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2000 The Amicus Curiae (Vol. 10, Issue 8)

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The Ambulance Chaser is Back! See Insert . The • • mlCUS urlae VOLUMEX.ISSUEEIGHT MOJ-..TDA Y,APRlL 24, 2000 WILLIAM & MARY SCHOOL OF LAW Marshall-WytheWelcomes And .They're Off... On the its New Faculty Members Annual PSF Paper Chase

By Rod Frazior faculty ofCirdozo Law School. ., ... f e~.·. ~ t' it! ~ ~ .. :~ . j;. . '. "~ . .' r ;t. -~ lIJ:~ The talent pool of Marshall-Wythe's New professor Richard Hynes comes faculty gets even better next year with the to Marshall-Wythe frommegafirrnSkadden addition of 5 new professors of law. The Arps' Los Angeles office where he is an incoming faculty members hail from di- associate. Professor Hynes is brand new verse locations and bring an impressive to the art of teaching and is looking for­ list of life experiences and academic cre- ward to sharing his considerable knowl­ dentials to the school. edge of corporate finance, contracts, Some students are already familiar with secured transactions, securities regula­ incoming professor John Duffy, who was tion, and corporations. Professor Hynes a visiting professor at Marshall-Wythe attended Georgetown for his undergradu­ last fall. He is coming from Cardozo Law ate education, where was Phi Beta Kappa, School in New York where he teaches and then earned his law degree from Chi­ torts, intellectual property, constitutional cago LawSchool where he became a mem­ law, and administrative law. Professor ber of the Order of the Coif. Professor Duffy gradlfated from Harvard with a de­ Hynes also earned a degree in Economics gree in physics, and then received his J.D. at the University of Pennsylvania. from Chicago Law School where he was Professor JimDwyerisjoiningus from Photo bv Lauren Fassler Articles Editor of the Law Review and the Wyoming Law School were he is cur­ The dedicated runners set off to raise money for PSF. became a member ofthe Order ofthe Coif. rently an assistant professor and has been Professor Duffy clerked for Judge Will­ spe.cializing in family law. After graduating By Lauren S. Fassler race, participants hung out at the Recre­ iams on the United States Court of Ap­ (Phi Beta Kappa) from Boston College, On a sunny and windy Sunday after­ ation Center front yard, sharing the runner's peals for the D.C. circuit after law school where he was valedictorian. Professor noon, thirty runners and walkers, primarily high while they stretched their muscles, and then for Justice Scalia on the United Dwyer then proceeded on to Yale Law students and professors from the Law talked, and ate the refreshments donated ., States Supreme Court. School and then on to Stanford where he School, took the scenic route around cam­ by Manhattan Bagels. Between clerkships Professor Duffy earned a Ph.D. in Philosophy. Professor pus in the Public Service Fund's annual 5k Even though they might not have come practiced law at the United States Depart­ Dwyer was a Visiting Assistant Professor run, the Paper Chase. in flISt in the race, five lucky Paper Chase ment of Justice, Office of Legal Counsel. at Chicago Law School after serving as a The racers started at the Recreation participants won prizes in the door prize Professor Duffy was an associate with Law Guardian for the Family Court of the Center, headed toward Richmond Road, drawing, including a William and Mary Covington and Burling prior to joining the See New Professors 011 5 circled around the University Center, and golf shirt and hat and gift certificates from then passed Swem Library and William Bikebeat, Peninsula Family Skating Cen­ and Mary Hall to the finish line by the ter, and Bikesmith. Marshall-Wythe M'akes Recreation Center tennis courts. Two laps Devon McGinty, the grade school-age around made up 5k, or 3.1 miles.Lee Harrel, daughter ofCommonwealth Attorney Mike 2L, cameinflIst at21 :33, followed by Mark McGinty, who ran the Paper Chase with National News with the Jackson, 2L, and Sung Choi, 3L, at 22: 16 her dad imd her dog, was all smiles, when and 22:51, respectively. Angela Stewart, h~r name was called for the Bikesmith gift 2L, was the fastest woman runner, finish­ certificate. Race Chair Sung Choi said he IBRL Death Penalty ing in 26 minutes, 33 seconds. was happy with the turnout for the Paper All the runners and walkers, sporting Chase, formerly called the Ambulance yellow Tribe racing t-shirts, raised more Chase. Con f e r e n c e than $450, said Paper Chase chair Sung Next year, though, he said PSF hopes Choi. Additional funds were raised through to coordinate with other College and By Eric N a'kano & Katie Riley dozen distinguished panelists. PrOfessor the co-sponsorship of Hunton & Will­ Williamsburg city groups in order to make The Institute of Bill of Rights Law Dave Douglas introduced the conference iams. a lame Virginia law firm.After the the race more of a community event. conference entitled "Religion's Role in the with a brief history of how religious atti­ Administration of the Death Penalty" was tudes influence t1!e use of the death pen­ quite possibly the most impressive event alty. The first panel, entitled "Official In this Issue at the law school this year. Not only was Duties," gave an overview of the current the. event written up in the local paper, the state of capital punishment in America. Elvis has left the building...... p 2 Ambulance Chaser insert...... p 7 Daily Press, it was also on the front page The Honorable Stanley Felman, Justice of of the Washington Post. What made the the Arizona S~preme Court commented Marcus leads students in study J efflooks back on his intramu- conferenFe so newsworthy was Pat that the attitude about punishing criminals onjury instructions...... p 4 ral career...... , .... p 12 Robertson's announcement that there has now changed compared to when he should be a moratorium on the death pen­ became a judge. Historically, death pen­ alty until the problems associated with the alty convictions were rare and revenge in Don Martin gives his view on Sari gets anxious for administration of the death penalty can be punishment was to be avoided, but now Orrin Hatch as graduation graduation ...... p 13 fixed. revenge is confused with justice. Bryan speaker...... p 6 And Pat Robertson's statements were St~venson , Esq., the Executive Director of the most conservative of the entire confer­ the Equal Justice Initiative of Alabama ence. The conference featured over a See Death Penalty on 5

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2 ==~~~~~==;=~:=:::::;:======lMonda y, April 24, 2000 THE AMICUS From the Editor's Desk Attention People "Elvis Has Left the Building" And H e Ain't Coming . Back The results ofthe Elvis referendum are in The Amicus applauds the students who tapestry of a tiger has to do with Elvis? and Elvis is coming down. By a nearly took the initiative to clean up an eyesore The fact is it was well past time for Elvis two to one margin, (154 to 83) the that was well pastthe time where it might to come down. In deference to the student body has decided that it is time have meant something to someone. A largely 3L opposition. the SBA has for Elvis to go away. Now to begin with tradition is supposed to be something decided to leave Elvis up mi.til the end of this was such a silly thing to get so upset handed down from class to class, the year and then take him down over the about. After all the time on the wall it had something to cherish and nurture, not summer. This is a fair decision because ..become an eyesore and was in need of something you just leave on the wall to the 3L's won't have to have their hearts cleaning. Furthermore no one, ~utside collect dust. broken by seeing Elvis come down next of the 3L class, seemed to know why it Furthermore the vicious reaction by year since they will have graduated. was there at all-. How can you have a some students was just. deplorable. Surely something will go up in Elvis' tradition ifno one knows about it? The Harassmentandintimidationonlyserved place and that too -will thrive for a time arguments for restoring Elvis seemed to to aggravate the situation and has a direct and then run its course as Elvis has. He center around the fact that since it had correlation to the fact that most 1L' sand has been put out of his misery and it is been up on the wall for so long we 2L'svoted for removing Elvis. time to move on. Mourning may come shouldn't dare to take it down now. To Now seriously couldn't we find after exams but there is no time now, but do so would be to destroy one our few something better to worry about. More who would thought there was time symbols of school spirit. . But no one people seemed to vote over this issue before. seemed to have a vested interest init or than did in the SBA elections. For crying they would have taken better care ofit. If out loud its just some silly and ugly it was so important why wasn't an effort tapestries pictures of Elvis. (You all made to pass on these feelings . of know he's dead right?) And would tradition and spirit to incoming students. someone please explain what in the hell a

T HE AMICUS CURIAE

\VilIiam & Mary School of Law P. o. Box 8795 Williamsburg, Virginia 23 187 (757) 221-3582 "Dedicated to the complete and objective reporting of student news and opinion" The End draws Nigh ~ It's tiDl Editor: Bob Ford News Editor: PamelaS. Jenkins Features Editors: Katie Riley & Sarah Kinsman for. exallls and graduation, I Business Editor: Tom VoekIer Copy Editor: CarollynJackson Photographer: LaurenS. Fassler also Illeans no· Illore ADlicus Reporters: Jim Black Nancy Lee We know you 're broken hearte Sara Benmeir Cameron Lynch TirnEmry EticNakano Rodney Frazior Jessica Norris but d.eal. Andrew Hampton JeffPolich Lee Harrell Shannon Wiley Audra Hale Catie Zaller Josh Herbst

