This is a combined PDF of the DEFFWOTCH storytime from /tg/, as uploaded by its DM, Shas'O R'myr. Many of the youtube links are broken, removed, or otherwise innacessable. I have left them in because some of them still work, and i'm too lazy to remove them. Occasional screwups are expected due to me putting this together while drunk as hell at 2am. All apologies.
IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE, WAR RAGES THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY MANKIND IS UNDER SIEGE ON ALL SIDES FROM XENOS, HERETICS, AND THE TAINT OF CHAOS THE SPACE MARINES, THE IMPERIUM'S FINEST SOLDIERS, BRING WAR TO THE ENEMIES OF MAN. THEIRS IS AN ENDLESS FIGHT, AS THEY WORK TO SAVE MANKIND FROM ALL ITS FOES. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRp_mVi969I
DIS AIN'T DERE STORY http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whxcq4I0kAo
SOMEWHERE IN DEEP SPACE, A BUNCH OF ORKS HAVE DONE DA IMPOSSIBLE! DEY'VE TRICKED DA IMPERIUM INTO THINKIN' DEY'Z SPESS MEHREENS! DA STUPID 'UMIES AIN'T EVA GONNA KNOW WHAT HIT'EM! OUT ON THE LOOTED REPULSIVE CRUISER "DA LOOTED KROOZA," TROUBLE BREWS...
Sitting on the bridge of the Repulsive Class Looted Grand Cruiser, the Kill Team revel over all that they survey. Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy (The last character was unable to make it this session)
Kroz is asleep at the wheel, while Wazgor and Grakgut are fightin' each other, arguin' over who's da boss. 'Eadmangla's hiding somewhere. "Oy, boss! We'ze got a problem!" the suddenly voxcaster blares. "Wot?" yells Grakgut. "A problem, boss!" "Wot ya mean, a problem?" yells Wazgor. "Zog it! Let'z make dis fing go!" declares Grakgut, who hits the Big Red Button of their ship.
The ship shudders a bit, power flows, and then, nothing
"...dat's wot i'z tryin' ta tell ya, boss!" says the voice on the Voxcaster. "Well fix it!" yells Wazgor. "I'z tryin' ta-oh." says the voice on the voxcaster as it walks onto the command bridge. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji3aAIyJKbA
The players see the Mekboy Uzgob and the Painboy Grakkar. Uzgob looks up, realizes he's on the bridge, and tosses the voxcaster away. "Yeah, boss, dat's da problem." "Well? Spit it out!" says 'Eadmangla. "One of da nobs, git named Skarfang, holed 'imself up in Engin-...Engina-...in da Enjinz!" states Grakkar. "Git stole some bits to me Skanna Jamma!" cries Uzgob. "Calls 'imself boss now!" adds Grakkar.
"We got a vox down dere?" asks Wazgor. Uzgob passes Wazgor another voxcaster. "OY! WHO'Z DOWN DERE?" "ZOG OFF!" a voice replies. "DAT GIT! 'OW CAN 'E SAY 'EZ DA BOSS WHEN I'Z DA BOSS?" says Wazgor. "WOT? I'Z DA BOSS!" replies Grakgut. "ZOG IT, I'Z GONNA KRUMP 'IM GOOD!" yells 'Eadmangla. "WOT'S ALL DIS DEN?" says Kroz as he wakes up. "Git claims 'ez boss in Enjinz! I'z gonna rip 'is arms off!" says Grakgut as everyone begins running full stop toward the Plasma Reactors. "Oy, wait for me!" yells Kroz as he begins running after the very angry collection of orks. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atKUCxXanXA
A few minutes of running, and the players hear a noise behind them. Revving his engines, the players hear a different voice. "Need a lift, boss?" Clarence, the Digganob, pulls up in his buggy. The players all hop in. "Shotgun!" yells Grimslag. "Where?" replies Wazgor.
Clarence brings the players to the edge of the Enginarium. He stops at a large welded door. "Hmm. That's not good. That door should have opened." says Clarence. The door appears to have been welded shut, rather shittily. The terminal's also been smashed. Kroz sticks some random gubbins in the terminal, and tries to fix it. Surprisingly, he succeeds. Unfortunately, the weld-job holds and the door remains shut. 'Eadmangla puts on his Preysense goggles, and sees the outlines of a trio of grots in a nearby grate. They are muckin' about.
"Dey'z muckin' about! Dat ain't right!" says 'Eadmangla as he punches out the grates and scares off the grots. The terminal tells Kroz that the grate leads deeper into the Enginarium, so the players all hop into the grate, and begin walking.
As the players walk, two pass their Awareness. While travelling the grates, they see a cardboard box.
"Oy, wotz dat box doin' dere?" asks 'Eadmangla. "I'z helpin', boss!" says the box. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUHJsU_ooWQ
The box flips up. The Kommando Pliskin looks to the players with his one good eye, the other under an eyepatch. "Wot're ya doin' down 'ere, Pliskin?" asks Wazgor. "Skoutin'." "Right proppa, Pliskin!" says 'Eadmangla. "Skarfang's looted all da gubbins I looted for you, so 'ez got quite da loadout." "Where iz 'e? I want 'iz arms!" yells Grakgut. "Why ya want 'iz arms?" asks Kroz. "'ow do we get ta 'im?" asks 'Eadmangla. "Dere'z two ways. Da brutally kunnin' way is down dat way. It brings ya out back." Pliskin points deeper in the vent. "An' da other?" asks Wazgor. "Da kunningly brutal way is out dere," Pliskin says, pointing at a grate out of the vents, "Leads ya straight to 'im!" "Right den! Good on ya, Pliskin!" says 'Eadmangla. "I'll be 'round, boss!" says Pliskin as he gets under his box and walks off.
'Eadmangla and Grakgut decide to take the back. Kroz and Wazgor decide to give the front a go. Both teams attempt to synchronize their entrance to the cargo hold that Skarfang is in. They decide to bash down the doors at the same time. Unfortunately, and rather hilariously, the rear team fails to break down the door, while the front team succeeds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r73kioYMULo
"Oy, wot da-Oh Zog! Rokk'em, boyz!" yells Skarfang in Mega Armor as his six boyz ready their shootas.
Wazgor uses his surprise round to Rokkit straight into Skarfang while Kroz unloads with his Snazzgun. By the time Skarfang gets his bearings, it's time to roll initiative. 'Eadmangla focuses on the boyz while Grakgut rushes in with his Big Choppa. Kroz stays back with his Snazzgun while Wazgor continues to tank Skarfang like a boss. Grakgut gets a fair bit of pain on Skarfang, but the final bit of damage comes from 'Eadmangla, as a bolt round detonates right in Skarfang's chest. The players finish up the rest of the boyz handily.
"I'z takin' his arms!" yells Grakgut. Grakgut proceeds to rip Skarfang's arms off. Kroz works on separating the Heavy Bolter from the pile of giblet that is Skarfang. 'Eadmangla calls for Clarence, and Wazgor calls for a dok.
"Don't worry, boss. I got you." says Clarence as he drives through a nearby weakened wall. He brings the players up to the Dok's Office, which is conveniently located next to Engineering. Grakgut works on healing everyone, as Pliskin shows up and passes a sparkly bit to Uzgob.
"Dat's it!" Uzgob yells as he runs to a big sparking clanking monstrosity and tosses the sparky bit in. "ZOg is dat?" asks Kroz. "Da Skanna Jamma! Steals da signals da 'umies send out! Da beakies neva hear'em, you do, and you can steal da fights!" "I like it!" yells Grakgut, "'Ey, Uzgob, get on da table!" Uzgob gets on the table as Grakgut knocks him out. He chops off an arm, and replaces it with Skarfang's. A medicae roll of 3 says the operation takes flawlessly. "Wot da-oh. Heh, thanks boss." says Uzgob. He tests out his new arm by punching out a grot. "Itz...It'z alive!" yells Wazgor. "Dat's a marvel o' modern medaceen!" says 'Eadmangla. "Who'z next?" asks Grakkar.
We called the session there. Sifting through the pile of crap Skarfang had, the players increased by 5 Profit Factor and 1000 xp.
CHAPTER 2
In the previous session, the Kill Team successfully quelled a rebellion on their ship. Currently readying themselves in da Painbay, conveniently located next to the Mek Shop, the Kill Team patches up old wounds.
Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy Grisbane Da Charmin' - (What the fuck do you call a Fellowship-based ork?) suddenly, Uzgob's Skanna Jamma start crackling and sparking.
"It'z workin', boss!" Yells Uzgob. "Oy, Main Screen Turn On!" says Kroz. The Skanna Jamma redirects its signal to the primary screens in the Mek Shop. A rather scared-looking priest appears. "By the Emperor, someone please help!" the priest cries, "Something here, there's something down here, it's everywhere!" "OI! DATS LIKE, DATS US! WEZ DO DA SHOOTIN ON DA BAD THINGS!" says Kroz. "I repeat, this is Ministorum Primaris on Abbysius Monasturius requesting Deathwatch assistance!" the priest implores as the signal cuts out. "Sounds like dis 'umies got stuck in!" observes Grakgut, "We need ta get stuck in!" "Finally, sumfin tah shoot... " says Eadmangla.
Grakgut begins having Uzgob make his armor pauldrons larger, while Kroz rushes to the Bridge, with Clarence's assistance. Upon reaching the bridge, he grabs the voxcaster. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c51xQc03W6Y
"TENSHUN, TENSHUN. TEN SHUNS ALL ASSTARTITZES. DIS IZ YER FLYBOYZ KAP'N SPEAKIN." says Kroz, "AS OF, NOT LONG 'FORE YOUZE 'EARIN DIS, WEZ GOIN FASTA TO 'UMIE PIMARIS, ON AB... ABB... ABYS MONA TURS. ALL ASSTARTITZ GUNNA GIT READY FOR WAAAAGH!"
The entire ship lights up in a chorus of WAAAGH! as The Looted Krooza enters the warp. However, the trip up is a bit rocky, as the crew encounter a small Warp Storm.
"UPPITY EH? ITS A FOIGHT WIT DA SPACE! IZ GUD PRACTICE, KROOZA! DO IT WIT ME NOW! WAAAGH!" yells Kroz as he charges right into it. The ship itself, as if feeding off the WAAAAGH, charges straight through the core of the storm. Warp currents and vortices break into nothing as the Looted Krooza forces its way through. Leaving the tail end of the warp storm, however, some minor damage is taken, but nothing they can't fix.
I suppose that's what a Operate Ship roll of 1, then a failure by no degrees gets.
"I'z da flyiest..." declares Kroz. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2AgGtbazDw
Meanwhile, in the Painbay, Grakgut is lookin' for experiments.
"Oy!" he says to a random boy, "Find me a git 'fraid of gettin' shot in da back!" "Roight boss!" the boy says, as he wanders off. About a day later, he returns with a runty-lookin' git. "Yoo scared o' gettin' shot in da back, boy?" asks Grakgut. "Sorta, boss. Saw me mate get zogged a bit ago." says the git. "I got jus' da roight ting fer dat!" states Grakgut.
Grakut proceeds to knock the boy out. He grabs a grot and saws his legs off. Grakgut sticks the legless grot on da boy's back. The boy then wakes up. ""Ow, wot wozza-" starts the boy. Grakgut rapidly chops da boy's arm off and replaces it with the other arm from Skarfang earlier. Some sutures here, a quick weld job there, arm's good as new. "Dere ya go! Now you alwayz got somewun watchin' yer back!" says Grakgut. "...Oh. Oh wow. Thanks, boss!" The not so runty boy says. Grakgut high-fives the boy with the disproportionately large arm. The boy grabs his shoota and begins runnin' out, the grot on his back screaming. "Yoo'll get used ta it!" Grakgut yells. "Right, boss!" the boy replies.
At this point the ship starts rumbling and shaking again. The players are belched out of the Warp in orbit over the world of Abyssius Monasturius. A message is sent to the players' ship. "Astartes? Can it be?" the message starts. "PIMRIS! WEEZ 'ERE FOR DA FOIGHT!" yells Kroz. "By the Emperor, our prayers are answered!" a small priest says. Eadmangala snickers as the message continues. "Of course, noble ones! We have organized a delegation at the Chapel Primaris!" the priest says, "You can find us there!"
As the screen turns off, Grakgut thinks a moment. "Oi. Are we Aztarteez or Orkztarteez? We neva decided." he ponders. "Pimris sez ass tartitz, so dat must be it." states Eadmangla. "Ooo cares? 'umies are stoopid anywayz!" yells Wazgor. "You'z gonna fight an' win, datz wot!" yells Uzgob as he reaches the bridge. He points to the docking bay. "I'z prepped ya Rok Pods an' ya bomma. Choice is yours, boss!" says Uzgob. "Iz'll fly in an' crash it roight in da middle so we looks gud!" says Kroz. "Gud idear!" says Grakgut as the rest of the party gets into a Rok Pod. "And we kan yell da fings da beakies yell!" "Den wut we waitin for?" asks Eadmangla. "FER DA EMPWAAAAGH!" yells Wazgor as he rips the cord on his arm chain. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jHZ0Jk-mmg
The Bomma is launched out of the Landing Bays at maximum speed as the Rok Pod Launchas start chuckin' boyz in every direction. Grakgut, Wazgor, Eadmangla, and Grisbane see Kroz outside in da bomma. The air warm ups as the Rok Pod breaks atmosphere
"...us, so Who's da new boy?" asks Grakgut. >What new guy? Grakgut motions to Grisbane and his two chainswords. >He's always been there. "Really?" asks Wazgor. >To think otherwise is double-plus-ungood. "I'z was always here!" declares Grisbane.
Kroz does a rather hard landing with his ship, which he calls the R-99 Last Danca. The Rok Pod impacts a few moments later. Boyz are getting launched every direction, but the party maintains cohesion more or less. The air is hot here, but a large chapel lies a bit away. The Kill Team makes their way toward the Chapel, at a brisk run. Reaching the front doors, they are blocked up by a shitty barricade.
"Oy! You 'umies in dere? Open up!" yells Kroz. "Dis is Brutha...brutha...Brutha Joe Dee-ma-j-ee-o! We'ze 'ere ta 'elp!" yells Wazgor. "And dis is...uh...Brotha Ezeekyel!" Grakgut says as he punches in the door, which proceeds to fall down.
Inside the chapel, a number of priests are running about dead-scared. One stops, and looks at the players. "By the Emperor, you're here!" the priest yells. "You'z da 'umies of da Emprah? We'ze 'ere ta fight!" declares Kroz. "Of course, my lords!" The tiny priest says, "Please come with me, and we'll show you what's happening.
The priest waddles toward a smaller side chapel. Inside, the priest gestures at the bodies. They...ain't proppa. Awareness reveals that they are blackened and drained. Grakgut, being a Painboy, notes small markings on their heads, like bite and suction marks. "Dis is...dis is weird." says Wazgor. "It started a Few weeks ago, but it seems to be limited to this Chapel complex and surrounding area." "Wot did deze gits do different dat you gits din't?" asks Wazgor. "They were all priests of the lower levels." states the priest. "First the bodies disappeared." he says, "Then they reappeared a week or so later, like this." "... DA LOWER LEVELS IZ GUNNA BE CLEARED OF DA INFLUENTS OF DA BAD TINGS." screams Kroz. "Did anyfin' happen at da time o'da disappearin'?" asks Grakgut. "Uh..." thinks the priest, "Well, there was a strange transport here a few weeks ago. They delivered supplies to the lower levels, and that was it." "I tink wot 'appened woz in wot woz shipped to da place dat shipments go!" says Grisbane. "Oy, we need mo' info!" yells Grakgut. "Of course!" says the priest. He brings the party to a cogitator. On it are maps of the lower areas and transport minutae. "Here, noble ones." He points at the cogitator. "The shipment was sent there, and Ministorum agents began disappearing from there.." "Oy, you'z got an armory?" asks Grakgut. "Uh, I'm sorry, noble Astartes, but we are but priests. We have chainswords and incense, and flamers, but that's about it." stammers the priest. "NO DAKKA?" yells Wazgor. "Izza shame. Youz need ta be mo' militant. Alwayz be prepared...wit' dakka." "Of course, Noble Astartes. I apologize." The priest prostates himself. "Get Movin', Boyz! Priest, be wary, find yerselves a place that's defensible, them zeeenos are often creepy-like." says Grisbane, as the party leaves for the underchapel. "Of course!" the priests yell. They all waddle off to find some weapons.
'Eadmangla goes down first. Scouting ahead, he eventually realizes that vox contact is being interfered by the materials of the wall. He beckons everyone down, and continues scouting. After a while, 'Eadmangla turns a corner, and sees a cardboard box. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUHJsU_ooWQ
"FInally found ya, boss!" the box says. "Good ta see ya, Pliskin!" says 'Eadmangla. "Saw a funny blue light round dose tubes ova dere." says Pliskin, "Dere was a 'umie dere. I dunno, but 'e seemed right proppa." "A 'umie?" asks 'Eadmangla. "'e had a bunch of stuff! Traded in me teef for a new knife!" "'umies takin' teef? Wotz next..." considers 'Eadmangla. "All roight boss, me an' da Boyz Without Bordaz are gonna get back ta lootin'." says Pliskin. He points at about 10 or so other cardboard boxes behind him. "We'll get ya da loot right proppa!"
Rounding a few corners, the players eventually do see a blue light. The players hear a voice. "Over here, stranger..." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEAakGOwSqw
Heading closer, the kill team sees a blue robed figure standing near a window. Something's odd, though. He LOOKS like a 'umie, but they get ork vibes from him. Realizing this is a good thing, the players get to shopping. Grakgut manages to acquire a Best Quality Power Klaw, and Grisbane gets a Best Quality Legion Slugga. Half the party fails to acquire Tau Pulse weapons, but they do acquire Subskin Armor, which Grakgut messily installs in a side room. Returning to the main area, the Merchant has disappeared. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zp2KYBWAj4w
COntinuing on, the party reaches the entrance to the Docking Bays. However, just before they can enter, they are attacked by a group of Ambull. Ambull have a fear rating of 1, so I called for Fear tests. I also reminded the party that as orks they get a collective +50 because all 5 of them are there.
Everyone passes, except 'Eadmangla. 'Eadmangla is frozen in shock for a round until he unfucks himself. The ambull are not that difficult to deal with, but they are decently tough. Grakgut's power klaw eats through a number of them, while Kroz and his Snazzgun / Servosquig smash through a few more. Grisbane takes one down while Wazgor retreats after getting ganked. As most of the ambull fall, the last one rushes into the docking bay, and what happens next is unexpected. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPxh6RW8r7M
A tiny shape rushes down and hits the ambull in the face. As the ambull attempts to claw it off, Kroz and 'Eadmangla shoot the Ambull. The Ambull falls, but not before the corpse becomes blackened. The Kill Team has found what's been killing the priests. Looking closer, the thing appears to look like a Gloomhaunt, but with translucent wings and slightly larger. A number of the Energy Haunts now rush the players.
The Energy Haunts are much weaker than the Ambulls, but what makes them so dangerous is their Energy Siphon. When they charge and attack in melee, they stick on your face, and drain 1d5 wounds a round, without armor or toughness. A number of them charged in, and stuck to the players. I offered some potential solutions - try Strength test to get it off then a melee attack, or an agility test and then a ranged attack. But they solved it in the most Orky way possible.
They started hitting themselves in the face.
I was proud.
Grakgut smashed his head against a rock until the Energy Haunt died. Grisbane took his Chainswords and chained himself until he killed the Energy Haunt. Kroz hit himself with his choppa, choppin' the Energy Haunt, and then shot 'Eadmangla in the face with his snazzgun, nearly killing him but at least removing the Energy Haunt.
Upon taking out the immediate energy haunts, the kill team looks up to note a crashed transport, and hundreds of the haunts surrounding it. They also notice the Plasma reactor is exposed. 'Eadmangla and Kroz both attempt to shoot it. 'Eadmangla misses, but Kroz gets a lucky hit which detonates the transport and the Energy Haunts. They pose like a team with the explosion in the backdrop.
Leaving the catacombs, one of the priests runs up to the Kill Team. "...is it over?" he asks. ""Dat, wuz gud fightin." says Kroz. "You'ze Ambulls and da bat fings iz gone. Da reaktor too!" adds Grakgut. "Oh thank the Emperor," the priest sighs, "I don't know how much more stress I can take..." "DO NOT WORRY, SMALL 'UMIE. DA EMPERAH SEZ GUD: EVEN IF DA ROKK IS FULL OF 'BAD ENEMIES, DEREZ ALWAYS FINGS YOU SHUD PROTEKT." states Kroz. The priest's eyes go wide at the wisdom. At that moment, the players' voxcasters chime in. "Oy, boss! It'z Pliskin! We'ze got da loot! We gotta go afore dey notice!" whispers Pliskin.
The Kill Team gets back in the Last Danca as Lifta Droppas collect the Rok Pods and smaller transports collect the loot. "GRAB YER BALDS! IZ TIME FOR FASTA!" yells Kroz as he flies back up to The Looted Krooza.
Returning to the ship, the party returns to their respective quarters. At this point, I ask who has a charm.
"I'z got one! All gud Deffskullz do!" says Kroz.
As Kroz reloads his guns and puts down his stuff, he hears a chirp. "WOZZAT? IZ GOTS A DAKKA... WOTS A CHIRP?" Turning around, Kroz sees a tiny Energy Haunt. It flies around for a bit. If it had eyes it would almost seem like it was staring. "... dats not a squig..." says Kroz. The Haunt chirps. "Uh... youze eat grots den?" asks Kroz. The Haunt flies around in circles, and then chirps. "Okay, I guess..." says Kroz, The Haunt flies into one of the vents as Grakgut and 'Eadmangla walk in. "Oi! Let da ting stay!" says Grakgut who walks in. "Kill it! Dem fings eat face!" yells "Eadmangla. "Iz gunna call it... BOTTOL BRUTHA Boldo" says Kroz. "I wunda if We kan use it to make ENURGEE SQUIGS!" ponders Grakgut. "I'z not sleepin' tonite..." sighs 'Eadmangla.
Pliskin then contacts the players, summarizing loot. They received 750 XP and 3 Profit Factor. Being 1:30 AM, we called it there.
CHAPTER 3
Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy Grisbane Da Charmin' - Mercboy Wurrza Zzappar - Weirdboy
The party has returned to their Looted Krooza. High above the Ecclesiarchy world of Abyssius Monasturius, they all recount the fight with the Ambulls and Battroids, and their new...unique crewman, the Battroid named Boldo. While in the various sections of the ship, the shipwide voxcaster goes off.
"Oy, boss! Da Skanna Jamma's beepin' again!" yells Uzgob. "Wots it sayin'? 'urry up! I'm buzy!" yells Grakgut in the Painbay. "Put it on da big screen!" declares Kroz.
Uzgob links it to the big screen and the shipwide voxcasters.
"Help! I require help!" yells a pudgy human male. "Da 'umies need 'elp again!" "I am the administrator of Mining Site 0298!" he yells, "The men are in revolt! Please, I don't know how much longer we can hold out!" yells the pudgy dude as the signal cuts out. "Course deyre revolting...good pair of 'airsquigs is wot dey need." says Wurrza. "Oi. Dat Mining oh sumtin sumtin eightz sez is boyz iz trouble? How'z dat a gud foight?" "Alwayz a gud chance ta get stuck in!" notes Grakgut. "Minin' is when oomies go searchin' for flash bitz in da ground. Good fightan' good lootan." adds Wurrza. "... Wot. BITZ?" says Kroz. "Bitz. Like good or dem silver bitz wot they use to give their bosses, or what dem badmoon boyz love. I sez we get some as payment, sound roight and proppa?" asks Wurrza. "Deze 'umies ain't exzactly da sharpest gits," Uzgob says, "Dey probably left sumfin' out." "welp, gud'nuff." sighs Kroz as he hits the Warp Drive, "ITZ SPACE TIME!"
The trip through the Warp is relatively quiet. However, sensors occasionaly jump at seeming nothing. The sensor claims ships are out there, but visual confirmation shows nothing. Kroz spends his time with the gunnery boyz shooting at ghosts
"Dere ain't zog out dere, boss!" yells one of the gunnery boyz. "DEYZ SNEAKIER DEN YOU YA BLIND GITZ! JUST SHOOTS WHERE IZ TELLZ YA!" Kroz replies.
The rest of the party heads to the holds with the rest of da boyz and enjoys the roast ambull, the boyz fightin' each other, and the light show from gunnery. Boldo is down there as well, tackling a small piece of ambull that fell on the ground. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2AgGtbazDw
Meanwhile in the Painbay, Grakgut has his grot manservant Thaddius GrakkaGrak seek out an ork with a large chest. After about a day, Thaddius brings one in. "Oiright boy! You like dakka?" asks Grakgut. "Yeah, boss!" the boy replies. "Den I'll git you all da dakka you kan carry! Lay down 'ere." says Grakgut. Grakgut knocks the boy out, then looks inside his box of random body parts and finds two arms He attempts to attach the extra two arms to the boy. Passing Medicae by a decent amount, and with a little bit of glue and even a bit of tape later, the boy wakes up. "Oy, wot da...wot...woa..." says the boy as he comes to. "'ow ya feelin', boy?" asks Grakgut. The boy flexes his four arms. The two new ones flex slightly slower."Bigga." says the boy. "Gonna need ta work dos arms a bit first. Go punch a few grots. Dokta's ordahs." states Grakgut. "...Roight, boss." says the boy as he walks out, working on his new balance.
After about another day, the Looted Krooza exits the warp. The players find themselves over a rocky, barren landscape. "'s always a desert, aint it? Can't eva have a nice beach..." sighs Grisbane. Passive augurs pick up a large mining complex near the equator. "Dats da spot." says Kroz. "Shuld we 'it it wit all our dakka?" asks Grakgut. "Naw. We sez weez coming ta 'elp, 'n get paid twice!" states Kroz. "Gud idear." notes Grakgut.
The voxcasters activate. "DIS IS DA IMPERHUL VESHEL DA LOOTED KROOZA OF DA DEFFWOTCH! WHERE'S DA FOIGHT!" The frazzled fat fuck from earlier now appears on the screen. "Space Marines!? They sent a team..." he sighs in relief, "Please, come to the main complex. I will meet you personally and we can discuss the situation." "Oi. Whys dis 'umie so squishy lookin'?" asks Grakgut. "Dat one's rounder den a squig." adds Kroz. "The fighting's calmed down, but I feel you all are best suited for dealing with the heresy that's cropped up!" he says. "DISPLAY DEM LANDING LOCATION 'N WEEZ GETS OUR BOMMAZ TO YOUZE!" replies Kroz. The cogitator beeps. This time a landing pad is highlighted outside the main complex. The players identify it as the overseer's office.
"We'z goin' boyz, strap in!" yells Kroz. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jHZ0Jk-mmg
"All nobz Report in!" says Kroz. The players all board the fighta bomma. The rest of the boyz head to the Rokk Podz. During last minute flight checks, the Servosquig heads into the cockpit, and Boldo makes his way into the bomma as well. 'Ere we go. 'Ere we go." yells Wurrza. The Last Danca is shot out of the bay. Out the windows, you can see dozens of Rok Podz flying in every direction. Most of them are heading near the complex. Some...will take a little longer. "'OLD ON DERE A MINUTES 'UMIES! WE'Z COMMIN! WAAAGH!" yells the party.
Upon landing and disembarking, the fatass administrator appears, being held on a dais by a number of Servitors, and an honor guard.
"My lords, we are incredibly thankful you could make it!" he goes. "Ugh. Dat 'umies makin' me sick lookin' at 'im..." whispers Grakgut. "You'ze gots some 'splainin ta do. HAIR A SEE iz very bad" says Kroz. "HERESY GROWS FROM MUCKIN' ABOU- IDLENESS." adds Grakgut. "I...of course, my lord! I can explain more inside." says the guy.
Wurrza Mind-probes the guy on the downlow. He doesn't get much other than surface fears, his fear of heresy, and his fear of losing his job now. He scratches his head, as if he feels Wurrza pokin' about his mind.
"Describe dis git." says Grisbane. "He railed against worship of the God Emperor! I of course had my men attempt to arrest him, but the miners went ballistic and attacked!" says the Administrator. "Yep. Dis is 'eresy." states Grakgut. "'eresy indeed." adds 'Eadmangla. "He appeared after our sensors picked up strange ghost readings. Something huge sized, but we couldn't find anything." says the Administrator. "... DAT SOUNDS LIKE DA SHIP IN DA WARP!" yells Kroz. "My lords, I believe this heretic to still be among the men. Please, I implore you, root it out!" the administrator points to the main strip mining complex. "WE'ZE GONNA FIND DIS 'ERESY. AND KRUMP IT." declares Grakgut. "...Thank you, Space Marines!" he cries." "But first...I need ta inqwire 'bout ya status..." says Grakgut. "...my lord?" asks the administrator. "I suggest ya take ta some exercise, Dok's Ordaz." says Grakgut. "Uh...of course, my lord, I apologize." His servitors move his dais like he is attempting to bow. "Indeed. Ya should begin wif a mild jog. NOW." glares Grakgut. "I can only hope they did not get into the Armory..." he mutters as he struggles to get up off the dais. "BATTOL BRUTHAS. LET US ALL JOG BEHIND DIS GIT!" says Kroz. "Yeah! Jog!" says Grisbane.
The administrator is clearly working up a sweat every step he takes. A single tear rolls down his cheek as he remembers that the main complex is about a kilometer away. The players barely break a sweat as they keep up with the fatass administrator. By the time he gets to the gate, he looks like he had like 30 heart attacks. A quick medicae reveals his heart seems like its about to explode, but he'll be fine.
Entering the complex, it seems relatively empty for now. The Kill Team picks out the Armory relatively easily, however. It seems to have a security door on it. However, liberal application of Power Klaw fixes that problem. The door falls down, and the kill team enters. It looks like it's been mostly emptied. However, in a corner, the players hear a voice. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9l_XYNYczI
"Got something that might interest ya, heh heh heh..." "YOUZE." exclaims Kroz, incredulous. "I get around, stranger..." says the Merchant.
This session consisted of bad luck for acquisitions, but 'Eadmangla did manage to score a Pulse Rifle. "Now dis is a gun!" says 'Eadmangla. "I'll be seein' ya, stranger..." the Merchant says as he walks through a nearby door, and it closes behind him.
Leaving the Armory, the players begin to see miners congregate outside. They look quizzical, but not outwardly heretical. "Space Marines?" one asks. "It was only a matter of time, I suppose. I assume the Administrator sent you?" "Da git wot needz ta jog more?" asks Grakgut. "Dat git wuz round..." adds Kroz. "...yes. Him." The miner thinks a moment. " I suppose it depends on your definition of heresy. We don't need the God Emperor anymore. We don't need the false gods of Chaos either. We don't need much of anything." "Why don't ya need da God Empra? 'Ez ya Warboss!" says Grakgut. "Mr. Garo explained everything to us." the miner said, "He said to not worry about anyone who calls themselves a God. Not the Emperor, not Chaos, not anything." "Da Empera sits on his throne every day keeping da forces of kayos at bay, an' ya dont revere him?" asks 'Eadmangla. "Dat'z 'ow ya know 'ez da boss! Now show us to dat Garo!" says Kroz.
The miner opens the doors to the Chapel. The outside seems slightly defaced, with all symbols of the Ecclesiarchy removed. "He is in here. I cannot accompany you. Mr. Garo must see you all without us." says the miner, stepping back.
"Dis seems like a trap..." says 'Eadmangla as the Kill Team walks in. "OI. GARO. YOUZE GUNNA SPRING YER SNEAKY ON'US YET?" yells Kroz.
Within the shrine, the Kill Team notices that it's quite dark, yet spacious. It definitely seems larger on the inside, yet it's simply an illusion. An awareness test reveals two things - a projector mounted in the ceiling, and a human in a tailored black suit and a white vest, a pair of scabbards on his belt and sipping some tea.
"Space Marines." the man says, "How nice to see you."
Kroz shoots the projector, causing the man to flash in static for a moment. >At this point, Wazgor, Grisbane, and 'Eadmangla needed to leave for the night. All had important business.
"I am Richard Garo." the person says, as he suddenly statics, "and I am simply here to enlighten these miners, and you, potentially." "Enlighten? Den why's it so dark in 'ere?" asks Wurrza. "I can free your mind from all your false gods." the hologram states. "FALSE GODS? THE ONLY FALSE GIT 'ERE IS YOU." declares Grakgut. "I see." says the hologram of Garo. "I was hoping to have an enlightening conversation, but it seems such things are beyond you." he says. Garo turns around. "A pity. I think I shall have the Lectors explain things further..." Garo says as the hologram winks out.
The Kill Team (Kroz, Grakgut, and Wurrza are left), hear something surrounding them, like gears and grinding. The projector starts twitching. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9csOHcADWQ
What looked like a projector rips itself out of the ceiling, and now makes itself known as a massive bipedal machine, an angled boxlike construction of metal above two digitigrade legs. It barks in a bestial way, as another machine just like it slams through the wall to the right, and another drops from the rear ceiling. Wurrza once again attempts psynicience, and barely makes it. Something's wrong with these machines. He's not sure what, but there's definitely something odd about them. They don't FEEL right. Hell, they don't feel like MACHINES. There's something in those chassis, something unnatural.
The Lectors open up by two of them leaping at the wall and walking across it flawlessly. From hidden compartments, built-in plasma blasters begin laying suppressive fire for the third to reach the altar and take up high ground. While Wurrza lights them up with his Burna, and Kroz unloads with his Snazzgun, Grakgut charges one, and gets an exploding Orky Fury for upwards of 53 Pen 10. He slams into the one on the altar, and rips into it. It explodes, but as it explodes it seems to burn in Warpfire. The players hear an angry bellowing come from it, as the pieces are sucked...somewhere.
Dem Spiky Gits!" yells Grakgut. "Zog..." sighs Kroz. At the death of the first Lector, the other two turn to each other and bark at each other in their strange code. This time one slowly approaches while the other flanks. Wurrza tries to toss a nearby grot into the barrel of its gun, but misses, sending the grot flying...or it would had one of the Lectors not have produced a prehensile grapnel cord and grabbed the grot out of the air. The Lectors study the grot for the briefest of moments before tossing it aside. Grakgut once again charges, but this time the Lector is ready. It takes the blow, and survives.
"Finally, a gud foight!" yells Grakgut.
The Lector that flanked, who is on fire, hits Grakgut with the grapnel, and drags Grakgut towards it. It reveals a rather nasty plasma cutting laser in melee, and begins cutting at Gragkut. The second Lector then leaps back on the wall. Kroz continues to pummel the second Lector, catching fire in the process, while Wurrza bathes the other one in flame. As Grakkar punches out the second Lector, it rips itself apart in warpfire similar to the first. The final Lector leaps at Wurrza, but Kroz shoots it out of the air.
The projector activates once more.
"Regrettable." says the hologram of Garo, " Although my rival, you were spectacular. I shall take my bow by opening my heart and revealing my wisdom." The hologram of Garo walks around a moment. "You fight things you would not believe," he goes, "Principles, Ideas, Things the galaxy has not seen in ages." Garo turns to the players. "The Doubter watches your efforts as he re-awakens into a galaxy of turmoil." Garo looks up. "Belief or disbelief rests with you..." the hologram says as it flickers out. The last Lector finally explodes, its components dragged into the Warp. "OI! YOUZE FINGS RUNNIN AWAY AIN'T ROIGHT OR PROPPA! DA EMPRUH ALWAYS SEZ, A KNIFE KEN ONLY BRING HAPPINESS WHEN CHOPPIN!" screams Kroz angrily. "Guess we gotsta go and find da 'umie" says Grakgut.
Leaving the chapel and stepping outside, the miners are all staring at the Kill Team. Most of them, anyway. Boldo is continually tackling one. "Skooire Boldo! youze gots ta suck da face!" yells Kroz. Boldo chirps. "We'ze seen da true face of 'eresy, an' itz name'z Richard Garo." states Grakgut. "If that is what you believe, Space Marine..." one of the miners says. "'eresy sneaks about in false guizes." says Wurrza. "If Gods ain't for ya, why don't ya try da saintz? Gitz wot dun great fings for dere beliefs! Like...uh..Like Gorkus, da Saint of Brutal Kunnin', an' Morkus, da Saint of Kunnin' Brutal?" says Grakgut. "Yeah! Instead of 'OH PLEASE 'ELP US WEEZE SQUISHY 'UMIES OH EMPRUH,' you'ze go 'IZ GONNA BE LIKE YER 'MUCH AS I'Z KEN BE!" adds Kroz. "Gorkus and Morkus..." one miner says, "I can get behind that!"" "Yeah! Same!" another says. Only Grakgut passes awareness to notice a line of carboard boxes slinking away, piled high with flash gubbinz.
At this point, 'Eadmangla returns. Apparently, his ride took a...detour.
The players return to the Administrator. (Hey, is his name really Fatass?) asks Grakgut. >I never really bothered to name him. (Blobert Smith?) poses Wurrza. (Cankleton?) asks Grakgut. >Blobert F. Cankleton it is.
"Your boyz are back ta normal!" declares Grakgut. "Oh, I, My word, I..." Blobert starts breathing heavily, "Thank you so much, my lords!" "But now onto anuvva issue. Yer 'ealth. You'ze gonna jog wif us back to da bomma, and den you'ze gonna jog back to ya office. You'ze gonna do dis EVERY DAY. Doktah's ordahs." states Grakgut. "...of course, my Lord..." Blobert says as he is almost about to cry. "I'z gunna be 'ard..." starts Kroz. "But you'ze gonna be a betta Blobert!" finishes Wurrza.
Everyone, despite their wounds keeps up a healthy jog as Cankleton struggles to keep pace. "Oi, Battle Brutha 'Eadmangla, ya seem troubled." says Kroz. "I dun trust dat fing, is all." says 'Eadmangla, pointing at Boldo.
Reaching the Administrator Complex, Cankleton stumbles into his office. The Bomma is still there on the landing pad. "Say," Wurrza says to the rest. "We'ze gonna want to check da miners' spiritual 'ealth too."
At this point I remember that Grakgut is still on fire. A quick stop drop roll fixes it though.
"Gud idear! What shuld we do den?" asks Grakgut. "Send some Chaplain boyz down!" says Kroz.
The Kill Team head back to their ship, waiting in orbit. While unloading, Pliskin appears, and gives the loot loadout.
+3 PROFIT FACTOR, +750 XP
As a few boyz hop into a Rok Pod and head down to act as Chaplains to the miners and Personal Trainers to Blobert, we called the session there.
CHAPTER 4
Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy Grisbane Da Charmin' - Freeboota Wurrza Zzappar - Weirdboy
The game resumes above Mining Site 0298. The drop pod containing the boyz dispatched to watch over the miner's "spiritual health" and Cankleton's health flies past. The landing bay maintains its usual rambunctious atmosphere until the voxcaster starts beeping.
"OY BOSS!" yells Uzgob, "Da Skanna Jamma's rattlin' again!" "Put dat on da Main Screen!" says Kroz.
"Testicles 1 2...Testicles 1 2..." a voice goes as what appears to be the form of an inquisitor appears. "This is Inquisitor Calvin Doggfather of the Ordos Xenos. I have been shot down over the Death World of Xomula, and require assistance." "Deffwurld! Sounds like a gud foight!" yells Grakgut excitedly. "My acolytes be deader than Inquisitor Shakur on his last mission, and I holed myself in this poor excuse of a shack. I request a kill team for pickup. Doggfather out." "'Quizitor Shakur? Wot I 'eard, 'e ain't dead." says Wurrza. The signal cuts out. "... Fink iz time ta test how gud us disguising iz?" asks Kroz. "'umies are stoopid anywayz. Don't gotta worry 'bout nuffin!" declares Grakgut confidently, "No 'umie kan beat ol' Grakgut in a game uv tinkin'!" "DATS FINKIN YA GIT!" replies Kroz. "I'Z GUNNA START DA ENJINZ. INISHUTIN KRUMP PRESEQUENCE. GO BUTTON, PREPARE TA BE PUSHED." Kroz rushes at the GO buttun, until Wazgor smashes it in. "Dat. Woz. Me. Button. DUN 'EVA FINK UV DOIN DAT 'GAIN." whispers Kroz in barely concealed rage. "TOOK TOO LONG!" says Wazgor, putting on his best orkish trollface.
The journey is estimated at four days. Sadly, it seems to be a very peaceful journey, with not much happening at all. This saddens all aboard the Looted Krooza, until the Kill Team gets an idea.
"Oi! Uzgob! Kan da skannajamma git someting dats not 'umies askin' fer 'elp?" asks Grakgut. "Dunno, boss! Maybe! It kinda just does stuff." replies Uzgob. "Git me watevah da 'umies fink iz moosik! Oi wanna see wut I gots ta work wit." says Grakgut. "Bringin' on da 'umie kultur..." says Grisbane. "Right, boss!" Uzgob yells over the vox. The Kill Team hears some smacking, smashing, an explosion, and a grot screaming, followed by...Imperial Hymns. "Dis iz wut dey call myoozik?" says Grakgut incredulously. "...dis stuff is squig droppin'..." sighs Grakkar and Uzgob over the vox. "Find sumting by da 'umies but... orkier!" says Grakgut. More grot screaming, more explosions, followed by something the humies call EmperorSmack. It seems to be some sort of 'eavy metal. "Dats much bettah! Now we gots ta show dat wez da best by makin' a bettah band!" says Grakgut. "...I kan't tink uv a name fer our band." "duh, ... Rockz!" says 'Eadmangla. "Too eazy!" says Grakgut. "DAKKA FURY!" says Wazgor. "... DA EMPRUHZ ROKKS!" says Kroz. "Rollin' Rokks!" adds 'Eadmangla. "If weeze da Empruhz Rokks, dats da most ded'ard rokks." says Kroz. "Orkiest myoozik da 'umiez got is dis 'eavy metal. So wez show 'em dat wez da best at it! An' make sum teef at da same time." says Grakgut. "DeffRokk." declares 'Eadmangla. "OI LIKE IT!" says Grakgut. "Dats got sum styles!" adds Kroz. "Oy, 'ow we sup'osed ta make toof if the 'umies don't use teef?" asks Wazgor. "Maybe ya can loot'em when dey'z listenin' to da music?" a cardboard box asks behind the Kill Team. "Oi like Pliskin's idear." says Grakgut. "Foirst tings foirst. We gots ta foind sum boyz that ain't gud fer foightin', but gud fer screamin!" Grakgut says as he sends his grotservant Grakkagrak to find some boyz better at screaming than fightin'. "By da way, boss..." says the cardboard box, "I fink we'ze 'ere..."
Out the window, a grey-green clouded world sits amongst the inky blackness of space. Wurrza walks over to the augurs and adjusts some dials, while reading the talky-box manual upsidedown. Surprisingly enough he gets to see some metrics.
"Xomula is a swamp world that at times can rival worlds such as Catachan and Luther McIntyre. It has a highly dangerous xenoflora and xenofauna. The Atmosphere is often wracked with electrical storms, so caution is advised when flying in." the augur cogitators state.
"CAPTURE. EVERYFING." says Wazgor. "Oi... zat mean we'ze cud... petting zoo?" asks Kroz. "ohhh.... datz a right propa world, gud fer sneakin!" says 'Eadmangla happily. "Dis place iz.... iz... bootiful." says Grakgut as he begins to tear up.
The party begins heading down to the Launch Bays, but Grakkar needs one last ti "Oy, Uzgob!" he yells, "Try ta make me a.... squig... dat screamz! An' you kan stick myoozik tings in it an' it'll scream like da myoozik bit!" "We'll get roight on it, boss!" Uzgob yells, followed by "'EY, GRAKKAR, GET YER LAZY ARSE OVA "ERE, WE'ZE GOT WORK TA DO..." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jHZ0Jk-mmg
The party heads into the Last Danca as the Looted Krooza begins launching Rokk Pods in every direction. Boldo flies in at the last moment. The Launch Bay's rail systems shunt the Last Danca like a bullet out of the bays, as Kroz begins flying down toward the world. As the Last Danca begins to break atmosphere, the flame turns to condensation and steam. Lightning storms begin to flash, but Kroz iz a leaf on da wind as he brings the Last Danca through the storm and lands in some mud.
Welcome to Xomula. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAdLg2YGVBk
The Last Danca's exit bulkhead flops down and squishes in the mud. It's raining. And the air smells like ass and dirt. "ME KIND UV PLACE!" yells Grakgut. "Smells like a Boarboy pen..." says Wurrza. Boldo begins flying in circles around the Last Danca, as its vox picks up something. It appears to be an automated help signal, which the voxcaster pinpoints to a few kilometers to the east. "Da 'umiez alwayz be kallin' fer 'elp!" Grakgut sighs, "Bettah go 'fore dey go an' die!"
The party begins making their way through the swampy mess towards the source of the signal. Every sound makes a squish as the Kill Team's boots hit the mud. Rain belts their faces as the Kill Team passes between the trees, reeds, and bushes.
"Plisken. You an da boyz keep a gud eye out. Somefinz big 'ere." says Kroz. "Dis moight be a trap." says Grakgut. "An' you know wut we do if deres a trap?" "Dakka?" poses Wazgor. "Dakka." replies Grakgut.
"But wun ting yooze gotta remembah." says Grakgut, "Traps ain't orky. So wez gots tah pretend to fall fer da trap...By runnin' roight into it!" Grakgut runs forward. "OH I SURE HOPE I DON'T RUN INTO A TRAP OUT HERE!" he yells as he begins sinking in the mud. Wurrza, 'Eadmangla, and Grakgut begin sinking in the mud, though Grakgut punches the mud, which releases him as the mud dies.
"My time ta shine, and I'z muckin' about... in da muck." sighs 'Eadmangla.
Eventually through the storm the Kill Team sees a building. It appears to be emblazoned with symbols of the Mechanicus. It appears to be a Comms Relay.
"Dat symbol, dat means lootz!" yells Kroz as the Kill Team rushes forward. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6OTbdgt_Ms
'Eadmangla spots a vent opening, and makes his way in through the vents. Grakgut punches down the door as the rest of the team takes the front door. At least it's dry in here. Exploring the complex, there doesn't seem to be much, just endless boxes and cogitators flashing, until 'Eadmangla notes a blue light coming from one vent.until 'Eadmangla notes a blue light. Advancing through the vents, he pops the vent and jumps down to see a familiar face.
"Got something that might interest ya, heh heh heh..." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9l_XYNYczI
Acquisitions go better this time. Kroz still fails to get a pulse rifle, Wazgor fails at a Black Crusade Melta, and 'Eadmangla fails at a Kroot Sniper, though Wurrza gets subskin armor, Grakgut gets his Medical Mechadendrite, and Grisbane gets the spleen of a 'umie that he eats, thinking he'll get +5 Fellowship vs 'umies (Transgenic Grafting). They then try for Refractor Fields which they barely acquire. They come in decorative colors. Each ork takes one.
Black: Grakgut Red: Grisbane Blue: Kroz Green: Wazgor silver: 'Eadmangla Pink: Wurrza
"An' thus the Dakka Rangers are born!" yells Kroz.
Continuing through the halls of the listening outpost, the voxcaster only suddenly picks up static. 'Eadmangla heads back into the vents where he suddenly hears voices.
"This is a great trap we laid." "I know, right?" "Now all we need to do is wait for the imperial scum to answer!" "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" "BY THE DARK GODS IT'S HUMPING MY LEG AGAIN!" "Down, Midget, down!" "Why doesn't it ever hump your leg?" "Because he smells like undeath." "Don't insult the gifts of Papa Nurgle, you empty headed berzerker!" "Both of you shut up. If I didn't shoot down that Inquisitor, nobody would be here!"
"TOLD YA!" Grakgut yells. "I fink deze are...'eretik squig-herdas?" posits Wurrza. "Now wez gots ta set off da trap!" says Grakgut, "Lets give em a gud skare!"
Grakgut runs up to the door. "DIS IS BRUTHA...BRUTHA EZEKIEL JONES! YER TRAP IZ FOILED!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUjxPj3al5U
'Eadmangla rounds the vent to see a Khorne Berzerker, Plague Mehreen, Noise Mehreen, Sorceror, and a short stubby abhuman.
"Oh crap! They're here!" says Noise. "Uh, I don't remember my line!" says Plague. "Guys! Pose like a team!" says Sorceror. "Hated Imperial Deathwatch! Your death is nigh!" yells Berzerker. "For WE!" "ARE!" "THE!" "LIFEGUARDS!" "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"...wot." says Grakgut.
"You know, the Opposite of Deathwatch!" says Noise. "FEAR US!" yells Plague. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" says Midget.
Fighting the Lifeguards is not difficult by far. The halfwits do some damage to the kill team, but they are dispatched relatively easily. Each kill makes the member get sucked back into the Warp. Grakgut punches the chaos squat away from Grisbane's leg, and the entire kill team works to separate Sorceror's arm from his body, after they take a fixation on Sorceror's staff. After severing said arm, it disappears, but the staff remains.
"Dat'll make a good boss pole!" notes Grakgut. Wurrza, making Psyniscience, discovers the stick is infused with the warp and can use it as a psy focus. "See, weez da Deffwotch! We wotch fer stuffZ an' den kill it!" says Grakgut. "... wot if... dey try to stop foights?" asks Kroz. "DEN WE KRUMP 'EM!" replies Grakgut, "An' take dere stikks."
The Kill Team also notes a nearby cogitator, engraved with heretical symbols. 'Eadmangla shoots it, causing it to explode, and dispel what appeared to be a jamming field. The REAL signal appears to be coming from farther east. Continuing through the complex, the Kill Team notes a back door that leads outside again. This time, there is a dock with a Koganusan-pattern Hauling Barge overlooking a large lake with an island in the center. Smoke emanates from the island. The Kill-Team hops into the barge and begins chugging towards the small island.
Suddenly Boldo begins chirping and flying around in circles. "Wot iz it, Skwire Boldo?" asks Kroz. The Kill Team looks to the lake just in time to see a massive fin descend into the water. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nRqlh1fk2E
A massive (and by massive I mean +30 to hit) fish-like creature suddenly jumps the barge, and begins circling. The party unloads into it as it swims. Every time the Chykkaguirus breaches, it splashes water onto the Kill Team which wouldn't be so bad except the runoff from the Mechanicus facility has made the water highly acidic. As Grisbane takes to the skies, Grakgut baits the thing with his severed arm (which he carries with him, he replaced his other arm with a klaw). The Chykkaguirus Larva hops on the boat like a big retarded dolphin and attempts to snare Grakgut with its tongue. However, with plenty of dakka and application of Chainblade, the Chykkaguirus Larva slips into the water.
"Got it!" yelled Kroz.
The body floats up, and flips over, revealing an empty shell.
"...wot." says Grakgut.
All questions are answered when a dragonfly-like spiky monstrosity with huge claws, a pointed abdomen, and two sets of wings flies out of the swamp at supersonic speeds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0ptMqQrS4w
The now Adult Chykkaguirus strafes the Kill Team with sonic booms, deafening them and dealing heavy damage. Beyond the sonic booms, it also shots balls of concentrated sound waves at the Kill Team. This time, Grisbane takes to the skies in pursuit as everyone else continues laying fusillades of fire into it. Grisbane hits it with his chainblade, forcing it to supersonic dive down at the party, where Grakgut is waiting with his klaw. Ultimately it is 'Eadmangla that gets the final shot on its wings, bringing the Death World horror down.
"Dats 'ow ya kill da big'un!" says 'Eadmangla triumphantly.
Pulling the corpse in, the Kill Team takes various trophies as they reach the island. Grakgut attempts to eat part of the Chykkaguirus, but there is so much even an ork digestive system can take, and Grakgut vomits it back up. Cutting open the Chykkaguirus, there are just some half-digested corpses and lasguns. The Kill Team found the acolytes, at least.
Opening the shed door, there is a single dark-skinned man there, holding a small burning wrap of paper to his mouth. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTH2fDzyqOM
"We'ze come ta assist ya!" says Grakgut. "Oh man...I am higher now than Inquisitor Redman at the Inquisitor Source Awards...come hit this shit." the man holds up the burning paper. Grakgut punches the paper as 'Eadmangla catches it midair. "I'z hit it..." says Grakgut. "Fo' shizzle. I'm Inquisitor Doggfather. Good to see you, Astartes." says the man. "shizzle...dere any otha survivas?" asks Grakgut. "Not that I can see, dawg. Man, if I was as much a busta as Inquisitor Method, even I wouldn't be here." says Doggfather. "I'z got no idea wot ya mean, but we'ze 'ere. Ya need 'elp?" "Yeah, I need a way off this stinking rock." says Doggfather. "WE'ZE GOT DAT!" says Grakgut, "...SHIZZLE." "Coolio. Let's go. If I could bum a ride to the world of Cataclysm and the Inquisitorial Station there, that'd be great..." Doggfather says as he coughs a bit of smoke. "Afore we go, woz dere anyfin' in da armory?" asks Grakgut. "There's a rock there. You like rock? I like rock. But white rock. This ain't the good rock." says Doggfather.
The trip back to the ship is relatively calm, for a death world.
"OY, KWIZITOR! YOU KNOW ANYFIN' ABOUT MUSIC?" asks Grakgut. "Yeah, we'ze recruitin' fer a band!" says Grisbane. "I can put a good word in for ya. I'll see what I can do, AFTER we leave." he says. "By da way, wot Ordo you wit' again?" asks 'Eadmangla. "Xenos. I am a bona-fide expert in all things extra-terrestrial. No xeno escapes my watchful eye." he says as his eyes are a bit bloodshot. "Roight. Zoggin' xenos..." laughs Grakgut nervously.
The players head to the Last Danca, and return to the Looted Krooza. Upon the ship, the inquisitor passes the Kill Team a dataslate. "This is Cataclysm, Inquisitorial HQ in the sector. If you could bring me there, that'd be ballin'." "Oi, lads. Dis 'umie moight be smarter den da rest..." whispers Grakgut, "Lookit 'is eyes! Deys all red! Dat means 'es fasta dan da rest!" "Whenever you're ready. I for one am sick of this place." says Doggfather as the Looted Krooza enters the warp. These are inquisitorial pathways, and it goes by relatively quickly. After a few days, the ship exits the warp, and the Kill Team sees the majesty of Catalyst Station, a dual-torus station that acts as the Inquisitorial HQ for the sector.
"Now time to show Inquisitor Method how a stone cold Inquisitor handles a death world." says Doggfather, "Maybe ya can prove it wit' one o' dese" says 'Eadmangla as he passes Doggfather a wing from the Chykkaguirus. "Wisdom." says Doggfather.
Doggfather voxes the station, and within an hour a shuttle is there to pick him up.
"Tell ya what." he goes as he leaves, "If there's a big job I need done, I'll call for you guys." "ROIGHT! We'ze always on duty!" says Grakgut. "We'ze ready!" says 'Eadmangla. "Fo' sho, homes." The Inquisitor boards the lander, "Another day."
The shuttle doors close and the shuttle heads to the station. "OY, BOSS!" a voice yells behind the Kill Team, "Dat woz zoggin' hilarious!" says Pliskin as he reveals himself. "Wots da rundown?" asks 'Eadmangla. +750 XP, +3 PROFIT FACTOR.
And we called the game there, above the world of Cataclysm in the wake of Catalyst Station.
CHAPTER 5
Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy Grisbane Da Charmin' - Freeboota Wurrza Zzappar - Weirdboy
As Inquisitor Doggfather's shuttle heads to Catalyst Station, above the world of Cataclysm, the players consider what to do next. "Eadmangla is mounting the Chykkaguirus corpse to the wall of the bridge, Wurrza is coming off a squig acid trip, and Kroz is attaching spikes to the GO button so nobody else can touch it.
"Oi, you lads tink dat dey got any gud loot on dat station?" asks Grakgut. "Wot say we hail them and take an order?" poses Wurrza. "... You fink maybe all dem 'umies iz as smurt as dat inky zishun nob?" asks Kroz. "Prolly not. 'umies iz stoopid." says Grakgut, "Tiny 'eads. Tiny... finkin' bitz. Not like orkz! Wez gots big 'eads, wez kunnin'!" "Gud logik," says 'Eadmangla. "Dem gits on dat station ain't dat bright." says Uzgob, "Trust me, Me previous krew didn't 'ave much trouble sneakin' in, an' dey wuz 'umies!" "...previous krew?" asks Grakgut. "Now dat'z interestin'..." says Kroz. "Hurr hurr...a story for anuvva time, boss..." says Uzgob. "So call da station! Lets go see da 'umiez in deyz natooral 'abitat." says Grakgut as he begins to walk off toward the launch bays.
As the kill team makes their way down to the Launch bays, Wurrza makes psyniscience. Passing, he picks up signals that Catalyst Station just received something really important, though details are hush hush. Grakgut starts a conversation with Clarence.
"Why iz 'umiez alwayz askin' fer 'elp? Dey kallin' us all da time!" says Grakgut, "'umiez need ta git 'arder!" "Your average human is tiny and weak. They don't have the innate toughness or strength an Ork does." says Clarence, "So naturally they look to bigger things for help." "A git iz only az gud az da 'elp 'e kan give. If yoo iz kallin' fer 'elp, den yooze ain't doin' nuffin'. Yoo iz muckin' about if ya do dat all da time! So's da best fing ta do sumtimez iz ta let dem 'elp demselves!" "Ah, but consider this, boss." says Clarence, "An ork takes a plasma shot, it itches, he gets angry, gets stronger, and krumps the git who shot him. A human takes plasma, he dies painfully, with no chance of reprisal." "Dats... sumfin ta tink about, Clarence." says Grakgut, "Oi want ta 'elp deze 'umies. By teachin' dem TA STOP MUCKIN' ABOUT AN' GIT 'ARDER!"
In the Launch Bay, Grakgut finds his grot manservant.
"OY, GRAKKAGRAK!" yells Grakgut. "Yes, boss?" asks Grakkagrak. "You foind any gitz wots gud at skreamin' but not foightin'?" asks Grakgut. "Jus' about, boss! Found four so far. Real 'ard ta find!" the grot replies. "Four..." ponders Grakgut, "'ow many gitz dose a band need?" "Uh, five." says Wurrza. "WE NEEDZ NUMBA FIVE! FIND ONE!" yells Grakgut. Grakkagrak runs off. At this point Grakkar and Uzgob walk in. "Oy, boss! Ya may want dis!" yells Grakkar as he rounds the corner. He tosses something in the air. Grakgut catches it, noting its a squig. It has wheels, large teef, and a speaker system taped to its back. "Amazin!" he says. "Dere's yer speaka squig." says Grakkar. Plugging it in, it makes pretty loud sounds when connected to a voxcaster.
As the team finally reaches the Launch Bay, Kroz reaches for his voxcaster. "OI. PLISKIN" yells Kroz. "WOT!" a nearby cardboard box says. "I'z got a mission fer youze!" says Kroz. "I'z listenin', boss!" says Pliskin. "Wez gunna NEE GOATY ATE fer more dakka. BUT. While youze and da boyz wifout boarders iz out and lootin, keep an eye out fer loot. Dat station's big. Lots of loot dere. Find all da loot. ALL of it." "Roight boss! I'z see wot we kan do!" Says Pliskin as he waddles off. "AS soon as ya get on da station, we'll do our fing!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jHZ0Jk-mmg
"'Ast Danca to all youze muckin about beakies. GIT IN DA DANCA!" yells Kroz.
The kill team gets on the Last Danca. Boldo flutters in and parks himself on Kroz's head. The doors close, and the Danca is shot out of the Launch Bay. It's a short flight to Catalyst Station. The kill team can pick up multiple docking bays, most arrayed on the larger of the two rings.
"Careful, Careful... dats no planet... roight... no down..." Kroz scrapes the Last Danca down in one of the Launch Bays. The kill team sees another hauler crash nearby. A number of cardboard boxes start pouring out.
