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Narratives of Daughter-In- Law's Gendered Identity, Home, Marriage, and Migration

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Narratives of Daughter-In- Law's Gendered Identity, Home, Marriage, and Migration CAN A DAUGHTER-IN-LAW BECOME A DAUGHTER?: NARRATIVES OF DAUGHTER-IN- LAW’S GENDERED IDENTITY, HOME, MARRIAGE, AND MIGRATION by RICHA SHAKYA B.A., KATHMANDU UNIVERSITY, 2009 M.A., KATHMANDU UNIVERSITY, 2011 A thesis submitted to the Faculty of the Graduate School of the University of Colorado in partial fulfillment of the requirement for the degree of Master of Arts Department of Geography 2019 i This thesis entitled: Can a daughter-in-law become a daughter?: Narratives of daughter-in-law’s gendered identity, home, marriage, and migration written by Richa Shakya has been approved for the Department of Geography ________________________________________ (Dr. Jennifer L. Fluri) ________________________________________ (Dr. Yaffa Truelove) ________________________________________ (Dr. Deepti Misri) Date: ___________________ The final copy of this thesis has been examined by the signatories, and we find that both the content and the form meet acceptable presentation standards of scholarly work in the above-mentioned discipline. IRB protocol #: 17-0724 ii Richa Shakya (M.A., Geography, University of Colorado Boulder) Can a daughter-in-law become a daughter? Narratives of daughter-in-law’s gendered identity, home, marriage, and migration Thesis directed by Associate Professor of Geography Dr. Jennifer L. Fluri Women are embodiment of home but they long for home their entire lives. They are not supposed to feel at home at their natal home because patriarchy requires them to get married and settle in their marital home. Due to this dislocation, women find themselves in-between two homes where they do not belong anymore. Married Nepali women living in the USA and in Nepal have created virtual homes in their own terms on the basis of memories, emotion and communication technology. Marriage – and women’s movement along with her loyalty and labor - as a form of migration is made invisible in the name of fate. Movement from one location to another brings changes in identity, home, and position. At these locations, women are constantly negotiating and resisting patriarchy to claim their agency. Through a qualitative research design, this research manifests marriage as a form of migration for Nepali married women. Their lived experiences of marriage migration unpack reasons why patriarchal values compel a daughter to become a daughter-in- law but do not acknowledge a daughter-in-law as a daughter. iii To all the daughters-in-laws iv ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I would like to express my thankfulness to the Department of Geography for a wonderful opportunity to pursue my Master’s degree. Jen, I would not have reached here today without you and your dedication, guidance, and motivation. You made me feel graduate school was something that I could do, and I did it. Working with you has been a pleasure. After every meeting, all my worries and confusion were replaced with a big bright smile. I will surely miss cardamom tea and Danger. Thank you for believing in me. I thank Professor Deepti Misri and Professor Yaffa Truelove for being a part of my research and for providing different concepts and approaches to further extend my work. I take this opportunity to go down memory lane and thank all my friends who have supported me: Emma Hines, Dorje Tashi, Phurwa Dhondup, Tracy Fehr, Marielle Butters, and Shruthi Jagadeesh. You all have a special place in my heart. Graduate school would not have been possible without you. Thank you for being a phone call or a text message away. rupak, thank you for being my friend, husband, critic, and mentor who has helped me be the improved version of myself that I am today. Karen, Leslie and Darla, where do I even begin to thank you. You had answers to all my questions. Thank you for your guidance. You three can run the world! To my parents who gave away their daughter at marriage and then had to bear the long distance between her, thank you for your unconditional love and encouragement. v CONTENTS 1. INTRODUCTION ..................................................................................................... 1 a. Research Method ......................................................................................... 3 i) Participant Selection ....................................................................... 3 ii) Data Collection Technique .............................................................. 6 iii) Transcribing .................................................................................... 6 iv) Codebook ........................................................................................ 8 v) Coding ............................................................................................. 9 vi) Theory and Argument ................................................................... 10 CHAPTER 1: 1. Maiti (Mother’s home) ...................................................................................... 15 a. Migration and Gender .......................................................................... 18 b. Mobility and Migration ........................................................................ 22 c. Transnationalism/Translocal Migration ............................................... 23 d. Mobility and Marriage ......................................................................... 26 e. Migration Experience After Marriage .................................................. 29 f. Narratives of Dislocation ..................................................................... 29 g. Chapter Conclusion .............................................................................. 42 CHAPTER 2: 2. Patriarchy and Negotiation ............................................................................... 44 a. Patriarchy and Intersectionality ........................................................... 46 b. Hegemony ............................................................................................ 49 c. Patriarchy: Power and Cultural Hegemony .......................................... 50 d. Agency ................................................................................................ 52 e. Patriarchal Society Among Women in Nepal ..................................... 54 f. Married Women, Patriarchal Society, and Negotiation Strategies ....... 56 g. Negotiation Strategies of Married Nepali Women ............................... 59 h. Chapter Conclusion .............................................................................. 65 CHAPTER 3: 3. Ghar (Home) .................................................................................................... 67 a. Ghar (Home) ........................................................................................ 68 b. Home as A Gendered Place.................................................................. 70 c. Culture and Home ............................................................................... 71 d. Division of Labor ................................................................................ 74 e. Violence .............................................................................................. 75 f. Virtual Homes ...................................................................................... 75 g. Home as a Relational Place ................................................................. 79 h. Narratives of Home .............................................................................. 86 i. Fluid Homes ......................................................................................... 97 j. Chapter conclusion ............................................................................ 107 vi CONCLUSION ........................................................................................................... 109 a) Intellectual Merits ...................................................................... 111 b) Future Research ......................................................................... 111 REFERENCES………………………………………………………………………..113 APPENDIX…... ........................................................................................................... 118 Appendix A: Institutional Review Board Approval letter ............................. 118 Appendix B: Interview questions in English................................................... 119 Appendix C: Consent form in English ............................................................ 125 vii TABLES Table 1: List of respondents in the USA……………………………………………….……..….5 Table 2: List of respondents in Nepal……………………………………………………………..5 FIGURES Figure 1: Artwork by Nepali artist Sheelasha Rajbhandari on marriage and migration…….…..17 Figure 2: Cartoon strip about diverse cultural perspective………………………………….…...53 Figure 3: Artwork by Nepali Artist Bunu Dhungana about gender and identity………………..88 viii INTRODUCTION Home, identity, and belonging are ideas that are hard to explain but easy to feel. I remember my school days when I had to wear a white uniform on alternate days for extra activities classes - white skirt, white shirt, white socks, and white shoes. I took music classes where we had to take off our shoes to enter the rehearsal room. Everybody, including me, had white shoes staring back at us when the class was over, and it was time to go home. Every shoe looked the same. It was always confusing to figure out which pair was mine. However, when I put my feet in the correct shoes, I knew that they belonged to me. When I slipped into the right shoes, it took the shape it belonged to, making me feel comfortable and confident
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