This is a combined PDF of the DEFFWOTCH storytime from /tg/, as uploaded by its DM, Shas'O R'myr. Many of the youtube links are broken, removed, or otherwise innacessable. I have left them in because some of them still work, and i'm too lazy to remove them. Occasional screwups are expected due to me putting this together while drunk as hell at 2am. All apologies. IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE, WAR RAGES THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY MANKIND IS UNDER SIEGE ON ALL SIDES FROM XENOS, HERETICS, AND THE TAINT OF CHAOS THE SPACE MARINES, THE IMPERIUM'S FINEST SOLDIERS, BRING WAR TO THE ENEMIES OF MAN. THEIRS IS AN ENDLESS FIGHT, AS THEY WORK TO SAVE MANKIND FROM ALL ITS FOES. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRp_mVi969I DIS AIN'T DERE STORY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo SOMEWHERE IN DEEP SPACE, A BUNCH OF ORKS HAVE DONE DA IMPOSSIBLE! DEY'VE TRICKED DA IMPERIUM INTO THINKIN' DEY'Z SPESS MEHREENS! DA STUPID 'UMIES AIN'T EVA GONNA KNOW WHAT HIT'EM! OUT ON THE LOOTED REPULSIVE CRUISER "DA LOOTED KROOZA," TROUBLE BREWS... Sitting on the bridge of the Repulsive Class Looted Grand Cruiser, the Kill Team revel over all that they survey. Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy (The last character was unable to make it this session) Kroz is asleep at the wheel, while Wazgor and Grakgut are fightin' each other, arguin' over who's da boss. 'Eadmangla's hiding somewhere. "Oy, boss! We'ze got a problem!" the suddenly voxcaster blares. "Wot?" yells Grakgut. "A problem, boss!" "Wot ya mean, a problem?" yells Wazgor. "Zog it! Let'z make dis fing go!" declares Grakgut, who hits the Big Red Button of their ship. The ship shudders a bit, power flows, and then, nothing "...dat's wot i'z tryin' ta tell ya, boss!" says the voice on the Voxcaster. "Well fix it!" yells Wazgor. "I'z tryin' ta-oh." says the voice on the voxcaster as it walks onto the command bridge. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji3aAIyJKbA The players see the Mekboy Uzgob and the Painboy Grakkar. Uzgob looks up, realizes he's on the bridge, and tosses the voxcaster away. "Yeah, boss, dat's da problem." "Well? Spit it out!" says 'Eadmangla. "One of da nobs, git named Skarfang, holed 'imself up in Engin-...Engina-...in da Enjinz!" states Grakkar. "Git stole some bits to me Skanna Jamma!" cries Uzgob. "Calls 'imself boss now!" adds Grakkar. "We got a vox down dere?" asks Wazgor. Uzgob passes Wazgor another voxcaster. "OY! WHO'Z DOWN DERE?" "ZOG OFF!" a voice replies. "DAT GIT! 'OW CAN 'E SAY 'EZ DA BOSS WHEN I'Z DA BOSS?" says Wazgor. "WOT? I'Z DA BOSS!" replies Grakgut. "ZOG IT, I'Z GONNA KRUMP 'IM GOOD!" yells 'Eadmangla. "WOT'S ALL DIS DEN?" says Kroz as he wakes up. "Git claims 'ez boss in Enjinz! I'z gonna rip 'is arms off!" says Grakgut as everyone begins running full stop toward the Plasma Reactors. "Oy, wait for me!" yells Kroz as he begins running after the very angry collection of orks. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atKUCxXanXA A few minutes of running, and the players hear a noise behind them. Revving his engines, the players hear a different voice. "Need a lift, boss?" Clarence, the Digganob, pulls up in his buggy. The players all hop in. "Shotgun!" yells Grimslag. "Where?" replies Wazgor. Clarence brings the players to the edge of the Enginarium. He stops at a large welded door. "Hmm. That's not good. That door should have opened." says Clarence. The door appears to have been welded shut, rather shittily. The terminal's also been smashed. Kroz sticks some random gubbins in the terminal, and tries to fix it. Surprisingly, he succeeds. Unfortunately, the weld-job holds and the door remains shut. 'Eadmangla puts on his Preysense goggles, and sees the outlines of a trio of grots in a nearby grate. They are muckin' about. "Dey'z muckin' about! Dat ain't right!" says 'Eadmangla as he punches out the grates and scares off the grots. The terminal tells Kroz that the grate leads deeper into the Enginarium, so the players all hop into the grate, and begin walking. As the players walk, two pass their Awareness. While travelling the grates, they see a cardboard box. "Oy, wotz dat box doin' dere?" asks 'Eadmangla. "I'z helpin', boss!" says the box. