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Issue 946- Weekly Thursday 29 October 1998 Board-X snowboard Do You Know and skate festival

he main purpose of the festival is to inform the Your Rights? Tpublic of one of Britain’s most rapidly growing sports, which has turned into a trendy urban lifestyle. Board- tudent hardship and debt is now part of the X is the only event that gives everyday life for hundreds of thousands of the public an insight into the Sstudents throughout the UK. The introduc- real world of the snow/ skate tion of tuition fees and the new funding arrange- scene. Inside the 3500m hall, ments are set to make this worse. NUS is fighting the UK’s leading distributors for a system of funding that gives students enough and retailers will show all the money to live on whilst they study, without the need new technical gear and street to resort to low paid and degrading jobs, and with fashion for the 98/99 season the support to take part fully in college life. Put the technical Advice Centre simply, the Government must provide more will offer free board service resources to students. NUS has called for students and Snowboard UK magazine will be hosting seminars for snowboard enthusi- to join in the fight against hardship. asts. Snow and skate videos will run all day in the video lounge or you can go Friday 30th October will see the launch of and play on the newest games in the Playstation games hall. the Student Rights Charter through a National Day Outside there will be a heavy snow fall with an awesome 60m real snow of Action. freestyle ramp where you can see some of the worlds top riders competing and Colleges throughout the UK are participating in the Day by encouraging as many people as possible to a smaller 25m polar slope where Joe public can experience that real snow feel- demonstrate their support by signing up to the charter. The charter amongst other things sets out the belief that all students should have the right to: Free tuition paid by the state Study free from hardship Decent, affordable accommodation Learning Resources at no extra cost Complaint and appeal procedures Study without discrimination or prejudice Extra-curricular facilities Childcare provision A decent wage for safe part time work Teaching and support from motivated and well resourced staff Information on all course requirements prior to entry In opposition the Labour Party labelled levels of Part time students have also been left without ade- student poverty in this country ‘a badge of shame’. quate support for far too long. The Government NUS agreed with the Labour Party then and has has extended access funds to include part time stu- not changed its opinion. Unfortunately the new dents but the amount of money available is simply ing. For the skaters out there, there will be an outside vert ramp and an indoor arrangements for students have brought in very lit- not adequate. quarter pipe. tle new money to tackle student hardship. NUS is Radio 1 will be broadcasting live from the event with some of London’s top calling on the Government to act urgently to alle- For details about your rights and the NUS cam- DJ’s spinning some phat tunes so in all it should be a stormin’ day out. viate a problem which is now having a hugely paign access our Students Rights Charter web page The festival runs from the 13-15 of November and costs £9 on the gate but if detrimental effect on the well-being of students on www.surrey.ac.uk/union/SRC. On the day of you want some freebies then complete this sentence: throughout the country. Action itself there will be copies of the charter and I want the free tickets to Board-X or else Student Rights information available in the I’ll……………………………. The voice of the students must be heard. Students Students’ Union. . You will be able to sign up to The six most imaginative answers get the tickets. simply do not have enough money to live on and it the charter throughout the day in the Union recep- For further details contact Haggis at ch61ah or via Barefacts, entries must be in is because of this acute financial difficulty that so tion. The day of action offers students the chance to by 12:00 on Monday with contact name and address to claim your tickets. many students work long hours into the night to highlight and support the need for action on student Email [email protected] or drop your entries into the Barefacts Office. the detriment of their studies. hardship. Sign up and grab this opportunity. News 2 n Union 3 n Feature 4 n Music 5 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Reviews 8 n Notices & Personals & Crossword 9 n Features 10 n Surrey Pride 12 STUDENT COUNCIL - Thursday 5 November - watch out for details ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:33 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Thursday 29th October1998 Letter Apology News in Brief

Dear Editor, As News Editor I believe in responsible journalism. As such Noel Gallagher: “Drugs Are Too Boring” To make a change from the usual moaning letters and in response I would like to voluntarily apologise for a News In Brief arti- to your last editorial, mentioning sabbatical elections I'd like to say cle in Barefacts issue 941. I reported on the death of the 100m Noel Gallagher of Oasis had decided to give up taking drugs. The 31 the following. women's world record holder Florence Griffiths. Her career year old brother of fellow singer Liam has said that “drugs are too This year is going brilliantly. I take my metaphorical hat off to all ended amid allegations of drug taking. Her subsequent death boring for me now, I’ve calmed down now. I’ve kicked it on the the sabbaticals and union officers. There seems to be a real atmos- was said to be from a heart attack. It may have been inferred head.” phere of enthusiasm, dedication and sheer hard work, among that this was drug related. However it has since been found Noel has previously caused outrage when he claimed that drug abuse everyone involved with the union and all its sports and societies. that in fact it was due to a brain disorder. is so common that it’s like having a cup of tea. He also proclaimed his The most obvious display of this must be the invention of "The I apologise for any false impressions given. I would point out London home to be “Supernova Heights”, a reference to his cocaine Surrey Pride". It is making everyone feel good (even non sporting however, that given our limited resources at Barefacts we do snorting. people such as myself) and motivating clubs to try and achieve rely heavily on news agencies for our stories. Our mistake In an interview with New Musical Express Noel admitted that living more for the good of one and all. was therefore the result of poor information and was repeat- in London was “unbearable” for him and his wife Meg. “We’ve been I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all those in the union ed through out the media at the time. burgled twice, we nearly got cleaned out one day. We’ve had the win- who have helped a fledgling, inexperienced committee rejuvenate dows put in.” he explained. Nightline this year. I hope this year Nightline can deliver for you Meanwhile Liam Gallagher is planning to get back together with his and for the callers. Poems wife Patsy Kensit. Liam has promised to stop his habit of bingeing on It's not often that these people receive public thanks and so I con- alcohol. gratulate those who have touched my union life so far: Harriet A Jewel in my bed Oasis release their new album of B sides next month. The title is Sims-President, Gill Venables-Student Affairs, Louise Tinker- I had a jewel in my bed “Masterplan.” Liaison, Alex Langley-Sports, Tom Sherwen-Communications, all glistening clean, Ewen Ferguson-Internal Affairs, Justin Beavis-Treasurer, Dave 14 Killed by storms Hamilton-Webmaster, the entire Barefacts team and the senior and just for a fortnight I was it & it was me. Nightline volunteers. You and the rest of the Union staff/soci- I fussed and awed at the beauty it possessed, Britain spent the early part of this week recovering from the battering eties/clubs are doing great jobs-a lot of it behind the scenes. I can it purred and crawled like a cat in my nest. of autumn storms. Several days of biting winds and torrential rain only hope that if and when I ever join your ranks that I can do as caused flooding and atrocious driving conditions all over the UK. Up to 14 died as a result of last weekends appaling weather. The damage well. Tom your job is certainly safe for now! Thank you all once I had a jewel in my bed again caused is expected to cost around £400 million. all foreign and new, The flooding in South Wales was the worst for 20 years. Police found Yours sincerely James Buller it made me feel rich for a while - it was true. (Now, just how many front pages is that worth Tom?!) a mans body, 25 miles from where he was initially swept away by the river Rhondda. I had a jewel in my bed but time does tease, Two experienced canoeists died in separate incidents as they braved Ticket News for the “All Clubs” for I was the bed and you the jewel all of these. the torrents of swollen rivers. 12 motorists were killed in various acci- Kwabena dents believed have been caused by the awful weather. Ball to be held 13-11-98 Police in Birmingham and Herefordshire are still searching for two This year November boasts a “Friday the 13th” so if you are feeling men who disappeared in to the murky depths of the river Rae and Wye lucky, why not spend the evening eating, drinking and dancing at the October Fair respectively. “All Clubs” Ball. We promise that all pertinent superstitious rituals Was there ever a sky that shined so blue? At Southampton Airport, 100 passengers escaped shaken but unin- will be attempted with the greatest enthusiasm ensuring a safe and September long gone, the summer so new. jured when an plane careered of the runway as a result of strong cross enjoyable time is had by all, (fingers crossed!). Listen to the screams,machines that thrill, winds. Prime Minister Tony Blair expressed “deep sympathy” to those who spinning round and round to the tune. After a sparkling wine reception at Chancellors that starts at 6:00 had lost relatives to the storms. Several areas remained on flood alert pm, you will be whisked away by coach to the Burford Bridge Dare me to ride those magical lights, this week as the weather slowly began to improve. Hotel to enjoy a three-course dinner complemented by the melodic of October Fair. and relaxing background music played by a duo of traditional South Thatcher Stubbed Out By Cigarette Firm American Andes musicians. After a three course dinner, a disco is Break from the crowd,too much to drink, to be held where you will be able to dance in to the small hours of steal a quick kiss,from the lips so pink. Former prime minister Lady Margaret Thatcher lost her £500,00 a year job with a tobacco company. the morning banishing yet another “Friday the 13th” in to history. Glass shatters in the window to my world. Transport back to campus will be provided leaving at 1:15 am. Falling tears as I beg,beg to be free. Advisor to Philip Morris was Thatcher’s best paid, post government Holding her tight,running away, position. The Thatcher Foundation however claimed she had resigned To participate in this prestigious black tie event costs only £35. from October Fair. Tickets will be available from the foyer in the Union, Monday to before she was fired. The move signifies how out-moded Thatcher’s Friday from 28th October (Wednesday week 8) between 12 and 2 beliefs are. Recently she suggested that single mothers and their chil- pm. For further information send an email to Max at or page Alice Fires inside,but it’s cold out here, dren be sent to religious institutions on 04325 531 813 and leave your phone number and inquiry. never so close,never so clear. Look forward to seeing you there!! The world spins and dies on that wasteland, Victory for Part-Time students!! Martyn Shenton and Max Lovell-Hoare Like a knife that twists and bleeds you dry. After many years of being denied Union membership, several thou- Was there ever a sky, that shined so blue sand part-timers are now full members of their students’ union. on October Fair? That means access to clubs and societies, voting rights at Student Council, eligibility for election and all the benefits of representation Never again, Was the sky so blue, which has been sadly lacking in recent years. So welcome to our on October Fair. part-time students - I hope you will drop by the Union from time to time and have a beer, join a society, sports club and read Bare Facts! The Union is dying to meet new students, so pop in and say hello! Kelsey

Getting Greener by Caroline Hamer

Arts Editor Daniel Jones rriving in Surrey University last All you need is three boxes, these should the recycling point. Boxes will be avail- month I was surprised to see how preferably be labelled as “Glass”, able from the Pizza Plus outlet on Alittle recycling takes place and “Paper” and “Cans”. The boxes can then Monday until Friday from 9am until how little emphasis is generally put on be left in the kitchen to be filled, and all 5pm. This will be unsupervised, so please green living. My last accommodation had you have to do take contents to any of the go in and help yourself. ([email protected]) developed a simple, yet effective way of many recycling points in Guildford, or recycling. I would like to share this with those on campus outside the Student Anyone like-minded wishing to get you in order to increase the amount of Union and in the Park and Ride car park. involved can connect me via Marcus recycling which goes on around campus. Mayers, through the External Affairs I would recommend taking turns with pigeon hole in the union. It is actually very easy to get recycling. your house mates to drop the stuff off at ENVIRONMENTAL CLEAN-UP SATURDAY 31ST OCT & SUNDAY 1ST NOV FOR MORE DETAILS CONTACT CAROLINE HAMER VIA. THE EXTERNAL AFFAIRS PIGEON HOLE ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:33 Page 3 (1,1)

