THE DAILY FELIX WEDNESDAY 2ND MARCH KEEP THE CATCAT FREE CAMPAIGNING BEGINS Happy Birthday Jobs! Students make international HOO-RAH! THE SABB news with Steve Jobs ELECTIONS ARE HERE: PAGE 2 birthday website: Page 3 Visa “victory” for scientists BUSINESS Government alters visa restrictions to favour researchers

CaSE Ian Wei non-EU researchers that are so impor- points provided he or she did not qualify tant for our research base”. for any extra points based on occupation. Last week, the government announced ‘CoS’s are a necessary part of the appli- While it has been mutually agreed alterations to the proposals to curb im- cation for a Tier 2 visa, the visa route by that the new proposals are far better for migration to reflect the importance of which a significant number of research- science and engineering sectors than the research to the UK amid much fanfare ers come into the UK. These certificates previous ones, the continued existence The hairstyling from activists and campaigners. The can be issued by sponsoring institutions, of a cap on Tier 2 visas threatens the ef- change will see a new restricted ‘cer- such as Imperial, though sponsors have fectiveness of the proposed changes. business: Page 4 tificate of sponsorship’ (‘CoS’) system a limit on the number of certificates that The cap on Tier 2 visas has been set at where researchers are favoured sig- can be issued every month. 21,700 for the next year, around 70% of nificantly over other applicants. From The new restricted system will be a the official figure for last year, following April of this year, the government will monthly points-based system, where the governments pledge to reduce immi- implement an extra monthly system for sponsors can apply for extra ‘CoS’s for gration numbers from the hundreds of sponsoring institutions to apply for extra applicants. The applicant will then be thousands to the “tens-of-thousands” TELEVISION ‘CoS’s. given a score based on both salary and by 2015. The official document for the Imran Khan, director for the Cam- occupation. Applicants with the highest proposals has not clearly outlined how paign for Science and Engineering number of points per month will be allo- the new restricted ‘CoS’ will work in (CaSE), the leading independent ad- cated a restricted ‘CoS’. Extra points are tandem with the Tier 2 visa cap. vocate for the science and engineering Imran Khan of CaSE added if the applicant is intending to ap- When talking to an administrator of a sectors hailed the news as a “important ply for a post classified as a shortage oc- research group about the new proposals, victory for the science and engineering cupation, a post-doctoral position, high- the biggest concern was the possibility sector”, but added that CaSE would “[It’s an] important er education teaching professionals, or of the changing of the amount of ‘CoS’s “work closely with the UKBA [United almost any science-based researchers. sponsoring institutions can issue. Kingdom Borders Agency] to make sure victory for the Under the new points-based system, a On top of that, the new changes in- this package works for Britain, as well science researcher earning over £20,000 clude a new minimum income require- as making sure that other aspects of the science and per annum would get a total of 52 points, ment and increasing language require- A moody trip into immigration system – including student whereas an applicant earning £149,999 ments for applicants. visas – don’t prevent the recruitment of engineering sector” per annum would only get a total of 30 ...Continued on Page 3 teen angst: Page 7 EXPLORING THE GAMES DEPTHS OF SPACE In the Science Pullout: How Imperial scientists are leading space exploration Graphics do not make a game: Page 9 2 WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 THE DAILY FELIX

HIGHLIGHTS [email protected] Afonso Campos From Beneath the Editor’s Desk On campus today Ben Scally Today is rather calm. The offi ce is at peace – except for a moment of panic where it appeared that Lies, damned lies and the Fonzie had crashed the server – and we’re buzzing light fantastic along nicely to the print deadline. Monday evening, Professor Martin McCall takes you through the weird on the other hand, was and wonderful world of light and why it doesn’t always rather different. travel in straight lines at constant speed, or even bend I always tell people, according to the laws of refraction that we all know (and those who will listen that love). Register in advance via [email protected] is, that part of the reason that I feel confi dent to I think, on refl ection, that I’ll vote for Justin Bieber. Bieber for LT1, Blackett Laboratory advise contributors and President!!! Viva la Bieber! editors about their articles, or the layout of a page, is 17:30-18:30 that I’ve already made every mistake that there is to make. For example, in my 1st year I printed part of the same article two weeks running, while in my 2nd year I had an ignominious fact-checking fail. On Monday night, Candidates begin I accidentally deleted two pages of the Music Pullout... RAG Slave Auction with only an hour to go until the deadline. (Didn’t I say that the hypothetical failure of the Daily would rest on my campaigning Come along and ‘buy’ the Sabbs (and other ‘luminaries’) shoulders?) by making them perform an act for cash. Outbid your peers But today is much better. The server did not crash so to win the President (naked butler anyone?) much as hiccup, and there’s an offi ce full of Editors com- Maciej Matuszewski Parmar and Stefan Bauer. The candi- pleting their pages to the easy melodies of Ducktails. No Aemun Reza dates for Deputy President (Finances Metric doubt some terrible piece of news will crash through the and Services), who is also responsible offi ce door at any moment and ruin my front page again With Sabbatical Elections right around for organizing the Summer Ball, are 20:00 onwards – I shall not name names, but cancelling an event does the corner, the candidates for the dif- Rebecca Clark, Michael Foster and ruin ones ability to photograph it. ferent positions are getting geared up Chia Lim. Jehan Pasangha, Mevani I feel that I should make some point, so I shall say this: for a fi erce week of campaigning for Jagodage and Nicolas Massie are cam- @feliximperial If you see a Felix Editor or contributor around campus, the voting period that starts next week. paigning for Deputy President (Wel- give them a smile or say “well done”. They’re really work- In yesterday’s initial election meet- fare) and only Monya Zard is stand- ing their asses off and they truly deserve recognition. ing, the terms of campaigning were set ing for Deputy President (Clubs and with the different opportunities for the Societies) Lolcat of teh day candidates to fi ght for votes. There’s The highly coveted position of Felix a chance for students to virtually meet Editor has three candidates – Matthew the candidates via a STOIC live broad- Colvin, Alexander Karapetian and cast on Wednesday at 6:00pm where Indy Leclerq. Sabbatical viewers can ask questions via Twitter, The four places for Student Trustees, Facebook and email. To meet the can- who sit on the Union’ s Trustee Board 2011 didates in person, there will be a for- without taking a year out of their mal Hustlings in FiveSixEight tomor- studies has generated a lot of interest row at 6:30pm. The next week sees all with Abdul Patel, Dominic Andradi- the candidates battling it out for their Brown, Eugene Chang, Joseph Rumer, positions with intense campaigning Kandeeban Gopalakrishnan, Miles Meet the Candidates to get your vote. The ideas for cam- Robertson, Muhammad Khas, Nathan- Live tonight 18:00 online at paigning included the standard fl yers, iel Bottrell and Ravi Pall all standing. imperialcollegeunion.org/elections. lecture shout-outs and posters. But be So when can you start voting? Vot- warned now, with the main target for ing opens on Wednesday 9th March Send your questions to the candidates via campaigning being cybernetic, sabbat- at 00:01 and closes on Saturday 12th twitter @icunion or #voteicu. ical-election-related groups, pages and March at 23:59. All voting will take events, will hijack your Facebook. place online, where you will also fi nd The three candidates that have put the candidates’ manifestos to help you themselves forward for President are decide. The candidates’ manifestos Danish Khan, Nadia Dzigal and Scott will also be published in this Friday’s Heath. The students standing for Dep- Felix. Make sure your vote counts, by uty President (Education) are Jason making sure you vote!

The Daily Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. THE Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by Sharman & Company Ltd, Newark Road, Peterborough. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. DAILY FELIX Copyright © Felix 2011.

Editor-in-Chief Kadhim Shubber Deputy Editor Gilead Amit Copy Chief Lizzy Griffiths Assistant Editor Dan Wan News Editors Alex Karapetian Matt Colvin Reporters Katherine Bettany Charles Betts Sophia David Maciej Matuszewski Deepka Rana Aemun Reza Ian Wei Umair Aasem Genevieve Pugh Haralambos Dayantis Madhura Ghosh Victoria Druce Design Editor Veronika McQuadeova Features Editor Lizzie Crouch Sports Editors Jovan Nedic David Wilson Science Editors Kelly Oakes Charlie Harvey Business Editors Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos Politics Editors James Lees Rory Fenton Rajat Jain Technology Editor Samuel Gibbs Feroz Salam Comment Editor Anna Perman Jan Piotrowski Arts Editor Rox Middleton Music Editors Greg Power Christopher Walmsley Luke Turner Film Editors Jade Hoffman Ed Knock TV Editors Matt Allinson Veronika McQuadeova Food Editors Dana Li Vicky Jeyaprakash Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen Games Editor Simon Worthington Online Editors Niharika Midha Dakshaa Rai Chris Birkett Jonathan Kim International Editor Kenneth Lee Puzzles Captains Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar Photo Editors Miles Robertson Thomas Welch Travel Editor Chris Richardson Copy Editors Alex Nowbar Hannah Thomas Sharanya Subbu Ritika Gupta Zainab Ali Shruti Mishra Sophia Man Tim Arbabzadah Jamie Fraser Peter Roberts Illustrators Hamish Muir Benjamin Kennedy Amanda Diez Joshua Yerrell THE DAILY FELIX WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 3

News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian [email protected] NEWS Science campaigners claim victory on visas Enthusiasts create Steve ...Continued from Front Page optimistic. Imran Khan explained that are wary of plans to limit Tier 4 student The new proposals may not be exactly “while we still disagree that a cap on visas, these proposals should mean that Jobs birthday website what science activists and campaign- scientists and engineers is something the UK can continue to work with the ers were hoping for, but CaSE remains the Government should have at all, and globalised world of research.” Imperial students launch happybirthdaystevejobs.com Further disruption for Alex Karapetian “[They] successfully The time was 4am on the 23rd of Feb- managed to fend off ruary. A relatively large coursework deadline loomed over the heads of De- hackers” partment of Computing students Ga- Computing students briel Lorin and Raoul Gabriel Urma, but this was not what they were pulling “The website is very database in- an all nighter for. Having purchased tense, and the idea was to keep the ini- Server issues as rootkit investigation continues server equipment and spent since noon tial design as simple as possible”, they the previous day configuring it, the two added. Around the time of taking the Afonso Campos launched happybirthdaystevejobs.com. submission of wishes offline, two days The website rapidly popularised last after launch, they reported statistics of week and having since been featured on 73,000 unique visitors from 156 coun- CNN’s website, is self described as “an tries with over 20,000 messages. On effort to show [Jobs] support and grati- day two, a few isolated groups in the US tude”. The submission of wishes was attacked the website. The two students, closed on the 25th at 9:30am. however, said they were committed all The duo looked towards Amazon’s day and night protecting the website, EC2 cloud servers, famed for their ex- and successfully managed to fend off tremely solid infrastructure, to host the the hackers. The creators said the lack site. Amazon has resisted Distributed of sleep and all the efforts put into run- Denial of Service (DDOS) attacks from ning the website smoothly were “defi- the Anonymous online group regarding nitely worth it because of some of the WikiLeaks earlier this year. Felix inter- amazing wishes people made to Steve viewed Raoul and Gabriel on day one Jobs”. of the website going live, after approxi- One such posted example was: “Your mately ten hours. When asked about vision and creativity has touched us all. why they chose not to capitalise on the I hope you are spending your day com- venture, they commented that they “just fortably with loved ones as you recover. want to show support” and that “ads Warmest wishes on your special day as wouldn’t look good on the page and it’s we all celebrate with you throughout the not what [they] wanted.” world you’ve changed forever”. They added that they ran statistical Raoul is a fourth year student who monitoring tools, from which they were met Gabriel, a second year, during the What a disappointment, this is nothing like The Social Network... able to report that the website gathered course while being an Undergraduate 12,000 unique (different IP addresses) Teaching Assistant in tutorials. The duo visitors in the first twelve hours and have worked on a web based project be- Alex Karapetian yesterday. CSG are moving all of the af- form. had over 9,000 birthday messages in the fore and learnt a lot from the venture. fected data onto a new RAID array that CSG have been working intensively first day. Within the first minute of the Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, turned 56 Following the recent root level security should be in operation within the next on the various problems that have aris- site going live, 40 birthday messages last Thursday and has been suffering breach in the Department of Comput- few days. en. A DoC student commented to Felix were posted, and the site was popular- from health problems. He was diag- ing (DoC), sources have informed Students of the Department of Com- that they are “second to none”, hav- ised through E-mails, blogs and social nosed with pancreatic cancer in 2004 Felix that the Computing Support puting have been informed by DoCSoc ing observed their rapid and intuitive media such as Facebook and Twitter. and underwent a liver transplant in Group (CSG) endeavoured to success- that the previously reported rootkit responses to various potentially cata- Reminiscing on their efforts, they com- 2009. Much speculation regarding his fully patch all affected physical lab ma- was successfully installed after vari- strophic failures. It is still not known mented: “it’s so rewarding when you do health continues as he has taken medi- chines, rendering them safe to access ous failed attempts, giving the attacker whether the breach arose from within something as big as this and it takes off. cal leave for the second time without and free from keylogging or other mali- full access to the shell1 server. Typi- Imperial or not. Everything comes together’’. specifying a return date. cious activities. The Secure Shell (SSH) cally, root level (administrative) permis- The affected disk arrays, which service, taken down in order to prevent sions would only give access to stored caused the home directory problems, (C) Gabriel Lorin & Raoul-Gabriel Urma the vulnerability expanding, is being passwords that are hashed. Hashing is are speculated to hold majority of their restored, with secure server shell4 pro- a method of using one-way algorithms data for higher year students in DoC viding students with external access to to protect passwords and other sensi- and Information Systems Engineer- the lab machines. tive data that needs to be stored. For ing (ISE). The majority of second year CSG continue to face problems, how- instance, passwords used to login to students continued to work in the labs ever, as students suffered various issues forums are typically hashed in the ad- unaffected. DoCSoc advised those af- regarding accessing their home direc- ministrator’s database such that they fected that they may be able to retrieve tories in the Department of Computing may not view their users’ details. It is their data from nightly backups using a yesterday due to problems on two home speculated, however, that the DoC com- recovery share and that “CSG are will- directory servers. This, although unre- promise resulted in the rootkit being ing to give security advice to anyone lated to yesterday’s story regarding ICT installed between the layers, which pro- worried in any way about the security user profiles, results in a similar prob- vided authentication, and RSA protec- breach”. Service updates are regularly lem in terms of loss of files and settings. tion, which resulted in the malicious at- posted on CSG’s website at www.doc. Kestrel and Osprey, the affected disk tacker potentially viewing all passwords ic.ac.uk/csg along with informational arrays, experienced various failures transmitted unhashed and in cleartext messages. I’m not sure if ‘lol’ is a strong enough word... THE DAILY FELIX WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 4

