18 January 2002 p The Student Newspaper for Imperial College Issue 1224
We like this helicopter, Tony Hawks Pro Black Hawk Skater 3 Soundtrack. Down Yum. (Page 14) reviewed (Page 23)
Summer Ball Axed
Council, the sovereign body of the Union, are complex, however, and mostly involve decided last Tuesday that this year's many personal favours being called in by summer ball should be cancelled. members of the Drama Society, DramSoc, This decision was suggested by a who acted as technicians for the event. 'working group' headed by Union Many of DramSoc have external friends President, Mr. Sen Ganesh, which also with equipment that was borrowed for consisted of a number of others formerly the event, but it is impossible to repeat involved with the Summer Ball, who have that again this year, and as such £25,000 had prior experience with the problems is required in order to put on the event, associated with this event. whatever the venue. The main reasons cited for the decision College had offered to underwrite the were financial, and the meeting, which venture, but only using money that the occured last week, was finalised with the Union inists is owed to them anyway, decision that if College were to announce which would therefore count as a huge unconditional sponsorship for the Union deficit in the Union budget, and has to have the Ball, then it would go ahead. therefore been deemed unacceptable. However the deadline for College to show On top of this, not one student has vol- their support was before the council held Happy revellers at last year's Ball unteered to organise this event, meaning on Tuesday evening (see page 2 for more that everything would have to be done in detail on that event), and sadly it had not er for all students to have a good time. the next four months. It has been sug- been forthcoming, therefore Mr. Ganesh Previously it has been held off-campus, gested that plans for next year's Ball was forced to suggest the cancellation of but last year it was held on the College should start being drawn up now. the project. grounds themselves, and this proved a will In the past, the Summer Ball has acted success both as far as student enjoyment as a leaving party for the graduating year, was concerned, as well as financially. as well as just being a general get togeth- The reasons for its feasability last year
an t! a Wednesday m
olun / - college news
Union Shake-Up? 4-
All the discussion over the past past few months have seen to have been declared invalid. Issue 1224 few months on the subject of many theories put forward, but This practice, however, is usual- the new Union structure came the final options were laid out ly considered a waste of time, 18th January 2002 to a head last Tuesday. by Union President Sen Ganesh due to the low turnout that There had been hopes that on Tuesday, during a five hour Council generally has. It is Editor: will Dugdale the shakedown of the structure Council meeting that was interesting, therefore, to note Deputy Editor: Ali Wren would clear away some dead almost entirely on this subject. that the new changes will add News: Vacant wood from the system, but it Since these changes will around an extra 40 members to Music: Dave Edwards seems that the force of conser- modify the Union constitution, a Council, most of whom will be Books: Jon Matthews vatism has won, with very few two thirds majority is required Departmental representatives. Arts: Jon Brenner changes being made that will over two separate sessions to However, since the Union is a Film: Darius Nikbin affect the average student. affect the changes, and each part of College, all changes will Sports: Vacant To understand the changes session is meant to have a 'quo- have to go through the Crossword: Dr. Hot Fudge made requires a strong under- rate' number of Union officers College's own governing bod- standing of Union policy, how- present. The majority was easi- ies, and it has been noted that With Thanks To: ever the reasons for the change ly reached, with David Francis many of the members of these Joe, Helen, J, Bobby C are much easier to explain. (Deputy President of Education bodies will not like the idea of Since the rector, Sir Richard and Welfare), the only person an eighty strong Union Council, Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Sykes, announced the new who voted against the new seeing as the College Council Consort Road, London, move to a faculty system that changes being made. However, only has 20 members. If the SW7 2BB College is undertaking at the while there were more than the changes that are being made Tel: 020 7594 8072 moment, it has been obvious quorate amount of votes cast, by this 'sovereign' student Email: [email protected] that the Union must change in this was due to many votes body, therefore, are not liked by Printed by: MCP Litho Limited some way so as to reflect this, being proxied from non-present College, they can return the Felix is a registered in order to have any chance of members, and therefore if suggested amendments to the newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 representing the students with- someone had cared to say 'quo- Union, stating any of their own Copyright © Felix 2001 in the various departments. The rum', the meeting would have changes that they feel should be considered. While they can ever, the important changes not actually state what should that have passed this first draft be in the Union Constitution, of a new Constitution are main- they can make very strong sug- ly in name. No longer are there gestions, and in the mean time Constituent College Unions make life quite uncomfortable (CCUs), but are now Faculty for the Union, both financially Student Associations (FSAs), and politically. While this but these seem to have been reporter is certainly not sug- mapped from the old to the gesting that these tactics new. In addition, there are now would be undertaken, it is three Dep Reps (Departmental notable that if this were to Representatives) for each occur then any external department, one for observers may see this as an Undergraduates, one for infringement of student rights, taught post-graduates, and and public knowledge of any- one for Research students. The Union Advice Centre thing along these lines occur- Each of these will have a space The Union offers a free, confidential and impartial on Council, giving much more professional advice service for students and staff on ring could be heavily detrimen- legal, academic, financial, housing, immigration, and tal to both the image of power to all FSAs (with about benefits questions through the full-time Advisor based Imperial College as a whole, as 20 extra members each), apart in the Union Advice Centre. well as the view of the Union from the Medics, who have Further information is also available on other that other political student gained less than 5 members. questions concerning health, drugs, alcohol, tax and bodies may have. However, if Obviously there are more student rights from a wide range of leaflets in the College feels the changes the changes, but this reporter only Advice Centre reception. Union wants to make are fool- just understands these ones
Drop by the East Wing of the Union m jmnprjn| ish, they will have no choice (and has probably made sever- Building in Beit Quad, or phone »coMeae but to step in, so it is a narrow al errors), and this is only the directly for an appointment on: * union path that must be trodden. first draft of a long process. (020) 7594 8067. advice centre On a less global level, how- Watch this space. will Friday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday 18thAuni°n 22nd 24th y d|s:play UNION souno QUIZ >T union BflnD I1IGHT NIGHT djsrplay sponsored by £1/pint Tetleys or Carlsberg Progressive/Trance_\ STA while beer lasts House/lbiza Tunes^ from 5pm (dBs only) 8pm-2am 7:30pm-11pm £2 Union/£2.50 Guests Prizes: £50 & beer FREE@the union Friday Night Out £1 Union/£1.50 Guests Supported by 8:30pm/FREE@the union JO @!*&- PA V«W* Chili & Fries PA Vinci'* m in the UDH —Mi tar—~ Tuesday Wednesday Thursday 29th 31st mic. a. M *** H« UNION
QUIZ NT union djs:play k) o r man NIGHT uovett 5T g "...makes Jack Dee sponsored £1/pint Tetleys by seem like Ken Dodd..." or Carlsberg Edinburgh Evening News
union i QTA while beer lasts D,M |:play i from 5pm (dBs only) Purchase advance tickets from the Union Reception m 8pm-2am ^ 8pm-2am Doors 7:30pm £2 Union/£2.50 Guests Prizes: £50 & beer£ 1 Union/£1.50 Guests £3 Union/£3.50 Guests >n || Friday Night Out *£L ^ V Supported by 8:30pm/FREE@the union (#Rf Chili & Fries if net# CP ii C> in the UDH mm PA V'iht'A imperial Union Building — bar— college Beit Quad roar. Open noon-11pm Saturdays and noon-10:30pm Sundays world news
Bag Bombs Russian Row
Many U.S. experts fear a new A scuffle between Russian round of domestic flight delays and American diplomats - over will begin today, as thousands civil liberties, to boot - shows of business commuters and hol- that while the Cold War is idaymakers flock back to the over, the two former enemies planes. are still capable of behaving This Friday was named by pretty icily when they feel like Congress - with President it. Bush's support - as the date by The dispute, which started which all airlines and airport with two junior delegates from security checkpoints must meet the U.S. Consulate in new, tougher, standards for pre- Vladivostock, rapidly spun out flight screening. of all proportion this week, as The new measures are aimed the right-wing administrations at thwarting and restricting the executives have criticised the of the two countries each was learned the two activities of terrorists; a major schedule as "unworkable," sought to blame the other. Americans had attended the priority for the American people grumbling that the laws, A demonstration in demonstration - an "unwise and their current (Republican) passed just before Congress Vladivostock to free an impris- decision", according to one administration. recessed for Christmas, are "too oned Russian journalist, one uncredited Kremlin source. They include mandatory bag rushed to fully implement." Grigory Pasko, set the stage. The U.S. State Department X-rays, sniffer dogs to search Security teams, they say, are He was convicted last year of insisted their behaviour was plane cabins and holds just still understaffed. To check all high treason for telling not unusual, and "perfectly prior to take-off and harsh travelers could cause long Japanese media about naval normal diplomatic practice." penalties for carrying suspect- delays. Not to do so could be nuclear waste dumped at sea. Presidents Bush and Putin ed terrorist items. fatal. Eyebrows were raised in are both said to be concerned. However, many senior airline Joe Moscow, however, when it Joe HE UNION iflR Drop by the Union Bar for a quiet drink. Open Sunday evenings 6pm-10:30pm.
