Featuresp16 Interview Tony Benn p26 Stopping Richard the War Branson with the The Virgin grand old Megastar man of talks to the left Varsity Reviewsp30

Issue No 666 Friday Nov 16 2007 varsity.co.uk

e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Attacks at Trinity Hall » Intruders to Bishop Bateman Court ‘throttle’ one student and assault others » Room raider claimed to be a ‘foreign student’ » At least one intruder still on site when police arrive but unnoticed by

CAMILLA TEMPLE; Bishop Bateman Court (right), which was broken into by unknown intruders on Saturday night; students’ belongings, including a RICHARD GARDNER offi cial search laptop (top left) from ransacked rooms were discarded outside and on the roof of the building

Camilla Temple at around 4.35 am. drain pipe outside and my fountain and made a search of the property Chief News Editor Cheshire reported that at six pen and medical card were also ly- but no one was found.” Natalie Woolman o’clock, “A hand came through ing around in the building.” However, complaints have been An accommodation block belong- my window and was on my lap- Camilla Winfi eld said that she made about police procedure and Don’t sell your ing to Trinity Hall was broken into top. They couldn’t take the lap- awoke at around 4.30am to see a response to the accident. Fanego and students there were attacked top because it was held by the man clawing at her window and alleges that when the police came soul to in their rooms in the early hours of speaker wires. They took my trying to force it open. “It was they took no notes and were un- Saturday morning. Latin books though and left them like a scene from a horror fi lm”, interested in what he had to say. the Two students, who were asleep on a windowsill outside. The first she said. He thinks this may have been be- in rooms in Bishop Bateman Court intruder could hardly walk but David Fanego said that he heard cause he is Spanish and his Eng- corpo- on Thompson’s Lane, were at- the second one was quite agile.” the screams of his neighbour when lish is not fl uent. tacked by the intruders and one Cheshire said that his door had one of the intruders entered her Students claim that the intruder rate student’s room was ransacked. not been locked. room. He claims he then heard the must still have been on the proper- The intruders went through the Julia Tilley was in her boyfriend’s muffl ed words, “help me” and the ty at the time of the police search. giants students’ belongings and then left room when an intruder came in. sound of something being forced There are reports that he was them in a variety of locations in- “Someone walked into the room,” into her mouth. He took a knife subsequently seen at around 6am cluding the roof of the building and she said. “My boyfriend shouted from the kitchen and opened her searching in the undergrowth at p12 the garden area. ‘Who the hell are you?’ and he re- door but the intruder had escaped. the back of Bishop Bateman Court One of the victims, Tom Chesh- plied ‘I’m a foreign student’ and The victim of this attack returned and was then seen falling asleep in ire, said: “I just woke up and this then left. home on Saturday in shock. a bush. guy was throttling me. His trou- “When I got back to my room in A spokesperson for Cambridge- Cambridgeshire Constabulary Letters 10 sers were undone and he didn’t the morning, my laptop was gone shire Constabulary said: “We were said, “That’s their report. Unless have his shirt on. I was quite and my room was ransacked. I felt called at 5.50am by Julia Tilley and we’re told there are people hiding Comment 12 scared. At fi rst I thought it was violated and disturbed. They had arrived at 6.05am.We had reports in the bushes we wouldn’t search my friend who also has a shaved left a rolled-up ten pound note, of an intruder trying doors, having the bushes outside as that is not a Idler 13 head so I told him to stop it, but probably for coke, on my desk. It got in through a window. sensible use of police time.” then he whacked my girlfriend. I was really upsetting. “We were told that the inform- The police were called again in wrestled him off and then he said, “They also put all my knickers in ant had not been attacked and no the morning when they received Reviews 30 ‘Sorry, I’ve got the wrong person’ a box and then left them outside in assaults were reported. We re- and left.” This incident took place the garden. My laptop was on the corded it as a suspicious incident CONTINUED ON PAGE 2 The Anorak 37 Chief News Editors: Katherine Faulkner, Katy Lee and Camilla Temple Friday November 16 2007 2 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

In Brief Scientists discover fat Stress is good genes Controversial author and scientist Nick Lane has told Cambridge Sue Kirk students that some forms of stress may be good for health. Speaking Researchers in Cambridge Uni- at a talk organised by the Biologi- versity’s Department of Clinical cal Society on Monday, Lane sug- Biochemistry have discovered that gested that the low-level physi- genes dictate why some people put ological stresses encountered in on more weight than others. every day life can allow us to live Working in collaboration with longer, healthier lives. Exercise, Oxford University and Cancer Re- calorie-restriction and “mild tox- search UK, a group led by Professor ins” found in some foods and al- Stephen O’Rahilly has discovered a cohol could make the body better gene which exists in two forms, one adapted at reducing the normal of which is implicated in obesity. injury caused by daily metabolism. Those with one copy of this ‘fat He even speculated that “short gene’ are on average one and a half periods of psychological kilograms heavier than those with- stress” could have out, while those who have two cop- similar benefi ts. ies – approximately one in six of the Xiaoyan UK population – are three kilograms Xue heavier, with 15 per cent more body fat. This group are also more likely to have type two diabetes. The gene is responsible for produc- ing an enzyme which can act to mod- ify DNA, and may act as a switch to turn on and off other genes involved in weight control. It is located in the part of the brain responsible for ap- petite and feelings of fullness, and John’s beat application so may affect the way the brain per- record ceives hunger. The biological function of this gene St. John’s has broken the record is not yet fully understood, and the for undergraduate applications for next step in the research will be to

courses beginning in Michaelmas UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA, WILMINGTON establish its exact nature. 2008. For this cycle the college These fi ndings form part of a con- received 863 applications from stu- certed effort to establish the causes of dents across the world, making St Underwater tutorials obesity, which scientists have found John’s the most over-subscribed Dr Annelise Hagan, Visiting Scholar in Cambridge University’s Coastal Research Unit, is broadcasting hard to tie to particular genes. If the college for one admissions cycle from Aquarius, the world’s only fi xed underwater research station. Dr Hagan is living and working role of genes in obesity can be estab- ever. Natural Sciences received lished, it will have wide implications 140 applicants, which is twice the in the Aquarius, which is 60 feet below the surface of the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of the Florida for new treatments and therapies to number of the 2004 admissions Keys. She broadcasted live lessons on physical oceanography over the Internet on Wednesday. reduce the risk of weight gain. cycle. The college’s Senior Tutor, Matthias Dörrzapf, told Varsity: “The college has made a tremen- dous effort with admissions – from hosting symposiums for teachers Burglary and assault University short of and more open days, to dispatch- ing thousands of prospectuses.” He also emphasized that every appli- at Trinity Hall CompSci applications cant will be subjected to a fair ad- mission process despite the large number of applicants. CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 Vishnu Parameshwaran another report, this time of a bur- whether the college holds students Clemmie Dowley career potential is limited to ‘uni- glary and an assault. “Somebody has responsible because many did not versity research laboratories and reported that they woke up with an lock their doors, Dr Bampos said, Cambridge University is experienc- fi elds of cubicles with displays and New diabetes drug intruder near their bed and started “The College makes every effort to ing a signifi cant decline in applicants keyboards’. screaming when he put his hand ensure that all accommodation is se- for its computer science courses. Professor Peter Robinson, depu- Cambridge scientists have discov- over the victim’s mouth. He fi rst ran cure and all locks operational. It ap- Applications to study the sub- ty head of Cambridge’s Computer ered that a previously-developed into the toilet and then escaped out pears that some students leave their ject at Cambridge have been Laboratory, has pointed out that drug has the potential to treat type of the room.” doors unlocked overnight. The Col- steadily reducing since 2000. Last ‘starting salaries for computer sci- II diabetes. Researchers led by Police did not arrive till Satur- lege emphasises the need to secure year, 70 were accepted out of 210 entists are among the highest for Ligang Zhou found that the appe- day afternoon and in response to rooms at all times.” applications, a signifi cant decrease any graduates’, whilst multination- tite-suppressing drug mCPP im- accusations that they were slow to Dr Bampos added “The security on the fi gures for 2000, when 500 al technology companies, forced to proves blood sugar levels in obese return, Cambridgeshire Constabu- and safety or our students is of the applications were made and 100 recruit graduates in maths, engi- and diabetic mice and hence could lary said, “We have a fi nite amount highest priority. The College has a accepted. neering and natural sciences, are be used as a new treatment for dia- of resources. duty to protect its students by pro- This Thursday the Cambridge taking the shortage of properly betes. Lora Heisler, a member of “This incident was not an ongoing viding secure accommodation and Computer Laboratories will hold trained graduates seriously. the research group based at Adden- burglary. Grade ‘A’ incidents, such informing all students of the impor- their recruitment fair in which 55 Microsoft Research is currently brooke’s Hospital, said, “Though as ongoing violent crimes, must take tance of adhering to our security pro- leading companies, each looking sponsoring an outreach event tak- just a fi rst step, this work provides priority. However, it will be fully in- tocols, all of which are assessed and to hire several graduates, will be ing place in the Cambridge Com- a new direction in the search for vestigated.” updated on a regular basis. competing to recruit just 70 grad- puter Laboratory for local sixth novel pathways and molecules in One Trinity Hall undergraduate “The events early on Saturday uating students. forms in December and Google the brain to target for the treat- commented that this incident has morning highlighted what can hap- The Engineering and Physical recently sent a team of people ment of type II diabetes.” made the student body feel unsafe. pen if windows or doors are not Sciences Research Council’s In- into the Laboratory offering inter- Angela Fanshawe “I was told that in Bishop Bateman locked. Cambridge may not be the ternational Review of ICT calls views and summer internships to Court, someone can ring on the bell, safe place people would like it to be, this lack of interest in computer any students who were interested. and anyone can buzz them in. which is why all members of the Col- science ‘alarming’. They blame the “We’re all really shocked - we didn’t lege must be cautious when in Col- dropping numbers of applications expect this to happen. The police lege accommodation or simply walk- on the bursting of the dotcom bub- weren’t very good. People were get- ing through the town.” ble after the internet craze of the ting really annoyed that they were JCR President Rob Chapman nineties, and on the outsourcing of being stopped for going the wrong commented, “Our JCR is under- graduate jobs to lower cost coun- 52 Trumpington Street Cambridge CB2 1RG way on their bikes outside Sains- standably upset by the break in. tries such as India and China. bury’s but the police didn’t come for Cambridge is on the whole a safe The Review reports that ‘many FREE CHELSEA BUN ages on Saturday.” place and many of us get too com- people do not fi nd the career de- With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop Senior Tutor of Trinity Hall, Dr fortable in that and do not necessar- scribed suffi ciently attractive’, a OR Nick Bampos, commented “It is not ily protect ourselves properly.” view shared by Professor David clear how the intruders got into Col- “The Senior Tutor and Head Por- Patterson, Professor of Computer FREE MORNING lege accommodation as there was no ter were in college all weekend as- Science at the University of Cali- COFFEE/TEA evidence of forced entry. The College sisting the police with their enquir- fornia at Berkeley. He attributes (9am-12pm) With any cake or pastry in the restaurant Porters spent most of Saturday look- ies and supporting our students. the falling number of applicants ing at the site for obvious security College seems to have settled back worldwide to ‘the current nega- on presentation of this voucher weak-spots, but it may be that entry down well this week. The JCR will tive view of the computer science and proof of student status was via an open window or door.” offer every support possible to help profession by pre-college stu- In response to questions about them recover.” dents’, and the assumption that CompScis hard at work CHRIS NORTHEAST Friday November 16 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 3

Peterhouse students boycott bar and hall » Ball protests continue as Petreans blame poor exam results on insuffi cient college support

there won’t be a May Ball this Katherine Faulkner year or at all.” Chief News Editor The JCR is also instigating a review of teaching at the college Peterhouse students are boycott- after students claimed that the ing their hall and bar this week in poor exam performance which the latest of a string of protests prompted the Ball’s cancellation against the college’s cancellation was a result of a lack of effort and of their May Ball. support on the part of teaching “There are a few people going staff. Students were told by fel- to hall, but not many,” said one lows, through the JCR President member of the college. “The ca- Ben Fisher, that the ball had been tering staff seem pretty peeved cancelled due to wear and tear of and it should be hitting the bursar college fabric, disruption of the fi nancially.” daily operation of college, “costs The decision to boycott hall was both visible and hidden” and, fi- taken after a number of measures nally, the effect on the academic were suggested in a JCR open results of the committee. How- meeting last Thursday, including ever, many remain unconvinced, students turning their backs to claiming that the Ball was can- fellows in hall and giving the fel- celled primarily as a punishment lows an ultimatum of one week to for poor exam results, and that reconsider the cancellation. this is unfair. “They said in a letter sent out over the summer that in their opinion the college’s poor academ- “Relationships ic performance was due to student inactivity,” explained one. “They between the fellows have put the fear of god into the and the student body freshers. At their matriculation dinner a fellow told them in his couldn’t be worse” speech that if they got a 2.ii they would have failed their families. None of them bought tickets for the RAG pyjama pub crawl ear- “Boycotting hall is more to do lier this term because they’d all with the problem of the fellows been told to work.” not listening to us,” said a former Another student claims that member of the Peterhouse May a fellow who was at the meet- Ball committee. “They just refuse ing resulting in the cancellation to accept there’s a problem or to told him that, during the discus- talk to us about it or defend them- sion of the May Ball issue, it was selves. The truth is the fellows commented that “if we could just have never liked the May Ball and exclude people who got thirds, it have made efforts in the past to would be OK”. sideline it or set unfeasible tar- Katherine Sirell, who attended gets for tickets sales.” Thursday’s JCR open meeting, The student says he is pessimis- said that students at the meet- tic about the prospect of actually ing asked for “more academic reinstating the ball and even fears guidance such as mock exams that a ball in 2009 may be impos- and more structured supervision Peterhouse hall has been virtually deserted since the boycott RICHARD GARDNER sible. “They’ve said we can have times. The lack of student morale one next year, but they know it’s was pointed out as well as the dent feedback. great things to say about their tu- trust them.” Ironically, she says, unfeasible,” he said. “We’ve bro- lack of communication and sup- “Students don’t feel support- tors and Directors of Studies.” the cancellation of the Ball to im- ken the biennial rhythm now and port from the fellows.” ed by their Directors of Stud- The student revealed that the prove results is likely to have the our agreements with Magdalene. It was pointed out that “if the ies,” said one finalist. “A friend growing animosity between fel- opposite effect. Anyone who’s ever planned a May college are taking such extreme of mine who graduated last year lows and students was creating “a “It can’t be good for academic ball before will have left. We rely steps affecting students in striv- was struggling before his finals really nasty atmosphere” at the achievement when morale is so a lot on the old boys and girls giv- ing to improve results, they and asked his Director of Studies college. She said: “The Fellows low. There’s a general apathy to ing us money, but the college are should also re-examine the state if they could meet weekly to make have closed ranks completely and work and a lot of bad feeling, and withholding their names and ad- of teaching and pastoral support.” sure his revision was on track. She it feels like they’re scheming and I don’t think this is going to die dresses – information they give The review of teaching at Peter- completely refused. That’s not re- working against us. Relationships down quickly or quietly.” out freely for anything else. My house will aim to address these ally that uncommon - people at between them and the student Peterhouse college authorities opinion is, there’s a good chance concerns and collect detailed stu- Peterhouse generally don’t have body couldn’t be worse; we don’t are still refusing to comment. Soap star Sky to switch on festive lights

Katherine Faulkner all ages and families with young only be allowed to attend if restric- Ents Manager Ed Foster has children.” After switching on the tions concerning Bluetongue a live- called Kennedy “one of Neigh- Chief News Editor Christmas lights, the 23-year-old stock disease, are lifted in time. bours’ greatest ever characters” half sister of Jason Donovan will “This year we will be cutting and has said that his visit should Neighbours star Stephanie McIn- be performing her single, Tight- the time the lights are on by an be a “massive night.” Students tosh, who until a few weeks ago rope, which was released in the are advised to arrive early how- played Sky Mangel in the tel- UK in August of this year. ever, as Q jump ran out in just evision show, will be switching on The lights will be switched on on four hours. Cambridge’s Christmas lights this Sunday 18 November at 5pm after “the twenty three Stephanie McIntosh and Alan year as well as performing her new an afternoon of dance, drama and year old half-sister Fletcher have taken starring single in Market Square. music in the city centre. McIntosh roles while acting in Neighbours, The visit, announced this week will be performing at 7pm. of Jason Donovan the popular Australian TV show. by Cambridge City Council , will The Cambridge City Council Sky, played by Stephanie McIn- be the fi rst of two by Neighbours will be hoping for a more posi- will be performing tosh, was unsure of the paternity stars this month. Alan Fletcher, tive reaction to their choice of of her daughter Kerry, who was who has played Dr Karl Kennedy artist than they received in 2004, her single ” suffering from Leukaemia, while in the soap since 1994, will be join- when a visit from punk band “The she also lost her soul mate, Sting- ing the Sunday Service at Club 22 Damned” provoked anger amongst ray, to a “brain aneurism which on November 25. the city’s Christians. hour and they will now go out at haemorrhaged”. “Stephanie is very talented, They have announced that the 10pm except in Christ’s Pieces, Karl, played by Alan Fletcher, and has a new record out,” said celebrations will also feature Santa New Square and Hobson’s Pas- is famed for his affairs with re- Emma Thornton, Head of Tour- riding an environmentally friendly sageway,” added Thornton. ceptionist Sarah and later Isobel ism and City Centre Management. “green wheels” and a snow queen Talking of Karl Kennedy’s im- Hoyland, during his decade-long “We thought she would appeal to on stilts. However, reindeer will pending visit to Club 22, CUSU marriage to Susan. Sky: pure talent Chief News Editors: Katherine Faulkner, Katy Lee and Camilla Temple Friday November 16 2007 4 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news News Investigation

CHARLOTTE TYSON Wired awake It’s no great secret that Cambridge students are pushed for time. Each of us has a huge academic workload, and when we’ve dealt with that we’d like to squeeze in something resembling a social life every week. The solution for many is simply to sleep less. Lots of us are reliant on energy drinks and caffeine tablets, but a growing number are turning to ‘brain-boosting’ drugs to stay alert. Katy Lee considers the effects these substances might be having on our mental and physical health, and the ethical implications of using what are effectively performance enhancing drugs for academia

A Varsity investigation has found stages of her revision last year. “It Red Bull or Pro Plus. If I took a lot, that some Cambridge students are was at the stage of my revision and drank coffee as well, I’d get a using prescription-only drugs in where I wasn’t really motivated, bit shaky. But I didn’t have any ma- Smart drugs: Ritalin, Modafi nil and Adderall the hope that it will enable them to so I needed something to make me jor side effects.” work more effi ciently, while stimu- focus. By the time it got to exams I The majority of student users lant use in the form of caffeine pills was scared enough to work already. appear to be consuming these sub- and energy drinks is widespread. If you’re busy and going short on stances in moderation, but half of ritalin Two Cambridge professors have sleep, it’s really much easier to fo- those who have tried Pro Plus or ◆ Methylphenidate (Ritalin) is a stimulant usually prescribed also claimed to have been offered cus when you’ve got something like a different caffeine tablet admitted to patients with Attention Defi cit Disorder (ADD) or Atten- the “brain-boosting” drug Ritalin they had exceeded the recommend- tion Defi cit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). It has a calming by colleagues during international ed dose at some point. effect on individuals with ADD or ADHD, reducing impulsive conferences. Few students seemed concerned behaviour and improving ability to focus on tasks. In a Varsity survey, many students about the possible side effects of ex- ◆ Unprescribed Ritalin is classifi ed as a Class B drug in the UK. said they occasionally used caffeine cessive consumption of caffeine sup- Possession can earn you up to fi ve years in prison and an pills such as Pro Plus or beverages plements and caffeine-based energy unlimited fi ne. marketed as “energy drinks”, which drinks. “The problem with caffeine ◆ Common side effects of Ritalin include insomnia, nervous- combine caffeine with other ingre- is that the effects can vary, so it is ness, headache, decreased appetite, abdominal pain and dients such as extracts from the diffi cult to say what is a safe level. cardiovascular effects such as tachycardia or palpitations. 38% ◆ high-caffeine guarana plant, taurine High levels of caffeine can be dan- The long term effects of use of this drug by healthy people, and other chemicals. Cambridge students gerous for people with high blood who do not suffer from the disorders it is designed to treat, 92 per cent had tried Red Bull, pressure or anxiety disorders,” said are as yet unknown. The same is true for modafi nil and Relentless, or another brand of en- who buy energy drinks Lyndel Costain, a dietician. While Adderall. ergy drink and 38 per cent said they some people experience no side ef- bought such a drink two or more twice a week or more fects from caffeine supplements, modafi nil times a week. This fi gure increases others suffer insomnia, nervousness ◆ Modafi nil is a stimulant most commonly prescribed to people to 48 per cent in exam term, and and headaches. with narcolepsy, a neurological condition resulting in the 46 per cent of second or third year There have been frequent allega- sufferer experiencing disturbed nocturnal sleep and falling students had used Pro Plus or a dif- tions of health risks associated with asleep at any random time. ferent caffeine tablet during exam certain brands of energy drink. ◆ It is not listed in the Misuse of Drugs Act, and is therefore term. France banned Red Bull in 2000 af- available by prescription without legal restrictions. “I drank a lot of Relentless during ter an 18 year old Irish athlete, Ross ◆ Common side effects include headaches, nausea and anxiety. exam term last year,” said Laura Cooney, died after playing a basket- The drug has been linked in rare cases to anorexia. Cremer, a second year MML stu- ball game soon after consuming four dent from Selwyn. “It was really 46% cans of the drink. Britain investi- adderall useful for working into the night. gated the drink, but has only issued ◆ Adderall is a stimulant consisting of mixed amphetamine We’d have a can of Relentless at Students who use a warning against its consumption salts. It is used primarily to treat ADD/ADHD and narcolepsy. about seven thirty and take a half by pregnant women. ◆ It has the same legal status in the UK as Ritalin. an hour break to drink it. Then we’d caffeine pills during Some research also suggests that ◆ It has been used “off label” for weight loss as well as among work without any problems until people who regularly consume en- students hoping to improve concentration. maybe two in the morning.” exam term ergy drinks are more likely to de- ◆ Side effects in adults include headaches, loss of appetite and Another Selwyn student said tak- velop diabetes mellitus. “There is diffi culty in falling asleep. ing caffeine tablets had improved plenty of research on the effects of her concentration during the early caffeine, but it’s impossible to re- Friday November 16 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 5

