Investigation: Drugs in Sport Finding Footlights Funny Survey reveals anabolic steroid and creatine Five writers ask if abuse in Cambridge sport Cambridge’s comedy can still make the world laugh

www.varsity.co.uk No. 626 Friday November 4, 2005 The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 FREE BOOK FOR EVERY READER CAMBRIDGE STILL LEADS

Claim your IN GRADUATE MARKET own copy of a 97% Graduate Employment - unchanged since 1957 classic novel less than one percent since 1957. training”. He said that many Joe Gosden The Cambridge figure is the low- newer universities lack a careers from espite the falling national est for any comparable UK uni- service that “actively seeks out Dvalue of university quali- versity with five percent of graduate employment opportu- acclaimed fications nationwide, a Imperial College London gradu- nities in the way that is done at Cambridge degree remains the ates still seeking work and six Cambridge…the jobs are out Whitbread best chance of getting a good job. percent of graduates from Bath there but often need teasing The findings of the recent “Class University and the University of out”. Attention was also drawn winner of ‘99” report indicate that more Oxford registered as unem- to the sector of Graduate Track than a quarter of students who ployed. Jobs, jobs that may not in them- Susan Hill graduated from UK universities In an exclusive interview with selves be of graduate status but in 1999 are still not in full-time Varsity Gordon Chesterman, feed directly into those that are. >> page 13 employment relating to their Director of the Cambridge The number of Cambridge grad- long term career plans but Careers Service, explained why uates entering this sector that has Cambridge figures show Cantab. the Cantab. degree is so valuable. rapidly expanded in recent years. graduates remain the most He said “Graduate employers still The “Class of ‘99” report also Cambridge University ranked employable. love Cambridge students, as revealed that students who hold The report found that nation- much for their rigorous degree jobs while at university are only third in the world ally almost half of the graduates courses as for their extra curricu- half as likely to get a First as their who entered employment lar activities.” He added “over counterparts who do not. Natalie Simkins immediately on leaving universi- 180 companies seeking to Although taking paid employ- 1 Harvard ty were in non-graduate level employ graduates from ment while studying at jobs and six years after leaving Cambridge gave presentations Cambridge remains prohibited, A season of scandal he Times Higher university three percent of grad- last year, and some even came many students continue to do so, as students bare all Educational Supplement uates were still unemployed. A back twice to ensure they raising concern over the poten- for two plays and a T(THES) World University 2 MIT massive gender imbalance was recruited as many Cambridge tial damage that they could be calendar Rankings have shown the also uncovered, with female students as possible.” doing to their degree. A New Hall >> page 3 University of Cambridge to be graduates earning on average 15 Chesterman believed it was third year who had taken paid the top British University in 3 Cambridge percent less than their male the newer universities that were employment while at Cambridge results published this week. counterparts four years after struggling to provide such high hit back at the finding, telling Harvard University and graduation. levels of graduate recruitment Varsity: “spending eight to ten Massachussetts Institute of The Cambridge Career Service and were also retaining fewer of hours a week in employment is Technology ranked first and sec- 4 Oxford Annual Report indicates that their students for further study. nothing compared to the time it ond, respectively. Cambridge students should not “More graduates are choosing to takes to play most university The Times World University be overly concerned. Only 3.4 remain in Cambridge to complete level sports.” She added that she Rankings, the prestigious guide 5 percent of Cambridge students further study, in particular taking thought taking employment had to the world’s top Universities, Stanford who graduated in 2003 were still an MPhil course…47 percent of “absolutely no effect” on her aims to offer a consistent and sys- seeking employment after a year, graduates go into some sort of ability to study for a degree. tematic look at the institutions in University of a figure that has fluctuated by further academic or vocational >> Features, page 10 the context of global education. 6 The annual rankings are based California on citation of academic research, Sam Torrance staff-to-student ratios and the Arrowsmith: “CUSU Education Officer pointless” >>page 27 number of students and staff 7 Yale recruited from overseas. nobody seems to be able to say Arrowsmith claims that his A Cambridge spokesperson Jude Townend exactly what it is there for. The position as CULC chair is in no said: “We're pleased to have been 8 CIT ideal person for the position way affected: “The two are com- placed so well in the table. As fter announcing that he would have a committee fetish pletely separate” in defence of the THES has recognized, A“didn’t see the point” of his and an aversion to suggesting accusations that he was over- Cambridge provides world-class role, Martin Arrowsmith anything concrete to be done”. committed and stressed. Laura education and academic 9 Princeton has resigned from his position as Higher Education Officer Dan Walsh said, “He’s chosen other research.” CUSU Education Officer. In Swain said, “The position is things over CUSU. He had a lot of Editor of THES John O’Leary Ecole response Academic Affairs officer important as long as we believe other things on – CUSU wasn’t a said, “the greatest influence has 10 Drew Livingstone told Varsity “the that an education campaign is priority for him. He didn’t attend been exerted by those in the best Polytechnique role is very important and it is important. Unfortunately, Martin meetings. He seemed to want to position to judge: the academics.” really what the person in office clearly felt unable to campaign get more involved this term and Entrepreneurs Not all of the Universities makes it”. effectively and make the position even turned up for the odd meet- >>page 7 included in the survey were as 11 Duke The resignation comes in the a viable and effective one, howev- ing, shock horror!” content as Cambridge. A wake of bizarre anonymous er that is not to say that the posi- Arrowsmith’s resignation, fol- University College London emails to Varsity that accused tion is in any way unjustified.” lows the departure of Aleishia spokesperson said, “We have Arrowsmith of failing to fulfil his Arrowsmith complained that Goulbourn as CUSU concerns with the methodology 12 LSE duties at CUSU and as President of CUSU's "approach to every prob- Entertainments Officer earlier this for these particular rankings, the CU Labour Club. Yesterday lem is to create new committees.” term. Ents Manager Nikhil Shah especially the peer review score Livingstone said, “he did start to He also accused CUSU of not tak- described her as “going complete- accounting for 40% of the over- 13 Imperial do more this term but has decided ing any action or making cam- ly AWOL”. Laura Walsh said “she all score, which seems to intro- to go. CUSU did put some pres- paigns. “The architecture protest never did anything, she was even duce a degree of subjectivity into sure on him to make more of his was largely organised by their stu- worse than Martin.” The position the exercise. We have already role but we didn’t force him to dent society and getting students was re-elected last night, although raised these with the THES, and 14 Cornell resign.” excited over top-up fees isn't Shah was unaware of this. David look forward to further discus- Arrowsmith told Varsity that he exactly hard work! Other than Clough stood unopposed on the The Subways sion on this in the coming “fails to see the point of having a that I can't recall any significant manifesto that he “would bring interview months.” 15 Beijing CUSU Education Officer as campaigns run by CUSU.” back Indie to Cambridge.” >>page 16 IP wars >6 Always hanging around fashion >9 Tom Williams is a news junkie >11 Blues Rugby Sport >26 2 Varsity News 04.11.05 news in brief Oxbridge now Robot Surgery The technology, created by Blag for RAG Adi Dasgupta American medical researchers, RAG’s first new event since in the dock has so for been implemented in 2003 will launch on Monday. In strongly denied any claims of Addenbrooke’s hospital in just a few hospitals across the ‘The Big RAG Big Blag’, which Joanna Trigg favouritism. He said: “The candi- Cambridge has put into action UK. Addenbrooke’s is the first in will run 7th to 22nd November, dates’ educational background this week one of the UK’s first the region to implement the students are challenged to The Lord Chancellor, Lord played no part in the process.” The medical robots designed to assist revolutionary technology. swap a RAG pen for something Falconer of Thoroton, has denied Lord Chancellor accused the com- in cancer surgery. Addenbrooke’s has brought in that’s worth as much money as claims of favouring Oxbridge edu- mission, chaired by Sir Colin The three-armed robot, called American doctors to help train possible through a series of cated candidates when appointing Campbell, vice-chancellor of the “Da Vinci Robotic System”, their medical staff on how to use swaps. The students will have judges. An independent watch- Nottingham University, of produc- uses 2 arms equipped with 3-4 the robot. two weeks of “mad blagging dog, The Commission for Judicial ing "inaccurate and damaging mm instruments to help sur- The robot was purchased at a and swapping with friends, Appointments, stated in their reports". Lord Chancellor Falconer geons operate on cancerous hefty cost of £1 million. family and local businesses” annual report that "male, Yet a spokesperson from the prostate glands with minimal Addenbrookes doctors believe before the the items blagged Oxbridge-educated barristers fared Commission for Judicial Chancellor favours Oxbridge can- invasiveness. The third arm the cost will be well offset in will be up for auction. The disproportionately well" in the Appointments told Varsity that didates”. He told Varsity that “It operates a high-tech 3D camera. benefits to Cambridge residents blagger with the highest sell- competition process. It added that “the Lord has denied what he has- must be remembered that in the Surgeons at Addenbrookes and patients and in publicity for ing lot will win a prize, details "the Lord Chancellor's involve- n’t been accused of”. He pointed generation we are talking about a hail the introduction of this lat- the hospital. of which to be announced on ment at the end of the process out that the Lord Chancellor had far higher proportion of the best est mechanical employee as a CEN Monday. RAG President, Simon increased the proportion of taken offence from a one-line law graduates came from these step towards Addenbrooke’s Sprague, hopes that one day Oxbridge-educated candidates statement in a report of approxi- two Universities”. When present- becoming a national center for the event could be bigger than who were appointed over and mately eighty pages. The commis- ed with this, the Commission for this kind of surgery. Though it Jailbreak.“I’m not expecting to above those recommended by sion was “concerned with the Judicial Appointments reacted by began successfully assisting in find a row of Porsches parked officials". effect of the process” and is “in no saying “we support the principle real operations just a few days outside the RAG office, but Ten out of the sixteen position to apply motives to the of appointment on merit”, but ago, doctors say that patients are then, who would have thought Oxbridge-educated applicants Lord Chancellor”. Its spokesper- added that “one criteria of merit is already seeing the benefits in two students would have got to were successful, compared to only son told Varsity of their awareness to have a judiciary that will inspire greatly reduced post-operative Hawaii and back for free?” nine out of the thirty-five appli- of a need to increase diversity and public confidence and can draw side-effects and recovery time. Entry will cost £2 per student. cants educated at other universi- for a transparent selection process from a wide range of back- Surgeons operate the robot ties in the Russell group. Overall, so that any such motives cannot grounds”. via a control panel in the sur- TEENS CN SPELL 2 sixty-three per cent of Oxbridge be applied. This dispute comes soon after gery theatre. The robot’s super- Standards of teenage written graduates were successful, com- Professor James Crawford, the Lord Chancellor was found to precise instruments allows sur- English have gone up since pared to twenty-five per cent of Chairman of the Faculty of Law at have rejected a unanimous deci- geons to operate in far smaller the 1990s, according to applicants from other back- Cambridge University, disagrees sion by the interview panel for a spaces with greater accuracy Cambridge researchers in a grounds. with the accusations against Lord Chancery judge position and sub- than ever previously possible. Its study published last week. Lord Falconer, who studied law Falconer, saying that “I think it is stituted his own less experienced camera lets surgeons view the Findings showed that literacy at Queens’ College, Cambridge, very unlikely that the Lord candidate. procedure more clearly as well. The Da Vinci Robotic System skills had improved signifi- cantly in GCSEs since the 1996 findings. The Cambridge Assessment report tracks the written abili- Fleet Street comes to Cambridge ties of students aged16+ from 1984 – 2004. Alf Massey, Head Journalists of all levels can Only two of the ten fellowships of life. Seminars are led by experts a hothouse of “varying ideas”; of Evaluation and Validation Sidika Ulker apply and the fellows are not were awarded to British writers: from all over the world, and focus orthodox Christians battled said,“In 2004, vocabulary and required to have any formal aca- Martin Redfern, a producer at the on the connection between with those of solely scientific sentence structures were Applications are currently open demic training in the sciences. Nor BBC and Michael Brooke, a New humanity’s quest for scientific dis- mindsets, such as Richard more ambitious and spelling for the Templeton-Cambridge is there any religious requirement. Scientist writer. covery and religious belief. Dawkins, to create an atmos- accuracy held up too. Journalism Fellowships in Science The John Templeton Foundation Successful candidates are Previous speakers have included phere of great “intellectual Candidates in 2004 were also and Religion. This is the second describes the most important crite- awarded a £15,000 grant and Richard Dawkins and Simon stimulus”. Applications for the more aware of the need for time that the fellowships, a collab- ria as being “an applicant’s sincere given a book allowance. They Conway Morris. fellowships can be submitted punctuation. Use of full stops, oration between the University analytical interest in science and attend a three-week seminar Dr. Liz Thomeson, an admin- up until December 15 and fel- capital letters, commas, colons and the John Templeman religion, superior record of jour- course at Cambridge University istrator of the journalism fel- lows will be announced early and semi colons all improved; Foundation, have been offered. nalistic achievement.” and are also expected to carry out lowship, described last year’s next year. whilst use of the apostrophe They allow ten journalists to take Competition for places last year independent research into a spe- seminars as an “intense discus- was better controlled. two months off over the summer was fierce; 157 journalists applied, cific area of interest. In the past, sion of religion…alive with Teenages were, however, ten to investigate and study the links of whom 47 were rated by organ- projects have included cosmology, intellectual energy”. She added per cent more likely to use between science and religion. isers as being “highly qualified”. genetic engineering and the origin that previous debates had been www.templeton-cambridge.org colloquial words, informal phrases and text-messaging shorthand in examinations Cambridge declared second safest city to drive in Lure of the Big Top Bell rings for Nelson than in 1980.” In a report issued this week by Endsleigh Insurance, Cambridge After only four weeks at A quarter peal of 1320 Changes of Nelson’s Victory Treble Bob was found to have fewer accident claims than the national aver- Cambridge, an overwhelmed Minor was rung on October 21 October at the Church of St Antibodies row resolved age, although the city did not appear in the ‘safest for Car Theft’ fresher has run away to join Edward King and Martyr to mark the 200th Anniversary of the Cambridge Antibody list. Endsleigh claims that car accidents and crime are falling the circus. The student, who Battle of Trafalgar. The bell ringing was conducted by A.T. Technology (CAT) won a $300 across the UK as a whole. was reading music at Winter of Christ’s College. million dispute last week. The Universities urged to expand bursaries Homerton College, is said to Damons on the loose at King’s American Abbot Dundee Vice Chancellor Sir Alan Langlands has urged universi- have fallen in love with the After a tumultuous year, King's college seems to be edging Laboratories, the fourth ties to increase the number of bursaries available to students trapeze after a summer at cir- towards the more mundane. The recently established Matt largest U.S drugmaker, has applying for Law and Medicine. He warned that top-up fees cus camp. She was awarded a Damon Society promises a quieter alternative to the excitement been forced to drop its could discourage students from poorer backgrounds from place as a trainee trapeze artist of last term. Members can enjoy 'watching Matt Damon films', appeal of a UK ruling that applying for the subjects, which “are often seen as the preserve at a local circus following an 'nodding sagely at his philosophical outpourings' and 'intoning called for it to pay higher roy- of the wealthy”. audition in her second week. the sacred mantra: Matt Damon. alties, which will allow CAT to receive payments of £25 to 30 million this year. The Granta >>page 8 Park based biotechnology company’s success in the Can CUSU keep the BNP out? George Humira Arthritis treatment Jenni Woolf, CUSU Anti-Racism Officer, warns of the threat posed to students dispute has led to CAT shares Monbiot rising by up to 8.9 per cent. I fear for student safety. This the country. A Young BNP feel safe, not afraid. Any violation effective reactive response, but week, a religious minority group Member, interviewed in August of this right must elicit a strong also a pro-active campaign to in Cambridge was targeted by an this year for the Glees Report stat- response. prevent racism and religious activist, email from the British National ed, “the BNP are trying to attract On Wednesday evening CUSU intolerance in our University, Party, seemingly attempting to those at University. After all, who Council passed policy mandating and ensure that its students feel journalist, incite religious discord and divi- are you more likely to listen to, the Anti-Racism Officer, with the secure in their academic envi- listen sion. Searchlight, an anti-racist someone with a PhD or a skin- help of the Black Students ronment. I urge those affected by environmentalist and anti-fascist organisation have head? It doesn’t matter what the Officer, to investigate the current a race-related incident or con- also expressed concern about BNP doctorate is in, it still looks good.” threats to Cambridge students tacted by the BNP to report it in You can hear activity in the area. Signs of the The recent appointment of a BNP from organised groups inciting confidence to anti- hidden threat of racial and reli- Student Organiser further indi- racial hatred, and to form a plan [email protected], black- Varsity on the gious hatred have been seen in cates their blatant targeting of stu- of action in response to be rati- [email protected] or radio on Cambridge more recently than dents. Wherever the BNP are fied at Council in due course. [email protected]. many might expect, including the active, students of racial, ethnic The motion also expressed con- Sadly, it has become clear that Mondays at vandalism of cash machines with and religious minorities and cern that a large number of race- the BNP are now operating with- 7pm. swastika graffiti last year and the homosexual students feel under related incidents go unreported in our University. Until now it has appearance of similar graffiti on threat and at risk. Students have and this is an issue that must be been hidden, but is nevertheless a CUR 1350 Castle Street earlier this term. the right to study in an environ- addressed. The more CUSU real and imminent threat to stu- The BNP have been attempting ment where they feel comfort- knows about such incidents, the dent security which must not be to whip up student support across able, not threatened; where they more we can have not only an ignored. our policy The VARSITY IS DEDICATED TO BRINGING YOU THE MOST RELEVANT AND INTRIGUING NEWS AS AND WHEN IT HAPPENS. Week In

THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN OUR CONTENT Weather ARE THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBU- FRI SAT SUN MON TUE WED THUR TORS, AND NOT NECESSARILY OF VARSITY PUB- LICATIONS LIMITED. 04.11.05 News Varsity 3 Simple bare necessities DERRINGER MICHAEL ...but it’s not all about getting nude NUDITY". According to director News Reporter Lawrence Hooper the play is shocking but “the audience feed- Cambridge students are stripping back has been very positive - off this week, but the people we've been selling out every behind the decision to bare all say evening." He claimed responsibili- that nudity is not what it is all ty for the nudist fashion: "Well, I about. The rash of nudist activity think I'm setting a trend!" then comes after one student bravely conceded, "seriously, it’s all quite bared all at Club 22, pictured in coincidental. I think people have last week's Varsity. been looking back to the 1960s, Cambridge University Musical student rebellion and so forth." Theatre Society's Hair, which is The third act of student strip- running at the ADC from ping comes in the form of a Naked FRAMPTON ROBIN November 8-12, features two or Vets' calendar, a fundraiser for the three actors at each performance Cambridge charity, Camvet. divesting themselves of their cos- Organiser and model Tom Rolfe- tume. Producer Sarah Sylvester says "the emphasis is on Brocklehurst insisted the nudity conveying ‘the day of a vet’ and was “not a gimmick or the main raising lots of money - with an selling point... it’s tasteful, backlit added bit of nakedness." He and only lasts a few minutes”. She described the origin of the project: explained that the experience was "over a few pints in Wetherspoons a “liberating” one for the actors six weeks ago we came up with and “a radical contrast to the strict the calendar - which depicts day- work ethic of Cambridge”. to-day activities of a vet student The Homerton Amateur from rectalling cows to doing a Theatrical Society's Orgy, running consultation, milking and riding" at Corpus playrooms until tomor- But, he assures Varsity, "they Clockwise from top right: row, is advertised as "the most were fully consenting cows - no Orgy at the Corpus scandalous play of the term" and animals were hurt in the process!" Playrooms, Hair at comes with the tagline "WARN- To buy the £8.95 calendar send an the ADC, and all vets ING: THIS PLAY CONTAINS e-mail to [email protected] - great and small Queens’ Ents bops back to life Classic DVD It’s “nunc aut numquam” for schools the regulations. Rachel Woolley Amy Hoggart from Fitzwilliam’s Ents commitee make Latin available”. More points out that exceeding capacity Jamie Munk DVDs are due to be put on the Two of Queens' Ents' most popu- will sharply increase the cash market later this year, covering lar nights were cancelled by col- taken. Last May, Jamie Milne, The Cambridge Schools Classics Latin teaching up to GCSE level. lege authorities last weekend after president of Queens’ Ents, told Project (CSCP) has launched a £5 Griffiths did not discount the pos- suspected safety breaches at a pre- the college student union that million scheme aimed at reviving sibility of expanding up to A Level vious event. “Bhangra Night” and Ents had made a profit on every the study of Latin in secondary in the future. “Rocky Horror Show”, two annu- bop so far during the Easter term. schools. Funded by the Griffiths admitted, however, al favourites in the Queens' Ents Woolley stressed that risking a Department for Education and that praise was not universal. calendar, were abandoned whilst disaster “just isn't worth it, so at Skills (DfES), the new project aims “Some people in the classics facul- a college investigation into safety Fitzwilliam we stick pretty strin- to make Latin accessible to stu- ty are against this work”, he told procedures was underway. gently to capacity and other dents from every educational Varsity. In their eyes the project is The inquiry was convened fol- health and safety regulations.” Jo background using DVDs and a “dumbing down” of a purely lowing complaints by bouncers Slota, also on the Fitz commitee, online material. academic subject, he added. Yet that tickets for the “A & E” bop on added that pushing regulations Last year only a third of the for the CSCP the main priority is 22 October had been massively aside quickly becomes "unsafe". 10,000 pupils who sat Latin GCSE to actually get Latin back into oversold. As many as 100 people Safety regualtions are drawn up exam came from state schools. schools. Numbers studying Latin over the safety limit may have for each venue based on the size The figure for A-level is a mere in state schools are finally stabilis- been granted entry, though no of the room and the number of 1000. As Will Griffiths, Director of ing and although there is still a formal count was made. Sources exits. To adhere to them, the CSCP put it, “if we don’t do steady decline in the private sec- suggest that the Ents committee Fitzwilliam prints tickets for only something, Latin will die out in tor, the new programme is a may have deliberately disregarded 80% of capacity, leaving space for schools”. promising step towards breathing the safety regulations despite their more people to buy them on the The most immediate difficulty life back into the ‘dead’ language. responsibility to maintain them. door. is the lack of Latin teachers. One A college source told Varsity that Jacqui Tedd from King’s of the new scheme’s biggest selling fellows acted over concerns about College’s Cellar Bar committe said points is that it can be taught by the “legal and safety implica- that her college counted each non-specialists, considerably tions”. person as they arrived, and for widening potential participation. The investigation, which safety's sake admitted slightly So far schools have enthusiasti- involved a number of academics fewer than the legal limit. cally welcomed the new drive; the and other staff, aimed to examine Running friction between enter- 300 interactive DVDs of the pilot the general safety of Ents, as well tainment committees and the col- sold out just 3 days after their DA as the allegations relating to over- lege authorties is a concern for release last month. Griffiths told HEINEMAN VID crowding. Ents officials from both Fitzwilliam and Kings. Varsity of the “very positive” other colleges have suggested that Queens' Ents has been permitted reception of his project at a DfES money may have motivated to resume their bops from this schools conference this week, Queens’ apparent disregard for Friday. Last Friday, the lights went back up on Queen’s Ents adding “a lot of schools want to

noon, I chaired the first meeting of the Global Steering Monday Committee, part of the organization now in place to Chaired the University Council in the morning – the support our 800th Anniversary Campaign. This com- Council meets monthly during term to discuss and over- mittee includes the Campaign Co-Chairmen and focuses see all aspects of University policy. Council members more on the activities we’re fundraising for, rather than are elected from across the University, with representa- on the fundraising itself. tives of students, College heads, academic staff, and external members. Thursday A much-needed morning in the office catching up with Tuesday correspondence, then back to London for a meeting of Spent the morning in regular meetings with senior col- the heads of the Russell Group of UK research universi- leagues. I was planning to go to London at lunch time ties. I wasn’t able to stay for dinner, since I had to for a meeting with David Cameron as Shadow dash across town to speak at the London launch of the Education Secretary, but to nobody’s surprise he can- 800th Campaign. This ended quite late, and as I need- celled as he started to garner support for the Tory Party ed to be back in London the next morning, I stayed leadership. This last minute gap in my calendar gave overnight. me chance to shoe-horn in a meeting to take forward plans for the new University Investment Board. Friday weekdays I’m a member of Universities UK’s England and Wednesday Northern Ireland Council, and that meeting was com- Lunch with Lord Paul at the House of Lords. An amaz- bined with a meeting of UUK’s Board. There are inter- PROFESSOR ALISON RICHARD ing man, from humble roots in the Punjab, whose time esting changes in the works at UUK, and it’s good to be as a student (at MIT) transformed him into an entrepre- part of the discussions. UNIVERSITY VICE-CHANCELLOR neur, businessman and philanthropist. In the after- 4 Varsity News 04.11.05

