Sport p38-39 Features p23 Varsity Match Solving the Every player woes of profi led with Cambridge: full special the quest for The man who claims he can preview and the perfect pick up any girl explains how analysis cake Interviewp16 Issue No 667 Friday Nov 23 2007 varsity.co.uk

e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Guardian Best Student Publication Design 2007 Intruder caught at Fitzwilliam » Trespasser found asleep in student’s bed and arrested » Trinity Hall break in replicated within ten days

Katy Lee dumped the fi rst. Students who saw doesn’t look like a student.’” him as he was taken away have de- The student said the police arrived Chief News Editor scribed him as a medium-build white and locked the intruder in the room. man in his thirties with dark hair who “They were in there for about ten or A man has been arrested on suspi- was wearing a dark blue hoodie. fi fteen minutes talking to him. Then cion of burglary after taking two A police spokeswoman said: “We they escorted him from the premises laptops from students’ rooms in Fit- were called at 8.20pm to reports and threw him into the police van.” zwilliam College and falling asleep that someone had found an intruder According to the student, the lap- in one undergraduate’s bed on in their room at Fitzwilliam Col- top stolen from A block was then Wednesday evening. lege. They tried to steal a laptop. found “dumped in the rain” outside Police and University Security The fi rst offi cer got to the scene at the accommodation block. The po- were called to the college at 8.20pm 8.31pm. Four offi cers arrived in to- lice have confi rmed that the intrud- after one student reported the theft tal and arrested a man on suspicion er has been charged with burglary of her laptop to the college porters of burglary. after he was found with another and another, from a different ac- “We then got a further report that laptop on his person. commodation block, informed por- someone else’s room had been bro- Several students have reported ters that a man he had never seen ken into and a laptop had been stolen. on the similarities between this case before was asleep in his bed. Por- A 32 year old man has been arrested and that which occurred at Trinity ters locked the intruder in the room and is currently in custody.” Hall last week, when students’ pos- until the police’s arrival, when they The police were unable to com- sessions were moved around the arrested the man and escorted him ment on rumours that the man may building by intruders, one of whom from the premises. have been involved in the break-in at was reported to have fallen asleep in The burglar had a second laptop a Trinity Hall accommodation block a bush after the break-in. on his person but appeared to have on November 10, when several stu- One eye-witness said, “My as- dents were attacked and one had her sumption would be that he was on laptop taken. something. There was defi nitely One student, who lives on thesa- something weird going on.” She add- Nick Clegg me corridor as the girl from whom ed, “It’s made us a lot more aware of the fi rst laptop was taken, was with how unsecure our rooms are. I leave The Lib Dem the victim when the theft occurred. my room unlocked a lot – it’s all quite “The laptop must have been stolen disturbing. You also just assume that leadership from her room between about 6pm the college provides a certain amount candidate on and 7.30pm,” she told Varsity. “We’d of security itself. I think we’ll all be a all been chatting in the kitchen and bit more cautious from now on.” the dangers when she went back upstairs she The college’s Senior Tutor sent an found her room in a state and her lap- email to students yesterday reassur- of ID top gone. Nothing else was missing, ing students that the incident had but her things had been disturbed been resolved. “Nobody was hurt in cards and her top drawer was open. the incident, and we believe that the “Someone who had been on our property taken has been recovered. fl oor earlier said that they’d seen a Thanks to the actions of the students bloke standing outside someone’s and porters yesterday evening, and p10 room – they hadn’t recognized him the intervention of the police and uni- but just assumed he was someone versity security service, this incident Scientists survey Arctic ice else’s friend. We then went to the was successfully contained.” Letters 8 Porter’s Lodge and, as we were re- In a further message to undergrad- Cambridge scientists have been given the go-ahead for a pioneering porting it, a third year student was uates, JCR President Adrian Pascu- arctic survey into the effects of global warming on the North Pole Comment 10 reporting that he’d gone back to his Tulbure said: “I’d like to stress how ice cap. Ice trials led by Dr Joao Rodrigues of the Department of room after dinner and found this man important it is that we keep College, Idler 11 asleep in his bed. and College houses, as secure as pos- Applied Mathematics and Theoretical Physics successfully tested “This was in S block - on the other sible. Lock your rooms, even if you’re equipment in northern Canada at temperatures of below minus Reviews 27 side of the building from A block, just popping out for a few minutes.” 30 degrees Celsius. His team members will tow this equipment where the fi rst laptop was taken. He He added, “Although last night was 2000 kilometres from the north coast of Alaska to the North Pole in said, ‘This is a completely random very well-controlled and handled, we The Anorak 35 guy – I’ve no idea who he is and he defi nitely don’t want a repeat.” February. Hannah Price Chief News Editors: Katherine Faulkner, Katy Lee and Camilla Temple Friday November 23 2007 2 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

In Brief Tourism An “electronic guidebook” scheme for technologically minded tourists is to be launched in Cambridge at East- er next year. “Pocket Cambridge” will allow tourists to download au- dio tours and information to mobile phones that have a wi-fi function. 3G mobiles will also be able to access the service. The inventor, Mark Oakden, hopes that GPS technology will soon enable users to download informa- tion relevant to their exact location as they are walking. Us- ers will also be able to download tours featur- ing music and sound effects from the internet onto mp3 play- ers. Dora St John

Oxford Vice-Chancellor steps down Oxford’s Vice-Chancellor will be leaving the university, it was an- nounced last weekend. Dr John Hood started his tenure in 2004 and has said that he does not wish to continue after he has complet- ed his five year term in Septem- ber 2009. He has had a notoriously difficult time in the position. He is the first vice-chancellor in the university’s history who has come from outside of the university’s academic base. He was brought in to solve the university’s financial problems, but has had trouble maintaining support for his proposed reforms. Last year Hood made a proposal to introduce a number of external guardian unlimited members to Oxford’s council and to separate academic and financial Varsity scoops Guardian Student Media Award boards. This was defeated in the university’s Congregation by 730 Ex-Varsity Editors Joe Gosden and Jonny Ensall collect the award for Student Publication Design of the Year with Adam Edelshain, votes to 456. Alex Glasner Business Manager for 2006-2007 . The award was presented by writer and broadcaster Hardeep Singh Kohli

New uni ranking The Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development is Security professor Postgrad funding is planning to produce the first inter- national comparison of how success- fully universities teach. The new slashed by government scheme will test students when slams ID cards they leave university to discover how much they have learnt during Daniel Zeichner, Labour Parlia- ment of having “sneaked out” the Clementine Dowley Mike Kielty their course. Shanghai’s Jiao Tong mentary spokesperson for Cam- news of the funding changes over University began to rank universi- The UK’s leading expert on elec- bridge, admits that ID cards will Students and University officials the summer. ties in 2003 and the Times Higher tronic security has said that plans not be 100 per cent efficient. But have reacted with concern to the Cambridge University authori- Education Supplement began their to introduce ID cards “will make he claims that “the new biometric news that the government is divert- ties have reacted with concern to the study in 2004. The difference is no difference at all”. ing £100m a year away from the fund- news. Professor Richard Taylor, the that these studies both reflect ‘in- Professor Ross Anderson, Pro- ing of postgraduate students. University’s Director of Continuing puts’, such as the quality of the staff fessor of Security Engineering at The new arrangement means that Education and Lifelong Learning, and the amount of research taking Cambridge University’s Computer “To insist on new funding for students taking post- welcomed the government’s focus on place. The OECD’s league table will Laboratory and leading Govern- graduate degrees in Cambridge and getting more students from non-aca- be the first one to concentrate on ment advisor on banking and inter- documents of a new other British Universities will be re- demic backgrounds to take degrees. how much students are actually be- net security, said that ID cards are duced by £100m a year over the next But he also said that these cuts would ing taught. “not relevant to terrorism at all”, kind will make no four years. “pose a real challenge” to the govern- Kathryn Maude but rather the result of a “long- difference at all” Bill Rammell, the Higher Educa- ment’s own stated commitment to standing human tendency to in- tion Minister, argued that it would providing education for part-time dulge in displacement activities”. be difficult to justify spending and mature students. Anderson called the scheme a taxpayers’ money on supporting The move has also sparked anger response to increasingly “press- system will make identification students who are studying for a amongst student representatives orientated politics”. He said that much easier” and constitute a sig- second degree. He said, “I believe in Cambridge. CUSU Access Of- the introduction of ID cards is an nificant improvement on the- cur that that is the right priority in ficer Charlotte Richer stressed that 52 Trumpington Street Cambridge CB2 1RG example of “security theatre” and rent passport system. public policy terms.” active financial support should be that it was a governmental at- Zeichner said, “ID cards will help The government’s stated aim provided to all students, whether FREE CHELSEA BUN tempt to establish the appearance to dismiss a genuine worry about is to shift this funding from post- graduate or un dergraduate. “It With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop of security without the reality. illegal workers in Britain.” An- graduate students, who already seems strange that a government OR He argued that replacing pass- derson said that there were much have an undergraduate qualifica- that values a flexible and trained ports with ID cards is pointless. more efficient ways with dealing tion, to those who do not have yet workforce is discouraging students FREE MORNING “To insist on new documents of with this. “Foreign illegal workers have one degree. Opposition politi- from retraining,” she said. COFFEE/TEA a new kind will make no differ- have been a crime since forever.” cians and student representatives An estimated 45,000 British stu- (9am-12pm) With any cake or pastry in the restaurant ence at all. Money would be bet- Richard Howitt, Labour MEP nationwide have expressed their dents will be affected by the cuts, ter spent elsewhere. People die for Cambridge, said, “We should concern that this money will be lost although those studying medicine, on presentation of this voucher on roads all the time, whilst the learn from other European coun- entirely from University budgets. dentistry and veterinary science will and proof of student status number of people saved by secu- tries. I am maintaining an open Rob Wilson, Conservative MP for be exempt because they are consid- rity measures is unquantifiable.” mind on the ID cards issue.” Reading East, accused the govern- ered crucial to the national economy.

“The University does need to do more, but can only achieve so much” Friday November 23 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 3

Public funds for ‘Oxbridge Applications’ interview tuition company » Controversial company encouraging state schools to buy its services with Aimhigher access money

Katy Lee He argued that the mock in- insecurities of University applicants terviews provided for applicants for their own profit. Given the tre- Chief News Editor were “delivered almost entirely mendous costs and inherent inade- by recent graduates who are given quacies involved in this service, it is The government has confirmed that minimal training and in many cases incredible that Aimhigher are able schools can spend money from the na- are being asked to conduct mock to justify their financial support of tional Aimhigher access programme interviews in subjects well outside this private company.” on the interview technique courses their own expertise.” He described Uffindell response to Richer’s offered by the controversial tuition a case at a recent Oxbridge Appli- comments was that the benefits of company Oxbridge Applications. cations event where an applicant the company’s services are evident The announcement comes after for Physics was given their mock from the fact that some schools send the company wrote to state schools interviews by a PPE graduate and students on the courses every year. drawing attention to the fact that a History graduate. “I would welcome this student poli- there are no restrictions on spending Dr Parks added, “It is very ques- tician to come to one of our events Aimhigher funding, which is set aside tionable whether the spending of and actually find out what happens for helping disadvantaged pupils en- Aimhigher money on services offered on them rather than going on spec- ter higher education, in the private by commercial companies represents ulation,” he said. sector. Cambridge University has good value for money, given that the Oxbridge Applications claim to condemned the company’s strategy. Universities of Cambridge and Ox- work with approximately ten per Oxbridge Applications, which ford and their Colleges offer expert cent of Oxbridge candidates every charges £180 for admittance to one advice about preparing for our ad- year. Its website argues that the of its interview preparation days missions processes for free.” He has company “does not believe that can- and £850 for a full weekend of prac- suggested that Aimhigher funding didates can in any way be coached, tise interviews and workshops, sent would be better spent on the Young trained or rehearsed for success, a letter to state schools across the Gifted and Talented Programme. but that they should be aware of country last week stating that they Uffindell has defended his strategy what admissions tutors are really were “looking to greatly expand the of encouraging state schools to buy looking for.” number of students who receive our its services with public money. The One Cambridge student whose services free at the point of delivery. company has argued that although parents paid £850 for an interview We aim to do this by working with it already offers some of its services preparation weekend last year said schools and LEAs to use Aimhigher for free to pupils whose parents re- of her experience: “Most of it was funding to purchase our services.” ceive government financial assist- crap. The first day comprised of “The letter was sent to all state ance, most of its customers are those things like ‘body language lessons’ schools, as all state schools get Aim- who can afford to pay its high prices. which were the biggest waste of higher funding,” confirmed James Funding more courses through pub- money. But it was good in that by Uffindell, who founded Oxbridge lic money will widen access to those the time I got to my interview here I Applications in his final year at Ox- from disadvantaged backgrounds. wasn’t nervous at all.” The company ford in 1999. “Aimhigher is about encouraging claims that unsatisfied customers A spokesman for the Higher Edu- students from a poorer background are in the minority, with 97 per cent cation Funding Council for England, to apply to universities that are the of applicants who completed its one- which funds Aimhigher, said, “Aim- most appropriate for them,” Uffind- day course in 2006 rating the service higher partnerships can use compa- ell told Varsity. “If the most appro- as “good” or “excellent”. nies such as Oxbridge Applications, priate for them happens to be Ox- The company also employs over but they need to be fully satisfied ford or Cambridge, then they should 400 recent Oxbridge graduates and that such organizations can deliver have all the support they need to current undergraduates as tutors fair access to bright young people access those institutions.” and interviewers. Victoria Andrenk- from disadvantaged backgrounds in CUSU Access Officer Charlotte ova, a Classics student at Christ a cost-effective and targeted way. Richer told Varsity, “CUSU is ap- Church College, Oxford and an Ox- “If they do decide to use their palled at this shocking waste of pub- bridge Applications tutor, defended services, we would expect this to lic money. The service that is pro- the company’s activities. be in accordance with Aimhigher vided by Oxbridge Applications is “We must remember that the ad- partnership plans and for the fundamentally flawed. It is based on vice Oxbridge Applications provide servic­­­e to be monitored and evalu- often inaccurate information about is just that - advice. It isn’t a winning ated after a year.” admissions procedures and relies ticket,” she said. “Ultimately, it all But Dr Geoff Parks, Director upon recent graduates with no expe- depends on the individual - their pas- of Undergraduate Admissions at rience and no training in performing sion, commitment and dedication.” Cambridge University, said that interviews, sometimes in a subject of She added that she found the work the quality of the services offered which they have no knowledge.” rewarding. “It’s wonderful to see by the Oxbridge Applications was She added, “Oxbridge Applica- candidates get encouragement and “open to question”. tions are taking advantage of the The company claims to work with 10 per cent of applicants tim johns self-confidence from the process.” King’s students reimbursed £10,000 for hob removal “It’s good that we’re getting rec- to have cooking facilities be- back to their rooms which can be were even people forming working Camilla Temple ompensed and I’m really pleased cause of the size or layout but dangerous. We have said to the col- party committees to survey every- Chief News Editor that college has decided to do this. where it is possible we will find lege that we can replace the hot- one’s eating habits in the college. But it has been badly coordinat- alternatives to hotplates. These plates with devices on timers. That They were going round and meas- King’s College has reimbursed ed. I’m still really unclear about are dangerous for two reasons: way the heat goes off after ten uring the size of each gyp room students whose cooking facilities whether the cookers are coming firstly because hot rings don’t minutes and there is no fire risk.” with tape measures and stuff. I were removed earlier this term back. There were also some people King’s removed hobs and ovens suppose it’s not so much down to due to concerns over health and who weren’t even provided with from all gyp rooms over the sum- college wanting to listen to us safety. The college is offering a microwaves.” mer and replaced them with com- but more that we had really good fund of £10,000 to compensate stu- Yvonne O’Donnell, Housing “The compensation bination microwaves. One student people working on our behalf and dents who currently have no cook- Standards Manager at Cambridge commented, “King’s did this in the making the college listen.” ing facilities. City Council, said: “It isn’t coun- would amount to £3 summer without consulting any “Everyone’s been putting lots The college has come to an cil policy to remove cooking fa- a day” part of the student body, without of effort into this, and it turns arrangement with the council cilities. I have met with student replacing anything and without re- out to have paid off. We started whereby as many as possible of representatives and the college’s adjusting rent bands.” off with talks of a rent strike, and the cookers will be re-instated bursar and have come to an ar- King’s College Student Union indeed most people wrote to their with alternatives to the original rangement with them. The col- light up and so they get left on, has been campaigning through- tutors requesting to see the out- hotplates, which are the most dan- lege health and safety officers will then students leave the kitchen out the term to re-instate cooking come of the cooker issue before gerous form of cooker. The com- carry out risk assessments on the and go back to their rooms. We facilities and to get compensation they paid their bill.” pensation would amount to £3 a college kitchens and we will try have been called out to a number for those affected. KCSU have plans to lobby for day for all days until alternative and arrange to install alternative of fire alarms as a result. Izzy Finkel, who holds the posi- compensation for all those affect- facilities are installed. cooking facilities.” “Secondly, because the hotplates tion of Domus on KCSU, described ed. This will be discussed at their One King’s student commented, “In some kitchens it is unsafe are portable, students take them the student campaigns: “There next council meeting. Chief News Editors: Katherine Faulkner, Katy Lee and Camilla Temple Friday November 23 2007 4 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

Varsityprofile »John Byatt

Katherine Faulkner “With a helipad the turnaround Chief News Editor would be reduced to about 2 min- utes. It’s a good cause. I fancied doing something for it.” » “I got interested in charity when Amongst his weird and wonder- miles I was 17 or 18,” says John Byatt, ful adventures for charity, Byatt 250 cycled across india in six days 59, a Cambridge cab driver. “I or- has cycled 250 miles across India ganised a pram race over 56 miles in 6 days to raise money for Men- for the lifeboats, and that’s where cap. it all started really. I’ve always He and his fellow cyclists were needed something to do, some- followed by BBC documentry thing to organise.” makers as they braved the ex- John Byatt is no ordinary cab- treme heat and distance. “I want- » years bie. He is a prolific fundraiser, ed my five minutes of fame, so I 59 having dedicated much of his life told them to film me at the front of of age to organising charity challenges the pack, but I’m a big boy and the and events around the world. At others kept zooming ahead of me,” the moment, in a bid to raise mon- he laughed. ey for a helipad for Addenbrooke’s Byatt, who was 50 years of age hospital, he spends much of his when he completed the ride, sin- working day disguised as Tommy gles it out as his most memorable » Cooper, the iconic fez-wearing co- fundraising mission. “At the end, years median. we were given garlands and bless- 35 married “I began to realise that I do a ings by priests,” he told us. “We pretty good Tommy Cooper im- stood in the Ganges and they put pression, so I started doing 20-30 candles for each of us on leaves on minutes of comedy in old people’s the water and watched them sail homes and things like that, for a down. It was very moving.” donation to charity,” he explained. Byatt lives in Saffron Walden » He hopes that entertaining cus- with his wife, to whom he has been years tomers in his taxi, too, will encour- married for 35 years. “We spent 17 spent as a taxi driver in age them to donate to his collec- our first date collecting jumble for cambridge tion tin. a scouts’ jumble sale,” he laughs, Although Byatt insists he “does adding: “She’s always been very it for the fun of it” the passion be- supportive.” hind his endeavours is undeniable. Byatt’s next plan is to complete “At the moment the Adenbrooke’s a 6 day trek through the Thai and helicopters have to land at the golf Burmese jungle next February. » days club, and it takes about 20 minutes “Not everyone can say they’ve 6 for a patient to get to the hospital trekked through the jungle and he will be trekking in the from there,” he tells us. “By that rode an elephant,” he says. “It’s burmese and thai jungle in time they’re almost always in a the adrenalin. I can’t explain why february critical condition and those twenty I do it. I suppose I do it because minutes can be crucial. it’s there.” To make a donation call 01799 500050 Michael Derringer Archbishop charms Cambridge Some science is off Claire Southworth limits, says Minister The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rt Rvd Rowan Williams, spoke on Thursday evening in Lady Mitch- Angela Fanshawe and Caius, told Varsity: “There’s a ell Hall. Cambridge staff and stu- big difference between saying that dents gathered to hear his talk A government minister has provoked a certain kind of science should not entitled “The Icon and the Mouse: anger within the scientific communi- be done, and saying that the public Sacrilege and Revelation in Dos- ty by claiming that academics must should not pay for it. Science is only toevsky”. accept that public disapproval will systematic thinking, checked by ob- The works of Dostoevsky pro- render some areas of scientific re- serving how things actually are.” vide many subjects for religious search off-limits in the future. debate, but Williams chose to fo- Ian Pearson, the Minister for Sci- cus upon an image from his novel ence and Innovation, told an audi- ‘Besy’ (usually translated as ‘De- ence at the Science Council that that “That is the mons’ or ‘Devils’) of a mouse in there would always be differences of an empty icon case, exploring the opinion between scientists and the beginning of subversion of religious imagery in general public as to what scientific tyranny” relation to human loss of faith. research is considered acceptable. Dr Williams, a graduate of “It isn’t just about talking longer Christ’s and former university and louder and believing that if you lecturer, also served as chaplain of explain more then people will always He added, “If the observing part Clare College from 1984 to 1986. agree with you, because they won’t turns out to be costly, and the pub- The talk, given after Williams always agree with you,” he said. lic think their taxes would be bet- dedicated his summer sabbati- Speaking at a lecture held in hon- ter spent on something else, fair cal to the study of Dostoevsky’s our of Sir Gareth Roberts, the found- enough. But a ban on the scientific works, was well-received by both ing president of the Science Council, enquiry itself is in effect a ban on staff and students, who particu- Pearson called for a debate on a new certain thoughts, or on certain kinds larly enjoyed the chance to meet vision for science in the UK and for of question: and that is the beginning and talk to the Archbishop af- the development of “a new consen- of tyranny.” ter his lecture. Katyuli Lloyd, a sus around science and society”. Sir Tom McKillop, President of the fourth year MML student from Roland Jackson, chief executive Science Council, also warned against Clare, who discussed the concept for the British Association for the allowing the public too much control of the modern icon with Williams, Advancement of Science, praised over research, saying that if the UK described him as “really charm- Pearson’s views. He said that the was held back compared to other ing”. Another undergraduate government’s new vision will trans- countries, it would “create a bigger student added that it was “just so form a society that is “confident problem for society to deal with.” exciting to have someone that fa- about the development, regulation Although Mr Pearson recognised mous speak in our department”. and use of science” into one with a the “real dangers” of restricting The talk, organised by the De- “well-qualified science workforce research, he maintained that the partment of Slavonic Studies, was that is representative of the society direction of research should be de- the Fifth Dame Elizabeth Hill it serves.” cided consensually. He went on to Lecture, given in memory of the However, other scientists have re- express a desire for debate to ex- former university lecturer and acted with consternation to the MP’s cite the nation about science and professor who died in December speech. Dr. Roger Carpenter, Reader encourage more young people to 1996. Students described the Archbishop as “really charming” Anglican Clergy in oculomotor physiology at Gonville take up careers in scientific fields. Friday November 23 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 5

CUR1350 makes all the right noises » Student radio station scoops three prizes at the national Student Radio Awards

