Voices in the Band
Voices in the Band What is the course of the life Of mortal men on the earth?— Most men eddy about Here and there—eat and drink, Chatter and love and hate, Gather and squander, are raised Aloft, are hurl’d in the dust, Striving blindly, achieving Nothing; and, then they die— Perish; and no one asks Who or what they have been, More than he asks what waves In the moonlit solitudes mild Of the midmost Ocean, have swell’d, Foam’d for a moment, and gone. Matthew Arnold, “Rugby Chapel,” st. 6 (1867) Introduction am an AIDS doctor. I originally did my residency training in internal med- I icine, and in 1992 I started working for Dr. Jon Jacobs at the Center for Spe- cial Studies, the AIDS care center in New York City. At that time the idea of an HIV specialist was in its infancy. While we knew what caused AIDS, how it spread, and how to avoid getting it, we didn’t know how to treat it or how to prevent our patients’ seemingly inevitable progression toward death. The stigma that surrounded AIDS patients from the very beginning of the epi- demic in the early 1980s continued to be harsh and isolating: mention AIDS and people imagined promiscuous homosexuals and heroin addicts, all of them skinny and covered with purple spots. They remembered those early photos of diaper-clad, emaciated men with scraggly beards looking fear- fully into the face of the priest or nun leaning over their hospital bed. People looked askance at me: What was it like to work in that kind of environment with those kinds of people? My patients are “those kinds of people.” They are an array and a combina- tion of brave, depraved, strong, entitled, admirable, self-centered, amazing, strange, funny, daring, gifted, exasperating, wonderful, and sad.
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