Furry
By
Sean McGann
© 2019, RN: PAu 3-960-188 [email protected] or [email protected]
OPEN TO:
BLACK.
TAILS (V.O.) It rained heavily that morning.
EXT. WINDSHIELD OF TAILS’ TRUCK - MORNING
Rain falls upon a truck's windshield. TAILS, a teenage boy with dark brown hair, drives the truck. He wears a purple jacket with a dark blue T-shirt underneath. He has an irritated look in his eyes, and breathes quite heavily.
TAILS (V.O.) I woke up at 6:35, and had to use the small amount of driver's ed knowledge that somehow got me a driver’s license to rush to school. Dad drove Mom to work, which meant I would be home alone till about 5:30 after school. For reasons I’ll get into later, I was nothing short of ecstatic.
CUT TO:
BLACK.
CAPTION: A BOATS AGAINST THE CURRENT PRODUCTION
CAPTION: A SEAN MCGANN FILM
CUT TO:
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - MORNING
Tails parks his truck.
CAPTION: FURRY
INT. HIGH SCHOOL - MORNING
Tails walks into school, disheveled and carrying a backpack. He walks through the front entrance, around a corner, up some stairs and through two corridors.
TAILS (V.O.) My name is Miles Steadman, but (MORE) (CONTINUED)
2. CONTINUED: (2) TAILS (CONT'D) everyone called me Tails, if anyone ever talked to me. To be perfectly honest, I think I gave myself that dumbass nickname because I was a hardcore Sonic the Hedgehog fanboy back in middle school, when it was acceptable. A Dr. Pepper Sonic lover, as Dave the Bastard once put it. The nickname is because Tails' full name is Miles "Tails" Prower, assuming you care. Anyway, I was a junior, though I was smarter than half the boys in my grade. They were the kind of assholes that would dig a hole in the ground just to see if they could break something important, like a water pump or the Earth's core.
INT. JUNIOR HALLWAY - MORNING
Tails walks to his locker. He opens it and puts his things away. He takes out some books, utensils and folders.
TAILS (V.O.) My story begins on May 5, 2015, four weeks before summer vacation. I thanked the Lord, because that meant I had a ten-week break from being my high school’s low-tier punching bag. Now, if I had a chance run-in with the drug dealers or try-hard gym kids during break, there would be a wider variety of places where they could publicly beat the shit out of me with no consequences.
Tails closes his locker and goes into the first classroom on his right.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) Don't worry, this story will get optimistic soon.
INT. COMPUTER CLASS - MORNING
Tails walks in. Save for the COMPUTER TEACHER drinking coffee near the right side doorway, Tails is the only one there.
(CONTINUED)
3. CONTINUED: (2)
COMPUTER TEACHER Morning, Steadman.
TAILS Morning.
Tails sits up front.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) The first day in this story isn't really significant except to show you what my life was like before it truly began. And my past life started and ended with my girlfriend. Now, once I tell you about her, you’re gonna tell me that I'm crazy or autistic or that I need to die in a fire. That's fine. But at this point in time, I could care less what anyone thought. She was everything to me. My girlfriend was out of this world. In fact, she wasn't of this world. She didn't exist in this world; only my own. She was imaginary. And beautiful. And a mongoose.
On a revolving desk chair, MELINDA, an anthropomorphic female mongoose, rolls over to Tails. She looks human except for her whiskers, pointy short ears, and spotted sandy-blonde fur all over her body. She wears a tight red T-shirt and white shorts. She looks over to Tails.
MELINDA Hello, Foxy.
TAILS So, you’ve come to see me at school today.
MELINDA It appears so.
Beat.
TAILS Can I ask a possibly dumb question?
MELINDA Possibly dumb?
(CONTINUED)
4. CONTINUED: (3)
TAILS I just need to ask something because I need to confirm my suspicions.
MELINDA Ask your possibly dumb question.
TAILS Why are you visiting me at school?
MELINDA I wouldn't say that's a dumb question, Foxy.
TAILS That's not an answer.
Melinda smirks.
MELINDA Well, I was at home doing... whatever the hell I'm supposed to be doing, when I saw Mr. Steadman drive Mrs. Steadman to work. My mind thought nothing of it, but after a while I realized that there were some, shall we say, pleasant implications. It will be... what, 6:30?
TAILS 5:30.
MELINDA 5:30 till they get home. My first thought was to run up here and tell you-
TAILS We have a perfect opportunity to fuck?
Long pause. Melinda gets serious.
MELINDA It's been six days, Tails. Six days. You threw away six days and nights of quality time between me and you. I mean, you even threw away the weekend. Come on, Foxy. You know you can do better.
(CONTINUED)
5. CONTINUED: (4)
TAILS Which is why I'm spending quote- unquote quality time with you when I get home, okay?
Melinda smiles and shakes her head.
MELINDA Oh, Foxy. Oh, Foxy, Foxy, Foxy.
Tails takes some headphones out of his pocket. He untangles them.
MELINDA (CONT'D) Our anniversary is this Saturday. Can you believe it?
TAILS Wow, four years and I'm still trucking.
Melinda looks aside.
MELINDA I'd drop the "tr" and replace it with a certain letter. That's us in a nutshell.
Tails reaches to plug his headphones into the computer in front of him. He stops to turn to Melinda in disbelief.
TAILS Was that cynicism?
Melinda smirks.
MELINDA Maybe, maybe not.
TAILS Did I just hear cynicism come out of cute little Melinda the Mongoose?
Melinda gives a tempestuous look. Tails chuckles.
TAILS (CONT'D) I think I'm starting to rub off on you.
MELINDA In more ways than one.
(CONTINUED)
6. CONTINUED: (5)
Both laugh. The teacher comes back into the room.
COMPUTER TEACHER Everything alright, Miles?
They stop laughing. Tails looks over to his teacher.
TAILS Yeah.
COMPUTER TEACHER Alright, just... wondered who you were... talking to.
Tails is all alone.
TAILS I'm just reading a story on Wattpad.
COMPUTER TEACHER Oh... of course. Well, uh, don't be on that all day though.
TAILS Right.
The teacher is suspicious, but looks away. Tails looks over to Melinda, who has reappeared. She gets up from her chair.
MELINDA Don't forget me.
She kisses Tails on the cheek and runs off. Tails looks back to his computer. He plugs in his headphones.
INT. DAVE’S RECORDING STUDIO - MORNING
A mouth approaches a microphone.
DAVE Welcome to the 69th circle of Hell.
DAVE KELLEY, a bearded man in his mid-twenties wearing sunglasses and a cowboy hat, sits at a desk with a recording set-up. RALPH, a dorky man wearing glasses and a striped polo shirt, sits behind a pane glass window working the sound. He presses a button that starts a short jingle. Dave grooves to it, then leans on his counter when the music stops.
DAVE (CONT'D) Happy Monday morning, motherfuckers! (MORE) (CONTINUED)
7. CONTINUED: (2) DAVE (CONT'D) This is Dave the Bastard on another episode of Bastardization Live. You know, if there’s one director who I think represents a true auteur, it’s Stanley Motherfucking Kubrick. Everything he did was deemed awful, slow and repetitive when it was first released, but after one to ten years, give or take a few, it goes from shit to “the shit.” You know, I remember when I was ten, I watched A Clockwork Orange for the first time. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Why the fuck did you watch Clockwork when you were ten?” Well, 'cause my parents were awesome, assholes!
INT. COMPUTER CLASS - MORNING
Tails listens to Dave talk. STUDENTS file in and sit at computers.
DAVE (V.O.) Now, I find myself fapping to this film as an adult. Not the rape scenes, obviously. I’d hate myself if I did that, and as you know, when I’m not in love with Sabby, I’m in love with myself. No, the scene that always gets me hot and bothered is the scene where they’re testing Alex DeLarge to see if he was successfully turned into a pussy.
INT. DAVE’S RECORDING STUDIO - MORNING
DAVE A girl who looks like the heroine from Heavy Metal has her tits out and walks up to Malcolm McDowell, who I must say really needs to find better work than films on The Movie Channel at one in the fucking morning. Anyway, she’s walking towards him to see if he’s still the degenerate he was before the brainwashing. He tries to grasp for her tits, but he’s being overpowered by the bullshit the government has done to him. But at this point, I’m (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
8. CONTINUED: (2) DAVE (CONT'D) too busy playing with my remote control, pushing all the buttons, because I’m picturing Heavy Metal chick as a skunk, my skunk, torturing me with her goddamn beauty. Her naked form standing over me, give or take the nipples. You know, I have never found nipples to be that sexy. They’re not a body part exclusive to women, for one. I know most men think that they’re what make titties so fucking awesome, but really, it’s a number of features and circumstances that... I might have already talked about in a previous episode. Ralph!
Ralph turns on a microphone inside his booth.
RALPH Yeah?
DAVE Ralph the engineer, everybody! Hey, Ralph! Have I ever talked about the key factors of what makes women’s breasts great and why my wife displays all the key factors?
RALPH That’s about every episode, you hack.
Dave smirks.
DAVE Thanks for the info, you cynical lurking fuck. Okay, that went a little off-topic, but that was just my morning thought. It seems it’s already time for the new commercial break thing to kick in, so we’ll be back to talk about the news.
Ralph cuts to commercial. Dave angrily throws off his headphones.
DAVE (CONT'D) I need a fucking swear counter.
Ralph turns on his microphone.
(CONTINUED)
9. CONTINUED: (3)
RALPH A swear counter?
DAVE Like, is this a demographic thing? Am I supposed to swear for some “16-year- old shittard from Reddit” demographic?
RALPH The revenue dip getting to you?
DAVE I mean, I’m at the point where I’m using blip.tv tactics, God rest their soul, as a means of making people think I have sponsors when in reality, surprise, surprise, I don’t. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying swearing isn’t my cup of tea, obviously. I just wish I had more... versatility.
RALPH Versatility?
DAVE Variety? I don’t know what word to use!
RALPH Well, we’ll get ‘em back somehow, hotshot.
Dave shakes his head.
RALPH (CONT'D) Thirty seconds, Mr. Kelley.
Dave picks his headphones up from the floor.
DAVE Gotta love that attitude, Ralph!
Dave puts his headphones back on. Ralph presses buttons.
INT. COMPUTER CLASS - MORNING
The teacher lectures the class of students. Tails watches him with earbuds still in.
(CONTINUED)
10. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS (V.O.) I had discovered Dave the Bastard four months prior. I found his show entertaining not just for the fact that he was also a furry, but for his philosophy of saying whatever you want, no matter what people think. That’s why he was part of Revolting Radio, with other personalities and shows like Lieutenant Crow and Skadoosh’s Fast Food Hour. They allowed you to say anything, uncensored, as long as you didn’t cause deaths.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - NOON
The bell rings. Kids empty out of the school.
Tails walks towards his truck. Four raggedy, dirty-faced CRONIES walk behind him. Their leader, IAN, has an evil grin and bloodshot eyes.
IAN Hey, faggot!
Tails freezes in place and sighs. He turns around.
TAILS Hey, Ian.
IAN Where do you think you’re going?
TAILS To the Coney Island Pizza Palace.
IAN What’s that, some kind of joke?
TAILS Well, sarcasm is a type of humor. So you’re right... for once.
IAN Well, news flash; I’m always right.
TAILS Ah, boosting the old ego, I see.
(CONTINUED)
11. CONTINUED: (2)
Ian walks closer towards Tails.
IAN It’s pronounced “eggo,” dipshit.
Tails tries to hold back laughter, but cracks up.
TAILS Wow. Thanks for the correction. Now I feel so honored that such a smart specimen like yourself is stealing five dollars from me.
IAN How you know I would steal five bucks?
TAILS What, are we not going through the same old routine today? Because if not, that would be a blessi-
Ian picks Tails up by his shirt collar and brings him closer.
TAILS (CONT'D) Oh, shit!
IAN You know what? I won’t, you little faggot. I’m stealing ten fucking dollars from you for talking back with some ignant-ass shit.
TAILS Hey hey, dude, I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.
IAN This is what fucking happens when you talk shit to me! You got it, you fucking fairy?
TAILS I... I... I only have-
IAN What the fuck do you have?
TAILS I only have... five dollars.
(CONTINUED)
12. CONTINUED: (3)
IAN Why?
TAILS Be-becau-
IAN Why?!
TAILS Because I thought we were going through the same goddamn routine today!
Ian sets Tails down.
IAN Lemme see your money.
Tails kneels down and opens his backpack. He takes out five dollars and hands it to Ian.
IAN (CONT'D) I want one full ten. If you don’t have five more bucks tomorrow, your ass will be my footrest. Got it, faggot?
Ian throws the money in Tails’ face. Tails is resigned.
TAILS Yeah, yeah, I will.
IAN Good. I’m glad we’ve reached an understanding.
Ian walks back to his cronies.
IAN (CONT'D) Let’s go. See you tomorrow, Tails.
Ian and his cronies leave. Tails picks up his crumpled up money and walks away.
INT. TAILS’ LIVING ROOM - NOON
Melinda sits on the couch, watching television.
INT. TAILS’ KITCHEN - NOON
Tails enters the dining area and sets his backpack on the
(CONTINUED)
13. CONTINUED: (2) dining table.
TAILS Honey, I’m home.
Melinda walks in.
MELINDA You’re a bit late.
TAILS Sorry, I had a run-in with Ian.
MELINDA That’s the guy who keeps swiping your leftover lunch money, right?
Tails throws his jacket onto a chair next to him.
TAILS Bingo. He was harassing me for finding a circadian rhythm in his assholish behavior. And yet, I’m still legit worried he’s gonna break me.
Melinda rubs Tails’ shoulders.
MELINDA Well, forget your worries. You’re home now, and everything’s about to get a whole lot better.
TAILS Oh, is it now?
Melinda kisses Tails gently, then starts to kiss his neck.
CUT TO:
BLACK.
CAPTION: FOUR AND A HALF MINUTES LATER.
CUT TO:
Melinda sits at the dining table, wearing nothing but a white robe and her hair slightly disheveled. She drinks a cup of tea. A toilet flushes. Tails emerges from the nearby bathroom and zips up his jeans.
(CONTINUED)
14. CONTINUED: (3)
TAILS (CONT'D) Well, I nearly broke a sweat.
MELINDA Yeah, I nearly broke one, too, going so fast and all.
TAILS Yeah, I could probably go longer at that speed, but that was pretty satisfying.
Melinda drinks more from her cup.
TAILS (CONT'D) So how was I?
Melinda sets her cup down and smiles.
MELINDA You were great.
TAILS Are you serious? Like, was I really great, or is my control of you just projecting invisible compliments? No offense.
Melinda scoffs. She sips her tea, then sets it down.
MELINDA You were beyond words. It was an enchanting transgression of magical thrusts. If you swapped out your hands for an actual vagina, I think its owner would be in a state of whimsical pleasure. Truly you’ll be amazing when you have real sex.
Melinda smiles disingenuously and sips more tea. Tails looks guilty and touches her hand.
TAILS You are my sex. Hopefully forever.
MELINDA Do you mean it? Because you’ve been making me feel like real shit lately.
TAILS I’m sorry. It’s that six-day absence, (MORE) (CONTINUED)
15. CONTINUED: (4) TAILS (CONT'D) I guess. I need to make it up somehow.
MELINDA You don’t have to.
TAILS But I do, Melinda.
MELINDA Really, it’s fine. You don’t-
Tails suddenly kisses Melinda and they begin to make out. Melinda feels under Tails’ shirt before he takes the shirt off. She grabs for the belt of her robe.
INT. WHITE BEDROOM - NOON
Tails and Melinda aggressively have missionary sex. She moans loudly while he is about ready to climax. They finish. Melinda is breathless.
MELINDA Fuck, Foxy.
An equally out-of-breath Tails smiles at her. A garage door is heard opening.
INT. FIRST BATHROOM - NOON
Tails sits on a toilet, backwards and completely naked. He peeks out from behind the white wall obscuring the toilet. Melinda isn’t there. He grabs for some toilet paper.
EXT. VIEW OF SUNSET - NOON
Tails walks through a path surrounded by trees. He has a tripod in one hand and a camera in the other. He sets up the camera and tripod atop a cliff overlooking an entanglement of trees and greenery.
TAILS (V.O.) I became fascinated with photography at a young age. I started off taking pictures of animals, usually dead or mating. About two years back, I started photographing the sky. That’s how I made bread as a freelance photographer specializing in nature.
(CONTINUED)
16. CONTINUED: (2)
Tails prepares the shot.
TAILS (CONT'D) Unfortunately, Wilmington’s forest areas have horrible odds of showcasing gorgeous sunsets. That day, I decided to give it a shot, and what a shot it was!
Click.
INT. TAILS’ KITCHEN - EVENING
Tails sits at the kitchen counter eating Spaghetti-Os. TOM STEADMAN, a balding man in his late forties, sits at a desk, typing on a computer. SALLY STEADMAN, a brown-haired woman in her mid-forties, sits at the dining table, eating a Lean Cuisine-type meal.
TAILS (V.O.) My parents are not in this story that much due to their lack of involvement, but they’re still pretty influential people. I mean, they’re my parents after all. My mom, Sally, worked as a pharmacy clerk up in Plainfield, while my dad, Tom, was a tenant for a few apartment buildings in town. I liked to throw this idea around that my mom was some sort of super pharmacy clerk extraordinaire and/or selling medicine without a prescription on the side. It was the only reason I could come up with for her making more money than Dad.
Sally looks at Tails.
SALLY STEADMAN Miles, we need to have a talk.
Tails turns around on his stool.
TAILS Yeah?
TOM STEADMAN This is important, so listen.
(CONTINUED)
17. CONTINUED: (2)
SALLY STEADMAN Well, as you know, we’re going to Chicago this weekend to see Straight No Chaser’s summer show. We would be back around Sunday night.
TAILS Uh-huh.
TOM STEADMAN We know that we usually drop you off at Grandma and Grandpa’s, but... we’re considering just leaving you here. We want to know if you feel you’re responsible enough.
Tails is shocked.
TAILS I’m... I’m flattered. I'm ready to... I’ll give it a shot.
TOM STEADMAN You sure? We know you’re too lazy to make your own meals.
TAILS I have money and a car. I can always order pizza.
TOM STEADMAN Yeah, I guess you’re right.
SALLY STEADMAN Your pills, though. And your homework!
TAILS I’ll remember to take them, Mom. Don’t worry. I can take good care of myself.
Tom and Sally look at each other, unsure. They look back at Tails.
SALLY STEADMAN Alright, I guess you can stay home.
TAILS Thank you, guys! I love you so much!
SALLY STEADMAN We love you, too.
(CONTINUED)
18. CONTINUED: (3)
Tails turns back to his Spaghetti-Os, smiling.
TAILS (V.O.) Holy shit, holy shit, this is so fucking awesome, holy shit, Melinda will flip her fucking tail for this, holy fucking shit!
INT. TAILS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT
Tails is in bed, under the covers and shirtless. His bedroom is dark except for the window light. He seems to be making out with thin air.
Tails and Melinda make out. She wears a tank top.
MELINDA I fucking love you, Foxy.
TAILS I love you, too.
They continue making out.
MELINDA I need to admit something.
Tails stops and looks at Melinda.
MELINDA (CONT'D) The first time we did it today, it was just... OK.
TAILS Oh, I know.
Tails kisses and caresses Melinda’s neck.
MELINDA The second time, however, was probably the fourth best we’ve ever had.
TAILS Fourth best? What are the top three?
MELINDA Number three: the first time, May 9, 2011. Number two: November 7, 2013. Number one...
(CONTINUED)
19. CONTINUED: (2)
Melinda trails off mid-sentence as they kiss each other on the lips once again.
MELINDA (CONT'D) Number one will be this Saturday. I just know it.
Tails smiles. They continue making out.
INT. TAILS’ BEDROOM - MORNING
The room is dark except for the half-open blinds slipping faint light into the room. Tails groggily wakes up. He looks at the clock: 6:45. He jolts up.
TAILS Oh shit!
Tails gets up and runs into the bedroom door before opening it and running out. Melinda is now on the other side of the bed. She wakes up and sits up.
MELINDA Hmm... mornin’, honey.
TAILS (O/S) I’m gonna be late! Goddammit!
Melinda gets out of bed. She wears a white tank top and pink panties.
TAILS (CONT'D) (O/S) How did my alarm not go off?
Melinda walks out of the room.
INT. THIRD BATHROOM - MORNING
Tails turns the faucet on. He has two white pills in one hand and a Dixie cup filled with water in the other. He drinks from the cup and swallows the pills. Melinda enters.
MELINDA Maybe you were too busy making out with me to set your alarm.
Tails turns around, snaps his fingers and points at Melinda.
(CONTINUED)
20. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS That’s a very legitimate theory.
Tails turns off the faucet. He draws a bath and takes his socks off.
MELINDA I’m guessing you don’t have enough time to have some fun in the shower.
Tails feels the water before turning the shower on.
TAILS I really wish I could, but from past experience, my Zoloft doesn’t allow me to do quickies. By the time I cum, school will practically have started.
Tails takes his shirt off.
MELINDA You think the Zoloft works at all?
TAILS Well, I’m pretty much the same antisocial person I’ve always been, only I don’t listen to Three Days Grace as much. So I guess you could say the Zoloft makes me half the emo kid I was freshman and sophomore year.
Tails is about to remove his pants.
INT. TAILS’ KITCHEN - MORNING
Tails eats a dry bowl of cereal. He wears a gray hoodie and jeans. He looks at Melinda.
TAILS You gonna change your clothes?
MELINDA You know, I don’t see the point. Don’t you find this attractive?
TAILS I mean, of course.
MELINDA I stay at home doing whatever you feel like I should be doing. I rarely go (MORE) (CONTINUED)
21. CONTINUED: (2) MELINDA (CONT'D) outside the house unless you want me to show up. Why should I wear pants?
TAILS Because pacing. We take our clothes off with pacing. It’s foreplay.
MELINDA Right. First we make out, then I suck your dick, then we fuck. Occasionally you’ll go down on me, but only once in a blue moon-
TAILS You look really cute right now.
They stare at each other.
TAILS (CONT'D) Your whole get-up with the shirt and panties; I mean, it’s just really cute. You look like my waifu or some shit.
MELINDA I am your waifu.
Tails goes back to his cereal.
MELINDA (CONT'D) Was that a compliment?
TAILS Yes. Why have you been so hard on me lately?
MELINDA Because you let me.
Tails looks at his watch.
TAILS I need to get going. I’ll just brush my teeth at school.
Tails kisses Melinda goodbye and gets up.
MELINDA Don’t forget me.
(CONTINUED)
22. CONTINUED: (3)
Tails turns and looks at the empty stool. No Melinda. He sighs.
TAILS (V.O.) I ended up in such a rush that I forgot one little thing.
Tails grabs his backpack and heads out the door.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) I still had only five dollars in my wallet.
The door closes.
INT. JUNIOR HALLWAY - DAY
In a packed hallway, Tails walks up to his locker, carrying a binder and books in his arms. He starts to work the combination. Ian and his cronies approach and surround him.
IAN Morning, homo!
Tails stops.
TAILS Oh crap.
Tails sets his books on the floor. He stands up and turns around.
TAILS (CONT'D) Morning, Ian! How’s the drug dealing business holding up?
IAN Quit kissing my dick and give me my ten.
Tails stands motionless, his eyes widening.
IAN (CONT'D) Well?
Tails gulps.
TAILS Would you be able to wait another day, (MORE) (CONTINUED)
23. CONTINUED: (2) TAILS (CONT'D) and I give you fifteen?
Ian grabs Tails’ arm, pushing him down with his other arm. His cronies surround him.
TAILS (CONT'D) Hey, what the hell are you doing, man?
IAN Check his pockets!
The cronies rummage through Tails’ pockets. They grab his wallet and retrieve five dollars. Ian snatches it. He chucks it at Tails. A few students notice the scene.
IAN (CONT'D) You fucking retard! You know I got bills to pay; a stash to grow. I don’t want fifteen fucking dollars. I want your fucking neck cracking on my knee.
TAILS You’re a goddamn stoner.
Ian slaps Tails firmly across the face.
IAN Doesn’t mean I can’t fuck you up!
The cronies drag Tails to the middle of the hallway. One crony grabs Tails’ head. Some people walk away. Others take out their phones.
IAN (CONT'D) Stop squirming!
TAILS Just let me go, Ian! Where the fuck are the teachers?
Ian rolls up his pant legs.
IAN You could have just brought ten dollars, faggot!
KIKALO (O/S) Let him go.
(CONTINUED)
24. CONTINUED: (3)
They stop. All the boys look in front of them.
KIKALO, a teenage girl with short, black hair, ear buds in her ears, and a toothpick in her mouth, stands before them. She wears a blue hoodie with a “K” stitched into it and an “{Ears of Wheat Means This Movie is Good}” T-shirt underneath. She takes the toothpick out of her mouth and throws it on the floor.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Let the kid go, Wells.
Tails stares at her in bewilderment.
TAILS (V.O.) To quote a mediocre film I once saw, “She was the most frightening person I’d ever seen, but I enjoyed looking at her.”
Kikalo takes out her ear buds. The music playing is now only a muffled radio sound.
KIKALO I’m not asking you again, Wells.
Ian scoffs and looks around.
IAN Why should I? He didn’t give me what I wanted. His ass belongs to me.
KIKALO You can beat up your customers all you want, but he doesn’t quite look like a pothead.
IAN He's not.
KIKALO Then why hassle him? You know, I bet you call him a faggot all the time because you hope he’ll be into you.
The cronies look at each other, confused.
IAN What the fuck did you just say?
(CONTINUED)
25. CONTINUED: (4)
KIKALO If Hey, Arnold! taught me anything, it’s that when you bully someone to an extreme degree, you really just have a crush on them. A classic case of a tsundere. You want this kid’s dick, is that it? You want to fellate him?
IAN How about I beat the shit out of you?
KIKALO Oh, I didn’t know this would be a cat fight.
Ian’s cronies snicker. Ian turns around and glares, so they stop. He walks towards Kikalo.
IAN You have no business cutting into my business.
KIKALO Oh, I think I do. You see, I myself am in the business of logic. A drug peddler like you doesn’t need to push this kid around for lunch money. From what my friend Link tells me, you’re already pretty damn successful.
IAN We "push him around" because he doesn’t have any friends.
KIKALO You hang around him all the time. You’re not his friend?
IAN No!
KIKALO Why not?
IAN Because-
Kikalo speaks in unison with Ian.
IAN (CONT'D) -he’s a faggot!
(CONTINUED)
26. CONTINUED: (5)
KIKALO He’s a faggot! Figured you’d say that. You’re so fucking original, you know that, Wells? About as original as your fucking smelly-ass kush. You really need to find some lifted goods that don't smell like moldy fucking cheese.
Ian tenses up.
IAN "Lifted goods"? Who said that?
KIKALO It could be me, if you don’t let the kid go. I’ll tell everybody about how you quote-unquote “grow” all of your product.
Ian stares at Kikalo, who smiles. Ian shakes his head.
IAN You’re one sly bitch.
KIKALO So are you.
IAN Fuck you. Guys, we’re leaving.
Ian’s cronies let go of Tails, who staggers. The boys walk away. Ian bumps Tails’ shoulder.
IAN (CONT'D) Lucky little fairy.
Tails turns towards the center of the hallway. Kikalo has vanished. The students are speechless. They begin to scatter. Tails stands by his lonesome.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - NOON
The bell rings. Tails exits the front entrance. He reaches into his pocket and retrieves his keys. He tosses them in the air and catches them.
KIKALO (O/S) Listen, asshole!
Tails stops. Kikalo is a few yards away. She talks on her
(CONTINUED)
27. CONTINUED: (2) cell phone, agitated.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I made it very clear that it would be in the shop till Saturday morning. You have to come pick me up... You already have enough fucking money. You shouldn’t be asking to work overtime... Well that’s just great, Bill. You'll make forty extra fucking bucks, that's enough justifi-... What the hell is that supposed to mean? “You’re starting to act like a girlfriend.” Oh, fuck you! I hope I die of heatstroke walking home so you’ll always feel like fucking shit in the morning knowing you let me fucking die!
Kikalo hangs up and stashes her phone away. She puts her fingers to her forehead, distraught and ticked.
TAILS (O/S) I could drive you home.
Kikalo turns around. Tails stands behind her. She stands up straight.
KIKALO You overheard me?
TAILS Sorry.
KIKALO No, it’s fine. It makes sense. I was yelling.
TAILS I feel like I owe you.
They stare at each other.
KIKALO Sure.
Kikalo picks up her briefcase and backpack.
(CONTINUED)
28. CONTINUED: (3)
INT. TAILS’ TRUCK - NOON
Kikalo steps into Tails’ truck with him.
TAILS I haven't heard anyone talk about the fight, not even the principal.
KIKALO Eh, it has to be someone’s Snapchat story by now. You have nice taste in pickup tracks.
Kikalo rearranges her stuff.
TAILS Thanks. Do you think we should introduce ourselves?
KIKALO Huh?
TAILS I mean, I was always told never to pick up strangers.
Kikalo chuckles.
KIKALO My name’s Justine, but everyone calls me “Kikalo.”
TAILS My name’s Miles, but everyone calls me “Tails.”
KIKALO Please tell me that’s not a fucking Sonic reference.
TAILS Sorry.
Tails grabs his keys out of his pocket.
TAILS (CONT'D) So where to, Kikalo?
Tails puts the keys in the ignition.
(CONTINUED)
29. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO Well, go up to the school sign, take a right, go straight until you reach the second road to your left. My place is six houses down on the left.
Tails pulls out of the parking space.
KIKALO (CONT'D) So tell me a bit about yourself, Tails. Was Wells bullshitting when he said you didn’t have any friends?
Tails aligns with the road. He stops and looks at Kikalo.
TAILS Uh... no. No, I haven’t had any real friends since eighth grade.
Kikalo frowns.
KIKALO Oh, I thought he was just being a dick. I’m sorry.
TAILS No, no, it’s fine. I don't like talking to people much anyway. Especially since everyone at this school sucks. Not you, of course.
Kikalo nods her head.
KIKALO Of course.
Tails drives out of the parking lot.
TAILS How about you? Tell me about yourself.
KIKALO Well, what do you think you know about me?
TAILS Well, from what I’ve observed, you’re very polite, you have a very quick wit, your boyfriend’s an asshole, and you carry around a suitcase that, to be honest, may or may not be carrying (MORE) (CONTINUED)
30. CONTINUED: (3) TAILS (CONT'D) a bomb. It’s just that type of suitcase.
KIKALO Not bad, though some minor inaccuracies. My boyfriend’s not an asshole; he’s just a dumb, condescending prick. My suitcase actually contains a vast array of mixtapes, though a bomb would be pretty fucking sweet.
TAILS Could I listen to one of your mixtapes... if you don’t mind?
KIKALO Sure thing. You like Dexy’s?
Kikalo zips open her briefcase.
TAILS Who?
KIKALO Dexy’s Midnight Runners.
TAILS They’re the “Come On, Eileen” band, right?
KIKALO You sound so innocent when you say that.
Kikalo removes a CD from her briefcase with “Essentials: DEXY’S MIDNIGHT RUNNERS” written in Sharpie.
KIKALO (CONT'D) But to answer your question, yes, they’re the “Come On, Eileen” band. Have you ever listened to a song from them besides that?
TAILS I can’t say I have.
KIKALO That’s because you just met me.
(CONTINUED)
31. CONTINUED: (4)
Kikalo puts the CD in the truck’s CD player. She presses play. (Depending on the rights) “Geno” by Dexy’s Midnight Runners begins to play. As the song begins, Kikalo nods and bounces up and down to the song. She places a toothpick in her mouth. At a stop sign, Tails glances at Kikalo’s dancing.
Freeze frame.
TAILS (V.O.) In that instant, it started to sink in that, if I hadn’t almost been murdered by an homophobic drug dealer, I would have never met this beautiful stranger.
When the song kicks in, Kikalo dances and lip-syncs to the song. Tails keeps looking at her, while also trying to focus on the road. He makes a left turn to a suburban road. He passes six houses until he reaches a two-story house. Kikalo stops dancing.
KIKALO This is my abode.
Kikalo ejects the CD and lets out a giggle.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Yeah, I'm pretty much obsessed with one-hit wonders. I especially love looking at the back catalogs besides the hits. I’m such a hipster.
Kikalo laughs again. Tails looks to the side, smiling.
TAILS No you’re not.
KIKALO What?
TAILS You’re not a hipster.
Tails looks to Kikalo. She is a bit offended.
KIKALO Excuse me?
TAILS I wouldn’t call you a hipster.
(CONTINUED)
32. CONTINUED: (5)
Kikalo looks suspiciously at Tails. She throws her arms in the air with an amused grin.
KIKALO Okay, Mr. Nice Guy. What the fuck am I then?
TAILS You’re Kikalo.
Tails turns towards the steering wheel.
TAILS (CONT'D) You’re this girl who, out of nowhere, decided to save my life. You’re this strange, interesting teenage girl; the rare kind that doesn’t spew all that trademark Clueless bullshit and instead raises a middle finger to the norm. That’s probably why I let you into my car. I haven’t done that with anyone outside of my family. You’re this girl who dances to an 80’s rock group while a complete stranger drives you home because your boyfriend wouldn’t do it... and you just accept that. You’re not a hipster; you’re just... you. You’re... hauntingly original. If you prefer to call yourself a hipster, I apologize, but that’s just how I see it.
Tails looks at Kikalo. She is amazed by his speech.
KIKALO Holy shit, that was some beautiful rambling. That was like Cameron Crowe. I mean, good era, pre- Elizabethtown Cameron Crowe.
TAILS I’m sorry.
KIKALO No, really. I mean, I’ll still call myself a hipster, but... you’re... you’re right about me... being myself, and not being some label. What you said was... patronizing at first, but then I started to like the sentiment.
(CONTINUED)
33. CONTINUED: (6)
Beat.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I like your style, Tails. If you ever decide to have friends, you're welcome to sit with me at lunch this Friday. I won’t bite, though I’m not sure about Link and Beatrice.
