26 issue April 1999 1142

KEEP THE CAT FREE EST. 1949 The Students' Newspaper at Imperial College Success for IC's Second Ball

The summer ball is definitely going ahead the day before IC's, on Thursday 24 June. at Alexandra Palace on Friday 25 June. The By Ed Sexton Wade Gayed, ICSM president, was insistent decision to confirm the event was taken that he did support the IC ball, but was despite the sponsorship problems the ball to the Alumni Office, under the guidance assuming 1500 tickets are sold (generating mindful that there arc "strong feelings for has been facing, leaving the summer ball of Clive Oakley, with £3000 to £5000 now just over £80,000). The Union has under a separate ball in ICSM". Although sup committee with the daunting but accom looking like an achievable amount of written the event, meaning that any short portive of the idea of a combined ball, he plishable task of acquiring funds for the ball money from old Imperial students. Approx fall will have to met from the Union's felt that the medical merger was not long this term. David Hellard, ICU President, imately £2000 in sponsorship was also reserve funds, "tickets arc £10 more than enough ago to stage such an event; "one has welcomed the news, assuring stu obtained over Easter. College, however, last year, costing £55 for students. Nick Grif year is too soon to expect a single ball... no dents that "anyone who goes will love it." have been less forthcoming. Nick Griffith, fith justified the increase by explaining the medics are going lo IC's ball, except first years". Dave Hellard agreed that a lot of first The summer ball was in and out of Chairman of the summer ball committee, variety of attractions that should be present year medics would come to IC's ball, and financial difficulties for much of last term presented college with a proposal at this year's ball. The event should include said he could "understand why they want ('Summer Ball's Sponsorship Ordeal, Felix Intended to encourage sponsorship of a big wheel, a classic horse carousel, their own ball", but went on to claim "ours issue 1134), after a succession of spon the ball some time ago. In Ihe proposal he dodgems, a casino, a cover band and, will be better". The summer ball has sur sorship deals with various companies fell pointed out that such an event "reflects hopefully, a guest speaker. Coaches to vived the politics and financial troubles, through. It had been hoped that Procter & highly on the college" and would attract the event arc being provided by Capital however; now it is up to the students to Gamble would provide a large amount of alumni and staff, as well as current stu Coaches, and should hopefully be better make it a success. money for the event - in an email dated 19 dents. If the ball became an annual event, organised than last year, when most of the february a representative stated that sev like the May balls at Oxford and Cam coaches were late. eral recruiters "would like to offer some bridge, it could also promote Imperial in As well as praising the Alumni Office, Information sponsorship". On 21 March, however, Proc the media and industry sectors. College Nick Griffith cautiously welcomed the Tickets go on sale from the Union Office ter & Gamble decided to pull out of the rejected these arguments, with the Deputy Union's support, thinking that "the sabbs on Friday 30 May deal. On the same weekend Unilever also Rector insisting that he could not give deserve some credit". Feelings towards - £55 for students pulled out, leaving the ball without any money from his funds, as these are the ball in the Union have been mixed, - £65 for staff major sponsors. Since then the committee reserved for academic developments. mainly due to the serious financial problem The summer ball committee would wel has had some success, with sponsorship Dave Hellard summed up how he saw the that will result if tickets do not sell well. come suggestions for the guest speaker from Goldmann Sachs and L'Oreal looking College's position,- "anything to do with the Another contentious issue is the relation Email [email protected] likely. students should be funded by the Union". ship between the ball and the ICSM sum More info: www.su.lc.ac.uk/summerball More progress has been made thanks Currently a further £7500 is needed, mer ball, which is scheduled to take place

Medics Football Fall from Grace Inside.. m

ICSM Football has sensationally been all matches a possibility"- In this way, every stripped of the First Division Championship, By David Roberts match in which Dr Houghton played would Letters - Health Centre 4 as a result of last minute wranglings from be declared an opposition walkover, and arch-rivals Guy's, Kings and Thomas' (GKT). them promotion to the Premier Division thus ICSM would be relegated to Division Editorial - Comment 5 The Kings Medics successfully (where they replace the relegated Royal Two. If that were not bad enough, the appealed against two fixtures, in which School of Mines squad). Meanwhile, ICSM knock-on effect would be the automatic Columns -AllCampbell 6 they claimed ICSM Firsts had fielded a Firsts drop into third place, behind UCL's sec demotion of ICSM Seconds to Division ringer, in the shape of Dr Jonathan ond string. Three, as UL rules state that no reserve team BirttldayS-A space filler 8 Houghton. Dr Houghton completed his the ultimate placings, however, arc. may play In the same division as their firsts. course last year, and consequently is no still not final. ICSM have appealed against However, the most likely scenario ArtS - ICU Choir 9 longer eligible for UL competition, but it is the decision, and, although their appeal has remains the current status quo, as eligibil believed that he has played in all but two been rejected by UL Sports League Co ity cannot usually be disputed after a match, ClubSCene - Paul van Dyk 10 games of the season. Indeed, if the results ordinator Ruth Crawford at the first stage, unless (as in this case) the player con of all the games in which his name appears the final decision of Neil Walker (ULU's cerned failed to produce a valid ID when MUSiC - tminem 14 on the teamsheet were overturned, ICSM Sports Officer) was not known at time of asked to do so by the opposlton on the day would be left with just six points - and going to press. Whilst it is possible that the of the match. Consequently, as GKT arc the Film - Orgazmo 16 would face relegation to the Second Divi ICSM victories over GKT could be reinstated, only side to have disputed eligibility, the two sion. the appeal also carries with it considerable matches which have already been voided Games - X-Wing Alliance 18 are the only ones which can realistically be Crucially, the reversal of the two dangers, as an appeals panel would have, called into question. matches (in both of which Dr Houghton in Ruth Crawford's words, "every opportu Sport - Netball Tour 20 scored) means a six point swing from ICSM nity to take whatever decision they felt Unfortunately, none of the ICSM squad to GKT, moving the Kings Medics to 43 appropriate...it is not beyond the realms of were available for comment - we'll bring CrOSSWOrd -bySheep 20 points, and thus into first place, earing possibility that they could deem voiding of you the final decision next week. 2 News 26 April 1999 In brief...

knowledge of Swedish is not required, Millennium Fever Computing Chartered although it may prove useful in the uni versity bars! The scholarship covers all The last day of the spring term culmi Joint Mathematics and Computing stu fees and hall accommodation, as well as issue 1142 nated in the usual fiesta that is the Car dents look set to gain Chartered Engineer a monthly bursary, but not travel costs. nival. Although millennium fever failed to status when they graduate, provided that Candidates must be UK nationals, usually 26 April 1999 build up in respect to ticket sales com they do enough computing. The Insti resident in Britain, and be expecting to pared to other carnivals, this was more tute of Chartered Engineers recently get a first or second class degree from Editor: Ed Sexton than adequately compensated for by a reviewed the Department of Comput Imperial (normally an MLng or MSci). Assistant Editor & films: David Roberts more mature and appreciative crowd. ing's undergraduate courses, according The deadline for applications is 10 May Music Editors: Dennis Patrickson The numerous house and garage to their new regulations. The 12 month and forms are available from Room 319, & Jason Ramanathan fans at IC had their moment when Sher- MSc course in Advanced Computing has Sherfield Building. For more information Arts & Books Editor: Helena Cocheme field's own security stalwarts otherwise also been accredited; Director of Studies contact the registry or Nigel Wheatley, Games Editor: Gary Smith known as Chilliblank mixed the tunes. The Margaret Cunningham believes that this the Deputy Academic Registrar,- n.wheat- Clubscene: Giles Morrison, room was culturally inspired by Arthur C is the first course of its kind to be recog [email protected]. Gurminder Marwaha & Joel Lewis Clarke's epic, 2001 A Space Odyssey, nised. The Computing courses have while as usual the chill-out room was been re-accredited; an MEng in com Biochemistry Fire caused by a notebook left on some well refreshed by its selection of enticing puting will give Chartered status, while a equipment, was soon extinguished, and cocktails. BEng will make graduates Incorporated A fire in the basement of the Biochem fortunately no significant damage was One of the major focal points at the Engineers. istry building during the holidays brought caused, as the basement is home to the event was the popular bouncy two fire engines onto campus. The blaze, department's electron microscopes. LaserQuest. So keen were some of the Bugs on the combatants that a gun was stolen by one miscreant. dB's was bathed in music from Increase Directlink Computer Services the ubiquitous Shaft. 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Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 External tel & fax: 01 71 594 8072 URL: www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix E-mail: [email protected] Printed at MCP Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, 16 - 16a Baldwins Gardens, London EC1N 7RJ Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040- 0711 Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication Board. Copyright © felix 1999. Photographic copyrights remain with photographers. I.C. SPORTS CENTRE 7 Princes Gardens. Ext 48964

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Swimming Per session £0.60 £0.50 3 month pass £12.50 N/A Sauna & Steam Throughout the year many Per session £0.60 £0.50 different courses including tennis, squash, and swimming Fitness Gym are at the Sports Centre with Per session £0.70 £0.50 reduced rates for Students. We 3 month pass £14.00 N/A also run a varied aerobic, yoga Induction £3.00 £3.00 and dance schedule in Swim & Gvm Per session £1.10 £0.80 The 3 month pass £22.00 N/A r | ^ONE Sauash 30 minute court £1.50 £1.25 — II * 40 minute court £2.00 £1.75 Racket hire £1.50 £1.50

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2 for / squash. Reserve two sessions Mon - Fri 7. 00am - 10.40am and only pay for one.