Alex Clymo Cambridge University’s student radio station, CUR1350, has been named best station in the Student Radio Awards. The station, run by students from Cambridge and An- King’s glia Ruskin Universities, received three awards at the ceremony last Thursday. A sinking feeling The station was awarded first place in the Student Station of the The young cognoscenti of a highly Year category. Michael Brooks, esteemed college, pursuing their CUS1350’s station manager said he habitual insanitary practices, was delighted with the verdict. were caught out this week. They “This proves that CUR1350 is in had unwittingly left an unpleas- the top tier of Student Radio in the ant surprise for the workmen UK,” he said. “The professional who were clearing blocked sinks outlook of the station in every- in their rancid rooms. The work- thing we do makes our broadcast- men reported that a considerable ing worthy of commercial and BBC amount of urine was trapped in standard radio, regardless of our the waste water pipes. relative size.” The horrified Dean of this in- CUR1350 will be given a two continent college later sent an hour slot on Radio 1 as a result of email to the young impression- winning the prize. able minds under his care: “I don’t Many previous winners have quite know what to say other than gone on to pursue careers in na- the practice of urinating in the tional broadcasting. Greg James, sink MUST stop.” Hugo Rifkind now the early morning presenter of the venerable Guardian news- for Radio 1, received the Best Male paper found this all very funny award in 2006, and congratulated when he decided to take the piss CUR1350 on their success. The CUR1350 team celebrate their success with Radio 1 DJs Edith Bowman and Greg James student radio association in an article this week. “Winning Best Station is the biggest award of the night and the tion Will Not Be Televised, an hour The station’s Weekend Breakfast managed exclusively by students, opportunity it gives is incredible.,” long alternative music show that team also received a bronze award and is also independently financed. St Edmund’s he said. “It’s a fantastic team award runs from 11.00pm every Tuesday. for Best Entertainment Program- “The drive in the committee is huge for a team contribution.” She described the show as covering ming. The show is run by students because we’re not funded,” claims Gym and vigour As well as being awarded Best genres from “grimecore” to “alter- Charles Lyons, Rachel Garforth, Godfrey. “We have to work so much Station, CUR1350’s Katherine native folk”. Tanya Mercer and Martin Steers harder just to keep it alive.” Three supple gymnasts were ac- Godfrey picked up gold in the Best Godfrey told Varsity she had and claims to offer a variety of mu- This is not the first year that costed in their sweaty pink leo- Female section. been surprised by her victory. “It sical genres and features. CUR1350 has picked up awards. In tards by a lascivious admirer af- Godfrey, a third year History was amazing because so many of CUR1350 is the only radio sta- 2003 the station took second place ter practice this week. She lured student from Churchill College, the other nominees were main- tion that is aimed specifically at in Best Live Event for their cover- the slim young athletes to a pile beat students from Leeds and stream shows. One of the criteria students from Cambridge and age of the May Bumps. of pleasantly squashy crash mats Manchester University radio sta- for assessment is connecting with Anglia Ruskin Universities, and In 2004 they received four in a dingy gymnasium, and pro- tions, who took silver and bronze your audience, so I’m especially is entirely independent of both in- awards, including gold in Live ceeded to delight in their nubile awards respectively. pleased to win since I’m coming stitutions. Events for their coverage of the physiques. When they entered Godfrey presents The Revolu- from an alternative angle.” It is presented, engineered, and Varsity Rugby match. the gym things quickly degener- ated from straddle-jumps to good old-fashioned straddling. They bounced off her trampettes while she happily vaulted their pole in a Libraries destroy two million books a year spectacular floor routine. She was doing backflips by the time they got to their piece de re- Emma Clutton-Brock ed material in 2006, according to sistance: a complex formation in- SCONUL’s figures. But they ac- volving arched backs, spread legs Figures released this week have quired 184,529 new volumes in the and pointed toes. At the moment of revealed that university libraries same year. One of only six copy- climax, the star of the troupe ex- across the UK are discarding over right libraries in the UK, the UL’s ecuted a perfect triple twist with two million books a year due to the usual policy is that all copyright Olympic strength. growing popularity of e-learning. material has to be kept for poster- The gymnasts flailed with grace- According to the Society of Col- ity. “Generally speaking, we do ful, synchronized abandon, spring- lege, National, and University not have a weeding out policy here ing about in ecstatic star jumps Libraries, the average number of at the UL,” said Gotthelf Wieder- and elegant forward rolls. Our spy books being disposed of was 13,600 mann, head of the Library’s Col- is sure readers will agree that this per institute in 2006 compared to lection Development. stunning performance would have just 7,000 in 1997. Dundee Univer- “The main reason for this is received a perfect 10 had any judg- sity was the most prolific offender, that going through a collection es been present. disposing of 100,035 items and buy- the size of ours to decide what ing only 18,067 in a single year. can be discarded is hugely time- Toby Bainton, secretary of consuming and quite simply out Trumpington Towers SCONUL, said: “the average of the question due to the limited number of e-books available per resources available in the UL.” An official seeing-to library has risen by more than He added that books are some- 60 per cent since last year and times thrown away if the library In a blast from the past, our spy more than half of serials acquired holds a duplicate or if they are in has learned that some time ago two are now in electronic form.” The a poor condition. strapping lads from Cambridge’s organisation has predicted that The university’s independent li- own student union were found rates of book disposal will con- braries, including those associated taking their responsibility for tinue to rise as students demand with all faculties, departments and student satsifaction rather too better online resources and more colleges, are not required to keep Libraries are getting rid of books to make way for technology Lizzie robinson seriously. When a female student, space to work in. unwanted items and are free to allegedly follically challenged in Other universities have given decide their own policy on what stock and services. a scheme,” said Mark Wolfson, her nether regions, wandered in different reasons for discarding to do with such books. Some fac- Some students have complained a second year SPS student from for some welfare advice, she got a so many books. Aston said they ulty libraries constantly offer used that such a scheme is either non- Emmanuel College. hands on demonstration. needed to create more space for books for sale to students. existent or poorly publicized at Other students have praised the Before she knew where she laptop areas, whilst Imperial Col- Roland Thomas, librarian at the their faculties. Several libraries university’s attempts in recent was (the old CUSU office, just lege London claimed that they Marshall Library of Economics, such as the SPS faculty library years to improve the availability to clarify) she found herself atop disposed of books which were no said: “The Marshall Library some- have a policy of offering books to of online resources. a desk, enjoying pleasure from longer of relevance. times offers several bays of worn the UL before offering them to Several series of books are avail- one officer while she dispensed The Cambridge University Li- duplicates and old editions to stu- students. “I think it’s a real shame able in an online format through it to another. One hopes that the brary and its dependent libraries, dents at low prices.” He added that that old books are hardly ever of- ebooks@cambridge, and ejour- welfare lubricant was close by to including the Medical Library and the library makes around £2500 fered to students at the SPS li- nals@cambridge provides over avoid any undesirable chafeage the Central Science Library, dis- from these sales every year, which brary when those studying other 29,000 titles for Cambridge stu- to one participant’s famously posed of 26,950 volumes of print- it uses to improve the library’s subjects clearly benefit from such dents online. rosy cheeks. Chief News Editors: Katherine Faulkner, Katy Lee and Camilla Temple Friday November 23 2007 6 NEWS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news BALL REVIEW Dancing with spiritual death Law Society Annual Ball In addition to masseurs and strip-tease, there were two dance- ★★★★★ floors, a team of make-up artists, a vodka luge, a casino, a hall full Lizzie Mitchell of video games and two chocolate fountains. One milk chocolate, one If you theme your ball on the sev- white. What glut of luxury! After en deadly sins you lay open clear all, who’d stick at one when your criteria for judgement. By your sponsors can buy two? There’s provision of possibilities for soul- nothing intrinsically wrong with and self-destroying excess you will two chocolate fountains, but by stand or fall. And I felt as though the time I reached them I reached they tried very hard, at the Cam- them I already had a strong sense bridge Law Society Annual Ball, that this was, at heart, not a ball to persuade me to sell my own soul but a cash-drenched corporate to Mammon, but in the end I sent it shindig, and that the ball com- home by the first coach for vespers mittee had simply thrown money and an early night. and sponsors at the problem and There was indeed excess. “13 per prayed that it would go away. cent and it’s got a bull on the front”, There was something very defi- said my dinner companion of the nitely missing from the Law Soc white wine in an auspicious start to Ball. The main issue was prob- the evening’s revelry. There were ably the setting. The Millennium more bars and alcoholic outlets than Grandstand at the Newmarket I managed to count, and the wells of Racecourses has about as much acqua di vita never seemed to be on charm as Kelsey Kerridge. Arch- the point of running dry. ways of balloons and film noir red In terms of outlay per per- neon lighting over the dinner ta- son, they’d certainly put up a bles did little to combat the feel- good show. The food was, if not ing that I ought to be leaving with amazing, at least expensive tast- at the very least a secure job and ing, the trio of melon set out to pension packet at the end of the look like a sort of fruity corpo- event to make the whole experi- rate handshake. Elsewhere, the ence worthwhile. Revellers at the Law Society ball, held at the Newmarket Racecourse Millennium Grandstand joshua davis masseurs were excellent and This was a night of people run- the smoothie bar approaching ning round trying to work out the sublime, and the music man- where the party was and failing to aged to keep us going for most of find it. It may have been the Mil- TEACH FIRST APPLICATION DEADLINE SOON! the night. One definite highlight lennium Grandstand that brought FRIDAY 30TH NOVEMBER – TO TEACH HISTORY and deserving of a digression the evening down. It may just was the rather marvellous “Miss have been the frequent reminders GEOGRAPHY, LANGUAGES OR CITIZENSHIP Honeyb’lush (burlesque)”. that we were there not by virtue of FRIDAY 28TH MARCH – ALL OTHER SUBJECTS God knows why anyone would our own efforts/pockets but by the VISIT WWW.TEACHFIRST.ORG.UK TO APPLY think of hiring a striptease artist munificence of the law society and as an hourly 5-minute break from their corporate friends. The last the DJ set, but Miss Honeyb’lush straw certainly came as we stood stood the test like a trooper. At waiting for the homeward coach. no point did she give you a chance Even in the lonely outbuilding to wonder whether she was sexy the loudspeaker managed to find or this was a titillating rou- us and ask us to raise our glass- tine. Fantastically gung-ho, she es one final time to “our spon- charged her way through the act sors, without whom none of this with true wartime spirit, beam- would have been possible”. At ing relentlessly as she stripped which point we snorted into our herself down to nipple pads and bacon butties (kindly sponsored ample girdle before strutting de- by Weil, Gotshal and Manges) terminedly off through the audi- and headed home to bed. I don’t ence with head held high and dig- know whether I sold my soul to nity still entirely intact. It was a the devil on Saturday night, but pretty masterly performance. they’d sure as hell sold theirs.

Will youÉ Do something different? Accelerate your career? Put something back? Inspire a generation? Change lives? Take a lead?

Whatever you do, Teach First.

www.teachÞ rst.org.uk

TF1227 Felix Deadline Ad.indd 1 14/11/07 12:38:26 Friday November 23 2007 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk/news 01223 337575 NEWS 7

Cancer breakthrough at Cambridge » Researchers may revolutionise cancer treatment with new imaging techniques

James Shepherd lieves that some new methods will eventually be able to “tell you within Cambridge researchers this week 12-24 hours whether treatment has outlined a new imaging method that been successful.” could fundamentally change the If successful, this method will im- ways in which we treat cancer. prove the effi ciency of drugs which Speaking at a talk organised by treat cancer. Brindle hopes that this the Scientifi c Society on Tuesday, drug will “assist in making the con- Professor Kevin Brindle from the cept of personalised medicine a re- Department of Biochemistry, said a ality… tailoring drug treatments to new technique could show whether specifi c patients”. He said that there a patient with cancer has responded is “a long way to go yet” before this to their treatment before the tumour drug will be available to patients, but actually shrinks. This could help the added, “we hope that it will be tested medical community move towards in the clinic in the next few years. It the longer term goal of personalised has to go through rigorous safety drug therapies. testing and also evaluation. Is it in- Chemotherapy, a common can- deed better in the clinic than other cer treatment, works by killing the currently used techniques?” cells that make up tumours, making Though the effi cacy of the drug them shrink and disappear. Tradi- has only been demonstrated in one tional methods in cancer testing, he type of tumour in mice, Brindle said said, rely on observing the tumours that this method can be applied to all shrinking, which means that patients tumours “in principle”, adding, “it “don’t know for weeks or months” remains to be established that the whether or not their treatment has technique we have developed for Professor Kevin Brindle outlines his new imaging method for the treatment of cancer TIM JOHNS been successful. detecting tumour response to treat- This method could detect whether ment will work in all tumours”. than administering a standard cock- He argued that scanning tech- were able to achieve a much higher the drug is working before the tu- Speaking about the recent advanc- tail of drugs there are choices to be niques provided a good way forward resolution adding “we are able to mour shrinks, speeding up the proc- es made in cancer therapy research, made in terms of the way to treat versus the conventional radiation- pick up small regions of the tumour ess of cancer treatment. Brindle be- Brindle commented that “rather patients”. based tracking because the methods dying.” Pakistan’s martial law condemned

Tom Moriarty “lost a lot of credibility when she Edit this. signed that deal,” which saw in- Cambridge students have called for vestigations into charges of cor- an end to media restrictions in Pa- ruption against her being dropped. Applications are still open for kistan and expressed concern over He added, “She is defi nitely not the viability of elections intended to the solution. She’s helped keep the positions on the Varsity Editorial be held in the country next year. military in power.” Around sixty students attended The emergency, imposed by Gen- Team for Lent Term 2008 the seminar last Tuesday at the eral Musharraf on November 3, has South Asian Studies Centre and resulted in the suspension of Paki- took part in a discussion follow- stan’s constitution, the sacking of Could you take control? ing short analyses of the political Supreme Court judges and crack- situation in Pakistan by speakers downs against any sources of oppo- Dr Kamal Munir, a senior lecturer sition to Musharraf’s regime. at Cambridge, and Akbar Zaidi, a Munir emphasised that the cur- leading Pakistani economist and rent crisis must be seen in the con- Info and application forms activist. text of Musharraf’s loss of support Discussion topics included the during his eight year rule, which at apparent complicity of the UK and has seen the government trying to the USA in supporting President gain the approval of Western pow- Pervez Musharraf’s regime and ers by fi ghting the “war on terror” www.varsity.co.uk/jobs whilst failing to solve recurring problems in the provision of health- care, education and access to clean “There are drinking water. When asked at the seminar about crackdowns against the alternatives to Musharraf and Bhutto, Munir answered, “It does any sources of not matter which one is in power, opposition to what matters is how they get into power.” He strongly condemned Musharraf’s regime” the imposition of the state of emer- Chief Subeditor gency. “Democracy is the process through which civil institutions are News Editor the continued support for Benazir strengthened,” he said. Arts Editor Bhutto, leader of the opposition Heather Bedi Plumridge, a geog- Pakistan People’s Party, in the raphy PhD Student who attended Features Editor Western press. the seminar, said that she has been Sports Editor Many students voiced support for “disappointed but not surprised by the struggles of Pakistani lawyers how the US media have desperate- Comment Editor and activists, and demanded an end ly clung to Bhutto as the answer to Fashion Editor Application deadline: to restrictions on the nation’s me- Pakistan’s challenges”. She urged dia. Others questioned the viabil- that the world should “let the peo- Music Editor November 25th, 5pm ity of elections scheduled to be held ple of Pakistan decide who should Photo Editor on January 8 2008 given the current lead them, not external nations restrictive climate of martial law. with deep pockets and anti-terror Letters Editor Speaking to Varsity after the agendas.” seminar, Munir criticised both Humeira Iqtidar, an SPS gradu- Theatre Editor Musharraf and Bhutto, who has re- ate student who organized the sem- cently returned to the country af- inar, has said that he may arrange Music Editor ter making an agreement with the another event for next year as the President. Munir said that Bhutto planned election date approaches. Visual Arts Editor e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Something to say? Friday November 23 2007 8 EDITORIAL&LETTERS [email protected] varsity.co.uk/news

Letter of the week will receive a bottle of wine from Letters to the editor our friends at Cambridge [email protected] Wine Merchants

Established in 1947 Issue No 667 Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RF Class Warriors damage the wellbeing of people Withdrawal from Telephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949 Having returned to live in Cam- less wealthy than himself it is rea- Nominations bridge after an interval of 42 sonable to take a charitable view Reading ‘View from The Gods’ years I was intrigued by the fact of the old buffer, but one does not this week, I could not help but that controversy still rages, as it expect “Varsity’s” critical faculties notice your third unfounded, did in the 1960s, about the virtues to be suspended altogether! unprovoked and inaccurate Designing the news and vices of private education. Stephen Halliday attack on ‘Fame the Musical.’ The arguments all overlook one Your description of Fame in the fact: that it would not be possible An Education Money ‘relegation zone of the Conference Varsity won a Guardian Student Media Award this week, for Best to abolish private schools. Any Can’t Buy League of artistic merit’ appears Design. Thrilling news, you might expect, for the throbbing egos in the attempt to do so would contravene It was a shame that the debate to disregard and disparage any editorial office. Except that none of them had anything to do with it. human rights conventions and in about private education was diversion in theatrical tastes aside An actor can be as brilliant as he likes, but if the sound and lighting the 1960s, when this nonsense was conducted on almost entirely fiscal from those of your writer. Such is dreadful and he is wearing the wrong costume in front of a terrible last mooted, it was no secret that terms (‘Should we abolish private oversights could be forgiven if it set then much of the talent gets lost. Varsity’s designers work with private schools would have sold education?’, 9th Nov). Whilst I weren’t for the fact that the basis flair and ingenuity to make sure the same doesn’t happen to our their very valuable properties and fully support Mr Maltby’s ideal of the article is incorrect. May I writers. relocated abroad. I suppose that of a universally high standard point out that ‘Fame the Musical’ This newspaper’s design, of which we are all justly proud, is the in such an eventuality class war- for state education, I fear that is punctuated as such, as stated by handiwork of a tiny, highly-skilled team who never feature in by-lines riors would have been deployed in the money he proposes we invest Joseph Weinberger Ltd on behalf and whose faces never adorn the banner. Yet their technical expertise the ports of our nation arresting would be largely wasted. of the Musical Theatre of New is what makes the paper tick. The look of the pages, the fonts, the any child attempting to travel As any teacher will tell you York throughout the contractual quality of the photos; without these, the spirit, and the writing, of the abroad in search of an education. there is only so much that can be obligations of the production and paper would be very different. The solution to the “problem” achieved in the six school hours on every piece of publicity related There is always the issue of whether design is better when it’s of private schools is to provide of each working day. Outside the to it. We are in fact not able to be subliminal, whether you ought to notice the typeface or the colour decent state-funded schools such school environment education nominated for Varsity’s ‘most-ob- of the dotted lines. In newspaper design especially, the boundaries as the one that sent me to Pem- ought to continue in a home en- noxiously-punctuated-play award between recognition and non-recognition are a tricky line to tread. broke in 1961 and which has since vironment which values learning (2007).’ On one level you want the design of a broadcasting medium to be as highly. As numerous studies have Tim Carlton Jones innocuous as possible, to present the news straight and plain in such shown, children starting primary Trinity College a way that you don’t even notice the manner of presentation. But school can have wildly differ- with news now available and updated every minute of the day, one of ing abilities based largely on the the main selling points of a newspaper is the fact that you can hold it educational input that has already Haiku for the end of term in your hands. The Guardian made its own view, that the ballpark in begun in the home. Such input which it was playing was no longer just about the news, clear with a End of Michelmas continues to be pivotal throughout Christmas present hastens here radical redesign in 2005. school life. However subliminal and understated you like your newspaper Trebuchets on lawns been obliged to seek refuge in the Aside from smaller classes, bet- Ted Decomines design, there always comes a point at which tribute must be paid. private sector. ter facilities and higher standards Production is not just about pressing buttons and waiting for things One of the class warriors patrol- of behaviour (and the high-quality to appear in place. Varsity would never be able to appear without ling the ports would no doubt teachers attracted by such things) the people who design it and deal with its production crises, taking have been Tony Benn (Westmin- I would say that the real value Apology headshots which never get credited, making sure that things with ster and Oxford) with whom you of private education is in putting Our review of Othello (Issue 666, page 30) funny names like tracking and leading and standfirsts happen in the was misleading and Varsity apologises published an interview last week. one’s child into a community to everyone involved in the production. right way at the right time, making bad photographs look good and He is now seen as a rather cuddly which values learning both inside Our reviewer did not watch the second good photographs look better. How many people know what balancing old fellow, uttering platitudes by the classroom and in the home. part of the play and to comment on it was a photo means? They never taught you that at school. For all the the score. It is easy to forget that As long as there are still parents unacceptable. Varsity does not condone this training in full stops and split infinitives and for all the emphasis kind of dishonesty and always endeavours to in the 1970s he and his associates that are disinterested in their review fairly and accurately. placed on form within a piece of writing, the way in which it appears came close to wrecking the British children’s education no amount of on the page goes completely ignored. Economy by providing zillions of money will transform state educa- Correction and clarification There is a common tendency to undervalue the role of design. taxpayers money to the National tion to bring the best out in our In the article “University replace diversity Especially in an academic arena like Cambridge, where content over Enterprise Board. Their task was young people. Our culture must officer with consultants” (Issue 666, page form wins, in theory, every time, we rarely think about the world full 9) we referred to Andrew Walko. In fact to “pick winners” by injecting this be transformed and unfortunately the CUSU Welfare Officer is Andrea Walko. of conscious design which surrounds us, influencing the way we think money into such “enterprises” as that is something money cannot In the same article we failed to make it and behave without our knowing it. Not just the spacing between the British Leyland and Inmos, which buy. sufficiently clear that the University is pictures and squiggles in a newspaper, but the typography of street was going to set the computer Michael Bigg currently recruiting for a permanent Head signs, the shape of any printed propaganda (A3, A4, A5 A?), the of Equality and Diversity, and the team of world alight. Wolfson College consultants referred to are only an interim countless ideas which it is impossible to transmit from brain to brain Now that he is no position to measure. in a purely conceptual way, and for which we have to resort to old fashioned journals, papers and books. It’s very hard to isolate what’s written on the page from the fact that it’s written on the page and the way in which it’s written on the page. There is an assumption that design ought to just happen, quietly, confess without impinging on the people doing the important things like writing articles. It doesn’t. We are very proud that the careful, expert to hours that the Production and Design team have dedicated to the newspaper have been nationally recognised.

Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 the free copies to every Cambridge college and to ARU each week.

Editors Lizzie Mitchell and Elliot Ross [email protected] Associate Editor Lowri Jenkins associate@ varsity.co.uk Chief News Editors Katherine Faulkner, Katy Lee and Camilla Temple news@varsity. co.uk Comment Editor Tom Bird [email protected] Features Editor Ed Cumming features@ Bishop varsity.co.uk Arts Editor George Grist [email protected] Interviews Editor Jossie Clayton interviews@ varsity.co.uk Chief Sport Editors Simon Allen and George Towers [email protected] Senior News Reporter Emma Inkester [email protected] Letters Editor Jo Trigg letters@varsity. co.uk Science Editors James Shepherd and Hannah Price [email protected] Fashion Editors Iona f Ely Carter, Emma Draper and Francesca Perry [email protected] Visual Arts Editor Sam Ensor- Rose [email protected] Theatre Editor Orlando Reade [email protected] Literature Editor Orlando Reade [email protected] Chief Music & Listings Editors Joshua Farrington and Verity Simpson [email protected], [email protected] Classical Editor Toby Chadd classical@varsity. co.uk Sports Editor Noel Cochrane [email protected] Copy Editor Pete Coulthard Chief Subeditor Dylan Spencer-Davidson [email protected] Chief Photo Editor Lizzie Robinson [email protected] Chief Photographers Richard Gardner, Debbie Scanlan, Chris Thwaite [email protected] Online Editor Kathryn Maude [email protected] Online Team [email protected] Technical Director Chris Wright [email protected] Business & Advertising Manager Michael Derringer [email protected] Company Secretary Patricia Dalby [email protected] Board of Directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof Peter Robinson, Tom Walters, Amy Goodwin (Varsoc President), Chris Wright, Michael Derringer, Joe Gosden, Natalie Woolman, Lizzie Mitchell, Elliot Ross

NEWSPAPERS Varsity Publications, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Anything to declare? Sniffed SUPPORT Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity RECYCLING is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also some scandal? Recycled paper made up 80.6% of the raw publishes BlueSci, The Cambridge Globalist and The Mays. ©2007 material for UK Post your secrets to us or newspapers in 2006 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in RECYCLING email [email protected] any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Mortons Print Ltd — Newspaper House, Morton Way, All submissions remain Horncastle, Lincolnshire LN9 6JR. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office. totally anonymous Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section varsity.co.uk/comment [email protected] ROSTRUM 9

Dwelling on death row

Sunny Jacobs, a young wife and mother, was convicted of murder in 1973. After seventeen years on death row, she was released. Her husband, sentenced with her, was less fortunate. She lost him to the electric chair. Later, Sunny visited Northern Ireland to make a speech for Amnesty International, where she met her second husband, Peter Pringle, who had been handed the death penalty for his supposed involvement in a bank robbery in 1980. They spoke to Edith Lai about their experiences of a justice system that failed them.

was the first woman on the chose God, and it was my belief in asked to identify the third man of everybody suffers accordingly. death row, sentenced for a Him that kept me going. I realized the gang of robbers, he pointed at Nonetheless, pain is inevitable ‘ crime I did not commit, by that the authorities cannot take a guy on the balcony in court. I was but suffering is optional. If I had witnesses coerced into giv- my life even when they come to standing right in front of him. But not gone through this, I wouldn’t ingI false testimonies and a judge execute me. My life belongs to me. his evidence was overturned. The have met Sunny and become in desperate to convict. Then two very special events only evidence against me was a love with her. At first I was bitter In 1973, I was twenty-seven and happened. The first was one day, statement I made after 43 hours of and full of resentment, but those the mother of two children - a son when the food tray came, I noticed interrogation which was along the feelings harm me in the end. They who was nine and a daughter of a neatly folded napkin. To me, it lines of “I think I might be involved do not help me or anybody else. ten-months. I was separated from meant I was a human being that but on the advice of my solicitor I I decided that I couldn’t judge the father and met Jesse Tafero, deserved to be treated as such. am not going to be saying that.” But whom I later discovered had been The second was that one day I was that alone was enough to sentence only recently released from prison. given a newspaper. I found and me to death, in 1980. One day, one of Jesse’s friends kept a very nice picture of food in I have two jailers with me “When I was released, gave us a lift. We were driving on it. I would use toothpaste to stick watching me all the time. Again, a Florida freeway and took a break the picture up on the back of the similar to Sunny, no interaction I had no social in a rest area. Two policeman came door when I got my meal. I then with me was allowed. The worst and checked on us. The driver was ripped the rest of the newspaper was when I was sitting with the security number, no carrying an illegal firearm. When and weaved it into two mats, one two jailers, who were having a the police discovered it, he shot to cover up the loo, and another conversation about my execu- money, no job, and them both. A car chase followed one to sit on. I realized that I had tion, as if I don’t exist. They were no passport. I got no and came to an end with our ar- ‘servants’ who brought my meals wondering if they would get extra rest. Even the children were taken and washed my dishes! I also pay for doing it. This kind of thing apology; you have into custody. started yoga meditation. I began to dehumanizes the jailers too. A prolonged interrogation see myself as a spirit, not a body. I realize they did not control my to go to court if you ensued, followed by a four-day mind and spirit. I began to ignore trial. The driver had asked for them. My application for appeal want one.” a plea bargain and avoided the was rejected. My lawyers tried to death penalty. Jesse and I, though “Twice a week I apply for clemency, but I refused. innocent, were not so lucky. The It was about my innocence and only evidence against me was the was allowed a ten- more importantly, my pride. To ap- anyone of their wrong actions. It is statement I made after forty-three ply for clemency was to admit that only between that person and God. hours of interrogation which was minute shower. It I had done it. It’s not my business to judge. So I along the lines of, “I think I might was a process of Then ten days before my execu- choose to follow a path of healing be involved but on the advice of tion they commuted the sentence, and forgiveness. I found peace. my solicitor I am not going to be dehumanization.” so I was bought into the prison I believe that peace starts at saying that”. I was convicted for population. Now I had three an individual level. In the context murder and sentenced to death. options. I could spend 40 years of Northern Ireland, the proc- They put me in a tiny cell which in prison; I could kill myself, but ess started in prisons where the was six steps from one end to an- then they would say I did it out prisoners had dialogues with the other and as wide as my arm span. Everyone, including my guards, of remorse of my ‘crime’. I went other side. They discovered that No one was allowed to communi- are also spirits, going through the for the third option: I studied law they have things in common and cate with me – no gesturing or eye journey of life. I let go of my anger in the prison. At first my anger if they continue to fight, their contact – and if they did so they and stopped judging them.” stopped from concentrating. So I children would go to prison. So would be punished. I was given tried to meditate, and slowly the they expressed their views to a number. I was locked up on my ollowing her release in anger began to leave me, and I those outside. Then there was a own, with no books, no letters and 1992, Sunny worked for discovered I have a talent for law. referendum and the majority voted no visits. I could only wear those Amnesty International. In 1992 I saw a snippet on the for peace. In the past 13 years white pyjamas that they gave me. She was invited to speak newspaper about Sunny’s release young people are not brought up in Twice a week I was allowed a ten- Fat an event in Northern Ireland. which inspired me. So after 12 hatred and segregation. They grew minute shower. It was a process of Here she met her second husband, years, I took my case to the High up with a consideration for each dehumanization. Peter Pringle, whose experiences Court. I was released in 1995 after other. Northern Ireland is a power- Initially, I was angry, then with the justice system paralleled 14 years and 10 months in prison. ful example of peace and recon- afraid. This was followed by confu- her own: When I was released, I had no ciliation, used internationally as a sion and frustration. I felt the “I was born in Dublin and I was social security number, no money, model for peace. It shows that each need to keep a journal; I needed a republican. I have been a politi- no job, and no passport. I got no little person can use their example to express myself. I somehow got cal activist all my life and in my apology; you have to go to court to affect other people. They can a little pencil, and occasionally I youth I was imprisoned. In 1980 again if you want one. My family make a difference. would find a small piece of paper. there was a bank robbery at the and friends helped me, though the We can also easily lose sight on When I ran out, I would use toilet place I was living. The police and anger was still with me. I went those human rights that are earned paper. It kept me honest. the robbers exchanged fire while back to meditation. Then in 1999 very hardly. Many before us have I later got a Bible. I was angry they were running away. Two were I finally met Sunny and we have struggled through many difficulties with God for letting this happen to caught but the third man got away. been living together ever since. to gain those rights. And there are my family. My parents were devas- The media was writing about the We do not have sufficient ac- many people out there trying to tated. They picked up my daugh- case speculatively, and the authori- countability in the society to check dilute these rights. We must guard ter when she was released two ties wanted to shut them up. So the legal process. Society puts too them and defend them.” weeks later, but my son was held they set me up. I was arrested at much pressure on the police for re- in custody for two months. He was 3pm on a Sunday, and interrogated sults. In my case, the police officer Sunny and Peter are currently work- so traumatized that he had to go for over twelve hours the next day. who arrested him was promoted, ing on their new book about their to a special school. But I preferred One of the police officers refused and the one who refused to testify lives together. hopefulness over hopelessness, so I to testify against me. When he was against me was not promoted. So Ja m e s Shedden Comment editor: Tom Bird Friday November 23 2007 10 COMMENT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/comment

