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Issue 944 - Weekly Thursday October 15 1998 Demonstrators Gather To Kosovo Crisis: Reclaim (e)XFM

On Saturday 10th October, They think it’s all over... Leicester Square was the venue for the first rally against the new Capital Radio owned XFM. Gathering just outside Capital Radio’s building the 300 strong crowd, the majority under 25, chanted slogans, sang newly writ- ten protest songs, and waved banners in response to the radical changes that have recently been imple- mented at the station once calling itself “London’s Only Alternative”. At the end of the demonstration newly signed indie band The Llama Farmers delivered a petition with protest organisers to Capital. The Bilateral meeting between US Special Envoy, Mr. Richard Holbrooke (left) and NATO Secretary General, Dr. Javier Solana (right), at NATO HQ Brussels, concerning the situation in Kosovo. large police presence did not interfere, except to request less swearing in the chants (result- Photo courtesy of Nato photos ing in Bob Geldof being described as a “banker” a “tanker” and an “anchor”). The demonstration The World press is currently reporting on by Tom Sherwen came about as part the agreement to end the Kosovo crisis of a possibly long worked out between US Ambassador negotiating table. This risked the build up running campaign Designate to the United Nations, Richard of a reputation similar to that of the UN who to return XFM back Holbrooke and Yugoslav President have repeatedly issued empty threats to to the audience it Slobodan Milosevic. Holbrooke, having Milosevic. Nato must now be persuaded, by was intended for. spent endless hours negotiating with Milosevic, not to act otherwise the military Having finally been Milosevic over the Dayton Peace Accord, will go ahead with a strategic bombing cam- granted a license used to resolve the Bosnian crisis, has seem- paign of Serbian communications, air last year XFM ingly come up with the goods once again. defenses, and military stores. For Milosevic broadcast to to convince the negotiators to reverse the London and sur- It is however too early to rule out the use of Act Order he must guarantee four steps: rounding areas with military action by Nato. President withdraw his special forces from Kosovo, it’s unique style of Milosevic has once again given his word allow 2000 Nato implementation inspectors the DJs choosing although this time Nato have decided that into the area, allow the countless number of all the records they this does not represent a guarantee. Nato refugees, currently in hiding, back to their played and, even more crucially, playing new unsigned bands and those on small indepen- and Holbrooke have negotiated with the homes and guarantee the development of dent labels. Although consistently building on Yugoslav President enough to know that Kosovan autonomy. by Andrew Thomas listening figures month by month XFM was in words are often empty and promises broken. financial trouble and eventually was sold to Capital Radio a few months ago. Although It was therefore decided by the Nato coun- If these conditions are not adhered to then Capital promised that nothing would change, soon after the take-over most of the DJs were tries to go ahead with the next stage in a mil- the attack will go ahead. The Nato decision replaced and a playlist was installed, effectively banning DJ choice in what was played and itary build up. Nato had already informed is without the backing of the UN and in par- closing the doors on bands without large record deals. its military that it should be prepared to act ticular is strongly opposed by Russia. and on Monday night it moved on to stage The public figure leading two; that of ordering the military to go Russia has a strong historical link with the the “new” XFM is Bob ahead with the attack. This order was Serbs and does not believe that Nato should Geldof, who by his own accepted with the proviso that all action was attack. Kosovo is an internal province of an admission is out of touch on hold for 96 hours. Negotiations are independent country and the crisis is there- and a hopeless DJ. This therefore continuing throughout the week in fore regarded by opponents to the military demonstration is expected to an attempt to convince Nato member coun- solution an internal matter. Nato felt that be the first of many. tries that Milosevic is sincere about his any request to the UN, the proper channel intentions. with which to formulate this type of policy, On Tuesday October 13th would be immediately blocked by Russia. the Radio Authority fined The order to go ahead with an attack repre- Nato instead believed that the crisis gave Capital £4,000 for breach of sents the first time that Milosevic has been sufficient basis to, and merited making a their license agreement. given a definite time frame within which to decision independently of the UN. This action is considered to negotiate. The change has taken away the be not nearly enough by decision by Nato of whether to use military Milosevic must now honour his commitments most campaigners. force or persist in plugging away at the by Friday if air strikes are to be averted. News 1/2 n Letters 2 n Union 3 n Features n Music 5/6 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Advice 8 n Notices & Personals & Crossword 9 n Reviews 10 n Surrey Pride 11/12 ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:37 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Thursday 15th October1998 n Editorial Letters News in Brief

Dear Editor £2800,000 For Rushdie’s Head I have just heard on Like many others, I was shocked to hear that Alison The Iranian Government has recently relinquished it’s pursuit the news that 25 Limerick and Bandwere were cancelling their gig at the of Salman Rushdie’s murder. However a religious foundation English football hooli- Union this Friday simply because the drummer had been has just reiterated its commitment to the fatwa against the gans (I refuse to call hurt in a car crash. Surely Alison would be able to come writer of The Satanic Verses. It has backed up the pledge by them fans) have been along, sacrifice integrity, do a Personal Appearance, and adding another 300,000 to its existing £2.5 million bounty arrested and deported mime a few songs to a backing tape without the need of her “This increase is aimed at encouraging the carrying out of the for drunken behaviour drummer for the same entrance fee? fatwa,” said chief of the Khordad-15 Foundation, Ayatollah in Belgium, my home After all, it worked for Ultra Nate. Hassan Sanei. country. I cannot help L. The British author has been guarded night and day by Special but relate this to the Branch since 1989, when Muslim leaders declared his work recent criticism of blasphemous and demanded his death. Iran has officially football behaviour on Dear Editor, stopped sanctioning attempts on Rushdie’s life. However 150 the pitch as well as out of 270 Iranian MP’s have signed a petition supporting the off. In reply to Julia P's letter last week regarding "the terrible death threat. An extreme Muslim student group has also put up a £333,000 Tom Sherwen- Editor twosome" - I would like to point out that discrimination of any kind is a disciplinary offense in the Union building. At reward for the writers head. Frances D’Souzza, head of As agreed in issue 943 by both Jon-Paul Samuels, USFC each bar you will see a blue notice outlining exactly what I Article 19 the human right group leading the fight against the Vice-Chairman and Paul Cliff our very own Sports editor, mean. If anyone feels they have been treated unfairly in the fatwa said that no religious organisation could operate with- football seems to have a real problem at the moment. A lack Union, then they should report this to the nearest security out state permission. The foreign office issued a statement, saying that the of discipline on the pitch can only set the worst kind of exam- steward. If you would prefer to deal with a member of staff, Foundations announcement made no difference to Anglo- ple for the many loyal and even fanatical supporters of the you may speak to the House Officer on duty. You can also Iranian diplomatic relations. Salman Rushdie will discuss the financially dominated English teams. What I do not under- choose to speak to a sabbatical officer, myself or the gener- matter in a meeting Foreign Secretary Robin Cook shortly. stand is why the supporters remain so loyal or vocal. al manager. All problems of this nature are dealt with The Premier League has long since turned into a rich mans promptly and discreetly. To the "terrible twosome" I would club and the players salaries are generous in the extreme. say this - what is the funnier, somebody's sexuality, or being Public ‘misled over BSE’ Now even though I admit that I am not the greatest fan of banned from the union for the rest of the year? Sir Kenneth Calman, once Chief Medical Officer has told an football it would seem to be quite natural for a player earning inquiry into BSE that the truth about the disease was con- £20,000 a week to play their favourite sport that they might, Alan D. Roy cealed for 5 years. just might want to demonstrate to the outside world that they The ex government official said that it was not until 1995 that are worth it. In the Premiership the fantastic ability of the he discovered abattoirs were not taking adequate precautions home born players (the few that remain) sometimes astounds FNO Alternative to prevent BSE getting into human’s food. me. What therefore makes them become completely incom- He explained how he argued with press officers over the petent at International level? Last Friday Night Out (Week 5) saw the first appearance this year of No Wave in the Helyn Rose Bar. It was free to wording of public announcements, wanting the public to be The behaviour of the manager is no less disturbing. The told the full story. get in with a ticket for the FNO and offered an alternative to betrayal of confidence of his players through the publication The inquiry was set up by the Labour government. after 27 the upstairs music all night. The No Wave Alternative of his world cup diary shows a complete lack of respect for people had been diagnosed as having CJD the human form of Music Society decided to make the night a showcase (as his job. Ruling out certain players no matter what their form BSE. To date in an effort to eradicate the threat over a million best possible) of the things to come for the year, and the is just plain stubbornness and picking a group of individual cows have been culled. response was brilliant. geniuses to manage a draw against a team of forty year old In a separate interview Agriculture Minister Nick Brown defenders was a remarkable feat. If by the time you read this spoke of how the farming industry has been calling for gov- England have beaten Luxembourg by a few goals as expected Earlier in the same week No Wave had a pre-AGM meeting ernment help. The industry has been hit hard by the Beef cri- then don’t kid yourself, drastic change is still needed at all to discuss positions for people in the society. With plans for sis and high interest rates. He said “Farmers have made a very levels of the game. If England drew or lost then I don’t think expanding and offering a lot more nights by No Wave in the persuasive case for further assistance. That is being examined even Eileen will keep faith in Hoddle. Union and Guildford, the society needed a lot of interested within the Government now.” people who wanted to help out. The response was impres- This editorial returns after a short absence. It would be nice sive and No Wave is now ready for the Annual General Chinese Sweet & Sour About British to tell you that it was due to an overflow of articles and con- Meeting this Thursday 15th (Week 6) at 7.30pm in the tributions. Sadly I can’t. Thank you to all those who have Grant Mitchell room. Nosh helped me to reach virtually the mid point of the semester Chinese officials were given samples of British cuisine at a without major mishaps. This week I would like to thank Nick At this meeting the committee for No Wave will be voted in reception in Shanghai this week. Tony Blair, visiting China Walsh, Daniel Jones, John Dear, James Buller, Ellen Van and the budget proposals can begin. No Wave plans to sup- said “In the modern Britain we have a lot to offer in the way Keulen, Pravin Jeyaraj, Steven Alexander, Paul Cliff and the port student bands and DJ’s in the University to play on and of food,” Meanwhile hundreds of guests tucked into smoked Sports Mafia and Andrew Thomas and his entire music team. off campus and also hopes to extend its promotions and Scottish venison and duck as well as lentil and parsnip pie Star young chef Nick Nairn cooked up the “flavour of gigs. Anyone who is interested in any alternative music not Britain” after being specially flown out for the event. played in the Union should come along to the AGM and Apparently the Chinese loved the food, but mayor of find out more about what No Wave is doing to improve Shanghai Xur Kuangdi said he would have preferred more music in Surrey. traditional grub. “As a poor, visiting scholar to Britain in the Samad Masood 1980s, I fell in love with the fish and chips of Northern “Virus” Correction Ireland. he said. £500,000 Million Pounds Cocaine Haul Last weeks front page virus warning was in fact a hoax. As Arts Editor Daniel Jones A stash of cocaine has been found on board a ship at editor I take complete responsibility for falling for this and Sheerness. Customs and Excise said that the drug would have apologise to all those who worried unnecessarily. The hoax been worth more than £500,000 if sold to addicts. The drugs virus warning is in itself a virus and I am grateful to all were found in the engine room of the boat which had come those who put me straight and especially Lyndon Hill for from Columbia, via Turkey. clarifying the situation in the following fashion. ([email protected]) Labour MEP slates Blair This type of hoax is also called an "email virus". This is because one person sends the panic message (requesting it New Labour and Tony Blair have come under fire from a to be sent to as many people as possible). Anyone receving Labour MEP. Member of the European Parliament for North East London, Alf Lomas has criticised the procedures for it sends it to as many people as they know who send it to as selecting candidates for the next European elections. He say many people etc etc. This way the "virus" is spread. This they deny constituency parties a say. He claims candidates, eats up space on the communication cables that carry mes- approved by New Labour are chosen despite the views of sages across the Internet and slows everything down. local party members. He also said Tony Blair had turned away (The message is the virus). from socialist concerns about pensioners and the unem- ployed. You can normally identify this type of virus by: Unfortunately for Mr Lomas, his statement came as the a. requests to send to as many people as possible Government announced money to help 10 million pensioners b. excessive use of punctuation and capital letters pay their fuel bills during the winter. About 1.5 million will c. use of big name companies who aren't actually in the receive a one off £50 bonus to their social security cheque next business of sending out virus warnings month. Next January 8.5 million people will get further benefits. ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:37 Page 3 (1,1)