On Campus Hospital to join Addenbrooke’s Photos brighten up Black History lar surgery, neurology or diebe- Tom Aizlewood tology at Addenbrookes; “It building site Month talk would be a very good idea to “Iconic images of Cambridge” Mamdou Diouf will talk to the Last Thursday the Board of relocate”, says Prof. J. Herbert at have been printed on the boards Faculty of Social and Political Directors at Papworth Hospital the Department of Physiology, around the edge of the Grand Science on Wall Paintings and approved a relocation to the near- “the hospital needs the back-up Arcade Development as part of Senegalese Arts of Citizenship on by Addenbrooke’s site. Papworth of a large infrastructure, both an attempt to make the site look November 14 as part of the con- is ten miles west of Cambridge, research back-up and medical more attractive. The photographs tinuing celebrations of Black and the premier hospital in the UK back-up”. were taken by internationally History Month. Diouf, from the for heart and lung disease. Addenbrooke’s Chairman, Dr renowned photographer Martin University of Michigan, will give Replacing the old hospital will be a Mary Archer, and Chief Parr and the images are to be the lecture at the New Museum new 70-acre facility next to the Executive, Malcolm Stamp, have changed regularly to allow shop- Site. Cambridge Biomedical Campus, welcomed the proposals, saying: pers to view all 40 in the collec- costing an estimated £170 million. “The hospital’s re-location will tion. Addenbrooke’s to The building work, likely to be bring the opportunity to improve have Stem Call funded in part by a Public Funding services not only for the local The current Papworth Hospital site Archives achieve Index, should be finished by 2011. population but also to benefit Bank Among the co-signatories are medicine world-wide. The collab- efits in terms of research too: “An The potential repercussions for national recogni- Addenbrooke’s will be one of the Stephen Bridge, Chief Executive oration will foster and advance integrated research institution will Cambridge’s roads could also be tion first Stem Cell banks in the UK. of Papworth NHS Trust, and new clinical techniques and be part and parcel of the project”. serious. Papworth currently deals The Churchill Archives, based at The Rosie Hospital, in collabora- Paul Kemp, Director of Finance translational research.” Despite the apparent benefits with 40,000 patients a year which Churchill College, have been des- tion with the British Stem Call and Performance for the region- Ken Brewer, the Project of the relocation, concerns have could mean a lot more vehicles ignated as being of “outstanding Registry (BSCR), is hoping to al Strategic Health Authority. Director, says that there are two been raised over the fate of the approaching Addenbrooke’s in national and international impor- offer parents-to-be the opportu- The benefits of the core initiative more hurdles before the relocation old site, and the extra traffic ot 2011. Brewer highlights two ini- tance” by the Museums, Libraries nity to store stems cells from the are listed in terms of re-inforcing is certain: planning permission might bring to the already heav- tiatives which might help: a new and Achives Council. The umbilical cord of their newborn the technology available at from the county council, and ily congested Hills Road. road from the Park and Ride into archives contain all the papers of child. The idea is that in the Addenbrookes: health problems acceptance of an outline business Papworth’s move could have a the Addenbrooke’s site would Winston Churchill, from his earli- future, a person’s stored cells can within the increasingly elderly case by both the Strategic Health detrimental effect on employ- alleviate some of the jams on Hills est childhood letters to his great- be matured into the particular tis- demographic in the UK are fre- Authority and the Department of ment in the local area, it is like- Road, and a new ‘guided bus’, est war time speeches. sue required for treatment, saving quently complex – heart disease Health. He hopes these goals will ly current employees would would run on roads and the the the cost and emotional turmoil may well be accompanied by be achieved by next summer. If so, either have to face longer jour- old Cambridge to Bedford railway. Tugging poverty associated with tissue trans- diabetes, for instance. There are alongside benefits to staff and ney times or find alternative Both initiatives are expected by towards history plants. currently no facilities for vascu- patients, he says there will be ben- employment. 2008. The Make Poverty History cam- Ben and Jerry’s for Last Friday saw the paign organized an “unfair tug record set for the of war” on Christ’s Pieces on donors “most nails painted Saturday to highlight the unfair- Ben and Jerry’s have joined up It’s a Big Issue in one hour” at ness of the current International with the National Blood Service Debenham’s in the JAMIE MARLAND Trade Law. Six children repre- to give student donors a “thank- Issue gave me the chance to start Grafton Centre. Lena sented every developed coun- you” present after they give Harpreet Dua getting by. A lot of people that White painted as try, whilst only one represented blood - vouchers for a free tub sell it have just managed to get many nails pink as every undeveloped country in of ice cream. A spokesperson Big Issue sellers in Cambridge themselves straight. I’ve not she could as part of the contest. 250 people also said: “It’s brilliant to get young will have their official pitches cut been in trouble for two years Breast Cancer signed cards to send to their people giving blood whilst they in number following complaints now and I’m getting myself Awareness Month. MPs calling for fairer trade rules are students, because if they from shoppers. The number of together.” ahead of the next World Trade make donating blood a habit for sites in town where the maga- Darrel Smith, a Big Issue seller Cambridge shoppers Organization meeting in November. life, they could potentially keep zine is licensed to be sold from is in St Andrew's Street, said he has were persuaded to on giving until they’re 70 – that’s to be reduced from 15 to 12. been warned his pitch would be provide both their a lot of blood!” Cambridge city-centre manag- one of the sites to go. He said: nails and their dona- er, Annette Joyce, explained that "The council have been trying to tions to the cause. the reduction would be followed get rid of us for years, but there's by the creation of a new pitch at no way I can stick around if my Cambridge railway station - the pitch is cancelled." Students have Cross Campus decision having been made in also been critical of the decisions Two more attacks collaboration between Cambridge made. Josh Mangeot, of Caius Demonised by City Council, Cambridgeshire College, said: “It is simply ridicu- clearly similarities”. In both inci- posed inability to cook and the police and The Big Issue. She said: lous. If the council is going to Will Smith dents the attackers were described Radio One fact that Pepper had actually “There's a general review of the restrict the few opportunities as two men wearing dark coats Demon FM, DeMontfort been to the university are pitches being conducted - we've homeless people have then they Two people were assaulted and and bags were stolen from the vic- University Student radio, was rumoured to have swung the looked at the number of The Big should make sufficient provisions robbed in separate attacks in tims. called live on air by Scott Mills vote. Issue sellers and we're aware to provide for them in return.” Cambridge last Tuesday, prompt- Despite a police appeal there of Radio One on Tuesday Cambridge does have more than ing concern about growing levels have been no developments in the evening and told to either turn Oxford Red Light elsewhere.” of violence in the city. These case. DC Sinclair stressed that wit- off their broadcast or find a new “If you walk from the Grafton reports follow last week’s Varsity nesses should come forward: “We frequency. Mills was respond- District? Centre to the city centre you'll investigation into student safety. need to find those responsible and ing to an enraged Radio One An Oxford City Councillor has probably be accosted more times CAMERON In the first incident, a 30 year- bring them to justice. Any infor- listener who had complained proposed that prostitution than is reasonable - and we've old man was assaulted in Abbey mation could be vital.”

that the “amateur student should be legalised in Cowley, had a number of complaints ELAINE Walk and left with serious head There have already been three broadcast” hampered his a part of Oxford largely inhabit- about it.” She continued, “We injuries. Just over an hour later a incidents this term that have enjoyment of Mills’ show ed by students. Councillor fully support The Big Issue, but 44 year-old woman was attacked sparked concern about student because of interference. Sadjik Malik said that regulated we're also aware it doesn’t help on her doorstep in Gwydir Street, safety. Most recently, an under- Demon FM resolutely refused premises would be safer for the the sellers themselves if there's a before being dragged along the graduate at Robinson College was to alter their broadcast, with girls involved. The proposal pitch every few feet.” road. She suffered cuts and bruis- the target of an attempted attack station DJ James Bacon telling has provoked major concern One Big Issue seller comment- es to her legs and was severely by a taxi driver. Varsity “I don’t really care what from Oxford colleges, worried ed that the complaints are likely traumatised by the attack. Cambridge Police, however, Scott Mills thinks, we’re not that Cowley could be turned to be a result of unofficial sellers, In a statement, Detective stressed that there was no need changing anything”. into a ghetto and cut off from who do not wear The Big Issue Constable Rich Sinclair said he for alarm among students. They the city centre. badge. He warned that the cut in was “keeping an open mind” as to said “just the usual precau- sellers may end up doing more Big Issue sellers under threat whether the two attacks were tions” should be taken by any- Bristol looking a bit from plans to ban sales spots washed out Less than a Perfect harm than good: “Selling The Big linked, but added that “there were one out at night. 200 Bristol University students Gentleman were evacuated from the pri- Harvard’s Concert Commission Which famous Cambridge An investigation has been vately owned Chantry Court has had to cancel its celebrity-poet recently spent a started into certain prac- accommodation block when November 6th billing of Wyclef night in the cells of the local tices of our very own the building’s plumbing failed Jean after selling less than half constabulary? All we can HE REPLIED Magdalene College, involv- and flooded the first three the number of tickets that they reveal is that his free-for-all GNOMICALLY: ing the forced consumption floors of the building. Some needed to break even. The parties have become leg- ‘OBSERVING“ THE of regurgitated matter. had to be housed in hotels as HCC is now considering a pol- endary amongst the under- PLANT TIME’ During an initiation cere- far away as Wales after “the icy of student consultation graduate community. This mony into exclusive all- water poured in under the before booking big acts. They aged beatnik was picked up by male drinking societies, walls” due to a crack in a water are estimated to have lost officers who were searching would-be initiates are pipe. The same thing happened $30,000 in the cancellation. for a prowler as he gazed into required to consume a huge last year as well. the Cam at 4am. When asked, choir recently found them- bilious feast, the last course Cash and Carry "What's your game, sir?", he selves up to the neck in shit of which consists of their A gang of thieves has stolen replied gnomically "Observing following” allegations that they own vomit. Member of Ramsay’s dish too an entire cash machine con- the Plant Time," to which her had propositioned a female Human Rights for Students spicy for St taining £6,000 from a city uni- Majesty's finest replied, "Well, student with the immortal group Rage!, Carla Gulag, Andrew’s versity. The thieves staged a we'll see about that down the line "I'd like to do you up the said: "We're investigating Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay night-time raid in the student station, sir." Our high mod- arse." When quizzed about the repugnant ceremony of has failed in his bid to become union building at Heriot-Watt's ernist hero was later released, their behaviour, these haute 'vom-eats' - as it is known Rector of St Andrew’s Riccarton campus and sadly without charges relating bourgeois miscreants could to these foul abusers - and University. Ramsay was beaten wheeled their haul outside on a We wash our to the corruption of verse in only reply: "We thought she we hope to make an inter- in the election by retired envi- porter's trolley. Detectives are the city. was a man"; a response which vention sometime in the ronmentalist Simon Pepper 517 investigating the possibility hands of this raised further questions relat- next academic year with a votes to 850. Ramsay’s com- that it was an inside job involv- Several members of a promi- ing to dubious practices in mind to stopping this outra- ments about women’s sup- ing either students or staff. nent Cambridge all-male England's top public schools. geous behaviour." 04.11.05 News Varsity 5 Fair game: all in the name of sport AMY HARRIS and WILLOW HEWITT on performance-enhancing supplements

It’s the build-up to the big risks to sell their products. means universities cannot The official advice of the game, the big race or the big Anabolic steroids are the guarantee a level playing field. major UK sporting bodies, match. The pressure is on and most infamous drug of choice BUSA does not have a drugs including UK Sport and the your college’s reputation is at for the pressured athlete. They testing policy for inter-univer- British Olympic Association is, stake, or the University’s, or for are used to increase muscle sity sports and there is certain- “For athletes consuming a nor- some students, that of their strength by encouraging new ly no testing taking place at a mal, varied and balanced diet, country. You’re suspicious that muscle growth. They permit college level. According to our that meets their energy a teammate has taken some- harder training for longer peri- survey 46 per cent believed requirements, there is no evi- thing to help bring victory. But ods. However they are expen- there should be drugs testing dence that vitamin and miner- who should you ask? What sive and need to be used along- within the University, indicat- al supplementation is neces- should you do? Who is respon- side a carefully-monitored ing the scale of the problem. sary to enhance health or per- sible? training program in order to be Unfortunately, because drug formance. In fact, excessive At a university where per- effective and to reduce side testing is complex and expen- ingestion of vitamins and min- formance is paramount, suc- effects. Cambridge students do sive it is unlikely to be imple- erals can be dangerous to cess can seem non-negotiable. not have access to this kind of mented by the University. health.” Varsity has discovered that 41 expertise, increasing the risks There is very little to stop Although only a few people per cent of Cambridge sports involved with their use. Cambridge athletes getting stated that they had heard of men and women questioned At a college level 10 per cent caught in vicious circle of arti- illegal drug use within the took some form of perform- of those surveyed used the University, this minority could ance-enhancing product. Many muscle-building supplement well be indicative of a larger take apparently innocent sup- Creatine. Although it is not problem. Even though the plements such as vitamins and banned in the UK, the extent of the problem may protein shakes to aid their American and French equiva- appear relatively minor the body’s capacity to train and lents of the British University “41 PERCENT OF potential consequences should compete, others gamble with Sports Association (BUSA) CAMBRIDGE’S warrant the establishment of a anabolic steroids. Despite our have banned its use in sporting SPORTSMEN better support system. findings the University - a cen- events. It has many side-effects Currently the only provision tre of sporting excellence - and it is widely available, but ADMITTED TAKING for dealing with the problem of offers no central source of Cambridge students are worry- PERFORMANCE- drug abuse within the universi- guidance on the risks of legal ingly unaware of its dangers. ENHANCING ty is the University Counselling and illegal performance aids. The pressure on students to Service. The most they can do Students are given a lot of keep up with work, whilst PRODUCTS is provide support for those information on illegal recre- playing at a high level against who are suffering emotionally ational drugs, but advice about universities with lighter work- and mentally. The University performance-enhancing sub- loads, may cause our sports needs a comprehensive and stances is scarce. There is also a men and women to turn to centralised system of advice problem of accountability. supplements such as Creatine and aid accessible to all levels According to Lesley Parker of in an attempt to keep up. of university sports. fact file the University Counselling There is a twofold need to ”ficial stimulation. There is a serious lack of service, coaches and captains at address the problem of sports Even an event as high profile education about the dangers of Vitamin A – large doses can cause headaches, nausea, diar- college or university level are drugs at a university level. and commercial as The Boat these unnecessary supple- rhoea, kidney and liver damage responsible for the well-being Firstly, drugs endanger users - Race does not have a ments. Why are students being Vitamin D - Prolonged excess can result in calcium deposits in of their own athletes. Many taking Creatine can lead to University implemented drugs allowed to damage them- soft tissue, blood vessel walls and kidneys college captains are unaware of liver and kidney failure; com- testing procedure. The univer- selves? Is it because this uni- Vitamin E - large doses can result in nausea, abdominal pain, this responsibility, one said, “I mon protein shakes, supple- sity crews are regulated, but by versity prides itself on being vomiting and diarrhoea had no idea that I was meant to ments and vitamins damage an external authority (the the best? Or is it because the Diuretics - side effects include dehydration, dizziness, cramps, be looking out for what my health if used excessively – Amateur Rowing Association), university is not aware of the heart damage and kidney failure. team were taking.” even innocent Vitamin C who deal with rowing events extent of the problem? It is Protein shakes - headaches, muscle weakness and either diar- Ignorance extends to the tablets can cause diarrhoea and in general. Being a member of naturally something which rhoea or constipation. There are also reports of kidney problems side effects of performance- nausea if taken to excess. With the ARA does not ensure regu- people are hesitant to talk being caused or inflamed by high protein diets. enhancing drugs. The internet no information provided by the lar testing, however they about, and as no university Creatine – serious side effects include damage to the kidneys is the only source of informa- University about these dangers, reserve the right to test at ran- body exists to monitor the and liver as well as diarrhoea, dizziness and hypertension tion for students, but the sites sports men and women cannot dom. The University itself does problem then it is easy to be Anabolic Steroids - side effects include Jaundice and liver selling steroids and supple- safeguard their health. not monitor the drug taking ignorant of the fact that one damage, depression, male sexual function, baldness and infertility. ments lie or understate their Secondly the use of drugs activity of any of its athletes. exists.

Zoe Pilger investigates the secret SELLOUT lives of college masters

Cambridge is a retirement home based tradition; of our need to activities is evidently a tricky task Chancellor, Prince Phillip, and for the British establishment. never really know what tradition for a Master. Lord Eatwell (full the extremely pro-active Vice- This fact seems to arouse no con- exists, or indeed why it exists. title: Lord Eatwell of Stratton St. chancellor, Alison Richard: “To troversy. Many Masters of our But it does not serve education. Margaret in the County of be the external face of the respective colleges are fresh from In fact, it falls very neatly in line Wiltshire), of Queen’s College, is College in the outside world and a life-time service in “industry”; with the current New Labour by far the most spectacular to act as Chairman of strategy what “industry” actually is trend of marrying business with example. Eatwell has so many from within.” remains unscrutinized. learning. fingers in so many different pies, To act “from within” sounds Take for example, the most In Blair’s Academy Schools, it is difficult to keep track. He is remarkably like Richard notorious fresh-out-the-box: Sir businessmen can be headmas- Chairman of the Board of Dearlove’s old post at MI6. The Richard Dearlove. Dearlove was ters. Like Cambridge Masters, Trustees for “think tank” IPPR process of appointment at Head of MI6 during the wars they require no educational (with Lord Rees of Ludlow, the Churchill is similarly Masonic. against Afghanistan and Iraq. He background: they can run a Master of Trinity College) and a Findlay explains: “Each of the six was our man in Washington school like a business. And why board member of the Securities candidates for Master visit the from 1991-3, and was instru- not? Surely the two are gov- and Futures Authority, “Britain’s college for twenty-four hours. mental in the split between erned by the same principle: to securities markets regulator”. Downing Street feeds names into

Downing Street and the provide the best service for T ANDREW In addition, Eatwell is the list, and there is an extensive Intelligence Services. This split is clients. Chairman of The British Library, consultation with Fellows. The said to have prompted his resig- This is indeed a principle well- a member of the Board of final appointment is made, for- nation, and subsequent welcom- learned at Cambridge. Since Directors of the Royal Opera merly, by the Queen.” AM ing into the Cambridge fold. He 1996 the Master of Churchill has House, with responsibility for the I asked Dr. Findlay about is now Master of Pembroke been Sir John Boyd. From 1997- Royal Ballet, and Chairman of Churchill’s policy on scrutinising College. 2000 Boyd was also the non- the global environment, a litany Secretary of the Department of the Commercial Radio the business interests of the Why? We don’t know. Clearly executive director for British of safety breaches at BNFL’s the Environment. Companies Association. Master, in view of BNFL’s track he needed somewhere to go. Nuclear Fuels plc (BNFL). Being Sellafield plutonium facility, Aside from his duties at The Master, it seems, is spread record on the environment and Dearlove’s apparent lack of any master is not evidently a full- global transports of weapons- Emmanuel, Lord Wilson is now a a little thin. When does he find human rights. Findlay was educational background whatso- time job. Though BNFL enjoys a usable plutonium and failure to non-executive director of both time to actually be a Master? Dr. aware of BNFL’s “troubles”, ever (other than his own stan- 12 per cent share in the world’s deal with a huge stockpile of Murdoch’s British Sky Alan Findlay, the Senior Tutor of though argued it was “better that dard public school-to-Cambridge nuclear power generation, it was radioactive waste.” Broadcasting Group plc, and Churchill College, estimates that they get experience and reason- greasing), is of no interest. To the recently made bankrupt. The Business as usual. Sir Boyd Xansa, which describes itself as the Sir John Boyd of Churchill able advice, rather than advice contrary, many would argue that company became famous in the may find something in common “an outsourcing and technology “divides his time fifty-fifty from zealots.” He defended the after leading MI6, under the early 1990s for reports of cancer with Lord Wilson of Dinton, the company”. In 2004, Xansa aided between Cambridge and other company’s ethics as relative: “I code name ‘C’, he is more than increases around its “nuclear Master of Emmanuel College. the NHS in cutting bureaucracy duties”. As Sir John (I was cor- don’t think BNFL are regarded in equipped to commandeer a installations”, such as Sellafield. Prior to his 2002 appointment, costs through privatisation and rected when I called him Sir the same light as British Cambridge college, with all the Greenpeace has declared a Wilson served for 36 years in the dependency on Indian “human Boyd) was not available, I asked American Tobacco, for example.” perks that entails. campaign to prosecute the man- civil service. His responsibilities resources”. Translated from cor- Dr. Findlay what the Master Dr. Findlay also pointed out to Every college carries its own agement of BNFL for “crimes included nuclear power policy porate-speak, this means using a actually does. me Sir John’s current, more mythical Master-appointment against the planet”. BNFL have and the 1982 privatisation of developing country’s labour Dr. Findlay described the role innocuous, role as Trustee of the process. This may perpetuate the been accused of “ongoing, mas- Britoil. Without irony, Wilson force because it is cheap. as a half-way house between the British Museum. Cambridge allure of rumour- sive radioactive discharges into later became the Permanent Balancing extra-curricular redundant University 6 Varsity Features 04.11.05 CLASH

OF THE BRIGHT” ‘UNS

inventions (with the correspon- the conflict, I could understand Anderson argues that it could, own minds about how and what ANDERSON ding patents, of course) to their their mindsets and find the and should give the externally to patent. “How can you realisti- name. Both have had their own source of the divergence funded creator their copyright cally run a university if you’re t was somewhat fitting that, in companies, exploiting research Anderson’s opening salvo does back. “We amend the policy to going to run it like a company? order to reach the man at the that they have carried out. And not disappoint. His first com- ensure that where the University This is what was wrong with Icentre of what he believes is both are clearly very intelligent; HOW CAN YOU plaint: the proposals have,“too acquires any rights which aren’t Alec Broer’s [the former Vice- the fight to regain the control of not only in their respective fields many grey areas” which could be capable of commercial exploita- Chancellor] vision of how the Intellectual Property belonging (security engineering and distrib- REALISTICALLY exploited by the University fur- tion, then it will automatically University should be run.” to Cambridge academics, I uted systems respectively), but in ther down the line. “There are return them to their creators”. Finally, Anderson stresses should have to make my way to terms of getting to grips with the RUN A those of us who have had expe- He also criticises the opacity of how important a University’s the heart of the Computer complexity of the issues sur- rience with IP and we’d very the text with respect to how this IPR policy is for both the recruit- Laboratory’s William Gates rounding intellectual property, UNIVERSITY much like it if these things were sort of short-cut is almost hid- ment and retention of top quali-

Building. and how it should influence the made crystal clear. The problem den. “It’s designed to appease ty staff. “[The University] would When Bill, as he prefers to be running of the University and IF YOU’RE with the current policy is that people who don’t understand be a lot less attractive to people known, was working on an IBM the lives of those who are part of they’re not”. the details of this and don’t read who are entrepreneurial, and it contract with his little-known it. GOING TO One of the key problems he it with the care that’s needed”. would provide less for the stu- company Micro-Soft, he bought So what is it about the amend- cites is that of copyright owner- The idea of a single University dents. If the Council gets the rights to a bit of software that ments to the University’s IP poli- ship. Under Clause 7 of the pro- arbiter for IPR does not meet through this IP policy there will RUN“ IT LIKE controlled all of the bits of a cy (see box below) that could so posals, the creator owns the with much approval. Within a be a chilling effect,” which given computer (the ‘operating polarise two seemingly similar A COMPANY? copyright on all work they pro- University, people can work on would, of course, be bad for all system’) that no-one thought people? The proposals and the duce – including plays, music competing ideas. The question concerned. particularly important at the amendments to them are based and software - giving them com- arises– who decides who wins? But despite the unenviable time. The rest is, of course, histo- on vastly differing philosophies plete control over their work, “This is a generic problem if task before him and the other ry. on how IPR is handled at the barring external agreements. The you’ve got basically one channel members of the Campaign for In Varsity’s Power 100, University. Leslie believes that problem is, most external agree- for exploitation of intellectual Cambridge Freedoms, he Anderson was described as the University should control ments assign copyright control to property. As long as you’ve got remains positive: “If we win this “looking like a Viking,” and aptly and distribute the intellectual the institution where the work is people who are acting as individ- round, then we’ll be in a good -I barely had time to find a space property of its staff, Anderson in carried out - i.e. the University - uals you can cope with these position to fight the next attempt for the Dictaphone among the intellectual autonomy for the and Clause 28 of Leslie’s propos- kinds of conflicts. It’s when you on our intellectual property. But debris piled on the table and academic and the student. als do nothing about this, stating try centralising everything that if we lose… well, it won’t be switch on before the onslaught The problem is that the sense that the University cannot over- the wheels start coming off.” good. Down the years, began. Anderson is a man on a of the new proposals, and rule any agreements with exter- The amendments hand back Cambridge always took the view mission; a soldier in what he sees Anderson’s amendments to nal funding bodies. the initial right to apply through- that academics and students as a “war of attrition” against them, is hard to extract from the “The RG22 Clause (the stan- out the world for a patent on an must own the copyright to what “centralisers”. legal speak in which they are dard agreement used by most invention back to the inventor they produce - that is an essen- What struck me when inter- written. But this is legislation external funding bodies) says from the start – thus removing tial guard of academic freedom. viewing both Ross Anderson and that will affect everyone falling that all intellectual property any power the University would But the only way we’ll get back Ian Leslie is that they have a sur- under the jurisdiction of the belongs to the University unless have had to arbitrate. This, to where we started [i.e. pre prising amount in common. University. Understanding the stated otherwise,” states according to Anderson, gives 2001] is when we’ve worn them Both are professors at the arguments of Leslie and Anderson. “This policy, as it’s back power to the people that out.” Computer Lab, one of the Anderson, even if you can’t vote been put forward by the Council, make Cambridge what it is – a Anderson sees a long protract- world’s leading institutions in on them, is vital. I hoped that by doesn’t ‘state otherwise’ in the “Community of Scholars” who ed battle ahead. “It’s going to be that field. Both have numerous talking to both protagonists in necessary terms”. should be able to make up their a war of attrition.”