ally know the effects of caffeine pills buy it on the internet.” such as Pro Plus because they put Barbara Sohakian, Professor of THE PRO PLUS POPPER other ingredients with them,” said Neuropsychology at Cambridge, Trevor Robbins, Professor of Cog- claimed that use of such drugs is First year Physical NatSci nitive Neuroscience at Cambridge also becoming more widespread in University. “The same goes for en- academic circles. “I have been of- I started using Pro Plus regularly at the beginning of this ergy drinks.” fered modafi nil on several occasions term. I’m taking about six a day at the moment, which Varsity also spoke to one student 38% when I’ve been at conferences, is way more than anyone else I know – I certainly don’t who claimed to have worked after without asking for it,” she said. Pro- consider myself a typical Cambridge case, but I have a lot taking the recreational Class A drug of students would buy fessor Robbins stated that he has of friends who use it quite a lot. ecstasy. “I’d been out, but I had an had similar experiences. The problem with studying Natural Sciences at Cambridge is that essay due in the next morning and I Ritalin if it were sold A report published by the British you have to be alert 24/7. You’ve got lectures, practicals and lab su- knew I had to get it done whether Medical Association last week has pervisions all day – 31 hours of contact time in total. And when you I was high or not,” he said. “I sat in pharmacies called for public discussion on eth- “get home in the evening you’ve got to carry on working. The work- down to do it at about 2am, and I’d ics of brain boosting drugs. There load is a massive increase on what I was used to at school. done it within 45 minutes – it would is something startling and poten- I’m used to going out a lot and I was totally not willing to sacrifi ce usually take me at least three hours had used Ritalin, a drug prescribed tially worrying about interventions my social life when I came to Cambridge, so I just decided to sleep to churn out that kind of work. I just to patients with Attention Defi cit designed to alter the healthy brain less and take something to help me feel more awake. Ultimately it’s worked like a machine. I was com- Disorder or Attention Defi cit Hy- which controls such facets of per- a lifestyle decision – I could quite easily devote the hours I spend on pletely focused – I had this massive peractivity Disorder. Of these 15.5 sonality, individuality and our sense going out to sleeping, but I can’t really see any alternative if I’m not drive to work and felt no desire to per cent reported using it at least of self,” it argued. The authors also prepared to do that. procrastinate. I don’t think I’d ever two or three times a week. Modafi n- emphasized that the long-term ef- I’m not really concerned about whether or not I’m going over the take it specifi cally to work, but if I il, a narcolepsy drug, and Adderall, fects of taking such drugs are as recommended dose. If I’m feeling sleepy and I’ve got more than one wanted to go out and take ecstasy used to treat both narcolepsy and yet unknown, and warned that “the supervision that day, I’ll take a few in the morning. I’ll also drink and hadn’t fi nished my work yet, I ADHD, are also popular among effects of taking such drugs over a three or four cups of coffee every day, and I occasionally used pow- wouldn’t worry.” healthy American students at- long period of time, particularly the dered guarana extract – it’s a natural source of caffeine that you can Students are becoming increas- tempting to improve alertness and effect on the developing brain, are buy from health food shops. ingly aware of trends among Amer- concentration. still being assessed”. I’m getting about six hours of ican university students to use “Our research has confi rmed that Cambridge University has con- sleep each night at the moment. prescription-only drugs, designed Ritalin and modafi nil drugs can im- demned the use of such drugs by If I wasn’t so competitive things to treat mental or neurological dis- prove cognition amongst healthy students. “The University does not would be a bit easier, but I like orders, to increase productivity individuals,” said Professor Rob- approve of any non-medicinal drug being able to contribute in super- levels. A study by the University bins. Studies by Robbins and his taking,” said Rob Wallach, Secre- visions and you need to be really of New Hampshire last year found colleagues in 1997 found Ritalin had tary to the Senior Tutors’ commit- alert because the course requires 16.2 per cent of American students signifi cant effects on healthy volun- tee. “Colleges would discourage this constant active thought. teers’ spatial memory and ability to for any students who felt it neces- A lot of the time I feel pretty plan. “It is very good for improv- sary to take performance enhanc- frazzled – too tired to sleep but THE SU DOKU STIMULANT ing selective attention – in other ing stimulants to help with their not awake enough to work – but words, improving concentration – studies and/or examinations, and for the fi rst few hours after I’ve CHALLENGE especially in the sleep deprived,” would wish to support them in other taken a large caffeine dose I feel said Robbins. But it did not have ways.” alert and able to work well. I don’t an impact on verbal fl uency, sug- Professor Robbins, however, has think I could get by without extra gesting students taking the drug in argued that there is no intrinsic caffeine at the moment. I’ll catch the hope that it will improve their ethical difference between taking up on sleep once term’s fi nished. essays might not see a marked im- drugs such as Ritalin or Adderall, I’m just doing my best provement in their work. and drinking coffee or an energy to stay on top of things In a different study, researchers drink to stay alert. “It’s a hard while I’m still here. found volunteers who took modafi n- line to draw ethically,” he told Var- il performed better than those who sity. “If people were to use them in took a placebo in tasks that tested an exam, that would obviously be memory of numerical sequences wrong. But it’s hard to see why we THE RITALIN DABBLER and visual patterns. Participants also said they felt more alert and at- Music graduate ” tentive. “Volunteers that took mo- dafi nil also worked with greater ac- “I was completely I have tried Ritalin a couple of times. I heard about people Ben Grainger is a second year curacy, because the drug slowed the using it in America, and I was given some by an American mathematics student at St time before initial response. This focused - I had this friend who was going to throw them away. Each time I tried John’s. Ben is fi nding that his reduction in impulsiveness meant massive drive to Ritalin it was for composing through the night for a deadline challenging academic work and people had more time to consider the next morning. busy social life as a Cambridge their response,” said Robbins. work” I tried it because I was having problems sitting down and doing the mathmo are cutting into the Of the eight students we spoke to work, often getting easily distracted before important deadlines. I needed time available for sleep. In a who have experimented with these something“ to help me concentrate. I only had one or two pills each time, completely unscientifi c test, drugs, the majority were American not knowing much about recommended dosage. The fi rst time I did no- Varsity tried to discern which of students on exchange programmes. shouldn’t be taking them in general tice a benefi cial effect, and wrote a substantial amount. I was able to con- a variety of stimulants available One exchange student, who admit- situations. I don’t believe there’s a centrate a little better, moving more quickly on to the next bar of music, from high street shops was ted to using Adderall three or four strong line between taking Ritalin rather than focusing on the previous, tinkering with it, wondering how it most effective in approving times when studying, said he knew or modafi nil and drinking coffee.” could be improved and refl ecting upon the piece as a whole. his concentration and speed at many fellow students who used the He went on to suggest that Brit- Whether or not this altered process refl ected a more effi cient style of solving problems. drug almost daily. “Basically what ain should prepare for the use of working, or merely impeded my own critical faculties, producing more it did was make me focus really in- “cognitive enhancers” to become work of a lower quality, I cannot say. The music I wrote was not particu- DAY 1: THE CONTROL tently on whatever I was doing,” much more widespread, particu- larly good or bad, but it was adequate for the next day’s supervision. We sat Ben, who had not taken any he said. “When I was studying for larly as restricting access to these The second time I tried it, a few months later, I noticed no positive effect stimulants, in a quiet room and an exam, I was recopying all of my drugs would be diffi cult. at all. I was more tired that night anyway, and didn’t stick with it for long set him the task of completing a notes and was able to sit and do “It’s hard to legislate against, - I ended up going to bed not having done much. This second experience “medium diffi culty” su doku puzzle this for nine hours straight without except in a competitive situation made me re-assess the fi rst; perhaps it hadn’t had that much effect after in the shortest time possible. thinking about it.” where there would be inequalities all. I was the kind of student who worked in short, concentrated bursts Completion time: 17 min 57 sec The student suggested use of the of access – in exam situations, for followed by long periods of inactivity anyway, so staying up all night to drug is more widespread at Ameri- example. This is currently being produce two weeks’ work, as I had done the fi rst time, was not that out of DAY 2: RED BULL can universities because ADHD considered by a report by the Acad- the ordinary. Ben consumed one can of Red Bull is diagnosed more frequently in emy of Medical Sciences, on which I It is certainly possible that the benefi cial effect I noticed and, after half an hour, completed the USA. “Since more kids are di- serve.” The report will be published was more placebo than anything else. Anyway, having used up another “medium” su doku. agnosed, more people have access in February 2008. what I had, I decided not to get any more, and trusted in the Completion time: 16 min 27 sec to their prescriptions. Everyone I One student has suggested such old staples of coffee and cigarettes during exam term. know knows someone with a pre- drugs were unlikely to ever be used DAY 3: GUARANA scription and gets it off of them, or by more than a small minority of We stirred one teaspoon of guarana even goes into the university medi- Cambridge students. “There’s this powder into Ben’s orange juice. cal centre to “test for ADD” to get whole culture of respect in Cam- After half an hour, he completed themselves a prescription. It is real bridge for people who are natu- ” another “medium” su doku. easy to get a hold of, so that makes rally gifted,” he said. “I think most Completion time: 14 min 10 sec it prevalent.” students here would feel a bit like But the drug does not seem to im- they’re cheating themselves if they DAY 4: PRO PLUS prove concentration in all cases. One took Ritalin or Modafi nil. It would Ben swallowed two Pro Plus pills student from Clare College, who ob- be a sign that they can’t get by and after half an hour he started tained Ritalin through a friend with on natural talent like the rest of the puzzle. ADHD, told Varsity: “I noticed no them.” Completion time: 17 mins 29 sec effect at all. I took it because my But Varsity’s poll found that al- friend guaranteed that it would though only six per cent of Cam- Ben said: “I will be sticking to coffee make me really focused, but I felt bridge students had contemplated after these fairly unilluminating just as unmotivated as ever.” She buying Ritalin, Adderall or a similar results. However, I would like to added, “Most people I know who’ve “cognitive enhancer” on the inter- thank Varsity for introducing me tried it have got it through someone net, 38 per cent said they would buy to the joy of su doku.” with ADHD or an American friend. them if they became freely available It’s very easy to get scammed if you for sale in the UK. Chief News Editors: Katherine Faulkner, Katy Lee and Camilla Temple Friday November 16 2007 6 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news Lion Yard at risk of collapse » Shopping centre’s supporting wall ‘cracked’ and not secured to foundations

Emma Inkester Square, where Soul Tree Night- Senior News Reporter club is located, and also faces one side of the Corn Exchange. Urgent safety checks are taking Students shopping in the vicinity place at the Cambridge Lion Yard were shocked by the revelations. this week after engineers discov- “It’s unbelievable that no one no- ered that one of the shopping cen- ticed this earlier,” said one. “I go tre’s largest walls is at risk of col- to Soul Tree all the time.” lapse. Thwaites explained the situa- The danger will delay the 15 tion: “The present building has an month long refurbishment of the open patio-style area on the third new central library by six months, fl oor, and part of the design of the and leave Cambridgeshire County new scheme involves covering this Council with a bill of £1 million. with a roof, to increase the fl oor Council spokesman Glenn space of the library. It was discov- Thwaites talked about the threat ered that the wall, which is three posed by the wall. “It is cracked in storeys high, and four in some places, and the worst-case scenario places, is not tied in to the concrete is that it could have collapsed - al- structure of the building with steel though we believe that probably ties, as it should be.” would not have happened. Need- Of the imminent refurbishment less to say the safety of the public of the central library Thwaites is our main concern.” said: “It now looks like it will be The fault was noticed by engi- next summer when the new library neers surveying the centre’s old will open, rather than next spring, library building. They noticed that as we had originally planned.” the 200-foot wall was not appropri- Managers are attempting to re- ately fi xed to the main building. assure the public that the wall has There were also cracks in the been shored up and that it is still brickwork and a nearby fi re escape safe to shop in Lions Yard. Checks staircase was almost detached are being carried out on the rest of from the wall. the shopping centre to ensure that The wall faces onto Fisher the problem is not widespread. One wall is said to be ‘not appropriately fi xed’ to the building MARIANNA XENOPHONTOS

This man is Friedrich Caius scholars banned Nietzsche. He believed from their own feast that one should Angela Fanshawe one student told Varsity. He added, “I think it’s symptomatic of certain aspire to become der Scholars at Gonville and Caius Col- college administrators’ complete lege were angered this week when disregard for students.” On the it emerged that they would not be matter of the Perse Feast, though, receiving invitations to the col- the college has been apologetic. Übermensch lege’s annual Perse Feast. Caius’ Domestic Bursar, Ian Herd, The feast, which is held just has sent a letter dated 13 Novem- after the end of Michaelmas term, ber to all those involved stating Brightest is usually attended by third and that he is “sorry” that “communi- fourth-year undergraduates who cation over the Perse Feast has Strongest have achieved a fi rst in their end- been defective. We realise now of-year examinations. But a rise in that it would have been more effi - Fastest the number of fellows and scholars cient to avoid any misunderstand- has forced the college to exclude ing by letting all scholars know Loudest of the new arrangements sooner, and we apologise for this. I am Weirdest glad that we have been able to put Prettiest “The college, as the picture straight with almost a month to go before the date of the Biggest usual, neither Feast.” Sir Christopher Hum, Master Fittest consulted nor of Caius, told Varsity that he was informed us” sorry for the confusion caused, Nicest but said that he was “glad” that the Drosier Feast, which had Funniest been discontinued for “reasons Cleverest third-years from the celebrations. of economy” some years ago, was Instead, they will be invited to a to be reinstated. He added, “This Worst second feast, the Drosier Feast, gives us the chance also to invite held in Lent term. a slightly larger number of col- Best. One fi nalist said, “It genuinely lege guests (people prominent in upsets me. I was really looking the University and in public life), the forward to it.” Another affected thereby showing a more friendly undergraduate said that he had face to the outside world.” chosen not to travel by coach to This latest controversy comes this year’s Varsity ski trip because amidst a general rise in student it departed on December 7, the dissatisfaction with the college’s same day he anticipated attend- administration this term. Caius is ing the Feast. He explained that the only college in Cambridge in he would now “miss a whole day of which undergraduates are forced the trip” for no reason. to buy a fi xed number of “dinner The decision to change the col- tickets” for evening hall, a long- lege’s policy was taken by the Feast standing bone of contention. Dis- Management Committee on June content has also been infl amed this Nominate your friends. 20 2007, but students were only term by kitchens having frequently informed this week, a delay which run out of food and by the removal Nominate your enemies. has provoked criticism of college. of hobs from kitchens. In addition, “The thing that is pissing me off there have been reports of college Nominate yourself. isn’t the specifi cs about the feast, offi cials entering sleeping stu- it’s the fact that college, as usual, dents’ bedrooms without their per- [email protected] neither consulted nor informed us mission to take down posters stuck 10 0 of this decision when it was taken,” up with banned Blu-Tac. Friday November 16 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 7

Student debt to be sold to private sector Alex Clymo But the National Union of Stu- and conditions, including interest tion to third parties. Tumelty dents has expressed concern that rates, but this provides no guar- has said that “the NUS takes The government has announced once the debt has been passed over antee that rates will remain low. information security extremely plans to sell student debt to the pri- to the private sector the govern- Many university Vice-Chancellors seriously. If the government pro- vate sector, provoking fear that it ment may abandon the low interest think that top-up fees will have to posals allowed data to be shared may abandon the low interest rates rate that applies to these loans. At at least double after the funding with credit reference agencies, currently paid by students on main- present, students only pay enough system for higher education is re- we would oppose them.” tenance and tuition fee loans. interest to cover infl ation. viewed in 2009. Tumelty also raised questions The sale of the debt, which is NUS President Gemma Tumelty Since loans are subsidised by the about what the government plans Homerton currently worth approximately said, “The fact that the government government, it is possible that fee to do with the money raised from £18.1 billion, is expected to raise is yet again selling off the student increases could lead to an interest the sale. “Since the £6 billion has These boots were made around £6 billion. loan book raises questions about rate hike as it is unlikely that the been raised from students via their According to the government, the long-term sustainability of a government would be able to fully loan debts, it should be ploughed for weeing “the transactions will represent funding system that encourages subsidise these increased loans. back directly into higher educa- A brunette singleton, dressed to kill good value for money, including a long-term debt.” There are also fears that the tion rather than being absorbed outside Cindies this week in brand genuine risk transfer to the capi- The government has insisted that sale of the loans will require the into other education commitments, new ankle boots, was thrilled to no- tal markets”. it will keep control of all loan terms disclosure of personal informa- laudable as those might be.” tice the Casanova she had drooled over in lectures approaching with a suggestive smile. As they chatted, however, the minx realised that her bladder capacity had peaked and she was in serious need of release. The queue stretching mercilessly ahead, our heroine, refusing to abandon sexual prospects for any mere bod- ily fl uid, took the painful but neces- sary step of trickling her urine into her new £80 Offi ce boots. Her de- cision paid off, and the two enjoyed mutual pleasure in Senate House Passage. And the boots? They have since been deposited at a local leath- er specialist for a clean. Spies hopes that the good people at Timpson’s wear gloves to work...

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Application deadline BESTWORKPLACES 19th November 2007 UK Please apply online at www.joinbainlondon.com 2006 Friday November 16 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 9 NUS announce ‘historic’ reforms » CUSU back plans to speedtrack changes by an extraordinary conference of student unions Katherine Faulkner “secretive and undemocratic”. He way in which the NUS is current- says: “For years, the right wing of ly functioning is unsustainable. Chief News Editor the NUS has been trying to cut de- “For the past ten years there have mocracy. This latest trick is merely a been annual defi cits of between CUSU are backing proposals to continuation of the NUS executive’s £250,000 and £1 million,” he says. revolutionise the National Un- long-standing hostility to democra- “That’s no way to run an organisa- ion of Students, despite claims by cy in our union.” Maltby argues that tion. Despite the best will of NUS some student groups that the pro- the conference will be “unrepre- offi cers the style of governance posals are an attempt to “cut out sentative and massively expensive” has created recurrent political and democracy”. and asks, “Why can’t the matter be fi nancial crises.” If ratifi ed, the reforms, which the put to Annual Conference, where all It is hoped that the proposal, NUS have called “the most signifi - though cost-neutral, will make the cant set of changes in the history of union more effective and install the the organisation”, will restructure requisite skills and experience to the organisation’s policy making “This latest prevent further fi nancial misman- procedures and create a board of agement. Streeting also hopes the trustees comprised of both students trick is merely a restructuring of policy areas will and legal and fi nancial “experts”. continuation of the end what he believes to be the dom- These experts will “share NUS val- inance of “over-represented far left ues” oversee its activities. NUS executive’s long voices”. He is vocal in his criticism of CUSU has put itself forward as this “rag-bag” of dissidents, who he one of the 25 NUS-affi liated student standing hostility to says “are the only people who ben- unions needed nationally to call an democracy” efi t from the current system, which “extraordinary conference” deal- is undemocratic and has allowed ing with these reforms, after Mark them to entrench themselves onto a Fletcher expressed his support. national executive committee. “We’re happy to see that the representatives will be elected, not “What they really mean by de- NUS is moving in the right direc- just last-minute appointees?” mocracy is that they want control. tion,” said Pete Coulthard, CUSU Defending the proposals, NUS It’s a total disgrace that these peo- academic affairs offi cer. “These vice president for Education Wes ple as a political minority think they proposals aren’t perfect but they Streeting said: “I enthusiastically can dictate NUS policy. They have will hopefully make the NUS more support these reforms. Far from fi elded far-left candidates in every effective.” happening too fast, I’d say they’re presidential election and year on However, Ed Maltby of the Edu- long overdue. We’ve got demo- year they have been rejected by cation Not For Sale group’s Cam- cratic structures that are totally students. People should be under no bridge branch has called the decision outdated.” illusions: these are individuals with to hold an extraordinary conference Wes Streeting argues that the vested interests.” Coulthard supports the new reforms DYLAN SPENCER-DAVIDSON University replace diversity offi cer with consultants

offi cers and the diversity depart- Emma inkester ment which has helped to build Senior Reporter relationships and support under- graduate students. Cambridge University’s Equal- Elly Shepherd, CUSU Women’s ity and Diversity department has Offi cer, desribed her work as “a made the decision not to continue massive step forward for the uni- the University’s Head of Equality versity in equality and diversity”. and Diversity’s six month contract. Andrew Walko, CUSU Welfare The position may be left vacant Offi cer, expressed worries concern- for three to six months, and a top ing the future of diversity within consultancy fi rm has been asked to Cambridge University. do the job in the interim. “Victoria has done a lot in getting Discover Victoria Showunmi has not been things started within the university asked by the University to renew in terms of Equality and Diversity”, her contract when it expires on 23 she said. “However her legacy will November, and has been informed be short-lived if, as the rumours go- that it would be too expensive to UBS Intern Opportunities continue to employ her while a re- placement is found. Showunmi has “Elements within UBS is one of the world’s leading financial firms. Among the foremost global wealth managers, been asked to step down immedi- we are also a top-tier investment bank, one of the largest global institutional asset managers and a leading ately. Her place will be fi lled by spe- the University are cialist consultants Schneider Ross. bank for Swiss corporate and individual clients. An anonymous source told Var- pushing Victoria sity: “What’s happened seems to We offer summer internship opportunities in Equities, Finance, Fixed Income & Money Markets, Currencies suggest that elements within the Showunmi out of the and Commodities, Global Asset Management, Human Resources, Information Technology, university are pushing Victoria back door” Investment Banking Department, Chief Operating Office, Legal and Compliance, Operations, Showunmi out of the back door - Risk and Wealth Management. perhaps because of her high level of activity on equality and diversity. Applications are accepted from all degree disciplines. Your personality and intellect are more important “It is very worrying that such a ing about claim, a team of consult- highly ranked member and success- ants take over this role. than your academic discipline. We look for initiative, an open mind and client focus. ful member of staff is being treated “In particular I think that the in this way.” work going on in terms of the Dis- Summer Intern Application Deadline: 27 January 2008 However, a University spokes- ability Equality Scheme will be put person told Varsity that while to the bottom of a pile, which I am It starts with you: www.ubs.com/graduates Shownunmi’s contribution to Equal- worried will completely undermine ity and Diversity initiatives has the experience of students with dis- been important, “It was always the abilities within the university.” intention to proceed to a permanent Junior Juma Penge spoke of his arrangement to further develop disappointment as Head of Black provision and service in this impor- Students’ Campaign. He told Var- tant area”. sity that he is “distraught” at the Showunmi has spent the last prospect of Showunmi’s departure. six months identifying various ini- “I think the university needs to tiatives to further equality in Cam- take action, and get someone else bridge, and has been praised for ASAP. I understand that she plays her developments. CUSU sabbati- an important role, and that her po- cal offi cers told Varsity that a link sition supports our campaigns. We has now been made between the are not impressed.” © UBS 2007. All rights reserved. Something to say? Friday November 16 2007 10 EDITORIAL&LETTERS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

Letter of the week will receive a bottle of wine from Letters to the editor our friends at Cambridge [email protected] Wine Merchants

Established in 1947 Issue No 666 Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF A Divisional Education: Experiencing Effective money is tight, it is easier than it Telephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949 not just economics Integration was before I was a student. In spite of his private school educa- I strongly disagree with the article My supervisions have been ar- tion, Ed Cumming does not seem “Barriers from within” from issue ranged so that I am able to pick to have opened his horizon towards 664 of Varsity (3/11) which stated up my daughter from nursery, my a comparative view of educational that the university fails to integrate lectures are all during the week When it’s good to talk systems outside of the UK. Most its foreign students effectively. As between 9 and 5, and other students European countries do not have far as I am concerned, this is entirely are quite happy to chat with me af- It can sometimes seem like none of the colleges want students to a separation between state and contradictory to my experience. ter lectures and during meals, even have any fun at all. The last few weeks have seen the cancellation private schools– and still many of I am an Erasmus student from though I am not able to socialise of the Peterhouse May Ball, (yes, it has been cancelled, despite the us somehow manage to get a decent Madrid and am living in Trinity Hall. ‘after hours’. It is all very well and early denials of a rather fl ustered JCR President,) and the decision education and even come to the Although my English is not perfect, good moaning about what you are holy halls of Cambridge. So an edu- I have managed to make some great not receiving, but you would be in by Caius not to invite its scholars to their own Feast. Queens’ Ents a much worse situation if you were were cancelled by a peeved Dean and then re-instated after the cational system which is completely friends. I do not feel at all lonely based on state-run schools does and I was impressed by all of the working from 8am to 6pm in an JCR managed to put up a suffi ciently convincing show of penitence. not necessarily lower the standard social activities arranged for the new offi ce with no career aspirations, no A narrow escape, and one which is sure to have further soured of education. Take the example of students to get to know everyone, grant to cover some childcare costs, already tetchy relations between staff and students. Germany: we have very few private which seemed considerably better and were entirely unable to cover The common denominator in each case is a difference in schools, and almost no one would compared with the experiences your bills - at least the university go there voluntarily as they don’t shared by some of my friends at does have hardship funds. estimation of the student body. At Queens’, the Dean is understood I wish people would stop dwell- to have been angered by what he perceived to be a lack of respect have a good reputation. They are other universities. Moreover, the generally regarded as schools for majority of international students ing on the bad and look at the good amongst students, culminating in the abuse of a fi re extinguisher. rich kids who cannot or don’t want I have met in Cambridge have had - this university is allowing people Undergraduates were frustrated at the lack of meaningful dialogue to keep up with the academic level no problem with integration. The to further themselves academically to resolve the issue but in the end had to bite their tongues in order in state-Gymnasien, so their ambi- only problem is that due to the huge in a way other universities can only to get their Ent back. Their response was mature and considered, tious parents pay a lot of money to amount of work we have each week, dream of, in order to provide a bet- ter and more stable future for both suggesting that perhaps they did deserve the kind of dialogue they push them through to the Abitur we do not have a many opportunities in these private schools. Most to socialize with our English friends. yourselves and your children, and were after. The obvious problem is that the Dean was dealing with if that means you have to struggle quite different characters to whoever decided to play around with Germans would therefore prefer a Daniel Pérez state school because the level is so Trinity Hall a bit while you are here fi nancially, the fi re extinguisher. much better. then so be it - at least it is only for At Peterhouse, college authorities scrapped the Ball without That said, I would also qualify Ed Positive about Parenting the duration of your degree, not for consulting a single student and, it is believed, as a direct response Maltby’s arguments by adding that a the rest of your life. I would like to write in response to Nicola Anderson state school system isn’t a guarantor to poor academic performance. At a small college, we were the article on ‘Unseen Student Par- St Edmund’s College told, fi fteen students constitutes much too high a percentage of for social mobility. A great problem ents’. I think a very one-sided view overall results (not, of course, that anyone gives a hoot about the in Germany is the segregation of has been taken on student parents at pupils into the Hauptschule, Reals- Don’t let the Union pass a Tompkins Table). Cambridge. I am both a single par- chule and Gymnasium at the age of ent and a student parent and I fi nd farcical constitution At Caius, students again found themselves denied what they about 10. Once you end up in one of that the provisions the university, Last week, the Cambridge Union thought would be a memorable night without any consultation. these school forms – which are based and indeed my college, are excellent. elite told Members that they should One scholar said “the thing that is pissing me off isn’t the on your primary school teacher’s You do not have the social life wait and see their proposals for a specifi cs about the feast, it’s the fact that college, as usual, neither assessment on your academic po- new constitution before judging it. consulted nor informed us of this decision when it was taken.” tential – mobility upwards is almost Having waited and having looked at impossible. it, their proposals make the Demo- Clearly the fellows are not that keen to talk. The difference here Clearly, any strongly divisional cratic People’s Republic of Korea is that they cannot put this reluctance down to either a lack of system – be it based on parental in- look democratic and accountable. respect or failing academic standards. These were the third year come, as in Britain, or on a teacher’s As a result, I can only urge as many scholars, fresh from a shiny fi rst in their second year. Surely subjective judgment of potential, as people as possible to turn up to the these, if anyone, were the most likely candidates for that elusive in Germany – is extremely unfair in Special Members Business Meet- “meaningful dialogue”. Sadly not. limiting rather than supporting am- or money that you had as a single ing on 20th November at the Union and vote down the ill-thought out There is a culture in Cambridge colleges, probably always has bitions in education and in perpetu- person, but you are a parent with re- ating power hierarchies. It is in the proposals so one day the Society can been too, of offi cialdom rather enjoying being able to totally ignore sponsibilities, and so need to adjust interest of society as a whole that to them, not have the responsibili- get a democratic amendment. the students over contentious issues, particularly disciplinary ones. school systems provide the maxi- ties adjust to you. I am very grateful Robert Cumming Part of this attitude must come from the prevalence of incidents mum of integration on all levels. to the university for taking me on as Girton College of drunken loutishness which inevitably lead to an inch or two in Lisa Jeschke a student, and I feel that although Cambridge Spies followed by an angry email from the Dean “to all junior members”. From the japes of a few individuals, colleges feel compelled to punish entire undergraduate bodies with no regard for the difference between individual and collective responsibility. But confess the glaring fact is that attacking students through their JCRs and organisational bodies is never going to prevent the often isolated to misdemeanours that cause so much upset. Heaven forfend that they ever do anything about drinking societies.

Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 e free copies to every Cambridge college and to ARU each week.

