The King has landed: what happened when Paxman returned to Cambridge on varsity.co.uk

The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 | varsity.co.uk | Friday November 10 2006 | Issue 646 Academic Upset »Varsity survey reveals majority of academics have considered leaving their job

Finance also appeared a major con- ficient financial support available, as a really bright British undergraduates is need to act immediately to prevent lec- TOM WOOLFORD cern for many academics. “The pay is right, to support research and teaching not considering continuing with this as turers leaving their jobs, and to ensure News Reporter pathetic”, said one, while another without me having to spend a large pro- a career?” She predicted that British that future generations are not com- admitted to being tempted by “higher portion of my time chasing minuscule universities will increasingly have to pletely discouraged from entering aca- A University and College Union (UCU) pay for much less intellectual effort” in resources from a state that talks high be staffed by foreign academics, blam- demia. From Varsity’s survey, it seems survey into academics’ job satisfaction the private sector. Even within the standards and prestigious research out- ing poor salaries for the state of affairs. that such a conclusion is especially appli- published last week has revealed that public sector the pay disparity is sig- put but doesn't want to pay for it”. The UCU argue that universities cable to Cambridge. 62 per cent have considered leaving nificant. A graduate entering the Civil But Dr Andrew Zurcher, an English their positions to work overseas or in Service Fast Stream could expect to fellow at Queens’ College, said that his the private sector. A Varsity survey has be earning between £34,000 and career choice had never been motivated this week found that this figure is likely £48,000 by their late twenties; Junior by quality of life considerations. “Most Time to stand and stare to be significantly higher in Cambridge, Research Fellowships in Cambridge of us are tired, haggard, often ill, and in with 76 per cent of those sampled offer salaries of approximately £14,500 a state of moral and political exhaustion admitting that they had considered tak- to £22,000. The attraction of overseas from trying to settle accounts between ing up academic posts abroad or aban- academic posts could be attributed in work, home, and civic life”, he doning academia altogether. part to higher salaries. A survey con- explained. “Few of us have any job The strain on academics caused by ducted four years ago by the security to speak of”, he added. “I cer- paperwork is comparable to the Association of Commonwealth tainly didn't elect this profession national average outlined by UCU, Universities showed that out of the six because I thought it was comfortable, with over a third of respondents claim- developed countries it studied, the UK or secure, or rewarding, in any simple ing that more than sixteen hours per offered the lowest payout for lecturers. sense”. Nevertheless, Dr Zurcher was week was given over to administra- Funding uncertainties also appear to “very satisfied” with his job. tion. This level of bureaucracy has be a cause for concern. One Geography Presented with Varsity’s findings, been described by one academic as professor argued “There should be suf- the University authorities seemed lit- “increasing amounts of ever-increasing tle surprised. Professor Andrew Cliff, trivia”. It seems Cambridge academics Pro-Vice-Chancellor for Research, work considerably longer hours alto- argued, “Cambridge is an internation- gether. The average unpaid workload ally renowned university in both teach- of respondents to our survey was 16.5 ing and research, and competes for its hours a week, significantly higher than academic staff in an international mar- the national average of 9 hours. One ket. It is no surprise, therefore, that academic described their overtime vol- our staff consider posts in overseas ume of work as “loads and loads”, while 76% rather than UK universities when another attributed their unhappiness have considered developing their careers, and do so in to having “too much work”. greater numbers than do staff in many The majority of Cambridge academ- leaving British UK universities”. He cited “low” annu- ics surveyed were satisfied with their al academic staff turnover figures of jobs. 71 per cent were prepared to rec- academia just under 10 per cent over the last four ommend it to their children, compared years as evidence of “a competitive to just 45 per cent in the UCU survey. edge in its recruitment and retention Fewer Cambridge academics claimed packages”. “Because Cambridge is that their job had been detrimental to internationally-renowned,” he contin- their health, although stress and ued, “it also has considerable success in “chronic fatigue” were mentioned as recruiting outstanding academic staff effects of the Cambridge environment. particularly from Universities in the But a significant minority of 12 per United States, Canada and the EU”. cent were dissatisfied in their work. But Vice-Chancellor Alison Richard One professor told Varsity “Morale is 16.5 appears to be more concerned with the low-to-rock-bottom in some areas. average weekly state of the profession. In an interview People feel exploited and under-valued with The Times on Tuesday, she posed when they look at their careers in com- hours of unpaid the question, “What does it say about parison to those of people of equal sta- the perception of universities in this EMILY WRIGHT tus in private industry”. overtime country if an ever-falling proportion of A gentleman wears a poppy ahead of Remembrance Sunday ARTS & FEATURES ARTS LIFESTYLE FEATURES Touched by Sex and The Varsity Jonathan the cinema Blind Ross Date »PAGE 14 »PAGE 20 »PAGE 32

2 varsity.co.uk/news | 10.11.06

Write for Varsity News: Newsdesk Meet 5.30pm Sundays in King’s College Bar In Brief Protest hits travel agents Volcanic ozone »Green activists attract police attention at climate change demonstration research Protestor Tess Riley from St The eruption of volcanoes destroys ALICE WHITWHAM Catharine’s College said, “We’re ozone, according to new research at happy to talk with the police. We Oxford and Cambridge. Two studies On Monday 6 November, police gave want to be in dialogue with them, not have shown, from analysing the 2000 out cautionary warnings and threat- in opposition to them”. She added eruption of the Hekla volcano in ened to issue £80 fines to students that “if the police are concerned Iceland, that “mini-ozone holes” are protesting outside the Flight Centre about questions of legality, they created during eruptions by chemical on Sidney Street. should focus their attention on the reactions of volcanic gases. The In conjunction with the activist- actions of airlines and not on peaceful research’s leaders now hope to invest- group Plane Stupid, the students were student protests”. gate the effects of much larger vol- campaigning to raise awareness about Gary Fitzgibbon, manager of canic eruptions. Jamie Munk the high levels of carbon emitted dur- Flight Centre, complained to the ing short haul flights, a major factor police that the group were stopping contributing to climate change. people from entering the shop. Police warned that fines would be Fitzgibbon admitted that while air New homes near imposed on the grounds that the travel is a “significant factor” in caus- Trumpington group were obstructing the highway. ing environmental damage, he added that “campaigning outside a retail Plans are in the pipeline for a new shop is not going to help”. housing development programme on “police aggres- Fitzgibbon’s response reflects the the outskirts of the city. Plans reactions of a number of airlines to last announced in May revealed that a sive and unrea- week’s Sterne report, which argued total of 6,500 new homes will be built that reducing air traffic would be cru- on former green belt land between sonable... way cial in preventing climate change. In a Trumpington and Addenbrooke’s. It is report issued by the Guardian on hoped that this “affordable housing”, beyond what is Sunday 5 November, a spokesperson for which the occupier pays less than necessary” from Easyjet said that airlines were the market rates, will provide much- being unfairly vilified in the climate needed low-price accommodation for change debate, while Ryanair and local residents. Jessica King Thomsonfly suggested that the intro- duction of a green tax to force holiday- makers to fly less often would only A spokesperson from Cambridgeshire benefit the treasury. Jewish Shabbaton Constabulary told Varsity that the In response to the attempts made in Brooklyn students “were blocking the footpath, by the aviation industry to defend Student protesters negotiate with police on Monday EMILY WRIGHT forcing members of the public to walk itself, Laura Eddings, a protester liv- Last weekend, eleven members of the on the road and into traffic”. Elizabeth ing in Cambridge said, “that’s Stupid, and was the first of a num- coal-fired power station in Britain. CU Chabad Jewish Society made Dodd, a second year at Magdalene absolutely not the scientific opinion. ber of demonstrations taking place But Eddings stated that relying their way to Brooklyn, New York, to College said that the police had been Climate change is happening now and across the country to mark the on groups to inaugurate a shift in represent Cambridge in the annual “aggressive and unreasonable” and any reputable report will tell you so. start of the UN International the mind-set of the country at large International Student Shabbaton. went “way beyond what is necessary”. Airlines have a vested interest in pro- Climate talks in Nairobi. Last was unrealistic; “Combating the The event centred on a traditional Lianne Hulbert, a third year at tecting their business”. September, Plane Stupid orches- problem of climate change depends Shabbat, the Jewish day of rest, and Corpus Christi, added that “dispersal The protest was organised by trated “The Camp for Climate on the efforts of both the govern- accompanied by lavish food, drink and dilutes the effect”. Green direct action group Plane Action” in Selby outside the largest ment and individuals”. singing, was attended by over 500 stu- dents from 70 universities around the world. One participant summed up the Gunpowder, treason and plot: New space centre is trip as “good banter, good cheesecake, and a moving atmosphere: good medi- Fireworks at Downing cine for week 5”. Michael Amior out of this world It will be led by George Efstathiou, AMY HOGGART director of Cambridge University’s African charity institute of Astronomy, who said that it cycle adventure Six million pounds is to be spent on a was a “privilege” for the university to new research centre in Cambridge host the project. A former Queens’ College student is to investigate the physics of the Fred Kavli, the Californian physicist cycling from London to Dakar, Africa early universe. and businessman who set up the Kavli to raise money for an AIDS charity. The project will be named the Kavli Foundation, highlighted Cambridge’s Douglas Brain, 23, began the 4,750 Institute for Cosmology after the “stellar record” in making “fundamen- mile ride on September 4 and hopes to Fred Kavli Foundation, which is pro- tal discoveries in science throughout reach Dakar by November 18. The viding the centre with a multi-million the ages”. Kavli added that, “with its journey will take him through seven pound endowment. Lord Martin Rees, traditions of excellence, I have great countries, three mountain ranges and President of the Royal Society, hope that the Kavli Institute for the Sahara desert. Brain hopes to Astronomer Royal and Master of raise £10,000 for SOS Children’s Trinity College, explained, “To remain Villages, a charity that provides “out- at the forefront of research requires reach” support to help child-led fami- the best instrumentation, the most “Cambridge has a lies in situ with food, medicine and a powerful computers and rigorous the- stellar record of little money. Lorna Collins oretical insight. The Kavli Foundation's generous support will fundamental sci- enhance Cambridge's role in advanc- ing understanding of this exciting sub- entific discovery” Needle stabbing ject”. at Soul Tree The project will bring together an academic team of at least 50 theoret- Police were called to Soul Tree on ical, experimental and observational Sunday 5 October at 10.39, in cosmologists from Cambridge’s response to an assault of bodily Institute of Astronomy, the harm which had been reported. Cavendish Laboratory and the Officers and an ambulance arrived Department of Applied Mathematics Cosmology at Cambridge will make on the scene after an informant com- and Theoretical Physics. It will focus major discoveries in the future." plained that he had been pricked by on the first few moments in the life of Professor Alison Richard, Vice- a needle on the dance floor. A the Universe. Chancellor of the University of spokesperson from Cambridgeshire The Institute is part of an interna- Cambridge, said “We applaud and Police told Varsity that no one has tional network of Kavli Foundation- appreciate Fred Kavli's determination yet been arrested. The police urge funded research centres. As the first of to accelerate, through international anyone who might have witnessed JOE GOSDEN its kind in Britain it will help to keep collaboration, our understanding of the offence to contact them as soon Friday 3 November: Downing plays host to a spectacular fireworks display. Cambridge firmly at the forefront of the Universe, and we are delighted to as possible. Alice Whitwham the fields of cosmology and astronomy. join this endeavour”.

varsity.co.uk/news | 10.11.06 3

Chief News Editors: Joe Gosden and Jamie Munk Listen to our news podcast Newsdesk Tel: 01223 353 422 Email: [email protected] at varsity.co.uk/podcast

A busy week in the laboratory for the scientists of Cambridge RACHEL HARDING »Intriguing new discoveries propel the University to the forefront of research

Concorde, will allow a slower the device are scheduled to begin in approximates the precision of a natu- studies into the fossilised neckbones NIKKI BURTON approach to landing, thus reducing January 2007. ral pancreas and should dramatically of Plesiosaurs conclude that the struc- RACHELLE ARULANANTHAM noise levels on the ground. Type-1 diabetes occurs when the lower the risk of diabetes-related ture of the Plesiosaur’s neck was only KAT HANNA The engines will be mounted on top pancreas fails to produce the insulin complications. It will work by contin- able to work in a downwards motion of the aeroplane, allowing the fuse- necessary for breaking down glucose uously sensing glucose levels in the in order to feed from the seafloor. Noe Cambridge researchers have made lage to shield engine noise by reflect- in the blood. Unlike Type-2, this form body and wirelessly transmitting the told the VPS that “The osteology of major breakthroughs in the fields of ing sound waves upwards. is much more likely to begin in child- data to a computer that calculates the the neck makes it absolutely certain aeronautics, medical science and But, as a result, noise emis- hood. Currently, diabetics must man- amount of insulin needed to regulate that the Plesiosaur could not lift its palaeontology this week. sions in the cabin will reach ually test their blood sugar level and the glucose. This information is con- head swan-like out of the water”. A revolutionary design for a silent higher levels than fliers are veyed to an insulin pump attached to The project was not in fact related aeroplane was presented at the Royal used to today. the body, which then delivers the to the Loch Ness Monster, though he Aeronautical Society conference in The stated aim of the project, quantity admits that his research precludes London on Monday. The initiative launched in 2003, has always been “to required. the suggestion that the creature is a promises to significantly reduce noise discover ways to reduce aircraft noise Controlling Plesiosaur. He added, “If the Loch levels, claiming that aeroplanes will dramatically”. Zoltan Spakovsky, inject insulin as Type-1 diabetes is particularly diffi- Ness Monster hype gets the research be “virtually unnoticeable to people Professor of Aeronautics at often as six times a cult for children, hence the project’s into the public domain, then I don’t outside the airport perimeter”. The Massachusetts Institute of day; they often find this pro- focus on juvenile diabetes. Dr really view it as a problem”. appearance of the proposed design is Technology (MIT), compared the cedure inconvenient and stressful. Hovorka, Principle Research This trio of high profile scientific radically different from the tube- potential noise levels of the aircraft Long-term health risks for diabetics Associate at the Department of advancements furthers the reputa- shaped aircraft currently used. A on takeoff and landing with “the noise include glaucoma, heart and kidney Paediatrics, told Varsity that there tion of the university as a world streamlined “single flying wing”, sim- of an office conversation”. diseases, and strokes. are few options currently open to leader in the field of medical and sci- ilar in appearance to the now-defunct Furthermore, Ann Dowling, The proposed artificial organ child sufferers. Unlike adults, “chil- entific research. Professor of Mechanical Engineering dren are unlikely to benefit from stem at Cambridge, admitted that the cell transplant research, because of The Plane Facts research team had not foreseen the Artificial Pancreas: the difficulties of dealing with Loch Ness Lowdown venture’s positive impact on fuel con- How it works immuno-suppressive drugs”. But, he sumption. She explained, “This admitted that the concept could • The overall shape is a “single design has reduced fuel burn and • An artificial organ measures levels potentially extend to treating adult • Creature popularly thought to be flying wing”, which allows a slower noise, but probably if we scrapped the of glucose in the body Type-1 sufferers and Type-2 diabet- a plesiosaur, a species of dinosaur landing approach, reduces noise noise we could go still further in ics. Karen Addington, Chief with an unusually long neck that and improves fuel efficiency in the terms of reduced fuel burn.” Executive of JDRF and a Type-1 dia- lived 160 million years ago Engineers calculated that the present • Information is sent to a computer betic since the age of 12, states “I air design would achieve 149 passenger via a wireless connection have learnt to live with my diabetes, miles to the gallon, in comparison to but it is always there. I believe that • Reputedly inhabits Loch Ness, Scotland • Flaps and slats are removed to the current 121 miles per gallon con- • The computer calculates the Type-1 diabetes can take away the reduce noise when landing sumption of a Boeing 777. quantity of insulin that the body freedom of childhood and I passion- • The first recorded sighting was in The BBC reported that Luton needs to regulate glucose levels ately want to prevent that happening the seventh century • Engines are mounted on the top Airport plans to form a partnership to more children”. with the Silent Aeroplane Initiative The third scientific revelation this • A scientific enquiry began in 1968 of the aircraft. The fuselage pre- to build a test vehicle. This would be • Information is sent back to an week came in a talk addressed to the vents noise from reaching the completed at some point in the next insulin-secreting device attached to Vertebrate Palaeontology Society. when the loch was scanned using ground decade, with a view to introducing the the body Leslie Noe of the Sidgwick Museum sonar equipment design as a passenger aircraft in 2030. inadvertedly put an end to years of • Revolutionary ultra-high bypass Monday also saw the announce- • Insulin pump delivers required speculation concerning one of • The most recent sighting on ment of a project aimed at developing Britain’s most elusive mythical crea- engines allow slower jet propulsion amount of insulin to the body June 17 1998 reported a “large an artificial pancreas for young people tures, the Loch Ness Monster. object with long tail. Emerged, during take-off and ascent, dimin- with Type-1 diabetes. Funded by the Popular theory has generally classi- ishing noise levels Juvenile Diabetes Research • Balance is restored fied the creature as a descendent of submerged” Foundation (JDRF), clinical trials of the Plesiosaur species. But Noe’s "3& :06 .03("/ 45"/-&:

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varsity.co.uk/news | 10.11.06 5

Tel: 01223 353 422 Newsdesk Email: [email protected] Emmanuel wins College cook-off »Pressed pork knuckle beats 14 other college menus to dish of the day

ter bean and tomato cassoulet, and trio LIZZIE MITCHELL of Autumn rabbit. While foie gras and rabbit remain the preserve of feasts This week 47 chefs from over 15 differ- Best in Class Award: and high table, the chicken, it has been ent colleges took part in an inter-colle- Petit jambon de Volaille confirmed, is a definite candidate for giate cook-off, in a competition for the avec haricots blancs et formal hall. When questioned, stu- coveted Steward’s Cup, which is the cassoulet aux tomates dents at the college had nothing but Clare first of its kind for 20 years. The event praise for the cooking, which has was organised by Bill Brogan, the 1. Soak butter beans for 24 apparently been “top notch” for some Unruly freshers catering and conferences manager at hours. time. The Master of Emmanuel, Lord upset the fellows St. John’s, and took place at Pembroke. 2. Sweat finely diced onions Wilson of Dinton, told Varsity that It was won by a team from Emmanuel, with garlic in olive oil, add “Emma has always been very proud of Clare fellows are threatening to who left with a handful of trophies and soaked butter beans and its chefs. We are delighted that they impose draconian measures on their the Cup. tomato passata and cook for have now won this public recognition. student body to curb the boozy ten- All colleges were invited to partici- 1 hour. They richly deserve it.” dencies of the new batch of formerly pate in the event, with chefs required to 3. Bone chicken leg and stuff Sidney Sussex is officially the best fresh-faced freshers. Fellows have submit their recipes and budgets with Toulouse sausage meat. place to go for pudding, with chef Nigel been unimpressed by the particularly beforehand. For the fellows, a starter Wrap in pig’s caul. Tumber receiving his first ever gold rambunctious behaviour of college could cost up to £2 and a main course up 4. Fry chicken to colour then medal for a trio of Denham apples. He newbies. Louder, drunker and ruder to £2.50, while main courses for students finish in a medium oven for commented that the competition had than ever at formal hall, certain stu- were limited to £1.90. As the Pembroke 45 minutes. been “hard work but rewarding”. dents have even felt victimised in the kitchens were not large enough to house 5. When bean cassoulet is Chefs from Sidney also emerged with supposedly amiable game of pennying. all 47 competitors plus ingredients and cooked, add salt, pepper and a silver and a bronze award, with UCS Services Officer has felt it neces- the tantrums of creative genius, the herbs. Christ’s taking another three silver sary to point out that the bullying of event was run as a “static-display” com- 6. When cooked, remove awards. Cambridge’s Michelin-starred freshers into drinking way beyond petition in which each team prepared chicken from oven and allow chef, Hans Schweitzer of Queens’ their limits is unacceptable. their entries in their own college to rest in a warm place for 10 College, did not take part. kitchens and brought them, stone-cold, minutes Bill Brogan said that the aim of the for display and judging. The competition 7. To serve, use some of the competition was not necessarily to cre- was adjudicated by a team which includ- beans as a base and put the ate meals to be reproduced in hall, but Trinity Hall ed Moira Gardiner, Bursar at St sliced chicken on top. to “push dishes and recipes forward for Edmund’s College, Stephen Mather, colleges”, pronouncing the competition Testing words for the Head Chef at Sidney Sussex, Stephen “a great success”. As a direct result, a virile of Tit Hall Stackhouse from Cambridge Regional team is being put together to take part College, and Ian Morgan, Head Chef of involved”. Emmanuel chefs won three in the countrywide competition to be Tit Hallers may be left without their L L

the Felix Hotel. awards for “best in class” as well as hosted in March next year by The A apparently much needed pregnancy D

