August 2018

 Saturday 11th August 2.00pm Moordown  Wednesday 22nd August 7.30pm Community Centre, Coronation Avenue Green House Hotel, Grove Road, BH1 3AX BH9 1TW Death Café The Big Change in At a Death Café people Religion and Belief gather to eat cake, drink tea or coffee and discuss A talk by Jeremy Rodell death. The objective of a Britain is currently going Death Café is 'to increase awareness of through what’s been death with a view to helping people make called the biggest change the most of their finite lives’. It’s a group- in religion and belief directed discussion of death with no set landscape since the agenda. It’s a discussion group not a grief Reformation, 500 years support or counselling session. Death Café ago. But what's really going on? It’s a lot aims to be accessible, respectful and more complex than simply a decline in confidential with no intention of leading organised religion and an increase in those people to any particular conclusion or who have no religion. Some faith groups are course of action. themselves growing. And what do we mean Web designer Jon Underwood from by ‘non-religious’ anyway? Or ‘religious’ for Hackney, East London, founded Death Café that matter? What might humanists do to in 2011. He died in 2017 at the age of 44. play a constructive role in making this great The Death Café model was developed by social change work for everyone? Jeremy Jon Underwood and Sue Barsky Reid, Rodell is Humanists UK’s volunteer based on the ideas of Swiss sociologist Dialogue Officer and a former Trustee. Bernard Crettaz. “When people sit down to talk about death, the pretence falls away, and people talk Congratulations! very openly and authentically. And they say Huge congratulations things in front of strangers which are really to Simon Whitlock profound and beautiful.” Jon Underwood and Josie Butcher on Dorset Humanists’ Death Café will be their engagement. facilitated by David Warden who is Chair of Simon is a former Dorset Humanists. David is currently Treasurer of Dorset studying for a diploma in humanistic Humanists and Josie counselling and psychotherapy. is our Librarian.

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dorsethumanists.co.uk @dorsethumanists Dorset Humanists meetup.com/Dorset-Humanists  Thursday 2nd August 7.30pm and every or make a coherent strategy impossible? first Thursday evening of the month at Moon Are the secondary schools and universities in the Square, Exeter Rd, BH2 5AQ able to ensure that talent is identified and nurtured across the whole nation for our Pub socials future prosperity or are current trends repressing the creativity, dynamism, and Enjoy stimulating conversation individuality necessary for a modern over a drink or two at our pub economy? social evening. Look out for the Dorset John Hubbard has taught English in both Humanists signs on the table. We warmly private and state schools in Dorset. Now welcome regulars and newcomers. retired, he teaches English and Drama in a  Dean 07713 858773 voluntary capacity for the University of the Third Age (U3A) in Bournemouth. Each talk is around 20 minutes followed by Sunday Walks questions and discussion. See Meetup for Sunday 19th August – Hardy’s further details. Cottage and Puddletown Calling budding speakers! Do you have a Forest. As promised, to those who came on short talk up your sleeve? Contact Phil this fine walk in the winter time, here is a Butcher if you would like to discuss your chance to repeat it in summer and see how idea for a short talk. the forest and heath have changed. It has been a good season for butterflies so we’re  [email protected] hopeful for a lot of interesting sightings. Bring David Attenborough's "Big Butterfly  Friday 17th August Count" spotting chart! (... even though we 7.00pm Middle Chine will be a few days late to submit it.) Beach Barbecue All walks are between about 6 and 9 miles and usually have an optional short cut. & Fireworks Please check Meetup for further details and Join us for a fun evening on any l ast minute cancellations due to weather conditions. Phil  07817 260498 the beach with pier fireworks at 10pm. Bring your own food and bits to share. Dean will sizzle your bits. Short Talks  Tuesday 21st August 7.30pm Green House Hotel, Future dates for your diary… Grove Road, BH1 3AX. £2.00-3.00 donation  Saturday 8th September 2.00pm requested. Moordown Education and Inequality Democracy, Devolution and Two talks by John Hubbard and Lucy : Has Northern Jenkins. Ireland been left behind? Inequality is increasing in the UK and many A talk by Northern Ireland Humanists people are asking ‘What can be done about Development Officer Boyd Sleator. Boyd it?’. John Hubbard will ask whether it is will be discussing how part of the UK has possible to reduce inequality and to what been left behind when it comes to human extent education is a contributing factor. Do rights and equality. Northern Ireland is our current structures and systems probably the most conservative part of the perpetuate privilege from one generation to UK, and even though it has a devolved the next and do recent changes help those government, that does not stop it being keen to develop true equality of opportunity