Editors Lizzie Mitchell and Elliot Ross [email protected] Associate Editor Lowri Jenkins associate@ varsity.co.uk Chief News Editors Katherine Faulkner, Katy Lee and Camilla Temple news@varsity. co.uk Comment Editor Tom Bird [email protected] Features Editor Ed Cumming features@ sho varsity.co.uk Arts Editor George Grist [email protected] Interviews Editor Jossie Clayton interviews@ varsity.co.uk Chief Sport Editors Simon Allen and George Towers [email protected] Senior News Reporter Emma Inkester [email protected] Letters Editor Jo Trigg letters@varsity. co.uk Science Editors James Shepherd and Hannah Price [email protected] Fashion Editors Iona f y Carter, Emma Draper and Francesca Perry [email protected] Visual Arts Editor Sam Ensor- Rose [email protected] Theatre Editor Orlando Reade [email protected] Literature Editor Orlando Reade [email protected] Chief Music & Listings Editors Joshua Farrington and Verity Simpson [email protected], [email protected] Classical Editor Toby Chadd classical@varsity. co.uk Sports Editor Noel Cochrane [email protected] Copy Editor Pete Coulthard Chief Subeditor Dylan Spencer-Davidson [email protected] Chief Photo Editor Lizzie Robinson [email protected] Chief Photographers Richard Gardner, Debbie Scanlan, Chris Thwaite [email protected] Online Editor Kathryn Maude [email protected] Online Team [email protected] Technical Director Chris Wright [email protected] Business & Advertising Manager Michael Derringer [email protected] Company Secretary Patricia Dalby [email protected] Board of Directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof Peter Robinson, Tom Walters, Amy Goodwin (Varsoc President), Chris Wright, Michael Derringer, Joe Gosden, Natalie Woolman, Lizzie Mitchell, Elliot Ross

NEWSPAPERS Varsity Publications, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Anything to declare? Sniffed SUPPORT Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity RECYCLING is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also some scandal? Recycled paper made up 80.6% of the raw publishes BlueSci, The Cambridge Globalist and The Mays. ©2007 material for UK Post your secrets to us or newspapers in 2006 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in RECYCLING email [email protected] any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Mortons Print Ltd — Newspaper House, Morton Way, All submissions remain Horncastle, Lincolnshire LN9 6JR. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. totally anonymous Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section varsity.co.uk/comment [email protected] ROSTRUM 11 News nightmare

Newspaper sales are falling, the blogosphere is expanding and serious journalism is under threat. Bite-sized reports have replaced in-depth analysis and quality has been sacrifi ced for quantity. But for John Lloyd, Contributing Editor of the Financial Times, these changes offer a challenge that the media should seek to overcome.

he threats to journalism in It is not that there is less news: who are alarmed by these trends is publish this journalism, and amplify democratic countries are not indeed, there is more. In his lecture, to make sure a journalism survives it by aggregation of material on the what they were. Censorship, Paxman said that in the ten year pe- which is “large, independent, princi- same subject, so that the reader suppression, imprisonment riod from 1995-5 to 2005/6, the hours pled, questioning, deep-digging”. can go more deeply into areas s/he Tof editors, belong – largely – to of news put out by the BBC had wishes to know thoroughly. another age. Now, instead, the talk more than doubled, from 5270 per ews is now not handed Radio is often the forgotten medi- about journalism is that it is threat- year to 12,485 per year. At the same down, but is material to um in journalism: though it is ideally ened not by power but by indiffer- time, though, budgets and time of be shaped by the con- suited for analytical journalism, and ence. Our enemies are not political analytical programmes – like his own sumer, by the reader and many channels – as BBC Radio 4 – power so much as market power; not – were being cut. News pours out in Nthe viewer. In part this is what I are distinguished in that regard. The the effort to impose one voice but short pieces, as in 24-hour news or have called niche news; in part it public service model of state-backed the huge proliferation of choice; not business news; increasingly niched is a preference for entertainment, support, or the subscriber/supporter a public forbidden to read or see or for those who want to keep up to celebrity and fun which drives the backed network, as the US National listen to what we wish to tell them, date constantly, or who want specifi c popular media; and in increasing Public Radio. Both public service and but unwilling to even sample it. kinds of news. In these niches, a good part it is people engaged on that subscriber radio will continue – and The problem is many-headed. It living can be made and good journal- practically infi nite resource, the Net the latter may even expand, as it has includes: The internet which pro- ism done: The Economist is one of – putting out their life on YouTube in recent years in the US. duces information in huge quantities the most successful news magazines and MySpace, challenging received Television will virtually cease to do for no upfront cost; bloggers who in the world, and the FT is unique wisdom in blogs, creating received serious current affairs as a routine supply opinion free; satellite and among British papers in increasing wisdom in Wikipedia. matter on mass channels. These will cable technology, vastly increasing circulation over the past year. Busy On that resource, serious journal- go to niche channels, as they already TV choice; free newspapers, taking and committed people will be able ism will have to fi nd its own niches. I have: the Discovery Channel has away newspapers’ markets; adver- increasingly to tailor their news use the plural because clearly there taken in the old 60 Minute show and tisers who won’t support newspapers to their specifi c needs, receiving will be more than one. Already, a is developing it for its worldwide and TV news programmes; citizens, constant updates on the issues about good deal of innovative documentary viewership. Or they will go to inter- not caring about politics and foreign which they wish to keep informed. making is done for the web – often net production: much documentary affairs; consumers who are becoming The people who don’t constantly incubated in universities, paid for by and investigative material is now accustomed to getting news for free; want a lot of information on cur- not for profi t institutions. Newspa- available online – everything from corporations who cut newsrooms, rent affairs, or business, or foreign pers are developing websites which amateur analysis and investiga- concentrate ownership and crowd affairs are now served – free. They include the journalism done for the tions on YouTube through to foreign out family companies dedicated to are, of course, a great threat to the papers – and increasingly, journalism reporting subsidised by not-for- high news standards; editors who established press – especially the done for the web. And above all, peo- profi ts and/or university journalism less often assign reporters to hard remaining city evening papers. The ple are able to put together their uni- departments. news, analysis and investigation; verse of news from the vast libraries The Net will continue to develop reporters who prefer celebrity beats of material available within seconds. hugely, and will be the biggest driver to town halls; producers who put It is of course confusing: as far ahead of and innovator in serious journal- reporters on the air when they have “The great as can be seen, society will need that ism. When – as will soon be the case just arrived at the site of a story. newspapers will cadre of people called journalists – the TV screen and the computer You will notice that most of these who are paid to interpret events. In screen merge into one, and the mod- reasons are related, in one way or survive – if they another decade, serious journalism ern home will have screens which another, to one particular power: con- will look something like this. are active sites of discovery and sumer power. With choice, readers, face the future Magazines containing serious creation as well as passive receivers listeners and viewers have chosen to journalism, essays, investigations of programming, the line between migrate from news: or at least – and intelligently – as and analysis will continue to survive: producer and consumer of media will the distinction is an important one – Die Zeit, the Economist and the New become ever fainter. to migrate from one way of taking in electronic products, Yorker will all still be publishing, and Technology is creating a new news to many others, many of these by developing a mix others may have joined them. Some present and foreshadows a new fu- not yet clear. of these will not make money: the ture for the news media. It is right to The pessimism which now abounds of professional and British monthly Prospect, one of the refl ect on this with some foreboding: in my industry is often hard to best recent (in the last decade) new we have lost some precious things overstate. It was well summed up in amateur journalism” serious titles, may continue to need in journalism – as fi ne TV current a speech by John Carroll, the former funding by private investors – as affairs programmes, as many foreign editor of the Los Angeles Times, in does the US Atlantic and the Italian correspondents networks on big city Seattle last year. He deplored the sales of the Evening Standard, the MegaMedia. Some, like The Econo- papers – and may lose more. But in “shrinking of newspapers’ social long-established and (before the free mist, will be very profi table. New the end, if we are to preserve serious purpose”, and said that “restoring sheets) monopoly London evening niche magazines will continue to pop journalism, we must now have faith the balance between fi nancial per- paper, have fallen by almost a half in up, as in the past – though some of that those who are its object – the formance and public duty is probably the past year. these may have a web presence, and readers, listeners and viewers – will impossible under present owner- The loss seems to be in what has some will be aggregating sites, as wish to become its creators, and in ship”. The job of journalists now was been thought of as the general news signandsite and Arts and Letters doing so will open a new chapter. “to save journalism itself…to ensure which is aimed at the national public. Daily – both immensely useful refer- This will remove the ability of jour- the existence long into the future This had been viewed by those who ence points. nalists, in any medium, to have the of a large, independent, principled, made it or wrote it as bringing the Newspapers may survive as global last word: to say, as Walter Cronkite, questioning, deep-digging cadre of nation together round a common products, as the FT, Wall Street the CBS news anchorman, famously journalists in America, regardless of agenda. It reached its apogee fi rst Journal and Herald Tribune, or as did, “that’s the way it is”. There is no what happens to our newspapers” in radio then in TV news, with the local noticeboards, or as free sheets. one “way” of how it is: there is never In Britain, a famous TV presenter, image and to an extent the reality of It’s hard to see the appetite for a a last word. If the net can make that Jeremy Paxman of Newsnight, gave the nation gathering round the radio daily roundup of events which you into a reality – and more, into a way the annual lecture at the Edinburgh or TV to be informed on issues of the can hold in your hand disappearing: of doing journalism – then it will be a TV Festival last month – and echoed day. But newspapers shared that – though if a portable “scroll” on which blessing, not a curse. Carroll’s blast against newspaper though they differed greatly, they newspapers can be downloaded is owners, applying it to the bosses of usually agreed on the choice of the brought to the market successfully, John Lloyd is Director of Journalism his medium, TV. He said that “Peo- most important stories. Now, mostly, then paper copies may more or less at the Reuters Institute for the Study of ple at the top are less concerned with they don’t. disappear. The great newspapers Journalism at Oxford University and is content and more concerned with One could lengthen the list of will survive – if they face the future a Contributing Editor to the Financial bottom lines. There are too many doom. But there is no point in doing intelligently – as electronic products, Times. He gives a lecture on “The End people in this industry whose answer that here. The larger issue is that by developing the mix of professional of Serious Journalism” at Wolfson to the question: what is TV for? is to which was brought out by John Car- and amateur journalism described College on November 20 at 5.45pm say: ‘to make money’.” roll: that the job of journalists now above – and produce websites which JAMES SHEDDEN Comment editor: Tom Bird Friday November 16 2007 12 COMMENT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/comment

Natalie Woolman A poor investment Don’t fall for the city lights at the cost of your dreams

Why do socialists make so much ummy, when I grow sparkling waiting for you from told” and another who has tried to seem to be the Cantabrigian favour- noise about the working class? ‘ up I want to be an someone who has come all the way work out the logistics of repaying ites. Then you spot the guy with the Why, in all of what we say and do, investment-strategy- to Cambridge to cosy up for a chat her golden handshake and mutter- starred fi rst, the girl who directed do we privilege the working class management-fi nancier- about college football, suddenly the ing something suitably convincing in Edinburgh and the chair of that above all other parts of society consultant-man-thing.M I want to Unknown evaporates. These people to her new employers about need- politics talk you once went to see, as an agent (the agent) of social keep my portfolio diverse and have were you fi ve years ago. And now ing to “fi nd herself” in Asia, the all of whom are blithely allowing change? some real estate interests on the they are happy, stable and com- picture looks less rosy that those themselves to be smooched as they Is it because we are ridden with side. I want my bonus to exceed my fortably well off. Lovely. But that River Bar canapés would have you are walked through the two-stage envy against the rich, and preju- salary and I want my secretary to doesn’t mean that they are doing believe. interview procedure. Herein, diced against people who happen buy Daddy’s Christmas socks every the job you want to do. This is probably the point violent passions have been rolled to have more than we do? Well, no. year.” The Caves of Adventure is According to statistics compiled at which I should offer a hasty up safely in a blanket of “hobbies”, Is it a romantic fascination with tossed to the fl oor with Teddy in by the Cambridge Careers Serv- disclaimer: I am not saying these dreams have been cast aside as the wretched of the earth, just favour of the climactic end to the ice, just three per cent of Cam- jobs are crap, nor am I saying that embarrassing accoutrements and because they are wretched? Do we Shanghai Nokia merger in the pink bridge students are still looking there aren’t people out there who talents have been confused with put workers on a pedestal because pages. These are the wants and de- for employment or opportunities do actually want to do them. What I numerical reasoning scores. they are more oppressed than any sires of a fi ve-year old at bedtime. How nice it is to get a note in other group in society? Again, no. Or at least that’s what the gradu- your pigeon-hole asking you, spe- Socialists do not put workers ate recruiters circling town would cifi cally you, to consider a multina- at the centre of our programme have you believe. Offi ces with tional company. It gives an illusion because we like them more than sleeping pods, annual employee IQ of the world being in need of you – anyone else, or consider them to tests and enormous post-graduate- it may be the Unknown, but you are be, person for person, morally su- scheme drop-out statistics seem certainly not unknown. But maybe perior people. An individual work- like the dream you never knew you the job you want won’t send you a er is no more inherently given to always had. If only you had known. letter. Maybe they don’t even know generosity or bravery than anyone Aunty Anne could have made an who you are and if they did would else. Class struggle is not about a offi ce-block cake so much more eas- think you were an Oxbridge shrimp fi ght between good and bad peo- ily than a pink princess castle. with so much to prove that trusting ple. It is a fi ght between classes, For those of us who had less the coffee machine to you would which are necessarily more than forward-thinking childhoods, it is all be a bad idea. Should these jobs be the sum of their parts. getting a touch confusing. We must disregarded because they are more First of all, capitalism teaches bolt dreams of Saddlers’ Wells, frightening, more competitive and its workers the benefi ts of organi- NASA and Number Ten into the more diffi cult? Cambridge, where sation. In the workplace, work- dressing up box once and for all and have your dreams gone? ers pool their labour in order to ponder instead whether or not the I worry that my fury at the state achieve more together than they Marks and Spencer’s suit would do LAUREN HILL of the world in the last six weeks is could alone. In this way, they us better in grey or navy. And the just me growing up, albeit rather receive a very fundamental lesson source of this sudden determined for further study six months after am suggesting is that the number of painfully, and that soon I will realise about the necessity of collective stride towards suitsville? A prickly graduation. That fact is so good that graduates who embark on these ca- London rents can only be met by effort, mutual support, collective red panic that is currently consum- they put it in the prospectus. So, reers is far higher than the number joining the rat race. Soon I too will discipline – in a word, solidarity. ing the fi nalists as they prepare that means 97 percent found the job who actually enjoy the jobs they argue that a job is only a job and Secondly, workers are driven to face the Unknown. The swollen they were after, right? But when I end up in. The fi gures just don’t add whinge that spreadsheets don’t towards struggle. As much as student overdraft and the call of hear of one friend refusing to come up. It is not credible that the diver- defi ne me. I might pop into the Ca- timid union bureaucrats would like the London lights doesn’t make back and recruit us fresh-faced sity of interests at this University reers Service before my time runs to smooth over class confl ict and this Unknown any easier, but when fi nalists because he “simply couldn’t is entirely represented in the tiny out. I don’t know what degree class replace strikes with cosy confer- there’s a free glass of something feed anyone else the lies he was pool of companies and careers that a pirate needs. ences, no amount of fi ne words or grand conferences can dissuade workers of the material reality of class struggle. What I mean is, you can’t talk your way out of hunger, Michael you can’t reason with an indus- Hilton Embracing the enemy trial injury, after a 10-hour day, rhetoric can’t convince someone that they aren’t tired. Nothing Despite its hazardous past, nuclear power works but material struggle in defence of material interests can ultimately satisfy them. They are bodily driven towards struggle. t is high time the British em- superpowers or even a second head. in order to give us time to develop safer and more powerful than ever In every strike, in every union braced a dangerous, waste-pro- The disasters were tragic but better alternatives. before. Indeed, were we to replace negotiation, underlying the ducing, genetically-mutating it is time we moved out of their It is important to remember that all of our old power plants with new specifi cs, one principle is always killer. Global warming must be shadow. Nuclear power is our best although Britain has built no new ones, they would produce a tenth at work: the demand that private Itackled now, even if it requires ally- prospect for reducing carbon emis- nuclear power plants in decades, of their current waste. There is property be submitted to the ing with the nuclear enemy. sions regardless of the continued others have. France and Norway no denying that drawbacks remain dictates of social responsibil- The British continue to look danger and lethal waste. Indeed, have taken the lead with China, but there have been substantial ity: that the wealth produced by for any alternative. The fear is it is the very fact that it is carbon India, Japan, Russia, Bulgaria and improvements. With international industry be poured into wages, as prevalent amongst Cambridge neutral once built that has led to its Romania starting to follow suit. interest on the rise, things are only pensions, improved working condi- undergraduates as it is throughout rapid international rehabilitation. Even America is waking up, with going to get better. tions, greater free time and public the country. Faith in nuclear power Electricity generation is the single the fi rst attempt to gain a licence Having gained international service: and not private coffers. was fatally undermined twenty fi ve greatest contributor to British backing in October, the fi rst fusion Taken to its logical conclusion, this years ago by the crises at Three carbon emissions and coal-burning power plant is to be constructed in demand inherent in any union dis- Mile Island and Chernobyl and has power plants are the worst offend- the south of France. This is great pute points towards a vision of a never recovered. In 1970, British ers. Some greens have accepted “It is high time that news for the future, but little more new society, in which all wealth, all spending on new nuclear power was this, others have not. than that – its operational successor property, all economic activity be £500m in today’s terms. Now it is At this moment nuclear power the loudest voices will not come online until 2035. directed by the needs of society as virtually non-existent. is the only viable alternative to the The world’s population is ex- a whole. Worker struggle doesn’t Yet the fear is out of proportion fossil fuel guzzlers. Whether even- were not those pected to rise to 10bn in the next explicitly espouse a revolutionary to the danger. The damage in the tual salvation will come in the shape environmentalists fi fty years and electrical demand is programme: but its logic points in USSR was largely the result of the of carbon capture, green revolution, going to soar. With the true costs of that direction. system – the initial problem was or scientifi c innovation, the messiah who are unable to see coal and oil becoming clear, nuclear And fi nally, only the working caused by authoritarian demands is still many years in the making. power no longer feels like such a class has the physical strength for performance over safety; the Current renewable technology is the bigger picture” pariah subject. to make the changes we want to fact that the reactor remained open simply not up to the task and the It is high time that the loudest see. Everything that we eat, see for days afterwards (producing recent shift to biofuels threatens to voices in the nuclear power debate and touch was manufactured and radioactive sheep in Wales) was create more problems than it will were not those environmentalists transported by someone working the product of Soviet denial. In solve. As for hydroelectricity, the in twenty seven years submitted who are unable to see the bigger for a wage. Every simple process America, the situation was much immense environmental costs are in September by NRG - a move picture. The government must in daily life relies upon the labour better handled. It is easy to forget well documented. No matter how praised by both Democrats and take the lead in rehabilitating this of the working class, from a tel- that Three Mile Island has over one much propaganda the visitor centre Republicans in Congress. former criminal with the British ephone call, to turning on a light- hundred brothers who have never at the Itaipu Dam can produce, As with every technology, it has people. Better solutions may well bulb, to eating a burger. This class grabbed a headline and still provide Paraguay has forever lost a huge improved drastically in the years surface in the twenty fi rst century has only to fold its arms to bring 20% of America’s electrical output. I number of indigenous villages and since the British lost interest. By but for the moment there are the world to a halt. It has only to have friends who lived within range a set of waterfalls that was said to 2012, both France and Norway will none. Nuclear power may not be organise its labours in a different of Sizewell B and as far as I know be one of the most beautiful in the have new generation Evolution- the future, but it is undoubtedly way to solve the world’s ills. none of them have developed X-men world. Emissions must be cut now ary Power Reactors which are the present. Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/comment [email protected] COMMENT 13

Until yesterday, I regarded myself as being of a sturdy disposition. Yet as I squatted on my seat on the C1 bus, seasonally turning the yellowy-green colour of a recently expired leaf, I was unrecognisable from the pre-pubescent who had manfully outlasted his peers in the clandestine late-night view- ing of Channel 5’s ‘Plastic Surgery Live’. I’d rather endure a botched breast reduction than drive past ‘the Christmas Boutique’ again. If Cilla Black personally commanded the entire magpie population of America, it would take all the years between now and the Nativ- ity for them to amass a comparably revolting mound of distastefully shiny trinkets. Just as nausea had propelled a clammy hand in the direction of the window latch, the ejaculation of a fellow passenger brought me to the brink of explosion. “Can’t wayt for Crimbow this year, can I?” Thankfully, a combination of incredulity at the penetration of her voice through a two-inch wall of Superdrug’s fi nest replacement face and being slightly sick in my mouth restricted my response to a vague wheeze. “You know rates of divorce,” I had been tempted to inform her “are up to 50% higher after the Christmas period. You’ll probably be fuelling the statisti- cians, wench.” Lindsey It’s easy to see why. I reckon Orwell derived his inspiration Kennedy Quality, not quantity for Room 101 from festive living rooms, as cold, darkness and polite- The school leaving age should not be raised to eighteen ness combine cruelly to prohibit es- cape from awkward proximity. My prodigiously bearded Auntie Ger- trude, who had previously borne the tag of my worst nightmare, n a recent interview, the mother of a to show for it. In such cases, it is difficult to teen-year-olds are too young to make their paled in comparison, both literally twenty-three-year-old alcoholic, who see how the government’s latest proposal to own decisions, in which case they should be and fi guratively, with the spray- died from illnesses directly relating to extend the legal leaving age to eighteen by viewed as children and treated accordingly; tanned joviality of this merciless alcohol abuse, expressed concern that a 2013 will produce anything other than two or they are old enough to be legally account- festive fi end. Her presence under Ifailure in the educational system to provide more years of struggle and inevitable failure. able for their own actions, in which case they my Christmas tree would drive children with “fixed aspirations” is partly With youth unemployment on the rise, are surely capable of judging for themselves me to shepherd a fl ock of frosty, responsible for teenage despondency, and and the increasingly high expectations of whether they want to remain in education. Christmas-tree-wielding merry subsequent reliance on drugs and alcohol. employers, the arguments for keeping pupils Considering that you can legally leave home gentlemen into her room and club She described how students at her son’s sixth in school longer are theoretically sound. (or be thrown out of it), get married and have her into a silent night. form college had been able to flit from course Equivalent schemes elsewhere have proved children at sixteen, and sign your life away In bed that night, my mind turned to course without question, “without anyone effective – Poland, in particular, has enjoyed to the army a year later, you might think to presents. Instinctively I mentally asking what they wanted to do with their a soar in the number of skilled workers since that responsibility for your own education rehearsed my “thank you so much, lives”. introducing similar legislation. Education was a minor issue in comparison. But such relative-whose-name-I-forget, how Reading this brought back memories of is doubtless something to be encouraged, inconsistencies are bountiful – a glance at did you know this shitty present was Year 9 Careers Guidance, which in my school in terms of both its intrinsic worth, and the recent headlines reveals that whilst it is now just what I wanted?” expression. basically consisted of messing around for wider career opportunities available to bet- illegal for under-eighteens to buy cigarettes, I cast a retrospective glance back an hour or so during PSHE on a computer ter qualified school leavers. But the intended Gordon Brown has agreed to hold a debate in through the hole in my wallet at last programme that generated a list of jobs response to calls from the Scottish National year’s generosity. The policeman’s options based on a series of vaguely worded Party to lower the voting age to sixteen. helmet with a fl ashing siren for questionnaires. This was followed by a five- Rather than indicative of genuine concern Cousin Bertie had not only been set minute session with a counsellor who was “Infl icting a criminal that adolescents are being neglected too to win me more Brownie points than expected to offer advice on everything from record on adolescents, as early, these reforms reflect the actions of an a year of dedicated knot tying, but acting to investment banking. The compu- anxious government who, having failed to was also genuinely cool. Cool, that is, ter having suggested “leather worker” (I’m part of a process geared persuade young people to make the choices until I remembered that he’s epilep- a vegetarian), and the counsellor having they would wish them to, are now withdraw- tic. As his Grandfather berated my swiftly mapped out my future on a sheet towards making them more ing choice altogether. True, this may prove thoughtlessness in Bertie’s be-tin- of A5 in response to a few words mumbled ultimately beneficial to teenagers who might selled hospital ward, I realised that under pressure, I can’t say I was particularly employable, is bizarre.” otherwise have limited their employment the only thing worse than giving convinced, or inspired, by the experience - options by dropping out too early, but it also rubbish presents is receiving them. and no follow-up meeting was ever proposed. misses the point. It probably didn’t help that the old The next week the debate returned to smok- methods for enforcing these laws are dubi- What needs to be acknowledged is that, if bastard has Tourette’s. ing and abortion, and our personal futures ous, with college-aged children facing legal sixteen-year-olds are apathetic and academi- Sleepily my brain jumped from were never mentioned again. action, such as hefty fines, for truancy. The cally unambitious, this is owing in no small the dreadful to the fantastic. This was in a particularly militant gram- plans have been criticised by various or- part to issues in the educational system What if the government were mar school, where the student response ganisations, including the National Union of itself – its failure to motivate and inspire, or to introduce a moratorium on to such uncertainties was the academic Teachers, who, whilst supporting the exten- to help its students develop clear goals and Christmas presents for anyone equivalent of the fish that chants “Just keep sion of compulsory education in principle, tailor their studies so as to achieve them. The old enough to no longer believe swimming... Just keep swimming” in Finding feel that the use of threats and persecution main problem with keeping students in com- in Father Christmas? Surely our Nemo. Not all schools are like this. Not all to force students to comply is entirely the pulsory education for another two years is Raith Rovers supporting Prime students have the security of knowing that wrong approach – the authorities should, the government’s frustratingly prescriptive Minister must hate to see so much whatever else, they will probably get decent they say, be “supporting young people, not attitude – the individual needs of students go to waste every year. Cromwell GCSEs and A Levels. Many, for whatever criminalising them”. are often ignored, while practical options enforced a ban on festive revelry, reason, have given up trying by the time Inflicting a criminal record on adoles- such as apprenticeships are overlooked. If you know, Gordon, and he was they start secondary school, and spend the cents, as part of a process apparently geared Brown’s aim is for Britain to produce better voted tenth “Greatest Briton ensuing five years engaged in unproduc- towards making them more employable, is qualified, more employable school leavers, he of all time”. “A moratorium on tive warfare with teachers and attendance bizarre. And it exposes a fundamental hypoc- needs to start paying attention to improving Christmas presents,” I mur- officers until they are finally released from risy in the government’s handling of this age the quality of education, not increasing its mured dreamily, dribbling ever so compulsory education with little or nothing group in general: either sixteen- and seven- length. slightly. “Hark, a moratorium.” the mays a literary anthology

The Mays is an anthology of new poetry and prose by students from Oxford and Cambridge. Grander in scope than most university literary projects, it is sold nationwide; distributed to every major literary agent, and each year a guest editor writes an introduction to the anthology. Previous guest editors include Stephen Fry, Ted Hughes, Zadie Smith, Andrew Motion, Ali Smith, Sebastian Faulks, Seamus Heaney and Don Paterson.

is seeking: Submissions Staff Calling all creative types. We are currently looking for students Whether you write poetry, prose, drama, or something in between, the MAYS interested in joining the Editorial wants to hear from you. All styles and genres will be considered e.g. noir, Committee to read submissions in prose satire, fantasy, elegies, free verse, dramatic monologues...let your imagination and poetry, copy-editors and general run riot. We also hope to include artwork in this year’s anthology, so whether support. you have written a comic strip or graphic prose, illustrated your story or poem, To apply, please email with your contact or have a piece of artwork that could stand alone, please send it in! information, which position you are interested in, and a short statement on We will review up to 3 pieces of previously unpublished work per person. your relevent background or interest in Writing must be 2,000 words max. Submissions should be emailed to us with being involved. “submission” in the subject line: writing attached in .doc or .rtf format and artwork as attached .jpg, .gif or .tif format. Please submit your details by 23rd November, 5pm.

