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CUSU in crisis Emotional Exec split over future of Union

The CUSU Executive’s Sabbatical Officers: Vicki Mann, Zen Jelenje and Michelle Nuttall (left), angry at proposals made by Laura Walsh, Jennifer Cooper and Drew Livingston (right) have come about. posed by the Development responsibility lies with the “given that I work in the same n’t be an issue, and consulta- Rachel Divall The dissatisfaction centres and Planning Committee 18,000 students I represent, building as the two proposers tion would have taken place.” Bavishi on two motions. The first (DPC), a sub-committee of rather than with the Exec.” of this motion, I find it aston- The restructuring motion & Raj resolves to hold a referendum, CUSU chaired by Academic Walsh and Cooper argue ishing that I was not at any brought by DPC would be the posing the question of Affairs Officer Drew that the existence of a stage consulted, and was only first step towards significant whether the position of Livingston. Women’s Sabbatical Officer informed of the proposal reforms of the Executive. It THE CUSU EXECUTIVE has Women’s Officer should Both motions have been gives the impression that the shortly before the Council proposes to remove the major- been split in two over an remain a sabbatical one. The met with anger. At last night’s Women’s Union is more agenda was distributed.” ity of its voting members and apparent lack of consultation authors of the motion, CUSU highly-charged Exec meeting, important than the other Walsh justified the lack of replace them with Chairs of for plans to radically change President Laura Walsh and Vicki Mann, Welfare and Autonomous Campaigns communication, claiming “I new Standing Committees. the Student Union’s structure Services Officer Jennifer Graduates Officer, issued a (CUSU LBGT, CUSU genuinely didn’t know Walsh commented that at and funding. Cooper, believe CUSU’s warning to Walsh, threatening International, and the Black whether I would submit this present the Exec was too large Motions being brought to resources are currently “if it comes down to a motion Students’ Campaign). motion until the last minute, and its “unwieldiness” ren- next week’s CUSU Council focused disproportionately on of no confidence, then I’m Walsh added “this idea has but did so to ensure that the dered it ineffectual, “especially meeting propose a far-reach- the Women’s Union. happy to write it.” been floating around for ages question could be voted on at seeing as it is in fact Council ing reform of the Exec’s struc- The second motion resolves But Walsh told Varsity “it is and I genuinely believe that the time of the upcoming that is the policy-maker”. ture. Half of the Exec, howev- to hold another referendum, inevitable that the proposals it’s about time the entire stu- CUSU elections, allowing the There are just six members er, have made clear dissatisfac- which could reduce the exec- might be very unpopular with dent body had their say.” In change to take effect from on the DPC committee, and tion over both their content utive’s voting membership some Executive members at response, Michelle Nuttall, next year”. She conceded that Varsity has learnt that the and the process by which they from 25 to just 8. It was pro- this stage, but I feel my CUSU Women’s Officer, said “in an ideal world time would- >>continued on page 2

No. 631, 27th January, 2006 Special Report Features Tony Benn >> The Cambridgeshire Young Some students don’t wear The veteran campaigner talks about his growing pains People’s Service is under shoes. We follow in their foot- threat, despite public protest. steps to find out what it feels Varsity investigates the like. We especially like the Michael Haneke >> provision of mental health “dimpled” pink tiles that the Profiling the enfant terrible of French cinema care for students, and the government kindly puts at the possible consequences of edges of pedestrian crossings. NHS cutbacks. Groovy. Colin Montgomerie >> >>page 5 >>page 7 Gossiping on the golfing green 2 Varsity News 27.01.06

Homes for staff As house prices in the areas CUSU continued

rise, both Oxford and JAMIE Cambridge Universities are >>continued from front page there would be little reason for motion was submitted to any college to disaffiliate, thus

looking into reviving MARLAND employer-sponsored home Council for consideration ending the one meaningful tool building. Cambridge is plan- despite only three members at the College Union’s disposal ning to build 2500 homes in being in favour. The committee to put real pressure on CUSU. the north west of the city, of only keep handwritten min- An emergency Exec meeting which 1000 will be available utes, which are not circulated to has been called for January 30, exclusively to University members of the CUSU Exec. where the Chair, Rob Jeffreys, staff and postgraduate stu- Although positions are elected, will announce whether the pro- dents. The development they are rarely contested. This posed motions conflict with plan will include “necessary has led to fears that a worrying- current the CUSU and social amenities” including a ly small number of individuals Autonomous Campaigns’ con- school. Oxford’s plans are are able to propose the new stitutions. rather more modest, with direction for CUSU’s future. In All three proposals for change the university aiming to the light of allegations that the have been met by a uniform build 200 homes in the proposed changes are contrary criticism: a lack of consultation nearby village of to provisions in the constitu- by would-be reformers. Walsh Wolvercote. tions of both CUSU and the var- resolutely said, “people are ious Autonomous Campaigns, upset with me, but the need to DPC will reconsider their pro- get these questions asked out- Cancer drug posals at an emergency meeting weighs that consideration. This breakthrough on January 30. method was necessary in order Should the referendum be to secure actual change.” Cambridge based company The fraught CUSU Executive meeting, which took place last night Cellcentric are working with accepted, it will reduce the rep- The resulting stand-off is seri- Cancer Research resentation of minority interest A further cause of upset the massive financial and politi- fee. The situation is complicated ous, Mann admitted. “We have Technology, the commercial groups on the Exec. Under the stems from a bid by Walsh, cal implications the changes by the fact there seem to be no a situation now were the sabbs branch of Cancer Research proposed changes, a new stand- Cooper and Livingston to com- would have on College JCRs concrete rules requiring the are not talking to each other. UK, to develop a novel ing committee would be creat- pletely restructure the way indi- and MCRs, the authors of the University to distribute funds to We have three sabbs on one approach to combating can- ed, which would consist of the vidual College Unions pay for document should have consult- CUSU. side and three sabbs on the cer through so-called ‘epige- Officers representing specific affiliation to CUSU. At a meet- ed both the CUSU Exec and The aim of the paper on other. Its not very productive netic’ drugs. Epigenetic minority groups. Only the Chair ing of the Standing Advisory CUSU Council”. funding is to ensure CUSU’s for our union.” mechanisms determine of this committee would be Committee on Student Matters Rachel Price, Trinity Hall JCR financial security. Under the >> Editorial, page 13 which genes a particular cell given a vote on the CUSU Exec. held on December 6, the three President, told Varsity she was current situation there is a risk expresses via the actions of Shreyas Mukund, Black tabled a paper requesting CUSU “very unhappy with the sub- that CUSU could be expected to proteins and small mole- Students Officer, objects to the be centrally funded. Although stance of the proposal. Even maintain the present level of The Proposals cules. The drugs are anti- proposals for two reasons. presented in CUSU’s name, no more fundamentally though, services, but on a much lower bodies against the proteins Speaking to Varsity, he said “the other Sabbatical Officers, no there should have been much budget. Central funding would • CUSU WOMEN'S OFFICER involved in epigenetic lack of consultation on these members of the Exec and no wider consultation and the fact avoid this problem, but it would mechanisms, which are motions shows that even when Council members were that it has not and is not going render disaffiliation by College - Sabbatical position scrapped in often expressed in tumour Officers representing minority informed or consulted in the through Council is unaccept- Unions largely meaningless. favour of a part-time Officer students are on the exec, drafting of the proposal. able.” On their decision to act Walsh, Cooper and - Funds re-allocated to employ a cells. If successful, number of staff to support all researchers claim the devel- they're being excluded. When What has angered members without consultation on this Livingston’s request has precipi- the Autonomous Campaigns opment will prove invalu- they're on a sub-committee, I of the CUSU Exec and College matter, Walsh said, “we didn’t tated strong responses from able in the fight against can- can't imagine how much more Union Presidents most is that think the University would many JCR Presidents, who are • CUSU EXEC cer. severe the problem will be. On a Walsh, Cooper and Livingston accept our proposals and so did- angered that CUSU would be - Remove all part-time and co- more fundamental level, the acted unilaterally. Last night n’t bother consulting. Had they placing them in a position opted officers, Faculty Forum Rep, Graduate Union Officers representing minorities Nuttall alleged Cooper had told passed our request for central where it is not worth disaffiliat- President, and all Autonomous The sky’s the limit have a vote on the Executive the other Sabbatical Officers funding, we would have been ing. A spokesperson from King’s Campaign Representatives A Cambridge Professor has specifically because those that the contents of the paper acting outside of our remit.” College Student Union told - Make Chairs of the Standing assisted a project to build minorities could otherwise be discussing the funding restruc- Under the current system Varsity, “CUSU will effectively Committees voting members of the Exec the world’s first flying left under-represented. Taking ture was confidential and there- College Unions receive their be forcing College Unions to - Overall reduction from 25 vot- saucer. Engineering away their votes would be fore not to be made public. funding indirectly from the remain affiliated. They should- ing members to 8 Professor Helgor Babinsky detrimental to the representa- But under the Freedom of University and then pay a fee n’t be doing that.” Given that assessed and confirmed tion of those groups.” Walsh Information Act, Varsity gained per student for affiliation to disaffiliation would result in a • CUSU FUNDING plans by Geoff Hatton, said she was considering bring- a copy of the paper. Nuttall told CUSU. When a College Union loss of all political representa- - Funded centrally not through an affiliation fee founder and owner of GTS ing an amendment to this Varsity, “even if the contents of disaffiliates, it appears its stu- tion on CUSU Council, - CUSU to be funded regardless Projects, Peterborough, who motion to ensure that represen- the meeting were confidential, dents are still entitled to all University and Intercollegiate of affiliation status of College has been developing the tation of minority groups we should not have been told CUSU services - despite the fact Committees and would not Union - Disaffiliated College Unions to device for five years. The wouldn’t be cut so drastically. that the paper itself was. Due to the college no longer pays any bring any additional funding, be entitled to all CUSU services device makes use of the Coanda Effect, where a fluid is attracted towards and iLecture Hamster hate mail Student rape case goes to court flows along a curved sur- Stanford University has collaborated with iPod to make lectures Hate mail has been sent to one A drunken student out celebrating her exam results was raped by a face. According to The Sun, available via iTunes software. The “Stanford on iTunes” programme of the Cambridge students who stranger she believed was a “good samaritan,” Cambridge Crown Professor Habinsky has began its trial in October 2005, and has proved such a success that posted a live hamster. James Court was told. Mohammed Idris, of Cherry Hinton Road, allegedly recently been in talks with the University plan on making it one of their main learning Cole received a threatening attacked the 21-year-old in the early hours of February 16 in a American military officials. resources. The lectures are free for both members of Stanford and message on a postcard Cambridge alleyway after first offering to find her a taxi home. The the public, and they come complete with notes and slides. addressed to his parents’ home. woman described to the jury how the man approached her after she iPod software was first used on a mass scale by Duke University, Cole was fined last week at Ely lost sight of her friends leaving the Fez club. Instead of putting her Computer dangers who gave 1600 new students free iPods containing orientation Magistrate Court with fellow in a cab, he led her to a passageway in Market Street, allegedly Cambridge Professor Jon material in 2004. Duke plan on fully incorporating iPod software Churchill student David pulling off her trousers and underwear and raping her. “I was so Crowcroft has this week high- into their learning resources within the next year. Other Jordan. frightened. I was helpless. I couldn’t do anything. I was too scared to lighted the risks involved in Universities, including Brown, Washington and Coventry in the An animal lover is suspected shout out,” she said. Idris denies rape and claims sex was with her the use of voice-over internet United Kingdom are working on similar projects. to be behind the threat. consent. The case continues. services such as Skype. He is concerned that computers which are infected with a virus could be controlled Against the National Student Survey through messages sent across >page 16 the voice traffic. Criminals Drew Livingston, CUSU Academic Affairs Officer, on why we should opt out using a network of controlled In 2004 as the Higher Education The methods Ipsos use to col- do we do about that? How do we took notice. Our campaign was Geoff computers, known as “bot- Act was passing through parlia- lect data are intrusive. HEFCE know if it’s just one lecturer, featured in the THES, the nets,” could launch attacks on ment, the student movement require the University to release teaching at the time the survey is Guardian and the Telegraph, and I Travis websites, yet be untraceable. won a decisive battle, fought for your term address, home address, filled in, or if it’s a big, ongoing even had the pleasure of being over a decade. The government term e-mail, home e-mail, term problem? How do we know if it’s called “unhelpful” by the Higher Trading on the agreed to survey all finalists in phone number, home phone about seminars or supervisions? Education Minister. England to inform potential number and your mobile. They The NSS is ‘national’ in that The boycott by Oxford, image applicants what students felt then try contacting you by every every institution in England and Cambridge and Warwick was Listen about their courses, and to pro- means possible. Wales is obliged to take part. national news in the sector, and vide comparative information The survey itself is horren- Scottish institutions currently do the issues are hopefully being between institutions and courses. dously oversimplified. Where do not, which is another concern. taken on board. If they aren’t, You can hear Though 2004 was not a year you rate, on a scale of 1-5, how The NSS also asks us to rate next year we’ll see a lot more Varsity on the replete with victories, this was good your teachers are at our findings, but take no account than just us three boycotting the radio, on one we were proud of. Then we explaining things? Rate, on a of our expectations or relative survey. saw HEFCE’s plans. scale of 1-5. how you’ve been importance. Someone who These are just some of the rea- Mondays at CUSU advised its members to able to contact staff when you’ve expects first class libraries when sons why our advice is to opt out 7pm opt out of the NSS last year for a needed to. The NSS provides no applying, then finds them lack- now. The NSS seems to have number of reasons. Now, with useful data and is simply not ing, is likely to rate them lower almost no redeeming features, CUR 1350 Ipsos-MORI changing nothing detailed enough. than someone who expects very and I’d be very proud to see but their posters, we urge mem- Suppose it turned out Law had little and finds facilities adequate. Cambridge not feature for the bers to opt out again. a bad rating for its teaching. What This summer the HE world second year running. our policy

VARSITY IS DEDICATED TO BRINGING YOU THE The MOST RELEVANT AND INTRIGUING NEWS AS AND WHEN IT HAPPENS. Week In THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN OUR CONTENT ARE THOSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL CONTRIBU- Weather FRI SAT SUN MON TUE WED THUR TORS, AND NOT NECESSARILY OF VARSITY PUBLICATIONS LIMITED. 27.01.06 News Varsity 3 Chemical parcel sparks Trinity panic • Mailed package spills corrosive white powder, hospitalising porter • Illegal substance inside destined for student: one suspect in custody E JONES BEN taken to Addenbrookes’, but I’m not overly concerned”. Jamie Munk was back at work later the The incident raises ques- same afternoon. tions about the welfare of CAMBRIDGESHIRE Fire and A Cambridgeshire police porters handling suspect pack- Rescue were called to Trinity spokesperson confirmed that ages. College on Wednesday follow- the incident “is being treated Although satisfied that the it ing the discovery of a suspect as a criminal investigation”. had been dealt with appropri- package in the morning post. Although initial speculation ately, TCSU President Sharon The Porters’ Lodge raised pointed to animal rights Wilkins said “we’re talking the alarm when the package, extremists as possibly having about what they need to do to destined for a Trinity student, motivation to send a danger- make sure this doesn’t happen leaked a corrosive white pow- ous substance to a member of again. I’m not sure there’s any der onto a porter’s hands. the college, these suspicions other way of delivering post, On arrival, police and fire have not been substantiated. though.” Referring to crews sealed off Trinity Street. Police analysis has con- Saunders, she added, “He’s Police and Community firmed that the powder was an alright - that’s the main Support Officers kept specta- illegal drug, but when ques- thing”. tors back while the substance tioned by Varsity, Inspector Trinity Junior Bursar Paul was removed from the college. Paul Bennett declined to Simm, responsible for the One officer told pedestrians divulge its name. He did con- logistics of handling the col- that there was a “suspicious firm, however, that “one per- lege’s post, said “My first reac- package,” but assured that son is in custody” in connec- tion is that we need disposable there was “nothing to worry tion with the incident. rubber gloves in case there is about”. Trinity authorities are stay- any suspect package in However, shocked passers- ing silent on the issue, the future”. by looked on as members of University Press Office telling Porters at nearby colleges the Hazardous Materials Unit, Varsity “Trinity haven’t told us offered sympathy but were wearing breathing apparatus anything about it”. Senior also realistic. Russell Holmes, and yellow chemical suits, Tutor Dr Douglas Kennedy Caius’ Head Porter, said “I’d moved the material through refused to divulge the name of take appropriate steps if some- the Great Gate in a large yel- the package’s intended recipi- thing like that was delivered” low drum. ent, and when asked why such but added, “we’re not unduly Station Officer Gary a substance might have been worried about this sort of Mitchley, in charge of the delivered, said “I’m not pre- thing”. operation, told Varsity “The pared to speculate”. One of his post porters, substance will be disposed of Many Trinity students however, admitted “I’d be by a contractor. An investiga- seemed unfazed by the morn- worried if I got one.” Dave tion is in progress as to what ing’s events. One first year Gibbs, a Clare porter said “We the substance was and why it musician commented ”nobody don’t know what we’re han- has been delivered.” seems that concerned,” adding dling. We have to trust the Porter Paul Saunders was “you’ll find lots of people who people sending post.” treated on the scene for a don’t even know it happened”. Trinity porters declined to minor skin irritation caused by Another told Varsity “So long comment on the incident. The the substance. He was quickly as it wasn’t destined for me, investigation continues. Trinity Great Gate: dressed in a chemical suit, a firefighter carries the package out of the college CUP to publish article by Cam Profs top Rich List