TAILS That... that sounds nice.
KIKALO Have a nice day... Tails.
Kikalo smiles. She gets out of the car with her belongings. Tails watches her walk up to her house. He looks down at his radio and sees that the CD is still left in the player, ejected. He glances at Kikalo’s house, then to the CD. He then starts the car, pushes the CD back in, and drives off. Slowly, a smile forms across his face.
INT. WHITE BEDROOM - NOON
Melinda and Tails have sex, her riding him on a white bed. She orgasms and falls on top of him, extremely satisfied.
TAILS I made a friend today.
Melinda blinks, then lifts her head up off his chest.
MELINDA What?
TAILS So, Ian and his gang were about to bash my skull in, when this girl butted in and saved my life with insults and blackmail. Her boyfriend couldn’t drive her home, so I offered her a ride. Now she wants me to sit at her lunch table.
Melinda’s jaw drops.
MELINDA You’re not fucking with me?
Tails smiles.
(CONTINUED)
34. CONTINUED: (2)
MELINDA (CONT'D) Holy shit, that's amazing! Great news, Foxy! Great, great, great news!
Melinda hugs and kisses Tails energetically.
MELINDA (CONT'D) This doesn’t mean we’re breaking up though, right?
TAILS What? No! Of course not! Just because I have a human friend made out of actual matter doesn’t mean I no longer love you! Why do you keep doubting us lately?
MELINDA Because when you’re in love... there’s no such thing as no worries.
They stare at each other. Slowly and tenderly, Melinda kisses Tails with a grin. She kisses him multiple times on his neck, then his shoulder, then down his shoulder. She goes down on Tails. He breathes heavily as he lies on the bed in deep pleasure.
INT. SECOND BATHROOM - NOON
Tails lies back on the toilet, naked save for the pants around his ankles. He masturbates with both hands to simulate a mouth giving him a blowjob.
INT. TAILS’ BEDROOM - EVENING
Tails is on his laptop. Tom walks in. Tails minimizes his browser window.
TOM STEADMAN Hey, Miles?
TAILS Yeah?
TOM STEADMAN I need to talk to you.
TAILS About what?
Tom is pissed.
(CONTINUED)
35. CONTINUED: (2)
TOM STEADMAN You know what.
Tails is confused.
TOM STEADMAN (CONT'D) So what is crack like? I’ve never tried it, mainly because I’m not a bonehead, but since-
TAILS Who said anything about crack?
TOM STEADMAN An anonymous tip called and said word is going around that your drug dealer was about to kill you at school today, but some girl talked them out of it. Is this true or not?
Tails stammers.
TAILS Dad, I’m not on drugs! That guy’s not my drug dealer! I mean, he is a drug dealer, but-
TOM STEADMAN Do I need to press charges?
TAILS Whatever you do, don’t do that.
TOM STEADMAN Why didn’t you tell us you were being bullied?
TAILS Because I thought you would assume I was being bullied at school.
TOM STEADMAN Not by a fucking drug dealer!
TAILS Dad, listen. This guy has been stealing my lunch money since sophomore year. Everything’s fine; it’s just today I forgot to bring extra money.
(CONTINUED)
36. CONTINUED: (3)
Tom squints.
TOM STEADMAN Doesn’t Mom make you lunch?
TAILS Yeah?
TOM STEADMAN Why bring the lunch money then?
TAILS So he doesn’t murder me?
TOM STEADMAN Well, who was the girl that saved you?
TAILS Her name’s Justine. I think I made a friend today.
Tom is stunned.
TOM STEADMAN You... you made a friend?
TAILS Yeah.
TOM STEADMAN This isn’t funny, Miles.
TAILS I’m not joking.
Tom is left speechless.
TAILS (CONT'D) If I can make friends, I guess there’s hope for all of us, huh, Dad?
Tails shrugs and smiles.
INT. ENGLISH CLASSROOM - NOON
Tails sits with other students as an ENGLISH TEACHER discusses The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn .
TAILS (V.O.) I can understand why she said to sit (MORE) (CONTINUED)
37. CONTINUED: (2) TAILS (CONT'D) with her on Friday, because the next day, I didn’t see her. Not like I knew what her classes were, but I knew she was at locker number 513.
INT. JUNIOR HALLWAY - NOON
Tails passes by locker #513 while carrying a sack lunch.
TAILS (V.O.) I kept checking it in between classes. Either she was really fast, never needed to take out anything, or she wasn’t even there.
INT. CAFETERIA - NOON
Tails sits at a lunch table with a STANDOFFISH STUDENT, who keeps looking down at their food. Tails glances up from time to time, but focuses on his lunch.
TAILS (V.O.) Ian dropped the whole ten dollars thing, halle-fricking-lujah, and apologized to my father on the phone for spreading a rumor about me doing crack, which in reality, only a few people believed, because Ian doesn’t sell crack. It was the first time in two years where I went to high school and felt... safe.
INT. TAILS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT
Tails and Melinda make out.
TAILS (V.O.) Melinda and I were excited as hell for our four-year anniversary this Saturday. I was hyped even more when she said it was going to be the best sex we ever had. The previous times we fucked this week were great, really great, but I just had to know how Saturday was going to go down, no pun intended.
(CONTINUED)
38. CONTINUED: (2)
INT. CAFETERIA - NOON
Link walks into the cafeteria, carrying a sack lunch.
TAILS (V.O.) Friday came, and Kikalo left a note in my locker saying she had lunch during B period, which I also had, so I was pretty thrilled.
Tails looks around for Kikalo, notices her, and walks towards her. She sits at a table near a stage with LINK LATER and BEATRICE BANKS. Link is scruffy and skinny, and wears a black No Vacancy T-shirt and blue jeans. Beatrice is short and mousey, and wears a pink blouse with a fluffy white vest and jeans. She reads a copy of The Inferno .
LINK So Lily is all like “Fuck you, motherfucker!” I’m in stitches. Fucking bitch from Moment by Moment is yelling in his face, and Russell fucking deserves it!
Kikalo laughs, then sees Tails.
TAILS Hey.
Link looks at Tails. Beatrice looks up from her book.
LINK Who the fuck are you?
KIKALO Oh, sorry. Guys, this is Miles, better known as Tails. I saved him from Wells two days ago.
Link’s face lights up.
LINK That’s him? Why didn’t you say so?
Link pats Tails on the back, catching him off-guard.
LINK (CONT'D) Sit the fuck down, my man.
Tails sits in between Link and Kikalo.
(CONTINUED)
39. CONTINUED: (2)
LINK (CONT'D) You brought down a real poser, you know that? He’s just like Carlos Mencia; stealing from other people to seem like a baller, even though he’s really a fucking pussy.
Tails awkwardly looks at Link.
TAILS Okay. Thank you.
LINK No, thank you, man.
Beatrice looks at Tails, then at Kikalo.
BEATRICE As is the circle that around it turns.
CAPTION: (Canto XVIII, Line 3)
TAILS Yes?
Beatrice closes her book and sets it to the side. She gives Tails a disgusted glare.
BEATRICE Whence o’er me comes a shudder...
CAPTION: (Canto XXXII, Line 71)
BEATRICE (CONT'D) ...for thou hast intruded upon our gathering withouten intentions nor knowledge of past.
Kikalo is shocked.
KIKALO Now why the hell would you say something like that, Beatrice? That’s extremely rude.
BEATRICE I apologize amain.
KIKALO Thank you. That was very out of character.
(CONTINUED)
40. CONTINUED: (3)
Kikalo turns to Tails with a smile.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I’m very glad you could join us for lunch.
TAILS I think I should introduce myself properly.
LINK Oh, it’s okay.
TAILS I feel like I should.
LINK At least let us do it first.
TAILS Excuse me?
Freeze frame.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) And to my surprise, they did.
WHIP PAN:
Link looks into the camera.
LINK My name is Link Later. I do a lot of fucking heroin. I am currently single and bisexual with a proclivity towards women, though a little dick in the ass never hurt anybody. A big dick does, but I can handle it. I’m a senior who can’t wait to get out of this rotting hellhole next week. I’m agnostic, but I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s religion. My current employment is drummer/manager of the Anarchist Coffee Suites. My favorite movie is Caligula .
PAN:
BEATRICE I take the name Beatrice Banks. I have (MORE) (CONTINUED)
41. CONTINUED: (4) BEATRICE (CONT'D) attained an infatuation with Master Dante Alighieri’s 1308 scribe The Inferno . Aye alone I am, and I restrict thy loins to the opposite sex for respect of elders. I have but one year until I rise above this withering confinement, surrounding thyself with clay, sweat, ordure and dole. I believe in the gods. I am employed to Hermes, thy god of transitions and boundaries, who will spread his message when he escapes his shackles of the dullards whose complexity of his they cannot understand. My favorite motion picture is Constantine .
PAN:
KIKALO My name is Justine Kelley. I drink and only once tried pot. It was awesome. I have a boyfriend by the name of Bill Oakley. Because I’ve sworn never to discuss what happened at summer camp in 2010, let’s just say I’m straight. I’m a junior. I’m an atheist. I am the lead vocalist and lead guitarist for the Anarchist Coffee Suites. My favorite movie is Starship Troopers .
PAN:
TAILS Oh, it’s... it’s my turn. Uh, my name is Miles Steadman. You guys can call me Tails, and Kikalo already said that. Uh, I like... water? I’m not sure what I like really. Don’t drink or do drugs. Uh, I have a “waifu,” her name is Melinda, and I’m straight. I’m a junior. I’m a Catholic, non- practicing. I am a freelance photographer who’s been featured in the Free Press Advocate and the Daily Journal a number of times... assuming you read newspapers. My favorite movie is... Magnolia ?
(CONTINUED)
42. CONTINUED: (5)
KIKALO Oh, I fucking love that movie!
TAILS You do?
LINK If Tom Cruise were like Frank T.J. Mackey in real life, I’d be a fucking Scientologist in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even care about them killing Jeremy Blake.
KIKALO Respect the cock.
LINK Respect the cock!
TAILS Respect the cock.
BEATRICE We may be through with the past, but the past ain’t through with us.
KIKALO You can quote the movie, Beatrice?
BEATRICE In my fucking sleep.
Kikalo’s eyes narrow.
TAILS That’s... that’s what Jimmy said after that line.
KIKALO Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Beatrice looks up from her book.
BEATRICE 'Twas a correct assumption. You give off the aura of pleasantness now that examination concludes itself. Once more, apologizing amain.
Beatrice continues reading. Tails leans in to Kikalo.
(CONTINUED)
43. CONTINUED: (6)
TAILS Does she-
KIKALO Yeah, she can speak normally. She just chooses not to. You’ll get used to it.
LINK So, Tails, you ever seen that video of Lily Tomlin bitching at David O. Russell on YouTube?
TAILS Who’s David O. Russell?
LINK Well, we were just talking about it. So, okay, Lily Tomlin is flipping David off, and just keeps fucking pausing to think...
Tails listens attentively to Link’s recap.
TAILS (V.O.) So we talked about Lily Tomlin’s meltdown and what a piece of shit the guy who directed American Hustle is for the rest of lunch. I also remembered that Beatrice was in Precalculus with me, which seemed like it could be useful. After school, we hung out and chatted some more.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - NOON
The bell rings. Tails, Kikalo, Link and Beatrice chat by a sculpture of a bell.
TAILS (V.O.) The band that Kikalo and Link formed, Anarchist Coffee Suites, was a tribute band of sorts to a band I adored named Neutral Milk Hotel. Never heard of them? “In the Aeroplane Over The Sea,” “Two-Headed Boy,” “King of Carrot Flowers,” “Oh Comely,” “Holland, 1945.” No? “I love you, Jesus Christ,” “All secrets sleep in winter clothes,” “Her sister and mother and five- (MORE) (CONTINUED)
44. CONTINUED: (2) TAILS (CONT'D) hundred families,” “Semen stains the mountaintops.” Still? They’re the ones with the album cover of the lady with the grapefruit head. They’re to indie folk what Led Zeppelin is to rock and roll. Kind of a big deal.
INT. WHITE ROOM - ???
Kikalo plays acoustic guitar against a white backdrop.
TAILS (V.O.) Kikalo was also a huge fan and wanted a band that emulated their music but wasn’t a cover band. She called it a "stylistic tribute band."
Link plays the drums.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) She and Link put out some Classified ads and found two additional members.
JOPLIN WEEZY, a short young man with a bowl cut, plays the trumpet.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) Joplin Weezy, a Ritalin addict who knew how to play a killer trumpet...
ERIC TYPOVSKI, a tall man with a ponytail haircut, plays a keyboard despite messing up a few times.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) ... and Eric Typovski, a JJC student who is a jack of all trades and a master of none.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - NOON
The four continue to chat.
TAILS (V.O.) They had been successfully playing at a club in Coal City called Opening (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
45. CONTINUED: (2) TAILS (CONT'D) Soon for the past four months. I was impressed, to say the least.
LINK Alright, I think I gotta bounce. See you tomorrow, Kikalo.
BEATRICE I shall depart as well, if thou do not mind the close.
KIKALO It’s fine. I’ll see you both tomorrow.
Link and Beatrice leave. Kikalo turns around and smiles at Tails.
TAILS What?
KIKALO So, Mr. Steadman, how does it feel to have friends?
TAILS I feel like a fucking needle in a haystack.
KIKALO It’ll pass.
TAILS And I did have friends back in junior high. They just kinda... left.
KIKALO Oh, I know that feeling too well.
Beat.
TAILS Oh, almost forgot!
Tails unzips his backpack and pulls out Kikalo’s mixtape. He hands it to her.
TAILS (CONT'D) You left it in my truck the other day.
(CONTINUED)
46. CONTINUED: (3)
KIKALO Oh shit, I guess I did.
TAILS Just wanted to give it back.
Kikalo zips open her suitcase and puts the CD back inside.
KIKALO How many times did you listen to it?
Tails smirks.
TAILS I just finished it this morning.
KIKALO Which song was your favorite?
TAILS Well, I really liked “Geno” and “Jackie Wilson Said,” and there was another good track I don’t know the name of. But the song “All in All” might be my favorite. It’s hard to decipher what Kevin Rowland is saying, but after a while, you collect the pieces. You know, you piece them together with his emotion and create this sad story of separation and growing apart from his lover. It’s just so beautifully composed, especially with the strings.
KIKALO I love the strings. Personally, that was my favorite era of theirs.
A loud honk is heard. Tails and Kikalo turn and see a blue car by the curb.
KIKALO (CONT'D) And there’s Billy. Hey, can I pick you up sometime? My van will be fixed by tomorrow morning. I’d love to hang out.
TAILS Uh, yeah. Sure.
(CONTINUED)
47. CONTINUED: (4)
KIKALO Great! Can you give me your address?
Kikalo takes out her phone. Another honk. She turns her head.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Wait a minute, jackass!
TAILS Alright, my address is 2-
Another honk. Kikalo turns her head.
KIKALO Fucking stow it, Bill!
Kikalo turns back to Tails.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Go on.
TAILS 28900 Adamson Drive. It’s the brick house on the corner.
KIKALO Alright, let me jot this-
Several repeated honks. Kikalo turns her head.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I will rip out that fucking horn and ram it up your ass, Bill!
BILLY (O/S) That better be a promise!
Kikalo flips Billy off. She resumes typing.
KIKALO 28900 Adamson Drive. Alright, I’ll see you around.
TAILS Yeah, see ya.
Kikalo runs off. Tails watches her leave. (Depending on the rights) “Mrs. Robinson” by Billy Paul starts to play.
(CONTINUED)
48. CONTINUED: (5)
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) It was like a lucid dream that never ceased.
INT. TAILS’ TRUCK - NOON
Tails drives home. A smile grows on his face.
TAILS (V.O.) It puzzled me how it had only been two days since I met this girl, and now I already had two more friends. It may seem obvious if I say this, because I had been spending my life getting robbed by an amateur drug peddler, chatting friendly with no one but my parents, getting through school work with a mix of A’s and B’s, and jerking off, but it needs to be said. This was the greatest week I had had in a long, long, long time.
INT. TAILS’ KITCHEN - NOON
Tails slides into the room. He dances around, feeling the groove all over. Melinda walks in.
MELINDA What are you doing?
TAILS I’m dancing!
Melinda giggles.
MELINDA Why are you dancing?
TAILS Why not?
Tails grabs Melinda and dances with her. They laugh as they dance about.
MELINDA I’ve never seen you like this!
TAILS I haven’t seen me like this either!
(CONTINUED)
49. CONTINUED: (2)
The two continue to dance and laugh.
INT. WHITE BEDROOM - NOON
Melinda lies on her back as Tails thrusts into her.
MELINDA Oh god!
TAILS Oh yeah!
MELINDA You need to make friends more often!
TAILS Tell me about it!
Tails starts to thrust faster.
INT. TAILS’ KITCHEN - EVENING
Tom, Sally and Tails sit at the dining table, chatting happily and eating dinner. Suitcases are in the background.
TAILS (V.O.) Before they left, my family wanted to hear all about my new friends. I left out about fifty-seven percent of the truth, so they were happy to hear about my awesome, wholesome friends. We even ate as a family for once, and it wasn’t even Thanksgiving. I was happy, and tomorrow I would be even happier. My four-year anniversary with Melinda. Things could only go up from here.
INT. DAVE’S RECORDING STUDIO - EVENING
Dave talks into his microphone. He wears a cowboy hat.
DAVE Did you not even think of Norbit , Reese? After Dreamgirls came out, people thought Eddie Murphy was finally getting his shit together, but then he made that abortion of a movie and his chances of winning went out the fucking window! You made the great (MORE) (CONTINUED)
50. CONTINUED: (2) DAVE (CONT'D) decision, and I’ll give you this, to have Hot Pursuit released in May after everyone forgot you were one of the twenty vanilla faces nominated this year, but you dropped the shitty trailer before that. By the way, everyone, I know we’ve already forgotten about the fucking train wreck that was this year’s Oscars, but I just thought about something. Did you notice that, despite the numerous times Neil Patrick Harris made fun of #OscarsSoWhite, he forced Octavia Spencer, a black woman, to watch a fucking box for three hours? And you know she wasn’t fucking paid to watch that shit! To paraphrase the Smodcast, if I may, she should have said, “Fuck you, Doogie Howser! I actually have an Oscar!” So yeah, I give Hot Pursuit a very low 2 out of 10. Fucking abhorrent. And that’s my Late Night Insomniac Review, and my show for tonight. I’ll be seeing you all on Monday. Remember to like us on Facebook for more updates. You can follow me on Twitter and Instragram at SabbyAndDave as well. This has been Dave the Bastard, and as always, remember to enjoy your weekend... just a little too much.
The sign-off music plays. Dave takes off his headphones. Dave approaches him, papers in his hands.
RALPH Here’s this week’s data, Dave.
DAVE Thanks.
Dave takes the papers and looks at them. Ralph grabs his things.
DAVE (CONT'D) Fuck me.
As Dave sifts through papers, he notices a peculiar document.
(CONTINUED)
51. CONTINUED: (3)
DAVE (CONT'D) Ralph, what’s this?
Ralph walks back in and is handed the document.
RALPH Huh?
Ralph glances at the document.
RALPH (CONT'D) Oh, right. Some... radio show I haven’t heard of wanted to talk about bringing you on.
DAVE And you didn’t tell me about this?
RALPH Well, it looked sketchy.
DAVE Ralph, you need to let me know about this shit unless you’re trying to sabotage my career. And sketchy? They’re with a premium content provider!
RALPH Sorry.
Ralph starts to leave. Dave keeps reading. Ralph stops in the doorway.
RALPH (CONT'D) You know you can take that home, right?
Dave looks up.
DAVE Right, right.
Dave gets up and leaves while reading the document. Ralph turns off the lights.
INT. TAILS’ BEDROOM - NIGHT
Tails and Melinda lie in bed together. Melinda sleeps. Tails is wide awake staring upwards at the ceiling. He smiles.
(CONTINUED)
52. CONTINUED: (2)
INT. TAILS’ BEDROOM - MORNING
An alarm clock goes off at 6:45. Tails hits the snooze button. His hands fall under his covers. He looks over to his left and Melinda is not there.
TAILS Huh.
A jolt of energy comes across Tails’ face.
TAILS (CONT'D) Oh.
Tails smiles, his eyes fluttering.
TAILS (CONT'D) Oh...
Tails looks down.
TAILS (CONT'D) Good morning, honey.
Melinda emerges from under the covers.
MELINDA Good morning, Foxy.
TAILS You know with the Zoloft, it’ll take way longer than usual.
MELINDA Oh, I know.
Melinda crawls back under the covers. Tails lays his head back and smirks.
TAILS You are fucking magnificent.
Tails grins.
INT. SECOND BATHROOM - MORNING
Tails brushes his teeth while naked. As he rinses, his phone goes off. He spits and checks his phone. It’s a text message.
MOM: REMEMBER 2 TAKE YOUR PILLS!
(CONTINUED)
53. CONTINUED: (2)
Tails scoffs and smirks. A honking sound catches him off guard. Tails looks at his phone. It’s 7:56.
EXT. TAILS’ HOUSE - MORNING
Tails steps outside. He wears slippers, a robe, and boxers. He holds onto the robe to keep it shut. Kikalo stands outside with a white van parked by the curb next door. She wears a different blue hoodie and a T-shirt with the seeing-eye painting from Mallrats printed on it.
KIKALO Mr. Steadman, I presume.
Tails raises an eyebrow as his arms fall to his sides.
TAILS Good morning, Kikalo. Um... what are you doing here?
KIKALO Well, I thought I might take you out to breakfast. Like the van?
Tails looks at the van, then back at Kikalo.
TAILS It’s, uh... it’s nice.
Beat.
TAILS (CONT'D) When you said you wanted to hang out, I didn’t think you meant this early.
KIKALO Well, you have any plans for today?
TAILS Well, I... I kinda was... I mean, I...
KIKALO Those sound like good fucking plans.
Beat.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Come on, I got some fun stuff for us to do.
Tails thinks.
(CONTINUED)
54. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS Let me get dressed.
KIKALO Yeah, slow it down a bit. We’ve only known each other for three days and you’re already dropping trou.
Tails looks down. He grips his robe and covers himself before walking back inside.
INT. KIKALO’S VAN - MORNING
Tails gets in the van. He wears a windbreaker, a navy blue T- shirt and jeans. Kikalo sticks the keys in the ignition. Tails looks at her shirt.
KIKALO It’s a sailboat.
Kikalo looks at Tails as he looks up.
TAILS Oh.
Kikalo looks forward.
KIKALO You just wanted to look at my tits.
TAILS What? No, I wasn’t! Honestly!
KIKALO Kidding, kidding. You know, I’ve always thought girls wearing T-shirts with detailed pictures and words on them was fucking strange.
Kikalo puts the gear into drive.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Like, you’re just trapping guys into looking like perverts. I mean, at least I can tell the difference...
The van drives off.
TAILS (V.O.) I didn’t see Melinda for the rest of (MORE) (CONTINUED)
55. CONTINUED: (2) TAILS (CONT'D) the day.
EXT. SILVER DOLLAR - DAY
Exterior shot of a restaurant.
INT. SILVER DOLLAR - DAY
Tails and Kikalo are seated at a booth. A WAITRESS takes their order.
KIKALO I’ll have the Eggs of York with two hash browns and a cup of coffee.
WAITRESS How do you want your coffee?
KIKALO Black.
WAITRESS Alright.
TAILS I’ll just have a donut. Glazed, please.
KIKALO You sure?
TAILS Yeah.
KIKALO Nothing to drink or anything? I’m paying.
Tails sighs.
TAILS You know, I’ll have a glass of milk, too.
WAITRESS Alright, your order will be here shortly.
Tails and Kikalo hand her their menus.
(CONTINUED)
56. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO Thank you.
TAILS Thank you.
The waitress leaves. Kikalo looks outside.
TAILS (CONT'D) So, that was fast. You really like me, huh?
KIKALO Whose car is that?
Kikalo turns to Tails.
KIKALO (CONT'D) What? Oh, you mean the... right. Well, I was just interested in getting to know you a bit more, you know? Find out your ambitions, your likes, dislikes; shit like that.
TAILS Not everything, though.
KIKALO Well, you’re not an axe murderer, right? Cause I don’t like being friends with axe murderers. Too timid, usually. You wouldn't hurt a fly, right?
TAILS I assure you I would hurt a fly, but not a human.
KIKALO Good. Fuck flies. How many flies have you killed recently?
TAILS Ooh, that’s hard to remember.
Two teenage girls, HANNA and HOLLY, step inside. Kikalo looks behind her, then quickly looks back. She shields her face.
KIKALO Shit.
(CONTINUED)
57. CONTINUED: (3)
TAILS What?
Hanna and Holly talk to the MAITRE D’.
TAILS (CONT'D) Is something wrong?
KIKALO Are they looking at us?
TAILS I can’t hear what you’re saying.
Tails looks at the two girls being led to their table.
KIKALO Please don’t fucking come over here. Please dear fucking god don’t come over here. Please, please, please don’t fucking-
HANNA Kikalo?
Kikalo sits up with a pleasant expression. Hanna stands at her table.
KIKALO Hanna! Hi! Fancy seeing you here! I haven’t seen you in a while!
HANNA Well, you never really kept in touch.
KIKALO Oh, well...
HANNA I recognized the jacket and thought it might be you.
KIKALO And it was!
HANNA It was! I haven’t seen you since Backbone. How have things been?
KIKALO Oh, they’ve been fine.
(CONTINUED)
58. CONTINUED: (4)
Holly walks over to Hanna.
HANNA Glad to hear. Holly, I just ran into Kikalo.
Kikalo waves hello, but Holly shrinks up.
HANNA (CONT'D) We just came to grab a bite to eat. We're doing this bake sale at the VFW in an hour as part of the Wildcat Service.
KIKALO I’m glad you support our veterans.
HANNA Hope everything’s fine at home.
KIKALO Right.
HANNA You know, you can always come to the meetings again if you want. You’re not banned or anything.
KIKALO I’ll keep that in mind.
HANNA You wanna have breakfast with us?
KIKALO Thank you, but I’m fine over here.
HANNA Well, it’s nice to see you again. Talk to us anytime.
KIKALO Alright, see ya.
Hanna and Holly walk away. Holly leans into Hanna.
HOLLY Who was that fuckboi?
Kikalo looks over to Tails. She looks embarassed.
(CONTINUED)
59. CONTINUED: (5)
TAILS You were in Backbone?
KIKALO Yeah, for a couple of months when it started up. Ooh, here's our food.
The waitress comes back with their food on a tray.
WAITRESS Here you go.
The waitress passes out the plates of food.
KIKALO Thank you very much.
TAILS Thank you.
WAITRESS You’re welcome. Anything else I can get you for today?
KIKALO We’re fine for now.
WAITRESS Alright.
The waitress leaves with the tray. Tails drinks his milk as Kikalo looks at him. Tails notices.
TAILS What?
KIKALO Aren't you going to ask me why I was in Backbone?
TAILS Well, I mean, I wouldn’t want to pry.
Kikalo points a fork at Tails.
KIKALO Correct. That was a test. Expect more to come.
Kikalo cuts up her eggs.
(CONTINUED)
60. CONTINUED: (6)
KIKALO (CONT'D) It’s all in the name of friendship. Right now, you’re knocking it out of the goddamn park.
Kikalo eats her eggs.
TAILS That’s... great to hear.
Tails takes a bite of his donut. He drinks his milk.
KIKALO When I was in Backbone, I turned that Holly girl lesbian.
Tails almost chokes on his milk.
TAILS What?
KIKALO When I was in Backbone, I turned that girl, Holly, lesbian.
Tails swallows.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Long story. So I went to Backbone because I was stressed out from relationship bullshit, and thought it was a welcoming safe space to talk about issues with bullying and depression and what not. Besides, why wouldn’t I want to be part of a Gay Straight Alliance? I’m straight, and I align myself with gay people all the fucking time. However, Backbone was, to me, mostly just arts and crafts mixed with public speakers that only ever talked about how to survive college while gay. Great intentions, but flawed execution. People were nice, though.
Kikalo takes a sip of her coffee.
TAILS Uh-huh.
Kikalo sets her coffee down.
(CONTINUED)
61. CONTINUED: (7)
KIKALO So, noticing that I hadn’t talked that much at the meetings, Hanna asked if I wanted to say something about homophobia in high schools. That was that day’s topic. Instead of being constructive or helpful to the conversation, I ended up, right the fuck off the top of my head, coming up with this story about a lesbian love affair I had with a custodian at JJC. I went into detail, and I mean detail, about just... eating pussy, playing with clit, fucking rubbing clams together. But I made it sound like we were making love, you know what I mean? Of course, I’m a virgin, none of that shit happened. Hanna figured that out after talking to the group leaders, who knew me better and were a little pissed off. However, despite Holly finding out that I was lying... I still turned her gay.
Tails is in awe.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I’m honestly glad I did it. Like, I helped her discover her identity. I may have lied, but she found herself in the process.
Kikalo takes another sip and looks over to Holly and Hanna. Holly turns away.
TAILS Isn’t she also into BDSM?
KIKALO Her favorite book is Fifty Shades of Grey , so... not really.
Kikalo grabs a hash brown and munches down on it.
TAILS I’m sorry you have relationship troubles.
KIKALO Well, I don’t have them right now! Sure, I have my squabbles with Bill, (MORE) (CONTINUED)
62. CONTINUED: (8) KIKALO (CONT'D) but we love each other at the end of the day. I’m sure you’ve had a fight or two with Melinda.
Kikalo takes another bite of her hash brown.
TAILS Right... Melinda.
KIKALO So, tell me about this girl. You’ve been together a long time?
TAILS Yeah, four years. She’s not real.
KIKALO She’s not?
TAILS I’d go as far as to say she is an imaginary friend.
Tails recoils, bracing for impact. Kikalo takes another bite of her hash brown.
KIKALO Now... when you say imaginary friend, you mean like... Elvis imaginary friend... or Tyler Durden imaginary friend?
TAILS Tyler Durden?
KIKALO You ever seen Fight Club ?
TAILS No.
KIKALO Shit. Never mind. What do you mean by imaginary?
TAILS Like, I pretend that I have this girlfriend that’s there for me after school. She brightens up my day and she... helps me dig through my mind to (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
63. CONTINUED: (9) TAILS (CONT'D) find... what I’m really feeling.
KIKALO Ah, so Elvis imaginary friend.
TAILS Yeah, but I wouldn’t fuck Elvis.
Tails puts his hand over his mouth. Kikalo cracks up.
KIKALO Nice, nice.
Beat.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I mean, come on. Don’t be ashamed. Everyone jerks off! You do it to Melinda, Holly does it to me, I do it to Alex Turner; everyone fucking jerks off! It’s just no one wants to talk about it but me.
Kikalo eats some eggs.
TAILS Yeah, I guess.
Tails eats his donut.
KIKALO Now, tell me. What does this perfect woman look like?
Tails looks up towards the ceiling.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I want to visualize Melinda.
Beat.
TAILS Um... size C chest...
KIKALO Nice, middle ground.
TAILS ...very seductive, soft voice...
(CONTINUED)
64. CONTINUED: (10)
KIKALO Oh yeah, I bet she does.
TAILS ...heart-melting smile...
KIKALO Very cute.
TAILS ...and a mongoose.
Tails looks directly at Kikalo. She stares at him while holding a piece of egg on a fork.
KIKALO Mongoose?
TAILS Well, she’s kinda human.
KIKALO So you’re a furry?
Tails sighs.
TAILS Yeah. Yeah, that’s the correct term.
Kikalo stares for a bit, then snaps out of it.
KIKALO Okay.
Kikalo eats her eggs.
TAILS That’s okay?
KIKALO What? You think I have a problem with it? You want me to?
TAILS No, no, I didn’t mean... I don’t... I don’t suit or anything.
KIKALO It doesn’t make a difference to me. We all have that one thing we’re into.
(CONTINUED)
65. CONTINUED: (11)
Tails lets out a big sigh and leans back.
TAILS Oh thank god. I thought I was done for.
KIKALO What? You think someone like me is weirded out by furries? As long as it’s anthro, I don’t give a fuck. I mean, hell, Link used to be a clopper.
TAILS Link was?
KIKALO Fuck yeah, probably still is, come to think of it. He had a hard-on for Fluttershy and everything.
TAILS I was always more into Rainbow Dash- god fucking dammit!
Tails facepalms. Kikalo cracks up.
KIKALO You too?
TAILS I mean, only for a while. I lost interest.
KIKALO This is fucking great.
TAILS You sure you don’t care?
KIKALO I don’t care if you wanna penetrate some poor pony’s plot, or hatefuck a sweaty Vinyl Scratch in workout clothes, or want Cheese Sandwich to eat you with his anus, or masturbate furiously to the Mane Six being raped by their moms with twenty foot long dicks. Everyone knows the internet’s a strange place, but only Hot Topic and my people know how truly strange and fucked up it can get. So fuck whoever (MORE) (CONTINUED)
66. CONTINUED: (12) KIKALO (CONT'D) kinkshames you. I’ll only be concerned with pedophilia, loli or an incest fetish if it’s with your actual family. And even then, that’s your private fetish! Besides, some of that incest anime I watched during my yaoi phase was pretty fucking steamy.
Kikalo finishes her hash brown. Tails shakes his head as he picks up his glass of milk.
TAILS We only met three days ago.
Tails drinks his milk.
KIKALO I know, isn’t it wild?
TAILS Not even my parents know about this shit.
KIKALO Why would they? It’s fucking disgusting.
Tails tilts his head.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I’m kidding! Lighten up!
Tails shakes his head and drinks more of his milk.
TAILS Tell me this though.
Tails sets his milk down.
TAILS (CONT'D) By “your people,” you mean the hipsters, right?
KIKALO Muy bien.
TAILS What made you want to become one?
(CONTINUED)
67. CONTINUED: (13)
KIKALO Why does anyone become anything?
