RRCEIVSR CLICK) MEL : Well, ahe'_ s~al ixed . . . JACK :~'989t1, I''ll show you to the door . . .

~,,~~~ M'i (SOUIID : COUPLE Q+ FOOTSTEPS . . .DOOR .dPENS)

. : /1.+r,,GOOdbye . JACK : Goodbye . . .-awd thanks a lot, Al .

(SOUND : DOOR CLOSES . . . . . F00'1BTEPS ...... FAIffi AND SUSTAIN IN n0) . .

JACK : A ee, I s m glad the phone is fixed . . .now I can make that

important call I had to make to . . . . See . . .Hmns, I forget

who I bad to call . . . dblt, I mentioned it to Rochester,

ma9be he remembers . . . . (CALL4) OH ROCHE4TER ......

IMMMOM ...... Nhere did he go . . . . . Now who did I want

to call . . . . 'Jf w' s very important aeM-- Oh, .now I remember who it was . . . .

(SOUfID : RECHIVER OFF HOOK . . .DIAL ABOUT FIVE

OR SI7C TID ES . . . . RUZZBR . . . . RECEIVRR CLICK)

BH

AT 80 9 0 020613 -16-

DON: Hello .

JACK : (A LPPPLE MAD~)~~lL Don, this is Jack .

DON : Whatt 'tthe~+.matter, Jeck-- who are you mad at?

JACK : YCU . . .You were supposed to call me this morning about

the commerciat .

DON: But Jack, we were just over to your house and we did it . JACK : Ch yes, I forgot, goodbye .

T(SC-CND : RECEIVER CLICK) .

JACK : tfqn, inatla the silliest thing I've ever done . . .I was

never so embarrassed . . . . eeC of all people, had to do

it to Don Wilson . . . . He's like an elephant^tie~never

forgets ...... and even if he does forget, hets'etill

- _ like an elephant ...... Sometimes I thinkJl;^'

: DOOR OPENS) •-' =(SWND

JACK : Is that you, Rochester? RCCH : YFS SIR . . . JACK : Where were you?

SH

ATl/ 01 0020614 •a

-17-

r, ROCH: I JUST WENT OUT TO GET THE MAIL . JACK: Oh. . .is there anything importept?

HO , . . .HgRg'S '17L' IISUAL ATLL FROM Tf{NT-DOCTOR . JACK:'-W 11, he can keep sanding it, I'm stillypt'-gdrng to pe

ROCH: BUT MR. BE IS90 OLD.

JACK: n't cere, I'm not sure I'm f the mumps ye

ROCH : WEI1, THIS UJOKS IMPOR'PANT ., .TIE ENVEiQPE 3S MARKED "FROM THE CLUNfY OF LOS AH3ELES ." JACK: Hmrtrtn, let me see ......

(SOUND : ENVELOPE BEIMi RIPPED OPEN. . . PAPER RIFFLING)

JACK: (M]M1IDI-w , I96BIE)- ...... h. no :

ROCH : WHAT'S TIE ?ATTER , BOSS? . JACK:~~~ I've been celled for jury duty . Just when I'm so busy . ROCH :\SOC,YOU KNOd, MR . BENNX . . .IT'S EVaR4MW'S CIVIC IATY TO SERVE 0N A JURY OftCE IN A WAILE . JACK: But Rochester, I'm so busy . . .gosh, IWe got redio, television, end personal appearances : YEAR, I GL_35 EV3RYBODY HAS THEIR OWN. RCCH PROAIEMS. . .HgR? THEY

EXPSCT YOU '_O,GIV3 UP YOUR JOB AND IENOTE YOUR PULL TIME

TO SERVICG ON TfL JURY FOR JUST TRREE DOI.LNRS A A4Y.

JACK: Sure, it's not right that-- (TAKE) Three dollars a day .

fIDm: .

ROCH : BOSS, YOU'R: BE3INNIN} TO GET THAT CIVICLUTY LOOK IN YOUR EY-' .

CB

Ai 8 q7 00206 1 5 JACK+ You're right, Rochester-- I'm going. A citizen should r never shirk his three-- I meen duty ., .I'llsee you later .

ORCR: (GO IN3, TO JURY II1TY'fRANBITION FIISIC)

(SOUND : FOOTS72PS) JACK: Gosh, they have a lot of courts in this bttilding . . .Nov let'e see . . .where's the one I'm supposed to report to . . . . Oh, here it is-- (SOQND: DOOR OPENB) - ELYIA : Yes air, may I help you? '

JACK: Well, I think so-- I was told to report for Jury Duty .

ELVIA : Oh . . .well, they're interviewing the proepective Jurors in

the next room, .

JACK: . Oh, .then I'll go in there . . . .

ELVIA : Before you do, I'll heve to get som3 informetion from you for our records . ~ JACK: Yes me'am . . . ELVIA : Your nema? . JACK: Jack Benny : (8IAWLY) Jeck. ELVIA . . .Benny . . .Address? ' .

JACK: Three six W-six North Camden Drive

: (gL(ri7LY) Three sixty-a1x North Camden. ELVIA Drive . Your

occupetion . . .( SM LAUGHS) Silly me, imegitte asking you a ~ ~,~,question like thet . . .everyone knows you, Mr. Benny. ! JACK:IWv;Thenk you .

ELVIA : Occupation -- Bee-keeper. ~ JACK: . . .That's right . . .But I'm also a bit of ecomedien~

AT 90 1 002061 6 19-

ELYIA : Yey I know your slogan . . . "Get Your Honey, From The Men That's Funny" . JACK: That's right .

ELVIA : Now, let's get on with the queetlons ...... Your height . JACK: Five foot ten.

ELVIA : Your weight?

JACK: -~nl hundred and fifty eight pounds .

ELVIA : Color of your eyes--Oh, they're blue, aren't they?

JACK: Bluer then the thumb of a hitch-hiker in Anchorage,

Aleska .

ELVIA : Yes, I've noticed that ...... Your age? JACK: Thirty nine . ELVIA : Thirty nine?'A T¢B~t's a surprise . . .you look much younger .

