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Electronic Theses, Treatises and Dissertations The Graduate School

2019

Performing Asexy: Asexual Identity and Neo-Burlesque in Mississippi, Texas, and FloridaSarah Givens

Follow this and additional works at the DigiNole: FSU's Digital Repository. For more information, please contact [email protected] FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY

COLLEGE OF FINE ARTS

PERFORMING ASEXY:

ASEXUAL IDENTITY AND NEO-BURLESQUE

IN MISSISSIPPI, TEXAS, AND FLORIDA

By

SARAH GIVENS

A Thesis submitted to the School of Dance in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts

2019 Sarah Givens defended this thesis on April 10, 2019. The members of the supervisory committee were:

Hannah Schwadron Professor Directing Thesis

Jen Atkins Committee Member

Ilana Goldman Committee Member

The Graduate School has verified and approved the above-named committee members, and certifies that the thesis has been approved in accordance with university requirements.

ii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

First, thank you to Hannah Schwadron, Jen Atkins, and Ilana Goldman for pushing me, encouraging me, and supporting me through my time in the American Dance Studies program.

To Shaken Not Stirred, for enthusiastically welcoming me into their community. Lastly, to my friends who have served as soundboards, motivational speakers, and emotional support groups. I would not have made it this far without you.

iii TABLE OF CONTENTS

Abstract ...... v

INTRODUCTION: ASEXUALITY, NEO-BURLESQUE, AND AUTOETHNOGRAPHY ...... 1

Asexuality: A New Field of Research and an Absence of Representation ...... 2 Neo-Burlesque: Female Performance and Re-Writing Fantasies ...... 14 This Thesis: An Autoethnographic Process ...... 17

CHAPTER ONE: IN THE AUDIENCE: NEEDING A HERO ...... 21

Hattiesburlesque: Body-Positivity, Self-Love, and Creative Agency ...... 23 Donning Femininity: Excess Femininity in Neo-Burlesque ...... 28 Performances of Deviance: Hattiesburlesque in Concert...... 33

CHAPTER TWO: ONLINE PERFORMANCE: FINDING A HERO ...... 41

Queerlesque: Community, Affirmation, and Support ...... 45 Hana Li: Gender Place and the Ultimate Asexy Tease ...... 52 Staging Asexuality: Representation and Identity Performance ...... 59

CHAPTER THREE: CENTER STAGE: BECOMING THE HERO ...... 62

Shaken Not Stirred: Nerdlesque and Embodying Popular Culture ...... 63 Revisiting Femininity: Recognizing Gender Identity ...... 68 Performing Asexuality: Conceptually, Choreographically, and Performatively ...... 70

CONCLUSION: TO PERFORM ASEXY ...... 83

BIBLIOGRAPHY ...... 88

Biographical Sketch ...... 94

iv ABSTRACT

This Masters in American Dance Studies thesis addresses the performance of asexual identity in the neo-burlesque performance art. With a heavy emphasis on autoethnography, I present neo- burlesque as a genre that creates space for queer identity performance. I focus on three case studies: First, as a live audience member, I examine Hattiesburlesque as an example of neo- burlesque’s celebratory and self-loving spirit. Then, through online engagement, I analyze the work of genderqueer, asexual neo-burlesque performer Hana Li and her involvement in the queerlesque community of Dallas, Texas. Finally, as a performing member of Shaken Not Stirred Burlesque, I explore a self-choreographed solo routine celebrating asexual pride in order to gain embodied experience of performing identity in neo-burlesque. In doing so, I add to the sparse but growing field of asexual research and depart on a personal journey of self-discovery and self- expression.

v INTRODUCTION

ASEXUALITY, NEO-BURLESQUE, AND AUTOETHNOGRAPHY

When I began tossing around the words, "asexual burlesque," I got responses ranging from confused fascination to enthusiastic misunderstanding. With little to no context around what I meant, well-meaning acquaintances took it to mean an "unsexy" burlesque show. My hairdresser thought of burlesque that purposefully aimed to not be sexy or to reference any sexuality at all. "Oh that'll be tough," a guest speaker at the university said, assuming that I was trying to take the sex out of burlesque. Just how much sex is in burlesque? I knew it was there, but from what I had seen and experienced it was not an overpowering element. Is it a hyper- sexualized form because of its content, or is it hyper-sexualized because of how it is perceived?

In what follows, I take on these fairly simplistic assumptions and their queerer performance alternatives through an analysis of current burlesque practices in Mississippi,

Texas, and Florida. First, I approach Hattiesburlesque in Mississippi through the physical experience of being a live audience member. Then, I virtually engage with the works of asexual, genderqueer performer Hana Li and the Dallas queerlesque community through the use of the internet. Finally, I include my own embodied research as a performing member of Shaken Not

Stirred Burlesque in Tallahassee, Florida, and my process of creating an asexual pride solo routine. As I investigate these three case studies, I discuss the concept of asexiness and my own progression of needing, finding, and becoming an asexy hero and performer.

Throughout this thesis, I refer to asexuality as a sexual orientation defined by experiencing no sexual attraction towards others. Asexuality is not the absence of sex, nor does it translate to unsexy. Rather than unsexy, I use the term "asexy" in an attempt to define myself in relation to my neo-burlesque performance experiences. In the asexual community, the definition 1 of “asexy” is purposefully vague but always positive. I, perhaps paradoxically so, apply this term to the art of neo-burlesque in order to analyze and celebrate a form that is so regularly hyper- sexualized in popular understanding. I ask, what can it mean to use "asexy" as a theoretical framework and applying it to neo-burlesque? Furthermore, what does it mean for performers to claim asexuality on neo-burlesque stages? What does it mean to purposefully be asexy?

In this thesis, I address these questions and discuss several assumptions surrounding neo- burlesque and its intersections with asexuality: firstly, the view that neo-burlesque is inherently sexual or sexy (and how these terms differ). Secondly, I dispel the belief that in order to celebrate or display asexuality an asexual person must desexualize their body and their performance. And finally, I discuss my personal burlesque experience as Amethyst Ace and the creation of an asexual pride neo-burlesque routine. Throughout this thesis, I use the word

"asexy" as a tool to further understand asexuality, neo-burlesque, and identity performance.

Asexuality: A New Field of Research and an Absence of Representation

Asexuality has only recently become a visible orientation, and there is still very little scholarly research. Anthony F. Bogaert, professor of psychology and community health sciences at Brock University, defines asexuality as "a lack of sexual attraction [towards others]." He explains that the lack of sexual attraction does not mean all asexuals are sex-repulsed or uninterested in sexually-themed performances and activities. Asexuality, like sexuality, is a spectrum ranging from sex-positive (being interested in or enjoying sex and sexual themes) to sex-repulsed (being completely disgusted and averse to sex and sexual themes), with many places in between. 1 The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) also defines

1 Anthony F. Bogaert, Understanding Asexuality (Lanham, Md: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, 2012), 18. 2 asexuality as an absence of sexual attraction and emphasizes the diversity of experiences in the asexual community. 2 Neo-burlesque performer Hana Li, one of the main foci of chapter two, identifies as gray-asexual, which generally means somewhere between sexual and asexual. Gray- asexuals may fluctuate from experiencing to not experiencing sexual attraction, or they may have a low sex drive. The term has also been used by sex-positive asexuals who do enjoy sex, but only under certain circumstances. 3 Li describes her own experience, blogging, "It's hard to explain why I identify as grey-a without getting into the dirty details, but basically I don't experience sexual attraction save for a couple of exceptions."4 It is important to note that even though asexuals may not experience sexual attraction, some may experience another type of attraction, such as romantic or aesthetic attraction. Loosely defined, aesthetic attraction is attraction to the look or aesthetic of a person, or an appreciation of their beauty or style. Likewise, romantic attraction is a desire for a romantic relationship, not a sexual relationship. 5 Asexuals who experience other forms of attraction sometimes use the split attraction model, which allows them to more specifically explain their identity and experiences. 6 For example, I identify as a panromantic asexual, using the split attraction model to say that I am romantically attracted to many genders and sexually attracted to no genders.

2 "Overview," The Asexual Visibility and Education Network , accessed February 21, 2019, https://asexuality.org/?q=overview.html. 3 "Gray-A/Grey-A," AVEN Wikipedia , last modified April 11, 2018, http://wiki.asexuality.org/Gray-A/Grey-A. 4 Hana Li, "Identity in Burlesque," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School , May 3, 2013, http://hanaliburlesque.blogspot.com/2013/05/identity-in-burlesque.html. 5 "Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation," LGBT Center , University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, accessed October 25, 2018, https://lgbtq.unc.edu/resources/resource/exploring-identitiesasexuality-attraction-and-romantic- orientation. 6 "Overview," The Asexual Visibility and Education Network . 3 Visible representation shows asexuals that they are not alone and that their existence is valid. With such low visibility, many asexuals go through long periods of believing they are broken because they do not experience sexual attraction. They may force themselves into harmful situations because they are told that is how it is "supposed to be." Similarly, asexual representation can serve to spread awareness to people who are not asexual, lowering the instances of discrimination towards asexuals. Asexuals repeatedly have to defend and explain themselves and are often asked very personal and probing questions by strangers. I personally have had people make jokes about Komodo dragons and plants and have been asked if I masturbate within the first few minutes of someone finding out I am asexual. People view asexuals as suppressed, mentally ill, frigid, or a challenge to be converted or conquered. I have had more than one person offer to "fix" me, and one person did everything in his power to do so.

With more asexual awareness, education, and representation, a safer and more inclusive environment for asexuals can be made.

Research on asexuality is a small but growing field. Foundational texts examine asexuality as an orientation/identity versus asexuality as a psychiatric issue or sexual dysfunction. Bogaert's primary study released in 2004 reported that 1.05% of the British population identified was asexual. This study prompted other researchers in psychology and sociology to investigate asexuality, and it is still widely accepted that 1% of the population is asexual. Bogaert has since released several more articles on asexuality as well as his book

Understanding Asexuality .7 Ellen Van Houdenhove et al analyze the history of the term

"asexual" and study what asexuality has in common with hypoactive sexual desire disorder

7 Anthony F. Bogaert, "Asexuality: Prevalence and Associated Factors in a National Probability Sample,” The Journal of Sex Research 41, no. 3 (2004): 279-87. 4 (HSDD), ultimately concluding that there is not enough information on asexuality to make any definite correlations between asexuality and HSDD. 8 Lori A. Brotto and Morag Yule examine asexuality as a sexual orientation, a paraphilia, and a dysfunction, concluding that it meets the conditions of a unique sexual orientation and that there is no evidence to support asexuality being considered as a sexual dysfunction or merely as a paraphilia. 9 Other researchers such as

Prause and Harenski focus on the cause of asexuality, investigating how and why the sexual desires have been "suppressed." 10 There is noticeably less research that analyzes the asexual experience beyond arguing for its existence. Cerankowski and Milkes's collection of essays,

Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives , compiles a wide variety of topics and disciplines that attempt to fill the gap.

Several essays address the term "asexual," and discussion of the word is relevant here as well. Jacinthe Flore points out that "asexual" is defined by what it lacks, that being sexual desire

(note that Bogaert's definition includes the word "lack"). This word sets up an automatic negative connotation with the term as being "less than" or "opposite" of normative sexuality. 11 Flore also criticizes the many assumptions surrounding a "healthy" sexuality, and how too frequently

"healthy," "appropriate," or "normal" sexuality means heterosexuality and penetrative heterosex. 12 When sexuality is considered a fact or necessity of life, asexuality comes to mean

8 Ellen Van Houdenhove, Luke Gijs, Guy T'Sjoen, and Paul Enzlin, "Asexuality: Few Facts, Many Questions" Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy 40, no 3 (2014): 175-192. 9 Lori A. Brotto, and Morag Yule, "Asexuality: Sexual Orientation, Paraphilia, Sexual Dysfunction, or None of the Above?" Archives of Sexual Behavior 46, no. 3 (2017): 619-627. 10 Nicole Prause, and Karla Harenski, "Inhibition, Lack of Excitation or Suppression: fMRI Pilot of Asexuality," in Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives (Hoboken: Routledge, 2014): 87-127. 11 Jacinthe Flore, "Mismeasures of Asexual Desires," in Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives , 71. 12 Ibid, 59. 5 "not life." Flore questions whether it is even possible to make asexuality intelligible without referencing sexuality. 13 This question already places asexuality in opposition to sexuality, assuming that they are two entirely different things and that one person is either sexual or asexual. I would argue that asexuality and sexuality exist on the same spectrum, with asexuality being one form of sexuality. There are several identities that currently fall under the umbrella of asexuality that could also be seen as an orientation in between asexual and sexual, such as gray- asexual or demisexual. However, the term "asexual" places it in direct opposition of sexual, causing it to automatically be seen as "other."

Kristian Kahn points out that frequently the identity term exists before the identity community, using homosexuality as an example. Homosexuality for example did not exist as we know it today before the term itself existed. Kahn says, "Individuals in the late-nineteenth century whose fantasies, desires, and behaviors did not adhere to the dominant heteronormative model lacked any other means to identify their difference without using the very language dominant culture used to label them as deviants." Kahn is examining the origin of the term

"asexual" as used as a medicalized mental disorder (not unlike the medicalization of homosexuality), and the asexual community's adoption of the vocabulary as a way of gaining a voice. 14

Currently there is no commonly accepted way of viewing asexuality's relationship with sexuality. Simply not enough research has been done and the asexual identity as it currently

13 Flore, "Mismeasures of Asexual Desires," in Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives , 70. 14 Kristian Kahn, "'There's No Such Thing as a Sexual Relationship:' Asexuality's Sinthomantics," in Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives, 136. 6 exists is too new. Opinions vary widely and each individual has a different experience and understanding of their own (a)sexuality.

Throughout this thesis, I also use the term "queer." This word has a complex history, so a definition of my usage in this context is necessary. The word exists for those who are not comfortable with labels, prefer not to disclose specifics, or do not know or want a specific identity label. Queer theorist Alexander Doty says that any attempt to define the modern usage of the word "queer" goes against the very meaning of it, which is to break apart conventional categories and labels. 15 I have met asexuals who identify as queer and asexuals who do not. Its imprecision may make it easier to use than the split attraction model (it is sometimes easier to say that I am "queer" rather than "non-binary panromantic asexual"), and can reference gender identity as well as (a)sexual identity. In this thesis, I use “queer” in primarily three ways: firstly,

I use it to refer to individuals who self-identify as queer, myself included. Secondly, I use it when drawing on scholarship relating to queer studies. Thirdly, I use it to discuss queerlesque as a genre and community that can house asexy performances.

One of my reasons for pursuing this project as a study of asexuality in neo-burlesque is the limited representation asexuality is given in popular culture, media, and entertainment in general. When asexuality is given screen time or an asexual character makes an appearance, the depiction at best lacks depth, at worst is a harmful stereotype. These depictions have created a narrow yet vague structure for asexuality. Through my own performance and examination, I hope to portray an alternative version of asexuality.

15 Alexander Doty, "Introduction: What Makes Queerness Most," in Making Things Perfectly Queer (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 1993), xv. 7 Why is it important for there to be accurate and positive asexual representation?

Performance studies scholar José Muñoz noted that queer children must quickly develop practices of survival in order to "navigate a homophobic public sphere that would rather did not exist." 16 These practices of survival must be learned, requiring the child to have an example, a role model, or a hero to identify with and mimic. 17 Muñoz mentioned a process of "identifying with one's heroes, actually becoming like one's role model and then moving on." 18 I expand this to mean that by meeting the hero, becoming like the hero, and moving beyond the hero in order to focus on the self, the individual in a way disidentifies with that hero in order to find their own identity. Finding and identifying with a hero enables the individual to believe they are not alone and can even operate as a guide to navigating the world. There are very few asexual heroes and role models for young people to identify with, so those that are depicted in popular culture are powerful.

A Google search for "asexual fictional characters" produces numerous lists of characters primarily from television shows and movies that many fans interpret as asexual (called a

"headcanon"), but few who are canonically (meaning the writers purposefully create the character as asexual) asexual. While there is nothing wrong with identifying an ambiguous character as asexual, I find the lack of openly asexual characters troubling. We are left with lists of characters who are uninterested in sex for a variety of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with being asexual but are due to other factors. Bogaert coins the term "asexual aura" which

16 Jos é Mu ñoz, "Famous and Dandy Like B. 'n' Andy: Race, Pop, and Basquiat," in Disidentifications: Queers of Color and the Performance of Politics (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 1999) , 37. 17 Ibid, 38. 18 Ibid, 39. 8 he applies to many characters that seem uninterested in sex or romance but may not actually be asexual. He uses Gilligan from Gilligan's Island as an example:

...This type of character portrayal had appeal for preadolescent boys—indeed, a large

portion of the audience for this program may have been boys—who could identify with

Gilligan, in part because of their own asexuality or, more accurately, presexuality. A

sexual Gilligan would not have appealed to their sensibilities, and perhaps even

threatened them. Also, his asexuality made good fodder for the type of humor in which

this show reveled: One of the female characters, the movie star Ginger, was very sexual,

at least at that time in TV-land, and thus her overtures to Gilligan made for comedic

tension. 19

Gilligan's inexperience and disinterest in sex and romance is used for comedic effect when he is placed in situations with Ginger or Mary Anne. His asexual aura comes across as a childlike innocence rather than a sexual identity. These kinds of characters frequently serve as a dramatic foil for sexuality: Gilligan is a contrast to Ginger, Jughead is a contrast to Archie

Andrews, and Sheldon Cooper is a contrast to society as a whole. 20 This aura can be applied to many characters now labelled as asexual. Similarly, many of the "asexual" characters are characters that do not have a romantic interest, which does not clearly say anything about their

(a)sexual or (a)romantic orientation. Many characters from popular TV shows that have been adopted by asexual fans come with strings attached, an analysis of which could fill an entirely separate thesis.