"Datz our Pliskin..." says Grisbane. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlk3XgxwQsY
The doors of the last Danca open. Kroz walks over to the intercom. ""THIS IS BATTOL BRUTHA RUBBYKONZE TO CATALYST STATION DOCKIN' KONTROL. WE'ZE SUCCESSFULLY DOCKED AN' EXPECT GUIDANCE WHOTSITS IN REGARDS TA MISSION- CRI...KRITI-...WHERE YER ZOGGIN' GUNS AT?" yells Kroz. "Of course, Deathwatch!" says the intercom, "The Armory is in the center of the station, below Security and Command. The Second Ring is currently blocked off for security renovations." "WHERE IS THE LOCATION OF THE.... PLACE WHERE YOU ALL 'GIT 'ARDER'?" "That would be the Exercisatus Chambers, my lord." says the intercom.
The kill team walks into the hallways of Catalyst Station. They are not well lit. The ceiling arches into darkness. The hallway seems to extend for kilometers, and DOES extend for kilometers. As the kill team makes their way through the halls, they see numerous stormtroopers at attention. Each salutes the kill team as they pass. As they make their way to the center of Catalyst Station, the kill team sees a pair of guards at attention.
".. YOUZE. Who'z yer kommandin officer?" asks Kroz. "I'm Stormtrooper Bob, my lord. This is Stormtrooper Jim. The inquisitors are above in Command and Control." "Youze follow da ordas of da inkyzitter directly?" asks Kroz. "Yes, my lord, to follow otherwise would be heresy! They work with the God Emperor's Mandate, after all." says Bob. The stormtrooper then looks at his companion. His companion is shaking in fear. "OH MY GOD EMPEROR! OOOOOOOORKS!" he yells as he runs off screaming. "...that's odd. What's wrong with Jim?" Bob asks, "I apologize profusely, noble Astartes. I believe he simply hasn't enough sleep." "We'ze...uh, been 'round Orkz. Collected trophies, 'e probably smelled dose." says Grisbane. "Wot's with the renovations anyhow?" asks Wurrza. "Security protocol changes. Nearly fifty years ago, there were a pair of starship thefts out of the station. We're renovating security to ensure it never happens again."
Continuing into the armory, the kill team notes it's mostly hellguns and carapace. They promptly go wild looting as much as they can carry. While looting, they suddenly see a blue light. Investigating, they hear a very familiar voice.
"Got something that might interest ya, heh heh heh..." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9l_XYNYczI
Wazgor finally acquires a Meltagun. Grisbane acquires a power sword after trading in a bunch of stuff. Kroz still fails to acquire a pulse rifle. 'Eadmangla gets a Red Bulb Motion Tracker for his Pulse Rifle. Grakgut acquired a shoulder-mounted Deffgun, and Wurrza (after asking for a power supply) acquires an Isotropic Fuel Rod. However, the team tries for some Jammin' bitz for the Last Danca, and gives in enough teef to autoget the system.
As the merchant walks off behind a door, the alarms suddenly start blaring. "ALL PERSONNEL PLEASE REPORT TO COMMAND." the intercom blares. "Iz weze persunel?" asks Grakgut. "... Oi... anyone else notice dat blue guy brings trouble wif'im?" asks Kroz. "'Ow do you think 'e gets all his stuff?" replies Wazgor. "Our kinda boy." says Wurrza.
Rushing up to the Command Bridge, the hololithic cogitators are displaying a planet. "Ah, Deathwatch, glad you could make it." says one of the inquisitors. "Vile Xenos are attacking the planet Taedium." "Dat sound Tedius. Wot Form of Xenos?" asks Kroz. "We didn't know they would be so far out here, on this side of the galaxy." the inquisitor stops to pause, "It's Rak'gol." "Wot's a rak'gol?" asks Grakgut. ""Six arms, razor guns, tough as an ork, they could give anyone a run for their money. We're mobilizing a fleet to help, but their defenses are struggling to hold." says the Inquisitor, "Can we count on you to assist them?" "DATS NOT PROPA. WARM THE ENJINZ." yells Kroz. "'Course we kan assist!" says Grakgut. "Thank you, Deathwatch." he says, "If there are any surviving Guard out there, they can assist further. "Well den, let'z get our teef's worth!" says Grisbane.
As the Kill Team leaves the station, Wurrza casts Inspire on the nearby stormtroopers. He whips them into a frenzy as they leave Catalyst Station. "DID DA HERO OF THE IMPERIUM COWER WHEN HE FACED DA TIN-HEADED XENO, DA KULTS OF GENESNEAKERS, AND THE BLUE GITS? NO. HE DID IT AND YOU WILL TOO! DA RAKGHOLS GOT WOT? 6 ARMS? HOW MANY DO YOU GOT? I SEE 2 ARMS. 20! 1000 ARMS RIGHT AND PROPPA, WOT'LL DO A NUMBER ON ANY XENO DAT DOESN'T EVEN REGISTER ON DA BASIC GUARDSMAN'S PRIMER!" he yells.
"BATTOL BRUTHA RUBBYKONZES TO ALL KREW OF DA LOOTED KROOZA. PREPARE FOR IM.. UH... IMME... RIGHT NOW DEPARTURE." says Kroz as he rushes to the bridge and hits the GO button.
The Looted Krooza enters the warp. The trip is estimated to take about four days, but halfway through the first a devastating warp storm manifests ahead of the kill team.
"SHORTKUT!" yells Kroz.
This warpstorm is massive, and it's hard to get through it. However, Da Looted Krooza presses on in almost sheer rage. As the Warp storm impacts and strips the hull, however, the kill team loses about 30 hull integrity the first day. While in the warp, the next three days are spent attempting to fix the pieces of the ship that fell off. It's not going well. Over three days the gain a total of 8 hull back.
"YOU GITZ WORK FASTA ON DAT SHIP. WE AIN'T DYIN OUT 'ERE!" yells Grakgut toward the grots fixing the ship, "IF WE DIE, IMMA KILL YOU MESELF!"
On the fourth day in the warp, Pliskin and Uzgob show up on the bridge. "Wot you wanted to speak'bout, Pliskin?" asks Kroz. "Ya see, boss?" says Pliskin, "I always get da good stuff!" "Roight!" says Uzgob. "Boss....BEHOLD!" A grot wheels a tiny cogitator in. "Wots dat?" asks Kroz. "Dem 'umies was REAL protektiv of it..." says Pliskin, "'ad a buncha scribbles on it." "But look wot's on it!" says Uzgob. Uzgob tosses a a missile almost as big as an ork at the Kill Team. "Dey kalled dis one a QAAM." he says, "Zog if I know wot it means, but it trakks flyas right proppa!" "Dat's Gud!" says Kroz. "Got about 20 of'em loaded on da Danca fer ya!" says Uzgob. "Gud Werk. So two tens of'em huh. dats roight 'n proppa. You sez dey fast?" asks Kroz. "Da fastest! Da fings don't seem to wanna miss!" says Uzgob. Uzgob and Pliskin begin to walk out of the bridge. "I'z gonna keep lookin' at dis techy fing for more gubbinz!" says Uzgob, "don't you worry!"
>QAAM: Quick Maneuver Anti Air Missile. They use the same stats as Krak Missiles (3d10+10 Pen 10) but reroll misses vs Aircraft
A few minutes later, the Kill Team feels the familiar rumbling as the Looted Krooza leaves the Warp...and enter a massive Warzone. Rak'gol ships duel with Imperial ships all across space. A pair of Rak'gol cruisers notice the Looted Krooza, and turn to attack vectors.
"Did oi jus' wake up in 'eaven?" asks Grakgut. "ALL SHIPS, WAAAAGH!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJj3LgyxY7o
The Looted Krooza is as fast as a frigate. Kroz rushes forward on attack speed. Wazgor fires the Kannonz and gets a few hits, while Kroz fires the torpedoes, knocking the Rak'gol auspexes out. The rak'gol fire back, but don't do much damage. The following turn, Kroz pulls the Krooza around and unloads a few more torpedoes, while Wazgor unloads a massive storm of missiles out of the kannonz, blowing up a Cruiser. Wurrza gets the krews of the Bommas together, and launches them at the second cruiser. The boyz do some major damage, as more kannon and lance fire rake the Rak'gol.
"Try not ta smash'em TOO 'ard! I wanna loot'em!" yells Kroz.
Then he fires the torpedoes. Not only does he roll maximum hits, he rolls maximum strength. All seven torpedoes hit the Rak'gol cruiser. It's a veritable fusillade of torpedoes, that just don't seem to stop coming. Wurrza watches in horror as the Rak'gol vessel explodes in a massive radioactive fireball.
"Me beautiful gubbinz..." cries Wurrza, "We didn't even get da chance to trade you off..." Grakgut's jaw drops. Never before has he seen such dakka. "DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAAKK... WOT DID I WANNA DO 'GAIN?" says Kroz after looking up. "Zog." sighs Grakgut. "Zog it, Kroz, 'ow we supposed ta loot cinders!" says Wazgor.
The party still discovers signals coming from the surface. It seems the Rak'gol have launched an air assault on the frontier world's surface.
"KROZ TA ALL DA BOMMAS. YOUZE BOYZ LOOT ALL DA BITZ FROM DEM HULKS. STILL BITZ 'N STUFF DAT WORKS, MAYBE EVEN AN ENJINZ, AT LEAST LOTS'O ARMOR." says Kroz as he walks to the Launch Bay, "IZ 'EADIN DOWN TO DA PLANET."
The entire party rushes into the Last Danca. "Gork n' Mork are wit us dis day!" declares Grakgut. The Last Danca is shot out of the launch bay. As the Last Danca breaks atmosphere, the kill team begins to see numerous rak'gol craft in the air. They are heading to the nearby settlements. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0KZlp9m1U8
"KAN'T LET DEM GET TO DA 'UMIE KLANS!" yells Grakgut. Suddenly, a single Marauder Bomber flies by. It seems to be modified with a giant radar. "Good to see you, Deathwatch!" says the MArauder "I'm glad they sent support in time! I'll be providing AWACS for you today. You can call me Walrus." "AHEM. DIS IS BATTOL BRUTHER RUBBYKONZES. YOUZE LINK YER TELEMETRY TO US, AWRIGHT?" says Kroz. "Current situation is a number of stolen interceptors guarding a wing of Bloodflayers. It's imperative that they not reach the towns!" says Walrus, "I will connect ESM when available." Walrus pulls up the Marauder AWACS to higher in the atmosphere. "I can't help until they get a little closer." says Walrus, "But yes, it's open season to all looted craft!" "'e dun mean us does'e?" asks Kroz. "'umies are stoopid. 'course 'e don't!" replies Grakgut. "I wish you luck, Deathwatch. Walrus out."
"Wuts a walrus, OI wundah" asks Grakgut. "Sounds like a Primarch crashin'." says Wurrza. "Dats wen all da 'umies rush a big wall, fer da empruh" says Kroz. "Naw, itz one o' da mythical 'umie squigs." says 'Eadmangla. "...'umies are weird." sighs Grakgut.
Kroz flies the Last Danca directly into the swarm of interceptors. Shootas blare and missiles fly as the interceptors begin to drop. Rak'gol razorguns do a fair bit to the Last Danca but the multiple turrets of the Last Danca even the odds significantly, and the newly loaded QAAMS prove their worth as they track targets incredibly accurately.
"Deatwatch, Fox Three, Kill confirmed!" says Walrus as the last interceptor explodes.
At this point, the first of the three Bloodflayers breaks off and engages the Last Danca. Kroz weaves through enemy fire as missiles and rounds pepper the bloodflayers. Radcannons do a massive amount of damage to the Last Danca, but it holds long enough to take down the Bloodflayers, mainly through immobilizations and engine damage.
"...Incredible." says Walrus, "You Deathwatch really are all you're cracked up to be." "Dat's...how ya kill a zeno." says 'Eadmangla. "Reports are saying the other Kill Teams that came with you are mopping up Rak'gol resistance as we speak. I'll be sure to report that you get a full commendation back at your Watch Fortress." says Walrus. "We kan git shiney bitz fer killin' stuffs?" exclaims Grakgut, "'umies are smarter den I tot!" "Well, it was a pleasure to work with you today, Deathwatch. Maybe we'll see each other again." says Walrus as his AWACS pulls up toward space.
The kill team lands and begins picking through the wreckage. They find a few rak'gol razorguns, and a fair bit of corpses. As Grakgut patches the holes in the Last Danca, the kill team begins gathering the bodies. 'Eadmangla finds a dead broodmaster, and loots his hat. Grakgut decides to eat part of the Rak'gol, and surprisingly does not get sick. It tastes like metal.
"Does this fing look like ya could make a good chair out of it?" asks Kroz. Grakgut sits down on one. It bends a bit, but the corpse holds. "We culd make dese tings into 'ats an' chairs n stuff!" bellows Grakgut.
The kill team packs the bodies and the loot into the Last Danca and heads back to the ship. Taking off, the kill team notices the air get a bit thin but still breathable as they make it toward the Looted Krooza. Scraping into the Launch Bay and hitting the wall with a thud, the Last Danca's doors open. The entire launch bay is a raucous celebration of dakka, choppa, and fried rak'gol as the krew is celebrating the huge fight.
"Well, boss," says Pliskin as he appears behind the kill team, "Here's da loadout!" The Kill team receives +3 PROFIT FACTOR, +750 XP, and we called the session there as the planet's surface flashes lights spelling "THANK YOU DEATHWATCH."
CHAPTER 6
Returning from the world of Taedium, the kill team re-enters the launch bay to find a raucious party going on. All da boyz are celebrating the victory over the Rak'gol.
"WOT IN THE NAME A GORK N' MORK IS GOIN ON IN HERE?" yells Wazgor. "PROPA FOIGHTIN-AFTERMATH IZ WOT" replies Kroz. "Oi see nuffin' rong wit a little pahty." adds Grakgut, "If only we culd git sum myoozik..." Grakgut coughs loudly. "GRAKKAGRAK."
Grakkagrak the manservant rushes out from the crowd. "Yes, boss?" "You find da band yet?" asks Grakgut. "Come see, boss! Dey'z about ta go live!" Grakkagrak replies. "Dat makes no sense. Dey'z not gunna play myoozik if dey wuz ded..."
Grakkagrak leads the kill team to a large stage, ringed with fire and squig. Grakgut takes the corpse of a rak'gol and sits on it, while 'Eadmangla puts on his rak'gol hat. The curtain rises. Five orks are their with various instruments. "I'll try ta point'em out to ya, boss." says Grakkagrak. "Oim listenin'" says Grakgut. "Da fat git on da drums, 'is name iz Squigloaf. Da git on da bass, 'dats Gurk Kobane. On da lead rokka, ya kan see Basorka, an' next ta 'im iz Da Boy Formerly Known As Nob on da keyboarda. Standin' toward da right iz Dakka Kersplosion, who makes all da myoozik, and da git in da centa..." says Grakkagrak with awe...
"...dey call'im Freddy." "Freddy? I thot dat git waz jus' a legend" exclaims Grakgut. "...guess not, boss." says Grakkagrak.
The flames spread as the show begins. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM
The boyz are sitting around watching the show, hooting and hollering, letting out displays of dakka an' choppa. As the first song comes to an end, with a number of 'splodin' squigs going off in the background, the voxcaster starts to buzz. "Oy, boss! Ya dere?" asks Uzgob. "Wut. Iz buzy enjoyin' meself. Dis betta be important!" declares Grakgut. "No, go away." mutters 'Eadmangla, "Myoozik." "Da Skanna Jamma's beepin'!" yells Uzgob. "Dats perty 'portant." notes Kroz. "But da Skanna Jamma's always beepin'!" says Wazgor, "'Ow do you not know dat means itz workin?"
The party reluctantly leaves the concert, and heads toward the Mek Shops. "Oi, Clarence." says Grakgut on the ride up, "Whys da 'umiez alwayz sayin' dat... 'fank yoo' an' 'pleeze' an' 'gud job' 'n stuffs?" asks Grakgut, "Oi saw dem say it wit da loights aftah we saved dem frum deze chairs." "Wot? Dats easy. We'ze beakie." notes Kroz. "Most humans are completely unable to defend themselves from the various dangers of the galaxy. Working 20 hours a day for a war you will never see tends to weaken a human. " adds Clarence, "They do not get the luxury of fighting like an ork does." "But why duz dey be sayin' dose tings? We 'elp 'em an' deyz all loik 'FANK YOO DEFFWOTCH'" "Explaining thanks is difficult. It is kind of like they are happy you were able to do what they could not." says Clarence. "So da 'umiez loik it wen we take dere foights?" asks Grakgut. "If da foight's gotten too big fer'em. Like when boyz go to come back 'n win 'nother day." says Kroz. "Precisely. The common man, unable to defend himself otherwise does, yes." says Clarence. "...umiez iz weird." sighs Grakgut, "Oill nevah undahstand dem." Wurrza looks to Clarence with some incredulity. "Never gonna understand oomies, dat's a fact. Wot bozz says 'ain't no fightin,' it's a whole-lot uv mukkin about."
The party finally arrives at the Mek Shops. "Ah, gud ta see ya, boss!" yells Uzgob, "Take a look at dis!" The message begins playing "This is Agri-world Nebraskus! We require assistance!" a voice says. "The Space Hulk 'Triumph of Unoriginality' has appeared over our skies!" "Wuts so bad about dat Space 'ulk?" asks Grakgut. "DAT SOUNDS OMIN-MOUSSE. WIF A NAME LOIKE DAT... MOAR BEAKIES?" posits Kroz. "We looted da crooza from a Space 'ulk, din'nt we?" "We are defenseless here! Every time this space hulk has appeared, worlds have gone silent! We don't want to be next!" the voice cries. "Please, hel-" the signal cuts out. "Guess dis ting be lootin' dat 'umiez frum da 'umiez!" says Grakgut. "Space 'Ulks always got a good fight, boss." says Uzgob, "Neva know who ya gonna fight on'em." "We culd foind anutha ship on it!" says Grakgut. "DAT SETTOLZ IT. 'TENSION ALL 'ANDS OF DA LOOTED KROOZA. DA TRI-UMPHS OF UNORIGINALITY IZ DA NEXT PLACE FER WAAAGH! 'NITIATIN JUMP!" yells Kroz. "Ere we go!" screams Wurrza.
Da Looted Krooza shakes as it enters the warp. The trip to the world of Nebraskus is actually relatively calm, except for odd signals on the searchy gubbinz. "YOUZE." yells Kroz, ""YOUZE GOT 'WAY LAST TIME, BUT NOT DIS ONE!" Da Looted Krooza once again begins firing into the void.
In the downtime of warp travel, 'Eadmangla grabs his new grot assistant Dak, and passes him a hellgun. They head to the lower levels and practice marksmanship. Dak does decently, but not under pressure, especially when 'Eadmangla tosses a face-eater squig at him and expects him to shoot it.
Meanwhile, Grakgut heads to the Painbay. He reasons that if nobody can see anything on the searchy gubbinz, he'll make something that can. He grabs about 6 grots, and the Torso with legs from Skarfang. He then proceeds to graft the six grots in a ring where the neck stump once was, so they can see in all directions. "NOW DIS GIT IZ GUNNA SEE ERRYTING!" states Grakgut triumphantly. Duct Taping a bunch of grots to the ork, it barely registers. Grakgut sees the grots all trying to move the body in different directions. As it stumbles, they start bickering amongst one another "OI YOO GITZ. WORK DA GETHA!" Grakgut yells. Grakgut then attempts some minor brain surgery to link their minds together. Unfortunately, this is quite difficult, and even Grakgut fails at this. He fries one of the grots' brains, as the five remaining are all screaming, attempting to move the body in unison towards the door. "DON'T YOO RUN AWAY FRUM ME! GRAKGUT AIN'T KILLED NO PASHUNT YET!" yells Grakgut angrily, "OI NEED SUMFIN' STRONGA!" Grakgut rushes to the voxcaster. "OY! ANY UV YOO GITZ A NOB YET?" he yells. "Uh, dun fink so, boss." says one of the boyz. "GAAAAH! GRAKGUT AIN'T GUNNA FAIL DIS WUN." It is now a matter of personal honor. Grakgut grabs the grot-monstrosity and runs towards the zappy bitz in the enjin room. The grots are screaming. "UZGOB. GIT ME DAT KOMPUTAH TING. NOW." says Grakgut, " AN' 'EAD TO DA ENJINZ. WE NEEDZ MO' POWAH" After a few minutes, Uzgob rides with Clarence to the Engines. He has a cogitator with him. Grakkar is there as well. "I dun wanna miss dis!" he says.
"GROT BRAINZ TOO SMALL. TOO WEAK. WE NEEDZ METAL BITZ. AN' MO' POWAH. WE GUNNA MAKE DIS DA SMARTEST GROT TO EVAH WAAAAGH." states Grakgut, "DEN NO ORK IZ GUNNA SAY DAT GRAKGUT FAILED MEDIK SKOOL AGAIN!" Grakgut connects all the grot brains to the cogitator, using the computer as a central processor type thing. He then fashions the grots in a sphere around it, and sticks it onto the ork body for good measure before finally shocking the hell out of it to give it life. After a difficult medicae and tech use, Grakgut successfully integrates the Cogitator into the CyGrot. It buzzes and whirrs. "Iz...iz...iz youze alive?" asks Grakgut. "bzzzz...btt...wot." "Yoo git. Tell me wut youze name iz." "wwwwwhrrr....wot." "YUR NAME YOO GIT." "zzzzzz....wot." Grakgut sighs. "If youze name iz wot, den foin. Wot, TELL ME WUT IZ FOLLOWIN' UZ OUTSIDE DA SHIP!" "bzzzzz....whirr....machine noises....unknown anomaly detected. Unknown anomaly disappeared." "Hm. 'ow far kan youze see tings?" asks Grakgut. "zzzzzz....we kan see stuff fine, boss..." the Cygrot says. All five grot heads turn to Grakgut simultaneously. "Dats kreepy..." mutters "Eadmangla. "Den tell me... uhh... informashun about da place weez 'eadin to." says Grakgut. "krzzzz....Nebraskus, Agriworld, no dakka...bzzzzzzzz...Space Hulk above'em..." buzzes the Cygrot, "btttt....no info available..." The cogitator starts smoking as the Cygrot powers down. "Uzgob. Make shure dis ting dun git borked." says Grakgut as he walks off. "Right, boss..." says Uzgob. He ties a rope to it and drags it off. He doesn't want to touch it.
The Looted Krooza begins shuddering as it exits the warp. It proceeds to enter orbit over the world of Nebraskus. The Kill Team can see the endless fields of growing plants, even from spess.
"Oi 'erd dis place wuz all grox-squig 'n grass" says Grakgut, "Mo' borin' den dat 'umie myoozik." Off the port side of the Looted Krooza appears the massive form of the space hulk Triumph of Unoriginality. The Triumph of Unoriginality is TITANIC. It makes the Looted Krooza look like a raider in comparison. Dozens of ships fused together in a ball of jumbled metal.
"Wundah why itz named dat." asks Grakgut. "Cuz uvva names ain't kunnin' 'nuff." replies Kroz. "Letz jus' git on dis ting. Or meybe jus' blow it up frum 'ere?" poses Grakgut. "BLOW IT UP? YOU GIT, DATS OUR TREASURE!" says Kroz. "DEN WHY'RE WE MUCKIN' ABOUT FER? LETZ GO!" replies Grakgut.
The kill team starts scanning for a place to dock. Grakgut and Wurrza both find one. "Go datta way!" says Wurrza. "No! Datta way!" yells Grakgut as he points at the spot he found. "It's DATTA WAY!" says Wurrza as he points at his spot harder.
Kroz decides to dock at Grakgut's point, and manages to bring the Looted Krooza down. There is a grinding as the Looted Krooza docks with the Triumph of Unoriginality. The access point appears to be through the Boyz' Barracks. Clarence brings the Kill Team toward the access point. It seems a majority of the boyz have already rushed onto the Space Hulk. The Kill Team heads through the docking passage. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qbhelu0X_Wk
Uzgob keeps The Looted Krooza in decent shape. As the Kill Team begins to leave the leave the Looted Krooza and enter the Hulk, they notice the lights flickering and the metal creaking.
"wez dunt 'no wuts on duh ship, soz i sez, i scout a'headz" says 'Eadmangla. "CLANG CLANG CLANG" goes 'Eadmangla as he fails sneaking, staying flush with the wall, forgetting his armor is metal. "Soft az a 'ard boy'z singin'..." sighs Grakgut. "WHYS IT SO DARK?" Wazgor yells, in an attempt to be stealthy.
Passing through ancient rusted hallways and darkened corridors, the kill team wonders how deep this goes. Continuing on, they see one corridor glowing with a blue light. "... WOT. YOU CAN'T BE FINKIN DAT..." starts Kroz. "Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant. "'OW'D YA GET 'ERE?" asks Kroz. "I get around, stranger, heh heh heh..."
Wurrza picks up some Preysense Goggles. Wazgor manages to get an Omnissian Power Axe. 'Eadmangla decides to get a Best Quality Pulse Rifle with Mo' Shooty Upgrade. Grakgut, surprisingly, acquires a suit of Mega Armor, good quality meaning it's been roughly kustomized to look like Terminator armor. And Kroz?
Kroz finally gets a pulse rifle, though an Ammo Glutton.
As a team, they acquire a manufactorum for their ship, to assist with repairs.
"Thank you, stranger..." The Merchant then turns around and walks through a nearby door. Grakgut walks over to the door as it closes.
It's a broom closet. Empty.
Deciding to head deeper into the Space Hulk, 'Eadmangla tries to find a set of vents, but unfortunately fails. Grakgut punches a hole in the wall, revealing one, which 'Eadmangla hops into. 'Eadmangla gets his sneak on as he takes point in the vents, while the rest of the team follows down the hallways. As 'Eadmangla travels down the vent, his subdued clanging suddenly turns to squishing, though still very quiet. Everyone in the main hallway also begins making squishing.
"It looks like da drops o...some squishy dropsy bugthing" notes Wurrza.
Looking around, there's this strange brownish yellow muck about. It's covering the floor first, then the walls and the ceiling too.Grakgut attempts medicae, and notes this biomass...seems to be made of various bits of flesh broken down into a sort of slurry. He can identify bits of 'umie at times, bits of other creatures at other times. The quiet is interrupted by a sudden screech through the halls. As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the walls suddenly explodes. Crawling out are these weird...things. A massive swarm of them. As well, down the hall, the kill team sees a trio of running figures. As they get closer, they appear to be 'umies, but...rotted out.
"DEZE 'UMIEZ AIN'T ROIGHT!" yells Grakgut. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llC8DOBE9vk
The Slaught begin their attack. The swarm of Slaught Infection Forms engulf Grakgut, but fail to hit him. The three Slaught Combat Forms begin firing with plasma repeaters. One is taken out with concentrated pulse fire, as the other two begin advancing.
"DEY SMELL WORSE DEN DA SQUIG PEN!" yells Grakgut. "WOT? DATZ... DATZ PERTY BAD." replies Kroz.
Then Wurrza decides to Push. Perils later, the hall begins to rain blood and Kroz is knocked on his ass. Luckily, one of the plasma repeaters overheats, and the Slaught Combat Forms can be taken care of no problem. Wurrza's burna does major damage to the swarm on Grakgut, and the swarm is finished off by mega- armored power klaw.
"WAAAAAAGH!" yells Grakgut as he punches out the last of the Slaught Infection forms. "DATS ROIGHT BOYZ, KRUMP'EM LIKE DA KREWE SEZ IZ GUD!" says Kroz. The kill team hears more screams all around them, however. Nearby windows to the void show them crawling all over the surface of the hulk. "Deze tings are errywhere. We shuld blow diz place." says Grakgut. "Where da rest o' da boyz anyway?" asks Wurrza. "WUT IF DEY GIT ON DA LOOTED KROOZA?!" yells Grakgut in sudden enlightenment, "KALL DA BOYZ BACK. WE GOTTA BLOW DIS TING UP!" "We 'ear ya, boss! Deze slaught gits are everywhere!" says Pliskin over the voxcaster, "We'ze 'eadin' back."
The kill team decides to leg it. Retracing their steps, they come to a dead end. Except...that end wasn't dead when they last passed through it, and it sure as hell wasn't covered in yellow muck. Grakgut manages to cut partway through the wall, making a hole. Unfortunately, it's not big enough for an ork, and the hole already seems to be...regrowing. Wurrza takes his burna, and singes the renegerating parts, which stop regenerating. Grakgut opens it the rest of the way, and they continue on.
"Wen derez a door, make anutha door!" exclaims Grakgut, "Jus' loik surjery!" "Oy boss!" yells Uzgob over the vox, "I fink I know a shortcut!" "POINT US AT IT ROIGHT NOW!" yells Kroz. "Jus' continue on, den make a right, dat'll put ya straight back to da krooza!"
Heading through the hole, the kill team is rushing through the hallways. They make a right, just as Uzgob said. Continuing down this new hallway, the kill team notices the floor getting thicker with that slaught biomass. As the Kill Team reaches the end, they look up to a spacious room.
The Warp Core. "Weze gotta blow it." says Grakgut. "Itz gonna be a pretty big boom..." says Kroz. "Wait, if we zog da core, how we supposed ta loot the ship?" asks Wazgor. "Dunno. Why don'cha ask da rotted 'umies?" quips Kroz.
As the kill team approaches the core, a voice rumbles through the darkness. The biomass around the kill team begins to shift around the warp core.
"THE SLAUGHT KNEW NOT WHAT THEY HAD WROUGHT WHEN THEY CREATED ME..." "MIND AND BODY WILL JOIN ME, INSTEAD OF ROAMING FREE."
"...wot." says Kroz. "Ain't dat git a Slaught?" "DIS MUCK BE MEDIKALLY IMPLAUZIBLE!" exclaims Grakgut.
Sinews of biomass curl around the warp core as one of the Tentacles turns to the Kill Team.
"JOIN YOUR CORPSE TO MINE, AND SING OF TIMELESS VICTORY," says the largest tentacle of the Slaught Compound Mind. "OI AIN'T JOININ' WIT NO GIT!" replies Grakgut.
Multiple insectoid Slaught Pure Forms enter the core, as the Kill Team readies themselves against this new enemy. Wurrza notes something odd about the compound mind, but can't quite figure it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpOVKbM7vlA
The Compound mind unfurls its tentacles. Sustained Pulse Fire damages it heavily, but the real damage to the Kill Team comes from the Slaught Pure Forms. One skitters forward, morphing into a hulking monstrous form as it smashes directly into Wazgor. Another morphs into a fleshy protrusion that shoots lances of biomass at Grakgut, which even his Mega Armor has trouble defending against. AS Wazgor and Grakgut work on the Pure Forms, Kroz, 'Eadmangla, and Wurrza begin attacking the Compound mind, which itself retaliates with its toxic tentacles.
And Wurrza once again decides to Push. This time, it's only Shadow in the Warp, and everyone gains a few insanity points. However, his Ork Bolts fly at the Compound mind...and fizzle. Wurrza once again tries psyniscience. He looks deep into the Compound mind...and sees nothing there.
"Da boyz got Gork n' Mork, da 'umies got dere Empz, but dis git ain't got nuffin!" yells Wurrza, "Rokk'im!"
Enough concentrated pulse fire can kill anything. 'Eadmangla takes aim at the Compound mind, and lets out a single called shot. It hits straight in its talking tentacle. It shudders for a moment, and then it starts talking again.
"NOW THE GATE HAS BEEN UNLATCHED, HEADSTONES PUSHED ASIDE," "CORPSES SHIFT AND OFFER ROOM, A FATE YOU MUST ABIDE..."
"HAHAHAHAHA YOUZE ALL LISPY NOW!" yells Kroz. "i shot em up... but i dun loik wut 'e said!" says 'Eadmangla. "'least ya shut it up!" replies Grakgut.
The warp core suddenly starts shaking. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Unkrc1saV2A
"Warp levels critical. Energy spike rising. Evacuate immediately." says the hulk's voxcaster. "GIT OUTTA 'ERE LADZ!" yells Grakgut. Running through the halls toward the Looted Krooza, the kill team is chased by countless slaught pure forms. Firing wildly behind them, they finally reach the passageway into the Looted Krooza. Uzgob has rallied some of da boyz to lay supressive fire, and by that I mean fire down the hallway and maybe something will get shot. As the kill team hops through the closing bulkheads, Wazgor gets one last shot with his melta and fries a bunch of slaught infection forms. Clarence shows up, and brings the kill team to the bridge.
"GIT US OUTTA 'ERE! DA TINGS GUNNA TAKE US WIT IT!" yells Grakgut. Kroz disengages Da Looted Krooza as the Macrobatteries and lances are pounding the hulk. But it seems the explosions are coming from inside. After a bit of rumbling, the Space Hulk blows up in a massive ball of plasma and warp energy. Most of the debris seems to be burning up in atmosphere. The Slaught do not have Dispersal Pods, it seems. The Kill team does see some slaught burning in the atmosphere, but it seems most of them were sucked in when the warp core went nuclear.
Wazgor, Grakgut, and 'Eadmangla notice various bits floating outside, probably from the space hulk. 'Eadmangla holds his breath and goes outside to get a piece of the broken warp core as a souvenier.
The voxcaster picks up a signal. "N...noble Space Marines, have you come to deliver us?" a human voice says. "Wuts dis git mean?" asks Grakgut. "WE'ZE BLOWN UP DAT HULK, TINY 'UMIE." says Kroz. "Oh...I...that was you, I...Thank you, Space Marine, for saving us all here!" says the voice. "All of Nebraskus will never forget you!" it says. "Mehy duh Emprah watch ova ya?" says 'Eadmangla. "DA EMPRUH ALWAYS SEZ: YOUZE GETTIN SAVED IS DELICIOUS. BUT DA BEST PART OF DA ENJOYABLES IS DA WAITIN FER IT. YOUZE HAVE A GUD FOIGHT NOW. LOOTED KROOZA, OUT." says Kroz.
As 'Eadmangla hangs his trophy on his wall, and Grakgut begins checking the boys for slaught infection, we called it there.
CHAPTER 7
Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy Grisbane Da Charmin' - Merc (He was unable to make it this session due to prior engagements) Wurrza Zzappar - Weirdboy
The players resumed their watch on da Looted Krooza, staring at the exploded remnants of the space hulk they were just on. Pieces are breaking up in atmosphere. There appears to be no more slaught.
"Dat 'splozion woz righteous n' propa. Lacks loot tho..." says Kroz. "Oim gittin' roight ti'ard o' dis." Grakgut sighs, "We shuld git inta a noice foight dat ain't wit no squig-sacks. Noice n' proppa." Grakgut begins to reminisce. "Oi remembah back a'fore. Wen foights wuz noice n' proppa. A krumpin' 'ere. A ded git dere." sighs Grakgut. "Forgot ta loot'em tho." adds Kroz. "Ah, yea. Dat too." notes Grakgut, nodding warmly at the nostalgia. "Speakin' o' fights an' loot, boss,... says Uzgob as he walks in, "Guess who's lookin' for ya?"
Uzgob pushes a button on a control panel. A message starts. "Testicles, testicles, you all gettin' this?" says a very familiar voice, "This is Inquisitor Doggfather to the Watch Station on Catalyst Station." "Oi! It'z dat Inky Zishun!" yells Kroz. "If you could send over that Kill Team that helped me out before, that'd be ballin'." "Ah! Dat git kan git us a gud foight!" exclaims Grakgut. "I'm holding position over the holy world of Surat Thani, the Cemetery World. I'll be waiting for a response. Doggfather ou-" the signal cuts.
"...wots a semmatery?" asks Kroz. "Oi gess dis be a riddle fer Clarence." says Grakgut. "Sem Terrians...da Empurah's World guards?" poses Wurrza. "Iz dat un of dem places dat 'as all dem roks dat just sit in da ground?" asks 'Eadmanga. "Meybe. Letz go foind out." declares Grakgut.
Heading down to the Mek Shops, Clarence is working on his buggy. "Oi, Clarence!" asks Grakgut. "How can I help, boss?" asks Clarence. "Wots a seemytarry?" asks Grakgut. "A Cemetery?" Clarence ponders a moment. "A Cemetery is where the humans bury their dead...and the deads' possessions." "Wut." replies Grakgut, "Dats stoopid." "CLARENCE! Did ya just say...LOOT?" yells Kroz. "Dey just leave da stuff undaground?" asks 'Eadmangla. "In a way, boss." says Clarence. "Yes. Often, selfish dead humans are buried with their material possessions." "Why do 'umiez bury dere ded gitz?" asks Grakgut, "Wen a git iz roight ded, yer supposeta stomp ovah 'im an' keep foightin'!" "yeah, dey won't miss der stuff, dez dead!" says 'Eadmangla. "As a mark of respect. When an ork dies, Gork and Mork give him a new body so he can keep fightin' and winnin'. A human gets no such blessing." says Clarence. "Wot?" asks Grakgut, taken aback, "Dis be da saddest ting oive evah 'eard." "... poor humies... im feelin... sad fer dem now.." says 'Eadmangla. "An' wut 'apppenz oif yoo bury a git 'rong?" asks Grakgut. "Yeah, we'ze seen some o' dem come back up." adds Wurrza. "Almost everyone has a soul. Some human souls become restless at times. Maybe they were buried wrong, maybe they had unfinished business, I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that, boss." says Clarence, as he heads back to work. "So deyz become ghosts?" asks Grakgut, "OI NEED TA KRUMP ME A GHOST! DEN GIVE IT A ROIGHT PROPPA SERGERY!" "'ERE WE GO!" yells Kroz as he hits the go button.
As the Looted Krooza enters the warp, its expected to take about three days. However, over the second day, the searchy gubbins once again pick up strange signals. Ships that appear there once, only to disappear. This is starting to sound very familiar. Once again, all the guns start blazing in every direction.
"Toime ta test CyGrot!" yells Grakgut. Heading to the other side of the Mek Shop, Uzgob points at a closet. "It'z in dere, boss." sighs Uzgob. "Why yoo lookin' loike a krumped git?! Dis be fer Soiense!" says Grakgut as he walks to where Uzgob was pointing. "Dat fing ain't proppa, boss." mumbles uzgob as he starts fixin' the skanna jamma. "Oos ta say wuts proppa an' wut ain't?" states Grakgut. Opening the closet, all five grot heads turn to Grakgut. "krzzt....We see you, boss..." "...Ew." mumbles Grakgut, "Uhh.. CyGrot! Go an' see oif yoo kan deetekt dat otha ship!" The armless monstrosity that is CyGrot begins walking, rather oddly, towards the bridge and the searchy gubbinz. After about 15 minutes, Cygrot reaches the bridge. 'Eadmangla falls out of his chair staring at it.
"WOT DA ZOG." yells Kroz. "Lookit Kroz! Oi fixed da skannin' problem!" declares Grakgut happily, "Oi made dis git!" "Oy...it's got a lotta 'eads..." mumbles Wurrza. "bzzzt...good ta seeeeeee-ee ya, boss..." the Cygrot says as it turns to Kroz. Wurrza tries to read its mind. He senses a great disturbance in the warp, as if six voiced cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. It is unnerving. Wurrza gains one insanity. "Now! CyGrot! Use da searchy gubbinz an' see fer dat otha ship!" yells Grakgut. Making Detection by two degrees, Cygrot's heads all suddenly point in different directions. "He'zzzzzzzzzzt that way, boss..." the Cygrot says. The heads move around as if tracking something. "YA SEE DAT, YA GITZ? DEY FINK DEYZ GOTS US SURROUNDED. USE DA GUNZ!" yells Kroz.
Everyone on the ship proceeds to fail ballistics tests to shoot in random directions.
"Si-i-i-gnal lost. boss..." says Cygrot. Its five heads do a 180. At this point, 'Eadmangla notices that as Cygrot's five heads turn in unison back at the Kill Team, something is laying there. A sixth head. It doesn't appear to be moving.
"Wuts 'rong?" asks Grakgut. "wuts... dat" stutters 'Eadmangla. He taps the head, and it twitches a bit. He pokes it with his finger, and the head convulses, before falling silent. "Oi'll 'ave ta git a new 'ead. Meybe a weirdboy dis toime..." ponders Grakgut. "Roit...let's get da weirdboy...wait I'm da weirdboy!" says Wurrza. "...Meybe Oi kuld stikk on Skarrfangs 'ead..." considers Grakgut, "But dat git is roight kunnin. Bettah brain 'im a bit foirst!" Grakgut drags Cygrot off and sticks him back in the closet.
"Turnin off da warp fingies... Iz almost dere." says Kroz as he prepares to leave the Warp. Grakgut heads to the pain bay just as the Looted Krooza begins shuddering. The ship exits the warp over a rocky plateau-filled world. Thermal storms blaze in the atmosphere. The players can also see the form of Inquisitor Doggfather's Avenger-class Grand Cruiser. It is broadcasting inquisitorial IFFs. "Ah, Deathwatch. Good to see you again." says Doggfather through the voxcaster. "RUBBYKONZES'ERE. WOTS DA FOIGHT?" yells Kroz. "Hop aboard the Dogg Pound, we can discuss it more here, in comfort." says Doggfather. "Awight. I'z bringin' da grog." says Kroz.
Some of the grots immediately run to the mess hall, and start packing it on the Last Danca. 'Eadmangla grabs his grot Dak, ties it with some string to a stick, sticks the stick on his armor, puts a helmet with a happy face on it, and walks proudly onto the Last Danca with his new Cherub. Boldo flutters in as the doors lock. Lights flash as the Last Danca is shot out the launch bay in the general direction of the Dogg Pound. The Kill Team finds the bay that Doggfather was talking about. Their landing isn't the softest, but it's decent and there is no damage to the Last Danca or the Launch Bay. The doors of the Last Danca flop down. The surrounding bay looks quite opulent, with plush carpet and soft purple walls.
"Dats sum snazzy wotzitz." says Kroz. "now dis is flash." says Grakgut, "Wut if dis git iz a flashgit datz pretendin' ta be a quizzytoor?" A servitor waddles up to the door. "Kill Team, Lord Doggfather can be found in the Observation Bay, ten levels up and a kilometer down ways." says the Servitor. Boldo flutters out and lands on the servitor's head. The servitor does not seem to notice.
Everyone heads up to the Observation bay, though 'Eadmangla ducks into a side room and starts stealing carpet. Besides the crew and many strange smoke clouds rolling through the ship, the way up is relatively uninteresting. The players finally reach the observation bay, where they see the stars through the thick glass. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTH2fDzyqOM "Ha ha ha...'bout time you got here, homies." says Doggfather. He is holding a burning piece of paper and sitting in a large fluffy chair, "Come hit this shit." "Wot?" Kroz asks as he takes the paper and tries it out. Grakgut then proceeds to punch the paper, and by extension, Kroz's face. "OW! DAT WUZ ME FACE!" yells Kroz. "Whyz dis git keep askin' fer me ta krump dat papah?" asks Grakgut, confused. "Wot wuz dat?" asks Kroz. "The good shit." says Doggfather, "Now, on to business." "Roight!" says 'Eadmangla. "A very famous thief in the sector has stated he's gonna steal a bunch of artifacts out of this holy world." coughs Doggfather. 'Eadmangla begins to sweat. "Why'd da thief announce 'imself?" asks Grakgut. "He sometimes does. Now, here's the thing..." he says, "This thief...I know it's not him this time." "Woddya mean?" asks Kroz. "Because..." starts Doggfather. "...because otherwise I wouldn't have brought it to his attention." says a voice. Another figure sit on a nearby fluffy couch. It is wearing a purple overcoat and a feathered hat. It's a Tau. "Xenos!" yells Grakgut. "You can call me Korst'la..." says the Tau, "...Korst'la the Third." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHEP71Wt_I8
"... you'ze one of dem Tau! Wut you doin' 'ere?" asks 'Eadmangla. "We...kinda tolerate this one." coughs Doggfather, "just barely." "Wot? Why?" asks Grakgut. "His grandfather helped out the sector nearly fifty years ago, along with a company of the Black Panthers and a busta Rogue Trader whose neck I personally would have liked to throttle." "So...wot we'ze gonna do?" asks Grakgut. "Well, we're going to find the thief who's soiling my good name." says Korst'la, "even I don't hit cemeteries. "Why? Nuffin' gud in dere?" asks Kroz. "Just don't seem proper, Deathwatch." says Korst'la. "I'm going to have you search the nobility vaults." says Doggfather, "that's the most likely place for a strike." "Wot lootz dey got?" asks Kroz. "Man, I don't know what the fuck these noble-types have. It's always something illegal." sighs Doggfather, "so that's what will probably go first." "To da Nob-vaults, den!" yells Wurrza, "We'ze burn doze thieves out like fiery squigs!" The inquisitor passes the Tau a burning paper. "And I'll be searching the vaults of the Guardsmen." says Korst'la. "HEY, JAMAL, GET OVER HERE." Korst'la yells.
A spess mehreen appears, a techmarine in the colors of the Black Panthers chapter. Behind him appears to be an Eldar, in a spiky looking suit of armor. "Battol Brutha Jamal? You'ze da flya of dere ship?" asks Kroz. "One of the best! 'Bout time someone recognized my skill!" says Jamal. "Uh, Korst'la..." says the Dark Eldar. "Yes, Gramps?" asks Korst'la. "Those are..." starts Khodexus. 'Eadmangla hold his breath, and Grakgut starts shaking his head vigorously. "...some of the finest Spess Mehreens I've ever seen!" declares Korst'la. Khodexus facepalms. Jamal begins heading off to prepare Korst'la's ship. "Shuld any of youze need a ride, da Chapta Relik da Last Danca 'as rokkit pod space." offers Kroz. "Nah, bro. We're good. My Phantomfish work just fine for me." says Korst'la, "But thanks anyway." The way back is relatively quick. The Last Danca has been refueled and stands ready for action. Boldo chirps and flies in the door. "Skooire Boldo. Youze always 'round. Dats gud. youze learn lots wif us." Boldo chirps. Kroz makes the necessary preparations for departure. Unfortunately, the bay has no launch rail, so takeoff is a bit slow, though still fast enough to get where the kill team want to go. Circling around the Dogg Pound, the kill team reaches the other side, to see a Tau Custodian-class Battleship. "Like what you see?" asks Korst'la over the vox. "It's shiny," says Wazgor, "But it's not shiny enuff." "Studio 69's been in my family for three generations. It's an old ship, but it's what's inside that counts." says Korst'la. "I suppose that means Jamal's on polishing duty again." says Khodexus over the vox. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" the channel cuts out as Jamal screams. The kill team suddenly sees a purple ship pass them. It looks like a Tau Orca, but much more rounded and heavily armed. And then it disappears. "Bettah git goin', dey'll beat us to da foight!" says Grakgut. "... ow'z e got dat fing to go not seein?" wonders Kroz as he heads planetside.
Breaking atmosphere, Kroz flies through the thermal storms relatively easily. The kill team finds a large, sprawling complex. This appears to be the Mausoleum of the Nobility. Landing relatively softly, the doors of the Last Danca fall with a thud. "Iz we da first unz to da foight?" asks Kroz. All of a sudden, the kill team sees a disturbance in the clouds. The purple ship once again appears, and flies further. "We're checking out the other vaults. Good luck, Deathwatch. " says Korst'la. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-8I-SET1ec
The sun is hot, and the ground is dusty. The constant dust storms appear to be having their way on the Mausoleums. The kill team hears nothing but the howling winds.
"Meybe... Meybe dis 'owlin' is da ghosts!" yells Grakgut, ""WOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Dats ghostie talk fer 'COME OUT 'ERE SOS OI KAN KRUMP YA!" "Roit, can we get da skanna-jamma to 'elp out with da lootin...sweeping?" asks Wurrza. "Gud idear! Yellabox at Uzgob!" says Grakgut. "I'z on it, boss!" yells Uzgob. Uzgob runs the sensors. It seems that while most don't have much to offer, there is one that pings on the searchy gubbinz. Grakgut heads to that one while the rest of the Kill Team head to some other smaller mausoleums. Liberal application of Melta is a wonderful key, and the kill team opens most of the mausoleums. They find only old lasguns, charms, and dead guardsman skeletons, all of which are shoved into Kroz's and Wurrza's loot bag.
Meanwhile, Grakgut walks up to the door of the supposed loot-filled mausoleum. He raises his klaw, and...stops. Suddenly, he can't move. "Wut da zog...?!" yells Grakgut, "IZ DIS DA GHOSTS?!" Grakgut continues yelling at the ghosts until the rest of the team reach him. "Oy, Grakgut..." says Wazgor, "Yer arma'z outta fuel!" "Zog! BRING ME MO' GAS!" Grakgut yells. "... wot... youze... HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kroz can't stop laughing. Wurrza opens the door with a doom bolt to the hinges, though he pushes and the kill team's heads are filled with the whispers of daemons. Being orks, they don't seem to care much though. The door crashes to the ground, and the kill team is suffused by a blue light in the crypt. "Got somethin' that might interest ya, heh heh heh..." says the Merchant http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9l_XYNYczI Wurrza picks up some sparky knobs for his burna. Kroz gets a good MIU, and Wazgor gets a Bigga Barrel for his Meltagun. 'Eadmangla tries and fails to obtain a pulse carbine. The team picks up upgraded gunner gunz for the Last Danca. And Grakgut demands a better power source. He spits out enough teef to autoget a fuel source. So the Merchant rolls him an isotropic fuel rod. Grakgut, lacking power cannot install it himself. So he keeps yelling until Kroz replaces the diesel engine with the isotropic fuel rod. The Merchant walks off.
"KANT. MOVE." yells Grakgut. "hm... PUT... DAKKA... 'ERE...." reads Kroz, "Nooklear iz close enuff." The fuel rod takes, and Grakgut's armor has power again. Kroz nods at himself, proud of his technical expertise of thing goes in hole.
The crypt is more or less empty. By now, the players have gone through most of the crypts worth going through. Kroz and Wurrza are covered by about 30 charms each, and have massive sacks of lasguns and skeletons. The kill team now decides to loot the big mausoleum. Grakgut gets a running charge at the door and TONKA TUFFS through it, leaving an ork-sized hole for the rest of the team to get through.
"ANY GHOSTS IN'ERE?!" yells Grakgut as he finishes charging in. "Of course not, Deathwatch..." a voice echoes back. "Okay, Oi'll be leavin' now." sighs Grakgut, and then he stops. "WAIT A MINNIT!" he yells, "ONLEE A GHOST WULD SAY DAT DERES NO GHOST!" Grakgut gets angry. "DIS GHOST BE TRYIN' TA TRICK ME!" yells Grakgut as the kill team starts charging down the halls. "Iz you loot?" asks Kroz.
Charging down the halls of the Mausoleum, the kill team sees a figure in the far side of the room at the deepest end of the hallway...A human in a tailored black suit and a white vest. Out of the darkness of the Mausoleum, five Lectors hop out, flanking Richard Garo. The Lectors roar and begin circling.
"GARO, YOU GIT! YOO AIN'T A GHOST!" yells Grakgut angrily. "Nice to see you too, Deathwatch." says Garo, "but it seems what I was looking for wasn't here after all." "DEN WHY'RE YOO STILL 'ERE?!" asks Grakgut. "You caught me as I was leaving, to be honest." he says. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wFniUZ637s
Combat begins innocently enough. The Lectors take flanking positions, while Kroz and 'Eadmangla open up with pulse fire. The Lectors fire out some supressive shots, while Grakgut runs forward.
And Wurrza pushes as normal. Warp Ghosts are summoned all over the place. This causes Fear 1, which the players get a +50 against because five of them. Everyone passes...except Grakgut.
"GHOSTS!" He yells as he is forced to run away the distance he just covered. "Zog it, why you'ze runnin' like a weedy grot?" yells Kroz.
I, of course, found this ironically hilarious.
Wazgor engages Garo by charging right into him with his jump pack.
The next turn, combined pulse fire brings down a Lector, while Grakgut runs away. The Lectors continue firing, and Garo is dueling Wazgor with twin swords.
"I was once Vanus, you know." says Garo as he unleashes a torrent of fluid power sword strikes, "I can teach you so much, if you'd only listen." "Go suck a squig!" Wazgor replies. "Logic and understanding are the key! But you must open your mind to the truth first!" says Garo.
Wurrza once again pushes. This time he whips everyone surrounding him (Kroz, 'Eadmangla, and Grakgut) into a murderous frenzy. They stop firing and begin charging into melee combat.
Kroz and 'Eadmangla are pitiful in melee combat.
Grakgut, however, is in his element. Together, the three take out two other Lectors.
"Well, Deathwatch, it was fun, but I must be going." Garo takes a step back and disappears in a flash of light. The players mop up the rest of the Lectors, which explode in warpfire except for one.
The kill team suddenly hears noises - one a set of fast footsteps, the other a hissing of gas. "Heard it from this way, Doggfather." says a mechanical synthesized voice. "GET BAK'EAR YA FLIMSY DODGY GIT!" yells Kroz. "Late to da pahty!" says Grakgut. "Hmm, you were right." says Doggfather as he finishes running down. A few moments later, a Commander-Class XV-9 battlesuit also jets down the hall. The XV-9 looks rusted and battle-scarred. "My assistant detected anomalous signals, like a teleportation." says the XV-9, "Was there anything you all saw?" "Oy, dat Chaos Heretik Garo" says Wurrza. "Chaos? What-" starts Doggfather. Suddenly the Lector stirs. Its holoprojector activates. "Regrettable." says the hologram of Garo, " Although my rival, you were spectacular. I shall take my bow by opening my heart and revealing my wisdom." The image moves around. "What was once one is now two. Twin faces of the same being. Both are-" The hologram cuts out from combined fire from Kroz and 'Eadmangla. "OI WUZ LISTINEN TA DAT!" says a very annoyed Grakgut. "Dun't listen tuh him, 'e's wicked tricky." replies 'Eadmangla.
"Twin faces? One now two?" Doggfather ponders a moment. "I have no knowledge of this." the XV-9 says. "Don't worry, Korst'la, Kill Team, I need to make a call." Doggfather pulls out a long range vox and dials a number. "Nuffin runs from Kroz this many times 'n lives. NUFFIN!" yells Kroz. "Yo Dre, it's Doggfather. No, who gives a shit about that? We've got-...YES, I'M BRINGING THE GUMBO NEXT TIME. But there's-NO, I DON'T CARE. GET YO' MALLEUS ASS OUT HERE. WE GOT DAEMONS AND SHIT." Doggfather yells as he hangs up. "This is troubling." Doggfather ponders a moment, "I need to look up what that Garo means, yes." Korst'la turns to the Kill Team. "Did you detect anything that was stolen?" he asks. "Sez 'didn't find wot i comez fer' 'fore we started foightin." says Kroz. "We ain't searched..." adds 'Eadmangla. "Interesting." the battlesuit hums. "I will have my men assist in the inventory in the interim." "I best not find yo' hands in the cookie jar." says Doggfather. "Be cool, homes. I said I don't steal from dead people." replies Korst'la. "Di'nt know dat dere wuz cookies 'ere..." says Grakgut. "Well, thanks for your assistance, Deathwatch." Doggfather says, "If I got mo' problems, I give you all a call." "Actually..." Korst'la says, "I may borrow them as well one day. I don't know how to pay an Astartes, but I'm sure we can find an agreement..." "Youze gots lotz'o stuff, weeze loike stuff. uh... IT ALLOWS DA DEFFWOTCH MUHREENS TA DO US JOBZ BETTA" interjects Kroz. "Ha. Maybe one day we can work together. But for now, I'm helping Inquisitor Smokes-a-lot here." Korst'la jets upward. "Maybe another day, Astartes." he says. The voxcaster starts shaking. "Boss!" says Pliskin, "We'ze got da goods! We'ze done 'ere!" "Pliskin, you gots da cookies in'ere too roight?" asks Kroz. "Uh, yeah, boss!" says Pliskin. 'Eadmangla nicks the broken projector off the ground. "I'z gunna...catalog dis bit." says 'Eadmangla as he stuffs it in his armor.
Outside, it seems Doggfather is landing some of his men to assist with the cataloguing of the dead. "Astartes." "My Lord." "Sir." they salute the kill team as they walk past. The kill team is attempting to make the bags of looted stuff look as small as possible. Boldo flutters into the Last Danca as they take off. The flight back is fast and calm.
"Dat flight wuz borin'." says Grakgut. "Sorry. Iz wuz finkin." replies Kroz. "Finkin'? Dat ain't orky." says Grakgut. "Iz'll find us a warpstorm fer next time" retorts Kroz.
"OY, BOSS!" says a nearby cardboard box as the players return to the Looted Krooza. "PLISKIN!" yells 'Eadmangla. 'Ere's da rundown!" says Pliskin. The players received 500 XP and 2 PF.
"All dem fings iz in me 'ead..." sighs Kroz. "Oi kan git inta yer 'ead fer ya, pull dem tings out!" offers Grakgut. "Naw. Need ya ta put one in tho." says Kroz as he shows him the MIU.
We called the session there.
CHAPTER 8
Kroz Rubbykonzes - Flyboy Grimslag 'Eadmangla - Kommando Wazgor Shakbag - Stormboy Grakgut Grumwizzlewot - Painboy Wurrza Zzappar - Weirdboy
The Kill Team has returned to the Looted Krooza, above the world of Surat Thani, the cemetery world for the sector's Guardsmen. Studio 69 and the Doggpound are in orbit. They appear to be holding. A steady stream of troops is flowing from each ship to the surface. Wurrza is meditating, and trying out his zappy powers on squigs, attempting to start a barbecue. 'Eadmangla is thinking of ways to loot some XV-9 armor himself. As the doors to the Last Danca open, Grakgut steps out...and crumples to the ground, asleep.
"Iz... wots dat smell?" asks Kroz.
'Eadmangla attempts to put Grakgut out...and catches on fire himself. 'Eadmangla is now running around on fire, while Grakgut begins sleepwalking, while still on fire. See, Grakgut has enough toughness to completely eat fire damage. He also is regenerating fatigue as fast as the fire gives it. So as long as he is on fire, he stays asleep. Grakgut is in a state of fiery quantum balance.
"OI! OI! NO FIRE ON ME SHIP!" yells Kroz. "DA FIRE HURTS!" replies 'Eadmangla. "Oy, ya didn't have ta start cookin' yerselves first!" says Wurrza.
After a bit of searching, Kroz finds some blanket squigs, and tosses some to 'Eadmangla, who puts himself out. He then looks at Grakgut sleepwalking away. "Best not bother 'im..." mutters 'Eadmangla. "Dun let'im walk inta da fuel tanks or weeze'll go fast da wrong way!" says Kroz. At this point, the voxcaster starts blaring. "Oy boss!" yells Uzgob, "Da skanna jamma's blarin' again! Dis wun looks interestin'!" Kroz switches to the main screen for the Skanna Jamma. "-and today, we will rout the disgusting Xenos where they stand!" says a voice. "The Eldar claim dominion over this world, but by the Emperor we shall see them burn! All able ships are advised to meet outside the orbit of Scholar's Rest!" 'Eadmangla gets a serious mad-on. "We shall show them the fury of the Imperiu-" as the signal cuts out.
"Doze Panzees ain't takin' a world on MY wotch!" yells Kroz, "Clarence! Git me to da bridge!" "Of course, boss!" says Clarence, as he points at Grakgut walking off, "Is he going to be okay?" "'e'z just sleepy!" says Kroz. Wazgor decides to follow Grakgut as Clarence brings Wurrza, Kroz, and 'Eadmangla to the bridge. "Awright! ALL BOYZ GIT YER SLUGGAS AND YER CHOPPAS ALL GUD, IZ TIME TA HUNT DA POINTY'EADED PANZEES! ERE WE GO!" yells Kroz, though 'Eadmangla pushes the button before Kroz can reach it. Da Looted Krooza forces itself into the warp.
"Ya GIT! KROOZA WUZN'T READY YET! I DIDN'T SEZ DA FUN FINGS!" yells Kroz.
The trip is estimated at four days. Yet, it seems longer. Time just seems so...slow. Wazgor has been following Grakgut around for what seems like weeks.'Eadmangla decides to take this time to train his grot Dak in the Art of the Kommando. This training seemingly goes on for weeks. Everyone's nearly at their wits end from all this waiting around.
"Ya may be ready, but ya 'ave ta make a disguise tah go with me," says 'Eadmangla. "Right boss!" yells Dak as he runs off.
"DATS IT. IZ JUS GUNNA KICK YOUZE TILL IT WERKS!" yells Kroz as he walks to the Warp drive and starts kicking it.