Editorial Policy The letters and opinion pages of Th e Amicus are dedicated to all student opinion regardless ofform or content. The Amicus reserves Good Luck· on ExaDls to all the right to edit for spelling and grammar, but not content. Letters to the Editor may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the newspaper or its staff. All letters to the Editor should be submitted by 5 p.mon the Thursday prior to publication. Th e Amicus will not print a letter without confmnation of the author's name. We may, however, withhold the name on request. Letters over 500 words may be returned to the writer with a request that the letter be edited for the sake of space. Monday, April 24, 2000 THEA~ICUS;======r======3 Water Rights Discussed at Gun Liability Claims William & Mary D e b a. t e d By Eric Nakano trigger safety locks could reduce the num­ An audience of approximately 60 (in­ ber of accidental deaths resulting from By Katie Riley & Eric Nakano riparian system ofwater allocation and the cluding a large number from the commu­ children discovering their parent's weap­ The Environmental Law Review spon­ western prior-appropriation system. A. nity) gathered on March 30 for a debate on ons. Likewise, Henigan argued that gun sored their annual symposium, "Water Dan Tarlock, Distinguished Professor of the recent product liability claims against manufacturers support the trade in illegal Rights and Watershed Management: Plan­ Law at Chicago-Kent College ofLaw, spoke gun manufacturers being filed by cities weapons by over-supplymg certain mar­ ning for the Future" on Friday March 31 on "Property Rights in Water and Land across the nation. Favoring subjecting kets with the knowledge that many of the and Saturday April 1. The format of the and Watershed Management: Are the Two gun manufacturers to such suits was Den­ weapons will end up being illegally traf­ symposium was a set of three panels, each Compatible?" John Cannon, Professor of nis Henigan, Director of the Legal Action ficked. Lastly, Henigan argued it is neces­ featuring three speakers who discussed Law atthe UniversityofVirgirIia School of . Project at the Center to Prevent Handgun sary for the courts to provide the incentive papers ·they had written for the sympo­ Law, spoke on "Choices and Institutions Violence. Opposed was Paul Blackmun, to gun manufacturers to embrace safer SIum. in Watershed Management." Research Coordinator for the National Rifle designs and distribution techniques since On Friday morning, the fIrst panel fo­ Saturday morning, the third panel dis­ Association. Both speakers were able to the gun industry has been specifIcally cused on the political and cultural issues cussed the economic and scientific issues agree that gun violence is a tragic problem exempted from the Consumer Product of watershed marJagement and water law. of watershed management and water law. in America today, but were tillable to reach Safety Act and other safety regulations, John Echeverria, Associate Professor of Barton Thompson, Jr., the Robert E. Para­ any other common ground. noting that there is more safety regulation Law at Georgetown University Law Cen­ dise Professor of Natural Resources Law Henigan began his argument by citing over toy guns than real guns. ter, presented a talk entitled, "The Limits of at Stanford University School ofLaw, pre­ several statistics. Each year in America, To Blackmtm however, these suits are Collaborative Approaches to Watershed sented the paper "The Market for Nature." gunS kill 32,000people, and injure another an attempt to back-door gun control by Management: The Case ofthe Platte River" He argued that markets for water can work 100,000. Twelve children a day die from forcing gun manufacturers to accept re­ and set the stage for the conference by well for the allocation of water. Joseph gun violence. Every six hours a young strictions or go broke defending multiple detailing one example of watershed man­ Dellapenna, Professor ofLaw at Villanova person between the ages of 10 and 19 kill lawsuits fIled simultaneously in courts agement: the Platte River of Wyoming, University School ofLaw, completely dis­ themselves with a gun. According to across the country. Blackmun then argued Nebraska and Colorado. Kurt Stephenson, agreed with Professor Thompson. Pre­ Henigan, gun manufacturers should be that all of the measures proposed by Assistant Professor at V irgirIia Tech, gave senting a paper on "Why Markets for held liable for deaths and injuries caused Henigan were a sham, sayirIg that safeties the talk "Taking Nature Into Account: The Water Fail," Professor Dellapenna kept by a failure to incorporate reasonable safety and locks would drive consumer pri.ces up, Changing Role ofAnalysis & Negotiation referring to the Professor Thompson's features, such as integrated child-safety and would be unwanted features that con­ in Hydropower Relicensing." As an econo­ view as the "piddling affairs at the mar­ locks and magazine removal safeties into sumers would disable anyway. These mist, Professor Stephenson discussed the gins." The [mal paper was presented by their weapons. The magazine safety would, unwanted features, Blackmun reasoned, problems ofbalari.cing the opposing inter­ Professor Wendy Wagner from Case­ for example, prevent a gun from being fired were like cars that could not start unless ests of cheap power and the environment Western Reserve School of Law. She ifthe magazine is removed, a fairly common the seatbelts were fastened- a product that in relicensing dams. The difficulty ofbal­ spoke on "Trying to Go Upstream Without cause of accidental shootings. Integrated ancing various interests in watershed a Paddle: Enhancing Water Quality with managment became a major theme through­ Uncertain Science" and expressed the dif-' r------~~ out the symposium. The third paper was ficulties of presenting scientific evidence I given by Judith Royster, Professor of Law to judges and juries. ~~I/' I and Co-Director of the Native American Watershed management is especially \;~J;! :-•• _._._.Place I Law Certificate Program at the University important for all ofus , living where we do. I ofTulsa College ofLaw , on "Tribal Water Managed by Maryland, Virginia, and Rights in Riparian Systems." Her presen­ Washington D.C., the Chesapeake Bay I tation was a truly unique discussion of watershed program is one of the largest Don't forget: I whether Native Americans have historic watershed programs in the country. Wa­ I rights to water based on past use and tershed management, like alI environmen­ I whether Native American land allocations tal efforts is incredibly difficult. Many of I came with a guarantee of sufficient water the symposium's speakers stressed the 3S Express!! availability. importance of balancing all of the various Friday afternoon, the panel focused on interests involved. legal and ethical issues and the fIrst speaker The symposium was co-sponsored by We know our lines get long at was Robert Beck, Professor of Law at the the Chesapeake Bay Foundation and or­ Southern Illinois University School ofLaw. ganized by students Sarah Richardson lunch time! He spoke on "The Regulated Riparianism and Brian Perron. The papers presented at Model Water Code: Blueprint for the symposium will be published in the fall Now get your favorite Riparianism in the 21 st Century" which issue of the Environmental Law & Policy advocated the adoption of a model water­ Review. Caesar Salad, Chicken shed code to create ahybrid of the eastern Caesar Salad, Soup or Cranberry Farms Chickert Sandwich FAST!! Look for these items pre-made for you to the right of the soup bar. ~------~-~ 4 Monday, April 24, 2000 THE AMICUS • Death by Misunderstanding? Law Students Conduct Study of Jury Instructions

by Sarah Kinsman tion. The jury returned a death sentence. Ofthejurors receiving the requested clarification, Thecriminaljustice system places faith in juries. "It's unfathomable," Marcus said. "Thejury ini - only 29 percent thought they must imposethedeath Faith that they will pay attention to the testimony, tiates the question, says, 'We don't understand, ' penaltyifthey found heinousness. Only24 percent . that they will render a good decision, that theywill and the judge goes back and says reread the thoughtthedeathpenaltywasmandatoryifthey understand what they've been instructed to de­ instruction. That shouldn't happen, certainlynotin found future dangerousness. cide. a death penalty case." Marcus and other authors concluded that the ju­ But do they understand what they must decide? Weeks appealed, losing in Virginia and in the rorswhosentenced Weeks did not understand the Not always, according to a study done at William federal courts on habeas corpus proceedings, and law, and thatjurors who understood the rule were and Mary Law School last semester on jury in­ finally losing before the United States Supreme more likely to choose life imprisonment. Theyalso structions in a capital case. Sometimes, confusion Court. The study began after the Supreme Court said the Supreme Court's holding was incorrect in over jury instructions could lead to an improper decided to hear his case, and its findings were to be concluding thej ury did understand the law, thereby application ofthe law in capital sentencing. . presentedto the Court. . upholding the death sentence. Prof. Paul Marcus directed 12 law students in Marcus asked students in his criminal procedure 'The rnajoritysaid there was no evidence the actual gathering empirical data about the jury's compre­ class to assist with the study. One student, 2L jurors were confused, ''Marcus said 'Thoughthey hension ofjury instructions in the case ofLonnie Elizabeth Hobbs, volunteered. "I'm pretty inter- asked a question, the instruction was fair. Itwas Weeks, who was executed earlier this year in ested in criminal justice," Hobbs said, "and since not crystal clear, but the Court said(Weeks) got.all Virginia for killing a state trooper. The study haS I'vebeen inlaw school I've been more interested the due process he deserved." been detailed in an article co-written by Marcus in the death penalty." Hobbs also felt the Court came out the wrong way. and two colleagues in the latest volume of the Hobbs and other students called participants who "They said theyruled that the Constitutiondoesn 't Cornell Law Review. responded to ads in local papers, including the mandatefurtherjustice, when clearly(the instruc­ AjuryconvictedWeeks ofcapital murder in his Daily Press, the Flat Hat and the Virginia Ga- tion)wasnotsufficientforjustice, "she remarked. 1993 trial. He was the passenger in a stolen car zette. The students interviewed the 154 partici- None ofthe students met Weeks or became more \vhich Virginia State Trooper Jose Cavazos stopped pants, and presented the facts ofthe case ~nd th~ involved in the case beyond conducting the study. for speeding. Cavazos ordered Weeks out ofthe jury instructions to them. Yet, it made some think about their reactions to car, and as he got out, Weeks shot the trooper six "We were given a practical way to have a part in capital cases. times. this Supreme Court case," Hobbs said. "When I can1e to law school, I felt like 'You do the "There was no question of guilt, and it was a Another student, 2L Sheyna Burt, said she was crime,Youdothe~e," 'Btpisaid. 'Then I felt how horrendous crime," Marcus said, "but there was a struck by her participation in the project while these are real people, with real stories. Havingto ~erious auestiol1 if it was a death penalty case. home in Northern Virginia at Christmas. "Idrove deal with someone as real as Lonnie Weeks made There was a serious question ifthe jurors under­ over this bridge, and it was theJose Cavazos measkmyself, 'Wouidyoubeokaywithbemgon stood the jury instruction. The death penalty is not Bridge, " Burt said. "Ithought, 'Oh, theyrenamed aj ury and having to do this?' Theygiveinstructions supposed to work that way. It's supposed to be this bridge for the guy killed by the guy I'm trying to the jury that are bad enough, butifthejurors have clear, that there's no doubt." to help get offdeath row. ' Thatrea1ly drove it home to recommend someone' s Ii fe to end, shouldn't In the sentencing phase ofthe trial, the prosecution for me." . they understand what they're being asked to do? tried to prove two aggravating factors, the heinous­ Participants were split into three groups. One And here they didn't." ness ofthe crime and Weeks' dangerousness, as group, the 'no-question' group, received the in- The article, Correcting Deadly Confusion: Re­ support for the death penalty. structions and was not told to assume anything sponding to JUly Inquiries in Capital Cases, Defense attorneys presented much evidence in unusual had happened during the jury delibera- was written by Marcus with Prof. Stephen Garvey mitigation, from his background growing up as a tions. The second, the 'actual-reply'group was and Prof. Sheri Johnson, hoth of Cornell Law churchgoing basketball star, despite corning from a given the instruction, the actualjury's question, and SchooL It appears at 85 Cornell L.Rev.101 broken family, to his rej ection ofcollege basketball wastoldthat,uponaskingthejudgeforclarifica- (2000). Other students who assisted ~e 2L's scholarships so he could support his girlfriend and tion, the jurywas told to reread the instruction. The Steven Aase, Amy Bauer, Derek Brostek, Tameka child. He began selling marijuana, was arrested, third group, the 'requested-reply' group, was given Collier, Adam Doherty, Dan Graham, Lee Harrell, pleaded guilty, and received a three year sus­ the instruction and the actual jury' s question, but Marlene Harris, Jerry Mabe, and Shari Youtz. pended sentence with five years probation. He was given a clarification requested by the defense was 20 years old, and on probation when he stating that the jury"may give effect to the ~vidence murdered Cavazos. in mitigation by sentencing the defendant to life" Thejurywasconfused by an instruction that read, even ifan aggravating factor was fo~d, a correct "If...the Commonwealth has proved beyond a statement ofthe law. The mockjurors chose a reasonabledoubteitherofthetwoaltematives .. .then verdict, then answered questions testing their un- you may fix the punishment at death or if you derstanding ofseveral constitutional rules, includ- believe from all the evidence that the death penalty ing that a juror is neverrequired to~mpose a death is notjustified, then you shall fix thepurushmentof sentence. . the defendant at life imprisonment.... " Within the first two groups, who received no The jury asked the j ildge"ifthey were required to clarification, 47 percent believed the law required issue the death penalty if they found one of the them to impose a death sentence ifthey found the aggravatingfactors,oriftheyshqUlddecidewhether aggravating factor ofthe heinousness ofthe crime, to issue the death penalty or a life sentence. and 46 percent thought the death sentence was The judge simply told them to reread the instruc- required ifthey found future dangerousness. Monday, April 24, 2000 THE AMlcus======:;::::======5 Capital ,PunishDlent Discussion Makes Headlines

