Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Winter 2-12-2010

Volume 45 - Issue 17 - Friday, February 12, 2010

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 45 - Issue 17 - Friday, February 12, 2010" (2010). The Rose Thorn Archive. 119. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/119

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. T h e R o s e T h o r n R o s e -H u l m a n I n s t i t u t e o f T e c h n o l o g y T e rr e H a u t e , I n d i a n a Friday, February 12, 2010 www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn/ Volume 45, Issue 17 Mr. Rose lets guys show News Briefs smarts, fashion sense By Alex Mullans Alex Mullans ish with such accessories as Sports Editor waistline beer holders and 12-year-old faces full-body spandex. Last Friday night saw Hat- The MacGyver contest be- adult homicide field Hall packed with Rose gan after the first elimination students, as well as members of contestants, and left those charge of Alpha Omicron Pi chap- remaining with the task of ters from IU, Ball State, and fixing up a last minute Val- Jordan Brown, a 12-year-old from Wam- Quincy University. The oc- entine’s gift for their special pum, Pennsylvania, is one of the youngest casion: the third annual Mr. someone, given only materi- individuals ever to be charged with murder. Rose pageant, hosted by AOPi als one might find in a bach- He is accused of murdering his father’s fiancé to raise money for the Strike elor’s junk drawer. While the with a 20-gauge shotgun; if convicted, he Out Arthritis foundation. contestants slaved away, a could face life in prison without parole. His The pageant was loosely brief intermission saw most case has sparked a debate about the mini- based on the Miss America of the audience remain for mum age to try someone as an adult, which pageant, with some modifica- part 2, a sign of the excite- has gone all the way to the Supreme Court. tions. It had 5 major events: ment and suspense of the At the moment, he resides in an adolescent the talent competition, the competition. detention center, after it was decided that “swimsuit of the future” de- Post-intermission, the housing a then-11-year-old in an adult facil- sign contest, the MacGyver potential future Mr. Roses ity was inappropriate. The prosecutor for the contest, the question-and-an- showed their intellectual side case claims that Pennsylvania’s law has tied swer session, and finally the in a question-and-answer his hand in the matter so that his only options formalwear contest. From the session. The Q&A also served are prosecution for homicide or no prosecu- beginning, the ingenuity of as an opportunity to show- tion at all. the Rose male began to show. case the men’s formalwear While some contestants went before the last part of the for traditional talents like competition. Finally, after a Big protests singing, dancing, and instru- tough round of consultation mental performances, others among the judges, sopho- expected on Iran’s took advantage of Hatfield’s more Chemical Engineer- big screen for added effect; yet ing major Pat Suter took the anniversary others went for rather bizarre crown to become 2010’s Mr. talents (eating a whole lemon Rose. When asked how he felt This week marked the 31st anniversary of in less than a minute stands about winning, Suter said, “I the Islamic Revolution in Iran. Police have out in this writer’s mind). guess it feels pretty good! We been out in force attempting to control op- After the talents were out did it for the lulz and it was position supporters who are protesting en on the table, the contestants definitely a good time!” masse in the streets. Ever since last June’s were tested on their engineer- The pageant, aside from be- elections, protestors have relied on social me- ing and design abilities with ing a fun Friday night event, Amanda Rupp / Alpha Omicron Pi dia services like Twitter to organize events; in the swimsuit competition and was a successful fundraiser. fact, Twitter postponed regular site mainte- the MacGyver contest. For AOPi raised over $2700 dol- Winner Pat Suter shares the spotlight with his escort. nance scheduled for Wednesday morning the former, contestants were lars during the course of the to help out its Iranian users. In addition to charged with the mission of night. It also served to bring sponses from the crowd, but without the help of people heavy police activity, the BBC reports that its creating a “swimsuit of the fu- together various groups on it was their cluster of support- around him and the nomina- reporters, as well as those of other foreign ture.” The ideas ranged from campus; each contestant got ers that was the loudest. Suter tion by his friends at Alpha press organizations, are not allowed to cover the typical to the outland- generally enthusiastic re- said that he couldn’t have won Chi Sigma. any unauthorized gatherings or move around in the city.

PayPal broken by Indian regulators India’s Reserve Bank has asked PayPal to stop all personal payments in and out of India until it can decide on proper regula- tions. The Reserve Bank, equivalent to the U.S. Federal Reserve, claims that recent law changes in India required prior autho- rization for companies like PayPal before those companies could serve customers in India. A spokeswoman for the bank said that “PayPal does not have our authoriza- tion.” The decision came as rather a shock for many Indian businesses, as neither Pay- Pal nor the Reserve Bank immediately an- nounced the freeze. PayPal has stated that it may take several months to resolve issues before transfers can resume. Amanda Rupp / Alpha Omicron Pi Various contestants await their next task on stage at the Mr. Rose Pageant. In this issue of the Rose Thorn... How to Avoid Anderson vs. Living behind the Singles Aware-

News Opinions Rose Basketball times ness Day Co-EICs say F

Entertainment4 Living farewell 6 lipside 3 30 Days of Night 8 Students bleed for good takes a turn for the 5 7Sports cause normal

NEWS - PAGE 3 ENTERTAINMENT - PAGE 4 LIVING - PAGE 5 OPINIONS - PAGE 6 SPORTS - PAGE 7 8 PAGE - FLIPSIDE 2 Puzzles & Classifieds The Rose Thorn Murder Logic Puzzle Who killed Mr. Dead? By Rose Brewer By Rose Brewer

Five guests, Mr. Rose, Self-made his motive was either rage or black- man, Naked-lady riding a fish, Matt mail.” Melton and Married Man, were Naked-lady’s statement: “All I know all invited to an exclusive party at is, I did leave a fingerprint, but that Brainteaser Mansion. However, dur- doesn’t explain why Married Man ing the long, dark night, the owner of lost a hair, does it? Oh yes! The per-