19 Bogaert, Understanding Asexuality, 37. 20 Ibid, 38. 9 Popular culture and mainstream media depict an extremely limited number of officially asexual characters. In Netflix's animated series Bojack Horseman , Todd Chavez comes out as asexual in season four, episode three, "Hooray! Todd Episode!" Throughout the rest of the fourth season, we see Todd going to asexuality meetups and occasionally discussing it with his friends.

In season five, his asexuality is explored even further. 21 This representation of asexuality is thorough and well-explored, featuring the many different ways that asexuality takes form. He is rarely made fun of for his asexuality or sexualized by other characters.

In 2015, Archie Comics launched a new Archie universe, collectively called New

Riverdale. 22 Archie's best friend Jughead Jones has been canonically asexual since Chip

Zdarksy's and Erica Henderson's Jughead series, begun in 2016. In volume one, Jughead's asexuality is casually mentioned in passing. It is not a coming out or exploration story, but an established fact of his identity. 23 In the long history of Archie comics, both in the New Riverdale universe released in 2015 and in the digests going back to 1941, Jughead has been far more interested in friendship and food than in romance or sex. In 2017, the CW released Riverdale , a darker and edgier take on the Archie universe. While none of the characters are exactly the same,

Jughead is the character whose (a)sexual identity is altered. Show creator Roberto Aguirre-

Sacasa claims that season one of Riverdale is more of an origin story and all of the characters are still exploring and figuring out their sexual identities. 24 This exploration however leaves Jughead

21 Bojack Horseman , created by Raphael Bob-Waksburg, Netflix, 2014-2018. 22 "Overview," Archie Comics , accessed February 3, 2019, http://archiecomics.com/characters/new-riverdale/. 23 Chip Zdarsky and Erica Henderson, Jughead Volume One , Jon Goldwater, 2016. 24 Crystal Bell, "Cole Sprouse's Jughead is Still Figuring out his Sexuality, Riverdale Producer Reveals," MTV News , January 18, 2017, www.mtv.com/news/2973350/cole-sprouse- jughead-asexual-riverdale-producer/. 10 heteronormative and heterosexual with no suggestion of deviation. Jughead's asexuality is effectively erased.

Within the small circle of asexual representation, there is a distinct lack of diversity. It cannot be ignored that both Todd and Jughead are white and male. Although Todd is shown attending asexual meetings, the other asexuals he encounters are also white or what Brie Rhoden calls “racially ambiguous.” 25 Even characters who are not officially asexual but with whom asexual fans identify frequently follow the same pattern: Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang

Theory , Castiel from Supernatural , and Sherlock Holmes from Sherlock , to name a few. These depictions are more evidence of why I look for queer asexual heroes in a performance form that actively parodies popular culture. Even in nonfictional depictions of asexuality, race and gender has been problematic. Asexual model and spokesperson Yasmin Benoit has criticized nonfictional asexual representation for its positioning of asexuality as being a trend among white young adults. 26 She actively works to fill these gaps in representation by helping to produce more diverse documentaries such as Sky News’s “Life Without Sex – What Is Asexuality?” This short documentary features asexuals of different ages, genders, races, and romantic orientations, demonstrating how diverse asexuality can be.27

"Asexual" and "sexual" are often considered opposites, with "asexual" being the absence of "sexual." If "asexual" is the opposite of "sexual," then it follows that "asexy" would be the opposite of "sexy," which implies that in order to understand "asexy" we must first understand

25 Brie Rhoden, "Why Are Asexual Characters Always White?" IntoMore , October 23, 2018, https://www.intomore.com/culture/why-are-asexual-characters-always-white. 26 Yasmin Benoit, "Why I Hate my BBC Asexuality Documentary," Lapp , January 20, 2019, blog.lappthebrand.com/2019/01/20/why-i-hate-my-bbc-asexuality-documentary/. 27 Sky News, “Life Without Sex – What Is Asexuality?” Youtube video, 10:31, posted February 2, 2019, https://youtu.be/hzLrBFNfryA. 11 "sexy." I argue that these terms do not exist in opposition to each other but have a far more complex and nuanced relationship.

Oxford Dictionaries includes several entries for "sexy." The first is, "Intended to excite sexual desire," while the informal usage is, "exciting, appealing." 28 Alternatively, The Merriam-

Webster Dictionary defines it as, "Sexually suggestive or stimulating." 29 "Sexy" can be heard in a variety of contexts, with the word being applied to many inanimate objects as a way of calling it interesting, glamorous, or visually or intellectually exciting. Using Oxford Dictionaries' example, "a sexy project," means it is exciting, interesting or well designed, but not that the speaker wants to have sex with the project. 30

"Asexy" is harder to define. Urban Dictionary's definition from 2006 says it is, "an adjective used to describe an asexual person showing intelligence, confidence, style, physical attractiveness, charming personality, baking skills, or any other combination of sufficiently positive and unique skills." 31 On the AVEN forums, members have attempted to pin down an exact definition, suggesting it as an asexual equivalent of "sexy," used to refer to something or someone that is stimulating, interesting, or appealing. 32 If "asexy" carries the same meanings as the informal usage of "sexy," then should asexuals (or anyone for that matter) use or identify with the word "sexy?" In other words, can asexuals be sexy, or can they only be asexy?

28 Oxford Dictionaries, "sexy," accessed October 29, 2018, https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/sexy. 29 The Merriam-Webster Dictionary , "sexy," (Merriam Webster, 2004), 660. 30 Oxford Dictionaries, "sexy." 31 Urban Dictionary , "asexy," June 19, 2006, https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=asexy. 32 "Does Anyone Have a Definition for Asexy?" The Asexual Visibility and Education Network , September 24, 2006, https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/18966-does-anyone-have-a- definition-for-asexy/. 12 In order to answer that question, I must return to the primary definitions of "sexy:"

"Intended to excite sexual desire," 33 or "sexually suggestive or stimulating." 34 Notably, neither definition mentions experiencing sexual activity or sexual attraction. Calling something "sexy" says something about the viewer, not the object in question. If I call someone sexy I am presumably saying I am sexually attracted to them. If I call a nice piece of architecture sexy I am saying that I find it aesthetically pleasing. In neither instance am I actually saying that the person or object in question is experiencing sexual attraction towards me. I am not calling them sexual.

When considered this way, a sexy asexual is not impossible.

However, what if an asexual person is trying to be sexy or participating in a performance art where the goal is to be "sexy?" Are not they then asking for someone to be sexually attracted to them, and why would an asexual want that? I began my research with this question, but this question only serves to exclude and separate asexuals from enjoying and taking pride in their physical bodies. There are multiple assumptions and statements wrapped in this seemingly innocuous question, all of which I attempt to address in this thesis. Firstly, the goal of neo- burlesque is not always to be "sexy." Secondly, there appears to be the requirement that an asexual person completely desexualize their appearance which proves impossible to do as our bodies are regularly sexualized by other people regardless of our intent. This desexualization results in asexual stereotypes such as the "prude," or the "intellectual," someone who is too preoccupied with intellectual pursuits to be concerned with the physical. 35

33 Oxford Dictionaries, "sexy." 34 Merriam-Webster, "Sexy," 660. 35 For instance the character Sherlock Holmes, often considered by fans to be asexual. In a critique of the television show Riverdale , "Riverdale's Queer Problem," Alex Gabriel calls asexual television characters, "sexlessly straight, too rational for sexuality and yet still heteronormative." 13 Neo-Burlesque: Self-Love, Body-Positivity, and Re-Writing Fantasies

How does all of this relate to neo-burlesque? How does an asexual dancing on stage and taking off their clothes contribute to asexual representation? One of the most important things for me is being comfortable and proud of my identity. What draws me to neo-burlesque is its celebratory nature and how it encourages performers and audiences to love themselves. When I first encountered neo-burlesque, I was a deeply closeted queer teenager, making neo-burlesque’s messages of self-love and acceptance extremely powerful.

A core element of neo-burlesque is the striptease, incorporating raunchy jokes and signature suggestive moves such as the "bump and grind," punctuated hip movements and slow pelvic circles. However, that is not nearly all of what neo-burlesque has to offer. Burlesque did not originate as striptease, and though it has greatly evolved since its inception, neo-burlesque still retains several of the basic concepts of early burlesque. The word burlesque means to parody or exaggerate, 36 and originally a burlesque was a parody of a classic tale rife with political and social references.

Lydia Thompson, though not the first to perform burlesque, is credited as popularizing female burlesque, bringing a small troupe from England to the United States in 1869. In the liminal space of the theater, Thompson and her "British Blondes" were able to dress, speak, and act like men rather than women. 37 Their masculine costuming was more tight-fitting and revealing than women's fashion of the time, and that paired with their double entendres provoked questions about how a woman should be "allowed" to act, both onstage and off. Female

36 Oxford Dictionaries, "burlesque," accessed October 29, 2018, https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/burlesque. 37 Robert C. Allen, Horrible Prettiness: Burlesque and American Culture (University of North Carolina Press, 1991): 25. 14 burlesque performers were self-aware liberated women by the standards of the time. Jacki

Willson's description of the modern neo-burlesque performer can also be applied to the burlesquers of the 1800s: "The burlesque performer looks back, smiles and questions her audience, as well as her own performance, a performance that is comic, outlandish and saucy." 38

Women on stage combined elements of spectacle, female sexuality, and verbal speech, which made it a transgressive and outspoken performance art that was impossible for the (mostly male) audiences to ignore. 39

Although the term was not used at the time, I see Thompsonian burlesque as being a decidedly queer and potentially asexy performance. Thompsonian male impersonation made no effort to hide the feminine body, producing a "monstrous hybrid gender" that both appealed to and repulsed male audience members. American novelist, critic, and playwright William Dean

Howells observed that the burlesquers were, "not like men, were in most things as unlike women, and seemed creatures of a kind of alien sex, parodying both. It was certainly a shocking thing to look at them with their horrible prettiness." 40 This "alien sex" was a combination of the noticeably feminine body paired with the masculine aura of "the knowing, cocky worldliness of the man-about-town." 41 Performers regularly challenged societal assumptions on inherent masculinity and femininity. These performances could be considered asexy in their rejection of what was considered sexually attractive or acceptable. However, as burlesque became more industrialized and mainstreamed, the subversive themes of gender began to fade as it focused in

38 Jacki Willson, The Happy Stripper: Pleasures and Politics in New Burlesque (London: IB Tauris, 2008), 4. 39 Allen, Horrible Prettiness, 101. 40 Quoted in Allen, Horrible Prettiness, 134-135. 41 Allen, Horrible Prettiness, 148. 15 on the physical female form on stage. By the 1920s, burlesque had become what many think of it as today: feathers, glitter, and tassel twirling. 42

In the 1990s, burlesque began to return in the form of neo-burlesque, a performance art involving corsets, comedy, and striptease. Dita Von Teese is generally believed to have inspired the revival of burlesque, incorporating elements of 1920s and 1930s striptease and pin-up-girl style. 43 Neo-burlesque exists in two broad forms, defined Dr. Joanna Staskiewicz as mainstream burlesque (also called classic) and underground burlesque (often referred to as neo-burlesque).

Mainstream burlesque features mainstream feminine beauty ideals, while underground burlesque emphasizes irony and a parody of gender roles. 44 Numerous sub-genres of underground burlesque can be found from queerlesque (which I discuss in Chapter Two) to nerdlesque (which

I discuss in Chapter Three), but one of the unifying elements is body-positivity. Neo-burlesque is heralded as an empowering performance art for women, encouraging self-love and acceptance of all body types. 45

Researchers have approached neo-burlesque from a variety of standpoints. Scholars such as Debra Ferreday and Sherril Dodds view it as a feminist mode of performance that challenges heteronormative standards of beauty and gender roles. Others, such as Kay Siebler, are not so convinced, arguing that neo-burlesque only furthers mainstream sexual expectations of women. 46

Jacki Willson considers neo-burlesque a post-feminist performance genre, suggesting it is no

42 Allen, Horrible Prettiness , 27. 43 Joanna Staskiewicz, "The New Burlesque as an Example of Double-Simulacrum," Forum Socjologiczne 8 (2017), 112. 44 Ibid. 45 Gabriella Tutino, "The Rise of Neo-Burlesque," Highbrow Magazine , October 30, 2013, https://www.highbrowmagazine.com/3145-rise-neo-burlesque. 46 Kay Siebler, "What's So Feminist about Garters and Bustiers? Neo-Burlesque as Post- Feminist Sexual Liberation," Journal of Gender Studies 24, no. 5 (2015): 561-573. 16 longer concerned with feminist goals of desexualizing women. Neo-burlesque indulges in rather than denies pleasures of "posing and performing femininity." 47 Sydney F. Lewis posits that neo- burlesque allows black women to embrace their unruly bodies, resisting racist and sexist stereotypes. 48 Performer Hana Li points to prominent Asian burlesquers who rewrite the sexualized Asian stereotype by transforming it into their own fantasies and narratives. 49 Hannah

Schwadron describes the usage of Jewish stereotypes in burlesque as, "the exaggeration of stereotypes [that] (already exaggerations themselves) reveal their cartoonish absurdity,"50 which is applicable to other racial, sexual, and gender stereotypes as well. It is clear that an examination of neo-burlesque is fruitful for studies of race and gender, and can also be a useful way of studying queer issues. Although a multitude of queer burlesque performers and troupes exist, there is a surprising lack of scholarly research on queer burlesque.

This Thesis: An Autoethnographic Process

In this thesis, I place myself not only as researcher, but also as subject of research. I use this thesis as a way of self-representation and self-expression, motivated by the desire to further understand my non-binary, asexual identity. I look to examples of researchers who have also approached autoethnography and researcher-as-subject, such as Yutian Wong’s, “Rehearsing the

Collective: A Performative Autoethnography,” 51 and Jessica Berson’s “Dancing the Brand:

47 Willson, The Happy Stripper , 17. 48 Sydney F. Lewis, Looking Forward to the Past: Black Women's Sexual Agency in "neo" Cultural Productions , PhD Dissertation, University of Washington, 2012. 49 Li, "Identity in Burlesque," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School . 50 Hannah Schwadron, "Nice Girls Gone Blue: Neoburlesque Nostalgia and the Downwardly Mobile," in The Case of the Sexy Jewess: Dance, Gender, & Jewish Jokework in U.S. Pop Culture, (New York: Oxford University Press, 2018): 45. 51 Yutian Wong, “Rehearsing the Collective: A Performative Autoethnography,” in Choreographing Asian America (Wesleyan University Press, 2010): 59-74. 17 Striptease, Corporeality, and Corporatization,” 52 in order to discuss the relevance of my identity in this research.

I argue that neo-burlesque provides a platform for performers to proudly display their bodies and identities. I find it to be an affirming and positive experience where performers are accepted for who they are and encouraged to explore their sexuality. By doing this work on asexuality and burlesque, I am not so bold as to aim to "fix" asexual representation, or to clearly and accurately educate audiences on the asexual spectrum. What I do aim to accomplish is providing an alternative representation of asexuality, refuting the belief that asexuals must completely desexualize their appearance. I bring what I call asexiness to neo-burlesque. With asexiness, the performer presents their own narratives, fantasies, and identities to the audience rather than giving the audience exactly what they want. Asexiness in neo-burlesque acknowledges mainstream beauty ideals and says, "No thank you, but have this instead."

Through the union of asexiness and neo-burlesque, I achieve a sense of confidence and love for my body, my gender, and my asexuality.

Each chapter is a case study on a different neo-burlesque troupe or area, each of which are significant to me personally as well as my argument. Chapter One goes back to the very first burlesque troupe I ever saw, Hattiesburlesque, and discusses neo-burlesque's elements of self- love, body positivity, and sexual freedom and acceptance. I approach this chapter as an auto- ethnographic study as an asexual audience member, reflecting on my own feelings and reactions as a live audience member searching for asexy, queer representation. This chapter further investigates the "sexy" factor of neo-burlesque.

52 Jessica Berson, “Dancing the Brand: Striptease, Corporeality, and Corporatization,” in Perspectives on American Dance: The New Millennium , ed. Jennifer Atkins, Sally R. Sommer, and Tricia Henry Young, (University Press of Florida, 2018): 163-189. 18 Chapter two focuses on Dallas, Texas, and the extremely rich and diverse queerlesque community that lives there. This chapter addresses the healing and affirming qualities of queerlesque, recognizing queer bodies as bodies of trauma. I also discuss gray-asexual, genderqueer performer Hana Li and the ways in which she explores, experiments, and addresses gender and sexuality in her performances. This chapter further examines the belief that asexuals must desexualize themselves and the distinction between sexy and sexual. In this chapter, I find an asexy, queer hero through the internet.

Chapter three returns to Tallahassee and my own personal experience learning and performing neo-burlesque. Here I discuss local Tallahassee burlesque troupe, Shaken Not

Stirred, and the nerdlesque genre of burlesque that references and plays off of popular or "nerd" culture. I employ J.L. Austin’s theory of performativity 53 to discuss how the act of performing asexy has made me asexy. Through rehearsing an asexy hero and identity, I have made it my reality. My time with Shaken Not Stirred has helped me gain confidence in my body, my asexuality, and my gender identity. This chapter includes my process of creating an asexual pride routine. In this chapter, I become my own asexy, queer hero.

