Building and Enhancing Efficacious Coparenting in Parenting Coordination

8/31/2020

JAMES P. MCHALE, PH.D. & DEBRA K. CARTER, PH.D.

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Parenting coordination, a dispute resolution process for some families characterized by high conflict coparenting, is intended to augment parenting and coparenting, mitigate risks to children, and enhance positive child outcomes.

Coparenting solidarity is a catalyst for children’s healthy outcomes and goes beyond the absence of conflict, disparagement and undermining. It is an active process intended to create a functional child-focused partnership to better meet the child’s emotional and social needs.

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Poll #1: Is there a difference between coparenting and Coparenting?

 Answers:

 No, just semantics

 Yes, bad copy-editing

 No, coparenting with or without a hyphen refers to two parents who are the legal parents of their children.

 Yes, coparenting without a hyphen is used inclusively to describe the efforts of all families in the raising of children for whom they share responsibility

Coparenting Definition

Coparenting, once conceived narrowly as the post-divorce arrangements

brokered by children’s mothers and fathers, is now understood to be an

enterprise undertaken by virtually all families worldwide. Coparenting

systems in families are formed by the two or more adults who together

take on the socialization, care, and upbringing of children for whom

they share responsibility (McHale, Lauretti, Talbot, & Pouquette, 2002).

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How do you promote collaborative coparenting for parents in conflict?

 Two emerging innovative trends:

Parallel/Disengaged Model

“Through the Eyes of the Child,” a variable of Focused Coparenting Consultation (McHale & Carter, 2012; 2017; McHale, Carter, Miller & Fieldstone, 2020)

How Do PCs Manage High Conflict Behaviors?

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Coparents’ may have had long-standing conflicts over:

 communication  anger management  parenting style  substance use  sexual intimacy  work and family balance  division of family responsibilities  or debt and finances

Conflict Emerges => Legal-Adversarial

 The intensity of conflict escalates.  Separation and divorce create a context for serious incidents to cause a breach in the relationship  Coparents jump into a legal- adversarial environment.

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► Coparents “climb the hill” of conflict with ► escalating threats, ► communication cut-off, ► and the involvement of third parties. ► Involvement in less adversarial processes such as divorce education, parent skills-based programs, collaborative processes, and mediation fail to resolve conflict ► and the conflict entrenches.

Litigants Don’t Make Good Coparents*

 Involvement in adversarial court processes (hearings, child custody evaluations, trials) reinforces motivations or outcomes that are antithetical to functional coparenting.

 The longer coparents engage in this litigative context, the more intractable their conflict becomes.

*Sullivan & Burns, 2020

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Sullivan & Burns, 2020

How does Parenting Coordination manage intractable conflict and move coparents to peacemaking?

Climbing the Hill

Often involves failed peacemaking attempts followed by intensified conflict.

 Primary role of PC during this phase:  Contain  manage and ideally  reduce the level of conflict  Support adequate child-focused information-sharing  and decision-making

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PCs create a parallel model of coparenting

 Eliminate the opportunity for coparents to engage in a way that maintains or escalates conflict.  A parallel or disengaged model of coparenting minimizes the most toxic factors impacting children’s outcomes after divorce - interparental conflict.

Tools that support Parallel Coparenting

 Very detailed parenting plans  Use of online shared parenting platforms  PC functions as the interface between coparents  PC structures, monitors, and enforces how communication between the coparents More Traffic occurs– Cop than “Team” builder

PC may need to make MORE DECISIONS during this phase, but should be cautious

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Stalemate (top of the curve)

 Eventually, it becomes obvious, at least to the court and the professionals working with the parents, that continued court involvement is counterproductive.

 Neither coparent can “win.”

 This is the point in the conflict that the coparents, with the encouragement of outside professionals, may agree to work with a PC.

The PC can help coparents move to the right side of the intractable conflict curve.

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How can you tell if parents are ready to build a constructive coparenting team?

 Insert Poll #2

Poll #2: Two questions

 Q1 - Coparenting solidarity refers to: Answers:  Absence of conflict between parents  Reduced disparagement of and undermining of the other parent  A passive process defined by a court’s order  An active process co-constructed by the parenting adults

 Q2 – A functional coparenting partnership allows all involved adults to:

► become and remain jointly attuned to the child’s emotional needs;

► be consistent and predictable in how they regulate and socialize the child;

► foster security and safety within the child’s everyday life space; and

► communicate and collaborate so as to provide one another with support and solidarity of perspective and resolve

► All of the above.