Josh Farrington Pop censure A challenge to Cambridge’s cultural prejudice

Another week has gone by, and we love pop culture. I love it, and Spice Girls entire back catalogue dictated to by a received wisdom shows to the most elite art gallery. are drawing closer to the NUS Ex- I’m not afraid to admit it. It (Spice, Spiceworld, Forever, and that has never been questioned, In all areas, there will be a few traordinary Conference on govern- doesn’t worry me that I know now the new Greatest Hits) and there is simply no need to put the genuine innovators, crafting their ance reform, an antidemocratic coup more about Bloc Party than I admit that you like it, or buzz off two in opposition in the first place. work with passion, intelligence, by the union leadership, which Pete Ido about Beethoven. Neither am back up your ivory tower with your High culture and pop culture can and integrity, and then there will Coulthard shamefully championed I concerned that I can quote more Miles Davis and your brie. You’re co-exist perfectly happily, with no be the rest, derivative, heart- in CUSU. The Labour Students’ Simpsons than I can Shakespeare. not doing anyone any good with all need for the condescension that is less, and dull. Pop culture exists spin-mills are whirring faster and In fact, it unsettles me to think your ineffectual pretending, least of currently rife. I’m perfectly happy on a far broader scale than the faster as opposition to this latest at- that when people in Cambridge all pop culture itself. to let those who take pleasure traditional arts, and thus its sins tack on NUS democracy grows: Wes pubs are discussing Homer, they Pop culture deserves to be from Wolfgang and Co. get on are rendered across a far wider Streeting recently went on record probably aren’t talking about an rescued from this shallow middle with it, just as long as I can carry panorama, but this doesn’t mean describing leftwing opponents of the overweight nuclear technician ground of faux-nostalgic preten- on enjoying my choice of music we should neglect its manifold reforms as “individuals with vested from Springfield. It disturbs me sion, because it has an inher- without facing howls of derision. positives. So much pop culture interests”. Frankly, if we’re on the that I’m the odd one out. ent value of its own. I wouldn’t Of course, not all pop culture is is bursting with wit and ingenu- look-out for “vested interests” at Pop culture is a much-maligned want to dramatically overstate worthy of defence. I’d be the first ity, but we only feel safe with it work within the NUS it might make thing these days, and to be fair, by either raising it to the status more sense to examine the political it’s as just as much the fault of of “proper” art (see Banksy, for record of Streeting’s organisation, people who claim to support it example), or by carefully segregat- Labour Students. as those who insistently deride ing it, seeing it only as “pop”, a A group of hacks who, in my it. The problem is one of irony. clever use of modern references opinion, never miss an opportunity In Cambridge especially, our and sly pastiche. Andy Warhol and to support government policy, or to supreme smugness about the fact Roy Lichtenstein understood that smother all attempts at meaningful we’ve just read some Kierke- pop and high culture could inform political campaigning, yet all the gaard, or written an essay on one another, but their revolution while trumpet their credentials as theoretical cosmology, means that was never completed, as we can “radicals” and posture as “fighters when we come to something una- tell each time we mark a legitimate for students”... Could such a group shamedly pop-cultural, we treat it pleasure down as a “guilty” one. possibly be described as pursuing with contempt, like a tawdry piece We’re not on trial anymore people. “vested interests”? Labour Students of junk food compared to proper, Let’s move on. Vladimir Nabokov, make little attempt to disguise the Michelin-starred fare. Sure, you one of the foremost literary minds fact that their leadership is angling might surreptitiously have a Big of the last century, enjoyed nothing for high-flying jobs in Westminster, Mac now and again, and maybe more than a can of cold beer while and view strict political obedience you’ll really like it, but you don’t watching football on the telly. We to the government as vital for their take it seriously, and if you do can all learn from that. career prospects; and yet they have admit to liking it, it’ll only be in a Lauren Hill The cynics amongst you mock the gall to describe leftwing student patronising, vaguely post-modern me, or hate me, or perhaps even activists as self-seeking manipula- kind of way. this value – for example, I’m not to point out that there’s a world pity me. You’ll think I’m a moron, tors. I admire Streeting’s daring, if These are the worst kind of arguing that the Manic Street of difference between the kind of an ignoramus, a pleb. But I’m also nothing else. people – too snobbish to truly admit Preachers are better than Mozart, quality you’ll find on something well-informed, critically aware, But why, in the face of such op- their predilections for pop culture, but then again, we shouldn’t like The Simpsons and the sort of and what is more, I’m happy. And position from corrupt and right-wing but too cowardly to renounce their perpetuate a belief that Mozart is low-brow mass-produced swill that anyway, all you nay-sayers will bureaucrats, do activists continue dalliances with it, and limit them- intrinsically better that the Man- forms the vast and sickly majority have to speak up: I’m wearing a working in the NUS? Given that An- selves only to the rarefied pleasures ics just because one is high culture of TV, music, and cinema. But this towel. And if that reference leaves nual Conference represents nothing of the pompous intellectual. Please. and the other isn’t. Quite aside is the case in any field of the arts, you scratching your head, then but an annual love-in for rightwing Either own up, and say you own the from the fact that we shouldn’t be from the dregs of all-night game Sirs, I pity you. hacks with no more intention of organising students to fight for free education than has Margaret Thatcher, why don’t we go and set something better up? Nick Because, although student partici- pation in the NUS is at an all-time Clegg A delicate balance low, NUS is a mass student organisa- tion, and as such has potential not British liberties are threatened by ‘anti-terror’ legislation merely to be extremely powerful, but also to be very radical. Why pow- erful? Easy: NUS is massive, and it has a very large budget. Granted, generation of populist honey pot for fraudsters. touchstone issue for me. And if the traded away so lightly. very few members of the NEC governments have unbal- The loss of 25 million child benefit government succeeds in extending It is not just our ancient British lib- actually bother to shift out of the anced the delicate balance recipients’ data this week shows it beyond 28 days, repealing that erties at stake however. It is also our London office to talk to members, between the power of the just how easy it is for a foolish “jun- extension will be second on my list. safety from terrorism. There is no and the massive budget is being Astate, and the power of individual ior official” - or a malicious fraud- The Government has decided to question in my mind that these heady thrown away on useless discount citizens. ster - to compromise data when it’s continue to push for an extension debates have a negative effect on cards and sky-high fees for manage- We see it in the headlines week so poorly protected. to pre-charge detention when there efforts on the ground to stop home- ment consultants, but if the NUS after week: headline-grabbing an- I believe that the compulsory is not a shred of evidence that it is grown radicalisation taking root. started behaving like a real union nouncements designed for the con- imposition of ID cards is an issue so necessary. The Home Secretary has Of course extremists and preach- and mobilising its members, that sumption of the tabloid newspapers. at odds with everything I believe admitted she cannot indicate a single ers of hate will seek to radicalise could change rapidly. Why radical? Proposals that do little to make us is best about Britain, that I have case where an extended period of youngsters within their communi- Because, no matter how desperately safer, but eat away at basic British pledged never to register, never to detention would have been needed. ties whatever we do. But surely we the bureaucrats spin, no amount liberties those previous generations submit my details to the Identity It seems the Government is have learnt by now that breathless of white wine receptions for New died to protect. Detention with- Register, and never to carry a card. scrabbling around for ideas to justi- talk about the “war on terror” or Labour ministers can change the fact out trial. Control orders. Identity I’ve received some stick for this fy a solution that they have already sloppy anti-terror legislation gives that students have certain unalter- Cards. The world’s largest DNA decision. But there is a long and decided upon. We already have the them needless additional ammuni- able material interests. database, with records on over a honourable tradition of civil disobe- longest period of pre-charge deten- tion with which to sustain their We don’t want to pay through million innocent people. dience in this country. Many of the tion in the Western world – how can twisted grievances? the nose for education and we don’t That’s why I have proposed a values we hold dearest today were they justify extending it on such As the national debate on terror- want to see our universities run Freedom Bill: a single act to roll only won after individuals made scant evidence? ism matures, our aim should remain like private companies, clamping back a generation of illiberal legisla- sacrifices and campaigned to win This 28-day issue will hijack steadfast and simple: to protect both down on free speech and closing tion and restore the proper balance them. And equally those values can the debate on the anti-terror Bill, our lives and our liberties, and to “unprofitable” small departments. between our rights as people, and only be maintained by a willing- even though on almost all the other refuse to accept that one requires And furthermore, these facts place the government’s power. ness to fight hard to protect them. matters in the legislation there the sacrifice of the other. students in direct opposition to the And the first clause, of the first Sometimes politicians have a duty is a broad consensus – between If we are to restore that precious government’s agenda. The weight of section, would repeal the 2006 to lead by example, and sometimes government , opposition parties, balance between people and their these economic realities is propelling Identity Cards Act. Because it is politicians have to act according to and campaigning organisations like government, we will have to take students towards a fight. It must this piece of legislation which most their conscience as a human being, Liberty and Justice. a stand on this issue, on Identity therefore be propelling our mass infringes on our traditional British not as a legislator. Why, when there is so much we Cards, and more. As leader of the organisation towards a fight, if only freedom. I am firmly of the view that if agree on, have they made a bee Liberal Democrats I will make sure it becomes reinvigorated, and truly The government claims ID cards enough people, and I have been line for something so divisive? Do my party defends our civil liber- mass. Only one thing can change this will protect us from identity fraud. overwhelmed by the support of they feel forced to uphold a promise ties to the last, no matter what this – if NUS is effectively destroyed as They are living in a dream world. thousands of people for my position Gordon Brown made last year to se- cynical, authoritarian government a democratic, mass organisation by The ID card database will, in ef- –most notably Shirley Williams - are cure 90-day detention, a promise he proposes. these proposed rightwing govern- fect, put massive amounts of our willing to take a stand with me we made as he was trying to secure the ance reforms. And that’s why Street- personal, private details into a giant can bring down the ID cards project. key to Number 10? The principle of Nick Clegg is a candidate for the ing wants them. box marked “steal me”. It will be a Detention without trial is another habeas corpus is too precious to be Liberal Democrat leadership. Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/comment [email protected] COMMENT 11

I don’t know about you, but this Idler’s totally spent. In fact, since this is a newspaper, grossly over- spent. In times like these, I am empathetically reminded of Tingles, my gout-ridden pet chinchilla, for whom the nice man in the white coat prescribed “a good long sleep”. Indeed I day-dreamt such a ‘sleep’ would be my lot during the supervision I just attended. In the event, the occasion more closely resembled a Nuremberg Trial than an elitist academic privilege, except I had neither shiny buttons to ad- mire nor the excuse that I had been ordered to commit my crime of copying and pasting the entirety of my plagiarised introduction into my (now doubly plagiarised) conclusion. It’s not my fault. I have, quite simply, been here for too long. I even conducted a nostalgic inspec- tion of a tree the other day just to remind me of what salad looks like. And yesterday I hailed the Head Porter as “Dad”, and inexplicably intimated to him that I could no longer remember which way round boxer shorts should be worn. How am I supposed to function academi- cally and extra-curricularly, when I feel about as on top of my game as a dormant owl which is being roguishly defecated upon by a rov- ing band of bran-flake-munching dormice (dormice: game; get it?) Nor am I the sole contributor to Asad this orgy of loathsome lethargy. I was recently informed by the cap- Kiyani Dancing with the Devil tain of the newly-formed Blues pro- crastination team that a despairing The overthrow of the President isn’t good news for Pakistan clique of academics have channelled their pedantry into a mischievous bid to add ‘lecture hall’ to the entry for ‘dormitory’ in Roget’s latest thesaurus. Similarly, I hear that man dies and is told he is going to politics. First, he and the Muttahida Quami Sharif was nearly as bad financially, and also unprecedented demand has driven Hell. On arrival, Satan takes him on Movement (MQM) sabotaged a political rally to twice amended the constitution to ensure there Sainsbury’s to strike a lucrative la- a tour. Everywhere they go, there support the Chief Justice with an opposing rally. were almost no checks on the power of the Prime bour deal with the Cambridgeshire are giant holes in the ground. Mas- The orchestrated conflict between protesters led Minister’s office. Their only saving grace is they Constabulary for assistance from Asive trolls stand guard with swords and maces. inevitably to the deaths of over 40 people. are not in the armed forces. Instead of military convicts to package microwaveable Satan explains that each pit is for people from In spite of the violence, the CJP managed to might, they use hollow voting and rigged elec- macaroni cheese. one particular country, and the trolls ensure no get reinstated. Musharraf gambled again and tions to create a veneer of democracy. one escapes. “What about that hole over there,” entered into a power-sharing agreement with The press was always free during their asks the man, pointing at a hole with no guards. former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto. She reigns, and would freely publish details of which “That one?” says the Devil. “That one’s for the and her hideously opportunistic Pakistan Peo- government officers were receiving bribes and “Yesterday I Pakistanis – each time one of them gets close to ples Party would form a new government, with from whom. Nothing came of this, because inexplicably hailed the top, the rest pull him back down.” Musharraf as a relatively powerful President. nobody cared to do anything until the opposi- It’s clear now that Pakistani President The trade-off? Bhutto and the PPP would not tion decided it was their turn to suck away the the Head Porter as Pervez Musharraf is about to become the lat- have to face up to the myriad of corruption country’s wealth. est casualty of this attitude. Still, if he indeed charges that had been lingering since the late Exactly the same thing is happening now. ‘Dad’” deserves such a fate, surely he deserved it 1990s. From local human rights officials to overseas well before now. Yet instead of getting his just It was a win-win deal, except for an increas- Pakistani student groups, there is an outcry reward in a timely manner, Musharraf will be about the state of emergency declared by Eight weeks is an unreasonably subject to the same opportunism and short- Musharraf and demands for a return to the rule long time. It is too long. It is unac- sightedness that dominates Pakistani politics of law. Even Canadian lawyers are marching. ceptable. Put in context, even Anne and ensures the country remains impoverished “In Musharaff’s absence, The only question is where have they been? Widdecombe’s mother, I’ll wager, and concretely underdeveloped. the country will fall back Why now, and why not for all the disappeared, didn’t have to undergo eight weeks Musharraf’s presence as a military-politician the uncounted victims of the war on terror who of labour. Drug companies would has been tolerated in the West by his willingness into the hands of the same have been imprisoned in the thousands without have twice the number of share- as an ally in the war on terror. Unfortunately, trials or charges? What about the first time holders if the competitors of the he’s recently shredded his credibility by acting animals who have spent the Musharraf removed a Chief Justice and installed Tour de France had to endure an as a dictator, attempting to mute the courts, the one he just fired? What about all his corrupt eight-week cycle. Someone should political rivals and the media. Thousands have last sixty years tearing it up.” allies, some of whom are implicated in the same do something about it. been jailed or put under house arrest as Mush- schemes as Sharif and Bhutto’s husband? What Terms must be shortened arraf desperately tries to consolidate power. about the amnesty given to Bhutto, or the col- dramatically to fortnight-long Should he fail, the execrable vultures of Paki- ingly independent judiciary. Among the cases lusion in the Karachi atrocities with the MQM? duodecimesters, with a strict ban stani politics have been circling for months and the Supreme Court was set to rule on were the And why not when Bhutto, Sharif, and the MQM on work imposed on Fridays to are ready to swoop and pick away at what’s left legality of Musharraf continuing in his dual roles spent a decade mercilessly ravaging the country? dodge the detrimentally disgrun- of the nation’s carcass. as Chief of Army Staff and President, as well In Musharraf’s absence, the country will fall tling implications of fifth-day With the fall of Musharraf, Pakistanis will no as the amnesty granted to the PPP. A nega- back into the hands of the same animals who blues. Work materials should be longer have to worry about how many media tive decision in either case would have scuttled have spent the last sixty years tearing it up. categorically confiscated between outlets operate in the country, but just about Musharraf’s hopes of maintaining power and Whereas there was hope for progress under duodecimesters to prevent the who is looting the country’s coffers and stash- opened the door for Bhutto and her rival Nawaz Musharraf, who at least reduced the scale of keen injustice of clandestine scrib- ing the rupees in Dubai, Suffolk and Norman- Sharif to re-enter domestic politics without the corruption, his political successors will only bling. Proctors should be retitled dy. In other words, they’ll be free to go back general’s benediction. worsen the situation. Yet the brave souls who ‘Delocutors’ and perform the to their ordinary lives with a failing education Bhutto and Sharif spent most of the 1990s are only now lining up to tear down the bat- sole duty of arresting the larynx system, entrenched poverty, no health care, trading the prime minister’s post between them. tered general and open the door to the regres- of anyone discovered toiling in and rigged elections. Both were brought down by corruption allega- sion and stagnation of the past don’t care. As contravention of this measure: in Musharraf made two fatal mistakes, starting tions, until Sharif tried to remove Musharraf long as they can claim a role in his downfall, all probability the culprits will be with the first time he fired the Supreme Court’s from his post and the general engineered a coup their intermittent appetite for politics will have the bastards who ask questions in Chief Justice. He might have overcome that had to save himself. Bhutto’s husband was widely been satisfied. As Pakistan slowly descends lectures. Lastly, I propose a ban on he not then attempted to shore up his position known as Mr Ten Percent, and documents from back into its special place in purgatory, the Cliff Richard records. Cliff Richard by getting in bed with the dregs of Pakistani across Europe confirm the couple’s thievery. Devil doesn’t just watch – he is within us. is an idiot. This man is Friedrich Nietzsche. He believed that one should aspire to become der Übermensch Brightest Strongest Fastest Loudest Weirdest Prettiest Biggest Fittest Nicest Funniest Cleverest Worst Best. the

Nominate your friends. Nominate your enemies. Nominate yourself. [email protected] 0 Friday November 23 2007 varsity.co.uk

Reviews Once upon a time at the ADC... p28

FVIEWEATURES ARTS THEATRE FOOD MUSIC VISUAL ARTS FASHION LIFESTYLE LISTINGS

One Question Shouldn’t we be allowed pets? Ollie Southall

Performing preliminary packing of my Peter Crouch deluxe edi- tion memorabilia, I was listening to Elton John’s hit parade smash Honky Cat (1972). Distracted momentarily from the limby Liv- erpudlian by an air-bass solo, the thought of my own supine felines Alan and Keith (named after in- ternational heroes Chegwin and Shearer) entered my head. Now be assured, there’s noth- ing better on a cold Christmas morning than waking to see lazy Alan curled at the foot of my bed and naughty Keith depositing yet another dead Robin Red- breast onto my slippers. These musings on my absent feline friends made apparent a terri- ble absence: on my return from another unsuccessful outing to Cambridge nightspot Ballare, there would be no lazy Alan, no naughty Keith, only the sweaty charms of my gibbering neigh- bour, Whittington. There can be only one response to this outrage: a howl of emptiness. Where are the pets of Cambridge? Several historical figures attest the value of animal company. Swashbuckling moggie Captain Haddock (see Facebook) per- forms more pastoral duties in John’s and Magdalene than Las-

Tim Johns sie or that Dolphin who rescues TIM JOHNS hapless floaters. Everyone knows that Byron kept a bear in Trinity and hardly anyone knows that my friend Harry’s uncle tried to trump this for originality with a pet Purple Heron. Surely it’s clear that neither would have Spot The Difference been so successful without the help of their beast buddies. Captain Haddock has saved many a student from the ague of Chris Huhne and Nick Clegg both claim they want to make a difference. But, late night essay writing. Having the sleek ninja slink through as they scrap it out for the Liberal Democrat leadership, it is very difficult to one’s window and settle himself brazenly on the keyboard soothes tell them apart. They come from identical backgrounds and seem to promote both mind and soul. The sight of that nocturnal scamp settling identical policies. Bob Thomas and Joshua Sutton spoke to both of them and himself lovingly into a mound of musty socks is a universal found a wealth of similarities. prophylaxis to the body’s aches and stresses. From whence does this evil he Liberal Democrat party journalist, instead argues 21st November, as the candi- to speak to each candidate prohibition derive? Why does the is in the throes of a dramat- that the party cries out for his dates met for hustings, was pal- individually, to give them the university prolong this vile em- Tic leadership struggle. Chris alternative brand of “freedom, pable. One gentleman wore both chance to try and distinguish bargo depriving its members of Huhne, an Oxbridge graduate, opportunity and ‘reaching out’”. a knitted hat and cycle helmet, themselves. Bob Thomas spoke the obvious pleasures and subtle Westminster alumnus and The choice risks tearing the presumably in case something first to Chris Huhne... delights of the pet? Man cannot former journalist, insists that party apart, as “the issues” are dangerous happened. Predictably enough, the con- life with goldfish alone, students the party needs him, leading thrashed out, some liberals hav- Nothing did. Instead, both versation drove towards educa- will not, cannot, tolerate this Or- the charge forwards towards a ing to accept that the core value candidates replied in accordance tion. Mr Huhne had previously wellian diktat for long. Did not country which is “free, fair, and of “freedom” might fall at the with the party manifesto to a criticised the Labour handling of Adam and Eve abide in harmony in which opportunity abounds.” wayside, being replaced by the series of banal and uncontrover- educational reform, suggesting with the beasts? The murmur- His distinctive rival, Nick ideal of “a free society.” sial questions, re-iterating the that it had assumed a “market ings of unrest grow stronger by Clegg, Oxbridge graduate, West- The tension in Wolfson Hall, almost complete similarity of oriented” character, a refer- the hour. This university faces minster alumnus and former Churchill College on Wednesday their views. We had the chance ence to top-up fees, outsourcing a stark decision: let the animals back (and improve grades) or Continues on next page meet most animal rebellion. Features Editor: Ed Cumming Friday November 23 2007 14 VIEWPoints [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features

Spot the Difference... Continued from p13 and city academies. “A sensible campaign offi ce, entitled “Ca- truly committed to a nuclear- Statistic of the week position for the party to take is lamity Clegg” (now renamed free situation would scrap to defend our position on top-up “Nick Clegg in the media on Britain’s nuclear weapons fi rst Lyrical Genius fees, so that people can have a public services reform and as a sign of real commitment to university education, without proportional representation” the process? leaving university with exces- following a swift apology from While his attitude towards sive debt.” A similar challenge Chris’ camp). Although the title America is cool (he is particu- is laid against the Labour move of the document was its only larly critical of the government’s to send 50% of school-leavers to offensive quality, I asked Chris decision to endorse “Son of Star further education and univer- if the perceived ad hominem Wars” weapons placements), sity. Although supportive of a attack on Clegg from his camp his fondness for the European general increase in the number would limit his capacity to Union is nothing but total. of school-leavers moving into attack Nick’s policies for the Although he makes the predict- higher education, on the quix- remainder of the campaign. “I able points about the EU being otic grounds that “we will only made an apology for what was vital for managing the substan- survive as a civilised society if clearly an inappropriately titled tial international issues of our we’re living on our wits; brain- document. Nick’s accepted the day, such as climate change, power rather than brawn-pow- apology and that’s the end of he fails to address a question er,” He feels the drive towards the story,” states Chris, avoid- regarding whether or not his particular, prescribed targets to ing the opportunity to make policy of making sure that be unwise. any specifi c policy criticisms, power rests with people on a Melua Brainiac The calming warmth with along with the opportunity to local level, sits at odds with his As the great songstress Katie Yet not only does this throw which Chris discusses educa- answer my question. fondness for the EU. Melua once sang, there are nine the population fi gure into doubt, tion policy had a strangely The parallel interview with After the interviews, the hus- million bicycles in Beijing. And but it also looms large over the relaxing effect and I listened Nick Clegg was intended to tings was a sad sight to behold. regardless of the Alan-Partridg- authenticity of that ostensibly at length to his plans to reform highlight the differences be- The questions raised by the esque tone of the following lyric more concrete fi rst verse. Are the education system from tween the two candidates, but party faithful of Cambridgeshire “that’s a fact”, it would stand there really nine million bicycles its foundations, starting with instead served largely to empha- were met with orthodox, man- prominently as one of the very in Beijing? Is it really a fact? primary education. He matches sise the similarities. ifesto-trained responses from few pieces of modern music to She herself offers no statistical his rival’s pledge to bring the fi rst candidate to answer, confront the number of cycles in support, and in the light of the state-funded education into line and an uninspiring “I agree Asian capital cities. rather whimsical subject mat- with the private sector within Neither candidate with everything my colleague In the fourth verse she goes on ter of the piece as a whole (it is ten years, aiming to close the just said” from his opponent. At to assert that there are “6 billion a song dedicated to some sort of £3,700 p.a. gap between the brought this times, whiplash looked inevita- people in the world”, a statement male love). average amount spent on pupils ble, and collars audibly crackled she qualifi es with the problem- There are very few reliable in each area. ‘exciting, with the friction-induced heat of atic “more or less”. According to surveys on the subject, and one In this respect, primary educa- crazed nodding and affi rmations Wikipedia there are currently 6.6 cannot help but feel that Miss tion reforms stand as the central engaging, of agreement. The fi nal ques- billion people in the world, a dis- Melua’s artistic purpose would pledge, hoping for what he calls tion of the evening was obvious: crepancy to Miss Melua’s fi gure have been better served had the “knock on effect on education optimistic new “What distinguishes you from which threatens to overwhelm she concentrated on an area in opportunity through the system” your rival?” The response from the numerical plasticity afforded which the number of bicycles which results from higher qual- brand of politics’ Clegg was simple: “I have an by “more or less”. could have been more accurately ity education for 3 or 4 year old orange tie”. The second verse, if anything, established, as lying at the heart children. “If a child at age 8 is to the Churchill Some people laughed. Others is even more vague. There is al- of the lyric is a clear tendency still unable to read, there should were less certain that he was most no way of knowing with any to uncertainty. For instance, be strong attempts to remedy hustings joking. In private he was just certainty how many “light years Cambridge, with its population that then and there, to get the as reticent; “Whilst I am politi- from the edge” we are, or even if of 130,000, has approximately basics in place for further ad- cian from the north [and care there is an edge at all. Miss Me- 60,000 bicycles. Whilst this is vance later on.” Ensuring liberty in Britain, more about northern issues he lua admirably admits that this also, of course, a guess, the prob- A potentially controversial distancing Britain from Amer- goes on to say] … Chris is from is just “a guess”, but by juxtapos- able divergence from the true and radical aspect to Huhne’s ica, making sure the Liberals the south”. It is hardly a radical ing this astrophysical imagery fi gure is much less. constitutional policy is his call support the European Union, policy difference. with the more tangible visual of You heard it here fi rst. for a “popular veto”, according giving “power to people” and Underneath this familiar Chinese bicycles. Adrian Dangerhands to which proposed legislation getting everyone involved in rhetoric genuine policy dif- could be put to a referendum politics are the ideas that under- ferences do exist, particularly on the grounds of 2.5% of the pin Nick Clegg’s campaign. One regarding Trident, electoral Profi le of the Week population’s dissent. The mo- of his priorities is to reach out reform and the “popular veto”. tivating infl uence behind the to those who “feel that they are These are all issues upon which You’ve put it online, we’ve taken it off policy is Huhne’s belief that it shut out from politics” and make Huhne is a braver reformer, will ensure that there is “a real sure not only that they feel wanting a sooner end to Tri- consensus behind legislation” politics is relevant, but also that 1984, Pride and Prejudice, His and that “legislative decisions they have a role in the political Average Dark Materials, Life of Pi, Jane are not simply used for press- system. Nick pledges to achieve “What Eyre, The Time Traveller’s Wife, releases.” However, in allowing this by allowing “communities to Cambridge The Bible, Catch 22 a small minority to slow the feel in charge of their own lives,” distinguishes you legislative process to a stand- and by encouraging people to Student still, requiring a referendum on get involved in the political proc- from your rival?” According to Facebook, this is ess at the local level. His com- the blandest person in the town Sex: mitment to scrapping ID cards  e response from 42% Female is “as important,” and he makes 38% Male clear that there “is no room for Clegg was simple: ID cards and similar measures in a Liberal Britain.” “I have an orange Is one of a group You can’t help but observe Photo of Average, that Clegg employs Liberal tie” numbering: party policies repackaged, but 38,560 Boring Man: if the members of the Liberal dent and rejection of the “fi rst Democrat party are willing to past the post” system. It may bite, perhaps he has got the well be that his more radical Political Views: message right. agenda will gradually emerge, 13% Liberal On education he joins Huhne teased out by months of dogged in pledging that under his lead- interviewing, and that genuine ership “education would be the debate eventually breaks out. Interests: A new sort of politics? number one priority” and that But neither candidate Music, Reading, Travelling, the Liberal Democrats would brought this “exciting, engag- Travel, Photography, Cooking, abolish tuition fees for students. ing, optimistic new brand Art any issue which attracts 2.5% Mr Clegg’s position on Brit- of politics” to the Churchill of the population’s disagree- ain’s nuclear weapons system, hustings, and both had clearly ment, Huhne seems to risk Trident, however, is a rare area decided to leave policy disagree- reaching out to apathetic voters of ambiguity. Although he has ments behind for the evening. Favourite music: to the cost of stagnating politi- made comments saying that Clegg jokingly remarked during La, Radiohead, Muse, Bach, cal progress. he would like to see a nuclear the debate that “normal people The Killers, Jack Johnson, U2, The “stain on that young weapon-free world, he states don’t think about politics that Queen, Snow Patrol, Pink Floyd Huhne’s copybook”, a fanati- that he does not want Britain much.” Perhaps this is why. If cal, wild-eyed, mature, lib- “to get rid of Trident straight you want to be taken seriously eral supporter explained to me away, as it would give us noth- by your voters, perhaps you before the interview, regards a ing with which to bargain with should take your voters seri- Top Books: document leaked from Huhne’s other countries.” Surely a man ously fi rst. Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWPoints 15

UndergraduaTelly This is You Curious Muso We watch TV, so you don’t have to.