JACK: Well, thank you . ~

ELVIA : I'm e bit of a comedian myself : Htamn. . JACK

ELVIA : Now, tell me, NC . Benny--heve you ever served on a jury before? JACK : No me'em . ELVIA : Have you ever been .in court before?

JACK: Yes, every month with the telephone company . . . . . But I

don't think that would disquelify~ me from being a juror .

ELVIA : No, I guess not . .Now, let - s see-r~---- ,{~ (80UND : PHONB HINC- ;. . .) ELUTAS.,dC1 Excuse rte . . .

(80L'ND: RECEIVER UP. . .) ELYIA : He11o . . .8uperior Court . CB

HT 901 002 0 617 VEOLA : Miss, I'd like soms advice . . . . How do I go about divorcing my husbend? I must get rid of him

: Well, you have to have grounds for . ELYIA divorce .

VEOLA : Grounds? ELVIA : Yes. . .Hes he desei'ted you? VEOLA : No . ELYIA : Has be feiled to support you?

VEOLA : No . ELVIA : Has be gone out with other women? ' VEOLA : ,, No . ELUTA : AHss he been cruel to you? , VEOLA : No . - ELOIA : - Well, I'm sorry msdems, but if you don't hevefeg ground"s, you can't divorce your husbend . .

VEOLA : Oh . . .(ASI ZE ) Well, I tried to do it the [11ce wey, Herman . . (SOUND : GUN3[OT) ELVIA

: I guess she doesn't need ma ertv more . . . (SOUND: RECEIVER CLICK . . : Now, getting back to you, Mr ..) ELVIA Benny, i have ell the information I need : What do I do now? . JACK ELVIA : Go41 La4hr o ahere they're intervlew'ing the prospective ,jurors and talk to the Judge : JACK: Yes ma'em. . :. (SOUND COUPLB OF' FOOTSTEPS . . .DOOR OPENS . . .CLOS9S. . . JACK: . . .5xcuse ma . . .ere you the judge?

CB

Arx 01 0 02061 e I _21-

N6LgGN: Well, who do you think I am in this long block robe,

Vampire?

JACK: N:m®...... Now look Judge, I came down here for Sury duty,

NEI80N: I know--rsise your right hend, JACK

: Whst?

NELSON : Raise your right hend . JACK: Alright--there . . .A7e you going to swear me in? NEL9GN : No, Ifust wanted to see if that old suit vould hold together . JACK: Whet?

NELSON ; You know, I've got a good,mind to send youup for contempt . JACK: Why--whet did I say? NSLSGN : Nothing, you're fuat contemptible : Now ,fust a second ., . .I cams down . hereJACK beoause I vented to

do my c'_vic duty, and you insult me . .

Benny, .You can't talk to me that way, I'm Jack

NELSON : WEid.: : : ...... you can't be e,juror on tb,is case . JACK: Why not?

NELSON : -'1WAFE~y-cese is Jack Renny versus the Telephone Company,

JACK: Oh yes . . .I remember now ., .I lost twice, so this tims I

asked f :r a ;ury trial . . .I've got nice 1ege . . . . . 8ee you

next week, Judge . . . .Goodbye .

(APPlAU SE AND 2_T 1YCr^F)

CB

arxoa,o0 2 0619 -22-

JACK : I'll be beck in just a minute to te11 9ou about mp television show which goes on inumdiatelg following this

program, but first . . . The Sweetheert of Lucky Strike . .

Miss Dorothy Collins .

JACK: I'll be beck-in just a minute to tell you about my

television show which goas on at 7 :00 this evening . .but

first . . the Sweetheart of Lucky Strike . . Miss Dorothy

Collins .

L . CB

rtrxo 1 oo2o 62 o THE AtMMICAN TOBACCC CCbIPANY LUOKY STRIltB THE JACK BENNY PRCGRAM ~ MARCH 20, 1955

(: nQMh~,`NRTA .

WILSON : Jack vill be back in just a minute, but right now, hsre's a suggestion for you . LIGkft UP TIME JIhC .IE - #1 .21 sec .

(SOUND : TIC TCC - 6 BEATS)

GRCUP : Light up a Lucky SOIA

: It's Light Up Time

GROUP : Be Happy Go Lucky SOLC : It's Light Up Time

For the taste that you like . -- Light up a Lucky Strike

GROUP : Ralax :

(HUM GLI58) SGLC &

GROUP : It's Light Op Tims .

WILSON : That's a grand idea for a pleasant Sunday evening at ho¢e --or any time at ell vhen you vent to enjoy

a really greet cigarette -)ust lean beck end light

cn a Lucky . Because every Lucky you light is sise

to give you better taste . And here's why : First,

Luckies are made of fine tobacco . Lucky Strike

mesns firm tobacco . Light, mild, natprelly good-

testing tobacco . And then, that tobacco is toeete .

"ri'5 TCASTED" is the famous Lucky Stcike process

that tones up Luckies' fine tobacco, brings it to

~_ . it's peek of flavor, makes it taste even better . Cleener, fresher, smoother . . (Mon)

BR

Ar 801 00 2 06 2 1 \k THE AhERIOAN TOBACCO COI+IPANY LUCRY STRIfO; THE JACK BENNY PRCGRAM --("' MARCH 20, . CObPg'.1955 CLOSII .RCIAL (CONP'D) WIL40N : So right now, friends, or anytime et a11 vhen it'e (COAT'D) light-up tima for you, Make it a Luokg - the best tasting oigarette you ever emoked!

