Bibliotherapy: Using Books to Help Bereaved Children

OMEGA, Vol. 48(4) 321-336, 2003-2004

BIBLIOTHERAPY: USING BOOKS TO HELP BEREAVED CHILDREN

CAROL F. BERNS, PSY.D., CT The Children’s Bereavement Center, Miami, Florida

ABSTRACT

This article explores bibliotherapy as a process in which death-related literature is used to help bereaved children cope with experiences of death and loss. For that exploration, this article defines bibliotherapy, offers an argument in support of its value, and suggests how a potential bibliotherapist might begin. Suggestions are made for selecting and using stories in bibliotherapy. Since most bibliotherapy is actually used as an optional tool in bereavement support groups, guidelines are offered as to how it might best be implemented in that context. Much of this discussion is also relevant to the use of bibliotherapy on a one-to-one basis involving a particular child and an adult guide. Examples of stories and books for children that I have used in bibliotherapy are mentioned throughout this article.

INTRODUCTION

This article is based on our work with bibliotherapy at The Children’s Bereave- ment Center (CBC) in Miami, a peer support program for children (including young people at the ages of elementary school, middle school, high school, and college) and for the adults in their lives. The CBC offers comprehensive bereavement services to children who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling, or significant other. Support group services for the children, as well as for their parents or caretakers, are free of charge. The philosophy of the program is based on a healthful grieving model which enables participants to share their experiences and reduce their isolation. In these ways, the CBC strives to normalize the grief and mourning processes that children may experience. The Center also

321 Ó 2004, Baywood Publishing Co., Inc. 322 / BERNS seeks to help individuals develop adaptive coping behaviors, regain a sense of control and empowerment, maintain their self-esteem, and encourage their trust in the future and in others. Groups are offered weekly and participants choose a weekly or bi-monthly plan. All groups are facilitated by specially trained volunteers who generally “hang out” with the kids and follow their lead on what to do or talk about. The groups are heterogeneous with regard to age and type of death, and are open-ended and semi-structured. Each 90-minute group opens with a welcoming ritual and ends with a closing ritual. The bibliotherapy offering is one of many options available. Other activities might include puppetry, arts and crafts, small group interactions, one-to-one chats, and sports.

CHILDREN, LOSS, AND ADULT GUIDES

Chavis & Weisberger (2003) define loss as the absence of something or someone important within one’s universe. Not surprisingly, when children encounter loss they experience fear, anxiety, and many other grief reactions. Hipp (1995) sought to capture the swirling kaleidoscope of children’s reactions to loss in his description of a “loss pot”: “When people hold back feelings about loss, the feelings get all mixed up inside of them. It is as if all those feelings and hurts go into a big holding tank I call a ‘loss pot.’...Aloss pot is like a stew filled with unpleasant ingredients” (p. 31). In experiencing a wide range of reactions to loss, children are like adults. At the same time, children differ from adults because this may be their first encounter with loss and grief, because they may not understand what is happening as adults do, because they may not be able to communicate their questions and reactions in ways that adults can easily grasp, and because their life experiences may not yet have equipped them to cope with loss and grief in constructive ways. For all of these and other reasons, children who encounter loss may fear that they will be devoured by the intensity of their feelings. For such children, it hurts to know how much they have lost. It also hurts and is scary to hope again. The most important influence on how a child reacts at the time of a loss experience is the response of parents and other significant adults in the child’s life system. Bernstein and Rudman (1989) referred to these significant others as “adult guides” (p. 3), a term which applies to someone offering healthful counsel and direction. Of course, the presence of a caring person in the form of an adult guide cannot ever make up for the specific loss. Nevertheless, it may decrease the isolation and sense of loneliness that loss brings. That is the challenge for an adult guide: to seize the opportunity to be a companion for a child and to be an advocate for his or her feelings, healing, and renewed hope in the future. In many instances, however, adults—especially bereaved adults—are not necessarily well prepared to help children, much less themselves, deal with loss. To help children cope adequately with their loss issues, adult guides need USING BOOKS TO HELP BEREAVED CHILDREN / 323

information. This includes clarification on children’s perceptions, comprehension, and understanding of separation and loss. A review of the literature reveals that young children think in different ways from adults. The information needed by adult guides will not only yield insight into children’s thoughts and behaviors; it will also help adults determine if children are mourning in a healthful way, and identify ways to assist in that journey.