Death Penalty from 1 Moore spoke on "God and Capital Punish­ come very involved in advocating against Kimberly Cook, a Professor at the Univ,er­ who is also an Assistant Professor of Law ment." Reverend Moore was an inmate on the death penalty with the pope writing sity of Southern Maine, also talked about at NYU, talked about some ofhis personal Georgia's death row for sixteen years be­ letters for clemency to the applicable poli­ religious conservatives, focusing on the experiences with representing capital mur­ fore having his sentence commuted by the ticians whenever someone is about to put mentality of Ghristian fundamentalists. der defendants. Georgia Board of Pardons and Paroles in to death. The Catholic bishops ofAmerica She compared the abortion debate to He spoke of one unsuccessful client 1990. are currently asking Clinton to impose a the death penalty debate, demonstrating who commented before execution that he During a very emotional luncheon, he moratorium on death penalties to begin on that those in favor of the death penalty are had been asked, "what can I do to help spoke of his experiences. Many of the Good Friday. Father Drinan talked a lot often opposed to abortion rights, and those you?" by more people in the last fourteen attendees have said that his story was the about how the United States is the only against capital punishment are generally hours of his life than in his entire life highlight of the conference. western nation to still use the death pen­ in favor of abortion rights. previously. After lunch, the second panel of the alty, and'evenargued that capital punish­ Michael Radelet, Professor and Chair In Professor Stevenson's opinion, day was about "legal doctrines." William ment is a violation of customary of the Department of Sociology at the when society kills a prisoner, society is & Mary's own Professor Paul Marcus international law. University of Florida, presented the re­ saying that there is no hope left for that acted as moderator. Professor John Blume Next, Arnold Loewy, who is the Gra­ sults from his attempt to map the thought individual. The Honorable John T . and Professor Sheri Lynn Johnson, the ham Kenan Professor at the University of process of religious conservatives in de­ Noonan, Jr., United States Circuit Judge two directors of the Cornell Death Penalty North Carolina School of Law, expanded ciding tc\ favor capital punishment. for the Ninth Circuit, also participated in Project that cosponsored the conference, upon the previous discussion of religious The fmal speaker was Robert Young the panel, and John Garvey, Dean.of the discussed the role of religious comments conunents in closing arguments by advo­ who is 'a Professor of Sociology at the Boston College Law School, acted as mod­ in a trial's closing arguments. cating for religious neutrality in the court­ University of Texas at Arlington. Being erator. Examples ofimpermissible remarks by room the final speaker, he changed his topic at The keynote speaker, Reverend Pat the prosecutor include calling the defen­ William Schabas, Director of the Irish the last minute from religious conserva­ Robertson, followed the first panel. dant the devil, and claiming that the pros­ 'Centre of Human Rights at the National tism to a general overview of the sympo­ Founder and leader of the Christian Coali­ ecuting attorney has been deputized by University of Ireland in Galway, talked sium. tion, Reverend Robertson shocked the God to pass judgment on ~e accused. about the problem of Muslim nations re­ He mentioned that with the frrstAmeri­ audience when he called for a moratorium Generally, the courts ~ve held that the solving their religious use of the death can execution having occurred in on executions until the problems of the prosecutor may not use religious argu­ penalty with treaties like the International Jamestown in 1608, it was appropriate for death penalty can be resolved. ments unless the defense initiated the Criminal Court which prohibit capital pun­ the symposium against capital punish­ Although he claimed that the Bible discussion. Conversely, the defense is ishment. He also commented that in Ire­ ment to be held in Williamsburg, In a advocates the death penalty, he wants to often held to have free reign in making land, capital punishment is equated with Gallup poll performed inF ebruary, support show forgiveness for those prisoners who religious comments. Some discussion English colonization and political repres­ for the death penalty was at a low 6.6%, and convert to Christianity and show true re­ ensued about separation of church and sion. whengiven the option oflife imprisonment morse for their actions. state in the courtroom. The third and last panel focused on the without the possibility ofparole , only 52% News about his call for a moratorium Father Robert Drinan, Professor ofLaw "empirical realities" of the death penalty of Americans favored the death penalty, has been published in newspapers at Georgetown, is a columnist for the Na­ and was moderated by William & Mary's Several states have either banned capital throughout the country including the Los tional Catholic Reporter and represented Professor Cynthia Ward. punishment or are considering imposing Angeles Times, WashingtonPost, and the Massachusetts in the U.S. Congress from Thomas Berg, Professor of Law at moratoriums. New York Tim es. Jerry Falwell has since 197 1 to 1991 . He disagreed with Pat Cumberland Law School at Samford Uni­ Professor Young's last words were responded to Pat Robertson's statement Robertson's interpretation of the Bible, versity, talked about how most religious that in imposing the death penalty, society by reaffirming his approval ofcapital pun­ instead claiming that the Bible does not conservatives are in favor of capital pun­ is "making god-like decisions without god­ ishment. advocate the death penalty. He explained ishment, and discussed how society cur­ like skills." During a lunch buffet, Reverend Billy that the Roman Catholic Church has be- rently advocates a "culture of death." "New Faculty Members Add Diversity to Law School New Professors from 1 He then earned his J.D. from Harvard national law and serves as an Associate business transactions, international trade State ofNew York. Law School, where he was one of the Director of the school' s Center for the . and international econoIilic development, Before that, Professor Dwyer was an editors of the Harvard Law Review, and Study of International Business Law. She among other subjects. associate with CoudertBrothers in Wash­ bothanM.A. andaPh.D. from Cambridge is particularly interested in the law of eco­ She has recently been published in the ington' D.C. At Wyoming Law School University. Professor Stein has practiced nomic development and trade and invest­ Notre Dame Law Review, The New York Professor Dwyer teaches courses on Le­ with Sidley & Austin/White & Case and ment in the transitional economies ofAsia University Journal of International Law gal Writing, Federal Courts, Family Law, Sullivan & Cromwell in New York City; he and Eastern Europe. Professor Cao immi­ and Policy, and the Texas International and Jurisprudence. was a litigation associate at both firms. In grated to America from Vietnam as a refu­ Law Journal. She recently gave a lecture Incoming professor Michael Stein is between working with these firms, Profes­ gee while still in her teens. for the American Society ofInternationat currently a consulting assistant professor sor Stein served as a law clerk for the She attended Mount Holyoke where Law on "The Interanationalist Legacy: On of law at Stanford Law School where he Honorable Samuel A. Alito, Jr. she was Phi Beta Kappa and acl:i.ieved the Violence, Money, Power, and Culture." teaches courses on civil procedure, torts, Before teaching at Stanford, Professor highest grades in her senior class. Profes­ Professor Cao has published a critically labor and employment law, disability law, Stein was a Research Fellow at Harvard sor Cao then earned her J.D. from Yale Law acclaimed novel, Monkey Bridge (1997) and English legal his!ory, but specializes Law School and an Adjunct Assistant School where she was Note Editor of the and has a second novel in the works. in Federal Litigation. Professor at NYU Law School. J ourna!. She then clerked for Judge Motley Professor Stein attended N. Y. U. for his Professor Lim Cao comes to Marshall­ and then practiced law at Paul, Weiss, undergraduate coursework where he gradu­ Wythe from Brooklyn Law School were Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, both in New ated summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa. she specialized in the area of private inter- York. Professor Cao teaches international 6 ======Monday, April 24, 2000 THE AMICUS Letter to the Editor Don Martin Sounds off on Graduation Speaker

