THE ROAMIN’ TATTLER !~*~______A Guide to the Happening Local Events and the Eventful Local Happenings ~*~! April Fools! villaroma.com/roamin -tattler April 1 2019 ——————————————— Joel Peterson Editor-in-Chief A Villa Roma Publication Always Free BEATLES TO REUNITE FOR ROOFTOP CONCERT REPRISE! At a press conference yesterday in Liverpool NY, Sirs Paul McCartney and Richard “Ringo Starr” Starkey announced the unimaginable: The Beatles would be reuniting for the fiftieth anniversary of their noteworthy lunchtime live concert from the rooftop of London’s Apple Corps offices in 1969. Another performance is planned by the group, this time to be held in America from the rooftop of Los Angeles’ Capitol Tower on August 17th of this year. With only two band members of the famous four man group still living, McCartney was asked how such a reunion was possible. The plan, he noted, was to have Dhani Harrison stand in for his late father George on guitar and vocals, and filling in for John Len- non, a very special treat will represent his towering stature in popular music. Julian Lennon with Sean Len- non sitting on Julian’s shoulders, and Yoko Ono (in a bag) sitting atop Sean, on guitar, ukulele, and histri- onic caterwauling, respectively. Late keyboardist Billy Preston will be replaced by Sylvester “Sly Stone” Stewart. Stewart, long famously a “no show” at most of his concerts, is promising to not show up for this historic event in spectacular fashion, and has already bought a brand new alarm clock with a faulty snooze bar. McCartney went on to say that the Beatles couldn’t miss out on this historic opportunity. “Two thousand and nineteen is like 1969 all over again,” said the septuagenarian rocker. “There’s a Woodstock festival, a space capsule splashdown, a Presidential investigation...all’s I’m saying is, bet on the Mets to win the world series!” He then added that 2019 was going to be “fookin’ fab!” whatever the heck that means. When asked how he felt about playing the show, McCartney replied that he had to, unfortunately, miss out on the historic opportunity. His pale, pudgy, ginger son James McCartney will be standing in for him. Said McCartney, “he’s a fine musician in his own right, and he looks a bit like me around the eyes, so I guess that’s good enough for ‘em.” When asked if Ringo’s son, Who drummer Zak Starkey, would be filling in for him, Ringo simply smiled, flashed a peace sign, and repeated “peace and love” over and over again like an ageing parrot on a sugar high. McCartney could be seen dramatically rolling his eyes and half heartedly shaking his graying mop-top as the press conference limped to a close. CROSBY, STILLS, NASH & YOUNG ATTEMPT TO PATCH OPINION: NOT FOR NUTHIN’ BUT UP DIFFERENCES AHEAD OF WOODSTOCK 50th They say that time heals all JIMI HENDRIX WAS A HACK wounds, and CSNY are all about By Harmon E. Rocket - Really? People like this crap? Now, I admit, I healing, if nothing else. ain’t heard much of the man’s so called music, but I did hear his ver- “I freakin’ hate Crosby,” says Graham Nash in his clipped sion of the Star Spangled Banner. That crap must’ve had Francis Manchester accent. “I don’t really Scott Key rollin’ over in his grave. Not very Make America Great care for Neil, and Stephen’s a bit Again of him, but then again I heard that this guy use’ta play with a of a coarse loudmouthed redneck couple of fancy little English dandies in his band who wore paisley for my taste.” smoking jackets and sported bad Brady Bunch style permanent hair- Stephen Stills seems hurt when he hears how his band mate dos. feels. “I don’t hate anyone,” he Anywho, supposedly this guy can play the guitar, but you says in a measured Floridian can’t prove it by me. He played it with his teeth, his butt, any darn drawl, “except David...and some- thing but his fingers. Hell, I heard that one time, he lit the blasted times Neil (mouthing)...and thing on fire, and humped it to pieces like a frustrated puppy with a Nash.” “I, like, don’t have space new chew-toy. If that’s great playing, plug me in a Stratocaster, I’ll in my life to hate or be hated, throw it down the staircase, and be The Next Big Thing! man,” says David Crosby, speak- No sir, that ain’t playing the guitar, that’s playing with the gui- ing by phone. “Well,” he stops and tar. Now Mr. Randy Bachman, that is a guitar player. You can bet ponders, “maybe I do have the your bottom dollar he’d never mess up Oh, Canada by playing it with time to be hated just a little.” Later that evening Neil his butt, and that he’d never stop in the middle of Takin’ Care of Young added to his Twitter ac- Business to pour lighter fluid on his axe and beat the strings with his count: “OMG!!! I already have a Continued on page 56 career! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!”
