Cultivating Power Circles for Iron Butterflies

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

Dr. Birute Regine & Susan Lucci

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

CONTENTS WHAT ARE IRON BUTTERFLY POWER CIRCLES (IBPC)? ...... 3 WHY A CIRCLE? ...... 3 HOW DO I BEGIN? ...... 4 THE INVITATION ...... 4 HOW DO I PREPARE THE SPACE FOR CIRCLES? ...... 5 CAN I LEAD AN IBPC IF I HAVE NEVER LED A SMALL GROUP BEFORE? ...... 6 ARE THERE ALTERNATE WAYS TO LEAD A CIRCLE? ...... 7 DO IRON BUTTERFLIES SOCIALIZE? ...... 8 HOW DO I MARK CIRCLE TIME? ...... 8 ONE SECRET TO SUCCESS: SETTING A VISION ...... 10 SHARED AGREEMENTS MAKE A CIRCLE FLOURISH ...... 10 MEDITATIONS ...... 12 BE PREPARED: SET AN AGENDA ...... 13 LEARN MORE ABOUT CIRCLES ...... 13 HANDOUTS ...... 14 ATTACHED HANDOUTS ...... 14 SELECTION OF VISION CONCEPTS ...... 15 SAMPLE AGENDA ...... 16 SAMPLE (TWO HOUR) CIRCLE OUTLINE ...... 17 SAMPLE INVITATION ...... 18 SAMPLE CHECKLIST ...... 19 SAMPLE WELCOME LETTER ...... 20 SHARED AGREEMENTS SAMPLE ...... 21 SHARED AGREEMENTS − SAMPLE #2 ...... 22

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

WHAT ARE IRON BUTTERFLY POWER CIRCLES (IBPC)?

Iron Butterfly Power Circles (based on Birute Regine’s book Iron Butterflies) are not therapy groups, book groups, or networking clubs; but rather, operate as an ever-evolving collaborative circle of peers, where every woman is able to lead and be supported in her leadership. The goals of an IBPC are to: • cultivate a different conversation among women • engage women of all ages all over the world • provide a safe, supportive environment for reflection, deep dialogue, sharing of stories and collective wisdom • sound an urgent call to action • raise consciousness, individually and collectively • experience the power of community in circle

Together in Circle, Iron Butterflies learn to: • change the conversation • transform their own and each other’s vulnerabilities into strengths • develop a dynamic balance between feminine and masculine skills • practice the art of true collaboration • see and value each woman as a leader • fully embrace their place as leaders • realize their collective power

WHY A CIRCLE?

“Circles encourage connection and cooperation among their members and inspire compassionate solutions to individual, community, and world problems. We believe that circles support each member to find her own voice and to live more courageously. We intend to see and nurture circles, wherever possible, in order to cultivate equality, sustainable livelihoods, preservation of the Earth and peace for all.” www.millionthcircle.org

While IBPCs are unique among circles of women, we are not creating a brand new social form here. Instead, we are “re-membering circle,” our original way of being in community. Being in Circle is an ancient process of consultation and

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

communion, a place for slowing down, respectfully listening and being heard, a way of being together that taps into the deep well of wisdom and creative thinking that emerges from sharing each other’s presence and perspective. The ancient archetype of Circle is alive in our consciousness. By remembering Circle, we magnify and intensify its magical ability to transform presence into a powerful collective energy. In IBPCs, this ancient archetype serves to activate women’s potential to transform themselves and their world.

HOW DO I BEGIN?

Begin by deciding how many women you want to have in Circle. This depends on the depth of sharing you desire, the size of the space available, how comfortable you are leading a group and in the end, how many women respond to your invitation. If this is your first time organizing a group like this, you may be most comfortable inviting close friends only, so you may want to start small, with as few as three other women and yourself. Maybe you have an existing book club or other kind of group that you can invite to become an IBPC.

Others of you may be so comfortable with groups that you are ready to extend the invitation far and wide. Send the invitation to your whole email list! Be bold and brave! Ask them to share it with like-minded women. Look for places where other women’s groups convene, and post your invitation there (coffee shops, bookstores, yoga studios, salons, school campuses). We live during a time of endless busyness, so be prepared that not all the women will make every meeting. So, despite their commitment, you should invite more than your ideal number to make sure you have a quorum each time.

