“Dashes of American Humor” Howard Paul

DASHES OF AMERICAN HUMOR BY HOWARD PAUL. All astral eft fig Jci'ti HeecJ) NEW-YORK: GARRETT & CO., 18 ANN-STREET. 1853. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1853, By GARRETT & CO., In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for I he Southern District of New-York. Holm an, Gray & Cp., Printers, New-York. TO JOSHUA SILSBEE, ESQ., (COMEDIAN,) WITH WHOM I HAVE PASSED MANY PLEASANT HOURS IN EUROPE AND AMERICA, £Ms Volume fs (nscvf beto, BY HIS FRIEND, THE AUTHOR. — AN APOLOGY FOR A PREFACE. " Prologues precede the play in mournful vertie, As undertakers walk before the hearse," said Garrick, in an effusion delivered before the performance of " The Apprentice;" and Prefaces seem to be a dismal, wretched inven- tion, intended to garnish the outskirts of books, but which truly are of little service, as they are rarely read, except by a class of weak, excellent people, who conceive it to be their duty towards an author to read every word written, from the title-page to the farewell sentence that dis- misses the work. Bien, but my American publishers, availing themselves of the fact that I am in Yankee-doodle-dom, send me a bland, business-like note, asking me to write a preface—a new preface— as they do not care to be content with the one that Mr. Buckstone, the eminent dramatist, was good enough to write for the London edition. Now, if I were to write just such remarks as my'candor and disapprobation would suggest, the afore- said " weak, excellent people" would pronounce me ill-natured, uncon- ventional, if not positively rude. The fact is, I simply look on a preface to a fugitive book as a bore. If an author has a large amount of vanity in his composition, and wishes to get rid of it, I should say the preface would be the proper place to intro- duce it, as it would there come least under the notice of his patrons. There is a story told of a certain man grown conscientious, who had — VI AN APOLOGY FOE A FREFACE. committed a robbery—a literary one—and he entertained secret convic- tions that he ought to confess the appropriation to the virtuous public. He wrote another volume, and then cast about him as to which would be the safest part of it to deposit the confession. Unfortunately, he choso the preface ; and he afterwards complained that only two people had discovered in ten years the story of his own guilt. Who after this will Bay that prefaces are read—I will go a step beyond worth writing ' If one were disposed, an aquatic simile might be drawn in defence of the objection. We determine upon bathing, and provide ourselves with the agreeable concomitants thereof. We start towards the water ; and the proper way is, not to put one toe in the element, then a hand, and so on by timid instalments— no means jump in and get out your by ; of pains ! So with a, book ; why saunter doubtingly on the margin of your theme? Settle on a motive, select your subject, and jump in ! It is by far the better plan, and the public will like you just as well. But, in deprecating the custom, I have written just sufficient matter to answer my publishers' purpose. The offence must rest on their shoul- ders, not on mine. In conclusion, I cannot refrain from thanking the London press for the kind, amiable notices they honored the English edition with ; and Mr. John Leech, the distinguished artist, whose contributions to " Punch" have been enjoyed all over the world, did more for the volume, I fear, than the public's most obedient servant, THE AUTHOR. New-York, October. 1853. CONTENTS I PAGE 13 a " napoleon" worth a sou 1 1 old dan of connecticut river, 15 jonathan homebred, 35 Jonathan's adventure at regent's park, . 44 Jonathan's donkey ride on hampstead heath, . 49 snow scenes, , 60 looking up lodgings, 68 never sleep with your pantaloons under your pillow, . 79 paragraphs about peaches, 93 "picturesque drinkables," 107 what came of a ruffled shirt, 115 christmas pantomimes, 142 the unfortunate want of priority, 152 that mysterious bandbox, 159 holiday times, 168 steamboat excursions by moonlight, 177 jonathan at the opera, 183 jedediah doughkins, ........ 188 fourth of july in the united states, .... 199 scraps of nautical nonsense, 213 the american firemen, 228 vm CONTENTS. PAGE JONATHAN BEHIND THE SCENES, 237 YANKEE INQUISITIVENESS, 251 A YANKEE IN THE GOLD REGION, 254 A STORY WITH MORE OR LESS SPICE IN IT, . 264 AN OHIO WEDDING, 270 EGOTISM'S LAST SHIFT, 279 AMERICAN WATERING PLACES. 