LOCAL
Events Calendar
TOWN OF AGLOE, NY Sesquicentennial Celebration! Festivities will be held every weekend during Summer 2019 at the AGLOE ARTISENAL DAIRY & CALF SHACK! Enjoy our: Craft Milk! - Hand Patted Butter! - Hand Snipped Calf Oysters! Small Batch Fermented Kefir! - Putrid Kasu Marzu! Chipmunk Milk Ice Cream Cones! - Curds & Whey on Tuffet! Sweet & Sour Cream Soup! - Delaware County Beaver Cheese! Join our Dairy Parade every Sunday! (Leaves from our Yogurt Yurt at 11:00am sharp!) Don’t forget to rent a cow suit (sign up early - front ends go fast!) Help put our town on the map! AGLOE Chop Suey Festival Did you know that “chop suey” (tsap seui) literally means “Leftovers?” It’s True! Join us on July 1st at the Great Wok at Beaver Bottom Park, and bring all of your leftovers, and clean canoe paddles to help with the stirring! We can handle up to 1,500 pounds of food at a time. Donations for the approximately 3 tons of steamed white rice, 3 barrels of duck sauce, and 200 gallons of soy sauce needed are much appreciated! Come and join in the AGLOE A-GLOW celebration at 2:00pm on Sat. May 25th in Delaware County’s only working Uranium mine! (15 Abandoned Shaft Rd.) Coffee and yellow cake to be served immediately following event. Geiger counter optional. WILLIAM “BUCKY” FLINT ARMY MAN COLLECTION The largest Army Man collection in three counties! Be sure to call ahead, as the exhibition is only open to the public on Saturday afternoons, after the morning cartoons are over, and before Mrs. Flint makes Bucky Clean up his room. The only Flint listing in the Agloe white pages.
The Agloe Public Library Presents on May 21st at 8:00pm: An evening with local author Billy “Bud” Baxter, reading excerpts from his new book
“HOLLER ‘NUFF!” THE BIG BOOK OF CHILDHOOD TORTURE Mr. Baxter will be paying special attention to Russian Haircuts, Wedgies, Ankle Spankles, Pink Bellies, Wet Willies, Purple Nurples, The Fuzz, Flat Tires, Dirty Swirlies, Pantsing, Donkey Bites, Short Sheeting, Dutch Ovens, Spitballs, and Rat Tailing. The reading will be followed by Mr. Baxter signing books and giving out noogies to the public.
THE ROAMIN’ TATTLER !~*~______A Guide to the Happening Local Events and the Eventful Local Happenings ~*~! Issue 11 villaroma.com/roamin -tattler April 2019 ——————————————— Joel Peterson Editor-in-Chief A Villa Roma Publication Always Free
mama? SPECIAL EASTER BUNNY ORIGIN ISSUE!
