SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

"Relatable Seinfeld"

written by

Luken Tonjes

SINCERELYLUKEN.COM INT. SEINFELD SET. AFTERNOON.

JERRY SEINFELD AND JASON ALEXANDER ARE STANDING BY THE SNL SET ON BREAK AND LARRY DAVID WALKS UP. NEXT TO HIM IS A NERDY 30 YEAR OLD MAN THAT OBVIOUSLY LIVES WITH HIS MOM.

LARRY

Hey, Jerry.

JERRY

Hey, Larry. What’s up.

FRANCIS

Jerry! Larry! Hilarious!

JASON

Who is this guy?

LARRY

This is Francis.

FRANCIS GIVES AND EXCITED WAVE.

LARRY (CONT'D) He won a radio contest and gets to sit

in for the filming of this episode.

JERRY

Wow, I would only be here if they paid

me. Which they do.

IT WASN’T MEANT TO BE A HILARIOUS JOKE, MORE OF A COMMENT. FRANCIS LAUGHS OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD.

JASON

It wasn’t that funny.

FRANCIS

Shut up, George! "Episode Title" 2.

JASON

Actually my name is-

JERRY

George. George Constanza. (beat)

So, Francis, do you have any questions

about the show? Any questions for me?

FRANCIS

Well, I’m actually a stand-up comic

myself.

JERRY

Really?

JASON (shocked)

Yeah. Really?

FRANCIS

Yes, and I try to be like you. You

know, find relatable stuff. Stuff that

everyone does. Do you want to hear

some of it.

JERRY JASON

I would love to. Actually, we should be

getting back- JERRY LOOKS AT HIM AND SAYS “COME ON” WITH HIS EYES.

FRANCIS PULLS OUT INDEX CARDS FROM HIS BACK POCKET.

JERRY (CONT'D) Oh, so you’re prepared. "Episode Title" 3.

FRANCIS

So this new Facebook thing. You know,

my aunt is on it.

JERRY

So far so good.

FRANCIS GIVES A SMILE AT JERRY AND CONTINUES.

FRANCIS

And I was looking for her the other

day, on facebook. I was looking and

looking and I accidently ended up on

the deep web! Who am I? A child

predator?

JERRY

Woah, woah, how about we take it a

little more light hearted, you know?

Something more easy listening?

FRANCIS

Easy listening. Yeah I can do that.

FRANCIS SCRAMBLES THROUGH HIS INDEX CARDS AND FINALLY LANDS ON ONE.

FRANCIS (CONT'D) Ah, here we go. (beat)

So the other night I had some trouble

sleeping. I was tossing and turning. I

drank warm milk and I counted to about

a thousand sheep. So what did I do? "Episode Title" 4.

JASON (sarcastically)

I don’t know, what?

FRANCIS

I went to my backyard and started

digging! I then got so tired that I

just lied down in the hole and slept!

JERRY

And you said you were going for

relatable?

FRANCIS

Yeah!

JERRY

Listen, Francis-

FRANCIS (distraught)

No, I get it. (beat)

I may not be “Jerry Seinfeld” but I’m

trying you know? You’re my hero. I

just want to make people laugh. I’m

sorry I wasted your time.

FRANCIS BEGINS TO WALK AWAY.

JERRY

Francis!

JASON (Whispers to Jerry)

Jerry, what are you doing? "Episode Title" 5.

JERRY

We would love to hear another one

FRANCIS

Really?

JERRY

Yes.

JASON

We do?

JERRY

Please, tell us just one more.

FRANCIS

Okay, I promise I won’t let you down.

Ready?

JASON

Give me a minute to prepare myself.

FRANCIS

So, I don’t know about you but I love

listening to the radio. On my way to

work, cleaning the house, anything, I

love it. (beat)

And I always try to enter those radio

contests, but I can just never be the

13th caller. I’ll get two phones, get

my buddies involved, everything. I

just can’t win them. (beat) (MORE) "Episode Title" 6.

FRANCIS (CONT'D) But it wasn’t until I was able to shut

down all radio towers from my computer

that I could eliminate the

competition. Then I finally won one!

JERRY

Wow, francis... um...

FRANIC IS SMILING AND LAUGHING AT JERRY.

JASON

Want me to call security.

JERRY

No way, this guy is really onto

something.

JERRY PUTS HIS ARM AROUND FRANCIS AND WALKS AWAY WITH HIM.

JERRY (CONT'D) So tell me more about these radio

contests.

THE END