17/05/2016

Dealing with Damn Difficult Colleagues and Clients 2016 IPA WA Regional Congress Board Accord - Robert Gordon

“Anyone can be angry … That is easy! But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.” Aristotle

Reality Check - the bad news

• We are wired for conflict • Conflict isn’t going anywhere, anytime, soon • Its expensive

“The financial crisis was as least as much a failure of BEHAVIOUR as a failure of Regulation” - The Walker Review

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Reality Check – the good news

• We are wired for co-operation and collaboration • Its possible to learn ‘people skills’

“Very often, people just don’t know how to communicate with each other in the workplace.” - Dr. S. Segal, Macquarie Graduate School of Management.

People drive performance … but Emotions drive people ‘’IQ is a threshold competence. You need it, but it doesn't make you a star. Emotional Intelligence can.” - Warren Bennis

Step 1 - Recruit staff for organisational fit

Selection Protocol - source, screen and select exceptional candidates …. who FIT the organisational culture.

IQ – critical EQ - “Achieving goals through the ability - • to manage your feelings and emotions • to be sensitive to, and influence other key people • to balance your motives and drives with conscientious and ethical behaviour.” - Henley Management College UK

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Stereotypical assessments of difficult people/behaviours

• Human Nature • Individuals are greedy, selfish, self-centred • EGOs / Narcissists / Psychopaths / Sociopaths • Clash of strong characters • Irreconcilable differences • Chemistry • Can’t listen

Line in the sand

Difficult behaviour or abuse? Inappropriate sexual, racial, ethnic abuse or behavior is not difficult behaviour. Its abuse/harassment.

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EQ in action - Communication

Master Negotiation Translate your ______into their ______

Communication Strategies

Master Communication 1. Assertion 2. Listening. 3. Hard on problem, soft on person – • Empathise • Negative Assertion • Question / Enquiry • I Statements • Time Out • Active Listening • Polite Repetition • LASSIE for the aggressive person

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Typologies – People Literacy

The problem with numerous popular typologies • The Complainer • The know-it-all • The Avoider • The Gossiper • The Fighter • The Hawk Behavioural/Psychological Typologies • DiSC – Dominant, Influential, Steadiness, Conscientious • Myers Briggs • Enneagram • MSCEIT

Developmental Modalities Action Logic Characteristics Strengths % Opportunist Wins any way possible. Self- Good in emergencies 5% oriented; manipulative; ‘might and sales opportunity makes right.’ Diplomat Avoids overt conflict. Wants to Good as supportive 12% belong; obeys group norms; glue within an office; rarely rocks the boat. helps bring people together. Expert Rules by logic and expertise. Good as an individual 38% Seeks contributor rational efficiency. Achiever Meets strategic goals. Well suited to 30% Effectively achieves goals managerial through teams; juggles roles; action and goal managerial duties and market oriented. demands.

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Developmental Modalities

Action Logic Characteristics Strengths % Individualist lnterweaves competing personal and Effective in 10% company action Iogics. Creates unique venture and structures to resolve gaps between consulting roles. strategy and performance. Strategist Generates organizational and personal Effective as a 4% transfor-mations. Exercises the power transformational of mutual inquiry, vigilance, and leader vulnerability for both the short and long term. Alchemist Generates social transformations. Good at leading 1% Integrates material, spiritual, and society-wide societal transformation. transformations.

The React /Respond Dilemma

• Between stimulus and response there is a gap. – Covey and Frankl • Fight, Flight, Freeze and Flow

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Managing Emotions

• Breathing • Acknowledge thoughts and Feelings – software • Hard on problem, soft on person • Communicate feelings/opinions without judgement or blame • Observe the button pushing • Shoot for improving relationship rather than point scoring • The more upset they are the less you say

Cognitive Bias – Life is a perceptual game Cognitive Bias a deficiency in our thinking, a flaw in judgment that arises from errors of memory, social attribution and miscalculations. • Confirmation bias – filter only what we believe to be true • Over confidence Effect – over estimate capability - greater risk taking. Experts are more prone. • Ostrich Effect – research suggests that investors check the value of their holdings significantly less often during bad markets • Blind Spot bias – fail to recognise in self and pick up bias in others more often.

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Adversary as the Teacher, the Instructor, the Mirror • “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” - Karl Jung • Psychological projection (blame shifting) is when humans defend themselves against their own unpleasant impulses by denying their existence and attributing them to others. For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude. • Shadow

Delete

DUMP the headache Problem solved?

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Board Accord

Robert Gordon BEd M Coun. GAICD ICCG (INSEAD) [email protected] www.boardaccord.com.au

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