Business Editors: Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos [email protected] BUSINESS Afonso Campos The business of hair styling

Afonso Campos talks shop to Drew Foster, one half of the duo behind Foster London

meet Drew Foster at his brand bug and there was nothing else he could cluding John Galliano, Christian Dior rather prominent silver lining, was not ers, but also to take time to decide how new hair salon in the heart of do. Drew promptly withdrew from his and Alexander McQueen. painless. he wanted to run his own business. His Shoreditch early one morning. business studies degree and started for- Despite the glitz and the glamour, Drew and Nadia have now been in philosophy is relatively simple, albeit I am there as he opens up shop. mal education to become a stylist, which Foster craved something a little bit more business offi cially for about four weeks powerful. Drew wanted his staff to be There is a familiar atmosphere to was swiftly followed by fi ve years under sedentary and client focused; something and it is going splendidly well. They able to talk to him about anything and the place, not unlike that of a mid to late his aunt’s tutelage and watchful eye. that meant he could build long-lasting have been operating since late December be able to talk them as equals too. Cor- sixtiesI music video awash with distant Armed with that experience, Drew felt relationships with real people. He felt however, styling for friends and regulars, rect treatment of staff and the banishing pastel colours. Hues of green, pink and ready to take on the world and moved that oftentimes, the relationships in while the building they now occupy was of negativity were joint number one on blue are adorned with vintage paintings to London where he then spent ten years those circles could be somewhat short, very literally, a construction site. The his priority list. and what seems like an endless col- at the ubiquitous Tony & Guy, eventu- despite the amount of highly interest- amount of people deciding to get a hair- Some have raised concerns about lection of porcelain cats. Ramone and ally becoming their Head Educator, ing people. Roughly six years ago then, cut in the midst of the chaos was, without the saturation of salons in the area, but Margo, the two resident puppies try to overseeing the training of an army of Drew decided to join a relatively young a doubt, testament to the siblings’ talent. Drew is quick to dismiss that this could engage us in play. It is impossible to sit future stylists, culminating in a nomina- Salon at the time, Taylor Taylor, mostly They now employ 8 people, two of them be an issue in a rather frank manner. He down and not be taken aback by the love tion for British Men’s Hairdresser of the out of the need for a steady income in part-time. Drew’s experience in educat- believes that if you “provide a good ser- that has clearly been poured into this year; an honour bestowed on less than order to qualify for a mortgage. ing young stylists even led him to take vice, enough people will come”. So far, place. a handful of stylists a year. Drew then Although the cogs had been set in mo- on one of the builders that worked on this way of thinking has been proved Spurred by his mother, a young Drew spent many years as a stylist in the TV tion many years previously, it was when site as a junior, citing the young man’s correct for Foster London. In business, Foster enrolled in a College to study for and fi lm industries and has also styled his local Council engaged in a compul- enthusiasm. Drew exclaims, “it is important to be a Business degree, only to realise early for prominent fashion powerhouses, in- sory purchase of his fl at that ignition Three weeks after opening there were lucky and do things properly”. Drew on that this despite not knowing exactly really happened and his salon, Foster already plenty of days where all the styl- talked of his day-to-day frustration with where life was to lead him, that was per- London started gaining shape. ists were fully booked. In his many years the agglomeration of small annoyances haps not his best option. At the begin- “In his many years His sister, Nadia Foster, (Charles working in the industry Drew “never saw that inevitably come with starting up a ning of the 90s, his aunt, a multi award- Worthington Colourist of the Year and anything like it”; a clear and resounding business, such has the extortionate po- winning stylist (including a win at the working in the Session Stylist of the Year), and him felt success story so far. He is seeing busi- tential £12,000 yearly fees that banks British Hairdressing Awards), brought a good use of the compensation awarded ness from previous regular clients, but were trying to charge him for the sup- a nineteen-year old Drew to one of her industry Drew says by the Council would be to invest it in also from a surprisingly large number of posed privilege of being able to accept ceremonies and he was hooked. It must the premises for their very own busi- walk-ins and brand new patrons. It seems cards from his clients. Given his can-do have seemed at the like all the pieces of that he “never saw ness. Thus, Foster London was born and like Foster London is generating unprec- attitude, I have a very sneaky suspicion his life had been slowly falling together now occupies a grand prime spot in the edented buzz. Drew actually enjoys overcoming these only to come perfectly aligned at that anything like it” very heart of Shoreditch. Understand- Having had the fortune of working in problems and takes it in his stride. The one pivotal moment when he knew – he ably, the experience of being forced to many different places, Drew has had the Foster siblings are quickly taking over was going to be a stylist. He caught the anywhere else” sell his fl at, although underpinned by a opportunity to not only learn from oth- London; next step, the world. THE DAILY FELIX WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 5

Politics Editors: Rory Fenton James Lees, Rajat Jain [email protected] POLITICS As the European Court of Human Rights overrules the UK government over prisoner rights, Felix asks:

Sarah Jeyaprakash Should prisoners be allowed to vote? “There are fundamental “This is idealistic but Yes – Andrew Purcell democratic reasons” No – Navid Nabijou misguided”

ast week’s news that a high court judge forget that a significant number of our prison popu- n our society, we tend to view the democrat- this infringement is justified, and indeed neces- had not only thrown out prisoners’ lation is made up of people who simply snort, smoke ic system with a certain sense of pride. The sary, on both a moral and a practical level. compensation claims, but also ordered and inject various substances in the hope of improv- underlying principle of equal representation Finally, we must consider the impact that this the prisoners to pay £76 each towards ing their overall happiness. Let us also not forget that is deeply rooted in our social consciousness. measure would have on prisoners. It is often stat- the cost of their action, was greeted blasphemy only ceased to be a crime three years ago For those who relate particularly strongly to ed that politically active prisoners are less likely with a raucous cheer from Mail and Express read- and that homosexuality has only been legal in Scot- this ideal, it is tempting to regard voting as an in- to reoffend. The problem with this reasoning, of Lers, which could be heard all the way to Brussels. land and Northern Ireland since the eighties. Ialienable right; something beyond question. course, is simply that correlation does not imply And, essentially, for Conservatives this was exactly As well as the obvious ethical arguments for not This is idealistic but misguided. As with all causation. It is far more plausible that the type of their reason for making their ludicrous stand. denying prisoners the right to vote, there are also rights, the right to democratic engagement is prisoner less likely to reoffend just so happens to By denying prisoners their right to vote, a right pragmatic reasons. A government which is currently predicated upon related social responsibilities. be of the type more likely to engage in politics; enshrined by the European Court of Human Rights, undertaking a severe programme of public services This coupling of rights with responsibilities is with no necessary causal relationship between the euro-sceptic MPs are cynically aiming to under- cuts should probably think twice before committing natural, and absolutely essential: the responsibili- two. mine the EU’s authority to adjudicate on such is- itself to a path which will inevitably result in it pay- ties themselves preserve and ensure the accompa- Nevertheless, the more general argument that sues. They are making an ideological stand, which ing hefty fines to Europe. Also, what about the idea nying rights. Hence, when an individual decides democratic involvement encourages prisoners has little or nothing to do with the actual issue in of rehabilitation for prisoners? The government’s to abrogate their responsibilities, they forfeit their to “re-engage with society” demands a more ex- question, and are putting Britain in serious danger decision risks ostracising large swathes of the prison claim to the accompanying rights. tended response. Consider first that most prison- of becoming known as the petulant child of Europe. population from wider society. Surely, this is not a In the context of prisoner votes, we see that ers come from underprivileged backgrounds, of- Britain’s prison population has simply been caught good way of reducing future crime rates. when someone commits a crime, they are flouting ten with little in the way of education. Because of in the crossfire. Finally, what about the sheer hypocrisy of the situ- their responsibilities to society, and to the democ- this, the vast majority do not engage at all with the There are fundamental democratic reasons why ation? The government is trying to remove the right racy which that society underpins. Consequently, democratic system prior to incarceration. As such, prisoners should be disenfranchised. Politicians to vote from people who break the law, but in doing they lose the claim to their democratic rights. there is no reason to suppose that the continuation make the laws which govern our country, so denying so they are breaking European law themselves! On a practical consideration, we must realise of voting rights into prison would have any mean- prisoners a say in choosing the politicians, who make that the right to vote is just one of an entire range ingful impact. In actual fact, a suspension of this the very laws they have been convicted of breaking, of rights which we suspend in order to punish pris- right would make prisoners appreciate for the first is an extremely dangerous proposition. Perhaps this oners. This punishment, though sometimes unpal- time the value of democratic engagement. Upon is less of an issue in Great Britain, where the major- atable, is absolutely necessary, in order to deter their release – and the concurrent reinstatement of ity of laws tend to have at least a reasonable moral potential criminals and curb crime levels. their rights – this would certainly aid in their gen- basis. Yet, surely there is an argument for setting an This refutes the argument of many proponents eral re-engagement with society. example to countries such as China, where there are of prisoner votes, who complain that suspension For all these reasons; both the practical and mor- large numbers of political prisoners. But wait, before of voting rights infringes upon civil liberties. They al considerations, we urge for a maintaining of the we start getting too self-congratulatory, let us not are completely right, and as we have just shown, ban on prisoner votes.

The European Court of Justice has George Osbourne has hit out at International Development Secre- Breaking News declared the use of gender in in- Ed Milliband’s pandering to the tary Andrew Mitchell has announced Correction surance prices to be unlawful. The ‘squeezed middle’. In a savage ar- that the government will stop giving move is most likely to affect car in- ticle in the Guardian, the chancel- aid to 16 of the 43 countries it cur- Yesterday’s piece arguing surers, who charge males, espcially lor mocked the Labour leader for rently helps. China and Russia will against House of Lords re- the under 25s, considerably more. ill-defi ned plans that would defi ne be among the losers, however many form was wrongly attributed Young males will see car premiums 90% of taxpayers as ‘the middle’. He still question why the UK will contin- to Lingxi Huang. Apologies to fall by 10- 25% while young women also claimed that he was making the ue to fund India, which has both a Matthew Parker. Editor Yesterday’s news, today. could pay up to 60% more. same cuts that Labour would make. nuclear and space programme. 6 WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 THE DAILY FELIX

Comment Editors: Anna Perman Jan Piotrowski COMMENT [email protected] Catch I, Science 11th March Alive and kicking J.B.S. Haldane famously remarked: “the uni- verse is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose”. As a ge- Medicine can become a routine of life stories, lectures neticist and evolutionary biologist, Haldane believed that there are definite limits to hu- and feet. But sometimes, a patient can surprise you man comprehension. He based this belief on the fact that our intelligence has evolved to help us overcome specific problems re- lated to our survival. Thus, it has been ar- gued, while our brains are well-equipped to tackle the sort of problems our ancestors had to deal with out on the African plains of the Pleistocene, they are, and will forever remain, woefully inadequate when it comes to truly understanding the universe.

Of course, not everyone shares Haldane’s pessimism. Albert Einstein once averred: Rhys Davies “the most incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is at all comprehensible”. ’d like to share with you, if I may, an episode from my life as medi- Scientific progress means that our world is cal student. No, stop, don’t run no-longer limited to that which we can see, away! It’s not that bad, I swear. touch, taste, hear and smell. Instead, sci- There may even be a moral at the entific developments are pushing back the end of it. horizons of our collective understanding, IYou begin Medicine learning dry facts allowing us to see further than previous and theories but the emphasis on these generations even thought possible. As the largely evaporates by the time you reach wheels of progress turn, the ranks of the gi- the wards in the clinical years. ants, whose shoulders we may stand upon, Instead, you are encouraged – even are continuously growing in number. Thus, forced by some consultants – to talk to our understanding of the universe is increas- patients. The official word is “clerk- ing with each passing generation. ing” and the desiccated dryness of these terms almost put me off applying to Inventions to augment our five basic human Imperial. In practice, you spend the bet- Stop getting turned on by pictures of feet, you bloody pervert, that’s just disgusting senses are certainly nothing new. But, what ter part of an hour listening to a person about our intelligence? Surely, this is the regale you with a chapter of their life. ultimate limiting factor with regards to our These chapters may span sagas or may That was when the patient let out the In practice, you spend the understanding of the universe? only be a few scribbled lines but they most pitiful and heart-wrenching cry I are invariably fascinating. And at the have ever heard. She was in a pain be- better part of an hour listening Of course, we now have computers capable end, you may get to prod them with your yond words. I once ripped a plaster off of performing calculations far beyond the ca- stethoscope, if you’re lucky. my arm really fast for a dare, taking a to a person regale you with a pabilities of even the brightest human intel- Last year, I did my first hospital place- good rectangle of hair with it. That hurt lect. Yet, these machines are not sentient, ment in Endocrinology. After a few but I can’t even begin to comprehend the chapter of their life at least not yet. So, while they may be good weeks on the wards, the initial excite- pain this lady was in. As distressing as it at performing complex calculations at high ment of seeing every new case of dia- was for the patient and for us, the con- speed, they aren’t currently all that useful betes began to ebb and I had settled into sultant continued her work until the sore tried to make her as comfortable as pos- when it comes to answering some of the a comfortable routine – ward rounds, in question was exposed. sible. After that, we sat back and waited more existential questions science has yet clinic, and lectures. I still enjoyed the It was horrific. It probed right down for the inevitable. Even our consultant, to answer. medicine but it had ceased to surprise to the bone of the big toe, with pus, who is notoriously optimistic and de- me. Or so I thought. gangrene and necrotic tissue all the way termined when it comes to foot ulcers, However, we do have the Internet, which al- We were on a particularly long ward down. With a high temperature and a admitted that she probably wouldn’t last lows us to pool our resources, share ideas round on a hot, uncomfortable Mon- low BP, she had gone into septic shock the night. and work together to solve problems in a day afternoon when we came to one from this wound. This was despite being With that said, I was more than a lit- way which could previously scarcely be im- patient in particular. She was a little treated with metronidazole, vancomycin“ tle surprised when I came in on Tuesday agined. Thus, while our individual under- old lady, engulfed by the hospital bed- and teicoplanin, three of the strongest morning and the patient was still in her standing of the universe may be limited, ding around her. My consultant gently drugs in our arsenal for foot ulcers. bed. She was still ill but also still alive. the amount which we can collectively under- roused her and asked if she could have Afterwards, when we discussed the And Wednesday, and Thursday, and Fri- stand as a species is potentially boundless. ” a look at her ulcer. [WARNING – EDU- ward round, it was agreed that this lady day, and she was still there by the next CATION: Because they can’t feel their was not going to live long and since our Monday. What’s more, she even began It is thanks to this scientific progress that toes and because their blood vessels antibiotics were neither prolonging her to look a little better. Later that week, that which was once out of sight, no longer are shot through, diabetic patients have life or treating her disease (clearly), we I caught her sitting up in bed, smiling. has to remain out of mind. the worst feet. I’ve seen patients go for would switch to supportive manage- I was amazed. If this were a textbook amputation for what started as a blis- ment. I was shocked. In my mind, peo- case scenario, she would have passed Andrew Purcell ter. Imagine what Day of the Dead or ple died of strokes or heart attacks or away on that first night, but she didn’t! Co-Editor of I, Science 28 Days Later would look like from the road traffic accidents, not of something I’m only in my third year and I still have ankle down.] Yet another foot, I sighed so simple as a “bad blister.” a lot to learn but one thing that this lady Issue 16 of I, Science magazine, ‘Unseen inwardly. The patient stared back mute- And so it was. We withdrew antibiot- Have your say on taught me was that medicine – and peo- Science’, is out on Friday 11th March. ly, the result of a recent stroke. The ics and prescribed morphine as required, ple – will always find ways to surprise consultant gingerly began to undress warning the nurse that this patient would this article at you. the wound. not be able to ask for pain relief. We felixonline.co.uk I love this course. THE DAILY FELIX WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 7 Television Editors: Matt Allinson Veronika McQuadeova