Thursday 29th October1998 Union 3 Letters - Apathy Kicks Back APATHY RULES… ment in the middle of their courses, and the doing in our names and on our behalf? Dear Editor problems are double in a department, sorry, Basically, we’re all so cynical here that if In the last issue of barefacts Mr Andrew Thomas (music editor) WHO CARES? “school”, like LIS where we are in you actually bothered to read this last para- wrote his editorial debut about apathy of the students concerning by Jo Keech Guildford for two autumn semesters but graph you probably answered “who cares?” music. I must agree with him that this general feeling towards spend the remainder of the year in both the to most of the questions. music is predominately true but there is a small percentage of peo- totally agree with the sentiments second and third year in various different ple out there trying to get the university to wake up!, as you put it. expressed in Nick Walsh’s article in last countries. But, I suppose, if we were truly Personally, I blame Margaret Thatcher. And NO WAVE is one of them. Even though he mentioned that Iweek’s “Bare Facts”. I was a fairly motivated, we would’ve got involved any- Now there’s a phrase that could have come this feeling has carried to a member of No Wave, which it hasn’t. politically active person before I came to way. out of an article written ten years ago. Students might be aware that this year No Wave is increasing its university: I belonged to Amnesty, support- We’re the Thatcher’s Children generation, effort, so that students have a wider range of music to listen to and ed various “worthy causes”, and tried to get The problem with apathy is its so catching. brought up during the eighties when there the chance to get actively involved in the society. So far this has involved in grass-roots politics. So why If I write something, who’d read it? If I was no real opposition to what the govern- been a great success, we’ve had more people turning up to meet- have I done so little since coming to organised some kind of political debating ment said and did, and the cynical, apathet- ings and getting involved in running the society as well as bring- Surrey? I can’t be the only person that has society, who’d go? (Contact me via Bare ic accepting attitude that was created in the ing fresh new ideas. promised themselves each year that they Facts if you’d be interested). After three country has rubbed off on us. Her influence would get involved in the Union, in run- years(ish) here, I’m still looking for the is even there in the structure of our degrees: At our last night in the Helyn Rose bar we had lots of people down ning a student political party or even try mass demonstrations and rebellion that stu- we feel we should do something “useful” there dancing, and basically having a whale of a time. Which we and write something for Bare Facts, but I dents are stereotyped as participating in. like marketing, or “vocational” like engi- hope continues at our next No Wave night, on the Friday 30th never did it, and nor, by all accounts, has How many people here boycott Nestlé over neering rather than a “useless” subject like October in the Helyn Rose bar, where we will playing a variety of anyone else. Partly this is because of the the baby milk issue? Who went to the History or English Literature. Basically music from grunge to indie and hip hop to big beat. structure of the degree courses here: there’s tuition fees demonstrations? Who’s the post-Thatcherite England is not interested And it is not just No Wave trying to wake up this uni, other soci- a lack of continuity if nearly all of the stu- current Union President and what is s/he in education, only in training, training us to eties like Phat Vibes, Afro Carribean, GCR and many more are dents here have a year’s industrial place- be something rather than to develop our doing exactly the same thing in their own way. So watch this minds and let us think for ourselves. So space. No Wave Chairman maybe we’ve all made the “sensible” deci- sion to play the system in our market- To the Editor, based country, where we have relatively In response to your Music Editors ‘little thought’ from last few legally-protected social rights and weeks Bare Facts, I would like to make a couple of points. until recently did not even have a basic Firstly although I agree with the opinion held by certain minimum wage. Keep our heads down, don’t make a fuss, follow the herd and just members of your editorial board that students here are gen- maybe we’ll pass our exams and get erally apathetic, I do not agree with the sentiments held by decent jobs: but we should ask ourselves if these same people that we should be out protesting every this is really the mantra that we want to weekend to change the world. Believe it or not we do not live by. live in an oppressed society (comparatively speaking). mass civil unrest because XFM decides to change it’s music So what’s the antidote? Getting “a cause” would seem a little excessive wouldn’t it? is a possibility. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the environment, homelessness, Secondly although of course people should have the right human rights or the joys of macramé- take an interest… anything to stop yourself to protest for what they believe in (just as students have the becoming a corporate clone concentrating right to stay in bed all day), I do not believe (and this is just solely on yourself and how to get more my opinion) that protesting against XFM changing is the money. Ask yourself: is that really who I most profitable way to spend a day. This is the point I was want to be? trying to make while talking to your music editor last week. But maybe I’m underestimating you. So summing up, please stop slagging off students at our Maybe you all intend to play along for a University just because they want to get a degree or have a bit and change the world from within the good time. Laurence Jones system. I certainly hope so. CHARTER BALL UPDATE The Charter Ball Committee is proud to FRIDAY 6TH NOVEMBER AT 4PM IN Entertainment: announce the preliminary results of the sur- THE GRANT MITCHELL ROOM. (apolo- All respondents want a DJ rather than a Jazz/Casino: vey run in Bare Facts for the past few gies for incomplete details last week!) band as entertainment (Yes, we were sur- 86% want a Jazz band and a casino to be weeks. You’ve certainly come up with some prised!) part of the ball interesting suggestions! We have decided to At the moment: 14% don’t want it publish the results so far, so that if you real- EVERYBODY WANTS A BALL, WHICH Meal: ly care about the Ball, or disagree with any IS GREAT NEWS!! 43% want to go to the charter ball meal We’re already making plans based on these of the results so far, then you can fill in the before the ball results, so if you reply, you’re going to get survey again (see below). Don’t forget that Venue: 57% don’t want a meal what you want. SO DO IT!!! Fill in the we’ll be giving away some prizes for people The vast majority of people want the Ball to questionnaire below and return to Cathy at who do fill in the surveys. be held in the Union, rather than the Hall. Chancellor’s: the Union reception, or into the Bare Facts Just to fill you in, this does mean that the 43% think Chancellor’s should be for the Box out of hours. And good luck winning a If you’re interested in getting involved with Union will be closed for at least 2 days, sole use of those attending the Ball prize! planning the Charter Ball this year, then prior to the event, for decoration, etc., and 57% want to see Chancellor’s open for gen- come along to the next committee meeting, there won’t be a Friday Night Out. eral drinking until 10:30pm The Charter Ball is an annual event, cele- Do you want a Charter Ball? What main entertainment act would you Do you want a casino and jazz band brating the University Charter - when prefer to see? during the evening? Surrey became a University rather than a Please tick: Yes No technical college, in 1966. It also coincides Please tick: Top-name DJ Band Please tick: Yes No with the election of the new sabbatical offi- If no, please complete details at the bottom cers and is a big celebration of the Union. of this questionnaire and do not answer the Any other suggestions The event is a traditional ball - everyone remaining questions Do you want to be able to attend the gets dressed up and parties until late, but we Other event (please specify) Charter Ball meal before the Ball? ...... need your help! The Charter Ball ‘99 com- mittee are currently devising the greatest ...... Please tick: Yes No ...... Charter Ball ever. Please fill in this ques- tionnaire to help us provide exactly what ...... YOU want. Please fill in the questionnaire ...... If the Ball was in the Union complex, do below, tear out the slip and hand it in to you think Chancellor’s should be open to Name: ...... Cathy at reception or put in the Bare Facts all students - even those not attending the box, out of hours. All completed question- Do you think the Ball should be in the Ball - until 10:30pm, for meeting friends Department: ...... naires will be collected and two winners University hall or in the Union building? and general drinking? drawn from a hat, both of whom will win Email/Phone: free Christmas Party tickets. Good Luck! Please tick: Hall Union Please tick: Yes No ...... Thank you for your time. ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:33 Page 4 (1,1)

4 Features Thursday 29th October1998

Dr Russ cent, the mentally ill or retarded, juve- risk their form of constitutional niles, victims of racial prejudice and democracy and fair trial becoming a Dear Russ corrupted justice. Kendall gave an laughing stock. example of the United States version Do you think it’s worth doing a postgraduate degree? of Justice for All. “A Texas court ruled Following Lifelines AGM, a raffle, in that a lawyer’s failure to stay awake which I won a nice bottle of wine, and Dear Ingrid, during his client’s case did not affect the committee elections the conference the outcome of the trial. Another moved on to discussing individual I’m going to throw the ball back into your court and ask ‘do lawyer slept through his client’s case, cases. The sombre tales of the mem- you think it’s worth it?’ In other words, why has it come claiming that it was boring. The Judge bers recalling their last moments with into your mind in the first place? For example, you may be said “ The Constitution doesn’t say the their penfriends was both moving and n Saturday morning, whilst attracted by the prospect of remaining a student. Or maybe lawyer has to be awake.”.” worrying. I found it hard to be tearful feeling the effects of an excel- you think it would give you a breathing space before decid- over the loss of someone I did not lent night out in Soho, I attend- ing which career to follow. Perhaps you’re thinking it O Kendall spoke of how he feared things know and who may have committed ed the very sobering Lifelines confer- might improve your employment prospects, or, that you would get worse before they got better. unspeakable crimes. What I did grieve ence held at ULU near Euston. ought to stay on simply because, after all, doesn’t everyone The US has recently encountered pres- for was the waste and ultimate loss of Lifelines offers support and friendship stay on who gets a good degree?! sure from EU companies and the a young life. I was saddened by the through letter writing to prisoners on European Union itself, threatening to misery an execution could bring to Americas Death Rows. My sister has Only you can answer some of these questions. What I will operate only in states that have reject- friends and family. I was appaled at been writing to a death row inmate for try to do is to give you some idea of the implications for ed the death penalty. Residents of the standard treatment of prisoners in almost a year and it is obvious that it is your career if you take certain courses of action. The first some states will soon realise the cost their last few hours, involving not only her pen-friend who has bene- piece of advice I can give you is to suggest that you think and implications of loosing out on rehearsals of the execution and on sev- fited. As a staunch opponent of the about what career you’d like to follow and then work back- much needed injections of capital. eral occasions repeated botches of the death penalty and yet having often wards. For some careers it’s helpful to have a postgraduate International pressure is also being execution itself. stumbled when questioned on the sub- qualification, for others it’s not. applied following two highly publi- ject I went along to learn, listen and per- cised executions. Karla Faye Tucker, The most impressive part of the confer- haps even to get involved. ence for me was the speech by the For example, if you see yourself in a long term research whose character had changed drastical- Amnesty International rep. who spoke career, then a PhD is a tremendous asset since it confirms ly while she was in prison, was the first The conference started with a summary so positively about “when and not if your ability to carry out effective research. It also means woman to be executed for fourteen by George H Kendall, Assistant we would conquer this barbaric evil” you can compete more effectively with colleagues when years despite world wide appeals. Counsel, on the current state of the He believes that in years to come peo- promotion opportunities come up. Angel Breard, a Paraguayan citizen, death penalty in the US. Over 3000 was executed by Virginia April 14th. ple will look upon the death penalty in men and women live on death row. In the same light as slavery and lynching. On the other hand, you may be considering a career which Despite requests from the U.S. State many cases that have resulted in the The last speaker was a correspondent requires more specialised knowledge than your first degree Department, the International Court of death sentence the legal representation whose pen-friend had recently been provided. Masters courses are tailor-made to meet these Justice and the Paraguayan govern- was grossly inadequate. At the later executed. The emotional burden of demands with virtually every subject from actuarial work to ment, neither the U.S. Supreme Court appeals stage many defendants have no loosing a friend was plain to see and zoology covered in one course or another. nor Virginia’s Governor Gilmore lawyer at all or rely on overworked would halt the execution. Breard was seemingly had a knock on affect since volunteers who may have no experi- I did not notice a dry eye in the house. Finally, a lot of people drift into further degrees without denied his rights under the Vienna ence of capital cases and who receive She movingly read from the diary he having a clue what’s at the end of it. However, most direc- Convention to consult with a as little as $1.41 an hour without had left for her. On the day of his exe- tors of postgraduate courses know what’s happened to their Paraguayan consular official. The US expenses. The result is that the cution he had written “The end”. The former students. Why not ask them for this information lies fifth in the number of legal execu- swelling population of condemned entry for the following day read “ The before you commit yourself? If they are reluctant to tell tions conducted in 1996, and two of prisoners on Death Row includes a sig- beginning.” you, perhaps it’s because many of them are still job-hunting. the countries above them in the list nificant number who are wrongly con- have since rejected the death penalty. by Tom Sherwen victed or unfairly sentenced - the inno- Russ Clark America is increasingly isolated and Careers Service LifeLines “Lifelines is the only hope and proper lawyers, lack formal peace of mind that some of us education and were denied have on Death Row” Can you many of the opportunities in imagine spending ten or even life we take for granted. A dis- S TEP fifteen years in a concrete and proportionate number are black steel 6’ by 9’ cage waiting for or Hispanic. And some are death? That - no matter what innocent. University of Surrey they may have done - is the fate Skills Through Experience Programme of the 3,300 men and women Lifelines has over 1,700 mem- on Death Row in the United bers in this country. Even so, States. there is a waiting list of over NOWADAYS EMPLOYERS WANT MORE 200 prisoners wanting pen- THAN JUST A DEGREE... Lifelines is a British-based friends. Because the prisoners organisation whose members are in such an extraordinary sit- write to prisoners on Death uation and such intense emo- Apply Your Knowledge Row. It does not campaign and tions can be aroused, Lifelines Gain Some Practical Experience Which is not political: its sole concern goes to great lengths to support Complements Your Course Of Study is to provide support by corre- its letter writers. There is a spondence to those cast aside newsletter, conferences, and Improve Your CV by society and awaiting death. people to get in touch with if Develop Your Skills Those letters often make an matters get difficult or you Meet New People enormous difference to the need advice. Lifelines is in prisoner. What many of us close touch with lawyers in the writing had not bargained for is US, where it is well respected. WE CAN MATCH YOU UP WITH A how much the contact with the PLACEMENT THAT WILL INCREASE prisoner has meant to us. it is Not an easy thing to take on... not always easy; indeed there but if you are interested in YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING A GOOD SKILLS DEVELOPMENT are many pitfalls, which is one lending a helping hand to JOB AND YOU’LL ONLY HAVE TO GIVE reason why Lifelines has an someone regarded as worthless UP AN HOUR OR TWO PER WEEK. 2 skills workshop coming up soon: age limit of 18. But in many by society and want further Firstly, Tuesday 3 November sees the popular “Managing cases the correspondence is information, send an SAE for Your Stress” workshop for all those who can’t! This is remarkably equal and two-way; details the lifelines, 96 Everyone who completes 10 weeks of a place- between 6pm and 8pm and led by Jill Owen. Numbers for many people feel that the pris- Fallowfield, Cambridge CB4 ment will receive a certificate that lists the skills this workshop are quite tight so you need to sign up quickly. oners give them far more than 1PF. they are able to give the prison- developed through participation in the scheme. ers. Alternatively, Annika Sherwen, Secondly, Wednesday 11 November is a session on a member of Lifelines, who “Teamwork” which will take place between 2pm and 4pm. Contact Hannah Picken on 01483 259393 It is true that many of the pris- lives in your region, would be This will be led by the PGA. oners have committed unspeak- willing to tell you more about ext:4913 For more info or to sign up, contact Rodney Bates by e-mail able crimes. What is also true what the correspondence has or e-mail ms51hp for more information. ([email protected]) or phone ext. 3177. is that nearly all suffered abuse meant to her. you can contact in childhood , could not afford her on 07970 88 44 09. ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:33 Page 5 (1,1)