Beat.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I guess because I wanted a word for “being better than everyone else.” I get the know-how on all the best up- and-coming bands out there in the indie scene. I don’t have to give a fuck about what fucking clothes I put on every morning. I’m a “cool girl” to all the guys, but too cool for most, enabling me to weed out all the dickheads and find my knight in a Shinedown T-shirt. I can be what I want, who I want, how I want.
Kikalo reaches for her cup of coffee.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Oh, and I can claim I was the audience for Wes Anderson before regular white people ruined it.
Kikalo drinks her coffee. Tails is about to say something, but doesn’t. (Depending on the rights) “Making Time” by The Creation begins to play.
EXT. SILVER DOLLAR - DAY
In slow-motion, Kikalo walks out of Silver Dollar with a toothpick in her mouth, looking badass. Tails follows behind her, but trips on the curb. He catches himself before falling to the ground. Kikalo doesn’t turn around and keeps walking.
EXT. OPEN ROAD - DAY
The van speeds along an open road surrounded by crop fields.
KIKALO (V.O.) So why a mongoose?
EXT. CROP FIELD - DAY
Tails and Kikalo sit by the side of the road near a crop field. They drink cans of root beer.
(CONTINUED)
68. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS I don’t know. I guess I just looked at a bunch of stuff on DeviantArt, and of what I saw, I like the mongooses the most. Eventually, that was all I looked for.
KIKALO So, is Melinda based on someone's OC?
TAILS No, no, I came up with her on my own.
KIKALO Yeah, I thought so. I mean, you can’t draw a sexy voice.
Beat.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Am I really the only one who knows?
Tails sips from his can of root beer.
TAILS No, Ian knows.
KIKALO So, he equates homosexuality with bestiality. Of course he fucking does.
Kikalo sips from her can of root beer.
TAILS I mean, I understand the taboo, but I wish he'd leave my personal life out of it. You know, sometimes I think that it’s just not worth it, and I should just pretend to be normal, but then I remember no one knows who I am anyway so it doesn’t matter. I’ll just be me I guess. If people are upset, it's their fault for defining me.
KIKALO I can relate. You know, after Perks of Being a Wallflower came out, there were so many middle-class fucking white girls trying to be Sam. It was fucking embarrassing. especially since they were all more like Susan than (MORE) (CONTINUED)
69. CONTINUED: (3) KIKALO (CONT'D) Sam. “Oh my God, ’Come On, Eileen’ is my favorite song! Dexy’s is the best band ever!” “Well, can you name any of their other songs?” “...Screw you, Kikalo.” It’s like people dismiss me because I make them look like posers. I’m an original hipster; an OH if you will. People at our school call me names.
TAILS Really?
KIKALO Juno, New Girl, Ramona Flowers, Lana Del Rey; that last one fucking cracks me up. I do like getting called Aubrey Plaza, though, since she is an absolute goddess. Oh, and I fucking swear, until she plays, like, a Bond girl or some shit, I’m gonna get called Greta Gerwig till the day I graduate. I don’t even fucking look like her! If they wanted to be more accurate, I’d suggest calling me Parker Posey, but since they saw Greta in... I don’t know, that fucking Natalie Portman movie, and they somehow know she does a bunch of indie films, that’s what some of them have dubbed me.
TAILS Damn.
Beat. Tails sips.
KIKALO So, you do photography?
TAILS Yeah. I want to focus on it when I go to college. I’ve made all my money sending nature photos to newspapers. I even got a photo featured in a magazine that, like, ninety people bought, so that was pretty cool.
KIKALO Anything other than nature?
(CONTINUED)
70. CONTINUED: (4)
TAILS Not really.
Tails takes another sip.
KIKALO You ever thought about people?
TAILS Well, yeah, but I just like Melinda.
KIKALO No, photographing people.
TAILS Oh, yeah. But I don’t really have anyone to photograph.
Kikalo leans into Tails with a grin.
KIKALO How about nude photography?
TAILS Nude photography?
KIKALO I mean, if you want to start taking pictures of people, maybe not. That might not be for beginners, but... you seem like you know what you’re doing.
TAILS Who would model for me?
Kikalo pauses.
KIKALO Why not me?
They look at each other. Kikalo blushes.
TAILS Are you serious?
Kikalo collects herself.
KIKALO I mean, it’d only be to tease my boyfriend. If I’m gonna send him nudes, I’ll wanna be classy about it. (MORE) (CONTINUED)
71. CONTINUED: (5) KIKALO (CONT'D) Oh, speaking of him, I almost forgot! I left my watch at his work. I’m sorry to do this, but hey; it’s a record store. You may find something there.
Kikalo gets up and walks to her van. Tails watches her leave, then looks back to his root beer can.
KIKALO (CONT'D) (O/S) You coming?
Tails looks up.
INT. WHIRLED RECORDS - DAY
Kikalo walks into a record store, Tails right behind her.
KIKALO Sup, bitches?
BILLY OAKLEY, a black man in his early twenties with dark locks of hair, stands behind a glass counter. He wears a Watsky T-shirt and jeans.
BILLY Now look what the angels sent me today.
KIKALO You know I’m really a bat out of hell.
Kikalo kisses Billy.
BILLY Tastes like corn.
Kikalo playfully slaps Billy’s arm.
KIKALO So, I left my watch in here. You guys still have it?
BILLY You got a watch?
KIKALO Yeah, how else am I supposed to know what time it is?
(CONTINUED)
72. CONTINUED: (2)
BILLY Well... a phone.
KIKALO What the fuck? I didn’t know phones could do that now!
BILLY Who’s the kid?
Kikalo pulls Tails up to the counter.
KIKALO Billy, I’d like you to meet my new friend, Tails.
BILLY Weren’t you the one she saved from an ass-whooping?
TAILS It was less an ass-whooping and more like attempted murder.
BILLY Still, she saved your ass.
TAILS Yeah, yeah, she did.
KIKALO And there’s nothing wrong with that.
JASON QUAN (O/S) Oakley!
Tails looks towards the back corner near the counter.
BILLY Aw, shit.
JASON QUAN, a young, short Japanese-American man, walks out from the back corner office. He wears a sweater vest and glasses.
JASON QUAN What’s going on here, Billy?
BILLY It’s just Kikalo.
(CONTINUED)
73. CONTINUED: (3)
JASON QUAN You just started your shift and you think it’s acceptable to be chatting with your girlfriend?
BILLY Yes I do, Jason. Maybe if you had a girlfriend, you’d do the same thing.
JASON QUAN Very funny. If I had a girlfriend, I think she would respect my work ethic.
Jason looks over to the CD section of the store and notices something.
JASON QUAN (CONT'D) Billy!
BILLY Damn, Jason. I’m right here!
JASON QUAN What is this bull?
Jason points to the “New CDs” end cap.
JASON QUAN (CONT'D) Why are the copies of Kyonyū no longer in the “New CDs” section?
BILLY They’re in there, Jason.
JASON QUAN I don’t see them.
BILLY They’re hidden behind Best Coast’s new joint.
JASON QUAN Why did you obscure them?
BILLY I “obscured” them because they’re a month and a half old. Not exactly new?
JASON QUAN But I told you to keep them in the “New CD” section!
(CONTINUED)
74. CONTINUED: (4)
BILLY They are!
JASON QUAN Well, they should be front and top!
Jason points again to the end cap.
JASON QUAN (CONT'D) I mean, what... what about... what about Cherry Bomb ? That’s months old.
BILLY It’s not even a month old yet.
JASON QUAN But the album sucks.
BILLY I actually kinda like it; I think Tyler really comes into his own.
JASON QUAN And you don’t like my album!
BILLY No, I don’t!
Billy scrunches his face in regret. Jason gasps.
JASON QUAN What the heck did you just say?
BILLY Here we go.
JASON QUAN Boki in the Dark Woki are the first Asian-American rock band to address social issues from an Asian-American perspective. None of this universal, pop poop. We’re like Kendrick Lamar, but Asian and not rappers.
BILLY Then how are you like Kendrick?
JASON QUAN Because we’re real! And we’re gonna be big because people like real!
(CONTINUED)
75. CONTINUED: (5)
BILLY Hopsin says the same damn thing.
Jason shakes his head.
JASON QUAN You know what? You want to work overtime? How does 10:30 sound to you? Does that sound like overtime? Does it, huh?
Jason storms off to the back room. He pokes out his head.
JASON QUAN (CONT'D) Respect my flipping art!
Jason slams the door. Tails stares. Kikalo leans forward.
KIKALO So about my watch...
Billy sighs.
BILLY Right. You’ll have to get it from Jason. He has a lost and found.
KIKALO Cool. Wait here.
Kikalo walks to the back room.
BILLY So how long you known her for?
Tails looks to Billy.
TAILS Oh, um, three days. You?
BILLY Well, we’ve been together for almost three months now. Met at the Metro in Chicago at a Cloud Nothings concert. We really connect when it comes to music, you know? From what I heard, she’s getting you into her music.
TAILS Yeah, I guess.
(CONTINUED)
76. CONTINUED: (6)
BILLY Like she wants to connect.
TAILS Oh no, we share a lot of interests. I mean, we both love Neutral Milk Hotel; I was a fan before I met her.
BILLY Favorite album by them?
TAILS Naturally, In the Aeroplane Over The Sea .
BILLY Nah, see, I’m more of an On Avery Island kind of guy.
TAILS Really? It’s rare I find someone who likes that album better.
BILLY Yeah, I mean, I love Aeroplane just fine, but On Avery Island appeals to more than just a few emotions. It lets me remember and recall more memories, and actually lets me delve deeper into those memories more so than Aeroplane did. Like, I’ll remember losing someone listening to “Oh Comely” and be like, “I was at this nigga’s funeral and cried.” Or I’ll listen to the title track and think about how my aunt had Alzheimer’s. But I’ll listen to fucking “Naomi” and not just remember my biggest crush in high school, but I’ll remember the way she fucking walked, her shade of lipstick, the friends we shared; all that shit. I’ll listen to “You’ve Passed” and not just think about my aunt, but the pivotal moments in our relationship, the most challenging moments for both of us, and what our final hours together were like. It’s that mix of poetry and tone that conjures that shit up. Know what I mean?
(CONTINUED)
77. CONTINUED: (7)
TAILS Yeah, that’s... that’s actually really insightful.
Beat. Tails glances to his left, surprised.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) Huh! What do you know? Billy was actually pretty cool! I wondered why they fought all the time.
BILLY Thanks, man. I’m not bashing Aeroplane , just to be clear. I just prefer On Avery Island .
TAILS No, I get you, man. I like that album, too.
Tails smiles and nods.
TAILS (CONT'D) What kind of name is Boki in the Dark Woki?
BILLY No fucking clue, man.
Kikalo walks out of the back room.
KIKALO Alright, got it back.
Kikalo shows her watch, then puts it on.
BILLY Nice.
KIKALO Well, I gotta run by my house real quick. See you tonight, Billy.
Billy waves goodbye.
BILLY See ya.
Kikalo leaves with Tails.
(CONTINUED)
78. CONTINUED: (8)
JASON QUAN (O/S) Buy my album!
EXT. KIKALO’S HOUSE - DAY
Kikalo parks her van in front of her house. She gets out, while Tails stays in. She turns around.
KIKALO You want to come in?
TAILS I mean, if you’re just getting something-
KIKALO No, I’d like it if you came in.
The two stare at each other.
TAILS Okay, cool.
Tails unbuckles and gets out of the van. The two walk towards her house.
KIKALO I want you to meet my brother. I think you’ll like him.
TAILS Really?
KIKALO Let’s just say you share some common interests.
Kikalo unlocks the door.
INT. KIKALO’S HOUSE - DAY
Kikalo and Tails walk in.
KIKALO Dave, we’re home!
DAVE (O/S) What do you mean “we’re”?
(CONTINUED)
79. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO Tails is here. The one I’ve been telling you about?
INT. KIKALO’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Kikalo and Tails walk in. Tails freezes. Dave Kelley is sitting on the couch watching TV. He looks at Tails.
DAVE What’s up, man?
TAILS Dave the Bastard?
Kikalo looks at Tails with an irked look.
KIKALO You’re a fan?
TAILS Kikalo, where’s your bathroom?
INT. KIKALO’S BATHROOM - DAY
Tails closes the bathroom door and locks it. He grabs a towel and holds his tight over his mouth. He muffles his screams and rocks back and forth.
TAILS Okay, okay. Calm down. You can do this.
Tails lowers the towel.
TAILS (CONT'D) You can do this. Just breathe. Okay? Just breathe.
Tails takes deep breaths.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) Needless to say, Dave and I hit it off pretty quickly...
INT. KIKALO’S LIVING ROOM - NOON
Dave and Tails chat while Kikalo sits detached from them, looking at her phone.
(CONTINUED)
80. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS (V.O.) ...much to Kikalo’s chagrin.
DAVE To be honest, I don’t have any desire to fur suit.
TAILS Yeah, I don’t, either. If anything, it’d make it easier to single me out.
DAVE Exactly! Back in college, I was a fucking laughing stock. Sure, they have those “safe spaces” now, but what about life in the “unsafe spaces”? Gotta prepare us for that!
TAILS But bless the people who do it though. They don’t give a single fuck.
DAVE As much as I yiff more than anything, I will always have respect for the wholesome people in our fandom. Especially now after that chlorine bomb at Midwest Furfest.
TAILS One of my favorite moments of yours is you going off on Morning Joe .
DAVE Even if you find furries amusing, hold your laughter the fuck in when they had a near-death experience! Though I’m glad you liked that rant. I thought I got too Alex Jones-y around the time I talked about mass media.
TAILS No, it was great! They want to act tolerant of everyone over at MSNBC and be on the right side of history. Meanwhile, they don’t take a terrorist attack seriously when it happens to people in expensive, silly costumes!
(CONTINUED)
81. CONTINUED: (3)
DAVE Like I said, one minute they’ll suck Brianna Wu’s fucking clit, then they’re laughing at people who are different. Goddamn.
Kikalo stands up.
KIKALO Well, I’m glad you guys like each other. Enough to talk a whole hour, as it turns out. But I’ve got some more plans for today.
DAVE Oh, yeah, don’t let me hold you back or anything.
Kikalo rolls her eyes.
DAVE (CONT'D) I’m really happy to meet you, man.
The two shake hands.
TAILS To meet me? I’m so happy to meet you!
DAVE We gotta talk again sometime.
KIKALO Yeah, you do.
Kikalo pulls Tails up and drags him off.
DAVE You can stop by the station anytime. Just tell them you’re a friend.
TAILS That means the world to me!
DAVE Great... great to hear!
Tails and Kikalo have left the room. Dave waves goodbye.
DAVE (CONT'D) I’ll see...
(CONTINUED)
82. CONTINUED: (4)
Dave drops his hand.
DAVE (CONT'D) Why am I waving my hand? There’s no one in the fucking room.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - NOON
Kikalo cleans up her room as Tails sits on the bed.
TAILS I can’t believe your brother is Dave Kelley!
KIKALO I thought you knew my last name was Kelley.
TAILS I mean, it’s a common last name.
KIKALO I guess so. A lot of people mistake it for a From Justin to Kelly reference.
Kikalo sits on the bed.
TAILS But how come you don’t have a Southern accent?
KIKALO My mom was raised in Shreveport, Louisiana, while my dad was raised in Spokane, Washington. They all lived in Baton Rouge until I was born, so Dave kept his Southern accent while I gained a Midwestern accent.
TAILS So, I take it from Dave your parents aren’t around much then.
KIKALO No, they haven’t been for a while.
TAILS I’m sorry to hear that. Whenever he brings them up on the show, he always says they're "not around."
(CONTINUED)
83. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO Well, nowadays they like to hang around the cemetery... because they’re... they’re dead.
Tails is floored.
TAILS Oh my god, I’m so sorry.
KIKALO Eh, it’s fine. It was three years ago. It was the weirdest thing though.
Beat.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Do you want to know what happened?
TAILS Uh, I mean...
KIKALO That was another test.
Tails squints. Kikalo shrugs.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Fuck it, I’ll tell you.
Kikalo takes a toothpick out of her pocket and puts it in her mouth.
KIKALO (CONT'D) So, Dave was graduating from college. My parents and I were so happy for him. He was looking forward to interning at Sirius that June with a goddamn Bachelor’s in broadcast communications. He had a future and we were proud of his success. So we were driving to DePaul, and it was raining like hell. I remember Mom wouldn’t shut the fuck up about the weather; she was checking her million fucking weather apps every five minutes.
Kikalo smiles awkwardly.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I was listening to “Sweater Weather” (MORE) (CONTINUED)
84. CONTINUED: (3) KIKALO (CONT'D) on the drive. I loved that song when it first dropped. I think I listened to it at least twice a day after it came out. Once in the morning, once in the evening. It was building up to that really slow part near the end of the song, which is just so soothing and serene... and then we crashed. Semi had pulled out too early as Dad tried to beat the yellow light. Mom yelled “Are you crazy?” I looked up and the whiplash actually made me close the phone as we were crashing. So there was no soundtrack for my near- death experience, which sucked.
The toothpick falls out of Kikalo’s mouth. She picks it up and puts it between her fingers.
TAILS Were you hurt at all?
KIKALO Not that much. I bumped my head on the top part of the window, like the plastic that’s part of the hood and holds the window in place. So that was a nasty bruise. Also I sprained my right ankle, but that cleared up in about a day. But I was fucking sore in the immediate aftermath. I can still remember my eyelashes fluttering, my fucking head spinning; it was maddening. And then I realized that my parents were hurt. I saw their heads lying back. Immediately, I had to unbuckle my seat belt, sore as I was, hop over the seats and run over to my dad. I shook his unconscious body, shouting at him with tears in my eyes, “Dad, wake up! You gotta wake up, Dad! Dad, please for the love of God, wake up!”
Beat.
KIKALO (CONT'D) And then the ambulances came. When I was in the hospital, I kept thinking about how fucked up Dave was gonna be. (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
85. CONTINUED: (4) KIKALO (CONT'D) Not how fucked up I was already, but how fucked up he would be. Think about it: the worst day of Dave’s life was supposed to be the best day of his life. And that’s how he became my guardian.
Kikalo nods her head. She tosses the toothpick in a wastebasket by her bed.
TAILS Wow.
KIKALO You want to hear me play guitar?
Tails is silent and wide-eyed. Kikalo hops off the bed and grabs her acoustic guitar.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Have any song requests?
Kikalo hops back onto the bed.
TAILS Um... no.
KIKALO No requests?
TAILS Not... really.
KIKALO Are you just drawing a blank because I told you about my parents dying and tried changing the subject too quickly?
TAILS Yes!
Kikalo points at Tails.
KIKALO There’s that honesty I love. You know what, I have a song in mind.
Kikalo strums the guitar.
(CONTINUED)
86. CONTINUED: (5)
KIKALO (CONT'D) Shit.
Kikalo tunes the guitar until it sounds right.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Sorry, lemme just...
Kikalo continues tuning and strumming.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Okay, it should be good.
Kikalo strums the guitar. (Depending on the rights) She sings the first English-language verse of “99 Luftballoons.”
Kikalo stops, then looks up at Tails.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I’m still learning that one. I know most of the English lyrics, but I don’t have it down just yet.
Tails stares in awe.
KIKALO (CONT'D) The band’s actually playing tonight. I’m sure you’ll be fine with tagging along.
TAILS Fuck yeah.
KIKALO Glad to hear it. Watch my guitar, I need to freshen up.
Kikalo takes off the guitar and walks out of the room. Tails watches her leave. He looks at the guitar and pictures of her on her bed stand. He blinks.
TAILS (V.O.) And that's when I knew I was in love.
EXT. OPEN ROAD - NOON
The van speeds across the freeway.
(CONTINUED)
87. CONTINUED: (2)
INT. KIKALO’S VAN - NOON
Kikalo jams out to the first instrumental break of “99 Luftballoons.” Tails looks at her before jamming out as well.
MONTAGE:
Various shots of Coal City. Stops on an exterior shot of an apartment building.
INT. LINK'S APARTMENT - NOON
Kikalo knocks on an apartment door. Link opens the door.
LINK Dippy-do-fucking-wa, faggots! Come on in!
Kikalo and Tails walk in. The apartment is messy, with garbage, papers, books, and narcotics scattered across the apartment.
LINK (CONT'D) I just had the place cleaned.
KIKALO Really nice of GG Allin to help you out like that.
LINK True fucking pal.
Link walks into his kitchen.
KIKALO But seriously, I commend you for throwing out one pizza box from last month. You have to make some room for this month’s pizza boxes.
LINK I’m cutting back, goddammit! Don’t hate me because I’m chubby. Hate me because I’m beautiful.
Link takes a spoon out of a kitchen drawer.
LINK (CONT'D) So, you bringing him tonight or what?
(CONTINUED)
88. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO Of course! How else am I supposed to cap off a perfect day?
LINK You glad you spent it with her, Tails?
TAILS I really am.
KIKALO I took him to breakfast at Silver Dollar, had a few root beers by the Spot, introduced him to my brother, who happened to be his favorite radio host, and played him a bit of “99 Red Balloons.” You know, to warm him up to the big finish.
Link lights a lighter under a spoon.
LINK Jesus Christ, you’re such a fucking cool girl, you two should be drinking cheap beer and watching Adam Sandler movies.
TAILS We also went to a record store.
LINK Lemme guess. Whirled Records?
TAILS Yes.
KIKALO I had to get my watch.
TAILS You know, your boyfriend is actually really cool.
KIKALO You think so?
LINK You two talked? That’s a great fucking idea. Billy loves it when she surrounds herself with guy friends.
(CONTINUED)
89. CONTINUED: (3)
KIKALO What are you getting at?
LINK Remember when he told you a while back, “Where all the girls at? Too many dicks on the dance floor.” Let’s face it, without Amarna and Beatrice, your list of friends would be a fucking reverse harem.
KIKALO Does that make you my bitch?
Link fills up a syringe.
LINK I’m already everybody’s fucking bitch. I put David Hasslehoff to shame, I’m that much of a whore. But at least I have some girls who I don’t fuck. How many ex-boyfriends do you have now?
KIKALO Wow, you’ve already injected today.
LINK Come on, let’s tell Tails all about your exes. It’ll be like showing him your baby pictures.
KIKALO At least in my baby pictures, my parents aren’t beating the shit out of me.
Link smirks as he flicks the needle.
LINK Suck my fucking balls, babe!
KIKALO I hope Princess Celestia takes a giant shit in your mouth, though I think that might turn you on.
LINK Only if it’s the Equestria Girls version of Celestia, though I can settle for her regular form. You watch My Little Pony , Tails?
(CONTINUED)
90. CONTINUED: (4)
TAILS Um, used to.
Link walks into the living room.
LINK Ever watched it stoned?
TAILS No.
LINK Don’t. It’s trippy as hell, but I find it impossible to pay attention to the good fucking story.
KIKALO Even when Faust quit?
LINK That’s when I get stoned more often than not. That and most episodes by Charlotte Fullerton.
Link rummages through his debris.
KIKALO I once drank some cough syrup and watched Sharkboy and Lavagirl . It was fucking terrifying, especially in 3-D.
LINK 3-D and drugs are like drugs and alcohol. Don’t fucking mix that shit unless you want to die.
KIKALO Well, I want to die, but it sounds like a douchey way to go out.
LINK It’s extremely douchey.
KIKALO If I were to kill myself, I’d go with autoerotic asphyxiation.
Link sits in an old armchair.
LINK Fuck yes!
(CONTINUED)
91. CONTINUED: (5)
KIKALO Though I wouldn’t do it while hanging from a doorknob.
LINK Oh god no. I don’t want people thinking I’m fucking short.
KIKALO If I’m going to die, I’m gonna die doing someone I love. But I’ll have some goddamn respect for myself and hang from the fucking ceiling.
LINK Amen to that. But the real question is, are you gonna watch porn while killing yourself or think creatively?
Link rubs a sanitary wipe over his arm.
KIKALO Well, I usually watch porn on my phone, so having to position the rope and flick it at the same time will leave no room to hold the phone. And having to set up the TV, pay for some soft core shit... I’ll just imagine shit.
LINK Can you imagine how porn stars must feel knowing that someone is hanging themselves while jerking off to them?
KIKALO Like the Björk stalker?
LINK Exactly! Some sick fuck is going “Victory” while watching Busty Nurses 25? Painting themselves blue and shit? Fucking wild!
Link shakes his head and smiles. He looks at Tails.
LINK (CONT'D) You okay there, kid?
The two look at an uncomfortable Tails. He clears his throat.
(CONTINUED)
92. CONTINUED: (6)
TAILS I’m sorry, I guess I’m just new to... all of this.
LINK Yeah, we have the mouths of sailors. You’ll get used to it. Maybe you’ll even love it!
Link injects the heroin. He flinches with delight.
LINK (CONT'D) Oh yeah, that’s the good shit! Oh fuck!
Link sinks into his chair, ecstasy on his face. A toilet flushing is heard. A TOPLESS GIRL, wearing jeans and shoes but no bra or shirt, walks out of the bathroom.
TOPLESS GIRL Link, have you seen my shirt anywhere?
The girl stops and looks at Tails and Kikalo.
TOPLESS GIRL (CONT'D) You invited more over?
Link puts a bandage on his arm.
LINK Oh no, these are my friends.
TOPLESS GIRL Oh. Well... hello.
TAILS Hi.
KIKALO What’s good?
The girl examines the couch. Tails is sitting on a black T- shirt.
TOPLESS GIRL Um... you’re... sitting on my shirt.
Tails looks down.
TAILS Oh, sorry.
(CONTINUED)
93. CONTINUED: (7)
Tails stands up. The girl picks up her shirt. She puts it on as she walks over to Link.
TOPLESS GIRL So, I’ve got a meeting with some very important people.
LINK Is that so?
TOPLESS GIRL Yeah, I’ve gotta run.
The girl rubs Link’s thigh.
LINK You sure?
TOPLESS GIRL Yeah I am.
LINK They are very... very important.
TOPLESS GIRL They so are. You gonna call?
LINK Oh, I’ll call you.
TOPLESS GIRL Yeah? You’ll fucking call me?
LINK I’ll fucking call you.
TOPLESS GIRL Oh yeah?
LINK Yeah.
The two tongue kiss. Tails stares. Kikalo checks her phone. Eventually, the girl pecks Link on the cheek and walks out.
TOPLESS GIRL I’ll see ya around.
LINK See ya.
(CONTINUED)
94. CONTINUED: (8)
The girl leaves and closes the door. Link twitches and licks his lips. He looks over to Tails.
LINK (CONT'D) I do a lot of fucking heroin, but I also do a lot of fucking, period.
TAILS Good for you.
LINK Thank you. Let’s get going.
Link claps his hands and gets up from his chair.
EXT. OPENING SOON - NIGHT
Kikalo drives up to a busy bar. Beatrice is outside reading The Inferno .
LINK Well, look who decided to show up.
KIKALO How’s the crowd look tonight, Beatrice?
BEATRICE They go by turns each one unto the judgment; they speak, and hear, and then are downward hurled.
CAPTION: (Canto V, Lines 14-15)
KIKALO How many people?
BEATRICE Thy amount is fifty interchangeable with sixty, whenceforth-
KIKALO Thanks, Beatrice. Looks like we got a crowd tonight, boys.
The three exit the van.
INT. OPENING SOON BAR - NIGHT
The four walk in. Tails is in awe.
(CONTINUED)
95. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS Holy shit.
The bar is very much alive. Several people are on the dance floor, most of the booths and tables are filled, and the indie rock music is bumping.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) It was like the Chicago nightlife came to Coal City.
Link drapes his arm over Tails’ shoulders.
LINK Welcome to Jurassic Park.
Link pats Tails on the back and walks up to the bar. AMARNA, a red-headed petite woman in her late twenties, serves drinks to CUSTOMERS. She sees Kikalo.
AMARNA Kikalo, mi cariño!
KIKALO How you doing, sweetie?
The two hug over the counter.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Tails, this is Amarna. She owns the bar.
AMARNA You want anything to drink? Bourbon, beer, whiskey?
Tails is thrown off by the question.
TAILS Wait... I’m...
Tails leans into Kikalo and whispers.
TAILS (CONT'D) I’m underage.
KIKALO Oh, that’s fine, man. She’s my cousin. We go bowling. If you’re good with me, you’re good with her.
(CONTINUED)
96. CONTINUED: (3)
AMARNA Yeah, if you’re under twenty-one, that’s no problem. I even have the cameras turned off. That’s how little of a fuck I give when it comes to her friends.
TAILS Wait, she’s your cousin?
AMARNA Her father’s brother is my father. He moved to Spain after joining the military, and then we moved back to Joliet.
KIKALO My family is like an STD; we’re fucking everywhere.
AMARNA The last two generations are based in America, but span three continents. So how about that drink, Tails?
TAILS Um, I think I’ll just have a Sprite.
AMARNA You sure? No booze?
TAILS I’m fine.
AMARNA Alright, alright. Is Sierra Mist okay?
TAILS Um, sure.
Amarna goes over to the taps. Link walks up to Tails.
LINK I don’t drink soda. Shit rots your teeth.
AMARNA Yeah, unlike heroin.
Amarna walks back up and serves Tails his soda.
(CONTINUED)
97. CONTINUED: (4)
LINK Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot how much of an upstanding citizen you were. By the way, can I borrow a spliff?
AMARNA It’s called a joint. Only out-of-touch stoners from the seventies call it a spliff.
LINK How can you smoke so much pot but keep such a tight ass?
AMARNA I’m vegan.
LINK Why don’t you just use the proper term for vegans? Back in my day, they were just called “assholes.”
AMARNA You take so much man meat in your mouth, I understand why you don’t like veganism.
LINK Also, I’ll take a rum and coke, señorita.
AMARNA Coming right up... jodida puta yonqui.
Amarna turns around and walks off.
TAILS I understood one of those words.
LINK Me, too.
INT. OPENING SOON - NIGHT
The band is on stage, with Kikalo on guitar, Link on drums, Joplin on trumpet, and Eric on bass and musical saw. Kikalo approaches and taps the microphone.
KIKALO Alright, we’re the Anarchist Coffee Suites! We’re here to chew bubble gum (MORE) (CONTINUED)
98. CONTINUED: (2) KIKALO (CONT'D) and eat ass, and we never run out of ass!
Tiny, muffled laughs from the audience.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Anyway, here’s a song called “Spider Dismemberment.”
LINK Two... one, two, three, four!
Kikalo begins playing her guitar. The song is reminiscent of “Song Against Sex.”
KIKALO Don’t you goddamn move
The sun swallows the cattle’s hoof
And makes all the flowers grow
With sunshine and radiation
She lingers with anticipation
Because she knows something I don’t know
The audience is indifferent for the most part. Tails is into it.
TAILS (V.O.) Of course they were great.
INT. OPENING SOON DANCE FLOOR - MIDNIGHT
Tails leans against a wall and drinks a soft drink, turned away from the loud speakers. Everyone dances around him. An energized Kikalo hops over.
KIKALO It’s fucking popping!
TAILS Yeah, it is.
KIKALO You know you can get drunk if you (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
99. CONTINUED: (2) KIKALO (CONT'D) want. I’m driving.
TAILS I’m good.
KIKALO I’ll buy you a drink.
TAILS Thank you, but I don’t wanna drink tonight.
KIKALO You sure?
TAILS Yeah.
KIKALO Okay, whatever. I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself sober.
TAILS Are you being sarcastic?
KIKALO Course not! I find that having fun while sober can be just as enthralling as doing it drunk.
TAILS If you say so.
Kikalo grabs Tails' shoulder.
KIKALO I mean, you must have had fun the past seventeen years you didn’t know me.
TAILS Do you think I’ve never been drunk?
Kikalo backs away sarcastically.
KIKALO If you say so, Keith Richards. I’ll see you in a bit.
Kikalo dances away. Tails sips from his drink.
(CONTINUED)
100. CONTINUED: (3)
TAILS (V.O.) I had never been drunk. Well, not counting two sips of communion wine in second grade.
Link walks over, grooving out.
LINK What are you doing over here? Why don’t you bust a fucking move, Tails?
TAILS No, man. I only dance when no one is looking.
LINK So you’re a shitty dancer then.
TAILS Pretty much, yeah. Hey, Beatrice.
Beatrice walks over.
BEATRICE Greetings and salutations.
LINK You enjoying yourself, Bea?
BEATRICE Not particularly. I am compelled to depart in due time.
LINK You need a ride home?
BEATRICE I transported thyself here. Therefore logically I shall transport thyself back.
LINK Oh, right... okay. See you on Monday.
Beatrice walks away.
LINK (CONT'D) I forgot that she can drive.
The two stand around. Tails points to nothing in particular.
(CONTINUED)
101. CONTINUED: (4)
TAILS Is this song saying “E’s are good”?
LINK Probably! It’s Madchester after all.
Link looks around.
TAILS When you said ex-boy-
LINK Booty at 2 o’clock. See ya.
Link dances away. Tails shakes his head and drinks his soda.
BILLY (O/S) Ay, yo, Tails!
Tails looks up. Across the room, Billy stands by the bar with two black men, ANTWONE and SUGAR. Billy motions for Tails to come over. Tails is curious. He shifts through the crowd and walks over to the bar.
INT. OPENING SOON BAR - MIDNIGHT
Tails makes it over to Billy.
TAILS What’s going on?
BILLY Nothing much. You?
TAILS Um, same.
BILLY These are my boys, Antwone and Sugar. Sounds like a law firm on Empire , I know.
SUGAR Fuck your ass, man.
TAILS His ass?
ANTWONE Billy’s been telling us you trying to (MORE) (CONTINUED)
102. CONTINUED: (2) ANTWONE (CONT'D) roll with the hipsters.
SUGAR You mean Billy’s girl, the faggot, and the Renaissance Faire girl?
ANTWONE Nah man, that girl isn’t trying to be medieval. It’s the ancient Greeks.
SUGAR Like Zeus?
ANTWONE More like Hades.
SUGAR Hercules?
ANTWONE You like those guys?
TAILS Yeah, I think they’re cool.
BILLY If you didn’t know Kikalo, would you think anything of them?
TAILS Excuse me?
BILLY Never mind. I’m glad you getting along with them. When I met them, we didn’t hit it off right away, but then they grew on me. Shit’s crazy with Link, though.