Matthew Carter, Emmanuel Head two gold, two silver and three bronze University Caterers’ Organisation A tests after some alleged “abuse” was C Chef and leader of the winning team, awards. The winning recipes included (TUCO) at Blackpool, and the competi- I inflicted on the JCR medical locker. M has said that he is “very proud” and pressed pork knuckle and foie gras ter- tion for the Steward’s Cup may A Welfare Officer Judith Jackson that it was a “good team effort by all rine, ballantine of chicken with a but- become an annual event. An Emmanuel chef at work reminded undergraduates in a stern email early this week that the taking of such items for anything other than No need for alarm: it’s just a drill their intended purpose violates the Jesus derails the Express JCR’s “honesty box” system. She threatened to make students buy their own condoms if the delinquen- JO TRIGG meeting on Monday October 30. cy continued. Jack Tunstall, a supporter of the original motion, disagreed with the Jesus College Students’ Union (JCSU) change. He believes that “the original has voted to stop buying the Daily motion did not need to be amended... Magdalene Express and Sunday Express because If I were Arabic or a British Muslim, they are “crap”. Guy Willis, who pro- I would not be happy to buy a news- Fellow freshens up posed the motion, suggested the stu- paper that carries opinion pieces mak- at Ballare dent body “cease purchase on the basis ing generalisations about the brutali- of crapness” in an amendment to a pro- ty of my ethnic grouping or religious One Magdalene fellow found himself in posal originally made by Reuben Bard- practices”. He claimed this demon- trouble when a group of students Rosenberg on October 25. strated “the immaturity of student dragged him to Ballare. Clearly in Bard-Rosenberg’s proposal was politics at Jesus”. unfamiliar territory, but already mak- provoked by his concern about the Bard-Rosenberg was similarly criti- ing friends, he evidently thought he recent allegedly racist and homopho- cal, stating that “the record of the needed to take the toilet attendant’s bic content of the newspaper. He Express for attacking groups who advice and “freshen up”. Having been argued, “in the recent past the already face massive discrimination is sprayed with some Eau de Cindy’s toi- far more significant than the fact that, lette, the socialising supervisor took as the resolution put it, the paper is a offence at being asked to pay for the load of crap”. But he added “This is not aftershave. A row ensued, and, after “the paper is a to say that I disagree with the notion much argument, the poor fellow was load of crap” that it is a load of crap”. forcibly removed by the bouncers. Although secured by a majority vote, the move did not escape objec- tion. History undergraduate Mike Talbot jokingly threatened to leave a New Hall copy of the Express in Bard- Sunday Express has collectively Rosenberg’s pigeonhole every morn- Journos under fire described Arabs as “suicide ing. Bard-Rosenberg responded, “I from top of the hill bombers, limb amputators, women would appreciate this as I sometimes repressors”. Bard-Rosenberg told run out of toilet paper”. Talbot criti- A torrent of outrage has been Varsity that he felt that “the JCSU, cised the proposal as “ridiculous” and unleashed on Trumpington Towers an organisation committed to oppos- told Varsity “I read the Express from the hill-top bastion of all things ing racism and homophobia, should everyday, but this is Cambridge and feminine. In response to a comment not be supplying it”. most people look down on the tabloids piece in last week’s Varsity which Guy Willis opposed the motion on as “right-wing trash””. Otherwise allegedly defamed single sex colleges, the grounds that it would endanger undistressed, Talbot said, “I buy it a message was sent to the JCR list, free speech. He told Varsity “The myself so it doesn't really have that which declared, “We all know New principle of not having papers sup- much of an effect on me”. Hall is a great place - now let Varsity plied because they have distasteful The JCSU motion came into effect and the rest of the university know!” Great St. Mary’s Church, Tuesday 7 November, 8pm: Three fire engines editorial is misguided, the point of immediately, and the Express has An email campaign launched against appeared in Market Square and two fireman attempted to “rescue” figures papers is to read what the papers not been seen in any JCSU area the editor@varsity inbox also sparked stranded at the top of the tower. Concerned passers by, stopping to gape at say”. Yet he proposed removal of since. Bard-Rosenberg was keen to plans to create banners with the tag- the spectacle, were relieved to hear that it was only a drill. the “crap” Express, which was stress that “this is not an attack on line, “I heart New Hall”. amended and passed at the JCSU free speech”. THINKING TIME…

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Clear Thinking Clear Difference varsity.co.uk/news | 10.11.06 7

Tel: 01223 353 422 Newsdesk Email: [email protected] Oxfords dons battle Harrow headmaster snubs A levels against reforms in favour of Pre-U exam “safety net” per cent received A grades, register- for independent schools” while a independent governance. A flysheet REBECCA BIRRANE ing an increase of 11.9 per cent in the spokesperson from Cheltenham FLORENCE LUI signed by 23 Congregation members past decade. Despite such criticism, Ladies’ College admitted that they declared “a financially-focused Council Harrow, one of England’s leading the Department for Education and were attending “briefing sessions” would have ultimate authority over independent schools, has announced Skills (DfES) maintains that A-Level for the new qualification. Oxford academics are currently the Academic Board”. that it will replace A-levels with the exams are “tried, tested and trust- CIE are negotiating further with engaged in a vicious battle with the Alan Strickland, President of the new Cambridge Pre-U qualification ed”, with pass rates reflecting “rising the Qualifications and Curriculum Vice -Chancellor John Hood over pro- Oxford University Student Union if the government fails to reform the standards”. Authority over whether the Pre-U posals for reform of the university gov- (OUSU) agreed that the union would current system within the next few A DfES spokesperson revealed will be available to state schools. ernance system that could see busi- like to see a greater proportion of years. Lenon described the lack of recogni- ness leaders and politicians responsi- internal members, including students The Pre-U, currently being devel- tion and funding given to ble for running the institution. If the in Council, adding that “reforms would oped by the Cambridge International such schools as “out- proposals are carried in the vote on streamline university governance, Examinations board (CIE) and due for “A-levels do not rageous”. Tuesday 14 November, the 900 year- allowing it to work in a more coordinat- completion in 2008, will test pupils in up Dr Geoff Parks, old tradition of self governance at the ed and effective way”. to four subject areas at the end of two identify or Director of university will end. While Strickland recognised that years. This will differ from the modular stretch the most Undergraduate The reforms are designed to comply the suggested reforms were the prod- A-Level course, which allows for unlim- Admissions at with a report written by the Higher uct of months of open discussion and ited resits. able” Cambridge dis- Education Funding Council for debate, Susan Cooper, Professor of Headmaster Barnaby Lenon told closed that a England (HEFCE), which recom- Physics and current council member, Varsity, “A-Levels do not identify or working party has mends the introduction of a majority of argued that Hood “eliminated any pos- stretch the most able,” while course- been established to external seats in the University sibility of compromise”. She added, work provides “opportunities for assess the Pre-U, Council. Proposed changes include a “we do need change, but we want cheating”. He expressed concern but suggested that bicameral structure composed of the change for the better, not change to over the number of mistakes made by Harrow’s announce- University Council and an Academic conform to an arbitrary idea of “best examiners while marking papers, and ment may be “sabre Board. Council membership would be practice””. believes that the Pre-U would pro- their intentions to pilot tougher rattling” in order to reduced from 23 seats to 15, with seven Moreover, Cooper emphasised that vide a “safety net” if the current Advanced Extension Award-style pressurise ministers lay members, seven internal members Tuesday’s vote might lead to the isola- exams are “weakened further in the questions and introduce a new A* into A-Level and a lay chair. tion of the University of Cambridge, coming years”. grade. reform. Ruth Collier, a university whose union still retains a majority of A-Levels have recently come But these developments come too spokesperson, stressed the benefits of internal members. A Cambridge under attack for allegedly “dumbing late to prevent growing concerns such reforms. She explained “the Vice spokesperson said that the university down”, with this year’s pass rate ris- over the A-Level. Lenon argued that Chancellor will chair the Academic “is on an entirely different cycle of ing to 96.2 per cent. A further 22.8 a “more demanding exam is required Board but not the Council, thus deliberation with respect to gover- spreading out power.” But some mem- nance compared to Oxford”. bers of the Congregation, Oxford’s CUSU President Mark Ferguson main legislative body, feel that the pro- concurred, stating “Cambridge has a Blair and Boris speak up for science posal to create a body in which the nuanced, slower pace of reform; a con- majority would consist of external stant state of renewal as opposed to »Ministers warn against the student slump members is tantamount to a loss of Oxford’s current state of upheaval”. the University and College creating the same awe within PARISA RAZAZ Unions (UCU), agreed that it is people that it did, say, 50 years worrying “when you see depart- ago.” The Prime Minister Tony Blair ments closed on a whim”. The number of science gradu- highlighted a decline in students’ Johnson has suggestedbelieves ates is lower than ever. Almost a interest in science in a speech in that the problem is part of a quarter of secondary schools are Oxford last Friday. His words marked absence of excitement without a Physics teacher, while come in the wake of the closure of the number of students studying the Physics department at the Physics at A-Level has dropped University of Reading. “Science is excit- by 37 per cent since 1991. Pressure group Campaign for Blair believes that a solution to Science and Engineering (CaSE) ing. If you want the problem might be found in has welcomed Blair’s recognition more constant and persuasive of the problem, especially as the to change the forms of communication, in order Prime Minister foregrounded the world, become a to diminish public fears attached link between a lack of interest to fields of scientific study. and a shortage of funds for scien- scientist” Measures currently being taken tific research. Dr Peter by the government include addi- Cotgreave, Director of CaSE, tional funding in Higher told Varsity, “The public expects Education and the conversion of science to be there in order to Science into a 4th R (Reading, provide impartial rational reason- Writing and Arithmetic). ing. This needs to be funded.” But renewing interest in the While Bill Rammell, the subject remains primarily an Minister for Higher Education, and passion in relation to the issue of raising its profile. As the refused to believe that the issue study of science within the educa- Prime Minister commented, is a pressing one, Conservative tion system as a whole. He added, “Science is exciting. If you want MP Boris Johnson told Varsity, “I “we need to sort out the appalling to change the world, become a sci- am delighted that the Prime situation in our schools if we want entist.” Minister has faced up to the crisis the scientists we need”. we have in science”. Cotgreave agreed with Johnson savebritishscience.org.uk Fierce debate in the city of spires RICHARD LOWKES/CHERWELL Dan Ashley, spokesperson for when he argued, “Science is not

The best of the rest Cross Campus from around the country Queen’s joins Oxford students Stingy students Trinity Tigers Bristol munchers Russell Group to strip off find their home earn their stripes in the money Queen’s University Belfast has been Students from St Anne’s College, A new website set up by a recent Trinity College Oxford’s rugby team Bristol students on a late-night snack invited to join the Russell Group, the Oxford are to bare all for charity. The Birmingham graduate aims to help has received £100 of JCR money to search found themselves unexpected- “Ivy League” of UK universities. The college JCR and the Dean have grant- students on a tight budget maximise pay for a furry tiger costume as a ly in the money when a Royal Bank of elite group comprises 19 research- ed undergraduates permission to be their university experience. Launched team mascot. Captain Ben Murray Scotland ATM on Whiteladies Road intensive universities including photographed naked for a calendar to at 25 universities, studentbeans.com hopes that the furry feline duties will dispensed twice the amount of cash Oxford, Cambridge, Bristol, raise money for the JCR’s charitable provides banner space for college and be shared amongst team members each customer requested. But, the Edinburgh and UCL. The Vice interests. The calendar will be themed society advertisements and a search and believes that donning the all-in- bank has promised to track down Chancellor of Queen’s described the with different sports teams and soci- function for discounts at local shops one will herald a string of victories those who received bonus snack funds invitation as “tremendous news”. eties each having their own month. and businesses. for the “Trinity Tigers”. and reclaim the cash. 8 varsity.co.uk/news | 10.11.06 News Feature Food, glorious food: but why the disparity in college prices? »Varsity trawls the catering facilities of Cambridge to discover just how much students fork out to chow down.

choice in the matter, “If you don’t a formal a fortnight would still cost relaunch”, that has “vastly JOHN WALKER & buy meal vouchers, your only alter- them £95 a year more than their improved” the quality of the food. TOM PARRY-JONES native is to cook in a kitchen with- Johnian counterparts. But not all JCRs have had such suc- out an oven”. When quizzed on the The limited range of healthy and cess in effecting change. For It will come as no surpise the the value for money offered by the meal appetising options in some college Magdelene’s JCR President Maz quality of food between Cambridge vouchers system, she replied, “its cafetrias has long been an issue, Kemple, the problem with the col- colleges varies greatly. Opinions dif- really frustrating. You can’t get any leading to some students nicknam- lege’s buttery food is that it is fer and students are notoriously change from them. If your meal £3.75 ing their halls “slops” or even “the “unhealthy”. The students think it is poor eaters. This week, Varsity costs £2.20, no change is offered trough”. Some colleges won praise “very poor” and she argued that it investigates the disparity between from a £3 voucher.” Students found the price of a for their extra facilities. The King’s could be “dramatically improved”. the cost of eating in college, both on that, even on just one meal a day, Coffee Shop was described as “a For those students who are a day-to-day basis and at formal they had run out by the fifth week formal hall ticket great place to relax, eat and forced to self-cater, either for reli- hall. In addition, it was asked why of term. socialise”, whilst the Butterfield gious reasons or simply because of some college self-catering facilities Further investigation revealed a at Magdalene Cafe and sandwich bar at Downing the obstacles of time management, are so much worse than others. remarkable disparity in the price was deemed “utterly fantastic”. The the cooking facilities available var- Varisty takes the cafeteria crawl of formal dining. The cost of a for- newly-opened Q-Bar at Queens’ ied enormously. While most col- and poses the question: why are mal hall ticket at Magdalene offers continental breakfast every leges provided facilities such as some students forced to pay more to College is a mere £3.75 for three morning and roast Sunday lunches, kosher kitchens, the general facili- eat well than others? courses and silver service, whereas all at reasonable prices. These have ties often left much to be desired. All colleges in Cambridge pay a the same meal at Girton, excluding proved popular with students. Trinity Hall kitchen facilites met standard termly charge to subsidise wine, will set the student purse But many colleges are simply not with universal student derision; the runnng of the college kitchens. back no less than £13.75. Bringing doing enough to provide the same the same was true of Queens’, Yet this charge, commonly known as guests usually invited a small sur- £15.75 variety and quality of menu. Peter Fitzwiliam, Pembroke and the Kitchen-Fixed Charge (KFC) charge, and strict limitations were Coulthard, JCR President at St Homerton among others. Corpus varies significantly. At King’s, stu- sometimes imposed on the number. the price of a John’s, said that buttery food at the facilities were described as “actual- dents pay £85 a term in subsidy, Girton used to charge a more rea- college was now “very good”. This ly quite nice`’, Buckingham House whereas at St John’s the figure is sonable £8.50 until the £20,000-a- formal hall ticket was due to changes implemented by in New Hall included kitchens just over £137. For the vast majori- year subsidy was removed last the catering office and JCR working described as “platial” and the ty of students, this fee is non-nego- year. In recompense, each student at Girton closely together over the last two Downing Kenny kitchens were tiable, even when students live out is given one free ticket a term, but years, including a “buttery “better than I had at home” accord- of the main college site or go entire- ing to one first year. ly self-catered. When asked about what meas- Given the ready-made custom, and ures CUSU had in place to monitor the often complimentary freehold, these issues, Services Officer Varsity quized senior tutors on how Ashley Aarons explained, “we’re such a charge could be justified. proposing a new CUSU Facilites Simon Hawkey, Jesus College and Amenities Officer.” He Manciple, said that “the KFC has explained, “This person would be always been an issue”, whilst directly responsible for monitoring Fitzwilliam Bursar Christopher the differences between colleges”. Pratt bemoaned the “difficulty of He also promised a database which balancing the catering books”. Other “should be operational by the end of bursars explained that the KFC was term, to cover the figures for rents, necessary to reliably cover a propor- JCR details and amenities, which tion of the catering costs. includes food costs.” Churchill justifies the KFC by In the meantime, students are offering a breakdown in kitchen forced to accept high KFC charges, costs, explaining that they didn’t or equivalent, without the assur- make any money out of formal hall ance that this will guarantee high and that their kitchen overheads standards of college catering and were substantial. The KFC covered kitchen facilities. Conveniently, the cost of “maintaining chefs, build- few colleges mention their catering ings, laundering” and meeting “gas charges in their prospectuses. The and electricity” bills. disparity between colleges is one At Caius and Homerton, a specif- that students will be forced to ic KFC was not levied, instead stu- accept until some kind of cen- dents can purchase a number of tralised monitoring service is put meal tickets. But, one Homertonian in place. explained that there was little Students engage in some serious lunchtime eating at Trinity Hall AMICA DALL

For those bored of who- resemblance to a recently convicted sex of his alma mater. Reports have reached shagged-who, this week offender. Thus, amid the shouts of our ears of him earning a few pounds saw a surfeit of weird- “bunty-man” and “small bean regarder”, tutoring GCSE girls to prepare them for ness in the diocese.... our man ran for cover into the only avail- their History exams. We should perhaps A certain fellow of an able refuge: Ryder and Amies. No doubt fear more for their intellectual develop- ‘outlying’ Cambridge he reasoned that the shop’s formal airs ment of such young charges than their So how much of a happy college eater are you college was clearly would discourage pursuit from the social- sexual innocence: our friend’s hatred of anyway? out of his depth this ly challenged lynch mob - as indeed it did. bourgeois complacency is leading him to week upon a chance visit Who says a Cambridge education teach- systematically sabotage their education, a) My friends have taken to calling me the Buttery Buffoon. to Market Square. One would expect a es nothing practical? by introducing as much bogus informa- b) So where is this Sainsbury’s place anyway? chap from such a disadvantaged college In other news, a famous Cambridge tion into his oblivious students’ heads as c) Brunch every Sunday sorts my hangover right out. to struggle a bit on a trip to the big playboy, known for his prodigious Special possible. My clerical friends and I pray d) My corridor kitchen is Michelin-starred. smoke, but nothing could have prepared K intake and whose chief notoriety arose that Edexcel will consider ‘The Battle of him for the ordeal of being vocally from having once inadvertently defecat- Hastings took place in late 1941’ as evi- Vote online at varsity.co.uk harassed by the local hatchback-and-sub- ed in his girlfriend’s bed, has taken a dence of original thinking, and reward it woofer-obsessed chavs on account of his short break from the academic ‘rigours’ with the A* grade it deserves.

varsity.co.uk/news | 10.11.06 9

Pembroke Homerton St John’s St Catz

Formals: Daily. £6.25 for Formals: Once a week. Formals: Daily. £3.85 for Formal Hall: £7.50 for members, £8.25 for guests. £11 for students or students or guests. Three members, £9 guests. Three courses with silver guests. Three courses silver service courses. Three courses plus service, or four courses on with silver service. cheese course. Monday-Wednesday. Superhalls: Held occasional- Superhalls: One planned at ly. £1 extra; the extra cost goes Superhalls: None Superhalls: Held occasionally. £1 Christmas. £23 per person. to charity. extra; the extra cost goes to charity. Bottles of wine are available in the college bar, Only one variety of red or white college wine The bar serves quite a wide range of wine: but students can also bring their own and are “Reasonable” wine is available from the col- is available, at £7.50 a bottle. No wine allowed prices start at £5 a bottle. Students can also not subject to a corkage fee. lege bar for £3.50-£4.00 from outside the college. bring their own wine. Main meals: Around £2.50. Described enig- Main meals: £2-£2.50 Main meal: £3-4. Food at the normal hall sit- Main meal: About £2. Halal meat is available matically by one student as "variable but on ting varies in both price and quality, according three times a week in the Buttery, and Kosher the whole fine". KFC: £120 per term, although this amount is to students of the college. meals can be provided. halved if students live out. KFC: £125 per term. KFC: None. Instead £120 of meal vouchers KFC: £137.31 per term. added to their college rent.

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We’ll judge you on your ability and nothing else. Don’t know what you want to be when you grow up? Neither do we.