LIGHT UP TIME JIN3IE - /j3 .13 sec . (SHORT CIASg) SOLO & GROUP : For the taste that you like Light up a Luckg Strike GROUP : Right Now! (HUM GLI :S) SpIA : (SP05EN :) L+_ght up a Lucky SOIp & GROUP : It's Light Up T]me

gR

ATH01 0020622 I THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY LUCIY STRIHB THE JACR BENflY PROGRAM ~ MARCH 20, 1955 CiA9ING COF1ME.RCL4L (CONP'D) (0 ONAL

LIGHP I ME JINOIS - .20 sec . GROUP : ht a Lucky

11 SOLO : It ight Up TS7Ge

GROUP : e Happy o Lucky

30I:0 : T_t I s Light TLus ror the teste t you like Light up a Lucky 3trike

GROIIP ;/ Right Now : (fi[Rd GLY89)

(AP0KEN) Light up a IA & GROUP : It's LSRht Up T1me

BR

Rrxo i 0020623 I TAG) ~ ~ -pj-

JACK: Isdies and gentleman, as I said, I1'1m going to tell you about my television show tonight ..e~.'~.~_fhi's isn't for you

peopls wbo are at homa end can ~p . it . This is for the

people who are riding in their cars . . Now this television show opens where I -- oh-oh, I see I heven't„got time . .

So stop in et-ai/Oqqpfhl house and ~ ~it .1, Goodnight, see you on television . (APPIAUSE AND 14J3IC) ,

CB

19 TYt01,_0020624 -24-

DON: The Jeck,Benny Program tonight was written by Milt

Josefsberg, John Teckeberry, Al Gordon, Hal poldmen, and

produced end transcribed by Hilliard Marks .

The JecTc ~~broi ~o you by the American

Tobacco Compeny -- Kce ' s leading vfeat uO of s,

CB

RTfS01 0020625 _22_

NENBffiYP TARYTON . .. ~, Nfl 301F Filter smokers : . True tobacco taste . . .reel filtration. .

famous TARBYPON .quality . . .they're el yours when you

smoke Filter Tip TAN..FYTON. FilterTip'TAR .~SYTON gives

you ell the full, rich teste of TANEYTON'S quality

tobacco end real filtration, too, because Fllter Tip

TANEYTON incorporates Activated Chercoel, renowned for

its unusual povers of selective filtration . Look for

the red, white and blue stripes on the package . They

idenfify Filter Tip TAR@YTON, the best in filtered

smoking .

IpN: The Jack Henny program was brought to you by the

American Tobacco Compeny . . Americe I s leading manufacturer of cigarettes .

TB

ATXO1 0020426 ,~-~--~ (J. B. R. 10 ~ktOGRAM '

(.

AMt1CAN TOBACCO COMPANY U7CRY STIQKE THE JAOK BENNY PAOGRAM JLc_ L~, ~L S- .~_~~ SUiDAY MARCH 27, 1955 CBS 4 :00 -J.~0 PM PST (TRAISCHJBID JAI3JARY 24, 1954)

CAST : Jack Benny Dellnis Day Bob Crosby Don Wilson , Rochester The Sportsmen Shirley Mitchell Veola Vonn Mel Blanc

L

MG

flTH09 0020627 I THE AWICAN TOBACCO COMPANY LDCKY STRT14; Opening : 1 .02 Closfng : 1 .37

~ MANCH 27,B19M 1955 ~~~ Total : 2 .39 OPENING COMMERCIAL .

WILSON : TIM JACK BENNY PROGRAM . . .Transcrlbed and presented by Lucky Strike, the cigarette that tastes better .

LIOHP .UP TIME JINGIS - #1 .21 sec . (SOUND : TIC T00 - 6 BEATS) GROUP : Light up a Lucky

SOIA : It ' s Light Up Time GROUP : Be Happy Go Lucky SOIA : It's Light Up Titm - For the taste that you like

Light up a Lucky Strike

GROUP : Relex : (HUM GLISS)

SOID & GROUP : It's Light Up Tims .

WIISON: This is Don Wilson, friends . You know ar~y time at

all that you went reel smoking enjoyment is the tims

to light up a Lucky . Because a Lucky tastes better

every time . A=d the reasons why are wprld famoue .

, First of all, Lucky Strike means fis42 ,tobacco . Fine,,

light, naturally good tasting tobacco . And than,

that tobacco is toasted . "TT'S TOA$TEp" is the famous Lucky Strike process that brings Luokies nayurally good-testing tobacco to its peak of flavor, tones it up to make it taste even better .

\ Cleaner, fresher, smoother . So right .ptov, or anytime

it's light up t].me for you, Be Happy -~Qq Lucky .

Enjoy Lucky Strike -- the best testang oigsrette you ever smoked!

BR s

Rrx 01 002062 e THE AtR3RI0AN TOBACCO CONIPANY LUCSY STRj{7, THE JACK BENNy PROGRAM ._G .. MARCH 27, 1955

OPENING COMVICIAL (CONT!D)

LIGh'T UP TIME JINCRi - #3 .13 sec . (SHCkT cIASE)

SOLO & GROUP : For the taste that you like Light up a Lucky Strike

GROUP : Right Now ; (RUM GLISS) SOIA : (SPOISEN) Light up e Lacky

SOIA & GROUP : It's Light Up Time

prx 01 0 0 2062 9 THE A[$RICAN T®ACCO COMPANY LWRY STRIIm ~. TMA~FtCHA27,~ PROGRAM OPLN OFBMftCIAL (CONP'D) (0I )

LIGRf UP TIME JINOIE - #2 GROIIP :

SOLO : Time GROUP : Go Luclcy

SOLO : Up Time

ste that you like

Light up e c kly Strike GROUP : / Right Now: (HUN OLIS9) SOID• (SPOAtN) Light up a,>fucky / SOIp & GROUP : It's Ligpt Up Tima ~~_ ~//

Rrx0 l., 0 02 063 0 (FIRST ROUTINE) -I-

(AFTER COMMERCIAL, MUSIC UP AND DOWii)

DON : THB-LUCfCY STRIKE PROGRAM, BTARRIIiG JACK BE'NNY . . .WITH

MARY ISVIII(}STONE, RCCHBSTgtt, DEN+US DAY, 80)i CROSBY,

THE SPORTSMEN QUARTP:1', AND "YOUF9 TRULY" DON WIISON,

(APPLAUSE . .,MUSIC UP AND DOWN)

DON: LADIES AND GEPII'III

OPENED THIS PROGRAM BY TAKING YOU OUT TO JACK BENNY'S

HQ7SE IN BEVERLY HILL4 .,,&1T TONIGHf, JUST FOR A CHANGE,

LEf'S ALL GO WT TO MR. AID MRS . BOB CROSBY'S HOUSE, ON THE IDGE OF BEVERLY HILT.S : (SINGS FSW HARS) Many times„many. BOB times, I have wanted your kiss . . (SOUD9) : DOOR OPENS) BOB: Many times, many times --

SHIRI,BYa Oh, Bob, Bob . . BOB: Yes, June? SHIRIEY : You've been in the'den here for an hour . . .what are you doing?