Mi
indie, alternative dance, guitar pop and big bouncy beats chili, fries and cocktails and
erial college Imperial Collage Union C0ll6Q6 BARS Imperial College
Hear the Rector speak about the College's plans for the future and now they affects you
12 noon, Frjda)p8th January Great Hall^ Shfffield Building lifestyle feature feature lifestyle
All offers of employment gratefully received...
HOLLY BARNES the importance of 'Personal Transferable however, volunteering also includes all Skills'. Secondly, that a good degree does sorts of other activities. Responsible for If there's one thing that I've learned this not automatically entitle you to a good job. running publicity or arranging fixtures for year, it's that being unemployed isn't all And thirdly that it might, perhaps, be a your society? Year Rep in your depart- it's cracked up to be. Believe me, few good idea to get some practice at this ment? Help out with collections, work in things in this life are more depressing communication, teamworking and leader- the Union or get involved with organising than the queue to sign on of a Wednesday ship malarkey. And how do I do that, you events? That all counts. And so does car- morning - except perhaps the realisation ask? (OK, so you don't, but play along ing for elderly relatives, looking after small that it's the most exciting part of the here). By getting involved in clubs and relatives or your friends' children, and a week. At university there's always some- societies, charity work or local volunteer million more things besides. To be honest, thing you could be doing and, more than projects, I reply. Well, actually, I don't - the it's almost certain that you're already likely something you should be doing - employers do. You see, yet another report doing (or have done) some kind of volun- but there's simply bugger all to do if (this time by TimeBank) indicates that tary work (and, indeed, part of the point of you're unemployed. And, of course, three-quarters of the UK's top employers this article is just to make you realise its there's the fact that it's pretty hard to live give preference to candidates with volun- value) but it's also fairly unlikely that any on £42 per week. Basically, it may be a teering experience on their CV, whilst over one activity could possibly have taught learning and growing experience, but it's half of the companies surveyed said that you every one of those key skills. certainly a lifestyle that I strongly recom- "voluntary work experience can actually Fortunately, though, there are lots of mend you avoid at all costs. be more valuable than experience gained opportunities available on campus - head But I'm sure you know all that already - in paid employment". And, whilst most of over to the Union to find out more, get in after all, it's fairly unlikely that any of you the figures I'm quoting here refer to 'tradi- contact with a new society or just think are genuinely considering unemployment tional' graduate recruitment fields (bank- about getting more involved in what as a lifestyle choice. The real question is, ing, consultancy, engineering, manage- you're doing already. what's the solution? How do you avoid the ment, IT etc), remember that they apply Hopefully, however, you'll know all that dole queue and the exciting world of the just as strongly (if not far more so) to less already, too. Two schemes that you might Job Seekers Allowance? Well, a good technical fields like media, law, the arts not know about, however, are Millennium degree, a wealth of knowledge, bucket- and teaching. Oh, and apparently they're Volunteers and Insight Plus. The first is a loads of experience and a real desire to do pretty important for doctors too... major government initiative to increase whatever it is you want to do would cer- So, anyway, volunteering. It's a decep- the number of young people volunteering tainly be a good starting point. And tively simple concept, which actually in their local community. Anyone aged ing you into a much hotter prospect at The only negative thing to say about do something with your life. charm, good looks and a nice shiny suit encompasses a massive range of possibil- between 16 and 24 can register online (at interview. The scheme also includes a these initiatives is to contrast what So, yeah, that's about it. Volunteering is can't hurt, either. But the real sticking ities - and almost certainly includes some www. millennium volunteers. gov. uk) to series of tutorials and workshops, plus the Imperial's doing with the investment and good, basically Good for lots of reasons - point isn't what you know, or even who of the work that you're already doing. At "use what you're in to to help yourself and promise of official accreditation on com- involvement with that made by other uni- and, quite frankly, I'd like to think that you know - it's how you talk about it. one extreme, it could mean making a huge others", and whilst the scheme does pletion of the course. Sadly, however, versities and student unions. The current enhancing your employability is the least According to the latest research by the commitment to changing the world, sav- include plenty of opportunities to work at Insight Plus is currently only available to Insight Plus roll-out is unlikely to include of them. It's (mostly) fun. It's a diversion Association of Graduate Recruiters, 43% of ing lives or raising tens of thousands of your local shelter or home, there's also the students at participating universities, Imperial (although that may have some- from lectures, lab and revision. It makes leading graduate recruiters "reported skill pounds for charity - but on the other hand potential to get involved in anything from which (at present) doesn't include thing to do with the fact that the NUS was you feel better about yourself. And, by and shortages in three of the attributes ranked it can mean much simpler things like get- sports coaching to the environment to Imperial. Sorry. a founding partner in the scheme), whilst large, it makes the world a better place. most important by employers - interper- ting involved in running your favourite youth groups to music to journalism. Anyway, if all this isn't enough for you, the Union has not chosen to get involved But you know all that - it's just that, faced sonal skills, initiative/proactivity and oral society, working in your local school for a Moreover, the scheme is backed by a host the final option is to head to your local in Millennium Volunteers (unlike several with a hundred other things that you communication" (and before you get car- couple of hours a week, or just helping out of big employers, there's support and Volunteer Bureau - for example, the other student unions - such as Leicester, should be doing, "doing some good" ried away thinking that the other key with the next Rag event. And, if you do mentoring every step of the way, and Kensington & Chelsea Volunteer Bureau Birmingham and Brunei - who both back tends to fall to the bottom of the pile. skills they were looking for were technical want to do something "worthy" (a tired you'll receive a recognised award after (check out www.voluntarywork.org.uk); the scheme and provide their own volun- Which is perfectly understandable. But or scientific, you may as well know that and cliched phrase I'll admit, but you get contributing 100 hours. the Hammersmith & Fulham Volunteer teering opportunities). Fortunately, the sit- hopefully, all you need is that one extra they were "for graduates to be good team the idea), there are lots of opportunities for Insight Plus (www.insightplus.co.uk) Development Agency (www.hfvda.co.uk) uation is likely to improve in the near reason that'll get you to make that first players, motivated and enthusiastic, flexi- you to get involved on campus, with the approaches the problem from a slightly or Wandsworth Council Volunteer Bureau future, as the College, the government step towards getting involved - and I hon- ble and adaptable"). These findings are Pimlico Connection (teaching in local different direction. Like I said before, lots (check out www.wvb.co.uk) - who should and the funding councils all seem to have estly hope that the prospect of joining me backed up by the results of an Industry In schools - head to www.su.ic.ac.uk/pimli- of us already do a lot of voluntary work, so have lots of information on local schemes recognised the importance of volunteering in the queue at the Job Centre every other Education study of the nation's largest co to find out how to get involved) and the instead of encouraging you to get involved and volunteering in general. For a com- and student development in the modern Wednesday is it. employers, which concludes that employ- Community Action Group (who deliver with new projects, it's designed to help plete list of centres, check out the National job market, and are thus making a major ers are "looking at personal skills more food to the homeless, help out at local you to make the most of your current com- Volunteer Bureau's central website (at investment (including dedicated staff) in than degree content" when it comes to homes for the elderly and repair tools for mitments. Basically, you look at what www.navb.org.uk), where you'll find this field over the next few years. In the Holly Barnes is currently unemployed. hiring recent graduates. Central African farmers - check out you're doing (be it voluntary work, details of pretty much every voluntary meantime, however, there are still plenty All offers of employment, freelance work, So what do we conclude from all this? www.su.ic.ac.uk/cag to find out more) the involvement in a society, a part-time job or group in the country - so wherever you of opportunities all around you (we are in a regular income, unbridled gratitude, Well, firstly, my Careers Advisor wasn't two most obvious examples. family commitments) and analyse what live in London, there should be a support the centre of London, after all), so stop free love or one way tickets to Acapulco lying when she started wittering on about Aside from these clearcut examples, skills you've gained as a result - thus turn- group for you. making excuses, get off your backside and should be addressed to [email protected]. union talk