Rachel been “said moat”. KuDos Pharmaceuticals Ltd to “homophobic” academic Divall However Prof Sir Tom develop this area further. He Blundell, who founded Astrex, told Varsity that his most lavish IT WAS REVEALED this week a company valued at £150 mil- purchase had been a “top-of- American Psychological Rejecting random sampling of that Cambridge has more multi- lion, was less positive about the-line lawnmower”, but that Rebecca Greig Association launched an homosexuals and their chil- millionaire professors than any inclusion in the table. He told he regularly donated to the inquiry into Cameron's dren, Cameron made his con- other university in the UK. Varsity “it’s true we have our charity World Vision, a IN THE SAME WEEK that methodology after receiving clusions by examining the only A survey compiled by the first cancer drug in clinical trials. Christian relief and develop- Cambridge City Council was complaints from its members. material available, confirming Times Higher lists sixteen However, none of the ment organisation. listed among the most gay- The association wrote to him in “All books about adult children Cambridge academics as being founders has yet made any Other Cambridge representa- friendly employers in the UK, it December 1983, saying it had who had homosexual or trans- amongst the wealthiest in the money - drugs take a long time tives included Prof Chris Abell has been revealed that decided to “drop [him] from sexual parents that could be country, outstripping Oxford’s to come to the market. It will be (Astrex Technology), Prof Sir Cambridge University Press is to membership” because he had purchased on amazon.com in ten and Imperial’s six. a few years and a lot of luck Alan Fersht (Cambridge print an article by a “far-right, April 2004 were examined. A The academic “rich list” before we make any money.” Antibody Technology), anti-gay” researcher in its tally of sexual preferences were shows which British professors Prof Sir Richard Friend is a Hermann Hauser (Acorn Journal of Biosocial Science made from the three that could have made fortunes through Cavendish Professor at the Computers), Jack Lang (JBS). be purchased.” various inventions, entrepre- Department of Physics. His (Artimi), Prof Stevern Ley Dr Paul Cameron is notorious No genetic correlation is neurial ventures, spin-off com- company, Cambridge Display (Reaxa), Prof Chris Lowe in the US as an anti-gay activist, addressed, but rather Cameron panies and ideas. Those in the Technology, floated for £122 (Smart Holograms), Ken not only opposing gay rights, makes the analogy of how gay list's top ten have all founded million in 2004. The final mem- Murray (Biogen) and Dr Andy but actively lobbying for restric- parents are likely to raise gay companies now worth hun- ber of the top four, Prof Andy Richards (Chiroscience). tions on homosexuals and les- children as religious parents are dreds of millions of pounds. Hopper, is a computer expert The list is dominated by bians. likely to raise religious children. The four richest in Cambridge who is best known for co- Russell Group Institutions, but His scientific research has also When CUSU LGBT rep, Olly are listed as Sir Richard Friend, founding Acorn Computers. there are also notable appear- been important in these efforts. Glover, was made aware of the Prof Sir Tom Blundell, Prof Making it into the top 12 was ances from Dundee, Ulster and In 1982, he co-founded the article, he circulated an email to Andy Hopper and Sir Greg Prof Steve Jackson who is head Bradford. Cambridge has previ- Family Research Institute. This the CUSU executive strongly Winter. Sir Greg, a fellow of of Cancer Research UK Labs ously been nicknamed “Silicon think-tank’s mission is “gener- condemning Cameron’s work Trinity, founded Cambridge and the Frederick James Quick Fen” after the number of aca- ating empirical research on and expressing disbelief about Antibody Technology, which Professor of Biology at the demics who have sidelines in issues that threaten the tradi- its imminent publication. “I made profits of £68 million in University. Academic research lucrative areas of business. tional family, particularly can’t believe an editor would 2005. He told Varsity that his in his laboratory suggested a Top amongst affluent aca- homosexuality, AIDS and drug actually consider printing this”, biggest indulgence was “desilt- new approach to combating demics’ favourite drinks were abuse”. Glover wrote. ing my moat”, and said his most cancer by targeting DNA repair gin and tonic and “a good red Cameron has used the insti- However, in an official state- indulgent purchase to date had enzymes, and he founded wine”. tute to publish reports that ment to Varsity, Glover was homosexuals were more likely more reticent, apparently than heterosexuals to commit unwilling to say too much violent crimes and to abuse not cooperated with the investi- given his lack of expertise in children. gation. this particular area. Cameron refers to gays and None of this has prevented “We were contacted last lesbians and those sympathetic Cameron’s article from being week by an American gay rights to them as “death marketers”, published online on the JBS activist alerting us to it”, said and makes no effort to hide his website. Cameron’s article, Chil- Glover. “CUSU LBGT Exec has views, saying “I am not sure dren of Homosexuals and Transsex- investigated and we are plan- how long they will take to uals More Apt To Be Homosexual ning to write a friendly letter to destroy the US from within, but claims “Common sense holds the Journal’s board expressing sufficiently weakened, the US that homosexuality is conta- some of our concerns.” will probably fall to another gious.” Caroline Gallimore, Associate state before that occurs.” His research methods have Editor of JBS, promised Varsity In the early 1980s the also excited some controversy. that she would investigate. Prof Tom Blundell Prof Richard Friend Prof Steve Jackson 4 Varsity News 27.01.06 On Campus City Archives Tudor Treasure Trove Environment Saved by UL on the Edge also expected to move to the A collection of valuable Tudor Some of the world’s leading Eleanor Gurney same building, which will manuscripts in danger of being environmental scientists are include office accommodation broken up and sold at auction coming to New Hall to contin- CAMBRIDGESHIRE’S price- for staff working in the has been saved by Cambridge ue a series of lectures on how less archives have received archive, arts, museums and University Library. Worth our relationship with the natu- planning permission for a new archaeology services of the almost £1 million, the docu- ral world is shaping our past, home in a former flour mill. County Council. ments include family, house- present and future priorities. Modern protection and In partnership with muse- hold and estate papers from the The series will include lectures preservation facilities will pro- ums, galleries, libraries and fourteenth to seventeenth cen- on agricultural production, cli- vide the Historical Resource schools across turies. After the UL’s campaign mate change and urban regen- and Cultural Centre (HRCC) Cambridgeshire, the HRCC to save the collection, their eration. with high-quality storage for will develop “outreach servic- future is now safe following a the county’s unique archive es for areas of social need and grant of nearly £285,000 by the A Cambridge collections. rural deprivation”. The centre National Heritage Memorial The old Spiller’s flour mill’s is also expected to become a Fund. The manuscripts com- Film First proximity to the railway sta- key component of e-learning prise papers accumulated or Cambridge experienced a film tion will make the 20 million in the county, with links to the collected by various families first this week when a film his- documents easily accessible Cambridgeshire Community Artist’s impression of Cambridge’s future archive store whose main home was the cel- torian opened the annual Slade for anyone in the country Network. This system will ebrated Tudor mansion lecture series. Ian Christie, researching Cambridgeshire, allow other heritage offices County Councillor John access to “Cambridgeshire's Hengrave Hall in Suffolk, built Professor of Film and Media its communities, their heritage and learning institutions to Reynolds, Cabinet Member rich historical and cultural in the 1520s. They include cor- History at Birkbeck College, and lives. remotely access the resources. for Environment and past.” respondence from King Henry London, is surveying ideas The renowned “I am delighted that plan- Community Services. He was The project was proposed by VII, Queen Mary and Sir Philip about film as ‘the art of the Cambridgeshire Collection, ning permission has been pleased that the choice of the Ashwell Property Group. Sidney. future’ from the 19th century currently housed in secured for this exciting and development site would allow They expect construction to to the present under the gener- Cambridge Central Library, is ambitious project,” said many people convenient start in the summer. LBGT al title ‘The Cinema has not yet been invented’. Lectures will Awareness Week be held every Tuesday this term CUSU’s LBGT Awareness Week at 5.00 pm in Mill Lane Lecture kicks off on Saturday 26 with Rooms. The series will be Porter drink-drives the intention of recognising accompanied by a programme and celebrating the diversity of of related screenings at the Arts Nuffield Road in nearby JAMIE MARLAND LBGT identities within the uni- Picturehouse on Wednesdays Jo Trigg Chesterton. He is banned versity and beyond. Various at 1.00 from driving for 28 months events will take place during A SENIOR St John’s College and has subsequently bought the week including speed dat- Colour change porter has been caught drink- a bike. The porter, who has ing and film nights. driving and ordered to do worked at St John’s for nine for King’s Bar community service. years, was ordered to do 50 Holocaust KCSU are discussing changing Night porter Jason Bailey hours unpaid community the colour scheme of their col- crashed his Peugot 205 into a work after pleading guilty to Memorial Day lege bar. The decision to redec- parked lorry trailer on the drink-driving at Cambridge CUSU have planned a candle orate the famous ‘Red Bar’ in night of Saturday January 14. Magistrates’ Court last week. lighting event today on King’s 2004 caused widespread dis- Police tests revealed that the He was also charged £50 for Parade to commemorate the may at King’s. Now students 33 year-old was almost three court expenses. Holocaust. A remembrance are being given the chance to times over the legal limit, Mr Bailey refused to com- ceremony will also take place choose a new colour - provided with 101 micrograms of alco- ment on his conviction, but at King’s college. it matches the blue furniture, hol in 100 millilitres of reportedly told the court he >>Luke Pearce, p11 of course. breath. was “remorseful” and The accident, which wrote “ashamed of having driven off Bailey’s car, occurred on whilst over the limit.” AI MARLAND JAMIE Cross Campus Launching the “Pink Pamphlet”, a gay guide to Cambridge Oxford Butteries plinth during the night on January 10. The theft comes Gay-friendly council break Food Safety less than a month after a Regulations bronze reclining figure by of its LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Oxford students found out this Henry Moore was stolen from Andy Heath Bisexual and Transgender) week that their buttery meals the Henry Moore Foundation Staff Group. have been prepared in in Hertfordshire. “This is a THE CITY council stars in a Stephen Frost, the cam- kitchens breaking hygiene valuable piece of art that has list honouring the top 100 paign group’s Director of standards. Reports accessed by been part of the Roehampton gay-friendly employers in the Workplace Programmes, said The Oxford Student dish the dirt landscape for 40 years,” said UK for the second consecu- it was useful for the “1.7 mil- on 80 breaches of food regula- Pro-Vice-Chancellor Chris tive year. Cambridge’s 70% lion gay staff in the UK work- tions in the last year. Some of Cobb. “We are extremely anx- rating makes the council the force [who] are increasingly the more serious incidents ious for its return.” sixth most gay-friendly local keen to choose gay-friendly include rats attracted by open authority in the country. employers.” refuse bins outside a kitchen Goodbye to Intended to help prevent Staffordshire Police and a case of mould growing in workplace discrimination on topped the poll with a score a dry storeroom. Only eight Sub-Fusc? the basis of sexuality, which of 86%. IBM, the highest- colleges passed inspections Oxford students are debating has been illegal since 2003, rated private sector organ- with no breaches found. whether to abolish the the January survey by istaion, came second and requirement to wear sub-fusc national gay-rights organisa- third place was shared for university examinations. tion Stonewall placed the between Manchester City Birmingham bans Currently, students must wear council 30th overall in its Council and the Department Christian Society a uniform of gowns, black suits Workplace Equality Index. for Work and Pensions. Also St. John’s Porters’ Lodge The Birmingham University or skirts, and have to carry Although this means a drop amongst the top ten are milk Evangelical Christian Union their mortarboards to all of seven places since last round favourites Accenture, has had its status as a society exams, as well as to their year’s analysis, the judge- JP Morgan and Credit removed by the university’s matriculation and graduation ment criteria are now wider, Suisse. Guild of Students after a row ceremonies. The university has including monitoring the Popular destinations for Hughes speaks out over membership qualifica- offered to make the dress numbers of employees who Cambridge graduates such as tions. The Guild insists that optional if the students wish are ‘out’ and the infrastruc- the Treasury, Foreign and when he described Cambridge any official society must be them to. However, a survey ture of organisations. Commonwealth Office and Jamie Munk MP David Howarth as “enlight- open to all members of the being conducted by Cherwell “This year the study really Lloyd TSB were all placed ened in every matter but one,” university, irrespective of reli- Online shows that the majority got under the skin of compa- below the council. The SIMON HUGHES, President of referring to his support for rival gion or sexuality. The univer- of students are happy with the nies,” said the council’s Royal Navy, in its first the Liberal Democrats, outlined candidate Chris Huhne.

sity commented, “The formal attire. Strategy Officer for appearance, came 75th. his “excellent vision for an MARLAND JAMIE University’s Charter, and gen- Equalities, Sigrid Fisher. The announcement is a enlightened Britain” at the eral laws, require the Student stabbed at “This, as well as the fact that boost before February’s LBGT Peterhouse Politcs Society on University not to discriminate there were more organisa- History Month, when local Monday. Hughes, speaking to a on the grounds of religion.” Warwick Union tions involved, makes direct celebrations will include a packed college Parlour, said he A Warwick student was comparison between this and photography exhibition by “was very happy to be back” in Sculpture stolen stabbed with a needle last last year inappropriate.” local LBGT group Cambridge, where he read Law week at a union event. The Stonewall recognised the SexYOUality and a talk by at Selwyn. He stressed the from Roehampton second-year Maths student positive atmosphere created Amnesty International. importance of local decision Campus had just left the toilet when by the council’s policies, links February 21 is the council’s making, arguing: “The new sort The Watchers, a sculpture by she felt a sudden pain in her with the gay community and “Wear Pink to Work Day”. of politics says ‘you've got to let Lynn Chadwick, has been arm. She was quickly rushed benefits for same-sex part- Stonewall’s Chief Executive, go at the centre.’” Although stolen from the campus of to hospital and her condition ners of employees. It also Ben Summerskill, emphasised praising the Lib Dems as the Roehampton University in deteriorated once she arrived. commended their “effective that businesses which did not “most democratic of political South London. One of the The student was discharged engagement” with lesbian appeal to gay staff missed a large parties,” he was keen to press three, abstract three-legged fig- from hospital the following and gay staff and service pool of potential recruits and his own candidacy in the cur- ures in bronze, dating back to day, but doctors are still unsure users, which the council ultimately neglected their cus- rent leadership race. He won a 1960, was cut from its concrete what she was injected with. achieved through the work tomer base. laugh from the attentive crowd Simon Hughes at Peterhouse 27.01.06 News Varsity 5 Special Report: Mental Health Local services given stay of execution following city protest

Rachel Cooper The Facts

A PUBLIC outcry against pro- • 28% of students coming to

posals to cut mental health the UCS present with JAMIE MARLAND services for young people has severe problems that are forced Cambridge health classed as “affecting all chiefs to defer their decision aspects of their life” and weekdays on the future of mental health there may be self-harm care. JULIE SPENCE Cambridge City and South • Relationships remain the CHIEF CONSTABLE, Cambridgeshire Primary Care most common problem CAMBRIDGESHIRE POLICE Trusts’ executives met to dis- area that students bring to cuss proposals and announced the UCS they needed more time to consider the cuts. • The UK has one of the The board will make a deci- highest rates of self-harm in Monday sion next month. A PCT Europe with 400 people out During the evening I am inter- spokesperson said that the of every 100,000 self-harm- viewed on Radio deferred decision “could still ing Cambridgeshire’s “drive time”. go either way”. Between 6.30 and 7.00pm In October, the cash- • Every two days in the UK, Simply Red, Kenny G, Chris strapped PCTs outlined plans five young people take Rea and my revelations hop- to remodel the Young People’s their own lives fully smooth people’s journeys Service, providing treatment home. and support for 17- to 25- • Cambridge PCTs are facing year-olds with mental health a £17m overspend problems. People over 20 Tuesday would no longer be able to held a vigil outside the I chair the last meeting of the access specialist services pro- Guildhall to campaign against Local Criminal Justice Case vided by the YPS, instead the cuts. David Howarth MP, Management Sub-Group and being referred to adult mental who fiercely opposes the cuts, Protestors spell out the threats of cuts to youth mental health services then a meeting with the health services. Mark Phippen, opened the vigil, saying “I Cambridgeshire Country head of the University know the Young People’s Currently, ten percent of the are at capacity and our cialist mental health services Landowners Association. They Counselling Service, Service does a tremendously 500 patients using the YPS resources have not increased for students be established. are feeling positive as our oper- described the situation as good job”. He added that there annually are students. in line with a need to cope Phippen therefore finds it ation to curb hare-coursing, “absurd.” was “no rational case for clos- Phippen said, “It is the one with an increased number of “curious” that the “proposed has proved to be a success - “General adult psychiatry is ing the YPS”. part of the mental health serv- students accessing the serv- cuts to mental health provi- hare-coursing and the conse- not adept at taking into Speaking later to Varsity, he ice in the area that provides a ice.” sion remove the one specialist quent anti-social behaviour is account the particular needs of said “in financial terms, the geographically-accessible and Students who have benefit- resource that is available to down 90% on last year. a student population,” he con- cuts make no sense”. The PCT timely service to those young ed from the YPS also students in the area”. tinued. denies this. people and students” who expressed their concern at the Vicki Mann, CUSU Welfare Proposals to axe the YPS’ On hearing of the deferred need more specialist care. proposals. Officer agreed that: “This is a Wednesday Therapeutic Community – a decision, Howarth said “it’s a In recent years, the UCS has Patricia Barker, a King’s huge oversight which will I see a group of Police two-year therapy programme very bad day for mental health witnessed a rise in the number Maths student who spent a undoubtedly have a devastat- Community Support Officers, for young people that has ben- services in Cambridge, but I’m of students accessing the year in the YPS due to depres- ing impact on the mental and then meet one of our sen- efited a number of Cambridge very pleased that the YPS has counselling service – approxi- sion and eating disorders has health provision for our stu- ior officers to discuss commu- students – and offer only an been given more time. I will mately five to ten per cent her criticisms of the service but dents.” nity cohesion and how we can outpatient service were met be using the next month to each year – and an increase in says, “It probably saved my According to Phippen, improve our understanding with public opposition. continue to press for the YPS cases of depression and eating life. It certainly gave me back “where specialist support is through joint work with the Last weekend, protestors to be saved”. disorders. the chance of a real future”. not readily available, young councils. The day ends with Phippen stresses that the Phippen emphasises that people tend to ‘act out’ in another interview, this time for UCS can only provide short- issues of depression, anxiety ways that have serious conse- a new magazine supplement. Cambridge Case Studies term solutions, “We don’t and self-harm are not peculiar quences,” including serious have medically trained staff to Cambridge, “These are the misuse of drugs or suicide. Clare, 22, Cambridge stu- Without the YPS, I would and a psychiatrist visits only kind of problems that are on Patricia fears that without Thursday dent be lost in the adult mental once a week. Our work is brief the increase at a national the specialist support of the I attend the Cambridge Ethnic Last year,I left Cambridge health system or I would be and interventional, we cannot level”. YPS, her condition would Community Forum. We dicuss without a degree, suffering dead. I would have starved provide long-term support. The Royal College of have had serious conse- how we can best support each from depression and suicidal myself to death or committed We will do the very best that Psychiatrists has recognised quences, “I doubt I would other’s work. thoughts. I made my first sui- suicide. we can but we cannot provide this. A report published in have got back to my cide attempt aged 9 so I Five years ago I thought the things that the YPS can”. 2003 highlighted students’ Cambridge degree. . brought my issues with me to that my life would be a con- Phippen continued, “We are mental health needs, recom- “I might not have made it at Friday Cambridge. It wasn’t the stant battle with my mental able to provide students with a mending that in cities with all.” The day starts with my weekly Cambridge expiukjerience health. I never believed that I lot of support. However, we high student populations, spe- Chief Constable’s Management that caused my problems. would have a relationship or Support Sources Team meeting, followed by a Having gone to my GP,I bring up a child. But the YPS very useful meeting with the was admitted to an acute psy- helped me achieve all those • Your GP Police Authority Chairman, chiatric ward where I spent things. I am living and not Chairs of Boards and Clerk, to the next few months. For the just existing. • Your Tutor discuss emerging issues. We past four months, I have been talk about the positive Home • The University Counselling

attending the Therapeutic *name has been changed JAMIE MARLAND Office figures which show that Community and feel like I’m Service can be contacted on violent crime is down by already making progress. Sarah, 23, Cambridge resi- 01223 332865 25.9% in Cambridgeshire. They are helping me not to dent accept all the blame for things When I was 11, I started self- that have happened. harming and at 14, I left The YPS offers practical school. After spending time in The Bishop was surprised to support as well as therapy. hospital, I was transferred to a find a wannabe swamp man This time last year,I could not secure unit which was really venturing into the Hills Road go shopping and so gave up frightening. I was only sewers outside Emmanuel early eating. As the Therapeutic allowed to leave the unit one morning. The daring Community go shopping because I agreed to go on the drunkard removed an iron together every week, I have Therapeutic Community pro- manhole cover, climbed down been able to overcome that gramme. Without the YPS, I inside and poked his head out. fear. If I didn’t have the sup- might still be on the secure “Move out the way: I’m driving port of the YPS, I would prob- unit now. a tank”, he warned his friends ably slip back into my old pat- My treatment ended in loudly, before having to duck terns and be back in hospital. 2001 but I continued having Ecclesiastical down with a splash when a outpatient appointments. Last offerings from our real car drove over his head. He Ellie*, 26, Cambridge resi- year, I decided to stop going was quickly awakened by the dent to the YPS because I had man in the pulpit cold ‘water’ of the drains. At 17, I was referred to the heard about the proposed Therapeutic Community with cuts and I didn’t want to stay Which Trinity Fellow has been Which first year student has a history of depression and if the service was going to spied indulging in frequent resorted to weekend lap danc- eating disorders. It was help- close. visits from a prominent ing to fund her Sambuca- ful but I left after a year. I In October, I had attempted Cambridge escort agency? The fuelled nights at Ballare? ended up in hostels for the suicide so I’m seeing a psychi- Fellow meets his midnight “Clients get a real kick out of homeless and taking drugs. I atrist at Addenbrooke’s, but I callers opposite Trinity gates the fact I’m at Cambridge”, was referred back to the YPS don’t feel I’m making much before taking them to his she says. “My boss wants me and I stayed for over 2 years. progress. Some days, I think I rooms in Neville’s Court for a to start wearing a mini aca- That was 3 years ago. Now,I have to make the best of it, (rather feeble) seeing to. The demic gown and hat for the have a job, a home and a but on others I feel very agency tells us that he prefers fantasy hour strip tease”. child. despondent. “delicately shaven brunettes”. Cambridge MP David Howarth showed his support 6 Varsity Features 27.01.06 ONE MONTH RESOLUTIONS ON THE BRAIN IN LOVE Three students. Three resolutions. Make or break? Varsity catches up Obsessive, passionate, consuming love. The mystery Radhika Patel the University Counselling lines are not met. Dave Ewings THE FUTURE? “I don’t see of mysteries. The experience Gonville and Caius Service. Queens’ myself never having a cigarette of being in love tends to Some people do seem to UCS runs a ‘Can’t Work Group’ again, but I’ll definitely keep it create more questions than RESOLUTION? work effectively under pres- on Wednesdays to help students RESOLUTION? down.” answers. In a society where To stop procrastinating. sure but the risk is that as the overcome the psychological and To give up smoking. people are either WHY? “I used to be on MSN difficulty of work increases motivational aspects of being WHY? “I used to be on 30 to Around 50% of regular commitment-phobic, all the time and check my you get caught out and the unable to work. 40 a day. I started smoking smokers will be killed by their desperately looking for Mr/ email on the hour. All the dis- situation can escalate as dead- when I was nine. My fiancée habit and half of those who die Mrs Right, or getting over a tractions started taking over. I and mum have been trying to do so in middle age having cost failed relationship, wouldn’t it realised I had to focus on my get me to quit for ages. One the NHS £1.5 billion per year: be comforting to understand dissertation in the New Year” day I couldn’t be bothered to Smoking makes it harder to what goes on in your brain HOW’S IT GOING? “At home drive the half hour from home get fitter from exercise. when in love? Has science I did really well. But within to get a new pack so just didn’t It increases risk of impotence become so futuristic that it the first week of term it’s gone have any that day. I always in men in their 30’s and 40’s by can reduce love to the downhill. I’m aiming to get 50%. activity of specific hormones back on top of it next week.” HANNAH FLETCHER A 20-a-day habit will cost in the brain? I couldn’t help around £1,800 per year and but wonder - what is love, Procrastination is “a way of you will pay around 56% chemically speaking? realising short-term gains more for your life insurance. Dr Helen Fisher of Rutgers over long-term ones” accord- Withdrawal symptoms such University has made it her ing to Mark Phippen, Head of as anxiety and irritability can mission to understand ‘the manifest themselves within 15 brain in love’. She started by minutes of finishing a ciga- asking herself, what are Miraj Patel I say I’m cutting down, they rette. romance’s characteristics? Trinity just buy me drinks anyway. According to Professor Exhilaration, obsessive But I’m having a lot more fun Barry Everitt in the Psychology thinking and a craving to be RESOLUTION? going out now that I stay Department there is “powerful near your loved one are a To cut down on alcohol. sober and not being hun- conditioning of smoking and few. Love is an addiction: the WHY? “I used to drink fairly gover is a big plus.” had a cigarette before bed but its effects to specific environ- bliss when together, the heavily two to three times a once I got over that I knew I mental events: after a meal, painful longing if separated. week. It was just the done After smoking, alcoholism could keep it up.” with coffee, with a drink and So, how did scientists thing – if I go out, I get kills more people in the UK ANY CHANGES? “I’m doing with specific people. People reach the conclusion that trashed. My girlfriend wanted than any other drug. One in more exercise this year with all often have no intention to love is an addictive drug? me to try and cut down.” 13 adults are currently drink- the energy I’ve got. I used to smoke, but crave and do Firstly, doctors at UCL put HOW’S IT GOING? “I’ve only dependent. feel like my lungs had been smoke when these stimuli two students who had fallen been drunk once since New By 2009 British women their counterparts in France massacred after a night out. appear”. madly in love in a brain Year’s, which was last night under the age of 25 are pre- and Italy. Since I stopped I’ve noticed scanner to observe their (I’m feeling rough today). It’s dicted to increase their alcohol how much your clothes smell activity patterns. The results hard though, as my friends intake by 31%, drinking more like an ashtray after being in were astonishing. The areas don’t take me seriously when that three times as much as www.drinksense.org the pub.” www.oasisstopsmokingservice.nhs.uk that lit up were associated with the area commonly referred to as our ‘reward system’, responsible for 2006: I PROMISE TO... generating the euphoria induced by drugs such as RUBIKA BALENDRA attempts a pledge cocaine. A brain in love looks like a brain high on cocaine. ow many of you uttered pitulated your vices of 2005: Secondly, it is well Hthese words again on excessive drinking, excessive established that cocaine January 1? Not many, it partying and a sore lack of addiction is associated with seems. A Varsity survey of respect for swim safely rules. elevated levels of a molecule Cambridge students has Maybe you, like me, resolved called dopamine in the brain revealed that only 33% of us to make 2006 the year of curb- reward circuits. People in made a New Year’s resolutions ing your social exploits. love seem to have higher this year and of those only 45% For many of us the New Year Lent 2006 Cambridge’s Science Magazine levels of dopamine in the have kept them since. Not is a chance to mull over the same area. Coincidence? even a month has gone by for experiences of the past and set Dopamine energises the brain those who made the effort to our aspirations for the future. and drives a pursuer to strive bother, yet most of our promis- However, certain factors make harder to receive a reward, es have simply fallen by the one person more likely to break whether it is the object of wayside. This is not to say we their vows than another. one’s desire or a line of are all as fickle as each other. In a study carried out by Dr cocaine. This might also An outlier in our survey was Norcross at the University of explain why ‘playing hard to John Pickavance from Selwyn, Scranton, US, the main factors get’ often works; early who claimed to have had a differentiating those who were OUT NOW acquisition of a reward able to keep to their resolutions reduces the intensity of till at least June were self-effi- dopamine activity in the cacy and having the skills and FREE brain, while a delay in readiness to change. The suc- winning stimulates it. “I WILL BE cessful resolvers stood out from Adversity fuels the flame of the crowd because they con- from your porters’ lodge romantic love, or as Oscar AVOIDING THE trolled the stimuli encouraging Wilde would have it, “the them to break their pledges, essence of love is ALCOHOL reinforced their goals, avoided uncertainty.” AISLE AT triggers and were positive or department But if love is induced by thinkers. In contrast those who molecules, isn’t it possible to SAINSBURY’S did not succeed re-evaluated trick the brain into falling in and blamed themselves fre- love? Dr Fisher believes so. quently and were wishful Ever wondered why it’s so thinkers. With the majority of much easier to fall for it when resolutions being made regard- you are on holiday? Novel ”New Year’s ‘revelation’ involv- ing life-threatening behaviours, www.bluesci.org and exciting experiences ing five pledges, all of which he morbidity could potentially be stimulate the production of has stunningly adhered to. lowered if only better methods dopamine, which in turn acts So maybe you, like me, went were employed of achieving to enhance feelings of to bed on New Year’s morning these goals. Read the magazine online attraction. drunk, happy and dripping wet In keeping with this I have a Since time immortal, poets, after bombing into the hotel simple plan. From now on I playwrights and artists have swimming pool to celebrate the will be avoiding the college bar depicted love as a moment the clock struck the and the alcohol aisle at Latest news and events physiological need, a craving, hour. Sainsbury’s. I will delete the a primordial drive more Maybe you woke up the party playlist on my iPod to In this term’s issue: powerful than hunger. How next day to a hangover, a control the stimuli encouraging G G G close they got to the truth. strong smell of chlorine slowly me to head towards Ballare. As AIDS: 25 Years On Astrobiology That is, of course, chemically bringing into focus the blurred I sit alone and teetotal in my speaking. realisation that a fresh, new silent room I’ll be convincing G G G Christina Geijer year had dawned! Maybe you myself with positive thought Chocolate Grapefruit reflected in the shower that that I really am a whole lot bet- G G G perhaps your celebrations reca- ter off. Quantum Computers Probiotics 27.01.06 Features Varsity 7 HANNAH FLETCHER