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUHJsU_ooWQ The box flips up. The Kommando Pliskin looks to the players with his one good eye, the other under an eyepatch. "Wot're ya doin' down 'ere, Pliskin?" asks Wazgor. "Skoutin'." "Right proppa, Pliskin!" says 'Eadmangla. "Skarfang's looted all da gubbins I looted for you, so 'ez got quite da loadout." "Where iz 'e? I want 'iz arms!" yells Grakgut. "Why ya want 'iz arms?" asks Kroz. "'ow do we get ta 'im?" asks 'Eadmangla. "Dere'z two ways. Da brutally kunnin' way is down dat way. It brings ya out back." Pliskin points deeper in the vent. "An' da other?" asks Wazgor. "Da kunningly brutal way is out dere," Pliskin says, pointing at a grate out of the vents, "Leads ya straight to 'im!" "Right den! Good on ya, Pliskin!" says 'Eadmangla. "I'll be 'round, boss!" says Pliskin as he gets under his box and walks off. 'Eadmangla and Grakgut decide to take the back. Kroz and Wazgor decide to give the front a go. Both teams attempt to synchronize their entrance to the cargo hold that Skarfang is in. They decide to bash down the doors at the same time. Unfortunately, and rather hilariously, the rear team fails to break down the door, while the front team succeeds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r73kioYMULo "Oy, wot da-Oh Zog! Rokk'em, boyz!" yells Skarfang in Mega Armor as his six boyz ready their shootas. Wazgor uses his surprise round to Rokkit straight into Skarfang while Kroz unloads with his Snazzgun. By the time Skarfang gets his bearings, it's time to roll initiative. 'Eadmangla focuses on the boyz while Grakgut rushes in with his Big Choppa. Kroz stays back with his Snazzgun while Wazgor continues to tank Skarfang like a boss. Grakgut gets a fair bit of pain on Skarfang, but the final bit of damage comes from 'Eadmangla, as a bolt round detonates right in Skarfang's chest. The players finish up the rest of the boyz handily. "I'z takin' his arms!" yells Grakgut. Grakgut proceeds to rip Skarfang's arms off. Kroz works on separating the Heavy Bolter from the pile of giblet that is Skarfang. 'Eadmangla calls for Clarence, and Wazgor calls for a dok. "Don't worry, boss. I got you." says Clarence as he drives through a nearby weakened wall. He brings the players up to the Dok's Office, which is conveniently located next to Engineering. Grakgut works on healing everyone, as Pliskin shows up and passes a sparkly bit to Uzgob. "Dat's it!" Uzgob yells as he runs to a big sparking clanking monstrosity and tosses the sparky bit in. "ZOg is dat?" asks Kroz. "Da Skanna Jamma! Steals da signals da 'umies send out! Da beakies neva hear'em, you do, and you can steal da fights!" "I like it!" yells Grakgut, "'Ey, Uzgob, get on da table!" Uzgob gets on the table as Grakgut knocks him out. He chops off an arm, and replaces it with Skarfang's. A medicae roll of 3 says the operation takes flawlessly. "Wot da-oh. Heh, thanks boss." says Uzgob. He tests out his new arm by punching out a grot. "Itz...It'z alive!" yells Wazgor. "Dat's a marvel o' modern medaceen!" says 'Eadmangla. "Who'z next?" asks Grakkar. We called the session there. Sifting through the pile of crap Skarfang had, the players increased by 5 Profit Factor and 1000 xp. CHAPTER 2 In the previous session, the Kill Team successfully quelled a rebellion on their ship. Currently readying themselves in da Painbay, conveniently located next to the Mek Shop, the Kill Team patches up old wounds. Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy Grisbane Da Charmin' - (What the fuck do you call a Fellowship-based ork?) suddenly, Uzgob's Skanna Jamma start crackling and sparking. "It'z workin', boss!" Yells Uzgob. "Oy, Main Screen Turn On!" says Kroz. The Skanna Jamma redirects its signal to the primary screens in the Mek Shop. A rather scared-looking priest appears. "By the Emperor, someone please help!" the priest cries, "Something here, there's something down here, it's everywhere!" "OI! DATS LIKE, DATS US! WEZ DO DA SHOOTIN ON DA BAD THINGS!" says Kroz. "I repeat, this is Ministorum Primaris on Abbysius Monasturius requesting Deathwatch assistance!" the priest implores as the signal cuts out. "Sounds like dis 'umies got stuck in!" observes Grakgut, "We need ta get stuck in!" "Finally, sumfin tah shoot... " says Eadmangla. Grakgut begins having Uzgob make his armor pauldrons larger, while Kroz rushes to the Bridge, with Clarence's assistance. Upon reaching the bridge, he grabs the voxcaster. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c51xQc03W6Y "TENSHUN, TENSHUN. TEN SHUNS ALL ASSTARTITZES. DIS IZ YER FLYBOYZ KAP'N SPEAKIN." says Kroz, "AS OF, NOT LONG 'FORE YOUZE 'EARIN DIS, WEZ GOIN FASTA TO 'UMIE PIMARIS, ON AB... ABB... ABYS MONA TURS. ALL ASSTARTITZ GUNNA GIT READY FOR WAAAAGH!" The entire ship lights up in a chorus of WAAAGH! as The Looted Krooza enters the warp.