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Solidarity and Politeness Managing Your Relationships Through Language It’S Hard to Say ‘I’M Sorry’

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Solidarity and Politeness Managing Your Relationships Through Language It’S Hard to Say ‘I’M Sorry’ Solidarity and politeness Managing your relationships through language It’s Hard to Say ‘I’m Sorry’ Sorry: on the line between regret and fault - Saying I’m sorry at a funeral does not mean taking responsibility for the death. - Avoiding to say it when it might be taken as admission of fault. Reluctance to apologize: - Saying I guess I wasn’t much help (…) instead. - Admitting fault weakens our position. I’m sorry, ok? - Ok cancels out the apology. We always balance showing concern for others while avoiding being placed in a one-down position in our relations with other people. (Tannen, Deborah 2001. I Only Say This Because I Love You. Random House.) Expressing solidarity and politeness Terms of address Jim, Dr. Smith, sweetie, hey you… Deixis you; Sp. tu vs. usted Politeness markers Japanese hanasu vs. hanashimasu ‘speak’ Speech levels Javanese mangan vs. neḍa ‘eat’ Style shifting The airport! vs. Would you mind taking me to the airport? Deixis: The T/V distinction When a language has two distinct words for you, an intimate one and a polite one (French tu/vous): Spanish: T: Tu estás loco. ‘You are crazy.’ V: Usted está loco. German: T: Magst du Rindfleisch? ‘Do you like veal?’ V: Mögen Sie Rindfleisch? English: T: Thou shalt not kill. V: You shall not kill. T/V usage is person-bound, not situation-based. T/V distinction: Usage Symmetrical usage T – T: Intimacy, solidarity, informal, rural siblings, friends, children, students, laborers, socialists V – V: Polite, distance, formal strangers, office co-workers Asymmetrical usage T – V: subordinate to superior V – T: superior to subordinate (encodes power) Change in usage V → T: Become friends, family, intimate, etc. T → V: Former friends; friends in a business meeting T/V to express your purpose Calling someone tu (T) who should normally be called vous (V): Power play, bullying. Calling someone vous (V) who should normally be called tu (T): Creating social distance. Calling everyone tu (T) as a sign of regional solidarity. T/V (thou/you) in English Forms: thou, thee, thy, thine (cf. I, me , my, mine) Thou forms disappearing over 500 years ago, rare by 1650. Reason unclear. Process (Dick Leith 1997): 13th c.: beginning to use you as a respectful singular. (French influence!) You quickly became upper-class way of addressing an equal. 16th c.: Upper class used thou only to address obvious inferiors. Copied by the middle class. Thou lingered among rural/working class people (and became a badge of solidarity.) Thou forms still used in Northern England (Yorkshire, …) today. (personal knowledge of Alan Firth, [email protected], Linguistlist Vol-7-599, Tue Apr 23 1996) Similar distinctions In Mandarin, both 您 nín and 你 nǐ mean ‘you.’ 您 is the honorific of 你. It is usually used to address people who are more senior than you in rank or age. 您 is composed of 你 plus the radical 心 ‘heart’: 你 心 Kinship terms as deictic terms How to say you in Vietnamese: Ông: grandfather, used as a term of respect for a man senior to the speaker and who is late middle age or older Bà: grandmother, used as a term of respect for a (usually married) woman senior to the speaker and who is late middle age or older Bá: parent's older sister, used to address a woman slightly older than one's parents or wife of father's older brother or wife of mother's older brother. Bác: parent's older brother or sister, used to address a man/woman slightly older than one's parents or husband of father's older sister or husband of mother's older sister. Cô: father's sister, used to address a younger woman or a woman as old as one's father; also used to address a female teacher regardless of relative age Cậu: mother's brother, used to address a younger man or a man as old as one's mother Dì: mother's sister, used to address a younger woman or a woman as old as one's mother; also used to address one's stepmother Chú: father's younger brother, used to address a man slightly younger than one's father or husband of father's younger sister. Thím: wife of father's younger brother. Mợ: wife of mother's younger brother. Dượng: husband of father's older sister; also used to address one's stepfather Anh: older brother, for a slightly older man, or for the man in a romantic relationship. (S) Chị: older sister, for a slightly older woman. (S) Em: younger sibling, for a slightly younger person, or for the woman in a romantic relationship. (S) Bố/Ba/Cha: father Mẹ/Má/Mợ: mother Con: child; also used in some regions to address a person as old as one's child Cháu: nephew/niece, grandson/granddaughter; used to address a young person of around such