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Moving away from a myopic view

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Every child can benefit if adults work together to address the child’s needs…

And every child can hurt if coparenting adults fail to communicate and cooperate

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Why is coparenting so important? Triangular vs. 2+1 views of family

Coparenting is a triangular construct

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While children develop attachments to individuals, these attachments evolve in the context of families Alan Sroufe Salvador Minuchin

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Through a triangular lens, the pertinent question is: what does the coparenting alliance look and feel like, through the child’s eyes?

Quality of coparenting powerfully affects infants’ and young children’s socioemotional development

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This begins very early on, years before families break up: Coparenting shapes young children’s adjustment

We now know that coparenting dynamics take shape from earliest infancy, and endure through time

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They are shaped by many factors –among them, parents’ states of mind with respect to attachment

We examined 3-Month Coparenting Behavior as a Function of Parents’ States of Mind with Respect to Attachment Mother Insecure… Father Insecure…

0.8 0.8

0.7 0.7

0.6 0.6

0.5 0.5

0.4 0.4

0.3 0.3 0.2 0.2 0.1 0.1 0 0 Father Secure Father Insecure Mother Secure Mother Insecure Cohesion Conf lic t Cohesion Conflict

Less Cohesion t = -2.24, p < .01 More Conflict: t = 2.33, p < .05 Less Conflict: t = -2.03, p < .05

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But when both parents IN SAME FAMILY were considered… Overall F = 4.59, p < .001; Cohesion F = 5.14, p < .01; Conflict F = 3.82, p < .05 n= 13 1

0.9 n= 41 n= 11 0.8

0.7

0.6

0.5 n= 20 0.4

0.3

0.2

0.1

0 Both Secure FS-MI FI-MS Both Insecure

Cohesion Conflict

FI-MS lower in Cohesion than Both Secure; FS-MI higher in Conflict than FI-MS Talbot, Baker & McHale, (2009) Sharing the love: Coherence of mind forecasts coparenting adjustment during early infancy. Parenting: Science and Practice, 9, 56-77.

Early-emerging triangular capacities of even 3-month-old infants are associated with quality of coparenting in their family

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Coparenting affects capacities for self-regulation, safety, and security

As children age, their adaptive capacities are powerfully influenced by coparenting. Toddlers whose parents coparent poorly…

are rated by their parents as showing more total behavior problems on the CBCL 1 ½-5 are rated by childcare providers as showing poorer attentional and pre-academic skills on the CABI exhibit a less mature understanding of different emotions on standard developmental assessments display less self- and more other-regulation when frustrated (in delay-of-gratification challenges)

McHale, J. (2007), Charting the Bumpy Road of Coparenthood. Washington, DC: Zero to Three Press

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Why is coparenting solidarity so important for regulation and security?

Children’s safety and security in the family is the foundation

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If there is not family-level security, children’s adjustment is compromised

Strengthening coparenting strengthens children’s adjustment

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The family triangle is indelible

Nothing about children’s needs for family-level security changes post- divorce

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Coparenting work in Parenting Coordination

 Versatile and multifaceted  Occurs throughout the process  Eliciting goals and objectives  Reframe obstacles as necessary stepping-stones as compared to stumbling blocks

Gardening Analogy

 Preparing the soil  Planting Seeds of Peace  Nurturing Growth  Keeping out the weeds

The PC’s role and functions, primarily focused on de- escalating conflict, shift when parents move into the right side of the curve.

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Identifying shared aspirations between parents for their children

Small Steps to Big Goals

► After a time of relatively low- conflict minimal engagement, ► coparents can build more cooperative interactions. ► Parenting coordination builds the structure and skills for coparents to make progress toward an effective coparenting team.

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Another key element to change is

 PCs often become the bearer of bad news when telling parents the research about child outcome risk factors.  It must be paired with research about factors associated with resiliency.  Normalizing and predicting setbacks can be a very helpful tool for the PC.

Coparenting Work Through Parent Education

 Improving outcomes for children AND  Interrupting destructive intergenerational cycles of interparental conflict and adverse youth outcomes.