Thursday 15th October1998 Union + 3 To a Friend Unplugged

Last week the University The committee had been installed, the crowd were wet with sadly lost one of its most anticipation and the bands were eager to please, and boy promising young talents they did. This was of course the latest Unplugged venture when 21yr old, chemistry and, even if I do say so myself, it was bloody good. Coy student, Ben Gellatly died headlined the night and were preceded by Defunct, both while on placement in were cracking. A fella from Redwood showed up, asked if Switzerland. Ben will be he could play and opened the night with a couple of new remembered by lots of acoustic tracks. Anyone who wants to turn up and entertain people for a lot of different us with a couple of songs is more than welcome, all that we reasons and was the inspi- ask is that if you want to perform be in the Helyn Rose bar rational bass player of last by 7pm on an event night. years most popular student band, Calling Orson. For The Joyce Gang is an Anglo/Irish roots band based in Mugenkyo - Taiko Drum all those who feel they may England. In five short years they have established a fine need advice and support the reputation throughout our fair Isles, through stirring live Performance. following people may be performances, excellent recordings and regular local and Mugenkyo is Europe’s first and only professional Taiko contacted: national airplay, taking audiences by storm at festivals from Drum group. Sidmouth to Edinburgh and at venues from from Derry to They have been described as “energetic and powerful” by The Chaplains ext 2754 the Mean Fiddler in London. The songs and tunes in the Rhythm Magazine, “highly visual...spectacular” by Time extensive repertoire are all self-penned and draw on a dizzy- Out.Taiko drumming has been used for over a thousand The Counselling service through the ing variety of styles from traditional Irish to modern Jazz, years to celebrate Japanese village festivals, sound the rice Health Centre ext. . 9051 covering most musical genres in between, all blended to planting season, drum up a storm in a call for rain, beat off create the distinctive and uplifting sound that is unique to famine and plague and for ceremonies in temples and The Student Union President and Student Affairs Officer the Joyce Gang. Helyn Rose Bar TUESDAY WEEK 7 shrines.Taiko has recently become an exciting form of ext. 9227/9228 Doors Open at 8pm. visual art and Mugenkyo is Europe’s first and only profes- “To a Friend” Nightline sional Taiko group. “How many special people change, how many lives are living strange, FREE CONDOMS !!! They will be performing at: where were you when we were getting high?…” PERSONAL ATTACK ALARMS £1 Wednesday 21st October Rhoda McGaw Theatre, Woking (01483 761144) Ben means many things to many people. The number of his Need the Pizza+ number? Friday 23rd October Dorking Grand Hall, Dorking, friends who have sent tributes this week, quite literally from Too much work? (01306 881717) all over the world, says more than can be said in these few Personal problems? words. Ben was truly a friend for all occasions and was as Want a mini cab? Oh no it’s Batman Silly spot! Just feel like a chat? sensitive and supportive as he was fun loving and amusing. Emergency, emergency. It’s Police Commissioner We will all miss Ben. Hopefully with time our pain will Gordon’s fluffy friend here, calling Batman. Where are you Nightline is here to help fade whilst our fond memories grow warmer. Although Batman? Damn, he must still be at the hospital after that We are a after hours confidential help and listening ser- nothing will ever replace the part of our life that was incident he and Robin had at the last silly night, with a vice run by student volunteers uniquely Ben, we are all richer for having shared with him chained rabbit and those three Bond Girls – Pussy Galore, If we can’t solve your problem we’ll try to find someone his short but precious life. Onatop and Fatima Blush. Gotham City will be doomed who can without him, what are we to do? Our only hope is that many Open: At least two early/midweek nights a week From all of us who have been touched by your love and brave students will go to Silly Night dressed as a Batman 8pm - late kindness…words can not express our loss. We love you and character or even Batman himself. Not only will this allow Call Int: 4949 Ext. 532710 miss you, but above all we will remember you. them to get their Doubles and a Mixer for £1, but it may or come to our discrete office: even… SAVE THE WORLD!!! “someday you will find me, What could this terrible danger be I hear you ask. Well, it’s caught beneath the landslide, just too awful to put into print, but it does involve a pair of in a champagne supernova in the sky.” rubber gloves, two purple bricks and a sharp pencil. However, if you’re just not brave enough to dress up, but somewhere, there is an angel playing bass…… still want cheap drinks, you can bring along a bat instead. You could create one from the batmaking kit in your utility Pool Tournament Update belt, or possibly even kidnap one from your local cave. The second week of the Pool League was a big success with However, don’t go raiding any cricket or baseball suppliers 30 players battling it out for league points. A fine result for as those types of bat don’t count, and I’ll have to give you Michael O’Connor who won and commiserations to Dave a good, hard personal bleating. Remember, Bats hate Rowe who was runner up. Watch this space for information Jokers, so keep your card playing to yourself you cheeky news and updates on the pool league and tournaments this riddling minx. semester. Come along to the Union every Thursday Love from Code name S.H.E.E.P and all her evening at 7.00pm. fluffy lambs. Baaaaaaaaaaa. CHARTER BALL QUESTIONNAIRE The Charter Ball is an annual event, cele- Do you want a Charter Ball? What main entertainment act would you Do you want a casino and jazz band brating the University Charter - when prefer to see? during the evening? Surrey became a University rather than a Please tick: Yes No technical college, in 1966. It also coincides Please tick: Top-name DJ Band Please tick: Yes No with the election of the new sabbatical offi- If no, please complete details at the bottom cers and is a big celebration of the Union. of this questionnaire and do not answer the Any other suggestions The event is a traditional ball - everyone remaining questions Do you want to be able to attend the gets dressed up and parties until late, but we Other event (please specify) Charter Ball meal before the Ball? ...... need your help! The Charter Ball ‘99 com- mittee are currently devising the greatest ...... Please tick: Yes No ...... Charter Ball ever. Please fill in this ques- tionnaire to help us provide exactly what ...... YOU want. Please fill in the questionnaire ...... If the Ball was in the Union complex, do below, tear out the slip and hand it in to you think Chancellor’s should be open to Name: ...... Cathy at reception or put in the Bare Facts all students - even those not attending the box, out of hours. All completed question- Do you think the Ball should be in the Ball - until 10:30pm, for meeting friends Department: ...... naires will be collected and two winners University hall or in the Union building? and general drinking? drawn from a hat, both of whom will win Email/Phone: free Christmas Party tickets. Good Luck! Please tick: Hall Union Please tick: Yes No ...... Thank you for your time. ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 4 (1,1)

4 Features Thursday 15th October1998 n

Conference Codswallop Apathy at the University of Surrey, Political comment By John Dear IF YOU TOLERATE THIS YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE NEXT by Nick Walsh Every year, mem- Does it ever strike you that there are things wrong with the from the toilet circuit’ band are we going to have to pay bers of political world, with Britain, and in more local areas such as this through the roof to see? Is food too expensive at the restau- parties like to get University? I would first of all like to state that this article rants? Is there any thing wrong with Bare Facts? Or the together and go to does not apply to everyone; but to me it just seems there is wider issues of life, such as is the labour government doing various seaside a feeling here, that people are prepared to go along with a good job? Are tuition fees a good idea or are the educators resorts beginning whatever is put in front of them. I’m not sure whether it is out to stifle that great tradition of free learning and helping with the letter unique to this region or University, but in the past it seems to re-impose a class system? “B”. However, people were more likely to dispute and debate any threat to they don’t get their liberty. Having ideas and opinions on subjects is a good thing and much of a chance should be encouraged. When I first came here it surprised to flick sand into Last year a costly and some may say pointless survey was me how few societies there were. It’s a good thing to see each other’s sand- carried out throughout the campus and the results said people showing a passion for things aside from their cours- wiches. Instead, they all have to sit in big halls for as many as things like minorities were not catered for and that students es, but here a lot of people are bereft of a bit of passion. four days and have a conference. Over the coming weeks, I did not fully understand what the Union does etc. Maybe a There aren’t many culture-related societies, this is probably will be looking at each conference and examining what was similar survey should be carried out to see if people actual- due to the overly scientific nature of courses on offer at this on offer. ly know what is going on in the world, not just politics but University.. If there were more humanities subjects, then general knowledge. I don’t want to sound pessimistic, but I people might have more to discuss about; life, law, literature The first party to have their conference this year was the doubt that there are a significant number of students who etc. Someone doing civil engineering or mech. engineering Liberal Democrats. It was here that members gave speeches know what is going on outside their narrow minded lives. with 20+ hours a week has more time constraints and poten- about the things that they love best: electoral reform, higher Worryingly this is found at a University from which people tial stress than say someone doing sociology. So saying to taxes and Paddy Ashdown. often move on to important jobs involving leading roles in these students, what do you think of when you hear about running the country, cities getting bombed, children getting shelled, risks a reply The conference began with fresh calls for Proportional along the lines of ‘that’s terrible, but I’ve got to get this Representation, a clever way of changing the electoral sys- It seems students here aspire to normality. By this I mean work done if I’m going to complete my degree’. tem in the Liberal Democrats’ favour. Members discussed there is a need to fit in and to concentrate hard on studies the fact that in a short while, the Jenkins Commission (set and then to go down the Union (mostly on the weekend) and So here in Guildford, home of the brash, outrageous and up to find the best way of altering Britain’s electoral sys- get lagered up. Few people want to kick things up and ques- free we are behaving as if we are repressed and conserva- tem) will announce it’s findings. Several delegates told tion things and change them. For instance, it’s possible to go tively dressed. Can you squeeze a thought into an empty Paddy Ashdown, the craggy faced leader of the party, not to to Friday night out, every week, hear the same songs played page of your diary, and try and change the world. I sense the accept a “watered down” method of PR from this commis- in the same order, and have a nice refreshing pint of over- power in your fingers. Collectively we have the power, but sion. Unfortunately for Paddy and his friends the commis- priced soapy beer, and love every minute. Is this the life of do we have the inclination. One day we will be old, the thing sion is likely to recommend a system known as liberated, cerebral young people. Personally I feel sorry for is we must feel dangerous NOW. There is no point being “Alternative Vote Plus”, and this is felt to be an ineffective voting system. This outcome would end Paddy Ashdown’s the DJ at Friday Night Out, it must be a bit mind numbing ordinary boys happy knowing nothing, or ordinary girls leadership of the Liberal Democrats, as he has promised the for him especially since he does the same thing at Bo’s on a happy going nowhere. It’s too easy having a mundane life party many times that PR would come about in a pleasing Wednesday. It speaks volumes for the area when the best laid out in front of you. We must change things. I have faith way under his influence. nightclub in the area is a bland, dirty, backwards looking in you. discotheque. The second day of the conference was mainly concerned with Here at Bare Facts, we would like to hold a series of the economy. Paddy Ashdown endorsed ten new ways of tax- Students need to question what goes on in the University debates, on the wider issues of life, to be proved wrong that ing the British public so that government may raise more more, and ask basic questions like; ..are we going to get people don’t really care. If you would like to take part, money for more public spending. The methods included com- ripped off again at the Christmas Ball? and what ‘big name please get in contact with the paper. pulsory secondary pensions, the abolition of mortgage tax relief and a possible increase in V.A.T (which already stands ELECTRASY Competition at an incredible 17.5%). For this and other unfeasible eco- Written as a sequel to the huge- nomic plans, Mr Ashdown sat to applause. Competition ly popular He Died with a The winner of the signed Morning Felafel in his hand, John The third day, Wednesday, saw the conference end badly After CD is Lloyd Wood Birmingham’s latest book is for Ashdown. Not only did some delegates shoot some of filled with yet more hellish his plans on education to pieces, but members told the press house-sharing nightmares. that his closing speech was a very lack lustre affair. In it, he Concentrating on life in the suggested that Tony Blair was a control freak because he house over a two month period, would not change the electoral system. He also stated that The Tasmanian Babes Fiasco is the close relationship between the Liberal Democrats and guaranteed to strike terror into the Labour party would be seriously undermined if a the hearts of anyone who has Freedom of Information Bill were not published quickly. Finally, he told his party that they must all “grasp the net- had to share a house for any tle” and commit themselves to supporting European length of time Monetary Union. By the end of the speech, the strain If you have a funny/horren- caused by leading his party for a full ten years came to dous/embarassing/incredible/ light, but he said that he would never resign. house sharing story that you are willing to see in print and may use to gain revenge on old or even current housemates then email it to [email protected] or drop it in to the Barefacts office in the Students Union. Not only will the best stories win Tasmanian Babes Fiasco but you can also win a pair of Odeon Cinema tickets to a film of ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 5 (1,1)