THE INVITATION

“The invitation is about participation, not mere observation. We are not journeying in the universe but with the universe. We are not concerned about living in an evolving world but co-evolving with our world. We are parts of a whole, much greater than the sum of its parts, and yet within each part we are interconnected with the whole.” Diarmuid O’Murchu

Prepare your invitation with your own version of passion and inspiration. A sample Invitation is included; feel free to make it your own! When you do extend your invitation, prepare yourself for rejection. Trust that those who say “yes!” are those who are meant to be there. Don’t take the “no’s” personally.

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

“When our invitation,” as described in the work of Craig and Patricia Neal, “is made with genuine hospitality, generosity, and conviction, all manner of possibilities open to the meeting.”

HOW DO I PREPARE THE SPACE FOR CIRCLES?

Your living room may be the best place to gather; it’s hospitable, welcoming, personal and free of charge. Or perhaps your group would rather take turns hosting and move from house to house. Another alternative is to check out your local library for a group gathering room, contract with a yoga or pilates studio, progressive spa or health center, or even a private room at a beauty salon. Spend the time necessary to choose and create a space conducive to private, comfortable conversation, free from distraction.

This may sound obvious, but the seating for Circle should be arranged in the shape of a circle. Doing so sets the tenor that we are all peers, there is no leader or hierarchy here. You can pull together couches and chairs into the desired shape. Of course, you will want your guests to feel comfortable, sitting close enough to hear but not on top of each other, in a space that is roomy and cozy and absolutely free from interruption. Turn off all technology!

When creating your Circle space, consider including elements from Nature, such as live plants, flowers, rocks, shells, a water element, to imbue it with living energy. Also think about incorporating articles of beauty into the Circle. Having a window to the outdoors enhances the connection to Nature.

Having established the container for the Circle, now consider the center; it’s the focal point. You can simply place a single candle on a table in the middle of the Circle (remember the ancient fire?) or beautify it with other elements significant to the group or to the discussion. Invite others to bring a meaningful object as a way of making the space their own. After reading the section on ritual below, you may choose to add items like a singing bowl or chime and a totem or talisman to use for setting intentions. Consider placing a beautiful butterfly around the candle, on top of a pretty cloth or scarf. Having a beautiful, inspirational center sets the stage for a successful Circle and serves as a safe place to focus energy.

It goes without saying, but make sure at least the basics are available: a clean bathroom, drinking water, and tissues. Using these guidelines as a starting point, be sure to make the Circle your own. We each have a unique style of hospitality, so share it generously with your guests. After all, discovering the

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

spirituality of hospitality is one of the skill sets of an Iron Butterfly. (See more about “social butterflies” below.)

TIMING

Set the expectation at the beginning, agreed upon by consensus if possible. The Circle will begin at a certain time and end at a certain time and then consistently meet those time lines. Two hours is a good amount of time for a group of 8 women to spend in focused deep conversation. Experiment with your group and, if 1½ hours feels like enough time, then stick with that. Be aware of the women’s schedules. If your goal is to gather women with school-aged children, for example, then knowing the start and end time of the school day in your neighborhood is relevant. If you want working women to be able to attend, then you will be limited to nights or weekends. After researching, choose the optimal day and time and taking into account your own personal schedule and demands.

CAN I LEAD AN IBPC IF I HAVE NEVER LED A SMALL GROUP BEFORE?

Yes, you can! That’s precisely why we have created this model - for you! Admittedly being in Circle may seem like a foreign space and you may feel awkward or uncomfortable at first. Don’t judge your experience and feelings, rather, allow and accept them. There is no right way of being in Circle. Instead, stay present, be curious, commit yourself to deep listening. For many women this may be the first time they articulate very personal feelings, ideas, dreams and stories in public. Be there for them.

Your job as Convener is to: • create the safe space for sharing • hold each member to the simple rules established in the Shared Agreements • gently guide and keep the conversation flowing organically • model the spirituality of hospitality • be a feminine presence1

1 To be a feminine presence is to practice active listening, be highly attuned to the energy of the Circle, and speak only what is essential, from the heart. By doing this, you model a way of being in conversation for others to follow. Trust your intuition and the energy of the Circle. Be prepared and be flexible, as nearly anything can and will happen! © 2012 Birute Regine & Susan Lucci. All Rights Reserved. www.IronButterflies.com 6

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

ARE THERE ALTERNATE WAYS TO LEAD A CIRCLE?