Thursday 29th October1998 Music 5

Hiemereka Hi-Fi / Product / MARK LANEGAN Mouthwash / Role Models Astoria London Plastic People (Porn St*r), Oxford Street, 17/10/98 16/10/98 Female fronted four piece, Role Models came on new wave with emphasis on an early Manics to cheers from their Reading gang and parents. feel. Before Hiemereka Hi-Fi the crowd danced Before Mark Lanegan takes the stage for trates solely on allowing the songs to com- As the set progressed the crowd was slowly con- about to Blondie and other early new wave his first ever solo show in the UK, we were municate, only saying “thank you” and verted to their feisty power pop with metal music courtesy of a guest dj slot from Alice of treated to a short set by Mike Johnson, for- introducing the band between songs. Songs tinges. The bass throbbed and the singer wailed. Cheetara. Hiemereka Hi-Fi consider themselves merly of Dinosaur Jr. His plaintive country from all three of his solo albums are played, Probably the best band ever to play bottom of to be “dichordant post everything”. Starting tinged acoustic songs suggest that his highlighted by ‘The Winding Sheet’, the bill. After a short musical interlude com- with something resembling a Mogwai b-side album should be worth buying. Lanegan ‘Borracho’ and ‘Because Of This’ which prising of the latest bis record and a dozen boy things quickly improved. Noise seems to be ambles onto the stage, looking far and away sound truly magnificent. Two encore are bands Mouthwash came on, all ties and skater their greatest weapon, with a second guitar chains. Mouthwash want to be The Jam with meandering over the high notes completing the healthier than on the Screaming Trees tour delivered, the second featuring a thorough- their own sprinkling of ska and punk tendencies. soundscape. By halfway through one guitar was a couple of years ago, along side his group ly rocking version of The Screaming Trees’ The front row retreated to a safe distance to down to 3 strings but after a quick twiddle the of friends that form the band. On guitar ‘Sworn And Broken’ followed by allow the three man mosh to leap around and guitarist had tuned it accordingly. Hiemereka there is the aforementioned Mike Johnson ‘Carnival’. It may be a while before Mark jump the singer. Energetic, expect a two-tone to Hi-Fi are obviously not amateurs. Disturbing and Seattle based singer-songwriter Marc Lanegan returns to the UK, but the memo- be added to the line-up. Product used to be and amazing in equal measures a deal with Olsen, on bass Ben Shepherd formerly of ries of this show will surely last that long. called Cherry X. Although that won’t mean Chemical Underground can only be so far away. Soundgarden and drummer Mark Bouquist. much to most people. Trashy indie new wave of Andrew Thomas What a great band they turn out to be, per- Rob Winder fectly laid back and suited to Lanegan, but Stony Sleep would be doing bloody somersaults. it is not the band people came to see, or Musically, the performance was not much more truthfully hear. Mark Lanegan Union House 18/10/98 better than middle of the road. Though in undoubtedly posesses one of the finest The subject of musical mathematics is not saying that, the energy produced by this voices in “rock” music, ever. The lights are yet taught in any university, not to men- band will not be seen in the Union for kept low and Lanegan takes his usual pose tion heard of in the world. Yet, anyone quite some time, this is in my humble gripping tightly onto the mic stand. His with a musical mind will see the logic in opinion a welcoming standard. voice deep, dark and soulful, combining the the following equation; take the sound of Unfortunately, the bands stage presence melody of Leonard Cohen with the despair Ash multiply it by the sound of Bush and was outstandingly overshadowed by the of Nick Cave, Lanegan manages to fill the divide it by the sound of Silverchair and four man moche pit, which for me was the Astoria as he opens the set with ‘Ugly you got yourself the sound of a band highlight of the night. This band has got Sunday’ from has debut album, ‘The called Stony Sleep. Some have in the past talent, but live they are a lack luster affair. Winding Sheet’. It is noticeable that with compared this sound to the sound of They have the ability to go far on two this band the songs which are emotional on Nirvana, Radiohead and the Pixies. Now conditions; further focus on what it means record gain a sense of life and greater these people I would love to meet cause to be on a stage and entertaining a crowd poignancy. Some people are visibly moved they got some big balls. Nirvana's place of not just four people and a steering to tears by his presence. Lanegan concen- as a legendary band is practically unques- towards at least one or two less aggres- tionable, to compare Stony Sleep to sive songs for that ticket to the big time. Nirvana is a crime. Kurt Cobain would Bit more work and some better haircuts not only be turning in his grave, but he can go a long way.

The new album is quite a progression, what do you think it has A chat with... extra? Tim: More style definately. Very stylish. More substance. We Ash aren’t pushing any big message, they’re just songs. Feel-good So we’re sat in a cupboard sized dressing room with Rick and songs. Tim from Ash. Central Television are poking their camera Do you like people analysing your lyrics? through the door as we unfold our hastily scribbled question Tim: Sometimes it’s good because they take me ages to write. sheet. Sometimes they take it too far though. Some bloke in America Last week you did four gigs in four different countries in one day, thought “Oh Yeah” was about his entire life, and that was too how did it go? much. Then he started banging on about some “order of knights” Tim: Pretty good, it was a pretty crazy thing to do. We got whatever that was and Van Morrison. through it in the end though. Rick: I think he’d been shagged up his arse by his mother with a So why did you do it? strap-on. Tim: ‘Cos we’re stupid! All bands do instore gigs when their Tim: He probably thought he was the knight. album’s released, we thought we’d push it a bit further. WE Do you get lots of weird fans then? wanted to do five. If we’d done five we would have the record. Tim: Yeah, there was once this mad girl who followed us every- Who’s got the record at the minute? where. She tried to follow me home all the time. She came out Tim: (coughs and whispers) Status Quo. Def Lepperd have done to the studio and stuff, really kind of freaky. I mean, what could four as well. she do? It does bother me. to stay up late and get up later. You meet people on the road and Rick: Thank god it’s the only thing we’ve got in common with Rick: I went up to her once when she was outside the studio and it’s cool. Status Quo! asked her why she was following Tim. She just said because she So what are necessities on your tour bus? How do you think Nu-Clear sounds, your new album, compares was his stalker! Tim: Beer, Spiceworld the movie... I like that movie, it’s quite to your previous one? Tim: It would be five in the morning and she’d be there at photo good. Tim: It’s more rocky I think. shoots. Do you have girlfriends at home? Rick: More content definately. You’ve toured lots of places, where haven’t you? Rick: Yeah. Tim: The press have really liked it as well. Best reviews we’ve Tim: South America, Africa, and Russia. I’d love to go back and Tim: They’re cool with us going off and that. ever had. do Iceland again, and Australia. Japan to. Your gigs are always been attended by way more females than Do the reviews interest you? Can you see yourself tackling stadiums soon, or do you prefer most bands... Tim: Only if they’re good! It’s nice to get a good review. The clubs? Tim: That’s why we got Charlotte in, redress the balance. Melody Maker gave us 5/5 but considering the quality of their Tim: This size of venue is nice, we played to 8,000 people in Everything’s cool with her and all. journalism... They’re interpretation of the record was quite off Dublin and that was good. We still play tiny clubs in America You previously played with Placebo, what do you think of them? the mark. It’s nice the reviews take us a band and don’t lump us and that’s cool. Tim: They’re good, depends who you ask in the band though! in with a scene. I mean last time round it was the britpop scene Is America as hard as a lot of bands make out? They’re very style orientated but good tunes as well. I love and all that. Tim: It’s never driven us to madness but it’s a chance to relax China Drum as well, we played with them a long time ago. Tonight you’re playing with Idlewild and Chicks, who have been touring around. There’s a few other bands I really like from back home, like lumped into the “bratpop” scene. A few years ago you were put There’s been a lot said about your rock n’ roll lifestyle... Backwater and Chicks. Chicks are so cool. into that kind of teen punk scene. Do these scenes have any use? Tim: (smacking his arm ready for a heroin needle!) No, really we Chicks are being chased by loads of labels, was it like that for Tim: There’s loads of young bands about, we’ve missed that boat haven’t done a proper tour for a year and half so there’s not been you? by a few years this time. I really like Chicks, but the whole much chance for rock n’ roll. We get a huge rider for rock n’ Rick: There was only one interested in us! “bratpop” thing isn’t necessary. roll when we’re on tour. We collect it up over a few days for big What are your plans from now? Did you ever think of yourselves as being part of britpop? blow outs. Tim: Tour the UK, then a break for Christmas. Japan, Australia, Rick: We’re from Ireland for a start, so no. Britpop kind of recy- Was partying part of the attraction of being in a band for you? USA, then the next album. cled the sixties and we don’t do that. Tim: No, we’ve been in bands since we were twelve. We just Tim: The whole summer of ‘95 was that. Before that it was the did it. Interview by Andrew Thomas and Daniel Jones whole new punk thing, and before that new wave of new wave. Rick: It wasn’t to feed a smack habit or anything! We’ve actually seen a lot of these scenes come and go. Tim: It’s always been about the music. Although it’s always fun ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:34 Page 6 (1,1)

6 Music Thursday 29th October1998

LYNDEN DAVID HALL – ‘Sexy Cinderella’ (EMI) Lynden David Hall gives his own deeply sultry sound LUKAN - See You Dying (Depth) SINGLES to blues and soul music. The man is still amazingly tal- Kerrang faves Lukan bring us a useful, but ultimately ented in his chosen musical genre. The blues in dull, hard-edged rock tune. The screaming and whirling ‘Perfect Love Song’ are perfect, clear and touching guitars are great, but this just lacks the hook, and SINGLE OF THE while the title song ‘Sexy Cinderella’ is more upbeat. maybe a bit of production sheen, to ascend it from the ‘Medicine 4 My Pain’ is my favourite song on this sin- crowd. 6/10 JRH WEEK gle for being so sad and mellow all at once. If only peo- ple would release such brilliant acoustic guitar music JAMES - Sit Down ‘98 (Fontana) more often. 9/10 G.T. Sit down ‘98 is just a re-release of an old classic. It does have a couple of remixes, but these are far too close to MANSUN. Negative (Parlophone) the original to be worth buying again. 6/10 E.C. Excellent song from the Mansun boys and possibly the best single from their rather badly received second THE MONTROSE AVENUE - Start Again album. For all those semi-Mansun fans out there, this (Columbia) SNOWPONY - John Brown (Radioactive) song touches the quality of ‘Wide Open Space’ and Startlingly unoriginal slice of heavily Byrds influenced It sounds very promising, a delicious bass-riff blended equals that of ‘Legacy’. 8/10 GN mid-American sounding pop from these young Brits. with funky drum beats. Excellent..., that is until the Despite it’s lack of originality it is pretty inoffensive. most cheesiest, cringe-making vocals are messily plas- MARK SPYBEY & JAMES PLOTKIN A 5/10 R.W. tered over the top. Even the odd cool sample can not Peripheral Blur (kranky) save this from becoming an extremely annoying record. Ambient music in its most scariest re-incarnation yet, D.J RAP - Good to be alive (Higher Ground) A.S 3/10 with its unnatural use of guitars it forms the most chill- I have heard about sexy DJ RAP in the past and I don’t GEL - Catching Ants (Che) ing and dreamscape mood ever. Only suited for those in understand why this single is so bad. It is not terrible The first proper single from Che’s latest signing. the higher conscionous. 7/10 K.M but it stands for cheesy nightclubs. Its your usual disco This weeks records brought to you by: Daniel Cremin, Georgina Tarrent, Kevin Marston, The indie boy band for ‘99 Gel combine their single , sort of reminiscent of moby BADLY DRAWN BOY - EP3 (XL) with catchy female vocals, uplifting sequences and Andrew Smith, Andrew Thomas, Christian Hunter, speedy fuzz guitars with la la vocals. All three Gabriel Chamero, Emma Clark, Nick Walsh, James tracks are basically in a similar vain pointing Weird filmic musical doodlings from the Badly Drawn rhythms we’ve heard before. Having said all that it will Boy. Veering between genius and fallacy in the space of probably be a hit, knowing the way things go. 5/10 Hemingway, Mark de Lange, Daniel Jones, Gareth, towards non stop teen energy! Short and punchy. a few short tracks. Certainly interesting though. 7/10 C.H. Rob Winder 9/10 A.T. R.W.