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Frequent topics and related social science literature addressed during the educative process include:

 Short & long-term negative impact of parental conflict on children  Factors that contribute to healthy child development  Independent and complementary benefits offered by mother and fathering  Different models of coparenting  Rationale for a detailed unambiguous parenting plan  Understanding the many factors that contribute to parent-child contact problems  Parenting styles  Reliability of children’s reports

Poll #3:– 2 questions

► 1. Research on effects of interparental conflict on children: ► Started when the divorce rate in North America reached 50% ► Is still an emerging field with no conclusive evidence ► Dates back to early 1930s with strong evidence of adverse impact on children ► 2. Children who witness conflict between parents that is frequent, intense, and poorly resolved are at risk for negative developmental outcomes (check all that apply): ► Increased anxiety ► Depressive symptoms ► Aggression ► Antisocial behavior ► Poor academic attainment ► Dropping out of school ► Substance misuse ► Criminality ► Suicide attempts

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Research on effects of interparental conflict on children – 1931 to present

 Children who witness conflict between parents that is frequent, intense, and poorly resolved are at risk for negative developmental outcomes:  Increased anxiety  Depressive symptoms  Aggression  Antisocial behavior  Poor academic attainment  Dropping out of school  Substance misuse  Criminality  Suicide attempts

Amato, 2000; Asarnow, Carlson, & Guthrie, 1987; Bernet et al., 2016; Cowan & Cowan, 2002; Davies & Cummings, 1994; Davies & Cummings, 2002; Grych & Fincham, 1990; Grynch, Fincham, Jouriles, & McDonald, 2000; Harold & Conger, 1997; Harold et al., 2017;Harold, Shelton, Goeke-Morey, & Cummings, 2004; Harold, Elam, Lewis, Rick & Thapar, 2012; Rhoades, 2008; Roustit et al., 2011; Towle, 1931; Vezzetti, 2016.

Coparenting Work throughout the Process

 Parents engaged in high conflict coparenting require detailed and unambiguous parenting plans with clearly articulated protocols for parent communication and child-related information sharing.

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PC’s functions as a “good parent” and a “container”

Essential Tools for a PC

Rules of engagement for parental behavior Communication protocol Teaching problem-solving skills Model perspective-taking and critical thinking Guide parents toward reasonable approaches to gathering and analyzing information Teach and model constructive conflict resolution

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Frequently,

 Parenting Education  Coaching  Assistance implementing the parenting plan  Conflict management  Facilitation  Negotiation  Consensus-building

DO NOT TAKE!

Bringing Parents Together in Child-Centered Teambuilding

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WHY Focused Coparenting Consultation? Research on the Yields of Parenting Coordination

Early Published PC Process/Outcome Studies

1‐ Robin O. Belcher‐Timme, Hal S. Shorey, Zoe Belcher‐Timme, and Elisabeth N. Gibbings. 2013. EXPLORING BEST PRACTICES IN PARENTING COORDINATION. FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 51 No. 4, October 2013 651–665 2‐ Linda Fieldstone, Mackenzie C. Lee, Jason K. Baker, and James P. McHale. 2012. PERSPECTIVES ON PARENTING COORDINATION:VIEWS RENTINGOF PA COORDINATORS, ATTORNEYS AND JUDICIARY MEMBERS. FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 50 No. 3, July 2012 441– 454 3‐ Sherrill Hayes, Melissa Grady, and Helen T. Brantley. 2012. E‐MAILS, STATUTES, AND PERSONALITY DISORDERS:A CONTEXTUAL EXAMINATION OF THE PROCESSES,INTERVENTIONS, AND PERSPECTIVES OF PARENTING COORDINATORS. FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 50 No. 3, July 2012429–44 4‐ Linda Fieldstone, Debra K. Carter, Timothy King, and James P. McHale. 2011. TRAINING, SKILLS, AND PRACTICES OF PARENTING COORDINATORS: FLORIDA STATEWIDE STUDY. FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 49 No. 4, October 2011 801–81.

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Early Published PC Process/Outcome Studies

5- Sherrill W. Hayes. 2010. “MORE OF A STREET COP THAN A DETECTIVE”: AN ANALYSIS OFTHE ROLES AND FUNCTIONS OF PARENTING COORDINATORS IN NORTH CAROLINA. FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 48 No. 4, October 2010 698–709

6- Wilma J. Henry, Linda Fieldstone, and Kelly Bohac. 2009. PARENTING COORDINATION AND COURT RELITIGATION:A CASE STUDY. FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 47 No. 4, October 2009 682– 6977-

7- Karl Kirkland and Matthew Sullivan. 2008. PARENTING COORDINATION (PC) PRACTICE: A SURVEY OF EXPERIENCED PROFESSIONALS. FAMILY COURT REVIEW, Vol. 46 No. 4, October 2008 622–63 8- Serpil Ergun, Evaluating parenting coordination: does it really work? Institute for Court Management ICM Fellows Program 2015-2016 Court Project Phase May 2016, Chief Magistrate Cuyahoga County Court of Common Pleas Division of Domestic Relations, Cleveland, Ohio

Some Key Questions about Effectiveness of Parenting Coordination

 What do we know about any short- or longer- term aftereffects of Parenting Coordination on strengthening coparenting or on impelling child adjustment?  What could be improved upon to achieve Parenting Coordination’s as-yet untapped potential for helping to strengthen the post- divorce adjustment of children and families?