AN EXAMPLE: CONTINUING BONDS

When children are experiencing grief, some of their behaviors may perplex the adults around them. Here is an example in which we can see how one such child acted, how we might understand her behavior, and how storybooks might help both her and the adults around her to discuss what is going on. Marie was eight years old when she came to the Children’s Bereavement Center. Her father had died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 41. Her mother and extended family were very supportive and quite in tune with her needs. She attended our bereavement support group regularly, was open about her thoughts and feelings, and was clear about her likes and dislikes. She would talk freely about her annoyance with friends who would visit and lean on her father’s pool table, or worse yet, the few that actually wanted to use it to play pool. In Marie’s eyes, this was no ordinary pool table; it was her father’s, and by extension, it was her father, and she was NOT about to share it with anyone. As you think about this example, you might ask yourself: Are there any special items around your house (e.g., furniture, treasures, clothing, or books) that belonged to someone you loved who is now dead? These might include possessions that were owned by people like your mother, father, or a grandparent, or things they had given to you. What are those items? What makes them special to you? Do they have a certain feel, smell, activity, or memory connected with them? The research literature (e.g., Klass, Silverman, & Nickman, 1996) is quite clear that both children and adults frequently strive to maintain continuing bonds with their loved ones who have died. Continuing bonds often involve linking objects through which survivors maintain a close connection with the person who died. Properly understood and properly carried out, efforts to maintain continuing bonds with someone who has died do not represent unhealthy or morbid activities. In fact, they can be a constructive and rewarding part of mourning. For our purposes, it is interesting to note that literature for children has explored linking objects and continuing bonds for quite some time. Poppy’s Chair (Hesse, 1993) and Daddy’s Chair (Lanton, 1991) are just two examples of storybooks that describe situations that very much resemble our example of Marie. Three other examples (of many that might be cited) employ symbols to maintain and foster the connection to the person who died. In Bluebird Summer (Hopkinson, 2001), two children work on Grandpa’s farm after Grandma’s death. 324 / BERNS

The children help to nurture the garden and birds that she loved so much. After reading this book with a child, an adult guide might ask questions such as: “Can you tell us something about your [loved one]?” “What was special or important to that person?” “Did you notice in the pictures that the girl is wearing a hat like her grandma’s?” “Whose hat is it?” or “Do you have anything special from [your loved one]?” In The Brightest Star (Hemery, 1998), father and daughter recollect memories of Mom and create a “forever symbol” in the evening sky. Questions to ask might include: “What are your forever symbols?” “Where else might you find these symbols?” “What kind of relationship do the dad and daughter have?” and “Does it remind you of anything?” In The Best Gift for Mom (Klein, 1995), Jonathan doesn’t remember his dad who died when he was a baby, but after hearing lots of stories about him from Mom, he comes up with a surprise holiday gift that includes a memory and message from Dad. This story is ripe for inquiries about memories, thoughts on working moms, honesty, and being happy with simple things. In addition, this story and others like it are excellent introductions to the concept of creating a memory box or other keepsake.

WHAT IS “BIBLIOTHERAPY”?

Definitions of bibliotherapy are plentiful, though they are phrased in various ways and may seem to be quite different. The common thread that appears most often in these definitions is the concept that bibliotherapy is the use of reading materials to bring about some kind of change in affect or behavior. The ways in which materials are used in bibliotherapy may include any literacy activity, including reading (fiction, nonfiction, or poetry), creative writing, or storytelling. For this article, bibliotherapy is defined as the use of any kind of literature by a skilled adult or other interested person in an effort to normalize a child’s grief reactions to loss, support constructive coping, reduce feelings of isolation, and reinforce creativity and problem solving. Sharing tales is older than literacy. Before written language, bards and story- tellers wove the beauty of language into individual and collective experience, giving voice to pain and activating the healing process. Contemporary bibliotherapy is often conducted by practitioners suitably trained in the discipline of uniting the language arts and therapeutic techniques. The focus is on the psyche and the interrelationships of the participants, facilitator, and story. It is essentially an interactive process whose goal is the understanding and expression of the self, utilizing the story as a vehicle to achieve that end. Strategically applied literature is a means to that end, a catalyst. Whenever or however bibliotherapy is practiced, participants who become involved in responding to a story, its characters, and the situation it describes begin to find ways to feel safe in exploring their inner selves. In this way, children are able to process, either on their own or in a group, what USING BOOKS TO HELP BEREAVED CHILDREN / 325