'Eadmangla then decides to find Grakgut, and get some surgery done to make Dak sneakier. Heading around the hallways, 'Eadmangla sees Grakgut still sleepwalking. Wazgor is following. He looks haggard. "'EADMANGLA!" cries Wazgor. "Wut?" replies 'Eadmangla. "I'Z BEEN FOLLOWIN' 'IM FOR..." Wazgor takes a moment to count his fingers, "DIS MANY DAYS! 'E HASN'T SAID A WORD!" "Dat's eerie..." mutters 'Eadmangla.
'Eadmangla finds a nearby squig blanket, and tries to put out Grakgut. He luckily succeeds, and Grakgut collapses for a few minutes. Grakgut finally wakes up. "owi, you'z been sleepin' too much!" says 'Eadmangla. "Oi feel....gud." exclaims Grakgut, "Loik a milleeeon teef!" Grakgut jumps to his feet. "Oi dreamt uv... sumting. Kan't remembah, but oi need ta git sum surjery dun!" he yells as he makes his way to the Painbay.
Entering the painbay, Grakgut and 'Eadmangla see Grakkar running in circles. "IT'Z TAKIN' SO LONG!" he yells. Uzgob is there too, fiddling with some gubbinz. "Wutz takin' so long?" asks Grakgut. "We'ze been travellin' foreva!" says Uzgob, "It'z borin'." "owi, quick!, wot could ya do ta make sumfing see betta?" asks 'Eadmangla. "Dependz" says Grakgut. "Like, make a grot...less grot, more boy?" asks 'Eadmangla, "but still good at grotfings, like hidan, or seein?" "Oi kuld try dat..." thinks Grakgut, "Git me dis grot, gotta prep 'im fer surjery. Den git me sum uv dis sneaky stuff. DEN foind me a sneaky gitz body ta yoose." Grakgut's grot manservant Grakkagrak eventually brings in Dak, and a very squishy squig. "Soz da proseeeja iz eazy. Put on deze squishy bitz, give 'im bettah kneez ta curl inta a ball wit, den put on dat sneaky stuff!" exclaims Grakgut, "Wanna watch me surjery? Youze kan be me nerse!" "Okay..." says 'Eadmangla worryingly. "Now 'erez wut yoo do: Anyfing oi ask," says Grakgut as he pulls on his squigskin gloves, "TOIME FER SURJERY!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DH8zmC-GeRc
Grakgut begins the procedure by knocking out the grot. While unconscious, he begins flaying the grot of unneeded skin. A little bit of super glue and a couple rivets later, the new Cameleoline Skin is integrated into Dak's body. Grakgut then proceeds to lop off Dak's legs and replace them with double-jointed squig-bitz. After an agonizing half hour of surgery, Dak wakes up. His legs are quite squishy.
"Boss? I..." he unconsciously pops into morph ball mode. "Bettah lern kontrol fer dat!" says Grakgut. Dak practices Morph-balling for a bit. Wurrza looks at the spectacle. "That jus' ain't right..." he mutters as he begins to telekinetically dribble the morph ball, the grot screaming the entire way through.
"Now. Go an' 'ide. Oi wanna make shure yer skin iz gud enuff." says Grakgut. Though Dak fails stealth, Grakgut fails awareness harder, and thus is pleased at his medical miracle.
"Now. Oi want yoo ta practice wit Pliskin fer a bit, lern frum 'im!" Says Grakgut as he reaches in his pocket, "Oh! An' afore Oi ferget. Give dis ta Eaddy wen 'e wakez up." He hands him a bill for 30 teef. "Soience ain't cheap!" he yells as Dak rolls off.
Kroz, meanwhile is going batfuck insane. The Warp core is currently set to MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE, but they still seem so slow. "WOT. DAT CAN'T BE PROPA. 'OW LONG WE BEEN IN'ERE?" cries Kroz.
After what seems like a horrifically agonizing four entire months in the warp, the ship finally shudders as the Kill Team arrives in wild space, outside the orbit of Scholar's Rest. There is a huge fleet coalescing among the blackness. The voxes pick up a signal. "Space Marines!" says a voice, "Truly the emperor smiles upon us this day!"
"Dat wuz... Pointy, Krooza. Real Pointy'eaded of youze. I wuz finkin we'ad such a gud friendship..." sighs Kroz. "Dis iz Deffwotch reportin' in. Point us towards da xenos dat need purgin'." says Wurrza to the voice. "Of course, Deathwatch! Please come aboard our command cruiser." says one of the crewmen, "We can discuss the battle plan on board!"
"Iz'll Ready da Last Danca. Better make me mood betta..." says Kroz, who is quite upset. "Yoo need ta work out yer diffrensez wit da ship." says Grakgut as he begins to reminisce, "Oi remembah back in med skool, dere wuz deze two gitz. Dey wuz best matez. But den, it turnz out, wun uv dem wuz usin' de otha wun fer free bludd! Yoo wuldn't believe da krumpin' dat git got. Aftawahdz...dey wuz nevah da same again."
The kill team boards (or in Wurrza and Boldo's case, floats) into the Last Danca, and they make their way across to the command ship, an Overlord Battlecruiser with a flash-looking bridge. Landing in one of the Overlord's bays, the players begin making their way to the bridge, escorted by a guardsman. "Did we furget da ships birfday?" asks Grakgut. "It sez it wuz goin fasta, but fasta ain't muckin about," says Kroz, "So'z I dunno." "Meybe da ship THOT dat it wuz goin' fasta, but wuz aktually goin' slowa becuz weze fergot itz birfday!" says Grakgut, "Bettah trow a pahtey fer it."
The trip up to the bridge is a short jog. The players keep pace with the guardsman, and it looks like the time he jogged with an Astartes Kill Team is going to be a story to tell the grandkids. As they make enter the bridge, they notice it is surrounded by old balding dudes with cybernetics.
"Ah, Deathwatch!" says Old Balding White Dude #1, "It truly is a blessing to have you on our side." "Indeed!" says Old Balding White Dude #2, "With you on our side there is no way we will lose to the Xenos." "Weze won't know defeat. No, it'z da enemy dat'll know defeat! We'ze da DEFFWOTCH! WE'ZE DA EMPURAH'S FUREH!" yells Wurrza. "Come closer," says Old Balding Ethnic Dude #1, "We will show you our battle plan!" As the players examine the battle plan, two of the commanders goes off tangent. "We shouldn't even be here, you know," says Old Balding White Dude #1, "This is all after the team of a near-heretical Rogue Trader assassinated the Planetary Governor of Scholar's Rest." "Without him, military operations fell apart." says Old Balding White Dude #2, "We're just cleaning up the mess." "Wot 'appened to da Rogue Trada?" asks Grakgut, "woz 'umie justice fast enuff ta catch'im?" "The Rogue Trader's team proved themselves non-heretical and heroes." says Old Balding White Dude #1, "We are told the Rogue Trader died a death fitting a heretic." "Sanktioned dey may be, but if a Rogue Trada's flirtin' wit' hair-a-see, dey need ta be krumped." says Kroz. "We would like to extend the honor of you leading the charge, noble Astartes." says Old Balding Ethnic Dude #1. "DA DEFFWOTCH WULD'AVE IT NO OTHA WAY, OLD BALDIN' ETHNIC 'UMIE OF NUMERICAL CONNOTATIONS. DA EMPRUH ALWAYS SEZ: MINCE DA ONIONS BEFORE YA FRITTER!" "Wot Strength are da Eldar?" asks Wurrza. "The Eldar have the space surrounding the planet completely blockaded, noble Librarian, though we do have some forces currently on ground." says Old Balding White Dude #2. "ONLY WAY DEY AIN'T GUNNA BE 'SPECTIN A FRONTAL IZ WIF ONE IN DA BACK." says Kroz, "BUT...IZ NOT DEM USUAL WAYZ IZ IT? WOTS DEY WANTS WITH A ROKK?" "We are told they believe this to be one of their Maiden Worlds," says Old Balding Ethnic Dude #2, "A preposterous claim in the eyes of the Emperor, of course." "WHAT WE'ZE GUNNA DO IS SHOW 'EM WE'ZE ABOVE DERE TRICKERY. WE'ZE ROKK'EM HEAD ON THROUGH DA FRONT!" declares Grakgut. "We shall follow your lead then, Deathwatch." says Old Balding White Dude #1, "May the Emperor guide your blades." "TA NOT USE YER NOGGINZ IZ DENYIN DA TEACHINS OF DA EMPRUH. DA COD DEX SEZ: MEASURE TWICE, CUT ONCE." says Kroz. "We'ze honored, elderly 'umies of deficient 'air." says Wurrza.
The players then head to the Enginarium of the Overlord. "OY, COGBOY!" yells Grakgut, "WE'ZE GOT A PROBLEM WIF OUR SHIP!" "Yes, Astartes?" asks the Techpriest. "Da ship iz muckin' about. Can ya give it an inspekshun?" asks Grakgut. "Of course, we shall assemble a team forthwith!" the techpriest says, as he runs off. As Grakgut turns to leave, he notices something else in one of the passageways of the Enginarium. A blue light. Heading toward it, the players see a familiar face. "Got somethin' that might interest ya, heh heh heh..." says the Merchant http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9l_XYNYczI
Grakgut and Kroz both fail to acquire Cortex Implants. 'Eadmangla, however, gets a replacement camo cloak. Wurrza acquires a team's worth of Stummers. Wazgor lucks out and grabs a good-quality Eldar Deathspinner. As their team acquisition, the players upgrade the pilot guns of the Last Danca from Big Shootas to Radcannons. The merchant walks off as everyone examines their new gear.
Heading back to the Looted Krooza, the Kill Team arrives just in time to meet the Techpriests, who are leaving. "Astartes, we believe we have isolated the cause of your machine spirit's maladies." says a techpriest. "Oy, and wozza cause?" asks Wurrza. "We note that it has been 2.2 months since last repair. Your ship feels...neglected." "When's da ship's birfday?" asks Grakgut. "I am afraid we were unable to glean that information, Astartes. It seems information regarding this ship is lost. We hope we were of assistance." The techpriest say as they leave.
"Is awight. I knowz wot da problem iz. 'n Iz gunna do sum cleanin down dere pertty soon." says Kroz. "Oy, boss!" says Uzgob as he runs up to the kill team, "Get a load a dis!" Uzgob tosses the team a massive missile. "Wutz dis? Mo' QAAMs?" asks Grakgut. "Da computah gubbinz called dis wun a LASM!" "Wuts a LASM?" asks Grakgut. "Duno! But we'ze puttin' 30 on ya bomma!" says Uzgob.
>LASM: LASM: Long-ranged Air-to-Surface Missile. This missile cannot target air targets, but rerolls misses vs ground targets. Stats are identical to Rokkitz.
Grakgut orders Uzgob to try and figure out a good present for the ship, while keeping it a secret. Clarence pulls up in his buggy, and brings the players to the bridge of the ship. Before anyone can press the button, however, the entire ship groans and heaves, as it engages its warp engine for a short hop, aimed directly at Scholar's Rest. "wut..."WUTZ 'APPENIN'?!" exclaims Grakgut. "Zog it, who touched da button?" demands Kroz. "DIS BE A ORKY SHIP, IT IZ!" says Grakgut.
The jump lasts less than a second, but the ship is kindling with fury. Exiting above the orbit of Scholar's rest. Da Looted Krooza is burning hotter than ever. Dozens of imperial ships appear as well. The fleets immediately start firing at each other. Wazgor hugs a pillar of the ship, as the Krooza accelerates toward the battle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpKjSezYQgQ
Three Eldar ships - a Nova Dragon, a Star Dragon, and a Wraithship begin firing at the Krooza. They take some major damage from the opening salvo, but are now in the perfect position to counterattack. The Eldar holo-fields give massive defensive bonuses when at long range, so the Kill Team fixes this in the most ideal way possible - ramming speed. Ramming the Star Dragon and its lance batteries, the kill team unloads point-blank into the Eldar ship, which detonates it in a large fireball.
"Zog it, I wanted ta loot dat!" says Kroz.
Turning the attention to the Nova Dragon, the players once again connect with a ram and then unload into it. This time, the players' lances rake along the side and tear it apart. "WOT DA ZOG! I WANT LOOT!" yells Wazgor.
Their last chance being the Wraithship, they open up with a ram and then commence boarding actions. However, most of them are rebuffed by Aspect Warrior teams. The second pass, Kroz is near fixated on the loot now.
"NOW WOTCH DIS! DIS IS 'OW YA LOOT DA PANZEES!" yells Kroz.
Kroz rams once again...on full power total destruction. Kroz rams the Wraithship so hard he bisects it. 'Eadmangla does a quick hit and run on the exploding ship, grabbing as much loot as he can carry. He grabs about five shuriken catapults, four shuriken pistols, a lasblaster, and a bunch of Eldar pointy helmets before making it back to the Krooza. The Wraithship pieces explode on both sides of the Krooza.
"I SAID, DON'T SLOG THE ZOGGIN' SHIP" cries Wazgor, enraged. "WOT? WEEZE GOTS TA LOOT'EM, AND JUST RAMMED'EM A BIT'ARD." says Kroz quizzically, "DIS COMIN FROM DA GUYS DAT KEPT SHOOTIN WHEN DEY WANTED LOOTIN!" The Kill team proceeds to start beating the shit out of each other while passing blame for the destruction of all the loot.
'Eadmangla brings in all his loot, and the Kill Team then proceeds to divy it up, each taking a helmet and attaching it to their codpieces. The Kill Team suddenly notices a bunch of imperial fighters heading to the surface. The rest of da boyz are hopping in fighta bommas to join the fray. The Kill team rushes to the Last Danca and are shot out the launch bay, not wanting to be the last to the fight.
"Dakka loaded up, boss!" says Uzgob to Kroz, "Ya got 30 LASMs! Rokk dem panzies!"
The flying is flawless. The kill team breaks atmosphere over a lush jungle world. In the distance, the kill team sees a Marauder Bomber with a satellite dish on it.
"Ah, nice to work with you again, Deathwatch!" says Walrus, "I'll be providing AWACS and ESM as needed!" "'ERE WE GO! DA EMPRUH ALWAYS SEZ: WAAAAAGH!" yells Kroz as he flies toward the Eldar. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UioDpyCG8sw
There are four Darkstars on approach. The Kill Team blows two up in a devastating alpha-strike, but the other two do massive damage as well, reducing the Last Danca from 50 hull to 2 in one salvo of plasma and brightlance. The Kill Team then turn their reaper autocannon turrets and rokkitz to the last two Darkstars and blow them out of the sky.
"Fox 2, kill confirmed, nice job Deathwatch!" says Walrus, "The Webway gates are the primary targets. Watch for plasma!"
The Kill Team fly to the next combat zone, populated by three webway gates and a convoy of Eldar "armor" including Firestorms, Warp Hunters, and Scorpions. The Kill Team uses their LASMs to snipe out Eldar Firestorms. A close bombing run reduces one of the Webway portals to ashes. Without the firestorms, the Eldar are caught in a free for all fire zone and systematically exterminated by the players' Fighta Bomma. The players destroy two more webway gates before Leman Russes arrive to fight the Scorpions and Warp Hunters.
"Guns kill confirmed, nice going Deathwatch!" says Walrus, "No more firestorms detected!" "Now it'z a cleanup." says 'Eadmangla. "Indeed." says Walrus, "It was an honor to fly alongside you again, Deathwatch." Walrus pulls up his Marauder AWACS towards the Imperial fleet. Upon landing for a moment, there really isn't that much left to loot. These tanks are crewed by guardians, and they don't really have their weapons since they have tanks. The Kill Team does manage to nick some shiny eldar tank armor as a souvenier though. Kroz brings the Last Danca back to the Looted Krooza. After a few moments, another lander crashes in the bay. Out march a line of Cardboard boxes. "Pliskin!" yells 'Eadmangla. Awright, boss!" says Pliskin, "'Eres da rundown!" The players receive +500 XP and +2 PF.
Most of the boyz are landing back in the bays as well, their ships bearing many new kill markings. Grakgut moves to find Grakkagrak and Uzgob.
"Did you an' Uzgob foind out wut da ship wantz fer itz soopa sekret birfday pahtey?" Grakgut asks. "Yeah, we sorta did, boss!" says Grakkagrak. "REPAIRS, BOSS!" yells Uzgob over the clamor, "I fink da ship needs a good repair job!" "Den get it sum repairs!" says 'Eadmangla. "We take dis ship to... sumplace ta git it noice an' proppa-like!" says Grakgut, "Now dun tell da ship about da surprize pahtey!" "Roight, boss!" says Uzgob as he wanders off into the clamor of the post-fight jubilation.
We called the session there, at 15/85 ship hull integrity and 70% crew.
CHAPTER 9
The Last Danca has just barely pulled into the launch bay. The engine creaking is drowned out by the post-fight ruckus from the rest of the krew.
"Owi....da ship aint lookin' gud..." mutters 'Eadmangla. "WE NEED TA FIX DA SHIP." declares Wazgor.
Amongst the post-fight jubilations and the live performance by Deffrokk, the voxcaster suddenly starts blasting. "Oy, boss!" yells Uzgob, "Skanna Jamma picked up sumfin'. Dis wun'z...weird." "Itz alwayz weird." sighs Grakgut, "Alwayz. Evrytoime." "Uzgob, 'ow come you ain't fixin' da Krooza?" asks Wazgor. "Uh, cuz ya didn't tell me to, boss!" says Uzgob. "Itz called eeneesheetiv! Yooze shuld fix it witout us tellin' ya!" says Grakgut, "Wutz da Skanna Jamma sayin' anywayz?" "I'll see wot I kan do wit' da krooza, but don' expect a mirakul!" says Uzgob, "I'll leave da message up for ya in da mekbay."
Kroz goes down to assist Uzgob with emergency repairs, which is quite successful, bringing them up 29 hull from 15/85. "DOZ I GOTS TA DO ALL DA FIXIN MESELF? IZ GOT BIGGA FINGS TA GUBBINZ WIT! ... OI... GUBBINZ. DAT KUD BE GUD..." says Kroz as he goes off on a tangent. 'Eadmangla heads down to the loot bayz and practices with Dak, his grot. Grakgut heads over to the Mekbay and hits the Skanna Jamma until it plays its message.
"Ah, Catalyst Station, you must be jealous now, eh?" says a pompous sounding voice, "To think that I, the governor of Orvana could acquire such a relic before you!" "Dis git's tauntin da kwizitors?" asks Grakgut, perplexed. "If you want to behold it, come to my party! We started three days ago, and we're not stopping any time soon!" says the voice. "Oy, dis git..." starts Grakgut. "Wait...da ship's berfday!" yells Wazgor. "If you want to behold it, come to my party! We started three days ago, and we're not stopping any time soon!" says the Governor's voice. "Trowin' a pahtey fer our ship an' ain't invited uz!" yells Grakgut, indignant. "'Ow dare 'e!" agrees Wazgor. "I think this proves who's the best treasure hunte-...wait, what's happening?" the governor yells. "Wut..." says Grakgut. Festivities turn to screaming...and buzzing. "Oh God Emperor they're everywhere! They're killing us! They're-blargh." "WE MISSED DA BEST PART UV DA PAHTEY!" yells Wazgor.
Grakgut runs to the voxcasters. "ALL YA GITZ GET IN LINE. SUM 'UMIEZ IZ 'AVIN A PAHTEY FER DA SHIP AN' DIDN'T INVOITE US. OR DA SHIP." He pauses a moment. "WEZE GUNNA BRING DA SHIP TO DAT PAHTEY!" "Wotz dis 'bot a pahtey?" asks Kroz, walking in. "Sum 'umies are 'avin' a pahtey fer da krooza." says Grakgut, "An' fergot ta invite us...an' da krooza." "'ow ya know it'z fer da krooza? " asks Kroz. "Duh. It's da krooza's berfday!" says Wazgor. "Dere wuz skreamin'." adds Grakgut. "Dere'z always skreamin' if dere'z a pahtey, dats nuffin' new." notes Kroz. "Yeah...but da skreamin' meanz dat it wuz a gud pahtey, an' we ain't dere." says Grakgut. "Well, if it'z a gud 'nuff pahtey, dats gud 'nuff fer me. Almos' at da bridge!" yells Kroz.
Kroz hits da big red button, and propels Da Looted Krooza through the Warp. The trip is estimated to be about 5 days. While in the painbay, Grakgut and Wazgor see something odd. A blinding flash of light, followed by... "YOU'ZE MUCKIN' ABOUT!" "I AIN'T MUCKIN' ABOUT. YOU IZ." replies Grakgut. The Ghost of Skarfang's Head materializes. "YA GIT. YOU'ZE DED." says Grakgut. "I'Z TOLD YA, I WUZ A BETTA BOSS DEN YOUZE!" retorts the Ghost of Skarfang's Head. "GO AN' STAY DED!" replies Grakgut. "NO." says the Ghost of Skarfang's Head. "SEE?" the Ghost of Skarfang's Head laughs, "KAN'T EVEN SMACK ME!" as Grakgut misses a punch. "SUM BOSS YOU'ZE IZ!" taunts the Ghost of Skarfang's Head as Wazgor misses a punch. "Grakgut, why we ain't hittin'?" asks Wazgor. "Oi dunno. Dis git'z as tricky as evah!" replies Wazgor. They both manage to land a punch and force the ghost through a bulkhead. "YOU ZOGGIN' GIIIITS!" yells the Ghost of Skarfang's Head as it flies off due to the punches.
"I ain't lettin' dis git get away!" declares Grakgut. He grabs Skarfang's (corporeal) head out of a nearby bitz box. "Oh no boss! Me, Skarfang iz a ded an' weedy git!" Grakgut pantomimes with the head like a puppet. "DATS ROIGHT! BUT YOO WON'T BE DED FER LONG!" Grakgut finds a nearby potato and connects Skarfang's head to it. He passes a -40 Medicae test (which I secretly changed to a -60 Medicae but he passed anyway with a goddamn 007). "GIIIITS! ZOGGIN'! YOU!" yells Skarfang as his warp ghost is pulled back into his head.
"HAHAHAHA!" gloats Grakgut, "NOW YOUZE AIN'T DED NO MORE! AN' YOOZE TINIAH DEN DA SMALLEST GROT!" "WELL, YOU'ZE STILL A GIT!" says Skarfang's Head. Grakgut puts the head in a terrarium. "Now yooze git ta stay aloive an' see 'ow much bettah Oi am den yooze!" "HA! NOW I KAN TAUNT YA WHENEVA I WANT!" says Skarfang's Head, "NOW GET OVA 'ERE SO I KAN TAUNT YA A SECOND TIME!"
Meanwhile, on the bridge, Kroz is visitated by Uzgob. "Ya know, boss, dere's sumfin' odd about da krooza..." says Uzgob, "Ya eva jus' walked down da krooza halls?" "eh? Dats wot clarence is for aint'it?" replies Kroz, "Sometimes I walk 'round and fink, but dats mostly in circles" "I'z jus' sayin'. Da ship's perfektly sym...simme...da same on both sides." notes Uzgob, "An' itz divided cleanly down da centa." "Dats kuz derez pieces on da left, and derez pieces on da roight. weeze gots da same gubbinz dun'we?" says Kroz. "Yeah, boss, but I fink dat ain't da whole story..." replies Uzgob "Some of da doors kan even lock down real tight, an' dey ain't even near da outside!" "DATS GUD! WHEN WEEZE GETS BOARDED, WEEZE CAN CLOSE'EM UP BEHIND'EM SO DEYZ IZ FORCED TA KEEP FOIGHTIN!" yells Kroz enthusiastically. "Dis krooza...dis krooza's waitin' fer sumfin'." Uzgob muses, "I'z not sure wot, but dere's definitely sumfin' special about it." "Like wot?" asks Kroz. "I'z...not sure, boss." says Uzgob, "but if I figure it out, I'z tell ya." Uzgob walks out while Kroz ponders this new information...maybe putting a bigger gun down the center.
Back in the Mekbay, Wazgor, Grakgut, and 'Eadmangla get to work on making party dresses to wear over armor.
"Oi, komputah! Wotz proppa 'umie wear?" asks Grakgut. The monitor is more or less a cracked screen with a grot inside. The scared grot hands Grakgut and Wazgor a picture of 'umies in dresses and suits. "An' why'z sum uv'em be wearin' diffrent tings?" asks Grakgut. "Da female 'umie dressez show lotsa gubbinz! It must make'em 'arder!" notes Wazgor. "Maybe we shuld wear both?" asks Grakgut. "YAH, WEAR BOTH! LIKE A PANSY GROT!" says Skarfang's head, "KAN'T EVEN MAKE UP YER MIND LIKE A BOSS!" "Shutup!" retorts Grakgut, "We'ze gunna wear deze...dresses!" Grakgut struggles and fails over the three days to make dresses. "HA! MUCKIN' ABOUT WIF 'UMIE RAGS!" says Skarfang's head, "KAN'T EVEN DO DAT RIGHT!" Wazgor, however, has much more luck. He successfully crafts dresses for everyone. 'Eadmangla takes things into his own hands and makes a ghillie suit for himself. "Not enuff skullz." notes Grakgut, "Add like a hundred." Kroz decides to not dress in drag like half the krew and instead wear just his armor. "YOU'ZE ALL LOOK LIKE SQUIGS!" yells Skarfang's Head.
The Krooza begins shuddering as the kill team exits the warp over the world of Orvana. It appears to be a heavily populated hive world. "... RETURNIN TA NORMAL SPESS. NOW WHOZE GUNNA TELL ME WOTS ALL DIS ABOUT A PARTY, CUZ DEM IZ LIGHTS EVERYWHERE DOWN'ERE!" yells Kroz. "Got yer party roight 'ere, boss!" says Uzgob, "da biggest spire!"
Everyone reaches the Last Danca in a timely manner. Boldo dashes in as the door closes. Grakgut arranges his hairsquigs into a beehive instead of a dreadlock pattern, while Wazgor plays around with paint squigs on his face. Boldo lands on Wazgor's face for a bit, which smears a bit of the red paint, and then flutters over onto Kroz's head. The Last Danca is shot out of the launch bay, and the Krooza starts launchin' its rokk pods. Some are even heading in the direction of the Governor spire! The air is somewhat toxic, and the clouds corrosive, but the kill team flies through and lands nicely on a governatorial landing pad. The Kill team steps off and looks around to find the pad deserted. The doors of the building are huge and carved, though the acid rain is doing slow damage to it.
"Bet dis iz a sahprize pahtey." notes Grakgut. "sah-prize?" asks Wazgor. "Loik wen a kommando jumps out an' killz a buncha gitz." replies Grakgut, "But less killin'." The kill team actually knocks on the door. There is no response, though the door slowly creaks open. Walking in, everyone fails Awareness. "'ELLO? WEZE 'ERE FER DA PAHTEY." says Grakgut. "GRAKGUT, ITS SPOSED TA BE A SA-PRIZE!" yells Wazgor. "Oh! Roight!" Grakgut remembers, "WEZE AIN' 'ERE FER NO PAHTEY."
The Kill Teams' voices echo as they head deeper in. "Everyfingz ded. Da party'z loike... ovah or somefin." says Kroz.
Continuing through the halls, the kill team sees a spiral staircase extending up on the right, and on the left, a blue light...and a very familiar figure. "Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger!" says the Merchant.
Kroz acquires some good quality Kortex Implants. Wazgor gets some Mek Speshul Powa Armor. Grakgut secures ship repairs, while 'Eadmangla nicks a best-quality Lascannon. They fail, however, to acquire a power ram.
"WAIT, YOU DON'T WANT TO STAY FUR DA PARTY?" yells Wazgor as the Merchant leaves, "I KAN MAKE YA A DRESS!" "'ez alreddy in a dress, Wazgor." notes Grakgut. "it'z not as gud as mine." mutters Wazgor.
Walking up the stairs, the kill team enters the residential quarters of the governor's mansion. Entering the quarters, Wazgor notes the large seeming ballroom. This must be where the party is. "GRAKGUT!" yells Wazgor, "I FOUN' DA PAHTEY!" Kroz notes that this must be where the party WAS. There's blood everywhere, and some fire and rubble. "WE'ZE MISSED IT..." says Kroz. And Grakgut....Grakgut notes that despite all the blood...there's no bodies.
Heading into the Governor's Hall, the kill team sees more blood, no bodies, and in the far end of the room, about 20m out, a huge stained glass window. Below this window are two things. One is the planetary governor's body. The other is a large black sarcophagus.
"Oi. dat fing. ken we putz dat on da krooza?" asks Kroz.
As the kill team approaches, the governor's body suddenly twitches.
"... Wotz dat... ah. eez still movin'!" says Kroz. "Ah! Dis git ain't ded!" yells Grakgut.
Burrowing out of the corpse is a tiny silver insectoid construct.
"Uh...dat dun look like a present..." says 'Eadmangla.
The tiny construct starts making strange staticy chittering noise. Boldo suddenly starts chirping and flying around. Grakgut and Wazgor walk over and attempt to crush the tiny construct, and while it dodges them at first it eventually falls to their boot. Then the party looks up to see they are SURROUNDED by the silver constructs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiDTKAgGxZ8
The Scarabs suddenly begin flying in a whirlwind pattern. "I see more of you have come..." echoes a voice. "Yeah, to da pahtey!" says Grakgut enthusiastically. "Dis box fer us?" asks Kroz. "You of the Enfleshed are all the same..." says the voice. "Oi fink 'e just called us 'umies." whispers 'Eadmangla. "The first Enfleshed sought to display me. He considered me nothing more than an art piece..." says the voice, "To think, he called me his Honored dead..." The cloud of scarabs begins to circle the party. "How delicious their screams were! It was so enjoyable to reduce them to their constituent elements..." the voice says, "Come, Enfleshed, and feel the fury of Khepri the Transforming Strength!" The Scarabs suddenly coalesce into a vaguely humanoid form, wielding a massive shield and a fanned sword. "You'ze do scoince? We'ze kan use a scoince box!" yells Kroz excitedly, "You'ze kan get krumped, an' we get yer box!" "Then let us commence our pleasantries!" Khepri yells.
The Necron Overlord, Khepri the Transforming Strength, was not difficult because of his weapons, no. They were only half the story. He was difficult because while he attacked as a single entity (attacks can be dodged, shielded, etc), his body was a Magnitude 30 Horde of Scarabs (and took damage like one). The players certainly had to watch out for friendly fire, and became their biggest threat to each other. After all, a Dispersion Shield tends to do that. Khepri's Void Blade was also no slouch, with its Entropic Strike ability sapping the players' armor (and dustifying their dresses, to Wazgor's horror). If cornered, Khepri would simply dissipate into scarab form and reconvene in a more favorable position, be it into melee, or meters in the air.
It takes the entire party to focus fire onto Khepri, and it is 'Eadmangla's shot that finally destroys the Overlord. Khepri screams a robotic shriek, and then explodes in a flash of light. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLYnJldPYTA
All that is left of Khepri is a few Scarabs, which the players turn into a turkeyshoot. While the remains of the scarabs phase out, Khepri's weapons clang to the ground.
"Letz git back. Deres nuffin ta fix." says Grakgut. The players grab everything shiny in the Governor's quarters, grab the weapons, toss it all into the sarcophagus, and then bolt out of the complex, hefting the Sarcophagus.
"IZ BEEN A LONG TIME, BUT FINALLY, DA PILOT CHAIR ON DA LOOTED KROOZA IZ GUNNA HAVE A GUD BAK." declares Kroz.
The trip back is relatively quick, much merriment shared from the fight, and much mourning for the lost dresses. As the kill team lands, and Boldo flies out of the Danca, Uzgob runs up. "Boss! Bridge detected sumfin'!" yells Uzgob. "Wut?" asks Grakgut. "Dunno! We din't see nuffin!" replies Uzgob.
Going through the sarcophagus, 'Eadmangla takes some little ankhs of Khepri's dynasty, and Kroz begins moving the Sarcophagus behind his pilot seat.
"Maybe if I crack it 'ere, so dis back part comes up, so iz like... a hammock AND a box AND a pilot seat...yeah!" says Kroz happily.
All of a sudden, the Krooza searchy gubbins start flashing. The Krooza comms pick something up.
"WOT?" yells Kroz. "Wow, Deathwatch, you can be really hard to find sometimes!" says a voice the kill team recognizes, "luckily I know just where to look!"
Outside the windows of the bridge, the kill team sees the gilded form of Studio 69 uncloak and hold position directly in front of Da Looted Krooza.
We called the session there.
CHAPTER 10 The players have arrived on their Krooza, to find it being repaired by a number of happy looking people singing a strange song. These repair servitors all look like Gary Coleman and have the same dead look in their eyes as they sing their happy song.
"Dis iz kreepin' me out..." mutters Grakgut.
Out of the krooza bridge windows can be seen Studio 69, Flagship of the Korst'la lineage, its kilometers of neon lights highlighting the blue-black color scheme. "Tell ya what!" says Korst'la over the vox, "Why don't you come aboard and we can talk business?" "Bettah den bein' 'ere!" yells Grakgut, "Let'z go!" "Excellent!" says Korst'la, "I can assure you it'll be worth your while..." as the voxcaster cuts out.
"Deze gitz ain't roight..." stumbles Wazgor, "dey...kan't get in'ere, kan dey?" as he looks out the window straight at a Gary Coleman. "But dey'z so...weedy!" cackles Wurrza.
Arriving at the Launch Bay, the kill team sees the Last Danca being refueled. "Oy, Clarence?" asks Wazgor. "Yes, boss?" replies Clarence. "Whyz da 'umiez cleenin da ship so weird?" asks Wazgor. "Boss, I...don't know." mutters Clarence, "Perhaps it's best to just, uh...smile and nod. They'll be gone soon." "Dey'z got brained..." whispers Grakgut, "Dun'tcha see da spark plugz in dere 'eadz?!"
Wurrza picks up some of the franken-colemans with his mind and juggles them, but joins the rest in the Last Danca. Boldo flies in and lands on Kroz's head. Boldo is silent.
The Last Danca is shot out the launch bay, into the empty void. Kroz decides to take the scenic route, as he circles the Custodian Battleship. A series of flashing lights leads the Last Danca down into a central landing center. The landing is a little rough but manageable. The Last Danca's doors fall open with a slam. Outside of the Last Danca, the kill team hears hundreds of crowds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7ArUgxtlJs
"WOTS GOIN ON?" yells Wazgor. "A pahtey?" asks Grakgut. "Lotsa brainz..." notes Wurrza.
Looking around, the kill team can see hundreds of humans, tau, some pointy eldar, even a few Space Marines, clad in the purple and gold of the Black Panthers Chapter. Studio 69 is less a battleship, and more a battleship-size nightclub.
"Astartes!" says a voice running up to the Kill Team. It appears to be a Fire Warrior, wearing colors similar to those adorning Studio 69. "Yeah?" asks Grakgut. "Astartes!" says the Fire Warrior, "Shas'o Korst'la the Third said you would be arriving soon!" "Yeah...we 'spekted dat." says Wazgor. "The Shas'o is waiting for you in the Shoal Nightclub." The Fire Warrior points, "It's down the central spine on the west wing of the ship." "We'z da emperors mailed fureh! Fureh doesn't play late..." says Wurrza, "Battle Brothas, we'ze gotta shatta dat spine, so'z we kan get ta da klub ahead!" "Letz go den, dis pahtey looks roight krumpin'" says Grakgut.
Walking through Studio 69 is certainly a strange experience. Between some kroot serving drinks to the tau and humans, and the spess mehreens and bladed Eldar in the gambling dens, the lights are bright and the sounds cacophonous. Arriving at a large neon sign displaying "THE SHOAL NIGHTCLUB", the bouncer waves the Kill Team in. The tables are round and the lights are dim. A number of beings are dancing. "'Bout time you got here!" says a familiar voice. The players look toward the voice. "Over here!" waves Korst'la, sitting on a table above the rest. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tpxYARqwto
"Nice to see you all could make it." says Korst'la, "Now...I've got some business that might interest you..." "You'ze a zeeno, but if da kwizitor says you'ze okay, den you'ze okay." says Grakgut. "This ship has been in my family for generations." says Korst'la, "Those guys at Catalyst tolerate me because I keep them supplied with information. In return, they allow me to continue making money. A cushy deal if I ever did say." Korst'la reaches into his purple fuzzy coat. "As for information, I know you Deathwatch types like to fight the Xeno and whatnot, so I've got a rather fascinating bit of information that came to my attention." "We'ze all lissenin'." says Wurrza. "An interestin' buncha events..." says Wazgor. At this point, the really spiky looking Eldar, slightly older, sits down. "Bartender, the usual." He looks at the Kill Team. "So, Korst'la, why are you associating with..." the Eldar starts. The Kill Team collectively holds their breaths. "Deathwatch Marines? Relax, Gramps, I think they can help with that problem on Kar'tyr." interrupts Korst'la. The old Eldar facepalms. "You are an idiot."
"Dere sumfin' wrong?" asks Wazgor. "Sorry about the Archon, Deathwatch," says Korst'la, "Khodexus has been overworked recently. And Jamal only just fixed the Webway in the back room. Now, on to business..." Korst'la lays out the paper. "This world of Kar'tyr, it's a Tau world on the edge of the Sector. And they're planning a push into your space." "You'ze sellin' out yer own gitz?" says Grakgut incredulously. "When it's good for business." shrugs Korst'la, "Besides, they have something that belongs to me. An old family heirloom." "You want us ta get dis hairloom?" asks Grakgut. "Of course not! What kind of thief you think I am?" says Korst'la, "Here's the deal. You Deathwatch types rush in, wipe out their command, and I'll give you first pick of the loot, barring my family heirloom. I'll be stealing that back myself." "Dat sounds like a gud idea!" says 'Eadmangla. "Then we have a deal?" asks Korst'la. "We'ze gonna krump'em!" yells Wazgor.
"Excellent! Just-" Korst'la starts before he is interrupted. "We have a group here calling themselves DeathRock, more of those...oh." sighs Khodexus as he turns to look at the Kill Team. "Doze are our...uh...Chapta Kwior!" says Grakgut. "Ah! Then by all means, give them the all clear!" says Korst'la. The Kill Team gets up. "One more thing..." says Korst'la, "the commanders, I'm told they are masters of the most recent innovations of the Tau. Might want to watch out. I'll send you the relevant data on Kar'tyr immediately." Korst'la thinks a moment. "They call themselves the Dead Cell, and they're supposedly undefeated. It will be interesting..." "We'ze met undefeated gitz before. Dey ain't undefeated afta we left!" brags Grakgut. Korst'la gets up. "Oh, and enjoy yourselves, Deathwatch. I'm afraid I don't have much experience in dealing with your types, I'm more used to the Black Panthers. Be sure to buy some souveniers."
Korst'la and his crew leave as the Kill Team starts heads out of the Shoal Nightclub, looking for souvenirs. Deep in one of the darkened hallways the Kill Team suddenly see a blue light, and the one that accompanies it. "Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..."
'Eadmangla starts off with a Suspensor for his Lascannon. Grakgut manages to acquire some good Cortex Implants, which he promptly and messily installs, spraying blood everywhere. Wazgor gets a nuclear power supply for his armor, which fits nicely into the power slot. Wurrza FINALLY acquires his Weirdboy Tower, which everyone calls the Wizard's Tower. Kroz tries for and gets a Power Breacher Drill. In tandem with his Dispersion shield it makes for a nasty combo. Together, the team also manages to get an Armored Prow for their Looted Krooza, complete with angry face on it.
The trip back to the Last Danca is noisy and flashy as always. Embarking onto the Looted Krooza and reaching the bridge, the Kill Team sees Studio 69 about face and enter hyperdrive. Not to be outdone, Kroz mashes the big red button and da Looted Krooza forces itself into the Warp.
Second day of the expected four day trip, a Warp Storm begins to coalesce off the bow of the Krooza. Kroz naturally forces the Krooza directly at it. After suffering some minor damage entering the storm, they begin to see the eye of the storm itself.
"dats roight. Right through da fun stuff. None o'dat muckin 'bout dis time!" yells Kroz as the second half of the plan comes into play. The Krooza opens fire in all directions within the Warp Storm as the now angry-faced krooza slams through the eye and out the other side. In celebration, the entire kill team decides to run down to the painbay and moon Skarfang's Head.
"CHECK A PROPPA BOSS!" yells Grakgut. "ALL OI SEE IZ A GROT WIF A SQUIG PROBLEM!" says Skarfang.
The kill team then puts a muffle on Skarfang's Head and proceed to play Skarfangball. After about two days of Skarfangball, da Looted Krooza shudders as the Kill Team leaves the Warp. On the bridge, Kroz suddenly sees Studio 69 exit hyperdrive and then engage cloaking. "All right, Deathwatch, good luck down there!" says Korst'la, as his battleship cloaks.
"Roit...so wot's da plan fer goin' xeno-fishin'?" asks Wurrza. "Yer call, boss." Says a nearby cardboard box, "Dey'z all focused near dis big fortress fing." "Any ways ta smoke 'em out?" asks Wurrza. "Dunno. Letz foind out." says Grakgut. "Welp, if ya sneak in, mebbe ya can catch'em wif dere pantz down!" says the box. "Awroight, 'ere we go!" yells Kroz as he rushes to the Last Danca and starts it up. 'Eadmangla, Grakgut, and Wazgor pile into the Danca. Wurrza hops in a Rokk Pod. Both are shot into the void at the industrialized Tau World. Boldo is fluttering around the Dancer. Wurrza can feel the heat of entry.
The Last Danca lands outside a large Tau Fortress. Wurrza's Rokk Pod impacts a little ways outside a the fortress. The fortress walls are about a half kilometer forward. The kill team reuinites and charges forward. While most of the kill team sees a large gate, 'Eadmangla can see a small side grate in part of the wall. 'Eadmangla hops into the grate, and catches note of a tower nearly a kilometer away. Inside he can see three Tau. One is very jovial fat male. The other two appear to be female, one blonde, one brunette. The brunette is laughing with the fat one. The blonde is silent. 'Eadmangla attempts a shot with his lascannon at the fat tau, and misses horribly. The blonde suddenly turns to the fatman and says something. Through his sight, 'Eadmangla can almost see the blonde one seemingly turn to him. Almost as if she saw him. As the lascannon hits the tower, the fat one ducks, and the three tau make their way out the tower.
"OI" yells Wazgor. "Wut?" asks 'Eadmangla. "Ya shoot loike an ork!" laughs Wazgor.
Grakgut takes this opportunity to rip the gate down, catching a small squad of five fire warriors by surprise. Thanks to the surprise round, the kill team makes short work of the Tau. While 'Eadmangla is in the gate, Boldo is chittering around him. 'Eadmangla is caught up in the firefight outside, he isn't paying attention to what is going on around him. As something solid whizzes by 'Eadmangla's face by mere centimeters, Boldo suddenly shrieks and charges behind 'Eadmangla...and starts draining the face of a pathfinder who tried to sneak up on the kill team. The tau are wiped in short order, and as alarms begin blaring, the kill team continues on, as 'Eadmangla takes the pathfinder's gun, a Rail Rifle.
The path through the fortress is a long hallway. After a bit it leads to a set of...stairs.
"STAIRZ! DAH ASTARTITZ TROO WEAKNESS!" says Grakgut before laughing, "Gud fing weze orkz, huh?"
The kill team continues through, searching for the armory which is supposedly, according to Korst'la's data, in the central Command Tower on the roof. Reaching the top of the stairs, the kill team comes to a large open docking bay. There are boxes of weaponry all over.
"ITS ORKMAS COME EARLY!" yells Wurrza. "LOOT. EVRYFING!" exclaims Grakgut.
The Kill Team suddenly hears a strange humming. "...I hear you, Deathwatch." says the voxes arrayed around the open docking bay, "You're right on time! "It's good that you're punctual." "Ooz sayin' dis?" demands Grakgut. Down from the Commander Tower jumps down an XV-9 Hazard-class Battlesuit, in the Morpheus loadout. "It's time to start the party..." says the XV-9, piloted by the fat Tau from earlier. "YOU'ZE!" yells 'Eadmangla, "I missed youze earlier!" "LAUGH AND GROW FAT!" says Fat Tau as the battlesuit cockpit closes. "I AINT GUNA DIS TIME!" states 'Eadmangla. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuFoUof1bFs
Fat Tau is laying down the fire on the players, his Pulse Submunition bombs forcing the players out of cover, and his XV-9 speed allowing him to play keepaway is giving the players some trouble. But they aren't worried. Until...
"Oh Fat Tau, you didn't think to start without us, did you?" says a female voice. "Vamp! Fortune! So nice of you to make it!" says Fat Tau.
Two more XV-9s land on the docking pad.
>I had to keep up the joke.
Fortune's XV-9 was set up in the Dead Cell loadout, her Phasers laying down incredible amounts of supressive fire. Vamp's XV-9 was in the Liquid Sun loadout, her Fusion Cascades able to bring even the heaviest armor down.
While Fat Tau disrupted the Kill Team's formations, and Fortune pinned them down, Vamp did massive damage, hitting Grakgut through his Mega Armor, and even bringing Wazgor down to criticals from one salvo. The best part was when Wurrza started pushing. As everyone's guns jammed, there was fear that he had handed the fight to the Tau. However, through quick reloading and the fixin' actions of the team's Mekboss, the Tau Commanders are brought down in a series of fiery explosions.
"OI! ITS DEATHSKULLZ SPESHULTY TIME. GRAB YER BAGZ!" yells Kroz elatedly as the Kill Team begins grabbing boxes. "Grakgut, me arm feels weird." says Wazgor. Grakgut does medicae, and determines it's a pulled muscle. It will be fine with a day's rest or so. "Can ya make a betta arm?" asks Wazgor. "Oi dunno if oi kuld make a bettah arm. Meybe Oi kuld sticka gun dere?" posits Grakgut.
The kill team suddenly sees another XV-9 battlesuit jump over, this one a familiar Commander-class with a cape. "You'ze 'ere! But you'ze late!" says 'Eadmangla. "Late?" says Korst'la, "I arrived exactly when I meant to." Korst'la pops the hatch of his battlesuit, "I found what I was looking for. "So 'ow we get dere suits fer next time?" asks Kroz. "Unfortunately, non-tau cannot use battlesuits. Something about the interface fries non-tau minds." Korst'la says as he looks around."But I am a Tau of my word, and the loot is yours. Surprising that Space Marines care about loot, but then again I know the Black Panthers..." "So, Wot woz youze lookin fer?" asks Kroz. "Take a look." Korst'la pulls out an ornate looking walking cane. "... snazzy. wots it do?" says Kroz. "Belonged to my Grandfather." Korst'la then draws it lightning fast, faster than anything the kill team has ever seen, and fires it. It appears to be a Pulse Rifle Cane. "... DATS FLASH." says Kroz, nodding in approval, "IF YOUZE WANNA MAKE IT BIGGA, IZ KEN 'ELP." "I think I'll be good, Space Marine." says Korst'la, "If it worked for my grandfather, it works for me." Korst'la hops back in his suit. "Maybe another day, Deathwatch." He flies off.
Kroz heads back and brings the Last Danca up to the docking bay. The players move all the boxes onto the Last Danca, and fly off. The trip back takes long due to the Danca stuffed to capacity.
"An' dun ferget! Deze're offishul Astartiz-pattern...uh...MICROPLASMA AUTOGUNZ, YA GITZ!" says Kroz as they begin unloading the Last Danca. The players then notice a cardboard box begin to move. Pliskin reveals himself, and helps the players tally up the loot.
We called the session here.
CHAPTER 11
The Kill Team has begun unpacking the Last Danca of the loot, while holding orbit above Kar'tyr. Studio 69 has just engaged hyperdrive and left the area. The boyz are moving the loot, mostly various types of Tau personal weaponry, to the loot holdz and armories.
"An' DON'T DROP'EM!" yells 'Eadmangla as he supervises the transfer. Wurrza has some sent to his Wizard's Tower, where he picks through the weaponry while adjusting his lucky burna. Grakgut is looking at his one power klaw, and deciding he needs another.
"Dats a lot'a pulse. Gots ta start makin dat Sank Shunz." says Kroz, as he begins disassembling and kustomizin' some of the weaponry.
After a few hours of moving piles of dakka, suddenly the alarm starts blaring. "WOT. I AIN'T DUN YET" yells Kroz, annoyed. "WOTZ A NOB GOTTA DO TO GET SOME SHUT-EYE ROUND DESE PARTS?" asks Wurrza. "Woops... sorry, boss. Crossed sum wires. Dat's just da Skanna Jamma." says Uzgob. "Stop 'oldin' it loik a stuck squig!" says Grakgut. "It's picked up sumfin' again," shrugs Uzgob, "Message'z in da Mekbay when yer ready, boss." "Jus' read it ta me 'ere. Da uh... mek-bridge iz lotsa dakka roight now." says Kroz. "Yer kall, boss." says Uzgob over the vox, as he smashes a button.
The Main Screen turns on, and the Kill Team is greeted with fire an brimstone so thick one can easily smell it. "This is Ecclesiarchal World Isot!" says an old priest, "This is a distress beacon on all channels!" "Wot's 'appenin'?" asks Wurrza to the rest of the Kill Team. "The Forces of Chaos are attacking our world!" the recording says. "Spiky gitz!" yells Grakgut enthusiastically. "We are holding them back, but by the Emperor there seems to be more by the moment!" the priest says, "Our fire and faith protects us, and we shall protect our relics and treasures with our dying brea-" the signal cuts out. "Yeah, dats 'airasee all roight, but wots dey got fer lootin' again?" asks Kroz. "Uh...spiky bitz?" posits Grakgut. "An' reliks." adds Wurrza, "If dey get'em first, dey make'em extra-'eretikal." "Dat gud or bad?" asks Kroz. "Dunno." says Grakgut, "but let'z grab'em first!" "Awight. Gud 'nuff. DA LOOTED KROOZA TA ALL KREW, INITIATIN NOT-MATERIUMZ!"
As Kroz runs to the big red GO button, he does a running leap over the half- finished sarcophagus chair, and punches the button. The Looted Krooza shakes as it enters the warp. "YOUZE SADDENED ME DREAMS, UNKOOPRATIVE CHAIR! IZ'LL GET BACK TO YOUZE SOON 'NUFF" sighs Kroz.
It's a five day trip. The first two days go by relatively uneventfully. Kroz uses this time to kustomize the team's weapons with upgrades. On the third night, nobody seems to sleep well.
Everyone has strange dreams. On one side, the Kill Team sees a man in a black suit and white vest, standing next to a serpentine figure with a long tail and multiple arms. On the other, they see a very fat smiling man. He appears to be wrapped in simple cloth. He is alone. Beyond the Kill Team sees an endless purple expanse, with warp storms and rocks floating in the distance.
"Wait. Wots dis place?" asks Kroz, "... one of youze iz gunna give us loot roight? "In time." says the fat smiling man, as the Kill Team members are overtaken in a flash of light, and wake up.
"...wot da zog wuz dat?" asks Kroz.
In the Painbay, Grakgut and Wazgor are awakened to a voice. "OY! LISSEN!" Over and over. "OY! LISSEN!" This continues through the night. "OY! LISSEN!" "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" yells Grakgut, "SHUT UP!" "NO." Says Skarfang's Head, "NOW...OY, LISSEN." "DATS IT." declares Grakgut. "GRAKGUT." yells Wazgor. "WUT?!" "WUT'RE YA DOIN'?" "KICKIN' SKARFANG OUT." "IN DA WAAAAGGGHHH?" "'KOURSE INTA DA WAAAAGH!"
Grakgut walks to the door to the Warp outside, opens it, and goes to punt Skarfang's head out. As Grakgut goes to close the door, he and Wazgor suddenly see a massive claw block the door.
"NO SOLEECEETOORZ!" yells Grakgut. Grakgut and Wazgor are greeted with the face of a Great Unclean One and its rot. The Warp Intrusion alarms begin blaring.
Grakgut and Wazgor are now in combat with the great unclean one. Wazgor makes his fear test spectacularly, while Grakgut does not. Grakgut is badly taken aback, and is at a slight penalty in combat. Wazgor opens up with some Deathspinner shots, while Grakgut attempts to tank the GUO. Unfortunately, the GUO has psychic powers. Wazgor leaves to get more boyz for the fight, while Kroz is watching from the bridge.
"oi, oi, ME SHIP! YA GITZ!" cries Kroz. He decides to take drastic measures. Remembering what Uzgob said about doors sealing, Kroz begins smashes buttons. The Krooza cogitators thunder in. "FRACTAL MODULE SYSTEM ONLINE." "ATTENSHUN ALL KREW. ALL BOYZ IN SECTION FFFFUU, PREPARE FER 'MERGENZY PLAZMA DRIVER. IT'Z GUNNA GIT HOT IN DERE." yells Kroz as he hits another button, and activates the Beast Solution. >You know, Homeworld Cataclysm Grakgut and the GUO are bathed in raw plasma. The GUO is incinerated, as is Grakgut who burns fate to live. As the door seals itself, the last thing Grakgut feels is something land on his chest. "HURR HURR HURR, WOT A DUMB GIT!" says Skarfang's Head, as it bounces into the vents.
Wazgor brings Kroz back to the medbay, and in a miracle of untrained medicine, the Kill Team brings Grakgut back to consciousness. Grakgut is not fully untouched. The plasma venting from the Beast Solution reduced Grakgut's Toughness permanently by 5, but he is otherwise nonplussed.
"DON'T DO DAT AGAIN." yells Wazgor. "Foine," sighs Grakgut "But next toime Oi see Skarfang...Imma eat 'im."
Grakgut patches Wazgor up, and attempts to patch himself up, only to realize he never took the rank 2 Hardy advance, and counts as heavily wounded, regaining only 5 wounds the last two days of travel.
After the fifth day, da Looted Krooza finally is ejected out of the warp over Isot. Isot is a hot blistering hellhole, and even from orbit the Kill Team can see duststorms and heat cyclones.
"By the Emperor, they've sent Astartes!" yells a voice over the Voxcaster, "Please, come to the Ministorum Chapellum Primaris...um as soon as you can! We are holding our last!" "weeze'll get dere soon az da rokk-podz iz down. Rubbykonzez Out." says Kroz. "Bettah git goin'!" says Grakgut eagerly.
As everyone hops into the Last Danca,, Boldo included, Kroz takes off. The windstorms buffet the Danca heavily, but Kroz keeps it MOSTLY steady. Kroz lands the Last Danca about half a Kilometer away. The Kill Team can see the Ministorum Chapellum Primarisum in the distance.
"Whyz all deze placez got 'um' at da end uv dere namez?" asks Grakgut.
It's a short walk over to the Chapellum. Reaching the gates, they appear to be locked. The Kill Team suddenly hears the sound of a number of bolters readied as a number of Sisters of Battle pop the battlements. "Space marines!" one yells. The kill team sees a bald black priest run up. "Man, thank the God Emperor you arrived!" says the priest, "I'm Dave. Follow me! I can bring you to the Chapellum! If you need reloads, I can take you to the Armory!" "Gud! Dem bloo lightz iz lucky." says Kroz. "Oy, Dave!" says Grakgut. "Yes, Astartes?" asks Dave. "Why'z all deze 'um-all da buildin's end up wif um at da end?" asks Grakgut. "Basic Gothic grammatical suffix." says Dave. "Wot..." says Wazgor. "It shows up in mostly High Gothic. The faithful don't really need to know much about that though. They only need the God Emperor, you know?" says Dave.
All of a sudden, the Kill Team hears a shriek echo through the place. "ORKS!" "Where?" yells Grakgut. "Wot'z da distress?" asks Wurrza. Three sisters are holding one sister, who is looking absolutely infuriated. "Please, excuse our sister, Noble Astartes. She must be hallucinating!" the sisters say as they drag the angry one away. "It'z probably da stress o' battul." notes Grakgut. "I believe so too, Astartes." says Dave. "We'ze also...uh...been krumpin' lotsa orkz. She musta seen ork gubbinz or sumfin." adds Wazgor.
Dave takes the Kill Team into the Chapellum. The chapellum has a spire that extends high in the sky. A number of sisters and priests are standing around a hololith display. "We have limited arms, Astartes, but our armory lies that way if you need to reload. But please come back to us when you're ready!" says Dave, "We must discuss our fight!" "Only an inspekshun," says Kroz, "If fings get proppa, we'ze bring in mo' boyz in da podz."
The Kill Team heads to the armory. Dave was right. There really isn't anything left. The Kill Team pockets what little ammo and fuel is left. However, in the corner, they notice a blue light. "Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger!" says the Merchant.
Kroz manages to pick up a Weapon MIU. Grakgut gets a second Best-Quality Klaw. 'Eadmangla manages to snag a best-quality Krootbow. Wazgor gets himself a Best- Quality Pulse Carbine, and Wurrza gets himself a supply of Nephium fuel. Together, the players acquire a team's worth of Arm Weapon Mountings for their many new bits of dakka.
"Deeze fingz iz gunna need sum modificashunz, but erey'one iz gunna have a lotz'o dakka!" exclaims Kroz happily.
The armory lies empty and dark. The bolter racks are empty, and the flame ammo holder things lie hollow. Most of the stuff here has gone to the battle.
"Weze bettah git stuck in soon." says Grakgut.
Heading out, Dave and the other priests are standing over the Hololith Displays.
"Astartes, as you know we have been fighting off these heretics for as long as we can." says Dave, "We'll never let them get to the Reliquarium." "Where are dey?" asks Grakgut, "We'll smite'em wif our smitey bitz." "DATS ROIGHT. WEEZE IZ BRINGING IN SUM OF DEM ARKY TEKZ FROM US HOMEWORLD FER YOUZE BESTS. AIN'T MUCH BUT IZ GUNNA BE GUD FOIGHTIN!" yells Kroz. "Excellent! We'll get them distributed as soon as we can!" says Dave, "The Reliquiarium is under the strictest lock and key. The Heretics keep keep coming from the east. They send their summoned daemons which throw themselves against our lines." Dave turns to the Hololith. "It's been a stalemate so far, and-" Dave is interrupted by a battle sister. "Ecclesiarch! They come again!" says the battle sister. "EXCELLENT!" yells Grakgut, "LET'EM CRASH DERE WAVES ON DA WALLS OF OUR FISTS!" "HAHA! DIS IZ GUNNA BE GUD! LOTS'A SPIKES! DA BOYZ'LL LOIKE DIS!" adds Kroz.
Rushing out to the hard darkness of the chapellum steps, the Kill Team sees a number of daemons beginning to rush the walls. As most of the Kill Team begins charging forward at where they THINK the fight is, 'Eadmangla looks through his scope and sees a familiar sight. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUjxPj3al5U
"SERVANTS OF THE FALSE EMPEROR! YOU WILL BE DEFEATED!" says Berzerker. ""I don't think they heard you, say it louder!" says Plague. "I SAID SERVANTS OF THE FALSE EMPEROR! YOU WILL BE DEFEATED!" yells Berzerker. "TRY USING THIS." says Noise, speaking through a loud hailer. "BY THE DARK GODS MY EARS!" yells Berzerker. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" says Midget. "Look! Beyond the walls!" says Sorceror, "the Deathwatch!" "You gitz again!" yells Kroz. "Could barely 'ear ya ova da stupid!" says Grakgut. "No, you're stupid!" says Noise. "No you!" says Grakgut. "You will fall to our might!" yells Sorceror, raising his new bionic arm. "Servants of Chaos! Cha-" begins Berzerker. He is suddenly cut off by claps of thunder and flashing of light. As the light dims, something else has entered the battle. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9csOHcADWQ
The Daemonic Lectors have taken the field. The Kill Team sees the Lectors attacking the sisters of battle, as expected, but the strangest thing is happening that NONE of them expected - the Lectors are also attacking the forces of Chaos.
"Wot da zog is goin on..." says Wazgor. "Oi jus' dun get it..." replies Grakgut. "By the Dark Gods!" yells Noise, "What are those things?" ""Who cares!? JUST FIGHT!" yells Berzerker. "Hurr hurr, first good idea out yer mouth!" says Grakgut. "Astartes!" yells Dave, "we have a problem!" "Wot now?" sighs Grakgut. "Teleport signals have been detected INSIDE the Reliquarium!" replies Dave. "Wot in da name o' Gork an' Mork could dis possibly..." says Wazgor, "ZOG IT ALL TO WAAAGH!" "Zog da foightin' out 'ere, ya gits...to da Reliquarium! Dat's where da *REAL* FOIGHT's GONNA BE!" says Wurrza. "The Reliquarium is simply up the stairs, Astartes! In the Central Tower!" says Dave, grabbing his ecclesiarchal beatstick, "I'm gonna motivate some faithful!" Dave rushes off towards the walls.