Nightline
Night-line is a confidential listening and but aims to provide a service when they Nightline website is a very good place to information service provided by student are unavailable or if you want to talk to start. It contains the links to many of the volunteers for students from all across someone outside of where you study or nations most frequently used welfare London. Nightline, as it is now in London, live. related websites, ranging from those can find its roots here at Imperial where Nightline isn't a counselling service. It concerning Finances, through to Travel, it was set up in 1971 following the sui- provides those that ring with someone to Crime & Safety as well as the more "obvi- cide of a student the previous year. Over hear their worries and problems. What ous" ones on sexuality, sexual health, and time it expanded from Imperial to many they do is listen, and then provide you the law. parts of London and is currently associat- with any information you may need. They It should also be noted here the bene- ed with about '50 different institutions can supply you with information on agen- fits that could be obtained by helping to including Imperial. There are even cies and organisations, which you can run a service such as this. To volunteer, in Nightlines in America, Canada and then contact in you own time, or phone a manner such as this, in a truly unselfish Germany. lines, which can provide advice. The way can bring personal rewards that will It is essential for those students in dif- phone number is 020 7631 0101. stay with you forever. Helping on a ficulty, with emotional problems or wor- They also have a website from where phoneline like this one is an excellent ries to have someone they can talk to. To you can find out more about Nightline way to give something back to the com- ensure that someone is always available and how to volunteer if you wish to get munity, whilst making friends. It's not for students to talk to, Nightline operates involved. Also if you wish to talk to them about CV points, or job applications, or every night during term time from 6pm to by "email listening" you can find out more first/second/third interviews or theses or 8am. Thus when offices are shutting details on the website. Email listening is money; it's about doing something good. down and it is the normal time for coun- a new service offered by Nightline and Simple as that. If you think you'd like to sellors and advisors to go home there is allows you to email them with you wor- help, just call the number or visit the someone there for you to talk to. Thus it ries or reguests for information. The web- website. I promise you you won't regret doesn't act to replace others you can go site address is www.nightline.org.uk it. and talk to (such as your friends, Warden, If you think you want to talk to some- David Personal Tutor, College Counsellors etc,) one, regardless of the problem, the Deputy President (Education & Welfare)
Students there for students. Confidential listening, support and information 6pm to Sam every night of term
r night line -'S)^ 020 7631 0101 www.nlghtllne.org.uk Summer opportunities in Investment Banking
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UBS will only achieve its global business objectives if we respect and promote Aimed at penultimate year and first year undergraduates, this differences in background, perspectives and expertise. This in turn will promote event is designed to give an overview of Investment Banking with creativity and innovation, and create business opportunities. Building diversity at an emphasis on Trading. The event will be followed by a trading work is critical to the success of the business. game, which will give you an insight into the pace of the trading environment. The game, hosted by traders, will educate you on some of the products we work with. UBS Financial Services Group
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Rag Ramble
With just four weeks to go until the start of dren who have no chance of recovery and £2000 would fund an electric bed for a Rag Week 2002, the final elements of this no medical treatment left to try, but it's also childs room. year's line-up are now falling into place - incredibly valuable to their parents, who For £5000, we can supply a children's play check out the Rag website at would otherwise be left to tend for them area (complete with paddling pool). www.su.ic.ac.uk/rag for more details. and the rest of the family alone. Next, £7000 will fit out an entire child's This week, however, rather than telling So for the charity have bought a site in room, including a state-of-the-art bed. you what we're doing, it's time to find out Hounslow, and are bringing together the £10 000 will provide a complete multi- where all the money's going, and what it's last of the funding to put up some walls media room. going to buy. This year's nominated charity (and perhaps the odd ceiling) this summer. For £15 000, we can fit out a video and is the Shooting Star Trust, a charity set up in However, they still need more money to kit book library and a family lounge. 1995 to help children in our area who are not out the hospice - and that's where we come £20 000 provides four bedrooms to house expected to live beyond early adulthood. in. They need everything from beds to families visiting sick children. They're currently trying to pull together the kitchens to PCs with special controls, and Finally, £25 000 will fund and run a new funding to build and kit out the first spe- we're looking to provide enough funding to minibus, complete with wheelchair lift cialist children's hospice serving West make real progress. Indeed one of the best London. Rather than focusing on one partic- things about working with the Shooting So that's what Rag Week is for, and that's ular disease or illness, they want to provide Star Appeal is that our efforts can make a why we want you to come along to events, help to local children with all sorts of life- really big difference - potentially helping to get out on the streets and raise money for threatening conditions - everything from make the project a reality by the end of the the Shooting Star Appeal. The most cun- cancer to muscular dystrophy to cystic year. So, in true Blue Peter stylee, we've ning part of the equation is that it'll happen fibrosis to cerebral palsy. The new hospice made up a wish-list of the kind of things while you're out doing mad stuff, maybe will give them somewhere to live safely and that we want to buy... getting drunk and definitely having a laff comfortably, away from the sterile, depress- with your mates. Nice, huh? ing environment of hospital. Obviously, this For £1000, we can provide a fully- See you in Rag Week! kind of care is particularly important to chil- equipped music room. helen & dave
IC Radio
IC Radio goes drinking! quite well, and from such humble begin- Linstead) or switch on your PC when you For those that missed the fun and frolics nings, we've grown to be London's pre- wake up, and we'll ease you into the day yesterday, IC Radio had a huge relaunch mier student station. and make sure you're up and about in time party, involving drinking, silliness and all for your lectures. those things we're good at. It was a Learn to mix chance to meet some of the ex-members That's right, the famous IC Radio mix mas- Requests from yesteryear and find out what things terclass is back. We've not finalised when Of course, as your radio station, we're were like in days of old. Or at least, that's it will be yet, but we'll advertise the date more than happy to play your requests. how I imagine it will have been, but due to and time here and with posters around Let us know what you want to hear and print deadlines, I'm actually writing this college. For the uninitiated, the basic any dedication you want to make, on Monday night and none of it's occurred premise is that some of our DJs give some phone extensions 58085 and 58100, or e- yet. But be assured we'll let you know the tips and tricks for those who'd like to be mail [email protected]. full story next week, when we'll have a the next Judge Jules, and then give one- special full page feature all about IC on-one tuition to people in turn. It's a Listen! Radio, some of the history, and photos of great way to get started if you've always As ever, we're broadcasting quality radio the new studios, and the carnage at the wanted to have a go, but have never had programmes 24 hours a day, 7 days a relaunch party. So if you were there, be the opportunity to, so watch this space for week. You can listen on 999AM in afraid, you may have been caught... more details. Southside and Linstead halls, and on the internet at www.icradio.com anywhere. Happy Birthday The Breakfast show A little known fact, but IC Radio reached As some of you may know, this academic the grand old age of 27 this Monday year we've started producing breakfast (14th). Back then we were operating off a shows every weekday morning from 8 till reel to reel tape deck and a microphone, in 10am. The idea is to you tune your alarm icradio ii a room in Linstead, so we've moved on clock to 999am (in Southside and www.icradio.com II Theatre & Gigs & Television At The Student Union This Galleries Concerts & Radio Movies Activities Events Week