BOB:(yY•,Just rehearsing some son.gs dear., .I'm thinking of making

another personal appearance . SHIRJ,EY: Personal appearanoe . . .where? BOB

: Las Vegas . SAIRLP.Y: Oh Bob, I wish you wouldn't,,,You remember what

happened #40 last time we were up there . .you gambled

! every night arrl lost quite heavily .

BOB : `~k I know .

MG

Ai807 .0020631 -2-

SHIRIEY : Well, don't do it again, I miss the baby . .,But really, ~ Bob, I-m serious . I wish you wouldn't play another

personal appearance .

BOB : Well, why not, dear? .

SRIRIRy: Well, you ' re so busy . . .you ' re or Mr . Benny's show every week. . .you play benefits . . .you make records, and you have your own T .V. show five days a veek ., .You're never bome

ar_v more .

BOB : Oh, June, you're exaggeratirg, (S=D : DOOR 0PE[IS) HARRY : Oh, Mother,,, .Mother? SHIRLEY: Yes, dear?

, HARRY : Ca: I go to the park and play ball? .

SffiRITiY : Ce :1,ainly, RARRY: Okay, I'11 be back in time for dinner . . .Say, Mom? SHIBLIdv: Yes, dear? RARRY : WhVs this guy, the plumber? SHlRI2'_' : . . .>;'s your father . . BOB: certainly, I'm your father, don't you recognite me, ;hris? .

RARRY: I-m 3teve .

BOB: dh,

SHIRtR?: You =un along, Steve . . . . ard be home in time for dinner . HARRY : I vi:l, goodbye, Mother,, .goodbye,,,,DTad?.. BOB : 3ood :.ye, goodbye : DOGR. (SGUPID CIASES)

MG

RrifO9 0020632 BOB : Gosh, l)e1'~s .,~grown, Honey, I could have sworn he was Chris . .~k~$hu knov, June, I've been thinking about what you sa1d,I.,I~~7hink~I'm going to forget about personal appearances, arxl spend more time at home .

SHIRhEY: Oh, Bob I wish you would . BOB : I will, and not only that . . .I think .,, why don't we have a dinner party here at home like we used to . SHINIEY: Ch, that would be won9erful .,,How about next Saturday night?

BOB: That'a fine . . .]HM invite=AM650ei the boys in my band A - and their wivesr,,And you know what, June . . .I think we ought to invite Jack Benny, too .

SHIRI~,hR : You do?

BOB :/~-i,, Celainly, SHIRLEY: ;,~ut he's such an important man, ard he's .so busy . . .you . . .you can't call 40 and invite him to dinner on such ahort notice .

BOB: Well, I'm going to try, anyway .

(SOUND : COUPLE FOOTSTEPS, . .RPY)EIVF.ii UP, ., DIALLING SIX NUMBF.RS., .BUZZIId3 SOUAID)

SHIRLEY : Bob, I think you're making a big mistaker(SOUPID : BUZZ OF PHONE) BOB: Don't ,w roy, June, . .IPve Got an idea. ., (SOUND : BUZZ) BCBa-P,We'11 change the date of our dinner to fit Jack's convenience .

(SOUND : BUZZ . . . CIdCK OF PHCHE) JACK : Hellc . MG

PiTK01 . 0020633 -4-

BOB: Hello, Jack, thle is Bob Crosby . JACK: Oh, hello, Bob . BOB : Say,,Jack . . .June and I would like to inviteyou to our house for dinner . . .ard, well . . .when would it be possible , for you to come? JACK : Oh, seven o'clock, seven-fifteen, seven-thlrty . . .In fact, I>vW -- I cah be over riKht now . .-

BOB: Well . . .we weren ' t ttdnkin6 of tonight . . .we were thinking o^ some night this week . . . .which would be the most

convenient?

JACK ; Oft Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday -- BOB: Wel~, you skipped Thursday . JACK : Oh,\JI baby sit that night . BOB: Oh. JACK: I used to do it for you, but you lost your .kid in Las Veges . BOB : I know, I know . . .But Jack, how about coming over for dinner Satuiday nibht . ~

JACK: Ct Ob, fine, Bobt ard afternner we can have some f un . .}7 - play gin . . .or Scrabble.

BOB : C k vo thank you, Jack . . . . I ' ll never play Scrabble with you

a5ain after last Surday ' s geme ., .You ' re too tricky for me

. . .I don - t know how in the world you do it .

JACK ; Do what?

BOB : Well, there are only two "Y - s" in the game.and yet you

made the word "Money" eleven times . .

MG

arxo 1 002 0 63 4 -5-

we'll .So long, JACK: Well, all right, play something e1se . . see you Saturday .

BOB: So long, Jack .

JACK: Goodbye, Bob .

(SOUND : AEC Hrm DC/rM) JACK: Gee, it was nice of Bob to invite me overto his house for dinner . . .He's always doing things likethat . .havinB people over for dinner . . .taking them out to night clubs . . . having parties . . . he'e so generous . . he ought to see a psychiatrist . . .Well, when Roohesteroomea home from shopping, I better tell him I won't be heme for dinner

Saturday night . . .Gee, be's been at that m6rket a long time . (SWND: DGGR H7ZZEli)

JACK ; C OMING. . .COMIhG .

(SCUPID : FY1(NPSTEPS . . .DGGR CPEiB)

JACK: Oh, hello, Dennis . DENNIS : Hello, Mr . Benny . JAO:C: Come on in.

DENNIS : Thanks .

(SWPID : DOOR CLGSFS)

JACK : I wasn't expectin6 you today . .Dennis . . . anything wrong?