[email protected] TELEVISION Best in Class: Teen Vicky Jeyaprakash takes us through the fl uffy angsty world of Teen TV

here is no shame, only great- to any scrutiny. It’s a confused mix of plot ness and beautiful people. At devices that service the music it wants to least that’s the cover I’m hiding perform, but ultimately it’s down some truly under. Teen Drama has a bad original characters that have highly incon- reputation and for good reason; sistent behaviour and never seem to grow the word teen conjures up an image of a thir- and learn. From someone who grew up with Tteen year old girl painting her nails and blue Buffy, which took often risky but consistent tacking pictures of some fl oppy haired, half turns with their characters this is utterly pain- clothed male from Smash Hits to her wall. ful. I suspect my justifi cation for watching As someone who was once that 13 year old anything is that the characters or the plot feel girl I can confi rm we were that twee. Thank- like they are truthful to the series, and Glee I fully though, good teen telly despite its trap- have to say, has sacrifi ced itself on the altar ping has a little more depth than my musings of commercialism. It has all the teen tropes over canary yellow or cherry red for my nails. of dealing with sex, homosexuality and the Not that any award show beyond MTV Best future but is often too excited by its gimmick Kiss has ever noticed. Though I’m not going of the week to actually say anything about to go and pretend that I never appreciate the any of those issues with coherency. It holds ridiculous hotness this brand of TV celebrates. itself to be something it frankly never quite And that my friends, is the beauty of watch- achieves. Best in Class for originality but for ing something so unashamedly aimed at the genius dialogue and some great characters in “younger generation”: the pure eye candy. a high school setting, check out Ryan Mur- Shallow? Yes. True? Entirely. phy’s earlier Popular. Far superior. Now that we’ve all acknowledged that little Now I’ve snuck in a Buffy reference I can guilty fact I feel I can actually discuss why any tell you that I measure all television by this of these shows are actually worth watching, yard stick. This is teen television the way whether or not some pretty boy’s fronting it. it’s meant to be made. Witty, pretty and se- Teen does not have to mean fulfi lling your fl uff riously heartbreaking. It has all the trappings quotient for the week. There’s some hard hit- of teen telly: crushes, evil teachers and par- Hells yeah it’s all about Pacey (bottom right). He’s so much hotter than Dawson, that jerk ting emotion hidden amongst the angst and ents who don’t understand, but uses the drama and I have no hesitation in call- sci-fi genre to make a more nuanced ing you heartless if none of the shows point about the drama that is being tendency to make everything a bit shiny and the show together in a way 90210 can only be I mention do not get you weepy, sixteen. To be fair, Vampires are glossy, so unsurprisingly when it fi nally hap- jealous of. Gah, waste of space, not mention- and not because Dawson and Joey optional. Just get a copy of Ve- pened, you got the rawness of Skins. I don’t ing that zip code again. breaking up rocks my world (really ronica Mars and then tell me teen care if no one’s life is that exciting and that I will however give a quick nod to a show people, Pacey all the way). drama can’t hold a candle to any- all adults are irresponsible; the teens seem real that has many of the trappings of that hideous Anyway this last year or so, one thing that’s aimed at adults. That’s in their reactions and insecurities if not the show but is held to together with the great show seems to be getting the saddest thing about the label situations they fi nd themselves in (fi nding a writings of Josh Schwartz (Creator of the considerable attention ‘teen’, the idea that the tar- dead body and running away to NYC never O.C) and the magic of Leighton Meester and as more than teen get audience can only be happened to you?). The sex and the swearing Ed Westwick. Yes, Gossip Girl. In this case placeholder of the placated by hot blondes are all set dressing and a cheap thrill while the I’m going to point at the dialogue and more week, and that is the and skimpy bikinis. We fragility of the characters and the way they often than not the great plotting that actually magnifi cent Glee. heart hot blondes but feel about each other is touching. The actual makes this a joy to watch. This is guilty TV at Which I’m go- only if Seth Cohen teen actors they use are phenomenal and hold its fi nest. It’s a show that embraces the clichés ing to go out on gets to mock them and somehow subverts them and Gossip Girl a limb and say is endlessly while has a deft hand and a sly wit whilst doing it. a bit of a mess. they look con- And if this is all getting a little bit girlie for Sorry, sorry, fused. So when “Teen does not have to mean you, let me point to one of the best shows in sorry, I know teen drama gets years, the Inbetweeners. Filthy, hilarious and many of you con- it right it’s like fulfi lling your fl uff quotient for the as awkward as any moment in The Offi ce, sider yourselves fi nding out your teen television has some of the best quality a “Gleek” and I did crush hearts you back. week. There’s some hard hitting that has been around for years. If you are will- initially, but as one of So why I wonder did ing to invest a little time and patience, there the most successful shows it take so many years for an emotion hidden amongst the angst is often nothing better than good television about teens and for teens I actual living teen to get onto disguised as frothy, hedonistic teen drama to feel it doesn’t often stand up the writing scene? Adults have a and drama” entertain yourself with. On the Box tonight 7pm 8pm 9pm 10pm 11pm Would I Lie to You – Dave Gossip Girl – ITV2 OMG! With Peaches Geldof – ITV2 Model Agecy – C4 Film 2011 – BBC1 First episode of new series has Dun- Inspired by Vicky’s review of Teen TV? Brand new. The potential for this show Like spinal tap but with evil heartless Claudia Winkleman is the new Jonathan can Bannatyne on a team with Frankie Watch one of her picks tonight; not con- to be completely awful is almost limit- people who manipulate impressionable Ross. Except Ross didn’t need a co-pre- Boyle. Guaranteed gold. vinced? It has hot women. less. I cannot wait. teenage girls. So better. senter to give his opinions weight. 8 WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 THE DAILY FELIX

Film Editors: Jade Hoffman Ed Knock FILM fi [email protected] Cage loses his shit... in 3D Nicolas Cage gets mad in Drive Angry 3D, what else did you expect from him?

Drive Angry 3D tough-but-sexy blonde, Piper (Amber great experience. Heard), who joins him on his shoot- The difference between Drive Angry Director Patrick Lussier em-up mission. It is the typical trashy 3D and a film like The Last Airbender Screenwriter Todd Farmer, Patrick Lussier revenge film, with Milton and Piper is probably that this film carries itself Cast Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard chasing after the Satanists in Piper’s with that delicate mix of farce, self- boyfriend’s Dodge Charger, and Milton awareness and genuine good humour. Jade Hoffman himself being closely tracked down by From Milton’s epic gunfight whilst hav- Mark Bruggeman the ever-brilliant character actor Wil- ing sex and drinking Jack Daniels scene, liam Fichtner as “The Accountant” – a to the moment where Piper whips out When a film uses the suffix of “3D” in man sent by Satan to bring Milton back a gun referred to as “The Godslayer”, its title, it comes with several expec- to Hell. there is not a single moment of the film tations. Not only does this generally In the same way that Snakes on a that takes itself seriously. Though it promise an excessive, gratuitous use Plane revelled in its own ridiculousness, may seem like a foolish career choice of 3D, but it also often means that the so too does Drive Angry 3D go all-out for an Oscar-winner, in retrospect it is film will be entirely, irreparably and on being possibly the most absurd film classic Nicolas Cage. As a regular face mind-numbingly ludicrous from start of the year – 3D. The opening sequence circulating the internet in his “Not the to finish; Enter Nicolas Cage in Drive sees Milton shooting off a man’s hand Bees!” meme from The Wicker Man, Angry 3D. This film not only deliver all with a shotgun. The hand flies out of or the “Nicolas Cage Losing His Shit” of the above, but it also – as the rest of the screen towards you, marking the montage on YouTube of all his crazi- the title suggests – has Academy Award first of many stunts designed solely to est moments, Drive Angry 3D is lead winning actor Cage doing a lot of angry remind you that this film was shot in 3D. by perhaps the only Hollywood actor driving. If Samuel L. Jackson could’ve flung a who could really have pulled it off. Any The plot, which is as ridiculous as the stowaway snake at his audience in 2006, actor who may have been slightly pre- title, follows John Milton (Cage) as an there’s no doubt he would’ve and, with cious about the role may have hammed angry, undead badass who breaks free films like The Last Airbender trying to the jokes up, but Cage – in his divine, from Hell to rescue his baby grand- look impressive with “clever” use of 3D mental wisdom – lets the full lunacy of daughter from a ritualistic killing at the technology, it’s somehow refreshing to the film shine through. Amber Heard, hands of a Satanic cult leader who has see a film like Drive Angry 3D, fully too, plays her role with conviction and if already killed Milton’s daughter. On aware of its own stupidity, turning its you needed any more reasons to love her the way, he encounters the obligatory over-the-top use of special effects into a I hate when the door flies off your car... after her appearance Read me my last rites The Rite has got me dying of boredom

The Rite “As the plot a months shooting in Rome. Interestingly the film has been em- Director Mikael Håfström progresses so does braced by the Vatican as a honest por- Screenwriter Matt Baglio, Michael Petroni trayal of real exorcism but in reality Cast Anthony Hopkins, Colin the tedium [...] I it’s just a water downed version of it’s O’Donoghue more notorious forefather. All the usual found myself pining clichés are present; limbs are twisted Ed Knock into impossible shapes, bones crack and for some good ol’ veins literally pop out of victim’s faces. Any film about exorcism will always As far as scares are concerned, they are be compared to William Friedkin’s un- fashioned crucifix in few and between and instead we are intentionally hilarious 1973 classic The treated to a creepy atmosphere reminis- Exorcist but Mikael Håfström’s attempt the crotch action.” cent of The Shining involving amusing to circumnavigate any comparisons with halucinations of demonic donkeys, hairy the latter in his latest horror The Rite in- hands and iridescent frogs. evitably fails. Although we’re informed witnesses as he accompanies Anthony As the plot progresses so does the te- that the story is ‘inspired by true events’, Hopkin’s veteran exorcist during his dium as Håfström piles on the theology the film unfortunately resorts to your ‘rounds’. In his attempt to balance the or mindless religious babbling, it de- typical body convulsing, manic preach- emotions of concern, guilt and fear pends on how you view it. ‘The greatest ing we’d expect of an exorcist movie O’Donoghue just about manages to trick the devil ever performed, was to minus the profanities. carry off a permanent perplexed look convince the world he never existed’ is Colin O’Donoghue sleepwalks like a confused toddler on his first day the basic plagiarised message we’re sub- through his role as Michael Kovak, a of playschool. Fortunately Hopkins is a mitted to but in all honesty, I found my- cynical trainee priest in a crisis of faith delight to watch a usual, invigorating his self pining for some good ol’ fashioned unable to comprehend the events he role with hammy gusto or just enjoying crucifix in the crotch action.

Kelly Oakes Kelly Charlie Harvey Charlie Science Editors: Science

SCIENCE [email protected] Page II Page VI Page Page IV

of space exploration:

the threat of rising food prices:

Ejaculation, cocaine and music are all all are music and cocaine Ejaculation, linked in the brain says Polly Bennett: linked Nicola Robinson on the need to tackle tackle to need the on Robinson Nicola Imperial scientists are at the forefront forefront the at are scientists Imperial

SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK ‘N’ ROLL ‘N’ AND ROCK DRUGS SEX,