These three locations—Hattiesburg, Dallas, and Tallahassee—represent the traditionally conservative region of the United States. In the current political climate, queer friendly places frequently face the threat of extinction. For example, the Trump administration’s recent policy prevents trans people from serving in the military if they do not meet “the standards associated with their biological sex.” 54 The Trump administration has also rescinded or frozen protection

53 J. L. Austin, How to Do Things with Words , (Harvard University Press, 1962). 54 Julie Moreau, “’Nothing Short of a Ban’: Transgender Troops, Advocates React to New Military Policy,” NBC News , March 14, 2019, https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc- out/nothing-short-ban-transgender-troops-advocates-react-new-military-policy-n983166. 19 and anti-discrimination laws surrounding the LGBTQ community, specifically the right of transgender students to choose their own bathroom. 55 With the decrease of queer rights and protection laws, spaces where queers can unapologetically present themselves are becoming more and more precious. By highlighting these three cities and their neo-burlesque communities,

I demonstrate that queer communities are still vibrant and refuse to be erased. By placing my own queer body on the neo-burlesque stage, I bring visibility to a marginalized identity and proclaim our refusal to be silenced.

55 Valerie Strauss, “’Betsy DeVos, How do You Sleep at Night?’ LGBTQ Advocates Project Data on Education Department Building,” The Washington Post , May 25, 2018, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/answer-sheet/wp/2018/05/25/betsy-devos-how-do-you- sleep-at-night-lgbtq-advocates-project-data-on-education-department- building/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.08c1482be324, 20 CHAPTER 1

IN THE AUDIENCE: NEEDING A HERO

In 2014, I was a college student searching for a word that described my identity. I had not yet discovered asexuality and thought maybe I was bisexual. In April, I attended my first neo- burlesque show, and the very first Hattiesburlesque concert. I vividly remember sitting in the audience and watching performers of all sizes, colors, and genders parade across the stage. Over the past five years, I have returned to see numerous shows and seen the way that

Hattiesburlesque celebrates diversity and inclusivity on their stage. At the beginning of every concert, co-founder Abigail Allen introduces the show with a list of rules. At the 2018

Halloween show, Allen declared, "Number one: You are stunning and perfect. We want you to feel more beautiful and more sexy and more amazing and more nice than when you walked in, and to take all of that with you outside . . . Number two: This is a safe place for you and however you want to do that." 56 Over the years, Allen and the cast and crew of Hattiesburlesque have embraced and encouraged every performer and audience member that has attended their concerts, myself included. As an audience member at these shows, I was constantly amazed at the confidence and power that these performers possessed as they took pleasure in displaying their bodies and fantasies to the audience.

In this chapter, I argue that neo-burlesque emphasizes self-love and is thus an ideal platform for queer identity performance. To do this, I examine Hattiesburlesque, a burlesque troupe in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. My analysis comes from my own experience as a queer asexual audience member at Hattiesburlesque shows and my interactions with several

56 Hattiesburlesque at the Haunted Hippo 2018 , directed by Abigail Lenz Allen, The Thirsty Hippo, Hattiesburg, October 20, 2018. 21 Hattiesburlesque performers. Because neo-burlesque and striptease has a heavy emphasis on the relationship between the performer and the audience, 57 an analysis from the viewpoint of the audience is relevant to an investigation of neo-burlesque. By looking specifically at

Hattiesburlesque and my experience as a queer audience member, I discuss the seemingly sexualized environment of neo-burlesque and reveal the sexual and gender politics that are regularly played out on and offstage.

What initially brought me to that first burlesque show in 2014 was simply to support my performing friends. I was a young freshman dance major at the time, my queer identity deeply closeted and denied. I did not know what to expect, but I anticipated being uncomfortable. I could not have been more surprised. Over and over again, the hosts and performers emphasized self-love and beauty, calling for the freedom to explore and express their sexual and gender identities. Over the past five years, I have watched several of my friends perform with

Hattiesburlesque and have clearly seen their confidence and self-esteem rise. Each performer had their own reasons for being a part of Hattiesburlesque, and each performer approached it in a unique way.

Hattiesburlesque and the larger world of neo-burlesque offers a place where performers remove shame from their bodies and display their identity proudly onstage to cheers and applause. With its roots in gender politics and its modern emphasis on self-love, it becomes an ideal platform for a member of a sexual or gender minority to embrace their identity. As a frequent member of the audience, I have seen how the troupe encourages acceptance of a range

57 Sherril Dodds, "'Naughty but Nice:' Re-Articulations of Value in Neo-Burlesque Striptease," in Dancing on the Canon: Embodiments of Value in Popular Dance , (London: Palgrave Macmillan, 2011): 113. 22 of body types and sexual expressions, allowing participants to be (a)sexy on their own terms, not just for performers but for audience members as well.

Hattiesburlesque: Body-Positivity, Self-Love, and Creative Agency

In southern Mississippi, the small town of Hattiesburg is home to the University of

Southern Mississippi (USM) and Hattiesburlesque, "a burlesque inspired musical revue." 58 When

Abigail Lenz Allen founded Hattiesburlesque in 2013, she invited anyone and everyone to participate however they wished. Even now, the audition is merely a formality, and they accept anyone who is interested. Hattiesburlesque performs at local bar The Thirsty Hippo around twice a year, also making regular appearances at local events such as the annual Rocky Horror Picture

Show at the Saenger Theatre in Hattiesburg. 59 Over the past five years, the troupe and its members have been recognized numerous times by the community. In 2016 the troupe won Best

Local Stage Production in Fine Arts awarded by Festival South's Best of the Pine Belt, 60 while

Hattiesburlesque performer Brittany Purvis won Best Burlesque Performer in 2017. 61

Hattiesburlesque is composed of volunteer performers who also act as choreographers, costume designers, and stage kittens (the burlesque equivalent of stagehands or production crew). Co-founder Rebecca Chandler choreographs the large routines while Allen is the primary costume designer. For both solo and group routines, the performers have creative choice in the

58 Hattiesburlesque Facebook Page, accessed October 29, 2018, https://www.facebook.com/Hattiesburlesque/. 59 Camille Myrick, "Rocky Horror Picture Show," StudentPrintz.com , November 2, 2015, http://www.studentprintz.com/rocky-horror-picture-show/. 60 "2016 Best of the Pine Belt Winners," SignatureMagazine.ms, June 1, 2016, http://signaturemagazine.ms/content/2016-best-pine-belt-winners. 61 "2017 Best of the Pine Belt Winners," SignatureMagazine.ms , June 1, 2017, http://signaturemagazine.ms/content/2017-best-pine-belt-winners. 23 choreography and costuming, and are never forced to wear (or not wear) anything they do not want to. The Hattiesburlesque dancers all contribute their resources when creating costumes.

The troupe is unique in the neo-burlesque world in that none of the performers get paid.

Ticket sales go towards the performance venue and the Hattiesburlesque House Band, which is comprised of local musicians, with any leftover funds going towards costumes and set design. 62

Even for dancers who perform professionally there is not a lot of money left over from the original prep work for a show. More often than not a burlesque performer creates their own costume, paying in both money and time. A corset, a staple of burlesque costuming, is not cheap, and the ones that are cheap prove to be uncomfortable, difficult to put on and take off, and easily broken. Most burlesque routines depend on the costume: it often represents a larger theme of the show, it must be easy to take off, and must be able to be tossed aside without suffering damage.

A performer's earnings barely cover the expenses. Very few neo-burlesque performers are able to support themselves by doing burlesque alone. 63

At the time of Hattiesburlesque's inception, Megan Bradberry was a freshman in USM's dance program and had few chances to perform. Bradberry joined Hattiesburlesque for more performance opportunities but became heavily involved and has continued to participate for the past five years. "I love the atmosphere, the audience, the lights, everything about a performance," she said of both neo-burlesque and other performance art. Of Hattiesburlesque, Bradberry said,

"I've never been able to be like, 'ooh I'm so sexy.' I just go up there and be silly." She went on to describe a Christmas routine in which she played the Grinch, which she did not consider sexy at all. She wore a green unitard that covered her from neck to ankle with numerous layers of

62 Bradberry, Megan. Interview by the author, November 12, 2017. 63 Dodds, "'Naughty but Nice'" in Dancing on the Canon, 116. 24 festively colored clothing. Bradberry slunk around the stage on tiptoes, grinning wickedly at the audience. No matter how many clothes she stripped off, she never showed skin. "And the crowd loved it every night," she added, "Even though I still had clothes on." 64 Bradberry says the atmosphere of Hattiesburlesque is nothing but encouraging. She compared it to her experiences in modern dance companies: "I've been in, y'know, semi-professional modern dances where I felt way more pressure to wear something that I was uncomfortable in, where I felt extremely sexualized, and in that situation I had no say in the matter." In Hattiesburlesque, Bradberry and the other performers have the power to dress (and undress) themselves. 65

Abbi Thomas, who grew up doing classical ballet, had similar things to say about the

Hattiesburlesque environment. "There's not nearly as much pressure," she said, "You don't have to be perfect or look like anyone else. Everyone's just really supportive." 66 For a dancer growing up in classical ballet, the freedom to not be perfect can be liberating. Often, the goal of ballet is to make the dancers uniform and pristine. Even for a soloist, there are clear standards of what the dance, as well as the dancer, should look like. Burlesque, on the other hand, takes every dancer as they are, giving them the power to be themselves rather than to conform to a standard.

These statements resonate with me not only because of my own background in classical ballet, but in my experiences with my feminine-presenting body, my asexuality, and my non- binary gender. Society often gives us a few options of how we are to present and express ourselves, requiring that we conform to specific standards. As a child, I quickly realized my body was not shaped like most of the other girls in my ballet class, so I strove to cover it as much as possible. As a teenager, I realized I was not experiencing my sexuality the same way as most of

64 Bradberry, Megan. Interview by the author, November 12, 2017. 65 Ibid. 66 Thomas, Abbi. Interview by the author, October 29, 2017. 25 the other teenagers, so I believed I was broken and believed that I had to have sex to prove my love for someone. For as long as I can remember, I felt that I was not truly a "woman" but that there was no other option, so I accepted a "tomboy" label that my mother approved of. I list these experiences to provide brief snapshots of my life as I have tried to conform to certain molds and labels that I have been given by others, and to emphasize the liberating self-expression I see and experience in neo-burlesque. My asexuality, my gender identity, and my body do not fit in with societal ideals of beauty. The Hattiesburlesque space, however, "Is a safe place for you and however you want to do that." 67

When I decided to attend the Hattiesburlesque concert, I was expecting an abundance of sex appeal, sex eyes, and nudity. Admittedly, that was what I got, but I also received a multitude of humor, confidence, and social commentary. In Hattiesburlesque and other neo-burlesque troupes, the goal is not necessarily to be "sexy." In interviews, performers more often talk about their performances as comedy or fantasy, aiming to be "silly" rather than sexy, "funny and foolish" rather than sexually enticing. 68 Dance studies scholar Sherril Dodds writes that performers gain a "sense of validation, agency, and esteem" that can also extend offstage as well. 69 In both Hattiesburlesque and other neo-burlesque communities, there is a space for performers to build confidence as well as explore and express their sexuality.

In her book, The Happy Stripper, Culture and Performance studies scholar Jacki Willson writes that mainstream culture frequently emphasizes looking sexy over being sexy or sexual. 70

In other words, the woman is expected to appear sexually available as opposed to the woman

67 Hattiesburlesque at the Haunted Hippo 2018 , directed by Abigail Lenz Allen, The Thirsty Hippo, Hattiesburg, October 20, 2018. 68 Bradberry, Megan. Interview by the author, November 12, 2017. 69 Dodds, "'Naughty but Nice'" in Dancing on the Canon, 119. 70 Willson, The Happy Stripper , 117. 26 taking pleasure in her own sexuality. The distinction here is between appearance and reality.

Women are pressured to appear one way while the reality is considered unimportant, especially if it goes against what the woman seems to be projecting. I further this with my own experience as a non-binary individual. I present feminine, meaning I usually look and appear female. My appearance does not always align with what I am, however. Similarly, if I dress in a certain way

I am deemed "sexy" or "sexual," and my appearance of sexuality is deemed more important than my experience of being asexual.

As an asexual female-presenting individual, I have often felt shame and guilt towards my sexualized body. For as long as I can remember, I was taught that as soon as a man saw an attractive woman he would think about sex. In church, I was taught to keep my brothers in Christ from sin by covering my body. I was taught over and over again that my body was shameful and should be covered. Yet, from when I was no more than seven years old, I have been repeatedly assaulted and taken advantage of, always believing that my body was to blame. Since coming out as asexual, I have been told that I am "too pretty" and my body is "too good" to be asexual. I have continued to blame my body for invalidation of my identity, while simultaneously hating it for not matching up to societal beauty standards. My body was regularly sexualized against my will. I often struggled to find ways of accepting and expressing myself, my (a)sexuality, and my non-binary gender identity. I grew up genuinely believing my body should be controlled and concealed for my own good. When standing in the audience of my first Hattiesburlesque concert in 2014, I was told that I was allowed to love my body as it was, and it could be my choice whether it was covered or not. Through their verbal and non-verbal displays, Hattiesburlesque prioritizes being over appearing. Performers take pleasure in their sexual expression rather than performing societal expectations.

27 Willson suggests that neo-burlesque performers are responding to "a need for self- invention and pleasure at a time when gender-sex imagery is becoming increasingly suffocating and colourless," and that the first step in creating their own image is "unashaming the body." 71

Willson speaks specifically of women who are surrounded by male-dictated imagery of femininity that often centers around shame, but I further her argument with my own queer narrative. Queer imagery is often defined by straight culture. These definitions are seen as either stereotypes (asexual as prude) or simply as "other" (asexual as the opposite of sexual). As

Willson suggests, "unashaming" the body is a core element of neo-burlesque, which I identify in

Hattiesburlesque.

Donning Femininity: Excess Femininity in Neo-Burlesque

As a genre of performance and parody, neo-burlesque frequently acknowledges and simultaneously rejects societal beauty ideals, resulting in an inclusive and supportive community. These elements of exaggerated femininity work further to point out that femininity is something to be worn, not an inherent quality. They also function as a way of unashaming the body. Sociologist Debra Ferreday writes about the exaggerated femininity of burlesque, such as the bright red lipstick and false eyelashes:

Mainstream femininity is grounded in shame; it has as much to do with erasure, with the

removal or disguise of the embarrassing and inappropriate (in the obvious forms of

'excess' hair - which increasingly means all hair - and fat, but also the disguise of

incorrectly shaped features) as with adornment. What is more, the feminine subject must

71 Willson, The Happy Stripper , 138. 28 constantly work to conceal the labour and anxiety involved in its production. In contrast,

high-maintenance femininity is shame-less. 72

Ferreday is addressing the modern obsession to be a "natural" woman, void of makeup and other affectation, but still beautiful, feminine, and perfect. There is a multitude of blogs and social media posts saying that men prefer women with no makeup, yet still expect women to appear clean, beautiful, and perfect. 73 Makeup tutorials boasting a "no makeup look" go to show how much work and makeup goes into appearing effortlessly flawless. The labor behind the appearance is hidden, promoting the belief that women must be "naturally" beautiful.

Furthermore, women should not put too much stock in their appearance.

I remember when my esteemed older sister first began experimenting with makeup. My mother, with her baggy jeans and her motorcycle, laughed in mild disgust. I remember seeing that exchange and vowing to not make my sister's mistake and not ever let my mother (or anyone) see me apply makeup. My mother inadvertently taught me that makeup and femininity is a weakness that must be hidden. The Hattiesburlesque performers playing with femininity, however, refuse to hide. They display quite literally everything, the excess femininity making no effort to mask itself. Hattiesburlesque abounds with sparkles and feathers, heavily painted faces and costumes that emphasize the female form and what it is expected to look like.

In an article about the shameful "high-maintenance" look of neo-burlesque, beauty blogger Nadine Baggot reveals the amount of work red lipstick requires. Not only is constant re- application necessary, but the lipstick also makes it impossible to kiss people or objects without

72 Debra Ferreday, "Showing the Girl: The New Burlesque ," Feminist Theory 9, no. 1 (2008): 56. 73 See for instance Jene Luciani's article, "What Men Really Think About Your Makeup," Shape Magazine , n.d., https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/beauty-style/what-men-really-think- about-your-makeup. 29 leaving smudging or leaving a mark. Baggot's concern over being unable to kiss implies that a woman should always be able to kiss and be kissed, available for sexual interaction at all times.

Lipstick, an icon of sexuality and femininity, should not interfere with the sexuality of the woman. Ferreday argues that the bright lipstick of neo-burlesque inverts the sexual connotations of lipstick, writing "in painting her lips she declares herself incapable of kissing: that is, she fails as a sexual object." 74 The lipstick operates as a symbol of femininity yet negates the possibility of sexual objectification. It does not prevent the wearer from being sexual but allows her to leave her mark on those she has interacted with. Rather than an object, she becomes the owner, marking her possessions with a colorful lipstick kiss.

Hattiesburlesque had made use of this imagery multiple times in their logos and promotional pictures. For their Halloween show in 2017 they gave out stickers featuring a full pair of bright green lips with fangs (I placed the sticker on my laptop, effectively "marking" myself). For their 2017 Spring show, their event picture showed a cartoon woman in fishnets, a disproportionately large lip imprint covering half of her body. In 2018, their celebratory 10th show advertisement replaced the "0" in "10" with an open, ruby red mouth with fangs. These images further demonstrate Hattiesburlesque’s parodic take on the feminine, juxtaposing lipstick with fangs and femininity with monstrosity.

I once had a partner who refused to let me kiss him if I was wearing lipstick (especially if it was sparkly). He would usually go to great lengths for any kind of physical touch, so I found his aversion to lipstick fascinating. If I so desired, I could wear lipstick as armor to deflect unwanted attention. Or I could brandish it as a weapon, wielding the threat of a sparkly kiss lip print. It was an odd paradoxical power that I thoroughly enjoyed: that in attempting to make

74 Ferreday, "Showing the Girl ," 56. 30 myself appear more attractive I in fact became less consumable. When in the Hattiesburlesque audience, I see performers wielding femininity as a weapon. Rather than a standard I must conform to, femininity becomes a tool.

