Archie Andrews and Betty Cooper haven’t spoken since the

infamous #LipstickIncident that broke them apart over the summer, and Betty’s having a rough time seeing him get over their relationship and move on with new girl Veronica Lodge. Even worse, their budding relationship is making Archie’s best friend Jughead Jones downright crazy. They have to step in and do SOMETHING, but Jughead’s not so sure about who they’ve chosen to do their dirty work…

• STORY BY
• ART BY

MARK WAID VERONICA FISH

• COLORING BY
• LETTERING BY

ANDRE SZYMANOWICZ JACK MORELLI

JEN VAUGHN

With

• PUBLISHER
• EDITOR

• MIKE PELLERITO
• JON GOLDWATER

Publisher / Co-CEO: Jon Goldwater

Co-CEO: Nancy Silberkleit President: Mike Pellerito Co-President / Editor-In-Chief:Victor Gorelick Chief Creative Officer: Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa Chief Operating Officer:William Mooar Chief Financial Officer: Robert Wintle SVP – Publishing and Operations: Harold Buchholz SVP – Publicity & Marketing: Alex Segura SVP – Digital: Ron Perazza Director of Book Sales & Operations: Jonathan Betancourt Production Manager: Stephen Oswald Production Assistant: Isabelle Mauriello Proofreader / Editorial Assistant: Jamie Lee Rotante

ARCHIE (ISSN:07356455), Vol. 2, No. 5, February, 2016. Published monthly by ARCHIE COMIC PUBLICATIONS, INC., 629 Fifth Avenue, Suite 100, Pelham, New York 10803-1242. JonGoldwater, Publisher/Co-CEO;NancySilberkleit,Co-CEO;MikePellerito,President;VictorGorelick,Co-President. ARCHIEcharacterscreatedbyJohnL. Goldwater.Thelikenessesoftheoriginal Archie characters were created by Bob Montana. Single copies $3.99. Subscription rate: $47.88 for 12 issues. All Canadian orders payable in U.S. funds. “Archie” and the individual characters’ names and likenesses are the exclusive trademarks of Archie Comic Publications, Inc. Copyright © 2015 Archie Comic Publications, Inc. All rights reserved. Nothing may be reprinted in whole or part without written permission from Archie Comic Publications, Inc. This periodical may not be sold except by authorized dealers and is sold subject to the conditions that it shall not be sold or distributed with any part of its cover or markings removed, nor in a mutilated condition, nor affixed to or as a part of any advertising, literary or pictorial matter whatsoever. No actual person is named or delineated in this fiction magazine and any similarities to real people and places in this fiction magazine are purely coincidental. All Rights Reserved or as otherwise approved by Licensor and Publisher. Printed in USA.

IF WE DON’T FIND THAT BALL, VERONICA WILL HAVE KITTENS

T

here is a valid school of thought that says that good villains must have realistic, complex motivations and sympathetic (or at least comprehensible) goals. As adversaries, they must be textured. By and large, I subscribe to this theory.

On the other hand, sometimes people are just jerks.

There’s a reason it’s “How The Grinch Stole Christmas,” not “Why The Grinch Stole

Christmas.” I already know why the Grinch stole Christmas: he’s a jerk, and his story

wouldn’t be improved one iota by adding a series of flashbacks detailing the traumatic

childhood that shrunk the Grinch’s heart two sizes too small. I don’t need his life story. I just need a villain to help drive the plot.

Reggie Mantle is the Grinch of Riverdale. Yes, I flavored the tale you just read with

some hints that Reggie’s parents are maybe not the most nurturing of Riverdaleians, and to be honest I’d thought up a lot of extra scenes that really help to explain why Reggie’s so callous and mean, but in the end it felt like I was trying too hard to answer questions no one was asking. He serves the Archie Universe best as a noxious ass with as few redeeming qualities as possible, and if that seems unrealistic to you because you don’t know anyone that self-centered, I humbly suggest that you are living a charmed life.

To help sell my point, we present “All Balled Up,” a classic tale from Archie #32, 1948. Reggie’s not the primary opponent within— as usual, that role falls to Archie’s own nitwitted lack of judgment— but it’s Reggie’s nasty attitude that starts the story careening down its path. Archie Andrews, to his credit, is nice to, and seems to generally like, everyone in Riverdale... everyone but Reggie, whose mere presence can provoke Archie into reckless action lest his nemesis get too close to Veronica, to Betty, or to any of Archie’s friends. (Did I say Veronica? Especially Veronica.) Often, Reggie

doesn’t even get the comeuppance he deserves because he’s just flitting in and out of

the plot to poke it along, but that’s okay; that’s his job. A few side notes: Bowling was actually pretty popular among kids of the 1940s, primarily because it was inexpensive and local. We can, however, assume that since Reggie can’t distinguish between a bowling ball and a basketball, he didn’t hit the lanes too often.

I have no idea why you’d declare an emergency assembly to dedicate a library steeple, but that is hardly the weirdest thing that happens in this story, so I say go with it.