Poison Dagger Revolver Lead Pole Rope Jealousy Greed Blackmail Revenge Rage Fingerprint Note Blood Footprint Hair 9:05 10:30 10:45 11:25 11:55 the spectacular mansion, Mr. Death, son who entered seventy minutes be- Mr. Rose was found dead in his office. The fore me took in the lead pole.” trouble is, every member of the party Matt Melton’s statement: “I entered Self-made went into his office, each at a differ- after a woman, who did not take in Naked-lady ent time, with a different weapon, rope because the last person to visit Matt Melton motive and clue that incriminated him did. I was in there for more than them. From their statements below, thirty-five minutes confronting Mr. Married Man can you work out who killed him? Death with my motive, which, may I 9:05 Mr. Rose’s statement: “I didn’t do say, wasn’t greed or blackmail.” 10:30 it. I never left a footprint because a Married Man’s statement: “Yes, you woman did. I entered the room be- caught me! My motive was jealousy, 10:45 fore the person who took in the poi- but it wasn’t as bad as that man’s 11:25 son. I must say though, she was in blackmail motive, who entered at 11:55 there for a quarter of an hour before five minutes past nine. I entered someone else went in!” before another man who left the in- Fingerprint Self-made man’s statement: “Okay, I criminating clue of the blood drop.” Note admit it! I took in the revolver, even The person who entered the room at though my motive wasn’t revenge. A half past ten is the real killer. Blood man entered the room after me and Who did it? Footprint Hair Jealousy Greed Crossing a river Blackmail By Rose Brewer Revenge Two boys wish to cross a river. The return on its own, there are no ropes Rage only way to get to the other side is or similar tricks, yet both boys man- by boat, but that boat can only take age to cross using the boat. one boy at a time. The boat cannot How do they do it? Find the answers to all Rose Thorn puzzles at: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Classifieds

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Editorial Staff The Rose Thorn Thorn Staff

Co-Editor in Chief Scott Gallmeier CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Staff Writers Eli Baca Co-Editor in Chief Andrew Klusman Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 Annie Bullock News Editor Noel Spurgeon Phone:(812) 877-8255 Mitchell Ishmael Entertainment Editor Ben Collins Fax: (812) 877-8166 Matt Melton Living Editor Melissa Schwenk E-mail: [email protected] Elliot Simon Hobey Tam Opinions Editor Christine Price http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Sports Editor Alex Mullans Kurtis Zimmerman Humor Editor James Zhou Co-Copy Editor Clint Thompson “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Co-Copy Editor Carly Baehr by providing an accurate and Photo Editor Tim Ekl dependable source for news and information.”

The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays first through ninth week each quarter. Cartoonist Carly Baehr

Administrative Staff Photographers Mike Reis Business Manager Andrew Klusman Matt Vargo Webmaster Kurtis Zimmerman Advisor Richard House

The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. THREE DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION. All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Office (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, February 12, 2010 News 3 Students compete to save lives Tim Ekl Photo Editor

After the rushed, van-based blood drive in December, the Indiana Blood Center returned to Rose-Hulman this Tuesday and Wednesday to demonstrate what a real blood drive looked like. The drive collected 177 pints of blood for transfusion, enabling doctors to save up to 531 lives. And in true Rose-Hulman style, RHA sponsored an inter-hall competition to see who could donate the most. Deming Attic won, with over 58% of its residents donating.

Tim Ekl / Photo Editor At right, a bag of donated blood awaits packing, while senior math major Eric Crockett donates blood. Top, several students and faculty undergo prepara- tion for donations. Above, an Indiana Blood Center phlebotomist marks and cleans senior computer engineering major Cody Collins’ arm.

The Thorn’s email has chanThe Thorn’s email has changed! Reach us at... Editors: thorn Opinions: thorn-opinions News: thorn-news Sports: thorn-sports Ent.: thorn-entertainment Flipside: thorn-flipside Living: thorn-living Business: thorn-biz

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(Rose Hulman Campus Delivery Only) 4 Entertainment The Rose Thorn “30 Days of Night” takes a turn for the normal

Eli Baca protecting the secret of vampir- they’re out of an older comic, Staff Writer ism, and they’re pretty good at it. but it only adds to the “normal- Wow, vampires casting judgment ness” of the area, that these are When Eisner-Award-winning on other vampires for telling hu- real people living next door to creators want to do a little of mans about them—this sounds a vampire. The frames with their own storytelling in a known familiar, doesn’t it, Twilight fans? blood and guts are comical, comic-verse, most times they are Things only get worse for Rufus showing a more cartoonish allowed to do so. This story was no when his “cousins” crash an apart- side to vampire killing. different. David Lapham, creator ment party and bring the death The characters are static and of Stray Bullets, took the 30 Days squad to his door, literally. Does shallow, aiding to the rigid art of Night universe and created a he make it out to kill another day? style, and making the comic unique stand-alone story that also Does the nosy neighbor get eaten? one of the better ones to come serves to continue the over-arch- Does the dog survive? Sorry, can’t out of non-Eben and Stella sto- ing plotline of vampires wanting spoil everything; publishers need rylines. Lapham’s unique brand to be mythical and just left alone. to get paid, too. of graphic storytelling keeps 30 Days ‘til Death follows lone- David Lapham pulled double the art and writing together, vampire Rufus as he tries to have a duty on this graphic novel, not helping each other along when “normal life”—Heroes anybody?— only writing the twisted tale of one gets too dry or too out while still being the bloodthirsty Rufus, but also drawing the entire there. These people may not be guy that he is. Think Superman, novel in his own way. Lapham our own neighbors, but when only he kills people graphically keeps the 30 Days of Night style living in an apartment with instead of saving them from Evil— by showing vampire text differ- nosy attendants, the neighbors he wants to have his cake (or hu- ently from “human” text while seem one-sided since everyone mans) and eat it too. adding in a certain urban twist is just looking out for number- So why does Rufus want to ex- to really bring out the aspects of one. Lapham writes an eerie change a life of killing whoever he living in an apartment, complete tale that should keep some resi- wants to one where he has to deal with “normal” tenements of all dents awake at night wondering with apartment neighbors and ages. The writing isn’t exhilarat- if “that nice boy down the hall” they’re never-ending problems? ing, but it gets the job done— is really a creature of the night Why not just kill everyone in the sometimes having characters just waiting to kill your kitten place and shut ‘em up for good? speak their thoughts more so and drink it’s blood with his Enter the vampire death squad. than regular people would, but morning coffee. Sent from the Vampire Elders to when the plot gets a little boring kill the American “cowboy vam- it’s okay to have some filler lines. Review rating: 3.5 elephants http://media.ideaanddesignworks.com pires” for making the dark princes From the opening pages to the of death public knowledge, the end, Lapham’s artistic style stays The cover for Lapham’s “30 Days of Night” clearly suggests the dark death squad is sent to find the consistent and precise, and old. nature found inside. vampires that don’t care about The characters are drawn like If you can’t be a God of War, be War