Ah, the death throes of the class of is upset that U.S. Senator Orrin Hatch But apparently that's just not good the SBA's job to hold our hands and 2000. I was worried that our class is speaking at our graduation. And, enough for the Collective. Heck no. tell us which polls to throw out and would end its three-year tenure with a like Robin Hood and his or her band of They're so fired up that even one of which ones to answer. Perhaps even whimper of cowed apathy, but I am Merry Persons, these "heroes" are those left-wing ribbons of the month, more shocking to some, the SBA proud to say that my colleagues are . swooping in to save us from disaster. that everyone wears to show how doesn't even have to take a poll. Sure, rising to the occasion. It seems like So, what do they do to protect us from much they care, won't be enough to it's not Clintonian, but it is leadership, everyone is trying to fire off one more this menace? Well, they do what express their outrage. So, they're and I applaud Mac Stuckey and all inane volley of self-indulgent lunacy. every good soldier of the left does talking about walking out during gradu­ members of the SBA who work hard And if you thought Don Martin was ...... they pitch one ation or wearing buttons wi th obsceni­ and take stances in the best interests just going to sit back and watch this· Hell of a hissy fit. ties or doing something else immature of the school despite the inflamed circus, you were sadly mistaken. Now, forget for a moment that the and asinine, because, you never know, vitriol ofa vocal minority. It all started with the Grinch that ChallmanoftheSenateJudiciaiyCom- maybe a bunch of ill-mannered mis­ In sum, now is the time to come . Stole Beach Week, or at least tried to. mittee has agreed to speak here. For­ creants will change the mind of Orrin together, no\ fall apart. In my opinion, Now, while that certainly was good get that he ran for President, is often Hatch. To be fair, only 20 students the Class of2000 is poised to usher in gossip in a relatively dry semester, it mentioned as a potential nominee for signed the petition to protest Senator the best era of education for this law was so easy to believe and utterly the Supreme Court and was accused Hatch, and the vast majority of them' school since George Wythe founded predictable that most of the class re- by the Chairman of the American expressed an inclination notto protest America's first law school and taught ceived it with little more than a "ho Conservative Union of"helping liber­ the speech by walking out. Unfortu­ the likes ofJohn Marshall and Thomas hum." Like any Jennifer Lopez video, als derail the conservative agenda." nately, the ringleader of this move­ Jefferson. Student morale and future it's just so played. Forget all of that, because he (getthis) ment recently told his troops that he is expectations are reaching new heights, The real fun came with that love has religious and political beliefs that planning some form ofprotest, regard­ and our.graduation marksJhe first time letter we 3 Ls received in our hanging are not in tune with (gasp!) the Collec­ less. since first year that we will all be files regarding the gross injustice of tive. Horror of horrors! And, of Ijust have one thing to say to these together as a class. Let's not ruin it allowingaU.S.Senatortospeakatour course, anyone in discord with the disaffected malcontents who plan to with petty protests and immature dis­ law school graduation. For whatever Collective should not be allowed to disrupt our graduation. You don't ruptions. reason, Ididn'tactuallyreceive one of speak in public. always get your way. Sometimes you If you really are that upset, take these missives. I don't know how the Thank God (or the deity of your lose, and all the whining, stomping and your frustrations out on me. Yellatme letter Writer could make such an over- choice, if you choose to have one) the tantrum throwing.won't fix it. In fact, in the hall. Drop nasty notes in my sight, but when you're playing pater- Collective is here to save us. I don't I've heard (you may want to sit down hanging file. Come with me to listen to th nalistto an entire law school, I can see know what we 'd do, if we were al­ for this one) sometimes not even the George Stephanopolous on April 18 • how one or two ofu s might slip through lowed to listen to a speaker and actu- federal government can fix it. Honest. . I hadn't planned on wearing a protest the cracks. ally (dare I say it) think for ourselves. That's what I've heard . . button, but I will if it will make you Afterre~dingthe letter's heading, I As for the "process," let's not kid And that's where this issue dove­ more comfortable. Or better yet, write am sure you were as surprised as I to ourselves. Had the school chosen Al tails with the third flare-up among the a letter to Senator Hatch's office re­ learn that we all go to sc~ool in a Gore or Jesse Jackson or the guy who 3L's,namely, the Elvis dispute. Those garding his views to see what he really collective. I guess our collective should changes the urinal cakes at the ACLU upset with the loss of the Elvis wall thinks aside from some soundbites just letPSF divvy up the jobs of their headquarters, you wouldn 'thave heard need to sit down with the Collective taken out of context. .We 've come too choice to this lawyerly proletariat, but one peep from the Collective about a and come to a mutual realization that far to go out on such an embarrassing I don'tthinkwe'dall wanttoworkfor poor process. For sure, the process we ·study in a society that more closely note. Thank you for tolerating me for free in clinics for the rest of our lives'. could have been better. Dean Reveley resembles a republic than a collective. three years. Please extend Senator Of course, thatwouldn 't be a problem and the SBA have agreed to improve We elect the SBA to represent us. Hatch the same courtesy. I look if you happen to be a member of the the process next year in response to The SBA then makes decisions for us, forward to seeing you ALL at gradu­ PSF board, in which case you are the Collective's demands. They agreed because we do not have the time or ation. assigned six figure jobs in New York to the improvements despite the fact personal knowledge to come to a purely City (to better benefitthe people mind that the process is no different from democratic decision on every contro­ Donald W. Martin, Jr. you). But I digress. years past when stronger conserva- versy. From the tone ofthe letter, it seems tives, such as Justice Scalia and Attor­ If the SBA is supposed to take a to me that a hearty group of liberals ney GeneralEarleY,havespoken (with vote every time it wants to do some­ (we'll refer to them as the Collective) nary a p'rotest petition to be found). thing, then why have an SBA? It's not 3L4! tdetk«HJlZfd44to1Unk~~4titt . . ~ it to eUlm4 ~! ..

T . • • • !The LnlmlCUS . Urlae VOLUMELXIX,ISSUEONE MONDAY APRIL 24, 2000 BILLY & THE BITCH SCHOOL OF LAW Law School AdlDissions Process Exposed: It w as the Magic 8Ball All Along ByTom Brokdalaw sions committee doesn't even read all person. Ifthe 8Ball doesn't answer Have you ever looked around atsome those papers you send in, especially the second time we figure they aren't of your classmates and ever won­ that optional second essay on an event law school material and rej ect them." dered how in the hell some of them in your life ofwhich you are especially Through years of trial and error the got in here? Well in this exclusive proud. All it needs is your name and administrationhas found that the sheer report the intricacies of the Law your check, the bigger the better, to randomness offered by the 8Ball is a School admissions process are finally payfortheapplication. Thatmoney more effiecient selector than any hu­ revealed. is still unaccounted for but it is ru­ man. "Wemake all admission decisions mored to be deposited in an offshore Ifthis system seems unfair to you with the help ofthe Magic 8 Ball" the bank account. rememberyou may be here because Dean of Admissions finally admitted. The biggest problem the current ofit. Although this information used That's right, the only reason you are system has is when the 8Ball gives an to be a deeply held secret in the here is because the Magic 8Ball said indeterminate response, such as "Ask Admissions officeitwas decided that you should be. again another time." releasing itnowwould increase appli­ lt was admitted that the admis- "What we do then is wait list the cations. Revamped Plans·for Law School Exten-

. . - . (-~ - -... , , ~ I • sion finally revealed "-',~lil~ c .

Dean Taylor Reveleyrecentlyun­ edge in attractingvisitors. Also while veiled revamped plans for the new the kids have fun on the rides the ,~~ Law School extension. In an effort to parents will be able to shop for all attract more visitors to the school, as their legal needs among the law of­ well as to raise more revenue for the fices located on site. While your kids.. school, the school's Board decided have fun parents will be able to set up to develop the new extension, "The a will and maybe a trust fund." Mall of Law", as a sort of law - The exact nature ofth e attractions themed indoor amusement park. to be built is still under consideration. Designed by the same architects Amindbending triple loop who design Chuck E. Cheese restau­ rollercoaster, tentaivelycalled, "Taxa­ rants, the new wing will be a smaller tion Twister", has been considered. version ofthe farnous Mall ofAmerica The concept for a shooting gallery complete with rides and attractions. is undergoing revision after local law Instead of stores as in a mall the enforcement officials protested the surrounding space will be filled with initial plan. The "Paul Marcus Cham­ Oversized statute of Professor Neal Devins will occupy a major portion ofthe leg~l offices as well as some class­ ber of Death" was to have armed atrium in the new law school addition. rooms. patrons with a variety ofweaponry , The Redesign Committee ex­ from harmless waterguns to lethal facultycould applyprinciples ofcrimi­ Future" ride at Universal Studios. plained the new design this way: "With assault weapons. Patrons would iial law, like self-defense and mis­ "A thrillridewillallowgreateruse all the tourists coming to Williamsburg, manuver about an enclosed area and take, in this practical environment. ofthis space, increase revenues since providing wholesome family enter­ face a variety of fun, real-life situa­ AndtheCityofWilliamsburg said no. we can charge both in-state and ex- tainmentwould be agood way to go. tions,including "HelptheFedsBust But, did they get it right?" 0rbitant out-of-state ticket prices, and With our location within walking dis­ the Kingpin" and "Your Spouse Additionally, a source with close give professors the option oftuming tance to Colonial Williamsburg we Brought her Loser Boyfriend to Your connections to Prof. Fred Lederer the thrill ride on during boring semi­ can attract families tired of all that Mom's House". Patrons would react has told the In im icus that Lederer is nars and student trials," said an un­ historyjunk and ready for some heart­ to the situations, at risk ofinjury. resisting efforts to convert the existing named faculty proponent of the pounding excitement. Being closer "Wouldn't it have been great?" Courtroom21 into a visual simulation proposal. thanBusch Gardens should give us an Marcus asked. "Law students and thrill ride, much like the "Back to the •

8 ======M onday, April 24, 2000 THE AMICUS CourtroolD 22? Recover from y our hangover and' So it was Fred Lederer all along. It getting rid oftheir hanging files. "H9w has now been admitted that he was am I going to eat my lunch now," one learn enough to pass the bar at the the driving force behind the removal distraut 2L stated. "Well then I guess of the Elvis Shrine. It seems that they'll have to go on a dietthen," came, same time with the new Lederer viewed the Elvis Shrine as the response. "They could use to lose one 0 fthe main obstacles to his take­ the weight anyway," was added. overofthe lounge and the creation of Plans for asit in demonstration are Coutroom 22. being discussed, (why we can't tell Parrotthead Bar Review Course. Unstatisfied with controlling his you.). own fiefdom known Courtroom 21 There has been no comment by the Lederer is now looking to expand. Law School Adminstration, but word "Firstthe Elvis Shrine, then the snack is out that some in the Administration Yes now you can have fun and machines, and finally the lockers," is are supporting Lederer's plan. It all how Lederer described his plan. seems tied to a planned coup on the study for the bar at the same Afterall the stuffin Courtroom21 has part of some powers that be. The to beat least two or three years old by problem is who would be Dean-for­ time. Stops include Key West now and you know how technology life ifthe coup is successful. Lederer changes. seems to bethe leading candidate, but and New Orleans. All this is due "I mean the lounge is ugly enough support is growing for Gloria Todd already so whynot tum it into a new (afterall she runs the ~chool anyway). to our patented study while you courtroom," was the voice ofa gree­ Anyway keep reading the Inirnicus ment fro m a 1L. for updates on the si tuation. sleep method. We have .tapes However many are protesting the new plan because itwill elin1inatetheir tha~ you'll listen to while you place to relax and eat, as well as sleep .so you . don't waste any L's Remember partying time during the day. each Week is ow Bitch Week S uscribe to the Ininticus Today! .

THE INIMICUS C URIAE

William & Mary School of Law P. o. Box 8795 Williamsburg, Virginia 23187 (757) 221-3582 "Dedicated to making light of everyone and everthing"

Editor: The All Powerfu l Zeus News Editor: TomBrokdalaw Features Editors: Jerry Lunger & Okra Winds freely • Business Editor: Nasdaq Copy Editor: Xerox Photographer: Robert Mapplethorp

Reporters: Don'tneed since we make ever thing up.