TAILS I’ve never met anyone who actively uses heroin before.
BILLY Oh yeah?
TAILS There was a guy who gave a speech in my health class last year, but he was a recovering addict.
(CONTINUED)
103. CONTINUED: (3)
BILLY You seen Link’s dick yet?
TAILS No?
BILLY You will.
TAILS Have you?
BILLY What do you think? It’s so traumatizing I remember every detail. Guess his size.
TAILS Guess his size?
BILLY Just guess.
Tails looks around.
TAILS Um... hung?
BILLY This motherfucker said “hung”!
Billy and his friends break out in laughter.
BILLY (CONT'D) You alright, kid!
TAILS Thanks, man. You know, you’re not too bad yourself.
Kikalo walks over to Tails.
KIKALO Hey, baby.
BILLY Hey.
KIKALO I think I’m gonna head out.
(CONTINUED)
104. CONTINUED: (4)
BILLY You sure?
KIKALO Yeah, I got homework tomorrow. You ready to go, Tails?
TAILS I guess so.
KIKALO Alright, let’s head on out. See ya later.
Kikalo grabs Tails’ arm. They walk away.
SUGAR See ya, Kikalo.
ANTWONE See ya, Kikalo.
BILLY Yeah, see ya.
Billy looks on, suspicious. He takes a sip from his drink.
INT. KIKALO’S VAN - MIDNIGHT
Kikalo parks in front of Tails’ house.
TAILS I had such a great time today.
KIKALO Anything for a new friend.
Kikalo hugs Tails. She breaks the hug and there’s an awkward silence.
TAILS Well, I should get some rest!
Tails exits the van.
KIKALO I’ll see you Monday!
TAILS Great, see ya then!
(CONTINUED)
105. CONTINUED: (2)
Kikalo looks on, smiling. He disappears from her sight and she drives away.
INT. TAILS’ KITCHEN - MIDNIGHT
Tails walks into the dark kitchen. He turns on the light. Melinda sits on the counter in the farthest corner from Tails. She eats a banana. He bites his lip before smiling.
TAILS Hi, babe.
Tails takes off his windbreaker.
TAILS (CONT'D) You won’t believe the day I had.
Tails walks towards Melinda.
TAILS (CONT'D) Kikalo... took me out to breakfast at Silver Dollar, then we hung out by the side of the road, drinking root beer and talking about life. Then I found out her brother is... get this... Dave the Bastard. So yeah, I kinda met my idol. Then, she took me to a bar and did a little set with her band. So, then... yeah.
Beat.
TAILS (CONT'D) But of course, nothing can be better than coming home to you.
Melinda glares. Tails’ eyes dart, then look to Melinda. He grins.
TAILS (CONT'D) So, do you want to get started?
Melinda throws the banana peel in Tails’ face. She hops off the counter and walks off. Tails follows her.
INT. TAILS’ BEDROOM - MIDNIGHT
Melinda sits on the side of the bed. Tails walks in.
TAILS Alright, so you’re mad.
(CONTINUED)
106. CONTINUED: (2)
MELINDA No fucking shit!
Melinda jolts up.
MELINDA (CONT'D) Four fucking years, Tails! And now it’s technically four years and one day and you fucking forgot about our anniversary!
TAILS Alright, come on. A lot of people don’t have sex on their anniversary.
MELINDA I guess so. Too bad most of our relationship revolves around us fucking!
TAILS There’s also the intimacy.
MELINDA But mostly fucking! Can you hear yourself right now? You act like you don’t care!
TAILS I do care!
MELINDA If you cared, you would’ve been here all day long, making love to me like never before.
TAILS Have you forgotten that you’re part of my imagination?
MELINDA So you- you’d prefer to hang out with people you barely know and not with your imaginary friend of four years? Good to fucking know!
Melinda walks to the door. Tails backs out of her way.
TAILS Why do you have to be like this?
(CONTINUED)
107. CONTINUED: (3)
Melinda stops and pivots back around. There’s tears in her eyes.
MELINDA Do you like that girl? Like like her?
TAILS Like like her? No.
MELINDA Do you love her then?
TAILS These goddamn doubts, Melinda! Can’t I have friends? When I said I made friends, you were so happy for me. And now that I’m hanging out with them, you’re blowing a fucking fuse! Aren’t you happy? Or is this a symptom of the fucking attitude you’ve been coping all fucking week?
MELINDA Don’t you get it? It’s not that we can have sex whenever we want. It’s that this sex was a milestone. We’ve fucked in every bathroom in this house, in your bedroom, in the basement, in hotel bathrooms, even once in the basement kitchen at your aunt and uncle’s house. We’re monogamous nymphomaniacs! But if there was one time- one fucking time- that we were to consummate and make it worth a damn, it was supposed to be this Saturday! Now it’s Sunday and all that happened yesterday was a morning blowjob! You disappointed the one person in your life that you haven’t disappointed before! How could you?
TAILS Why can’t we just have sex right now?
Melinda slaps Tails across the face. He reacts in disbelief. (Depending on the rights) “Gangsta” by Tune-Yards begins to play.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) She slapped me. She fucking slapped (MORE) (CONTINUED)
108. CONTINUED: (4) TAILS (CONT'D) me.
Tails rubs his face.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) I didn’t know what to do when she slapped me, so... I took it as a yes.
Tails straightens up and looks directly at Melinda.
TAILS (CONT'D) Hit me again. Hit me again please.
Melinda is confused and disgusted. She raises her arm to slap him again. Tails catches her arm before it makes contact. He kisses her, taking her aback. The two begin to make out and passionately and ferociously grab and squeeze each other.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) That night, I knew nothing would ever be the same. But for that moment, I wanted to fuck Melinda so good that it seemed like things were still the same. Just for now, I wanted to throw away my responsibility along with all of my clothes.
Tails and Melinda lie down on the bed. Tails rubs Melinda’s crotch over her shorts. He rips open her buttoned shirt with his other hand, revealing her right breast. He sucks on her nipples. Melinda moans and grabs his shirt to take it off.
A now-shirtless Tails removes Melinda’s shorts and panties. He rubs her clit and goes down on her at the same time. She moans aggressively.
MELINDA Goddammit, put it inside me.
TAILS Gotta let me finish, babe.
Melinda grabs Tails’ hair as he finishes giving head. She writhes in pleasure. Tails unzips his jeans.
Tails, completely naked, rams his penis inside of Melinda’s vagina. He aggressively thrusts into her as she reacts with amazement. He goes faster and faster. Melinda becomes louder
(CONTINUED)
109. CONTINUED: (5) and louder.
Melinda loudly orgasms. She is quivering and Tails stops thrusting. She grabs his neck and brings him close. The two lock eyes.
MELINDA I want you to fuck me in the ass.
Tails’ eyes widen.
TAILS Absolutely!
Tails pulls out and Melinda shivers. She takes deep breaths and flips over.
Melinda pushes herself up on all fours. Tails kneels and slowly places his penis in her anus. Melinda shakes.
MELINDA Holy fucking shit! Ohhhh!
Tails thrusts hard into her ass. He sweats bullets and breathes fast. Melinda moans in joy as he thrusts.
TAILS Oh fuck!
MELINDA Yeah, that feels good! You feel good?
TAILS Oh God yes!
Tails is ready to climax. The anal sex gets more aggressive. He grips her ass tighter, digging his nails into her cheeks. Melinda is in absolute heaven.
MELINDA Oh god I’m gonna cum!
TAILS You cum with me, baby. You better fucking come with me!
Tails slows down, his thrusts growing larger as they both climax at the same time. Tails is in shock as he cums, then pulls out his erect penis, dripping with semen.
MONTAGE:
(CONTINUED)
110. CONTINUED: (6)
INT. JUNIOR HALLWAY - DAY
Concurrently edited with the sex scene, Tails hangs around Kikalo and her crew.
In slow motion, Kikalo, Tails, Link and Beatrice walk down the hallway. She has a toothpick in her mouth and looks badass.
INT. SENIOR HALLWAY - DAY
Link empties out his locker. He puts his old notebooks into a tin bucket. He carries everything off.
INT. DOLLAR STORE - EVENING
Kikalo, Tails, and Link run around grabbing various items: lighter fluid, lumber, Graham crackers, marshmallows, and thin fireplace pokers.
EXT. OPEN FIELD - EVENING
At sunset, Link takes his high school notebooks out of the bucket. He tears a small portion of one page and throws the rest of the notebooks onto the wood. Kikalo squirts the lighter fluid and Link ignites the fire with a match.
Link, Kikalo, Tails, and Beatrice dance around the fire and roast marshmallows. Beatrice is quite passive, reading The Inferno while roasting her marshmallow, and spitting out her S'more when it’s too burnt.
The four run to Kikalo’s van.
EXT. OPEN ROAD - NIGHT
The van speeds down the road. The passenger doors are open, with Kikalo and Tails standing on the ledges, cheering and living in the moment.
INT. GREEN ROOM - NIGHT
Time lapse of the Opening Soon green room, where the four occasionally hang out, sometimes with other bands. At one point, Billy and Kikalo are on the couch making out and humping.
INT. OPENING SOON BAR - NIGHT
Time lapse of the busy bar.
(CONTINUED)
111. CONTINUED: (2)
INT. OPENING SOON - NIGHT
Time lapse of the stage. When the Anarchist Coffee Suites perform, the time lapse stops as they rock out. Tails watches from the audience. Kikalo sees him and winks.
INT. GYMNASIUM - DAY
In a crowded gymnasium, a SHOW CHOIR made up of seniors in purple graduating robes performs. A piano begins to play and a GRADUATING SINGER approaches a microphone. (Depending on the rights) They begin singing the intro to “See You Again.”
Onstage, the PRINCIPAL announces the graduating students as FACULTY MEMBERS hand out diplomas.
SHOW CHOIR (O/S) Oh-oh-ohhhhh-ohhhh!
PRINCIPAL Elaine Laddy.
Applause.
PRINCIPAL (CONT'D) Link Later.
Applause. Link receives his diploma. He gives a thumbs up to the crowd.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - NOON
Link kicks the front door open. Tails and Kilalo carry him out. Beatrice tags behind.
LINK Free at last, free at last! Thank God almighty, I am free at last!
KIKALO Let us know what the outside world is like.
LINK Oh, I’ve been so sheltered!
TAILS But really, congrats, man. You got out of this shithole before us.
(CONTINUED)
112. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO I’m jealous as fuck!
BEATRICE I find myself with much agreement.
LINK Thanks, kiddos.
SALLY STEADMAN (O/S) Miles!
The four look behind them. Tails’ parents walk towards them.
SALLY STEADMAN (CONT'D) Aren’t you coming home with us?
TOM STEADMAN Are these the friends you’ve been telling us about?
Link shakes Tom’s hand.
LINK Mr. Steadman, a pleasure to meet you.
TOM STEADMAN Congratulations on graduating.
LINK Thank you very much, sir.
SALLY STEADMAN You coming home?
Tails looks at his friends.
TAILS Is it okay if I hang out with these guys? We were planning to go out to a graduation party downtown.
SALLY STEADMAN You should’ve told us that before.
TOM STEADMAN Go right ahead. It’s a celebration.
TAILS Really?
(CONTINUED)
113. CONTINUED: (3)
TOM STEADMAN Yeah, sure.
TAILS Thank you so much. I love you guys!
Tails hugs his parents. He and the others walk off. He gives his dad a thumbs up, who does the same. Tom looks at Sally.
SALLY STEADMAN Tom, you shouldn’t encourage him to spring things on us like that!
TOM STEADMAN Just let him be a teenager. He barely gets out of his own room. Just look at how happy he is now!
Tails gets into Kikalo’s van. Sally is still worried, but Tom smiles.
TOM STEADMAN (CONT'D) In just eleven days, he’s able to make three friends! Just think of all the fun they’re having!
INT. LINK'S APARTMENT - EVENING
Link injects heroin.
LINK Woo!
Link prepares to inject some more.
TAILS (V.O.) Link had the tolerance of a Buddhist fucking monk. I will always be shocked at how he could inject so much heroin into himself without so much as feeling faint. Kikalo told me-
Tails sits on the couch with Kikalo. The two eat cake.
KIKALO He’s actually ODed three times.
TAILS (V.O.) ...which was still impressive.
(CONTINUED)
114. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO He always bounced back.
Link injects.
LINK Damn straight. Ah-ha!
Beatrice looks at Link, eating cake. She shakes her head.
TAILS (V.O.) If you took one look at Link, you would think you knew him. In some ways, your assumptions about him would be right, but other times you were gravely mistaken. He was someone who was relentless in his shamelessness. That’s what drew people to him. That’s what drew women to him. He was irresistible because he seemed like he wasn’t ashamed of who he was.
LINK It's the new Willennium! We still got shit to do!
Link gets up, does a small dance and trips over his chair.
INT. GREEN ROOM - NIGHT
A band is heard rocking out onstage. Kikalo checks her phone. Link is annoyed.
LINK Of course on graduation night, they had to schedule the Wes Chavez Band before us. Tell Amarna she’s taking an L for this.
KIKALO Don’t take it too personally.
TAILS What’s wrong with them?
LINK What the fuck isn’t wrong with them?
KIKALO When we started out, Wes Chavez did an (MORE) (CONTINUED)
115. CONTINUED: (2) KIKALO (CONT'D) interview where he said Opening Soon is his favorite place to do gigs, specifically on nights when the bartender’s cousin doesn’t drag out her, and I quote, “rag-tag group of slags.”
TAILS Slags?
KIKALO Yeah, he called the band “slags.” He’s from Montana.
LINK And racist! He’s also really, really fucking racist! He thinks Kikalo and Billy are promoting white genocide!
BEATRICE ‘Tis an illusory abstraction.
KIKALO I wish I were promoting white genocide. That would mean I’m getting laid.
LINK He’s in the alt-right for fuck’s sake!
TAILS What’s the alt-right?
KIKALO He means neo-Nazis.
BEATRICE Gledes, the lot of them.
The green room door opens. WES CHAVEZ, a twentysomething light-skinned Mexican, walks in with his BANDMATES.
WES CHAVEZ What the fuck is up? We haven’t seen you kids in a hot minute!
KIKALO Well, you guys have been so busy doing dive bars in Chicago.
(CONTINUED)
116. CONTINUED: (3)
WES CHAVEZ Good point, but you know we’ll never forget about the little people! Even if we’ve been opening for actual bands, we’re always willing to do some charitable work!
LINK Tell your mom I enjoyed sucking her dick last night.
WES CHAVEZ Will do! So what songs are you “re- imagining” tonight?
KIKALO Why would it matter to you?
WES CHAVEZ You know, you’re right. It doesn’t.
Wes smiles. He coughs.
WES CHAVEZ (CONT'D) Traitor.
Tails glances around. Eric pops his head into the room.
ERIC We’re on in one minute.
Eric pops back out. Kikalo grabs her guitar and Link grabs his drumsticks.
KIKALO Let’s go, fellow slags.
The band and Tails walk out of the green room.
WES CHAVEZ Good luck out there, kids!
Link turns around, disgusted.
LINK Sod off, you swastika muncher.
Link turns back around and walks out.
(CONTINUED)
117. CONTINUED: (4)
INT. OPENING SOON - NIGHT
The band stands on stage ready to perform.
KIKALO We believe you can write a great song about anything. So give us a topic and we’ll try something out!
AUDIENCE MEMBER 1 (O/S) Jews control the media!
AUDIENCE MEMBER 2 (O/S) Gushing grannies!
AUDIENCE MEMBER 3 (O/S) Bean curry!
KIKALO Bean curry? What?
Kikalo looks at her band. She faces back to the mic.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Well, I heard “Jews,” so here’s another song about Anne Frank.
LINK 2, 4, 6, hey!
The band begins to rock out. The song they play is reminiscent of “Ghost.”
KIKALO Little love standing in a swamp
You don’t know where you’re going
But don’t worry, cause I am here with you
Here touching and knowing
INT. OPENING SOON BOOTHS - NIGHT
After the show, Tails sits at a booth with Eric and Joplin. Eric drinks a beer.
(CONTINUED)
118. CONTINUED: (2)
ERIC If you could be any animal, what would you be?
JOPLIN A plankton.
ERIC Why?
Joplin stares at the ceiling.
JOPLIN I don’t exactly know.
ERIC Well, I’d be a peacock. I want more people to bask in my presence. Plus, I’d look fucking stunning.
Eric takes a sip.
ERIC (CONT'D) Tails? How about you?
TAILS Personally? I’d be a polar bear.
ERIC Really?
TAILS Yeah, I’d be alone but I’d also be fierce. Plus, I’ll always be warm; you know, being conditioned to the Arctic and all.
ERIC Weird. I would’ve thought you’d say a mongoose.
Tails is expressionless. He gets up and leaves. Eric raises his hands up in disbelief.
ERIC (CONT'D) Hey, come on, man! Don’t be ashamed!
Eric brings his hands down and drinks his beer.
JOPLIN Oh, I get it! He fucks them!
(CONTINUED)
119. CONTINUED: (3)
INT. OPENING SOON BACK HALLWAY - NIGHT
Tails walks down the hallway.
KIKALO (O/S) You fucking dick!
Tails stops in his tracks. He sees the open door to the green room.
KIKALO (CONT'D) (O/S) On this night of all fucking nights, you choose to pull this shit?
BILLY (O/S) I’m pulling this shit?
Tails approaches the door.
INT. GREEN ROOM - NIGHT
Kikalo and Billy argue.
BILLY You’re the one who wants to take my help and shove it up my own ass!
KIKALO Because the way you go about “helping” me is to take the phone out of my hand like I wasn’t fucking doing something!
BILLY You looked down in the dumps, like those Nazi fucks got in your head, so I went to break my news, and you were ignoring me, so I just took your phone. I didn’t mean any goddamn thing by it!
KIKALO You could’ve asked me to put my phone down first!
BILLY What was so important?
(CONTINUED)
120. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO I was writing lyrics for a new song. I was on a roll, and then you snatched my phone away and ruined my creative process!
BILLY Creative process!
KIKALO Don’t you respect that?
BILLY I do! That’s why I got you the fucking gig!
KIKALO I don’t care about a gig if it means taking away my damn phone without asking! Nothing comes between me and my brainstorming!
Billy is pissed and grumbles.
BILLY You know what? Fuck all this, this is some bullshit!
Billy storms out.
KIKALO Yeah, there you go! Walk away! That proves your point!
INT. OPENING SOON BACK HALLWAY - NIGHT
Billy walks out of the green room. Tails is backed up against the wall out of sight. Once Billy is out of sight, Tails walks down the hallway, cautiously looking over his shoulder.
INT. BROOM CLOSET - NIGHT
Tails walks towards the bathroom. The door to a broom closet is open. He walks past but walks back to the doorway and stops.
TAILS Link?
Link receives oral sex from a random GIRL. He looks at Tails while she continues to blow him.
(CONTINUED)
121. CONTINUED: (2)
LINK Hey, man, what’s happening?
Tails stares. The girl stops blowing Link.
LINK (CONT'D) You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something. You good?
TAILS Uh, yeah. I, uh, I just needed to use the bathroom.
LINK Okay. Just letting you know that some guy clogged one of the stalls and caused a bunch of overflow. It looks like the movie Hard Rain in there. So I suggest taking the girls’ room; no one will mind anyway.
Link looks down at the girl.
LINK (CONT'D) You know, you can keep going.
BLOWJOB GIRL Okay.
The girl continues to blow Link.
LINK Yeah, those two fight a lot. Just best to ignore it. Never turns physical if it helps calm your tits.
BILLY (O/S) Hey, Tails!
Tails looks to his right.
LINK Speak of the devil.
Billy walks over, agitated. He looks away when he sees Link.
BILLY Damn, dude!
(CONTINUED)
122. CONTINUED: (3)
LINK What’s shaking, bacon?
The girl stops performing oral sex.
BILLY Nigga, you ever stop and not put your dick in something?
LINK Wigga, at least I’m putting my dick in something.
BILLY Fuck yourself. I gotta bounce.
Billy walks off.
BILLY (CONT'D) (O/S) See ya, Tails.
Tails looks at Billy leave, then back to Link.
TAILS Did you just call him “wigga”?
LINK Well, Billy and I usually call each other the “n-word,” but I don’t want to use it in front of this... lovely, sweet lady. Isn’t that right?
BLOWJOB GIRL Uh-huh.
LINK Yeah, that’s right. You want some spice?
BLOWJOB GIRL Hell yeah.
The girl continues to jerk Link off as he reaches into his pocket for an open bag of powdered heroin.
LINK There you go. That’s right. Take a bit. Lets you... forget that... sexist- ass statement I just made.
(CONTINUED)
123. CONTINUED: (4)
The girl snorts some heroin then keeps blowing Link. He looks at Tails.
LINK (CONT'D) You were saying something?
Tails awkwardly walks away.
INT. OPENING SOON BAR - NIGHT
Kikalo sits at the bar drinking a beer. Tails walks over and sits net to her.
TAILS Hey.
KIKALO Hey.
TAILS You know, I’m fine with letting people I know in on my secrets, but for future reference, please don’t go around... telling...
Kikalo frowns looking at her drink.
TAILS (CONT'D) Kikalo?
KIKALO What? Sorry, I wasn’t listening.
TAILS You alright?
KIKALO Oh yeah, I’m dandy. Why wouldn’t I be?
TAILS Do you... wanna talk-
KIKALO I’m fucking fine, okay? Don’t poke the bear!
Kikalo balances her head on her arm.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.
(CONTINUED)
124. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS I’m sorry, too.
KIKALO I shouldn’t be moping about like this. It’s Link’s night.
Beat.
TAILS If you’re feeling-
KIKALO You know what?
TAILS What?
KIKALO It is Link’s night. Why the fuck should any of us make this night about someone other than him? And, and you know what Link would do right now? He would want us to party till our assholes bleed!
Kikalo takes a swig of her beer.
KIKALO (CONT'D) So how about... we just fucking party? Amarna!
Amarna walks over.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Can you get a round a shots for Tails and I, please?
AMARNA Sure thing.
TAILS Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. You know I don’t drink.
KIKALO Well, it’s a celebration, isn’t it? Why not also celebrate your seventeen years of sobriety coming to a big damn close?
(CONTINUED)
125. CONTINUED: (3)
Link pops in.
LINK I like the sound of this.
KIKALO Where the hell have you been?
LINK A girl was sucking my dick in the broom closet.
KIKALO Oh, cool beans.
Amarna gives Kikalo three shot glasses.
AMARNA I saw Link walk over and knew he'd mooch off you.
KIKALO Thank you.
Amarna walks off. Kikalo passes out the shot glasses. She raises her glass in the air.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Here's to Link's post-graduation success, or lack thereof, my happiness, and our continuing corruption of young Miles Steadman.
TAILS I'll drink to that!
KIKALO Let’s get fucking mortal!
The three toast.
LINK Now that was British!
The three drink their shots.
INT. OPENING SOON - MIDNIGHT
MONTAGE:
Tails, Kikalo, and Link get drunk and party all night long.
(CONTINUED)
126. CONTINUED: (2)
Beatrice takes a couple of shots before getting wasted. The four all revel in their drunken behavior.
INT. LINK'S APARTMENT - MORNING
Beatrice is passed out on the couch with purple sunglasses on and a dragon dildo in her left hand. Link is passed out on the floor, laying on top of Tails.
Tails wakes up. He feels sick. He tries to wriggle himself out from under Link. His hangover makes his every movement all the more painful. He eventually slides out from under Link and drags himself across the floor to the bathroom door.
INT. LINK’S BATHROOM - MORNING
Link opens the door. He falls face first onto the tiles before looking back up. Kikalo sits on the toilet, masturbating. She has her pants all the way down, sweat across her face. She stops when she sees Tails staring.
KIKALO What the fuck?
TAILS Sorry.
Tails backtracks out of the bathroom.
INT. LINK'S APARTMENT - MORNING
Link closes the door. He vomits all over the floor. He is revolted by the smell.
KIKALO (O/S) Did you just throw up?
TAILS Yeah, I did.
Tails burps.
TAILS (CONT'D) Not... not because of what you were doing. Just I’m hungover. It wasn’t because-
KIKALO (O/S) I fucking get the picture!
(CONTINUED)
127. CONTINUED: (2)
Tails shakes his head before laying it back on the floor.
INT. TAILS’ LIVING ROOM - DAY
Sally exercises to a DVD. In the kitchen, Tails sneaks past. He wears sunglasses.
SALLY STEADMAN Tom?
Sally continues to exercise, unconcerned by the lack of an answer.
INT. ABIGAIL’S OFFICE - DAY
At a disorganized desk with stacks of papers and boxes, ABIGAIL RYDER, a trans woman with blond hair and large earrings, types on her computer. The phone rings and she picks it up.
ABIGAIL Yes?
AUSTRALIAN INTERN (V.O.) Miss Ryder, Mr. Dave Kelley is here to see you.
ABIGAIL Great, tell him I’ll be right down.
Abigail hangs up the phone.
INT. FFR WAITING ROOM - DAY
Dave sits with a Manila folder. Abigail approaches him.
ABIGAIL Dave Kelley?
Dave looks up. He stands up and walks towards Abigail. The two shake hands.
ABIGAIL (CONT'D) It’s nice to finally meet you in the flesh.
DAVE Usually people like me better as a disembodied voice.
(CONTINUED)
128. CONTINUED: (2)
ABIGAIL I get the same reaction. “She has a face for radio.”
DAVE Well, I’m telling you now; you don’t.
ABIGAIL Hey, don't make me call HR!
Abigail giggles.
INT. FFR OFFICES - DAY
Dave and Abigail walk throughout the station.
ABIGAIL I imagine you’re familiar with Freedom Fighter Radio.
DAVE I’ve heard of it before. You’re like NPR or This American Life.
ABIGAIL More NPR.
DAVE You like to talk about important political movements and cultures and LGBTQ+ issues.
ABIGAIL In a general sense, we’re that. But every since we started this four years ago, I like to think of us as the voice that the 2010’s needs more than anything else. We represent Americans who are tired of their rights being infringed upon because of not just bigotry, but capitalism. We want to give a voice to those brought down by billionaires who heads are well- acquainted with their assholes. And in these four years, we’ve never lost sight of our mission.
The AUSTRALIAN INTERN with blue hair and a sweater approaches Abigail with coffee in a green plastic cup. Abigail grabs it.
(CONTINUED)
129. CONTINUED: (2)
ABIGAIL (CONT'D) Thank you, sweetheart.
The intern runs off.
ABIGAIL (CONT'D) What started out as a platform for the Occupy movement has now blossomed into a platform for all the other oppressed voices: people of color, women of color, transgender persons, queer people, intravenous drug users, and most recently, we branched out a bit and got a female gamer. She left due to low ratings and very few comments to pull. Her words, not mine.
DAVE Perhaps furries can be added to that list?
ABIGAIL Perhaps they can.
Abigail sips from her cup and continues to walk with Dave.
INT. ABIGAIL’S STUDIO - DAY
An ASIAN-AMERICAN BROADCASTER reads an excerpt from Emmanuelle by Emmanuelle Arsan. A THAI WOMAN sits to her left. Dave and Abigail watch this from the control booth, with a SOUND ENGINEER at the desk.
ABIGAIL This has been getting us places. Content and Context .
DAVE Catchy alliteration.
ABIGAIL No, people fuck it up constantly. I would’ve replaced the “and” with a “with” to make things easier.
DAVE What’s it about?
ABIGAIL So the one reading Emmanuelle is Sandra Ken. She’s Vietnamese-American (MORE) (CONTINUED)
130. CONTINUED: (2) ABIGAIL (CONT'D) and wanted to do a show about books, but put them in the perspective of when they were written and the cultural background of the author. So she started with The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. She put it in the context of the time period, the discrimination women writers face in the twentieth century, women writing male characters, and a bunch of other stuff.
DAVE So now she’s doing Emmanuelle ?
ABIGAIL Uh-huh, by a Thai woman writing French erotica.
DAVE And who’s the other woman?
ABIGAIL She brings in a guest for each chapter, which she could read for at least fifteen minutes, and talks for hours with someone who’s either shared the experiences of the author or is an expert in said background.
DAVE That sounds like a lot of work.
ABIGAIL Well, Sandra really wanted to give Serial a run for its money.
INT. ABIGAIL’S OFFICE - DAY
Dave sits in front of Abigail’s desk. She shuffles papers.
ABIGAIL So, did you enjoy the tour?
DAVE It’s like I’m being bombarded with professionalism. Color me interested.
ABIGAIL Glad to hear it.
(CONTINUED)
131. CONTINUED: (2)
Abigail folds her hands together across her desk.
ABIGAIL (CONT'D) Now, we know how... you don’t hold back online.
DAVE Right.
ABIGAIL We will admit that this quality was one of the reasons we were interested in bringing you on.
DAVE This is the part where you tell me what I have to change in order to work here, isn’t it?
ABIGAIL Oh, absolutely not. We like you just the way you are. Everything about you.
DAVE Come on, there’s gotta be something.
ABIGAIL We wouldn’t feel it right to require you to change yourself. I mean, we could make suggestions.
DAVE Suggestions?
ABIGAIL If we were to force you to make changes, that would be a bad look for us, especially... myself. But we would like to... pitch some ideas for... possible improvement... should you decide to work here.
Dave looks to his side.
ABIGAIL (CONT'D) Think of it like a choose-your-own- adventure.
Dave smirks.
(CONTINUED)
132. CONTINUED: (3)
ABIGAIL (CONT'D) Are you fine with me making these suggestions?
Dave sighs. He slouches forward.
DAVE Shoot.
ABIGAIL First, the persona. It’s a little... intimidating. Maybe lose the hat.
DAVE It’s radio. No one can see the hat.
ABIGAIL But it keeps the persona intact. Like, it’ll be creeping in.
DAVE What’s wrong with my persona?
ABIGAIL I know the accent is real, so there’s no changing that.
DAVE You thought my accent was fake?
ABIGAIL Some of us did, admittedly. Not me, though. I’ve been to Texas.
DAVE I’m from Louisiana.
ABIGAIL You mean like the Bayou?
DAVE I mean Louisiana.
ABIGAIL Our second idea is to... maybe talk less about sex when it isn’t relevant.
DAVE It’s just something I like to talk about, though.
(CONTINUED)
133. CONTINUED: (4)
ABIGAIL But you’re quite frank about it.
DAVE I know.
ABIGAIL Okay, okay. No need to get defensive.
Abigail starts tapping her desk.
ABIGAIL (CONT'D) Third... maybe... stop talking about being a furry.
DAVE Oh, come on!
ABIGAIL Again, we’re just sug... they’re just suggesting it!
DAVE That’s one of the biggest fucking reasons I’m even popular! What other radio host can be a furry AND entertaining independent of that shit?
ABIGAIL Well, there it is. You’re entertaining independent of that furry shit! Independent, as in breaking off and separate. You can be a furry and entertaining, but you’re also capable of just being entertaining! Just... think about these little tips. Everyone makes decisions at some point in their careers that could change their paths forever. Who knows? You might even move up the ranks!
DAVE I just need to play ball, huh?
ABIGAIL I wouldn’t put it like that. That makes us sound seedy. We are not seedy.
Dave nods his head.
(CONTINUED)
134. CONTINUED: (5)
INT. SECOND BATHROOM - NIGHT
Tails and Melinda have sex on the floor, him thrusting on top of her.
TAILS (V.O.) Of course Melinda and I still had a sex life. After our anniversary, we banged at least six times after that. It wasn’t even like, “Oh, I don’t have a girlfriend. I might as well stick with Melinda.” I wanted to be with her. I liked Kikalo, I really did; but I thought Melinda suited me better.
Tails is about to finish.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) I did prove her right, though. Our anniversary was the best sex we ever had.
Tails climaxes inside Melinda, who lets out a loud moan. The two finish and breathe heavily. Tails cleans himself off.
MELINDA Holy shit.
TAILS Well, there we go. Time to get ready.
Tails slips his pants back on and gets off the floor. He walks over to the sink. Melinda gets up after putting her panties back on.
MELINDA Where are you going?
TAILS There’s a party tonight at Coming Soon.
Tails puts on a tuxedo jacket and adjusts his suit. Melinda buttons up her shirt.
MELINDA Why are you wearing a tux?
(CONTINUED)
135. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS It’s a costume party. Well, a gender- flipped costume party.
MELINDA What does that mean?
TAILS All the girls dress up as male characters and people while the boys go as females. I’m going as... Annie Lennox!
Tails turns around to present himself.
MELINDA That’s a pretty masculine suit, though.
TAILS It’s the best I could do on short notice.
Tails combs his hair.
MELINDA Don’t you need red hair? Or a white pixie cut?
TAILS I googled images of her where she had dark hair. Granted, she looked more like Joel Grey in those pictures but I can pull it off.
Tails puts on long, black gloves.
MELINDA But she has red hair in the “Sweet Dreams” video.
Tails turns around, annoyed.
TAILS Well, do you wanna dye my hair, then? Huh?
Melinda’s eyes narrow.
MELINDA I’m just trying to help, Foxy. You (MORE) (CONTINUED)
136. CONTINUED: (3) MELINDA (CONT'D) need some lipstick, too.
TAILS Whatever. I’m gonna be late.
Tails leaves the bathroom. Melinda is left cold.
Tails goes back into the bathroom, where Melinda has disappeared. He forgot to flush.
EXT. LINK’S APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
Link wears a white tank top, black jeans, and a short red wig. He listens to his phone. Tails pulls up to the apartment, turns off the car and hops out. Link takes out one of his earbuds.
LINK Swanky.
TAILS You don’t look too bad yourself.
LINK Thank you. You don’t wanna know how much these tits cost.
TAILS So, what’s going on?
LINK I’ve just been here listening to B.B. King. It’s weird how we never truly appreciate some artists until they’re dead.
TAILS Do you like his music?
LINK Well, I don’t want to give my opinion. The man died two days ago.
Link looks around.
TAILS So who are you supposed to be? Wait, you’re the girl from Fifth Element , aren’t you?