Of course! Here are a few different methods to consider. Perhaps your group would like to share leadership, by taking turns facilitating and/or hosting the Circle from meeting to meeting. You could even decide to co-facilitate, sharing the leadership with another woman. Having taken this training, you will be able to serve as an official IBPC Convener.

Convening a circle is different from facilitating a circle. By definition, facilitation is "the process of making things easier." Convening is operating within a leadership capacity that sets the conditions for participants to co- create the best possible outcome through authentic engagement. As Convener, you will model an Iron Butterfly’s spirituality of hospitality and be welcoming, a practice of generosity of spirit, inclusion, collaboration, and authenticity. Even if you’ve never led small groups before, you will be able to begin convening Circles.

Some IBPC Conveners have made Circles into a small business by inviting the public and charging a fee. Depending on what the market will bear where you live and other details such as frequency, length of meetings, refreshments, you may decide to charge $20 or more per person, per gathering. If you choose to charge, we recommend you collect the payment in advance, as taking the time to handle finances at each session can be distracting. By making a financial commitment to IBPC upfront, women are more likely to make attending Circle a priority. Perhaps most importantly, charging a fee places value on your efforts! Do some research and see what similar offerings cost, so your rate is fair and competitive. (At a bare minimum, consider the price of a movie ticket in your area!)

Before calling an IBPC, carefully consider which method suits your personality and needs best. If you are going to share leadership, you will obviously need the assent of the other women and at least one planning session to divvy up the material and responsibilities. Consider that there may be a member of your IBPC who is not comfortable leading the group, but is willing to host. As you can see, there are many possibilities for collaboration and many ways to create a place for deep conversations! (Let us know which style suits you best: [email protected].)

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

DO IRON BUTTERFLIES SOCIALIZE?

Absolutely! Connecting with each other in “ordinary” conversation is integral to the development of the Circle relationships and should be encouraged. At the same time, to mark Circle space as sacred “time out of time” you will be in charge of defining and limiting the conversation. Consider inviting the women to come early or stay later for chitchat. One idea is to gather for tea/coffee before Circle. Depending on the time of day that you gather, consider offering dessert or a potluck supper. If you decide to include wine, it is recommended you imbibe after the discussion rather than before.

Circle is not a place for gossip, complaints, sales pitches, free advice or the airing of personal laundry. Until the women are used to this unique form of dialogue, you may have to remind them to stay on topic or gently interrupt someone who advises, gossips, or leads the conversation astray. Remember, we are working to achieve a collaborative environment where all lead and are also supported. They will thank you for keeping everyone on track.

To encourage women to continue the conversation outside the face-to-face time in Circle, we have created an online community for all Iron Butterflies to participate (see www.ironbutterflies.com). Here, you will have the opportunity to continue your conversation in an exclusive virtual community, connect with women in other Circles, and create special interest Circles (such as healthy Iron Butterflies, green Iron Butterflies, and new moms Iron Butterflies, Iron Butterflies and their caterpillar daughters). We strongly encourage you to collaborate with us as we organically grow this vivacious vessel of Women’s Wisdom! Your experiences and shared life stories are an invaluable ingredient.

HOW DO I MARK CIRCLE TIME?

The best way to mark Circle space as extraordinary is through ritual. One ritual is to begin with the breath. “Respiration” means literally to re-spirit, to rejuvenate. This is a wonderful opener; simply take a deep breath together, indicating a way of conspiring together. “Conspire” means literally “to breathe with.”

Next, make sure everyone is comfortable and settled in and that ordinary conversation has come to a close. Then begin with a silent and deliberate lighting of the center candle and ringing of the singing bowl or bell, to change the physical atmosphere and the energetic vibration.

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

Begin with a brief welcome, and then invite each woman to say her name and set her intention, where she wishes to focus her energy here and now. Begin with the person to your immediate left, so that setting intention moves in a clockwise fashion, in keeping with ancient circle-setting rituals. Alternatively, you can begin by setting your intention first, which is a great way to model it (especially if this is the first Circle). Let people know that passing is always permitted in Circle, which at this point means silently naming an intention. You can pass a totem, such as a small stone or talking stick if you like.