DENNIS : No, I,iust wanted to ask you a favor . . .oould you le :d mee ten dollars? JACK : Ten dollars? Yes, I . .I guess so . . .what do you want it for? DENiSS : I want to get myself tattooed . JACK: Tattooed? Why?

I(f

Rrx01 002 0635 -6-

DENNIS : Well, I was in the Navy during the war ard l et nobody will

believe I was a sailor .

JACK: Oh. . .Well, what are .qou going to have tattooed on you? DENNIS : My uniform,

JACK: Well, that's^the silliest---- Look, kid, if you want

somethiny, tattooed on you to show that you v9re in the

Navy, why don't you .have a life preserver -- or an anchor

. . .or wait a minute, how about the Battleship Missouri?

DENNIS : :`o, my mother has that, JACK: Your mother has a battleship tattooed on her? DENNIS : When she wears a corset, it looks like St'ssinking. JACK : AIMt: . .Say,wait a minute, kid, I've got a good idea . . . why don't you do what I did when I was in the Navy . .,have the American flag put on ynur axm, DENNIS : Gee, I didn't know you had the American flay on you .

JACK : YeBi..I had it done the first day I joined the Navy . .,Wait,

I'll roll up my sleeve and show it to you . . . . See? DENNIS : Gee, only thirteen stars, JACK

: Yes, Dennis, only thirteen stars . . .but not for the reason

you think,,,I made the man stop because he .vas hurting me . DENNIS : Tcen why did he put them in a circle? JACK

: Dennis, I don't want to got into any more discussions with

you ., .Now I'll make you a proposition : Yeah, what? . DENNIS

JACK: If I lerd you the ten dollars, will you let me hear the sono you're going to do on next Surday's program and leave immediately . . `"

RT

RTY{D9.~ 0020636 1 qw

-7-

DENNIS : Yes sir, JACKt Okay,, .here's the ten dollars .

(APPLRUSB) .(DENN(S'S SOPXi -- "AIMOST LII~' BEIIVG IN LOVE")

'(APPIAUSS)

RT

RfXOi 002063? ( SECOPm ROUTINE) JACK3~-~~L should 8 ~swell on

the programrt .noa .go get yo~iu's f tattooea .

DENNIS : Okay . .$W, Mr . Benn y , you know what I think I'll do? . . .

I'11 have them tattoo a --

JACK : Dennis,~, you promised me if I lent you the ten dollars, you wouldn't say anything . You'd just go . DENNIS : Yes, sir . JACK : Okay then, go . DENNIS : A11 right . . . . . goodbye : Goodbye . . JACK (SOUND : DOOR OPENS & CLOSES) JACK : That Dennis getstillier and sillier every day . . .I don't know how I've stood him all these years . .But it's my own

fault . .I should have known rwhen I first @aa him there was something wrong with him . . .what other man wears a size three hat. . .I don't know . .Sometimea,I thlnk --

ROCH : (OFF) MH . BENNY, I'M 9ACK F`tiOM THE MAAIM . JACK : Good . ROCH: I'M IN THE KIRCHEN PUPTING TAE THINGS AWAY . JACK: I'll come in and help you : COUPLE FOOTSTEPS). ~ (BOUND JACK : Hey, what took you so long, Rochester? ROCH: 4lELd., I HAD A IOT OF THINGS TO DO . . .YOU-1CNOW, I TOOK ALL

OF THE HAPIDURGER OUT OF THE F'REEZ'ER, SOIP-IT AND BOUGHP

THIRTY-SIX QUARTS OF MILK .

JACK : Nt1 did you do that? ROCH : BEEF WENP UP, MIIH NENf DONN . I'M PIAYING TAg MfRKEf .

RT

8 T}f0 1 002063 9 ~ -9-

JACK : Say, Rocheater . .vhat's this? ROCH ; A I@AI) OF LEfTUCE : Hov can this be lettuce,. JACK it's pure vhite . ROCH: THE FAD IS OVER, TH&Y'RE Tt1(ING CHIAROPHYLL OUT OF EJFliYTHING : Oh. . JACK

ROCH: BY THE WAY, 68t . BENNY, ARE YOU GOING OUT TONIGHP?

JACK : No, I think I'll stay home and practice my violin .

ROCH: YOUR VIOIIN? OH BOSS, COME NOW! JACK: All right, all right . . .I'11 vait till you .get out of the house . . .Meanvhile I'm going in the den and read for avhile ROCH: OKAY . . (SOUND : FOOT81'EPS . .DOOR OPENS & CIASFS)

JACK: Gee, I haven't read a book~ in a long t1me . . .Let's see

vhat's here. . .Bay, here's 4ws I haven't read . . .

"One Hundred Famous Poems" . . .Gee, I haven't read

poetr y in a long time . .I think I'11 read this .

(SOUND : BOOK TAKEN FROM SHELF . .COUPLE FOOTSTEPS . .

MAN SI4TING IN CHAL2) JACK

: Nov let's see . . .Gee, they have some vonderful poems in

this book . .kVft Charge of the LightBrigade" . . .

"Hiavatha ...... TheWreck of the Hesoerus" . . ."Gunga Din" . . "There Was An Old Lad.y From--" voops, somebody pencilled

that in . .,Oh, here's one of my favorite poems, qM I

heven't read it in years . .''The Shooting of Dan MeGrev" . . .

I think I'll read that . .'"The Shooting of Dan McOrev"

by Robert W . Service . (MUSIC) RT

RiYt01, 0020639 -10-

JACK : (FILTFR) (WESTII2N) _

A BUNCH OF THE BOYS WffiiE HfBOCPING S2 UP IN THE MAIAMVPE SALGCN

THE KID THAT HATmLES THE MUSIC BOX

WAS HPPTING A JAG TIME TUNE

SONG FOR FLM BARS. (TINNY PIANG PiAYS SAIAGN Affi) FADES OUT) JACK: (RF7G. MIRE) (HSSTFRN) Hey Bartender . .,bartender . . .

(SGSIPm : SLAPPING ON BAR)

JACK : RARTEPIDII2 : Yeah . : M6L

JACK : Ah vant a drink of whiskey . MEL: Ckay . . .hov much whiskey do you want? JACK : About three fingers : Here you are . . MEL .