times have changed. Despite their image, the Levellers is not possible at this point to see ‘The Perfect blends neatly to form a troubled, Heavenly intonation. have produced a cracking brand of alternative folk-pop Kellulight’ launching Flick into the limelight just yet, The Hammond Organ of ‘Derwent River Star’ is put to ALBUMS over the last 10 years, and this retrospective will hope- but don’t write them off. The album gives reason to much better use than Kula Shaker could ever dream of fully prove this to all the doubters among us. Lyrically, believe this band could be the name to drop by the time and carves away at the very heart of the song. The CYPRESS HILL - Cypress 4 (Ruffhouse/Columbia) their is nothing complicated about the Levellers, just they have a second album. A highly recommendable songs don’t always scale these heights but the rework- Finally the new Cypress Hill albulm “Cypress 4” is everyday observations, but their strength really lies in listen for those who love music. 7/10 G.N. ing of ‘Drive’ by xxxx is simplistically great. 6/10 D.J. here. Muggs and the cypress crew have done it again. the tremendous hooks underlying these, brought to life More up-beat than their last releases and a little bit by fiddles, guitars, horns or whatever else they can lay VARIOUS The Acid House (EMI) BEEKEEPER - Ostrich (Southern) more commercial at the same time. A few of these their hands on. 8/10 JRH It is difficult reviewing a soundtrack album without, A much more amiable album than my other offering tracks will make it big “from the window of my room”, first seeing the film. The film can give an unconnected this week, this is a gentle trip through someone’s really and others will just be there for our own entertainment MARION - The Program (London) set of songs, a proper context, and give you a nostalgic quite fluffy head. This band has been around in one “Doctor Greenthumb!?”. If you liked any other cypress Jamie Harding is pretty, much prettier than Brian feeling for the film. This soundtrack is again from the form or another for two decades, and the skill with with stuff get hold of this. 9/10 C.H. Molko. Sharing the same sentiments, he also writes bet- association of Irvine Welsh and EMI, the company that the minimal harmonies are constructed is really rather ter lyrics than Brian. And he doesn’t seem to be a brought you two Trainspotting soundtracks. The Acid telling. This is, however, slightly too MOR too be FATBOY SLIM - You’ve Come A Long Way Baby processed caricature of the angst world, like Brian. And House film is adapted from Irvine Welshs book of short either brilliant or shite. Instead, it just is. Reminiscent (Skint) he’s also taken more drugs than Brian (which reported- stories. It contains new songs from Belle & Sebastian of ‘Maids of Gravity’ it is bordering on muzak, but has Mr big beat from Brighton now has a whole album to ly is a big achievement cos Bri was a bit of a mad one) (V.Good), Primal Scream (Poor), Beth Orton (good) as little flares here and there to remind you that you aren’t cut up samples and use all his nifty effects on. A lot has which ultimately explains why Marion and Placebo are well as known tracks from The Chemical Brothers, The on hold. But all round, not a bad CD. Just not really a been made of Norman Cooks’ past but this is allegedly in their respective positions. Marion were explosive in Verve, Oasis and Bentley Rhythm Ace, a diverse good one either. 6/10 MdL the music of the future so to dwell on Beats the middle of this decade, both live and on their 1995 soundtrack which bodes well for the film. So Ill give it International and The Housemartins seems, although debut ‘This World And Body’. Creating an authentic a transient 7/10 N.W. amusing, irrelevant. Experimenting within limits is the focus for post-grunge angst, they nearly became con- general drive behind this, as can be seen in the cut n’ tenders....But in disappearing, the press and fairweath- VARIOUS - FSUK3 (MOS) paste aesthetic of track five ‘Build It Up’, which mixes er fans drifted away and although the hardcore Another compilation of big beats hitting the scene after jungle into breakbeat and loops daft disco loops and remained faithful, the much delayed ‘The Program’ is the recent breakthrough into the mainstream. Featuring vocals on top. The singles are here as is what appears to their largely ignored re-introduction to the world. some of the most famous names like Fatboy Slim, Cut be a track sampling an old Pizzaman song, which is fair Which is a shame. 7/10 D.J. La Roc and B.R.A (who mixed and compiled the cd). enough as that was another of Normans’ little ‘pro- Bringing together the music of acid jazz, 60’s, easy lis- jects’. Altogether less of an album and more of a sound- DAVE PEARCE - Dance Anthems (PolyGram) tening and high racked breaks ‘n’ beats into one fruity THE VELVET CRUSH - Heavy Changes (Action track for clubbing outside the limits of MOS et al. 8/10 Compiling the recent summer anthems such as Kane & tropicano cocktail of funk. In all another great compila- Music/Cokking Vinyl) A.T. Nalins ‘Beachball’ and Morales’ ‘Needin ‘u’ with some tion but if you got one already, then you will probably Beat combos are boring. Especially when they try and classic anthems from earlier on in the decade, such as be doubling your experience.7/10 K.M rock out. Cast proved this. Oasis, post ‘Definately KRISTIN HERSH - Murder, Misery And Then Bizarre Inc.’s ‘Playing with Knives.’ and Nush ‘U Maybe’ proved this. Even, arguably The Beatles Goodnight (4AD) girls.’ Done with the same professional mixing charis- GROOVERIDER - Mysteries Of Funk (Sony) proved this. The Velvet Crush were once a melodic pop This album is a collection of traditional Appalachian ma that you would expect from any popular dance com- The first track of this drum n bass album is a nine band. Now they’re not. They have, in the appropriately folk songs recorded by Kristin just six days after her pilation, this is…like any other dance compilation, with minute monster with star trek samples and quite a lot of titled Heavy Changes, morphed into a dense dullard of critically acclaimed ‘Strange Angles’. On first listen the reassurance you’re likely to have at least one of internal changing (I thought I was on track four by the a band. The songs here bare no mention. In fact to call most of her songs sound like childish songs recorded at these tracks elsewhere. Putting this aside, there are all end). Overall you can’t complain about VFM with the them songs is a diservice to songwriters the world over. Sunday School, but when you actually start paying the popular anthems that are guaranteed to make you CD being over 77 minutes long. Whilst all the tracks They have no tune and they have no soul - they surely attention to the lyrics, you are in for a surprise... lines want to get up and dance and if you haven’t bought one are good there is one outstanding track for me, that is have been spawned and then spurned. 3/10 D.J. like ‘Poke the bay in the eye’, songs that portray for a while it will prove it’s worth. D.M.C. 7/10 ‘Where’s Jack The Ripper’ which dispatches with the women that are poisoned and stabbed for refusing to clean cut beats of the other tracks in favour of a dirty SYSTEM OF A DOWN: System Of A Down marry and who hang themselves when they can’t give FLICK - The Perfect Kellulight (Facility) rumbling foreground. As this is the only track which (American Records) this album an evil and depressing undertone. Relatively unheard of on these shores, Flick have gone stands out in my mind 7/10 I.P. The latest contribution from the loons who expect to Nevertheless, it is simply brilliant! 8/10 G.C. and produced an original sound, which is uncommon in rule the world after Armageddon is here, with a level of America these days. For once it is not possible to hear VARIOUS - Streetwise (Zone 6 Records) charm not seen since Charles Manson paid a friendly THE LEVELLERS - One Way Of Life: The Best Of Hootie and the Blowfish, Smashing Pumpkins or even This dance compilation possibly will suffer for spread- visit to his neighbours. This is quite exceptionally loud (China) Bush lurking in the background. Alas, the band does ing itself to thinly (and not being a mix album for that (which is good) and the guitar riffs are generally very Back in 1991, when all the crusties at school were remind this listener of British alternative bands like matter). However it has a quite a large spectrum of heavy and reasonably OK. But heavy metal in wearing Levellers T-shirts, it was difficult to say any- Gomez and The Wannadies, which is not a bad thing. It dance music from CJ Bolland to Texas remix. All the Swingtime Jazz style? Waltz style? Oh dear. This is all thing complementary about Brighton’s best. My, how tracks inspite of mostly being exclusive are all of a pushed into the background by the frontman, a helium- decent standard. You should be able to find quite a few inhaling dement possessed by the least stable demons ALBUM OF THE WEEK tracks you like at three CD’s around 70 minutes. Its also ever seen. His warblings go from Minnie Mouse down SPIRITUALISED Live at the Albert Hall for charity. 6/10 I.P. to Glen Benton, but how can you trust anyone who rolls (Dedicated) his r’s like this? I’m soory, get a new singer and they 1997 was the year in which Spiritualised went to TALVIN SINGH - OK (Island) might get somewhere, but as it is this is unlistenable - being critically liked small cult band to being a Following his relative increase in popularity, co-pro- it’s just too funny. 2/10 MdL critically loved huge cult band. This was mainly ducing along side the likes of Madonna, Bjork and FLOSSIE AND THE UNICORNS - LMNOP (Skin due to their monumental album Ladies and Future Sound of London. Talvin releases his debut Graft Records) Gentleman we are floating in space which was for album to promote an Asian atmospheric theme of both These are one set of messed-up people. The ‘music’, if many people their last years defining album. Also Japanese and Indian styles. His rhythmic ability on the you could call it that, sounds like the sort of thing you’d their stage show which they seemed to tour forev- Tabla’s is combined with electronic percussion’s and record when you were 5, and then regret it a week later. er was an ambitious take combing millions of samples of enchanting pipes, strings, and poetic lyrics, You know the sort of thing, badly played with any sam- lights and the best of their back catalogue. The which all in all give a distinct ‘Deep Forest’ feel, but ples that your little electric keyboard had, added just in defining gig was at the Royal Albert Hall, which with no resemblance to Corner Shop, as another case. The songs would also be about something stupid, was recorded here in all its 1 hour glory. renowned pioneer on the contemporary Asian band- like toys going to fight evil witches in enchanted Containing tracks from their three albums, con- wagon. Unfortunately the album is deprived of any real forests, that sort of thing. Well these people, instead of taining amongst others a spine tingling Shine A body. D.M.C. 6/10 throwing the tape away in a fit of shame and embar- Light, and a full-on Medication. To songs off their rassment, have published the damn thing. The first last album Broken Heart where they are joined by THE PARADISE MOTEL - Flight Paths track is seriously a story about a DJ teaching animals to a string orchestra, Come Together where they are joined by a gospel choir and my personal favourite I Think Im (Infectious) play guitars, then killing an evil witch who’d cast a in Love, which starts all quiet and gentle and builds up to a sixties soul song. The band close on a cover of the The opening gambit of ‘Aeroplanes’ other than being spell to stop the animals playing drums and starting sixties gospel standard On Happy Day. With so many layers to the songs, a lot of them sound better in a huge achingly good, sets the tone perfectly. The irresistible, bands. This Album is some how disturbing in it’s own venue, they also sound looser and more free, than on CD, plus it acts as a sort of bet of so if you’re a fan of the atmospheric voice of Merida Sussex set against raw little way, I’d advise staying as far away as possible. band its worth getting. 9/10 N.W. acoustic and sweet and then sharp electric orchestration 1/10 E.C. ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:35 Page 7 (1,1)

Thursday 29th October1998 Entertainments Guide 7

Cineline 0870 505 0007

Fri 30th Oct to Thurs 5th Nov (Fri & Sat 30th/31st) The Exorcist 12.45 15.40 18.30 21.35 Still Crazy 13.55 16.45 19.30 22.00 30th There’s Something about Mary Friday 12.35 15.20 18.10 21.00 Haloween H20 14.40 17.00 19.55 22.05 As Good as it Gets. Elizabeth 12.10 15.00 17.50 20.50 I went to see this at the cinema with a friend of mine and we Saving Private Ryan were lucky enough to be sat in front of two large 35 year old 13.30 20.50 women who had obviously been to the pub beforehand. They The Truman Show

31st found this film hilarious and we spent most of the time laugh- 14.00 16.30 19.10 21.50 ing at them laughing at the few not quite so funny bits of a Small Soldiers

