000NAG – E3 Supplement 2012
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AUGUST 2012 at A FREE SUPPLEMENT ON THE MOST EXCITING SHOW IN GAMING No gimmicks, just games! Editor’s note Editor’s itor’s n t E3E3 o r ’ s Pico D.E.A.T.H. Operation Natural History Museum LosLo Angeles county Geoff BurrowsTHREE (words), LaurenIDIOTS Das Neves (words), ABROAD Dane RemendesTheatreThT AND(words) & ChrisA FISHSavides (art TACOdirection) 2:402:40pm400pm00pp MoMon 6/4/2012 INT. FLIGHT KL591. JUNE 09, 2012, 16:00. DARK. 3N $16.75 The MUTED ROAR of jet engines. The scene begins with a tight shot on a pair of feet clad in black socks. It slowly pans up, Booth revealing an off-white blanket wrapped tightly around the seated babes around his waist. His arms are bound within fame of walk Hollywood the cloth, folded across his chest. The camera Planes, continues to pan up, revealing the man’s head trains, – the only thing that’s visible outside of buses, the blanket. His neck is securely hugged by an in taxis. with a sleeping mask. fl fi The camera cuts atable across air thepillow. aisle. His CHRIS eyes gure. (AKAare coveredWe see a belt lashed SAVAGE) is seated next to LAUREN. He turns to her while pointing at the CHRIS Hah, look at Geoff. He looks like Hannibal Lector, strapped up like that. LAUREN I think Geoff has taken so many sleeping GEOFF tablets and melatonin that he could sleep Must be your Greek blood. through an attack by Hannibal Lector. fi By gure. CHRIS I wonder if it’s Geoff’s British LOL Geoff, you so silly. blood that makes him so terri rollercoasters. (LAUGHS) Like that crazy chick on the GEOFF bus, when we were coming back from Venice “Terror” is maybe a bit much. I’d say LAUREN Beach. that rollercoasters and I just have an understanding. EXT. UNIVERSAL STUDIOS THEME PARK – JURASSIC GEOFF PARK RIDE. MIDDAY. I’m still awake, by the way. Also LAUREN GEOFF, LAUREN and CHRIS are standing in a never speak of Venice Beach ever queue to enter the Jurassic Park ride. The again. What a mission. queue winds back and forth until it goes off-frame. The three are standing close LAUREN to the front. What? It only took, like, two hours on fi fi ed of ve different busses to get back. CHRIS And a taxi ride. I honestly thought we’d never make it back to the hotel. The I think we might’ve jumped the queue. route looked so f*@%ing short on the map. GEOFF Yeah, those people look like they’ve been And apparently Inglewood is a place here for a while. where you don’t want to end up. I think CHRIS we narrowly avoided rape at least seven times. I also have no idea where they came from; our queue started, like, just back They look around in the attempt to LAUREN LAUREN there. Right? out the queue system when a PARK ATTENDENT, I’m just glad that we bought those wearing a brown InGen uniform, calls them hoodies at the beach. That place was forwards to join in the next group. He points cold. towards a raft. GEOFF GEOFF Man, such strange weather in LA. When we went to Universal the next day, I boiled. My nose is actually peeling from sunburn. Wait, is this a water ride? CHRIS I never burn. Yes, Geoffrey. You will get wet. 4 GEOFF That might explain that splashing, fi E3 2012 screaming sound I hear every few gure minutes. LAUREN www.nag.co.za You getting scared? GEOFF I’m just starting to think that it’s a good thing we put the camera and stuff away in the lockers. CHRIS The PARK ATTENDENT seats LAUREN in the front It’s not too late for you to join them. row, CHRIS behind her and GEOFF two rowsGEOFF back. LAUREN CHRIS Guys? Why am I in the front? Oh no, I’m going to get so wet. E3 UnitedUnit States of AmericaA ed S memeri 5 tate ca 099 20 s GamesAF 099518:2018:18 A16 e 15D ght FlightFli GateGat GEOFF time I saw the queue any shorter than This is starting to seem a little bit wrapping around the entire Disney booth. more fair. INT. E3 MEDIA ROOM. Day 2, 13:00. EXT.EXT. JURASSIC PARK RIDE EXIT. SHORTLY AFTER. We see the three seated on beanbags in the WeWe seese the three walking out of the gift shop crowded media room. They’re eating pre-packed attachedattacattac to the ride’s exit. LAUREN hustles to lunches. They look tired. thethe nearestn sunny spot, takes off her cap and wringswring it out. Water falls to the fl oor. Her GEOFF sshirthirt and pants are