For many women, leaving their inner critic at the door may be a practice that takes several sessions to master. One way to do this is through breathing, and/or ringing the bowl/bell. Encourage the women to let go of all that has come before. Your role is to model feminine presence, being here and now sensitive to the energies of the group. Again, this is a practice; you will become more present with practice.

Once the Circle has been opened, if it suits you, you may proceed with the meditation (see Meditations section below). After that, you may choose to do a brief check-in, inviting the women to succinctly answer a simple icebreaker question or share a short “here and now” statement, a description of what they are aware of in the present moment. Be diligent here; when you open the floor, it may be interpreted as a time to unload. The more specific you are in your invitation to share, the better. (For example, “Using weather forecasting language, how are you feeling right now?” And their answers might range from sunny to cloudy to stormy.) From here, proceed to the questions for discussion and activities that you have chosen from the Guidebook.

The Convener is also the time keeper. When there are approximately 10 minutes remaining, invite the women to pause, reflecting on all that’s been shared, and then you can briefly weave together loose ends before bringing the Circle to a close.

To close, invite the women to reflect for a moment on the gift or challenge that presented itself in the Circle, or to name what is most alive for them at this time. You can do this with a moment of silence, by inviting a few sharings or by having them write it down. Collecting comment cards is a wonderful way to receive immediate feedback from the group. Simply pass out small index cards, allow for a moment of writing, and then collect them.

The Circle is officially closed by reversing the opening steps. Starting with the person on your right this time, you may pass her the stone/totem if you like using this device, go around the Circle counter-clockwise, inviting each person

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

to name what they are grateful for or whatever you feel suits the moment. After the Convener rings the bowl/chime and blows out the candle, sit together for a moment in peaceful silence, simply holding all that has been shared. Offer a word of transition such as “thank you for being here” and invite people to sit for a while before diving back into their lives. The Guidebook offers some suggestions for closing. Experiment with different ways and discover your own personal way of closing Circle.

ONE SECRET TO SUCCESS: SETTING A VISION

“Without a vision, the people perish” is a well known biblical adage that applies in Circle as in life. In the very first Circle gathering, invite people to set a personal vision for their Circle and then form it into a collective vision for your IBPC. A sample is attached; make it your own. From time to time, you may wish to revisit the group’s vision, if it seems to be shifting or evolving. Resetting vision is a powerful way to align the group.

SHARED AGREEMENTS MAKE A CIRCLE FLOURISH

Together, you all share the responsibility for creating and holding the safe container of the Circle. Although you will serve as Convener, all come to Circle as equals. There is no hierarchy, no leader per se in Circle. As we practice being present and sharing our presence, the Circle will generate a magical energy all its own. For the Circle to flourish, all participants will need to agree to some ground rules, best set upon with the first Circle, with periodic reminders and adjustments, as needed. Two samples are attached for you to choose, edit and make your own. However, there are some absolutes that are consistent among all Iron Butterflies Power Circles:

• Speak one at a time, for yourself and from your heart. When sharing, please limit it to your own personal experience. Do not speak about or for others. Succinctly share the Essence of your insight. Notice how much you are speaking or not and self-correct to balance. Most often in daily conversation, we speak from the mind. In Circle, our goal is to share from the depths of our heart. Notice the difference.

• Critical to the success of the Circle is to recognize that Active Listening is the key that makes authentic speech possible. Encourage each other to be courageously vulnerable in their sharing. Focus on and be receptive to what others are saying (instead of thinking about what you want to say next). Silence and pauses are perfectly acceptable in the Circle just as

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

rests are critical to making music and the space between the logs provides the fire’s snap and crackle. The pause is as important as the action.

• Namaste: “the light in me honors the light in you!” When addressing each other, be respectful. Use names when possible/appropriate. Endeavor to see each other as beacons of light and hope. Remember we are all more alike than different.

• Protect confidentiality - Although generally, “What is shared in the Circle, stays in the Circle,” is a good rule, information of a general nature that is gleaned within Circle may be shared outside of Circle, so long as no individuals are named and no private details are revealed. No doubt, powerful stories and emotions will arise; we all agree to hold them in the safe container of the Circle.