10 varsity.co.uk/comment |10.11.06

Email: [email protected] Tel: 01223 353422 Comment editor: Lowri Jenkins Editorial 11-12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge. CB2 1QA Comment Email: [email protected]

Joe Smoke Signals Hunter There’s no smoke without ire Academic prowess This week, mistakes have been made from all corners as a result of deci- ere’s a fact about my fellow freshers, I noticed that I the prominent drinking culture. humans: we’re so far was the only one periodically tapping People who avoid smoking purely on sions made without due consideration. Time will only tell whether removed from the ani- out a cancer stick. It was then that I health grounds would probably be Donald Rumsfeld’s departure was a wise decision, whereas our front mal kingdom that we started noticing something else. The wary of alcohol too. Though I’m the page tells a different story. The steadfastness of our resident academics positively enjoy harm- sideways glances, the subtle yet oh- first to admit that alcohol is a more shows that there is more they can teach us than merely the wisdom of ing ourselves. Despite so-noticeable wafting away of smoke: exciting and immediately gratifying Plato or the square root of pi. Our supervisors, lecturers and tutors, Ha relentless campaign lasting many these people disliked my smoking drug than nicotine, health concerns though poorly paid, realise that there is more to their job than earning decades, the governments of the intensely. As freshers’ week went on, are blithely put aside in order to enough to feed a Port habit, no matter how we perceive these high table civilised world have singularly failed the facts became clear. In my college enjoy a bit of weekend booze-up. diners at formal hall. to eradicate the desire to smoke. In there are a hundred and ten first Maybe then there’s something in the Unbelievable though this may seem, three quarters of Cambridge aca- Thailand, health warnings on ciga- years, of which two smoke. Two. mentality of a Cambridge student rette packets even display pictures of that steers them away from smoking. demics have consciously chosen the importance of their vocation over the diseased lungs or dying cancer Perhaps the hard work we all had to E size of their salary, valuing the benefits of teaching and research despite patients: but does it work? Not, it K put in to get here has something to A hours of overtime. Not only this, our academic community continues to R

would seem, to any significant degree. D do with it; smoking to me has always be the driving force of scholarship. Cambridge academics have designed E Amongst young people in the UK, C been a lethargic, reflective activity, I T the “silent plane”, developed an articifical pancreas to treat Type-1 dia- smoking is still a relatively small but T the epitome of slacking off. Someone E L betes, and discovered a possible explanation for the myth of the Loch persistent presence. The recent laws : who is geared up for night after night N

passed in Scotland banning smoking O of slavish study may feel they have Ness monster, and all in just one week of news. Such pioneering research I T

in pubs and bars has made smokers A no time to waste on such an indul- and discovery could never be possible were it not for determination, and R T a passion for one’s field instead of a focus on personal affluence. very visible: take a walk through S gence. U

Glasgow city centre on a Friday or L My favourite theory is as follows: L These individuals are those that teach us. We might sleep off our hang- I Saturday night and the continuing most Cambridge students lack the overs in their 9am lectures, we skip their seminars because they’ll never popularity of smoking is apparent ‘rebel’ mentality. By coming to an notice, we fail to write thier essays because of an inexplicably late onset from the groups of people puffing ancient and prestigious educational of freshers’ flu. None of us are pulling the wool over any bespectacled away outside every pub. As someone establishment favoured for centuries eyes with these age-old gambits, and perhaps they are in, moderation, who picked up the habit in their mid by society’s elite, we’re hardly fight- harmless. Yet next time we regress to demonising our supervisors as teens, I’ve never felt like a social out- ing the power. Thus one who aspires atavistic killjoys, let us imagine that perhaps they share a geniune cast or come under fire from the kind to be part of said establishment (and enthusiasm for our learning as well as theirs, and maybe, just maybe, we of anti-smoking bile that seems to therefore the establishment) is unlike- could learn from their dedication as well as their didactics. have become socially acceptable. ly to possess the kind of attitude that That is, until I came to Cambridge. would lead them to disregard the When I arrived at my college, I asked effusion of health warnings and good Space to think the second year who showed me to advice telling us not to smoke that Varsity is the only independent student newspaper in Cambridge. my room if it was acceptable to Why should this be? Why should we’ve all been inundated with since This status explains the much derided investment banker advertise- smoke in there. He seemed surprised Cambridge be such a bastion of birth. I like this hypothesis because it ments; it also allows us to talk to dissatisfied academics, to investigate at the question and replied that he health-conscious prudes? Is it merely makes me feel like the exception to college facilities without bias, and to ensure that University organisa- had no idea. After a moment’s silence that the (let’s face it) generally higher the rule, rather than a noxious freak. tions are held accountable. We are proud to be a sounding-board for the he added “You’ll find that not many than average intelligence of I say: smokers and rebels unite! student community; so the voices represented in our pages, as in life, people smoke here”. I thought noth- Cambridge students leads to a pur- There is a spectre haunting can be contentious and occasionally provocative. ing more of this until the evening poseful decision not to smoke? This is Cambridge, and it’s a cloud of tobacco Yet Imogen Walford’s comment piece on this page in issue 645, which when, sitting in a bar surrounded by extremely unlikely for one reason: smoke. suggested that all-female colleges “propopagate sexism and discrimina- tion”, provoked an email campaign suggesting that it should never have been printed. A popular assumption was that the writer had “clearly Lindsay Right to reply never set foot in a women’s college” despite, in fact, attending one for Stronge the last two and a half years. Sisters are doing it for themselves On being confronted with opinions antithetical to ours, we have tend- to jump to conclusions in order to defend the truths we hold self-evi- dent. We cannot believe that anyone in our position would think differ- ently. But unless we are willing to listen to the opinions of others with- n response to Imogen and Newnham without having improved upon, last year New Walford’s article of interacted with their male coun- Hall’s medics ranked 7th. New out a kneejerk reaction, we will never learn from their wisdom, or mis- November 3rd, it is terparts” and it underlines the Hall students also achieve better takes - or both. One can only hope that in seeking to prove others wrong absolutely grotesque to fact that women from single sex results in the English Tripos than we might be able to accept the fallibilities inherent in our own opinions. say that those living in a colleges are among the most those at Trinity and eighty per- single sex college are not cent of our students achieve a The Independent Cambridge “challenged”I socially and that they First or Upper Second Class Student Newspaper since 1947 do not “interact” with those from “It is the Honours upon graduating. Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 free copies “diverse backgrounds”. The mem- I was pooled to New Hall but if to every Cambridge college and ARU weekly. Varsity is proud to be the holder of numerous student media bership of New Hall is one of the autonomy of I were to go through the applica- awards and a vast number of alumni now working in international media. Varsity also publishes BlueSci most diverse of all the Cambridge tion process again I would apply magazine, The Mays, and an online edition at www.varsity.co.uk. colleges. Our community consists Cambridge here directly. The vast majority of Board of Directors: Dr. Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Mr Tim Harris, Mr Tim Moreton, Ms of students from overseas, all my contemporaries concur. Ms Amy Goodwin (Varsoc President), Mr Tom Walters, Mr Christopher Adams, Mr Michael Derringer, Mr colleges which Christopher Wright, Mr Joseph Braidwood, Miss Mary Bowers and Mr Jonathan Ensall. social backgrounds, all colours and Walford admits that there is no all creeds. We have a secular ethos “agitation” within the all-female Editors Mary Bowers and Jonny Ensall [email protected] Associate Editor Was Yaqoob ensures they [email protected] Chief News Editors Joseph Gosden and Jamie Munk [email protected] specifically to accommodate this colleges for change but she chose Features Associate Editor Natalie Woolman [email protected] Arts Associate Editor Hermione diversity. to blame this “on the pressure of Buckland-Hoby [email protected] Arts and Features Visual Editor Rhiannon Adam [email protected] retain their Interviews Editor Tess Riley [email protected] Sport Editor Bobby Friedman [email protected] I utterly refute the notion that work”. I’d blame it on content- Sport Associate Editor Dr Sophie Pickford [email protected] our college “perpetuates a vision individuality and ment and satisfaction with our Online Editor Joe Braidwood [email protected] Online Team Richard Zito, Chris Wright, Joe of female solidarity that sees men experiences. Ms Walford may not Osborne, Henrietta Brooks, Nick Swetenham, Amy Renton and Dmitri Levitin [email protected] as the ‘Opposition’”. I have never, do not become like it but it is the autonomy of News Editors Joanna Trigg, Alice Whitwham and Tom Parry-Jones [email protected] News Reporters in all my time here, heard views Cambridge colleges which ensures Nikki Burton and John Walker Comment Editor Lowri Jenkins [email protected] Editor homogenous Catherine Hall [email protected] Science Editor Udayan Bhattacharya [email protected] Science such as these propagated by that they retain their individuality Associate Editor Mico Tatalovic Food and Drink Editor Katie Craig [email protected] Restaurant College staff. New Hall has a and do not become homogenous Critics Martha Spurrier and Mathilda Imlah [email protected] Lifestyle Editors Saskia Payne and mixed fellowship and key positions halls of halls of residence. Carol Peacock [email protected] Fashion Editors Olivia Johnson and Rosanna Falconer [email protected] Literature Editors Lucy McSherry and Andy Wimbush [email protected] in the College Council are held by In the next few years New Hall Music Editors Freya Jonson Ross and Katy Wells [email protected] Visual Arts Editor Jonny Yarker men – Senior Tutor, Dean and the residence” will again be faced with the ques- [email protected] Screen Editor Olly Riley-Smith [email protected] Theatre Catherine Spencer Bursar to name but a few. tion of whether or not to go Classical James Drinkwater [email protected] I also take special exception to mixed. I and numerous others Design Jessi Baker and Jonny Ensall Illustration Julien Hunt, Lettice Drake, Mary Bowers and Rachel Harding Production Cassell Carter, Mike Yue Yin and Georgia Argus Chief Photo Editor Amica Dall the assertion that women here here will oppose this, as the [email protected] Photo Editors Emily Wright and Alexandra Constantinides [email protected] “accept the status quo for three women of Newnham did only a Business Manager Adam Edelshain [email protected] Production and Chief Designer Michael years and “adopt” another col- few years ago. We will not do it in Derringer [email protected] Technical Director Michael Derringer and Chris Wright technical- lege”. On what is this based? I can prominent in university life. On a gesture of “opposition” to men. [email protected] Company Secretary Patricia Dalby [email protected] only infer a familiarity with seeing the subject of adoption I can think We will campaign on the basis that Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. and printed by Cambridge Newspapers Ltd. All copyright is the exclusive property of Varsity Publications Ltd. New Hall/Newnham/Lucy Cav of several students from other col- New Hall offers a dynamic, inspir- No part of this publication is to be reproduced, stored on a retrieval system or submitted in any form or by any students in other colleges on a leges, male and female, who would ing and supportive environment in means, without prior permission of the publisher. regular basis. This would go some appear to have adopted New Hall! which women of all backgrounds © Varsity Publications Ltd, 2006. 11-12 Trumpington St., Cambridge CB2 1QA Tel: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 352913 way to disproving the claim that And while New Hall’s position in can achieve their full academic “girls can emerge from New Hall the Tompkin’s Table could be potential.

varsity.co.uk/comment | 10.11.06 11

Ethics Girl

Make Love Not War

t is the phrase that defines the American counter-cul- ture of the 1960s: ‘Make Love Not War’. Voiced in protest against the Vietnam War, it remains a Ipotent slogan used in times of cri- sis, echoing across decades in John Lennon’s 1973 song ‘Mind Games’. The twenty-first century, failing to learn from preceding genera- tions, is still experiencing the hor- rors of warfare. Likewise, anyone who cares about the environment is also fighting a war. This is a war to overshadow all wars, which will affect rich and poor, young and old, of every religious background and of every nationality - the war against climate change. Last Saturday saw over 25, 000 – supposedly up to 40, 000 – people march through London in a call for action against climate change. Tired with the government’s failure to take this issue seriously enough, people came from all over to get the message across: enough is enough, we need to act now. Those arguing that governments lack the economic and political ILLUSTRATION: RACHEL HARDING resources to make a significant dif- ference are wrong. As environmen- talist-activist George Monbiot Matthew points out this week, if the money Richardson Learning our lesson and determination expended on waging war with Iraq had been used to combat climate change, our The perils of privileging research over teaching carbon emissions would already be in “free fall”. e have got a lot statement commits it to “contribute partnerships with iTunes may be Overall there is little common Others argue that protest march- to thank Newton to society through the pursuit of some way away: some departments understanding of what the es don’t make a difference. After for. Even in a learning, education and research at are still not entirely comfortable Cambridge education should be for. witnessing Britain’s entrance into world of the highest international levels of with switching their blackboards Such is the consequence of a patri- the Iraq war so soon after two mil- Teaching Quality excellence”. Traditionally, ‘learning’ for whiteboards. archal teaching system led by a fed- lion took to the streets of London Assessments and in the university has been led by its The most striking failure is the eration of individuals. Some tutors to voice their opposition to military externalW examiners it is still the researchers, with knowledge diffus- university’s total withdrawal from tell freshers to drop all activities action, some justifiably have lost reflected glory of the university’s ing through to undergraduates by broader ‘education’ obtained outside the classroom, others advo- confidence in our power to sway leading researchers, past and pres- means of supervisions, discussion beyond the classroom. In spite of cate trying everything. There is no political opinion. Yet I believe that ent, that makes a Cambridge groups and college dinners. For the evidence that non-academic pur- in 2006 we are witnessing the degree special. The achievements of most part the supervision system is suits do any harm to grades, and return of the grassroots green übermensch like Darwin, Thomson, a triumph. “The university beyond these walls they are often of movements, relatively dormant for Watson & Russell confer an extra Nevertheless, an ideological greater benefit than the degree the past few years, and climate ounce of credibility on us all. Yet espousal of the system can curb does not hold its itself. Yet fellows will naturally change is going to be the issue that has our innovative research bred debate about improving teaching define worthy undergraduate puts power back in the hands of complacency towards the role of methods. For the lucky ones, direct great teachers in achievement through the prism of the people. undergraduate education in socie- access to the brightest teachers is their own academic lives. This weekend, we walked ty? With American universities profoundly beneficial. Conversely, the same regard The introduction of a market into through London to demonstrate broadcasting lectures on iTunes and we have all had courses rendered higher education has forced many that, united, we can make a differ- researchers running businesses out unintelligible by jumbled lectures as its great universities to reorient their teach- ence. If the party political confer- of their labs, has our teaching inno- and ineffective supervisors. At best ing as they compete to attract stu- ences this autumn are anything to vated at the same rate – and what this haphazard system maximizes researchers” dents. Here, teaching continues to go by, the government realises that should higher education be for? the achievements of tomorrow’s aim less towards developing the climate change is the make-or- With the majority of undergradu- best researchers; at worst it leaves individual as to complementing the break issue for the next election. ates studying ‘hard’ academic sub- a longing for the simple clarity of research process. Yet as the univer- What the politicians don’t seem to jects, teaching can sometimes seem structured school teaching. sity sector is increasingly exposed have woken up to is the fact that no more than a selection process for Students can be forced to adapt the capabilities of participants, to the free market, Cambridge will 160, 000 people die annually world- a handful of potential researchers. their choice of courses based on the sports and the arts are endangered have to compete for the best brains wide as a result of human induced But Cambridge also has responsibil- quality of the lectures regardless of species. Individual teams and soci- with the American colossuses. For climate change. That’s the equiva- ity for preparing swathes of stu- feedback forms. Ultimately the uni- eties achieve remarkable things now, Cambridge graduates are lent of 9/11 every single week. dents for leading roles in society. versity does not hold its great with virtually non-existent central attractive to employers for their Wrapped up like an Eskimo on Whilst the university has always teachers in the same regard as its support. Deluded administrators individual achievements largely Saturday as I made my way been proud of its academic reputa- great researchers. expect top university teams to play ignored by central support – and through London, Lennon’s song tion it must appreciate that the vast Teaching is becoming more pro- at the highest levels on mediocre because we are standing on the came to mind, with its chorus majority of students will leave after fessional. Senior tutors and admis- college facilities. While new faculty shoulders of giants. telling us that “love is the answer”. graduation. For them, academic sions tutors are being drawn from buildings mushroom annually, the Well, love is not the only answer. rigour is not an end in itself but a outside the narrow pool of college university’s sports and arts facili- I’m not the unrealistic idealist that component of a broader education. researchers as these roles come ties remain amongst the worst in some might believe. However, love Indeed the university’s mission under increasing scrutiny. Still, the country. is an environmentally-friendly good start, and from there we can come together to demand legislation and seek alternative ways of living that Right to reply will actually make the difference which is required. For now, I’ll leave you with one Do you have something to say? thought: ‘Make love, not carbon: turn the light off and generate your own heat.’ email [email protected] Tess Riley 12 varsity.co.uk/discuss | 10.11.06

Discuss editor: Catherine Hall Turn to page 29 or lift up Arts and Features for more discussion Discuss Email: [email protected]

» Notes from »Letter of the week New York “Next she’ll be telling us that Newnham students boycott anatomy because there are ‘naughty parts’ on show”

Dear Sir, believed it to be true or is a writer of small and meek, and busy cowering are “beating” (some of) you, thank the most sensationalistic nature. away from the lecherous gazes of all you very much. In my time here, I’ve heard just Next she’ll be telling us that habits those nasty men, but I can assure about every anti-New Hall joke out are compulsory dress at New Hall, you: we’re in there somewhere. Yours, Tanya Filer there, and taken it mostly with a and Newnham students boycott That the all-women’s colleges rank Cindy Chungong pinch of salt. What disturbs me is anatomy because there are men’s low in the Tompkins table is very New Hall College when people like Imogen Walford “naughty parts” on show. Just to clar- much influenced by us being some of seem to actually take the stereotypes ify for all of you out there who are the poorest colleges with lowest fund- Tell Varsity what’s on your popped across the border seriously. The statement that “It’s a confused: students at all-women col- ing, and, more crucially, the fact that mind - each week, the best to Mexico for a few days worrying phenomenon that girls can leges are not faced with a “work envi- university-wide women don’t do as letter will win a specially earlier this week to emerge from Newnham and New ronment where men and women well in exams as men. In fact, our stu- selected bottle of wine from escape the Election Hall without having interacted with remain entirely segregated”. Maybe dents do better in our all-women’s our friends at Cambridge weekend frenzy. That’s their male counterparts” would be you don’t notice us in the lecture halls environment than women from many Wine Merchants, King’s Parade when it hit me; here I am amusing if I didn’t think she either and supervisions because we’re so of the mixed colleges. So, actually, we cIonstantly told that in that quaint little place called Europe it is so much easier to visit a different than quick-fix solutions within a cou- As you observe, the Cambridge bub- country than it is from the Sensible students use door wedges to ple of sessions. As a male bulimic, I ble is not great for those suffering United States. prop their doors open to encourage a would've thought I was interesting from eating disorders, and the treat- social atmosphere where neighbors enough a case to warrant some seri- ment needs to free itself from the Indeed, it often seems in con- may drop by to say “hello” or share a ous time, but before the end of my chains of the bubble, which they cur- versation that dear little Europe cup of tea. During these times a sen- second meeting, my counsellor was rently seem to be fairly tightly is seen as one cute country over sible student would be directly ready to presribe treatment. He pro- shackled by. there on the other side of the responsible for making sure his or posed two ways of tackling the prob- pond ready to be ridden around in her room doesn’t spontaneously com- lem. Firstly, I was to compare myself 'Oscar' a Disney style toy car. The truth bust (as one would expect if door to a banana (the idea being it is con- is however, that travel from the Dear Sir , wedges were present). Sure, there sistent for one person to like a banana Dear Sir, US is not difficult at all. It is no are also students who are not sensi- and another person not to). Secondly, more expensive to visit Mexico, In addition to the “endangered ble... but the fire/plague/locust/badger whenever someone complimented Imogen Walford's article was brilliant. Canada or the Caribbean from Trinity gas rings” in the article hazard posed by such students is not me, in any context, I was to count to Absolutely well written and made New York than it is to go from “Cooking up a storm in the Trinity reduced by banning door wedges. ten in my head and say, slowly, points that needed to be made. London to the Continent. Indeed, kitchens” (03.11.06, p.7), one will also “thank you”. I'm writing to tell you this because I after flight costs (which are often note the extinction of another benev- Free the wedges, already! received an email from New Hell's reduced), accommodation and liv- olent household species, the door This mindless and hasty prescription, JCR telling me that what Imogen ing expenses can be found far wedge. With fire officers due to Philip ‘Flip’ Tanedo needless to say, was utterly useless. wrote was not true. Bollocks to them cheaper, and not only South of the inspect college accommodations in the Trinity College In fact, this treatment fitted perfectly and their subservient minds. They US, than in many European coun- next week, the housekeeping staff with the medical treatment I want people to write to Varsity and tries. has cracked down on door wedges as Dear Sir, received; the doctor I saw was only tell them how angry we are at the a “fire hazard.’”Apparently the too happy to give me Prozac straight article. Well I'm not and I'd just like to What then, proves quite so diffi- wedges were deemed slightly more of If the UCS wants to be taken seri- off. He explicitly stated that the idea show my support. cult about leaving the homeland? an immediate danger than our smoke ously (eating disorders epidemic arti- was to tide me over until after Tripos, Departing the US means leaving a alarms of historically suspect func- cle, 03.11.06) then it will have to actu- at which point I could take some Alex Clatworthy security blanket, where if your tion. ally provide serious solutions rather more time to assess the damage. New Hall hot drink comes warm you sue (and if it’s too hot you sue as well), where if you fancy getting a divorce you dial 1-800 DIVORCE and they’ll e-mail you the papers, Way Back When: Varsity Archives where the streets are lined with reliable if mediocre chains. »May 30th, 1970: Jeremy Paxman’s article on Sex and the Single Student Moreover, it means entering a zone where American-English lenge to established life styles. students who are not only socially does not reign supreme, where gauche but also surprisingly limited knowing only the supposed lan- Lectures are one obvious source of in experience. The “language of the guage of worldwide power risks “pick ups”, but here again one may park bench” is beyond their syntax. rendering one powerless to make be in a faculty with two women in And consequently many are inca- demands. a lecture hall of 150. The lack of pable of behaving in a mature way in communication is caused in part by their relationships. The result of lack Which is why such places as the pressures on the individual to of experience is that many elevate Cancún exist. I am not talking conform to the standards of the women to a plane far above that of about the quiet island it once was, others in the hall, and in part by ordinary relationships. The Woman rather the Mcdonalds lined resort reluctance to make oneself vulner- becomes an idealized concept, to the it now is. A stretch of beach able for fear of being repulsed extent that it is a social achievement where every other hotel has either by the woman in question or to have a girlfriend: “you’re just not “Palm Beach” in the name, so that by one’s fellows. making it if you don’t have a chick”. the Northern neighbours can shel- Many see the opposite sex in terms ter from the Big Bad World in The disillusion may well now which are purely physical. “You get replica Florida. For the same rea- become all embracing. Many the extremes – the weeds who just son, Cancún is “all-inclusive” women felt that they had in some talk about what records they’ve just package land, so that one need no way been let down. Instead of bought, and the studs who are just longer worry about the lack of “smooth men”, many had met only out for what they can get.” 24-hour supermarkets and take- “utter twits”. Many in their first out restaurants. In other words, it year found first year men emotion- A very great increase in the num- is a resort that cleverly allows a ally immature, while the third year ber of women in the university certain proportion of los Yanquis men had already been “hooked”. would help. Co-residential colleges to feel that they are being adven- Those who voluntarily or involun- would take away the mystique sur- turous while in fact actually tarily withdraw from the rounding women, and enable people requiring them to do no such Cambridge sexual rat race are to accept one another as individuals thing. often branded as “weird” or rather than as sex objects. A few “queer”. Some women are afraid to good sights of each other at break- If this all sounds more than a go into hall on Saturday night fast would rapidly destroy the ideal- little bit harsh, well, it is. But, tudents are almost day, and sleeps with a different because, “then you’re one of them ization of the opposite sex. As it is, like so many of us, I can only half proverbially liberal in woman every night. – the don’t go outers”. many are dissatisfied with the situ- criticise it, because I admit, their attitude to rela- ation as it exists at present, though not very proudly, that tions with the opposite In part this image is based on fact: The preservation of a mystique although few would go as far as the sunbathing on the white sand of sex. According to the some members of the university do attached to women is largely Newnham undergraduate who said, that US dollar funded beach image fostered by the lead a very free sex life. But as inevitable, given the background “You don’t need to go outside resort felt pretty damn good. Smass media, the average under- usual, it is only a “very small of many undergraduates. Single Newnham to find what you’re look- graduate drops acid five times a minority” who represent a chal- sex boarding schools often produce ing for.”

