Death may separate us physically, but it helped them to memorialize and cherish does not end the relationship; these Another woman who lost her William. As members of a community of moments help strengthen a relationship child through miscarriage said the faith ourselves, let us comfort those who with the child in a way that will be helpful mourn as we look forward together to a for long-term healing. They also give the best response she experienced time when all tears are dried and our broader Church a chance to grieve and came from a friend who said, “I families are whole once again. remind others of the significance of this came to cry with you” and child, who is entrusted for all eternity to presented her with a bag full of the Lord. A parish community can also *The story of Joanne, Fr. Thompson, Amanda, David, tissue boxes. and William (their names are changed for their privacy) support grieving families and honor the is just one example of the many lives touched by a lives of their little ones in other ways. miscarriage. To find out what pastoral resources may be available in your local area, contact your diocesan office Public support might take the form of an for more information. For liturgical resources, the annual memorial service or a memorial thoughts are normal, not to supply them Catholic Household Blessings and Prayers, Revised plaque in the church with the names of the with answers. Many consolers experience Edition (Washington, DC: USCCB, 2007) includes an feelings of inadequacy when they have no order of blessing of parents after a miscarriage or babies who have passed away. stillbirth and The Order of Christian Funerals: Vigil, answers or words of wisdom. They may Funeral Liturgy, and Rite of Committal, Bilingual Edition make statements that are not meant to be (Collegeville , MI: Liturgical Press, 2002) includes Personal support is also essential. Some prayers for a stillborn child and his/her parents. people become exhausted from their grief theologically flawed or hurtful, but often and are unable to maintain household are. While these comments are meant to chores. Their lack of energy makes it hard take away the pain, simply saying, “I am to keep up with everything, so providing deeply sorry your baby has died,” might meals or doing laundry or other chores often be the best thing to say. can help the family meet their common daily needs. Other times, simply being Although we may feel unsure how best to present is what’s needed. Another woman comfort those who mourn, we must stand who lost her child through miscarriage with them in their time of suffering. said the best response she experienced Miscarriage touches the lives of many came from a friend who said, “I came to people, yet all too often this tragedy cry with you” and presented her with a remains unaddressed. This lack of response bag full of tissue boxes. not only often leads to unresolved grief, but also fails to clearly manifest our belief Secretariat of Pro-Life Activities 3211 Fourth Street NE • Washington, DC 20017 Many people in their grief have almost a that each person, from conception onward, Tel: (202) 541-3070 • Fax: (202) 541-3054 compulsion to talk. They desperately want is precious and unique. The death of www.usccb.org/respectlife someone to know what they are going babies through miscarriage is a time to Find us at facebook.com/peopleoflife! through, and repeating the story of their honor their lives and to support their loss over and over can be part of the grieving families. Amanda and David were To order materials call toll-free (866) 582-0943. greatly assisted and comforted by family, Models used for illustrative purposes only. Photos: Cover and healing process. The role of the comforter Tissue Box: © Veer. All rights reserved. Mother and Daughter: © is to listen and reassure them that their friends and a parish community who Getty Images. All rights reserved. Copyright © 2014, United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, Washington, D.C.

1444 Fr. Thompson’s response was drawn from Amanda and David, sharing a powerful deep within the compassion of Mother moment of awe and grief. Church. While the young couple’s world was spinning out of control, he offered After some time, I spoke to the parents of something they could hold onto—God’s God creating this little one with them, and unconditional love. He opened the Bible, of how important their child was and asked me to read Psalm 139, and offered would continue to be to us all. I spoke of prayers of blessing. God weeping with them, comforting them in the midst of their grief. I asked if they I also talked to Amanda and her husband had named him. David’s tears ran down about what might happen next, his face and splashed onto the tiny baby as encouraging them to see and hold their he whispered, “William.” Fr. Thompson baby, take pictures and create keepsakes. gently touched William’s forehead and Fr. Thompson explained opportunities for made the Sign of the Cross with the water a funeral and burial service. Burying those of his dad’s tears. We spoke of God’s love who have died at any age is seen by the for William, and we commended his soul Church as a corporal work of mercy. to God. Therefore, the Church encourages a funeral rite for children whose baptism Later on, we assisted Amanda and David was intended by their parents, but who in connecting with a funeral home and died before being baptized. planning a funeral, graveside service and burial for little William. The family found It is estimated that one out of four mother, Amanda. Arriving in her room, we As the doctor came in, we prayed with comfort in traditional burial prayers pregnancies ends in miscarriage. This loss learned that labor was going to be induced Amanda and David, and then left the adapted to fit a baby’s life and death. can have a profound effect on the because her baby had already died. My room during the delivery. We stood outside mothers, fathers and families of the head was swimming as I was overcome the door praying the Rosary. The stillness People often assume that the needs of a children who pass away, and many of us with what Amanda must be feeling at this of the night was not disturbed by the family in this situation are mostly medical, may be unsure how best to respond to difficult time. joyful sound of a newborn’s cry. Instead, it and that the hospital or medical staff will those who are hurting. Joanne* shares a was punctuated with a grief-stricken take care of things. However, miscarriage personal story of her experience At first, I wasn’t sure what to do. But then, mother’s sobbing. includes emotional, relational and spiritual comforting a family going through this as a mother myself, I knew how to suffering that requires assistance from heartache. respond. I stroked her hair and rocked her The doctor spoke to us as he came out of family, friends and church leaders. The in my arms. Amanda’s husband David, the room with tears streaming down his immediate need is to help the family While working in my parish office one day, who was traveling, had been notified and own face. He said, “I can be the guide to become familiar with their options for I received a call from our local hospital, was on his way. When he arrived we physical healing, but their greatest need is providing a time and place to acknowledge where a mom had been admitted with fetal stepped back, giving the couple a private spiritual healing. I am so grateful you are the dignity and worth of their child. These distress. I was grateful that our parish moment to cling to one another. here.” We stepped back into the room include simple rites like naming and priest, Fr. Thompson, was able to go to the Eventually, David turned to us and asked, where we stood in silence and cried with commendation ceremonies, funeral rites hospital with me to visit this young “What do we do?” and burial or entombment.