That Was A Bit Mental: Volume 1 Reviews of films that are slightly less than sane Chris Scullion To my beautiful wife Louise, for putting up with all the shite I’ve made her watch over the past four years. I love you x Table Of Contents Introduction 28 Days Later (2002) Alien Terminator (1995) Alien Undead (2010) Amityville 3D (1983) Attack Of The Super Monsters (1982) Axe (1977) Battle Royale (2000) Battle Royale II: Requiem (2003) Behind The Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon (2006) Bless The Child (2000) Blood Car (2007) Blood Feast (1963) The Boneyard (1991) Bruce Lee Fights Back From The Grave (1976) Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992) Cannibal (2010) Children Of The Corn (1984) Children Of The Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992) Child’s Play (1988) Child’s Play 2 (1990) Child’s Play 3 (1991) Bride Of Chucky (1998) Seed Of Chucky (2004) Creepshow 3 (2006) Crimewave (1985) Dangerous Worry Dolls (2008) Dead Silence (2007) Deadly Blessing (1981) Deadtime Stories: Volume 1 (2009) Dinoshark (2010) Drag Me To Hell (2009) Elvira’s Haunted Hills (2001) The Evil Dead (1981) Exam (2009) Exorcismus (2010) The Exorcist (1973) The Exorcist: The Version You’ve Never Seen (2000) The Exterminator (1980) The Eye (2002) Final Destination (2000) For Y’ur Height Only (1981) Friday The 13th (1980) Ghostwatch (1992) The Gingerdead Man (2005) Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion Of The Crust (2008) Gremlins (1984) Halloween (1978) Halloween (2007) Halloween III: Season Of The Witch (1982) Hell Comes To Frogtown (1988) Hobo With A Shotgun (2011) The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009) Jaws 2 (1978) Jurassic Park (1993) The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) Jurassic Park III (2001) Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988) Killjoy (2000) The Langoliers (1995) Lockjaw (2008) Mega Piranha (2010) Mega Python Vs Gatoroid (2011) Night Of The Bloody Apes (1969) Night Of The Living Dead (1968) Nightbreed (1990) A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984) A Nightmare On Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985) A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) The Omen (1976) Damien: Omen II (1978) The Final Conflict (1981) Piranha 3D (2010) Planet Of The Apes (1968) Pumpkinhead (1988) Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010) Ringu (1998) Rasen (1998) The Ring Virus (1999) Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (2011) Rubber (2010) Scream (1996) Scream 2 (1997) Scream 3 (2000) Scream 4 (2011) Scream Bloody Murder (2000) The Self-Destruction Of The Ultimate Warrior (2005) Sharktopus (2010) Silent Hill (2006) Sleepaway Camp (1983) Return To Sleepaway Camp (2008) Spirited Away (2001) Swamp Shark (2011) Teen Wolf (1985) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) The Thing (2011) Troll 2 (1990) Turkey Shoot (1982) The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011) The Vault Of Horror (1973) The Witch Who Came From The Sea (1976) Introduction This is not your typical film review book. If you've downloaded this expecting a detailed critique of film theory, cinematography comparisons and complex dissections of Eisenstein's theory of montage as illustrated in Battleship Potemkin, then I can only hope you're reading the free trial version of this ebook because otherwise you've just wasted a few quid. As the title suggests, That Was A Bit Mental offers a collection of reviews that don't really take themselves too seriously. To put it blunty, I am an enormous fan of shite horror films. That may sound like a contradiction in terms, but by 'shite' I mean films that are generally slated by more mainstream film reviewers. For years it's been abundantly clear that the films I like are generally ones that are hated by the majority of film publications. The likes of Sleepaway Camp, Troll 2 and Child's Play were never likely to gather a couple of stars between them when reviewed by the likes of the late, great Roger Ebert, because the general consensus was that they were sloppily made, with a depressingly low budget and the sort of performances that made Miley Cyrus's twerking look like something out of Black Swan. Annoyed by this, I decided to set up ThatWasABitMental.com, a website dedicated to less serious reviews of weird, wonderful and generally odd films: the sort of films that, when the credits end, cause you to turn to your friend, partner, sibling or nurse and say: “Well, that was a bit mental.” The ratings given in my reviews don't necessarily take into account acting ability, directorial