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dorsethumanists.co.uk @dorsethumanists Dorset Humanists meetup.com/Dorset-Humanists Dorset Humanists under jurisdiction of Westminster. For the last 50 years, women in the rest of the UK have had access to abortion health Life School care, yet today in Northern Ireland, women are still being prosecuted for obtaining Dorset Humanists Life School runs a variety abortion pills. Scotland, England, Wales and of self-development courses focusing on the Republic of Ireland have all allowed for how we can live good and fulfilling lives. same-sex couples to marry, yet in Northern Course attendees will be invited to study Ireland, where the vast majority of people and critically reflect on the best scientific and most Members of the Northern Ireland and philosophical resources available. A Assembly are in favour of same-sex great way to meet people and develop marriage, the conservative Christian friendships. ‘Life School’ continues this politicians block it. Boyd will talk about what autumn with an exciting new series: Northern Ireland Humanists, with the help of Humanists UK, are doing to drag this small The Existentialism Course part of the UK into the 21st century. How to Love Your Life and Live  Wednesday 26th September 7.30pm Every Day as if it were your Last Green House The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote Evolution and Ethics that if you do not wish to re-live every day of your life over and over again then you’re not Where does morality come from? Homo doing it right. This is perhaps the greatest sapiens has existed for about 200,000 challenge of existentialism: to live each day years, but only for about 10,000 years in like that. But is this possible or even civilised society. The rest of the time we desirable? This course will draw on the existed as hunter gatherers, and the writings of philosophers Julian Baggini and species from which we evolved were also Gary Cox, both of whom have given talks to hunter gatherers. Evolutionary Dorset Humanists. It will also draw on the characteristics, including ethics, are likely to philosophical work of Don Cupitt and Terry have been formed long before the rise of Eagleton and a range of existential civilisation. Some patterns of behaviour are psychotherapies including the work of Dutch inherited in societies but a large amount of therapist Emmy Van Deurzen. experimental data has now shown that perhaps more than 80 per cent of our basic This course runs for six consecutive behaviour patterns are controlled by our Mondays from Monday 1st October to genes. Monday 5th November 7.30-9.15pm. All at Moordown Community Centre. Greg Atkins was a Professor of Science (Virology) at Trinity College Dublin until he A £15 non-refundable deposit secures your retired and a founder member of the place on the course (£10 for members) and Humanist Association of Ireland. there’s nothing more to pay, except for refreshments during the break. Other events of interest… The course facilitator is David Warden, th Chair of Dorset Humanists. Contact details  Wednesday 8 August 7.30pm are below. Book now - limited spaces. Skeptics in the Pub at Brunswick Pub, 199 Malmesbury Park Rd, BH8 8PX. £3  Feedback from our ‘Happiness Course’: “I hope you will do the course again in some Stories from the Frontline of format as it was life-changing.” Amy the Future “Very well run course, extensively prepared …with writer, entrepreneur, broadcaster, and researched, professionally presented.” and futurologist Mark Stevenson. Paul