Editorial Policy Don't take any ofthe crap in this section seriously. Ifyou do then too bad. We at the Inimicus reserve the right to make fun of anyone Here are sOlDe of our satisfied and everyone here at the end of the year. We all need a few laughs so just keep that in mind. Also if you make. yourself noticed by us it is all the more likely you:vill end up in our paper. And remember: subscribers enj oying our lDost It's a joke stupid recent I• ssue. Monday, Apri124, 2000 THE A lvllC:US 9 Legal . Skills Trial Practicum Vid,eos or ~Haiku Will Now Fulfill Courtroom 21 Infomercial? Writing ' Requirentent}l:.

By Liddy Gator and Matt Locke these videos just screamed "technol­ bySadabaru Ob Cast of characters: ogy." One problem I had, however, Students here have done Steve Matthews: Experienced "Rider" was the infomercial-esque nature of Dean Reveley decreed Fred Lederer: Omniscient Narrator, Lederer' s otherwise brilliant narra­ Lawyers must be creative Long papers, so tedious Lawyer, and Purveyor of the tion. Imean really, you only have to tell To be Citizens And notes so mundane Wolfvision Visualizer, Electronic Light us once that the document camera Pen, and the Motorola StarTekDigital thingy is called a W olfvision Visualizer Notes and papers are So, a new option Phone (that' s kind of a hard name to forget). A fine way to express law A touchy-feelywriting Thin Air: Ghostly Judge and Opposing Repeated references to it only defeat But are not much fun F or poets in us Counsel the otherwise tasteful presentation of Random Three ' EL:Court ClerklBai­ this fascinating courtroom device. That They cannot express The Board has voted Iiff aside, I was awestruck by the perfor­ The spirit in lawyer hearts The Dean has announced the news Speak Slow-Lee:Court Reporter mances! Matthews displayed a bril­ Thejudicialmuse Haiku will suffice liant spectrum ofcharacters , complete This is a compelling courtroom with different (and highly believable) dramafoat illustrates the various as­ accents, and Lederer's ability to "com­ Flights a flaw like cranes The_staff loves the plan pects of courtroom practice. The municate" with invisible officers ofthe Soaring over wetlands tracts Less reading boring papers videos take us step-by-step .through court was simply breathtaking. Subj ect ofdisputes More time playing golf the fascinating case called Matthews ML: Let me expand on what Liddy is v. Morgan. This is a case revolving talking about. Lederer surely deserves Nor high courtiulings SBA approves around a big, scary hause named at least an Oscar nomination for his Rising like angels on wing One can write it at mug night! "Killer," and the ferrier who tried to wondrous performance in these vid- Victims ofstate action 3L's off the hook! mount him. Matthews, trying to im­ eos. His courtroom dialogue with the I press his girlfriend, who he met at invisible officers of the court was so Comeon out to rodeo-night at a local honky-tonk, went realistic, so engaging, that one had to to Morgan's Riding School "looking wonder if indeed that little boy in Thel LIB ..,.(; for a challenge." He failed, however, Sixth Sense is not the only who can ega rleJ S to advise Morgan that he was a begin­ "see dead people." This should be a ner when it came to riding hauses. lesson to movie makers on a budget: Yet, on their contract, which Matthews sometimes all it takes is one really signed to get riding lessons, he check good actor to run the show and bring the beginner box. Seeking to fulfill his the film to life, as opposed to a whole request for a "challenge," Morgan .cast of so-so ones. The summoned a farmhand, who brought LG: Right-O Matt. I just can't say "Killer" out of the stable. Frightened, enough about these captivating, com­ All-New yet not wanting to look like a wuss in pelling, and utterly mesmerizing vid­ frontofhis girlfriend, Matthews took a eos. I mean wow man, hauses, flying leap, seeking to mount Kill er, but mounting, courtroom technology - Law Student the big, scary hause gave him the cold . what more c~uld you want in a shoulder by galloping away. Matthews practicum video? was .injured when he fell from the There you have it, the Legal Skills Showbar. saddle, resulting in the physical injuries Practicum Videos are a "must-see" - that formed the basis for this lawsuit. literally, you must see them or you'll ML: I must say that I was very getalowpass(seriously). Ifyou don't impressed by the special effects in watch these videos, there's no hope these videos. The jump cuts involving for you! Where can you find these Legal Briefs will soon Lederer's image were very dynamic tantalizing bits ofvideographic delight? and served to increase the already Why, on reserve at our own law school open in the new Mall suspenseful courtroom drama in library. In the words of the librarIan of Law under progress; we, as the audience, get to upon seeing us return these highly experienc.e the ' excitement from all sought-after gems: "they're riveting." construction on South different angles. Who would've So rivet rivet your way to the circ. Henry Street. Come thought that courtroom technology desk, little froggys, and experience the could be used to create such beauty? wonder... of/egal skills, Marshall-Wythe see soon-to-be lawyers Beauty is in the eye ofthe beholder, or style! in the eye of the one who holds the P.S.: We're told that a NC-1 7 v~rsion strut their stuff to pay camera. exists, complete with tales ofbig, scary LG: I too was enthralled by the cut­ hauses "dominating" Matthews while their tuition. • ting-edge technology displayed in these he sleeps, but these reporters were videos. Set in Courtroom 21 , one (of unable to locate that particular tape. 100) of the most technologically ad­ So whoever has it---cough it up! vanced courtrooms in the universe, -

10 Monday, April 24, 2000 THE AMICUS Jumping the Wall with· Jeff and Rebecca

by Jeff Yea tes crickets, cicadas, and frogs all chirping . . I mentioned in a previous article away. that we were going to visit the most After languishing by the pond fora romantic spot in all ofWilliamsburg, while, we walked up the steps to the maybe in the entire Commonwealth actual garden area, where caretakers At left we see (not state) ofVirginia. Maybe you've have recreated a thoroughly English Jeff dressed seen it during the day, but unless you environment with clipped bushes, criss­ in preparation wentto W &M as an undergrad, you've crossing paths and covered walkways probably never seen the Gardens of of wisteria. We strolled among the for his trip to the Governor's Palace at night. Why? gardensfor a while, si tting on practi­ jump the wall. Well, the gardens are .closed to the cally every bench, because everyone public at night so the only way to get in ofthem had been placed so perfectly is to . . . well you get the picture. and looked so inviting. We finally Getting There: I think there are two dragged ourselves away and walked spots most suited for the jump. The to the rear of the gardens where they fi rst is on Lafayette St., next to the keep the famous maze - a series of Matthew Whaley ElementarySchool . interlocking hedges that, assuming playground. The wall is quite low you're under six feettall,You canget there, but watch out for longer drop on lost in. Rebecca, well under six feet, the other side. Also, you have to time had no problem quickly losing her sense yourjump between passing car head- ofdirection , but afier some assistance, lights on Lafayette St., so be discreet. was able to joinme in the middle ofthe The other good spot is on the front side maze. And then we heard the shouts. ofthe Governor's Palace. Get on the oh no, I thought, drunk undergrads, path heading towards Whaley Elemen- who are so loud that cops in Jamestown tary. The wall will turn into more ofa could probably hear them. fence; look for the locked gate; look They ran right past us, headed for I'm both ways and scrambleoverthe gate. not sure where, while we scrambled to Mind the wood stakes sticking up out extricate ourselves from the maze's of the gate. loopsandde; d-ends. That turned out to be a bad tactical move because we Crowd Factor: (1 -10, "10" being like stumbled out ofthe maze right as the car. All right, Jeff, I thought, criminal considerjust hanging outa shingle on the floorofthe NYSE and" 1" meaning cops came runningover the hill, look­ procedure, criminal procedure. What Rt. 60? I have a case for you. we were alone.) 1. ing for the frat boys. I quickly thought, aremyrightshere? Whatcantheydo After: will ithelp if! explain to the cops that tome? Ithinktheycankeepmeinjail Crowd Factor: (1-10, "10" being like Expenses: (1-10, "10" ismostexpen­ I'm actually a law student, this is my forupt048hoursiftheywantto. That the floor ofthe NYSE and " 1"meaning sive (whichmeans Rebecca probably wife, and we're not causing any is not totally without its benefits - I we were alone.) 2. Mondaynights are paid for it) and" 1" is free) 1 trouble? No, they probably would would have a terrific excuse formiss­ not too crowded at the jail. rather arrest a law student than a ing Criminal Procedure. Ha ! You all Expenses: (1 -10, " 10" ismostexpen­ Romance: (1 -10, "10" is akin to a drunkundergtadanyway. Theyprob­ just study criminal procedure. I lived sive (which means Rebecca probably moonlight garden walk; "1 "isakinto a ably hate lawyers because lawyers it! paid for it) and "1" is free) 20. You bowling alley). 10 (see "akin to a help get bad guys get acquitted on They took us "downtown," finger­ would be surprised at what the maxi­ printed us, and since the magistrate moonlight garden walk.~' technicalities. So, we ran. mum fines are for trespassing and This turned out to be a worse tactical was gone for the evening, yes, we resisting arrest. And Rebecca, urn, Overall Rating: (1 -10, you get the move, because although these cops spent a few hours in jail until Liz didn'tpayforthisone. idea) 10. had not exactly been training for the Jackson showed up to post bail forus. Romance: (1-10, "10" is akin to a Boston Marathon, theyweren'tdumb. When Liz Jackson tells us to let her moonlight garden walk; "1" is akin to a We got over the wall and headed Their friends were waiting for us on know if she can ever "be of any bowling alley). 1 Eventhoughitwasn't assistance," she isn't joking. "Please too crowded, police stations lack a for the very beautiful pond. Trees the other side 0 f the pond and we ran overhang the entire pond -- moonlight straight into an ambush. Since I actu­ don't tell Dean Reveley," I pleaded certain "ambience." on the water, spring scents wafting. ally am training for a marathon (though with her as we walked out of the Overall Rating: (1-10, you get the You know that scene in "The Little notBoston),Imomentarilyconsidered station, "he just wrote arecommenda­ idea) O. Mermaid" (c'mon, Iknowyousawit) making a run for it in the other direc­ tionforme." Jeff Yeates is a 3L who graduates in where Ariel and Eric are in a boat and tion, but I decided not to abandon my After a lame attempt at a joke about two weeks. Catch him and his wife, they float into that little cove, and wife. how atleast she didn't have to wait in Rebecca, next year in London, (where fireflies are everywhere, and where As we stood there getting Miranda a holding cell with any "ladies ofthe Jeffwill be studying for an LL.M. and they almost kiss? It was like that. rights read. to us, the image of my night," Reb¢cca informed me she Rebecca will be wandering among On opposite sides ofthe pond are two nearly completed Virginia Bar Char­ might consider talking to me again museums and parks, far far away benches where you can sit. One of acterand Fitness Certification sitting sometime in November, if! pass the from eighth graders), for more travels them is almost too perfect; it's built in my library carrel came to mind. bar. Until then, I will have to commu­ and adventures. And, by the way, if into the bridge itself, and so you're Does arrest always count as a part of nicatewithherbye-mail. Areanyof you believed this article, you're going sitting on the bench, over the water, one's "criminal history?" They cuffed you graduating classmates still waiting toreallyenjoy"Tales from a Turkish listening to the breeze in the trees and us and put us in the back of a police for an offer and starting to seriously Jail" next year. ~