This week your assiduous named design luminary, typi- correspondent will foray into cally called something like DJ hitherto uncharted and murky e-pussy 69 from Reykjavik. Big ears, all the better for hearing waters, as he pays his dues Most people who waste their to the undeniably mysterious time on YouTube do so passively, the beauty of nature, offset world of internet television, automatically sifting through and in particular the bane of endless compilations of “Top ten by eyes which cannot see the sophistication and decency that premier league goals” (for the is YouTube. Other than perhaps lads) and “BaByliss-sponsored oddness of own face the daily hour spent cruising for world hair-straightening cham- babes on Facebook, or any time pionships 1992” (ladies), but for Perfect pitch, spent in the ADC bar, there are people to actively create such fewer more fruitless activities bizarre non-entertainment takes imperfect social than browsing this most graphic internet depravity to another forum for freaks, geeks, perverts level. The sad thing is that by skills and copyright breachers. watching their videos we must Shirt once People generally fall into be considered partly responsible two categories with respect to for the current cultural nadir worn by YouTube: on the one hand there and when, in 2015, e-pussy 69 is are those super-human char- being gently teased by Jonathan Sibelius’ 1915 Guitar, acters capable of logging on to Ross on Friday Night, we will the website with a clear notion have to put our hands up and butler, bought retrieved from of what they want to watch take at least some of the blame. (if anyone’s looking for ideas, Of course, no discussion of on ebay for Ypres and I’d recommend “donkey rapes YouTube would be complete man” as a particularly reward- without touching on the stag- £1242 preserved in ing search – you get 13 possi- gering comments which people ble videos to choose from) and make on the message-boards of the steam of once they’ve seen it manage to each video. User Qumi02 has leave their computer, probably shared with us the following unicorn’s tears because they’ve got a girlfriend/ gem about one of Wednesday’s boyfriend to see. videos of the day entitled “How Most mortals, however, enter to Charge an iPod using elec- the site initially to relive some trolytes and an onion” (brace classic moments of Andy Gray yourselves): “that’s a damned football commentary (“take lie!! its apples! your just trying a bow son, and I really mean to sell onions! no honestly thats Shorts from “Sound that”) or watch this year’s UK a cool idea but your voice makes Eurovision Song Contest entry me sleepy.” Enough said. of Music”. Too high (a classic by any standards), At its heart, however, the ter- “Neck”; but find themselves three hours rible power of YouTube stems for comfort, but later having watched Jeremy from the fact that as soon as you launch- Paxman’s greatest TV moments, have finished watching one snip- frustratingly too the execution of a Middle- pet, your attention is instantly pad for for Eastern dictator (an experience drawn to the related video low for true castrato which launched the immortal section on the right hand side of Knees punnery analogy for Kris Akabusi’s the page, which gives you little penis “swinging like Saddam option but to delve further into (knobbled) on YouTube”) and a captivating the dark recesses of some inter- rendition of the Backstreet Boys’ net oddball’s imagination. Once magnum opus “I Want It That you’ve seen one video posted by Way” by fifteen-year-old Chinese Household Hacker or sharpro- identical twins. bot101, you’ve got to see them Sandals (leather) Yet the oddest videos on all. You feel compelled, despite YouTube are not the home-made your better judgement, to sit for career as vicar boy-band tributes, neo-Nazi through monumental amounts propaganda or even suicide of weird, deviant home videos on notes, which people have some the off-chance that you see one The green, green grass of edelweiss-besprinkled hills understandable, albeit bizarre, vaguely entertaining thing. motive to film and share with Like the internet in general, the cyber-world. Far stranger there is no limit to the amount of TOM WRIGHT are those which are “remixes” time you can spend on YouTube, of pre-existing weird videos; it being led by pop-ups and links to would not be inconceivable to items of ever-increasing insanity, Croatia/England encounter a montage of footage degeneracy and wantonness. My of the Saddam execution set to advice is to stick to the proper ATB’s “9pm Till I come” with telly: at least when Deal Or No opening credits which proudly Deal is over, you can turn it off Mistletoe Rory McGrath Poirot attribute responsibility for this and get on with your life. Yes, it does sound a bit Is he? Isn’t he? Reported So England are out of Euro monstrosity to a curiously- John Reicher sordid, but then again so sightings of the former 2008. That leaves, let’s see, am I, and there’s Footlight trying to unlock his about 18 hours of fertile nothing quite like bike on King’s Parade have ground for the ITV schedul- a bit of legitimised shot up over recent days. He ers. We predict a surfeit of lunging to bring has also been spotted skulk- village murders, tweed, and on the Christmas ing around Market Square. small Belgian men in mous- Spirit. Go on, tell us a joke. taches. Bring it on. Mistletoe: helpful

Tatties Slow walkers Intense Cold One of the worst places in It’s not so much a weather Europe. There is literally no Cambridge is full of narrow as a gesture in the absence way you can prepare a baked pavements. If you are on a of weather. I potato in a manner which narrow pavement, do not did not sign makes it worth £6, yet this is walk at 1mph, because when up here to exactly what happens in this you do I can feel my life slip- wear hats and hellish hybrid of the Black ping away as I try not to step gloves to the Hole of Calcutta and the cafe on your heels, or punch you pub in Early from Withnail. Avoid or die. in the back of the head. November. Ice: cold Paxman: Former Varsity editor Features Editor: Ed Cumming Friday November 23 2007 16 VIEWFeatures [email protected] varsity.co.uk/features Road to Ruina Richard La Ruina is a professional pick-up artist. He hadn’t kissed a girl until he was 21, but he now earns his living teaching other men the secrets of how to become irresistible to girls. Ed Cumming, a man in need of some assistance if ever there was one, tried to find out exactly how he does it You do a pretty unusual job. Is it in danger of objectifying about it? It seems to imply that How do people usually re- women? it doesn’t really matter what a spond? Yes, in pick up, the whole thing is guy’s personality is like as long People are normally fascinated. broken down into code words and as he can use the initial seduc- Guys often think that it is unnec- missions and it is pretty dodgy. tion techniques... essary, they don’t get why some I like to remove the jargon and There is an important thing I men can’t get a girlfriend. Girls make it as natural a process as teach which is about how to find sometimes think it is a bad thing possible. Generally the guys I the right girl. But without hav- because it is applying technique teach want girlfriends and are ing experience in approaching to a natural process. I tell them very nice guys – better than the and talking many women you that some men have no chance average guy you’d meet in a bar. won’t be ready when the one you of meeting women through their want comes along and you might job or social circle and are forced Playing psychological tricks on not even have an idea of what to approach women cold in bars, girls? you are looking for! clubs, coffee shops etc. I tell girls Yes, this is something else that that these men are normally a can be done. You can read palms, What does your mother think of little shy, a little unconfident do Derren Brown style tricks, it all? but are the good ones, they and lie cheat and trick a girl She is proud of me. She likes would be better off if these guys into bed. Who is more likely to that I am helping guys and approached them instead of the do this though? Someone who is understands that the “get laid” players and drunk guys. desperate and can’t get women, marketing isn’t me. or a real master who has choice Can there really be such a thing and abundance. I love women Given that you can get with any as a ‘Natural Art?’ Isn’t there and I can honestly say I’ve never girl, do you have any particular something inherently deceptive broken a girl’s heart! type? about letting a technique gov- Not too specific. I like tall, slim ern your instinct, particularly in Do you worry about the long and curvy with blue or green the hunt for a partner? run – it must be quite hard for a eyes. Latvian, Swedish, and Any time a guy starts a conver- girl to settle down with a profes- Brazilian girls all have looks that sation with a woman, it is forced, sional con- artist? I like. it’s calculated, he’s not saying Not at all, if they know me, they exactly what he is thinking know that I’m a good person Do you think that the same or which is usually “I saw you and and will treat them well and be similar techniques could work find you physically attractive so open and honest with them. I for girls on guys? I’m going to chat with you for a am probably the only guy in the It would be different, girls get bit, ask for your number and try club that is straight with them, approached, they need to know and sleep with you”. For someone I’ll tell them if I am single or not how to separate the bad guys who doesn’t have natural ability and I won’t mislead them or trick from the good guys and make with women, he will have to them in to bed. I don’t need to! the right decisions. I would put go through a learning process. Just like a millionaire doesn’t together a lesson on how to do Initially it will be unnatural and need to steal sweets. that. I have helped many female very calculated. Over time, he friends and this is the area I can lose the lines (the unnatu- How important are looks? normally work on. Summarise it ral training wheels) and he will Attractiveness is made up of as “catch him and keep him”. become very natural because he many things, looks is one. More will no longer be pre-planning, important is energy, body lan- Three rules for success? consciously applying technique, guage, state, and things like this. 1. Practice makes perfect: or being fake. This is what women say when you won’t be able to seduce a they say they want a man with woman by memorising some How did you get into being a confidence. How is confidence pick up lines off the internet professional seducer? communicated? Answer that and and regurgitating them at the I didn’t kiss a girl until 21, only you have the key to what attrac- club. To master the natural art kissed two at 25. I had to learn tiveness is. of seduction requires dedication it all from scratch myself. From - you will inevitably crash and “Cindies last running a business teaching What do your mates think burn but every “failure” must guys how to do it and from going about it? be re-framed as a learning ex- time I went was out and talking to thousands of They think it is a cool job, they perience. Dust yourself off and women, I’ve become better than like coming out with me. My fe- try again. pretty good. I’d anyone else I’ve ever met. male friends like it too, they are 2. Leave your ego at the door. fascinated with the whole area. If you can’t take constructive say Cambridge How many women do you criticism or accept the fact that reckon have you slept with? What’s the best place to meet not every single woman will be is easier than I get more out of relationships girls? For instance, I’ve always yours, you won’t get very far. than one night stands, but believed that Cindies is a ter- You must be able to learn from London” probably about 50 in the last 18 rible place to pick up. your mistakes. months. I’ve kissed hundreds in If you want a girlfriend, the 3. Don’t let pick-up become your that time. day-time is best. I’d talk to girls life. An attractive man is one in Boots, Starbucks, Borders, who is well-rounded, confi- Doesn’t it slightly spoil the fun or anywhere else, it should dent and above all, not totally of the chase and remove some be a natural part of your life dependant on one aspect of his of the magic of connection? that when you want to talk to life to support him totally. Have It can do if you take it as far as someone, you do. Nightclubs are other interests besides women- I have. If I were learning these good, you can meet nice girls take up interesting hobbies, skills for my own use and not there too, but it is generally a strive to be continually learning for the business and for teach- more sexual environment and new skills or travel. When you ing, I would have quit a year better for casual relationships. let seducing women become ago. At that point, I could meet Cindies last time I went was the be all and end all of your girls I liked and make them my pretty good, I’d say Cambridge life, your self image becomes girlfriend and I was still very is easier than London! dependant on whether or not emotional. Now I’ve become very you get the girl and you become fussy and it is difficult to feel as You’ve said that guys “want a desperate and needy; you will emotional or excited. girlfriend”, but isn’t this ap- inevitably fail to attract into proach a bit of a false way to go your life the women you seek. La Ruina, who claims his mother is proud of him Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/features [email protected] VIEWFeatures 17 Out and About in Paris

The Paris Lesbian and Gay Film Festival has been vital in pushing queer film-making out of its comfort zone. Giovanni Menegelle examines this year’s successes and failures and explains why queer cinema is still relevant nce upon a time there was physical realities she must con- traces the painter’s period of a gay film all the gays went front when falling in love with depression following his break- Oto see and they all raved about Alvaro, a visiting Argentine boy. up with Peter Schlesinger, his it. Fit cast, coming-of-age, com- Inés Efron, is remarkably great love and model for many ing-out. So what’s the problem? sensitive in her portrayal of a of his famous pool paintings. Well for a start it’s probably difficult and troubled character, Following Hockney’s own the worst film you’ll ever see. and is captured beautifully by trademark aesthetic, the film No wonder you sit there asking the director Lucía Puenzo, in brings us close to him and the yourself, “Ok, when’s the sex her first full-length feature. An- tensions created between his coming?”, hoping the sensitive other Argentine film at the fes- life and creativity. Adding to gay schoolboy with no body-hair tival was Glue, which deals with the cult factor, Bruce LaBruce’s might finally get to shag the the intricacies of adolescent fantastic new art-porn flick head boy, who is secretly gay, or sexuality through a visual style Give Piece of Ass A Chance on second thoughts so straight that is both warm and intimate, was to be found amongst a he doesn’t actually mind a boy without being too sentimental drearily long list of shorts. It once in a while, just to prove or surgical. XXY and Glue are features a group of lesbian sex- that he can. Oh, and the poor the product of a new wave of terrorists and their attempt to overweight fag-hag with no South American independent kidnap the daughter of a rich sexual future. What are we to filmmaking. What is clear is businessman in the hope of make of her and all the other that whilst queer audiences producing a new line of sex- women who are either despots, may still want their staple toys—my personal favourite. pushovers, or lesbians. coming-out stories, films such as The festival closed with The Queer cinema has long been these are opening the way to a King And The Clown, a film that plagued by such familiar clichés. new type of queer cinema that has already broken all box-office The Houseboy disappointed audiences The 1990s saw a new wave of tackles issues of sexuality and records in its native South Ko- filmmakers attempting to move the body in a much more subtle rea. Set in the sixteenth cen- stunning film signals, at the Festival came to the rescue. queer cinema out of the comfort- and essential manner. tury, The King And The Clown, very least, a new willingness There still exists a necessity zone of the festivals and into However, The Houseboy, the tells the story of Gong-Gil, an in Asian cinema to challenge for the queer community to make the mainstream. At one end of new film by the American inde- androgynous travelling actor, sexual taboos within the sphere up for the fundamental lack of the spectrum was Neil Jordan’s pendent director Spencer Lee and his unexpected relationship of mainstream filmmaking. representation of queer desire The Crying Game. The story of Schilly, in my view fell short of with a tyrannical king, in an Indeed the festival as a whole in mainstream culture. There is an IRA man’s love affair with the quality and multiplicity set seems to have been about ex- also an urgency to provide im- a transvestite, a huge success by XXY or Glue. Essentially the panding borders, particularly as ages that challenge prejudices, with the critics, with a score of story of a depressed kept-boy “The King and The the issue of sexuality looks to both within the queer commu- Academy Awards nominations. who wants to kill himself on be increasingly ingrained with nity and in mainstream culture At the other end was Get Real!, Christmas Eve, The Houseboy Clown has broken the question of culture and im- at large. But this is exactly why a classic coming-out story set in does little to offer real emotion- migration. Moreover, I sensed queer filmmaking still has a Basingstoke, running with the al depth, despite the leading all box-office a real effort by the organisers crucial role to play and why a pitiful tagline “School’s out, so is character’s best efforts to expi- to get beyond the festival’s festival such as this remains Steven Carter”. ate himself through a series of records in South “Gay and Lesbian” label, and to so important. If we think of the However different, both films casual sexual encounters. Worse attempt to bring transgender current debate in the UK on showed a real difficulty in over- still was Nina’s Heavenly De- Korea” and intergender issues into so-called family values, of the lights, the only new full-length the queer debate and out of chilling return of a ‘moral poli- British feature on the festival the dehumanising domain of tics’, and of the legacy of Section programme. This tale about an amazing mixture of traditional medical categories. The political 28, which still lives on despite its “films showed a Asian-Glaswegian lesbian who Korean theatre, circus and debate in France is currently repeal in 2003, all these things enters a curry competition after dance. Despite my reservations set to macho-gear, with Sarkozy and many more point to the real real difficulty in the death of her father seemed about the portrayal of all female on one side and the strikers on need to contrast the silence and surprisingly tacky given the characters as cruel and heart- the other. Thankfully, the Third self-censorship that prevail in surpassing not director Pratibha Parmar’s long less manipulators, this visually Paris Gay and Lesbian Film our popular culture. history in making documenta- only the prejudices ries for Channel 4. Nevertheless, the day was held by straights saved by Riparo. This Italo- French production, directed by about gays, but Marco Simon Puccioni, traces the breakdown of a lesbian also the prejudices couple’s relationship as they unwittingly smuggle a Moroc- gays have about can teenager into Italy in the trunk of their car—a touching themselves” portrayal of the tensions that emerge as cultural and sexual coming not only the prejudices differences meet in a society held by straights about gays, that tends to marginalise both. but also the prejudices gays Another story of marginalisa- have about themselves, not to tion, Four Minutes is the new speak of the underlying misog- film by the German director yny. So the question now at the Chris Kraus, which is out in Paris Gay & Lesbian Film Fes- cinemas next February. By tival is whether queer cinema far the most moving of all the can avoid all the clichés whilst films in the programme, Four appealing to a wider audience. Minutes follows the journey The festival opened with XXY, of a young female prisoner as a Franco-Argentine production she attempts to win a piano that has already won this year’s competition with the help of an Cannes Critics’ Week Grand elderly piano instructor. Prix and Rail D’Or, and which is Jack Hazan’s A Bigger scheduled for release in the UK Splash, originally released in in the new year. The film tells 1974, was screened in its newly the story of Alex, a 15 year-old re-mastered version. Star- hermaphrodite living as a girl ring David Hockney as David on the Uruguayan coast and the Hockney, this cult docufilm The King and the Clown was one of the highlights of the week Fashion Editors: Iona Carter, Emma Draper and Francesca Perry Friday November 23 2007 18 VIEWFashion [email protected] varsity.co.uk/fashion

Girl Meets Boy

All clothes stylists’ own Modelled by Stephanie Bain Photographed by Alex Guelff Styled by Iona Carter and Emma Draper Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/fashion [email protected] VIEWFashion 19

Fashion Disaster? Johnny & Luciana are on your trail and they’re going to make you look fabulous

TopJohnny Tips: The Christmas Party &possible, Luciana swill your full wine glass animatedly, ‘general finish’ First things first, you need it and then spray the room with to actually be invited to a partially-masticated mince Christmas party before you have pie. If you happen to be a little any Christmas party concerns. tardy, make sure to exclaim at This is much less likely to the top of your lungs “Sorry I’m happen if you a) are generally late!” to all in earshot. They’ll a bit of a twat at parties, b) all be massively relieved that have a penchant for dressing the party can finally begin now like a bit of a twat at parties or that you’ve arrived. c) like to get “royally, suitably, next level annihilated” (like a The Main Show bit of a twat) at parties. Johnny Drunken chat is never & Luciana committed all the 4 good chat - you may aforementioned offences back in think you are being their Fresher days, but are now “banterous”, but chances are older, wiser and ready to help you are either boring others or you. Here are our top five tips to just embarrassing yourself... ensure that you can show your Favourites include: “Don’t tell face once more in Lent Term. anyone, but I’ve had the same pair of pants on for three days!”, The Preparation “People keep coming up to me Ideally, one should and telling me how great I look, 1 endeavor to set it’s so embarrassing” and the aside somewhere classic, “I have had seventeen in the region of 3 to 5 hours glasses of wine and I’m still (depending on how kindly God sober!”. Being an inebriated has blessed you in your facial mess does not suddenly make department) for beautification. you stonkingly irresistible to the We suggest reclining on your rest of the room, despite what bed, legs raised to encourage you might think at the time. For increased circulation (christmas goodness’ sake, this is not the glow), cucumber slices on your moment to “go for it” with that eyes to reduce puffiness, and the hottie you’ve been eyeing up all soft, soothing sounds of sperm term. It’s more than likely that whales calling through the air, the attempt will fall flat on its for relaxation. If you don’t have face (as could you) and all your time for this, just splash a bit subtle, carefully-constructed of cold water on your face and flirting will be out the window. proceed to step two... The Aftermath The Outfit After arriving home De-stressed and level- 5 (alone), GO STRAIGHT 2 headed you should now TO BED. Do not under be suitably conditioned any circumstances go near a to avoid any of the following computer. Not only might you festive misdemeanors: ‘Sexy’ be tempted to send a facebook (usually slutty) Santa - Santa ‘apology’ to said hottie (just was a fat old man, yet year in wait until you log on in the year out we hear thousands morning...), but you run the risk of girls exclaiming “I’m just of failing to realise quite gonna go as Sexy Santa how embarrassing it is again”... A bulging, baptastic to upload 60 photos of PVC minidress? Ho, ho, ho your left eye, your right indeed. Green & Red Overkill elbow, your hottie or - Lazy Boys are likely to revert the floor. to Mummy’s knitted christmas jumpers at such events. The weather outside may be frightful, but not as frightful as your sweaty pits will be. Face paint - this is generally not a good idea for a number of reasons. Parties are hot. People sweat. Face paint runs. By the end of the evening you are likely to look a state and if you’ve had a few glasses of mulled wine and ended up doing something you shouldn’t have, so is that embarrassing CompSci from downstairs that you’ve been ravaging in the broom cupboard.

The Arrival People love nothing 3 more than a hearty shove from the latest party guest making a beeline for the drinks table. Make sure to stand on as many toes as Arts Editor: George Grist Friday November 23 2007 Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: 20 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 21

laughing on stage (according to the How old was Orson Welles dreamboat’s memoirs serialised in the Which French playwright died on 1when he wrote, directed actual production costs? stage, during his performance as a Daily Mail)? and starred in Citizen Kane? 1hypochondriac? Which hit-musical and Varsity-fa- Complete the title: “Teen- What actor played the Which unfortunate fi lm-maker did vourite appropriated (and sullied) the age Mutant Ninja Turtles 7school principal in E.T., 6title of Walt Whitman’s ‘I sing the body II:...”2 only to have his scene cut critic Kenneth Tynan describe as ‘the when Spielberg decided that e 2fi ve-foot Pole you wouldn’t touch with a electric’? What year did Martin r The genitalia of which ageing Brit- his presence would be too dis- t ten-foot pole’ 3Scorsese win his fi rst Acad- tracting? a Which great British stage actor gave 7ish actor were recently described by emy Award? the name of Herbert Pocket (a char- Germaine Greer as “impressive”? During the shoot for which Who claimed famous fi lm fi lm did Björk disappear e 3acter from Great Expectations, a part Which “outrageously macabre” play- critic Roger Ebert was a 8 wright created the fi ctional character 4 leaving fi lming suspended in- he was currently playing) to the police, 8 “fat pig with the physique of a defi nitely, only to emerge from upon being arrested for a homosexual Edna Welthorpe to complain about his slave trader” in 2003? h some woods three days later? act in a lavatory in Liverpool? plays in the newspapers? m Who provided art direction How much weight did

Which saturnine composer was Which famous playwright and poet for the above before moving

T T T knighted in 1992 for (although some died on 23rd April, his birthday? l 5on to fi lm? 9Christian Bale shed for 4 9 his role as a PoW in Vietnam might say in spite of) his contribution to To whom did Leo Tolstoy complain i Which fi lm’s budget con- in Werner Herzog’s new fi lm music? 10“you know I cannot abide Shake- 6sisted of obtaining rights Rescue Dawn? The news of which actor’s death speare, but your plays are even worse.” F for soundtrack outweighing caused Rupert Everett to burstout The fi rst fi lm to show an 5 10erect penis? Ian Curtis, lead singer of Joy Division, committed suicide. shit, so changed it to the name 1 of an old Talking Heads song. ic This is not very Christmassy. But what fi ve word phrase Who did they become? s would you fi nd on his memorial Superstar DJ Norman Cook stone in Macclesfi eld cemetery? 7(aka Fatboy Slim) used to u Which Men Behaving Badly play bass in which weird-as-fuck star once scored a Christmas Hull-based 80’s band, who nar- l A 2number one, and in what guise? rowly missed out on a Christmas a number one in 1986 with Cara- u r Which boisterous Romantic kept This is Spinal Tap is the best van of Love? s t M music fi lm ever. Name Spinal a pet bear in his rooms on Great 3 This term, Maximo Park i 1Court? - through no fault of his own - for Tap’s lead guitarist. legal reasons)? 8played at the Corn Exchange. Which poet and founder of the According to the aforemen- In what country would you actu- Merry Christmas, V Dada movement died, selfi shly, on Which half-Jamaican novelist 4tioned lead guitarist, what is ally fi nd Maximo Park (not the love Elton Christmas2 Day 1963? 7supplemented her maintenance “the saddest of all keys”? Geordie band, but a municipal loan as a jazz singer before publish- The best Christmas song ever space in which to relax)? Which story by Charles Dickens ing her bestseller in her last year A chapel in Padua contains one of is Fairytale of New York by Who was recently voted 3was published December 19 1843 studying SPS at Kings? 5Kirsty McColl and the Pogues. Which actor made front-page news the fi rst comprehensive treatments in order to pay off some debts? number one in NME’s annual weeks ago after selling a painting 6 About which twentieth century Fill in the blanks to complete 9 of the Passion in painting. Which artist The voice of which reclusive and always-trustworthy Cool 1for a multi-million dollar profi t? was responsible? 8poet did David Hockney comment the title of a classic Pogues al- List? 4American novelist was fi rst “if that’s his face, imagine his scro- bum: “---, ------, and the lash”. A photograph by which artist was Which painter renamed their “Last broadcast on the Simpsons? tum”? Who is the fi ttest mem- recently seized from Elton John Supper” to “Feast in the House of Oxford-based band On a Fri- ber of the reformed Spice 2 7 Which Celtic beauty, soap starlet Which American Beat novelist day realised their name was 10 after concerns it could be seen as child Levi”, after their work was declared 6 Girls? pornography? blasphemous and they were sum- 5and Caius student had her fi rst famously shot his wife in a game novel published in 2006? 9of William Tell? How long did it take Shaun Green- moned to the Inquisition? Which Footlights star was named halgh to make his “Egyptian” statue The birth of Christ has always been Which nineteenth-century 3later authenticated by the British a popular subject for artists, but 6Pipe Smoker of the Year, (be- poet apparently read Para- 8 fore the award was discontinued 10dise Lost to his wife whilst naked in Museum and valued by Christie’s at how many specifi c Nativity scenes does their garden? £500,000? the National Gallery own? Who’s retrospective did Brian And how many do all the Tate Gal- Sewell last month variously dismiss leries combined own? 4as the work of a “menacing old crone” 9 Earlier in the year the exhibition L and “manipulative old bat”? 10of a six-foot sculpture of Christ ILLUSTRATIONS: ANNA TRENCH Jeff Koon’s Celebration series (in- was cancelled after being described as e spired by the custody battle for his “one of the worst assaults on Christian i 5son) this month made record prices at sensibilities ever”. What was it made t r auction. What unusual job did his ex- of? e I have special presents

ratu for you... wife do?