Saturday funny film. The film tells the story of Melvin a cranky, bigot- 12.50 15.45 18.30 21.10 ed, obsessive-compulsive writer who finds his life turned A Perfect Murder upside down when his neighbour is hospitalised and Melvin is 18.00 forced to look after his dog. In addition, Carol, the only wait- Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels ress in New York who can tolerate him, must leave to look 21.20 after her ill son making it impossible for Melvin to eat break- Mulan fast. - Starring Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt, Cuba Gooding Jr 1st 12.00 14.20 16.35 18.50 and Skeet Ulrich. An exceptionally funny film and well worth Ever After: A Cinderella Story12.05

Sunday viewing in LT G on 1st Nov at 5pm and 8pm and the 2nd at Sun - Thurs (1st - 5th) 8pm. The Exorcist 12.00(except sun) 14.45 17.35 20.35 TwentyFourSeven is the smashing Arts film showing on Still Crazy Wednesday 4th Nov. Starring Bob Hoskins it had been 13.30 15.30 18.15 20.30 described as “vivid, ebullient and atmospheric”, “breathtaking There’s Something about Mary and inspired”, “brilliant - a phenomenal performance” and 12.45 15.20 17.55 20.40 “Hilarious - don’t miss it”. I don’t know who said this but it

2nd Haloween H20 must be worth seeing this British film that was somewhat hid- 12.30 (except sun) 14.40 16.55 19.05 21.15 den by the success of the Full Monty. The time period in the

Monday Elizabeth title refers to the periods of boredom faced by a group of unem- 12.05 14.50 17.40 20.25 ployed lads on an estate who fill their time with crime, nar- Saving Private Ryan cotics and alcohol until Darcy (Hoskins) sets up a boxing club. HOUSEWIFE 12.25 19.45 The Truman Show You can now buy your tickets in advance from the union recep- 13.10 15.40 18.10 20.50 tionist with your union card and by popping your name on a list Small Soldiers - then just come to the film with ticket and union card and 3rd 12.20 14.55 17.30 20.10 enjoy the film. P.S you can still reserve them via the post room Mulan if you really want to. Tuesday 12.00 14.10 16.20 18.30 4th Wednesday 5th Thursday 6th Friday 7th Saturday ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:35 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Reviews Thursday 29th October1998

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Comedy Night Jack Russell and Martin Bigpig Comedy Night, Helyn Rose Bar 19th October 1998

The humour of these two Irish comedians made for an entertaining evening in the Lower Bar.

Starring : Johnny Jack Russell (woof, woof!) with his energetic Depp, Benicio Del routine (provided by Lucozade) amused all with ToroDirected by: Terry anecdotes of life as an eight your old. His rou- Gilliam tine was enhanced by the drunk hecklers who This film is an adapta- soon became stars of the show. tion of a book by ace gonzo journalist Martin Bigpig, better known as the beardy Hunter S. Thomson, the book is probably silent majority, as they patently rip apart the weirdo, continued the evening with his many one of the most famous ‘cult classic’ books American dream. comic accessories including a plastic lobster, a of all time. It was thought that it is dildo and a nipple firing gun!! unfilmable, but director Terry Gilliam, has It is one of those films you either love or managed to visualise the ‘hallucinatory hate, but personally I loved it. There can be Altogether an enjoyable alternative humour’ and ‘nightmare terror’ which was hardly any other films (maybe Withnail and to watching yet more ‘fly on the described so beautifully in the book to be I) that show hedonism so graphically and wall’ TV programmes, and the free given a new life on widescreen. The funnily. It blatantly glamorises drugs and if bottle of Carlsberg Ice made it all abridged plot, involves, Hunter S. Thomson you sort of shy away from this type of thing the more worthwhile. (played by Johnny Depp) and his attorney, I wouldn’t recommend it. Compare it to Dr. Gonzo travelling to Las Vegas armed other films released this year and this one The next Comedy Night is on with an overflowing suitcase of almost does live up to the hype. With so much pres- Monday 2nd November, with every drug imaginable. They are supposed sure on the director and crew to do the book comedians Steve Best, Anton and to be covering some motorcycle race, but justice, they have really paid attention to Lee Canterbury. Steve Best has instead end up having doped confrontations detail. The soundtrack is excellent, the cine- been described by Time Out as a with casino operators, bartenders, police matography helps keep you interested, and ‘hugely enjoyable, very funny officers and assorted representatives of the there is career best acting from the cast. 9/10 comic’. He enjoyeed a very suc- cessful tour last year supporting Frank Skinner. Anton’s style combines surrealism and grit Elizabeth in an approach to tackling everyday issues such as sexuality, drug abuse and unemployment. his view point is rendered in a captivating fashion utilising various comedic minutiae, rang- Director: Shekar Kapur trouble, treachery and treason like there’s no ing from knob gags to full blown intellectual digression. Starring: Cate Blanchett, Joseph Fiennes, tomorrow. While the storyline may have Sue Butt, Vicky Curtis and Vicki Thumwood Christopher Ecclestone been criticised for not being wholly accu- rate, what director Shekar Kapur in his Book Festival Update Don’t be put off by the historical plot line to debut English-speaking film may lack in this film, what with the recent run of classic fact (and who’s to know?), he more than The Guildford Book Festival: “The ing but the task Edward Phillips set for him- adaptations you could be fooled into think- makes up for in fiction. Celebrated Jumping Frog” at the Mill self ultimately defeats him. His deep-south ing that this was ‘just another one of those Studio (Yvonne Arnaud Theatre) accent was poor and this affected the enjoy- costume dramas’ - but simpering Sense and The cast of Elizabeth is a strong one, and This one night only play failed to live up to ment of the play for the audience. But the Sensibility this certainly ain’t. while cameo appearances from the likes of expectations. Edward Phillips’ tribute to underlying reason for the productions fail- Angus Deayton and Eric Cantona may Mark Twain was intended to give the audi- ure was due to the absence of humour – A sumptuous feast for the senses this pow- sound like a bizarre concept, they in fact ence a personal insight to the great frankly none of Phillips’ wisecracks were erful and evocative film charts the life and only add to the rich tapestry of this picture. American writer, but only stood to prove funny. “I shacked-up with a French girl – times of Elizabeth I (portrayed by a spell- 9/10 Phillips’ poor acting ability. Mary O’Flanagan was her name!” was as binding Cate Blanchett) storming through Twain (Edward Phillips) the “comic genius” good (bad) as it got. Edward Phillips has enters the stage and takes his place on a lux- done an injustice to Mark Twain and though Halloween H20 - 20 Years Later urious easy chair beside various props. For he has showed us another side to the writer one hour Twain interacts with the audience the play did not work. Laughter, regarded so Director: Steve Miner Starring: Jamie Lee all this time, or at least its a good way for describing comic adventures, tall tales and highly by Twain, did not reverberate around Curtis, Adam Arkin and LL Cool J the writers Robert Zappia and Matt eccentric characters. The tedium was inter- the Mill Studio all too often. As the man Greenberg to explain the money spinning rupted by Phillips’ animated use of the said, “The human race, in its poverty, has Michael Myers is still alive. But why would sequel to the original Halloween series. props, culminating in his deeply depressing unquestionably one really effective weapon he wait 20 years to come after his estranged Pleasingly, everything ties together nicely version of ‘Auld Lang Syne’ on the violin. – laughter.” Hossein Motevalli sister Laurie Strode whom he failed to kill within the humorous asides and when it The idea for this play was certainly interest- last time? Well now she’s calling herself finally builds up to the knife wielding Game Review - Motorhead Keri Tate, she’s the headmistress of her sons moments there’s no lack of frights. And of school and she’s become a petrified alco- course Myers is not one to die at the first managed to pull it off. The amount of holic with frequent nightmares of Myers, fatal wound extending the suspense. The visual effects is incredible. The game will even though she saw him burn to death in intrigue around Myers ruthless, sanguinary run without a 3d graphics card, but the Halloween 2. Her son by the way is 17, the and murderous nature remains, aided some- advantage of having one of these essen- age she was on that fateful Halloween in what by his questionably innocent face of tial add-ons is huge. Full lighting effects 1978. And that it seems is why he’s waited the closing scene. 7/10 Daniel Jones from the headlamps of the cars and other parts of the scenery add to the realism Author: Gremlin Format: PC CD Price: Boogie Night Fever Competition and the arcade feel of the game. The tyre £29.99 marks on the tarmac also actually stay on You can win one of two pairs of tickets to the road for more than one lap, which is Boogie Night Fever at The Guildford Civic Motorhead is one in a new breed of arcade “What ageing Hollywood star always nice. Hall this Friday, the 30th October. It is a rare racing games. This genre has evolved from chance for free entry to one of Guildford’s made a comeback in the box- the original classics such as Wipeout (now Network play is also possible, with up to 8 hottest Seventies music extravaganzas on a budget label), Wipeout 2097 and the office hit Boogie Nights?” players against each other. Unfortunately, a where you can, quite literally, boogie the Screamer series. Following in these foot- split screen option is not available. It is night away. If you don’t win and would still steps, Gremlin have attempted to create a Simply drop the answer off in the Bare Facts much nicer to play a driving simulation like to go, tickets are £7 advance or £10 on game with the same amount of appeal. office before 1pm this Friday or email where the cars are more unpredictable. the night. Phone (01483) 444555 for more [email protected] with name, phone info. Attempting to create an exciting and fast- number and e-mail address. Winners will be Overall, it is a well polished game, with a paced driving game is not an easy task at the contacted after 2pm. nice look and feel. And, for all you out there All you have to do is answer this simple best of times. Trying to design one to com- who don’t have a PC, it’s also available on question, relating to the recent Seventies pete with the glorious graphics of games the Playstation! film of similar name. like Quake 2 and Forsaken is almost impos- Grade: B+ Worth a go Marker: Gareth sible. However, it seems that they have Harmer ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:35 Page 9 (1,1)

Thursday 29th October1998 Notices & Personals 9

njulie you could park a bike in mail. nchris you hairy sex beast, let nare you a closet recorder Personals your clevage, keep it to your- npete, maybe next time you’ll us feel your pecs! player? self next friday. think twice about fiddling with nhappy birthday louisa, love nbanana boy how long before nRonnie- Just to say that you nyoodle ayeee, yoodle ayeee, nanother drunken night out for your balls. claire and helen you’re on claire’s shag piece are often in my thoughts and I yoodle ayee, ohhhhhhhhh. the nurses this friday!!! please nwell, i didn’t faint and i only nbabs, 100% in the exam then? list? hope that today is one of the neli, is your room fishy no photos screamed a little bit. nudge nudge. nhappy birthday claire s. from better ones. - Tom nyou smell good and look ntangerine power rules now! is nkempy! - ready for an 11some nif you have mr happy give helen!!! nmmm- blue with coloured good but your not gods gift to it still an all over body experi- yet??? him over to security, he’s dan- nhappy 20th birthday nick w. stars, or was it sheep!!! women. remember that taz!!!! ence though? nwe still love you mikey p!!! gerous. lots of love your wonderful nEddie - Best of luck - Sven from a girl who you will like... nchichester, may, 1977. were nhas anyone seen mr happy njim ‘c**t’ d - you lucky bas- house mates. n florence - is it lukes baby nsquealer, hope you had a you there? if so, fancy a ride? around here with my keys? tard!! stumpy on tour nget yer chips out stavros! nwill the chemsoc meeting good weekend and didn’t wake nglitter galore glen!!!! nvicky, did georgie peorgie ngrow your goatee back - stal- nmike does not live at 66 so i ever sort itself out? up the neighbours love b.j. neli, go to your lectures kiss you and make you cry? lion man wish he would pi** off back to nalex you’re still the surrogate nyes says the girl at number njan did you enjoy the waxing n’are you sure about that?’ ‘i nwho is the bloke on our door? his own house boyf! love you! 17. and shaving sessions. do you don’t know!’ - house 57 uni court nwarning! stroppy people liv- nthey are runny nhappy 20th birthday louisa. want a repeat? nharry - its comic predictabili- nnicholas, get some toilet roll ing in bellfields! ndodgy birds?look no further you know what you are if your nyou exserperate me clairery- ty at its best but remember to now. ndanger! low-flying, very than the hall restaurant. not a teenager. old!! na. put the clocks back before you n3rd yrs- looking forward to rusty hillman imps spotted in nangl-er says no more!but is nso thirty, do you know his nJed Mrs Spoon go to work seeing you all again in the this neighbourhood. open to persuasion. name now??? nhairs on your sponge- she put na husband is for life... not just union p***ed as farts in nhello anyone from the horn nyes angela is a dinner na and c stop pickin on them there. for christmas. 1999!!! club out there from 96-97. lady!!!(even the program said me....the angel nshe gets all touchy-feely in ndon’t forget your weak lemon nwhere’s pig? especially jo hall “how’s it all so) n8 tequilas and a pint of your room. drink earthworm. nto petie in uni court 59, i truly going?” neli phone me (co) lemonade please barman..... ni love cheese... nanyone seen my hub-cap? it adore the pyjamas you sexy nnext time you burn a nega- nangela are you missing the n now that the garden has been na-m i love you angel. fell off and landed on a wall. beast, love tive, remember to destroy all simpsons cleared, does anyone want to nnot only are some things nmark, how’s life without luisa. the photos too. nrichard from 58 would rather see our muppets? stretchy,but they can also sparrows? nangle-r, your really strange!!! ndisk lost in library - please give it than take it! n not many people can say squeak. n’i don’t want any monkey fin- nhmmm, lets go to bristol and return to desk ncookie monster, everyone thaat their washing machine nthe novelty has worn off gers, for sure’ back overnight! nzammo’s spelling lessons. knows that you steel all the fell down a ditch in the guys!.....simpsons hater nantonio banderas, sing us a neli, living with sarah must be part 1 whhoooeiil. is this cor- milk so why don’t you just buy kitchen! noih irish burd. hope you song and we’ll give you some fun, you know going out all the rect cliffy ? your own? n who’s been spying on the enjoyed your first fno not ketchup! time n becky tutt lost her sherbet nsoc & aps finals- we’re miss- girls next door? working! love t’other irish nat least michael kept a clean nmatt, you are the most pesky dip-dab on sat!!! ing ya! good luck with the dis- nmr weird bloke, where is that burd! sheet,thats the main thing isnt it kid of them all nso porno king how much of a sertations- 3rd yr placement strange smell coming from? nhelen how long before you adam... nyes said the chicken last sat- penis extension is a mini? students naaron, are you sure you’re get enough money for the other nanti-stress guide:buy tequila, urday in the library, you must nporno king you light weight nal, when is your next house talking to dan, or is elvis in boob done down tequila, drink lemonade, beware!!! do you fancy a cider drinking game of worms? your room again? nhigh on a hill stood a lonely repeat until de-stressed or nhmm, isaac inspired you to competition? nthe library reaturant is open nnow we’ve got new lino to goat herd. unconscious want one of your own then... nthe re-arranged 100 club on sundays 10 till 2 stand on when we’re having a nmatt is the pesky kid nthe multi flavoured vodka well, not yet young lady! handicap . saturday 31st @ the nwelly-boot... whats with the shower in the kitchen. nis there a welsh society on shop???coming soon from you nsee you in bournemouth! varsity . can anyone beat the big right one ??????? nwhose bed is bouncier than campus ? if there is where is it final year chemists.....cherry we’ll watch the stars together... cake ? luv paddingtonxxxxxxxx yours, gillian? held ? when ? and is there an e- drops rule!!!! nfno - bring a parent! nway to go becks! Crossword No 82 Notices