ARTS &

FEATURES!Friday November 10th 2006 | Issue 646

The Cult of Celebrity

Science Interviews Screen Literature » Varsity takes » Kate Allen » Real XXX: » The gender a day out to and Sharmi How reality TV divide: Lifestyle the Cambridge Chakrabarti stole the sex manuals for Science Park discuss human show boys and girls rights P 17 P 18-19 P 20-21 P 22

14 varsity.co.uk/features | 10.11.06 Features Front Celebrity Status A new study suggests that 36% of the British population are afflicted with “Celebrity Worship Syndrome”. With fame a more dubious, but compelling, concept than ever, Fatima Alam considers the cult of celebrity

e all know someone who has done Slyvester Bolam said that sensationalism are easy targets because of their (some- something extreme in a star-struck was a “necessary and valuable public serv- times forced) public life. Yet there is more Wmoment: the boy next door who ice”. However, there has been a growing the than just voyeurism and nastiness involved bizarrely bought a toilet seat once owned by rift between achievement and popular adu- in the fan/celebrity relationship, there is Demi Moore, or the easily-influenced lation; in the 1960s, John Lennon claimed real affinity. Dr. Stephen Reimer, in a lec- teenage girl who sports Paris Hilton “chic”. that the Beatles were probably more ture on “The Sacred in Contemporary But these examples are no longer consid- famous than Jesus. He was probably right. Culture”, explains how publicity and inti- ered to be as isolated, or as frivolous as they Celebrity worship is not necessarily a macy can sometimes become confused. once were. Psychologists even have a name case of simple, unadulterated love. In a “Mostly it’s a feeling that this face which for the most extreme cases – Celebrity you’ve seen a thousand times must be the

s Worship Syndrome. A research team at the face of a close friend.” Princess Diana is one University of Leicester found that 36 per » More U.S. citizens of the strongest examples of this friend the- cent of the British population are afflicted voted in the last series of ory. Even now, nearly a decade after her by it. death, she still has many “pilgrims” coming Celebrity worship is not, however, a com- American Idol than in the to pay their respects at her grave. The pletely new phenomenon, but an upwards inscription on her urn, in a very saintly curve of interest stretching far back into the last presidential elections fashion, reads, “Whenever you call to me—I e past. As Sartre commented on celebrity, the will come to your aid.” icons of our contemporary culture are like complex love/hate relationship with their The psychological dynamics of CWS have demi-gods, plucked from the public arena to fans, celebrities unknowingly act and (often been extensively researched but are still fill a “God shaped void in the conscious- fail) as heroes and heroines. Authors of the open to debate. Whatever name we give ness”. Nowadays our “Gods” work in less Sex Pistols: The Inside Story, Judy and Fred them, which ever angle we analyse it from,

r and less mysterious ways, with cathode ray Vermorel, have studied the cult of celebrity it appears a human phenomenon to appre- tubes and scurrilous tabloids churning out closely. They comment on the depth of feel- ciate fame and recognition and it seems like reality TV shows and 15 minute celebrities ing the fan has for their idol. “We were it’s here to stay – at into our living rooms. The mushrooming of astonished by the degree of hostility and least as long as we mass communication has pushed this aggression, spoken and unspoken, shown by remain human. process to the limits of sustainability. fans toward their stars. Later we realized And what disturbing limits they are. A that this was one necessary consequence of U.S. website, Gawker Stalker, posts the lat- such unconsummated, unconsumable pas-

u est celebrity sightings in New York and sion.” Fame becomes a form of public pun- allows you to stalk the famous from your ishment that the media gives itself the desktop. You could be a child molester or right to hand out. Cynics would the latest American Idol (a programme in argue it is human nature

t which, incidentally, more Americans voted to take pleas- than in the last presidential elections), a ure in per- society debutante or a pop star; the media version will find a way to make the tiniest details of and your personal life their headlines. Tabloids, celebri- for their part, claim that they’re giving peo- ties ple what they want and that their sales a are an indicator of people’s demands. As far back as 1949, Daily Mirror editor e F

varsity.co.uk/features | 10.11.06 15

OVER THE BRIDGE Status Monty Don When she was a baby, Becky Varley-Winter was held by Jonathan Ross. She reflects on the meaning of this experience, and the thrill of claiming a connection with someone famous

I was lucky enough to be touched by asked, understandably impressed. ruthlessly in me via my upbringing, I fame at a young age. The date: The reply came back that he was do feel a grain of pride in having hung 1987. The place: a house party in “surprisingly short”. out with Jonathan Ross at a party, even London, which my parents With such a rich her- though I was a square-headed ugly attended, with me, itage behind me, I feel baby at the time. I would also probably a tiny baby, in tow. thrice blessed by the Ross be excited if I spotted a celebrity in the All the celebrities of encounter. My only other street, regardless of who it was. the age were there. claim to fame, which unde- If I admired them, this excitement Monty Don graduated from Madonna lounged on the niably makes my would be understandable. What would I St John’s in 1964 with a sofa with Margaret life even more fas- say? Would I ask for their autograph? Thatcher. The cinating, is that Jools Shake their hand? Give them a high degree in Moral Sciences. He Smiths and The Holland’s son used to five? It is suspenseful to contemplate is now one of TV’s most Cure discreetly battled have drum lessons these things. But why would I be excit- popular horticulturalists and a for control of the CD after me. I can ed to see, say, Jordan, who I find unap- player. Billy Idol rebel- remember only that his pealing in fairly direct proportion to her best-selling author. His eight liously ate all the son wore funky orangeness? titles include The Sensuous hummus. coloured glasses, and Perhaps we just like to recognise a Garden and Fork To Fork. …Well, maybe not. But there was an air of face. Or perhaps celebrities are thrust Jonathan Ross was there, coolness emanating into our vision so forcibly that we feel a How did you spend your time when and I am reliably from them both sense of partial ownership, and celebri- you were at Cambridge? informed that he held me in his that was detectable even to my ty spotting is akin to seeing one of our I played Sunday cricket for the John’s giant, fame-filled arms. I only eight-year-old self. belongings wandering unaided second team. I was also involved in the regret that I cannot remember it. It However, like the cult of celebrity through the streets; we are music society. I played piano and organ was, I like to imagine, a happy itself, this article is some- appropriately star- in recitals. moment. thing of a gimmick. I like to tled. Or we are sim- What is your fondest memory of This is a blessing that runs in my think that I am not easily ply wide-eyed like Cambridge? family. As a journalist in the 80s, my impressed by fame. I come children at having some- I met my wife at Cambridge after only mum interviewed Tom Cruise. “What from a somewhat irrever- thing we have seen on three weeks; she was a linguist at was he like?” I asked, all agog. She ent family, in which the a television screen, Newnham. We’ve been married 42 years. replied that he seemed very nice. What chief reaction to or flattened in the Back then there were 5000 men to 500 is more, my dad once found himself Princess Diana’s death was pages of a mag- women in the University so it was a bit standing next to Alan Rickman, queu- incredulity, not at the azine, appear more difficult to meet females! ing for the toilets in a sad fate of Diana before us in fleshy, London theatre (it’s (which was admit- three-dimensional form, How did you celebrate the end of true: not only does tedly tragic) but at the hyste- like Pygmalion’s stat- your degree? Alan Rickman go ria of the media coverage that ue coming to life. I didn’t even go to get it – that’s a big to the theatre, he followed, to the extent that I Possibly not. I regret. My parents were very proud. My also goes to the was awoken on the day of am only attempt- brother and I were the first to go to uni- toilet). her death by my dad guf- ing to explain something versity from my family and I should “What was fawing loudly at the televi- inherently strange, while have given them the treat of the Senate he like?” I sion. gloating, because I was House ceremony. I did, however, go to get Yet, in spite of this touched by Jonathan Ross. my PhD. irreverence I am expecting a prize any day now. How did you spend the year after instilled P.S. Like, omg! My mum just told me you graduated? that she was fourteen weeks pregnant My wife and I got married then we took with me when she interviewed the Queen Mary to New York. We trav- Tom Cruise, so I was kind of elled across the country to Berkeley, there too! California where we worked as teaching assistants and took some courses. We then came back to Cambridge to under- take our PhDs - my wife’s took six years longer to complete as she had four kids! Any particular advice for a student wanting to stay in their academic field? It’s a lot better now. At my stage there was little provision for grads and it was quite lonely. However many subjects still have little if any funding. Only do it if it will deeply satisfying for you. Academia is poorly paid so you’ve got to be dedicat- ed. Apply online by 15 November 2006 for a pre-Christmas offer or 24 December 2006 for a January offer at www.mercermc.com/joinlondon varsity.co.uk/features | 10.11.06 17

UNDER THE Walk in the Park LABCOAT Udayan Bhattacharya steps outside the bubble Tristan Farrow and finds a vibrant scientific community On Tickling

umour has it that there’s more University’s prolific research activity Enecsys along with two fellow post- You can try this one at home with a going on in Cambridge than what has been significantly expanded graduates, highlighted the “pull factor” partner. Try tickling each other at Rwe perceive within the confines through its interaction with the park, that the University gives the Science first, and then try tickling yourself. of the “student bubble” – that phenome- and the interaction does not end with Park. Grabbing hold of a good idea, pur- Unless you have a pretty wonky non which causes us to become oblivi- the university producing spin-off com- suing it and not leaving your PhD on nervous system you’ll discover that ous to the activities of the great beyond. panies. Research is commonly spread the shelf emerged as the major motiva- auto-tickling sadly doesn’t work. And Indeed, it doesn’t require that you ven- between the university departments tion for most people. Dr. Mumtaz and for good reason. ture very far to discover one of Europe’s his two co-founders enthused about Cambridge neuroscientist Daniel most prestigious scientific entrepre- Students should seizing the initiative. “Students should Wolpert conducted an experiment in neurship centres. Many of you might » explore their entrepreneurial potential which pairs of volunteers were asked have noticed the uninspiring concrete explore their – they have nothing to lose”. to spank each other mildly on the fin- structures on your way into, or out of, The park’s activities also include the ger, using the same amount of force Cambridge without giving a second entrepreneurial development of treatments for cancer, they just received. A mechanical con- thought to the significance of the work potential - they have genome sequencing, increasingly traption applied the first stroke to going on inside. Established in 1970 by sophisticated imaging technology and start them off, and the show was over Trinity College in the north east of the nothing to lose the production of agricultural solutions after eight rounds. The study found city, the Cambridge Science Park is one that prioritise protection of the environ- that at each turn the amount of force of the biggest entrepreneurial hubs in and company laboratories. For exam- ment. And its not all about white coats - each volunteer applied increased by the area, combining cutting edge scien- ple, Trinity College’s Senior Bursar, Dr. you’ll also find environmental and almost 40%. “The key message is that tific research with business and com- Fairbrother, is Director of the Park. patenting lawyers, investors in science our findings show we are not aware mercial innovation. Factor in the numbers of Cambridge innovations and no less than the Royal of our actions as we think”, says Although the concept of building a graduates among the park’s 5000 Society of Chemistry. Then there’s the Wolpert. In additional experiments, business on scientific foundations is not employees and you begin to appreciate nursery, bar, restaurant, and a health the subjects were asked to squash novel or recent in any sense, it is quite the dynamic exchange that takes place and fitness centre. their own index finger with a force a modern phenomenon for scientists to between the two. Starting a business is not easy and that matched a mechanical finger- take the lead and turn their work into More insight was gained from speak- many flounder in the process, but if you squasher. The reader should not be viable, profit-making establishments. In ing to employees at the park. Mike believe you have something unique to alarmed, the forces used were mini- fact we probably owe this whole idea of Bond of Cryptomathic Ltd., a small but offer, the Cambridge Science Park is a mal. The results showed once again spin-off companies to a handful of Bottom: prominent e-security company, living example of people realising their that the volunteers used too much American scientists in the early sixties The acknowledged that the proximity of the dream – and the experience of witness- force. But when the subjects had to who decided to turn their research into Cambridge University was a “vital component to ing your concept evolve into reality is a apply the same force as the finger- Science commercially viable firms providing a Park glows setting up in any technology area”. Dr reward fulfilling enough for most. squasher through indirect contact range of solutions in different fields. It on the edge Asim Mumtaz, who, during his PhD at using a joystick, they matched the was the Silicon Valley which set the of town Cambridge, co-founded the company www. cambridge-science-park.com force more closely. trend for otherwise distant scientists to The brain is a poor judge of the take the leap into the world of entre- amount of force we exert. “To get the preneurial creativity. The idea of same feeling of force you feel [when importing the U.S. science park model applied by someone else], you need to was conceived in 1969 by the Mott exert more force”, explains Dr Committee, chaired by Sir Nevill Mott, Sukhwinder Shergill, who co- the then Cavendish Professor of authored the study, originally con- Experimental Physics, in a reaction to ducted at University College London. the Labour Government’s urging for When we make a movement, the universities and industry to become brain receives a signal to anticipate more closely affiliated with one another. it. But the key is that the brain then The relationship between the univer- subtracts from the senses what it sity and the science park clearly reflects predicts to be the effects of the action. the ideal upon which the park was “It is a way of filtering out uninter- founded upon: the collaboration esting information”, says Wolpert, between science and industry. Hosting with the consequence that we under- over 90 companies in an area of over estimate the force we use. And since 150 acres, fields as different as ecology our senses are numbed to the effects and nanotechnology are researched of our own actions, it also explains alongside one another, and subsidiaries why we can’t tickle ourselves. But of multinational corporations share the when someone else does it, you get park with small spin-offs. Our the giggles because the brain no longer adjusts your sense of touch. This effect allows us to focus more clearly on sensations coming from outside the body with minimal dis- BLUESCI HEADLINES tractions from inside the body. The authors hint this is a defence mecha- » Genetic Equity is a » Sleep Now in the Brain » Physicists Taught How nism developed by early humans. It Long Way Off Sleep is necessary to relax the brain, but to Communicate may be more valuable to assess The moratorium forbidding life insurance not the body, according to Professor Jim If you want to teach someone about another creature’s impact on you companies from using genetic information Horne of the Loughborough Sleep physics, always make sure you have nifty than assessing your impact on it, sug- to discriminate between their clients is not Research Centre. gadgets and a guitar. That was one of the gests Shergill. So, all in all, tickling working, according to the distinguished key messages last Sunday at the other people is going to be a less geneticist Professor John Sulston. Communicating Physics seminar. rewarding activity than allowing yourself to be tickled, just don’t allow the other person to go over the top. 18 varsity.co.uk/features | 10.11.06 Interviews This month, two of the most powerful people supporting human rights in the UK come to Cambridge: Kate Allen, director of Amnesty International UK and Shami Chakrabarti, director of Liberty. Varsity catches up with both of them. Kate Allen Tristan Farrow discusses the censorship of free speech, international injustice, and the role of the internet in putting an end to both, with the Director of Amnesty International UK