Garrison Berry moned as nonpartisan observers all the humans are dead, and (think giant ninja star), a hook- mares. He said in a developer’s Staff Writer to resolve the conflict. During Hell has taken over. This isn’t shot (grappling hook), and even diary that when he was drawing the course of this arviting, War going to be a picnic. a portal gun (yes the portals are the concept art, he made de- Whether or not you are a is killed. You, the player, re- If you’re going to fight angels orange and blue). mons that would scare him. This God-fearing religious person, turn to face the Council, where and/or demons you’d better not The inventory, combat, and is definitely a game for anyone we have all heard of the Rap- you are blamed break like a even the puzzles and dungeons who wants to release some an- ture (not Bioshock’s), Arma- for causing the twig. Much are similar to The Ocarina of ger, stress, or just wants to exer- geddon (not the movie), and Apocalypse. like Kratos Time’s interface, so the game cise their mind muscle. the Apocalypse (not the X-Men You are sen- from God of plays like Zelda, but looks like The sound is amazing, and the villain). Everyone knows about tenced to death, War, War is God of War. You’re tied to one- visuals make this a comic come the end of days, the war for this but convince a hardcore button-combat until you unlock to life. The puzzles are fun to realm between heaven and hell. the Council to guy the size a second weapon. There are complete, and the game has a In knowing this story we know allow you to of a car. He plenty of things to collect, such good 15-20 hours of gameplay. about the four horsemen: Death, return to Earth can lift and as lifestone shards that look It’s not all perfect, though. The War, Pestilence, and Famine. to find the ac- chuck damn like skulls, wrath shards, and first few levels are a bit boring, Vigil Games took this idea and tual cause of near any- artifacts that can get you more the combat is clunky and awk- set out to make a series of games the premature thing: cars, souls. The graphics are great, ward, and there are some graph- based around it. In Darksid- Apocalypse. light poles, to say the least. Not surprising, ical issues. Overall, this is still a ers (Xbox360, PS3), you play Seems sim- even public since the creative director is Joe great game. as War. The conflict between ple, right? Well, m a i l b o x e s . Madureira, the penciller to com- Heaven and Hell is coming to a it’s been 100 You get ics like The Uncanny X-Men and Review rating: 4 elephants head, and the Charred Council years since the items like the owner and creator of Battle is formed to arbit the conflict. last time you a boomer- Chasers. He has created a world The Four Horsemen are sum- were on Earth, http://www.wikipedia.com ang, a glaive that will give the weary night-

Tegan and Sara “Sainthood” Music: Movies: Xander Huff don’t detract from ic, hook-wise. Sara The Watson Twins The Wolfman Monkey Writer the structure of has a catchy song as Talking to You, the songs. It’s the with “Alligator”, but This Canadian duo has been increased energy in general her songs Talking to Me Percy Jackson & the around for a decade now and by that makes this are just not as read- Olympians the time they reached their fifth album wholly bet- ibly accessible. They Massive Attack album, The Con, they had really ter than its pre- are more introspec- started to expand the sound- decessor. As in tive. This contrast is Heligoland Games: scape of their songs. Their sixth the past, there’s http://www.wikipedia.com pleasant, though, as it album tones down a lot of the a pretty easy split leads to an altogether Blockhead Heavy Rain more ethereal feel of The Con between the sim- richer and more en- (PS3) and brings them back to the style ple songs and the more compli- joyable listening experience. The Music Scene of their best work -- upbeat, di- cated ones, just as there is the rect songs that made them pop- split between the songs Tegan Phantogram Sins of a Solar Empire: ular in the first place. However, and Sara sing. Tegan’s songs like Reviewer rating: 3 elephants Trinity the simplicity of the arrange- “The Cure” and “Northshore” Eyelid Movies ments and the straightforward- are much catchier and fun, with (PC) ness of the messages within her other songs not too esoter- Friday, February 12, 2010 Living 5 Living behind the times

Melissa Schwenk wasn’t on after 10:00 p.m.). Living Editor Even when I got to high school I didn’t go to the movies very of- It’s a common occurrence for ten. The very small theater in me: someone makes a refer- the very small town where my ence to a movie that came out boarding school was located five years ago and it goes over was about a month behind the- my head. I’m living behind the aters in other towns, so many times with regards to movies, of my friends had either already music, and games. Not that I seen the movie on a trip home play video games, but that is be- or planned on a little hanky- side the point. panky in the back row. I can’t I didn’t grow up in a family say I blamed them but this really that went to the movies every stunted my cultural growth. week. We didn’t buy the latest Film isn’t the only area of cul- VHS that came out, and we didn’t ture where I’m behind the times. have cable or satellite. We had My mom insisted that we listen just about every Disney movie to oldies music in the car every- known to man, but my parents where we went, meaning I was failed to realize after I hit twelve well versed on the likes of Rod years old that cartoons didn’t Stewart and Billy Joel but not quite hold my attention like they so informed on Britney Spears once did. (pre-meltdown) and N’Sync. It Since my sister and brother was only through the rides to are 5 and 6 years older, respec- school with my sister and the tively, they have seen most of CDs I stole from my brother the movies of our generation. when he went to college that I fi- While they went out with their nally learned that people didn’t Tim Ekl / Rose Thorn friends on the weekend, I did my stop making music after the sixth grade science projects and ‘80’s. Even if she abandoned all homework and social obligations and only watched movies for the rest of the wood shop homework. Most of As if that wasn’t bad enough, year, the Living Editor would probably still never see all of the movies that she missed during her childhood my friends lived in the next town the only radio station we could and teen years. But there’s no harm in trying... over and often walked to the the- get in the small town of my I finally updated my iPod. My living behind the times has not ruined for me and my music is ater while I enjoyed a very rural boarding school was Christian musical tastes reflect this lack impeded my life at all. Not own- berated all the time, I just don’t existence. The only opportuni- Rock. Since Pandora hadn’t yet of exposure to new music, with ing the latest CD or having to have the energy to always be ties I had for a pop culture edu- graced our laptops, most of my songs like Iris and Ocean Av- wait until a movie comes out in- chasing the newest thing. cation were sleepovers and the music in high school came from enue still maintaining high spots stantly on Netflix hasn’t stopped Just please don’t give away the occasional good movie on TV on borrowed CDs from the nineties, on my “Favorites” playlist. me from being a part of my gen- ending to Zombieland. I actually a Sunday evening (as long as it and it wasn’t until this year that The moral of this story is that eration. While movie plots are plan on watching that one. Ladies’ Man For Traditions’ Sake