GALLOWS 10. EMMA BUNTON BUNTON EMMA 10. GALLOWS GALLOWS 10. EMMA BUNTON BUNTON EMMA 10. GALLOWS VERONESE 8. TWELVE 9. SIX 10. CHOCOLATE 10. SIX 9. TWELVE 8. VERONESE FOR ‘THE MACHINIST’ - 27KG (60 POUNDS) 10. 10. POUNDS) (60 27KG - MACHINIST’ ‘THE FOR VINCENT GALLO, EBERT RESPONDED ALTHOUGH ALTHOUGH RESPONDED EBERT GALLO, VINCENT LITERATURE : 1. LORD BYRON 2. TRISTAN TZARA 3. A A 3. TZARA TRISTAN 2. BYRON LORD 1. : LITERATURE VERONESE 8. TWELVE 9. SIX 10. CHOCOLATE 10. SIX 9. TWELVE 8. VERONESE 10. POUNDS) (60 27KG - MACHINIST’ ‘THE FOR ALTHOUGH RESPONDED EBERT GALLO, VINCENT

Varsity Christmas Quiz A 3. TZARA TRISTAN 2. BYRON LORD 1. : LITERATURE

HOUSEMARTINS 8. CUBA 9. FRANK CARTER OF THE THE OF CARTER FRANK 9. CUBA 8. HOUSEMARTINS HOUSEMARTINS 8. CUBA 9. FRANK CARTER OF THE THE OF CARTER FRANK 9. CUBA 8. HOUSEMARTINS CICCIOLINA) 6. GIOTTO (SCROVEGNI CHAPEL) 7. 7. CHAPEL) (SCROVEGNI GIOTTO 6. CICCIOLINA) ROUGHLY 25KG (55 POUNDS), HE LOST EVEN MORE MORE EVEN LOST HE POUNDS), (55 25KG ROUGHLY FILM: 1. 25 2. THE SECRET OF THE OOZE 3. 2007 4. 4. 2007 3. OOZE THE OF SECRET THE 2. 25 1. FILM: SHAKESPEARE 10. ANTON CHEKHOV CHEKHOV ANTON 10. SHAKESPEARE CICCIOLINA) 6. GIOTTO (SCROVEGNI CHAPEL) 7. 7. CHAPEL) (SCROVEGNI GIOTTO 6. CICCIOLINA) MORE EVEN LOST HE POUNDS), (55 25KG ROUGHLY 4. 2007 3. OOZE THE OF SECRET THE 2. 25 1. FILM: CHEKHOV ANTON 10. SHAKESPEARE

4. D MINOR 5. RUM, SODOMY 6. RADIOHEAD 7. THE THE 7. RADIOHEAD 6. SODOMY RUM, 5. MINOR D 4. 4. D MINOR 5. RUM, SODOMY 6. RADIOHEAD 7. THE THE 7. RADIOHEAD 6. SODOMY RUM, 5. MINOR D 4. BOURGEOIS (AT TATE MODERN) 5. PORN-STAR (LA (LA PORN-STAR 5. MODERN) TATE (AT BOURGEOIS 7. HARRISON FORD 8. DANCER IN THE DARK 9. 9. DARK THE IN DANCER 8. FORD HARRISON 7. BLAKE 7. SIR IAN MACKELLEN 8. JOE ORTON 9. WILLIAM WILLIAM 9. ORTON JOE 8. MACKELLEN IAN SIR 7. BOURGEOIS (AT TATE MODERN) 5. PORN-STAR (LA (LA PORN-STAR 5. MODERN) TATE (AT BOURGEOIS 9. DARK THE IN DANCER 8. FORD HARRISON 7. BLAKE WILLIAM 9. ORTON JOE 8. MACKELLEN IAN SIR 7.

MORRISSEY, BOB THE BUILDER 3. NIGEL TUFNELL TUFNELL NIGEL 3. BUILDER THE BOB MORRISSEY, MORRISSEY, BOB THE BUILDER 3. NIGEL TUFNELL TUFNELL NIGEL 3. BUILDER THE BOB MORRISSEY, WARHOL) 2. NAN GOLDIN 3. THREE WEEKS 4. LOUISE LOUISE 4. WEEKS THREE 3. GOLDIN NAN 2. WARHOL) ‘THE BROWN BUNNY’ 5. DAVID LYNCH 6. CLERKS CLERKS 6. LYNCH DAVID 5. BUNNY’ BROWN ‘THE AUDERN 9. WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS 10. WILLIAM WILLIAM 10. BURROUGHS S. WILLIAM 9. AUDERN SIR LAURENCE OLIVIER 6. FAME (!) THE MUSICAL MUSICAL THE (!) FAME 6. OLIVIER LAURENCE SIR WARHOL) 2. NAN GOLDIN 3. THREE WEEKS 4. LOUISE LOUISE 4. WEEKS THREE 3. GOLDIN NAN 2. WARHOL) CLERKS 6. LYNCH DAVID 5. BUNNY’ BROWN ‘THE WILLIAM 10. BURROUGHS S. WILLIAM 9. AUDERN MUSICAL THE (!) FAME 6. OLIVIER LAURENCE SIR

MUSIC: 1. LOVE WILL TEAR US APART 2. NEIL NEIL 2. APART US TEAR WILL LOVE 1. MUSIC: MUSIC: 1. LOVE WILL TEAR US APART 2. NEIL NEIL 2. APART US TEAR WILL LOVE 1. MUSIC: VISUAL ARTS: 1. HUGH GRANT (LIZ, BY ANDY ANDY BY (LIZ, GRANT HUGH 1. ARTS: VISUAL GALLO WILL STILL HAVE BEEN THE DIRECTOR OF OF DIRECTOR THE BEEN HAVE STILL WILL GALLO GILLIGAN 6. STEPHEN FRY 7. ZADIE SMITH 8. W.H. W.H. 8. SMITH ZADIE 7. FRY STEPHEN 6. GILLIGAN ALEC GUINNESS 4. ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER 5. 5. WEBBER LLOYD ANDREW 4. GUINNESS ALEC VISUAL ARTS: 1. HUGH GRANT (LIZ, BY ANDY ANDY BY (LIZ, GRANT HUGH 1. ARTS: VISUAL OF DIRECTOR THE BEEN HAVE STILL WILL GALLO W.H. 8. SMITH ZADIE 7. FRY STEPHEN 6. GILLIGAN 5. WEBBER LLOYD ANDREW 4. GUINNESS ALEC

BAISE-MOI BAISE-MOI I AM FAT, ONE DAY I WILL BE THIN, BUT MR. MR. BUT THIN, BE WILL I DAY ONE FAT, AM I CHRISTMAS CAROL 4. THOMAS PYNCHON 5. RUTH RUTH 5. PYNCHON THOMAS 4. CAROL CHRISTMAS THEATRE: 1. MOLIERE 2. ROMAN POLANSKI 3. 3. POLANSKI ROMAN 2. MOLIERE 1. THEATRE: BAISE-MOI BAISE-MOI MR. BUT THIN, BE WILL I DAY ONE FAT, AM I RUTH 5. PYNCHON THOMAS 4. CAROL CHRISTMAS 3. POLANSKI ROMAN 2. MOLIERE 1. THEATRE: ANSWERS 2007 ANSWERS Arts Editor: George Grist Friday November 23 2007 22 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts Travel Unravelled Budding travel writers shouldn’t bother about going on holiday. The real travel’s to be had on your own doorstep, argues Patrick Kingsley

odern travel is elaborated whilst driving me Yet, whilst the world is of as boring and familiar ‘prob- Stewart suggested, could bloody boring re- back to the station, ‘when Eric becoming smaller and more ably aren’t that familiar once still prove powerful today. In ally”, Eric Newby, started, there was a real sense crowded, whilst journeying to we scratch below the surface. short, he argued, the future of ‘Mthe inventor of the modern day of adventure to travelling. Now Central Asia or Australia is Most of us never see many travel literature lies in factual comic travel book, once told me it’s just package holidays.’ not nearly so adventurous as places and ways of life that rigour, unemotionalised detail, over tea at his house in subur- Undeniably, the Newbys it was in Newby’s mid-century are few minutes from where and needs to move away from ban Surrey. And presumably have a point. At a time when heyday, does this really mean we live. We often act like quite being simply a ‘backwater of he should know: back in the scores of Freshers wax lyrical that travel is dead? Surely it spoilt people, saying “bring me elegant but ultimately disen- days before Easyjet, Eurostar about their live-changing Gap in fact shows that a new form a new dazzling experience,” gaged prose.’ and package holidays to Machu Years in Rajasthan, of travel has but without realising what’s At the same meeting, how- Picchu, he hiked to deepest on our plate ever, Rory Maclean, a travel Afghanistan, sailed to the already.’ writer of the imaginative Antipodes and rowed the De Bot- school whose six books semi- length of the Ganges with ton talks fictionalise his various wan- his wife, Wanda. In this a lot of sense. After derings in Eastern Europe, all, given that Asia and Crete, vehemently now anyone denied his namesake’s asser- can fly off for tions. Maclean argued that, “the premise of mysterious ad- at a time when travel has ventures in far-flung become so easy, when infor- traditional travel lands, the traditional mation about faraway places travel novelist has has become so easy to come writing is that if become redundant. by, the new role of a travel Modern travel writer should not be to impart you go abroad writers, then, facts or dull data but rather shouldn’t be to provide an emotionalised somewhere worrying about and personalised vision of a whether low-cost country, city or region. very far away, airlines and package It’s hard to disagree with holidays will ruin the him. Whilst factual trav- you’ll be able traditional aspects of elogues may have had a their art-form; they following in the Edwardian to produce should instead focus era, they have no place in a their attentions on the century where anyone can pick something New Travel, the kind of the latest edition of Lonely micro-travel which ex- Planet’s South-East Asia On A more plores not what is thousands Shoestring at the local Water- of miles away, but rather interesting what is on our very doorsteps. Travel literature’s future is not than staying in the truthful, factual report- “We often act like ing of faraway places but in the here and re-invention, re-interpretation quite spoilt people, tim drake and even semi-fictionalisation journeying of the regions closest to home. saying ‘bring me emerged, a form of which we Nevertheless, Rory Stewart, around your are the pioneers. The future of a fiercely factual traveller a new dazzling the travel book, perhaps, lies whose two books about his bedroom” not in describing mysterious journeys in Iraq and Afghani- experience,’ but adventures in far-flung lands stan are supposedly without era of low-cost airlines, but rather in promoting a more embellishment, could not disa- without realising Newby argued, travel, localised type of travel. gree more. At a recent discus- and – by extension – travel The man who arguably most sion of this very topic at the what’s on our plate writing, is dying a slow death, champions this direction in Royal Society of Literature, a point he makes abundantly travel writing is philosopher Stewart strongly lamented already.” clear in the closing lines of one Alain de Botton, the author of how ‘British travel writing of his later works, A Travel- The Art of Travel, whose Ham- [has been] condemned to a ler’s Life: ‘the time is not far off and in an era where the most mersmith home I also recently move away from truth’, a move stone’s. Since even the most when there would be no place popular recent travelogue is doorstepped. He explained to which represents a ‘falling- distant places in the world on earth accessible to ordinary a book called Merde, a dull, me that ‘the premise of tradi- away in the travel-writing can be summarised by a series human beings in which they trashy account of a business- tional travel writing is that tradition’. He lambasted the of figures, facts and prices in would be able to feel them- man’s year in faraway Paris, it if you go abroad somewhere likes of William Dalrymple the most recent Rough Guide, selves alone under the night is hard not to agree that both very far away, you’ll be able to and Colin Thubron for, quite since the travel writer no sky without hearing the noise travel and travel literature produce something more inter- simply, making things up; by longer has the power to amaze of machines’. have lost their edge. Given that esting than staying here and contrast, he praised the dry his readership with previously Mechanisation, he explained travel is no longer the preserve journeying around your bed- travel reports of the late- unknown information, his new to me at his home near Guild- of the privileged few, it could room.’ De Botton, on the other nineteenth- and early-twenti- role should be to emotional- ford, is turning the world’s even be argued that modern hand, disputes this traditional eth-centuries, reports which, ise, semi-fictionalise and to mysteries into mundanities: travel writing is now pointless. view: ‘It’s just not true: you though perhaps po-faced and essentially re-introduce us to ‘Nowadays, there’s fewer amus- After all, why write about the only go away because you can’t factually dense, were writ- the places with which we are ing things to do, there’s so wonders of Istanbul, Rome or see what’s interesting closer ten in a truthful style which already familiar. The future of many more people now – it was Moscow when, thanks to the to home.’ Furthermore, he ar- nevertheless provided, he travel literature, therefore, is so much more exciting travel- aeroplane, your readers can be gues, those things which travel suggested, a real sense of not in ‘travel fact’, but ‘travel ling when I was younger.’ exploring the city within a few writers do think of as close to novelty and significance for fiction’. Indeed, as Wanda herself hours themselves. home, those things they think their readers, a style which, Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 23

Restaurant Review Tom Evans Cakebridg The Mill The only solution to Cambridge’s woes is cake. Shocked to discover that the Bun ★★★★★

Shop doesn’t do buns and that the once welcoming Caza Mir has been mangled Whatever happened to lunch? Nobody seems to have it into an untrendy wine bar, Constanza Dessain and Jeff James set out on a nowadays. If I told you five years ago that in 2007 people mission, sworn to seek no rest until they had unearthed Cakebridge’s finest wouldn’t have lunch any more you’d have said to me: “that isn’t true, and stop following First Class Teas the good. Work up an appetite on well than Ulysses and Fitzbil- than the Black Cat’s – some- me”. But look around you. Peas Hill, just off Market the bike ride, and escape from lies might not be quite the right times that’s exactly what we How many people do you see Square eating lunch? Now look again the stash-clad scum of the city- place for cake-snogs, but be sure need. The dark sticky ginger loaf with one eye closed. How The cake is elegant and gourm- centre. It’s glorious when you get to take away their wonderful comes piping hot and is as sexy many people are really eating ish, the setting a slightly stilted there. When we went for the offi- Chelsea buns for cinnamon-sin. as Aunties can manage – unless lunch? Not many I bet. The subterranean homage to eight- cial cake testing, their cake-mak- The lines of cakes in the front of you enjoy a French maid outfit. Boots Meal Deal is a lunch ies japonaiserie. The carrot er was off ill, and they still threw the shop will make your heart of sorts, but they position cake is superb, if misnamed. Its nearly everywhere else into the race, but while the carrot cake Savino’s the wraps in the packets so datey earthiness went perfectly shade. Everything is served with is passable and good to buy Emmanuel Street that they look much bigger with the Lapsang Suchong, pots of whipped cream and their whole, the chocolate fudge is dry Quite frankly we’re torn about than they actually are, and I but Stanza felt that it suffered cakes are original and intel- and flavourless, we’re sorry to whether to speak the truth over always feel a little bit world from the crucial flaw of a fun- ligently thought out. To warm say. Avoid the Sacher Torte and Savino’s, home of our hearts. weary when I finish a Boots damental lack of carrot. She’s up the palate, there’s a moist choux buns. Nevertheless, they Don’t all rush there at once, Meal Deal. Sandwiches have prepared to be open-minded, and serious chocolate fudge cake do an excellent cream tea and but their chocolate croissants also recently gone into my but we wouldn’t want carrot with generous brownie-redolent the interior is pleasant if under- are the best thing that has ever bad books because The Brit- purists to opt for this version: depth. Their ambitions, how- lit. Go, but stick religiously to the happened to Cambridge, or to ish Sandwich Association, dark without being heavy, but ever, are angled at much higher Chelsea buns. either of us. If you manage to which aims “to promote the no orange glimmers. You can things. Stanza loved the pineap- get there when they’re fresh consumption of sandwiches”, taste the pestle and mortar in ple and coconut, which managed Aunties’ Teashop from the oven you will know a decided to reject my applica- their chocolate and almond, to do great things with a difficult St Mary’s Passage joy like no other. They do run tion to become an officially which was a triumph in coarse- fruit. Jeff couldn’t have enjoyed Embrace the naff, if you can. out, but it’s worth waiting for endorsed producer of sand- grained goo, but it’s too rich, wiches. Membership would more the buns with whole hazel- Celebrate the naff, if you’re the next batch. No, really. Other mean getting my kitchen even for seasoned cake-fiends nuts, coconut and rich, mineable Stanza. Their cakes are good, highlights are the lemon drizzle inspected by the boys at BSA, like us – share it with your date. veins of chocolate. The set-up is but doilies abound. We heard (delicate to a fault) and Stanza’s and being allowed to use the The ginger cake was gluten- and simple and light, there’s no mu- more than one conversation favourite Cam carrot cake (per- BSA logo, which looks like a excitement-free. zak, so you can work or read the about the new John Lewis, but fect icing). The cappuccino is the slice of Pizza. Cake apart, we weren’t entirely paper, or just eat the very best John Lewis is hot stuff even in ideal accompaniment to caking. The logo for the Pizza, convinced. Go if you can get the cakes in Cambridge. the Kambar these days. Their Set in a bus stop, you might Pasta and Italian Food As- window-seat upstairs; otherwise hot cakes cheer the soul: we are think it’s too close to the mad- sociation does not return the a First Class cake will be ruined Fitzbillies particularly fond of the banana ding crowd and it can be a bit favour, and is one of those by distinctly third class ambi- On Trumpington Street cake with syrup and ice cream. bustly at weekend lunchtimes. logos that just looks like two ence. The greatest shame about Something of a shibboleth among It’s unfussy, inelegant, whopping It’s perfect, though, for clan- boomerangs. Audaciously, the FCT is the downstairs seating Cambridge cake-heads. It started and lovely. Their chocolate fudge destine afternoon trysts, and Pizza, Pasta and Italian Food area. Seats are straight-backed in 1922, of course an excellent is the second best in town, a doesn’t close until 8pm, giving Association calls itself PAPA and too tall for the low tables, year for cake, and for Modern- lighter and more us hours to sink back and revel for short. Now before I get and beige is all very well, but ism. Joyce turned a seed cake naive ver- in the delights of a successful letters about this (and I do you get enough of it in college into ‘mawkish pulp her sion Cakebridge afternoon. get a lot of letters, you should furnishings. And don’t come mouth had mumbled sweet see my pigeon’s hole) I want here in search of a cappuccino. and sour with spittle’. We set out on a mission to find to make clear that I under- They’ve got 400 varieties of Some of their the finest cake in Cambridge. stand this is a joke, because tea, but only filter coffee. papa is an Italian word. But cakes have And cake we found. Sticky layers it is also outrageous. There is aged less of burnt sugar and pastry, damp, an etiquette surrounding the The Black Cat Café succulent, chocolaty goldmines, making of acronyms. You’re Mill Road, past banana and syrup and carrot allowed to leave articles, prep- the bridge. and Chelsea buns. But cakes are ositions and conjunctions out The Black Cat not just about cake houses. Jeff of the acronym. Hence NSPCC may not be fondly remembers lemon and co- as opposed to NSFTPOCTC. within your conut cake from his bedder, pink You are not just allowed to overworn and green monstrosities from the make stuff up. PAPA I think personal less well brought-up, and illicit comes from this arrangement: triangle of lemon drizzle in a fellows’ garden PizzA, Pasta and italian food college- by night. Last weekend, weary of associAtion. I sent them a let- library- the library, we stumbled across a ter complaining. And asking Sains- baking competition in our local, to be made a member. bury’s, the Champion of the Thames. Anyone can be a member of but this The “Champ Choc Cake lunch at the Mill, and there is all to Comp” was able to stir are no acronyms on the menu. new energy into griz- I went for the field mushroom, zly old regulars and beetroot and stilton wel- lington with fat chips and a overwrought students tomato sauce (the a is impor- alike, comrades in tant here). The wellington was arms for a stolen a beautiful crispy thing and afternoon of cake fresh, with a reassuring wait and beer (don’t that you don’t get with infe- ask for tea at rior pub food. The mushroom the Champ). We was a little intimidated by its hope this is only bedfellows, but who wouldn’t the beginning be. The ham with chips and of the transfor- peas was a sturdy and more mation of all traditional arrangement, of Cambridge’s although peas tend to fall off buildings into my fork. An old couple next to cake providers. us told the barman three or For nothing in four times in the space of two this town will minutes that the portions had redeem you like been generous. “That’s the cake. idea” said the barman. They do dinner too. Arts Editor: George Grist Friday November 23 2007 24 VIEWArts [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts Struck Off Hollywood’s on strike, and some of the most popular American TV shows, such as 24, Lost and Prison Break, are in jeopardy, stopping production halfway through. Greg Buchanan surveys the damage

f you woke up this morning, Such occurrences are not Zero, and the Justice League of cember 3rd with episode eleven. with the simple fact that any it’s because Jack Bauer spared unprecedented. In 1988 the Guild America can be found. A new ending has been written to future career for such a writer your life. Killing Jack Bauer – representing film, television, Yet it is within the realm of tel- give it more of a definite conclu- in America would automatically Idoesn’t make him dead – it just radio and new media writers in evision drama and comedy that sion. Similarly, Prison Break has be ruined as soon as the strike is makes him angry. What colour is America – struck for 22 weeks, the viewing pleasure of audiences thirteen completed scripts, and as resolved – so all budding screen- Jack Bauer’s blood? Trick ques- causing the industry as a whole will suffer the biggest blow. Some the thirteenth episode supposedly writers out there should think tion. Jack Bauer does not bleed. If to lose an estimated five hundred animated shows such as Family ends on a cliff-hanger regardless, before sending their latest work Facebook is the hub of a genera- million dollars. Back then, the is- Guy, due to their writers being will most likely be presented as a into Twentieth Century Fox or tion, then such quips as these sue hinged upon how much writ- WGA members, will fall from the full series also. Paramount. Yet in a nation where place real-time television series ers should be paid for re-runs of air very shortly. South Park is The main casualties in terms of television programming increas- 24 and its seemingly invulnera- their programmes. In a YouTube one of the strike’s few survivors cult-viewing would undoubtedly ingly hails from America, stifling ble secret agent hero Jack Bauer world where television audiences be LOST and 24. LOST executive any home-grown talent and (Keifer Kutherland) at a grow- are slipping and internet-based producer Carlton Cuse has been ruining the competitive chances ing culture’s head. Remember, video-on-demand is ever-growing “What colour spotted around various Holly- of British TV shows in the proc- remember, the fifth of November in popularity, the Guild this year wood picket lines with a WGA ess, the strike may at least help – because two weeks ago, due to demanded that its writers should is Jack Bauer’s sign asking passers-by a ques- creatively speaking. a strike begun by the Writer’s be granted residual payments for tion that many around the world Whoever said that unions were Guild of America (WGA) prevent- such media amounting to 2.5% of blood? Trick would probably like to know lame ducks has clearly been prov- ing any new scripts being written money raised. Furthermore, the the answer to – “Do you want to en wrong – the Writer’s Strike for the majority of television WGA asked that the four cents question. Jack know what the island is?” Only has defeated Jack Bauer where shows and films a writer currently receives from eight episodes of the fourth series thousands of bullets have failed; produced in the sale of a $15 DVD be doubled Bauer does not have been completed. In reply to it has left us stranded in the eve- the United – the rough equivalent of two to questions from entertainment ryday world, unable to find a way States, four pence in British sterling. The bleed.” website IGN surrounding wheth- back to the LOST island; it has that head Alliance of Motion Picture and er his television network would left us stuck outside of Prison; was cut Television Producers (AMPTP), choose to air these without the and it has left us powerless, off. representing the financial might as a non-Guild show, and ru- rest of the series, he said “we’d without a Hero, in the middle of of Hollywood, refused on both mours that an upcoming episode rather them hold it. It would be nowhere. Yet while the strike will counts. will directly deal with what is like reading half a novel”. And 24 certainly seem a thorn in the side The effects of the strike have currently going on in Hollywood relies upon its strongly serialised of many an audience member, been felt across the entertain- abound. One of the real and nature – episodes are supposed Seth MacFarlane (writer of ment world. The majority of big- definite concerns of the strike to represent an hour each over Family Guy and voice of Peter, name topical shows in America is, however, the fate of new and a single day – and so despite a Stewie, and Brian) explained have been shut down – Jay Leno, ending programmes. New shows similar number of eight episodes the situation to the website IGN Conan O’Brien and David Let- such as Gossip Girls and Jour- being completed, neither show by saying that they key issue terman are all currently out neyman, still trying to find their is likely to be seen by audiences impacts “regular middle class of work in that regard. The audiences, may be dealt a death until the strike ends. people, who for the record do not film industry will probably blow by any extended hiatus. However, all is not lost. Movie make $200,000 a year. They are fare better The critically acclaimed Battle- news website “The Hollywood just regular people who drive ’92 star Galactica and fan-favourite Reporter” ran a statement from Toyotas. And all they want is a Scrubs, both of which are enter- WGA chief negotiator John fair participation on revenues ing their final series, may never Bowman in which he stated that that are generated by things they now convey their intended finales “there comes a time in every create for new media – which is if the strike action persists. broken relationship for one side Internet, DVD – and as anyone Depending upon the number to step up and be the bigger man. can see, that stuff is going to be of scripts completed for each of Let us be the bigger man. I love very important in the future and the current series in production, you, AMPTP.” And even if an they want to make sure they’re some programmes may elect to attitude of reconciliation from protected.” He went on to implore than most, considering a recent air only half a season and wrap the Writer’s Guild of America the crowd in the guise of evil hit-list of films were rushed up with hastily constructed final- does not bring any conclusion baby Stewie that “victory will be into production before their es. The second series of Heroes, to this strike soon, then British ours”. Whether any such victory writers initiated strike-action. which, according to its producers, talent could provide a solution. can be gained for the writers, and Amongst such fare, the likes of had always been designed as a The Guild’s British equivalent, by extension the viewers who will High School Musical 3, Magneto, series of story arcs rather than the WGGB, has threatened any soon so desperately want their Street Fighter, The Sex and one massive plot like Season One, potential scabs who might wish television programming back, The City Movie, Dracula Year will wrap up in the US on De- to break the American strike remains to be seen. ...while Daniel Cohen talks to Hollywood writer and striker Tracy Straub tacy Traub is the creator and missioned after a pilot, let alone writer, as creator, “really has the summer, and an actors’ strike production; but without actors executive producer of ‘Notes for a second series; no wonder power” and the “final say”, but is a possibility. Without writ- they would come to a complete From the Underbelly’, an writers are so intent on getting that they are still “often taken for ers, projects can be rushed into standstill. SAmerican sitcom that returns for paid fairly for the shows that are granted”. The strikers have been its second series in the United actually aired. Collaboration in “unbelievably” united – perhaps a States on 26 November. Her American screenwriting is strong result of their collaborative work. Hollywood career began in the – unlike British television series, A strong presence is even felt at late 90s as a writer’s assistant frequently authored by an indi- the 6am picketing shifts, while for the series Mad About You, fol- vidual or duo, those in America actors have picketed alongside lowed by her first job writing, for have a team of writers. Traub them. There is definitely a strong Suddenly Susan. Work writing is very keen on this aspect: “We sense that this is about the fu- for Kitchen Confidential, based all sit in a room and figure out ture: “things are obviously in flux on the early experiences of New the stories together and do the right now… eventually there may York chef Anthony Bourdain, re-writes together. It’s a great be no network television, and and What I Like About You fol- atmosphere… And it is much less we’ll just download everything lowed, before she was approached lonely then sitting in a room by from the Internet.” At a time of to write the pilot for Notes From yourself in front of a computer.” great insecurity for everyone in the Underbelly, a show “about a Although Notes From the Hollywood, writers are refusing married couple who are start- Underbelly is currently being to be left behind: “I believe we are ing a family. It’s like Sex and shot, Traub has spurned produc- fighting for something extremely the City once they get married tion for striking: “I am walking important. For us, and for future and start settling down.” In the the picket lines four hours a writers down the line.” ratings-driven world of American day and not doing any writing.” It’s hard to see the trouble television, “the odds are definitely She believes that television is ending here. The Screen Actors against” getting a series com- the only medium in which the Guild’s contracts expire next Hollywood: the hills are on strike Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] VIEWArts 25