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NCPC-USFSP Collaboration 2013-2020

 Obtained feedback from 30 parents and PCs from common cases regarding experiences with and outcomes of their already-completed PC processes  Adapted and piloted an existing coparenting intervention (Focused Coparenting Consultation, or FCC) to better meet needs voiced by the parties in PC -- with the central focus on the parties’ child(ren)  Forthcoming: Piloting of the intervention with trained PCs to better determine who benefits, and to establish the extent of benefits accrued

Study of Parties’ Experiences

 Reports from at least two -- and whenever possible all three -- independent informants (i.e., the two parents and their PC) to examine similarities and differences in what they think actually transpired during their PC process.  Two parallel interview protocols, one for PCs and one for parents. Both included brief process-focused scales and open-ended items inviting unique perspective  Because both parent and PC ratings of the PC process were obtained retrospectively, ratings may be colored by post-intervention functioning

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Findings

Parties’ (retrospective) reports of coparental adjustment PRE and POST Parenting Coordination

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Parties’ (retrospective) reports of child adjustment PRE and POST Parenting Coordination

Summary: Modest gains for coparenting, no significant changes in child adjustment

 Parents (but not PCs) reported having improved in reducing acrimony and triangulation – but not communication.  No consistent findings were found for child improvements.  Shifts were all in the right direction, but the changes reported – where changes were seen at all -- were relatively modest.

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Litmus test: Surprise question during the interview: What does your child like most about his/her other parent?

Responses from mothers when asked what their child especially liked about how his or her father is parenting him/her:

Percentage of Response Category Example Response Responses “That he loves her unconditionally-- she knows that. She enjoys going  Unequivocally and readily over there and spending time. He's identifies positive coparent remarried, so I know that's a big plus 14% attribute for her, and … everyone just being positive” (Mother, Unit 8).

 Identifies positive coparent “She would say that her dad loves attribute but with difficulty or her, that he's supportive of her. I think with mixed or mildly sometimes her frustration is that "Dad 57% ambivalent qualifier never answers her phone." (Mother, Unit 11).

 Unable to identify positive “I would say that one of the things coparent attribute or he probably likes is his dad lets him disqualifies attribute by do things that I don't let [him] do” 29% adding clearly negative (Mother, Unit 3). qualifier

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Responses from fathers when asked what their child especially liked about how his or her mother is parenting him/her:

Percentage of Response Category Example Response Responses “He thinks we’re awesome. He  Unequivocally and loves his dad and he loves his readily identifies mom” (Father, Unit 3). 25% positive (Infant child) coparent attribute

 Identifies positive She loves her mom. Maybe she coparent attribute but would say, ‘I wish my mom with difficulty or with would spend more time with 50% mixed or mildly me.’ I don't know” (Father, Unit ambivalent qualifier 5).

 Unable to identify “I couldn't tell you” (Father, Unit positive coparent 9). attribute or disqualifies attribute by adding 25% clearly negative qualifier

Would parents or PCs find an approach more directly focused on improving the family’s coparenting partnership useful?

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ABSOLUTELY. Virtually all Parenting Coordinators and all Parents agreed that a service focused on coparenting would be a valuable complement

 “When you get well-established adults that have a way of thinking, someone has to help teach that [new] way of thinking … just telling us to do it doesn’t necessarily accomplish it. So, yeah, I would think [TEC would] be helpful…” (Father, Unit 1).  “Yes. I think it would be a way for parents to come together for the child and being able to open up some more meaningful dialog with each other and take that hostility and anger out of it” (Mother 1, Unit 11).  “I think it might have been [helpful]. I don't think I ever really got to the source of their anger with each other, but I didn't think that was in my portfolio. I do think that would be useful” (PC, Unit 11).

Illustration of the potential for unlocking child-centeredness…

 “I think [TEC] would have been more focused. I don't feel like we really received assistance on how to coparent and addressing those concerns that each of us have in understanding the other's perspective. I know we both love [our child]; we probably have different approaches to how to do things” (Mother, Unit 4).