The Kill Team begins making their way up to the Reliquarium their own ways. Grakgut begins dual-klaw climbing, Wazgor flies up, Wurrza and 'Eadmangla begin walking up, and Kroz rushes off to get something.
The kill team hears a series of impacts, and look out the windows / behind them. The Rokk Podz from Da Looted Krooza have finally arrived, each packed to the brim with angry Orkz. The battle turns into a bona-fide free for all. Bloodletters swarm one Lector, which collapses, only for all to be drowned in plasma from a nearby Heavy Lector. A Celestian charges one Lector, until a prehensile wire grabs her leg, and drags her to another Lector waiting nearby, when both disappear in a fireball of rokkitz, grenades, shoota rounds, and bomb squigz.
Breaking into the Reliquarium, the Kill Team sees a number of Lectors flanking Richard Garo. "I've finally found exactly what I need, Deathwatch." says Garo. He is holding a strange black orb, one of the Ecclesiarchal Relics.
"OH NO YOUZE DON'T!" yells Grakgut, "OI'VE DIED WUNCE, OI KAN DIE AGAIN!" 'Eadmangla, in the meantime, sets up a quick-drawed called shot, which hits Garo. Wurrza also begins to fire his burna out. At this moment, Kroz smashes the Last Danca through the wall, Boldo at his back, all guns aimed at Garo and the Lectors.'Eadmangla's shot, however, disrupts Garo. Garo's shield kicks in (9 on a PR 30), and stumbles him backwards, causing him to click something on the relic he is holding. Everyone in the area is suddenly surrounded by purple light. After a bit, everyone comes to. Looking around, the Kill Team's not in the Reliquarium anymore... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdGlJOZxRuA
Looking around, the Kill Team appears to be on a solid rock footing. The sky is...wrong. Great pink storms circle in the sky, as well as floating rocklets all around. Some of the rocklets are impacting each other. Some of the storms, which look suspiciously like Warp Storms are combining and separating with each other at random. The place is suffused with a dim light. "So dis iz were pahple comez from!" says Grakgut. "I'z so konfused..." mutters Wazgor. "Wait...dis looks like dat dream place..." says 'Eadmangla. Kroz is disoriented. He was in the Last Danca not moments before. Now he's flat on his ass, Boldo flying around in circles and chirping. "Welcome." says a voice. Grakgut begins punching the air. "Oi kan krump anyfin'. EVEN PURPLE!" "I can't say you'll make much progress like that." says the voice. "You'ze muckin' about, den!" yells Wurrza, as he pushes a Doom Bolt in the direction of the voice...
...and rolls perils. ...and rolls perils again. ...and rolls Cataclysmic Blast.
Wurrza goes nuclear. All his gear and equipment is fried, and Wurrza is left smoking and armorless on the ground. His brain also exploded so hard he cannot use psychic powers for 4 hours.
"That sort of thing tends to happen..." says the voice, "Never think you are guaranteed success."
The kill team turns from the pile of smoking Wurrza to the voice's source - a smiling fat man in simple clothes.
"You doubtlessly have questions?" says the fat smiling man, "I would expect you to. It is not often I receive visitors, much less orks." "Welp, no point in hidin' it now..." begins Eadmangla. "Lemme aska ya wut ya probly alwayz 'ear. Wut iz dis place?" asks Grakgut. "This place?" the man looks around. "A graveyard of sorts. Where the dead but not dead go to rest, and dissipate in peace" "So we'ze ded?" asks Grakgut. "Of course not." he says, "Because you're here." "So, dis is where da humies go?"asks 'Eadmangla. "No, not quite." says the man. "So...wot youze do anyway?" asks Kroz. "Me? I simply make sure things go as wrong as possible." says the fat man, "It's my job description." The kill team stares at Wurrza, then at the fat man. "You are here because of a mistake." he says, "You were not intended to go on the ride to find my...other half." "Otha 'alf?" asks Grakgut. "Yes." says the man, "We were one once, a great betrayer, but time has softened us to two - a Doubter, and an Undoer." "Iz you Gork and Mork?" asks Wazgor. "I am not Gork, or Mork." says the fat man, "You may call me Zuvassin."
"OH! KAN YA TELL US WHERE GORK AN' MORK IZ?" asks Grakgut. "Dats a dumb kwestion." says Kroz, "Everywun knows dey'z fightin' in da warp somewhere." "And I can confidently say they are not in this area of it," says Zuvassin, "if such a concept could be possible. They are elsewhere." "Oh, iz da Emprah 'ere?" asks 'Eadmangla. "I have not seen him either." says Zuvassin. "Awright! Next stop is dis 'ELSEWHERE' place!" says Grakgut cheerfully. "Speaking of elsewhere, I find it strange. my counterpart, the one called Nehoco, seems to be growing ever more powerful." says Zuvassin, "You have no doubt seen his Lectors?" "Yeah... we'ze seen'em!" says 'Eadmangla. "Doze fings were killin' da otha daemons!" adds Wazgor. "They are daemons of Logic incarnate." says Zuvassin, "fitting for one who wishes to remove all trace of religion. The Humans' Emperor, the Gods of Chaos, even your Gork and Mork." "Wut?" says Grakgut, perplexed, "but...dats illogikal." "He grows ever more powerful. " says Zuvassin, "and I know not how." "WAIT. Youze tellin me dat dem two-leg jumpy fingz dat dun werk so gud iz supposed to be all logik?" asks Kroz. "Correct." replies Zuvassin. "DIS GIT IZ A LIVIN' LIE. YOOSE KAN'T BE A KAOS GOD UV UN-KAOS!" says Grakgut. "He manages." says Zuvassin. "So where iz 'e?" asks 'Eadmangla. "I'z gonna pants'im!" yells Grakgut. ""You are very strange orks." says Zuvassin, "if orks can be called normal. Necoho is here somewhere, but looking for him means you will never find him." "... cuz iz alwayz in da LAST place ya look, eh?" says Kroz. "Indeed, one of my finest concepts!" says Zuvassin, laughing, "He is working through a mortal agent, though. If you want to find Nehoco, look for the one called Garo." The entire Kill Team bristles. "But I believe you already knew this, no?" adds Zuvassin.
"So iz Garo 'ere?" asks Grakgut. "Garo has no doubt returned to the materium. He isn't here. He was never here. He has yet to be here." says Zuvassin, "That's simply the way things work here." "Den...Let's git outta 'ere an' find Garo!" says Grakgut. "Now, we come to one last problem." says Zuvassin. "Simply put, you can't leave here...not until I'm gone at least. So in return for this information, you must do me a favor." The kill team stares at Zuvassin. "Undo me." he says. "Quite frankly, I tire of this existence. I'll still be able to undo your plans when needed, but it will be much easier when I'm not here." "Oh! Youze want us ta krump ya! Okay!" says Grakgut enthusiastically. "Dun worry, Iz'll krump ya gud!" says Kroz. "This will be an interesting fight." says Zuvassin. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ro2Tn_vfj8M
The smiling fat man assumes a martial stance. Zuvassin, being a creature of concept, of the warp itself, is himself a warp weapon. Despite his bulk, he can still move incredibly fast. He also naturally ignores some attacks, represented as a shield with PR30, which we all called the "fat save." Zuvassin's most dangerous weapon, however, was not even a weapon. Zuvassin, being the renegade god of sabotage and undoing, had the Aura of Failure, where everyone around him would have to reroll successful attacks not generated by fate. This caused great problems for the Kill Team, where seemingly successful attacks just weren't.
Zuvassin might be a renegade god of chaos, but millenia of neglect and his own very nature leave a Chaos God only as strong as how much they are believed in. Zuvassin is almost forgotten, while through the actions of Garo Necoho grows stronger...somehow. It is this concept that allowed the Kill Team to fight on a slightly less than equal basis. Wurrza, realizing he has no weapons, armor, or psychic powers, and having important business the next day, calls it a night. Grakgut, having almost no wounds from his PREVIOUS fight, burns fate again to survive Zuvassin's lightning fast martial artistry. While 'Eadmangla unloads covering fire from the background, Wazgor rushes into melee with his looted Omnissian Axe, and Kroz readies his Power Drill and charges. Ultimately Kroz gets the final hit, drilling through Zuvassin. Boldo chirps.
"Perhaps it will be permanent this time..." says Zuvassin as he explodes. The kill team is suffused with a bright light again. After a few seconds of bright light, the kill team finds themselves ass-flat on the sands of Isot. There's dead corpses everywhere. Mostly sisters. The place is deserted.
"LOGIK ME ARSE... OI IZ DAT SUM BOLTERZ AN POWER ARMA?" says Kroz.
The Last Danca is still embedded in the Chapellum tower. The only loot left around is whatever the sisters were wearing / wielding, and even that looks picked through. Kroz begins to back the Last Danca out the Chapellum, but forgets to hit the afterburners and hits the ground with a thud. The players start loading the corpses of the sisters into the Last Danca - if anything, they can use their blood to sanctify their weapons in preparation for the next fights.
"Boss? Boss!" the voxcaster yells. "UZGOB?" asks Kroz. "Where wuz ya?" asks Uzgob, "You'ze been gone fer weeks!" "Wot 'appened?" asks 'Eadmangla. "Yeah, boss!" says Uzgob, "Ya went ta zog da gits in da towa, an' den disappeared!" "IZ YOUZE TELLIN ME DIS'ERE LOOTZ BEEN JUST LYIN'ERE FER WEEKS?" asks Kroz. "Pliskin picked through most of da 'umie bitz, left da stuff 'e didn't like." "WHERE'Z DA BOYZ?" asks Kroz. "Da boyz're all 'ere. We'ze been fightin' dem daemon fings," says Uzgob, "Wuz startin' ta get borin'." "An' where's dat priest-git wit da beatstikk?" asks Kroz. "Uh, last we saw, da git ran afta sum daemons, yellin' sumfin' 'bout couches." says Uzgob.
The Kill Team crams into the Last Danca. The trip up is solemn and quiet. Upon landing on the Looted Krooza, da boyz show up to help unload the corpses. "Awroight boss, 'eres da loadout!" says Pliskin. Between the stolen humie relics, the blood of the sisters of battle, and the identification of their enemy, the totals became 1000 xp, 5 PF. Their total profit factor is now 72. The kill team readies themselves for their next attack on Richard Garo and indirectly his master, Necoho, the Chaos God of Anti-Theism.
CHAPTER 12
Da boyz have just put the corpses of the Sisters in cold storage. Da loot's been moved to the armory. This ranges from bolters and hand flamers to the looted relics. They seem to range from bits of 'cloth and 'umie to boxes of powder. Kroz begins picking through the armory for some pistols. Wurrza heads to his wizard's tower to learn new psychic powers. 'Eadmangla starts playing with the hand flamers, and sets both the wall and himself on fire, though manages to intimidate the fire to not spread. As 'Eadmangla runs around screaming while on fire, Grakgut gets an idea.
"OI NEED FIYAH TA MAKE ME MO' KRUMPY!" yells Grakgut in sudden understanding. "WHY'Z DAT KEEP 'APPENIN WHEN I TRY TO STOP DA FIYAH?!" exclaims 'Eadmangla. "Meybe it loiks ya?" posits Grakgut. "I'z told ya 'bout dem burnaz..." says Wazgor. As half the kill team begins playing with the fire, the voxcaster goes off. "Oy, boss!" says Uzgob. "Anuvva message on da skanna jamma!" "Awright, you gits lissen to da message an' find Skarfang's 'ead. I'z got ta make fiyah!" says Grakgut, as he heads to the painbay.
'Eadmangla calls over Dak, who morphballs out a vent. "Dak, I need ya ta look fer Skarfang's 'ead in da vents!" "Right, boss!" says Dak, who morphballs back into the vents.
Heading into the painbay, Grakgut and Wazgor look across the room. Uzgob is working on the Skanna Jamma, having set aside the message, and Grakkar is lazing about tying grots together and seeing what happens. "Iz yoo muckin' about?" asks Grakgut. "'course not, boss!" says Grakkar, "eva wunda 'ow many grots you can stick togetha 'fore dey collapse?" "'hm. Gud fer soience!" says Grakgut as he lays out his newest plan. He sends Grakkar and his grot manservant Grakkagrak to collect things for him - a long- necked squig, tubes, promethium, and a pump.
Kroz reaches the bridge, weaponry in hand. The bridge is beginning to look like a second mekshop. He can see the world of Isot, its sandstorms swirling. There is also the message from the Skanna Jamma pending. Kroz plays the message as he brings down his goggles and gets to welding the guns. As Wazgor enters the bridge to get some guns worked on, Kroz begins welding the Dispersion Shield and some Hellpistols together. The message from the Skanna Jamma begins playing.
"ALL POINTS ALERT! ALL POINTS ALERT!" says a rather frantic voice. "Uh...if you'ze got pointz, it ain't much alert, cuz ya must be winnin..." mutters Kroz. "Chaos!" says the voice, "Chaos on Xaviol!" "Spiky gitz again!" says Grakgut, listening over the shipwide voxcaster, "We kan use da sista-bitz!" "They're attacking the central hub of astropathic communications!" the voice says, "and they're using Daemons we've never seen before!" "...GARO." says Kroz, incensed, "DAT GIT!" "Please, they're bombarding us, send he-" the message cuts. "OI, ALL BOYZ STOP MUCKIN ABOUT! WE'ZE GOTS SUM GAROZ TA KRUMP OUT DERE! INITIATIN WARP JUMP!" yells Kroz, slamming the go button. "WE GOTTA KRUMP DA DAEMONZ SO THEY DON'T ATTACK DA AST-ASTRO-COM-I-KA-SHEE-WHAT THE ZOG DID HE SAY?" asks Wazgor. Wurrza puts his mind to searching out the astropathic hub. His psyniscience tells him that a million voices cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.
As the message cuts, the Looted Krooza shudders as it enters the warp.
The trip is expected to take about four days. As soon as the kill team enters the Warp, things go...weird. "Oy...I fink we'ze got a problem..." says Wurrza. The walls are bleeding, the air is warping, and the grots just turned pink. "... oi, dat ain't propa." says Kroz. "PINK AIN'T ORKY." yells Grakgut, who begins a wholesale massacre of grots. The kill team sees boyz floating through the halls, slightly confused, pushing thenselves allong with shoota fire. As gravity decides to stop happening, Wazgor activates his rokkit pack. Kroz and 'Eadmangla begin pushing themselves along, while Grakgut begins flailing in the zero G. Everyone takes a bit of insanity from the Reality Erosion. "Gah!" says 'Eadmangla, "Oi liked reality..." On the second day, reality decides to come back, and business continues as usual.
In the Painbay, Grakkagrak and Grakkar come back with stuff. They have brought a tank of nephium, hoses, a pump, a long-necked squig, and a handful of wraithbone. Unfortunately, they could find only one such squig. With a hard medicae test, Grakgut successfully intergrates the wraithbone and hoses into the squig. However, setting up the flame system is a Demolitions test.
And nobody took Demolitions. So Wazgor tries anyway.
Four degrees of failure. Fate. Three degrees of failure. The squig explodes. Grakgut is on fire. Wazgor is on fire. Wazgor begins stop-drop-rolling, while Grakgut flexes the fire off. Wurrza watches in horror, then starts picking up the burned bitz.
"GAH! WAZGOR!" yells Grakgut, "YOOZE BLEW UP ME SQUIG!" "OI, I SAVED YER KRUMPIN' RUMP LAST TIME." replies Wazgor. "Welp...squig's up." says Wurrza as he begins serving the burnt bitz.
Kroz meanwhile begins working on everyone's weapons, kustomizing and "improving" to his heart's content. At the end of the fourth day, Da Looted Krooza shakes as it leaves the warp...
...over a free for all warzone. Chaos ships are duking it out with Imperium ships. Now iz da toime ta yell a lot an' shoot fings." declares Grakgut.
A trio of Hellbringers, previously bombarding the planet, turn to engage the Kill Team. "ALL BOYZ, WEAPONS 'OT, AN DUN FOCUS YER FIRE TOO MUCH; WE'ZE GOTS TA LOOTZ MORE DEN WE KRUMP!" says Kroz. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8yhkgdJ-pk
Weathering a hail of bombardment cannon fire, da Looted Krooza accelerates full speed towards the nearest Hellbringer and rams the thing. 4d10+24 ram damage goes a long way, and the Kill Team sends da boyz in for some loot. Kannon fire finishes off the first Hellbringer, as the Kill Team turns its sights to the next Hellbringer. As they fight the Hellbringers, another Warp signature is detected. Out of the Warp comes a Space Marine Vanguard Cruiser, resplendent in the Heraldry of the Black Panthers.
"Hey, someone else is out there!" says a voice over open vox channels. "I TOLD you not to stop for lunch!" "But I was hungry..." "Can it, Marine!" "Look, they're Deathwatch!" "Doesn't the combo come with cornbread? I think they forgot the cornbread." "Deathwatch, this is Vanguard Cruiser Brown Thunder! Nice to see fellow Battle Brothers purging heretics." "Uh...roight!" says Kroz.
The Brown Thunder fires torpedoes and its macrobatteries, covering the players while they continue ramming through the Hellbringers. Wurrza's Wizard Tower scores a kill, as does 'Eadmangla in the Zzapaz.
"LOOTED KROOZA TA BROWN THUNDER. SPIKY KROOZAS ZOGGED. WOT ELSE IZ GOIN ON DOWN'ERE?" says Kroz. "Nice work, Deathwatch!" says the crew of the Brown Thunder, "We're getting reports of daemons at the central astropathic relay. We're preparing for a Drop Pod assault." "Daemunz?! Betta git da...'oly...oil..." Grakgut trails off. Brown Thunder turns its prow forward, and begins dropping its pods. Meanwhile, the Kill Team runs over to the massive vat of Sororitas blood, and tosses all their weapons in. Then they remember they need them and dive in after them.
"MAKE SURE YOUZE DISGUIZES IZ REAL REAL GUD!" says Kroz. "Dey'll nevah know!" whispers Grakgut.
Boldo flutters around the vat. He chirps at it. Grakgut decides to give Boldo a rubdown with the blood. Boldo chirps a lot. He does not like blood bathtime. "Git ovah it! Itz gud fer ya!" says Grakgut. "Dun werry, Skooire Boldo! Dats gunna let youze eat da daemons!" says Kroz. Boldo chirps.
Out the windows, the Kill Team can see dozens of Black Panthers drop pods breaking atmosphere. "REAKTER, ONLINE. WEAPONS ONLINE. ENJINZ... UH..." says Kroz as he smacks the console, "DATS BETTER. QUIT MUCKIN'BOUT AN GET IN!" Boldo floats into the Last Danca, dripping blood everywhere. He lands on Kroz's head and chirps. The rest of the Kill Team follow suit. The Last Danca is shot out the launch bay. As the Kill Team flies toward the world of Xaviol, da Looted Krooza begins to drop its own rokk podz.
The Kill Team arrives on the outskirts of the central astropathic relay. The place is immense. It has to be, considering it's astropathic hub for the sector. "So wotz dis space-path fing do anywayz?" asks Kroz. "It'z like a weirdboy orchestra fer oomies." says Wurrza helpfully.
Kroz lands the Last Danca on the edge. Its doors slam open. Boldo flies out. The kill team has landed on the outskirts of the central astropathic relay. A large complex with a tower in the center lies ahead. The area is large. The Kill Team can see drop pods scattered about.
"Now where'z da foight?" asks Kroz. "Off ta waaaagh!" yells Grakgut. He begins running to the next plot point, which I had yet to type out.
There appears to be a large entryway into the complex. It has been blasted open. "Eadmangla passes scrutiny to notice both plasma scoring and explosive residue on the door. Entering the complex, the Kill Team can see dozens of dead psykers. Along with the bodies, the lights are all shot out, making it kind of hard to see. However, the Kill Team notices one hallway off to the side glows blue. Turning the hallway, they discover the latest storefront of their mysterious friend. "Got somethin' that might interest ya, heh heh heh..."
Kroz goes for a massive combined acquisition - Good quality mek special with hexagrammatic wards, power source and ballistic overcoat. He now resembles a techmarine. Grakgut gets a lifetime supply of Exterminator Cartridges, which he promptly attaches to his fists. 'Eadmangla manages to get an assault cannon, Wurrza picks up a Psychic Hood, and Wazgor discovers the joy of Filament Grenades. They also pick up the Dakka Kontrol upgrade for the Last Danca.
"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant as he walks off down a hall. Grakgut tries to follow the Merchant, but loses him as he turns a hall. "Datz it." says Grakgut, "Oim gunna stop karin' 'bout were dat git goez." "Dat git's sneaky, iz 'e not?" says 'Eadmangla.
Wurrza and 'Eadmangla suddenly hear shots fired. They sound like plasma fire and people screaming from the upper levels. "OWI PLASMA, AND PEOPLE!" yells 'Eadmangla. "The foightin's dattaway!" says Wurrza. As the rest of the Kill Team rushes up a set of stairs, 'Eadmangla finds a vent, and climbs a ladder. "Remembah: Errywun knoez dat sumwun iz gunna sneek up on dem. Soz dey PRETEND tah be surprized." says Grakgut, "So dah best fing ta do IZ RUN ROIGHT INTA DERE TRAP AND PRETEND TA BE CAUGHT!"
Running up the stairs, the kill team find the main astropathic relay. 'Eadmangla from a vent also sees the large room with lots of psychic bits. The Kill Team sees a psyker. She is running away from something.
"OY, WOT'Z DA MATTAH, PSYKIK 'UMIE TO DA EMPWAAAGHHH?" asks Wazgor. She turns to the Kill Team, surprised. "Astartes, I-" the psyker is cut off as a Lector leaps out of the darkness and crushes her, incinerating the remnants with plasma.
'Eadmangla, fastest on the draw, fires his now Sanctified pulse rifle at the Lector, downing it in one go. Wurrza tries to throw a grenade, but it flies wild. "OY, CAN'T YA BE LESS PREDIKTABUL? I COULD SEE DAT 'SHOOT DA MESSANGER IN DA BACK' BIT FROM A WARP-MILE OFF!" says Wurrza. As Wurrza and 'Eadmangla bring the Lector down, the Lector's barking calls...other things.
Four more Lectors appear from the ceiling and drop down. Out of the windows crash in two new daemon types the kill team has never seen before. Folded back like a fish, the daemons deploy their "wings" forward, opening them to reveal a number of heavy missiles. Seemingly out of nowhere, two OTHER daemons briefly manifest. These look vaguely humanoid, with long legs ending in tapered spikes, long thin claws for arms, and crystal human skulls. They cloak as the battle begins, disappearing from sight.
"So, youze moar unlogik wif dat Garo eh? If 'e wunt so pointy'eaded runny, dis wud be a happy foight..." mutters Kroz, "BUT NOW WE'ZE JUST GUNNA KRUMP YA!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GWZzlLJCpc
The Lexers actually manage to beat 'Eadmangla in initiative, and begin saturating the area with light rocket fire. The players focus fire on one of the Lexers, bringing it down. Surprisingly, it does not disappear. The reason becomes all too clear when a Logician decloaks, its crystal skull glowing, lightning coursing out of its claw onto the fallen Lexer, which gets back up. The Logicians can only be seen with a -10 Awareness by those with Preysense Goggles. 'Eadmangla gets lucky and sees one, and unloads with pulse fire, causing it to scream back into the Warp. Kroz sees another one, and destroys it. Grakgut practices his new Shoryuken maneuver, with exterminator cartidges in his fists. By now, the Lexers have switched from explosive to concussive loads and revealed 'Eadmangla's hidden position, and the Lectors, whose plasma weapons were upgraded, begin doing heavy damage to the Kill Team, not to mention Wurrza's pushing costing him another fate point to avoid being sucked into the warp and being shat out somewhere 6 weeks later. As the Logicians are finally brought down, the fallen daemons' forms are sucked back into the warp, causing Kroz to shed a single tear at the lost loot.
As the kill team is fighting off the last few Lectors and Lexers, suddenly rocket fire and a solid las-blast destroys a Lector. Looking up, the players see a pair of Space Marines in Black Panthers color, and a single human with an RPG. With their minimal help, the Daemons are sent back to the Warp.
"Take it, you daemon bastard." says the tall Black Panther as the last Lexer is destroyed. "... Zoggin' fingz always runnin' away." says Kroz. "It is good to see fellow Battle Brothers taking the fight to mankind's enemies." says one of the Black Panthers stepping forward. "We'ze fight dem gitz ANYWHERE, EV'RYWHERE AN' ANYTIME!" says Grakgut. "AND DA SAME TO YOUZE. IT IS GUD AND RIGHTEOUS TO TAKE THE FOIGHTS AWAY FROM DA WEAK, AND TA SHOULDER DEM FINGZ FER DA EMPRUH." adds Kroz. The tall Black Panther steps forward. "Uh huh. Damn fine work there." He looks around, notices the kill team, and begins laughing. The human steps forward. "Uh...those are..." the human starts. "Deathwatch." says the tall Black Panther. The entire team fails awareness, and misses the him subtly jab the human in the side. "I am proud to assist you, Deathwatch. I am Brother Captain Dynamite." says the shorter Black Panther He removes his helmet to reveal a massive afro. "This is Chapter Consultant Grenadius Skwadsworth..." says Dynamite, pointing to the human. "and this is..." starts Dynamite. "Chapter Master Blow-the-hell-out-of-your-daemonic-ass Johnson!" says the tall Black Panther. "Dats real 'eavy." says Kroz. "HA!" says Chapter Master Johnson, "This is heavier!" Johnson hefts his rocket launcher. "Now come on, drinks are on-" Chapter Master Johnson starts. Everyone is interrupted by an explosion outside.
"ZOGIT! KROZ TA KROOZA, WOT DA ZOG IZ GOIN ON OUT'ERE?" yells Kroz into the Vox. "What the-" says Grenadius. He, Dynamite, and Johnson start to rush outside. Following, the Kill Team hears a disturbing revelation. "Buncha 'umie ships, boss!" says Uzgob over the vox, "Yellin' sumfin' bout Exterminatusatin'! "DEYZ GUNNA ZOG DA PLANET!" yells Grakgut. "You gotta be kidding me!" yells Grenadius. "EXTERMINATUS, ON A CLEANZED LOCATION? WOT HERESY IS THIS?" asks Kroz.
"We have arrived, and it is now that we perform our charge. In fealty of the God-Emperor, our Undying Lord, and by the Grace of the Golden Throne, we declare Exterminatus upon the Imperial World of Xaviol. We hereby sign the death warrant of an entire world and consign a million souls to oblivion. May Imperial Justice account in all balance. The Emperor Pro-ENEMIES DETECTED!"
As the kill team looks on, the sky is filled with flame as the Inquisitorial ships come under fire, by newly arrived chaos ships, led by a Retaliator Grand Cruiser.
"Get to your ships, Deathwatch!" yells Dynamite. The Black Panthers part ways, for their own ships. The players rush to the Last Danca, and punch it into orbit. As they approach da Looted Krooza, they see a lance shot strike the Brown Thunder, and bisect it. It explodes in a plasma-fueled fireball. The space around Xaviol has turned into a mess.
"ZOGIT. DEYZ GONNA NEED A RIDE!" says Kroz. "Since da Brown Thunda blew up, doze it make Choklate Rehn?" asks Grakgut. "Zog!" yells Wazgor. Suddenly the voxcaster blares. "HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS!" A stormraven gunship crashes into the Krooza bays. A number of other stormravens and larger Thunderhawks also begin landing.
The doors of the crashed stormraven open. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBfjU3_XOaA "Deathwatch!" yells Chapter Master Johnson, "This is some grade A bull right here!"
'Eadmangla begins stuffing the grots into closets and boxes, while Wurrza begins herding the Squigs into side corridors.
"That Grand Cruiser!" yells Brother Captain Dynamite, running out the Storm Raven. "The one that shot down the Brown Thunder!" yells Grenadius, also running out, "The strange man in a suit thinks he can get the best of us!" "Garo?" asks 'Eadmangla. "I don't care WHO that son of a bitch is, I saw him leaving local space!" yells Chapter Master Johnson. "GARO? DAT GIT'S ON DERE? ALL KREW, DAKKA EVERYFING YOUZE GOTS ON GAROZ VESSEL!" yells Kroz as the Kill Team and the Black Panthers reach the bridge. "YEAH FOLLOW 'IM NOW!" says 'Eadmangla. On the bridge, the Kill Team and the Black Panthers see Garo's Retaliator begin to enter the Warp. "OH NO YA DON'T!" yells Kroz, enraged.
As the warp rift begins to close, the speed of da Big Red Button allows the Kill Team to just barely make it through Garo's Warp Rift.
The chase is on!
CHAPTER 13
...and the chase is over. Such is Warp Travel. Da Looted Krooza exits the Warp over a large gas giant. It's not familiar to the Kill Team or the Black Panthers.
"CYGROT, WHERE IZZIT?" demands Kroz. "Oi dunno if 'e kan 'ear ya in da klozzet..." says Grakgut, heading to retreive Cygrot. "Oi told youze ta get'im outta dere ta find dat Garo!" sighs Kroz.
Chapter Master Johnson lights a cigar. "Where did that bastard go?"
Kroz decides to check the searchy gubbinz. There's definitely something out there, beside the planet. Something too massive to be missed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbwjA0UWWZQ
"Boss...sumfin' big comin' inta view..." says Uzgob. "Wutzit?" asks Grakgut. "Tell me sumfin I don't know. Armin torpedoz." notes Kroz. "I'z go ready da Kannonz." says Wazgor. "...what exactly am I looking at?" asks Brother Captain Dynamite. Chapter Consultant Grenadius Skwadsworth turns to the window. "That...is another Forge." he says, as the huge silver and black ankh-shaped ship hovers in high orbit, its diameter approaching that of Jupiter, its weaponry gleaming against the blackness of spess. Chapter Master Johnson chokes on his cigar. "SAY WHAT?" he yells. "OI. DAT FING LOOKS AWFUL FAMILIAR. LIKE DA SHAPE ON ME ARKYOTEK OFFISHUL LOVIN'LY-MARS-CRAFTED SHIELD." says Kroz. "Forge?" asks Grakgut. "So this is what you fought, Chapter Master...I thought the Aeonic Forge was some sort of weapon?" asks Dynamite. "It is. If activated, that station will cause destruction on a galactic scale." says Grenadius. The Kill team goes near manic. "Dats...sum proppa dakka." says Grakgut. "Do you see that gun in front?" Grenadius points to a huge Gauss weapon, "I've seen it crack planets. "welp! Da best way ta keep fings loike dat from hair-a-see iz ta take it!" says Kroz, pooling drool from his open jaw at the sight of the Forge. "That thing..." says Grenadius, "It needs to go."
Kroz on the augurs picks up something further. "ZOGGIT, I KEN ALREADY SEE IT FROM'ERE. DAT GIANT GUN IZ DA KROOZA'S NEW CENTERLINE," says Kroz, frantically smashing buttons, "'OLD ON A SEC, GOTS ANUTHA FING OUT DERE." "Wot we gonna do wif dat fing?" asks Grakgut. "DA BIGGEST WAAAGH IN DA'OONIVERSE!" says Kroz. "Duh! Mount it on da Krooza!" says Wazgor. "We kuld take da whole Forge!" says Grakgut. "So we'ze in agreement! Dat fing can't stay'ere. Dat gun iz a threat to da 'umies until itz firmly attached to da bottom of dis krooza!"
"I have all the readouts from the LAST Forge here." says Grenadius. Comparing Kroz's searchy gubbinz readings with Grenadius's information, there's a signal coming from where the Forge's Reactor should be. A ship, Mechanicus in origin. It appears to be resting on the surface, crashed into the reactor itself.
"Zoggit boyz, I fink dis might actually BE da actual troo avatar of 'nuff dakka." says Kroz. Grakgut slaps Kroz. "AIN'T NO SUCH FING AS 'NUFF DAKKA!" "I'm gonna get my Marines ready!" says Chapter Master Johnson, lighting a new cigar, "We're gonna see what the hell is going on down there!" "Great Idea, Chapter Master!" says Dynamite. They and Grenadius rush to the launch bays.
"Fing might be too big ta loot." notes Grakgut. "YOUZE DUNNO WHO YOUZE TALKIN ABOUT, BATTOL BRUTHA. I IZ KROZ RUBYKONZES, MAGOS ORDINATUS OF DA DEFFWOTCH. AND DAT FING IZ GUNNA FIT!" declares Kroz, ""IZ SWEARZ IT ON GORK, MORK AND DA EMPRUH DEMSELF!" "Loot it! Loot all da dakka!" yells Wazgor. "Iz easy. But weeze gonna have ta loot more enjinz." says Kroz.
The Kill Team's voxcaster lights up. "Deathwatch, we're going to establish a shorehold. " says Dynamite over the vox, "But something isn't sitting right with me about that Mechanicus ship." "ASSUME IZ HOSTILE. WAIT A BIT FER US 'FORE YA TRY TA TAKE IT OVER. COULD BE MO' TINBOYZ AGAIN." says Kroz. "It doesn't make sense there'd only be one." says Dynamite, "and I can GUARANTEE it's hostile. The last Forge destroyed our Recruiting worlds, and devastated the sector nearly fifty years ago." "No wonder youze wants dat fing so much. dat's ded'ard." says Kroz. "Dat fing shuldnt be dakka! Dakka goez 'DAKKADAKKADAKKA'!" says Grakgut, "Nekron gitz fings go 'ZIPZOPZOOPITYBOP'!" "It'z jus' a big zzapa! We jus' need mo' enjinz!" replies Wazgor. "Boss, we'ze pickin' up spiky gitz near dat otha krooza..." says Uzgob. "MO' SPIKY GITZ!" yells Grakgut, who pauses for a moment, "betta yet, kall kollect." "Make'em pay DERE teef fer da kall!" adds Wazgor.
Turning their screen on, the Kill Team hears various chatter. "For Garo!" and other assorted battle cries litter the vox channels. The spiky gitz are heading inside the Mechanicus ship.
"Plisken: I dun trust dem gits. dis time, I wonts youze ta head to dat reaktor, an make sure none of'em lekterz an spiky gitz or anyone else tryin ta blow up me new gunz does bad fings ta it. use all dem snipy fings ya need, but no 'splosives!" says Kroz. "Roight, boss!" says a nearby cardboard box.
"Bah!" sighs Grakgut, "Looks loike itz time ta krump an' krump! Grakgut continues. "An' krump an' krump an' krump an'..." "AN' MUCK ABOUT!" says a voice in the vents. "OI KNOE YER DERE, SKARFANG!" yells Grakgut, "GET OUT'ERE SOZ I KAN KRUMP YA!" The vents lay silent, so Grakgut kills the vent in rage.
Hitting the Burnas, the Kill Team passes over the Mechanicus Vessel. Kroz holds position, then the kill team heads to the Last Danca. Heading into the Launch Bays, the Kill Team sees a collection of Black Panthers, each one with different guns, ranging from needle rifles to bolters to stubcannons. One lacks pants.
"Wut 'appened ta yer pants?" asks Grakgut. "Forgot to grab them when getting off the Brown Thunder." says the mehreen. "Ah." says Grakgut as Chapter Master Johnson prepares to address his men.
"Men, we followed those dumb heretics out to the middle of nowhere to keep 'em from gettin' their filthy tentacles on Xaviol. But, we stumbled onto somethin' they're so hot for, that they're scramblin' over each other to get it." says Chapter Master Johnson, "Well, I don't care if it's the God Emperor's own anti- son-of-a-bitch machine, or a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let 'em have it! What we will let 'em have is a belly full of bolt, and a pool of their own blood to drown in! Am I right, Marines?" "SIR, YES SIR!" says the Black Panthers, who begin rushing to their Thunderhawks and Stormravens.
"WE'ZE KRUMP FEAR INTA DEM DA WAY DA FEAR GOT KRUMPED OUT OF US WHEN WE BECAME MEHREENS!" declares Wazgor. "OI. JOHNSON! DIS'ERE'S A MAGOS OF DA SHIPMAKIN VARIETY UNDER ALL DAT ARMER AN ME SNAZZY COAT. YOU KILL ALL DEM FINGS TRYIN TA TAKE DA EMPRUHZ NEWEST DEFFWOTCH RELIK GIGA-ZZAPPAS, AND WEEZE'LL MAKE SURE YOUZE GETS YERSELF A NEW SHIP!" says Kroz, "SO GET DAT DUTY DUN GUD OR WEEZE'LL SEZ IN US HISTOREEZ YOU WUZN'T PROPPA BOYZ AT ALL!" "We can talk business later!" says Chapter MAster Johnson, hefting a Spanker- class Missile Launcher, "right now we're gonna kick some heretic ass!"
The Black Panthers and the Last Danca are shot out the Launch Bay. It seems that the Aeonic Forge is large enough to support its own ecosystems, as breaking the atmosphere of the Aeonic Forge, the Kill Team approaches a wide tropical valley, the crashed Mechanicus vessel resting within.
It seems the heretics left a skeleton crew outside, no more than 30-40. The Black Panthers begin jumping out of their transports, and in a hot drop assault, separate and systemmatically exterminate the heretics. "Dear Chapter Master, kickin' ass in outer space, wish you were here!" says one Black Panther over the Vox. "I heard that...jackass." says Chapter Master Johnson as his Storm Raven lands. "Deze 'umies talk too much." sighs Grakgut as the LAst Danca's bulkheads slam open, "Toime fer krumpin'!" "WELL DONE, BATTOL BRUTHAS OF DA BLAK PANTHUZ! DIS DAY, DIS GIANT ZZAPPA IZ GUNNA BE DA EMPRUHZ! SKOOIRE BOLDO, GET READY TA SUCK DEM FACE!" Boldo chirps.
"Uh, Deathwatch." says Grenadius, approaching the Last Danca, "We're going to hold the beach-head here. We don't have the manpower to search that Cruiser." "...ain't dat 'eresy?" asks Wazgor. "Naw, iz gud, " says Kroz, "We'ze 'appy ta stea...uh, fight da fights!"
The fifty-odd Black Panthers begin establishing reloading points and chokepoints. That is, until Grakgut and Wazgor order some fungus beer sent down in a rokk pod. The Black Panthers all abandon their posts and head for the grog. "Oi dun alwayz drink, but wen oi wonts ta fink 'bout Gork an Mork fer inspuhrationz, Iz take zoggin Grakka-Deffwotch Funguz Grog-fingz. Goez down smooth." says Kroz.
From this altitude, the Mechanicus ship appears to have crashed purposefully into the Forge Reactor. There are numerous scrapes in the metal that would allow access deeper. Kroz passes a simple test to realize this ship is an Ark Mechanicus, incredibly rare ships are only granted to the higher-ups of the Mechanicus.
Peering through one of the metal scrapes, the ship is incredibly dark. Only the barest of emergency lights illuminate the interior. "... dats no gud. not 'nuf powah." says Kroz. The closest metal scrape leads to a series of hallways that extend into the ship. The hallways are dark but miraculously, the doors still work. As Kroz and Grakgut walk, and Wazgor flies down low-power, they pass a bunch of wildlife that has established itself in the halls. "Why'z dere plantz growin' on da ship?" asks Wazgor. One specimen looks like a cross between a stegosaurus and a rhinoceros. Another looks like a camel crossed with a porcupine. Either way, the ship looks like it's been here for a while. "Letz ride deze fings!" says Grakgut. Grakgut walks up to the creature. He makes six degrees of failure on the wrangling test. The creature explodes. "Bah! NOT AGIN!"sighs Grakgut, "STOP 'SPLODIN!" The Rambisaurus stares at Grakgut blankly, then continues grazing. Near the Rambisaurs grazing, the Kill Team also notices something else - a blue light. "Derez da blue git! Leest 'e won't splode!" says Grakgut. "SEZ YOUZE. LEMME ASK'IM FER STUFF FIRST!" replies Kroz hastily. "Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant.
Wazgor acquires a twin-linked Grenade Launcher. Grakgut puts storm fields on his fists. Kroz manages a twin-linked Xenarch Death Arc, which I grew to call the Light Lightning Cannon, or LLC. Wurrza attempts for an fails to get a best quality burna, and 'Eadmangla gets an embedded auspex. As a team they get a modified Saturnine drive, which grants numerous bonuses to their krooza.
"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant as he walks around a corner.
The hallway is dark without the blue light, though the Kill Team can vaguely see a wide hallway that appears to lead deeper in the ship. Before heading deeper into the ship, Grakgut tries one more time to get some of the local wildlife to follow him. He barely succeeds, though he is too large to ride them. He simply sends them back to the Last Danca.
"We'ze kan use dis fer a new dracosquig!" says Grakgut. "But datz not a squig. Dat'z a...wot iz dat fing anyway?" posits Kroz. "Itz...dunno. But itz big, an' weze gunna make it orky!" Grakgut says as he kicks the Rambisaurus herd out the door.
Heading deeper down, into the ship, the hallways begin to smooth out and become longer. The lights in these hallways are brighter. As the Kill Team heads down these hallways, the walls themselves start to flicker, and begin broadcasting images, and hidden speakers begin relaying sound. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbbWUTTCpAs
On the image is a techpriest, with glowing green eyes under a red hood.
"Activate Log. Code 32B. Record." the Techpriest appears to say, "When this message is released, it will be the culmination of all my time and work." "Oy, Kroz, do mekz us'lly 'ave glowing eyez?" asks Wazgor. "Yooze sposed ta be wun uv deze gitz, roight? Ask 'im in masheen talk!" adds Grakgut. "When the people of the sector hear this message, they will recognize me, Magos Aleskander Farotek, as their savior." says the image. "Wotz dis git talkin' about? Mo' X-terminatin'?" asks Wazgor. "The Black Panthers, the Rogue Traders, the Tau, they will all fall to my perfect system." says the recording of Farotek. Wazgor axes one of the images, leaving dozens more down the hallway. "I have dispatched my fleet to Aeonic Forge Alpha." says Farotek, "I will send your fleet to investigate the so-called Delta Forge." Wazgor and Kroz begin searching for an interface cogitator. "I am granting this Ark one of my experiments, an unknown Xenoform I picked up on the world of Chernol, improved with sacred archeotech. It will assist in spreading my vision. I also grant this Ark a weapon of immeasurable power, sacred archeotech to enforce my designs." says Farotek, "I cannot fail. My word is law, and this sector will embrace it!"
Kroz finds a terminal as the message begins to loop. "Whyz all deze gitz be tryin' ta 'make da yooniverse perfekt'?" asks Grakgut, "Dis place iz already roight proppa! Lotsa foightin', lotsa winnin', lotsa gitz gettin' zogged!" Kroz jacks in. "Oi kan't fink uv a bettah place..." muses Grakgut. Kroz brings up a timeline - the looped message is nearly fifty years old. "so dis'ere ship crashed'ere maybe uh... ow many trips is dat... LOTS ago, wotever yearz iz." says Kroz.
With 6 degrees of success on Tech Use, Kroz also brings up a hololithic map of the Ark, and notes that there's been non-imperial access to multiple ship areas. He also accesses security, opening all doors and viewing cameras to multiple areas of the ship. The Crew Quarters camera is overgrown, showing nothing but a herd of Rambisaurs. The bridge is silent, nothing but dust and echoes.
"Zog dat, check da armory!" says Wazgor.
The Armory camera is focused on a line of cardboard boxes moving forward, which suddenly stop. "Oy, wotz Pliskin doin' dere?" asks Kroz. "Uh, boss?" says Pliskin, "Dere'z sumfin' 'ere..." "Gud job, Pliskin!" says Wazgor. "Wot ya find?" asks Grakgut. The camera pans to reveal a huge gun. "Zog me..." says Wazgor. "...an' Oi wuz jus' about ta say you'ze muckin' about..." says Kroz. "Uh, it says, "'Eavy Qua...Kwantu...It'z a zoggin' 'uge kannon," says Pliskin, "We'ze bringin' it to da krooza." "Welp. bettah git krumpin'." says Grakgut.
The Armory camera switches to show followers of Garo appear to be at the reactor, setting charges. "Dis is bad. REAL BAD." yells Kroz, "KROZ TA DYNOMITE. IF YOUZE GOTS ANY TELLYPORTAZ, WE NEEDZ A KILL TEAM IN DA REAKTER NOW. SENDIN KOORDINITES, OR WEEZE GUNNA HAVE BIGGA PROBLEMS DEN JUST LOZIN DIS SEKTA!" "We'll try to get you some support, Deathwatch," says Brother Captain Dynamite, but our Teleporter was on Brown Thunder and we only have our Thunderhawks at the moment. "WHY KULDN'T YA TELLYPORT DA TELLYPORTA OFF WIT' DA TELLYPORTA 'FORE DA BROWN THUNDER GOT ZOGGED TA CHOCOLATE RAIN?" Wazgor activates his jetpack and rokkits towards the Enginarium, with Kroz and Grakgut following.
Rushing toward the reactor, the Kill Team hears a horrific screech, followed by screaming, some small arms fire, and what appears to be small explosions. They appear to be krak and frag explosions. Approaching the door of the reactor, it opens to reveal a number of scorched bodies. The place appears to be deathly silent.
Silent, until a metallic screech pierces the air again, and something flies out of a gash in the Enginarium walls.
A massive reptilian creature, or rather what was once one, now covered in the sheen of living metal, with wings consisting of long thin spikes and plasma membranes, and a long spiked tail.
The Omega Xenoform opens its jaws, and lays a stream of fire out. Kroz and Grakgut notice the living metal covering extends across the glowing plasma wings and the thing's arms and legs, but the chest armor is noticeably damaged, revealing rotting biological components.
At this moment, 'Eadmangla and Wurrza finally arrive. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9xq-vK7tNc
The living metal covering the Omega Xenoform is impervious to ALL damage. However, extensive damage due to age and battle has revealed the chest component, the closest thing that could be called a weakness. Naturally, the kill team goes full auto, reasoning that SOME of the shots will hit the body. The Omega Xenoform opens up with its Kinetic Breath Weapon and Multi-Missile System, as it flies around. As the Kill Team bring out their heaviest weapons, the Omega Xenoform sprays the area with its Ultrathermal Flamestrike Projector, and then rushing in with its scything tail, doing decent damage all around. It drops some Meson Bombs and more missiles before landing on the reactor itself. Between Wurrza's doombolts, 'Eadmangla's pulse fire, and Wazgor's grenades, the kill team is doing as much damage to it as it is to them. However, it is Kroz finally landing a hit with his new Xenarch Death Arc, dealing over 75 damage and striking the final blow to the Omega Xenoform.
And what a blow. The electrical surge causes the Omega xenoform to release a horrible metallic scraping noise as it explodes, missiles and ammo stores going critical, destroying part of the reactors as well and sending them into overload. The reactor now is beginning to rumble the entire Ark.
"Hey, Deathwatch, I don't know what you did out there, but stuff is waking up out here!" says Grenadius over the vox.
The Reactor now catches on fire, the control protocols now completely overloaded. Grakgut drags Kroz off, who is still struggling to grab as many living metal bitz as he can, and Wazgor, Wurrza, and 'Eadmangla begin running off.
After about 5 minutes straight of running, the Kill Team makes it out of the ship, which is starting to disintegrate itself. They see the Black Panthers facing off against waves of Necron Warriors. As the bridge of the Ark Mechanicus explodes in the distance, the Black Panthers begin retreating to their thunderhawks. The Kill Team makes it to the Last Danca, and hit the burnaz, putting numerous Necrons in the dust.
"All right! Let's get Tactical, Marines!" yells Chapter Master Johnson as he leads the retreat.
"Dat'z jus' not fair..." says Kroz, upset over losing a majority of the loot.
As the thunderhawks take off, da Last Danca makes it off world as well. "Dun worry, boss! We'ze got da big kannon on da ship 'ere!" says Pliskin over the vox. "Oy, Pliskin, you loot some tinboyz as well?" asks Kroz. "Sorry boss, wuz busy wif da kannon!" says Pliskin.
The Last Danca reaches the launch bay, followed by the Thunderhawks and the Storm Ravens. As the Last Danca's bulkheads fall open, Pliskin is there waiting.
"BOSS!" Pliskin yells, "Uzgob's on da bridge! 'E says itz important!"
Grakgut immediately runs up to the bridge, followed by the rest of the Kill Team, Dynamite, Grenadius, and Johnson. "Boss!" yells Uzgob, "Rememba when oi said da Krooza was lookin' fer sumfin?" "Yah?" says Kroz. "It'z dat kannon!" yells Uzgob excitedly. "Oi dun' follow..." says Grakgut. "So da Kannon goes on da Krooza!" says Wazgor. "But 'ow ya know?" asks Kroz. "I dunno 'ow I know but I know!" says Uzgob, "Kan't ya feel da difference?"
As Uzgob finishes, the Aeonic Forge begins to glow. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btXnl7AGFg0
Within the central ring, a portal begins to open. But this isn't a warp portal. The Aeonic Forge is acting as an incredibly large Dolmen Gate. Out of the portal floats a Cairn-class Tombship, followed by a few Scythes, Jackals, and Dirges. As everyone heads to battle stations, Uzgob turns to the kill team. "Oi...dun fink we need ta worry, boss!" says Uzgob, "Oi fink we'ze gunna be okay!"
On the bridge, suddenly the controls sink into the ground. Out of the floor emerges new controls. Every terminal on the bridge starts glowing green. The Looted Krooza begins shuddering. "Wut da zog iz goin' on?!" exclaims Grakgut. Kroz checks the Krooza systems, and notes no outside interference - it's all Krooza. "Oi knew it!" yells Uzgob excitedly, "KROZA WUZ WAITIN' FER DAT KANNON!" "Wot's Krooza doin'?" asks Wazgor. "Let'z go den!" exclaims Grakgut. "Awroight boss, da biggest fight iz yers ta take!" says Uzgob, "SHOW'EM WHY WE"Z A BATTLE BAHGE!"
Krooza begins accelerating towards the Necrons. Beneath Kroz appears a new control face. Kroz grabs the new controls and spins da Looted Krooza prow-first towards the tomb-ship. The terminals all appear to go crazy. "FRACTAL MODULE SYSTEM ENGAGED!" says one, as doors across da Looted Krooza begin sealing. "PLASMA DRIVE OUTPUT INCREASING!" says another, as hololithic displays show incredible energy surges.
As da Looted Krooza rushes toward the Necron ships, something strange is happening. The Kill Team feels the command bridge moving forward, along the center of the hull. Krooza splits down the center, all guns firing. As the Bridge reorients itself forward, what was once the prow now appeears to be giant Klaws, and the engine section attached to legs. Krooza draws the massive Kannon, taking aim at the approaching Necrons.
Supa Dimenshun Stompa mode engaged. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VSA7CvnBAU
"WOTS YA FINK, BLACK PANTHAZ? LOIKES DA EMPRUHZ GORKYMORKY ARKEOTEK?" yells Kroz as he drives Krooza forward. "It certainly is impressive." says Brother Captain Dynamite. "Iz dunno wotz goin' on, BUT WE'ZE GONNA LIGHT UP DERE NIGHT!" yells 'Eadmangla.
On the screen, the 'Eavy Kwantum Reakshun Kannon begins charging. Kroz charges Krooza forward, into the swarm of Necron raiders. Grakgut bisects a Jackal with a single punch of Krooza's klaws. While Wazgor unloads into a Dirge with the Kannons. Wurrza finishes it off with the Wizard's Tower. Kroz unloads the Torpedoes and 'Eadmangla uses the Lances to finish off the final Jackal.
"WEZE DA DEFFWOTCH AN' DIS IZ DA KROOZA. WEZE IZ DA KLAW DAT KRUMPS GITZ!" yells Grakgut.
I should also add that in Supa Dimenshun Stompa mode, Righteous fury is enabled. I never saw so many 10s.
The two Scythes move up, and begin firing. A lucky hit strips Krooza of its Auspexes, prompting Kroz do do a spacewalk to fix it. The Kill Team does their best to hold off the two Scythes, until Kroz fixes the problem two turns in. A devastating volley disables a Lance, and sets their manufactorum on fire, though the krew manages to put it out. After concentrated Kannon, Torpedo, and Tower fire force one Scythe to Phase-out, the Kill Team begins heading toward the Cairn. Krooza turns itself around, and begins firing at the last Scythe while moving backwards. A lucky crit from Krooza disables their Lightning Arcs for a bit, while Grakgut punches the second Scythe in half.
"OUR KLAW IS THE KLAW THAT WILL KRUMP DA SKIES!" yells Wazgor as Krooza punches the phasing remnants of the Scythe out of the way.
At this point the Kill Team notices something.
KANNON CHARGE: 100%
Krooza aims the Kannon directly at the Cairn, new Dirges, Jackals, and Scythes appearing out of the dolmen gate. The Kannon splits down the middle, glowing, focusing klaws beginning to spin and coalesce a lance of barely contained energy. 'Eadmangla takes the controls, having the highest BS in the party, and fires the 'Eavy Kwantum Reakshun Kannon. The focusin' klaws spin incredibly fast, and open at a slight angle, firing a wave of green energy straight at the tombships.
"EAT WAAAGH, TINBOYZ!" yells Kroz.
The kannon's lance of focused WAAAGH pierces through the Dirges, through the Jackals, through the Scythes, through the Tombship itself. As the Cairn explodes and phases out, the Dolmen Gate destablilizes. The Aeonic Forge explodes as the reactor on the Ark Mechanicus finally goes critical.
Uzgob's mouth falls open. The cigar falls out of Chapter Master Johnson's mouth. 'Eadmangla drops his mug. Grakgut can't stop laughing. "...well I'll be." says Grenadius.
However, various power surges rushed through Krooza. "Uh, boss?" says Uzgob, "We'ze stuck." "Wuddaya mean weze stuck?!" yells Grakgut. "Dat kannon fried da enjinz!" says Uzgob, "Ya need ta repair'em!" "Get your engines to a usable state, Deathwatch." says Chapter Master Johnson, I'll show you a good place to get repaired."
Grakgut tries to fix the engines, but only succeeds in hurting himself as a piece of the engine falls off and hits his head. Kroz tries to fix the engines, though for the first day it proves particularly troublesome.
"Too bad, If Jamal was here he would have helped you fix it." says Grenadius. "Wot 'appened ta Jamal?" asks Kroz. "We stuck him with that Tau!" says Chapter Master Johnson. "He's a funny case. We trained him wrong. As a joke!" "Loike an Ork?" asks Wazgor. "WOT?" exclaims Kroz, "Dat wuld be trainin' roight!"
Kroz finally fixes the enjinz, and Krooza shudders as it converts back to ship mode.
"All right, " says Johnson, "You should set coordinates for this world...Iniega. They can fix you up but good there. I'll tell ya more when we get there!" "Gud 'nuff for me." says Grakgut, "Oy, 'ow ya loike da grog?" "Best stuff I ever had!" says Chapter Master Johnson. "Gud, Gud. Dat stuff gives ya WAAAGH!" Grakgut summons his grot manservant Grakkagrak to bring out more fungus beer for the mother of all parties. Kroz heads back to the bridge. plugs in, punches in the coordinates, and lounges back in the sarcophagus before kicking the go 'button into gear.
"Dey'z gotta be Orkz...da lot of'em!" sighs Kroz as Da Looted Krooza enters the Warp.
CHAPTER 14
As the wreckage of the Aeonic Forge begins to phase away, clumps of environment being drawn to the gas giant, da Looted Krooza enters the Warp. The trip is estimated at about five days. As soon as Krooza enters the Warp, things start to go a little weird. The hallways seem to stretch on forever, twisting and turning in impossible arrangements. The walls are flashing colors, never the same one twice.
"Lots'o gubbinz ta muck 'bout wi.... WOT." says Kroz, "OI! WOT GITZ BEEN MAKIN NEW CORRIDORZ ON ME KROOZA WIFOUT PERMISHUN?"
And the grots just turned chartreuse.
"Hm..." sighs Grakgut, "Dis be a problem uv a' unorky variety!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpksyojwqzE
"WOT DA ZOG IZ GOIN' ON?" yells Wazgor, who begins grabbing grots and shaking them violently. "Oi gess Oi'll 'aveta eckstrakt dis colah fer analyzin'!" says Grakgut. He pulls over a grot, and hands him an oil-soaked napkin. "Now, Grot. Oi'll need ya ta sign dis. Make shure dat yer orksurance iz gud, kay?" Grakgut asks. The grot gets 8 degrees of failure on Literacy, picks his nose, and sticks the stuff that came out on the paper. "...Gud enuff." Grakgut gets his grot manservant Grakkagrak to begin extracting the chartreuse.
Meanwhile in the Launch bay, the security cameras show tons of smoke, and the Black Panthers bringing out some strange-looking plants with multiple leaves. "Oi, Chapta Masta," asks Wazgor, "Wot are ya doin'?" "Hm?" asks Chapter Master Johnson, "Oh, ain't nothin' better to do." Chapter Master Johnson passes Wazgor a rolled burning sheet of paper. "Got some friends who supply the good stuff." Wazgor eats the rolled burning sheet of paper. Chapter Master Johnson starts laughing, followed by the rest of the Black Panthers, who begin laughing at each other. "Oi. you muhreenz iz pretty big on Waagh, roight? wots dis burny gubbinz?" asks Kroz. "It's wisdom." says Brother Captain Dynamite. "Uh, wots a wisdom?" asks Kroz. "Wizdum iz wut 'umiez kall bein' cunnin'." replies Grakgut. "Yeah, that..." says Dynamite, staring into space. "Oh Dat. WAIT. IF YOU SEZ IT LOIKE DAT, DEYZ'LL ALL REALIZE DAT WE AND EVERYONE IZ ALL ORKZ!" says Kroz. "But it ain't jus' kunnin, itz loik bein' so kunnin' dat yoose kan't git it yerself. Yooze gotta git it frum sumplace." says Grakgut, "Speakin uv which..."
"OY, BLACK PANTHAZ! IT'Z TIME FER A MEDIKAL EXAM!" yells Grakgut. "Well, our Apothecary is currently passed out on a beanbag, so some screening can't hurt." says Dynamite. "EXCELLENT. WE HAVE FREE...FREE... Wutsit dat 'umiez loike?...FREE LOLLIPOPS!" adds Grakgut. "OH FUCK I LOVE LOLLIPOPS" yell half the Black Panthers as they begin climbing over each other to get on line.
As the day comes to a close, the colors begin to recede and the smoke starts to thin, Grakgut pulls over Kroz. "Pssst. Kroz. Git me a buncha boyz, an' grog." whispers Grakgut, "Weze gunna make us sum orky marinez."
The rest of the time in the Warp, Kroz sticks to upgrading the kill team's weapons in his spare time on the mekbridge. Wazgor continues to acquire wisdom with the rest of the Black Panthers, culminating in a rokkit-pack re-enactment of the Blue Danube in the primary launch bay. Grakgut starts sticking various bitz and gubbinz in some of the Black Panthers, ultimately making their Preomnor organ filter alcohol directly into their bloodstream. Da Looted Krooza finally exits the Warp directly into an asteroid field. Port side the Kill Team can see the large gas giant, Iniega. "Rokks." states Grakgut. "Kuld be loot in'em." notes Kroz. "Kollekt it." says Grakgut. "Uh, wuzn't we gettin' repairs?" asks Wazgor. "But loot!" says Kroz.
After scanning the asteroid field, Chapter Master Johnson steps in. "Bah. Forgot about that." says Chapter Master Johnson, "The tenth moon was destroyed. We need to head to the 11th moon." "Well...Deathwatch." says Grenadius, "Welcome to the Iniega system." Kroz pulls Krooza over to a large asteroid. Da boyz begin pulling it in and tie it to the side of the ship. Krooza begins moving towards the 11th moon, though the imbalance from the rokk causes difficulty. They do eventually dock with a station over the 11th moon of Iniega. "WHO DA ZOG PUT A ROKK IN DA ENJINZ?" asks Kroz. "Uh, you did." says Wazgor.