WORDS WILL NOT FEED THE WORLD THE WILL NOT FEED WORDS PROBING THE DEPTHS THE PROBING II PULLOUT WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 THE DAILY FELIX SCIENCE Words will not feed the world ast month the United Nations’ Drought. Fire. Floods. global food price index hit its highest peak since its record be- Numerous factors are gan in 1990. In doing so it has raised fears of a return to the food causing food prices to crisis of 2008, when high prices sparked vio- Llent riots around the world. rise. Is this the start So what is driving the current trends in food prices? There have been many causes, from of another global food droughts and fi res in Russia to excess rains in North America and Australia. The impacts crisis? of poor harvests have been exacerbated by a government-imposed export ban in Russia, coupled with a rise in the use of food crops as biofuel in the US. A weakening of the US Nicola Robinson dollar, which underpins the prices of most globally traded commodities, as well as mar- ket speculation, have also been blamed for the tember in Mozambique lead to riots which left soaring food prices. 288 people injured and seven dead. During the Worryingly, the drivers behind the current food crisis of 2008, food prices played a role in trends show little signs of slowing, says the anti-government protests and there were food United Nations World Food Programme (UN- riots across Africa, Latin America and parts of WFP). And there is reason to fear that market Asia. In Algeria and Egypt (the world’s largest speculation and “political overreaction” will importer of wheat) soaring food prices are said 70% of deforestation in the Amazon is due to livestock grazing – is your Big Mac really worth this? continue to drive price volatility, admits Sgus- to have been a factor in the recent protests. As tafson from the Food Security Portal. Recent prices continue to rise, it is feared that food ri- headlines will not help; on the 8th February ots will spread to countries in Africa and Latin gas emissions. According to a recent publica- the current food price surge should include ex- UNFAO issued an alert as China, the world’s America. Indeed, Zoellick said recently in the tion by the World Economic Forum, climate panding safety nets of food provisions for the largest producer of wheat, suffered its worst Financial Times that “rising [food] prices are change in turn is likely to lead to a change in most vulnerable countries, and avoiding food drought in 60 years. With the affected area re-emerging as a threat to global growth and rainfall patterns, and reduce yields by up to export restrictions. In the long term, huge in- representing two thirds of the national wheat social stability”. Admittedly, a return to the cri- 20% in some regions; the past year is testa- vestments into agriculture will be required, harvest, UNFAO has described the ongoing sis of 2008 is not yet upon us, says Sgustafson ment to the threat such climatic disturbances along with the development of less food and drought as “potentially a serious problem”. from the Food Security Portal; there is still suf- pose to global food security. Furthermore, un- land intensive biofuels. As seen by the recent These developments are critical for the fi cient production and reserves of wheat and sustainable agricultural practices in the tropics hikes in global food prices, climatic distur- world’s poorest nations. According to the rice, and the price of oil has still not reached have resulted in severe soil degradation and bances can cause massive disruptions to glob- World Bank, 920 million people worldwide the peak of 2008. The oil price has a direct im- consequent widespread land abandonment. al food security; adaptation to climate change already suffer from poverty and malnutri- pact on food prices in several ways; it directly Water scarcities have in turn been driven by, was therefore cited as an urgent priority. tion. The Low-Income Food-Defi cit countries raises the cost of production, processing and and will continue to affect, agriculture. Ac- The action of consumers will also be criti- (LIFDC), which are net importers of food, will distribution in system that is heavily reliant on cording to a report by the World Economic Fo- cal. For example, a report by the UNFAO be particularly affected by soaring international energy intensive inputs. It also makes the use rum, 70% of the global withdrawal of precious has highlighted that, both commercially and prices. There are currently 70 countries classi- of food crops as biofuels more fi nancially at- freshwater is attributable to agriculture. Fur- politically, consumers were likely to be the fi ed as LIFDC, such as Egypt and Mozambique, tractive. But, as Abbassian warned the Guard- thermore, the Millenium Ecosystem Assess- main driver “to push the livestock sector into of which many lack suffi cient foreign exchange ian earlier this month, given the possibility of ment estimates that 15-35% of current global more sustainable forms.” The imperative for to make up the shortfall from international mar- further harvest failures “there is still room for irrigation practices are exceeding the rate of a sustainable global agricultural system is not kets. Clearly, volatility of global food prices prices to go up much higher.” sustainable supply. Climate change, as well just environmental or moral. As demonstrated will only serve to exacerbate existing issues of Worryingly, the current trends in food prices as competition for water from other sectors, by the recent riots in Africa, the issue of food food security in these countries. According to might be a glimpse of what lies ahead. David is likely to exacerbate these water scarcities. security threatens the very political stability of Abbassian, these countries are “on the front line Murran, chief investment offi cer at the Lon- The global demand for meat and dairy prod- nations. With this in mind it is perhaps timely of the current surge in world prices”. don-based venture capital fi rm Emergent As- ucts, which is predicted to double as incomes that the issue of food prices has been put fi rm- The instability in the global food market set Management, recently told Reuters; “The rise in developing economies, has been driv- ly on the G20 agenda for this year; France’s has already driven millions more vulnerable world is still in denial about food prices... If ing livestock’s signifi cant ecological footprint. President Nicolas Sarkozy said,“Food riots in people into poverty. Indeed, earlier this week you look at demographics, if you look at pro- Indeed, according to the UNFAO, livestock the poorest countries have a very unfavorable Robert B. Zoellick, President of the World duction, if you look at the impact of climate production represents “one of the major causes effect on global economic growth.” The need Bank Group warned that “global food prices change, then we are only at the beginning of of the world’s most pressing environmental for widespread action is urgent and compel- are rising to dangerous levels and threaten tens this.” Indeed, the global population is expect- problems.” These include climate change, loss ling. As Ban Ki-moon, Secretary-General of of millions of poor people around the world… ed to reach 9 billion by 2050, and it is esti- of biodiversity, land degradation, pollution and the UN remarked in his address to the High- who spend more than half of their income on mated that food production will have to rise by deforestation. For example, 70% of deforesta- Level meeting on Food Security for All in food.” The World Bank estimates that an addi- 70% to meet this demand. But given the rising tion in the Amazon can be attributed to live- 2009, “world poverty cannot be reduced with- tional 44 million people in developing nations demand for land from other sectors, particu- stock grazing, with much of the remaining land out improvements in agriculture and food sys- have been pushed into poverty since last June larly the biofuel industry, it seems likely that used for feed production. Furthermore, green- tems”. But the scale of action required neces- due to food price hikes. agriculture will have to meet these demands house gas emissions from livestock represent sitates a level of international and cross-sector But hunger is not the only threat posed by ris- without signifi cant increase in land use. 18% of total global anthropogenic emissions, collaboration that is as yet unprecedented. ing food prices. As vulnerable people become But whilst an explosion of demand is fore- greater than that from the transport sector. Reforming the global food system is “one increasingly unable to feed themselves and casted, agriculture has been eroding the very So what is to be done? According to the of the greatest challenges of our generation” their families, many are taking to the streets ecological systems on which it will increas- World Bank, immediate measures to address says the World Economic Forum, but it is also, in protest. The Executive Director of the UN ingly depend. Agriculture is a very signifi cant it argues, “achievable”. Will global leaders, World Food Programme, Josette Sheeran, ex- contributor to climate change, deforestation, businesses, academics and civil society rise to plains; “volatility on the markets can translate pollution and biodiversity loss. According to “Hunger is not the only threat posed this challenge and deliver action on this funda- quickly to volatility on the streets”. For exam- the UNFAO, agriculture accounts for approxi- mental issue? Let us hope so, because “words ple, a 30% rise in the price of bread last Sep- mately 25% of the world’s human greenhouse by rising food prices” will not feed the world.” THE DAILY FELIX WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 PULLOUT III SCIENCE SCIENCE IS FIGHTING TO SURVIVE IN WASHINGTON STATE OF THE UNION 2011 Nils Christopher “Cutting the examines Obama’s defi cit by gutting plan for the future our investments of science in the in innovation is United States like lightening an overloaded airplane by removing its engine”

n his recent State of the Union rorism are now on the agenda, and yet, address, President Obama said: many Americans today regard economic “This is our generation’s Sputnik crisis and bankruptcy as similarly fright- moment.” Invoking the Space ening threats. That is why science and Race of the 1960s, he called for research now have to justify their actions an unprecedented level of research and in terms of economic pay-off. Simply development,I especially in biomedical put, Sputnik was a satellite, and neither and clean energy technology. At that terrorism nor the fi nancial crisis can be time, the 2011 budget still had not been reduced to a shiny metal probe zooming passed – and what is today’s Sputnik around the earth emitting radio signals. supposed to be, anyway? Obama said The State of the Union supposes a that funding science is “an investment linear relationship between scientifi c re- that will strengthen our security, protect search, innovation and job creation. The our planet, and create countless new jobs Science is Vital campaign in the UK took for our people.” The image of the space a similar approach, arguing that funding race thus paints a picture of science as cuts will hurt the country economically. the motor of the economic power of the Obama also sees research as an innova- United States and the American people. tion engine, saying, “Cutting the defi cit Why the Sputnik shock? Why not men- by gutting our investments in innovation tion the great achievement of the fi rst as- and education is like lightening an over- tronauts looking back at the earth, mak- loaded airplane by removing its engine. ing us realize that we share a common It may make you feel like you’re fl ying responsibility for the planet? high at fi rst, but it won’t take long be- Obama’s science advisor John Hold- In his address, Obama harked back to the space race of the 1960s – but will the budget live up to his promises? fore you feel the impact.” Speaking in ren started out in 2008 with an ambitious general terms about science as creating agenda to increase science funding, de- jobs is rather uncontroversial, yet spe- velop a comprehensive strategy to lower research funding in the US. Regarding America COMPETES Act, extending scripture to argue that God would not cifi c issues are subject to substantial dis- carbon emissions, and support biomedi- the Republicans’ pledge to return gov- programs to improve basic research and destroy the world through global warm- agreements about values. Last year, an cal research, especially concerning bio- ernment spending to the levels of 2008, science education – a result that left pes- ing. Thus, the Republican Party appears initiative by the Administration to per- terrorism. The main difference to the many scientists fear a funding squeeze simistic scientists pleasantly surprised. divided between the traditional Ameri- mit federal funding of embryonic stem- Bush administration was to recognize for research in the United States. While His Republican colleague Vernon Ehlers can trust in progress, science, and tech- cell research was unsuccessful even be- climate change as a global problem and the 2011 budget is still under debate in from Michigan states that it was im- nology and the Tea Party’s zeal to cut fore Republicans took over Congress. A pledge to lower carbon emissions. How- the House, large funding bodies such portant not to abandon scientists, who government spending. cap-and-trade bill for carbon emissions ever, after the disappointing outcome as the National Institute of Health, the contribute crucially to manufacturing in Were funding levels really returned failed to pass the Senate. And Obama of Copenhagen and the hazing of the National Science Foundation, and even America. to the levels of 2008, an analysis by the himself runs risk of failing to overcome new healthcare law, the Obama admin- NASA faced a freezing of their budget On the other hand, the scientifi c pub- AAAS (American Association of Sci- this division by justifying science in istration appears to have lost sight of and a future that is increasingly hard to lic was left stunned when John Shimkus, ence) concludes, the average cut for sci- terms of economic prospects instead of its grand plans. There are currently no fathom. Republicans, especially during the new Republican chair of the House entifi c bodies would be 7 percent in com- addressing the underlying values of de- comprehensive initiatives on the way the Bush years, have gained an image of committee on the economy and the envi- parison to 2010. Funding for the military bates about biotech and climate change. to match the goal of providing 80 per- being restrictive with respect to science ronment, denied the severity of climate will not be affected by the cuts, since cut- Invoking a ‘Sputnik moment’ was cent of US energy from clean sources and research, as, for example, the jour- change in November 2010 by quoting backs in military spending could easily a call for a bipartisan push to get the by 2035, and while a State of the Union nalist Chris Mooney in his 2005 book be seen as putting the lives of American US out of the economic slump by out- address is always a good occasion to an- The Republican War on Science argues. soldiers in danger. Yet, this also points us innovating competitors. However, sci- nounce ambitious goals, getting there Nevertheless, the fronts in the quarrel to another problem with Obama’s Sput- ence is not just about racing the Soviets will be a rocky road. about science funding are not as clearly “The Republican nik reference. The surge of investment anymore, there are bigger questions to The Republican Party took over the drawn as we tend to think. into US science after World War II was consider, especially the tough calls of House of Representatives in last au- Just before Christmas in 2010, the victory in the midterms intricately related to security concerns reconciling a clean energy future with tumn’s midterm elections. This new new House Committee for Science and and potential military threats. After 9/11, the American lifestyle of economic distribution of power will affect vital Technology under Republican chairman will make Obama’s job the relationship of technology and sci- prosperity. The Republican victory in science issues such as global warm- Ralph Hall, a lawyer from Texas with no ence to national security has changed. the midterms will make Obama’s job all ing and energy policy, as well as basic experience in science, helped to pass the all the more harder” Units to counter cyber attacks and bioter- the more harder. PROBING TH Words: Kelly Oakes & Charles Harvey

Ever since man has been a has dreamed of heading to students at Imperial Colleg Mars and have been involved in In 2018, the ExoMars rover will land on the red planet. ExoMars will look underneath the surface of Mars in the hope of plore our solar system. He fi nding life – or evidence that life once existed there. One of the problems with looking for life on Mars is that any organic matter on the surface will not last for long. Thanks to plentiful amounts of carbon dioxide and water in the Martian atmo- some of the missions Impe sphere, any matter present would quickly oxidise. With the help of a drill that can dig up to two meters down, ExoMars will look for organic matter that has been preserved underneath the oxidising surface. landing on a comet 750 m Scientists at Imperial are working on an instrument for ExoMars called the Lifemarker chip. It works in a similar way to a investigating the unique w pregnancy test, using antibodies to identify particular molecules. But even if life is not detected, all is not lost. Another possibility, and one that Professor Mark Sephton, from the Earth Sciences and Engineering Department at Imperial, thinks is likely, is that ExoMars will detect the signature of ancient life. 3.8 billion years ago, Mars was much wetter and Saturn’s moons, to huntin warmer than it is now, and not too dissimilar to the Earth at that time. Life arose on Earth, so why not on Mars too? If life did exist, ExoMars hopes to fi nd its signature preserved in the rocks. other planets, and even wh

One reason to suspect life on Mars, or conditions conducive to life, is the amount of methane in the Martian atmosphere. our feet fi rmly on the grou There are only a few ways for the methane to have got there, and most have already been ruled out. The remaining pos- sibilities are that either life is creating methane, or that water underneath the surface is reacting with basaltic rock and creating it. Sephton seems confi dent that, either way, ExoMars will fi nd something interesting: “If we discover biology, great. But even if we just fi nd reactions going on underneath the surface, that means there’s water there and that creates opportunities for life.”

Earth

Space research at Imperial is not focused solely on those distant heavenly wan- derers. One important mission that Imperial is involved with, Cluster, is studying the magnetic environment of Earth. It is well named, this mission, as it involves the use of four spacecraft, orbiting the planet in a pyramid formation. With such an arrangement, a 3D view of the planets magnetosphere can be created. What have we learnt from Cluster? As Chris Carr, senior research lecturer says, “ev- erything’s a lot more complicated that we thought!”. Operating four spacecraft, calibrating and processing the data and keeping them fl ying for over a decade is apparently hard work. To further complicate matters, two new instruments have been added to the confi guration in the form of the Double Star Mission. The in- struments are identical in everything but their orbit, and will provide much needed context to the Cluster Mission. Double Star is a collaboration with researchers from China, and the fi rst time China has launched a satellite for purely scientifi c reasons. All data from the Cluster missions are now open to the world scientifi c community, a requisite for being publicly funded. On the issue of fi nances – NASA has had to abandon any plans for future missions to the moon, thanks mainly to a massive US defi cit. In a climate of austerity, with scientifi c funding frozen, we asked Chris Carr whether unmanned space research was the future. “Indeed”, he says, “We shouldn’t be aiming to put humans into space. It’s a nasty place – there’s radiation, a vacuum, and no one can hear you scream. In my opinion, 99% of the effort and money is spent on keeping the humans alive and bringing them back safely. Only 1% is spent on the actual experiments. The best value for money in space research is that done remotely from the ground. There’s nothing an as- tronaut can do that you couldn’t do from the ground by remote control.” While getting humans back to the moon may be a cause for celebration for all humanity, its focus is exploration of the unknown, and not on science. HE DEPTHS . Illustrations: Veronika McQuadeova. able to think of clichés, he o the stars. The staff and e London are no exception, numerous missions to ex- Churyumov-Gerasimenko Comet Launched in 2004, the Rosetta spacecraft is on a 10 year mission to the comet 67P/Churyu- ere, we take a look at just mov-Gerasimenko. As well as observing it in visible, microwave and infra red light, and studying its composition via spectrometry, the Rosetta mission will study the comet’s magnetosphere erial is involved with. From – a task controlled and coordinated by a team from Imperial. When a comet travels towards the sun, the heat vaporises the water, carbon dioxide and tarry materials that make up the body of million kilometers away and the comet. The intense solar radiation, at the same time, ionises this gas creating a plasma. Rosetta will position itself within this plasma, and will study the magnetic environment of the weather system on one of comet. Chris Carr, head of Imperial’s Space Magnetometer Laboratory, explains why such information is useful. “The raw material of the solar system is in a comet”, says Carr, “This ng for the signs of life on stuff has been preserved out in the far reaches of the solar system for 4.5 billion years, with- out being modifi ed, so it would be great to see some of this material close up”. Previously, the y it might be better to keep spacecraft Giotto, in 1986, fl ew by Haley’s comet. Since it was only a fl yby, it could only get a snapshot of the environment of the comet. Rosetta will be the fi rst satellite to go in orbit around und while doing all of this. a comet. Once there it will also release a lander, to study up close and personal the chemical and magnetic structure of the comet. This kind of mission has never been attempted before; it is an exploratory mission. The team of Imperial scientists hope that the study of the interaction between the sun and the comet will lead to greater understandings of the plasma environment around our own planet.

