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Jack Benny Program 1955 Jan-Mar.Pdf 6i,rozoo 1 ox .tt (PRO(3RAM #15 REVISED SCRIPT AMERICAN TOBACCO CCMPANY(~-O . LUCKY STRIKE 77Q JACK BENNY PRCGRAM SUNA4Y JANC,ARY 2 1955 CBS 4•oo - 4 :30 PM PST (Transcribed - Oct . 22, 1954) CAST : Jeck Benny Rochester iBnnis Dey Bob Crosby Don Wilson Sportstren Quartet Cherlie Begby Joe Besser Bee Bensdaret 1491 Blsnc Artie Auerback Jinvny Baird Jeanette Eymann RM Rrxo 1 oo 2 o 3 oo I ..,---- - THE AMERICAN TOBACCO COMPANY -A- JANUARYC2,B1955 PROGRAM" i'r~9 QfIIi •INf~~ WI[BON : TF E JACK BBMRY PROGRAM . transcribed and presented by Lucky Strike, the cigarette that's toasted y4 taste petter! (TRANSCRIBED : "If you went better taste from your cig-a-mette, CALYPSO VERSION OF Lucky 3trike. is the brand to get! 50H0-3? SDO .) IT'S TOASTID to give you the best taste yet, It's the toasted (CIAP . CLf+P, CLAP) oig-e-rette . They take rj= tobacco, it's light tobacco, it's p Ud_ tobacco, too, Then IT'S TOASTID, yes, IT'S TOASTED, because the toasting brings the flavor right through . So, to get better taste from your cig-a-rette, Lucky Strike is the brand to get! IT'S TOASTED to give you the best teste yet, It's the toasted (CLAP . CLAP, CLAP) cig-a-rette!" WILSON : This is Don Wilson, friends . Dorothy Collins -- The Sweetheart of Lucky Strike -- just gave you the key to deep-down smoking enjoyment . $et ert taste . And that's vrhere a Lucky really clicksl A Lucky tastes better because IS/MNT -- Lucky Strike means fine tobacco . fine, light, naturally good-tasting tobacco . (MORE) 6 rx 01 00 2 0 3 0 1 'NE AMERICAN TOBACCO C06ffANY -B- 'TAE JACK BNNNY PROGRAM" ;,19 JANUARY 2, I955 OPINIIi6 COMh1ERRCIAL (CONTINOID) WIL40N : And then, that tobacco is y4@,gygQ. IT'S TOASTED -- (CONT'D .) the famous Lucky 3trike process -- brings a Lucky's fine tobacco to its peak of flavor . tones up a Tucky's naturally good-tasting tobacco to make it taste even better . cleaner, fresher, smoother . So, pick up a carton of better-tasting Lucky Strike . I know you'll $g jaDpy . if YOU Qg Luckvl RN RTYS09 0020302 -1- (AFTER CCNAQ';RCIAL, ORCIN:STRA HPPS CPENING THFME, ABOUT gIX OR EI BARS, THIN JACK BREAKS IN .) JA , ftold it, Bob . Hold it, hold it~ (MUSIC STOPS) is BOB : )rk,(,What it, Jack? JACK : Bob, it's almost air time . Can't you do something about 7 ~. the ~ BCB : A~Qk,What's wrong with 'em? //' wc-1, . ~/ JACK: What's wrong with 'em~ . .Bagby a playing the piano lying down . Bridwell is blowing confetti through his clarinet . .end look at Sammy the drummer, weaving around up there . .If he doesn't fall off that stand before the show is over, I'll eat my hat . BOB : Well,'Jack,'you didn't expect the boys to oome in sober this soon after Now Years Eve, did you? JACK : Bcb . .I don't expect them to come in sober after Ground Hog dey . .But this is ridiculous . .Look at them . .I I on y o eeanLt ve a red h~s~ is BCB• Yeah, he's a cream de mint men . JACK: I don't care what he isj . .We'rstarting a New Year, Bob, and I want you to tell -baikbW those new rules we . discussed . BCB : Ncw ? JACK : Yen_ .CA I if~Bab,~ll 'em. BOB :ff.-ep, Ckay :' (SOUND : RAPPING OF BATON) RM flTX01 0020303 1 '/~ ~j -~2- BOB : (UP) A'ITENTION, FELTAWS . ATTENTION . .WE'RE STARTING A NEW YEAR AND WE'LL ALL GEP AIAN6 BEPfER IF "' (SOUND : BIG CRASH OF DRUMS AND CYFffiALS. FALLING)n JACK : I IINEW IT 404EMPW. .I RNLEYf HE'D FALL OFF : . HelpiM* up . :N~„ ahe~d wltsh thKCe rules,~Bob.I 02 . BOB : 0 ON FELLOWS, I 'M°".~ YOUd^ALL ' ANT m .Y. ~ 0 'lW STAND, SO LISTIN CA ONE . • IYtRING THE COMING YENR YOU WILL AIY BE REQUIRED TO A1•l'IQD EACH AND EVERY REHEARSA L . AND NO FKCUSE WILL BE ACCEPTED UNLESS IT IS SIGNED BY EITHGR YOUR DOCTOR OR YOUR WARDEN . JACK : That's telling 'em . BOB : RULE NUMBER TWO . .FROM NOW ON, WHEN I LIFT MY BATON, THAT'S THE SIGNAL FOR YOU TO START PLAYING, NOT DRINKING . BAND : (IAUD BOOS . .BOO . B000) JACK : (I 1ew het one would go over big) _~ . BOB : _ NOW ~~ORE W~F~O ON THE AIR, I KNOWAZYOU WANT TO ~-, 'AITRy, SO IF ANY OF YOU HAPPEN TO BE IN PCS3E8SION OF A BOTTLE OF SPIRITS, I w4R~RnLI E-YJOU TO ~-~ --• TNRCW IT IN THIS WASTIDASY,El' . ALL RIGHI'A LEPrS GET ST-4FPF'~ . - (SOUND: BOTTLES START FALLING IT1T0 BASKEP ONE AT AT TIME. .TFEN