It’s easy to think you know public fig- front page splash announcing the into her answer with renewed zeal. The ures personally when you see them so launch of the campaign against inter- words seem well-prepared, but she still often on TV or in the newspapers. I had net repression and documented several speaks with a reasurring sense of con- seen Kate Allen’s face on screen numer- cases of bloggers around the world, viction; “I am an optimist and you have ous times. But when I walked into the jailed for expressing their views online. to be an optimist. I meet extraordinary Union office two weeks ago to meet the Last year Yahoo turned police inform- people with extraordinary stories of director of Amnesty International UK, ant, when it provided the Chinese courage.” the only thing I immediately recognised authorities with the email records of Her optimism is all the more were her designer spectacles. journalist Shi Tao, who got 10 years poignant in light of recent events; two Only then did her familiar face and hard labour for accessing a democracy weeks ago the Russian journalist and short brown hair gradually come into website in the US. It’s a bland claim to fellow Amnesty colleague, Anna focus. In her regular interview appear- say that the internet is a democratising Politskaya, was murdered in Moscow. ances on television she speaks charis- force. It is not going to happen auto- “Tragedies where you know the people matically in an even and confident matically according to Allen. “We are personally do affect you. Anna had cam- doing two things. First, lobbying gov- paigned with Amnesty against human ernments to support freedom of access rights abuses in the ongoing quagmire » I am an optimist to internet and to raise this issue at in Chechnya.” international level. The other part of Very soon after, Allen has to go. and you have to be an our campaign is aimed at companies Launching the “irrepresible.info” cam- optimist. I meet like Yahoo, Microsoft and Google. We paign seems to require an exceptional want to tell them that they should not amount of stamina, and as she heads extraordinary people be complicit in human rights abuses. off to the train station I’m left thinking “They all espouse values of openness, that she is an extraordinary person her- with extraordinary transparency and freedom of informa- self. stories of courage tion. They cannot attempt do that with us sat here comfortably in Cambridge and in the UK, and not do that with IMPRISONED tone, so I expected Allen to be tall and people who are struggling to assert overpowering. But as she stood up to their human rights in countries such as shake my hand, the image I carried in China. We want to avoid this two-tier David Hicks my head of a not-to-be-messed-with approach to the internet. And we all An Australian citizen, Hicks has been human rights activist gave way to the have a role as consumers, and power, detained in Guantanamo Bay since real Kate Allen, an approachable and that we can use. Our campaign is a way January 2002. He was imprisoned by softly spoken woman with a ready for individual people to take action.” the Northern Alliance in smile. Allen gives nothing away of her One of the hardest things to do when Afghanistan. Amnesty claim he is steely but quiet determination. organising an Amnesty campaign is to being held and tortured under mili- It is already after nine at night by find people willing to give their time. I tary commissions established by the time we leave the Union and sit ask Allen how students can help most Bush which do not comply with inter- down to dinner in an Italian restau- effectively. “At a fundamental level, join- national fair trial standards. rant. “And it’s not just China. Vietnam, ing us is important. Significant num- Tunisia, Iran, Saudi Arabia and Syria bers of members give us political access Kianoosh Sanjari have a poor record also”, continues and our clout. You can also contribute Student internet blogger from Iran. Allen, as we tuck into grilled mush- money by paying your subs, and you He has been held incommunicado in rooms. “We’re seeing an attempt of can also take action. It can be from one an unknown location since October some very unpleasant regimes to really email a month through to being in the 7th. He was arrested whilst reporting clamp down on the freedom of expres- cage on King’s college lawn for several on a clash between security forces sion. I think the internet really is hours at a time. And everything in- Left: and supporters of a Shi’a cleric. where the battle for freedom of expres- between.” Kate Allen is sion is now taking place.” By the time we reach dessert, Allen director of Brahim Sabbar Her address to the Cambridge Union starts to look a little tired. She has had the second Moroccan human rights defender largest on Friday 27th October was timed to a very long day. But, she admits, she Amnesty sentenced to a minimum of two years coincide with a renewed publicity drive couldn’t work 9 to 5. She suppresses a section imprisonment. He denies the charge for Amnesty International’s new cam- yawn and takes a cautious glance at worldwide of assaulting and disobeying a police paign, “Irrepressible.info”, which aims her watch. I decide I have time to with over officer which he claims has been falsi- to take the fight for human rights into throw in one final question: “Do you 250,000 fied. Sabbar collects information cyberspace. During her Union address, not become depressed by dealing with members about breaches of human rights in Allen waved a copy of that day’s harrowing stories every day?” Here the Western Sahara region. Independent newspaper, which ran a Allen’s face lights up again, launching varsity.co.uk/arts | 10.11.06 19 Shami Chakrabarti Tess Riley meets the director of Liberty to talk about politics, human rights and changing the nature of campaigning in the twenty-first century

bout an hour before I was due to Protest marches “make a difference”, as meet Shami Chakrabarti, I became does voter power. Individually, marches Arather nervous. Her public profile is might not be force enough but politicians impressive and impressive often means are “very sensitive to the photographs, the intimidating. The director of Liberty, a media, to the general political atmos- leading UK civil rights organisation, phere.” Likewise, the internet is a “very Chakrabarti writes for The Independent sophisticated twenty-first century cam- and regularly speaks on BBC Radio 4. paigning tool” and the courts are invalu- Having heard her speak, I’m all too aware that she doesn’t take any crap. The old left-right, tax When we meet, I’m relieved. » Chakrabarti is the same height as me and, and spend agenda is since I’m barely 5ft 3”, this is reassuring. Unfortunately, I proceed to greet her with, not up to speed with the “It’s great to finally meet you. You’re so issues we’re addressing. much shorter that I expected.” She laughs, remaining unfazed. Since her job involves For instance, is it left or campaigning against “terrifying violations of human rights”, including the anti-terror- right to be “for” the ist measures established after 9/11, I imag- planet? ine very little daunts her. Shami is in Cambridge to lead a human able for the sort of campaign work that rights discussion. “I’ll speak for just ten Liberty does. “This may very well be the minutes, then let everyone have a good old century of the non-party political cam- dig in.” She much prefers dialogue over lec- paigner”. turing, wanting to know what really mat- I ask Chakrabarti why the non-party ters to her audiences. When I mention the political campaigner will succeed where climate change march about to take place traditional forms of leadership have failed. in London, she starts tapping the sofa in “The old left-right, tax and spend agenda time with her speech: is not up to speed with the issues we’re “Environmental campaigners were addressing. For instance, is it left or right ahead of the game, way before mainstream to be ‘for’ the planet? to be ‘for’ fundamen- party politics. Throughout my life, green tal freedoms?” campaigners have tried to wake up the When I suggest that it is hard to know body politic to their very serious concerns what “right” and “left” mean anymore, she for the environment. Civic freedoms in bangs the sofa again. “Exactly! When I was Britain are comparable. We’ve been very young, party politics was thought to be too profligate and complacent with our consti- ideological – you wouldn’t say that today. tutional heritage just as we have been What does Labour stand for? What does with the planet. The next generation will Conservative stand for? It’s hard to know.” have to pay for their predecessors’ mis- We discuss unjust laws and I’m interest- takes.” ed to know what Chakrabarti thinks about It’s easy to see why Chakrabarti came non-violent direct action campaigning. ahead of Tony Blair, David Cameron, Although she would “never” say that the George Galloway and Bob Geldof in time has come for the public to act en Channel 4’s 2006 “Most Inspiring Political masse against the law, she is highly Figure Award”, coming second only to opposed to the relatively recently estab- Jamie Oliver. What does this say about lished anti-protest measures “which actu- Britain’s political situation? ally prevent people from asserting their “Recent generations lived through the democratic right.” Holocaust, the Blitz and the immediate For Chakrabarti, people should never fol- post-war period. The latter was a unique low laws just because they were passed by moment in history: people of every faith, parliament. “People must think for them- no faith, of every political persuasion, came selves. What if those laws sanctioned tor- together and agreed on the human rights ture, for example? There must be a space consensus, a non-negotiable bundle of for the individual to say ‘no’.” Liberty cam- rights which is no longer respected. That’s paigns under EU law – Chakrabarti was a what our political climate has done.” barrister at the Home Office until 2001 – But, how do we get people “rather more and Chakrabarti is keen to emphasise that quickly thinking about the constitutional we should never consider violating legal climate in the way that they’re waking up regulations lightly. “But, I would never to the climate change crisis”? Chakrabarti Shami Chakrabarti will be talking at Clare Politics on Tuesday 28th rule out disobeying an unjust law in order offers an impressive range of possibilities. November. See www.clarepolitics.co.uk for more information. to stand up for rights and freedoms.”

20 varsity.co.uk/arts 10.11.06 varsity.co.uk/arts | 10.11.06 21 Arts Front

ing, recent films with “real sex” in them, such as The Brown Bunny (2003) and 9 Songs (2004), have turned out to be inti- THE ARTS mate and intriguing, but ultimately bor- ing. COLUMN Time and time again, it is not porno- realism but stylised suggestiveness that people find more alluring. In Channel 4’s recent 100 Sexiest Moments, the top trouser-stirrer was the moment when Emily Stokes Ursula Andress swaggers out of the On The Archers ocean in Dr No, followed by the lesbian kiss in Cruel Intentions. There were only three actual sex scenes in the top ten, Contrary to popular belief, Radio 4 is proving that we are far more titillated by rarely educational. As fond of it as I am, teasing eroticism than actual sex – the hearing it continuously in the back- less we’re shown, the more we want. ground can feel like living with tinnitus More often than not, it is the farcical (I imagine). A day working (drinking nature of sex that is accentuated by film- tea) to Radio 4 leaves me pedantic and makers, as the absurdity of it all has prone to saying “humbug”. The worst side of my addiction is that I particular- The voyeuristic ly enjoy complaining about Radio 4: » Desert Island Discs’ descent into inane element is enjoyable, conversation; flower arranging on Women’s Hour (and other activities less but it is when we are suited to its audio medium); Melvin forced to watch Bragg. I would normally add The Archers to something that we do this list of irritants because – save the cow and sheep sound effects, which are not want to see that intriguing – it is boring. Time tends to sex in cinema is used pass rather slowly in Ambridge, appar- ently a bit slower than it does in real life. most powerfully But I have recently had to revise my stance. To fill you in (although I have a turned out to be a powerful comic slightly paranoid suspicion that people weapon. The unforgettable scene in Hot Shots, when Charlie Sheen seduces the girl by using various foodstuffs, eventual- » In the last three ly sizzling a juicy steak on her hot tummy, deflates all the sexiness that was weeks heavy breathing Reality invested in its serious counterpart, Top has been filling the Gun. When Ewan Macgregor yells euphorically that his cracking bonk airwaves. This has reminds him of a famous footy goal in Trainspotting, or when the occupants of finally reached an an apartment building start simultane- audibly indecent climax ously tapping out the rhythm of a noisy shagging couple in Delicatessen, Hollywood’s dreamy sexual bubble is are often lying when they tell me that burst – “if only these things happened in they aren’t listeners), real life” we laugh. Ruth and David have been married for While the voyeuristic element of watch- eighteen years and run a farm. They ing private lovemaking on film may be used to sit on the sofa (signified by a sat- enjoyable, it is when we are forced to isfying sigh into the microphone) and HardcoreAbove: filmmakers to push harder. The term watch something that we do not want to talk about the new calves (for the farm- A scene Olly Riley-Smith investigates the from the “porn chic” was spawned with Deep SEX ON SCREEN see that sex in cinema is used most pow- ing listeners). Until, that is, Ruth and 1970s porn Throat (1972) and Emmanuelle (1974), erfully. The disturbing and horrifically Sam started kissing in the cowshed. In blockbuster pornographic movies went mainstream, painful rape scene in Irreversible is made the last three weeks heavy breathing has changing nature of cinematic sex Deep allowing snobby critic and ordinary Joe Requiem For A Dream all the more so by the fact that the cam- been filling the airwaves. This has finally Throat alike the chance to catch a skin flick in Showing the pros and cons of heroin- era remains fixed, watching unflinching- reached an audibly indecent climax. I am their local movie theatre. The Japanese induced sex, scenes range from a ly, for the duration of the crime, while hideously compelled to fill in what inematic screwing – how was it for frantic kissing, writhing backs, post-coital cinema. The “outrage” in the seventies, arthouse film In the Realm of the Senses romantic split screen and a majestic Baise-moi (meaning “Fuck” or “Rape me”) they’re really doing in there (in the radio, you? Chances are the last screen pillow and ciggy routine, but recently all sparked by films such as Last Tango in (1976) was one of the first to portray shot spinning above a bed, to a sick- uncompromisingly presents the darker I mean). s Cshag you enjoyed wasn’t a cheeky, things sexy have been changing fast. Paris (1972), which featured Marlon explicit lovemaking in a sensitive and ening double-dildo sex show. side of sexuality. It is in these forms, the Recently, I managed to switch on (men- euphemistic, Carry On poke-fest or an Much to the chagrin of certification Brando using butter as a lube, or Don’t beautiful manner, demonstrating how overtly comic or tragic, that sexual cine- tally) to You and Yours, and was delight- artistically lit, intricately choreographed boards, filmmakers have long been try- Look Now (1973), in which the leads cinematic sex could be legitimately artis- Wild Things ma is most potent. ed to hear fellow listeners a little older piece of sensual body bending – it was ing to push the boundaries of what sexu- were suspected of actually having sex tic rather than porny trash. Madonna A must-see for any horny teenage So, what is the future for cinematic than myself feuding about dramatic probably real. Sex scenes, the almost sta- al content is acceptable to be shown in a during one scene, has only spurred on called it the most erotic film she’d ever boy: a sizzling champagne-drenched copulation? The latest Brit flick, Scenes of characterisation: “Ruth would never do t ple ingredient of any film that aims to seen. threesome between Denise Richards, a Sexual Nature, looks watered down to this to David”, they hissed. What made appeal to an adult audience nowadays, The issue that people, including critic Matt Dillon and Neve Campbell. the point of saturation, and will probably me choke on my digestive in delight was have been getting increasingly porno- Mark Kermode, have had with the include some foppish sex scene with as that those complaining were all men, graphic, serving up a generous dose of increase of unsimulated sex scenes is Kids much sizzling eroticism as Hugh Grant’s while women were breathlessly excited popcorn and penetration. that the “encroachment of hard-core For pure, powerful wrongness, the floppy mop of a haircut, that paradigm of by Ruth’s behaviour. I imagined farmer’s

r The problem with portraying sex in imagery into mainstream cinema” repre- final teenage rape scene that takes British sexiness. Contrastingly, wives leaving farmers all around the mainstream cinema is that filmmakers sents both a “laudable relaxation of cen- place as the other 5-16 year olds Destricted, a collection of short films by country, and wanted to call Mark are obliged to make something awfully sorship standards” and a destruction of sleep on, oblivious, is horrible. directors including Larry Clark (Kids) Lawson to discuss it. My advice to any silly look artistic, alluring, and inoffen- “the fictional world of the film”. The and Gaspar Noe (Irreversible), claims to Cambridge student who thinks The sive. The result has been sex of the most Left: recent intrusion of the real into the fic- Monster’s Ball explore the boundaries between sex and Archers isn’t their cup of tea would be to unrealistic nature. When was the last One of the tional has not only been due to an The explicit, genuine, emotional, erot- art, cinema and pornography, but think of it as a cultural phenomenon, time you enjoyed some Ghost-style phan- less explicit increased drive towards realism in sex ic, real passion in the sex scenes includes scenes with a man fucking his anthropological foreplay at the touch of a scenes tasmal foreplay before a bout of squishy, from scenes, but also because the rise of reality between Halle Berry and Billy Bob truck and a guy jerking off in Death button. Indulge in some heavy breathing clay-based tomfoolery? Faced with the notorious TV shows – potentially offering real peo- Thornton is electric. Don’t watch with Valley. Sexy? Maybe not, but there does- at seven o’clock and then have a snooze problem of getting it right, many direc- ple having real sex – has forced filmmak- the parents. n’t seem to be any danger of Hollywood to Front Row just after.

A brit flick tors have simply gone with the stale, 9 songs ers to up the ante. Far from being shock- climaxing any time soon. 22 varsity.co.uk/arts |10.11.06

THE FILM CLUB His ‘n’ Hers Tom Kingsley and Nell Pearce-Higgins consider Olly Riley-Smith the new wave of lifestyle guides for boys and girls On The Player ime’s out of joint. No one’s happy source material, showing forward think- Diptyque candles” in a power cut, wear with what they’ve got. Adults read ing females how to... “Bleed a Radiator”, sunglasses and drink coffee if you have a Tchildren’s books, and children read “Understand the Home-Buying Process hangover (revolutionary advice), and a Long before Charlie Kaufman wrote adult magazines. A niche has opened up, at a Glance” and “Wear the Appropriate reminder not to discuss “bikini-waxing his self-conscious movie about movie- and it’s already been plugged – by two horror stories” or “lurid one-night making, Adaptation, Robert Altman innocent-looking new books. » If you want a book stands” with potential in-laws. Sure, sure. had made this masterful satire on Tom’s a boy, so he’s been coolly flicking Our favourite tip, and one that should Hollywood. Rather than screenwriting, through The Dangerous Book for Boys. that looks dated, you strike fear into the heart of any romantic executive producing is the target. The Nell’s a girl, so she’s been neurotically might as well buy a male under 6ft tall, is to dump any man slimy Griffin Mill (Tim Robbins) is a poring over How to Walk in High Heels – shorter than you in your highest heels – man who spends his days lunching, The Girl’s Guide to Everything. What are genuinely old book “you shouldn’t compromise style for schmoozing, and occasionally rejecting these books, and what are they doing? love”. Also insisting that every woman the odd stupid movie pitch he hears. Well they’re meant to look old and nostal- instead of the literary should possess at least one pair of shoes With his career threatened by a young gic, but they’re actually cynical marketing equivalent of a with 10” heels means that, even for the upstart exec. (a venomous, pre-O.C. exercises horribly ripping off and ripping vertically challenged such as Nell, no Peter Gallagher), a bitter rejected up what’s left of our childhoods. With a paedophile in school man under 5ft 11” gets a look in. screenwriter begins to send him suspi- light dusting of irony. And the world The two books send out a very con- cious notes, leading to blackmail, end- doesn’t need any more irony. uniform fused message about the world we live in, ing with murder, and forcing Mill to The pink holographic cover and ‘ele- and it’s even more disturbing because gant’ font with an image of a woman they’ve been very successful. Men are changing a light-bulb in her underwear Underwear”. But many of the sensible desperate to relive their childhoods with A dollop of sex, and high heels speaks eons about The sounding headings lead to useless tips – repackaged tips on how to play with their » Girls Guide and its target audience of lib- “How to unblock drains”, for example, conkers, while women, it seems, would lashings of laughter, erated and empowered women. Glamour informs the reader that like nothing better than magazine deems it “just what every mod- “unblocking drains to have it confirmed in some thinly sliced ern girl needs”, while the Guardian calls is really yuk” and print that they’re too layers of suspense, it “the essential reference book” for “any should be dippy to ever self-respecting aspiring socialite”. Quite. done by unblock a drain. Below: and a happy ending It’s horrible, and it makes the women- A teatime someone else. They offer us slapped on the end. wanting-to-be-girls-wanting-to-be-women image from A man. nothing new in look horrible too. How to Walk Others are terms of gender The Player follows But the boys do alright. The red and gold in High patronising, insights, but simply hardcover of The Dangerous Book harks Heels. Image bizarre, and repackage the past, these rules to the tee back to the Boys’ Own manual, and the used with occasionally and demonstrate the kind permis- days when William Brown was the arche- sion of ridiculous, inadequacies of the fight for both career and life. typal boy and everyone kept a peashooter Harper- including “light present. What makes this darkly cynical gem in his pencil case. Happily unlike its female Collins all your such a keeper is the fact that the entire version, it pretends that the modern world film, a supposed exposé of “real doesn’t and couldn’t exist as it presents Hollywood”, is itself a joke, since information “Every Boy Should Know”. Altman and co. are self-absorbed Which is, obviously, “Building a Hollywoodites themselves. One charac- Treehouse”, “The Golden Age of Piracy” ter lists everything a successful movie (on the seas, not PCs), “Wrapping a Parcel needs – a dollop of sex, lashings of in Brown Paper and String”, “Latin laughter, some thinly sliced layers of Phrases”, and so on, perpetuating an ideal suspense, and a happy ending slapped of boyhood which is jingoistic, nostalgic, on the end. It is no coincidence that The and seen through the hazy sunshine of an Player follows these rules to the tee, afternoon spent fishing. and like all great satires, satirizes itself. Where The Girl’s Guide purports to be The ensemble cast are fantastic, with a manual for the contemporary numerous hilarious cameos including female, The Dangerous Book is Richard E. Grant’s absurdly dramatic unashamedly nostalgic in tone. British screenwriter, and dozens of In fact, it’s such a good pastiche celebrities playing themselves – Bruce of those halcyon inter-war days Willis rescues Julia Roberts and Jeff that you wonder why it needs Goldblum, John Cusack and Jack to exist at all. If you want a Lemmon mill around giving ludicrous book that looks dated, you “chat”. We become like Griffin himself, might as well buy an actually squinting hopefully at the famous – is dated book instead of the literary that Burt Reynolds at that table with equivalent of a paedophile in school Cher? The film turns us into the uniform. charmless spotters it mocks. But when Waterstone’s makes That’s not to mention Altman’s only 20% of its profits from books unique style of filming – get a load of written before the 80s, it’s clear that fantastic actors, rehearse for ages, put the publishers have no choice; modern them on location with mics on and a punters are only sated by something loose script, and film them, eavesdrop- bright and shiny and recently reviewed ping in and out of their improvised con- on TV. versations like a gossipy socialite. It’s a The Girls Guide tacks a racy Sex and the City veneer onto its Mrs Beeton

varsity.co.uk/arts | 10.11.06 23 Reviews The Crucible ##### VIEW FROM The Round Church THE GODS

This is, through and through, an excellently conceived pro- duction. James Norton’s ver- sion of The Crucible captures the attention and pins it firmly to the action onstage, to the Tim Smith-Laing extent that, on resurfacing for the interval, I found myself On Small Spaces leaning forward so much I was nestled snugly against the peo- ...Or not such a view from the gods. This ple sitting in front. Its not often week’s production of The Crucible had no you get a theatre experience so gods, only fittingly puritan wooden bench- brilliantly intimate. es, or the floor. Pleas to find new perform- The staging in the Round ance spaces in Cambridge have gone up Church works admirably, not before, but James Norton’s production merely as a compliment to shows just how effective branching out Miller’s portrayal of a God-fear- can be, and in ways which surprised me.