took place in the story, along with the feelings and reactions they may have about the issues presented. The effectiveness of the bibliotherapeutic process involves a skilled adult who can use books to help children in many ways (Jalongo, 1983; Oberstein & Van Horn, 1988; Pardeck & Pardeck, 1989): • to gain some distance from their own affect, focus outside of themselves, and express thoughts, ideas, and feelings; • to lessen feelings of isolation and increase a sense of companionship; • to identify similarities and differences in relation to the story’s characters; • to gain insight into their own life situation, and to develop creative and critical thinking; • to validate their thoughts and feelings; and • to develop empathy with others when bibliotherapy is used in a group format. Pardeck and Pardeck (1993) defined four aspects of the bibliotherapy process that are essential in order for the process to be successful: identification, selection, presentation, and follow-up. Each aspect must be guided by a skilled adult and is equally important. • Identification of the child’s issues and emotions requires a need for particular sensitivity on the part of the bibliotherapist. • Selection draws upon a knowledge of the appropriate materials and resources available in order to identify those that will best serve the child’s needs. • Presentation calls for skill in timing and in the introduction of the literary materials. • Follow-up involves some kind of follow-up activity, conversation, and/or emotional exploration of the materials that have been shared; in many ways, follow-up is the most crucial stage in the process because without such follow-up the process is merely a reading, without preserving any kind of therapeutic validity.

WHY BIBLIOTHERAPY?

Children may have difficulty in defining and verbalizing their thoughts, feelings, and other aspects of their loss experiences. When that is so, we have found that children may be more inclined to share in these ways through a third person or the safe distance of a storybook character, cartoon, or animal. Children can then talk about the characters rather than about themselves directly. It really is not very surprising that when children and their families meet with difficulties in their daily life, or when they encounter life-altering experiences such as death, secondary losses, and life change, reading about others with similar situations or experiences can help them feel less isolated, fearful, or awkward, and more hopeful. In these ways, children become aware that they are 326 / BERNS

not alone in their feelings and that perceived problems are shared by others (Pardeck, 1990; Timmerman, Martin, & Martin, 1989). Bibliotherapy is helpful to bereaved children in three primary ways: • Through identification, the child comes to identify with a book’s characters and events, whether they are real or fictional. • Through catharsis, the child becomes emotionally involved in the story and is able to release pent-up emotions within a safe environment. • Through insight, the child (with help from an adult guide or a group facilitator) becomes aware that his or her problems might be addressed or cleared up as the child identifies possible solutions for both the book’s characters and for his or her own issues. The process through which bibliotherapy leads to healing is quite simple, yet profound. By sharing the experiences and feelings of another individual as they are expressed in a story, we gain a better understanding of those feelings. The door is opened for insight, clarity, understanding, and a sense of camaraderie. A story shared provides a link between us, a sense of unity, as well as a common frame of reference. Each story calls forth other memories, thoughts, and con- nections from past to present, and sometimes on into the future. The cup of human companionship is passed among all who dwell in this certain place at this specific time (Gersie, 1991). For example, The Healing Tree (Hemery, 2001) nicely illustrates how children of different ages will respond to symbolism—some in the abstract, others very concretely. Although the story is somewhat wordy, the pictures and message of longevity and healing are valuable. “And someday, the tree will heal from lightning. There will be a scar on the tree forever. But the tree will go on living and give us shade in the summer” (p. 15). This story was helpful to two children in our groups: Marjory, age 11, who spoke of the scar in her heart, the one that is a reminder, the kind no one sees; and five-year-old Jesse who wanted to tell stories about boo-boos on his knees that his mom wasn’t around to fix. One goal of bibliotherapy is to move the understanding of what has happened beyond the personal toward the transpersonal. In this way, the experience is placed into a larger framework. For example, one might share a story which relates to the current situation of the readers, or one might refer to events in the life of a storybook character that are similar to those in our own lives. Reassurance is found in the awareness that children in other places encountered parallel sorrows, and were able to live through their pain and heal. Stories may also offer a child some ideas about how to approach his or her own situation. Still, it is important not to try to overemphasize the similarities between the characters in the story and the child or children who are sharing the story. For this purpose, one should acknowledge that everyone handles death differently. Some children may express grief by crying or laughing—perhaps because the child is nervous or trying to suppress his or her feelings. Other children might become USING BOOKS TO HELP BEREAVED CHILDREN / 327

angry or act out their reactions to the story and/or to their own situations. In these circumstances, adult guides can reassure a child that there is no single right way to cope with his or her grief, and that there is no truly wrong way to cope with grief—with the sole exception of responses to loss that are directly harmful to the particular child or to others around that child. The bibliotherapist offers the gift of a story told to the children, for the children, here and now. The tapestry of fellowship is offered and is greatly appreciated when suffering the “alones” of grief. Occasionally, children may appear disinter- ested or distracted. This may partly result from difficulties they may be experiencing in memory or concentration, especially among the newly bereaved. Do not fret; many children absorb a lot of information with their back toward the storyteller. The beneficial effects of bibliotherapy may not be seen for some time. You must trust the process. Have confidence that bibliotherapy will lighten a listener’s sorrow and that it will spark a renewed interest and trust in the world, as well as hope for the future. Bibliotherapy is a tool. Like many other tools, it can be employed in many ways, either independently or along with other modes of intervention. For example, bibliotherapy can stand on its own or be an adjunct to other forms of individual or group therapy. Bibliotherapy offers resources for comfort, healing, and growth. It can be especially valuable in assisting children who are coping with the emotional upset related to a real-life situation. An evocative story serves as a springboard for discussion and dialogue.