Elliot Simon Another good way to avoid Mitchell Ishmael Homecoming. can remember and live on for Staff Writer spending excessively on the Staff Writer Traditions are awesome be- reasons that we can’t quite 14th is to avoid giving a large cause they are constants that put our finger on. From time Dear Ladies’ Man, bouquet. While you may feel Every time I come home from we can count on. Things that to time in my life I have found For the first time ever, I actu- you need a full dozen roses to school, my mom makes the we can count on every week, myself following traditions that ally have a Valentine for Valen- adequately express the breadth most delicious chocolate chip month, or year to make us hap- have passed down through the tine’s Day, but I’m not sure what of your feelings, a single rose pancakes you have ever tasted py or bring a little bit of joy to years, and I cannot find the to do. I don’t have a whole lot of can represent an unexaggerated for breakfast. Consequently reason I’m doing them. These cash; however, I want to show her compassion. I gorge myself. I eat pancakes traditions can be harmful to that I care. I haven’t the slightest As a possible alternative to until I’m about to burst, and I yourself and others, especially clue how to celebrate the holiday expensive chocolates, consider swear that I’ll never eat pan- Traditions are when you find yourself partici- cheaply. Do you have any ideas baking your own cookies in- cakes again. I guess you could pating in them just to propa- that don’t make me look like a stead. Rather than paying for call that a tradition. awesome be- gate the tradition. cheapskate? the overpriced confectionar- Every year since I can re- Traditions can bring out the -Poor College Student ies, you can custom tailor your member, my siblings and I cause they are best and the worst in humanity. baked goods, giving a much have painted hard boiled eggs Many times having a familiar Dear Poor Student, more personalized experience. the Friday before Easter. Our constants that date set in stone is what gets me Valentine’s Day, originally a Unfortunately, if you’re look- hands are always dyed differ- through the week. Having that small and quiet endeavor, has ing for a romantic spot in the ent shades of purple and green “we can count on. constant throughout the years turned into Haute to head that lasts for days. My friends that brings me and everyone quite an or- to for dinner, and I have some traditions as around joy is something worth deal, with You can cus- you’re out of well: for the last few years we otherwise monotonous days. living for. But to keep traditions e l a b o r a t e luck. On the have gone out late at night There is something charming as good, worthwhile things, we planning go- tom tailor your bright side, this on Christmas Eve. We scour and fun about traditions; they must be cautious of traditions ing into an gives you even the roads for yards filled with have a certain magical air that that could harm others, not con- attempt to baked goods, more reason to decorative light up reindeers draw people together and lift tinue traditions just because you achieve the cook dinner for and put them in provocative everyone’s spirits. did them at one point in time. Perfect Date. giving a much your Valentine. positions. Even Rose has some We must be” wary of tradi- Lastly, we need to realize that Named for an If she cares for pretty fun traditions, like light- tions, though, especially ones new traditions can be born just early Chris- “more personal- you, any effort ing the humongous bonfire at that were spawned before we as quickly as old ones can die. tian martyr, will be fine; it the day is ized experience. doesn’t have to characterized be a five-star What we’re doing for Valentine’s Day by flowers, meal. For those chocolate, and valentines. without access to a kitchen, If you want to show her that you’re going to need other plans. I have a date with Ben and Jerry after work. Two words: Cheap Date. The abusive relation- you care, but don’t have the Local places (tasty Indian, We’re going to watch a movie and have quite a ship I have with Rose has taken all my money, so dough to go all-out, here are a Japanese, or whatever you feel night at home. I don’t have much to spend on my real one. few tips to make it lighter on like) are fine, but make sure -Melissa Schwenk, Living Editor -Noël Spurgeon, Flipside Editor the wallet. First, rather than” you can either get a reservation buying a card, fish out some ahead of time or call ahead. If I’m giving my boyfriend 800 pixel magnets to I’m be celebrating Saturday in Chicago with my construction paper and glue, you do plan on making a trip keep him entertained while I do homework. girlfriend and sushi. Mmmmm. maybe some markers, and make to a less-than-classy establish- -Carly Baehr, Opinions Editor -Colin DeClue, Entertainment Editor your own. While you may feel ment, you can try to spruce up it lacks the same panache as your trip by dressing nicely re- I’ll be working at the Learning Center. How I’m breaking my CS major stereotype by coming a store-bought card, a hand- gardless, and bringing your own depressing is that? Oh wait, there’ll be pizza. out of the cave that is my room. made card shows that you spent table decorations (like that rose -Tim Ekl, Photo Editor -Alex Mullans, Sports Editor more than thirty seconds pick- you gave her in a vase?). You’ll ing a card off a shelf, checking it never look like a cheapskate so I have a date and am then finishing the night Pining for that special girl. I mean, was for the right occasion, sign- long as you put in the time to with a DE review. How exciting. stumbling online. ing it, and giving it to her. personalize your date. -Emily Asman, Copy Editor -Andrew Klusman, Co-Editor in Chief 6 Opinions The Rose Thorn Staff view: Toyota needs to SERiouSLy. Mark Minster Being sick blows. I hate cough- 1 as the prejudicial comments of put safety before comfort ing my lungs onto the table and a few haughty pure-bloods turns, floor. I hate when my head feels over the course of the series, into Is that a new Prius? It’s a great Nowadays, when all of a car’s oncurring like it’s been beat-up by mob- full-scale oppression against car – Toyota really went all-out functions are electronic, there’s C : 7 sters with sacks of nickels. I hate those without pure blood. It’s the to make driving it a good expe- no need for this kind of resis- having raw nostrils, foggy brain, Nazis’ “Final Solution” all over rience. All of those little features tance in pedals anymore. But Dissenting: 3 irritated eyes, and only being again—latent historical fears that make drivers happy are people had developed a prefer- capable of sleep, tea-drinking, and prejudices festering into dis- there, like the power slide moon- ence for this return pressure – it Abstentions: 2 medicine-taking, and staring crimination and even murder. roof, a voice-activated DVD play- was expected and comfortable to back at the dog. To be incapable And it happens so gradually and er, and even Bluetooth. And it’s a feel the gas pedal pushing against ing should be a no-brainer. of writing, even. I hate it. believably that you don’t have to hybrid, to boot. your foot. So, designers started Now, there are some safety But when you’re sick, on a good imagine very hard to know that Are you comfortable in your to fake the feeling, using springs arguments to providing that bad day, maybe you read Harry that kind of animosity can come new Prius? Good. Now let’s get or other feedback mechanisms to kind of feedback on a driver’s Potter. Something to nurture the from something seemingly trivi- you into a crash. deliver the same kind of effect a foot. It helps keep the pedal in adolescent in you. It’s good to al—even, say, a fraternity pledg- It’s been all over the news late- Bowden cable once had. place on a bumpy road, and it feel a little coddled and taken- ing process. ly that Toyota recalled over nine It turns out the problem with makes the driver more aware of care-of. And when your wife’s at Most forms of prejudice we see million cars, the Prius among the Toyota pedal stems from their surroundings. If a driver work and can’t make you soup, in our day are of the Book 1 kind, them, for various problems with this very mechanism. The ny- ever talks about “feeling the and when you don’t own a Snug- or even quieter. There are very the pedal arrangement and con- lon-based material inside the road,” they’re talking about the gie, you have to nurture yourself. few Draco Malfoys in this world struction that cause what the in- pedal, designed to provide the feedback they get through this I admit that I used to mock (whose name is basically “Dragon cident reports are terming “un- upward pressure drivers want, kind of a mechanism. adults reading Harry Potter Bad-Faith”), people whose preju- controlled acceleration,” caused degrades under certain weather But even so, there are numer- books. I was Saul of Tarsus, cruel dice is obvious and external. Fra- by sticking gas pedals. Less well conditions, becoming sticky and ous technologies that can pro- persecutor. But coming off a bru- ternities rarely tell prospective reported is the cause for the not pushing the pedal back into vide the same effect with less tal sinus infection, I’ve had my initiates, “We