Generation Yawn
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The Undergraduate Magazine Vol. V, No. 15 | March 21, 2005 Single Serving Asshole Lone Home State California Dreamin’ It’s the Inflation, Stupid! Shira shares her airborne angst: where’s Michael clicks his heels and journeys Rob urges McPenntrification- all the way Thuy differentiates love and the a flight attendant when you need one? back to a land before liberals to L.A. excitable bulge in your pants. Page 3 Page 4 Page 5 Page 8 GENERATION YAWN LAUREN SAUL | WEEKLY SAULUTATIONS EVERY WEEK OR TWO, many newspa- pers run a token story about problems unique to our generation. We are ob- sessed with our possessions, we can’t go anywhere without our precious iPods, some of us jump through ridiculously twisted hoops to gain acceptance into top universities, we take drastic and un- healthy measures for the sake of appear- ances… the list goes on. The media and our Baby Boomer parents gripe endlessly about our materialism and the plethora of emotional issues which afflict us. This reaction may be the result of a lack of potential complaints — after all, our generation is not the dope-smoking, anti-establishment group of rebels that our parents reminisce of being. We aren’t challenging the status-quo with the same pitch as they did when they were young, and so we fail to bring them the level of outrage they bestowed their parents. Our pathos, instead, is something no one ever would have imagined: the quest for per- fection. The illegal usage of drugs like Adderall is widely known. Unlike our parents, who used drugs for fun purposes and to relax, we also use them to speed ourselves up so we can be even more productive. Red Bull is also a readily available and heavily marketed product, especially at colleges. Unlike some of our mothers, who swore off bras and other constraining clothing, we commit painful acts to improve our appearance. The most “scandalous” high school sto- ries often involve hordes of suburban teenagers gathering at an empty house and drinking kegs of beer. Therefore, I say, we may as well face it: our generation just isn’t that cool. The Zach Morris character from life is gone, and he took his silly antics with him to TV purgatory. The replacement: reality TV and shows like The OC, where any physical flaw is forbidden. Would it be possible to imagine the debut of a show with Saved by the Bell’s kooky-looking cast now, in 2005? I think not. Stories about frantic actions to gain acceptance into college are also a relatively new phenomenon, MARIAN LEE something we were the first to be greeted with upon coming of age. WATER VILLAGE In the past, fewer kids endeavored to be a super-athlete, musician, president of everything, and star. A recent Times article described how the number of sports injuries has increased tenfold in the DESTINATION: SEX past decade, because children are specializing in a particular sport early on, and spending all their time developing their skill in that particular game so they will have a special talent by the time they ROZ PLOTZKER | SEX AND THE UNIVERSITY reach college. Gone is the notion of “just playing.” Here at Penn, the pursuit of improving one’s resume never FOR MY SPRING BREAK VACATION, two friends and I planned a cross-country road trip. The final destination: Great Sand Dunes National Park, Colorado. For ends. Eating disorders are a well known problem and are in some months we charted routes and researched oddities to see along the way, such as the cases institutionalized. And many of us work really hard to re- world’s second biggest ball of twine in Kansas, the largest office chair in Alabama, and ceive good grades, all cool kid pretensions aside. Sleeping is passé the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices. We budgeted, we made lists and phone — that time is better spent partying hard or studying endlessly. calls, we bought books. Then, two days before departure, we found a last minute spe- Best situation: tell people you are doing the former while you are cial on a fight to Trinidad, so we went there instead. actually holed up in your room, learning accounting terms. Penn Like hundreds of other college students, we found ourselves on an airplane headed students are known (and stereotyped) for their amazing abilities for some wonderful sunny shore that would trick our skin into getting a tan (or in my to drink copious amounts of alcohol so as to party as much as their case a burnt back side) at the end of winter. Spring break is a lucrative industry, like state school compatriots a few miles west, while at the same time diet schemes or Ivy League universities. People buy trip packages. You get a place to go, a place to stay, things to studying intensely to get that good job. Perfection is a challenge, do, and most importantly a way to get there. because it requires balance. Many people impressively manage to Come March, college students and girls waiting to go wild assail the airlines. With this boom in vacationers, maintain this heady equilibrium, even if it involves studying with a combined with a shift in who is vacationing , not just retirees on bird watching expeditions anymore, I bet there’s hangover. However, for some people, it is a tough act to follow. a spike in new Mile High Club memberships. No offense to retirees. I’m sure they have exciting, vivacious sex lives My recommendation: everyone needs to take a chill pill. It is too, but let’s face it, even if the bird watchers were adventurous enough to sneak into the closet of a bathroom for harder than ever to, with societal pressures and the Ivy League some action, arthritis or some other condition would make it difficult to maneuver the right angles, thrusts, etc. ethos, but we only live once. If you’re joining clubs only to write How does one have sex on an airplane? Here’s some advice the Sex Clearing House had to offer: “About 1/3 of the leadership position you’re currently trying to get on your re- the way into the flight, when they start to wheel the carts down the aisles with peanuts or beverages, have one per- sume, I strongly encourage you to give up such practices. Inter- son go to the bathroom … about two minutes later, the other person heads to the rest room too.” The cart means the flight attendants are busy, and that people are staying in their seats. “Person no. 2 enters with a secret knock viewers may sense how dull you really are, and such antics will not (planned beforehand). A quick Are you OK? statement upon entering helps [to keep people unsuspicious]. Once go unnoticed by fellow students. Studying is valuable in modera- inside, lock the door and get busy! Flush the toilet when you’re finished, and hey, clean up after yourselves. On the tion, especially if it is without the aid of prescription drugs, and so way back to your seats, hold hands and have person 2 say, Are you sure you’re okay?” is partying. Self-discipline is an invaluable asset for anyone going On this particular flight, I had no such luck playing sick for a quickie, nor did my travel mates, since we all left through life with goals and hopes, but if it stifles creativity and our boyfriends at home. Not that the thought hasn’t crossed my mind: “Sex on an airplane? Cool!” But then again, one’s sense of adventure, it may become hard to remember why we sex anywhere is kind of cool. Except under the button! This is not cool! Little kids play there, for goodness sake. bothered with such efforts at all. At times people would benefit A few summers ago, a friend of mine found out the code to get into Franklin Field. He’d worked with one of from an aimless walk through Philly, or an out-of-the-blue conver- the athletic departments. Access to Franklin Field in the summer is like having a key to your own private, well, sation with an unexpected person, even if important work must get football field for lack of a more creative name. A group of us made a bet on who could sneak in and score on the done, or making an appearance somewhere is a priority because 50-yard line first. I was a shoe in to win since the only other person with a significant other was in a long distance it’s Thursday night. Overachievement, whether it’s to maintain a Continued on PAGE 5 Continued on PAGE 6 PAGE 2 MARCH 21, 2005 | FIRST CALL | VOL. V NO. 15 FirstCall Editorial Vol. V, No. 15 | March 21, 2005 The Undergraduate Magazine ROCK ON, PHILADELPHIA Editor-in-Chief Robert Forman Though you might not know it from the near-total campus outrage with this year’s Spring Fling Concert line-up, Philadelphia and rock music actually do mix in a way quite unlike oil and vinegar. Editors Andrew Pederson Perhaps you’ve been living under a rock or on a tropical island for a week somewhere toward the be- Lauren Saul ginning of March, but Y100 is no more. Radio One, the parent company, took Y100 off the air due to poor Arbitron ratings in order to pave the way for rebranding and yet another local hip-hop rap Assistant Editor Anna Stetsovskaya station. Don’t get us wrong: we like these genre.