Monday, April 24, 2000THEAMlcus======11 Final Review, Final . Destination

By Nancy Lee and Jessica Norris type characters and the deeplyphilosophi­ by that one scene). Anyway, the only IN: This movie will make you think twice cal questions about existence, mortality, criticism I have ofthis movie, even consid­ Final Destination, directed by J ames Wong before ever boarding another airplt ne! and fate (things that these kids in the ering this movie for what it is, is the END­ Cast of characters: What really struck me about this movie beginning, do not comprehend at all) .... ING. So many movies nowadays with Devon Sawa: Alex Browning was its realism I often do some of the When it slowly begins to sink in that there greatpotentialjustSUCKattheend! I will Ali Larter: Clear Rivers things Alex did before I board flights ;~ch is something messing with them that's say though, that this was a highly effec­ Kerr Smith: Carter Hogan as looking at the dings in the plane's side, larger than life, the hopelessness com­ tive, suspenseful film that worked well Kristen Cloke: Valerie Lewton feeling tense about being 30,000 feet from bined with the ensuing graphic death overall. I am still recommending this flick; Daniel Roebuck: Agent Weine the ground and wondering if every little scenes make for a very involved viewing. just don't be disappointed at the end. One Roger Guenveur Smith: Agent Schreck noise and/or bump means that the plane is last thing: you will always check your toilet Chad Donella: Tod Waggner about to crash. I too am superstitious IN: I'm not a fan of blood and guts, so I for leaks after seeing this movie. And Amanda Detmer: Terry Chaney about my baggage tags; I've left the same usually avoid teen "slasher" films. Al­ you'll never listen to John Denver's Seann William Scott: Billy Hitchcock old Aeroports de Paris sticker on my suit­ though I was planning to do the same for "Rocky Mountain High" in the same way Tony Todd: Bludworth(Candyman) case for "luck" thinking, "Hey, ifl didn't this movie, I heard it was great. My hus­ again. crash coming back from Paris, I won't this band had already seen the movie, so he Final Destination is a movie that pre­ time." Alex did all 0 fthese things and more told me when to cover my eyes. It worked. IN: I actually liked the ending. It tied in sents an interesting question: what hap­ in the movie, so I can totally relate to the I was able to enjoy the movie without well with the rest of the movie, and left pens to your life when you cheat Death? emotions leading up to his "vision."~ The getting too grossed out. Even though this things open for a sequel. Oh well, other And along with that, can you cheat Death makers of Final Destination are to be little trick renders me unable to describe than the ending, it's nice to agree with more than once? These are the questions commended for capturing these emotions, the bloodiest scenes (there were very few Nancy about a movie again:). This movie that remain to be answered, and 'serve as and bringing them to a level to which we of these), there were quite a few scenes is definitely worth checking out, so put off the basis of the movie. The movie begins can all empathize. that I could stomach, such as the plane the stress of impending fmals for an hour with an intense foreboding of impending crash scene (that plane went down faster and a half and have some fun. You don't disaster. First, we learn that there is French NL: Final Destination does have its really then the infamous Elvis shrine) and all but even have to drive far to see it. It's playing class taking a trip to Paris. Alex, played by implausible and cheesy moments, but I one of the deaths. Even if you are squea­ right here in the 'Burg. Devon Sawa, while on the airplane before suppose that they work in this movie be­ mish like me, this movie is still worth see­ takeoff, experiences a horrific vision ofan cause the characters are dealing with an ing. Just go with a trusted friend who can This is our last movie review of the accident, which seems so real and terrify- . unseen force that one could say is totally tell you when notto look, and you' 11 be just year! Hope you guys aren't too broken up ing that as soon as he snaps out of what­ over their heads- and these kids are lucky fine. about this fact. We're looking forward to ever spell he was under, he causes a ruckus if they don't end up losing their heads being able to write this column again next and tries to get everyone off the plane. (whoops, one of them did!!!!!). Yep, this NL: Exactly. Jessica warned me before all year. Urn, well, we're actually truly looking This scene is truly terrifying. He manages movie will not disappoint ifyou are looking the gross scenes, but I had to look anyway forward to the fact that we'll finallybe out to get kicked off the plane, along with six for gory scenes and lots ofred . But getting (morbid curiosity always wins out) for all of2L HELL (a la Note, Legal Skills, job others. What happens next is what we are back to my point about the interesting ofthem except one (and trust me, ifyou are stuff, etc.-you name it, you have to do it here to tell you. juxtaposition between Dawson 's Creek- squeamish, you will be totally grossed out 2Lyear:(- ) ... Flavor In• Your Ear

By TimEmry The album opens rather slowly with the is so john blazin'?" "Geto Heaven-Part Two" features bizarre "Time Travelin' " and the unremark­ The current single from the album, "The D'Angelo and is similar to some of the Here we are with one last review for the able "Heat." This pace continues for the 6th Sense," is an instant classic with ballads on Common's previous albums. It year: the new album from Common, a politi­ next few tracks. While none ofthese tracks Common's rhymes and DJ Premier laying is a deeply personal and religious track cally minded artist outofChicago. Despite are mediocre, they simply don't measure down the beats. If anything, the track where Common spills his feelings out for the recent influx ofdegrading and irritating up to the high standards that Common has serves as a manifesto for why Common his admiration and respect for women, "player" and "bling-bling" hip-hop music established for his music. On albums by raps about what he does, about where he "Find heaven in yourself and God. Find that has invaded the airwaves and televi­ other artists, these could easily be the best finds his motivation, and what he is all heaven in this music and God." Finally, "A sion, this has been a good year for hip-hop tracks, but fortunately, here the quality about. Following this song is the contro­ Song For Assata" is a dedication and overall by my estimation. Artists like Mos gets much better. versial "A Film Called (Pimp)" with MC recapitulation of the struggles of Assata Def, Noreaga, Ghostface Killah, Common, Things pick up quickly with "The L yte. It is an imaginary tale where Common Shakur, a former Black Panther wrongly Mobb Deep, and Goodie Mob have shed Light," a sentimental and romantic track plays a gangster who is trying to pimp out convicted of murder. She eventually es­ light on an otherwise dark year. Unfortu­ that is enhanced by a sample from an old a woman he meets on the street, played by caped her imprisonment and is currently in nately, it is the artists in the darkness, Jay­ Bobby Caldwell song. The message ofthe MC Lyte. It portrays the dynamics and political exile in Cuba, while the state of Z, Nas, Hot Boyz etc., that are getting all song is reminiscent of Method Man's dialog ofthe pimp life. Many will criticize New Jersey has a bounty on her head. The the attention. Here's hoping for more unforgettable duet with Mary J. Blige, "If Common for this song that has a less than song reveals Common's deep respect for enlightenment this summer, with Common heaven had a heights you would be that uplifting message. While I agree that the Assata and for the sacrifices she has made surely leading the way. tall, ghetto the coffee shop I see that all. song does not really flow with the themes so others could be free. The song is also Let's stick to understanding and we won't that Common usually conveys, it is impor­ enhanced with vocals from Cee-Lo of Connnon fall, for better or worse times I hope to me tant to keep in mind that it is a spoof and Goodie Mob. Like Water For Chocolate you call ... :" should not be taken seriously. In all, this is a very strong album that Rating: **** (out of a possible *****) "The Questions," my favorite track, is "Thelonius" is a hip, jazzy track that should solidify Common's place as one of greatly enhanced by the appearance of shows Common's smooth and laid back the true teachers in the world of hip -hop. With this release marking Common's Mos Def. It's a quirky, but fun sing-along flow. While it is a good song, it is far from My only hope is that people will hear his fourth album, we have surely learned by song that asks both serious questions as great. "Payback is a Grandmother" is a message while tuning into the values that now that he has his own style with each well as some amusing ones. Mos shines vivid tale ofhow Common gets revenge on he preaches. album While I had felt that his third alburn, when he asks, "Why do they say 'never some thieves that robbed his grandmother Some Day It'll All Make Sense, was the say never' when they know that ain't on a casino boat. The song is instantly Want to argue with my reviews? Want strongest, I secretly hoped that this new right? Cuz to say 'never say never' you recognizable thanks to the sample ofJ ames me to review something in a future col­ offering would be a replica of that sound. done said never twice. Why do I need ID Brown's "The Payback." umn? Want to simply argue about Hip­ However, Common has yet again pre­ to get ID? If! had ID I wouldn't need ID ... The last two songs really show the Hop? E-mail [email protected]. sented us with a new sound to feast upon. how come this joint named the questions strength and the beauty of the album. Thanks for reading. •