UNDER PROPOSED POLICY BRIEFING: A SHORT HISTORY OF IP AT CAMBRIDGE - Academics to own all copyright materials, unless externally funded, in which case terms specified in agreement 1920s: 2001: October-November 2005: - University owns IP on everything potentially reg- Issue of Intellectual Property ownership first Under Vice-Chancellor Alec Broers (former The Situation Now istered automatically -can assign rights to inven- rears its head. Oxbridge parts ways; head of IBM), and the Director of the newly-cre- According to University regulations, any tors, the department and the university accord- Cambridge’s lawyers - worried about the ated Research Services Division David Secher amendments to the proposals in the Grace had ingly responsibility of owning the patents of inven- (recently resigned from this role,) a new policy to have been received before the October 14, - University acts as arbiter (should disputes arise), tions that could go wrong, wash their hands of is brought into force whereby the default posi- with 25 signatures of members of Regent has final say on all matters before the courts are the matter - all patents stay with inventors. tion on externally-funded research is that the House. 84 academics sign the amendments involved Oxford set up company to own patents of inven- University owns everything associated with it proposed by Ross Anderson et al, and so it is - Students to assign rights to University in case of tions created within the University. intellectually, except for things channelled announced on October 24 that a ballot is to be joint creation and/or interfering or competing IIP. through the “normal academic forms of publi- held with the following options: They may take case to a tribunal. 1987: cation”. In response to a letter from the Science and - Pass the Research Policy Committee Working UNDER AMENDMENTS Engineering Research Council, Cambridge state 2002 - July 2005: Group’s proposed policy governing Intellectual - Removal of University control of things poten- they do not propose to make any change to the Objections to the 2001 amendments are raised, Property Rights; tially registered – creators to control from outset policy that it should not hold patents. The princi- leading to the formation of a Research Policy - Ownership of copyright material from externally ple is to provide an “incentive to the individual Committee Working Group, chaired by - Reject the proposed policy; funded work is returned from the University (the inventor”, with a provision for a share for the Professor Bill Cornish. After a number of dis- Pass the amended version of the proposed pol- default owner, according to a general clause in University if help is given to exploit the cussions and consultations, the Third Joint icy; most funding bodies agreements known as invention.This policy is taken to be a major factor Report of the Council and the General Board is RG22) to the creator in the occurrence of the “Cambridge presented before the Council and a Grace - Pass any other alternative proposed by the - Students treated equally as staff – importantly in Phenomenon” - the large number of high-tech (motion presented before Regent House) sub- Council. matters of joint creation and interdependence start-up companies (such as ARM, Cambridge mitted to make the contents of this report - No obligation to inform the University of any cre- Display Technologies, etc.) emerging in the 1980s University Policy. ation where IPR may be an issue. and 90s. 04.11.05 Features Varsity 7 TOM WINDLEY

ROSS ANDERSONTHINKS THE UNIVERSITY IS TRYING TO STEAL INELLECTUAL PROPERTY. IAN LESLIE CLAIMS CAMBRIDGE IS JUST PROTECTING ACADEMICS’ AND STUDENTS’ RIGHTS. TOM WHYNTIE HEARS” BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY

slightly fewer bean bags dotted tion of arbitration by the idea gets out and is exploited; operating in an environment LESLIE around the place, but it was University in matters of a joint the secondary concern would be where there are no rules who nice to know that the concept claim on IPR – something that whether it made money. It see rules as something that will eeting Pro Vice of the ‘combination room’ was requires the initial right to comes back to the question of inhibit them - something I find Chancellor Ian Leslie, the same at the top of the uni- apply to belong to the what the University is here for, difficult to understand. The Man architect of the pro- versity’s hierarchy. He told me University. This, to Leslie, is IT COMES and it’s about creating knowl- clearer one can be, the more posals before the Council and that we had half an hour, so essential, as it means a member edge, disseminating knowledge confident funders, venture staunch opponent of the CCF after confirming the history of of staff cannot patent some- BACK TO THE and where appropriate that capitalists, or licensees are amendments, could not have Cambridge’s IP policy (see box, thing without the University dissemination should be via going to be when we say been a more different experi- below left) it was straight to making sure everyone QUESTION OF commercialisation, and where believe that you own this, as ence. Arriving at Regent the heart of the issues. involved being included on the it’s not. The overriding concern opposed to having no rules House, I realised I didn’t know Leslie believes that these patent. WHAT THE would be: is this technology where - who knows?” And I how to get into the building. new proposals “provide unifor- “That’s the entire reason for going to be used, or is it going think the third one is that peo-

It’s the sort of situation that mity” for everyone concerned the whole process. If you UNIVERSITY IS to fall by the wayside? If we ple think that it’s financial, and demonstrates how little you in the research process. “We’re accept that looking after the don’t have a view of what’s about control. But we’ve gone

know about the institution simply recognising the status rights of students is important, HERE FOR - going on, we have no way of out of our way to hand control where you study, and what is quo – students are funded by and want to have the acting.” over to creators once we happening behind the many sponsors who place constraints University involved in looking CREATING The conversation returns to understand who they are. The closed doors. After finding the [on them]”. after people, then you need “ the proposed amendments. return that the University is visitor’s entrance on Trinity The old policy applied only full disclosure, and an element KNOWLEDGE “Suppose you’re a student - seeking is pretty modest by Lane, I was greeted by the man to externally funded research; of ownership to be able to you’ve jointly created some- every other institution – it’s a who would hopefully explain it the new one apparently levels rule.” thing with your supervisor, compromise, and I think it’s all to me. the playing field by specifying But what about the prob- and you find out two years pretty fair and balanced.” Professor Leslie founded two the IPR considerations regard- lems inherent to this sort of later that your supervisor has Leslie ends by emphasising high-tech start-ups on the basis less of where financing comes centralisation? The arbitration patented something. What can how important he feels the tri- of his research at the from, claims rejected by process assumes that the the University do? There was bunal aspect to the running of University, the first of which Anderson. University is completely inde- no third-party agreement, so the University, which agrees was sold on to a larger corpora- “[CCF’s amendments] say pendent of the outcome of any you’ve got joint ownership -it’s with what he has been saying tion for a tidy sum. So, as Pro only third party constraints can decision. But what if the rights up to you to take it to court. I about a centralised University Vice Chancellor for Research, be binding,” says Leslie. “If this to grant a patent for a technol- don’t think that’s a responsible protecting its, and the stu- who better to lead the becomes so, two people work- ogy that would compete with institution that does that.” dents’, interests. “We don’t University’s policy on research, ing on the same project will something the University had But why would anyone want to see people ripped off management of contracts and have completely different con- previously invested in? oppose proposals that would by other people - in a general interaction with both industrial straints depending on their “The immediate response is: seem to help students and staff sense, it’s very bad if as an and government sponsors? funding. Any project with third why wouldn’t you license the alike in matters of IPR dis- organisation if the only way And who better, indeed, to sit party constraints will have to improvement to the people putes? Leslie has his opinions. we can do anything about on the Working Group respon- officially acknowledge them. who are already in the busi- “One is that they don’t see the intellectual property in the sible for formulating the The ability to move in and out ness, and probably make a lot University as competent to institution is to say ‘go and sort University’s IPR policy? of a project informally - which more money that way?” Alarm look after intellectual property, it out in the courts’. If we can’t He led me to the University we feel is extremely important bells ring, but die away as he and so it becomes a vote not understand what’s going on, I Combination Room. The car- - just can’t happen without continues, “The onus of the about policy but a vote of con- can’t see how we can look after pets may have been a bit nicer, unnecessary bureaucracy”. University is not to make fidence. Secondly, there are people.” and there may have been We then move to the ques- money; it is to ensure that the people who are quite good at Varsity asks: Who do you want to own your IP? Academics Students Would you trust the university to Should the university be entitled Would you trust the university Should students and academics look after your intellectual proper- to a share of the profits from with your intellectual property? have rights over work if they are ty inventions by its academics? funded by the university or rights? I haven't really thought about it. I don't feel like I'm research grants? Only a bit, say 10-30 percent depending upon whether doing a creative or experimental enough subject to be Yes. I think I have a pretty good deal … The lawyers lab facilities were supplied or whether it was desk- worried. I'd be more concerned if I was studying some- No enough. I feel sorry for academics and that's why here hammer out a pretty good deal for us on balance. based If academics didn’t make any money from any- thing like science or architecture. I've left. They're not given enough ownership and need Dr Sandra Leaton Gray Centre for Applied thing they invent while working at the university … Graduate, Downing better royalties and more from discoveries. They should Research in Education Technologies half of us wouldn't work here. get a substantial amount - it's an incentive to drive sci- Dr Sandra Leaton I signed a contract with the company and one with the entists. A lot of good scientists have left for better I think it's better if the person who makes it is free to university. Any monies made go to the university and rewards - more money - in other jobs. The institution decide how it is looked after and assigned. Academics I think that whoever gave support deserves a then I have a cut of the University’s rights – they’ve should get some, but I would encourage better royalties should make money from what they invent. Many share…Many of us academics have been supported taken over the rights on my behalf… that’s the stan- for inventors. brilliant people enjoy not only research and teaching from the cradle by the taxpayer. I think that even dard way of arranging things. I don’t think it will Mamnun Khan, 3rd Year PhD, but also entrepreneurship. If we don't allow them to more than the University, the taxpayer is entitled to matter as the project is so far from getting any money Genetics/Immunology. pursue this, we risk losing their contributions have my inventions for free! For that reason I like to …I just want my PhD. Dr David J.C. MacKay, Cavendish Laboratories. release everything I do in my research as free software. Helen Chappell, PhD Material Scientist. Dr David J.C. MacKay 8 Varsity Features 04.11.05 JUSTICE IS HARD KINGSLEY TOM Articles about Wikipedia seem to be popping up in the press all the time at the moment so I thought I’d have a look. I was shocked to find there was a button TO RESIST on every page imploring me to “Edit this page”; have I been singled out from the masses because of my supreme general knowledge and dazzling prose? I’m afraid you’re not really special at all. The whole point of the Wikipedia project and wikis in general is that anyone can edit them. In the case of Wikipedia an encyclopaedia has been created with nearly 800,000 articles in just over 4 A high-profile environmental campaigner, Guardian columnist and years.

But what is there to stop me political activist - and he refuses to turn on his radiator. NATALIE deciding to run amok amongst the entries venting WHITTY meets GEORGE MONBIOT and gets the shivers my spleen about whatever takes my fancy? lmost as soon as I sit conditions which make human in West Papua he says “we he looks aghast that I should Very little. Wikipedia does down in George life possible is through regula- quickly came to relate to the dare. For the first time the have ways to stop persistent AMonbiot’s living room, I tion, and that means con- lives of the people we were room feels a little more temper- abusers of its system but they wish I’d worn more clothes. He fronting them.” The Tory lead- covering because we were also ate. “Justice is achievable, are rarely invoked. The main is wearing a thick knitted ership contest only deserves a being hunted.” Hmmm. absolutely achievable. In fact, protective mechanism is the jumper with a shirt under- dismissive “it’s all bullshit, it’s Articulating why it’s entirely it’s very hard to resist.” vigilance of other Wikipedia neath, while I am in a sum- all complete bullshit”. excusable coming from him is Monbiot is an odd mix. On users, if they find a page that mery T-shirt selected, rather What makes him thoroughly tricky, but I think it’s because most things, he is uncompromis- optimistically, at half past six likeable is embodied by his “ his sporadic lack of humility in ing on what he thinks and what has been badly modified they can recommend for the page this morning. You can’t ask an overuse of the word “bullshit”. I WOULD no way equates to arrogance. he believes should be done. He to be reverted back the environmentalist to turn the Just at the moment I decide his LOVE TO He appears too troubled to be wants to be ruthless. But he’s also original or even deleted in the heating up in mid October, intensity is getting too much arrogant. The issues he grapples a very nice man and much of case of a new page. though he might approve of and that his tortured grimace is with every day are not certain what he wants is going to upset how rarely I do my washing. making me feel quite sick with GET HOLD enough to inspire much cer- people, at least in the short term. Surely that can’t be an Finding out whether one myself for asking the questions, OF DICK tainty in one’s self. This truly bothers him. efficient way to run an might provide a justification for he’ll offer a refreshing respite. “Everything that we thought was encyclopaedia? doing the other isn’t an ethical He has a very specific type of CHENEY ut when Monbiot is cer- good turns out to be bad, or turns You’d be surprised. A study dilemma I’d like to trouble him humour – he doesn’t tell jokes, tain, he snaps. He loses out also to be bad.” by IBM found that on average with in any case. The activist or cite amusing anecdotes, but AND ASK Bhis amiable, measured Most endearing is that he’s acts of vandalism by users of has enough to ponder, current- has a kind of ‘faux ironic’ way manner, and turns from friend- not immune to indulgent ten- Wikipedia were corrected ly writing a new book on why of dealing with issues he plainly HIM WHAT ly P.S.E. teacher to terrifying dencies himself – “sometimes I within 5 minutes. Sadly this and how to halt climate feels passionate about. “I do headmaster. ‘Live 8’ gets special envy people who are better at doesn’t tell the whole story. change, as well as continuing fantasise from time to time THE HELL attention. “Geldof created a enjoying things as they are Whilst the IBM study could his weekly column in the about having a confrontation - fantastic opportunity and that’s than I am.” And when I ask take account of attempts to Guardian. I would love to get hold of Dick HE THINKS commendable. He then pro- him about vegetarianism, the delete pages and alter very Monbiot has a continually Cheney and just have a hour ceeded to squander it and he worry crease between his brows large chunks of articles it confounded expression, as with him to ask him some real- HE’S DOING squandered it utterly,” he deepens and he looks sheepish. couldn’t track how long it took though forever absorbed in ly hard questions about what fumes. “He was afraid of upset- “I really do try…what happens to find smaller acts of making a difficult decision. If the hell he thinks he’s doing.” ting his new political friends is I eat meat about once a vandalism like adding he works past six o’ clock at The result is a tone of voice and and he was intellectually ill month…” Does he enjoy it? extraneous lines to articles. night he can’t sleep, “I just get choice of words totally incon- equipped to deal with the kind “Oh god. I really enjoy it.” so wired, all the issues start gruous with the mania behind of complex issues he was Monbiot is human despite his So maybe this online churning round in my head.” his eyes. I think I laugh more throwing up.” For almost the finely tuned moral conscience encyclopaedia idea isn’t all He has a habit of asking himself out of relief than amusement, ” first time in the interview, and almost fanatical sense of it’s cracked up to be? (and me?) questions mid sen- but all the same, it is genuine. Monbiot isn’t trying to weigh responsibility for curing the I’m afraid you might be right. tence: “What’s the alterna- Halfway through the inter- one point of view against world’s ills. When I leave, I An even bigger problem than tive?”; “how on earth do we view, a friend rings the doorbell another; there is no bewilder- can’t help but feel quite warmly vandalism is the sheer poor reconcile this stuff?” When he and he apologetically leaps up ing trade off mincing his mind. towards him. Metaphorically quality of many of the articles. can answer them, I want to to answer it. I gratefully take He just knows. “Charity is never speaking of course. I don’t thaw Most press reporting about chuck him a soapbox - his the opportunity to blow on my a substitute for justice.” I gin- out until I’m on the train with Wikipedia has focused on the articulate, vigorous oratory hands and experiment with gerly ask whether justice is pos- a hot chocolate, using my bag ideal of the “collective seems wasted on just me. wiggling my toes. Listening in sible in the current context and as a scarf. intelligence” of web users Sometimes, however, the to his pleasant, interested tones being harnessed to create a answers falter. We discuss his I’m struck by Monbiot’s massive repository of valuable recent trip to Nairobi, to be at teacher-like quality. “Oh yes, GEORGE MONBIOT ON... information. In reality one of his sister’s wedding. He feels yes, I’d love to see that,” I hear the founders of Wikipedia has guilty: a long haul flight uses a him say.I wonder what it is. recently admitted that the lot of energy and releases a lot Monbiot is so accommodating The BBC: "An incredibly timid and conservative organisation" quality of that “collective of gases, and hardly corre- in conversation that it’s impos- intelligence” is in many cases sponds to his stance on climate sible to tell if it’s his neighbour’s Greg Dyke: "Only a hero in retrospect, when he was there he not worth preserving. change. I make it worse when I new fishpond or a written was a man who understood the commercial imperative but not point out that his air travel isn’t promise from George Bush to the public service one" Are they making any restricted to family celebrations: sign Kyoto. attempt to correct this doesn’t he spend rather a lot As a result of this engaging Politicians: "The great majority of what is discussed in parlia- trend? I’ve heard rumours time travelling to promote his manner, I’m already significant- ment is at the lowest end of triviality" that student journalists books? His face contorts. “It’s ly more knowledgeable about couldn’t live without something I constantly struggle the restructuring of the BBC in Political journalists: "Really ought to be gossip columnists, it's Wikipedia. with. I believe I’m doing some- the 1980s, the certainty of all complete bullshit" There have been proposals thing important by raising planetary ‘positive feedback’ if from people outside of the awareness of issues which have we don’t cut carbon emissions His status as one of the 25 most influential people in Wikipedia community to form been woefully neglected and by 90 per cent by 2030 and the Britain: “Media bullshit” groups of people with that if I can push them onto 1649 landholding disputes expertise in an area to make a the political agenda, then the between Gerrard Winstanley Bob Geldof and Live 8: "His campaign did far more harm than custodial committee for parts payoff justifies the flight. But and General Fairfax than I was it did good" of the site. But this goes then it might all be self decep- when I arrived. Monbiot does- against many of the founding tion.” He chuckles at this, but n’t simply serve you with his His Zoology degree: “Very very exciting and very stimulating principles of the Wikipedia it’s clear that he’s suspicious of opinion: he wants you to except for the bits where you have to get down on your knees community and has been his own motivation and frus- understand the historical con- and count microscopic things per square metre." given short shrift by the trated by his inability to find an text of his point and he tells controlling foundation. At the adequate answer. you precisely and earnestly, Fox hunting: "There are many much more effective ways of moment the project is in a When he does have an with encouraging nods when- attacking the ruling class which have been distracted from by transitional phase that will answer however, he is deter- ever you interject. pursuing the ban – I still think it's a stupid and revolting activity either make or break its mined in his presentation of That’s not to imply that but that doesn't equate to wanting to ban it." reputation as an authoritative, its merits and his condemna- Monbiot is patronising – quite reliable and valuable source of tion of the alternative. He the contrary. He is very sincere Iraq: "It could now be on an inexorable path to civil war. It's a information. reserves his most articulate even though some of the things complete disaster" responses for the issues he he says will come over in tran- regards to be of importance. script later as horrendously, Allotments: "Don’t diss the idea of allotments!" Corporatism is therefore sub- outrageously pompous. www.wikipedia.com ject to an emotional, rousing Speaking of his undercover Oxbridge: "I hated it, this sense of self-described ruling elite Doug attack: “the only way in which investigation into the systemat- believing they have a God-given right to inherit the Earth. As McMahon you are going to prevent these ic destruction of the culture institutions, Oxford and Cambridge stink” people from destroying the and land of indigenous peoples 04.11.05 Features Varsity 9

Mirror, Mirror 06. Picture Perfect Looking beautiful in photo- Unless you’ve got a profile to graphs should not be left to die for, looking directly into chance. It’s not down to luck the eye of the camera is bold, or turning your head at the seductive and makes your right moment. The face book eyes look enormous. Almost shows that it's not about how every shot of Naomi fit you are in real life, it's all Campbell, whatever the about how good your picture mood, shows her staring is. What Ms. Moss realised directly into the lens with her early on is that it’s all about wide dark eyes. tactics. Tip Four: It’s all about posi- Tip One: Gaze up at the cam- tioning; you can’t hide broad era. The perfect photograph is shoulders under make-up. But like a date – its success stems this isn’t real life, it’s a photo. from attention to detail, flaw- You can hide anything. Stand less make-up being key. This at a slight angle to the cam- means liquid eyes with plenty era, so that your hips and of mascara, highlighted by shoulders are narrowed. In fluid eyeliner along the lower one move you’ve slimmed lid and framed by glossy, dark down your entire eyelashes will make you irre- frame. Place one sistible. No one can help foot in front of the being drawn in by helplessly other, with your huge innocent eyes, and you weight on your want everyone looking at your back leg. Your photo to be unable to tear legs will melt into their gaze away. a slim silhouette. Fashion illustra- Tip Two: Make like a model tion and photog- and pout. Flashing a huge raphy always toothy grin looks cute, a stick- employ this device ing-out tongue is adorable, for that streamline but when you’re going for full- shape. on temptress, the pout makes your lips look plump, enticing Tip Five: Get real. Just and just waiting to be kissed. because you look good in a photo doesn’t mean you’re Tip Three: Always get your- effortlessly attractive. These self in the middle of any group tips may make you look great (this does not just apply to in your coffee table photo photographs, by the way: it’s album, but remember that in standard social etiquette). real life it’s all about confi- Apart from making you look dence, grooming and self- like you’ve got friends, being respect. in the centre means that you’ll have a flattering face-on view. Fiona Walker Doyle IHE DERRINGER MICHAEL at the bar

The Classic Mojito I The History I Ingredients Picture yourself in Cuba 2 parts light rum during the summer of '43. 1 part soda water 116 degrees by noon. 95% 1 small lime cut into wedges humidity. Sugar cane 1-2 tbs Demerara sugar plantations dot the horizon. Mint sprigs Now let's cut to the mambo- Crushed Ice dancing, cocktail-sipping halcyon days of Havana, to fan-cooled casinos, to the I You will need sweet bygone era of mafia- Cocktail shaker supported elegance. That's Pestle/Muddler where you will find the Tall glass Mojito at home.

I Method 1. Pestle the mint leaves, Demerara sugar and lime in a mixing glass.

2. In a cocktail shaker add the rum and ice to the mixture and shake.

3. Pour into a tall glass and top with soda water. Stir lightly.

STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY LUCY MINYO AND AISHA SPEIRS 4. Garnish with a fresh mint sprig. Sasha Nicholl Nico wears zip up by Supremebeing at Unify, 72 King St Tom wears trousers by G-Star, shirt by Stussy, jacket by Adidas all at Dogfish mixed by The Snug, 67 Lesfield Road 10 Varsity Features 04.11.05 WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA ? NISCHA PIERIS asks whether the no-job rule stifles undergraduate talent oney is at the heart of tion to do our laundry, let alone What about rowing or acting - here to learn, but more impor- the student life, even if set up our own company. those take up so much time.” tantly to network. Those in Mwe don’t like to admit One Cambridge undergrad, Phoebe has a talent, like actors Cambridge are different…you it. And one of the drawbacks to or sportspeople, that is unex- can socialise with a group of living in Cambridge is that it is ploited, “I’m learning how to people who will become busi-

ADAM WELCH frowned upon to have a job. run a business and how to fit it ness leaders, political leaders…I According to CU Entrepreneurs in with my other work, so why mean, I’m not one of those Kaifeng Kang and Allyson Ke, “STUDENTS is the university not bolstering people who will walk into a “Entrepreneurship is a lifestyle, SHOULD THINK OF or supporting this?” She is all room and scout out a worth- not a career.” There is a great too aware of the situation in while contact… but people who difference between setting up STARTING THEIR the university, “underground think that studying is the your own internet based com- OWN BUSINESS IF business is developing…we are Cambridge Experience are mis- pany and becoming a Nero’s THEY’VE GOT AN being classed as criminals. Its guided”. barista, but why does this rule IDEA - EUREKA oppression!” It all boils down to one burn- exist in a community where MOMENTS DON’T This is perhaps a little strong, ing question…what are we “what do you do?” refers far but in a way, true. We need to doing here? Surely the answer more often to plays directed, HAPPEN ALL be allowed to develop as many is getting a degree. But should- teams played for, books pub- THE TIME skills as possible here, or we n’t we also be preparing lished, hell, even number of will inevitably suffer in the real ourselves for the ‘real world’- articles written for Varsity, than world. Part of the attraction of something that jobs and entre- it does to one’s academic Cambridge is tradition, but we preneurship are offering a path career? ”however, has managed to set cannot lose sight of what goes towards? It must be in touch Dr. Asim Mumtaz developed up a one-woman business as a on outside. with the wider world and pro- the ‘Next Generation Power masseuse. For Phoebe (not her This is a view definitely not vide alternative experiences to Conditioning Unit’. He is real name,) this is certainly not shared by James Gold, who those wishing to take their relaxed and assured about the a one-off, though it is impossi- went into the world of ideas further. project that started during his ble to say how many other Construction Law, at the age of We are surrounded by bril- PhD. “Cambridge is a great students do similar things. I 17, “for fun”. “I applied to liant minds and already place for starting your own was surprised at how angry she Peterhouse on the basis that it thriving projects. Shouldn’t we company, there are so many felt: was one of the most antiquated be striving on these precedents people here who’ve created “I think a lot of the limita- colleges, and I absolutely love instead of confining them to successful companies… I advise tions put on students here are it: I wouldn’t have it any other their departments and labs? students to think of starting patronising. There are argu- way”, he says. On the legality Cambridge ought to take a their own business as a poten- ments for not working on of it, he asserts “We’re based in step forward and encourage tial career option if they’ve got college grounds. I can see there London, and it’s not run from individuals - especially under- an idea. Eureka moments don’t being legal issues, but I am college. If they want to get graduates - to develop. happen all the time.” internationally qualified - I can technical about things, then Cambridge’s position as the so- For Mumtaz, entrepreneur- get insurance if required. They there are loopholes.” He is cer- called ‘Silicon Fen’ must be ship at Cambridge has worked. could provide so much support. tainly very aware of how this taken advantage of. This should His company is flourishing (he I’m sure there are people will help him in the future: be an opportunity to open the is now worth £500,000), and around who could help me “After leaving University you world of entrepreneurship to he obtained his doctorate last with this.” could go in at the bottom of the everyone here, rather than just year; a tribute to his motiva- Her business forced under- ladder - I like the idea of step- people who have a strong tion. ground, everything is made ping in at the top.” It is clear financial backing. The picture is different for much harder, “I agree that we that a great benefit for Gold is Entrepreneurship is a skill, undergraduates. Few of us have are at University to do a degree the social milieu that Cambridge and that must be recognised by James Gold, student property entrepeneur. the time, energy and organisa- but I’m not working 24/7! provides. “Undergraduates are the university and its colleges. Fit for a king? Full of beans No.1 King’s Parade - Review by Anthony Marlowe and Claudia Wilmot-Smith ll restaurants have a concept. restaurant was often empty, a husk has a fantastic gravy. There’s a good Some are subtle, a harmo- of its previous glory, where the great choice of puddings, including a satis- Anious blend of all the and the the good convened for fyingly sticky banoffee pie. The wine ingredients that constitute a well cocaine-den based debauchery. list is comprehensive, especially made restaurant. Others put their When we ate, however, all the tables appealing if you’re a Francophile, ext time you’re brewing a enhanced by their being roast- eaten then defecated by Palm concept on steroids and pump it up were taken, their occupants happy, if with a silky and elegant Pinot Noir. pot of coffee in anticipa- ed. The higher the roast, the Civets. If you should come into a full blown theme. Apparently narcotic free, a credit to its newly In many ways No.1 King’s Parade Ntion of a sleepless night more intense the flavour. Further across it though and are feeling there’s a medieval themed restau- appointed manager. gives the impression of having lost running up to an essay deadline, differences are found in the generous, let me know and I’ll rant in one of America’s most There is also a mild case of concept sight of what its trying to do, a result stop for a moment and consider grinding of the coffee. If you be round for a cup! stereotypically southern theme- confusion in No.1 King’s Parade. no doubt of it having to cater for a the history of this oh-so-useful wish to make espresso, finely Whilst your choice of bean parks, Dollywood. You can watch The restaurant is medieval themed, huge cross section of the public. It is beverage. The story goes that ground coffee is best, whereas might be key to your drink, faux jousting matches between faux yet has a huge tropical fish tank in it, a serious restaurant, serving serious we owe the discovery of coffee for a Cafetiere, a coarser grind, making the is more of an art than knights in a faux jousting arena, the cafe area has a huge neon sign food, yet it has a medieval theme to an observant shepherd which will not clog the mesh, is many people realise. Do it wrong whilst consuming the finest fried saying ‘Bar’. These elements look with tendencies towards naffness. named Kaldi who noticed that desirable. and you’ll extract bitter, burnt food. The idea seems too awful to be The cafe, though, is its biggest prob- his sheep became hyperactive Whilst travelling worldwide tasting compounds from the true, but then this is one of the lem, it just doesn’t work in after eating the red fruits of a may be an option for Coffee beans whereas if made properly murkiest areas of the American conjunction with an à la carte certain plant. He tried them and blenders, closer to home, we there should be a harmonious South. In the sort of place where restaurant and it isn’t popular. But, discovered the stimulant prop- still have a good choice. I can blend of delicately flavoured marrying your sister isn’t thought to “THE LOOS ARE its going. Plans are being put in place erties we all admire. Indeed strongly recommend the Coffee coffee oils. So what’s the secret? be too bad an idea, and where if the SIGNED ‘KNIGHTS’ to have a waiter service bar to Coffee was nearly banned fol- stall on the Market which has a Water for coffee, unlike tea booze makes you blind its ready for replace it, and gone will be the dubi- lowing its rise in popularity in large range and will blend and should be freshly boiled but not sale, it is entirely possible that an AND ‘DAMSELS’. ous foliage, neon sign and goldfish the 1700’s due to fears that the grind to your specification. actually boiling. Add a drop to English themed jousting restaurant DON’T BE PUT OFF bowl effect. No.1 King’s parade is a masses, wide awake rather than Should you prefer to opt for the pot to warm it then pour this may well both exist and prosper. great place to eat. Soon though, it drowsy with beer, might foment ‘Fairtrade’ coffee, Sainsbury’s away. Add one lightly heaped No. 1 King’s Parade suffers under BY THIS. promises to be even better. rebellion. Whether or not the carry a good range and if you dessert spoonful of fresh coffee its concept. It’s not that it should be stories these stories are true, need a cup on the way back, into the pot then add the water. compared with the Dollywood we can be certain that coffee Costa Coffee also sell it. At this stage, start stirring! This place, just that themed restaurants, In a nutshell was first cultivated in Ethiopia Whittard’s on Petty Cury sell a will get the water moving however ‘fun’ the theme, tend to be ”out of place and should be changed. and Yemen about 1000 years range of beans for every palate amongst the grouts and will get awful, and on first glance it looks However, such decor difficulties are Where: Opposite King’s. ago. and pocket. You can either pop out the oils. You’ll notice that as like one. Going downstairs to the appeased by the efficient and pleas- When: Restaurant stops serv- Coffee is now grown through- in to the shop, or if you’re feel- you stir, a creamy brown layer, restaurant, you get an uneasy ant staff and there’s a general ing at 10pm. out the world, notably in Costa ing adventurous or lazy, their much like you get on espresso, impression: pictures of heroic atmosphere of relaxed conviviality, Prices: £5 - £17. Rica, Kenya and Java. For com- website does mail order. This will develop. Once you’ve been knights, coats of arms, mock candles, especially on Thursday’s live jazz Food Highlights: Sausage and mercial purposes, Arabica and includes Jamaica Blue stirring for a minute or so, pop in even the loos are signed ‘Knights’ nights. There is also a good selection mash, banoffee pie. Robusta are the most important Mountain which is prized for its the plunger and leave to stand and ‘Damsels’. Don’t be put off by of well priced, unpretentious and Wine: Easy - drinking Shiraz. varieties grown in these areas. delicate and unique flavour. for a couple of minutes before this. Despite the emphasis on its his- tasty food. The chicken liver pate is Features: Pre-Theatre Menu, live Arabica coffee is more delicate Unfortunately none of the pushing it down. Ok, it might toric setting, this restaurant is not just generously portioned and rich rather jazz on Thursdays, party rooms. than Robusta and is used to places we explored stocked the take some effort, especially another themed tourist trap. The than heavy. The bruschetta is simi- give acidity and body, whereas famed Indonesian Kopi Luwak compared to Nescafe, but trust previous manager is resposible for larly good. The main courses are Ratings the latter brings body and a (the world’s most expensive me, once you’ve had coffee the dubious decoration and it does at more expensive than a student Food 7/10 ‘punch’ to a blend. The charac- coffee), which comes from made like this, you’ll never look least emphasise the uniqueness of would like but they’re a decent size Value 7/10 ter of the beans is further Coffee beans that have been back.. dining in a six hundred year old and expertly crafted. The rack of Atmosphere 8/10 with the live wine cellar. lamb is good, if just slightly over jazz Lionel Nierop As recently as a year ago the cooked and the sausage and mash 04.11.05 Comment Varsity 11