"What you are currently mining," says Grenadius, "is the remnants of the tenth moon, destroyed by the previous Forge, and a man named Farotek." "Dis Farotek..." asks Kroz, kicking the consoles a few times, "...ain't dat da git from da Marz krooza?" "Looks loike it." notes Grakgut. "What do you mean?" asks Grenadius. "Uh, sum git woz da boos o'dat krooza youze wuz muckin' about outside of. Made da big flyin' fing wif da big plazma wings. Dat wuz pretty neat." says Kroz. "Ya. 'ard ta krump. 'e 'ad dis movin' pictcha 'bout 'ow 'e wuz gunna make da yooniverse a bettah place an' all dis stuffs." says Grakgut. "Oi krumped it," adds Wazgor, "Problem wuz too many of 'im ta krump." "Farotek is dead. I saw him die in the fires of the first Forge. We killed him ourselves." Grenadius says, "I...think you must have seen a recording. Nothing more." Grenadius walks off the bridge. "Well, youze never knowz." says Kroz. "It's a fifty-year old problem, if he was to come back, he would have done so by now." says Dynamite, "I wouldn't pay it much mind." Brother Captain Dynamite walks back to the Launch Bays.
"Well then, Deathwatch, this is where we head out." says Chapter Master Johnson, "It was sure fine to fight alongside you, but we need to find the rest of the Chapter. They're probably wasting time somewhere around here." "Roight!" says Grakgut, "Jus' make shure ta git plenty uv grog!" "Search out a man named Boris." says Johnson, "He used to be a Genetor. He is the one that will repair your ship. He runs a machine shop in the underhives. It's all a front of course. He never really left the underworld business." "Ain't dey doks?" asks Kroz. "Wait, wot if we need mo' wizdom?" asks Wazgor. "Boris can hook you up. And 'Deathwatch'..." Johnson turns around, smirking, "Your secret is safe with me." Johnson winks as he walks out towards the Thunderhawks. "Oi wundah wot sekrit 'e meant..." wonders Kroz. Out the window of the Bridge, the Kill Team can see the Black Panthers transports begin to make planetfall.
As the Kill Team prepares to go, Wazgor notices something on the seat. A Gift- wrapped box. "ORKMAS!" yells Wazgor as he rips open the box. "Wot iz dat?" asks Kroz and Grakgut simultaneously. Opening the box, it's a book. On the cover is "Codex Astartes." It appears to be covered in grease stains. "It'z anuvva cookbook!" yells Grakgut. "Mo' recipes?" asks Kroz. Wazgor flips to a random page, bits of fried chicken falling out. He opens to "STEEL REHN." "Mus' be a new way ta chop yer food." says Grakgut. "No you git." says Wazgor, "It's 'ow 'umiez jump from bommas!"
As the Kill Team begins debating whether or not they should eat the book, their cogitators pick up a message. It appears to be coordinates - no sender, no identification, no other information. The Kill Team decides to check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuR4atZ_STI
The Kill Team rushes into the Last Danca, Boldo fluttering in last, and are launched toward the surface. As the Kill Team breaks the stormy atmosphere, all that can be seen are the lights and the smog of hive cities. Kroz brings the Last Danca to a halt on a landing pad. All types of thugs and hive scum can be seen going about their business. On one corner, a pair of Black Panthers are keeping "order," one with a bolter, one with a needle rifle. The Kill Team doesn't seem to recognize them. A heavy rain suffuses the dim neon lights and the shadowy alleyways.
"Skooire Dantalion. Anyfing tries ta take me Danca, ZOG'EM." Dantalion takes up sentry position as Boldo flutters out, flying in circles.
Comparing position to the coordinates on the message, the message coordinates are deeper in the hive, in the underhive. As the Kill Team makes their way through the hives, the dark rainy alleys casting nothing but shadows, they notice, through the darkness, a blue light in one of the alleys.
"MERCH." yells Wazgor, flying over. "Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger!"
At this point, 'Eadmangla has arrived. He would be late due to personal business.
Kroz acquires a box of Plasma Cannons for experiments. Wazgor tries for an Embedded Auspex, but barely fails.'Eadmangla picks up a magnetic harness, his guns now attached all over him. Grakgut decides to pick up the first of the upgrades for SDS Mode, the Pinpoint Power Field, despite not fully knowing exactly what it does. As a team, they pick up Protekty Plates for the Danca, increasing their hull integrity by nearly 50%.
"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant as he walks around the corner.
As the Kill Team heads deeper into the underhives, they see signs advertising the machine shop of a techpriest named Boris. Following the directions, it seems both the signs and the coordinates lead to the same place. Turning an alley, a muted neon sign advertises "Boris' Mostly Fine Goods."
"Kroz, 'ow come all da 'umie Meks are priests?" asks Wazgor. "Da 'Umies, dey seez Dakka, Fasta an other fings as da buddies of da Empruh." replies Kroz, "You knowz how weze talks to us bestest snazziest shootas, roight?" "Kourse." says Wazgor. "Da 'unz dat fix'em iz loike da stompas of Gork an Mork do da 'umies." continues Kroz, "Da Mek Priests iz da wunz dat make you'ze shootas an' rokks all bettah."
Entering the shop, the Kill Team can see machine parts and empty tanks laying about. The Kill Team hears a clang in the back rooms, then notice motion on the side. It appears to be a Kroot. "Hmm...fresh meat. Or business." says the Kroot. "Oi, you Boris?" asks Wazgor. "He will be here...momentarily." says the kroot. Out of the back, covered in machine oil, walks a heavily-armored techpriest. "Hmm, you must be the Deathwatch Comrade Johnson spoke of." says Boris. "Yeah, we need repairz." says Grakgut. "You can drop the act, I know you're orks. I've worked with your kind before." says Boris, "However, if Comrade Johnson says you are fine, then I trust him." "Wot, really?" asks Wazgor. "Gud. Oi 'ate talkin' loike a 'umie." says Grakgut, "Too much yellin'." "I dunno. Da yelly bitz in foightin iz pretty fun." says Kroz. "Fun, but it's 'ard. Makes me 'ead 'urt." says Wazgor. "So I've been told. I can fix your ship, Comrade." says Boris, "It is simple for one such as me." "Dats gud. Dragged in one of dem ex-moon rokks weeze ken melt down fer moar metal if youze needs it." "Excellent, Comrade. That will make things easier." says Boris, "In the meantime, I need you to deal with something for me." The Kill Team perks up.
"This is Iniega. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. And I know EVERY single event that takes place." says Boris, "However, there have recently been events which have been hidden even from me." "Dat sounds like Garo'z doin'. Woz it Lekterz? Dem spindly fingz wot barely stand and 'e finks is all "logikal"? Lousy designs." says Kroz. "Lectors? I have heard of such things. But I do not believe it is them." says Boris, "I believe the taint of Chaos nonetheless is attempting to ingratiate itself here." Boris turns to the Kroot. "Dr. Thrax, the records!" The kroot brings out a sheet of parchment, suspected sightings of Chaos arrayed. "KAOS?! MEYBE WE KAN KRUMP DEM LIFE GAAAHDS SUM MO'!" yells Grakgut excitedly. "Lifeguards? I am not familiar with them." says Boris, "I am told that in high hives, there have been strange sightings." Boris looks up. "Fix problem, and I should have ship ready." says Boris, "Do we have deal?" "Wut kinda strange soightins?" asks Grakgut. I am unsure myself. Marines that do not wear colors of Black Panthers. Screaming in night." sighs Boris, "I want Chaos NOWHERE on my world." states Boris, "Bad for the soul, bad for the spirit, bad for business." "Welp, if its krumpin ya need..." starts Kroz. "Letz go an' krump'em!" says Grakgut. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17PM-UMVud8
Heading back to the Last Danca, The Kill Team note a number of corpses surrounding it, and Dantalion's gun smoking. They stick the corpses in the Danca, and make their way up to the higher hives. Flying up to the upper hives is a simple matter. The Last Danca drags to a halt on a set of landing pads, and the Kill Team disembarks. The skies up here are still cloudy and rainy, though at least its easier to see. The people are just moving about, heads down, minding their own business. Otherwise, there appears to be no heresy in the landing area.
The Kill Team takes a deep breath of the air, and 'Eadmangla and Kroz realize the air sinking from the Upper Hives smells like heresy. "Dere's sumfin' 'eretikal up dere." says 'Eadmangla. The Kill Team piles back into the Last Danca, and begin to fly towards the hivetops.
Flying over the hivetops, 'Eadmangla, notices symbols on one of the roofs, including the 8-pointed star of chaos, bordering a large complex as well as a good place to deep strike if you choose to.
"OWI 'ERESY RIGHT DERE!" 'Eadmangla points at the star. He opens the back hatch of the Last Danca, and strafes his Lascannon across the symbol. It begins glowing, and the sky begins to get purple, the clouds beginning to spin. "Oh zog, " says 'Eadmangla "Oi fink dey'z mad!" The sky becomes very dangerous, as warp lightning begins striking the Last Danca. Kroz decides to fly in low, as the rest of the kill team tries out that STEEL REHN thing in the Codex Astartes. "ALRIGHT, BATTOL BRUTHAS, THIS IS WOT STORMBOYZ ARE MADE OF!" Wazgor jumps out at about 50m, but forgets to hit his jump pack until the last minute, causing him to sprain his ankle from the drop. The rest of the team jumps out at about 10m, making suitable craters. As Kroz scrapes the Last Danca across one of the roofs and rejoins the Kill Team, Grakgut tonka tuffs through the door.
"Wait, what's that sound outside?" asks Plague. "I dunno, the storm wasn't supposed to happen yet." says Noise. "Someone must have screwed with it." adds Sorceror. "By the dark gods, quit arguing and fix it!" yells Berzerker. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" says Midget.
"DARK GODZ!? GUD FING I'Z GOT A LIGHT!" yells Grakgut as he hits his face- mounted exterminator cartridge.
"Hey, someone's here!" yells Noise. "DEATHWATCH! YOU WILL FALL TODAY!" yells Berzerker. "For today..." says Plague. "Guys, get into position first!" says Sorceror. The Lifeguards rush hastily into position. "THE LIFEGUARDS WILL DESTROY YOU!" yell the Lifeguards, all wearing jump packs.
However, Grakgut's flamer hits Midget, whose jump pack ignites early. "By the Dark Gods he just flew up." says Noise. "SAVE HIM!" yells Sorceror. "Oh jeez." says Plague. "Gods-damnit Midget..." sighs Berzerker http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUjxPj3al5U
The Lifeguards have stepped up their game. Berzerker, wielding a hellblade, charges Kroz. Sorceror unleashes powerful psychic barrages at Grakgut. Noise unloads his Blastmaster at 'Eadmangla, as Plague shoots toxic plasma at Wazgor. Wazgor is also charged by Midget, who has made it his life's goal to hump his leg, dealing fatigue damage and attacking Wazgor's self esteem directly. Grakgut punches out Berzerker, but not before Grakgut's storm fields overload, making Grakgut punch himself in the face. Berzerker laughs as he's sucked into the Warp. Kroz disengages and uses his LLC on Sorceror, sending him back to the Warp. 'Eadmangla jumps out of cover, unloading into Noise with pulse fire, burning out his shield, while Kroz finishes off Plague with pulse fire, sending them both into the Warp. Wazgor tries to deal with Midget, but Midget is retardedly lucky with shield and dodge. Boldo joins in, charging Midget and doing a massive amount of damage, while Grakgut finishes off Midget with a Orky Fury'd Shoryuken.
The Kill Team begins searching for loot as the skies begin to clear and the air returns to its greasy rain. 'Eadmangla finds boxes full of spray paint, with such colors as Chaos Black, Chartreuse, and Hot Pink, and a shopping list detailing the need for more spray paint. This spray paint has the taint of chaos, so the Kill Team decides to loot as much as they can and chuck it in sister blood to purify it. After loading the paint into the Last Danca, they fire some missiles into the building, which explodes dramatically, though the Last Danca flies through a cloud of spray paint, splashing it Hot Pink. The Kill Team makes their way back to the landing pads of the underhives, missiles clearing the way when doors don't open.
A short walk over to Boris's shop, and as the Kill Team reaches the door, they hear voices.
"Oh yeah, den it turned ito a big stompa! Dey wuz krumpin' gits everywhere!" says Uzgob. "Interesting, Uzgob. I trust power couplings from Kannon was problem?" asks Boris. "It was incredible, Boris. Never saw anything like it." notes Grenadius. "Oh, hey boss." says Uzgob as the Kill Team enters the small machine shop, "Wuz just catchin' up wit da old bosses!" "Da old bosses?" asks Grakgut. "Ship is fixed, Comrade." says Boris, "Problem was Peg A in Slot B, and Peg B in Slot A. I tape pegs together and mash in Slot C. It work now." "Yep, your Cannon shouldn't feedback anymore!" says Grenadius. "But we wuz mixin' da grog in Slot C..." says Kroz. "Oh good! You're helping them!" says a new voice, approaching from behind. "Oh, great. You." sighs Boris. The Kill Team turns around. "Just the ones I wanted to see!" yells Korst'la the Third ecstatically.
We called the session here.
CHAPTER 15
"Wait until you see what I heard, Deathwatch!" yells Korst'la excitedly. "Hurr hurr hurr, I likes dis git!" says Kroz, "You'ze a real Deffskull!" "...must you use my office?" sighs Boris. "Oh relax, it'll be fun!" says Korst'la, "You always stand to make a profit off it anyway." "So wut did ya 'ear?" asks Grakgut. Korst'la reaches into his pocket, "Oh, right, almost forgot! Inquisitor Doggfather has a message for you guys!" He pulls out a small message. "He says that someone messed up bad. The attempted exterminatus of Xaviol wasn't supposed to happen. He's trying to find out who authorized it, as the clearance can only come from another Inquisitor. If he finds out more, he'll find you." "Dats dumb. Ya gotta make shure ya want sumfin' zogged 'efore ya do it" says Grakgut. "More or less." says Korst'la, "BUT WHO CARES! Check this out!" Korst'la walks over to a hololith terminal, and activates it. The image of a planet covered in ocean, with very few islands, appears. "Wot'z dis place?" asks Kroz. "Aquaphobia." says Korst'la, "And it's under attack by the Tau." "Uh...wots dat mean in 'umie?" whispers Grakgut to Kroz and Wurrza. "Uh, Phobos iz one o' da 'umie mek moons, so dey mus' make kroozas dere!" says Wurrza. "They're bringing something, a secret weapon, to help with the conquest." says Korst'la. "I don't know what it is, but I want it!" "So... Ya need us ta find da biggest treaser on da planit, an loot it, fer pays, roight?" asks Kroz. "Oh, I've already found the treasure!" says Korst'la, "They're transporting it on a Manta Heavy Command Cruiser."
"Uh, wots a Manta?" whispers Kroz. ""Dats da big drop bomma da blue gits use." whispers back Grakgut. "It will be heavily guarded, but I can sneak in no problem." says Korst'la, "but with you guys ruining their day..." "Iz okay if weeze take it roight?" asks Kroz. "If it lasts that long. It will be heavily guarded, and the inquisition has already sent a team to fight it," says Korst'la, "And if they destroy it first, I lose their hidden cargo." "Dun want dat. Loosin' loot iz da 'ardest fing." sighs Grakgut, "Yea. Oi lost me armz!" "I'm told you cut those off yourself...Space Marine." snickers Grenadius. "...Kay so Oi chopped dem off, but it WUZ FER SCOIENCE!" replies Grakgut. "Well, all I want is the top-secret cargo." says Korst'la, "You all can have the rest, I really don't care." "So Weeze just gots ta loot da place and youze'll steal fings from in dere while youze at it?" asks Kroz. "An empty fortress iz loike a mind full'a unguarded loot!" adds Wurrza helpfully, waving his Librarian's stick. "Precisely! I'm going to sneak onto the Manta, and steal whatever it is they're carrying." says Korst'la, "I can't speak for looting it, but whatever's left is yours!" "Yep...I wonts dat Manta." declares Kroz. "Well then, see you over Aquaphobia!" says Korst'la, walking out of Boris' shop. "It was fun to fight alongside you, then." says Grenadius, heading out, "Uzgob, make sure that if they fire you, they remember to re-hire you!" "Hurr hur, roight!" says Uzgob.
"Da plan iz simple. While 'ez creatin a distrakshun by sneakin all sneaky-loike undetekted ta steal da fing... Weeze gunna use dat ta steal da Manta!" says Kroz. "Da gud fing 'bout foightin Tau is dey'z terrible in up-klose taktikal situations. They loik to keep da fight at a distance...but da bulk-ead o' deir ships makes for da...circumstances they's weakest in." says Wurrza. "ROIGHT. ALL weeze gots ta do iz be all kareful an stuff to not zog da manta like every other big fing weeze tried ta loot. Dat shud be easy. Two... uh... five... uh, Nine? time da charmz?" asks Kroz. "Very well. Happy looting, orks." says Boris, heading back into the rear of the shop, "I am surprised Korst'la has not seen through you. He truly is as dumb as his grandfather..." "Roight...as long as we'z livin' da dream..." says Wurrza, shrugging his shoulders.
Leaving Boris's shop, the Kill Team once again makes their way through the Neon streets and darkened alleyways of the hive of scum and villainy known as Iniega. One alleyway catches their eye, however, as it glows a familiar blue.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant.
Grakgut attempts for a Rocket Fist upgrade, but just barely fails. Kroz picks up a box of about 20 red-bulb motion predictors for the team. Wurrza acquires a replacement best Burna, with intentions for psyflame ammo and Force upgrades in the future. The team collectively tries for ADMMs for the Last Danca, but cocks it up.
"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant. The alleyway lies dark and deserted as the Merchant turns a corner.
The Kill Team makes their way back to the Krooza, now fully repaired and outfitted. Entering the landing bay, the doors slamming open, Boldo flutters out and Uzgob begins running to the Mekshop. "Got sumfin' ta work on!" says Uzgob. "HAHA. Youze aint da only'un! Iz goin to da bridge!" says Kroz.
Wurrza heads to his wizard's tower. He begins to sit down, listening to the psychic clamor of the over 135,000 orks below him, when he hears a noise behind him. "Gronk."
Grakgut had stuffed the Rambisaurs in Wurrza's tower. "Wot da zog is dat?" asks Wurrza. He gets his beastmaster on, and psychically dominates the thing's mind. One of the larger Rambisaurus begins following Wurrza around.
"Tenshun Kroo of Da Looted Krooza. Dis iz yer Bigmek speakin. We'ze gunna engage in da Worp-Fingz fer time, ta get to a planet full'o blue gitz ta loot an Foight an... uh... Foight and Loot. Keep all zoggin git fingz in dem uproight gubbinz, an make note of da grotz near da airloks. NO OPENIN DA AIRLOKS IF YOUZE DUN WANNA ENJINZ PERGE!" yells Kroz, "NOW NO TURNIN CHARTREUSE! ERE WE GO!"
The Looted Krooza enters the Warp. The trip is expected to take three days. Wurrza decides he wants to upgrade his pet Rambisaurus. However, as he heads to the painbay to see the hulking neighborhood painboy, things go a predictable type of unpredictable weird. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbpbA8l9nr4
"Oh zog, you grotz betta not turn Chartreuse!" exclaims Kroz. The walls begin to rotate, the air begins to smell like burning electronics, and...the grots turn puce. Once again, the grots begin panicking, while gunfire erupts as the boyz begin popping grots. "First chartreuse, now puce! WOT DA ZOG IZ WIF DEM GROTZ IN DA WARP?!" exclaims Kroz. Grakgut has his grot manservant begin collecting the puce, while Wurrza plans out upgrades to the Rambisaurus. As the grots find their forms malleable, the day is lost as various Warp Happy Fun Time occurs.
As the rest of the warp trip grinds on, Kroz begins working on building a plasma jetpack. He gets about halfway through over the two days. In the Painbay, Wurrza and Grakgut work on making the Rambisaurus more orky. Grakgut horrifically fails his Chymist test, making a smoking bubbling concoction, including such things as ork blood, sister blood, squig bitz, fungus beer, and a grot that fell in and died.
Wurrza psychically induces sleep in the Rambisaurus, and begins injecting orky thoughts, causing a blood rain perils. Grakgut is overjoyed, as some of the blood mixes with his horrorshow of a potion, which he promptly injects into the Rambisaurus. The Rambisaurus passes Toughness to not instantly die, and wakes up, frenzying across the painbay.
Wurrza and Grakgut consider this a huge success.
The following morning, the Looted Krooza exits the warp. The Kill Team can see Aquaphobia's seas from space. Granted, there really isn't much to see but the sea. The Kill Team's searchy gubbins pick up signals. "All right, Deathwatch!" says Korst'la, "It's all you! We'll come in during the ruckus!"
Both Korst'la and the Kill Team, however, cannot even seem to find the battle at first. They spend about an hour searching the planet before they pick signs of the Manta up. Hololiths show a small island, as well as its approximate coordinates. Grakgut kicks the cogitator until it zooms in to the Air Cadre. The Manta is flying over the sea, towards the island. It is escorted by a number of Barracuda fighters and Tiger Shark support platforms.
The players first consider activating Supa Dimenshun Stompa mode, however the size difference would most likely destroy all the loot. So they settle on a second course of action.
They will Drop Pod on top of the Manta and steal it from the inside.
"UZGOB! GETS UP'ERE!" yells Kroz. "Wots up, boss?" asks Uzgob. He appears to be holding a massive tube. "Wotz dat?" asks Kroz. "Dat fing wit all da dakka on it called it a "RCL." Goes on da bomma." says Uzgob. "'ow akkurate ken we makes one of da rokks? We needz ta land ROIGHT on dat fing dere," says Kroz, pointing to the Manta. "Uh, Gettin' da rokk dere ain't a problem. Gettin' da boyz in is. Doze fings got krooza armor." says Uzgob. "Get us da pod dere, weeze kant lootz it wifout bein in dere, so weeze might as well steal it while it flies and back up 'ere," states Kroz. "Unless ya bring it down, first..." muses Uzgob. "DAT'LL BLOW IT UP YA GIT, AN IZ WONTS DAT FING. An' da blue git'z payin' us fer da fing innit." says Kroz angrily. "Wot're we gonna do wif it?" asks Wurrza. "Uh...wait! Krooza needs a hat!" yells Kroz. "An' Krooza's gonna get one!" adds Grakgut.
The Kill Team rushes to the Rokk Pods.
The Kill Team collects a squad of the 'ardest boyz they know. Coincidentally, they have been operated on by Grakgut. The Kill Team gets into one pod, and the boyz get into another. They drop down, feeling the heat of re-entry around them. Looking out the window, the kill team can see the Manta approaching, its guards unaware. And then they hear a scraping.
The Rokk Pods are deflected by the Manta's energy fields. The Manta had a PR50 shield on its main body, and the rolls were 18 and 31.
Both pods are deflected by the shield, and the pods hit the beach. The Inquisitorial forces finally arrive, fighters and bombers complicating the situation.
Grakgut walks out on the beach, falls to his knees, and screams at the sky. "ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG!"
On the plus side, the beach feels rather pleasant.
"OI. KROZ. WUT WUZ DAT?!" yells Grakgut angrily. "UH. DAT WOZ DA GENESIS PART OF ME PLAN. DEM SHIELD FINGS DAT BOUNCED US OFF LOIKE DAKKA OFF YOUZE ARMER!" replies Kroz.
Session 15. The highlights? Three stranded stoogorks.
The players immediately begin to formulate ways to get off the island. Their first idea is to try a lance bombardment to force the Tau down. However, rokkin' ork BS means the lance shot is far off targer, boiling that area of the sea and leaving the island suffused in a steamy mist that cuts off some sight to the horizon.
Their second idea is to try and force EVERYONE down.
"ATTENSHUN IMPERIAL AND TAU VESSELS. DIS IS DA IMPERIAL BATTOL BARGE DA LOOTED KROOZA, FLAGSHIP OF CHAPTA DEFFWOTCH. YOUZE HAZ SEEN US WARNIN SHOT. ALL HOSTILITIES MUS' END AN' LAND ON DA NEARBY ISLAND FER PARLEY WIF DA CHAPTA BOSSES, OR DIS WORLD'LL BE ZOGGED O' BOTH 'ERETIKS AN' XENOS!" yells Kroz into the voxcaster. "Fink dat'll work?" asks Kroz. "...no." says Grakgut and Wurrza, "Dat won't work at all."
The Imperial comms are flooded with cries of HERESY. This didn't work out too well either. Not to mention the Inquisitorial pilots begin to take heavy losses from the distraction.
0 for 2.
Kroz then considers Tau military doctrine. In Tau warfare, they NEVER meet the enemy face to face in a combat situation. While the kill team can't remember the specifics of Tau warfare, they know that it pretty much all revolves around shooting, and almost NO close quarters combat. They get auxiliaries for that. However, they do remember what happens if a man is down - drones are sent to first investigate, then pickup is established.
So they open up a line to the Tau, no minor task in itself. This time, Grakgut gives it a go.
Four degrees of failure on Deceive. "HONORABRU COMMANDERU. WE'ZE BEEN ZOGGED AN' REKWEST ASSISTANCU. PREASE COME AND HERP US 'FORE DA DISHANAHROBORU 'UMIES LOOT OUR DAKKA." "Who is this? What's your operating number?" asks the Tau on the other end. "Uh...4." stammers Grakgut. "That's not a valid operating number, Imperial spy." says the Tau on the other side, ending the comms. "Borin' konversation anyway. Shoulda said sumfin' 'bout a reactor leak." says Wurrza.
"Uh, boss, you dere yet?" asks Uzgob over the comms. "Uh..." starts Grakgut. "We'ze somewhere..." says Kroz. "Uh, want me ta send down da Bomma?" asks Uzgob. "... it ain't gunna crash?" asks Kroz. "Not if Oi aim it roight..." says Uzgob. "YOUZE BETT. WAIT WOT?" "Jus' give da word, boss!" "DIS BETTA WERK." "Pretty sure nuffin' bad'll 'appen!" says Uzgob.
A screaming pierces through the air. The Kill Team sees the bomma through the mist. It hits the sand and slides across the beach. The doors fall open, the sound muffled by the sand. Out of the Danca flies Boldo. He chirps in the mist. "Told ya oi wouldn't miss, boss!" says Uzgob, "used da lucky kannons!"
Kroz hops in, flicks all necessary switches, and gets ready to make a very very close drop on the Manta. The last of the Imperial fighters get shot down. The Last Danca flies closer towards the tau.
"Deathwa------tch out! I thi------saw your approa------" says a voice over vox. A Marauder AWACS flies by. "Oh zog, is dat Walrus?" asks Grakgut.
The Tau turn to the Kill Team, Barracudas and Tiger Sharks taking combat position.
At this moment, 'Eadmangla arrived, as did da rest of da boyz. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0biDhwPi-IU
The Kill Team was facing off against a wing of 4 Barracudas, two Tiger Shark A- X-0-0 Fire Support Platforms (Ion Cannon, Missile Pods), and two Tiger Shark A- X-2-2 Electronic Warfare platform, which were providing ESM and jamming the Kill Teams' communications.
"----tch! There are enem------viding ESM! Yo------n a world of hurt if y----et'em go!" says Walrus, whose signal is being jammed.
Kroz flies over and drops Wurrza and Grakgut onto the Manta's surface. Wurrza make it safely, but Grakgut is deflected by the shield, and begins falling to the sea. While Wurrza psychically fries drone burst cannon turrets, Kroz and 'Eadmangla begin taking out the jammer aircraft, to remove a pesky -20 to BS. In the meantime, they are getting shot up. 'Eadmangla finally points out Grakgut's falling, and they save him at the very last moment. They take out some Barracudas with missiles, before heading back for another go. Once again over the Manta, Grakgut hops out and makes it onto the Manta.
Kroz and 'Eadmangla finally finish off the jammer Tiger Sharks, allowing Walrus to give a full battlefield brief. The RCL special weapon proves to be a boon, a series of Multiple Rocket Pods with a fire rate of -/-/12, each dealing 3d10+10 Pen 10. Grakgut and Wurrza, in the meantime, are cutting through the Manta's armor, though since a Manta has starship armor it is taking a LONG time. Using the RCLs on the Tiger Sharks and radcannon guns on the Barracudas, the Kill Team finally isolates the Manta. Which promptly begins ascending.
Having lost its escort, the Manta decides for a tactical withdrawal. To cover its escape, it launches a new type of seeker missile, which not only damages from impact, but creates a massive secondary explosion just as strong as the original impact. Grakgut and Wurrza lose their grip from the Manta as it reaches a 90 degree angle.
"Deathwatch! Aim for its engines to slow its ascent!" yells Walrus.
The Kill Team performs a strafing run, rockets impacting the engines. Finally, the Manta's ascent starts to slow, and reverse.
"Heavy Command Cruiser Manta out of commission! Excellent work!" says Walrus, "The Deathwatch is the real deal!" "If deyz zoggin blow up again, I'z tryin da orkross kannon on dis zoggin planet." whispers Kroz.
The Manta hits the ground, and flips onto its bottom. "HA!" yells Grakgut, "da fish turned belly-up!"
A series of explosions rock the Manta, but these seem to be limited to the weapons and storage bays. The Manta is otherwise intact. "Walrus, Da...uh...Adeptus Mekanikus iz askin' us ta get dis fing back to da Looted Krooza, soz dey kan...uh, muck about wif it." says Kroz. "I'll never understand those cogboys. Either way, give them my regards." says Walrus as he pulls off.
Landing near the Manta, the Kill Team disembarks and walks forward, until they bump into something invisible. 'Eadmangla pokes it, and Grakgut punches it, causing one of Korst'la's Phantomfish to decloak.
As the players approach the Manta, the door to the Manta's Landing Bay explodes open.
"I like this thing!" yells Korst'la as he marches out in a large battlemech.
"Dis da fing yooze wanted?" asks Kroz. "Yep!" says Korst'la, "You can have the rest, I don't care!" "... OI. WAIT 'ERE A SEC. YOUZE GUNNA 'ELP ME FIX DIS FING!" yells Kroz. "I think you guys can handle yourself on that." says Korst'la, "I'm not a fan of repair, and Jamal is busy fixing the Stealth System." "Boss" whispers a nearby cardboard box, "leave it to us!"
The line of Cardboard boxes begin sneaking onto the Manta as Korst'la boards the Phantomfish.
'Eadmangla begins searching around for loot. It seems that there was not much on the Manta but Korst'la's battlemech. 'Eadmangla does, however, find a gun drone laying around, though he is unable to find a drone controller on the Manta. Exploring the rest of the Manta, the Kill Team finds most of the Tau dead, suicide by cyanide-equivalent pills.
While Kroz begins fixing the engines, Boldo camped on his head, 'Eadmangla and Grakgut begin quizzing a nearby terminal for information. "Komputah...wut iz puce?" asks Grakgut. "Puce: A shade of reddish brown." states the computer. "Komputah. Wut...iz me?" asks Grakgut. "You are you." states the computer. "Gud answer." says Grakgut. "Komputah, display supa-suit gubbinz." says 'Eadmangla. "Information not found." states the computer "Komputah. Wut iz da perpose uv dis ship?" asks Grakgut. "Transport for Project Ubersuit." "When wuz last datazog?" asks 'Eadmangla. "From where?" asks Grakgut. "No Datawipes determined." drones the computer, "Transport from Fal'shia to Aquaphobia complete." The computer shuts down.
Kroz eventually gets the Manta space-worthy, and pulls it into one of the larger launch bays. Conversion into a hat begins immediately. The Kill Team also endeavors to turn it into a big shuttle for da boyz.
"Awright, boss!" says Pliskin, "'ere's da loadout!" The kill team received 500 XP and 2 PF, and we called the session there.
CHAPTER 16
The Kill Team is holding orbit over the watery world of Aquaphobia. Installing the Manta as Krooza's new hat is progressing nicely. As the bolts are being welded in place, the Skanna Jamma begins beeping.
"Hmm, dis wun's jus' pictures, boss!" says Uzgob. He connects the message to the main screen. "Uh. Main Skreen Turn On!" yells Kroz.
As the Main screen hums to life, The Kill Team is presented with a planet of rainforests amongst a sea of lava. Ix. The feed appears to be from an inquisitorial satellite. The satellite turns to look out into space.
"Dat red burny stuff iz gud. Iz like, Water o' da WAAAGH"
Approaching the world is a tendril of Tyranids. The satellite continues broadcasting, until a claw smashes into it and the feed cuts out.
"Wot da zog." says 'Eadmangla. ""OI! OI! DAT STUFF IZ GORK AND MORK'S, YA BUGZ!" yells Kroz. Wurrza drools a moment, considering what effect the Shadow in the Warp will have. "DIS IZ YER BIGMEK SPEAKIN. DEM SCREECHY BUGZ IZ TRYIN TA DRINK UP ONE O' GORK AN MORK'S WAAAGH-JUICE PLANETS! WEEZE GUNNA STOP DAT NOW!"
Kroz smashes the Big Red Button, and the Looted Krooza enters the warp with a resounding smashing sound as the krew gets their shootas and rokkits ready, waaaghing up a storm.
The trip is expected to take four days. But things are taking longer than usual. Time just seems so lost.
As 'Eadmangla waits for a status report from Dak, he hears a small explosion in the vents. Dak morph-balls out, with his report. "Sorry, boss!" says Dak, roling behind 'Eadmangla, "Still lookin' fer Skarfang!" "Heh! You'ze gettin' betta at hidin'!" says 'Eadmangla. "I'z keep lookin'!" says Dak as he morph-balls back into the vents.
Nothing much gets done the first and second days. 'Eadmangla searches for a joke book, but being written by a 'umie, the jokes aren't very funny.
I'z got one betta." says Wurrza, "Wot do ya get when ya cross a squig with an elephant?" "A whole lotta mess." says Grakgut. "'zactly." agrees Wurrza.
Wazgor and Wurrza decide to flip through the grease-stained Codex Astartes in the meantime. Wazgor looks up STEEL REHN tactics, and Wurrza looks up Librarian bitz. Wazgor and 'Eadmangla continue the search for Skarfang's Head, while Kroz fails at constructing his jetpack. The third day, things start to pick up. Kroz finishes his jetpack while Grakgut experiences a revelation - If time is so slow, they need to make time fly...out of da kannonz! Da boys proceed to gather every chrono and time piece on the krooza, which are promptly shot out into the warp by Wazgor.
The fourth day goes much faster now that all the chronos are gone, and da boyz start havin' fun. Grakgut and Wazgor begin catching grots, eating half of them and forcing the other half to fight for their amusement. The Pocket Grot phenomenon takes the ship by storm, and even Wurrza feels the mass of WAAAAGH energy being generated.
Which gives Grakgut an idea.
Grakgut grabs a nearby pulse rifle charge pack, and jams it in Wurrza's brain. Wurrza then uses his sending powers to charge the pack with undiluted WAAAGH. The resultant psychic storm results in a pack with a third of the mag size (12 shots vs 36), and the inability to charge the pack ever again. However, the magazine grants the Warp Weapon trait for those 12 shots. Grakgut gives it to 'Eadmangla, who has the highest BS in the party, and can thus make it count.
The following morning, the Looted Krooza leaves the warp over Ix. It appears to be in the first stages of Tyrannoforming. "Dis ain't gud. Anyfin' on da Skanna Jamma?" asks Kroz.
The Kill Team activates the searchy gubbinz, and notes anomalous signals coming from a large chemical processing plant at the edge of one of the lava islands. "... OI. BRING DAT UP ON DA MAIN SKREEN. ROIGHT DERE" yells Kroz. Wurrza attempts to reach out with his powers to see if there's anything out there. All he feels is a cold emptiness. 'Eadmangla flips through the Codex Astartes for advice on Tyranids, and reads that Tyranids are dominated by their Synapse creatures, the lynchpin of an invasion force.
The chemical factory shows up on the hololith displays. It's pretty big, and the Tyranids have already punctured it. Green shit is leaking into the lava. Wurrza attempts to signal the Ordos Xenos and Doggfather, but the Shadow in the Warp prevents the signal.
"No, I ain't int'rested in supa-sizin' mah dangly gubbinz! SEND!" sighs Wurrza as his message is blocked by the psychic spam.
The Searchy Gubbins are predicting increased movement and activity relative to that hemisphere of the planet, so the players make that their first priority.
The boyz begin itching for a fight, grabbing their shootas and nets. "Make shure ya git dere bitz! Oi fink it'z toime fer a barbecue!" yells Grakgut as da boyz rush to their rokk podz. "Bring us something good, boss." says Clarence as he drives the players to the Launch Bays. "We eva not, Clarence? Dat 'at iz gunna be GUD AN PROPA!" yells Kroz excitedly.
The Kill Team, Wurrza's Rambisaurus, and Boldo all jump on the Last Danca, which is shot out the Launch bays, breaking through the stormy skies to approach the chemical factory. 'Eadmangla stares out a window, until he realizes the rest of the Kill Team has left. He takes a Rokk Pod down, and lands near the players. "You zoggin' gits lef' wifout me!" yells 'Eadmangla angrily. Kroz shrugs. "You wuz muckin' about."
Wurrza once again extends his mind, this time feeling something. Most of the minds are tiny, barely any notice. But Wurrza feels something HUGE WITH HUGE BRAINS in that chemical facility.
"Datta way," Wurrza says, pointing towards the chemical factory, "We'ze got da biggest bug in dere." "Big bug?" asks Grakgut, "Betta bring da bug spray."
Approaching the factory, they are greeted with a large adamantine door. Kroz opens the door with a nearby terminal as Grakgut and Wurrza (riding the Rambisaurus) charge it. While they miss the door, Grakgut and Wurrza, however, are the first to see a blue light in the side of the facility's entrance hall.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger." says the Merchant.
Wurrza gets a lifetime supply of Psyflame Ammunition. Wazgor trades in enough teef to get an embedded auspex. Grakgut finally gets his Rocket Fist upgrade. Kroz manages to get the ADMM Deff Arsenal for the Last Danca. Unfortunately, 'Eadmangla fails to acquire a long-range auspex. As a team, they rectify Grakgut's speed problem with a set of tank treads! Grakgut got the switchable version, so he can change from Tank Mode to Walk Mode as a half action.
"Heh heh heh, thank you..." says the Merchant as he wanders off behind a door.
Grakgut raises his arm in the air. "TRANSFOOORM!" he yells as his Tank Treads switch to active mode. The Kill Team hears a chitinous screeching deeper in the facility. While Kroz and Wazgor engage their jump packs, Wurrza readies his Rambisaurus, and 'Eadmangla hitches a ride on Grakgut. The Kill Team makes full speed deeper into the facility. Busting their way through a door, they come to a large chemical dumping ground, pools of green shit leaking everywhere in the sandy pit, the lights barely working.
"Ya know, I'z part tank now." muses Grakgut, "Meybe da best fing fer orks ta do iz become cyborks?" "I fink da best fing ta do iz ta be orkz." says Kroz. "Yea. Dun matta if you'ze mostly metal or not, as long as you'ze one o' da boyz!" notes Grakgut.
While looking around, Wazgor notes a glowing white orb in the center of the room. "I sense a disturbance in da warp. Loik a million Grots woz trying ta Waaagh but was suddenly krumped." says Wurrza. Wazgor takes up position in the air, while Kroz flies in closer for a look. As Kroz goes to pick it up, the orb quickly retracts, and the ground explodes all around the Kill Team.
The Trygon Prime laying in wait emerges and begins attacking Kroz, bristling with Electricity. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlF0-Qs2xkI
The Trygon Prime, despite the surprise opening, fails at hitting anything. This gives the kill-team an opening to fire. After a full round of shooting, tank- charging, and psychic-boosted fire, the Trygon Prime dives back into the ground, where a bunch of Raveners emerge to harry the Kill Team. As the Kill Team works to deal with this NEW problem, the Trygon Prime zaps Kroz with its electric pulse. After about 10 shots and 13 wounds, the Kill Team decides to go all out on the Trygon Prime, almost ignoring the Raveners. Focused fire causes the Trygon Prime to shudder as it falls in a pit of green shit. However, before the final blow was struck, he tore open a portal in ti...wait, no, he just dug away through the sand. This loss of Synapse caused the Raveners to flee as well.
"OH NO YA DON'T!" yells 'Eadmangla. "OI WUZ GONNA EAT DAT!" says Grakgut. "Where da zog did it go?" asks Wazgor.
The room stands silent until the voxcaster blares. "OY, BOSS!" yells Uzgob, "WE'ZE GOT A PROBLEM!" "Wot?" asks Kroz. "LOTSA BUGS COMIN' TA FIGHT!" says Uzgob. "'Ow'z dat a problem?" asks Grakgut. Uzgob thinks a moment. "HMM, GUD POINT!" he says, "WE'LL TRY TA SAVE SOME FER YA!" "psst...trying ta focus here, ya gits." whispers Wurrza, who cannot seem to get a psychic fix on the Trygon Prime. He realizes that it's not in the building anymore, though from there the connection is vague at best. "Hop on den! We'ze gunna go huntin'!" yells Grakgut, who begins speeding outside.
As the Kill Team reaches the outside, they can barely see a number of Tyranid cruisers in the sky, duking it out with Krooza. "We'ze gotta get to da Danca!" yells Wazgor. Grakgut disengages Tank Mode to watch the fireworks. However, the ground once again begins to rumble. Out of the ground explodes the Trygon Prime. But something's wrong. It's glowing in that green chemical crap. Even worse...
"Wot's goin' on dis time? Oh ya gotta be morkin' kiddin me..." sighs Wurrza. "Oh zog." says Wazgor. "WOT." stumbles Grakgut.
The Trygon Prime is flying. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlmSwQVxIgU
This time, it's just the Kill Team vs the horrifically mutated Flygon Prime. Grakgut engages his Rocket Fists, attaching to the Trygon, and punching it midair. Kroz and Wazgor fly up and begin unloading from the sky while 'Eadmangla and Wurrza fire from the ground. When the second round comes, and they realize they've barely scratched it, they realize it's time.
Skwad mode.
Grakgut proceeds to engage the Flygon Prime in a grapple, and suplexes the thing into the ground. Wurrza burns the thing in sanctified psyflame. Wazgor unloads with his deathspinner and meltagun. 'Eadmangla double-taps Lascannon. As Kroz brings the LLC around and pumps the Flygon Prime with over 9000 volts of electricity, it finally shudders and dies for good.
Boldo chirps at the players' victory.
Wurrza scans around for further synapse creatures, and determines that all the action is now in orbit. Wazgor collects some green shit as the party hurriedly ties the Flygon Prime's corpse to the bottom of the Danca, and take off. Wazgor tries some of the green on the way back. It tastes like shit.
"Huh. Needs garlic." says Wazgor.
Flying through the perfectly peaceful calm sky, the Kill Team finally reaches da Looted Krooza. There is a battle raging all around, with bioships vs Krooza.
"TAKE DIS TO DA KITCHIN AN FIND DA COD DEX ON DAT FING FER PARTY. IZ'LL BE ON DA BRIDGE FER FOIGHTIN!" yells Kroz. "Need a lift, boss?" asks Clarence, pulling up his buggy. While most of the Kill Team gets on the buggy, Clarence races Grakgut. Clarence beats Grakgut by a decent margin. "Ahhaha. Nekcst toime." says Grakgut. "It'z a gud day ta be in Deffwotch, boyz." says Wurrza.
As the Kill Team reaches the bridge, the Tyranid bioships begin making way. Something huge is coming. It looks like an unbelievably sized Hive ship.
"'Ow bout no..." says 'Eadmangla, rushing to the weapons batteries. "KROZ TA ALL KREW. FERGET DA COOKIN FER A MINUTE. INCOMING MEGA-ROKK" yells Kroz, as he looks down. The entire kill team suddenly sees something.
The screens are glowing green. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VSA7CvnBAU
"LOOTED KROOZA, TRANSFORM!"
Krooza's controls sink to the ground, replaced by new controls. "PLASMA REACTOR OUTPUT INCREASING!" states one terminal. "FRACTAL MODULE SYSTEM ENGAGED!" displays another. The Kill Team can feel the bridge moving as Krooza splits down the middle, exchanging engines for legs and an armored prow for sparking power klaws, topped with the Tricorn Manta Hat.
Krooza extends its arm, as the Orkross Kannon flies into its waiting Klaw.
Supa Dimenshun Stompa Mode engaged.
However, something is happening to the Hive Ship too. It too assumes a vertical stance. As it bristles with organic weaponry, huge tentacles and claws unfold from the hull, wings unfurling from the back. Armor folds back to reveal a head....a very angry head.
"NAOW DIS IZ A FOIGHT!" yells Grakgut.
The Hive Leviathan roars, despite there being no air in spess. It must be psychic in origin. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCkRoyN3miQ
The Hive Leviathan opens up with a devastating charge attack. However, the Pinpoint Power Field activates, and Krooza parries the attack with the Orkross Blade. Some damage from Pyro-acid and Bio-Plasma strikes Krooza, but nothing big, and the players counter-attack. The Leviathan pulls back, and uses its secret weapon - the Gravity Lasso. Firing a translucent beam normally used for dragging a hive fleet across interstellar space, the Gravity Lasso begins crushing Krooza's superstructure, preventing it from moving. I called for Opposed Strength (Krooza's 50 vs the Hive Leviathan's 55), and Krooza was almost decimated by its own mass. However, Krooza breaks through, and fires back, wounding the Leviathan's organic thrusters.
Leaving it on a collision course for the planet.
In order to make sure this thing goes down, the Kill Team hits Da Big Red Button, and Krooza charges directly into the Hive Leviathan. Krooza and the Leviathan engage in a punching match as they break atmosphere, falling toward the planet's surface. Krooza drives the Hive Leviathan into the ground, landing some kilometers away. As the Hive Leviathan twitches in its death throes, Krooza casually walks over, slamming one engine boot into the Leviathan's neck, and aims the Orkross Kannon directly at the Leviathan's face.
"EAT DA BIGGEST GREEN!" yells Kroz.
The Orkross Kannon's blades begin spinning, focusing the incredible energy within. The energy is released directly at the Leviathan, which screams as its form is annihilated. Krooza raises the Orkross Cannon, still smoking.
It's difficult, but Krooza's engines engage, flying the Supa Dimenshun Stompa back to space. All around the Kill Team can see tyranid bioships spasming in their death throes. Without the synapse from the Hive Leviathan, they cannot live much longer. The planet will probably recover in time. "Toime fer lunch!" yells Grakgut as the Kill Team rushes to the 'Nid roast. As the party goes on and the boyz discover the joy of Pocket Grot vs Pocket Gaunt, everyone revels in the after-battle party.
CHAPTER 17
Krooza changes back to Krooza mode as da boyz harvest the tyranid chitin for Krooza's new coat.
>This alone was interesting. I would have thought the players would go for a Luchador mask, but they decided to loot one later.
"Dun worry, boss, we'ze take care uv evryfin'." says Uzgob and Grakkar.
At this point, the Kill Team looks down and notices something - they're a lot bigger.
"Oi, izzit jus' me or iz everyfin' feelin smaller? Didn't fink I eats dat much." notes Kroz. "Hmm." observes Grakgut, looking down at his arms, "Oi fink weze bigga now." "Dat dun make sense. I dun feel smarta." protests Kroz. "Ya see..." rambles Grakgut, "Dere comes a time in erry orkz loife wen 'e starts growin' in places. It moight be weird, and it moight be scary. But itz da natural fing." "Ya mean..." says Wazgor. "It'z kalled Noberty." "Weze nobz now! Bigga, stronga, seein' fingz betta!" yells Wazgor excitedly. "But if oi ain't smarta, bigga ain't werf one gitty bit." sighs Kroz. "If ya wanna get smarta, try eatin' bookz. Oi 'ear dat digestin' a good book makes ya smarta!" replies Grakgut.
As the Kill Team continues to flaunt their hulkingness, the Skanna Jamma starts beeping. Smacking it a bit, the Kill Team gets the message to play on the Main Screen.
"Word up, word up, this is Inquisitor Doggfather to Catalyst Station, that kill team still around? I got a job for'em." "Rokkin'. Dats alwayz a gud foight!" says Kroz. "Dre finally got his ass over here, and we been looking for more info on that busta that's been causing chaos everywhere. I sent some Acolytes to a space hulk that appeared over Tempest." Doggfather's message pauses a moment. "I think they dead. I need that Kill Team to head out there and check it out." says Doggfather. "Anuvva spess 'ulk?" asks Grakgut. "Their last transmission was rather promising - 'We found it! The informa-what? WHo are you? Oh God Emprah! You're everyone! You're------blargh.'" "Everyone?" asks Kroz, starting to get confused, "Iz youze? Iz me? Iz you me?" "But yeah, I'll meet them when I can. I need that info off the space hulk, and I think they can do it." Doggfather's message cuts out.
"I'z be in da mekbridge..." says Kroz.
While Clarence brings the Kill Team up to the Mekbridge, they see Uzgob and Grakkar supervising krooza coat creation. Arriving at the bridge, the Kill Team notes additional information relayed during the message. The space hulk is a very "small" one, named the Wisdom of Ackbar. It only recently appeared over Tempest, and rarely appears over this part of the sector. Doggfather sent Five Acolytes. Their objective lay toward the front of the space hulk, in its datatoriums.
"Hmm...wots an Ackbar?" asks Wurrza. "Tenshun, Tenshun. Dis iz yer bigmek speakin'. Da Looted Krooza iz gunna go find sum big spess'ulk an loot iz sekrits. Keep yer spacedoors not open an yer gubbinz in da propa position." states Kroz over ship vox.
Da Looted Krooza engages the warp drives, and forces its way into the warp.
The trip is estimated to take about two days, given Tempest's proximity to Ix. However,it doesn't feel like two days. It feels like days stretching into weeks stretching into months. >And once again I forgot to give insanity. While Wazgor reads the greasy Codex Astartes, 'Eadmangla fiddles with the drone he looted, and Kroz cranks out upgrades for guns because he can, the rest of da boyz keep themselves entertained with one-sided grot vs gaunt battles ft. face- eater squig. Grakgut and Wurrza head to the painbay and begin orkifying the rest of the Rambisaurs. They successfully orkify one, and turn another into a dedicated loot-hauler. Wurrza and Grakgut consider further enhancements, such as a dakka-specced Rambisaurus or even a Psy Familiar.
Finally appearing over the stormy world of Tempest, the Kill Team can see the space hulk Wisdom of Ackbar hovering silently over it. It appears more Rokk than Ship, off visual observations. Both Kroz and 'Eadmangla can pick out some suitable landing spots, some small enough for the Last Danca, some capable of docking da Looted Krooza to. Da boyz are clamoring for the larger of the bunch.
Kroz successfully manages to dock Krooza to the side of the Space Hulk. The doors explode open as thousands of Orks pour onto the hulk. Surprisingly, the Kill Team can see Uzgob head in with a number of the boyz.
"Oi, Uzgob. Wots yer plan?" asks Kroz. "Lootin' fingz, boss! Oi need sum stuff!" replies Uzgob. "Dats Gud, dats Gud. Oi, keep an eye out fer rokkits. Iz gunna need a lots." "Hurr hurr, roight. Me too. I'z split it if we foind sum!" "An' lemme know if ya see any witchy gitz out dere." says Wurrza. "Roight, boss." says Uzgob as he leads his mek-teams into the hulk.
Eadmangla takes point, and sneaks deeper into the hulk. He can hear the random shooting of da boyz as they stomp their way through their section of the hulk. "Oy, 'Eadmangla, why you ain't big an' nobby yet?" asks Wazgor. "Dunno. But oi'z ded sneaky dis way." shrugs 'Eadmangla over the vox.
"Wut betta way ta charge inta a trap den ta TANK MODE!" yells Grakgut as he transforms into tank mode, and gathers the rest of the kill team.
As Grakgut tonka tuffs through the hulk, da boyz hanging off him, Wurrza rides his Rambisaur SkullMuncha while scanning with his brain, and 'Eadmangla sneaks through the ducts, they all converge at one point - one point with a glowing blue light.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant.
Kroz starts off by trying and failing to acquire a shitton of rokkitz. The rest of the Kill Team does better. Grakgut acquires ship repairs. Wurrza manages to get a psychically attuned grapnel. Wazgor picks up a stylish ballistic duster. 'Eadmangla gets a Drone Constructor Interface, so he can use his drone easily.
As a team, they decide to upgrade their shields. They manage to get a box of good-quality Iron Halo Boss Poles, with PR 50, and in decorative colors. Each member of the kill team takes their color (Black, Blue, Red, Green, and Silver, I believe), and adjusts their new shields.
"Enjoy, stranger, heh heh heh..." says the Merchant as he walks around a corner.
The kill team then makes awareness. While most of them make it, Wazgor, who has spent thousands of XP and multiple acquisitions to boost his perception, still fails it at first. Listening through the darkness, Wazgor, 'Eadmangla, and Grakgut hear something echo through the halls. It appears to be a woman screaming.
"Skreamin' 'umie. Musta run inta da traps." says Grakgut. "Uh... Iz dat gud fer us or bad fer us?" asks Kroz. Grakgut listens closer, and determines the scream to be one of terror. "Gud fer us. Let'z rokk." yells Grakgut, engaging Tank Mode.
'Eadmangla hops back into the vents, heading toward the source of the sound. Grakgut begins driving off with the rest of the party. 'Eadmangla begins to approach another vent exit. He can see it leads to a large room. Peering in, he sees a woman curled up screaming. Next to her are five skeletons. 'Eadmangla undoes the vent, and sneaks down.
Meanwhile, Grakgut, Wurrza, Wazgor, and Kroz are approaching 'Eadmangla's position at 18 m/s. They see a large sealed door in front of them. It is large and sealed. "Dis door be large n' sealed." notes Grakgut. Kroz fires a plasma blast at the door, in time for Grakgut to knock softly and annihilate the door. 'Eadmangla reunites with the kill team, and all turn to the woman on the ground.
"Oh, Inquisitor Doggfather sent space marines!" she cries, "I knew he wouldn't forget us!" "Uh, 'ello." says Grakgut. "I got locked in here trying to find a way out. " she says, "I'm Adept Lydia." "Iz Kroz Rubbykonzes. Bigmek of da Deffwotch. We'ze ridin' Boss Apothicurry Grakgut." says Kroz, distracting the Adept long enough for Grakgut to loot the five skeletons. "Where are yer otha boyz?" asks Grakgut. "The other acolytes are dead. I got separated from them, then I heard their screams!" says the Adept. Grakgut then picks up the adept and does medicae to determine damage, which involves lots of poking with a mechadendrite and vigorous shaking to make sure one's bitz are all there. "Noble Space Marines, now that you're here, we can finish our mission! We need to head to the Datatorium and get that information!" says the Adept, slightly dizzy.
Meanwhile, 'Eadmangla pulls over Wurrza. "Oy, sumfin' ain't roight 'bout dis. Betta keep ya third eye out." whispers 'Eadmangla. "Yeah..." replies Wurrza. 'Eadmangla then continues back into the vents, sneaking around.
"Da Wizdum of Akbar sounds like dat fing da Black Pantherz woz smokin. Dat stuff grow on dis 'ulk?" asks Kroz. "Not quite, Astartes. This hulk is known for its Datatorium, where a lot of information is held," says Lydia, "And we were told it would have info on the Lector problem." This sets the Kill Team into rage mode. "The Datatorium is in the front of the hulk! That way!" points the adept. "An' yer shure dat derez no traps?" asks Grakgut. "I can't say. We never reached it before....before..." she looks to be breaking down. "Before wut?" presses Grakgut. "Before everyone was slaughtered." sighs the Adept, "I don't know. First everyone was fine, but then the screaming and the blood and..." The adept begins to cry. Wurrza psychically scans her brain, and sees great fear. Grakgut, confused, attempts common lore Imperium, and succeeds. Imperial lore calls this "stupid girly stuff." "Ah!" yells Grakgut in revelation, "So dis iz wut a "girl" iz! Deyz wear dressez, soz deyz da tuffest uv da 'umiez! Dis must be dere WAAAAAGH!" Everyone jumps onto Grakgut and begins tonka tuffing towards the Datatorium. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbDNXwC0oGI
'Eadmangla, having a head start of about 15 minutes of navigating the vents, comes across a large glowing room filled with cogitators.
The datatorium. The vent gives easily enough, and 'Eadmangla approaches the lines of cogitators. He looks around, and deems nothing to be demanding of his attention, so he starts pushinh random buttons. The cogitator starts talking. It seems to be reciting information about hive city architecture. After about 5 minutes, the cogitator stops talking. "Eadmangla now has a basic understanding of hive city architecture.
"Hurr hurr, dis fing iz fun." says 'Eadmangla.
Before he can press another button, however, the rest of the Kill Team slams through the door.
"Oy, we'ze 'ere." states Grakgut. "Yes. Allow me to move the information, and we'll be good." she says as she pulls out a dataslate and moves to the central cogitator bank.
Kroz takes up a defensive position, expecting an ambush at any time. "Keep yer gubbinz open, we'ze gonna get lekterz soon 'nuff probably." he says as he sets up guns. Grakgut takes out the skeletons, and starts a puppet show. Wazgor picks his nose while 'Eadmangla and Wurrza sift through the cogitators, listening to some and grabbing others. 'Eadmangla is watching the Adept carefully.
After a moment, "All right, Astartes, the data is here." Adept Lydia holds up a dataslate. Kroz verifies that all the data has been moved, and downloads a copy to his own cybork bitz. He passes the dataslate to 'Eadmangla.
"Oi. Wen we git back ta da Krooza, ya gotta show us 'ow deze 'dressez' is sposed ta werk." says Grakgut. "Of course, noble Astartes." says Lydia.
Grakgut begins to grab the kill team, as 'Eadmangla begins climbing up a vent. He motions to it, telling Lydia to head in first. However, as his back is turned, he suddenly feels something burn into his back. Plasma.
The Kill Team can hear Adept Lydia...laughing. "HAHA! 'ERE'S DA TRAP!" yells Grakgut excitedly. "WOT I SAY? TOLD YA!" laughs Kroz.
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! You know, you should never trust strangers, Deathwatch! This is gonna be fun!" she yells as her form changes from a human to a vaguely chitinous insectoid form.
A Lacrymole. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SySV9xBU6M
The Kill Team naturally begins opening fire in every possible direction, mostly at the Lacrymole, however. After a shot from 'Eadmangla and a psychic barrage from Wurrza, Lacrymole Lydia charges Grakgut. This wouldn't norbally be a problem, except for the fact she transformed into a Carnifex. While Grakgut's shield saves him, the Kill Team needs to focus their fire into it to bring it down. Wurrza, however, decides now is a great time to push, and gets Shadow in the Warp. While some of the Kill Team takes insanity, something else happens.
Skullmuncha frenzies. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAhDE5ZAHhk
Wurrza is now along for the ride as Skullmuncha drives headlong into the carnifex and Grakgut, stumbling them and forcing another transformation into a Chaos Mehreen Raptor. Now it's flying around shooting plasma everywhere. The kill team continues firing at it, as it shifts forms again, this time into a swarm of Scarabs. Wazgor fires his blast weapons into it, which brings on the next transformation. If there was any doubt to this thing's loyalties, they were dispelled once the transformation into a daemonic Logician was completed. Wurrza fires his psygrapnel into it, now dragging it in every direction as Skullmuncha is freaking the fuck out. As it's dragged, it fires lightning in every direction, and while Wazgor manages to duck most of the damage, "Eadmangla takes a catastrophic 55 damage hit. As the Logician takes critical damage and begins sinking, it transforms once again into an XV-8 battlesuit, laying down heavy firepower at the kill team. However, Heavy Weapons and Power Klaws win the day as the XV-8 battlesuit destabilizes, and the Lacrymole takes her original form again. Wurrza psygrapnels her, but she attempts one last shot with her plasma pistol.
Which overheats.
And fries her.
"Silly Garo, yer lettin' yourself go..." laughs Wurrza.
The lacrymole falls dead, its arm smoking and plasma pistol steaming. Skullmuncha finally calms down.
Grakgut grabs the body, intent on turning it into octocamo or something back on the ship.