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These people drinky drinky drinky mental instruments, licity, but since I'm not in allowed to just turn up, do. How clever do they drinky drinky drinky while possibly experi- the main office, I never but if this means some- need to be? Very, appar- drinky drinky drinky menting with experi- find out anything. Indie, thing to you, it's on now. ently. More than me. drinky drinky drink. mental drugs. I hear. So Pulp then. dBs, 5:00pm DaVinci's, evening-ish Drink, Union, 'till late dBs, 6:00pm Union, 'till late Chinese Society Show Juggling Club Christian Students ,yy xyxxyy Sxxyjy ; fix* i,-:t >::V.t - y^lkMm&v:,. In action, apparently, vo Because it would be Away away, leave town Wypyx ^PSpy.rr.y'), xyx: not really sure about this . : a:ut go awijv. Yny yay xx-x [y-xx^yy\yxxixxxy. '.' M' WmXXXxPyJyiyX yxx ixxxx ':'!. : ' ^ xxy <:: '>:on,.-no .... yXyXyXiX. ' you like whatever it is in the air again, catch I'm' -bs;:: away. Perhaps climb a they're doing, which I'm people to chat to about and Silent Bob are on, XX[{ : sure you will. firey bit. Yay! all sons. y X ':. X xx'y. y/xxyyxy. Concert Hall, 6 00pm h^Wi?'rijt-; ''p.y : !yxyxxx Union Top Floor. 6:00pm Concert Hall 5:00pm The country all weekend Amelie Spy Games Bandits The Others Best In Show Ah, ooh, oh, how sweet, Brad Pitt. I'd have 'im, if Billy Bob Thornton, who, Rah rah rah. Pretty scary Pret a Porter with dogs, eee! yay! wow... gasp. I were inclined, but I with a name like that, stuff, where they are all perhaps, so still got the Very sweet film for girls, suspect this is a weak must, allegedly, be ghosts who think they supermodels. Not that I think. Or maybe boys attempt at getting girls inbred, and Bruce Willis, are alive. Maybe. I see I'm bitter or anything. I who are 'in touch with to go to this obviously who, with a name like dead people? Probably could still have them, their feminie side'. Take boy-ish film. Take your that, must, allegedly, be not, but you could take you know. And your girl- your girlfriend, perhaps? girlfriend? Australian. Girlfriends? your girlfriend. friend, so there. Fresh Prince of Bel Air Red Dwarf Mr Benn 'y.'Xyy Simpsons : ,: : S'y^'y V u .i:^'";/; .!\i;:s \/xyyyyy;yyxyxyyX'-x :yvx,y Not realiy in keeping: y.-.i.-.i'-. about how my life got keeper appeared with the rest of the Stuff, something, beer, : xy^i'xx :-rXiAx Another one that you shows in this diary, but goo, monosodrum gluta- ' ''XXX .yXyyiX^ylypiyy -X -yikyXf yxXyxp^xyyV^y x x\:X',XX : ;r she's gonna have to be mate, fish, hot pants, from here. Fun. fun, fun. the sexiest zombie you ;:> ;;«<:.xxxxXy 'yyxyyxxj. . X '.is, XyXXXXXX. , ... . xyixJ- .xipxyy. .Xy: Sky One. 8:00pm ' *! >.. 'x'yyyxxijy Troubie. 4.00pm Company of Snakes Beta Band 45s Marlena Shaw Jimmy Eat World Former members of Mmmm, weird noises. Or, Loud rocking next big Little-known US jazz Despite being the pur- Whitesnake and Rain- as the Radio 1 Gig Guide things play a residency at vocalist Shaw shows off veyors of one of the silli- bow come together to would prefer to describe the Metro. Get in a pound her impeccable taste in est bad names I've heard share tips on perms and it, "quirky folk-hop with cheaper if you can track the company of saxo- for many a year, Jimmy wank into their guitars prog tendencies". Nope, down a copy of their lat- phonist Denys Baptiste. Eat World are apparently big stylee. Rock on, etc. prefer my description. est favourite single. Mmmm, jazz - nice. "good". So there. Mean Fiddler, 8pm, £12.50 Shepherds Bush, 7pm, £13 Metro Club, 8pm, £5 Jazz Cafe, 8pm, £18 Astoria, 7pm, £10 >!*:-";*!-':'! Crime i& Punishment in xiiiyxxxxxxxy. Tim M&uxi Pavarotti, for it is he. Dalston Wf^yxxXXXyx-X VYyXAXh-' Catch the, ahem, high- yyyXT:X;.Xy..y,,: makes a valiant attempt Kv*;:, x,yXyy'X. yy-y ,:yy/yj lights of British art ing life inside Robben to fill the Opera House title alone, this minimal- xx>xx.;>. v-: :: yy r'..-::, :' > bo.'orcj it, gi>f> consignor! Island prison (where with what promises to be ist drama comes with a XXxX yyyXy:Xy:\ yy,; ;\,::, X yfyyj..to the TOf-yclc bin of fate. Nelson Mandela was : } T:w VV x \yyxxXsiffxXx pay what you can price :XX < '"XXX:XxXy. ., Light goof. on. light qooft . ' . s ; : : ^Pxxy'xl ii:'=>:. y'yyyy tag every Tuesday night yxx'xyyy'yx' x.y:y:; )y'cif)':... off... Mmmm, impxesshns?. Royai Opera. 7.30pm, £b Areola Theatre. 8pm. £9 National Theatre. 6pm. £5 £3 xy/xiyxx music reviews OUT THIS WEEK Due out on Monday 21 January: SINGLES ALKALINE TRIO - Private Eye BLACK REBEL M'C CLUB - Love Burns STELLA BROWNE - Never Knew Love ALBUMS CHECK ENGINE - On Top Station 17 Various Fugu Hitparade Tony Hawk's... Fugu 1 Out now on Mute records Out now on Maverick records Out Monday 4 February on Ici d'ailleurs There is a fantastic, bizarre story behind [The full title is Music From And Inspired From the cover - a '50s beach picnic this album. Station 17 originated in a By Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3]. scene - and the song titles - Ondulations, Hamburg mental institute in 1988. Social So this is a first - a soundtrack album for Angel Fair With Golden Hair - we can worker Kay Bosen thought that a number a computer game. Not surprising really, make a good guess as to what this is of his patients could benefit from being since music is being used more and more going to sound like. French orchestral allowed to express themselves musically, in computer games now. I confess lounge music. Not that it sounds any- however they liked. 13 years and four though that when I played Tony Hawk's thing like Air - the production and albums later, the band has prospered, (the game, that is), I didn't really pay arrangements give it more of a Beatles and I am a satisfied listener. much attention to the music 'cause I was feel, circa Abbey Road. Hitparade is their fifth album, and is a too busy grinding. The tracks with floaty female vocals collection of their most famous tunes Listening to this album, you can tell sound incredibly like similar efforts from remixed by some of Germany's better that the songs are in the game. It's got Stereolab, though much less contrived. dance DJs in a variety of styles. And it is the skateboardy nu-metal and hip-hop On the flip side, the tracks with male odd. Having not heard the band before, feel. It's got a few well known popular vocals sound very much like Olivia my initial expectations were for some- artists too, like Sum 41 (pic above), Alien Tremor Control. In fact, most of the album thing typically German - perhaps indus- Ant Farm, Outkast and Papa Roach. sounds infuriatingly similar to some trial metal worthy of a nuclear war, or This is guite a good compilation, with indeterminate one or another, almost as gabba techno worthy of a thousand only one or two songs (out of 13 in total) if it were a compilation of tracks by like- nosebleeds. But this is miles away from which weren't worth another listen. One minded '60s-inspired combos. either - unusual, chilled techno electroni- track that stood out was the NOFX song Of course, Fugu 1 flows along better ca, with more than a few nods to hip-hop What's The Matter With Parents Today?, than any compilation would. The tracks and trip-hop. which has a classic line: "Mum and Dad, are so short (18 in 45 minutes) that the For me, the glorious moment on this I think you oughta stop smoking so much listener drifts along, barely aware of the album is the very understated Der Weg pot". shifting tracks and the variety of instru- Nach Nirgendwo. It's slow and brooding, The Sum 41 track is just like their pre- ments tickling and teasing the ears. but pleasant too, like a ray of sunshine vious songs, with its upbeat theme, and The album is loosely split into two falling on Tricky's dark musical world. Outkast's Bombs Over Baghdad has a parts and, although the interlude is bare- The vocals on this track, as on most of cool beat. ly noticeable, the subsequent track Au the others, are supplied by simple The album also comes with an interac- Depart indicates that something has speech - we hear old men and young chil- tive CD, which has some clips' of Tony changed. dren smoothly rounding off the electronic Hawk talking about his various battle This is an exotic delicacy that can lead rhythms, and it matters little if you can't scars and some skateboarding stunts. to disaster if incorrectly prepared. understand the German. The menus would have looked a lot more Perhaps I should give you a sardonic There are some unfortunately cheesy impressive played on something better warning of: "don't try this in your bed- moments too, with a significant minority than a dying laptop. room". Fugu's efforts haven't led to a of tracks sounding like sub-standard Daft So, to round up, this is not a bad com- cloying muzak disaster, because they're Punk grooves. But don't worry too much pilation if you like your nu-metal/hip-hop not trying to be too clever. The end prod- about that - in general, the tracks on thing, although I think only the biggest uct is not quite a delicacy, but an aural Hitparade are usually fine and some- Tony Hawk fan would contemplate buy- connoisseur would have little to com- times excellent. ing it. Go on, prove me wrong. plain about. Derek Oscar Robert reviews music INTERVIEW with King Adora Before their recent gig at the Electric Ballroom (see review, left), Felix spoke to Maxi and Nelsta from King Adora. FELIX: Can you please tell us what King Adora are all about? MAXI: Our band is about decadence, rock and roll, having fun, decent tunes, live music, debauchery and glamour. Things a lot of bands out there don't have. So how would you describe your music to the untrained ear? MAXI: Sleaze-rock! How did you guys get together then, and why "King Adora'"? MAXI: I was making music when I saw Nelsta performing with another band, and I thought "right, I'm poaching him for my band". Nelsta knew the other two, and so we started jamming together. As for the band name, we were out shopping one day LIVE: King Adora and we saw this huge six-foot vibrator in a shop window. It's name was King Adora, advertised for "maximum, heightened @ Electric Ballroom sensation". And that's what we're all about. What's your favourite part of being in a band? Teenage drama queens in feather boas and glittery fairy wings MAXI: There's lots of things I like doing. Touring, both playing crammed inside the Electric Ballroom (home of the highly rec- live and having fun on the tour bus. ommended Full Tilt night) to see the much-revered all-singing, Explain "fun" to me. I hear your band is notorious with the all-dancing King Adora. The impression I got was not of a band groupies...? who were some kind of "glam revivalists" just because they MAXI: Groupies?! Lets just say we're young and we like to wear eyeliner and sing impolitely about sex, but of a pretty enjoy ourselves. We have a laugh on the bus, you know, playing wicked pop band. a show, partying, getting wrecked. It's quite like the stereo- The sparkly butterflies were in for a shock when their pop typed notion of the tourbus, in films and all. idols inflicted us with not one but two