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Script Written by Alecia Maslechko Characters © JK Rowling

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Script Written by Alecia Maslechko Characters © JK Rowling SEX ED AT HOGWARTS Script written by Alecia Maslechko Characters © JK Rowling SEX ED AT HOGWARTS Script written by Alecia Maslechko © 2012 Characters © JK Rowling Rating: PG Performance Level: Average Memorization level: Fairly Easy This script is for pure comedic entertainment, and works well as a short play for high school or middle school performances. It is in no way meant to criticize or offend. For very mild language (mostly the mention of sex), Disclaimer: I do not own any character in this play; all are created and owned by JK Rowling. If you wish to use this script: 1. Please email me at [email protected] with: -your name, occupation, and city -What you will be using the script for (School Play, Community Theatre, Drama Club etc.) 2. I would like Credit at performances (It’s pronounced: Mas-Lech-ko, just like it’s spelled) 3. I would also like photos, and if possible, a video of the performance sent to me, as it will be good to have for my film portfolio. 4. I would also adore a review, any thoughts or comments you have. My drama class preformed it, and it was a VERY fun short play to work on. You may NOT under any circumstances: 1. Re-type this script without the watermark. But feel free to use and photocopy this version! 2. Pass off the script as your own 3. Change large parts of the script, and then Pass off the script as your own. HOWEVER, if you need to make small alterations in order to suit your cast, you may do so. As long as I am given credit. (You may want to give JK Rowling Credit too..you never know when she’ll sue you) CHARACTERS Severus Snape -23 lines lead role, be able to yell LOUD. Not happy to be teaching this class. Draco Malfoy -8 lines Sarcastic, Smart-ass. Thinks he’s the bomb. Be willing to stage kiss. Hermione Granger -7 lines Less lines, but vocab is a tad more complex. Keen, eager know it all. Fred Weasley -7 lines Funny guy, Jokester, always right next to George. George Weasley -7 lines Basically the same character as Fred. Except his name is George. Ron Weasley -6 lines Ron has shorter, easy lines. Sitting by Lavender make him uncomfortable. Ginny Weasley -5 lines Like Ron, she has shorter lines. She is trying not to say too much.. Harry Potter -5 lines Just chilling next to Ginny. But be prepared to lock lips with Malfoy. Luna Lovegood -4 lines Less lines, but they’re very funny and longer than Ron’s or Harry’s. Neville Longbottom -3 lines Short, few, lines, But a babe. We’re going with the Stud Muffin-Neville. Lavender Brown -3 lines Short lines. Be comfortable cuddling Ron’s arm the WHOLE TIME. Set 1 teachers desk 10 chairs (10 desks optional) Room may have healthy choices posters, diagrams, etc. Snape has a textbook called “The Magic of Sex” Paper airplanes for Fred and George to throw? Costumes Easy Costumes would be all black. If possible, Hogwarts scarves for students: 8 Gryffindor, 1 Slytherin, 1 Ravenclaw (cheap on ebay!) Also accessorize for students, eg. Scar and glasses for Harry, freckles for the weasleys etc. Black cloak for snape. (I wore and oversized black mens suit, and a witch hat with purple hair..it ended up being very funny.) Boss-looking sunglasses and chest hair for Neville? INT-Day, Hogwarts Classroom A couple students began on stage. Others enter casually, talking loudly, enjoying each others company. SNAPE enters classroom 001- SNAPE Now class, today we will be learning about (coughs into hand as he says) sex (STUDENTS continue to talk, so he raises voice slightly) 002- SNAPE (CON’T) learning about sex. (chatter contines) 003- SNAPE (CON’T) I said..SEX! (class is silent) 004- SNAPE (CON’T) Now that I have your attention, I would like to welcome you to sex education. FRED and GEORGE enter 005- FRED Oi! Snape! What'd we miss? 006- GEORGE Hopefully not too much, I’ve been looking forward to this class for weeks! (both laugh) 007- SNAPE (scowls) Late as usual weasleys. I was just about to call role. (clears throat) Ahem, Brown, Lavender. 008- LAVENDER here! Right new to won-won! (cuddles up to him, RON looks uncomfortable) 009- SNAPE (uncomfortable) Ah yes..I see that. Granger, Hermione. 010- HERMIONE yes sir! I'm right here! 010- SNAPE eccentric as always I see miss granger. Longbottem, Neville Neville stands up, light shines upon his sexy body, angels sing in his glory. He sparkles a bit too SFX-church choirsinging : AHHHHHH 011- NEVILLE yeah. 012- SNAPE Lovegood, Luna 013- LUNA Here sir, and I was wondering...what happened to make Dumbledore introduce this course? 