I have always felt a high level of shame in regard to any display of femininity. During my first encounters with neo-burlesque, I felt intimidated by the awe-inspiring excess of femininity: the bright lips, the long eyelashes, the glitter. I had spent most of my life rejecting feminine products, afraid of wearing them incorrectly or of being shamed for putting so much work into my appearance. As I spent more time in the neo-burlesque scene, going to shows, taking classes, and meeting performers, I found it to be completely shame-less in regards to the work. There is no effort to mask the amount of time and practice that is put into their stage appearance and their routines. There is hard work to master the form, but there is no shaming of the effort behind the work, which applies to the movement as well as the makeup. It is rare that a neo-burlesque show runs smoothly, where props land in the right place or a corset comes off exactly when it's supposed to. When these hiccups happen on stage, the performer acknowledges them with an exaggerated sigh or facial expression directed towards the audience. These reactions also serve to make the audience feel as though they are "in" on the joke, bringing the audience and performer closer together. The shamelessness takes away the pressure and expectation of the performer to be perfect.

In her book Monster/Beauty: Building the Body of Love , feminist scholar Joanna Frueh introduces the concept of monster/beauty. Of beauty she says, "Ideal beauty attracts, whereas monster/beauty very likely attracts and repulses simultaneously." 75 Lynn Sally, neo-burlesque

75 Joanna Frueh, Monster/Beauty: Building the Body of Love (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2001), 11. 31 performer as well as Assistant Professor at Metropolitan College of New York, connects this concept with neo-burlesque, saying, "by showing one's monstrosity, one demonstrates one's humanity and one's beauty." 76 Monster/beauty relates to neo-burlesque not only with the routines juxtaposing traditionally horrific concepts with eroticism (such as Hattiesburlesque’s fanged lipstick stickers or their Halloween routine featuring Freddy Krueger 77 ), but also the extreme or exaggerated nature of neo-burlesque costuming and makeup. The "high-maintenance" look of bright red lipstick and the excessive use of feathers and glitter is a "deviation from convention in behavior, appearance, [and] representation ⎼ and starkly different from standard cultural expectations for particular groups of people, monster/beauty departs radically from normative, ideal representations of beauty." 78 Thus, monster/beauty does not deal with literal monstrous portrayals (although it certainly can and does in certain burlesque routines), but also relates to the excessive and high-maintenance nature of neo-burlesque costuming. Performers who already do not conform to heteronormative standards, such as members of minority or oppressed groups, present alternative performances of beauty. Through monster/beauty costuming, neo-burlesque performers also ask important questions about heteronormative beauty standards and ideals.

I further this discussion of excess femininity by emphasizing how these elements are put on the body. They are not inherent aspects of the body or of gender. In neo-burlesque, it is continually reinforced that femininity is like a costume, perhaps even is the costume that performers dismantle and strip off during the show. Burlesque does involve excess of the

76 Lynn Sally, "'It is the Ugly That is So Beautiful': Performing the Monster/Beauty Continuum in American Neo-Burlesque," Journal of American Drama and Theatre 21, no. 3 (2009): 8. 77 "Tear You Apart," Hattiesburlesque at the Haunted Hippo , choreographed by Rebecca Chandler, The Thirsty Hippo, Hattiesburg, October 20, 2018. 78 Frueh, Monster/Beauty , 11. 32 feminine, but it really equates to excessive use of makeup and feminized costuming that is applied to the body and then removed. In the 19th century, feminists attempted to desexualize their bodies by concealing and covering, adopting aspects of masculine attire to further distance themselves from "weak" femininity 79 (not to be confused with Thompsonian burlesque's masculine impersonation). This practice of desexualizing the body through dress is also seen in the 1960s "bra burning feminists." 80 Burlesque and neo-burlesque moves in the opposite direction, drawing attention to how the feminine is applied by using an excessive amount of it.

Performances of Deviance: Hattiesburlesque in Concert

The shamelessness of neo-burlesque can be seen in a variety of ways in Hattiesburlesque routines. Unless they are playing a character, performers move with extreme confidence. Struts are slow and luxurious, inviting the audience to look and acknowledging that the audience is looking. There is a striking vulnerability in moving slowly onstage, giving the audience a chance to see every part of the body from every angle. Hattiesburlesque performers display themselves with confidence and pride, completely unashamed of their bodies.

Much of the dancing is reminiscent of social dance: it is accessible to everyone, consisting of bobs and bounces to the rhythm of the music, hypnotizing hip sways, and shoulder shimmies that vibrate through the rest of the body. The movement is individualized for each performer and rarely in strict unison. While not complicated or innovative, the movements are done in a highly visible setting: on a stage, in front of an audience, with a wink and a smile. The audience sees the performer and the performer knows they are seen. Each performer has agency

79 Willson, The Happy Stripper , 134. 80 Ibid, 135. 33 in their visibility. They control who sees them and what they are allowed to see without offering any apologies.

Certain routines specifically address societal issues, such as a 2017 Halloween routine directly commenting on female agency. Performers tied in straitjackets and with duct tape over their mouths walk listlessly around the stage or sit writhing in vain to free their upper bodies.

Allen, who performs as a vocalist for the Hattiesburlesque House Band, croons into the microphone about being a "mad woman." As Allen's voice grows louder and more aggressive, the performers free themselves from their bonds and rip the tape from their mouths, gaining more freedom and agency over their bodies. They begin moving with purpose rather than despair, alternating between luxurious, internally-focused sways and more confrontational unison movement directed out towards the audience. 81 The piece symbolizes not only their right to their bodies, but also their right to speak and be heard as they engage with the audience. This agency is equally important for asexuality: the desire for the asexual orientation to be seen and heard, and the right to do what they want with their own body.

Other routines address gender and power dynamics. In their 2018 Halloween show, the third routine depicts a female dentist and her team of female nurses. The dentist watches as her nurses capture a male performer dressed in drag. The nurses pull him to the stage and push him into a chair, forcibly removing his wig and clothing. The nurses step back, taking evenly spaced spots on the stage to perform rigid unison movement, jerking their hips side to side and crossing their arms while the dentist examines her unwilling patient. The piece escalates with the use of oversized pliers, the dentist pulling a tooth and the patient spitting out an alarming amount of

81 "Mad Woman," Hattiesburlesque at the Haunted Hippo 2017 , choreographed by Rebecca Chandler, The Thirsty Hippo, Hattiesburg, October 18, 2017. 34 fake blood. The nurses, unfazed, drag the screaming, naked, bloody man through the audience while the dentist sits in the char, uninterested, unsympathetic, and powerful. It is a disturbing and powerful piece because the patient very effectively portrays terror at what is being done to him; there is no wink and smile while his body is being violated or while he is paraded through the audience covered in fake blood. 82 The song used for the routine and its lyrics, “show me your teeth,” can be connected to how women are often urged to smile more. This demand for a smile frequently comes from a male, usually a stranger. This routine takes the command to the extreme, depicting a woman viciously removing the teeth (and the smile) of a male. The nurses’ and the dentist’s own passivity and refusal to show their own teeth throughout the course of the routine can represent the woman’s stony and unappreciative response to being told to smile.

Several routines later, a woman is center stage on a pedestal as a goddess who luxuriously sways back and forth, manipulating her worshippers with a gentle wave of her hand.

Other performers parade through the audience until they are all seated beneath the goddess, gazing up at her in adoration. The worshippers parade back through the audience, paving a path for the goddess to also exit the stage. As the goddess fades away, the audience discovers that the same performer who had been the unfortunate dental patient has taken a seat on the pedestal while being fanned slowly by the only other male performer who is now also in drag. 83

These two pieces, whether they are meant to be seen in conjunction or completely separate, provoke thoughts and questions on gender identity and performance. The patient can be seen as having his identity forcibly stripped from him and being violently violated. Not long

82 "Teeth," Hattiesburlesque at the Haunted Hippo 2018 , choreographed by Rebecca Chandler, The Thirsty Hippo, Hattiesburg, October 20, 2018. 83 "Venus in Fur," Hattiesburlesque at the Haunted Hippo 2018 , choreographed by Rebecca Chandler, The Thirsty Hippo, Hattiesburg, October 20, 2018. 35 after, he reappeared as the worshipper of a female goddess. He showed no initial signs of rebellion or antagonism, yet still replaced her on the pedestal and was joined by the only other male performer. I read this as the patient finding a community of others with a similar identity and expression. Not that they are identical, but that they may have had similar experiences and a similar way of expressing their identity. After finding each other, they find a space for their community to be safe and yet displayed for others to see and recognize it. They achieve visibility, a minority group existing inside of and yet apart from the larger society.

Later in the 2018 Halloween performance, a performer takes the stage draped in green fabric and wearing an elaborate Venus flytrap headdress. She playfully glides around the stage, studying audience members as if trying to decide who to take a bite out of. A male performer in jeans, a flannel, and a straw hat enters, wielding an oversized pair of clippers to root out the "bad weed." He moves comedically slow, walking with stiff, uncoordinated legs, while the Venus flytrap is nimble and quick. When the gardener gets too close, the Venus flytrap removes her headdress to use as a weapon. As she snaps at the gardener, the roles reverse and he becomes the prey. His pants drop, revealing nothing but a dance belt, and the Venus flytrap claims the clippers for herself. The gardener, pants around his ankles, hops away. The Venus flytrap, grinning and winking at the audience, snips her clippers and pursues. The two performers disappear from sight and do not reappear. 84

I also read this routine as a portrayal of gender deviance, with the Venus flytrap enjoying her freedom and ability to express herself how she desires. The gardener appears and attempts to root out the "bad weed," presumably to make room for more desirable foliage. This symbolizes

84 "Maneater," Hattiesburlesque at the Haunted Hippo 2018 , choreographed by Megan Bradberry and Charles Cody, The Thirsty Hippo, Hattiesburg, October 20, 2018. 36 the desire for women who are silent, sedate, and submissive, as well as a man's effort to tame the woman into behaving a certain way. In this case, however, the tables are turned, as the Venus flytrap uses her deviance (her jaws, which notably resemble the shape of a vagina) to fight back, and then acquires the very weapon that was used against her. It is implied that she catches the gardener and castrates him, in a sense stripping him of his masculinity and sexuality. If we look at the Venus flytrap as a woman who has been pursued and violated, this can also be seen as a way of fighting back against sexual violence and rape.

Hattiesburlesque always opens and closes with large routines involving every performer, finding dancing space both onstage and in more unconventional spaces (such as on the bar). The performers are squeezed together in the space, dancing together or alone, flirting with the audience or focusing on a fellow performer. The conclusion of the 2018 Halloween show is done to a live performance of Rick James's "Super Freak," with the performers costumed in anything from rainbow tutus to leather body harnesses. Audience members dance in their aisles, still cheering as each performer exits the stage down the center aisle while Allen introduces each one. 85 The conclusion emphasizes each performer as an individual while simultaneously inviting everyone, audience included, into a celebration of self.

These various routines demonstrate the ways in which Hattiesburlesque and the neo- burlesque genre provide space for subversive gender and sexual identity performance. As a

Hattiesburlesque audience member, I feel loved and accepted and encouraged to be myself, while I also am able to show my support of the performers who have fully embraced who they

85 "Super Freak," Hattiesburlesque at the Haunted Hippo 2018 , directed by Abigail Lenz Allen, The Thirsty Hippo, Hattiesburg, October 20, 2018. 37 are and are not afraid to use their platform to make pointed comments on society and social norms.

As Dodds notes, the relationship between neo-burlesque performer and neo-burlesque audience is important; the performer constantly acknowledges the audience's presence through flirty winks, coy smiles, and direct eye contact, while the audience responds with applause, cheers, and whistles. The performer instigates this interaction by directly acknowledging the audience, which prompts the audience to cheer, which further fuels the energy of the performer.

In this way, the audience is given the agency to motivate and manipulate the performance with their "aural and kinetic feedback." 86 The audience contributes to the performance in one way or another, though they are never completely in charge. The burlesque performer frequently teases the audience by starting to peel off an article of clothing, then pausing until the audience voices their approval and admiration. If they are not receiving adequate attention, the performer may even directly address the audience verbally or with movement, prompting an active participation and observation. 87

In some ways, going to a Hattiesburlesque show feels like going to a party rather than a concert. Before the show starts it can be hard to tell who is a performer and who is not, as burlesquers and observers alike wear corsets and heels and glitter. Shows are a community event;

I always see people I know that I was not expecting to see: an old dance professor, that guy from my math class, the mayor of Hattiesburg. Although I have not lived in Hattiesburg for almost two years now, when I go back for a Hattiesburlesque concert I feel welcomed, loved and recognized.

86 Dodds, "'Naughty but Nice'" in Dancing on the Canon, 118. 87 Willson, The Happy Stripper, 164. 38 During the show, hosts Allen and Chandler chat with the audience as if they were old friends. They make specific references to the Hattiesburg area and to local public figures (such as

Mayor Toby Barker or local personality Cody), and play trivia and mad libs. Hattiesburlesque asks for consensual volunteers, never forcing anyone on stage or touching an audience member without permission. They aim for an environment of mutual respect between audience and performer, both being willing participants in the performance. Neo-burlesque often blurs lines between the audience and the performer, making it a very easy transition from audience member to performer. 88 I can confirm this from experience, as the more neo-burlesque I saw the more I wanted to do it myself, and the more shows I went to the more confident I became in my expression of gender and sexuality. Seeing others fully embrace and display their identity coupled with the constant encouragement to do the same gradually built up my own confidence in my identity and my body.

“People love to have a good time,” Bradberry said when asked about Hattiesburlesque audiences. “There’s alcohol and pretty people . . . but also people love to feel represented on the

‘sexy’ stage. We have much larger women, we have older women, transgender and drag queens and gay men. There are super shy, quiet women who get out there and do it anyway.” 89

Hattiesburg residents attend Hattiesburlesque shows not out of a desire to see naked female bodies or out of sexual attraction, but rather to take part in a celebration. As we the audience take part in Hattiesburlesque concerts as active observers, we also demonstrate an asexiness. We go not to see performers fulfill mainstream ideals and standards, but to enjoy their own bodies and sexualities and identities.

88 Dodds, "'Naughty but Nice'" in Dancing on the Canon, 118. 89 Bradberry, Megan. Interview by the author, November 12, 2017. 39 Neo-burlesque is not simply a sexy or sexual display. It is about comedy, politics, and identity. Hattiesburlesque prioritizes being over appearing , encouraging performers and audience members to be sexy in whatever ways they desire. These desires may manifest as asexy, as something that mainstream society would not deem sexy. Performers unashame their bodies by adapting certain aspects of femininity to suit their own purposes. Hattiesburlesque routines frequently poke at gender lines while promoting self-love not only regarding the body, but with gender and sexual identity as well. They create a celebratory space in which both performers and audience members can express themselves how they wish. Performers in this space are encouraged to express and explore their gender and (a)sexual identity and are greeted with enthusiastic acceptance. Neo-burlesque provides an environment where each individual can shamelessly be themselves, where I as an audience member can feel comfortable in my

(a)sexiness.

40 CHAPTER 2

ONLINE PERFORMANCE: FINDING A HERO

In the first chapter, I analyzed Hattiesburlesque from the point of view of a physical, in person audience member. In this chapter, I analyze the queerlesque community in the Dallas,

Texas area. Rather than being a physical audience member, I am now an online viewer. Unlike with Hattiesburlesque, all of my analysis of the queerlesque community in the Dallas area is done through viewing online videos and reading online texts. Chapter One was heavily informed by my own experiences as an audience member, and I was able to feel and describe the atmosphere Hattiesburlesque creates and maintains throughout a single show. For this chapter, I have only had access to online recordings which rarely feature an entire show, but instead are videos of individual routines from different shows and events. The experience of viewing burlesque is vastly different in online videos versus live performances, which I try to account for as I analyze the recordings.

Firstly, I have the power to start, stop, rewind, and fast-forward an online recording. This power can be helpful for close observation, as I can rewatch the routine for further study. It allows for very close and specific movement analysis. However it also means I can stop the performance at any time, taking that power away from the performer. The performer no longer controls what I see and do not see. In a live performance, I can walk out or close my eyes or block my ears, but I will still feel the energy of the performer and the audience. With a recording, I can close the page and turn off the computer at any moment. I am not forced to see the entire routine if I do not want to and they cannot show me anything I do not want to see.

Secondly, I lose the atmosphere and experience of being in and among the audience. The performer and the audience are in constant communication; the performer acknowledges and 41 teases the audience, who responds with cheers and laughter. Dodds calls this "aural and kinetic feedback," suggesting that the audience may have the power to motivate and even manipulate a performance. 90 Similarly, audience members can manipulate their comrades: one person voicing their approval can motivate other audience members to also cheer or applaud. When viewing burlesque performances online, I am neither affected by nor able to affect other audience members. Likewise, I cannot contribute to the feedback being given directly to the performer.

With these factors in mind, I have analyzed the queerlesque community in the Dallas area by looking at video recordings of performances and interviews as well as written articles by and on the performers and producers. I also keep the differences in my own experiences as embodied audience member versus online viewer. However, online performance recordings allow for deeper analysis of specific movements as compared to live performance, where I must rely on my own memory and sensory information to analyze the experience. It is also notable that the asexual community also exists primarily on online forums such as AVEN. The ability to connect with others over a vast geographical distance is not only powerful but often necessary for asexual individuals who are unable to find asexual peers in their physical area. Thus, it seems fitting for me to discover an asexy hero through the internet, and a discussion of online community is relevant.