Arts Column Lowri Jenkins

Like a lot of English students, I’m a big fan of Shakespeare. I was the kid in the GCSE English class getting evangeli- cal while everyone else thought Macbeth was ‘boring’; I can reel off a fair few quotations; I even have a cheeky Romeo and Juliet pen which, on being turned upside down, depicts ol’ Romeo climbing up to his lady’s balcony. Yet however much I love the Bard, I can’t help but think his deifi ed position as master of English literature is a bit over-zealous. Critics such as Harold Bloom in ‘Shakespeare and the Invention of the Hu- man’ (the clue’s in the title) get to the extreme of implying that Shakespeare’s genius is so far-reaching that he could see through time and predict the theoretical models we Total Eclipse now throw on him. Even the mistakes, apparently, were deliberate. Clever William. I’m not saying that Shake- speare was simply a lucky scribbler; I wouldn’t dream of questioning his genius. What troubles me is that the extent to which we glorify him might DECCA MULDOWNEY stop us from appreciating his of the Art concrete dramatic and poetic achievements. This sycophan- tic approach to Shakespeare For most of us college art makes little impact on our lives. Anna Trench engenders a kind of reader laziness: ah well, he’s so bloody explains the opportunities for getting involved and issues a call to arms for the good we’ll just never under- stand it. Let’s just read it in apathetic artists of Cambridge a self-righteously sermonising voice and hope everyone else ne day when you’re bored arty skills, Pembroke has an open active Jesuans set up a space unfamiliar corner or visiting your bows down too. and looking for something art room for college members called The Forum in an old shop- DoS’s room. Undoubtedly there And the resistance to scru- new to do, why not go in every Friday evening and holds ping arcade, with art projects, are many great works hidden tiny which this laziness invokes Osearch of your college art room. weekly events such as art ther- performances and fi lm screen- away in fellows’ rooms (there’s also has huge impact on the It will probably be found up a apy classes and clay workshops, ings. It’s also worth keeping an talk of a Picasso hidden in King’s) performance of Shakespeare. hidden staircase, behind a locked and ArcSoc (Architecture Society) eye out for college art competi- but what’s really exciting is that Simply praising the text as door and closed shutters, and in- has dozens of events and a great poetry and failing to identify its tions. They sometimes lead to in many cases we don’t have to dramatic properties, from the side this dusty room will be dried website on which to fi nd out exhibitions, and could land you observe these works of art from Corpus Playroom to the RSC, out oil paints, broken easels and about them (www.arcsoc.com). a hundred pounds or so just for a distance. Most colleges allow encourages “emo acting”. This a few dire 1980s pastel nudes. Queens’ and Pembroke both hold messing about with your paint- students to borrow works for is the kind of acting which can But don’t be disheartened - there life classes on Mondays, at 7-8.30 brush. the year, from tattered posters only be likened to a dodgy Hun- may be more going on than you and 7.30-9.30 respectively. ArcSoc Most colleges have amazing art to original prints of Piper and dred Reasons b-side. Delivery of think. has life classes every Friday at 2 collections and often hold exhibi- Paolozzi. lines is in a stylized/constipated Unlike drama, music or sport, in the architecture department. tions by established artists. New If you search hard, you’ll fi nd whisper, unexpectedly giving visual arts in Cambridge can be For years King’s college ran a Hall has the best collection of that there is a lot of art at Cam- way to moments of SHOUTING an ironically diffi cult thing to popular undergraduate life class, 20th century women’s art in the bridge. But the problem seems REALLY FUCKING LOUDLY see. Of course, we have loads of but as the college currently has country, and it’s there for every- to be that unless you are directly SO YOU CAN’T UNDER- galleries, dozens of commercial no artist in residence the classes one to see. Take a trip up the hill involved with your college art STAND THE WORDS. ones dotted around the streets are on hold - or at least offi cially. and look at works by Paula Rego, room or dark room, it’s easy to re- As diffi cult as it is to be as well as Kettle’s Yard and the A week or so ago at around mid- main ignorant of it. Furthermore, heard at the back of the Globe Fitzwilliam Museum. But maybe night, a girl stumbled up to the with the relatively small number when the groundlings are all you think you’re a bit arty (took King’s art room with some others “In an unforeseen of art historians, the cliquey rustling in their condom-a-like AS level art, or an art founda- after formal, having been pennied architecture scene and the fact waterproofs, I doubt very much tion course, or do architecture or a few too many times. In an un- turn of events that Cambridge, unlike Oxford, that this kind of performance art history, or maybe you’re just foreseen turn of events she soon has no fi ne art course, there is no is the best way to get the point an unconventional compsci who across. Grand feelings aren’t stripped off and an impromptu she soon stripped consistent centre for visual arts. conveyed just by turning up enjoys drawing naked men) and life class ensued. But there is a fair bit of funding the volume: Shakespeare’s want to know what actually goes Some of the drawings produced off and an available, and we just need to plays work dramatically not on in the colleges? Well, there are appeared in the All Souls exhibi- take advantage of it. because they read well, but be- life classes, dark rooms, exhibi- tion at King’s last Saturday. It impromptu life There was a Cambridge cause they inscribe particular tions by students and established was an open exhibition where University Visual Arts Soci- actions, tensions and situations artists, collections you can borrow students brought work, and there class ensued” ety a few years ago, but when which are concretely actable. from, lectures and talks and were also blank canvases with I recently looked it up (and got What pisses me off the most events you can go to. You just paints and pens for people to rather excited about the events is that it’s not just students have to search. Look for websites make their own art. A number of Barbara Hepworth and hundreds they were holding) I discovered with a four-week rehearsal and Facebook groups. Look on no- other colleges put on student ex- more, which fi ll the corridors, hall the website hadn’t actually been schedule and Part I disserta- tice boards. Art posters won’t be hibitions. They are important not and dome of the college, as well updated since 2004. What we tion to write that fall into that hard to fi nd, for unlike those just as a forum to show the art we as the Quentin Blake sketches in need is an organized centre for the trap of emo-acting. A lot of chess soc they (probably) won’t have created, but also to promote the café. the visual arts: one that has of the time professionals get be made with soul-destroying the space and materials we have. If your taste is more for mod- enough interested members that paid to do the same thing, just WordArt. John’s put one on in Michelmas ern sculpture, take a stroll the it won’t disappear after a year or on a bigger stage and with a There are quite a few life last term and Pembroke Art gardens of Jesus, Emmanuel and so, and one that can make links costume that wasn’t salvaged drawing classes and workshops and Photographic Society has Churchill, which all have signifi - between smaller art societies from Oxfam. Blind reverence around the university, and a winter exhibition coming up; cant works on display (though and inform students of upcoming towards Shakespeare only King’s and Pembroke also have encourages this kind of empty last week ArcSoc had a ‘Summer none quite so infamous as Flana- events. Having said that, ArcSoc performing: if we were keener dark rooms. Christ’s has weekly Sketchbook’ exhibition. gan’s Jesus horse). By contrast, a does a fantastic job and is open to pick apart the Bard’s words ‘experimental’ workshops run by Jesus has an annual student lot of the art in colleges appears to all students. So use your pencil we hold so dear, we might do their resident artist, Newnham exhibition in the chapel and rather hidden, and is discovered for something that isn’t defacing better at making them sing. has ‘Sunday sessions’ to share library, and last May Week some by accident after turning an library books, and get involved. Some think intern. We think colleague.

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Thinking New Perspectives.

Credit Suisse is an Equal Opportunity Employer and does not discriminate in its employment decisions on the basis of any protected category. To the extent permitted or required by applicable law, a candidate who is offered employment will be subject to a criminal record check and other background checks before the appointment is confirmed. © 2007 CREDIT SUISSE GROUP and/or its affiliates. All rights reserved. Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] REVIEW 27

Once Upon A Time... The 2007 ADC/ Footlights Panto ADC

RICHARD GARDNER The Footlights Panto is as distinctions theme. The ‘upper is Footlights doing Footlights anyone who hasn’t, let’s put much a part of Christmas as class’ ride horses; the ‘lower in sketch-like bits of Alice in it like this: this boy can make Santa, mistletoe and mince class’ are called chavs. My, Wonderland madness. Liber- the line “there are no T-shirts, pies. This is where you go for ated from the panto story, this is communism” sound like cheery cheesiness. But some- Brothers Grimm characters Monty Python. What a feat. how, this year’s doesn’t fully “Emma dart in and out and Cam- And yet. And yet. And yet. live up to the promise. bridge’s classic word-play gags The ‘x’ factor isn’t quite there. Clatworthy and Mullar- Hiddlestone begin. Add in Will Feather- As theatrical impressario key’s Once Upon a Time is, to stone and Jack Gordon-Brown George Devine had it, the coin a phrase, a pantomime redeems the bounding about the stage secret to a good play is “the of two halves. The first is a like a pair of over-excitable script, the script, the script”. workmanlike but pretty con- intrinsically dull puppies engaged in a bond- Which is, in a word, patchy. fused version of your classic ing ritual and everything gets This is a panto that would Cinderella. The approach to romantic lead part much more enjoyable. benefit from liberal editing. Dir: Alex punch-lines definitely veers There’s no doubting that The first ten minutes, for on the less is more. Musical with singing that this panto has a fantastic example. Gordon-Brown does Clatworthy numbers are overly long and cast. Emma Hiddlestone a sterling job of carrying the every idea is stretched well is simply beautiful” redeems the intrinsically dull production along with him, beyond its natural limit. Is romantic lead part with sing- but it’s beyond the power of this supposed to be tradi- ing that is simply beautiful. any man to stop Once Upon a tional? Or should Cambridge look at all these boundaries And Alastair Roberts steals Time from dragging. Theatre students be subversive? they’re pushing. “Oh, casual the show with his (underused) See it just to watch this cast Who knows, but you might prejudice!” the King laugh- comic genius. For anyone who in action, but it’s less a laugh ★★★★★ have children in the audience. ingly calls out. Quite. has seen him before, all you a minute than a chuckle every So, the script falls back on The whole thing finally gets need to know is that he plays ten. a tame poking-fun-at-class- going after the interval. This a French revolutionary. For Imogen Walford

Moliere’s classic play about the gent throughout, a highlight of menting the scene interludes rhyme in the couplets, reciting deception of a doting middle- which was the Tartuffe’s seduc- of dance band music. Philippa the lines without even a cur- aged man by a cunning young tion of Elmire, during which Dinnage and Cait Crosse each sory emphasis at the line-end, Tartuffe man, who tries to seduce his Orgon is hidden underneath a dressed and behaved as soci- whilst others behaved more wife and win his money. It table, a scene with great picto- ety ‘types’, the former daddy’s like rhetoricians, pausing for Homerton began well, with Alice Malin rial quality. spoilt but obedient little girl, effect at the end of each. tottering onto the stage, bent This farce was rendered the latter a sexually liberal Both styles worked, the lat- Auditorium double, and surveying the quite surreal by the transla- society dame. Howie Taylor’s ter being more self consciously audience with a sneering raise tion, which treated Moliere’s Tartuffe came across as a slimy absurd, more obviously a call of the eyebrow. Playing Or- original liberally, but to great matador, replete with gigantic to the audience, but the two gon’s aged mother, she was so comic effect, unafraid of using silver cross and open necked together sometimes appeared convincing that one might be modern idioms such as “bugger silk shirt. He was both rapa- as incoherent, some playing forgiven for thinking her to be me sideways”. Orgon, played cious and sly as the man who within their characters, others an elderly relative of the one by Joel Massey, treated his role tricks the doting Orgon of his more consciously exaggerat- of the cast, lost on the way to with an amusing refl exiveness, money and (nearly) his daugh- ing. This is a small criticism her seat. hamming his preposterous con- ter. The excellent cockney maid, when considering that each As she continued to lec- cern for Tartuffe’s well-being Helen Winston, was fully aware individual managed to present ture the assembled family on and, more impressively, shar- of the many ‘double entendres’, a plausible character, with a no- Tartuffe’s virtue, they crept be- ing the humour of the text’s sharing them without overplay- table cameo from Ben Hayward hind her in imitation of “what’s own fallibility. His aggressive ing them to the audience. as the jobsworth bailiff with a the time Mr Wolf?” tiptoeing outbursts were funny if a little This was not universally worryingly dictatorial mous- Dir: Kiran Gill within an inch of touching her too frequent. the case, however, and there tache. The play ends with a before she rallied to another The dress was for the most was the odd occasion when the clever twist of fate, and a satire sententious point with such part coherent with the pe- thought of a possible innuendo on King Louis’ treatment of his violence that they were sent riod chosen, which seemed to seemed to overrule the expres- friends, which raises questions Theatre scurrying to the back of the be early twentieth century; sion of the true meaning. Some of justice of with fresh eyes. ★★★★★ stage. The blocking was intelli- waistcoats and cravats comple- characters chose to belie the Pascal Porcheron Arts Editor: George Grist Friday November 23 2007 28 REVIEW [email protected] varsity.co.uk/arts

Ibsen’s A Doll’s House is a thetic protagonist. Her most Patrick Walshe-McBride’s per- landmark of theatre history convincing scenes were those formance did nothing to ease A Doll’s and a literary classic which has with Pan Demetrious as Dr these diffi culties: rather than view at its heart an exploration of Rank who also gave one of breathing life into a cliché, from the gods House nineteenth century attitudes the most eloquent he fell back on caricature and towards women. The slammed produced a stiff, predictable Fitzpatrick door which marks Nora’s performance. departure and the end of Helmer’s relationship the play is one of the with Nora is also incred- Hall most iconic and contro- ibly diffi cult to stage versial moments in because, having theatre and it is a lasted for eight play which should years it must certainly not be now deteriorate taken on lightly. over three Which makes days. The ac- In the spirit of Christmas cheer, its popular- tors seemed this fi nal View from the Gods col- ity as student undecided in umn offers a two-fold apology to theatre some- their inter- those injuriously dealt with this what perplex- pretation of term by the theatre section. ing. To do the the Torvalds’ Whilst maintaining the trite play justice relation- and offensive (not to say badly requires ship and as researched) prose which has in- not only a such, their vited as much criticism as Enoch supremely marriage Powell’s public relations offi cer, talented and was largely I would like to apologise fi rst to disciplined unbelievable. those involved in Fame! The Mu- cast but also By contrast, sical whose unassuming produc- two leading ac- the scene be- tion has been ritually lambasted tors with a vast tween Krogstadt in these pages. On my part, I amount of energy. DYLAN SPENCER-DAVIDSON and Mrs Linde suppose I must have willed that A Doll’s House was (Max Hayward and superfl uous exclamation mark never written to be a Eve Rosato) positively (that alarm bell of cultural neg- light Victorian drama, nor trembled with repressed ligence) into the title. For who was it intended to serve as a emotion and was a high can hear that hallowed name CV booster for the actors in the point of the production. and not see jazz hands tingling, principle roles, though this is The fi nal act of the play is garish smiles, “teeth ‘n’ tits”, glit- often what it turns out to be; performances of the evening. It a two-man show and it was ter and effusions of hackneyed Dir: James Lewis at the end of the performance was a pity, therefore, that the here that Walshe-McBride and sentiment? One producer of the both cast and audience should scene in which he implicitly an- Breeze fi nally seemed to dis- ill-fated musical angrily emailed and Lauren Cooney be left exhausted. nounces his death to Nora was play an understanding of their me, no doubt due to the fact that Happily, Matthew Bulmer’s thrown away. characters. he realised his production would production, on the whole, The role of Helmer is a Consequently, it was in this no longer be eligible for the most- managed to avoid the com- challenging one because he is fi nal act that the production obnoxiously-punctuated-play mon pitfalls: Caitlin Breeze, so detestable to the audience managed to escape the crowd- award 2007. as Nora, though rather un- but so delightful to himself. ed, clinging mire of student One audience member de- Theatre likeable at the beginning of Furthermore, the language Ibsen and do some justice to a scribed the production as “under- ★★★★★ the production, warmed up to he uses is patronising and his classic. graduate” with a shudder. But create a strong and sympa- character is painfully dated. Lizzie Davis why should we be ashamed of student drama? It’s all we have. Let us rejoice in malfunctioning radio mikes, obnoxious pre- I’m fi nding this a very diffi cult about last night’s performance charming little moments of recorded doorbells that ring in show to critique. There was a that had me checking my watch meta-theatre salvages this to I Scream... stereo and singers who patently lot that I liked about it. The every few minutes - a bad sign an extent, but not a very big can’t sing, in the hope that by character sketches were simple, in a short play. Perhaps it was extent. Mention should also go Scoop! the time we leave there will be familiar, and yet effective. because the production and the to Ned Carpenter, who slipped enough productions on our CV to The format (our protagonist script both need some substan- seamlessly into at least three mitigate the lack of distinction of retells the story of his journal- tial polishing. The action needs roles, showing an impressive ADC our arts degree. istic exploits to his crazy old to move faster, deliveries need command of the West Country The second of my apologies aunt, while she sits amongst to be stronger, and the perform- accent. Allusions to notable concerns the review of Othello! the audience) is original and ers need to avoid seeming as if and notorious Trinity English The Shakespeare Play. Our re- makes for a very comfortable they are expecting to mess up fellows were slightly lost on me, viewer Guy Stagg was detected relationship between audience their next lines. but perhaps had more comic scurrying out of the Corpus and performer. David F. Walton Tenzing White, the budding value for those acquainted with Playrooms during the interval. has fantastic stage presence young reporter whose journey Eric and Adrian. I would go Quite right you might say, un- and confi dent delivery, and we follow, would have defi nitely so far as to give this play four speakably tedious Shakespeare Jessica Barker-Wren offers up seen to some much needed stars for potential, but as it is a thing rightfully avoided. an unhinged old lady that is “pruning” of the script. Al- stands, it has a long way to go But you would be wrong. For second to none. There are, in though Tom Hensby’s comic tal- before living up to its tag-line who has not seen Shakespeare this funny little story about a ent is evident, too many aver- as a “Terribly funny play”. At in performance and not felt provincial town and its not so age gags stifl e the few instances least the poster got one thing that intellectual gag refl ex hard-nosed journalists, all the of brilliant writing. That right: “I scream scoop” really is Theatre compelling one to eschew all makings of a fantastic comedy. Hensby explicitly acknowledges a terrible pun. ★★★★★ further contact with Macbeth, I wonder, therefore, what it was the presence of poor puns in Tash Lennard Midsummer Night’s Dream and Measure for Measure (for example)? It is a diffi cult lesson to learn The dangers of a play named sisted by Jeremy Beadle (Dav- into the revenge tragedy in for reviewers that no matter how Preview Flesh Eating Jacobean Zom- id Isaacs), ex-ITV presenter, the discrepancy between word boring the play, no matter how bies, which attempts to marry court jester, eater of Turkish and emotion. That the Prince attractive the alternatives (the modern and Renaissance delight and lover of Muslim says the word “forgive” forty Aryan homunculus was spotted Flesh-eating subject-matter, and is written hate-cleric Abu Hamza (Louis times during the fi nal scene carousing at Cambridge night- entirely in blank verse, is that Jagger). When this dubious does drift towards self-indul- spot Ballare that very night) Jacobean it may be generic surrealist duo fi nally consummate their gence, but the fi nal grotesque one must remain in the theatre student comedy (“Enter David forbidden love, it spawns touch will not fail to entertain. until the curtain call. That self- Zombies Hasselhoff as a terrorist” etc.), a hoard of the living dead It is only the wit of the confessed wastrel invited extra pretentious or self-indulgent. (obviously) who threaten the writer which manages to criticism, in his fl orid effl uence Peterhouse The story: a king called troubled kingdom with their keep these digressive strands “gagging sense of violent irreso- Elvis (played by Syborn groaning presence. within the structure of a lution”, attacking an ending he Theatre himself) beds the object of his It would be a bad idea to tight-spot, as is required of had not even seen. son’s affections, Lady Danae attempt to summarise any of the Jacobean revenge tragedy Next week, if you are stuck (Cecily Carbone), so anger- the many good ideas which which provides its inspiration. without the essential advice ing his son (Pilar Garrard) populate the script, but the This weird offering, from the proffered by this column, go to Dir: Freddy Syborn that he reincarnates (using clever manipulation of blank unsung heroes of a college see Attempts on Her Life, a play your standard alchemy set) verse, the appropriation of which is attempting to ille- my mother left before the end Theatre the hymen of his beloved and convention juxtaposed with gitimise fun on a daily basis, because she said she “thought it poisons his father with it. the eclectic modern reference deserves to be seen. didn’t matter”. There you go then. The plot is excellently as- diagnoses an amusing insight Orlando Reade Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/arts [email protected] REVIEW 29

US Hip Hop in 2007 has been voices and fl ows to characterise creatures that wriggle about for Shape of fantastic. After a host of bril- each of the members of Shape of three minutes or so and die a albums liant Def Jux and Stone’s Throw Broad Minds, often harmonising spontaneous death. He takes this every right-minded person Long Players, comes the Hip the different characters like you futurist model and transposes it should own Broad Minds Hop album of the year in time were listening to the Jackson onto the world: the broad minds for Christmas on Lex Records, a Five having just killed their dad talk of girls, death, history, the Craft of the young but extremely exciting la- in the bathroom one evening and street, drugs, cars, and prob- bel. Craft of the Lost Art is solely are now feeling a bit – but not ably fi re, knives et cetera.His Lost Art produced by multi-everythingist very - guilty. One could draw nu- collaboration with the king of Jneiro Jarel who takes his merous parallels with Madlib but underground rap, MF Doom, on “surname” (since not even this is this is nothing but compliment to the track Let’s Go, establishes his real name!) from Superman’s their unbelievable versatility. Jneiro’s position on one of the less dad. Like his Stone’s Throw con- The topics that this album major Hip Hop thrones in the sky temporary, the hyper-producer deals with are wide-ranging. with the lyrics of OPR8R sound- Madlib who has close to 30 ali- Politically-relevant lyrics must ing like a beseechment to the ases, Jarel has countless albums be soundtracked with realism to switchboard operator up there, to his name (or not his name as ensure a feeling of gravity in both entreating her with warm words Album the case may be). Like Madlib’s the performer and the audience. to upgrade his Cumulonimbus. ★★★★★ incarnation as the castrato Jneiro’s beats live inside your One day man, one day. The Holy Bible Quasimoto, Jarel uses different speakers: they grow into little Andrew Spyrou The Manic Street Preachers I find it hard to comprehend Windows Media Player. why a band who hasn’t even There are some good songs “You’re not fucking doing the released a proper second here, its true. The anthemic The Fratellis Holy Bible. There’s no way.” album yet feels the need to Chelsea Dagger seemed to get That was the Music Editor’s Caspa & Rusko release a DVD. It’s a nice the Brixton crowd a-poppin’ Edgy in reaction to my choosing the DVD no doubt, the display and the light shows were Manic’s fi nest work as the Fabric Live 37 case, in itself, is an artistic all a neon mind-warp. The Brixton term’s last entry to this column. oddity, which refuses to close disappointing lack of Scottish And in a sense, I think the and only seems to be comfort- banter was made up for by band would appreciate that. Album able if stood upright so that it generally jovial renditions of After all, it was a deliberately ★★★★★ resembles a 3D pop-up book, The Pimp and Henrietta. provocative work, a raucous tableau. The thing is, surely But why the Fratellis feel yet sensitive two fi ngers to the point of a music DVD is to the need to do this, or why consumerism, racism, anorexia be allowed, by the technologi- Fratellis fans will feel the and everything wrong with cal wonder of recording equip- need to purchase this when mainstream politics and emo- ment, to see the great gigs of they could probably buy a tions. Richey James Edwards, all time, or bands that have concert ticket for about the who wrote the majority of the become either too expensive same price is beyond me. If album’s lyrics, went missing or too dead to see for real. you really can’t wait for the fewer than six months after its Though I can never actually Fratellis to go on tour, then by release, and has not been seen be at Woodstock, Live Aid, or all means, this is the best way since; a presumed suicide. the Freddie Mercury Tribute to get a fix Otherwise, is there The opener, Yes, unasham- Concert, I may still imagine really any point? edly embraces powerlessness my presence via the magic of Owain Mckimm and hopelessness (Everyone I’ve loved or hated always seems to leave; Can’t shout, can’t scream, I hurt myself to get pain I should point out before I begin out) - it’s a frank admission this review that I am slightly of failure. Against this tragic biased, due to the fact that I hate backdrop, the Manics retort dance music. However, rather with anger, with ifwhiteam- than turn down the chance to ericatoldthetruthforonedayits- get my name once more in print, worldwouldfallapart an eerily I bit my tongue, swallowed my prophetic attack on Britain and pride, digested my doubts and America’s hypocritical racial followed up a few more clichés values (there’s not enough black and non-clichés, and pretended in the union jack, there’s too like I did. “A new Fabriclive CD?” much white in the stars and I said. “Put together by progres- stripes). Faster is a vitriolic sive dupstep types Caspa and socialist manifesto (I am an Rusko?” I said. “I’m your man” architect, they call me a butcher) I said. I was lying of course. I’m which laments communal deni- completely wrong for this sort of al of responsibility (I’ve been too thing. I don’t frequent dubstep honest with myself I should’ve clubs. I don’t frequent any clubs, lied like everybody else). being socially awkward, intensely Music DVD It’s not all politics and bile. 4st agoraphobic, and aggressively ★★★★★ 7lb is a moving and tragic ac- afraid of neon lighting. I never count of descent into anorexia, dance, even in the privacy of my refl ecting Edwards’ personal own home (though I have been experiences, with the motif I known to jump up and down want to be so skinny that I rot to Slayer’s Raining Blood now from view. More chilling is Die and again – well, who doesn’t, in the Summertime, where the eh?), indeed, I avoid all rhythmic Handel’s opera ‘Xerxes’ has had two extremities, with the set chanted refrain seems to envi- movement as much as possible a chequered history. First per- providing symbolic possibilities sion Edwards’ internal dishar- with the exceptions of occasional Handel’s Xerxes formed in 1738, it was dropped and an appropriately wacky mony and inevitable demise. moshing (see above) and inter- after a run of fi ve performances feel to the piece. Ruth Taylor Set against this impossibly mittent acts of heavily-disguised Fitzwilliam and, with Handel moving onto excelled in the title role, and bleak backdrop comes This is onanism (see previous pieces). the composition of his famous despite her less than imposing Yesterday, a song which against In short, I am not the ideal man Auditorium oratorios, it seemed to have stature still judged the tone all odds paints a hopeful picture to review a 70 minute mix of been consigned to the dustbin of the role to perfection; and of a fractured relationship; dancefl oor-smashing dub and of history. It was 250 years Ben Williamson as Arsamene sadness of course is the central bass electro madness. later, in 1979, that the piece got delivered a fl awless vocal per- theme, but there’s a possibility And yet, I fi nd myself strangely its next outing, and since then formance you’d fi nd it hard to that it’s temporary: Someone enjoying the sensation. Repetitive its popularity has bloomed. better on the professional stage. somewhere soon will take care of and snappy beats, slightly gruff Last week’s performance by the In fact the singing across the you; I repent, I’m sorry, every- synthy bits, the odd vocal sample best of Cambridge’s young tal- cast was impeccable, although thing is falling apart. (“Rude boy!”) – it ain’t exactly ent fully justifi ed this revival, it was occasionally disappoint- The music editor was The Carpenters, yet it remains a combining some professional- ing that fl uid and imaginative right. The Holy Bible prob- strangely unthreatening experi- standard music with a sensibly acting seemed to have been ably shouldn’t feature in this ence. It purrs rather than growls, judged interpretation. The neglected. Overall this was a column. It’s not really an album shimmies rather than grinds. quasi-fantastical setting and deeply impressive performance, for a right-minded person; it’s This might be the MDMA talk- improbable plot is probably just and is going to be reprised over an album for the angry and the ing, but I didn’t mind it at all. Opera what the eighteenth century the border in Bury St Edmunds disillusioned, and anyone brave This dance music lark could be ★★★★★ rejected and the eighties ad- next April if you missed it this enough to tackle it. worth keeping an eye on. mired; this production at Fitz time round. George Grist Philip Rack steered a fi ne line between the Toby Chadd Listings Editors: Josh Farrington, Verity Simpson Friday November 23 2007 30 VIEWListings [email protected] varsity.co.uk/listings film theatre music other going out The Darjeeling Attempts On Her Life Thin Lizzy Inkle and Yarico UNICEF presents... Limited Wed 28 Nov - Sat 1 Dec, ADC Fri 23 Nov, Corn Exchange, Mon 26 Nov, , Fitzwilliam Christmas Cracker Fri 23 - Thurs 29 Nov, Vue, Theatre, 23.00, £4 - £5 19.30, £24 Museum, 19.30, £25 Tues 27 Nov, The Union, 21.00 Various times. - 01.00 1997 doesn’t sound all that Perfectly complementing the The long awaited Wes long ago, but when you From Reason to Revolution: It is a fundraiser, which I’m Anderson offering is finally realise it was ten years hence, Art and Society in 18th Centu- sure will send alarm bells pick here. Comprising some of half of your entire life (or ry Britain exhibition, this 1787 ringing for those of you who the best acting talent of this thereabouts), it suddenly tragi-comic opera by Samuel are feeling the strains of end of era (when did we last see seems to be a whole different Arnold is sure to be a treas- of term cash flow problems, Brody? Why was it so long age. This being so, it seems ure. Extremely popular in however, it’s in an undeniably ago?), the film tells the tale high time to resurrect its time, and now recognised good cause. Festive cock- of three American brothers Martin Crimp’s modern as a key force in alerting the tails and mince pies will be in the who have not spoken to classic, a controversial, even British public to the horrors of abundance, accompanied by a each other in a year, so set revolutionary piece of theatre. slavery, it follows the love af- backdrop of DJ Mark Curl- off on a train journey across The attempts of the title are fair of a young British trader ing. The Union is not only for India with a plan to find attempts to tell the perfect Sure, Phil Lynott might be a and the Guyanan princess that debating you know - it’s put on week story, running the whole bit dead, but many a band has saves his life. A passionate themselves and bond with some excellent club nights in one another again. Of course gamut of modern life and proved that death need be no relationship is soon underway, the past, and on that note, you things don’t go to plan, that compressing it into an hour of hindrance to those determined but will the lure of profit take might consider going to the never happens. But I won’t intense, emotional action. to rock. The boys are very much precedence over love? S.U.A.D. nights too. Make use ruin the ending for you. back in town. of the Union card you paid for. friday Shrooms Peer Gynt Thin Lizzy From Reason to Revolution: Friday Fez Vue, 14.00, 16.15, 18.30, 20.50 Corpus Playrooms, 19.30 Corn Exchange, 19.30, £24 Art and Society in 18th Fez, 22.00-03.30, £5 - £7 August Rush Once Upon a Time... Strawberry Fair Fundraiser Century Britain S.U.A.D. with the Priory DJs Vue, 15.30, 18.15, 21.00 ADC Theatre, 19.45 Barfly @ The Graduate, 19.30 Fitwilliam Museum, 10.00 - The Union, 21.00 - 01.00, £3, Love’s Labours Lost Help out now to ensure an ace 17.00 free to Union members Pembroke New Cellars, 21.00 weekend of summer chillaxing Celebrate the near end of come June. term in fine style.