VIEW FROM Getting Stuck in the Fourth Estate OXFORD CHERWELL EDITOR The dangers of wanting to know more Luke Alexander

There is no good reason why you should know anything Tom Williams about student journalism in Oxford. For it seems that stu- dent journalism thrives on an ight, we’re pened to me, and a sur- exaggerated sense of urgency going now,” vey of fellow students (I and importance, which drops “R sounds the cry. use “survey” in the loos- away swiftly and embarrassing- “Yeah, just a…just a est possible sense)sug- ly as one leaves the university sec…” I mumble in gests it’s happened to itself. response, my wide eyes others as well. I suppose But it is fitting that I’m writing fixed on the flickering that what sufferers share this, rather bleary-eyed, at the screen. Scroll down, is the belief that if we end of a 30-odd hour shift in a check the reader com- read enough, assimilate tiny cluttered office working ments, look across, links sufficient knowledge, we on Oxford’s analogue to to related articles, peruse will experience some Varsity, Cherwell. The fact is and…slam. The door is kind of rebirth. In their that in all universities, journal- shut. Or at least, I heard new, heightened state of ism inspires a freakish tenacity it being shut; I don’t existence we will educate and fervour which fringes on actually look to check our companions, answer insanity. There are very few until I finish the article. I obscure quiz questions, other spheres of student activi- then realise they have and appease our crip- ty in which people will volun- left. I frown, and take pling insecurities. tarily imprison themselves for smug solace in the fact Now, however, I have days on end. that at least I’m up on learnt my lesson and I There’s an obvious reason why the latest news. Then I cast aside my curse. The people do make the effort: wonder if this is a good internet shall be perused while CV points and Facebook thing at all. Somewhere, solely for the occasional glory are attractive glitter, the a tap is dripping. trudge through e-mails, entire thing is just a lot of fun. People are forever the newspaper mean- Yet even those not actually talking about the while can continue its involved in student journalism hideously clichéd current role as a sort of can benefit from this enthusi- "Cambridge bubble” with unattractive, rustling car- asm. The student press has an all its connotations of pet. I have benefited in important role in acting as a apathy, aloofness, alco- some small, obvious watchdog for JCRs, reporting hol-fuelled action and ways from this influx of on such worthwhile student arbitrary inaction. But I information, but more campaigns and, every now and chose not to choose that. importantly I have then, challenging authority in I chose something else. realised the extent of the an environment where the bal- My fundamental laziness, media’s charm, its illu- ance of power is heavily however, has circum- sion that all answers are weighted towards the thou- scribed that revolution- Soon enough one is discovered slumped over a to be found within its sand-year-old institution rather ary something. Not for sphere. I have seen than the individual. me jaunty break-outs to fatigued computer, wearily tapping the refresh button through the false truths Which brings me, in a round- London, not even cycle it offers, raising more about and self-indulgent way, rides to Grantchester. “ on BBC News Online questions than they to my point. It seems that stu- Instead my escape con- answer and exploiting dent journalism is getting hard- sisted of regular visits to TCS. Tales of CUSU crises is no longer enough. You Your newsagent’s gerous a place; a human our futile desire for com- er. Legal and ethical issues, the newsagent and an and porter pedantry must get at least one raised eyebrow suggests brain can barely cope prehensive understand- which did not infringe upon unhealthy relationship could not, however, sat- paper, every day. If you that alternative action with such a mass of ing. I’m going to cut the university journalists of old with my network cable. isfy for long and I went miss a day, buy two should be taken, and so nothingness. Like” infor- myself off for a while, are raising their ugly heads Within a matter of weeks in search of more. papers the next; just you move onto the mation-seeking lem- resume my student apa- with worrying frequency. An I developed an obsession; Stage 1 of my infor- make sure you get a suf- socially deadly Stage 3: mings we follow its sor- thy, wrap myself in a atmosphere of litigation more I became a bonafide mation addiction pro- ficient share of the nebu- the charms of the inter- did path into corners tight scarf and retreat to germane to the cut-throat news junkie. gressed, predictably lous mass of swirling net, the weekly wait for dark and dank. my minute social circle mainstream media is beginning I should have been enough, to Stage 2. Here, print that surrounds us. one’s Popbitch fix, the Soon enough a new where a death stare in to permeate our cloistered more wary. Looking back the patient investigates News extends beyond trawls through Facebook low is reached and one is the college bar is as quads. on my early time in the untapped outer boundaries, it is as and, if you’re really des- discovered slumped over important and provoca- Amongst other things, the Cambridge I can see the world and devours news- greedy for us as we are perate, Google blog a fatigued computer, tive as any Tory shenani- Internet, it seems, has brought warning signs; I used to papers. The morning for it, and it is this infi- search. The internet has wearily tapping the gan. And, to be honest, the eyes of the nation down on actually read the News routine of casually glanc- nite quality that makes it become too great, too refresh button on BBC I’m quite looking for- the birthplaces of some of its sections of Varsity and ing at the rack in Borders so utterly alluring. sprawling and too dan- News Online. It’s hap- ward to it. most prominent members. What was once college gossip, forgotten after a month of entering the real world, is now archived, gathered, scanned and stored for eternity. Cherwell Cross Over The Bridge My Brother has seen this phenomenon first-hand over the last few years: one memorable incident The case for more interdisciplinary work in the arts involving a threat of legal action from our own student union. Recent events in Oxford, however, have Glyn Salton-Cox changed the landscape dramat- he great statesman, butt of Joseph Firstly, a note of congratulation to a Fair enough, I suppose. dency is to be found in the work of ically. Heller’s Good as Gold, and all-round certain faction within the English Another small contribution to the Bertie Russell - that shining exemplar of Last month, Oxford University Traconteur, Henry Kissinger once Faculty, whose deep wisdom and fore- cause of interdisciplinary endeavour has Cambridge rigour and shameless bigamy threatened Cherwell’s rival, The famously remarked that after university sight in setting up the new MPhil in been made by a publication set up with - in his History of Western Philosophy. Oxford Student, with an politics he longed for the simplicity of “Criticism and Culture” is clearly mani- the help of the Forum for European More recently, one only has to witness injunction that resulted in their the Middle East. To all those familiar fest, not least in the shining qualities of Philosophy, Naked Punch. This magazine, the objections raised to the honorary entire print run being with the ongoing and bitter struggles the students participating in this course, in the mould of a French-style review, fellowship of Derrida - characterised by destroyed. Suddenly, things got within Cambridge for representation particularly those writing on Nietzsche. aims to unite theorists and practitioners outraged personal assaults upon his a lot less fun, and what began and influence, this remark will come as Such praise shall not, however, go in a number of different disciplines and integrity and seriousness - to grasp the as smug curiosity on our part no surprise. Indeed, university life in unleavened. What tickles me is that the arts in a medley of interests and con- depths of this inane process of carica- quickly turned to genuine con- England has always been a site of strug- course was initially called “Culture and cerns; and it welcomes contributions ture. For my part, I can conclude these sternation.The University gle. Battles have been joined for widely Criticism”; and it is now called from all comers. observations with the thought that an claimed that The Oxford different ends: for the right to con- “Criticism and Culture”. What could And how to move on? Well, one way attempt to transcend the conflation of Student had compromised stu- science (a curious struggle, something have precipitated this inversion of the is to get less personal. The usual battle academic interests and personal charac- dent welfare, the paper itself I’ve always tried to run from); for course title? Well, it seems to me that lines drawn in this debate in the teristics is perhaps the best way forward claimed nothing, silenced by power and influence within the univer- there was some concern over the prima- humanities are trenchant in their biog- to productive work within the humani- confidentiality agreements. sity itself (surely the most undignified cy of the word “culture”. “Criticism” is raphical fallacy. The interdisciplinary ties, whether one seeks to remain for- Our initial form of politicking); and for wider polit- an academic moniker with a rich tradi- champion, usually with some interest in mally disciplined, or one wishes to It is difficult to know how, as ical points best explored in non public tion of “rigour”. “Culture”, however, continental philosophy, will be charac- branch out and embrace subversive students, we should react to spaces for lawyer-less chaps like me. today speaks to academic snobs of the terised by his adversaries as having a European winds of change. But then I these events. Increasingly, But there is one particular struggle dreaded sobriquet of “Cultural Studies”: dilettantish mien, a flippant buffoonery, would say that, being a glib, unprinci- those of us involved in journal- which I would like to highlight here: an ignoble aegis under which one imag- a malodorous bohemianism, and an pled, Gauloises-smoking kind of guy. ism are aware that we’re sud- the attempt to get important interdisci- ines sub-literate fools labouring over unnatural cultural relativism; whereas denly playing a game with very plinary work up and running in essays on the development of David the traditionalist will be imperialist, indistinct rules. The prece- Cambridge, where boundaries between Beckham’s hairstyle and the genealogy morally conservative, and represent, of Glyn Salton-Cox is, unsurprisingly, a Criti- dents just do not exist. It seems disciplines still seem to some to be the of “metrosexuality”. And thus we must course, the very nadir of academic cism and Culture MPhil student (writing on that student journalism has last bastions of “rigour”. first be critical, before we are cultural. anomie. A nascent showing of this ten- Nietzsche), and an Editor of Naked Punch grown up. 12 Varsity Comment 04.11.05 TOM KINGSLEY

outh is wasted on the young. It should be kept from the young, and Yinstead be given to domestic appli- ances currently lacking durability. Like a blender currently lacking durability. Or cutlery lacking durability. Or a mug lack- ing durability (and a handle). We are the young, and we are misus- ing, misspending and misunderstanding our youth. A friend of mine mislaid his youth, and died of old age before he realised he’d just left it on the surface. I wish I was better at youth, and I keep buying clothes that are ‘retro.’ I’m proba- bly buying clothes that are older than me to supply the parent figures I so desper- ately lack. This is the reason our genera- tion buys retro clothes. My brown tank top is my father and the black T-shirt is my mother – not biologically, nor legally, but sartorially. Which is almost certainly most important. They clash. I can’t wear them together. A broken home. My father’s got angry about the jumper. The jumper’s not a good father, but it is definitely a good jumper. My dad’s not a good father or a good jumper. In the room the women come and go, talking of ‘Mike and Angelo.’ I always find myself in a conundrum when buying retro clothes from a retro Decline and fall of a secret society clothes shop (let’s call it Cool Cool Hot Old Clothes). I don’t know what to wear. If I wear workaday, modern clothes, I will The apocryphal Apostles and how times have changed not garner the respect of the man behind

the counter. If I wear retro clothes, he will he other day someone accused me bunch of losers. With its male domina- Secondly, 'the elite' in Cambridge Ned think I’m stealing his stuff. He knows this. of being an Apostle. I'm not an tion, smug slang, and tedious rules - means something different. Look at the He uses it as a source of his service TApostle - but then I would say that, apparently you can be fined if you fail to Pitt Club. Membership of that used to be industry power. because if you are an Apostle, you're not produce a paper when requested - the something to be proud of, but these days, He is of another generation than I. allowed to tell anyone that you're an society is reminiscent of the worst sort of admitting to your friends that you're in These clothes are not retro to him, they Apostle. If you don't already know what public school drinking society. It's simply the Pitt Club is akin to admitting that are merely nostalgic – their odour and the Apostles are, a short history follows. not plausible any more that the sort of over the holidays you drunkenly shagged pattern brings back to mind happy If you do already know, feel good about people who will be most influential in a schoolgirl you met in a park - they'll memories of a hippy childhood spent yourself and skip to paragraph three. twenty years time, the great artists and forgive you, but it's still a shameful error hiding fireworks up his flares and twist- The Apostles, also known as the thinkers and statesmen of the future, are of judgement. The Pitt Club Comittee, ing to the beat of Tears for Fears. He Cambridge Conversazione Society, was also the sort of people who would join a I've heard, is desperate to restore the Beauman was never seen as special by the other founded in 1820 by twelve undergradu- club like that. body's reputation. But it won't work. people: he was bullied by children who ates from St John's (although over the Because real success in Cambridge is no were better than him (both objectively years most of its members have been longer a matter of belonging to the clubs and subjectively). Now, suddenly, the drawn from Trinity and King's.) It is, or that are the hardest to get into - it's about world has moved around him and he was, a debating society: members meet in celebrity of a more conventional kind. It's finds himself to be the King of Cool, he’s somebody's room in the evening, some- “ about being known, whether for directing the Cool. And he’s angry too, he’s the one presents a paper, and then the paper Your best friend plays or editing newspapers or organising King of Angry. He’s the Angry. And I get is discussed. Former members (known as demonstrations or just for throwing par- the latent whack of his festering anger 'Angels') include Alfred Lord Tennyson, might be a genius, ties. And that's how it should be. If

because of my generation. Bertrand Russell, Ludwig Wittgenstein, you're so talented, you should share that In the room the women come and go, E.M. Forster, John Maynard Keynes, but unless you with the rest of the university, not keep it

talking of ‘Mike and Angelo.’ Aldous Huxley, and countless other intel- have a joint a secret to everyone but your clique of Everyone needs to differentiate their lectual giants of the nineteenth and twen- close friends. generation from the last, so as to avoid tieth centuries. Undergraduates being supervision you’ll "Now, stop there, Beauman," you're mistaking a parent for a friend or lover. considered for membership are called “ thinking. "It seems to me that you're bit- We all know the old generations - we’ve 'embryos', and they're invited to parties never find out. ter that you haven't been asked to join had generation X, the MTV generation, where, unbeknownst to them, the cur- this club, so you've written an article pro- the ITV2 generation, generation grope, rent members judge their suitability. If claiming the existence of some sort of generation Egg... What are we? All you get in, you have to take an oath of nebulous new 'elite', which, convenient- we’ve got to differentiate ourselves from secrecy. ly, you would appear to be a member of, those that went before is irony. And hov- In 1986, when Richard Deacon pub- And that tells us a lot about how what with your big beardy face being erboards. Irony and hoverboards. Ironic lished The Cambridge Apostles, they were Cambridge has moved on. Everyone still plastered all over Varsity every couple of hoverboards. Made-up hoverboards, still going - or so he claims, but then the wants to be one of the elite; that will weeks." You're half right. But the point is genuine irony. book is mostly an attack on the society as never change. But, firstly, there is no that you, or anyone, could write a com- That said, we have also got lactose a sinister 'homosexual mafia', so I'm not longer any such thing as intellectual ment piece for Varsity and get your photo intolerance and the fall of the Berlin wall. sure we should trust him. What about celebrity. The Apostles were meant to be in the paper, or apply to the ADC to We need something to make our gener- today? I've never heard any rumours the twelve cleverest people in Cambridge. direct a play, or audition for a Footlights ation great – even the Berlin Wall fell about it, but then I don't get out much. In those days, of course, a particularly bril- Smoker, or stand for election to CUSU, or when we were too young to notice it. If Before writing this article I asked a few liant undergraduate would soon acquire a do any of the other things that get you only those fidgety Germans could have people who I thought might know, but reputation (everyone seems to have gos- known in Cambridge. And that's if you waited for one or two decades, we predictably none of them could tell me siped about Wittgenstein's phenomenal even think that being part of this dubious could have shared in the glory. Now anything. mind, for example, from the moment he 'elite' really matters, that it wouldn't be what have we got? Yeah, we’ve got a My father went to Trinity in the six- arrived) but these days a student's aca- better just to make friends and learn a lot social conscience but what good’s that? ties, and he's always been disappointed demic abilities are effectively as private as and have a fun, stimulating, normal time There’s nothing easy left to do - we can that he was never asked to join the his or her sexual habits. How would you at Cambridge. I wouldn't join the only save the world by eradicating Apostles, so when I came up, I wondered ever go about identifying the twelve Apostles even if they wanted me, and the poverty. Great. Great. It’s like being on if I would be asked. But now, of course, cleverest? Your best friend might be a fact that they are no longer the subject of the Weakest Link when the player just the idea is laughable. Let's face it: if the genius, but unless you have a joint super- any excitement shows how far Cambridge before you was asked ‘where are your Apostles still exist, they're probably a vision with them you'll never find out. has come. feet?’ and then you get asked a really detailed question about plankton. And Do you want to edit Varsity next term? See page 23 for details on how to apply. you’ve never heard of plankton.

Editor James Dacre [email protected] Chief News Editor Amy Goodwin [email protected] Features Editor Jon Swaine [email protected] Varsity has been Cambridge’s Section Meeting Times: Arts Editor Ned Beauman [email protected] Sports Editor Joe Speight [email protected] independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 free copies News - The Munby Room, King’s: 7pm, Sundays Business Manager Chris Adams [email protected] Production Ifti Qurashi, Michael Derringer [email protected] Associate Editors to every Cambridge college and APU Adam Edelshain, Jessica Holland, Mungo Woodifield [email protected] Arts Commissioning Editor Emma Paterson [email protected] Music - King’s Bar 4pm, Friday weekly. 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No part of this publication is Editors Laura Draper, Jenny Lee [email protected] Visual Arts Miriam Foster, Jonathan Yarker [email protected] Screen Editors Carly 11-12 Trumpington Street to be reproduced, stored on a retrieval system Farthing, Hanna Briggs [email protected] Cambridge CB2 2PH or submitted in any form or by any means, Photo Editor Jamie Marland [email protected] Chief Sub-editors David Marusza, Louise Williamson Sub-editors Jenna Atkins, Tom Aizlewood, without prior permission of the publisher. Tel: (01223) 353422 Sophie Hauptfuhrer, Rosalind Earis, Joseph Heaven, Rebecca Grieg Graphics Adam Welch, Tom Kingsley, Tom Windley [email protected] © Varsity Publications Ltd, 2005. 04.11.05 Comment Varsity 13 Correspondence email us: [email protected] Student Censorship or write to: Varsity, 11-12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge CB2 1QA Letters Aside from navigating baseline grids, waking up (in cold When dinner goes awful our experience was. the-razz officially crosses the line sweats) over font sizes, and learning to love microwave very wrong He assured us that this would of acceptability. I do not wish that Perhaps if the Lib Dems had a meals, student journalists now spend the majority of their not harm his business, as he was time in Cyprus with Fabriccio, more coherant political standpoint time talking to lawyers. so successful and the food was so bless his brille-creamed locks, to they might be prepared to engage Dear Sir, great, a few students having a bad surround me every time I go to with opposing views rather than By which we mean Judicium Legal Services – a chat line for experience would make no differ- phone my mother. trying to banish them from town? the legally inept and seriously out-of-pocket. This week, for I am writing about a meal I had at ence to him. After sniffing in several other example, we hoped to run a front page uncovering the Al Casbah recently. I'm not nor- He's probably right, but then booths around town I have found Richard Sidey mally one to complain, but the there's bad and then there's being the case to be the same, giving me Chairman (Spring 2005), CUCA long-held secrets of a group of leading Professors in the service we received was just poisoned, embarrassed and physi- confidence that my experience University. The lawyers saw us coming, and without a shocking. I honestly have never cally abused all in the space of two was not the result of following the penny to our name (being David in a world of Goliaths) for seen anything like it. hours. trail of one particularly pungent Another one for Mary a legal defence team, we were characteristically silenced. Even though we specifically man. Last week, an injunction brought against The Oxford Student asked if there was any gluten in a Lizzie Perdaux However, if he is out there, I ask particular dish, it turned out that it St Catherine’s College his identity to be revealed. Dear Sir, by Oxford University resulted in the destruction of their contained pasta, causing one of entire print run. An attempt to publish details of a contro- our number to become very sick; Alison Pearce As instructed by Mary Bowers versial disciplinary case against an undergraduate that secondly, the manager shouted at Aftershave. Men. In a Newnham College (Varsity Comment, 28 October), Iam failed to adequately disguise the student’s identity led to the one of our group in front of all the phone box? writing to inform you that I actu- University Management’s intervention. The paper had an other customers for "treating his ally know someone who is in a son [the waiter] as a slave" when Don’t banish the long term and loving relationship obligation to report the truth, the university to protect its he asked the waiter to take his Dear Sir, Tories from this town with a non-cantabrigian. students. The Oxford Student was left powerless to a higher plate away; finally, after paying, He has been seeing her for authority for the second time in under a year. It is easy to the same waiter physically man- It has recently come to my atten- almost three years now, and they caricature student journalism as irrelevant, irreverant and handled another member of our tion that the smell of men's after- Dear Sir, are very much in love. She wears group out of the restaurant and shave is being pumped into every his college football shirt and he self-important, but it is vital that student journalism exists had to be pulled off our friend by single red public telephone box in I would like to take issue with teases her about Leeds. In fact, I without censorship. Without this, a loosely-knit Cambridge two other men in our group. Cambridge. Seth Thevoz's comment on the have only slept with him twice community would lack its most visible means of standing Instead of apologising for such I have tried to trace the source Conservatives, proclaiming that throughout his entire relationship, up for and expressing itself – two essential components of disgusting behaviour, the man- of this scent, and I can only "their brand of politics has no so they must be pretty serious. ager followed us out into the deduce it is from an ominous place" in Cambridge (Varsity News, any student’s life. street and shouted at us for a black box placed above the phone- 14 October). Rebecca Heselton Cambridge has one of the largest press offices of any uni- good ten minutes about how we set. As if male urine - made toler- Not only is it factually incorrect Newnham College needed to learn respect for oth- able only after years of nose-adap- as CUCA is one of the largest soci- versity in the world. Varsity and TCS have a business man- ers, and to do "our worst” and tation - was not bad enough, the eties in Cambridge, but it displays Letters may be edited ager and a legal chatline. We are probably immature write on websites about how smell of a male’s night-out-on- a disturbingly illiberal attitude. for space and style enough as journalists to warrant this. But the odds remain against us. And perhaps that’s why people bother with stu- dent journalism. If it ain’t Baroque, listed were Baroque is similar to building that serves only to block don’t fix it calling Beethoven an ardent views of the river from King's Serialist, Chaucer a gushing main court, and, of course, hold Free Book Offer Dear Sir, Romantic or Marx a supporter of up the flagpole. Its flat grey the English class system: absurd. stone, reserved manner and tri- Claim your FREE copy of The Mist As an Architecture student the The Baroque began in Italy umphal arch (where exactly does in the Mirror by Susan Hill and little pictures of buildings on page and is characterised by illusion, this lead?!) would be more at 31 (Varsity Arts, 21 October) made movement, and the impression home on Whitehall than a take advantage of a superb range me whoop in an understated of infinite space; the boundaries Cambridge college. Its only of half-price bestselling novels. manner in keeping with the 80s between architecture, sculpture, architectural merit is in highlight- Just complete the coupon below electro-clash chic I am trying to stucco and painting are blurred ing the glory of the chapel next and send it to Varsity, Offer perfect. beyond distinction. It is an door. RAN005, PO Box 104, Ludlow, The noise that I emitted on incredibly emotional, religious David Valinsky reading the title of the thin blue and above all Catholic manner of Fitzwilliam College SY8 1YB with your cheque or strip down the side of the page building. postal order payable to Bookshop (“Where to find Baroque archi- It is easy to see even from the Partnership Ltd. Or call 0870 755 tecture in Cambridge”) was, tiny pictures on the page that Letters of the 2122 to pay by credit/debit card however, not pleasant; I these buildings do not fit into this Week win a spe- screamed in shock. The fact of box. (over £5) between 9am and 5pm. the matter is there is no Baroque As for the article below prais- cially selected Letters of the architecture in Cambridge, I ing Gibbs' Fellows' Building in bottle from our TITLE CODE RRP OFFER PRICE QTY TOTAL £ struggle to think of any in the King's College, quite where the friends at Week entire country. "plasiticity", "fluidity" and "deco- THE MIST IN THE MIRROR Cambridge Wine by Susan Hill 1 £6.99 FREE 1 £0.00 The idea of pushing all archi- rative flare" of the Italian THE COLOUR by Rose Tremain 2 £6.99 £3.50 tecture into convenient “styles” is Baroque are I would be Merchants, BACK WHEN WE WERE 3 £6.99 £3.50 highly dubious in the first place enthralled to discover. King's Parade GROWN UPS by Anne Tyler but to claim that the buildings To me this is a singularly ugly POSSESSION by AS Byatt 4 £7.99 £4.00 THE HANDMAID’S TALE by Margaret Atwood 5 £6.99 £3.50 FULL SET OF 5 BOOKS 6 £35.95 £14.50 “...just one of the forty-one sports teams Harvard offers” Postage and Packaging £1.50 Grand Total The Last Word Name Address The Other Cambridge Daytime phone no. This Week: I enclose a cheque/PO no: made payable to Bookshop arvard, unlike many varsity lightweight rowing team While participation in other Partnership Ltd for the total sum of: £ Mark Adomanis prestigious institu- and a writer for the student clubs is certainly not a universal OR please debit my Delta/Mastercard/Switch*/Visa (delete) tions of learning newspaper and my teammates characteristic of the rowers, I tiable appetite for extra-curricu- My card number is:______through the world, are a fairly good barometer of have been surprised at the fre- lars derive? Habit. The admis- Valid From ______Expiry Date ______*Issue No. _____ has for a long time how exposed most Harvard stu- quency that those who do not sions process to schools such as Signature______Hmade "character" an important dents are to activities beyond participate in anything else Harvard is in large part based on __Tick if you do not wish to receive future offers. part of its admissions process. the classroom. have remarked that they need the high school resumés of Offer RAN005 While in the past this meant Participation on the team to "find something" in addition applicants, with sports, commu- that the admissions committee itself is a major commitment in to their athletic pursuits. nity service, writing, or acting went searching for "manly both time and energy; rowing And note that the pursuits I an absolute must. vigour" and all sorts of other consumes a bare minimum of have so far described are limited When we graduate, my team- politically incorrect attributes, two hours per day, six days a to members of one varsity sports mates and I will remember, today it means that they search week, all year round. team, of the forty-one Harvard more than anything else, row- for high-schoolers who have But it is in addition to all of offers, and that athletes are fre- ing on the Charles, while others been "active." their training that my team- quently castigated by their peers of our classmates built scenery, Although it is easy to take a mates alternately run a bike for being lazy and unmotivated. edited the newspaper or ran a cynical attitude towards the repair shop, act as teaching None of this, of course, is store. As far as I can tell, and as guidebooks offered to prospec- assistants, play in the marching healthy, and it breeds a campus far as my foreign friends have tive students, where beaming band, sing a capella, work in a that is perpetually late for meet- informed me, the preoccupation students of every skin colour robotics laboratory, write for the ings, classes, or practice. In one with out-of-class activity I have imaginable are shown singing, student newspaper, program breath students here will com- seen here is a uniquely dancing, running, reading, and, websites (one was a program- plain about the campus atmos- American trait. of course, studying, the fact is mer for thefacebook.com), par- phere and lack of joviality, and I hope that I have been able Harvard students really do ticipate in ROTC, clean dorm in the next they will note that to shed some light on it. Terms & Conditions: 1. Free book limited to one per person, UK address only. 2. Please allow 28 days for delivery. 3. Proof of postage not proof of receipt. 4. Offer subject to engage in a mind-numbing vari- rooms, organise Bible studies, they have to get running to sev- availabilty; we reserve the right to supply an alternative free title in the event that the ety of extra-curricular activities. and invest money in the stock eral straight hours of rehearsal. Mark is a contributor to the Harvard original should not be available. 5. Call 01584 879776. 6. Please use address/phone num- I am a coxswain for the men's market. From where does this insa- student newspaper, The Crimson ber as above rather than usual Varsity address. 14 Varsity Arts 04.11.05 04.11.05 Arts Varsity 15