hate gay people.” sticking: a mechanical feedback place properly. As a result, the risk. Springs, for one, have been road-to-Damascus experience. Instead they’ll say, “You can’t system designed solely to make gas pedal sticks in a partially widely available since at least the I’m the converted Paul, preach- join us because you’re too outspo- driving more comfortable for the depressed position, accelerating 15th century; using a spring to ing to the world. I’ve seen the ken,” or “We’re concerned about driver’s foot. the car—with possibly deadly provide mechanical resistance is books, and so should you, if by our image,” or “You’re awkward Back in the olden days, when results. a fairly trivial thing to do. chance you haven’t. Or if you’re around girls,” or “Other people mechanical systems and cables The first priority for drivers As a firm that millions trust one of those closed-minded fun- might think we’re too much like were used to control acceleration when stepping into their cars for their safety and their lives, dies who feared or condemned you.” A poison-apple seed may and braking, there was some- shouldn’t be their own comfort, Toyota needs to recognize the books for their portrayal of not have branches and fruit, but thing called a Bowden cable that or having all of the little quirks where their number one prior- the Dark Arts, then you need it’s a poison-apple all the same. linked the pedals to the engine. that make them feel at home. ity lies: not in making drivers the light more than anyone, be- Even good people can say hateful This cable controlled the degree It should be operating that car comfortable, not in providing a cause the world Rowling shapes things. That’s how it starts. of acceleration, and in its opera- safely and arriving at their des- fluidly smooth driving experi- is just better than yours. It’s just The Harry Potter books are tion, introduced a degree of re- tination. Giving up a little thing ence, but in ensuring the safety better. Her realistic fiction out- brilliant for a load of reasons, sistance when pushing down on like pedal resistance in exchange of their customers. Everything strips your fictionalized reality. and one of those is that they take the gas pedal. for a better assurance of not dy- else can follow. And these are books about love: so seriously how hard it is to root friendship, attraction, love pa- out this kind of malevolence. It IS rental, filial, love universal. malevolence. And it takes abiding The mythical Rose ratio Take for example the opposi- friendship, and the love of people Melissa Schwenk Woods come to campus, many ously aren’t trying hard enough. tion of Muggles, those who can’t who are different—in short, the Living Editor of the Rose girls get lost in the While some girls from ISU and the perform magic, vs. wizards and love of one’s neighbor—and the shuffle. I personally can’t com- Woods are genuinely only looking witches, those who can. There risky speaking-out of ordinary As I’ve told many of my friends, pare to those English and educa- for friends when they hang out at are pure-bloods, whose parents people to make a difference. Tell I’ve given up dating for the rest of tion majors, with their hours of fraternity houses, many more are could do magic, and half-bloods, me that’s not what the books are the year. This is partly because I’m homework-free time. With those on the prowl for their own R.H.I.T. those with one magical parent, about. Tell me that’s not at the planning a year abroad and a se- new bodies at parties, the ratio Again, a double standard takes ef- and so-called “Mudbloods” (a core of the gospel. rious relationship doesn’t fit this is almost even, if not tilted in the fect here, as most guys aren’t look- nasty term), those without magi- I dare you. Because I’m not sick plan, and partly because the com- guys’ favor. When I go out, I am ing to marry a breadwinner. I of- cal parents. What starts in Book anymore. The Snuggies are off. petition out there is fierce. never asked, “What type of engi- ten feel like I have to convince guys Guys always complain about the neering are you majoring in?” The that I’m not just a nerd; I also like Rose Ratio, that mythical number question is always: “Do you go to movies, baking, and talking about Have opinions? that supposedly impedes their the Woods or ISU?” concerts I’ve been to. path to a relationship. However, Even worse, ISU men don’t Dating at Rose isn’t nearly as when you think about it, girls at often meet Rose girls. There are difficult as male students would You’ve got all of quarter Rose have a much harder deal. enough girls at ISU for the male like to claim. It’s finding a qual- While the perfect tens either come students to share with our campus ity partner that is the hard part. in with boyfriends or are snatched without the ISU men going with- If you find a girl from another break to write about them! up in those first few days, and the out. And again, I cannot compete school and she makes you happy, evenly matched, equally nerdy with them: last year I was called a great! Just don’t forget: there’s couples proliferate on campus high five (at most) by a public uni- a girl for one out of every four of Send your rants and throughout the year, many girls in versity male, while my Rose rating you. So go ahead, ask the cute girl the five to eight range are left won- hovers around 7.5. Which is con- in your Spanish class on a date. observations to dering why we aren’t asked out to fusing because ISU girls can beat At worst she’ll turn you down and Taco Bell or LAN parties as well. me, even wearing sweats to class you’ll have to move on. At best, [email protected] The reason: imported girlfriends. every day. you won’t have to commute across When girls from ISU and the Guys who can’t find a girl obvi- town to see her. A Co-Editor in Chief looks back‽ Andrew Klusman Next, thank you to my loving has been wonderful to get to work stitute. We also saw some major the Thorn, or they’ll at least try. Co-Editor in Chief readers. You’ve put up with arti- alongside him for two years (well, sports achievements — volleyball And with them, we’ll have Scott cles about drunkards throwing jel- via e-mail for one year counts as made the conference tournament Gallmeier, Colin DeClue, Melissa The end of Winter Quarter: not lyfish at teenagers, the gratuitous “alongside”...). Without him, the for the first time ever, and the Schwenk, Carly Baehr, and Noël only does this mean that mean I usage of my beloved interrobang, Thorn would not be as great as it men’s baseball team made the Spurgeon making the paper. It’s get to go home for the first time and my border- is. He’s been national tournament two times in been great to get to know them in seven weeks, it also means that line obsession there to guide a row (and might make it three! over the past few weeks (some of the time for transitioning at the with Russian Random articles, us on the Go on guys!). We’ve also seen the them for the past few months). I Rose Thorn arrives. Yes, this is my dictator, I mean hard-hitting departure of some longtime staff, know they’ll do a great job. last issue as Co-Editor in Chief of Prime Minister the amazing in- news articles, like former librarian John Robson, Last, but not certainly not the the prestigious Rose Thorn, col- of Russia, Vladi- terrobang, and the tributes to and the pending retirements of Art least, I want to thank those Thorn loquially known as Terre Haute’s mir Putin (but students, and Western and Tom Mason. editors who have suffered under Only Real Newspaper (I bet our seriously, the Vladimir Putin: your normal As we enter into a new era for me for two years: Scott Gallmeier, name makes a bit more sense now, guy goes to the run-of-the- Rose-Hulman (Branam’s tenure), Ben Collins, Christine Price, Matt doesn’t it?) bottom of the these are a few of mill articles. we also enter into a new time Melton, Tim Boyer, and Carly First, I’d like to thank my amaz- world’s deep- “favorite things. R o s e - for the Thorn. I leave you, dear Baehr. You guys have been a great ing Thorn staff. You’ve helped est lake, he does Hulman has readers, in the capable, if not a staff to work with, and it’s been a build upon the foundations of a martial arts, he changed a bit little dirty, hands of Tim Ekl and blast. Best of luck to you in all your great paper left to us by my prede- does artwork over the last Alex Mullans. They will not only future endeavors! cessor, Aaron Meles. And, after the for charity, he hunts, and he rides two years. We inaugurated Ger- guide the Thorn to bigger and bet- And with this, I’ll leave you with drought of advertising occurred horses and fishes shirtless. How ald Jakubowski, saw Jakubowski ter things (can I get a “let’s run a one final character. Why? Sim- (which continues to this day!), you can you not love that?). leave, and then saw Matt Branam twelve-page paper again?”), but ply because it’s my favorite. And stepped it up, and made even more Not to be forgotten is our trusty come onboard as our interim, and they will also continue to uphold sometimes defines the content I’ve content. advisor, Dr. Richard House. It then” official, president of the In- the high and lofty standards of permitted to be run: ‽ Friday, February 12, 2010 Sports 7 Last second shot brings Lady Engineers a loss