relatively mediocre sup- I understand that you took part in various prestigious tours. port bands. One could have been led to think that the Candies Which was your favourite and why? and their fellow minion posse were strategically positioned to MAXI: My favourite was the Mansun tour. We're quite similar to make even a lacklustre King Adora seem excellent in compari- them, as we dress up and like to have a good time. The crowd sion, but was this the case? Definitely not, for King Adora blew found us easy to relate to; we were poaching their fans. the Ballroom apart. This was one of Maxi Browne's "glory gigs"! NELSTA: We learnt a lot from them as people, about the busi- From the moment they took to the stage with a rousing rendi- ness and touring - they've gone so far and done so well. tion of live favourite Bionic, moshing was taken to stratospher- What was the highpoint of being in King Adora for you? ic levels, with people flung to the far corners of the room by the MAXI: Touring in Japan. We learnt lots about the culture in the brute force with which we were musically moved. With the six days we were over there. crowd whipped into a frenzy, the band experimented with some You have a new album coming out soon... material from their forthcoming album, the Suede-esque Tokyo MAXI: Yes, we're going in to record it next week. Honey. Even Maxi's facial expressions and poses would have NELSTA: We've just finished doing a demo actually. done Brett Anderson proud, for imitation is the finest form of Is it a massive change of direction for you? How is it different flattery. This track, which wasn't extremely stunning for such a to Vibrate You, the last album? talented bunch, was greeted with so much favour that it MAXI: It's a lot darker and heavier, less feel-good. We're techni- seemed like the crowd would have lapped up a performance of cally more tight on it; it's the album we've always wanted to the Yellow Pages. make but never had time. The last one was done in such a rush. Highlights included the excellent Law, the intense Smoulder, NELSTA: We've used different producers on it too. the distinctive Suffocate and the Pixies-influenced Big Isn't If a fan asked you for your socks, what would you do? Beautiful. Suffice to say, these were the singles, and the pure MAXI: I'd give them away. energy put into them by both the band and the moshers made Can I have your socks then? them memorable. However, the "album-fillers" weren't done MAXI: Yeah, sure. justice live as the band simply churned them out one by one. If the fans could give you a Christmas gift, what would it be? The set being short but sweet, I conclude that King Adora MAXI: Just to keep supporting us and coming out to our gigs. have the talent for writing instantly likable and infinitely mosh- NELSTA: Fags, booze, socks... but what I'd really like is a able songs, all of which sound just different enough from the Hohner Professional L90 Goldtop guitar! So if anybody's got the others to be interesting. money, please give me one! Sajini Sajini clubbing reviews Dekefex Moorish Delta 7: @ Mass Interview The touring club collective that is Moorish Delta 7 are a three-piece hip-hop two broad categories: the urban tales, Dekefex brought their awesome sounds outfit from Birmingham. The trio - Cipher and the hip-hop for the sake of hip-hop. to one of the most down places to be in JEWELS, 'The Captain'; Malik, 'The Street fd like to ask about the former. You South London. As ever Dekefex had put Poet'; and, Jawar, 'The Bull' - grew up describe Art of Survival' as a futuristic together a night that took in guest artists together on grimy council estates. In urban song. In what way do you mean such as the established - but not estab- addition to putting out their own tunes, futuristic? Is it prophetic? Apocalyptic? lishment - alt hip-hop DJ Vadim, and they also have an agenda to promote A vision? An inevitability? Or is it a warn- banging sounds of Bad Company. local underground artists. The latter ing? Always one to promote upcoming artists, includes their 7 Entertainment project Malik: Every day people are getting hun- less well-known but soon to be heard in and the compilation 'Experiment T. I had grier and hungrier. It's just the way it is. good clubs everywhere, collectives such a chat with them at Mass, ... It's the feeling on the streets and in the as Moorish Delta 7 were a welcome Jawar, I read an interview where you cities. inclusion in the night. described Cipher as 'serious' yet 'chilled, Jawar: It's at the level of the streets, The residents, DJ Skeletnx and DJ NU, and said that there was a kind of those are the sounds in every tune. laid down a scratchy stylee mix of old 'yin/yang' thing about his character. Also, Malik: It's not a prediction, it's just that skool, new skool, and any skool. I have you're the 'Life of the Party' but also the that's how the vibes is going right now. not heard such a flow of poetry for a 'livewire'... There's a lot of duality here? One final question: what's your favourite while. And, mercifully, emcees seem to Malik: Exactly. sound, each of you? I don't mean like a be getting a lot more intelligent (or the Cipher: You get that in the songs any- genre like 'soul' or whatever I mean a sin- true ones always were) than in the dubi- way, you can feel it in the expression. gle sound like this [snaps fingers] or this ous days of the birth of jungle and 'intel- Take Art of Survival' that's there in the [drums on wall]. ligent' Dn'B. One favorite lyric (on a free feeling, it's experience. But again, some Cipher: A drum. sampler CD given away on the night) of our sounds are more simple love of hip- More specific? was 'I'll strap a Nokia to your head and hop. Cipher: Oh, I like all drums. A snare ring you till your brain fries'. Nice. Jawar: It's the voice of the people ... drum. The main emceeing acts of the night That's something I wanted to ask you. Malik: Piano. were Moorish Delta 7 and Phi Life Cipher. You grew up on council estates in Jawar: A woman. Both of these gave amazing performanc- Birmingham... On your website you talk Cipher: You know, there's a duality. We es. Beats ranging from funky to dark rap about 'Silent Screams' being the voice, but argue, of course we argue, but we will cuts to pure and simple hip hop gave the whose voice? Is it yours? The people you always back each other up. This is three backdrop to tales of urban strife and grew up with? Yours and their collective in one. It's more than music. This is what everyday life. experience? keeps us going, it's what we depend on. Then it was down to some serious beats Jawar: It's the voice of the people. We We give each other counsel and support. that demanded serious dancing from DJ have no-one to answer to but the people Even if it's not music, whatever it is. Vadim (with Demolition Man), and the on the streets. We don't need to answer That's why it doesn't sound manufac- occasional b-boy breakdancing making to the record companies saying 'play like tured. If any one of us left, it wouldn't be us all feel temporarily inadequate. this' or the media. The people on the Moorish Delta 7. MD7 is the three. Anyone who has heard DJ Vadim does streets is the only people we have to Malik: We've had so many tunes over the not need me to explain the maestro's answer to. years. And certain vibes happen. We fusion of beats, breaks, and found Malik: How we represent, it's our genera- don't look to the next man. sounds. Never heard of DJ Vadim? Why tion. All of our past experiences are in it. Cipher: We do something different if it not? Get yo' ass on the dance floor boy! Like you said before, your music falls into feels right. That's why it's genuine. Robert Robert reviews clubbing 17 New Year's Eve with Ministry Of Sound @ The Millennium Dome There are two sides to every story, or so Back at the main stage, Ferry Corsten floor of the dome was awash with empty the cliche says, and Ministry of Sound's got the crowd on their feet with a siz- plastic bottles and beer cans - which New Year's Eve event at the Millennium zling set of uplifting trance. By now, the made it a complete fucker to dance on. Dome is no exception. People's expecta- god-like sound system was thoroughly Around about this time, Siamese twins tions for the event were as extreme as shaking the foundations (I stood near to Alex P and Brandon Block appeared. It those for Episode I, and when you build the left speaker stack and boy, do my seemed that legendary caner Brandon something up like that, all you can real- ears know it). Thousands of people of all Block had gone a little too far in his cel- ly expect to be... is disappointed. denominations were united by the ebrations - his awkward mixing stopped I have heard people complain that desire to party, and Ferry Corsten was me in my tracks every time. This aside, they spent an hour in the queue to get giving it to them. his shambolic DJing still entertained, in, and another hour to get bar tokens. Looking over the event from the bal- and his calling card "Oi! Oi!" was not They bitch about the state of the toilets cony of the Rulin arena, the whole thing left out. Thankfully, Alex P stylishly fin- after midnight; they moan about was put into glorious perspective. The ished off their set with some tight, Brandon Block being completely rippling audience of the main stage, the thumping house. mashed. For me, these were no problem: distant fairground, the lasers cutting The pristine toilets of the Millennium I saw this as a festival and anticipated across the diameter of the dome. It was Dome had by now descended into full such things as eventualities. History has awesome. faecal chaos - inch-deep brown water shown that the organisation of an event Dick Clark duties for the night were greeted anyone unlucky enough to need of this magnitude is guaranteed to be taken by Dave Pearce. For some, the any kind of number. This was when I less than perfect. And sure, this wasn't thought of a "Dangerous" Dave Pearce realised that the festival experience was the best night of my life, but it was a set is as appealing as the Paul Daniels finally complete. great, messy way to see in the New Magic Show. Whilst there was a minor, When Tiesto eventually arrived, I was