The datatorium stands ruined otherwise. The voxcaster starts blaring. "Awroight boss!" yells Uzgob, "Oi got wot oi need! I'z 'eadin' back to da krooza." "Wot ya got?" asks Kroz. "Kan't tell ya, boss! Izza sekrit!" replies Uzgob. "Yoo tryin' ta 'ide sumfin'?" asks Grakgut. "It ain't done, boss. When da fing's done, i'z show it off!" states Uzgob. "....Bettah be gud." mumbles Wazgor. "Hurr hurr...betta be good 'e sez..." chuckles Uzgob as the vox ends.
The Kill Team decides to head back to the Krooza. Kroz takes a look through the information. Some stuff stands out. Bits of information about a world called Nogred...
...and something called a Logitech. The Kill Team recognizes the world - it's pretty close by, relatively. Reaching the Krooza, da boyz are moving cords and chains and pipes and 'eavy rokkitz around.
"UZGOB, WARM UP DA ENJINZ, WEEZE WARPIN' ROIGHT BACK OUT!" yells Kroz. "Roight, boss." replies Uzgob. "All warmed up for you, boss." says Clarence, pulling up in his buggy, "Hop on." Ah! Clarence!" says Grakgut. "Wut do ya know 'bout girl 'umiez?" "Ha. Now there's a question, boss." says Clarence, "and even in this day and age, nobody has the answer to that one." "So wot iz dis fing?" asks Wazgor, pointing at the dead Lacrymole. "Whyz 'umiez all soft an' pink, but da girlz iz all 'ard an' kan turn ta dakka?" asks Grakgut. "Women think differently than you or I." says Clarence as he looks down, "though I can say that that's a Xeno, and thus all that needs to be done is to krump them." "So dis ain't a 'umie?" asks Grakgut. "It impersonates one, but isn't a human one, no." says Clarence, "though if you have more questions, I'm in the space between the painbay and the mekbay."
The Kill Team reaches the bridge, where Kroz connects to Krooza. Wazgor heads to the kitchen, and prepares to eat the bitz of the Lacrymole that Grakgut no longer needs.
"SETTIN' BITZ FER NOGRED. WEZE GUNNA TAKE DOWN DIS LOGITEK!" yells Kroz, "ALL KREW, GET READY FER WARP FUNNY BITZ. WE GOTS A PLANET FULL OF LEKTERS TA TAKE ON!" Sustained by the Waaaagh of da boyz, Da Looted Krooza enters the warp with a resounding crashing sound.
CHAPTER 18
Leaving the Spess Hulk Wisdom of Ackbar behind, da Looted Krooza enters the Warp with a grinding sound. Wurrza peers outside with his mind, and feels various entities outside. The trip is expected for three days, and during those three days, da Looted Krooza's searchy gubbinz pick up numerous signals of ships. But when the krew looks out, they don't see anything.
ITZ DEM! DEM! HAHAHHA! WAAAAAAAGH!" yells Kroz elatedly, "ALL KREW, FIRE AT WILL!" Krooza's guns light up in all directions.
Meanwhile, Wazgor goes to see Uzgob's speshul projekt. "Uzgob!" yells Wazgor, "Wot're ya workin' on?" "Kan't tell ya, boss! Izza sekrit!" says Uzgob, "It ain't ready yet.' However, from observation, Wazgor can see numerous chains and wires attached to full-on rokkit engines, spread randomly through the ship. "Where can I look fer mo' kroozas?" asks Wazgor. "Kroozas? Gotta eitha loot'em or trick da 'umies inta givin' ya some." ponders Uzgob, "Kuld build yer own, but dat takes real long."
Wurrza tries psyniscience to determine more info on the ships outside. While he gets the idea that something is retreating from the storm of dakka, exactly what and in which direction is lost to him.
Meanwhile, as Kroz begins upgrading weapons with new designs that magically appeared in his head (thanks to Hostile Acquisitions), 'Eadmangla is upset for some reason. After punching out his door, Wazgor comes up to him.
"You mad, 'Eadmangla?" he asks. "YEAH, I'M ZOGGIN' MAD!" he yells. "'E'Z MUCKIN' ABOUT-T-T-T..." echoes a voice in the vents from very far away. 'Eadmangla, enraged, pilots his drone into the vents and blasts through grots in his way before cornering one. "Owi, which of you gits said oi wuz muckin' about?!" demands 'Eadmangla. "Da Voice!" the terrified grot yells, "IT EATS US!" 'Eadmangla and Wazgor now redouble their efforts to find Skarfang's head, reasoning that if he eats enough grots he may regrow his body. Three days of searching, however, turns up nothing.
Meanwhile, in the Painbay, Grakgut and Wurrza attempt to make a bloodhound rambisaur for assisting in the search. While Grakgut succeeds in his medicae, and wurrza succeeds in his mental reprogramming, the rambisaur does not survive the procedure, exploding and showering the painbay with giblets and gubbinz.
"Bah!" mutters Grakgut, "OI KAN'T ZAPP DIS BACK TO LOIFE! "So...who'ze up fer dinner?" asks Wurrza. "DIS IZ WOT OI NEED!" yells Wazgor, who rushes down to the kitchens, and tosses the rambisaur bitz into a stew with the leftover trygon bitz, though oddly enough ensures the meal is kosher. "OI 'AVE MADE DA PERFEKT DISH." declares Wazgor. As the krew enjoys the rambitrygon stew, Grakgut fattens up a grot, breaks his arms and legs, and leaves him as a box-trap for SKarfang's Head. All it catches at the moment, though, are roving packs of face-eater squigs.
The following day, Krooza exits the warp over the world of Nogred. It appears to be a developing world, mostly military. Only a few hive complexes and whatnot. "TENSHUN ALL KREW! DA LOOTED KROOZA IS APPROACHIN LOGITEK, LEKTERZ, GARO- GUBBINZ. KRUMPIN WIF DA MOST EKSTREEM OF PREJ UH, NOT LIKIN DIS, AWAITS!" yells Kroz as Krooza takes orbit. The comms are initially silent. Suddenly, they light up. "Space Marines?" says a voice, "To what do we owe this honor?" "Uhhh...." Grakgut thinks fast, "ITZ SUMWUNZ BIRFDAY!" "We'ze also lookin' fer a git named Garo." says Wazgor. "Dat too!" adds Grakgut "We brought balloons!." "We gotta purge any Lekterz an' 'eresy wif dakka an' steel!" says Wurrza. "Garo? Lectors? I can't say I've heard of such things." says the voice, "None of the personnel here have that name." "UH...DEN DAT MEANZ WE GOTTA INSPEKT YER ROKK, AN' CLEANZE DA ASSUMPTIONS OF HAIRASEE FROM DA REKERDZ OF YOUZE WERLD. declares Kroz." "An-an inspection?" stutters the voice, "Of course, Deathwatch! The Planetary Governor himself will meet you!" "Wot're ya doin', ya git!?" whispers Grakgut, "If we sez weze 'ere ta be zoggin' 'eretikz den da 'eretikz gonna run away!" "GUD." continues Kroz, "ONE KWICK KWESHTUN...IZ'E FAT?" "Uh, no. Our Governor is actually quite on the small side, but we don't talk about that." says the voice, which cuts out.
The Kill Team heads to the vat of sister blood, and starts tossing their weapons and Boldo in. Grakgut gets party supplies, and Kroz gift-wraps the plasma pistol from the Lacrymole. The ride down is pretty calm. The kill Team passes over canyons and mesas before arriving at a green valley of the planetary command. The Last Danca comes to a stop on one of the landing pads. Boldo flies out, and begins chirping annoyance at the dryness of the air. "Skooire Boldo. Ya gots ta get used to dem fings. Sum foights iz just not in da gud place." Boldo chirps.
The Kill Team sees a small armed guard approach the runway. They get into position. The planetary governor approaches. "'APPY BIRFDAY!" yells Grakgut, popping his party horn with the loudener upgrade. "Good afternoon. I am Planetary Governor Maximus Huge." the man says.
He is four feet tall.
"AZ DA EMPRUH STATES; DA PROPA ROAST IZ BOTH A PERFECT FIT TO, AND A CAUSE FOR, CELEBRATION!" says Kroz. "It's so nice to see people remember my birthday!" says Governor Maximus, "And for Space Marines! Truly, the Emperor smiles upon me!" "It'z kustomary fer one havin' his birfday ta ride da biggest spess mehreen around!" says 'Eadmangla. Kroz presents the governor with his giftwrapped plasma pistol, and Wazgor gives him some stew. "IN DA NAME OF DA EMPRAH, YOUZE MUST TAKE DIS SMALL TOKEN OF 'IS WRATH, DAT HIZ ENEMEEZ BURN IN DA FIRES OF 'IS SUN." "A Plasma Pistol! Well, perhaps a celebration is in order then." says Governor Maximus, "Please, we can celebrate in the Celebration Hall. And then we can discuss what brings you out here. After all, the comms officer mentioned someone named Garo."
Governor Maximus Huge brings the Kill Team to a big celebration hall. Alcohol and food begins flowing freely. "So, Deathwatch," says Governor Maximus, "Tell me about this Garo. Has he turned from the Emperor's Light?" "Yup." says Grakgut. "Dat git has logik so zogged, it dun make no sense, 'cept fer da warp." adds Kroz. "'e'z an agent of Kayoss." agrees Wazgor. "'E dun seem ta worship ANY godz though. If 'e wuz regula kayoss, we'd 'ave 'im by now." says 'Eadmangla. "Dis Garo claims ta be logic an' reason, yet 'is ecksploits cause the reality ta muck up." concludes Wurrza. "I see. That truly is bad. Well, I can say I have seen no signs of heresy on my watch. My men are God Emperor-fearing, and purge such things as they see them." says the Governor, "Would you like to see?" "Sure!" yells Grakgut. Wurrza scans around with psyniscience. While the Planetary Governor most assuredly dings pure, he can't seem to see much beyond that. "Excellent! I think the men will be motivated by seeing some Astartes!" says Governor Maximus.
"Afta da show, Oi kuld ficks yer littel problem." says Grakgut. "What little problem?" asks Governor Maximus. "We noticed ya lack a serten.... oh how do ya put it...presance." says 'Eadmangla. "Presence? I can assure you I can walk tall among the best of them!" says Governor Maximus. "Uh, fergive da Battle Brothaz, dey'z been fightin', uh, orkz an' forgot 'ow ta be PROPPA." sighs Wazgor, glaring at the kill team.
Grakgut distributes balloon squigs and party favors during the tour. "As you can see, noble Astartes, my men train all day every day for excursions that threaten us." He points at a bunch of guardsmen training. "Wot kind uv threat?" asks Grakgut. "Zeenoz, witchez, 'ereticz, gitz..." lists Kroz. "Mainly wildlife, pirates, and reavers. We must defend our homes." states the Governor. "Wot kinda reaverz?" asks 'Eadmangla. "Space pirates, mainly. They never put up more than a token fight. Our few Mechanicus divisions reconsecrate what tech they desecrate." He points to some techpriests.
While most of the Mechanicus acknowledge the Kill Team and salute them, Grakgut notices one just standing there looking at them. He sheds a single tear before going back to work. Grakgut walks closer, and the techpriest runs off, screeching in binary. "Is there a problem, Astartes?" asks another techpriest. "Why wuz dat tekkpriest all waaaghin'?" asks Grakgut. "Technomat Robo-Bob must have had a long day, Astartes. Maybe he overloaded from wonder at your sacred archeotech." says the techpriest. "Yah, sumwun should go check on'im. 'e musta 'ad a bad day." says 'Eadmangla. "Indeed. Long and hard. What is profane, we make holy. It is very rare our services are needed, but we do our part for the Omnissiah." says the techpriest. "So wot iz it ya do 'zaktly? I wanna know everyfing." says Kroz. "Of course. It's quite simple. We have this pistol we liberated, for instance." the techpriest points to a pistol, "Just say a prayer, ring the bell, and bam! Purified in the Omnissiah's name." says the techpriest. "Wot about makin' dakka mo' shooty, or choppaz mo' rippy an' everyfing?" "Such a design must be submitted to Mars, and if the Omnissiah approves, which could take millennia, the design is okay. Such experimentation, however, is frowned upon." says the techpriest. "Iz dere a way ta make yer shoota mo' shooty wifout zoggin' da fing?" asks 'Eadmangla. "I couldn't say," says the Techpriest, "These mysteries are beyond me at the moment." "Well, Astartes, the mysteries of the Techpriests are truly something to behold. Might we continue?" says the Governor. "Okay." says the Kill Team.
"As you can see," the Governor points to some training Arbiters, "Even our Arbiter force trains long and hard to protect this world." The Governor turns a corner. "And our Milita a-WHAT IN THE GOD-EMPEROR'S NAME HAPPENED HERE?" Turning the corner shows blood, viscera, and assorted gubbinz everywhere. The Governor is standing in brain. "Did sumwun make breakfast 'ere?" asks Grakgut. "'kourse not. Dere'z no salt 'ere." says Wazgor. Grakgut determines that these bodies were killed in a variety of ways - some were cut apart, some burned, and some were exploded. "Da Kodex Astartiz does not support dis akshun..." mutters Kroz. "Looks like dis kase needs ta be..." *puts on shades* "pieced togetha." says Wurrza. "ZOGGIT, WURRZA!" yells Wazgor. "Astartes, I must return to my office and rally the guard!" yells Governor Maximus. "Roight! We'll eskort ya dere!" yells Grakgut. A sudden explosion rocks the air. It looked like it came from the Arbiter training grounds.
'Eadmangla and Grakgut escort the Planetary Governor up to his command center, while the rest of the Kill Team head to the Arbiter Grounds, now a pool of giblets to rival the militia giblets. "Stay klose." says 'Eadmangla. "Right, Astartes." says the Governor. He reaches a terminal and begins punching information. He appears to be rallying the Guard. However, 'Eadmanga and Grakgut notice something - something important enough to call over the rest of the Kill Team.
A blue light.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant. "Dis aint da best time, but betta late den nevva." replies 'Eadmangla.
Kroz sets his sights on a Chronal Energizer, but fails, as does Grakgut's attempt at Lathe-Forging. Wazgor's attempt goes better, getting a sack of Lathe- Forged scrap he adds to his armor. 'Eadmangla gets a Long Range Auspex, and Wurrza gets Aether Wave-Spars, perhaps his best purchase yet. For the Last Danca, they pick up a KFF.
"Enjoy, stranger, heh heh heh..." the Merchant says as he walks through a door.
Grakgut grabs the rest of the kill team, and drives full-stop towards the next plot point. The Kill Team's Auspexes are picking up sudden energy surges outside, roughly where the guardsmen were training. "Dis way!" yells Kroz. "Dat way!" yells Grakgut. "Astartes, it's some way!" yells Governor Maximus over the vox, "Please solve the problem!" "Some Way? Wot. We gots sum killin ta do if ya dun mind." replies Kroz. Wurrza scans outside, and feels nothing but raw Warp Essence outside. Reaching the outside, it actually does appear to be raw warp outside. "GORK AN' MORK...DA STORM OF CHAOS IS 'ROUND!" says Wurrza. "Try ta catch some o'da warp! I wanna cook it!" yells Wazgor.
As the Kill Team standa there, staring at the encircling Warp Storm, a series of explosions rock the surroundings as something flies past at supersonic speeds. It circles around, and as it gets within about 100m, the Kill Team can make it out. What looks like a cross between a Basilisk War Droid and a Stealth Jetfighter screeches toward the Kill Team, weapons active. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPatJtxDC9A
The Logitech Slayer Engine engages its turbo-engines, clearing nearly 70 meters in seconds and unloading a fusillade of fire, including plasma cannons, rockets, and flame, lighting 'Eadmangla on fire and scattering the Kill Team. The players fire back, but its dual-layer shields, heavy armor, and incredible toughness make hits that would destroy most other things simply make it flinch. The Kill Team even calls Skwad Mode, dropping a rokk on the thing, but after low damage rolls, the rokk, seemingly made of marshmallows, only minorly squishes into the thing. After a turn of fire, the Logitech crashes into melee combat with Grakgut, wounding him slightly with Warp Weapons due to poor rolls. The sky also begins raining acid, beginning to break down the players' armor. Its Fear 3 also causes Wurrza to stumble a bit, and Grakgut to stand there shellshocked. More concentrated fire breaks through its shields, and causes the thing to take to the skies again. The Kill Team can hear it make this mechanical grinding noise almost like laughing. After more plasma and a concussion missile that stunned Wazgor, it was Wurrza's psychic barrage that finally caused the Logitech to destabilize and crash, blowing up in a plasmatic explosion.
Oddly enough, the Kill Team can see a bit of wreckage, though most of the internal bitz are sucked into the warp. The Warpstorm begins to dissipate, and the planet's star shines a clear day.
"Heh. Loot dis time!" says Wurrza.
Picking through the wreckage, Kroz and 'Eadmangla note that while most of the weapons are gone, there's enough bitz to piece back together the missile launcher it was using. It appears to be some sort of Evil Cyclone Missile Launcher. The players resolve to toss it into the Sister Vat to purify it, then disassemble it and build more.
"Astartes!" yells Governor Maximus, "Are you okay?" "Yup." says Grakgut. "Neva betta." says Wazgor. 'Eadmangla is crumpled on the ground from the fire. "Dun worry, Governa" says Kroz, "Da fing wot krumped yer boyz iz dedder da a ded fing." "Those explosions would have killed lesser men!" he yells, "What was that thing?" "One o' Garo's fings. Logik gone bad." says Kroz, "Not Da Empruh's Logik, nor da Wizdum of da Cod Decks. Bad Logick. Like if youze drinkin sand." "It'z 'eresy." says Wurrza.
Boldo, meanwhile, is nibbling on the Cyclone Launcher.
"Now dat weze got sum toime fer stuffs..." starts Grakgut, "'owza bout a medikal proceeja on ya, Govnah?" "Medical? I don't feel sick." says the Governor. "Yes yoo iz. Yooze small, an' dat iz da werst kinda sick!" says Governor Maximus. "Small! I beg your pardon!" says the Governor indignantly. "Big challenged den." sighs Grakgut. "AS DA EMPRUH SEZ: DA CHOSEN WOK SHUD BE AS MIGHTY AS ITS WIELDER. YOU'ZE GUNNA NEED A BIGGA BODY CUZ YOUZE DA BOSS AN YOUZE GOTS TA BE DA BIGGEST." adds Kroz, trying to salvage the situation. "C'mon! Whatcha gotta lose?" smiles Grakgut with a big toothy grin, "Its yer birfday!" "Hmm...You make a good point, Astartes. I will give this a try." sighs Governor Maximus.
The Kill Team makes their way back to the Krooza, and rush the Governor to the Painbay, throwing tarps on the squigs they pass along the way. Grakgut assembles a cocktail of chemicals. He gives him the nob stew, injects him with the nob stew, replace his appendix with nob stew. It takes about an hour. The surgery BARELY succeeds. "Wot da zog iz dis fing fer?" says Grakgut examining the appendix. It's an appendix. It is small. "DIS IZ DA SMALLNESS GLAND!" yells Grakgut, enfuriated, "'UMIEZ KULD BE 'UGE IF DEY DIDN'T 'AVE DIS!" He proceeds to crush the appendix. After a bit, the Governor wakes up. "Oh my. Is it over, Apothecary?" Governor Maximus Huge asks. "Dis'll take sum toime, soz oi wants ya ta kall us in 3 weekz an' tell me 'ow yooze doin', kay?" says Grakgut. "Of course, Apothecary." stutters Governor Maximus, "I...must be getting back to my work, Astartes. Thank you for your efforts.' he says. "Oi! Dun't lukk so sad!" says Grakgut, as he tapes stilts to the Governor, "Dere ya go."
As one of da boyz takes the Governor to a Rokk Pod, da rest of da boyz move the loot. 'Eadmangla is upset that nobody helped him when he was on fire, Wazgor goes to prepare his latest culinary...thing, Kroz heads back to da Mekbridge, Wurrza continues fiddling with his Aetherbitz, and Grakgut continues mixing stuff in the painbay.
CHAPTER 19
Krooza holds steady above the world of Nogred. Governor Maximus Huge has just taken a rokk pod down. As the Logitech Launcher is brought to the Mekbridge, the Skanna Jamma starts beeping again. Pieces fall off as the message is transferred to Krooza for perusal.
"Oy, get dat. I'z busy." says Kroz. Wazgor jets over and smashes the button. Bringing up the message, he can hear a familiar voice. "Word up, word up, Catalyst Station, we got ourselves a problem." says Inquisitor Doggfather, "Orks." "No gitz's betta at foightin' Orks den da Deffwotch..." Wurrza smirks. "The Orks of Mezzigo have constructed something, a big-ass ground based cannon that can shell other planets." says Doggfather, "We lost an observation post on a nearby moon thanks to it." "Otha...planets?" stutters Kroz. "We'ze gonna loot dis kannon!" yells Wurrza. "A Ground attack is impossible, but I dispatched some Navy forces in the meantime." the message continues, "That cannon's gotta go, and I know that Deathwatch team can handle it. Send'em immediately, yo." The recording ends. Numerous grot riggers begin trying to reattach the bitz that fell off to the Skanna Jamma.
"Oi, Kroz. Where we 'eadin'?" asks Grakgut. "Uh... Wotever dat place woz. I'z busy. Sum'un else do da button." says Kroz. Grakgut and Wazgor both simultaneously pelvic-thrust the button, sending Krooza into the warp.
As Krooza enters the warp, it's expected to take two days of travel. Wazgor decides to make a revelation. "You gitz gonna hate me when ya learn who oi am." says Wazgor. "IZ YOU GARO?" asks Kroz. "Iz you loot?" asks Wurrza. "No, ya gits, I'z a Blood Axe." says Wazgor. "...oh. Eh. Oi dun't care. You'ze gots lotsa gud bitz oi moight need." says Grakgut. "Jus' make sure we loot dat kannon." says Kroz.
It is unknown if this is the reaction Wazgor was expecting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPPNpLx8EAA
As Krooza enters the warp, the first day starts normally enough. Kroz begins working on something, until he notices his arm. Or, should I say, armrest. Kroz is a sofa.
"YOU GITS DIDN'T 'IT DA BUTTON ROIGHT!" Kroz yells angrily. Grakgut hops around in his sofa form, eating grots, which have turned into yarn balls. Wazgor the rocket-powered La-z-boy flies around the launch bays, not caring. 'Eadmangla the love-seat continues the search for Skarfang with Dak the Yarnball. Wurrza the beanbag chair flops around using his psy powers. A balloon floats by, chirping.
"DIS AIN'T ORKY AT ALL! I'Z ALL SOFT AN' COMFY AN I'Z DUN MEAN ME CHAIR!" yells Grakgut.
As the days comes to a close, and the Reality Erosion restabilizes, the Kill Team can get actual work done. While 'Eadmangla and Wazgor continue combing the vents for Skarfang, and Wurrza considers the strange question of Daemonhosts, Grakgut decides to get outfitted. Heading to Kroz, he gets a set of big shootas and a plasma cannon mounted to him, as well as sticking grots there to use them. However, one of the shoota sponsons falls off.
"Uh... Youze really left.. uh... treads. yeah. Kan try again later, but fer now you'ze gotta, um... wear down dat roight bit of armer dere or it dun stick, yeah!" says Kroz hastily. "Uh, 'kay." says Grakgut, who rolls off to test his new gunners, dressing them in red shirts and sticking them on the Plasma Cannon.
The third day, Krooza exits the warp, leaving a small trail of fabric behind. The Kill Team looks upon Mezzigo, a mountainous jungle world. "So dere be mo' boyz 'ere?" asks Grakgut. "It'z a proppa place ta build..." says Wurrza.
Numerous ork ships are holding position around the world. While they have clearly seen the Kill Team, they don't fire. They think the Kill Team is a part of the fleet. However, the Kill Team can see a steady stream of bommas and whatnot heading to the surface of the planet, towards one jungle area. There appear to be explosions rocking the surface in that area.
"Roight. So all we gotta do is, uh...um..." Kroz falters. "Why we stoppin' a Waaaaagh anyway?" asks Wurrza. "Hm. Wundah wut deze boyz is foightin'..." says Grakgut, "Let'z kall'em! Remembah to call Kollekt so they spend da teef!" Grakgut punches the number into Wurrza's brain, and he sends the message down.
"OI! DIS IS DA LOOTED KROOZA, WE'ZE ALL FOIGHTY AN STUFF. WOTS DA FOIGHT DOWN'ERE?" says Kroz. "Lotsa 'umies! WOt're ya waitin' fer? Get stuck in!" yells a voice over the voxcaster. "'umies? Wait..." starts Kroz. "Oi, wherez da warboss?" asks Grakgut. "'e'z sittin' on top o' da Shandaleer!" the ork says. "'ow big iz 'e?" asks Grakgut. "'e'z big enuff! So quit muckin' about!" the ork says, annoyed. "Ahaha!" laughs Grakgut, "Bet 'e ain't bigga den me!" "Say dat to da boss an' see wot 'appens!" the ork yells. "Hm. Letz foind dis 'Shandaleer', an' krump dat boss!" says Grakgut enthusiastically. "But which of da boyz iz we supposed ta 'elp?" asks Kroz. "Dunno. Let'z krump ev'ryone 'till we figure it out!" declares Grakgut.
Everyone rushes toward da Last Danca. "Lookz loike dis iz gunna rekquire sum logik." says Grakgut, "Da warboss iz where da most foightin' iz! So letz go to dat place!" "Now dat'z logik oi kan get behind!" says Wurrza. "But wots a Shandaleer?" asks Kroz.
As the Kill Team boards da Last Danca, they see Uzgob. "Oy, boss!" yells Uzgob. He's holding a metal box. "yeah, Uzgob?" asks Wazgor. "Dat komputah kalled deze fings 'SODs,'" says Uzgob, "Oi put a bunch on ya bomma!" Uzgob begins to head out. "Rokk'em wif yer new Sod-offs!" says Uzgob.
>SOD: Stand-Off Dispenser. Releases a cluster of bomblets over a large range. Roll Ballistic skill, and determine Degrees of Success. The SOD Does that many hits to GROUND TARGETS ONLY, allocated by the firer. Hits are 3d10+10 Pen 10 with a range of 400m.
Boldo flies in, chirping.
Da Last Danca rokkits out of the launch bay, followed by da rest of da boyz in their fightas and bommas. "Form up 'round da leada, boyz! We'ze got a lot'o fasta ta be doin!" yells Kroz.
Da boyz respond with an enthusiastic WAAAAAAAGH!
Breaking atmosphere, the Kill Team sees a battle between Ork fightas an Inquisitorial Air Forces. Flying further in, they see something too huge to be missed.
A Cannon. The size of a battleship. It is currently aimed at the sky. It's propped up by tons of scrap and whatnot.
"Aye, dere'z da rub. Wot it'z betta ta be krumpin da 'umiez like gud an propa orks, or, by protektin, end'em." Something flies by close to da Last Danca. "Deathwatch! Glad you could make it!" Walrus says from his Marauder AWACS, "This fight's as good as ours now!" "Welp, dat solves dat problem!" yells Grakgut. "Gud ta see ya, Walrus. We'ze gonna get da Krooza ta pick up dat gun." says Kroz. "Well, not sure how you'll do that, considering its size." says Walrus, "Though no doubt it would be of use to the MEchanicus." "Leave dat ta us, boss!" says Pliskin over the vox, a rokk pod streaking through the sky.
"Well den. All systemz nominal. Wot foights ya gots fer us?" asks Kroz. "This weapon can fire shots that can hit planets. It's all but invincible to a frontal assault, but we've discovered a weakness!" says Walrus. Walrus transmits some targetting data. "The Greenskins have placed the cooling towers on the outside of it!" Walrus continues, "There are six, and heavily defended. We need to take those out!" "Da Cookbook Astartiz sez...uh..." Grakgut pages through the Codex, "Wot do oi look fer in da Table o' contentz?" "Dis a big foight, Grakgut, so check da bits on roasts." says Kroz. "I'll be providing AWACS as needed, Deathwatch!" says Walrus, "We're glad you're here." "Any otha gubbinz we need ta dakka?" says Wurrza. "Once the primary cooling towers are gone, the secondary cooling tower will be revealed. That's all I know at the moment."
Kroz pulls da Last Danca into a steep dive towards da Shandaleer, and guns the engines. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muaIrJtifDw
Da Last Danca opens fire with everything it has at the enemy fighta bommaz and anti-aircraft emplacements. Wazgor uses the SODs to maximum effectiveness while Wurrza, "Eadmangla, and Grakgut cover with the Reapa Autokannon turrets. Kroz finally fires the ADMM system installed a while ago, causing da Last Danca to engage a roll as a series of missile pods appear from the Danca's wings and underside, and firing 12 missiles in all directions at the enemy.
>ADMM: All-Direction Multiple-Purpose Missile
The Kill-Team is also slightly confused by Walrus's updates. While they determined FOX to be a code for rokkitz, and GUNS to be pretty self-explanatory, they couldn't figure out "DRIVE" when the ADMMs were fired.
"OI! Why're ya yellin' DROIVE so much dis toime?" asks Grakgut. "Walrus Likes dat game wif da squig and tryin ta hit it into da little hole real far on da grass." replies Kroz. "Oi didn't know 'umies 'ad squiggolf!" says Grakgut excitedly.
The Kill team delays the attack on the coolant towers, opting instead to fire at da enemy boyz instead. However, they do not expect da Shandaleer to start moving. Da Shandaleer suddenly groans, as its barrel moves backward from recoil as it fires a massive round into the sky.
"Boss!" says Clarence, back on the ship, "That blast just hit us!" We're on damage control right now though, so don't worry about us!"
The Kill Team decides to stop mucking about, and focus on those cooling towers. Grakgut takes out two with accurate(!) Reapa fire, while 'Eadmangla takes out a third. Wazgor focuses on using the SODs to clear out AA fire as da Last Danca circles da Shandaleer and Wurrza takes down enemy fightas. On the other side, Kroz takes out the remaining three coolant towers with ADMM missiles, as the Kill Team works to one-up each other in terms of kills, and hopefully slow down da Shandaleer's assault on Krooza. After the destruction of the last coolant tower, the secondary Coolant Tower rises, which the Kill Team hammers down.
They think it's all over, until the gun begins sinking.
"OI AIN'T LOSIN' DAT DAKKA!" yells Kroz. "BY GORK AN' MORK, IF DAT FING BLOWS UP..." exclaims Wazgor.
The Shandaleer begins shuddering, as the barrel aims down slightly to cool off. "Deathwatch, I'm reading energy signatures inside that weapon!" says Walrus, concerned, "You geed to get in there and stop that firing sequence!" "PANZEE GITZ!" says a voice over the vox, "TOO GROTTY TA FACE ME!" "SEZ DA GIT HIDIN' IN DA KANNON! WE'ZE BEEN LOOKIN FER YA DA 'OLE TIME!" says Grakgut.
Making Awareness, as the Last Danca pulls up, near the sinking barrel, Wazgor and Kroz see something - The Warboss. Inside Shandaleer. Down the Barrel. Kroz angles da Last Danca towards the barrel...
...and fails to get a good angle this pass. "Zog it, we shoulda left some bommas about! Danca 'ates klear skies!" sighs Kroz. The barrel continues sinking, energy building up. And Kroz flops the second pass. The Barrel is level now, energy charged at maximum. The Kill Team has one last chance to make the run.
They make the run. Flying down the barrel of Shandaleer, they can see the Fire Control of the weapon, the Warboss bellowing a cry of challenge. Hitting every red button possible, da Last Danca accelerates toward the Warboss. As the Warboss comes into view, every SOD, missile, and kannon, as well as Wazgor and Grakgut, are fired directly at the Warboss. Grakgut's grot gunners blow a hole in the back of da Shandaleer to allow Last Danca's escape as Wazgor and Grakgut pulverize the Warboss, 'Eadmangla and Wurrza providing covering fire.
With the death of the warboss, and the collateral from everything else, da Shandaleer grinds to a screeching halt. "KROZ TO ALL ORKS. ALL OF'EM. YER BOSS WOZ A PANSY. NOW 'EZ KRUMPED. YOUZE WERK FER US NOW AN YOUZE GUNNA BUILD A GUNSHIP TA BRING DAT BIG GUN INTA SPACE, INSTEAD OF SUM DUMB FOIGHT WIF 'UMIES." Kroz messages the boyz. While most of the kroozas and ships are fleeing, the remaining bommas and ground krew join the Kill-Team. "Actually, boss, I'z got an idea..." says Uzgob over the Vox. "Wozzat?" asks Grakgut. "Oi fink oi kan take da gubbinz from da Shandaleer, an' put'em on da Orkross Kannon!" says Uzgob excitedly, "Make it so ya kan fire da kannon while itz chargin'." "DO IT!" says the Kill Team simultaneously. "Good to fight alongside you again, Deathwatch!" says Walrus, "We're pulling out."
As Grakgut, Wazgor, and 'Eadmangla argue over who gets the body of the Warboss, Kroz lands the Last Danca so everyone can re-board. As The Kill Team reunites, Wazgor notices something out the corner of his eye.
A blue light.
Rushing toward it, they hear a voice, and couldn't be happier.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..."
Kroz picks up a combi-bolter. Grakgut finally gets his lathe-shavings, so he can Lathe-Forge his Mega-Armor. Wazgor gets Hexagrammatic Wards, which involve the Merchant taking out a sanctified sharpie and writing "Daemons go away" on his armor. 'Eadmangla gets an Archeotech Blurshield, barely. Wurrza tries for some Blue Fire drug, and fails. The Kill Team gets repairs for Krooza as their ship req, and Kroz tempts fate with a second acquisition of Metal Storm ammunition.
The Merchant walks behind a wall, as the Kill Team boards the Last Danca. Boldo nibbles on the dead Warboss's head on the way up. "Boldo pls go" sighs Wazgor, "Dis is my 'ead." Boldo chirps. "Boldo's gotta get bigga!" says Kroz.
Da Last Danca enters the launch bays. Looking outside, the remaining Flyboyz are landing in the Launch bayz. "Alright, boss!" says Pliskin, appearing out of a cardboard box, "'Ere's da loadout!"
They received 500 XP, 2 PF, and full Orkross Kannon functionality, meaning it can fire as a macrobattery while charging. We called the session here.
CHAPTER 20
Krooza is holding orbit over the world of Mezzigo. While most of the ork fleet scattered, the remaining fighta bommas and ground forces swell onto the Kill Team's ship. Wurrza is proud as he feels the swell of WAAAGH energy. Kroz looks over the new Meks and pilots approvingly. 'Eadmangla loses count of the new recruits. As the Kill Team takes inventory of the loot and boyz, the Skanna Jamma intercepts a storm of messages.
"Dat 'gain. Probly Doggnoffer fer da tanksin'z or sumfin'," says Kroz, as he turns on the Main Screen. Message One: "Sector normal, all clear...wait, what is tha-blargh" Message Two: "No hostiles sighte-Eldar! Eldar everywhe-blargh" "Eldaars. El Dar. Elll daaar... Jus ain't orky no matter 'ow many times I sez it..." sighs Kroz. "Wots dis 'bout elfdarz?" asks Wazgor. "Elfs." sighs Wurrza, "In da starz.Dey'z gone too far..." Most of the messages continue like this, until the kill team gets to the last one. Message Sixty Four: "They've reached Volcania! The Eldar are attacking! A huge flee-blargh"
"Wot?" yells Kroz, upset, "Dey'z tauntin' us wif a fight already dun wif!"
After a bit, Uzgob walks in. "Kannon's ded killy now, boss!" he says, "Where's da next fight?" "Uzgob, find da Doggfatha. I'z got a komplaint ta make!" states Kroz. "Well, even if da fight's dun, we shuld loot da good stuff 'fore dey find it!" says Wazgor.
Wurrza immediately begins focusing, prepping a message for Doggfather. "OY, WOT'S UP DOGG?" yells WUrrza. "----ord up, wo----p, y'all hear----out those Eldar atta------orld of Volcania?" "You'ze soundin' kinda sketchy. Ya may need mo' powa." Kroz says as he hooks up Wurrza's brain to a nearby pile of batteries and diesel engines. "Yeah! Da fight's ova!" sends Wurrza. "Done wi-----ight's still happenin------Eldar are moving across t-----ector. ------y're still at Volcani------" "Wot? Tell dem gits ta send da message roight next time!" yells Kroz, slightly perturbed. He heads over to the Mekbridge. "Deathwa------op those Elda------fore they get to the world of------" the Sending/Receiving connection ends. "I fink 'e said kill." says 'Eadmangla.
Kroz hits the big red button, sending Krooza into the Warp. The trip to Volcania is set to take about three days. Of course, it's never that easy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbAm0rLzCmQ
While Kroz upgrades his weapons, and 'Eadmangla tries to steal the Big Red Button, they briefly look up.
Across the hallway runs a swarm of rippers, chased by some grots. These grots then run the other way from a swarm of gaunts. "... WOT DA ZOG." wonders Kroz. These gaunts then run back across the hall from some boyz. These boyz then run the other way from a Carnifex. Finally, the carnifex is running away full tilt from Boldo. Boldo chirps as he slowly flutters across. "... ANY GIT LETTIN SKOOIRE BOLDO'S FOOD RUN AWAY IZ GONNA GET IT, UNLESS YOUZE BOLDO ASKS YOUZE TA LET IT RUN'ROUND, YA GET IT?" yells Kroz, deciding the matter was not important enough to get worked up over, and Boldo had the situation under control.
Meanwhile, in the Armory, Wazgor and his grot Firegit begin training attacks. However, a large ruckus distracts them, and Wazgor goes to investigate. Wurrza, seeing a spike in WAAAAGH energy, also heads to the armory. Forcing his way through a crowd of boyz, Wazgor sees Clarence fighting with a bunch of boyz.
"Ah, good to see you, boss." says Clarence. "Wots goin' on 'ere?" asks Wazgor. "Nothing much, boss. Just a bit of sparring to keep mind and body strong," says Clarence, "Want to join?" "Heh. Sure." Wazgor grabs a wooden staff off the wall and enters the ring. "Good choice, boss!" Clarence says, holding his own metal staff, "We'll go first to five hits. Don't worry, I can take it like the best of them. Ready, Boss?" "Ready." states Wazgor. Wurrza takes a seat in the audience to watch. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAwWPadFsOA Wazgor opens up with a charge, which Clarence parries. While Wazgor has higher WS, Clarence has Wall of Steel, Counter Attack, and the bonus from Wazgor's Hulking. Both have swift attack, so it's a pretty even fight. Clarence lets loose a flurry of blows, which Wazgor effortlessly parries before sending a few good hits on Clarence. Clarence counter attacks, and gets a hit on Wazgor. Wazgor continues his swift barrage, with Clarence returning hits when he can. Wood smashes against metal as Clarence and Wazgor keep up the pressure, eventually reaching a score of 4-4. Down to the wire, Clarence fails a parry, and Wazgor wins.
"Heh, nice one, boss! Been a while since I had a good challenge." says Clarence. "That woz the best foightin I've ever seen from a beakie." says Wazgor. "Nah, I'm just your regular run of the mill digga." laughs Clarence. "I need to think about the fight now. Walk with me a bit, boss." Wazgor and Wurrza follow Clarence to an observation room. Clarence has it simply furnished. He assumes a meditative position. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zp2jtqmgOpM
"Thinking about the fight, and actually fighting, is the thin line between orkiness and muckin' about." says Clarence, "One must live the fight in their very being." "When Oi wuz in wit da Stormboyz, dey alwayz quoted sum git from a thousand waaghh ago," states Wazgor, "A warboss leeds by ecksample, not force, though force 'elps." "A quote has only the meaning one gives it." says Clarence, "Let me tell you a story..."
*** Jorskrag asked Neztragga: "Whatz da process ov startin a waaagh?" Neztragga said: "If youz an ork, then your startin a waaagh." Jorskrag asked: "Can yer practize waaaghin, like?" Neztragga said: "If yer tries dat bleedin trainin bizness, dats bein unorky an muckin about." Jorskrag asked: "If'n I'z not gunna practize, den ow's I zoggin gunna get good at waaaghin?" Neztragga said: "Best ta not fink bout waaaghin'. Best ta not stop yerself from waaaghin'. When you iz waaaghin wiffout finking bout it, den youz gettin proppa stuck in." At these words Jorskrag was enlightened. ***
"You see, sometimes it's best to just go all in, other times, it's best to go all in another direction, boss." says Clarence. "Hmm...so sumtimez it'z best ta Dakka, sumtimez it'z best ta Choppa!" states Wazgor.
"Heh," says Clarence, "Here's another one."
*** There once was an Ork named Shogzak. Shogzak held out his kustom shoota with a chainsaw wielded on the end and said: "Iff'n you callz dis a shoota, you iz fergettin da choppy. Iff'n you callz it a choppa, you iz ignorin' da dakka. Now, what da zog would ya call it? ***
"It'z like da tale of da original Skorpion, who made 'is shoota ta pull gits inta 'is choppa." says Wurrza "Chopdakka?" asks Wazgor. Clarence laughs. "I'll be around if you need me, boss." Clarence continues meditating.
The other two days proceed calmly after the Visitations of the first, with Wazgor training his grot to shoot, Wurrza continuing to research Daemonhosts (from which nothing good can come), Kroz never leaving his Mekbridge, and 'Eadmangla searching through Krooza's hat to see if he can find any new stuff. 'Eadmangla does end up finding bitz to change his drone to a variety of configurations, though Wurrza fails to find any info on Daemonhosts, and Kroz fails to upgrade his hellpistol since he's running out of things to upgrade.
Boldo flies over and begins chewing on the hellpistol. "OI! OI! NO! NO NO NO! NOT DA POWER FINGY!" yells Kroz, exasperated, "Go eat sum Trygons or sumfin'!" Boldo chirps.
Wazgor, meanwhile, inspects da new boyz. They can be seen tooling around on their fightas, making numerous upgrades they feel fit. Most of the ones not engrossed in their fightas salute Wazgor as he makes his inspection. "Dizimizzed!" yells Wazgor, channeling Patton. Da boyz go back to upgradin' their fightas and beating the shit out of each other to determine who's best. Wazgor enthusiastically jumps into the new fight.
Da Looted Krooza pops out of the Warp over the world of Volcania. The Kill Team can see the volcanos and savannas that make up the world. The Kill Team flies through the wreckage of numerous spess stations and Imperial defense ships. Wurrza scans the outside with his brain, and feels an incredible warp presence outside - far more than human, far different than ork. Krooza continues on its current trajectory over Volcania, where the source of the psychic phenomena becomes completely obvious.
"It might be a brainbattle! Den dey might die from muckin' about!" says Wurrza. "Brainbattle?" asks Wazgor, "Dat dun make sense. Brainz're squishy an' 'ard ta fight wif!" notes Wazgor.
Krooza rounds the planet to find a fleet of eldar ships...
...surrounding an Eldar Craftworld.
"HA! ALL BOYZ, GET READY FER SHOOTIN'!" yells Kroz.
The Eldar Craftworld is holding orbit, its solar panels extended. Da boyz look excited.
"DIS IZ DA LOOTED KROOZA OF DA DEFFWOTCH, KROZ SPEAKIN'. SURRENDER DAT GIANT SHIP SO WE KEN STICK IT TO DA FRONT OF DIS KROOZA, OR YOU'ZE END UP HAVIN TA RUN LIKE YOU PANZIES ALWAYS DO!" says Kroz over the voxcaster, "YOU'ZE GOT DA FINGERS ON ME 'ANDS IN SECONDS 'FORE YOU FIRE TA PRETEND YA KEN SCARE US, AN WE STARTS SHOOTIN' BACK. UNLESS YOU'ZE GOTS SUMFIN' INTERESTIN TA SAY FER ONCE."
The Kill Team actually gets a response back. "Vile Monkeigh, you will not break the spirit of Craftworld Kionash so easily!" the haughty Eldar Voicelady says, "You seek to fight us with one ship?"
'Eadmangla, still in the Manta, hears this groaning noise reverberate through Krooza, as he notices Krooza is actually accelerating. Everyone else in the bridge looks down to notice all the cogitators are glowing green.
Kroz grins. "LOOTED KROOZA. BATTLE MODE!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VSA7CvnBAU
Krooza's controls fall away, replaced with new ones. "PLASMA REACTOR OUTPUT INCREASING!" shows one cogitator, linked to the plasma drives. "FRACTAL MODULE SYSTEM ENGAGED!" shows another, as Krooza's bulkheads begin sealing. Krooza rushes forward, splitting down the middle, its bridge realigning. As the bridge aligns into its head position, Krooza charges past a majority of the Eldar battlefleet moving to intercept. The Orkross Kannon flies forward, into Krooza's waiting Klaw.
Supa Dimenshun Stompa mode engaged. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQMBz6HvSoM
"WE GOT YA KOVA'D, BOSS!" yell the members of Deffrokk, as they get into position on a stage deep inside Krooza, covered in pyrotechnics. They begin playing as Krooza gets into formation. Krooza begins evasive maneuvers, dodging and weaving through Eldar Plasma fire from a number of frigates which caught up to Krooza. Wazgor mans the Kannons, Kroz the Torpedoes, Wurrza focuses energy through his Wizard's Tower, and 'Eadmangla test-fires the Orkross Kannon Macro Mode. As they blast their way through waves of Frigates, they notice that Macro Mode is preventing Charge Mode.
"Dun worry, boss! I'll fix dat!" yells Uzgob.
"DIS IZ KROZ RUBBYKONZES OF DA LOOTED KROOZA TO POINTY'EADED GITS DAT ARE STARTIN TA FEEL STOOPID RIGHT'BOUT NOW. YOUZE KEN STILL END DIS WIF YER GIANT FLOWER SHIP NOT EATIN STOMPA-KICK INTA DA ATMOSPHERE. JUS GIVE US ALL DA LOOT AND GET OUT OF DERE, I LIKES LOOT." states Kroz. "Your...primitive weaponry will not cow us, Monkeigh!" yells the Eldar Voicelady. "NOW BACK TO DEFFROKK, WIF GORK OF JUSTICE IN GROT MINERS, THIRD MOVEMENT!" says Kroz, refocusing on the fight.
Krooza continues through the waves of frigates, eventually breaking through. Krooza finally begins to break atmosphere of the Craftworld. Flying through the sky, burning through the air, Krooza lands, and knees the ground before standing up. A swarm of boyz pours out of Krooza, leaving a trail of fire and explosions as they rage through the area. Even Uzgob, Grakkar, Clarence, and Pliskin are out there. Boyz clash with Aspect Warrior defenders as Krooza begins walking towards a big center of warp energy Wurrza detected.
Continuing their wholesale destruction of Eldar, Krooza downs more frigates, one of which crashes to the ground and is swarmed by boyz. Wurrza has by now identified the mass of psychic focus as the nexus of the Craftworld's Infinity Circuit, and the Kill Team decides they want one.
At this point, Grakgut shows up, and nobody decides to fill him in on what's going on. So he does the only thing a lost, confused ork normally does - rolls Strength.
Krooza charges the wraithglass bubble towards the Inner Craftworld, and punches through, shattering it and a number of buildings in the process.
Krooza is now presented with a pair of Wraithships moving into position to fire on Krooza. After a devastating salvo of Pulsar fire, Krooza reels backwards, before getting angry and charging into melee. Krooza grabs one Wraithship, and swings it like a baseball bat into the other, destroying one ship and heavily damaging the other. Krooza then grabs the second ship, and guts it with the Orkross Kannon. Krooza cracks the Wraithship over its knee, and places its new pauldrons over its chitinous spess coat.
At this point, Kroz falls asleep mid game.
As Krooza makes the short run towards the infinity circuit, the Kill Team notices a bunch of Aspect Warriors standing around a single Eldar. "Now, intruders," yells the Eldar Voicelady, "You will fall to our greatest guardian, our Battle God of Flame, our AVATAR!" "PFFF!" yells Grakgut, clearly unimpressed. Above the Infinity Circuit, the air combusts as a massive burning iron form materializes. The Avatar of Craftworld Kionash steps forth from oblivion, its Wailing Doom sword thing shining. The Avatar is as large as Krooza.
"PFFF!" yells Grakgut once again, this time hitting the button for da Git-a- loada-dis-grot kam. However, the Orkross Kannon is still not charging. Until the voxcasters activate.
"BOSS! OI FIXED IT!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-qOZOyPsjs
The Kill Team sees a Nightshade raider fly past. However, it's been clearly looted. Its plasma drives now leak smoke, and numerous armor bitz adorn it.
"STICK OUT YER ARMS, BOSS!" yells Uzgob, "I'Z GONNA DOCK DA WRAITH SKRANDA!"
Grakgut and Wazgor raise Krooza's arms. The Nightshade's hull folds inward, as its solar wings extend outward. Wraith Skranda rams into Krooza's back, attaching itself like a winged backpack, and the Kill Team can see a massive power surge flow through Krooza.
KANNON CHARGE: 0%
Wraith Skranda docked. Krooza now has power for both Orkross Kannon Charge Blast and Macro Blast. The additional thrusters allow Krooza a Dodge as well as a Parry, and one more thing...
"BOSS! USE YER KLAW!" yells Uzgob. "Dun't 'ave ta tell me twoice!" yells Grakgut excitedly. Krooza sticks out its arm. The arm begins to rumble, until the Klaw shoots out like a rocket, smashing into the Avatar.
"HA! IT'Z JUS' LOIKE ME!" yells Grakgut.
The Avatar, Battle God of Flame, steadies itself, and charges into battle against Krooza, Battle God of Steel. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aH0R9QoU80U
The Avatar charges, though its Wailing Doom, Flame Cloak, and Melta Blast barely miss Krooza. Krooza retaliates with a swift attack and every weapon possible, knocking the avatar down into a number of buildings. All across the craftworld, Eldar are cheering their Avatar, while da boyz fuel Krooza by the very act of fightin' and winnin'. The Avatar rolls to its feet, and strikes a heavy combo against Krooza with its Wailing Doom. With the added speed of Wraith Skranda, Krooza ducks and weaves through the Craftworld's buildings, shooting the Avatar from long range with Kannon and Klaw. The avatar charges again, though does not achieve much success. This time Wazgor and Grakgut take the klaws and unload a multitude of punches into the Avatar, which is sent flying through the Craftworld's superstructure.
"OI! PUNY GITS! YA KNOW WOT'Z GUDD 'BOUT BEIN' A ORK?!" yells Grakgut, "YA NEVAH LOSE!"
Krooza sticks out both its arms. Both of Krooza's arms fly forward. The two fists impale the Avatar as the Kill Team realize the fists are still connected by chains to Krooza.
Krooza begins swinging. As if a gigantic anchor, Krooza swings the Avatar through the air, finally slamming it into the Infinity Circuit itself. Da boyz rush back onto Krooza as momentum forces it up.
"ORKROSS KANNON...." yells Grakgut, "GO!"
KANNON CHARGE: 100% Krooza extends the Orkross Kannon. 'Eadmangla takes careful aim, and pulls the trigger. The Orkross Kannon's blades spin, as the energy is released directly into the heart of the Avatar. Most of the Eldar begin running and panicking, though it's far too late for them. As the energy washes over the core of the craftworld, it goes critical. The Craftworld explodes, its fleet caught in the explosion. Krooza stands there, its cloak billowing in the winds of spess, Orkross Kannon smoking.
AS the dust settles, the Kill Team see the remains of the Infinity Circuit nexus floating by.
"OH ZOG..." yells Wazgor, turning seven shades of purple, "WOT IF DA MERCHANT WAS DERE?"
Krooza grabs the Infinity Circuit nexus , and stores it in a pauldron. Amongst the fading lights of the nexus, the players see a blue light. The Kill Team exceeds the speed of light rushing towards it. They climb through the wreckage stored in the Pauldron, until they see the blue light.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant.
Grakgut tries for a conversion beamer and fails. 'Eadmangla manages a Power Board, silver surfer style. Wazgor grabs a Xenarch Death Arc, no doubt readying a trip to Kroz. They also acquire ship repairs. Kroz and Wurrza had fell asleep and left a minute before, respectively.
"Heh heh heh, thank you..." says the Merchant as he walks off into a hallway.
"So, boss, 'ow ya like da sekret projekt?" asks Uzgob. "It'z akseptable." states Grakgut. "Heh." says Uzgob. "OY, BOSS!" yells Pliskin. "Wut?" asks 'Eadmangla. "We found deze." Pliskin and his Boyz Wifout Bordaz are pushing a Grav Platform loaded to capacity with cardboard boxes. The Cardboard Boxes are filled with odd gems. Grakgut picks one up, and puts it to his ear. He hears a faint scream of terror. "Hmmm...dis is roight flash! We shuld dekorate Krooza wif'em!" says Grakgut. "Dey dun taste too gud." sighs Pliskin, "but dey shiny." "Well dats kuz ya fergot da Oregano an' Garlick!" says Wazgor. "I'll put'em in da Loot 'Old when yer ready to do stuff wif'em." says Pliskin.
Wraith Skranda disengages, and changes back into a raider, and Krooza changes back to Krooza Mode. We called the session there.
CHAPTER 21
Krooza has just transformed back to Krooza mode, as Wraith Skranda detaches and shifts to its Ship mode. The Infinity Nexus has been moved to a loot hold for future assignment.
"Lookit all deze flashy bitz!" yells Grakgut, gesturing to Wraith Skranda. "Finally, da beginninz of a WAAAGH!" states Kroz.
Kroz orders most of the loot to the bridge so he can weld it all together, while Grakgut grabs a box of spirit stones.
"O'im gunna need lotsa glue!" Grakgut yells excitedly. "We gotz da best bitz o' panzees, fish'eadz, toastaz, an' bugz so far." notes Wurrza, "We need one o' dem black-'ole-in-da-boxes from da spiky panzees!" "Oi... Any of youze rememba wot we wuz doin 'ere in da first place? I fink we got distracted 'long da way." says Kroz. As the wreckage of the craftworld drifts out, the Kill Team's searchy gubbinz pick up an incoming warp signature. As the new arriving ship leaves the Warp, the kill team recognize it as the Dogg Pound, Inquisitor Doggfather's battlecruiser.
"Deathwatch!" says the vox, "Inquisitor Doggfather requests landing on your ship. Do we have clearance?" ""DUNNO IF DERE'Z ROOM FER DA BIG'UN, BUT YOU'ZE WELCOME TA FIND A SPOT TA SQUEEZE'IT!" says Kroz. "I'z gonna make lunch!" yells Wazgor, who heads down to the mess hall.
Searchy-gubbinz detect a gold-plated gun-cutter heading into the Port-side Launch Bays. After a few minutes, the Kill Team gets a message from the port bay.
"Boss!" yells Pliskin over the vox, "Dat Kwizitor git's jus' made it ta da bay. I fink 'ez waitin' fer ya. 'iz bomma'z flash."
The Kill Team heads down to the Launch Bay. The gun cutter door lowers, followed by a cloud of smoke. "Word up." says Inquisitor Doggfather. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwA9oU3pxsg
"'Ow ya keep doin' dat?" asks Grakgut. "Dat's...flash." says Kroz. "Liking the paint job? You won't find many finer." says Doggfather, "This is a Dodge." "Oy, our bomma'z gud at dodgin' too!" says Kroz. "Fo' sho." says Doggfather. "I got news. Figured you might want to know, ya know?" "I'z lissenin'." states Wazgor, who has arrived with Trygon stew ft. Wraithdust. "I figured out who attempted to call down the Exterminatus on Xaviol." says Inquisitor Doggfather, "I had to double check, and even got my boy Dre to check as well." "Well?" asks the Kill Team simultaneously, "'oo wuz it?" "It's Inquisitor Shakur." says Doggfather, "He ain't dead."
"OI KNEW 'E WUZN'T DED!" yells Wurrza. "Inquisitor Shakur disappeared some time ago. For the longest time, we weren't sure what happened. But now we know he's alive, on the planet Cu'Ba." states Inquisitor Doggfather, "Which leads me to my next point." "Ya fink 'e went kay-oss?" asks Kroz. "It was lucky you stopped those Eldar, they were headed to Xaviol. We already have plans for reclaiming it, though it will take time. So I need you to look into what the fuck happened to Shakur. To call Exterminatus is not our first choice. We worry something may have happened to him., yo." says Doggfather. "Wot ken ya tell us of dat kyziter?" asks Kroz. "Besides the fact that he's Malleus, and he never really travelled with acolyte cells, I don't know much else. I'm Xenos, so I can't speak for Malleus." "Malleus hate Garoz, an dats gud 'nuff fer us. We'ze gonna find dat git and fix dat planit gud." states Kroz. "One more thing. If the nigga gets an attitude, pop'im like it's hot." states Doggfather, "I'll leave the rest to your judgement, Deathwatch."
Doggfather gets back on the Guncutter. "Keep it real, yo." he states as the door closes and the guncutter takes off. "Awright, boyz, inishiatin' jump! We'ze goin' ta Cu'Ba!" yells Kroz, as he smashes the Big Red Button. Krooza rips its way into the warp, still flush from victory.
Three days to Cu'ba, and the first thing the Kill Team sees is an incoming Warp Storm. "DIS IS DA FUN BIT! AWRIGHT, KROOZA, SHOW'EM WOT YOU'ZE GOT!" yells Kroz as he sets the engines to maximum. Krooza bashes its way through the warpstorm, suffering almost no damage beyond chipped paint as the warpstorm begins to dissipate behind them. "NOW, NOBODY OPEN DA ZOGGIN' WINDOWS!" yells Kroz, annoyed.
Wazgor spends the time cooking, grinding down the Spirit Stones and adding oregano and mustard to roast Trygon. Kroz is upgrading his guns. Grakgut superglues Spirit Stones to his Mega Armor and converts his iron boss pole to sparkle. 'Eadmangla continues plumbing the ship's depths for Skarfang.
"Still lookin' fer dat 'ead, boss?" asks Pliskin. "Yeah." says 'Eadmangla. "Well," says Pliskin, "You ain't gettin; anywhere if 'e seez ya. Try dis!" Pliskin hands him a cardboard box labeled "Box N." "Datz it! Yer roight, Pliskin!" yells 'Eadmangla, who pops under the box. "Ya gotta be kareful wif da box, boss." says Pliskin, "Wif great box komes great responsi.,..resp...great 'idin. But ya kan't use da box for longa den an 'our at a time, or ya get boneitis. So make shure ta take it off afta 59 minnits!" "Roight!" says 'Eadmangla, who moves deeper into the vents.
Meanwhile, Wurrza continues his studies into Daemonhosts. Nothing good can possibly come of this. After smashing through the warpstorm, the veil between materium and immaterium is quite thin, even with the Gellar Field up. Wurrza makes his Daemonology, and actually passes. Wurrza is reading books on daemonology, practicing incantations, when suddenly something happens. The room is filled with smoke. the air smells sickly sweet as something materializes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUklgdNEcEY
"Hmmm...how strange that it is your kind that summons me today, Ork..." says the Keeper of Secrets, "Hold fast, for as strange as it is for me to say it, I am not your enemy today..." The Keeper of Secrets paces around Wurrza's Wizard Tower. "My Lord of Pleasure has watched you, and your destruction of Craftworld Kionash. You have empowered my Prince, and she wishes to share with you what you wish to know..." "WOT I WISH TA KNOW IS LESS TALKIN, MORE WAAAAGHIN'. HOW TA KEEP WARP-FINGS STUCK IN DA RIGHT SQUIG AT DA RIGHT TIME, SO WE GOT WARP MUCKIN' TA WORRY ABOUT. AN' HOW TA STOP GROTS FROM BECOMIN' PINK! DAT AIN'T RIGHT." says Wurrza, who wishes to get to the point. "We know you are orks, and all of us have been watching your progress. We saw you deal with our fractured brother, and we will not interfere in your struggles against him." The Keeper of Secrets thinks, "But as for your warp issue..." The Keeper of Secrets pauses a moment. "You orks do not wield the Warp as we do, or the humans, or the Midnight Snacks. It will be impossible to channel an actual daemon, since there is nothing you have we would want. The issue then becomes...what to channel?"