APART FROM

PYTHON TOM WINDLEY Taking Footlights LIGHTS OUT? www.factmagazine.co alumni out of the .uk: splendid London music/style shadow magazine launches a The seats of the ADC are full, but is anyone laughing? website OLLY BATHAM, MATHILDA IMLAH, SAM JONES and

MIRIAM FOSTER ask if the Footlights are still funny Mace on Victoria he only gripe I used to have with the funny at all. The comics I saw die most often on tioned that they were stand-up comedians. Road: open until 10 TFootlights was that in my first year they stage were surreal. People I have talked with Admittedly few will achieve the success that every night except neglected to send me my membership after about the Footlights have commented that a lot Izzard and Bailey have had, but light-entertain- Monday and a great I'd paid them. But that wasn't my first gripe of the material they were presented with didn't ment seems to at the moment welcome comics with comedy. That came entirely from me, make them laugh. Comics like Lenny Bruce, with open arms. They shift from doing live Haribo selection. Still when I finally realised – after nearly a year of Bill Hicks (before he was appropriated by sixth comedy or the odd TV slot to becoming smug no match for Regent GERMAINE GREER: Dropped the performing stand-up, on and off, and even form colleges across the country), even Eddie gameshow presenters like Jimmy Carr or reality Street Convenience comedy and became a popular doing a small slot on TV for a late night comedy Izzard and Bill Bailey, use surreal humour and TV show presenters like Patrick Kielty, who feminist academic. Regularly seen competition – that I wasn't really that good. I free association as a means to an end. They used to do some quite biting political comedy Store though talking on Newsnight Review. didn't believe in what I was saying. I wasn't before the lonely Kelly Brook lured him to peek even that interested in what I was saying at people on Celebrity Love Island. because it lacked any kind of relevance. I didn't Likewise with Footlights. Few current Bomb training: all tell anyone at Footlights this, of course. Footlights members will go on to achieve the Thanks to my mistreatment at the hands of successes that prior members have had. There media outlets are now whoever was running the membership at the FOOTLIGHTS SHOULD are undoubtedly some talented comedians and legally obliged to time I applied, I've felt disinclined to go to “ actors that will go through Footlights and do teach their employees many Smokers or events that have been put on ENCOURAGE A some valuable things. But there are a lot more by the club, but those that I have been to have that aren't talented and won't go on to do valu- ‘bomb threat and been mixed at best. This was confirmed, ironi- REDISCOVERY OF THEIR able things. Perhaps Footlights should consider terrorism cally, by a visit to the Footlights' website, where looking beyond their tradition of absurdist procedures’, so if excerpts from reviews of Under The Blue, Blue ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT PAST humour and try to encourage a rediscovery of Moon, their latest Edinburgh show, were dis- their anti-establishment past. Maybe it's also you’ve got a Mad played. Being slightly anal, I visited some of the worth being a little bit cruel to wannabe stand- Bomber on the reviewing websites. One said that the show ups who just can't do it, and letting them know, phone, just call made them wonder if 'I was on the same planet rather than taking away from genuinely funny as the writers.' For a club that often deals in manage to make it applicable and relevant to parts of a performance. Varsity, we’ll know MEL AND SUE: Likeable double act what to who present light-hearted things. absurdist humour, this sounds good. That's the ”their audience. The comparisons with successful I still think, beyond my bitterness, that wonderful nature of excerpts. The entire sen- comedians in this respect are admittedly unfair: Footlights is a valuable breeding ground for tal- do tence says: 'However, for me and a vast majori- Footlights performers do not have the time to ent. My attitude was neatly expressed by a ty of their audience at the performance I saw, invest in comedy or the experience to be any- friend of mine that regularly attends smokers. the material was far too surreal, so much so I thing like those comedians. Moreover, a She commented about one show she'd seen wondered if I was on the same planet as the reliance on surreal humour (or on mimicking that often 'there were some funny bits, but it writers.' Under The Blue, Blue Moon got three favourite comedians) is not just an issue with was generally poor.' When I asked her why she stars. The Northern Youth Theatre's production, the Footlights, but with the comedy circuit as a kept going back, she said 'I like to live in hope.' Not The Footlights, got four. whole. Which is a good thing, and people should keep Surreal humour is a hallmark for Footlights Another problem with modern comedy is that going, because there will be someone there at and their alumni, but it is a difficult comic form it is often seen, though never said, to be a some point who will be astoundingly funny. to handle. A lot of the time, absurdist humour springboard to a media career of some kind. A Fifth-week blues: is only funny for a couple of people, or a group lot of comics that I met when I was first open- Ollie Batham nothing to do with of students studying at Cambridge, but not for miking were 'making a documentary' or 'doing people outside the bubble. Often it just isn't something with Channel 4', but never men- homesickness. Actually fifth week is the first time that all he Footlights make me, and nations like me, still remember the smirk on the face of my egregious love to be made to laugh. It’s so good for us. And the freshers feel SANDI TOKSVIG: The highlight of Call laugh. It is a very difficult argument to com- interviewer as I said diffidently that “I’d like to get Footlights are pretty great at it. Throughout my My Bluff, until she mysteriously Tbat. They are very funny. ‘They’ are not just Iinvolved with the drama scene – you know, maybe ICambridge career the Footlights have always deliv- secure enough in disappeared to be replaced by Rod an anonymously eponymous mass of alumni but try out for the Footlights”. He was playing the bad cop, ered with an enticing mixture of individual talent, orig- Superheroes, rabid dogs their new-found Liddle, of all people. people here. Tomorrow you could be one of them. nay the downright evil cop, in my first Cambridge inal writing and the bravery to be experimental. For First and foremost, the Footlights is the leading interview and had no qualms about crushing every me that is when the Footlights are at their strongest: friendships to bitch area of Cambridge theatre (and it is certainly the utterance I came out with, with a face that said “do when they move away from tested formulas and cliché about each other leading light amongst student comedy) for com- you know how many other insipid wannabes have said and strive for a comedy which engages and surprises behind each other’s pletely original material – all sizes of polygon are that to me today?” But he probably had a point. I’m the viewer. and mashed potato backs embraced on a fortnightly basis. Footlights has only sure I’m not the only student who’s ever come to To those outside the university it is probably our staged original material since 1892 – it requires no Cambridge with a gleam of stardom in their eighteen- most high-profile club but many within question if it previous experience, or justification or pitch, and it year-old eyes, dreaming of being the next John Cleese . deserves its revered reputation. I think it’s a testament Alice Harper is delighed by the next generation of Cambridge comedy at the Virgin Smoker lets students get up on stage and perform – every After trying out for the Footlights panto in the first to our present talent that the Smokers are invariably second week of term; every year around the coun- term and getting through to the call-back stage I was sold out and consistently raise cheers and whoops of here is a sort of poetry in the recent monologue had the audience in stitches at lines try – to the public general. delight. But I worry that the criticism levied against the Footlights scheduling at the ADC. Last like, ‘Lionel, rip off my clothes and beat me over Writing ranges from the observational, to the Footlights that it caters to one, specific, intellectual stu- Tweek saw comedy duo and Footlights aris- the bottom with a Woman’s Weekly’. There surreal, to the absurd, to stand-up, musical num- dent market, is justified. In the security of the ADC the tocracy Joe Thomas and Jonny Sweet put on were puns galore in a topical sketch featuring bers, pantomime, satire, caricature, physical Footlights are assured a captivated, sympathetic audi- their own show, The Future. The show was tes- Grant, a student loan personified, and a bizarre humour, the ubiquitous use of the pun, sometimes I’M NOT THE ONLY STUDENT WHO’S ence, eager to support their friends and keen for a tament to the partnership immaculately con- but energetic skit imagining a union between a all in the course of an evening. There is no other EVER COME TO CAMBRIDGE WITH A laugh to alleviate the stresses of work or fifth week ceived two years ago at the Virgin Smoker, “ rabid dog and a meercat. institution that invests such trust in student inven- “ blues. I think where the Footlights face a real challenge prompting one astute Varsity critic to dub their THOMAS AND SWEET The highlight, though, came as a complete sur- JOHN LLOYD: Producer of two land- tion and innovation, particularly as the committee GLEAM OF STARDOM IN HIS EYES is in appealing to an audience outside Cambridge. The material ‘the most inspired and beautifully acted prise in the middle of the show from Alistair The ongoing ‘cool mark 1980s sketch shows, Not the WHIPPED THE CROWD TO Nine O’Clock News and Spitting members who organise all these events must last few tour shows haven’t been received with the sketch of the night’. So the instruction from Roberts. Masquerading as standard observation- kids’ farrago in Image. Also wrote the first-rate comic already have contributed a large part of the per- critical acclaim one would expect of some of the coun- Simon Bird, MC of Tuesday night’s Virgin al stand-up (‘Cous cous... Shouldn’t it be called Citizen King: book The Meaning of Liff with forming corpus themselves over the year before try’s brightest comic talent. The successful transition Smoker, that ‘You must laugh so hard you usher AN ALMOST BACCHIC cous?’), the unprepossessing beginning morphed Footlights’ contemporary, Douglas gripping.We’re Adams. they can be considered as committee members. convinced I was on the road to my first BBC2 sit-com. between the spontaneity and fresh appeal of the in a new century’, was given particular poignan- into a beautifully performed teen-angst song The Footlights are self-regulating, there is no Now, two years on, having retired from acting and Smokers into a longer, coherently structured piece cy when Thomas and Sweet whipped the crowd FRENZY, CHANTING FOR ‘about obsessional unrequited love’, in which his flattered that Varsity is denying it, but they are also self-perpetuating. It ”abandoned any hopes of ever making anyone laugh seems to evading them at present. Whilst individuals to an almost Bacchic frenzy, chanting for the character sang, ‘You’ll never know how I trace considered a ‘trendy’ would not have survived since 1883, Smokers except when I’m grotesquely drunk, I still go to the will continue to shine, and the best no doubt achieve slaughter of virgins that might follow in their THE SLAUGHTER OF your face in mashed potato’. Such subtle mate- would not have consistently sold out for 3/5/7 occasional Footlights Smoker and sit there thinking success in the real world, the reputation of the compa- footsteps. The future of Footlights was left hang- rial was mirrored in Ned Beauman’s superhero hang-out; if spending years (the figures are nebulous but nonetheless jealously “I could do that; my friends think I’m really ny as a whole is more fragile. ing in the balance. VIRGINS THAT MIGHT stand-up, who took the audience on a gentle every night of the impressive), it would not be such a world- funny”. But let’s face it, I probably couldn’t. Some of The Footlights are relentlessly accused of nepotism Lucky for Bird, then, that this fresh crop had meander from the observation that ‘apart from week eating Dojo’s renowned springboard of modern comic talent, if it the writing in the various shows, sketches and pantos and elitism. This seems unfair. They search for the most the audience in titters for most of the show. I FOLLOW IN THEIR my beard, I don’t have any superpowers’, to his were not funny, and new, and a chance to hone the Footlights throw together is genuinely hilarious promising comic talent in Cambridge and the Virgin say most, for there were moments when the realisation that he could predict the tragic and arguing about comic style. The most exciting element of the and intelligent and the acting often brilliantly timed Smoker is surely the proof of this. With no selective laughter subsided. In what seemed like the FOOTSTEPS demise of third division superhero, Asbestos Girl. fonts is Footlights, in the opinion of President Simon Bird, and most importantly bloody funny. There’s a lot of auditions they encourage anyone keen enough to token politically incorrect sketch, there were With a couple of remarkable exceptions at cool now, is that it is such a constantly young and fresh jealousy surrounding The Footlights. People will say brave the stage. Perhaps those who don’t infiltrate the audible groans – is a sitcom from the point of both ends of the scale, this crop proved them- organisation; I know no other 120+ year olds they “try too hard to be clever”, they’re “so up them- group just aren’t funny enough. If they can combine a view of an aborted foetus ever funny? selves more than capable of providing late-night then (nursing home wheelchair-racing buddy of the selves” or that they “don’t think they’re actually that more inspired collaborative writing process with their But it was the range of material on show that entertainment for an ever-hungry Smoker consider ADC) that can feed themselves, let alone tell new funny”. My response is simple: well yes they are. And impressively virtuosic acting I believe there is a very made this Smoker a delight to watch. If this crowd. With such performances from James us James jokes, every time I visit. you’re not. So get over it…like I did. Sort of. bright future for the Cambridge Footlights. generation can do one comic trope, it can do ” Allnut and Eley Williams, the future looks them all. Matt Bethal’s delivery gave a fresh assured for the Footlights. But it was particular- fucking Matilda Imlah Sam Jones Miriam Foster twist to musings on emotional scars left by being ly welcome to see a healthy number of girls on MORWENNA BANKS: Starred in high- Dean ly regarded late 1980s sketch show an overweight kid; a remarkably assured per- stage – could this be the end of a male-dominat- Absolutely. formance of a Victoria Wood-style character ed Footlights committee? 16 Varsity Arts 04.11.05

Are there enough opportunities for debating in Sound of the Underground Cambridge? Liz Bradshaw and Sarah Pope talk to rising garage-rock trio the Subways Adam Swersky says:

verything about The appreciation for diversity per- ESubways is down to haps reflects their influences, earth. Everything, that which apparently range from is, bar their frenetic live shows. Nirvana to Motown. And who Interviewing them is a bit like is Charlotte’s ultimate Rock n As a critical skill that endows going round your mate’s house Roll Queen? “I’m a really big confidence, the ability to extem- for tea: singer/guitarist fan of Hole and a really big fan porise and analyse complicated Charlotte quietly makes small of Garbage so I think Courtney topics quickly as well as struc- talk about The O.C. (the band Love and Shirley Manson ture an argument, debating have just appeared on the would feature quite high up on should be an activity available in show and Mischa Barton’s my list.” every college. Instead it is apparently a “really lovely per- Later tonight she does a almost entirely confined to the son”), while drummer Josh pretty impressive job of living Cambridge Union. hovers around in the back- up to the title herself. She Nevertheless, the Union does ground like her moody appears onstage having under- provide a phenomenal range of younger brother, occasionally gone a Cinderella-style trans- activities for those interested in contributing the odd Kevin the formation, whirling around learning the art. Teenager-style grunt. In fact, the stage like the cool, bass- For those still mastering the Josh is the younger brother of craft, training workshops for beginners, intermediate and Subways’ frontman Billy Lunn advanced students are available and Charlotte is Billy’s fiancé. each week, given voluntarily by Does this close relationship highly-experienced debaters. affect the way they operate as SHE APPEARS Debaters who want to practice a group? “I think it does it in ONSTAGE HAVING in a more difficult environment a positive way - when we’re “ can try their hand at a Union onstage, or when we’re song- UNDERGONE A ‘emergency” debate, an all-stu- writing, it just feels natural CINDERELLA dent event that takes place half and flows together quite well.” an hour before the main event The band have always been STYLE each week. concerned to build up a fol- TRANSFORMATION For the best of the best (and lowing ‘from below’, rather Cambridge has, officially, some than through media hype and of the best debaters on the consequently their advice for planet), the Union sends teams student bands is “just to play to the World Universities Debating Championship every as much as possible”. It’s an playing girlfriend every indie- year. approach that’s paid off, and boy has ever dreamed about, Finally, for a few, very jammy the band are currently crowd- while” Billy has to be restrained students like myself, there’s an surfing on a wave of popular from jumping into the crowd annual junket where American support, securing themselves a by security. The disturbingly universities pay for the Union to place in a British scene that young audience responds in send teams to debate against they see as refreshingly het- kind, moshing like they’re at a them. Despite a great deal of erogeneous, “It’s really excit- heavy-metal gig, singing along travelling on Greyhounds ing to be part of something so like they know it’s past their around small north-eastern diverse. A little while ago bed-time. The Subways may towns, what price can you put there was almost a London have a long way to go until on the opportunity to argue the scene but it never really kicked they become as revered as Israel-Palestine issue very off because everything just their idols, Muse, but they’re loudly in a North Carolinan sounded the same.” This definitely on the right track. diner at midnight?

n the street below my flat – a small, higgledy-pig- of weeks before I really manner of a master baker dec- Owindow is a tiny gledy jumble of coffee cups became aware of the comings orating a cake. restaurant called the and box-room furniture and and goings of the restaurant. Then there was a plump, Archipelago. A peek through an inordinate number of At first, the usual upheaval of melancholy-looking older the windows reveals glimpses paperback books – for a couple moving to a new city and start- man, with a thick graying of dark wooden tables lit by ing a new job had kept me moustache and a series of lurid dripping candles, and smoky from noticing much about my bow ties, who appeared to be exotic murals of trees and new neighbourhood. However, the owner. He was there most lakes. On the stone table in the as my work – organising the of the day, bustling in and out courtyard outside is an incense private papers of Edmund of the doors with his arms full burner which gives off a McQuilliam, the composer – of supplies for the kitchen, or patchouli-scented smoke in all began to involve a good deal of setting out the specials board weathers, curling and drifting working from home, I began to on the pavement outside. into the street. An old-fash- study the workings of the Roasted lamb with coriander ioned carved wooden piano, Archipelago more closely. and saffron. Stuffed aubergine This is the start of something amazing. sodden with damp, stands out- There was a slight, dark, with vine leaves. Chicken with side next to the door. dancer-like man, who seemed apricots and raisins. Each week, we’re going to print Sometimes, on their way to be the most senior waiter. It was on Sunday evening 400 words of a story. home, the waiters lift up its He worked at the Archipelago when – This week, Elizabeth Dearnley wrote the first ancient lid and press down the every night. In the orange- 400 words. keys, and a string of ghostly purple afternoons of late jangled notes rises up to my autumn he would walk quick- Next week, you can. room. Late at night I sit at my ly down the street towards the Email your 400 words to [email protected] desk and hear them; faint, oth- restaurant, stopping by the and if we think your continuation is the best erworldly. piano to play a few ornamental then we’ll print it here. I had been living in my new trills and flourishes in the