The origins of the Easter Bunny can be traced back to times before Easter itself even existed. Cer- tainly Spring holidays such as Easter and May Day predate, under different names, naturally, Christian tra- ditions as do holidays like Christmas and All Hallows Eve. Most of these celebrations and festivals date back to Pagan times in Europe, and are based around the coming and going of the seasons. Among the most important were the Spring rituals, welcoming longer, warmer days of sunlight, and with them, the return of fertile fields and new life. The name “Easter” arguably derives from the name Ēo- stre, a Teutonic Goddess in ancient Germany, who was a symbol of the rebirth that the post Winter season promised. Her symbol was a rabbit - what better creature to represent abundant new life? Likewise, the egg has long been a symbol of fertility (go figure). For thousands of years, the people of what was known as Persia had a tradition of producing beautifully colored eggs during the Spring equi- nox, or Nowruz, the Iranian New Year. Later, the Orthodox and Eastern Catholic Churches dyed eggs red to symbolize the blood that Christ shed upon the cross. Eggs were also prominent in the Pagan feast of Ēo- stre. The first appearance of the Easter egg as we know it today can be dated back to Edward I in Britain. In the year 1290, he had four hundred and fifty eggs colored and or covered in gold leaf for his royal en- tourage for Easter. The Easter egg and the Easter Bunny first intersected and was documented in Germany in the 1500’s. By 1680, a story had been written about a rabbit laying eggs, and hiding them about the garden. In the 1700’s, the Pennsylvania Dutch country began to be settled by German immigrants, and the legend of the Easter Bunny arrived with them in North America. The children would build nests for the Osterhase or “Easter Hare” to lay it’s eggs, which would presumably make the early American Easter Bunny a female. Today, of course, the nest has become a basket, and in addition to hiding Easter Eggs, the more gender neutral Hare, often dressed in fancy dandy attire, delivers all manner of chocolaty confections, speckled jelly beans and marshmallow creme filled treats much to the delight of children the whole world over. Next issue: the easter bunny vs the tooth fairy! it’s the teeth against the eggs BANG!! in a hard boiled scramble that won’t be over easy! POW!! PORCHFEST COMING TO CALLICOON! Dateline Callicoon - Woodstock Weekend in Sullivan County has just gotten a whole lot WHEN THEY ASK more interesting with the announcement of Callicoon Porchfest 2019: A Tribute to Woodstock ‘69. The celebration will begin with a pub crawl on Friday August 16th, fea- WHERE YA turing live music at the Callicoon Brewing Company, The Western Ballroom, Rafter’s HEARD IT, TELL Tavern, and outdoor porches on both Upper and Lower Main Streets. ‘EM “I READ IT IN The following day, over twenty homes and businesses will be used as stages from TH’ TATTLER!” 12 noon to 8pm for artists from every imaginable genre of music. Both original acts as well as tributes to 1960’s artists (Richie Havens, CCR & Neil Young, among others) will be featured. This rocking weekend block party will be celebrating our community through music, art, film, dance and performance. Saturday will also feature vendors, talks and discussions with local environmental non-profit groups, as well as children’s activities like crafts, games and face painting. Many local breweries and distilleries will also have a presence in Callicoon throughout the weekend. For more information, or to become a sponsor, please contact Irene Nickolai at 845-887-9017
I like kids; I used to be one. – Ringo Starr 1
Community Events Calendar
5K Sap Run! Live music! Sausage MAPLE and pancakes in the park served with fresh local syrup! Candy making! Tap a tree! Vendors! Pancake eating contest! Photo SYRUP contest! And much, much more! Festival held in The Backyard Park in the Village of Jeffersonville FESTIVAL 876 Swiss Hill N, Jeffersonville, NY SATURDAY, APRIL 27, 2019 • 10-4pm JEFFERSONVILLE NY
The Marywood University Chamber Singers The Cooperage, 1030 Main St. Honesdale PA Saturday April 6, 2pm Interested in interesting glasswork? Take a weekend drive to the town of Honesdale Pennsylvania and visit the Dorlinger Glass Museum to see the world’s largest collec- tion of cut Dorlinger glass. Continue on to the town of Hawley, and see the world’s largest collection of glowing “Vaseline” glass at the Hawley Antique Exchange! Call ahead to be sure they’re open: Dorflinger Glass Museum: (570) 253-1185, Hawley An- tique Exchange: (570) 226-1711.
The truly adventurous among us may want to travel east into Ulster County New York to the town of Mount Tremper, and visit the world’s largest Kaleidoscope . How large is it? Twenty people can stand inside of it and see the show, developed by 1960’s psychedelic artist Isaac Abrams! The Kaleidoscope is the anchor of Catskill Corners boutique mall, "New York's most innovative family entertainment com- plex”. Be sure to call ahead! Emerson Kaleidoscope: (845) 688-5800. Easter EGG Hunt & Photos With The Easter Bunny! Sat, Apr 13, 9:30 AM – 12:30 PM, Delaware Youth Center 8 Creamery Road Callicoon, NY Ambient/Electronic/Contemporary Classical/Indie Pop Artist
EASTWEDNESDAY APRIL 17 - THEFOREST SANCTUARY - CALLICOON NY 132 Hospital Road - Doors open at 6:00pm Tickets $45.00 Show 7:30 - 9:30 WE ARE GOLDEN: REFLECTIONS ON THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY OF WOODSTOCK Bethel Woods Museum: March 30-April 28 Spring Hours: Thursday-Sunday, 10am-5pm