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dorsethumanists.co.uk @dorsethumanists Dorset Humanists meetup.com/Dorset-Humanists Dorset Humanists at Bourne Free Dorset Humanists was cheered by thousands as we marched in Bournemouth’s diversity extravaganza. This year saw some first-timers brave their first Pride march and they were pleasantly surprised at how uplifting the experience can be. Dorset Humanists supports LGBT equality along with Dorset Fire and Rescue, Dorset Police, the RNLI, South Western Ambulance Service, the NHS, Bournemouth hotels, the Quakers, the Inclusive Community Church, Lloyds Bank, Barclays Bank, Nationwide Building Society, Rainbow warriors Aaron and Lyn Macmillan Cancer Support, Siemens, their own happens to be. Humanists UK, Bournemouth Council, and As well as doing something worthwhile it's many more organisations that were in the great to see Bournemouth town centre Bourne Free parade. Dorset Humanists is looking so colourful! the only group which draws attention to some of the shocking statistics both in the From Frances Usher UK and worldwide which convey the fact that the struggle for LGBT human rights is This was the first time I’d taken part, and it far from over. We can be rightly proud of was nothing like I’d expected. What was this year’s Human Rights Champions that? I don’t remember; expectations were Carolyn Gardiner, Frances Usher, Huw swept away as soon as I arrived. There was Griffiths and Michelle, Dave Elleman, Sally a rainbow-covered fire engine in the Hawksworth, Deborah Coveney, David Square, and chunky, smiling firemen with Warden, Sophie, Stu Miller, and garlands round their necks. From then on, cheerleader extraordinaire Aaron that whole morning, the tone was set. So Darkwood. Chris Geake and Bryan from many people, so many rainbow flags, so LGBT Humanists also joined us on the much clapping and waving and cheering. It march having travelled from London and seemed the parade no longer needed to Brighton to be with us. Dean Robertson ran convince spectators of anything. They knew ahead to take the photos (now on our already, they were happy to include us and Facebook page). A big thanks also to we could celebrate together. It was a hot Daniel Dancey, Ronnie Barr, Lyn Glass, day and I was weary by the end. But so David and Elaine Stott, Adam Stoddart, glad to have been there, so glad to see the Marbellys Bayne-Azcarate, Mike Forte, and unbelievable change there’s been in my Phil Butcher who helped out in various ways lifetime. We must never let it go. with our fabulously adorned Humanist tent From Aaron Darkwood in the Lower Gardens where we interacted with zillions of passers-by. As we walked along Bourne Avenue and neared Tesco metro in the Square we were From Dave Elleman cheered by thousands of people. The This was the first time I've joined DH in the energy, the volume, the number of people and it was really good fun. I there was overwhelming. For those had an enjoyable day and I recommend moments it must be what a pop star feels coming along to future years' Pride like, or footballers entering a stadium. celebrations to all our members, whatever Thousands of people, and they are all cheering us, Dorset Humanists. Our

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dorsethumanists.co.uk @dorsethumanists Dorset Humanists meetup.com/Dorset-Humanists placards gained a lot of support, agreement He recalls a talk at school hearing a talk and respect, and that moment in time about AIDS and felt that ‘they are talking mattered. If you weren't there, you missed about me in disgust’. Things got a little out on a truly special moment. As one of the easier when TV soaps like Eastenders biggest groups in the UK with 150+ featured couples like Barry and Colin. members I'm sure we can field more than Hard to believe now but at school Aaron ten of us next time. Please, please make was a quiet person and subjected to the effort to give us 90 minutes of your time bullying. He was pushed up against lockers next July. You won't regret it. and jostled every morning. At break time he  Dorset Humanists is a partner of the hid himself away in the library. Dorset LGB&T Equality Network and of He eventually came out of the closet when Humanists UK LGBT section. he discovered Star Trek roleplay and he was accepted by the group of people he met through this pursuit. He also enjoyed Pride & Airsoft (a military simulation sport where Following our appearance at players participate in mock combat) and the Bourne Free Festival, three found that younger people accepted him. of our members from different generations He held hands with another man once for gave personal and highly moving talks on three minutes. their experiences of being gay and/or trans. In the 1990s he suffered more homophobic Frances Usher was born attacks. Someone on a motorbike tried to just six weeks into the run him over, he was hit by branches, Second World War. When someone held a knife to his throat, and a she grew up she became mob held him underwater. In 1998 he took a librarian and was acutely an over dose. aware of censorship. He found acceptance by joining a gay There was a ‘special outdoor club. He went clubbing in his 30s section in the library and and fancy dress helped him to get attention. Frances ‘read them all’! Police did routine At work he was fortunate to have a toilet duty to prevent ‘gross indecency’. manager who was gay. But depression Those convicted simply vanished and were started to build and he took another not spoken about. Male was overdose in 2008. Like the star of the TV represented by comedians such as Kenneth series Cucumber he was phobic about anal Williams and Frankie Howerd. Frances sex and therefore avoided gay relationships hated the L word and thought that her and chased straight men instead. feelings would ‘settle down’. Everything Moving to Bournemouth he found changed when she joined Lee Abbey acceptance in Dorset Humanists but the Christian Community in Devon. This turned stress of a period of homelessness in 2017 her life upside down and changed her in led to another overdose. every way. It was there that she met Angela Joynson and they have been together for 44 Aaron said that years of torment from years. Frances was struck by the ‘colossal external threats both real and anticipated change’ represented by Bourne Free have resulted in decreased self-esteem, festival and she will never forget taking part. anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and confidence, trust and intimacy issues. The Aaron Darkwood knew he was different knock on consequences include unfulfilled right from the start. He grew up in the era of career aspirations (Navy), relationships that Boy George when the words ‘poof’ and never really went anywhere, lateness in ’ were bandied about. It was ‘us’ and starting a mortgage which he subsequently ‘them’ and Aaron knew he was more drawn lost, repeated life mistakes due to lack of to ‘them’ (which included the milkman!). confidence, social anxiety and egotistical narcissism traits. In general, his early experiences have left him ‘a bit fucked up’.