I have also emphasized neo-burlesque's acceptance of all bodies, but there is evidence that there are sometimes limits to that inclusivity. Performers of color and sexual and gender minorities are often underbooked and underpaid. BrASS, a troupe in New York City, was founded specifically because the burlesque scene was "predominately white, cisgender, and

90 Dodds, "'Naughty but Nice'" in Dancing on the Canon, 118. 42 thin." 91 British performer Chocolat the Extraordinaire notes that only three of the fifty regular burlesque performers in her area were non-white. 92 The neo-burlesque movement has been largely white and largely silent on issues of race and sexual orientation. Burlesque blogger The

Irresistible O writes:

While many well known burlesque performers may carry the torch for campaigns like

body issues, self hatred, and body hate, they are markedly more quiet on issues of race

and sexual orientation. When race and sexuality are approached and asked to be spoken

out about by those who vehemently rally against bodily discrimination, all talks may

diminish or downright cease. The lack of discussion within the burly world about said

topics has left a gaping hole within the community and left members of the sparkly tribe

feeling alienated and misunderstood. 93

The lack of acknowledgment and support surrounding these issues is telling of a potential unease or unwillingness to make the community more inclusive. Multiple performers and producers of neo-burlesque are working to diversify the neo-burlesque community and make it more inclusive and supportive of all performers.

Scholars and performers alike have contributed to research on ethnicity and race in burlesque. Performers of color had a prominent role in the formation of burlesque. However, in the 20th century when white troupes began booking performers of color, they were only hired if their acts reinforced racial stereotypes. Chicava HoneyChild of Brown Girls Burlesque in New

91 Walter Thompson-Hernandez, "Burlesque, Redefined," The New York Times , April 28, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/28/nyregion/burlesque-redefined.html. 92 Chocolat the Extraordinaire, "Race and Burlesque: The Curious Case of the Performer of Colour," 21st Century Burlesque , February 7, 2013, http://21stcenturyburlesque.com/race- and-burlesque-the-curious-case-of-the-performer-of-colour/. 93 The Irresistible O, "Sexual Orientation and Burlesque," Burlesque Bitch , February 19, 2016, http://www.burlesquebitch.com/ezine.php?id=247&tzo=240. 43 York City says that there is still a lack of diversity in modern burlesque, and that "The African

American woman's experience in America is very much one of sexual dominance or of being dominated." 94 Groups such as Brown Girls Burlesque, BrASS in New York City, and POC

Burlesque in Chicago work to "Reclaim their bodies and reclaim their space," taking control over their own bodies and sexual expression. 95 On her blog, Taiwanese-American performer Hana Li discusses her own desire to reference her cultural heritage in her performances but tries to avoid falling back on racial stereotypes. She points to prominent Asian burlesquers such as Tura

Satana, Calamity Chang, and Shanghai Pearl, claiming that they rewrite the sexualized Asian stereotype by making the fantasy their own. 96 Certain Jewish burlesquers such as the Schlep

Sisters, Darlinda Just Darlinda, and Zoe Ziegfeld consciously use stereotypes in order to critique them, Hannah Schwadron describing it as, "the exaggeration of stereotypes (already exaggerations themselves) reveal their cartoonish absurdity." 97

Queer performers, often facing similar exclusion in neo-burlesque, have also begun creating their own spaces that are explicitly queer and free of oppression, discrimination, and trauma. The Irresistible O writes of a “don’t ask don’t tell,” atmosphere surrounding sexual orientation in many neo-burlesque communities, 98 while Lillith Grey writes about her partner being harassed at a show for using a certain bathroom. 99 To combat these occurrences, queer

94 Jordan Vesey, "How Performers of Color are 'Revolutionizing' Burlesque," PBS News Hour , posted August 18, 2015, https://www.pbs.org/newshour/arts/shimmying-beat-history- performers-color-burlesque. 95 Grace Gay, "POC Burlesque," Sceneandheardnu , posted May 2, 2018, https://sceneandheardnu.com/contemporaries/pocburlesque. 96 Li, "Identity in Burlesque," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School . 97 Schwadron, "Nice Girls Gone Blue," in The Case of the Sexy Jewess, 45. 98 The Irresistible O, "Sexual Orientation and Burlesque," Burlesque Bitch .. 99 Lillith Grey, "Queerlesque, WTF?" Pincurl Magazine , March 31, 2013, http://pincurlmag.com/queerlesque-wtf. 44 performers and producers are creating their own inclusive spaces, not only providing individuals with emotional support but also ensuring that queer performers have equal access to performing opportunities and paychecks.

In the past decade, the genre of queerlesque has formed as a community and environment for queer performers and audiences. It operates as a form of neo-burlesque (rather than mainstream) because it rejects heteronormative beauty standards and ideals while often employing strong political and social commentary. I focus on the Dallas, Texas area due to its rich and vibrant queerlesque community. Producer and performer Lillith Grey has had a strong impact in the queerlesque and burlesque scenes in Dallas. I also direct attention to the work of grey-asexual, genderqueer, Taiwanese-American performer Hana Li. In the past decade, the

Dallas area has become a vibrant hub for queerlesque, which frequently operates as a celebratory, affirming, and healing performance art. The performers have a strong community that provides support and safety from oppression and trauma. The community also allows the performer to explore their own sexuality and gender identity in a supportive and encouraging environment. The freedom to explore identity becomes especially important when considering the frequent invisibilization of the asexual spectrum. I argue that queerlesque operates as a celebratory, affirming, and healing performance art for gender and sexual minority groups, in which the performer has the power to show and tell the audience as much as and no more than they desire.

Queerlesque: Community, Affirmation, and Support

Although the Dallas community of burlesque is welcoming and accepting of queer performers, it still operates as a business. To a certain extent, burlesque troupes must still conform to social ideals in order to financially survive. According to Lillith Grey and burlesque

45 emcee Milo Cox, queer performers are underpaid and underbooked, and often experience harassment before, after, and during burlesque performances. In creating the Academy of

Queerlesque, the Texas Queerlesque Festival, and numerous other events, Lillith Grey and Milo

Cox are attempting to provide opportunities for performers who are, "Under-paid, underbooked and tokenized." 100 This involves not only creating the physical space and event, but deeply listening to audiences and performers alike to find out what changes need to happen in order for the events to be effective. They attempt to "elevate marginalized voices" in such a way that performers will continue to book jobs. For example, at the Texas Queerlesque Festival, they compile a casting book featuring information on each entertainer and then give the casting books to producers who attend the festival. 101 They not only create an event for queer performers, but use the event to encourage the creation of communities and opportunities.

In 2013 Lillith Grey founded the Academy of Queerlesque in Dallas, marked as a safe and inclusive space. The opening page of the Academy's website says, "Queerlesque is the space where burlesque and cabaret style performance art meet the wild and vibrant Queer community.

Queerlesque shows are fabulous spectacles of awesomeness created by, for and about the queer community, and aim to provide a safe and supportive stage for performers of all gender identities, sexual orientations, expressions, and styles." 102 The academy aims to nurture queer performers in a variety of styles from drag to burlesque to costume design, and with all levels of experience. They offer classes as well as one-on-one mentorship with active and experienced performers in the Dallas area.

100 "Lillith Grey and Milo Cox Interview," Dallas Voice , posted July 27, 2018, https://www.dallasvoice.com/lillith-grey-milo-cox-interview/. 101 Ibid. 102 "Welcome to the Academy," The Academy of Queerlesque , accessed October 18, 2018, https://theacademyofqueerlesque.com/. 46 Even outside of the academy, Lillith Grey has made a large queer impact on the Dallas area. She founded queer variety show Tuesday Tease, where Hana Li now serves as media coordinator as well as a regular performer. Lillith Grey currently co-produces the weekly queerlesque show Glitterbomb Denton and runs Salty Lady Burlesque in Denton, Texas. She is also the founder and co-producer of the Texas Queerlesque Festival. 103 In her "muggle" life,

Lillith Grey is a licensed psychotherapist and holds a doctorate in counselling psychology, masters in education for the deaf, and is certified in American Sign Language and K-12 education in Texas. 104 Her experience in mental health and psychology gives her insight as to the importance of identity affirmation and expression.

When Lillith Grey founded the Academy, many of her peers in the neo-burlesque Dallas world were supportive but confused. They did not understand why there needed to be a space explicitly devoted to queer burlesque when it was already welcomed into the neo-burlesque

Dallas scene. In Lillith Grey's own words, "Being queer in the Dallas burlesque scene is pretty freakin' cool." 105 In order to explain why she formed the academy, Lillith Grey first defines her use of the word "queer," saying:

We collectively reject those stupid gender checkboxes—we shatter them as we dance

wildly around the spectrum. We dance around the spectrum of sexuality, too, defying

labels that are dichotomous, knowing we don't have to either be 'gay' or 'straight,' but can

love and connect with people freely and in whatever way feels right. Queer takes away

103 Jenny Block, "Pillow Talk: 12 Things You've Always Wanted to Ask a Burlesque Dancer," Dallas Observer , August 26, 2016, https://www.dallasobserver.com/arts/pillow-talk- 12-things-youve-always-wanted-to-ask-a-burlesque-dancer-8631553. 104 Karen Bartlett, "About," Dr. Karen Bartlett, accessed December 4, 2018, https://drkarenbartlett.com/about-2/. 105 Lillith Grey, "Queerlesque, WTF?" Pincurl Magazine . 47 the need to categorize . . . so queer gives us space to connect, to celebrate, and to feel safe

with other people who don't live in the world of heterosexism and heteronormativity. 106

Thus, Lillith Grey's definition of "queer" encompasses not only the widely accepted acronym but also those who may not fit under a label. Those in the community do not have to worry about explaining their identity or answering intrusive questions, and feel no pressure to categorize themselves into specific labels. Queer theorist Alexander Doty says that any attempt to define the modern usage of the word "queer" goes against the very meaning of it which is to break apart conventional categories and labels. 107 By using the term "queer," Lillith Grey is able to open up space for a multitude of people without unintentionally excluding any identities. She describes it as:

An attempt to create safe space. It's a space to celebrate queer history and queer culture -

and we do have our own culture! . . . Instead of being one queer in a cast of non-queers

(which is fun and awesome and I love you all), I get to be in an ENTIRE SHOW of

queers! OMG heaven!! . . . And since all of us - our audience and our cast and crew -

walk in the same world, we can understand each other, support each other, and celebrate

each other. We can be a little more vulnerable, a little bit more real. For a few hours, we

can be unabashedly queer, and that's magic. 108

While the Dallas burlesque scene is supportive, Lillith Grey found it restrictive and often experienced miscommunications. Cast, crew, and even audience members of queerlesque have

106 Lillith Grey, "Queerlesque, WTF?" Pincurl Magazine . 107 Doty, "Introduction: What Makes Queerness Most," in Making Things Perfectly Queer, xv. 108 Lillith Grey, "Queerlesque, WTF?" Pincurl Magazine . 48 shared experiences that allow them to connect, understand, support, and celebrate together, which is crucial for minority groups.

An important aspect of queerlesque is a physical space free of traumatic triggers that often result from minority oppression. Lillith Grey says that "the experience of being queer in this culture creates a traumatized nervous system."109 Trauma results when an individual is unable to process and release a stressful event. When their nervous system recalls the trauma memory, it reacts as if the traumatic event is happening again, invoking the "fight or flight system” and treating it as a life-threatening event. 110 Queer spaces allow the nervous system to relax as opposed to being in a space where a member of the oppressive group is present, even if that individual is not an oppressor. Queerlesque performances enable queer performers to present their bodies and identities that have been oppressed and traumatized and then receive validation and support from the audience. Lillith Grey calls this the "act of unsilencing trauma," saying that even when the routine seems to have nothing to do with trauma, the performer is still working through their trauma by displaying their traumatized body. When they experience affirmation onstage or support backstage, they are "acts of people saying, 'I see you, I hear you, I believe you, I affirm you,' so that's healing." 111 Bodies that have been harassed, voices that have been silenced, and identities that have been erased take center stage to wild applause.

109 Brandi Amari Skyy, "Ep #11: Mental Health and Self Care in Drag with Lillith Grey Part 1," The Drag Show Podcast , podcast audio, October 4, 2018, https://thedragshowpodcast.com/index.php/2018/10/04/ep-11-mental-health-and-self-care-in- drag-with-Lillith-grey-part-i/. 110 Melody Walford, “Stress It’s Not in Your Head; It’s In Your Nervous System,” BodyWise Foundation , August 4, 2017, https://www.bodywisefoundation.org/blog/bodywisefoundation/nervous-system-trauma. 111 Brandi Amari Skyy, "Ep #11: Mental Health and Self Care in Drag with Lillith Grey Part 1," The Drag Show Podcast . 49 To bring further awareness to queerlesque, in 2017 Ted Velvet TV published a documentary series on YouTube about the neo-burlesque community in the Dallas area. The series is made up of nine five to ten-minute-long episodes. Throughout the series, various members attempt to describe the community and the strong impact it has made on their personal lives. Lillith Grey compares it to church, "We get that same kind of spiritual uplifting when we share the space." 112 In a later episode, performer May May Graves repeats the sentiment, saying,

"I find it to be very similar to a church community. As much as I offend churches." 113

The community also extends to providing financial assistance. Lillith Grey says that,

"When something happens to one of us, everybody helps." Performer Ben Dover adds, "A lot of us don't have insurance and we don't have money for medical expenses." 114 The queerlesque community frequently gathers together to raise money when members are in need. Performer

Tequila Mockingbird emphasizes the support system "Of people that also get on stage and show their bodies," which many community members had never had access to before. This "queer- friendly support group" serves to provide affirmation and healing for community members in need. 115

Although they share many experiences, the community also recognizes and values their diversity. Tasseled Squirrel says that:

Every single human being feels music and feels dance differently . . . It's just this

awesome artist collective . . . because everyone is so different in how they envision things

112 Ted Velvet TV, "Undefined Dallas Burlesque Episode 3 Perspective," Youtube video, 10:54, posted April 12, 2017, https://youtu.be/zX5HT19MF-I. 113 Ted Velvet TV, "Undefined Dallas Burlesque Episode 5 Community," Youtube video, 6:39, posted April 17, 2017, https://youtu.be/KOdzSYoQ6qM. 114 Ibid. 115 Ibid. 50 it just creates a better community because of the differences . . . Everyone is pooling

together to make something awesome, so it's not like other shows where it's like, 'Hm I'm

gonna trip you when you go down the stairs so I get an extra spot.' There's none of that.

Everyone wants everybody to look as good as possible so we can make something

awesome . . . It honestly feels like the one place I can show up and everyone knows

exactly who I am, and it's cool. . . There's no pretense, there's no, 'you have to be

somebody.' And it's rare. It's rare to find a place where you can be exactly who you are. 116

The community creates a unique space where queer experiences are affirmed and queer voices are heard. People who have frequently had to conform to heteronormativity are safe to be themselves and express themselves in ways that are true and important for them, which furthers the diversity and inclusivity of the community they live in.

As I rewatch this YouTube documentary series again and again, I pay special attention to my own reactions and feelings. I find myself connecting with the stories and yearning for a similar community. After believing I was alone for so long, I get excited to see and hear people who are like me and have similar stories and interests. These performers and producers quickly became my heroes without my realizing it. I am not alone in these sentiments, as in the documentary Ben Dover remarks that, "As time has gone on, they are now my peers instead of people I admired." 117 It is powerful to see your own story become so visible. In the physical performance spaces, they affirm and support each other. By also having a strong online presence, their community reaches across states and affirms and supports online viewers as well.

116 Ted Velvet TV, "Undefined Dallas Burlesque Episode 5 Community," Youtube video. 117 Ibid. 51 Hana Li: Gender Play and the Ultimate Asexy Tease

Lillith Grey invited Hana Li into the Academy not long after its inception, and Li joined almost immediately. She initially felt she "wasn't queer enough," because she appears to be a

"cisgendered, heterosexual female." 118 Her concern does not come across as surprising for people who have experienced erasure or "gatekeeping" 119 from within the LGBTQ+ community. If someone is not "queer enough" then they can experience exclusion and discrimination from the very community that claims to be supportive and safe. The Academy of Queerlesque, however, explicitly places asexuality in the acronym and the queer community, so Li entered the Academy and began attending classes and then performing in 2013. For Li, burlesque "is about stripping away those facades and assumptions" surrounding her perceived and true identities, creating a space for expressing her identity. 120

In writing about asexuality and burlesque on her blog, Li claims that, "burlesque is inherently sexual. Whenever I see discussions on burlesque, I see attraction get linked to sex, though." 121 Li is arguing that "sexual," "sexy," and "sex" do not always have to do with "sexual attraction," but the concepts are often assumed to go together. It is assumed that since Li performs burlesque, she must wish to be an object of desire, that she wants to be sexually desirable. Because she wants to be an object of desire, it is assumed that she must also be a

118 Li, "Identity in Burlesque," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School . 119 "Gatekeeping" refers to when members of the LGBTQ+ community attempt to exclude certain identities, claiming they have no place in the community for various reasons. Bisexuality, asexuality, and transgender are frequently on the receiving end of gatekeeping. See John Aravosis's article "How Did the T Get in LGBT?" Or simply search Facebook for "gatekeeping" or "exclusionist" groups. 120 Li, "Identity in Burlesque," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School . 121 Hana Li, "Burlesque, For Me, Is Not About Sex," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School, February 28, 2016, http://hanaliburlesque.blogspot.com/2016/02/burlesque- for-me-is-not-about-sex.html. 52 subject of desire, that she also desires sex or experiences sexual attraction. Addressing these assumptions, she writes about her own goals in performing neo-burlesque:

What I present on stage is sexual in that it typically has something to do with sex - be it

the moves, tone, or politics . . . Plus there's other emotions and intentions being expressed

in my performance. It becomes a game. I present an illusion and try to get the audience to

see through it into the many non-sexual emotions and concepts I've layered into the

routine. Burlesque, to me, is about power. 122

Li emphasizes the "tease" element of the striptease, a playful five minutes where the performer has complete power over what they show and tell the audience. She makes no attempt to desexualize her performances. Instead, she uses her performances as a way of exerting her

(a)sexual authority over the audience, inviting them to see aspects of her identity if they pay close enough attention.