ing Puritan community implod- N Arthur Miller is not a subtle playwright; O T

ing under accusations of witch- R he does not deal particularly with any but O

craft, but because of the isolat- N the most extreme emotions, nor is he S ed, capsule atmosphere it E interested vastly in extended character M A achieves. This, combined with J development. I generalise, and his fans the cast’s effective observance ing swiftly through a demand- hunched on the floor. impresssive to see a large cast will disagree with me, but I don’t neces- of the accent (whatever it may ing series of emotional changes, The production is excellent who are able to modulate effec- sarily mean that as a criticism: few writ- be, exactly), positions the per- but always conveying the char- for the degree of sympathy tively between extremes of formance a world away, one acter’s underlying intelligence elicited for even the most emotion, and yet retain arrest- bound within a tight circle of for manipulation and cruelty. bloody-minded and foolish of ing points of detail. Fran » A small space has paranoia and fear. The audience Edward Rowett as John characters, such as Tom Stevenson’s Rebecca Nurse is a is close enough to see the Proctor and Stephanie Bain as Attenborogh’s Hale and Ed case in point – her stage time the risk of scuppering actor’s eyeballs glitter; between his wife Elizabeth both give Rice’s Parris, who watch in dis- may be small but her perform- a show by holding it the arches above the actors you sensitive performances, achiev- may as proceedings spiral out ance is spot on, inspiring power can espy church decorations of ing an especial power in their of their priestly control. Even and dignity into a character up to a magnifying carved faces, peering down on final scene together, whilst Angus Wight’s hard and unfor- which could easily become lost every move below. Senator Alex Guelff is particularly giving Judge Danforth inspires in the wrong hands. glass and pointing out McCarthy would have engaging as Mary, a weak- a certain pity. Miller’s writing The Crucible is one of those the holes approved. willed and increasingly desper- occasionally verges on carica- rare pieces of theatre which More importantly, the ate girl, whose gradual break- ture, yet handled carefully, as happily combines originality intense proximity granted by down under the pressure of here, this to emphasises the and talent, without pretension. ers play as well as Miller, or as often. the space is the perfect foil for intense questioning is excel- ridiculous nature of any climate There’s even free tea and coffee Given the chance he’ll leave an audience a set of consummate perform- lently observed. Even though of fear. The engrossing quality at the interval. Amazing. stunned, precisely because of the sheer ances. Amidst a strong cast, she takes the easy way out, you of the performance is a testa- size of the emotions he hits on, and the Beatrice Walker commands as can’t help but feel for the shak- ment to their hard work and to Catherine Spence frankness of the characters they affect. Abigail from the outset, mov- ing and screaming figure Norton’s direction; it is One would think though, that in such a small space, the largesse of plays as big and frank as Miller’s would suffer. Not only that but, we are (sob) dealing with student drama here: cheap costumes, tiny Peter Pan in Scarlet #### Online rehearsal periods, mixed casts, mixed directing … the list goes on. In a small Geradline McCaughrean this week space – and Cambridge has its fair share of small spaces – every creak and every » ”Luke crack can show; from the safety pins in a In 2004, the centenary of the first are better described as knowing remembering those never able to Roberts’ renaissance costume to the blink of a line performance of J.M. Barrie’s play winks. Peter may not have grown return. New life is breathed into fluffed. A small space has the risk of scup- Peter Pan, or The Boy Who up (though he has mellowed a lit- the words “They shall grow not writing pering a show by holding it up to a magni- Would Not Grow Up, Great tle) but Neverland has changed. old as we that are left grow old”. fying glass and pointing out the holes. Ormond Street Hospital held a As the book begins, the fabric The sinister Ravello tells Peter, doesn’t just But every show has holes. I don’t think competition to find an author separating reality and imagina- “Every consequence has further take your of “student drama” or Cambridge as willing to step into Barrie’s boots tion is unravelling. In 1926, the consequences my boy! being exceptional in that. Five weeks and continue Peter’s adventures. Lost Boys of London are once Everything you do comes back to breath away, after seeing Nicholas Hytner’s production Which is precisely what again dreaming of Neverland, haunt you”. To the irresponsible of The Alchemist at The National Geraldine McCaughrean did with and their dreams are becoming hero these words – dragging a it winds you” Theatre, I’m still picking holes in it. And Peter Pan in Scarlet, the first terrifyingly real. Wendy decides children’s game into the arena of – read Moya that was a very big space indeed, an all- official sequel to Barrie’s tales of that the only thing to do is to adult responsibility – are anathe- star professional cast, a well known direc- crocodiles, fairies and pirates. think the impossible and return ma. While McCaughrean’s book Sarner’s tor. The challenge is to raise a show not “Everyone knows that when you to Neverland. restores the status quo of review of 1, 2, only to the point where there are as few put on dressing up clothes, you The Neverland we discover is Neverland, it does so with an holes as possible, but to the point where become someone else” we are autumnal with a pervading sense increasing sense of this responsi- 3, 4, (5) on at no-one wants to find them. Small-space told. And Barrie’s boots must be of regret. The shadow of the bility. Peter Pan in Scarlet will theatre can do exactly that; being that more restrictive than most – how recent “Big War” hangs over inevitably face comparison with the ADC for close to a show and its cast, when it do you continue the adventure of London and its unsettling influ- the original, but its real achieve- two more works, leaves little room for an audience the boy who would not grow up? ence is felt even in Neverland. ment is facing up to Barrie’s to avoid being affected. When you can’t The triumph of this book is McCaughrean’s writing is at its fears: we must all grow up some nights turn away from even a simply capably- McCaughrean’s imagination - finest here – never heavy-handed day. acted show, when it’s that close, it can pulling the reader along from or sentimental, she suggests in have a cumulative affect that I’ve never chapter to chapter. The few the fewest of words the pain of Simon Jackson experienced in bigger theatres. After a moments that seem derivative returning to Neverland and while, when it works, you can get close enough for the cracks to disappear.

24 varsity.co.uk/arts | 10.11.06 Reviews

Online Little Children ### this week Dir: Todd Field » Get on to varsity.co.uk The darkness hiding under the means that no leading character cult things that can be asked of controlling wife. That Connelly’s glossy surface of contemporary emerges as somehow less flawed an actor, and thankfully all character feels short-changed is a to read Zara American suburbia is fast in dan- than any other and viewers will involved here prove themselves symptom of the only significant ger of becoming the most over- empathise with both the good in more than up to the challenge. quibble with an otherwise bril- Tempest- done subject in modern story- one person and the bad in anoth- Leading couple Kate Winslet and liant piece of filmmaking. While Walters’ telling. To glibly describe Little er. Appropriately enough, the only Patrick Wilson are no strangers to the widening of the focus beyond Children as superficially little really innocent characters in the morally murky characters, but Winslet and Wilson’s adultery review of more than a grittier version of whole film are the little children that does nothing to diminish the makes for a more engrossing Desperate Housewives might be who serve, sometimes tangential- power of their performances here. story, the need to balance and link Anthony selling the film short, but is cer- ly, to bring everyone else together. Perhaps the only disappointment their affair to the parallel plotline, Minghella’s tainly not inaccurate. Hence it’s a Making flawed characters sym- is that Oscar-winner Jennifer about a convicted sex offender real testament to fêted In The pathetic is one of the most diffi- Connelly is underused as Wilson’s moving into the neighbourhood, latest, Bedroom director Todd Field’s means that strands cannot help Breaking and sophomore effort that it remains but feel underdeveloped. thoroughly gripping throughout. Addressing the press, Field and Entering Far more complex than the tale Winslet very articulately of boredom-induced infidelity that explained why the emphasis the trailer emphasises, Little shifts the way it does, but the film Children instead minutely dis- itself does not quite manage to do sects how a handful of very differ- so in an entirely satisfactory way. ent character archetypes react to As it stands, Little Children is an the wall-free prison that they engaging, challenging and witty have come to inhabit, voluntarily character drama, but one that, or otherwise. Some fantasise frustratingly, proves marginally about escape, some continually try less rounded in execution than it to reinforce its illusionary perfec- most likely was in conception. tion, while others cross all kinds of lines to “protect” their commu- Stuart Smith nity. Skilful characterisation

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varsity.co.uk/arts | 10.11.06 25

Thomas Truax and Flipron ## The Loft

The first time I saw Thomas Truax, I had captivated me before. Sure the won- really didn’t know what to expect. All I derful songs were still there, and the had to go on was an over-excited friend of homemade instruments sent through mine named Lila gibbering something looping pedals sounded just as cool as about a “hornicator” and drum machines they ever had. His brilliance still shone made out of bicycle wheels. Obviously I through, just a little muffled this time. MIXTAPE was intrigued, but very dubious at the Unfortunately the “co-headliners”, Flipron, were really dreadful. I had been informed by the man on the door that » While Jools Holland “they were really great and I would love quietly creamed them”. It would appear that he lied. The warning signs were there even while himself, Flipron they were setting up. The dubious facial hair, silly shoes, unnecessary number of twiddled through a on-stage guitars and white-man-afro of series of songs that the lead singer/guitarist/chief poser rap- idly put me off. cried out “we’re trying a I would have been quite happy to let bit too hard to be fun” him off for these offences, however, if his band’s music had entertained me. Sadly this was not to be. While Jools Holland same time. Was this really something I quietly creamed himself somewhere in wanted to fill my ears with? Oh yes it the audience, they twiddled through a was. On that particular occasion (Truck series of songs that cried out “we’re try- Festival 2006) I was left a changed man. ing a bit too hard to be fun” and “we’re a Mr Truax had well and truly blown me bit retro with our irritating keyboards away. His songs about escaping orphan- and jazzy accordion”. I was entertained, ages and caring for giant injured butter- however, when one member of the audi- flies were simply wonderful. It was clear ence turned up the fan connected to the that Thomas really did not live on quite smoke machine, successfully filling the the same planet as the rest of us, but front area of the venue with lovely little somehow his world was a place that I clouds of fake smoke. Then we went to really wanted to experience for a little get cheeseburgers, which I enjoyed much while. more than Flipron. Sadly though, tonight he lacked some- James Tallant thing of the sparkle and mystery that

Jarvis #### Skream! #### Jarvis Cocker Skream

Gains- Similarly, he is still as direct The whilst Roll Deep have been bourgian as ever, if not more so. “I say: debut using it as a beat to rap over sex sym- shit floats”. However, the album by at their live shows. However, bol and overall effect differs; gone is Skream, Skream’s eagerness to the arse- the intoxicated razzmatazz a.k.a demonstrate his compatibili- wiggling of Different Class and the Croydon ty at times detracts from the nemesis claustrophobic gloom of This dubstep album. Mixes of his work are of Michael Jackson: Jarvis is Hardcore, and replaced by prodigy Ollie Jones, lies in a more captivating, and fading Cocker, whether pouting in the wry detachment of a post-Jungle slum of despair; out songs is a cop-out in any Pulp or grunting in Relaxed mature man giving his state its sparse highs merely genre. The vocal collabora- Muscle, has never been coy. of the nation address. Not to emphasising the bass-crawl- tions you can give or take; But now that he’s settled say this album is a weary ing lows. The mesmerising for me the live vocalist takes and solo, has domesticity trudge, rather it’s emotive "Stagger" is full of the dead- away the spellbinding nature dulled his wit? Well, lyrically and excitingly diverse, with end breaks and loose sam- of the music. These tracks he still finds the profound in musical styles embracing ples, intertwined with sub- almost need an album of the mundane: relationships chanson, brassy, SFA sun- woofer killing grinds that their own, so that the odd are there but so is popular shine-pop, Strokes-y punk, define Skream! The album is bursts of languid spacey culture’s sanitisation of Andrew Loog Oldham-style remarkably fresh, whilst bor- vocal or sound effects can atrocities, the repetitive melodious chiming and mock rowing from multiple genres. reign supreme. Don't let this nature of suburban social U2 epics with the same pro- The dubby grooves of “Blue put you off, though. These lives and international poli- ficiency and verve. Sex and Eyez” sit closely with a tech- are perfectionist worries, tics. One has the impression, politics haven’t been such no structure. As for which shouldn't detract from however, that the personal great bedfellows since John “Midnight Request Live”, a great collection of songs. always has been the political and Edwina. minimalist wizard Ricardo for Jarvis and these topics Rhiannon Easterbrook Villalobos went crazy for the Sam Blatherwick are hardly new for him. track when he heard it,

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 28 varsity.co.uk/listings | 10.11.06 Listings FILM THEATRE MUSIC EXHIBITIONS GOING OUT K

E The Return (12A) Forward Russia African Film Festival Arts Picturehouse The Junction Sat 11 Nov - 26 Nov,Arts E Thu 16 Nov, 17.00 Mon 13 Nov, 19.00, £9 Picturehouse Cinema Andrei Zvyagintsev’s first fea- Art school rock making like At The Cambridge African Film

W ture is a slow-burning, stun- the Drive-In after a James Festival returns to the Arts ningly-shot drama that Brown seminar, Forward Rus- Picturehouse with four

E immediately brings to mind sia map an admirably deft weekends of African film over Tarkovsky.Two brothers in a route through the pitfalls of the next couple of months. An

H decayed provincial town in Rus- hackneyed new-wave, facile opportunity to see something

T sia deal with their father’s reap- white-funk, and inaccessible slightly different. It will be pearance after an a bsence of hardcore. Mixing Sonic Youth’s showing old classics, UK Shut Up and Dance!

F twelve years and his attempts abrasive grind with a striking premieres, documentaries and with Herbaliser DJs to re-establish his paternal au- pop sensibility, they somehow shorts. This season puts the Fri Nov 10, Union, 21.00-01.00, £3.

O thority with brutal insensitivity. manage to be glam without focus on East and West Africa, Tonight’s S.U.A.D. features a set On a fishing trip, the tragically Krapp’s Last Tape ADC, Tue wearing trousers tight enough Sudan and South Africa. For by legendary DJ/Producer Jake transitory and ambiguous na- 14 Nov, 23.00. to commit spermicide, and ex- details see their helpful website Wherry, one half of the K ture of the reunion becomes un- One of Beckett’s greatest. The perimental enough to make at www.cambridgeafricanfilm Herbaliser outfit. Cheap drinks as usual, and you’d have pay £15 C clear. A terse and beautiful ancient Krapp looks back on his you wince. In a good way. Stu- festival.co.uk and watch out for I parable. life on tape with humour and, pid upside-down exclamation new additions to the programme, to see him in Fabric and it’d be All films showing at Arts Picturehouse marks in their name though. visiting directors and new films. full of tossers with glowsticks.

P well... massive misery.Yeah! unless stated otherwise The Passenger 17.30 Stoppard Shorts Corpus Playroom, 19.00 Karine Polwart Route 181 - CU Palestine Shut up and Dance! Union, The Page Turner 19.10 The Crucible The Round Church, 19.00 Frozen Queen’s College, 19.30 The Junction Shed, 19.00, £11. Chetwynd Room, King’s 21.00-01.00, £3. Happy Hour Romanzo Criminale 20.00 A Doll’s House Mumford Theatre, 19.30 Edgy stereotyped Scot College, 20.00, free 9-10. With DJ Herbaliser - get FRI The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 See What I Wanna See ADC, 19.45 The Lost Levels + The Recommended - a road movie in early to beat the Londoners The History Boys 21.10 The Hotel in Amsterdam Queen’s College, Kneehigh filmed along the partition line DJ Blakey Clare Cellars, House of Flying Daggers 23.00 23.00 The Loft, 21.00, £4 drawn by UN Resolution 181 1,2,3,4,(5)ADC, 23.00 21.00-00.45, £4. Beats and stuff

The Passenger 17.30 Stoppard Shorts Corpus Playroom, 19.00 Amplifier Jazz Jam Session DJ Jono at King’s Cellars 10 The Crucible The Round Church, 19.00 The Portland, 20.00, £5 Emma Bar, 20.00-00.00, £2 The Page Turner 19.10 Frozen Queen’s College, 19.30 King’s, 22.00-00.45, £2 Romanzo Criminale 20.00 A Doll’s House Mumford Theatre, 19.30 St. Elmo’s Fire, the Horn Come watch people schmooze. Indie/electro/new wave DJ SAT The History Boys 21.10 See What I Wanna See ADC, 19.45 The Loft, 20.00, £4 It won’t be like musical Hed Kandi The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 The Hotel in Amsterdam Queen’s College, Rock Night with masturbation, honest. Well Fez, 21.00-02.30, £8 23.00 Krbgrinder ARU, 20.00, £3 maybe a bit House of Flying Daggers 23.00 1,2,3,4,(5)ADC, 23.00 Bourge house music

The Page Turner 19.10 You can take a break from Status Quo The Corn Figures on Fabric Super Sunday 11 The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 schmoozing at the ADC bar Exchange, 19.30, SOLD OUT - Fitzwilliam Museum Soultree, 22.00-02.30, £4 The Wind That Shakes the and read a book, watch a film, people are obviously taking An exhibition of beautifully Bring a loaded gun SUN Barley (Christ’s) 20.00, 22.30 be alright, you know.Then you one for the team done English 17th Century Bam-boo-tv Requiem For A Dream can tell everyone in the ADC After 4 + World on Fire needlework Fez, 21.30, £4 (John’s) 19.00, 22.00 bar about it. The Loft, 20.00, £4 Take that real world Save the pandas with death 12 Red Road 12.00 Forward Russia Ray of Light Exhibition Fat Poppadaddys The Page Turner 19.00 The Junction, 19.00, £9 The Ark, Abington Fez, 21.00 - 02.00, £4 The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 Acoustic Cafe Displaying a mixture of glass, Pleasingly generic, like a wank ON The Bun Shop, 21.00, free but photography and mixed in Ikea M potentially rubbish media. You should probably get drunk instead 13 Hidden (Cache) 13.30 Abigail’s Party Corpus Bluetones Stella Dina’s Compendio: A Precious* LBGT Night Romanzo Criminale 20.45 Playroom, 19.00 The Junction, 19.00, £14 tribute to Federico Garcia Club 22, 22.00-02.00, £3 In A Lonely Place 21.15 The Permanent Way ADC, MV & EE, The Doozer Lorca Pigeonhole your sexuality! TUE The Page Turner 19.00 19.45 CB2, 20.00, £5 Free, 4 Nov - 3 Dec. Solo exhibi- The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 Krapp’s Last Tape ADC, 23.00 Britten Sinfonia at Lunch tion at New Hall. Politics and 13.00, £3, West Road Hall Art. Does it get any better? 14 The Pervert’s Guide to Abigail’s Party Corpus, 19.00 Michael Chapman Literary Circles: Artist, au- Melamondo Cinema 17.30 The Permanent Way ADC, The Junction Shed, 20.00, £10 thor, word and image in Fez, 21.00-02.00, £4 The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 19.45 Whisky fuelled Yorkshire Britain 1800-1920 Int’l Night. Ave Maria! WED The Page Turner 19.00 Iphigenia at Aulius Friends blues. here’s hoping he bottles Fitzwilliam Museum. Make Rumboogie Annie Hall (Christ’s) 22.00 of Peterhouse Theatre, 20.00 someone. Now that’s rock yourself feel better about vomit- Ballare, 21.00-02.00, £3 Dogg’s Hamlet ADC, 23.00 ing on an attendant in Fez Pretty much indefensible 15 THE RETURN 17.00 Abigail’s Party Corpus, 19.00 Ezio Rodin: All About Eve Urbanite The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 The Permanent Way ADC, The Junction, 19.00, £12 Kettle’s Yard. Read about the is killing Cambridge. Still Romanzo Criminale 20.45 19.45 Motorhead pieces on display, wax lyrical Soultree, 21.00-02.30, £3 THU The History Boys 21.00 Iphigenia at Aulius Friends The Corn Exchange, 19.30, £22 about the beauty and psycholog- The Wind That Shakes the of Peterhouse Theatre, 20.00 White Label Music Night ical intensity of Auguste Rodin’s Barley (John’s) 21.00 Dogg’s Hamlet ADC, 23.00 Portland Arms, 22.00, £6 sculptures. Get laid

16 Cambridge Comedy BOOK NOW Festival one-night-only Comedy The Futureheads Sun 12 Nov, 19.45 Festival. It’s the first time The Junction £7.50 this millennium that the Mon 4 December At Cambridge Arts Theatre Footlights will have 19.00, £9

W this Sunday, students from stepped on the Arts Durham, Oxford and Theatre stage .Which is Buttock-clenchingly tight

O Cambridge will all be under an inoffensive fact. call-and-response indie one roof. Not, Luckily the festival will from Sunderland perfectly N disappointingly, for a feature jokes that are far, timed for the end of term. violent but somehow far more offensive. It’s Though you might die on

K attractive brawl based on nearly sold out, because the way to the Junction... arbitrary institutional loads of people like jokes,

O allegiances, but instead but if you go to united under the www.cambridge O egalitarian yet rigorously artstheatre.com as soon as elitist banner of comedy. you read this, you can grab B The Arts Theatre will host some of the last 100 the Durham and Oxford tickets set aside for revues, as well as its long- students, like the grasping beloved Footlights, for a little shit you are.