Kurtis Zimmerman When the teams returned for ing an exciting overtime finish, the Rose-Hulman’s loss, as well as 76–69 loss. Freshmen Jon Gerken W e b m a s t e r the last twenty minutes of play, Ravens’ Kate Barwick hit a base- teammates Amy Wuestefeld and and Austin Weatherford led the the Engineers began putting more line jumper with less than a sec- Ellen Thompson each putting up team in scoring with 15 points and If statistics alone could win a bas- pressure on the Ravens, choosing ond remaining to give Anderson a 11 points for Anderson. 13 points respectively, but Ander- ketball game, the Lady Engineers a strategy of tougher defense to small lead. The loss earlier this week son’s 17-point lead at the half was would have come away Wednesday keep the opponent’s scoring at a Despite the efforts of Dicker- brought the Rose-Hulman wom- too large for the Engineers to over- night with a sizable lead. Unfortu- minimum. And it worked. Coming son’s seventh career double-dou- en’s basketball team to 3–19 over- come in twenty minutes of play. nately, all that matters after forty away with four blocks, junior Don- ble (22 points and 12 rebounds) all and 3–10 in conference play. The loss for the Engineers brings minutes of play is the scoreboard, na Marsh claiming half of those, and Marsh’s 9 rebounds, mak- Anderson however improved to their record 6–16 overall and 2–11 and in the end Anderson University and seven steals, shared among ing her the sixth Engineer in his- 7–15 and 6–7, respectively. The in conference play, while Ander- outscored Rose-Hulman, bringing Marsh, sophomore Alisa Dicker- tory to hit a career high 600 re- Lady Engineers will travel to Bluff- son’s men improved to 13-8 for the the night to a close with another son, and freshman Ashley Kohls, bounds, the women were unable ton University this Saturday, Feb- season and 7-5 in HCAC play. The loss, a disheartening 57–55 “L” for Rose-Hulman played well enough to pull it together and overcome ruary 13, for their next contest. Rose-Hulman men will also travel the record books. to clinch the win. the early deficit they acquired. As The Rose-Hulman men’s bas- to Bluffton this Saturday for their The game started slowly for the But the scoreboard doesn’t lie. frustrating as it is, Anderson sim- ketball team traveled to Anderson next contest. Lady Engineers, and although mid- After an impressive rally to come ply outscored Rose-Hulman and Wednesday night and similarly way through the first half they only from a staggering deficit, the Lady earned the Wednesday night vic- found themselves facing an early Matt Vargo/ Rose Thorn sat a comfortable three points be- Engineers outscored Anderson in tory. The Ravens’ Lauren Leisure deficit which ultimately led to a hind, throughout the first half the the second half 33–23 and brought led the team with an impressive Ravens were able to consistently the game to a 55–55 tie with just 18 points which told the story of outscore the Engineers to pull to- seconds remaining. With the gether a 12-point lead before exit- crowd watching anxiously, expect- ing the court at halftime.