College Film Recommendations Maria Full of Grace Il Postino DVD: ##### Michael Radford’s captivating Capri-set tale imagining a shy young Strong-minded, ambitious Maria is stuck in small-town Columbia with no job, no money and no postman’s wartime friendship with exiled Chilean poet Pablo Neruda. prospects - until, that is, she meets Franklin, who has an appalling but irresistible proposition for her. Beautiful and very moving, not least for the fact that lead actor If she swallows seventy pellets of cocaine and manages to get past customs in New York, she can Massimo Troisi died soon after shooting. Do not miss. earn enough to break away from her controlling family and unfulfilling life. The risks involved – ago- Christ’s Auditorium, Sunday 6th Nov: 8.30pm/10.30pm. £2 nizing death, prison, threats to her family - seem too scary even to contemplate, yet the film suc- If you liked this try…Malena ceeds in conveying the desperation that leads to her decision to make the trip anyway. The film is harrowing and painful to watch, but the makers don't seek to shock or to sentimentalise the events; Punch Drunk Love instead they communicate how common and essentially unremarkable Maria's story is. Maria Full of Adam Sandler proves his mettle as more than a gross-out hero to 12-year old boys, with his turn Grace plumbs the murky depth of the drugs industry, stripping away any of the glamour associated here as a beleaguered small business owner who navigates blackmail, seven abusive sisters and a with it to reveal its brutal reality. Should be made compulsory viewing for Kate Moss. fledgling romance with Emily Watson. Paul Thomas Anderson (Magnolia) directs. Olivia Humphreys St Catherine’s (Ramesden Room), Monday 7th Nov: 8pm. Free. If you liked this try… The Royal Tenenbaums Maria Full of Grace is out now to rent and buy www.mariafullofgrace.com www.wesanderson.org 04.11.05 Arts Varsity 17 CRASH AND BURN Jonathan Yarker discusses the end of Britart with Guardian critic Jonathan Jones O IDE ATRJLA OPIE) JULIAN (AFTER WINDLEY TOM hen Britart burned, couldn’t maintain its progres- we laughed, it sive momentum, new celebri- The YBAs Wseemed a fitting con- ty status and eager public at clusion for a movement that the same time. lived by spectacle to die by it. “ For Jones, people like “Emin, 1988 Damien Hirst curates Freeze, a But laughing was wrong BRITART stopped being creative and student exhibition because, like it or not, Britart started being all about the in an Docklands is an indelible part of us, as shock.” He makes exceptions, warehouse much as Big Brother or STOPPED “Hirst and perhaps Rachel Hollyoakes. We turned Emin, Whiteread” he considers 1991 Marc Quinn makes Hirst, Whiteread and Ofili into BEING “great” adding, “I think the Self, a sculpture of celebrities and if we dump day Hirst stops saying some- his head in his own them now, what’s left? CREATIVE thing new, is the day I turn blood Hollyoakes and Big Brother? into Brian Sewell.” In dis- It’s a serious question, where AND cussing them, Jones brings up 1992 Young British does Britart go now? Michelangelo, “so much of Artists 1 at the “More of the same?” is the Hirst’s work draws on the Saatchi Gallery initial response of the STARTED sculptural legacy of, say, the Guardian art critic Jonathan Captured Slave in the Louvre, 1992 Hirst’s The Jones. But the question both- BEING ALL the shark tapped into our per- Physical ers him; Jones has been fol- petual crisis with mortality.” Impossibility of lowing Britart since its con- ABOUT Jones is not scared to see the Death In The Mind ception in the 1988 exhibition best of Britart in the context OF Someone Freeze, “Seeing what was SHOCK of the Western canon, “it’s Living created for being produced at the end of lazy to see contemporary art Saatchi the ‘80’s, especially the work in a bubble”. It’s this insight of Hirst made me want to that makes his commentary so 1993 Rachel Whiteread’ paint, and art can’t do better pertinent; to see the stacked concrete House than that.” Jones didn’t paint, white cubes of Rachel erected in east however, he did begin to ” Whiteread’s new installation London and later write. Jones. He is naturally a pop- Embankment as a “distillation demolished by the Damien Hirst’s The Physical ulist and, I think, an idealist of Bernini’s great, flamboyant council Impossibility of Death in the but democracy in art usually sculpture” is challenging and Mind of Someone Living (the results in the tyranny of mass exciting. 1993 Rachel Whiteread pickled shark) exhibited at the taste. This is exemplified in But isn’t there a danger of becomes the first Saatchi Gallery in 1991 repre- the popularity of Jack elitism? Talking about Tate woman to win the sented “a new exciting, Vettriano “not even an Modern, he observes, “I used Turner Prize democratised art…Hirst had artist…he produces brainless to love it, but now (laughing) something to say.” These two slick corpses of paintings.” The other people have discovered 1997 Sensation at the things seem extremely impor- same public liked Britart. it, I hate it.” Jones is emphati- Royal Academy tant to Jones: art having a When this happened, I think cally “an art critic not an art selected from voice, an intelligent voice, and it stopped being challenging historian”. He’s writing a pop- Saatchi’s collection its democratisation. Jones was for Jones and became…well, ular piece of art history on Jonathan Jones, in the style of Julian Opie, one of his a socialist in ‘80’s Cambridge to an extent, brainless. Michelangelo and Leonardo favourite artists and a leading YBA 1999 Tracy Emin exhibits while Britart emerged from “It seems to me that Britart “the kind of thing WH. My Bed at the Thatcherism; a truly working was created by Hirst, for him- Smith’s would sell”, but his had stayed in their garrets and engage with it. He’s a modern Turner Prize class movement that gave a self, he’s like some Prospero knowledge and love of art produced masterpieces.” Hogarth; frank and unim- populist, uncomplicated voice figure.” If Hirst is Prospero, its makes him recoil at popular So, his answer? “We are in a pressed with the art establish- 2000 Apocolyse at the to contemporary art. It was clear who the Calibans are: taste. “Education, education, modern mannerist age.” Only ment, but he hasn’t quite Royal Academy revolutionary, stripping away “Quinn and Gormley and Sam education” Jones cries, a man who believed strongly given up on Britart and the traditional academic snob- Taylor-Wood; their work is “should be the watchwords of in the Britart renaissance despite his apocalyptic tone he 2001 Untitled Monument beries of modernism. tired and middle-class, British Art.” But, he hates could see its decline as “man- is still optimistic. Jones has by Whiteread Britart awakened the radical arid…quite frankly the Lapper public art projects and nerist”, signalled by a modern the frank expression of unveiled in and progressive in Jones and sculpture is crap.” For some- believes that museum’s “over sack of Rome: the Momart Hogarth’s tenacious, pug-like Trafalger Square through its democratising one who watched this move- curate” their collections. Fire. Reading Jonathan self-portrait in the Tate; he is influence, it awakened a ment from its conception in Producing “anaemic” displays. Jones’s articles you can’t fail the elitist who crusades 2003 New Saatchi latent population to the possi- an east London warehouse, He’s an idealist who began by to notice a certain amount of against dumbing down, the gallery opened on bilities of art, “Never before the end was in sight when the believing that Britart would anger. “I am sounding a bit everyman who demands more the Southbank had artists achieved celebrity Royal Academy, the most be “educative” and its popu- apocalyptic aren’t I?” he jokes from art. However further status, art could sell newspa- established of establishment larity would mean, “people as we end our drinks, but contemporary art descends 2004 Fire in a warehouse pers and everyone wanted to art institutions mounted the would look at Whiteread and Jones isn’t a bitter man, he is into mediocrity one thing is destroys part of talk about the latest shock Sensation exhibition in 1997. then study Magritte”. He now merely frustrated at what he certain, this insightful, urbane Saatchi’s collection piece.” Britart had captured the con- believes its popularity has sees as “Britain’s thin visual man will never become Brian temporary imagination, not killed it, “it would perhaps culture” the public’s obsession Sewell. I see this as a problem for necessarily a bad thing, but it have been better if the YBAs with art but its refusal to

‘The Visitation’ Mary, standing to the right ing’s action and with no obvi- of centre, greets her cousin ous narrative importance, he Maso da San Elizabeth, who kneels before is perhaps intended to guide Friano,1560 her. Maso shows Elizabeth’s the viewer from the earthly realisation that Mary is preg- world into the spiritual; his Trinity Hall Chapel nant with Christ, just as she, hand gesture directing the who had been thought to be viewer to contemplate the Mannerism is the stylistic barren, is pregnant with John main narrative. phase between the High the Baptist. Behind Elizabeth The setting is intriguing. Renaissance and the Baroque. stands her husband, Whilst the hilly landscape of It constitutes a move away Zaccharias, his arms raised in the background is ambiguous, from the grand Classicism of astonishment. Above, the foreground architecture the High Renaissance toward a between two putti carrying appears to be inspired by con- more elegant, refined pictorial garlands, an angel scatters temporary Florentine archi- style. roses, a Marian image. tecture. The classical, Doric The Visitation shows a charac- Originally Mary’s cloak was columns in the left foreground teristically Mannerist endeavour blue and not grey but the are reminiscent of

ound to depict spiritual intensity. smalt used in the pigment has Brunelleschi’s architecture at Forms become less tangible and changed over the course of the Medici church of San clearly defined as greater atten- time and the original vibrant Lorenzo in Florence. tion is paid to colour and emo- colour has faded. The altarpiece was painted tional intensity, achieved There is a clearly visible for the chapel of the de’Pesci through the eye contact and pentiment in the face of the family in the church of S. Pier gestures of the two central fig- angel hovering above Mary Maggiore, Florence. Since ures, Mary and Elizabeth. The and scattering roses. This is a 1955 the painting has been on influence of the great result of Maso da San Friano’s loan to the chapel of Trinity Mannerists Pontormo and (1536-1571) decision to Hall. Andrea del Sarto is visible in the change the direction in which refined, elongated hands and the angel looks down. What Each week we highlight an delicate faces of the two central appears initially to be a beg- object of aesthetic interest in women in particular. Their gar, sits in the foreground, Cambridge.

FITZWILLIAM MUSEUM serenity and grace is characeris- observing the scene. Separated Send suggestions to The Visitation by Maso da san Friano in 1560 tic of the Mannerist ideal. by a column from the paint- [email protected] Art Ar Cambridge 18 Varsity Arts 04.11.05 “Extraordinary vivacity, eagerness and truth”

The play depicts the brutal tressed mother who refuses to ly and the very essence of Annabel Trew effects of wartime profiteer- accept her son’s death, is an what built the post-war ing, as accusations are made excruciatingly hard part to American Dream painfully dis- tells Varsity her against the father’s (Joe play, as it would be too easy integrate, you leave the the- Keller) factory that he and his just to dissolve into an incom- atre feeling like you have been impression of partner knowingly shipped prehensible hysterical wreck. punched in the stomach. I out cracked aeroplane cylin- However Helen Longfils must admit, this is the first All My Sons at der-heads to 2nd world war proved that a sensitive, subtle play that I have ever cried in, pilots, consequently killing 21 and exquisitely poignant por- and I was not the only embar- Pembroke men. Adding to the family dis- trayal of the character was rassed person hastily wiping tress is the death of the son, possible. Her brief monologue away a tear. I wish I could have to confess I worried Larry, although the mother describing the haunting dream praise all the cast members by about reviewing this play. I stubbornly refuses to she has of her son’s death was name, as each one bought to Iam not a fan of Arthur acknowledge this. Through breathtaking. Equally, Gus their individual parts an Miller, and All My Sons was the course of the play this Wight’s extraordinary and extraordinary vivacity, eager- my least favourite of Arthur complex knot of lies unravels, seemingly relentless energy, as ness and more importantly Miller’s plays, that is, until as there are more and more Chris Keller, Larry’s brother truth which sculptured this Wednesday night. I know that horrifying revelations that gripped and shocked the audi- tragedy into, what I consider, the objective of a Theatre critic threaten to destroy the seem- ence. Even the nine year old one of the most successfully is to congratulate and criticise, ingly perfect Keller Family. Henry Kingsmill (Bert) contin- directed and performed plays I but frankly I can only fulfil half I cannot name one weak ued the cast’s faultless pace of have ever seen in Cambridge. of that criteria in this case. character, I cannot name one delivery and impeccable sense People, please, go and watch it. Alex Dawson’s production of weak moment - in fact I am of timing. this play that shatters the 2nd struggling to find anything at After being dragged through Pembroke New Cellars, World War American Dream, all negative about the per- a maze of different emotions, 7.30pm, until Saturday 5th Tabitha Becker-Kahn and Tim Smith-Laing was quite simply flawless. formance. Kate Keller, the dis- as you watch this model fami- November, £5

This is what the play is essential- ery is spot on throughout. Casi climax Ibsen’s writing peaks to a Eva Augustyn ly about. The strong characters Dylan as Jørgen’s Aunt Julia height of brilliance which chal- reviews Hedda mercilessly crush the weak, only brings charm and sensitivity to the lenges the actors who make a solid to discover they too are vulner- stage, and together they establish effort to reach it. Wild Honey Gabler at the able to the stratagems of others: an atmosphere of nervous opti- The direction by Ellie Decamp Corpus from start to finish the stage mism for Hedda to shatter. And and Bella Watts has been confi- Tom Royston ponders Chekhov

sears with the sinister desire for shatter she does. The part of dently applied to every last detail DERRINGER MICHAEL & FLETCHER HANNAH Playroom control and the fluctuating Hedda Tesman seems to have without being obtrusive. Their dynamic between characters. been written for Anna O’Grady. attentiveness enables us to sit back his production of Will Irwin is well cast as Jørgen High praise indeed but her more comfortably with a feeling of Hedda Gabler is Tesman: his physicality and deliv- entrance completely halts the pace real aesthetic satisfaction. Tbold, slick and and tone of the precedent action. The lighting is sufficient, the cohesive. Ibsen’s O’Grady’s glances and quips are selection of music sensitive, Gabler exquisitely crafted play caustic and electric. Vivienne though perhaps not used to its full tells the story of Dr. Storry executes every moment of potential. However the produc- Jørgen and Hedda her character’s anxiety with per- tion makes a simply stylish use of Tesman (née Gabler), fection. Disconcertingly, you can- the challenging space of the recently returned from not help but be seduced by Harry Playroom. their honeymoon. Into Adamson’s voice although there This is a competitive week in their new house stum- are moments between his charac- Cambridge student theatre with a ble and stride the other ter and Hedda where their chem- number of very good productions characters, tentatively, istry falters a little. However Andy all vying for your attention. Be lovingly, threateningly. Wimbush, playing the other of sure not to miss this one. Hedda cries out “for Hedda’s past admirers, Løvborg,

Hedda once in my life I want rescues the onstage chemistry and Corpus Christi Playroom, 7pm, to control another brings an engrossing strain of the £5.50/4, until Saturday 5th human being’s fate”. Anna O’Grady as Hedda tragic to the action. At the play’s November

Martha Spurrier and Simon Evans frolic ome sort of stunt mous- was to be overheard asking “why reviews tache. An exploding are they sitting on the floor?” dur- album Ssamovar. The tragedy of ing a scene in the garden. failed ambition. Kissing and Sam Kitchener as harrumphing evolvers. All week, this is how the Colonel Triletsky is great fun, Bearsuit ADC has been celebrating its although he is basically reprising The Crimea 150th birthday. General Melchett off of Team Ping Pong Wild Honey is the story of a Blackadder. Ellena Spyrides has an Tragedy Rocks ##### ##### provincial clique of Russian no- excellent bit part as the repressed marks, bored into mutual infideli- student Mariya Yefimovna. None Sam Blatherwick ty by the Russian steppe. The cen- of the cast are less than good. You’re five years-old and writ- have a ‘discussion’. tral character, Platonov, once Benjamin Deery, not only the lead ing yet another story at The album is rich in aspired to greater things, but has, but also this year’s president of the school. The only adjective whirling strings, tinkling rocking out and next we’re a failure, ended up with the hum- ADC, makes an interesting choice that frequently and incessant- piano and hushed backing chilling out and then we’re ble life of a village schoolmaster. for Platonov. ly appears in your inch high, vocals. They move from ‘get on a rollercoaster and Still remembering that once, he Mr Deery is a markedly attrac- well spaced out scrawl, much your lighter out’ ballads to screaming in pure white “went to Moscow”, he is trying to tive and doubtlessly successful to the annoyance of your ‘where’s my pogo stick?’ fear and then I’m waving to understand - “Why do we never man. But Platonov, despite being teacher is ‘nice’. Apparently I bouncing tunes. It is pure a passing cosmonaut up lead the lives we know it is in us attractive enough to bed provin- have yet to progress. On first and perfect soft indie pop, on this cloud. Bearsuit are to lead?” - where it all went cial widows by the dozen, is a listen to Tragedy Rocks, nice, but with a twist. Their lyrics what Black Flag would wrong. consummate failure in life on his nice, nice, much to my are firmly placed at the have been if they’d grown Michael Frayn, who adapted terms and crucially, he does not annoyance, never mind my deep, dark end of the In another life Bearsuit are up on Belle and Sebastian. the play from an early - relatively even know why. Some inspired teacher’s, was the only word melancholy spectrum but, churning out bizarre Kids Bearsuit are what obscure - Chekhov work, is an old direction brings this out at floating around my head. But, don’t go reaching for your TV – in this life they’re Basement Jaxx would have ADC man. He is just one of the moments. The rest of the cast The Crimea had tricked me. Prozac prescription just yet. making collages out of pop been if they’d grown up on ADC’s star alumni expected to be freeze on stage and we wait for Now they’re the ones who are The album simply does not history. Their control over Blur. They’re hardcore popping back to watch Wild Platonov to speak to us. But he five years-old and writing the get you down. It is rich in Jacqui making perfect pop indie-pop, they’re nu-pop- Honey this week. So with this has nothing to say. There is no story. They illustrate it with effortlessly catchy hooks moments is immaculate, core, they’re obsessed with anniversary “showcase of talent”, internal monologue. He simply happy images, but the black and choruses. Each song on their lyrics: absurd, psy- pop cultures’ ideas about Cambridge theatre nods to its stumbles around. crayon is welded firmly to the album has a familiar ring chedelic – avant-garde space, they’re obsessed illustrious past, while Cambridge Perhaps it’s more failure in life their fingers. They refuse to to it and, while being musi- indie-pop? What are those with Japan. They’re from actors can wink out into the that Deery and his director need. T

consider using colours and cally multi-layered the edd SOUNDS? Why does this Norfolk. They’re the long august audience their hopes of an Perhaps it’s something else. But when their teacher gets round arrangement never takes record sound like every lost musical brother of Dr illustrious future. Consequently whatever the reasons, we are to marking the story she finds away from Davey pop formula re-written? Who. The soundtrack of there is little sign of the hurried shown, through most of the 150 something sinister and imme- MacManus’ wavering Why are the vocals so per- every hyper-active cartoon production values which afflict minutes, the intentional tantrums diately calls in their parents to vocals. Their schoolwork fect? Why does singing ‘la you’ve ever watched with too many Cambridge student pro- of a little boy too egocentric to may have resulted in par- la la’ sound so profound? the sound turned down. ductions as hacks dash from show understand the feelings of others, ents worryingly clucking Why don’t more people Are they happy or are they to show. not the panicked over-shoulder about their disturbed behav- make records like this? Is sad? I’m happy to let you Technically this production is glances of a man who doesn’t iour, but their musical work twee an insult or do people decide. I’m sad it’s all over excellent. Mark Dodwell’s sounds really appreciate he is already presents a battle of seem- embrace it? The dynamics in just 25 minutes. and Tom White and Flora Joll’s dead. Take Platonov’s death under ingly opposing forces in in this record are ridicu- lighting are of a superior class. a train at the curtain-fall. In this which the only winner is us, lous! One minute we’re Props and costumes are generally production, he’s clearly a glum the listener. good. Sparse sets avoid losing suicide. But I think Frayn under- pace with lengthy changes, stood that life’s steam trains are although at times they were so even sadder when you don’t www.bearsuit.co.uk sparse that an audience member know they’re coming for you. 04.11.05 Arts Varsity 19 Venue Guide: the essential events of the next seven days King’s Cellars Where is it? Guaranteed to get you dancing Um, King’s. You know, the one and feeling ever so slightly with the chapel. Through the debauched. Oh, and it’s cheap bar, left, then descend the too. stairs to the heaving mass below. What goes on? While it does still hold its clas- Why King’s Cellars? sic drum and bass nights, the Dead Funny Tape It’s one of the most fabled and cellar has branched out and theatre celebrated college venues in now offers grime, reggae, elec- An exhilarating, award- Stephen Belber’s three- Cambridge and is currently tro, indie, funk, everything. All winning custard-pie hander set in a motel undergoing a renaissance. The you can be certain of is that it Hair tragedy from Terry room about a violent sex- music’s always great, it attracts will be cool, danceable and The rock musical which an unusually good-looking definitely NOT cheese. It’s also Johnson, author of The ual encounter captured crowd and is the perfect anti- one of the best places to hear challenged the bound- Graduate and Hitchcock on video (adapted into a dote to all those shameful up-and-coming student DJ’s. aries of musical theatre Blonde, pushing the fron- film by Richard Linklater Wednesday night Cindy’s trips. Although it varies from week to when it was first per- Its sweaty walls, sticky floors week, the cellars usually open tiers of farce into areas of in 2001). and dirty-red interior more than on Friday and Saturday from formed in the late 60s. real pain. compensate for the Starbucks 9:30 to 12:30. Get there early aesthetic of King’s redecorated as it always fills up. Usually £1 ADC, 7.45pm, Sat matinee Corpus Christi Playroom, 7pm, Caius Bateman Auditorium, bar and it should soon have its King’s £2 non-King’s. 2.30pm, Tuesday 8th until Satur- Tuesday 8th until Saturday 12th 8pm, Wednesday 9th until Satur- own bar again anyway. day 12th November, £6-9 November, £5.50/4 day 12th November, £4-5 book now: of the

film & music Ghost in the Blind Beast Shell: Innocence (Moju) Jerry Springer:The Falstaff and Alcina Britten Sinfonia Spectacular sequel, Sleazy melodrama from Opera Verdi (above) and Handel, Expect an angry mob of evan- both sung in English, from the heavily influenced by Yasuzo Masumura, one gelical Christians (and under- English Touring Opera. Works by Tippett, Blade Runner and of the most remarkable cover Varsty reporters) out- Beethoven, and Debussy, Neuromancer, to one of products of the Japanese side the venue when this criti- cally-acclaimed comedy as part of the Tippett the defining works of New Wave of the sixties. comes to Cambridge on its Festival. Japanese sci-fi anima- national tour. tion. Corn Exchange Cambridge Arts Theatre West Road Concert Hall, Arts Picturehouse, Robinson, Thursday 10th November £5 from Friday 3rd November 9pm 10th-15th April 2006 22-26th November Pick Week Martha & When I was 21 Nicholas Serota Mathilda Director of Tate celebrate good times In what year were you 21? 1967 What were you doing? Studying History Celebration is a musical number. comedy and love songs to allows some scope for a bit of of Art Part II at Cambridge and sneaking a It is a song, but mostly it is Nixon strung together discon- theatrical controversy. By set- trip to Italy to see Piero della Francesca. (from Wikipedia, the free tented winters, sections from ting examples of all that the online encyclopedia): Oleanna, original writing and ADC has to offer in one show, Where did you live? I was at Christ’s, but Celebration (party) – performance poetry. With a new every night, the audience living out of college in a room at 58 a joyous observation on the fresh bouquet of performers have the privilege of viewing a Victoria Park rented from witty mousta- occasion of either something and pieces every night this one-night only special which is chio’d illustrator John Holder and his wife joyful that is happening or has week, Celebration is a variety drama in its rawest form. just happened (a birth, having show the like of which is These are not necessarily Heather. The house, conceived by got a better or own home, rarely seen outside the con- pieces that are not polished or Heather, was painted red, with lace cur- being released from hospital, fines (hospital, prison, et al.) of well-acted, that is not what I tains and Peter Blake screenprints and prison, kidnapping); or com- a Smoker – each new act is meant by raw, but they are David Hockney etchings from the Cavafy memorating something joyous enjoyed independently of all pieces which have sprung from series. It all felt very close to Sargent What did you hope to be? I had no idea. that happened in the past, e.g.: the others which surround it. individuals. Every time an Pepper. birthday if the person is still Indeed, amongst mono- and actor steps onstage they are What was the most rebellious thing you alive, wedding if the partners dialogues some of the each is his or her own director, What was your favourite outfit? A three did? My parents were remarkably liberal are still together, a country Footlights’ suspect regulars with a particular style and/or piece brown corduroy suit and white and gave me few opportunities to rebel, becoming independent or lib- made an appearance, a rare talent to share with the audi- even vacating the house for parties. erated, if this is still the case. thing in the same lineup as ence. Inevitably, there will be cheesecloth shirt. Sumptuous – a definition ‘serious’, or even non-serious, items that each individual What are you ashamed of having done? that holds true in more than drama. Herein lies the success audience member prefers over Who was your best friend? My girlfriend, its red terror undertones of such a four-night forum: it others – it is the nature of who was studying at Oxford (then, as now, Dropping girls before they had a chance to (wikipedia.com) - the ADC preference, Eve, apple, deal – a terrible journey by bus). drop me. proves that it is very much but this is an opportunity for kicking with a showcase of these acts to break out of the What was your most prized possession? What were your illegal activities? past and present Cambridge audience and genre boundaries My Rotring drawing pen. But I dreamed of Cannabis. performers (although obvious- that they are normally trapped owning an International fourteen-foot sail- ly all still alive). In this, the THE ADC within and hold an audience “ ing dinghy, an amazingly sleek boat What did you believe in? The possibility joyous birthday week of the PROVES THAT captive for a very short while. of a better world (naively, I still do). ADC, I am glad that the Hoop IT IS VERY Hence the delicious irony of designed by Uffa Fox. Hotel burned to the ground: it the situation – in this most fulfils the relocation section, of MUCH institution-celebrating of Who were your heroes? Martin Luther What was your most political action? the free online definition, KICKING WITH weeks, that institution breaks King, JF Kennedy, who had been assassi- Regular Ban the Bomb marches from admirably.All this is beginning A SHOWCASE its own normal parameters nated in 1963, and the artist Richard Aldermaston (the nuclear research centre to sound, oddly like a rhyme, OF PAST AND with a slightly indefinable Hamilton, whose work I first saw at an near Reading) every Easter from 1961. however, it was a musical note show. Tonight, or tomorrow, or exhibition in 1964. which I began with and with PRESENT tomorrow it will not have a What do you wish you had known then which I intend to end (promise musical note, it might be CAMBRIDGE What did you keep secret from your par- that you know now? How to enjoy food. not binding). cabaret, it might not. It is a We seemed to survive on baked beans It was a musical refrain PERFORMERS sign that the ADC is still ‘hap- ents? My decision to study Art History taken up by the first night: cats pening’, despite being 150 and rather than Economics for Part II (I didn’t and cheese on toast. These were the days sneezing in time to Brahms, technically a gerry, though tell them until well after I had made the when even a pizza was exotic. meticulously conducted you’d never say it to their change). Emily Stokes orchestral sketches, rounds of ” facelift. 20 Varsity Advertisement 04.11.05 Careers Service

Wednesday 9 November Thursday 10 November 12.30–6.00 pm •Over 80 organisations attending •40 firms offering internships •8000 graduate vacancies