(CONTINUED)
137. CONTINUED: (2)
LINK Fuck no, I’m Hayley Williams!
Tails is indifferent.
LINK (CONT'D) Lead singer of Paramore? Hot as all hell?
TAILS I’ve heard the band name, but I haven’t looked them up.
LINK I thought you had an emo phase.
TAILS Yeah, two years ago. Maybe they were too mainstream for me.
LINK Shit, if they were too mainstream for you two years ago, you’ll hate their new shit.
Beatrice, dressed in armor similar to Dante’s in the Dante’s Inferno video game, walks out of the building. Link’s eyes widen.
LINK (CONT'D) You sew that cross yourself?
Beatrice looks at Link and Tails.
BEATRICE I regret to inform thee of a predicament.
INT. APARTMENT FLOOR - NIGHT
Tails, Beatrice and Link walk towards Link’s apartment.
TAILS So who are you supposed to be?
BEATRICE Master Dante.
TAILS Right.
(CONTINUED)
138. CONTINUED: (2)
BEATRICE Master Dante as he appears in the electronic game.
TAILS Oh!
The three walk up to the door.
INT. LINK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Link opens the door. He stumbles.
LINK Jesus Christ!
Tails steps in and gasps. Kikalo lies on the table dressed as the Joker, her wrists slit.
BEATRICE I had been relieving thyself in the lavatory. I entered upon here once again and she was perished by her own hand.
LINK I knew things were bad, but fuck!
BEATRICE I’m immensely torn.
Tails walks over slowly to Kikalo’s body.
LINK I just... I can’t. Okay, we gotta call Billy. He’s gonna be pissed. No, fuck that, call Amarna.
Tails reaches for Kikalo’s wrist.
TAILS No, we should call Dave first; tell him his sister’s dead.
Kikalo jolts up. She holds a rubber blade to Tails’ throat.
KIKALO How about alive?
TAILS What the fuck?
(CONTINUED)
139. CONTINUED: (2)
Kikalo mimics the Joker’s voice.
KIKALO You wanna know how I got these scars? My mother was a drinker, and a fiend. And one night, she goes off crazier than usual. Daddy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. She doesn’t like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, she takes the knife to him, laughing while she does it. She turns to me and says, “Why so serious?” Comes at me with the knife. “Why so serious?”
Kikalo puts the blade in a terrified Tails’ mouth.
KIKALO (CONT'D) She sticks the blade in my mouth... “Let’s put a smile on that face.” And...
Kikalo moves in closer.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Why so serious?
Tails blinks, then talks with the blade still in his mouth.
TAILS I’ve never seen The Dark Knight .
Kikalo drops the act.
KIKALO Get the fuck out!
Link snickers.
TAILS I’m not a superhero film guy.
KIKALO It’s not just a superhero film!
Link and Beatrice laugh.
LINK That’s the worst fucking excuse I’ve ever heard. It’s the Dark Fucking Knight !
(CONTINUED)
140. CONTINUED: (3)
TAILS Sorry.
KIKALO I’ve met people who didn’t see Shawshank . I’ve met people who didn’t see The Godfather . I’ve even met people who didn’t see Star Wars . But I be done seen about everything when I meet someone who hasn’t seen The Dark Knight.
Beat.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Either way, I’m the Joker.
TAILS I mean, I know the character. I know “Why so serious?”.
KIKALO Oh, it’s so much more than that.
LINK It even edges out Returns as the best Batman movie.
Kikalo shakes her head.
KIKALO Let’s get going.
Kikalo tucks away her blade and walks out. Beatrice follows. Link and Tails walk behind them.
LINK Never seen The Dark Knight but you have seen The Fifth Element . Jesus fucking Christ, you needed us in your life.
TAILS Shut up.
LINK If you hadn’t seen Magnolia , I would’ve kicked you out the fucking group.
Link closes the door behind them.
(CONTINUED)
141. CONTINUED: (4)
INT. KIKALO’S VAN - NIGHT
Kikalo drives the van with Tails in shotgun, and Link and Beatrice in the back.
KIKALO I mean, you’ll wanna start with Batman Begins , but after that, watch The Dark Knight .
TAILS I watched Interstellar . So I know he’s a good director.
LINK You liked Interstellar ?
TAILS I loved it!
LINK That movie was like ninety fucking hours long! About an hour into it, my date and I walked out and fucked in a men’s stall for two hours. I mean, I’m sure it ends with some deep shit about the human condition. No need to re- watch it.
TAILS Well, then you can’t really judge it that way.
LINK I walked out, that should say enough. If it’s any consolation to you, Tails, the spin-off with Matt Damon looks good.
KIKALO Spin-off?
LINK Yeah, Matt Damon is doing a spin-off. Ridley Scott’s directing?
KIKALO The Martian ?
LINK Hell yeah. That shit looks tight.
(CONTINUED)
142. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO That’s not a fucking spin-off!
LINK Yes it is!
KIKALO The Martian and Interstellar are not related to each other!
LINK Well, the movie hasn’t come out yet! How the fuck do you know if they’re not related?
KIKALO The Martian is based on a book.
LINK Oh please!
KIKALO Interstellar was written by the Nolans, who aren’t even involved in the goddamn Martian !
LINK Then why the fuck would Matt Damon do two back-to-back films about being in space?
TAILS Maybe he likes space.
Kikalo smirks.
LINK Whatever.
TAILS How do you know Matt Damon was in Interstellar ? It was supposed to be a twist.
LINK Wikipedia, motherfucker!
Kikalo pulls up to Opening Soon.
LINK (CONT'D) Martian still looks tight, though. (MORE) (CONTINUED)
143. CONTINUED: (3) LINK (CONT'D) Then again, I’ll see anything with Jessica Chastain’s fine ass.
BEATRICE Hark! Agreement!
Beatrice gets out of the van. Link looks at Beatrice with an eyebrow raised as she closes the door.
LINK I swear, I love her, but sometimes she reaches for those translations.
Link gets out of the van. Kikalo turns the van off. Tails unbuckles his seat belt.
KIKALO Wait.
Kikalo takes out a stick of red lipstick and hands it to Tails.
TAILS Lipstick?
KIKALO Well, you’re Annie Lennox, aren’t you? Try to look a little like her.
TAILS This was the best I could do.
KIKALO I know. That’s why I’m helping you.
TAILS Is it your lipstick?
KIKALO Yeah, I used it for the red lips.
Tails looks at the lipstick before taking it. He wipes off his lips before taking the cap off. He applies the lipstick, then gives it back to Kikalo.
TAILS How do I look?
Kikalo smiles.
(CONTINUED)
144. CONTINUED: (4)
KIKALO You look like Annie Lennox.
Kikalo gets out of the van. Tails smiles before getting out.
INT. GIRLS’ BATHROOM - MIDNIGHT
Link takes a deep breath. A large crowd surrounds him.
LINK Okay.
Link brings a rolled-up twenty-dollar bill to his nose. Five straight lines of heroin lie on the counter. He bends down and begins to snort all five lines without stopping. The crowd watches in amazement as he breezes through the lines. After snorting the fifth line, he bolts up and gasps for air.
LINK (CONT'D) That’s some good shit.
The crowd cheers.
INT. OPENING SOON DANCE FLOOR - MIDNIGHT
A group of people party to new wave music. Tails is among the crowd. He bumps into Eric.
TAILS Sorry about that.
ERIC So who are you supposed to be?
TAILS Annie Lennox!
Eric pauses and examines Tails.
ERIC Really?
TAILS Hey, have you seen Kikalo anywhere? She should get in on this party!
INT. OPENING SOON BACK HALLWAY - NIGHT
Tails walks towards the green room, drink in hand.
(CONTINUED)
145. CONTINUED: (2)
INT. GREEN ROOM - MIDNIGHT
Tails walks into the door frame and stops. Kikalo and Billy make out on the couch.
BILLY I’m so, so sorry.
KIKALO No, honey. It’s my fault.
Billy gropes Kikalo’s breast.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I love you so goddamn much.
BILLY Not as much as I love you.
They continue to make out. Tails walks away, disappointed.
KIKALO (O/S) So you said something about a gig?
INT. OPENING SOON - MIDNIGHT
Tails walks towards the front entrance in slow motion. Loud music plays.
TAILS (V.O.) I didn’t know... I... sorry, let me turn this down...
The loud music’s volume is turned down.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) There we go. I didn’t know why seeing her and Billy happy together bothered me so much. I was falling in love, sure, but it was like a minor crush. Like, I appreciated her beauty, but never saw her in a sexual light or as a partner. But that intimacy... it haunted me.
Tails approaches the entrance.
(CONTINUED)
146. CONTINUED: (2)
EXT. BACK ALLEY - MIDNIGHT
Tails walks outside. He spots something.
TAILS Hey, Link.
Link is on the ground, on top of a GIRL while another GUY is behind him. All three are naked, but Link still wears his orange wig. Link stops and looks at Tails.
LINK Tails! Come join the party!
TAILS If Kikalo wants to know where I am, tell her I left early.
LINK How are you gonna get home?
THREE WAY GUY You’re clenching.
LINK Sorry.
Link keeps having sex with the girl while the guy has sex with Link.
TAILS I didn’t think of that.
LINK Just wait in the van. I got a spare key. Oh, that’s the goddamn spot!
TAILS I don’t know if you can drive.
Link doesn’t respond. Tails look around awkwardly.
THREE WAY GIRL (O/S) I’m in love! I’m in love!
CUT TO:
Beatrice comes over and grabs the keys out of Link’s pants. She walks towards Tails, who stands off to the side.
(CONTINUED)
147. CONTINUED: (2)
BEATRICE Acquired the keys.
LINK (O/S) Hey look, Beatrice got in my pants!
INT. KIKALO’S VAN - MIDNIGHT
Beatrice drives the van. Tails sits shotgun.
TAILS Thank you for doing this, by the way.
BEATRICE ‘Twas a favor, nothing more.
TAILS I... I just felt like going home.
BEATRICE Any reasoning is a reasoning just. Commingled are they with that caitiff choir of angels, who have not rebellious been, nor faithful were to God, but were to self.
CAPTION: (Canto III, Lines 37-39)
Tails blinks.
TAILS Yeah, exactly.
Beatrice pulls up to the parking lot next to Link’s building. She turns off the ignition.
TAILS (CONT'D) I’m sorry I had to take you away from the party.
BEATRICE No burthen, only a fresh acquaintanceship birthed from the horizon to develop whole.
Beat. Tails nods awkwardly. Beatrice sighs.
BEATRICE (CONT'D) They can be a handful, right?
(CONTINUED)
148. CONTINUED: (2)
Tails looks to Beatrice, surprised.
BEATRICE (CONT'D) It’s fine. You can tell me.
Tails is confused.
TAILS Um, yeah, sure, I guess.
BEATRICE Three answers of no importance. Heh, I’ll have to look up how they said “importance” back then.
Beatrice sighs.
BEATRICE (CONT'D) I remember starting high school. My grandma and I had moved from Peoria, and I knew absolutely no one. I was scared shitless. Some kid in Algebra happened to tell me about this book called The Inferno and described it as, “How far would you go for the woman you loved? Would you go all the way to Hell and back?” And when I found out that the girl Dante loved was named Beatrice, I felt this... unbreakable connection.
TAILS Yeah?
BEATRICE I was so enamored with the language that I just started talking like him. I thought it would make me adorably quirky, like, “We should hang out with this one girl. She speaks like Shakespeare or some shit. She’s so cool!” But people like Hayden Jacobson and Brittany Southall just found me to be a weirdo. The only people whose attention I caught were the two schmucks who never shut the fuck up.
Tails laughs, then Beatrice starts to laugh.
BEATRICE (CONT'D) I remember Kikalo’s first words to me. (MORE) (CONTINUED)
149. CONTINUED: (3) BEATRICE (CONT'D) “Hey, you! You’re strange! Get your ass over here! Oh wait, sorry! I mean, ‘prance thy derrière to the commons’ or something!” She actually said that!
The two continue to laugh.
BEATRICE (CONT'D) And so now I just kinda sit around like an NPC just letting them do their thing. I’m like a babysitter who doesn’t give a shit.
TAILS But like, why do you stick around? If you feel like this?
BEATRICE I mean, they really are my friends. Had it not been for them, I don’t think I could’ve made it through high school this far. Sure, I’m pretty passive, but I feel like I help the dynamic. Plus, I’m always doing something. Say what you will about Kikalo and Link; there's never a dull moment with them.
TAILS That’s true.
BEATRICE Yeah, I’m lucky to have them around, I really am. And you’re lucky, too. But the two of us can admit how frustrating they can be.
Tails nods his head.
TAILS If anything, I like them more now.
BEATRICE I’m actually pretty mad they were too busy getting busy to drive you to your car. It’s only a fucking mile! Link’ll be back in time to get his ass licked by whoever he wants!
Tails laughs.
(CONTINUED)
150. CONTINUED: (4)
BEATRICE (CONT'D) Hey. Can you make sure you don’t let them know I said any of this? Not me breaking character, but, you know, the whole babysitter shit?
Tails clears his throat dramatically.
TAILS Thy secret is safe with... thou. I can’t do it.
BEATRICE Thou secret is concealed to the parties involved and to the puissance divine.
TAILS You’re actually really good at that.
BEATRICE Thank you.
Beatrice smiles.
INT. WHITE BEDROOM - NIGHT
Tails sits on the bed in red boxers.
MELINDA (O/S) So they’re working late again?
TAILS Not really. One of Dad’s tenants is throwing a house party and the only way he is allowing it is if he and Mom are invited.
MELINDA (O/S) When will they be back?
Tails shakes his head.
TAILS They don’t know. Could be four hours from now, could be thirty minutes.
Tails looks towards the door. Melinda walks in completely naked. She leans against the door frame.
(CONTINUED)
151. CONTINUED: (2)
MELINDA That makes it all the more exciting.
TAILS Yes it does.
Tails pulls down his boxers. Melinda approaches the bed and climbs on top. She kisses him for a bit before mounting him. She rides slowly and sensually as Tails looks on in awe.
The riding and bouncing starts getting faster. Tails becomes uncomfortable. He blinks rapidly.
MELINDA Oh god, I’m ready to cum. You cum with me, baby?
KIKALO (V.O.) You cum with me, baby?
TAILS Did you... oh, god... hear something?
MELINDA You’re hearing my fucking pussy bouncing on your big cock?
TAILS Yeah, yeah, that’s it. Oh yeah, that’s fucking it.
Melinda is about to finish. Frames of memories of Kikalo and a sad Melinda against a gray backdrop splice into the scene. Melinda climaxes and falls on top of Tails. She brings her head up, but her head is now Kikalo's.
KIKALO Wanna do it again?
Freaked out, Tails hops up. He runs out of the room. Melinda, confused, lies on the bed in defeat.
INT. DAVE’S RECORDING STUDIO - DAY
Dave talks into a microphone.
DAVE I think that there’s a pedophilia problem in the organization, but it’s not about homosexuality. So with these (MORE) (CONTINUED)
152. CONTINUED: (2) DAVE (CONT'D) stereotypes, gay Scout leaders have an increased likeliness of getting their fucking asses creamed... as well as getting their asses kicked out. Overall, I think we should have gay Scout leaders, we shouldn’t have pederast Scout leaders, and the Boy Scouts of America should know the fucking difference when handling both. Either way, I’m taking a six-hour break. This has been the morning show. See you in a bit for my review of...
Dave sighs.
DAVE (CONT'D) ...the Poltergeist remake. Enjoy yourself.
Dave takes off his headphones as the outro plays. Tails knocks on the window of the door. Dave notices him and motions him in. Tails opens the door.
DAVE (CONT'D) The hell are you doing here?
TAILS Just thought I’d stop by because you said I could.
DAVE That’s all the reason I need.
TAILS I liked today’s show.
DAVE Oh, did you?
TAILS I really liked the part about your encounter with the drunk twink.
DAVE That’s good.
TAILS I mean, it seemed like an uncomfortable experience; having some twink talk about wanting to molest you (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
153. CONTINUED: (3) TAILS (CONT'D) and that you’re not shit. But you were able to make something creepy and turn it into something hilariously demented and... enthralling.
DAVE I'm glad you liked it.
Dave watches Tails, smiling.
DAVE (CONT'D) You want to fuck my sister, don't you?
Tails is caught off-guard.
TAILS What?
DAVE Be honest with me, Tails. You want to fuck my sister.
Tail stammers.
TAILS If you think that I’m kissing your ass, it’s only because I’m a huge fan.
DAVE Just because you’re a huge fan doesn’t mean you don’t wanna fuck my sister.
Tails shakes his head, but Dave keeps looking at him.
TAILS Um... oh, alright. Sure! I’m sorry.
DAVE So you want to fuck her?
TAILS Yes, yes, I want to... fuck Kikalo.
DAVE Hey, man! It’s okay. You’re a better option than the current guy she fucks.
TAILS She’s... still a virgin.
(CONTINUED)
154. CONTINUED: (4)
DAVE Oh, good. Let’s keep it that way.
Tails shrinks up.
DAVE (CONT'D) I’m kidding! I don’t care who my sister fucks. Except Ralph, because I fucking hate him.
RALPH That’s right.
Ralph takes a bite of his sandwich.
DAVE But yeah, at the very least, you seem to get along with her. It’s sad that’s a quality to aspire towards when dating my sister, since it should be a fucking given.
TAILS I mean, I think she loves him, though. And really, it’s only a crush. I can get over it.
DAVE So you want to collaborate with her to try and friend-zone yourself?
TAILS I don’t know!
DAVE Jesus, calm yourself. You’re just a kid. You don’t know what you want yet. And I’m not saying that because of your inexperience; you’re legally a kid. Kikalo doesn’t know what she wants, either. You’ll figure it out when you grow up.
TAILS But... she’s my friend! And I don’t want to ruin that.
DAVE Eh, fair.
(CONTINUED)
155. CONTINUED: (5)
TAILS Please don’t tell her this.
Beat.
DAVE You know what? I’ll keep your secret if I can tell you my own secret that I’m keeping from Kikalo.
Tails glances around.
DAVE (CONT'D) Consider this insider information. Sit down.
Tails sits down.
CUT TO:
Tails listens to Dave talk.
TAILS (V.O.) He then proceeded to describe the events shown previously in the movie, which is why I was able to include them without actually being there.
DAVE So now I don’t know what to do.
TAILS Hot damn.
DAVE I mean, you’re a fan. What would you think of me if I did this?
Tails taps the table.
TAILS Well, I know you personally, kinda. So I know you’re funny in real life. If we’re talking about the show, I would be disappointed if everything was radically changed, especially if you no longer talked about furries.
DAVE Right.
(CONTINUED)
156. CONTINUED: (6)
TAILS But at the same time, you’re still charming. You’re still you. As long as there’s still the feeling of Bastardization when you’re her sidekick or whatever, then I’d be all for it.
Dave looks out the window.
DAVE I never thought I’d be doing this for so long. I just needed to do something. I gave up so much but my dream of radio had to stay. And I was so fucking comfortable... for a while.
Tails nods his head.
INT. LINK'S APARTMENT - NOON
Link leans against the counter in his kitchen, smoking a joint. Tails sits on the couch, eating a burger.
LINK We really are corrupting your fucking innocence. I mean, it’s one thing to walk in on a girl and I having sex, but to walk in on two dudes having sex just four days later? Shit’s crazy. It took me a year after losing my cherry to walk in on that shit. At least I cushioned the blow for you by fucking a girl at the same time. I mean, it’s not homophobia, it’s just something you’re probably not used to seeing outside of your gay furry porn.
TAILS Remember when you said I’d get used to this? I think I got used to this.
LINK You think so?
TAILS You think I’m not?
LINK Maybe you are just that progressive.
(CONTINUED)
157. CONTINUED: (2)
Link takes a drag while sitting on the couch.
TAILS But what do I do? I mean, if it’s obvious to fucking Dave, then it should be obvious to Kikalo that I’m... that I’m attracted to her.
LINK She’s a pretty girl.
TAILS But I mean... really attracted to her. I wanna just... spend the night with her... alone.
LINK You wanna fuck her?
Tails rolls his eyes.
TAILS Sure, I wanna fuck her!
Tails’s brows furrow.
TAILS (CONT'D) Shit, I think I actually do the more I say that.
LINK Well, that’s a predicament. I don’t know, between fucking my hand and fucking a human, I’d usually go with a human since they’re, like, real and softer.
TAILS But she has a boyfriend.
LINK Well, then fuck your hand.
Link takes another drag.
LINK (CONT'D) Look, I know you’re a virgin. From my experience, virgins tend to believe that the first time should be special. That it should be with someone you love, in a warm, comfortable bed, with (MORE) (CONTINUED)
158. CONTINUED: (3) LINK (CONT'D) fucking birds singing and mice sewing dresses. Every motivational speaker tells you it’s all bullshit, but it really is. My first time was two years ago with a hooker from North Clark Street up in Chicago. It cost $69, though we didn't do that. Instead she had to climb on top because I was nervous and going limp, and I came within a minute. It was really disappointing, but now that I've gotten the hang of things, I'm banging a girl practically every night. You know, those fries look good.
TAILS Everyone says I'm a kid and that I'm naive about all this.
LINK Well, you think they're saying that because it might be true?
Link takes another drag. Tails slouches into the couch.
LINK (CONT'D) Chin up, Tails. It's not like you're the only person afraid to admit your feelings due to... complications.
TAILS What are you talking about?
LINK Let’s just say I’ve been studying Mrs. Banks.
TAILS Beatrice?
Link nods his head.
LINK I don't know what it is about her, but... she's just so different from everyone else.
TAILS Maybe because she doesn't talk. Normally, I mean.
(CONTINUED)
159. CONTINUED: (4)
LINK True, true, but I think you can relate here. The same way you wanna be with Jessie’s Girl, I wanna be with Beatrice. I wanna be... the peanut butter to her jelly; the Tom Hanks to her Meg Ryan; the Teddy Riley to her Michael Jackson.
TAILS Don’t you mean Quincy Jones?
LINK No, fuck that! Everyone knows that Mike worked best with Teddy Riley producing his beats, and that’s why Dangerous is his best album! And I could talk for an hour about that album, but these fries look damn good.
Link grabs Tails’ fries and munches down. Tails stares at him.
INT. GROCERY STORE - MORNING
Kikalo grabs items off shelves as Tails pushes a cart.
KIKALO Bug spray.
Kikalo puts a bottle of bug spray in the cart. She grabs a spray can of sunscreen.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Sunscreen!
Kikalo throws the sunscreen to Tails, who doesn’t catch it.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I’m shocked.
TAILS Fuck off!
Kikalo laughs.
EXT. GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT - MORNING
Tails and Kikalo load up the back of her van with their products.
(CONTINUED)
160. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS Why do we need this shit again?
KIKALO I told you. We’re cooking a new form of meth. I’m gonna be like Heisenberg if he was crossed with MacGyver. Nothing can get a man to a higher plain of existence than sunscreen, bug spray, rubbing alcohol, and a bag of Takis.
TAILS But where's the meth?
KIKALO We'll figure that out eventually. Just as soon as I can get Link from practically sticking his cock in the bags of meth. Though who knows? Maybe his cock sweat will be the secret ingredient.
Kikalo turns around. Tails sighs, smiles, and shakes his head.
KIKALO (CONT'D) What’s wrong?
TAILS You’re just so... happy. Whenever I see you, you’re either happy or pissed off.
KIKALO What do you mean? You want me to be sad?
TAILS It’s just so strange how you’re never held down by anything.
KIKALO Sadness for me would be if Fueled by Ramen filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Sadness for me would be if David Bowie died in the least fabulous way possible. Sadness for me would be waking up without genitals! I’ve had my fair share of sadness, but nothing ever came close to my parents dying. (MORE) (CONTINUED)
161. CONTINUED: (3) KIKALO (CONT'D) So... I’m benevolent.
Kikalo closes the trunk. She walks to the driver’s seat.
INT. KIKALO’S VAN - MORNING
Kikalo drives along the freeway.
TAILS You still haven’t told me where we’re going today.
Kikalo smirks.
KIKALO Well, I was gonna keep it a surprise until we got there, but... I probably should tell you. Have you ever been to Indiana Beach?
TAILS The amusement park?
KIKALO Yeah.
TAILS Maybe when I was six.
KIKALO Well, get ready to reunite with your long-lost love after eleven years, 'cuase that’s where we’re going!
TAILS Okay... any particular reason?
KIKALO I mean, yeah, but does there need to be?
TAILS I guess not.
KIKALO Well, if it really matters to you, the band is performing there tonight.
Tails’ head snaps to Kikalo.
(CONTINUED)
162. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS What?
KIKALO We got a gig there tonight.
TAILS How?
KIKALO Billy knows a guy.
Tails is shocked.
TAILS Anarchist Coffee Suites is performing at Indiana Beach?
KIKALO Why are you so surprised? Are we not talented enough?
Tails doesn’t respond.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Wait, do you not think we’re talented enough?
TAILS No, no, no, you are. You guys definitely are. You are!
Tails looks ahead as they continue to drive.
EXT. INDIANA BEACH - DAY
MONTAGE:
Tourists and kids play around and have fun at Indiana Beach, whether it be on the rides or in the arcades.
EXT. INDIANA BEACH PARKING LOT - DAY
Kikalo parks the van in the parking lot. Link, Billy, Joplin, and Beatrice unpack nearby. Kikalo, with guitar case and equipment bag in hand, and Tails get out of the van and walk towards the group.
BILLY Hey there, baby.
(CONTINUED)
163. CONTINUED: (2)
Billy goes for a hug but Kikalo keeps walking.
KIKALO Hey, Billy! Anything missing, guys?
LINK You got your guitar?
KIKALO Nope, just this Tommy gun in a guitar case.
LINK Alright, great. Eric's on his way, we should get going.
BILLY Just letting you know... you need to pay for admission.
Kikalo raises an eyebrow.
LINK But we're tonight's act.
BILLY It's just a condition.
LINK Do we pay for refreshments, too?
Billy nods his head.
BILLY They'll give you mics, though. And amps.
KIKALO Can we use our own amps?
BILLY Yeah.
KIKALO Alright, let's pay to ride some wooden roller coasters.
The group carries their stuff towards the entrance.
(CONTINUED)
164. CONTINUED: (3)
EXT. BRIDGE - DAY
The group carries the equipment across a long, wobbly bridge. Kikalo's phone goes off and she pulls it out of her pocket. A wrapped condom falls out of her pocket. Tails, carrying a cable, stops in front of the condom and picks it up. He examines it before pocketing it and walking onward.
EXT. BOARDWALK - DAY
Tails walks next to Link, with Beatrice behind carrying a piece of Link's drum set, and Kikalo in front.
LINK What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna find a girl who is definitely up to no good. I'll chat her up a bit, we'll flirt, make sexual comments; then, we'll get on a long wooden roller coaster, and I'll just start fingering her. It is actually quite satisfying. I call it "the Fear Maneuver."
TAILS Why is it called that?
LINK Jesus, you really haven't seen any movies. I call it that because it's from this movie called Fear . There's a scene where Marky Mark starts fingering some girl on a roller coaster, which bruises her pussy but still gets her off.
KIKALO I can't believe what I'm hearing. It's not "some girl," it's Reese fucking Witherspoon!
LINK Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot who she was. Now I'm about to find out who she is!
Beatrice giggles.
BEATRICE 'Twas an amusing reference.
KIKALO Hey, Tails. Can you hand me that (MORE) (CONTINUED)
165. CONTINUED: (2) KIKALO (CONT'D) cable?
Kikalo stops Tails as the others walk on.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I'll catch up, don't worry.
TAILS What's wrong?
Kikalo pulls out her wallet.
KIKALO Could you get me a Diet Dr. Pepper?
Kikalo gives Tails a ten-dollar bill.
TAILS Oh, it's fine. I'll pay for it.
KIKALO I insist. And you can have the change to get yourself something, too.
TAILS Really?
KIKALO Yeah, I'll just meet you at this stand here.
Kikalo points to a taco shack. She gives Tails the money.
TAILS Uh, yeah, okay.
Tails gives Kikalo the cable.
KIKALO Thanks a lot.
Kikalo moves on to the group. Tails, confused as ever, walks over to the shack.
INT. BACKSTAGE - DAY
Kikalo, Link, and Joplin drop off their equipment.
KIKALO Alright, looks like we have some time (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
166. CONTINUED: (2) KIKALO (CONT'D) to kill.
Kikalo grabs her bag and runs off.
LINK I'm going on the Sea Dragon first. And she's gone. Yeah.
Link nods his head contently.
JOPLIN She's always fast.
LINK Only when something's on her mind.
Joplin tilts his head in confusion.
EXT. BOARDWALK - DAY
Tails drinks his soda at a table. Kikalo's soda sits across from him. Tails' phone goes off. He picks up.
TAILS Hello?
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) Miles, where on earth are you?
TAILS Mom?
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) Dad said you would be hanging out with that Kelio girl today, but you also said you have a very important paper for English due on Monday!
TAILS Mom, it's Ki- it's Kikalo.
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) What's all that background noise, Miles?
Tails looks around.
(CONTINUED)
167. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS Uh, there's no other way to say this. I'm at Indiana Beach right now.
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) You're all the way in Monticello, Indiana?!
Tails winces.
TAILS To be fair, I didn't know I would be here, either.
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) You need to tell me these things!
TAILS I just said I didn't know.
Tails finishes off his soda, then throws it in a nearby garbage bin.
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) Well, I'm sorry, but you should come back home, if this paper is as important as it sounds! You're in a Honors class, for Christ's sake!
Tails gets up, Kikalo's soda in his hand. He walks out to the boardwalk and paces around.
TAILS I know, but this is actually important to Kikalo. She has a gig with her band here, and she wanted me-
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) I don't care if she got seasons passes for all her friends! I hate when you procrastinate like this!
TAILS I'm not procrastinating! I said I didn't know I would be here!
(CONTINUED)
168. CONTINUED: (3)
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) God, I knew this would happen.
TAILS What was that?
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) Nothing, nothing.
Beat.
SALLY STEADMAN (CONT'D) (V.O.) Alright, fine. Get a low grade from lack of effort. I mean, Joliet Junior College is cheaper than School of the Institute of the Arts.
TAILS I guess you're right.
Sally sighs.
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) Did you at least bring sunscreen? It's hot in Indiana in May.
TAILS (V.O.) Yeah, Kikalo bought some.
Tails looks forward, then double-takes and stares off in that direction. He lowers the phone slightly.
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) Can you at least promise me that you'll be home by nine at the latest?
Tails keeps staring. He brings up the phone.
TAILS I’m gonna have to call you back.
SALLY STEADMAN (V.O.) Alright, but-
(CONTINUED)
169. CONTINUED: (4)
Tails hangs up and lowers his phone.
In slow-motion, Kikalo walks down the boardwalk wearing a lime-green bikini and flip flops. Her bag is under her arm with her jacket sticking out. Tails is in awe with his jaw dropped as she walks over to him.
KIKALO Do you have the change left over?
Tails snaps out of it and hands her the change. She puts it in her bag.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Can I have my drink, please?
Tails extends the drink out to her. She grabs it, then sips the soda while pinching the straw adorably.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Yeah, that's good. I usually don't go for diet, as I feel it lessens the punch, but I find that Diet Dr. Pepper is actually pretty good; maybe even eclipses regular Dr. Pepper.
Kikalo smiles.
KIKALO (CONT'D) You like what you see? I wanted to go to the water park later, so I thought I'd just dress like this until the show tonight. Billy said it looked hot on me.
TAILS I bet he did.
Tails winces as Kikalo laughs. She looks down at her chest and pushes up her breasts while sighing.
KIKALO Don’t worry. My tits will be even bouncier on the Hoosier Hurricane.
Tails' brow furrows.
TAILS Hoosier Hurricane?
(CONTINUED)
170. CONTINUED: (5)
EXT. HOOSIER HURRICANE - DAY
Tails and Kikalo ride the roller coaster. Tails screams in anguish while Kikalo screams in excitement.
EXT. BOARDWALK - DAY
Tails and Kikalo run around the park, smiling. Kikalo has her jacket tied around her waist.
INT. MUSIC EXPRESS - DAY
Tails and Kikalo ride the Music Express, enjoying themselves. Kikalo scoots gradually closer to Tails when he's not looking.
EXT. STEEL HAWG - DAY
Tails and Kikalo approach an orange metal coaster. They get in line.
KIKALO This is by far my favorite ride here. It's the only one that goes upside down.
TAILS I've been to Six Flags a few times, and those rides are usually the best when they're upside down.
KIKALO Yeah, but it's Six Flags. It's the Wal- Mart of theme parks.
TAILS Six Flags is the Wal-Mart of theme parks?
KIKALO In my esteemed opinion, yes.
TAILS Then what's Disneyland?
KIKALO Never been. Only been to Disney World, which isn't the same thing. I went when I was six.
(CONTINUED)
171. CONTINUED: (2)
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #1 (O/S) Look at her boobs.
KIKALO Even though it was... so long ago, I think it's incomparable to anything.
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #1 (O/S) So not her color.
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #2 (O/S) Puke green.
KIKALO It was like I went to kid heaven. I'm sorry, did you guys say something?
Kikalo looks over to TWO TEEN BOYS, one flamboyantly gay, and TWO TEEN GIRLS. They're all pristine-looking and very preppy.
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #1 We weren't saying anything.
KIKALO Sorry, I heard something about green and thought you were talking about my outfit.
The second boy giggles. The first girl slaps his arm.
KIKALO (CONT'D) What's so funny?
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #2 Nothing, nothing. Just... neon. Like, oh my god.
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #2 Dude!
KIKALO Just because something is lime green doesn't automatically make it neon.
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #2 Oh, back the hell up, sis. I think I would know more about fashion sense than you.
(CONTINUED)
172. CONTINUED: (3)
KIKALO Why? Because you wear clothes?
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #1 What?
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #2 What? No!
KIKALO Because you studied fashion?
The teens are confused.
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #2 Hello?
KIKALO Oh, it's because you're gay! I couldn't tell with how subtle you are about it! Nothing like a Paul Lynde impression and clear skin to hide the homosexuality! Good job!