eil sits with serene lift. A fellow-passenger on the footwear is socially desirable. Cambridge barefoot, the soles covers suddenly become stimu- patience on the gleaming London underground once The UL has the biggest prob- of my feet are black. They’re lating sensual experiences, Shoeless Ntiled floor of fashionable pressed his spare shoes on him. lem with shoelessness in tinged a violent red around the smoother and warmer than the in the shoe shop, Office, as our pho- Shoelessness is fuzzily associ- Cambridge. There is a clause in outside and maintain a British surrounding pavement and tographer gleefully scatters ated with hippies, nudism, pallor in the centre. Does it with little bits of bossed writing Seventies converse trainers and faux- tramps and Franciscan monks. bother Pete that his feet are to excite the sole. Frosty grass crocodile patents on the floor “People often think I study constantly dirty? “Well, I don’t and spongy ribbed carpet-linos Back when they around him. Wearing a navy t- Philosophy,” Neil says when I eat off them,” he reasons. Nor, are also fun. had ideals and shirt and khaki shorts, with ask him about the stereotypes as he also points out, does he But there’s more to walking college grants, long straggling hair and a mat- he encounters. Pete has been look at them very much. barefoot than pavement-appre- ISABELLA ted beard, he cuts an mistaken for a faith healer. He “ Dirt, cold and cuts would ciation or a masochistic buzz. FORESHALL, Newnham MANHOLE incongruous figure amidst the is slender and lithe. His shoul- seem to be the obvious practical “Barefoot, we’re almost always 1974, kicked off her shoes skinny jeans and fishnets that der-length hair hangs in loose, COVERS disadvantages with the concept. at peace. We’re gentle and tol- and the establishment flitter by him. But then Neil is matted waves. He too sports a Though the earth may long to erant with our fellow man… with them. She’s now a often a bit incongruous. He is beard, tastefully plaited in sev- BECOME feel the soles of one’s feet, it is Stress and anxiety evaporate,” criminal law barrister in a one of Cambridge’s shoeless eral places. He walks with an hard to overcome the suspicion barefooters.org rhapsodises. top London practice. students. unflinching lope, his feet rolling SENSUAL that it will lacerate them as Some people choose to barefoot Neil Stevens, a first-year smoothly over stone, gravel well. I was initially anxious recreationally. Peter Dawson is We wore boiler suits and Mathematician at Sidney, is and cobbles. EXPERIENCES about stones, glass-shards, or one of the fair-weather shoe- crew-cuts. Socialist femi- one of an elite barefoot few. I chuck out words like ‘spiri- hypodermic needles punctur- less. He doesn’t see it as a big nists of the seventies were Sightings are rare but rumours tual’ and ‘penance’. I postulate WITH LITTLE ing my delicate, shoe-softened deal. People do weirder things. quite ascetic in their attire. abound as to how many of about the environment. Pete skin. But cobblestones, rather Peter tells me, in hushed tones, them there actually are. There scoffs when I ask whether he is BITS OF than syringes, were the worst of a Fellow in the Engineering When we did wear shoes may be as may be as many as a vegetarian. I probe for some Cambridge city-centre had to department who always puts they weren't much. A lot of half a dozen or as few as the deep-seated ideological convic- EMBOSSED offer. sandals on over socks. There are leftish students of the time two I manage to track down - tion behind the pose. To my WRITING TO Plantar is the name of the certainly more disturbing things made our own out of leather Neil and Pete Flemming, a sec- mild disappointment, both are skin covering the bottom of the to do with one’s feet than not we stitched ourselves ond-year theologian at adamant that they are shoeless EXCITE THE feet. It is “a supple layer of ‘liv- put shoes on them, as the and soles made of recycled Pembroke. Rain and snow, because they simply don’t like ing leather’ still very much briefest of Google image search- car tyres. A lovely look. inside and outside, lecture wearing shoes. As Pete himself SOUL alive and able to feel,” as es will reveal. halls, shops and streets, Neil wrote in an email to me: www.barefooters.org enthuses The photographer has ‘acci- I was rigorously shoeless and Pete never wear shoes. “There´s no thrilling feet-are- lovingly. With a medic’s entic- dentally’ taken my shoes, for some time. Even though, In the spirit of journalistic our-aerials-they-pick-up-signal ing phrasing, Stephen Robbins, leaving me with a solitary shoe- at this time of year, going rigour, I decide to spend a shoe- s-from-the-cosmos-and-trans- in the journal Foot and Ankle, less walk back to college. I stare shoeless was unusual. less morning myself with them. mit-them-directly-into-the-bra writes: “Compared with the fixedly at the pavement in front Neil and Pete do not know each in type banter.” hairy skin of the thigh, plantar of me. I pretend I’m scanning A medieval ascetic other. There is no CU shoeless “You can say a lot of beautiful ”the Library's law-book which skin requires approximately for syringes. In fact, I’m just walked for miles barefoot soc. What induces these two things about going barefoot.” states visitors must be wearing 600% greater abrading loads to avoiding eye contact with the cursing unrighteous people. pleasant, well-adjusted, normal Pete quotes from an exotically- shoes, as was made clear to Pete reach pain threshold.” bewildered people walking past So I was probably just emu- guys to expose their feet to named Arabic text: “The wind by the Library’s ‘Enforcer’. Pete It’s tough, plantar, but it can’t me. I am embarrassed. My lating someone who had lit pavements, the January longs to play in your now wears red stilettos deal with everything. Pete says plantar may be on an easy way of setting weather and the bewilderment hair and the earth when he has to go in. he leaves bloody footprints coping, but my himself apart. Though, I of passers-by? to feel the soles of Neither of them when he cuts himself on bits of ego isn’t so don't think I had his full Neil, Pete and I have had a your feet…” But can pinpoint when glass. But “the worst is grit”. I resilient. moral agenda. lot of comments today. he and Neil both their shoeless- can believe it. With the abrasing Later, though, “Fucking hell! Are you all insist that there’s ness started. load I receive on Pembroke’s with my feet I never went anywhere doing it now?” says a vocal Big no ideological Like many gravel walkway, it takes very encased in plastic much. This was an impor- Issue seller on Kings’ Parade, motive behind it. people, they little time for me to reach my and leather once tant factor in my shoeless adding observantly, “You’re not “I don’t do it to often went pain threshold. Fine metal grip- again, walking experience. wearing any shoes.” cause contro- barefoot in grilles are also uncomfortable, down the street Neil is “not really bothered” versy,” Neil the summer. apparently. And in the context seems incredibly I battled not to wince on a by other people’s reactions. assures me. Pete But, unlike of bad things to walk on, Neil monotonous. cobbled bit near King’s in Pete has a similarly laissez- points out that everybody understandably mentions Everywhere feels light snow. This discomfort faire attitude. The comments not wearing else, they upturned screws. like the inside of together with the lack of he receives tend to be varia- shoes would kept going. However, walking around my boot. I am con- attention from others put an tions on the theme: “You’re not hardly be the Nothing dras- Cambridge barefoot was, ulti- scious of a raft of end to the experiment short- wearing any shoes.” It’s mostly most effective tic, no mately, surprisingly pleasurable. missed sensory ly afterwards. “witticism, witticism, pass by”, political state- trainer-burn- The rippled old stones that experience, even he says. Though it’s debatable ment. Both say ing free-footed make up Cambridge’s prettier if 50 percent of it In my deeply undistin- how guilty the general public they would put conversion days. pavements have a soothing was mild discom- guished legal career I ever are of witticisms – they shoes on if they They simply didn’t effect. Pete especially likes the fort. acted for someone who con- have hardly excelled them- were causing put their shoes “dimpled” pink tiles that the Try it some- scientiously objected to selves this morning. offence. Pete car- back on. government kindly puts at time. Sensory wearing clothes, and Often, though, people ries a pair of bright After two the edges of pedestrian experience is what appeared naked at court, are concerned. A pink flip flops hours of crossings. “The best young adulthood but I do not think the two police car once pulled around with him, walking thing is the variety of is all about. things are connected. upSHOELESS and offered Pete a for occasions when about textures.” Manhole Freaks? Faith healers? Who are they and why do they do it? ANNA LEACH spends a barefoot day with two of CAMBRIDGE’S SHOELESS STUDENTS to find out for you 8 Varsity Features 27.01.06

Emily Stokes asks How are you, ADC Bar Samuel West? SEEN SW: I’m pretty tired. I’m going to SW: [Long pause, look of dis- have a glass of wine and a ciga- comfort, then, dryly:] Mostly it’s Tuesday rette. It’s been one of those a lot less organised, and it has days. fewer major stars in it. That’s probably the main thing so far. Illustration Abi Millar ES: What was it like coming from a dynasty of actors? Did ES: Your new programme at Words Luke Roberts 12.30am you do family plays at Sheffield has attracted a lot of Christmas? attention. Did you choose to SW: How grand! God, no. What stage The Romans in Britain an absolutely vile idea [look of by Howard Brenton because disgust]. We prefer to use the of the controversy it caused in phrase ‘family business’ rather 1980 at the National? than ‘dynasty’. I think that SW: No, that’s too bald. I’m dynasty is rather grand and sug- delighted that people want to go gest that there’s something in and see The Romans because the blood, and I don’t think there they think they know what it’s is. But clearly there are things about. I’m also certain that what you inherit very quickly after they think it’s about is not what it you’re born. That meant an is about. unspoken immersion in words. I was quite a precocious child I ES: What is it about? think. SW: What seemed to offend people was that there was a ES: Do you parents still come naked man simulating a male to see your plays? rape on the stage of the National SW: They come to see them and Theatre. What may be closer to they give me notes. I take notes the truth is that a very gifted better if they say “well done dar- writer was choosing to employ ling. You were best, there’s just the story of Britain’s invasion by this one tiny thing…” My father the Romans to draw a parallel gave me a very good note after between Roman imperialism and the first preview of Much Ado our invasion of Northern Ireland, About Nothing. Frankly I needed and by implication nowadays a drink; I could have done with our invasion of Afghanistan or the note being about five min- Iraq or Grenada or any number utes later, but it was still a very of misguided attempts at estab- good note. [Pours another glass lishing an empire. And they may of wine.] not have thought that that was what offended them. But a quar- ES: I heard you enjoy playing ter of a century later, I hope that poker. there will be a reaction closer to SW: I play poker. I don’t always “what was all the fuss about?” enjoy it. Well, I have quite a But that’s only part of the small game here on Monday reaction: the rest which is more nights. It’s become harder to important, is “What were we? maintain as people grow up and What were we turned into by the have children. It used to be Roman invasion? What have we cocktails and narcotics at mid- lost? What’s okay with us that night and the last deal as the shouldn’t be okay with us?” sun came up, but in this case – And, if you’re really going to to quote another good play complain about a Roman soldier about poker, According to Hoyle, attempting to bugger a Celt, – it’s guava juice and home by what do you think goes on? midnight. [Looks at me very searchingly.] Howard’s very clear on this ES: What else do you do to point. He says if you don’t show relax? things at their worst, why will SW: Not enough. My girlfriend anyone trust you when you and I were arguing the other show things at their best? night about how nice it would be to cook more. It’s weird – I don’t ES: Are you politically active? know why we were arguing SW: No, not nearly enough. But I because we both thought it have had letters from people would be nice. saying that plays I have done have made people think. More ES: Did you know Sheffield and more, I believe that the the- before you became director of atre should be a place for a the Sheffield Theatres? debate and – paradoxically – as SW: My aunt lives there. It’s also people believe in public figures a city I visited a lot because I less and less, they come to the used to follow Wimbledon foot- fun palace, to the dream house, ball club. I also was a train spot- to hear the truth. ter.I used to go to Tinsley. Samuel West read English at ES: Train spotting. That’s quite Oxford, where he acted in an eccentric hobby. seventeen plays. In addition SW: [looks very offended]. I to his theatre work as actor don’t know. I would be more and director, he has made eccentric now, because trains television appearances are a lot less interesting now. I including in Cambridge Spies think it’s a rather wonderful and Hornblower, and has hobby. It’s always puzzled me acted in several films such that train spotters are frowned as Howards End, Notting Hill upon. You know, it’s okay to and Iris. In June 2005 he wear an overpriced bit of nylon became Artistic Director of tat on a Saturday afternoon and Sheffield Theatres. He lives go and watch two men beating in a flat in Islington. the shit out of each other but it’s not okay to go down to your local railway station and watch trains. I do think there’s a slightly autistic bent – I’m so sorry I have no idea if that’s an offen- sive suggestion – in the need to catalogue the world. I also watch birds.

ES: What’s the main difference between your approach to directing the Sheffield Theatres and that of Michael Grandage, the previous artistic director? PHOTO: MICHAEL DERRINGER the StopWar Coalition has recent highprofile workwith When Isuggest thathismost this bracket)toenactchange. (and hewouldclasshimselfin capacity ofordinarypeople wholehearted believerinthe mined andpersistent,a and ofhispolitics.Heisdeter- indicative ofhistemperament organisation andresolveis journal intheevenings.This er, and then compileshis one publicmeetingandanoth- when he’s notflittingbetween of hisdaysansweringletters, away. who wouldthrowhispost spare taperecorder leaps upagaintogetmea (W tem. Galloway wouldadoptthesys- context. 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Whetherhelikesit lair’s cabinet.Didhisfather’s t At theendofinterviewI I Lifetime inPolitics do himanydamage”.He doubt hethinksisno Becomes akeyfigurein Retires fromthe Unsuccessfully chal- Loses hisBristolseat, Bids forthedeputy Gains hisfirstCabinet Enters Parliament,as Marries hiswife Born inLondon,edu t had oneforyears.But estminster .” - . In “I 2 - - 7.01.06 F eatures Varsity 9 10 Varsity Features 27.01.06 THE DEBATE: NUCLEAR IRAN This week: Laura Dixon asks is Iran on the path to becoming a nuclear superpower? Last week Iran moved billions of on a nuclear programme that Why not accept Russia’s target. However, what could Is Ahmadinejad responsi- Their ability to manouver in dollars’ worth of assets out of the it clearly does not need for proposal to create and hurt the regime are cultural ble for the decision? Is the UN and elsewhere is both U.S. and Europe amidst threats of civilian purposes. I see a deliver the uranium? sanctions. there popular support for recognised and admired, even possible UN sanctions. Iran has also number of reasons why Iran What are Iran’s security the decision within Iran? if their goals are less so. threatened to reduce its oil exports to would want nuclear Roxane: Developing the options? Firstly, it could do Asle: There are many perfect- international markets. The Presi- weapons. The Iranian feel- nuclear rods in Russia affects nothing. This is unlikely. Asle: Clearly the current ly legitimate reasons why Iran dent of the International Atomic ing of living in a dangerous Iran’s sovereign right to The Iranian security dilem- regime does not represent wants to acquire nuclear Energy Association (IAEA), region is not calmed by develop this process under ma is real and acute. A the Iranian people in a way weapons and there are many Mohamed ElBaradei, has said that neighbouring Pakistan and the constraints of the NPT. change of regime in Tehran is that one would expect in a perfectly legitimate reasons Iran could be “months or weeks” Israel. This is not a nuclear resource unlikely to change this. democracy. Yet I am not sure why other states might try and away from having the ability to Roxane: Iran does not admit issue but a sovereignty issue. Secondly, Iran could ask for how important this factor is stop them doing so, and that is develop a nuclear weapon, yet Iran to building a nuclear Arshin: Iran has the human security guarantees. For this when it comes to the nuclear the tragedy of great power pol- maintains that it wants to develop weapons programme and natural resources to to become an option Iran programme, it is unlikely itics. nuclear capabilities for energy pur- and it has remained manage the full nuclear fuel would need to shift towards that a more dovish President poses only. Does this signal a new within the guide- cycle. Outsourcing it to a more liberal, more demo- would have halted the pro- era of nuclear diplomacy? And lines of the NPT. Russia is irrational. From the cratic administration. Finally gramme. But, Ahmadinejad IRAN: what will come of Iran’s nuclear As to the question Iranian perspective out- Iran could become a nuclear has raised tensions by sin- stand-off? of whether Iran really sourcing enrichment to state. gling out Israel as the pri- A TIMELINE is developing a bomb, Russia would unnecessarily Roxane: Strikes against Iran mary opponent it is more likely that sacrifice the country’s are unlikely. There have Roxane: Ahmadinejad has they wish to develop political independ- been estimated to be 20 plus not been responsible for a 1995: Iran and Russia sign a Roxane Farmanfarmaian, the capability, with- ence and eco- nuclear sites, many under change in policy concerning contract for a nuclear facili- Cambridge, PhD on Iran. out developing the nomic or in universities, mosques the nuclear situation. The ty, for “energy-only” purpos- Published Blood and Oil: actual weapon. autarky. and hospitals. A symbolic nuclear option was put into es. Inside the Shah’s Iran The reasons that strike on the other hand, gear by his predecessor, the Asle Toje, Cambridge, PhD. Iran gives for develop- would not deter Iran from moderate Khatami. 12/1999: Supreme Leader Published Europe’s Success ing nuclear energy are retaliation, and as things Popularity in Iran is a diffi- Khamenei states “there is in Iran has a hollow ring generally considered stand at the moment, with cult thing to track, since all only one solution to the Arshin Adib valid; Iranian influence very opposition parties are illegal. Middle East problem, name- Moghaddoum, Oxford a) Its own population is high in Iraq, the However, I think it mislead- ly the annihilation and the University. Directed a project increasing, b) nuclear costs of retal- ing to view the reform move- destruction of the Zionist in Tehran to establish the first energy would free up iation ment under Khatami as rep- state”. peace research institute in more petroleum to sell resenting the only real aspi- Iran for hard currency. rations of the people. 12/2002: IAEA inspections c) Iran’s oil industry is Arshin: Ahmadinejad follow claims of heavy water increasingly showing acts quite independently and Uranium enrichment signs of age, and the from the other power facilities. Does Iran intend to devel- effects of previous sanc- institutions in Iran. In op a nuclear weapons pro- tions. fact, he was repeatedly 11/2003: Iran suspends gram? Asle: The idea that the criticized by former enrichment,allowing tougher Iranian nuclear pro- President Khatami. As inspections. Arshin: Let us consider the gramme is not part of a Where for public opinion, there facts. First, The Supreme cover weapons pro- will the is a near unanimous con- 07/2004: the IAEA com- Leader of Iran, Ayatollah gramme is a tale that very talks with the IAEA lead? sensus in Iran that the plains that Iran is “not co- Khomeini, issued a fatwa (or few experts believe. Does Iran dismiss interna- country is treated unjustly operating”. religious verdict) prohibiting The Iranian nuclear tional threats regarding by the West. The Iranian nuclear weapons. Second, programme is not a spin sanctions as bravely as it government has successfully 11/2004: EU deal to sus- Iran has signed the Non- off of a broad technologi- has done in international would be played the game of “nuclear pend enrichment Proliferation Treaty, (NPT), cal wave. That said, I am statements? very high. populism”. August 2005: Iran rejects EU which allows the country to not persuaded that the Iran’s Shahab Roxane: Although Plan, Isfahan plant enrich Uranium but not for nuclear programme is only Asle: Military action is not three missiles are Ahmadinejad’s belligerent reopened. the purpose of weaponisa- “weeks” from completion inevitable. Without a UN thought to have comments have elicited a lot of tion. Third, in November as was recently claimed. mandate the EU will not sufficient range commentary in the West con- 16/01/2005: Iran breaks 2003, the IAEA concluded There is a real danger that carry out or support pre- even to hit Israel’s cluding that he’s either stupid international seals on three that Iran is not developing the Teheran hard liners are emptive strikes. As for the nuclear facilities. or naive, I don’t find that he or of its nuclear research facili- nuclear weapons. Within this over-playing their hand in US, a military strike does Arshin: Military action is the political establishment he ties. framework, it is hard to the sense that their scien- not seem likely. The threats not an option at this stage. represents is at all either of argue that Iran is developing tists are nott working at the of Tehran to wipe Israel off If the case is referred to the those things. In the EU the 02/02/06: EU-3 plan to meet nuclear weapons. same speed that their lead- the map is taken seriously UNSC, the country will con- Iranians are viewed as very on with officials from the IAEA. Asle: Over the past decade ers are alienating the global in Tel Aviv. As for sanc- tinue to play a diplomatic top of their game, hard nego- Iran has spent a lot of money opinion. tions, Iran is not an easy game. tiators, and well informed.