[email protected] mays.varsity.co.uk Friday November 16 2007 varsity.co.uk

Adam buxton The cult comic legend talks Radiohead, Beowulf and MeeBox p28 FEAVIEWTURES ARTS THEATRE FOOD MUSIC VISUAL ARTS FASHION LIFESTYLE LISTINGS

One Question Why should we take finals? Orlando Reade

A supervisor recently railed against the tripos examina- tion system, saying that the exams were in danger of being marked by fuckwits. The concerns of many students, however, suggest another motivation. The op- portunity to continue decadent, frivolous and even idolatrous practices well into the Easter term presents an attractive alternative. In one’s last term at Cambridge, before the onslaught of corporate cocaine, Cristal champagne or papier mache masterclasses at the Cherry Hinton Village Hall, there is a general consensus that partying and not studying is the healthy option. Graduation is, in many ways, similar to crossing roads. Al- though it may present a rather immediate threat to one’s continual habiation of our fair earth, it may as well be executed with panache. Keep- ing one’s centre of gravity low, head down, hands either in pockets or (preferably) flailing like a rag-time dancer to avert the accelerating motorist, one’s facial expression a mixture of glee and stoic terror, makes it much less of a chore. Unlike those charlatans who are shipped regularly into Cam- bridge to pose in front of Senate House with a mortarboard and garish borrowed gown, gradu- ation should not be treated ceremoniously. Instead, the knowledge that one has already started to make the mistakes which will condemn one’s future career (and first two marriages), coupled with the Sauvignon Blanc so generously supplied by Michael Derringer the university, the completion of one’s final exams ought to prompt the social and emotional equivalent of Potter’s Bar. The alternatives for the University are clear: either Political Hero prevent the student body from taking their final exams and in doing so let us remain in the Tony Benn, the socialist politician who gave up his peerage to sit in the House of comfortable University ac- comodation (of St. John’s and Commons and went on to head the Stop the War Coalition, sat down for a cup of Trinity) until we disintegrate into the pews of our college tea with Camilla Temple chapel, or simply post diplomas in our pigeon holes in late June n our way in to the inter- reverently that “Tony is just Hussein, and works hard to get ing force behind many impor- in return for a small payment view with Tony Benn, we outside having a puff”. their voices heard. I imagine tant protests, is in fact eighty (and a slightly larger payment Opass a tramp sitting on a small I imagine Benn would be he might also have found the two years old. There’s a very for international students). stool and puffing on his pipe. He quite pleased that, despite aesthetics of such a description grandfatherly side to the grand Given that the MA costs less is wearing a red bobble hat and having been such an eminent drolly satisfying. old man of left-wing Labour than an evening at the Cam- is wrapped up in a large coat. politician, he could pass so When we do meet, Benn politics; this is the role he slips bridge nightspot Ballare, Neither I nor the photographer easily for a tramp. He is deeply speaks endearingly of “the into at the end of our interview, surely the BA should present paid him much attention. aware of those whose voices young people”, an old fashioned posing for the camera - a photo less considerable strain, finan- After we have entered, a lady are ignored by our society, from phrase which reminds us that cial or no, to the impecunious asks us to wait and tells us British students to Saddam this man, who remains a driv- Continues on next page student. No? Features Editor: Ed Cumming Friday November 16 2007 16 VIEWPoints [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features

Political Hero... Continued from p13 is “a moment of pleasure and where there were seventy seven feel about the war in Iraq, and a lifetime of embarrassment” nationalities and a refugee cen- he has been saying it, repeat- Statistic of the week - and complimenting my old tre in the school.” He is clearly edly and consistently since the fashioned cloche hat. “I’m a delighted with so liberal an up- debate began. “They say it’s  e Virgin Devil sucker for this stuff”, he says as bringing. “When I went to visit a war on terror but that’s an he pours himself a cup of tea. the school it was like talking to extraordinary phrase, it’s actu- The incredibly gentle demean- the UN general assembly.” ally a war on Iraq and Afghani- our does not at any point get in Benn looks back with admi- stan. As far as I’m concerned a the way of hard-headed activ- ration on his own generation’s stealth bomber and a suicide ism and argument. This is the political engagement. “All our bomber are moral equivalents, man who is head of the Anti-war debates about the future, they both kill innocent people for Coalition and who organised the weren’t theoretical debates, they political purposes. This war on 2002 Stop the War demonstra- were always, ‘What can we do?’ terror is a complete illusion, tion in London. He is also the In the 1930s there was mass there’s no such thing as a war most prolifi c consumer of choco- unemployment but we didn’t on terror, but they’ve found a late chip cookies I have ever have any unemployment during word that makes it a bit more come across. But over the course the war. If you had full employ- respectable to kill people.” of the interview, the many parts ment by killing Germans, why At the time of the Iraq con- of Tony Benn seem to sit incred- couldn’t you have full employ- troversy, Benn did what pretty ibly comfortably together. ment recruiting nurses and much no one else had considered Branson Cartoon baddie “I was very pleased that the teachers? The Welfare State doing. He asked Saddam Hus- young people came in such num- grew out of peoples’ experience.” sein two simple questions: ‘Have This week it is revealed in the Now, Richard Branson may bers to the march. I don’t think In Benn’s view, the Welfare you got weapons?’ and ‘Do you pages of this esteemed organ feel that one island is quite young people are apathetic, but State is a prime example of a have links with Al Qaeda?’ He (Issue 666, as it happens) that enough for one man, especially they don’t think anyone listens political change resulting from received the answer ‘No’ in both Sir Richard Branson, that when that one island is raking to them and they don’t believe cases. “At the time I didn’t know peddler of all things Virginial in $350,000 a week, but were a word they’re told. Anger and if it was true that he didn’t have and a breathing example that he to go on a spree, and land mistrust are highly political He begins weapons, but it was. I knew being Ginger, bearded and left- himself some more lands, he but they don’t fi t into the game that he didn’t have links with leaning need hold nobody back, would be able to buy a pretty between Cameron and Brown. munching on the Al Qaeda because Osama bin bought his famous ‘Necker’, large number of them. And this “Your generation has got the Laden hated Saddam because in the British Virgin Islands is where it gets weird. Divide biggest choice that any genera- fi rst of the cookies, Saddam was secular. It was an (where else) for a mere £60,000. £4 billion by 60,000 (not a piece tion has ever had; your gen- attempt to try at a late stage to He claims that he had to scrape of household arithmetic most eration is the fi rst to have the dwelling with show that the argument for the around for the money, but I of us are faced with on a daily technology to destroy the human war was a phoney argument. fi nd that pretty hard to believe, basis), and things start to get race. It is also the fi rst genera- delight on the The war was nothing to do with unless by scraping around he very, very weird. If Richard tion in history that has the tech- weapons at all.” meant “dipping in” to his gigan- Branson decided to divide his nology to solve the problems.” tragicomic fi gure He is clear and outspoken on tic, Scrooge McDuck-style pile £4 billion by 60,000, he’d be The students of today are the war in a way which is still of cash. able to buy exactly 666 Necker coming from a very different he has conjured up relatively uncommon amongst But anyway, the concern of Islands. 666. place to those of Benn’s genera- senior political voices. “Blair lied this column is not how hard The Mark of the Beast. No tion, and he has noticed the dif- to us; he said there were weap- Sir Richard had to scrabble wonder he made the Virgin logo ference. “All we did was discuss strong public feeling. Benn’s ons when there weren’t. He said around to fi nd his island, but red. And no wonder he styles politics, all the time. When I go own political views have grown it was about weapons, which it rather what he could do with himself like Satan. Mr Branson, back to Oxbridge now, I feel it is out of watching this happen. wasn’t; it was about Bush want- the rather greater wealth he it would seem, is not the like- a bit remote. When I was there, He believes passionately in the ing to topple Saddam. It was an has bumped into subsequently. able rogue everyone wants to everyone had been a colonel power of demonstration and the oil war presented as a democra- According to Wikipedia, this is believe, but in fact a seafaring in the army; one man had lost responsibility of Parliament to cy fi ghting against terror, which a subsequently-acquired pile merchant of Mammon, sworn a leg and an arm, and he was respond to public feeling. He is a complete lie. Blair said he which currently stands at ap- to buy plots of land surrounded blind. Sidney Squaggy, he was spent fi fty years in Parliament took a tough decision. He took proximately £4 billion. By this by ocean and build luxury villas called.” He begins munching on and describes it as “the buckle the easiest decision in the world; stage it scarcely needs me to on them. A very scary develop- the fi rst of the chocolate chip that links the demonstration to he took orders from someone describe to you the ramifi ca- ment, indeed. And once again, cookies, dwelling with delight Downing Street.” stronger than he was.” tions of this pile on potential you heard it here fi rst. on the tragicomic fi gure he has Born in 1925, Benn was a In response to questions about future island-purchasing. Adrian Dangerhands conjured up. young boy at the start of the how Blair has managed to get He deals with our repeated Second World War and has been away with these lies, Benn questions about the compara- profoundly infl uenced by his points a fi nger at the media. Profi le of the Week tive failings of modern students experiences. “When I hear of “Language is terribly important. with the subtle avoidance of bombers attacking Fallujah or You could hear a news bulletin You’ve put it online, we’ve taken it off a skilled politician. “I don’t Baghdad or Kabul, I remember that sounded like this: ‘The hard want to criticise the students what it was like when I was a line president of the United of today, they’ve had a different kid in London during the Blitz. States, following his controver- Gardener of St John’s College, experience. The younger gen- I was terrifi ed every night we sial policy of invading Iraq, sent Gwilym Henry Cambridge) eration know more than their went into the shelter.” 160,000 American insurgents parents, which has never been “When I came back to univer- into Iraq to launch terrorist at- Thomas Evans “I had not done much work, but true before. When my laptop sity, I’d been a pilot in the RAF tacks on Baghdad.’ That is what I had done some. Had I known I crashes I ring up a grandchild and I’d been in Africa for a year. we hear about Ahmadinejad, but St John’s, Faculty of Asian and was only to get a third I would and they can come and res- I’d lost a brother in the war and that is actually true about Bush. Middle Eastern Studies. “Which not have wasted my time.” cue me. They understand the lots of my school comrades were If you’re killed by an American, year am I in? Good question. (Evelyn Waugh) world much better. Two of my killed. I was very much against that’s friendly fi re.” Offi cially third, I think.” little granddaughters went to war, a great believer in the UN.” Benn is extremely charming a primary school in London He articulates what many throughout, but he never lets you forget his trade. He peers Dashing profi le over his glasses and answers questions with the gentleness of picture: an elderly man, but the steely Recent Status: exactitude of a shrewd politician. Gwilym is singing, “Christus Benn has often said that change vincit! Christus regnat!”. comes from public feeling and demonstration at the bottom of the political hierarchy, so I asked him why he’d spent 50 years in Religious views: Parliament. his response was a Traditional Catholic justifi cation of the role of Parlia- ment, rather than a justifi cation of his own choice. It was a good answer and a very neat sidestep. Activities: It’s not that he doesn’t listen to Carlton, East India; jobs ... you, but he has his soundbites ? (This heading used to read - lots of mini-speeches on lots ‘Clubs/Jobs’, I think.) (As for of different issues. He’ll always ‘Activities’, I am fairly inactive.) pick up on the theme and answer with the appropriate soundbite, but there is an overwhelming sense throughout the interview Favourite quotes: that he isn’t really prepared Er ... quotations, dear ... to get involved in dialogue. It makes him an extremely diffi cult “All alteration is awful.” (Mr Tony Benn: a politician at all times MICHAEL DERRINGER man to argue with. Thoday, sometime Head Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWPoints 17

UndergraduaTelly is is You Sporting Horror We watch TV, so you don’t have to.

Anti-fog, anti-glare, anti-light, anti- Picture the scene, if you will: you nightclub nomenclature, given have just fi nished a lengthy pub the blood pools collected on the Lycra vest, conversational “shades” £400 session at closing time (like a lad) periphery of the dance fl oor, the and successfully found your way sweat dripping from the ceiling, explained home without wetting yourself, and the rotting human entrails despite the painful contractions fl oating in the beer barrels ironically, worn of your WKD-fi lled bladder in deep beneath Waterstone’s, the the frosty winter air. You are now only explanation of your pint’s with furious pride Lip balm, worn on twine deciding what to do; too pissed deathly taste). Twenty Two, it to do any work or reading, too has emerged after painstaking around neck lonely to have a two-player game research, is the number of limp of ProEvo, and too lazy to throw cadavers with which the bounc- “Gun”, oiled satsumas at the loud, drunken, ers hope to fi ll the trade bins chino-clad louts beneath your down that fateful passageway extensively and window, you decide (with a pang before 2am every Sunday night. Jockstrap, of self-loathing) to turn on your But to return to our subject, revealed before Freeview television, which prom- such staples of the freeview diet gumguard, carb- ised so much when you bought it as TMF and The Hits occupy pudding with its 30+ channels. a unique place in the hearts of gel, lucozade, 400 (It is worth noting at this those who don’t like News 24 or stage that if you have Sky, you BBC comedies set in Runcorn, tickets for the should probably turn your at- and haven’t discovered Asterix tention to the always-amusing books as superior post-pub en- Varsity game you’re theatre section of this paper, or tertainment. Although on The read on and gloat at our more Hits “Umbrella” is still played not playing in plebian miseries). You quickly every other song, and on TMF realise that the only things on they show programmes about Semen- at this advanced hour are “Two Hulk Hogan’s incestuous rela- Pints of Lager and a Packet of tionship with his weird-ass kids, threatening Crisps” (which is incidentally they make you realise how rela- a comedy which breaks new tive the idea of musical quality shorts, justifi ed ground in its audacious and his- is – spend enough time sitting torically unprecedented absence in front of The Feeling, Britney’s as “aerodynamic” of jokes) and phone-in quiz post-Lucky work, or “Wham! shows in which living legend Best of” countdowns and you’ll Brian Dowling grins at you from fi nd yourself jumping for joy a headset (have you ever noticed when KT Tunstall, Girls Aloud how these presenters are always or even Emma Bunton’s solo Bulging calf, source glancing nervously away from stuff comes on (no-one can deny the camera, as if there were a the haunting beauty of What of intense pride - man pointing a gun at them Took You So Long?). mouthing “that’s it, keep being The big question when trying “hardest place to shit, don’t stop”, and winking) objectively to assess the quality and asks what you think is the of these two channels is: Why gain mass” most likely anagram of OBOB. are they the only two music Yet despite this there are channels you don’t have to pay clear parallels between late- for? The answer must surely be night Freeview and Cambridge that they are the two very worst nightlife. Both are exercises in a music channels, not good enough combination of damage-limita- even to exist within the stagger- Balls tion and suicide aversion. Indeed, ingly unselective Murdoch media televised Poker (which your empire. This leads us onto the (assorted) erstwhile correspondent reckons more profound question: why the most edifying of post-mid- is Freeview in general so shit, night TV treats) is almost exactly leaving us either to fi nd some- Nike Ubershoes, telling you every second of every day analogous to a “night out” at Club thing else to do after midnight TwentyTwo. Both take place in or watch some blokes in a dark how fat you are, how fast your heart is beating and how seedily-lit, underground rooms, room, pretending to be asleep, and involve a cast of vomit-spat- masturbating under their duvets many non-sporting friends you have (few) tered, spuriously smartly-dressed (Big Brother Live)? Freeview is men losing a lot of money, with so bad because we don’t pay for TOM WRIGHT the odd token female (generally it, in the same way that Sky is slightly overweight or otherwise good because it costs money. But hideous) providing the eye- any discussion of this will bring Cantabulous/ Oxfordire candy. In an interesting aside, us painfully close to the debate my friend Adrian has uncovered about the merits of private edu- the great mystery surrounding cation. And as last week’s Varsity the rebranding of the club once demonstrated, that only takes Scotland Winter Loneliness known as Life (surely an exam- place between complete, and ut- According to Alex Ferguson Warm clothes are much bag- Not nearly as bad as eve- ple of ironic gesture politics in ter, tossers. John Reicher “the master race is back”. gier than summer clothes, ryone makes out. No phone Having already crushed and reveal much less breast. calls to make, no meals to France, expect This is good news for every- buy, no washing to do, no more of the same one, particularly the unfor- lies to tell, day in, day out. against the Italians tunate souls forced to spend Although your enthusiasm at Hampden on time naked in the name of under the mistletoe will, Saturday. crude social empathy. eventually, betray you. Scots: dominant

5th Week Pets England I am literally so, so tired. I Every day I am more puz- Defi nitely going down (and can never do another essay, zled about the day the fi rst out), to a combination of I never want to read another human decided that the best countries from book, all I really want to do is idea possible would be to take the old CCCP. waddle into a tiny little hole a small, furry, smelly wild Proof that no- in the ground and talk to my animal and emotionally an- one with a red mother. Oh wait, there’s three thropomorphise them against face has won weeks to go. Oh good. I’m their will. anything since absolutely delighted. Chris Evans. McClaren: Red-faced Hogan: Hulking Features Editor: Ed Cumming Friday November 16 2007 18 VIEWFeatures [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features The man it’s impossible to hate Sir Richard Branson is one of the world’s most recognisable fi gures - since his teens an icon of entrepreneurship and philanthropy, and living proof that you needn’t follow the beaten track to achieve immense success. Guy Kiddey, caught up with him to talk spaceships, babes, business, and vast sums of money raised for charity.

thought I’d begin by fi nd- have got all kinds of problems, Therefore, I think that extreme bought when I was 27 years oil. As a result of a meeting I ing out exactly how you or they certainly did in those responsibility goes to extreme old in the Caribbean. It cost had about that time, and after go about your charitable days. people, successful entrepre- £60,000, money which I had having read a lot more books, I campaigning? neurs. Quite a lot of the profi ts to scratch around to get. It’s met James Lovelock, who wrote I use myself quite a bit - speech- Was your ambition to set up that Virgin makes over the now one of the most beautiful the Gaia theory, I ended up es, mainly. I brought along that service due to personal years will be ploughed back into places in the world. In order being very worried about what Elvis Costello from England experience, or did you regard trying to tackle global issues, to assuage my guilt, having was happening to the world. last night, and we put Necker yourself as quite a strong and then I will be trying to use something that special, I rent We decided to build clean oil Island (Sir Richard’s Caribbean personality as a young person, up some entrepreneurial skill, it out when I am not there and refi neries. We also are offering paradise) up for auction. We’re which you could use to help to making sure that this money is last night, for example, we a $25 million prize to anybody generally trying to have a fun others? sustainable. auctioned off a week there and who can work out how to extract way of raising money. We raised I think it was a mixture of the got $350,000 for a week on the carbon from the atmosphere. 30 million dollars last night. two: I had my fair share of You’re very self-aware. One of island. James Lovelock is correct in social issues when I was a teen- the questions I was going to saying that the only way we can Is that from ticket sales? ager, but equally I ran a student ask is whether you are at all You have spoken a lot about save the situation is by remov- I put about 30 days a year aside magazine and was in a good embarrassed by your extreme sustainability. I notice that you ing carbon from the atmosphere. for making speeches and trying position to tackle the problems. wealth, and does that confl ict are quite interested in mak- to raise money, and then about We had a service where people with any communist leanings ing your fl eet of aeroplanes You must be in a constant bat- another fi ve months a year could phone up if they were you might have had when you a greener fl eet by having tle with your conscience. I am working on the Virgin Unite contemplating suicide, we could were younger? them run on biofuels. Has any sure you have been tempted to Foundation, and then the other talk about abortions and so on... I am not embarrassed as long progress been made in that establish a Virgin cheap fl ights six months working on the Vir- as I use it properly. The criti- respect? airline in the UK. gin group and taking it into new You’ve always been quite a cal thing is that you make sure Yes. We have a number of dirty The principal reason [that Vir- areas. crusader, and this crusade is that money doesn’t languish in businesses: we have the airline gin has not established a cheap still very prominent in your a bank account; it is used to business, the train business, fl ights airline in the UK] is that Your public image is, amongst life, though it seems to have transform industries, to employ which is much less dirty, and you have to look where there is other things, of a great philan- evolved over time. new people, to tackle social is- we have decided to put all of the an obvious need. In America, thropist - do you agree? What Yes , I think that capitalism sues around the world. As long profi ts from those two busi- the airline industry is diabolical, has inspired this philanthropy seems to be the only system in as you use it constructively, you nesses into developing cleaner so we set up a low fares airline. in you? the world that works. Commu- can sleep well at night. I have fuel, so that we can balance out The same is true in Australia. I think that ever since I was nism has been tried and failed, personal luxuries: my biggest the bad effects somewhat. What In Britain, Easyjet and Ryanair a teenager, being a lad of the but the trouble with capital- personal luxury we are trying to do is develop are doing a reasonable job, so Sixties, I have been interested ism is that the is this beau- fuels that are clean, and the there is no need for another low in seeing whether I can make extreme wealth tiful initial thing with planes is to cost airline. We are looking at a difference. I set up a student goes to island see whether we can prove that Russia and Nigeria. The Presi- advisory centre when I was in relatively that biofuels will be able to power dent of Nigeria came to me and my teens, which is still running few I a jet engine. We have said that said that the Nigerian Airways actually, but under a new name: peo- sometime next year we will fl y planes keep crashing, and we it’s called HELP now, and essen- ple. a 747 with a part biofuel mix in need a safe West African airline. tially has changed somewhat in with the dirty fuel. its approach, but young students Innovation is the key, obviously. Is your decision to investigate It is interesting that you have the green fuels route a result this dedication to Africa. We of the increasing prices in tend to see lots of money being “I have one of oil? I remember you saying raised, and a lot of charity and about a year ago that you were aid help being offered to Africa, the most exciting concerned about a worldwide but I think it is commonly ac- recession when oil topped $100 cepted that Africa is not going lives I possible a barrel, which has since hap- to get out of its poverty situa- pened. Is that a major concern tion without actually being able could have. I for you? to develop its own industry Very often in life there are a and infrastructure. I wonder if meet thousands number of different reasons for you have any views on this, and doing things. If I switch the have any ways that you think of people. I love clock back about four years, I you might be able to contrib- read a book called The Scepti- ute? learning, I’m cal Environmentalist (by Bjorn First of all, I think you’re Lomborg, interviewed in Issue right. We have set a number of learning all the 661), and wasn’t convinced schemes to deal with this. We about global warming, and have set up the School of Entre- time. I’m in quite therefore was much more inter- preneurship in Johannesberg, ested in worrying about keeping which is training Africans from a unique position my oil prices low. Also about the townships to become entre- four years ago I decided to build preneurs, to give them the basic and I don’t want an oil refi nery to try and skills they need, which is a very bring down the diffi cult thing to do, admittedly. to waste that price of Having Africans build their own my businesses is extremely impor- position” tant for the future, and also hav- ing overseas companies invest- ing in Africa. Virgin tries to invest in Africa. We already have fi nancial services and mobile phones there. Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWFeatures 19 The man it’s impossible to hate

The Elders, left to right: Graça Machel, Mary Robinson, Jimmy Carter, Nelson Mandela, Bought for £60,000 when Branson was 27, a week at Necker Island has just been Richard Branson, Peter Gabriel, Li Zhaoxing, Kofi Annan, Muhammad Yunus, Desmond Tutu auctioned off for $350,000

You mentioned that it is quite I would agree. Particularly at ing challenge at the moment is lives that I could possibly have, 60, 70, 80 years of enormous hard to train people to be entre- Cambridge, where there is a the space programme. We are I meet thousands of people, I global respect. If Nelson Man- preneurs. There is a Manage- conveyor belt running straight about two years away, and I love learning, I am learning all dela, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, ment Course here at Cambridge from here to the centre of the will certainly be taking the fi rst the time. I am in quite a unique the Dalai Lama collectively say University. Their opening line City of London. fl ight on that. We have got fi ve position, and I don’t want to they want to see you, you are is “we can’t teach you how to That may be a happy life, but if, spaceships and a few mother waste that position. Peter not going to turn them down! be a good manager, but we can at age 17, you wanted to be an ships being built, and we hope Gabriel and myself recently set Last week they went to see the show you the skills you need entrepreneur, there is a danger that this will be the start of a up an organisation called The Presidents of Southern and to become a good manager.” that that spirit will be knocked whole new era of space travel. Elders (pictured above), which Northern Sudan, for example. I wonder if the reason you out of you (at university) simply is fronted by Nelson Mandela. They are spending a lot of time decided not to go to university because there is a cushy alter- That would be the ultimate The idea behind it is that if the and energy trying to deal with is precisely because of that, native. What university stu- travel experience, mind broad- 12 most respected, wisest people problems like this. because you already has the dents need to do is realise that ening experience. in the world can get together, skills that you thought that you they have alot of advantages, Through the technology that and look at confl icts and poten- It is very refreshing to hear needed. but they have got to shake off we develop being able to take tial confl icts with their moral somebody of your age being that conservatism. Give it a people into space, we hope that authority, there will hopefully so optimistic. Lots of people of go, because the worst that can we will then be able to develop be a chance to avert confl icts or your age are cynical, because “If Nelson happen is that you fall fl at on the future clean planes which stop confl icts that are already they have, perhaps, lost their your face! can travel across the world in taking place. radical teenage spirit. The mes- Mandela, half an hour, by popping them sage that the media portrays is You are obviously a radical out of the world’s atmosphere, Is that not a very idealistic view always one of doom... Archbishop person, and some might say and popping them straight back to take? Organisations like the I am certainly not cynical. quite reckless, with you fl ying down again. It could be the be- UN seem to be very optional in There are some leaders Desmond Tutu, balloons around the world, or ginning of something extremely the eyes of the big superpowers who have made some trying to fl y them round the exciting. of the world, (over Iraq, for ghastly mistakes. the Dalai Lama world! Have you got You are obviously always on the example,) where the voice of The American Presi- any plans to go. Do you ever fi nd that that the UN was outright ignored. dent particularly in collectively say try anything gets too much? Do you think the last few years, similar in the Basically, the answer is no. I that this which has set the they want to see future? have one of world back enormous- The bal- the most ly. This must not ever you, you are not loons are exciting happen again. In this behind me. day and age war should going to turn I go for be the absolute exception to the rule, and people must be them down” able to come up with alterna- tive ways.