HOW TO BEGIN

Acknowledge your enthusiasm, and maybe a little uneasiness, as you begin this very exciting, stimulating, and memorable trek. After investigating bibliotherapy as a strategy for working with children, determine if you want to learn more about it and invest energy in it. With a passion for storytelling, a creative and spontaneous flair, and some sensitivity to the needs of bereaved children, you are ready to begin. Start with a piece that is non-threatening. Shel Silverstein’s poems, “Invitation” and “Sick” (Silverstein, 1974, pp. 9, 58-59), are wonderful examples of easy-to-read, easy-to-hear literature. In “Invitation,” the listener is welcomed as a dreamer, a wisher, a “hope-er,” and a magic-bean buyer. These seven brief lines open the door for bibliotherapy, and are often used as a comfortable ritual to begin support group sessions. “Sick” is a delightful piece from little Peggy Ann, who feigns illness (measles, mumps, a rash, a gash, and purple bumps) until she realizes that it’s Saturday and makes an immediate “recovery.” I have never met a child who doesn’t hoot and holler about this poem or is unable to relate to its theme. Questions following this piece might include: “Anybody ever ‘make up’ a tummy ache?” “What was that all about?” “What do you think Peggy Ann might have been thinking while she was under the covers?” or “Are there times you want to stay under the 328 / BERNS covers?” By talking about this poem, the children will begin talking about themselves, initially enveloped in the safety of humor. If they are comfortable, they will then talk further about their own means of hiding out or escape. Some may view this piece as an avoidance poem, but for purposes of working with children, your job is to open the door, invite participation, guide, and support. Bibliotherapy (especially when used in a bereavement group setting) seeks to be therapeutic, not full-scale therapy. Although death is a serious subject, it may also have funny aspects. Humor and giggles are sometimes more therapeutic in working with kids and helping them than solemn and somber words. Remember that these are children, not short adults.