THE MAYS ANTHOLOGIES 2006 The Mays is an anthology of new writing by students in Cambridge and Oxford, which is released to critical Submissions Invited: acclaim each year. Poetry, Prose, Drama, The best submitted material will be published in the upcoming MAYS14 anthology, and the finalist’s work will Photos, Cover Art be distributed in advance to every major literary agency in the country. Deadline: February 3rd Don’t miss the deadline! Send your work to: [email protected]

TODAY,Free 2.30PM MAYS14 – JUDITH E. WILSON DRAMALiterature STUDIO, FACULTY EventOF ENGLISH - TODAY! ‘BRITISH PUBLISHING: FACTS AND FICTION’ Speakers include representatives from leading literary agency ICM and publisher Penguin. Refreshments will be provided and all attendees will receive a free copy of last year’s anthology 27.01.06 Comment Varsity 11

THE HORROR Trends that really get my goat OF DENIAL Luke When fashion and environmentalism meet Pearce o the individual observer, reality is never perfectly Tess Riley Tclear. On Holocaust Memorial Day we are left again received my Oxfam goat for positive movement by cheaply asking how modern society my birthday last March with MILLER ABI ILLUSTRATION: railing against Blair’s record or could ever have witnessed the Idelight; not only was I doing muttering “Bush is an exploit- worst events of the Second someone else a good turn and ing bastard” (he is, World War. Unless, of course, preventing my bedroom floor- incidentally) whilst driving you believe that it never hap- boards from becoming even along in a 4 by 4 slurping a pened at all. more precariously close to col- McDonald’s milkshake. The As the last survivors of the lapse, it was also very à la yummy mummies who think Holocaust pass away, so a link mode. If Sienna and Paris are that they are saving the world to the recorded past is weak- doing it, then that’s the present by buying organic mangoes are ened. I worry that the falling for me. more likely to be doing so driv- numbers of witnesses to the My reaction might have en by the thought of clearer mass slaughter of the Nazi been different had I received skin than because children in camps may embolden the the same present this less developed countries are six Holocaust deniers, or “revision- Christmas. The goat is, like, so times more likely to die in ists,” as some prefer to be last season… apparently. There areas where pesticides are used called. It’s hard to dismiss their are new eco trends rapidly fill- to grow crops. particular conspiracy theory as ing its place. This Christmas it I do not claim to be the harmless. was all about donkeys and Jesus of environmentalism Two years ago I was sitting camels. If you didn’t donate (without sin, that is) but trivial, in my A-Level History class, something that went hee-haw fashionable gestures really get defending established fact or had two humps you clearly my goat. My dismissive atti- against another boy who was were out of touch. Of course, tude is aimed less at those who having a worrying amount of since the idea is purely hypo- are indifferent than it is at success convincing his fellow thetical, we never actually see those who take up environ- students that six million dead these animals. Thank God. Can mentalism as a new chic was an exaggeration. The trou- you imagine Christmas dinner hobby, just to drop when it ble is that without having done if it were not? Burnt potatoes, goes out of season. the research, a Holocaust lunatic relations, hyperactive Still, I’m glad that fashion denier can convince you that children buzzing on e-numbers has caught up with eco-living questions remain unanswered. galore since 5am, and, in the if it means more people will be Aside from the friends we corner, a recalcitrant donkey exposed to a range of ideas make and the resistance to destroying the antique furni- they hadn’t considered before. alcohol that we build up, the ture. And that’s just my And who’s complaining if a chief benefit of a university grandmother. cosmic alignment of fashion education should be the ability Truly deserving of praise is and philanthropy lets me be to evaluate; to challenge previ- Oxfam’s PR Department. It’s chic just by being eco-friendly? ous assumptions and not slick, indefatigable and, crucial- My worry is how to keep this swallow everything we’re told. ly, clandestine. You see if we “ up, now that I am oh so cool. It is right, therefore, that we notice what they’re doing This Christmas it was all about donkeys and Not wanting to fall off my should continue to question them then we notice ourselves perch, I must spend even more existing beliefs. New evidence as shallow, self-interested con- camels. If you didn’t donate something that time researching the eco- from the past sixty years of his- sumerists. Their real friendly, happening fashions to torical analysis have achievement is to tap their gift went hee-haw or had two humps you were be. I fear, however, that like continually revised our under- ideas brilliantly into the fashion most fashionable trends, being standing of how, why, and in market without us noticing, clearly out of touch green is going to lose its kudos what circumstances the mass like a magician’s sleight of along the way. At that point I killing of Jews and other hand. Alas, being fashionable will have to retake my place at minorities was able to take has its downside: sooner or the bottom of the style pile and place. later everything fashionable There’s a fine line lying sion of the Ministry (well aware has always had a” stigma perhaps take up yoghurt medi- It is, however, this very criti- will become outmoded. about somewhere here and I alright, the UL). The other attached to it – the hemp- tation to replace those cool cal reasoning that should steer (Denim jeans are the only reckon it’s the balance between encourages us to put others chewing, excrement-burning friends who have tottered over us away from “Holocaust revi- exception to this rule: no one what I like to call the two F’s: before ourselves. No, not liter- hippy staggers grotesquely into to pastures new in their sionist” theories that reverse knows why.) Human is a fickle fashion and philanthropy. The ally, as mud guards for our brain – but the last five years Manolos. proper methodology. The prob- being; if the hippo’s hot, we one urges us to be setting the Gucci coats, but metaphorical- has seen a huge shift. There Life is so tough as a fashion- lem with Holocaust deniers like covet it; if the goat has gone, trends, evoking jealousy as we ly. will sadly always be people conscious, eco-loving 20 year David Irving is that, unlike his- it’s not coming back. walk into the Cambridge ver- Being environmentally who think they are part of this old. Oh, to be an Oxfam goat. torians, they do not accept that their results may differ from their hypotheses. They begin with a belief that the extermi- nation of Jews did not take A Theatre of Cruelty place, and will defend their conclusion whatever the facts. Holocaust denial rests on Torture: the shared tool of terrorists and government one main assumption: that the Western powers and “world Jewry” conspired to fabricate the Holocaust in order to justi- Simon Bird fy their war against Hitler, establish a Jewish state, or he war in Iraq emblematises both character created for him. This duality is anti-Western violence. It is a means to (and thought) of torture can never be even take over the world. This the actuality and frequent sensa- painfully exposed, and exhibited, in the an end, and thus, unlike Kember’s con- utterly devoid of illusion. It is, by its is when it all starts getting a bit Ttionalisation of civil, moral, and footage of Kember’s appeals to Jack finement (we might also say ‘torture’), (un)nature, unreal and inhuman. In silly. religious disparities between East and Straw. Here the kidnapper’s scripted which has no tangible – by which I order to occur, it requires the artificial Always ask yourself about West. Given these divergences it is demands are recited in counterpoint mean realistic rather than figurative – construction of distance, by the torturer, the motives. Holocaust denial instinctive to presuppose a fundamental with Kember’s unspoken plea for res- motive, need not, indeed cannot, devel- between himself and his victim. To is not about objectively estab- remoteness between the kidnap of cue. Similarly, the kidnapper’s weapons op into execution. American and British endure the pain of another, let alone to lishing the facts of history. It’s Western journalists and peace-workers, (guns, bullets, handcuffs, blindfolds), torture is a wholly private occasion. It is create and perpetuate it, demands a no coincidence that many such as Norman Kember, by Iraqi dissi- self-consciously displayed onscreen, are performed behind the curtain, hidden false, fictional state of apathy, or even deniers are neo-fascists. With dents and the alleged torture inflicted transformed into theatrical props, signi- from cameras and spectators. We are contempt, rather than the true human the end of the Second World (or “authorised”, for in this case the fying not only their primary use, as real tempted therefore to believe that it is state of compassion. War, Nazism was exposed as words are interchangeable) by the instruments of pain, but an equal, if not free of all theatricality, that it is, in With this in mind, it becomes impos- an ideology that condoned American and British governments. more crucial, secondary use, as unreal accomplishment as in motive, a purely sible to ignore the affiliation between brutality. The fascists had lost Of course the two categories do differ. images of factionalism and partisan rational, intellectual exercise. We are terroristic kidnapping and interrogation- credibility. If the Holocaust Kember’s captors are terrorists. Their authority. For terrorists then, a tempted to exaggerate the distinction al torture; indeed it becomes necessary could be shown as a hoax, actions are not inspired by Kember per- weapon’s symbolic status is paramount. between “terroristic torture” and “inter- to view the two as direct kin. The famil- then, for some, fascism might sonally. Instead, their motive is public Kidnap in Iraq has become analogical, rogational torture”, the “unreal” and ial resemblance is plain in the portraits be that much less repulsive. and promotional, to stage what Elaine even allegorical. The victim is not the the “real”, and so transpose it into a dis- of American soldiers astride prisoners at Ironically, the existence of Scarry has called “a spectacle”, a show victim alone, he is a race and a culture. tinction between “unnecessary” and Guatanamo Bay. The soldiers’ proud deniers may reassure the rest of of power, and, through the expert And his defeat is not his alone, it is the ‘necessary’. self-awareness, doubled by the reflec- us that on January 27 we manipulation of televisual and online imagined, idealised defeat of the West. To act on this temptation, however, tive surface of the camera, replicates the remember a real atrocity. We apparatus, to broadcast that show to a The American and British strategy is, would be a serious error, for two rea- showmanship exhibited by Kember’s should surely be concerned if large and dedicated global audience. by contrast, emphatically real. The cap- sons, the first of which should be captors. Every form of torture, whether history were always presented Behind and in front of the camera, the tives they incarcerate are prisoners, held considered merely ancillary to the sec- its motive is real or unreal, requires a as a clear-cut sequence of kidnapper assumes the role of author- for specific crimes, and the torture they ond. (1) The result of torture will movement (a revulsion) away from the events devoid of discussion. director, while the victim is cast as an inflict is interrogational. Its purpose is always be shrouded in the mist of unre- world and towards the grotesque pan- Always challenge established actor, forced to exist in two worlds immediate: to extract factual informa- ality.A confession won by abuse is tomime of which only a misused belief and practice. Don’t, how- simultaneously, both as himself and as a tion which will help to prevent insubstantial and shadowy. (2) The act imagination is capable. ever, lose sight of reality. 12 Varsity Comment 27.01.06 O KINGSLEY TOM

One of the new breed of rich Cambridge fellows welcomes Varsity into his refurbished study

Family photo collage scrapped for newly painted Mao-esque portrait Decorated iron girders and Jolly good fellow protect college from added weight of throne surround

Israel chips

MEMBERS OF THE BLOGOSPHERE Throne looks REACT TO THIS WEEK’S NEWS, Designer suit replaces impressive, yet less Replaces PC with Deep OTHER WEEKS’ NEWS dowdy gown and comfortable than old Blue, so he can beat AND EACH OTHER: bargain cardigan swivel chair Kasparov at chess I think the privacy of the members of Golden pen. Actually the Big Brother house should be writes in molten gold. respected. These individuals are just celebrities. They didn’t choose to become people. Emma Buys all the copies of Celebrities are the fascists who elected his book from Amazon Hitler. Galloway deserves everything he so he looks talented gets. David Presumably you would also support the gunning down of innocent civilians, David. Garythelion Desk made entirely from rare Hot tub for hot students. endangered tree. Rare endan- David wasn’t necessarily condoning Makes supervisions super. gered tree made entirely extinct the gunning-down of innocent civilians. He was pointing out that all civilians who were previously innocent have already been gunned down. I for one think this is a barbaric practice which belongs in the Middle Ages, when it Fund Me Do, You Know I’d Fund You would have been generally accepted and probably quite popular with peo- ple. Yo_yo_king The admissions scandal under our access-happy noses

The Russian people do not all live in Olaf the same house. To refer to a sover- eep in the cloistered heart of this Not even a goat. people. The euphemism is about as sub- eign state as The Big Brother House university of ours, a terrible We're told that these rift valleys exist tle as Jodie Marsh. on the grounds of one camera is an Dinjustice is being perpetrated. because some subjects are vocational, Obviously it is hard for the govern- over-reaction, and shows disturbing Like a cancerous cancer it is eating and so shouldn't be paid for with tax ment to distribute what are clearly ignorance of the changes which have away at the core values of this institu- payers money. Fair enough I suppose. insufficient funds to the satisfaction of taken place since 1989, during which tion of ours. I am talking, of course, That'll be why we use the money saved everyone. But the problem is that we about the international scandal that is to pay for law and economics under- have a system that portrays itself as time Russia has gone on to become Henricsson-Bell one of the world’s largest countries postgraduate funding. grads to go and work in the City I comprehensive when in fact it has Peregrinfalcon Unsexy though it may be, funding for guess. more loopholes than a child-abuse reg- our post-tripos lives is a serious issue. The idea that funding should only be ister. We seem to exist in a half-way If the government wastes public money Even you poor freshers, squatting in available for 'purely academic' subjects house between a state-funded postgrad- gunning down innocent Russians, the your room worrying about whether or uate environment and one in which taxpayer will foot the bill. Will this rock not she loves you (she doesn't), should individuals have to fend for themselves. Blair? Don’t count on it. Everybody lend an ear. Even if you aren't applying The result of this divided system is a knows the fire brigade hate for postgrad; even if you never have divided intake; the academically excel- Washington. Nothing will happen. any intention of applying; even if you “ lent, or scientific, who garner them- Ahmed have never met anyone who might, The idea that funding selves some research board funding are maybe, apply, sometime, you should joined by those that can afford to pay. Protecting people from threat does not care about this. should only be This latter grouping are often less able involve sending millions of barrels of You're probably alright if you're a than many who have had to abandon cats to Jerusalem. Irrespective of the scientist. Well, you're not alright, but available for ‘purely their plans for further study because status of Russia, Galloway shouldn’t you know what I mean. People will they fail to secure the necessary funds. be prime-minister of Israel. David stump up the cash for knowledge that academic’ subjects is It's a relatively simple injustice;

might conceivably save children and/or parental wealth should not be a crite- If you think Galloway’s anything other contribute to the development of about as logical as ria, even an indirect one, in the admis- than dead, you must have been living weapons that accidentally incinerate “ sions process. If this were the case at on the moon for the past four months. the same children, and they should. Salvador Dali undergraduate level, there would be a Garythelion That isn't the issue. The issue is the national outcry. Gordon Brown would Number of Israeli tanks in Gaza: scarcity of funding in other areas, and probably get involved. 1000+. Number of Israeli tanks on the the lack of a transparent and equitable This trend is particularly worrying moon: Zero. Point proved. Yo_yo_king system for the allocation of what dol- when British universities make a lars there are. is about as logical as Salvador Dali. The healthy profit from the emerging indus- The notion of putting Galloway on the The system has delusions of vast majority of people who stay on to try that is Masters degrees. It is in their moon certainly is an interesting one. I grandeur. It aspires to universality. do a Masters are doing so because: a) interest to attract full-fee paying stu- personally would see China as crucial There are, for instance, research boards they really liked Cambridge and are dents and, it may be the cynic in me to anything like this. It currently has that should cover all areas of study; the scared of leaving b) they really hated but, that would seem to be an interest the biggest available land area for AHRB for arts, the ESRC for wishy- Cambridge, but sought succour for their that exists in far from perfect harmony launching rockets, and enough man- washy social sciences, and, um, some loneliness in academia and so are stuck with the necessity of attracting the best power to be able to fly. The French others for the other subjects. (This here, or, c) they need further qualifica- students. premier, Ruskin, has already said that sounds sort of weak. Either find a way tions to pursue their career of choice. It It may be that we are simply in the he will boycott any proposals for extra of making your ignorance amusing or strikes me that of these c) seems fairly midst of a transition in postgraduate French deaths, so if anything’s going search a third research body.) respectable. funding, as the British university sys- to happen, it won’t be that. It should This all sounds very nice and com- As part of this farce there are some tem moves steadily into the murky be an interesting week. I’m going to prehensive. But, the thing is, there are courses which are offered in 'academic' world of private funding. Such a stay at home and do absolutely noth- areas of overlap, and when that hap- and 'vocational' variations. The differ- process is completely understandable, ing. Tidaltony pens it is in the interest of both boards ence? Nothing except that for the for- but being a gerbil in a historical-process to shake there heads and point in the mer one is required to take courses in of a treadmill ain't so fun. In fact, it The tank is a land-based animal, and other direction. "It wasn't me guvnor", 'research methods'. Please. We all know blows. Please can we have a system will only thrive on the moon. Could the scoundrels wail as some poor inter- what 'research methods' means. We've that is easy to understand, and provides somebody please hammer this point disciplinary subject slides out of view. all stood in a river, shivering as we cal- funds to those that most deserve it. home. Otherwise this discussion will For those interested in applying for culate the rate of flow, or huddled for Please can we have a system that gives become completely pointless. such courses there are no government warmth in the rain on Hastings High me money. Pretty please. With research MrMatthews funds to apply for whatsoever. Nothing. Street, compiling tally charts of retired methods on top.

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Although for- Crazy Schmundred Our student union is criticised most vehemently when it is merly supported by seen to be blighted by inertia and apathy. Too often in Dear Sir, Cambridgeshire Social Dear Sir, Dear Sir, recent years, as in many students’ unions across the coun- Services, grant income has of try, CUSU’s main purpose – providing services and repre- The existence of Cambridge late been much reduced and I was appalled to read that Can I just say that I really University has one unfortu- the establishment is now the perpetrators of one of the enjoyed last week's feature sentation for the University’s 18,000 students – has been nate effect on the historic threatened with closure at most brainless crimes of our about the people who define blunted, either by the inaction of its elected officers, or the city centre. People are drawn some point during the next time turn out to be Cambridge University in disinterest displayed by so many of their members. here from all over the world year. The centre could be Cambridge students (Varsity 2006. I hope that it graces When the politicised bickering of CUSU Council has and the colleges, given the saved for about £25,000 - News, 20th January). Surely it the pages of Varsity again in exacerbated this inactivity, the CUSU Executive have been existence of the capitalist sys- that's about one-ten-thou- is to be hoped that the young the not too distant future. criticised for not doing enough for students, or enough of tem, inevitably charge in rent sandth of the total wealth of men responsible for mailing Only next time, could you anything. Last term, Varsity stated that Laura Walsh seemed what the market will bear! the colleges and university; the hamster are sent down - please call it something like curtailed in her efforts to change this. Clearly, she is now Most of you come from non- or, to put it another way, if if not for their senseless act “These people are better than trying to do so. Whilst this has caused anger amongst some privileged backgrounds your- every student and Fellow in of wanton cruelty then at YOU”. I think a title of this selves - contrary to popular the whole university gave least for their practical sort would emphasise of her colleagues, we should not be blind to this fact. myth - and, of course, know just two pounds, the centre demonstration that they are Varsity’s important contribu- There is a strong case for the restructuring proposed by this all too well when you could be saved for the fore- not bright enough to grace a tion to dispelling the stereo- Walsh and some of her colleagues. Many agree that a full- come to pay your college bills seeable future. nursery school, let alone a type of Cambridge as an elit- time sabbatical Women’s Officer detracts focus from other every term. Parson’s Court is situated university. ist and self-obsessed institu- campaigns, and weighs the Women’s campaign with dis- For elderly people who live in the small passage on the Moreover, whilst the pair tion. proportionate resources. However, it must not be forgotten in Cambridge suburbia and right-hand side of the Corn claim to have expressed their that women are underperforming and under-represented who come, maybe once or Exchange. I am sure that stu- remorse, their flippant com- Yours faithfully, at all levels of this University. The work done by the twice a week, to shop in the dents who would like to ments about the role of the Women’s Officer remains vital in this respect, yet many city centre and meet friends briefly drop in to say hallo to RSPCA in investigating ani- Average Joe of the same age and low customers and to make some mal abuse, as well as the Trinity College female students still feel detached from their union. income, it is difficult to find contribution to the centre's Crown Prosecution Service, Perhaps, then, Walsh’s belief in the urgent need for a ref- anywhere where a cup of tea finances would, although of a who can be praised in this Dear Sir, erendum on the position’s future is well placed. Present and a snack are affordable different age, be very warmly instance for bringing crimi- disquiet at her neglect to consult the executive disguises any more. This is because the welcomed. nals to justice, lead the read- I am resisting the temptation the fact that this debate, like many others, has often been rents charged on the city And do ask your college er to wonder just how sorry to comment on the Varsity discussed, restricted to the higher echelons of CUSU centre premises of cafes by Chaplains and your Tutors to these young men are. Power (sic) 100 for the simple bureaucracy for too long. the various colleges, to which support this charitable cause Clearly the kind of people reason that nobody else has. The motions emanating from DPC have been heavily you all belong, inevitably too - it will be very good for who would post a hamster in criticised for the same lack of consultation. However, pro- have to be passed on partly “Town-Gown” relationships an envelope belong in some Yours faithfully, to their customers. here! kind of institution, but is it posals on this scale, effectively re-defining the way the The Parsons Court drop-in the University of Cambridge? David Marusza CUSU Executive should work, not only require extensive centre for elderly people, Yours faithfully, Corpus Christi College research but also widespread consultation. open between 10 and 3 every Anonymous A streamlining of the Executive should only be proposed weekday, offers food and William Hutton Letters may be edited for if doing so would enable CUSU to provide a more efficient drink at prices which those of space and style service, whilst at the same time ensuring specifically the limited income can afford representation of all those that it purports to speak and campaign for. Dear Sir, The secretive manner in which the request for central I wrote only because I had in the midst of his usual cat- heard that, after Mr. erwauling. I have even heard University funding was handled by Walsh, Jennifer Cooper I was surprised to see myself Galloway spoke at a London (unconfirmed rumours) that and Drew Livingston has created an even bigger furore. As in your article about George school with no previous his- he will be staying in the an issue which has enormous political and financial impli- Galloway's imminent appear- tory of problems, a pupil was Hotel Felix, but this time cations for college unions, the opinion of college union ance at the Cambridge Arts called a “dirty Jew” in her please do check before print- presidents should have been the first foundation upon Theatre (Varsity News, 20th common room. The head of ing anything... which the proposal was grounded. January). As nice as it is to sixth form later apologised, Nonetheless, CUSU’s current funding structure is in a appear in such a prominent saying that Galloway should Yours faithfully, sorry state of confusion. That a college union which has publication, I was disappoint- not have been invited disaffliated is no longer required to pay an affiliation fee, ed with inaccuracies in the because of the extremely Samuel Green article, referring as it did to negative effect that he had Trinity College despite the fact that their students would still be entitled to me as “Cambridge Jewish had on the school’s atmos- Ex-President of CUJS all CUSU services, is unfair and illogical. That a college Society President,” a position phere. Because Galloway is union which seeks to cut its political ties with CUSU is yet I have not held for over a due to speak here from a solo able to receive considerable benefit from the very institu- year, and rather unfair on the platform with little space for Letter of the tion from which they have attempted to distance them- incumbent pair in charge. debate, I was concerned and Week wins selves is similarly so. The current structure enables free- Of slightly more concern felt that I should bring this a specially loading - this must change. was your suggestion that my incident to the attention of contact with the Arts Theatre the theatre's management. selected bottle However, an articulate request could surely be put to from our both CUSU Council and to the University, proposing that about the visit was part of Fortunately,I no longer “one coordinated campaign”. think there is much danger of our Union’s funding be made up of both central contribu- friends at Letter of the This is not at all the case, as the man being taken serious- Cambridge Wine tions and college affiliation fees. What CUSU provides for the reporters would have ly. Perhaps we can expect individuals as individuals should come from central contri- found had they contacted further feline impressions Merchants, butions. What it provides its members as collegiate affili- Week me. upon his visit to Cambridge King’s Parade ates should be covered by the college fee. This would pro- vide CUSU with a guaranteed income, whilst ensuring that the threat of disaffiliation by college unions, and the lever- age exercised therein, remains sufficiently real. “I didn’t laugh, simply because it wasn’t funny” Consultation is ideal, but a realistic prospect of progress is necessary. The CUSU Executive and college representa- The Anonymous Student tives on CUSU Council must give change a chance. This Week: The snobbery of Cambridge English