Li regularly uses her performances to express different aspects of her identity. A common element involves switching mid-routine from one gender to another, playing with gender stereotypes as well as demonstrating how comfortable she is existing outside of the gender binary. In other routines, she rewrites Asian narratives to address her Taiwanese-American identity, attempting to honor her cultural traditions and heritage rather than further stereotypes.

Li continually demonstrates an asexy pride in all aspects of her identity, using the neo-burlesque performance space to subvert audience expectation, giving them a tease of what they want but then giving them what she wants.

122 Li, "Burlesque, For Me, Is Not About Sex," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School . 53 In her "Naked Snake" routine (inspired by a character from the video game series Metal

Gear Solid ), she enters the space with exaggeratedly masculine strides, dressed in army camouflage and false facial hair. Her steps are large and confident, taking up as much space as possible and causing her to repeatedly circle the stage in order to continue moving. As the music builds, she rolls a toy grenade offstage and takes cover behind a cardboard box. The song transitions and she returns, having removed the facial hair. Shortly after she rips open her shirt, revealing a sparkly black bra (referencing Quiet, a female character from Metal Gear Solid ). Her movements do not become smaller, but do become more delicate and graceful. She winks at the audience, tracing her hands down her legs and unzipping the sides as she goes back up. With her back to the audience, she wiggles her bottom flirtatiously before ripping off her tearaway camouflage pants. During the rest of the routine, she touches her breasts, sides, and hips frequently, rolls her pelvis, and shimmies her shoulders and breasts. 123

In this routine as well as others, Li begins by fully committing to a male character and embodying masculine behaviors, then stripping it away to reveal her feminine presenting body and lingerie. She demonstrates a comfortability and confidence in both the masculine and the feminine, combining the two in a way that subverts mainstream notions of gender roles and behaviors and harkens back to Thompsonian burlesque. On her blog, Li references this and other gender bending pieces as ways of exploring her own genderqueer identity. In 2017, she performed the routine at the Texas Queerlesque Festival as a personal protest of the government's proposed ban on trans people serving in the military. 124

123 Hana Li, "Naked Snake," Vimeo video, 3:56, posted December 8, 2017, https://vimeo.com/246386090. 124 Hana Li, "The Timing of Things," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School , February 4, 2018, http://hanaliburlesque.blogspot.com/2018/02/the-timing-of-things.html. 54 In her Mulan inspired routine, Li continued her exploration of combining what she sees as stereotypically masculine and stereotypically feminine. What is different about her Mulan piece is her constant fluctuation between "masculine" and "feminine" qualities. She incorporates martial arts and staff twirling with fluidity and grace, two qualities typically associated with the feminine. She juxtaposes this with "manly" poses, showing off her biceps as she pulls a bra strap down. She displays feminine grace as she executes a flying high kick, then manly pride as she draws attention to her breasts. Although her costume is masculine in the beginning and feminine at the end, her movements weave in and out of gendered qualities that does not "make a man" out of her but still rejects the label of "woman." 125

Li further explores her genderqueer identity through the creation of her alter ego drag king Tony Fo-Hawk. Li found herself wanting to focus solely on the masculine without wearing sparkles and a push-up bra underneath. While she originally started doing burlesque to become more comfortable with her feminine side, Li never lost her interest in cross-dressing and finally created what she calls her "failed attempt at a clone" 126 to further explore and embrace her genderqueer identity. 127 Li wanted to name her clone Lee Hua, but he took on a mind of his own. 128 His debut piece involved a skateboard while his name is a reference to skateboard legend

Tony Hawk. The pun on "faux" implies falsehood, referencing false assumptions about gender

125 Hana Li, "Making a Man Out of Myself," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School , April 19, 2015, http://hanaliburlesque.blogspot.com/2015/04/making-man-out-of- myself.html. 126 Hana Li, "Introducing… Tony Fo-Hawk," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School , October 18, 2015, http://hanaliburlesque.blogspot.com/2015/10/introducing-tony-fo- hawk.html. 127 Hana Li, "Creating Tony: From Tuxedo Mask to James Dean," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School , December 1, 2015, http://hanaliburlesque.blogspot.com/2015/12/creating-tony-from-tuxedo-mask-to-james.html. 128 Li, "Introducing… Tony Fo-Hawk," Lab Teched My Way Through Striptease School . 55 and how Li exists outside of the binary. In the name alone of her alter ego, Li continues to tease audiences about their perceptions.

In the majority of her gender bending routines, Li begins as a male character and transforms into what appears to be female. The repeated use of male-to-female transformations could be read as emphasizing the feminine as true, since she frequently ends her routines in female-emphasizing costuming. In her routine, “So Long and Goodnight,” she reverses the transformation, beginning in a long black wig, black cocktail dress, and black heels and transforming into Tony Fo-Hawk at the end. Although her movements are smooth and graceful as she traces her figure, her face expresses a deep anguish and despair. When she unzips her dress, a red strip of fabric resembling blood bursts from the bodice. Midway through the routine, she is seemingly dead, lying on her back with her hands crossed over her heart. The music returns and she rises, ripping off the wig. She rapidly dons pants, a black button-down shirt, and a red neck tie as she-now-he boldly addresses the audience. After fully becoming Tony Fo-

Hawk, he emits a completely different aura of confidence and boldness. He ends the routine by strutting off stage, displaying a seeming disregard for the audience’s opinion or reception of the routine. 129

In previous routines, the conclusion of Li’s strip coincided with the reveal of her feminine-presenting body. In “So Long,” she allows us only a moment to see her body, depicting it as dead and lifeless. The reveal of the female form, typically the site of pleasure and the moment of climax in a burlesque routine, is rendered tragic and uncomfortable. Instead, the true reveal is in the appearance of Tony Fo-Hawk, who emerges from the lifeless body on stage.

129 Hana Li, “Tuesday Tease - So Long and Goodnight,” Youtube video, 3:43, posted March 4, 2019, https://youtu.be/YDoZCn2uugo. 56 As Hana Li and Tony Fo-Hawk, she creates more freedom for the donning and casting off of different identities. Her performances prove that asexuality does not need to be desexualized in order to be presented in neo-burlesque. Rather, she uses the sexual element to bring her identities to the forefront. She uses the striptease to reveal her body and then redress it.

Not only does she physically don different clothes, she shifts the context surrounding her body, her gender, and her sexuality.

José Muñoz stresses the necessity of heroes as a way for individuals to embrace their identity. Heroes are highly visible role models that represent the viewer in some way. In the

Introduction of this thesis, I underscore the lack of asexual representation and thus the lack of asexual role models and heroes. In this way, Li has become my own personal hero: an asexual genderqueer performer who places herself in highly visible settings (the neo-burlesque stage) and is vocal about her sexual and gender identities (through writing on her blog and giving interviews on both asexual and burlesque podcasts and websites). Her proud existence validates my own existence.

I find Hana Li to be unquestionably asexy. Here I use that word with a multitude of meanings: I use it in a celebratory way, calling her work effective and successful and meaningful to me. I use it to express that I am a fan of what she does. I use it to reference her own asexual pride and her bravery in attempting to visibilize her identities. My usage of "asexy" does not attempt to desexualize or to label her work as "not sexy," but instead complicates and questions what is sexy. Li as well as other performers are redefining sexy to fit their own terms, taking their representation into their own hands. They perform their own version of sexy which does not always align with heteronormative or patriarchal usages of "sexy." In this way, asexy can mean

Li is sexy and not sexy at the same time.

57 There is also something to be said about the online space that Li (as well as other members of her community) occupy. By placing her work online, Li opens it up to wider audience; her work can reach all over the globe (insofar as the internet is accessible).

Communications studies scholar Elizabeth Whitney writes that one of the greatest benefits of posting creative work online is its generative potential. By using the internet, queer soloists are able to operate collectively with each other despite there being only one physical body on stage. 130 Queer artists are able to contribute and foster an online community that may be less feasible in real life.

I link Li's vibrant online presence with the largely online asexual community. AVEN is the largest resource on asexuality, featuring informative articles and definitions as well as an expansive forum. On the forum, users can ask and answer questions relating to asexuality as well as discuss "Off-A" topics, such as television shows, books, and music. Erica Chu, visiting lecturer in Gender and Women's Studies at the University of Illinois at Chicago, notes the success of AVEN as an education based social network that has made it possible for asexuals all over the world to find a safe and welcoming community. 131 The formulation of asexual identity largely happened online on websites such as AVEN and Tumblr, where people began to realize that they were not alone in their experiences and worked to create language to describe themselves. 132 The asexual community still exists mostly online, as evidenced by the excitement asexuals (myself included) feel when discovering an "ace in the wild," meaning we unexpectedly encountered another asexual in the real world. Because of asexuality's online presence, it seems

130 Elizabeth Whitney, "The Dangerous Real: Queer Solo Performance in/as Active Disruption," Comparative American Studies: An International Journal 14, no. 3-4 (2016): 248. 131 Erica Chu, "Radical Identity Politics: Asexuality and Contemporary Articulations of Identity," in Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives (Hoboken: Routledge, 2014), 187. 132 Ibid, 186. 58 fitting that Li would also create an online space to share her work. I find myself doing the same whenever I create anything related to asexuality: I feel the desire to post it on AVEN or Tumblr to connect with other asexuals who may appreciate my work.

Staging Asexuality: Representation and Identity Performance

While Li most frequently uses burlesque as a platform to explore and express her gender identity, she has also played with asexuality on the stage. She often wears asexual pride socks

(thigh highs with purple, white, gray, and black stripes) in routines, especially in queerlesque events as a way of saying asexuality belongs in the queer community. 133 She also created a routine on Sherlock Holmes, a character who has often been read as asexual by fans. On the wall behind her are two posters reading "I AM _ _ _ _ LOCKED," referencing a code from the BBC television show Sherlock starring Benedict Cumberbatch. Li's movements are small and precise, frequently gesturing to her head and moving her hands as if organizing information. Seemingly frustrated, she unbuttons her sleeve cuff and rolls up her sleeve only to discover a piece of paper with "R" written on it hiding up her sleeve. After taping the "R" to the posters, she begins taking off her clothes in search of the rest of the code. Throughout the routine, Li does not smile or flirt with the audience, instead staring them down as she studiously searches for the code. She embodies not only Cumberbatch's aloof and standoffish version of Sherlock Holmes, but also the stereotype of asexuals as being cold and emotionless. As she removes her clothes, she gives the impression that she is not at all thinking about showing off her body to the audience, but is only looking for the code. She proceeds to find another letter in her asexual pride sock, one in her underwear, and the final fourth clue in her bra. When she puts them in the correct sequence,

133 Hana Li, "Interview: Hana Li," Interview by Lauren Jankowski, Asexual Artists , September 29, 2016, https://asexualartists.com/2016/09/29/interview-hana-li/. 59 "SHER," she stands back and presents the completed code to the audience, far more proud of her code cracking than her semi-naked body. 134 Sherlock Holmes, after all, is far too concerned with his work to worry about things like sex. Asexuality is further showcased through Li's costume colors: purple, black, and gray for the asexual flag.

Using a pride flag is arguably the most effective way of performing an identity onstage.

For example, Rowdy Rory's use of the trans flag in “Roar” clearly mark it is a transition routine. 135 Even if an audience member does not know the identity behind the flag, they recognize it as a pride flag. The flag colors can also be incorporated into the costume, as in Li's

Sherlock routine where she primarily wears black and purple. Without the flag, audience members who know the flag colors may recognize them, while others may miss the reference.

For instance, in Li's Sherlock routine, there is no way of knowing how many members of the audience recognized the asexual flag colors or her asexual pride socks. The routine focused on an embodiment of a character rather than asexual pride, so anyone who is not already familiar with the asexual flag could easily miss it. This does not mean it is an ineffective method of representation, however. It may not always be important to the performer that the audience understands and recognizes the flag, but instead feels empowered simply by wearing it. It also serves as a way of communication directly with members of the audience who do understand.

The colors become an inside reference only for those already aware of the community.

Although Sherlock is not canonically asexual, he still stands as an asexual symbol for many asexual fans of the show. By incorporating the asexual colors into her costume, Li

134 Hana Li, "Hana Li - Sherlock," Vimeo video, 3:38, posted March 15, 2018, https://vimeo.com/260297973. 135 Adrien Grimm, "Rowdy Rory - Roar @ Tuesday Tease," Youtube video, 5:33, posted September 11, 2014, https://youtu.be/pIsw-XJVk_A. 60 references the asexual fandom (devoted fans of the television show), embodying their headcanon

(a fan theory) of Sherlock as asexual. For those who are not familiar with the asexual fandom of

Sherlock, the routine reads as the embodiment of a character of popular culture, playing off of show references. The entire meaning of the routine may not be understood by every audience member, but it is still accessible from multiple points of view. As an online viewer, I can re- watch the routine over and over again to find every moment of possible asexual representation as well as finding every reference to Sherlock.

Although there have been limits to neo-burlesque’s sparkling message of inclusivity and self-love, performers and producers are creating their own spaces for queer performers and performers of color. Queerlesque in Dallas operates not only as a genre of neo-burlesque but as a nurturing community in which performers can reclaim their bodies, heal trauma, and gain access to performing opportunities and paychecks. By performing their identities onstage in front of an audience, queer individuals such as Li performatively re-create their identities, shifting the context so that the audience sees the performer in a new way.

Rather than desexualizing the body in neo-burlesque, Li asexualizes her body. She uses the sexual element of neo-burlesque to present her own identities in sometimes surprising ways.

She repurposes mainstream sexiness, turning it into something not unsexy or desexy, but asexy.

With the dramatic removal of tearaway pants, Li shows off another layer of asexy pride socks.

With the unzipping of a black cocktail dress, Li turns the naked female body into something dead and grotesque, brought back to life through the crossing of traditional gender lines. Through her and her community’s large online presence, she becomes a powerful and much needed asexy hero lighting the way for my own exploration, experimentation, and embodiment of asexual identity performance.

61 CHAPTER 3

CENTER STAGE: BECOMING THE HERO

In the previous chapters, I have established that neo-burlesque provides a powerful platform for identity performance and promotes self-love and body positivity. I have examined it as a live audience member and as an online viewer, finding the asexy, queer hero I always needed. In this chapter, I discuss my own embodied research as a member of the Shaken Not

Stirred Burlesque troupe in Tallahassee, Florida. I move beyond identifying with a hero to actually becoming the hero. In this chapter, I become an active participant in neo-burlesque, moving from an audience member and online viewer to a performer.

Unfortunately, a full analysis of the creation and reception of an asexual pride solo is beyond this research project's time constraints. Instead, this chapter focuses on my time as a member of Shaken Not Stirred Burlesque, including the creation and workshopping process of an asexual pride routine that will debut April 20th, 2019. In this chapter I discuss being part of the supportive and creative burlesque community and the difference between being an audience member and a kitten. In past chapters, I discuss desiring and finding an asexual hero. In this chapter, I succeed in becoming my own asexy hero as Amethyst Ace of Shaken Not Stirred

Burlesque. I am not the first to put myself inside a performance in order to gain insight. Dance studies scholar Jessica Berson became an active practitioner to gain a kinesthetic understanding of striptease and the erotic.136 Dance theorist Yutian Wong has also employed an autoethnographic and performative process when researching Asian-American performance.

Wong questions what it means for an individual to “rehearse” their own identity to then perform

136 Berson, “Dancing the Brand: Striptease, Corporeality, and Corporatization,” in Perspectives on American Dance: The New Millennium, 163-189. 62 in front of an audience, a question that is further complicated when the performance is meant to represent a larger cultural community. 137 Referencing the work of anthropologist Johannes

Fabian, Wong writes that “a staged performance is not a symbol of culture but, rather, an enactment of knowledge that is part of a social dialogue that continues in a time and space designated as ‘not the performance itself.’” 138 The performance represents specific concepts and instances from rehearsal but does not include every possible outcome. In performances of identity, rehearsals involve the individual working through their identity politics and transforming them into material for the stage. 139 In what follows, I discuss my rehearsal process of navigating my engagement with asexuality and gender in order to create an asexual pride routine.

Shaken Not Stirred: Nerdlesque and Embodying Popular Culture

Shaken Not Stirred Burlesque has been performing in the Tallahassee area since 2014.

Their shows include classic burlesque routines such as fan dances and striptease numbers, as well as incorporating vocal routines and sideshow acts such as balloon swallowing. The troupe regularly presents “Talk Nerdy 2 Me” nerdlesque shows as well as being guest performers at conventions, performing routines inspired by popular and geek culture. Performers choreograph their own solos and regularly collaborate on group numbers. The troupe also teaches regular classes at Hip and Heart Movement Studio, featuring workshops on glove peels, feather boas, and tasseled pasties.

137 Wong, “Rehearsing the Collective: A Performative Autoethnography,” in Choreographing Asian America, 60. 138 Ibid, 61. 139 Ibid, 64. 63 When I approached the troupe about my thesis, they were enthusiastically supportive.

Although not a queerlesque troupe, the members are diverse and welcoming. I auditioned for the company in the fall of 2018, was accepted, and immediately began attending weekly rehearsals.

Their process for new members involves a three-month probationary period where the new member receives free training in the burlesque arts and works as a kitten (the burlesque equivalent of a stagehand or production crewmember) for their shows. During those three months, the new member also learns Shaken Not Stirred's signature opening James Bond number

(or "James Boned," as the troupe calls it). After three months, assuming the member has acquired several staple costume elements, the member is eligible to perform the opener in shows. Once they perform "James Boned," they are allowed to begin working on their own solo routines.