Phat Vibes AGM Thursday 29th Oct at 19.00 in Hari’s Bar Postgraduate Association Annual General Meeting, Tuesday 10th November, 6pm, Wates House. Rifle Club AGM Tuesday 3rd November at 18.00 in the Grant Mitchell Room - All Welcome "If there are any Czech speakers (MT or fluent) Afro - Carribean AGM willing to help with a language project? Tuesday 3rd November at 18.30 in LTL Please contact Jo at: lim4jb or Wells 2 ext. 4182.

Change Ringers AGM Intro Week Helpers - Monday 2nd November will be Thursday 12th november at 18.30 in TB23 the last day when intro week money can be picked up. It is Law Society AGM Tuesday 10th November 20.00 in available at the reception desk of the Union from 9 am - 5 the Grant Mitchell Room pm Thanks again for your help. Course Rep training Canoe Club AGM Tuesday 10th November 13.00 2 further sessions have ben scheduled:-Monday 2nd November 5.30 - 8 pm Wednesday 4th November 2.30 - 5pm The venues for Hari’s Bar these sessions will be advertised on posters by the Union reception desk. The sessions are being jointly run by the Students’ Union MACS Society AGM - Friday 13 Nov. LTH 12.00 and Rodney from Skills Development. Both sessions are the same - you only need to come to one of them. They will be interactive, including the role of a Course rep, Meeting skills, Support Services and discussions of Scenarios. Across Down Make a Irish Beauty’s Birthday dream 1. It should make you laugh 1. One lacking courage (6) The actual training will probably not last for all of the allocated (6) 2. Affected by a mental ill- come true! time so there will be a chance to leave early or stay and ask ques- 4. Small plug in cask (6) ness (5) She’s selling her beloved White VW Polo. Genuine reason tions. If you can only make part of a session you are still wel- 8. Spiral (7) 3. Remover of moisture (5) for sale (moving away where she already has another car!), it come to come along.I hope to see lots of you there - it is a good 10. look intently (5) 5. He delivers - not maps s H reg with 77,000 miles, MOT and Tax till Jan ‘99. New opportunity to get to know some of the other Course Reps, who 11. Discs - they keep getting (anag.) (7) provide support as the year goes on. -Gill.Venables broken!(7) 6. Small Grain (7) tyres, bought for £3000 last year, will consider offers around 12. A high hill - go up! (5) 7. Agreement between states £2000. For immediate view, please phone LISA on ext. 4121. Would the person who found my mobile phone (Nokia 1620 in a 13. Priorities (11) (6) bright blue case) on or around 16th October (possibly in LTD) 18. Welsh girl’s name (5) 9. Stomach complaint (9) For SALE: Kona Lavadome Mountainbike 19" frame, 19. With a firm grip (7) 14. Systems of government and ran up a £120 phone bill please return it. Leave it in the 22. Dance – with a strange (7) numerous upgrades. Good “Stage Crew” pigeon hole for anonymity, but it is now useless to BA! (5) 15. A flourish of trumpets (7) condition, £320 ono. Contact me51jh or 563476 for info. anyone other than me! Cheers! 23. Exhibitor of public enter- 16. Early stage of develop- tainment (7) ment - by Rome (anag.) (6) SINGAPORE STUDENTS SOCIETYIMPORTANT 24. Sea-food? Yes, rot! 17. Which animals laugh? (anag.) (6) Hen, say! (anag.) (6) Registration with High Commission required for New 25. A suit – for diggers? (6) 20. Small band of musi- System (Including Final Year Students) cians(5) Refreshment Provided Date : 28/10/98 Wed Venue : LT F Time : 7.30pm Solution to no. 81 Across 1. Lehar 4. die-hard 8. braised 9. stake 10. yoke 11. fearless 13. bantam 14. angora 17. locality 19. item 22. timer University of Surrey Lesbian,Gay and Bisexual 23. callous 24. resents 25. bless Down 1. lobby 2. hearken 3. ruse 4. dodgem 5. ensuring 6. Society meetings every abase 7. deep-sea 12. cauldron 13. bolster 15. outcome 16. Tuesday 8pm, TB20b, or e-mail [email protected] for fur- stocks 18. camps 20. Moses 21. blab ther information Compiled by Jeff Blackham ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:35 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Features Thursday 29th October1998

Conference Codswallop WWW. by Pravin Jeyaraj

Political comment By John Dear had been hoping to tell you about the body and because of my record I was per- indicate its power. Spice Goths and the Furbies. fect for them,” he told The Sun. “All they However, after I opened the newspaper have got against me are grasses who have I personally have not seen the film, though ast, but in no way least, came the I on Saturday, I realised some things were made up things I was supposed to have I did get the chance when it was shown in Conservative party conference, a more important than having a laugh. said.” the Union three years ago. Unfortunately, three-day endurance test held in L Whether Stone is telling the truth or not, it all those late nights picked a fine time to Bournemouth. The nightmare has ended for the Russell is known that miscarriages of justice do catch up with me and I fell asleep (in the family. Two years ago Lin Russell, her happen. Innocent on Death Row describes Union). daughters, Megan and Josie, and their dog, the case of Joseph O’Dell who was sen- The first (and only) The Exorcist home- William Jaffacake Hague opened the conference denouncing New Lucy, were set upon by a hammer-wielding tenced to be executed in July 23, 1997 for page I looked at was provided by the House Labour and urging the party to “move on” and forget party divi- maniac. Lin, Megan and Lucy were killed, murder, despite DNA evidence that proved of Horror. Indeed, the computer music in sions over Europe. Unfortunately for Mr. Hague, the party didn’t while nine year old (at the time) Josie was his innocence. While providing an interest- the background and the use of animation to want to “move on”. Instead, two former Chancellors of the left emotionally scarred and brain dam- ing read, each of these web pages use the portray dribbling blood was disturbing to Exchequer, Kenneth Clarke and Norman Lamont, had a public aged. Last Friday, Michael Stone was Internet as a publishing medium without say the least. I was interested to see the site, argument about European Monetary Union on the conference found guilty of murder and received three exploiting its’ advantages over the tradi- but I really did want to ‘get away’. There is fringe. Both men have large followings in the Tory party. life sentences without the possibility of tional press. It is suitable for those that a joke message at the top of the home page parole for 14 years. enjoy trawling through tons of text (that that says: “Warning: possessed web page”, Anne Widdecombe also appears to have a large following and When Josie’s dad, Shaun Russell, informed will be us students then, surely). It certain- though I think this is not very far from the gave a brilliant speech about the NHS without notes. She paced up of her of the verdict, she replied “Good.” ly allows the reader to come to make their truth. and down using the most dictatorial body language, claiming that Indeed, when asked what she thought own conclusions about one of the most On the home page, the web designer writes there is nothing shameful about private health care, as it frees up should happen to Stone, she simply stated: controversial topics of the twentieth centu- about his own personal experience of The NHS resources for other needy patients. She then attacked New “In America, they have an electric chair...” ry. Exorcist. From there, there are links to Labour by saying that waiting lists had not been shortened by the Even her father is willing to forgo his prin- download pictures and sound files and find amount stated by Frank “Uncle Albert from Only Fools and ciples to see Stone executed. This week sees the cinema release of out about the cast and crew. There is also Horses” Dobson. One commentator from the BBC said that the Halloween: H20, twenty years after the an opportunity for those with a penchant speech was so powerful that Anne reminded him of Hattie Jaques. Capital punishment has always been a original Halloween film thrust Jamie Lee for horror to write about their experiences, Hague scored a massive victory during the second day of the con- cause for a mass debate - one which is cov- Curtis into the limelight. Interestingly sub- but it was at this point that I lost my nerve ference, as more than eighty percent of the party voted for his pol- ered in depth by Kenneth Cauthen in his titled “The Curse of Michael Myers”, I and logged off. icy on EMU. It now seems that the party will rule out European thesis, aptly titled Capital Punishment. wondered if this was an indication of what Monetary Union during the first wave. He argues from two different viewpoints. was to be expected in the forthcoming This week’s web sites One is based on justice and the nature of a Austin Powers sequel. The official web- The Exorcist http://www.house- Unlike Hague, Margaret Thatcher (doing a good impersonation of moral community. This leads to a defense site, hosted by Dimension Films, provides ofhorrors.com/exorcist.com herself) did not score a massive victory. Despite being given a of capital punishment. The second is based a brief synopsis of the film and various Capital Punishment by Kenneth delightful blue IKEA chair, all photographs of the former dictator on love and the nature of an ideal spiritual multimedia (that’s pictures, sound and Cauthen were spoilt, as Edward Heath decided to sit near her in his own community, which tends to a rejection of movie clips) fun stuff and screen savers to http://www.frontiernet.com/~kenc/cap- blue chair. These sorts of incidents occur more often than many the idea. John Stuart Miller, on the other download. Movie buffs are also treated to a pun.htm people think. For years, Edward Heath has hated Thatcher because hand, offers A Speech in Favour of behind-the-scenes static documentary. Innocent on Death Row she never offered him a seat in her cabinet. This has resulted in Capital Punishment, as published in The plain black background and high http://www.gbiz.com/odell/ him trying to sit absurdly close to her ever since. Ethics Update magazine. This speech was unused space to text ratio places an empha- Halloween: H20 http://www.dimension- Denis Thatcher also looked like a complete buffoon. During the given before Parliament on April 21, 1868 sis on the mood on the film. films.com:8889/ows-doc/halloween:h20 debate about EMU, he got comfortable in his chair and then fell in opposition to a bill banning capital pun- Speech in Favour of Capital asleep. Fortunately, someone was kind enough to prod him awake, ishment. Of course, that is only the tip of the iceberg. Punishment whereupon he mouthed the words “Thank you” and promptly fell The mother of all horror films - The http://ethics.acusd.edu/Mill.html asleep again. There is still one problem though. From Exorcist is re-released to celebrate its 25th This week’s keywords (courtesy of day one, Stone has always maintained his anniversary. While the movie was original- Yahoo - www.yahoo.co.uk) More napping of a surreptitious nature occurred during William innocence, despite admitting to his violent ly shown before the advent of the Internet, “Capital Punishment”, Halloween, Hague’s speech at the conference’s end. Whilst the new leader and criminal past. “They had to have some- the number of web sites commemorating it “Halloween:H20”, “The Exorcist” droned on about the Third Way not being as good as the British Way, a certain former female Prime Minister fell asleep like her First Past The Post husband Denis did. Happily. The moment was saved as William Hague received a five-minute standing ovation as his speech drew Spotlight on Horse Racing by Eddie Heardman to a close. e are now at the tail-end of the On Friday, tough old stayer, Further recently announced his retirement, and flat turf racing season, and last Flight, continues to take on horses more Bob Champion, who won the 1981 Grand Wweekend, two meetings were than half his age at Newcastle. Coming National on Aldaniti after fighting back lost to the elements while two survived up this weekend, we see the return of the from cancer, is also winding up his train- late inspections. Despite the inclement ’98 Grand National second place horse, ing stables. Both are laying the blame on weather, some interesting races were run Suny Bay, at Wetherby, who is sure to an increasing financial burden. last weekend. The Group 1 Racing Post make a more than respectable seasonal Trophy at Doncaster was won in some debut. On the same card, one of last sea- The Arab Al Maktoum brothers have also style by Commander Collins, who is now son’s top novice chasers, Escartefigue, is threatened to move their operation to as low as 8-1 at favourite for next year’s beginning his road to next year’s Gold France, where owners make a 2½ times Derby from 25’s prior to this victory. Cup. Down at Ascot, Paddy’s Return is greater return than in Britain. This week, This colt is a relative of Colonel Collins, also reappearing. This useful former long the British Horseracing Board will pre- placed in both the 2000 Guineas and the distance hurdler is likely to be back tack- sent Jack Straw, the Home Secretary, Derby, but whether form from a perfor- ling the larger obstacles, following good with proposals to replenish the industry's mance on slow Yorkshire mud may be showings in novice chases last season. coffers. BHB chairman Peter Savill will projected to a sunny June afternoon in Next Tuesday, a strong British team of detail his plans for betting chains to pro- Epsom, only time will tell. Last season’s horses attempts to bring back the vide an extra £50 million to fund the Cheltenham Gold Cup winner, Cool Melbourne Cup from Australia. This has sport, as well as an idea to expand Dawn, was most disappointing at been our best chance for several years, Sunday racing at the expense of midweek Wincanton in a race won by Super following recent Irish success. The ante- meetings. However, Ladbrokes claim that Tactics, whose trainer is looking for post favourite, Faithful Son, may not be prize money, attendance’s and betting another run prior to challenging for the worth much of a bet at 5-1, but the turnover are all on the increase, and that King George VI Chase at Kempton on improving Sheer Danzig may be more such radical measures are not necessary. Boxing Day. And in a charity fun race at value at around 16’s. The Bookies also argue that an increase the same venue, 66-year-old grandfather in bookmaker’s levy would put a dent in Michael beat both his son, former cham- The latest behind-the-scenes news is con- profits and squeeze already tight mar- pion jump jockey Peter Scudamore, and cerned with the lack of money through- gins. The current levy agreement expires his grandson, Thomas, over 10 furlongs. out the racing game. Lord Huntingdon, in 2000, and there is sure to be plenty the Queen’s trainer for the last 20 years, more debate between the two parties. ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:35 Page 11 (1,1)