(°ONfID : POURING) JACK: Ahh, gimme another drink : How much this time? JACK . MEL

: Oh, about four fingers .

MEL : Okay . (SOUND : IITTLE IpNGFR PCURING) MEL: There you are . .fQUr fingers of vhiskey . JACK: Ahhtilihh . MEL: You knou, Mister, you're the first man I ever saw drink out of a glove . . .

Jf.CK: I always do . I'm the only man in Alaskathat# got a hangnail with a hangover . . .Doggone . .I've'6een trapped in this saloon for eight days by that darnQdblizzard ., . How much longer do you think it will last?

RT

RTif03 :0020640 MEL : I don't knoa . JACK: Well, I'm gonna take a look outside and see hov the weather is . (SOUND : EIGHP HEAVY FOOTSTEPS . .DOOR OPENS AND WE HEPR THg DAtR]F'SP STORM WITH WINDS IAWLIt1G

I.IK4 CRAZY . .ON CUE, THE DOOR CI OSES AND

SOUND OUT . .EIGHC HEAVY FOOTSTEPS BACK) MEL : Hov is it outside? JACK : Cloudy . . .Look, Bartender, being stuck in a place like this for eight days can drive a guy nuts . . .P40 got to have a little excitement . . .XW Fell you vhat . . .I'11 bet you five dollars I can shoot those three glasses off the top shelf in three shots . .

MEL: Five dollars says you can't : It's a bet . . .Stand back, everybody. JACK . (SOUPm : SHCT. .GIASS CRASH) _ JACK : There's one . (SOUfIIID : SHO'i . .GL45S CRASH)

JACK: There's two. ( SOiHID : SHOT) :SEL : (PAUSE) You lost . JACK: No, I didn't .

hiEG : I've got twenty dollars more that says you did .

JACK: It'e a bet

. (SOUCID : aLASS CRASH) JACK : That slov bullet has made me a fortune ., ;Anybody else want to bet? (EAGSY STARTS SAME SONG ON TINNY PIANO) RT

Ar 80 . 1 00 206 e 1 ∎

JACK : Hey, you at the piano .

(BAOBY STOPS) JACK : Don't you knov any .other music? MEL : Nah, he's iggerant . . .But those fur--four !'urtrappers in the corner . . : You must've had. JACK five fingers yourself . IM : I say, those four fur trappers in the corUer . . .they can eing some songs . .

JACK : Well, let's hear some . , MEL: Okay . . .take it, felloxs .

RT

H7YfO.1 . .0020442 «

( IMG) QUART ; ALOUETTE GENTLE AIAUEM'A AIAUElTE JEP'Y PIAMNRAIS

ALOUETTE LIGHP A CIGAREPTA LUC16C STRI

KE

JE SAIS TRES BON JO'LE JEP'Y PLJJMffiiAIS LE TEP

LIGHT A IJJCNY, ALOUETTE JEP'Y PLim¢RAIS LA TEP

LIGHC A LUCHSC, ALOUETTE

AIAU87.'TER ALOUECP$, CIGARETTE, CIGAREfTE AHNR

ALOUEiTE PUFF FER CIGf

.R%'7TA MADE OF FINE TODAQOO OCH L4 LA

ALOUETTE GF3flLE AIAUEPTA .

WROTE A IY'1TFR TO HE}t DEAR PAPA

I ERE IS WNAT ZE LEZ'PFIi SAY "SE

ND MORE UJCKIES RIGHT AWAY" SONAMAGUN BUT ESKIMO

ZAY SMOKE UJCRIES TOO, YOU KNOW ESiCUAO, ESKIMO, SMOKE YOU ENOW, SMOKE YOU RNOW . AWTTE ALOUEITE, CIGARETTE CIGAREP:E ZAY ALL LIICE, ZEY ALL LL(E IUCICY STRIKE, LUCEY STRII{n' . .AHIIX . . . AIAUE`TE PUFF HEI CIGARELTE SHE IS JUST AS HAPFf AS CAN BE

WITH HER LUCEIES, MADE OF FINE TOBP .CCO

L°MF, L4M1iFT LIVING MID ZE ICE AND SNOH

WE'RE SO VffitY GLAD TO ENOW RT (MORE)

At'6i01, 002Q643 I QUART : SHE'S AS .HAPPY AS CAN BE WITH AN ISMF`P, S¢'P, NFT WE AGREE, WE AGtiEE

ESKII40, E9KIM0, SMOKE YOU KNOW, SMOKE YOU IINOW . AUJUEP7.'E, ALAUEfTE, CIGARETPE, CIOAHEMB,

THEY ALL LIKE, THEY ALL LIKE

LUCEY STRIKE, LUCKY STRIKE . . .AHHH . .

BSlJUEfTE, PUFF HER CIGAHEPTA

THROUGN ZE LONG AND LONESOME ARCTIC NIGHPS IN THE NORTH SO MANY LIGHP UP IACKLES . .. THATIS WHAT MAKE ZE NORTHFRN LIGHCS . (APPIAUS"n,)

HT}f01 0020644 1 (TNIRD RoiII'ING) -15-

MEL : Well, hov did you like the song? ( JPGK : That sras c'est si good .

MEL : Hey look, Mister . .the blizzard is letting up. JACK : Yeah . .Well,•I think I'11 get going . .Where's piy pardner . . . H6Y, WIIHON . .WIL40N .

DON : (COMIN3 IN) Here I em. JACK: Come on, we're going up North to find gold . .gold, do you heer me, gold . . . DON : ('T~'RY DRAMATIC) Just a minute, pardner . Don't risk your life out there in these icy vestes looking for,gold . .vhat is gold? Can't eat It? Can you drink it? Gold is only money, and money vill only bring you unhappipess, misery ar8 sorrow : (1A0K5 AT ALIDIIESILT. JACK :) Would you mind repeatitlg thet? DON : Morny vill only bring you unhappiness, misery and sorrpv . JACK : This boy is not only fat but he's stupid . . .Row come on, le:'s get the dogs reedy and the sled . . .ve're going . (80Ufm : DOOR OPENS . .WI1m ALID STORM NOISF4 4P AND DOdN)

(MUSIC)

SE

ATM 010020l45 - 16

JAOK : (FIL'4Yi) WERE YOU EVER OUT IN THE GHEAT ALONg,

WHEN TH6 MOON WAS AWFUL CIEAR ANI) 27E ICY MOUNTAINS AFIIMFA YOU INWITH A SIIIIiCE YOU COUITJ IZA4

.