When creating a solo routine, the performer must do four previews, performing the solo in rehearsal for the rest of the troupe. The other troupe members then give feedback and offer suggestions. In addition to creating a creatively generative community, the previews ensures that the member has experience performing before actually stepping on stage.

As a nerdlesque troupe, Shaken Not Stirred regularly references popular and geek culture in their shows. Many of the members began by doing cosplay, recreating a fictional character through costuming. It is not simply dressing up as the character, but often involves a heavy amount of creative agency in re-interpreting the character. Cosplayers may embody characters they identify with and cosplay often serves as an opportunity for fans to re-imagine the largely white, heterosexual, and cisgender male heroes and characters of popular culture.

As feminists Lorraine Gamman and Margaret Marshment point out, popular culture is where "most people in our society get their entertainment and their information. It is here that

64 women (and men) are offered the culture's dominant definitions of themselves." 140 This method of gaining information becomes problematic when popular culture regularly features white, male, cisgender, heterosexual leads with no other representation. An issue that many consumers have is the difficulty in finding themselves in popular culture. A number of gender and sexual identities are regularly erased or misrepresented in popular culture. In cosplay, performers can literally re-create characters and shift the narratives to include other races, genders, and sexualities. 141

Nicolle Lamerichs links cosplay to carnivalesque and the subversion of the dominant order through humor or parody. Lamerichs suggests that the everyday is subverted by the cosplayer, someone who may usually be oppressed by the dominant order of society. The cosplayer constructs a new existence built off of a fictional character, gaining prestige and acclaim from fellow fans and cosplayers in the convention space 142 The costume serves as a creative and visual object, appreciated for its craftsmanship. Lamerichs argues that multiple bodies exist in cosplay: the body of the cosplayer and the body of the character.143 The relationship between these two bodies varies. Cosplayers do not necessarily take on the role of the character, instead donning the costume but still behaving as themselves. 144 Aoife Monks argues that this relationship is paradoxical and that the cosplayer body and the character body

140 John Storey, "8: Gender and Sexuality," in Cultural Theory and Popular Culture, (New York: Routledge, 2018): 154. 141 Emma Louise Backe, "Nerdlesque and Body Positivity Cosplay: Stripping Down Sexual Paradigms in Geek Culture," The Geek Anthropologist, April 12, 2018, https://thegeekanthropologist.com/2018/04/12/nerdlesque-and-body-positive-cosplay-stripping- down-sexual-paradigms-in-geek-culture/. 142 Nicolle Lamerichs, "Costuming as Subculture: The Multiple Bodies of Cosplay," Scene 2, no. 1-2 (2014): 117. 143 Ibid, 121. 144 Ibid, 119. 65 may "compete," suggesting that these two bodies cannot exist in harmony but that one must be in control.145 Yet many cosplayers purposefully embody characters that they identify with, choosing certain costume elements that highlight the connection between cosplayer/fan and character/costume. 146 Cosplayers are not solely becoming a character, but using the character to express aspects of their own personal identity. For example, when creating my own neo- burlesque routine, I looked to prominent asexual characters I could embody and cosplay as in order to display my own asexuality. I am not aiming to become the character, but to use the character to further self-expression.

Nerdlesque uses cosplay to evoke and embody characters from popular culture. The striptease element of nerdlesque heavily influences the costuming, as it must be easy to take off while performing. Nerdlesque allows for layering in both costuming and character: with every piece of clothing that is removed, a new layer of the costume and the character is revealed, playing off of subtle references that may only be understood by the fandom. For many nerdlesque audiences and performers, the joy is not in the exposure of skin, but in how the performer includes and uses references to the source material.147

One prime example is a routine performed by Ruby Rapture, manager and performer of

Shaken Not Stirred. She begins the routine as Princess Peach from Nintendo's series of Mario games. She is recognizable as Peach by her fluffy pink skirt and top, white stockings, blonde wig, and pink parasol. When she opens the parasol, a flood of gold coins scatters across the stage, referencing coins from the Mario games. Halfway through the routine, she retreats behind

145 Lamerichs, "Costuming as Subculture," 121. 146 Ibid, 119. 147 Backe, "Nerdlesque and Body Positivity Cosplay: Stripping Down Sexual Paradigms in Geek Culture," The Geek Anthropologist. 66 her parasol for a lengthy period of time before emerging as Bowsette, the female version of

Mario villain Bowser. Bowsette is not an official Nintendo character, but a fan-made version that became a meme on social media. Depending on who you ask, Bowsette is a female version of

Bowser, Bowser's wife, or Bowser's daughter. In her routine, Ruby Rapture takes advantage of

Bowsette's internet popularity and places her in the same routine as Princess Peach. The juxtaposition of innocent princess and sultry villainess is further nuanced by Bowser's role in the video games: most of the games involve Bowser kidnapping and attempting to marry Princess

Peach, while the player (as Mario) must attempt to rescue her. Fans of the Mario games and the

Bowsette meme could instantly recognize and appreciate these various layers inside Ruby

Rapture's routine.

Both burlesque and traditional cosplay has often been criticized for its sexual displays, whether in the striptease on stage or the revealing costume at the convention. The display of sexuality inherent in burlesque performance re-orients the female cosplayer experience. Female cosplayers have regularly been criticized for revealing costumes, accused of taking part in the objectification of women. Neo-burlesque is an unashamed display of the (usually) female body and female sexuality. Nerdlesque performer Elle Quinn describes burlesque as, "You can enjoy my female form in all its beauty on my terms. I am telling when and where and how and why to look. That is liberating." 148 The performer not only has creative agency over their re-imagining of the character, but body autonomy over how much they show their audience.

148 Backe, "Nerdlesque and Body Positivity Cosplay: Stripping Down Sexual Paradigms in Geek Culture," The Geek Anthropologist. 67 Revisiting Femininity: Recognizing Gender Identity

When I first began attending burlesque classes and rehearsals, I immediately ran into several issues. With my extensive dance background, I found the choreography simple enough to learn, but not necessarily to execute. No matter how much Diamond Dahl broke down the movement, I simply could not get my butt to move the same way. I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out if my asexuality had anything to do with my struggle to move my hips and pelvis. Ultimately, I realized my asexuality had nothing to do with it. I had spent the majority of my life in a religious and classical ballet setting that aimed to desexualize the female body as much as possible. The hips and the breasts were never discussed, unless they were too large to ignore. Then I was taught how to conceal them. Rather than conceal, burlesque draws attention to. It felt both embarrassing and liberating to physically admit that I had curves, though it is still something I struggle with.

In most Shaken Not Stirred group routines, there are sections involving improvisation.

For example, the beginning of "James Boned" involves four counts of posing. Although these poses are not required to be sexually provocative, I usually find myself awkwardly standing for a long period of time rather than striking a series of poses. When I expressed my difficulties,

Obsidian Rose said that in order to pose sexy, you have to learn to love at least one part of your body. Then you accentuate or highlight that body part by touching it, gesturing to it, or presenting it to the audience. This lesson forced me to actually look at my body and consider why I did or did not like it. What Obsidian Rose called a “sexy pose,” I found to be a confident and self-loving pose, emphasizing not what the audience may want but what you as the performer want.

68 Rehearsing burlesque also directed my attention to my own comfort and discomfort with femininity costuming. I had always admired the aesthetic of burlesque: the corset, the stockings, the garters. I find it visually satisfying to look at and was excited to try wearing it myself. I bought a corset, dance heels, a garter belt, and even a pair of gloves. When I put them on, I encountered varying degrees of discomfort and gender dysphoria. On different days I noticed different responses to wearing dance heels. Some days I enjoyed it and could easily wear them for the whole rehearsal. Other days the sight of them made me queasy and I wanted nothing to do with them. The corset, which accentuates the breasts and waistline, sometimes gave me confidence, forcing me to stand up straight. Other days, I could only wear a baggy shirt that masked the shape of my chest. I found myself wishing that my curves were also accessories that could be taken on and off at will, readily available on days where I wanted to feel feminine, and hidden from sight on the days where I felt genderless.

I do not believe I would have been able to discover the fluid nature of my gender without experimenting with the burlesque accessories. Unlike my physical body, I could take these accessories off at any time, even on stage. With the addition and removal of feminine costuming,

I could cross traditional gender lines while still feeling at peace with my body. When I confided in troupe member Mystic Opal about my gender dysphoria and discomfort with the more feminine aspects of burlesque, she immediately pointed me towards her favorite burlesquers and boylesquers such as Russell Bruner. His performances are not remotely feminine, but still employ the satirical humor and striptease of burlesque. 149 Mystic Opal reminded me that I did not have to wear a corset, nor did I have to wear heels. These elements are easily modified so

149 GoldenEchoFilms1, “Russell Bruner at Burlesque Hall of Fame 2012,” Youtube video, 4:36, posted February 16, 2013, https://youtu.be/VNNoIjOTvGE. 69 that I have a variety of costumes to choose from depending on how I am experiencing my gender on any given day. For example, instead of a traditional garter belt, I bought a pair of men’s sock garters. Rather than lace, these garters are thick elastic with metal snaps.

I began to approach my gender expression as a kind of energy barometer. As I wore makeup and heels, my feminine energy would decrease. Knowing this, I would conserve my energy so that when I used it I could use it to its full potential. If I wore a dress, I wanted to also wear makeup and heels. As I continued to experiment, I began to recognize how the rest of the troupe also seemed to apply or put on femininity, and how much it was a performed rather than natural inherent behavior. Neo-burlesque does not showcase femininity; it puts it on and parades it across the stage while juxtaposing it with behaviors that are not traditionally feminine. Troupe members burp, make lewd jokes, make unattractive facial expressions, and regularly swear at the audience over the course of a concert. It is a constant play between femininity and a-femininity, that which women should not be.

Performing Asexuality: Conceptually, Choreographically, Performatively

Coming into this project, I had several ideas on how to "stage" asexuality in neo- burlesque. I considered inside jokes, asexual stereotypes, and asexual fictional characters. I was greatly concerned with respecting the asexual community and also effectively communicating asexuality to the presumably allosexual (non-asexual) audience. If I relied too heavily on inside jokes and references, it could speak to asexual audiences but go over the heads of an allosexual audience.

In the asexual community, it is a common inside joke that asexuals prefer cake to sex.

When asked the question, "How can anything be better than sex?" many of us can honestly answer, "Well, cake." On AVEN, new members are given "cake" (a cake emoticon) by the

70 community in the introduction forum thread. One definition of “asexy” even references baking skill.150 Perhaps I would dance for the cake rather than for the audience. Maybe instead of popping out of the cake, I climbed into it at the end. Although there were plenty of ideas around this topic, there were also several issues. There are many, many connotations surrounding cake that exist outside of the asexual community. "Eating cake" is slang for performing oral sex on a woman, and "cake" is also slang for vagina. I could have embraced these associations and repurposed the meanings for my own use, but ultimately I decided not to. In Shaken Not Stirred,

Ruby Rapture already has a highly popular Strawberry Shortcake routine involving a cake, and to be honest, I prefer pie anyway.

My second idea was to incorporate a joke that is not as embraced by the asexual community. When telling people (in my experience, usually males) about their sexual orientation, asexuals often get the hilarious response: "Oh, like a plant? You reproduce asexually?" One memorable conversation I once had involved the question, "So you're part comodo dragon [sic]?" I contemplated how I could disguise myself as a plant and then strip down to humanity or vice versa. Perhaps I could even asexually reproduce some seeds or regrow a limb as a gecko. This idea is still on my to do list, but I conceded that the costuming was too complex for my first time doing burlesque.

I then considered a more generic asexual pride routine involving fans in the colors of the asexual flag (purple, white, gray, and black). I had never danced with fans, but I frequently performed with large unwieldy props in ballet, so it did not seem like a great stretch. I went as far as attending a solo workshop with Ruby Rapture to learn how to make custom feather fans.

150 Urban Dictionary , "asexy," June 19, 2006, https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=asexy. 71 Making the fans is much cheaper than buying premade ones and also allows customization of the colors – there are no premade asexual flag feather fans for sale anywhere I can find. The workshop was informative and useful, ultimately teaching me that a fan dance was not currently feasible and would also have to be shelved until a later date. Although it is a cheaper alternative, making a quality feather fan is still expensive and requires the time, tools, and space to put together. Since I wanted to make the asexual flag, I would have had to buy four different colors of feathers - much more expensive than making a monotone fan.

I continued to consider the embodiment of asexual characters and figures in popular culture. This kind of routine would fit in with Shaken Not Stirred's aesthetic of nerdlesque and cosplay, and if the audience were familiar with the character they would also be able to recognize them as asexual. The only issue here is the distinct lack of recognizable asexual characters in popular culture. In order to be effective, the character would have to be from a popular source. I came down to two options: Jughead Jones from the Archie universe or Todd

Chavez from Bojack Horseman (2014-present).

Because of Riverdale 's huge popularity, 151 Jughead Jones is now more recognized from the television show rather than the comic series. In the television show, he is portrayed as heterosexual. His popularity as a character is linked directly to his relationship with another character, and is often considered a brooding heartthrob. 152 Despite the show creator's claim that

151 Allison Herman, "Teens Don't Watch TV - So Why Do They Love Riverdale?" The Ringer , October 18, 2017, https://www.theringer.com/tv/2017/10/18/16492324/riverdale-season- 2-teen-phenomenon. 152 For example, if you search on the internet for "Jughead Jones," you immediately see pictures from the television show and one of the first web results is a Cosmopolitan "A Definitive Timeline of Betty and Jughead's Relationship on 'Riverdale,'" chronicling the couple's best kisses. 72 Jughead is exploring his sexuality, 153 Jughead is shown being romantically and sexually paired exclusively with women. For this reason, I am hesitant to create a burlesque routine around him in an effort to stage asexuality. Undoubtedly, an effort to reclaim his (a)sexuality could be powerful and important, but would not be as effective as a way of celebrating asexual pride. This brings me to my final idea: Todd Chavez from Bojack Horseman . Todd Chavez is one of the few canonically asexual characters on television, having his own coming out subplot and episodes featuring in-depth explorations of his asexual identity. Unlike Jughead, Todd is recognized as asexual.

When I decided I was going to do neo-burlesque, I was determined to perform an asexual routine to Panic! At The Disco's "Hey Look Ma I Made It," simply for the line, "Everything's coming up aces." 154 They repeat the line multiple times, giving ample opportunities to reveal an asexual clothing layer or scatter Ace playing cards across the stage like confetti. As I began considering Todd Chavez for the routine, I could not help but feel that the song complemented his personality and character. Todd is considered a couch surfer and a bum who floats along with life, coming up with strange ideas that are rarely successful but enjoying life anyway.

Meanwhile, the Panic! At The Disco song is discussing the band's wild success and the dangers and troubles that have come with it. I find it particularly meaningful as a soundtrack to my first burlesque solo performance, as my own mother would be far from proud of me for being openly queer and taking my clothes off on stage.

153 Bell, "Cole Sprouse's Jughead is Still Figuring out his Sexuality, Riverdale Producer Reveals." 154 Panic! At The Disco, "Hey Look Ma, I Made It," Pray for the Wicked , Fueled by Ramen, 2018, mp3 file. 73 Once I had the song and the concept, I created an outline. I would begin dressed as Todd, with an oversized red hoodie, blue sweatpants, yellow hat, and flip flops. I would quickly remove the flip flops in the most tantalizing way possible. When the song first says,

"Everything's coming up aces," I would unzip the hoodie to reveal a white tee shirt with the sparkling letters "ACE." Underneath the sweatpants would be white boxer shorts (in Bojack

Horseman, Todd Chavez often appears only in boxer shorts). Beneath the tee shirt and boxers are asexual colored lingerie (purple, gray, and black). Todd's signature yellow knitted hat would stay on for the entire routine. Performing as Todd also allows me to play with gender, something I have been acutely aware of since coming out as non-binary. With Todd, I am able to simultaneously be both feminine and a-feminine. I embody Todd’s masculine character with my feminine presenting body, combining his masculine clothing with my feminine undergarments. I can move between movements that are exaggeratedly masculine or feminine, juxtaposing awkward manly struts with equally awkward feminine posturing.

Shaken Not Stirred periodically has solo workshops, in which the senior members volunteer their time to teach other members a variety of subjects. Once I had begun experimenting with a Todd Chavez routine, I signed up for a workshop with senior member

Mystic Opal, who had expressed enthusiasm and interest in my research before. Our first order of business was logistical: when and where I could perform my asexy routine. Although Shaken

Not Stirred is not a queerlesque troupe and did not have a pride-themed concert planned, there was a mini-themed concert celebrating smoking weed and being queer, scheduled on April 20th at the beginning of pride week and alliteratively titled "Puff Puff Pride." With this concert in mind, Mystic Opal and I created a timeline for the creation of the asexual pride solo. The solo would require four previews performed in the weekly troupe rehearsals. Additionally, the final

74 preview had to be at least two weeks before the routine is to be performed. Because of this, I had to do my first preview by March 13th.

Once the timeline was complete, Mystic Opal and I discussed the routine itself. She agreed that Todd Chavez, as one of the only canonically asexual characters on television, would make an effective pride routine as well as fit the aesthetics of a cosplay and nerdlesque oriented troupe such as Shaken Not Stirred. I also expressed that I felt more comfortable in oversized, humorous costuming rather than overly feminine costuming. Mystic Opal agreed that a pride routine should focus on what feels true for me and pointed to the vast number of burlesque performers who focus on the parody and humor, herself included. She also recommended I pull from my ballet training, reminding me that the point of a pride routine is to be proud of who you are, and that it is always useful to showcase ability. I had been worried about incorporating balletic movement as it did not seem cohesive with a Todd routine, but Mystic Opal assured me that for nerdlesque concerts we could focus more on embodying Todd. As a pride routine, it is more important to represent the self.