soaked. It’s so good to eat some veggies. LAUREN LAUREN I told you. You should’ve gone to the 2K stand earlier; they had all sorts of healthy CHRIS snacks, hey Savage? That wasn’t so bad; I’m barely wet at all. How was it, Geoff? CHRIS Ah man, it was awesome there. I GEOFF don’t even remember what game we I’m mostly dry, but I think I hurt my went to go see. back from straining against the seat so hard. LAUREN Have you got any decent swag yet? CHRIS (LAUGHS) GEOFF I’ve got a couple of things. Got a LAUREN Borderlands shirt earlier and a Spec Ops Come, Savage, are we going on the shirt yesterday which I basically lied my Transformers ride now? way into getting. CHRIS CHRIS Ja, let’s go check it out. You keen, Hah! What did you do? Geoff? GEOFF GEOFF I saw a bunch of people playing Spec Ooo, I don’t know. All that Jurassic Park Ops but I had already played it; I just ride did was basically re-affi rm why I wanted the shirt. So I went to that bus don’t like rollercoasters. thing that they had and the chick was, like, “Did you play our demo today?” The scene fades. and I said “Yup. Size medium please”. Blatant lie. INT. AIRCRAFT CABIN. SHORTLY AFTER. DARK. An AIR HOSTESS walks past, checking on the LAUREN passengers. You’re defi nitely going to hell for that. CHRIS GEOFF I swear; I shouldn’t have chosen this It’s worth it for a free shirt. movie. That hostess must think I’m some sort of perv. The scene fades. LAUREN INT. AIRCRAFT CABIN. SHORTLY AFTER. DARK. What are you watching? *RESHOT FOR PRODUCT PLACEMENT* CHRIS LAUREN It’s called Shame. It’s about a dude who’s (LAUGHING) a sex addict. Every time someone walks past my screen it’s showing some raunchy What an awesome trip. three-way. CHRIS GEOFF Sometimes it’s fun to be a games journalist. I watched John Carter earlier, it’s not bad. GEOFF It’s always fun to be a games journalist. CHRIS Yeah; it’s a Disney movie but it’s pretty CUE HAPPY FAMILY MUSIC good. Not too kiddy. CHRIS LAUREN It’s not so fun when you don’t have the Oh my god, remember those Epic Mickey sponsors willing to send us on these Oswald bunny ears that we tried to get trips. at E3? I swear I tried every day to get a pair. I wanted to get one that said LAUREN NAG on it. Yeah, big thanks go out to BT Games and Megarom. Without them, this supplement GEOFF would never have been this epic. Those queues were mental. CHRIS LAUREN Woo! Thanks BT and Megarom. You rock! We should’ve just gone on the fi rst day, as soon as we went in. That was the only Roll credits. www.nag.co.za E3 2012 5 Flight Hollywood Operation Pico AF 0995 D.E.A.T.H. Gate Rootbeer 18:20 Natural History Museum Planes, Los Angeles county Hollywoodtrains, A16 7th Street • Booth Johnny Rocket’s 15D • walk of famebuses, Los AngelesGames babes taxis. United States E3of America Theatre Mann Chinese NAG’s LA Convention Center 3N $16.75 Hollywood/Highland 2:40pm Mon 6/4/2012 Universal Studios Best of E3 Awards 2012 Every year, gaming publications and websites will tell you all about what the favourite games were from E3. They’ll organise them according to genre or booth babe count or the eccentricity of the lead developers’ moustaches, but nobody takes the time to tell the readers about the carpets, the snacks and the couches of E3! It’s a shame, really, so we’ve decided to do just that, plus some stuff that you might actually fi nd useful. BEST DEMO: BEST HANDS-ON EXPERIENCE: BEST CARPET: TOMB RAIDER ZOMBIU ACTIVISION Tomb Raider has impressed us in the past Seeing ZombiU and playing ZombiU are two Never before have we felt something so soft, but Crystal Dynamics’ behind-closed-doors entirely unique experiences. It was frightening so spongy, so comfortable, so soothing to demo of the game took that to the next level. It and challenging, and took us all by surprise. We our aching feet, as the carpets at Activision’s might’ve sparked a bit of controversy from the loved every second of playing this game and can’t booth. We could’ve lied down right there sensationalists, but we thought it was a deep, wait to get some more time with it. and died happy. moving, and engaging presentation. BEST BOOTH: BEST BOOTH BABE: BEST COUCHES: STAR WARS 1313 JESSICA NIGRI BLACK OPS II (LOLLIPOP CHAINSAW) Behind closed doors, in a LucasArts meeting Behind a dark wall there was a dark room.