• No one, including the Circle Convener, is to be considered an expert. Our focus is to dialogue about practices and methods, and to share stories and insight as a way of tapping into the collective wisdom that arises with the calling of the Circle.

• Each person is responsible for herself and the energy she brings to the Circle. If the need for professional help arises, all agree to seek competent care. Circle is not intended as a substitution for medical care, therapy or professional help.

• The Circle is more about process than progress. This is not Weight Watchers; we won’t be able to measure our progress from Circle to Circle. Rather, our goal is to connect and deepen those connections, make meaning together, discover resonance, evolve and co-create a better future.

• Although being in Circle may be therapeutic, IBPCs are not therapy groups. Our aim is not to be fixed nor to “fix” each other. Frankly, we are not broken. This is not an empowering group but a group about remembering our power and amplifying it. It is about connecting to and embracing the Iron Butterfly that is already in you. Here, we serve each other as witnesses to each other’s lives. (This can be one of the most challenging rules to uphold as we women are well practiced in the fine arts of advising and fixing.)

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

• Suspend assumptions or judgments. Please leave your critic (of self and others) at the door. Instead – allow, accept, and address what surfaces within you and within your interactions. Welcome the unknown. Be curious.

• Let go of the need to have a particular experience or outcome. Allow yourself to be truly present and participate in the Circle from your heart space. You may leave with more questions than answers; that is a good sign that things are percolating.

• We are not of the same mind, the same view or the same experiences and this diversity makes our discussion so much richer. Embrace your differences and learn from them.

• For the Circle to flourish, please commit to practicing these behaviors: attend every Circle (unless an emergency arises), perform necessary self care, and do the suggested reading/reflection assignments in between sessions. Devote a regular time every week to conduct your MEsearch: take a deep dive to investigate and check in on who you are and becoming.

• Have fun! Remember that IBPC’s and sisterhood are to be enjoyed! Live, laugh, love, and learn!

MEDITATIONS

Beginning each Circle with a short meditation helps people transition to a different way of being: it slows them down, moves them into their heart space and encourages them to become more aware of the present moment. If this is not your forte, feel free to use silence, peaceful music, or even a recorded meditation. There are numerous resources you can access online or at the library. Because the Circle begins with meditation or silence, it means everyone should come on time. It is highly disruptive to have people arriving in the middle of intention-setting or meditating. Make this clear in your welcome letter, so that if people absolutely cannot come in a timely fashion, they know not to enter Circle until after the meditation.

For your convenience, we have prepared guided meditations in the Iron Butterflies Power Circle Guidebook. These were specifically designed to coordinate with the theme of each chapter of the book. Feel free to use and adapt them, as needed. If, instead, you find another form of meditation that

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide you prefer, go ahead and use that instead. Your comfort and the group’s relaxation are keys to a rewarding Circle; practice whatever form of meditation you choose so you are comfortable with it.

BE PREPARED: SET AN AGENDA

Although we have given you enough material in the Guidebook to spend two to three Circles on each Chapter of Iron Butterflies, it may not be possible initially to have the women commit that much time. Included is a Sample Agenda, which may be laid out with monthly Circles or biweekly sessions. We encourage you to do what works best for you and the group.

Once you have set the length of time for each Circle gathering, decided on questions and activities for that session, plan the specific timing for each exercise. Even though you may not follow it precisely, it is a useful exercise to make sure you can fit it all in. Use the Sample Agenda as a guide.

LEARN MORE ABOUT CIRCLES

• The Millionth Circle: How to Change Ourselves and the World, Jean Shinoda Bolen • The Circle Way: A Leader in Every Chair, Christina Baldwin and Ann Linnea • Calling the Circle: The First and Future Culture, Christina Baldwin • Women Writing for (a) Change, Mary Pierce Brosmer • The Art of Convening, Craig and Patricia Neal

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

HANDOUTS

ATTACHED HANDOUTS

For your convenience, we have provided all the materials you need to start a circle. Please feel free to adapt these documents as you see fit, provided you maintain the essence and intention of each. Following are handouts for your convenience:

1. Sample Vision 2. Sample Agenda/Circle Outline 3. Sample Invitation 4. Checklist 5. Sample Welcome Letter 6. Sample Shared Agreements 7. Sample Outline