Healthy Mentality hen I arrived in applied to study English, taking the paper, it emerged amusing quip that was greeted Cambridge, a doe-eyed because I enjoy reading. that we were in fact expected by snorts of laughter. One par- Varsity whole-heartedly supports the campaign to save the WEnglish student, I was However. it concerns me to study not one play, but at ticularly hysterical student in Cambridgeshire Young People’s Service. Our in-depth greeted by a fellow fresher that a course so inherently least three a week. front of me turned around like report has made clear why such specialised services who confided that she had just artistic is based on such a sci- Now, English students are Linda Blair to check that I had should continue to play a key role in the provision of read the entire Bible. For entific procedure of reading, vilified more than any for their got the ‘joke. Yes, I got it. I mental health care for students and young Cambridge res- pleasure. Disconcerted by this where one is expected not to sparse attendance at lectures. understood the tenuous textu- idents. exchange, I meandered to my delve into the depths of a few Most lectures themselves, al reference. I didn’t laugh sim- The experiences detailed in our student case studies first English meeting where my great works but to speed however, are hardly an attrac- ply because it wasn’t funny. In tutor greeted me with the flip- through them all and tick the tive prospect. The vast majority fact, it’s never funny. show that adequate and appropriate care can enable peo- pant enquiry: “I assume you boxes. The constant attitude of that I have attended have con- I feel my complacency to my ple to regain fulfilling lives, and that the YPS has proved have read the Bible?” Now “well, you should have read it” sisted of the speaker not so studies is bettered only by the successful in achieving this central aim. In a city where 25 why assume that? Do they is all too rife; there is too high much lecturing as effectively complacency of some of my per cent of the population are students, it is vital that such now select students not on a level of intellectual snobbery reading out, yet again, an essay supervisors. During only my specialised care remains on hand. aptitude but on the number of to maintain. penned twenty years ago. No first few weeks here, one Services have to be financially viable, but in this case it scriptural maxims one can Before arriving here, I wonder they often sound as revealed to me that she hadn’t is questionable whether short-term cost-cutting measures recite? laughed on hearing that I bored as the students. marked my essay because, as would result in long-term gain. Combating psychiatric My essential gripe about the would be studying a different Well, perhaps not all the stu- she herself proudly stated, “I problems at a young age can help people turn their lives English course is the assump- Shakespeare play every week: dents. After all, if reading all ate four times my own body- tion that, due to your presence surely this was hardly enough the books ever written is fun, weight in pasta and fell asleep around. If the welfare of students and young people with here, you have read a frighten- time to gain even the slightest it’s even more fun to show off instead.” Now, for all the books mental health problems in Cambridge is to be maintained, ing amount of books. I have understanding of such works. your knowledge. Last week, a one has ever read, try to then the YPS must continue. read books: that is why I When I eventually came to lecturer mumbled a mildly explain how that’s possible. 14 Varsity Lifestyle 27.01.06 27.01.06 Lifestyle Varsity 15

girl sits alone in a café. She is not surround- ed by an attentive man or a gossiping group CATWALK REPORT Aof girls. She is not chattering into her mobile phone or buried in her laptop computer. Her guard is down. But this is not a lonely, vulnerable picture.

She is a Giacometti sculpture, powerful in her soli- If you only have one item in your TODA HERE he Fall/Winter 2006 collec- fect for frequent Cambridge tude. How many of us can honestly say that we are make-up bag this term, make sure it’s tions just shown in Milan black tie events. Burberry’s this girl? a MAC Lip Pencil in Spice. Perfect for Thave set not only new designer, Christopher Bailey, Co-dependence is force-fed down our throats shaping or filling in the lip, it will trends, but new standards for showed that bobble hats, chain from early childhood. Films tell stories of the transform your pout from limp and men’s fashion. A newly sophisti- belts and dandified pinstripe Hollywood fairy tale, which inevitably unites man lifeless to positively kissable. cated, tailored style is in vogue, suits can work together, so stu- and woman. Songs inform us of how the end of with designers such as Raf dents should forget the tradition- love means the end of happiness. However, it’s just Simons completely reinventing al split between casual lec- not convincing me… the yardstick by which turewear and formal hall black Do you think that this girl in the café just became menswear is judged. A combina- tie and indulge in a little individ- that way overnight? It seems more likely that experience has taught her that it is naive to rely Chuck out last season’s shades of purple tion of innovation and respect ualistic fusing of styles. As for and blue and fatten up your lashes with for traditional styles has created colour, the softer browns and solely on others for her contentment. Perhaps for fter the excesses of the tormented soul, it makes very and drown in butter, not to men- the New Year, we can reinforce this concept in our Max Factor’s 2000 Calorie Mascaras in eminently pioneering yet wear- burgundies applied to everything weeks leading up to good economical and ecological tion game, which is available lives. I propose that we diet this year not only with Black. Think thick and lustrous with- able styles, and ones that the from formalwear to duffel coats, AChristmas, not to mention sense. Like prisoners confined to a plucked, eviscerated and beheaded our food, but also with our love lives. out the clogs – just what you need for men of Cambridge should soon with smatterings of purple in the the week following, most people, if windowless cell, with no clue as to from the fish stall. Game is under- So what kind of diet to choose? In very extreme making eyes at that formal swap fittie. be sporting. accessories, were the perfect in the habit of making such things, whether it is night or day, we live used and excellent meat, lean and cases, perhaps a fast is necessary. This would Raf Simons’ first menswear visual foils to the geometric, resolve to usher in the new year in a culture with no understanding full of flavour, very cheap, and in involve completely giving up even the mildest of collection for Jil Sander has the monochrome patterns of the with more discipline regarding of what is being harvested when, no way complicated to cook. For a flirtations. Most food fasts last only a week at most, makings of fashion legend. This shirts. what they ingest. Detox, diet: and accordingly pay a high price month by month guide to what’s so set yourself a similar limit. Relish the increased was an important outing for At Burberry the collection was these words fill me with a crashing for our ignorance; this is why so being harvested, visit the website amount of free time! If giving up food for a short Simons, who was hired to head made in the details. The oxblood sense of gloom. much of our fresh produce is now of the British Food Trust at time detoxifies the body, giving up men could the label after Sander quit for the cummerbunds hit the right note As with prohibition in America, imported from countries in the www.greatbritishkitchen.co.uk. detoxify the heart and help us repair any damage White Rabbit Milk Candy is THE second time due to a dispute between formal and cavalier and it seems that the true profiteers are southern hemisphere at great To get started, why not try our that may have occurred in the last year. Remember that after a complete fast, it is impor- chewy treat to have floating around in with Prada, who owns the brand. the bronzed brocade trench coat not the poor souls putting them- expense. One can support British on-line recipe for pigeon with your purse. Slip this creamy snack in A graduate in industrial design, proved the perfect mix of aristo- selves through hell to feel better in farmers while preventing the high- Jerusalem artichokes salad (pic- tant slowly to reintroduce food to your diet, so it is essential that the same be done with men. Eye someone else’s pocket to spread the Simons has an eye for form that cratic luxury and originality. As body and soul, but the mob which ly pollutant air miles clocked up by tured above). This is very quick sweetness. Go on, fall down the rabbit has twisted the conventional at Jil Sander, the tight calf contact represents fruit juices – not real food but creates low-fat (though super-salt- one midwinter aubergine. and simple, and looks beautiful, containing enough sugar content to take the edge hole! Available at the Chinese super- image of man into a new shape. reigned, confirming that fashion ed) alternatives to the ubiquitous Secondly, to nourish your the red and brown of the pigeon market on Mill Road. (in the women’s ranges too) has off. Then allow yourself to flirt. Like your fruit and ready meal, writes diet guides, and exhausted body, it’s healthy to eat complimenting the white and vegetables, this should not be restricted, so enjoy it The broad, boxy shoulders of decreed that the shapelessness of generally makes us feel we should seasonally, and especially delicious green salad.

Jil Sander AW06 in unlimited quantities. the jackets, combined with skin- last summer’s boho-chic is gone, suffer months of miserable food for at this time of year. As my grand- The fishmonger in the Market If this all seems like a bit too much, maybe it is ny tailored trousers and white and designers are making a move a few days of festive cheer. mother, who nurtured a truly Square (Tuesdays to Saturdays) is time simply for a man-diet, which would involve shirts were the recurring themes back to tailoring. Instead, we should be making superlative kitchen garden used to currently selling wood pigeons for avoiding those men that are obviously bad for you of the collection. The restrained, By merging prints and unusu- positive resolutions, which fill us say, vegetables taste all the better two pounds each. Do remember (convicted killers, married men, alcoholics (more A light smattering of NARS Blush sombre colour scheme of black al accessories with suits, students with hope and excitement for our for a touch of frost. that these pigeons have nothing in difficult to avoid in Cambridge, I know), stalkers above each cheekbone will refresh Y and white complemented by can adhere to dress codes while next jaunt around the sun. My aim To get your own piece of the common with their larger urban and anyone who is in a band, to name but a few. and revitalise your complexion even muted greys and beiges was retaining some individuality. In this year is to make a proper com- action, head down to Market relatives, and are cleaner and Think about the fact that a varied diet is a healthy after a hardcore night at Cindy’s. matched with shiny, futuristic the Prada collection, animal mitment to eating both seasonally Square, whose stalls are heavy healthier than most chickens. diet. Personality is the equivalent of carbohydrates fabric to create a look that prints featured highly, from coats and locally. This is a good thing for with delicious tubers to roast, – you may think you can cut them out, but it is glanced to the legacy of Jil and shirts to bags and the furred many reasons. Firstly, to calm your mash, soup, or simply boil gently Jackson Boxer never good for you. He may look like Matthew Sander herself and to the future helmets that were the most eye- McConaughey when you bump into him in of the brand. catching feature of the show. Cindies, but the novelty factor will quickly fade if The juxtaposition of the nar- This war-like determination to his banter is confined to the intricacies of disman- row trouser leg, wrinkled at the get back to primitive essentialism tling a computer or how big his ‘guns’ are. Always bottom with a curiously child- reflects Prada’s backstage battle avoid the emotionally unavailable. They are the like charm, sometimes coupled cry, entitling the selection ‘men’s < diet Cokes of the dating scene – seemingly harm-

with oversize, wide coats, con- forbidden dreams’. Grey cardi- less, but never leaving you fully satisfied and never TOMORROW GONE as good as the real thing. Yes, it was a good trasted determinedly with the gans and slim black ties met the The problem with all kinds of dieting, though, is movie, and yes, you suave, tailored, adult mono- remnants of a rawer barbarian- that the things that are bad for us always taste may fancy yourself chrome finish. There were more ism, in the bulky leather gloves FOOD better. If we spend some time on our own, as Regina George, plays on tradition with the neck and dark balaclavas. There was a though, we might have a chance to become that but quoting Mean of the sweaters following a thinly veiled evocation of vio- girl in the café. Then we will be strong enough Girls is so 2005.

Burberry AW06 curved line. lence tempered by suits, which not to require external validation and will be When you say “I'm The clean lines of the over- hints at Prada’s interpretation of able to cope with whatever beautiful disaster sorry that people coats were reminiscent of the the current state of the world. > LIAISONS are so jealous of next comes our way. Jenny Stocks Simons staple, the cape and the The cropped trousers with tags me... but I can't highly polished shoes reflected at the ankle intimated the start help it that I'm so the elegance and attention to of a new silhouette at Prada. The popular,” you have detail that characterized this col- jacket sleeves were also often GOT to realise that lection. Raf Simons has rewritten shortened so that jumper and people aren’t jeal- and remodelled the physical shirt sleeves protruded. In ous... they just don’t shape of men’s fashion and the Prada’s Miu Miu line too, like you. And who silhouette of a man, in a way cropped trousers and sleeves cre- can blame them? which will be important for ated a futuristic, boxy style but menswear beyond Fall 2006 and with overlong cardigan sleeves. into the future. There was more quirky experi- The move towards ‘grown-up, mentation with shaggy fur bags Boys in skinny jeans make one long dressed-up’ continued in the and studded belts; the combina- for the day when “how’s it hanging?” Burberry collection. With the tion of tailoring and edgy style was a rhetorical question. collection’s muse identified as created an eclectic, bespoke the Duke of Windsor, the image, which exactly suited the emphasis on archetypal English current progressive, directional formality of dress was marked, attitude of Milan. but with the necessary modern take to bring it up to date - per- Fiona Walker Doyle The Van of Life. Watching Cambridge students scoffing down greasy food in tuxedos is just too post-post-modern.

And here’s one for the boys – use Head and Shoulders Shampoo at your peril! No, it doesn’t smell nice and no, it won’t keep your scalp clean. The male population are often reluctant to wash their hair at all (yuck!) so get hold of a more natural shampoo. Original Source Mint and Tea Tree Shampoo is renowned for creating < SHOOT a cool tingling sensation when massaged into the hair.

Allegra Kurer

Just been dumped by your boyfriend/girlfriend for wearing the wrong eyeliner? We know how it feels.

For Beauty and Fashion advice email Ask Allegra at Styling – Susannah Wharfe, Hair – Reeds, Photography – www.andysimsphotography.com Siobhan wears pink sleeveless tee, £100, pink cardigan, £147, [email protected] Waxy cropped trousers, £75 all at Fiorella. Owen wears jeans, £29 at Zara; pink polo shirt, £55, grey striped jumper, £60, both by Reeves; black pea coat,

Miu Miu AW06 £88 at Gap. 16 Varsity Arts 27.01.06 Arts Film Music Literature Listings Why Michael Haneke’s Pete gives up crack for How to leave writer’s block Don’t miss the musical hoses: piano teachers don’t just Cambridge...for 25 min- behind, Zadie Smith-style Your guide to going out this teach scales utes week

>>page 18 >>page 19 >>page 21 >>page 23 A rough time of it? Jacqui Tedd and Liz Bradshaw talk to Rough Trade boss Geoff Travis about Churchill College, Canada, and turning down Franz Ferdinand ou might recognise this sce- be, to be a kind of community centre. ment Rough Trade has always had nario: You consider yourself to We wanted to be in the community, with its artists means that Travis has Ybe a “true” music lover; you bat- we weren’t being snobbish or elitist - developed a strong emotional attach- tle with feelings of despair and we just wanted to serve the local peo- ment to many of the bands he’s bewilderment. Each time you switch ple and really introduce them to lots worked with. He appears genuinely on the radio, flick through a music of good music.” saddened when talking about how magazine or take a peep at the latest The shop soon became a cult Pete Doherty, one of his more recent offerings on Top Of The Pops, you are favourite. “Part of the fun of running talents, has “blown it”. He believes confronted with reams of manufac- a shop is being a detective and track- that the Libertines did have the poten- tured, talentless acts. Acts that would ing down interesting things. We tial to “join the pantheon” of bands, to test the most fervent consumer servic- started importing things from America which the likes of the Smiths belong. es manager’s confidence in their like the first Talking Heads singles, “We love him, but he is the most frus- mantra of “the customer knows best.” Iggy Pop bootleg singles. That’s what trating human being on the planet,” Then your faith is restored. The made the shop special.” Travis sighs. Smiths are played at a party, your The ethos the shop embodied and More positively, he is clearly excited friend lends you the Arcade Fire’s the scene that grew up around it had a about recent Rough Trade successes album, or you read in the paper that profound influence on the direction like Arcade Fire and Antony and the Antony and The Johnsons won the that Travis’ career was about to take. Johnsons, although he despairs at the Mercury Music Award. Geoff Travis, He found himself at the centre of a lack of mainstream press coverage the founder of the Rough Trade record movement that was just about to take latter have been able to command in label, can be thanked for such musical the world by storm: punk. Mick Jones publications such as NME compared to remedies, preventing us from becom- was amongst the regular visitors to the some of their peers. ing comatose victims of dire music shop, a friendship that has lasted from Travis famously turned down the syndrome. the early days of the Clash to the pair’s opportunity to sign Franz Ferdinand. As a result of Travis’ honed ear for recent mutual involvement with the To him, they seem to reflect a broader brilliance, his record shop and label problem with the contemporary have brought innovative, unique music scene. “We went to see them bands to our attention for decades. and thought they were very “We never think ‘yeah they can be good, but they just leave big,’ we just think what effect they us a bit cold. They just have on us; do we love it? It’s a bit seemed a bit soul- nostalgic - you need to have that same “ less, really, and I THE JURY’S OUT feeling that you had when you were think to be hon- fifteen and heard a Beatles single.” ON WHETHER est they are a bit It was this instinct that famously led soulless. I sup- Travis to sign the Strokes after hearing THAT WAS THE pose the jury’s just 15 seconds of their Modern Age EP still out on played over the telephone from New BIGGEST MISTAKE whether York. that was Such anecdotes are plentiful in a IN MUSICAL the career fuelled by hard work, an ongo- biggest ing passion for music and a healthy HISTORY mistake dose of luck. After a brief, unhappy in stint at teaching (he liked the kids but musi- hated the staff), Travis decided to cal stake his future on the reliability of his histo- local public transport system: “One ry.” day I was at the bus stop and I said to ”Libertines. The shop’s reputation led a myself one of those silly things - ‘if the number of bands to directly petition bus doesn’t come in five minutes, Travis to stock their records. It was at then I’m leaving.’” The bus didn’t this stage that Travis and his co-work- show up. The next day he was in ers decided to set up their own Canada. distribution network, which would At Cambridge, Travis was heavily also supply left-wing journals that involved in acting, and after graduat- weren’t widely available at the time. ing from Churchill, one of his first They set up regional networks, with plans was to set up a theatre company like-minded people such as Tony with the aim of teaching sexual poli- Wilson at Factory Records, to provide a LISOGORSKA MARIA BY ILLUSTRATION tics to teenagers in a more accessible structure for new bands that didn’t way. require them to come to London. After leaving teaching, he went to One day a young man swaggered Montreal to visit his old drama into one of Travis’ distribution venues teacher, and then on to Toronto and thrust a tape into his hand. The where he ended up spending a sum- man was Johnny Marr, and the tape mer working in a health food shop. A was ‘Hand in Glove’. The Smiths chance romantic encounter turned signed to Rough Trade and both par- into a jaunt across America, hitch-hik- ties made their name. When Travis ing from Chicago to San Francisco. confronted with Alan McGee’s claim is an indi- Along the way, he accumulated 400 that the Libertines are the most cul- vidual, who has records, which a friend suggested he turally significant band he’s ever been able to com- Y AE ON BASED A have shipped back to London to sell. worked with, Travis opts instead for bine his lust for This idea instantly appealed, and upon the Smiths, and it’s clear they hold a music and his belief in his return he set up shop in the special place in his heart. What he his own musical taste to Lambeth area. could never have guessed back then, generate a highly success- A

The philosophy behind the shop he says, was the extent to which they ful business that still serves PHOTO was inspired by Lawrence would come to hold a place in so a community of music lovers Ferlinghetti’s beat poetry bookshop in many other people’s. “All we knew many years after he initially San Francisco where “you could go in, was that they were really thrilling - set up shop. “We know what BEN BY sit in the basement, have a cup of cof- perplexing, maybe, but I think that is we like and I think that is fee and read. Nobody would chuck really the genius of Morrissey and the secret of Rough Trade JONES you out until closing time. That was Johnny.” and why we are still here part of the way I wanted the shop to The high level of personal involve- today.” 27.01.06 Arts Varsity 17 DMWELCH ADAM leanna is a really interesting play to do “Oin a university con- text,” says director Osh Jones. It’s a play that’s guaranteed to provoke audiences at the ADC So touching next week, as its theme is (per- haps dangerously) close to home. John, a middle-aged, pater- nalistic professor, tries to help Sarah Wilkinson finds her feet tapping Carol, a struggling student. She perceives his actions to be sexu- al harassment and her com- plaints eventually cost him his