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To improve coparenting, effective interventions cannot just “teach” - they must help parents recognize how children feel

Of existing interventions, only McHale & Irace’s (2010) Focused Coparenting Consultation – was predominantly experiential rather than didactic

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Focused Coparenting Consultation is a 3 stage process:

Stage 1: Heightening consciousness Stage 2: Selectively building skills Stage 3: Guiding parents through enactments

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Through the Eyes of the Child (TEC) follows FCC’s 3 stage process:

Stage 1: Heightens awareness and builds empathy for how and why conflict between the coparents threatens the child’s sense of security

Focused Coparenting Consultation (FCC) 3 stage process:

Stage 2: Builds listening and communication skills  Parents learn and practice skills for starting and maintaining a dialogue Stage 3: Guides parents through enactments  With consciousness raised and new skills learned, parents identify and discuss their particular hot-button issues, with active coaching  At the conclusion of the work, parents work collaboratively to create a shared plan

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TEC Modules

 Session 1: Why TEC?

 Session 2: The Significance of Coparenting for Children whose Parents Divorce

 Session 3: Coparenting & Family-Level Security

 Session 4: The Skills Are The Key

 Session 5: Trying It Out  Session 6: The Vision

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Do parents buy in? Two cases

Case 1

 Female PC  Parents are both 38 years old  Children are 10 and 12 years old  Time in parenting coordination- approximately 2 ½ years  Participated after parenting coordination ended - 10 months earlier  Both parents have remarried

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Family 2

 Male PC  Mom is 46, Dad is 42  Children are 11, 7 and 6  Still currently in parenting coordination  Time in parenting coordination prior to TEC- one year  Neither parent is remarried  Gatekeeping by mom’s parents was a complicating factor

In both cases, both coparents engaged, and completed the entire TEC curriculum

 Both sets of parents tried homework assignments  In each family there was at least one “aha” moment where they better saw their child’s perspective  The PCs, in both cases, felt TEC was more helpful in instigating positive movement than either of the parents.  Dads in both cases felt TEC was more helpful than the moms.

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Both sets of coparents engaged, and completed entire curriculum

 Mothers in both cases had reported feeling having had “no hope at all” for a better coparenting relationship prior to the TEC sessions.  Both mothers reported feeling “somewhat hopeful” afterward.  Fathers in both cases were also more hopeful about their ability to develop an effective coparenting relationship with their ex after completing the TEC sessions than they had been before the sessions.

What did parents say had the biggest impact?

 Bringing in photos of the children  It helped parents remember what the intervention was all about.  Child-centered video  All four parents said they didn’t realize how polarizing their process was and how it makes the children feel insecure.  The Bridge metaphor  Visualizing a child on a bridge, building it by complementing the other parent to the children

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What the parents had to say...

 I’m at that place again after the course— okay, let’s give it another shot. We’re taking steps now that we haven’t taken up to this point like me meeting with their stepdad and my ex-wife meeting my wife. (Family 1 dad)  The most important thing I learned was just remembering that the kids do come from both of us and their not just mine. (Family 2 mom)

What was most eye-opening to the parents....

 When I complimented him (her ex) in front of my children...the 6 year old said, “Why did you say that? You don’t even like each other.” It was sad. I didn’t realize that even the 6 year old sees us as very polarized. (Family 2 mom)  There was an exercise that got me thinking back when I was a kid and I have good memories of my childhood...realizing my kids are going to look back on their childhood one day on this time they’re in right now... (Family 1 dad)

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What was most impactful about the curriculum....

 Watching a child’s perception of his parents faces turning to monsters (on video).  Visualizing building a bridge and not bringing the children into the parents’ differences. (Family 2 dad)  Contemplating emotional impact on children and their future, remembering how what happened early in (own) life affected me throughout my life. (Family 1 dad)

Screening & Contraindications

 Domestic Violence  De-stabilized family units  Children’s needs urgent or immediate  Parents’ mental health  Parents’ substance abuse/dependence  Active litigation

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Resources for Professionals and Parents

WWW.THENCPC.COM WWW.AFCCNET.ORG

Presenters contact info:

Debra K. Carter, Ph.D James P. McHale, Ph.D. 4835 27th St W, Ste 125 100 5th Ave S Bradenton, FL 34207 St Petersburg, FL 33701 888-455-NCPC 727-873-4848 www.TheNCPC.com www.usfsp.edu/fsc