12 Monday, Apri124, 2000 THE AMIcus • Winning IS Not the Only Thing

By Jeff Polich the champion for that moment, but shortly feeling, not knowing whether you'll win, uniform issues. They beat the crap out of thereafter, you're a competitor again. No ,irut hoping, trying, and believing. the team from Duke (which always warms My 1M floor hockey career is over. It championship is final. Ifthat were true, the Sport gives us . athletes like Jack my soul), and advanced to the late rounds was never anything spectacular. I think I Yankees. would be deemed Champs for all Nickolaus, a sixty-year-old golfer with a despite an early loss. I, and many others scored two goals, maybe had as many etemity and we would quit playing base­ bionic hip who makes us seriously think, who might have attended could not be­ assists. My only real purpose was to be a ball. Thankfully, this is not the case. The "Can he really do it one more time?" Sport cause a cherished comrade of ours is get­ fresh set of legs, to give the guys who' Yankees have won twenty-five World gives "athletes" like myself a chance to ting married and he asked us to celebrate score a break. In our first year, when we Series Titles, but that means squat this relive our youth, to be part of a team, to his bachelor party with him in Atlantic first started playing, hockey was an abso­ year. As of today, every major league believe and have fun. City. We just couldn't let Chris "Get Me lute blast. We had about four lines for each player still has a chance to play for the My last 1M floor hockey game didn't Another Dollar!" Morrison down. Al­ game, each one of whom would come World Series Championship. And so we' really start out all that fun, but by the final though I've heard that the time up in flying over the boards after each whistle. watch the game ... and so we play the period, Assault and Battery was yelling Charlottesville was fun, I would never We had fans. We even had jerseys made. game .... again. We were jumping over the boards trade my time with Autumn., Cheri, Sap­ And we won, almost enough to be fitted for We watch and play because the fun is again. We were laughing and having fun phire, and the guys, for a bunch of hyper­ the T's. . not in the championship, but rather in again. And afterwards, we talked and active, egotistical, drunk-off-their-asses After awhile though, it became a little playing for the championship. I never had j oked until they turned the lights off on us. law students. more difficult. People got hurt. People as much fun rooting for a team as I did in Ten years from now, I may not remember stopped coming. We stopped scoring in 1997 while watching the DetroitRed Wings much of that last game, but I'll remember A Final Word: bunches. By this, our third year, we were win their first Stanley Cup in over forty the fun I had playing it. a shell of our former team. Assault and years. But all of the fun was in the games My intent in writing this article was Battery became something akin to the themselves, in the anticipation and the Sports Report: never to spread the gospel or promote Cleveland Cavaliers or the Atlanta Hawks hope. Once it was over, it was over. myself. It was really more of a hobby. I of the late 1980s: good enough to win, but Someday the Boston Red Sox will over­ Where do I begin? In basketball, Don really never expected anyone to read it. not quite good enough to win champion­ come the most infamous drought in sports Martin's co-rec team won a championship. And yet, every once in a while, someone ships. Now, in the sunsets of our careers, history, butthe fun will not be in the trophy So did the 3L team of Earl Pinto, Max came up to me and mentioned something we were merely hacking away, trying to presentation. The fun will be in the four to DeWitt, Ted Hunt, Alan Wilbur, Kevin about the article. Whether it was to comple­ hold on to what little we had left. seven games preceding that ceremony. Rice, and Chris F orsner. At least they won ment me or to make fun of me, it always In the end, Assault and Battery never I am not naive enough to say that at 27, the B-2 division. The 2Lteam led by Willie made me feel good to know that someone won a championship, and thus I retire from I am an old man. But I am also not naive Commons ill, Humes Jefferson Franklin had read what I had written. To all those 1M sports having never won the elusive t­ enough to think that my youth will last III, and George Irving Vogel III, got to the who ever took a look at this article, thank shirt. Appropriately enough, we lost to a forever. I would not want to be young finals of B-1, but lost on a late III-point you. I've been getting pretty sentimental team of 1Ls who wanted it more than we forever anyway. Who wants to be the old shot. Actually, I'm not sure how they lost, in my waning days at M -W. I know how did. But, do you know what? That's ok. fat and bald guy in the bar, slobbering over but I'll bet that's what happened. If they hard it is to keep in touch with everyone Sometime during the second period, I real­ girls halfhis age? No, I wantto be married. had a B-12 division, I bet Felonious As­ and even when you do it's never really the ized that Teddy Roosevelt was right and I want to have childr'll. I want to spend my sault would have won it. same as seeing that person every day. Vince Lombardi was wrong. The important last days sitting on a big porch drinking Everyone lost in hockey. Forget that Please know that I have been touched by thing (the onlv thin!!) is not winnin1!'_ hut scotch and yellull? at the kicis to pipe down crap about the joys of coffipeting. I'm too everyone at this school and that I will competing to win. The important and only so that I can listen to the game on the radio. depressed to talk about it except to say never forget all those who ~derfJ.Y tlme In thing is to do something because you want But at the same time, I never want to forget this: Richard Hunter West is heretofore this place as memorable and enriching as to, not because you are obliged to. my youth. I never want to forget what it's called Richard Hunter East. it has been. Don't get me wrong. Chainpionships like to see something for the very first time. The law school sent a team to the are great. But the fact is that a champion­ Competition in anything, but especially softball tournamentheld at Virginia's lesser ship, won oriost, is still an ending. You are through sport, allows us to hold on to that law school and did quite well in spite of its Law School Identity Crisis Marshall~Wythe By Katie Riley competitive spirit as a constant desire for more. She has a great summer job lined up Lawyers Index Update As a fIrst-year law student, in the past with a prestigious Washington D.C. firm. few weeks' I've heard about the value of She's already on the Women and the Law joining the William & Mary Law Review Journal, and yet she, like everyone else, three times, have heard ab'out the need to will be trying out for Law Review and By Josh Herbst think about next fall's job application pro­ stressing about better employment next cess twice, have been encouraged to join falL The law school mentality makes us If you read my article in the last issue of the Amicus about my creation of a next year's Moot Court team once, and believe that if we don't work on a law Marshall-Wythe Lawyers Index, here is an update: have been badgered about the quality of journal, don' t get on the moot court team, my class outlines on numerous occasions. don't find a good summer j ob for a law firm, The Market Report: As a result ofsuch pressure, my dreams are and when we aren't in the top of the class, filled with anxiety over upcoming exams that we are failures as law students, and 4111/00 3/ 17/00 Percent Change and frustration at the probability ofmy not even that we don't deserve to become making law review (the chances for most of attorneys. My whole purpose in coming to MWLI 104.66 100.00 +4.66% us are slim at best). I am constantly sec­ law school was to expand my education so DJIA. 11287.08 10595.23 +6.53% ond-guessing my decision not to seek a . that I might someday work in California S&P500 1500,59 1464.47 +2.47% good law firmjob over the summer in favor state government or politics creating real Nasdaq 4055.90 4798.13 -15.47% ofpursuing public interest work. Not once social changes to benefit society. Being during the same few weeks, have I been where I am in life and knowing what I <;10 'MWLI' = Marshall-Wythe Lawyers Index (an index of companies which employ asked to speak of anything non-law re­ about California politics, it will not be W&M School of Law graduates) lated, not even my opinion on current difficult for me to get the job I want. Hell, Source = Lexis (Martindale-Hubble Database) events. I could get the job I want without a law In speaking with another student re­ cently, Ji Park, she referred to our class's See Self-Esteem on 13

\, Monday, April 24, 2000 THEAMIcus:======13 Law School Damages' S e I f - E s t e e m Identity Crisis from 12 esteems are taken away from us. I feel as that economics and math are too difficult, most of my peers I don't even know what degree. I came to law school to learn. ifwe are encouraged to forget out previous that we came to law school to avoid such state they are from. The extent of my Although probably unintentional, I lives, to create new livee and personalities inquiries, and that we are not smart enough knowledge about anyone usually con­ believe that one of the main outcomes of devoid ofany reference to our prior accom­ to be rocket scientists. Speak for yourself. sists of what classes they have, what legal your first year in law school is the destruc­ plishments. What is a study of the law without exam­ skills fIrm they are in. and whether they live tion of your self-esteem. The first time we And yet I came to William & Mary ining the other arts and sciences? How are off campus. If I'm fortunate enough to get our Client Amemos back covered in red because it appeared to respect the indi­ we supposed to understand the value and have a detailed conversation, I might learn ink, the first time we get called upon in class viduality of its students. I had heard that purpose of the law without understanding what classes they will take next semester and end up struggling to answer the the students were friendly and supportive how economics, psychology, philosophy, and what they are doing for the summer. professor's questions, when we get our of each other, and defInitely not competi­ history, and religion molded the law? I Although many of my closer friends at fIrst semester grades, when we are totally tive. During law-camp, I enthusiastically came to law school with a liberal arts de­ the law school know that in high school I convinced that the first-year summer job agreed with Dean Reveley's comments gree, but when I walked into the law school successfully sued my school district in search will determine our entire life's ca­ about the citizen-lawyer, but in talking to lobby for the fIrst-time my previous skills what the ACLU called a modem Tinker v. reer, when we don't get accepted for one other students about why they chose became irrelevant. I continue to be sur­ Des Moines case or that while in ~ollege I ofthe law journals, when we are subjected William & Mary, a common explanation prised at the simplicity of our legal discus­ spent a year at Oxford University, these are to dozens of flyers in our hanging fIles was that they didn't get accepted to the sions, especially after being promised a just the more impressive examples of my about the Leews system and our need for University of Virginia. I'm so frustrated liberal Jeffersonian legal education by the accomplishments on my resume. Nobody the newest commercial outline, our self- whenever.I hear my classmates complain administration. knows (until now) that I recreated With the law school obsession of fo­ Schroedinger's Equation in my quantum cusing merely on the blackletter law, I physics class, orthatI once sang at Carnegie ~illing Tim.e (Sari gets don't believe we everreally get a chance to Hall under the direction of a Grammy­ know each other--probably a factor of our nominated classical composer. I'm not , competitiveness and low self-esteem. trying to brag or gain respect from my law short-titners lDens tea) Knowing what I do about myself and my school colleagues. Instead, what I'm try­ own personal successes, I can only imag­ ing to say is that there is more to me than by Sari Benmeir with my diet, in that I keep the pile on the ine the accomplishments that predate law the law, and undoubtedly, more to you. dining room table and it makes me nau­ school for all of my colleagues. And yet I Good luck to everyone on his or her exams. I am being very good and writing this seous every time I sit down to eat. know nothing about these. I've only heard But since we already know that we can'tall article at least several days before it is due I'm sure that once again I will turn in the rumors about some of the prior jobs or get A's, maybe I should just wish you a and not during Crim Pro Survey class as worst thing I have ever written. That has education my colleagues have had, but for good summer vacation. has become my wont. I fInished my bar happened to me over and ove! since start­ application and mailed it out with enough ing law school. Each paper I turn in is worse time to send it by regular mail - or even than the one before. The last one I turned they've ever read? It's not like I write a ofPlayboy, but I might not be crude enough. horseback - and I'm taking the bar exam in inI did not look at afterI printed it up. Ijust humor column or anything. I just write, in I also thought of Rolling Stone; but! don't Colorado. I went through my closet and stapled it together and shoved it furtively all seriousness, what I really and sincerely think I'm hip enough. Suggestions? cleaned and pressed 90% of the stuff in under the professor's door at 4 AM. Of think. (Again, practicing for zealous repre­ So farewell. Although the Amicus is sentation). there so I can take it to the flea market and course, I ended up \vith the highest grade scheduled for another issue after this (the In all serio)Jsness, I'm going to miss cpll;t c;nrp T w"()n't np,p,,; ~lIit~ to wear to I have gotten thus far. Which just goes to infamous ambulance chaser issue), (for work (for those few of you not already prove that your grades are inversely pro­ writing this crap. I am now officially solic­ which I have a real treat planned: Fifty aware of it, I am going into the Coast portional to the actual quality of your work iting candid opinions of who I can submit Ways to Sue Your Law School), my psy­ Guard). I spent the entire afternoon perus­ and directly proportional to your degree of (under a pseudonym, natch) articles ofthis chic aura predicts that the issue may not ing the J.e. Whitney catalog, picking out agreement with the professor's opinions. general geme who might feasibly publish materialize. Thus I will say adieux now. chrome accessories for my truck - which I And goes to prove that the standards in it. If you subscribe to or regularly peruse Really and truly, writing this 'column has have "decided" to fIx up since I am physi­ law school are exactly opposite to what a publication that you think my crap might been the best (only?) good thing about my cally, mentally and emotionally unable to you see in the real world. be suitable for, please (in really whiney entire humiliating, stressful, demeaning, part with it (I've had it longer than I've had Notto change the subject, but I told my tone of voice) drop a note (anonymously etc., etc., etc., law school experience. my kid, and I think I might be more attached son a lie (just practicing for zealous repre­ if necessary) in my hanging fIle. I thought The next time Isee you, I'll expect a salute. to the truck - it doesn't talk back), so if! sentation). Y'all remember back a few col­ have to spend the rest of my life with it, it umns when I wrote about my son' s dirty might as well look good. I think the best underwear. Unfortunately I misjudged the item is the "Magnetic fast flames graph­ age at which he would willingly commit ics," which are really "hot" magnets in the parentacide. It is not 13, as I guessed, but T.he ADlicus would like to shape of flames that you stick to the side 11, his current age. When, I told him that I of your vehicie to give the illusion of wrote about his dirty underwear in my speed. They have been wind tunnel tested column, he turned purple in the face and thank our 3L staff writers to a mere 11 0 MPH, but I guess that'll have screamed, "YOU DID NOT, DID YOU??" I ...... -, to do. They're only $29.95 plus shipping ~aid, ''No, ho ho, you believed me? Ha ha." and handling. ME WANT! Fortunately for me, he has been educated for .their ~ . contributions. Now I'm sure you're all asking your­ in public schools since fIrst grade, and selves what has spurned this fIt of indus­ thus can barely read, so I don't have to triousness. What a stupid question. Of worry about him reading the column. . Tha·nks.to Sa!ri, J e'ffPolich course I have a paper to write. I may even By the way, I've had a number of people, clean the toilet tomorrow (I DID). Yes, I including faculty and staff members, stop. know I won'tbe able to graduate ifl don't me as I am wandering aimlessly through aclld - ::::~~~ Jeff .~ · --,··;~: Yeates. writethe@#!&*%$paper,andIknowthat the law school lobby while I'm supposed II - ;~;- "r ) \' - ~ • - _ .,.: ,-:~~.. : -. . - -'; if I ')ust sat down and worked on it," it to be in class and tell me, "Oh, I loved your '·· "00-.d '" ." ."'; ..... :: ;r"'.~ ,. -", ,--,. ;:";';:; ' ~ ~\ - L-' u' L- k"- would be fInished in a matter ofhours. But last colwnn. I've never laughed so hard in G- , • :. _ ,~~ , ;:c.-' '. ~ -:,~ ~ •• , ,-. - ~ . ' . unfortunately, I have reached that stage my life." These statements are a bit of a where I would rather walk barefooted on mystery to me. I'm sure my life is a little out the surface of the sun than even look at . of the ordinary. I mean most people do not that stack of crappe, much less sit down have interest in both knitting and auto and do something about it. It's helping me · mechanics. But the most humorous thing 14 ======Monday, April 24, 2000 THE AMIcus There Oughtn' Be a L aw