saturday The Darjeeling Limited Peer Gynt Milburn The Gentle Art: Friends and S.U.A.D. at Queens’ College 23 Vue, 12.00, 14.40, 17.20, 20.00 Corpus Playrooms, 19.30 ARU, 19.30, £11 Strangers in Whistler’s Prints Bar Harold And Maude Once Upon a Time... XX Teens Fitzwilliam Museum, 10.00 - Queens’, 21.00 - 00.00, free Old Labs, Newnham Gar- ADC Theatre, 2.30, 19.45 Barfly @ The Graduate, 19.30, 17.00 entry (optional £1 donation) dens, 20.00 Love’s Labours Lost £5.50 If you missed out last night, Pembroke New Cellars, 21.00 Formerly the Xerox Teens, like you’ve been given another you knew who they were. chance. Make it.

sunday Return to Goree Flesh Eating Zombies Jakobinarina Private Pleasures: The Sunday Service 24 Arts Picturehouse, 15.00 Friends of Peterhouse Barfly @ The Graduate, Illuminated Manuscripts Club 22, 22.00-03.00, £4 - £5 La Vie En Rose Theatre, 20.00 CANCELLED from Persia to Paris Everyone who would usually Arts Picturehouse, 11.00 Lame, lame, lame. Fitzwilliam Museum, 10.00 - be at Cindies be there. Is that Grandhotel Songs in the Dark 17.00 an incentive? Not sure. Arts Picturehouse, 12.15 Clowns Cafe, 20.00, Free

monday American Gangster The panto is actually on today, There’s a rumour going Inkle and Yarico Fat Poppadaddy’s 25 Vue, 13.40, 17.10, 20.40 but I wasn’t going to let that around that Leona Lewis’s Fitzwilliam Museum, 19.30, Fez, 22.00-03.30 £3 - £4 The Darjeeling Limited stand in the way of my usual Bleeding Love is actually about £25 Renacimiento Arts Picturehouse, 12.00, “theatre-free Monday” sarky menstruation. Samuel Arnold’s 1787 opera Soul Tree, £4 after 00.00 14.15, 18.45, 21.00 comment. It’s a Cambridge about interracial love against Almost your last chance to institution in its own right, so the odds meet that Spanish Erasmus there. Damn it, I’ve run out of student.

tuesday Rembrandt Once Upon a Time... Blah Blah Blah AFlordePiel UNICEF presents... 26 Arts Picturehouse, 13.30 ADC Theatre, 19.45 Barfly @ The Graduate, 19.30, £5 Wolfson College Christmas Cracker Brick Lane Carry on Improvising If their music is as bad as their Exciting new inter- The Union, 21.00 - 01.00 Arts Picturehouse, 16.20, ADC Theatre, 23.00 name... no, it couldn’t be. disciplinary performance type CU UNICEF fundraise for 21.00 9.6% Love thingumy. their “Born Free from HIV” Atonement Corpus Playrooms, 21.30 campaign. Vue, 14.30

wednesday August Rush Once Upon a Time... The Hamsters Elgar 150th Birthday Pins+Needles Present 27 Vue, 15.30, 18.15, 21.00 ADC Theatre, 19.45 The Junction, 19.00, £12.50 Celebrations Knitwear before Christmas Blade Runner: The Final Attempts On Her Life The Rascals / The Suzukis King’s College Chapel, 20.00, Kambar, £3 all night. Expect Cut ADC Theatre, 23.00 Soul Tree, 20.00, £11 £5 - £25 Electro, gypsy, grotto, grime Arts Picturehouse, 11.00, 9.6% Love Rumboogie 14.00, 16.45, 18.30 Corpus Playrooms, 21.30 Ballare, 21.00-02.00, £4 - £5

thursday The Darjeeling Limited Once Upon a Time... Dave McPhearson Mary Mellish The FezEnt presents... 28 Vue, 13.40, 17.10, 20.40 ADC Theatre, 19.45 Barfly @ The Graduate, 19.30, New Hall, 10.00 - 18.00 S.U.A.D. Head-On Attempts On Her Life £6.60 Exhibition of paintings and The Fez Club, 22:00 - 03:00, Arts Picturehouse, 17.00 ADC Theatre, 23.00 He’s from InMe. I used to have that. £5NUS. S.U.A.D. is recruited 9.6% Love one of their songs on a Kerrang! to warm things up at Fez. 29 Corpus Playrooms, 21.30 compiliation. Great end-of-term event. And so has Jen... sayEpisode 7 CAM I’m going Noooooooo!!! to ask him out. I think he I’m having Streetreally likes your baby. me!

Great news, He’ll never How Cal! We’re having know it romantic! Er... a baby & getting might not married! be his. A devastated Cal is Cal has made a decision... driven to the edge... Careers Service event

Internships Event 2007

Vacation work and internships provide invaluable experience for students.

Such opportunities offer a very useful insight into a potential career. For employers, vacation work can provide a 'six-week interview' (and permits you to assess them as possible future employers).

This event brings you a good cross section of the many firms and sectors offering internships/vacation work, with more opportunities listed under ‘Vacation Opportunities’ via

Friday 30th November, 13.00 to 18.00 University Centre, Granta Place, Mill Lane, Cambridge For full details of participating organisations click on the Internships Event in the termly diary via www.careers.cam.ac.uk

Entry is restricted to current University of Cambridge students (and recent alumni) – bring your University id card with you to this event A cumulative, depersonalised attendance level from different years and courses allows us to improve our events in the future. Personal data will not be passed to anyone outside the University Careers Service event

Solicitors Event 2007

Find out about opportunities for work experience and training contracts.

63 solicitors' firms, the Government Legal Service, Toynbee Hall and three course providers - all in one place on one afternoon!

For full details of participating organisations click on the Solicitors Event in the Careers Service diary or the Law Sector site via www.careers.cam.ac.uk

Thursday 29th November, 13.00 to 17.00 University Centre, Granta Place, Mill Lane, Cambridge

Also look out for our Barristers Event to be held on 17 January in the Faculty of Law, details already available via the Law Sector site.

Entry is restricted to current University of Cambridge students (and recent alumni) – bring your University id card with you to this event A cumulative, depersonalised attendance level from different years and courses allows us to improve our events in the future. Personal data will not be passed to anyone outside the University Get there faster. Start here.

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THE DARJEELING Friday 23 Nov – Thursday 29 Nov RATATOUILLE (U) (2h10) LIMITED (15) (2h05) (NFT) Sat/Sun Only 10.30* 13.15* (Not Sun) Daily 12.00 (Sat/Sun Only) 16.00* 19.00* (Not Tues) STARDUST (PG) (2h30) 14.40 17.20 20.00 Daily 10.50 (Sat/Sun Only) 13.50 17.00 SHROOMS (18) (1h45) 20.10 (NFT) Daily 11.50 (Sat/Sun ELIZABETH: THE GOLDEN AGE (15) (2h15) Daily 14.30 (Not Tues) 17.50 20.30 Only) 14.00 16.15 18.30 GOOD LUCK CHUCK (15) (2h) (Not Sun) 20.50 Sat Late Daily 21.30 Sat Late 23.50 LIONS FOR LAMBS (15) (1h50) 23.10 Sat Late 22.30 AUGUST RUSH (PG) (2h15) 30 DAYS OF NIGHT (15) (2h15) (NFT) Daily 12.50 (Sat/Sun Sat Late 23.20 SAW IV (18) (1h55) Daily 21.35 Only) 15.30 18.15 21.00 Sat Late 23.30 RUN FAT BOY RUN (12a) (2h) BEOWULF (12a) (2h15) (NFT) Sat Late 23.40 Daily 12.10 (Sat/Sun Only) 14.50 17.40 20.20 Sat Late 23.00 SUBTITLED PERFORMANCE: AMERICAN GANGSTER (18) (3h05) (NFT) RATATOUILLE (U) (2h15) Daily 10.15 (Sat/Sun Only) 13.40 17.10 Sun 13.15 Tues 19.00 20.40 book now on 08712 240 240 or online at www.myvue.com

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FREE CHELSEA BUN With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop OR FREE MORNING COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) With any cake or pastry in the restaurant

on presentation of this voucher

[email protected] and proof of student status £5.50 to advertise here? Want any 12” pizza, wrap or salad This Sunday.... and a drink Let’s do Let’s

lunch 12-4 everyday At Club 22..... Volunteer in India Volunteer opportunities for students over summer 2008, working with development I and environment related organisations in Meet the Legend.... Sunday Service! North India. Shiraz Vira [email protected] http://www.camvol.org 01954 212095 CAMVOL

Karl Kennedy from Neighbours! We are the leading supplier to colleges, May Balls and student socs and parties. Party wines from £2.99, over 200 single malts, Port, Madeira, Claret, Absinthe, cans of lager. If you can drink it, we sell it. Free glass loan, free delivery, generous discounts, wholesale Entry £4 accounts available for all CU bodies, socs, clubs etc. Double-or-Quits your student discount with our Trivial Pursuit Open 10pm - 2:30am challenge. No conferring, bickering or face-pulling. Branches at King’s Parade, Magdalene Bridge and Mill Road. Get there early to avoid Edinburgh too. www.cambridgewine.com disappointment! Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/sport [email protected] SPORT 35

THE ANORAK Cambridge’s comprehensive fi xtures, tables and results service with Noel Cochrane

Results Lacrosse Basketball College League 1: 27/11 U21A v Oxford U21A, home, Women’s Blues 16-4 Bath Men’s Blues 61-54 East Anglia 25/11 Emmanuel v St Catharine’s, 14:15, Grange Road. Football Women’s II 8-4 Oxford Brookes Men’s II 39-78 Oxford Brookes 14:30, Catz Astro. 28/11 LXs v Oxford Greyhounds, Men’s Blues 5-1 Wolverhampton Women’s Blues 69-39 Loughborough II 28/11 Caius v Jesus, 13:00, Catz As- away, 14:15. Men’s II 0-3 Nottingham IV Netball tro. 28/11 Women’s Blues v Coventry, Women’s Blues 12-0 Harper Adams Women’s Blues 62-31 Nottingham II Table Tennis 28/11 Corpus Christi v Emmanuel, away. Women’s II 17-34 Coventry Men’s Blues 7-9 Middlesex 14:30, Catz Astro. College League 1: College League 2: Women’s Blues 5-0 Birmingham 27/11 Jesus v Magdalene, 14:15. Downing 3-1 Kings Rugby League College League 2: 27/11 Girton v Downing, 14:15. Girton 7-3 Trinity Hall Men’s Blues 16-32 Loughborough II Volleyball 23/11 Sidney Sussex v Jesus II, 27/11 St John’s v Homerton, 14:15. Selwyn 9-1 Pembroke Men’s Blues 3-0 Oxford Brookes 13:00, Wilberforce Road. Homerton 0-1 Downing Rugby Union Women’s Blues 0-3 Nottingham 23/11Downing v Queens, 14:30, College League 2: Kings 2-1 Churchill II Men’s Blues 43-24 Steele-Bodger XV Wilberforce Road. 29/11 Trinity Hall v Peterhouse, 14:15. P W D L GFGA GD Pts Fixtures 26/11 Queens v Sidney Sussex, 29/11 Caius v Trinity, 14:15 DOWNING 5 5 0 0 16 3 13 15 College League 1: 14:30, Catz Astro. 29/11 Pembroke v St Catharine’s, GIRTON 4 3 0 1 16 7 9 9 Magdalene 0-32 St John’s Badminton 14:15. SELWYN 4 2 2 0 14 4 10 8 Downing 40-0 Homerton 30/11 Men’s Blues v Bath, home, 16:00, College League 3: KINGS 5 2 2 1 11 9 2 8 P W D L F A Pts Cherry Hinton Village Centre. 23/11 Selwyn v Trinity Hall, 14:30, College Promotion League 3: TRINITY HALL 3 1 0 2 7 10 -3 3 Catz Astro. 27/11 Emmanuel v Robinson, 14:15. ST JOHN’S 6 5 1 0 106 16 22 HOMERTON 4 1 0 3 5 8 -3 3 Basketball 25/11 Girton v Trinity, 11:00, Wilber- CHURCHILL II 4 1 0 3 3 14 -11 3 JESUS 6 4 1 1 178 20 19 DOWNING 7 3 1 3 147 94 17 24/11 Men’s Blues v East Anglia, force Road. College Bottom League 3: LONG ROAD 1 0 1 0 1 1 0 1 away, 16:20. 29/11 Christ’s v Sidney, 14:15. PEMBROKE 3 0 1 2 3 15 -12 1 MAGDALENE 7 3 1 3 52 135 17 SIDNEY 3 0 0 3 7 12 -5 0 GIRTON 6 2 0 4 151 109 12 28/11 Men’s Blues v Nottingham, Lacrosse 29/11 Clare v Churchill, 14:15. HOMERTON 6 0 0 6 15 275 6 away, 14:00. 28/11 Women’s Blues v London, 28/11 Men’s II v Nottingham II, home, 13:00, Queens College Sports Table Tennis Hockey College League 2: home, 12:00, Kelsey Kerridge. Ground. 28/11 Women’s Blues v Warwick, Peterhouse 5-17 St Catharine’s 28/11 Women’s Blues v Nottingham, home. College League 1: Trinity Hall 19-17 Caius home, 16:00, Cherry Hinton Village Netball Caius 2-8 St John’s P W D L F A Pts Centre. 28/11 Women’s Blues v Loughbor- Tennis Corpus Chirsti 1-1 St Catharine’s ST CATHARINE’S 5 5 0 0 127 27 20 ough II, away. 28/11 Men’s Blues v Nottingham II, St Catharine’s 6-0 St John’s TRINITY HALL 6 4 1 1 114 83 19 Football. 28/11 Women’s II v Staffordshire, away. Emmanuel 1-2 St John’s TRINITY 4 3 0 1 104 35 13 28/11 Men’s Blues v Nottingham home, 12:30, Royston Leisure Cen- 28/11 Women’s Blues v Bath, home, Caius 2-3 Cambridge City PETERHOUSE 5 1 1 3 62 83 9 Trent, home, University Cricket tre. 12:00, Next Generation Club. CAIUS 6 1 0 5 61 179 9 P W D L GFGAGD Pts Ground. PEMBROKE 4 0 0 4 46 107 4 28/11 Men’s II v Anglia Ruskin II, Rugby League Volleyball. CAMBRIDGE CITY 6 4 0 2 27 11 16 12 JESUS 4 3 1 0 11 6 5 10 away, 14:00. 21/11 Men’s Blues v Staffordshire, 28/11 Men’s Blues v Nottingham, ST JOHN’S 6 3 1 2 16 15 1 10 Badminton home, 14:00, Trinity Old Fields. home, 19:00, Manor Community ST CATHARINE’S 5 2 1 2 11 7 4 7 Men’s Blues 1-7 Bath Hockey College. CORPUS CHRISTI 4 2 1 1 9 17 -8 7 Women’s Blues 3-5 Bath 28/11 Women’s Blues v Birming- Rugby Union 28/11 Women’s Blues v Warwick, CAIUS 5 1 0 4 16 17 -1 3 ham, away, 15:45 23/11 Colleges XV v Oxford Col- away. EMMANUEL 4 0 0 4 2 19 -17 0 Tennis 28/11 Women’s II v Warwick, home, leges, home, 14:15, Grange Road. Men’s Blues 5-5 Nottingham 14:00, Wilberforce Road. 24/11 Men’s Blues v Blackheath 2nd Women’s Blues 2-8 Bath XV, home, 14:15, Grange Road. Games & puzzles Varsity crossword no. 476 21 see 16 Kakuro Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in 1 2 3 4 23 Our future - it is dense, the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur strangely. (9) in the same row in a separate run). 5 26 Stretch of water lost skin fi - © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore nally to make fashion house. (6) COMPETITION 6 7 27 Man chortled, hiding report- Win a bottle of wine from our friends at Cambridge Wine 6 21 Merchants. er. (6) 7 Re-arrange the letters by rotating the discs to create six 8 28 Bite continuing without the separate six-letter words leading in to the centre. Email your 15 12 French. (5) answer to [email protected] 11 17 9 10 ??? 28 Down 18 6 4 1 Scan eel differently to fi nd W S 23 triangle. (7) A 11 12 13 14 A 6 2 Sail a ship back to hide new C name. (5) E 3 6 N L 15 16 3 Lovers’ meeting to test good C R 13

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7 Pulled American editor. (6) 16 & 21 Have sex, tit gone oddly. 7 5 1 2 2 3 4 / MADE BY GARETH MOORE www.puzzlemix.com 9 Actors evaluated? They (3,2,2) 1 7 haven’t got the balls! (9) 17 Money posted, we hear. (4) 4 7 1 2 5 Last week’s solutions © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore © www.puzzlemix.com / Gareth Moore 11 Raise animal – or just one 19 Dance – affair – chuck? (5) Set by Leah Holroyd 2 6 4 5 1 7 3 9 8 20 11 18 8 14 2 4 5 6 5 7 1 4 24 9 7 8 4 3 2 1 6 5 4 3 5 6 1 6 2 6 8 3 1 8 7 9 5 8 9 6 2 7 4

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9 8 1 2 12 22 1 3 2 4 6 5 7 4 8 9 3 6 5 7 1 2

21 27 ANCHOR, 28 STING 28 ANCHOR, 27 5 5 1 7 2 8 9 6 4 3 11 17 9 1 3 8 2 5 7 3 7 1 1

14 6 8 5 6 1 2 4 9 3 7 ACROSS: 5 LOVER, 6 GANDHI, 7 YANKED, 9 CASTRATED, 11 REAR, 12 EXUDE, 14 TOSH, 15 OWL, 16 GET, 17 CENT, 19 FLING, 21 ITON, 23 DESTINIES, 26 CHANEL, CHANEL, 26 DESTINIES, 23 ITON, 21 FLING, 19 CENT, 17 GET, 16 OWL, 15 TOSH, 14 EXUDE, 12 REAR, 11 CASTRATED, 9 YANKED, 7 GANDHI, 6 LOVER, 5 ACROSS: 2 9 3 1 5 7 3 1 4 2 3 6 7 9 2 6 5 3 4 8 1 23 17 3 2 7 5 7 6 1 3 4 1 9 7 8 5 2 6 5 4 1 8 2 6 / MADE BY GARETH MOORE www.puzzlemix.com 9 8 6 8 9 Sport editor: Simon Allen & George Towers Friday November 23 2007 36 SPORT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/sport

Gamblers Blues cling on for draw Unanimous »Fowlie’s hockey girls fight hard in a tough match against Nottingham Nottingham into the lead. Ed Peace & Cambridge were not to be dis- Niall Rafferty heartened and, picking the pace up, began to show the strength and depth inherent in their game. We’re not looking for sympathy, It was only two minutes later that but surely it’s right to feel a little Anna Stanley again found her way hard done by after last weekend. into the limelight, picking up a Late goals put pay to both our quick ball from Hannah Rickman football selections, and just as Osa- and slotting it past the unaware na looked to be coming good in the Nottingham keeper. Greatwood Hurdle on Sunday, up Back on an even keel, play re- popped Sizing Europe to rob us of sumed its frenetic pace. Rosie our fourth winning long shot of the Evans bossed the right side of the term. Still, that second means that pitch, making crucial tackles at we’ll finish the year with a profit of at least a tenner. It may not be as Busa Hockey - Midlands Conference much as we had hoped for at the Women’s 1A 2007/08 start, but it should just about cover P W D L F A GD Pt the cost of some novelty socks for a Cambridge 6 5 1 0 22 6 16 16 loved one this Christmas. Nottingham 6 4 1 1 19 9 10 13 After a hectic European sched- Loughborough II 6 2 2 2 10 8 2 8 ule, our betting attention turns Coventry 5 2 0 3 8 21 -13 6 back to the English Premier Birmingham II 5 1 1 3 8 12 -4 4 League this week. The early kick- Birmingham III 6 0 1 5 6 17 -11 1 off on Saturday witnesses the bat- tle of Newcastle United verses one end and drilling balls onto the Liverpool. The Magpies will still be p-spot at the other. Although Cam- having nightmares about conceding bridge increasingly looked like the four at home to Portsmouth, and dominant team, in a rare moment of this encounter is unlikely to ease weakness Nottingham counter-at- their fears. It has been 33 years tacked at full pace, and only the div- and 51 meetings since these two ing save of defender Flick Hughes last shared a 0-0 draw, and the Liv- kept the ball off the line. Unfortu- erpool strike-force should be gal- nately a dubious decision by the vanised by the return of Fernando umpire gave Nottingham a penalty Torres, if Rafa Benitez decides to stroke. Without hesitation a highly pick him that is. With or without competent Ellie Atkins sent the Goldilocks, we’ll back Liverpool to Tash Barnes makes a charging run down the right flank against tough Nottingham defending JOE GOSDEN ball flying into the back of the net walk away with all the spoils. to make it 2-1 to Nottingham with The eyes of the racing world Cambridge game would be eventful. Fronted was to be expected and this did only 23 minutes left to play. will be focused on Haydock Park stanley 44 by the ever-consistent Fowlie, the sometimes overrun into needless Cambridge, shaken by the unfor- this weekend. The Betfair Chase Noble 60 2 Cambridge defence kept play at a aggression and some particularly tunate goal, came back with reso- is one of the most valuable races Nottingham challenging pace, every loose ball agricultural tackles. “Do they feed lute determination and, with guile- in the winter calendar, and this williams 42 was tightly contested and every them something in Nottingham to less attacking from Emma Goater year’s contest should provide de- Atkins 47 2 tackle fiercely fought. Although make them candidates for anger and Alex Workman, were reward- cent sport for punters as well. The Nottingham got off to a strong management?” stormed an angry ed with a penalty corner on the 60 hot favourite is Kauto Star, prob- Becca Langton start the visitors were unable to Blue as yet another stick went minute mark. An astute tactical call ably the most successful horse in Sports Reporter convert pressure to points. Basic swinging backwards, narrowly from Coach James Waters and a training in last year. However, he errors started to creep into the missing a Cambridge head. Despite well-worked, and undeniably slick was beaten by what we reckon In a match that was set to decide Blues’ play, but a flying save from the intensity of the first 35 minutes, routine resulted in a goal from Lisa was a pretty mediocre horse in his the BUSA league positions for the goalkeeper Lucy Stapleton, kept half time saw the scores still level Noble, punched in with such force seasonal reappearance last month. season, the women’s Blues came Nottingham disappointed. at 0-0. that Nottingham were shocked to Therefore, it might pay to side up against their closest competi- With both teams so well matched, The second half of this pivotal a standstill. With ten minutes re- with My Way De Solzen, a young tors, University of Nottingham there was little to separate the two. game commenced with both teams maining the play was fierce and a horse widely tipped to achieve big first team. A win would secure a Lisa Noble worked tirelessly up the desperate to claim that crucial goal. number of opportunities went beg- things. Taking on Kauto Star is six-point lead at the top of the Mid- line, whilst in the centre of the pitch Alex Workman worked tirelessly ging at both ends. definitely a risk, but with My Way lands Conference and a potentially it was Emma Goater once again who from the start, but with Notting- Commenting on the 2-2 draw, de Solzen at 3-1, it’s one well worth unchallenged route to the title. brought play into Cambridge’s hands, ham deploying some question- Waters philosophically remarked, taking. Despite a delayed start to the creating one of the best opportunities able tactics, it was the opposition “we came here to win it, but we’re This week’s long shot has taken match Cambridge were ready to of the half. A fiendish ball sent flying who stole the lead seven minutes still three points ahead, and it suits on an away day theme, with a tasty go. “We’re confident” mused Cap- across the ‘D’ gave Tash Barnes an in. A quick ball off a free hit left us a lot more than it suits them.” 5/1 being offered on Aston Villa tain Tash Fowlie, “but we’re ready opportunity which went wasted, sail- Cambridge caught off guard and With only four more games to play, and Portsmouth to triumph away to work for this.” From the first ing over the cross bar. Madeleine Williams slid a wayward Cambridge are on route to the top to Middlesbrough and Birming- few minutes it was clear that the With stakes so high, emotion ball into the bottom corner to put spot in their league. ham respectively. Portsmouth have been unwelcome guests in the Premier League this term, and can boast the second best away record, whilst their opponents Birming- Sport In Brief ham City remain managerless af- ter Steve Bruce’s capitulation to Wigan. Aston Villa, themselves Basketball Blues beat Blue boxers pulverised Lax ladies batter Bristol Men’s hockey Blues fresh from beating Birmingham strong UEA side in Portsmouth shocker away last time out, travel to the Riverside hoping to achieve a sec- Facing a formidable UEA squad on Last Tuesday, two Cambridge This Wednesday the Women’s La- In a packed weekend of hockey the ond away win on the trot. Mean- Wednesday, the Blues started well. boxers travelled to Portsmouth crosse Ladies travelled to Bristol in Men’s Blues faced two tough match- while, Middlesbrough’s home Strong defence, and good high-low in their first away fixture of the the latest instalment of their BUSA es, which they desperately needed to record is far from impressive, and post play gave the Blues an early 13 year. In the first bout, Taras Gout domination. Unbeaten so far this win to resurrect their season. On Sat- they have scored fewer goals than point lead. Notable points came from was looking to avenge an ear- season, Alex Carnegie-Brown’s team urday the Blues faced Ipswich away, any side outside the bottom three Leo Parts and Hugo Halferty Dro- lier defeat last April, he put in a continued their winning form by an- the Blues struggled to translate pos- this year. chon. Entering the game, Domantas classy performance against Singh nihilating their opposition 16-2. session into goals. A snap shot from Jankauskas contributed several of- It was a strong performance The Banker 4-6 of Portsmouth, and pulverized his Ipswich in the second half brought fensive rebounds and points from opponent. However after the three all across the pitch right from the them the only goal of the match, Liverpool to beat the freethrow line. rounds the majority decision went starting whistle but special com- which they won 1-0. Newcastle (draw no bet) £4 By halftime, the Blues extended to Singh. mendation must go to the midfield, Against Indian Gymkhana on Sun- Prediction 3-1 the lead to 14. In the third quarter, New club president, Paul Miller, who worked tirelessly in both de- day, the Blues started strongly with My wat de solzen to win UEA adjusted to the Blues offence, fought his first bout as a light heav- fence and attack, whilst Kate Mor- an early goal from Phil Balbirnie. betfair chase £3 and pulled it back. Starting off the yweight, against a physical Port- land topped the scoreboard with Gymkhana responded with a goal just fourth quarter, Damjan Pfarrer hit a smouth novice. Miller’s opponent multiple goals at Second Home. A before half time and the match en- The Long shot 5/1 crucial three-pointer but still UEA threw in some big hits and strung second half attempt by Bristol to tered a tense phase. The Blues fought villa and portsmouth battled back and the point margin together some well executed com- break down Cambridge’s zoning hard in the second half, but their op- to win (accumulator) £3 decreased to five. However, a late binations. The contest was stopped tactics failed and the Blues con- position proved too tough. Gymkhana Cambridge surge put them a further by the referee in the third round tinued their ascendancy, maintain- finished the match winners by four Running total £19.62 6 points clear and the Blues ended giving the Portsmouth boxer a well ing the majority of the possession. goals to one, leaving the Blues to rue the game 61-54 up. earned victory. They look a hard team to beat. their performance. Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/sport [email protected] SPORT 37