Saturn

One of the big mysteries remaining in our solar system concerns atmosphere on Saturn. Models that predict the temperature of Sat- urn’s upper atmosphere, based on the sunlight that reaches it, give a temperature that is around 200°C below what is observed. Dr Ingo Mueller-Wodarg, a physicist at Imperial, admits that this should be a “rather basic” problem to solve, but that nothing has yet been identifi ed that can explain these high temperatures on any gas giant. But he thinks that he and his colleagues may have a solution.

Saturn, like Earth, has its own magnetic fi eld. This magnetic fi eld causes currents to fl ow in the atmosphere, heating it up. However, these currents fl ow at the planet’s poles, but the unexplained high temperatures are seen near the equator. Moving energy towards the equator on a fast spinning planet like Saturn is tricky thanks to the Coriolis force. Mueller-Wodard and colleagues have now been able to simulate the high temperatures observed by including forces between charged and neutral particles in their model. This additional drag allows the heat from the poles to eventually spread out over the whole planet, giving the atmosphere a temperature boost.

Titan

The model, which aimed to predict the behaviour of the winds in Titan’s atmo- sphere as well as the temperatures, was developed ten years ago, in part by Dr Ingo Mueller-Wodarg, a physicist from Imperial. It made predictions based purely on solar heating of Titan’s upper atmosphere, but did not predict the changes in temperature and atmospheric density that Cassini has since observed in the moon’s atmosphere. Cassini’s orbit is designed so that the spacecraft fl ies through the atmosphere of Titan periodically. Each time it does this, it measures a different atmospheric density. Mueller-Wodarg says the variability in Cassini’s measurements is still a “major mystery”. His current work investigates a possible cause.

Imperial physicists are also contributing towards an understanding of Titan’s unique chemis- try. Titan is the only body in the solar system, apart from Earth, that has a weather system – but its lakes are fi lled with methane and ethane, rather than water. However, we can’t see any of this from the outside; the moon is enveloped in a yellow haze, made up of methane and large hydrocarbon molecules. While Cassini measurements are important for looking at the upper atmosphere of Titan, the Huygens probe was needed to take a closer look near the surface. In 2005, Huygens drifted down through Titan’s atmosphere, taking measurements on its way to the surface. It found lots of heavy molecules. Mueller-Wodarg and colleagues believe that extreme ultraviolet sunlight absorbed in Titan’s upper atmosphere creates lots of free radicals that then combine to create the huge hydrocarbon molecules that are seen. These molecules then sink down to the surface and contribute to the weather cycle. VI PULLOUT WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 THE DAILY FELIX SCIENCE SEX DRUGS AND ROCK ‘N’ ROLL Why do the hedonistic pleasures of music, sex and drugs please us so? It’s all in our heads, says Polly Bennett Clearly, Kraftwerk wasn’t the right choice for setting the mood. Try some Barry White next time, that always gets me going

listen to Puccini, others listen to rock, and vulnerable of human activities, usually more dance music climaxing with the funky while others still listen to some horrid takes place in our bed at home. This is the very house genre when it’s time for punters to get musical genre called drum and bass. It heart of our social territory, and equates to our a little more risqué with one another. Funky would be obvious to point out that mu- ‘nest’. It is the biggest, most driving reason house is best described as pumping, often fast- sic plays a central role in our lives, but why we all want to own territory. Sex between paced, very disco and occasionally a little like what is specifi cally interesting about music two people in this nest creates “joint social ter- porn music. Iis how it reinforces and defi nes the personal ritory,” and this is enhanced if the couple are In the last few years Brian has observed that spaces we choose to live in. This is something listening to music they both enjoy. Evidence the “younger sector want R&B.” Based on that Dr. Harry Witchel, of the Brighton and suggests they will feel more synchronised and the theories suggested by Dr. Witchel, R&B Sussex Medical School, calls “social terri- coordinated and subsequently the sex should music encompasses the worlds of today’s tory”. As he explains in his new book, “it is be more mind blowing and intimate. youth and is therefore familiar and comfort- not a place – it is a state of mind that triggers But if our beds are the safest and most com- ing to them. This genre is part of their every- various behaviours of empowerment.” fortable places to have sex, why do people day social territory and is likely to make them The common garden robin is the fl agship fantasize about sex in more unusual places? more confi dent engaging in sex in this foreign species of our great British birds. Competition What Dr. Witchel argues is that when some- environment. So while funky house is most for territory between male robins and other one is in the right mood, perhaps enhanced by likely not the musical genre people have sex This little piggy went to a swingers club perching birds, such as warblers, is known a good day followed by a few cocktails and to in their bedrooms, its thumping beats and to be determined by singing. Two males will some banging tunes in a happening new club, the heady atmosphere it creates can encourage have a singing showdown until one of them then sex can be used to “borrow feelings of people out of their comfort zone. gives up, and thus a territory or “home range” territory” even in a foreign situation. Sex is Our behavioural responses to music differ in the brain with more sophistication, testing re- is gained. But in contrast to the animal king- not the only goal in these situations; otherwise response to music choice, as witnessed in, for gions with stimuli to create maps that show dom, music has no physical function for hu- people would just wait until they got home. example, sex clubs, and research has shown which regions become active in response to mans. In 1999 Nature published a paper de- So Dr. Witchel suggests that people want to that our neurological activity parallels this which stimuli. This has been done for a variety tailing an attempt to understand the human dominate the social space, as well as have sex. depending on if we’re listening to what we of stimuli, including music. For comparison, neurological response to music. The research And as music evokes powerful emotions in us personally consider good or bad music. Our Dutch scientists took MRIs of male brains team explained in their paper that “music has then the music, sex and territory all become perception of and emotional response to music during ejaculation (only in the Netherlands no intrinsic survival value, but it still evokes tangled in a charged and intense web. affects everyone’s brains differently. would this be remotely possible) to see which powerful emotions”. Brian Sheridan owns a swingers club in The research team responsible for the Nature regions were activated. They then compared Dr. Witchel’s new book You Are What You London called The F Club. He explained that paper found there were changes in cerebral this with other activities that elicit a similar re- Hear explores this topic – what effect does although his different crowds want differ- blood fl ow to regions of the brain that became sponse in these same regions. Music activates music have, and why does it so powerfully ent music, his DJs must always “interpret the activated when listening to pleasant music. the ventral tegmental area (VTA) of the brain, elicit certain behaviours in us. He recently tore mood of the fl oor to create an atmosphere that Test subjects listened to six versions of a piece which acts as a pleasure centre. Other activi- through the stale fug of the Royal Institution to is inspirationally sexual. The music needs to of music with varying degrees of dissonance ties known to activate this region are taking give an exuberant talk on this social function be sexy, erotic and soulful.” Brian explained while undergoing PET scans. Findings sug- cocaine and heroin. Despite cocaine being a of music in humans. Music we enjoy provides how the evening builds up with more and gest that the neural processes occurring when depressant and heroin a stimulant, both ac- a sense of ownership and belonging through responding to pleasant/unpleasant music are tivities elicit pleasure or a ‘reward’ feeling associative memories. It also increases our similar to those occurring when experienc- and hence the VTA is stimulated while taking confi dence. He explained that this is why car ing pleasant/unpleasant emotions. So, when either of these. Similarly for drugs and music, drivers can be so rude, because while listening “Cocaine, ejaculation and music all we experience emotions in response to music, the VTA is activated in male and female brains to their favourite music in this safe and pro- blood fl ow to the affected regions of the brain during orgasms, which partly explains why tected bubble they own, they can ignore other elicit a pleasure sensation in the increases to cope with our increased demand music and sex have such a positive-feedback motorists. for glucose at this time of high activity. mechanism during our desire to increase or Sex, as probably the most intimate, private same region of the brain” MRI scanning can look at such changes in further defi ne our social territory. THE DAILY FELIX WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 PULLOUT VII SCIENCE The Clone Wars Thea Cunningham looks at the science behind Never Let Me Go

he fi lm industry isn’t shy of a human cloning plot or two (Alien Resurrection, Multiplicity, The Island, anyone?) and last month was no exception with the UK release Tof Never Let Me Go, based on the 2005 A short history of novel by British author Kazuo Ishiguro. The fi lm centers around three youths – cloning Kathy, Tommy and Ruth – who are all pupils at a fi ctional English boarding 1895 – Hans Driesch clones a school. So far, so normal. But behind its sea urchin by dividing an em- walls lies a dark secret, for Kathy and bryo and allowing both sides her peers are each a human clone, creat- to grow ed from the DNA of members of society 1951 – Frog cloned by replac- to act as organ donors. Throughout their ing the nucleus from an em- lives, the clones are forced to undergo bryo with another’s several ‘retrieval operations’, in which 1993 – Scientists clone fi rst the required organs are plucked from human embryonic cells their bodies, until one fateful day, when 1999 – Dolly the sheep – the their original requires a vital organ, they fi rst vertebrate cloned ‘complete’, and their time is up. 2005 – Hwang Woo-Suk clones Cloning humans to serve as organ do- fi rst dog, named “Snuppy” nors is not yet a reality. Nevertheless, 2008 – Human Fertilisation the concept of human cloning, much like and Embryology Act allows reproductive technologies and genetic experiments on hybrid human- engineering in general, is not immune to animal embryos Keira Knightley, centre, cast perfectly as a character that looks and behaves almost like a real human controversy. There are two types of cloning: thera- peutic cloning and reproductive cloning. Therapeutic cloning involves inserting place to create a new artifi cial cell that is the father into an egg before it was im- ing was attributable to her cause of death. potential to become a lucrative industry. a patient’s cells (often skin cells) into a a genetically identical copy of the donor. planted into the womb, so that the result- These risks aside, human cloning also Though ‘organ farms’ are an unlikely fertilized egg which has had its DNA re- The new cell is equipped with the full ing child would be a clone of its father. dumps a whole heap of ethics on the lab possibility (and arguably immoral) the moved. Once the cell divides, scientists genetic toolkit needed to develop into a In 2009, he claimed three of his clones bench. Though science fi ction might be fi lm’s premise highlights the hypotheti- can then extract stem cells from it and human being. When it starts to divide, it – then supposedly all nine years of age to blame for perpetuating gross miscon- cal benefi ts of reproductive cloning for use these to grow tissue. The Human sparks the embryonic development pro- – were alive and kicking somewhere ceptions of a utopian society, the idea organ transplantation. According to lat- Fertilisation and Embryology Act, which cess. In order to clone a human, scientists in Eastern Europe. There’s still no evi- of creating exact human copies has pro- est fi gures from the NHS Organ Dona- has allowed research on human em- would have to transfer this lump of cells dence that these clones exist and scien- voked the kind of ethical dilemmas of- tion Register in the UK, 10,500 people bryos for medical research since 1990, from the petri dish into a uterus and al- tists remain somewhat skeptical. ten asked when considering abortion. At are currently in need of a transplant was amended in 2001 to make legal the low it to develop. The concept of human Media-covered scandals like these what point does life start? Who would and approximately 1,000 people die cloning of human embryos for medical cloning started moving from the realm of that seep into the public consciousness have control over a clone’s body, their every year whilst waiting for one. Cre- research into serious diseases and their science fi ction to that of reality following do little to relieve the fears surrounding actions, and their life? Would clones be ating clones from which organs and treatments, under the provision that they the birth of Dolly the sheep - the world’s cloning already instilled amongst soci- at liberty to claim equal rights as their other bodily elements could be harvested are destroyed by the end of the 14th day. fi rst cloned vertebrate – in 1997. The Hu- ety. For many, the technical and health donors, or equal rights to those created would both reduce the need for donors, Over the past decade therapeutic clon- man Reproductive Cloning Act, passed risks involved with reproductive clon- by natural fertilization? and reduce the chance of organ rejection. ing has proved costly and often ineffi - in the UK in late 2001, made it an of- ing are reason alone to ensure the con- In the fi lm, pupils at the school be- It’s not just transplant technology that cient (over 90% of attempts at cloning fense to implant a cloned human embryo cept never comes to fruition. There is come so accepting of their fate that they human cloning may have the potential fail to produce viable offspring) but it’s into a womb and threatens a hefty prison widespread unease over the inability of don’t attempt to challenge it. Each of to assist; the cloning of animals would become invaluable for things like drug sentence to anyone who tries. But whilst scientists to predict to what extent clon- them are treated as nothing more than aid our understanding of the safety and development and insulin production. cloning humans for reproductive pur- ing could impact on mental and physi- a dehumanised organ repository, soul- effi ciency of the cloning technique on Because therapeutically cloned tissue is poses may be illegal in the UK, it hasn’t cal development should a defect in the less and unworthy of emotion. They are humans. Scientists in favour of clon- a perfect genetic match for the patient, stopped scientists trying their chances donor cells occur. What would happen monitored with electronic bracelets like ing speak of its ability to assist infertile it reduces the risk of the body’s immune elsewhere. Around a decade ago, Italian to cloned humans that are past the pre- animals, required to sit through frequent couples and greatly improve our under- system rejecting it, and just three years embryologist Dr. Severino Antinori, fa- embryo stage but are unlikely to turn medical examinations and are forbidden standing of the genetic basis of disease. ago, surgeons in Spain announced they mous for his fertility work, became the into live, healthy offspring? from doing things that could possibly The future for genetic and reproduc- had carried out the fi rst tissue-engineered centre of debate when he made public his Cloned animals tend to have weaker jeopardize their health, such as smoking, tive technologies may be exciting, but whole organ transplant using a windpipe intentions to use cloning technology to immune systems, as well as higher rates drinking and having unprotected sex. it’s frightening as well. The technical and made from the patient’s own stem cells. help infertile couples have children. of infection, tumor growth and other Any clone created in the laboratory is ethical factors are abundant. Mix these Instead of using this type of technol- Antinori planned to inject DNA from disorders. So far scientists have been essentially an artifi cial product, the re- with the moral imperative, the types of ogy to create organs suitable for trans- unable to see how clones age because sult of a human decision and human ac- emotional issues seen in Never Let Me plants, Never Let Me Go makes use of many cloned animals haven’t lived long tion. There is concern that some creators Go, plus a shroud of public mistrust gen- human clones as the source of such items. “Human cloning enough. Dolly was put to sleep in 2003 will use the technique as a mere means erated by cloning scandals and you have To produce human clones would require after developing progressive lung dis- to fulfi ll their selfi sh whims, egoism and a contentious issue on your plate. With reproductive cloning, which involves dumps a whole heap ease. Her death – just six and a half years self-interest, as seen in the case of Anti- this in mind, perhaps we should rest safe removing the nucleus of an egg cell and after her conception – sparked concerns nori. Like the fertility fi eld, human clon- in the knowledge that this premise be- inserting a nucleus from a donor cell in of ethics into the lab” about her true age, and whether her clon- ing for reproductive purposes has the longs only to fi ction, for now. 8YihgW\Y6Ub_ 5[]`Y