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Improv Takeover! Gate 13 Lady Salsa Improvised comedy show. Student writing based in an air- Red-hot rumba, mambo, cha-cha, ADC, 11pm, £3-£4, Tuesday 8th November port lounge. Macarena and sensational salsa. Camera Obscura Corpus Christi Playroom, 9.30pm, £5/£4, Cambridge Arts Theatre, various times and New student writing (winner of Tuesday 8th until Saturday 12th November prices, until Saturday 5th November the Other Prize 2005) about All My Sons Tape secrets and surveillance. Arthur Miller’s deconstruction of Tense drama fuelled by violence, ADC, 11pm, £3-£5, until Saturday 5th November the American way of life. resentment and a fierce sexual Wild Honey Hedda Gabler Pembroke New Cellars, 7.30pm, £5, until rivalry. The story of one woman’s strug- Saturday 5th November Caius Bateman Auditorium, 8pm, £4-5,

stage Michael Frayn's funny yet Wednesday 9th until Saturday 12th November poignant adaptation of Chekhov. gle wth life, by Henrik Ibsen. Relatively Speaking Corpus Christi Playroom, 7pm, £4/£5.50, until Alan Ayckbourn’s heady comedy ADC, 7.45pm, £5-£8, until Saturday 5th Clare Summerskill Saturday 5th November of confusion and crossed wires. November Acts Her Age! Dave King Queen’s Fitzpatrick Hall Theatre, 7.30pm, A mixture of monologues, stand- Celebration Orgy Tuesday 8th until Saturday 12th November Scenes and monologues by mem- up, comedy characters and “The most scandalous show of original songs. This glorious recent period of bers of the Amateur Dramatic the term.” Gardi’s The Opera The long awaited student-written ARU Mumford Theatre, 7.30pm, £8/£6, Friday Club, past and present. Corpus Christi Playroom, 9.30pm, £5.50/£4, winter warmth has turned me musical. 4th November ADC, 11pm, £3-£5, until Saturday 5th November until Saturday 5th November into a regular pagan sun wor- Queen’s Fitzpatrick Hall Theatre, 11pm, £6.50/£5, shipper, and nothing goes with Hair Dead Funny Wednesday 9th until Saturday 12th November a bit of sun worship like a good Iconic rock musical. Black comedy about comedy and The Woman in Black boogie. So this week I’m rec- ADC, 7.45pm, Saturday matinee 2.30pm, £6-9, the people who watch it. West End thriller. ommending some stuff to get Tuesday 8th until Saturday 12th November Corpus Christi Playroom, 7pm, £5.50/£4, Cambridge Arts Theatre, various times and your feet moving before the Tuesday 8th until Saturday 12th November prices, Monday 7th until Saturday 12th November depressing icy winds return. On Friday head down to Clare Cellars for UK hip hop with Yungun & Mr Thing. Yungun Arts Picturehouse Le Grand Voyage (PG) Le Grand Voyage (PG) The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (U) has such a good flow and 19:00 14:15, 19:00 21:15 bouncy upbeat rhymes it’s Friday 4 November: Primer (12A) The Beat That My Heart Skipped (15) Battle in Heaven (18) 22:50 13:40, 18:20, 20:40 Wednesday 9 November easy to see why he is thought 13:30, 18:10 The Beat That My Heart Skipped (15) Battle in Heaven (18) of as one of the best MCs on Broken Flowers (15) 13:40, 18:20, 20:40 13:30, 18:10 12:00, 16:40, 21:00 Broken Flowers (15) the scene. So obey his com- Corpse Bride (PG) Sunday 6 November: 16:40, 21:00 mand and “put on your 12:10, 16:30 Battle in Heaven (18) Corpse Bride (PG)

een DIG! (15) 13:30, 18:10 12:10, 16:30 dancing shoes cos it’s a 22:40 Broken Flowers (15) Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (15) chance to groove…”. If that’s Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (15) 16:45, 21:00 15:45, 20:30 15:45, 20:30, 23:00 Corpse Bride (PG) Le Grand Voyage (PG) not your thing the always reli- Le Grand Voyage (PG) 12:10, 16:30 11:00, 14:15, 19:00 able Indie In D Bar at Emma is 14:15, 19:00 Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (15) The Beat That My Heart Skipped (15) Primer (12A) 15:45, 20:30 13:40, 18:20, 20:40 an option for semi-alternative 22:50 Le Grand Voyage (PG) Zoolander (12A) grooving, cheap drinks and The Beat That My Heart Skipped (15) 19:00 11:00 13:40, 18:20, 20:40 The Beat That My Heart Skipped (15) friendly vibes. Cool Kids Can’t scr 13:40, 18:20, 20:40 Tuesday 8 November: Thursday 10th November Die also makes its return at the Saturday 5 November: The Last Mitterrand (PG) Battle in Heaven (18) Battle in Heaven (18) Battle in Heaven (18) 12:00 13:30, 18:10 13:30, 18:10 Cow on Friday. 13:30, 18:10 The Wife of Seisaku Hanaoka (n/c) Broken Flowers (15) Broken Flowers (15) Award winning rapper and crit- Blind Beast (n/c) 15:00 17:00, 20:30 12:00, 21:10 15:00 Corpse Bride (PG) Corpse Bride (PG): ically acclaimed leader of Broken Flowers (15) Monday 7 November 12:10, 16:30 12:10, 16:30 grime, Dizzee Rascal and his 12:00, 16:40, 21:00 Battle in Heaven (18) Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (15) Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (15) Corpse Bride (PG) 13:30, 18:10 15:45 Silver Screen crew will be bringing their dis- 12:10, 16:30 Broken Flowers (15) Le Grand Voyage (PG) 15:45, 20:30 tinctive grimey thump to the DIG! (15) 12:00, 16:40, 21:00 15:10 Good Bye, Lenin! (15) 22:40 Corpse Bride (PG) Noi Albinoi (15) 17:00 adoring masses at the Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (15) 12:10, 16:30 13:30 Le Grand Voyage (PG) Junction on Saturday. Most 15:45, 20:30, 23:00 Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (15) The Beat That My Heart Skipped (15) 14:15, 19:10 Herbie: Fully Loaded (U) 15:45, 20:30 13:40, 18:20, 20:40 The Beat That My Heart Skipped (15) people seem to love him or 11:00 13:40, 18:20, 20:40 hate him, a real Marmite artist, unlike Athlete (at the Corn Exchange on Saturday) whose mild indie-pop is offensive only Ways of Living Coveney: Island The Antarctic in its total inoffensiveness. Contemporary sculpture from four Identity in the Fens Photographs of Still, at least they’re better internationally renowned artists. than Starsailor (at the same Each exhibit explores the relation- and Currency in Africa Herbert Ponting ship between art and life. Two of several small exhibitions in Photographs taken from the original venue on Monday), whose the Andrews exhibition gallery that negatives of the intrepid photogra- moany dirges I find utterly Kettle’s Yard, free entry, 1st October until 20th November explore the extensive reserve col- pher who accompanied Scott's depressing. Far better to go lections of the museum. expedition to the Antarctic in 1910- see power pop band The Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology, 1914 (right). Posies at the Junction. To sate Cambridge free entry, 19th September Until 1st December Scott-Polar Research Institute, free entry, 1st your taste for cultural world Illuminations September until 31st March 2006 music this week you can The largest and most comprehen- The Real Madagascar sive exhibition of illuminated An exploration of the flora and Life, ritual and choose from some East manuscripts including ten cen- fauna of the strange island of European Klezmer at the turies’ worth from Cambridge Madagascar, from pre-history to immortality: Eating Junction on Sunday and the collections. the present day (right). and Drinking in China Sri Lanka Society’s Arrack Fitzwilliam Museum, free entry, 26th July until Museum of Zoology, free entry, 19th July until Special display of Chinese bronze, and Baila night at Trinity Hall 11th December 24th December jade and ceramic vessels used for on Monday. Finally music afi- rituals and daily life cionados should check out Drawn to Africa Fitzwilliam Museum, 4th October - 3rd January Radio 1’s Zane Lowe at the Workshops including African 2006, free entry Junction on Thursday, and the fabric painting, Sona sand draw- NME-rated indie-rock act Boy ing, Kente cloths and African Indigo dye drawing.

Kill Boy at the Soul Tree on exhibitions Wednesday. Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology, selected dates throughout October and November, free

Cool Kids Can’t Die Dizee Rascal Shekoykh Taurpis Tula Truant Club Goo Arab Strap filthy electro, raucous a dance to the music of klezmer mayhem astonishingly good UK hip hop with Boy Kill Boy, brilliant Scottish garage rock and right- grime 7pm £7 drone-psych-folk, one 9-2 £3 Vatican DC and despair-folk duo eous fempop 10-2:30 £12 The Junction of the most exciting The Soul Tree Fortune Drive £9 8-12 8-11 free The Junction gigs of the year 8-2 £4 APU The Cow Acoustic Soul Sunday 8pm £5 The Calling The Soul Tree Athlete can it ever to be as CB2 ‘gothic, industrial, EBM Zane Lowe Def Fly and Real however much Chris good as Songs in the and 80s’ Funk da Bar the Westwood of indie Old Etonian rapper Martin does for the Dark? Nice Up the 11-2 £4 you love this arrives on his uni tour Yungun represents third world, it won’t 8pm £3 Shakedown The Kambar 8-12 £3 10-2 £8.59 9-1 £4 make up for the exis- Clowns funk, soul, hip hop, Emma bar The Junction Clare Cellars tence of this band reggae, dancehall, Top Banana 7:30pm sold out Acoustic open mic d’n’b, breaks CUSU’s weekly Diamorphine International Student Indie In D Bar The Corn Exchange degrading 9-2 £1 before 11, £2.50 fruit-market with support from Night if the NME is your 9pm free after 9-2 £4 NUS Mutiny and Heist na zdravje! Bible, this is your The Once Over Twice CB2 The Kambar Ballare 8-12 £4 9-2 £4 church with suport from the The Portland Arms Ballare 8-12 £3 Resistance Sunday Roast Starsailor Unique Emma Bar 8pm £5 the weekend stops big pimpin’ from the LBG night Rumboogie Urbanite The Portland Arms here, and so does your crunk lords 9:30-1 slit your wrists first no country folk allowed Miss Black America dignity 7:30pm £16:50 £4 9-2 £4 9-2 £3 the singer and bassist 9-1 £4 The Corn Exchange Ballare The Soul Tree met at a drum’n’bass Life night at the Junction The Posies 8pm £4 DIY pop from Seattle Man on the Moon 7pm £10 fri sat sun monThe Junction tue wed thu YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO GOING OUT IN CAMBRIDGE 22 Varsity Advertisement 04.11.05 04.11.05 Advertisement Varsity 23

Cambridge University Engineering Society presents its annual Engineering and Technology Careers and Recruitment Fair Tuesday, November 15th could you take control? At the Guildhall, Market Square activism interviewed Jess Holland Salman Rushdie, Guy Ritchie, David Adjaye, on reforming Malcolm Purkey, Gary Younge, Emma 1pm – 6pm editorstudent politics Thompson, Sugababes, David Gower INCLUDING APU

www.varsity.co.uk No. 621 Companies Attending Include: Friday September 30, 2005 Are you the The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 ACCESS: THE BLAME GAMEProse Bluesci: Out Now New writing from Obesity epidemic? A year before the introduction of top-up fees of up to £3000Helen Oyeyemi Bluesci weighs in on the debate. who is responsible for the access problem? Varsity’s science magazine.

If coherent academic aptitude and RE-LAUNCHED AND The quality RofE- teachers,DESIGNED the State trianing are the proper criteria for design of the curriculum, the 40 PAGE FULL COLOUR EDITION next stage Schools admissions then why do most introduction of AS Levels, Blamed by: Senior University state schools so comprehensively modulisation,www.varsity.co.uk all have an fellows and Independent fail to foster them? effect No. 622 Friday October 7th, 2005 Schools. Cambridge Dr John Lonsdale University Senior Fellow Trinity College The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Conservative Party

The university There is a massive gap Oxbridge schemes Cambridge just doesn’t between Cambridge’s public only target WOMAN CHARGED IN STUDENT ATTACK Blamed by the Government, get it policy and admissions poli- extremes CUSU, State School cies Headteaches, Cambridge“ Laura Walsh Carol Horseman CUSU President Hatlepool Sixth Form ” University Labour Club, Headteacher ATTEMPTED MURDER College in our 58- Cambridge University Lancashire Luberal Democrats. “ The heart of the problem I suggest that you I am very disapointed by Government lies in the relentless dumb- begin by asking the figures. Many state Local MP David Howarth, ing down and impoverish- Mr Blair school pupils are worried CUSU, Senior University fig- about the percieved costs ures, the political opposition ment of the the state sector “ Dr Peter Linehan of coming here and the Institute of ” Chris Padfield Dean of St John’s Continuing Education. Institution of Continuing Education Prof Patrick Bateson year success “ Ex-Provost Literatureof King’s College Marc Quinn to shoulder school pupils recruited to General Secretary of the sector... you should be asking College. Yet Sir Peter Lampl, (a other than bewilderment and Refusalthe blame Cambridge has declined is wor- Independent Schools Council how state schools can produceThe governmentbooks advisor that on widen- arefrustrationThe at the infamous recent fig- for the serious under represen- rying, but the real worry is that said of Oxbridge that “all the candidates worthy of admis- ing participation and chairman ures, telling Varsity “These no one seems able to explain evidence is that universities sion to Cambridge, rather than of the Sutton Trust) is quoted issues are utterly maddening tation of state school students bound to becomeAlethea FosterYBA giving a lecturediscusses why, nor to accept responsibili- are putting their academic rep- asking how Cambridge can be saying that “it looks like a lot for all involved.” John Foster outside Court on appears to have become an to the Annual Diabetic Foot Wednesday institutional norm. Recently ty for this statistic. The root of utations first and recruiting forced to modify its high stan- of the good work that has ConferenceContinued during on July page 2005. 15 published higher education this problem lies in one of three the best candidates.” The dards,” a sentiment concurred beenfuture done over theclassics past few art and life league tables make depressing“factors: University defended itself with by the headmasters of years is being reversed.” Chris MINISTER FOR HIGHER EDUCATION” reading for the Government, but against all charges made by independent schools St Paul’s, Padfield suggested that it is Bill Rammell >>page13 also for the Universities and I CAMBRIDGE IS detailing the enormous Oakham College and Eton impossible to express anything Schools who have channelled RESPONDING TO GOVERN- amount of work carried out by colossal amounts of time, MENT INITIATIVES WITH both CUSU and the money and energy into reform- NOTHING MORE THAN LIP Admissions Office. Many ing the university admissions SERVICE. Cambridge academics Black History Month Feature system. Falling 18.4 per cent explained to Varsity that the behind HESA (Higher Education I STATEwww.varsity.co.uk SCHOOLS ARE “abysmal quality” of parts of Statistics Agency) benchmarks for NOT No.ADEQUATELY 622 the state system mean that a state school recruits and drop- EQUIPPED TO PROVIDE greater degree of equality can- You can’t have a functioning multi- story? ping from 57.6 per cent to 56.9 FOR FridayTHESE OctoberINITIATIVES. 14, 2005not be achieved without dras- per cent in their numbers, tically lowering academic stan- racial society working from a Cambridge appears out of sync I THESE GOVERNMENT dards. Professor Bayley argued Alethea FosterThe picturedIndependent at an CambridgeExclusive Student images Newspaper taken minutes since after 1947 Alethea Foster’s alleged attack upon Julie Simpson. Due to the nature of allegations, certain parts of Alethea Foster being escorted with a country in which only 7 INITIATIVES ARE FUNDA- that “everybody knows the awards ceremony in 2004 with the image have been pixellated to ensure a fair trial. to a police van on Monday per cent of students attend inde- MENTALLY INEFFECTIVE. core of the problem lies in the mono-racial understandingher husband ofJohn its pendent schools. relentless dumbing down and That the number of state Jonathan Shepherd, the impoverishment of the state past says Gary Younge >>page17 FOSTER APPEARS IN COURTWorld renowned academic and motherBlock ofbuster two Burton Returns Benj Seidler on theOne perfect week shave on: >11 AletheaJon FosterSwaine, toInternal face jury Affairs trial >14 for Hareattempted & Hounds picturedmurderrun wild of student >29 minutes after her alleged attack upon a student At trial Foster’s intent will be a Rachel Whiteread How Beetlejuice, Batman Rachel Divall matter left to the jury. They will be Varsity advisedNews toTeam take into account fac- which took place at 2.15pm. At 2.25pm a There was a slight delay before help was Students have been given strict instruc- gets cubic at andAlethea Big FishFoster LchangedIFE & CAREER lethea Foster, the academ- tors relating to evidence of calcu- first-year student leant out of a top-floor available, attributed to the fact that the tions not to talk to the national press. ic accused of attempting61-year-oldlated planning, woman the hasselection been and window screaming, “You’ve got to get room containing Simpson and her Varsity has also been inundated with calls to murder a studentA atchargeduse ofwith any the weapon,attempted and mur- any help, someone’s being stabbed, I can’t get attacker was apparently locked. The Tatefor information Modern and requests for photo-theL ives:worldWarren Street, forever Bromley, Kent A der of a Lucy Cavendish mature any signal on my phone”. A second stu- porters, allegedly both new to the col- graphs as knowledge spread that Varsity Lucy Cavendish College on threats made prior to or during Family: Married to John Foster, two chil- October 3, has appearedstudent. in Onthe Monday attack. afternoon,Should the under- jury feel dent told of how she heard “around a lege, also encountered difficulties in was the only publication in possession of dren, Julien, 34 and William, 31 Cambridge Crown Courtgraduate for a Historythat there student is inadequate Julie Simpson, evidence minute of screaming.” Those outside the entering the building without the photographs of the suspect immediately 2004: Retired as Lead Clinical Specialist Podiatrist, Diabetic foot clinic, King’s College preliminary hearing of the44, case. is allegedit will to have be left been open very to themseriously to find building wereMark initially Watson “completely required swipe card. after her arrest. The national press, some injured by retired award-winning podia- frozen”, but after a brief pause three first- Police and ambulances arrived soon college students and Simpson’s neigh- Hospital. The assault, which took place last Foster guilty on a less serious >>page14 2003: Invited to 10 Downing Street by the Tuesday at 2.25pm, left tristvictim Aletheacount. Foster, of Bromley, Kent. year students ran to get help in the after and managed to disarm the suspect. bours in Kent have all implied, however, Simpson was attacked with a kitchen Porters’ Lodge. A student who was inside She was taken directly to the police sta- that she was romantically involved with Prime Minister 'in recognition of the role of Julie Simpson, 44, fighting for her Foster will be free to raise the the Allied Healthcare Professions within the life after suffering stab woundsknife toin herdefence bedroom of in college“provocation” residence or the building describedwww.varsity.co.uk how she had ini- tion and appeared in court on John Foster, the suspect’s husband. NHS'. her face, chest and hands. Warburtondiminished Hall. A medical responsibility, student thewho suc- tially put the shouting down to “some- Wednesday night, where she spoke only According to college members, Simpson 1991-2001: Executive Committee of the The hearing, attended byspoke Varsity, to thecessful ambulance establishment crew learnedof either one larking around.”No. 624 She was immedi- to confirm her personal details. had signed in Foster as a guest an hour EASD Post-Graduate Study Group for the took place on Wednesday thatof this Simpsonbeing likelysustained to result irreparable in a more ately instructed by Maintenance employ- Simpson remains in Addenbrookes’ before the incident took place. Allegedly, Diabetic foot 1999: Won the M Viswanathan Gold Medal week. Foster arrived at courtinjuries in a to lenienther eye, sentence. four stabs in her arms ee, Kim Atterton,Friday to run October to the porters, 21, 2005as Hospital where she has been taken off the she had notified a porter that she was and a paralysing blow to the shoulder he was “trying to get the perpetrator to critical list but is still in a serious condition. expecting a guest at this time and had “in recognition of services to diabetes” police van under police protection. To successfully prove provoca- 1997: Won the Meritous Award of the She made no application forand bail chest tionarea. she Two will students have to showliving that on an put the knife down and was unable to The connection between the two asked him to telephone her when her vis- The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 the corridor are said to have witnessed phone the porter himself”. women has been the subject of huge itor arrived. Sometime before 1.30pm, Society of Chiropidists and Podiatrists and will remain in custody. Her act or series of acts caused in her 1996-7: Elected onto Chiropidists’ Board part of the attack. Those present at the scene have media interest over the past two days, Simpson arrived at the Porters’ Lodge and info & husband John Foster and two sons “a sudden and temporary loss of Publications: Managing the Diabetic Foot, A member of college described how described how the porters at first reacted with journalists from all major papers took Foster to her room, where it is were present in court. self-control” making her “for the 2005 “people were milling round on the lawn slowly. It is now thought that they did “swarming” over the Lucy Cavendish believed that the incident occurred. If found guilty, Foster will face a moment not master of her own A Practical Manual of Diabetic Foot Care, outside after the Matriculation photo”, not realise how serious the situation was. grounds in search of information. lengthy custodial sentence: under mind”. It is possible that she may 2003 (BMA Medical Book of the Year) English law an attempt carries wish to adduce evidence of with it the same penalty as that Simpson’s alleged affair with her attached to the full crime. SectionBenj husband,Seidler John Foster.on Kim JonesAll >13 the HoneysMary Bowers, Sudoku Meditations >17 Chris Eubank interviewed >39 4(1) of the Criminal Attempts Act Diminished responsibility >>page7 1981 states that a person charged would require proof that the with attempted murder will be defendant had suffered from “liable on conviction to imprison- “such abnormality of mind as sub- ment for life.” stantially impaired her mental However, the standard of proof responsibility for his acts and required to secure a conviction for omissions in doing the (attempt- The Foster’s home in Bromley, Kent John Foster outside Court on Wednesday application forms: attempted murder is extremely ed) killing”. This is a defence often high. Whilst it is possible to be used as an alternative to a plea of found guilty of murder despite only insanity, which carries with it the intending to cause grievous bodily risk of indefinite detention. harm, a conviction for attempted Although victim Julie Simpson murder will require unequivocal has been described by proof of an intention to kill. The Addenbrooke’s Hospital as being high evidential burden on the pros- “stable”, magistrates at the hear- ecution makes it a particularly diffi- ing were told that she remains in cult charge to sustain and the too serious a condition to be able Crown Prosecution Service guide- to give evidence or sign medical lines explicitly advise courts to con- forms. College Food sider whether a lesser charge might A provisional date for the trial “BURGLED”>>page10 be more appropriate. has been set as December 16. [email protected] Alethea Foster pictured minutes after her alleged attack University set to suffer under Cambridge welcomes Investigation Police report 61 thefts in 13 days - and almost all resulting from complacency new Charities Act overseas assessment To prove how easy it is to enter your rooms, Varsity simulates 61 more break-ins said that the method of assess- meddling. Professor AW Edwards News Reporter Jude Townend ment by RAE was not appropri- said: “In 1571 Cambridge was ate for Architecture, declaring Zoe Pilger granted exclusive use of its name. It he first reforms to charity law he University of Cambridge that the 2008 RAE assessments should be kept that way”. in 400 years could spell bad enthusiastically greeted would be the first time the begins a new Varsity spoke to Christopher Pratt, news for Cambridge colleges. Tannouncements that inter- department’s research will be T chair of the Cambridge Bursar’s assessed properly. The Physiology The proposals include the introduc- national judges will assess UK investigative Committee, who described the pro- tion of a “public benefit” require- universities in the Research department, also graded 4-star, posed reforms as “a nuisance” say- has been forced to merge with ment, meaning that all charities will Assessment Exercise (RAE) 2008. series that ing that making the requisite the Anatomy department after have to prove that their work is of The UK Higher Education fund- changes would mean “lots of extra ing bodies announced yesterday funding cuts as a result of the benefit to the general public. work and an awful lot of form fill- the names of the 50 internation- 2001 RAE. examines the It is still not clear what academic ing.” al and additional non-academic Professor Ian Leslie, Pro-Vice- institutions will have to do to satisfy The National Council for members scheduled to join the Chancellor for Research at the growing this obligation and at a meeting held Voluntary Organisations defended main 15 panels of the RAE to University of Cambridge, said: at Senate House earlier this week the Bill explaining it was meant to judge the standard of every active “We welcome the incorporation corporate academics raised some of their con- “level the playing field”. They reas- academic in the UK. of international expertise to cerns about the proposals. One judge the excellence of our sured Varsity that most organisations The significance of the RAE was influence within speaker described them as “an research, as befits a world class would be able to show a “public apparent after the the attack on Oxbridge colleges”. Architecture department faced university. We see this as being a benefit” without problem, saying Cambridge is currently an “exempt closure in November 2004 hav- benefit to the exercise as a whole the University “for Cambridge, the existence of charity”. But under new law it ing been given a 4-star rating in and wholly appropriate consider- access schemes will be a great help.” would have to be externally regu- 2001. ing the international profile of >>page 5 The Charity Commission hopes lated. Academics are concerned In January 2005 Head of our departments”. the law will come into force in about the possibility of outsider Department Professor Echenique See Editorial page 19. deadline: 2006. Mungo Woodifield is a loser >17 Was Yaqoob, Editors Interviewed >14 Sophie Pickford on broken bones>29

In four hours we managed to find we would have been able to walk John’s told Varsity that “the college News Team ways of gaining access to 61 more well inside houses without being regularly ran campaigns to raise properties in areas largely inhabited challenged and to access wallets and awareness amongst its students,” Exclusive political interview ambridge Police have report- by students. Over two days we dou- keys visisible close to doorways. but properties on St John’s Road ed a dramatic level of burgla- bled this number. All houses that Police figures indicate that student were amongst those that have expe- Cries over recent weeks. could have been burgled were left burglaries result in an average of rienced actual theft recently. Organised gangs of criminals are with a “You’ve been Targeted,” £1500 worth of theft. More worry- Their mood was matched by a George thought to be targeting Cambridge crime prevention flyer and a copy of ing, explained PC Carol Langton, is frustrated Porter at Sidney Sussex students at the beginning of the new Varsity. Varsity discovered a shocking the extent of the personal damage who lambasted students for not tak- Osborne academic year. According to City level of student complacency. that such theft can cause. Sergeant ing responsibility for their own secu- Centre Sergeant Marc Rycarte, most Our team pushed open unlatched Rycarte described victims of theft rity. He explained that “they’re discusses november 15th of the burglaries have resulted from windows and could have freely wan- who had lost dissertations and senti- always leaving their doors off the students leaving doors and windows dered in through unlocked front mentally valuable possessions as well latch…we make every effort to David insecure, open or unlocked. 61 bur- doors with astonishing ease in broad as those “seriously disturbed,” by the improve security, but we can only glaries reported in the 13 days daylight. Very few people even idea of an intruder in their room. ever be as good as the students between 3rd October and the 16th, looked twice as we worked our way Problems with relaxed student themselves.” Areas targeted by bur- Cameron, compared to an average of around down the narrow streets between attitudes to security were confirmed glars over the past fortnight have 12 this time last year. Lensfield Road and the station, by making several calls to included Lensfield Road, Mill Road, drugs, and a In response to these shocking fig- before moving onto accommodation Cambridge colleges who own Tennis Court Road, Thompson’s ures, Varsity has worked over the near Jesus Lane and towards accommodation in the areas we tar- Lane. Colleges that have witnessed difficult week past week with local police to inves- Magdalene Bridge. In many cases we geted. A Downing Porter confirmed crime include Trinity Hall, tigate the extent of student aware- could have walked away with thou- that there had been many recent Magdelene, St. John’s and Churchill. ness regarding issues of safety and sands of pounds worth of goods, incidences of CD players and laptops Cambridgeshire Constabulary Come along to find out about summer placements, careers in engineering and Graduate security. Joined by two local Police from mobile phones charging on being taken through open windows have encouraged students to be vig- officers, Varsity sent out its very own window sills to computers and televi- at the college, adding “its always like ilant, especially those living near >>page 8 team of ‘burglars’ to see how easy it sions placed within arms reach of this at the start of term…people just Tennis Court Road and Mill Road. 5pm is to break into Cambridge houses. open windows. On several occasions don’t think”. A Head Porter at St. Editorial - page 19 Recruitment with some of the UK’s top engineering companies. Your ethics sorted >7 Robert Fisk interviewed >15 All gone soft Arts >20 College football returns >37

SUNDAY 13 NOVEMBER JIMMY CARR OFF THE TELLY MAYS Fresh from his continuing television success fourteen on Channel 4 hosting Friday Night Project and 8 Out Of 10 Cats along with countless other Now inviting applications for the TV appearances, Jimmy Carr returns to the stage doing what he does best! After sell out tours in 2003 and 2004 this new stand-up show Editorial Committee is a hot ticket, with an extra night added due to the huge demand. Not for the easily offended! STUDENT TICKETS £15.50 THE MAYS is Varsity’s annual anthology of new writing by students from universities in Cambridge & Oxford, sold nationwide and distributed to every major literary agent. The editorial committee reads and shortlists submitted work before finally deciding which pieces should be published in this prestigious anthology. Deadline for applications: 21st November, 5pm

To apply or for more info, please contact [email protected] BOX OFFICE 01223 357 851 www.cornex.co.uk 24 Varsity Box Ads & Classifieds 04.11.05

MAKE A DIFFERENCE INVITES TUSCANY HOLIDAY APPLICATIONS Join a stimulating, home-based plan for our FOR LETTINGS 11-year old, mildy autistic daughter, based on the ‘son-rise’ Beautiful historic home to let in programme. Lent Term Shows medieval village. To be held in any Cambridge venue. We would like to ask you to work for 2-4 hours Sleeps 7-8, 1.5hrs from Pisa a week (for six months). No experience is ncesary; we’re just airport & Rome. Postgraduate Study No experience needed; looking for original and creative ideas 4 bed, garden, from £150p.w. full training given. £5 an hour. Submit written or email applications, with a Visit Make the call: synopsis/copy of the script to Nat Skidmore (njs48) Opportunities Tel: by 6pm on Friday 11th November. www.cambs-pilates.co.uk/tuscany 01223 248622 www.reds.org.uk for info Are you considering postgraduate IT’S PANTO SEASON! study? If so, you need to talk to us! “Accident & Conspiracy” Come and see us on stand B12 at Addenbrooke’s Pantomime 2005 the Careers Information Event on Tues 15th – Sat 19th November @ 7.30pm 9 and 10 November 2005 Mumford Theatre, APU, East Road, CB1 1PT or For tickets call the Box Office (01223) 352932 All proceeds to Cystic Fibrosis Charity Fund come to our Open Day on the £7.50 (£6 concessions – inc. students) South Kensington Campus, London on 14 December 2005 Make a difference! Queries? Email [email protected] between noon and 3.30pm.