relative age Kinship terms as deictic terms: Vietnamese To say I love you in Vietnamese, one can use one of many translations: ◦ Anh yêu em. (male to female lover) ◦ Em yêu anh. (female to male lover) ◦ Mẹ yêu con. (mother to child) ◦ Con yêu mẹ. (child to mother) etc. Address Terms Title [Sir, Ms., Colonel, Waiter] First name [Mary, Zeke] Last name [Smith, Jones] Nickname [Joey, doc, Bubbles, honey] Combinations [Mr. Smith, Ms. Jones, Dr. Garcia] [John Maynard Smith] Using address terms to express the same social distinctions as T/V in other languages (Formality, politeness, intimacy, solidarity) (Reciprocal vs. non-reciprocal use) Names Naming practices Javanese: Taking a new name at important life events (marriage, new job, recovering from illness, …) Nuer: Birth name, personal name, clan name, ox name U.S.: First names required at work (even with people you don’t like) Deictic use of names Indonesian: Hassan ada waktu, nggak? Hassan exist time no ‘Do you (Hassan) have time?’ Calls for first names on Iceland's football shirts BBC News, 23 February 2016 Scholars in Iceland have called on the country's football federation to reverse its decision to print footballers' last names on the national squad's shirts. The government-run Icelandic Language Institution says the move contradicts Iceland's culture, which gives little importance to second names, and violates the country's language law. It wants players' first names printed on the back of their shirts instead, saying that's how Icelanders have been identified since humans first settled there, the Morgunbladid website reports. Unusually, the Icelandic naming system does not rely on family names handed down from generation to generation. Instead, an Icelander's second name is usually based on their father's first name, with "-sson" or "-dottir" added at the end. That makes people's first names the most important identifier; even telephone directories in Iceland consist of alphabetised first names, with occupations added to avoid confusion. Iceland Magazine agrees with the academics that the decision makes little sense, because "Icelanders traditionally do not have last names in the same sense most other Europeans do." http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-35641031 Politeness marking Lexicon English: lawyer – attorney Javanese speech levels Grammar Japanese verb suffix -masu, -mashita (Taroo kita vs. Taroo kimashita ‘Taroo came.’) Pragmatics Take me to the airport. (Right away!) Could you take me to the airport? (??Right away!) Would you mind taking me to the airport? Would you be so kind as to take me to the airport? Javanese speech levels Definition: Parallel strata in the vocabulary with synonymous forms indicating social status. Javanese (J): 3 levels krama (talking up) madya (hedging) ngoko (talking down) First described by Stamford Raffles (1817) Speech level example (Geertz 1960: 249) Krama: Menapa sampéjan badé neḍa sekul lan kaspé samenika? Madya: Napa sampéjan adjeng neḍa sekul lan kaspé saniki? Ngoko: Apa kowé arep mangan sega lan kaspé saiki? Q you FUT eat rice and cassava now ‘Are you going to eat rice and cassava now?’ Honorifics (krama inggil) and humbling words (krama anḍap) can be added to any level. e.g. pandjenengan ‘you’; ḍahar ‘eat’; kalijan ‘and’ Cobi dipun-unjuk malih. please (k) PASS(k)-drink (ki) more (k) ‘Please drink some more.’ Speech levels in other languages Speech levels are often thought of as being unique to Javanese but are in fact widely attested in Austronesian (Lynch 1998, Grimes & Maryott 1994): - Around Java (Balinese, Sundanese, Madurese) - Chiefly societies of Polynesia (Tongan, Samoan, Wallis and Futuna) - Eastern Indonesia (Sangir, Ternatan, Te t u n ) Offensive language (Rated NC-17) Sometimes we choose to not be polite. Languages provide words for that purpose as well. Chen, Rong. 1999. How Southern Californians Talk Dirty. Southwest Journal of Linguistics 18:1, 69-81. Taboo avoidance Taboo words may be so strong, people will go to great lengths to avoid them, even falsifying quotes, even in science textbooks: Taboo and euphemism Expressions that may cause offense and therefore should be avoided. Borrowed from Tongan by Captain James Cook, 1777 Euphemisms to avoid taboo words going to the bathroom, pass away, slept with her, oh my gosh, darn, BS, N-word She bravely fought but sadly lost her battle. Taboo sources: English: Arabic: Sex Females Death Illness Religion Unclean places and objects, animals Bodily functions The evil eye Zuni takka ‘frog’ Euphemism: They sit around the pond and croak. Offensive language for effect 1 Tell anyone in Orange County that you're from Santa Ana, and you only get two reactions. The most common one by far is a facial expression—a smirk, a retch, a laugh, a twitch, something—that's then followed by a litany of the city's sins.
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