aptitude or cinematic splendour. If I was entertained for the duration of the film – for good reasons or bad – then it's going to score highly. Anyone who's attended a public screening of The Room (said to be one of the worst films ever) will understand the potential joys of a 'so- bad-it's-good' movie, and that's one of the underlying principles of That Was A Bit Mental. The more perceptive among you will have already glanced at the contents and will be wondering why certain films feature, since they don't necessarily count as bad movies (The Exorcist) or even films that are “a bit mental” (such as the fairly tame Jaws 2). This was due to my pathetic decision to bow to peer pressure and extend the reach of my criteria. As the site began to grow in popularity, a friend asked me to review Jurassic Park. “That's not mental enough,” I told them, fearing the inclusion of a more mainstream film would ruin the point of the site. “It's a film about an eccentric Scotsman who wants to clone dinosaurs and put them in a big theme park on a tropical island,” my friend replied. “If that's not mental enough I can only imagine what's in the films you put on the site.” He had a point. With that in mind, I reviewed Jurassic Park (and its sequels) and vowed to widen the net a little. These days, ThatWasABitMental.com contains reviews of all different types of film. Horror remains the main focus (since all horror films are at least little out-of- the-ordinary by definition), but other slightly mad films have featured on the site (even The Care Bears Movie, another request). The general criteria now for review consideration is that a film must not be a romantic comedy. Unless it has vampires in it. This book contains freshened up versions of the first 100 reviews featured on That Was A Bit Mental. Each review has been 'remastered', which is just an arsey movie-lingo way of saying I've gone through them and added bits, taken out bits that didn't read well, and generally tidied them up so they're of a higher standard. I've also added updated information on how to get hold of each film, in case you like what you read and want to see it (all information is correct as of September 2013). Since the majority of people reading this ebook will be from the UK and North America, the information is given for both the UK and US. Apologies if you're French... for multiple reasons. Finally, each review has an added 'Bits and Pieces' section, where I've added a couple of extra miscellaneous thoughts, trivia and other general tidbits that didn't fit into the review. These are exclusive to the ebook and didn't originally feature on the website. I hope you enjoy this ebook. If it makes you chuckle, I'd greatly appreciate it if you could head to the Kindle store or Amazon later on and give it a good review. The more people notice and buy the book, the more I can grow That Was A Bit Mental and the more reviews I'll be able to write in the future. A massive thank you for reading. Chris Scullion 28 Days Later (2002) Director: Danny Boyle Starring: Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Christopher Eccleston “No, no, see, this is a really shit idea. Know why? Because it’s really obviously a shit idea.” Jim (Cillian Murphy) awakens from a coma to find that it’s been 28 days since Britain has been exposed to a highly infectious virus known as Rage. He doesn’t know it yet but because he’s been lying in a hospital he’s become one of the last remaining uninfected people in Britain. I went to see 28 Days Later on its day of release in the UK back in November 2002 and as a result managed to see it without getting swept up in the wave of hype that eventually gathered afterwards. Despite the positive write-ups I’d seen on it, when I first saw it I came out of the cinema slightly disappointed. It was only after repeated viewings that it grew on me and now I think it’s a great film. What can I say, I’m a fickle bastard. In fairness, this wasn’t the fault of the film itself. It was the fault of those write-ups and the promotional material for the film selling it as a zombie film. The trailer gave the impression it was a zombie film, it was being billed as a zombie film, and as a result I was ready to see a zombie film. Though a decade later many will look back and say “that was a great zombie film”, let’s get the context clear – at the time of its release, 28 Days Later did not feel like one. At that point we had yet to see the likes of Dawn Of The Dead (2004) and other films that portrayed zombies as fast, dangerous predators rather than the shuffling, stumbling, mindless ghouls they’d always been portrayed as.