I think the reason I decided not I notice that you often have to go to university was because very beautiful women along- I was never particularly aca- side you in your press shots, demic, I was dyslexic, and when and I wonder if you could I was 15 an academic career quickly tell me: How important would not have suited me. At is sex in advertising? quite a young age, I saw the I must have a very understand- Vietnam War going on and ing wife. All of us men are decided to set up a magazine cabinet of susceptible to good looking to give students a voice. My 12 respected women. Advertising should be own particular learning was people will fun. One of the most fun promo- learning the art of survival. have the tions was the day when I was on I think a good university impact that my house boat when they were can give people the tools, you hope trying to lift the London Eye, but what students have got that they sponsored by Britsh Airways, to to be careful about is that, will have? show it off to the world. It had if you leave school when you We certainly never been upright before, and I are 16, you have got noth- don’t want to got a telephone call saying that ing to lose, you’ve got no weekend over-promise. they couldn’t get the wheel up, girlfriend, no mortgage commit- balloon rides, and The advan- because of a technical problem. ment. You leave university at think it is a wonderful thing tage they All the world’s press were there. 22 or 23, you are beginning to to do, but having been pulled have over So we scrambled an airship, and become conservative, and you out of the sea seven times a nation had it fl y over the wheel with a can suddenly see that you can by helicopter, I have decided state is huge banner saying “BA CAN’T get yourself a steady job and that enough is enough on that they GET IT UP!” money... that front. The very excit- have had Fashion Editors: Iona Carter, Emma Draper and Francesca Perry Friday November 16 2007 Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: 20 VIEWFashion [email protected] varsity.co.uk/fashion varsity.co.uk/fashion [email protected] VIEWFashion 21

Fashion Disaster? Johnny & Luciana are on your All clothes from Dixie’s market stall. Tights trail and they’re going to make from Topshop. Modelled by Alice Edgerley you look fabulous and Izzy Finkel. Styled by Iona Carter. Photographed by Francesca Perry.

It’s n a hot and steamy Tuesday  it ciana on better, or just more, night. The air is thick, the clothes. If nothing else, you’ll secret mirrors are moist, there is a save your date the embarrass- sweet stench of cheesy feet. ment of getting more than he Yes, that’s right - you’re in bargained for upon ordering a Club 22. You are just hav- vodka and orange... ing a little chassé to the new Even Johnny and Luciana Spicegirls song, when your have to admit that they can’t ears are suddenly subjected fi nd much wrong with the to a painfully high-pitched jeans and shoes, but there’s al- assault. Has Victoria fi nally ways a little room for improve- been given that solo she’s ment. We swapped Trafford’s been so desperate for all these baggy, faded blues for these years? Have the other girls slinkier, darker denims from fi nally realised just how scary Cambridge’s newest store, garden Mel B actually is? Oh no, it’s Bank (£60). We also trimmed just James Trafford’s scream- down his feet with these ingly gay outfi t. Makeover slimmer, smarter, Paul Smith Victim No. 4. shoes from SoleTrader (£75). Cambridge gets cold, but, as we all know, Cambridge clubs before do not. This leather jacket (£60) from the snazzy new John Lewis store will keep James warm on his way to and from the club, then he can strip off, dance the night away, and show everyone that he is by no means ‘Mr. Lazy’, as his t-shirt (Bank, £25) would suggest. To fi nish off the Traff- ormation, we delicately shoved James’s head under the cold tap in the Ladies’ (much to the dismay of the woman who looked like she really did need to get into the cubicle) to wash off the Malibu Barbie visage and rinse his crispy locks. after

First things fi rst, there is no light in Club 22 (which is a bonus if you’ve ever actu- ally seen any of the people who frequent it). Save those shades for the morning - you’ll need them for the walk of shame. There is a reason why the label on that vest reads “Underwear”. You may a) think you are saving valuable bedroom time, b) be adhering to the saying “less is more”, or c) showing off your gorgeous, golden glow. a) you’re going home alone dressed like that, love, b) more is more in your case - put some clothes on, and c) it comes out of a can. Everyone looks tanned in the Fresh of face and curly of hair, dark, James. No need to waste James looks ready to face any- money on fake tan - spend thing. Even Club 22. Features Editor: Ed Cumming Friday November 16 2007 22 VIEWFeatures [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features The French (Stude nt) Revolution is month France has seen some of the biggest student protests in years, in the wake of controversial changes in university law proposed by the new President Nicholas Sarkozy. Ed Maltby, in Paris for his year abroad, has witnessed fi rst-hand the chaos caused by students. Here he examines the causes and likely outcome of a brand of protest all but dead in Britain.

rench students are current- ly engaged in the biggest Fmass movement the country has seen since the massive mobilisation of 2005. In response to a raft of government attacks on public service, education, workers’ rights and immigrants, and in the teeth of massive betrayal by the major students’ union, UNEF (the French Student Un- ion) and the Lycées, alongside other public sector employees, are in the process of an unprec- edented wave of strikes. Around a quarter of universi- ties across France are striking or blockaded, while hundreds of students cram into mass meetings almost daily to decide the course of the movement. In cold lecture theatres across the country, elected strike commit- tees prepare statements and plan demonstrations until late into the night, while university presidents try desperately to split the movement, sending out streams of emails to stu- dents and calling in riot police to break picket lines. The problem is not just in universities; Parisians are hur- riedly preparing for the big- gest, longest transport strike in years as rail and metro workers take action in defence of their pensions and the right to strike. Staffrooms, too, are rowdier than usual, as teachers and students in colleges and schools across the country organise stoppages in response to the elimination of 11,200 teach- ing posts nationwide, and in defence of immigrant students threatened with deportation. Unrest has been brewing since the summer. After his elec- tion, the new President Sarkozy started planning a series of ma- GILES SMITH jor reforms, intended to break the power of the French unions and ease the privatisation of public services. In a nod to the right-wing voters he is trying to charm away from the Front fi shermen, which allow them But what was more scandal- struck a series of resounding National and towards his own to retire at 50, comes alongside ous to students was that the blows in defence of their welfare UMP party, Sarkozy also spent an attempt to cut state pen- top brass in UNEF, the major state. In 1994, students defeated the summer laying the ground- “I’m not talking sion provision for everyone French students’ union, chose an attempt to introduce a new work for intensifi ed attacks in France. As a further cost- to “negotiate” with the gov- minimum wage for the young. In against immigrants, legal and il- about martyring cutting measure, Sarkozy has ernment on the LRU without 1995, against virtually identical legal. These attacks were almost also announced that 22,000 properly consulting the mem- attacks threatened by the then- all announced in the summer, ourselves. But we public service posts will be cut, bership. And after a tough- minister Alain Juppé, French and as many as possible were half from public education. sounding but short-lived media public-sector workers unleashed rushed through parliament need to move now, The Pécresse Law, or Law on campaign, the UNEF bureauc- a month of strikes which brought before the end of the holidays in the Autonomy of Universities racy accepted every important the country to a standstill. an attempt (clearly misguided) and unfortunately, (LRU) grants greater powers to part of the new law. Yet this In 2006, a major movement to avert any kind of mobilisa- university directors to hire and was still trumpeted, amazingly, of students and young workers tions or demonstrations. strike is our fi re staff, and encourages uni- as a victory for students. defeated attempts to bring in the “Minimum Service” legisla- versities to seek private fund- However, recent events in CPE, an employment contract tion attacks workers’ right to only means ing, while giving the govern- France were working against which sought to eliminate job se- strike, requiring workers tak- ment free rein to cut spending both the timid careerists in the curity for the young. The result ing part in a strike to identify of defending on Higher Education. unions and the Thatcherite of these battles, which are still themselves individually to their The initial union response revolutionaries in government. very much at the forefront of bosses 48 hours before indus- ourselves.” to these moves was feeble. The Whereas in Britain the workers’ the French public imagination, trial action. A proposed end to CGT complained that the laws and students’ movement has is that ordinary workers and the special pension regimes of had been rushed through “with- known nothing but defeat since students are very much aware railway workers, miners and out proper negotiation”. the 1980s, French workers have not only of how to fi ght and win Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWFeatures 23 The French (Stude nt) Revolution from different unions and revo- lutionary groups ran around, jittery from lack of sleep, franti- cally organising. The guarded doors now had to be fl ung wide open as the crowd spilled out into the foyer, craning to see, while a tall woman scribbled motions up on the blackboard at the front. The meeting cheered to hear the news from outside Paris – 37 universities were send- ing delegations to the meeting of the national student co- ordination at Rennes, and in Paris, Nanterre, Clignancourt and Paris VIII had all voted to blockade. Gales of laughter greeted the chair when he read out the director’s statement about how hooded youths with iron bars were responsible for Union leaders were desperate to resolve the tension the strike and blockades. Many Students crammed into lecture halls to protest new students had arrived, so it against the authorities, but also a thousand students became was necessary to retrace the old past. Several hundred repre- refuses to recognise, and of the necessity of taking direct commonplace. To the horror of arguments about the necessity sentatives from across France, condemns all negotiation on action to defend their jobs and the UNEF bureaucrats (who of strike and opposition to the the best speakers and hardest the part of trade unions with conditions of study, rather than were met with boos and jeer- LRU before the meeting could bargainers, the most wily, expe- the government, because the leaving it to union leaders. ing whenever they stood up to discuss the most recent devel- rienced and respected activists objective must be the creation As one student remarked, speak in such meetings) and opments. Some argued that a the movement could throw of massive force, which is the “the heads of unions, be it university directors, these strike would be wrong, as it together were trying to ham- only means which can satisfy UNEF or the CGT, will do meetings voted overwhelmingly would deprive them of their mer out a programme together. our demands.” whatever they can to remain against the LRU. right to study. Others coun- Inevitably, this meant hours For November 13, for the intermediaries between us Very quickly, the right-wing tered that were the law to pass, upon hours of negotiation, as fi rst time in France’s history, and the government, including newspapers and the govern- conditions of study for this and every word in the joint state- the transport unions called a selling us out. But they have to ment started trying to discredit future generations of students ment was scrutinised and the “reconductible” strike: a strike remember that they’re standing the general assemblies, de- would deteriorate permanently. political implications of every where every evening, instead on our backs, and that when we scribing them as disturbances As one girl pointed out, “I’m call to action and every demand of taking a vote, workers at move, so do they.” created by minorities of radical not talking about martyring were discussed at length. each workplace decide in a Throughout September, the students and outside agitators. ourselves. But we need to move Delegates snatched a few railway workers began to make Late one evening, while now, and unfortunately, strike hours’ sleep on damp mattress- the fi rst steps in the construc- we were sitting outside the is our only means of defending es in another theatre down “We’re not tion of the current movement. Sorbonne after a long meeting, ourselves.” the hall, only to begin again General assemblies of the type I raised this with an exhausted An Algerian echoed her the next morning. By fi ve in dangerous used to devastating effect in activist who sat smoking greed- point, to deafening applause: the afternoon on Sunday, after 1995 were called at workplaces ily next to me. “Not so”, he “I’m trying to study, I’m try- 18 hours of discussion, the revolutionaries,” replied, speaking slowly from ing to get ahead, but Sarkozy press were allowed in to crowd fatigue, “People come to the stands in my way. He slurs around the podium while a another added, “Sarkozy stands in assemblies who disagree, but me as scum, he’s interfering committee of exhausted stu- what makes them important with my studies, what can I dents read out the Declaration “we’re ordinary my way. He slurs is that real debates happen do? When his family came to of the National Co-ordination: there. I was at Tolbiac [Uni- France, no-one demanded their “We call to the population to people defending me as scum, he’s versity Paris I] last week, in a DNA!” support our mobilisation, and meeting of about 800. At the “We’re not dangerous revo- that of the railway workers our interests. interfering with start, I’d say around 80% must lutionaries,” another added, and the public service strike of have been against the idea of a “we’re ordinary people defend- the 20th of November. It is by We have to tell my studies, what strike, and many were even for ing our interests. We have to the struggle of all for all that the LRU. But after three hours tell Sarko that he can’t just do we will succeed in driving back Sarko that he can I do?” of bedlam we won the vote with what he likes with our univer- the government. a two-thirds majority, and the sities”. A member of the UNEF We call for students to go can’t just do what meeting was bigger at the end hierarchy spoke up, calling for on strike immediately, and to across the French rail network. than at the beginning. “moderation”, and acceptance build the struggle with strike he likes with our These assemblies put major “People changed their minds that the repeal of the LRU pickets, blockade and oc- pressure on the union bureau- when we talked to them about was “just unrealistic”. He was cupation, and to discuss and universities” crats to call strikes and demon- the law. Directors want to howled down. Outside, pam- convince those around them strations. organise secret internet ballots. phlets were being circulated, to build an even more mas- Frantic efforts by workers Apart from the fact that we warning against fascist youth sive movement. We call all the mass meeting whether or not and union activists brought obviously shouldn’t trust them groups which were mobilising university staff to join us in to continue the strike for the several industries together to count the votes, we need to striking. next day. Union leaders have for the day of action: teachers, make decisions together, with We call for a national day of never before ceded such control students, public sector work- discussion. Without discussion, action to blockade train sta- to the membership over the ers, restaurant workers and how can any collective decision “bureaucrats were tions on Tuesday the 13th of direction of a strike. metro workers all joined the be legitimate?” November. Getting off the train, I walked “cheminots”, as they struck and Shortly thereafter, the strike met with boos and We call for demonstrations through the bustling station demonstrated against the gov- committee voted in by that day’s alongside railway workers on to the metro stop. As I bought ernment’s raft of attacks. From assembly effected the blockade jeering whenever the 14th or the 15th of No- my ticket at a counter, I said that date, the trickle of student of the Sorbonne, carefully piling vember or as is appropriate to the man serving me, “Hey, meetings and actions turned tons of classroom furniture in they stood up to to each town. We call for mass good luck for Tuesday.” He and into a torrent. the central courtyard. demonstrations on the 20th of his workmate grinned and gave Across France, students too The next day, at Tolbiac, one speak” November alongside the strik- me the thumbs up through the began calling general assem- of the largest and historically ing public servants. glass as I passed the barrier. blies to discuss the Pécresse law most radical universities in We call for public and private “You too, man!” in greater and greater numbers. Paris, 1,300 students fi led past against the strikers. sector workers to choose these It is all so different to our At fi rst, such meetings only suc- private security guards into a Three days later, at Rennes, dates to join us in striking, Cambridge concept of protest, ceeded in bringing together a vast lecture theatre, while the in a freezing lecture theatre because it is all together, and yet it is so hard not to sym- few hundreds of students each. chairman, a tall, young Arab whose walls were crowded with students and workers, that pathise with their drive, and But as October turned into from Saint-Denis beatboxed slogans, the meeting of the we shall drive back the gov- their unquenched belief, in the November, meetings of over over the PA and young activists national co-ordination crawled ernment. The Co-ordination power of protest. Arts Editor: George Grist Friday November16 2007 24 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts An actress of the old school When Penelope Keith started out, acting was a craft to be learnt, and experience and vocal prowess were the means to success. Today, she wouldn’t recommend the profession to young actors. e grande dame of the British sitcom talks to Elie Yoo about comedy, duty, and why we must keep quoting Donne.

t fi rst, meeting Penelope whatever that means. That’s Keith is a bit like meeting the depressing difference. Young theA Queen. As soon as her voice actors rather than focussing on ripples from her stately 5’10’’ their vocal prowess – which you stature, it becomes clear that need for Coward, Shaw, Wilde here is a virtuoso of the English to name but a few – want fame language; a theatrical grande and are getting less and less dame for whom words are experience.” sacred, and whose sharp elocu- What is striking about Keith tion brings new meaning to the is not just her passion for her term ‘cut-glass’. craft, but the way in which she Before the interview I’d been uses it to involve herself in com- terrifi ed that Keith would be a munity work. Having served as real-life Lady Bracknell, whose County Sheriff for Surrey for persona she was adopting last a few years in which she met week at the Arts theatre in The a “huge variety of people”, one Importance of Being Earnest. I senses that she despises the wasn’t expecting her to scream alleged self absorption of the at me about a handbag but theatre world and also of young I also wasn’t expecting quite people’s introspection today. “My such remarkable warmth generation was brought up with coupled with a keen sense of a duty of service, which sounds curiosity. As soon as we meet, awfully pretentious I know. But she enquires; what do I want the thing that worries me about to do after I leave Cambridge? now is that people don’t seem to Am I enjoying my time here? be aware of their fellow human “The wonderful thing about get- beings. Young people – it’s not ting older is that you can ask questions – you’re not afraid of it anymore” she chuckles. “ e wonderful In a way, she is the perfect interviewee; after a question, thing about my she would roll off eloquently at length on any number of sub- profession is that jects, and it’s easy to see how audiences have been spellbound it’s asexual and not by her soliloquies on stage. As a young actress, Keith ageist. you’re all joined the Royal Shakespeare Company in its golden age in in the same boat the 1960s, having frequently watched Olivier, Gielgud and together, and you Ashcroft tread the boards. Did she always want to act? “Abso- have to have a very lutely. It never ever crossed my mind that I wanted to be some- open mind” thing else.” After having what she describes as a “bog standard education” she, like the rest of your fault really, it’s the culture her generation, made her career – are not encouraged to think choice early. about others.” I agree nerv- “Everyone knew what they ously, nodding fervently as she wanted to do because that was lets rip on the insensitivity of what was expected – it’s different Cambridge cyclists. But, I ask, for you nowadays, but then the should theatre be important to choices for women were secre- young people? What can we do to tary, teacher, nurse. Stewardess- encourage greater attendance? es and actresses were the glam- Keith has played some of the most memorable comedic parts of her generation ELIE YOO Theatre is hardly at the forefront orous professions.” The daunting of students’ minds today. precision with which she speaks of her generation tackling Noel out. In the 50s and 60s there or for worse? She pronounces As well as being a fi erce means she probably would have Coward, who some view as old was lots of light comedies which her judgement on the predica- proponent of making theatre made a formidable stewardess, hat. The wonderful thing about people pooh-pooh now – but if ment of aspiring young actors cheaper (to the anger of many but her talent for long vowels my profession is that it’s asexual you can play light comedy you thoughtfully; “I’m not sure I an accountant, she gleefully has instead been channelled into and not ageist. You’re all in the can play anything. The joy of would recommend it to actors adds); the immediacy of theatre, some of the most memorable boat together, and to be an actor playing comedy is that old cliché: now. It’s never been a secure as opposed to fi lms and televi- comedic parts for women of her you have to have a very open every audience is different. With profession, but there used to be sion can “speak to people in all generation – namely as Margo mind, no preconceptions. We a comedy it’s always a surprise a sort of pattern – you knew you sorts of different ways. I’ve been in The Good Life, and Audrey in laughed a lot together.” – each night you can learn differ- could learn your craft by going a part of the Crime Diversion To the Manor Born (a surprise Indeed, it is for comedy that ent ways of expressing a single to a repertory company. Peo- Scheme, where men volunteer BBC hit whose one-off episode Keith is most famous and two of line. I fi nd audiences totally ab- ple now get funnelled into one and take part with young of- with Keith will be aired this the role models she cites are leg- sorbing, and I like telling stories, area – soap or the RSC – and fenders to tell their stories. It’s Christmas). More recently, she endary actresses Coral Browne which is the actor’s profession.” stay there but my generation of some of the best drama I’ve worked with rising director Thea and Irene Worth – little known Keith looks back fondly on the actors did everything, which was ever seen in my life.” As we end Sharrock (the woman who per- by our generation, perhaps, camaraderie of the old days of marvellous.” Experience on the the interview, she comments “I suaded Daniel Radcliffe to take but two of the most respected terrible digs, spear carrying at job is something she views as suppose we must keep quoting his clothes off in Equus this year) women in theatre, particularly the RSC, watching every play key; acting is ‘a craft more than Donne. No man is an island – in Blithe Spirit. comedy. What is it about comedy that was on in London for a few an art, and crafts you learn by we forget that, it’s not quoted What was it like working with that brings out the best in an shillings while she worked in doing. You learn a lot by doing very much these days. We are a director at the forefront of a actress? “I stick by the old saying the evenings at the Hyde Park it with greater experience.’ She all becoming little islands. You new generation? “Marvellous! that you can fool the town with Hotel to fund it all - but has also laments that nowadays can change it,” she says to me It was amazing to see someone tragedy but comedy will fi nd you the scene changed for better “being famous is a priority, with an enigmatic smile. Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 25

Restaurant Review Best of the Rest Tom Evans Le Gros Varsity goes continental and checks out the pick of European music Franck

rance has given us some truly great the city of vaudeville and arrondissements, musicians; Serge Gainsbourg (and even and though Parisian by birth manages to ★★★★★ Fthe Vatican had something to say about Je produce some of the best ‘world’ music in t’aime...moi non plus, a single infused with as many languages as you can shake a What happy men Asterix and overt sexuality), the ‘Sparrow,’ stick at, including Arabic and Gali- Obelix are. They have the Edith Piaf, and Plastic cian. And these talented Gauls Romans on their doorstep, Bertand (although, tech- don’t stop there, as MC Solaar one of them is congenitally obese and the other has the nically he’s Belgian, and Saian Supa Crew hold worst facial hair arrangement but let’s overlook the torch for rap and hip since an ex-teacher of mine that for now since hop, mixed in with a dash called Mrs MacUmberenga. he does sing in of dance hall and But they still maintain a ro- French). You reggae. Eccentric bust British sense of humour probably haven’t isn’t even the about the whole affair. Re- heard of Phoenix, word, but they member that time when they but you’ll almost are immensely popular went to Egypt? When they certainly have throughout all francoph- went to Rome? What wouldn’t heard their music. one countries and even they do? At the start of every If you’ve seen The beyond, as MC Solaar Asterix and Obelix book there Virgin Suicides, supported De La Soul, is a hand with a magnifying Shallow Hal or Lost collaborated as a guest rap- glass over Brittany, magnify- in Translation the per on a Missy Elliot track, ing the tiny corner holding dulcet tones of Thomas and recorded with members of out against the occupation Mars will have enveloped Gangstarr. But currently leading and showing the Roman camp you in your state of ignorant the invasion (it’s 1066 all over again) and the Gaulish village. This bliss. Unlike Air and Daft Punk (who are are the Teenagers, a trio of French fops ranks with ATMs among undeniably brilliant, of course), they’ve who think nothing of casually inserting childhood head-fucks. I said the following loudly to a moved away from the electro scene and what is probably the most taboo language friend at primary school: towards the alternative rock. But this throughout their single Homecoming. But “Who is the hand with the isn’t all France has to offer. Manu Chao, that’s ok, because a) they’re French and b) magnifying glass and why soundtrack to pretty much any student they’re typically blasé about, well, every- is he looking over Asterix who has taken a gap year, also hails from thing. Vive la France. Verity Simpson and Obelix’s town?! Go away hand! If you stay there for candinavian music has moved on from say music) and Peter, Bjorn and John, whose long enough the sun will go the three As – Abba, A-Ha and Aqua – ‘Young Folks’ has been hanging around the through the magnifying glass Swho blighted its reputation in successive mainstream for a year but who could be far and burn Asterix and Obelix generations. The turn of the decade saw more than one-hit wonders. The more like it burns ants! Is the hand an unexpected garage-rock revival, eccentric side of Scandinavian really big? Is it God’s hand with bands such as Turbonegro, music is most easily found in and God’s magnifying glass!? a faux-gay death-metal-pop Iceland, which has produced Or just my dad’s, because collective whose signature both Björk – arguably my dad is huge and he has a tune I Got Erection spawned insane, and all the better magnifying glass? What, is a literal army of devoted for it – and Sigur Rós, there a magnifying glass over followers, the Turbojü- whose biggest album so me too? Is that why I have gend; girl group Sahara far was simply entitled chicken pox? Is that why it Hotnights; and a host ( ). The latter are one of hurts when I’m peeling an or- ange and a bit of orange goes of somewhat derivative the few bands to sing in my eye? Is that why I have shouty bands such as in their own language three verucas and Emma has Gluecifer, the Hellacopters rather than in English; lice? Is what Emma’s mum [sic] and The Soundtrack another are the really said about people with clean Of Our Lives. This tradition rather wonderful Dungen, hair getting lice true or was has faded, but lives on in such whose lyrics in Swedish she just trying to defend bands as the (once seminal, now have such an aural resonance Emma? Or are Asterix and very much not, but still surprisingly that the English listener feels he Obelix just really small? In good) Hives and the wonderfully pun- can understand every word. Scandi- which case how can Obelix some Danish duo the Raveonettes. Another navian music has passed its peak of a few be fat if he is small? So what, Danish duo, Junior Senior, had a massive hit years ago, but there is still treasure to be are they all just babies pre- a few years ago with Move Your Feet, and found. Just don’t mention ‘Dancing Queen’. tending to be French because their strain of Scandi-pop is echoed by bands Hugo Gye the only small people are ba- such as the Concretes (blissfully chilled es- bies? And what about Getafi x the Druid?” n dance music, where confusing genres to ridiculous lengths, with Villalobos’s 2006 The questions singed my abound, German techno’s dominant forms release, Fizheuer Zieheuer stretching over brain. I now know that Borges Ican be diffi cult to distinguish. ‘Minimal’ is 37 minutes. Two recent albums on Berlin added the page for a giggle. It the tag most frequently used, and although labels, Isolée’s ‘We Are Monster’ and Booka still scratches my geish every time I take a peek. Nowadays it’s become a blanket term, it Shade’s Movements, won widespread ac- copies of Asterix and Obelix can still be identifi ed by claim, and contributed to the genre’s are harder to come across. its sparse synths and growing popularity. So is it with French restau- stuttering beats. It’s Cologne, home to the Kompakt rants in this town. Le Gros a sound that domi- label, has brought melancholy Franck prides itself as the nates German clubs, (and the indie kids) to the only authentic French restau- with Berlin and dancefl oor. Its trademark rant in Cambridge, and the Cologne its centres, tracks, like Jurgen Paape’s So exquisite Camembert au four Ricardo Villalobos Weit Wie Noch Nie belong to starter inclined us to agree. and Ellen Allien the genre known as ‘micro- The stuffed aubergine may its king and queen. house’. Incorporating vocals have worked better had the Relaxed licensing and organic samples, they aubergine been done a little laws let Berlin clubs build up to a wistful euphoria, dryer or the mozzarella added play on until past and work well for home lis- a little later, but I enjoyed it sunrise; the decadent tening. This year the label has in a sloppy sort of way. The Berghain, an enormous released excellent albums by the lamb shank was the fi nest converted power plant, Field, a Swedish producer, and the in Cambridge so far. Though is techno’s world epicentre. Brazilian Gui Boratto, suggesting that we weren’t introduced to the With leading labels like Playhouse techno’s reach is spreading. Swiss labels are eponymous and self-deprecat- ing Franck, he has had this and BPitch Control, much of the techno receiving a lot of attention, and Villalobos restaurant for seven years coming out of Berlin is dark, repetitive, and believes that Romania will be a new techno and will doubtless hold out bassy; a recent trend, linked to growing powerhouse. But for now, at least, Germany for many more. Go and try ketamine consumption, is to extend tracks remains its home. Daniel Cohen the Christmas Menu. Arts Editor: George Grist Friday November 16 2007 26 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts Me, Myself and I Lowri Jenkins looks at some of the most notorious cultural icons of modern culture and explores the diff erence between the presented image of the artist and the reality that often belies it. Does this skewed celebrity mean we’re worshipping false idols?