Thursday 15th October1998 n Music 5

The Delgados / Six By Seven / Cinema (Cheetara) / U-Boat Commander The Union Chapel, 1/10/98 Vyvyan / Benzine Three varied bands, although they all share the same ideol- Plastic People (Porn St*r), 3/10/98 ogy - in that they are all making music, in a progressive, The second night for this was the band formerly forward looking fashion. The venue is unusually for a rock London's "Bratpop" club known as The Pin-Ups, gig a church, everyone is seated in uncomfortable pews but was billed to be very spe- Pistols style punks who everyone has a really good view plus really amazing cial. Cheetara, an all girl signed to Deceptive after a acoustics. But with all this history surrounding us everyone punk pop band who had string of anarchic indie sin- is a bit polite with the applause. Cinema play only one been picked up by the gles over '96/'97. Starting track, but this lasts ½ hour and it seemingly split into two Melody Maker, and with off with a song based on two movements. If dance music is the new classical music then two indie singles on the chords and lyrics about sin- Cinema make a sort of baroque sound. The soundtrack to a way, were headlining where gle mums living on council subtitled European film, high on culture, but low on main- previously they had always estates (U-Boat Commander stream appeal. been bottom of the bill. are anything but p.c.) the Benzine now had this slot band lost interest and started Monotonous, repetetive and wonderfully refreshing all in and proved their position by jamming with each other. unison. Powerful and simple, the awkardly muscular music 6 by 7 playing derivative And this went on for twenty of 6 x 7, whilst not ridiculously brilliant or hideously louder and in widescreen. They are joined by a flautist and American style slacker minutes, accompanied by melodic, is a treat in the current mire of bored cliches. 'For a cellist which are easily heard above all the distorted gui- grunge rock. Finishing with their moronic hard core You' is a baggy throwback whilst the newer 'Candlelight' is tars going off. The hour long set is really complete and by a cover of "Swallowed" by shouting abuse into the mic. strangely mystical. keeping the songs short and simple, the band don’t over do Bush the crowd weren't par- Having driven everyone it. ‘Pull the wires from the wall’ with it’s two-part chorus is ticularly impressed but still away to the bar the climax The Delgados are the real reason why everyone is here. The the highlight, but on ‘Blackpool’ you can actually feel the gave a polite round of came when an irate elder statesman of the independent music scene. They are difference between the loud bits and the quiet bits which applause. Vyvyan, now two Cheetara fan grabbed the hear to promote their new single ‘The weaker argument make the seats vibrate, which is nice. The good thing about singles down the round and mic and demanded they get defeats the stronger’, off their album ‘Peloton’ which is The Delgados is that you can’t tell from their songs which courting a publishing deal, off and let a real band play. also one of the finest of the year. All the songs played songs they have listened to which makes them all the more kicked off with the b-side The response was that the tonight are off this album, and all are fully replicated except interesting. Daniel Jones and Nick Walsh "Teen Energy". Three sec- six mates of the band initiat- onds in it was clear all was ed a stage invasion (not hard Enough)’ is Smiths inspired pop not well. With the guitars when the "stage" was on the Theaudience whilst the delicacy of ‘Keep In Touch’ hideously out of tune the same level and only separat- Camden Electric Ballroom is touching. crowd endured and waited ed by monitors) and joined 7/10/98 patiently for the second the band by kicking in the Daniel Jones song as the band started to amps and stealing the mics. Sophie Ellis-Bextor is young and the ly, that things we use for a function panic and guitar techs As they legged it out of the daughter of an ex Blue Peter presenter. should make money to create a motive moved in. Eventually the venue Cheetara arrived to She also posseses a well formed, for their existence. Real art is that second song kicked off, but find that they had no amps, porcelain face that seems to pout which is an artistic impression and the sound didn't improve. no mics, and no chance of uncontrollably (particularly in market- people would wish to express whether By song four the drum kit playing their set. A big dis- ing photos), and her hands drift fre- or not there were a (mainstream) audi- had broken and Vyvyan cut appointment and a one way quently toward her hips. Despite her ence, and here lies its ability to claim short a disastrous set. ticket for U-Boat minimal demeanour, her voice is forth- credibility. But, should something cre- Unfortunate. U-Boat Commander never to play right yet curvaceous and her delivery is ated under that pretence become amal- Commander came on to another gig. knowing and cognisant. Her fellow gamated into something that will 'sell high expectations. After all, Andrew Thomas musicians or rather the people pulling more,' then there is a big question mark her puppet strings are boring, old and over where it stands in the aesthetic Gig Guide lifeless. All of these things (that she domain. For example, the outpourings has the credentials and the others do of a possibly sensitive articulate gener- Friday 16th not) make it all the more remarkable ation Xer who is compromising his Mark Lanegan @ London Astoria that Sophie fails to muster up any sem- craft in order to latch it to a young face, Saturday 17th The Jellys @ Aldershot West End Centre blance of stage presence. to sell more.... Motorhead + Group Dogdrill @ Brixton Academy Sunday 18th It all revolves around the current ques- To utterly denigrate Theaudience is Jungle Brothers @ Reading Alleycat. (£9) tion of motives and thus the credibility unfair. As a pop band they can be mov- Stony Sleep @ Surrey Univeristy. FREE of anything. We accept, perhaps right- ing. ‘I Know Enough (I Don’t Get Monday 19th Veda + Lizard Kings @ Reading Alleycat. FREE Sing Sing / Roscoe Tuesday 20th Reading Alleycat 2/10/98 Crytuff @ Reading Alleycat For a Friday night in Reading the venue is oddly quiet. Roscoe come on to polite clapping from thirty or so people. Playing Wednesday 21st their brand of feisty girl fronted power pop they do little to disappoint. Mid set the tempo slows down and a few lighters- Montrose Avenue @ Portsmoth Wedgewood Rooms in-the-air type songs are played. The singer is confident of herself and the band, now if only the other members would stop Thursday 22nd staring at their instruments and sheepishly smiling and shoegazing in response to crowd heckles. The venue had gained a “Camdemonium” @ Camden, London Friday 23rd few more audience members by the time Sing Sing entered. Promoting new single, "Feels Like Summer", the rest of the Symposium @ London Forum set did not disappoint. Variation was the key, with influences ranging from soul to techno whilst keeping an essential com- Saturday 24th ponent that help it remain coherent. Do not expect a new Lush, this is so much better. Andrew Thomas Republica + Gel @ Portsmouth Pyramids Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci / Olivia Tremor Control / Murmurs Of Irma Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms 7/10/98 The night began with an unexpected pleasure as local boys first couple of songs suffered from inaudible lyrics, which made Dew' which was done with more energy than you'd believe listen- Murmurs of Irma took to the stage as the second support. The them a bit of a bland noisefest. But they soon remedy this with ing to the rather placid recorded version. They played some new Murmurs play psychedelic pop, a bit of a cross between the some slightly quieter songs, which the lyrics were crystal clear, stuff that isn't like they're old material, including the rocking Cardiacs and David Devant. The singer on stage singing all kinds well at least as much as your standard live band. The band not con- 'Poodle Rock' which was an all out assault on the ears. Whilst they of weird surreal lyrics, like "we're all fly away on a big currant tent with the normal guitars, bass, drums and keyboard decided to played a lot of material off the past couple of albums (they even bun", and doing something between dancing and having a fit. They add a trumpet and clarinet. One song was particularly out of the went back as far as 'Bywd Tyme' for at least one song). But they also brought their own support in the Weirdry Sisters, whose job it ordinary as it seemed to consist of a marching beat drumming and inject it with such energy that they're hardly the same songs with was to dance in strange ways on the dance floor (floral dresses are little else, with pauses to allow every instrument on stage to have the loud bits going absolutely mad at times, but never going to far definitely the in thing this year). Whilst this might put off anyone a solo before launching into a song proper. Overall they've got and descending into white noise. The crowd really appreciated else considering dancing it does however solve the problem of hav- quite a bit of variation but all the middle of their songs sound the both 'Murmurs of Irma' and 'Olivia Tremor Control', with both ing no one within twelve feet of the stage. The crowd genuinely same, they could become really rather good if they get past this. pulling great responses from the crowd. Then Gorky's came on and seemed to enjoy them with a real applause rather than the usual Two good support bands on one night, this just had to mean that showed how playing live should be done. Giving the songs a new polite applause reserved for support bands. The tour support were Gorky's would be a disappointment. As soon as Gorky's came on power, which is hardly there on the records. the rather less local Olivia Tremor Control from Georgia. This lot they dispelled that with a great song which only featured piano and were loud and quite rocky but with a kind of added quirkyness. The violin but still not sounding dull. After this they got onto 'Diamond Ian Purvey ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 6 (1,1)