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* Special offers available until 14th May 4 Letters & small Ads 26 April 1999

Noisy Eaters out. I his 'catch up time' is essential for ICU Newsagent - Newspaper prices the running of the Health Centre. Dear Felix I have pointed out repeatedly to Over 50% off compared to other outlets - David that our service arrangements, This letter concerns a disgruntlement including the issue of opening hours, Our Price Cover Price which I am sure many of us using the are constantly under review. We will be library for quiet study share - that of re-considering our appointment sched Times 15p 30p noisy eaters. ules to see how we can accommo As if the brain did not strain date his concerns. Telegraph 15p 45p enough at the efforts of academia, David confuses the issue of per the guts and ears also are made to ceived lack of appointments with Independent 20p 45p turn at the 'crunch, slurp crunch' of lunchtime opening. Opening at meek looking young students surrep lunchtime would not entail the cre Guardian 20p 45p titiously consuming their secreted ation of more appointments, merely dorittos. One can tell these meek crea the shifting of their times, lurther- Financial Times 30p 85p tures are aware of their crime - when more, as David knows, the main rea one glares at them they drop their son for scarce appointments during Other newspapers - gaze in shame and attempt to devour term-time is the very high non-atten their noisy sustenance more quietly. dance rate by students. Over 100 Doc Sun 30p This will not do! It is the utmost in tors and Nurses appointments were On the main vulgarity and bad manners. I am lost during the month of February due Daily Mirror 30p tempted to lace their food with arsenic to non-attendance, mainly by students. walkway opposite - if only they gave me the chance by If students let us know when they are Daily Mail 35p leaving the library ever once during unable to attend we would be able to the Union Shop. the day. offer those appointments to others. Daily Express 35p The Health Centre is not a depart Yours & c ment of College. It is an independent general practice contracted to provide Princes Gardens tennis courts Disgruntled a student health service and an emer gency service during working hours. By These tennis courts have recently been resurfaced and can be booked by Col Who are these fair men and women, far the majority of our funding comes lege members at the Princes Gardens Sports Centre. the chosen ones who can secrete from the National Health Service and dorittos. Or Is It secret-ecf? On a more not from the College. The College Open Mon to Sat 9am - 8.30pm, Sun 9am - 6pm, until October serious note, perhaps the library liaises with us as to how we provide shouold have an area you can eat in the services that are contracted within (noisily or otherwise), for the ten hour the confines of the financial arrange £1 per hour for IC Students marathon reviser. - Ed ment between us, and MADSAC is the advisory committee that effects that liaison. Free Holidays in Turkey! Do you like cake? Dear Editor, We would ask David that, when advocating 'affirmative action', he bear Stay with a Turkish family and only pay Cake tasters required on a voluntary David Hellard (Felix 24 March) urges in mind our patients' comfort, safety for your flight basis, weekly, early Sunday mornings. "affirmative action" to force the issue and confidence when using the health for an application form and more infor Must be experienced in both the of all day opening of the Health Cen centre, and their right to confidential mation send a SAE to simple sponge and the more complex tre. Unfortunately, he has not pre ity and privacy when accessing the TRASPAUK fruit varieties. sented the reasons why the Health service. NO: 83,132 Westbourne Terrace Centre currently closes during However attacking the Health Cen London W2 6Q| Call 0171 373 0863 & leave a message. lunchtimc. tre isn't the way forward. The staff are When the Health Centre is open, dedicated and caring and always avail every member of staff is dealing with able to deal with urgent cases. They Bicycle Hospital Deadline for letters for patients, or acting on their behalf. provide an excellent service. As usual, There is little time to have breaks or the question is one of resources, and Second-hand bikes for sale is 12noon Wednesday. catch up on the essential administra in this case the answer does not lie on campus. tion necessary to fulfil our various with the Health Centre. Bike repairs on campus Please include the words obligations and commitments to patients. When the Health Centre is Yours faithfully email James at 'Letter for Publication' in closed at lunchtime staff stagger their lunch breaks so that these essential Dr. Irene Weinreb Jrr1 ©doc.ic.ac.uk. the header of letters. administrative tasks may be carried Director, Clinical Services Wednesday 12 May Computer Programming For Sale Letters may be edited for From Machine to Musicl Tuition Two-piece Yves Saint Laurent suit Double-breasted, charcoal colour with length, but will not be altered Jonathan Harvey talks about his music I laving trouble with your fine pinstripe involving electronics, with illustrations.' computing course? Size 48 (European) (Roughly 40" chest, in any other way. Letters need Friendly tuition by I.C 32" waist, 30" leg) Haldane Collection, Central Library computing graduate. not be signed, but a swipe Hardly worn-£100! Level 1 at 18.45. email James at card must be shown when Call Eleanor on X48772 All welcome. [email protected]. or e'mall [email protected] submitting anonymous letters. 26 April 1999 Editorial

Your gift will provide the food, KOSOVO APPEAL clothing, shelter, water, and health care they need to survive the I Call us now - 0870 60 60 900 terrible weeks of uncertainty ahead.

Kosovo resentatives from many nationalities Summer Ball dedicated and efficient team of jour at Imperial, and don't want to obscure nalists and editors to make such a stunt Yes, I'm afraid the blanket media cov the humanitarian problem by opening The Union has taken a chance by work, and is unlikely to happen this erage has even affected your much- a political can of worms, for the pur underwriting the ball, so I would ask all year, but if anyone is keen on the idea, loved (?) Felix. Besides, term has poses of this rant and this newspaper, those in two minds as to whether to go let me know. barely started and the few news writ I don't care if you blame the Serbs, to also take a chance and get a ticket ers we do have are still revising in far NATO or the jolly green giant for the (assuming the previous topic hasn't got flung corners of the globe. Anyway, I crisis. I do care that there is a crisis, you saving every penny). I don't think Oh, by the way, welcome back believe that we all have a conscience, and that people need help. it was made explicit in the article on and not even impoverished students Thus I call on all media editors at page one, but this will be IC's second I knew there was something I had for are exempt from this. "Why is he hung the college to do their bit by includ ball ever, and if it doesn't work out gotten to say. Good luck to all of you up on this humanitarian crisis, while ing a banner like the one above in there won't be one next year. So the "I'll who have exams in the coming weeks successfully ignoring famine in Africa their publications - and I include web go next year" defence won't work. I (sorry, I can't help but gloat) - may sec and oppressive regimes in Asia and editors and IC Reporter in that. Web shouldn't really need to persuade any ond order differential equations be your Latin America?" I hear you ask. The banners (similar to the one above) one - the event speaks for itself, and friend and short term memory loss your brutally honest answer is that it is a lot can be taken from the Disasters looks like being the highlight of the enemy. For light relief may I suggest AH harder to make a real difference in Emergency Committee web site year - but I guess student apathy, and Campbell's thought for the Day (page places like Sudan. Aid agencies can (www.dec.org.uk), while I will happily the nervous smiles seen in ICU when 7). I would recommend other parts of do their best, but at the end of the design a high resolution version that the subject is mentioned, have finally this issue but, to be honest and without day a change of attitude is needed as can be printed. I also call on Felix's got to me. offending my sub-editors who came much as money. In Kosovo, however, readers, and in particular some of the A previous editor of lelix had an back from their holidays early, this is a large injection of cash could make better paid members of the college, idea for such an event as the ball. Basi one of my least favourite editions. If you all the difference in the coming weeks to respond to such pleas. And if any cally, it involved producing a newspaper agree, and have time and talent - for many, the difference between one's got any good fund-raising ideas every hour for the duration of the enough to write a letter of complaint, life and death. then feel free to pop by for a coffee evening, using digital cameras and fast then why not write something for Felix? Enough propaganda - what about sometime. Perhaps we could auction photocopiers. So your embarassing I am going to get that plug in another the politics? Well, I'm staying out of off the spare granite from those infa antics are down in print for all to see on twenty times before Imperial's term, them. I am aware that we have rep mous flower beds... the night. It would obviously take a and mine, is over...

I v./ OTT any purchase over £10. just pop down to tower records on kensington high st. and produce your Union card at the counter.

"offer ends 30/06/99. "excludes already discounted sale product. *offer applies to the kensington store only.

kensington : 0171 938 3511 www.towerrecords.co.uk Columns 26 April 1999 Right Angles To Reality