A CASCADE OF THEbI . .TI$V PAUSE . .AND A COUPLE MORE ARE DROPPED IN) RM 80 1 00 2 0804 Rr 1 -3- JACK : WsrIL, RNriIIZY DROPPED NIS IN, WHO'S NID[T? . How about -- DON : Rey Jack, come on,wiil you, come on . JACK : Don, let go of my ann . DON : But we're going on the air irvfi few minutes . JACK : So we're going on the a1r . .wVbat are you so excited about? You've beeq ~umpy all afternoon . DON : (GROM.PY) it's tha4diet my doctor~1gave me . .I'm not allowed candy, cake, pie, potatoes . .,~lean't eat anything I 1:JCe and it's making a nervous wreck out of me . JACK : Gee, that's svful . .vhen did you go on this diet? DON : I start tcaorrov . ~ JACK : Well, Don . .if St bothers you so much before yove m even started, maybe, you'd better forget about it . DON : I cee't . I made a New Years resolution to lose a hundred pounds thie year . JACK : Row much? DON : A tundred pounds . JACK : Don . .Don . .I've known you for twenty-three years and the on17 time a hundred pounds ever left your body was when you :r.d your tonsils removed . .Remember, they weighed fifty Jounds each . N : 1U vYeat, w soon as I ceme to, I had to get off the table so 3ar could 11e down . ne minute till air time, Jack . JACK : Oica7, vnere are the scripts, Don? DON : I heven't tot 'em . ~ JACK : Well, where are they? We're going on the air : BR arxo I oo 2 o 3 o 5 -4- _L -_ __k , BCB : \Re1ax, Jack . .here oomes the clerk from the mimeograph department, he's got 'em . JACK : Well, it's about time . Say fellow why am you always bringing in the scripts at the last minute? BESSER : Because I'm busv. I'm busv . JACK: But you bad plenty of time . 8C3SER : Plenty of time, he eays . .It's not that easy . I M gotta type the~~e~c_ri~pt, make a stencil, ink the machine, put the paper in~ ~u :rn the handle . .I have to do everything m eif t re' n orRanization, nothing is o~nized . C JACK: ~ alsce i~j ....-.~.Q . .- e-...-"> BESSER : Everything t a rush ,j6b, first they.,.c..q!me ~wit.h.[-V1,Ihs.~AeCm~os and a Andy script, then Our 1Y Bmoly{'p, then JolI oftem g then your lousy script . JACK : What? BESSER :^Then Bing Crosby. BESSER : -- I told you -- them's no organization . JACK : Look, I'm going on the air in a minute and I can't be bothered with your problems, so go already : I'm going, I'm going . BE4SER JACK : Goodbye . -~ ~ BESSER : Coodb e. .~.-rye' B~vtfdTe so exceable~ .~-- .~-• •,~ (SCCND : DOOR CIqSES) JACK : iYC . .Now everybody hoilers at me . before Christmas -• they're all such angeis . .SOmetimes I' think--- BH 0020306 ATDftl7 I -5- DON : Oh-oh, Jack, we should be on the air now . .ve're five seconds late . JACK : But we can't be . .the producer is supposed to give me the signal . Whera ls he? Why isn't he in the booth? . There's no oraanization . DON : ~~A 6~,There he comes now, Jack . JACK : Okay . .hit it, Bob . (BAND PL9Y8 OPfiNING TEEME UP AND DdAN) DON : THE WCKY STRIl(E PROGRA[d, STARRING JACK BENNY . .WITH MARY LIVINGSTON, ROCIESTBR, DENNIS DAY, BOB CROSBY, AND "YOURS TRUi.Y" DON WILSON . (APPIAUSE . .MGSIC UP AND DOWN) DON : IADIN,4 AND GENTLEMEN, ALTHOUGH NEW YFARS EVP IS BERIfm US . THE STRAINS OF "SHOULD OLD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT" LINGER ON . .SO RIGHT NOW I'D LIl(E TO BRING YOU ONE OF THE OLDEST ACQUAINTANCES I KNOW . .AND HERE HgIS, JACK BRNNY . (APP7AUSF6 ) JACK :QThank 61ou, thank you, thank you . .Heilo again, this is ) Jack Banny tallcing . .and Don, ordinarily I'd get back at you for that corny introduction, but we're starting a New- Year so I'm going to forgive and forget . DON : You are? JACK : Yer, I'm wiping theClq,te~clean . .p,nd,I'm golpg to start by paying up all my old fY~~,~-1-~rter I borrowed from you last June when we ate at the drug store . You remember that . \. BH fiTK01 002030? -6- R< thanks . .Now how about thebten -MVMM I won from BOB : Oh yeej ) you on the Rose Bowl game yesteiday? JACR :J~,That's~,,,That's this year^ you'il have to wait untii 1956 for that . BOB : y~ 40 Jack that )~he clrosapest --- JACK :Ou1NO no, Bob, we're not going to have any bickering this year . The peopl .e are tired of insults, name-calling, and all that rowdy, old-hat comedy . From now on we're going to do only sophisticated humor .
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