6 Music Thursday 15th October1998 n

you could do a lot worse. 6/10 E.C. SINGLE OF THE WEEK SINGLES AUDIOWEB – Get Out Of Here (Mother) A - Summmer On This latest release from the forthcoming “Fireworks The Underground ULTRASOUND - I'll Show You Mine (Nude) City” album has pretty much the same Ska/Ragga-rock A brilliant, dreamy, beautifully sung single that is cur- formula as previous singles. It’s smooth flowing and (London) rently touring with Placebo. Watch out for their soon to good listening, but seems to lack the same punch of the A, whilst milling be released debut L.P!! 8/10 C.H. superb “Policeman Skank”. 6/10 A.S. about on the public transport of London RIALTO - Summer's Over (China) THE DELGADOES - The Weaker Argument over the clement "A haunting lament to the last days of summer and the Defeats The Stronger (Chemical Underground) months have stum- end of a jaded relationship". Rialto's first proper single After the glorious 'Pull The Wires From The Wall' The bled across the sum- (the first was only released via the internet) is being Delgadoes return with something resembling Gene mer CD sale in Tower released at just the right time and describes that sun- with a flute. It's not immediately as catchy as previous longing depression that some people (like me) get at singles but should do well with fans of the band. Records and relieved this time of the year pretty well. A respectful 7/10 M.D. Sensitive but just a little too vulnerable. 6/10 A.T. it of some of its Beach Boys discs. And in NATALIE IMBRUGLIA - Smoke (RCA) LEVELLERS - Bozos (China) finally getting to the Natalie Imbruglia is already a successful singer so she A slight step away from the Levellers we're used to - no studio they blend has a reputation to live up to. Although Smoke is not fiddles or anthemic folk choruses. Instead we get fast, these new sonic hori- as catchy as Torn was and the vocal intonation style has yet bland, retro-guitars, which initially sound exciting, zons with their typical changed, Smoke is still a quality song. The song is but never rise to anything like, the similar, 'Hope punk references to accompanied by a lone piano melody and a string Street'. The usual kind of 'bonus' track from the forth- ensemble which enhances the traditional pop feel of the coming 'Best Of'. 5/10 J.R.H. great effect. 8/10 D.J. song. The record combines both real and synthesized instrumentation to great effect and the single also has a SPECIMEN A - Hate This System (Squeaky Clean THE SUPERNATURALS - Sheffield song (Food) HURRICANE #1 - Rising Sign (Creation) CD ROM track. 7/10 G.T. Records) The Supernaturals' songs in the past have always been Having moved on from being ‘the missing link between Specimen have created a brand of alternative dance that quite good, this song doesn't live up to their usual stan- The Stone Roses and Oasis’ but without the success or FUN LOVING CRIMINALS - Big Night Out is more individual than most but still sounds a bit dards though. This is disappionting, but I'm sure that songs, they now try and rip off My Bloody Valentine. (Parlophone) Techno. The rhythms vary and the sound effects are huge Supernaturals fans will love it. 5/10 G.D. Unfortunately though, singer Alex Lowe has a crap The guys that gave us "Scobby Snacks" are back, this cool. Drums, base and guitars have a place in Hate The voice and Andy Bell now writes naff lyrics, give it a time with a well funky, relaxing effort. A fine tune. System too. This isnt easy on the ears but it might be HINDA HICKS - Truly (Island) few months and they will be dropped. Good. 4/10 N.W. 7/10 F.F. good when under alcoholic influence. 5/10 G.T. I'm not a huge Hinda Hicks fan anyway, but this is even worse than some of her other singles. This isn't as CABLE - Arthur Walker (Infectious) DEM 2 ‘Destiny’ (Locked On) upbeat as her other songs and doesn't really suit her and This weeks reviews by: First single from the forthcoming 'Sub-lingual' album An already familiar tune in the London night clubs and three versions of the same song on one C.D was just too Nick Walsh, Daniel Jones, Matthew Anderson, sees Cable losing a lot of their harder-edge and settling those into the ‘garage scene’, ‘Destiny’ is being for- much. 4/10 G.D. Ian Purvey, Andrew Thomas, Emma Clarke, for something more melodic. Not as immediate as mally released with extended vocals on the radio edit Rob Winder, Gemma Decent, Kevin Marston, 'Freeze The Atlantic', but good. 7/10 R.W. and new remixes featuring ‘Rhythm Masters’ and ‘New ARAB STRAP - (Afternoon) Soaps (Chemikal Georgina Tarrant, James Hemingway, Gabriel Horizons’, none of which coming close to bettering the Underground) Oliver Chamero, Dean Arif, and Christian IDLEWILD - I'm A Message (EMI) original. 5/10 D.M.C. Dull, boring, drawn out are all words that describre this Hunter. A nice, happy pop/rock number with a very odd, xylo- single. Aiden talks his reminisies over the quiet music. phone filled B-side. A bit repetitive on the whole, but 4/10 I.P.

Drugs (But The Drugs Like Me)' all get inside your odd instruments accompany Bobby Conn's socially got from the album, is that these guys are definetely tal- brain, just like great songs should. The old Mar1lyn conscious lyrics. Sometimes it goes a bit eighties rock ented, but they've got loads of work ahead of them. ALBUMS Man5on is (hopefully) dead, long live Mar1lyn (track four, 'United Nations') and occasionally slips into 6/10 G.C. Man5on. 8/10 R.W. seventies funk. This keeps the variety but definitely TINDERSTICKS - Donkeys 92-97 (Island) strikes you as an album that will take some listening to WAGON CHRIST - Tally Ho (Kranky) Tindersticks have been around, not around as long as V/A - The Real Ibiza (Secret Service) get used to. Not immediate, but built to last. 7/10 A.T. Wagon Christ, also known as Luke Vibert (apparently) some bands, but with the melancholy wisdom they sing This classy cd is a step above the rest of the countlees has produced what he would like to think is a seminal with, it sounds like they've seen all the futility of life Ibiza compilations that infest record stores... For LINTON KWESI JOHNSON - Independant dance-type album of the year. He is, unfortunately for and love, and laugh at all those who still persue it. It's starters, it is mixed by Cafe Del Mar, which should be Intravenshan: The Island Anthology (Island) him, quite mistaken. What he has produced instead is a not really surprising therefore that they are releasing a a reasonable guarantee to any disco-freak. The mix of I must admit that i have never heard of this artist before stunningly mediocre equivalent of a very B-list comic- compilation album. Of course it's not a "look what I've guitar house and synthesizers gives the album a chilled, in my life, as he was well known in the 80's for his lit- horror movie. Any artist that includes on an album a done and aren't I great" CD, but includes rarities, unre- relaxed effect; sounding a bit like cafe/bar music. erary skills as a musician. This CD is basically an stretch of himself talking dirty but with 'funny' Carry leased recordings and album tracks, as well as a few Overall, a pretty good compilation. 8/10 C.H. anthology from the material of Jamaican dub poet On-style noises obscuring the naughty words is not a singles. Listening to this I can almost understand why Linton Kwesi Johnson. His influence for the songs he genius but just has way too much time on his hands. people compare This group to Nick Cave & the Bad LODGER - A Walk In The Park (Island) wrote was based on the revolutionary ideals of the The rest isn't much better - it's all slightly too smugly Seeds, but only in terms of both sing with deep voices Starting off with the vaguely recognisable single, 'I'm Black Panthers. Which his songs do indeed encapsulate tongue in cheek to be any good at all really. Such a and have a thing for the blues. (Shown in the cover ver- Leaving' (famous, if only for it's lyrical content bearing the ideals in his dub poet form. Its chill out music for shame, it's only going to get... 5/10 M.d.L sion of Otis Redding’s 'I've been loving you too long'.) a striking resemblance to the Space/Cerys duet), the the populus that will blow your mind away with its However Tindersticks are also much grander and more album continues in it's sleazy cheesy shuffle through intelligence. 7/10 K.M. orchestral making music to hammer through your soul. life. Pearl 'Spam', ex-Powder has a very standard You may have guessed that I like this album, it mirrors female indie vocal, coming close to the yelpy drool of CARRIE - Fear Of Sound (Island) all the feelings everyone has and should make everyone Justine Frishmen (of Elastica). A Hammond joins in on This album could be described in terms of an imagined an instant follower, but maybe we should'nt give up on the kooky upbeat stomp of 'Bones' and in this song it is exchange between Carrie and the general public: life yet. 9/10 D.N. particularly evident that a member of Supergrass is "Please take us seriously", "No, we won't". According involved. However, do not write off Lodger as a part to the press release, there is a dark and meaningful side MAR1LYN MAN5ON - Mechanical Animals time charity for bored Camdenites - this particular loner to this outfit, hidden somewhere beyond the fluffy per- (Interscope) is a welcome resident in bedsit hi-fis. 8/10 A.T. ifory of their natural melodic leanings, but even after Tonight, Matthew, Brian Warner is David Bowie. Yes, sveral listenings it's hard to pinpoint it. The first (and gone are the ridiculous gothic rags and in their place RAE & CHRISTIAN - Northern Sulphuric Soul best) track, is a good, poppy song, and it becomes clear Mr. Man5on has taken the persona of an androgynous (Grand Central Records) as the recoed goes on that this is what the group should alien character (I'm sure that someone has done that Combining nineties hip hop with other music styles this have stuck t instead of letting themselves get convinced THE MONTROSE AVENUE - Thirty Days Out before) possibly called Omega. Also gone are the sub- is some slick turnable wizardry. Rae and Christian by somebody to try and sound like a rock version of (Columbia) NIN psuedo-gothic sounds, these are replaced by a bla- have contributions from a huge host of other artists REM with the odd Beach Boy harmony. All in all, not Get five dapper young men, give them guitars, give tent, and perfectly timed, rip-off of Ziggy-era Bowie, (including Veba, YZ, Texas, Jungle Brothers and oth- a bad record, but one which leaves you wishing the them harmonies, and give them that old authentic atti- with a pinch of Sigue Sigue Sputnik and a hint of elec- ers), melting each one's sound with their own brand of band was a bit more sure of their convictions. 6/10 tude. The result, something like The Byrds, Crosby, tronica. That said, however, this album makes the pre- mancunian soul. The best track is definetly 'Divine M.A. Stills and Nash etc. The trouble is it’s 1998 rather than vious output from Mar1lyn Man5on look somewhat Sounds'. This is good stuff. 7/10 M.D. 1968. The Montrose Avenue contribute as much to the inconsequential, here there is style, swagger and songs V/A - Ambient Ibiza 2 (Secret Service) current zeitgeist as Ocean Colour Scene. On ‘Start (OK some of those surely owe some writers royalties to BOBBY CONN - Rise Up! (Truckstop) Don’t be deceived by thinking that this is another com- Again’ the new single is a fairly up song about nothing Bowie) that were lacking in the past. Damn, some of Starting with an ambient soundscape of sirens and pilation of mainstream club anthems that churn from really in particular. Played on TFI Friday’s, as Chris these songs are good, and a million times better than arcade machines layed over a steady throbbing bass this ever-expanding island of commerce. This club col- Evans likes them, but that doesn’t say much as it’s just anything Bowie has done since... 'Scary Monsters...'. note you immediately feel this is not a pop record. lection compiled by DJ Sergio is an insight into the the new Des O’Conner variety show. ‘Where Do I 'The Dope Show', 'Rock Is Dead' and 'I Don't Like The Minimalist strings, drums, keyboards and an array of down-tempo melodies inspired by almost a decade of Stand’ blatantly rips off ‘A Man Needs A Maid’ off his DJing in ‘Café Del Mar’, ‘Ku’, ‘Space’ and ‘Amnesia’ ‘Harvest’ album, or it could be Bernard Butler. To call ALBUM OF THE WEEK to name a few. The mood conjuring collection, with it’s them retro would be an understatement and the trouble PLACEBO - Without You I'm Nothing soothing instrumentals and Balearic beats includes with the harmonies is they seem to get in the way of (Hut) ‘Leftfield’s’- ‘Release the Pressure’ and a rare ‘Grid’ each other. Oh did I forget to mention, the songs are all Returning with 'Pure Morning' earlier this remix of ‘Rainers’- ‘Nod to N20’. Sergio seems to con- tediously dull. We don’t need bands like this, but I think year Placebo have asserted themselves as the tribute little to this unfortunately unmixed compilation, they will go a long way. 3/10 N.W. unlikely dark pop band it's cool to like. They bar one track, with some of the tunes being faded out in make vaguely unpleasant noises by scratch- mid flow. However if you expect nothing more than an ing guitar strings, their videos are all spacey album you simply play through to induce a relaxed and metallic, and the singer looks like state of mind or reminisces on the memories of your Tune in to GCR (shock! horror!) a girl! Your parents will hate summer hols, you won’t be disappointed. 6/10 D.M.C. You can keep up with all the latest music on GCR them, you will love them, cue a&r wet 1602am. Shows include Nick’s Chant n Tunes (1-3pm dream. So is the hype surrounding this justi- ESSEN - King Size Blues (Clean Up) Tuesday), No Wave (1-3pm Sunday), and Andy & Co’s fied? It would be fantastic to slate this, to An eclectic album compromising a wide a variety of Radio Show (7-9pm Wednesday) take away the front and expose them as lame musical styles, from electric, trippy jazz to spaced out goth tinged wasters. Unfortunately it can't be blues, with a touch of ambience and disco here and done. Because this is good. Very good. there. Some tracks tend to go on forever, like 'God and Everyone knows what Placebo sound like, a the Devil' which goes on for an incredible eight min- radical change of direction cannot be expect- utes, and 'Amen' which rambles on and on inconclu- ed. This sells, and you're sold. 9/10 A.T. sively for nearly nine minutes. The overall impression i ed981015.qxd 25/11/9821:38Page7(1,1)

Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday 24th 23rd 22nd 21st 20th 19th 18th 17th 16th Thursday 15thOctober1998 n 21.25 TheX-Files 12.15 Grandstand 21.00 Friends Fourth 21.30 BlackAdderGoes Awards 23.45 BBCNewComedy 22.00 AllyMcBeal 21.00 SexBomb enemy 21.00 Livingwiththe 18.00 StarTrek :TNG 22.00 Ultraviolet 20.00 TheBill cook 20.30 Delia’s Howto red October 22.15 Film:TheHuntfor 22.00 Film:MeanStreets Intent 22.25 Film:Murderous 21.25 TheX-Files 21.00 Friends Holland 23.30 LaterWithJools 21.00 BlackAdderIV 18.25 StarTrek 19.30 TOTP 21.00 Taggart 19.30 We canworkitout Sun 21.00 3rdRockfromthe 18.00 StarTrek :DS9 21.30 UndercoverHeart 22.00 Film:Casino riage ofPower 20.00 TheClintons-amar- 21.00 Trial &RetributionsII 18.45 StarTrek Voyager 21.00 Trial &RetributionII 18.25 Hit,MissorMaybe 19.30 HereandNow the filminLT G. Fill outyourticketintheunionpostroomandthen comealongto Showing onWednesday 21stOctoberat8pm to flyhimMars. made inthe1920’s. AelitatellsthestoryofengineerLoswhobuildsamachine helped intheBolshevikrevolutionandisoneofbestknownSovietfilms This weeksArtsfilmisAelita:QueenofMarsthestoryhowmartians Showing Sunday18thOctat5pmand8pmMonday19th8pm. behind. Buthisrelationshiptothepastrefuseslethimlivealifeofpeace. From Friday16thOcttoThursday22nd1998 Lock, StockandTwo SmokingBarrels Lock, StockandTwo SmokingBarrels 14.00 17.2020.15(notonwednesday) 13.00 15.2017.4020.00(Fri-Thurs) Sun -Thurs(4th-8th) There’s SomethingaboutMary There’s SomethingaboutMary 11.50 14.2016.5019.2021.50 Fri &Sat(16th/17th) 12.15 15.0517.4520.35 12.30 15.1017.4020.20 13.05 15.5518.2520.50 13.30 16.4019.1521.50 14.20 16.5519.3022.00 13.15 15.5018.3021.05 12.40 15.2018.0520.50 13.00 15.5518.5521.40 12.45 15.3018.2021.05 12.05 14.3017.1020.20 12.20 14.5517.3020.00 12.15 14.5017.5020.40 netimnsGie 7 Entertainments Guide 12.55 2.50(Sunonly) Cineline -(01483)578017 Saving PrivateRyan Saving PrivateRyan The Truman Show 12.20 16.0019.45 13.30 17.1020.50 Thr Truman Show A PerfectMurder A PerfectMurder Lethal Weapon 4 Lethal Weapon 4 Mercury Rising Mercury Rising Dr Doolittle Ever After Ever After Mulan relationship withthewomanheleft young boxerslikehimselfandrenewshis his oldhome.Hestartsagymtotrain political pastandtorebuildanewlifein the bloodshedthatwasinherentinhis in IRAactivities.Hedeterminestoavoid prison inBelfastafter14yearsforhispart plays DannyFlynnwhoisreleasedfrom and 19thofOctober. DanielDay-Lewis We willbeshowingTheBoxer on18th ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Advice Thursday 15th October1998 n "Fresher's Flu" Dr Russ what the Health Centre says. by Lindsay Endean. Dear Russ The new semester is now clearly under The time to visit a doctor is if symp- I know what job I’d like to do, how do I go about finding the way and the Surrey halls of residence toms persist or get worse when you employers who might consider me? are ringing with a chorus of coughs are expecting them to get better. Dear Alison and sneezes. Yes, "Fresher's-flu" has These could be caused by a secondary There are a number of ways to do this. First of all, many of the big- arrived and the health centre is once bacterial infection in the throat, chest ger employers are currently sending us details about their graduate again over flowing with people and ears, or sinuses, and the doctor vacancies for next year. We record all of these in a Vacancy Bulletin demanding the impossible; a cure for may be able to prescribe an antibiotic which you can pick up in the Careers Service. You can also access the common cold. to help. If you are prescribed an this information through the University Home Page on the Internet. antibiotic you must make sure that Just click on “Staff and Current Students” and you will find it under The symptoms of the common cold are you finish the whole course of treat- “Campus Life”. Wherever they exist, we’ve included ‘hot links’ to sore throats, coughs, achy joints, a ment because bacteria that are not employer websites so you can get further information at the touch of runny nose and possibly a slight tem- killed can develop an immunity to the a button if you’d like. By the way, careers directories like Prospects perature. You could suffer from all or antibiotic which makes them even Directory 99 are another good place to look. Other useful directories just one of these symptoms from any- harder to kill and does no one any are listed in the “What Next” file for your degree in the Careers where between five to ten days. The favours. Service. common denominator is that all these symptoms are caused by viruses, Real flu is another thing altogether I must emphasise that most of the employers notifying us about their microscopic organisms that DO NOT and you will know if you have it. Careers vacancies right now tend to be on the large side. It’s really a bit too respond to antibiotics. Unfortunately Symptoms include a loss of appetite, a early to apply to smaller employers since they tend to work on a there are over 200 of these little critters high fever, aches in the joints and a shorter time-scale. A mail-shot which included your CV and a cov- that can cause the common cold (many feeling of general weakness. If these ering letter around March or April next year would probably receive of them changing from year to year) symptoms are also accompanied by a a more positive response. You could also, by then, begin to use cur- and as yet there is known treatment for dislike of bright lights, being sick, or a rent vacancy lists such as the Immediate Vacancy Bulletin which we them. So if you arrive at the health cen- red rash, call a doctor immediately as produce in the Careers Service. tre with a runny nose and sore throat these could possibly be the signs of they will probably send you away with meningitis, which can become serious If the list of employers you eventually arrive at is too long, it may the following advice: vary quickly. be necessary to narrow down your choice through some further research. The brochures which many employers produce are a good place to start and we have reference copies of most of these Coughs- Use steam inhalations or a If you require some more information in the Careers Service. sedative linctus available from the the Health Centre has advice leaflets chemist (must be used sparingly). which you can take away and read up Finally, I invariably see students every year who have failed to get ‘Sore throat- Gargle with half a tea- on all the gruesome symptoms of var- job offers because they have only applied to employers who are spoon of salt or soluble aspirin dis- ious illnesses in your time. “household names”. The competition for these is intense. By all solved in warm water. Generally you Alternatively pick up the Union guide means include them in your list, but consider whether it would should eat well, drink plenty of fluid to life from the Union reception. But also be in your interests to first research and then apply to a few (the non alcoholic kind including tea, right now the Health Centre just don’t which you’ve never heard of. They often have some great jobs on water and fruit juice, you never know, have time to see people who come in offer for which they simply don’t get enough applicants. you might like them) and make sure with mild , harmless, and medically that you get plenty of rest. untreatable conditions. Russ Clark, Careers Service ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 9 (1,1)

Thursday 15th October1998 n Notices & Personals 9

■ denise,was that you in the to blow the whistle and save friends put up with it, silly Personals union going upstairs!mmmm- ■ angle-r you chip shov- fools! mel : 0 mmm!-a.r eller!!!, what was the name of ■: duffy, congratulations on ■ ■ lisa, karen & other x-hse64 jim, don’t worry i am sure home because you didn’t get ■ matt,claire and alec are the pasta again losing your chocolate cherry finyears:- hi! from the usa lucy will come back to you, any sympathy...pants pesky housemates and watch ■: congratulations to colin ■: no, having boiling candle ■ where i’m up working late even if you were with a man marky mark - 13 mm more too much simpsons. hardie and lisa bruneau on wax flung at you is a compli- ■ tonite... dave go away laura, i don’t like hitler ■ claire,you chip shoveller!!!! their recent engagement! ment...! ■ ■ baked beans on your collar, wanna catch anything. : mel men go from lovely to ■ Chill out Winston, man. ■: soggy cockroach, have you ■ annabella-rockerfella- please ■ eli. karen h, happy birthday!! b**tards to even more unbe- From the Oat Krunchies. coloured in your poster yet? make friends with your pretty ■ burp ! sorry i’m not here for it. say hi lievable b**stards! mel: 0 ■ carlits all tolerance levels ■: if the entire population of mate, i’m horny. ■ ■ furt ! to any other southamptoner’s, bridget - nice arse, the twi- ■ tap says no to grade 6 leader china held hands around the ■ taz, guildford court wants ■ tap says no to co-principals michelle light hours mark,carl & jan world...half of them would you but you r mine!!!!!!!!!! ■ ■ ■ garry in house 47 you are a hey thirty - so we’ll runny or stretchy? ■ i have my eyes set on you drown. ■ week seven tests haha- ■ rabbit from: your other bird have’em both by the end of the i saw you, but the library taz!! living alone r u???????? ■ taz, i find your way of haa...oim goin to fale. luv ■ : sarah, now your 20 are you year!! resturant girls didnt see you ■: that bird with the pierced dressing nice!!! i won’t to take sparkly ■ going out more (can you han- lisa - how’s bill? love dave last saturday (open 10 til 2) tongue!pleasure!!!!!! your clothes of and eat ■ robo,andy mcbeal,alex ■ ■ dle it!!!!) howard dt - love you Abbey -schewing ■ ginger power rules you.....francesca...c u soon!!■ i have all been genged luv ■ ■ it’s runny mannnn!!!!!!!!! it is so stretchy - oh yes! ■ evelyn, a modified dog, used to be indecisive but now i sparkly ■ ■ ■ it’s stretchy eli, have you found the heat- i completely disagree, there viewed the quivering fringe of can’t make my mind up. ■ girls, get a good placement ■ hey jon, how long’s that ing runny!!! a special doily... ■ surely the shower is the best by sucking nob in high places, ■ ■ love bite gonna last? Campusport - where’s our eli, we love you and you can ■ Curly gets nervous as sweet place to be when there is a fire luv sparkly ■ hi marnie, and everyone. kit??? SURFC live at our house,although not revenge draws ever nearer - alarm? ■(Mel): You’re a bit strange , ■ from dan in africa nympho - you had to go all the time!!! amd there’s no referee in sight ■ mel it amazes me how their aren’t you? Notices