Food for Thought

ld Mother Hubbard would supermarkets have got a not saying that all this new- on the jar which I had just placed into my have understood. The fact lot more complicated Matt Salter found choice in greengro trolley. I have often wondered whether O that I don't keep a dog, poor since I used to sit in the lit cery and the ability of the for the last three centuries Italian hus or otherwise, as a pet doesn't enter tle seat at the front of the aforemen consumer to now buy gristly Continental bands haven't been eating spag bol into it. Canine non-possession impacts tioned motion-impaired trolley. Back sausages that are so full of fat that they made with this sauce with a grimace not upon the bareness of one's cup then, shopping was shopping, and not a only differ from candles in that the latter and saying "Whatta the hell issa this? It boards, and mine certainly were bare. 'nourishment acquisition leisure experi has a wick, is necessarily a bad thing. The tastes lika shit" under their breaths. Fol Eventually, having eaten all seven of ence', and an in-store emergence of stores lowing this was a pot of deluxe super- the halves of onions that inexplicably bakery was something "Back then, shop that are bigger than thick-stand-your-spoon-up-in-it yoghurt - accumulate in even the best run of that happened acciden Noah's ark and contain the culinary equivalent of Russian fridges, and when I could no longer tally when the heating ping was shop a greater variety of Roulette and one that comes with a stomach yet another meal of Bisto and got stuck on full in the meat and poultry, must 'noticeable hardening of arteries or your cornflour fritters followed by ice cubes middle of summer. ping, and not a be a good thing from money back' guarantee. A visit to the a la Thames Water, I reluctantly had to Another thing evident to the cultural-barrier- meat counter showed that the inflation admit that the time had come to dig those of us who remem 'nourishment breaking, horizon- ary expansion had been extended to out my Littlcwoods duffel coat (one of ber when things were broadening, this part of the store as well. Now, as well those 'just too good to miss' bargains priced to the nearest half acquisition leisure consciousness-raising as chicken and pork one could purchase that you're always hearing about) and pence, is the veritable point of view. Not only ostrich, alligator and kangaroo. I toyed trog off to the supermarket to bend my explosion in the range experience'..." can you now get with the idea of buying some venison knee at the altar rail of 20th century of vegetables now avail comestibles, toiletries, but it was a bit deer. The bread counter consumerism. able to the discerning consumer. To be magazines, jeans, spares for your car saw me getting my hands on a crusty cob I always feel the tiniest bit guilty absolutely frank, some of the greenery and wing-mounted air-to-ground missile and a packet of American-style donuts about making such hard work of going currently masquerading as racks for an F-16 under one which I didn't really want but which shopping. I mean it's only food at your local fresh veg roof, but the traditionally had an extra 25 Advantage just down the road, a fif counter scares the life out unadventurous and nutrient Points on them. Then I teen minute walk at the of me. Not only does bereft British diet might also steered my laden trolley very most. It's not like I some of it look like the take a turn for the better - towards the tills, resisting have to trek for hours, 222' nl,dir, u ryrvv you never know. Inawaw j£ the temptation of the 3 for 2 barefoot under the mid *.i*z>' ~ on the planets visited by I hope that the standard of 1| Castrol GTX offer. I had day sun clad only in a loincloth, sucking the people off of "Space 1999", food in this country does 1 purchased so many things groundwater up through hollow reeds in but I can't pronounce the names of half improve if only so that our that I couldn't make use of the "eight order not to die of thirst, following the of them, let alone tell which bits to boil smug European cousins will no longer be items or grammatically incorrect" Express almost imperceptibly faint tracks of my and which to cut off and throw away. able to lord it over us in matters culinary. Checkout and I was forced to wait while prey which I will have to bring down The humble King Edward and deeply One particularly welcome develop the customer in front, whose shopping using a David-and-Goliath-typc stone in unglamorous Brussels Sprout have been ment is the near exponential improve seemed to consist entirely of items either a sling. Nor do I have to head off for a forced into a shotgun marriage with Pak ment in the ready-meal market, to the having no price or an unreadable bar three day trip into dense subtropical rain Choi and Khol Rabi, the long-term con point where heat-up curries actually look code, slowly packed his things away in forest armed with a sequences of which can like curries and not a about seventeen sepa spear and a catapult, "...I have never only be guessed at. It's slurry of post-surgical "The emergence rate bags and paid with searching for armadil the same with fruit. In offal and industrial efflu the takings of his Penny los or something been able to under the days when all of the ent dribbled over semi- of stores that are Arcade, before I could equally scaly and unap bubbles in car cooked UNHCR-reject have the cost of all my petising to knock sense stand why age bonated drink rice, as they did in the b sger than Noah's new possessions totted less and turn into a had to "pa; days when Vesta had up. There then fol casserole. Compared should be a guar their fizzicool : monopoly. As a ark must be a lowed the usual fiasco to the lengths to which the bigges rsy, thrusting young of paying for the stuff, some people have to antee of quality..." choice faced b> dentist with little good thing..." whereby the cashier go to in order to fulfil the shopper time and even less does their level best to their most basic dietary requirements, was between Granny Smith's inclination to wield pots and pans, shove the contents of my shopping trol my life is simplicity itself. On the other or Cox's Orange Pippin, and my shopping basket often ley down the conveyor belt and into the hand, Kalahari Bushmen rarely have to the purchase of such exotica i includes a few items from the holding area at the end faster than I can contend with an irate pensioner who, as a box of dates with a pic cook-chill cabinet, and I placed stuff them into the ludicrously flimsy, having taken ticket number 47 at the ture of a camel on the lid, or a couple of 600g Tagliatelli pre-ripped polythene bags provided, in deli counter, wandered off to get a bot a pineapple, meant either Carabonara and a Chicken some grim and manic imitation of that bit tle of Camp coffee and then returned fif that Christmas was just Korma in my trolley. They with the cuddly toy at the end of the Gen teen minutes later, to find that the 'Now around the corner or that you joined a selection of packets eration Game. I left the shop, sweating Serving' number has moved on to 62 and had a relative in hospital. Not and tins and a motley collection profusely and with the vein in my tem he has lost his place in the queue. Like any more. Pomegranates sit of exotic fruit and veg, which I ple pulsating uncontrollably. wise I'm willing to bet that instances of alongside Starfruit which are had chosen in a effort to There's no disguising it -1 hate doing Amazonian Indians getting stressed out themselves cheek by towl with ft appear cool and hip when the weekly shop. But at least it's over for because the only trolley left is the one Lychees, or some similar pro- HPP« unloading my shopping at the another seven days. With a full larder my with the wheel brake stuck on are very duce, whose only previous till. Next came a jar of Italian food life will be much improved, for a rare indeed. appearance in Britain up until recently pasta sauce "made to a 300-year old tra while at least. It's quite a comforting feel This being said, I am still of the opin was In the Ape house at Regent's Park ditional recipe". I have never been able ing, only... oh damn I forgot to buy toi ion that all in all I've probably got the bet 2oo. to understand why age should be a guar let rolls. And Brillo pads, and coffee... ter deal. One thing for sure. Please don't misunderstand me. I'm antee of quality, as implied by the label and, ...oh for goodness sake... 26 April 1999 Columns 7 Malaysian Focus Anwar Ibrahim: Guilty as Charged. What Next for Malaysia?

t was a trial that had no precedent charged under an a clear admission rest of her siblings ever since her father by Malaysian standards. Starting with act that was virtu NikB Hafiz to beating a hand was arrested, broke down in tears upon I astonishing revelations of the ally non-existent to cuffed and blind hearing the verdict. It was not only a police's brainwashing methods, the begin with. It was folded man sad day for Malaysia but, more signifi public was first introduced to the con also unique in the senseless in the cantly, for this family of seven to whom way that the o vicinity of the many ordinary Malaysians had opened cept of 'neutralisation' and 'turnover' in the Anwar Ibrahim corruption trial. After charges were police headquar their hearts since this debacle began. that it was a torrent of one bombshell amended by i ters. Anwar, in the So where do Malaysians go from after another and, up to a point, there prosei ulion when ; meantime, had to here? No one can really predict. The was a sense of scepticism as to what or doubts were raised by the defence see his request? Dr bail continuously whole experience has been an eye- whom to believe. When defence over their accusations of sexual mis being denied, and he still hadn't been opener to many, resulting in increased lawyers tried to adduce evidence of the conduct by Anwar, resulting in state proven guilty. awareness among the usually apathetic existence of a political conspiracy to ments and evidence,- including the With such clear one-sided treat majority. Dissatisfaction with the ruling topple Anwar, they were blocked by a infamous king-size, semen-stained mat ment of the man, not many people party had grown exponentially since series of rulings concerning their rele tress, to be expunged by Judge Paul. held any illusion that on 14 April, Anwar Anwar launched his 'reformasi' move vancies by the judge, Augustine Paul. Ironically, the Black Eye inquiry was Ibrahim would be cleared of the four ment with the exposure of corrupt There was even a joke going around conducted concurrently with his cor charges. Thousands converged to the practices within the government. Ques about the judge's most used phrase ruption trial and exposed rather dis heart of the capital to show their sup tions have been raised over the inde during the trial, "Not Relevant!". He turbing aspects of the police force. port on the morning of the scheduled pendence of the judiciary, police even went one step further by citing Anwar scored a big point when the announcement. When Judge Paul, as professionalism, justice, freedom of one of the lawyers as being in con former-IGP, Rahim Noor, sensationally expected, read out a guilty verdict and the media, rights of expression and tempt of court and sentenced him to confessed to beating the former DPM punished Anwar with 6 years in prison, democracy. Malaysians must now con three months in jail. Besides being the on the night of his arrest in September most were shocked at the lengthy sen tinue their quest for change without longest-running trial ever in Malaysia, last year. That confession put the gov tence. People on the street wept Anwar, since he will effectively be out the 77-day hearing also broke many ernment under immense pressure as openly, some claimed injustice and of politics for almost a decade. How other records in Malaysia's Guinness people expressed anger and discon expressed disbelief. However, the most ever, his presence will be felt and what Book of Records: The first in which a tent at the unprofessional conduct of heartbreaking outcome of this was that he has accomplished and suffered, former Deputy PM was brought to the country's police officers. It is also six young children were to be denied along with many others in the past court, a first ever corruption case which bewildering how, at the moment, it is their father for a maximum period of six few months, will definitely have an didn't concern any money or use of possible for Rahim Noor to be able to years. The eldest of the six, Nurul Izzah, effect on the future of the Malaysian wealth but only abuse of power, and walk free without any action being who had been a pillar of strength for political scene, and the country as a the first in which the accused was taken against him despite having made her mother, Dr Wan Azizah, and the whole. Thought for the Day Chop chop...

t's nearing examination time, ladies consist of not making people look like thing - went to bed, hoping that it would them. Having my hair cut is another. and gentlemen. The senior members Michael J fox. If this is the case, then look better in the morning. Guess what? You can't run away, or hide. You can't be I of the student populace will be fac don't look at me for an - it didn't. rude. And you can't just say nothing, for ing stressful times, and could no doubt answer -1 had no idea as All Campbell I finally solved the fear of retribution. These people have do with some practice at interpreting I fled the building with my problem in my usual absolute control. They have the power exam-type questions. To help out with hat firmly in place. Perhaps manner - by throwing to make you look like a million dollars, this, I have generously set you a little the fact that the Scissor- good money after bad, or like an absolute monkey, in just ten problem to prepare you all for the trials Brandlshing Representa and getting it fixed up at minutes, depending on how they feel ahead. tive of Doom didn't speak a rather more expensive on a particular day. There is no recom Read the following carefully: "Num any English was a contrib establishment in a pense. Coming from the North doesn't ber one back and sides, cut short on top utory factor, or at least no remote part of London, help either, especially when your torturer and layered in, please." Think you could dialect I'd ever heard. The making it a financially is feeling vindictive. To ask someone to understand that? Does it seem straight fabled London service intensive venture indeed. repeat something once is embarrass forward enough? Does it bear any industry claims another vic This is just the worst ing. To ask them to repeat it twice is resemblance to the phrase "I would like tim. example of a long string humiliating. I usually bottle out on the of misfortunes, all of to leave your establishment looking like If this ever happens to third occasion, and just grin and shrug which have revolved Michael J fox?" I didn't think so. If you you, take my advice - don't in a vague fashion, which can be fatal if around the deceptively can spot the difference between these be tempted to get the clip they've just asked you whether you want stressful goal of a simple two requests, then I offer my heartfelt pers out when you get orange streaks. short back and sides. congratulations. You are officially a bet home. Needless to say, So if there is a budding entrepeneur ter candidate than the utterly incompe this is exactly what I did - I cannot possibly out there, looking for that lucrative, elu tent woman who cut my hair on and was rewarded with a Keep those scissors away stress enough just how sive gap in the market, consider setting Gloucester Road once. (The precise loca nice bald streak up the much I hate having my up a chain of hairdressers whose modus tion of the business in question is still a back of my head for my troubles. Bloody hair cut. I loathe it. I dread it. I wouldn't operandi is that they will not say a word secret.) You may wonder how such a hell -1 now looked worse than Michael call myself an introvert, but there are cer during the entire process. You'd make an fundamental error could be made by J Fox. Feeling persecuted, miserable and tain situations in which I just don't fancy absolute packet. 'Introcuts'. I can see it someone whose livelihood ought to downright stupid, I did the only sensible a pleasant chat. Cab rides are one of now. 8 Birthdays, Deaths & Marriages 26 April 1999

Can't study? Too many distractions? Why not join us for a ...

Revision Weekend Away?