alt Whitman, godfather of all her talk of keeping it ‘real’, as Emin’s ‘My Bed’ are searing (not wholly related to your American poetry, writes a shameless self-publicist. examples of the utter schism work) can do wonders for your Win the infamous opening lines However removed she may be “While having in the boundaries between life commercial success, it can of ‘Song of Myself’: I celebrate from Whitman, her work could and art. It is an honest, brutal nevertheless have a damning myself and sing myself / And quite easily be seen as a song ‘celebrity’ status and unfl inching case of self- effect on perceptions of the what I assume you shall as- of herself. Emin is a prime examination, and a critique of work itself. This is nowhere sume / For every atom belong- example of repulsive self- can do wonders for the disposability of modern life more obvious than in the case ing to me as good belongs to centred art: art which is only ironically made permanent or of some of the twentieth cen- you. made acceptable, or discern- your commercial time-worthy simply by be- tury’s greatest cult icons, who Written in 1855, this is Whit- ible from pretentious wankery, ing put in a gallery. I actually have not necessarily courted man’s exultant call to poetic by a passing knowledge of the success, it can think it’s just a dirty mess. publicity to Emin’s extent, but arms. His self-celebration is person who made it. Most peo- Emin sells on the strength of have nevertheless become vic- not narcissistic but national- ple know her as the ‘bad girl’ nevertheless have her branded persona, and little tims of a culture which blurs istic, one which creates and who gets wasted and swears on else; her celebrity is a conven- the line between the persona appreciates a vision of new national television: her skewed a damning eff ect ient disguise for the emptiness represented in art and the art- America. celebrity precedes her work. of her creations. ist in real life in order to make I wonder what those lines If we were to take the on perceptions of This slide between social an image sell. might mean if I applied them pretentious-wankery side of celebrity and artistic persona Case in point: prose ‘maver- to Tracey Emin, queen of YBAs things, the Charles Saatchi the work itself. ” balances a diffi cult see-saw. ick’ Jack Kerouac. His second (Young British Artists) and, for route if you will, pieces such While having ‘celebrity’ status novel, On The Road, precedes Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 27

his reputation, to the point of cared to defi ne, but everyone didn’t bring ‘real-life’ into art, motor journalism (does mo- quick to market: the sickly child the art defi ning the man. It thought was cool. but injected a warped artifi - tor journalism actually have whose Byzantine Rite Catholi- focuses on the angelic, unstop- Gilbert Millerstein’s 1957 ciality into real-life, where a precepts?) just don’t apply. cism informs the iconographic pable, effervescent Dean Mori- critique, published in the New fairly run-of-the-mill journalistic Top Gear may be pretty sexy nature of his art as much as ‘pop arty, a Denver wildchild greedy York Times, called the novel report could become an epic, to some, but it doesn’t usually culture’ does. One thing that and fascinated by the America “the most beautifully execut- involve any of its participants Warhol understood was that around him, watched through ed, the clearest and most sitting in a bar in a Vegas packaging yourself in the right the eyes of Sal Paradise, who important utterance yet casino so fucked on acid that way meant artistic survival. It’s records their misadventures. made by the genera- they think they’re surrounded something that Emin probably Sal is our Kerouac; Dean was tion Kerouac himself by blood-sucking reptiles. understands too; in the music based on Neal Cassady, a close named years ago as Thompson fl agrantly industry, one need only look at member of Kerouac’s group, ‘beat’ and whose cultivated the wild repu- Madonna or David Bowie to and the man to whom Allen principal avatar tation that his alter ego Ginsberg dedicated his equally he is”. All of a bestowed upon him, seminal and controversial long sudden, this to the point where it poem Howl. sheepish son was unclear who he “In response to the The veil, however thin, be- of Quebecan would wake up as in tween these literary personas immigrants, the morning. And for commodifi cation who lived most people of our with his generation, it’s hard of culture, artists “Top Gear may mom, read to picture exactly who comic books Hunter S. Thomp- begin to sell be pretty sexy and drank son might be without too much beer, Raoul Duke getting in themselves.” to some, but it was trans- the way. formed into a In a world now fas- doesn’t usually dope-smoking, cinated by the cult of see quite how profoundly that jazz-worshipping celebrity, where people are mantra can be taken. involve any of prophet for an Kerouac: not as hip as Moriarty famous for doing nothing at Cult characters like Thomp- America still naïve all (Peaches Geldof, I’m look- son and Warhol shouldn’t be its participants enough to believe in its ing at you – a documentary judged simply on their cool own potential glory. about how the hijab is ‘a good factor. The fact that they are sitting in a bar in This fairly simplistic mis- look’ doth not an artist make), says more about us than it direction still works today: it’s easier to package if we can does about them. We have a Vegas casino so mention the ‘Beat’ Generation, drug-hazy headfuck. Whereas confl ate the gap between artist a consumer culture where or On the Road, and the general Kerouac might have been given and fi ctional persona. It’s more art itself is little more than fucked on acid that response involves drugs/drink/ his Beat mantle by the media, fun to see Thompson as Duke, another product, each with its getting laid. It’s not that Ker- Thompson was the media: he just as it’s more fun to see Ker- own special label. Most of the they think they’re ouac’s work doesn’t cover this wasn’t a “novelist”, but (suppos- ouac as Sal Paradise. artists I’ve talked about are – it would be a hell of a lot less edly) a journalist. Yet this often has its disad- attached to their own labelled surrounded by readable (and about 80% short- It was through his work rid- vantages. The confl ation of art- “movements”: Kerouac means er) if it didn’t – but that the ing with the Hell’s Angels in ist and fi ctional persona may be the Beats, Warhol means Pop blood-sucking bizarre aura of cool which sur- the late 60s, and the bizarre a brilliant commercial tool, but Art, Thompson means Gonzo. rounds his work is misleading string of events which led to – as we have seen with Kerouac Just as these movements have reptiles. ” and doesn’t help very much in Fear and Loathing in Las Ve- – it is a very diffi cult critical become brands, so too their understanding it. It just helped gas that Thompson developed one. Let’s take the emperor of propagators have become their sell a lot of books, and has put the idea of Gonzo journalism, commercialism and art, Andy greatest advertisements. And and the people behind them the notorious image of Jack which threw objectivity to the Warhol. It’s much easier to go in response to this commodifi - seems to be largely ignored. and Neal, nonchalantly leaning wind and insisted on plunging along with the images of the cation of culture, artists begin Kerouac blended excited im- against a wall, on bedroom and the reporter into the centre of white-haired man-boy sipping to sell themselves. The key is aginings with transcripts from café walls everywhere. every story. cocktails at Studio 54 or stand- that they very seldom have tape recordings of conversa- It is because of this market- In Fear and Loathing, ing next to Edie Sedgwick all in control over what ‘self’ it is tions with his close friends and able ‘cool’ factor that we often Thompson uses Raoul Duke black at New York loft apart- that gets put on the market. found the (semi)-fi ctionalised forget to think of these people (his alter ego) and his ‘at- ments. It goes along with an Roland Barthes writes that, in nature of his art was suddenly as artists, or serious innovators: torney’, a 300-pound Samoan image of the artist that makes committing a work to paper, reversed and projected onto they simply become personali- called Dr Gonzo, to transform him sellable (something Warhol the creator loses control over critic’s ideas of the artist. Road ties. Ironically, on the fl uid mar- what should have been a himself would have loved), part its reception: the consumer- broke into the mainstream ket of exchange that is modern 400-word summation of some of a brand along with his silk reader suddenly has all the thanks in no small part to one culture, it works the other way: crazy car race in the Nevada screens of celebrities he adored. power, and this includes not review which championed Ker- personalities suddenly become desert into one of the biggest Less sellable is the Andy only the work of art, but it ouac as the king of an elusive artists. In the writer Hunter S. cult novels of the twentieth Warhol that neither the art- would seem, the very identity ‘beat’ movement which no one Thompson we see someone who century. The precepts of ist, nor consumer culture, were of the artist itself. CHAR TYSON Arts Editor: George Grist Friday November 16 2007 28 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts The Creation of Adam George Grist catches up with Adam Buxton, fi lm-maker, radio presenter and co-creator of the cult Adam and Joe Show, to discuss why he hates Beowulf (unless it’s in CGI), chilling with Radiohead and how he’s planning to trump YouTube with MeeBox

thought he was a stupid (Beowulf, naturally) at Warwick: twat. He thought I was “We had to write an essay and thick, which I was a little the only thing I could think of “Ibit, and I thought he was a su- to draw a comparison with was percilious ponce.” Adam Buxton Withnail and I. The tutor held me is disarmingly nice, and even his back and said she wanted to talk seemingly bitter diatribe against to me about the essay. I genuinely schoolmate Giles Coren underlies thought she was going to say, ‘I his actual affection. “But every- didn’t want to embarrass you but one was horrible to each other in it’s the best essay I’ve read for those days – that’s what it’s like years.’ But instead she said, ‘are when you’re at school. When the you upset with me? This is just girls arrived, it all sorted every- an insult, it’s dreadful – I want thing out, and everyone became you to rewrite it or you’ll fail the more civilised. But Louis [Ther- course.’ At that point I thought, oux, another contemporary] was ‘well you can fuck off then. I hate always very civilised.” this course.’” Buxton subsequently headed Being seen as part of an estab- lished double act with Cornish must have taken its toll, and I ask whether everything was “We had to write always shipshape behind the cameras and the microphones. an essay and the “We were always productive and carefree at school. But friendly only thing I could competitiveness can turn fraught quite quickly. We made the show think of to draw a almost entirely ourselves. To get things done we’d split up into two comparison with groups - well, two groups of one. We were very competitive and was Withnail and I” insecure about what the other was doing. Joe would come back with something brilliant and I’d up to Warwick University for think fuck, I’ve really got to up a term to study American and my game here.” Their relation- English literature. “I thought it ship has stood the test of time, was going to be lots of beat poets however; they were recently com- and exciting fun, modern Ameri- missioned for a long Saturday can stuff, but we didn’t see any morning stint at BBC6. of that in the fi rst term. It was Given the freeform nature of all Beowulf, but not exciting CGI some of their phone-ins and con- Beowulf with Angelina Jolie’s tent (Text the Nation and Song knockers, it was just boring Wars, an epic nonsense jingle Beowulf. I hated it.” He dropped face-off), does the latest BBC out and went to study sculpture phone-in scandal limit their out- at Cheltenham College of Art, put? “The BBC’s going through beofre reuniting with school- a little brainfart at the moment. mate Joe Cornish to create the They’ve just become very para- Adam and Joe Show. The seminal noid, but who gives a fuck? It’s programme, a razor sharp yet ludicrous. The BBC have the best pleasingly fl uffy pop-culture pis- intentions and they want people stake, with victims as diverse as to be happy. We’re not given total Changing Rooms and Star Wars, control but music-wise there’s ran for four series, and Buxton’s more fl exibility, more of an eclec- comedy leanings were clearly tic remit than we’ve had in the shining through from much past. There’s not much we can’t earlier. He recalls his fi nal essay say, as long as we don’t swear or Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 29

talk about anal sex.” ton found them. “They are down As well as his radio, Buxton to earth actually, very normal, has had roles in the highlyHot polite and reserved. But on the Fuzz and Stardust, two highly- other hand suddenly they’ll start Dir: Robert Redford acclaimed offerings, both with playing and you’ll think, ‘oh, Lions for Lambs a more-than-distinct nod to right, this is what it’s all about.’ British comedy. The Heat reader And then Thom starts singing in me wants to know the dirty and it’s amazing and suddenly celebrity goss, but Buxton typi- they’re on a different plain, no Film cally and affably tells both sides longer just people to chat with. ★★★★★ of the story. “Rupert Everett They’re incredibly talented.” started out being unpleasant Buxton’s talents extend to and rude. He had a hard time stand-up character comedy, and It takes a special brand of ar- in our scenes [they both played earlier this year he performed rogance for Hollywood to believe ghosts alongside David Wal- at London’s 100 Club in a gig that they can defeat the evils liams, Julian Rhind-Tutt and hosted by David Cross, Arrested of the modern world with fi lms Mark Heap] because he took so Development’s Tobias Fünke. about war, of corrupt oil-monger- long to get made up every day. “It doesn’t come naturally,” he ing, and all that Michael Moore I felt sorry for him. But by the explains, “and I have to force peddles. We’ve seen the same old myself to do it. It’s unpleasant, stories again and again about the really, for most of the time. You same old issues, repeated to such come off stage and don’t really an extent that such appeals have “You come off like yourself. You think, ‘Wow, lost any kind of real impact. I’m a dick. Why did I do that?’ Robert Redford’s latest directo- stage and don’t But the 100 Club was one of the rial offering, Lions for Lambs, times I really loved it. Nights like centres around a new initiative in really like yourself. that are what you hang out for.” Afghanistan, brainchild of ambi- promising political careers, wait- he lends a cynical perspective to So what’s next? I can’t help tiously optimistic republican sen- ing for rescue to come. Although current events and government You think, ‘Wow, but ask if there’s a chance of an ator Jasper Irving (Tom Cruise), there is the constant promise of that most students will probably Adam and Joe TV reappearance, and the subsequent cost of that action, particularly in this last share. I’m a dick. Why but Buxton is equivocal. “There’s confl ict when two ex-students of plot-line, the fi lm boils down to Yet the question an audience is such a huge number of different politics professor Stephen Malley people talking about people – any faced with is whether or not this did I do that?’” pressures when you’re doing a (Robert Redford) are shot down actual events therein are mere is really what they are looking TV show. And it’d seem like a behind enemy lines. set-pieces to demonstrate points for in a movie – whether this throwback; people would think Over the course of an hour in of an argument. meditation on modern warfare end of the week he was really they’d have seen it all before, and fi lm-time, the audience is then Tom Cruise is utterly convinc- and politics is really necessary or cool and very interesting to talk in a way they would have done. treated to three conversations ing and beguiling as a senator even entertaining to any degree. to - he’s one of those people you But we’d like to do it, and if we attempting to explore relevant with more supposed power than Cinema is a spectacle, one that need to settle in with a bit. Rec- got a call tomorrow asking us to debates at the heart of modern the Secretary of Defence, and on can invoke a wide range of emo- ollecting the legendary Adam do some new Adam and Joe telly society – of how an individual the whole he walks a tightrope tions throughout its course, but and Joe Robert De Niro Calypso stuff, we would, even though could or should serve the people, well in what could have been what do we get here? Audiences video, I optimistically wondered we’re pretty old and yucky look- the nature of a just war, and of a very one-note performance. that go to see Lions for Lambs, whether Buxton might have ing now. It’s hard enough for me responsibility. It is like screen- Sadly, the same cannot be said unless grossly misinformed, encountered his co-star and seeing my stupid face on the TV writer Matthew Carnahan (The of Meryl Streep, whose aver- would know that it was a political discussed its merits. “I didn’t for the MeeBox thing. Would we Kingdom) ripped a page out of age performance would, for any fi lm – and most audiences going meet him unfortunately; all my still be sat on a bed? I wouldn’t Plato and rewrote it to exude other actor, be the highlight of to see such a fi lm would prob- scenes were with the ghosts. I want us to be behind a desk or from the mouths of the men and their careers. Her role alongside ably have at least a rudimentary don’t suppose he would have something like that.” women of today. Professor Malley Cruise as a conscience-stricken understanding of the issues at been very effusive. The point of By MeeBox, he refers to his meets with his disillusioned yet journalist never allows her to hand. There is little beyond such De Niro is that he’s got a fi nely nearly-completed pilot for the promising student Todd Hayes show any depth beyond acting as an understanding here. honed skill, he’s a craftsman – BBC incorporating live ac- (Andrew Garfi eld) to try and a microphone for the presumed It boils down to six people you wouldn’t necessarily want to tion sketches (some based on raise him from his apathy; jaded doubts of a nation. talking for an hour and a half. hang out with the guy.” his stand up characters) with journalist Janine Roth (Meryl As a metaphor for all the dead Never will many audiences have Recently, Buxton helped youtube-esque videos. Some Streep) meets with the senator and dying in the Middle Eastern seen such a star-studded cast Radiohead record a series of will feature his legendary char- whose career she helped create, confl ict, the vulnerability of Luke featured in such a tame plot, videocasts to celebrate the acter Ken Korda, an absurdly only to be struck by conscience and Pena seems force fed down and if there is any spirit of a release of their new album In ignorant media fi gure whose over the direction the war is the throats of viewers. The most “lion” in this fi lm, then it is most Rainbows. “I got to know them interviews with ‘personalities’ headed; and injured soldiers Ar- promising performance of the certainly caged – and all we are through Travis [the band]. When such as Pat Sharp and Handy ian Finch (Derek Luke) and Todd production arrives with British left with is a fi lm that asks a lot we were doing the Adam and Joe Andy parodied the grave style Hayes (Michael Pena) attempt newcomer Andrew Garfi eld as an of vague questions. Show, we bumped into them and of the South Bank Show. The to make a stand in the midst of apathetic student. In a decep- Greg Buchanan became friends. They were being actual pilot will be screened fl ashbacks to their previously tively nuanced piece of acting, produced at the time by Nigel sometime early next year, and Godrich, who now produces Ra- based on the calibre of Bux- diohead.” For a band with such ton’s work so far I’d be sur- an ethereal, untouchable quality, prised if it didn’t propel Buxton I’m intrigued to know how Bux- to much bigger things. Sons and Daughters e Best of Buxton e Barfl y YouTube favourites Live Review ★★★★★ You Say We Pay: A “mashed’ caller dials up for The Victorian English Gentle- accent and high pitched yelps looking almost brain dead as Richard and Judy’s popular day- mans Club [sic] were the sup- were cringe worthy. they stared into space. time cash prize quiz. “It’s a falcon, port at the new Barfl y, posing To play the kind of edgy, Each song was interspersed Richard.” as an exciting new take on post scratchy punk that this band so with lengthy periods of what they punk - how many of those have badly wanted to you have to put joked was ‘crap chat’ while the we seen in the last few years? some kind of energy and excite- guitarist re-tuned his precious – with the right guitars and ment into your playing, and no, instrument ready for the next haircuts and all. Their bassist holding your guitar at right an- chord sequence. Ken Korda’s Funny Factory: provided a half-arsed Slits pas- gles to your chest and from time Perhaps in an attempt to “Media twat” Ken Korda takes a tour tiche, while the drummer tried to time stamping your feet out of confuse us all that their mu- of the BBC centre. “I can often stare as best she could to give some time does not count. sic was not actually as dingy for hours at the wonderful weather energy to her lacklustre band Sons and Daughters soon as it seemed, the band wore presenters and their unusually white mates, beating out a few twitchy came on to slight cheers from sparkling outfi ts (except for teeth.” and tense rhythms. the middle aged faithful, clutch- the confused drummer who Unfortunately, their singer ing their beers at the back. The was in breeches) as they fol- looked like Boris Johnson who Glaswegian four-piece launched lowed through a handful of had followed the sign to the Gen- into their slightly over driven well-rehearsed rock gestures The Footie Song: tlemans Club, noticed the gram- and sped up rock act, each song and contorted their faces for the Adam and Joe’s take on the fan sin- matical mistake with an annoy- with four straight chords, token high parts which they never re- galong. “G-L-E-N-H-O-D-D-L-E-I-S- ing chuckle, only to discover that gesture choruses - often sung ally could reach. Never mind; at H-A-V-I-N-G-A-G-O-A-L Glen Hoddle the other members of the band dreadfully out of tune - about least the Barfl y played a really is having a goal!” wanted him to pretend he was in some form of ‘hurt’ or ‘guilt good sequence of sixties psyche- Sonic Youth and slip into a tight complex’, while their rhythm delic stuff in between the bands. black t-shirt. His faux American section trudged through, both Tom Hamilton Arts Editor: George Grist Friday November 16 2007 30 REVIEW [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts

Friedrich Dürrenmatt’s The were hamming their lines to what confusing inconsistency Visit is a tragi-comedy that play for cheap laughs: this is was problematic. And: Ver- The Visit sets justice against revenge; a subtle play, and understate- fremdungseffekt by all means, view moral integrity versus the ment might have been more but not because actors keep from the gods ADC corruptive allure of money. It effective than overacting. peering out of the wings. is a darkly humorous explo- Some directorial decisions Despite this, some of the ration of how the destitute were slightly bewildering too: acting was impressive. Ben might behave when bribed it was unclear, for example, Hayward stood out with a by their impoverished town’s what the addition of ballet subtle and brilliantly paced most prosperous alumnus: an dancers during scene breaks, performance of the Mayor; old lady, the wealthiest in the or char- acters Celeste Dring, Robyn Hoede- world, whose offer proves ir- maker and Robert Craig were resistibly seductive. also convincing. It was unfor- James Lewis and Lauren tunate that the grotesque Cooney’s production as the old woman was played by ADC Freshers’ Mainshow a girl far too delicate A play with far too many was visually striking, and ‘pretty’ to be either exclamation marks in its blurb carefully choreographed suitably horrifying or is always a bad sign, and this and certainly compe- plausibly aged. coming week’s theatre seems tent. However, whilst This was not her to be leaning towards the this is unquestion- fault of course, over-enthusiastic. That may ably a play that is and Roisin Kiberd be a stupid thing to say about at times surreal, surely captured theatre, which is by nature en- sometimes almost a certain languid ergetic and, judging by Samuel ridiculous, it is not malice, but an Becket’s wrinkles, pretty stress- just a comedy and at odd casting deci- ful. But Week Seven is threat- times it felt that this sion nonetheless. ening to turn out like one of production simplisti- Some of the play’s those girls that use emoticons cally ignored the play’s more surreal mo- on MSN to talk about lip gloss tragic notes in favour of ments were beauti- or guinea pigs. exaggerating the com- fully achieved too: the RICHARD GARDNER Having said that, Ibsen’s edy into something often transformation of people monolithic shadow will be cast resembling slapstick. into trees and a deer, for over Cambridge, as A Doll’s Particularly in the fi rst example, was graceful and House and Peer Gynt resur- act, the characters were stiffl y effective. face uncannily on the Cam- Dir: James Lewis arranged into caricatured tab- This production is not the bridge drama scene, whilst and Lauren Cooney leaux-vivants, with overstated sitting most sophisticated, but it is Moliere’s more sophisticated physicality and a tendency on invisible chairs, was really entertaining, exciting and brand of comedy lurks on the to deliver too many lines to meant to add to the produc- sometimes very funny: it is a outskirts, showing at Homer- the audience (or to the ceiling tion. Similarly incongruous classic play and this is a com- ton Auditorium. above them) rather than to were the abrupt music changes mited cast. Certainly not an Apart from the bid from Theatre each other. It was also a shame and occasional frenzied Ger- evening wasted. ‘I Scream... Scoop!’, which ★★★★★ when it seemed that some man interludes. This some- Alex Reza is vying with Fame for the most-obnoxiously-punctuated- play award (2007), one only hopes that the title bears some Accepting the responsibility for ducing Othello to its essentials, ments of his character, reduc- thematic signifi cance, thereby performing Shakespeare one became a rather forgotten and ing the master Machiavellian managing to transcend the will either be re-igniting an inadequate backdrop to events, schemer into a rather irritating Othello dreariness of the central pun. audience’s passion for the Bard’s compounding the earnest trickster. Both Anna Hobbiss Despite the promise of some of drama, or plunging them into tone which stifl ed the exciting and Imogen Begg struggled to Corpus the ideas in the blurb, the nine fl ashbacks of adolescent strut- variety that the play should establish convincing relation- exclamation marks (which I’m ting and stammering. Deciding promise. The Corpus Playroom ships with their prospective Playroom told to take as ironic) belie a upon Othello is not a decision is an unappealing venue for the partners, and though clearly certain lack of humorousness. that should be taken lightly. majority of shows, against which strong actors, were diluted by To demonstrate this, I will This performance fi ltered the unfortunately blocked actors their spread of parts. make a joke (at some point) down the cast and was set to were fi ghting or fumbling. Thus Much of the performance was with an exclamation mark. a bitter black-and-white mini- staging and blocking seemed not a perfectly adequate enactment As far as insider informa- mum. Initially the use of masks careful but rather too casual. of the play, but given the endless tion is concerned, the uglier of provided an effective method Ollie Evans as Othello com- proliferation of Shakespeare the two ugly sisters tells me of racial distinction, yet one promised his vocal sincerity performances a director needs “I think it will be very very felt that the potential symbol- and charisma with a suffocated to justify the decision to choose good”. This exciting news will ism could have been explored physicality that sometimes so popular a tragedy as Othello Dir: Ian Burrows no doubt stimulate a mass- further, or perhaps have helped veered towards parody. His foil beyond mere enjoyment of the stampede for the ADC box- clarify the somewhat cloudy of Iago (James Morris), whilst play. Whilst the play itself may offi ce. I will not talk of Fame! doubling. Similarly the mono- demonstrating a crafty control leave us with a gagging sense of Theatre The Musical, that staunch chrome domestic-lamp-simplic- of the stage, managed neither violent irresolution, no produc- ★★★★★ resident of the View from the ity of the stage, rather than re- the sinister nor the comic ele- tion should. Monty Stagg Gods column, nor of how one of the most beautiful sights was wasted upon it. A rare thing: The After Dinner Joke attempts ble deeds, but fi nds herself disil- Selby’s controversial advertising a full theatre, the audience to provoke the audience into lusioned by the hypocrisy of the scheme was inspired. in expectation of entertain- The After refl ecting upon our approaches business. However, her nervous The central irony, that char- ment not Shakespeare or duty, to charity as the season of good- breakdown is scattered across ity is inseparable from the the words “a great night out” Dinner Joke will approaches. Yet the main the last 15 minutes of the play dirty dealings of political spin, seem more likely to describe question the play had us asking like a handful of dollar notes was well-expressed in the set a Friday night at ‘Vodka Revs’ ADC was why the ADC committee caught in the breeze, making no design – a bold display of red, (the Wetherspoons of the petit chose such a diffi cult play for impact. Monty d’Inverno was the yellow and blue, representing bourgeoisie), than to grace the the Freshers’ Lateshow? highlight of the play as the cyni- the three main political par- theatre section’s disarmingly They made a brave effort with cal and slightly creepy ‘Major’ ties. A sad parade of coloured well-written reviews. thin material. Originally written whose all-absorbing passion in fl ags strewn across the balcony If the Footlights team can’t for television, the play does not life is snakes. With a contortion reminds us that the reality produce a pantomime – a me- translate onto stage entirely of his fabulously expressive eye- of business charity is a world dium which occupies that spot successfully. Caryl Churchill’s brows, he injected some Pytho- away from the innocent village just above Fame! The Musical trademark non-linear narrative nesque humour into Churchill’s fetes we associate with fund- in the relegation zone of the and fragmented plot are intend- peculiar brand of satire. raising and good works. Conference League of artistic ed to make us take a step back The audience was slow to react Churchill’s over-simplifi ed merit – which is passably enter- from the comedy and question to the running joke of the ‘paci- and over-generalised argument, taining, then what chance does why we are laughing. Yet at the fi st’ thief, a modern day Robin together with the play’s awk- anyone else have? A pertinent same time, this style does not Hood who skulked in spotlights ward post-modern structure, way to conclude the unsatisfac- allow for character development and strobe lighting, stealing from explains why The After Dinner tory title, “Once Upon a Time...” or drama. The changes between the rich to give to the poor. The Joke is under-performed. Al- would be “Once Upon a Time Dir: David Ward the multiple scenes were not silent fi lm was an interesting though there are some enjoyable People Enjoyed Theatre!” always smooth and some of the theatrical device, although in moments in this production, it is And there you have it – just shorter sketches fell fl at. trying to be both witty and hard- not quite slick enough to make because you use an exclamation Theatre Anna Maguire was engaging hitting, it was neither. However, this rough patchwork blanket mark, it doesn’t make it a joke ★★★★★ as the sweet Miss Selby, who the use of projections to show more eye-catching. and it certainly doesn’t make it wishes to organise great charita- Russian propaganda and Miss Sophie Sawicka-Sykes funny. Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] REVIEW 31

The new fi lm from Congolese di- of the interaction between this Juju Factory rector Balufu Bakupa-Kanyinda immigrant community and the albums takes place in Matonge Vil- rest of Brussels, and there is every right-minded person lage, an African neighbourhood little of the tension conveyed in should own Burial in Brussels. It follows Kongo Michel Haneke’s Code Unknown. (Dieudonné Kabongo), a writer Interesting parallels with Africa Untrue commissioned to write a travel are hinted at - Desiré brings to guide to the area by his publisher, mind Joseph Desiré Mobutu, the Joseph Desiré – a Congolese dictator of Zaire, particularly in Album man who prefers to identify with his unwillingness to pay Kongo ★★★★★ Belgium, and refuses to share - but the fi lm suffers from being Kongo’s interest in the traumas too heavy-handed. Desiré’s role of Congolese history. As Kongo’s as a traitor is over-stressed, nota- book mutates into a broader bly when he addresses a statue of examination of Africa and co- Leopold II, the notorious colo- Dir: Balufu Bakupa- lonialism, he faces a number of niser of the Congo, as “my lord”. pressures: bailiffs, his adulterous Juju Factory makes a compelling Kanyinda brother and Desiré’s opposition case against ahistoricism, and to the book’s direction. Yet the highlights the lingering traumas I’m Wide Awake, fi lm fails to create any atmos- of colonialism, but it does so at It’s Morning Film phere, or to provide real narra- the expense of characterisation, ★★★★★ tive drive. We get little sense of and a gripping storyline. Bright Eyes what Matonge is really like, nor Daniel Cohen Being allowed to write for a fi ne publication such as this is a “Jay-Z, didn’t he retire?” This punchlines. privilege. Sadly, it is one I have frequently asked question The production thankfully abused. In my pieces I have Burial’s 2006 self-titled debut demonstrates the failure of his looks to The Blueprint, one of Jay-Z sworn, discussed disgusting had to be one of the most emo- previous comeback album, 2006’s Jay’s seminal albums, for inspi- bodily fl uids, and dwelled for tionally moving (electronic) Kingdom Come. It marked his ration. The producers, led by American far too long on my own private instrumental albums ever cre- return from retirement and was Diddy’s Hitmen, mostly shun the proclivities. Now, I break the ated. On listening, you can im- massively anticipated, yet it left synths for 70s inspired instru- Gangster ultimate 21st century taboo: agine yourself walking down very little imprint. For the fi rst mentation. American Dreamin that of absolute sincerity. a puddle-lined alley at a crisp time, he sounded old; he couldn’t features a wonderful Marvin This album moves me more 3am, followed by an incessant translate his business power into Gaye sample; Say Hello has the than any other act of artistic paranoia, ever forcing yourself the swagger that defi ned his best kind of soaring strings found on creation I have encountered. to refrain from looking back. work. Then he saw American Curtis Mayfi eld records. There The band is made up of Conor Throughout the journey across Gangster. Rappers have long are lively tracks, like Success, Oberst, Mike Mogis, Nate the eerie London soundscapes adored gangster mythology, and where Jay trades fi erce verses Walcott, and a host of revolv- Burial sets before us, we are Jay was at the vanguard of ‘ma- with Nas over a blazing organ, ing friends, but it’s Oberst (the never allowed to stray that fi oso rap’ in the 90s. He decided and album standout Roc Boys songwriter and front-man) who extra footstep into the fatal to record a concept album, with (and the Winner is)… is carried makes them what they are. path of the Underground train tracks based on scenes from the along by stunning horns. These He is, quite frankly, one of our going in for late-night repairs; fi lm. Samples of dialogue serve beats give the album a musical greatest living poets, and this we are always cushioned by as interludes, and references are unity that complements its lyri- album is as close to being the warm bass. We always feel made to Frank Lucas, the fi lm’s cal coherence. In a genre where Great American Novel as any- safe. lead character. More importantly, bloated, unfocused albums are thing Norman Mailer or Harper His new outing Untrue is this marks a return to the lyrical the norm, American Gangster is Lee ever wrote. Dylan may a similar affair. We are still territory of Jay’s classic debut, remarkably consistent. It doesn’t have now become some kind of on the same solitary jour- Reasonable Doubt – he’s back match Jay’s past heights, but it’s high-literature critical sacred ney through London but the to bragging about crime, specifi - far better than anyone expected cow, but trust me, Oberst can tempo has picked up now, as cally drug dealing. He’s in fi ne after Kingdom Come. say in a couplet what it took if we now know for sure that form, spinning funny boasts: “I DC Bob a decade to come up with. we are being chased, but by lift weight like I’m using ‘roids.” Every Bright Eyes album has someone who is thankfully It’s strange to hear a man who its breath-taking moments, but about to give up. The reclusive hobnobs with Kofi Annan “toast it’s this one that comes clos- producer (for Burial has yet to to the crime”, but it’s exhilarat- est to perfection, a synthesis of show his face) has laid more ing for him to do it with renewed the political and the personal, reliance on vocal samples to exuberance. His fl ow occasionally the twilight and the sunlight, help us on the way. We have grates – on Party Life and Say embracing a heritage of heart- lost the deathly summoning of Hello he stretches out vowels in felt country music, and making the MC Spaceape and instead a style better suited to Southern Album it resonate with the ennui of the we are hollered at by a chorus rappers. His rapping is, on the ★★★★★ new Lost Generation, aban- of transvestite prostitutes at whole, controlled, and he sounds doned, aimless, but determined- daybreak. playful again, enjoying the fun ly beautiful. The centrepiece of The emotion has reached an that can be had with rhymes and the record, and testament to ethereal level not quite man- Oberst’s power, is Landlocked aged by the debut which was Blues, the kind of song you very much focused at ground DJs are a bit like drummers: they yard to rave-up in the time it hear for the fi rst time and then level. The end result is am- know how to work a beat, but you takes to go to the toilet and back. listen to ten times in a row. “The biguous. Our protagonist, the Krafty Kuts wouldn’t really want to see them After a pretty standard support world’s got me dizzy again – listener, can take two routes strutting in the spotlight. You set, peppered with enough breaks you’d think after 22 years, I’d be home: down one last corrugat- Soul Tree don’t need to watch them ador- and jumped-up hip-hop to keep used to the spin… We made love ed-iron-lined shortcut which ingly, sing a long to every word the over-keen and already-fucked on the living room fl oor, with by this time of the morning or turn them into idols: you just happy, things took off. the noise in the background of a surely will be rid of the push- stick your head down and try and Krafty Kuts brought heavy, televised war”. Every line is ex- ers, or the long but open way keep up with them. heavy beats to the decks and quisite, as fragile and perfect as round the Gas Tower which Like I was saying, apart from sweaty, sweaty people to the a new-born child. I believe that slowly rises with the sun. The maybe Justice’s Xavier and the dancefl oor, and didn’t let up. You true literary genius occurs when choice is yours; be accosted less skinny brother in 2manydjs, know you’re having a good night a writer accepts the two limita- by that desperate junkie who DJs aren’t really coverstars. So when the distant squelch of Wa- tions that forbid true transcend- missed out last night because arriving at Soul Tree to fi nd ters of Nazareth is loud enough ence – language, which can only he dropped a 50p and couldn’t that Krafty Kuts looks a lot like to reach the outer reaches of the say so much, and time, that see it no matter how hard he the drummer from Blur is a club when you were thinking of limits all experience. If this is squinted, trip over him, split pleasing confi rmation of my DJ/ having a cheeky cigarette, and so, Oberst has reached painful your skull open and drift to drummer theory. make you turn around complete- genius already: “You’ll be free the heavens; or take the scenic But to be honest, he could have ly sober and run back in to dance. child once you have died, from route, enter the front gate, looked like Animal from the Mup- I might sound pretty excitable, the shackles of language and notice the uncollected black pet Show and I wouldn’t have but compared to half of the crowd measurable time”. bag – they haven’t been yet – noticed, because the moment he in there, this review is playing And if this sounds like surren- fl owerpot rummage, liminal came on the decks, there was no it fairly cool. And all I can say der, it isn’t. For all the darkness, transition, Timberlands off, lapse in the set, which packed is, thank fuck enough of Cam- there is always hope in beauty one fl ight ascension, feel the the Soul Tree and barely let up bridge’s nighttime population has and love. “She took a small sil- central heating, listen to the anytime to catch your breath, let turned away from the Cindies ver reef and pinned it on to me, plumbing accompanied by alone a glimpse of the demure grope-fest to dance like utter and said ‘this one will bring you three sets of snoring/breathing Album man making it happen. twats to quiet men who drop love’. I don’t know if it’s true, and slide onto your bed and ★★★★★ As often with some of the big- unbelievable beats whilst looking but I keep it for good luck.” We fl oat into dream. gest Shut Up And Dance! nights, like indie drummers. don’t need anything else. Andrew Spyrou the club seems to go from grave- Lowri Jenkins Philip Rack Listings Editors: Josh Farrington, Verity Simpson Friday November 16 2007 32 VIEWListings [email protected] varsity.co.uk/listings fi l m theatre music other going out Federico Fellini’s 8 Once Upon a Time... Bonde de Role Psychovertical - An Various College Ents 1/2 The 2007 ADC/ Sat 17 Nov, The Junction, 10.00, Evening with Andy Thurs 22 Nov, Arts Footlights Panto £10 Kirkpatrick We were told by the Fez Picturehouse, 17.00 website that Nick Bridges of Tue 20 Nov - Sat 1 Dec Thur 22 Nov, , Cambridge Bodyrox fame was playing (Except 25th), ADC Theatre, Guildhall, 19.30, £10 - £12 this week, but the fact that his Fellini is a god, and 19.45, £6 - £8 nobody can dispute this. own website says he’s in Rio de Andy Kirkpatrick, one of Janeiro precludes his presence pick So, with this is mind, do One of the highlights of the the country’s most famous go and see his 8 1/2, which in cold Cambridge somewhat. theatrical year fi nally comes mountain climbers, brings So instead, spend Saturday of depicts Guido Anselmi, a into being, as the Footlights’ his gripping-yet-comic tales fi lm director, who is torn evening going to college ents. annual twisted take on the of hanging for dear life off I know Tit Hall has an open in threefold directions, traditional panto brings its a vertical wall of ice to the between his new project, his Viva this week, so maybe mayhem to the ADC. The Cambridge Guildhall. It’s a try it. You’ve probably got a the wife and his mistress (by the past couple of years have one-man show that covers life, way, it’s autobiographical...). better chance of pulling, let’s be seen some of the fi nest dames Taking part in the Junction’s Kill death, chocolate and gravity, honest. Or then again, there is All in all, it will be beautiful, this transvestite-fan has ever from a man described as Peter elegant and self indulgent, Em All club night, the Brazilian Clare Cellars on Friday, with week seen, and hopefully this one party-starters bring gay slang Kay meets Touching the Void. Fat Poppadaddy’s, just watch so everything you could won’t let the side down. It and louche slum posturings to He’s also been described as out for the sweat dripping from expect from an Italian man promises to be a back to basics making Ray Mears look like then. the wilds of Cambridge. Expect the cavernous ceilings. panto experience, but with the sheer day-glo madness. Paris Hilton, which sounds Footlights at the helm... pretty fucking hardcore to me.

friday American Gangster Xerxes Junction Fiver From Reason to Revolution: Friday Fez Vue, 13.40, 17.10, 20.40 Fitzwilliam College The Junction, 18.30, £5 Art and Society in 18th Fez, 22.00-03.30, £5 - £7 Lions for Lambs Auditorium, 19.30 Lucky dip of local acts featuring Century Britain Generator Vue, 18.40, 20.50 The Visit The Running Mayfairs. Fitwilliam Museum, 10.00 - Kambar, 22.00-03.30, £3 Spinal Tap ADC Theatre, 19.45 The Raveonettes 17.00 It’s indie, so expect skinny Arts Picturehouse, 23.10 The After-Dinner Joke Barfl y @ the Graduate, 19.30, jeans galore. ADC Theatre, 19.30 £8.50

saturday The Band’s Visit The Visit Bonde de Role The Gentle Art: Friends and The Indie Thing 16 Arts Picturehouse, 19.10 ADC Theatre, 19.45 The Junction, 22.00, £10 Strangers in Whistler’s Prints Kambar, 22.00-03.30, £2 before Fucking Åmål The After-Dinner Joke Favella funk is so right now. Fitzwilliam Museum, 10.00 - 22.30, £3 with NUS, £5 Old Labs, Newnham Gar- ADC Theatre, 19.30 Look See Proof 17.00 They really vary it at Kambar, dens, 20.00 Good Pill Hunting Barfl y @ The Graduate, 19.30, £5 don’t they? Mumford Theatre, 19.30

sunday Good Luck Chuck Xerxes Good Shoes Private Pleasures: The Sunday Service 17 Vue, 13.00, 15.30, 18.00, 20.30 Fitzwilliam College The Junction, 19.30, £9 Illuminated Manuscripts Club 22, 22.00-03.00, £4 - £5 Brick Lane Auditorium, 19.30 Support from Operator Please from Persia to Paris Cindies is closed, so this is re- Arts Picturehouse, 12.00, and the up-and-coming Ida Fitzwilliam Museum, 10.00 - ally your only option. 16.20, 18.40, 21.00 Maria 17.00

monday Beowulf There’s no business like If music be the food of love, play Michael Wilson, Lyric Fat Poppadaddy’s 18 Vue, 14.50, 17.30, 20.30 showbusiness like no business on. Paintings Fez, 22.00-03.30 £3 - £4 Helvetica I know thank God. Clare Hall, 9.00 - 17.00 Renacimiento Arts Picturehouse, 14.30 After Schubert, Keats, and Soul Tree, free before 23.00, £3 Richard Strauss, apparently. -£4 after 00.00

tuesday 3.10 To Yuma Once Upon a Time... Captain Choi Jin Kayagum The Calling 19 Vue, 14.20 ADC Theatre, 19.45 Barfl y @ The Graduate, 19.00 Clare Hall, 20.30 Kambar, 21.00 - 02.00 £3 - £4 Brick Lane Peer Gynt Recital on a 12-string half- Ebonics Arts Picturehouse, 14.10, Corpus Playrooms, 19.30 tubed zither dating back to Fez, 22.00-03.00, £2 - £4 16.20, 21.00 A Doll’s House the 6th century. Fitzpatrick Hall, Queen’s College, 19.30 wednesday Saw IV Once Upon a Time... New Model Army Beyond Baskets - Weaving Melamondo 20 Vue, 21.35 ADC Theatre, 19.45 The Junction, 19.30, £15 with rush and other garden Fez, 22.00-03.00, free before Artists and Icons Peer Gynt materials 22.00, £3 after 00.00 Arts Picturehouse, 14.30 Corpus Playrooms, 19.30 Botanic Gardens, 10.00 - 16.00, Rumboogie I Scream... Scoop! £85 Ballare, 21.00-02.00, £4 - £5 ADC Theatre, 11.00 That much, and it doesn’t even Punks Jump Up have a loom? Outrageous. Emma Bar, 21.00-12.00, £5 thursday American Gangster Once Upon a Time... The Zico Chain / Cat the Dog Psychovertical - Andrew 21 Vue, 13.40, 17.10, 20.40 ADC Theatre, 19.45 Barfl y @ The Graduate, 19.30, £6 Kirkpatrick Federico Fellini’s 8 1/2 Peer Gynt The Food Fighters Cambridge Guildhall, 19.30, Arts Picturehouse, 17.00 Corpus Playrooms, 19.30 The Junction, 19.00 £10 - £12 I Scream... Scoop! Revelation Rock Gospel ADC Theatre, 11.00 Choir Christmas Concert 22 West Road, 19.30, £4 - £6 cAL dECIDES TO RING HIS eVERYTHING! mY say TUTORIAL ADVISOR... wHAT’S THE GIRLFRIEND’S JUST Episode 7 yOU’VE GOT PROBLEM? DUMPED ME, AND CAM TO FOLLOW i’M IN LOVE WITH YOUR HEART! cAL, THIS ISN’T hELLO, IS THAT MY BEST FRIEND... WORKING. dR aMICUS? i WHO Street REALLY NEED yOU’RE DUMPED. TO TALK TO SOMEONE.

wHAT i NEVER KNEW sURE, cAL- SHOULD ONE-NIGHT COME OVER i DO? cOME TO STANDS WERE LATER. THINK OF IT, i SO MUCH FUN! KNOW HE’S GONE OFF jEN... kIM IS ENJOYING HER ROCK ‘N’ ROLL LIFESTYLE... Edit this.

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Your future in asset management could start on 21 November 2007. We’ll be at the Garden House Hotel from 6.30pm to give a presentation about what we do. We look forward to meeting you there.

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JPMorgan is a marketing name of JPMorgan Chase & Co. and its subsidiaries worldwide. ©2007 JPMorgan Chase & Co. All rights reserved. JPMorgan is an equal opportunities employer. When you get a chance to go exploring, you should

We’re explorers in energy. We look for it in temperatures as low as –58oC and as high as 40oC. We go to depths of 7,000ft and venture distances of 1,100 miles without take it. breaking stride. A career with us can be an adventure. So it makes sense to have a scout around first. We offer internships that last a year (normally in the penultimate year of your degree), and summer internships that range from 8 to 13 weeks and take place in the summer before your final year. Whether your discipline is connected to engineering, science or business, you can expect a structured programme of development, your own mentor and valuable insights into one of the world’s leading energy companies. You won’t just earn a salary – you’ll gain a foothold. A point from which to set off, should you join us after you graduate. And even if you don’t, it’ll be an experience that you can always look back on. Wherever you head to. Look beyond the limits. We’ll be at the Cambridge Internships Event at the University Centre on Friday 30th November, between 1pm-6pm, so come along and talk to us there. BP is an equal opportunity employer.