The Keeper bends down, directly at Wurrza's face. "You channel your Waaagh energy against your enemies, would it not make more sense to channel it into your weapons as well?" "Ya know...dat's a gud idea! Glad I thought'a it! Bind da WAAAGH inta da shootas an' choppaz!" says Wurrza. "Simply focus your mind, and force the energy into the weapon. It will not go willingly." The Keeper smirks, "I believe you have already tried this on an Ammo pack?" Wurrza begins laughing, many new ideas rushing through his mind. "I have played my role, this information is up to you. My Lady and his brethren watch your escapades eagerly, though you are beyond our touch. We will not interfere in your fight against the Lectors and Garo, but we will not assist either. We will watch...and wait."
The Keeper of Secrets dissipates.
The last day of the trip, Wurrza runs out excitedly. "OY, I FOUND A FING IN MAH BOOKS DAT I WANNA TEST!" yells Wurrza, "'ooz feelin' lucky?"
The Kill team cannot throw their weapons at him fast enough. Wurrza picks up Kroz's pulse rifle, and begins the channeling process. The air grows cold as Wurrza brute-forces energy into the pulse rifle. He gets 3 degrees on the -60 focus power test. The weapon burns with a permanent green fire that doesn't seem to hurt the wielded. Examining it, the weapon has received the Impervious property - it grants a force field equal to the wielder's willpower. The channeling is Taxing to Wurrza, and he takes 6 temporary damage to all his abilities. The kill team is ecstatic, and celebrates by serving Wraithbone stew and stomping grots.
Krooza finally leaves the warp, over the tropical world of Cu'Ba. It's hard to see stuff through the jungle from Spess. Wazgor takes to the Searchy Gubbinz, and can detect a number of things, from high concentrations of gold to a large complex hidden in the Jungle. The large complex appears to be metal and architecture seems Imperial in origin.
"Send da boyz ta get dat gold!" says Grakgut. "On it, boss!" says Pliskin over the vox. The Kill Team see a number of Rokk Pods launch, no doubt containing Pliskin and da Boyz Wifout Bordaz.
Meanwhile, the rest of the Kill Team, Boldo, and Skullmuncha all pile on the Last Danca. Last Danca is shunted out the Launch Bay. Flying over the jungle, the Kill Team notes a set of buildings in the jungle, nestled near a large Astropathic Focusing Dish Thing. "Dis iz probly da place." states Kroz. "Shuld we loot dat?" asks Grakgut, pointing at the large dish. "'kourse!" replies Kroz, "Itz a big sensy fing. we kan take it up" "Dis place looks familiar..." states Wurrza, quite onatopp of things. Kroz lands da Last Danca. The doors fall open as Skullmuncha jumps out, and Boldo floats around. Boldo chirps. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLFBwLqAuoY
"Dis Way!" yells Kroz, as he heads in the general direction of the complex. "Oi, dis lukks familayah..." says Grakgut, "Bettah watch out fer traps!"
Making their way through the jungle, the Kill Team notes something in the foliage - a blue light. Rushing toward it, they hear a voice. "Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant.
Kroz acquires the Melta Rokkit upgrade for the Last Danca. Wazgor picks up a Tenebro Maze for the Krooza. Wurrza gets a lifetime supply of the Geist drug. Grakgut tries for turbo-batteries, and fails. 'Eadmangla tries for a Warp Jump Pack, and fails. As a team, they opt to upgrade krooza's searchy gubbinz, and manage to grab an Auto-Stabilized Logis Targeter.
"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OenN8Ir-8Rk
The area is silent, beyond the native fauna of the jungle. "Roight den. Now we kan find da inkyzitter git!" yells Grakgut, who engages Tank Mode and charges forward. He does not look where he's going, however, and drives into a mud puddle and begins sinking. Grakgut begins punching through the mud, but the mud is tenacious. He finally parts the mud like Moses and rolls on.
"Stoopid mud. Tryin' ta...ta...be...mud?" asks Grakgut, slightly confused.
'Eadmangla, meanwhile, dons his Box N and heads forward. He listens to the various sounds of the Jungle, but as he approaches the jungle complex, he hears something else.
An almost bestial barking. He looks through his scope, and sees a pair of Lectors barking at each other, a hundred meters away on the roof of a building, connected by thin scaffolding. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXI3Yr6eKkI
Wurrza channels the Waaagh using Boon of WAAAAGH, and supercharges himself with 10 extra psy rating. 'Eadmangla and Kroz snipe out one Lector from the base of the scaffolding while Wazgor and Grakgut advance. Wurrza, however, goes full power with a Bolt of Squig. He has forced his psy rating to 24 at this point, and pushes for maximum overdrive. 24d10 later, the second Lector is destroyed. However, now it's time for the feedback.
29 damage to WUrrza later, he also triggers Tech Scorn from Phenomena. And the entire Kill Team weapon loadout has Overheat from upgrades. While Kroz saves his weapons using his Mekboy reliable upgrades, Grakgut's Plasma Cannon explodes, as does Wurrza's burna, causing him to go nuclear. He burns his last fate point to survive, but since he does not have hardy (a rank 2 advance that makes you always count as lightly wounded), Medicae only restored a single wound to him. Wurrza crashes, as he looks to the fact he's still alive, and halfway unconscious.
"I got da powah..." says Wurrza hazily.
More Lectors climb up the building hanging over the Astropath dish, and head in deeper to the complex. 'Eadmangla, having snuck up further than everyone else, infiltrates the building, and reaches the roof, to see a man in terminator armor looking over the edge. 'Eadmangla's auspex picks up nothing unusual. As this point, Grakgut and Kroz bash their way in, followed by Wurrza and Wazgor.
"KNOK KNOK!" yells Grakgut, "ITZ PAHTEY O'CLOK!" "Deathwatch..." the man says, turning around, "It's about time you gut here." "Da Deffwotch iz 'ere ta assist!" yells Kroz. "It was only a matter of time before the servants of that corpse made it here." sighs Inquisitor Shakur. "Wut?" says Grakgut, "Gork an' Mork ain't no corpse!" "Look at you, rushing blindly here, for what? The Emperor? Something Else? It's not my problem anymore. That man was right. There really isn't anything left in the end." says Inquisitor Shakur. "Ya mean you got da lekterz, eh?" says Kroz, "I fink sum ecksplanashunz are in orda!" "An' meybe a copy uv yer newest album!" adds Grakgut. 'Eadmangla, however, decides to take the shot. "Richard Garo is a wise man. You'd do well to listen to hi-" Inquisitor Shakur stops mid-sentence as 'Eadmangla's shot pushes him over the edge of the cliff.
"AHAHHAHHHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!" yells 'Eadmangla, "Looks like one mo' 'eretic learned not ta talk so much!" "OI! YA GIT! WOT YA DO DAT FER! EVERYTIME SUMWUN DOZ DAT IN DA PIC-KASTA, DEY COME BACK EVEN BIGGA!" says Kroz.
The Kill Team hears the barking of the Lectors grow louder, as four climb out of the sides of the building. There is also a clanging that echoes through the area. clang. Clang. CLANG.
As an enormous mechanized fist climbs over the edge. "I hoped to have a conversation with you..." says Shakur, "But I guess that's out of the question right now. Inquisitor Shakur climbs up, in a Dreadknight battlesuit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlPYub-gTjE
The four Lectors open fire, spreading out the Kill Team, while Inquisitor Shakur charges Grakgut, his shoulder-mounted incinerators burning the Kill Team. This has the unfortunate consequence of deep-frying Wurrza, who has no more fate- points left to burn. Grakgut tanks Shakur while Kroz, Wazgor, and 'Eadmangla begin working their way through the Lectors. 'Eadmangla moves around using the Box N, getting surprise shots on the Lectors, while Wazgor rapid-fires grenades and Kroz dumps explosive electricity into them. One Lector uses its prehensile grapnel against Kroz, dragging him in, but misses the las-cutter attack. After destroying the Lectors, the entire Kill Team focuses fire on Shakur. The Dreadknight battlesuit takes a beating, but between Power Klaw attacks, grenades, lascannon sniping, and explosive arcs of electricity, the dreadknight finally falls, exploding into a melted pile of slag.
Inquisitor Shakur looks dead for realz this time, amongst the wreckage of the dreadknight. The Kill Team immediately gets to work looting everything. They decide to mount the Nemesis Force Greatsword on their wall, and start piling the rest of the rubble for future use. A few Rokk Pods drop down, as well as a mass hauler, and da boyz begin hefting the melted wreck onto the hauler. Some of da boyz scrape the puddle of Wurrza up with a shovel, and stick it in the hauler as well.
As the kill team readies themselves to leave, Grakgut sees a line of cardboard boxes piled high with gold moving towards a hidden hauler in the distance. "Gud ol' Pliskin..." says 'Eadmangla.
Flying back up to da Looted Krooza, Wurrza's dead corpse is wheeled out. Boldo is nibbling on the remains.
"Oh, Boldo..." laughs Kroz. "ALAS! POOR GIT! OI KNEW YE GUDD!" sighs Grakgut. "Oi. I fink we kan do sumfin' wif dat..." says Kroz in a moment of revelation. "Soup?" asks Wazgor. "Naw. We kud make'im 'arda. Betta. Fasta. Talky again." says Kroz, a toothy grin spreading on his face. Grakgut stares at the pile of ruined Dreadknight, then to Wurrza. "JUS' YA WAIT, GARO! WE'ZE GUNNA WARP'EAD ZAPPA KAN!" states Kroz.
The entire kill team starts laughing. As da boyz finish moving the loot, a cardboard comes up. Plisking gives them the loadout, as they begin moving the Bucket of Wurrza to the Painbay for surjery...
CHAPTER 22
Above the world of Cu'Ba, Krooza floats eternal. The loot has been transferred to the holds, and the massive astropathic dish has been duct taped to the side of the searchy gubbinz. The bucket of Wurrza lays under a siren, which starts blaring. It seems da Skanna Jamma has intercepted a new message.
"Awright! Now we jus' need ta wake Wurrza up an' git 'im ta kall da Emprah!" says Grakgut. "... Uh... Iz gunna need sum walker bitz fer dis... but 'ow'z it gunna fit in dere?" asks Kroz. "Simple! We jus' need a big 'ol tray dats ork shaped, den we stikk 'im in da icebox!" states Grakgut helpfully. "Yer wrong, ya git!" adds Wazgor, "Da Cookbook Astartiz sez 'knead da dough gently 'fore baking fer 350 waaghs'!" "Awright, boss! Message iz dere fer when ya wanna see it." says Uzgob, "Painbay's been prepped too!" "So ya wanna stick 'im in da icetray or bake 'im?" asks Grakgut. "Bake. Burnaz make fings better, see!" says Kroz. The puddle of Wurrza gurgles. Boldo floats around it, chirping. Clarence shows up, his buggy painted red today. "Might want to get to the painbay fast, boss." says Clarence. Wazgor grabs the bucket, as he, Kroz, and Boldo jump on Clarence's buggy, and Grakgut engages Tank Mode..
Clarence speeds to the Painbay. The bucket is placed on the operating table, as the Skanna Jamma's message plays on one of the big screens. On the Main Screen, there appears to be a woman. She seems scared. "By the Emperor, someone help!" she says. The woman stares through the screen. "They came out of nowhere, they're everywhere!" she continues, "They killed the PDF, they're taking them...somewhere!" She looks behind her as if watchful for something. "We're a peaceful lot on Cobbokamp!" she says, "We can't hold out much longe-" A jet of dark light slices through her. A pair of spiky looking eldar walk on screen. "Nice shot, Jimbo." says the Kabalite Raider, "I coulda made that easy though." "No you couldn't! Next one's on me if you can though!" says the other as the message cuts out.
"Zog me...punk rokkaz!" says Grakgut. "At least ya can't say they ain't got choppa!" adds Wazgor. "Guss we'ze goin' dere. Bettah 'urry up an' fix up Wurrza." says Grakgut. "Might wanna press da go button first, boss!" says Uzgob, "fixin' dat iz gunna take a bit!" "Awright. But make sure you'ze gets'im. Iz need sumfin from'im ta finish da werk there." states Kroz. "Dun worry, Me an' Grakkar'll prep ev'ryfing!" says Uzgob.
Kroz kicks the button while drawing things up, confident that Krooza can handle itself out there. Estimated time to Kobbokamp is three days. Remarkably, nothing bad seems to happen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WprQmsv9_s
The Kill Team gets ready for surgery. Grakgut has Medicae at a high bonus and Trade Armourer trained, Wazgor has Medicae trained, and Kroz has Trade Armourer at a high bonus. They split off to work on the respective parts. While Kroz meets mostly with failure, Grakgut and Wazgor make incredible progress resuscitating Wurrza. They distill Wurrza's liquid remains into a thick goop, decant it into a vaguely ork-shaped cakepan, and then leave it to bake in a conveniently placed EZ-Bake oven overnight. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ahwjGWTl7g
The next day, Wazgor finishes baking Wurrza with a seasoning of Oregano and Kosher Salt. Grakgut and Kroz begin work on the Mega Dred Body. Over two days of straight work, with plenty of hammering, welding, and mullet-squigs, Grakgut and Kroz finally assemble the Dreadknight remnants with random bitz of scrap into a coherent design, a cross between a Dreadknight, Mega Dred, and Contemptor Dreadnought. Wazgor brings out the pan of Wurrza, and pours it into the Mega Dred frame. Wurrza's form expands throughout the frame, interfacing as if a second skin. But Wurrza has still not woken up, no matter how much Grakgut kicks the frame.
Boldo floats over, and lands on Wurrza's head. A drilling sound echoes through the Mekbay as Boldo begins flashing, electrical sparks shooting everywhere.
And then Wurrza begins to stir.
Wurrza was having a wonderful dream. Sisters of battle. Twins. Or maybe not. Maybe just fightin'. Either way, he begins to move. Belching a cloud of diesel smoke and nuclear waste, Wurrza stands up. Boldo floats down to a nearby table. Boldo chirps, weakly. It seems that took a lot out of him. "OY, WHERE DA ZOG AM I?" Wurrza looks down, "...AN' WHY'Z YOU SO SMALL, KROZ?" "WURRZA! YA GOT ZOGGED LIKE A 'UMIE GIT." states Kroz. "I DID? MUSTA BEEN SL...AH IT WAS DAT KWIZITOR...FINKS 'E'Z CLEVA." rumbles Wurrza. "E'z ded now." adds Grakgut, "Didn't even get an autograph." "...YA MADE SURE?" asks Wurrza, leaning in. "Yeah, we'ze sure." says Grakgut. "Now see 'ere, we'ze got sum ideaz..." says Kroz.
They hastily weld some Aether Wave Spars onto the dread to assist Wurrza in channeling the Warp.
"Now youze might be feelin a bit oddz fer, uh, da rest of youze loife, and derez sum fings, maybe moar from Grakut, dat youze iz gunna gots ta remember." says Kroz, "Ya kan't go swimmin in dis fing. you'ze too 'eavy. An' I ain't done tapin' it. Also youze need a grot ta keep youze oiled, 'specially if youze gettin wet or goin inta spess." "Let'z build'im an inna-tube!" says Grakgut.
Krooza finally exits the Warp over Cobbokamp. From Spess, the kill team can see a number of the hab domes have been exploded. Turning their searchy gubbinz to the planet, they detect little beyond the slightly toxic atmosphere leaking into the hab centers. However, the kill team does pick up some unnatural energy signatures. There IS still stuff down there, though exactly what, they are unsure of. Most of the signals appear to originating from the largest hab complex, its protective bubble shattered.
"Maybe dem spiky gitz is gud eatin'!" says Kroz. "NAH, I 'EAR DEY'Z QUITE STRINGY." says Wurrza.
Kroz grabs Boldo, who is still tired, and the Kill Team heads to the Last Danca. While on the Last Danca, Kroz passes Boldo a soul stone. Boldo nibbles on the soul stone. The Kil Team almost thinks they hear a scream of terror, but this is drowned out by the drilling sound of Boldo beginning his energy leech. The Last Danca is shot out of the Launch Bay, but due to the cloudless skies, and Wurrza's weight imbalance, entry is turbulent, and da Last Danca smashes into a building.
"Zog it, I'z gunna 'ave ta fix dis..." sighs Kroz.
The back door to the Danca opens. Boldo floats out. Boldo begins chirping.
"Eh. Moight az well git outta 'ere." says Grakgut, who rolls out the Last Danca. Ballistic motion keeps him going as he falls out the 10m to the ground, leaving a small crater. Wurrza walks off, leaving a similar crater. Boldo floats down, as Kroz and Wazgor fly down with their jump packs. "I FINK I LOST SUM PAINT," thunders Wurrza. As the Kill Team surveys their landing zone, they see something amongst the ruins. A blue light.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant.
Kroz once again tries for a Chronosphere, and fails. Wurrza upgrades his dred with Stikkbomm Chukkas, granting him a frag-grenade boost when assaulting. Wazgor gets himself a best-quality Rig, granting him autosanguine and allowing the Kill Team to see his health bar. Grakgut upgrades the Krooza's painbay. As a team, they collectively fail to acquire Turbo-Batteries.
"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant as he walks behind some rubble.
The rubble stands silent. Nothing but the wind and Boldo echo through the corridors of the Hab center. The wind itches a bit. Wazgor looks up at the sky.
"I IZ AT PEACE WIF THE WAAAAGGHHH." he states, taking a deep breath. However, he notices something out the corner of his eye. Something small and fast just ran behind a wall.
"WOT DA ZOG?" yells Wazgor, revving his rokkit pack and readying all his weapons. Wazgor charges over the wall, coming to a smashing stop on the other side. Weapons at the ready, he does a tactical sweep. Wazgor looks down to see a tiny human. She fell over from the impact. She backs away to a wall, nearly terrified.
"Are you a space marine?" she asks. "Uh..." Wazgor stands there momentarily stunned. "SAY YES, YA GIT!" yells Grakgut over the vox. "Uh, roight! I'z a Deffwotch, uh...Stormboy." states Wazgor. The rest of the Kill Team begins slamming through walls to see what's up. "Oh!" she says, happily, "Priest Vito said you would come!" "Yeah! An' come we did! Kuz we'ze spess mareens. Really." says Grakgut. "Dis is da Deffwotch Apothi-curry, "says Kroz, pointing to Grakgut, "an' dis is our Venereal Brotha Wurrza-Kan," pointing the Wurrza.
>The game needed to stop for a moment due to laughter.
The tiny human grabs Wurrza, attempting to pull him towards the supposed priest. Wazgor puts her on his shoulders as he takes to the sky. Grakgut engages Tank mode and Kroz engages Jet mode, while Wurrza pushes his new body to its limits, keeping pace with the team. The little girl is having the time of her life.
The Kill Team finally reaches the remnants of a church. She hops to the ground. "In here! she says, opening the door and running inside. The Kill Team barges through door and wall into the chapellum.
"By the Emperor, I am so glad you're here!" exclaims an old priest. "I'Z MEKMEHREEN RUBBYKONZES. WE'ZE GONNA 'AVE A WORD WIF YA!" states Kroz. "OOH! I'Z DA 'EAD KULINATUS!" yells Wazgor. "Uh, Apothicurry boss!" yells Grakgut. "CHIEF LIBRARIAN, YA GITS!" blasts Wurrza. "Oi. Wurrza. you'ze 'venereal' now. from bein in da kan, an all. iz like, a betta title den battol brutha." whispers Kroz. The old man walks forward, "I am Ecclesiarch Vito Cornelius, truly we are delivered!" "Deliva'd, yeah." says Grakgut, "In 30 minnitz or yer next praya'z free!" "We've been holding out for days now against...them." states Priest Cornelius. "Well? 'ooz 'dem'?" asks Grakgut. "Ah, yes. Them. They came out of nowhere. They killed the guard first. Then they took the civilians. I think they missed us the first few times, but no doubt they'll be back!"
Meanwhile Grakgut rolls around tending to the childrens' wounds, if any. A number of the children appear to be playing with Boldo. Boldo chirps. "OI! UZGOB! GIT SUM DAKKA DOWN 'ERE FER DA RUNTY 'UMIEZ!" he yells into the vox. "Roight, boss!" says Uzgob. "Dun worry. Our...uh, Armory Masta know wot 'e'z doin'. Sometimes." states Wazgor. A rokk pod smashes down in one of the corners of the building. A mob of boyz clown-car out and takes defensive positions. Uzgob and Grakgut begin passing out modified pulse weaponry like candy to the children.
"So wot direkshun do dey come from?" asks Kroz. "From the east! Always from the east!" says Priest Vito Cornelius. "Dun worry!" says Grakgut, "deze, uh, light plasma autoshootaz are eazy for yer runtz ta use!" "Yeah, dey'll be fine!" states Kroz. "While my charges are small, I will give my life for them." says the old priest. "Rememba, boyz!" kneeling near the kids, "Alwayz turn da safety off!" "Dun worry, boss!" says Uzgob, "I took'em off already! Dey'z in a pile in da mekbay if ya want'em!" "Fry some gits!" states Grakgut. The Children cheer. Wurrza looks on in confusion. "But yes, the raiders have come like clockwork. If you hadn't come, we wouldn't stand a cha-" Priest Vito Cornelius is cut off as alarms begin blaring.
"Awright, brothaz! Fight'z finally 'ere!" states Wazgor, revving his jump pack. "TIME TO PUT DIS KAN TO DA TEST!" states Wurrza. Rushing outside, the sky is full of explosions and mayhem. As the Kill Team readies their weapons, they are rushed by a horde of Kabalite Warriors. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD7B0mdZTS0
Kroz and Wazgor take to the skies, firing explosives into the Horde, thinning it considerably. Grakgut attempts to have his grot gunners fire the Plasma Cannon, but it overheats. Grakgut resolves the Orky Fury on himself, and then eats the grot. He then moves his other two gunners up there. However, Wurrza's new Stikkbomm Assault Chukka finishes out the horde as the sky rains stikkbomms. As the last Kabalite Warrior falls, the kill team hears clapping.
"Oh, Space Marines, how nice of you to arrive!" Wurrza, having just Metal Slugged the horde, turns to the Kill Team. "EVA NOTICE 'OW DEY ALWAYZ SEZ DAT WHEN YA ZOG DERE BOYZ?" Out from behind some rubble walks a Dark Eldar Archon, bodyguard in tow. "You'd be surprised how easy it is to get things done without your interference," says the Archon, "but since you're here, you'll make excellent tribute for when I resurrect the Kabal of the Heaven Sign!" "Da...wut?" asks Grakgut. "I fink it's dat food on a stikk." states Wazgor. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1a_e6MfJqYk
The Archon and Incubi bodyguard charges Grakgut. Scourges engage Wazgor and Kroz in the skies. And over the ruins a Ravager has Wurrza in its sights. Grakgut is initially non-plussed about the Archon, until he learns the full fury of his Djinn Blade. Grakgut works on blendering through the Incubi before he can reach the Archon.
"A pity I have to kill you! You would have been the prime attraction in the gladiator pits of the Dark City!" says the Archon. "OY! ZOG OFF!" yells Grakgut, "IT'Z FUNNY! FUNNY CUZ YA AIN'T GUNNA KILL ME! EITHA OI WALK OUTTA 'ERE JUS' FINE, OR OI'LL KILL MESELF AN' YOU AT DA SAME TIME, OR WUN UV ME MATES KILLZ ME AN' YOO AT DA SAME TIME!"
Wazgor, meanwhile, duels the Scourges. Their heat lances can melt through most armor, but Wazgor is able to dodge many of the shots. The Ravager shoots at Wurrza, but the cloud of dust Wurrza leaves in his wake protects him from the Dark Lance shots. While Wurrza casts Warptime, Kroz makes a plan.
You see, he wants the Ravager.
The Kill Team engages Skwad Mode. As Wazgor finishes off the Scourges, Wurrza joins combat with Grakgut, blending through the remaining incubi. Kroz charges full-tilt toward the Ravager, landing on it and drilling a gunner to death with his breacher drill. Boldo helps out too, screeching as he flies onto the face of a gunner, and draining him. Kroz takes a Dark Lance to the face so the Ravager doesn't, and continues slaughtering his way through the Ravager crew, Boldo doing his part as well. Finally, the Archon gets ready to land the killing blow on Grakgut, but Wurrza casts Bolt of Squig at the last minute. As the wave of pure WAAAAGH passes over the archon, he disappears...... to be replaced by an angry-looking squig.
Kroz takes the Ravager for a spin. It's fast, but light. "Hmm. Needs mo' armor. An' dakka." resolves Kroz, "OY, YA GITS! I JUS' LOOTED DIS BIG...FLYIN...GUN FING."
Suddenly, in the sky the Kill Team see a number of Razorwing Jetfighters fly by. Over the building floats a Tantalus, which comes to a stop near the Kill Team. They ready their guns, until they see the symbols on it. They've seen them before. "I should have known you all would be here..." sighs Archon Khodexus as he hops off the Tantalus. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2eHh4GcJMQ
"OY, AIN'T YOU DOGGFATHA'Z ELFDAR?" asks Wurrza. "Nah, 'e'z wif dat blue git." says Grakgut. "I am nobody's eldar," says Khodexus, seething, "I simply go where business is best." Khodexus walks to the remains of the enemy Dark Eldar. "I suppose I should thank you for solving this little problem. It's so tiresome stomping out the last remnants of the Heaven Sign." "Oh yeah. Dey wuz talkin' 'bout kebabs or sumfin'." says Kroz, "But dis is my fing now, so zog off." Kroz grips the Ravager controls. "My own Kabal of the Master Spark has been hunting them for years now." Khodexus turns, "So I suppose you orks have earned your loot..." Wazgor flies down. "DO YA 'AVE ANYFIN' WE KAN STIKK ON DA KROOZA?" asks Wazgor, dead serious. "No." says Khodexus quickly, as if anticipating the question. "'ow'z everone know..." sighs Kroz.
"Korst'la is an idiot. He does, however, have a shrewd business sense. It's why his family has been useful these many decades. Jamal is a lost cause. However, you can't fool me. But..." considers Khodexus, "It suits me to keep up the charade for now." Khodexus circles the Kill Team. "What Korst'la wanted on this world, I don't know. But the Heaven Sign were here, so I would be. An interesting solution, and one that would prevent its final resurrection. As much as I hate to say, it's quite ingenious." Grakgut picks up the Angry Squiq. "So enjoy your loot, I suppose." says Khodexus, staring at the sky, "I must say it's quite funny watching you at times." Khodexus boards his Tantalus. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I most likely need to rescue Korst'la again. Once again, your service to the Kabal of the Master Spark is noted." "Oy, 'fore ya go, 'ow many gits know?" asks Wazgor. "Very few, I believe. Despite all convention, you are VERY good at hiding your true identities. And It's bad business to tell."
Khodexus's Tantalus takes off.
"Ha! Dis wuz a gud foight!" declares Kroz.
The Kill Team heads back to the chapellum.
"Dem tiny gitz 'elped a bit, boss!" says Uzgob, pointing to a pile of bodies produced from the combination of Boyz and kids. "Thanks to you, astartes, we can rebuild!" says Priest Vito Cornelius, "We are forever in your debt!" Wazgor begins gathering the Dark Eldar corpses for stew. "Oy! Which'a you gitz got da most kills?" asks Grakgut to the kids. "Dunno, boss. We kinda lost count afta 'lotz.'" says Uzgob. Kroz and Grakgut, however, get an idea. "Oy, any of ya gitz wanna come along an' purge 'eresy wif us?" asks Kroz. "Any dat wantz, kan come to da Krooza!" says Grakgut. "As much as they would appreciate the offer, they are still children. They surely would not be of much use to you, Astartes!" says Priest Vito Cornelius. The children, however, are all clamoring to be first in line. "Very well. I will entrust the children to you, Astartes. My place is here." says the priest. "Awright, tiny boyz! Wif us! We'll train ya inta true boyz!" yells Grakgut.
As the children board one of the Loot Haulaz, as well as the Ravager, Grakgut whispers to Wazgor. "Oi 'ope Clarence iz gudd wif tiny 'umiez." "Why'd we loot da tiny 'umies again?" asks Wazgor. "Dey'z betta shots den grots!" says Grakgut.
The Kill Team carefully backs out the Last Danca, and heads back to As Pliskin gives the Kill Team the Loot loadout, Clarence moves the children into his Dojo for training and storage.
The kill team finds this utterly hilarious.
CHAPTER 23
Krooza holds above the world of Cobbokamp. The majority of the world lies in ruin, but help is allegedly on the way. Eventually. The loot has been moved to the holds and armory. The Kill Team is viewing the Ravager, moved safely to the Mekbridge.
"Now... Gunz, but too big fer dat mass. Dat aint roight ya knowz? Gud numbah of spiky bitz...Wots ta do, wots ta do..." mutters Kroz as he picks through the piles of guns laying around.
After a bit, the Skanna Jamma begins beeping. Kroz hits the button.
"OI. KROZ'ERE. WOTS YA WANT?" yells Kroz. "Oi want sum dakkacakez wit a side uv krumpfriez!" says Grakgut. "Not you, ya git! Da jamma!" replies Kroz.
The Main Screen activates. The Kill Team sees a haggard-looking official guy.
"This is the mining world Syran! Please send help!" The Kill Team clusters around. "Something is killing us, our PDF doesn't stand a chance!" the official guy continues, "Something huge and fast!" "'uge an' fast? Roight up our alley!" says Kroz. "All we see is a flash of silver and a green glow, and entire companies of miner and soldier are gone!" The official looks scared. "Please, send he-" The message cuts out.
"AHUM. KROZ TA ALL KROO. GIANT FLASH SILVER FINGS AN GREEN GLOWZ IZ PROMISIN US A GUD FOIGHT. GETS YERSELVES GUD DREAMS OF GORK AN MORK'S MINES ON SYRAN, AND WEEZE'LL BE DERE 'FORE I GETS TA FINISH ANY OF ME WERK 'GAIN. POWERIN UP DA DRIVES, STANDBY FER WARP" yells Kroz as he hits the Big Red Button.
"Oi Pliskin!" yells Wazgor, "Mines are full o shiny bitz, right?" "Yeah, boss. Lotsa flash bitz an' gubbinz." Wazgor laughs, considering the loot and potential new cooking ingredients. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUjxPj3al5U
Krooza begins the process of entering the Warp. The Warp Rift opens, and Krooza enters. As Krooza is almost fully in, the comm-chatter suddenly lights up as a few Warp Rifts open as well. "Ha ha! Now you Deathwatch will feel the wrath of the Lifeguards!" yells Berzerker. "Uh, I think they're leaving." says Sorceror. "Wait, really? GODS DAMMI-"
The warp-rift closes and this Kill Team is on their way.
The Kill Team decides to spend some time checking on the small group of children they looted. They head over to Clarence's dojo, listening in. Clarence is talking to the children. "-and remember, you hit'em hard when they're looking, and hit'em harder when they aren't! Now show me." says Clarence.
The room then devolves into children hitting each other with wooden sticks. "Ah, good to see you, boss." says Clarence, "Come to observe the training?" "Yup." says Grakgut. "Mo' o' less." says Wazgor. "Oy, Clarence, tell me if ya kuld find sum tiny 'umiez fer DOKTOR SKOOL!" says Grakgut. "Jus' tell me if any of dem diggagrots iz gud fer mek werk. I ken use sum riggaz." "I'z sure some of'em kuld fire while rokkitin' around!" says Wazgor. "Well, I can't quite say if they're ready yet. I'll need to observe their individual strengths and weaknesses first. It will take a while." says Clarence. "Eh. It kan wait." says Grakgut. "Actually, boss, I have an idea. How about we show our new crew how a fight really goes?" says Clarence with a smile. "Oh, gud!" yells Grakgut excitedly, "Let'z do dat!"
"All right, children! Watch closely!" says Clarence, "All right, so which of you wishes to spar today?" Wazgor steps back, having already fought Clarence before. Grakgut steps forward. "Very well, boss." Clarence points to a wall of wooden and metal weapons, "Pick one, and then enter the ring. You won't need to worry about hurting me, I can take it like the best of them." "Uh, I got no 'ands." says Grakgut. "All right then, you can use your Klaws. I can handle it," says Clarence, "Will you be using your armor as well?" "Oi nevah take it off." states Grakgut, "It'z like anutha skin." "That's fine, boss! A warrior must be comfortable in his skin." Clarence laughs, "Now, ready yourself!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvOzzGGcb7E
Clarence opens with a charge, which Grakgut sidesteps. He responds with a flurry of swift-attacks, getting a lucky hit on Clarence. Grakgut's size, however, works against him. Being larger than Wazgor, he presents an easier target, and lacks the ability to parry. Clarence gets a hit on Grakgut, tying the score 1-1. Grakgut attacks with a rapid series of punches, getting another 2 hits on Clarence. Clarence retaliates, scoring 2 hits on Grakgut. As Grakgut once again begins punching, Clarence parries and counter-attacks, scoring 5-3.
"Ahahah! Gudd wun!" laughs Grakgut, "'ave a free surjery coupon!" "Indeed, boss! A good fight!" says Clarence. "Now, wut 'ave ya lerned!?" says Grakgut, turning to the children. The children are cheering. The kill team decide it's time for a field trip. First stop. The Painbay.
Clarence brings the children to the painbay for the field trip. "Okay, ya tiny 'umiez!" yells Grakgut, "now pay attenshun!" Grakgut clears the table. "First, we grab da grot!" Grakgut grabs a grot. "Den ya shake 'im around a bit!" Grakgut shakes the grot unconcious "Den ya....git...dis... saw...fing." Grakgut begins welding and gluing extra arms on. After a bit, the grot comes to. Motor-control will take a bit of getting used to, as the grot is slapping itself. "Den ya plug in da...plugz... an'..." Grakgut wires more wires to the grot. Response time is markedly increased. "Now ya kick 'im off, an' den give da bill!" says Grakgut as he leans in, whispering, "Dis iz a most 'portant part!" The grot screams upon seeing the bill. "Da skreamin' means it werked!"
"That was the Dok, children." says Clarence, "Next we'll visit the Mess for lunch."
Clarence takes the children down to the mess hall. The children all line up near the open flames and cooking spits. "I'z makin' Ork an' Carnifex Pie." says Wazgor. The children watch as he cuts up dozens of ingredients, toss it into the cooking spit, and boils the meat. Wazgor then takes out the meat and sticks it into a vage pie-shape, and begins passing them out as bagged lunches to the children. "It's made of Orksez and Karnifexes and Kosher Salts!" The children enjoy lunch before moving on. "Any of youze like shootin' gits and rokkitin' 'round, Cookin's a good larf!" Boldo nibbles on a pie.
"Now next on the schedule, we'll see the Mek in action."
Clarence moves the kids to the Mekbridge. Kroz is hefting the Logitech Missile Launcher. "Now Look'ere. Dis'ere'z a purified fing I'z addin from a... uh... dat Konsole dere's got a pikture of when we krumped'it." Kroz leaps on the Ravager. "We'ze gunna add it to dis'ere Fing I'z looted from dem uhnumeez of Da Empruh. Dat way, even da uhnumeez of Da Empruh iz forced ta fight dere own fings, cuz we'ze roighteous an stuff." Kroz welds the Missile Launcher to a spinning turret. "NOW. IZ GOTS TA ADD A BRAINY FING LINK, BUT YOUZE KEN FIRE IT WIF DIS BUTTON'ERE IF YOUZE WONTS. JUS DON'T AIM AT DA UTHA MISSILEZ." Kroz hops off. "DEREZ PLENTY'O MISSILES FER EVERY'UN. AN DIS'ERE CARGO BAY NEEDZ TA BE A BIT BIGGER CUZ DEM WALLZ IZ IN DA WAY. IZ JUS GUNNA BE LOOKIN DA OTHA WAY NOW, AN REALLY 'OPE NONE OF YOUZE FIX UP DIS PROBLEM FER US ALL." The children swarm the button, and Kroz smiles as he hears explosion after explosion. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zp2jtqmgOpM
"Very good, children. You've seen our Mek, Dok, and Cook in action." says Clarence, "But the important thing is to find something you're good at and excel at it." "Like WAAAGHin'!" says Grakgut. "Good point! Let me tell you a story." says Clarence.
*** There was once a warboss named Goztrak. Goztrak raised his power klaw whenever he was rousing up his boyz to start Waaaghing. A nob began to imitate him in this way. When anyone asked the nob how his warboss started so many Waaaghs, the nob would raise his own klaw.
Goztrak heard about his nob's mischief. He smashed him in the head and tore off his klaw,. The nob screamed and ran away. Goztrak bellowed and stopped him with a few cautionary rounds from his megablasta. When the nob turned his head to Goztrak, Goztrak raised up his own Klaw.
In that instant the nob was enlightened. ***
"Hmm, gud idea!" yells Kroz, "Oi shuld build sum a' doze." "Meaning is up to you." says Clarence, "All right, boss, I'll take the children back. You no doubt have important things to do."
The rest of the time passes by peacefully. Wazgor begins training his grot Firegit to shoot better, and Kroz begins improving the Orkross Kannon's crit rating, making 80% progress over the two days. Grakgut begins making Dracosquig 2.0, by expanding a squig into a vaguely dragon shape, then installing a burna inside it so it could float and breathe fire, and finishing the procedure with a transfusion of Sister blood to make it sanctified.
Krooza finally leaves the Warp over the world of Syran. It's a dusty desert world.
"RUBBYKONZES TO SYRAN KOMMANDAZ. YA KALLED 'BOUT SUM ROIGHT GUD DAKKA?" yells Kroz into the voxcaster. "S-s-space marines?" a voice says over the vox, "We're so glad to see you!" "Yup! Mehreenz!" adds Grakgut helpfully, "Wutz da problem?" "Please! Meet us in our capital! We can tell you more once you get here! It's not safe!" "Jus' give us da landin' koords." says Wazgor.
Everyone hops into the Last Danca. Da Last Danca is shot out the launch bay. The Kill Team break atmosphere, feeling the sand in the air as they make their way to a large city. Much of it appears to be primitive stonework, sparked by oases. The Kill Team eventually finds a place to skid to a landing on the outskirts of the city. A flawless landing. The doors of the Danca slam down. Boldo flutters out and spins around as he's buffeted by the winds.
"Skooire Boldo, you'ze gots to be mo' careful." says Wazgor. Boldo chirps. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEtxexCJ0mA
The Kill Team can see the entrance to the city a few hundred meters away. There is a large hewn stone gate. They can also see a large building in the center of town. "Awroight! Time fer bizness!" yells Grakgut, who speeds forward. "BIGGA MUST BE IMPORTANT." yells Wazgor as he and Kroz engage rokkit packs and rush toward the center of the city.
As the Kill Team enters the city, they see the miners and citizens going about their duties. The main road through is relatively dusty, yet made of hard stone. The citizens stop in awe of the Kill Team. Some genuflect, considering themselves lucky to see an "Astartes."
"HAIL, CITI-GITZ. WE HAZ COME TO DEFEND YOUZE IN DA NAME OF DA EMPRUH. NONE OF DEM SILVER GREENLIGHTZ IZ GUNNA 'URT YOUZE ONCE WE LOOT ALL OF'EM." says Kroz.
The citizens cheer.
As the Kill Team continues deeper into the town, they come to a small oasis, surrounded by sandstone pillars. A pool of water stands idly in the center. They also see something else reflected off the water's surface, despite the sun. A blue light.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant under the light of Syran's red sun. Grakgut acquires 10,000 kg of demo-charge. Exactly what he plans to do with it is unknown. Wazgor gets a Mek Lab for the ship, and Kroz fails to acquire Plasma Rokkitz. As their ship requisition, they manage to autoget a set of Resuscatrix chambers - bacta tanks by any other name.
"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant, as he walks behind a pillar.
The sound of the bustling city returns, with children playing in the oasis park, and citizens going about their business. The Kill Team decide to sanic over to the central tower. Approaching the central tower, the guards immediately get out of their way and allow entry. Wazgor rokkits up while Kroz and Grakgut take the long way up. As the Kill Team reaches the top floor, they are greeted with a 360 degree view of Syran's capital. There are also a number of grizzled dudes up here - a few miners, a few career military.
"Noble Astartes, we're so glad you got our message!" says one of the miner leaders. "DA DEFFWOTCH RESPONDS, IN DA NAME OF DA EMPRUH." says Kroz, continuing, "DIS SMALL TALK SHALL MAKE YA FEEL KOMFORTABLE AN' RELAXED, SO YA MAY BETTA REGALE US WIF DA INFORMATION REQUIRED FOR KRUMPIN'." "In his name, you will purge the enemies that have begun to plague us." "Kontinue." states Kroz. "It all started a few weeks ago. our digging equipment happened upon something we couldn't identify, a strange black wall." says one of the military-types, "Even the techpriests could not make heads or tails of it."
"So we blew it up."
"Gud inishative!" says Wazgor. "It was the outer wall of something. Whatever was in it, two silver figures walked out, quite upset. They began killing everyone. Emperor as my witness, I ran, I ran as fast as I could back here!" says the miner captain, "Since then, our men have been dying!" "We need you to purge these beings of silver, so we can continue our honest work in the name of the Emperor!" says another miner. "Did dey look like skeletons?" asks Kroz. "Yes...yes, they were, my lords! One was short and fat, the other tall and thin, but skeletons nonetheless!" "Zoggin' C'tan toastaz!" says Wazgor, "Dey'z all gits." "Take us to'em." says Kroz. "o-of course, noble Astartes! We found them in mineshaft 25A, located in the residential sector of town. We can bring you there if you like, but we dare not enter the mines!"
As the Miners bring the Kill Team to the mineshaft, it's turned into a somewhat impromptu parade as the citizens cheer as they pass. After about 15 minutes of driving through the hab center of town, the Kill Team is brought to a mine built into a hill. It descends into darkness. Everyone engages preysense / darkvision, and moves into the mine.
"Noble astartes, simply follow this shaft down. When you reach a large black wall, that's the place. Our prayers are with you, Astartes!" says the PDF commander. "YOU'ZE PLANET'LL BE CLEANZED, DA 'ORRORS WIFIN IT TAKEN FROM IT IN 'IS NAME." yells Kroz, "an' inta our krooza..." "What was that, Astartes?" "Nuffin..."
Heading full speed down the mineshaft, the Kill Team can see numerous mineral deposits, mostly iron and other metals. On occasion, you see shiny rocks in the outcroppings. "OI. WOTS DIS?" yells Kroz, picking up some of the shiny rocks. Grakgut makes Chymistry, and determines their mineral composition to be diamond, sapphire, and other rare gems. Full examination would require krooza's lab functions. Continuing on, the kill team note a solid jet-black wall in the mineshaft. They also see an explosion hole.
And then things get weird.
"OI!" yells Wazgor, "ANY C'TAN MUCKIN' ABOUT IN THERE?" "Dat'z not 'ow ya do it, ya git!" yells Grakgut, "Dis is: 'ANY OF YOU GITS DOWN DERE WANT SUM SORORITAS SKOUT COOKIES?'" "GO AWAY, ENFLESHED!" echoes a voice. "WE'ZE GOT THINMINTS, TAGALONGS, AN' EVERYFIN' ELSE!" yells Grakgut, "OLD GIT DISKOUNT!" "NO! GET OFF OUR LAWN!" echoes the voice. "BUY SUM COOKIEZ FIRST!" "OY! DIS'ERE LAZKUTTER IZ GEN-YOUZE-INE ARKYOTEK WIF PRECISION ONLY BESTEST BY DA BESTEST SNIPAH ZAPPAS. SHOW US TO YOUZE LAWNS, AND YOUZE SHALL SEE DA DIFFERENCE. IZ LIKE A REAL 'EADWHACKIN GREEN PLACE FER DIS!" yells Kroz. "C'TAN-DAMNIT GO AWAY, ENFLESHED!" echoes the voice again.
Wazgor takes out a grenade and rolls it down the hall. Grakgut then takes a bag of squig droppings, lights it on fire, and tosses it down the hallway.
"OH COME ON I PAID GOOD (NECRON-MONEY) FOR THAT!" yells a different voice, as the explosion rocks the tomb and the flaming squig bag glows.
"...NOW WE'ZE JUS BEIN' GITS. DAT AIN'T PROPPA." sighs Kroz.
The Kill Team finally has enough. As they all rokkit down the hole, they see a pair of Necrons holding hands in front of an explosion in their wall. Remains of what was once a portrait are strewn everywhere.
"Dammit Thin, I remember when we first got that!" "I know, right, Fat? These Enfleshed have no manners."
The two Necrons turn to the Kill Team.
"'Ello." states Grakgut. "Oh great. More Enfleshed breaking into our house. What horrid luck, eh Thin?" "Horrid luck indeed, Fat." "We'ze jus' 'ere ta solve da domestik disturbance." says Grakgut. "Yeah, you gits're messin' wif da 'umies." says Wazgor. "Domestic disturbance? I was perfectly fine with my spouse here before you Enfleshed broke in!" says Thin. "Can't a man just enjoy some time with his husband without interruptions?" says Fat. "Meybe livin' 'ere iz a bad place? Derez lotsa 'umiez up dere." continues Grakgut, "Totally bringz down da reel-state pricez." "Now you insult our house! My husband and I built this nearly 60 million years ago! It was fine then, it's fine now! You're all just rats!" says Fat. "Wot if we moved yer 'ouse?" asks Wazgor. "No! You have no manners! No respect! You talk to us like...equals!" says Thin. "WEZE TRYIN' TA 'ELP!" yells Grakgut, angrily. "No more! We'll make you leave by force if needed!" says Fat. Four Necron Immortals teleport in. "You Enfleshed, always barging in and making a mess of things! We'll make you regret breaking into the house of the Thin-Fat Gay-Married Anglican Necron Lords!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkXBv0vCIDw
Grakgut and Kroz hold off the crotchety old Phaerons while Wazgor decides to go get the PDF commander to apologize. Thin charges into combat with Grakgut while Fat unloads a burst of flame from his gauntlet. Finally, Wazgor reaches the surface. "Is there a problem, noble astartes?" asks the PDF commander. "WE"ZE FOUND DA SOURCE OF DA PROBLEM." "Are the wretched xenos dead?" asks the commander. "YOU ZOGGIN' 'UMIES ARE DA 'WRETCHED XENOS' IN DIS CASE. 'OWEVER, DIS IS URGENT AND DERE'Z NO TIME TA TALK." "I don't understand what you mean." says the PDF commander "Jus' grab da git an' bring 'im down 'ere!" yells Grakgut over the vox. "YER COMIN' WIF ME." "Very well, noble Astartes."
Back in the tomb, Thin activates his chronometron and attacks Grakgut and Kroz with his Warscythe six times, and manages to only get 2 attacks to hit, rolling under 80. Fat also rushes into combat, wielding an Aeonstave. A strange tiny red scarab then lands on Grakgut's head, and he gets the best idea in the universe. "OY, KROZ!" yells Grakgut, "HI-FIVE!" "OH ZOG" sputters Kroz. Luckily, the attack is dodged.
Meanwhile, travelling down the tomb halls... "...YA KRUMPED THEIR DOOR." yells Wazgor, "DAT'S WHY DEY'Z MAD." "The vile xenos deserve nothing less! Have you cleansed them, Astartes?"
Phaeron Thin, recovering from the Chronometron, still gets a single attack. Phaeron Fat, however, continues hitting Grakgut with the Aeonstave. Grakgut and Kroz, however, get a number of hits on Phaeron Thin.
"THIN!" yells Fat. "Don't worry, my love, I'll see you...next Thursday." Thin phases out, dropping his gear.
Wazgor, meanwhile, finally arrives. "GO 'POLOGIZE" demands Wazgor. "What heresy is this? The xenos are still alive? APOLOGIZE? WHAT JOKERY IS THIS?" "YA BROKE DERE HOUSE!" The PDF commander opens fire with an autogun. Nothing of value happened as bullets ping off Sempiternal Weave.
Kroz blows up the Immortals, while Grakgut and Wazgor deal with Phaeron Fat. After Grakgut and Wazgor attempt to grapple with him and fail, Kroz fills him with Plasma, and Grakgut shoryukens into him.
"...what a day...what a day. But you still won't leave our tomb alive, Enfleshed..." mutters Fat as he phases out. The Kill Team begins to grab the loot, until they hear a rumbling. The PDF guy begins looking around scared. "IT'S COMING" he yells. He starts to run off, until something erupts through the ground and redmists him. "AW ZOGGIT ALL DAT TALKIN WOZ FER NUFFIN." The Tomb Stalker turns to the Kill Team, its phase drills still glowing green.
The Tomb Stalker charges the Kill Team, its guns engaged on Kroz and Wazgor while its thousand legs try to make friends with Grakgut. After being shelled with metalstorm ammo, grenades, pulse fire, and Power Klaw, the Tomb Stalker collapses and phases out.
>Yes, they even killed the family pet.
The tomb lies silent. The Kill Team begins to debate loot. You see, looting the tomb of its furniture isn't enough. They want the tomb on their ship. This is not impossible, but their ideas (Using Grakgut's 10,000 kg of demo-charge, using Krooza's SDS mode to dig it out, using the 'umies to dig it out) will result in massive loss of life, the blowing of cover, or just plain take too long. The kill team is about to call an orbital bombardment when Wazgor gets an idea. He has Pliskin and da Boyz Wifout Bordaz cut the tomb into slabs, where it could be brought to Krooza and reassembled. Grakgut offers to stay behind and help while Kroz and Wazgor head out.
As the Kill Team leaves the tomb, the people are cheering. "The xenos, are they gone?" ask the people. "YOU'ZE ALL GOTS TA BE MO' POLITE 'FORE GETTIN ALL SHOT UP. DEM XENOS WOZ ANGRY 'BOUT NOT BEIN' COURTEOUS." yells Kroz. "Cleanse the xeno!" "Purge the xeno!" they begin yelling. "NOW DEY'Z ALL ZOGGED UP AN' KRUMPED. WE'ZE REMOVIN' DEM 'ERESY BLOCKS FER YOUZE, BUT REMEMBA. BE NICE WHEN YOU'ZE SHOOTIN'." ends Kroz. They begin cheering. "Also, da PDF git's ded. 'E...uh, gave'iz life ta fight da xenoz." adds Wazgor.
The Kill Team heads back to Krooza. After about a day, The Haulas come up with the bitz of the tomb. They are transferred to the holds, to determine what the Kill Team would do.
We called the session here.
CHAPTER 24
Krooza and Wraith Skranda are holding above Syran. The pieces of the tomb have been moved to Krooza for processing.
"Oi guess Syrans a wrap!" declares Grakgut proudly. A grot blows up.
After a few hours of counting the loot and whatnot, the Skanna Jamma begins beeping. Wazgor walks over, and activates the main screen. "Oy, wot da zog do ya want?" he yells. The Main Screen flickers to life.
"Hey yo, Catalyst station, y'all niggas there? This is Inquisitor Throne." says the Inquisitor, "I got a mission for that Deathwatch Team my boy Doggfather keeps talking about." The Kill Team gathers around. "I'm hearin' shit about a bunch of 'scions of chaos' readying themselves a Black Crusade. This shit don't fly. Tell'em to head to Ravenforge. If these 'Scions of Chaos' are half as dumb as I know they are, finding them will be simple." "Hmmm...Black, eh?" notes Kroz. "That's all from me, 50 Throne out."
Before leaving, Kroz gathers a bunch of grots. They look slightly apprehensive. "Lessee. Yellow'z FLASH, Red'z FASTA, Blue'z LUCKY, Purple'z DED SNEAKY, WOTS BLACK?" yells Kroz, "DERE'Z A PRIZE TO WHOEVA WINS!" "Dem gitz get all da armor!" says Wazgor. "Shut it, ya git!" says Kroz, "DIS IS A KWIZ."
The grots stand at attention, or the closest thing to. "Uh..." starts one of the Grots, "Goffs use dat, an' dey'z ded'ard."
Kroz smacks him with the Aetherstave. The grot recoils, then flashes as he's surrounded by a bubble. This bubble of slow-time only affects the grot. The kill team pour some paints in, and note the paints slowly fall through, the red paint falling faster. "I KNEW DIS WOZ GUNNA BE A GUD TESTIN' GROUND!" says Kroz, who then passes out splinter pistols as consolation prizes. Then he hits the big red button.
"Plissken! Are you Gitz done getting da loot?" "Yeah, boss!" says Pliskin, "Tomb-fing's in da loot bay." As Wazgor grabs a Timesplinter Cloak and a Heat Lance, noting the Tomb's been cut into convenient slabs for future work. As Wazgor stops by to check on Clarence at his dojo, Krooza rumbles as it enters the Warp.
The trip to Ravenforge is expected to take three days. However, on the first day, grots begin randomly exploding. The grots are rufous, a color best compared to rust. The first day is lost in the ensuing panic and firefight over the odd- colored grots.
In the remaining two days, Wazgor trains the children in the art of shooting stuff while flying, and Grakgut creates a sanctified dracosquig, a squig that can fly, breathe fire, and has infused sister blood. Kroz continues applying upgrades, and 'Eadmangla begins collecting Bomb Squigs. Wurrza attempts a WAAAGH infusion, but fails, the force backlashing and knocking his dread on his ass. Wurrza is rolling under a 65, and Grakgut sees this as a problem. Grakgut goes to the med bay, and creates a cocktail of drugs that will boost willpower and psy rating. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arx21ew3Iec
After coking up Wurrza the dread, they make him try again on the third day.
"Now, ere's da fing. YOO KAN'T USE IT TOO MUCH OR YA WILL KRUMP YA BRAIN!" notes Grakgut. "Wot? Me brain'z a blasta now!" replies Wurrza.
Rolling under a 90, Wurrza rolls...a 1.
Nine degrees of success.
Wazgor's Heat Lance is infused with so much raw WAAAGH energy it catches on green fire, and gains the Accursed quality. For those who don't know, Accursed grants 1d10 damage and the Felling quality. The weapon's final stats are 30m 4d10+10 Pen 12 Accurate Melta Unstable Felling Overheats.
Grakgut makes a few more drugs for Wurrza, for the future. "SAVE DIS FER LATAH. YOU'LL NEED DIS." states Grakgut. "ROIGHT MISTAH CANDYMAN." notes Wurrza, still hopped up on Gork and Mork know what.
Krooza begins shaking, as it and Wraith Skranda leave the warp over Ravenforge. The Kill Team can see the corrupted forge-world hanging in the blackness of spess. "Oy, Clarence!" yells Kroz, "Ready da diggagrots, stick'em in da Ravagork, let'em fight sum enemies!" "Right, boss." says Clarence. "KROZ TA ALL SKWADRUNZ. KEEP YER EYES NOT MUCKIN'BOUT. IF DEREZ A CROOSAID, WEEZE GOTS TA FIND A FLEET OUT DERE. UNLESS DEYZ REAL SLOW AN GOTS NO ROKKS YET. SUM'UN GET DA CYGROT LOOKIN FER A ROKK.. UH... MAKIN... PLACE." yells Kroz through the voxcaster. After a few minutes, the Kill Team see the Rokk Pods disengaging as da boyz head down to find a fight. "Welp, betta get down dere." states Grakgut. Kroz activates the searchy gubbinz, and the Kill Team notes increased activity at the largest Forge. It's built into a sheer cliff face. They have the location easily.
The kill team and Boldo pile into the Last Danca.
"Ya got a Locashun?" asks Wazgor, who warmed up the Danca. "Da rokk iz in da rokks!" states Kroz. "Makes sense." replies Wazgor. "Rokk an' roll!" yells WUrrza.
Da Last Danca is rocketed out the launch bay towards the dark forge of Ravenforge. "So wots da deal wif dis Ravenwaaagh?" asks Wazgor. "Dunno. I fink it'z one of da 'umie kults of speed." notes Wurrza. As da Last Danca breaks the smog cover, the Kill Team can see the largest forge, its many access ports smoking with industry. There are numerous landing zones. The Kill Team chooses to land inside one of the supply ports. "SUPPLY PORTS 'AVE DA LOOT!" observes Wurrza. Kroz drives full throttle in, and skids to a halt inside. The doors fall open, and Boldo flutters out. Boldo chirps. Grakgut motors out and looks around. This particular supply dock seems to be abandoned. However, Boldo flutters toward a familiar blue light.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant. "...'ow'z dis git get around?" says Grakgut.
Wazgor gets a Ballistic Skill Implant for his grot Firegit, boosting his BS by +5. Kroz gets a box of spoor targeters for the team, but since these take up a sight and won't let you fire on allies, they prove unpopular. Grakgut complements his 10,000 kg of Demo-Charge with 10,000 KG of Prometheum. Wurrza gets a set of Magna-Grapples, mounted to his frame. 'Eadmangla gets his Lascannon permanently sanctified, prompting the Merchant to take out the sanctified sharpie and write "No daemons here." As a team, they replace their Kannonz, with good-quality Disruptor Kannonz, for preserving the loot.
"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant, as he walks behind a box. Grakgut lifts the box, and sees no merchant. Looking inside, the box is full of spray- paint. After moving the box onto the Last Danca, they move on.
"'Ow da zog does 'e do dat..." says Wurrza. "Wayz I figurez, dat git iz one of dem 'umie or pointy not-gorks an not-morks, an 'ez tradin fings cuz orksez iz bests, an 'e hates Garo too." notes Kroz. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJSER3LuNzE
The supply dock lies empty and abandoned. There is a door which appears to lead deeper into the Forge. And Grakgut smells heresy. He speeds through the door, and across the hall. The floor gives way. Grakgut has fallen into a trap.
"AHA! OI FOUND A TRAP!" yells Grakgut excitedly, "GITS THOUGHT YA KULD OUTCUNNIN' ME!" "You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?" says a voice nearby. "Nope! Oi-wait..." Grakgut turns his head, "OI SAW DAT YOO 'AD A TRAP, SO OI WALKED INTA IT TA MAKE YA FINK YOO WUZ CLEVAH!" "I didn't lay the trap." says the man who appears. A tall man with underwear on his head, riding some sort of beast. Grakgut notes he wields a power klaw in place of an arm. "Who da zog is dis git?" asks Wurrza. "I suppose you can call me Darrius." says the man, pointing at the underpants, "Named after me, or maybe the other way? Who knows!" Darrius does not appear to be all there, a few barrels short of a shoota. "You're looking for someone, I can tell!" says Darrius, "Don't mind Fluffles, he doesn't bite hard."
Boldo and Fluffles bark and chirp at each other. Profound things were communicated.
"'AVE YA SEEN ANY 'ERESY ANYWHEREZ?!" asks Grakgut. "Yes. It's why you're here, isn't it? Wouldn't be here otherwise!" Darrius laughs, "The ones you want are on the top floor. Not too bright." "Den top we go! Wanna go wif us?" asks Grakgut. "Da fast'un an Da lucky'un an da short'un roight? Deyz a right gud larf" says Kroz. "Indeed!" yells Darrius, with a strange grin, "Unfortunately, this is not my fight." "Den we'ze got Deffwotchin' ta wotch." states Wurrza. "Well, I wish you luck then! All things are coming together! Be on your best behavior! HA HA HA HA HA!" Darrius gallops off. As Darrius rides off into the halls, the Kill Team finally realizes what Fluffles was. A Juggernaut of Khorne.
The kill team decides to continue. Wurrza climbs the stairs, Grakgut spidermans using his rokkit fists, and Wazgor and Kroz fly up, Wazgor faster than Kroz. 'Eadmangla, however, takes some vents up. As he travels the vents, he begins to hear voices echoing down.
"...are you sure this ritual will turn us into Daemon Princes?" "Totally. My uncle works at the eye of terror, and he knows what's what." "Okay...first step is the Blood of a Martyr." "I got the Blood of a guy named Marty, does that count?" "Toss it in." "Now, we need the tears of a virgin, for the dark prince." "I punched a homeless guy until he cried." "Let's try it." "Now, we need the teeth of a rooster." "I have some week-old chicken fingers." "Worth a shot. See what happens." "Now, for the Lord of Change, we need an Icon of Cha-DUDE THAT WAS THE REMOTE." "So?" "Noise left the Pict-caster on Happy Days again!"
The Kill Team finally reaches the top. 'Eadmangla, looks through a vent to see the door and the Lifeguards standing around a bubbling cauldron.
"I think that wo-" 'Eadmangla sees an explosion.
"AH. AHA! IZ YOU GITZ! WOTS YOUZE UP TO?" yells Kroz. 'Eadmangla snipes the remains of the cauldron as the smoke clears.