varsity.co.uk/discuss | 10.11.06 29

Corrections and Cambridge Crisis: answers to your problems clarifications » “At the end of every supervision I feel mentally and emotionally battered” »The Cambridge Union Treasurer, Ali Al-Ansari, has raised over £20,000 for Michaelmas term, not for a full year as was stated in last week’s Dear Varsity, and at the end of every supervision I it is providing a challenging environ- allow his self-important tirades to “Money Matters” feature. This is the feel mentally and emotionally bat- ment and has merely told me to fight continue. It has reached the point highest amount of sponsorship funds I would really appreciate some tered. My quality of work is suffer- back; I have attempted this but have that I am considering not attending the Cambridge Union has received in advice on what to do about my ing, my pleasure in my subject is been shouted down. I feel that I can’t supervisions. I am entitled to an edu- one term. The previous record holder supervision partner. We have super- decreasing rapidly and I am begin- speak to the offending student about cation, and am therefore loathe to was the 1992 Treasurer, who raised visions in pre-arranged groups of ning to dread attending supervi- the issue and just don’t know what give in, but the situation, as it £13,000 (inflation adjusted) for two, and my partner is arrogant, sions. to do. His overwhelming confidence stands, is unbearable. What should I Michaelmas term. rude and confrontational. He shouts I have told my DoS about the prob- is making me feel belittled and reluc- do? down my points with such aggres- lem, asking to switch supervision tant to speak in my supervisions, as sion that I feel I cannot argue back partner, but he is of the opinion that it is far easier to just sit there and Sarah It is Varsity’s policy to amend all significant errors as soon as possible in the digital edition on varsity.co.uk Dear Sarah, or find you a new one. behaviour, for which there is no place and in the archives. Please email any They’re going to be paying for your in academic discussion. errors to [email protected] It may reassure you to know that Good luck, and don’t forget to have supervisions anyway , so it’s better for noting the issue and page number(s). you’re certainly not alone with this confidence in your own abilities! you if it’s going to be with someone So, my advice would be to have a Or telephone the business manager sort of problem, whether in an aca- you like and you’re going to gain word with your supervisor(s), tell on 01223 337575 between 9:30am and demic, social, work or extra-curricular Luke Pearce something from it, rather than not them about the difficulties you are 5pm Monday to Friday. context. Cambridge Union President showing. experiencing in getting your points But whatever happens, don’t give up across, and ask them to moderate the It’s interesting how these self-impor- Dear Sarah, on supervisions. They’re one of the discussion a bit more carefully. Note, tant and arrogant types exist in all main reasons for choosing Cambridge this does not mean that you yourself walks of life. Many high profile people You were right to go to your DoS ini- over anywhere else, and they’re far should not do your very best to argue in our society are actually fairly talent- tially, because they are supposed to be more important than lectures or even your case, even when faced with the less; they’ve got where they are responsible for academic matters. practicals – I missed more in two sort of opposition you describe, but I because they’ve been forceful, uncom- However, as their solution isn’t work- supervisions that I slept through in think you’d certainly benefit, and, co.uk promising and sometimes quite nasty. ing it might be worth trying to take it my first year than I did in a whole equally important, start to enjoy your Their efforts may occasionally bring into your own hands. You could try to year of missed 9am lectures! supervisions again, if the discussion Andrea Levy them success, but the heavy price can arrange to switch supervision part- was more carefully moderated by the » be a lack of true friends and happiness. ners with one of your friends, although Nick Plummer and Philip Bielby supervisor. talks to Lucy if your partner has such a reputation Michaelmas Assassins' Game Remember that just because your as you make out then they might not Umpires Arjan Zuiderhoek McSherry about supervision partner can shout louder be so willing to swap. Junior Research Fellow and DoS in and talk for longer, his arguments Dear Sarah, Classics, Homerton College her ideal dinner aren’t better than yours. If you’re The other person to try would be your going to ‘fight back’, as your DoS sug- tutor, who although not technically Well, I can see how this can be trou- party guests gests, make sure you stay focussed on responsible for academic matters, is blesome, but it seems to me that this the question in hand and don’t adopt responsible for your health and well- is first and foremost a problem your Paxman has your supervision partner’s tactics. being. If this guy is driving you to supervisor(s) should address. It is the » such lengths as not attending supervi- supervisor who should take care that landed: the former Life’s too short to spend time arguing sions then this really should be taken each student gets a chance to speak with people like your supervision part- up by your tutor. They will be able to and can argue his or her case Varsity hack ner. Know your audience: the person arrange something, be it a different freely and without you need to persuade with your strong supervision group or perhaps even a being interrupted. returns to the academic arguments is your DoS. different supervisor. Then, after people have Make sure you direct your points Another route would be to ask your had a chance to make Cambridge Union

towards him, and if he’s any good, he’ll supervisor if they could offer you their point, discussion can T N listen and give you constructive feed- another supervision slot, either on commence. It is the supervi- U H »Win Borat stash back. your own or with someone else (per- sor’s responsibility to ensure S E L

haps even from another college), or if that all students attending ben- U in our podcast J

If you continue to find supervisions they could recommend anyone else efit from the supervision, not just : N O unbearable, I suggest that you who would be prepared to supervise some of them. As for aggression, I

T competition A

approach your DoS again or speak to you. As a last resort, perhaps ask your rudeness and shouting down fellow R T your tutor. Your DoS needs to have DoS if they could find another supervi- students, surely the supervisor should S U L L

words with your supervision partner, sor for you. intervene and put an end to such I Varsity asks: a boy? (3,5) Varsity crossword no. 457 Poll Results Games 2. Ego deludes content mathemati- cian (5) 12345678 Cryptic 3. Member of tribe got shot or We asked: So how much of a destroyed (9) Cambridge clubber are you Crossword 4. Breathing equipment made from anyway? Set by NENWES 9 10 a) If there’s a sweaty dancefloor ACROSS leek tips — snore sorted out (7) that needs filling, I’m there. 1. Twelve dozen in Eden oddly fascinat- 5. See 11 across b) It’d be awfully rude not to ed (9) 6. Fly somewhere west of Brighton, boogie on down if the Hawks 6. Craving David first aspired (5) right? (5) 11 12 are out. 9. Lord to return — wait for him in the 7. Repel pony, scattering flammable c) Cambridge clubs are so passé theatre? (5) gas (9) 10 but once a term to Fez is ok. 10. Blatant about fifty-one not noticing 8. Cleaner is something particular, d)I can’t imagine leaving my (9) 13 14 15 11. 11+13+27+5. Everyone joins in and perhaps, to the queen? (6) maths for an entire evening. the production is cancelled — it’s turn- 14. Condemn in sudden movement 13 16 16 ing Nicholson grey (3,4,3,2,4,5,4,1,4,3) following academic — worry not (4,5) 19% 12. Celebrate in verse some transcriber 15. High flier has no project within 19 17 18 19 20% (a) Hymenaeus (7) changing area (9) (d) 17. Nearby gunshots flustered a writer 16. Bizarre story about three cardi- 20 22 — and is his fruit ticking? (7,7) nals forming Shropshire town (8) 21. I’m super, changing referees (7) 21 23 24 16% 23. Maybe tore and stared at some- 18. Make slit nor hole in nose (7) (b) thing returning swiftly seaward (7) 19. Philosopher composer Alban’s up 19 45% 25. Country notes watersheds (9) next (7) (c) 26. Article spinning net is concerning 20. Just let flow, timeless, in the 25 26 (5) Punjab? (6) 22 28. Wayward yet loving, being elder- 22. Drink, to a degree, equals dance ly (9) (5) DOWN 27 28 Go to varsity.co.uk for games 24. A tribe — nice one, strangely (5) 1. For this meal you need these, and solution and to vote in our poll

30 varsity.co.uk/lifestyle | 10.11.06

Lifestyle editors: Saskia Payne and Carol Peacock Lifestyle Email: [email protected] The Varsity Date » With the weather getting colder, it’s time to find someone to snuggle up with over the long Winter months. Concerned for the romantic happiness of our writers, Varsity sent two of them on a blind date to Glaze To Amaze on Burleigh Street

His Story Her Story Pete is a 21-year-old, Biological Rachael is a 19-year-old English stu- Anthropology student from dent at Trinity Hall. She likes sailing, Downing. He likes Cheryl Tweedy. Weetabix, David Attenborough and He dislikes Ashley Cole. His table football. She dislikes aggressive favourite colour is red. bicycle riders. Her favourite colour is green. Being asked to go on a blind date is a bit like being asked to have sex with the I glanced over rather tentatively at my queen; it’s a great honour, flattering date for the afternoon, and wondered even, but nobody really wants to do it. whether he would ever forgive me for Never was this truer than with me on painting his portrait on a cup with a hue the Varsity Blind Date last week. My named “butternut” for his skin tone. It work load was just starting to peak and had looked perfectly peachy in the bot- the idea of spending an afternoon with a tle, but alas, too late I noticed the colour complete (albeit, hopefully beautiful) code on the wall of the Pottery Cafe stranger did not fill me with excitement. indicating what shade to expect from On meeting Rachael, however, I was each deceptively pastel liquid once it instantly put at ease. Whilst she was had been fired. When Pete comes out of not the kind of girl that I had expected the kiln on Friday I fear he’ll find he’s to be spending the afternoon with, by been through a tanning process worthy the end of it I was glad that I had. of David Dickinson. Having sheepishly Rachael, initially at least, seemed confessed the crime, my well dressed rather intimidated by my presence – or rather, more humoured by it. Indeed my expectations for the afternoon dipped » A comprehensive somewhat when asked the question “So knowledge of 90s do you attend the university?” Striking most people I meet as more of an “ARU Saturday night type person” and having spent many an occasion trying to convince people other- television eased the wise, I was not completely shocked by such a comment. I was, however, less initial greeting than confident that I had managed to convince her that Downing was an actu- partner took control of the situation al college, and that it was located near admirably and corrected my faux-pas the Downing Site and Parker’s Piece with chivalrous grace by adding unflat- (both of which she had never heard of). teringly ruddy cheeks to his artistic My pride had been somewhat bruised. depiction of me, and forgetting to give me any ears. I have never been to the Grafton » My expectations Centre, a Pottery Cafe or for that mat- for the afternoon ter on a blind date before. Coupled with the fact that my bicycle has begun dipped somewhat to mimic Herbie, and had dragged me through two puddles, the cloud of a bus’ when asked the exhaust and underneath a tree shower- ing dirty rain, I arrived at the meeting question “So, do point looking flustered and less than elegant. Thankfully, a comprehensive you attend the knowledge of 90s Saturday night televi- university?” sion eased the initial greeting: in the words of Cilla Black, “What’s yer name chuck? And where d’ya come from?”. The date itself was very enjoyable. As we were led off to the secret location Deciding to paint Rachael on my mug I was relieved to keep going past the was, I thought, a brilliant idea – just the butchers, bicycle shops and hardware kind of thing that could have won “ahh- stores – I couldn’t see much romance hhh you’re so sweet!” brownie points. I blossoming over a mincing machine or just hope that she didn’t take the lack of puncture repair kit. Actually, I am glad a neck and ears as a personal attack. we weren’t dispatched to a beach resort Once settled I found Rachael to be a in the Maldives to bicker over the bread pleasure to be around. She was interest- rolls at breakfast either; I think we dis- ing to talk to, willing to listen to things I covered genuine artistic therapy hum- had to say and she has obviously lived a ming to Ronan Keating, mutilating our very interesting life. I enjoyed my time muses and filling up blank porcelain with Rachael and, whilst initially dread- with a shrubbery. I could quite easily ing the occasion, it turned out to be a have spent all week there drinking relaxing break in the pleasure of good instant coffee and making a mug of company. someone else for a change.

The Verdict: The Verdict: I’d only want to be friends. Wouldn’t mind bumping into him again.

varsity.co.uk/lifestyle | 10.11.06 31

Food and Drink editor: Katie Craig Food and Drink Email: [email protected]

THE RESTAURANT Best Burger in Cambridge COLUMN » For those who need to refuel before the post-club wander home in dark, Russ Glenn goes in search of the Holy Grail of takeaway Jossie Clayton Gardies Uncle Frank’s Van of Life Manna Mexico Thanh Binh #### The Gardenia, located on Rose It’s an issue for debate how this one On the Gardies side of Market Square I had previously thought that great Crescent across from Caius, is a got its alternative moniker, the “Van sits that pagoda of late-night scrump- Mexican food in the UK was impossi- With week five come essay crises, Cambridge institution. This publica- of Death”. Although horror stories of tiousness, the Van of Life. It’s a big ble (after checking out all three sup- colds and buttery blow-out. I can tion even helped save Gardies from takeaway terror supposedly inspired name to live up to, but it does a pret- posedly “awesome” places on Kings suggest a cure: Thanh Binh. A extinction back in 2003, spawning it, I think it’s more likely just because ty good job. The burgers are delicious Road in London), but Manna Mexico Vietnamese restaurant on Gardies: The Opera, and a new gener- it’s kind of the underdog competitor – I particularly recommend the has thankfully proved me wrong! Magdalene Street, Thanh Binh is ation of rabid fans. As for the food, to the Van of Life. Located on the Cheese and Bacon Burger (or the Run by Drew Grewal, an Eddies ’05 more known for its handbags in the it’s hit or miss. Their burgers aren’t other side of Market Square, this “CB+”, for regulars). Also good is the grad, the Burrito Van is parked out- window than the food. Don’t let as great as the vans’, but the chicken charming little nightspot whips up a quesadilla, though the guacamole side of St. Edmunds College on this put you off: the subtlety of or lamb souvlaki is delicious, and my mean Turkish kebab. Fresh off the always seems to be missing. Thursday and Saturday nights. It’s a flavours that include lotus seeds, vegetarian friends swear by the big rotating spit, the “Meat ‘n’ Chips” bit of a hike, but oh-so-worth it. My jackfruit and fresh chillies outdoes chickpea and aubergine pitta. meal offers just that – lots of meat The Chips: Better than Gardies’, but favorite is the Big Ass Burrito with any embroidery. draped over the best chips in the microwaved cheese was the same Chicken, though it’s always a tough Thanh Binh is one of the few The Chips: Soggy from too long in Cambridge. globby mess before I was done. choice between that and the quesadil- restaurants in Cambridge that does the microwave, and the melted las. not serve alcohol. Drinking soci- cheese congealed almost immediately The Chips: French fry heaven. Crispy The Bottom Line: eties and dates need not to worry, in the Cambridge evening cold. chips, with lots of cheese sprinkled on Best bet for burgers. The Chips: What, tortilla chips? however, as corkage is £1.20/head. top. No microwaved goo! The healthy option is not such a The Bottom Line: Great for veggies, The Bottom Line: Best Mexican I’ve desperate choice as intricate pots of or if you really want the fleeting fame The Bottom Line: If you’re a meat found this side of the pond. Chrysanthemum, Jasmine and of having your photo on the wall. and potatoes kind of person, this one’s Green tea filled square cup after for you. cup and joined options such as iced lemon tea on the menu for £1.50. » A knife was needed in lieu of embarrassing chopstick technique

Starters (£4.50 - £5.50) include light spring rolls filled with oriental mushrooms and tapioca noodles, crispy coconut pancakes and a chicken and jackfruit salad that comes with crumbly prawn crack- ers. Portions are generous and mains cover a range as broad as the imagination; a speciality of the AMICA DALL restaurant is its range of Hot Pots (Lau) with chicken, pork ribs or steamed vegetables. The black bean sauce was surprisingly deli- MODERN MANNERS MAKETH THE MAN cate and the meat tender not stewed; “crispy” duck can be cut with the edge of a fork and So, you’ve mastered your subject (or to suit your multiple needs is a plate Refuse to dine with anyone who does Simply point at your bin when he/she steamed lemongrass lightens a at least enough to keep you going of fruit, toss your head back, roll not follow these rules. If your fellow enters and then turn back to playing coconut sauce. Giant fried king until the next essay deadline) and your eyes and exclaim indignantly, diners, ask you to “fifty” them back, Spider Solitaire on your laptop. prawns in a chilli sauce with crispy you’ve schmoozed, bribed and back- “Fruit!?! For God’s sake, how diffi- tell them that you only care about noodles were presented imagina- stabbed your way to the top of the cult is it to provide a non-dairy, their safety and think they’ve had Graduation tively and a sweet vermicelli soup social ladder; but, wait, that’s not all vegan, low-fat, kosher, wheat-free enough. left me thinking my eyes had been that Cambridge is about. No, things meal?!’ Your fellow diners will be Graduation is that very special time bigger than my belly. The £7.50 - happen in this mini-metropolis which supremely impressed by your fash- Day to Day Life when you say goodbye to all your fel- £12 range for main courses is fairly just don’t occur in the real world. ionable allergies. low students and move on to the real priced and all of the puddings cost We’re talking tradition and if you Leaving your seat when supping Punting is an extremely refined world. It also gives you the perfect less than £4. Different from many really want to get on here, you’ll at a formal is seriously frowned activity that you should do as much opportunity to reveal what you real- other oriental menus in Cambridge, need to know the social rules that go upon. If a fellow diner starts chok- as possible. To get the true ly thought of everyone. “I hated my these desserts are specific to the with it. ing on a bread roll, help the poor Cambridge punting experience, act degree and I hated all of you” is an culture of the venue. Caramelised chap out by raising the volume of like the people who use punts the interesting way to start any gradua- ginger is an unusual but effective Formal Hall your conservation. You may have most and therefore surely know tion dinner. N.B. If you’re planning accompaniment to vanilla ice cream to start shouting in order to them best: tourists. Put on 300 on taking a PhD at Cambridge, this and I will be going back just to say Formal Hall can be an overwhelming drown out his rapidly accelerat- pounds, wear massive Bermuda might not be the best tactic. that I have eaten red bean sponge. experience for those with little prior ing gasps. Don’t worry: expe- shorts and a baseball cap and Remember: just because you’ve Eating at Thanh Binh is more knowledge of fine dining etiquette. rience demonstrates that the perfect falling into the Cam, graduated don’t forget all the like unwrapping a present than Reduce potential embarrassment by noise he’s making should die while trying to take a picture of Cambridge traditions you’ve experi- mundanely deciding what next to practising basic gourmet dining eat- down after a minute or King’s Chapel as your over- enced. Nauseate your family for the eat. The waitresses even noticed ing skills in your gown at Nando’s two. made-up wife, Trish, wearing a next twenty years by making them when a knife was needed in lieu of the night before. Pennying is incredi- fanny pack, looks on. eat three times a week in the hall of embarrassing chopstick technique Make yourself stand out at Formal bly common and cheap. Making conversation with your your house, solely by candlelight. and the atmosphere is intimate yet Hall by ticking every option there is The true gentleman or bedder can be an awkward Ignore all pleas to act like a normal informal. on the meal request form (including lady knows to use a encounter for many students. The family and don’t forget to penny I pottered back to college sur- the ones that cancel each other out). crisp fifty pound note in best way to get around this is to your five-year-old. rounded by a happy cloud of herbal When all that the caterers can find all drinking games. pretend to be foreign or mute. Frederick Way tea feeling like I’d just had a beauty treatment rather than a big meal.