Year. yet noticeable, tempo drop from Ferry hoping he would revive my flagging I arrived at 7pm (when there was no Corsten's set to Pearce's (some people spirits. Like his Gouryella co-producer, queue), and went straight in to find behind me actually sat down and start- Ferry Corsten, he specialises in uplifting myself in the belly of a monster: five are- ed rolling at this point), it was actually trance, and so I was hoping a little bit of nas, fifty DJs and only fourteen hours to comprised of some creditable records that might be just what the doctor do it all in. As the Dome slowly became bolted together in a pleasing fashion. ordered. Alas, he just didn't get my fire populated, there was an opportunity to At 11.50pm a giant countdown began burning. explore the site as the sounds of MoS in the main arena, and as the iron The dawn set was taken by Judge resident Gareth Cooke gradually tongue of midnight tolled twelve they Jules, who turned in a diamond-edged warmed up the crowd. Everything about cracked open the visuals and a shitload performance, pleasing the crowd with- the place - the fairground, the food of spectacular pyrotechnics exploded in out feeling the need to go anthemic. But stalls, the stupid hats, the hooters - said and around the main stage. But once we I was aching for bed, and no DJ in the that this was a summer dance festival in had hit the climax of midnight, I felt world would have got me to dance. mid-winter. The only difference being spent and in desperate need of a tiger Sunrise: brilliant lemon-coloured light that there was to be no mud, no sun- nap. However, a belated Anne Savage cut through the glass of the east side of stroke and definitely no rain. set put a spell on the crowd like a the dome, gilding the interior, and dis- For me, the party began with Frenzic voodoo incantation, summoning us to solving the distant silhouettes of people. in the World Dance tent. When this tent dance like zombies to her frenetic sound. That, and the clarifying morning chill, opened its doors at 8pm there was a del- By the end of it I had used up that very gave me a moment of lucidity, and for uge of people eager to get some of its last drop of serotonin. No amount of the first time I felt like I was in 2002. deep, high-energy vibrations. Within energy drinks could save me now. half-an-hour this place was boiling over. It was three in the morning and the Patrick arts reviews A H f * The Thief of Tears Rent Etcetera Theatre, Camden Prince of Wales Theatre The Oxford Arms Pub on Camden High Street is an ideal place The nation was consoled at Adam Rickett's departure from to get some shelter on a winter day after wandering through the Coronation Street only by the steamy launch of his scantily clad Camden Market all the afternoon. The pub looks old and worn pop career. So imagine the delight of his latest project, promising out, but what's special with the place is that upstairs it hides a a bubbly fusion both his soap acting talent with his boyband- cosy connoisseurs' venue: the Etcetera Theatre. esque dulcet tones. After torturing the rest of the country for the The current production is Jeffrey Hatcher's "The Thief of past months, Rent is now back in London for a disappointing 8 Tears", a monologue from the trilogy "Three Viewings", awarded weeks only (disappointing in its longevity, not brevity). in 1993 with the Rosenthal New Play Prize. Natalie Bromley Ominous from the start, the show begins with Rickett setting graduated last summer in English at Cambridge, and she has the scene. Playing Mark, as an amateur arty-film-type, he already shown her skills as an actress at the Edinburgh Festival. annoys most of the characters as he introduces them, poking his Her first appearance on the London theatre scenery sees her in cine-camera in peoples' faces. This introduction, and most of the challenging double role of producer and actress. Adam's performance is startlingly confusing. His Peewee The show lasts for half an hour and the stage is as static as a Herman-ised American accent stutters and vomits its way stage can be: the only object on it is a bench that at some point through the show, tearing into his songs. The set, around which the character turns into a coffin, but through her convincing act- the characters bounce, is faultless. Graffiti scarred brickwork, ing only. The thief of tears is a young American woman, of misted in steam as it drifts from sewers provides a convincing granny's funeral. She's a thief of tears because she hangs around backdrop of a rundown New York side street. The said street the funerals of unknown wealthy people and as she kneels down gives rise to the characters squat in which most of the charac- on the coffin to moan she tries and steals jewelry from the dead ters live (legally thanks to the generosity of Benny, an evil-type). body. She's content with her way of living until she tries to steal The basic plot (and it is basic) follows Adam and his band of the ring that she has dreamt about during her childhood that her squatters as they are faced with eviction from the squat. But past starts to pour out through the leaks of her conscience. there's a twist Sergio Wayne CREDIT FIRST SUISSE BOSTON NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT. NO PASSENGERS. NO NONSENSE. NO HOLDING BACK. NO TREADING WATER. www.csfb.com Join us for an informal presentation at our European Headquarters, One Cabot Square, Canary Wharf at 6pm on 4 February. Meet ex interns, junior and senior professionals and find out more about the opportunities we can offer for Summer 2002. Places will be allocated on a first come first served basis, so to attend please email [email protected] It might be a summer internship. It might last just eight to twelve weeks. But, for those prepared to work hard, ask questions and show initiative, it's also a real job with real responsibility. We'll expect you to ask questions when you join us. So why not get into the swing of it by asking a few at our presentation. Find out about an investment bank that's on its way to becoming the world's number one. Discover whether there's a role that's right for you in our Investment Banking, Fixed Income or Equity divisions. For more information and to apply, please click on www.csfb.com CSFB I EMPOWERING CHANGE: Issued by Credit Suisse First Boston (Europe) Limited: regulated for investment business in the UK by The Securities and Futures Authority. ©2001 Credit Suisse First Boston Corp. All rights reserved. TRAVEL joldman Dress Code: Smart/International (NOT FANCY DRESS!) Internationa mi mm Sl Nigh — —t Thursday 7th February 2002 Dinner - Cultural Show - After Show Party Venue: Great hall/MDH OSC Members: £10 imperial Non Members: £12 college Tickets nvoiloble from Union union reviews book The Third Policeman Pest Control Flann O'Brien, £4.99 Bill Fitzhugh, £5.99 The Third Policeman is a truly unique novel with obvious Irish One of the most humorous books published in 2000 was Dave origins, a tale set in a reality where the basic rules of our world Barry's Big Trouble and was reviewed in Felix in the autumn of no longer apply. It surrounds an individual who is forced from that year. Although nothing this year came close to the hilarity one strange situation to another, the fact that you will never of this story I did happen to read over Christmas a very amus- know the name of the main character is an indication of the ing and well-written debut novel by Bill Fitzhugh called Pest style of this novel. Control. Bob Dillon (you can see where some of the jokes comes He is brought up in circumstances that are a little strange. An from straight away) is an unhappy exterminator in New York only child whose parents both die when he is very young, he is City. Bob is trying to find a better way of dealing with the city's sent to an expensive boarding school. Meantime somebody else dirtiest and most unwelcome creatures. You see, Bob is an envi- is left to look after the family farm, namely John Divney. At ronmentally friendly bug exterminator and decides to quit his boarding school he starts to develop an interest in de Selby, an job in the hope that he can breed "super" bugs that will kill your eccentric physicist/ philosopher from the end of the nineteenth common household pests without the need for pesticides and century. By the time he leaves boarding school and returns to poisonous sprays. the farm he intends to devote his time to cataloguing all of de Bob places his advertisement for his new extermination serv- Selby's works and the work of all his commentators. However, ice in the local papers and the ad falls into the hands of a mid- once this is complete he needs money to publish it. The farm is dle man for a world-wide assassination service who believes not doing well, however. At John Divney's suggestion the deci- that Bob and his title of "The Assassin" is a veiled reference to sion is eventually made to murder old Mathers who keeps his his status as a hit-man. Getting an idea of the trouble in store, money in a black metal cash box. John Divney hides the box Bob begs off the lucrative job he's offered. But when the victim until it is 'safe' to use the money but does not reveal the hiding is accidentally killed anyway, the middleman, assuming Bob's place for three years, during which time a rather strained rela- managed the job with unusual finesse, duly sends him his fee. tionship builds up between them. Once the hiding place is Every thing sounds status quo until the UPS package with the revealed our protagonist goes to collect it. What follows is a tale money gets held on the way to Bob; his wife and daughter, of his attempts to get hold of this box. impatient with his approach to pest control, walk out on him; This tale moves from strange to, bizarre to completely and the brother and murderer of a Bolivian drug-lord who wants obscene, an army of three legged men and bicycles with per- to cover up his own crime informs the world that it was the sonalities are just two examples from the world created by work of the Exterminator and offers a $10 million bounty to who- O'Brien. The aura of surreal abnormality within this novel makes ever kills Bob, attracting all the top exterminators in the field. it