Could you Please see www.imperial.ac.uk for EDIT full details. Varsity? Buy any takeaway See page pizza at the Pizza 23 to Valuing diversity and committed to equality for of opportunity Hut on the left apply 2 from Monday to CAMBRIDGE Thursday and get LEISURE PARK 1 two DVDs for the Tel: price of one at (01223) 414488 CHOICES rental SamSam SmileySmiley on the Leisure 68 Trumpington Street Have a great NIGHT in ON US! Park Special Offer

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© UBS 2005. All rights reserved. 26 Varsity Sport 04.11.05 St John’s steal march on rivals Favourites maintain 100% winning start in men’s college football league

high balls into the John’s penalty area. SCHNEIDER CLAUDE Adam Bracey These were defended competently and without much alarm, and the game set- tled back into its untidy pattern. ST JOHN’S 2 Churchill came on strongly again CHURCHILL 0 towards half-time, and created one of A WEEK IN THE LIFE OF their better opportunities when they had an effort cleared off the line, and then DAVE JONES St John’s ran out clear winners against a seconds later had a goal disallowed for UNIVERSITY HOCKEY stubborn Churchill on a blustery after- offside. noon, and after this result, must be This must have raised their hopes of a viewed as 1st Division favourites. The 90 second-half equaliser, but when monday minutes were far from inspired. This Churchill threatened thereafter they did Morning workout with Euan “the match merely confirmed what was so fitfully, as John’s dominated the sec- body” Finlay. Evening with hockey already obvious before kick-off: that the ond-half and ended the game as a contest lads - gag of the night: “if you’ve got league, despite John’s impressive form, is a green ball in one hand and a green a tight one, but that they look best- ball in the other, what have you got? equipped of all other sides to produce the “Despite the Kermit the Frog right where you want results needed to lift the title. him!” This was evident in the first fixture impressive form of against Trinity, and here again today against Churchill, John’s triumphed John’s, the league tuesday more through efficiency than attacking is a tight one” University hockey training then domi- flamboyance. What they possess - and nated a micoreconomics supervision. which their rivals do not - is a spine of Evening meal and inspiring Bible players capable of asserting themselves (as a spectacle it had long since descend- study to keep me focussed for the against any college opponents. Two of ed into mediocrity) with a second goal on week ahead. these, Chris Cleaver and captain James 60 minutes, as promising first-year Ben The Churchill skipper Barney Coles slides in to break down a John’s attack Verdon, defended coolly when called Gibson latched on to a quick free-kick upon, and provided the foundation for and flashed a shot high into the net. MEN’S RUGBY DIVISION 1 MEN’S FOOTBALL DIVISION 1 wednesday this John’s victory. Despite their excel- John’s will be pleased with this win, Woken by Dean “the dishwasher” lence, there was little else to admire from which had a look of formality, even rou- P W D L F A PD PTS P W D L F A GD PTS Hanafy and the wife at 5am. Mid- afternoon tea and cakes with mates the performance of either side. Both will tine, at the final whistle. Captain James GIRTON 4 4 0 0 62 41 21 15 ST JOHN’S 3 3 0 0 7 3 4 9 and then mildly late and bloated for claim, with some justification, that the Verdon: “You can’t fault three wins out of evening supervision. Evening festivi- conditions were prohibitive. However, it three, especially as they were far from ST JOHN’S 3 3 0 0 58 10 48 12 JESUS 3 2 1 0 4 0 4 7 ties for fellow hockey player Nick was chiefly their approach that produced easy fixtures. I always felt we were the JESUS 3 2 0 1 30 38 -8 9 CHURCHILL 3 2 0 1 5 3 2 6 McClaren’s birthday, but didn’t get a scrappy game, mostly devoid of inci- better side today, and there was only one into Cindies after queueing for ages. dent and punctuated by stoppages. winner, especially after the second went DOWNING 3 1 0 2 33 37 -4 6 CAIUS 3 2 0 1 4 4 0 6 The first half was dominated early on in”. His side’s efficiency is not in question, MAGDALENE 3 1 0 2 11 30 -19 6 CHRIST’S 3 1 1 1 3 2 1 4 by John’s, and the goal that they pushed but perhaps they might provide some- PEMBROKE 4 0 0 4 37 75 -38 4 ST CATZ 3 1 0 2 4 4 0 3 thursday for duly arrived mid-way through the thing more watchable next weekend. Carrot soup lunch prepared by DJ HOMERTON 3 1 0 2 3 4 -1 3 Terrestrial. Evening hockey training half. The unfortunate Churchill captain Elsewhere, Homerton beat Catz 2-1 Results: Barney Coles diverted the ball past his with two controversial goals, Caius wer and I successfully lived up to my Dave Girton 22–16 Pembroke DARWIN 2 1 0 2 2 3 -1 3 “Pele” Jones reputation. Missed own goalkeeper as John’s pressed. For a comfortable 3-1 victors over rock-bot- FITZ 2 0 0 2 2 5 -3 0 Thundercatz outing and met up with spell afterwards Churchill looked to hit tom Trinity and Jesus against Christs old school buddy in Selwyn Bar. back, with a succession of corners and ended in a 0-0 stalemate. TRINITY 3 0 0 3 3 9 -6 0 friday Early start to meet and pray with mates from college. Afternoon training Desmond stars in rugby victory session for college squash but get beaten by a fresher. Attend Scholars Soon after the visiting 13 was sin- SIMS ANDY dinner in the evening and entertain the Brockbank binned for persistent infringement, the Master with awesome chat about jazz Jamie and Cindies. reunited front-row partnership of Kirkman and Bosch used their experience CAMBRIDGE 29 and ball-carrying strength to earn the saturday LONDON WELSH 10 Blues a 5-yard attacking scrum. Harfoot’s Played hockey for Uni 2nds but lost ‘number 8 pickup and drive’ was foiled, 4-1. 5 green cards, 3 yellow cards and but the scavenging Bradshaw snuck in 1 red card in a combative match. Pub An impressive first half performance instead to touch down. golf in the evening and I downed a ensured the Blues recorded their third Ufton followed up his conversion by litre of cranberry juice in world record win of the season under the Grange Road bagging himself the Blues’ third try of the time. Also got rejected from Spoons floodlights against London Welsh. half from close-range by selling the for carrying an 8-iron. Girton’s Charlie Desmond was the main bemused London Welsh defence an out- highlight showing off his crowd pleasing rageous Guscott-esque dummy, which pace. helped partially compensate for a marked sunday Both sides opened their accounts with a dip in his usually dependable form kick- Church in the morning - highlight of the week! Really joyful. Managed to penalty kick a piece, either side of a couple ing from hand. Blues break through the London Welsh defence poach three goals in men’s and mixed of pulverising dump-tackles meted out by Fired up from a half-time managerial college hockey, followed by match Blues hooker Jo Clark in defence. It was in rollocking at their 22-3 deficit, London although the skipper blocked a late try Dave O’Brien add to the try count, with teas. Curry Mahal in the evening, the 15th minute that the home side took Welsh emerged much the stronger after from the visitors at the expense of a Ufton confidently converting to secure dressed as Kermit the Frog. Boys the initiative with an impressively worked the break and reaped a soft try under damaging knock to his hand. a 29-10 victory. night at Fez with DJ Black Dog. opening try. Scrum-half Bradshaw’s dart- the posts from lacklustre Blues’ defence After a chronic lack of second-half Star flanker, Nic Alberts, nursing a ing run off the back of the ruck provided in the 49th minute. Meanwhile, Ed possession and territory, the Blues’ groin strain in the stands, considered it the diminutive Desmond an opening on Carter looked far from convincing finally secured second-half parity in the a “good win” to build on next Monday the wing which he fully exploited at sear- throughout at full back as he struggled final minute when a powerful rolling- against a strong London Wasps ing pace to sidestep into the corner. under the high ball and with the boot, maul from the lineout saw flanker Academy side.

Win one of three copies of ‘Titanic THE LOW-DOWN Special Edition’. Titanic 2 and 4 disc sport in brief special edition is available to buy from Twentieth Century Fox Home : Entertainment on 7th November Boxing 2005. Thanks to www.fox.co.uk Korfball The Boxing Town vs Gown match

will take place on Saturday 18th M November in the Cambridge Guild

>>Name: >Aim: Hall. Tickets £10 each - contact IU

Cambridge University Korfball Club Score by shooting the ball through a I [email protected] or P R R E >>Where: "korf" 3.5m high, positioned one third [email protected] for details. RRP Kelsey Kerridge Sports Hall. However into the court at each end. The ball D ES the sport can also be played outside on must be passed without dribbling and a Ice Hockey: O T RT grass in summer. player can take a maximum of two steps The women’s ice hockey team have N S S L O >>When: while holding the ball. beaten Oxford for the first time in 12 EY CUKC train in Michaelmas and Lent >>National: years. They won 2-1 and will hope L terms only, with the Varsity match in Great Britain captain Dave Synot for a repeat in their Varsity encounter CT A March. We train Mondays 10-11pm, >>Cambridge: in March. ARI Wednesdays 9-11pm. Reached the BUSA National final this RE >Who: year, narrowly missing out on the gold Rugby League: Korfball is the only officially recognised medal and have beaten Oxford in the The men’s Blues lost 21-8 to GU © Adam Edelshain mixed sport in the world, with both Varsity match for the past three years. Loughborough 2nds. Alex Drysdale Re-arrange the letters by rotating the men and women playing together on >>Contact: and Evan Hughes scored tries for discs to create six seperate six-letter the same team. [email protected] words leading in to the centre. Cambridge in a physical game. Email your answer to: [email protected] 04.11.05 Sport Varsity 27 ... “The feeling was indescribable” Incidentally by Zoe Ryder Cup golfing legend Sam Torrance in conversation with Joe Speight Organ

Sporting venues create sporting legends. and it’s a game where you have to be IMG alloween is a Think of Wembley and you think of the content with not winning to be honest weird time for 1966 World Cup winning team; the – you don’t win that many tourna- Hwomen. From Telstra stadium in Sydney and you think ments over your career. You just have before the Middle of Jonny Wilkinson and that last minute to keep digging in”. Ages, we have been drop-kick; the Oval and Michael And dig in Torrance did, though his divided into whores Vaughan collecting the Ashes urn. In main successes did not come on the and virgins- now, still, the world of golf, the Ryder Cup is seen tour. Despite being the first golfer in at kid’s Halloween by many as the ultimate prize. The European Tour history to compete in parties there is always intense three day clash between the best 600 tournaments and win 21 European the nauseating child golfers in Europe and the best America titles over the course of the past three that comes dressed as has to offer always provides drama and decades, the Ryder Cup is the tourna- an angel- the unapologetic pilgrim tension and pure sporting theatre. In ment which elevated Torrance to legend with her little fairy cakes, and a glow- the context of the Ryder Cup, the Belfry, status in this country and across Europe. ing mother, who confesses that her situated near Sutton Coldfield on the His love affair with the tournament child simply couldn’t muster up the outskirts of Birmingham, has become began in 1969, while at home one of the desire to be evil. The failed witch is the the magical venue, for Europeans at most remarkable moments of sports- heroine of children’s stories. My least. And the legend? Sam Torrance. manship at a time of the utmost drama. mother read me Meg and Mog from a Having become a professional golfer very young age, the witch whose at the age of 16, Torrance remarkably spells always seemed to go wrong. reached scratch as a golfer by 13. In the “Nothing compares Then there was Mildred Hubble, in same year he left school to focus on his which the witch at the top of the class, beloved sport. The golfing genes aided to the Ryder Cup Ethel, was as nauseating and snide as in his entrance to the game. “My dad a good angel. At A level history they was a professional and I was born and captaincy - it was told us that all the witches in seven- grew up on the golf course”.From then teenth century New England had on, Torrance became one of golf’s most the highlight of my been subjected to a parasite in the well-loved character; though he is crop yield one year, which was related quick to point out that the transition career by a mile” to LSD and for some reason only from amateur to professional is not affected women. A dubious story, but plain-sailing. “Dedication, practice and British rookie Tony Jacklin walked even at eighteen we were not allowed mental strength are the key qualities down the 18th fairway in the final sin- to think Abigail Williams was actually required - professionals have far more gles pairing of the match all square with evil. They give us wicked female role desire than the top amateurs”. And his formidable US counterpart Jack models and then rip them down. these qualities are regularly tested in a Nicklaus, with the overall scores tied. Perhaps this was designed as a conso- sport which can be as frustrating as they Nicklaus completed the hole leaving lation for those of us who had broken come. “You always get losses of form Jacklin to hole a three feet putt to half many bones trying to fly off the top of the garden shed with the disinterested the match. In one of the great sporting Sam Torrance contemplating his next shot at a Senior’s tour event gestures the American picked up his brush, or had spent hours mixing all fact file opponent’s marker, saying “I don’t think the birdie required to win the Ryder debutant Paul McGinley in exactly the our fathers aftershaves together before you would have missed that Tony, but I Cup, and he duly sunk it to end same position as his captain 17 years drinking them and being sent to hos- didn’t want to give you the chance”. Europe’s 28 year drought in the compe- earlier. The Irishman sank the put to pital. We were taught that the failure Name: Sam Torrance to be evil was part of growing up, a Born: 1953, North Ayrshire The first ever Ryder Cup tie resulted, tition. give Europe the victory and send the but for Torrance “from that moment on However, when the Ryder Cup Belfry into raptures once again. “The nice message, for young girls, and a Age: 52 convenient deterrent from Daddy’s Turned professional: 1969 it was always something I wanted to be returned to the Belfry in 2002, Torrance key was that we played better, played a part of”. held the coveted captain’s role. beautiful golf all week and showed deodorant. Ryder Cup: 8 appearances. Boys never seem to have this prob- Played 28 matches, won 7, lost 15, He was a part of it 8 times as a player, “Nothing compares to the captaincy. tremendous courage. They were all and once as an assistant captain to Mark That was the highlight of my career by a magnificent and unusually every player lem. After all, they can’t dress up as halved 6. Vice-captain in 1999 and angels because they have to wear captain in 2002. James in Brookline 1999 when the mile”. And Torrance was not overawed won at least half a point. The feeling at Americans regained the Cup after dis- by the challenge ahead of him, remark- the end was indescribable”. dresses at too formative a stage. God is Other: First player to play in 600 usually out of bounds, mainly because, European Tour events graceful scenes on the 17th green. ing with a telling self-confidence “the And so Torrance’s legend status was However, the Belfry is the venue where only thing which worried me was the cemented. He is currently playing on apart perhaps from being blasphe- Broadcasting: BBC Television mous, at his most celebrated stages he golf commentator Torrance’s career came alive. Firstly, as a speech-making. I felt that the key was to the Seniors tour and playing in player in 1985 Torrance took on Andy make the players feel very special – they Bahrain next week. But when will is either invisible or in the process of Other interests: Family and all crucifixion, and then wizards are just sports North in the final day singles and fell were in a very special place doing a very the love affair end? “I’ll continue three holes behind, but fought back to special job”. Torrance was an inspira- until I drop” he says. I wonder if the such a weak counterpart. Hogwarts all-square heading up the 18th hole. tion. He guided his team to a remark- Belfry will be the venue. has changed things (But why is it that An18 feet put lay between Torrance and able final day surge which resulted in Harry has to do so well, while all his female counter-heroes famously fail? No one wants to dress up as a swat and 1 2 1 2 3 4 5 7 8 Across Down go wild for one night of the year.) College When I was little, little boys at 6 7 1. Disability beyond gradual recovery (9) 2. Beer is carried in passageway (5) Halloween parties seemed to sink into the background as indeterminate mon- cross- 9 8 8. Hard working Tories take money 3. Surrounded by a central road (6) from client with debts (13) 4. In canyon Derek's found over sters, and watch the girls perform. It is 9 10 11. Where chalk is found at the there (6) intriguing to see that as Anne country right moment (2,3) 5. Sacred syllable at end of Summers reputedly brings out its 11 12 12. Incorporate disoriented émigré tyrant's speech (5) range of cobweb lingerie and eight inch I abandoned (5) 6. Goons count in a style that devils horns, there are no pointy blue Hutton 13 14 15 Celina 13. Crude ship on road (5) can't be picked up (13) hats for the boys. And it seems unlike- ly that tomorrow they will be selling 16 16 17 16. Bronze or light brown (6) 7. Spicy wedding gift? (7,6) Last Sunday over 130 students 17. Master's backed Old Etonian 9. Make smaller firm by study (9) chastity belts and neon halos for All Souls Day, because desire will always were let loose on Grantchester 18 with degree in parasite (6) 10. New church after ten years Meadows for the second cross- 18. Snake dared otherwise (5) moral degeneration (9) be associated with the forbidden. country league match of the sea- 19 19 20 19. Harvester's behind with exercise (6) 13. Disturbing reason nothing Evil has now been sanitised. Even son. The women’s race was won 20. Stifle courier with very loud gets away? (5) Cinderella turns into a pumpkin. Here by fresher Charlotte Forbes 21 22 23 contents (6) 14. A theologian the French go we wear our bat like gowns with non- 21. We agree to go back to the off (5) chalance, row sturdily through the (Girton) in 10.53mins, with 24 25 26 Trisha Peters (Darwin) another East for medical procedure (5) 15. A mark perhaps determines mists and use our coffins (at Newnham at least) to store wine. But first-year taking third in 23 24. Food required by poker players (5) destiny (5) 11.03mins. The day, however, 26. In Perth a vocational qualifica- 22. Eastern sauna produced feel- we should not forget, as women, that went to Trinity’s women as they 24 27 tion means devastation (4) ing of sickness (6) our disinterest is a privilege. Bridget won their second straight team 27. Excellent point; note is out 23. Follower's authority to throw Jones still ‘caught’ Mr Darcy, even as a victory, with Queens’ in second. 25 about believing in magic (13) party (6) spinster eating blue soup and In the men’s race, Will George 28. Magnificent headland's 25. Ox manoeuvre (5) Branston pickle and sleeping with 26 28 (Jesus) sprinted home in grandeur (9) 26. I shall lose money over pre- men far too quickly. We are in a hon- 18.08mins, leaving spectators to cipitates (5) eymoon phase of women’s liberation in which we can scorn both evil and

admire the scenery for a near 50 CLAIRE seconds before Andy Bell good, dress up as drunken nuns, eat (Queens’) clinched second and POT BLACK frog’s legs in posh restaurants, call our Matt Armstrong (Tit Hall) took JAMIESON daughters Megan and keep lucky third. The results left the men’s Instructions: black cats. We lounge among the deli- First Division in a set of tied pairs Complete the questions in order from red to black. The answer to cacies of evil. We must remember with Jesus and Queens first, each ball is integral to the following question. those who suffered: the Pendle witch- Catz and Girton second, and es, the New England witches, the Robinson and Wolfson tied What country is set to host the 2008 Olympics? enforced nunhoods, and we should not only thank the women who third. ‘Redball’ beat what country to Olympic tennis gold? The next college race will be fought against our chastisement, but Cuppers, on Saturday 19th ‘Yellowball’ have how many teams in the Champions League? also our generous modern me. November, at Wandlebury Who wears the number ‘Greenball’ for Manchester United? Country Park. Contact Si Channel Hopper is away Rutherford (sr278). ‘Brownball’ plays for which international side? For answers to the crossword and Pot ‘Blueball’ wear blue and what colour as their regular strip? Black, contact: www.cam.ac.uk/societies/cuhh Jimmy ‘Pinkball’ is famous for playing which sport? [email protected] Varsity 04.11.05 MEN’S RUGBY WOMEN’S RUGBY COLLEGE FOOTBALL HARE AND HOUNDS

Blues 29-10 London Welsh Two more victories St. John’s 2-0 Churchill College cross-country sport Desmond, Bradshaw, Ufton Wins over Nottingham and John’s lead the way as Jesus Victories for Trinity women and O’Brien’s tries seal win Harlow maintain winning run are held 0-0 by Christ’s and Jesus and Queen’s men IHE DERRINGER MICHAEL Captain’s Corner

LORNA COLLINS Women’s Rowing Captain

As President of CUWBC and a return- ing member of the Blondie 2005 crew, I am pleased to be leading a squad of enthusiastic and dedicated athletes. I am joined by my Lightweight Captain, Sarah Farquhar and Vice President, Lourina Pretorius, both members of last year’s lightweight crew. In recent years CUWBC hasn’t been as successful in the Henley Boat Races as they have been in the past. Last season saw that change. The Blue Boat turned the tables with a convinc- ing win. The Lightweight VIII rowed an extremely close race and Blondie put up a strong fight too. With this solid foundation beneath us, the season ahead looks set to be a successful one. The summer has already seen CUWBC showing its strengths in various races and regattas. Our Development Squad had wins at both Molesey and St. Neot’s Regattas and culminated with the National Rowing Championships in which we finished 4th. A team of Lightweight scullers took part in the Ilan International Collegiate Invitational “EVERY MEMBER OF THE SQUAD HAS THE MENTALITY TO WIN A BOAT RACE” Holding the line for victory Regatta during September and achieved the best result CUW has seen Richardson since our first invitation - a silver Helen Wins against Nottingham and Harlow for rugby Blues medal for the quad. Later that month an alumni crew raced at the Centenary Cambridge University Women’s Rugby break through the Cambridge defensive broken and Cambridge played out the Cambridge. Harlow’s speedy scrum half Regatta on the Zambezi River, Zambia, Team continued their unbeaten start to line. The score, however, did not increase game comfortably. broke through the defence and scored a winning the 2km race. Most recently, the season comfortably winning 12–0 in the Blues’ favour as a lack of discipline Sunday saw the first home match of the second try for the opposition. This saw CUWBC sent a crew to the Head of the against Nottingham University and and some bad handling let them down. season against Harlow, an imposing side the scores level with two tries and one Charles Regatta, Boston USA, for the squeezing past Harlow 20–17. The second half began as the first had who had defeated their last opponents conversion apiece. The pace of the first time ever. The race went well and First up was Nottingham University for ended, with Cambridge in control, though 48–0. Cambridge began the game impres- game really picked up as Harlow felt we came in second. However, due to the first BUSA game of the season. still unable to make a breakthrough. They sively with Jen Hawkins scoring a penalty they had a chance to get back into the our success at the National Rowing Nottingham had won the league last year were given a bit of a shock when a try within ten minutes. Cambridge should game. A frantic period of play ensued. Championships, we were ineligible to and with Cambridge relegated from the chipped kick forward was seized by the have made it two when a try by Alice Cambridge earned a penalty on the be placed. league above, it promised to be a tight Nottingham full back who sprinted the Sargent was disallowed seemingly unfair- twenty-two and opted to kick for goal. Cambridge Winter Head is our next affair. The match proved to be very one- length of the pitch only to be taken down ly. However, she made amends for this The kick was good and the Blues spirits aim. This will be a day in which the sided with the Blues camped in the just before the try line by Maddie Garnish. apparent injustice by scoring the second were raised. Cambridge began to dom- whole squad is involved and is likely Nottingham half for the majority of the This kicked the Cambridge team back into try of the day with a superb breakthrough inate once again and following a good to produce some positive results. game. Cambridge dominated the lineouts action. There was a scrum down to run into the corner. Unable to push fur- period of forwards pressure and backs Looking ahead further to next term, and scrums and tackled well to prevent Nottingham on the five metre line, which ther in front the Blues concentration passing, Alice Sargent again found a gap we have the Women’s Head of the the backs breaking through. However, the Blues turned over. Kim Stephens at slipped just before half time with Harlow and surged forward to score. Despite a River Race. Our Blue Boat last year weather conditions and some suspect fly half took the ball and fought her way pulling one back. rather lucky try from an intercepted were winners of the University handling from the Blues kept the score at to the try line to make it three tries in With confidence affected by Harlow’s pass for Harlow, Cambridge held on to Pennant and we don’t intend to give a modest 12–0. three games. Nottingham’s spirits were try, the second half started poorly for win by three points, 20–17. that up easily! The opening try came midway through The season has started brightly for Every member of the squad this the first half following a series of runs by Cambridge. Even with a number of iden- year has that fighting mentality the forwards. The ball was popped off to “EVEN WITH WEAKNESSES THE tifiable weaknesses in their game, the required to win a Boat Race. They Herbie Cooper, who stayed strong in the Blues have continued to win against hold nothing back in training and will maul to break over the line to score. The BLUES HAVE WON AGAINST impressive opposition. The confidence in certainly put up a good fight come rest of the first half was spent in the the team is at a high and the success look April 1st. Nottingham half, who were unable to IMPRESSIVE OPPOSITION” likely to continue well into the term.

2 5 Next Week Quick Kakuro     Quick Sudoku Hard   Medium 1 5 9 2  8 4 6 The Times’ Bel    3 9 2 Mooney  8 6 solves your Fill the grid so that each run of  squares adds up to the total in  2 7 8 university the box above or to the left. Use    The object is to insert the num- only numbers 1-9, and never use   bers in the boxes to satisfy only 8 4 7 blues. Email: a number more than once per one condition: each row, column run (a number may reoccur in the and 3x3 box must contain the 6 7 8 1   [email protected] same row in a separate run). digits 1 through 9 exactly once. 2 5 Solution and solving aids at www.dokakuro.com What could be simpler? © www.dokakuro.com © Daily Sudoku Ltd 2005