°Mi2.t is this about? This is a weekend away, organised by His People Society, for you. It is a Revision o^inerary example: Weekend Away, giving you the opportunity to study out in the peaceful countryside Saturday where you will be waited upon for meals etc. Also relaxing sporting events will be 08 00 Wake up and Breakfast arranged for the breaks between study sessions, a program designed for highly 09 00 - 11 00 Study Session productive times of study. This is also an opportunity to get to know other students. 11 00 - 11 30 Tea Break 11 30 - 13 00 Study Session 13 00 - 14 00 Lunch aMio is this for? 14 00 - 15 30 Study Session Any student who desires to have a productive study weekend in the country side. 15 30 - 17 30 Sports & Relaxation 17 30 - 19 00 Study Session 19 00 -2000 Supper

details: 20 00 - 23 00 Games / Hot Choc & marshmallows etc (study optional) Dates: 30th April - 3rd May (Friday evening - Monday morning) 23 00 Zzzzzzzz Cost: £15 non society members £12 society members Includes: Transport, Food, Accommodation etc. Departure time: 18 30 (Fri)

RSVP by Wednesday 28th April to Frans at 0181 748 7576 or HIS PEOPLE [email protected] SOCIETY 26 April 1999 Arts KANDINSKY - WATERCOLOURS, AND OTHER WORKS ON PAPER Royal Academy of Arts

in the compilation of The Blue Rider (Der Blaue Reiter) almanac. The most fascinating element of the exhibition was the inclusion of a video, asily Kandinsky (1866 - 1944) The substantial collection showing the artist at work. Within a matter undoubtedly exerted a profound of prints, sketches, water- of minutes, a blank page was covered in V influence on modern art. Surprisingly colours and gouaches provides dynamic swirls and grids, revealing his spon enough, this pioneer of the abstract style a comprehensive overview of taneous and swiff approach to art. His paint was something of a mature prodigy. He Kandinsky's innovative artistic ings literally came to life. abandoned an auspicious career in law at evolution throughout the 20th the age of 29, inspired by the revelation of century. Initially influenced by Russian fairy objective pieces - Off Balance for instance, Helena a Haystack by Monet, which "impressed tales and religious icons, the subject mat pictured left. Kandinsky also developed and itself ineradicably upon [his] memory, ter gradually evolved towards intrinsically applied a scientific, theoretical basis to his Until 4th July always hovering before [his] eyes". Besides geometric, non-figurative compositions. technique, which revolutionised the Expres Admission: £6, students £4 being gifted with a photographic mem Although folkloric motifs of his homeland sionist movement. Disillusioned by the polit Opening hours: daily 10am - 6pm (Fri ory, Kandinsky was synaesthesic - distinct subsequently emerge In his work such as ical turbulence in communist Russia, he days in April and May until 8.30pm) shades of colours stimulated powerful The Great Gate of Kiev (pictured right), emigrated to Germany where he lectured Nearest tube: Green Park sounds and sensations in his brain. Kandinsky is renowned for his vivid, non- at the Bauhaus institute and was involved IMPERIAL COLLEGE CHOIR AND THE IMPERIAL MEDICS CHOIR Verdi Requiem

aking my seat in the Great Hall on applause and everyone settled for the Friday 19 March, I noted that there opening chords. Twere almost as many places for the The first section is like the lull before performers as for the audience. This was the storm. The captivating sound of cho encouraging because Verdi's Requiem is rus and muted strings woos the audience a big work requiring what might be col to calm before being shaken awake by loquially termed 'large portions'. A Ger the sudden outburst of orchestral might man conductor of the day dubbed it which introduces the Dies Irae, the loud Verdi's 'latest opera dressed in ecclesi est, longest and probably most famous astical robes' for its dramatic and secu section of the piece. I was almost blown lar style. It evokes a series of contrasting out of my chair by the blast of brass, the emotions, sometimes powerfully, some scream of sopranos and the boom of the playing allowed one lo breathe out deeply sombre. What really stood out times with the utmost delicacy. It is a bass drum, played by an individual who before the next onslaught of over however, was the dynamic control and string of fixating, breathtaking passages emulated the heartiest of baseball slug whelming oratorical power. precision of the chorus. They performed interspersed with less intense sections to gers in style and power. The relentless The Requiem is a piece of intense out of their skins not only in the loud sec allow the audience to refill their lungs runs of strings fill one's head with contrasts. The soloists have a real chance tions but also in the more delicate pas and release their grip on their armrests. thoughts of apocalyptic doom and divine. to shine in their sections. The buxom sages. wrath. The 'dread trumpet' calling the The auditorium prickled with antici Miranda Keys (soprano) and Kathryn Miranda Keys sang the final phrases dead to rise came in the form of pow pation as the singers filed in - the event Turpin (mezzo soprano, standing in for with such wonderful dulcet intensity that erful off stage brass playing a fanfare that had clearly attracted an enthusiastic the unwell Louise Mott) carried off the lilt the audience was stunned to a long filled the hall with awe-inspiring noise. Ms crowd. There were the occasional bursts ing Agnus Dei beautifully, especially con silence before the well deserved raptur Tkach Hibbard hopped about on her of partisan applause as a small group sidering the lack of rehearsal time. The ous applause erupted. Thank you to the conducting stand regimenting her spotted their chum on stage, even the phrases lilted and lingered on the ears in choirs, the orchestra, the soloists and cohorts, keeping the singers' perfor odd aborted Mexican wave. The con a smooth relaxing fashion. James Ruther their conductor for a superb night's mance tight and intense. The lilting link ductor, Therees Tkach Hibbard, entered ford (bass) and Simon Bainbridge (tenor) entertainment. ing sections of duets and orchestral with the soloists to a ripple of expectant were at times menacing and at others lain SWALLOW @ CLUB INNOCENCE

Swallow @ Club Innocence massive. The music policy is simple - no could see why Swallow will be massive - I'll take this opportunity to thank Shand St., London Bridge cheese. A whole host of DJs play hard- lots of people, the beer was flowing Chris and the Swallow gang for letting us £8 NUS/£10 house, techno, and hardcore until the freely, there were plenty of DJs and come down and check out what is sure 10pm-6am small hours of the morning. And we're there was still six hours to go. to be one of fondon's premier nights. not just talking any old DJs, but jocks such One of the great things about Swal There will be more Swallow nights as Darren Pearce and Nicky Blackmarket. low is its music policy and the large num throughout this term and Clubscene will Swallow. A club run by a group of Since Swallow has been changing venue ber of DJs playing. Each DJ plays for a let you know all the details as we get young people for young people. Having (due to costs), tonight saw the night at couple of hours or so and then there's them. The next one should be at Mass recieved high accolades in both Timeout Club Innoncence down by fondon a change as a new jock plays his kind of in Brixton. and The Independent, I figured it was Bridge. There were two rooms, a chill out tunes in his own style. This stops you get time I went down and had checked the area and a connecting room where you ting bored and creates an atmosphere Gurm club out myself- in the interests of jour could eat all the sweets you wanted. filled with anticipation. nalism of course. The atmosphere was great, though The venue was alright, and as in Swallow hasn't been running for the crowd was a bit young for my liking London anywhere is better than long, and you could see that this was a (but then I'm a fussy bastard). The decor nowhere....so the club was run in some night in it's infancy but with huge poten included drapes all over the place and railway arches that had been converted. tial. You walk into the club and can feel the lighting created a very dark and Not too bad, but I've been to better. the rawness of a night that will soon be haunting dancefloor. After midnight you

Singles

Single of the Week sion. Out in May this is French house at great vocals each remix stays closely with same name. With great pumping break its very best. the original track whilst giving its own beats on a spirtiual sound and deep Chubby Chunks interpretation. vocals, this is a single being canned on 'I'm Tellln You' Radio 1, with the 'Hybrid' mix being the (Cleveland City) Demon best of the three mixes. Out now. fantastic single on the Cleveland 'Lil' Fuck' Beat-Boy City label. Originally this was the first (20000ST) The Roof Is On Fire' release on the label and was the 'Star Fantastic single following on from (Fresh) Delirium dust' of it's time. The 1999 version fea Demon's excellent 'Regulate' track. This Fucking awful single on the Fresh label. 'Silence' tures the great vocals of Kim Ruffin. EP brings together three mixes of the ace This debut single from a new group Is (Pinnacle) There are two different mixes on the 12" titled track, one from Etienne De Crecy simply shit. There are plenty of remixes from the Prophets of Sound and Domi- and one from ECube. De Crecy pro which (surprise, surprise) all sound This excellent, deep spirtiual, pro natrix. The Dominatrix mix is an excellent vides a very vocal, deep and funky remix exactly the same. Cheesy and irritating gressive tune will finally get a release in progressive track with deep beats and whilst ECube provides a deeper version. vocals - some of the worst I have ever the UK. 'Silence'is one hell of a track. It bass, whilst the Prophets' mix is a more The other track on the EP 'My City' pro heard - are passed off as 'hip hop, dance features haunting vocals from folk-pop funkier, house version. vides a seriously rolling groove, mixing and 60's psychedelia with a fresh 90's star Sarah McLachlan and has been ham bongo with funky beats. Something for lick'. Quite frankly the single is a load of mered by Sasha and Digweed - it has also anytime of the day or night. Out on the bollocks (something rare from Fresh) featured on their recent Northen Expo 4th May. Charles Schillings and you get the impression that the pro sure 3 album. The Sanctuary mix is a 'No Communication' ducers and group haven't put in any gem - subtle and soulful. Progressive effort at all. Out on the 10th May - and A superb track from premier f rench music can't get better. Out on Pinnacle will no doubt be a hit with the teenagers DJ Charles Schillings (resident at Discobar Jlml Tenor on the 10th May. of Britain. Cheese!! @ Rex Club, Paris). This comes as a dou Total Devastation' ble vinyl pack and includes a deep vocal (Warp) cut just oozing with Parisian soul. Salt More funky gooves from the Finn on City Orchestra provide a soulful electro- Warp records. This is pumping old skool Carl Cox influenced rework. There is a funked-up electro of the highest quality. Produced 'Phuture 2000' version using rolling electric bass and by Jimi himself, the 12" boasts three (Edel) funky organs whilst the final two mixes excellent mixes, whislt the CD version Top single from a top jock, Phuture provide a harder interpretation with gives three very different interpretations. 2000 is the first single to be released from Gurm plenty of pianos and a pumping style ver With lots of chilled out funky beats and Carl's long awaited new album of the 26 April 1999 Clubscene 11 Albums