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #2 Who the hell is Paul Lynde?
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #1 Look, can we just drop this?
Kikalo sighs.
KIKALO Sure, I'm sorry.
The line starts to move forward.
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #2 Fucking bitch.
KIKALO Oh, I guess we're not dropping it then!
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #1 Why'd you have to do that, Becky?
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #2 I was whispering it.
(CONTINUED)
173. CONTINUED: (4)
KIKALO I think it's hilarious you JC Penney catalog rejects wanna give me fashion tips. I've seen Nazi skinheads with more style and grace. And even bigger titties than the three of us girls put together.
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #2 Oh my god.
KIKALO Got more to say, Kurt Hummel? You know the bassist of 4 Non Blondes called; she wants her baggy plaid shirts back.
The second boy scoffs.
KIKALO (CONT'D) And you, sharp shooter. I appreciate that you aren't that stereotypical of a jock to be stuffing the gay guy in a garbage can or something, but can you at least find a gay guy with some fucking fashion sense? You look like a football player who doesn't go crazy after head trauma and just lets himself go. Like everyday is the Super Bowl and you don't own a fucking washing machine.
Tails looks around nervously. The first boy is confused.
KIKALO (CONT'D) And don't get me started on you bitches. Daphne here needs to put some fucking ranch on her salads; you look like Geoff Peterson. And you, the blonde with mosquito bites for tits? You dress like you give incredibly mediocre blowjobs in a back alley. Maybe put on a denim jacket if you want to seem more "wholesome." That's not an insult, that's some goddamn advice. By the way, where the fuck are your frigging bikinis? At least I'm comfortable enough to flaunt my shell. You'd have to deal with guys looking at your rib cages instead of your boobs.
(CONTINUED)
174. CONTINUED: (5)
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #1 You keep talking about boobs but yours really ain't shit.
KIKALO Really?
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #1 Yeah, nigga. No one wants two perfect spheres that look like they'll fall off at any moment. It looks weird.
The two girls laugh.
KIKALO It's not as weird as a white girl saying the "n-word" because they wanna be Nicki Minaj. I'm guessing you don't even have black friends. Maybe the closest you have is a Southeast Asian chick.
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #1 Why is she so specific?
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #2 Just drop it!
KIKALO You started it!
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #1 We didn't start shit! You're the one who's uppity about a passing comment.
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #2 We don't even know you, ho!
KIKALO Don't call my shit puke green if you're not gonna fucking say that shit to my face!
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #1 Hey, dude, is she on her period?
KIKALO Leave him out of this!
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #1 Why's that?
(CONTINUED)
175. CONTINUED: (6)
KIKALO I'll kick your ass if you do, that's fucking what!
ANNOYING TEEN BOY #2 Bring it, Juno!
Kikalo is about to charge at the group. Tails steps in.
TAILS Alright!
Tails wraps his arms around Kikalo and begins to drag her away. She starts to kick and throw punches.
TAILS (CONT'D) Maybe we'll do this ride later!
KIKALO Let me go, Tails! It's four against a beast!
TAILS Sorry, it's this thing where she tries to get kicked out of parks. Let's go.
KIKALO I'll fucking kick your ass!
Tails drags her away. The second boy shakes his head as the others are mortified.
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #2 Would I look good in denim?
ANNOYING TEEN GIRL #1 No!
The line moves ahead.
EXT. SKYRIDE - DAY
Tails and Kikalo calmly ride a chairlift. Kikalo has her jacket covering her shoulders. They approach the other end.
KIKALO Why didn't you defend me back there?
The two get off the chairlift and walk on the wooden stand.
(CONTINUED)
176. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS You shouldn't have done that.
KIKALO What else was I supposed to do? Let them take the piss out of me all the way fucking home?
The two walk down the stairs. Kikalo takes off her jacket.
TAILS I'm surprised you even cared about what they thought.
KIKALO I know, I'm supposed to be tough as nails. If I cared about what I dressed like, I wouldn't be a hipster.
EXT. DINING AREA - DAY
Tails and Kikalo walk around.
TAILS Then why did you go off on them?
KIKALO I don't know, I just... I just didn't want to let their bullshit slide. Besides, I think my top is fucking cute.
TAILS Should I have defended you and your top?
KIKALO I mean, it would've been better than holding me back like a caged animal. Were you embarrassed or something?
Beat.
TAILS I mean...
KIKALO Were you embarrassed?
TAILS Only a little, but you were in the (MORE) (CONTINUED)
177. CONTINUED: (2) TAILS (CONT'D) right. It was just... shocking, I guess.
KIKALO Well, I'm a shocking girl.
TAILS Yeah, sorry.
Kikalo sighs.
KIKALO Alright, I'm sorry I embarrassed you.
TAILS I mean, I wasn't that embarrassed. It was kinda cool breaking up a fight. A little exhilarating, even.
KIKALO Exhilarating, huh?
Tails nods his head. Kikalo has a devilish grin.
KIKALO (CONT'D) You have yet to see exhilarating.
EXT. BIG FLUSH - DAY
Tails and Kikalo slide down a water slide, Tails fully clothed. They scream in excitement when they get to the end.
TAILS God, I'm soaking wet.
KIKALO Hey, I'm wet, too, you know.
Tails laughs.
EXT. WABASH CANNON BALL EXPRESS - NOON
Link lies back in a small train cart, nearly passed out. He spots Tails and Kikalo walking nearby. Kikalo is now dressed normally.
Link hops off the train and walks towards them.
LINK Hello, my lovelies. How have you (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
178. CONTINUED: (2) LINK (CONT'D) enjoyed the mechanical attractions?
KIKALO They were quite pleasant. And you, sir?
LINK Well, I slipped a little something in my 7-Up and, after riding the Jet Star, Zero G, and Sea Dragon, I kinda threw up on a toddler swimming.
TAILS Is the kid alright?
LINK Fuck if I know. Rides were fun, though. Oh, and the booking manager needs to talk with us in fifteen minutes.
KIKALO Cool. Let's go.
The three walk off.
LINK Why is your ass all wet, Tails?
INT. STEFAN’S OFFICE - NOON
Kikalo knocks on a small office door. The door opens. She, Tails, Link, and Eric are greeted by STEFAN OBLOWSKY, a bald man in his mid-thirties wearing a button-up white shirt and brown pants.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY Hey, Stefan Oblowsky. Nice to meet ya.
Stefan shakes hands with Kikalo and Link.
KIKALO The name's Kikalo; I'm lead singer.
LINK Link Later; I'm their manager.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY But you didn't get this gig?
(CONTINUED)
179. CONTINUED: (2)
LINK It's kinda in-name only, if I'm being honest.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY Oh, sure, that's fine. You're here, anyway. That's all that matters.
Stefan walks towards his desk.
KIKALO You know, I've been here many times in the past and... I always thought the gigs were in the RoofTop Lounge.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY Well, you know, that's kinda a bar.
Link pulls out a lighter and herbal cigarettes.
KIKALO I've played bars before. I'm not complaining; I'm just asking.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY Look, even if you were Hanson in the "Mmmbop" era, we wouldn't let you perform in the bar. Only people over the age of eighteen are allowed in there. Besides, my boss wants to do more outdoor venues.
Stefan looks over to Link.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY (CONT'D) You can’t smoke here. Park policy.
LINK Okay.
Link puts his herbal cigarettes away.
KIKALO I mean, I kinda like the fact we're performing in the parking lot. Gives us a larger audience.
ERIC Yeah, 'cause we draw that many people.
(CONTINUED)
180. CONTINUED: (3)
KIKALO Be optimistic. People like music.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY They also like water and breathing. I’m sure Billy told you that you’re a replacement for this local band?
Kikalo raises an eyebrow.
KIKALO He did not.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY Yeah, it was some goth punk band. Called themselves the Deadites.
ERIC Like in Evil Dead ?
STEFAN OBLOWSKY Yep. But then they were deemed "not family friendly." So we got you. You know, the band who does songs about fucking Anne Frank or whatever.
Stefan looks at Link, who is snorting heroin off the back of his hand.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY (CONT'D) Are you fucking kidding me?
Link sniffles and looks up.
LINK Wait, is there a “no heroin” policy, too? Damn, you should really put up some signs about it around the park.
KIKALO Link! Cut it out.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY That’s heroin?!
KIKALO Look, we're just ready whenever you want us to go. 8:00, right?
Stefan shakes his head in frustration.
(CONTINUED)
181. CONTINUED: (4)
STEFAN OBLOWSKY Alright, but just a reminder; Indiana Beach looks down on the use of or partaking in drugs or related paraphernalia on park grounds.
KIKALO Understood.
Link smirks.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY And keep it clean! Don't have any swears stronger than "sucks."
LINK Clean is my middle name, Mrs. Walsh.
Kikalo rolls her eyes at Link.
STEFAN OBLOWSKY Alright, get out there.
The band leaves.
EXT. VENUE - NIGHT
A crowd begins to gather in front of the stage. A jittery Billy walks over to Tails, who stands near the back.
BILLY Hey.
TAILS Hey.
BILLY I’m fucking excited. You?
TAILS Yeah, yeah, I really am. I can’t imagine how excited the band must be.
INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT
Link appears uncomfortable.
LINK You sure you want to do this, Kikalo?
Kikalo is flustered.
(CONTINUED)
182. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO I am so fucking sure, Link.
LINK I mean, I guess I can’t stop you.
KIKALO You know me. I’m a man with a plan.
Kikalo puts a toothpick in her mouth and walks towards the stage. Link grabs his drumsticks.
LINK I guess we’re doing the song.
Link gets up.
EXT. VENUE - NIGHT
The band finishes setting up. Kikalo approaches the microphone.
KIKALO Alright, our name is Anarchist Coffee Suites, and we like to fu... rock. We really like to rock!
The crowd is mildly enthused.
KIKALO (CONT'D) This first song is dedicated to someone particularly special to me. He's been with me for a while, and has given me so many great memories over the short time we've hung around each other.
BILLY Did she write a song for me?
Billy smiles.
KIKALO I won't say who because I don't want to embarrass you with association in case this gig goes bad.
Mild laughter.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Just know that this song was written (MORE) (CONTINUED)
183. CONTINUED: (2) KIKALO (CONT'D) because... well, you're very special to my heart.
Billy looks at Tails in blissful disbelief. Tails smiles.
TAILS I think she did.
KIKALO So anyway, this song is called "Furry." 1, 2, 5, 6!
The band starts to rock out. Billy's smile fades. Tails' eyes dart around. The band plays a song reminiscent of "Holland, 1945."
KIKALO (CONT'D) Hey there, sodden Joe
I was thinking and I was drinking
The blood of a rhinoceros
But I would be so amiss
If I didn't ask you to dance with me tonight
I'm not looking to start a fight
But when the tides are low and with the right Fahrenheit
I want my friends to have a little more bite
Just like an animal imprinting
But instead
We learn something new from you
The band rocks out. Tails looks over and Billy has left. He looks back to the band.
KIKALO (CONT'D) In aeroplanes and Adam's apples
Pounce like you're one of Hannibal's (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
184. CONTINUED: (3) KIKALO (CONT'D)
Prodigies, sod... my is the key
But of course, there's so much wrong
But who gives a hoot when you have a wonderful song
Wonderful song, yes, a wonderful song
Melodies, they come from me
To you
The band rocks out.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Baking cupcakes with ponies
Baking ourselves into sleep
As we ride upon the Ferris wheel
If nothing matters in life,
Then why does our friendship matter so much
To me
The band rocks out. Link goes hard on the drums as the song finishes.
The crowd cheers. Kikalo smiles. Beatrice steps out and takes Tails’ picture. Tails is caught off guard.
BEATRICE This scene is etched in stone.
Beatrice walks away. The crowd continues to cheer as the band begins to play “Spider Dismemberment.”
EXT. BEACH - NIGHT
Around a hundred PARTYGOERS dance on a beach lit by tiki torches. A DJ commands the party on an elevated turntable.
Beatrice shows Link the picture she took on her digital camera.
(CONTINUED)
185. CONTINUED: (2)
LINK And that will be our EP cover. You know, you should take more pictures.
BEATRICE ‘Tis but a jape.
LINK Even so, you saw the moment and you took it. And who would think something so spontaneous would look so beautiful?
BEATRICE ’Tis humbling.
Beatrice nods and walks away. Link bites his lip.
LINK Link, you fucking pussy. Link, you no- balls-having fucking pussy.
Link takes a sip from a red solo cup. He walks off.
INDIANA BEACH DJ How y'all doing tonight?
The crowd cheers as they hop up and down.
INDIANA BEACH DJ (CONT'D) That's what I like to hear!
Billy drinks from a cup. Tails stands next to him and tries to break the tension.
TAILS Great set tonight, huh?
BILLY Yeah, yeah.
TAILS Hey, uh, just-
BILLY I liked the new song. It was good, just wish they'd show On Avery Island some love.
Billy walks away.
(CONTINUED)
186. CONTINUED: (3)
TAILS That's fair.
Tails grooves slightly. Link walks over, on edge.
LINK Hey, there’s something I should tell you.
TAILS What?
LINK I said there’s something I should tell you!
TAILS What about?
LINK It’s about Kikalo!
KIKALO (O/S) What about me?
Link looks over to Kikalo standing next to him.
LINK I'm dipping.
Link pats Tails on the arm and walks off. Tails watches him leave, then turns back to Kikalo, smiling.
KIKALO So what'd you think of the song?
TAILS Which song?
KIKALO You know which one I'm talking about!
TAILS You mean the song? Oh, I loved it!
KIKALO That's great! I was worried it would come off too strong.
(CONTINUED)
187. CONTINUED: (4)
TAILS It was abstract enough! Hey, you might wanna talk to Billy. It seems he has a lot on his mind.
Kikalo glances over to Billy talking with Joplin and Eric.
KIKALO Tonight isn't about him.
TAILS Did you say something?
KIKALO I said I'll talk to him soon!
TAILS Alright!
Kikalo smiles and dances to the music as she walks towards the crowd. The music fades.
INDIANA BEACH DJ This next song is less up-tempo, but nonetheless groovy!
(Depending on the rights) The DJ plays "Rock On" by David Essex as the crowd cheers.
KIKALO I love this song!
Kikalo glances over to Tails. She turns around and starts to dance, slowly and sensually, as he watches. She motions for him to come closer as she mouths the lyrics. Tails glances at Billy.
TAILS Me?
Kikalo nods her head. Tails shrugs and walks over as Kikalo continues to dance.
TAILS (CONT'D) What is it?
KIKALO You wanna dance?
Kikalo starts to slink and shake closer to Tails.
(CONTINUED)
188. CONTINUED: (5)
TAILS Um, yeah...
Tails nods his head and bends his knees.
CROWD James Dean!
Kikalo grinds on Tails. He is shocked. He looks over to Billy, still talking to Eric and Joplin. Kikalo moves Tails' head back to her. She grabs him and slow dances with him. He gulps. She whispers in his ear.
KIKALO And where do we go from here?
Which is the way that’s clear?
Tails is about to speak, but closes his mouth and continues to dance. The two dance until they stop and look deep into each other’s eyes.
Freeze frame.
TAILS (V.O.) I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her right then and there. I wanted to tell her how I felt like she was the one true love for me and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, then kiss her with all the passion that was in my heart. I wanted to make her fall in love with someone like she hadn’t fallen in love before. I wanted to-
Unfreeze. Kikalo kisses Tails. He pulls back, in shock of what just happened.
TAILS (CONT'D) Kikalo?
BILLY (O/S) What the fuck?!
Tails and Kikalo looks to the right. Billy decks Tails in the face and he falls over. The crowd is aghast as the music stops.
(CONTINUED)
189. CONTINUED: (6)
INDIANA BEACH DJ Hey, that isn’t the way!
BILLY Little punk ass!
Tails tries getting up, but Billy kicks him back down.
KIKALO Billy, stop!
Link and Eric hold Billy back.
BILLY You fucking try that shit again, I'll kill you!
KIKALO There will be no killing of any sort!
Billy is furious, almost ready to jump on Kikalo.
BILLY Don't tell me what to do here!
KIKALO Please!
Awkward silence. Billy shakes his head angrily and looks back to Tails.
BILLY You lucky fuck... you lucky fucking son of a bitch!
Billy walks off in anger as Link and Eric let go. Eric walks away. Link looks at Kikalo, disappointed.
LINK Look at what you're doing.
Tails slowly gets up in a daze.
KIKALO Oh, good job victim blaming!
LINK (O/S) How are you the victim here?
(CONTINUED)
190. CONTINUED: (7)
INT. KIKALO’S VAN - MIDNIGHT
Kikalo drives the van with Tails sitting in shotgun. He has an ice pack on his face. They are completely silent.
INT. TAILS’ LIVING ROOM - MIDNIGHT
Tom and Sally watch TV. Tails enters the house and walks by in the background.
SALLY STEADMAN So, Miles. How was Indiana Beach?
No answer.
SALLY STEADMAN (CONT'D) Miles?
TOM STEADMAN Ooh, CJ’s doing “The Jackal.” Shh!
Sally gives up and continues to watch TV.
INT. TAILS’ ROOM - MIDNIGHT
Tails walks in and flops down on his bed. He turns right side up. Melinda sits on his hamper.
MELINDA Bitch is dangerous.
TAILS Don’t.
MELINDA When are we ever gonna talk about this?
TAILS When my parents aren’t in the other room.
MELINDA They're used to you talking to yourself.
TAILS Then I'll be honest; just leave me alone.
Tails closes his eyes and turns to his side. Melinda sighs.
(CONTINUED)
191. CONTINUED: (2)
He pulls the condom out of his pocket and looks at it. He tucks it under his mattress.
INT. KIKALO’S ROOM - DAY
Tails and Kikalo sit on the bed, textbooks open. Kikalo writes on a printed study guide as Tails holds some flashcards.
TAILS Alright, at what point do igneous rocks form layers?
Kikalo thinks it over.
KIKALO Igneous rock?
TAILS Yeah.
KIKALO I'm gonna say... when they're deposited over old layers.
TAILS That's sedimentary rock.
KIKALO Fuck! I am definitely not taking science next year.
TAILS At least you're studying for it. Alright, this is between a set of tilted layers and a set of horizontal layers.
Kikalo scrunches her face as she thinks it over.
KIKALO Angular unconformity?
TAILS You got it!
Kikalo fist pumps in victory.
KIKALO That was one of the tougher ones, too.
(CONTINUED)
192. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS I bet it is. I mean, it looks better than physics.
KIKALO Yeah, let's promise never to take physics. Besides, the finals for that would be the ultimate bitch.
Tails chuckles.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Isn’t it weird how you rarely see teenagers working on homework in teen movies?
TAILS Huh?
KIKALO Like, I think of some of my favorite teen movies: Ferris Bueller , Donnie Darko , Akira , Nightmare on Elm Street ... okay, bad examples, those are more esoteric. But look at a John Hughes film or a 90’s teen film. You never see someone doing homework. And I don’t mean like a project or big assignment that sounds fun, like a rewrite of a soliloquy or some interview with people who experienced 9/11. I mean, math or science or history; an assignment that requires a textbook or numbered questions. Even movies in elementary school have that problem. When I was in fourth grade, we didn’t just write papers about wanting BB guns for Christmas. We also had all this shit about studying for tests and condensation and water vapor and fractions. We need more scenes in teen films where they stop to work on boring, pointless homework.
TAILS There has to be something. What was that film about the SATs?
KIKALO The Perfect Score ? I haven’t seen it.
(CONTINUED)
193. CONTINUED: (3)
Kikalo looks back to her textbook.
TAILS Neither have I.
Beat.
TAILS (CONT'D) Look, about the other night...
Kikalo’s cell phone rings. She picks it up and sees the caller ID. The call is from Oak Lawn.
KIKALO Saved by the bell, right?
Kikalo answers the call.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Hello?
INT. HERSCHFELD’S OFFICE - DAY
An OBSCURED FIGURE sits in a chair facing towards the back window.
LARRY HERSCHFELD Is this Justine Kelley?
INT. KIKALO’S ROOM - DAY
KIKALO Yes, it appears so.
INT. HERSCHFELD'S OFFICE - DAY
The man swivels around in his chair to face his desk. He is LARRY HERSCHFELD, a scruffy-looking man in his late forties, wearing glasses and a nice suit.
LARRY HERSCHFELD The same Justine Kelley who plays in Anarchist Coffee Suites?
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - DAY
Kikalo is suspicious.
KIKALO Yes. Who am I speaking with?
(CONTINUED)
194. CONTINUED: (2)
INT. HERSCHFELD'S OFFICE - DAY
LARRY HERSCHFELD Well, my name is Larry Herschfeld and I'm with Joint Venture Records in the Chicagoland area. We've signed acts like Your Wish, Ken Doll, Furry Chainsaw Gang, Mylie Hoffman, Smash Mouth... the list goes on.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - DAY
Kikalo's jaw is wide open.
KIKALO I'm familiar.
LARRY HERSCHFELD (V.O.) Well, I think you'll want to become even more familiar with us soon.
INT. HERSCHFELD'S OFFICE - DAY
LARRY HERSCHFELD You see, one of my talent scouts saw your show in Indiana after the Deadites cancelled... hold on. Bella!
HERSCHFELD'S ASSISTANT, a young Southeast Asian woman in her early forties, comes in to the office with three dogs on leashes.
LARRY HERSCHFELD (CONT'D) Get my fucking mutts outta here when I'm on the phone! I'm talking to new, fresh talent! Up the stairs.
The assistant walks the dogs upstairs.
LARRY HERSCHFELD (CONT'D) Sorry about that. My talent scout recorded a bit of your performance, and played it back to me.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - DAY
KIKALO And you liked it?
(CONTINUED)
195. CONTINUED: (2)
INT. HERSCHFELD'S OFFICE - DAY
LARRY HERSCHFELD Oh yeah, I love the subversive sound that your influence has, just like their contemporaries. And from a commercial standpoint, kids will love this music just as much as I do, because it's out there and it's labeled "outsider." NMH, Death Grips, Animal Collective, Kanye West; I love all that /mu/ shit. Bella!
One of the dogs is downstairs peeing. The assistant runs down the stairs to retrieve the dog.
LARRY HERSCHFELD (CONT'D) Bella! Bruiser's pissing!
Larry returns to the phone.
LARRY HERSCHFELD (CONT'D) Anyway, I believe that you have serious potential at Joint Venture.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - DAY
Kikalo is enthralled.
KIKALO This is incredible!
INT. HERSCHFELD'S OFFICE - DAY
Larry smiles.
LARRY HERSCHFELD Thought you might be interested. Uh, we do, however, need you to make a demo for us.
KIKALO (V.O.) Absolutely.
LARRY HERSCHFELD What we got on tape was great, no doubt, but I want to show the others on board what you're truly capable of.
(CONTINUED)
196. CONTINUED: (2)
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - DAY
KIKALO Of course, that makes sense.
LARRY HERSCHFELD (V.O.) Alright then.
INT. HERSCHFELD'S OFFICE - DAY
LARRY HERSCHFELD I have to run, but please send in a demo by the end of the month. Damn dog. Anyway, you can just call me at this number or the number on our site.
KIKALO (V.O.) Alright, talk to you later.
LARRY HERSCHFELD Thanks, bye.
Larry hangs up and runs to a dog barking off-screen.
INT. KIKALO'S BASEMENT - NOON
The band practices. Furniture is rearranged. Tails sits next to Beatrice, who reads. Kikalo strums on her acoustic guitar, trying out different notes.
ERIC That last batch sounded melodic.
KIKALO Not really. We're emulating Mangum, not Philip Glass.
TAILS Has this always been her process?
BEATRICE Of tremendous curiosity it is to those who seek no value.
KIKALO I can hear you, Beatrice. And fuck you.
Kikalo keeps playing notes and mumbling words. Link, fed up,
(CONTINUED)
197. CONTINUED: (2) starts to play rhythmic drums.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Link, can you cut that for a sec?
LINK Sorry, just helping get this done.
KIKALO Well, this could be our big break. A lot of time and effort goes into each song I write.
LINK Right, right.
Kikalo's eyes narrow as she strums more notes. She finds two notes she likes and repeats them over and over with other notes.
LINK (CONT'D) May I interject?
KIKALO What is it?
LINK I know you finally found two notes instead of just looking up Neutral Milk Hotel sheet music and going from there, but I'm not sure if those two notes really work together.
ERIC What's up with you?
LINK Nothing, Eric.
JOPLIN There's a problem.
ERIC No shit, Joplin.
KIKALO What do you think of the other songs we did today?
LINK What, "Jousting" and another (MORE) (CONTINUED)
198. CONTINUED: (3) LINK (CONT'D) performance of "Spider Dismemberment"? They're good.
KIKALO What do you really think?
Link rolls his eyes.
LINK Honestly, Kikalo, they're good.
KIKALO Don't blow smoke up my ass unless you can try and sound convincing. What do you think?
LINK This sucks, okay? That's what I think! We don't need a fucking label telling us what to do!
KIKALO They're an indie label! They manage independent music. That's music based upon independence!
JOPLIN I never thought of it like that.
LINK I just wish you would discuss the future of our shitty little emulator band with the other band members before we got on a fucking label!
KIKALO You know what, I say we write a new song, and then we do "Furry," and then we're done with the demo!
LINK Oh, I forgot that it's the Kikalo show and that we're not an actual band who makes decisions as a team. Let's just straight up call ourselves Maroon 5 while we're at it!
KIKALO Let's just jam, Link! We need to get this demo done!
(CONTINUED)
199. CONTINUED: (4)
LINK You wanna jam? Sure, let’s jam. I even wrote a little something.
Link does a long, aggressive drum solo.
LINK (CONT'D) That was called “Shove a Football Up Your Ass Sideways.” I’m getting a drink.
Link tosses his drumsticks across the room and gets up. The band watches him leave.
INT. WHIRLED RECORDS - NIGHT
Billy is on the computer at his counter, writing an email. An IGNORED CUSTOMER is in front of him.
IGNORED CUSTOMER Excuse me, I’d like to buy this record, please.
Billy ignores her.
IGNORED CUSTOMER (CONT'D) Excuse me, sir. Can you ring this up?
Billy ignores her.
IGNORED CUSTOMER (CONT'D) Bro, are you listening to me?
BILLY Can’t you see I’m buying shit here?
IGNORED CUSTOMER I’m buying shit, too!
Billy waves her off. He finishes his email.
BILLY Alright, what the fuck do you want?
EXT. ALLEYWAY - NOON
Billy buys some drugs off of a DRUG DEALER.
INT. TAILS’ BATHROOM - EVENING
Tails freshens up and applies deodorant.
(CONTINUED)
200. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS (V.O.) When asked which was better, things that were imaginary or things that were real, Big Bird replied, “I think both are good, because it’s kinda fun to see all the real, wonderful things there are, and then it’s kinda nice to think of all the wonderful imaginary things you can think of.” At that moment I didn’t know if either the real or imaginary things in my life were quite that wonderful.
Tails brushes his teeth.
INT. TAILS' KITCHEN - EVENING
Tails walks in. He looks over to Melinda, who eats an apple by the window.
TAILS Hey, Melinda. I'm sorry, but I gotta run.
Melinda walks up in front of Tails, who is confused.
MELINDA So... what are you doing tonight?
TAILS Kikalo's having a house party to premiere her demo.
MELINDA You really like her, huh?
TAILS I know how you're putting that, and I don't appreciate it.
MELINDA Do you think Billy appreciated you getting close and pulling a half chub when she grinded her ass on you?
TAILS How would you even know that?
MELINDA Don't be fucking stupid, Tails.
(CONTINUED)
201. CONTINUED: (2)
Tails is getting annoyed.
TAILS This isn't how you should be acting right now.
MELINDA How should I be acting?
TAILS I don't know, but-
MELINDA Not like a bitch?
TAILS I wasn't gonna say that!
MELINDA But you thought it! Are you in love with her?
TAILS No, I'm not!
MELINDA Do you want to fuck her?
TAILS I just said-
MELINDA There's a difference between loving someone and wanting to fuck their brains out! So do you want to fuck her or not?
Beat. Tails wipes his forehead.
TAILS I mean, I think about her from time to time-
MELINDA I knew it! I fucking knew it! Is that what’s gonna happen, huh? You’re gonna try and be... normal? Like it’s not too late for that?
TAILS Can you stop asking me all these (MORE) (CONTINUED)
202. CONTINUED: (3) TAILS (CONT'D) goddamn questions?
MELINDA I'm only asking because I care about us! I care about our future together. Do you even like yiffing anymore? Or are you into your species now?
TAILS Stop!
MELINDA No, I will not stop until I get all my answers!
TAILS You're really going about getting them the wrong way, Melinda! I love you, but I... I don't know.... you're doing this! You're putting ideas in my head because you're projecting your fucking doubts so much that I'm now acting out those fears! Are you happy? You're driving away the only person in your life!
MELINDA So are you!
Tails is taken aback.
TAILS Sure, keep believing that. I have friends, you're just my right hand. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to go to. Expect me to come home late and maybe then we can discuss this like rational human beings.... or... a rational human and a rational anthro... God!
Tails throws his arms in the air and heads out. He slams the door behind him. Melinda is pissed.
MELINDA Don’t fucking forget me!
INT. KIKALO'S BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS
Link shoots up heroin, then places his tools on a box. He
(CONTINUED)
203. CONTINUED: (2) stumbles up the stairs, tripping halfway through, but getting back up again. He opens the door at the top.
INT. KIKALO’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Link opens the door to a rambunctious house party. He stumbles around as Kikalo walks around with Beatrice.
KIKALO I'm glad I could put this together.
BEATRICE Where perchance is Dave?
KIKALO Fuck if I know, probably out drinking with Ralph. I'm so glad you could make it.
BEATRICE Your joy is worth the celebration, one can surmise.
A loud crash is heard.
KIKALO That sounds like something important.
BEATRICE Truthfully.
Kikalo dashes off. Beatrice chuckles as she walks past Tails leaning against a staircase, talking to Amarna.
TAILS So what goes into a Coming Attraction?
AMARNA I mean, this is just what I hope to do if I get it approved. I want one pint of Miller Lite for the bottom layer, half a pint of raspberry vodka for the next layer, quarter pint of scotch for the second to last layer, and then a quarter pint of Hennessy for the top layer. Then we take some lemon powder and mix it all together. That's what I'm calling a Coming Attraction.
TAILS Does it taste good?
(CONTINUED)
204. CONTINUED: (2)
AMARNA Fuck yeah, it does! It also knocks you out like a goat!
Billy approaches Tails.
BILLY Hey Amarna, I was wondering if I could talk to Tails for a second.
Tails grows tense.
AMARNA Yeah, no problem.
TAILS What's the matter?
BILLY Just walk with me.
Billy wraps his arm around Tails' shoulder and the two walk off.
BILLY (CONT'D) Kikalo told me what happened. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions just because she tripped while dancing up on you and planted face first.
TAILS She said that?
BILLY Yeah, that's what she said.
TAILS Well... that is what happened.
BILLY Glad to get confirmation. Now, I personally feel terrible about what happened.
TAILS It's fine.
BILLY I kicked you in the head, okay? That shit ain't right. I thought maybe we could... you know what, personally, I (MORE) (CONTINUED)
205. CONTINUED: (3) BILLY (CONT'D) kinda want to keep this between us. Is it okay if we go upstairs for a bit?
TAILS Is there somewhere upstairs that's private?
ERIC (O/S) Kikalo!
BILLY I think there's a study or something.
TAILS Um, okay.
BILLY Hey, I'm not gonna fucking rape you or anything. I just wanna talk about some stuff.
The two reach the staircase. Link is passed out on the steps.
ERIC Oh fuck!
The two stop. Kikalo walks over to Eric, who stands over Link with worry on his face.
KIKALO The hell is going on?
ERIC He fucking ODed, that's what!
Kikalo looks over to Link, skeptical. She crouches next to him.
KIKALO What, you found him like this?
ERIC I was just talking and he slipped right underneath!
Kikalo snaps her fingers in Link's face. He starts to move. Eric is startled.
(CONTINUED)
206. CONTINUED: (4)
ERIC (CONT'D) Oh god!
KIKALO Link, what’s the difference between Wilmer Valderrama and Milo Ventimiglia?
LINK One was Fez, the other’s Wolverine.
KIKALO If he knows that, he’s fine. Just get him some lukewarm water.
Kikalo walks off. Eric is puzzled. He picks up Link and drags him away.
BILLY Let's just go.
Billy and Tails go upstairs.
INT. STUDY - NIGHT
Tails sits in an armchair. A bowl of sugar cubes lies next to him on a small table. Billy sits down in a neighboring arm chair.
TAILS I feel strange.
BILLY Why's that?
TAILS Like... everything is calm.
BILLY Well, when I listen to reason, I can be pretty chill.
TAILS Chill, right.
BILLY But yeah, again, I apologize for beating you up like that. It was really impulsive and unreasonable.
Billy picks up the bowl and presents it to Tails.
(CONTINUED)
207. CONTINUED: (2)
BILLY (CONT'D) Sugar cube?
Tails looks at the bowl.
TAILS Sure.
Tails reaches, but Billy picks a sugar cube from the top and places it in Tails' hands.
TAILS (CONT'D) Oh, thanks.
BILLY Don't mention it.
Billy sets the bowl down.
BILLY (CONT'D) How did you feel about the whole... kissing thing?
TAILS I mean, personally... it was pretty awkward.
BILLY Yeah.
TAILS I just... um, don't think of her that way.
BILLY Yeah, okay.
TAILS So initially I thought she was being serious until the whole... tripping thing. So it kinda confused me.
BILLY Hey, no problem there, I thought she was being serious, too. If anything, you were the one I shouldn't have been decking.
Billy presents the bowl to Tails again.
(CONTINUED)
208. CONTINUED: (3)
BILLY (CONT'D) You want another one?
TAILS Another sugar cube?
Tails licks his lips.
TAILS (CONT'D) I'll pass.
BILLY Alright, that's fine. You don't want to take too much acid, anyway.