a wonderful book to escape into and I warn you, you will prob- Pest Control is a very well written and humourous novel. The ably want to read it twice. What starts out as a murder becomes characters stand out as very real people and Bob is the your typ- a black comedy, eventually reaching a dark conclusion, do not ical "man in wrong place at the wrong time." The two main be fooled by the appearance that this is a comedy of circum- stars of this novel without a doubt are Bob's young daughter stance, there is a very grave moral underlying. and the bugs themselves who finally come to Bob's assistance The Third Policeman by Flann O'Brien is published by towards the end of this very light but highly entertaining read. Flamingo priced at £4.99. Pest Control is the first of four books by Bill Fitzhugh and is published by Arrow, priced £5.99. Jennifer Jonathan 22 film reviews Lord Of The Rings: Va Savoir Fellowship Of The Ring released 8th January As one of the most hyped and eagedy awaited releases of last Life is story, story is life. The Arts and their connection to the year, many of you may have already seen Lord Of The Rings. For lives of those involved in them is a particular fascination of those who haven't, it is a truly excellent film. It may not live up Jacques Rivette; and he is back with it again in his new come- to its hype as the new Star Wars or the best move ever made, dy. In a previous film Rivette used Pericles as the central axis of but it's still definitely worth seeing. the narrative, and now for Va Savoir he has chosen Pirandello's The film opens with a brief run-down of the story of the ring As You Desire Me, a piece about illusion and identity. The film's that immediately draws the viewer into Tolkien's fantasy world. six lead characters are all related in some way to a touring pro- The special effects in this scene - and, indeed, though out the duction of the play and the long sequences we are shown from film - are among the most realistic I have ever seen. Director performances of it let us draw parallels between the actors' Peter Jackson follows in the epic footsteps of Ridley Scott (in the lives and those of their onstage personas, whilst at the same likes of Blade Runner and Gladiator), creating a real yet alterna- time not allowing us to forget that the film we are watching is tive world, full of rich textural detail that aids the suspension of itself fiction. disbelief. Moreover, the film as a whole is very atmospheric, With audiences dwindling, their production arrives in Paris, fuelled throughout by a dark, brooding sense of dread. and the female lead, Jeanne Balibar, immediately reacquaints Foreboding runs throughout, especially in the scenes with the herself with an old beau, in an effort to alleviate boredom. This ring wraiths. leaves her director, co-star lover, Sergio Castellitto, alone in his After this opening, the pace slows as we are shown Hobiton attempts to find the long-lost Goldoni manuscript that he on the eve of Bilbo Baggins' birthday. Again the special effects believes will save his flagging company. Fortuitously he comes are excellent, with the three and a half foot hobbits played by across a beautiful young graduate, Helene de Fougerolles, digitally reduced actors. The film could quite easily have fallen whose family just happens to have the entire Goldoni back cat- into farce and high camp without the naturalistic, solid per- alogue - but de Fougerolles' loutish half-brother stands in the formances by Elijah Wood and the other hobbit actors. way of obtaining it and some careful manoeuvrings ensue. One of the most memorable scenes of the film is the fight The troupe's love-interest musical-chairs is a central to Va between Gandalf and Saruman in Orcthanc (the tower of Savoir, with much farce-like humour coming from all the various Isengrad). Christopher Lee and Ian McKellen are perfect for the partner swapping. The art/life blurring is good to watch, with roles of warring sorcerers and are truly realistic and frightening. coincidences and overplayed scenes adding to the feeling of However, there is a glaring continuity error: Saruman takes artifice, as exemplified by the huggy-kissy, onstage happy end- Gandalfs's staff from him, yet it turns up later (with no explana- ing. tion as to how it was returned). Having previously made the titanically long Out One (over 13 Another major flaw with the film is the ending. Despite hours, if you were wondering), Rivette manages to stretch out remaining true to the book, it's comes across flat, offering no this comedy to a lengthy two and a half hours, but this does sense of completion or finality - and consequently the film allow for a leisurely accumulation of humour and characterisa- works far less well as a movie in its own right than Star Wars. tion. The first act is a little slow, but after that we are treated to It is this ending that stops Lord Of The Rings being as out- the fantastic, intellectual musings about love and art of the sort standing as other films like Goodfellas and Die Hard and moves that is only found in New Wave cinema. Quite simply, this is just it into the 'very good but not great' category. a lot of fun. Alex Dunbar Adam Joyce reviews film 23 Felix On Film Competition When a routine drug deal is not what it seems. Clayton Pierce, anti-terrortist agent, working undercover, finds out that the deal is actually a nuclear bomb. In a world where the truth has a price. And the price is the truth. Timelapse is a straight-to- video B-movie which you have a chance to win. Just answer this simple question: Who directed this year's The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Chicken Wing? a) Peter Jackson b) Barrie Osborne c) Colonel Sanders Answers to: [email protected] Francis Ford Coppola once said that the artistic obligation of Blackhawk Down any director making a war movie is to make an anti-war movie. Ridley Scott's Blackhawk Down is not anti-war. It is an attempt released 18th January to hide historical events such as this behind a wall of cliched sentimentality, in a patent refusal to serve up the real truth 17:37, 3rd October, 1993: American UH-60 Blackhawk helicopters about the sheer idiocy of American involvement in Somalia. It drop 120 elite soldiers into downtown Mogadishu to kidnap also champions the ignorance of the individual soldiers as they Somalian warlord Mohammed Farrah Aidid's top advisors and sacrifice their lives unquestioningly for a cause that proved to military officials. The operation is scheduled for an hour. be so trifling for US policymakers that President Clinton called 09:11, 4th October, 1993: 18 Americans are dead and 73 wound- off the whole of operation Task Force Ranger the next day. ed in the biggest single firefight involving American troops since In the light of recent events in Afghanistan this movie will the Vietnam war. Somalian officials claim that one thousand provide real insight into the methods employed the US in their militia have been killed; independent observers place the esti- covert operations abroad. The importance of intelligence gath- mate somewhere around five-hundred. ering. This is modern American warfare. No longer the inter- In 1993, Somalia was suffering from terrible famine, hundreds minable struggle between the huge armies of two nations. of thousands had already died and millions were facing starva- Instead you have short and isolated encounters between high- tion. The country's most powerful warlord, Mohammed Farrah ly trained and equipped American forces and third-world militia Aided, was quelling food distribution in an attempt to win armed with rocks and Soviet machine-guns. Somalia's long and bloody civil war. Faced with a humanitarian The sheer mismatch between US soldiers and Somalian mili- disaster on a biblical scale, the United Nations intervened, with tia makes painful viewing at times. And as so often in Ridley food airlifts and peacekeeping forces. Scott movies, the plot and characters take a back seat and you In the meantime, the U.S. military set up operation Task Force are left with a series of dazzling and often disturbing images Ranger, to root out and remove Aided and his staff. The opera- and impressions of a terrible battle. tion culminated with intelligence pointing to a building in cen- The acting is completely forgettable and Ridley Scott is the tral Mogadishu, where Aided's top lieutenants were hiding. A only star of the show. The characters are all faceless cliches. highly trained team was assembled to kidnap them. If every- There's the idealist who cries, the pragmatist who smokes, kills, thing went according to plan then the mission would take one and lives life on the edge, and the guy who always has a picture hour and there would be no American casualties. of his wife and child handy just when he's going to die. "Tell Blackhawk Down tells the story of the kidnapping and the her...ugh... that I lo... lov... loathe cheesy deaths," I clearly subsequent Battle of Mogadishu in graphic detail. Rarely before remember him saying, before realising that he's missing a torso. has the American public been exposed to the bare physical real- The dialogue is always corny to the point of hilarity. ity of warfare. Ridley Scott's movie should put off any prospec- Producer, Jerry Bruckheimer's presence is felt only too well. tive army recruit. I mean, who wants to have their legs blown There is a clear parallel here with Pearl Harbour and off by a rocket propelled grenade? Not me. I would prefer to get Armageddon in terms of the moralising and hero-worship. But legless down Southside. what partly redeems the movie is the action, at times on a par Despite the breath-takingly realistic action sequences the with the opening twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan, with movie's centrepiece is a message about friendship, heroism, the only criticism being that there is too much of it. The action and the true nature of war. But this is really a case of Hollywood becomes diluted, especially with cliched characters. Because rewriting history. The truth is that the operation was charac- who cares when a cliche dies? It's already dead. terised by incompetence on behalf of the American leadership, So overall, it may look and sound spectacular, but Blackhawk a complete failure of intelligence, and infighting. Down is boring. Darius coffee break Crossword by Dr. Hot Fudge Across Down 1. Wizard gives second 1. Seasonal mathemati- goblin to two queens. cian? (6) (8) 2. Decomposing over the 4. Wooly garment makes top in circle (7) dash from church. (6) 3 besides East 9. Perfect partners cheat London college. (4) badly in department 5. Tumour in cheek of store. (7) irish mother. (6) 11. Musical drink gives an 6. Destruction of god understanding. (7) before charge. (7) 12. Prophet on ecstasy 7. Removes extensions goes to crooked jail surrounding endless before hospital. (6) track. (8) 13. Bloke outside tempo- 8. Spiders mangled in rary settlement gets crash ad. (9) battered? (6) 10. Cured leader holding 15. Sickly green team the French. (6) comes to mutual con- 14. Foreigner receives clusion. (9) allowance after 16. Insect holds gun over January 2001. (9) point. (4) 17. Late drink taken in 19. One extra in copyright nocturnal headgear. object. (4) (5-3) 21. Girl's furniture is an 18. Teacher holds flagpole Answer to 1223 - Across: Veranda, Lucifer, Chimney Sweepers, Tawny, ornithological device. at east river. (6) Tacit, Smile, Dry Rot, Nipple, Acmes, Phalli, Unplug, Naive, Atrip, Taste, (4, 5) 20. Prositution vehicles? Oral Stimulation, Pretext, Manager. 