014- SNAPE it seems two students were frolicking in a sea of raging hormones...in the prefects bathroom. 015- STUDENTS OOOOHH (lots of giggles) 016- SNAPE Malfoy, Draco 017- RON Wait, It was Draco? 018- FRED No you prat, he's calling role. 019- GEORGE Anyways, the only girl that'll give Draco a snog or two is his mum! 020- DRACO Shut up! 021- SNAPE My thoughts exactly, thank you Draco. Potter, Harry 022- HARRY yes 023- SNAPE The proper term Potter, is "here". 10 points from Gryffindor. Last and of course, Least: Weasley, times 4. 034- FRED,GEORGE,RON,GINNY (hands shoot up) Here! 035- SNAPE How glorious..we seem to all be present. Now what do we know about sex? (HERMIONES hand shoots up, he ignores it) 036- SNAPE (CON`T) Anyone else? GINNY puts her hand up politely 037- SNAPE (CON`T) (Glad someone else is giving an answer) Ah yes! Miss Weasley? 038- GINNY Hermione has her hand up. (very Matter-o’-Factly) 039- SNAPE thank you miss Weasley. (sighs) Miss granger? 040- HERMIONE (Jumps up, excitedly) The definition of sex is "sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse. It also refers to either male or female division of a species. 041- FRED wait, it means male and female? So I'm a sex? 042- GEORGE same here! I'm a sex! Rons a girl so he must be a sex too! 043- RON Shut up George. 044- DRACO obviously he's a guy, I bet granger knows that reeeal well. 045- HERMIONE Excuse me? (in disbelief) 046- LAVENDER HEY! Won-won is MINE! (noise has been slowly building up to this point, now students began to argue) 047- SNAPE SILENCE! (room goes quiet) ..thankyou 048- HERMIONE Sir, I was also wondering if you could explain the mechanics of sex? 049- NEVILLE It probably looks something like me. SFX: Choir Sings again as he stands 050- SNAPE Remember children..and Neville, it's not all about looks, it's a magical journey filled with love and joy and.. Things like that. 051- FRED Have you ever had sex snape? 052- SNAPE Well i- 053- GEORGE Nah he had a thing for Lily Evens though! 054- SNAPE Now see here- 055- GINNY Harrys mum? 056- DRACO Ha! You potters really have a thing for redheads. 057- HERMIONE I don't feel comfortable being taught about sex by someone who's never had it! 058- SNAPE THAT'S ENOUGH! Detention weaslys, for asking such an inappropriate question! Like I said...sex is about emotion and happiness and such. 059- LUNA Well After Harry and Ginny started doing it they seemed very happy. 060- HARRY Honestly Luna- 061- DRACO DID YOU REALLY NEED TO SMEAR THAT REPULSIVE IMAGE INTO OUR MINDS? 062- FRED Hey Ginny, does mum know? 063- GINNY I swear Fred, if you say anything- 064- GEORGE Can I tell her then? 065- GINNY NO! 066- RON Relax Ginny 067- SNAPE Alright! let's turn this into a scenario. Let's say Mr. Potter and miss Weasley have just had a lovely day in hogsmead, and they find themselves wandering off to the shrieking shack, all alone. What would be a good choice? 068- NEVILLE Hermione could ditch ron and call me up. 069- DRACO No one cares about your dazzling good looks longbottom , so shut it. 070- HERMIONE (raises her hand and blurts out) They would use protection! 071- RON abstinence is a good choice too Ginny 072- SNAPE Both correct. Now what would be the wrong choice? 073- LUNA Well if Harry had Gillywarts then it might not be a good idea. 074- HARRYLuna! Can we please leave me out of this discussion? 075- FRED oh come on now Harry! 076- GEORGE Gillywarts is completely treatable! 077- RON Lay off him Fred 078- LAVENDER Oh your so caring and kind won-won! ((Snuggles up to Ron) 079- HERMIONE (Highly Irritated) And your so ANNOYING lavender! 080- DRACO No one wants to hear you speak mudblood! 081- HARRY I could say the same about you Malfoy! 082- DRACO (stands) oh yeah? 083- HARRY yeah! (they do some battle, like a cat fight. Call each other rude things, draco mocks his scar, etc.) 084- DRACO (grabs harries shirt collar) I hate you! 085- HARRY I hate you more! (stage kiss) They push eachother offstage, snogging the whole time. SNAPE motions and students rise, as he waves his arms like a musical director, the students sing the Harry potter theme song. 086- STUDENTS (Singing) Use Con-dom-dom-dom, dom-dom-doms, con-dom-dom-dom, dom-doms! 087- LUNA Especially If you have Gillywarts! LV Rogers Presents: Thursday Night Live Original Cast Severus Snape.................Alecia Maslechko Draco Malfoy..................Kazia Drake Hermione Granger.........Lisa Doyle Fred Weasley..................Baily Smith George Weasley.............Melinda Halstead Ron Weasley..................Heather Kramar Ginny Weasley..............Hannah Ockenden Harry Potter..................Callum Pengelly Luna Lovegood............
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