Album of the Week wonderful vocals, and the result is a top ing as much as they can and it's nothing Pills album, which you will end up listening special. The booklet you get with the CD 'Electrocalne' Renaissance presents.... to time and time again. How do the is amazing - probably the worst booklet 'Anthony Pappa and Rennle Pilgrem' French do it? I have ever seen and full of crappy facts (Renaissance) such as the total nuber of beats used in felix's French connection contin Oakie's sets at Cream over the last two ues with this top-quality French tech- The people at Renaissance deliver years! Out now. house album. I using house, funk, the goods once more in this second vol techno and tech-house, the CD starts ume of a new series. A double CD with Dance Nation 6 off at a hectic pace and stays there all well over two hours of music, this album 'Mixed by Tall Paul and Brandon Block' throughout. The tracks use guitar licks, features the mixing talents of two great (Ministry of Sound) a 303, shredded vocal chants, acid bass DJs, Anthony Pappa and Rennie Pilgrem. lines nad beakbeat loops with a hint of Disc 1 (recorded live In Australia) is the Two of the country's best DJs get Sound of Eukatech II pop. It's a great album which you don't deep, spiritual progressive sound that together to continue Ministry of Sound's (Compilation) get sick of listening to. C'est formidable. Renaissance is legendary for. Starting 'Dance Nation' series into its sixth album. (Eukatech) Out now. with the wonderful opening tune 'Water As well as the biggest club tunes around Ride' by 16B, the music slowly builds up being mixed to perfection by Tall Paul A great double CD album with over to more progressive tunes with deep and Brandon Block (there's too many to two hours of cutting edge underground beats. Tracks include Humate's 'Love mention), the double CD album also house and techno club tracks. The Stimulation' and Hybrid's 'Kill City'. The comes with a 20 page guide to the album represents the music which is second CD is a more funkier sound nation's best 10 nights out. With each CD released on the Eukatech label and mixed by Pilgrem and encompasses funk lasting well over an hour, this fantastic which is sold in the Eukatcch record Albums by Gurm and breakbeat tunes - some of them compilation is worth the money. Out shop. The techno CD represents the fast flowing whilst others are chilled. now. London techno scene with artists such as This is an excellent compilation, but then Ha-Lo, Bigfoot and Reck, whilst the sec you'd expect that from Renaissance. ond CD Is a house compilation and Out now. includes production by Wiggle resident Nathan Cole. Out in May. Resident 'Oakenfold @ Cream' Bang Bang (Virgin) 'JeTAImeJeTAIme' (East West Records) Oakenfold has left Cream, and so VCF. the scouse superclub have jumped on 'Modernistic Acid Trance' It's been out for a little while now but the bandwagon to squeeze more money this is a superb french house album. out of the clubbers who worship the Crap hardcore album (none of the The brainchild of Xavier Jamaux, the planet's finest DJ. This is a double CD tracks are any good.) - and that's really all album is funky, soulful, house and folk album and is a live recording of Oaken- I can say. Out in May. all rolled into one. Xavier builds the fold at Cream playing the kind of tracks foundation for his trcaks with his vast which have made him the top jock in the array of vintage keyboards and adds his world. There are nearly thirty tracks over own drums, bass and samples. Inspired two CDs and I guess if you like Cream/ by the music of the 70's, he alsofuses Oakie then it's worht checking out, but together folk and soul. Add to this some this album is really a case of Cream milk

Silver Planet Records Special

ers is also impressive and includes Way deep beats, instrumentals, and pianos, best of the lot is the LSG remix which is Out West and Paul Van Dyk. A truly whilst the MVD remix is more house a fantastic joureny through prog, house. An excellent lable operating from great album - out In May. sounding but very weird. Lust' is out now. Notting Hill, and which we'll have more news of later in the term. Their latest album is 'Solid Silver' and is an excellent album of the best progressive house There will be more info, about the Sil tracks currently doing the business in Also being released is the 1999 remix ver Planet Recordings label later this the clubs. If you need to compare it to Silver Planet will also be releasing a of 'Lust' by Velocity. This is a good pro term. something then try an Oakenfold album few singles and E.Ps including Denki gressive tune with deep beats and bass - great deep tracks which you could Groove's 'NiJi' remixes. This is a great sin but has a very catchy tune to it. The sin spend ages listening to. Tracks include gle with mixes from Paul Van Dyk and gle features remixes from Slander, LSG, The Band' by Marco /affarano, 'Rhthym from Mijk Van Dijk (I wonder if Dick Van and a G-Watt remix. The Slander remix Climber' by PVZ and the excellent 'The Dyk will do one?). The PVD remix is a isn't too bad, following the original quite Journey1 by Sadie Glutz. The list of remix- powerful progressive track with lots of closely. The G-Watt mix is crap but the Silver Planet Records Special by Gurm 12 Clubscene 26 April 1999

Paul Van Dyk Special Feature

PAUL VAN DYK is currently one of the movement and creative activity were progressive house to establish him as guably the top DJ in Germany, he has not biggest names In Djing in the world, and destinies less likely than a lifelong career one of the leading DJs on the reborn been bound by the German scene - has started 1999 with his biggest hit yet in aTrabant factory, labouring under the city's vibrant club scene. He became res rather, he's become a worldwide ambas - his new remix of Humate's 'Love Stim impression that Western music stopped ident at Dubmission at E-Werk, hottest sador for it and a personal embodiment ulation', which entered the UK singles with The Beatles and Elton John. spot in a non-stop musical heatwave. of its qualities. He maintains a home charts at 18 and stayed there for four Paul van Dyk - favourite group, New And, sooner or later, just driving the base in Berlin, but wherever you are, he weeks. Order - spent his last few years in this decks would not be sufficient outlet for will be with you soon. This is only the start of what promises dying outpost of state-control socialism his talent. to be a great year for Paul, who is work developing, but unable to feed prop The men to realise this first were ing on his new album, 'Avenue Of Stars', erly, a growing appetite for house music, Mark Reeder (ex-pat Mancunian) and set for release on Deviant later in '99. It's which he first heard on western radio In Torsten Jurk (East German cohort) - both PAUL VAN DYK a year that could hardly have gone wrong 1985. He taught himself to mix on "two refugees from the DDR who were busy DISCOGRAPHY after he kicked it off with a live New fucked-up old turntables and a very old recording the new music of Berlin and its 1992 Year's Eve/Day triple-header, playing to mixer". However, like those of many of environs on their MFS label. They encour VISIONS OF SHIVA packed clubs in Milton Keynes, Stoke his compatriots, his ambitions seemed aged Paul to take the step into the stu Perfect Day and Sheffield between midnidght and unlikely to be fulfilled. dio and the first result was the Visions Of single (MFS) 6am, and still getting home in time for Shiva project, cooked up with keyboard 1993 lunch. maestro Cosmic Baby, and coming up VISIONS OF SHIVA 'Avenue Of Stars' will follow-up to with two acclaimed singles, 'Perfect How Much Can You Take? single (MFS) his remix collection, 'Vorsprung Dyk Day'(1992) and 'How Much Can You X-MIX-1 Technik', his acclaimed triple-CD remix Take?' (1993). The MFS Trip live mix compilation (MFS) collection. That came in the wake of his Visions faded, but Paul went on to 1994 first Top 40 hit, Tor An Angel '98', which become an MfS artist in his own right, The Green Valley entered the national charts in August at debuting with 1994's 'Green Valley' EP EP(MFS) number 28 and spent four weeks in the and following through with the '45 RPM' Pump This Party top 75 and two weeks at number one album later that year. Demand also grew single (MFS) in the dance chart. for his talents as a remixer. from '93 45RPM In a hectic 1998, during which 'for onwards, he could be found sprinkling album (MFS) An Angel' not only hit the charts but also the fairy dust on tracks by artists as 45 Remixes Per Minute 10-inch (MFS) appeared on a mind-boggling variety of obscure as MFS labelmates Humate and 1995 TV and radio shows - from the fairly-pre DFM, as unlikely as Madchester survivors Emergency (The Remixes) single (MFS) dictable MTV to the less-predictable Inspiral Carpets (another of the young 1996 Grandstand, Paul also enjoyed ten top FVD's favourite listens in DDR days) and Beautiful Place 40 hits as a remixer. as big as New Order, Tori Amos and single (Deviant) He was voted 6th best DJ in DJ Dina Carroll - fabulous remixes that can 1997 magazine's authoritative end-of-year be found on 'Vorsprung Dyk Technik'. forbidden Fruit chart. He won Bassline magazine's Best And all the while he built his international single (Deviant) International DJ award. He was voted reputation as a brilliant and innovative Seven Ways Best International DJ in Northern Ire Paul Van Dyk In crap camera pose. live DJ, both in Europe and the States. album (Deviant) land's BBM magazine. He was nomi Paul van Dyk's soulful music is Words nated for Best International DJ in the informed as much by the raw melan single (Deviant) 1998 Muzik awards and, among his many But seismic political and social choly of the New Order and Smiths 1998 Djing road rips, he established a resi upheavals throughout eastern Europe records he listened to while holed up in 45 RPM dency at New York's Twilo Club (Sasha, led to the fall in 1989 of the Berlin Wall Eisenhuttenstadt as by the house and album (Deviant) Digweed and Carl Cox are the other 'res and, as East and West Germany headed techno that led him up the road to Berlin For An Angel '98 idents'). towards reunification, far-reaching and beyond. His prescient records are single (Deviant) 'Avenue Of Stars' will constitute the reforms in the East permitted adventur informed by the knowledge that elec Vorsprung dyk Technik follow-up to his acclaimed 1997 album ous souls to up anchor and set off for tronic music must convey emotion if it is album (Deviant) 'Seven Ways', which spawned three sin whatever and wherever they fancied - in to swerve anonymity and earn the love 1999 gles in 1997, 'Beautiful Place', 'forbid Paul's case, the organically expanding of a broad public rather than the casual Paul van Dyk presents Humate:'Love den fruit' and 'Words'. and occasionally exploding rave/club attention of a one-night stand club Stimulation' scene in Berlin, where he arrived armed So where did all this start? Well, in crowd. album (Deviant) only with his primitive mix tapes and Eisenhuttenstadt in the old East Ger His Deviant releases which, since started Djing in March 1991. many: a state where the premier Erich the 'Seven Ways' album, have paralleled IBi I I Honecker reacted to the Soviet policy of The Berlin scene was moving at a those on MFS, represent the founda glasnost with the retort, "If your neigh hectic pace but Paul van Dyk was mov tions of a body of work which will long Gurm < jPJrar bour redecorated his flat, would you ing even faster and it took little time for outlive even the cream of any year's redecorate yours?", and freedom of his unique blend of uplifting trance and fashionable dance genre. Long unar- iCU Ents Cut Out & Keep Guide to Term 3 _ FRIDAYS 9-2 Tuesdays with chill - out room & Cocktail Bar STA 30th April TAIIRTS BAR TRIVIA Plus giveaways from W/MMMB(sK7 4th May 7th May X-FILCS SPCCIAl OPEN-MIC SEMI-FINALS dBs 8pm. £2.50 / £2 box sets lo be won Uttf 4* DaVinci's 8.30 14th May Wednesdays "Life's A Beach" Beach Party 21 st May common people plus ICU Band Night 8pm midnight bar 12.15 finish ANDERSEN CONSULTING 28th May PIT-STOP CHALLENGE Thursdays 11-5 Beit Quad DaVinci's Cocktail Night 4th June 5-11 Edinburgh Warm up show - Details tbc POP TAIRTS Saturdays 8th May & 6th June llth June t ftfp^