LUESCHNEIDER/CANTABPHOTOS.COM CLAUDE job, his house, and possibly his wife. But this is no simple diatribe directed at the modern world from behind the ramparts of an ivory tower. What makes Olean- na so interesting is its extreme even-handedness. As Lydia Wilson (left), who plays Carol, says, “I don’t think either of the characters are wrong within their separate spheres.” John believes that his actions in helping Carol are without sexual content. Carol believes herself under attack by the misogynistic education sys- tem typified by John. Either could be right, and it is up to the Power Play audience to decide. At the first performance, four Harvard professors stood up and booed Carol. When the play was Ed Blain talks to the team last put on in London, the audi- Oleanna ence cheered John at the end. and cast behind There is certainly a tendency among audiences to see the play as an attack on “political correct- American speech, just as Harold cussion, and because we’re pre- ness gone mad,” and to back the Pinter does in Britain. senting two very strong argu- well-intentioned professor. But does the American set- ments, the audience reaction is Will Jones and his cast play it ting reduce the relevance of the going to vary every night.” this way? They claim to be play? Not according to Jones, The actors both clearly impartial, but I’m sure I could who believes that “the relation- believe in their characters, but it sense some student solidarity ship in the play is very pertinent remains to be seen whether a with the vulnerable Carol. “It in a Cambridge setting where Cambridge audience will sym- would be great to get a cheer professors are regularly closeted pathise with a traditional aca- from about four people for my with students”. Though set in demic or with an insecure but character” says Luke Roberts America, the culture Oleanna forceful student. f, as John Dryden asserted, “dancing is the poet- reographed by Kai Er Eng). There is no obvious link (above, right), playing John. comments upon is now com- They may not have much ry of the foot,” then I am certain that Touch is one to the central theme here, but the choreography is “Then those four would be mon to much of the West. choice in the matter. Lydia Iof the most eclectic fusions of rhythm, form and fresh, the music is exhilarating (taken from Cirque whacked on the back of the The director and his cast cer- Wilson freely admits that she style in the contemporary dance canon. Oscillating du Soleil) and the dancers look as though they are head by the row behind.” tainly don’t expect the supports Carol’s point of view, between break dancing and ballet, Spanish and having fun. The ‘three-stacked roll’ - in which Despite his reservations, he American accents to be a cush- and she hopes the audience will street, the stage is ablaze with noise, colour and three dancers simultaneously flipped over whilst promises to stick up for ‘his’ side ion between the audience and too. “I’m scared” she says, “I’m kaleidoscopic action as dancers attempt to tear seated like Lego on top of one another - was, per- of the argument. the action. “I really hope I don’t scared I’m going to turn round through their private spheres and reach out to one haps the most original movement in the entire per- David Mamet is famous for get any of the usual non-com- and shout at the audience if another – quite literally, to touch. Though largely formance. his masterful use of the mittal ‘Oh, that was great’ com- they go against me.” underdeveloped and inconsistent, the thematic link Originality of steps is perhaps the hindering fac- American idiom. He can create ments in the ADC bar,” says Oleanna is on at the ADC from connecting the dances, “the celebration of the con- tor in many of the pieces, with the numerous inter- poetry out of everyday Jones. “The play demands dis- Wednesday 1st February tact of human bodies” as the programme notes tell ludes being the worst culprits for repetitiveness and us, is vividly apparent in a few pieces of notable sheer lack of imagination. originality. However, the standard of dance on the opening Down by the River, (choreographed by Maggie night remained consistent throughout, with some Shrew’s slapstick comedy strug- best friend Robert (Jonathon Hurwitz) is an interesting and beautifully under- performances worthy of professional London gled to synergise with the Lis) through their five year long stated exploration of the human need for spiritual dance schools. Jennifer Hersh, in particular, articu- View thought-provoking extra-textu- affair and progresses retrospec- connection. Though perhaps not the most varied of lated her flamenco piece – Solea (choreographed by al scenes. Alex Spencer Jones’ tively so that the play ends with pieces in terms of movement range, the subtle Diana Fransen, Felipe Cantaba and Jennifer her- from the black-and-white Shakespearean the affair’s inception. The com- expression of musical lyrics and the strong recur- self) - with brilliant precision, whilst Kai Er Eng spectacle was not as different bination of strained conversa- rent leitmotif allows the dancers to command the moved with mellifluous grace through Tzo Zen gods from Adam Lenson’s Sondheim tion and stark lines made for a stage with a power and energy that exudes even in Ang’s piece, Territories. Ben Jammin’ and TrubL review as might have been tension that saw the audience their moments of unified stillness.The way in Roc were also notable for their sheer skill and atti- expected; it had all the bombast responding with bursts of which the dancers refrain from contact until the tude in Catch (choreographed by TrubL Roc.) of musical theatre, which was at laughter at its release, as well as very end ensures that the pained isolation is sus- Visually stimulating from beginning to end, times distracting. Whereas The reverent horror at its intensifi- tained until the last possible moment. As Jennifer Touch has the capability to reawaken interest in the Shrew pulled us in different cation. The greatest destabiliser Hersh lays her hand on Sinead Boughey’s shoulder, Cambridge dance scene. With an obvious enjoy- directions, (perhaps appropriate for the audience was the bold a connection is at last established and the recogni- ment emanating from the enthralled audience, in such a problem play), Marry decision to have multiple tion of shared worlds finally occurs. With the help however, and a fantastic range of choreography to Me a Little consistently por- Emmas, which raised as many of magically evocative lighting, the quartet of girls revel in, it would be rewarding to see the dancers trayed the depressing ordinari- pleasing dimensions as it did in Part I manage to capture the introspective heeding Lord Byron’s advice when he commanded, ness of city life with adept char- troubling problems to the pro- atmosphere of solitary prayer perfectly and create a “On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined.” A few acterisation from Becky duction. silence in their movements despite the pervasive smiles here and there never go amiss. Hutchinson and James Smoker. Cambridge University music. We knew where we were Contemporary Dance In total contrast to this piece stands Mirko (cho- Touch is the ADC Mainshow until Saturday. with Sondheim and we enjoyed Workshop’s Touch stamps down where The Shrew wanted to its dance-shoed authority from put us, with both the delights beginning to end, challenging one of the most inaccessible Participation is the perfect and problems of the latter stem- the audience to sit up and Jo Trigg art forms in twenty-first centu- exercise, not being just anoth- The Varsity Elect Pass ming from a playful irreverence watch. The decision to avoid ry culture. er workout requiring steely Judgement for the text. While we doubt physical contact until the show wants you to Scientists say body language willpower and a consistent Shakespeare was turning in his was well under way encour- constitutes 55% of our com- reminder that this loathsome grave, it may be that being long aged the audience to consider dust off your munication, but dance has effort is beneficial to your With Hermione Buckland- dead puts playwrights at an itself as the object being become far removed from health. How else could you Hoby and Nico Phillips advantage when it comes to the touched. dancing shoes what we feel we can decode. express artistry and musicality playfulness with which directors Of all the week’s shows, the Contrary to what some may and still claim to be doing approach texts. There’s no jok- demands made on the audience believe, dancing does not exercise? reakfasting on ambrosia ing when it comes to the recent by improvised comedy group, require an understanding of its So why is dancing not more the other morning (being Nobel-prize winner Pinter with ICE, in Whose ICE was it any- ‘language’. Dance is constantly popular? A salsa class with Bgods and all), and musing Betrayal on this week at the way? were the most pre- ancing. We all do it. Sort evolving and you make it friends could replace a pub over the past week’s theatrical Corpus Playroom. This kind of dictable. The performers ener- of. It might take inebria- what it is. visit. Watching cutting-edge endeavours, we were impressed drama always finds it harder to gised a willing audience Dtion, Cambridge cheese, There are plenty of ‘lan- contemporary dance might that genres as diverse as win over an audience; since our although their ‘zany’ sugges- and the consolatory observa- guages’ to choose from. Tap add variety to theatre visits. Shakespeare and improvised role is less defined we wonder if tions started to grate. The show tion that you’re not the only and jazz might appeal for their What’s your excuse? comedy could all enjoy full and we’re allowed to find it funny was most impressive when the one who moves like a drunk- energy; flamenco and Indian committed audiences. as well as tragic. The play charts performers collaborated, quite a en duck with two left feet, but as a window onto another cul- Although extremely well- the betrayal of Jerry (Owen feat given that for some it was at some point every one of us ture; ballet for its aesthetic executed, The Taming of the Holland) by his wife Emma and their first time. has done it. Dancing is one of beauty; and contemporary to For information on dance classes the most accessible activities of rival the abstract depths of go to www.varsity.co.uk our generation. But it is also modern art. for first night reviews go to www.varsity.co.uk 18 Varsity Arts 27.01.06 Michael Haneke BARLOW MICHELLE

Ed King looks at the work

THE CLASSICAL of a truly modern director COLUMN JAMES DRINKWATER ichael Haneke is often thorough exploration of these cally use modernist cinematic ing space’. Violence remains work so well with the aesthetic described as one of a themes. It tells the story of 14- techniques to foreclose the elusive and is never given easy weight of stars loaded with IN REVIEW – Handel Israel in Mdying breed of ‘contro- year-old Benny who spends his possibility of traditional audi- psychological explanations. connotation, like Juliette Egypt, CU Chamber versial’ directors. His films - life locked in his bedroom, sur- ence experiences of empathy Having styled himself as one Binoche or Daniel Auteuil. Choir/David Lowe, 21st from low-budget art-house rounded by screens and editing and pathos. For example, as in of the last true modernist direc- However, despite risking his January: Even beyond the var- movies made in Austria equipment, his experience of Hidden, the spectator is often tors - positioned in opposition message, Haneke’s films never ious meteorological and zoo- through the 90s to more high- the outside world mediated only retrospectively aware to the likes of Tarantino - fail to question the ethical logical word-paintings in this profile films made in France through the aestheticized vio- that the sequence just viewed Haneke’s recent move towards dimension of spectatorship, Exodic choral oratorio, since Code Unknown in 2000 - lence of action movies and TV was part of a film within the mainstream may come as a challenging cinema’s reduction Handel’s harmonic and textural seem to have retained the reportage of the war in Bosnia. film, rather than the actual surprise. His practice of distanc- of violence to consumer com- expression is remarkable, and power to shock. The Cannes When he meets a girl his age, diegesis. Furthermore, the ing the audience from the modity by representing it as Lowe’s careful attention to all screening of Funny Games in he takes her home, shoots her tempo of his films is slow, action, eliciting more consid- something inconsumable and aspects of sound production in 1997 caused walk-outs and The and replays the footage of the allowing the audience ‘think- ered responses, tends not to incomprehensible. this concert brought out many Piano Teacher was met by murder obsessively. However of these subtleties. Yet fore- almost unanimous rejection by all we hear are the screams of most, the chorus’s enjoyment U.S. critics. But how could the dying girl - the actual killing Jonny Ensall on Haneke’s Hidden of the literal sonority of the bib- Haneke shock today’s public, remaining always just outside lical language Handel employs of the frame. Typical of Haneke, idway through Hidden, Many shots are later revealed as his libretto (from ‘congealèd’ the emphasis is on the repre- the viewer witnesses a to have come from video- to ‘nostrils’), ensured articula- sentation of the violence and Mmoment of such visceral tapes, filmed by an tion was rarely lost, even on Benny, the spectator, as he horror that for the rest of the unidentified stalk- amongst the densest eight-part “HE TAKES HER plays the video over and over. film - and long after - it remains er, who has polyphony. Indeed, the weaker- Similarly, in Funny Games the an unsettling memory. This will been prying voiced soloists were in the HOME, SHOOTS question for Haneke wasn’t go down as one of the most jaw- into their lives. event the less intelligible, and of HER AND REPLAYS “how do I show violence” but droppingly intense few seconds The first myste- the few arias, only the “how do I show the spectator in cinematic history; compara- rious thrills in the (in)famous bass duet (‘The Lord THE FOOTAGE his position vis-à-vis the vio- ble even to the first moments of film are created by this, but is a Man of War’) really came off OF THE MURDER lence?” The film’s narrative is 1929 surrealist short, Un Chien from the start it’s pretty obvious dramatically and musically, set up as a typical Hollywood Andalou, in which a barber’s that the real voyeur is the audi- aided by Johnian chorister OBSESSIVELY thriller in which an average razor slices through a woman’s ence member, whose critical Andrew Davies’ flawless two- middle-class family on holiday eye. This earlier moment of sur- scrutiny of Anne and Georges The sickness of guilt and fear octave range, and his aptly in the Austrian countryside are realist horror was imagined in turns the tables on them as liter- may be increased by outside subversive faux gravitas. attacked and imprisoned in one of Salvador Dali’s dreams. ary critics, leaving them forces, but it stems from the hid- At times the production suf- their own home. This could be Similarly, Hidden taps into the exposed and vulnerable. den core of our personalities; fered from being too earnest, ”exposed to more extreme the synopsis of a Hollywood rich vein of fear flowing through And this is why Haneke’s from our bad dreams. especially in the more out- scenes in subplots of Hollyoaks horror film, but this is where the deepest parts of our psyche. unsettling film is so effective. By The film does not force this landish choruses: a little more than were banned from the big the similarity ends. During the More affecting than any simply turning a critical eye on point on the audience, it leaves youthful irreverence would have screen not so long ago? most violent sequences the Hollywood slasher-flick, Hidden to the complacent bourgeoisie, it to germinate and grow in compensated for the work’s Haneke leaves no doubt killers, Peter and Paul, directly is a thriller leaving you aware of and throwing in a few hints to their minds. Although there are occasionally faltering emotional over his cinematic agenda. address the camera as if the the precarious nature of living say, “I know what you did,” few satisfying answers to be drive and enhanced its delight Cinema is “an appeal for insis- spectator is an accomplice to and the guilt and sadness of their lives begin to disintegrate. found by the end of the film in sensation of many kinds. tent questions instead of false their crime. The playfulness of dealing with death. It stars The entire thing is shot careful- there is, however, the enduring Technically, though, apart from answers, for provocation and the metafictional references jar Juliette Binoche and Daniel ly, but without cinematic idea of the unspeakable made rather sedate continuo in the dialogue instead of consump- with the horror of the narrative Auteil as Anne and Georges, embellishment. There is no observable. This is the work of a recitatives, splendid; and a tion and consensus.” Nowhere as they stop half-way through two members of the Parisian lit- music, just Anne and Georges, talented, deeply intellectual great antidote to that other is this provocation more evi- the torture to remind each erary elite living a comfortable and their ways of coping with filmmaker at his very best. Cambridge vice of dent than in the recurring the- other that they need another life of mild bickering in a pretty the increasing heat of surveil- Without being overtly clever, Messiahmanie. matics of violence and specta- hour of footage to fill a feature banlieue. Yet, when we first see lance. Most interesting is the Haneke has made a film that LOOKING AHEAD - For torship. Benny’s Video, released film. them, it is not in the setting idea that what really scares us probes the self to its deepest those fortunately spared in 1992, is perhaps the most Haneke’s films characteristi- we’d expect. exists solely within ourselves. extremes. tonight from yet another Mozart Requiem (how many must we endure in a year cele- brating his actual birth, even if they do star local lark Emma Kirkby?), CUCO - tomorrow at Crossover: music for 8pm at West Road - provides us with cerebral relief in the CAROLINE WAIGHT asks if form of Berg’s Kammerkonzert for piano, the masses? crossover is the future of classical violin and 13 wind, appearing alongside the string orchestra version of Schoenberg’s rather n 1990, the classical world between pop and classical the ones that have been heavi- is the future, and the tradition- people. The music of today, more sensual Verklärte Nacht. was shaken when Pavarotti music, and that it actually ly advertised. Marketers ride al classical genre will gradually although it can be split into One’s instinct is that Iclimbed out of his swimming helps to market classical music on classical music’s reputation fade away. But classical music many genres and sub-genres, Cambridge students would pool and into the recording by bringing it to a wider audi- for being elitist and ‘difficult’ to is not a dying genre, simply will eventually go the way of better respond to the chal- studio alongside Domingo and ence. advertise their ‘Easy Listening’- because it is not a genre. everything else: it will either be lenges of the Berg than the Carreras. From that moment, Conversely, purists say that style products, but it’s not that When people refer to ‘classical forgotten or, if enough people fraught decadence of his men- The Three Tenors was born, as creating a dumbed-down sub- crossover is inherently more music,’, they are referring to still want to listen to it, be sub- tor’s farewell to Romanticism. was the marketing phenome- stitute for the real thing not ‘accessible’, it’s just that it’s the music of the relatively dis- sumed under the vast heading But musos can always surprise non known as “classical only abuses the music they constantly being pushed onto tant past, the music that has that is classical music, simply you with their hidden talents. crossover”. Since then, we love but pushes it into the us. stood the test of time, still by virtue of the passing of time. And £3 for an evening of mental have seen “the world’s first background. For many people, crossover being listened to by ordinary The proof of this particular and physical stimulation is a choir boyband” (The It is difficult to say which is pudding is in the CD shops; if tempting solicitation. Choirboys), Russell Watson, more accurate. Although clas- you’re looking for Victorian George Corbett’s reading “mainstream opera” in the sical sales are increasing (up by drawing-room ballads or eigh- of Shostakovich’s Sixth form of Il Divo, and a host of £5 million in 2003), this teenth century parlour songs, Symphony – always an unsta- other bandwagon-grabbing includes classical crossover you won’t find them in the ble alloy of pathos and cat- acts that have wrested the top sales. In any case, whether Indie section. They’ll be safely achresis – with the Cambridge spots on the Classical charts right or wrong, both these ensconced under ‘classical’ Graduate Orchestra - 3rd from more traditional perform- arguments presuppose that though they were the pop February, West Road - will ers. crossover is somehow more music of the day. hopefully capitalize on his suc- Crossover has become con- easily accessible than “pure” The artistic merits of Il Divo, cess with last term’s CUMS I troversial, all the more so classical music. the Choirboys and the like are Tchaikovsky Pathétique (a because it is such an ill-defined But is it? It’s easily accessible debatable, but setting them up work of equally divergent pas- term, covering everything from in that you can buy it in as the scourge of ‘pure’ classical sions). Meanwhile, pianist Nick relatively unchanged perform- Woolworths for £2.99, and music is a mistake. Classical Collins’ skill for combining ances of Franck’s ever-popular perhaps this is actually a perti- music has always made use of a blaze and breadth will be justly “Panis Angelicus” to specially nent point. Most people don’t wide variety of different influ- tested in the co-programmed written tracks with only tenu- have an extensive knowledge ences, and in that sense, Gershwin concerto – a true ous links to classical music. of the classical repertoire, and crossover is not a new phe- testament to the composer’s This confusion fuels both might well feel intimidated by nomenon. Traditionalists integrity, in pushing beyond the sides of the argument. Those specialised classical sections should take heart; classical populist ease of the Rhapsody in favour of classical crossover and shops. Much easier to go music is not - and never has in Blue. say that it provides a bridge for the names that you know, The Choirboys: We hope nobody pushes him off that railing been - ‘pure’. 27.01.06 Arts Varsity 19 Give Pete A Chance Despite her best efforts, Sarah Pope revels in the glory of Babyshambles WWW.JEANLUCBENAZET hey’re over an hour course of the gig. Maybe it late. The crowd are rest- was Kate that was the bad BLATHERWICK Tless, chanting “Pete, influence? Whatever the MILLI ILLUSTRATION: Pete, Pete,” while the girl in case, by the time the sublime Last term I was sorely tempted to front of me moans “how did ‘Albion’ and ‘Gangs of Gin’ go to Blondie. My friend and I this junkie become my idol?” have been sung, I doubt adore them and obsess over But you know that the “I FEEL LIKE there’s anyone in the crowd Deborah Harry’s effortless cool. minute they come on all will .COM who’s still missing Carl Barat We’d talked about going to see it be forgotten. Pete will be for- and wishing they were at a all summer. The only thing put- given for his sins, and 500 CATHOLICS Libertines gig instead. ting us off was the cost - £60MACDONALD for indie kids will begin getting I’m no Babyshambles fan, a double ticket was comparable sweaty singing along to MUST DO thinking that the genius to cheaper Cambridge balls and ‘Kilimangiro’. Doherty occasionally showed we weren’t even getting free Doherty apologises half- WHEN THEY as a Libertine rears its head drinks and pizza. What was the way through the riotous set even less frequently since he problem though? with a throwaway ‘sorry we MEET THE left the band. Their debut The minute the band launched were a bit late,’ and the mass Down in Albion is disappoint- into Atomic the idea of cost of mostly-teenaged devotees POPE ingly uneven, and tonight’s would have melted out of our don’t seem to mind being gig could be as good as it ever work-addled brains and we’d be mocked. They’re just happy gets for this shambolic taken to a Blondie heaven, full of he turned up at all. bunch. asymmetric haircuts, big cars I try to roll my eyes and Doherty faces sentencing and John Hughes movies. Finally look nonchalant when my next week for possession of after three weeks we built up to friend says “I feel like heroin and cocaine, and this go and buy some tickets. We Catholics must do when they Doherty is freed from full mini-tour could prove their were left disappointed – it had meet the Pope!” but it proves left the group a month ago. some sort of record. ”guitar-duties to concentrate swan-song. been sold out for two months. surprisingly difficult. Pete is actually singing - After the gig, Pat tells the on giving fans what are pos- Yet as they depart, leaving What I’m slowly trying to break to Babyshambles are on form, albeit occasionally with help stragglers that he doesn’t sibly the most lucid rendi- their crowd with a near-hys- you is that it’s awful when gigs and it’s hard to keep up the from a lyric sheet - and the know how long he’ll be back tions of Babyshambles songs terical rendition of their for your favourite bands are sold calm when all you want to performance is tight. They for. All he says is to “ask ever performed live, despite anthemic ‘Fuck Forever,’ I out. There’s a Smiths song in do is mosh. Pat has magically even stay on stage for over Pete.” Although his return is the fact that he drinks a bot- can only think that it would that. reappeared despite having half an hour, which must be mysterious, it’s effect isn’t, as tle of vodka during the be a strangely fitting end. Anyway, here’s my advice for how to get tickets: Nick Cave crooning at the Corn Exchange – beg. Belle and Sebastian Is this you? being twee and wearing rain- coats at the Corn Exchange – Shooting the Sacred Cow borrow. The Rakes generally being an aggressive furious mess – steal. Katie Melua… well, you’ve got essays to write and perhaps clean your room a bit. So we’re left with next to no gigs The Thames Whale spouts forth on the state of the film industry this week, which is pretty disap- pointing, so it’s time to hit the In a nation where 16 million adults teenth-century setting. All of this dancefloor and live those dreams are illiterate it is encouraging to see a could be heard fairly well. In a sense, without stars on the stage. piece of theatre where dialogue is spo- Juliet’s grave still lies in secret com- Clare Cellars have Fat ken aloud rather than splodged, munion with Gyllenhaal’s, hidden in flammable societies with lots of Poppadaddy’s on Friday (£3 ketchup-style, onto big creamy can- beneath cider trees and the inevitable barrels of brandy lying spare. In a Clare, £4 Non-Clare) night, play- vasses for punters to read at their cuckoo. notional republic I have devised, ing everything you hear at the leisure or – as might be more fre- My point is that an increasing por- human life takes place underwater. Fez on a Monday, except with quently the case – sadness. Yet direc- tion of theatre and film relies on the Tessa Jowell shouldn’t be so wet: all cheaper drinks, shorter queues tor Jake Gyllenhaal’s Brokeback Moun- living consciousness of a breathing things dissolve in time. Fires are, in and without sardine dancing. Then you’ve won a Fez tain is scarcely the first play to experi- audience, without plugging into older any case, no problem to the question King’s Cellars (£1 King’s, £2 Gold Card, entitling you to ment with audible sound-utterances. veins of thoughtfulness, or attempting of democracy – not everything would Non-King’s) have Karibdis with a year’s free entry at Friday Shakespeare frequently made audio to travel back in time. The latter idea be burnt, surely? Try selling sand to a ‘Nu Skool Breaks’ on Friday Fez for you and a friend. available to his audiences by rigging smacks to Western ears of Wellsian sandcastle: impossible. The point here night and a Motown night on up signs and platforms. Trapdoors fiction: obviously not our bag, then. is that solutions to cultural questions Saturday, meanwhile over at Bringing you the very best were used regularly during the set, Not Tessa Jowell’s, certainly. are rarely what I was thinking of at John’s on Saturday the Boiler party tunes to kick off your and woe betide anyone who stood The reasons for social change are the time. Often I am more interested Room (£2.50 John’s, £4 Non- weekend. Dancefloor tracks their part too long in the mosh-pit. complex. It is not necessarily a bad in obscure personal fantasies than John’s) presents metaflux and from hip hop to indie and old Later, Machivelli’s Robin Hood: Prince of idea to start burning down theatres sludgy socio-stuff. A life underwater Ministry of Sound’s Paul classics to current chart. From Thieves completed the collection of once a finite supply of film-ideas is offers a diverting alternative to hours Higgins, bringing electronic Outkast to New Order and century-old books by dredging kings, finally exhausted. The obstacles to spent in a flat or just soaking in the beats and funky house to the Beyonce to Blur. princes and even the dreaded textile- such a scheme are smaller than one tub: I would live in a shell, or a sea- dancefloor. to claim email [email protected] ambassador into a recognisably seven- might expect. Arson is only a problem cave more likely.