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dorsethumanists.co.uk @dorsethumanists Dorset Humanists meetup.com/Dorset-Humanists Ronnie Barr (left) is a gay I was supposed to be butch twenty years old and and proceeded to keep my appearance as identifies as gay and masculine as possible. Though I had very . In his talk he supportive friends I began getting tormented said: “I’ve spent a long by girls in other year groups. Every day girls time trying desperately to would lean over, whisper the word ‘’ avoid the prejudice and in my ear, and walk off. It got so bad that I hate that comes hand in was scared to be alone and the teachers hand with being openly decided to employ my friends as body gay or Trans. guards. The teasing eventually lessened with my friends supporting me but I still felt At school I hung out with the boys and strange. I was okay with my sexuality by shunned the girls. I thought girls and their this point but I still felt that there was a insistence on playing housewives and piece of the puzzle missing. Being trading make-up tips was the most pointless masculine had always felt right to me. I thing imaginable. I found myself torn didn’t like shaving, I preferred my hair short, between stopping the girls from trying to set and all the clothes I liked came from the me up with boys and insisting to bullies that men’s section. I had no interest in having I wasn’t a lesbian. I hadn’t yet hit puberty, I curves or large breasts. Everything about had no interest in kissing or dating when I being a girl felt wrong. I wanted biceps and was sat at home reading. I wasn’t interested abs and a soul patch on my chin (a small in having relationships yet, and as I once tuft of facial hair directly below a man's told my family, if I ever did hit puberty I’d lower lip). I wanted to go out topless in the chop my boobs off. But every day was summer and not have a chest poking out, I torture for me. I’d come into school, try and wanted to rock up to prom in a nice suit with focus on my lessons, and fail to avoid the a matching tie. consistent stream of taunts and questions about my sexuality and non-existent love I know now that I made the biggest mistake life. By my final year of middle school the of my life: knowing I wanted to transition but boys were actively trying to avoid me, the refusing to face it, to figure out what I teachers signed me up to a programme to wanted, what I needed to do. I was getting boost girls’ confidence by giving them support from my local LGBT group Space makeovers and styling their hair, and I got but another year and a half passed and I accepted into an all-girls grammar school. was still figuring out what it was I wanted. I seemed insistent on making myself Before the end of the first term I got miserable, on putting anything and anyone diagnosed with depression. I was in my else first so long as it meant avoiding my dream school but I was miserable. All the gender. And then I finally stopped hiding teasing and probing had taken its toll on and I started living. me, I spent most nights crying myself to sleep and failing to avoid thinking about It took roughly another year to figure out suicide. I was only 12. Every day I came what I needed to do. I finally started to put into school in my baggy trousers and plain myself and my wellbeing first. I joined attire, surrounded by girls in hiked-up skirts Communi-T, a trans group for people over and adorned in as much makeup and 18, and started getting actively involved. I jewellery as the dress code allowed. I felt tried out different names, eventually like I’d stepped onto an alien planet. As my deciding on Ronald Alistair Barr, more often friends began their journeys to becoming known as Ronnie, after my granddad Ron young ladies I struggled to maintain my Barr. I tried different pronouns as I identity. Seeing my body develop and transitioned, starting off as non-binary change left me feeling physically and they/them before eventually admitting I’m mentally sick. simply male and he/him. I started to cut my By the start of my second year I conceded I hair again, gradually getting shorter. The was gay but refused to acknowledge that I muscular male physique I had thought was transgender. Instead I decided that as about was nothing like my scrawny body but