Mystic Opal provided a plethora of ideas and guidance regarding costuming. She encouraged me to wear lingerie that I felt comfortable in, even suggesting ways to modify a bralette to make it an "A" shape in order to get asexual representation in every single aspect of the costume and routine. I had the idea of hiding Ace playing cards up my sleeves or throwing them into the audience, and Mystic Opal suggested Ace bandanas tied together to form a boa, which could also be hidden up my sleeve or in a pocket. She suggested that using an asexual flag, even if only to pose with at the ending, would be an impactful addition. Aesthetically, she was concerned about what to wear underneath the sweatpants, because once they came off there would be a lot of nude fishnet stockings and bare leg. Since I would be in flip flops, she

75 suggested tabi socks (Japanese socks designed to be worn with geta, or Japanese flip flops, and often used for cosplay). These socks could be worn with men's sock garters instead of a traditional garter belt, which could further exaggerate the fashion faux pas of wearing socks and sandals.

Our final task was to go through the song itself and sketch out an outline of ideas for the movement. To enhance the comedy, Mystic Opal recommended I spend time posing and posturing in the beginning, attempting to attain a mainstream standard of sexiness but growing increasingly uncomfortable the more I tried. She highlighted certain high points in the song which would be ideal for clothing removal or an ace item reveal. She also demonstrated certain ways to bring attention to body parts without sexualizing them. For instance, rotating the shoulders brings attention the chest area without specifically emphasizing the breasts. We agreed that the final reveal of the routine should emphasize power rather than sexuality, with the entire routine being a gradual transformation into complete confidence and pride in my identity.

In this casual conversation, I noted that both Mystic Opal and I were clear in differentiating titillation and sexiness, though neither of us paused to define either term. To titillate means to excite or stimulate, usually in a sexual way. To titillate is to tease, which is a staple of burlesque, with the performer constantly teasing the audience. The tease may insinuate one thing, but then reveal something unexpected. Though the result is different than the expectation, it still brings some form of pleasure to both the audience and the performer. This subversion of audience expectation can be seen in Ruby Rapture's Princess Peach routine in which she transforms into the villain Bowsette, or in Holly Onyx's Christmas Tree routine where instead of stripping, she ends up stapling ornaments to her body and becomes the Christmas tree.

Burlesque subverts the audience expectation through titillation, suggesting one thing but then

76 revealing another. In my Todd routine, the goal is not to completely disregard or reject titillation and tease, but to use these elements for my own purposes. Instead of entering the space in high heels and a corset, I enter in flip flops and a hoodie, but treat this costume with extravagance and glamour.

When choreographing the first version of the Todd routine, I donned all the costume pieces, turned on the music and a video camera, and simply danced. I let myself enjoy myself. I indulged in the goofiness of trying to remove oversized clothing while making bedroom eyes at the camera. I took pleasure in my own body and in the music. With the outline Mystic Opal and I had created, I improvised my way through the three-minute routine. I watched the footage, noted the parts that were awkward or what articles of clothing I had difficulty taking off. As someone who regularly danced in the restroom before getting in the shower, I found it surprisingly easy to dance while disrobing. What continued to give me trouble was the garters; I had purchased a pair of men’s garters that are made to keep the socks up and the shirt tucked in at the same time. I paired the garters with the tabi socks Mystic Opal recommended, and the combination never failed to amuse me. However, in order to remove my shirt, I had to unsnap all six of the garter snaps. Not only did I always run out of time, I also had a hard time finding new and interesting ways to undo each garter snap. To solve this, I took off part of the garters and flipped them upside down so that the snaps attached to the tabi socks instead of the tee shirt. This way I did not have to undo any of the snaps and could leave the garters and socks on for the entire routine.

Following Mystic Opal's recommendation, I experimented with the asexual flag at the finale of the routine. Even after switching my garters, I kept running out of time trying to pick up the flag, and then could not come up with any interesting movements to do with the flag. I then tried fashioning the flag into a cape but could not find a consistent and expedient way of putting

77 on the cape mid-routine. It would be much more convenient if I wore it the whole time, so on a whim I tried tucking the flag underneath my Todd costume. Since the sweatpants, hoodie, and tee shirt were all several sizes too large, the flag was barely noticeable. The added element of the flag-as-cape gives an entire new meaning to each article of clothing that is removed. When I remove my hoodie, I reveal a sparkling, bedazzled ace tee shirt. When I remove my pants, I reveal what seems at first to be a tail, but then unfurls into an asexual cape. When I remove my tee shirt, the flag becomes fully visible. I can manipulate it, twirl it, and hide behind it. During the finale, I hold one edge of the cape and spin, letting the cape completely enshroud me. It is during this moment that I feel liberated and beautiful, very much like a colorful butterfly who has just emerged from its cocoon.

The night of my first preview, I was incredibly nervous. It was my first time dancing solo in front of the troupe, and the first time I presented my own choreography to them. I knew it did not have to be perfect as it was a first draft, and previews are meant to elicit constructive feedback, conversation, and ideas. Still, I felt pressure to impress my peers and prove that I was a valuable member of the troupe. My first preview was still largely a structured improvisation following specific music cues. I began by posing with my hands on my hips and making an exaggerated kissing face at the audience. Uncomfortable with this pose, I lower my glasses and give the audience an overstated wink. Disgusted with my posing attempts, I turn away from the audience. I turn back a few moments later with renewed vigor, confidently extending my legs to remove my flip fops. With the first “everything’s coming up aces,” I unzip my hoodie to reveal the sparkling ace on my tee shirt. I spend the second verse of the song completely removing the hoodie ending facing away from the audience. As the second chorus begins, I pull my pants down to my ankles, execute a low turn in coupé, and then extend each leg to fully remove my

78 pants. The second time the line “everything’s coming up aces” is repeated, I unfurl the lower half of my asexual cape. When I remove my shirt, the full cape is revealed and I execute the final series of spins before ending with my hands on my hips, attempting to embody a confident, asexy hero.

From my very first pose in the beginning, the entire troupe was cheering their support.

Their enthusiasm gave me the courage to make direct eye contact. The troupe laughed at my exaggerated poses and their positive reaction fueled my bravery and pleasure. Throughout the routine, I continued to elicit the reactions I wanted: laughter at my comedy, cheers at my stripping, and gasps at my leg extensions. I ended with my final spin, flourished my cape, and unflinchingly presented my body to my audience. I received a standing ovation.

Rather than constructive criticism, I primarily received comments on what each person loved or appreciated, which told me what I was doing well and what made less of an impact.

Diamond Dahl said she had never seen a one-dollar pair of flip flops look so sexy before, and that she loved the way I took off my pants. Mystic Opal said I was stunning and she could see how much I had incorporated based off of our workshop and conversation. Sir Emerald Ives appreciated my use of the flag as a cape, especially since Todd Chavez also wears an asexual cape sometimes in Bojack Horseman . Priscilla Pearl said that she had no knowledge of the character or the television show but knowing what the flag meant made the routine meaningful for her.

I could clearly see the impact the routine had on both a fan of Bojack Horseman (Sir

Emerald Ives) and someone who had never heard of it (Priscilla Pearl). I included enough references and was attentive enough in the costuming that a fan could recognize and enjoy it. I also put enough work and care into the movement and the theme (asexual pride) that a non-fan of

79 the show could appreciate and understand the routine. While I received no direct suggestions or critiques on this version of the routine, I recognized and appreciated the troupe's dedication to supporting and loving a member's first ever preview.

Over the following week, I continued to practice the routine in front of a camera. I considered asexual pride and what it meant to perform it onstage. My way of being proud of my asexuality had usually involved wearing knitted hats or scarves or sharing a humorous but serious post on social media. Nothing had ever been quite as public, confrontational, or unapologetic as a neo-burlesque routine. This was the element that I was rehearsing and attempting to perform: that of unapologetic pride. The practicing of pride became a performative process. By continuing to rehearse pride, I began to feel it. By performing my pride in front of the audience, I made my pride a reality.

This routine, however, it is all about me. It is about me, my body, my identity, and my community. It is unapologetic. I feel my pride growing with every second that passes. Every time an troupe member laughs at a joke or cheers at a spin or widens their eyes when I transform into a twirling, colorful, butterfly at the end of the routine, I grow stronger. I start the routine in the corner, concealed in oversized clothing, nervous and uncomfortable in front of the crowd. I end it standing center stage, my body revealed and vulnerable. I whip my cape behind me and confront the audience directly with my gaze. Unapologetic and proud of my existence.

Very little of the choreography changed between first and second previews. My main concern was practice performing in front of people and maintaining consistency in the choreography. After the second preview, Ruby Rapture asked how I planned to style my hair and makeup, which introduced an entirely new concept I had not yet thought about. Mystic Opal enthusiastically suggested makeup in the asexual colors of black, gray, and purple, while Ruby

80 Rapture recommended I pin my hair back because so much of the routine relies on my facial expressions.

For my third preview, I tried wearing my newly knitted genderqueer pride hat instead of my asexual hat. The genderqueer hat was slightly smaller and I was hoping it would stay on my head until the right moment. I was also still trying to decide what hat to wear for the performance itself. Todd Chavez’s hat is yellow, but I had a plethora of knitted pride hats that would be suitable for a pride concert. Since I already had the actual asexual flag, it was decided that a yellow hat might make Todd as a character more recognizable. Despite its smaller size, my genderqueer hat came off far too early in the routine. When I got to the point it was supposed to come off, I improvised by adjusting my glasses on my nose. Afterwards, Holly Onyx told me that was her favorite part of the entire routine. Since I periodically have to adjust my glasses, I decided to fully incorporate it into the routine, moving my hat removal to a different spot (and making sure to pin it in place).

Before my final preview, I met with one of my Florida State University professors, Ilana

Goldman, to finesse the choreography. I admitted to spending a large amount of the routine improvising and waiting for certain music cues, so we worked to create more structure and make each movement clearer and bolder. Like Mystic Opal, Goldman urged me to incorporate more virtuosity, drawing on my ballet background. We added even more leg extensions and she coached me on my performance.

A question that arose during our rehearsal was my pronouns. When embodying Todd, who am I? Although I had spent a lot of time debating my own preferred pronouns, I had not considered them in relation to my embodiment of Todd or as Amethyst Ace. I hesitated to call

Amethyst Ace a “she,” but then a “he” also sounded horribly incorrect. When asked about my

81 pronouns, I answer “she or they,” which usually results in “she.” If I opted for “they,” then the host of the concert would introduce me as such, which would force me to be publicly “out” to anyone who happened to attend the concert. I was not sure if I was ready for that just yet.

By the time I performed my fourth preview in a Shaken Not Stirred rehearsal, the routine had become comfortable. I was certainly still nervous, but my confidence had grown. I did not have to concentrate quite as hard on the movement and could once again enjoy my body and the reactions it elicited from the audience. Through rehearsal, I had made my pride a reality.

Throughout the rehearsal and research process, I have engaged with various forms of asexuality, from stereotypical representations to inside jokes. The final performance will represent only a small portion of the rehearsal process, focusing on confidence and pride. I use the fictional character Todd Chavez as a way of presenting asexuality to the audience but allow my own identity to surpass Todd’s. My own pride expands beyond the confines of Todd’s character. If cosplay is indeed a fight for dominance between the body of the character and the body of the cosplayer as Monks suggests, 155 then my body wins the fight. I connect with Todd but then disidentify with him in order to perform my own representation of my asexy self.

155 Lamerichs, "Costuming as Subculture," 121. 82 CONCLUSION

TO PERFORM ASEXY

Neo-burlesque can be used as a platform for political, social, and sexual commentary, which includes identity performance. These identity performances may serve to reclaim a woman's sexuality, to explore genders, or to embody a marginalized (a)sexuality. The performer claims bodily autonomy and creative agency, controlling what the audience sees and when they are allowed to see it.

Throughout this process, I have followed my own personal journey of searching for an asexy hero, finding an asexy hero, and then becoming my own asexy hero. In the asexual community, there is no one absolute definition of asexy. There is no one correct way to use it.

For some, it is used to draw attention away from the body and focus on intellectual or creative appeal. For others, it means that someone is proudly asexual. I have placed my body back into the equation, applying "asexy" to my physical body to show appreciation, joy, and love for my asexual body.

In this thesis, I examined three different communities through three different vantage points. As a live audience member in Hattiesburlesque concerts, I witnessed a staggering amount of self-love and identity-positivity coupled with powerful displays of gender deviance and play.

As an online observer of the Dallas queerlesque community, I discovered an asexy performer who uses neo-burlesque to subvert audience expectations of gender and sexuality. As Amethyst

Ace of Shaken Not Stirred Burlesque, I have embodied asexy, physically displaying my identity and pride through neo-burlesque performance.

In the first chapter, I examine Hattiesburlesque in Hattiesburg, Mississippi, in order to establish neo-burlesque as a performance art that can provide platforms for gender and sexual 83 identity performance. Hattiesburlesque demonstrates this through their verbal support and affection directed at both performers and audience members. Performers are unashamed and confident, taking pleasure in the bodily spectacle of neo-burlesque performance. The audience is invited into a celebration of diversity and beauty.

In the second chapter, I discuss Hana Li and queerlesque. Li emphasizes the tease aspect of neo-burlesque, playing with the audience and their expectations. She regularly performs a variety of genders, often switching mid-routine to demonstrate her own fluid and queer relationship with gender. She also demonstrates the complex relationship between sexual attraction and sexual action. Rather than desexualizing her body, Li asexualizes neo-burlesque by repurposing mainstream sexiness, leading the audience in one direction only to show them her own fantasies and identities.

Chapter three tells my own story of becoming Amethyst Ace and embracing my physical body. In creating an asexual pride routine, I attempted to emulate the confidence of

Hattiesburlesque dancers and the asexy pride of Hana Li. I had to learn how to be unashamed of my body and how to display my asexuality with pride. After being able to identify with

Hattiesburlesque performers and Li, I was able to move on to create my own unique performance to celebrate my own unique identity. Through my experimentation with the excess femininity of neo-burlesque, I no longer feel pressured to fulfill one feminine role but now have the freedom to move between gender roles and performances. I become the asexy Amethyst Ace, a non-binary asexual performer confident and unashamed in their skin.

Representations of failed or inaccurate asexuality are easy to come by. It is equally easy to find fault with those representations that are initially created with care and nuance, such as

Todd Chavez and Jughead Jones. Asexuality, like all sexualities, is full of diversities that cannot

84 be clearly defined by one representation. Therefore it is important to remember that my own presentation and performance of asexuality is only one story and not everyone experiences asexuality the same way. I am adding my narrative and my presentation to the growing collection of asexual portrayals that are being controlled and presented by asexuals.

Much of the existing research on asexuality, some of which I have reviewed in this thesis, focuses on biological elements of asexuality or how asexuality re-conceptualizes and creates new language surrounding romantic and sexual attraction. Where research on asexuality is lacking is in examining the lived experiences of asexuals. With this thesis, I have begun to fill that gap by contributing my own experience of presenting and performing my identity as a non-binary asexual.

I entered into this project with the desire to link one of my passions to my identity, to prove that an asexual could enjoy and experience and perform neo-burlesque, and to prove that experiencing neo-burlesque does not invalidate asexuality. When I auditioned for Shaken Not

Stirred Burlesque, the senior members asked, "What are you hoping to gain from this aside from experience for your thesis?" I was startled and did not know how to respond. After thinking a moment, I was able to answer the question honestly: "To be more confident." Specifically, I wanted to be more confident as a woman and in a female body. I wanted to learn to accept my feminine presenting body; to get in touch with my feminine side.

Instead of embracing womanhood, I accepted that I am not a woman and embraced my non-binary gender. I have learned how to put on femininity and wear it for a while, and then to take it off. I have learned that wearing femininity changes neither my non-binary nor my asexual identities. Burlesque with its excessive femininity requires the performer to consciously think about what and how much they are putting onto their body (and subsequently how much comes

85 off). Adding on these feminine elements makes the performer appear more feminine. Adding these elements to the extreme makes the performer appear something feminine and more , drawing attention to the elements that imply femininity while the excess creates a monstrous or

"horrible prettiness." The corset cinches the performer's waist to an alarming size while the lipstick is bold, messy, and leaves its mark on everything it touches. In its unashamed, excessive femininity, neo-burlesque prompts us to consider what makes it feminine in the first place: the performer or the costume?

A friend once asked me if it was offensive to call an asexual person, "sexy." At the time, I said it would depend on the context and the asexual in question and their personal preferences and opinions. I did not think to ask my friend what they would be attempting to communicate when using the word, "sexy." In burlesque rehearsals, "sexy" can mean a movement or costume is exciting, effective, fascinating, powerful, sexually enticing, aesthetically pleasing, or a number of other emotions and sensations. In most if not all situations, it refers to the body and what the body is doing. In the particular community of Shaken Not Stirred Burlesque, we understand what someone means when they call something, "sexy." Outside of that context, the word can have an endless number of meanings, some of which may be unwanted and offensive.

Similarly, "asexy" will have different meanings in different communities and contexts.

Within the asexual community, there is no one absolute definition. The most common usage I have been able to ascertain is that "asexy" can be applied to someone, or something that belongs to someone, who is proud of their asexuality. Before beginning this research, I would have hesitated to call myself asexy. I was proud, but not comfortable or confident in my identity. Neo- burlesque requires confidence. To truly perform asexy, I have to perform confidence. Performing

86 asexy does not mean to perform a certain "asexual identity," but to perform my own unique asexual identity with confidence, love, and pride.

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93 BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH

Dexter Givens Sarah Givens, who now goes by Dexter Givens, began dancing classical ballet at age three. They hold a BFA in Dance Performance and Choreography from the University of Southern Mississippi. Their research interests include dance and the body as a way of identity performance, and is devoted to advocating for mental health and marginalized identities. They are a performing member of Shaken Not Stirred Burlesque in Tallahassee, Florida.

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