Men’s tennis tops Calumet Five event wins lead Rose-Hulman St. Joseph in season opener effort at DePauw Rose-Hulman News Rose-Hulman News Junior diver Michael Gerdov four runner-up performances, recorded the fifth event victory including three individual ef- Rose-Hulman Institute of Rose-Hulman Institute of with a three-meter diving score forts. Senior diver Mark Parzych Technology opened the men’s Technology combined for five of 260.40 points. scored 249.25 points in one-me- tennis season with a 9-0 victory first-place finishes to highlight a On the women’s side, fresh- ter diving, freshman Max Foltz over Calumet St. Joseph at the dual men’s and women’s swim- man diver Nicole Richardson recorded a time of 19:28.63 in Wabash Valley Tennis Center on ming and diving meet with na- led the performance with two the 1,650-freestyle; and fresh- Saturday afternoon. tionally ranked DePauw Univer- second-place finishes. Richard- man Alex Krull completed the Freshman Ben Paras, senior sity on Saturday. son scored 173.80 points in the 200-backstroke in 2:08.92. Scott Grubbs, senior Michael Newcomers John Huster, one-meter event before record- The 200-medley relay team Schoumacher and junior David Matt Ross and Michael Yuhas ing 172.95 in three-meter. of Krull, Huster, freshman Pat- Becerra earned singles and dou- joined sophomore Ben Sollman Other top performances for rick DeJarnatt and senior Brian bles wins to lead the Engineer as a swimming event winner to the women included freshman Yount also came home second in effort. lead the effort. Carley Shumate with a time 1:40.61. Other singles winners includ- Huster claimed the 100-yard of 2:26.22 in the 200-back- The diving portion of the ed junior Alex Gumz and junior butterfly in a time of 53.60 sec- stroke for second place; senior squad will compete in the Col- Seth Hendrickson. The third onds. Ross won the 200-but- Deb Aleksa with a third in the lege Conference of Illinois and doubles team of junior Dallas terfly in 2:01.59, while Yuhas 1,000-freestyle (11:43.21); and Wisconsin Diving Champion- Burton and junior Brent Frizzell swam a time of 18:33.44 in the freshman Shannon Cunnien ships at Illinois Wesleyan next rounded out the victories for the 1,650-freestyle. Sollman won with a third in the 400-individ- weekend. The swimming por- Rose-Hulman News Engineers. the 200-individual medley in ual medley (5:04.93). tion of the championships takes Rose-Hulman stands 1-0 on Scott Grubbs, senior chemi- 2:09.02. The men’s squad combined for place from Feb. 18-20. the season and hosts NCAA Di- cal engineering major, won the vision II Southern Indiana next number two singles and number Saturday at the Wabash Valley one doubles position in the sea- Tennis Center. son opener. Engineer Scoreboard