UNION Apology: October, at 7.30pm in UH. Lessons as Saturday 24th October We're sorry for the lack of band on usual afterwards. International Meeting Point. Sunday Night this was due to a mix up meet outside the campus sports centre between the Union and the bands Cyprus Society AGM Thursday at 19.45 pm or phone Angie (Tel: agent. Sorry 22nd october at 18.00 in LTD (01483)420733) in advance for more details. An informal evening in a local Chinese Student Society Taiwanese Student Society home, with light refreshments AGM Today - Thursday 15th AGM Friday 23rd October at 18.00 October at 18.00 in LTB in Lecture Theatre K Make a Irish Beauty’s Birthday dream come true! Crossword No. 80 No Wave AGM Today - Thursday Boat Club EGM Monday 26th She’s selling her beloved White VW 15th October at 19.30 in Hari’s Bar October at 17.00 in the Grant Mitchell Polo. Genuine reason for sale (moving Room away where she already has another car!), it s H reg with 77,000 miles, Turkish Society AGM Monday MOT and Tax till Jan ‘99. New tyres, 19th October at 19.00 in TB 20a Photosoc AGM Tuesday 27th October at 18.00 in the Grant Mitchell bought for £3000 last year, will consid- Room in the Union er offers around £2200. For immediate Hellenic Society AGM Tuesday view, please phone LISA on ext. 4121. 20th October at 18.10 in LT E Arabic Society AGM MOUNTAIN BIKE FOR Wednesday 28th Ocober at 18.00 LTL Karate Club AGM: Monday the SALE - '98 Trek Y-glide. Brand 19th of October at 21:30 in Teaching new condition, never beenused. 18in Block 11. Phat Vibes AGM Thursday 29th October at 19.00 in Hari’s Bar frame. Worth £1200, sell £975. For Whether you are new to the sport or more info contact Adam oncv42ab or not, do join in!! Car for sale 56012 Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual D-reg Sky blue Metro City X for Snooker Players - Students feel Society AGM Tuesday 20th saleGood condition, brilliant starter, that it’s appropriate that there are full October at 20.00 in Teaching Block 20b taxed, MOT Dec. sets of snooker balls. If pilfering is Complete with stereo and stop- occuring please stop. Thankyou for Ballroom Dance Society lock.48,500 miles £450 o.n.o. your co-operation - Mr J White AGM on Wednesday, 21st of Phone 01483 464167 for a testdrive. Across 25. Type of water-lily (5) 1. A load-petrol makes it! Down (5) 1. A moth repellent (7) Union Elections 4. Fleets (7) 2. Fictitious land of 8. Correcting exercises, romance (9) Congratulations to the latest recruit to the Executive team. Equal Opportunities Officer perhaps (7) 3. A narcotic (5) Gareth Harmer was voted in to the position of Technology Ensures that the equal opp’s policy is upheld - race, sex, 9. Aromatic herb (5) 4. Infuriates (6) officer at last weeks Studen Council. Union Executive age, sexual orientation, HIV status and special needs. 10. Strike-a great success! 5. Games-they can sudden- Committee is a group of students, elected by students, to help Works closely with the Overseas’ Student Secretary, (3) ly become alight! (7) run the Union and give guidance to the 5 sabbatical officers. Women’s, Post-Graduate and Mature Students’ Officers to 11. Ceremonial parade - 6. A period of time (3) There are loads of different positions on “Exec”, from monitor correct representation and advise on policy. Ideal when April’s here? (5,4) 7. A Flat piece of material Environmental Officer to Stage Manager, and we all meet for someone who enjoys a bit of campaigning! 13. Dismissed at cricket - (5) once a fortnight to discuss issues, prioritise Union business for being too slow! (3,3) 12. Correction (9) and have a drink. There are a few vacant Exec positions 15. Send to (anag.) - a for- 14. Stringed instrument (7) Women’s Officer eign port (6) 16. Depart from the main remaining. There’s something for everyone, and it’s darn Protects Women’s interests at University, in terms of child- 18. Taking dimensions (9) subject (7) good for your CV. If you’re successfully elected onto Exec, care, welfare, education and safety. Liaise with national 20. To follow closely (3) 17. Fish-one that’s sleeping! then you can also take part in an accreditation scheme, equiv- women’s organisations on matters of concern, and report 21. Mournful song (5) (6) alent to 2 credits at NVQ level 4 - well worth having. It’s run back to exec and Student Council. 23. One who has a patron 18. King with the golden by the Skills Development programme, in conjunction with (7) touch (5) the Surrey Open College Federation, and involves keeping Returning Officer and 2 deputies 24. Part of animal - unsuit- 19. Murmur angrily (5) records of what you do during your elected time, and giving able for making a silk purse! 22. untrained - war’s com- a short presentation at the end of the year. Jointly responsible for making sure all the elections for the (4,3) ing up! (3) sabbatical officers and any referendums, go smoothly (??). The vacant positions are: Good for you if you like organising, and have some ideas Solution to no. 79 General Secretary Across: 1.wicks 4.marshal 8.largest 9.strip 10.cran for this year’s elections. Don’t forget it’s also an Helps out the Union Chairperson with the Student Council 11.Jonathan 13.bandit 14.closed 18.jodhpurs 20.zinc NUS referendum year this time! 22.levee 23.bumpkin 24.perusal 25.tarry meetings; assists the Internal Affairs officer sort out and If you want more advise or information please see any of Down: 1. Wolf-cub 2.certain 3.seem 4.motion 5.rascally manage all the clubs and societies and gets involved with the Union or sabbatical officers. Nomination forms are 6.harsh 7.lupin 12.limpness 15.sticker 16.decency 17.tribal External Affairs such as NUS liaison, Community action, available from the presidents’ office, and nominations stay 18.julep 19.Dover 21.smut etc. Helps if you’re good at writing and wording, as you’ll open until the post has been filled. Crossword compiled by Jeff Blackham have to do minutes, agendas, etc. ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Reviews Thursday 15th October1998 n

Truman Show (PG) Game Review - Colin McRae Rally

reviewed by Laura Knight and Daniel Jones Author: Codemasters Price: £34.99 range of Director: Peter Weir Format: PC CD 3d accel- Starring: Jim Carrey, Ed Harris and Laura erator Linney A new release, Colin McRae Rally is cards, it a driving simulation that appeared promises Having a multitude of cameras trained on soci- almost out of the blue from to look ety is the reality of every town centre or univer- Codemasters (They wrote Dizzy on good on sity campus. However, imagine those cameras the Spectrum years ago). At a time almost trained on you and only you..... Everyone’s when it appears that most quality dri- any heard about the film and knowing the storyline ving games, like Gran Turismo and V- machine. beforehand detracts from the impact of the fas- Rally are only being made for the On a mid- cinating and sinister concept - an insight into the Playstation, does this new offering dle of the monstrosity of television. The last thing you’d give the PC owners what they have road PC it blows the socks off any- want then is someone telling you how Truman’s been waiting for? Well, read on and thing on the consoles at the moment. every moment from birth is braodcast live to find out… Nice touches, like the way scenery televisions around the globe, without his knowl- will become translucent if it blocks edge, and on nearing his thirtieth birthday he With a lucrative licence in their pock- your view, and the smooth look of the finally summons up enough curiosity to propell et, Codemasters really have pulled out ground and scenery help to get away the film into action. all the stops in creating an enjoyable from the blocky feel that was a major driving simulation. It is often said that problem with Screamer Rally. The Truman Show is a topical film in light of it is more difficult to create an accu- the popularity of fly-on-the-wall documentaries rate rally sim, because of the much The sound is reasonably well execut- and seems the ultimate extension of peoples wider variety of tracks. Using the ed, with both Colin McRae and his co- apparent desire to feed from the lives of others. highly successful TOCA Touring Car pilot featuring extensively through the It is, of course, is not Ace Ventura but it is also engine, the game has been masterfully game. Engine and terrain noises have not the intellectually moral comment it could created. With 8 different countries to also been faithfully added and well have been. Gattaca, directed by Andrew Niccol race in, and each country having 6 or used. McRae also has a section of the who wrote this, deals with contol by DNA, 7 stages the game’s lifespan is huge. game all to himself, where he teaches rather than Television, in a far more sophisticat- Stages also feature different terrain you the basics of rallying in Driving ed manner. The Truman Show nonetheless from gravel to mud and snow, and the School. The school is definitely worth seems very clever - we’re watching them sky can also be clear or raining with a completing, because it makes it watching him but aren’t we also directly watch- host of other possibilities. One of the MUCH easier to drive the cars. ing him? The cinematography, meanwhile, is nice touches about CMR is that the car Network play for up to 8 people can candescant like any respectable low-brow soap gradually gets dirtier as you drive be organised from the one CD, or 2 might be. Potential moments of genius, though, around, something that hasn’t been can play split-screen on one computer. are robbed from the film by the wealth of pre- done before. Overall, this is probably the best rally publicity it has been estowed - what might have style driving sim that you can get at been subtle is in your face. 7/10 The graphics are incredibly well pol- the moment, and well worth shelling ished, as you would expect from a out money for. Theatre Watch game that demands a 3d accelerator. Grade: A. Must Buy! Marker: Gareth The picturesque Yvonne Arnaud Theater plays (01483) 440000 or pick up a leaflet from the With direct support for a massive Harmer host to a plethora of shows and plays. Situated on Union front desk. Comedy Millbrook, it can be easily reached by foot from the bottom of Guildford town centre. Coming up Guildford Civic Hall (tel 444555) at the top of I think it is fair to say that the comedy as part of Guildford Book Festival, there is the ele- town past McDonalds, plays host to general enter- network is the best-kept secret out of gantly titled ‘The Celebrated Jumping Frog’, a tainment extravaganzas from Paul Merton on 21st all the University Ents. Every other tribute to Mark Twain on Friday 23 Oct at 8pm for Oct to Paul McKenna on 8th Nov and as if there week, top comedians and others come- one night only. From Thursday 29th to Saturday weren’t enough opportunities to hear Seventies dy acts just starting out, take to the 31 Oct, ‘All Passion Spent’ tells the story of elder- tunes in Guildford, Boogie Night Fever returns on stage in the Helyn Rose bar, and pro- ly adventure and youthfull stagnation. the 30th Oct. vide everyone with a really good night out. On Monday 5th. It was headlined The big Film versus Theatre debate (if there is The 25th Anniversary Tour of The Rocky Horror by Tony Burgess and supported by one) can be solved with The Guildford School of Show reaches the Ambassador, Woking on Oct Anvil Springstein. Anvil was clearly Actings presentation of ‘Steel Magnolias’ this 19th B/O (O1483) 748 303 from ‘up north as shown by his set weekend from Wednesday 14th Oct to Saturday consisting of jokes about how hard his 17th Oct. The National Theatre are currently in Never forget that the Electric Theatre also offers an Geordie children are and his funny residence showing ‘The Invention Of Love’ until excellent variety of entertainment. Watch this scally mates from Liverpool. Tony Saturday 24th Oct, a play by Tom Stoppard. For space for further details or call 01483 444 789 for Burgess was really funny, doing gags more information call the Booking Office on information. about Jerry Springer and a neat, wry routine of observational humour.