The Kooks ##### Broken Social Scene ##### Yefim Bronfman ##### Inside In/Inside Out Broken Social Scene Beethoven Piano Concertos 3 & 4

'Jackie Big Tits' and 'You once relatively traditional indie Harnoncourt in the shade. Don't Love Me', both fine pop rock sound into a Boards of The second movement of songs that the Arctic Canada-esque wash of ambi- the Concerto No. 4, is beau- Monkeys might one day ence. One particularly perni- tifully characterised, achiev- dream of writing. cious friend of mine, homing in ing atmosphere without The Kooks need to be on this aspect, declared BSS resorting to effect. The careful. Whilst their lyrics and to be ‘overproduced balls’. strings of the Zurich the ability to play their instru- And first listens to the mean- Tonhalle deserve especial "I'm a better man/moving on ments make them far superior Given the background of many dering ‘Major Label Debut’ or From the acclaimed partner- mention in what is a light, to better things" sings 19- to the blandness of bands BSS members in various the aimless R&B inflected ship of David Zinman and crisp and even texture; the year-old Luke Pritchard on such as Athlete, songs like respected, if po-faced post stylings of ‘Hotel’, seem to the Zurich Tonhalle comes music is stripped to the 'She Moves In Her Own Way', the opener 'Seaside' have a rock acts such as Godspeed support his case. another tremendous release. bone, with any fatty romanti- one of the best tracks on tendency to slide into com- and Silver Mt Zion, critics However, the sheer sonic Feted for his recordings of cism cast aside. With what in general is a superb placency. 'Seaside' relies on could be forgiven for expecting invention displayed on tracks the Beethoven and superb engineering and album. The Kooks have breathy vocals and pre- sixty-three-word song titles like the gently building wall of Schumann symphonies, and recording, this CD is a must- recently had a top 20 single dictable guitar that irritates and odes to subsisting on sound that is ‘7/4 Shoreline’, or for his sublime set of buy, and for a fiver it would and if Inside In/Inside Out is rather than captivates. Much spam in bunkers. So the alt- the raucous rock/R&B hybrid Strauss tone-poems, be churlish not to! anything to go by they should better is 'Eddie's Gun', possi- pop bliss of their ballsy second of ‘Windsurfing Nation’, com- Zinman turns his baton to Francis Letschka soon be moving on to better bly the album's best song, album, 2002’s You Forgot It In plete with a rap section by what will hopefully be the things themselves. The album which deals with that sensi- People was met with a degree Feist and K-O, evaporates first installment in a piano is something of a surprise, far tive issue of impotence. "I of suprise normally expected doubts with bursts of sunny concerto cycle. Bronfman, Interested in writing for the mellower and more melodic tried to love her back/and of a bullet in the face. Their pop. BSS’ complexity and will- the soloist, plays with such music section? Meetings than their live show might then I shrunk back into my third record is a rather different ingness to embrace a myriad clarity and style that he fully suggest. Tracks 'See The wrap" bemoans Pritchard. On prospect. of styles is as much of a deserves to be ranked are held weekly - email World' and 'If Only' are the the basis of these songs, Whereas FIIP saw overdriv- hushed ‘fuck-you’ to formulaic alongside Backhaus or [email protected] or most chaotic - the vocals whatever failures the Kooks en guitars thrust right up front indie rock as the last post-rock Wilhelm Kempf in a noble, [email protected] for strain to be heard over a might have sexually they cer- in the mix, reassuring conser- album about the coming apoc- finely defined performance more information. mesh of guitars. Far more tainly make up for musically. vative emo kids everywhere, alypse. which puts the recent pos- typical are the jaunty beats of Kate Baker here ambitious mixing turns a Was Yaqoob turings of Aimard and 20 Varsity Advertisement 27.01.06

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.addleshawgoddard.com The deadline for vacation scheme applications is February 10th 2006. Addleshaw Goddard welcomes applications from all sections of the community and believes in equality of opportunity for all. there’s a law firm that’s different? 27.01.06 Arts Varsity 21 What would Zadie do? Torsten Henricson-Bell, co-editor of The Mays, invites submissions for the annual anthology of new writing from students in Cambridge and Oxford KA

adie Smith hasn’t had it shortlist? Well, apparently apparently, topped the joy of literary agency in the country. P THERINE too hard since leaving not. seeing White Teeth, The Auto- The publication is also sup- ZCambridge. Three nov- In 1996 Smith’s The News- graph Man or On Beauty appear ported by International els and a spot of lecturing at paper Man was published, in the years that followed. Creative Management, a lead- A Harvard are an introduction followed a year later by Mrs The then final year English ing literary agency. As well as TEMAN to working life most of us Begum’s Son and the Personal student has long ceased the skyrocket that is Zadie could just about cope with. Tutor, in what was then the spending days in the wings of Smith, the careers of Jay Oh, and as she told the assem- May Anthologies. This event, the University Library. Luckily Basu, Sophie Powell and bled hoardes of students, for current students, The Mays Olivia Cole, now successful gathered to bathe in glory by How To Submit: has survived a rebranding and writers, included early success association last Friday in continues to offer the chance by being published in The King’s, she has managed all of I Deadline: Friday 3 of similar moments of author- Mays anthology. this on a daily schedule that February ial pride. Now in its Each year, the selection of doesn’t start until near mid- fourteenth year, The Mays works is carried out with the day. I Submissions may be invites submissions for this involvement of a guest editor. Luckily, the Booker-nomi- of up to three pieces year’s edition. The list of former editors nated author had pearls of I Each piece can be up The collection of poems, includes some of the out- wisdom to offer beyond the to a maximum of 5000 short stories and scripts not standing literary figures of productivity to be had from words only provides an opportunity recent times. Seamus Heaney, life-long student sleeping pat- for us to read the best that our Paul Muldoon, Philip Pullman terns. What has been Smith’s I Submissions can be peers have to offer; it also pro- and Ted Hughes have all moment of greatest pride emailed to vides a platform for aspiring taken on the role in the past. associated with her published [email protected] writers to reach a much So now it’s the chance of work to date? The instant I All work will be con- broader audience. As well as the current generation of tal- fame her début novel earned sidered anonymously being sold in Oxford, ent. We’ll offer you a national her? Being listed alongside Cambridge and London, audience. Please do consider the cream of British literary I Final decisions will be copies of The Mays are distrib- submitting your work; we are talent in this year’s Booker made in early April uted to publishers and every looking forward to reading it. Torsten co-edits Mays 14 with Juliet Lapidos and Imogen Walford

I couldn't remember drinking I stared at the ceiling, trac- gazing at the door until the tenant, the former much the night before but ing the whorls of yellow mysterious predictability of tenant...why did that thought nevertheless I still managed to plaster as I thought of her arrival that evening. A suddenly jolt my flow of wake up with my head a Sophie's yellow-blonde thousand questions: whose thought? I could remember murky cloud of dull-thump- ringlets, the gentle gradient of was the name on the ten having the keys to the apart- ing pain. It took me, as her jawline, the soft pinkness pound note? Why had she ment pressed urgently into always, twenty seconds to of her skin in the heat of the flinched like a startled mouse my hands, a week ago, by a clear my way through the fog restaurant and the warmth of at the strange man's sudden grey-faced estate agent with a and when I did, it was the candle flame. Then I arrival? pin-striped pencil skirt and a inevitably her face I saw. Why caught myself angrily. Why I got up from the sofa hasty promise of an unusual- Mary Bowers picks up the pieces had she kissed me? Was she wouldn't she leave me in the where I always slept (there ly-low rent. I scrabbled from the night before. But what hap- merely some neurotic blonde solitude of my own mind, in was something more comfort- behind the the waste paper pens now? Email your 400 words to who spent her life staring out arbitrarily kissing strangers - my own apartment? It ing in sleeping here with a red bin for the red electricity bill [email protected] by February 1st of the obscure corners of even strangers who may have angered me that even think- blanket over me than on the that had dropped through the and if we think your continuation is dingy restaurants, veiled in a been watching for a while - ing of her presence in The flea-ridden mattress that had door that morning and stared the best, we’ll print it here. haze of cigarette smoke, mut- was not the behaviour of your Archipelago below made me been left behind by the for- down at the fading biro tering to herself? But average lonely depressive. want to wait there, all day, mer tenant). The former scrawled on my hand: Avery.

In what year were you 21 What made you angry? When I was and what were you doing? Injustice and stupidity. On Beauty ##### 1970. I was reading Part II English at Trinity College, What are you ashamed of Cambridge. having done? I am ashamed Hermione Buckland-Hoby reviews Zadie that I called myself, in what- Where did you live? Neville’s ever nuanced terms, a Smith’s latest, newly released in paperback 21 Court, Trinity. Maoist. Although Mao was right about those in the What was your favourite Chinese Communist Party liberal academic, married to demic bubble very much Colin MacCabe outfit? Crushed velvet – it who wanted to choose a cap- Kiki, a black woman, with estranged from the racial and was 1970. italist road and although many whom he has three delight- social injustices and struggles of his themes about the coun- fully dissimilar teenage on its doorstep. The novel is, What were your illegal activ- try and the city are more children. The intricate and admirably, as much ‘on ities? The usual. relevant today than in 1970, satisfying plot is set in beauty’ as it is on injustice he was a vile dictator and it is motion, initially a little and identity as well as love What were you afraid of? inexcusable and shameful clumsily, by the Belseys’ eld- and betrayal. The inclusion Madness that I did not recognize that est son falling in love with of a poem by her husband, fact. the Kippses’ vile and beauti- Nick Laird, presented as that What was your most prized ful daughter. of one of her characters, possession? My complete What did you believe in? Smith’s wonderfully funny seems pretty odd, particular- set of Bob Dylan. From each according to their characters often owe their ly since the poem is abilities to each according to comic success to her immac- eponymous. Like her charac- Who were your heroes? their needs. ulate ear for vernacular; ters however, whose Jonathan Miller, Susan Levi, the youngest Belsey, extra-familial ties of love and Sontag, Ludwig Wittgenstein, What was your most politi- with a passion for hip hop reverence range from Tupac Michael Dummett, Jacques cal action? I was very active and street culture, rejects his to Rembrandt, Smith Derrida, George Best, Bob in the London Labour Party in middle class upbringing and appears to be acknowledging Dylan, William Burroughs, the period 1964 to 1966 The famous appeal of eventually leaves a job in a her indebtedness, or Germaine Greer, J.G. Ballard, including the elections of Howards End, to which Zadie record store to become an Forsterian ‘connection’, per- Doris Lessing. those years. Smith’s latest novel is an activist and street hustler.A sonal and artistic, to her open homage, is “only con- conversation between him husband, as well as her Who were you in love with? What made you cry? nect” and On Beauty is a and his father, appropriately antecedent literary heroes. As a rough rule of thumb, the Onions. deep-reaching, timely and half-way down the stairs, is Her incredible ability to last girl I had talked to, but for beautifully funny story of funny in the warmest and write with humour as well as much of that year Laura What did you hope to be? A human ‘connections’ of both best way, tenderly depicting wisdom, to go very far in MacCabe teaches English and Warner had all my heart. don. the head and the heart. The the gulf of understanding exploring the truth of people Film at Pittsburgh and Exeter Wilcox and Schlegel families between them and the and things, whilst being as Universities and produces for What music did you listen What do you wish you had of Forster’s original are father-son love and empathy entertaining as the visual Minerva Pictures. After to? The Who, Stones, known then that you know translated into the Kippses that makes this not matter. captivation of a good film graduating, he taught English at Beatles, Jefferson Airplane, now? That I lived in a coun- and Belseys, the former Whilst Howard may be the makes for the sort of the Cambridge, where he The Band, The Grateful Dead, try which was, by any headed by the Christian, intellectual centre of the novel that you read as if championed a new study of the Janis Joplin, Leonard Cohen, historical standards, unbeliev- ultra-conservative Sir book, the ‘heart’ definitely you’re a kid again – desper- history of English informed by Bob Dylan. ably egalitarian and that my Montague Kipps, a notori- resides in Kiki, who is possi- ate to get to the end and post-structuralist theory. The generation would create the ous, homophobic academic, bly the most sympathetic equally desperate for it not English Faculty's decision not to What was the most rebel- grossly inegalitarian country opposed to affirmative character I’ve ever read. to end. But the ending, offer him a tenured post resulted lious thing you did? that we now live in. action, who also happens to The fictitious Wellington when it does come in a qui- in a major controversy about the Occupied university buildings. be black. He is the profes- College at which Howard etly heart-wrenching and direction of the Cambridge Emily Stokes sional and ideological enemy teaches, prides itself on its redemptive scene is beauti- English Tripos. of Howard Belsey, a white, liberal values but is an aca- ful. 22 Varsity Advertisement 27.01.06 27.01.06 Arts Varsity 23 Pick of the Week The essential events of the next seven days... and the best of the rest

Oleanna Marat/Sade Starting at Zero: Musical Hoses Haneke Rawganics A university professor The Marquis de Sade is Black Mountain Mauricio Kagel’s bizzare Double Bill The Junction plays host to tries to help a struggling directing a play about the College, 1933-57 Acustica. Features bal- Code Inconnu/The Sway (MOBO Award student. She misunder- death of Marat. The cast loons, toys, unbelievable Winner, Best Hip Hop Act An exhibition about Piano Teacher stands him and files a are lunatics in a French experiment in the arts, record players and the 2005), Mista Jam (Hip Essential films from the complain of sexual asylum. The result should education and communi- most wonderful garden Hop MIX show, BBC1 ‘thoroughly modern’ harasssment. What fol- be an unforgettable spec- ty, including works by hose organ. Arrive early Xtra) and the 2006 UK director of Hidden, pro- lows reflects equally tacle. Meta-theatrical rev- Motherwell, de Kooning, for coffee and the Blue Beatbox Championships, filed and reviewed on badly on him, her, and olutionary craziness Leach, Rauschenberg and Moutain Exhibition. The Eastern Heat. page 18 of this week’s our politically correct cul- galore. Nolan. perfect hangover cure. ture. Varsity.

ADC, 11pm, Wed 1st February - ADC, 7.45pm, Tues 31st January - Kettle’s Yard, free entry, 28th Kettle’s Yard, Sun 29th January Arts Picturehouse, Sun 29th Sat 4th February, £5-8 Sat 4th February, £5-8 January - 2nd April 12.00pm January 12.00pm, £6.40 The Junction, Thurs 16th

Footlights Smoker Arts Picturehouse Lower City (18) 13:00, Queens’ Lecture Mammals 17:00 Peter Hitchens Building, Emmanuel What it says on the tin. A comic glimpse of the Friday 27th January Sophie Scholl (PG) 14:00 As political and diplomatic College, Tuesday 31st ADC, 11pm, £5-8 Tue 31st January real relationships "13" (Tzameti) (15) 14:00, 18:10 The Cranes are Flying (U) correspondent for the Daily January, 8pm A Cock and Bull Story (15) 13:30 between families and 12:00, 16:30, 21:00 Express the controversial jour- Henry IV friends. Jane and Kev Future Shorts (18) 23:00 Wednesday 1st February nalist Peter Hitchens covered Slade Lectures on Film Hammersby think they have Hidden (Caché) (15) "13" (Tzameti) (15) 15:00, 19:10 the fall of many Communist By Luigi Pirandello.. Tom 12:30, 15:00, 17:30, 20:00 A Cock and Bull Story (15) A Cambridge first: film histo- Stoppard’s brilliant new no secrets from each other - Lower City (18) 16:00, 20:20 13:00, 16:30, 21:10 governments. He has been rian Prof. Ian Christie pres- translation of one of the great they have kids instead. Then Sophie Scholl (PG) 14:00, 18:30 Avant Garde: Cabiria () 13:00 columnist for the Mail on Sun- The Breakfast Club (15) 12:00, Hidden (Caché) (15) ents a free annual art lecture works of Italian drama. A the weekend guests arrive. 22:40 13:30, 16:00, 18:30, 21:00 day since 2000 and is the series surveying ideas about Sicilian count bumps his head Stars Niamh Cusack and Zatoichi (18) 22:50 Lower City (18) 17:00, 21:20 author of The Abolition of Bri- film as the art of the future. and is convinced he is Holy Anna Chancellor. Sophie Scholl (PG) Big Scream tain, A Brief History of Crime, Saturday 28th January 11:00, 18:30 Under the pleasingly dramatic Roman Emperor. Now he Cambridge Arts Theatre, 7.45pm, The Breakfast Club (15) 11:00 The Abolition of Liberty and Mon 30th January - Sat 4th February "13" (Tzameti) (15) 14:00, 18:10 title The Cinema has not yet must be shocked back to san- A Cock and Bull Story (15) Monday Morning Blues. He will been invented. £10-£20 12:00, 16:30, 21:00, 23:00 Thursday 2nd February talk about his belief that the ity. "13" (Tzameti) (15) 15:00, 19:30 Eight week lecture series - every Corpus Christi Playroom 7pm, Hidden (Caché) (15) A Cock and Bull Story (15) 12:00, Conservative party is redun- Tuesday at 5pm in Mill Lane Lecture Tuesday 31st - until 12:30, 15:00, 17:30, 20:00 Howl's Moving Castle (U) 11:00 16:30, 21:10 dant and ought to be Rooms - next one 31st January Lower City (18) 16:00, 20:20 Federico Fellini's 8 1/2 (15) 17:00 Trojan Women Hidden (Caché) (15) 13:30, 16:00, replaced. Betrayal Long Road Sixth Form Sophie Scholl (PG) 14:00, 18:30 Peterhouse Politics Society, The The Breakfast Club (15) 22:40 18:30, 21:00 Parlour, £2, 8.45pm, Monday 30th The Antarctic The enfant terrible of the College perform Euripides’ Zatoichi (18) 22:50 Lower City (18) 12:50, 21:30 January 1960s, now the Noble classic tragedy. Go and re-live Sophie Scholl (PG) 14:00, 18:30 Photographs of Herbert Sunday 29th January Ponting Laureate for Literature, Pinter your ‘A’-Level days. In both "13" (Tzameti) (15) 14:00, 18:10 Art for Mailing: Wildlife is enjoying a widespread senses of the word. Make A Cock and Bull Story (15) College Films Stamp Designs by Ian Taken from the original nega- revival. Betrayal is the most sure you cheer very loudly 16:30, 21:00 tives of the intrepid photog- AF Event: The Chorus (12A) 11:00 St. John’s Loe recent of his major works. too. Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang rapher that accompanied Double Bill: Code Unknown / The From sketchbook to the post- Scott’s expedition to the Corpus Christi Playroom 8pm, £5.50 Junction, 7.30pm, Tues 31st January, Piano Teacher (15) 12:00 Sun 29 Jan, 19.00, 22.00 box this exhibition charts the / £4, Tue 24th- Sat 28th January £3 Hidden (Caché) (15) The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen Antarctic in 1910-1914. 12:45, 15:00, 17:30, 20:00 of the Desert) detailed and exacting process Scott-Polar Research Institute, free Lower City (18) 16:00, 20:20 Thur 2 Feb 21.00 - CUSU LBGT of researching, designing and Sophie Scholl (PG) 11:30, 18:30 entry, until 31st March 2006 Ismene Christ’s creating postage stamps. A new play written by recent Pride and Prejudice Fitzwilliam Museum, free entry, 26th Monday 30th January January - 23rd April graduate Stacey Gregg. (All tickets £4.40 on Mondays) Sun 29 Jan, 20.00, 22.30 CUCO: Schönberg - Drunken whores, ‘heavies’ "13" (Tzameti) (15) The Cider House Rules 13:00, 15:00, 19:10 Thu 2 Feb, 22.00 Students’ Question Time Verklärte Nacht / Berg - and a pizza deliveryman A Cock and Bull Story (15) Robinson The first in a series of oppor- Kammerkonzert voice mix with suicide pacts 12:00, 16:30, 21:10 tunities for students to put Conducted by Peter Stark and familial hatred. Ismene Hidden (Cache) (15) Crash 13:30, 16:00, 18:30, 21:00 Sun 29 Jan, 18.00. 21.00 their questions to the people with soloists Kauru Yanada adapts the ancient classic as a Lower City (18) 17:00, 21:20 House of Flying Daggers Thu 2 Feb, 21.00 that decide how the on Violin and Akika response to the McCartney Sophie Scholl (PG) 14:00, 18:30 University is run. This week, Yamamoto on Piano. murder. Tuesday 31st January Caius CUSU president Laura Walsh. West Road Concert Hall, 8pm,£3 ADC, 10.30pm, £3-5, Wed 25th - Sat "13" (Tzameti) (15) 15:00, 19:10 Sin City 28th January A Cock and Bull Story (15) Fri 27 Jan, 20.30 The term’s highlights include 12:00, 16:30, 21:10 Dr Strangelove David Howarth MP and - best Hidden (Caché) (15) Wed 1 Feb, 20.30 of all - our own Varsity editors. 16:00, 18:30, 21:00 It Happened Here (PG) 21:15 stage screen events

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starting at zero Black Mountain College 1933-57 28 January - 2 April 2006

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Merce Cunningham dancing at Black Mountain College, photo: Hazel Larsen Archer.The Estate of Hazel Larsen Archer, Courtesy Jan van der Donk. -/.  *!.5!29 n 3!4  &%"25!29

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#AMBRIDGE !RTS "/8 /&&)#%   4HEATRE "OOK ONLINE WWWCAMBRIDGEARTSTHEATRECOM 13 6 Reporter man-up finally gave In the second quarter, Nikolay In the second quarter, A oth teams attacked hard in the pening minutes, keen to show MEN’S WATER POLO hem the ones to beat this season. heir and to make an early mark London keep London at Cambridge length arm’s ULU CAMBRIDGE Cambridge a hard-earned chance at scoring, taken by Jon Stafford, Once set up well by Oliver Venn. again the irrepressible ULU side bringing responded immediately, the score to 10-3. The final score of 13-6 was disappointing for a team who are capable of more. Their final round one BUSA match will be played vs. Loughborough on Thursday. For a full-length match report, see www.varsity.co.uk Varsity Varsity SUNDAY’S first round BUSA between water polo match always Cambridge and ULU was one. going to be an exciting and power- ever-strong London’s a number ful team has held on to its 2005 of key players from BUSA-winning team, making t B o t on the score sheet. Zhukovsky was spotted by the referee violently pulling back the head of a Cambridge player, resulting in his exclusion from the the key ULU man match. With now was the out of the water, moment for Cambridge to up their game, but the points contin- favour. ued to stack up in ULU’s mens sana in corpore sano Ultimately, sport can help our Ultimately, Carter sees the benefits as oft-quoted Perhaps Juvenal’s endes, University cricketer nd director of numerous plays ot a 3rd in his Arch. and Anth. inals, while Oscar-winner Sam inals, while Oscar-winner clash between sports commit- clash between sports work, we ments and academic stan- all have to attain a certain year in dard at the end of the are the our tripos exams. They no num- great leveller in which matter ber of Blues, or for that any other extra-curricular you. attainments, can help others Some, like Oli, shine, seems to be lit- and there don’t, between tle or no correlation sporting tripos results and rowing obsession. Hugh Laurie, Blue and president of Footlights g f M a during his Cambridge years, was awarded a First in English. studies, contributing to the total education of each student. Lorna Collins, President of the boat club, points to women’s the endorphin release that “makes you feel more positive and motivated”. “discipline, effective time man- agement and goal setting skills,” all things employers will look for in job candidates. Holland is in agreement, “in the short term elite sport may be a hin- drance but over the course of a career it helps”. phrase, (“a healthy mind in a healthy body”) finds its apotheosis in seats of higher learning such as Cambridge where, should you choose to take up the challenge, both body and mind can be exercised to the limit.