SELECTING STORIES FOR BIBLIOTHERAPY

Adult guides should take care in selecting and using stories in bibliotherapy. Some stories have more to offer for this purpose, while others raise problematic issues and may not be so useful. Books used in bibliotherapy should have literary merit and be useful as a tool for self discovery, communication, and change. Each book’s tone should match the mood or theme of the story. Terminology should be accurate and honest, using words such as “died,” “dead,” “sorrow,” and “funeral.” Types of stories that have been shown to have the greatest potential for enrichment include traditional tales, folk tales, fairy tales, and Biblical parables; autobiographical or biographical stories; song lyrics; and fiction. It is not difficult to gather stories, books, and poetry that will appeal to elementary school-aged children and also be effective in generating discussion. After a few bibliotherapy groups, you will be amazed at how many children will be volunteering their favorite stories. This is often a great way to expand your own bookshelf ideas. I would encourage children to share their favorite books with a group facilitator or other adult. However, each book must be read and re-read by the adult guide, especially for appropriateness in content and theme, before it is used. Many libraries, book companies, and on-line book services have bibliographies. These may provide a good start, although many annotations only give an overview or character identification and fall short by excluding actual text that would be inappropriate for use in a bereavement group setting. If we meet someday and you ask me to recommend a book for a child (and yes, this happens quite often), I would likely ask you numerous questions: How old is the child? Who died? How did that person die? How was the child told about the death? Does the child have a support system? Siblings? Special interests or talents? I would continue asking questions like this until I had enough information to make an informed estimate on which to base an appropriate recommendation. This is also how you will select stories for your groups. Make a USING BOOKS TO HELP BEREAVED CHILDREN / 329 mental note of the children in your group, ask yourself these questions, and search for good literature. One of my favorite books is Ode to Humpty Dumpty (Ziefert, 2001). This is a charming blend of the traditional Humpty Dumpty rhyme with beautiful pastel drawings, new characters, and a good-humored, heartfelt memorial to the town’s most valued citizen. It is an outstanding example of ritual and tribute; a great springboard for discussions about funerals, memorials, commemorative activities, and how a community unites and openly shares its grief. The text is filled with discussion opportunities from “The King knew Humpty would never get better. He cried ‘til his eyes got redder and redder,” to “Now we have Humpty [memorialized] in house, song and tree, Humpty now lives in loving memory.” One word of caution: I would not use this story with a child who suffered the death of a loved one due to a fall or one who had significant physical damage. Any book that uses euphemisms such as “passed away,” or language such as “getting over,” “moving on,” “resolution,” “expired,” or “closure” should be excluded. Another big red flag is any allusion to death as sleep. I am not sug- gesting that one should throw the baby out with the bathwater; I am taking note of warning signs. If you have a great book that has other redeeming features, then get creative and use it. Be sure, however, to develop a strategy or technique for sharing the book without the dangerous word or concept. A good example of a book containing a line that causes me to be wary is Buscaglia’s (1982) widely-acclaimed The Fall of Freddie the Leaf. Near the end of this book, Freddie has fallen on a clump of snow at the end of his leaf life. At that point, the text reads: “He closed his eyes and fell asleep.” Consider how this might lead children to confuse death with sleep, and to become afraid that they will die when they take a nap or crawl into bed in the evening. I would suggest that if you want to use this allegory about nature, life, and death, do so, but leave out the reference to sleep. Mellonie and Ingpen’s Lifetimes (1983) is a well-known book that explains death from a lifecycle perspective. That concept is universal. It offers a valuable metaphor and one that is appealing to children, especially to those children who live in places where there is no significant change of seasons. More importantly, the lifecycle perspective used in Lifetimes does not promote confusion between death and sleep. Two outstanding stories where friends help each other are Geranium Morning (Powell, 1990) and Rachel and the Upside Down Heart (Douglas, 1990). Both offer an opportunity to discuss a sense of camaraderie with other children, and the way that helping another also helps yourself. These books are great for discussions about friendship, mutual experiences, traditions, sharing memories, and how time helps lighten the pain. Obvious questions that arise include: “What do you think about this story?” “Why was the tradition important?” “How would you feel about moving?” and “Who is your closest friend, and why?” 330 / BERNS

USING STORIES IN BIBLIOTHERAPY

Children can come to significant self-understanding through exploring what they find, and particularly in telling about a story that has been told or recom- mended to them, or that they have found memorable. Even when several children and adults share in exploring the same story, each person will be unique in the feature or meaning that has engaged that individual. Reflecting on that unique response can deepen the appreciation of the story and enrich its meaning for the child. Discussing stories in this way can also serve the critical function of providing children opportunities to discuss and express their own personal experiences (Schank, 1990). Strategies that help children explore and reflect on what makes the story special for them include probing questions, such as: • What picture comes into your mind? • What memories come to mind? • Are you like any of the characters? Who? How? • Is there any way you would like to change the story, and if so, how would you alter the characters, the setting, the issues, or the ending? • Is there any part of the story that should absolutely stay the same? • Have you changed any perception or understanding as a result of the story? Follow-up questions about possible changes to the story that might invite further exploration include: • How might the change that you would make affect the outcome of the story? • What makes the change seem so important to you and/or why do you feel so strongly about not making any change in this story? • In the story, who do you want to be, and why? • If the author knew me, what do you think he or she might have said? Let the children initiate some aspects of the discussion and do some of the questioning. In that way, you can obtain some interesting insights into what each child knows, fantasizes, and might be thinking.