Billy sets the bowl down. Tails stares blankly.
TAILS Did you ju... did you say "acid"?
Billy grows serious and nods his head. Tails starts to bug out. Billy leans in.
BILLY You see, Tails, Miles, whatever the fuck your name is; I think my girlfriend wants to fuck you.
TAILS It was a mistake.
BILLY I’ve seen her make mistakes. That was not a fucking mistake.
Tails’ eyes dilate.
BILLY (CONT'D) Nigga, are you listening? I think she wants to fuck you.
TAILS She doesn't.
BILLY Well, let's test this theory out then. I'll have you trip on this shit, and you'll act foolish. Embarrass yourself in front of all these motherfuckers.
Tails sways back and forth as the room grows darker and
(CONTINUED)
209. CONTINUED: (4) wavier.
BILLY (CONT'D) Personally, I have no idea what she sees in you. Your scrawny ass is incredibly unappealing, and I’m not even saying that as, like, I’m attracted to you. Cause I’m not. I’m saying that, as someone who is sexy, you’re pretty fucking subpar as far as I’m concerned. But apparently she sees nothing wrong with some... droopy- chinned, tussled-haired, socially awkward ass clown. But no matter! She wants to fuck you!
Tails has drool coming down his bottom lip. Billy leans in closer.
BILLY (CONT'D) But I know that she won’t fuck a fool.
TAILS Why...
Tails slurs and droops the word. He falls to the floor and groans.
BILLY I... I just told you why. Were you really not listening to me?
The "me" becomes higher and higher-pitched as it repeats.
INT. KIKALO'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Tails steps out of the study, tripping balls. Billy slinks his way into the bathroom and closes the door. Flashing colors and strange visions plague Tails’ fish-eyed view of his surroundings. Beatrice walks up the steps as he goes down. She looks at him.
BEATRICE There is something that appears amiss.
Tails pushes Beatrice aside. The trip continues as he stumbles around the house. He stops and stares at Kikalo laughing with some guests. She transforms into a Sumerian demon that laughs at Tails, who recoils in shock. Kikalo de- transforms and looks confused at him.
(CONTINUED)
210. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO Hey man, you alright?
Tails ignores Kikalo and continues to stumble around. He leans against the staircase wall as the room shifts all over the place. He looks to his right. Melinda stands in the front doorway, pissed off.
TAILS What the hell?
Melinda storms in in slow motion and walks up to Tails.
TAILS (CONT'D) The fuck are you doing h-
Melinda decks Tails in the face. He is caught off-guard. Melinda begins to beat up Tails, grunting as she does so. The party guests, including Kikalo, watch on in confusion as Tails stumbles around, acting like he's getting beaten up when no one is touching him. Link walks up to Kikalo with a bloody tissue in his nose.
LINK My teeth are so numb, I can’t chew an apple or a dick.
Link looks over to a stumbling Tails.
LINK (CONT'D) Is my dude tripping?
Melinda continues her beat down. People don't see her. She gives one final blow which sends Tails writhing on the ground.
MELINDA Get herpes and die!
Link points to the collapsed Tails.
LINK I'll have what he's having.
Kikalo runs over to Tails. Melinda runs off.
KIKALO Tails, what happened?
Tails mumbles incoherence.
(CONTINUED)
211. CONTINUED: (3)
KIKALO (CONT'D) Tails, you gotta tell me what's going on.
Tails imitates Billy Bob Thornton for no reason.
TAILS She beat the shit out of me. Just for coming here.
KIKALO Who did?
TAILS I... sugar cubes.
Kikalo grows wide-eyed.
LINK Told you.
Kikalo is deeply concerned.
INT. STUDY - MIDNIGHT
Billy sits in a chair, reading Of a Fire on the Moon by Norman Mailer. Kikalo knocks on the door.
BILLY Come in.
Kikalo walks in. Billy sets his book down and stands up.
BILLY (CONT'D) Hey baby, what's wrong?
KIKALO I think Tails was tripping on acid.
BILLY What? Really?
KIKALO Well, he said something about some substance. Then we was walking around and thinking he got punched in the face.
BILLY Did he ruin your party?
(CONTINUED)
212. CONTINUED: (2)
Kikalo cocks her head to the side.
KIKALO I mean, Link has done worse. So I think people were just confused but... party is still going down. What are... you doing up here?
Kikalo notices the bowl of sugar cubes.
KIKALO (CONT'D) What's with the cubes?
Billy turns around.
BILLY Just some party snacks.
KIKALO Why are they up here then instead of downstairs?
BILLY That is a good question.
Beat.
KIKALO Did you do it?
BILLY Do what?
KIKALO Did you give him acid?
BILLY Kikalo...
KIKALO Did you? Did you?!
BILLY Okay, I did! So what?
Kikalo scrunches her face and claps her hand, rocking back and forth.
KIKALO Well, I think we’re officially done here.
(CONTINUED)
213. CONTINUED: (3)
BILLY What?
KIKALO Or at least I’m fucking officially done with... like, all of this.
BILLY Bullshit.
KIKALO Oh, bullshit, huh? You think me going off on you for pulling a fucking Training Day on my best friend is fucking bullshit?! Huh?!
BILLY Keep your voice down.
KIKALO Oh, are you fucking scared or something? Scared I’ll expose you as a fucking nutjob?!
BILLY You’re a fucking nutjob for wanting to fuck him!
Kikalo is appalled.
KIKALO Get the fuck out! Get the fuck out!
BILLY We need to talk about him.
KIKALO Get out of my fucking house, motherfucker! Get out! I never wanna see you again! We're fucking through!
BILLY You're seriously breaking up with me?
KIKALO Get out! Get out! Right fucking now, get out!
BILLY Fine! Alright! I'll fucking leave!
(CONTINUED)
214. CONTINUED: (4)
Billy walks out of the room.
KIKALO Yeah, that's right! Fucking leave! Go! Asshole! Fuck you, asshole! Fuck you!
Billy walks down the stairs. Kikalo watches him leave, furious tears rolling down her cheeks.
EXT. TAILS' DRIVEWAY - MIDNIGHT
Two green slime balls move around a mailbox. Tails hits them with his truck and they turn into garbage bins.
INT. TAILS’ KITCHEN - MIDNIGHT
Tails walks slowly into the house. Melinda walks out of Tails' bedroom and leans against the hallway.
MELINDA Well, I got your attention.
Tails stops and stares at Melinda.
MELINDA (CONT'D) I bet you fuck like a bonobo on acid.
Tails takes a deep breath.
TAILS I want you out of my life. Are you listening to me?
MELINDA You don’t mean that.
TAILS Are you listening to me?!
Melinda freezes.
TAILS (CONT'D) I created you. And as quickly as I created you, I can destroy you. So I suggest that you leave me alone before I shut you out of even the deepest, most inactive corners of my mind. I love you, Melinda, but I can’t continue to love you if you keep going about things like this.
(CONTINUED)
215. CONTINUED: (2)
Melinda blinks.
MELINDA Don’t act like this, please.
TAILS My actions right now are perfectly justifiable!
Tails lets out a small awkward scream. Melinda sighs.
TAILS (CONT'D) Just leave now. We can’t keep doing this. So go.
Melinda hangs her head and holds back tears.
MELINDA Don’t forget me.
Melinda walks out of the kitchen and out the front door. Tails stays looking towards the hallway.
INT. TAILS’ ROOM - MIDNIGHT
Tails lies in his bed. He grabs his phone and plugs in his earbuds. He plays Anarchist Coffee Suites’ “To the Wood” from an mp3 file of their demo. The instrumental, with sad guitar and horns, is reminiscent of “Communist Daughter.”
INT. TAILS’ TRUCK - NOON
Tails drives with a stoic look, his camera in the passenger seat.
EXT. KIKALO'S HOUSE - NOON
Tails parks in front of the house as he loads up his camera. He gets out of his truck and walks towards the front door.
TAILS (V.O.) My two biggest influences as a photographer were Art Sinsabaugh and Edward Weston. I remember going to a museum with my mom when I was nine years old and being in awe of their photography. I found other influences, but Sinsabaugh and Weston always stuck with me in a large way.
(CONTINUED)
216. CONTINUED: (2)
Tails rings the doorbell.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) I hadn’t done nude photography before, so I had to reach for the secondary influence of Annie Liebowitz for today. I looked through her work the past couple weeks. You know, when I wasn’t sweating bullets about taking pictures of Kikalo naked.
Tails knocks on the front door. Kikalo answers in a red robe.
INT. KIKALO'S BASEMENT - NOON
Tails and Kikalo walk down the stairs. A white bed sheet has been tacked onto the ceiling.
KIKALO Like my setup?
TAILS Very professional. So how do you want to go about this?
KIKALO Well, what do you want me to do for you?
TAILS As much as you're comfortable.
Kikalo giggles as she stands in front of the sheet. Tails kneels on a couch.
KIKALO Well...
Kikalo drops her robe to reveal a button-up, see-through blouse and tan short shorts. Tails blinks in awe.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I was thinking I would do a sort of striptease; maybe get a more playful vibe doing that. So you can just... take my picture as I do my thing. That sound good?
TAILS Umm... oh, yeah, yeah.
(CONTINUED)
217. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO Great.
TAILS I bet Billy is gonna love these.
KIKALO Oh, I forgot to tell you.
Tails turns on his camera and looks up at Kikalo.
TAILS What?
Kikalo bites her lip.
KIKALO Nothing. Let's just not talk about him.
TAILS But these pictures are for him.
KIKALO Yeah, they were.
Tails glances around.
TAILS What do you mean by "were"?
KIKALO Do you mind if I play some music while I do this?
Tails is confused.
TAILS No, go right ahead.
KIKALO Terrific. I picked it just for this shoot.
Kikalo walks over to an end table and grabs a remote. She turns on a music player. (Depending on the rights) “Riotriot” by tUnE-yArDs starts to play. Kikalo starts to groove.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Duck.
(CONTINUED)
218. CONTINUED: (3)
Kikalo tosses the remote onto the couch. Tails ducks and it falls behind him.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Now... start shooting and listen.
Tails strengthens himself out and takes pictures. Kikalo continues to dance sexy as she lip-syncs to the first verse. She puts emphasis on the line "I dreamt of making love to you." Tails stops for a second and wonders, but ignores it.
The second verse comes in. Kikalo rips open her blouse, revealing her breasts. Tails is caught off-guard, but returns to taking more photos. She continues to dance and tease. She unbuttons her shorts on the line "So you can hear us through the night." She slides down the shorts and reveals her white lace panties. She gives a "come hither" stare to Tails as he begins to realize what is happening.
The bridge comes in. Kikalo starts to move towards the couch. Tails stops taking pictures and lets the camera fall to his side. She kneels on the couch in front of him, still lip- syncing.
The song becomes chaotic and Kikalo bursts with energy. On the line "Put your hand upon my heart, feel the beating of the wall," she grabs Tails' hand and places it on her chest. As the song gets more chaotic, she rubs the hand all over her chest while Tails is stunned. She drops the hand and slowly looks up on the line "There is a freedom in violence that I don't understand."
Kikalo grows closer to Tails' face on the line "And like I've never felt before." Then, she kisses him as the music swells. Tails pushes her off, grabs the remote, and turns off the music.
KIKALO (CONT'D) What's wrong?
TAILS Are you fucking nuts? Billy already thinks-
KIKALO Fuck what Billy thinks! I want you, Tails! I want you inside of me! You know you want this as much as me.
TAILS This isn't right!
(CONTINUED)
219. CONTINUED: (4)
KIKALO Why do you suddenly care about what's wrong and what's right?
Tails gets up from the couch.
TAILS I like you, Kikalo, but this is not something I feel all that comfortable with doing! So... I think it's best if I just leave.
KIKALO Oh, don't go, Tails.
TAILS I have to.
Tails walks off to the foot of the stairs.
TAILS (CONT'D) And besides, this is totally child pornography! I just realized that!
Tails runs up the stairs. Kikalo looks on in silence. She presses a button on the remote and lip-syncs to the rest of the song.
INT. TAILS’ TRUCK - NOON
Tails drives home, perplexed and freaking out.
INT. KIKALO’S DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Dave video chats with Abigail on his computer. Kikalo sits nearby, looking at her phone.
DAVE So, this is really happening.
ABIGAIL It sure is! Don't worry, I'm sure you’re gonna be a great addition to the team.
DAVE At least I'll still be talking about furries.
ABIGAIL Of course. You said it yourself. I (MORE) (CONTINUED)
220. CONTINUED: (2) ABIGAIL (CONT'D) talk all the time about so-called "degeneracy." Why wouldn't I welcome all different types of degeneracy to be discussed on my show?
Dave chuckles. Abigail leans in.
ABIGAIL (CONT'D) It also shows that you listen to our program.
DAVE Well, of course! Why wouldn't I join if I didn't know what to look forward to? You got the application?
ABIGAIL All the paperwork has been filed. So... I’ll see you first Wednesday next month.
DAVE First Wednesday next month!
ABIGAIL Alright, you have a good night, Dave!
DAVE Good night!
They hang up the call. Dave leans back in his chair and looks over at Kikalo.
DAVE (CONT'D) So, how was your day?
Kikalo gets up in a huff and walks out.
INT. KIKALO'S BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS
Kikalo watches TV from the couch. She looks over and sees Tails' camera. She picks it up and turns it on. She flips through the nude photos.
CUT TO:
Kikalo is asleep on the couch, camera by her side.
(CONTINUED)
221. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS (O/S) Kikalo? Kikalo?
Kikalo slowly wakes up. Tails stands over her.
TAILS (CONT'D) I forgot my camera.
Kikalo squints.
KIKALO You did?
TAILS Uh-huh.
KIKALO How the hell did you get in here?
TAILS Dave let me in before he left.
Kikalo’s eyes start to fully open.
KIKALO Well, the camera’s right here.
Kikalo grabs the camera and hands it to Tails.
TAILS Thanks.
Tails turns the camera on. Kikalo stands up.
TAILS (CONT'D) Shit, it’s almost out of charge.
Tails flips through the photos.
TAILS (CONT'D) I mean, I have to delete these 'cause they’re highly illegal, but I’m kinda glad since... looking at them now, this isn’t some of my best work. Not that you had to do with it, though; you were rocking.
Kikalo sighs.
(CONTINUED)
222. CONTINUED: (3)
TAILS (CONT'D) But as well as you did at modeling, the framing just didn’t work for it. I probably should’ve asked to adjust some of the lighting, too. In this one, you basically blend in with the fucking background. It’s that overexposed. And I must have gotten too excited because the motion blur-
KIKALO Look, I’m sorry if I made things weird yesterday.
TAILS Weird, huh? That’s what you’d call it?
KIKALO Don't say that.
TAILS I thought you liked me for my honesty.
KIKALO Look, what happened yesterday was... honesty. I was being completely honest and open with you in the way that I wanted to do it. Hell, I would've slept with you then and there.
TAILS You think I want this?
Kikalo stops in her tracks, stunned. Tails sets his camera on a dresser next to a picture of Kikalo's mother.
TAILS (CONT'D) Do you think I wanted to be treated like that?
KIKALO I was... I thought you liked me.
TAILS I do, that's the problem. Hell, I don't just like you. I'll admit it right now, Kikalo. I think I’m in love with you. But after yesterday, I'm more confused than ever. If you really love me, why would you make me a homewrecker?
(CONTINUED)
223. CONTINUED: (4)
Kikalo is irritated.
TAILS (CONT'D) I'm not going to be someone you cheat on your boyfriend with, or someone you leave your boyfriend for. I want to have time, because that's what a good person does. When they love someone, they don't make them feel like Plan B; like a dirty secret. I'm not Angelina Jolie or Daniel Craig. I'm Miles Fucking Steadman, and I don't want to be the rebound. I mean, if you're poly or whatever it is, that's fine. But you could've told me that instead of making me feel like utter shit. So I think the best option is that we don't see each other anymore. It's not because I don't love you. It's because I love you and I don't want to see anyone get hurt. You're already hurting Billy; he fucking told me how scared he is. Scared enough to drug me. So before you let things escalate, I'm getting the fuck out of here.
Kikalo is seething with restrained anger.
KIKALO Are you finished now? Are you done with your little lecture?
TAILS Yeah, I suppose I am. Well, I wish you good luck with your band-
KIKALO Don’t say goodbye just yet, you fucking cunt. It’s my turn now.
Beat.
TAILS Is it now?
KIKALO Let's analyze your little fucking "virgin-whore" complex, motherfucker. Are you really holding my love for you against me because I have someone else in my life? Someone who I broke up (MORE) (CONTINUED)
224. CONTINUED: (5) KIKALO (CONT'D) with two days ago?
TAILS You never told me that, but that’s still too fast for me.
KIKALO Oh, breaking up with McFightsalot and then trying to bang my crush the next day is too fast.
TAILS Yes, it makes me feel uncomfortable knowing that about you.
KIKALO Knowing what about me? Knowing what about me?
TAILS That you would be that quick.
KIKALO Oh, I'm sorry, did you want me to be a good little girl who waits until marriage and prays to the fucking Lord every night? Doesn't think about my own fucking feelings and ambitions and acts all proper for some douchebag who's uncomfortable fucking woman who aren't his right fucking hand? Do you know that you're not the first time I've cheated with someone?
TAILS Oh, I'm not surprised.
KIKALO Of course you're not. You're too busy being surprised at how far your head is able to go inside your fucking anal cavity. But yeah, I've cheated on boyfriends before. But I'm not poly. Oh, I'm not fucking poly. What I have, Tails, is an inferiority complex. And I don't know if it's brought up by my influences or me being-
A long censor bleep is heard as Tails grows wide-eyed and startled.
(CONTINUED)
225. CONTINUED: (6)
KIKALO (CONT'D) -or me being unable to see your gender as anything other than easy to figure out. But I have it!
TAILS Wait, that happened?
KIKALO What, the cheating?
TAILS No, the... the... oh my God, I didn't know. Kikalo!
KIKALO That's besides the point. Just forget I said that.
Tails is perplexed.
TAILS How can I ignore it?
KIKALO Just shut up! There's a reason that I actually cheat on every guy I get romantic with. But it's not because you're some good-looking floozy I see in line or in the halls or at the bar. I fucking lived for that shit! When I was with Billy, I even thought I might be able to stop; just like I thought with Roger and Jon and DJ. But instead it goes back to the foreseeable conclusion. However... however... this time, it's very fucking different.
TAILS How so? How am I not just another guy?
KIKALO How long did you know you liked me?
TAILS What?
KIKALO At what point did you fucking say to yourself, “Hey, I think I’m in love with this girl”?
(CONTINUED)
226. CONTINUED: (7)
TAILS I’d say... since May 9.
KIKALO Try two fucking years!
Beat.
TAILS What?
KIKALO Almost three. You really don’t remember me? Surely you remember Honors English 101, right? I had different hair that semester.
INT. ENGLISH CLASSROOM - NOON
Kikalo sits in a desk. She wears a trench coat and has green- dyed hair.
KIKALO (V.O.) Admittedly, green didn't look so good on me, but I wanted a change after everything that had happened three months before. Then I saw you.
Tails introduces himself awkwardly.
TAILS Hi, my name is Miles. My favorite book is probably Infinite Jest , though I also like Number the Stars . I enjoy playing games on Steam; that's what Valve made for playing Portal and Half- Life .
KIKALO (V.O.) I was probably the only one in there who didn't find you cringey as fuck. I was so sure that with my hair and trench coat, I was alt enough to catch your attention.
CUT TO:
Tails reads a book with a table of other STUDENTS. Kikalo looks at him from another reading table.
(CONTINUED)
227. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO (CONT'D) (V.O.) But to my surprise, you never did. If I had known you liked good girls-
TAILS (V.O.) That's not what I meant.
KIKALO (V.O.) Alright, you like subservient girls. Big difference. You have to summon me like you do with that Melinda girl.
INT. JUNIOR HALLWAY - DAY
Kikalo packs up her locker as Link talks to her. She looks over to Tails, who is being pestered and mugged by Ian and his cronies.
KIKALO (V.O.) Every semester came and I wanted to talk to you. I thought, man, I'm sure he'll have time for me in between being mugged. And as I made out with boy after boy, boyfriend after boyfriend, I still thought about the one boy I was unable to confront. This strange kid everyone called "Tails."
Tails drops his phone. "Communist Daughter" by Neutral Milk Hotel plays on his Music app. Kikalo stares at the phone. She looks at Link.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Hey, what's Neutral Milk Hotel?
Link smirks.
LINK Oh, you'll love them.
INT. KIKALO'S BASEMENT - NOON
Anarchist Coffee Suites practices and rocks out.
KIKALO (V.O.) Looking back, all the pieces to create (MORE) (CONTINUED)
228. CONTINUED: (2) KIKALO (CONT'D) Kikalo were there. I just needed your push to make them stick together. I wanted to be the most mesmerizing girl you had ever come across. Even if you had some far-off girlfriend, I wanted to steal your ass from her just by saying "Hi."
INT. JUNIOR HALLWAY - DAY
Kikalo is dressed like she was when Tails was being threatened and beaten up. She closes her locker as the other STUDENTS look over to the scene by Tails' locker. As Ian beats on Tails, she takes a deep breath and plays the music on her iPhone. She walks over to Tails and Ian.
KIKALO (V.O.) Everyone saw you as pathetic. I guess I saw you as someone who really needed saving. Seeing you getting your fucking ass kicked by some second-rate drug dealer; it gave me the final push to saying-
KIKALO (CONT'D) Let him go.
INT. KIKALO'S BASEMENT - CONTINUOUS
Kikalo shakes her head.
KIKALO At that moment, I forgot about every other person in my life. Nobody except me knew that I was in love with someone I never formally met. They were fine with me introducing you into my world because I did that with every fucking guy I met. Even the ones I didn't want plowing me. They didn't realize I had ulterior motives. That first Saturday was a seduction. I showed you everything I wanted you to see. My strengths, my weaknesses, my likes, my dislikes. I wanted you under my spell. I didn’t just want you fascinated by me; I wanted you to fall in love. When I took you to Indiana Beach, that was the day that I showed (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
229. CONTINUED: (2) KIKALO (CONT'D) you how cool and strong I was; that I would be sexy as fuck in a tiny little green bikini. That I would take you by the hand and get you on amazing coasters. That I would be so damn cool as to get a gig at an amusement park. Who cares if Billy set that up? He didn't know I would use it against him. That I would write a motherfucking song pouring my fucking feelings about you into it and even calling it "Furry." That I would dance like an enchantress and ignore my own boyfriend because you were the center of my world. I became the coolest hipster slut in the world because I wanted to be with you.
Kikalo sneers and looks down.
KIKALO (CONT'D) You and I, we’re not so different. We both saw each other as something to obtain and not as people. I didn’t know you were nuanced. You didn’t know I was nuanced. We were blinded by each other, so we didn’t dig deeper. And now we’ve dug and we’ve dug and we’re disgusted by our discoveries.
Tails stands speechless, with his hands on his hips and his head down. Kikalo looks in frustration.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Well, aren’t you gonna say something?
Tails looks up and stares.
TAILS No.
Tails grabs his camera and walks out of the basement. As he walks up the steps, he pauses at the top, letting out a long sigh. He opens the door and walks out. Kikalo stares in amazement.
Kikalo falls onto the couch and sobs uncontrollably.
(CONTINUED)
230. CONTINUED: (3)
INT. TAILS’ TRUCK - NOON
Tails drives.
TAILS (V.O.) I had to censor out part of what she told me because it was very sensitive information. Even in that moment, I still respected her privacy.
Tails turns on the radio. “99 Red Balloons” is just ending. He begins to quiver. He turns off the radio once the song ends, then screams and slaps the wheel.
INT. TAILS’ ROOM - EVENING
Tails charges into his room. He flops onto his bed and pounds on the mattress. He grabs a pillow and throws it into his closet, scattering clothes and trinkets everywhere. He grabs another pillow and beats it against his floor. Feathers fly everywhere. He grabs the comforter on his bed and wraps himself in it before throwing it onto his dresser. Books and papers scatter. He lets out a loud, painful scream. Tom and Sally enter the room.
TOM STEADMAN What the hell is going on?
TAILS Get out of my room!
SALLY STEADMAN Oh my god, is this happening again?
TOM STEADMAN Son, did something happen? Tell us what happened!
TAILS Nothing, just please leave me alone!
SALLY STEADMAN Do we need to take you to the hospital?
TAILS No, that would screw up everything. I’m fine.
(CONTINUED)
231. CONTINUED: (2)
SALLY STEADMAN If you’re at this point-
TAILS I said I’m fine!
Tails’ parents are taken aback. Tom grows serious.
TOM STEADMAN Now, we know you’re upset, but like I always say, there’s absolutely no reason for you to raise your voice towards your mother.
Tails screams in their faces. Sally goes wide-eyed. Tom rubs the back of his head awkwardly.
SALLY STEADMAN Why do you always think that’ll work?
Sally walks away. Tails continues to sob.
TOM STEADMAN Well, just... just remember to clean this up when... when you’re done. I’m sorry.
Tom walks away. Tails continues to sob.
EXT. BEATRICE’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Link walks up to the front of a nice-looking house. He has a bouquet of flowers in his hands and wears a spiffy suit. He smooths out his hair as he walks.
TAILS (V.O.) While my shocking surprise was due to what I thought was not knowing how to read people, Link was in for a shocking surprise that no one could see coming.
Link rings the doorbell.
INT. BEATRICE’S HOUSE - NIGHT
BEATRICE’S GRANDMA approaches the door. She opens the door with a smile.
(CONTINUED)
232. CONTINUED: (2)
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA Little Link Later! How have you been?
LINK Oh, I’ve been doing just swell, Mrs. Banks!
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA Are you still living alone?
LINK Yes I am. I have an apartment up in Coal City.
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA Well, that's lovely!
Beat.
LINK I was wondering if I could talk to Beatrice for a moment. Do you mind if I come in?
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA Sure, come right on in!
Link steps into the house. He closes the door.
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA (CONT'D) Beatrice!
Link stands next to Beatrice’s grandma.
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA (CONT'D) Beatrice, come downstairs! Your friend Link is here to see you! He...
Beatrice’s grandma looks to Link.
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA (CONT'D) What are you here for again?
LINK Let’s just say these roses might have something to do with it.
Beatrice’s grandma perks up.
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA Oh, you’re so old-fashioned! Beatrice!
(CONTINUED)
233. CONTINUED: (3)
LINK Is she busy right now?
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA She has a friend over. They’re studying for a test.
LINK I could just go up and talk to her.
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA Well, she hasn’t come down yet.
LINK Yeah, I’ll just go check on her.
Link goes up the stairs.
BEATRICE'S GRANDMA You should stop by more often.
LINK Hopefully I will.
Link goes towards Beatrice’s room.
INT. BEATRICE’S ROOM - NIGHT
Beatrice lies on her bed, making out with Holly, who is on top of her. Beatrice starts to feel up Holly. Link opens the door. Beatrice stops and looks at him.
LINK Oh, wow.
BEATRICE Why, perchance, have you approached?
LINK Well, whatever it was I came here for... it obviously makes no difference if I tell you or not.
Holly and Beatrice sit up.
BEATRICE Are you upset about something?
LINK No, I’m... I’m not. Just... I came here to say that... I love you.
(CONTINUED)
234. CONTINUED: (2)
Beatrice is shocked.
LINK (CONT'D) I had a whole speech planned but... if you couldn’t care enough to share this with me, you probably wouldn’t care about my speech. So... bye.
Link exits and closes the door. Holly looks at Beatrice.
HOLLY Who was that fuckboi?
Beatrice jumps off the bed and runs to her bedroom window.
EXT. BEATRICE’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Link walks out. He throws the roses into a bush by the door and puts his hands in his pockets. He walks down the block.
INT. OPENING SOON BAR - CONTINUOUS
Link drinks solemnly by himself. Amarna talks off-screen with someone on the phone in Spanish. She hangs up and walks over with another drink for Link.
LINK Thanks.
Link toasts to nothing in particular and takes a sip of his drink. Tails walks in and sits to Link’s left.
TAILS Hey, Amarna, am I still good here?
AMARNA Is Kikalo with you?
TAILS No.
AMARNA Well, I can’t serve you alcohol, only soft drinks.
TAILS That’s fine. I’ll take a lemonade, please.
AMARNA Anything for one of her friends.
(CONTINUED)
235. CONTINUED: (2)
Amarna smiles and turns to make the lemonade.
TAILS Yeah, of course.
Tails sighs. He looks over and sees Link.
LINK She broke your heart, huh?
TAILS She loves me. She’s loved me longer than I loved her.
LINK Yeah, I know. She told me.
Tails puts his face in his hands.
TAILS She did?
LINK Indiana Beach. She told me why she wrote that song about you. I thought it was because of your friendship. Turns out she had this crush for the longest time.
Tails looks up.
TAILS Pray tell, why didn’t you tell me?
LINK I tried to at that beach party. She stopped me. So I dropped it.
TAILS What else did you know?
LINK How the fuck do you think that a girl asking you to take nude photos of her wasn’t in any way suspicious?
Tails, embarrassed, puts his face back in his hands.
TAILS Ahh!
(CONTINUED)
236. CONTINUED: (3)
LINK I mean, not saying “she was totally asking for it” or some shit, but you could still suspect something. That’s not rape culture; that’s just a thought in the back of your fucking head.
TAILS God, I’m so... brain dead!
LINK Well, you are a furry.
Tails looks at Link. Link grabs his drink, then looks at Tails.
LINK (CONT'D) I’m kidding!
AMARNA Here you go, Tails.
Amarna serves the lemonade.
TAILS Thanks.
Tails takes a sip.
LINK Don’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe she’ll get over it. She always finds another guy after a while. I mean, she found a black guy who listens to Neutral Milk Hotel... in Will County nonetheless. She'll be fine.
TAILS But she said I was “the one.”
LINK She probably didn’t mean it.
TAILS If you had heard the speech she gave, Link, you would believe that she thought I was "the one."
Link shrugs his shoulders.
(CONTINUED)
237. CONTINUED: (4)
LINK You know when she was talking to me, she did have some conviction in her tone. Maybe you were the one!
Tails bangs his head on the counter. Link shakes his head.
LINK (CONT'D) I have my own sad story if it'll cheer you up. Ironically, the inspiration for it came from Kikalo calling me and telling me how you two knuckleheads confessed to one another.
Tails looks up.
TAILS No. You didn't.
Link nods his head.
CUT TO:
Amarna gives Tails another lemonade. Link is worn down by his story.
LINK So now I'm here. Everything is so fucked up.
TAILS I'm sorry.
LINK It's fine. Even if you never came into our lives, eventually things would fall apart. It's what people tell me happens after high school. You can never keep those friendships outside of that far-off, mystical building.
TAILS You really think you'll never see us again after this summer?
Link sighs.
LINK I'm going to JJC. Of course I'll still see you guys. It'll be like I never fucking left. I wish things were (MORE) (CONTINUED)
238. CONTINUED: (5) LINK (CONT'D) different, not personally but... internally. I mean, if I had known that she was... bi... gay... sexual, things would be easier. But why would she keep that from me?
TAILS I mean, she does care about you guys.
LINK Yeah, so you said.
Link takes another sip of beer.
LINK (CONT'D) But just think about it. I have so much sex and drugs and alcohol just flowing in my goddamn veins because I chose that. It makes me feel alive. It wasn't who I always was or thought I wanted to be, but it felt right. And yet, there was always one thing I wanted and I decide one day, "Go for it." So I grab the fucking suit I wore in my ninth grade play, buy some roses, and now I look like the punk rocker who got a promotion at corporate.
Tails chuckles.
LINK (CONT'D) Then, the one person you actually want to impress turns you down after you’ve tried to impress her for months and months. Soon, you wonder if the facade was even worth it. You know what I’m saying?
Tails is uncomfortable with his realization.
TAILS I’m not a lesbian, but I get you.
LINK It's just what I thought was cool, and it's all resulted in shit! Utter shit, Tails! My name’s not Link Later anyway. It’s Jim Jarmusch!
(CONTINUED)
239. CONTINUED: (6)
Tails stares at Link with a confused look.
TAILS What?
LINK Yeah. My parents were Henry Jarmusch and Laurie Jarmusch. No relation to the guy. They just named me Jim because I guessed they hadn’t seen Dead Man or Ghost Dog .
TAILS I mean, he isn’t quite the most well- known director out there.
LINK Yeah, with people like my fucking parents! But... but here’s the kicker! They ended up renting Broken Flowers one night and the only reason they changed my name was because they hated the movie! They regretted me having the same name as the guy who made a movie where you could see a girl’s pussy! It’s like... what the fuck?
TAILS So you were named after Richard Linklater?
LINK No, sadly. But I'm glad you know who these guys are. So, they were in the process of legally renaming me online. So they wrote down a bunch of baby name suggestions, and put “Link Later” as, like, a placeholder, because they didn’t fucking know how to attach a file. And it just stuck.
Link downs another drink.
TAILS So your name is a mistake?
LINK Just like me, yes.
TAILS You’re not a mistake.
(CONTINUED)
240. CONTINUED: (7)
LINK Quit flattering me.
TAILS I'm not trying to flatter you here. I've gotten to know you the past month and... you're different in the best way possible. I mean, heroin kills people but... it's a lifestyle?
LINK It's a harsh addictive substance, thank you very much.
TAILS Alright, fine.
LINK I mean, you only got to be friends with me because of her. I bet you'll drop me.
TAILS I'm offended you'd think that of me.
LINK What? You're seriously gonna stay with this bumbling fuckwit?
TAILS Just because everything’s fucked with her right now doesn’t mean I’m abandoning you as a friend.
Link looks at Tails.
LINK You mean that?
TAILS Yeah, I really do.
Tails smiles. Link chuckles.
LINK Well, I think it's safe to say you've finally gotten used to us.
Link finishes his drink as Amarna walks over.
(CONTINUED)
241. CONTINUED: (8)
AMARNA Alright, you know I love you, Tails, and you know I tolerate you, Jim, but we’re closing in five.
Tails looks at Link.
LINK I walked here.