Thursday 29th October1998 features + Surrey Pride 11

Surrey Pride Star Profile The Shape of Things to Come…. !?!?! Number 2, USWFC 4 – Kingston 2 t wasn’t looking good for the footy birds (big drinking Fresher!) pushed one past the scored her second. Alexandra Sutherland - as they set off on Wednesday for their goalie and there were celebrations all round. The heat was on. Just one lapse of concentra- Iclash with Kingston University. Facing a Foghorn strived to refocus our concentration. tion and Kingston could equalise. It wasn’t to 1st Female UniS Golfer team that we hadn’t beaten in at least three With the memory of the game against be. A late goal by the skilled Erica secured years, today of all days we had neither of our Farnborough, where it all went pear-shaped our win and the final whistle blew for the Vital Stats; usual goalkeepers. We arrived at the ground after taking the lead, clearly in our minds, we USWFC victory - SURREY 4 – KINGSTON Age: 20 in plenty of time to organise our troops and started plugging away again. A few minutes 2. Celebrations followed and the Kingston Dept: LIS give our stand in goalie plenty of practice. later saw the moment we dreaded as the Rugby team even invited us to partake in Nicknames:Monty The question was, who was it going to be?!? opposition equalised from a corner. Our team their fresher initiation ceremony. All I can Now you’d usually pick depending on abili- spirit held and we took the lead again thanks say is – let’s hope they truly believe that size Sporting Interests (and ty, but not us. Rach became ‘the chosen one’ to our speedy left winger Di. Surrey contin- isn’t important!!!!!!! BIRI why?): Golf (I because she had forgotten her sports bra – it ued to hold the balance of play until the whis- have been in the Swiss just so happened she was damn good in goal tle blew for half time. INTERESTED IN JOINING THE WOM- national team for four too. ENS FOOTBALL CLUB? IT’S NOT TOO years and although our The second half saw a newly reformed LATE! JUST COME ALONG TO TRAIN- golfing reputation is not After a tactics talk from captain Foghorn Kingston and Surrey seemed to fall asleep. ING ON THURSDAY 6.30-8PM OR SUN- fabulous, we KNOW Wright, we kicked off and to our amazement, We succumbed to a second goal, driven in by DAY 2-4PM AT THE VARSITY CENTRE how to have fun, and dominated play, stringing together passes we their number five over all of our heads, skim- (opposite Tesco’s). IT DOESN’T MATTER tennis (I love it !!!). would only have dreamed of at the start of the ming beneath the post just out of reach of the IF YOU’VE NEVER KICKED A BALL season. However, despite a number of excel- sports-braless wonder. 2-2 and a real test of BEFORE – ALL YOU NEED IS ENTHUSI- lent runs by the forwards, we just couldn’t get character. Brimming with the Pride of yellow ASM.FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL the ball in the back of the net. Renowned for and blue, there was no way the Surrey birds ANNE ON 569993 OR HANNAH ON EXT. Personal Info; our perseverance, the defence and midfield were going to lose or even come back with a 4352. What is your favourite feature? Eyes, they are so held tight and continued to slot the ball to the draw. We stepped up the pace and once again, HOW DOES IT GO AGAIN…BE PART expressive birds up front. At last, as if by magic, Katie after some fantastic play up the pitch, Katie OF THE PRIDE…SURREY SPORT. What do you go for in a man? A good sense of humour (and a six-pack). [Failing that, peroxide blonde hair You Can Stick Your Economics Up Your Arse! - Sports Ed.] SURFC 1st XV 53 LSE 1st XV 5 Favourite Drink? Whisky, Lime Lemonade and Vodka SURFC 2nd XV 24 LSE 2nd XV 0 The Boy Davis (all together??) Favourite Food? Chicken Korma ell quite simply the scoreline says scrums. But cruising was one thing that sec- port play was just phenomenal! Tries came Favourite Music? Anything with a good beat! it all! For the rugby club BUSA ond rows Ben and Jon (although he certainly from Ben Dewen and Freshers Joel, Aesop Wstarted last Wednesday as our first showed other aspects of cruising later on that and Michael Atherton (in one of his more less Sporting Info: game had been called off, undoubtedly due to evening!) found no pleasure in at all as the public appearances as a centre for the 2nd What does Surrey Sport give you?The unique opportuni- our foreboding reputation within rugby cir- Surrey scrum was virtually flying up the XV). The team was further urged on when ty to be in a team with only men, no girl in her right mind cles. To say that we were fired up for the pitch. One scrum in particular leaps to mind the firsts arrived (as their game finished 20 would complain. ]Do I hear the sound of communal show- game would be an understatement. as they were driven from within our 22 back minutes earlier) to lend some rather vocal ers running - Sports Ed.]. Expectations were high, the pride was at to the 10 metre line. Obviously this sounds touchline support! The whole day can only be stake and as always the wondrous warriors more impressive to a forward like myself but described as PRIDE! What is your most memorable moment in Surrey Sport? were ready for the challenge. It all started us front five players rarely get mentioned so The first time I entered the Varsity Centre on a Wednesday; well with some hard forward play resulting in there it is! This was further demonstrated in the bar as it was mad. Nothing could beat it! Jason “Cockney wankah, all right geeezzza- all other clubs were drowned into submission aaahhhhh” King crashing over the line to The game continued to be a spectacle of run- by the angelic voices of SURFC! The whole Do you have any sporting superstitions? “Never give Surrey the perfect start. It was soon fol- ning rugby at its best, one might even dare to club then departed off on a social evening to up, never in”. [Once again this question appears to confuse lowed by another try from the aforemen- venture that it was “champagne rugby”! Tries laser quest, or rather twenty slightly inebriat- the f#*k out of the Surrey Star who feels necessary to spout tioned geezer, although this time with a little were being scored left, right and centre ed people running around a darkened maze some sporting adage - Sports Ed!!?!?!?!?] more help from the hard working pack. The through some astonishingly good rugby, trying to shoot each other by whatever means back line was possibly one of the strongest Ascot’s scream under the posts perhaps took available, i.e. pin’em down and fire! How does Surrey Sport affect your Social/Private life? ever fielded by a Surrey side and their the piss just a little but when your winning by Controversy ensued when Mr. Atherton was My friends know that they can count on me for Weds, Sats, prowess was soon showing as Joe and Ascot fifty points you can afford to be cocky! The denied passage into Yates’ drinking establish- Suns etc etc. What amazes me is the number of people you began to dominate in the centres, creating rugby on display was superb, I’m sure I even ment on the grounds that his personage meet through sport; back home sport is a dirty word.....[I’ve many an opening for Guillero, Gerry and saw Steve De Wint applaud at one point!! appeared too infantile for the premises! The got news for you, Alex...] even Mr. Caller to exploit, as he thundered And it wasn’t just the firsts who were admin- Star proved more popular and Bos even bet- across the line on yet another crash ball. istering a sound beating, oh no sirree matey ter still. Watch out for low-level snogging Is sex better before or after sport? Anytime bob! The seconds proved that the pride is like (ahem) and has anybody seen a tracksuit that It was not just the backs who were impressive the force. You can feel it flowing through obviously belongs to someone about 6’3 but Which sports personality would you most like to meet? as the “Family” that is the front row duly your body and in all living things, although was being worn by someone about 5’3 in Mark O’Meara. He seems like a nice guy and he took Tiger showed. Messrs Meharg and Roberts (as the we aren’t quite up to moving starship fighters high heels!! to school - [before quitting his job as a bus driver and tak- twins) literally dismantled their opposing out of swamps yet, demonstrated by a quite Be part of the pride because there’s no ing up golf??] numbers and therefore left the way clear for superb 24 - 0 victory. The pack functioned as where else to hide! “Mum” (yours truly) to cruise through the if they were old hands at the job and the sup- S.U.R.F.C. Sum yourself up in 3 words? Reserved, Determined, Happy (except in a morning!). Oh Dear! Raining Cats and Dogs Surrey LHC 2nds 0 - 7 Portsmouth LHC 2nds by Paul Cliff, Sports Editor Alex Langley’s nominated question; Do blondes have ast Wednesday saw the debut of the ladies Hockey Club sec- hat a washout! With the vast majority of Surrey’s weekend fix- more fun in sport? Definitely. Dye your hair and find out. ond team and many of our newly acquired (through much tures being called off following the onslaught of wind and rain Lhard work) keen and eager freshers. From the scoreline, the Won Friday and Saturday a great number of our sports men and Now that you are a Star of the Pride, which question discerning reader may derive that we took a fine hammering from women were left feeling bitter, empty and redundant on Saturday evening would you like added to the profile list for next weeks the Pompie birds, but in typical LHC spirit we would merely sug- (those who didn’t pull, anyway!). The implications for such meteorologi- Star? gest that we have taken yet another step along the learning curve cal chaos are surprisingly far-reaching. Brett’s Bar and Bistro (aka The Does size matter in Sport? toward a higher level of performance. Or other such rubbish. Varsity Centre bar) reported to reach less than 10% of it’s usual Saturday Thankyou to Alex Sutherland, who can currently be seen play- night takings with the Die Hard custom of the Football, Rugby and ing the lead goat in Alter and Hammerstein’s West End pro- Having never played together as a team and comprising only three Hockey clubs all but wiped out, and despite the reasonable turnout at the duction of “Who Can I Blow?” Don’t miss next weeks profile members with previous caps for Surrey (not that I’m making Union’s Aqua-Tonic evening, the number of Sporting bods was minimal as Operatic Die Hard of the Bojanglez School of Blagging excuses) we rather nervously took up our allocated positions on the considering the dominant presence we usually provide on a Saturday evo. steps under the Spotlight; Mr. Benjamin “Boy” Davis. ATP. Not to put too fine a point on it, Pompie quickly took over the Furthermore, although we did it eventually, its a bloody pain in the arse to Dictionary Corner show. Although the ball occasionally ventured toward the Pompie fill the Surrey Pride pages when half of the weeks sporting activities have goal, our occupation with defending and severe lack of fitness been next to obliterated by the pissing rain. It may well be an inherently superstition (supe’stifen) n. irrational belief usually found- meant that we couldn’t quite follow suit. I wont actually dwell on British trait to bemoan the weather, but I’m sure the removal of sporting ed on ignorance or fear and characterised by obsessive rever- the match too much as most concerned would probably be happier rations rankles with our like minded individuals over the whole globe. ence for omens, charms etc. to forget it ever happened! However, it is fair too say that we superstition (supe’stifen) n. a notion, act, or ritual that improved in the second half only conceding three goals as opposed The coming week sees the visit of another convoy of visiting Uni’s to the derives from such belief. to four in the first. Varsity and Campusport as we once again defend the honour of the Surrey superstition (supe’stifen) n. any irrational belief, esp. with Pride and do battle with a legion of would be invaders. See ‘em off, lads regard to the unknown. On the positive side, everyone played to their ability and put in and lasses, racket or ball, kick their asses. Final mention, in the shortest superstition (supe’stifen) n. an apparently irrational, unfath- maximum effort at least preventing the score from reaching double Editorial to date due to the length of some of this weeks reports, has to go omable notion that a sporting superstition is in fact an adage figures. Despite the score we still made it up to the bar in numbers to BoyD and Shuffler Russel - give the poor girl a week off for goodness or motto along the lines of “He who dares, wins”, “Be A Part and a good time was had by all - anyone for Bunnies?! One last sake! of the Pride”, or “I’ll totally misunderstand the Profile ques- word to our goalie Jo - stop saying sorry, it’s not your fault. Better tion in order to confuse the living shit out of the Sports Editor luck next time, things can only get better! Lisa Holmes HAVE MERCY FOR SPORT, HAVE MERCY FOR THE SURREY when he types it up”. PRIDE ed981029.qxd 25/11/98 21:35 Page 12 (1,1)