WITH ONLY Tf 2 HfAn7. 0F ATIIMB IIi WOIF "

. AND YOU CAI+ PND THERE IN THE COID ,

A HAIF llBAB THING IN A S'i'AHK IEPD WOHLD,

CIBAN MAD FOR THE MUCK CALIED GOLD .

: WIND AND STORM NOISES FOIZO4EP' (SOUND BYDOG SIED NOISES . .SIED GOING . .DOG EARI@70 . .WHIP CHAGKIlX3 . .SOUND6 oUT . .BVi SLSTAIN SLED & WIPID IN B.G : (REG . MIlSE) We're going mightrslow~y,~.) JACK ed t'.B all your fault,

74FIVAlR- .I took you on as a perdner because I'pas a greenhorn

. . .You told me you knew everything about the X ukon . . .You.

told me you knew .how to .handle these dog tesms and sleds .

DON : Of course 1 do . . .whet makes you think I don!t? JACK : Wel1 . . .I have a feeling the doas should be pulling the sled end we should be riding . . .I'm sure of it . (SOUfm : TERHIFIC CRACK OF WHIP) ,

;ACK: And that cocker spaniel with the whip is :purQar . . AliQ dog yells "Mush" at me once more, there's goilne be trouble .'"'J

DON : Gee, I cen ' t stend this no more . .Three weeks we been . travelling through thsse frozen wastes . .I vi@h

JACK :f~ ~te9 look ; 1 ~ a men . . . an Eskimo

talk : ~~ O,aC, Yeah, I'11 go"and to+'him . . ?ON

Sa

flrx01 00 20646 -17-

JACK : *Won't do eny good, these Eskimos don't talk any Englieh . DON : I know, but I talk Eskimo . . .I'11 say hello to him . . .

Hey Comoari

: That's Eskimo?. JAOK DON : Look, he's eoming toward us . .end he's carrying food . JACK : Yeah . . .meybe he'll give us some, Blubber ., .I .mean maybe he'll give us some blubber, . .Hey, he wants to talk to us . BOB : Oooogie ooogie wea wee meggehoo magg&e, JACK : What did he say, what did he say? DON : He seysW his name is , . .he's a Mighty Htmter and he's Chief of an Eskimo tribe : Oh . . .Ask him if he'll be . JACK our guide and l .ead,ue to the gold . DDN: Moogle mowgli unge takarre igloo . Msraboo qogie glub naggi kooch teega? JACK : Three of my writers must come from Pismo Beach, or something .

B OB : Nuggi nuggi tehken .

DON : He says he can't be our guide, he' sqs'go something else to do . 1 JACK : Ask him what ~J? DON : Oogie toole naggerra?

BOB : Takke loogi moogie papoose nunga was was .

JACK : Ylhat did he say? .,.-~ DON : He's gotte go to Les Vegas !6 piok up his kid .

JACK: . Oh. . .Nell, let's go on by ourselves . . . Goodbye, Eskimo .

BCB : Goodbye, and don't forget dinner Saturday night .

JACK : I won't . . . Come on, let's go .

(SOIIfID : SNAP OF WHIP)

MCsL: (BARKS TWICE) MI$H .

SE

RrxO I 00 2 0 647 JACK: I'm nullSna it . I'm Du17.in¢ it . . .

(SOUND : WIND, DOGS, SIED G0IN3) JACK : WAIT A MINUPE, WIL40N . .IOOK . .IAOIC AT THE 81M-OF THAT MOUNR'AIN. . .WE'VS FOUND IT . . A VEIN OF PLIltS OoIp . . DO YOU F'_.FH ME, WIL40N . .LOOK AT IT . . .PURE GOID . ; . . . . . Come on,.OH BOY, AM IUNHAPPY, MISERABIS ANO SOHHY Wilson, l.et's dig that gold and go back to the seloon . (SOUND : WIN1) AND STOBM UP AND DOWN) JACK : (FIL`PLR) BACK OF THB BAR, IN A SOID GAME SAT DANMOUS DAN McORLW AND WATCHIIIG HIS LUCK WAS HIS LIGHT-O-IpvE

T'HE LADY THNT ' S KNGdN AS LOU . .

WHEN OUT OF THE NIGHP WHICH WAS FIFTY BBIAW

AND INTO THE DIN ANI) GLARE

THEftE STUABiED A MI NE R FRESH FROMl4'IiE CBMENS DCG DINTY AND LOADED FOR BEA,R . .

(SOUND : SLPPPING ON BAR TWICE) JACK: ~~i^.G . MIIQi) Okay, Bartender . .I've struck it rich . .Set up drinks for everybody . VEOLf+ : Dces that~inc~lude me, Hendsome?

JACK: AINVORWOUdWROM_ does, Lou . I came right back here after

_r f-rWing the gold just to aee you . VEOLA : Well, the minute I heard you ves coming, I hurried homs and got into this neW dress : YcuiOW must have been in . JACK a hurry . . .you .didn't get ell

the way into it . . .But Lou, I ~ft got presents for you now

that I'm rich . .I've got diamonds and ermi nefuxo, jeeels,

. and a yacht for you .

SE

arxo~ ooz0sae -19-

VEOLA : Oh, derling .,es me,

47MUMMMINWv (VSOLA & JACK GO INTO A RICE LONG KI88]3V0 CLINCH) . JACK: . . .Hell, after that kiss I won't need my dogs or my sled anymore .

VEOLA : Why not?

JACK : There ain't no more snow between hsre and the North Pole . . . Gimme,another kiss, Lou . VEOLh : Surs,~~I'I~l~i~'-oh, vait a minute, be cereful . .here comes Dargerous Dan MoGrev . (M0.5ICAL 3TAIGER) IENNIS : Lou, come here e minute : Yes, Dan . . V50LR .. ]8NNI3 : Didn't I aee you kissing this stranger a minute ego?