News from the Home strait to Fairbairns River » 1st & 3rd set to dominate men’s while Christ’s tipped to win women’s

Ed Willis Sports Reporter College rowing reaches its Michael- mas Term finale next week at the Fairbairns Cup. The longest race on This weekend we had the privi- the Cam, it is notoriously difficult lege to hear the insight of two in- to call. In the Senior Men’s compe- dividuals very close to the team, tition, 4.3km long, it is difficult to both with first-hand experience look past First and Third (Trinity) in humility. On Saturday we were who have firmly established their joined by Wayne Pommen, 2004 supremacy over the past year. Full President and winning Blue, who of confidence, after repeated suc- was forced from the squad just cess so far this term, they include days before the 2003 race when rowers of huge experience in Tom a PLA launch crashed into the Coker, Dan Jane and others, and Cambridge boat, breaking his will be hoping to come away with wrist and ending his year. victories in both the VIII and IV It would have been easy for man events. Wayne to blame any one of a number of parties responsible Varsity Predictions for the accident. It was extreme- Seniors: ly tempting to leave England for Men’s Senior VIII: 1st: First and his spot on Canada’s 2004 Ol- Third, 2nd Pembroke ympic Squad. Eight months of Men’s Senior IV: 1st: First and training had been negated in an Third, 2nd LMBC instant by factors he had no con- Women’s Senior VIII: 1st: Christ’s, trol over. 2nd: Jesus Instead, he chose to stay in Women’s Senior IV: 1st: Christ’s, Cambridge. He made the tech- 2nd First and Third nical changes he admittedly was Novices: Hot favourites: the FaT ‘crew to beat’ settles into a steady rhythm out of Chesterton during training JOE GOSDEN too stubborn to make in his first Men’s 1st Novice VIII: 1st: LMBC, year and bought into the program 2nd: Fitz produce at Fairbairns but they are of the four man discipline. They form onto the water. Vying to keep with all the enthusiasm of a nov- Women’s 1st Novice VIII: 1st: certainly capable of making an im- reached the final of both the first pace with LMBC in the women’s ice oarsman. The result? In a re- LMBC, 2nd: First and Third pression, yet it would be fair to say and second divisions at the Uni competition will be Pembroke, versal of the previous year’s for- that their priority is regaining the IVs, but even so, they will do well themselves winners at the Queens tunes, Wayne captained the 2004 It seems that the real contest Lent headship next term. to make this kind of impact here. Ergs, while Newnham, First and crew to a resounding victory. will be to determine who can follow All the talk in the Women’s com- A first term of rowing culmi- Third as well as Magdelene and Arrogance would have led to closest in their wake. Last year’s petition this term has been about nates at Fairbairns for the novice Caius have shown potential. unmet potential; humility fos- Fairbairns winners Jesus have Christ’s, whose young and energet- crews. This week’s Clare Sprints Two boats made up of Blues boat tered unparalleled success. struggled so far this term. Pem- ic crew dominated at the Uni IVs, will provide a good indication of and Goldie candidates will also be Sunday afternoon, Dr Mark broke though, have made impres- as well as the Autumn and Winter who to look out for, but a rough competing next week. They tra- de Rond, who splits his time sive strides, turning heads with Heads. There are more experienced picture has begun to emerge after ditionally set off first and second, between teaching at the Judge their performance at the Winter women’s crews in Cambridge but so the Queens Ergs and Winter Head. and use the event as a prelimi- and sharing his insight with the Head, where they finished second far no one has been able to match LMBC are undoubtedly favourites nary to the following week’s Trial squad, gave us a presentation on to beat LMBC (St. John’s) by six Christ’s for technical precision or for both the men’s and women’s Eights, itself a trial run for the lessons learned from last year’s seconds. Fit and well drilled, they fitness. Jesus and First and Third sections. Last year’s novice win- boat race. The two evenly matched crew. Central to the tenets he have emerged as one of the lead- certainly possess the fire-power to ners Fitzwilliam were just about in boats will be desperate to impress emphasized was the theme of hu- ing contenders. LMBC will provide change this, but they need to show touch in the men’s section, and will the coaches as they bid to cement a mility. The final point he made strong resistance as always, with it next week. Also in the mix are probably present the main chal- place in this year’s Varsity crews. – a seeming paradox when first four returning First May rowers Downing, who have been hampered lenge to the Johnian pursuit of an- The twisting Fairbairns course delivered – was that ‘it can make and Great Britain experience in by illness and injury this term. other clean sweep. Jesus showed, provides good experience for the sense to sacrifice competence so their ranks and they will perhaps With a full compliment they have in winning the Queens Ergs, that coxes before they have to tackle to improve performance.’ He be slightly disappointed at their the potential to make the podium. they have the individual physical the Thames, and the big race con- cited both the ‘lovable fool’ and Winter Head performance. Nobody Emmanuel’s women seem to be ability to record fast times, and ditions will give the rowers a fla- the ‘competent jerk’, and ex- seems sure as to what Caius will making something of a speciality they will be hoping to transfer that vour of what is to come. tolled on how the former will often beat out the latter in the realms of both business manage- ment and high-level sport. One must exhibit flexibility to ben- efit a team; star status alone will not suffice. Boat Club Captain Interview Back to my flatmate Trevor. Before I cut him off, he sug- gested that humility was the » Varsity talks to Dan O’Shaughnessy about the Blue Boat’s prospects most noble and honourable trait. When adhered to, it invokes the Joe Gosden Fairbairns is the only time of in the training programme. He not a quick sprint”. images of life’s emotional suc- the year the historic Goldie Boat- hotly contested any notion that O’Shaughnessy is described cesses – the kind of victories The Fairbairns Cup is only house ever sees racing shells in- the CUBC decision not to enter as “driven” by his fellow oars- rewarding despite one’s con- around 900m longer than the St side it, something that appar- this year’s National Ergo men, a refreshingly un-arrogant fidence in ability. Forgotten, Lawrence River is wide back in ently makes it “pretty Championships along- CUBC President who manages to the outcome can be disastrous. O’Shaughnessy’s hometown of special for the side Oxford was combine a talent for rowing with Oedipus allegorically married Brockville, Canada. The fourth guys”. The Trial related to any a commanding leadership style. his mother and faced an unenvi- generation of his family to row for VIIIs leave deficiencies Weighing in at over a hundred ki- able, yet self-imposed, blinding Brockville RC, O’Shaughnessy Ely at first in the Cam- los, he is one of the heavy weights by her own brooches. will lead this year’s CUBC squad light and bridge in what is once again an interna- We learn humility in all as- into the Henley and Tideway paddle the squad. tional flavoured squad. There are, pects of life: some in the board- boat races at the end of Lent 25km up- He ex- however, a substantial minor- room, and some on the water. term. A week from now he will stream plained ity of undergraduates who rowed Some, I suppose, tragically, be sat in the first of the CUBC to start that Goldie last year and are looking after blinding themselves. Yet Trial VIII’s as they make their the race they for promotion as they enter their despite the individual context once-yearly appearance on the at Jesus hadn’t second year of the fearsome Dun- in which humility is taught, the upper reaches of the Cam in lock, entered can Holland coaching regime. real achievement lies in apply- JCBC’c Fairbairns Cup. before the – At present, 20 rowers plus coxes ing that knowledge to all other CUBC have won the Fairbairn’s con- Oxford remain in the squad and the next facets of life. Cup every year that they have en- tinuing domi- cuts are likely to take place in And thus, I can say with some tered it, with no college boat having straight nated – the New Year. The crews will be confidence, that of all the intan- ever got close in their only chance over the event be- away on foreign training camps in gibles I wish to bring forth from to measure how far short they re- finish line cause “it’s warmer climes during the Christ- my experience at Cambridge, I ally fall of the two crews that most and back to only 2k so its mas period before regrouping at hope that an appreciation for hu- of their oarsmen dream wistfully Ely. just not worth Goldie Boathouse in the second mility, applied to all future chal- of joining. Last year CUBC posted O’Shaughnessy bothering with. week of January for the final run lenges, will find a place at the times of 13.20 and 13.49; 45 seconds described the squad’s MICHAEL DERRINGERCongratulations up to the race. top of the list. faster than Jesus, the fastest clos- progress as “excellent” as that they won but the Spencer Griffin Hunsberger est college boat. they approach the halfway point boat race is four and a half miles, Sport editor: Simon Allen & George Towers Friday November 23 2007 38 SPORT [email protected] varsity.co.uk/sport

Man with a job to do: skipper Ross Blake on the Big Match henry stannard “You want to get your best 15 play- ers out on the pitch, adopt a style to The fi fteen to tackle Oxford Next Sunday morning, a lone fi g- suit them and then make sure that ure in a turquoise jacket will saddle they can handle the pressure – some up his trusty twelve-gear and ride players go into their shell but we’re to the homes of fi fty or so strap- confi dent that this year our squad ping young men, who, by the time will all step up together”. Blessed The Pack he makes the fi nal few stops on his with the fi rst thoroughbred fl y half grand tour of Cambridge accommo- to play for Cambridge in ten years, dation, will know whether they have Ross Broadfoot, whose recovery made the cut for the Varsity Match. from injury has coincided with a re- Ross Blake, ex-Bath and Bristol surgence in the form of the side, has scrum half, capped internationally at led him to believe that “our fi rst fi f- U21 level and now captain of Cam- teen are certainly a match for their bridge Rugby, is burdened with this fi rst fi fteen, and we know that what- task. “Obviously there are going to ever happens it’s going to be a really be some very disappointed people – tight game”. a lot of places have been really up for Whereas the Varsity match at its grabs this year and there are still a peak in the mid-nineties used to at- Jon Dawson Joe Clark Anthony Fitzpatrick Jon Blaikie lot of players in contention – but I tract crowds of up to 70,000, recent Position: Position: Position: Position: will also be bringing great happiness years have seen a drop to around Tight-head Prop Hooker Loose-head Prop Lock to lots of people”, he says, confessing 40,000, which, along with the birth Blue debut: Varsity ‘06 Blue debut: Varsity ‘05 College: Caius Blue debut: Varsity ‘05 that he still has no idea how he per- of professionalism diverting future College: St. Edmund’s College: St. Edmund’s Height: 6ft College: Hughes Hall sonally will respond to the emotional superstars from academia, has been Height: 6ft Height: 6’1” Weight: 110kg Height: 6’7” havoc he will wreak that day. seen by some commentators as a Weight: 116kg Weight: 112kg Often overlooked but Weight: 110kg It certainly is a unique situation sign of the diminishing relevance of Rock of the front row, Dynamic hooker, useful crucial in the set piece Last year’s captain, for a player of Blake’s standing, but the fi xture. Blake rejects this criti- brings experience and in the loose with a sur- and puts in a lot of offers leadership and he appears to revel in it. Admit- cism, stating that “the Au- brute force to the team prising burst of pace work at the breakdown experience to the pack ting that he “grew bored of tumn internationals have professional rugby”, two meant that ours is no years ago he swapped longer the fi rst game of the tedious realm of the season at Twick- Key professional sporting enham, but we think stardom for the excit- switching the game Man ing world of Econom- to later on Thursday ics at Hughes Hall and this year will attract has never looked back. more spectators.” Having been elected cap- He sees the future tain by the squad of last of the Varsity match, at year’s victory, he is taking his one stage almost completely job very seriously, and is relishing dominated by antipodean imports, the prospect of leading the team out as becoming a more British fi xture, Trevor Boynton Rich Bartholomew Joe Wheeler James Lumby against possibly one of the strongest with a number of ex-pros forgoing a Position: Position: Position: Position: Oxford sides in recent history. fi nal contract to come to university Lock Blind-side fl anker Open-side fl anker No. 8 Led by Cambridge reject Joe Roff, being increasingly supplemented by Blue debut: Varsity ‘06 Blue debut: Varsity ‘05 College: St. Edmund’s Blue debut: Varsity ‘06 who was accepted to do PPE without talented undergraduates, which can College: Hughes Hall College: Jesus Height: 6ft College: Hughes Hall an interview, Oxford have been in only be benefi cial to their develop- Height: 6’6” Height: 6’2” Weight: 95kg Height: 6’6” ominous form all season, losing only ment. He thinks that “some of the Weight: 110kg Weight: 104kg Weight: 109kg two matches, but none of that mat- younger members of the squad have Mobile back row ters. “It suits us to be underdogs,” really come on this year through Hard-hitting South Af- Vital at the breakdown, forward, good with the Really physical player. Cru- he says “We haven’t had the greatest playing with experienced guys like rican, brings brawn and rampant in the loose and ball in hand and mak- cial ball carrier and leads of seasons and have been really un- John Blaikie” and that “every player aggression to the loose wins turnovers ing covering tackles the pack from the front lucky with injuries, but deep down here has the capacity to play at pro- we know how good we are – it’s a fessional level, if they want to.” one off game and it’s them who will So Joe Roff beware – The Light have to deal with all the pressure Blue Legion are not going to sur- going into it”. The knack to winning render the Bowring Bowl without a Varsity match for Blake is simple, a fi ght. Key Clashes In the centres: appendages really to help with the Chris Lewis and Sandy Reid vs Joe Roff Coach’s organisation and training – we tell him what we think about selection, The undergraduate Cambridge duo take on the incredible Corner but it is always him who picks the team. experience of Oxford’s captain. Capped 86 Tony Rodgers times by Australia, Roff was, until this year, Inside Track on Oxford? Blues Head Coach We went to see them last week the all-time Super Rugby top try scorer. and they’re a strong forward side – plenty of driving mauls. Joe Roff Joe Ansbro had the measure of him last is now playing at inside centre and year and Cambridge need to suppress him he’s got a massive left boot, so we can expect plenty of tactical kicking again. over the top. In the front row: Any good anecdotes? Gavin Hastings, when he was Jon Dawson vs Oliver Tomaszczyk captain in 1985, started singing O Both heavyweight powerhouses will look to Flower of Scotland to a group of Tony Rodgers is the Blues team thirteen Englishmen and a Nigerian dominate in the scrum and outmuscle each other coach and played for Cambridge in his fi nal huddle – inspiring to a 1968-70. He is also a fellow at Scot but the others didn’t really at the breakdown.Dawson’s weight advantage and Hughes Hall. know what to do so sheepishly had wealth of experience should give him the edge over to sing along. How does this team compare to the exuberant young Pole. the last few years? Is there a knack to winning the The fi rst XV are still as strong, but Varsity match? At the breakdown: we’re lacking some of the strength Most defi nitely – we have to make in depth of the last few years, es- the most of what we’ve got at the Rich Bartholomew vs Anthony Jackson pecially in the backs, but we’ve put time, and that means training cor- most of our injuries behind us now rectly – this year we’ve brought in In tight Varsity matches, ball retention and turnover and are starting to hit some form. some top level coaches for one-off are crucial. These players may well decide which sessions, like Shaun Edwards for What is your role as coach? the defence. We also like to come in way the game goes. Well it’s the captain that runs the as underdogs as it puts more pres- show – Dick and myself are just sure on Oxford. Friday November 23 2007 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk/sport [email protected] SPORT 39

Let’s hope the pack can scrap their way to three-in-a-row

place and getting enough time to The fi fteen to tackle Oxford build the team spirit needed when it comes to the crunch at Twicken- ham. It appears that the press will yet again focus on the clash between The Backs the Light Blue forwards and the Dark Blue backs, a contest which Key Key has defi ned the matches in recent years. Yet, and as a back it pains Man Man jonny ufton me to say this, the Varsity Match is invariably won in the forward With the big day at Twicken- exchanges, and this year will be ham almost upon us, I am left in no different. It is never the free- a strange kind of limbo. Having fl owing, open spectacle we’d like it been involved in the Varsity match to be because there is so much at for each of the last four years, this stake for the players; defences are year I have to watch from pastures tight and experience counts for a Ross Blake (c) Ross Broadfoot James Wellwood Chris Lewis new (about time!). It is a strange huge amount. Position: Position: Position: Position: sensation, not being involved, and The back-bone of the team looks Scrum-half Fly-half Wing Centre even though the pressure, emo- strong. The players will look to the Blue debut: Varsity ‘06 College: Hughes Hall College: St. Edmund’s Blue debut: Varsity ‘06 tions and expectations of everyone experience of Jon Dawson, John College: Hughes Hall Height: 6ft Height: 6ft College: St. Catharine’s involved are fraught for the next Blaikie and Ross Blake to keep the Height: 5’9” Weight: 94kg Weight: 95kg Height: 6’1” few weeks, I am deeply envious of team going forward. Ross Broad- Weight: 82kg Crucial playmaker with Powerful and evasive Weight: 91kg their situation. foot, at fl y-half, has shown his Even just recalling the traditions Charismatic captain a massive boot. Rock runner with the ball, clini- A physical centre who worth to the team on his return of selection, Port and Nuts, the who leads by example, solid in defence and a cal fi nishing ability and a enjoys contact and crash- from injury and his point scoring presentation of the shirts, creative in attack good distributor prodigious try scorer ing through midfi eld ability cannot be under-esti- the tense last training mated. It is also great to session, team photos, note the presence of so heading up to Lon- many undergraduates don and the whole in the Blues set up this Varsity Matchday year, most notably Joh- experience brings nian Sandy Reid, who excited butterfl ies emulates most recent- to my stomach; ly, Charlie Desmond speak to any other in becoming a fi xture in ex-Blue and you will the side as a fresher. get the same answer. Prescient views are of- So what of this year’s ten foolhardy, as the match is team? Results have been varied, a total one-off. Because it is such Sandy Reid Andy Stevenson Hamish Murray and like many in the current Cam- a tense tussle, the result usually Position: Position: Position: brige clubhouse, one is tempted comes down to a single score and Centre Wing Full-back towards tentative comparisons predictions for such narrow con- College: St. John’s College: St. Catharine’s Blue debut: Varsity ‘06 with the Other Place. The Light tests count for little. December 6 Height: 5’10” Height: 6’2” College: St. Edmund’s Blues early season uncertainties will be no different. Weight: 85kg Weight: 95kg Height: 5’11” and a run of poor results have I’ll be in the stands with the rest Weight: 84kg been followed by a string of very of the rabble, praying that the Quick footed and nim- Pace man of the side, encouraging performances. Early light blues can make it three wins ble, a lighning burst of likes to beat men on the Strong under the high injuries, always a huge problem in in a row. I can tell you that it is an pace puts this fresher outside and counter-at- ball and a reliable such a short build-up, have meant awful feeling being on the losing through gaps tacking down the right kicker from hand that game time for the fi nal 22 has side, but if the forwards play to Varsity’s predicted XV been put at a premium. It has been their potential and the half-backs a tricky balancing act for captain can control the game then us old Ross Blake, choosing between giv- players in the crowd will have a ing all the opportunity to gain a very happy afternoon. The form guide Waiting in the Wings Cambridge - recent reasons to be cheerful DATE SCORE OPPOSITION 09/09/07 AWAY LOST 8-46 KANTO GAKUIN 16/09/07 AWAY LOST 19-44 WASEDA, JAPAN 30/09/07 AWAY WON 29-25 OLD BLUES 02/10/07 HOME LOST 22-34 TRINITY COLLEGE DUBLIN James Astbury Llewellyn Pilbeam Pat Crossley Tom Basey Tom Woolsey 09/10/07 AWAY WON 27-20 LOUGHBOROUGH UNIVERSITY Position: Position: Position: Position: Position: 15/10/07 HOME LOST 7-47 SARACENS Flanker Lock Hooker Scrum-half/wing Hooker College: Hughes College: Trinity College: Homerton College: Hughes Blue debut: Varsity 22/10/07 HOME LOST 12-33 LEICESTER TIGERS Hall Height: 6’6” Height: 6ft Hall ‘06 30/10/07 AWAY LOST 12-29 ESHER RFC Height: 6ft Weight: 115kg Weight: 103kg Height: 5’9” College: Queens’ Weight: 99kg Weight: 83kg Height: 6’1” 05/11/07 HOME WON 18-17 LONDON IRISH Weight: 100kg 14/11/07 HOME WON 26-24 CRAWSHAYS WELSH XV 21/11/07 HOME WON 43-24 STEELE-BODGER XV Oxford - a barnstorming season

DATE SCORE OPPOSITION 15/09/07 AWAY WON 24-7 NYAC 1st XV 15/09/07 AWAY WON 43-7 NYAC / OLD BLUES James Greenwood Juliano Fiori Ashwin Reddy Tom Malaney 22/09/07 AWAY WON 44-0 AMERICAN COLLEGEIATE XV Position: Position: Position: Position: Wing/full-back No 8 Prop Open-side fl anker 29/09/07 HOME WON 48-14 KANTO GAKUIN UNIVERSITY College: Hughes College: Jesus College: Trinity Blue debut: Varsity 06/10/07 HOME WON 34-0 TRINITY COLLEGE DUBLIN Hall Height: 6’4” Height: 5’10” ‘06 Height: 6’1” Weight: 104kg Weight: 96kg College: St. Ed- 15/10/07 AWAY WON 33-11 MOSELEY Weight: 91kg munds 22/10/07 HOME LOST 19-50 NORTHAMPTON Height: 6ft Weight: 96kg 29/10/07 HOME LOST 12-52 OSPREYS 05/11/07 AWAY WON 33-14 EXETER CHIEFS 14/11/07 HOME WON 34-17 MAJOR STANLEYS xv 19/11/07 AWAY WON 25-19 LOUGHBOROUGH UNIVERSITY Friday November 23 2007 varsity.co.uk/sport

Rugby p38 Can the Blues make SPORT it 3-in-a-row? Blues roger Steele-Bodgers » Oxford’s Roff lays down the challenge then sees Cambridge thump invitational XV

CAMBRIDGE TRIES: MURRAY (2), REID (2), STEVENSON (2), CLARK 43 CONS: MURRAY (4) 43 STEELE- BODGER XV 24 george towers Chief Sports Editor

In what is always the second biggest match of the season, the Blues took on Micky Steele-Bodger’s invitational XV at a packed Grange Road. The game was all the more important as Joe Roff and his Oxford team were watching from the sideline. In front of an expectant crowd, the Blues hoped to build on their two match winning streak and maintain their momentum with just weeks to go before the big game in London. The Steele-Bodger XV, containing a number of old Blues and Irish inter- national Kevin Maggs, enjoyed all the early territory and possession. They dominated the fi rst ten minutes, prob- ing the Cambridge defensive line and gaining ground via multiple phases of attacking play. The Bodgers were re- warded with the opening score of the match when Chris Ritchie rumbled over for a try, which came from some solid forwards play. Watt slotted the conversion, bringing the Bodgers a seven point lead. Cambridge A. Fitzpatrick, J. Clark, J. Dawson, L. Pilbeam, J. Hugely impressive fresher Sandy Reid, seen here in defensive mode, scored a brace of tries to sink the Bodgers SOPHIE PICKFORD Blaikie, R. Bartholomew, J. Astbury, J. Fiori, exploited the Bodgers’ disorganisa- back foot. Andy Stevenson joined match. Minutes later, Murray scored with his second, following a cheeky T. Basey, R. Blake (c), J. Wellwood, S. Reid, C. tion at the back with several penetra- the attack from right wing, cutting his second try of the match, which he dummy to the defence. Lewis, A. Stevenson, H. Murray. tive kicks that gained the Blues valu- an exceptional line, which would ran in right under the posts allowing As ever, the Steele-Bodger match Replacements: A. Reddy, A. Sanderson, P. able territory. However the Blues defi nitely have led to a try had his himself an easy conversion. was an entertaining affair, but more Crossley, T. Boynton, J. Wheeler, T. Malaney, J. failed to convert the territory into pass not resulted in a knock-on. Despite Cambridge’s two tries in importantly, after what has been a Greenwood, D. Akinluyi, J. Thompson points as Hamish Murray sent his Towards the end of the fi rst half six minutes, the Bodgers weren’t largely disappointing season, the fi rst penalty attempt wide the fi rst of the Blues were comfortably direct- going to give up the fi ght. Several Blues fi nally came together as a team. many misses during the match. ing the pace of the match. A spell of phases of attacking play resulted in For the fi rst time they performed to Steele-Bodger XV Twenty minutes into play, Mur- rugged forward work saw the Blues Adrian Hayle scoring in the right the level that has been expected of N. Conlon, C. Richie, C. Hannan, C. O’Keefe, ray linked with James Welwood to camped on their opponents’ try line, corner, and the score was brought to them all season. The forwards and H. Head, R. Jenkins, S. Barlow, N. Alberts, score the fi rst of Cambridge’s seven which resulted in a try for Andy Ste- 24-12. In the following moments the backs interlinked smoothly, creating G. Williams, J. Watt, N. Piggott, S. Wilson, K. tries; Welwood made a powerful venson. Again Murray missed the run of play returned to the Blues’ attractive rugby, but more impor- Maggs (c), A. Hayle, O. Viney run down the left, beating several conversion, but the Blues went into favour; Sandy Reid burst through tantly, rugby that led to tries. There Bodger defenders before putting in half time three points ahead with the the defensive line and screamed are still areas that need work - Ross the pass sending Murray in to score. score at 10-7. through to score. Broadfoot’s place kicking was missed, Following the visitors’ early on- The Blues followed up their score Having been on top for the major- In the fi nal moments of the match but overall confi dence is running high slaught, the Blues pulled themselves with continued attacking pressure; ity of the fi rst half, the Blues started the games opened up and several and if the Blues can replicate this together and regrouped. Richard Blake led from the front, playing the second in the best way possible: tries were run in. Stevenson scored performance against Oxford on 6th Bartholomew began to dominate the out of position at fl y-half, with sev- moments in, after a blitz attack, Joe his second of the match, which was December, then they should be able loose and put in some big hits result- eral inspired chip kicks, which had Clark smashed over the Bodgers’ line, followed by a Bodger try in response. to extend their winning streak in the ing in a turnover for the Blues. Blake the Bodgers relentlessly on the scoring Cambridge’s third try of the Sandy Reid wrapped up the match game that really matters.