Vtt I I I E K .{"Hi II f 18th June Alt.rock & metal live Music from Baxendale, plus other surprises!! 8-12. free Full details tbc... 25th June Summer Ball 14 Music 26 April 1999

Singles Albums

.".;>.: ^ vi-:. i'^ .-i.;.'.'.'/ EMINEM The Slim Shady LP [

irst of all, let's get one thing really all about his daughter and how straight. When this album says much he loves her, a really sweet ballad F 'explicit' it means it. If you don't which gets a little sick. want your cars polluted with tales of If I Had talks about all Eminem's

: }r:-'r''''i: y'y\[''i:\ murder, rape, multiple suicide woes with the world, he says he is 'tired .:-,: : ' attempts, theft, underage sex and of being white trash', 'tired of having a

;::;}'i-..l7:'-- :':!.:; / :-'!.}; '<'}: v\ ^^'ii-v-; drugs don't get this album. If, on the lack of funds and resorting back to guns' V: /'.; '! :' r'(:;V, ;yv,;: other hand, all this stuff sounds bang and 'wearing the same damn Nike Air

; \ bcv: : ,:,V>'.vi, :.;>.if; i: j . .. up your street this is a prime example of hat'. He also says that 'If I had one wish,

,!;.:: ., :;j the genre. I would ask for a big enough ass for the Slim Shady is the new name of whole world to kiss.' As well as talking Somatic - KofWng Cfw/r tminem, Dr Dre's (of NWA and Fuck tha about what he sees on the street, he also Police fame) latest student. Wilh this maintains a comedy edge that somehow <..; ih kind of backing, it's pretty definite that makes it all the more poignant. :: : " ' , :, V this album will get lots of attention - but Just before it all gets too serious he

: h;.. j:-':; i i; - V. 'f:; i:> ;-::'::..y. can Eminem keep this attention with a whips it back in with his 'dance' song,

:: ": ;'i'ev, v,;.-;:,; prime slice of raw rap with a funny edge? Cmon everybody. A tune in the fine tra Yep. Looks like this is going to be dition of Will Smith - this would be a sure one of the largest rap albums of the fire hit if he ever gets around to releas

..^ ..>^-: year. I think the secret to this album's ing it, and cutting al! the swear words attraction is the fact that every track is a out. Which would probably ruin it - but ^ nv. >''.

:;; ;-6:.,vi! :.)'.,;:- ' duced before - my name Is...' Clyde is a very messed up little tale of A great album, full of funny as hell Eminem murdering his ex-wife, ex-wife's lyrics and large beats to go with it thanks new husband and son. After committing to Dr. Dre. Get it before he gets too Fatboy Slim - K/gfir Were /Vow this terrible crime he proceeds to take his commercial and forgets where he came

;;) /,:"] 'nil-,' daughter back and drive to the beach to from. And forgets how to swear so Imag

<://-0'V.i>-,' '0!::'^r.'v^;i:V';f:;!;.-.l'.'Vf:V /;;»?.:. dump the bodies of his victims. I know inatively. H

'>;."1'f,;'':<:'(: ;!=::..:'. y..::.Tv this sounds a little sick but this song is Joel

:'!''.' i.;.:;.;V..',:..':'vMV,:': ii'i kill ':;

,r>,r ;':>'fi-;..-.;i ;':.h MATTHEW MARSDEN Say Who |

: r.'",).::/':: J::.'?-. ;».<:

:'-!:..vV:^';' ; '-''..i"V'^ /!;>.:; hrow-away-pop would be a particular favourite Say Who) but you harsh yet accurate way of wouldn't have noticed - they are just as T describing the 12 sloppy tracks boring and naff as all the rest. There are on this album. With his boyish charm two singles on this album that have Ben Folds Five - 4rmy and supposedly amazing good looks, already been released. If you know The Mr Marsden has been manufactured to Heart's Lone Desire and She's Cone,

)'.;; if'I h ' ':' I; 'v.\'" make the heart of any young teenage then you know the type of thing we're

ViF'tuV ': i ':V1^.,::,v>;::;:,f';i''...: :, girl miss a beat. Here arises a problem into here. i . " i'v . " ' ;.. : : ' i :ll in that I am neither 15, nor do I read On a more positive note, the album Smash hits or JI 7. Despite this, I'm pret is well produced with the first few sec

,: : ; ! ::|, ; 1 F-.; *f,'', .':v '. ''';' V - -i*::"' ' ty sure that if I was or did, I would still onds of each song sounding pretty hate this album. interesting. It's just the remaining 2 or 3

: ; , ^-:':'.:;::V'-"'.'i...0'J- b".; Matthew Marsden is yet another minutes that spiral down toward new lev attempt by record companies to create els of crap-ness never quite reached Badlv Drawn Boy - « C"«3me from 7/ie a perfect little package of 'sex-appeal before/That sinking feeling usually starts that can sing'. He sounds very similar to at the same point that Matthew starts ii I . ' Gary Barlow but that's where the simi singing. It is not as though his voice is larity ends. At least Gary Barlow had a bit bad, it is just that it is so 'normal'. The , or originality about him in his style of only possible use for this album, that I Matt, mate, do us a favour - music. One of Marsden's whiny love can think of, would be as background give up your day job. songs is just about bearable. But twelve music when you are working. It is unique of them, back to back, are enough to to me in being the only CD that can be

: ;, : make you want to go and throw yourself .,;,;i;." .>i; : ,i;>;;' :h'v H listened to and not cause distraction out of the nearest window screaming from the task at hand. But, unless you 'No Morel' Yes, believe mc, it is truly that are the type of person that goes into a bad. It isn't really Matthew's fault that he music shop looking for something that is rubbish, though. Afterall, he didn't it so boring your subconscious will block write the awful songs that he sings. He it out, I wouldn't buy this. CI co-wrote 4 of the 12 tracks (including my Ingrid Tuesday 4th May + EDINBURGH / UNIVERSITY 1 STUDENTS ASSOCIATION THE PLEASANCE SOCIETIES CENTRE Doors: 7.30pm BOX Office: 0131 650 2309 Wednesday 5th May WARWICK UNIVERSITY STUDENTS UNION ZIPPY'S DOORS: 8.00PM Box OFFICE: 01203 572 777 / 01203 690916 Thursday BRITAIN'S BIGGEST SEARCH 6th May FOR= NE W DCOMED. YM STAR S UNIVERSITY 'SIMPLY BRILLIANT' OF LIVERPOOL Mrs Merton star Caroline Aherne You could GUILD OF STUDENTS SARO WIWA BAR WIN Doors: 8.00pm BOX orficsu-OISI 709 9108

an Friday appearance 7th May at The Montreal IMPERIAL COLLEGE & Melbourne UNION Comedy Festival dB's Doors: 8.00pm BOX Office: 0171 59a 8068 Sunday 9th May CARDIFF UNIVERSITY STUDENTS UNION THE TERMINAL Doors: 8.00pm BOX Office: 01222 387 421

Thursday 13th May THE ACADEMY, UNION OF PERKIER BEST NEWCOMER NOMINEE BRUNEL STUDENTS THE ACADEMY if you would like to enter next years competition please send your name and address to: Doors: 7.45pm rd 2000, BOX Office: 01895 462 200 Tickets: £2.50 16 ^1"*-^ Film 26 April 1999 Reviews I Sill Know What You Did Last Summer * *

Starring : Jennifer Love Hewitt, Brandy, Freddie Prinze Jr, Mekhi Phifer Director: Danny Cannon

f you guessed from the title that this The off-season staff introduce them I is the sequel to last year's stalk and selves and dutifully provide various I slash flick of almost the same name, diversions while you attempt to decide then it's a fair bet that you have some who is a significant character and who idea of what to expect from / Still Know is merely present in a hook fodder What You Did Last Summer. If you are capacity. thinking along the lines of a whole The British director, Danny Cannon, somely attractive female college stu handles the misdirection beloved of dent, her sassy sidekick, and various this genre competently, and when the blokes - generally mouthy, nerdy or homicidal fisherman finally arrives on intermittently sinister - desperately the scene the expected escalating ten evading a tooled up nutter then you're sion is delivered. In fact, it's not even dif not far from the mark. fused by the fisherman's more comical We rejoin Love Hewitt a year on then sinister choice of slasher get-up. from the events of the first film which I suppose a sou' wester and rain saw most of her mates disembowled coat are good for keeping the blood off with a big hook by an irate fisherman. your clothes, but they're not as fright Apparently, they had run him over, ening as a ski mask. With a plot as flimsy chucked him in a river and left him for as the singlets which stricken heroines dead - the sort of treatment which have universally settled upon as this would have even that most mild man season's de rigeur outfit for running nered of seafarers, Captain Birdseye, Once again It's time for an exciting game of "Spot the Stiff". away from a loony, this film offers very sharpening the fish knives and con little beyond the standard shock tactics templating revenge. When her new best derers do their best work and particularly holiday island does not provide the reas of a hundred other movies. It is pal Brandy (of "and Monica" fame) wins on the anniversary of a previous killing suring sanctuary she's hoping for. It is undoubtedly polished, but, lacking the a holiday for four in the Bahamas, Love spree. Joined by a couple of guys from the stormy season and the place is all humour of Scream say, it is pretty unin Hewitt is persuaded to leave the college college, the pair head off to the sun but deserted, and Love Hewitt and co spired. Plenty of shocks, but no sur campus behind for a few days. shine, leaving all thoughts of eviscera find themselves in that other stalwart prises. D After all, it Is where most axe mur tion behind them, but unfortunately the scary film location, the isolated hotel. Simon

An Ideal Husband **

Starring : Rupert Everett, Minnie Driver, Cate Blanchett, Julianne Moore, Jeremy Northam, Julianne Moore Director: Oliver Parker

he first of this year's big screen One of the problems inherant in version's of Oscar Wilde's classic adapting eighteenth and nineteenth T play is a fairly straight-forward century plays is that, by-and-large, adaptation of his turn-of-the-century they're incredibly studio set, generally tale of gentle political intrigue and revolving around drawing-room antics. romance, brought to life by a lavish An Ideal Husband is no exception, and Anglo-American co-production. in attempting to open out the script,