Surrey Pride Surrey Badgered into a Dyer performance. University of Surrey 2 University of London 4 ollowing the rigours of cup and league Our second goal was the result of a disgrace- competition, Sunday granted an oppor- ful foul play leading to a Penalty Stroke. The Ftunity for a relaxing game. Originally Stroke was taken by Tom Hennan. Tom’s we had planned to play at 2PM, but late on attempt to keep off the score sheet was bet- Friday afternoon it occurred to me that I had tered only by the keeper. Adamant it not booked a pitch! Frantic phoning of the appeared, that he would be playing with the Varsity centre prior to our club "Mongolian third team next week, he succeeded in shep- evening" meant that we were able to secure a herding the ball towards the Goal. The result 4PM slot. of this head to head encounter, was that we had scored, however even the non-hockey On Sunday we were lucky enough to have a players who had braved the near Arctic con- day free from rain. However the day did not ditions, later lamented that the input of both start well. Following the cancellation of the parties involvement in the stroke, resulted in Surrey sport inter-club 100's night on Hockey being the real loser. Saturday, I was to find myself snoring by 9PM! I even missed Match of the Day The rest of this incident packed second half including the "Super Saints" victory over was memorable for the actions of Simon Coventry (Yes Tom I'm still waiting for the Dyer. Saving a certain goal, by dispatching Fiver). Due to my early retirement I was to the ball over his own back line (having spent 1998-1999 UniS Golf Squad–The Best of The Best find myself up bright and early on Sunday. If 5 years donning the Blue and Yellow that is only someone had bothered to tell me that the Surrey Hockey). He complained to the Clocks had changed. I did at least provide a Umpire, why had he awarded a short corner? SEVE GUIDES GOLF TEAM TO VICTORIES brief respite for the work force of Tesco, as I Later in the bar we explained to “Diet” that a banged on their revolving door seeking short corner was the correct outcome follow- he Best of the Best were back from Miramar are just the second team to do so in over 2½ years access, breaking the monotony of broken ing such an action. "Oh that’s OK then, I just and back in action to face Bournemouth two in BUSA) Seve was again on hand to aid the love eggs and leaking milk cartons. thought that the Umpire didn't like me!" Tweeks ago and Portsmouth last week. Rob struck captain in his choice of team. Same again Alter found the job of selecting the first team too then! It was time to assemble a team. The beauty Following this out of character Volley aimed taxing, so he consulted Ajay “Seve” Patel for of this fixture was that it would provide an at the Umpire, worse was to come as both the advice. After checking the Ryder Cup standings Books led the team out this time on a cold, rainy, opportunity for some of our graduates to play Badger and Simon Dyer decided that they and noting that none of them are at our University! windy and generally a shitty day. The Ginger Beast hockey. Following the committee's decision would mark the opposition's Centre forward Five men and a woman! were picked. dealt out a 4 & 2 beating to Portsmouth’s captain. to use these former Surrey stalwarts, in a (who had for the entire match been marked No surprise there then! Richard “Too long and bor- covering capacity only when we did not have superbly by the Badger), as apparently he Rob led the team against Bournemouth, winning ing nickname” Caldwell played number two and enough current students to fulfil a fixture. A bore a striking resemblance to their left his match 3 & 2 (finally a win for Rob! (Ajay)). managed to win on the last (Poor considering he decision not altogether welcomed by our winger (Dyer's man). Neil “Moisha” Summers followed next with a was using Seve’s magic clubs!). Rob played num- alumni. Unfortunately opportunities to superb 6 & 5 victory. Jamie “Brains” O’Doherty ber 3 and guess what? He lost! Played three against utilise my power of persuasion were sparse, This tactic of “double marking” proved played third and lost against Bournemouth’s num- Portsmouth in 3 years and still yet to win against as every member of the Hockey club I con- extremely successful in "snuffing out" the ber one player, just like the lamb to the slaughter! them! Such was his fury at losing to such a Joe tacted seemed to be out. Only Ramon was to centre forward's contribution to the attack. Richard “Walker, Curtis, Ryder, President’s, Hacker he over hit his final approach to the last succumb to the Russell appeal. Won over by NB as every Economist (even Sparkie Dunhill Cup” Caldwell playing in his first BUSA green into Ajay’s head! Thanks for the lump the cry "Now is the time Kato". Thompson) knows, assuming that both com- match as a fresher produced the team’s biggest win (Seve). As Seve skilfully wandered the course, he petitors, have the same initial endowment (11 of 8 & 7 (Well he was playing a blind man!) Mark came across Brains returning from dispatching his As the time reached 2:45 I was acutely aware players), if one competitor dedicates 2 “Ginga Books” Booker produced yet another win opponent 5 & 3. Neil won 6 & 4 in a boring match that I had only managed to secure the ser- resources to cancel out the productivity of for the golf team and is still undefeated in BUSA so we’re not going to talk about it! Alex halved her vices of 9 players but did have the use of an one unit of a competitor's, and that Ceteris competition. Alexandra Sutherland, the first girl to match. A great result for a woman in a man’s team umpire. I then realised that we had no kit. We Parabus holds (other things remaining con- play for our superior team (only because she is especially considering she was 2 down with 2 to were therefore to find ourselves wearing the stant) ie the opposition has not had any team going out with the Captain! (Ajay wrote this bit not play. The result then was 4½ - 1½ to us. ladies 2nd XI shirts. Some of our larger play- members sent off, then one unit is free to me!)) did not have a match as Bournemouth forgot ers (the fat fool and myself among the num- operate unchallenged. And so it was, as Dyer to bring a sixth player. The result was 5-1 to us. So A solid start to the season then for the Golf team. ber) were concerned that frames would not was engaged in marking the Centre Forward, a fine start to the season. Well done boys! We all hope that we can carry on these early suc- be accommodated. But we managed to the opposition's Winger was in “acres”. cesses and win BUSA for a second time in the last squeeze our ample torsos into our jerseys, Last week saw the Golf Team travel to Portsmouth 3 years. with the aid of shoe horns and lard. Seeing the left flank man in space, the centre to deliver another good kicking to an inferior team! by Rob and Ajay half pushed the ball through for the winger, (Although they did manage to beat us last year and On seeing our opposition warm up I was con- who having bisected the defence was now cerned that for a 2nd XI our opposition did bearing down “one on one” with Beaker. not look all that bad. Luckily I had managed Fortunately Beaker drew himself to his full Victory at Varsity, Tragedy at Bo’s to secure the services of an injured Sumo to height, utilising all of his colossal frame to take over the Umpiring duties, thus allowing save the day. The Beak then set about berat- Surrey 3rd Team 5-2 Southampton 3rd team our Dutch superstar to play. In all fairness ing the Badger for not marking his man. I Jan umpiring is tantamount to Newcastle was then forced to play the arbitrator, t was with trepidation that the third team er Robin, “Holy goal, Burman!” No surprises at placing the teenage Shearer in Goal during a instructing Beaker his anger was inappropri- stepped out on to the hallowed turf of fortress the third goal coming, but from Berry? We were trial. However my foresight was unlikely to ately directed, and that Badger had acted cor- IVarsity last Wednesday. With form lacking going to have him dope tested but there’s no doubt save our club £15 Million. Good fortune rectly. I informed an irate Badger he could due to an injury crisis and a squad system border- that he is. With the backline of Savoy Spencer, shined on us as Mikey P was “stood up” by seek an apology for the inaccuracy of the ing on gridiron standard, manager, ‘Paul Daniels’ Robin, Libero Silverfox‚ and Al Ramsay Street his sister? (must be a Midland thing) and we allegation being levelled at him, after the Burman, was forced to shuffle the pack once making it look too easy, the only surprise was were therefore able to field a team with four final whistle. again. After the defeat by Pompey the week when the Saints struck back, 3-2. But this was 1st XI players. before, after which we were informed that they only a glitch in an otherwise upward spiral as our All that was left in the action packed 2nd had been beaten by Southampton, this game was continental collective struck to seal the victory as We found ourselves 3-0 down at half time. half, was for Rob Rock to stifle the Right looking like a bridge too far. The game itself Sam and Paulo finished superbly after good build Their first goal came from a short corner as Wingers attempt to enter our "D", with an began quite evenly with Surrey showing the fight- up play. Special mention to Ryan ‘Tyler Junior’ Badger (our right post-man) deserted his unorthodox however extremely affective ing spirit that had got them a point on Saturday, Lamirand who worked tirelessly without the duties, like a “rat from a sinking ship” some "Tackle". Then for the Badger to save a cer- with MG (Mincing Great) Cush having so little to reward of a goal. observers were later to comment. Two more tain sixteen from a badly executed short cor- do in goal that his captain decided to give him goals were added, as we were to all intents ner ensuring that London would have anoth- some practice. With the victory behind us it was off to Bo’s, and purposes given the run-around. Half time er attempt. where your humble reporter witnessed a terrible saw our team talk, stressing the benefits of The total football midfield of Compensation, accident. A tidy bird, seemingly drunk on booze sticking to one man (Holly please take note). Thanks to all those who helped get this fix- Sting, Javi and Ring-a-ding Sam settled quickly, and confused by the lights, crashed into our Club ture played. The Varsity centre for their but it was the scummers that struck first, with a Chairman. Believing she had done some perma- The introduction of Rugby’s Chair Rob Rock adaptability, the Blonde Fist for the Ladies twenty-five yard free-kick that the wall did well to nent damage due to the worryingly vacant look on (where do I stand for this/what was that kit, Beaker and Kate for the use of phones, get out of the way of. 1-0 at half-time and the his face, she attempted to give him the kiss of life for/did I do anything wrong?), saw our Mark for Umpiring, Matthew for helping out thirds are getting that Leonardo DiCaprio/Gillian and walked him home, like all good Red Cross team's performance enhanced, as he gave us the opposition, Raymond for allowing me to Taylfroth (NO spelling mistake - Sports Ed!) feel- volunteers should. Surely thats the only explana- all a lesson in the true spirit of Surrey pride. bully him into playing, and the Badger's ing. tion, isn’t it? We managed through graft and commitment, “set” for spectating. Special thanks to Rob to win the 2nd half 2-1. following a sublime for helping out (if ever you get bored of The second-half was a different story, however, Last words to Conrad‚ “yes, it does feel good win- solo effort from Mikey. Receiving the ball on benching for the 1st XV we train on with Surrey getting a flyer thanks to a Sam head- ning again”, and to Chops Thomas, “I don’t think the left running through 5 players then fin- Tuesdays). Also my gratitude to Sparkie for er from a Javi free-kick in the first minute. Surrey you’re a jinx fella no matter what the rest of them ishing with an audacious reverse stick shot. his Econometrics input. then began to purr, like Cush’s motor. The second say!” was only a matter of time, this one from a corner Derek Duvall. expertly put away by our very own caned crusad- Silverfox