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dorsethumanists.co.uk @dorsethumanists Dorset Humanists meetup.com/Dorset-Humanists I could take up the sports I loved and try Catherine painted a vivid picture of and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I’d never be Christian fanatics bursting into a pagan able to get the facial hair I wanted on my festival, smashing musical instruments and own but with some luck going on hormones idols, dragging people into the streets and would change that, and hopefully it would blinding them with acid. Their infamous cry also change my voice that I absolutely hate. was laus deo! (praise the Lord!). I’ve had many people cut me out of their When Constantine converted to Christianity lives because they refuse to believe I’m a around the year 312 less than ten per cent man, some people refuse to answer my of the population under Roman jurisdiction messages and some block me on social was Christian. Over the course of the media. Some people still try to keep me in following century, sixty million people were their lives but refuse to acknowledge what forcibly converted to Christianity. ‘Pagan’ I’m doing. Some people insist on sending temples (more accurately, polytheist me information about how harmful temples) were attacked, idols were transitioning gender is and how it’s a mental smashed and melted down, and statues disorder. But for all the problems I’m were decapitated. It is thought that the encountering I do seem to be on track for Parthenon marbles were mauled by the life I want, the life I need to live. I’m well Christians and in 385 the colossal statue of on my way to finally being the man I am Athena in Palmyra was decapitated and inside and no one can take that away from delimbed. The beautiful statues in the me. Temple of Serapis in Alexandria were similarly razed to the ground. The Christians

of course described themselves as The Christian liberators, not vandals. One of the most shocking murders carried Destruction of the out by Christians was of the brilliant female mathematician and astronomer Hypatia in Classical World 415. Christians thought that mathematical symbols and the astrolabe were instruments Journalist and prize- of the Devil. They stripped and flayed her, winning author gouged out her eyes and burnt her, finally Catherine Nixey dragging her remains around and putting gave us a her on to a rubbish dump as a warning to spellbinding talk at others. the Green House Hotel about her book Ninety per cent of classical literature was ‘The Darkening Age’. lost – the classical world was being erased. Was this the triumph of Christianity? Catherine told us Catherine reminded us that the word that she grew up ‘triumph’ means a military victory. believing in the Hollywood version of  Reviews of Nixey’s book are strongly history in which poor polarised. Tim Whitmarsh review is here. Christians were persecuted by nasty See our Facebook page for more debate. Romans usually played by Peter Ustinov. She said ‘I was wrong’. Christians were not eaten by lions and there were only thirteen Could you be a schools years of imperial persecution or more likely prosecution of Christians. Christians speaker? committed suicide in vast numbers because Humanists UK will be running a schools they wanted to be martyrs, believing that in speaker training course for us on Saturday death they would be rewarded a 29th September. Please email David on hundredfold. Everyone was terrified of this [email protected] for more ‘death sect’. details.

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dorsethumanists.co.uk @dorsethumanists Dorset Humanists meetup.com/Dorset-Humanists Dorset Humanists Chairman’s View August 2018

t the end of July I had the privilege of delivering a training course at for the South Central England Humanists Network on how to lead and manage a Ahumanist group. Phil Butcher supported me with a short presentation on our monthly walks and innovative Short Talks programme. Ten people attended from Basingstoke Humanists, South Hants Humanists, Brighton Humanists, Guildford & Woking Humanists, and Horsham/Chichester Humanists. Preparing the course stimulated much thought and reflection and on the day itself I was buoyed up by participants’ enthusiasm and motivation to develop and build their humanist groups. This kind of regional networking, cross-fertilisation of ideas, and mutual support is long overdue and I am grateful in particular to David Brittain, chair of the Network, for his energy and commitment in getting it off the ground. The Network has already succeeded in planting a new group in Portsmouth. ome people have asked me what existentialism means – the subject of our autumn S ‘Life School’ evening course. If you’re not familiar with it, don’t be put off by the word. The original works of existential philosophers can be difficult and opaque but this course will strip things back to some of their essential ideas and how they can be of practical use in our lives. Existentialism, as Jean-Paul Sartre claimed, is a type of humanism. It focuses on how we should live our lives in the face of uncertainty, responsibility, freedom, and mortality. Existentialist ideas have been taken up by a range of contemporary existentialist-humanistic psychotherapists such as Emmy Van Deurzen who seek to help clients find meaning and passion in their lives. If you would like to come on the course you might like to obtain a copy of Gary Cox’s book ‘How to Be an Existentialist: Or How to Get Real, Get a Grip and Stop Making Excuses’ for some summer pre-course reading. have been very fortunate in having experienced very little over the last I thirty years. I’m well aware, however, that far too many people still face opposition, denial, lack of understanding, lack of support, and outright physical attacks. People shouldn’t have to ‘come out’ of any closets. Difference, not conformity, should be the norm. Does Bourne Free help or hinder the cause? Those who join us just have a good time being entertained by human diversity in all its exuberance and quirkiness. David Warden

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