Do you like to watch sports? Swimming and Diving February 6 Rose-Hulman Men 2nd Is your homepage set to ESPN.com? at DePauw Women 2nd

Men’s Tennis The Thorn Sports page is looking for writ- 1-0 (0-0 HCAC) Track and Field ers on sports, from Rose-Hulman teams to February 6 February 6 the pros! Rose-Hulman Men 4th Rose-Hulman 9 at DePauw Women 5th vs. Calumet St. Joe 0

Men’s Basketball Women’s Basketball E-mail 6-16 (2-11 HCAC) 3-19 (3-10 HCAC)

[email protected] February 10 February 10 if interested! Rose-Hulman 69 Rose-Hulman 55 at Anderson 76 vs. Anderson 57 8 Flipside The Rose Thorn Top “10” Ten Drop it like it’s not Wacky prof quotes Ways to avoid Valentine’s Day James Zhou understood us. Don’t you re- “Let’s go back to prostitu- lonliness Human-shaped hole in member how we used to mock tion.” the wall that man who was asking for — Dr. Wollowski, who Matt Melton change on national television? can trace everything Professional Dating Strategist Ah, Valentine’s day: a time Much like him I now feel that back to the world’s old- to be with your true love and I was an idealistic, naïve fool. est profession. 10. Insist on giving friendly homework help. Bring chocolate. For women, to dump the skank that you’re Why did I ever think that you request chocolate. with. Therefore, I, James Zhou, could change? “Just for fun, I think you renounce my relationship with Yes, I know about Noël. At should have a Freakishly 9. LAN party! Invite girls to take out their anger on men by blasting them the Flipside as her editor. first, it was a relief that you’ve Long Finger Strategy.” in COD and Halo! It is totally you, not me. I found someone else to dump — Dr. Mohan. We’re mean, I really should have on every Thursday night. But… afraid to find out what 8. The CS Method: Spread a mostly harmless computer virus on select lap- known what I had gotten myself well actually, I don’t mind Noël this strategy is for. tops (read: females’). Volunteer to fix said computers for free. into. It wasn’t as if I did not know so much, the content idea ses- that all of your previous suitors sions were kind of fun. It is just “That’s a good marker! I 7. It’s a Sunday. Catch up on sleep by sleeping through it! ran off after merely a year or two that, she is also currently seeing didn’t wanna be high this in your presence, each resigning your ex, and I really can’t take early in the morning, but 6. Massive movie night. Choose from (very) short list of romantic movies before their time. Nor was it a se- the drama anymore. I’m tired okay.” that are lubby-dubby, yet still fun and enjoyed by both sexes. Examples cret of how you would wantonly of trying to get you two to com- — Dr. Graves, demon- include Love Actually, Jerry Maguire, The Princess Bride, or The Notebook allow just about anybody off the municate like normal people, strating the dangers of to control the male population. street to lay their prose on you... instead of giving each other a practicing math. their dirty, and often nonsensi- silent treatment that is punctu- 5. Cook grand meal in residence hall lobby. Open all interior doors to cal, prose upon your fair news- ated by random emails or some- “What about Tuesday and spread alluring fumes through all of building. print. But, you were such a joy to one showing up all disheveled at Thursday? What if I’m behold every Friday; the thought 9 p.m. ranting about crazy ideas. on fire those days?” 4. Karaoke party! Everyone loves karaoke! Invite EVERYONE! of your letters’ gentle curves I’ve had it; I have needs, too. I — Dr. Morris, who gave me the strength to trudge would like to get some home- knows the importance of 3. Send Sharepoint e-mail with title FREE CHOCOLATE and a specified through countless tests and pre- work done at a reasonable time. planning for the future. location. Then bring a LOT of chocolate to specified location or face wrath sentations. So, this is goodbye. of many angry females. We had such good times, even [Ed. Note: He’ll come crawling “I am God, I define this as if it often seemed that no one back... they always do] a centimeter... God, or 2. TV Mini-series marathon! For men, watch the manly Band of Brothers. the people in France who For women, watch the equally un-manly Pride and Prejudice. For best re- How to: Write a define a centimeter.” sults, do not mix the two. — Dr. Bunch, challeng- (Generic) Love Letter ing everything you 1. Go to The Woods and announce loudly “I’m single!” Women can get this Noël Spurgeon works, but really doesn’t “O Engi- thought you knew about effect by doing the same at Rose. Hallmark Master neering Adonis, Bespectacled Sex religion AND the metric God” just roll off the tongue? I system Ah, Valentine’s day. The day thought so too. of heart-shaped confetti, heart- Next come the compliments and/ “Is the area of this shape shaped boxes, heart-shaped choco- or declarations of affection. Feel hard to get? Pftt, no. It’s late, and last-minute panic. No free to get as metaphorical as you a freaking rectangle!” idea what to get your special some- want with these. Compare their — Dr. Thomas, raising one? Want to snag that foxy babe? blue (green? You weren’t really his students’ confidence Forgotten about the holiday alto- looking at those...) eyes to two lim- one shape at a time. gether? Fear not, loyal reader. The pid pools you would like to bathe in, Flipside has you covered. or tell them how their twenty-four “I’m crazy, I own this place, The answer to your dilemma, pack abs have the beauty and struc- let’s play a game with my friend, is the humble love let- tural integrity of a well-constructed people.” ter. Compact, nonperishable, and bridge. Calculate the exact slope of — Dr. Mr. DeVasher. (mostly) nontransferable, the love their nose or tell them how you’re Full-contact chess, any- letter has a long, storied history of glad that they’re a constant in your one? being an acceptable substitute for variable-filled life. Stay away from any useful and/or valuable gift. It insecurities, though... no one really “If you don’t pass this shows caring, devotion, and if you wants to hear that ‘in the rosy glow quiz people will die. If He done me wrong play your cards right, makes it seem of our love, your thighs don’t look Reggie Wayne misses a as though you spent more than five nearly as fat as you think they do.’ pass people only THINK Melissa Schwenk these losses aren’t actually personal minutes writing it. More impor- Then, sign your name. Seriously. they’ll die….this quiz is Hell hath no fury... affronts but to no avail. Her mother tantly, it’s cheaper than a Hall- This part is important. You don’t much more SERIOUS!” tried to protect her from the sordid mark card (let’s face it, you need want the tasty dish you’ve been — Dr. Graves, who In a move that surprised no one world of professional sports, sign- that $1.99 for your ultra-romantic facebook stalking to have to won- knows what really mat- but herself, Melissa Schwenk, a ing her up for ballet classes and V-Day dinner of two junior bacon der which of the creepy guys that sit ters in life. Rose-Hulman sophomore, was let music lessons. “She gets so into the cheeseburgers. Yum.) and won’t behind her in DE sent her the letter. down by yet another man she loved games and these relationships with get glitter everywhere. That’s just bad form. in that oh-so-special way. the players, sending cards to them All love letters follow the same Then you’re set. You’ve done Rose professors are known “I really wasn’t expecting it this after every game, for every holiday, essential format. First, there’s your part, and you can proceed to for saying wacky things, time. I mean, everyone told me not and on their birthday. I tried to the opening. Usually a pet name forget about the holiday for the next so write them down and to get my hopes up but after such a channel her energy elsewhere when or a term of endearment, this is 364 and a half days. And if your let- send them in to thorn- successful season, how could I not she was younger but her father in- especially useful if you can’t actu- ter doesn’t work? You can look for- [email protected] expect Peyton Manning to bring sisted that she play softball. I com- ally remember the object of your ward to spending V-Day with three home another Super Bowl?” Sadly, pletely blame him for her interest in affection’s name due to insufficient of your closest friends: Ben, Jerry, this was not the case for the young sports and her failed love life,” said stalking. Their actual name also and Mr. Jack Daniels. fan. Having dreamed of that Sun- Mamma Schwenk. day when Peyton would look into Several advocacy groups have the camera after winning that game taken a special interest in Schwenk. and mouth the words “I love you,” The group, Women who Love Men she was completely and utterly dev- who Let Them Down, or WLMLTD, astated by the man. have asked her to speak at their This was not the first time the next event, a fundraiser that raises Chemical Engineering major had money to buy the jewelry that men been let down by a man. From have neglected to buy. “She really the time she met an ex-boyfriend’s is inspiring,” said Helga Mildred, grandparents right before meeting spokesperson for WLMLTD. “Even his new girlfriend to the time the after all these year, [Schwenk] con- Cubs made it to the playoffs to get tinues to cheer for these men who swept, Schwenk has come to expect have let her down, even when they the worst when it comes to the male have made no effort to change. She species. is a hero for all of us who have de- “When the Chicago Cubs lost spaired about the men in our life.” during the playoffs in 2008, I was Although she was horribly let let down. Not that I didn’t expect down last weekend, Schwenk says it, since they haven’t won a World she will continue to support Pey- Series since 1908 but I was really ton Manning. “He is the num- expecting [Aramis] Ramírez to pull ber one man in my life right now. out all the stops for my high school Wait, baseball season is starting graduation present.” soon? Oh Soriano, I hear you call- Family and friends have tried ing. Don’t worry! I’ll be at the for years to convince Schwenk that home opener!” Carly Baehr - When they ask to talk, you should probably run. This is the Flipside disclaimer, where I, Noël Spurgeon, refuse to take responsibility for everything you see. The stuff that appears on this page does not represent the opinions of the Rose Thorn, Rose-Hulman, the people who wrote them, or anyone else. So... do you love the Flipside? In a borderline inappropriate way? Send me some chocolate. CM 1922. I’ll be grateful for at least fifteen to twenty minutes. Also, remember kids, it’s not the size of the vector that counts, its how you apply the force. Ooooooh yeah. There’s a cross-product joke in her somewhere...