USING BIBLIOTHERAPY IN CHILDREN’S BEREAVEMENT GROUPS

At our Children’s Bereavement Center and perhaps in many other similar situations, bibliotherapy usually takes place in a group setting. The group approach allows participants to share common experiences, thus lessening anxieties. It also allows for the acknowledgment of differences, the creation of a feeling of belonging, and enhancement of a sense of security. As a group modality, bibliotherapy provides an opportunity to serve several children simultaneously, thereby making the best use of limited resources while USING BOOKS TO HELP BEREAVED CHILDREN / 331 tapping the dynamics of the group process (Homeyer, 2000). More importantly, it becomes, in essence, a mutual aid system when the responses to a story by one member are enriched because someone else shared an idea that triggered or reinforced an insight or acknowledgment. However therapeutic it may be to read a story alone, there are additional dimensions of understanding and healing when bibliotherapy is undertaken in a group or with a facilitator. For example, some children who lack the skills to verbalize their feelings may feel embarrassed about discussing their loss, and may react cautiously to a one-on-one situation. If so, the group format provides a sense of belonging, cohesion, and camaraderie (Jones, 2001). In a group, one also gains further understanding and richness from exploring reactions in thoughtful discussion (VanMeenen & Rossiter, 2002). In addition, through group work and the stimulation of critical thinking one develops better self awareness, additional problem solving skills, enhanced self concept, and improved personal and social judgment. Hynes and Hynes-Berry (1986) posit three very significant kinds of insight that participants can experience as a result of the varied responses that come from group discussion. First, the dialogue offers an important insight into the universality of feelings. Second, a participant may gain a fresh insight as he or she realizes that it is possible to understand a topic or issue in very different ways. Third, the dialogue can provide an opportunity for reality testing. Observing other children within groups as they engage in discussion of a story often draws in the quieter, more solitary child or the child who needs help in breaking through his or her resistance to the bibliotherapeutic process. When it is used in support groups for bereaved children, bibliotherapy is a tool that can enable facilitators to initiate communication and interaction with and among bereaved children. In that way, bibliotherapy provides opportunities for healing that come from reliving, expressing, and sharing one’s experiences. At our Center, we do not think of bibliotherapy or recommend it for its own sake. Instead, we use it as an adjunct to the other activities in our groups, an important option that we can call upon to facilitate the work of our children’s bereavement support groups. In presenting stories to children, I encourage them to relax, listen, and take chances. I had studied and known some things in advance about working with children and bibliotherapy; others were instinctive and felt like a “sixth sense.” Above all, allow children to brainstorm ideas without judging them; take their thoughts and feelings seriously. Bibliotherapy does not prescribe meanings, nor is it a form of direct teaching; it is more an invitation and permission-giving to children to unveil wisdom and insight that might otherwise be squelched. I help them do this by removing obstacles, such as the need to have the right answer, and by encouraging them to unleash their spontaneity, feelings, and awareness. One caution: while bibliotherapy as it is employed in a group setting is successful for many issues and can encourage positive change within children, it is 332 / BERNS

not a cure-all for deep psychological problems and it may not be appropriate for some children. For a variety of reasons, some children do not feel comfortable with this process and do not do well in a group setting.

THE ROLE OF THE GROUP FACILITATOR

Before undertaking bibliotherapy, a facilitator must remember that this process involves more than a casual reading circle. Bibliotherapy is a deliberate course of action and strategy that requires prudence and cautious planning because it has the potential for opening extensive discussions and exposing tender feelings. In our Center, we have found that the ideal situation is for a male and a female to co-facilitate a bereavement group. This provides a valuable construct in which the co-facilitators represent the healthy parent dyad in the presence of symbolic siblings (other group members). Since each of our programs has several volunteer facilitators available, we also have an extra volunteer on hand during the storytelling time. That person can step in if a child wants to leave the group or needs some adult guidance, support, and supervision. For bibliotherapy with bereaved school-aged children, a facilitator needs to have a thorough understanding of childhood bereavement. This includes, but is not limited to: • developmental issues and the cognitive abilities of children; • factors and variables that affect grief; • how grief is or might be manifested in children; • risk factors that might lead to negative outcomes in bereaved children; • signs and symptoms that indicate excessive stress; and • factors that contribute to successful interventions. In addition, facilitators and adult guides would benefit from some formal training in bibliotherapy and the expressive arts. If none is available, the guide ought to be in contact with a supervisor familiar with bibliotherapeutic skills with bereaved children. Certainly, all group facilitators and adult guides who seek to become involved in bibliotherapy with bereaved children should also possess a sincere love of children, strong critical and creative thinking, and a passion for literature. According to Hynes and Hynes-Berry (1986), a bibliotherapist should exhibit the necessary therapeutic attitudes of empathy, respect, and genuineness. A bibliotherapist who is genuine is also self-aware. People who possess these qualities know themselves well enough to be able to put their own needs aside so that they can listen actively and accurately to individual children or group participants who are introduced to bibliotherapy, and develop a rapport with such children. As important as it is to be aware of verbal messages, one must also check on nonverbal cues. Frowns, grimaces, and looks of fear or sadness, as well as sighs of relief or enthusiasm, are all important. Finally, group facilitators USING BOOKS TO HELP BEREAVED CHILDREN / 333

are responsible for maintaining appropriate social and procedural boundaries, as well as for insuring that the children respect the confidentiality of the group process.

SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR CONDUCTING BIBLIOTHERAPY IN GROUPS

The facilitator should carefully read and re-read the materials beforehand. He or she will want to be familiar with the book and be aware of its content, metaphors, themes, symbols, and character development. Characters should be believable so the children can empathize with their life situations. The plot should be realistic, and the problems that it poses should be solved with creativity. We encourage facilitators to be creative in their own thinking as they look for interesting and hidden themes in a story. In a typical group setting, we seat children informally in a circle around or in front of the reader. We allow the children to choose where they want to sit, and encourage them to sit near a friend if possible. The group is comprised of boys and girls who have all suffered the death of a loved one either recently or at some time in the past. The facilitator will then welcome the group warmly, introduce the main concept, and try to excite or motivate the children to participate. We stress that children are invited to participate. We never force a child to become part of the story group. Instead, we remind group members that if ever they feel they do not want to engage in certain exercises, they do not have to. We have seen many children who initially appear to be on the outside of the group, who, by the end, are active participants. This is not school; don’t make it feel that way. Nevertheless, we have usually found that—after an initial adjustment period, a time of getting the “lay of the land” with bibliotherapy—most children enjoy participating. Typically, they are able to express thoughts and feelings in a non-threatening way by focusing on the book characters rather than on themselves. An effective story can offer a personal encounter with characters that have similar life experiences and emotions. Such a story can be read and reread, thereby becoming a kind of transitional object and an ongoing resource for a bereaved child (Jones, 2001). We take care to provide ample time for reading. Ample time is necessary because discussion may occur throughout the storytelling. Never begin a book when you are rushed for time or near the end of a group session. This is not story time. This is a process that has a plan: an opening, a discussion, and a closing. You might consider introducing the name of the book before you begin to read its contents. If so, you could at that point ask some fact-finding and open-ended questions that the children can listen for throughout the reading. For example, questions in The Dead Bird (Brown, 1965) might be: “How do we know the bird is dead?” “What do you think it will be like for the friends to find the bird?” 334 / BERNS

“What do you think they will do for the bird and for each other?” and “What would you do if you found a dead bird?” Read the book aloud from cover to cover. As you do so, think about factors such as pace, pronunciation, and pauses that contribute to effective reading. Take your time, speak clearly, pause for dramatic effect, and allow time for absorption of text. Rehearse difficult names and phrases. Consistency in pronouncing a character’s name is important. Avoid stumbling over certain words. Vary your tone of voice, and make eye contact with the children throughout the reading. If it seems appropriate to your goals or to the needs of the children in the group, you might consider reading the story slowly while stopping periodically to ask questions along the way. If so, you can then summarize what has occurred thus far, or ask a child to do this. You can also briefly examine themes such as where the story is going or how it feels so far. Take care, however, not to get bogged down or lose the “message” by focusing on petty points or details. Upon completion of the reading, remain silent for 5 or 10 seconds. Take a break and allow time for silence, incubation, and reflection on the material. See what happens; who talks first, what is said, and what is the affect of the group? If no one speaks, nod your head gently and present an open-ended comment or question (i.e., “Hmmm, quite a story” or “Wow, what a situation”). Follow-up discussion time is crucial. At first, use simple questions about what the children have observed in the story. Then, employ probing, open-ended questions that call for critical thinking in order to move the discussion from literal recall of information to interpretation, analysis, synthesis, and evaluation of the material. The children’s developmental age and understanding of the concepts of death will be evident here. Younger children may respond in concrete terms, while older children will be better able to think abstractly (as we observed in the examples of five-year-old Jesse and 11-year-old Marjory that were mentioned earlier). Upon completion of the story, begin with an open-ended remark, such as “Are there any thoughts or ideas about the story, things you liked, didn’t like?” Then, if the story has a theme addressed by the group (i.e., returning to school), the next questions can reflect that theme. If a participant makes an observation or reveals a personal issue or memory, the facilitator can ask a non-directive question, such as “Would you like to talk more about that?” Reflecting and connecting metaphoric material may take place throughout the story. Of course, some children need more direction. So, the facilitator might focus on a particular piece or event in the story in an open-ended way. Some typical questions for discussion might be: “What is your reaction to this story or to this character?” “What are some of the messages the writer wanted us to get?” or “Does this story or any part of it remind you of something you have experienced?” It is often helpful to raise issues in the discussion that have a future orientation. For example, “If you could rewrite the end what might you USING BOOKS TO HELP BEREAVED CHILDREN / 335