285 COLONEL CRICKLEY'S HORSE, 302 — DASHES OF AMERICAN HUMOR. IS A "NAPOLEON WORTH A SOU? "We have a horror of loneliness ; or, to speak less strongly, we prefer society to solitude, unless it be when the " moon-tints of purple and pearl" are very beautiful indeed ; and then, on second thoughts, it would be more agreeable to share the witchery of the view in the companionship of some " loved one," whose spirit-pulses beat in unison with your own. Solitude does very well for philosophers and musty-crusty old cynics of the Dio- there is a charm and sympathy genes kindred ; but about good society which captivates our taste, though " Socialist-Politico" we are none. Give us the merry, free-hearted, unrestrained spirit of domestic interchange any time, to the ashen, sober, bu- ried-alive conventionalism of hermited exclusiveness. Some queer fellow—possibly Beranger's " Gentleman in Brown" has argued that those who do not love to be alone, in order to look into their hearts, have no hearts to look into ; but this is the sophistry of sentiment, as some of the sincerest, kindest, most agreeable people we have ever met, were those who inclin- ed towards the conviviality of congenial society. Your very retired, closeted people, who inclose themselves from year to year, grow politic, and, as such, are to be feared. That lean-visaged, 2 ,' •." DASIiSS -Or' 'AMERICAN HUMOR. colouring: ^liiv^irg.mciD youuei:, ba: s not half the sunshine oi soul as his neighbour of the ruddy cheek and genial smile, and yet their intellects are equal. One, with selfish heart, moulders in the four walls of his cheerless home ; while the other expands his mind by free intercourse with his fellow-man, and, by so ^oing, benefits not only himself, but others, by the value of his own communicated experience. Next to this selfishness of solitude, we pity a large class of people that seem to be yearly increasing; we mean those externally politic persons who do not make a solitary move in the great game of life, unless it redounds, di- rectly or indirectly, to their own personal advancement. We do not mean to urge that all of what the world calls policy should be discarded and thrown aside. By no means. A certain quan- tity enters into the elements of prudence ; but the more we see of the human family the more numerous we find these strangers to disinterested goodness, who fawn and cringe to power, and neglect, ay, insult merit, that has not, by the force of time and experience, yet been able to mount its proper pedestal. But merely mentioning the met that we are no friend of solitude, has led us into a train of thought, which, when our fingers clasped the quill, we had no idea of expressing. "We are about to relate an anecdote that fell under our notice in Paris, or ra- ther, we should say, an adventure, as we were a party interested. On our first visit to the gay capital of the French we were quite companionless, and the prospect of strolling over the curious city solus, with no friend to share the wild but'languidly- pleasing impressions of the strange sights that we everywhere encountered, was anything but cheering. "We strolled up and down the Boulevards, admired the shop-windows, looked after the flower-girls, listened to the harpists, wondered at the num- bers of gend'armes, gazed at the nuns, and visited the hundreds of objects of interest; but yet we experienced the oppressive- ness of estrangement from all friends or companions. When we wandered through the elaborate halls of the Louvre, for ex- %mple, we wanted to say a thousand things about the gorgeous IS a "napoleon" worth a sou? 3 works of art that silently, but magnificently, shone resplendent in artistic beauty from every wall. We went to Pere la Chaise, and saw the tombs of Abelard and Heloise, Bellini, David, Marshal Ney, Talma, and a host of others of undying fame and greatness. The serenity and mournful character of this spot were favourable to the quiet thoughtfulness of solitude ; and when we saw piles of massive marble reflecting back the light, over the graves of men whose only claim to notice was wealth, while there was scarce a stone to mark the remains of the brave and gallant Ney, an impulse stole over us that led us to exclaim, with Byron, " obscurity and fame The glory and the nothing of a name." As it is our custom, when we travel, to carry a note-book, we found a species of melancholy pleasure in transcribing the inscriptions from various monuments, of men who had distinguished themselves for learning, chivalry, or high attainment in art ; and while copying a curious couplet from a quaint, defaced, old-fashioned stone, in a far-off corner of the cemetery, our sur- prise was considerably awakened by receiving a familiar, and almost recognizable touch on the shoulder from some one behind.

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