As the smoke from the explosion clears, the Lifeguards are standing there. "I don't...feel any different." says Sorceror. "LONG TIME NO SEEZ, TIME FER A GUD LARF!" says Kroz. "Look! We daemon now!" points Noise at the horn growing out of his head's left side. "I'm so horny..." says Plague. "OH GODS NEVER DO THAT AGAIN." says Sorceror. "Ha! Hated Deathwatch! You will fall before the fury of the Lifeguards, and-" starts Berzerker. "Positions!" Sorceror frantically yells. The Lifeguards get into position. "You gits!" yells Wurrza, "I'z gonna turn dat bird-'eaded wierdgit inta fried chicken-squig!" "You gits ready fer krumpin'?" yells Wazgor as the Kill Team breaks into their own poses. "Hey, where's Midget?" asks Noise.
UUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
"Whoa." says Berzerker. Out walks Midget...not so small anymore, now inhabiting the body of a Chaos Decimator. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUjxPj3al5U
Each side opens up in the ensuing clusterfuck. Berzerker charges Grakgut while everyone else opens fire. Due to 'Eadmangla's massive stealth, nobody sees him, and he plinks with impunity with his Lascannon. Midget takes a high-damage Lascannon shot to the face and survives, which shocks 'Eadmangla. Wurrza moves up against Midget, as Mega Dred and Decimator clash. Grakgut takes down Berzerker with swift-attacking lightning klaws, though not before Berzerker does heavy damage with his two hellblades. Kroz takes massive damage from a bolt of change and a Storm Laser, but manages to tank it long enough to kill Sorceror and Plague, though having to pull the ripcord on his new Chronometron and have Boldo assist. Wurrza magna-grapples into midget, and tosses him into a wall, crumpling him to the ground. Wazgor unloads into Noise, overloading his shields and dodges long enough for Wurrza to lay down a punishing Bolt of Change.
The Kill Team stands on the roof of the forge. A silence permeates the air.
"All right, boss! We're mopping up here. I must say, the young diggas racked up quite a kill count." says Clarence over vox. "Dats gud!" says Grakgut, "Fer now, make sure dey KRUMP ALL DA HERSHEY." "Heh, of course, boss. We're heading back. I can't seem to find any more enemies." says Clarence. "Dun worry, we got da loot!" says Pliskin over vox.
As Wurrza grabs some bitz of the cauldron, everyone else decides to head out. 'Eadmangla notes Boldo looks rather ill from eating Sorceror's face. "DIS BIT IS A 'ERETIKAL...FING! IT MUST BE SWEPT UP FER DA LIBRARIUM TO...UH, COMBAT MUCKIN ABOUT!" declares Wurrza.
"Maybe we should loot da pants-man's pants." says Wurrza. As the Kill Team boards the Last Danca, they fly up through the smog. As they fly past, they see on the distance the pants-headed man riding into the sunset. He appears to be yelling into his crotch. "No, Eduardo, B Flat! B FLAT! Sing it with me!" "Eh. 'E'll be foine." Wurrza decides.
The Kill Team reaches the Krooza, and the doors slam open. Boldo floats slowly out, not well. Pliskin heads up. "Awright, boss! 'Ere's da loadou-" "DEEEEAAATHWAAAAATCH!"
"YOU WON'T GET RID OF US THAT EASY!" echoes a voice across Krooza's voxes. "Boss, we're detecting something out there!" says clarence. "OH...DEYS ALIVE TO LOOT STILL!" says Wurrza. "GET'EM." says Wazgor. "Hop in." says clarence, with his buggy.
Clarence brings the Kill Team to the bridge. Out the window, the Kill Team can see five capital ships.
"BEHOLD, THE POWER THAT WILL BRING THE IMPERIUM TO ITS KNEES!" yell the Lifeguards. The ships begin moving together. Connecting to each other. "YOU WILL KNOW FEAR, WHEN THE LIFEGUARDS UNLEASH THE FULL POWER OF THE CHAOSKAIGER!" yells Berzerker. "3!" yells Noise. "3?" asks Plague. "Yeah. Everything sounds better when you add a number." states Noise. "What." sighs Sorceror. "Yeah. Maybe we can even have a themesong! You know, like...'Let's Go ChaosKaiger 3!'" says Noise excitedly. "Whatever. DEATHWATCH! YOUR END IS HERE!" yells Berzerker. "GAAHAHAHAAHAHA!" laughs Grakgut, "OI LOIKE 'OW STOOPID YOOZE IZ!"
Then the Kill Team looks down.
Krooza's screens are glowing.
"ROIGHT DEN, IF WE'ZE GUNNA FIGHT A BIG STOMPA, WE'ZE GUNNA FIGHT IT WIF OURZ!" says Kroz, stepping up, "KROOZA KNOWZ WUTZ WUT! TRANSFORM!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ABHFWlmAG4
Krooza's controls fall away, replaced with new ones. Wraith Skranda changes into its backpack form and attaches to the back of Krooza. "PLASMA REACTOR OUTPUT INCREASING!" shows one cogitator, linked to the plasma drives. "FRACTAL MODULE SYSTEM ENGAGED!" shows another, as Krooza's bulkheads begin sealing. Krooza rushes forward, splitting down the middle, its bridge realigning. The Orkross Kannon flies forward, into Krooza's waiting Klaw. As the bridge settles into its head position, Krooza powers up the Orkross Blade.
Supa Dimenshun Stompa mode engaged.
KANNON CHARGE: 0% http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYOe7EYOrAg
ChaosKaiger 3 draws a pair of swords. SDS Looted Krooza and ChaosKaiger 3 charge each other. The Lifeguards even name their attacks. Krooza circle-strafes on evasive, with a salvo of torpedoes and lances. ChaosKaiger 3 charges in with the Chaos Adventure Drive, which Krooza parries with the Orkross Blade. They also unleash the Chaos Fire, a set of melta-cannons. Krooza dodges, however. Krooza responds with Klaw rokkit punches and more lances, the Disruptor Kannons coming to full as a number of Chaoskaiger 3's parts are disabled. Now in melee, ChaosKaiger 3 performs the Chaos Power Bomber, bringing its twin swords down, but it is deflected by Krooza. Unloading the Chaos Super Dynamite, Krooza is hit with a number of point-blank Torpedoes. Krooza grabs ChaosKaiger 3, and just begins punching, seriously damaging ChaosKaiger 3. It is now that ChaosKaiger 3 performs its most devastating attacks. Starting with the Chaos Prominence, ChaosKaiger performs a flurry of blows, a Black Crusade Lightning Attack with its twin blades. Krooza remarkably manages to parry all six attacks. Finally, ChaosKaiger 3 begins glowing, and fires the Chaos Aura Galaxy, a point-blank Nova Cannon. After dodging half the hits, ChaosKaiger 3 furies on the two remaining hits, and heavily damaging Krooza. After Krooza retaliates, the Kill Team notices something.
KANNON CHARGE: 100%
"ORKROSS KANNON, DAKKA!" Yells Kroz. "An' die already!" adds 'Eadmangla. The Orkross Kannon's blades extend, spinning, focusing the energy within. The Orkross Kannon finally fires, a lance of energy flying forward, piercing the Chaoskaiger 3 through its central frame.
"Is it over?" "This blows." "Blaaaaagrh."
The ChaosKaiger 3 Explodes.
As the smoke from the Orkross Kannon clears, the Kill Team notices something amongst the wreckage. One of the swords survived the blast. They grabbed it before it could finish spinning. It feels right. Wraith Skranda disengages, as Krooza begins transforming back to Krooza mode. Wazgor scans the wreckage, and actually picks out Midget's decimator face mask, which he loots.
At this point, the Skanna Jamma begins beeping again. The message begins playing.
"Word up, word up, this is Inquisitor Doggfather. I need that Kill Team that's so good at what they do. The Kill Team gathers together. "Tell'em to meet at the following coordinates."
"We're gonna take back Xaviol."
"DEYZ GIVIN' US OUR OWN FIGHT! I FINK WE'ZE GONNA OBLIGE!" yells Kroz.
With a resounding WAAAAAAGH, Krooza enters the warp, flush from the victory over the Lifeguards.
CHAPTER 25
Krooza has entered the warp, using secret Inquisitorial Warp Paths to rush to the fight. It is surprisingly safe. This greatly disappoints the Kill Team. The Kill Team decides to get shit done in the meantime. Kroz finishes work on the Orkross Kannon, improving its crit rating, and working on other weapons. Wurrza continues focusing raw WAAAAGH into his weapons, failing on the first day but successfully channeling energy into his frag launchers, granting him Fear 1. Grakgut spends two days shaping the demo-charge into a giant icon of Gork, or possibly Mork, and filling it with prometheum to create a titanic FAEB (Fuel-Air Explosive Bomb). Wazgor spends time teaching the children the wonders of dakka. He then tries to teach the children the wonders of choppa, netting success by matching score.
"Heh. Barely got it, boss." says Clarence, "Try it again, boss. Clear your mind and just attack." says Clarence."
Wazgor hits the targets again, getting success, though with no degrees.
"Slightly better, boss." says Clarence, "You know, this reminds me of a story."
The Children and most of the Kill Team gather together. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zp2jtqmgOpM
*** A trukk was going very slow. So slow, one of da boyz got out of the back an' walked up to the kab. The boy yelled to the driva, "Can't ya go any fasta?!" The driva yelled back "Yea, but I kan't leave me trukk while it'z runnin'!" ***
Wazgor laughs. "Where woz 'iz red paint?" asks Wurrza. "Sometimes you try so hard to do something, you forget to actually do it." says Clarence, "Just get stukk in, and you don't need to worry." "Oi loike dat advice. Jus' git stuck in an' quit muckin' about!" declares Grakgut. "Not as good with da Choppa as with Dakka." muses Wazgor, "Guess that makes me bit of an Oddboy." "Do not think about it in that way, that is muckin' about." says Clarence, "Instead, think of how you can use your choppa and dakka to kill your enemies." Clarence collects the children. "I'll be around if you need me, boss." says Clarence.
Krooza exits the Warp, Xaviol visible in the backdrop of spess. Looking out the windows, the Kill Team can see a number of ships, from Military to Inquisition to Rogue Traders. Some ships that stick out are the Dogg Pound, Doggfather's ship, and Studio 69, flagship of the House of Korst'la. Someone hails the Kill Team.
"Deathwatch, you are expected. All the leaders are meeting on Studio 69. More intel will be given upon arrival." Docking data is given for the central bay of Studio 69. "'FORE WE GO!" yells Grakgut, "LOOK AT DIS FING WE MADE!" Grakgut takes the Kill Team to the loot bays, and shows off the massive statue of Mork, or possibly Gork. "Gork an' Mork..." says Wazgor, impressed. "Looks proppa, but wut're dey suppozed ta be?" asks Kroz. "GORK AN' MORK, YA GIT!" yells Grakgut, annoyed. "Izzit 'ollow?" asks Wazgor, rapping on the side. "Dun touch it!" says Grakgut, "It's full'a burna juice!" The Kill Team want to shoot it out of a kannon to see what happens. "Dis iz a... ehehehe... prezent fer Garo next time we seez 'im..." states Grakgut proudly, "But fer now, letz git ovah to da blue git'z krooza."
As the Kill Team hops into the Last Danca, Boldo floats in as well. Boldo looks sick. "Boldo?" asks Wazgor. Grakgut performs Medicae, and determines that Boldo is physically healthy. Wurrza notes something odd about Boldo's psychic signal, but otherwise can't really tell.
Last Danca is shot out the Launch Bays. Kroz makes a deft landing on the central launch bay of Studio 69. The doors fall open, and the Kill Team hear an incredible commotion. "Always wif da racket..." sighs Wazgor.
The area is abuzz with human, tau, dark eldar, and kroot activity. The Humans appear to be mostly guardsmen. They look very scared, and are keeping away from the xenos. As the Kill Team disembarks, a fire warrior runs up.
"Deathwatch!" says the Fire Warrior, "Shas'o Korst'la requests your presence. He's holding the war meeting in the High Rollers Casino. Here is the location."
The Kill Team makes their way through Studio 69. Tt seems everyone is preparing for war. They finally reach the High Rollers Casino after passing multiple nightclubs and racetracks. It seems that even during Wartime, people are still spending their money. As the Kill Team pass numerous gambling tables, and a talon of Black Panthers Dreadnoughts dancing on stage, they finally come up to the War Planning. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWr7v0Kc-f4
"Hey! Deathwatch!" yells Korst'la, "so glad you can make it! Looks like everyone's here!" "Ya know, I wundah why dat Tau git waaaaghs wif da Dark Eldar..." muses Wazgor. "...it's a very long story." says the voice of Khodexus behind him, "Perhaps I'll tell you after all this."
Continuing through, they hear other voices.
"I still don't know why we gotta be here with this little blue fuck." says another voice, "Don't the Emprah say to purge the xeno?" "Man, shut up, Dre." says the voice of Doggfather, "If the xeno's funding it, we can take the Emperor's world back without spending the Emperor's thrones! Don't be a busta." "Indeed! It's great that the Emperor's getting his world back!" says Ecclesiarch Dave. "I look forward to my troops leading the charge! They have been conditioned appropriately!" says Blobert Cankleton, now built like a brick shithouse. "Wuzn't dis place zogged, though?" asks Grakgut. "Almost, but the forces of Chaos hold it! We will take it back, if my name isn't Maximus Huge!" says Maximus Huge, now 9 feet tall. "A ded killy warboss once said, 'Da enemy of my enemy...uh, zogs enemies wif me.'" says Wazgor. "You can say that." says Korst'la, "Chaos holding the primary Astropathic Relay is bad for business." "GARO'Z GONNA TASTE DA GARROTE! WE'ZE GUNNA TURN 'IZ LEKTORS INTA SCRAP-LOOT, AN' KLEANSE DA SECTOR OF 'IZ LEGACY." declares Wurrza. "Let's get this show on the road!" yells Chapter Master Johnson of the Black Panthers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5gMKzoNYtQ
"We are assaulting the capital of Xaviol here." says Doggfather, "It will be primarily an air battle." Doggfather brings up the first theater of the battlefield. "On the ground, Void Guard Armored Companies will start the attack on the spaceport. This will allow us a place to repair and reload mid-battle. Doggfather moves the holographic displays to the second theater, overlooking a bay. "Following that, Lady Cott, are your forces ready?" A small woman holding a servo skull steps up. "Yes." she says quietly. "Good. You will charge through the bay." Doggfather moves to the third theater of the battle. "Following that, we will take the central government center. The Black Panthers will cover the ground. Korst'la, are your men ready?" "My Fly Lords were born ready. Khodexus is sending in his Strike Wyches as well!" declares Korst'la the Third. "An' wut about us?" asks Grakgut. "And You...Deathwatch." Doggfather pauses, "You will lead the attack." "Wuldn't want it any otha way." says Grakgut. "WAAAAAAAGH!" yells Wazgor. "Wut kind uv enemiez shuld we be 'spectin'?" asks Grakgut. "We can expect the air forces of chaos. But don't worry, Deathwatch." says Walrus, "I'll be there to watch you."
"All right, you all have your objectives, any questions?" says Doggfather. "Yeah." says Grakgut, "Where's Garo?" "Somewhere. We don't know." says Inquisitor Dre, "but we know that fool led this attack so he can't be far." "ALL RIGHT! LET'S GET TACTICAL, MARINES!" yells Chapter Master Johnson, who heads out with the Black Panthers. Some look bigger and stronger. "Well then! Good luck, everyone!" Korst'la heads to his fighters. "Pfft! We dun need luck!" declares Grakgut confidently. >This would come back to haunt him later. "KROZ TA KROOZA. GET DEM BOMMAS READY, UZGOB!" yells Kroz. "Roight, boss!" says Uzgob.
As the Kill Team heads out of the High Rollers casino, Boldo begins floating weakly into an alley. "Wurrza, Skooire Boldo ain't right in the 'sad." notes Wazgor. "Check wutz rong wit 'is Waaagh!" adds Grakgut. The Kill Team follows Boldo into the alley, and notes a blue light. "Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger."
Kroz attempts for plasma rokkitz and fails. Wazgor gets calamity vents for his now-overheating weapons. Grakgut orders a meth lab for the ship that will magically create drugs. Wurrza gets a Targeting matrix for the ship, increasing their BS in space. As a team, they get a munitorum, boosting their damage considerably.
"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant as he walks around a corner.
"I'z gonna find one of dem Weird-Doks." says Wazgor. "Ta fix Skooire Boldo, roight?" asks Kroz. "Yep." says Wazgor.
At this point, Wurrza notes the warp sickness emanating from Boldo. Wazgor flies around, until he finds what he's looking for. "'Skuse me, good...fing. Our Chapta's, uh...squig is sufferin' from some sorta warp muckin' about." says Wazgor. It looks like a large flat floating polar bear. Wazgor hears a droning in his head. "Hmmm...yes. Poisoned from warp contact. Not much to do. Your chapter's pet must either live or die based on its own strength." The polar bear floats away.
Wazgor has no idea what the thing was, but Wurrza successfuly infers that if the Nicassar could not help, then it is cause to be worried.
Boldo floats slowly toward the Last Danca. "'salright Skooire Boldo, you'ze da biggest battroid 'round. Yer almost big 'nuff fer ridin'." Boldo chirps as he floats down to one of the chairs on the Danca.
The kill team debates ways to fix Boldo as Kroz flies them back to Krooza for last-minute refits.
"Boss! Oy, boss!" yells Uzgob, "Dat blue git sent sumfin' ova. Sez it kan 'elp. I stuck it on da Danca." "Wot wuz it?" asks Wazgor. "Dunno wot it wuz, but 'e kalled it...EcksKalibur." "Wot kinda name iz dat?" asks Wurrza.
Of course, the players stopped laughing at it when I revealed it. >Excalibur Tactical Laser System: Range 750m, 6d10+10, Pen 10. Upon successfully hitting a target, the TLS will bounce to a new target, requiring a new BS. This can occur up to three times.
The Kill Team gets ready, and jumps back aboard the Last Danca. Shot out once more, they head toward Xaviol. The Kill Team sees numerous Rokk Pods launched, as they take point in a grand formation of Guard Marauders, Tau Barracudas, Dark Eldar Razorwings, and Black Panthers Thunderhawks.
"Oi." laughs Grakgut, "Fink dis counts as a Waaaagh!?" "Maybe it'z betta den da average Waaaagh, kuz we got da weedy xenos ta do it too." says Kroz. "Elfdar Dakka, Tau Dakka, Black 'Umie Dakka..." muses Wazgor, "'ow does Garo stand a chance?"
The Kill Team reaches the outskirts of the capital of Xaviol. Walrus flies by in his Marauder AWACS.
"All planes, commence with mission! We're gonna take back Xaviol today!" says Walrus excitedly. "Hey, if you want use to wait, now's the time to intervene." says Korst'la. "I couldn't get your own mothers to stop you now, if you xenos even have mothers. All planes, assume attack formation! Take'em all!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HGQS5XSoJ4
Wurrza attempts to get in the minds of all the fighters, to better coordinate the fight. While he succeeds, he causes perils and causes the Last Danca's controls to warp, causing some trouble. Opening up with ADMMs, the Kill Team slices through the enemy fighters and missile sites, allowing Void Guard armored companies to make their way to the Starport. Wazgor uses the TLS to full effect, bouncing from target to target. After taking down numerous SAM sites, artillery, and enemy Hell Blades, Walrus finally chimes in.
"All enemy units destroyed! We've got our Starport back!" says Walrus. "Eliminate all enemy elements in the vicinity! We have recaptured the Starport!" says the Void Guard commander. "Continue mission! Some guys still need help out there!" notes Walrus. The Kill Team next heads to the bay. Flying over the bay, lightning strikes the ground, as a Warlord Titan teleports down.
"This is Princeps Cott commanding Asterales Lux! We are about to enter the bay and engage enemy ships! Requesting support!"
The Kill Team now flies against enemy ships in the bay while being covered by the Warlord Titan. While the Kill Team use their autocannons, missiles, and TLS to kill a majority of the ships, the Warlord Titan uses its Volcano Cannon to fire at ships. The Kill Team even activates Skwad Mode, calling down a Rokk Strike, and swarming boyz over a bunch of the boats. While performing anti-ship duty, the Kill Team also takes out numerous ECM jamming aircraft interfering with their missiles. As the last ship falls to the Last Danca's guns, Asterales Lux moves into the bay to provide covering fire for the crusade.
"All threats posed by enemy ships have been eliminated! Many thanks to the Deathwatch, the Imperial Aces!" says Princeps Cott.
"Deathwatch, Chaos forces are arrayed around the capital building! Support the Black Panthers! They're taking heavy fire!" says Walrus.
The Kill Team flies low to hunt out artillery and missile platforms. Korst'la the Third, under the callsign Sky Lord One, flies cover against the fighters while the Kill Team takes out anti air guns and saves the rest of the Black Panthers, Sky Lords, and Strike Wyches. Guns take out fighters, while ADMMs and the TLS bounce from emplacement to emplacement. The Kill Team goes from street to street taking out missile batteries while under heavy fire. The Black Panthers realize they are using the capital building as a re-education camp, and Chapter Master Johnson leads his Black Panthers to free the hostages. The Kill Team takes out the last of the chaos emplacements, and pull up.
"Enemy forces throughout Xaviol destroyed! Mission Accomplished! We have our astropathic relay back!" says Walrus. "Wut da zog kuld dey want wit dis place?" wonders Wazgor.
Suddenly, something breaks over the vox. "...are you getting this? It's not over yet..." "Wot da..." says Kroz. "Your real battle has just begun." "AHAHAHAHA! I FINK WE FOUND'IM!" says Grakgut excitedly. "I tried so hard to free mankind from its false gods. But you kept interfering." Something appears over the horizon. "There's nothing left to say." says Richard Garo.
"Unknown aircraft approaching fast!" says Walrus, "IT'S A FIGHTER! A FAST ONE! MULTIPLE MISSILES, EVADE!"
As the incredibly fast fighter flies past the Kill Team, they only catch a glance at it, reading the words written on the side.
Malebolge. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3wEipapHnw
The ADFX-03 Malebolge Jetfighter is a relic of the Dark Age of Humanity, now bent to Richard Garo's will. Containing ADMMs (All-Directional Multi-Purpose Missiles), SWBM (Shockwave Ballistic Missiles), MPBM (Multi-Purpose Burst Missiles), and Focused Plasma Repeaters, and armor to rival the Kill Team's Last Danca, it is a testament to Mankind's technological superiority. But what made the Malebolge Jetfighter so dangerous wasn't the weapons or armor. It wasn't the speed. It wasn't the fact that it was a Dark Age jetfighter. It wasn't Garo's five fate points. No, what made the Malebolge Jetfighter so dangerous was its pilot was a Vanus Temple Assassin, and thus could effortlessly dodge anything the Kill Team threw at him. Burning through 8 dodges a round simply does not happen.
The Kill Team opens up with a devastating salvo from their ADMMs, and hurt Garo hard. However, he fires back with his own ADMMs. Dodging, the Kill Team goes for another shot. And they realize how annoying 8 dodges are. Garo dodges everything from ADMMs, to the TLS, to guns, to a Lance strike, to Grakgut's air-dropped GorkaMorka FAEB. Kroz even revs up his chronometron, double-tapping the ADMMs, to do minimal damage to Garo. The Kill Team's inability to dodge, however, hurts them as Garo fires his SWBMs, disrupting the air and preventing maneuvers, and MPBMs, which cause a penalty to dodging. Garo also Evil Furys the Kill Team, damagind their engines reducing their speed from a proud 20 AU to a pitiful 4. Garo takes an engine hit as well, sinking to 21 from 30 AU. The Kill Team dogfight Garo, becoming increasingly concerned as Garo pummels them. While you cannot burn through dodges, the Kill Team eventually realizes that they can burn through his Evil Fate. It's a lucky strike from the TLS that ends the battle.
Excalibur fires forth, slicing through the Malebolge Jetfighter.
"YA JUS' KEPT RUNNIN' AWAY, LOIKE A GIT! DATS WOT 'APPENS TA GITS! IZ GETTIN YER ENJINZ NOW!" declares Kroz. "Dat's why dey kall us da Last Danca!" yells Grakgut, "Kuz we'ze da last onez dancin'!"
"To think I could be defeated..." says Garo calmly, "Although my rival, you were spectacular. I shall take my bow by opening my heart and revealing my wisdom." The Malebolge enters a vertical climb. "My life may be over, but your job is not yet done. It is time for you to meet my teacher, the one who freed my mind." says Garo, "Go to Event Horizon. Meet with Necoho." Garo sighs. "To die without leaving a corpse...it seems somewhat fitting." The Malebolge explodes. Some of the Kill Team can't help but salute the explosion. After all, the Ork word for 'favored enemy' is also 'friend.'
"...It's over." says Walrus, "No more enemies detected." "We almost got krumped, didn't we." says Wazgor. "Too klose." replies 'Eadmangla. "Thank you for everything, Deathwatch. It's been an honor to fly alongside you. Walrus out." "UZGOB, WE MIGHT NEED PICKUP!" yells Wazgor over the vox. "Uh...me too." says Uzgob sheepishly. His signal is coming from the boats. "Pliskin, did ya get da Stompa an' da fighta?" asks Wazgor. "Uh, Titan jus' disappeared, boss!" says Pliskin, "But we got da bitz of dat fighta!"
The Kill Team lands at Xaviol Starport, and performs some hasty repairs, enough to get space-worthy. The Kill Team heads back to Krooza after repairs. As the Kill Team lands to begin more in-depth repairs, a cardboard box walks up to them. "Awright, boss! 'Ere's da loadout!"
They received 1000 XP, 6 PF, and the wreck of the Malebolge. But the kill team is excited. For only one problem must be dealt with.
Necoho.
CHAPTER 26
The wreckage of the Malebolge has been transferred to Krooza's launch bay. The fleet is beginning to scatter, Korst'la's battleship beating a hasty retreat from the Inquisitorial ships. "HAHAHAHA. NO MO' GARO. NOW JUS'IZ FLEET LEFT AND WE'ZE...UH..." Kroz ponders, "LOOKIN' FER MO' FIGHTS!" While Kroz heads down to replace bitz from the ADFS-03 Malebolge onto da Last Danca, Wazgor is organizing his quarters when he sees flickers of movement in the shadow.
"...I did promise an answer, I suppose." says old Khodexus as he steps out of the shadows. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2eHh4GcJMQ
"Thought you gits left ta run from the 'kwizitorz?" asks Wazgor.
"I can be exactly where I need to when I need to. But that is beside the point. The full story is far too long, so I will give the concise one." Khodexus takes out a strange colored drink, and recounts his story. "It was nearly 60 years ago, now. I had recently assumed control of the Kabal of the Master Spark by the time-honored tradition of assassination and subtlety." Khodexus pauses. "Well, then again, can tossing the old Archon out the window to be pecked to death by Scourge be considered subtlety?" Khodexus chuckles, "It was certainly unexpected. Anyway I had been leading a realspace raid, my first as the new Archon, and I led us into a trap. The Kabal of the Heaven Sign, the kabal now crushed beneath our boot, lay in wait. Within minutes, my kabal was attacked, our sources of escape cut off. We held out for hours, countering attack with attack, riposte for riposte." Khodexus looks up. "And then Tau filled the skies. Korst'la...Korst'la the First was a new arrival to the sector as well. His men hammered the Heaven Sign, until they retreated. And then he had the audacity to request a meeting. Apparently, he found our fight amusing, which is why he helped. And then we made a deal." Khodexus pauses for a moment. "Korst'la was an idiot. His entire family line are idiots. But they have impeccable business sense. So, while not exactly joining forces, as long as our endeavors are profitable, we work together." Khodexus gathers his things. "Of course, a year or so later, Jamal came into the picture. I quickly deduced that he was a spy from the Black Panthers, to ensure a Xeno does not disrupt the balance of the money flowing through the underworld, but Korst'la didn't care. And Jamal is so inept I believe he forgot his original mission. And so, I have worked with the House of Korst'la for 60 years now. I see no need to stop at the moment." "Flash gitz find a good Warboss so dey kan wotch da flash bitz." says Wazgor. Khodexus backs into the shadows. "My tale is done. You won't see me again. I suppose it was always my problem that I would sometimes keep my word." Wazgor is left alone in his quarters.
The Kill Team gathers to determine where to go next. They pool their information on Event Horizon, the time-distorting warp storm in the sector. The Kill Team decides to spend a few days enacting repairs and preparing their weapons. The engines of the Malebolge are moved to the Last Danca, while Wurrza begins grinding leftover soulstones together to lace the fuel his dreadnought Incinerata with. After a few days, the Kill Team finally gets bored, and they hit da Big Red Button. Krooza enters the warp, shaking and shuddering in excitement.
The trip is expected to take seven days, and the Kill Team is plagued with odd ghost signals on their searchy gubbinz. However, these signals all seem to be heading in the direction of Event Horizon.
This being their longest journey yet, the Kill Team maximizes their time with last minute upgrades and actions. Wurrza hops himself up on multiple drugs, fails his addiction rolls, and manages to imbue his Magna-Grapples with Impervious, granting him a shield equal to his WP. After spending a few days recuperating, he infuses 'Eadmangla's Lascannon with Impervious as well. Kroz replaces Grakgut's side-mounted heavy bolter sponsons with Gauss Blasters, as well as completely finish the Kill Team's weapon upgrades. Grakgut grabs a spare macrocannon shell, and decorates it with all the flash bitz looted from the Necron tomb, as well as pieces of the tomb itself. Wazgor and 'Eadmangla continue searching the halls for Skarfang's Head, but what they find is far worse.
Wazgor comes across a grot laying in the middle of a corridor. It has a look of terror on its face, and is completely grey. Wazgor goes in closer to diagnose the cause of death, but as soon as he touches the corpse, it disintegrates into dust. Unnerved, Wazgor continues further to find one of da boyz laying in the corridor as well, same shade of grey.
"Oy, I fink we need a Dok..." yells Wazgor into his voxcaster, "Dere'z a bunch a grey-lookin' gitz up 'ere.".
'Eadmangla, searching across a different corridor, also comes across a dead ork corpse, also greyed out. 'Eadmangla draws his Lascannon, and heads closer. Out of nowhere, 'Eadmangla hears a screech, and something hits his face. "Eadmangla flails around as he hears a familiar drilling sound, and then...
...it stops. Boldo detaches woozily.
"Oy, I ain't a snack, Boldo!" yells 'Eadmangla. Boldo chirps, sounding incredibly sick, and then rushes into the vents. "Wait! We'll take ya ta see da Dok!" yells 'Eadmangla, but Boldo is gone. "Oi. 'Eadmangla. All Boyz. If youze find Skooire Boldo, Give 'im a 'olla on da kommz so we ken find'im. Lock down da vents till 'e gets ta Grakgut 'an Wurrza's lab, I fink 'es runnin from da Doks." says Kroz over ship vox. Multiple attempts to find Boldo fail, and the Kill Team is worried.
As the week comes to a close, 'Eadmangla configures his Gun Drone into a Sniper Drone, and Wazgor spends some time with the first-graders, tying rokkitz to them and teaching them to fly, while Clarence watches. Grakgut finishes his macrocannon shell, and Kroz applies the final upgrades. Wurrza simply tries to recuperate as many characteristic points as possible before the trip ends.
As da Looted Krooza approaches Event Horizon, the warp currents start to become choppy. Kroz takes the controls, and finally breaks through the storm. Passing into what appears to be the eye, Krooza exits the warp. Space itself is purple as the Warp bleeds into reality. Ahead, the Kill Team notice a single planet, half of it seemingly blown up. The rest looks barely held together by crackling streams of warp energy.
"RUBBYKONZES TO ALL KREW. WE'ZE GOTS A LIVE'UN 'ERE. NOBZ, DUN FERGET TA BRUSH UP YOUZE GUBBINZ WIF DA BLUDTANK." states Kroz over shipvox.
"Kinda Perty. Loike a Kustom Field." states Kroz, "So, any you gitz found Boldo yet?" "'E'z foine." states Wazgor. "Dat'z not wot oi 'eard." says Kroz, in no mood for jokes. "An' not wot oi saw." adds 'Eadmangla. "We jus' gotta krump dis git Garo wuz talkin' bout." says Wazgor. "Gud. Kuz oi likes dat floaty little nob." says Kroz.
The Kill Team hits the searchy gubbinz. It seems to be mostly canyons and cliffs. Warpstorms cover the planet. However, they do notice a place that has been seemingly cleared out. "Dat must be da place." states Kroz, who begins heading to da Last Danca.
The Kill Team makes a pit stop at the Blood Tank, sanctifying their weapons, and then hop aboard da Last Danca. "...Where'z Boldo?" asks Grakgut. "Dunno." says Wurrza, "Kuldn't find'im." "Dis ain't proppa..." says Kroz, "'ez alwayz hoppin' on our 'eads."
The Kill Team waits for a bit, but Boldo does not appear. Disappointed, they hit the engines, and da Last Danca is shot out the launch bay. The Kill Team hits some turbulence on the way down, but straighten up as they fly through a canyon and land. The doors of the Last Danca fall open.
"So. Wots ya fink we'ze gunna deal wif 'ere?" asks Kroz.
Only the lightning responds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRpXT939xT0
The Kill Team can see a small canyon leads to a bigger canyon, then a grand opening into a set of wide flat plains. Navigating the canyon, with a feeling one is being watched, the Kill Team crests a hill to see a titanic building ahead. Built in the style of a stalagmite tapering upward, surrounded by rock pillars, the building stands in the center of the clearing, warp energy scraping across it.
"WE ZOGGED GARO, DA LIFEGUARDS, AN' WAY TOO MANY...OTHA WEIRD FINGS. WE TURNED A FLYIN' BUG TA BITZ, AND WE'ZE GOTS ENUFF DAKKA TA FUEL A BUNCHA WAAAGHS! WOTEVER WE GO TO, WE'ZE PROPPA BOYZ! IZ YOU GITZ READY TA CHARGE DA BUILDING?" yells Wurrza, "WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" "I'Z COOKED CARNIFEX, GROT, WRAITHBONE, TRYGON, ELFDAR, GEMS, GOLD, SOULSTONE, OREGANO, ALLSPICE, GRAINS OF PARADISE, KOSHER SALT..." lists Wazgor. "Let'z get goin' den." interrupts Grakgut. "WE AIN'T GOT NUFFIN TA BRAG TA ROIGHT NOW. SUMWUN'Z GOTTA APPEAR 'FORE WE KAN SEZ DA LIFE LESSUNZ." adds Kroz.
The Kill Team heads full tilt through the sandy plains towards the building. "Eadmangla dons his cardboard box and takes point. Reaching the building first, 'Eadmangla climbs the stairs. It's a 5 minute climb, but he reaches the top easily. Entering the building, it looks more like a cathedral. Pillars extend into the blackness as 'Eadmangla makes his way through, the Kill Team following behind. As the Kill Team reaches the middle of the hall, they look around. Across the darkness, they hear barking. Between each pillar is a Lector.
Staring.
The Kill Team makes their way past the wide hall into a smaller room. Opening one of the doors, they see a small room with a fireplace and desk. Finding nothing of interest, they open the second door, revealing a blue light.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger." says the Merchant.
The merchant is running a sale today, all items +20. Kroz acquires a bag of Lathe Shavings, which he superglues to his armor. Wazgor gets a box of cryo grenades. 'Eadmangla acquires a Chiropteran scout craft. Wurrza picks up a box of Micro-Krak grenades to fill his stikkbomm chukka with. Grakgut, on a whim, acquires a best-quality nuke. As a team req, they get ship repairs.
"Heh heh heh, thank you." says the Merchant as he walks through another door.
Grakgut considers poking and prodding the Lectors, but decides against it when all their weapons charge simultaneously. "Eadmangla tries to sneak some C4 under them, but they detect it easily, though finding 'Eadmangla is not so easy. The Kill Team see that half the Lectors are staring at the last door they have not opened. Deciding to leave the Lectors for later, they enter the last door.
"How nice of you to finally arrive, " says a voice, "I was beginning to wonder when you'd finally come." "Well, da traffik wuz chaotic." says Grakgut. An enormous man walks forward. In one of his six arms is a three-bladed sword. He wears simple white clothing. The Kill Team can see something odd about his forehead. He looks slightly serpentine. "Of course, it would be rude to expect you before you meant to arrive." says the enormous man, "Do you care for refreshments, or should we get straight to the fight, as orks are wont to do?" "Both iz gud," says Kroz, "Drinks first, den dakka an' choppa. We'ze got mannerz, ya know." "Doubt ya 'ave grog." says Wazgor. A Lector appears, its prehensile arm holding a tray of cups. "I trust you know who I am?" the man asks, his face a calm smile. "You'ze Necocoa Puffz, right?" says Grakgut. "Dat git Garo wuz talkin' bout." adds Wazgor.
"You can say that." says Necoho, "and yes, Garo was my greatest student. A shame he fell in battle to you. I want nothing more to free you from your slavery to false gods. The humans and their Emperor, the Legions and Chaos, even you are enslaved to the concept of 'Gork' and 'Mork." The Kill Team stiffens up. "I can help you." says Necoho, "But the next step lies with you. "If dere wuz no Gork an' Mork, dere'd be no Orkmas!" says Grakgut. "Humans have parents, and the concept of the Emperor. The closest approximation would be your nobs. While human young are told the Emperor gives them gifts, it is actually their parents. In your case, it would be your warbosses and meks who offer new tech to test." states Necoho. "Dat ain't right." says Grakgut. "Soundz like sumfin' a git who got dull choppa fer orkmas sed." says Wazgor. "Sides," says Grakgut, "Dakka komes frum da 'eart!" "It's a logical path from junk to dakka. I can show you more." says Necoho. "Junk?" says Grakgut, "Oi only see mo' loot!" "Junk, loot, all the same." says Necoho, "I must say, I find this conversation amusing."
>Note: This last bit was heavily edited. I misunderstood what the Kill Team meant, and the conversation got strange. It has been cleaned up here to make sense.
"Now. Wut iz it ya want?" asks Grakgut, "Kuz...Oi fergot why I'z 'ere." "I will offer you one chance." says Necoho, "Stand with me, and together we can free this galaxy from false gods. Refuse, and there will be nothing more to say." "Oi! Lads! 'uddle!" yells Grakgut.
The Kill Team gets together. "Why'z we 'uddlin' anyway?" asks Wurrza. "Cuz dat git'z got a point..."says Grakgut, "An' Oi want it!" The kill team breaks huddle.
"...Kud it be, you dun loike yerself?" asks Kroz. "What do you mean?" says Necoho, "How can I be a god? What a grand and intoxicating innocence you hold." Meanwhile, Grakgut gets closer. "Me komputah sez godz're big warp fings lotsa gitz believe in," says Kroz, "An' Garo an' 'iz gitz believed in ya, so dat makes ya one." "Besides," adds Wurrza, "We know Gork an' Mork exist out dere, all da otha godz musta just rejected ya!" "Ova all...ya got a good point," says Grakgut, who has moved directly in front of Necoho. "Why dontcha show me dat point?"
Grakgut makes a grab for Necoho's spear. Necoho, however, passes Rapid Reaction. "Too slow, Grakgut." he says. 'Eadmangla pops a shot from stealth, but Necoho still dodges. He doesn't exactly need eyes to see. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foaNVrvhpnM Necoho opens with a lightning attack against Grakgut, who weathers the storm. The Kill Team opens up almost simultaneously. While Necoho is not wearing armor, he still has a PR50 shield that does not overload, as well as his Halberd. He also has the strange ability to always be somewhere else when shot at. While 'Eadmangla and Wazgor pick through his dodges, Wurrza buffs himself while Kroz and Grakgut do some heavy damage. The problem, of course is pinning him down. Many times the Kill Team charge or punch, only to connect with air, and Necoho calmly smiling from a few meters away. Ultimately, Wurrza unloads a mess of Micro-Stikkbomms, and Necoho staggers back.
"Ah...I see you are serious in your misled convictions. No need to hold back then." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jI9r_GQQMc
Necoho holds out two of his arms. A ball of flame appears, which he holds. He also manifests a set of ancient-looking armor.
"This isn't even my final form!" yells Necoho.
"You got no final form kuz you dun know wot ya are! You'ze da god uv muckin' about!" yells Kroz, "An' dis is our final form!"
Kroz pulls the ripcord on his Chronometron. Grakgut lights his fists on fire. Wurrza casts Warptime on himself. 'Eadmangla and his sniper drone open fire from concealed positions. Wazgor revs up his infused Thermal Lance. However, Necoho is no slouch. Fully powered up, Necoho has Terminator-class armor as well as his multitude of Navigator-class powers. Shooting gouts of flame from the energy coalesced in his hand (Immolate the Soul), Necoho can also speed himself up on a whim with Tides of Time and Space, and he still rewrites reality whenever he's hit (The Course Untravelled, modified to be a dodge). His forehead is also strangely glowing. He still wields his rather devastating halberd skillfully, and he is no small source of annoyance to the players. Zipping from one Kill Team member to another, always somewhere else when shot, Necoho controls the battlefield flawlessly. Still, the Kill Team manages to land quite a few hits on him.
Ultimately, Wazgor's infused lance forces him back. The kill team finally sees that his forehead is fully glowing.
And then his third eye opens.
Necoho also has the Lidless Stare. The wave of energy hits the kill team. No toughness bonus, no armor, no wards, no shields. The Kill Team is put close to negatives in one hit. The worst part is that only Grakgut passes the test to unstun himself - the rest are stunned for two rounds. Grakgut attempts a charge, but it is shielded. Necoho uses Tides of Time and Space to give himself a new action, calmly walks out melee, and his forehead begins to glow again. Necoho smiles, as his third eye opens once again. Until the kill team hears a screech echo through the air.
Boldo.
The Kill Team hears the familiar drilling sound as Boldo begins going full throttle into Necoho. Landing RIGHT on the third eye, Boldo begins to drain Necoho, who is screaming and clawing at Boldo as his very essence drains away. The Kill Team see Necoho begining to turn grey. Necoho's grey body falls to the ground.
As does Boldo. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzdKil3j5jw Boldo gets up and floats toward the stunned Kill Team. Boldo chirps, in incredible pain from absorbing so much warp energy. Boldo flops to the ground once more. Boldo forces himself back into the air, sinking all the while and finally lands amongst the kill team.
"Boldo...'e saved da day!" yells 'Eadmangla. "Dun...dun go stickin' yer straw inta weird 'oles!" says Grakgut. "Boldo! Boldo, we'ze gonna operate now! Dun' worry!"
Boldo chirps one more time.
And then explodes.
The sheer amount of energy Boldo drained washes over the Kill Team. Everyone gets up, seemingly refreshed. Still in shock over Boldo, they look to Necoho.
Who gets up. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCaHWWW9yDQ
Necoho has no toughness bonus, no armor bonus, no powers, no talents, no traits, nothing. Necoho at this point is held together only by his Daemonic Warp God essence. And since the Kill Team sanctified all their weapons, he doesn't even have that. Boldo drained everything. And the Kill Team, enraged beyond recognition, holds nothing back as they unload into Necoho. Each attack pierces more and more daemonic essence away. Ultimately, it is Grakgut who performs a double-fury flaming shoryuken, sinking his power klaw deep into Necoho.
As the fist connects, Nehoco is engulfed in flame. Nehoco bursts into a flash of light.
The Kill Team feels the light overtake them-
CHAPTER 27 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdGlJOZxRuA
The light recedes, and the Kill Team finds themselves in a very familiar place. Once again, the Kill Team floats among the rocky outcropping of the Graveyard, purple skies flickering above.
"Back 'ere?" asks Grakgut annoyedly. "OI REMEMBAH DIS PLACE..." says Wurrza. "Dis wuz da first time ya zogged yerself." states Grakgut.
"Yes..." echoes the voice of Zuvassin, "back to where we started, where your story ends."
"Wait, Oi thought we krumped ya!" yells Grakgut. "Oh, don't mind me, I'm just watching as always." states the whispery Zuvassin, "You're looking for Necoho, no?" "We krumped dat git," declares Wazgor, "an' dat Garo, too!" "You truly think that? How interesting." laughts Zuvassin, "I shall return to...assisting you. Be on your guard."
The Kill Team is once again engulfed by silence as Zuvassin returns to his function as Dice Roller.
"Ya know, I'z lerned sumfin'," begins Kroz, "Sumtimez, fings wot dun stay krumped ain't as gud fer a larf as dem Lifeguard gits wuz." "Yeah, so where iz dat scaly git anywayz?" asks Grakgut.
"Right here, Grakgut." states Necoho. The kilometers tall form of Necoho raises his three-blade sword.
"I know not who you were talking to, but it is inconsequential and illogical." states Necoho, "You are here because you followed me. It no doubt had something to do regarding what was stolen from me, and given to you by that floating thing."
"Ya mean looted. Skooire Boldo looted everyfing ya 'ad." states Kroz proudly. "Boldo zogged ya in da face in 'is WAAAGH!" yells Wazgor. Grakgut elbows Wurrza, "Oy, get a load a dis git. 'E'z big."
"I see no reason to keep you around here, cleansing you is a simple matter." states Necoho.
His forehead begins glowing...
...and then explodes.
"BOSS! WE AIN'T TOO LATE, ROIGHT?" says Uzgob over the vox. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2YpiJjj61A#t=1m05s
Looking up, the Kill Team see two holes smoking in the sky. They feel a rumbling, and the holes become a crack. The crack becomes a fissure. Finally the sky explodes as Krooza punches its way through. Burning with the green energy of the WAAAAGH, Krooza knees the ground.
"Hop on, boss." says Clarence, who pulls up in the buggy, "I'll take you where you need to be."
"'Bout time ya got'ere, Uzgob. We'ze all a'spess ta take care of!" yells Kroz, as the Kill Team boards the buggy. "Wuzn't us, boss. It wuz all Krooza! We'ze jus' along fer da ride!" replies Uzgob. "Dun't sound so konfuzed! Kroozas jus' az orky az any uv us!" states Grakgut. "No time, boss! Gotta go fast!" says Clarence as he sanics the Kill Team to the bridge. "Clarence, Boldo krumped Necocoa...an' 'imself..." states Wazgor flatly. "I'm...sorry to hear that. I'm sure he went out like a true boy." says Clarence. The Kill Team finally reaches the bridge. "We're all behind you, boss." says Clarence.
As Kroz takes the wheel, Grakgut mans the fists, Wurrza mans his Wizard Tower, while Wazgor and 'Eadmangla man the guns, Krooza stands up. And Krooza roars, a reverberating roar of rage and power.
"AWRIGHT, KROOZA! GO TIME!" yells Kroz.
Krooza sticks out its arm. The Orkross Kannon flies forward. Krooza's weapons all stand at maximum.
Supa Dimenshun...no, Supa Galaxy Stompa Mode engaged.
Necoho opens the fight by condensing Warp energy into a blast of warpfire, which Krooza manages to dodge. Nehoco also forces numerous floating rocks and planetoids to impact Krooza, slightly scratching the paint. Krooza retaliates, with a devastating short blast from the Orkross Kannon, raking lance fire, and a rocket punch. This stumbles Necoho back through multiple floating rocks, and he turtles, forming protective void shields around himself.
Necoho then retaliates by grabbing a pair of passing Warp Storms, and tosses them at Krooza. While Krooza can dodge one, the other spins deep into Krooza's hull, exposing some of the ship. This, of course, only encourages da boyz, who begin shooting outside. Krooza punches some planetoids in an attempt to make boxing gloves, then goes on the offensive. After firing the Orkross Kannon to bring down Necoho's shields and use his dodge, it opens up for the rest of the kill team to use lance and rocket punch to strafe Necoho.
Necoho takes a moment to regenerate his shields. He grabs one of the larger Warp storms and Tosses it in Krooza's general direction. Krooza deftly dodges though, in time to parry a charge from Necoho. Now in melee range, Krooza starts swift- attacking with its Klaws, and though Necoho can parry some, he can't parry them all. Along with supporting Lance fire, Krooza is holding its own.
"So, wut're we doin' wit' dat nuke?" asks Kroz. "We gotta slam it on 'is 'ead, den krown 'im 'Boss o' da stoopid gits' or sumfin'." replies Grakgut. "DEN JUS KALL IT GRAKGUT'S KROWN OF REAL FINGZ, AN SLAP'IM WHEN E'Z KRUMPED!" yells Kroz.
Necoho once again blasts a gout of Warpfire at Krooza, which dodges. However, he grabs another large warpstorm, gives it a good spin, and sends it careening at Krooza.
"Oi, Grakgut, Give it back ta'im!" yells Kroz. "Oi dun want it!" replies Grakgut.
Krooza takes up a sure-footed stance, and raises the Orkross Blade. Krooza swings, and sends the warpstorm back, slightly faster. What results is a Dead Man's Volley, the Warpstorm getting faster and harder to parry as it goes back and forth. Ultimately, Necoho fails his parry, and is hit by the Warpstorm. Krooza rushes in, Lances blazing.
As Krooza reaches melee, Necoho sends more planetoids at Krooza, followed by a lightning attack with his three-blade sword. Krooza parries elegantly, but an attack gets through anyway.
"'OW"Z DAT FER A WEEDY GIT! WE'ZE DIS BIG, AN ALL YOUZE KEN DO FER DAKKA IS TOSSIN' ZOGGIN LITTLE ROKKS?" laughs Kroz. "BAHAHAHAHA!" laughs Grakgut. "I do not need to fight to spread knowledge and logic." states Necoho, nonplussed "You are a special case." "SO AS 'E'Z DA GOD O' MISERABLE PILES O' SCRAP TA LOOT," says Wurrza, "I FINK WE SHULD DO SUMFIN' 'BOUT DAT." "I wunda wot ya use ta marinate a khaos git..." muses Wazgor.
Krooza fires its guns, but finally powers up the Orkross Blade and the Lifeguard Blade. Wazgor grabs the controls, and with lightning precision unleashes the Orky Thunda, a dual-wielded lightning attack, Black Crusade style. Necoho fails to parry some, and Krooza does incredible damage. The force sends Necoho flying backwards through a Warpstorm.
"That's it! The end!" yells Necoho, as he sticks out his arms. He focuses together all the warp energy he can muster. The space between his six arms begins charging. And then the Kill Team looks down.
KANNON CHARGE: 100%
"IF YA CAN'T STAND DA DAKKA..." yells Wazgor, "STAY OUT OF DA ORKZ!"
The Orkross Kannon's blades spin, and focus the energy within. The Orkross Kannon fires, only to meet Necoho's wave of warp energy.
"Oy, I told ya not ta shoot yet!" yells Grakgut, annoyed. "'E shot first!" retorts Kroz. "Unlike you, I have all the time in the universe!" yells Necoho.
As Krooza and Necoho stand at stalemate, the Kill Team hears a voice over the vox, a voice they never expected to hear.
"BOSS!" yells Skarfang's Head.
"YA KNOW, I'Z BEEN FINKIN'..." yells Skarfang's Head. "Kuz dat's all ya kan do now..." whispers Kroz, laughing. "ALL DIS TIME, I'Z BEEN TRYIN' TA BE DA BOSS..." Skarfang's Head says, "BUT'ERE YOU IZ, LEADIN' DA BOYZ TA WAAAAAGH! AND ALL I'Z BEEN DOIN' IZ MUCKIN' ABOUT."
Skarfang's Head turns to Necoho.
"SO, TODAY, I'Z 'ERE TA 'ELP, AS JUS' ONE OF DA BOYZ" "KRUMP'IM, YA CRAZY GIT!" yells Wazgor. "SHOW'EM WOT AN ORK WAAAAAGH IZ MADE OF!" adds Wurrza.
"WAAAAAAAAAAGH" yells Skarfang's Head, as a number of other boyz join in the charge. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDGdvskRqe4
As Skarfang charges Necoho, the Orkross Kannon seems to glow with even more energy. The blades extend to a full 90 degrees, and the endless wave from the Orkross Kannon's now supercharged Hypertronium Buster Cannon Mode (their suggestion) washes over Necoho, hitting every point in space and time simultaneously thanks to the vagaries of the warp. The Orkross Kannon finally stops firing, the energy remaining focusing into the Orkross and Lifeguard Blades.
For the briefest of moments, Necoho is stunned. And the Kill Team seizes the opportunity.
As Krooza rushes forward, the purple sky pops a green light here, there, until the entire sky glows green. The Kill Team feels themselves propelled by the very WAAAAGH itself. As Krooza rides the tidal wave of WAAAGH energy, Necoho's unconscious form brings rocks together in a wall...
...which Krooza smashes through.
"DIS IZ DA WAAGH! NO LOGIK KAN ECKSPLAIN DAT!" yells Grakgut.
Necoho manifests a wall of Warp energy...
...which Krooza slices through.
"DIS IZ IT, BOYZ! LOOTED KROOZA, ORKROSS KANNON, DAKKA!" yells Kroz.
As Krooza approaches Necoho, Krooza draws the Nuke.
"YOO BEEN TRYIN' TA ECKSPLAIN SUMFING TO US! BUT DAT WUN'T WERK!" yells Grakgut, "KUZ YOO KAN'T PLAN AGAINST SUMFING YOO DUN'T GET!"
Krooza accelerates faster and faster, the WAAAGH growing stronger and stronger. Finally, out the left and right, the Kill Team sees, extending out of the tidal wave, two bulky arms wielding two massive choppas, one to their left, one to their right.
"OUR SHOOTAZ IZ BESTEST, OUR CHOPPAZ IZ JUS BETTAH, AN EVEN LOGIK'S GUD FER US AND YOUZE A GIT. EAT IT, EAT IT ALL!" yells Kroz.
Krooza finally crashes into Necoho, the nuke and the two choppas hiting simultaneously, only the echo of WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH sounding through. The Kill Team is blinded by the resultant flash.
As the dust clears, Krooza is kneeing the ground, the wave of waaagh energy beginning to dissipate, the two bulky arms and choppas receding in. Looking behind, Necoho is in pieces.
"Was I...a god this entire time?" he pauses, "Then perhaps it is best...for an end to all things."
Necoho explodes.
"I fink 'e got da point..." says 'Eadmangla. "But dey keep explodin'." says Grakgut, "Kan't eat dat!" "Explodin'. All da zoggin' time." sighs Wurrza.
The Graveyard begins rumbling. "Uh, Boss? We'ze got a problem!" says Uzgob. "No problem we kan't solve!" yells Wazgor. "Dis place iz explodin! We need ta go! Problem iz, da warp engine kontrolz are down in da otha side of da ship!" says Uzgob. "Boss, I-" says Clarence as he drives up. However, he hits some wreckage, and flips over. "Clarence!" yell the Kill Team simultaneously. "Boss, you need to get there fast." says Clarence, "Use the buggy or the Ravagork..." "Wot about you?" asks Grakgut. Clarence looks at his hurt leg. "I'd join you, but it seems I've caught Plot- Induced Acute Boneitis." Clarence beckons the Kill Team forward. "Go! I'll be fine!"
Grakgut has his grot manservant Grakkagrak bring Clarence to the painbay, while the Kill Team boards the Ravagork. Kroz guns the engines as everyone draws their weapons. The Kill Team begins making their way to the Warp Core. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_pAa9252Uo
The Kill Team makes their way through a hall, when they get to the battle- damaged sections of Krooza. The Kill Team can see swarms of Lectors engaging da boyz. This is a target-rich area, and the Kill Team cannot help but take potshots as they drive.
While Grakgut, Wazgor, and Wurrza pad their kill counts, Kroz brings the Ravagork through the halls and hangars of Krooza, dodging falling debris, explosions, and Lector swarms. Weaving through pillared hallways and powersliding across the wreckage, degrees of success are counted as the Kill Team make their way through Krooza. After a few hangups, the Kill Team finally gun it through. They even call down their Dracosquig, which breathes sanctified fire and flies in formation with the Kill Team. As the Kill Team rides through the Catacombs of Krooza, they realize they're getting close.
"Ya know, Oi nevah thought da ship wuz DIS big!" says Grakgut. "Its 'uge. I told ya it woz BIG when I'z plugged in!" replies Kroz. "It'z just kuz we alwayz seem ta jus' git ta placez we need ta go, know wut oi mean?" asks Grakgut, "Loike we'ze been travelin' at da speed uv narrashun or sumfing."
The Kill Team finally hit every possible button on the Ravagork, and they make the final jump through a hallway. The Ravagork skids to the ground, its engines burned out...conveniently next to the warp terminal.
The Kill Team smashes the button simultaneously, and Krooza shudders as the Warp Drive sends them out of the Graveyard.
After about 10 minutes, the shuddering stops. The Kill Team left part of the warp onto a different section of the warp to leave the Warp. The Kill Team finds themselves outside the Warpstorm of Event Horizon. Krooza has landed on a small travelling asteroid. "...WE DID IT." thunders Wurrza flatly. "We'ze gonna need sum fixin'." says Kroz. "Phbahahaha! We'ze got all da time in da wurld fer dat!"
Checking on Clarence, he is doing fine. "Gess da onlee kure 'e needed wuz fer da plot to uninduce it." says Grakgut. "Oy, dun' be a meta-git." says Wurrza. "You could say that, boss." says Clarence. It still hurts to move a bit, but clarence seems to be fine. "Thought you wuz zogged!" says Wazgor. "I'm more resilient than that, I guarantee it!" says Clarence.
"Oy, boss...get to da bridge...dere's sumfin' ya need ta see." says Pliskin.
As the Kill Team gets to the bridge, Krooza is standing tall over the asteroid, overlooking Event Horizon. All of a sudden, an ork krooza warps in. Followed by another. And another. Tens. Hundreds.
Thousands.
"Oy, We'ze 'ere fer da WAAAAGH!" says one of the ships, "LEAD ON, BOSS!" "Ehehehe. Oi loike where dis iz goin." laughs Grakgut. "DIS IZ KROZ RUBBYKONZES, DA LOOTED KROOZA OF DA DEFFWOTCH. STATE YER INTENDED FOIGHTIN AND IDENTIFY YERSELVES. KUZ IF YOUZE IZ 'ERE TA KRUMP DA GAWDZ, YOUZE IZ JUS BIT LATE" yells Kroz. Grakgut pushes Kroz out of the way. "IF YOU'ZE 'ERE FER A WAAAAGH! YA FOUND DA ROIGHT PLACE!" yells Grakgut. Wazgor pushes Grakgut out of the way. "I'z makin' da food!" yells Wazgor. "You jus' bring us to da fight, and we'll krump ev'ryone!" says one of the ships.
"Ya know, dat Emprah git nevah kalled us back." says Grakgut. "Dat's right up rude." says Wazgor. "Let'z pay'im a visit." says Grakgut.
Krooza transforms back into Krooza mode. Wraith Skranda disengages. Everyone presses the Big Red Button, and Krooza enters the Warp once more, sights set on Holy Terra to see why da god of da 'umiez iz muckin' about, the hundreds of thousands of ork ships following suit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4lNGz-2TaQ
The Kill Team, on the way, are polishing their armor, reloading their guns, and generally preparing. But the room is unfortunately quiet, and the silence is deafening.
And then the Kill Team hears a thump.
"Oi thought da kreditz wuz rollin' alreddy!" says Grakgut. "Nah, this is the seene after da kreditz!" says Wazgor.
Grakgut, Kroz, and Wazgor realize it's coming from a nearby toolbox. Approaching the box carefully, it falls off its perch, opening to the ground.
Out fly two incredibly quick forms. The two baby battroids circle each other, chirping. And then they stop.
And stare at the Kill Team.
"...Boldo...?" asks Grakgut. The two battroids chirp.
"MO' BOLDOS!" yells Wazgor.
There is a final episode, but for some reason it wasnt in the collected visions. In it, the deffwotch make it all the way to Terra, commune with Emps himself, and meet the next campaign's opponent. To read it, visit http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20294845/
For the complete (at time of writing) collection of Shas'O storytiems, go to https://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/42914088/#42916071, which should have the links. Unless the archives die again, or something. If that happens, look up Deffwotch at http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Deffwotch . While i consider Deffwotch to be the best of the storylines, or at least the most fun, the others are still excellent. Other examples of excellent /tg/ storytimes are TwoDee does Shadowrun and the All Guardsmen Party.