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

SELECTION OF VISION CONCEPTS

Our vision for our Circle is to:

• activate the ancient archetype of the Circle • create a safe space to reflect and dialogue deeply • reach outside of our comfort zone and be courageously vulnerable • connect, make meaning, feel inspired and be empowered to take our place as leaders • take full responsibility for ourselves and the energy we bring to Circle • enhance feminine presence by: 1. nurturing the collaborative spirit, 2. dreaming big, 3. wedding vulnerability to collective power, 4. discovering the spirituality of hospitality, and 5. initiating the cascading power of care • discover the intersection of our heart’s desire with the needs of the world and take responsibility for acting on what we care deeply about • activate our highest potentials • support and collaborate with each other whenever possible • bring about personal transformation and participate in social transformation by taking action and changing the world

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

SAMPLE AGENDA

Although we have given you enough material to spend two to three Circles on each Chapter of Iron Butterflies in the Guidebook, it may not be possible to have the women commit to that much time. Extend it to as long as you want; also condense sections, such as doing two chapters in one session if you want

Here is a 15-meeting agenda which could be organized as monthly Circles or biweekly sessions:

• Initial Planning Meeting: Setting Vision & Shared Agreements • Chapter 1: Webs: Earning My Wings • Chapter 2: Remember: Tracing Herstory • Chapter 3: Caterpillars: Close the Gender Gap • Chapter 4: Choices: Pursue Your Passion • Chapter 5: Gladiators: Dealing with Mucho Macho • Chapter 6: Tears: Heal the Hidden Wound • Chapter 7: Split Vision: Dispelling Gender Distortion • Chapter 8: Chrysalis: Shedding Self-Imposed Limitations • Chapter 9: Bodies: Listen to Inner Wisdom • Chapter 10: Divinities: Following the Spiritual Light • Chapter 11: Tilt: Accepting the Gift of Injustice • Chapter 12: Relationships: Letting the Heart Fall Open • Chapter 13: Leadership: Cultivating Feminine Presence • Summation; What’s Next?

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

SAMPLE (TWO HOUR) CIRCLE OUTLINE

• 1:00 OPEN CIRCLE, WELCOME • 1:02 SET INTENTIONS • 1:05 OPENING MEDITATION • 1:20 BRIEF CHECK-IN • 1:30 QUESTIONS FOR GUIDING DISCUSSION • 1:45 TEXT EXPLORATION, AUTHOR’S REFLECTION • 2:15 INTERACTIVE EXERCISES, HANDOUTS • 2:50 COMMENT CARDS, WRAP UP • 2:55 CLOSE CIRCLE - REMINDERS/UPDATES • 3:00 SOCIALIZING (optional)

NOTE: This is a very loose estimation just to give you a general sense of flow.

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

SAMPLE INVITATION

ARE YOU AN IRON BUTTERFLY?

• Do you have a will of iron and the touch of a butterfly - are you determined and nurturing, strong yet vulnerable? • Have you persevered through difficult times? • Have you experienced injustice, yet refuse to be turned into a victim? • Are you willing to transform yourself and the world?

Together we can midwife a new era of cooperation by exercising a collaborative style. Together we can transforms the meaning of power from power over to power with and for others. We do not have to do this work alone. When we connect with like-minded souls, we can spread our wings and learn to fly and become a kaleidoscope of Iron Butterflies!

How do I become an Iron Butterfly? You already are one! By emerging from your chrysalis, gathering with others, and exercising these skills, you can transform yourself... and your world!

1. Connect to Your Passion 2. Collaborate with Women 3. Exercise your Collective Feminine Power 4. Participate in a Caring Community

Using Iron Butterflies: Women Transforming Themselves and the World by Birute Regine as our common text, we will gather monthly to pause, reflect and dialogue deeply about what matters most. Join us as we create a peaceful, safe space to cull the wisdom of fellow Iron Butterflies. We will Circle at ______. Come! Learn to balance all that you do with focusing on all that you are becoming!

Your personal investment of time and money ($___) in this Circle is limited - and yet the possibilities are amazingly unlimited! Reserve your seat in this unique Circle today by contacting [email protected]. Space is limited.