25. Toast at the bar? (6) (7) Down: Vacated, Railway Carriage, Nanny, Asylum, Lawful, Cheat, 26. Cooked sheep in 22. Case of legal clothing. French Polishing, Rosette, Stain, Iambi, Ensue, Pea-Soup, Greener, Artist, syphilis, perhaps. (6) (7) Vacuum, Piste, Train. 28. Picture of carriage 23. Organise again at holi- with ring on. (7) day destination. (6) Hey there good buddies. Fudge and Cyclops are back in business, bring- 29. Equation of class at 24. Man takes headless ing you the latest in puzzledom and all-purpose lubricants for another university of louisiana. Ned to battle over term of fun-filled madness. Our apologies for not making an appearance (7) penny. (6) last week but we were late in returning from our break in Thailand, 30. Currency group in veg- 27. Hairstyle of a french which was spent filming our upcoming masterpiece: "Bangkok Chick etable. (6) zero.(4) Boys II - Cyclops sheds a tear." The winner of last week's collaboration 31. Calculated by compa- crossword is Michael Bye, Physics II. I don't know who those two idiots ny politician and Utah were who served up that disgusting vomit in the guise of a x-word, but editor. (8) rest assured they'll never be allowed to do it again. Until next time, be excellent to each other. Dr. Hot Fudge know o -ftn civil tranters. ~~3 CD CD CT CD' U) Frtt packet of crisps, SIR? How obowfsofM italiciouJcUcola+t? 9 break coffee GFQQ - The Great Felix Quote Quiz by Bobby Cyclops & Dr. Hot Fudge Number of players: 60 Bond Quotes Special! The Leader Board - top 15 Name Score Andrew Ince 73 1. "Red wine with fish. Well, that should have told me something!" Simon North 73 Daniel Sauder 72.5 2. "His name's Jaws....he kills people." Christopher Dent 69 Chris Ince 68.5 Anthony Rodriques 67 3. "Tve never killed a midget before, but there can always be a first John Anderson 65.5 time!" Rebekah Hymas 62.5 Arosha Bandara 61 4. " I feel a slight stiffness coming on." Gregory Mann 59.5 Geoff Lay 58 Kim Randell 58 5. "You defy all my attempts to plan an amusing death for you! Vuk Cerovic 55 You're not a sportsman Mr. Bond! Why did you break up the Fred Marquis 51.5 encounter with my pet-python?" Chris Toffis 51 Bonus Question. To what does Bond liken drinking Dom Perignon Answers to [email protected] or to the Felix Office West Wing ] 53 above a temperature of 38 degrees Farenheit? Basement, Beit Quad. Answers to lyric special: 1. Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head/B. J Thomas - Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid 2. Windmills of Your Mind/Noel Harrison - Thomas Crown Affair (orig.) 3. Up Where We Belong/Joe Cocker - An Officer and A Gentleman 4. Fame/Iren Cara - Fame 5. Moon River/Audrey Hepburn - Breakfast at Tiffany's Bonus. All of these films won an Oscar for best song in the respec- o tive motion pictures. j—j 'You amuse me, Mr. Bond!' Welcome back 'Packers! I hope you accept my apologies for my a absence last week, but the 'Doc is such a demanding actor to work with: he refuses to shoot unless he gets his two fudge-fingers at 9am. Back to more pressing matters: it's time for another helping of GFQQ! Remember, the quiz ends in March at the end of the Spring Term, so keep sharp and send in your entries if you want to win the super Grand Prize! The end-of-term prize ('Bad Motherfucker' wal- t e let) at Christmas was won by Simon North after a tie-break ques- tion with Andrew Ince. These two characters are still tied at the top of the leaderboard - we need challengers to dislodge them from their perch. To start the year we have a special Bond GFQQ featuring famous quips from both 007 himself and various villains/henchmen from Bond films from across the years. I'm surprised we haven't touched ESQUIRES OPPOSITE upon this subject before... where else can you find names like Holly WAITROSE Goodhead, Fatima Blush, Plenty O'Toole and, of course, Pussy COFFEE HOUSES T.iii 7 e 3 s nil Galore? Well, same rules as always (Film, Character/Actor) - good luck, see you next week! Bobby Cyclops The Royal College of Science Union Presents the Second Annual AMSTERDAM WEEKEND 25th - 27th JANUARY 2002 LEAVE FRIDAY NIGHT AND RETURN SUNDAY NIGHT COACH, FERRY AND ACCOMODATION ALL FOR JUST £60 To book your ticket or for more information, email [email protected] or pop into the RCSU office (on Unwin Road between CivEng and MechEng) There should be sports reports here. If you play a match, you can have it reported in Felix. All you have to do is write it down, and get it to the Felix office in any way you like by 11pm on Wednesday evening. It will then, hopefully, be pub- lished bv the followincr Frida y, and. everyone will know of your win. I'm assuming you will win. If you don't, you can report it too, and at least you'll get sympathy, or some- sport active Netball ICI18 around the court, and then too) shooter from getting the goals. Jess fought against ICSM 34 Claire kept that ball from going ball. Kathryn kept the Goal Hannah - a medic who had What can we say... too much out of the centre third. But even Attack (GA) completely out of decided to do trials with us, but drinking at School Disco & too Claire (our medic who plays for the shooting by blocking her now plays for the medics... trai- much dacning - sore feet... well the right team!!) couldn't out of the 'D'. Beckie (out most tor! Just a few grunts and gri- if we can't play netball, we always stop the 6+ ft (we're valuable player of the match) maces for the first match, have to say we can play better sure there should be a height scored many amazing goals though in the 3rd and 4th quar- drinking games! limit in netball - if you can reach from all sorts of positions, and ters, the medics extended their We started with scores draw- the ring without jumping you Hannah, with her dancing lead, despite all our efforts. We ing all the way, until they start- shouldn't be allowed to play... spins, got free of her Goal played a good match, but ed getting more, that is. Ruthy- rainbow coloured socks are Defence (GD) at every turn, fin- couldn't quite pull it off. baby was superb & quick always going to put people off. ishing off with some beautiful Jess Ladies Hockey Nobody would have ever remainder of the game. Less After some excellent defending runs from Marianne, excellent believed it. Five-nil to the than five minutes in, our of the centre line by Anita and tackles from Mary Hafia, and ladies' seconds! It was more supreme captain Nikki scored - Sally, Chloe grabbed the ball marvellous defending from than we could ever dream of. we were all astonished. A cou- and took he score to 3-0. Half Karen H and the score stood 5-0 The match started with a ple of minutes later the two time came and passed, and our as the final whistle blew. And smooth move from Bex taking Jens combined light forces magnificence was not sur- where would we have been the ball into their half, which resulting in Jenny D placing a pressed. One more each from without the somewhat bored, was where it stayed for the nifty one past their keeper. Nikki and Jenny, some fantastic belly-shuffling Karen M in goal? Live sport RSM Football on the BIG SCREEN Saturday 19th Jan. A cold January wind blew debutant extraordinare Ludo Aberdeen v Rangers 5.35pm over the desolate, waterlogged by his side. bar open at 12 noon pitch. Stobbs wandered aim- Sweet interplay was the lessly from the changing rooms theme in the presence of the and by the time he reached the legend, Sir Andy Mason who 2||th Jem. pitch, the mighty RSM were 1-0 co-ordinated the rising stars' El Chelsea v~Wi^Mriam 2prjj \ down, after only thirty sec- Capitane Schluch-es-Menzies. onds. However, it was clear to Lord Peter took the ball from Leeds v Arsknal^4pm \ everyone that this early surge what seemed an uncompromis- bar open at 12 noon was just a flash in the pan. ing position. He played what The pitch glowed, the crowd seemed an impossible ball Monday 21 st J^n. silenced and SOAS quivered in through to the deviant yet their feeble boots as the mighty explicitly talented James Charjtoq v villa 7pm ex-skipper graced the field Stewert who split the defence with his presence. That was like a grade 1 clipper through a Tuesday ^2nd Jan. the best it was ever going to taliban's beard. ManUtdvtiverpoplSpmv, ! get for SOAS, and by the looks Dear Lord, Pete was great, on their faces, they knew it. Ludo rolled a six, Bertie got Rob Thomas (the defensive shirty and new keeper Johnnie Wednesrfdty*"23rd Jan. prodigy) inspired the dynamic played the strikers like a cheap Dumfermline v Rangers 7.45pm movement of new left back, German harmonica. Thanks to imperial bionic Gaz Northam as he Ken who scored four goals. Ground floor, Beit Quad cohege stormed up the pitch with the Final score: RSU 4-1 SOAS. Prince Consort Road BARS "'y':- : - "g M c B S p CD 5' J ft &; m ° B a a o B 3 Co "1 B 01 PI O aT tD 5 o o D : CD CD 13 en c B. S pT 01 B B