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Games Editor: Simon Worthington [email protected] GAMES Game developers don’t need to draw... Michael Cook can’t draw pictures or compose music, but he can still make games

s you saw yesterday, if ways you can lessen your reliance on it. missing from your UI when you can’t you took a look at our So we’ve got our look, as well as fi nd it yourself. Initially, IC.HACK only prototype, IC.HACK some great sounds and music from the displayed the current health, not the now has some visuals. talented TIGSource community. Now maximum. But that made it impossible We’ve looked at build- we need the feel – and by that, I mean to know when to heal yourself, so that ing prototypes and getting the basic controls, interface and so on. People quickly got changed. Playtesters will Achallenges out there for playtesters to dedicate their entire academic lives to pick up on these things too, but many get on with. What else is important for researching human interactions with will be so simple that you should be able small-scale game design? Today we’re computers, so believe me when I say to catch them yourself. doing ‘look and feel’ and the fi rst half there’s no limit to the stuff you can read Third, go listen to developers. Plenty of this is the art and music. No doubt, about this. But for now, common sense have written about UI design, and it’s we’ll probably be nodding our heads to reigns supreme. Let’s look at IC.HACK all there on Gamasutra, or in developer yesterday’s thoughts on ‘shortcuts’ too, and see what we’ve got. commentaries. Common themes that because most of us are in no position to First, know the theme. IC.HACK is emerge in these are the use of visual take on the challenge of art ourselves. simple and arcade-like, so we’ve stuck metaphors (IC.HACK has the classic As indie developers, you have a mixed with arrow keys for movement and just heart next to the health – obvious, but hand. Your weaknesses are a lack of two keys for actions – attack, and spe- helps catch the player’s eye when their funding, time and sometimes technol- focus is elsewhere on the screen) and ogy. But one of your strengths is that colour-coding. The latter is quite under- people want to play your game. Gamers “We want to rated; lots of games rely on white text like games, and they like ‘one of their and blue boxes to convey information, own’ having a go, and that means that entertain our players but the use of colour can help gamers art doesn’t have to be your top priority. react faster. Red text draws their eyes to But no one wants to stick with those for minutes rather danger, for instance. Green colours have rectangles forever, so what can you do? been associated with healing for decades Assuming you, like me, have all the ar- than hours, so of platformers and fi ghters. tistic ability of a paralysed kangaroo, you This version of IC.HACK introduces don’t want to spend time drawing and You can tell he’s a Maths student by the hooded robe and glowing eyes... simplicity is best.” the meat of gameplay, with special composing your own resources. Where moves, proper sound and music, better do you go to look? The key resource for visuals and camerawork. We’re now this sort of thing is TIGSource, an inde- visual problem you’ll face as a developer in IC.HACK is a pretty simple one – I cial attack. Things like item use and halfway through our tour of small-scale pendent game development community - animation. Animation complicates ev- don’t use animation. It means IC.HACK other world interaction is automatic, game development! Make sure you who are as friendly as they are infor- erything, for so many reasons. First, you takes a hit visually – attacking enemies done on collision with items. Games check out today’s build and get in touch mative. Their Assemblee competition often can’t use animation drawn by other becomes a rather nasty fl ash of a sword like Dragon Age get away with much at [email protected]. (http://tinyurl.com/gamedev3) resulted people, because of scale, speed or posi- on the screen, and damage is indicated richer interfaces, but they’re packing in in a vast collection of free art and music, tion problems that might not be compat- by fading blood marks or fl ashes of red. more depth. We want to entertain our which IC.HACK borrows from hugely, ible with the rest of your game. As for But it works, and it saved hours of fuss- players for minutes rather than hours, so but their forums are also full of artists creating your own, animation is prob- ing over placement and representations. simplicity is best. Every extra key you DOWNLOAD IC.HACK: and composers willing to help people out ably the hardest thing you could attempt Game Maker makes it easy to include add is a new function your player has to sn.im/ichack for free. They also can help point you the yourself. Not only is there the problem animation, but the problem of creating it learn – bear that in mind. direction of larger pools of art and music of creating the initial art, but synchro- remains. Ask yourself if your game re- Second, play the game yourself. You Discuss: felixonline.co.uk available to games developers. nising multiple frames as well can be ally needs animation before trying to go should be doing this anyway, but you’ll Game Maker: sn.im/25gndv This might lead you onto the biggest a nightmare. You’ll notice my solution ahead with it. And if it does, try to fi nd quickly realise what information is

environment Bethesda chose for Fall- they didn’t just see it off. The Fallout Games That out 3 (which clearly made more sense Wiki estimates it at about 80% fi nished, COMPETITION TIME! as this where New Vegas went back to with most of the engine, dialogue and Never Made It #2: anyway). Players take the role of a pris- models already polished and perfect. oner who could decide whether they This is, however, Black Isle Studios. YOU CAN WIN: Fallout 3 Van had been wrongfully convicted or were Maybe it just didn’t meet the standard One of four packs actually a full-blown criminal, with bo- they set themselves for making awe- of exclusive Final Buren nus skills pertaining to their particular some games, but I really can’t believe Fantasy XIII art- misdeed. that would have been the case. Maybe I work, signed by pro- The game appeared to be following a should just cut my losses and be thank- ducer Yoshinori Ki- Hush up fanboys and those sad enough far truer path to the original two games ful for the VATS system that most likely tase and art director to try and pick a fi ght with static print, of the franchise with the NCR ever pres- would have never come in without Isamu Kamikokuryo! I’m gonna say it, they cancelled Fallout ent, and the idea for Caesar’s Legion, Bethesda, but even that’s just a solu- 3. Not the one you or I played/saw/ one of the key New Vegas fac- tion to a design Black Isle were trying to read about/licked etc. No, this tions, actually started here with implement. Either way, it’s defi nitely a HOW TO ENTER: game was in development by Van Buren. game to cry yourself to sleep over never Follow our Twitter Black Isle Studios, the in- OK, I guess this is kind of getting to play. page @FelixGames ventors of more cancelled a whine that I wish Fallout and re-tweet our games than ones to actually 3 had just been a bit better competition message make it to the shelves. and I think this was the way at sn.im/ffxiiicomp to Van Buren was to be set to do it, but the game was so Have your say on this enter! Winners will be back west as opposed to the DC close to completion it’s mental article at felixonline.co.uk announced on Friday! 10 WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 THE DAILY FELIX Travel Editors: Chris Richardson Dylan Lowe TRAVEL [email protected] Regal charms of New Zealand Dylan Lowe

The lowdown: Two million tourists tread the two islands of New Zealand every year – for a very good reason. Its natural beauty is second to none; its reputation as an adrenaline junkie’s wettest of dreams well deserved. Culture: Easy-going, liberal – the Kiwis present- ing a big culture gap is as likely as you being eaten by a sheep. The Maoris, indigenous people of New Zealand, have a colourful history and are immense- ly proud of their heritage – behold and respect it. Costs: Prices are considerably lower than in England, yet still substantially higher than the likes of South America and Southeast Asia. Much of your budget will be spent on activities so try re- ducing your everyday expenditures. Cuisine: With a sizeable ex-pat population from Asia and Europe the gastronomic diversity is aston- ishing. Locally-sourced ingredients – kiwis, cray- fi sh, mussels, lamb – should keep you salivating; brush it all off with top-notch wine from Central Must see: The snow-capped Southern Alps basking in the golden sunset – one glorious panorama of a bedroom view Otago, Hawkes Bay and the Marlborough region. Augmenting Auckland Taupo-nui-a-Tia Glacial Franz Josef Quaffy Queenstown

By far the largest city in New Zealand, Auckland Taupo boasts many features that surpass Queen- Whilst the township of Franz Josef consists mainly Regarded as the southern hemisphere’s adrenaline is often regarded for its logistic merits rather than stown, its South Island adventure-capital counter- of a handful of blocks and the major road running capital, Queenstown enjoys a healthy year-round entertainment. It serves as the reluctant port-of-call part. Consisting of a small town and Lake Taupo, through it, it’s unfairly overshadowed and dwarfed blitz of tourists. Whilst many have arrived with the and layover for visitors to New Zealand, most try- a crater lake the size of Amsterdam formed by a by the nearby glacier that shares its name. While intention of leaping off something, Queenstown’s ing to fl ee at the fi rst opportunity. Some may even super-volcano eruption, it lures in tourists with its the village provides conveniences to visitors it’s gorgeous scenery has in turn enticed the less ad- call it a dump. Truth is, unpopular may it be, Auck- sexed-up selection of extreme sports – alongside the natural spectacle they are after – the 12km-long venturous. As a result there’s no shortage of eater- land represents the cultural melting pot New Zea- world-class hiking and a ferocious party vibe. glacier is the main attraction of New Zealand’s ies, shops, pubs and nightclubs accommodating the land is transforming into, and houses many hidden Accommodation: Being one of New Zealand’s West Coast, fl ocked by thousands of tourists each tourism market. gems yearning to be discovered. most popular tourist destinations, fi nding a place to day eager to admire the icy giant. Accommodation: Hostels are aplenty, scattered Accommodation: The local YHA and Base both kip isn’t the centre of worries – choosing one is. A Accommodation: Franz Josef Township, 5km all over the town centre. Whilst the big chains like have multi-storey complexes in town. Smaller, backpackers’ hostel practically springs from every from the glacier, supplies the bed spaces. Despite YHA and Base have branches here, try a small- daintier hostels can be found scattered around the street – do some comparing. an abundance of accommodation-providers they scale hostel for a more homely stay. More upmar- central business district, a stone’s throw away from Food: The big fast-food chains have colonised are fairly packed – swiftly booked out too. The lo- ket options are located further away from the vibe, all the action. and dominated the food scene – an unsettling ob- cal YHA, for instance, is often frequented by cli- which may be handy if you prefer quieter nights. Food: The façade of Auckland, Queens Street, servation for the foodie – though some are not enteles ending up there after driving past too many Food: No supermarket but one exists for miles unjustly represents the seemingly limited culi- without merit. Burgerfuel, a Kiwi establishment, ‘no vacancy’ signs. from the centre, its produce unjustly extortionate. nary options. The cultural diversity shows in the is one worth an attempt. Two mega-sized super- Food: With a limited number of options clus- Most restaurants offer budget-friendly lunch menus vast number of cuisines dotted around side alleys. markets perched on the edge of town will attend to tered along the main road the food scene isn’t ex- or, if your fi nance won’t stretch, try the local food Several pan-Asian food courts provide delectable your self-catering needs. actly glamorous – though some offer costly culi- court. Recommended is getting your hands on a meals that will keep the lowest of budgets in check. Activities: Allow your imagination to go wild – nary delights. There is a convenience store, which Fergburger – if not to experience its legendary sta- For more upmarket options check out the Elliot and a sturdy fi nance too. This is where adrenaline- is usually adequately stocked up – suffi cient to tus, savour their size-of-your-face burgers. Expect Stables as well as districts like Parnell. seekers let loose their comfort-zone boundaries; a fend off hunger for relatively short stays. long queues – especially during rat-arsed hours. Activities: Escape the modernised CBD and more economic choice compared with Queenstown Activities: Coming to Franz Josef people are Activities: Queenstown is a daredevil’s defi nition Auckland’s charms unveils itself. The colonial past too. Indeed, Taupo Tandem Skydiving lays claim fairly clear-minded with their purpose: to see the of paradise: from paragliding to heli-snow sports, is visible on buildings, though for a thorough his- to the cheapest skydive in the country – a rather glacier. The Franz Josef Glacier Guides have tours from jetboating to skydiving – it’d have your blad- tory lesson the Auckland Museum is the place to pleasant, panoramic plunge into the lake below. covering the needs of distant speculators and ex- der clenched day and night. Queenstown is also the be. The Auckland Central Library offers a range The mix-bag of the usual suspects – bungy jump- pert ice climbers alike. Heli-hiking – descending birthplace of commercial bungee jumping – pay- of free talks, which includes Maori lessons. A ing, jetboating – is readily available. Tramping – on to the ice in a helicopter – gives you a chance to ing tribute to Kawarau Bridge – where the fi rst- ferry-ride away, Waiheke Island boasts vineyards New Zealand slang for hiking – enthusiast or not, soak up its magnifi cence from an aerial view. ever leaps were performed – aside, the real rite-of- and fi ne dining whilst Rangitoto is a dormant giant the nearby Tongariro National Park pledges to give Annoyances: Do not attempt to hike the glacier passage lies with the Nevis, which boasts a 134m volcano, its past eruptions fossilised in intriguing you all one of the best day’s walk of your lives. without a guide. Several lives were sharply termi- freefall. For the less gutsy, there are always milder rock formations. Auckland Bridge is scenic spot Bring you skis to Ruapehu, one of the three active nated last year by tumbling ice when guidance was water sports, hiking, and frisbee golf. Queenstown for anyone eager to lose their bungy-virginity. stratovolcanoes constituting the National Park. ignored. becomes a popular ski destination in the winter. THE DAILY FELIX WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 11