“If ever the world sees a time when women shall come together purely for the good of humanity, it will be a power such as the world has never seen.” - Matthew Arnold

NOW is the time. And YOU/WE are the women!

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

SAMPLE CHECKLIST

Read Iron Butterflies and Guidebook Take Convener Course and Read IBPC’s Convener’s Guide Create your own proposed Vision for your IBPC including your role Create List of Prospective Women and Gather Emails/Addresses Choose Circle Space Choose Possible Dates/Times Decide How Much to Charge and How Many Circle Openings Create Invitation, Decide Where to Advertise and Send Send Welcome Letter to those who sign up Select Questions and Activities Prepare Agenda Gather Materials (candle, comment cards, etc.) Setup Environment Print Shared Agreements and Handouts Enjoy!

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

SAMPLE WELCOME LETTER

Hello Friends!

Welcome to the wonderful world of Iron Butterflies Power Circles! I look forward to gathering together with other amazing women on (date/time). We will meet at (location/with directions/parking information). You are welcome to come up to ___ minutes earlier to acclimate yourself to the space (or set out separate socializing information here). Confirmation and punctuality are important! Let’s not hold up Circle start time by waiting for someone who isn’t coming or who is running late!

While I know that you may not be able to make every Circle meeting, please do make your best effort to do so. The Circle is a safe, supportive, generative place no matter how many come, but it will be a richer experience for you and all of us if we each make a full commitment to attend and honor each other’s commitment in doing so. Over the course of our time together, I will ask that you commit to trying out some new practices including: experiencing silence, reflective reading, practicing self care and journaling. I know for many of you the thought of prioritizing yourSELF may be the biggest challenge. I will honor that. Please come with an open heart and mind. I promise you will love the results!

To begin, please purchase a journal, something to write in and write with that you absolutely love and cherish! You can simply place loose leaf in a binder. Whatever works that is beautiful, accessible, handy and yours! Bring it with you to Circle. Also purchase Iron Butterflies and begin reading the first chapter.

Although the commitment of time is often more difficult for many of us than money, I find that people commit to Circle and attend more regularly if they make payment in advance. If you haven’t already paid, please pay ($____) payable to ______prior to our first meeting and no later than our first Circle gathering.

Finally, together we will review the attached (shared agreement or whatever handouts you will be using) at our first session so please familiarize yourself with it in advance. I look forward to gathering with you in this unique format! Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

[SIGN YOUR NAME AND LIST YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION]

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

SHARED AGREEMENTS SAMPLE

Within the Circle, I agree to:

• Actively Listen and try to be truly present and participate in Circle from my heartspace. • Speak for myself and from my heart, succinctly sharing the Essence of my insight. • Refrain from giving advice or trying to fix anyone. • Practice Namaste: “The light in me honors the light in you!” • Protect the privacy and confidentiality of other Circlers - sharing only information and not private, personal information. • Focus on process rather than progress. • Take responsibility for my own self care. I acknowledge that participation in this group is not therapy and is not intended as a support group. • Trust, observe and be open to what is emerging. • Let go of judgments, expectations and the need to have a particular experience or outcome. • Commit to practicing these guidelines, attending every Circle, and completing the suggested assignments. If I can’t come, I will let the Convener know in advance. • Be a curious explorer and by all means, to enjoy myself!

______

NAME DATE

Cultivating Conversation Circles for Iron Butterflies: An IBPC Convener’s Guide

SHARED AGREEMENTS − SAMPLE #2

Within the Circle, I agree to:

Confidentiality: What is said in the Circle stays in the Circle. Information can be shared but no names or private details.

Punctuality: Circle will begin and end on time, to respect other people’s time boundaries. It can be disconcerting and distracting when one Circle member is sharing information and another walks in late.

Respect: Members can show respect for each other by listening fully when others speak and refraining from comments unless the speaker requests comments.

Right to be silent: Sometimes there will be Circle exercises in which people share information. If a Circle member is uncomfortable sharing during such an exercise, she may simply say, “I pass.”

Sharing: Circle time is everyone’s time. Don’t dominate the discussion. Listen ten times as much as you speak.

Withhold judgment: Practice staying out of judgment by working on listening skills, refraining from giving advice, learning to be comfortable with silence, and reaching out with empathy and compassion.

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