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Fine Wine Tasting and Wine Auction of bottles donated from the Cambridge College wine cellars 7pm Monday 19th November, Old Library, Emmanuel College Tickets: £10 (£8 for Students) Order tickets by emailing [email protected] Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/sport [email protected] SPORT 37

THE ANORAK Cambridge’s comprehensive fi xtures, tables and results service with Noel Cochrane

Results Lacrosse Tennis Hockey Rugby Union Women’s Blues 10-1 Oxford Men’s Blues 10-0 Oxford Brookes 17/11 Men’s Blues v Ipswich, away. 21/11 Men’s Blues v Steele Bodger Football Women’s II 24-5 Northampton 17/11 Women’s Blues v Tunbridge XV, home, 15:00, Grange Road. Basketball Wells, home. College League 1: Netball Men’s Blues 51-49 Wolverhampton 21/11 Women’s Blues v Nottingham, College League 1: Jesus 2-0 St Catharine’s Women’s Blues 28-25 Oxford Men’s II 64-55 Northampton home, 14:00, Wilberforce Road. 20/11 Magdalene v St John’s, 14:15. Christ’s 1-4 Trinity Women’s II 6-79 Nottingham Trent 21/11 Women’s II v Loughborough 20/11 Downing v Homerton, 14:15. Fitzwilliam 4-2 St John’s Fencing IV, away, 15:30. 20/11 Jesus v Girton, 14:15. Christ’s 2-3 ARU Rugby League Men’s II 128-116 Staffordshire Churchill 2-0 Caius Men’s Blues 66-26 Coventry College League 1: College League 2: St John’s 4-1 Darwin Table Tennis 18/11 Corpus Christs v St Ca- 22/11 Pembroke v Trinity Hall, 14:15. Rugby Union Men’s Blues 10-7 Bath tharine’s, 13:00, Catz Astro. 22/11 St Catharine’s v Trinity, 14:15 P W D L GFGA GD Pts Men’s Blues 26 - Crawshays Welsh Women’s Blues 3-2 Nottingham 18/11 Caius v Cambridge City, 22/11 Caius v Peterhouse, 14:15. JESUS 4 3 1 0 6 2 4 10 XV 15:00, Leys School. TRINITY 4 3 0 1 9 3 6 9 Women’s Blues 10-0 Nottingham Volleyball 21/11 Corpus Christi v Jesus, 14:30, Table Tennis FITZWILLIAM 4 2 1 1 6 5 1 7 ST CATHARINE’S 4 2 0 2 10 4 6 6 Men’s Blues 2-3 Loughborough Catz Astro. 21/11 Men’s Blues v Brighton, home, ARU 2 2 0 0 6 3 3 6 College League 1: Women’s Blues 0-3 Loughborough 16:00, Fenners Gym. CHRIST’S 4 2 1 2 9 8 1 6 Girton 40-0 Homerton College League 2: 21/11 Women’s Blues v Loughbor- ST JOHN’S 4 2 0 2 10 10 0 6 Jesus 3-3 St John’s Fixtures 16/11 Churchill v Robinson, 13:00, ough, away, 14:00. CHURCHILL 3 1 0 2 4 12 -8 3 Magdalene 20-17 Downing Wilberforce Road. DARWIN 3 0 0 3 1 7 -6 0 P W D L F A Pts 16/11 Clare v Queens, 14:30, Wilber- Tennis CAIUS 4 0 0 4 2 9 -7 0 Badminton force Road. 21/11 Men’s Blues v Loughborough JESUS 6 4 1 1 178 20 19 ST JOHN’S 5 4 1 0 74 16 18 21/11 Men’s Blues v Bristol, away, 19/11 Downing v Robinson, 14:30, III, home, 14:00, Next Generation Hockey MAGDALENE 6 3 1 2 52 103 16 13:30, Bristol Indoor Sports Cen- Catz Astro. Club. Women’s Blues 10-1 Coventry DOWNING 6 2 1 3 107 94 13 tre. 21/11 Women’s Blues v London GIRTON 6 2 0 4 151 109 12 21/11 Women’s Blues v Imperial, Lacrosse Metropolitan, away, 11:30. College League 1: HOMERTON 5 0 0 5 15 235 5 away, Ethos London. 21/11 Women’s Blues v Bristol, Corpus Chirsti 2-12 Cambridge away, 14:00. Volleyball. City College League 2: Basketball 21/11 Women’s II v Oxford II, away, 14/11 Men’s Blues v Warwick, home, Caius 2-8 St John’s St Catharine’s 20-7 Trinity Hall 21/11 Men’s Blues v Oxford Brookes, 13:00. 19:00, Manor Community College. St Catharine’s 6-0 St John’s Trinity 27-0 Peterhouse away. 21/11 Women’s Blues v Birming- Jesus 3-2 Cambridge City Caius 20-12 Pembroke 21/11 Men’s II v Lincoln II, home, Netball ham, away, 19:15. P W D L F A Pts 12:00, Kelsey Kerridge. 21/11 Women’s Blues v Birmingham P W D L GFGAGD Pts ST CATHARINE’S 4 4 0 0 110 22 16 21/11 Women’s Blues v Wolver- III, home, 16:00, Cherry Hinton Vil- Fencing JESUS 4 3 1 0 11 6 5 10 TRINITY HALL 5 3 1 1 95 66 15 hampton, away. lage Centre. 17/11 Men’s Blues v Bristol, Oxford, ST JOHN’S 6 3 1 2 16 15 1 10 TRINITY 4 3 0 1 104 35 13 21/11 Women’s II v East Anglia, UCL, Bath (weekend tournament) CAMBRIDGE CITY 5 3 0 2 24 9 15 9 PETERHOUSE 4 1 1 2 57 66 8 Football. away. home. ST CATHARINE’S 4 2 0 2 10 6 4 6 CAIUS 5 1 0 4 44 160 8 21/11 Men’s Blues v Loughborough 21/11 Men’s II v Oxford II, home. CORPUS CHRISTI 3 2 0 1 8 16 -8 6 PEMBROKE 4 0 0 4 46 107 4 III, away, 14:00. Rugby League 17/11 Women’s Blues v Bristol, Ox- CAIUS 4 1 0 3 14 14 0 3 21/11 Men’s II v Northampton IV, 21/11 Men’s Blues v Oxford, away, ford, UCL, Bath (weekend tourna- EMMANUEL 4 0 0 4 2 19 -17 0 Badminton home, 14:00, Emmanuel Sports 14:00. ment) home. Men’s Blues 5-3 Oxford Ground. Women’s Blues 6-2 Exeter Games & puzzles Varsity crossword no. 475 celebration. (6) Kakuro Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in 1 2 3 4 4 5 5 6 6 20 Flower grew… (4) the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur 22 … plus genetic material turned in the same row in a separate run). 7 8 around. (3) © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore 23 Oddly hire weaving machine COMPETITION 9 that’s been in the family for ages? Win a bottle of wine from our friends at Cambridge Wine 20 11 18 8 14 Merchants. (8) 4 24 Re-arrange the letters by rotating the discs to create six 9 10 25 Bess’s musical sidekick lost his separate six-letter words leading in to the centre. Email your head in sex party. (4) answer to [email protected] 10 13 26 Strangely rip some air for 11 ??? 19 showman. (10) 20 27 Cut up into pieces, not dead 12 13 12 22 initially but cold. (4) GARETH MOORE D M 21 M A 14 14 Down 11 17 H M 14 6 L O 15 17 16 1 Feeling sad, trapped by loveless A I 23 17 cheats – these guys will cheer you A O

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9 Low army offi cer returns, con- we hear. (4) (4) 3 2 7 5 7 6 1 / MADE BY www.puzzlemix.com cealing unauthorised absence? (4) 16 Swindle – coats returned. (4) 3 5 10 Produce French in sex. (8) 17 Audibly question river? (3) 5 7 6 3 GARETH MOORE Last week’s solutions © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore 11 Hurt, lose head or limb. (3) 18 Eastern fl ower marks religious Set by Leah Holroyd 4 7 9 5 3 6 8 1 2 10 10 18 12 4 1 3 2 7 5 1 2 6 16 3 5 1 8 9 2 7 4 6

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13 9 6 9 4 7 2 1 5 8 3 ACROSS:7 ALSO, 8 INTRODUCED, 9 AWOL, 10 ENGENDER, 12 ASAP, 13 LANCED, 14 NET, 15 NOTE, 16 SCAM, 17 WYE, 18 EASTER, 20 ROSE, 22 AND, 23 HEIR- 23 AND, 22 ROSE, 20 EASTER, 18 WYE, 17 SCAM, 16 NOTE, 15 NET, 14 LANCED, 13 ASAP, 12 ENGENDER, 10 AWOL, 9 INTRODUCED, 8 ALSO, ACROSS:7 2 5 6 2 7 7 1 7 2 7 6 7 5 1 7 6 8 3 4 2 9 7 4 2 6 5 6 1 3 4 8 3 2 9 4 5 1 6 7 4 1 9 8 5 2 / MADE BY www.puzzlemix.com 1 2 4 1 3 Sport editor: Simon Allen & George Towers Friday November 16 2007 38 SPORT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/sport

Gamblers Coventry crushed in style Unanimous »Hat-trick hero Stanley leads Cambridge women to double fi gure rout CAMBRIDGE Ed Peace & CLOSE,STEVENS, STANLEY (3),NOBLE, BLACKEY,GOATER, RICKMAN, WORKMAN10 Niall Rafferty COVENTRY MASON Our situation of late has become 1 precariously similar to that of England boss Steve Maclaren. Af- Sports Reporter ter a worrying dip in form we both fi nd ourselves under pressure in a In a match that was only ever going make or break situation. However, to go one way, the women’s Blues, whilst a bad performance from us currently top of the table, faced this week will leave our running mid-table Coventry. total hovering dangerously above Right from the start the Blues the red, any mistakes by Maclaren dominated play; within the fi rst in England’s fi nal Euro 2008 quali- few minutes Tash Close scored fi er will entitle him to the whop- their opening goal from the fi rst ping great pay-off that will ac- short corner of the game. Cam- company his inevitable sacking. bridge completely dictated the England’s hopes of qualifying pace of the match, playing almost for the Championships hang by a entirely in the Coventry half. With thread, and the nation’s eyes will their second short corner, Cam- be fi xed upon the match between bridge sent a fl ick wide, missing Israel and Russia on Saturday. Af- the fi rst of several opportunities ter triumphing over England on a that could have given them an plastic pitch in Moscow, you might even wider winning margin. think that Russia have this one in the bag. However, Israel are no joke on their own patch, where they’ve lost just once in nearly Coventry were seven years, and don’t forget that ravaged by injury the Three Lions could only draw 0-0 in Tel Aviv last March. Though and humiliated by Russia travel to Tel Aviv in good heart, in the back of their minds the scoreline they will recall that they couldn’t overcome Israel in their fi rst meeting. For the sake of English After another missed short cor- football and our wallets, we’ll be ner, Jenny Stevens scored from a hoping for a repeat of this result. well struck shot from the top of the If England fail to qualify, Scot- D. Despite the dominance of the Cambridge rolled over Coventry depite several missed opportunities during the match JOE GOSDEN land will be the only remaining Cambridge side, Coventry were home nation with a chance of saved from excessive embarasment In a freak breakaway, during a left hand corner of the net. Blues were frustrated with sever- reaching the tournament proper. by their goalkeeper who repeatedly lapse in Cambridge possession, Cov- With the score at 7-1 Hannah al missed opportunities, however The recent revival of Scottish put in dramatic saves. However her entry’s Charleen Mason scored her Rickman poached a goal with a they still pulled off an impressive football faces its toughest chal- efforts weren’t enough to stem the side’s only goal of the match. Cam- cheeky slap, extending Cambridge’s victory. lenge this Saturday, with Scotland Cambridge onslaught. bridge responded with a goal from lead yet again. By this stage Cov- needing to claim a win over World Sixteen minutes into the match, Izzie Blakey, which was her fi rst for entry looked thoroughly dejected, Busa Hockey - Midlands Conference Champions Italy to progress. Anna Stanley scored the fi rst of her the Blues, bringing the score to 5-1 they were ravaged by injury and Women’s 1A 2007/08 Scotland, despite succumbing to hat-trick of goals, which came from on the stroke of half time. humiliated by the scoreline and P W D L F A GD Pt a 2-0 defeat in their last match a scrambled patch of play just out- The Blues were still fi ring going their heads began to drop signifi - CAMBRIDGE 5 5 0 0 20 4 16 15 with Italy, will feel a reversal is side Coventry’s D. Moments later into the second half. Emma Goater cantly. Alex Workman and the fi nal NOTTINGHAM 4 3 0 1 14 6 8 9 possible: they have a win and two Stanley combined with Jenny Ste- scored after a good dribble up the goal from Anna Stanley brought LOUGHBOROUGH II 4 2 1 1 8 4 4 7 draws to show from Italy’s three vens who drew the keeper wide, goal-line, a goal that was quickly the winning scoreline to 10-1. COVENTRY 5 2 0 3 8 21 -13 6 previous competitive visits. The putting Stanley through for her followed by one from Lisa Noble Despite absolutely dominating BIRMINGHAM II 5 1 1 3 8 12 -4 4 visitors will be using every trick second goal of the day. who fi red a rocket shot into the top play throughout the match, the BIRMINGHAM III 5 0 0 5 5 16 -11 0 in the book to disrupt or slow down the play, and a 0-0 will suit them just fi ne, so despite the high Despite this, Jesus continued to stakes don’t expect this to be a throw absolutely everything at their which is akin to gymnastics. classic. We’ll be backing under College Rugby adversaries, aided by the sin-binning Captain’s 2.5 goals for this week’s banker. CONTINUED FROM BACK PAGE of Alex Torrens, but were unable to What is the training schedule Osana looks capable of giving us A sustained piece of defensive ex- make the telling breakthrough. A like? a winner on the track in the Great- cellence by John’s forced Jesus to line-out steal on the very last play Corner We have one team run per week, wood Hurdle on Sunday. The fi ve concede a scrum on their fi ve me- led to a drop goal opportunity for Dancesport but on top of that everyone takes year old will be returning from a tre line. A kamikaze charge-down Tambara, which looked on target private lessons at Parkside Gym. long summer recess, so his trainer and a well-contested line-out led to before being hit down by the fl ailing Alex Marsh and Overall we spend about 6 to 20 should have had plenty of time to a crunching tackle on Tambara in- limb of a rampaging prop. hours training at any venue we get him ready for this show down. side his own goal area. A resulting When the fi nal whistle went the Paoliina Markkula can find. Last year he didn’t fi nish any penalty was kicked by Sonenfeld to Jesus players sank to the fl oor in worse than fourth in all but one level the scores at 3-3. disappointment. They had drawn How did you get into dancing? of his starts, and even on that oc- Both teams then became very a match they had absolutely domi- Alex: I started during the fourth casion he was unlucky. There are cagey, aware that a mistake by either nated territorially, and now must year of my masters course, I was some dangerous horses lurking side could lead to disaster. Jesus still rely on another team toppling John’s bored and wanted a new activity in the line-up, but if Osana repro- felt that they had the momentum to allow them to win the division. and a new set of friends. After duces anything like last season’s and a lightening break started by Despite the result, they should be browsing the freshers’ fair danc- form he shouldn’t have any trou- captain Ed White charging bull-like proud of putting on an utterly com- esport and the Cambridge Danc- ble holding them off. With thirty across his own 22 could well have pelling display of attacking rugby ers Club caught my eye and I’ve runners expected to take part in wrapped the game up for the home that must surely bode well for cup- never looked back. the race, it’s worth taking the pre- team were it not for a superb try- pers and next season. caution of backing him each way. saving and penalty-winning tackle Ed White, speaking after the Season so far by Gibson. Jesus, supercharged by game, claimed that “John’s know Alex: Our season is only just the now frenzied White, kept com- they’re lucky to come away from Alex is at Darwin and is doing a getting started, but last year 5-6 THE BANKER ing and with fi ve minutes remaining here with a draw, apart from a dip PhD in physics and Paoliina is we got a clean sweep! We came SCOTLAND V ITALY won a penalty right in front of the either side of half time we domi- at Jesus and is doing a PhD in home victorious in both friend- UNDER 2.5 GOALS £4 posts. Inexplicably, however, the nated them today.” Mayne, on the gluco-sensing. lies, the South of England uni- PREDICTION 16/5 decision was taken to tap and go and other hand, maintained that his side versity championship, and the ISRAEL TO DRAW WITH the Red Boys were able to turn over fully deserved the point from “an ex- Dancesport national university champion- RUSSIA £3 possession in the resulting ruck. It ceptional defensive display showing Dancesport is the competitive ship. We also won the Varsity was the moment upon which the massive mental strength”. In real- side of dance and is split into two Match against Oxford, as well THE LONG SHOT 7/1 match hinged, for all of Jesus’ histori- ity, Jesus have only themselves to disciplines: ballroom and latin. as the second team match. Of OSANA TO WIN cal commitment to attractive rugby, blame for refusing to take the points It combines aesthetics with ath- course, we hope to retain all of GREATWOOD HURDLE £1.5e.w. three points there would have almost on offer from penalties in good posi- leticism and involves perform- these titles this year. certainly won them the game, with tions throughout the game, as they ing set-piece moves that are in- RUNNING TOTAL £24.12 John’s skipper Will Mayne calling the could now, and perhaps should, be tegrated into an overall routine, decision “utter foolishness.” topping the table. Friday November 16 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/sport [email protected] SPORT 39

News from the Blues hold on for win River » Broadfoot’s brilliant boot inspires Cambridge to victory BLUES TRIES: BROADFOOT, LEWIS, BROADFOOT: 4 PENS, 2 CONS 26 CRAWSHAYS WELSH XV 24 This week, in an attempt to em- ploy one of the benefits of living george towers in communal housing, I turned Chief Sports Editor to my roommate, Trevor (who just so happened to be sitting on On the coldest night of the year my bed as I sat down to write) so far, the Blues met Crawshays for inspiration. After pos- Welsh XV in a hard fought match, ing the question, he seemed to where both sides put on some fl ow- ponder my request for no more ing rugby despite the freezing con- than a moment before suggest- ditions. ing “humility”. Now, in retro- Early Cambridge possession was spect, I believe his response was rewarded with the fi rst of Ross more of an underhanded way of Broadfoot’s four successful penal- poking fun at the club, and its ties. Minutes later, some ill-disci- fracas that graced last week’s plined Welsh rucking gave Broad- news briefs, rather than an ad- foot his second opportunity for mission of hard-earned lessons three points, but he sent it wide. entrenched from his experience The Crawshays pride themselves playing for, and captaining, var- on playing an expansive style of ious rugby sides. rugby, not afraid to run it from their Yet I was too enthused with own 22. Their monotonous batter- what I thought would be a per- ing of the Blues’ defensive line al- fect focal point for an insightful lowed their outside centre to scythe article that I cut off any further through, putting full-back Christian suggestions from Trevor, and Phillips in to score a textbook try. pushed forward with all the Despite their class as individu- hubris I had just been urged to als, the Crawshays suffered from rally against. inexperience as a team and allowed Our team is often criticized for the Blues to frequently turnover being arrogant. Many outside cheap ball. Building from a period In a competetive game, the Blues held on for a good win despite a fi erce Welsh fi ght back SOPHIE PICKFORD observers have the impression of posession deep in the Welsh 22, that the Boat Club is composed the Blues built several phases of the Blues relentlessly, eventually more so than during their third began a move that eventually put of old foreigners with artifi- play and eventually put Broadfoot giving the ball to Alan Hughes who try of the match, which came from Chris Lewis through under the cially inflated egos. I can only in for Cambridge’s fi rst try, which powered his way through several an awesome twenty metre rolling posts, bringing the score to an in- speak for the years I have been he successfully converted bringing Blues defenders before storming maul. Having executed a perfect surmountable 26-17. However, yet a member of the team in claim- the score to 10-5. into the left corner to score. backs try earlier in the game, the again the Welsh fought back, scor- ing that the reality couldn’t Two penalties in succession ex- Cambridge replied by establish- Welsh forwards demonstrated that ing a try in the dying seconds and be further from the myth, and tended the home side’s lead to 16 ing some territory, but a silly chip there was more to their side than leaving the score at 26-24. hope sincerely that our reputa- points to fi ve. Not happy with a through allowed the Welsh to clear just a drilled backline. The long Building on their victory against tion will only improve in years converted try and three penalties, their lines. The Blues eventually haired replacement hooker, Craig London Irish last week, the Blues to come. Broadfoot went for a drop goal late came away with another Broadfoot Hawkins, emegred from the bottom are fi nally beginning to build some And while I trust that the ex- in the fi rst half, but he couldn’t com- penalty, but they really should have of the pile, ball in hand, and claimed winning momentum with just two ternal impression of arrogance plete the full bag. been looking for a try. the score. games left until the Varsity Match. will not persist, I will also be If the fi rst half saw the Blues on Despite the score at 19-10, Craw- The Welsh weren’t the only ones The team is beginning to gel and the first to admit that internal top, then the second half witnessed shays Welsh XV dug in and took playing running rugby. With ten things are looking up in the Cam- to the club, individual will does an impressive Welsh fi ght back. the game to the Blues. They were minutes to go Ross Broadfoot, who bridge camp leading into the Steele- play a large roll in team dynam- Right from the start they probed physical throughout, but never put in an impressive performance, Bodger Match next week. ics. So perhaps a more relevant challenge any successful team must tackle is achieving humil- ity amongst its members. De- spite the camaraderie implied by the façade of a team, it is Jesus beat City in tight match often easier to be humble to those external to one’s group. Competition can both foster and » Reigning champions edge closer to title triumph after smash-and-grab inhibit the cooperation essen- tial to any organization. When many athletes are pooled to- JESUS maintained pressure with several gether, each with significant ex- probing attacks up their favoured perience training at a very high 3 right wing. level in a particular style, egos Despite the early offense from Je- are bound to clash. Everyone is CAMBRIDGE CITY sus, Cambridge City proved danger- confident he or she knows how 2 ous on the counterattack, creating the program should be run and several close opportunities putting the requisite changes that must George Towers pressure on the Jesuit keeper. Over- be made. Chief Sports Editor all City were creating more scoring And confidence is vital. I am opportunities from open play, whilst not debating that. But confi- As the end of the Michaelmas season Jesus won several short corners and dence without humility seems draws ever closer, things are heating came close to scoring several times. quite like having the fastest up at the top of the hockey fi rst di- Twenty minutes in, only some des- train in the world without the vision. Last Sunday Jesus and Cam- perate scrambled defence saved tracks necessary to guide it. bridge City met in a match that may Cambridge City from going two We are consequently faced well decide who fi nishes on top when goals down. with the task of matching two things fi nally draw to a close. Both Minutes before the halftime whis- oft mutually exclusive traits; sides fi elded weakened sides due to tle Jesus scored from a beautifully each athlete must take on the injury or absenteeism, but that didn’t crafted attack, which saw the ball formidable challenge of trying hinder the standard of play. spread from left to right before being to break down the components The victorious Jesus side after a close fought match GEORGE TOWERS Despite the freezing conditions, powered home to bring the 2-0 lead of ego that run contrary to the the match started at a blistering that everyone believed was coming. bridge City attacked up the right wasting what should have been at good of the team, while bolster- pace. Jesus were on top during the However, right from the restart wing, catching Jesus napping at the least a shot on goal. Luckily for the ing those that provide the confi- initial exchanges, dominating pos- Cambridge City fought back and back, bringing them the equalizer. Jesus team, a last minute tap in from dence necessary to look Oxford session and taking the game to the during the euphoric celebrations of The rest of the half saw tensions run their striker edged them into the lead in the eyes on the starting line City side. A few minutes in Jesus just scoring, Jesus lost their concen- high as both sides were frustrated by with just seconds to go. Cambridge in five months. converted off their fi rst short corner, tration and let City sneak a goal just the tied scoreline. City were visibly dissappointed with following several scrambled shots at before the interval. In the fi nal ten minutes of a long the loss after such a close match; Je- the inexperienced goalkeeper (usu- The second half opened at frantic half, Jesus won a short corner that sus, on the other hand, were ecstatic Continued next week ally a defender). Jesus’ early com- pace as both teams sensed a win. Af- should have brought them the win. to extend their lead at the top of Spencer Griffi n Hunsberger mand of the game continued as they ter a period of end to end play, Cam- However, they put the ball wide, League One. Friday November 16 2007 varsity.co.uk/sport

Rugby p39 Blues notch up another SPORT solid win Churchill edge out Caius CHURCHILL ‘Utter foolishness’ TENSEL (2) 2 » John’s skipper Mayne blasts Jesus decision to squander penalty CAIUS 0 JESUS meaningless.” PENS: JOHANSEN John’s were fearsome in de- ed willis 3 fence throughout the match, with Football Correspondent ST JOHN’S the back division employing an PENS: SONENFELD awesome blitz move, led by barn- Joint bottom of the table Churchill 3 storming fl y-half Aaron Sonenfeld, and Caius met at Churchill pitches HENRY STANNARD that put enormous pressure on the last weekend, with both sides still Jesus half-back partnership of Jon looking for their fi rst win of the Sports Reporter Cross and Kouj Tambara. John’s season. A full blooded encounter For weeks this game had been trum- were also able to disrupt the at- was expected and the teams did peted as a title decider. Jesus, hav- tacking line-outs, with stand-in not disappoint. ing recovered from their opening captain Rupert Walter stealing After a lively opening period, in day 6-0 defeat in torrential rain, had plenty of ball to relieve the pres- which the away side enjoyed much swept aside all-comers to sit proudly sure on his side. Eventually, hav- of the possession, it was Churchill atop the fi rst division. John’s came ing gained a penalty in front of who made the fi rst breakthrough. into the game undefeated in sec- the posts, Jesus fi nally decided to A hopeful punt forward from the ond, just one point behind and with let centre Tim Johanson take the back was not dealt with by the a game in hand against struggling three points. Caius back four and Wes Tensel Homerton. The home team in black Again, Jesus didn’t take long to stole in behind to coolly guide and red were out for an hour before fi rmly entrench themselves inside the ball beyond Phil Maton. The the game furiously practising for- the John’s 22, and seemed des- goal owed a lot to the swirling wards set pieces and backs moves, perate for a try, spurning many wind, which was beginning to ex- deliberately ignoring the primordial opportunities to kick at goal pre- ert more and more of an infl uence roars of the John’s huddle. An enor- sented by a John’s pack rapidly as the half progressed. To their mous crowd was attracted to this losing their cool under sustained credit Churchill took advantage massive college match. pressure. With wave upon wave of the conditions, pinning their The game started in a whirlwind having been repulsed, it was per- opponents back with a barrage of manner, with a ferocious hit from haps in desperation not to fi nish long balls. Injury-hit Caius were John’s number 8 Rob Wells almost the half with a lead of only three clearly determined to play attrac- scything his opposite number in points that Johanson, despite the tive football though, and produced half. The Jesus pack, however, blustery conditions, was given an- some neat interplay down both despite being physically smaller other chance to score from a pen- fl anks through Marcel Gordon and than John’s were determined to alty 35 yards out and almost on Niall Rafferty, but just lacked the prove that they were more than precision required to fi nd the nec- a match for their opponents. The essary fi nal ball. John’s forwards looked shell- Half time came and went with shocked when an early line-out The Jesus players the score at 1-0. Midway through from a penalty resulted in them the second half, Churchill were being driven back ten yards into sank to the fl oor in awarded a very dubious looking their own 22 by a front fi ve that penalty and Tensel stepped up to was so frail last year they were disappointment slot his second of the game. An en- unable to contest scrums. tertaining last quarter ensued in Furthermore, with the RFU which Caius searched desperately law labs representatives in at- for a lifeline, and Churchill looked tendance, the referee seemed very the touchline. From the resulting to hit them on the break. keen to penalise any infringement miss John’s broke out and, for the The score remained at 2-0 at the breakdown by St John’s, fi rst time, got the ball in space to though, a tough result for Caius which led to a string of penalties paceman Ovuefe Efeotor, who was to take and probably not quite a either taken quickly or kicked tackled just before the try line to fair refl ection of an even game. to touch by a Jesus team keen to set up an almighty battle on the Both sides displayed unquestion- establish a substantial early lead Jesus line for the last remaining ing commitment throughout and over their rivals. Despite the im- minutes of the half, which Jesus will take heart from the way they pact they have had on the season, managed to defend. played. Caius certainly don’t look one RFU delegate admitted after The second half was a much like a team deserving of bottom the match that the new laws had more even affair, with the Jesus place in the division while cham- been superseded by the sweeping kicking game frequently disrupted pions Churchill will hope to build changes to be brought in from the by some excellent charge-downs on this and return to the loftier southern hemisphere next season, and the tactical awareness and echelons of the league, where they and were therefore in the context cool head of full back Ben Gibson. will feel they belong. JAMIE GUNDRY of the wider game “completely CONTINUED ON PAGE 38 Jesus forwards led the charge against St John’s