32 varsity.co.uk/fashion | 10.11.06

Fashion editors: Saskia Payne and Carol Peacock Fashion Email: [email protected] Casino Royale » Maximise your Bond Girl potential with a vintage ball-gown or a high street party dress to celebrate 007’s return. You only live twice after all, so dress to thrill

Left: Red satin dress £80, Oasis. Above left: Khaki silk dress, designed by Saskia Payne, made by Yaly Couture. Above: Black floor length dress £150, Fur cape £10, both Dixie’s stall, Market Square. Accessories stylists’ own. Max, Guy, Sam and Varun wear their own tuxedos Many thanks to Churchill Casino at www.churchillcasino.co.uk Photography by Andy Sims at www.andysimsphotography.com Styled by Saskia Payne and Carol Peacock varsity.co.uk/fashion | 10.11.06 33

Fashion editors: Saskia Payne and Carol Peacock Fashion Email: [email protected]

RIP WHAT YOU SEW

Benj Ohad-Seidler On Recycling

During a midmorning lecture this week, a chain of white Helvetica words glowed back at me from the power-point projection. The gist of them was “obligation to... leads to freedom for... leads to freedom from...” Although the lecture dwelled on Baroque architecture, Aristotle and Sienna, one could apply the idea to fashion. Every leopard print leotard, Miss Selfridge prom dress and Ralph Lauren polo shirt is a reflection of our past style aspirations, which, once achieved, represented our sartorial and political convictions and, in turn, eventually became our past style shackles; the aesthetics that we chose to break away from as we grew out of them. So, many teeny-bopper girls of our generation emulated the feather pens, pink cardigans and mini kilts worn by Alicia Silverstone in Clueless, thinking “who wouldn’t want to be a Beverly Hills shopping queen with a super cute style?” This warped logic led to the whole Clare’s Accessories phenomenon and the “fashion-y” girly girl cliques at school. Fast forward a few years, and those same young women are now shedding that saccharine poly- ester skin for which they once yearned. High fashion works in the same way, where a design- er like Prada will herald and defend the lady- like look, for example, just to reject it (both politically and aesthetically) a few seasons later. In a similar way, particular groups with cer- tain sociological convictions seem to feel the need to adapt their style. How much more paper needs to be wasted for writing about eth- ical fashion labels not being about “hippies and hemp” anymore? Environmental ethics are de rigeur now and going green now does not mean it cannot be done in one of Ralph Lauren’s cov- etable forest green knits. This was my thought when I stumbled across a small-scale peaceful protest outside Sainsbury’s a few days ago. Expecting to be greeted with a rant and that ubiquitous barefoot bearded guy, I was pleas- antly surprised to see how chic these new gen- eration “tree huggers” were, sauntering about in balloon skirts, tunic dresses, chunky knits and skinny jeans. Their queen bee was wearing Right: a voluminous mini over black tights (one of the Black and shapes and lengths of the season). Although gold party certain elements of the scene had been seen dress £40, before (the DIY new wave paper aeroplane Bracelet £8, costumes, for instance), it seemed appropriate both Miss that this new play on proportions should be Selfridge. adopted by the environmentally-minded bunch. To avoid After all, the silhouette has no real sociological being a Pussy precedent and is up for grabs. As environmen- Galore, show- tal issues become a greater concern to the priv- case only ileged classes, high fashion will pander to them your best fea- with a new uniform to suit their activities. The ture, be it cosmetics industry has already fallen for this décolletage, trend (the organic Dr. Hauschka’s rose cream is cleavage, much more effective than many of its chemical- back or leg. ly-fuelled beauty world competitors). In envi- Look for sim- ronmentally friendly terms, the fashion con- ple yet well- sumer should realise that buying from cheap cut dresses in bold, block and cheerful outfitters like Primark is an enor- colours and mous strain on the environment (importing the glitz up with clothes from the Far East and all the harmful costume jew- chemicals used in production aren’t really ellery and worth the savings). There are copious amounts highly sculpt- of clothes out there and charity-shop style is ed hair. Don’t the one Mother Earth favours. However, there hold back are true visionaries in the fashion world that with dramatic deserve a chance to express their talent in make-up but exchange for patronage. One must buy less and remember the spend more to make sure that the real design golden rule: industry remains an incubator for new ideas either hot lips and creativity continues to blossom alongside or for your those charity shop bargains. eyes only. last opportunity limitless possibilities [24th November 2006]

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Think you could be part of the Varsity team? Varsity are opening applications for section editors, photographers, production managers and the online team.

Email: [email protected]

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U T 38 varsity.co.uk/sport | 10.11.06

Sports editor: Bobby Friedman Sportsdesk Tel: 01223 353 422 Email: [email protected] Brilliant Blues overcome Harlequins

TOM MARRIOTT

Cambridge 19 Harlequins ‘A’ 13

With top Premiership opposition such as Wasps, Leicester and Northampton now a regular feature in the Blues’ pre-Christmas fixtures, it is almost assumed that these matches will very rarely result in a win. Consequently, Cambridge’s 19- 13 victory over Harlequins ‘A’ is cer- tainly something to get excited about. There were some superb indi- vidual efforts, but more importantly this was a strong and mature team performance that bodes extremely well for the Varsity Match. A heavy, freezing fog hung over Grange Road as Harlequins kicked to the Blues to start the game. For the first fifteen minutes the teams nerv- ously played around each other, warming up to the cold conditions. This Harlequins’ XV, whilst clearly a step down in quality from last week’s Wasps side, was still strong and tal- ented, but it was Cambridge who drew first blood. Having won a penalty in the 18th minute, just inside Quins’ half, Cambridge chose to kick for goal. The gamble paid off and Ufton kicked a fine penalty to take the Blues three points ahead. Harlequins rallied well and through some strong scrummaging pushed hard into the Cambridge half. The Blues outplayed Harlequins with this season’s first victory over Premiership opposition boding well for Varsity SOPHIE PICKFORD They spread the ball out wide, creat- ing a two-on-one overlap in the far In the 35th minute Cambridge good turnover ball saw the Blues help of the forwards, battled his way adrift and, despite continually knock- corner, which they exploited well in were awarded another kickable push back into Quins’ half. Failure to to the line, just to the left of the ing on the door for the rest of the sending Quins’ Luke Sherriff over penalty that Ufton duly slotted over. release the ball on the ground cost posts. Ufton converted. half, the Blues succeeded in keeping for the try. An abysmal conversion In the final phase before the half time the Quins another kickable penalty With a lead of more than a convert- them out. sailed far wide, leaving Cambridge break, the Quins’ ten sent a long miss just inside the ten metre line, and ed try the Blues seemed happy to sit This was a strong, rounded per- chasing by only two points. out wide which put the outside cen- Ufton kicked well once more. back and defend their lines. formance, and a deserved win. The It took only three minutes for tre away up the wing for what should Almost immediately after the Harlequins attacked ferociously and forwards played well, with Blaikie Cambridge to fight back. The Blues have been a simple two on one. restart, Harlequins won a penalty enjoyed about twenty minutes sus- leading from the front. But it was gained a penalty on the right-hand However, the Quin’s winger mist- inside the Blues’ twenty two which tained pressure in the Blues’ twenty disconcerting to see the effect that touch line. Kicking impressively, imed his run and was bundled into they put over to bring them back to two. But handling errors, mistimed the substitution of Schwikkard made Ufton put the ball between the touch by David Tibbot. within a try of the lead. The Blues passes at crucial moments and a to the front row’s strength in the last uprights, taking the score to 6-5. The second half started with seemed galvanised by this and a neat strong Cambridge defence kept quarter of the match. The backs Quins again came back strongly, hit- Harlequins launching a good attack series of moves led to an attacking them out for the majority of the half. were strong, if perhaps failing to cre- ting the centres with crash balls, but which led to ten minutes of sustained scrum on the opposition five metres. It was only in the thirtieth minute, ate many real chances out wide. But the Blues’ backs met the assault well. pressure. The Blues bore this pres- A solid drive from the front row pro- following a well-worked lineout, that these are minor faults and this result Joe Ansbro had an exceptional game, sure well, the back row disrupting vided a strong platform for Ross Harlequins eventually converted should be regarded as a real success particularly in defence, appearing play around the fringes to slow down Blake to spread the ball out wide to this pressure into points, scoring a for Cambridge. It also provides a out of nowhere to make cover tackles the Quins’ half backs and force Thomas Steffan, who punched a hole try in the corner. Failure to convert signficant fillip in the all-important that seemed long missed. errors. A strong attack following a through the defence and, with the ensured they remained six points run up to Varsity on December 12th. The Varsity Vase BUSA victory for Fives I am not the foot- draw has thrown up some exciting come by this season. Caius III could With such strength in the top three JAMES RANGER balling superstar ties. I’ll be watching the teams play in also be in contention, if only because pairs it seems that Cambridge are that I wanted to their respective leagues and give you the team can’t be that bad if they odds-on favourites to beat Oxford for be. I’m too short, the inside info on the favourites over have a Caius IV side. Cambridge’s first pair of Aly Patel and the second year running when the more than a little over- the next few weeks. Back in the top half of the draw, the Alick Varma triumphed in the British sides face-off in Varsity. weight, and I have so little stamina In the top half of the draw and favourites must be ARU III who Universities’ Eton Fives Varma and Patel made quick work that an asthmatic penguin would reg- already through to the last eight by beat Fitz III in the final last year. Championships, held at Highgate of their semi-final, beating Warwick in ularly beat me in the bleep test. virtue of the only bye of the round, They are in Division 5 and although School last Saturday, to cap a wholly straight sets, to set up a final clash Needless to say, I never played at the Girton III would traditionally have Fitz are in Division 4, they forgot to successful tournament for Cambridge. with Oxford I, who had beaten Gill highest level for my college. But I been considered a potential winner in enter this year along with John’s III, The Light Blues entered six pairs in and O’ Callaghan in the other semi- was a Jesus Thirds player through years gone by. However they lost 13 - making life easier for the rest of the the event; the highest number from final. and through. 3 to the Trinity Bruces, which is so teams. Catz III are still in the run- any university. Varma and Patel But Oxford were no match for the Consequently you can imagine my embarrassing that I was personally ning though and they’ve had a perfect swept all before them in the qualifying Light Blue pair, and Varma and Patel horror when I discovered that the surprised that the team didn’t spon- start to Division 5. Fortunately for rounds, winning all three matches, won a tight final 12-9 12-9 to claim the Vase, the cup competition for the col- taneously disband. the rest though, Catz must play ARU and were joined in the semi-finals by trophy for Cambridge. Their victory lege third teams, might not be able to Homerton III should beat Trinity in the semis, giving all other teams a Cambridge’s second pair Nick Gill and was the first time in four seasons of run this year as there was no secre- in round 1 though and will (hopefully) glimmer of hope that they may yet James O’ Callaghan, who were also competition that Oxford’s formidable tary to oversee it. I had to intervene. be joined in the last eight by my get to play in a cup final with a real, undefeated in the group stages. club captain, and national champion, No Vase? Surely not! beloved Jesus, who play Downing. trained referee. A promising result in light of this Peter Dunbar had lost in a fixture So I put my hat into the ring for the Both teams are in Division 6, but And so the scene is set. Next week year’s Varsity match, where three between the two clubs. job, promising lower league coverage Jesus have already beaten them once I shall talk you through Divisions 5 pairs from Oxford and Cambridge With such good performances from in Varsity as a sweetener, and here I this season and I have faith they’ll do and 6, giving you the inside scoop on compete in a best-of-three rubbers all six Cambridge pairs, and particu- am telling you that the draw has now it again. Churchill also look handy in the favourites for the Varsity Vase. format, was the victory in the group larly from Varma and Patel, the out- been made for the new “Varsity Vase”. the bottom half of the draw as they And remember to send any insider stages by Cambridge third pair Bobby look looks very bright for the Fives The competition won’t kick off until face up against a rubbish Queen’s gossip to me! Friedman and club captain Paul Club this season and the Varsity the last weekend of term, but the side, who are finding points hard to Email: [email protected] Jefferys over Oxford’s second pair. match on February 25th next year.

varsity.co.uk/sport | 10.11.06 39

Tel: 01223 353 422 Sportsdesk Email: [email protected] Rowers compete in University IVs »Emmanuel dominates the 2nd IVs but loses to Kings and Trinity in the 1st IV finals

ANDY WELLUM-KENT

This year’s University IVs competi- tion proved to be a tightly-fought contest, with crews from most col- leges taking part. The races consisted of an 1100m side-by-side knockout regatta for ladies, a 2200m tail-chase for coxed men and a 2700m tail-chase for men’s coxless IVs. After five days of racing, King’s men and Trinity women won the first boat races; Emmanuel won both second IV cate- gories; and Jesus and Downing shared the spoils in the coxless IVs. The crews were forced to row in wet and windy conditions, and the coxless IVs in particular suffered from a series of blustery days, making steering almost impossible and the bank an inviting proposition, especial- ly around Grassy Corner. Emmanuel 1st men power past Jesus in their quarter-final. All four Emmanuel teams made it into their category finals PETE TWITCHETT Over the week, a number of close contests took place, and as the crews IVs, and First and Third, the older noon was the coxless IVs, where a Emmanuel then locked horns with to the final had looked assured for were whittled down to the finalists in and more experienced crew, were dead-heat was declared between Christ’s in the men’s Second IVs final. both boats and in a close, hard-fought the 5 divisions, Jesus had two able to pull ahead and finish a tight Jesus and Downing. The offer of a re- Despite Christ’s taking an early lead, race, King’s pipped Emma to the post. entrants, Downing, King’s’ First and race only half a length up. Emmanuel race was made, but a combination of Emmanuel’s steady rhythm and A number of clubs have already set Third and Christ’s had one apiece, and won the women’s second IV, over- sheer exhaustion and the prospect of power took them to the finish line 11 down a strong marker. When Caius Emmanuel had four - one in every whelming Jesus in a fast race that probable frostbite put both crews off, seconds earlier. The final race of the race for the first time this term at the division they had entered. highlighted the two clubs’ strength in and so the winners’ medals were day pitted Emmanuel’s 1st IV against Fairbairn Cup, the competition in col- The first final was the women’s first depth. The closest race of the after- shared between the two teams. a very good King’s 1st IV. Progression lege rowing will hot up even more.

Joe Powell Strictly come dancing: Football Cuppers & Oscar Gamblers Brodkin Unanimous

At 4pm last Saturday it felt like the 1.4 (2/5) price for an away win was RFU that he should keep his job. world was coming to an end, with poor value. Premiership teams, no Despite England’s poor form and Desert Quest finishing second and matter how successful, have a ten- Argentina’s growing stature in the Man Utd running away with it at dency to slip up away from home in game, we think the world champions Old Trafford. But Mayweather came cup competitions against lower will still be far too strong, and take to the rescue with a points win over teams. Conversely, several days ago them to be winning at half time and Baldomir, so we finish our first week the Democrats looked a very gener- full time on Saturday. We advise a £4.50 down, the trusty ous 3/1 to take the Senate. With the £15 bet at around 1.6 (c.8/13). ‘Bank Job’ doing the spectre of the botched Iraq war, sev- Our “Long Shot” is Pakistan vs business when the eral sex scandals, and record-low West Indies cricket on Saturday. chips were down. approval ratings for George Bush, The draw is massively overpriced “The urge to gamble their price should have been much and Brian Lara's team should be full is so universal and its lower, hence representing what we of confidence following their practice is so pleasura- call “value”. Champions’ Trophy performance. ble, that I assume it Gambling is The omission of Akhtar and Asif will must be evil.” We don't meant to be fun. also help and the “Windies” could need the advice of the Bookmakers offer spring a surprise. Have £2 at 6.4 famous journalist a wide range of (11/2) for a nice little earner. Heywood Broun to services, which For the “Porters’ Tip”, we’ve understand the pitfalls of we can use to heard you should gamble on Vodka gambling. With most increase the Bleu for the Paddy Power Gold Cup pleasures come pain and it enjoyment of at Cheltenham on Saturday. Martin is our responsibility to events. We can Pipe has dominated this race in instruct you in the dangers do this in many recent years and his son, David, who inherent in “speculating to ways, ranging from took over the licence recently, is accumulate”. There are cer- accumulators, where tiny stakes determined to follow in his father's tain guidelines you must follow on may yield huge rewards, to betting illustrious footsteps. £3 should pay that glorious path to riches: on our favourite team so that we £15 at odds of around 5/1. Never gamble more than you can double the pleasure when victorious. afford to lose. Remember that while Be a student of the game. As Running total: -£4.50 winnings are infinite, losses are “scholars” you will know that to finite. The bookies make their achieve great results, a certain input The Bank Job money through misguided punters of work is needed. Gambling is no England vs Argentina. trying to rectify a situation by gam- different. The internet is a vital England win at half and full time. bling even more heavily, known as source for those wishing to make a Stake: £15 “chasing your losses”. For every profit, giving us up-to-date informa- gambler who now owns a condo in St tion from across the globe. The The Long Shot Lucia bought off the back of a mas- Racing Post is also a very useful Pakistan vs West Indies. sive winning streak, there are tool for all kinds of betting, not just West Indies to win. dozens more in the gutter. for the gee-gees. Stake: £2 A winner's a winner. We need to The “Bank Job” came in last week obtain value in our bets, but losing and this time we head to The Porters’ Tip punts do not pay the bills. You can’t Twickenham for the international Vodka Bleu in the Gold Cup. eat value. Simple as! between England and Argentina. Stake: £3 SOPHIE PICKFORD However, Value increases prof- Andy Robinson is under extreme itability. When Man Utd travelled pressure and needs a big perform- Churchill beat Jesus 6-5 on penalties in football cuppers. to Southend in the Carling Cup, the ance to convince the bigwigs in the

SPORT | 10.11.06 Rugby Rowing varsity.co.uk/sport Blues on form University IVs [email protected] page 38 page 39

CAPTAIN’S CORNER John’s unbeaten record broken Skiing »Jesus tops the hockey league after humbling last year’s champions ALEX TINDALE

St. John’s 1 Jesus 4

St John’s two and a half year unbeaten run in the league was brought to an end on Wednesday, when Jesus humbled them 4-1 at the St Catz hockey pitch, continuing their fine start to the season. Three goals LOMAX WARD inside the first 25 minutes gave Jesus an unassailable lead, despite a spirited How long have you been racing? fight back from last season’s league I only took up racing when I arrived and cuppers champions. here in Cambridge. I had previous- St John’s had a formidable league ly skied a lot but had never done record – 24 games won in succession, anything competitive. The system harking back to 2003, but Jesus had here is good for those who want to been in fine recent form, demolishing Clare 13-0 last week, and boasting the take up racing. enviable goal ratio of 47 scored to just How often do you train? 1 conceded. While John’s have come We go dry slope training once a close to losing in the league before, week. The bulk of our snow training with Catz and Emma pushing them takes place during the first week of close last season, it was the manner of the Varsity Ski Trip, building up to defeat that was particularly telling. the Varsity Championships during Gone are the days when John’s could the main week. expect to easily claim the title. And How good is the team? with Emma and Catz also weaker this We should be quite strong. Notable season, Jesus’s resurgence this year performers are Nick Bond, who has has seen them surge ahead as the new skied for the Great Britain youth force in college hockey. squad and Evan Scouros, a Greek Even so, John’s could claim the bet- John’s lack of firepower up front cost them both the match and their unbeaten record MATT DOUGHTY international racer. We also have a ter start to the match, holding almost solid dry slope team and will be in all the possession for 10 minutes. But, Jesus moved 3-0 up after 25 minutes Buoyed by this goal, John’s started that they, more than most other Edinburgh this weekend for the in a pattern that was to permeate the with their first penalty corner. Ed the second half again in control, win- teams, are affected by the rule barring Uni Dry Slope Championships. match, the Johnians failed to pene- Bush, who tormented his marker all ning more short corners and forcing Blues players from league matches. What’s the greatest moment in trate the Jesus defence and create any afternoon, found space behind the St several good saves from Jesus goal- By contrast, Jesus controversially your skiing career? real opportunities on goal. John’s defence and played the ball keeper Eliot Furminger, with the fielded James Waters, who plays for After the opening minutes, the onto a foot in the D, winning the short. lively Jack Yelland coming particular- another club in the same league as the Winning Varsity in my first year, by game, and the unbeaten record, began A Dave Madden drag-flick later, and ly close. But, as in the first period, the Cambridge Blues, but is allowed to a record margin. Being out on the to slip away from St. John’s. Following Jesus were 3 goals to the good. St John’s players were made to suffer compete at College level. One former Trip with so many Cambridge stu- some solid build-up play, Jesus’ Dave Stung by going behind so easily, St from their profligacy in front of goal. Blue, who plays for John’s, commented dents also meant that celebrating Madden slipped his trademark feinted John’s increased their tempo, and for With 10 minutes remaining, another that, “we [John’s] would have won if was extra special. A Super G has pass into the D, where league top- the last 10 minutes of the half were by attack from Jesus’ Ed Bush down the Jesus didn’t have Waters.” been added to the races this year scorer Nick Wong deflected past far the better side. They were reward- right flank won a short corner. This But this controversy did not over- for some extra excitement. Andrew Wheatly-Hubbard to make ed for their persistence with several resulted in a goal-line melee, from shadow a superb win for Jesus. After How do you try out for the team? the score 1-0. Worse was to come for short corners, and, in the last play of which Nick Wong gleefully swept the three seasons of Johnian league domi- The Time Trials for the team selec- John’s, as within minutes Ian Cawrse the half, captain Fergus Morrison put ball into the net, for his second and nation, the era has ended and Jesus tion take place during the main fired in a low shot from the edge of the away a drag-flick, to leave the match Jesus’s fourth. seems certain to become the new pow- week of the Varsity Ski Trip and area to double the lead. poised 3-1 at the half-time whistle. One reason for John’s weakness is erhouse in the college hockey league. they are open to anyone. We have a number of teams so we are open to lots of people. Check out the The details of this year’s ski trip at Week In www.varsitytrip.co.uk. Weather FRI SAT SUN MON TUE WED THUR

Re-arrange the letters by rotating the Hitori Sudoku Kakuro discs to create six separate six-letter Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more than once The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never words leading in to the centre. Email vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must form a single 1 through 9 exactly once. use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur continuous area. in the same row in a separate run). your answer to: [email protected]

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