do?” or “What do you think will happen to the characters in the story in the next few days, few weeks, few years?” Throughout the discussion, facilitators will want to identify similarities and differences in character observation or coping styles as a source of awe and inspiration. When commonality occurs it is noted, but not necessarily applauded. Just as each child grieves in his or her own way and at his or her own pace, so also does each have his or her own capacity to problem solve or posit ideas that feel right for the specific individual. For this reason, we encourage facilitators to avoid direct answers to problem inquiries. This is not incompatible with genuine warm interest in a child’s comments, and the constant acknowledgment that the courage involved in expressing one’s thoughts and feelings is respected and valued. A successful group is one in which the facilitator encourages brainstorming and the free flow of ideas and associations. Each contribution is important and valued. Judgments that might be placed on any of the ideas that the children offer are discouraged. Even revenge fantasies are allowed to be heard. It is important to add that there needs to be some sort of closing to your bibliotherapy time. You may end with a summary of statements, thoughts, and feelings, or a review of the issues that have been discussed. If it seems that the children want to talk further or re-read the book, indicate that they can do so next time. A ritual closing is important; it can be accomplished with a poem, a line or two from the book read that evening, or a statement to the effect that when we meet again, we can share our story, hear someone else’s story, or create a new story.

CONCLUSION

Not to educate ourselves and our children about our relationship with death means not educating ourselves and our chidlren about life. In fact, it is dangerous to fail to educate ourselves and children about life and death. That is not because sooner or later we all will die. The real reason for learning about death and loss is because they profoundly affect the quality of our life right now, both before and after we have become bereaved. The best preparation for bereavement is death education. The best preparation for life is to relate death to our ways and values of living. And isn’t that what the bereaved are doing—creating a new life story, without their lost loved one?

REFERENCES

Bernstein, J., & Rudman, M., (1989). Books to help children cope with separation and loss (Vol. 3). New York: R. R. Bowker. Brown, M. W. (1965). The dead bird. New York: HarperCollins. Buscaglia, L. (1982). The fall of Freddie the leaf. Thorofare, NJ: Slack. Chavis, G., & Weisberger, L. (2003). The healing fountain. St. Cloud, MN: North Star Press. Douglas, E. (1990). Rachel and the upside down heart. Los Angeles: Price Stern Sloan. 336 / BERNS

Gersie, A. (1991). Storymaking in bereavement. London: Jessica Kingsley. Hemery, K. M. (1998). The brightest star. Omaha, NE: Centering Corp. Hemery, K. M. (2001). The healing tree. Omaha, NE: Centering Corp. Hesse, K. (1993). Poppy’s chair. New York: Scholastic. Hipp, E. (1995). Help for the hard times: Getting through loss. Center City, MN: Hazelden. Homeyer, L. E. (2000, September). When is group play therapy appropriate? Psychi- atric Times, 17(9), 49-51. Hopkinson, D. (2001). Bluebird summer. New York: Greenwillow Books/ HarperCollins. Hynes, A. McC., & Hynes-Berry, M. (1986). Bibliotherapy: The interactive process: A handbook. Boulder, CO: Westview Press. Jalongo, M. (1983). Bibliotherapy: Literature to promote socioemotional growth. Reading Teacher, 36(8), 796-803. Jones, E. H. (2001). Bibliotherapy for bereaved children: Healing reading. London: Jessica Kingsley Publications. Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. L. (Eds.). (1996). Continuing bonds: New understandings of grief. Washington, DC: Taylor & Francis. Klein, L. (1995). The best gift for mom. New York: Paulist Press. Lanton, S. (1991). Daddy’s chair. Rockville, MD: Kar-Ben Copies. Mellonie, B., & Ingpen, R. (1983). Lifetimes. New York: Bantam Books. Oberstein, K., & Van Horn, R. (1988). Books can help heal: Innovative books in bibliotherapy. Florida Media Quarterly, 13(2), 4-11. Pardeck, J. T. (1990). Using bibliotherapy in clinical practice with children. Psycho- logical Reports, 67, 1043-1049. Pardeck, J. A., & Pardeck, J. T. (1989). Bibliotherapy: A tool for helping preschool children deal with developmental change related to family relationships. Early Child Development and Care, 37, 107-129. Pardeck, J. A., & Pardeck, J. T. (1993). Bibliotherapy: A clinical approach for helping children. New York: Routledge. Powell, E. S. (1990). Geranium morning. Minneapolis, MN: CarolRhoda Books. Schank, R. C. (1990). Tell me a story. New York: Scribner’s. Silverstein, S. (1974). Where the sidewalk ends. New York: Harper & Row. Timmerman, L., Martin, D., & Martin, M. (1989). Augmenting the helping relationship: The use of bibliotherapy. School Counselor, 36, 293-297. VanMeenen, K., & Rossiter, C. (Eds.). (2002). Giving sorrow words: Poems of strength and solace. Pembroke Pines, FL: National Association for Poetry Therapy Foundation. Ziefert, H. (2001). Ode to Humpty Dumpty. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

Direct comments to: Carol F. Berns, Psy.D., CT e-mail: [email protected]