JACK : Yes, you did,, .hey, he does sound dangerous .,yWhet about it?

TBNNIS : Do you know what I do to guys I catch kissing1my gal?

JACK : Whet?

DENNIB : I cut off their beads end hang them up by their hair : Oh. .JAOK

18NNIS : I'll have to think of something different for .you : Oh, I ein't scered .,Now listen to me, Dan MoOrew, . JACK Lou is . my gal and I'm teking .her with me : Oh no, you're not, . .drav your gun. DENNIS.

V&OLA : (PRIGHI'ENED) Don't, .don't fight, boys, please .

JACK: Get out of the way, Lou . . .I'm ready, Dan.

SE

19 TiiO7 0020649 -20-

JACK: .(FILTER) TNBN I REACHED FOR MY ROD APII) THE YSGNTS WENT OUP, ANO TWO 6WNS BLpZ6D IN THE DARK . (SO ~TWO SNOPS) JACK : (FILTER) Am YA WOMAN SCREANIF•D

AND THE LIGHTS WENT IIP

AND TWO MEN LAY STIFF ANO STARK,

MEL : 441oye, Stiff . IHiNNIS : (STRAIGkfP VOICE) So long, Stark . JACK : (FIL'CfsR) PITCIED ON ffiS F1GAD AND PLAIPF.D Fllld. OF IEAD WAS DAN()E.ROUS DAN tACOFa'sW

WHIIE Tf[E MAN FROM THE OR7.9L5

L4Y CLUfCkRD IN THE ARM4

OF TN6 LADY THAT I S KNOdN AS LOU : (APPLAUSE & PLAYOFF)

BE

arx 01 . 0020 e 50 I dACR : Ladies and gentlemen, tonight through careleeeneee

a fire could start - a fire thet could claim your

life and the lives of your children . Don ' t let

It happenl Be on guard constantly ageinet fire .

Make sure every metoh . . .every cigarette . . .la put

out . Alweys check the ashtraye before leaving the

house or retiring for the night . Obeerve all fire

regulations . Romonber . . .only Lou can prevent fire .

Thank you,

(AYPLAUSR)

DON : Saok will be bsck in j ust a minute, but right now,

heru ' e a suggestion fer youe

(tT'FSq 1 ODi?0651 A-. THE AMERICAN T OBACCO COMPANY LUCKY STA TRE JACK B PROGRAM MARCH 27, 1955

claslx3 CoMME RCIAt

WII.40N : Jack will be baok in just a minute, but right now,

here's a suggestion for you.

LIGHPUP TIME JINGfB - #1 .21 Sec . (SOUND : TIC T00 - 6 BNATS) GROUP : Light up a Lucky

50L0 : It's Light Up Tims

GROUP : Be Happy Go Lucky

SOIA : It's Light Up Time

For the taste that you like

Light up a Lucky Strike GROUP : Relex : (HUM GLISS )

SOLO & GROUP : It's Light Up TLn

: That's a grand idea,e WIISON friends -- )ust laan beok and

light up e Lucky. Because every Luoky,you light is

sure to give you better taste . And her e's why :

First, Luckiesare made of fine tobeoco . IS/MFT,

Lucky Strike me6ns fine tobacco . Light, mild,

naturally good-tasting tobacco . And then, that

tobacco is toasted . 1T'S TOASTED 1s the famous

Lucky Strike process that tones up Luokies'

naturally good-testing tobacco, bringiag it to its

peak of flavor, so that it tastes even better.

Cleaner, flesh9r, amoother . So, frionds, enytime

itig --o..{,r_._ ii ,_.p time_ Be Happy - R~ Lunkv! Make voux'

cigarette - bet ter-tast Lucky Strike :

00 0 Arxoi 2 552 1 /. THE At.&.'RICAN TOBACCO COMPANY . LLONY STRIIQ's THE JACK HBNNY PROGRAM -/~ MARCH 27, 1955 C7n4rrr: r,MmnnrstrTkL ( .ONP'D)

LIGHT IIP TIME JINGIE - //3 .1) sec . (SHORT CIq9E)

SOLO & GROUP : For the taste that you like Light up a Lucky Strike

GROUP : Right Now!

(HUM GLISS)

3010 (3P0REN) Light up a Lucky

SOLO & GROUP : It's Light Up Time

BR

19 i7t01 00206 53 ~ ' THg A1+BRICAN TOBACCO COHIPANY .. LUCKY 3TRI$R TN6 JACK BENNY PROGRAM ~ MARCH 27, 1955

owslra CoMMERCrAL (GONT ' n) (oPTIONAL) LIGRT UP TIF1E JINGIS - #2 GROUP :

SOLO :

GROUP :

SOLO : the taste r~ Light up a Lucky

Right Now: (HUM GLISS)

BR

arxo 1 oo 2 o 6 5 4 ~-__ - -23-

(TAG)

~~JACK : We're a little late, so goodnight Sol$e .(APPIAUSE AND NGSIC)

DON : The Jack Benny Program vas written byS@m .Perrin,

bfilt Josefsberg, George Baiser, John TaOkaberry,

Hal Goldman, Al pordon, and produced snd

transcribed by Hilliard Marks .

L JG

prxot 00 2 0655 1 -24- HERBENT TAREYTON HR 3GZP

Filter smokers! Here's the true tobacco taste

you ' ve been looking for . Filter Tip 7%REYTON

gives you all the full, rich flavor ofTAHEYTON t S

famous quality tqbacco . . .and real filtration, too :

Filter Tip TAREYTON incorpostes Activated

powers Charcoal, renowned for its unusual of 4

selective filtration and used far and wide to

pirify the air we breathe, the water and beverages we drink . Look for the red, vhite

and blue stripes on the package . They identify

Filter Tip TARS M ON, the beet in filtered smoking.

The Jack Benny Program flas brought to you by

the American Tobacco Company . . . . . America's

leading manufacturers of cigarettes .

JG

fiTKO9 00206 56