Whilst the story is surprisingly rele director Parker walks a very fine line vant today - preaching tolerance between 90's over-stylisation and towards our ever-infallible fellow man Wilde's lightness of touch. Sadly, it's a (be they politicans or loved-ones) - the line he crosses more than once, and real winner is the script. Wilde's char consequently the all-important dialogue acters come alive via his trademark wit is occasionally swamped in faux-period ticisms and great battle-of-the-sexes atmosphere. Nonetheless, he does a banter. Moreover, despite the fact that very good job of making the story most of the plot is unbelievably obvi accessible to a nineties audience. ous, it somehow manages to carry you In essence, whilst it's undoubtedly along without ever caring that it's so flawed, this is nonetheless a carefully utterly predictable. Wilde was clearly a big fan of gritty, sllce-of-life realism. constructed, loving recreation, bouyed The other big plus point is Rupert up by Everett's superb performance. Everett, perfectly cast as dapper man- admirably demonstrates that she too are the real let-down, with Driver and Ultimately, however, your take on it about-town Lord Arthur Goring, whose knows how to balance a delightfully Nortam in particular delivering their will depend entirely on whether you flippant, caddish exterior naturally hides over-the-top role, playing the villain of lines in a very stilted fashion, clearly not find Wilde's words sparklingly brilliant or the hero who will ultimately get the the piece, the devious Mrs Cheevely. at home with the style of Wilde's dia- simply irritatingly clever-clever... Q girl and save the day. Juliannc Moore It's the rest of the cast, however, who logue. Dave 26 April 1999 FlliU 17 Reviews & competition

Orgazmo * VIDfcjJfiiAlIi

Starring : Trey Parker, Dian Bachar, Robyn Lynne Raab Director: Trey Parker IPDATE

his is the second feature film The Exorcist from Trey Parker, one of the mak T ers of the infamous animated By finally getting a video release, The series South Park. Not only did he Exorcist is bound to receive a massive write this production but he also 1 amount of media coverage. Sadly, how directed and starred in it - and what a ever, those who go out and rent it in the fantastic job he has done. expectation of a horrific, gory Satan fest Understandably, this film is an adult- will be sorely disappointed. Twenty-Six only comedy as the plot revolves years after its first tour of the cinemas, the around the making of a porno. If the goal-posts have moved to such an extent mention of a porno has grabbed your that a nation of seasoned cincmagoers attention then you will be disappoint won't even find The Exorcist particularly ed, as this is more of a parody than the frightening. actual thing. Nonetheless, it remains a brilliant The main star is Joe Young, (played (and fairly nasty) thriller, taught and claus by Parker) a struggling Mormon from trophobic in its execution, that fully Utah who is in LA preaching the Good deserves the 'classic' tag which it so fre News. He is engaged to be married quently receives. and is having problems getting the Trey Parker.- A master of subtle adult humour. money together to marry his beloved in the Temple in Salt Lake City, until that office hit. Although the film represents makings of a cult classic, as it is so orig is, he stumbles upon the set of everything that his beliefs are against, inal. Parker directs Orgazmo in a freshly A Perfect Orgazmo - an adult movie. Max Orbison he carries on being Captain Orgazmo. interesting style and he also shows who instantly casts our innocent friend from then on, it gets silly, with a Chi great promise as a script writer too. Murder as the leading man. Captain Orgazmo, nese 'home-boy', hamster style martial Most of the people in this film have no is shooting the porno. Orgazmo arts and many cheesy special effects. acting ability at all apart from Parker and Artistically, the virtue of remaking Hitch becomes an over-night success and Even-though this film is a cross a few select others but this just makes cock 90's-stylc with Gwyncth Paltrow and Parker reluctantly finds himself in the between Power Rangers, a Jackie Chan the film funnier. Q Michael Douglas in the leading roles may spotlight when the film becomes a box- film and Boogie Nights, it has all the Helen be dubious, but from a monetary point of view it's got profit written all over it. The directors of re-makes like this always talk about broadening a movie's Win tickets to Plunkett & Macleane with appeal, and in this case it's probably true. Admittedly it's not as good as the origi nal, but the quality of the plot, alongside Douglas' hammy-but-enjoyable evil schtick and some nifty camerawork make for a decent night-in nonetheless.

velvet KENSINGTON Goldmine

Attempting to unite the success of Lock win, simply answer the following ques Oh dear. Once again twan McGregor Stock & Two Smoking Barrels with the tion: proves that just because his name is classic British costume drama, Plunkett & attatched to a movie, it's no guarantee of Macleane is a non-stop rollercoaster of In which movie, due out later this year. quality. Indeed, for every decent movie stylised action and romance. Is Robert Carlyle lined up to play a bad- he's been in, you'll probably find at least It's directed by Jake "son of Ridley" die named Renard alongside Denise one suck-lost. Worse still, by following-up Scott and stars Robert Carlyle and Jonny Richards and John Cleese? his role in The Avengers with a support Lee Miller as a pair of ultra-cool eigh ing performance here, Eddie Izzard is teenth century highwaymen and Liv Tyler Email your answers to [email protected] hardly making the best of his fledgling as the obligatory be-corsetted love inter before Wednesday evening to be in with acting career. est. It's far from serious - slow-motion, a chance of winning. The first ten names Essentially, however, it's director fireworks and dry ice can be found in out of the virtual hat will win a pair of tick Todd I laynes who must shoulder the abundance - so expect cheese, and ets. blame, rather than his stars. He deliber expect a lot of it. Jiilili.I|; Well done to the winners of last ately sets out to make a movie so If you'd like to see the movie for term's Waking Ned competition, who devoted to frenzied 70's-retro styling that free, then we've got ten pairs of tickets all correctly spotted that full Monty star he ignores plot or characterisation - which to give away thanks to those ever-reliable Tom Wilkinson and Four Weddings and leaves two hours of painful glam-rock folks at the Odeon Kensington (you a funeral slat Hugh Grant collaborated costumes, and precious little else. know where it is). So, for your chance to on Sense and Sensibility Dave 18 Games 26 April 1999 X-Wing Alliance (PC)

LucasArts

family who, not being There is a very strong afraid to play dirty when multiplayer element built necessary, conspire to have in to X-Wing Alliance the first rich trading fam which is integrated ily's assets confiscated by through the mission sim the Empire. At this point ulator, and allows you to the family are forced to go more or less build your into hiding and the son own missions. Should you goes off to join the rebel want to you can create a cause. mission to assault a Super Initially you get to fly a Star Destroyer with a fleet of escape ent cockpit interiors, and they have dif Our beloved games editor and I have this couple of light freighter craft, both of pods (Tip Of The Day-you'll fail). If you ferent flight characteristics that need to running argument about which of the which are related to the Millennium Fal don't feel that's hard enough, how about be taken into account in your tactics. Star Wars spacecraft makes the best con, and the first few missions are very setting it in an asteroid field? Or a mine Apparently this game has been in space fighter. Last time we discussed it, much about learning how to use the field? production for at least three years, and he plumped for the B-wing on the extra functions available in these craft. There is a huge range of ships that a large part of that time has gone grounds that it was very tough, well They do very largely replace the training you can build into your missions, from towards a new graphics engine. This armoured although possibly a bit slow. missions in the original X-Wing and Tie static bases (and, peculiarly, a casino) to shows - the graphics are simply superb, My preference is for either the A-wing or Fighter and, despite being wedged into the large capital ships, smaller escorts, especially on a fast PC with a 3D card. The (if I feel like playing on the side of the the storyline, do seem to fit in with what the ubiquitous fighters, various freighters game will run in the earlier missions Empire) the Tie Advanced, both because comes later. Once you have flown a few and transports and the already men using software rendering only, providing they are fast and very manoeuvrable. missions on the family's behalf, the sto tioned escape pods. The types of space you have a bit more RAM in your box, but There has never been any debate about ryline takes you to the Rebels and you ships available have been increased once you Join the rebellion, things will the coolest ship in the Star Wars uni start flying for them. exponentially, and now include all the slow down without a bit of hardware verse though; that honour has always In terms ships from acceleration - there are too many ships gone to the Millennium Falcon. of gameplay the films flying around. LucasArts have appar Now I know full well that many of there are no and the ently claimed that you can have in the you keep back issues of felix in bound- huge previous region of 120 ships fighting it out at leather folders, and quite probably lov advances games, once - the most I've tried it on is about ingly laminate each new edition as soon from X-Wing most of 50 (plus mines), and it's almost as It comes out, so I won't bore you with or Tie those from unplayable then, not due to graphics tales of X-Wing Alliance's predecessors fighter, but the accom- slowdown: more because it's very hard which I (re)reviewed a couple of months the game panying to tell who you should be shooting and ago - look them up for yourselves. X- reeks paya- books, and who you shouldn't. Wing Alliance is the latest in the series, bility. The some It's a very hard game to criticise - and, as you'd expect from LucasArts, is missions are which fucasArts have been at the forefront of pretty damn impressive. varied seem to space combat simulations since they X-Wing Alliance starts shortly after enough for a have been released X-Wing all those years ago, and the destruction of the first Death Star and certain conjured it shows. The lessons from X-Wing Vs Tie the Hoth evacuation and runs to the bat amount of up specifi Fighter have been learnt, and learnt very tle of the second death star above the lateral thinking to be required at times - cally for Alliance. It's tempting to think well, and what we now have is a game planet of Yavin, roughly the same time the best policy is not always to blow that some of these new craft will be that is perfectly balanced between single frame as Tie Fighter, and follows the everything else up - and you certainly making an appearance in The Phantom and multiplayer elements. To sum up - career of the youngest son of a wealthy don't feel as though you are getting into Menace, but I guess we'll have to wait new Star Wars flight sim, state of the art, trading family. This family gets involved a rut which is always a danger In games and see. You can fly most of the fight lots and lots of fun. in a trade war with a second rich trading of this kind. ers, all of which have been given differ Danny

Competition Corner

Commandos - Beyond the Call of Duty and Warzone 2100 for the PC for free

Do you like your war close up and personal or do you prefer a bit of distance between the guts and the guns. Well Eidos have managed to produce two excellent games, Warzone 2100 and Commandos: Beyond the Call of Duty that cover both the air- chair General and the armchair Lieutenant out there.

Eidos have also supplied us with a copy each of these games, and you can be one of the lucky, lucky people to pick up a free copy. Just send the answer the fol lowing question either to [email protected] or pop the answer Into the office on a piece of paper. The first two people out of the hat will win.