TAILS Perfect.
INT. TAILS’ TRUCK - MIDNIGHT
Tails drives his truck with Link in the front seat. Link leans against the window with his elbow.
LINK I think I’m gonna stop.
TAILS Stop what?
LINK The drugs. The drinking. I only ever did it because some junkie named Raoul got me into it. He and I broke up like two days later, but I got addicted. I always played it off like it was nothing, but that's because it practically fused with me like that gay universe show on Cartoon Network.
TAILS You think you can stop cold turkey?
LINK I have, like, two bags worth of heroin left. That should be good enough for me for the rest of my life. Then, I’m done, hopefully.
TAILS Hopefully. What about the sex?
Link scrunches up his face.
LINK I may cut back on that while I’m at it. I’ll try and only fuck something (MORE) (CONTINUED)
242. CONTINUED: (2) LINK (CONT'D) every twenty-five hours as opposed to twenty-four.
Tails chuckles. Link chuckles in return.
TAILS That’s a good one. Nice.
Tails arrives in front of Link's apartment building.
TAILS (CONT'D) And me?
LINK What about you?
TAILS What do I do about Kikalo?
Link has sad eyes.
LINK Earlier on, I should've given you more advice. It's in your best interest not to fuck with her. I mean, you can fuck her, I don't care, but don't fuck with her. She'll fuck with you twice as hard.
TAILS I messed up.
LINK She can be really over the line sometimes. In my opinion, you did what you felt was right. If someone tries to touch you in a place or in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's no good.
TAILS Now that is a good Sonic reference.
LINK Though you told me you wanted to fuck her.
TAILS At this point, I’ve kissed her twice, I’ve seen her in nothing but her (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
243. CONTINUED: (3) TAILS (CONT'D) panties, she’s made me feel her boobs, I’ve fucking walked in on her masturbating. Honestly, I’m surprised we haven’t fucked already.
LINK Well, even if she’s butt-ass naked, she’s not always asking for it.
TAILS She was saving it for me.
Beat.
LINK Yeah, that's pretty fucked. Maybe you deserve a break from her. For your own sake, for her own sake. Or her own good, depending on how you look at it.
Tails nods his head.
LINK (CONT'D) I'll see you around, Tails.
Link pats Tails on the shoulder and gets out of the truck. He closes the door and goes inside. Tails drives off.
TAILS (V.O.) Who knew the last week of school could be such a downer?
INT. LINK’S APARTMENT - MIDNIGHT
Link shoots up heroin and lays back on his couch. His cell phone rings. Caller ID reads “BEATRICE.” He slowly removes the needle from his arm and answers his cell phone.
LINK Beatrice?
INT. BEATRICE’S ROOM - MIDNIGHT
Beatrice takes a deep breath.
BEATRICE Now bears us onward one of the hard margins...
(CONTINUED)
244. CONTINUED: (2)
CAPTION: (Canto XV, Line 1)
BEATRICE (CONT'D) Okay, you know what? I’m gay. I’m fucking gay! I’m fucking gay, and only you and all the girls I’ve slept with know it. Yeah, that’s right. I’m also not a virgin. I don’t just like girls! I fuck girls! How about that? I’ve fucked Holly, I’ve fucked girls from out of town, I’ve even fucked some of the girls you’ve fucked! I’ve fucked like eighteen, nineteen girls in the past three years of high school! And yes, I fucking keep count! And there's nothing wrong with keeping count! Good for the fucking memory! But yeah, if you wanted to know why I'm the one girl who won't fuck you, it's because I don't like to fuck guys! I fuck girls! There, I fucking said it!
Beat.
LINK (V.O.) Why didn't you tell me?
BEATRICE Why would I tell you guys anything?
INT. LINK'S APARTMENT - MIDNIGHT
Link covers his mouth and begins to weep.
INT. BEATRICE’S ROOM - MIDNIGHT
Beatrice listens to Link weep.
BEATRICE Link, I'm- I'm sorry.
Link cries harder. Beatrice frowns and hangs up the phone. She sighs.
INT. LINK'S APARTMENT - MIDNIGHT
Link stumbles over to a trash can by his desk. He drops the last bag of heroin in the bin. He takes a match and lights it, throwing it into the trash. A small but growing fire ignites. Tails stares in awe, then blinks.
(CONTINUED)
245. CONTINUED: (2)
LINK That was a very stupid thing to do.
Link runs to the kitchen and gets a glass of water. He runs back to the trash can and pours it over the fire.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - NOON
The bell rings. Hundreds of students run out. Tails walks silently alone. Ian and a stern PAROLE OFFICER brush past him, but stop.
IAN Hey, yo, Tails!
Tails looks up and is worried, then tries to act cool as the two walk up to him.
TAILS Hello... Ian Wells.
Ian glances around.
IAN Last day of school, huh?
Tails motions to the parole officer.
TAILS What the hell do you want?
IAN I just wanna make sure that there’s no hard feelings between us.
TAILS What?
IAN I know I was a bit of a dick... a delinquent... but I want to get rid of all bad blood between us.
TAILS Bad blood?
IAN Like the Taylor Swift song? Bad blood!
TAILS You mean like how you would steal my (MORE) (CONTINUED)
246. CONTINUED: (2) TAILS (CONT'D) money and/or beat me up whenever you got the chance, which kinda sucked because that was my only real interaction with anyone at this fucking school?
Ian tenses up. The parole officer leans in.
PAROLE OFFICER You stole his money?
IAN Just... just... I want to make things right. No hard feelings?
Tails stares.
TAILS Sure, whatever.
IAN I’m glad to hear that... thank you.
Ian almost goes in for a hug, but backs out. He and the parole officer walk off.
PAROLE OFFICER You never told me that you stole his money.
IAN I didn’t steal it. He gave it to me.
PAROLE OFFICER Alright, you mugged him for his money! I’m your parole officer, you need to tell me these things!
Tails is left by his lonesome. He looks around, then hangs his head. He walks away, staring at the ground.
DAVE (V.O.) Y'all knew I couldn't stay here forever.
INT. DAVE’S RECORDING STUDIO - DAY
Dave talks into his mic. A guitar lays next to him.
(CONTINUED)
247. CONTINUED: (2)
DAVE Don't act like I was always gonna be on some shitty internet show. That's not to say that I don't realize how much this show means to some people. I've gotten letters from people the last few years who said that listening to me got them through hard times. And this shit means a lot to me, because this show got me through hard times. But of course, we all have to get up and move on with our lives because that's just part of who we are as human beings. I mean, it's not like I'm gonna stop talking shit!
Dave laughs.
DAVE (CONT'D) You all know I can never keep my mouth shut. I'm gonna keep talking shit; I'm just gonna be doing it with Abigail Ryder now. I hope that you'll want to go on that journey with me as well. Now... I decided... since it's my last episode...
Dave picks up his guitar.
DAVE (CONT'D) I might bust out good old Charlene. That's right, I named my guitar Charlene. Don't judge me, you probably named your cock or pussy something at one point in your life. So I think the last thing I'll do before I go... is end it all with a little song. It's dedicated to my sister, who'll recognize this immediately, my parents, Ralph, who's coming with me to Freedom Fighter, and of course, to listeners like you. Thank you for your hospitality, and enjoy yourselves.
Dave looks down at his guitar. He looks back up.
DAVE (CONT'D) Enjoy yourselves.
Ralph smiles. Dave begins to strum his guitar as (depending on the rights) "Oh Comely" by Neutral Milk Hotel begins to
(CONTINUED)
248. CONTINUED: (3) play.
INT. BOOKSTORE - DAY
Link purchases a book and waves goodbye to the CASHIER as he walks out.
EXT. BEATRICE’S HOUSE - NOON
Link knocks on the front door. Beatrice's grandma answers.
INT. BEATRICE’S ROOM - NOON
Beatrice sits on her bed, browsing her laptop. She hears a knock on the door. She opens the door and Link steps in. The two sit on the bed, with her looking guilty. Link reaches into his plastic bookstore bag. He pulls out a copy of The New Life by Dante Aligheri. She smirks and laughs.
The two hug as tears roll down their cheeks.
INT. BEATRICE'S CAR - DAY
Link sits in the passenger seat, nervous. Beatrice comforts him and she shrugs her shoulders.
EXT. REHABILITATION CENTER - DAY
Beatrice walks Link up to a large one-story building with a sign that says "Sunny Futures Rehabilitation Facility." Link takes a deep breath and walks in with Beatrice.
CUT TO:
Beatrice cries in her car, alone.
INT. DAVE'S RECORDING STUDIO - NIGHT
Ralph and Dave pack up their things from a practically cleaned-out studio. Dave turns off the light.
INT. ABIGAIL’S STUDIO - DAY
The calendar behind Abigail reads "June 26th." She is decked out in rainbow-colored garb as she joyfully celebrates. Her CO-HOST, a small woman with a shaved head, does the same. Dave smiles as he's given a rainbow-colored cowboy hat. He takes off his regular hat and puts it on. He looks at Ralph, smiling and shaking his head. Dave laughs heartily.
(CONTINUED)
249. CONTINUED: (2)
INT. HERSCHFELD'S OFFICE - DAY
Larry Herschfeld talks to Kikalo in his office. She is disappointed.
INT. FFR OFFICES - EVENING
The crew leaves the studio. Dave removes his rainbow hat. He notices a phone number attached to the ribbon. He looks over to Abigail, who winks at him before she walks off. Dave smirks and walks away.
INT. KIKALO'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Dave walks in, giddy with excitement. His happiness fades as he looks at Kikalo crying on the couch. He runs over and comforts her.
CUT TO:
Dave sits at a nightstand, an assortment of framed family pictures upon it. He stares at them, tears down his face.
INT. KIKALO'S HOUSE - DAY
Kikalo opens the front door. Billy stands on the other side. She smiles and motions him in. He walks in. She looks outside with a content but sad look on her face.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - NOON
Kikalo and Billy make out and snuggle on her bed. Billy reaches towards her crotch, but she pushes his hand back up. He is confused, but she shrugs her shoulders. They go back to making out.
EXT. TAILS' DRIVEWAY - NOON
Tails parks his truck and gets out. He walks with his backpack in his right hand, a miserable look across his face. He walks over to a button-based garage opener and punches in a code. A garage door opens and he slumps inside.
INT. TAILS' ROOM - NOON
Tails lies in bed, staring at the ceiling. He reaches under his mattress and pulls out the Indiana Beach condom. He unwraps it. He blows the condom into a balloon before popping it with a toothpick.
CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
250. CONTINUED: (2)
Tails listens to "Oh Comely" on his laptop, depressed. Melinda comes over from behind and wraps her arms around him. She kisses his neck as the song ends.
INT. TAILS' BASEMENT - NOON
Tails lies on the couch, scrolling through his phone. Tom opens the door at the top of the stairs. He peeks down.
TOM STEADMAN Miles?
TAILS Yeah?
Tom walks down the stairs.
TOM STEADMAN Hey, buddy. What are you up to?
TAILS I’m just on my phone.
TOM STEADMAN I can see that. What are you doing on your phone?
TAILS Just browsing.
Tails taps on a page with furry porn.
TOM STEADMAN Just browsing the Internet, huh?
TAILS Yep.
TOM STEADMAN You know it’s really nice outside. Probably the nicest day we’ll have this August. You should go outside and ride around on your scooter. Maybe we could go for a walk or something.
TAILS Maybe later.
Tails continues browsing on his phone. Tom sighs.
(CONTINUED)
251. CONTINUED: (2)
TOM STEADMAN What about your friends? You could go hang out with them. You ever talk to Kikalo anymore?
TAILS Dad?
TOM STEADMAN What?
Tails bites his lip.
TAILS We had a falling out.
TOM STEADMAN You did? How did that happen?
TAILS Irreconcilable differences.
Tom squints.
TOM STEADMAN Well, that must suck.
TAILS Yeah.
TOM STEADMAN What about that one guy, Link? The senior?
TAILS He... went away for a while.
TOM STEADMAN Like on vacation?
TAILS Yeah, he took a vacation.
TOM STEADMAN For how long?
TAILS Um... twenty-eight days?
Tom scrunches up his face. Beat.
(CONTINUED)
252. CONTINUED: (3)
TOM STEADMAN You have any other friends right now?
TAILS Beatrice is busy taking care of Link.
TOM STEADMAN Well, that's nice. I mean, bad for you, but nice of her to do that.
TAILS Yeah.
TOM STEADMAN Wish you could talk to someone?
TAILS Kinda sorta.
TOM STEADMAN Kinda sorta, kinda sorta. So I guess you don't have any friends you can get in touch with at the moment.
TAILS Yeah.
Beat.
TOM STEADMAN Are you still into the furry shit?
Tails puts his phone down and stares at Tom.
TOM STEADMAN (CONT'D) You think I won’t find out about your secrets at some point or another?
TAILS How though?
TOM STEADMAN You really need to get a password for your phone, son. Anyone can fucking snatch it, or stumble across... hairy breasts.
TAILS Does... does Mom know?
(CONTINUED)
253. CONTINUED: (4)
TOM STEADMAN Oh God, no! Do you think I’m stupid? If she knew, you’d be in a mental hospital right now!
TAILS Are you upset?
TOM STEADMAN I mean, a little, yeah! It’s kinda weird! But at the same time... you’re my son. Your mom and I have always known you were weird. So if you’re into that... I’ll... I’ll support you.
Tails wipes his eyes. Tom sits down on the couch.
TOM STEADMAN (CONT'D) Hey, is... is something wrong?
TAILS No, I'm... I just... why is everything so hard?
TOM STEADMAN Yeah, life's a bitch. But just think. In a year or so, you won't have to see or think of any of these people ever again. You'll be up in Chicago, taking pictures, making friends... maybe you'll meet other furries. Don't they have... they have conventions or something?
TAILS I'm not into the furry conventions.
TOM STEADMAN Fair enough. You'll be in college soon enough, and that's when your life really starts. Just think about that. You're the most special person in the world to me. Never forget that.
Tails sniffles and smiles.
TAILS I love you, Dad.
TOM STEADMAN I love you, too, son.
(CONTINUED)
254. CONTINUED: (5)
The two hug. Tom kisses the side of his son's head.
TOM STEADMAN (CONT'D) Just let me know if you need anything.
TAILS I will, Dad.
Tom walks away from the couch. As he reaches the stairs, he stops and turns around.
TOM STEADMAN You know, when I was your age, I had a thing for Smurfette.
TAILS Dad!
TOM STEADMAN Alright, just thought I’d help.
Tom goes back upstairs. Tails goes back to his phone.
EXT. TAILS’ HOUSE - DAY
Tails stands in the driveway with his parents. They have packed their car. Sally hugs Tails.
TAILS Tell Iris I’m sorry about Aunt Horsey.
SALLY STEADMAN I will.
The hug breaks and Sally walks to the car. Tom, hands in his pockets, walks over to Tails.
TAILS I can’t believe she’s dead.
TOM STEADMAN Well, we all die eventually. Someday soon, Grandma and Grandpa will die.
TAILS I don’t even wanna think about that.
Tails and Tom hug.
TOM STEADMAN Remember what I said.
(CONTINUED)
255. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS I will.
The hug breaks. Tom walks to the driver’s seat.
TAILS (CONT'D) I love you guys!
TOM STEADMAN Love you too!
SALLY STEADMAN Love you too!
The car drives off. Tails waves to them and they wave back.
INT. TAILS’ KITCHEN - DAY
Tails walks in. His phone goes off and he pulls it out of his pocket. It’s a text from Kikalo. Tails stops cold and opens his phone. He stares at the first text message.
TAILS “About two hours from now, the eagle will be landing in an untouched region of America.”
Tails is perplexed. Another text pops up.
TAILS (CONT'D) “What I mean is that Billy’s penis is going inside my virginal snatch.”
Tails lowers the phone to his side. He gets another text from Kikalo.
TAILS (CONT'D) “Also peep this...”
INT. TAILS’ BEDROOM - NOON
Tails plays a SoundCloud link for “They Got Tim Minchin” by The Pudding Bandits. A zoomed-in, purple-tinted photo of Kikalo is the album cover. The fast punk song begins to play.
KIKALO (V.O.) Amateur chicken fucker!
Whiskey pussy! (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
256. CONTINUED: (2) KIKALO (CONT'D)
What a lovely fucking couple!
Listening to Claude Debussy!
Kidding, bitch!
They’re cutting each other to avoid a situation!
In court!
Don’t do drugs if you’re not cool!
They got Tim Minchin, and I’m very sad!
All he’s doing is musicals based on movies, and I’m not glad!
If he quit tomorrow, think of all the great songs to be had!
Fuck the motherfucking fuckers on Broadway!
Broadway!
Broadway!
Yeah! Yeah!
Tails pauses the song. He squints in confusion. Melinda slowly moves into the room.
MELINDA That sounded like shit.
TAILS I didn’t think it was that bad.
MELINDA What the hell were those lyrics even about?
TAILS Tim Minchin?
Melinda smiles and rolls her eyes.
(CONTINUED)
257. CONTINUED: (3)
MELINDA Come on. Forget about her. She broke your heart.
TAILS I broke her heart.
MELINDA Whatever, hearts were broken. That’s why you came back to me.
Melinda walks over to Tails and rubs his shoulders.
MELINDA (CONT'D) Come on, Foxy. Don’t you wanna fuck me? When the parents are away, the lovers will play.
Tails smiles.
INT. WHITE BEDROOM - EVENING
Melinda lies naked on the bed, her arms over her head.
INT. SECOND BATHROOM - EVENING
Tails removes his socks, then his shirt. As he unzips his jeans, he stops midway and looks in the mirror. He lets go of his pants and turns on the faucet. He washes his face before looking back up. He stares at his reflection in the mirror.
TAILS This is the end, friend.
Tails grabs his shirt and starts to put it back on.
INT. HALLWAY - EVENING
Tails, fully clothed, exits the bathroom.
MELINDA (O/S) Are you ready, baby?
TAILS Melinda, could you come out here for a sec?
MELINDA (O/S) Ooh, we're not doing it in the (MORE) (CONTINUED)
258. CONTINUED: (2) MELINDA (CONT'D) bedroom? Someone's got some ideas!
Tails puts his hands in his pockets. Melinda steps out in a blue robe, her hands also in her pockets.
MELINDA (CONT'D) So what's up?
TAILS Look, Melinda... there’s no other way to say this. I’m not going to have sex with you.
Melinda's smiles slowly drops to a frown.
TAILS (CONT'D) I have to be completely honest. I am in love with Kikalo. I have been ever since I laid eyes on her. It's only now when she sends me this message out of the blue that I realize how much I love her. I know our hearts are broken, but I know there's always second chances. And in this second chance, I know for certain that I want to be with Kikalo for the rest of my life. I am utterly fascinated, truly captivated by her. I'm sorry, but I think this might be the end of our relationship. I've found someone else. It's not you. It's me. I'm sorry.
Melinda looks at the ground.
MELINDA Well, I knew this day would come.
TAILS If you're pissed off, I understand.
MELINDA Do I look like I'm mad? I'm not. I'm happy for you. You're not only being honest with me. You're being honest with yourself. I knew we wouldn't always be together. You wanted it to not be like that. Hell, I wanted us to be together. But I think it's time you stopped listening to your head and started listening to your heart. (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
259. CONTINUED: (3) MELINDA (CONT'D) Because up there... it wants things to stay the same. But in there, in that big heart of yours, you really know what you want. I'm not mad at you, I'm not disappointed. I'm proud of you, Miles "Tails" Steadman.
Tails smiles.
TAILS I'll always remember you.
MELINDA I'll always remember you... Foxy.
Melinda smiles. The two embrace to share one last passionate kiss.
TAILS Thank you.
MELINDA The pleasure was all mine.
The embrace breaks.
MELINDA (CONT'D) Go get her.
Tails walks backwards. He dashes out of the house. Melinda stands in the hallway, smiling. She closes her eyes and begins to dissolve out of existence.
EXT. TAILS' DRIVEWAY - EVENING
Tails hops into his truck. He turns on the ignition and begins to pull out.
INT. TAILS' TRUCK - EVENING
Tails pulls out of his driveway.
TAILS (V.O.) There's always that scene at the end of romantic movies where the main character rushes against all odds to find their one true love. They might've hit some bumps along the way that brought them to that point, but (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
260. CONTINUED: (2) TAILS (CONT'D) now they realize what is most important to them. So the hero races against time. It's almost as annoying as narration trying to be clever by pointing out the trope of heroes racing against time to find their true love. At that moment, though, I didn't give a fuck about any of that bullshit. All I cared about was driving to Kikalo's house.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - EVENING
Kikalo opens the door. She and Billy make out against a wall before they fall onto her bed.
TAILS (V.O.) I figured she'd want to lose her virginity in her own bed. Probably something symbolic or meaningful.
Billy takes off his shirt.
INT. TAILS’ TRUCK - EVENING
Tails drives down a hill and over railroad tracks.
TAILS (V.O.) Sure, she thought I was easy to win over and saw me as some goal to attain. I saw her as the manic pixie cool girl who does all the things I find cool and daring. At that moment, none of that bullshit mattered. The way I saw it, I didn’t need her, and she didn’t need me. We needed each other.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - EVENING
Kikalo takes off her T-shirt. She has a white bra underneath. Billy feels her up and kisses the top of her breasts. She leans back in pleasure.
INT. TAILS' TRUCK - EVENING
Tails waits at a stop light. He taps on the wheel as it finally turns green. He accelerates.
(CONTINUED)
261. CONTINUED: (2)
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - EVENING
Kikalo removes her shorts, revealing her white panties. She mounts Billy and makes out with him. His hand rubs and squeezes her backside.
INT. TAILS' TRUCK - EVENING
Tails turns the corner at a Dollar Store. He drives closer and closer to Kikalo's house.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - EVENING
Kikalo kisses down Billy's chest. She reaches his waist and grabs the belt of his pants. She begins to undo the belt.
INT. TAILS' TRUCK - EVENING
Tails drives towards the front of Kikalo's house. He slams on the brakes.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - EVENING
Kikalo removes Billy's jeans, revealing his red briefs that conceal a large erection. Kikalo smiles and licks her lips.
EXT. KIKALO'S HOUSE - EVENING
Tails runs towards Kikalo's window.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - EVENING
Kikalo leans in to kiss Billy's clothed erection.
TAILS (O/S) Kikalo!
Kikalo stops. Billy looks towards the window.
BILLY What the fuck?
Billy gets up. Kikalo sits on the edge of her bed.
EXT. KIKALO'S HOUSE - EVENING
Tails stands below her windowsill.
(CONTINUED)
262. CONTINUED: (2)
TAILS (O/S) Kikalo! I'm here!
Billy opens the window and looks down at Tails.
BILLY The fuck is your ass doing here?
TAILS Kikalo! I got here as fast as I could!
BILLY Do I look like Kikalo, asshole?
TAILS Billy, I know she can hear me in there! Just tell her I got her message and that I'm sorry!
BILLY What message?
Beat.
KIKALO (O/S) Is that really you, Tails?
TAILS I love you, Kikalo!
BILLY What fucking message?
TAILS I've been wanting to say it to you for so long and now I truly mean it when I say it.
BILLY Is just no one gonna answer my fucking questions?
TAILS I know I haven't been the best for you, and you know you haven't always the best for me. But I see now that we go together so perfectly. And I realize you're in the middle of losing your virginity, so... I'm sorry if I (MORE) (CONTINUED)
263. CONTINUED: (3) TAILS (CONT'D) killed the mood or your horniess. The point is I wanted to say this whether you took me back or not.
INT. KIKALO’S ROOM - EVENING
Kikalo watches on in splendid awe.
BILLY Take you back? Nigga, she was never yours to begin with!
Kikalo smiles and lowers her head. She takes a deep breath.
KIKALO This was a test!
Kikalo raises her head.
EXT. KIKALO'S HOUSE - EVENING
Tails is surprised.
TAILS What?
INT. KIKALO’S ROOM - EVENING
Billy turns to Kikalo.
BILLY What?
Kikalo nods her head.
KIKALO I never intended to have sex with you, Billy. I mean, if he didn't come over, I probably would've, but it was never my intention. I told him beforehand that I was planning on having sex with you because I wanted to see if he still cared. He does. Tails, I'm still in love with you, too!
Kikalo looks at Billy.
KIKALO (CONT'D) It's nothing personal. I just had to get him back. Of all the ex-boyfriends (MORE)
(CONTINUED)
264. CONTINUED: (2) KIKALO (CONT'D) I had, you were definitely top three, if that makes you feel any better.
Billy stares at Kikalo, his anger growing.
BILLY You used me? You fucking used me?
KIKALO I’m sorry, Billy. I hope you understand what I needed to do and don’t take any of this the wrong way-
Billy punches Kikalo in the face. She falls onto the bed.
BILLY The fuck is wrong with you, crazy bitch?!
KIKALO First of all, how dare you!
Billy punches Kikalo again. He starts to beat her.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Tails!
EXT. KIKALO'S HOUSE - EVENING
Tails becomes worried.
TAILS Kikalo? What happened?
Another punch.
BILLY (O/S) I’ll fucking kill you, you psycho cunt!
TAILS Oh shit!
INT. KIKALO’S ROOM - EVENING
Billy continues to hit Kikalo.
KIKALO Tails? Tails! Please- please hurry!
(CONTINUED)
265. CONTINUED: (2)
Kikalo tries to claw Billy’s face, but he grabs her neck and rams it into the bedpost before smacking her again.
EXT. KIKALO'S HOUSE - EVENING
More punches and grunts are heard as Tails runs to the door.
TAILS I’m coming up there!
KIKALO Hurry!
Tails backs up to get a running start. He runs into the door. He recoils in pain.
TAILS Fuck!
KIKALO The door’s unlocked!
Tails runs towards the door and opens it.
TAILS Thank you!
Tails dashes inside.
INT. KIKALO’S ROOM - EVENING
Tails runs inside. Billy repeatedly punches a bloody Kikalo.
BILLY You are nothing but a fucking psychopathic bitch, and I'm fed up with your fucking shit!
Tails tries to pull Billy off of her. Billy flings up and Tails lets go. Billy backs up and bumps into the edge of a window frame. He recoils and grabs the back of his head.
BILLY (CONT'D) Ow, ow, ow! Fuck! Fucking hell!
TAILS Kikalo, are you okay?
Kikalo props herself up.
(CONTINUED)
266. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO Just dandy.
Billy yells in pain. Kikalo looks over to Billy. She grabs his clothes and stands up. She limps over to Tails' side.
BILLY God, it's like a funny bone! God! Shit!
TAILS Hey, man, you okay?
Billy brings his hands down and jets out at the two.
BILLY Fuck you!
Tails instinctively stands partially in front of Kikalo.
BILLY (CONT'D) You fucking bitch! I'll fucking kill you, then I'll clone you, then I'll kill all your clones, and then I'll never fucking see you ever again!
TAILS Don't you threaten her.
KIKALO That's from Madagascar .
Tails looks at Kikalo.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I'm... I'm just saying, it is!
BILLY I'm getting the fuck out of here! Give me my damn clothes.
Billy reaches for his clothes but Kikalo backs away. Tails looks at her with confusion.
KIKALO You think after almost beating me to a bloody fucking pulp that I'll just give you your clothes back? You don't deserve the clothes on your back! You-
Tails grabs the clothes from Kikalo's hand and gives them to
(CONTINUED)
267. CONTINUED: (3)
Billy.
BILLY Thanks.
Kikalo raises an eyebrow as Tails' gaze darts over to her.
KIKALO Why would-
TAILS Just let him go.
BILLY You don’t deserve this bitch. She’s fucking Satan. She’s Satan!
Billy storms out.
EXT. KIKALO'S HOUSE - EVENING
Billy walks to his car. He stops and takes one last look at Kikalo’s house, then continues to walk. He gets in his car and drives off. Tails watches from the bedroom window.
INT. KIKALO'S ROOM - EVENING
Tails tends to Kikalo’s bruises and scrapes. The two sit on her bed. She has her wrinkled clothes back on.
KIKALO You know, the more I think about it, my plan kinda sucked.
TAILS It really didn’t make sense.
KIKALO “Hey, man. I’m using you to see if this boy still likes me. You’re fine with that, right?” Ow! Fuck!
TAILS Sorry, hold still.
Tails tends to her facial cuts as she winces.
TAILS (CONT'D) So...
(CONTINUED)
268. CONTINUED: (2)
KIKALO So... you’re here.
TAILS I listened to the new track.
KIKALO Oh, you did?
TAILS Well, you sent the link.
KIKALO I thought you’d care more about the first text. What did you think?
TAILS Personally? It was pretty good.
KIKALO Come on. Be honest.
TAILS Brutally honest?
Kikalo nods her head, then winces.
TAILS (CONT'D) I’d give it a six.
KIKALO Fuck me. A six?
TAILS Sorry.
KIKALO No, my neck just hurts. A six is fine. That’s above average.
TAILS What inspired it?
KIKALO A lot of shit, a lot of shit. Needless to say, the record company was not as interested in Anarchist Coffee Suites as I thought.
TAILS Shit, sorry.
(CONTINUED)
269. CONTINUED: (3)
KIKALO It's fine. Neither were we at that point. Eric had enough of our shit, Link was in rehab and needed a break from everything, but Joplin learned how to play the drums. So I channeled that anger into some raw punk.
Tails stops tending to the injuries.
TAILS Yeah, really raw. You happy with it?
KIKALO I guess. It's really just a side project for whatever the future holds. But we've gotten some attention.
TAILS I saw. 110 plays.
KIKALO My favorite comment so far is that we’re like if Wesley Willis wrote for The Sex Pistols and had sex with Mark Mothersbaugh.
TAILS So why name the band The Pudding Bandits?
Kikalo sighs.
KIKALO Is this an interview? Well, there’s this anime, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time , and in the first scene, the main character, Makoto, laments...
Kikalo stops herself. She looks into Tails’ eyes.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Am I a bad person?
The two stare at each other. Tails gives a bittersweet half- smile.
TAILS If you’re a bad person, then I’m in love with a bad person.
(CONTINUED)
270. CONTINUED: (4)
KIKALO So me lying to Billy and using him like that doesn’t bother you?
TAILS He punched you in the face!
KIKALO He was angry.
TAILS No reason to do something like that. If I were him I’d have just gotten the fuck out and never spoken to you again.
Kikalo smirks.
KIKALO And yet here you are.
Beat.
KIKALO (CONT'D) What did you say when I asked if I’m a bad person? Just now?
TAILS If you’re a bad person, then I’m in love with a bad person.
A tear runs down Kikalo’s cheek as she smiles.
KIKALO This is really happening, isn't it?
Kikalo rubs her hand over Tails' hand.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I think it is.
TAILS Oh my god.
KIKALO I mean, if you have cold feet again, I don't wanna pressure you.
TAILS No, it's not that. I don't want to hurt you.
(CONTINUED)
271. CONTINUED: (5)
KIKALO I heal fast.
TAILS But, after what you've been through, you know, I'm worried I might hurt you again.
KIKALO You mean?
TAILS Yeah.
Kikalo sighs. She touches Tails' face.
KIKALO Tails, she can't hurt me anymore.
Tails looks down.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I want to make love to you.
Tails looks up, deep into Kikalo's eyes. She giggles.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Am I always gonna be the one to make the first mo-
Tails kisses Kikalo. The two start to make out.
KIKALO (CONT'D) There’s a condom in the bedside drawer.
TAILS Let’s hope it fits.
The two make out some more. Tails moves towards the drawer. Kikalo begins to remove her shirt.
CUT TO:
BLACK.
TAILS (CONT'D) (V.O.) And that was how it all began.
CUT TO:
(CONTINUED)
272. CONTINUED: (6)
Tails and Kikalo lie underneath the covers, exhausted and filled with ecstasy. Kikalo grabs a toothpick.
KIKALO That was... great.
TAILS Thanks, I’ve had a lot of time to practice.
Kikalo laughs.
KIKALO Oh my god.
Kikalo places the toothpick in her tooth. She looks at Tails.
KIKALO (CONT'D) You came twice, didn't you?
Tails sighs.
TAILS There's just no fooling you, is there?
The two laugh.
KIKALO No, I mean, it's fine. I hear most guys cum after a minute the first time and I could tell!
TAILS I kept going though.
KIKALO You sure did.
Kikalo places the toothpick on her bedside table.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Honestly, I’m just happy you remembered to make me cum.
TAILS Really?
KIKALO Yeah, all the girls I’ve talked to about losing it; the guy never thinks about getting the girl off. But what (MORE) (CONTINUED)
273. CONTINUED: (7) KIKALO (CONT'D) can you do? It is their first time.
TAILS So I really did make you cum?
KIKALO The female orgasm exists apparently. It just takes a little over nine minutes. And a couple inches.
Tails smirks.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I love you.
They stare at each other. Tails moves over and kisses Kikalo.
TAILS I love you, too.
The two lay back in silence. They lightly giggle from time to time, but an awkward silence forms.
KIKALO You know, I actually am out of milk. The last jug went bad yesterday. Could you be a helping hand and drive me over to the Dollar Store? I just want some milk.
TAILS Sure.
Kikalo kisses Tails.
KIKALO Thank you.
Kikalo gets out of bed, completely naked.
KIKALO (CONT'D) I wrote some new songs about my summer since some other cool things happened. I thought you might like a sneak peek.
TAILS That sounds good.
Kikalo pulls up her panties. She grabs her bra and starts to strap it on. Tails thinks something over.
(CONTINUED)
274. CONTINUED: (8)
TAILS (CONT'D) Do you think we could buy some more condoms while we’re there?
Kikalo hooks back on her bra. She stops and looks at Tails.
KIKALO You mean, like, after we get back from the store, you... you wanna do it again?
Beat. Tails shrugs and nods. Kikalo smiles and gawks.
KIKALO (CONT'D) Fuck yeah.
Kikalo puts her panties back on. Tails watches with a smile.
INT. TAILS' TRUCK - EVENING
Tails closes the door of his truck. He starts the ignition and begins to drive. Kikalo lays her head on his right shoulder. He looks at her, then back to the road. He smiles.
THE END