By Dennis Callahan So, since the editors of the venerable Times and costs $2.50 because exorbitant taxes create a de The Supreme Court had not yet fully exhaled its Posts oft he world are disinclined to do so, I will offer facto cigarette prohibition. The sanction for "break­

March 21 51 decision striking down the FDA's as­ a few alternative visions: ing the law" (i.e., buying a pack of cigarettes) is a serted jurisdiction over tobacco when the major fine that amounts to a six fold increase in the price metropolitan newspapers flicked their Bics™ for 1) People choose to smoke cigarettes because ofthe illicit commodity. Ifitwere truly serious about congressional protection. The next morning I read doing smoking is enjoyable. Sometimes I won­ drastically reducing teen smoking, the government a dozen or so edi torials addressing the case and was der if the pleasure of smoking is a little too naughty could take their blood money and post a full-time cop disheartened, but not surprised, to learn that all the to mention in polite company. I've tried to start at every convenience store in America for the sole dailies smoke the same brand-Regulation. smoking a couple of times, but it just didn't do it for purpose 0 f"carding" would-be adolescent cigarette Tre fin::troitbnof th= Washington Post goes to me. It's not a great regret, but what the heck, I'm purchasers. printat9:00pm. With as much deliberation as ice on happy for those who do enjoy long soothing drags, 4) Our Benevolent and .Protective Order of a sidewalk, a few hours after the decision was the slightly narcotic respite, the tensions of a hectic Government is the way to go. So this is what our handed down a Post editorial was calling on Con­ day dissipating in a puff. republic has come to-when confronted with a per- . gress, a body the paper chided for "long protect[ing] 2) We should all be free to seek our pleasures ceived problem, the only recourse is to impose the Big Tobacco from strong controls," to explicitly wherever and however we may as long as we majority will through representative democracy. grant the FDA authority to regulate tobacco. The don't infringe on the rights of others to seek We have been regulated for so long and to such a Post was the first paper to break out the football theirs. This sounds like a sensible enough proposi­ pervasive degree that we can't conceive of other cliches as it concluded that the Court was wrong to tion in this free country of ours, but I can hear the ways to combat smoking. There were no calls for "punt [the issue] back" and that "it's time for chorus now: "Oh, but the children are the ones Big private individual and collective action to publicize Congress to pick up the ball." Tobacco is addicting to their demon weed and it is the dangers of smoking. Civic organizations, Must have been a hell of a punt because it sailed today's children who will die horrible tobacco­ churches, and families were not implored to educate all the way to Los Angeles. The LA Times, appar­ related deaths 30,40, 50 years fromnow." A couple young potential smokers or give encouragerr: ~nt to ently unable to tell a kick from a pass, wrote, "The ofthoughts: First, why should the rights of children adult smokers who want to quit, but do not think they Supreme Court has thrown this issue squarely to be any less than those ofadults? Second, unless you have the will to do so. Why go through all that trouble Congress. Should our lawmakers punt now, they believe that one can become addicted to any routine and expense to organize such a movement when the will deserve voters' blame." What's going on here? activity, like reading books, cigarette "addiction" is results are likely to beni! (that pleasure thing again), Did the Green Bay Packers open a journalism 90% myth. My parents and two older sisters were and when it is so much easier to have Congress school? long time smokers (a combined 80 years or so) and legislate, legislate, legislate-and the administrative The New York Times saw the "setback" as they have all quit. Sure, I love them according to my state regulate, regulate, regulate-our troubles away? making "all the more imperative that Congress reign bond, but I do not live under the illusion that they are in the tobacco industry/' The Christian Science made of any sterner stuff than your "objective The Detroit Free Press put it this way: "There Monitor called on Congress to "tightly regulate" standard" man. ought to be a law. Mavbe somedav there will be. tobacco and the San FranCISCO Examiner wanted 3) Cigarettes are already illegal. The efficiency But a lot of kids will get hooked in the meantime." the "fast fix" of"Co ngress pass[ ing] new legislation of American industry in the area of low-tech con­ No, there oughtn't be a law, but, no doubt, someday that gives the FDA unequivocal power to regulate version of basic resources (in this case paper, soon there will be. As for kids being hooked, it is cigarettes." At least these editorials spared usthe cotton, and tobacco) is so great that Big Tobacco already too late-they were born hooked to and football metaphors, but their lockstep adherence to can place cigarettes on the shelves of your local 7- hooked on regulation. the regulatory solution was no less enervating. 11 for about two cents apiece. A pack of smokes

Tribe Crew In Search of New Coaches

ambition, and integrity to take the team to the next com­ William & Mary Rowing requires coaches for the 2000- These positions are compatible with a law school sched­ petitive level. Previous successful coaching experience 2001 academic year. ule. The Head Coach from 1996-99 was a law student, as at the collegiate level is desireable. Familiarity with the was the men's novice coach from 1997-98. Join one of the largest collegiate rowing programs in Mid-Atlantic collegiate rowing scene would be a positive. The Head Coach will also coach either the men's or the US (120+ athletes) and help us further our new We would also be interested in talking with anyone who women's varsity squad. traditions. This is a club-status program, but the attitude would be interested in assisting the team part-time. is professional and most of the team's opponents are ' a varsity coach, to coach either the men's or the funded programs. W &M is increasingly competitive For more information, please see our website: http:// women's varsity squad. Previous successful coaching within the Mid-Atlantic league: in 1999, eight crews made warthog.cc.wm.edulSOIWMRC the finals at the Mid-Atlantic Championships, including experience at the collegiate level is desired. medals for the 2V men (Gold), V men and 1N women (both Please apply bye-mail with a resume, a rowing resume, and two novice coaches, who will each coach a novice Silvers), and V women (Bronze). The men and the women a brief statement about your rowing philosophy to Dr CE squad (men or women). Previous coaching experience is achieved' national rankings in the top 10 for Div. III Ehrlich, Secretary, Friends of Williamsburg Rowing: not a pre-requisite. What is important is a love for the programs. Six students have been named Collegiate All­ . AmeIicans in the last two years. Come j oin in our excite­ sport and an enthusiastic attitude capable of infecting ment and help further the Tribe's new traditions. others with a love for the sport. All applicants must also show a clear understanding of We require: a Head Coach, who must be able to meet the challenge the role of intercollegiate athletics in a serious collegiate ofthe team's off-the-wateradministration, give the entire education. program (men and women) direction, and have the ability, • _ i .

Monday, April 24 , 2000 T HE A tv1ICUS 15 Paper Chase Photos

PSF would like to thank all those 'who came out and supported the Paper Chase and the Chili Cookoff! Your' support is greatly appreciated. ======~======Monaay , AprIl 24, 2000 THEAMlcus 16 =

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