Food Editors: Vicky Jeyaprakash Dana Li [email protected] FOOD Apocalypse Chow in Ho Chi Minh Peter Quicke and Jamie Rickman share their Vietnamese food know-how beautifulinsidemyhead.blogspot.com

Cook noodles according to the RECIPE directions on the package, then drain and set aside in a bowl. Combine chicken broth, onion Pho Ga slices, fi sh sauce, sliced baby carrots and chicken in a soup pot; bring to a simmer. 10 cups chicken broth In a tea infuser, add the cloves, 1 onion, thinly sliced ginger, garlic, star anise and 1 1/4 ounces fresh ginger, 4 1/2 place with the chicken. inch thick slices Simmer the chicken, vegetables 2 tablespoons fi sh sauce and spice mixture for about 30 3 cloves garlic, halved minutes, until the chicken is ten- 2 star anise der and cooked through. 10 whole cloves Remove chicken and cut into 1 large skinless, boneless chick- small pieces, then place back en breast, trimmed into the simmering soup pot. 8 ounces fresh bean sprouts Remove the tea infuser, discard 12 small carrots, sliced ingredients inside. 8 ounces rice stick noodles or Ladle the soup into the large udon noodles serving bowl with the noodles. 3 green onions, sliced Add the bean sprouts, green on- 1 or 2 limes, cut into wedges ions, cilantro and basil leaves to 1/2 cup fresh cilantro the serving bowl. 1/2 cup fresh basil leaves Serve with fresh lime wedges and chilli. Credit: www.soonthen.blogspot.com

I dare you, I do, I do, to eat that chilli with your fi ngers and then rub them in your eyes. Did you? No? Wuss!

t’s breakfast time in Vietnam, the cyclists. Filled with cold cuts of sausage Balut is another delicacy, consisting of sun’s not up yet but you can hear meat, Vietnamese mayonnaise, pickled a fertilised duck egg cracked open, sea- the clashing of pots and pans and vegetables and laughing cow cheese - soned with salt and pepper and gulped the calling of the street vendors they make the perfect afternoon snack. down bones feathers and all. hawking all manner of foods Coffee is another national institution: So where do you go in London for an from greasy deep fried spring rolls to hot or cold and strong enough to wake authentic Vietnamese meal on a student crystalI clear broths. Families congregate the dead, it is sweetened with condensed budget? Old Street and Kingsland Road around their tiny matriarchs, little old milk. The best coffee is brewed from in east London have some of the fi n- ladies pouring out steaming bowls of beans diligently processed by the diges- est around. We especially recommend noodle soup from cauldrons larger than tive tract of the civet cat known as cafe Cay Tre. Unfortunately you can’t order themselves. They eat together, squat- cut chon or fox-dung coffee. snake hearts, but it does serve a wide ting outside their front doors, calling Beer, costing between 13p and 25p a variety of delicious meat and vegetar- to their neighbours as the dawn breaks. glass, is another remnant of Vietnam’s ian dishes all reasonably priced and big Food is deeply rooted in the Vietnamese colonial past. It is brewed in some of the enough for a hungry student. It can get culture and is far more than just suste- best micro-breweries outside of Bavaria quite busy so it’s a good idea to book nance. The principle of Yin and Yang is with each town selling its own version ahead, the service is quick and the at- even applied to the preparation of food; Vietnam eh? GET ME SOME PHO NOW! Purrrr-ty please? of Bia Hoi, usually from old plastic bot- mosphere bustling. Our favourite dishes ingredients are put together in harmony tles. Five pounds in your pocket could were the sizzling seafood platter, and with season, climate and the physical get the whole of Reynolds bar drunk. beef chunks. And the mixed starter is well-being of the diners. Food brings the gion to region but the basic idea stays “It’s breakfast time With over 3000 km of coastline, sea- delicious and fresh, seasoned beautifully family together; to be invited to share a the same; a bowl of aromatic noodle food is also a staple. Squid, prawns, with peanuts and chilli and sweet fennel. meal in Vietnam is extending the hand soup fi lled with tasty things: mung in Vietnam, the sun’s shark, ray and practically anything else There are so many tastes and fl avours of friendship and welcome. beans, leaves, and succulent meat fi n- that can be harvested from the depths is in Vietnamese cuisine that there’s some- Fish sauce, soy sauce, fi sh sauce and ished with chilli and lime. It’s simple, not up yet but you consumed with gusto. thing to satisfy any mood or hunger, and more fi sh sauce. This is the defi nitive fi lling and so delicious, Hanoi eats it for And of course the famous fi sh sauce, is great for the health-conscious, veg- taste of Vietnamese cuisine, the salt and breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Creamy can hear the clash- made by fermenting fi sh in pots under a etarians and other undesirables. Feeling pepper of their table. Vietnamese food is rice noodles temper the chilli and the hot sun for days on end, left long enough inspired and creative? Try our recipe for pure and vibrant, its basic food bought lime cuts through the boiled meat; usu- ing of pots and pans this produces an intensely nutty, cheesy delicious chicken Pho, Pho Ga, and get to life by herbs, spices and heaps of chil- ally beef or chicken. fl avour that forms the essence of many eating! li. The most popular dishes are fresh or While Pho remains a staple, there is and the calling of the Vietnamese dishes. fried spring rolls, dumplings – sweet or so much more to be tried. Sandwiched For a food adventure try beating snake savoury fi lled with minced meat or red between India and China, previously street vendors...” heart, a delicacy in Vietnam, it’s thought bean paste, and barbequed meats all sold colonised by France and plagued by to improve potency when washed down on the street, oh and pho, the cult of pho. missionaries from around the globe, with snake bile and snake blood. Also, Tomorrow’s section is imported from... Pho, pronounced ‘fer’, the ubiquitous Vietnam remains a fi ercely independent recipe books to create the tastiest fusion rice wine is used to pickle birds and Vietnamese dish is the embodiment of country and has thrown off the shackles dishes in the world. A surprising sight scorpions and used to cure everything their food. The fl ourishes vary from re- of all these nations while pillaging their are French baguettes under the arms of from the common cold to a broken heart. JAPAN 12 WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 THE DAILY FELIX Puzzles Editors: Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar PUZZLES [email protected] Pictogram - Another Innocent? Innocent 1. 3. 5. 2. 4. 6.

A strange note arrived at my personal reserved leads to the name of a sub-editor. Use the letters sarily cryptic. Perhaps they were being watched? At 1.library computer. It read “From the sub-editors”2. and indicated below to reveal another innocent party. But 4. the very least, I thought, 5.I’ll only have two suspects was accompanied by an unusual series of drawings beware: Each picture may contain one false letter.” left after solving this. The nightmare may end soon... that looked strangely like they hid something. I For someone who seemingly wished to help me found some further instructions below: “Each picture bring this fi end to justice, they were being unneces-

8th, 11th and 15th letters 3rd, 4th and 5th letters 2nd letter 3rd and 5th letters 3rd, 9th and 18th letters 3rd and 4th letters TTIRIPSRKE Yesterday’s Solutions Word Hunt A G A T H A C H R I S T I E DNZNDROLCVR W E L O A N S T R A I N U B E 10L G I A N C H A R L I E 1. Almighty H I A B B L V E U11 S T I N O V12 E Y A 15O V A 2. Creator IWEEFTKNMHR F E A R R K H A R V E Y 3. Demon C1316 H A1417 L K X18 1915S T U2016 D Y I O X I O E21 4. Divinity VMMT A I EKEAN2217 O A R 23T 18D24 I 19A G N25 O S I S Scribble Space 5. Idol A S S E A A H T 26N20 O A R M21 R O B E D22 M A23 N 6. Infinite L O K A E D E 7. Jah IOAEODNWTVC24 S I B L A25 C K C A T O U T U B N E T W O 8. Jehovah E26 V I L U N D E R T H E S U N 9. Lord NDRK I PH I OO 10. Maker 3 2 2 1 2 11. Omni ICOVEAIATH 2 3 2 2 2 3 2 2 12. Potent 1 2 2 3 2 2 13. Providence 3 2 1 1 3 TOOLYRSNJE 2 1 3 2 1 2 0 14. Spirit 321 123 15. Totem 2 1 2 2 16. Tutelary YRALETUTMJ 2 22 23 1 17. Yahweh 3 1 2 2 PALMIGHTYO 2 Nonogram Mentalist maze

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3 3 Apple Higher Education Store 5 3 apple.com/uk/go/save 5 4  THE DAILY FELIX WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 13 HANGMAN The Hangman Guide to... Horoscopes Success on the tube Sweat, smell and Burger King are just three ways Aries Taurus Today, you carefully clip away all Today, you wrap up all of your possessions to piss people off for your of your body hair with a pair of nail and post them to a random address in scissors. When you’re done you lather New York. When you tell your friends own amusement... yourself in cream cheese and put on about this they are less than impressed. your clothes. On the bus into campus the But they don’t understand MAN. It’s old lady behind you starts licking your symbolic MAN. It’s like sending your 1. You’re on the tube. It’s an awkward neck. Aaaah, heaven... shit to someone else... MAN situation. Pretending to text will not work. Remember you’re under the fuck- ing ground. Gemini Cancer 2. Opposite you is the hottest guy/girl/ gelatinous blob ever. “I’ll walk over Today, you disassemble the entirety of Today, you leap over the counter at there like George Clooney and all men Queens Tower. You take it down, brick the Library Cafe, kick the staff out in sight will be jealous.” Considering it by brick, stone by stone. Nobody notices and ‘claim the space’ for the public. took you 1 hour to perfect your happy Einstein says “Yeah, so, bitches be trippin’ yo.” Bohr concurs... you doing anything. When you’re done You and your friends run poetry ses- birthday facebook post to that girl/guy/ you then carefully reassemble it, exactly sions, debates, hand-holding work- lecturer you are inappropriately friendly as it was, just three feet to the left. Peo- shops and seminars on utilising your with. You went with “Happy birthday. her. The only thing she’ll do when she Probably just chose the colour scheme. ple notice. Chaos ensues... inner-douche. Hope you have a good one!! x” The sec- feels your sweaty balls pushing against Yeah hating him is easy, fun to. ond exclamation mark made you look her leg is contact the police. desperate. 9. Giving up your seat is a sign of weak- 7. That bearded guy looks shifty AND ness, cling on to it like it’s a vaguely Leo Virgo 3. “It was crowded, I touched her arse by he has a bag. What if he has a bomb erotic memory of a girl you like. accident.” You got arrested on purpose. in that bag? You’re just going to move Today, you decide to go to Thorpe Today, you get extremely bored with life down a couple of carriages aren’t you? 10. The last point was harsh? Oh come Park. You get there and realise that it’s and decide to eat your own ear. You cut 4. Your train has broken down and the Not only is it racist, it’s a really shitty on, she’s pregnant. Soon she’ll have a closed. You’re obviously disappointed it up, fry it and mix with BBQ sauce. It carriage is silent. You think cracking a thing to do to just leave everyone in baby. Making her stand up is preparing but the day is salvaged when a midget tastes like chicken. Oh wait, you’re ac- joke really loudly will make you instant- harm’s way without even vaguely trying her for the future. You’re like her per- hobo lurking at the entrance agrees to go tually just eating a chicken. Then where ly the most popular person in the car- to warn them. You’re a real John Wayne, sonal trainer. Make sure the entire train down on you for a handshake and three did your ear go? Damn, got to stop go- riage. You bet that’s just what everyone you really are. knows this logic by loudly proclaiming old train tickets... ing to Tiger Tiger. wants me to do. They don’t, shut your how it’s “for her own good” when you mouth you’re a fucking twat. 8. Wearing large expensive overhead say “fuck off” in reply to a questioning headphones is fine. If you’re listening to look from her. 5. There are ticket machines at every them. Just hanging them around you’re Libra Scorpio station. You know you’ll need to get neck for no reason as you think it “looks 11. Informing everyone who forgets to your ticket out. Why must you insist on cool” makes you a fucking tool. Oh yeah top up their oyster that you have it linked Today, you’re on a mountain top, Today, you find that you view Piccadilly leaving it till the very last second and look at me and my Justin Bieber beats. to your bank account so you never find grappling with a ferocious Space Bear Circus hot dogs in the same light as your holding us all up? Even though Justin Bieber clearly knows yourself in this situation is not a helpful and his pet Galaxy badgers. You finally ex-boyfriend. It’s definitely not good for nothing about electrical engineering and comment. Oh, and guess what, you’re overcome him and throw the whole you, it’s mainly made up of shit and it’s 6. It’s a crowded tube. You are next to probably just used them once and said having to wait for them, so you are find- posse down the side of the mountain. only the slightest bit tasty when you’re a random hot girl. Don’t rub up against “yep that’s good.” If he even did that. ing yourself in that situation. YEH! You KICK-ASS! You know why? mad drunk off your face and have got Because you like Sci-Fi. FUCK YEAH! nothing else to eat. Luca De Benedetti Sagittarius Capricorn Today, you are visited by a mysterious Today, you’re a snowflake falling apparition. It tells you to go to India. It serenely from the sky. Below the Earth tells you that you will find happiness, drifts slowly towards you. There are spirituality and eternal inner peace. kids. Happy kids. Kids who haven’t What do you do? You tell it to fuck off, brushed their teeth. One opens his of course! Fucking apparitions, what do mouth and sticks out his tongue. It’s the they know? great red unknown! NOOOOOOOOO! Aquarius Pisces Today, you’re on the bus late at night Today, you help an old man walk across alone on the top deck. It stops. Someone the road. As soon as you reach the op- comes on. You hear a strangled cry for posite side, he turns and says “You will help and then silence. It’s the Burger regret this when I’ve taken over the King man. He walks up the stairs and world”. As he hobbles off, you wonder forces you to eat both your hands... No whether you’ve doomed the planet to more delicious burgers. *Sad Panda tryanny... A cute girl walks past. MEH. 14 WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 THE DAILY FELIX

Sports Editors: Jovan Nedic David Wilson SPORT [email protected] Ice Hockey: Oxford no match for the Devils as the B Team make it a Baseball: Double clean sweep for Imperial Imperial Devils B’s 4 header opens up Oxford Women’s 1