The question is: Which two films about blowing things up have Navarone In their title. (Hint Allstalr Maclean has a writing credit on both) 26 April 1999 Games 19 warzone 2100 (PC) Eidos

also want the technologies and fragile tanks. and arc more than willing Later on you get to force the point with a hovercraft and vTOL few well placed bullets. aircraft added to the On your side is a few arsenal. trucks and a handful of Having so many armoured cars. Not the options available most impressive of peace the game could keeping forces, but give have been a real the trucks enough time to nightmare to con build factories and you trol but the simple have your own personal control interface allows you to fight, So apart from the story what can I production line. Make the research, command and build without moan about? Occasionally the Al decides trucks build research labs needing to use twenty keys at once. The that your forces would much prefer to With Tiberian Sun still hidden away and and any remnants picked up along the command interface for instance allows take on the enemy camp straight on Starcraft starting to creak, there is a future way give you improvements such as you to direct a group to fire from various rather than following the safer route for a game that can take the Command tracked vehicles, new weapons, even ranges, change their state of alert or round the back, but the Al both of your and Conquer game ideas, mix them new bits to put on vehicles - like cup even cease fire all within seconds. and the enemy's forces arc still a com about and apply the latest graphics. Well holders. The graphics take the best graphics plete leap ahead of earlier games. There the future's bright, the future's orange for One of the best features is the from this genre and notch it up several is even a command to withdraw forces Warzone 2100. design screen levels. Not after suffering damage, which can save Once again a rogue Al has triggered from where you only can you even the most stupid of generals and is a nuclear exchange, bringing the end of can piece 1 change the also used by the computer forces to pre the world as we know it. As the com together random viewing serve its limited forces. Lor once here is mander of one of the groups of sur bits and bobs, to direction, but a game where engaging in battles of vivors your task is to attempt to bring design incredibly also the ele attrition will fail, yet limited sacrifices are back a little bit of that olde world charm fast scout cars or vation. It's also not heavily penalised. With the addi by finding the remnants of pre-war tech big, bulky can better look tion of a multiplayer option it rolls over nology before the opposition. Did I for non wielding bat ing than the the opposition and crushes them without get to mention that your group was not tle tanks - or if view from a mercy. For those without exams prepare the only bunch of survivors? Out in the you are odd, LI 6 cockpit, to lose sleep, for those with exams I desert, in the cities, and in the mountains slow bulky scouts and twice as take no responsibility for the results. there are other less friendly groups who and small fast clear. Gary S.

Commandos - Beyond the Call of Duty (PC)

for those that missed The graphics are detailed in the a very easy and well thought out control the original commandos, extreme - the lapping of the sea on walls method, it is horrendously difficult even the game features the and beaches on the first level, the seag on the easiest level. It is this reason and actions of a group of very ulls floating by, and the buildings them this alone that will put off all except the special specialists who take selves all create the impression you are most committed of commandos and the very nastiest and dirtiest in a commandos movie. It is not just a strategy fans, lor the average gamcplaycr missions. It is your job to pretty picture though. There is the ability the game loses some of its appeal and guide them from a distance to zoom in and out, and create several gets bogged down in the constant saves and prevent them being windows to monitor more than one area and reloads needed to be able to finish captured, shot and being at once. a situation that you had thought was detected, while completing The sound, while not being perfect, complete, but had just become a big the mission in the shortest does go towards completing the impres dead end. It is a very good game spoilt possible time. sion of a movie, with various stereotypi purely by its difficulty - definitely one for Hint number one : It cal accents taking the voices of the the strategy guys but will not impress This game is hard, very very hard. After might appear to be smart to massacre the different characters - the big hard guy is the action fanatics. several hours of effort on the easiest whole garrison but It is usually not advis a scouser, and the sniper a cool sophis Gary S. level, I managed to sneak my little group able to start an open war while you are ticated upper class gent. The of World War 2 hardened killers, snipers outnumbered and your weapon of other sounds are just aver and explosives experts through the island choice Is a sharp knife. age, but in a game where fortress planting explosives and removing Thus running in and shooting off brain and appropriate action the odd German guard that had looked your pistols arc not the smartest of Ideas, arc the rule you would nol at me in a strange way. but crawling up to people and shooting expect a loud and explosive I got to the extraction beach, blew them in the back with a harpoon gun or soundtrack, the gentle rush the charges and readied the rubber raft sniper rifle is. Unfortunately while a dead of the sea on the beach and to escape the island. It was then I saw the guard can not call his friends, his friends the quiet snap of a silenced minefield just off the beach, discovered tend to get a bit jumpy and will hit the rifle are about as urgent as the island was crawling with guards and panic alert button if they see their buddy you get. that I needed to go back and finish off a with a harpoon in his back. Removing While the game is few of the Anti-aircraft gun positions. bodies from view becomes a big and graphically pretty, has game- Time to reload and try again. messy task. play in abundance and has 20 Sport & Crossword 26 April 1999

Netball Darts Seven Go Mad In Dublin Holland Club Take Brakespear Title

Early on Saturday, 27 March, the seven of with some quality teamwork and Towards the end of last term the inau and any department, CCU or college bar us (GS: Sally May, GA: Sarah Coburn, WA: sequences including Sally's cunning "hop gural season of the Imperial _ . --jCjgfc^- that thinks they can field 8

Paula McGuigan, G Vlkki Revell, WD: Kirstie and shoot" tactics ensuring a resounding i (ill ' ! !,.| IS |i -. ..!( I. U 1 'il every two weeks for Gosland: GD: Rachel Urwin, GK: Alex Haley) 10-8 victory (IC scoring 25% more goals to its thrilling climax, but dui . . .. mo terms and pro\ ido lood . : ' . .... :. left the Union in a somewhat sorry state than trinity as Alex rightly pointed out). By to othei glorious achievi or the players tan enter, for our long awaited Netball Tour to Dublin. the way, Alex finally woke up on Monday ments we were slightly over I 'lease contact Gerry al the Our heads felt like a quiet coach journey, to give it her all against an annoyingly looked. The final game sawjj TNOII Hal on 01 /I v-H 8090 but unfortunately sharing our coach with good GS in the final match. It was a close iCUnited and Southside bat-%| ">'.. .| extension 48090/58090 oi 31 Essex girls was not the ideal remedy for fought affair with us eventually losing to tie out to avoid the 'Wooden

HHr >.-Mi.t: [email protected]. our headaches. With the prospect of six University College Dublin 8-7, leaving us 3rd Spoon'. The result went with iCU-^4HB We look forward to another matches in two days, the odds on all of us overall. nited and the final table can be seen ^1 W league from October 1999 and hope returning alive, injury free and Highlights included Paula's displays below. fully some new teams. Any team that un-hungover were not good. of gymnastic tumbling both on and off After the match the trophies were would like to challenge iCUnited to a On Saturday night we explored the court, once sprawling into the Trinity team awarded with Jeff from iCUnited receiv one off match this term should contact pubs and bars in Dublin and an adventur who were watching from the sidelines. ing the highest score trophy (after a Gerry via the above number. ous three investigated a local club and its Sarah and Vikki perfected their own text play off) with 140 and Ian from the Hol Irish talent well Into the early hours. book version of the IC centre pass, where land club received the highest finish The first match on Sunday was against the ball travelled from the centre circle to with 68. The Btakspear shield was pre Liverpool feds, which we lost 14-7 because the goal in 4 moves completely ignoring sented to (acting) Holland club captain Paula was going to be sick (okay - they the rest of the team. The mystery of "that Pete (below) and the wooden spoon went on to win), and then we played Essex pink stain" on Rachel's airtex was finally going to Nick of Southside. A and won 10-5. In the evening we went solved on the last day when it was identi It is fair to say the league was a suc out for Rachel's birthday meal and seriously fied as Sarah's blackcurrant drink. However, cess with a good laugh had by all, an over-ate, becoming far too fat to fit in one we all became slightly concerned about increased ringing of bar tills and new taxi and having to take two taxis home Paula's growing ability to pass to imaginary friends made. again. 12-foot tall people standing 20 miles Hopefully next year will be better The iCUnited team celebrate victory The next day some of us (Sarah, Vikki, behind other team members. Delusion or Rachel and Sally) were up bright and early, alcohol? We suspect the latter. as Sarah had to umpire the first match. We All in all we had a fantastic tour and Team Played Won Lost Games woo Games lost Points then went on to play two matches in a row, Sally tried on every pair of black trousers in beating Essex B 7-4 and then narrowly los Dublin. Special thanks go to Sarah Coburn Holland dob 8 5 3 75 45 10 ing to Aston 9-7. Impressed by Trinity's for umpiring numerous other matches on sandwich facilities, we were then refu the tour. Remember girls, "What goes on iCUnited 8 4 4 52 68 8 elled with enough energy to play our tour, stays on tour!" (Essex Netball Squad, match of the tournament versus the 1999). hosts - Trinity. Everyone played stormingly Southside 8 3 5 53 6/ 6

CRYPTIC CROSSWORD The winner of last issue's crossword (1141) Is William Dugdale by Sheep Please come into the office to collect your prize. Entries for this week's crossword should be received by 1 pm Wednesday. Across Down

I Comparisons like a missile. (7) 1 I am the cost of the physical body. (7) 5 fold a hundred and fifty one drawing 2 Cipher an unfinished titbit. (5) implements. (7) 3 He cleans in a rural Eden. (7) 9 A rump sail has a pouch. (9) 4 Miles to ooze. (5) 10 Stony heavyweight. (5) 5 Chaotic rope style fabric. (9) II Giving grip is rated badly. (5) 6 Nick hides, not Chris. (5) 12 Animals roam in the planes. (9) 7 Bewilder with annuities suggests 13 Reproduce correctly designer pro something more. (9) tection. 8 Concealed, this in use, sometimes 16 Metal underwear, worn by Gestapo. (5) causes headaches. (7) 17 Know why Rory marrying the Queen 14 The pig-shrine is dying. (9) would be a mistake? (5) 15 Gay ill men could be twin-like. (9) 18 With gaeity, we hear Robin's band 16 A short lived lawsuit contains docu have tea. (9) ments, perhaps. (9) 20 Inhabitants commit a sin in the 17 To make a mistake, as well as many desert. (9) tasks. (7) 23 To answer this without solving it 19 Golden syrup or earl, etc. (7) would be a sweet thing. (5) 21 Uncertain to betroth to fondon 25 A sound one knows, we hear. (5) Transport is to have lived there. (5) 26 Torpid fifty starts the confused noble 22 Places and things we see, we hear. gas beginning before college. (9) (5) 27 Changing points once a day for an 24 Man's best friend is qualified to give attractive spectacle. (7) conviction. (5) 28 With observe and gawk getting flus tered, it percolates slowly. (7)