SOPHIE PICKFORD However many “suitable my studies”. The University rugby club has sought a solu- tion to this problem in the form of seminars on time manage- ment, study skills and career development. Even with this sort of help available, however, will have most scholar-athletes to run grovelling to their super- visor at one time or another for deadline extensions. Ed Carter, rugby captain and final year SPS student finds supervisors “reasonably responsive to stu- dents who need some flexibility with their studies,” but is quick to point out that “no student is accepted here because they are simply good at sport.” solutions” (in the words of one Senior tutor) are found for a li de Groot both worked and played with great distinction and played li de Groot both worked dual lives. Holland knows of one case “where a supervisor refused to allow a student to row because his progress was though he “unsatisfactory,” would suggest that “most of the social problem was the athlete’s life and not rowing.” Even de Groot concedes that “Never whilst rowing do I feel on top of “no student is “no accepted here because they simply are good at sport” O One rower who last year suc- Others are not so successful riority is education, rowing is a ecreation,” he says. Though he athletes “miss occasional ectures and practicals,” this is there are extraordinary success there are extraordinary victori- stories too. Of last year’s Blue Boat, five ous women’s Coach were awarded Firsts. how Roger Silk emphasises organised training times are academic around students’ morning commitments, with finishing training sessions in Ely return for in time for the girls to coach 9am lectures. CUBC similarly Duncan Holland of believes in the importance mem- academic studies. “Our bers are scholar athletes. Their p r t l “probably less often than the average student misses due to laziness”. cessfully established a hard- won balance between sport and studies is Oli de Groot, recipient of the new CUBC prize for aca- demic excellence. His impres- sive double success of a place in Goldie crew victorious 2005’s and a First in final-year Economics is testimony to his finely-tuned time-management skills, ”I have to work any free moment I can find, in the bus to Ely or whilst eating my dinner. learn how to quickly You research ‘efficiently’ and how to write very concise essays.” It is “the motivation of always feel- ing that I am behind that keeps [him] working hard.” “Without the rowing,” he says, “I become lazy and inefficient with my time.” in their efforts to balance their 7.01.06 2 port S Pickford

Varsity

The average Cambridge This punishing regime But what happens when one But what happens when wful to have the chance of a cursed” by their talent (how ugby Blue, etc), but when empting to scoff at those blessed with some particular extra-curricular brilliance, how is the delicate balance of stu- dent life maintained? undergraduate is expected to spend around forty hours per week on their degree. That’s over six-and-a-half hours a day, for a six days a week. Trialling University sport can add any- thing from seven hours a week to this, peaking at the Herculean efforts of rowers, whose weekly schedule involves sixteen hours of train- ing, plus significant time spent In travelling to and from Ely. over thirty hours a week reality, are dedicated in one way or another to the sport. The result- ant seventy-hour marathon faced by rowers leaves little time for illness, social lives or anything else. inevitably results in some stu- dents falling behind, though a r area of your particular passion area of your particular to and expertise is unrelated your academic studies? It’s t “ CAMBRIDGE is a motherland These of over-achievement. produced barren fens have cap- more Nobel-prize winners, Olympians, tains of industry, politi- musicians, authors and a punt cians than you can shake pole at. How easily do our ‘scholar athletes’ juggle sport and academia? sport and juggle athletes’ our ‘scholar easily do How Successfully walking the tightrope walking Successfully Sophie 26 27.01.06 Sport Varsity 27 “I can still compete at the top level” Joe Speight hears that Colin Montgomerie remains as hungry as ever AKNWOB IIN NGOLF IN VISIONS - NEWCOMBE MARK atching Colin Montgomerie on sporting great - why the likes of Tiger the golf course is an education in Woods and Jack Nicklaus lead their field - Wfocus and determination. With a and it is consistency that has enabled slight air of urgency, his domineering Colin Montgomerie to rise to prominence frame marches down the fairway and in golf’s remaining ‘crown jewels’. with a quick glance at the distant flag flut- The most consistent European per- tering on the horizon, he almost instantly former in a generation, Monty admits: strikes the ball soaring towards the pin. It “winning the European Tour Order of is one of the most distinctive styles in spor, Merit this year for the eighth time has to Erinsborough and a glance at his career’s statistics be a high point of my career. I was proud reveals it is also one of the most success- to have won seven in succession (from Ethics ful. Last autumn Monty sealed his eighth 1993-99) but winning it this year means t’s easy to pass off Neighbours European Order of Merit title, became the a great deal to me.” It is the eighth title as just another soap; a light- first man to win over 20 million euros on that he is most proud of “mainly because weight, 25-minute escape from the European Tour, and maintains his I had to do so much more this time and I Cambridge into sunny, funny, incredible record of never having lost a work that much harder. People thought I Australian suburbia. To argue that singles match in seven Ryder Cup appear- had had my time. I don’t think I realised the characters don’t exactly betray ances. So why is it that just a mention of what I had achieved at the time of win- any signs of deep rationality as his name brings feelings of frustration and ning seven in a row. There are so many they ricochet from one drama to countless memories of near misses? young players at the top of their game at another. But I’ve recently come to In the golfing year major events such as realise that Ramsay Street actually the US Masters and The Open stand out rests on some pretty strong moral as ultimate tests in dealing with cav- “I love the thrill of foundations: everyone eventually ernous bunkers and testing links condi- gets their comeuppance, a tempo- tions. Such competitions are worthy of match play and rary bout of amnesia or madness their place as ‘crown jewels’ in the sport- absolves all responsibility, and ing calendar, yet for Colin Montgomerie team situations” most disagreements can be settled they have remained elusive. But the over dinner in the General Store. Scot’s remarkable talents lie elsewhere, in the moment and the standard of golf Moreover, every episode contains a two very different events with which he being played is incredibly high”. number of philosophical vignettes, will forever be associated. The aim of The second significant accolade for the which although easy to miss are most golfers is to win a major. But how Scot is in the Ryder Cup. Golf is a sport for nevertheless impressive in their long will major winners of the 21st centu- individuals; for those with the narrow- profundity. ry such as Rich Beam and Todd Hamilton mindedness to concentrate solely on their There was a great moment last live in the memory? Consistency breeds own performance. Yet this intrinsic golf- week when Dr. Karl learnt that Izzy ing mentality is challenged in the most Montgomerie sizes up a crucial shot for for Europe at the Ryder Cup had survived the plane crash, but dramatic and richly contested golfing Susan was still missing, presumed event. The battle between teams from Ryder Cup team and then we’ll see what Also, to have my World Ranking position dead. “Susan is worth a thousand fact file Europe and the USA provides a unique happens”. drop to 83rd at the end of 2004 was Izzys (Izzies?)!”, thundered Karl at Name: Colin Montgomerie OBE atmosphere of teamwork and leadership, Despite these achievements, extremely disappointing, but I was so Max, before the two of them were Age: 42 and in this environment he has thrived. Montgomerie’s career has not been an pleased to have achieved so much last restrained from fisticuffs by the Born: Glasgow Not to lose a singles match in seven Ryder easy o. In a sport where the mental strug- year and am now at 11th in the World so Neighbours heavyweights (Harold World Ranking: 11 (Career Highest: 2) Cup appearances is a stunning achieve- gle is as difficult as the battle against oppo- I’ve turned that particular low around.” and Lou). It was only a fleeting Turned Professional: 1987 ment. “I love the thrill of match play and nents of the calibre of Tiger Woods, dis- The momentum is now moving in the moment in an eventful episode, but Major victories: 0 team situations. It is such a fantastic event tractions such as very public marital diffi- right direction, and whilst the media for those few seconds Karl made Best performance in majors: 2nd US to be part of - it always brings out the best culties are far from ideal. “Perhaps there obsess over the absence of a major title in an argument so simple and so Open 1994 and 1997; 2nd US PGA in me and 2004 was great because we have been times when I have not been his list of honours, Colin Montgomerie strong that it challenged the very 1995; 2nd Open 2005. won by such a large margin. And to hit able to concentrate 100 per cent on the will continue as one of the most inspira- heart of classical utilitarian ethics. European wins: 29 the winning putt at Oakland Hills was job in hand and for any golfer of any level tional golfers of the modern era. “I love “Each person is to count as one Worldwide wins: 16 also fantastic”. Naturally the 42 year-old is that is detrimental to one’s game. For any the competition, I love the game of golf and no one as more than one”, Order of Merit titles: 8 (1993-97, being touted as a future Ryder Cup cap- player if your mind is thinking about and I know that I can still compete at the wrote Jeremy Bentham, in an 2005) tain. “It would be a great honour to be a events off the course your game is going top level, so I want to go out there and admirable attempt to stand on the Ryder Cups: 7 appearances (4 vic- European Ryder Cup Captain at any time to suffer as golf is a game that requires always do the best I can”. With the 36th side of impartiality and fairness. tories) in the future. I’ve had experience of play- 100 per cent focus” There have been Ryder Cup on the horizon in Ireland in But that’s not often how we do feel. ing in four winning European teams but I career lows, like “coming so close in three September, Monty’s desire and commit- We care more about our friends would like to play in at least one more Majors and missing out on each occasion. ment show no sign of waning. and our family than complete strangers. We care more about what happens in our own little bub- 1 2345 6 78Across Down College ble than in the wider world. Karl’s 1. Slim, keen accountant demol- 1. Receipt overturned objections (4) point is that whilst it would be nice ished this at Easter (6,4) 2. Bearing one with hands around (4) football: to treat everyone as though they 6. Money IRA used for hideaway 3. Parachutist after First Lady’s cap- 9 10 counted as one and nobody as results and (4) tured a spy (12) more than one, the truth is, rightly 11 9. Undesirable one in French likely to 4. Rub disfigured face hard (5) table or wrongly, we have biases succeed (10) 5. I wore nothing under skirt to meet 12 towards certain people and we feel 10. Hit trailer (4) queen’s unit (9) P W D L F A PTS loyalty to certain groups of people. 12. Remove liint so a coital ailment 7. Nearly everyone on spot for distribu- 13 14 Emphatically, for Karl, having these turns into rickets (12) tion (10) JESUS 6 4 2 0 15 6 14 biases is not a bad thing – it’s part 15 16 17 15. Soap used to scare man away (9) 8. Might such a liar ape the of who we are; a part of our very 17. Magnify auction item returned Renaissance painter? (10) ST JOHN’S 6 4 2 0 13 8 14 nature. Utilitarianism demands that by old flame (5) 11. Tired excuse for criminal activity! we cut all our ties, remove all our 18. Icon’s risen after irrational start (12) CHURCHILL 6 4 1 1 12 4 13 18 19 biases, in other words, cease being of night (3,2) 13. Now point at a different portrayal human. Karlism embraces our hon- 19. Shaft tuber for starch (9) (10) DARWIN 6 2 2 2 7 9 8 est humanity. There’s a new char- 20. In charge of everyone in school 14. Loiter together withsailor surround- 20 21 acter in prescriptive ethics: Dr. Karl. from a learning point of view (12) ed by dark beer (5,5) CAIUS 6 2 2 2 6 10 8 And he has diagnosed utilitarian- 22 23 24. God’s lazy, we’re told (4) 16. Wipe out time with timeless order ism as terminal. 25. Simple case for one with cheap (9) HOMERTON 6 2 1 3 10 11 7 Once you start to notice the 24 25 goods to oil the wheels (10) 21. Sprite altered air above the intellectual underbelly of the pro- 26. Piece of music a tone out (4) Spanish (5) CHRIST’S 6 1 2 3 6 10 5 gramme, it’s difficult to single out 27. Bewildered ego consistent 22. Powder that all ladies consume, to your favourite incident. However, 26 27 about the earth’s history (10) begin with (4) TRINITY 5 1 1 3 8 11 4 that’s what this column will try to 23. Offer a hand (4) © Mathmo do each week: take an ethical or ST.CATZ 5 1 0 4 7 10 3 Re-arrange the letters by metaphysical dilemma faced by

rotating the discs to create some of the Ramsay Street resi- FITZ 6 0 3 3 4 9 3 T six separate six-letter Scribble pad dents and, maybe, draw some use- words leading in to the ful life lesson from it. centre.

Sunday’s Results: If Erinsborough has taught us AAR Email your answer to: Christ’s 1-1 St. John’s, [email protected] anything, it’s this: appearances can Jesus 5-3 Homerton, be deceiving. Lyn Scully looks like

Churchill 3-1 St. Catz, GT HOTVTR a sea urchin. Bree looks like a

Darwin 1-1 Trinity, CEAEON PAANXY wheel of cheese. Neighbours looks Fitzwilliam 0-0 Caius SLLREY MEMEES like another soap. But it’s much more than that. It enlivens and Sunday’s Cuppers matches explores philosophical issues (confirmed) through the particular situations of Churchill vs Trinity (11am) the characters we care about. In a Fitzwilliam vs CCSS very real sense, it is the 21st centu- Robinson vs Homerton ry equivalent of a Socratic dia- Girton vs Emmanuel logue. With its own theme tune. Christ’s vs Sidney Sussex Student Membership still available from £35.50 per month Call: (01223) 305060 or drop round for a viewing - on Thompson’s Lane, off Bridge Street. JAMIE MARLAND 2005 Ltd Sudoku Daily © 2 6 and , ahead s 3 8 5 They really 1 6 3 2 . “They gave us 9 6 1 . think the league 8 5 1 4 ,I display 1 9 7 s 3 4 8 7 2 3 4 Jesus captain Laurence Brenig- St. John's slipped back to second corner with ten minutes remaining. BLUES’ FRUSTRATION BLUES’ teams No play for men’s fixtures Rugby and football frost postponed due to erdon to thank for saving them must be worried about their survival prospects after a 0-0 draw at home to Caius. and fixtures << College results, Division One league table, page 27 with a fine goal from 25 yards. Churchill are now just a point behind the leading pair after a 3-1 home win over St. Catz. Matt Haslett scored con- twice for the home side. Trinity tinued their slow revival with a 1-1 Fitz draw away to Darwin. Winless endured another frustrating day further away from them, as Paul added a fifth for Jesus on the Avery counter-attack. Jones understood the importance of this comeback, but paid tribute to Homerton’ our toughest game so far put us under a lot of pressure. This was like a cup-tie because if we'd drawn today would have been over for us. Thankfully we're still very much in the race.” on goal-difference after only manag- The injury- ing a 1-1 draw at Christ’s. plagued visitors had captain James V from defeat as he headed home from a Adam Onslow had put Christ’ 6 8 one yatt , decisive s Jan Muller s As Homerton Medium . who must con- , Union is responsible for giving s ATER POLO ATER Homerton continued to worry header from a corner W Cambridge 6-13 ULU in London side too strong BUSA match men’s Quick Sudoku

The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must con- 9 exact- tain the digits 1 through ly once. What could be simpler?

last game, but, two points behind leaders John's going into the match and now 3-1 behind, they could have been forgiven if their resolve had begun to ebb. Indeed, the game was drifting from their reach as Homerton continued to protect their lead, with greater comfort than in the first half. But when the home side’ pushed for an equaliser, the game ran pushed for an equaliser, out hat-tricks, thumped the post with a left-wing deliveries produced two quick goals. Captain Laurence Brenig-Jones scored from close range and then, just minutes after drawing level and after Forder had wasted a chance to kill the game for Homerton and secure his hat-trick, James W produced an identical finish from an identical cross, and Jesus were in front for the first time. their hosts. Phil Cleaves arrived late in the box unmarked but shot just wide, and Forder clude that he has offended whichev- er representative of the centre-for- ward’ sensed they were heading for anoth- er improbable comeback. Beecham had looked assured, but his goal was now under sustained pressure, as Stevenson’ substitute Will sent a dipping 20-yard shot into Beecham's top left-hand corner www.dokakuro.com ©   Captain .               EATURE The two sides emerged as attacking But Jesus had shown in previous F All play and no work? top ask just how our We it all sportsmen manage   players with his earlier award, seemed to be deliberately making amends when he awarded Jesus a penalty for a foul that was clearly outside the area, and which he had initially - even more infuriatingly for Homerton - given as a free-kick. Martin Frampton coolly dispatched his penalty left-footed past stand-in goalkeeper Lloyd Beecham, and the game was level. The penalty farce continued when the referee gave Homerton their second spot-kick of the game, bizarrely for handball again (though this time there was no question about the award). Forder again approached the kick with the air of one expecting the net to bulge, but this time he crashed the ball against the bar and the sides went in level at the interval. forces in the second period. Homerton began the quicker Ian Williams was the right man in the Ian Williams right place to score after a free kick on the right. Rob Forder was a con- stant threat all game and he deservedly made up for his penalty miss with a well-judged lob over goalkeeper Loxam. weeks that they possess fighting qual- ities which may yet make them champions. They had fought back from 2-0 behind against Fitz in their Home side return to the top with dramatic comeback Home side return   5 3 o Easy www.dokakuro.com than once per e the manner of the goal was Bracey , talks to British favourite are no such things in college es adds up to the total in number mor OLF The two sides were still feeling If Jesus had begun to merit an Quick Kakur Fill the grid so that each run of squar the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never use a run (a number may reoccur in the run (a number may reoccur in a separate run). same row Solution and solving aids at Eyes still on the prize Varsity Colin Montgomerie G JESUS HOMERTON nonetheless highly dubious. The ref- eree, who had stunned the home THERE football as David and Goliath con- tests, and this game was further proof that the men's first division lost noth- ing in balance and competitiveness over the Christmas break. Jesus returned to the top of the table and again displayed their considerable powers of recovery with a thrilling second-half comeback. While they took all the points, they shared the plaudits with sixth-placed Homerton who gave their most impressive per- formance to-date. their way into the game when Homerton were awarded a penalty for handball after twenty minutes. Striker Rob Forder swept the kick low into James Loxam's bottom-right corner to give the away side the lead. Jesus rallied, with Ed Bond firing just wide from twenty yards, and began to put sustained pressure on the Homerton back line, which was struggling to clear its lines and relieve the slowly-building pressure. equaliser Homerton push Jesus to the limit Homerton push Jesus Adam lose 2- . e Finish the day . AMES DEAN J

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WEEK IN THE LIFE here. I suspect he’s seriously ill. here. I suspect he’s UNIVERSITY FOOTBALL t James Lockwood scores a wonder- Paxmania entering University Challenge? email us - [email protected] Is A Varsity 27.01.06 atch the United - Liverpool game in

hole afternoon trying to lob me. He sport the afternoon, then spend the evening relaxing before work tomorrow W Sunday Saturday Play the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst. Really want to win this match so choose to leave Dave Mills in Cambridge. Jamie Brown makes his own way there, only to spend the whole afternoon being sick. W Friday Another full day in the lab, including a seminar and group lunch. Demonstrate to a practical class in the afternoon, yet consistently have to remind the female undergraduates that i already have a girlfriend. Dave Mills calls that evening and asks me to come out. I pretend I’m ill. Thursday Finally get to spend some proper time in the lab and manage to do some work. Have the added pleasure of not seeing Dave Mills today Blues travel to London to play the win 3- Southern Amateur League. We 0. Wednesday Have meeting with senior members of invited. We the club, so Dave Mills isn’t 150th anniversary discuss the club’s the up-coming Blues including year, match, and the Blues tour to Varsity the States. Tuesday Tuesday Wake up and hit the gym. Receive up Wake some admiring glances from (female) gym members. Spend rest of the morn- ing in the lab before leaving at lunch for training. Dave Mills spends the w fails. Monday with dinner in the Hawks Club, but for some unknown reason Gary Devine isn’ strike; the sort that Dave Mills can only dream about. Hit Cindies in the evening, but girlfriend tempts me home early. 0. The team decide unanimously that Dave Mills is to blame.