Its almost impossible to describe what its like at a comedy night, so why dont you find out for yourself on Monday 19th October.

Martin Bigpig

Martin Bigpig,who hails from Northern Ireland, headlines this night. Martin Bigpig is a multi-skilled per- former, delighting audiences with his array of circus and cabaret skills. Martin has performed extensively in Britain and Ireland, having appeared at all the major festivals. Support is from Jack Russell, who has performed many times at the Edinburgh fringe festival. He is a snappy, sharp confident come- dian who likes nothing more than putting down the rowdier members of Jack Russel the audience. ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:38 Page 11 (1,1)

Thursday 15th October1998 n Surrey Pride 11 Stiffy’s Column Rudity is Astroturf nudity! Pills, Thrills and Bellyaches by Paul Cliff Sports Editor Well it certainly had the build up, and it cer- arrival he had to wait for five minutes while Forgive me if I appear a little short tempered of mischievous things to the Welsh tainly had the full support when the time the assistant went out the back to get some in this weeks Editorial but you have caught Internationals brain, never mind not doing a came. I refer of course to the Rugby and more as the shelves were bare! me in complete agony after a weekend knee great deal to cure his progressive baldness. Netball social event last Tuesday held at the injury (bearable pain) just forced me to visit At this juncture I hand you over to Boxing Varsity. It all started with a nice friendly game Being the kind-hearted man that I am I decid- the Sports Massage Therapist, Andy Goring, correspondent, Gavin Berman, for a live of Netball! The concept of this game had ed that Messrs Gary and AJ had earned their for, unlikely as it may seem, some Sports report; some of the rugby boys flummoxed from the come uppance and punished them according- Massage Therapy (unbearable pain). It may outset! And as for the rules, well...... no clos- ly. This, however, backfired on yours truly do me all the good in the world but it bloody Gav’s Ranting Geese. er than three feet, footwork (sounds like a within two minutes as I found myself stand- hurts. All I really want to say is ‘about bloody trainer manufacturer) and this bizarre fact ing in the middle of the Varsity, downing a time’. After what seems like an absolute about throwing the ball too far! Now picture pint with my rugby club tie safely tied around As almost all of you will know, facing an eternity to me, the two greatest heavyweight this...... the light is dimming, the lovely my family jewels!!! Well, if you can’t beat injured spell, when you live for sport, can be boxers of the moment (alright so there’s not Netball ladies are ready and willing and the ‘em, join ‘em! Ensuing this rather public dis- extremely frustrating and an altogether much around) are as they say in the trade, rugby boys are wearing stupid hats and play from the 1st XV front row a group of unpleasant experience. Indeed, this appears ‘gonna get it on’. Early in 1999, February or singing! The game of course was a foregone partially dressed freshers (men and women) to be shared by a remarkable amount of peo- March are the favourite months in Las conclusion with Netball absolutely stuffing were made to run around the Astroturf in the ple at the moment, as a large number of Vegas, Lennox Lewis the WBC champion, us, I mean how are we supposed to get used pitch black. This stunt I think would have Surrey Sports individuals are currently ‘out’ will be given the opportunity to whip the to playing a game that doesn’t involve smash- proved more enjoyable if the Hockey club through injury. This is especially true at the sorry arse of Evander Holyfield, relieving ing into people? had still been playing but Ajay managed to moment in the Football club, but seems to him of the burden of his IBF and WBA title The only place to be after the game was of provide his own form of entertainment by be mirrored presently by many other sports. belts. It used to be so simple when one man course the bar! It was hats off to the f and b running back into the room and promptly col- What is more worrying is the number of was the champion of the world and that was people over at the Varsity as the food tasted lapsing and causing panic. Eventually he was sportsmen and women who don’t seem to it. Today there are three men who have delicious and many a plate was returned for fine. Our noble sports officer was next to the use the available facilities to treat their ‘earned’ the right to call himself the ockey as he (like his injuries. On my way to see Andy on Heavyweight Champion of the World. Two Tuesday afternoon, I encountered several captain before him) of them have been mentioned here already, team mates who informed me that they were bared all for the while the other one is awful, unfit to call currently injured. None of these individuals crowd and dismissed himself world champion until he beats had sought any treatment whatsoever and a pint with dazzling someone decent, which he won’t, coz he’s seemed content to simply wait and hope for panache! The final crap. It is time to get some respectability the best. call of the evening back into the ring, after the last couple of was of course nudity years of ear biting and a general apathy sur- Andy Goring is a fully qualified Sports and almost everyone rounding the heavyweight division, an Massage Therapist who specialises in the obliged, and thus undisputed champion is the way forward. manipulation of soft tissue for the preven- made it easier for By spring 1999 the world will realise that tion and rehabilitation of sports injuries. The those without better the planets most talented heavyweight is Union has agreed, this year, to subsidise the halves to procure from these fair Isles. And it aint Herbie cost of Sports Physiotherapy for Sports Club one! Hide, coz he’s crap. student members by contributing half of the Rant ended. £10 charge, so it only costs you a fiver, pro- The fun however viding that you are a holder of a Sports On a brighter note, Tuesday 13th October didn’t end there as Registration Card. The treatment, despite will see the latest SRA National Squash before I knew it there being admittedly painful, is bloody good League meeting taking place at the Varsity seconds. As is the forte within the rugby club were about 40 people in two stag hill rooms, and has received glowing reports from all Centre as Paul Johnson, the new England for not only playing a stylish and attractive i.e. some bright spark had the idea of contin- those people I have spoken to who have ben- no.1, leads UniS against UWIC in group C. game, the drinking games proved to be mani- uing the evening through the means of a party efited from his expert Massage and advice. Lottery funding has led to the SRA League acal! Rob Rock kicked it all off by downing at my house! It certainly was fun, security For more details, or to book an appointment, becoming the biggest in the world and its two pints in a row (one complete with came to check if we were all OK (which was contact Andy Goring on 01483 452028. latest expansion into 3 area groups of five sausage and mash) followed by team boat nice!) and everyone seemed to think that any Don’t let it get you down, get it seen to! teams begins at Tuesday’s event. With only races. Here the Netball girls developed a cun- part of the house could be used to vomit in! one leading English player absent from the ning new tactic in that if they couldn’t finish Wildfire rumours are going that the toilets While we’re on the subject of sporty bods team lists and a healthy contingent of top all their pint they simply threw the remainder were being used for a purpose which I’m sure not doing what’s good for them, a whole foreign players, the league looks in a healthy all over the nearest rugby player! The Balloon wasn’t intended by their creator. Thank you plethora of drug and alcohol related prob- position, with a fine crop of juniors waiting game was also a great chance for more wild AJ and Adam for delivering to us two of the lems seems to have beseeched the world of to blood themselves against the very best. and daring antics with balloons being passed most vile drinks imaginable! Still, a good football this week. What with Gazza’s four More on this event in next weeks pages of under chins and between legs! Mr Meharg time was had by all, big hand to CJ and day drinking binge and manager instigated Surrey Pride. and AJ were again continuing their quest to Bimbo for organising it all and a big hand to admission to a drying out clinic, followed by humiliate and embarrass any first year who all who attended and made the evening such a Paul Merson’s tearful empathy for his team I wish all of you the very best for the com- mates plight and then the allegations of was stupid enough to listen to them. One defining moment in Surrey pride. As the say- ing fixtures on Wednesday and Saturday widespread drug abuse in Italy’s Serie A, young lad (Jamie Crocker) was forced to run ing goes: get your chin off your chest and go which I will be supporting fervently whilst you begin to wonder what other star names to Tesco’s and ask for a tube of KY jelly! On again...... !!!!!?????*********# my enforced absence from the action con- The Boy Davis will be added to notoriety alongside the tinues. Give them a large dose of Surrey likes of Greaves, Best, Adams and more Pride. A final mention must go to two very Reserves Stand Alone As USFC Crash On Saturday recently Merson and Gascoine. When you mischievous boys whose antics have come As England failed to impress a 72,000 crowd year team went down 6-1 away to Guilford also consider the ridiculous actions of John to light over the last week. Firstly, a very big at Wembley on Saturday afternoon, USFC did Railway Old Boys despite a typical mazey Hartson in his much publicised attack on tut-tut to Trapdoor for his duplicitously cun- their best to mimic the terrible display at our Pythagorus goal from Richie Pattison. fellow West Ham player, Emil Berkovic, the ning culinary adventure with the ‘Space own level of football. The first team went Similarly disappointing results followed for nations tabloid football columns begin to Dumplings’, and to newly elected Sports down 4-1 at home to Wrecclesham with two the B team (losing 4-1 at home to Hambledon look more like a script from Hill Street Executive, Steve Russell, who may like a USFC players sent off. The first, Trigger with our only goal coming from USM Carter) Blues. Anyone who read the Times sporting good shuffle, but we’d prefer if he ruffled Miller, was dismissed from the touchline for and the GI reserves or D team losing 2-0 at section on Monday may have spotted Mr. his curtains first. That’s all. attempting to advise the referee on how he home to league leaders Pyrford reserves. Hartson featuring as an endorsement for an should have a handled a particularly viscious advert for laser hair replacement therapy. foul on winger Richie Bedford, who was him- The overall disaster of the day did nothing to Spending all day under a high power laser Do it for sport; do it for self sent off minutes later for contesting an stop the lads enjoying their Saturday evening ‘hair dryer’ seems to have done all manner The Surrey Pride offside decision. An 85th minute consolation however, as the Freshers Intro Disco in the Dictionary Corner goal from James Ashton typified the standard Lower Bar was a fantastic success making a finger (‘finge) n. any of the digits of the hand. of officiating in what was described as an tidy profit for the Club. Loopy juice flowed, finger (‘finge) n. the length or width of a finger used as a unit of measurement. attrocious performance. Gutzy’s birthday celebrations continued with finger (‘finge) v. to release, most effectively in a public place, or in a widely distributed medi- a second ‘mucky’ and a good time was had by um, the identity of a football bird seen leaving a nightclub with an individual so that ‘everyone The Reserve team kept the Yellow and Blue all. Many thanks to Berman, Burman and now know’s what she’s been up to’. flags flying however, in a 6-0 away demoli- Samuels on the decks (Good Work Fellas!) Footnote found under this entry; the final definition can be used under either of two different tion of Grayshott Reserves, with goals from and all those who helped to man the door. circumstances. Firstly, if you are either unknown or relativley immune to the person who you fin- captain Dwayne Guillaine (2), new boy Shame about the bloody freshers though! ger then this is known as a safe finger. If you are known to her, her name is Slugger and she is Dominic Walker (2), Si ‘Collar’ Roche and likely to break every bone in your body before removing your testicles and feeding them to you with a dash of Tabasco sauce, then this, Mr. Russell, is known as a dangerous finger. Fresher Sumner. The Graduate and Industrial Stiffy ed981015.qxd 25/11/98 21:39 Page 12 (1,1)