Devils B were psychologically strong going into last Wednesday’s game against Oxford Womens’. De- new Falcons pitch spite an overall mixed season and a previous game close loss to Bristol (4-3), the Devils had reaped the ...Continued from Back Page it was the fumes which spurred on the Falcons benefi ts of match experience and knew Oxford was who reacted to the idea enthusiastically. They or the imagery. Nevertheless, showing the same a team they could and should beat. Playing on home subsequently invested money and resources to resilience that defi ned the season of comebacks turf was also signifi cant as Oxford only brought two build the baseball fi eld, that now makes use of the frozen Falcons were thawed; the Falcons lines so the Devils would have the advantage of num- formerly under used space in Harlington. played true to form in the second game against bers. The newly built fi eld is now one of the fi nest the Kings. A charge from the opening face-off threatened to in the country, and in addition to being the Hajime Urata pitched brilliantly, shutting put Oxford in the lead but was dis-allowed, only to home of the Imperial Falcons, it will also serve down the imposing Oxford line-up, holding have them follow up with another before the fi rst as the primary grounds of British University them to just one run. Several key defensive minute was up. Overconfi dence or simply not being Baseball, hosting a signifi cant majority of plays behind him by Dexuan Hong in Center prepared gave the Devils a nasty shock. Continuing Southern Division fi xtures from now on. Mick Field and First Baseman Jun (the great wall) aggressive play from Oxford saw the Devils start on Reynolds, head grounds keeper for Harlington Weng helped Hajime on the mound, which the back foot and slowly win back control of the game sports ground, delivered a ceremonial fi rst pitch gave Imperial’s bats time enough to shake off through hard-work. By the middle of the period the in the opening ceremony to offi cially open the the fi rst game and put seven runs on the board. Devils were clearly on song. Early shots on goal, no- fi eld. The games themselves were a tale of two With the split, the Falcons remain at the top tably a breakaway by Mason (Captain #52), rattled extremes, the fi rst a humbling loss where the of the Southern Division at fi ve wins and one the Oxford defence and their keeper. Shortly, top previously undefeated Falcons were simply loss. We remain in control of our destiny as we scorer Sofi e Liljegren (#23) equalised unassisted. outplayed by the Kings. Oxford dominated will retain our title if we win both our games on A few more opportunities were had, but the Devils Imperial on both pitching and hitting, handing Saturday against the Southampton Mustangs. failed to convert and ended the fi rst period tied. us an 11 run defeat. The last time the two teams met, was in a fi ve A laundry list of errors noted by bench coaches Losing the second game would have dropped all draw in the Fall Cup. Dolan and Runcorn (#28 and #36 of the A-Team) put the Falcons into second place, and left Oxford Although the season is soon coming to a the Devils in their place and it was clear all should in pole position heading into the fi nal month close, interested newcomers are still very What you talking about blurry? He’s just be working harder. The Oxford coach had clearly had of the season. But as if by “bush” magic a fi re welcome to join and are encouraged to contact moving so fast that the camera can’t focus on him... some insightful words of his own as both teams re- was seen to be ablaze in the distance, perhaps the Baseball Club - [email protected] turned to the ice playing proper hockey. Neverthe- less, a solo effort by Barakat (#11) saw the Devils pull into the lead early on. Determined play by Ox- ford saw the Devils wait 10 minutes before scoring again, this time by Walther-Büel (#87) from Barakat (#11) and Liljegren (#23). Frustrated, Oxford began Badminton: Women’s fi rst team to make some bad plays; #63 given two minutes for tripping put the Devils on Power Play. Sadly, Oxford knew what they were doing and played a tight de- make it past Oxford and into the fence, wasting time by deliberately icing the puck. Overall, the second period had been much better and 3-1 in the lead the Devils were relatively safe BUCS Semi-Finals with the freedom to hunt for more goals. Most of the errors had been eliminated and the team focused on using numbers to out-skate Oxford and make them ...Continued from Back Page tired. A long third period saw more physical play, but I inevitably made a mistake fi guring out the the Devils were shutting down the majority of Ox- required points difference which led the whole ford attacks with some notable saves by Net Minder team to believe that a very tall order of 21-5, Bale (#84). A fourth goal by Barakat (#11) kept spir- 21-4 was needed to win the match. Oxford, its high, but a dramatic incident occurred to Oxford on the other hand, just dutifully added up all when one of their players (#28) fell climbing onto the the points without any attempted arithmetic ice. Falling from waist-high boards she landed badly shortcuts and thus congratulated us after a 21- and injured her ankle – play was stopped while she 10, 21-6 win. After some initial confusion, we was helped off the ice. Oxford appeared to have fi nally realised that we had actually won (By lost their motivation and the Devils dominated the 365-350 points after 4-4 in games and 10-10 in remainder of the period. However, a tripping penalty sets) and we’re in the semi-fi nals where we will by Oxford’s #32 prevented a last minute goal and the face Bath’s second team. game ended 4-1 to the Devils. Player of the match Luckily the next round will be an away went to Goalie Gemma Bale (#84). Oxford’s injured match; I couldn’t have faced inviting Bath, player was taken to hospital for precautionary x-rays with their amazing sports village, to play at as the paramedic’s diagnosis was that nothing ap- Burlington Danes. When we arrive there later peared to be broken. on today, they might still think Imperial is Will Mason taking Badminton just as seriously as they do. At least until they realise that we love the sport APOLOGIES mainly for the cakes we have after the games. Holy crap, it looks like we managed to get by unscathed Which doesn’t mean that we won’t try our best yesterday, despite a few articles not turning up. Hope- to win. So if you want to know how we got fully we’ll be able to have them in later this week on tonight, come back tomorrow and read the report. If all goes to plan, you’ll be reading how these lovely ladies got on against Bath THE DAILY FELIX WEDNEsDAY 2nd March 2011 15

Felix Sport sponsored by SPORT In Tomorrow’s Cryptic Crossword Solutions on Friday Hockey: Varsity battle Issue... 1 2 1 2 3 5 4 5 lines drawn early 6 7 6 8 Volleyball 9 J. Ye and C. Chapman It was only 20 minutes from the end 10 11 12 Men’s Hockey when the medics were awarded a pen- As the end of the regular season IC 2s 1-1 Medicals 2s alty corner which, despite some heroics approaches, the BUCS knock out 13 14 from Goaltender, they poked it into the tournaments begin. The Women’s 15 16 17 13 18 19 A miserable day befell Harlington, but a far post and were given the fi rst goal of volleyball team have already seen bright spirit dawned upon it - a historical the game. off Nottingham and make it through 14 14 20 rivalry that stretches back many a year. When the game restarted, IC were to the Quarter Finals. Can the men The result of this fi xture would be a pre- pinned in our half for around ten min- do the same against Southampton? 21 22 You know what you have to do... cursor to the sacred Varsity match. utes - the medics’ aerial balls kept our 18 23 We rocked up in luxury executive centre backs pinned in our 23 metre coaches that even had a fridge for B. area. It was only when we were awarded 24 25 26 27 28 Man Briggs’ pasta bake and associated a short corner 5 minutes from time that Rugby refreshments. The scene was set for a the resurgence began. A mischievous 29 24 The Men’s fi rst XV were up against medic bashing. shimmy from C. Bell led to a through 30 31 32 The game started abysmally for IC ball to Goldemort who kept his compo- Reading University yesterday and with lots of errors by the entire team sure and fl icked it graciously over the our very own David Wilson will be re- 33 34 except Dirty Whaler- our retention was helpless medics keeper’s body. porting on how they got on. A tough 35 36 worse than someone with diarrhoea. The remainder of the game was a game is expected, how will the boys After a couple of short corners that tightrope walk by IC. A penetrating get on as they prepare for the JPR 37 38 went woefully wide off the hit of a cer- aerial from Dirty Whaler almost led to a Williams Cup in two weeks? Find out tain C. Bell we piled the pressure on much deserved second goal; alas it was in tomorrow’s issue the medics. Half time arrived with the not to be: thanks to the last ditch (and Across 36 Beer in a leaky barrel (3) scores poised with neither team manag- thankfully clean) tackles of Guill-I-Am 1 Man of the cloth (6) 37 Grain sounds drily humorous (3) ing to break the deadlock. and B. Man Briggs at centre back, we Varsity Hockey 4 Cry, male puppy (3) 38 Think back about George, the warrior (6) After the break IC piled on the pres- managed to keep it at 1-1. 7 Tangled snake in a bathhouse (3) sure. With some probing runs down the Today’s performance bodes well for Varsity is fast approaching and to 8 The crib in the cottage (3) Down left courtesy of G-T-G, and a good set of Varsity but IC really need to stop fi ring whet your appetite, we’re planning 9 Yeast with thorium gains depth(7) 1 Account of an upside-down bat (3) searching wide balls by Y. Bag the med- blanks - too many chances missed and on doing an interview with a few of 10 Walk shakily after lively dance (4) 2 Notion from confused aide (4) ics’ circle was constantly under attack. squandered. the captains - well the ones that get 12 One skull goes forward (5) 3 “I do pure sex” incomprehensible from back to us anyway! Tomorrow we’ve 14 Notice point (4) Greek king (10) got Imperial’s Men’s Hockey Captain 15 Slow at the beginning, with some 4 King, cloaked in mist, falls into brook (6) Ewan Quince, yes the guys whose thought, leads to laziness (4) 5 And, in a bit, the outlaw (6) face you saw in the sports pages on 18 Entice a teetotaller to take some hemp (5) 6 An army of tailess corpses (5) Monday. Read his views on grazing 20 Sprite on a donkey from the East enters a 8 Waffle crate talks a lot (10) and what their coach thinks about cul-de-sac (7) 11 My subconscious self says: odd eggnog Netball: 3s they style of play. 21 Mop bristle head at the front of the room (3) (5) 13 PEZ machine broken by the ape (10) 22 Straight-edge leader (5) 16 Unappetizing grub (5) Badminton 23 Expression in favour of an action word (7) 17 Enemy of Shadow government (10) 24 Parasite loses anger about rice (5) 19 Push journalism (5) brutalise Kings Yes, that’s right, you’ve just seen a re- 26 In that robe, seem overweight (5) 24 In the dust, Democrats in power (6) port about how the girls beat Oxford 29 Hit a target spike (4) 25 Comfort, therefore, a cord or ribbon (6) Lucinda Hazell called up for contact every fi ve seconds. in the Quarter Finals of the BUCS Tro- 30 At the beginning, we all liked to zanily 27 Even though, engage Humpty Dumpty (3) Netball At the end of the fi rst quarter IC were phy and tomorrow (I really hope we dance (5) 28 Appoint some messy, godless treacle (5) IC 3s 40-26 King’s 4s leading by two goals, due to some fan- can pull this off) you will read how the 32 Fever takes the head of a sickness (4) 31 The male deer, less than half decomposed tastic shooting by Heather and Angela, girls got on against Bath. 33 Antiquated letter (7) (4) With two players returning to the team, and great defence by goal keeper Fern. 35 At the signal, cutie loses it (3) 34 Ingest the edge of the seat (3) the 3’s were excited to be playing as a In the 2nd quarter, returning shooter Lu- full squad on Monday. The opposition cinda stepped on to the court and it was was King’s 4’s, a team who we knew like she had never left. With quick pass- from past experience we could beat, ing around the goal third by Sarah and however we also knew they would put some excellent movement by Heather, up a fi ght. Literally. the lead was increased to 11-6, a margin The match started with a King’s centre that was in no way large enough for IC pass which IC failed to over turn despite to get complacent. being given plenty of opportunity and After a rousing team talk from cap- the teams play was anything but tidy. tain Lucie and Becky’s claim that if we Once we had reminded ourselves how to didn’t win she would have to slap the play netball we overturned the next two King’s centre, we returned to the court. centres as a result of great movement The King’s captain had apparently given down the court by centre Amelia and a different talk as they returned with a WA Lucie, but it quickly became appar- slightly more literal fi ghting spirit. IC re- ent that King’s liked to play aggressive- fused to be pushed around and after Na- ly as GD Nakai had her glasses knocked kai “accidentally” smacked the ball into clean from her face by the opposing the King’s captains excuse for a face, IC captain. The rest of the King’s team were given a new lease of life, control- followed her example and the IC girls ling the rest of the game. The fi nal score were being beaten up all over the court. was 40-26 with Lucinda deservedly re- However, having decided not to retali- ceiving player of the match and IC’s 3’s ate, IC instead showed King’s how to keeping their unbeaten at home record. play netball properly and without being Let’s keep it going to Varsity WEDNESDAY 2ND MARCH SPORT Felix Sport sponsored by Badminton take on Oxford in BUCS Trophy Laura Bethke time but luckily their opposition didn’t Women’s Badminton turn up, otherwise it would have been IC 1st 4 - 4 Oxford 1st only one). All this wasn’t helped by the fact that a fan was operating in the hall This year’s BUCS Trophy has proven that was strong enough to make our hair to be a good one for Imperial’s Ladies blow in the wind. I mean really, Sport team. Imperial? After a bye in the fi rst and a win The actual match turned out to be the Baseball: Falcons and against Glamorgan in the second round, most exciting one all season. The dou- we found ourselves in the quarter fi - bles games were very close, with three nals against Oxford last Wednesday. our of four going to three sets, but un- Although it was technically a home fortunately we managed to win only one Kings even as new fi eld fi xture, somehow Badminton seems to of them. have been banished from Ethos lately As our second singles player won one and we were sent to play at Burlington out of her two matches, it was up to our Danes Academy near White City. fi rst singles to secure two wins to save We soon realised that this was not a the day. As we’d hoped, she won her fi rst is unveiled place that was very accommodating to game with ease, but after having a quick Badminton players. Two of the poles look at the score sheet it soon became G. Lam, A. Krishnan, K. Ling their purpose built baseball facility in against second place Oxford Kings. were about two inches too high for Bad- clear that another high two-set victory Baseball Harlington with a friendly visit from the Plans for the fi eld had begun last minton nets, and one court just had vol- was needed so secure a 4-4 win by point IC 1st 4 - 17 & 7 - 1 Oxford 1st neighbours, a crowd of two cow/horses. academic year, when the Baseball club leyball poles which only left two courts difference. Trying to be clever and save However, despite their long faces and fi rst held practice at Harlington. The to play on (the men’s second team was myself from adding up all the scores, On February 20 2011 the Imperial neighing, they were in for a treat with idea was put forward to Sport Imperial supposed to have a match at the same ...Continued on Page 14 College Baseball Club offi cially opened what was to be a thrilling doubleheader ...Continued on Page 14 POLITICS COMMENT FILM TRAVEL HANGMAN

Should prisoners How a patient Nick Cage loses his The regal charms of Hanging with my be allowed to vote? suprised a medic: sh*t in Drive Angry New Zealand bros Einstein and Page 5 Page 6 3D: Page 8 Page 10 Bohr: Page 13