Surrey Pride

bers. This years new fat boys includ- Tai Chi, My Experience ed “Homer” (a.k.a. mad psychotic My first experience of Tai Chi Chuan (full ren- aggression, this is the aim of the Tai Chi train- Canadian, favourite TV programme dering of Tai Chi), came one morning as I woke ing. The core of this training is the Tai Chi South Park (for the artistic con- with a terrible hangover, the result of another form. The form is a series of movements per- tent)), “Yeti” (Statistics huge: night of excess. The sun had not long risen and formed in a set pattern. This pattern is spe- “damn I can’t strain my neck any the land was brand new, still covered in itswrap- cially designed to gently work the body, sys- further” by “is that a car you’re hid- ping of fresh dew, there upon the grass my tematically.opening joints and gently working ing behind your back?”), and “The friend; an oriental; was practicinghis Tai Chi. muscles. It is performed as a meditation and King” (Apparently rockin’ an’ His movements were slow, precise and with a often has a very soothing effect on the mind. rollin’ his way back from the dead to natural flow, they were light and graceful and aid us on our crusade). The ranks of yet had a solid earthy quality to them that was I am not naturally very gifted at sports and non fat boy players has been equally unlike anydance that I had ever seen. At that have avoided competitive activities because of well swelled (cheerleaders could time my life was filled with excess; drinking, a lack of confidence in my physical abilities. I help further…), but lacking a whole drugs smoking, either to little sleep or to much- found the environment of the Tai Chi class page to write on I won’t mention sleep, stressful relationships and needless anxi- verycomfortable, a place where you could any of them this time. ety. His practice seemed balanced andwhole- develop skills at your own pace, where ability The Glorious rout of Kent 1997 (how many touch downs was that Dan?)Picture: Chris Pye. some; it instantly appealed to me.My friend’s is nurtured rather than drummed in to you. Tai Anyone interested in playing A month before our first match things are looking up. English was not good and I didnot manage to Chi is by and large a non-competitive activ- should come training to the varsity 12:00 on Sundays From the sideline the coaches can be heard mumbling learn much from him, we were both travelling ityand there is none of the belts or gradings or 19:00 Tuesdays. All you need is trainers or boots, about having a more developed team than at the same and it was not long before we parted company, that are to be found in other martial arts. shorts and a old t-shirt. Alternatively talk to any of us time last year, and varsity staff complain that we but I did not forget what I had seen. Some time When you participate you do so for your own lumbering around campus. Cheerleaders should never use to need this many changing rooms. So all in after arriving back in England I started going to benefit, no one else is going to pressure you to apply to “Nice guy” Dave (it’s ironic) at all American football has got off to an excellent start. local classes. succeed. [email protected] . For the rest of you we’ll see We are yet to play our first match, and eagerly await- you down the Ram on Thursday. Thanks to all the ing our first outing, to obliterate the Bristol Bullets Tai Chi is one of a family of martial arts known It has been four years since my first Tai Chi guys who have come down to training this season. (Away 8th November). as internal arts. Ba gua, Xing I, and Chi Gong lesson, and the enjoyment that it gives me has By Marcus Mayers Stingers President (don’t ask The team has picked up a better than usual quota of are also of the same family. The main princible steadily increased. I practice every day and about my moniker..) freshers, and a surprising number of other new mem- involved in using Tai Chi as a means of self- would hate to miss one. defense is to yield to force in such a way as to unbalance our attackerwhile remaining balanced To learn Tai Chi it is very important to find a University of Surrey MHC 5 Croydon MO 2 and in a position to counter the attack. This is good teacher. I have been fortunate enough to Despite a greatly improved performance, the sec- stitutions in the 15th minute Surrey took the lead by far easier totalk about than to actually do, but have met Aarvo Tucker and have studied with onds slumped to a narrow defeat against poor oppo- James after a fine string of passes. that does not matter because the training that him for the last year. Aarvo himself has lived sition. However, the result does not give a true gives the long-term practitioner this ability is with and learned from two great masters dur- reflection of a game which Surrey just shaded in At half time, further substitutions and a reshuffle left very good for your physical health and mental ing his fifteen years in the Far East. He is terms of territorial advantage. Unfortunately the ball Surrey caught out by a more adventurous and cre- well being. To be able to yield to attack and so nowpassing on his knowledge and skill at local was lost twice during promising attacks and with ative Brighton who equalised and shortly after went to effectively use the Tai Chi movements in self classes. If you would like to find out more swift maneouvres (and a lucky deflection off a post) ahead as Surrey looked to regain the initiative. The defense means that the practitioner must have aboutTai Chi, Ba gua, or Chi Gong you can Brighton gleefully took advantage of both opportu- rest of the half saw Surrey mount frequent attacks acute awareness of his own body alignment talk to James at the Union food and bev. office nities. Both teams had started well with Rookie but, despite some poor clearances from Brighton, (good posture) and the ability to remain relaxed or phone Aarvo and Mei Chi on 01428 goalkeeper, Mike {Good nickname - Sports Ed.}, we were unable to strike back. in body and mind unflustered by some one else’s 741044. making a crucial save early on. Soon after two sub- Ed Groenhart Ladies Take A Shoeing , Slugger Takes A Fall Surrey Seconds Edged Out By Brighton Farnborough Ladies FC 11 USWFC 2 Surrey MHC 2nd XI 1 Brighton MHC 2nd XI 2 Following a late change in our start time we managed 2-1 to Surrey. Last Wednesday afternoon The game began at a furious lined as substitute keeper to get 2 teams, and 2 umpires at the Varsity for 2:45 When our Captain returned to the field of play (full saw the Uni Womens pace with Farnborough look- Rowena played magnificent- (no Julia nobody is blaming you). We were of course of remorse), Croydon’s numerical advantage was, of Football Club travel to ing very capable indeed. It ly to only let two more goals early enough to watch the girls beat their opposition. course now gone. Surrey began to “Boss” the match. Farnborough in a fantastic took all the concentration of in. Across the midfield Erika Despite the absence of their inspirational skipper, Goals from the BMX Bandit, Freshie and Sumo’s display of organisational the Surrey back four to keep looked superb, Lene was Margi “The blonde fist” Clarke. It appears Emma memorable “Drag Flick?????” (Pitched short of a prowess which crowned them the score goalless over the solid and wingers Di and had an early morning rendezvous at the clinic. length catching the keeper coming forward). Best Organised and first ten minutes but when the Hannah worked hard for Elsa Administered Club at last Farnborough number 11 fired and Charlotte up front. First When Croydon arrived I was amazed at the sheer The score was now 5-1, with Croydon grabbing a years Colours Ball. Taking in a shot from 8 yards there choice keeper Clare came size of their team. I instantly began to worry about late consolation goal. However it was inevitable that with them two famed bas- was nothing that our keeper back on at right wing in the some of our smaller members of the team. My con- Surrey would take the points. The season therefore tions of Surrey Sport as dri- could do. 1-0. Surrey came second half and looked cerns were justified as for the first 10 minutes they bodes well. Following last week’s draw with a team ver and reserve referee (Curly back firing however, and inspired fuelling speculation preceded to use their physical advantage breaking we had always lost to, and this week’s victory over still awaits cruel revenge!!), egged on by a fine band of that this may be her natural down play whenever they lost possession. Once a team, which our games had always resulted in support was gauranteed in a travelling support we position. The rest of the game more inconsistency reared it’s ugly head. Following draws. Dare I say it, surely Europe Beckons? manner typifying all that is equalised as Di poked the ball past without too much further Jan’s dismissal last week for a tackle from behind Surrey Pride. Stopping at the home from two yards. 1-1. incident except for Slugger’s every Croydon challenge appeared to have that ori- Finally, after last week’s article, when I strived to Varsity to pick up a whistle Within minutes Surrey Nobbie Styles like challenges gin. These bully boy tactics however proved to be to make ambiguous the identity of the “mystery (Russel, tuck your shirt in!) remarkably went 2-1 up as a and Curly getting a knock on no avail as the guile and cunning of Dirky our for- Football Birrrrrd”. I was confronted by her and told the journey to Farnborough long ball from the midfield her knee and a bruise that eign import soon saw Surrey’s Pride 1 up. “it was obvious that it was me, everybody now bordered on the comical as was beautifully headed past she’s very proud of! knows what I’ve been up to!!!”. This was of course Slugger James navigated the the Farnborough keeper by With 15 minutes gone Croydon’s 6 foot 4 Centre never my intention and I’m sure that not everybody route with all the accuracy one of her defenders. At 2-1 The disappointing result did Forward “Knobbled” our 5 foot 4 Centre Back who knew it was you. Notwithstanding this, I offer my and precision of a concrete and looking quite fluent in nothing to dampen the girls had just returned from injury. Our veteran was told sincerest apologies to Holly James (all enquiries to elephant tiptoeing through the middle of the park, the spirits, unlike the magnificent to warm up. Soon thrust into the “action areas” be sent to Guildford PO Box 502/605). the Tulips. Surrey support dared to hope culinary hospitality offered Foggy 04/10 it was clear to me that our teams man Edgar Barnes Wallace. for a victory. Alas, it wasnt to by Farnborough (anyone for marking was as poor as a Union based Tattooist on Finally arriving at the venue, be. pizza?? - 1 slice per person), Charter Ball night. Despite this Sumo added another we found that Surrey no and the songs on the journey goal and Surrey appeared to be coasting. longer needed to provide a Cheered on from the adjoin- home made a football and referee as Farnborough had ing playground of a local pri- rugby player with ten years of Croydon to their credit dug in deep. Our ageing confirmed that they had one mary school, Farnborough Surrey between them blush Libero under constant pressure appeared to lose the to the Sports Office on soon began to dominate and like a Fresher at intro week. ability of hitting the ball, with 3 bouncing bombs Monday. This was a shock to as the goals rained in it took Many thanks to Boy Davis being hit “Damnbuster” style (sorry for the painful all of the team (or so we every ounce of Surrey Pride for driving here there and memory Gutsy). believed at the time!) and to keep the girls chins up of everywhere throughout the profuse apologies were their chests. With a half time day (and night!), and hats off A rash noisy challenge by Jan led to a stern talking accepted with offers to run score of 9-2, skipper Foghorn to Slugger who enjoyed her to by Tony the Umpire, and all Surrey’s “house the line (if only I’d known the Wright had a lot to do at the day so much she didnt even points” for their controlled disciplined Hockey were truth then!). The teams ran break to focus the team on the need to get in to Bojanglez to gone. Moments later our captain put in an unneces- out with Surrey sporting their positive aspects of their per- go home, break a window and sary challenge (perhaps his mind was focused on the away ‘Inter Milan’ kit whislt formance. And their were hide in the Electricity cup- 18:40 to Cardiff). This challenge was later than the the home side wore the elab- quite a few - honest! board for half the night. payment of Scouser’s match fees. Resulting in the orate fluorescence of Dangerbird! skipper spending 10 minutes behind the goal. Borrussia Dortmund and a Some great performances in fantastic afternoon of the second half from back Reserve Referee and Weds Following a superb individual goal by Croydon’s European total football was four Clare P., Holly, Rachel Fixture Secretary Centre Half, which even had the umpire applauding, anticipated. and Hannah W. were under- Advisor/Killer meant the teams went in at half time with the score